#i've been too tired lately to go on social media

[donuts4evry1]

happy lny all :)

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

[mywritersmind]

hey girl! are you writing for franco atm??? if so I wanted to see if you could write smth like fluff or reader and franco get in a fight maybe bcs of the time zones and races and he surprises her one night before race weekend like he catches a flight to see her but she still won’t budge on talking to him xxx

YELL AND FLY - FC43

listen up : just arguing but ending in comfort. thanks for the request this lowk almost made me cry

word count : 877

⋆｡‧˚⋆

I can hear him pacing, the sounds of drilling and tires in the background, “I’m just tired, Franco.” We’ve been like this for an hour, I keep hearing him swear in spanish and making sure everyone leaves him alone.

“You don’t think I am?” he groans as someone tries to speak to him again, “Fuck, obviously I’m tired! You’re not the one working every weekend.”

I scoff and sit up in my bed, the sun not even up yet, “That's unfair and you know it, Franco! I work! I work even more when you’re away!” I say sarcastically, “But I'm sorry that you have to do the job you chose and you love!”

I shake my head as he responds, “I didn’t mean that, love.”

“Yes you did. And that’s fine but don’t push your anger onto me. You always do shit like this.”

“Like what?” His voice raises.

I run my hand into my hair, “You don’t think I support you.”

“Well it’s hard to think that when you’re not here supporting me.” I want to hit him, then myself. How could he think that? After I said I wanted to be there but couldn’t because I was fucking working. He takes it back quickly, “I’m sorry i’m just overwhelmed-”

“Franco. I’m tired.” Tired of this. Tired of waking up so early and staying up late for a ten minute call where we just fight, “we should talk about this later.”

He still sounds angry, “I’m busy all day.”

I stay silent. What am I supposed to say? Cry and tell him to not be? I have no choice but to nod.

“Good luck.”

He sighs, I hear the ruffling of his hair, “I’m sorry. I wish you were here.”

“Me too.” He’s mad at me and I’m mad at him. I’ve been with Franco long before his F1 debut, but us yelling over the phone every weekend isn’t something I expected with the job.

⋆｡‧˚⋆

I watched his race, texted him, and logged off social media for the day. He’s off to Mexico but I just can’t leave right now. I’m sitting in the kitchen, eating my cereal and leaning over the counter while listening to Taylor Swift.

There’s a knock at the door, I groan. I’m in the same pajamas as two days ago and my hair is in the messiest bun I've seen in a while.

When I open the door, my jaw actually drops.

“Franco?” I poke him as if I think he’s some figment of my imagination. Have I really gone that crazy that I'm imagining my boyfriend at my door?

“Hi, love.” He’s real. He walks in, shutting the door softly. I want to cry as he slips his arms around me, “I’m so sorry.”

His voice washes over me and I hug him tighter, breathing him in and realizing how much I missed how he smells.

“I’m mad at you.” It comes out as a whisper, my voice broken and sad.

“You can be.” I pull back a bit, his hands in my hair, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Why are you here?” I cross my arms, stepping back.

Franco looks nervous, a bag by his side, “I wanted to see you. I thought you wanted that too…”

“Of course I did!” I sigh dramatically.

He smiles at my anger, “So, I'm here for you.”

I shake my head, going to the kitchen and cleaning up my breakfast. I don’t know how to feel. I’m so happy he’s here. But then what? He’ll just leave again and I’ll watch two second clips of him on the TV?

He follows me into the kitchen, “Love… Let me do it.” I let him because I hate the dishes.

I sit on the counter, watching him gently washing the bowl with his sleeves rolled up. He drys his hands, then looks up at me.

“I’m sorry for being mad.” I look at the floor but he steps in between my legs so I look at him, “It’s just hard.”

“It’s hard for me too. I want you there all the time but I'm so proud of you!” he puts his hands on my outer thighs, “Time Zones suck.”

I laugh, wiping my eyes from the tears that spill down my face, “I’m proud of you too. Shit, you’re so amazing. I hate working.”

“Quit.” He says it so fast.

“Franco!” I swat at his arm, letting out a sort of sob laugh.

“Okay, you can quit when I get a full time seat.” I laugh as he smiles softly up at me, “I know it’s rough right now.”

“We can work through it. We’re us.” His thumbs smooth over my cheeks.

He nods, “We’re us.”

“How long are you here for?”

He frowns, “I leave tomorrow night.” I frown with him, “But I'm here now.”

I sigh, knowing he’s right. I look up at my boyfriend, his hands on me. I know I need to live in the moment now.

I kiss him softly and he pulls me into another hug, his arms around my waist, “I love you.”

I run my hands through his hair, “I love you too. We can do this.”

[rinsoap]

THEM AS YOUR BOYFRIEND!

includes : ken ryuguji and baji keisuke. they are in their late teens/early 20s.

note : UR WELCOME TO THE FOURTEEN REQS IN MY INBOX BEGGING FOR BAJI CONTENT! i was gonna write mitsuya and mikey but i got tired lol

ken ryuguji as your boyfriend.

he loves taking you out on his bike. he likes how you hold him so tightly, and he likes the feeling of your cheek pressed against his back. when you first asked him, he was a little wary at first because he was kind of scared you might get hurt, but who was he to say no to his girl?

the girls at the brothel fucking love you. you exchange makeup tips and self care remedies, they pinch your cheek and tell you how cute you are. "hi love, what are you doing here looking so pretty!? ain't she pretty, kenny? yeahh he thinks so, look at him, he's blushing" "'course i think she's pretty, i'm the one dating her" oh and they love to give you life advice too; men, money, independance, all of it. draken is embarassed by how they act, but you think it's sweet.

he hates being posted to your socials. he's cool with it if his face isn't in the picture, but he values his privacy. his own social media presence is practically nonexistent, other than one highlight with one story from your birthday of you holding flowers he got you. the song he posted to you is my girl by the temptations.

though he likes his privacy, he does like pda. not intense pda, it's not like y'all have your tongues down each other's throats in public or anything, but he likes a lil kiss here n there. his arm around your waist, or your fingers intertwined with his. a kiss on your shoulder, and always one on your lips before you part. and while he doesn’t typically like to make a scene, when he misses you its a whole different story. he loves when you run to him when you see him after being away from each other for far too long, throwing your arms around his shoulders and his wrap around your waist to spin you around, peppering the side of your face with kisses as you tell him how much you missed him through giggles. "missed you too, angel," a kiss on your jaw. "i'm sorry i've been so busy lately," a kiss on your cheek "'m gonna make it up to you though, i promise." a kiss on your lips. yeah, it's that kind of pda.

he will call you so many pet names, it's not even funny. they're out of his mouth before he even realizes it. it's not like he hides his loving side exactly, it's just that with you, he gets to be a whole other type of gushy. his friends make fun of him whenever they get a glimpse of his softer side when he speaks to you, but he does not care!!! he'll never stop calling you his pretty princess or kissing your cheek or holding all your bags when you go shopping just because his friends think he's whipped. he would happily admit that they're right!!

baji keisuke as your boyfriend.

he may come across as cold, but make no mistake, physical touch is his love language. he always finds himself gravitating to touching you, even in public. whether he's holding your hand or resting his head on your shoulder or tracing hearts and stars into the skin of your thigh, he just wants to touch you!!! in private, it is so much more egregious. he'll be on top of you, attacking you with kisses, hands roaming over your skin. he loves when you sleep over because then he can extend his time to cuddle with you. he likes little spoon and big spoon equally, he just wants SOMEONE to be held!!!

he has and will fight someone for you, absolutely no question. he doesn't exactly get jealous, you express how much you love him enough for him to have interalized it, but he does let a threat or two slip out when a man's flirting with you right in front of him. when someone is being creepy to you, yes, he has been known to throw a couple punches. he'll stop when you ask!! its not like he's batshit!!!! when he's finished, you tend to his wounds. muttering about how stupid he is but giving him a kiss to his temple.

he knows how obsessed you are with his hair. he watches you from the corner of his eye, staring lip tucked between your teeth as he puts it up. he complains, but he secretly loves it. "man you treat me like some slut" "true i'm just using you for your hair. one day you'll wake up bald and i'll be half way across the country with a ziploc bag full of your beautiful hair" "i hate you" he loves lying on top of you, cheek pressed against your chest as you run your fingers through your hair. he always ends up mumbling how much he loves you when your fingers find their way into his hair. he also lets you play around with different hairstyles too! his favourite will always be a half up half down moment :p

he calls you bro more than actual pet names tbh. generally, he doesn't use a lot of pet names because he'd rather call you by your name, but when he's being extra sweet or when he's tired, he'll use them. you love how cute he is when he's about to fall asleep, he starts going on and on about how much he loves his pretty girl. "soo sweet to me, love you soo much... my lovely girl... my love" he'll whisper into your neck, not even knowing exactly what he's saying himself as his eyes slowly flutter shut. when he's in a good mood he'll greet you with a lil "hey baby" or "hello perfect beautiful girlfriend" bc he's annoying like that 😞

he can ALWAYS tell when something is wrong. a clench of your jaw or a slight falter in your eyes, he immediately knows. he'll ask about it as soon as he picks up on it. he's surprisingly very good at comforting. he'll listen as long as you need him to, he'll give you a temple kiss, a gesture that quickly became a sign of love and understanding in your relationship. he'll kiss you on one, then the other, and add "to ease your mind." and you laugh because it's corny, and he rolls his eyes and claims he's never doing a nice thing for you again, but he grabs your hand to take you out to eat because he knows food is the best comfort.

[starkeyslibrary]

That's So True

Inspired by That's so True by Gracie Abrams

pairing: reader x drew starkey

a/n: i just realized that i've never formally introduced myself on here! my bad, my name is rhodee, 21 years old, living in europe and currently studying law. i love writing imagines that'll hopefully make you laugh, swoon or cry (sorry not sorry) a little too hard <3

stick around if you’re into dreamy characters, plot twists, or just want to scream about Drew with me!

hope i'll get to know so many of y'all on here!! okay that's all, enjoy <3

The night Drew had left for the premiere, you told yourself it was just another event, like all the others. You even tried to convince yourself you didn't mind staying home, avoiding the chaos of the red carpet. It's his night, you thought, forcing a smile as he kissed you goodbye, his cologne lingering in the air long after the door closed.

But as the hours stretched on, the gnawing sense of isolation grew. It wasn't just tonight - it had been building for months. Drew's career was skyrocketing, and with every interview, press tour and glamorous event, it felt like he was slipping further away from you. He'd promised that things would calm down after this movie, that he'd have more time. But those promises were always vague, like a finish line that kept moving further out of reach.

The photos hit social media just before midnight. Drew, looking devastatingly handsome in his suit, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with his co-star, Odessa A’ Zion. The fan comments flooded in, gushing about how perfect they looked together, how the chemistry was undeniable.

