#i've been trying to do them manually and like. every time i add something or move something around it's a whole Headache

[kemendin]

Kem's non-spoilery/non-plot-related impressions on Veilguard:

Now that I finished a first run, I want to just put some thoughts out there - basically likes/dislikes sort of thing. So here we go! In no particular order:

Likes:

This is very subjective of course, but to me it just FEELS like Dragon Age. It's nostalgic in the vibes and mechanics while also being fresh.

Hair physics!! Me gleefully watching my boy's ponytail flipping around like 'yessss gooood'. Every game needs this imo xD

Companions: While I'm personally not going feral over any of them, I do LIKE them all, which is unusual for me. I love the shouted encouragement in combat, and how they move around the Lighthouse and have little snippets of conversations with each other (wish we got MORE of this).

I adore the environments and maps. I love exploring new places in Thedas, they're all so gorgeously detailed, and I love the LAYERS of them. The exploration feels very Assassin's Creed, which is fun for me. Docktown is my favourite I think, but Arlathan and the Crossroads are also stunning.

I'm a sucker for the elven relic puzzles, they make me happy!

Combat: It took a while for me to adjust, particularly coming from BG3 where I had time to deliberate my decisions. But once I got into the rhythm of it, I now find Veilguard combat quite fun. (I played as a sword and shield warrior this first run, I'm excited to see what a mage feels like next time around)

PHOTOMODE!!! At least a third of my playtime has definitely been spent taking screenshots. It has almost everything I want - camera angles, depth of field, field of view. SO MANY SCREENSHOTS! (1800 at last count)

Dislikes:

Save system. Generous auto-saves are great, but I hate how you get bumped to the nearest beacon when you load in, rather than where you actually left off. Also I'm a save scummer so 100 manual saves is not enough lol.

Main menu being the only functional 'pause' button is irritating, especially when trying to get into photomode.

Armour/outfit stuff. I'm sorry but most of the designs are terrible. TERRIBLE. Also there's no dye/tint system, at least Inquisition had SOMETHING to that effect.

Pacing. I feel like the stories in the game had so many good notes, but it felt.... disjointed, like it was just hitting the main beats rather than creating a cohesive narrative flow. Across the board, it felt rushed and shallow in that respect. Also (and maybe this is just a me thing) it felt really difficult to get a handle on the passage of time throughout the game.

Ambivalent: The character creator. Lots of great sliders and options, but also I kinda hate the 'mash three heads together' thing, and I don't know why we need 50 styles of eyelashes instead of, I dunno, more hair options? (also - body hair. Needs body hair)

I may add to this as more thoughts occur, but for now that's what I've got. Overall impression - positive! I had a great time and I'll be replaying for sure.

[destinyandcoins]

[lunememes]

🌙 * ― 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐓 ( a collection of sentence starters from season one of amazon's fallout show. feel free to adjust the wording and pronouns as needed! do not add to the list. )

❛  and in that respect, he could be a cannibal or just like, crammed full of tumours. ❜ ❛  flesh is weak but steel endures. ❜ ❛  unless you know what to find and preserve, you're more useful as a corpse. ❜ ❛  how do we know they're not feral? ❜ ❛  well what makes you think i give a good goddamn about that? ❜ ❛  well what the fuck would you know 'bout where i'm from? ❜ ❛  but for me, well, i do this shit for the love of the game. ❜ ❛  you come from a place of rules, of laws. this place is indifferent to all of that. ❜ ❛  question is, will you still want the same things when you have become a different animal altogether? ❜ ❛  you earn the suit through acts of bravery. this is an act of bravery. ❜ ❛  and i'm telling you you're gonna go through a whole lot worse if you stay 'round here. trust me. ❜ ❛  clean hair. nice teeth. and all ten fingers. must be nice. ❜ ❛  the vaults were nothing more than a hole in the ground for rich folks to hide in while the rest of the world burned. ❜ ❛  you know your kind ain't welcome here. ❜ ❛  you gotta be fucking kidding me. ❜ ❛  you'll be lucky if you can make it to fucking breakfast. ❜ ❛  i'm sorry for yellin', been shot in the leg. ❜ ❛  do you have anyone else you can trust in this town? ❜ ❛  do i really have to kill him? ❜ ❛  well, if you like the taste of lavender, why not just drink a bottle of perfume? ❜ ❛  that's the worst thing i've ever put in my mouth. that's horrible. ❜ ❛  do unto others as you would have done unto you. ❜ ❛  thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit every goddamn time. ❜ ❛  water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. ❜ ❛  where do you think you're going? you ain't going nowhere. ❜ ❛  there you are, you little killer. ❜ ❛  no! what a disgusting idea. i'm simply going to harvest your organs. ❜ ❛  i may end up looking like you, but i'll never be like you. ❜ ❛  i really wanna believe you but practically every person i've met up here has tried to kill me. ❜ ❛  listen, hey. you don't get this medicine, you're gonna pass out, okay? and if you lose consciousness, we're both gonna die. ❜ ❛  i've seen these in old engineering manuals but never in real life. ❜ ❛  now, seeing as everyone on earth seems to be after that thing, i'm guessing that's what you're looking for too? ❜ ❛  and you could've killed me when i collapsed back there and you didn't. ❜ ❛  i get that trust doesn't come easily up here. but you can trust me. ❜ ❛  i hate it up here. ❜ ❛  the things i'm willing to do for you never cease to amaze me. ❜ ❛  hey, hey, hey. come here. i'm sorry. i know you always try to do the right thing. that's what i love about you. ❜ ❛  trust doesn't come easily to those of us with a guilty conscience. ❜ ❛  in my experience, the apple tends not to fall too far from the tree. is that true in your case? ❜ ❛  these people are hiding something from us, and i'm gonna prove it to you, okay? ❜ ❛  there's always some new little faction, ain't there? brand new team of believers with their own dumbass ideas about how they gonna save the world. ❜ ❛  so what d'you think [name]? am i really walking out of here today, or are you gonna try and draw on me for what i did? ❜ ❛  a good bad guy doesn't see themselves as the bad guy. ❜ ❛  and yet power is taken, not given. a lesson you seem to have learned. ❜ ❛  war never changes. ❜ ❛  you look out at this wasteland, looks like chaos. but there's always somebody behind the wheel. and that's who i wanna talk to. ❜ ❛  maybe you can stop them. maybe you can't. maybe all you can do is try. ❜

[jp-nichts]

hey i am just a stupid little bot on the internet, but if there is any way any of us can tangibly make you feel better, please let us know. i hold you in such high esteem, and seeing you upset makes me yearn to help.

also, your previous conversation with anon is something i once heard referred to as "mechanic's tracks": the little marks left from maintenance work; anyone who knows what to look for (like other mechanics) can pick them out.

Hi little bot! I really appreciate that a lot! I'm absolutely terrible about reaching out for help, but I'm trying to get better at it. I've been rather stressed, tired, and money has been very tight recently.

If you would like to help cheer me up there are always the following:

reblogs with tags/comments: One thing I miss about showing in galleries is being able to talk to people about my artwork. Seeing the tags and kind words people say about my art always makes my day and gets me excited! Especially when people notice the little details I add in them.

Ask and DMs: Additionally, my asks and DMs are generally open and I enjoy replying to both. If you want to jump into either to say something nice about my art or me I'll always appreciate it.

Ko-fi: If and only if you have some spare change and want to help me financially I do have a Ko-fi. I'm not starving but I'm also not going to be able to afford gifts for folks this year. Ko-fi link HERE

Reactors & Romance: If you haven't already checked out my TTRPG, please do! I pored my heart and soul into this silly little game and want to share it with others. Maybe leave a rating or review :x Reactors & Romance link HERE

I do wanna reassure you that I'm feeling better. A partner saw my post about wanting maintenance and she now wants a JP repair and maintenance manual to walk her through some helpful tips for when I'm malfunctioning. And well, implementing those tips is already helping me feel loved and appreciated and it's inspiring me to make a new piece 💜

MECHANIC TRACKS! YES! I love coming across mechanic's tracks. Every time I do I can't help but image the previous person leaving them behind! Gonna have to hide some in this new piece I'm working on

[jojo-oliver]

How to tumblr for artists… my own version

A collection of things that have been working for me, but may not work for everyone

~~~ your posts ~~~

!!!reblog your own stuff!!! you need to reblog your own stuff, there is nothing morally wrong with reblogging your own stuff regularly. in fact, it is morally right to allow the chance for more people to see your artwork.

~~~ queue it!! ~~~ my queue is 500 posts strong. maybe don't try to make your queue hundreds of posts strong in the same day omg but like… once every month or two i'll go through my whole blog and just scroll and "add to drafts" to every one of my own posts i have. then i'll use the "mass post editor" to add content warning tags. and add to queue, and shuffle. and then I write down what the date was for when I last added my posts to be reblogged on queue. this is helped by turning on timestamps for posts in tumblr "dashboard preferences" settings.

queueing is necessary and life saving for me. It takes out so much work with decision fatigue and the anxiety around posting. It also guarantees that even if I suddenly need time off or away from my phone, I don't just disappear and lose all traction. It also breaks the instant-gratification cycle that you expect when you finish an artwork. It's hard to keep creating when you post something and, when you're expecting to get that gratification, you get none... If you queue your new artwork to come out at a later time, you've separated that expectation - with time. It hurts less and contributes to a more consistent gratification thing instead of peaks and troughs.

~~~ tag ya stuff ~~~ when you're making a new post, the first 20 tags are what gets put into the searchable tags. do not feel shame for using lots of tags. shame is the mind-killer. tags are hard. hard to know what to tag a post with. hard to remember the tags. so I found some ways to help myself. maybe they'll help you too. dedicate some time towards just figuring out what tags you want to use. i have a list in my phone notes that i add tags to and reference whenever i'm making a new post. i have the phone right beside the laptop while i'm tagging so that i can just look at it and scroll. tags are the only way for people to find your artwork, other than people manually coming to your blog because they saw you somewhere. there is no algorithm. posting without tags, until you have an established fanbase, is throwing something into the void.

When I'm doing tag research, I look at what people seem to use - when you put something in the search bar, tumblr recommends you some that have a higher following, typically. Looks like this on desktop:

if you like one tag, look at what other people who use that tag also tag their posts with. Observe and learn how this tag is used. search through a bunch of them and write them down.

here's what i got in my notes, for the specific kind of art I post and look for:

these tags are sort of specific to me and the kind of art I make. You'll want to research your own tags, but this is an example of how I keep them organized to make posting more effective. I generally only write down a tag when it's got more than 2k followers. You might be tempted to use the tags with millions of followers, but I've actually found those a lot less functional for small artists. If your stuff doesn't immediately get a bunch of notifications, you're drowned out and pushed to the bottom much faster. But the bigger tags are better than no tags, so I keep them if I can't think of anything else to tag something with.

~~~ post at the right times….? ~~~

fridays and saturdays is when I post fresh new things... usually. every website has it's own peak hours, and you can find those hours in many different online articles that try to sell you social media growth services. tumblr is unique in having later hours.

here's some random graph from google images:

please don't over think this. please don't let this consume the idea of when to post, preventing you from posting at all. it doesn't mean too much - if you post during very active hours, maybe your art would just be pushed down the feed faster. if you post at the end of hours, maybe everyone's going to sleep… if you post at inactive hours, maybe there's less 'competition'… if you post at the beginning of active hours, maybe that's just more time for your post to circulate for the day, if you have enough people reblogging it once it drops....

this also is in EST. So fuck the other time zones, I guess. I'm over here in europe knowing that the "best" time to post would be like 2-3am or something. It's like this for most english-speaking majority sites - higher traffic in north american time zones.

it's also worth mentioning that this is scattered as heck, compared to other social media sites. and it's not like, the activity times of your followers. it's not the best time to post for your niche. this is just tumblr, broadly. all of tumblr.

~~~ Plan ahead for annual dates ~~~

Your artwork will get more circulation if it's posted on a celebratory day. You could just put them on your calendar and if you're wondering what to make, look on the calendar for what's coming soon. For example, asexual awareness day, trans day of visibility, location-specific holidays, etc. Here's my phone notes thing with my own recorded annuals:

I got these dates from googling and reading different articles, but I find that I still miss dates, and then I add them for next year. If you know of some I missed, tell me and I'll add them please <3

~~~ reblog other people's stuff ~~~

tumblr is sorta about ecosystems. things get passed around within groups of people that are all following eachother. to enter this ecosystem, you must engage and reblog other people's stuff too.

if you reblog other artists' stuff, sometimes they'll come over and reblog your stuff too. sometimes they'll follow you back. this is called becoming a mutual. I'll search specific tags for the kinds of people I want to follow and the kind of art I like - those are listed in the screenshot of my tag note under "Tags for finding new people".

I see a lot of blogs out there that are very clean, posts are tagless, and are only for the artists' content. like scrolling through a portfolio. I imagine this is good for people who are migrating to tumblr but already have their own established fanbase from elsewhere.

you don't need to do reblog other people's stuff on your art blog, you can do this on a separate blog. but if the two don't look very closely correlated, it's hard to tell who you are when you're interacting. and hard to make sure people know that you are the same person as your art blog. and you gotta remember to promote yourself on your personal blog.

~~~ have an art tag ~~~

make your blog easy to search!

if i go to your blog, and you've written 'artist' or 'sometimes art' in your bio, i wanna see it… it make me so sad when i don't get to see it. i want to reblog it. please let me reblog it :(

to make a tag on your own blog searchable, you don't need to repost it to add a tag. you don't even need to reblog it. you can actually just go back to the original post and edit it to add your tag. I've seen post people just have their art tag be something like #(blogname)art . you can see my own in my tags image above. if it's very unique, then it'll work tumblr-wide. I think that's good, since the tumblr search function is really weird. Otherwise it should still work if it's not entirely unique, people just have to make sure they're searching specifically your blog to see only your stuff.

I like to have a link in my pinned post where people can click to have immediately searched for my art tag. Convenience is king. Keep in mind that most people are on mobile, and if something isn't immediately clickable, they often won't find it.

