#i've been waiting for this milestone!! so happy to have made it this far

[genderqueerpositivity]

I tried to write a post to celebrate being four years on testosterone yesterday. That post turned into a rambling mess of my fears for the future and fears about losing my access to gender affirming care. Which honestly makes a lot of sense given the state of things politically.

The anxiety is also due to the fact that my hysterectomy is in limbo now; my procedure should have been May 1st, but now my doctor is leaving the practice at the end of April. So now I don't know what's going to happen there, which is a little devastating after going through the whole referral and waiting and intake processes. I'm supposed to be referred to another doctor in the same practice, but it's been a month of radio silence now. Hell, I don't even know who to contact; last time I had to it ended up being a multi-day game of phone tag.

I don't know what to say other than I'm grateful and surprised to have made it so far in my hormone therapy journey. I'm incredibly lucky to have the support of beloved chosen family the entire way. And I'm so privileged to have ever accessed gender affirming care to begin with and I can't ever say enough for how much it has improved my mental health and my relationship with my own body.

I used to wonder everyday pre-T if hormone therapy was the right step for me. I thought about it all the time, constantly wondered what sort of changes I could have, and if it would help my dysphoria; I don't have to wonder anymore because I know that this is right for me.

At first I wanted to do topical HRT because I wanted that control of getting to choose this everyday; I imagined that I would reach a point where I might decide that I've transitioned "enough" and choose to stop. These days, I am happy with weekly injections. Getting to just do my shot once a week and then just live without worrying about it is amazing.

I am open to the possibility that I may still reach a point where I decide to reduce my T dose or stop entirely, but at the moment it feels very unlikely. Gender is personal and unique like that. I really hope to be able to continue and see what happens next.

It is difficult to express how transitioning to a more physically male appearance has given me greater freedom to express my gender in less binary ways, but it is true. I experience my gender as more queer and more fluid than ever.

I can't fully explain or express the pain of gender dysphoria and the joy of gender euphoria. How could I possibly get most average people without dysphoria to understand that I used to legitimately hate the sound of my own voice? That I couldn't stand having my voice recorded, because I sometimes even struggled to accept that the person I was speaking speak was actually me?

Now? I just sound like myself. I am more confident making phone calls and calling over the radios at work, I sing aloud in the car now, and occasionally I will speak to someone and get the surprise joy of being addressed as he or sir in return.

And that is just one example of many I could give.

Transitioning is as much a gift of big milestones as it is a gift of so many small and everyday moments.

On Saturday I will do my first shot since my 4 year T birthday, and I will be grateful and have no regrets.

[themaarika]

That Bitch Stabbed Me chapter 1 is now complete! 🎉🦇️ That's 38 pages in total!

🗡️ read the chapter 1 ending! 🗡️ or start reading from the beginning

That Bitch Stabbed Me is a dark fantasy vampire yuri comic updating on Sundays.

[loveanton]

off my face | lee anton

⟶ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: your best friend has been in love with you for years but you’ve been too blind to notice.

❥ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: best friend!anton x f!reader

❥ 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: angst, fluff, suggestive

❥ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 4.5k

⟶ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: underage drinking, partying, drunk kisses, makeouts, pls let me know if i missed anything

⏤ 𝑎/n: finally finished my finals so this is a lil self indulgent piece hehe

“I’m officially done with my exams!”

Anton smiles at you through his phone as he watches you vigorously shake your device out of excitement. You’re practically glowing, a mixture of relief and joy lighting up your features. Anton’s heart swells with pride. He’s always known how dedicated and hardworking you are, but seeing you like this makes him realize just how far you’ve come. You’d conquered another milestone, and he can't help but feel immensely proud of you.

He remembers all the late-night study sessions, the moments of doubt you’d shared, and the unwavering determination in your eyes. You’re amazing. He admires your strength, your perseverance, and the way you made everything seem possible. Anton has always been your biggest cheerleader, silently supporting you from the sidelines, even though he wishes he could do more. But right now, he’s just happy to see you so happy.

"Congratulations," Anton finally says, his voice warm and full of genuine pride.

"Thank you!" you beam, your eyes sparkling with gratitude. “Not gonna lie, I wrote complete bs for half the exam, after answering what I knew and adding up the points I gave up when I realized I had enough to pass the class.”

Anton snorts at your confession, “let’s pray your math wasn’t off then.”

You hum, “lets pray I actually got those questions right otherwise I’m screwed.”

The two of you laugh at your words before a beat of silence falls over the two of you. Anton hesitates for a moment, then decides to go for it. "So, what would you like me to buy you as a gift for finishing off your junior year?" he asks, his tone playful but sincere. He wants to celebrate this achievement with you, to make this moment even more special.

Your eyes widen in surprise, a smile spreading across your face. "Really? You don't have to—"

"I want to," Anton interrupts, a mischievous grin forming. "Come on, name your reward."

You laugh, thinking for a moment before answering. "Well, if you're sure... How about that new book series I've been eyeing?"

"Consider it done," Anton says, already mentally noting to order it as soon as possible. He wants to see that smile on your face in person, wants to be the reason for your happiness, even if just a little bit.

Just then, the door to Anton’s room opens, and Eunseok pokes his head in. He notices Anton on the phone and grins, stepping fully into the room. "Hey, who's that?" he asks, leaning closer to the screen.

You giggle and wave. "Hi, Eunseok! Guess what? I’m officially done with my exams!"

"Hey! That’s awesome! Congrats!" Eunseok says, his enthusiasm infectious. "So, Anton’s getting you something nice, right?"

"Yeah, he’s getting me a book series I wanted," you say, your excitement evident.

Eunseok smiles, "Want me to buy you something too?"

Your eyes sparkle with mischief. "Wait, really?”

He nods his head once and hums, “Yeah. Anything else you have your heart set on?”

“Want to take me out for some kbbq?"

Eunseok laughs, nodding. "Sure, Korean BBQ it is. I’ll text you to pick a date."

Anton forces a smile, trying to hide his disappointment. "Great, that sounds like a lot of fun."

You beam, clearly thrilled. "Awesome! Thanks, Eunseok. And thanks again, Anton, for the book series."

"Of course," Anton says, his voice softer now. "I’m really proud of you."

After a few more exchanges, Eunseok and Anton say their goodbyes, and you hang up. The moment the call ends, Anton feels a heavy weight settle in his chest. He can't shake off the sadness that you so eagerly accepted Eunseok's offer and that you would be going out to eat with him. It felt a bit too intimate, and jealousy gnaws at him.

Anton sulks around the dorm, trying to distract himself but failing miserably. Later on, once everyone has eaten and gotten ready for bed, Anton sits in the common area still pouting and eating an apple after skipping out on dinner because Eunseok was in charge of cooking tonight. Wonbin notices his friend's gloomy demeanor and approaches him with concern.

"Hey, what's got you all pouty?" Wonbin asks, nudging Anton gently.

Anton sighs, running a hand through his hair. "It's nothing. Just... feeling a bit off, I guess."

Wonbin raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. "Come on, what is it? I know something's bothering you."

Anton hesitates, then finally gives in. "It's just... ____’s done with her exams and I offered to buy her a gift, she was really happy about it. But then Eunseok came in and offered to buy her something too and she accepted without a second thought. It just... I don’t know, it feels different."

Wonbin nods, understanding dawning on his face. "Ah, I see. You're feeling jealous."

"Yeah," Anton admits quietly. "I know it's stupid, but I can't help it. I’ve been in love with her for years, and she doesn’t even see me that way. And now she’s going out with Eunseok... it just hurts."

Wonbin claps a reassuring hand on Anton's shoulder. "Hey, it’s not stupid. Feelings are complicated. But maybe it's time to tell her how you really feel. Who knows, she might feel the same way."

Anton looks at Wonbin, a mixture of hope and fear in his eyes. "Maybe. I just don’t want to ruin what we have."

"Sometimes you have to take a risk to get what you really want," Wonbin says softly. "And you deserve to be happy too, Anton."

Anton nods, taking a deep breath. "Thanks, Wonbin. I’ll think about it."

As he walks back to his shared room, Anton's mind races with thoughts of you, the possibilities, and the courage he would need to finally confess his feelings. But for now, he just hopes you’re happy, even if it isn’t with him.

The next day, you head over to Anton’s dorm, excited to pick up the gift and hang out with your best friend. The sun is shining brightly, and there’s a lightness in your step as you approach the familiar building. When you knock on his door, it opens almost immediately, and Anton greets you with a warm smile.

"Hey! Come in," he says, stepping aside to let you enter.

"Thanks," you reply, stepping into the cozy space. The dorm has always felt like a second home to you, a place filled with fond memories and shared moments.

Anton walks the two of you to his room before going over to his desk and picks up a carefully wrapped package. "Here it is," he says, handing it to you with a shy grin.

You take the package, your eyes widening in surprise. "Wow, you wrapped it and everything! How did you get it so fast?"

Anton chuckles. "The perks of Amazon Prime," he replies, looking pleased with your reaction.

You laugh and start to unwrap the gift, revealing the book series you’ve been wanting. Your heart swells with gratitude, and you look up at Anton with a beaming smile. "Thank you so much, Anton! This is perfect."

"I’m glad you like it," he says softly, watching as you flip through the pages of the first book.

Just then, your phone buzzes with a text from your roommate. You glance at the screen and read the message. “Ouu, Mina just texted me about a party."

You look up at Anton, excitement and a hint of mischief in your eyes. "Do you wanna come with me? It’ll be a great way to celebrate."

Anton hesitates, his brow furrowing slightly. "A party? I don’t know... that’s not really my scene."

"Please, Anton," you say, giving him your best puppy-dog eyes. "It would mean a lot to me if you came. We can have fun together, and it’s a good chance to let loose before I leave for the summer."

He sighs, but the look in your eyes makes it impossible for him to say no. "Alright, I’ll go," he agrees, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Yay! Thank you!" you exclaim, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. "You’re the best, Anton."

He hugs you back, savoring the moment before you pull away. "I’ll see you later then. I need to get ready," you say, heading for the door.

"See you later," Anton replies, watching you leave with a fond look in his eyes.

After you’ve gone, Anton turns to find his roommates. He finds all six of them in the common area, discussing their plans for the evening. "Hey, guys. We’re going to a party tonight," Anton announces.

"A party? Are you sure you want to go?" Sungchan asks.

Sohee nods, “yeah, I never pegged you as the party going type.

Anton sends a sharp glare their way. “____ invited me, I’m sure it’ll be fun.”

"I’m sure it will," Wonbin adds, glancing at Anton. He remembers the conversation they had last night and grins. "So, is this the night you finally tell her how you feel?"

Anton’s cheeks flush slightly. "Ahhh, hyung!"