You slammed your laptop shut. It wasn't jealousy - not exactly. You trusted him, but trust didn't erase the ache of feeling invisible.

The sound of Drew's keys jingling at the door pulled you from your spiralling thoughts. The clock on the wall read 1:47 a.m. You hadn't realized how late it had gotten. The door opened, and Drew stepped inside, his movements slow and careful, like he didn't want to disturb you. He probably thought you were asleep.

"Hey," you called out, your voice sharp in the quiet apartment. You couldn't hide the edge of frustration.

He paused, caught off guard, then gave a tired smile. "Hey, babe. Didn't think you'd still be up."

"Well, I am," you said, standing from the couch. "Thought you said you'd be home hours ago."

"The afterparty ran late," he explained, shrugging off his jacket. "I texted you."

"That's not the point, Drew," you snapped, your tone harsher than you intended. “This isn’t just about tonight. Do you even realize how little I see you anymore?”

His brows furrowed, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s my job, you know how crazy things get during press tour. This isn’t new.”

“That doesn’t make it easier,” you shot back. “You’re always out there, Drew. With her, with them – whoever. And I’m just .... here. Alone. Waiting for whatever scraps of time you have left.”

Drew exhaled sharply, clearly tired, and not in the mood for an argument. “This again?” he muttered, his tone clipped. “I can’t keep apologizing for doing my job.”

You flinched at his words. “I’m not asking you to apologize for working. I’m asking you to make me feel like I matter.”

“You do matter,” he said, raising his voice slightly. “But you’re acting like I can just drop everything. This is how it is y/n. This is how it’s always been.”

“No, it hasn’t,” you countered. “It’s different now. You’re different. You barely talk to me anymore. Half the time, I don’t even know what’s going on in your life. But everyone else does. The fans, the press – they all get pieces of you that I don’t.”

“That’s not true,” Drew said, shaking his head. “You’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”

Your eyes burned with unshed tears. “You don’t get it, do you? You don’t see how lonely this is for me. You’re so caught up in your world that you don’t even notice.”

Drew’s frustration boiled over. “What do you want me to do, y/n? Quit? Stop taking jobs? Would that make you happy?”

His words felt like a slap, and the tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over. “I want you to fight for this – for us. But instead, you’re treating me like a burden.”

Drew froze, his anger dissipating as he saw the pain in your expression. “Y/N,” he started, his tone softer, “You’re not a burden. I love you. You know that.”

“Do I?” you whispered. “Because it doesn’t feel like it anymore.”

The silence that followed was suffocating. Drew looked at you, his face a mix of regret and helplessness. “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Then don’t say anything,” you said, retreating to the bedroom before your emotions could completely overwhelm you.

You shut the door behind you, leaning against it as sobs wracked your body. You hated this – hated feeling like you were losing him. But you didn’t know how to bridge the growing distance between you.

Drew stood in the living room, staring at the closed door. He felt like the worst person in the world. He wanted to fix it; to make you understand how much you meant to him. But he was so tired – tired of the constant pull between his career and personal life, tired of feeling like he was failing at both.

He sat on the couch, his head in his hands. The apartment felt unbearably quiet without you. The fight replayed in his mind, your words cutting deeper with each pass. I want you to fight for this – for us.

He realized then how distant he’d been, how much he’d taken your support for granted. You’d been his anchor through everything, and he’d been too caught up in his own world to see how much you were struggling.

When you woke up, the sun was streaming through the curtains, but the weight in your chest hadn’t lifted. You found Drew in the kitchen, already dressed and nursing a cup of coffee. His face lit up when he saw you, but it quickly fell when he noticed your guarded expression.

“Morning,” he said softly, hesitant.

You nodded, not trusting your voice.

“I, uh, I thought about what you said last night,” he began, setting his coffee down. “And you’re right. I haven’t been fair to you.”

You looked at him, surprised. “Drew – “

“Let me finish,” he interrupted gently. “I’ve been so focused on my career that I forgot what matters most – you. Us. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not part of my life, because you are. You’re everything to me, Y/N. And I know I haven’t shown that enough.”

Tears filled your eyes, and this time, you didn’t fight them. “I just... I miss you, Drew. I miss us.”

He crossed the room in a few strides, pulling you into his arms. “I miss us, too,” he said, his voice breaking. “And I’m going to do better. I promise.”

For the first time in weeks, you felt a glimmer of hope. The road ahead wouldn’t be easy, but for the first time, it felt like you were on the same page.

[yezznn]

Spending his break together — a Soobin drabble<3

pairings: Soobin x gn!reader

genre: fluff, comfort.

warnings: none! But pls let txt rest (I’m talking to you, HYBE employee reading fanfics for fan service purposes)

check out my masterlist | remember this is fictional!

You could see it in his eyes during video calls—the toll of constant comebacks and rehearsals. His dedication was unwavering, but his health was starting to suffer. His fans were literally begging on every social media for the company to give his group a break, but Soobin still came on camera with his beautiful dimpled smile and tried to reassure everyone that they were just fine. It didn’t take long to become more evident, though, to the point it was starting to worry you, too. Being an idol’s partner wasn’t fun all the time, you’d spent more time without him than with him, and you feared that asking him to take it easy would come out as selfishness.

But when his company finally granted him a long-term break, it was like a breath of fresh air. You received his call while at work, and the relief in his voice was palpable. "Guess who's coming home for Christmas?" he said, and your heart leaped with joy.

The moment you saw him at the airport, a mix of emotions washed over you. He looked tired but happy, and the tight hug you share says more than words ever could. "I've missed you so much," he whispered into your hair, and even with his enormous height he looked like a vulnerable child, just glad to be back.

With Soobin home, your days are filled with cozy nights in. You’d cook his favorite meals, catching up on all the moments you missed. He helps you decorate the Christmas tree, laughing as he tries to untangle the fairy lights. You make it a point to take care of him, ensuring he gets plenty of rest. You have lazy mornings with breakfast in bed, and some late night walks to play in the snow— even when the cold becomes unbearable.

Knowing how much Soobin values quality time, you plan a day of relaxation. You both decide to stay in the day of his birthday, lounging in comfortable clothes and catching up on all the shows and movies he's missed during his busy schedule.

Throughout the day, you surprise him with little gifts. A cozy sweater, a book he's been wanting to read, and a new pair of headphones. Each gift is wrapped with love, and his eyes light up with every unwrapping. "You always know exactly what I need," he says, giving you a warm hug. In the afternoon, you suggest baking a cake together. Soobin's laughter fills the kitchen as you both fumble with the ingredients, making a mess but enjoying every moment.

As the day turned into night, you led Soobin to a surprise party you'd secretly arranged with his friends and family. The moment he steps into the backyard, he's greeted with a chorus of "Happy Birthday!" And you could swear you’ve never seen him happier before. Back at home, as you both got ready for bed, Soobin wrapped his arms around you and murmured, "This has been the best birthday ever. Thank you for everything."

As the year comes to an end, you spend New Year's Eve together, reflecting on the past year and all you've been through. At midnight, he pulls you close, kissing you softly and promising that the coming year will be even better.

This time together strengthens your bond like never before. Soobin appreciates your support, and you cherish every moment spent with him. As his break comes to an end, you both know that no matter how busy life gets, your love is the constant that keeps you both going.

a/n: in honor of Soobin’s update 💗 I miss him so so so much but I’m so happy to know he’s resting and sharing with his family. I’m just hoping they’ll get the rest they deserve and come back healthier and more energized! This was really rushed so I’m sorry if it’s kind of bad, just felt like writing a something for Soob.

[lucy90712]

Hey so for Jude Bellingham can you write like Jude cheating on reader, he is very distant with her and she tries to make plans or asks him things like how has ur day been but he either just gives her blunt replies or just completely ignores her. Reader finds out he cheated on her via his phone and she confronts him and she admits it. Then reader leaves him and moves on with someone else (not a footballer just someone random) and Jude regrets what he has done but it is too late. Like pure angst and please make it long! Thank you!

A/n: the timeline on this doesn’t really work but just ignore that

Part 2

Sitting in a restaurant alone waiting for someone to show up is embarrassing. It's even more embarrassing when people know who your boyfriend is and are very clearly judging you and thinking about what might be going on in your personal life. Then the most embarrassing part of it all is having to leave after sitting there for an hour. 

No text no call and no answer. After getting home from the restaurant I stayed up for as long as possible to try and wait for Jude to come home so I could ask him why he didn't show up to the date he planned and invited me on but by 3am he still wasn't home. The next morning he wasn't in bed but he had clearly been home and then left for training but he still hadn't even read the texts I sent him last night. He did post on his Instagram story which explained where he was, he was at a party with all of his friends. I'd love to say that's the first time he's done this but it isn't in fact he's done it countless times in the last few months. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Valentine's Day

Two hours ago I got ready in a cute dress and did my makeup ready to go out to dinner with Jude. He's been so busy recently so we haven't spent much time together but he promised me we'd spend Valentine's Day together, he got us a reservation at my favourite restaurant and told me to dress up. That's exactly what I did now I'm sat here still waiting for him to get home two hours after when he said he'd be home. 

It hurts to be left just waiting I was looking forward to tonight and getting to spend some time together as I've missed having him around. He made this move to Madrid out to be the best thing for us but ever since things just haven't been the same. He's always busy and when he's not he chooses to spend time with his teammates instead which I understand but at the same time he's neglecting me and our relationship. I tried to bring this up but he shut me down and promised to spend more time with me which is how we ended up with this date but clearly it's not that important to him. 

Close to 3 hours later Jude finally came home and looked at me incredibly confused when he saw me all dressed up. 

"Where are you going?" He asked 

"On a date with you remember you said we would go out for dinner because it's Valentine's Day" I said 

"I'm so sorry baby I completely forgot this week has been crazy I promise I'll make it up to you another day but I'm so tired is a movie night instead ok" he said 

"Yeah its ok" I lied 

Birthday 

As always I woke up to an empty bed and Jude having left for training. Today isn't any normal day though it's my birthday so all my friends are coming over and we are going to go out for lunch together then hopefully Jude and I can do something together this evening even if it's just watching something together on the sofa. When I grabbed my phone from my bedside table I had loads of messages from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday and my social media was filled with edits done by Jude's fans which were all so sweet. The only notable missing thing was a text from Jude but that's ok he might've been running late and forgot. 

I forgot about Jude as soon as my friends arrived as they all spoiled me far too much but I had so much fun with them. It was nice to be distracted from real life and stop worrying about when Jude will be home, if he will remember it's my birthday or if he still cares about me at all. Once I got back home Jude's car was already in the driveway so I smiled and happily made my way inside to see him. I wasn't expecting Vini and Eduardo to be over but there they were sat on the sofa playing video games with Jude. 