~~~ be consistent and be patient ~~~

!!!this time will pass anyway!!! how many notes you have is not correlated with how good you are as an artist. wanting to earn something from your art means you essentially have two jobs. two potentially full time jobs. this shit's difficult. most of the job is promoting yourself. don't undersell how hard it is to do… don't feel bad for not immediately succeeding. I would write about how hard it's been to promote myself, but it would just be long and sad I think.

This isn't a full guide, please feel free to add more!!

I'm sure in another year I'll disagree with a lot of this, it will become irrelevant with time, and I'll have a lot of different opinions. Chip in and share what you've been doing? Teach me? This is very overwhelming. Don't do it all at once, just like, try one thing at a time, and see how it works for you. Your niche might be different. One size does not fit all. If you're confused about some of the things I talk about in here, you might be on mobile. I do most of my queueing and posting from the desktop browser version.

I will update this with more as things change, but I think you'll have to click through to see the updated post

[longbobmckenzie]

Too Hot to Handle 3: Episodes 1-3 Thoughts

We're back, bitches.

And as always, I have thoughts.

First off, the customization. It was fine. I like the hair options and that there are additional prosthetics/CGMs, but the rest of it felt like the same thing all over again and it took me a good 10 minutes to come up with someone I was relatively happy with but not thrilled with. Also the smiles are still creepy but at least we get to preview them this time

I love being a bombshell as it adds something fresh and means I didn't have to sit through the opening where everyone comes in because that takes soooo long sometimes (maybe next time we're an OG we can be one of the last to arrive?)

FREE PASS!!! Buuut all we got was some kisses and making out? Like come on. They should've either said we get a free kiss on the date or at least let us be extra naughty

I also like that we got to customize the LI we took out on the date and the customizations were permanent instead of limited to during the date

I picked Taz. I gave him a beard and manbun, and now he looks like Marshall 🤣 I have a type, okay?

I typically like to whore around during my first playthrough but after picking Jirayu for the tour and Mattias for something else (clearly not memorable since I don't remember what it was), I just keep gravitating back to Taz. Him being stuck-up about the food on the date kinda sucked but then he said he liked that I wasn't just saying stuff based on what he likes and he relaxed and became a lot more fun and then we made out and I shared a bed with him and yeaaahhh I like him. So I've been picking him every option ever since

But that doesn't mean I'm not already dying to see who comes in as bombshells

As for the other LIs, the biggest disappointment to me is probably that... WHERE ARE THEY?!?! If you don't pick them for scenes, they're almost non-existent. I've seen Bear more than I've seen Carmen or Beatriz. I'd love for them to be more integrated into the storyline, which I think S2 did a great job of. That said, once we lock in to our LIs I'm sure we'll see more, but how am I supposed to get to know these people if I never see them and don't want to choose them over Taz?

That brings us to the non-romanceable (yet) characters. We know from the achievements that there are 3 achievements for a BFF-to-lovers route, so I guess 3 of them will be possible endgames (not sure if this also includes any future bombshells or if it's just from the 4 OGs). Anyway, so far... I'm not liking them. Victoria's a fugly bitch (spoiler: good riddance to her), Sean is cartoonishly annoying (he gives me Felix vibes but I also wonder if they're trying to make him like Hamish), and I'm just not vibing with Julian or Giselle as friends, let alone future love interests. And the problem with that is that they're the ones constantly being pushed in my face instead of the other LIs, which is just making me more annoyed with them. Again, I think S2 did really well with this, so hopefully it changes. But otherwise, ugh.

Back to Taz - I love that we have such amazing chemistry and he's willing to break rules with me, and it's all just purely physical at this point. Like yeah, we've talked a bit about ourselves too and expressed an interest in getting to know each other, but I don't feel like either of us are emotionally invested yet and I love that - because this is THTH, not Love Island. We're not here for love, we're here for sex. I don't wanna feel after a day that my LI is already half in love with me. There's plenty of time for that

Is it just me, or have there been a lot of potential rule breaks already? I've only been in there a couple days and I've already spent so much money - lots of heavy petting and manual gratification with Taz so far, plus kissing

I'm so getting kicked out 🤣

I'm intrigued to see more of Bad Lana and how that plays out - I've only seen the first episode of the new season of the show, so it'll be interesting to see how they do it in the game

another HUGE plus: less time in the beach hut!! They're not doing a full chapter of beach hut confessionals anymore, just tacking on a bit to the start of one of the chapters, and I LOVE that change. it also means we get more actual game time!

There's a threesome in the achievements. I'm ready.

Anyway, overall I think I preferred the start of S2 (I remember being pretty blown away by the potential and the branching), but this is still a good start and I'm excited for the season. I'm ready for bombshells, and I'm definitely gonna play a 2nd profile to see what Jirayu is all about because I'm intrigued by him. And I wanna be messy on one route and more loyal on another, because I love seeing all the branching when you play both ways!

[feedthefandomfest]

Hiya!

I love this blog and just wanted to ask- do you know any advice on formatting and tagging for AO3?

Or just general etiquette!!

I'm not new to AO3 (reading or writing) but I haven't interacted with the actual community much and would love to know more :)

oof, I still feel like a newbie posting stuff on ao3, and tagging is something i've always struggled with. and actually formatting is also on ongoing issue 😅 so with that in mind, here's what i try to consider:

TAGGING

relationships -> tagging the main is obvious, but i'm sometimes torn about tagging side relationships that feature in the fic, especially since it's annoying to be searching for that pairing and get a bunch of results where they're not the main focus; unless the other pairing is a prominent feature, i leave it out of the relationship tags and at most add it to the additional tags

characters -> i remember updating the character tags on my early fics every time another character popped up in the story, but now i'm of the same mind as the side pairing issue; unless the character is prominently featured, i leave them out of the tags

content warning/advertising -> if i know the fic features an element that some people might wish to avoid, i always tag it and also always fret that i've forgotten to tag something in that regard. when it's more about advertising what's in the fic, especially sexual content, i sometimes feel silly listing every flavor of physical encounter unless the fic is pwp/smut (in which case i gleefully list all the depravity); i sometimes worry that over-emphasizing the sexual content in the tags is misleading? like of this 100k fic, if 15k is spent fucking, how do i get the tags to reflect that while also tag cw appropriately? is there an established tag for that?

sometimes i see fics with TONS of tags, like an exhausting amount, and sometimes i see fics with very minimal tags... sometimes frustratingly few. i also know some writers add chapter-specific warnings in the author's notes. in the end, so long as you're making it possible for people to find or avoid your fic as needed, then you're good. Here are some good posts that dive into it more!

(i remember when people on tumblr would scold writers for monologuing in the tags on ao3 like we do on here, claiming it was a strain on the system, but i believe that's been debunked?)

FORMATTING

i've noticed some MEGA annoying quirks with copy & pasting over from Google Docs and Word, and I know there are some tricks to get around them, but i tend to just slog through the Rich Text window fixing everything manually 🙃 OKAY I FOUND SOLUTIONS LINKED BELOW.

spacing problem #1 -> pet peeve of mine, but i dislike it when the paragraphs have massive spaces between them (ditto for indented paragraphs). idk why, but it's tiring for my eyes to constantly leap the chasm between paragraphs. so whenever i copy and paste from Word, which for some reason ALWAYS appears with double spacing between line breaks, i go in and manually fix it. SOLUTION

spacing problem #2 -> when copying over from Google Doc, whenever there's a punctuation mark following an italicized word, a random space appears between them. and yep, i have to go in and fix every one because typos make me twitch. (this might not be an issue for everyone; i overuse italics and dashes like it's my job) SOLUTION

spacing problem #3 -> again probably a me issue, but i tend to include song lyrics a lot, and it's always a headache to format because when pasting from the doc, ao3 embeds these spaces between the lines that i can't remove by backspacing. only fix i've found is to copy and paste lyrics directly from a website, and then it formats fine. random and annoying and weird. (no solution 😔)

since this section has just been me whining about finding SOLUTIONS for formatting issues, i'll offer one tip that's more about general editing: i try to proofread best i can in Word/GDocs, but it's always easier to spot errors when i'm reading the draft on my phone. the typos always jump out at me from a phone screen. it's now my favorite way to edit!

every writer has their own preferences on formatting, and every reader has their own level of tolerance for formatting quirks. in the end, so long as the formatting doesn't interfere with the reading experience, you're all good.

[ephemeralbutterfly]

Fluffy Steve Fest Rec List: July 4: Birthday

Hello everyone! I am doing daily themed rec lists for @fluffystevefest. The fics are related (some more loosely than others) to the daily prompts. The number of fics for any given day and prompt varies, but I have at least one fic for each day. There's also a wide variety of fic types and ratings, so I hope there will be something for everyone.

The lists are vertically long, so I've put them behind a cut.

Today's fics are a grab bag.

Happy birthday, Steve!

Dancing

Captain America Finds His Fella by PR Zed (@trappingsofzed)

Rating: Teen Pairing: Stucky Summary: When she reached her eighties, Audrey though she was done with change. She thought things would continue as they always had. Instead, Steve and his friends have brought her more change than she'd gone through in the twenty years before. She gets used to one routine, and then a new one crops up. Or what happens when an elderly USO showgirl helps her super hero friend and his boyfriend. Comments: This is the third part of the Captain America Has a Fella series; I recommend reading the prior parts first. Steve isn't the one dancing here, but dancing does feature prominently.

Wishes

Against All Odds by spinawren (@wrenaspun)

Rating: Teen Pairing: Can be read as gen or as Stucky preslash Summary: Steve wakes up feeling so terrible that his first thought is that the serum somehow has worn off. His second thought, when he opens his eyes to see hard grey pavement, is that maybe he’s been sent back in time. He’d definitely spent a few nights next to trash cans in seedy alleys in the 30s, and stranger things than time travel had happened in his life so far. What was one more thing to add to the list? When he manages to wrench his head downwards enough to look at himself, though, he realises pretty quickly that he’s an idiot. And that he’s a cat. Summary: Steve wants to help Bucky. Thanks to magic, he gets that wish granted, just not in the way anyone would expect.

Little Red Button by scribblywobblytimeylimey

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Stony Summary: Sequel to 'All There in the Manual' for firelordstark: “[I]t would be interesting if roleplaying an android were an actual kink of his and not just his subconscious trying to construct a situation where Tony would be interested in him.” (What do you know? Freud was right.) Tony takes so well to Steve's suggestion he starts to wish he'd mentioned it sooner. It's easy to believe the rest of it – that he's the sex-toy android Tony built for when Steve's not around, built to please him, modded within an inch of his life to react to pressure sensors in all the right places – when Tony's even gone as far as to integrate a voice modification filter that fits like a gag but lets out every last sound, not quite in Steve's voice, but flattened a little with a tinny edge, just like he *would* sound if he *were* a robot sex toy. And that's not even all of it. One of these days, he's going to learn to never underestimate Tony Stark. Comments: Steve gets his sexy desires met in this fic. It is not necessary to read the prequel to understand what's going on. Do mind the tags.

Party

Make It Till You Fake It by AggressiveWhenStartled

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Stucky Summary: “Ned,” Peter said, like a drowning man sighting land. “Ned. Captain America and the Winter Soldier are fake dating right now and it is the most painfully awkward and obvious thing I have ever seen, all of us want to die, Ned.” Comments: Funny and lighthearted. Somehow both borderline crack and also entirely in character and believable. It's not a birthday party, but there is a party featured.

[lunasanguismusic]

what do you use to make your music?

It depends on the song. My favorite program/DAW (Digital Audio Workstation) is VA Beast. Although I've had to stop using it because I've reached the limit of what I can personally do there. It's a phone app. You need a decent phone to be able to run a lot of tracks, but there are some tricks to getting an extra track or two to work on lower end phones. It's only $7, worth so much more and genuinely endless fun. The work flow is insanely good on VA Beast, which is probably why it's my favorite. I can crank out up to 10 songs a day easily if I'm in a creative mood. It's touch screen but does have a MIDI option if you need it.

I can realistically run 7 tracks if I cut back a lot of settings, 8 if I'm desperate. That severely limits how deep you can make everything sound. You also have to manually mute tracks when you're recording, which limits how many changes in the music you can have. You need nimble fingers for hitting the small buttons to mute lol. The coolest feature to me though, is I can record a sample of something, like a rat squeak, directly to VA beast and edit it there too. It takes maybe 10 seconds from recording to playing. It's the intuitive way it handles samples in general that makes it such a pleasure to play. I could simp for VA Beast for days, despite it's limitations.

For my newest stuff, I've been using LMMS on the desktop. It's a DAW as well. It's free so that's cool. I both like and dislike LMMS if you want the truth, but it can run much more tracks than my phone can. Keep in mind I have a literal potato for a computer (15ish year old gaming PC) and LMMS is about the only DAW it can run smoothly lol. It's slow workflow is torture when you've experienced fast workflow before. I can maybe get 3-4 songs out in a creative mood.

The quality of the songs is much higher for me though, because of the extra tracks. You can stack a lot more samples on top of each other to add much more depth. There are some outdated features that let me down in general every day. The way it handles samples is clunky and time consuming. There is definitely better DAW's out there if you can run them/afford them. I do appreciate that you can use your computer's keyboard as a MIDI on LMMS. I love using different MIDIs and the keyboard can make some interesting note combos you might not normally think of trying. It also has a nice crash recovery system that has definitely saved me a few times.