Eunseok raises an eyebrow. "Wait, tell who what?"

Wonbin nudges the younger male. "Anton’s in love with ____. Has been for years."

All the boy's eyes widen in surprise, as they stare at their youngest in shock. Shotaro is the first to react, he breaks into a wide grin. "Really? That’s awesome! We need to make sure you confess tonight."

Anton groans. "No. Guys, please. I don’t want to make it a big deal."

His words go right over everyone's heads as they start coming up with a masterplan to help out their brother.

"Don’t worry, Anton," Wonbin says with a mischievous glint in his eye. "We’ve got your back. Tonight’s the night."

Anton sighs, knowing there’s no stopping them. As the evening approaches, the dorm buzzes with excitement. The guys are all determined to help Anton confess his feelings to you by the end of the party, and Anton can only hope that everything goes well.

___

Back in your dorm, you and Mina are getting ready for the party. The room is filled with the upbeat music Mina insists on playing whenever you two are preparing for a night out. You’re both rifling through your closets, trying on different outfits, and swapping opinions on what looks best.

“This party is going to be amazing,” Mina says, holding up a sparkly top against herself and checking the mirror. “Are you sure Anton’s coming?”

“Of course,” you reply, slipping into the black dress you finally settled on. “I convinced him. He’s not really into parties, but he agreed to come.”

Mina grins and raises an eyebrow. “You know, that’s probably because he has a thing for you. So, when are you going to confess your feelings?”

You roll your eyes, waving off her comment. “We’re just friends, Mina. He doesn’t see me like that.”

Mina gives you a skeptical look. “Are you sure about that? You two are pretty close, and I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

“Seriously, it’s not like that,” you insist, feeling a twinge of discomfort. You don’t want to get your hopes up or think about the possibility of Anton seeing you as more than a friend. “Let’s drop it, okay?”

Mina shrugs, sensing the finality in your tone. “Alright, alright. But if you change your mind, tonight could be the perfect time.”

You finish getting ready in silence, both focused on your makeup and hair. Once you’re satisfied with your looks, you grab your bags and head out the door, excitement bubbling within you for the night ahead.

The party is already in full swing by the time you and Mina arrive. The house is packed with people, music blaring, and laughter echoing through the rooms. You’re greeted by a wave of familiar faces, everyone eager to chat and offer you drinks.

Anton stands off to the side, trying to blend into the background while watching you interact with ease. He sees guys coming up to you, talking and laughing, some even offering you drinks. A pang of jealousy hits him, but he tries to push it aside.

Sungchan, noticing Anton’s brooding expression, decides to take action. He grabs two drinks and walks over to Anton, shoving them into his hands. “Here, take these. Go talk to her. Stop sulking.”

Anton hesitates but knows Sungchan is right. He takes a deep breath and walks over to you, hoping to get a moment alone.

You notice Anton approaching and smile brightly. “Hey! I’m so glad you made it.”

“Hey,” he replies, handing you one of the drinks. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

The two of you find a quieter corner and start chatting about your summer plans. You excitedly tell him about your upcoming girls’ trip to Tulum, and he shares his plans to go on tour with the boys before heading back to New Jersey to spend time with his family.

“I’m so excited for you,” you say, genuinely happy for him. “Touring sounds incredible.”

“Thanks,” Anton says, his eyes softening as he looks at you. “And Tulum sounds amazing. You’re going to have so much fun.”

Just as you’re about to dive into another topic, Sohee appears out of nowhere, grabbing both of your arms. “Hey, you two! Come on, we’re starting a drinking game in the basement. You have to join us!”

You laugh, allowing Sohee to drag you towards the basement. “Alright, alright, we’re coming!”

Anton follows, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness.

The basement is filled with a mix of excitement and apprehension as everyone gathers around in a circle for the game. The room is dimly lit, creating an intimate atmosphere perfect for a game of Dare or Drink. Sohee stands in the center, holding an empty bottle, and addresses the group with a mischievous grin.

"Alright, losers," Sohee announces loudly, "we're playing Dare or Drink. It's pretty self-explanatory, but here are the rules: we spin the bottle, and if it lands on you, you either do the dare or take a drink. Got it?"

Everyone nods, a mix of nervous laughter and anticipation rippling through the group. Seunghan is the first to spin the bottle, and it lands on Chaemin. The room holds its breath as he smirks.

"Alright, Chaemin," Seunghan says, leaning forward, "I dare you to kiss the person next to you."

Chaemin's eyes widen, her cheeks turning pink as she looks to her side and sees Shotaro. She bites her lip, hesitating. Shotaro's face is already turning red, a nervous smile on his lips. Chaemin quickly decides and grabs her drink, taking a big gulp instead of completing the dare.

You giggle, noticing Shotaro's embarrassment, and pat his shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry, Shotaro. Maybe next time," you say with a playful wink.

Chaemin, still blushing, spins the bottle next. It twirls around before pointing at Wonbin. She grins mischievously. "Wonbin, I dare you to strip and go skinny dipping with me."

The room erupts in cheers and laughter, the boys howling at the suggestion. Wonbin, however, chuckles and shakes his head, opting to take a drink instead.

Sohee rolls her eyes dramatically. "Come on, guys! This game is boring if no one does the dares. Step it up!"

With a determined look, Wonbin spins the bottle, and it lands on Anton. Anton's eyes widen as everyone hoots and hollers, anticipating the dare.

"Alright, Anton," Wonbin says, his voice dripping with mischief, "I dare you to make out with the hottest girl in the room."

The group falls silent, all eyes on Anton as he blushes furiously. You can feel your own cheeks heating up, heart pounding as you wait to see what he'll do. Anton looks around nervously, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than the others.

Anton hesitates, his mind racing. He can feel the weight of everyone's eyes on him, especially yours. The truth is, he already knows who the hottest girl in the room is to him, but saying it out loud and acting on it in front of everyone feels daunting.

With a deep breath, he glances at you again, the unspoken feelings swirling in his eyes. "I—"

But before he can finish, the group erupts in cheers and laughter again, breaking the tension. Anton, still flustered, grabs his drink and takes a large gulp, avoiding the dare.

You can't help but feel a mix of relief and disappointment. You give him a supportive smile, hoping to ease his nerves. Anton looks at you, his eyes filled with gratitude and something else you can't quite place. The game continues, but you and Anton share a few more glances, the unspoken tension between you growing stronger with each passing moment.

As the game progresses and the drinks flow, the atmosphere in the basement becomes increasingly lively. Laughter fills the air, and the group becomes more daring with each spin of the bottle. You’ve mostly opted for drinks over dares, feeling the effects of the alcohol start to kick in. Your inhibitions are lowered, and a warm buzz settles over you as you join in the fun.

It's your turn again, and you watch as Sohee gives the bottle a playful spin. It twirls around before slowing down and pointing directly at you. The room erupts into cheers and laughter, and you can't help but giggle nervously as all eyes turn to you.

Sohee grins mischievously. "Alright, ____, I dare you to kiss the most attractive male in the room."

You scoff, feeling emboldened by the alcohol coursing through your veins. "Pfft, easy," you say with a playful smirk.

Without hesitation, you turn to Anton, your heart pounding in your chest. His eyes widen in surprise, his cheeks flushing as he meets your gaze. The room falls silent, anticipation hanging thick in the air.

With a boldness you didn’t know you possessed, you lean in and press your lips against his, the kiss soft but filled with an undeniable electricity. Cheers erupt from the group as they watch in amazement, some even whistling and hollering in approval.

For a moment, everything fades away except for the sensation of Anton’s lips against yours, the warmth of his embrace, and the pounding of your heart. It feels like time slows down, and you lose yourself in the moment, forgetting about everything else but the connection between you and Anton.

When you finally pull away, breathless and flushed, the room erupts into cheers and applause. Anton stares at you, his eyes wide with surprise and something else you can't quite place.

Sohee claps you on the back, grinning from ear to ear. "Now that's what I call a dare!" he exclaims, earning laughter and agreement from the others.

As the cheers and applause die down, you begin to realize the weight of what just happened. Your heart races with a mix of nerves and excitement, unsure of what this means for your relationship with Anton.

Anton's eyes meet yours, his expression unreadable as he stands and reaches out to take your hand, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. "Come on," he says softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "Let's get out of here."

You feel a pang of disappointment as Anton leads you away from the group, away from the pulsating energy of the party. A part of you wants to stay, to revel in the adrenaline rush of the moment, but another part knows that you need to talk, to figure out what this kiss means for your friendship.

But as Anton guides you up the stairs, you can't help but whine, dragging your feet like a child being dragged away from their favorite toy. "But I don't want to leave," you protest, your voice slurred from the alcohol. "I'm having fun."

Anton shoots you a warning look, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. "____, we need to talk," he says firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Reluctantly, you follow him into an empty bedroom, the noise of the party fading into the background. Anton closes the door behind you, and for a moment, there's nothing but silence between you.

"I..." Anton starts, his voice trailing off as he struggles to find the right words. "I don't know what this means for us, but... that kiss, it felt..."

Before he can finish, you cut him off with a giggle, swaying unsteadily on your feet. "Anton, you're overthinking it," you say with a drunken smile. "Let's just go back to the party."

But Anton shakes his head, a determined look in his eyes. "No, we need to talk about this."

You pout, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by the seriousness of the situation. "Fine," you mumble, crossing your arms over your chest.

Anton sighs, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He realizes that you're too drunk to have a proper conversation, too caught up in the moment to fully understand the implications of what just happened. With a heavy heart, he decides to abandon the conversation for now, knowing that it's pointless to try to reason with you in your current state.

Instead, he takes a deep breath and gently guides you out of the room, back towards his dorm. You stumble slightly, leaning on him for support as you navigate the streets together.

When you finally reach his room, Anton helps you onto his bed, tucking you in with gentle hands. You mumble a sleepy thank you, already drifting off into a drunken slumber.

Anton watches you for a moment, his heart heavy with uncertainty. He knows that things will never be the same between you, that this kiss has changed everything. But as he looks down at your sleeping form, a small smile tugs at his lips. Maybe, just maybe, this could be the beginning of something new.

With a sigh, he turns away, grabbing a makeup wipe to gently wipe off your makeup. He changes you into one of his oversized shirts and a pair of his boxers, making sure to avert his eyes as he does so.

Once you're settled, he takes a pillow and a blanket, making himself comfortable on the floor beside the bed. He knows that he needs to be there for you, to take care of you, even if it means sacrificing his own comfort.

As he drifts off to sleep, thoughts of you swirl through his mind. He feels nervous about what the future holds for your friendship, but also excited at the possibility of something more. And as he falls asleep beside you, he knows that whatever happens, he'll always be there for you, ready to support you through whatever comes your way.