"Hey y/n happy birthday" Vini said 

"I didn't realise it was your birthday Jude didn't mention it but happy birthday" Eduardo said 

"Thanks guys" I said 

"Where have you been babe?" Jude asked still not saying happy birthday 

"I was with my friends they took me to lunch" I said 

"That sounds fun" Jude said going right back to his game 

His friends tried to leave saying he should spend time with me but he said it was fine and that I wouldn't mind so they stayed. While they all sat down stairs having more fun than I was I did some work with tears streaming down my face. My own boyfriend doesn't care about my birthday his teammates cared more than he did. 

Anniversary 

"Happy anniversary love" I said when I found Jude in the kitchen this morning 

"Happy anniversary" he said 

I tried to give him a kiss but he dodged it and went to start packing his things as he has an away game later today so he's leaving soon. 

"I'm sorry baby I've got to go I'll see you later though" he said as he left leaving me all alone yet again 

~~~~~~~~~~

Today is a day I always like to forget. Both of my parents died in a car accident two years ago today so it's always an emotional day for me and my siblings, we would like to spend it together to distract ourselves but as I'm in Madrid we can't do that. Instead my friends invited themselves over so that I'd have someone with me which made me feel so much better. They came over early so early that Jude was still here as he hadn't left for training yet. He was doing his own thing as the girls all sat with me and let me get out all my emotions now by telling them memories I have with my parents. 

"You know they'd be so proud of you" one of my friends said 

"I just wish they were here to see all the things me and my siblings have done all thanks to their constant encouragement" I sniffled tears still falling down my face 

"Why are you crying babe?" Jude asked as he walked down the stairs 

"Just thinking about my parents it's the anniversary of their death so I'm just a bit emotional" I said 

"I'm glad the girls are here to make you feel better then I'll see you later ok" he said 

With that he left and my friends all looked at me with an expression I didn't quite understand.

"How long has he been like that?" My best friend asked 

"Like what" I questioned 

"Like you don't matter he didn't even hug you before he left even after you told him why you were upset which he should know anyway dates like this are important for partners to remember" she said 

"I mean it's been a good few months he missed our Valentine's Day dinner he didn't wish me a happy birthday until like 5pm and we didn't do anything on our anniversary" I said finally thinking about how badly he's been treating me

"Girl he doesn't deserve you he's taking you for granted and you don't deserve that" one of the girls said 

"I hate to say this but you need to break up with him clearly he's given up on your relationship and now I might be wrong but wrong but it seems to me like he's found someone else" another said

They were right for months now I've been at the bottom of his priority list and he's nowhere near the Jude I used to know and love. There is no affection there anymore it's like the love we once had is gone. He also has definitely been distant and he's never home so there is a possibility that he could be cheating on me. That's a thought that I'd put in the back of my mind and didn't want to think about but now that someone else that has mentioned it I can't let the thought go. Whether he's cheating or not things definitely aren't how they used to be and I need to get out of this relationship before it's too late. The girls all offered their support and said I can stay with them for as long as I need which gave me the confidence to actually talk to Jude later today. 

When Jude arrived home all the girls left and they wished me good luck which I definitely need as I'm nervous to actually have this conversation even though it needs to be done. Jude went straight to get in the shower so I decided to look at his phone because he told me the password but I have never used it as I trusted him at least until now. It took just seconds of looking for me to find texts between him and this one girl who he had clearly been seeing for months now. He kept saying he would break up with me but the time wasn't right yet and that he wasn't in love with me anymore which hurt to see. I wanted to cry but I held back my tears and instead just sent myself screenshots of everything and then deleted the evidence so he wouldn't know that I knew. 

After his shower Jude took ages to come back downstairs but when he finally did he was looking at his phone and smiling it made me wonder if he was talking to her the girl he'd apparently fallen for. He quickly noticed me staring at him and he just stared back not having a clue what was going on. 

"Jude we need to talk" I said 

"Oh ok is everything alright?" He asked 

"I'm just gong to say it I know what you've been doing and don't lie to me I have screenshots I just want to know when you fell out of love and why you did this instead of just ending things" I said barely holding back tears 

"I don't know it all just happened I'm sorry I should've handled this better I didn't want to hurt you but clearly I haven't done a good job of that" he said 

"Yeah you really have hurt me I should've known when you forgot about our valentines reservations but I was foolish and believed that you were just busy now I know you were with another girl" I said 

"I'm sorry" he said 

"I don't believe you Jude if you were sorry you wouldn't have let this go on for so long it's safe to say we are over I wish you well but please don't try and contact me again I need to just move on" I said 

With that I gathered my things and just left. I left my key, the memories and what felt like half my heart but it had to be done I had to get out of there before I got hurt any more. It's time to move on and start a new life with people around me who truly care about me. 

~~~~~~~~~~

1 year later 

"Come on amor let's go" Carlos called from downstairs 

"Coming" I said running down the stairs 

"Oh wow you look gorgeous" Carlos said 

"Thank you you look good too" I said 

He kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand so we could head out to the car that was outside to pick us up. Just a few days ago Carlos won the French open so we are going out to celebrate. I met Carlos not long after I broke up with Jude I wasn't even looking to date but I just happened to meet him on a night out with my friends and we just clicked. He understood that I wasn't ready to date properly but he didn't give up on me so when I was ready we went on a date and the rest is history. My plan definitely wasn't to date another athlete in fact I wanted to just have a normal life and date a normal guy but I couldn't just let Carlos go and I'm glad I didn't. We have been together officially for 6 months now and they have been the best 6 months of my life he always treats me right and he makes it known how much he loves me. 

Carlos has a lot of friends in Madrid so he decided to come here and celebrate his win with me and my friends as well as his before he goes back home to be with his family. There wasn't really any time to prepare anything so we are all just meeting at a club in town that isn't just open to the public so there shouldn't be lots of people there. All our friends were already there when we arrived as we got caught in a bit of traffic but they didn't seem to mind our lateness they congratulated Carlos on his win and we all went inside. 

As we walked down the stairs all my friends turned to me at once and I wondered what was going on for a second until I saw what they had seen. Jude was right there along with a few of his teammates. I haven't seen him since our breakup which is somewhat of a miracle seeing as I still live and work in Madrid and he has become part of the city. I knew one day we'd meet again I was just hoping it wouldn't be in a day like today I don't want to be thinking about him or to talk to him while celebrating Carlos as tonight shouldn't be about me or my past relationship. Carlos knows everything that happened so once he saw Jude his hand reached for mine and he gave it a comforting squeeze which made me feel a little bit better. The thing is I don't miss Jude at all I'm so much happier now but what he did still hurts me so seeing him for the first time since is a bit painful. 

"We can go somewhere else if you want" Carlos said 

"No it's ok tonight is your night plus he shouldn't affect my life now that's the past you are my present and future" I said 

"Ok as long as you're sure but you are sticking by my side all night" he said 

Jude's POV

"Is that y/n?" Vini asked 

Him saying that caught my attention so I looked in the same direction as him and there she was with all her friends and a guy by her side. I recognised the guy as Carlos Alcaraz the tennis player who just won the French open and a the guy y/n has been dating for at least the last few months. I found that out when late at night after we lost a big game I stalked her Instagram and saw a photo of them together on her private account that she forgot to remove me from. Since that night I have kept an eye on her Instagram I usually check it at least once a week to see what she's been doing and how happy she is without me. 

Since the night that she broke up with me I regretted making all the dumb choices I made that led to that point. Within days I broke things off with the other girl I was seeing and I have been alone ever since I just can't bring myself to see anyone else because they aren't y/n. It sounds stupid because I'm the one that ruined everything I'm the reason she's with Carlos and not me but she was the one I just didn't realise how much I loved her until she was gone. My mum has always told me not to take things for granted as once they are gone you'll realise their true value and that's exactly what I did with y/n I didn't realise just how important she was to me until I made some stupid decisions and let her go. 

I watched her with Carlos for a while and she seemed genuinely happy which made me realise that she hadn't been that happy with me for a long while before we broke up. It was clear to see that she loved him and I could tell that he loved her too because he looked at her the way I did when we first got together. It hurt to see her so happy with someone else because I know I could've had that but now I won't get to share any moment like that with her ever again. I deserve everything that has come to me I made bad choices and as much as I regret them now it won't change anything. 

I have to let her go because for her to be happy I need to not be in her life as much as that hurts. They say if you love her let her go and that's what I need to do let the one go because as much as she might've been the one for me I'm not the one for her. 

[leidensygdom]

Just a bit of a personal thought, but I have grown to deeply dislike how social media, with its' competitive algorithm and need to have a perfect performance, is often giving people a really wrong idea of what is it actually to do art.

Most times, artists are rewarded by posting only their best work: A badly performing post in places like Instagram may affect how well your next post performs. It also prefers you to post finished pictures, very presentable sketches, that kind of stuff. Which is rarely the bulk of an artists' work. Even speedpaints have been chewed down into palatable videos barely reaching 15 seconds. Tiktok and Instagram reels prefer extremely short videos, and speedpaints are mostly just few (sparkles) aesthetic (sparkles) shots of minuscule parts of the process.

And all of that, I've found, gives people this really weird image of what is art actually like. A lot of starting artists grow to make idols out of bigger ones, thinking that these people can only create perfect pieces effortlessly, but that's not how it works. Very far from that. It's mostly that artists that keep active social media and have grown to know the game, know that showing the rough parts of art is not what gets you favoured by the algorithm.

I've been thinking about this ever since I saw a video on twitter of a fairly long speedpaint for what you usually see in social media, I think 4 minutes long, where the person redrew portions of the sketch up to five times. And a lot of people mentioned it was enlightening to see the struggle, to see that even a competent artist sometimes will struggle doing a little phone cord for an hour.

I think that's something I have kind of experienced, too. I'm not a big artist, but a lot of people have mentioned they find me intimidating still, up until they know me on Discord or something and realize I'm just a goof like any other. Up until I mention a face refused to work for 2 hours and I gave up, or how I randomly keep learning new basic functionalities in my drawing software of choice. And I think that's crucial to share too: Art is not a linear road! It isn't a smooth trip! You'll fail again and again and sometimes will end up going back to a previous point, then take another path. Sometimes you render a whole drawing and decide it looks bad so you start over. Sometimes you realize the lines came out wonky as hell and end up redoing it. Sometimes you gave a character 6 fingers or forgot people have eyebrows. It happens! And it's part of what making art is!

I mentioned this on Twitter- I rarely have visible proof of these struggles, but for an Artfight drawing (where I am trying to be speedy), I struggled with a cloak. For long. I made a thumbnail, I made a sketch, realized the cloak didn't work out, so I redrew it over and over again. I deleted most of the discarded sketches, but here's a few of the things that survived.

And like, I'm tired of not talking about this! I'm sad that people think they're failing because their art process isn't as smooth as it could be! So, yeah: I guess rant over, but I just have been thinking about this a bunch lately. If you'd like, do please feel free to reblog or share in replies any similar situations, struggles and flops. I think it could help people to realize how this is actually just a natural part of the process.