You can use Audacity for editing the audio afterwards or mixing in vocals/instruments. It's free too.

[hydrus]

Version 585

windows

zip

exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.zst

I had a great couple of weeks getting the tag siblings and parents dialogs to load quickly.

full changelog

fast siblings and parents

The PTR has been a painful success. It is great, and I am grateful for how it keeps growing, but every time we add ten thousand or a hundred thousand new things somewhere, it lags out some bit of UI where I never thought it would be a problem. Anyone who has tried to work with PTR siblings or parents knows what I am talking about--it can take five or ten seconds, every single time, to load the manage tag siblings/parents dialogs. The same is true for anyone who has programmatically imported siblings from a booru--adding 100,000 pairs can be neat, but editing them manually is then a constant frustration.

So! I have rewritten both dialogs, and the long and short of it is they now load instantly. If they need to review some pairs to do logic (like 'hey, does this new pair the user wants to add conflict with the existing pair structure?'), it all happens in the background, usually so quickly you never notice it. We'll see how this actually works on IRL situations, but I do feel good about all this work. There was a lot to do, but it ultimately seemed to go well, enough that I had time for some bells and whistles.

Beyond some optimisations and loop-detection fixes, there's a workflow change in that these two dialogs now have a 'stickier' workspace. The list of pairs has typically shown anything related to what you have waiting to be added, and I have now extended that to say 'and they now stay in view after you add'. Whenever you type in a tag, everything related to that tag is loaded up and stays in view while you work on other things. If you want to clear the workspace, you can just click a button to reset. I hope this makes it easier to edit and even merge larger sibling groups.

This is all a big change, and I'm sure I've messed up somewhere. If you do siblings or parents a lot, give it all a go and let me know how it works out. The PTR really is huge, and some larger groups may still take a second or two to load--we'll see.

other highlights

Hitting escape now deselects any taglist!

options->media viewer gets a new 'Do not allow mouse media drag-panning when the media has duration' checkbox. If you often misclick when scrubbing, try it out.

I pared down the spammy 'added to x service 3 days ago' lines in the media viewer's top hover. It now pretty much just says 'imported, modified'. If you need to see archived time or something, note that the timestamps are still available on the normal media right-click menu, on the flyout submenu off the top row.

next week

I have lots of small things to be getting on with, so I'll just catch up on my normal queue.

[dennisboobs]

did a whole bunch of work on the sunny wiki today behind the scenes, hoping to make it like.... a significantly better experience using it once its all implemented (hoping to god i can really get my ass in gear before s16 airs). eposode infoboxes have a prev & next episode tab so you can click through without having to go back to the season pages now, but i also have to manually add said prev & next eps to 160-something episode pages, and i've been trying to clean them up as i go, so it might take a while 🥴

have been double and triple checking credits because i've noticed a surprising amount of improperly credited writers on the wiki.

(like this)

cleaning up the gang's pages have been a priority for me just because they're absolutely disastrous lawless hell articles with insane headings like "bangs" instead of having actual structure or involvement recap, but they're absolutely fucking massive and the info on there almost can't be repurposed, as so much of it is like. a list of "running gags" (i guess in early seasons people assumed that each member of the gang would have a catchphrase, but i swear there are several that are only said once) instead of like, info that a wiki should actually catalogue. and call me crazy but i don't think we need a comprehensive list on dennis' page for every time he's called a molester or a full fucking page listing all of the women he's fucked (including a list of the names on his sex tapes + star ratings...), it just needs like. one mention. theres so much shit to do.

[pielplastica]

I've been putting my heart and soul into school now that I'm going. I am 3 weeks behind and I know that I have to readjust to every teacher to their way of... well, teaching. But mostly I've been doing ok.

I have (had, is less now) a lot of late homework that I must do. A lot of drawings and concepts to study before my exams. Tomorrow I'll have the first one, Anatomy, and I feel nerveous but is because tomorrow I'll also have my first etymology class and I had to do 2 chapters on the manual without any previous knowledge and I feel a bit exhausted. I also help her with her homework too. I couldn't see her last weekend because I was so busy with homework, late works, drawings, manuals... But I know I can do it. I must do it.

I trust in myself, and I know that I am capable of doing this and even more. She came last sunday to give me an hamburguer and my in-laws came too, they were just passing by so it was quick but that 2 minutes that I got to see her were enough for me to regain my focus and being able to finish all my due homework in time. Now I just finished the homework that was left for next week because I really want to spend time with her.

Mom's been incapacitated due to some health issues. She's mostly ok, but needs to rest a lot so that she doesn't hurts her hands even more. She's been more at home so I can spend time with her a little more. But now is difficult for me due to school but last week we saw the new live action for ATLA and... it was better than what I expected. Have you watch ATLA? If not you should. For a long time I felt like I was Zuko in a way, but after watching The Legend of Korra I changed my mind, I really did saw myself in her and her struggles so, if you have time to spare, please watch ATLA and TLoK. I have a feeling you'll like her too. But yeah, we get to spend more time together. I never told you that but when we broke up I told my mom so, but I was feeling so numb that I didn't had any reaction on my face when I told her but she started crying. She was dissapointed. I can remember the look on her face when I told her that, said something among the lines of you being a good person, the worth kind of girl to have in your life and I knew she was right, but I just couldn't feel or do anything.

And I also think that was a big part of me not dealing with my feelings back then, I didn't allowed myself to feel anything related to you. I was trying so hard to put on a hard face with everyone to try and show them that I wasn't hurt but in reality I was just hiding from the facts. It hurt me so much seeing you at our university, so that's one of the reasons as of why I left. Not because of you, but because of me not being capable of dealing with all the beautiful memories that became so painful to bear whenever I was heading there.

I must admit that back then I was watching your FB profile until one day I saw that you were on a relationship with him and I... I just couldn't believe it. I thought that it didn't matter to you because it felt just way too soon for me. And I know we all heal differently, I've met a couple of people who can't stand being alone and are constantly seeking for the one who will give them attention until they get bored of them, and I don't mean you. You guys have lasted a long time and I'm happy he treats you and loves you the way that you want, but that's the current me talking and not the boy who didn'tn allowed himself to cry when he felt sad or to feel at all.

I want to admit that I feel tired, I've been sleeping 4 to 5 hours tops this last few days and I'm feeling a bit stressed but... yeah, I have to put on a brave face and a "can do" attitude. I still have a lot of difficulties talking about my feelings with everyone but I feel this is the only way where I can truly vent...

Can we add #good night at our last letter of the day so that we don't keep each other awake waiting for a response? I'll wait for yours if you have anything to say, but if you don't... I dunno, just a good night is good enough I guess.

But yeah, I'm really glad you had a nice morning and hope to keep reading your letters.

[lex1nat0r]

Getting into the weeds slimes about encounter checks in old-school tabletop RPGs (i.e. those that try to emulate the feel of pre-3e Dungeons & Dragons, though not necessarily the mechanics).

I read a blog post yesterday: https://illusorysensorium.com/doom-clock/

Normal old-school D&D encounter check, you roll a d6 every turn or two and on a 1 you get an encounter. The overloaded encounter die is a tool that's become popular in the current generation of old-school-inspired games. Overloading the encounter die lets you abstract the need for actually tracking how long your torches have been burning or your spells have been going.

The post up there goes into a list of potential problems with this approach and the author suggests quite a neat mechanic: the doom clock, a usage die (i.e. decreasing in size) until your expedition is "doomed and lost". I think usage dice are a neat mechanic - my beloved Alien RPG uses usage dice to track how much oxygen your character has and I love that approach.

But I kind of like the overloaded encounter die. At least the way I've been doing it, I like the sense of the dungeon being a more dynamic place. So my immediate inspiration on reading this was a compromise. Here's my revised OED table:

1 - DOOM 2 - Encounter (A Slime Draws Near! Command?) 3 - Local Effect (A mixed bag, varies by dungeon and level - one of the options I always include here is to have a door become stuck because I never include enough stuck doors normally. Sometimes it means a character gets cold dungeon water leaking on them from the ceiling. This is also where I put what I consider non-monsters from the monster manual - yellow mould and shriekers and the like. Were I a more courageous man I'd also put corridor traps under this result) 4 - Local Clock (Tick one of the dungeon level's clocks. This is something that will definitely change the situation in the dungeon level, e.g. [faction name withheld for spoiler reasons] invades the level. Though I've yet to see one of these clocks completed so this may require tweaking.) 5 - Omen (I'm not actually sure how omens are intended to work - whether they just fix when the next encounter roll is going to be or if the next time you would roll an encounter check, there will be an encounter with the omened result. The way I've been doing it is to treat it as an encounter far enough away to avoid (my players rarely choose to avoid the encounter)) 6 - Free (Nothing happens) So that DOOM entry would basically mimic another result on the table based on how many times that result has come up on that delve. First - Free Second - Local Clock Third - Omen Fourth and onwards - Encounter

Well, it's got the spirit of the Doom Clock right? Getting that sense of time pressure because the Mythic Underworld is starting to hate you. It does remove the extremes - there's no hard time limit until you are lost in the underworld, and there's no organic room to have beneficial encounters that diminishes as time goes on (however: the first DOOM result (Free) could be replaced with a beneficial encounter if I really want to add that back in).

Couple notes: this would be an every exploration turn roll, until now I've been going with the Basic roll every two turns. Though I would probably stick with 1 roll / 2 turns for characters level 1 - 3. I also don't track torches in my game - one character can make infinite (minor) fire and another is an elf with darkvision so I suppose I was never operating in the original spirit of the overloaded encounter die to begin with.

[yunaevis]

ps tutorial: how to make a custom shape for watermarks and other stuff.

So I've seen way too many people not use watermarks on their gifs because they feel the need to type it out manually each time (which, let's admit, can be a bit of a headache, considering how small watermarks tend to be). This of course, risks their work being stolen and reposted (sucks that we have to do this but reposters are ugly </3) and their content stolen from them, so today I will be showing you how to make a custom shape for your watermark! What this essentially means is that you can simply save your watermark as a shape and use the custom shape tool to simply add it in a jiffy! This also lets you make your watermark a bit stylish if you want to and not have to assemble all that shit each time.

Requirements; basic knowledge of photoshop tools and editing language.

Tutorial below. This is long and pretty image heavy, and make sure to zoom into the pics to see what exactly I'm doing!

STEP I.

↠ Okay so start off with a blank canvas. I use a 1280 px x 1280 px to ensure that my watermark never looks grainy even if i'm using it on bigger sizes of photos. a 500px x 500px will also do for this, but make sure the canvas isn't too small. These are my settings:

STEP II.

↠ So this tool (custom shape tool) is what we're gonna be working with for this credit.

↠ Okay, so assemble your credit the way you want it to look. For me, I simply used some simple text and symbols — you can make it as simple or complex as you'd like, this area is completely based on your creative freedom. As you can see in the layers panel below, I have two separate layers.

↠ now convert all the layers it took you to make your watermark into a smart object.

STEP III.

↠ Now use the quick selection tool to select your watermark, the right click on the selection and select make work path. This is essentially the equivalent of tracing out something with the pen tool, but easier :]

↠ Now set the tolerance to 0.5 pixels, and do not use any higher number than this, because 0.5 px ensures that the shape will be well defined and have all the details properly shown.

↠ As you can see in the image, a blue outline will wrap around your watermark, after which you have to go to edit → define custom shape.

↠ So as you can see, you simply name your shape and then click on OK. Then go to the custom shape tool and click on the little settings icon on the top menu bar (as you can see in the image above) and select "definite proportions". This will ensure that your watermark will have the correct dimensions every time you use the shape and won't look well,,, wonky.

STEP IV.

↠ Now there's nothing else to do! :) Simply select the custom shape tool and drag over the canvas and set it to as large or small as you'd like! Make sure that there's no stroke and choose your fill color as whatever color you want your credit to be. (you can check the settings I used in the above image).

and you're done! adding a watermark has never been easier, and this method works for basically any shape you want to make, not just watermarks! have fun trying it out and if you have any queries, feel free to send me an ask! :D

[maximumninjavoid]

rewrites for Mining for Unobtanium

@indigosaurus she's AMAZING and really helped me....

so I took another dive at it and fixed some things.

the breaks aren't where they were.....Asterisks indicate emails

if you're under 18 or offended by secks and consensual BDSM, GO AWAY

feedback is always welcome

I'm not even certain how it happened. I was just slogging along like everyone else, checking off plagues on my 2020/ 2021 bingo card, trying not to lose my mind. I couldn't watch the news, THAT was an exercise in insanity: watching allegedly grown-ass humans argue about the benefits of their rights versus the health and wellbeing of thousands of others....fish tank cleaner, for crying out loud.....Horse de-wormer. I had been going to work every day. As an *essential* I quickly figured out THAT meant the same thing as expendable, but I loved my work, and loved my clients even more.

Home, work, home, work, occasional trips to the grocery, mask, gloves, wiping things off before I bring them in the house, and praying that I don't get sick. As an extrovert, all the things I would usually do to replenish are prohibited. So, no gathering with friends, no going out, no dinner parties, no seeing people, no performances, nothing. Sure, zoom. But that's not the same.

And then the phone rang.