The morning light filters through the curtains, casting a soft glow into Anton's room. You slowly blink your eyes open, groaning at the pounding headache that greets you. As you try to piece together the events of last night, memories flood back to you in bits and pieces. The party, the drinking, the kiss...

Your heart sinks as you realize where you are. You sit up slowly, the room spinning slightly as you take in your surroundings. You're in Anton's room, and the memories of the drunken kiss flood back to you with embarrassing clarity. You feel stupid for letting things get out of hand, for letting your feelings show in such a reckless way.

As you start to get dressed, pulling on your pants with shaky hands, the door creaks open and Anton enters, carrying a glass of water and some pills. You freeze, your heart racing as you meet his gaze. There's a moment of awkward silence as you both stand there, unsure of what to say.

Anton breaks the silence first, holding out the water and pills to you. "Here," he says softly, his voice gentle. "You'll feel better after you take these."

You take the medicine gratefully, mumbling a small thank you as you swallow the pills with a sip of water. Anton watches you carefully, his expression unreadable as he waits for you to speak.

Finally, he clears his throat, his voice hesitant. "About last night...," he starts, trailing off as he searches for the right words. "I wanted to talk to you about the kiss."

Your heart sinks even further, and you feel a blush creeping up your cheeks. "Oh, uh... yeah," you mumble, trying to play it off casually. "It was just a stupid drunken kiss. We were both drunk, and I... I didn't mean anything by it."

Anton's gaze softens, and you can see the doubt flickering in his eyes. He takes a step towards you, his voice barely above a whisper. "Do you mean that?" he asks, his tone gentle but insistent. "Or... do you have feelings for me?"

You feel a lump forming in your throat, and you struggle to find the right words. "I... I don't know," you admit, feeling flustered and exposed under his gaze. "It was just a... a stupid mistake."

But Anton knows you're lying, knows you're trying to brush off something that meant more to both of you than you're willing to admit. With a newfound confidence, he takes another step towards you, closing the distance between you.

"____," he says softly, reaching up to caress your cheek with trembling fingers. "I've loved you for years. That kiss... it meant everything to me."

You stare up at him in shock, your heart pounding in your chest. You're not sure how to respond, not sure if you're ready to face the truth of your feelings for him. But before you can say anything, Anton leans in, his lips capturing yours in a gentle, hesitant kiss.

For a moment, everything fades away except for the warmth of Anton's embrace, the softness of his lips against yours. As the kiss deepens, you wrap your arms around him, pulling him closer, Anton hums, his right hand slides under your hair to rest on your neck.

You quietly moan when he spreads your mouth with his and slips his tongue into your wet mouth. Anton’s fingers are tangled in your hair, his thumb resting on the side of your face. He tilts his head and deepens the kiss. He moans when he wraps his tongue around yours. He rests his other hand on the small of your back as he reclines you slowly, carefully, until you are laying down and he is hovering over you. He retracts his left hand from your back and starts to slowly rub circles on the inside of your thighs.

You slightly push him away feeling overwhelmed with all the new sensations but you know you need to tell him this before anything else happens, “I love you too.”

Anton smiles down at you and pecks your lips once more, “I love you more.”

In that moment you feel a sense of completeness wash over you, a feeling of rightness that you've never experienced before. As you lose yourself in his eyes, in the warmth and safety of Anton's embrace, you know that this is just the beginning of your journey together, the start of something beautiful and true.

[crescencestudio]

2024 Recap & 2025 GOALS

I'M BAAAAACCKKKKKK

Well, well, well.... Look who it IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello my friends.

It is I!!!

To say it's been a while since we've really talked would be an understatement. This bitch rly went fckn off the radar that second half of 2024. But I'm happy to say I am making my debut once again and I am back on the scene!!!

I hope the start of 2025 has been going well for you all <3 I'm happy and excited to say that after a grueling 2024 and relaxing holidays, I'm finally back and ready to get to WORK on Alaris! I thought a nice way to get back into things would be a big 'ol yappy post in true Crescence fashion so that you all know exactly where I, and Alaris, are at as we enter the new year :')

I'm excited to say that while I don't have a set date yet...

Alaris WILL be releasing this year even if it kills me.

Just as my big year goal in 2024 was to graduate and I used every ounce of inner strength to make that happen, finishing and releasing Alaris is my big goal this year. I've kept you all waiting long enough, and I'm confident that Alaris is at a point that we'll be able to do a release this year. Of course, if this changes, you all will be the first to know. But I'm very hopeful that we can make a 2025 release happen ^^

That being said, I think it might be nice to do a 2024 recap so we can see just how far the project has come, even if I was shoved off the face of the earth in the later months of 2024 \o/

Last year, we actually finished ALL the writing for every route except for Aisa's! Meaning we reached 300k words of writing for the game and only have 50k words left YEEAAAAAA. And all routes are written up except for one! This was a huge milestone for me since I still remember when I finished the first 50k for the game with Kayn's route all the way back in the beginning. And we're finally nearing the end.

I've always considered writing the hardest part of game development so to have finally reached a point where almost all of the writing is finished was a huge achievement for me last year.

We also made HUGE progress on the art front last year ^^ Not only did we finish all of the backgrounds for the full game, we also got a new GUI, updated sprites and CGs, and a new promo piece in anticipation for the release of the new demo.

We also made progress on CGs for the full game, which I will not be showing because spoilers and those are special nuggets Patreon and Kickstarter backers get access to hehe. But we made about 16 finished CGs last year, getting us to a total of 22 CGs and about halfway through our CG count!!

Last but definitely not least, we actually had a good amount of releases last year (considering I got fckn bodied in the second half of the year) ^^

a moment for Van

In 2024, believe it or not, I actually released the extended version of Intertwine! It featured new music, slightly more polished programming, and almost double the writing :') And with this release, we saw Intertwine get a lot more love throughout the year and actually reached 200k plays and 1k ratings (crazy numbers I never thought I'd see in all my days). So thank you all for continuing to love my fated child <3

a moment for my whore child

We also released the enhanced demo for Alaris last year, featuring a polished script (with some revised dates), partial voice acting, custom OST, new GUI, new BGs, updated sprites and CGs, and much more! This was an exciting milestone for me since it felt like we finally were approaching a release that reflected what the full game would feel like, and I couldn't have been happier with the release :') It meant so much to me that old and new players enjoyed it as much as they did and really gave me the motivation endorphins to keep chipping away towards full release

HE.

And then, perhaps the most exciting of all, Alaris entered its BETA ROUTE ERAAAAAA!!!! We kicked it off with Kayn in honor of hot girl summer, but made our way through half of the LIs with Kayn, Fenir, and Druk each getting their own moment to shine \o/ The reception to these routes was super motivating since players finally got to experience content I'd been working on and keeping to myself for almost a year, and I've been so happy seeing people fall in love with the LIs in in different ways :')

Usually I do a little recap with fanart I make of games I played throughout the year as well, but this year I wanted to do something different and dedicate this little section to YOU ALL!!

In 2024, the Alaris community was blessed with fanart, memes, character questions, and more :') For some reason, 2024 was the year a lot of you decided to really show your love for the game, and it's one of the biggest things that's maintained my sanity, and the reason I love working on the game. While I can't show all the fanart everyone made, I wanted to take a second to show some love

credits to: @/egginthepit, @/nanapop, @/stimulatory, and @/dreamtydraw for cracked fanart

I know I dropped the ball near the end of 2024, but I hope you all know how much seeing fanart and people engaging with Alaris means to me. Every time I see a new piece or a new character ask in the inbox, it genuinely makes my day. I hope this year I can be better at recognizing and fostering the love in the community for all of our LIs, and I can't wait for another year with you all!

credits to: lily of @/lavendeerstudios, bestie maguna, @/starlitplum, and @/fignia-kakay-to

Here's to a new year that is hopefully filled with more excitement for Alaris, progress, and an eventual release (eek!!!!). Thank you all for sticking with me for another year!

[atelierlili]

In-Panem/Not Reaped Everlark AUs

Got asked to give some fanfic recommendations for In-Panem/Not Reaped Everlark AUs so here we are. Most of them (if not all of them) are gonna be fluffy and happy tbh because i can't take my pookies being hurt ):

Completed:

A New Path (138k words) by Endlessnightlock

The day after aging out of the Reaping, Katniss crosses paths with Peeta. She thanks him for the bread and to her surprise, a tentative friendship begins.

One of my favourites. I love the direction the author took with this story. Always made me want more!

Go Slow, Peeta (20k words) by Oakfarmer

The era of the Hunger Games has come to an end. How Everlark slowly happened anyway.

This was the one that started it all for me. Short, simple and to the point! A classic in my opinion.

Nothing Owed for a Gift (10k words) by orphaned account

Lately, Merchants have taken to flirting with unwitting Seam folk as a joke, sometimes going so far as to ask them out on a date. I've even heard of a couple instances of a Merchant asking someone from the Seam to marry them, and then laughing hysterically when the poor recipient says 'yes'. So, when Peeta Mellark approaches me after the reaping, red with nerves and pushing his lips together as if he's trying very hard not to do something like laugh, I'm immediately wary. Peeta can't possibly be asking me to marry him for real. ... right?

Urgh. Literally one of my favourite one-shots.

Inevitability (44k words) by Xerxia

What if? What if Peeta and Prim hadn't been reaped?

Definitely not the fluffiest fics in the list, but Katniss absolutely SHINES here. And Peeta stays very true to his character as well. Absolutely worth the read.

It Takes A District (55k words) by MTK4FUN

Thinking her mother is dying, Katniss Everdeen marries Peeta Mellark to keep her sister out of the Community Home.

I love this fic. I don't know what it is, but there's something about it that makes it standout on its own.

Katniss Everdeen Is Not A Stalker (241k words) by MegaAuLover

Katniss as a little problem, she can't stop looking through Peeta's window, trying to find a way to pay her boy with the bread back but as time goes on she realizes she wants more. But there is a problem the District is flooded with Peacekeepers and everyone faces danger as the Capitol tightens its reigns on the district. Can love bloom in the middle of adversity? Or will it shrivel in the face of surmounting danger?

This is the one. Easily one of the bestest AUs imo. Very long read- but I will be naming my first born after the squirrel. The Everlark relationship here is A+++.

Incomplete/Ongoing:

( I know its weird to recommend incomplete fics, some these ones are legitimately my favourite fics and think are still worth the read.)

Cavedweller (79k words) by Jennajuicebox (last update: 2021-01-25)

Her mother once told her she was brave. A word Katniss wouldn't have chosen for herself. Brave implies that you run headlong into the scary unknown. Brave implies you face the things that want you dead. It dredges up thoughts of conquering armies and swords raised over head. Katniss isn't brave. As much as she would never admit it to herself she is scared out of her wits. She is staring into a gaping chasm, waiting for it to swallow her whole.