[whywhaatt]

"hey i'm bored" (isaacwhy x reader)

-

word count: 2.028

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, hand kink(kinda), degrading, light choking

a/n: this is my first fic😜 i didnt proof read it yet so hopefully i didn't misspell anything too badly

-

10 hours. 10 hours of sitting at this desk and playing on my computer. I've gone through almost every app or game that I have downloaded. I've checked every social media, watched the newest uploads of my friends, and I even read a random wikipedia article. It's around 2am now. I need to go to sleep. After turning off my computer, and taking my headset off and hanging it on the monitor, I walk towards my bed and grab my phone from my nightstand.

1:59 AM... god damn. I gotta fix my sleep schedule. Nahhh I know I won't. The lack of sleep is kicking in, it feels like 5 minutes go by of me just staring at my lock screen. Turns out it was just 30 seconds cus my phone automatically turned off. It takes me a minute to realize it, but the only reason I do is cus a notification pops up.

"wassup" - isaac💀

tf... it's 2am?!? Why is he texting me?

~

isaac: wassup

me: heyy

isaac: sorry it's late. im bored

me: bro i just laid down💀💀

isaac: can i come over? larry and tanner and annoying tf outa me rn

me: telling them you said that🗣️🗣️

isaac: bro pls. ion know if it's cus im tired but y'know how it is. i just need to get out of the house

me: yeah ion care, just let me know when you're here

isaac: bet

~

That was random, I guess Isaac's coming over now. He's been over before, but not like this. What if something happens? I'm probably just over thinking this. Am I shaved? Yeah, I'll be fine.

~

isaac: i'm here😜

isaac: weird emoji sorry

~

"Thanks for letting me come over, I needed to get out of the house" Isaac said, sitting down on my couch.

"Honestly, if I with all of those people I would have to leave all the time. So glad I live alone".

"Yeah well, I love them. It would be weird being away from them after this long of dealing with their shit." Isaac said, "So, what are we going to do"? I didn't think about that. I kinda just panicked for 10 minutes while he was driving here.

"I don't know, we could watch a movie or something?" I ask while tossing him the remote, "Move over, this isn't your apartment. I wanna sit". I sat down not too far away, but Isaac scutched closer and wrapped his free arm around me. His other hand had the remote in it, just scrolling through shit on Hulu.

"YO YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING CHAINSAW MAN"

"GOD ISAAC I HAVE NEIGHBORS"

"Oh shit sorry, I love Chainsaw Man. Have you seen me wearing that mask. I look so good in it man, look here I'll show you-". I had to cut him off.

"Isaac, I've seen the photo like 20 times. As much as I love how you look in it, I'm not looking at it again."

"Shut up and look at it" He holds my chin, forcing me to look at the picture on his phone. Damn. He is hot. I'm speechless. The fact his hand can easily grab my face like this, I wonder what else they can do. Looking up at him, my cheeks start to get hot a little bit. This eye contact is painful. I need this to go to more. My hand goes to the back of his neck, our faces slowly inching towards eachother. There's a pause, almost like we realized what is happening.

I close the distance. Just a light kiss, short and simple, but we both need more. Immediately, Isaac's hand pulls me in.

"God.. I-I need... you" I moan in between kisses. Isaac pulls back, and I whine at the loss of contact.

"What?"

"I can't tell if I'm just tired, but I need you so badly. Please Isaac." I am begging. BEGGING. For this man.

"You're so pathetic." He says right before kissing me again, this time more passionately, and his hand moving towards my neck. He squeezes softly, making sure it wasn't too much for me. I'm a moaning mess.

"Do you want to move to your bed?" Isaac questions before picking me up bridal style and carrying me towards my bedroom. My arms are wrapped around his neck while I'm looking up at him. I'm just looking at his eyes, he's so beautiful. He sets me down by the foot of me bed, so I'm standing with my arms around his neck. I always knew he was taller than me, but the height different is crazy. He looks twice my height, and he's still bending over to kiss me.

"Baby, go lay down. I'll take care of you". I almost moaned when I heard that. The things I would let this man do to me is insane, ever since I've met him the list has been getting longer and longer.

I'm laying down my bed, when suddenly my feet are pulled and my legs are dangling off the side. Isaac takes his sweet time pulling down my Nike shorts, teasing me slightly over my panties. I need him to hurry up and get straight to the point cus this is unbearable. Again, he slowly takes off my panties and just barely touches my pussy. The tiniest bit of contact makes me shiver and whine for more.

And like that, Isaac's eyes look up at me as he starts eating me out. He keeps looking and studying my every reaction until he gets the one he wants out of me. Remember when I asked what his hands could do? Well, I found out. As his tongue is focused on my clit, he slowly puts two fingers into my hole. I have to cover my mouth with my hand so I don't scream.

With his fingers thrusting in and out of me and his tongue working wonders on my clit, I know I won't last long like this. My eyes are stuck shut, with one hand over my mouth and the other holding his hair back. My thighs are practically crushing Isaac's head at this point.

"Isaac, I cant" I'm panting in between moans, "I'm so close". As I finish my sentence, everything stops. I whine and whimper, needing more stimulation.

Isaac moves from below my torso to standing at the foot of my bed. He slips his shirt over his head, leans down and puts me back into the spot I was before. Then continues to undress himself right before me. His body is gorgeous. I cant stop staring at him as he gets on top of me, kissing me softly. I can taste myself on his lips.

He breaks the kiss and slides my shirt over my head, exposing my chest. The cold air hit me all of a sudden, making me shiver for a little bit. It feels weird to be fully exposed to Isaac. The closest we've ever gotten to this is almost kissing on New Year's, but we both realized we've just had a little too much to drink and we backed off. I guess Isaac notices me thinking, cus he stops everything and looks down at me.

"Babe, you okay? You can tell me to stop at anytime, I want you to be comfortable" he says, it was the most serious he's sounded all night (well I guess morning). "We can stop if you'd like, I'm sorry I rushed all of this-"

"No keep going, I just got lost in my thought. Thank you for caring for me, Isaac." I pause my sentence to kiss his lips softly, "I'm having a good time". Isaac nodded and continued kissing my neck, leaving little marks every now and again. His hand creeped up, massaging my left breast, and his mouth making his way towards my right. When his tongue made contact with my nipple, I let out a slight moan and let my eyes close softly. My brain feels fuzzy, probably from the lack of sleep, but I love it. It feels like I'm high, but in the cringy "high on life" way.

"I have a condom in my nightstand" I blurt out, "but I'm on the pill so if you don't have anything you can go without it". His head perks up from my chest, looking almost as excited as a kid in a candy store.

"Really?" he asks excitedly. Yup, exactly like a kid. I nod my head yes and Isaac immediately moves to get himself into position. He lines himself up, looking up at me in my eyes, and slowly inserts himself into me. Both of our mouths fly open, releasing a string of moans and whines. Isaac was bigger than I expected, but he feels so good inside of me.

After a couple of second of staying still so I can get used to his size, Isaac starts to move. My hands move to hold on to Isaac's shoulders as he slowly moves in and out of me. I push his head down to kiss me to try and muffle my moans, but it barely does anything.

"Faster, please, please go faster" I beg, with our faces so close we're practically sharing breathes. His pace speeds up and my head relaxes back into the pillow. I can feel myself getting closer and closer by the second.

The room is filled with random moans or praises from either one of us, not being able to hear anything else. If Isaac didn't wake my neighbors earlier, then they're definitely awake now. Honestly, I could care less if I get a noise complaint.

"Isaac- Oh my- I'm- I'm getting close" I moan out between breathes. His hand moves from behind me to my neck, lightly choking me. My mouth flies open from the new pressure on my neck. Isaac, seeing the opportunity, takes over my mouth. Inserting his tongue and immediately dominates my mouth. I'm being so loud right now, and I don't care.

"Isaac, I'm about to- I'm 'bout to cum. Please Isaac. Oh my god please." I gasp out with the air I have.

"Do it. Cum for me, baby. You're so amazing" Isaac moans into my ear, loosening his grip on my neck a little. My nails digging so far into his back, they could leave scars. My head flies back, eyes rolling to the back of my head, and toes curl. A wave of pleasure rolls over my body as I cum with Isaac still going inside of me.

"Just a little bit more, baby, hold on for me. Please baby, you're doing so good for me." Isaac lets out as his hand lets go to steady himself on the bed, getting the pace back to how he needs it. While overstimulated, I try my best to hold tight for Isaac.

He's close. I can tell. Not too much longer, Isaac comes inside of me. All of his body weight crushed on top of me, feeling like a weighted blanket. A wave of praises came out of Isaac as he caught his breathe.

"Let's get you cleaned up"

-

After we took a very, very long and slow shower together, we laid down in bed together just cuddling.

"The house is asking where I'm at, Imma tell them I'm staying here for the night if thats okay with you" Isaac asks.

"Yeah, it's perfectly fine." I reply, "Random question, well two actually."

"Hit me."

"Okay so one: did you mean for this to end up like this? And was this technically a booty call or whatever?"

"Okay, first off I'm not liked that. But I realize it looks like it. Nah, I just wanted to hang out with you. It was just one of those late night and I'm bored situations"

"Okay, great, umm and two: what does this make us now?"

"Wow, umm.. hard question. I don't know. What do you want to be?"

"Maybe more than friends, I really like you Isaac." I confess, just staring into his eyes through the dark. He leans in and kisses me.

"Will you be with me?"

a/n: i hope you liked this:P my requests are currently open so make sure to leave some if you have any!!

[baedreamverse]

SERENITY: Schedule One

word count: 1354 SERENITY | next

synopsis: Who knew ‘We Got Married’ would bring back the heat for this upcoming season with an “ACE” couple, let alone a couple who ended terms with each other before their debut. Would their old flame spark once more or would they pass each other instead? With the exciting news starring Lee Heeseung from ENHYPEN and Choi Areum from SERENITY, would the old lovebirds be able to show us their profound partnership through challenging missions under one roof?

[Ari POV]

"Congratulations ladies! You did amazing out there," Yui exclaims as we enter our dressing room, the stylists surprising us with confetti thrown into the air. We grin triumphantly, it was our fifth win for our comeback promotion 'Eyes On Me' from our tenth album ‘Yours Truly’. All those sleepless nights of producing the songs while on tour were definitely worthwhile seeing our fans enjoy our music. It’s always fun having to interact with them during pre-recording as they show us their undying love and support.

Jaemi, our leader, raises the trophy excitedly waving it in the air, "Our hard work is paying off! You know what calls for tonight~"

"Sleeping in?" I joke half-heartedly, earning a 'are you for real' look from Lihua. "What? I just miss my bed." I continue to pout.