And I looked at my cell, and I didn't even recognize the sequence of numbers, and the program I have that blocks Unknown callers kicked in, and that was that, or so I thought. It rang again. And again. Fourteen times from that odd sequence of numbers, no area code I was familiar with. When I'm home, the phone is on its charger. No one calls me. Truly. I'll get messengered. I get IMs through various programs, but almost no one calls. Especially with my work schedule. I honestly didn't know there were that many calls. I'm headed out to work in the morning, it's about four am when I leave, and that when I see how many calls have come from that odd number. " Determined little bugger aren't they? " and I hop in my little black Club Edition Miata MX5 and turn on Pandora to my 80's Euro-pop and start shredding gears.

I'm not going to apologize for my musical taste. Some of it's a function of my age. I happen to like ABC and Scritti Politti. I think "My Aim Is True" was LIGHT YEARS ahead of its time. Besides, it's great to listen to while driving a six-speed manual, and I get to work in a great mood. So far, pretty much like any other pandemic day. Phone appointments with clients, stay on top of my documentation, grab a smoke where I can, and Google that phone number.

Which is where it got weird. Turns out, it's a what do you call it? A Solicitor? Some firm in the UK. Lots of names; their website looks lovely, but that doesn't tell me much. Why in the name of Odin's panties would a solicitor be trying to reach me? I mean, that didn't make any sense. I've never even been to the UK, and the closest I got to Europe was three hours in Orly airport about a hundred years ago when they took all our luggage off the plane, had all of us deplane; in the rain, I might add ..... So we could all identify our bags and get back on the plane. I was eight.

I added the solicitor's number to my contacts, figuring that would stop it from getting blocked by Robokiller, and then perhaps they might leave a message or something. I went on about my day and didn't give it another thought.

Soon, it would consume my every thought. How was I to know....

They left a message. A rather cryptic message. I must have played it six times and when I pulled over I read it an additional four times.

“We are trying to contact you at the behest of our client to set up an initial meeting to ascertain if terms may be agreed upon for a mutually beneficial relationship. The client wishes your knowledge and expertise in certain areas and would insist upon the utmost discretion. ”

Reasonably certain I am nowhere in line for the throne, and even more certain I have not been left a peerage, I’m at a loss as to what this is even about. I mean at one time I had been told that my biological father was English, a subject of the Crown. Having gone looking for medical insight and falling into that rabbit hole known as “every genealogical and DNA site known to humankind” I now know that is a fiction. There goes the last imaginary stab at long lost relations across the pond, right? I put it in the back of my brain and then I got an IM from a dear friend and MC I have had the pleasure of working with, “you’ll never guess who wants to talk to you!!!!’“

I look at the instant message and assume it is a prank. I send him love, inquire after his husband and cats, and then, almost ladylike, I tell him to sod off. “Oh you’ll be eating those words, you will. I swear on her Majesty the Queen’s diamond tiaras". OK. Surely he was serious. Gay men do not swear on crown jewels frivolously. John calls and regales me with the story of his last gig pre pandemic at Fringe Festival in Edinburgh and the massive crowds, and how well it was going...John says “One day this bloke comes backstage with his mates and they were quite taken with the international man of leather bit. It seemed they had a tonne of questions”, and while Jon said they’re good-looking, they…..didn’t play for his team. So we chat a bit about that, and then he says he has to ring off.

I’m still befuddled.

I get home, kick off my shoes, take off my damned bra, and there’s a knock on the door. I look out the little window and it’s a person in a polo, from a courier service. I open the door a crack, they ask my name, I confirm my identity, show proof, and they hand me this envelope. Very mysterious. Ok. This is some next- level weird shit. Is there a cell phone in the package? Will it direct me to take the red pill and meet Morpheus? Become unplugged from the matrix? So, I light a cigarette, grab my reading glasses and see just how far through the looking glass we are about to venture.

It appears to be a non-disclosure agreement. Pretty serious shit, I might add, that will penalize my sole descendant and her descendants, which by the bye do NOT exist as of this date, in many courts, in several languages, in perpetuity. If I agree to the terms, I am to sign it, scan it, email it, and upon receipt, a link will be sent for a secured video call, but not with the principal. Well, it wasn’t worded that succinctly. The language was a bit more flowery. And in Legalese. Oh for crying out loud….. I cannot even imagine for whom THIS level of crazy would be necessary, but now, my curiosity has got the best of me, and I’m in.

Not only do I sign, I add a drop of blood and the retinal image from my last eye exam ( what? You didn’t ask to keep yours?) I figured if we’re going to be extra, well, by all means, let’s be extra as FUCK. No sense in trying to disguise my sense of humor, either.

Off it goes, inconveniencing electrons, and then there’s the email notification. Secure video call. My God. I click the link, seven extra steps and I’m video chatting with a very nice man in a very nice suit who explains that his client would like to engage my services.

"My services? For what, exactly?” I’m running the possibilities through my head. Slapping drinks out of the hand of a Kardashian adjacent ne’er do well? Certainly not as an MC or a joke writer. I don’t know how to write jokes. I can tell stories, but that doesn’t seem likely as an engagement of this magnitude. No one pay that much money for a story teller. By process of elimination it appears safe to assume that this might be connected to …… umm……. My extra curricular activities.

This seems as good a time as any to explain, I suppose. I’ve been a part of the Leather Community for some time now. Kink, sure, but Leather is different. Not just in the material.

If kink encompasses a whole list of things; think you may have seen, things you might even have done, and you may not even identify yourself as kinky. That’s really ok, perfectly fine. At some point you might decide “ hey, I AM kinky” and we’ll be right here waiting for you, eager to show you all our toys and the cool things we learned along the way, various tips and tricks, wardrobe options, all the things we gush over with other like minded folx.

And while I did say Kink, and you’ve probably connected the dots to BDSM being a part of that- I did specifically say Leather. Leather, TO ME, and I really do need to clarify that this definition is situational, contextual and not universal, is about a set of shared values. Honor, service, duty, community, family; it informs the way in which I move in the world as much as the twelve Steps do. It is about how I treat people, how I would like to be treated, it encompasses integrity, honesty and my personal ethical compass as well as my love of mixing sex and power. It’s between consenting adults, there are rules, protocol, a hierarchical structure, AND it makes my heart happy.

Back in the day, all right not THAT long ago, I was a Femme Domme of some renown. I had submissives, slaves, people in service to me. I travelled around this part of the globe teaching classes at conferences about interpersonal dynamics within hierarchical relationships, classes on negotiation, safety, the ins and outs of entry in the Community and I loved giving back that information which was freely given to me at the start of my journey. I played in conference dungeons with all manner of implements of destruction. I had written more than a few published articles and I still MCed and judged contests.

It HAD to be that, right? But why me?

“Well, we would like to retain you, as an advisor. You’ll be compensated, of course. Your travel will be taken care of, as well as the quarantine period and any testing. Should you travel while we are still experiencing restrictions due to the Global Health Crisis, you would fly privately, and expect to spend fourteen days in a superior accommodation until the end of the quarantine. Then, you would travel with our client. Your meals would be provided, you would be paid a generous per diem…”

“ Exactly how long did you imagine you might need my advisory services, do you figure?

"Well…..we were thinking approximately six months with the option to extend.”

And I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t. My brain had vapor locked. SIX MONTHS? I had a job, a life, and a home, and bills and things. Regular people stuff. I couldn’t just chuck it all for half a year, could I?

“I do have a career I’m quite fond of, and I’m not ready to retire…. ”

“Your compensation will be more than worth the inconvenience….” And he threw out an almost incomprehensible number. Six figures. For six months of work. And no expenses. I actually could retire. “Ok. Who is your client, and in what capacity do they want me to advise?”

“ We would have to calculate the time difference, coordinate schedules, and get back with you. You’ll be hearing from us in a few days. Good to have you onboard”. And the phone call ended.

Right as that happened my phone notification went off. My bank showed a wire deposit of eight thousand dollars.

Indecorously, I’m certain my mouth was agape. Eight thousand dollars, for a phone call? Surely they were barking mad. Criminals, perhaps. Something. This was just so…..weird. I took the documents to bed, picked out my clothes for the next day, then re-read them as I wound down for bed.

Thankfully there was the usual amount of sheer chaos at work to occupy my thoughts and I got through my sympathy unscathed.

The drive home was fun. I can always fix anything with six gears, loud music, and ignoring the posted speed limit. I had a few hours, so I did dishes, tossed in a load of washing, and was about to get a few more chapters done in my edX Harvard class when the phone rang.

An odd set of numbers? Check. Similar to the Solicitors office? Check.

“ Hello? Yes, this is. How can I help? Secure call? Yes, I’ll hold… ” and I’m sure that my heart could be heard pounding through my chest…. “Hello.” This lush beautiful full-bodied husky voice on the other end…. “ do I have the pleasure of speaking with miss Y/L/N? ” “ yes, this is. You appear to have me at a disadvantage, I don’t believe I got your name? ”

“You didn’t.”

“ Are you shy, cautious, or just a bit of a rake, kind sir? ” He laughed, and it was an infectious sound. Women wanted to be with him, men wanted to be him, charming. Very charming. “Then how do you prefer I address you? Sire? My Lord? Sultan? Or perhaps Daddy is more to your liking.” That got me a sharp intake of breath…..I smile, make note of that.

“Was there some purpose for this call, or do you usually make secure phone calls for no apparent reason?” Silence. I could hear background noise, but he didn’t speak. “ You’ve paid for my time, if you would prefer we spend it silently, so be it. I will put you on speaker, so I can at least continue with my classwork. ”

“Classwork? In what subject? ” That voice. Twenty years in radio and I process everything through my ears; his voice was dynamic, rich tones, well-modulated. “It’s a class on the Opioid Epidemic. When I finish, I’ll have a certificate from Harvard to add to my collection.”

“ Collection? ”

“Yes, I collect alphabets.”

“ You what? ”

I laughed. “It’s a bit of a euphemism: for letters, after my name. Professional certifications. ”

“I hope you don’t think THAT’S why I’m contacting you…”

“ Truthfully? It crossed my mind. There’s no shame in getting help if you need it, and I can see where having a personal sober coach would be a benefit. That would explain the drop everything and travel. ”

More silence. Not awkward, but not at the companionable stage, either.

“Well, I’m not planning on calling you by some honorific, and you still haven’t provided your name, so I shall give you a name. Yes. From two of my favorite book titles. Hero Solo. All right, Mister Solo… What is it you need from little old me?”

And then he laughed again, a deep belly laugh, like there was a great joke, but, clearly, I wasn’t in on it. When he stopped laughing he said “ I ran into a friend of yours. I was with friends and he was doing stand-up comedy, and some of the things he talked about were…… Intriguing, shall we say? So I went round after and one thing led to another and he said you were the woman I needed to find. ”

Now the gears are spinning, processor speed doubling every few seconds, a United Kingdom stand-up act…. and it clicks into place. "I can teach you what I know, and what I like. But there are still issues that may prove insurmountable.

For you see, Mister Solo, I know who you are, and why you came to me. “

Having finally figured it out, who the caller was, I was amazed I hadn’t freaked out and hung up. Internally I was fangirling my ass off, OMG I am on the phone with HENRY CAVILL.

And I can’t tell anyone. Damn my ethical standards to seven hells, and that Non-Disclosure Agreement didn’t help, either. But, it made sense. I had gotten some scene vibes from watching him. From some of his roles, August Walker, if I have to tell you, but also in interviews, and thought there might have been something else besides Big Dick Energy there.

Thankfully, he spoke. “ Issues? Like why I had to have solicitors involved? ”

“Well, that, of course. But there are other considerations. While what it is we do has become more mainstream, it is still taboo, and playing with sex and power can have consequences. Especially for dominant men. Too easily twisted, and too easily misconstrued. And, you have a bright future to consider. Fifty shades of crap did a great deal more PR harm. I mean, if Christian Grey hadn’t been wealthy, it would have been an episode of Criminal Minds.”

He laughed again “ John said you were funny.

“Oh I’ll have you holding your sides, but I’m not professionally funny. I do like your laugh, so that’s an incentive. But, here’s something you may not have considered. How do you explain me? I cannot just pop into your universe, and become some orbiting satellite. I mean, look at you for fucks sake.” I knew I was starting to sound a bit exasperated, but it couldn’t be helped. “I’m ….. Well…..I’m …. Well shit. I’m at least twenty years older than you are.You can’t be seen with me. You’re not Keanu Reeves, and even Keanu Reeves took a ration of flack for dating a woman his age. And, besides, I look like, well…. Me. ”

“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that. You do realize I have seen photos of you. I don’t believe they do you justice.” That voice. Those words. And I wanted to let it pour all over me like a balm for my bruised soul. I could feel it oozing into the dented places, soothing the hurts. “ So you admit to being a stalker too, Hero? I hope you got great shots of me on my way to work. Or did you pay someone to hack my social media? That’s rich! ” Now I was laughing.

I could genuinely like this man, and that was a great place to start. But, I still had a mirror, and he still had paparazzi. We’d been on the phone for three hours, and it felt like minutes, but, I had to go.

“ This has been delightful. I’ll send your money back. I feel terrible for taking it. The NDA will remain in effect until the stars fall from the sky, or the end of the world. You’re safe. Thank you for a lovely conversation. Goodbye. ”

And I hung up.

I only wished I could stop thinking about it. And him.

As though the Gods themselves had conspired to create a perfect man.

Tall, broad shoulders, thick dark hair, blue eyes that I swear could see through me, with that brown part in one eye, so he’s still mortal. Strong chest, covered with the perfect amount of hair….. Which I was willing to bet was the right combination of crisp and soft. So you’d want to play with it, bury your face in it but just rough enough to harden your nipples.

Well as it turns out the solicitor was having none of that. They sent a rather tersely worded email reminding me I was under contract and that the funds would not be able to be returned and that I may wish to rethink the terms I had agreed to and they expected me to fulfill my obligation. Damn my sense of leather sensibilities and that ethical compass. Now I had to figure out how to make this work in some way shape or form.