I love AUs that explore Katniss otherside of the family so much. As always, the Everlark development here is absolutely heartwarming and delicious. 10/10

On the Threshold ( 97k words) by ghtlovesthg (last update: 2020-06-26)

Nineteen and free from the Reapings forever, Katniss finds a token on her doorstep commemorating her passage over the threshold of adulthood. Discovering the identity of the sender will start Katniss on a road that leads toward life's other milestones.

This is exactly how I envisioned Everlark would get together had it not been for the Reapings. So so so so good. There is just enough here to be satisfied that the fic is unfinished ; w;

hope you find something you like! I always have more if you want more to sink your teeth into <3 Happy readings!

@heartforeyes @the-tiny-fangirl

[polarmoon]

my top 24 screenshots of 2024 🌙

this year has been really big for me when it comes to getting back into simblr, after years of long breaks and inconsistency since 2020. i really feel like i'm back in the swing of things, and i'm really happy about it! i also hit 10 years on simblr this june which is wild, and i'm currently a few followers away from a huge milestone :') thank you guys for making this year so special and great!

@kari-sims tagged me! it was a fun little walk down memory lane. i'm not gonna tag anyone, but i do encourage ppl to do it regardless! it's really nice to look back and give your own screenshots some love. <3

i've played a ton of signal hill this year and there could definitely be more of them in this post, but all my favorite screenshots are unedited! i really have to get around to editing and posting those. maybe i'll do a big signal hill queue in january to get caught back up.

my biggest project this year has been rebooting the fitch legacy, which i started prepping in the spring and posting this summer. the prologue section was one of my more ambitious projects i've had on simblr believe it or not, probably since i did legit storytelling back in like 2014-2015 honestly

i'm super proud of how it turned out, even if i'd probably go back and refine my editing process now that i've learned more about what i like. going back and retelling the original first generation through an updated and realistic lens was so much fun!

playing with benji has made me learn to love ts4 again, which has been so rewarding. it's not perfect, but it's nice when you have a sim you actually care about, and benji is definitely that sim for me. i miss him and have been itching to get back into his save but i really want to see if a bands pack is coming next year first lmao

meanwhile my occult legacy has been a really good way to occupy myself while i wait to play the fitches again. it has gotten me out of my comfort zone a lot, and i'm having a ton of fun with a more casual but still challenging and interesting save. it will probably end up on the backburner eventually, but for now i'm really enjoying it and i'm excited to see where things go. i especially love percy, and i'm really excited for his generation, which has been keeping me motivated to play more!

and finally some misc shots. couldn't forget pippa, since her post blew up when i wasn't expecting it and so many people seemed to love her. what a creature. i should honestly upload her tray files or smth

bonus! some of my fav cas shots from this year :) im trying to experiment in cas more, and i think it's going okay. i also wanna just make some sims in ts2 for fun for once since i'm usually solely gameplay focused in ts2. and just posting more in general when im actively playing.

if you've read this far, ty for coming along for the ride, and happy holidays! <3

[hashimasims]

Apologies for the long post ahead

(that's why I put under a cut lol)

Where do I begin? My name is Minthe Thalzoh and my mother is an Elf and my Father is an Alien!

Wait! Let me start over, sorta, from the beginning.

My father crash landed his ship in my Mother's backyard, one thing led to another and now they're the loves of each other's lives and married. They moved out to Willow Creek to start a family.

ENTER ME!

Wasn't I just the cutest little infant!?!

Anyway . . .

My parents knew even then that I was going to be a genius! Though this could have been because of my mixed species genetics. I hit almost every Milestone ahead of the expected timeline and understood and could do a lot more than a "normal" Infant.

Then I became a Toddler!

Not long after, my sister Kaeleen came around and I didn't get as much of my parent's attention, this upset me understandably but I did know that she was smaller and needed more help. I again met all my milestones and sped through all possible toddler skills before my next Lifestage.

As a child I reached the top of my class within a couple of days and worked through two Aspirations. Mom got pregnant again and gave me another sister, Kira, so I helped Kaeleen as best as I could with all her Milestones and Skills. Soon enough it was time for my next birthday.

Father's distress signal was finally answered (took them long enough!) and his world leaders were sending him - and by extension the rest of us - a rescue shuttle to pick us up and bring us back to Unvahiri. I didn't want to go, I was born on this planet and though traveling to another planet did sound like the adventure of a lifetime I made my case to stay. Father agreed as long as I could pass and graduate high school early and get into college before the shuttle got here. Of course I did it! Did you have any doubts? I got into Foxbury for a Distinguished Degree in Physics and I plan to Minor in Robotics. I even got a full ride! My parents set aside a bit of Simoleons for me once I graduate so I can buy a house and start living the Simlander Dream.

I'm sad to have missed meeting my newest sister, Laryse, in person. She was born on the way to Unvahiri, but I get video transmissions from them from time to time. They hope to make it back for when I graduate but I told them not to worry about it and I would try to set up some sort of recording for them. But that was still a long way away, I still have to pass all my classes first. It's a bit lonely right now but at least I was able to sneak my pet, Voxel, into the Dorm. I think the College Board knows he's here but hasn't said anything - yet.

So without further ado I welcome you to a (my) restart of the Not so Berry Challenge

Beginning|Previous|Next

Watcher's notes: I plan for this to be 99.9% all gameplay based but will try to add in a bit of story here and there for fun but I started this save as a de-compressor for Elucea's story which even though I plan different things and randomly write bits for it (not all will I use obvi) it does get rather tiring some days when I do get into that save file (which probably led to my being more in a building/CAS mood for a bit). I want to actually get through a TRUE challenge for once and I've tried the Not So Berry a couple times and abandoned it but through sharing my Glynnans I have made it to Gen 6 so far and don't plan on stopping so maybe by sharing my NSB gameplay I can complete this challenge for once.

Credits (I will try to remember to leave any pose credits when I use them but I can not guarantee that I will remember since I normally Queue out a scene which a good majority of the time takes 5+ posts and then try to remember to add pose credits when I've finished so I do apologize ahead of time when I inevitable forget same as I have been doing for my story with Elucea):

Minthe and Voxel picture - Cat Travels by @bananasplit-sims

Infant Minthe portrait - Happy Christmas by @simmisstrait

Toddler Minthe portrait - Xmas poses 16 by @simmerianne93

Child Minthe portraits - Family Together by @simmireen

Teen Minthe Portraits - Ordris, Kira, and Shreava (parents with infant) are posed with Portrait Poses 14 by Simmerianne93 Minthe and Kaeleen are posed with Stand By Me (redone) by @talentedtrait

Character Card by @stormistargazer

Minthe's portrait in Character card and banner portrait - F. Model Pt. VI by @sciophobis

[writingforstraykids]

My beloved cutie mooties🥺🖤

(edited 12.05.24)

🖤@atinyniki🖤

Niki, my beautiful sunshine, I'm so grateful to have you through thick and thin. I'm still convinced you're cute and idc whether you accept that or not. I love talking to you and you're one of the kindest people I know (unless you yell at me you meanie...joking obviously, chill guys😂🖤) I'll always be there for you...also pls stop spending so much money on me cutie😭 Keep shining sunny bunny...love you, pretty girl🖤

🖤@zehina🖤

my beloved (not so silent anymore) bestie, i love our shared European confusion and confusing the others together in return. you're such a cute little kitty and we all know u love being called cute so...you're very cute, deal with it🤭I love our shared stupidity whenever we talk about the boys and seriously, every time you send me your part for the rambles I'd drop to my knees and pay for it bc holy shit. I'll always be there if you need me, keep fighting lovey. love you unnie🖤

🖤@galaxycatdrawz🖤

azzy, I'm so proud of slowly pulling you a little from the shadows you were hiding in😂 also...idk how I managed to do so, but I'm still laughing about achieving most of your tumblr milestones😭 i love sharing requests with you, working out ideas or simply do as you said and write what my brain couldn't figure out. thank you for always being there for me and sharing your brilliant brain with me, co-writer🤭 also it's such a bummer we live so far away bc after what we talked about so far I know you'd be the best cuddle buddy🥺 love you azzy my cutest little thing🖤

🖤@jinnie-ret 🖤

jinnie my dear, even though we haven't talked that much so far, I always love it when we get the chance🤭 can't wait to get to know you better as well and I'm already so excited for that fic👀looveeee your writing sm🖤

🖤@sona1800🖤

you're my newest mootie and I love you so much already it's ridiculous (niki can confirm that🥹) you're always so sweet and you literally outshine every fic with your loving reblogs and comments (I'm just too speechless to answer properly, I really love them🥺) so yeah, that's why you got the tag "the cutest" 🤭🖤

🖤@silverstarburst🖤

Ash. my dear, we don't have that much time to talk usually because you're either working or I'm asleep (a rarity but still). Nevertheless, you have a special place in my heart by now and I'm thankful for your presence in my life. I know who to text if I need someone to kick ass. Your reblogs make me smile like some idiot every time, thank you so much for appreciating my lil dummy ideas so much. love you mama wolf🖤

🖤@slutforchanlix🖤

Miu, babyy, I've made you cry way too often with stuff like this—my bad. I know it's not always easy, but you're one of the kindest people I know, and I love that I have someone with whom I can talk in my native language for once. You're a sweetheart and thank you for always being there for me. I still plan to meet you one day hehe. Long story short, you're amazing, don't let anyone else try to make you believe anything less than that. Bin immer für dich da🖤

🖤@michelle4eve🖤

heyy mimi, we haven't talked much so far...sometimes accidentally when you mistook my icon for niki's I hope that's easier now😂😉 you seem like such a kind soul and I hope we'll get closer over time (no rush dear!) I'm happy over each of your reblogs, especially after you told us you're too shy to do so sometimes. I really appreciate it, you cutie🖤

🖤@chrizzztopherbang🖤

I always loved seeing you pop up in my notifications with your sweet comments. I already think you're a sweetheart, I know we haven't talked that much yet. Still, I loved prereading your fics and getting a glimpse into your genius brain. Don't give up writing as long as you have fun with it, because you're truly amazing at it🖤

🖤@wolfyychan🖤

You've been around on my prior blog already and still my stupid brain didn't realize you've changed usernames for so long😭😂 I always look forward to your excited comments and reblogs, they're truly a boost of motiviation ngl. Hope to have you around for a long time🤭🖤

🖤@james-is-here🖤

Your excitement for that Minchan series made me think about writing bonus chapters for the first time in months. I really love seeing how you get so invested in some of the stories, which makes me want to do better hehe. Also...omg...I'm still thinking about that one fic you wrote a while ago🫠 I'm excited to see what's next and hope we'll get the chance to maybe talk some more🖤

🖤@queer-possum🖤

Without giving away too much, your brain is amazing. I love your requests so much and you're always so kind when I get back to you to make sure I get everything right. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write about certain topics and stuff I haven't so far🖤

🖤@chanandminhoenthusiast🖤

love, love, loveee your blog (for obvious inspirational reasons😉) you seemed like a very sweet soul whenever we talked before and I'll always be there if you need someone to talk, even about the most random bullshit😂🖤

🖤@palindrome969🖤

You're such a lovely person, I can't even put it into words properly. Your writing is beautiful and I'm still in love with that stargazing fic with Channie😭 always love talking to you and seeing your comments🖤

🖤@5starluvr🖤

I've told you so before, I wanna kiss your brain so bad sometimes. The stuff you come up with for me to write is brilliant. I can't wait to finish more of your requests and share ideas as soon as possible! Love you hehe🖤

🖤@mellhwang🖤

Heyy sweetie, I love seeing you in my notes and I swear I'll get that Minchan x Hyunjin thing done for you!! Thank you for all the love, dear🖤

🖤@lost-in-avoidance🖤

The amount of times I made you choke back tears at work is...concerning and I'm so sorry, I don't do it on purpose, I swear😭😂 your reblogs are always so genuine and make me feel like I did exactly what I wanted to with the fic in question. I appreciate your words so much, thank you!