“Anyways,” Hyejin continued, dismissing my joke as she shook her head, “Why don’t we celebrate by eating good tonight with delivery?”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’ve been craving fried chicken these past few days,” Lihua gestures to her stomach, rubbing it in circles. "We should also add tteokbokki and ramen to the order."

“Should we also go on Weverse for a bit?” I suggest, earning a nod of approval from our leader.

“We should, especially since we won an award today,” she said, “I’m sure they’d enjoy that. We can go on while we wait for delivery.”

"Since your promotions will be ending next week, I'll have the company request a short break for you girls soon after the scheduled activities. You've worked hard for the past year during the world tour. It's about time you deserve a break," Yui announces, quickly taking note of it on her phone. However, I doubt the company will even acknowledge how overworked we have been since the tour. Our fans, Aurora, have been active on social media platforms regarding the demand for a vacation to our company. I've noticed how tired my members are despite the facade we display for our audience. I'm worried that it will become too late and the public will be outraged by the company's neglect. I sigh, eventually, our voices will be heard before anything serious happens.

"Hopefully we'll be able to go somewhere with no cameras," Lihua said while removing her in-ear pieces, setting her mic down in its case. "I still need to go to Monaco from my bucket list. I need to see Lando at least once in my lifetime."

"Honestly, I doubt that. We've been the hot topics for news articles since last year," Hyejin states, quickly dismissing our hopes of privacy. "Especially since all eyes are on us during promotions."

"If only these paparazzi could leave us alone, we'd get a sense of peace of mind," I interject, my hair stylist quickly adjusts my hair for our photo to be taken soon for our twitter page.

"Maybe one day there will be world peace," Jaemi counters with a shrug. "Should we head out soon to take our photos?"

"Whoever is done touching up can take their solo selfies first," Yui announces, "We do have a dance challenge with a few groups today."

"Alright, I'm taking off first then," Lihua raises from her seat, quickly taking her phone and trophy in hand, with quick snaps on the camera roll with a variety of different angles and poses.

"I'll favorite the ones I like," Jaemi announced as it was her turn to take photos with the trophy.

"Which groups are we doing the dance challenge with again?" I ask, tilting my phone upwards with the trophy by my face. I smiled, quickly giving different types of facial expressions on camera.

"We'll be with Stray Kids and SEVENTEEN today," Hyejin answers before taking photos of herself.

"Ohh, that means Lihua gets to be with her boyfriend~" Jaemi teases as she nudges by her side.

Lihua shakes her head with a smile, "Don't get me started with you now."

Jaemi laughs, her brows raised in response, "I'm just saying, I'm glad that our fandoms were happy for you and Mingyu. Shoot, I was scared when the company officially announced your relationship with Mingyu."

"Oh shush, don't remind me. We were both in a pickle at the time," with a groan, Lihua pinches Jaemi on her side. "Knowing our fandoms, they're very respectful and considerate to us."

About six months ago before our world tour began, Mingyu and Lihua were caught by paparazzi during one of their late-night dates which caused a stir in the industry. Not long after the release of their article scandal, causing distress to some netizens regarding their relationship status, our company made an official announcement confirming their relationship to the world and that they’ve been an item for over a year. Of course, not everyone was pleased to hear the exciting news from the agency, but that didn’t stop the couple from showing their affection for one another, which quickly gained massive support from both fandoms and non-fans. Now, they’re known as the “VISUAL CHEFZ” couple, earning the nickname from their fandoms.

"Alright ladies, let's take the group photo now," Yui interjects their banter, catching our divided attention to our manager. "Go out the halls and take the photos by the stairs. Let's go."

"Yes ma'am," we all say in unison, walking out of our room together.

***

"Thanks for your hard work," the girls, Lihua and Hyejin, bow towards Mingyu and Soonyoung after quickly finishing the dance challenge for each other's promotions with the approval nod of our manager.

“Congratulations again on winning!” Mingyu grinned sheepishly, opening his arms for Lihua, which she returned with a hug. If this man isn’t the most obvious person on earth, he is so love-struck for Lihua. I chuckle at his demeanor towards her. It’s so cute looking at their interactions.

Do you want to know the story of how it all started for the couple? I'd say it was all due to us playing Cupid, by 'us' I mean Soonyoung and I. We became close after doing a couple of dance challenges together, with him quickly adding me to one of his group chats with other dancers.

I was shocked to see a text message from him one day, asking me about Lihua, which I assumed Soonyoung wanted to be more than just friends. Turns out it was actually Mingyu who wanted to get close to her.

From passing each other through the company hallways to doing dance challenges together, Mingyu finally received the courage to ask Lihua for her phone number.

I look towards Soonyoung who also glanced towards me with his eyebrows raised, a playful glint in his eyes. "Oh boy," I muttered under my breath, "Here comes trouble." Soonyoung tilted his head toward the couple who was too busy in their own world to acknowledge his presence as he slowly crept up to them, or rather Mingyu specifically. Soonyoung bumps into Mingyu from behind, sending him to corner Lihua on the wall with his arms trapping her in between. She looks up with a surprised look as Mingyu briefly apologizes to her with a quick kiss on the cheek, quickly chasing down a mischievous hamster down the halls. Ah, I can’t wait to relax and finally be in bed.

***

[SERENITY Dorm]

"Wait a minute," I say, trying to digest the announcement coming from my manager Yui, "So, what you're trying to say is that the reality show I'm selected for is We Got Married."

I stood up from my couch in disbelief, "You're kidding with me right?" I say, my eyes pleading for Yui to say it was a prank. My streak of not getting into a dating scandal quickly crumbles down the drain. Knowing how dispatch and the netizens react, they'll automatically assume one of us is in a relationship or spread rumors like usual. "I can't get out of this can I?"

"Oh honey, I wish it was. The director personally chose you as the next star to go on." Yui states, giving me an apologetic look. "You'll have to sign the contract tomorrow first thing at the company. The director will have a brief meeting with you in the morning." Ah, I wish I was in Monaco instead of being here.

a/n: first chapter is here~ i hope you enjoy and look forward to this smau series 🥹

pls like, comment & reblog ♡

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

More Often

Earth 42!Miles Morales x fem!reader 

Earth 42!Miles Morales x black!reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Mentions of water guns and mentions of jellyfish

Requested: yes 

@raeraypoca:That's perfect smanks! So basically all I would like is what happens on the road trip over there, stopping at gas station, what happens when we get to the Airbnb, what happens at the beach, classic "we gotta share a room?

Ughh" E, when we're left alone some heavy fluffy flirting only if your comfortable. I know miles is 15 l'm 14 so you really don't have to if you don't want to. A trip Possibly somewhere in Florida? 

A/N: Life has been crazy lately but I did enjoy my social media detox, I wanted to get this out sooner but I got into a car accident on Friday and I was supposed to hang out with this girl I've been talking to today but I had no car and I look crazy but, this is here now so that's all that matters.

Masterlist

“Be good,” Mrs. Morales warned. 

“I will,” Miles ceded. 

She looked him in his eyes in suspicion. 

“I promise,” 

She smiled “Okay come give me a kiss,” 

He kissed and hugged his mother goodbye before putting his suitcase in the trunk. He rounded the car to your side pulling the door open

“Go on the other side,” You didn’t even look up from your phone. 

“Scoot over,” He shoved your shoulder. 

“14 hours of this?” You rolled your eyes. 

“You love me,” He teased as you slid into the other seat to make room. 

Your older brother was going on a college visit up in Florida so your mom decided to make a family trip out of it. Of course, she invited Miles seeing as he was practically family. And who was he to say no to Mrs. Y/L/N?

After only 4 stops and one-half a night at a hotel, you’d finally made it to Destin. 

Your mom parked the car in between two brick-and-mortar shops on the uneven beach town roads. 

You immediately popped the door open hoping out to stretch your legs. Your brother got stuck with the pleasure of having to “watch” you and Miles on the Harborwalk Village pier, while your parents went sightseeing. He told you not to go too far before heading off on his own. 

“Look!” You pointed at a carnival game booth run by a tired and probably only a few years older than you teenager who certainly didn’t get paid enough. There at the top of a booth hung a very large dog stuffed animal with light blue fur and a purple collar.  

You tugged Miles along with you beaming at the boy. He coughed up the 5 dollars required for the both of you to get to fill balloon clowns' heads with water guns.  

On an unenthusiastic count of 3, you aimed your gun at the first clown’s mouth and pulled the trigger. 

Powered by your competitive spirit you quickly overtook Miles in the vanquishing of the clowns. His water gun consistently jamming was cause for frustration and his loss. 

“Game was rigged,” He informed you. 

“Okay, Trump. You’re only saying that ’cause I won” You clutched your stuffed dog winnings. 

“‘M saying that cause it’s true,” 

“I’m saying that ‘cause it’s true,” You mocked him in a high-pitched voice sticking your tongue out. “What are we gonna name our son?” 

“He is not my son,” 

You gasped, shifting the dog to cover his floppy ears with both hands. “Don’t say that in front of him!” 

Completely ignoring him you turned away from Miles to cradle the stuffed animal. “I’m sorry Miles Jr. I don’t know what’s gotten into your dad today. He doesn’t mean it,” 

You handed the toy to Miles telling him to apologize. He glared at you for the name before mumbling a half-hearted sorry to the dog. 

He couldn’t believe he actually liked you enough to apologize to a stuffed animal named after him. 

“Thank you,” You smiled before spotting a sandwich shop a little way down the boardwalk. 

“C’mon Miles, Junior,” 

“Why are you making me hold this thing?” He complained, glancing around at the other passersby on the pier. 

“He is not a thing.” You readjusted Junior in Miles’s arms to be cradled like a baby. 

You continued walking down to Say Cheese situated at the end of the boardwalk occasionally glancing back to make sure Miles was still holding the stuffed animal the way you gave it to him. 

——————

“Stop!” You complained, shielding your sandwich from the onslaught of sand coming your way. 

Miles kept shoveling sand at you with both hands. “C’mon let’s go make a castle.”

“Let me eat,”

“How are you still hungry with all the snacks you ate in the car?”

“You ate all the chips,” You retaliated with a swoop of sand sent his way. “I only ate like two”

“Yeah, two whole bags,” 

“Shut up,” You reached your hand out to be pulled up from the ground. 

Back on your feet as you made the trek down shore you leaned into his side. You hissed when you stepped on a sideways seashell. 

He came to a stop jolting you back with him. 

“You alright? Was it a jellyfish?”

You drew up your face at that. “Why would there be a jellyfish all the way back here?” 

“You could’ve just said you’re fine,” 

“Okay sorry I’m fine, c’mon,” You tugged his arm with you. 

Finding a good spot between the water and shore you dropped down to form your sand castle. 

You waited until Miles joined you on the ground to scoop the viscous textured sand into your hands and stack towers of the sand on top of Miles’s. 