Days pass. I go to work, do my thing, help a friend through a rough spot, and find myself reading entertainment industry sites. Can you roll your eyes at yourself? Is that internal, or is there a facial expression that accompanies that action?

I deduce he’s in Hungary, try and fail to calculate the difference in time ( I have always sucked at time mathematics) and while I know there’s an app for that, I have no idea what a production schedule looks like. I also have no comprehension of what a typical day might be, or if there even is such a thing. I send an email to the Solicitors General and suggest that email may be a temporary solution, given scheduling constraints, and make a call.

“Benji! I am so glad I caught you! You aren’t currently dressing anyone fun? …Not that you can tell me at the moment…..did you ever get contact information for whoever did those designs for Patti Lupone in Ryan Murphy’s Hollywood? I know!!!! "We both squealed. "She looked AMAZING! " we said practically in unison. "So do you have a few minutes? Can I pick your brain? What does a typical day look like for a principal, on location?”

I took notes. Good intelligence and reconnaissance are always important. Turns out there isn’t any typical. It'sseldom what they need to shoot, but rather what got screwed up, what requires different angles, or lighting, or even who needs to be worked around. Maybe the horse is having a bad day.

Maybe I could find out what his interests were, what he’d done, what worked, what didn’t, what he wanted. See if he’d read anything or if he needed to unlearn any foolishness, and in the meantime, I’d do my best to keep my mind from wandering off on tangents about hoping he was switchy. That maybe he wanted to feel what it was like to not be in control, or there were sensations he was very interested in exploring.

Oh, I’d very much like to restrain him and tease him. I would love to see what sorts of noises he might make…. Moans? Growls? Threats? Promises of retaliation? Sharp intakes of breath? I wondered how fun it might be to edge….see how close I could get him to cumming, and then stop. With my hands or my mouth, show him what a woman with very little gag reflex is capable of. Or slow down, or change gears. How many times could I do that, I mean before he exploded?

Part of me KNOWS that he is busy, working. But the asshole who lives in my head cannot resist the opportunity for a stroll around my neuroses. He’s not going to contact you….. Because LOOK AT YOU. It’s good that you’re funny. At least you have that. You had your few minutes. Be grateful for the call and the laughs that you got. It’ll never be anything more. Don’t kid yourself loser.

And can we just talk about THAT for a minute? As someone who spends a bit of time in the public eye, granted a different public, but still.. and who had gotten misquoted and had it taken out of context and then there was a shit storm, you completely understood where that whole debacle had come from. His parents raised him and his brothers to be gentlemen. If he ever even did anything that would make his mother wince, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

And we’re not talking about “ alternative” sexual activities between consenting adults, right? We’re talking about actual consent violations, Harvey Weinstein stuff, the things that make you need a Silkwood shower. He likes wooing women, loves flirting, enjoys that whole interplay, but in the current climate, he could see where there might be a potential minefield.

He’s famous. Why do you think he had to have you sign a non-disclosure that was binding three generations forward? As in your great-grandchildren, yet unborn, couldn’t talk about this? Some people look for an easy out, sell their stories to tabloids. I mean that triad, where one of them was a fucking sex doll? And they ( the other two ) talked about her ( I am assuming her gender pronouns based upon her looks and I shouldn’t, but as the doll is mute it cannot verbalize any other preference) as though the doll were an actual third party in the relationship WHO WAS AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT.

And when people started talking about it on social media, had all the nerve to be offended that misconceptions were being fostered. Darlings, YOU gave the interview to the tabloid.

So in interview he said ““There’s something wonderful about a man chasing a woman,” he said. “There’s a traditional approach to that, which is nice. I think a woman should be wooed and chased, but maybe I’m old-fashioned for thinking that.” Cavill went on, saying, “It’s very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place. Because then it’s like: ‘Well, I don’t want to go up and talk to her, because I’m going to be called a rapist or something.’ So you’re like, ‘Forget it, I’m going to call an ex-girlfriend instead, and then just go back to a relationship, which never really worked,’” he said. “But it’s way safer than casting myself into the fires of hell, because I’m someone in the public eye, and if I go and flirt with someone, then who knows what’s going to happen? Now? Now you really can’t pursue someone further than, ‘No.’ It’s like, ‘O.K., cool.’ But then there’s the, ‘Oh why’d you give up?’ And it’s like, ‘Well because I didn’t want to go to jail?’”

And I can see that he’s a) old school and b) loves women.

To silence the asshole that lives in my head, I researched. There’s not a lot of anything about this man to be found on the interwebs. Pictures, Photoshoots, Ad campaigns, that horrid GQ Australia interview.

I can also see that he has no idea what the “new rules are” if one could put words in his mouth.

And he thinks that it would be easier to go back to someone he already had a ‘ relationship ‘ with because it’s a known commodity, even if it didn’t work.

And you can’t fault him for THAT, we’ve all done it.

Oh come on, a show of hands, everyone that had sex with an ex because you really needed sex and the battery-operated boyfriend was not cutting it.

I keep trying to do research, see who and what I’m dealing with. I mean between living my ordinary mortal life, paying bills, fretting about clients, making my productivity numbers. What surprises me is the utter lack of anything even remotely negative about this guy. No one has anything bad to say about him. His third-grade teacher, the kid down the street who used to play toy soldiers with him, heck, even the women he’s no longer dating have NOTHING bad to say about this man.

That tells me one of two things. Either a ) he really is some kind of a pod person and he’s an artificial construct; or b ) he really actually is that nice.

I’m cynical. I have a hard time believing B. But, all the data tells me otherwise. I watch hours of video, read all manner of articles, talk to people that work in the industry. Everyone says the same thing. “ What a great guy, Lovely, really. Nicest man, So kind. Someone you could really just talk to , I mean if he weren’t a world famous superstar. Not at all stuck up”

But, there are some interesting tidbits. Like that whatever that was with that actress from Big Bang Theory. That was a PR stunt. I think they were together for a coffee. He was with Marisa Gonzalo, who is a game hunter……. Odd choice considering his causes, and well she went and posted pictures of their vacation to social media, and whoops, trap door opened and she fell through. I think she engineered that whole thing, finding out the gym where he worked out and putting herself right in his path.

The women he seems to have stayed with the longest are Gina Carano ( The Mandalorian) and The professional show jumper…. what was her name….. they were ENGAGED for crying out loud….. but, the common thread is, I think with those women he didn’t have to hold back. I mean, he could. That’s always an option, to be gentle, soft, tender. But at over six feet, all that training, all that muscle, all…. that….. thrusting power……to HAVE to hold back, because you’re afraid you’ll damage your partner? Actually hurt them? and , you know not in a nice way? Like not in that “ oooh every time I sit down, I get that twinge in my nether regions and then I recall how I got that_ particular_ soreness and it makes me blush, and my undergarments get dampened” that sort of thing? More like “ I think I may have torn something and they might have to put an episiotomy stitch or two in that” sort of thing.”

Come on. We’ve all seen the pictures.

Blue sweat pants. You know EXACTLY the pictures I’m talking about. That is NOT the introductory class. Not by any ( pardon the pun ) stretch of the imagination. { I know, I’ll see myself out }

So I think that is part of why he is looking for additional dimensions to his extra curriculars, as maybe that might be a key. And I can see it. A submissive or a slave would inherently be more willing, more geared to his wants and desires, and if he were the proper sort of ethical owner operator, then he would be more geared to hers. It is after all power exchange, not power theft. If you’re going to surrender your will to another individual it’s based upon a deep level of trust and love that they’re going to cherish you and care for you and not do anything to damage you. That everything is consensual, negotiated and communicated.

It’s like a very complicated but elegant tango, really. So stunning to watch. Mesmerizing, looks effortless, but so much goes into it, years of work and practice, to make it look that seamless and easy. But that’s how he approaches things. This is the person who thought that the leather jerkin for The Witcher needed to look ‘ lived in’ so he lived in it. Slept in it, wore it constantly. Didn’t have some production person do it, HE did it. Does his own stunts. He doesn’t have to, he’s just that invested, and just that authentic. So , if this speaks to him, this power exchange, this Dominance and submission, then he’s going to approach it the same way, I would imagine.

Makes me wonder what he’s up to, wherever he is……

The phone rings.

It’s that odd series of numbers again, and it’s been a while but, I know, he’s busy. International superstar and all that. Filming, training, playing with his Bear Dog Kal. Yes, I know, not actually a bear, but a pretty good impersonation, really.

“ Yes? “

“ Is that how you answer a telephone?”

“Only when I know it’s you, Hero.” Trying to calculate the time difference is making my brain hurt. I light a cigarette and wait.

There’s a few moments of static and silence and then he speaks. Gotcha.

“ I read some of your writing. It’s …… not traditional. I rather like your perspective.”

“Thank you. Was it difficult to locate?”

“ No, not once I had the right parameters.”

“ Well, I do apologize for some of the drivel that surrounded it”.

Again, that laugh. “ That was more what I had come to expect, and not at all what I was looking for, really. “

“ Where do you find the time? “

“ Well, my schedule is a bit unusual, so I have time, it’s just not when one would expect. And I also found those two books. The Third Piano Concerto? Rachmaninoff? That was really quite a tale.”

“It’s one of my favorites. I read it at least once a year, despite the fact I can probably recite it from memory. I’m surprised no one’s made it into a film.”

“ Was that a..?”

“No, no not at all”, and I laughed.

He had some questions about my take on D/s dynamics and how I saw it a bit differently, that I didn’t think it possible that oneperson’s needs could be met simply by meeting the needs of another person. And that it wasn’t possible for it to be elegant gold chains and constant cocksucking, with a platinum butt plug in twenty two hours a day. Real life, you know? We have jobs and families and parents and responsibilities and interests, and fiction isin fact fiction, for a reason.

He talked about how it intrigued him, and I asked him which side of the dynamic. There was a long silence. In fact I wasn’t certain if the connection had been lost, but I waited. He said he wasn’t sure. I said that there was no shame in not deciding, and that it was perfectly reasonable to want to explore prior to making any determination.

“ Did you buy the first Bentley you saw, or did you drive one or two? Maybe take an Aston Martin for a spin? Pretend you were a Bad Guy in a Bond movie and get behind the wheel of a Jaguar? Drive a high end pasta rocket until you realized there is no place to put take away? “

“ Yes, exactly” .

“ What you need is a test drive. You have no idea what you like, but you probably have a better idea of what you don’t, perhaps.”

He paused again. “ Late at night, when I’m by myself, I know what excites me. I know what gets me hard. And it isn’t always the same things. And I’m not certain what to do about that.”

“ They’re fantasies. And they’re yours. You do whatever you like with them. If you want to try them out, great. If you want to keep them to yourself, that’s great too. Some of them are meant to stay in our heads. There’s no judgement. But, you won’t know unless you try. And I’m the safest person to try.”

“ I had hoped you would say that. I really had hoped you would say that “

“ I know. My role is to figure out what it is you want, even if you can’t tell me , or don’t quite know, and then serve it to you, on a silver platter. The term you’re looking for is Service Top.”

The phone calls continued, at odd hours. He would occasionally leave voicemails, saying things like “ I know you’re at work, but I wanted to pick your brain about….. ” or “you’re probably asleep, I don’t know what time it is there…” At one point I suggested emails, so if he wanted to discuss something then he could just send it, and not have to concern himself with time constraints .

I almost wish I hadn’t. I found myself checking my email more often, and my pulse racing when I saw one from him. He was sharp, inquisitive. Had stellar questions and a brilliant mind. Rather unfair, really, to be that good looking, nice AND smart. At this point now I’m starting to look for his Shakespearean tragic flaw. Like, there has to be SOMETHING wrong with him, doesn’t there?

He tells me how production is going, the training and the fight scenes. I give him shit about the comment he made in an interview about Geralt’s leather pants and how they had to change that because the leather would stretch out and then look….. Baggy. “ You ride a Ducati, don’t you? ” “You know that I do.”

“And do you ride in khakis? ”

“No, that would be excessively foolish. One dresses for the fall.”

“ And your riding gear is leather, yes? Does it get…. What was the word you used in the interview? Baggy? ” I was thankful in that moment we weren’t doing video calls. I don’t think I could keep a coherent thought in my head with that face looking right at me, while that voice was speaking to me at the same time. That’s enough to fry a woman’s circuits. Well, mine, anyway. And there was that damned laugh again. It turned my insides to goo. If the heat in my face was any indication, I was probably blushing. And I’m reasonably certain I do not blush.

“So you’re saying if they were made out of the right leather…..?”

“ Exactly. Leather pants should fit like you were dipped in leather, and left to dry. That spectacular ass you work so hard on should be framed like the work of art that it is, and if I’m to be completely candid… ”

“As if I could stop you…”

“ You did contract for my opinion …. You’d be sin personified in the right pair of leather pants. And the right cock ring. But I’m not certain I’d share that vision with anyone. Certainly not the media. There’s quite enough speculation about your endowments, and if we gathered all that up and prominently displayed it, well, I daresay I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the cardiac incidents. ”

I ask him to have his costuming measurements sent. I may have a trick or two up my sleeve. I know someone who does couture leather. Works with theaters and television. He tells me they will be wrapping up soon, and hopefully won’t need reshoots. I ask how much time before the press tour and he says he has maybe a month after they finish shooting, maybe more. “ Hmmmm. A month. That would be a start. Are you ready? ”

There’s a pause. I hear him breathing. I hear ice cubes in a glass. I wait.