[teaguehq]

For my dear @josephafq on his birthday.

Dear Joseph,

It's your birthday!! I get so excited to celebrate occasions like this with you, and especially the ones like today that make you the focus of a lot of spoiling that you deserve. And that's certainly the plan for today, as I've been making plans for weeks to ensure this day is a full celebration of the day you were born, and a reminder of just how lucky I feel to be here with you for it. I've admittedly waited until the last few days before your birthday to sit and write this letter, since it's always been a bit of a challenge putting into words exactly what I feel, and especially when it comes to my feelings for you. That's a bit silly, right? We're both artists and supposed to be better than most at that sort of thing, but alas, I get so caught up in wanting to say things perfectly and in the way you deserve them that I often forget you always appreciate the effort regardless, and would probably kiss me and tell me I'm overthinking it. You're worth the overthinking is all I can say to that! Because I can't help thinking about our recent confessions and just the fact that you love me, and I love you, and how it's out in the open now. I guess part of me was a little scared to admit that, partly for potentially scaring you away, and partly because it is such a vulnerable thing to admit. I told you that I knew before I'd admitted it, around the time you surprised me with a visit to Calgary and I practically ran off set mid-take just to greet you. I realized when we were saying our goodbyes that I loved you, that I hadn't felt that way about anyone in a long time. And though I didn't say it, I'd like to think that part of you knew. But you can imagine my surprise and my delight when you said that, said you envision a future with me, which was something I'd been hopeful for yet a little afraid of doing myself. Like I'd jinx things if I thought too far ahead, you know? Which sounds silly to say our loud, let alone write.

I want you to know you've definitely eased me out of feeling that way. You're always patient with me, always kind, and every day, I wonder what I did to deserve someone as amazing as you are in my life. Because that's exactly what you are, Joseph, and I couldn't say that about you enough, or thank whatever forces are out there enough that brought us together. I'm grateful that we get to build a life together, and of course that it includes celebrating every milestone and fun event, like birthdays! Because what better time to let you know just how special your existence is in the world? It's certainly made such a huge difference in mine, to the point where I'd never want to live life without you in it. I've also been lucky enough to see all of your amazing accomplishments both in your professional and personal life, and I've never been so happy and so proud of someone, and so overjoyed getting a front row seat to see all of it up close. And when I think about our future, which makes me so happy to say that it's ours, I can't see my being proud of you or happy for you fading in the least, since I know you're going to do so many more amazing things, and that we'll get to do a lot of those together. I know that's one of the most important things to me, making memories with you and spending as much of my time with you as I possibly can. Even when that's a challenge with the two of us always working, the one thing you've shown me and continually reassured me that we're in this together, that we'll always work around whatever distance we have to, that you're not going anywhere. Nor am I, I hope you know, as I'd be all the more lucky to have as much time with you as I can have. So, here's to what I'm hoping will be such an amazing next year for you, with all wishes granted and every single one of your dreams coming true, and me getting to cheer you on for all of it. Happy Birthday, Joseph, and I love you so very much. I hope you look back on this day the way I do all our memories with you, with a smile and the desire to always keep them close to the heart.

Love always, Owen

A birthday isn't a birthday without a cake, and I thought this particular one would be a cake you got a kick out of for the guitar and music theme.

This is one of the gifts I've been slowly working on for weeks, taking pictures of our memories over that time, and often on the sly so it could be a proper surprise. Included are most for our travels, including the trips to London, Tampa, and New York! And of course I had to include the sweet gift you planned for me with the decorations at your apartment, along with the photos we both took for New Year's.

You have such an impressive guitar collection already that it was a challenge trying to think of one you don't already have! Although this one seemed perfect when I couldn't get the time you surprised me with a date at the planetarium off my mind, so only natural you should have a guitar shaped like a star.

Once again, I know I'm likely celebrating a little prematurely, though either way, you'll have this amazing collection of unedited studio songs by The Beatles.

You look so amazing in leather jackets that I couldn't resist getting you another one.

This is a puzzle bracelet, which I both liked the name and the look, not to mention I thought it'd look incredible on your wrist. Happy to take you out for an occasion you can wear it.

A bit of a silly gift, I know, though I love yours and Jamie's friendship and know you'd totally get a kick out of getting something with his face on it. Well, sort of. At least you know he's in there!

This particular surprise for you is in the form of a trip in a Gondola! Banff is just outside of Calgary, and I booked us a tour to ride up Sulfer Mountain and take in all its beautiful views before we head to Banff hot springs! Which, I booked the time slot for just the two of us, so we can hang around int he hot springs and relax for as long as we'd like, at least until I whisk you away for your birthday dinner.

So, this was admittedly the most difficult surprise to keep to myself, but I did book us a cabin just outside of Calgary! And part of the surprise is that while production on the show isn't quite finished, my part of it is, hence why we've got the cabin for the week! It has plenty of amenities to make you feel entirely spoiled, and as you should, including a nice hot tub. and while activities are a bit limited in the winter, we can always go dog sledding, snow shoeing, skiing or skating if your heart desires! I may have also booked a surprise helicopter tour for you, just so we can see everything in the area from another view. But anything else we do this entire week is up to you, so if that end sup just relaxing in the cabin and keeping each other warm, you won't hear me complaining about that in the least.

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

Congratulations on the milestone!!🎈🎉And yes I'm running in at the last minute to beg for

Frank Castle & #15

plus smut, if you please. He & I both know he was made for it.

I'm sorry this took me so long. I've rewritten it a million times and I still hate it.

Masterlist

Midnight Serenade

Contains: Fluff, smut. Takes place in a universe where Billy was a good guy.

1.2K words

So often the end of a love affair is death by a thousand cuts, so often its survival is life by a thousand stitches - Robert Breault.

Frank knew owning and running a business would be hard, even if it was with his best friend, but he didn't think it would be like that. All he wanted to do was go home and put his feet up, but instead, he had to waste his time standing around making sure some twenty something influencer didn't get themselves shot.

Chad Money, as he called himself, had gone too far with some comments online and ended up on the wrong side of a local gang, and now he needed help. Billy and Frank had done their best to send him in another direction, by another client, one who paid them a great deal of money, was insistent that they take him on. It got worse when they realised that insistence came from Chad having dated the client's daughter.

"You got a girl?" Chad sounded like he was trying to be Justin Timberlake at the high of his frosted tip days.

"I got a woman, and she's at home waiting for me, so I would appreciate it if you'd finish buying your shirts so I can get home to her." Frank had been here for hours, no man needs ten of the same shirt in a different colour, especially when they were two thousand dollars each.

Chad flashed him a grin, "You got a photo?"

Frank shook his head, "No, I don't keep one on my person when I'm working. For her safety." That was a lie, Frank had one in his wallet and one in his car, but he wasn't going to say that.

"Shame, I bet she's pretty." Frank wanted to punch him.

"She's very pretty," Frank looked at his watch, "How long will you be? I will need to call someone to relieve me if you're going to be much longer."

Chad shrugged, "I'm done now. I'll buy these and then you can go home to your girl, sorry, your woman."

Frank gave him a tight smile, "Thank you Mr Money."

****

Frank's back ached for the couch as he walked in the door, "By day dearest?" Frank grunted, "Oh, that bad. I imagine it has something to do your new client."

Frank huffed, "He fucking sucks. You know he admitted cheating on that client's daughter. He's fucking shameless."

You shook your head, "I'll get you a beer and you can put Justin Plywoodpond behind you."

Frank made a face, "Plywoodpond, did you come up with that on the fly?"

"Nope, I've been thinking about it since the first text you sent me." You could see the upset fade from Frank's face, "You gotta admit it's pretty good."

Frank already has his phone out, "Hell yeah it is, I'm telling Billy."

"I'd ordered a Pizza from eight just before you came in," you pointed to the freezer as you opened the fridge to get his beer, "I also battered some ice cream when I got home so we can have deep fried ice cream for dessert."

He grinned, "Fucking A, I'm a lucky man."

****

Frank stood behind you in the bathroom as you washed your face, toothbrush in his mouth and a skip in his step, but you waited until he was done to ask him why he was so happy, "What's gotten into you? The ice cream couldn't have been that good."

He smiled, "I just get to do what I've been thinking about all day."

Frank's lips met yours, he tasted of tingle mint, "You already did that when you got home Frank, more than once."

He shook his head, "I wasn't talking about the kiss."

"Oh, I see." You pointed to the bed and smiled, "I'll go wait for you, don't take long or I'll start early."

Frank shot you a look, "I'll be two minutes, you're not that impatient."

Sure enough, two minutes after you were settled, Frank emerged from the bathroom and flopped down into bed next to you, "So?"

You rolled onto your side, threw your leg over Frank's hip and straddled him, "So." You bent down and kissed him and he placed hands on your hips only to slide them all the way up to your face as the kiss deepened.

You felt Frank's cock harden underneath you as he broke the kiss to pull off your shirt. His hands were rough on your bare skin as he sat up and yanked you into his lap. There was an awkward shuffle as your parted so Frank could pull off his sweatpants and he stifled a laugh when you lost your balance on the way back to his lap, "It's not funny Frank."

Frank took your face in his hands and sighed, "It's kinda funny."