When you turned to find seashells to top off your pillars Miles knocked over half the castle. 

“Miles!” You shrieked pushing him down. 

He pulled you down with him, laughing at you. You couldn’t suppress your giggles as you wrestled with Miles in the sand. 

You were ready to pummel him with sand when you heard your mother call out for you. 

“Y/N! Miles! We’re leaving!”  

After racing and losing against Miles back to the rental car your mom turned you around. “Uh uh get that sand off you,” 

You rolled your eyes heading for the showers to rinse off.  

After cleansing the dusting the sand off yourself, in no time you were knocked out in the backseat of the car. 

You woke up past the sunset to a quick flash. 

You whined seeing your mother with her phone in your face from the passenger seat. 

You were entangled with Miles who was somehow still asleep. You shook him awake before getting out of the car yourself.  

—————

When you found out you’d be staying in the same room 

You jokingly complained, “He snores like he has 5 kids and works 2 jobs?”

“Be nice,” Your mother chastised. “He’s our guest,” 

“Yeah, be nice,” He teased.  

You punched him in the shoulder before lugging your suitcase out of the trunk. 

As you reached back in the trunk to grab your duffle bag, Miles grabbed the handle of your suitcase. 

“How many bags did you bring?” He questioned. 

“I can carry them, then,” You stressed. 

“No,” He grabbed your other bag. “I got it,” 

“Alright,” You slammed the trunk down before following Miles up the front steps of the AirBnB. 

——————

“Do you think-” You heard through the darkness. 

“Oh my God! No. Don’t say anything, go to sleep,” 

This wasn’t the first sleepover you had with Miles and it wouldn’t be the last, and almost every time without fail he would start spouting nonsense once the clock hit the AMs. 

“I was just gonna say what if dogs have existential crises?”

“How would I know that?” 

He shrugged despite it being only light enough for you to see his general silhouette. 

The exact moment you flipped back over to try to sleep, Miles interrupted you again. 

“Wanna watch The Road to El Dorado with me?”

Knowing you weren’t going to be able to fall asleep now, you loudly sighed before agreeing and sitting up against the headboard. 

He unplugged his phone from the bedside table resting between the beds, before getting up. 

You pulled the comforter back to give him space to climb in next to you. 

He grabbed Junior moving to put him on the floor. 

“No, don't put him on the ground,” You whined. 

“He’s staring at me,” 

You strained to lean over Miles and pick the toy back off the ground. You put the stuffed animal back on the bed so you were sandwiched between it and Miles. 

Then sidled up to Miles’s arm leaning on his shoulder. 

Not even five minutes into the movie, he felt you aggressively yawn, before burying your face in his shoulder. 

Soon your breathing evened out and when he glanced over you were asleep. 

He smiled to himself before pausing the movie at the barrel jump scene, moving so you were lying down. 

He put your phone on the charger and ensured you were tucked in before placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“Good night,” He whispered before lying down himself, ready to hang out with you more in the morning. 

©guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom

[gavisuntiedboot]

Blue raspberry (Gavi x Reader)

28 day writing prompt challenge - prompts are here

Day 11: Late night McDonald's run

Warning: mentions/ alluding to eating disorders! Mentions of being scared to eat certain foods! If you're not comfortable please don't read!

"Pablo, I'm here, but they won't let me come into the parking lot because they don't recognize my car, so you're going to need to come up to."

"I'm walking up to you right now. Pull over to the side."

You moved your car from in front of the barrier to wait as close as possible on the side of the road. Despite the fact that it was 9:15pm, there were still about a dozen fans waiting to see the players emerge, hoping to get photos and autographs. You saw Gavi's hooded figure emerge, and he looked for your car. You flashed your lights to notify him where you were, but you notified the fans as well. They ran over and swarmed him, making it almost impossible to get to you. He took a few pictures and signed a few shirts before security intervened, separating him from his loyal supporters.

He got into your car and threw his backpack over his shoulder into the back seat, sighing and sinking into the seat. There was a path for you drive between the fans, and so you left Camp Nou and the flashes of iPhones behind you.

"Great. Now my Ford is going to be all over Twitter. People will want to get pictures with Gavi's chauffer. I'll never have a moment of peace."

He let out a tired laugh and pulled his hood down, finally relaxing as you hit the road.

"First of all, you already stick out for driving this obnoxiously American car in the middle of Spain. And second, why didn't you just tell security you were here to pick me up?"

"Gavi, can you imagine if security just let random girls in if they said they were there to see you? You would have been kidnapped a long time ago."

You rarely ever picked up Gavi. Your relationship was still relatively new, and he didn't want you to be hounded by the press and by people on social media making unfounded and nasty comments. Plus, he usually had a ride. He often arrived and left with Pedri, who was all too happy to have some company on his way to work in the mornings. If not Pedri, then another member of the squad (or even a member of staff) was always happy to make sure he got to and from practice safely (and didn't get snatched by a random fan).

But today, he was just in the worst mindset. It was freezing in Barcelona, and he hated to practice in the cold. As usual, he was slipping and sliding around the field, even more than usual due to the rain of the previous night. He was cold and wet, and he was being constantly critiqued by the coaching staff because he was just not in top form today. To make matters worse, he was starving. He had been following Robert's "healthy diet" advice, but sometimes he got so fixated on not eating the wrong thing that he just forgot to eat altogether. He had finished some weight training and was ready to hit the shower and go home when he got the news from Pedri.

"The Adidas reps are coming over to get me fitted for some new boots. I wont be leaving until 10:30."

Gavi almost cried at the news that he was going to be held at the Camp so late. He was exhausted. He was cold. He wanted to see his girlfriend. And so he swallowed his pride and called you, asking you to rev up the gas-guzzler and pick him up, even if it meant being photographed together.

"Mi corazón, are you okay? You're giving off more distressed vibes than usual."

"Honestly, I don't know," he replied, turning to look at you. "I've just been feeling drained and down. Everything is irritating me and I just want to sit in bed and do nothing."

A moment of silence passed. You didn't know what to say. You understood how Pablo felt: it was hard living up to so much pressure and expectations, and even if it wasn't full-blown depression, it was enough to make you worried. You didn't want these feelings to start interfering with his day-to-day, because you knew that would just make him feel worse. You weren't a therapist, but you wanted to do whatever you could to provide him with a little bit of comfort.

"... do you want to go to McDonald's?"

"What?" He said, looking over at you with his eyebrows stitched together in confusion, like you had asked the question in a different language.

"Well I mean when I've had a shit day I usually find myself in the McDonald's drive-thru. Nothing makes me feel as good as a 9-piece nugget meal and an Oreo McFlurry. But if you just want to go home I can just take you home."

"I... don't even remember the last time I went to McDonald's."

"Are you being serious?"

"Yeah. I eat a lot at the club and have my macros tracked by the nutritionists there. And then usually I'm with the boys and Eric or someone else cooks. And I don't have a car, so it prevents me from coming here for a McChicken whenever I want."

You drove for a few more minutes before turning into the drive through.

"Welcome to McDonald's what can I get for you?"

You placed your order, going a little overboard and getting everything that looked somewhat appealing. You turned to Gavi.

"What do you want?"

"All that food was for you?!"

"Quickly."

"Um... maybe I just get a small fries. I don't want to ruin all the work I've done by pigging out."

You looked at Gavi with wide eyes. It was dawning on you how much he was actually worried about his eating habits for fear of being ridiculed by the club.

"For him can I get a large McChicken meal with a blue raspberry slushie and- M&Ms or Oreo?"

"What?"

"Hurry up Pablo or we'll be here all night. M&Ms or Oreo?"

"But I- fine. Oreo."

"And an Oreo McFlurry. That's all"

You left the speaker, waiting in line to pay, and you looked over at Pablo, whos cheeks were bright red. He was looking directly in front of him, avoiding eye contact with you.

"What's wrong Pablito? You just said you liked McChickens."

"I do amor, that's not the problem." He said, looking at you. You took his hand in yours and laced your fingers together.

"It's just been a long time since I let myself eat this kind of stuff. And I mean I know that one time will be fine but I just... I don't know how to not feel guilty for having fried food for the first time in like a year."

You brought his hand up to your lips and kissed it gently, rubbing the back of it with your thumb.

"Pablo, you guys just won the Spanish Supercup less than a month ago - and you were in top form might I add. I know it's hard to let yourself have simple pleasures, but you deserve to have things that make you happy every now and then. And plus, this meal is probably better for you than two beers."

He smiled widely, leaning over to give you a gentle kiss. You reciprocated, enjoying the feeling of his soft lips against yours until the car behind you honked, causing you both to swiftly pull away.

You moved to the window, pulling out your wallet to pay.

"Corazón, you don't have to pay for the food. I can get it."

"Oh my God Pablo Gavi?"

He had forgotten to pull his hood up, and now the man at the window looked ready to faint. Pablo panicked. He did not want to be photographed in this moment.

"Why don't you get something for him to sign for you?" You asked sweetly, and Gavi squeezed your arm, greatful for your quick thinking. The employee ran off to find something for Gavi to sign.

"I think my card fell in my bag. Pablito, can you open up my McDonald's app on my phone so I can get the reward points?"

The employee returned, hands shaking as he handed you a shirt and a Sharpie for Gavi. The app lit up Gavi's face and just before he gave you the phone, his eyes got wide.

"Bebe, why do you have 7,000 McDonald's points."

".... I'm sad often. Hurry up and sign the shirt."

You got your food and drove back to Pablo's house.

"It's your obligation as a passenger to eat fries out of the bag while they are hot, and occasionally feed some to me." You said playfully. He smirked at you, grabbing some fries and taking a bite.

"Fuck."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just forgot how good fat and salt are."

At Pablo's house, he tried to set the food on the table, but you stopped him, grabbing the bag and skipping over to the couch. You set the food out on the coffee table and dimmed the lights.

"Why do the lights have to be off for us to eat?" Pablo asked, sitting on the couch and putting one arm around you, pulling you close.

"Because it's more freeing. Don't look and hyper-analyze what you're eating, Pablo. Just eat until you're full."

You unwrapped the burger and handed it to Pablo, following quickly with your own food. You put on an episode of your favorite show, and you two just sat and ate and cuddled. After 5 or 6 episodes, the food was cleared, and you and Pablo had situated yourselves on the couch. He was laying in your arms, and you alternated between eating ice cream yourself and feeding him spoonfuls.

"Bebe, I have a question?"

"Yes mi amor?"

"How did you know I was going to like blue raspberry?"

"Because you have the taste buds of a 5 year old, just like me. Why? Did you like it?"

"I loved it. I'm going to go and buy myself one every time I score a goal."

"Can I get in on this deal? I also like slushies."