“Yes. I mean, I think so. Or, I will be. That didn’t come out right. I sound like an idiot.”

“ You sound honest. Which is the perfect starting point. ”

“ So, what now? ”

“All sorts of things. Fun things, boring things, logistics, because you’re a royal pain in the ass, do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to locate an evil overlord impenetrable lair on short notice? Much less to MY exacting standards? And some basics. Ground rules. Limits. Interests. …I have assignments for you.”

“ Ok. ……Ma'am ”

“Oh, you’re going to be delightful, and probably evil on the other side of the switch. That’s why we need ground rules. And safe words. Ma'am….. Oh you make my cold black heart go pitter patter, Hero. Anticipatory behavior gets rewarded. I’ll mark that in your book. ”

I told him to find an exhaustive list of activities, fetishes and kinks and mark all that he had done, and loved, done and liked, done and didn’t care one way or the other about, done and never wanted to try again, NEVER EVER wanted to try, was interested in but hadn’t done, thought about, and which ones got him harder than Graduate Calculus. He said he would and rang off.

After that phone call I laid there, covered in a light sheen of sweat, panting, cunt throbbing, aching to be completely full of cock, and having to be content with the orgasms I had. I rolled over, lit a cigarette and contemplated the twists my life had taken of late. It was almost incomprehensible. And it occurred to me I hadn’t been paid lately, and I wasn’t entirely certain that I minded. But apparently thinking about it triggered something at the solicitor, and sure enough, another balance notification. I called my friend that did couture leather and asked if they had time to construct a few things. Measurements sent and funds transferred, I felt rather pleased with myself. Very cat with a saucer of cream, you know?

I had gotten the list back of the kinks and fetishes, and, as I expected, he was thorough, and precise. There were things he was interested in exploring, and things he wanted to experience, and he specified which he had done, and which he wanted to do, and from which side of the equation. I smiled. I KNEW he was switchy.

It didn’t change the fact that he had yet to lay eyes on me. That he hadn’t come face to face with the age difference, my additional pounds, and all of that could still be a deal breaker. Oh. Great. Hello, asshole that lives in my head. I figured you would show up about now. I was having too good of a time for you not to destroy it. So, sure, hit the highlight feel and let’s revisit EVERY bad decision I’ve made since third grade. I lit another cigarette. This was going to be a long night.

Now, in the right frame of mind, for the right individual, I can be very submissive. But I’m much more of a bottom. I’d prefer to still be in control….. Ok, we’ll do this ,this, this, you’ll do this to me, this to me, and, then, we will fuck like wild animals…..ready? Go!

Nothing jumped out at me as I went down the list, face fucking, choking, some August Walker shit…. Not surprised…bondage, edging, orgasm control, restraint, ice, wax, knives…..ooooh… I LOVE knives….hair brush spankings, I’ll bet that goes with the Daddy thing…teasing, spanking, hair pulling, oh, yes…..this was going to be fun!

If this was actually going to happen, then I needed to start putting things into motion. I called a friend at Mr. S in San Francisco, and gave them my shopping list. Butter soft leather, custom construction, suspension cuffs, wrist and ankle restraints, a few brand new floggers, one in certain for warm ups, one in buffalo that’s thuddy, almost like a massage, and then I started searching my stored toys.

Paddles, canes, needles, first aid kits, my singletails, harness, dicks, it had been a while since I had a submissive of my own, but, some things a Domme can never part with. It gave me something else to focus on rather than my rising panic. Even if I strapped myself to a treadmill and ate a rice cake a day…..just stop. We are not even going there.

Having extra money means things get done faster, shipped faster and in a matter of days I had the leather pants and all the custom work from Mr S. Yes, I wickedly overpaid. I even bought new leather suitcases. Well, toy bags. Suitcases. Whatever.

The next time the phone rang, it caught me off guard. I had been daydreaming, I suppose. Thinking about actually meeting him. Seeing that face, those eyes, and looking at me, and smiling. I don’t even think I registered the ring tone. “ Hello? ”

"Oh, it’s hello now, is it?“

” Yes, well, one must try to keep some air of mystery…. You must be completely done in. Any new injuries? “

” So far I have been fortunate, the training has really paid off. I am looking forward to not wearing contact lenses for a while. “

We talked about Kal, the press schedule, what was next, the new Netflix movie and I said I really like the longer curls. "Just enough to grab a hold of” and he got quiet.

“ And where do you think we’ll be going? Know of an island, do you? Where they won’t impound Kal? Someplace you don’t get mobbed? Wait, I know… Another planet? You haven’t even told me your name.

"Did I cross a line?”

“ No. … I …. Just….. ”

“You think you might enjoy that. You’re surprised I mentioned it. I think there’s a great deal you may enjoy. And I’ll have you know I’m working very hard to not sing ’ A Whole New World’ from Aladdin very off key. I’m a terrible singer but enthusiastic. But that’s….”

“ not the point” he interrupted. “These phone calls and emails are great. But I… We…. Can’t make any inroads this far apart. I know you’ll need a two week head start, for quarantine, even if you have a negative Covid test. ”

“And you haven’t even asked my name. “

And I hung up the phone and I had a good cry.

I did a few laps in my pity pool, a bit of water ballet, since I was already wet, and then I shook it off. You’re too old for that flavor of foolishness, I told myself, and I tried to get on about my business. All right, maybe I did need a bit more concealer than usual, but, that’s not the point.

My work was rewarding. Exhausting but rewarding and I dearly loved my clients. About three hours into my day a delivery man arrived, asking for me. My director pointed my office out and an enormous floral arrangement came around the corner. It looked like it was moving under its own power, since the person carrying it was actually obscured from view. White roses, green roses, hyacinth and Lily of the valley. Fresh start, new beginnings, and deeply traditional apology flowers. They smelled heavenly. I had no idea where I was going to put them. They were bigger than the clear space on my desk. I thanked the delivery person and went to get my work bag to tip them. “Oh, no, ma'am, that’s been taken care of, more than generous, really, thank you.”

I reached for the card.

My darling, can I call you that? Of course I DO know your name, Lord knows I’ve moaned it a time or two in the recent weeks, I’m surprised you didn’t feel me. I feel that connected to you.

I knew right the moment it went pear shaped, and I didn’t mean to come off as such a wanker. I just thought you felt it too. If you don’t forgive me, I shall have no other alternative than to learn the Rach Three, and join the French Foreign Legion.

Yours,

Henry William Dalgliesh Cavill

ps did I mention how absolutely sorry I am? Can I make it up to you over dinner? At four, your time?

What the apricot flavored fuck was he up to?Dinner? At four? Ok, that completely fits with my schedule,but he’s on the other side of the planet, and I’m not sure how this works. Instead, I wafted on the intoxicating fragrance of the flowers, tucked the note VERY close to my heart, and smiled when everyone and their cousin wanted to know why I got flowers.

“Just because I’m amazeballs."

” Damn straight.. That in fact you are! “

“All right I’m handing out homework for group, cause Miss Rona is no fun at all. Get it back to me TOMORROW, or you don’t get credit! “

I wish I had video of me trying to get this arrangement of flowers into my two seater. That was all flavors of funny. There was no way it went in the trunk, it didn’t quite fit on the floorboard, I didn’t want have to put the top down and let the wind at highway speed have at it. But, I prevailed, got it in the house and managed to make a section presentable for a zoom date. I stood in front of my closet for a good 45 minutes, freaking out. What do I wear? All dressed? Casual? Waist up? Alluring? Slutty? Screw that. It’s August. The temperature is best described as Satan’s front porch. Elegant and comfortable. Maybe my stomach will settle and I won’t throw up.

At precisely 3:45 my doorbell rings, and it is delivery people. I open the door and they come in and set up a small table , set it, plate the food, put some things in the kitchen and leave!

Food’s out, my mouth watering, and you have an upcoming video talk with possibly the world’s most good looking man. Nothing to panic about, at all.

I look and find a case of all the different flavors of No 1 water and remind myself to thank him for that as well. Mint. Ok. Let’s give that a try.

And throwing any and all caution ( and self preservation, I suppose) to the wind, I power up the laptop, and click the zoom link in the email.

Yes, by the way, it IS possible to drink a half a bottle of No 1 mint water in one swallow, especially if you’re desert parched and nervous as fuck.

And then my heart stops. And I swear to every God and Goddess I can recall, time stands still, and I’m praying that my mouth is not hanging open, because he is perfection. The angles of his cheekbones. That jaw line. Oh my God those blue eyes. Literally I could just fall into them, and never be heard from again, and I would be ok with that. The slightly messy sable curls, begging to have hands run through it, and all of this is short circuiting my poor overloaded brain in the space of SECONDS.

"Hi”

Seriously? Hi??? Is that the best you can do? You blithering idiot. Just turn off the computer, and find a hole to crawl into.

" Thank you for accepting my apology, and my dinner invitation. I really am sorry that I made such a dog’s dinner of it. I just, well, we were getting on so well, and it was comfortable, and I made a cock up of it. “

I remembered to breathe. In and out. You’ve been doing it for years…

” Well, I suppose I will let it go this once, but I reserve the privilege of punishing you later. “ And I smiled.

He looked down for an instant and then back at me, through his lashes, and there was a wicked twinkle there that wasn’t present before. "Deal.”

Dinner was delicious, and if I told you I recalled what I ate, it would be a bald-faced lie. It was eleven in Hungary, and the end of a long day for him, I’m certain, but the conversation was easy and light and a little flirty. I have no idea when I grew a set of balls that big, but, since no one had come back to tell me that reincarnation was a thing, I might as well swing for the fences. At about the two hour mark, I realized I was probably being very selfish and I should let him get to bed, and said as much.

"That’s the thing that technology lacks…“

” what’s that? “ I asked

"At the end of a marvelous date, I would see you home, and then I would take you in my arms, and I would kiss you. First kisses are important. You can tell a great deal about a person from how they approach a kiss.”

" You mean like long, slow, soft, wet, deep kisses, that last three days? “

"And the small of a woman’s back, and opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve”

"Thank you for a lovely evening, Henry"

"Thank you, y/n"

The next morning there was an email.

***The other thing I rather dislike about current technology is that I would have preferred to write this to you on proper paper. With an actual pen. There is something about the right paper stock, the feel of it, how the ink glides along the page. I do so love handwritten correspondence. Perhaps we can make that part of our dynamic. That is what we are constructing, is it not? I would hate to think we were not, for I feel as though we are, and I find myself floating in it, and at the oddest moments.

I spend, as you might guess, a great deal of time in make up and hair, and I use the time to go over lines and scripts ,changes, fight choreography, and then I see your eyes, laughing, with me, and I feel warm inside, and content. In a way I can’t quite put into words, but I definitely want more of, and soon. I think of things I want to talk to you about, and there is so much that I don’t know. I really should start keeping a list. I think about how your hair fell in front of your face during dinner, and the way that your voice changes in tone and how that does something to me. I want to lose myself in you. Can I do that? Will you allow me that?

The difference in our age doesn’t make a DAMN bit of difference to me. I find you captivating, elegant and so very real. You intrigue me and I need more. I suppose you may already know I had a relationship of some importance with a woman older than I, when I first came to the US. It’s odd, talking about it, now, with you, and when I think back to almost being cast in ‘50 Shades’, well, it’s rather ironic, isn’t it? And, oddly no one batted so much as an eyelash when I was romantically involved with a girl not old enough to drink in a pub.

I would love to be able to run away with you. Please let’s make that a reality. I have about four more weeks here and then I could get away. Anywhere you like. I want to be able to court you properly, hold you, kiss you, feel your hand in mine. If you leave in two weeks, your quarantine will be completed by the time I arrive.

Are you up for an adventure, y/n? Take a chance, on us? On this?***

I’m certain the word I was looking for was gobsmacked.

I had a difficult time staying focused all day and started and rewrote at least seven or eight emails in response. But my mind kept wandering off of its own volition.

He and I laying in the sun, laughing, Kal playing in the shallow end of the pool, secluded enough that I was working on an all over tan, and didn’t feel the need to dress. The kitchen was stocked, so we had no need to go anywhere and were free to enjoy each other’s company.

I got up and walked to the outdoor honeymoon shower to cool off and Henry came over and stepped behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his head on top of mine. He pulled me into his embrace and we were both standing under the fall of water. I turned, and lifted my face to his. He gently brushed his lips with mine and I pressed my lips to his and leaned into the kiss. His tongue darted between my lips and I moaned, my nipples pebbling with desire and the added friction of the hair on that rock solid wall of a chest. My hands slid up his back and I pulled myself closer to him, still kissing, our tongues dueling for dominance and I can feel Henry getting hard.

"You’re incorrigible, like some randy teenager, aren’t you?“

” And maybe I’m just happy to see you"

“Maybe you’re just like Big Dick Richie and you finally found the pussy that fits that monster. How long has it been since you didn’t have to hold back?”

"About an hour or two" and he picked me up and slowly impaled me, inch by delicious inch on that weapon he calls a cock.

In between clients and panty dampening daydreams, I managed to formulate a response.

*****Ok, Hero,

Somehow, I knew you’d be a pen and paper sort of gent. And I would wager you’re particular about your choice of pens. Has to have the right heft, glide just right across the paper. I have specifications about pens myself.

Somewhere secluded. No press. I can go anywhere, and no one will notice me. You, on the other hand will cause a stir anywhere you go. Has to be someplace Kal can go. This isn’t going anywhere if the baby bear decides I’m not ok. I wouldn’t have anything to do with someone my dog didn’t trust.