Frank pressed his lips to yours and gripped your panties before pulling them down your legs. You placed one hand on his cheek and grinned through the kiss as you ran the other hand all the way down his body to wrap around his cock.

Frank bit off a grunt and nipped your lips as you stroked him, and with a giggle, you removed your hand from his cheek and gave him a shove. It wasn't much in the way of force but he went down onto his back nonetheless. You removed your hand from his cock and slid it back up his body, placing both has on his chest and looking down at him with a smile, "What do you want to do here?"

Frank's eyes racked from where you were sitting on him to your eyes but not before lingering on your breasts, "Whatever you want." One of his huge hands moved from your thigh to your centre and a look of pride came over his face when he found you wet, "All this just from that?"

You sighed, "You're a smug bastard." Further words were stolen when he slid two thick fingers inside you, and it took all your control not to crumple over as he pressed his palm into your clit, "I love you."

Frank didn't slow, "Tell me you love me again."

"I love you." You could feel the tension of his muscles under your hands as you started to rock against his fingers.

"Again." His voice was tight and you wondered what he was thinking as his eyes locked on the hand between your legs.

"I love you." You clenched your legs around him to keep yourself stable as you came around his fingers and Frank huffed as your fingernails pricked the skin on his chest, "I need you."

Frank was already rushing to give you what you asked, pulling his fingers away so he could grab your hips as you gipped his cock and sunk down with a whimper, "Tell me you love me again."

"I love you Frank." You bent down and kissed him as your hips moved and Frank bucked into you.

"I love you too y/n." The rest was a hurried mess of teeth and tongue as one of Frank's hands reached down to rub your clit, "Come on, I'm right behind you."

You were powerless to resist as Frank noised turned feral as you clenched around him, "Atta girl." His hand moved off your clit, and he gripped your hip so hard you knew you would have bruises before he bucked his hips one last time. You felt him pulse inside you and you finally crumpled over as Frank ran his hands up and down your back, "You good?"

You nodded, "I'm great. You wanna order pancakes?"

Frank chuckled, "You got a sudden craving?"

"Yes I do. That place down the street does delivery." You took him in a kiss and he rubbed your nose with his, "It's still open."

Frank sighed, "Ok, pancakes sound good. I love you."

"I love you too Frank."

Fin

[cartograffiti]

May '24 reading diary

This month, I finished 16 books, mostly quick cookbooks and graphic novels!

I started May by listening to a very unseasonal full-cast audiobook of E.T.A. Hoffmann's original The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. When I was a child, I read a lot of different text adaptations of the Tchaikovsky ballet adapted from this story, but only realized I'd never read the original when a friend got me to read Hoffmann's squarely horror story "The Sandman" a few years ago. This was creepier than the ballet story, though clearly written for children, and I'm very glad to have gotten around to it.

K.J. Charles, author of a large number of romances I'm a fan of, put out her first mystery A-plot novel, Death in the Spires. I think it's a good introduction to her style if you're not a big romance person, and I think it was the right call for this plot to prioritize the genre elements in this way, but I also have found her B-plot mysteries more exciting. No problem, I liked it a lot, and it has a lot of juicy thoughts about justice as distinct from the law and how trust is earned or lost. Gay disabled detective.

Two sports romances: You Should Be So Lucky, a sensational 1960s baseball player/magazine journalist relationship, meditating beautifully on the fear of failure and on grief. One of the mains was in a long-term relationship with someone who has died, and I think this is the best widowed romance character I've ever read. Sebastian is also just fabulous at taking a tour of a made-up person, full of small details and slice-of-life stakes. I've read all her books and will continue to; I like her particular approach to historicals and her ability to make queer happy endings distinct and individual. M/M.

The other sports romance I read this month is The Boxing Baroness by Minerva Spencer, which I only mildly enjoyed. Unfortunately I don't even have any real criticisms, I just very simply didn't click with Spencer's style on a sentences level, particularly in sex scenes. Your mileage will vary! There is a lot of really enjoyable bits about the hot honorable love interest thirsting over how strong and cool he thinks the heroine is, and he's right. This is definitely worth trying if the basic premise of woman boxer Regency is your thing. Wait, I do have one plot criticism--this would have been stronger without the epilogue. We didn't actually need to meet [historical figure redacted]. M/F.

Graphic novels--I used to read Chelsey Furedi's Rock and Riot when it was coming out as a webcomic, and I was excited when her follow-up, Project Nought, was suspended soon after launch because of a book deal. Unfortunately I somehow missed it when the book actually came out in 2017, and only when Heartstopper sent me on a nostalgia trip last month did I realize I could read it. I wish I had read Project Nought when it was new! A lot of the sci-fi plot no longer feels futuristic even 7 years on, although the core twist is just fabulous. There isn't enough of the interpersonal depth that shines in Rock and Riot, the villain plot resolution is a bit too easy for the YA market, and overall I just wouldn't pitch this as more than pleasant.

The rest of the graphic novels, far more than pleasant, I read volumes 8, 9, 10, and 11 of Witch Hat Atelier by Shirahama Kamome. This was a good batch to read close together, as they all deal with the events of the same festival. Unfortunately I have to wait for my library to buy the next to see the resolution, but that's how manga goes! I loved a lot of what's happening at this point, with some fabulous milestones in the Coco-Agott friendship, lots of good moments from my favorite of the adults (Olruggio), and continuing to push down on the question of forbidden magic. Shirahama brings in both strong cases of things that deserve to be banned (glasses that let you see through people's clothes, not treated as remotely funny) and things that...maybe don't. I really cannot tell what ethics resolution might be end-game, which is very exciting.

Cookbooks! My lovely mother surprised me with a copy of an 80s book I'd been looking for, Vineyard Seasons by Susan Branch. I wouldn't exactly call her style pastoral, but I've seen her rediscovered a bit by cottagecore, Ghibli-esque, and related aesthetic bloggers. If that kind of romantic daily life artwork appeals to you, you might like her books as much as I do; every page is full of Branch's watercolor paintings, sometimes ornamental borders and sometimes illustrations of the sights of her home in Martha's Vineyard. I read and re-read her books just to linger over the pictures, but almost every recipe I've tried has been a winner.

I also borrowed a whole bunch of cookbooks of literary-inspired recipes. I went through two by Alison Walsh (A Literary Tea Party and A Literary Holiday Cookbook), which were disappointing; they draw from a pretty small range of books, and rely a lot on food coloring to fit the themes. Meanwhile, The Mystery Writers of America Cookbook (ed. Kate White) has a really wide range of difficulty level and approach, only some of them inspired by fiction. Each recipe was contributed by a different author, making it fun in the same way that church and community cookbooks can be, but I don't have any wish to own this, either. I have two others still to look at. (And I already own some I do recommend, Kate Young's Little Library cookbooks and Tim Federle's literary cocktail books.)

More nonfiction: DK Publishing's really insubstantial small coffee table book Banned Books, which didn't have quite enough text (I shouldn't have finished any entries unsure on what grounds they were banned/challenged, and did), but some pretty vintage covers (and not enough of those either).

Really great, with loads of pictures and thorough text: The Big Reveal: An Illustrated Manifesto of Drag by Sasha Velour. I was first aware of gender-fluid queen Sasha Velour as an illustrator and zinester, and in many ways they're the reason I was first interested in drag performers. This book doubles as a history of drag and a personal memoir of Velour's experience with it, and I enjoyed both equally. The history is well-researched and thoughtful, and the memoir is generous and self-aware. And it has some of their comics!

And I'm still reading Dorothy Dunnett's Lymond Chronicles at about one per month. I finished Pawn in Frankincense in May--lush and devastating and funny and infuriating and completely absorbing. Still not a series I would recommend to everyone, and still one I'm so glad I'm reading at this exact moment, when my emotions can go through the juicer and not feel scarred afterwards.

[rapmonkive]

Five months is easy to say, easy to count. But reaching them as a couple takes a lot of effort, and I'm happy that today we get to celebrate five months together.

When we met I wasn't sure if this would go anywhere, I wondered if you were even interested or if I was just waiting for something that would never happen. Now I know why you were so guarded with your heart and I feel honored that you have allowed me into your life, trusting me that I'll be careful with your heart.

It hasn't been easy, but I guess it's not supposed to be. We're both dealing with our issues from the past and we're trying to make it work, but love is there and real and we know this is what we want. Distance is between us lately, and we still talk every day. Distance is nothing for us as long we make the most of the few minutes we have.

I love you and I love you more each day. We're still getting to know each other, learning new things about the other and falling in love even more as we realize how well we fit together. We say that we have always been meant to be together and we were just waiting for the right moment to meet, but I believe it's true. Everything we went through on our own just led to each find each other and now we'll never let go.

I love you. Happy five months!

Five months is a long time and yet no time at all. to us, every month has been a milestone. Every month has been an adventure. It has been a goal and a triumph. Five months used to feel so far away and then it crept up on us suddenly.

We do keep getting stronger, better. I can feel it. I can feel the ways we have grown and shared. the changes we have made and the things we have done for each other. You have been a huge support to me, standing by me in so much, and also the first to tell me when I've fucked up. I respect you and love you. I also really like you as a person and as a friend.

Oir perseverance and willing to fight for what we love keeps us strong. No matter what obstacles we've had, even those of our own making, and those outside of us, we have held fast because one thing we can always agree on is that we don't ever want to lose each other.

Five months, my jiji. My beautiful girl, my love, my soul. My life. I can't say that you healed me because we are healing each other, and learning from each other. We make this journey in love together and there's no other partner that I could ever want.

I love you.

[fundielicious-simblr]

(Valentina's POV)

As the year draws to the close, we're really focusing in on getting everything done in time to usher in the spring. The kids have been diligent in caring for the chores as well as getting their school work done before they get the last 10 days of the year off. They then use those days playing out in the snow, or visiting with their Nana and Papa Townsend.

These two have definitely put me through my paces! Adele and Abigail have definitely made my last experience having infants definitely a worthwhile one. They're so little but everyday we learn new things about them, and one big thing is that they're personalities are night and day. One loves to be held whereas another hates being put down, one loves naptime and another takes ages to go down for a nap. They've been successfully hitting their milestones, and i've been filling the family group chat with little pictures and videos of them. Whilst I'm happy with our decision that these are our last 2 kids

The differences between the girls really shine through at nap time, this is where Eric and I tag team in order to get them both down successfully - especially at night when it's most important for them to sleep through the night (or at least try). Abigail goes down a lot easier than Adele, and it just so happens that Abigail is a mama's girl with Adele being a daddy's girl, so we grab an infant each and get to work.

Having two toddlers in addition to having two infants has definitely shaped up to be quite the learning curve for us. Eric and I have always been a good team, but we've really learnt the value of working together if there's going to be function - especially at bedtime. The girls will soon be toddling all over the place, meaning 4 children in diapers if we don't get to work and potty train them.