"Of course mi corazón. How else am I going to get to the McDonald's? You'll be driving."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hey y'all! Hope you enjoyed this one. Inspired by my own late night McDonald's run (which actually tragically ended w me spilling half the food on the floor). If you haven't had a blue raspberry slushie from McDonald's (and it's available where you are) go get one. I have met so many athletes who have this mentality around fast food, and so I wanted to give a little bit of a different perspective. Anyways, I've really been enjoying this prompt challenge. I hope you are too. Please leave any comments or feedback here or in my asks, and see y'all later!

[theninjamouse]

Now that I've officially cut ties, I can share some of the nonsense I've been dealing with regarding the camp I spent the last 3 years working with. This is gonna be long, bear with me.

I'm a freelance media producer. The last 3 years I've worked at this camp as the all around media guy, pictures, video, all that for roughly 6 weeks during the summer. From the beginning, the communication at this place was horrendous. I never knew where things were happening, I was never informed if the kids suddenly changed location, I was forced to walk around with all my gear and in that new York summer heat was unbearable.

But I learned the workings. And the last 2 years I was in charge of all media. So at the very least, I controlled what I deemed to be important. And I have an insanely high work ethic. One of the things I brought to the table was not only dashing around getting pictures of their massive sports day event, I filmed and put together a video of the day to present by the winner announcement that same night. This meant I only had about 3 hours to edit a 3-4 minute video, one that was GOOD. And it was good! Always! Because I am proud of my work and strive to keep that quality. All the time, people gushed over how good my pictures were.

But at the same time, I always ALWAYS felt like an outsider. Because I was still kept in the dark about most things. I had just learned enough to guess what was going on, and usually, I was right.

This last summer, it felt like I was finally starting to be fully acknowledged and welcomed. And even better! I was offered a year round position doing their social media. For a freelancer, that offer is gold. It wouldn't be enough to live on, but it would be more than enough to help me through the slower months.

So I said, cool let's make a contract, a plan. Let's get this going

"Later," I was told.

Later, I said, "Are we ready now?"

"Oh for sure, we'll talk soon."

The last 2 weeks of camp, I tried every single day to talk about the plan. The director was never in his office. But when I requested a meeting, he would always say it wasn't needed, I could come by anytime.

But every time I did, he was never there.

Camp ended. It was a welcome break. So I took that break, then reached out.

Again, brushed off. Later, I was told.

I trusted that it would happen. After all, I have the pictures. I have the knowhow. I was promised. These people value me. Need me.

Brushing off turned to flat-out ghosting. And all the while, I watched their social media page update every other day with MY work, work that while good, was unpolished. After all, if I have to upload at minimum 200 pictures a day during camp, of course I'm not going to edit each one. They don't need it for the parents to view.

But the socials? A little adjustment to the highlights, bumping up contrast would have turned them into absolute gold. Whoever was doing my job didn't edit a single image. Each post was another slap to the face

In the world of freelance, especially media, it takes time to secure work. Talks have to happen, contracts made and hours put in. If an opportunity for a project slips by, there is no guarantee that another will be around the corner.

I was stupid. I believed that this position with these people I've worked with for 3 years would come through. So I didn't do my usual mad scramble to find any work I could to last me the fall and winter months. Because, well, I had found one, right? With that, added to my real estate shoots, the odd dance comp here and there until the rush in January, I would be just fine.

Instead. It's been one dance comp. No real estate shoots since September. And not a single word from camp. And by the time I realized that I had been simply replaced, it was too late to find any of the more solid falltime gigs.

I'm tired. I'm so tired of working so hard and proving time and time again that I produce good work only to have the rug violently yanked from under my feet. I've been doing food delivery just to survive. And that sucks. This isn't what I want to do. I want to create, I want to tell stories with my words and my pictures and my videos.

But the world has shown time and time again that it doesn't care about one little photographer. Why pay a professional when phones are 'just as good'. Why display even a little curtesy and tell this person we promised a job to that we went with someone else because we don't want to pay the professional when we can just have any old Joe post the pictures said professional did?

I told them I was done. I'm not returning to camp next year. I can't do it anymore. And it freaking hurts.

Even this other massive project I have in the works has been heartbreak. Because they have taken two months to even begin to talk about actually getting started. And instead of being paid up front, like most grants are, I have been told that the expectation is a reimbursement system. That won't be accepted until March 2025. I've begged to at the very least work on a monthly invoice system. But I can't submit anything until the training of the system happens.

It was supposed to happen yesterday. And I have been left waiting with no answers since last week.

So. That's where I'm at. At the very least I will be flying home next week and I can get some hours in doing aid work for my brothers. But that is also the main source of work for my mom and my sibling. The hours and funding of the aid program are limited. I can't take it away from them, not when it's my own stupid fault for hoping that things would actually work out for me this time.

I can't do a normal 9-5. I have tried. It nearly killed me. I have conditions that make work like that nearly impossible to bear.

I'm so tired. I'll keep going, because I have to.

But I really, really don't want to anymore

[gracies-baby]

a simple story about y/n and gracie spending a weekend together in a cabin by nature? so waking up together and gracie reading poetry outside by the porch and then y/n making breakfast and just a slow, lazy day between the two girls, yet very domestic and loving?

Cabin Weekend

(Gracie Abrams x Reader)

——————————————————————————

Gracie wakes to the feeling of the sun shining through the window. She groans, covering her eyes before she hears soft breathing coming from beside her. The brunette smiles softly when she sees the sight of her sleeping girlfriend. She stares, smiling at the girl for a few minutes before she is interrupted.

"Are you watching me sleep?" Y/n asks, not opening her eyes.

"No, I'm just appreciating your beauty. It's been a while since I've been able to just stay in bed with you. I usually have to go as soon as I wake up" Gracie replies with a soft smile before her girlfriend lays her head on her chest.

"That's because you're a workaholic" Y/n teases, sighing softly when the brunette begins to scratch her head.

"I'm sorry, would you rather I put out less music?" Gracie replies with a tired smirk.

"No, how would the world know how in love with me you are?"

"Well, if they've looked at any of my social media then I'm sure they already know. The songs are just more proof" Y/n giggles at her girlfriend before lifting her head, pressing a soft kiss against the brunette's mouth before pulling away.

"Good morning" Y/n smiles as Gracie pushes their foreheads together.

"Morning. So, what do you wanna do today?" Gracie asks as she lays back down on the bed, pulling her girlfriend on top of her.

"Well, we've got a whole weekend up here. We can do anything we want. How about I go make breakfast and you can have your much deserved break?" Y/n replies, pressing soft kisses all over her girlfriend's face causing her to sigh.

"Yeah, sounds perfect" The brunette replies, letting go of her girlfriend so she can go to the kitchen. Y/n stands up after pressing one more soft kiss against her girlfriend's lips. Gracie stands u a few minutes later, grabbing her poetry book before walking to the porch, sitting on one of the chairs facing the lake. She reads her book while listening to her girlfriend hum some songs as she makes breakfast before smiling to herself and closing her eyes, accidentally falling asleep.

"Gracie? Babe, wake up. Breakfasts ready" The brunette slowly opens her eyes after hearing a soft voice in her ear. She smiles seeing her girlfriend standing next to her, holding two plates in her hands.

"Sorry, guess I was more tired than I thought" Gracie apologizes as she takes one of the plates, allowing the shorter girl to take a seat in the chair next to her.

"That's okay. You've been working so hard lately. You deserve the extra sleep" 

"Well, I don't think either of us got any sleep last night" Gracie smirks at the shorter girl causing her to blush.

"If you play your cards right, maybe it'll happen again tonight" Y/n replies with a cheeky grin. Gracie gets an excited smile on her face causing her girlfriend to chuckle before finishing her breakfast.

"Gracie! Look!" Y/n exclaims, pointing at a small bunny hopping on the grass by the lake.

"Aww, where do you think it's parents are?"

"I dunno. Can we keep it?" Y/n asks with pleading eyes.

"No, we already have Weenie. We don't need a rabbit" Gracie replies, finishing her breakfast before taking the plates back to the kitchen, going back to her seat outside when she was done.

"But rabbits are so cute! Imagine having a little bunny running around the house. Weenie would love it" Y/n tells her girlfriend causing her to laugh.

"Yeah, Weenie would love it! Weenie would see it as a little hoppy snack" Gracie replies causing Y/n to gasp.

"Why would you say that?! Why would you put that image in my head?!" Y/n exclaims glaring at her girlfriend.

"Because he would! I always get him rabbit treats. He loves them" Gracie tells her with a laugh.

"Weenie's too sweet to eat an alive rabbit. How dare you paint him as a villain" Y/n glares at her girlfriend causing Gracie to chuckle before looking in the direction that the rabbit was.

"Babe, the rabbits gone now anyway. It's not gonna get eaten. It probably went back to its family" Gracie tells her only to receive no reply.

"Y/n, you're not really mad at me, are you?" Gracie sighs when her girlfriend still ignores her.

"C'mon babe. He's a dog, of course he would want to eat a rabbit. That doesn't mean he's going to. He won't get a chance to. If he ever gets near a rabbit, I promise I won't let me hurt it, okay?" Gracie murmurs in the other girl's ear as she rubs her shoulder, pressing soft kisses against her neck. Y/n shivers at the touch causing the brunette to smirk against her neck.

"Good thing we're in the middle of nowhere. Can't have anyone seeing you being such a good girl for me, can we?" Gracie smirks when she hears her girlfriend let out a soft sigh before being confused when Y/n pushes her away.

"I said tonight, remember? We don't wanna spend the whole weekend in bed, do we?" Y/n tells the brunette with a smirk causing Gracie to sigh.

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

Sometimes I see those posts from art accounts that have like really put together, only art posts and I feel tempted to delete all personal posts off my blog

And this thought today led me down a long thought path. Which was primarily, I don't....particularly like my personal vent posts on here. I mean they're not there to be liked, they're there to help me process things but... I also don't like to look back on them.

I mean writing on here is meant to be like a journal right? Journals are there to help through the act of writing, not the end result, though the end result can be helpful in a self reflective sense occasionally but for the most part it's about the process.

And then I realised... I've had one of the worst times of my life lately, and not once did venting or the thought of venting do anything to help it. For a lot of reasons, because I... couldn't voice it, because it would be another thing to obsess over, because I can't be as honest and true and personal as I would be in a literal journal because... I'm still posting things on the internet. And yeah it's Tumblr, it's a black hole, but it's still strangers on the internet reading my thoughts so.... I can't go too deep.

I've hit this point where I was trying to... go halfway, like keep it as this fun cutesy blog but then have some halfway personal venting posts. In the end, I just feel kind of dissatisfied because I'm not being fully honest, or if I am it feels so out of place with everything else.

And yeah it's a Tumblr blog it's not meant to be that serious, that helps, I like thinking of Tumblr like a commonplace notebook I keep just online. But.... the halfway personal/vent things, they feel disingenuous and out of place because they're... so unfinished, so calculated. Forced sometimes. There's this pressure I feel on myself, that I'm putting on myself. That pressure gets stronger to do the cute or fun posts if I've done a vent post, or to make the vent post.... I don't know, good, palatable, refined. I can't think of the right word but... something not spontaneous and genuine.