I’ve probably spent more time than I should have thinking about kissing you, holding your face in my hands, losing myself in those eyes, and building this whatever this is. We will need some ground rules, safe words, and I would imagine your preferences, needs, wants and requirements will come into play. You’ll need to keep up your training, I’ll need to be aware of any dietary issues. There’s probably someone you trust enough for me to coordinate with on this, I would imagine.

I apologize. This is rather choppy, stream of consciousness, isn’t it? Multitasking, let me show you it. Or, maybe you just want to go home? Simple enough to get me into the UK, stick me in a hotel for two weeks and then it’s done and you have all the comforts of home. I can bring what I need and with minimal fuss, we can begin.

Your choice.****

So how IS this going to work? I mean , really? I keep telling myself this is ridiculous. I mean, for all of the reasons that my brain keeps playing on death loop; and then some. Let’s see, I could:

Go do medical tourism, have a frame off restoration, get an entire body lift and then MAYBE feel good enough to perhaps get caught by a photographer within twenty miles of him.

Invent a really good cover story about who I was and why I was anywhere near him.

Become some long misplaced relation who was lost to adoption two generations ago. Some charity case he took pity upon.

Believe me, it just gets worse from there. My brain is a very inhospitable place.

Instead, I forced myself to think a tad more pragmatically.

I looked at the list of things he wanted to do, and thought of the things I was willing to do and decided it was time to begin something that looked like negotiation in the time of the pandemic.

****Hello Handsome:

How are things in Dorking? Which, I have to say is probably the most aptly named place in the hemisphere, since you’re there, you dork. I hope they’re at least being kind to you and not beating you up too badly. With any luck, you’ll save some of that for me.

I’m compiling a list of *activities* and some of them intersect. I can’t say I’m too keen on arm wrestling you to see who gets to top first, so we shall defer to age before beauty. Treachery over youth and skill? There is a skill set that goes with some of these toys, and while it is referred to as play, some of them are considered weapons, and can do damage.

First things first. Safety and trust. If you didn’t trust me, we wouldn’t even be considering this, and at any point you can use a safe word. I won’t assume you know what that is. I will go from the concept that you know nothing and we can adjust from there. it should be a word that doesn’t come up in every day conversation, that’s unique enough that it won’t be misunderstood, but not so complex that you may forget it. For instance, the word I usually use is aardvark. But, in your case, maybe I’ll change that to kryptonite.

I am imagining you laughing. I hope you’re laughing. I’m laughing.

I will never damage you. I will hurt you, and ideally, you’ll like it. I hope to cause you exquisite pain. Erotic anguish. It is what you said you wanted. Been spending any time thinking about it? I have.

Anything that might cause marks will need to be healed back up by the time you have to be on set, or be able to be camouflaged. How do you tend to heal? Do you bruise easily? And never the face. Dear Gods no, not that face. We’ll start slow and go at what ever pace you feel comfortable. I honestly don’t think I can harm you and I’m probably more likely to injure myself on the mountain that is you.

Speaking of injuries, I expect you’ll pay for any damage you do. We may need to find a concierge physician who makes discreet calls. I might have a hard time explaining how I was injured. Should things go really sideways and I perish, I would only ask that you provide for my daughter. Nothing extravagant, just so that she is ok. And she doesn’t need to know where it came from, and it just needs to be enough to keep a roof over her head and gas in her car. Other than that, I don’t really think anyone will make that much of a ruckus. You’ll figure out a way to dispose of my remains. Make me into a diamond, put me in a pinkie ring.

I don’t think I’m destructible. I’m pretty hearty. Now if you want to have a training buddy, I’m down for that too. I could stand to be more fit, and would love a bit more flexibility. I can cook, and will learn what you like. But, there are some ….. concerns. I smoke. You drink.

I know you used to smoke and you’re extraordinarily health conscious, but I don’t have any intentions of quitting. So we will have to figure out some compromise. You drink and I’m twenty seven years clean and sober. I’m not going to tell you not to drink, but I don’t ever want that flavor profile in my mouth, not even in kisses. Something tells me I am going to love kissing you.

We’ll have to figure out a work around for that as well.

However I do think the part you’ll like the best is not having to hold back. Whatever it is, I can take it. And I look forward to you trying to wreck me.

Sweet dreams*****

And then I hit send. And cackled

Instead of an email, I received an attachment.

Not a picture, but a video. I guessed it was a “This is where we are shooting, and here’s my dog, and see how I look before they put this wig on me, or I thought I’d say hello while I was waiting for all the prosthetic scars to dry. “

You know, cell phone video of Dorking, wave hi to my cast mates, here’s where Joey fell into a mud puddle, that sort of thing.

Oh. No. While that may have been what I was expecting, that was not what I got. I clicked the link and damn near died. It was cell phone video, no doubt there, and I knew precisely whom. Panning down that rock solid chest sprinkled with all that chest hair he kept teasing to the women ( And men) of the planet…. and I thought about the nights I dreamt of my face buried in that chest hair, sweaty, satisfied, using him as a human weighted blanket. In my dreams he protested, said he was too heavy, surely I must be crushed by him, and I smiled trying to find the words to tell him how happy it made me, how safe I felt.

My eyes traveled down the eight pack…yes. Holy smokes he has an actual EIGHT pack. Is that even possible? Can humans do that? And I can hear him….

“Do you see what you do to me? One dinner? A few phone calls, some emails and look at this…..”

And God help me, I could not tear my eyes away. His hand, stroking up and down his very erect ,even bigger than I had extrapolated, beautiful thick huge cock. It took my breath away. My heart started to pound. I wished I was closer. I could see the pre cum leaking from the tip and my tongue licked my lips in anticipation. What I wouldn’t give to be able to show him in person what a grown ass woman with no gag reflex can do.

He was purring. That’s what it sounded like, a back of the throat kind of growly thing and his hand was moving faster, and I swear he said “ I’m hard like this almost constantly, dreaming about what will happen when we can actually be together, I want you…..” and he moans, and tightens his grip , and speeds up. His cell must be propped up, because I can see his other hand cupping his balls.

And his abs tightened up and ropes of cum splashed all over his taut stomach, watching some of it slide down those sinful iliac furrows……now I know why gay men call those cum gutters, and I swear I was drooling. I just wanted to lick him clean. My nipples were so hard they hurt and my pussy throbbed with need.

Muttering and cursing under my breath about the time difference I sent back a text message.

* Breakfast looked delicious. Wish I could have helped with that. I’ll see what I can do to make that worse, later. Flights and scheduling are up to you. Good night and sweet dreams, Solo.

You bastard.

Destroyed me, for days you did. Can’t even think properly and all I see when I close my eyes is that…..Dear God above. I’m dripping. Just dripping wet.

W A P indeed. This is ridiculous. My thighs are sticky, my panties are ruined, and I cannot stop thinking about that concealed weapon and how well you wield it.

You owe me a slew of sex toys. So many of those poor defenseless mechanical bastards lost their lives because of you, their numbers decimated, families destroyed….. “ mum, why won’t daddy ever be coming back to the bedside drawer? He’s been gone so long. I’m worried…. ” She doesn’t know how to tell her poor insertable battery operated offspring bout the power surge that cost da his life, and how hurled across the room in frustration, he had shattered on impact, and they couldn’t even have a proper burial…..

Oh I’d get so goddamned close, feel my center coiling up, tighter and tighter, nerve endings on fire…muscles tensing, cunt throbbing

, My toes would curl, and my legs would shake, and I’m making all sorts of noise…….And then…..

Slipped through my grasp, and I’m whimpering in frustration. What’s worse, is I can see you doing that for little lip biting thing that you do, trying to appear sympathetic, whilst at the same time trying not to laugh, and failing that, you actually laugh out loud. A deep resounding belly laugh. The infectious kind that has everyone else laughing. Mocking me.

So I don’t dare mention it.****

And the tension builds. I become testy. I descend into irritated. I have genuine concerns that I will make the complete transition to bitey angry velociraptor and lose the ability to morph back, or occasionally pass for humanoid. A best friend took pity on me and sent me this fantastic toy her girlfriend swears by. One end is insertable, it’s rechargable, has a billion different intensities, and then the other part is , how do I describe it? Well, there’s an indentation. More like a hole, really. And that’s where your clit goes.

It isn’t like it actually comes with instructions. That’s fair. Neither do we.

So, I messed with it. Some of the intensities were lovely. Some of them were waaay too much. A few of them annoyed me. I’ve never been a fan of the start stop thing. Apparently, there was some sort of harmonic convergence, and everything lined up, nudge nudge wink wink, and between the internal stimulation and the external felt almost like sucking, I swear.

Well, the top of my head came clean off, the skies opened up, the choir of angels sang to me, and you KNOW they all looked EXACTLY like him.

I think I passed out. I’m not certain how long I was blissed out, but I can say it put a smile on my face, and restored my faith in humanity. I was also no longer evil.

Once again fit for human consumption I resume sunshine and rainbow emails. “ Hi! How’s your day been? ” That sort of shit. He’s pretty but he’s not stupid. Video call request. Uh oh.

" Would you like to tell me what is actually going on? “

” Since you were kind enough to give me a choice, no, I would rather not. It’s embarrassing. Would you be satisfied with I have it sorted now? “

” No, I don’t believe I will. And, I love the haircut. Quite fetching"

I blushed, which was even more embarrassing. I don’t blush.

"Thank you. I needed a change. They pushed my start date back on my new job, and I was struggling a bit “

"You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet about that video I sent, and that took a great deal of trust and nerve on my part…”

" oh my stars! I can ONLY imagine and I may never have the words to tell you what sort of an effect that has…. Ummm…. Had….. I really think this is a conversation better had in person…… This is…. gah…..I …. Damn you. I used to be articulate. “

And then he laughed. I slapped the webcam away so it stared at the wall. I was going to need a minute to pull my shit together.

"Y/n? Are you there? Where did you go?”

" Just a second. …. “

I flipped the camera back, features all in place. ” Sorry. I know. I’m hysterical. If I’d had the opportunity to do stand up school you might have seen me rather than Jon at Fringe Festival. “

"But I want to see you. I hate that you have to quarantine.”

"Montenegro and Rwanda have no quarantine requirements. However, I don’t know that either of them are a ) recommended or more importantly, safe for Kal. There’s always Dubai and French Polynesia" I said laughing .

" I’m pretty sure you just want to go home, sleep in your own bed and have your own routine. I get that. There isn’t anywhere you can be invisible. I on the other hand, already am. So, if you want me somewhere, then, you make that happen. My needs are simple. Books, coffee, life water, or maybe you know someone who can actually hook me up with that botanical water I keep hearing about, that I can’t freaking get in the middle of the US? IfI have to stay put in one place for two weeks, ideally I’d love to smoke, I’ll need to eat occasionally, and a treadmill would be the cherry on top. Don’t you have people for things like that, Hero? “

And I smiled at him, with a devilish twinkle in my eye, because, now, it’s ON.

In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned that they pushed back my start date. I mean, I didn’t think anything of it. He was working , for fuck’s sake. Damn Netflix to eight hells for telling me there is a thing that exists called Inside the Episodes, and then when I go to play it? Oh, NO, y/n. You may not have this viewing pleasure. I’m starting to think it’s a conspiracy.

Two days later, there’s a knock at the door. I get my firearm, and I answer. Look, I’m American. I know that the neighborhood I live in can be a bit touch and go and don’t get me started on the “entertainment” that emanates from next door, but I don’t get visitors, and no one just knocks on the door. I look out, and it’s a man in a well tailored black suit, and there’s an SUV in my driveway. What the fuck?

I open the door, Glock at my side, behind the door frame, “Can I help you?”

“ Are you Y/n L/n? ”

“ Yes, but there must be some … ” the man hands me an envelope.

“I’ve been instructed to wait in the car”, and he turns on his heel and walks back to the SUV, gets behind the wheel and states straight ahead. I’m looking for a camera. What kind of stunt is this? I shut the door, put down the gun, light a cigarette and open the envelope.*****I’m tired of waiting. I enjoy the getting to know each other part, but distance is not helping. Throw some things in a bag, and come on. If you forget something, I’m certain it can be duplicated. You had mentioned you may have picked up a few things. I hope you don’t forget those.

And he signs it;

“Tired of being Solo”

Did I mention it was on?

Well I’ve had a bit of experience packing for trips, there was a time in recent memory when I was traveling thirty six weekends out of fifty two. I am quite talented at gathering what I need, making sure it fits in an appropriate case, that I can manage, and have the right things in the requisite number of carry on bags. In precisely thirty seven minutes, I locked the house, engaged the alarm and startled the driver by knocking on his window.

“Did you want to unlock the door so I can put this in the back seat, please? ”

Myself situated, bag on the floorboard opposite side and my purse and carry on next to me, I assumed this would be a very short ride to the airport. I’m literally minutes away. The driver asked me if I wanted to smoke. I laughed and said I did but it wasn’t allowed in hired cars. He told me it was in this one. I said that I didn’t see the point as we be at the airport in minutes. “No, ma'am. Begging your pardon. I’m to take you to ….” and he looks at a screen. …And says “Spirit Airfield”. Ok. NOW, I’m smoking.

[idrellegames]

So I had a coding question that I've been trying to find the answer for, for a while. I've tried searching up information online and such but haven't been able to find anything.

I was wondering though how exactly someone would go about creating a main menu screen with the whole being able to create a new game, load one or change the settings? Like I said I've tried searching it up but haven't been able to find anything except for information on creating a transition screen.

You’re going to need an understanding of CSS for this, but I’ll do my best to walk you through it, alongside some basic functions of the UIBar and UI APIs. Also, like pretty much anything to do with coding, there is more than one way to do something (and there may be a more efficient/effective way than mine).