Speaking of potty training, I can't wait for the days when diaper blowouts are far in the past. They seem to come at the worst possible time, usually in the middle of the night. The girls love the baths that come with blowouts, the baby giggles are music to my ears, they help me forget the fact that we're both covered in all kinds of mess.

(AN: My infants refuse to pose, so I'm probably going to keep using that toddler body mod whenever I need them for pictures. I have no idea what is causing them to refuse to post, I follow the instructions but nothing materialises.)

Christmas is just the best time. One thing Eric and I agreed we wanted to do was do something advent focused during the days leading up to christmas, growing up we used to sing a christmas hymn every night for the 24 days leading up to christmas during our nightly family devotions. Eric and his family just did christmas focused devotions for the week leading up to Christmas. With our family, I found this company that makes scripture themed advent calendars, so each night we've been sitting down with the kids and opening up the number for the day. There's a little scripture inside and a little christmas themed toy, and all the difference pieces can be assembled to make up the nativity scene on christmas day. So far the Aria and Ansel are the only kids that we let interact with the advent calendar and all the small bits, we keep the toddlers and infants engaged with other larger toys in the meantime and they're in bed soon afterwards to give the older kids time to play undisrupted. We really enjoyed church this christmas, we go to the same church as Eric's parents, so the kids get Christmas with Nana and Papa. We spend new years with Eric's parents, the kids play and we do a mini celebration with them earlier in the night so they can go to bed and leave the adults to chat.

[just---keep---simming]

Zest - Winter 2

Peaches and Johnny Zest open their winter season in Mt Komerabi at the Festival of Youth. Why, you ask? Because it's Hendrix's birthday, of course!

Here's our first glimpse of him as a child, having made a beeline for the science set after blowing out his candles. I think I've mentioned before that both Johnny and Peaches have blonde hair and light green eyes, so it was no surprise that Hendrix shares these genetics. He also grows up to be Cheerful.

Back home, older half-brother Axel is relieved to no longer have a toddler in the house. Hendrix is far more fun to hang out with now, in this teenager's opinion.

For Johnny and Peaches, with their youngest now ready for school, domestic life continues with pleasant normalcy.

Having only had Axel occasionally when he was this age, Peaches delights in being able to spend more time with Hendrix on things like school projects.

Axel, meanwhile, is really just going through the motions at school. He's confident he has good enough grades to get into university and he's captain of the football team. He's not too worried about his last exams.

When Winterfest rolls around, the Zests set up their tree with Peaches' tasteful colour scheme, and swap presents. Axel is thrilled with his new football.

Hendrix gets a very creepy doctor's play set.

While Johnny and Peaches share a kiss under the mistletoe out the front, stealing away for a moment alone.

Everyone except Axel, who is a picky eater, enjoys Peaches' famous turkey dinner.

And the night ends with a special present from Father Winter for Hendrix - a brand new bicycle!

He can't wait until morning to try it out, although by his expression he's not too confident yet!

Shortly after Winterfest, it's time for Axel to start applying to universities. He doesn't know what he wants to study yet, but he does know he wants to go to Foxbury Institute, so that's where he applies. It'll be a little while until he finds out if he's in.

The family celebrates this milestone with a dinner out in Sulani. Peaches, Johnny, Axel and Hendrix are joined by both John, Axel's father and Peaches' ex-husband, and Adrienne, Axel's girlfriend. It's a great night and special in that it's the first time Peaches and John have socialised since their divorce, which wasn't particularly amicable. Seems like the two of them have cooled off enough to have the odd blended family event!

Things can't be completely perfect, though. I have no idea why, but towards the end of the winter, Peaches and Johnny start arguing and sniping at each other.

Which leads to a night on the couch for Johnny.

And an uncomfortable conversation with a concerned Axel, who lived through one parental divorce and doesn't want Hendrix to go through the same.

Luckily, some quality time together, a romantic evening out, and apologies all around seem to put things back to rights.

There, much better!

Right on time for both Peaches and Johnny to celebrate their adult birthdays. They both received a little makeover, but I think we'll mostly see that next season.

A toast from Axel to his stepdad.

And the season ends with Axel heading from the birthday party right to a night out at the Romance festival with Adrienne. Don't worry, they're not getting engaged as teenagers! But they do exchange promise rings, which is rather sweet of them.

And that brings us to the end of the Zest's second winter, with Axel nearly grown up, Hendrix at school, and the family as happy as they've ever been in their home in Del Sol Valley.

[trans-seraphim]

I'm making efforts to hide my typing style, though you'll probably know who this is, which is okay. I am very picky about people knowing about my being trans and I don't forsee that changing, but that is fine. Please don't identify me publicly if you know, feel free to do so privately if you are not certain.

It was more than a year since I sent an ask into your blog sharing my hopes and fears for the future, and thanking you for your blog documenting your own transition. At the time, I was very scared and depressed, as you would expect. Dysphoria is dangerous. It is often a scary force, and it resulted in one of the worst times I have ever had. I am sure you have had times like that before.

After a long and painful wait, I am three months on HRT. There is so much more to be done, so much more waiting I have to do to feel its full effects. But I am at least happy that I am doing something to help myself and my mental state. That is what is important to me. I am not happy about my identity as being trans as some other trans people are, I don't mean it in a "Not like other girls" way, but it is how I feel. And that is okay.

Maybe in the future, that pride will come to me, but it's comforting to know I have made it this far. So thank you.

I hope to check in next year with good news.

I'm actually not sure who you are, but I do remember your previous message!

I definitely know what that feels like. In the depths of my dysphoria, I felt like it would never end. I am so happy for you that you are finally on HRT!! It's such an exciting milestone, and for me it is what I look to as a moment where it felt like my life could truly begin. I am so proud of you for going after what you want and need.

I have heard others say they feel that way about being trans, and I understand it to an extent. It's scary and can be very painful at times, but it's so worth it. You are under no obligation to feel happy about being trans, but I think it is important to keep in mind you should be proud to be you. I know that sounds kitschy, but it's true. You are involved in a process of creating yourself, surely in ways not even connected to your transition, and that's powerful.

Never lose sight of the fact that you can make a change if you need to. To me, that is the lesson being trans imparted and where I draw my pride from. The worst times of my life are the times in which I forgot that.

I do hope you are able to find pride in your identity, but more important than that is to build a life that you find fulfilling. Being trans is a very important piece of the puzzle, but it will never be all that there is to who you are.

I am looking forward to hearing more from you!! Feel free to DM me, send updates more often, or whatever you feel comfortable with. It is an honor that my blog and story have resonated with you. To me, that alone would make everything I've been through worth it.

[runnning-outof-time]

I Did It Myself | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: no - written for @evita-shelby ‘s follower celebration

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: (Y/N) has to take matters into her own hands after she gets taken by Luca Changretta.

Warnings: language, violence (typical to series), weapons, character death

Word Count: 3272

A/N: this was so very fun to write ... I tried my hand at writing a character in the tune of your lovely OC, Eva, although I still think that Eva is still more badass. Congrats on your amazing milestone @evita-shelby !! Enjoy! :)

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! - YOUR COMMENTS & REBLOGS HELP ME WRITE!

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future stories similar to this one!

(Y/N) had had enough. It had been weeks now and the Shelby family was still stuck in Small Heath. The war with the Changretta family was still raging on, and it seemed as if it had no clear end in sight. Even though Tommy had managed to kill three of his men, Luca himself was still alive, which meant danger was still imminent. This also meant that (Y/N) still had to be sequestered in her old Watery Lane home. And she hated it.

Tommy insisted that she only leave the premises to either go to see Linda, Polly, or Ada, who were occupying other houses on Watery Lane. It wasn't safe for her to leave the confines of that street...he reminded her of that daily.

But going from doing so much at Arrow House to doing practically nothing in Small Heath was incredibly hard for her to adapt to. She often looked forward to when it was time to cook meals, which was surprising because she hated cooking. There was nothing else to do, though.

Today, however, (Y/N) had something planned. Instead of sitting inside and watching the world go by through a window, she was going to go out and enjoy herself. What would she do? She didn't quite know yet. But what she did know was she wanted to get as far away from Watery Lane as possible while still being within the Small Heath protection limits. Tommy left early in the morning. He was spending most of his time over at Charlie's yard; planning with his brothers and the other men, or working on perfecting his gin recipe...which was still a little too sweet for (Y/N)'s liking.

She waited until mid-day to go out on her own, after making sure that she looked presentable, of course. This was the first time in weeks that she had a reason to wear something other than a house dress, and she surely was going to make the most of it.

The Lane was quiet; people were either off at work or content inside their house. This benefitted (Y/N), because it meant that she didn't have anyone who would be going to her husband with the intent of telling on her. Everything seemed to be going to plan.

The first place she went was to a café that sat just two streets over. She got herself some tea and some pastries, happy to be eating something other than her own bland cooking. After sitting and enjoying herself there, she continued on down a few more streets until she made it to her favorite consignment store in the city. Dolly's as it was called, was run by an elderly woman who, you guessed it, went by the name Dolly. She was always very friendly and happy to see her repeat customers. She and (Y/N) had developed a sturdy relationship over all of the times that the younger woman had visited the shop.

"(Y/N)!" Dolly cheered as (Y/N) walked through the door.

"How are you, Ms. Dolly?" (Y/N) asked with a wide smile, happy to see some familiar faces after being alone for so long, "it's been a while, hasn't it?"

"It most certainly has," the other woman agreed with her, "I've been getting by. How have you been?" she then flipped the question back onto (Y/N), who had finally reached the counter.

"Oh, I've been fine," (Y/N) answered, letting out a slight sigh. "Things have been a bit hectic since Tommy's been dealing with a...a problem with the company, but we've been alright," she then disclosed, unsure of how much detail to go into.

Dolly's facial expression told her that she already knew more than what was just said to her. "Oh, yes...I've heard," she responded in a voice that clearly showed her shock of the situation, "those Shelby boys'll figure it out though...they always do," she finished her statement with some assuring words, which made (Y/N) smile. It was evident that the whole of Small Heath was still rallying behind the Shelby family, and that alone made (Y/N) feel proud.

"Here's hoping," (Y/N) said, nodding her head slightly before Dolly allowed her to go and peruse the wares that had been on display.

After finding two small jewelry pieces that she liked, (Y/N) made her way back over to the register. "Find anything special?" Dolly asked as the younger woman sat the items down on the counter.

"Just these two little things," (Y/N) responded as she pulled the correct amount of billnotes out of her purse, "I think they'll fit well with several of the dresses I have back at home."