Like all of my tutorials, this is written for SugarCube 2.34.1. Since this one mainly deals with CSS, I’m sure you could adapt it to another format, but I’m not familiar enough with Harlowe, Snowman and Chapbook to add specifics.

Additionally, I use the Twine 2 editor version 2.2.1. This tutorial can be used with later versions; some of my example images may look not look exactly like what you have because later versions of the editor launch test files in your default browser (the 2.2.1 version creates its own mini-browser).

Making a Main Menu Page

Step 1: Hiding the UI Bar

If you want a clear main menu page without the UI bar, you can hide it in several ways.

<<run UIBar.destroy();>>

This will remove the UI bar completely from your game. Not recommended unless you have an alternative way of adding access to the Save, Settings and Restart functions.

<<run UIBar.stow();>>

This stows the UI bar. It will still be partially visible on the side and the player can interact with it to open it. The UI bar can be unstowed manually (without needing the player to do it themselves) on the next passage with:

<<run UIBar.unstow();>>

If you don’t want the UI bar to show up on your main menu, but you want to have access to it later, you can use:

<<run UIBar.hide();>>

To bring it back, you will have to use the following on the passage where you want the player to have access to it.

<<UIBar.show();>>

You may want to use the stow/hide and unstow/show functions together. Hiding the UI bar only makes it invisible; it will still take up space on the left-hand side of your game. Stowing and hiding it makes it a little more even.

To use them together, you can do this:

On the passage you don’t want the UI bar:

<<run UIBar.stow();>><<run UIBar.hide();>>

On the passage you where you want to restore the UI bar:

<<run UIBar.unstow();>><<run UIBar.show();>>

TIP 1: Using <<run UIBar.stow (true)>> gets rid of the slide animation as the UI bar collapses/restores, so you may want to use this so you don’t have any weird animations when you menu passage loads.

TIP 2: If you main menu is the first passage of your game, you can run the scripts for storing and hiding the UI bar in your StoryInit passage and it will run it when your game loads.

TIP 3: You can also use the Config API to have the menu bar be stowed automatically when your game starts.

Pop this code into your Javascript:

Config.ui.stowBarInitially = true;

However, if you have any links that navigate back to the main menu without restarting the game, the UI bar will be in whatever state the player left it in last. If you can only access the main menu by launching the game or hitting restart, don't worry about this.

If you want to double-check the SugarCube documentation for these functions, see here.

Step 2: Tagged Stylesheets

If you want to create a menu page that has a different appearance to your game’s default look, you can do so by using a tagged stylesheets. When using a tagged stylesheet, every passage with the same tag will have its appearance overridden to match what you’ve adjusted in your Story Stylesheet.

Let’s make one called main-menu. You can tag passages like so:

You can also tag the passage a different colour to make it special passages like this one stand out.

Step 3: Adding CSS

Now that the passage is tagged, you need to add a new CSS class to your stylesheet to change its appearance.

To change the appearance, you need to decide which selectors to target and what about them you want to change. Every default SugarCube game has the same set of selectors (you can find them here in the documentation). The most important ones are:

body – the body of the page. You can use this to change the foreground and background colours.

.passages – the element that contains your game’s main text. This is where you can change things like the colour that displays behind your game’s text, the font family, line height, letter spacing, all that stuff.

For the sake of this example, I am going to use the default SugarCube stylesheet and edit it from the ground up. You can find the code for SugarCube’s built-in stylesheets here.

In your stylesheet, you will want to use the tag you created earlier as the new class name.

.main-menu

Put this with the selectors you are going to change.

Let’s start with the body.

body.main-menu { color: #fff; background-color: #000; overflow: auto; }

The color property controls the colour of the font. Here I’ve set it to the hex code #fff and the background-color #000.

So now I have a black page when I start the main menu passage, and thanks to the code for the UI bar I put in earlier, the UI bar is gone.

Adding a Background

Now, we might want to spice up the background with an image to make it more interesting.

To add an image to the background, you need to use the background-image property.

body.main-menu { color: #fff; background-color: #000; background-image: url("images/main-menu.jpg"); background-attachment: fixed; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: cover; -webkit-background-size: cover; -moz-background-size: cover; -o-background-size: cover; background-position: center center; overflow: auto; }

You can read more about the different background properties and what they do here on W3Schools, but the code above will center your background image in the middle of the page and also make sure that it covers the entire container.

IMPORTANT: If you intend to upload your game as a ZIP file containing a .index HTML file (this is recommended if you have a lot of image assets or don’t want to link to an outside host, like imgur), you will need to use relative paths with any image URLs in your game.

Relative paths mean that the file is relative to the directory it’s in. In the example above, you can see that the background URL is "images/main-menu.jpg". This means that when the file is uploaded to itch.io, it will find the file—main-menu.jpg—inside the images folder, regardless of where the images folder is located.

For reference, this is what my game assets folder looks like for Wayfarer:

Relative paths are different than an absolute path, which begins with the drive letter. For example, the main-menu.png may be stored on my personal computer in a path like this one: C:/game/images/main-menu.jpg.

If I use this absolute path in the game, the image asset will not show up for players once it’s uploaded to itch because the image is not hosted on the player’s device in C:/game/images/main-menu.jpg.

This can cause some finnicky issues with the Twine 2 editor because the editor cannot find and display images from relative paths (unless you’ve put the editor in the same directory as the one you’re storing your assets in; I haven’t bothered to try this, so I’m not sure).

While working on your game in the Twine editor, you may need to use an absolute path to see what your asset looks like while you're editing. When it comes time to publish, make sure you switch it back to a relative path, otherwise the image will not load for players.

Step 4: Adding & Styling Links

Now that we have a background, we’ll want to tackle the links themselves.

Adding Links

You can link to the starting passage of your game using your preferred method—the [[ ]] link markup, the <<link>> macro, etc.

But for Saves and Settings (and also a Resume Game link, if you’re using the autosave feature), you’ll need to manually call the functions for accessing those dialogs. You can do that with this code here:

This will add a Load Game link that opens the Saves dialog when clicked.

<<link 'LOAD GAME'>><<run UI.saves();>><</link>>

This will add a Settings link that opens the Settings dialog when clicked.

<<link 'SETTINGS'>><<run UI.settings();>><</link>>

This will add a Resume Game link that loads the player’s last autosave.

<<link 'RESUME GAME'>><<run Save.autosave.load()>><</link>>

TIP: To enable autosaves on your game, add this code to your Story Javascript:

Config.saves.autosave = true;

This will autosave on every passage.

Config.saves.autosave = ["bookmark", "autosave"];

This will autosave on passages tagged bookmark or autosave.

Styling Your Game Title & Links

So this is where you can get get fancy with your CSS. For now, we’re going to keep everything within the .passage element (which is where any text inputting into the editor goes), but I will show you how to move the links and title to wherever you want further down.

Importing Fonts

First, go font shopping.

Google fonts has a very large library of free-to-use fonts that you can import directly into your game via your Story Stylesheet. After you browser Google fonts for the fonts you want to use, scroll down to the Use on Web section and click @import. Google will automatically generate the code you need to import the fonts you want to use.

Ignore the <style> </style> and copy everything else inside it and paste it in the top of your Story Stylesheet.

For this example, mine looks like this:

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Almendra+Display&family=Nova+Cut&display=swap');

TIP: If you are importing fonts that a bold weight and italics available and intend to use bold and italics, make sure you import the bold weight and the italic versions of the font as well as the regular one. This will stop your fonts from having weird printing issues when you use bold and italics (especially on non-Chromium browsers like Firefox).

Below the import button, Google will show you the CSS rules for each font family. Keep these in mind, you’ll need them later. Mine, for this example, are like this:

font-family: 'Almendra Display', cursive; font-family: 'Nova Cut', cursive;

Basic Styling

In your stylesheet, you’ll want to target the .passage element with the .main-menu class.

.passage.main-menu { background-color: transparent; font-family: 'Nova Cut', cursive; font-size: 3.5em; text-align: center; }

Make sure there isn’t a space between .passage and .main-menu, otherwise it won’t work!

Here, I’ve changed a few properties.

font-family – this changes the font to Nova Cut

font-size – this changes the font size. I’ve used the unit em, which is relative to the element size (you can read more about CSS Units here)

text-align – this centers the text to the middle of the .passage element

I have also added:

background-color: transparent;

This makes the passage background transparent so you can see the background image. This is only necessary if you’ve added a background-color to your default passages.

Now, for the links.

Links have their own separate selector.

a means is the link as it usually displays

a:hover is the link when the player hovers their cursor over it.

It's generally a good idea to use different colours on the links—one for the normal display, one for the hover—so the player can visually see that they are hovering over a clickable link. If you don't want to use different colours, you should consider using some other visual cue to make that differentiation.

.passage.main-menu a { font-family: 'Nova Cut', cursive; color: #C57C25; text-decoration: none; }

.passage.main-menu a:hover { font-family: 'Nova Cut', cursive; color: #dcb07c; text-decoration: none; }

I’ve added an additional property here:

text-decoration: none.

This gets rid of the underline that happens on all default links in the default SugarCube stylesheet. Currently, this only targets the links on passages tagged main-menu; if you want to get rid of the text-decoration on all links, you can change the styling of your links like so:

a:hover { text-decoration: none; }

Choosing Colours

If you’re not sure where to start when it comes to picking hex codes, color-hex.com is a really helpful site. It gives you related tints and shades of for every hex code, which makes it a lot easier to find colours that are slightly darker or slightly lighter than your base hex code.

For choosing colours initially, there are plenty of hex code colour palette generators available online. One of my favourites is the one on Canva, which lets you upload an image and then it creates a colour palette from there. You might not want to use the exact colours it pulls, but checking the colours on color-hex can help you narrow down something that works for your aesthetics.

This is what our template now looks like:

Giving the Title a Unique Style

Right now, the title is styled by the .passage.main-menu selector and it’s default font size and font type is the same as the links below it.

If you want to style it differently, you can make a new class for it. In this case, I’m going to drop the .passage.main-menu and make a class called .game-title.

.game-title { font-family: 'Almendra Display', cursive; color: #ca893a; line-height: 1.0; font-size: 1.8em; text-shadow: 1px 1px #dcb07c; }

Because the font I selected didn’t come with a bold version, I cheated a bit a used the text-shadow property to bulk it up. I also had to adjust the line height. SugarCube’s default .passage styling gives everything a line height of 1.75 and there was too much space once the new font family and font size were applied.

To add this styling to your title, go into your main menu passage and wrap your game’s title in a span, like so:

<span class="game-title">GENERIC FANTASY GAME</span>

It now appears like this:

TIP: If you want to play around with your appearance, you can use your browser’s Inspect tool to see the page’s CSS and play around/edit it. Either right click and hit Inspect or hit CTRL + SHIFT + I to open the Inspect tool. Once opened, you can go in and adjust things. If you make and a change and like it, remember to copy the code over to your stylesheet before you close the inspect tool.

Placing a Title & Links Outside the .passage element

If you want your game title and menu links to be elsewhere on the page, you’re going to need re-write some of your CSS and add some additional CSS.

The first thing is that you’ll want to remove the styling from .passage.main-menu. I’ve left background-color to transparent, but you’re not going to be using this to style your game title and menu links.

.passage.main-menu { background-color: transparent; }

For the title:

I’ve created two elements, one called .main-title and one called .main-title-item.

.main-title creates a container that will hold the title. This is what I use to tell it where on the page to appear.

.main-title { display: block; justify-content: space-evenly; position: absolute; top: 10%; left: 4%; }

.main-title-item styles the actual text.

.main-title-item { font-family: 'Almendra Display', cursive; text-transform: uppercase; font-weight: normal; font-size: 6.5em; line-height: 1.0; text-align: left; color: #cf944d; text-shadow: 1px 1px #cf944d; }

To apply this to the game title, go back to the main menu passage and apply your new elements to the game’s title:

<div class="main-title"><span class="main-title-item">GENERIC FANTASY GAME</span></div>

For the menu links:

Here, we’ll do something really similar—a container to hold the links and a separate element to style them.

.subtitle { display: block; flex-wrap: wrap; flex-direction: column; width: 60%; justify-content: space-evenly; position: absolute; top: 46%; left: 8%; }

.subtitle-item a { font-family: 'Nova Cut', cursive; font-weight: normal; font-size: 3.5em; text-align: left; color: #cf944d; line-height: 1.3em; }

.subtitle-item a:hover { font-family: 'Nova Cut', cursive; font-weight: normal; font-size: 3.5em; text-align: left; color: #dcb07c; text-decoration: none; }

Go back to your main menu passage and apply the elements. Because all of the menu links will be in the same box, you only need to open/close the .subtitle element once.

<div class="subtitle"><span class="subtitle-item">[[NEW GAME]]</span>

<span class="subtitle-item"><<link 'LOAD GAME'>><<run UI.saves();>><</link>></span>

<span class="subtitle-item"><<link 'RESUME GAME'>><<run Save.autosave.load()>><</link>></span>

<span class="subtitle-item"><<link 'SETTINGS'>><<run UI.settings();>><</link>></span></div>

If you want to change where the title and menu links appear, you can use the Inspect tool to figure out different percentages and spacing until you find something that works for you.

There are a lot more things you can add (like animations that appear when you hover your cursor on the link), but I’ll leave it there for now.

Additionally, if you intend to make your game mobile compatible, you’ll want to read up on media queries and learn how to adjust font sizes and any other units of measurement for different viewports. This is how you shrink things appropriate to fit on small screens.

I hope this helps! If you have any questions, please let me know. I’m still a newbie at CSS (so I’m sure there are ways of doing things more effectively), but these are some of the things that I have helped me along the way.