"They're lovely pieces. You have such magnificent taste, (Y/N)," Dolly praised her, her kind words making (Y/N) smile slightly.

"Thank you, Dolly," the younger woman smiled before she pulled two more notes out of her purse and slipped them over to her. "For being a familiar face," she said, sending the older lady a wink.

"Thank you, darling," Dolly smiled widely, "take care now," she said her goodbye as (Y/N) turned and made her way back to the door of the shop.

She made her way back onto the street, deciding that she would walk even further from home and maybe sit on a bench at the park for a while. It was a beautiful day out...she was going to make the most of it.

She'd only gotten about a block down the road when someone called out to her: "it's rather brave of you to be out walking alone considering everything that's going on, Mrs. Shelby." It was a man, and his voice was coming from the passenger's side of the car that had slowed down next to her.

"I'm doing fine, thank you," she responded, barely glancing in their direction as she continued walking. She hoped that her disinterest in having a conversation would make them keep driving...although she couldn't quite shake her suspicions behind their reaching out. He spoke in an unfamiliar accent.

"Let us drive you home. Get you some place safe again," the guy called again as he continued to coast down the road alongside her.

"I said I'm fine," (Y/N) repeated her previous answer, stressing her words a bit more now.

"I don't think you picked up on it...this isn't up for your choice," he continued on, his voice dropping slightly.

"I said I'm ok," (Y/N) continued on with her insisting, stopping so that she could finally look at the man.

"Get in the fucking car," another man's voice came out of nowhere beside her, and the slightest glance in his direction made (Y/N) realize that he was holding a gun.

“Do you know who you’re messing with?” she asked, still standing her ground.

The men were persistent though. “We know exactly who you are, and that’s why you’re coming with us. So get in the fucking car,” the one standing beside her said as he then grabbed her arm and began walking her to the car’s rear door. She should have screamed...she knew she should have, but nothing would come out. So she gave in to their demands and got into the car. She’d have to fool them if she wanted to get herself out of this situation.

Some time later, the car pulled into the back lot of a hotel building. (Y/N) wondered how they were able to make it this far without being detected, but still managed to keep up her act. If things were going to go the way she was hoping, she’d have to make these men think that she was helpless and like putty in their hands.

Soon enough, she was sitting in a chair in an otherwise empty room. There was nothing physically holding her to the chair; the two men who brought her there were standing on either side of her. Her plan was definitely going as she’d hoped it to.

Not after long, the man, who up until this point she’d only heard about, entered the room. Luca Changretta. He was donning a rather nicely tailored three piece suit, and he had a cocky smirk on his face. Surely he felt like he had the upper hand in this whole feud now.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” he asked as he came closer to where (Y/N) was sitting. “(Y/N) Shelby...what a pleasure it is to meet you. I see you haven’t been following your husband’s orders of staying off the streets,” he continued, tutting at her wrong doings.

“My husband isn’t in charge of what I do in my own time,” she snapped back at him, feeling annoyed at the fact that she was expected to do as Tommy said and not bat an eyelash.

“Oh, he’s not...but what you’ve decided to do with your own time is now going to kill him,” Luca stated, his words making (Y/N)’s eyes widen slightly. He only laughed at the reaction he’d caused. “You thought that we took you to kill you? No, sweetheart...we want to end this thing once and for all, and you’re going to be the one that brings him to us.”

(Y/N) felt her stomach drop at his words, and at once, the severity of the situation kicked in. She hadn’t thought of this possibility...that Luca would use her as bait to bring Tommy in, and she kicked herself for that. “You can’t possibly fool him like that,” she tried to defy him, hoping that her true emotions wouldn’t show.

“We’re surely going to try,” Luca was still grinning.

The door to the room opened before anything else could be said. “Mr. Changretta, Mr. Solomons is on the phone for you,” the man announced, making Luca finally look away from (Y/N).

“I’ll be right in for it,” Luca answered the man, who then left the room, before he turned back to (Y/N) and the help he had standing on either side of her. “Watch her, huh? This call shouldn’t take long,” he addressed the men before looking at the woman, “and you, think of what you’ll say to your husband...it’ll be the last time you speak to him.”

With that, Luca left the room. (Y/N) glanced up at the guards before she stared straight ahead at the door of the room. She couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling bubbling up in her stomach. There was a way out of this...she knew that much. But what it was wasn’t so clear to her yet. Yet.

Like Luca had said, it wasn’t long before he returned to the room. The cocky smirk was still apparent on his face as he came to a stop in front of (Y/N). “Our second option still needs some convincing, but we may not need it thanks to this darling right here,” he told his men before looking down at (Y/N), “have you decided what you’ll be saying?” he asked her then, his one eyebrow quirked.

“I have,” she kept her response short, nodding her head as she swallowed thickly.

“Good,” Luca nodded before snapping his fingers at the man on the left, “bring in the phone,” he ordered. The man nodded, leaving the room before hurrying back in with the phone in his hands, its chord trailing behind him. It only took a few seconds before Luca was talking with the receiver up to his ear. “Mr. Shelby...thank you for answering my call. I have someone here that wants to talk to you,” he said, his grin growing as he handed the receiver over to (Y/N). ‘Speak’ he mouthed to her.

“Hi...hi, Tommy,” she said, hating how shaky her voice was. At least it helped play into her charade.

“(Y/N)?” Tommy sounded extremely confused, “(Y/N), why are you with Luca Changretta?”

“His men found me. They brought me to where he’s staying. I’ll tell you where it is in a moment, but you need to come get me,” she said, speaking slowly as a way to try and keep her nerves down.

“I’ll come get you. Yeah, I’ll get you and then I’ll put a bullet in that fucker’s brains for thinking he could lay a hand on me wife,” Tommy responded with anger in his voice. She didn’t need to see him to tell how worked up he was getting. She took a deep breath to keep herself calm.

“Just come get me, ok?”

“I will. What’s the address, (Y/N)?” Tommy almost immediately insisted.

“It’s the one on Drinker Street,” she answered, not being too specific. Before Tommy was able to comment on that, she continued: “don’t forget to put the tea on before you leave...I might want some when I come home.”

Tommy froze after hearing her words. That was their sentence. The code they made up for ‘stay in place and I’ll get myself out of this’ so many years ago. Her tone was serious, so he knew he had to believe her. He had to stay back and hope that she’d be able to get herself out of this. “Ok,” he said as he exhaled a breath, “I’ll put the tea on and then I’ll come get you,” he played along just in case the lines were bugged. He knew that (Y/N) would understand what he was saying though. He wouldn’t be leaving his spot until he heard from her again.

“Ok. I love you, Tommy,” she added to make the situation more believable before the phone line went dead and the conversation ended. “He’s on his way,” she told Luca in a monotone voice, her words making his grin grow.

“Perfect,” he said, snapping his fingers at one of the guards before waving for the man to follow him out of the room. The man obliged, leaving (Y/N) in the room with the other guard.

“You realize you’ve just sent your husband to the slaughter,” the guard spoke up once the door shut, a similar cocky grin on his face.

“I do, and I’d like you to not mention it again,” she snapped, taking a deep breath then to try and control her emotions. She was going to need to be calm and collected if she wanted this plan she’d thought up to go as planned. A long period of silence went by before (Y/N) cleared her throat and spoke up again: “could you please give me my purse at least. My throat’s dry and I need a lozenge,” she made her ask believable by clearing her throat again.

The man let out a huff but pushed himself off of the wall and made his way to the table that stood on the other side of the room. (Y/N) watched him carefully, grinning internally at the fact that her plan was going off without a hitch. Dumb man, she thought to herself as the guard grabbed the purse and brought it to her. “Here you go,” he said, extending it to her.

She accepted it and made it seem as though she was rummaging through it for a few moments. Then, in one swift motion, she grabbed the knife that she always kept in the bag’s bottom. She then stood up and took a few steps towards the man who was still retreating back to his original spot. She wrapped her one arm around him to stop his movements before swinging the other arm around so that she’d be able to plunge the knife into his chest. The man yelped, but (Y/N) quickly silenced him, pushing him against the wall and bringing her hand up to cover his mouth before she began repeatedly plunging the knife into his chest. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, repeating the motion a few more times for good measure before leaving the weapon stuck in his chest for good. The man’s eyes widened and dulled as she then stepped back from him, allowing him to slump lifelessly to the ground.

After taking a deep breath to contain herself, she wiped the splattered blood off of her face and then quietly walked towards the door. Opening it ever so slowly, she then peeked her head out to see that the larger room of the suite was indeed empty. She shook her head and grinned, realizing that her plan had worked out perfectly. There surely wasn’t an inkling in their minds that she could manage to escape. So she quickly managed to make her way down the side fire escape, moving as quietly as possible to get down to the ground from the third floor.

The sun was starting to set at this point, which made it easier for (Y/N) to slip into the alleyways that she knew like the back of her hand. Soon enough, she was making her way back onto Watery Lane.

She knocked on the door of her and Tommy’s home gently and waited for someone to come to it. A good bit of time had passed since she made the call to her husband, so she hoped that he’d returned to the house for the night.

Her hopes were answered moments later when the door swung open to reveal a very worried looking Tommy. “(Y/N),” he breathed, exhaling a sigh of relief as his eyes swept over his wife; who was covered in splattered blood. “You’re back...you’re ok,” he said, then taking her arms into his hands so that he could bring her in closer to him. “Are you ok?” he flipped the second part of his original statement into a question.

“I’m fine,” (Y/N) answered, a dejected look in her eyes. She had had a long day and was more than ready for a warm bath and sleep.

“What about Luca? What about the men? Did you inflict any casualties?” he asked, his eyes still slightly frantic.

“I killed the man that was guarding me. There was no one else left in the hotel room when I left,” she explained to him, internally hating to he was now putting her through a questioning session.

“I’ll have men watching over you now...now that Luca’s realized that his plan didn’t go the way he wanted,” he assured her, but (Y/N) shook her head.

“No, Tommy. I don’t need men. I’m fine by myself, because I did all of that myself. There’s nothing your men can do that I can’t,” she told him, putting her foot down on the situation before she was finally able to begin walking to the stairs in the house. Before she was on the second floor, she stopped, “oh...Alfie Solomons called Luca while I was there. They’re concocting some sort of plan,” she informed him as she twisted back to look at him.

“No,” was all he said in response, a look of disbelief on his face. There was no way that Alfie would go behind his back again...not after what happened to him and his son.

“Yes,” (Y/N) insisted, nodding for an additional effect. “Believe me, or not...I don’t care at the moment. I’m going to go take a bath, see that Charlie is sleeping, and go to bed. I’ve had enough of everything for today,” she said, letting out a long sigh before she turned around again and continued up the steps to go and do just that.

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