I think a lot about why I started this blog... it was ages ago around 2020 and because I had this idea in my head of, I don't know, being this spectacular writer and journalist writing really cool think pieces and changing the world, or at least the people who interact with my blog. Then it just, became like a commonplace notebook and that was fun, some curated posts to sort of fit the vibe I wanted, but personal.

Messy, messy is how it's gotten, and messy is fine in a journal, I might cringe looking back at old journals but there's a little fondness too, it's like meeting my past selves and being able to hold all the memories and emotions. But online is messy because... personal, and I need to be a little guarded, I can't be free, and I guess it sort of messes with when I want to have more light, cheery things on my blog. Or rather, it takes me away from spending time reading, or sewing or drawing and painting or any of the other hobbies I love that I can make cute and fun posts about. It takes me away from the time I want to spend on religion too, on reading Qur'aan and learning and memorising it, listening to and learning from lectures.

This leads into another thought which is... if the venting itself is not free, and it doesn't quite help my mental state, then it's just time wasted on something empty instead of another coping mechanism, one of the hobbies mentioned above, which could help me a lot. I'm realising that it's just an added pressure, and a really unnecessary one that often makes my head spin.

I think overstimulation probably adds to it too, social media scrolling is easy to do in bad moments because you're frozen, so you may as well scroll. It kind of feeds into the worst of it. I've been meaning to take a bit more of a step away from social media anyway, I wouldn't say I'm addicted but I definitely don't like the feeling I get when I'm in a freeze state or I'm tired and I scroll instead of spending time on a hobby.

Honestly I've been thinking a lot about the time I spend on things I enjoy, and it's not that Tumblr isn't a hobby but I preferred how I used it before; a record of all my interests. I liked it when I spent most of my time on my hobbies, and I just realised that it's been a while since I've done that, because poor mental health and extra work and studies... I feel like social media is the equivalent of eating a bag of crisps for dinner instead of a proper meal. Like sometimes you really don't have the energy and capability to do it, to cook something nice for yourself.

But I've learnt I gotta got that extra mile to cook a nice meal for myself ^_^ It gives me something to look forward to at the end of the day, or the beginning, it actually feels fun to do even if it feels like a big task to start, and it is good for me.

So, I wanna cook the meals again. I say I don't have time for things but I think if I added up the five minutes here and there on Tumblr and Instagram, I'd at least get an extra hour to have fun reading or painting or baking or sewing or something.

I guess it's a new mindset shift for me, I'm used to fitting work and studies in into every spare moment I can, that's how I operated for a lot of my life to make sure my academics were prioritised. Now I realise the importance of play and downtime, and I hadn't yet figured out that I need to prioritise it the same way. I'm going to try to now.

And going off of my earlier point, about how Tumblr isn't the same as journalling, well... something I really do miss about journalling is the physicality of it. The sitting with a cup of tea or coffee and writing in cursive in a pretty notebook ^_^ It feels so much more natural, and it's a keepsake, and most of all, private. Obviously I've... always had issues with privacy growing up, a warning my aunt used to give me was hah don't keep a journal in that house, it's probably not private.

That's a fear I still feel, but also... I have sketchbooks and journals and loads of things already and I mean, quite honestly you get to a certain age where no one cares. Not to say I am going to be careless in any way, Insha'Allah, I keep my phone very private anyway, same for my sketchbooks and personal collection boxes, but... I think I should.... give a little. I can give a little, I can give myself outlets. It's true that my current journal/sketchbook is mostly just out anyway and no one bats an eye.

So this brings me a little to the question; well, what is Tumblr for if you have a journal and sketchbook? I think I'll still use it, just not in the same capacity. Tumblr is for art posts, or odd or amusing one liners that pass through my mind everyday XD I actually save funny thoughts just for Tumblr or relatable thoughts. I also kinda want to return to my original thing, or what it was a couple of years ago; making fun cute posts about my interests, essays definitely, fanfic obviously, it doesn't need to be put together it can still be my eclectic digital commonplace notebook, but just... not a faux journal either.

Something I love to see are those moodboards on Tumblr and I've done a few myself but not as an actual.... board. I know there's some apps I can use on the iPad to make collages stuff and that makes me excited, so maybe I could start making posts like that (a la Polyvore, my first social media site, always missed :'))

I guess this might be my last journal-esque post in a while? Okay writing that made my anxiety do a thing (*shushes anxiety creature clinging to my brain*) IT IS NOT A LAST POST OF ANY KIND

But yeah I miss the artsy, literary vibes of curling up with my notebook on a cold day, so that'll be my new habit Insha'Allah. New, old habit. I feel like one thing Tumblr did do is train me to be okay with imperfect and messy, I feel like the reason my journal writing dropped off last time was because I was trying to force it so much. Over the past few years I've gotten so creative and loosened up a lot, so I'm hoping it'll show in my journal. Furthermore, the last time I was writing a journal, I really didn't have much to talk about because I was so 1. closed off and 2. limited in my hobbies and creative practices, I didn't have things to write about, I had just lost horse riding and I was consumed with studies only... I'm hoping there'll be a bigger difference now.

A part of me feels sort of nervous, I... only ever kept a journal during dark periods of my life too. I don't have the best associations to it, and even if I'm going through some rough times now, I don't really consider it a dark time... my anxiety brain is kind of overheating and going "but bad things!" and I know that's not rational. We should always think the best of what Allah has written for us, having good thoughts of Allah and having a more hopeful outlook on life is the best thing to do so I'll try to hold that in my heart more. If I find it's a bit too scary at first, that's fine I can just stick to prioritising my religion and health and hobbies, it'll follow naturally Insha'Allah i just need to not put pressure on myself.

I think I'll probably spend a lot less time online overall, just because I want to spend that time on all my other interests, not to mention I want to actually put time into making a proper online presence for myself as an artist.

Right now I wanna lie down and read for a chunk of time :D so I'll do that

[chaos-and-sparkles]

All the outrage about "chai" as Pav's ship abbreviation was fucking stupid

Ok so. I may be late to this discourse but by gods am I going to put this out there anyway bc this shit has been FRUSTRATING me for a while okay.

USING 'CHAI' AS AN ABBREVIATION FOR PAVITR IN SHIP NAMES IS NOT FUCKING PROBLEMATIC OR STEROTYPING OR WHATEVER DUMB SHIT I'VE SEEN (mostly non-Indian)PEOPLE SCREAMING ABOUT OUT HERE ON MY DASH. GO TOUCH SOME GRASS, Y'ALL, FIND BETTER PROBLEMS IF YOU'RE SO PRESSED TO BE MAD ABT SOMETHING!!

I'm Indian and I am so so sick and tired of, from what I can tell, mostly white people getting mad about Pav's ship abbreviation being chai??

No no. Go on. Find me my fellow Indians spearheading the conversation about 'chai' being a problematic name. Show me where the droves of offended desis are. And I don't mean just a few Indians agreeing with the "chai is stereotypical" thing while non-Indians lead the conversation, I mean the Indians being the majority of the conversation. Since, you know, that's how it would and should be if it's actually such an offensive deal to Indians, right? We all have social media. It's not like we're waiting to be spoken for. Surely there should be at least as many, if not more, offended Indians about the chai thing as I've seen white people on here. I'll wait.

Obviously I don't speak for all Indian people, I'm just one person, but from what I've seen and what I can tell, there don't seem to be any actual Indian people getting offended or claiming his name being 'chai' is Bad and Evil and Offensive and Stereotyping?? All I see are non-Indian people getting so damn offended on our behalf???

I loved his ship name being chai. I loved the representation. I loved the desi tadka, I remember when I exited the theater after ATSV and scoured through my social media and saw "chaipunk" and "chaiflower" and everything with chai going around. I was so fucking elated to see an ethnic word being used in the tagosphere!! It made my Indian heart so happy to see an Indian character who is so so close to my heart be represented with an Indian cultural word.

But nooooooo apparently we can't have nice things, because people just had to white knight about it. Apparently it is harmful and stereotypical to be using chai as his ship name.

Clearly, we gotta change it to golden. Or something similarly English and white-sounding and you know, inoffensive.

So, because I want to nitpick all the arguments I've heard as to why using "chai" is bad, let's go point-by-point:

It's reductive, you're describing a character by just one thing - yes well noted, that's literally what ship names are for. They are shorthand for characters to remember them by, they're supposed to be memorable one-liners to go by for them. It doesn't "reduce their whole personality to one bit" or "define them" or whatever - by that logic, is Miles' entire personality "flower", or Hobie's entire personality "punk"?? Gwen's just a "ghost" then, huh?? The whole POINT of a ship abbreviation is to be short and memorable. And chai is a whole fucking lot more memorable than "golden" or "shine" or whatever - those alternatives aren't even based in canon?? They are just purely fanon interpretations. Meanwhile chai is actually based in canon and a really memorable line from it too. I've had friends who were so confused as to who the golden abbreviation is for and then asking me how it's related to Pav when they browsed through the tags, but whenever they heard "chaipunk" and stuff they got it without me having to explain shit. Also, y'all are reading the Indian reaction to the chai-tea thing very wrong if you think we are offended by chai being a memorable bit about him - we are literally the ones most hyped about the chai-tea thing? You have no idea how loud the Indian theaters cheered at that line and how many Indian-made edits have been circulating. Again, with the caveat that I speak for my experienced social circle and not every Indian to ever exist, WE LOVE THE CHAI THING. It is a really lovable and memorable bit to us - one that has endeared his character to so many of us so quickly! So I have no idea where the idea that we're offended by the chai-tea line being memorable came from, but y'all really need to go out and talk to some desis before speaking and getting mad for us.

It's stereotypical - Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't realize an Indian character named with an Indian ethnic word about an Indian cultural drink is stereotyping, now. Just say you felt called out by the chai tea bit or got tired of how much people were talking about it or didn't like having to learn and use an ethnic word and be done with it. Now, to be completely fair, this is the point in the argument that holds the most water. I have seen a lot of fanart and fanfic in the very early days of ATSV fan content, quite far down the tag at this point, that reduced Pav's entire personality to chai, just made him the tea guy, made him so chai obsessed it was quite OOC and annoying and yes it did feel pretty stereotypical. That kind of thing is extra obvious in some NSFW arts I've seen around, that really give me the ick because that is not necessary, that is actually just weird and smells a little like fetishizing. But long story short, yes, Pav's character did tend to be reduced to chai in the early fan content. But guess what. That kind of thing happens to every side character in beloved media until more creators get their hands on them, adopt them as their blorbos, and make more developed characters and content out of them!!! Every side character that has a memorable bit gets overused in that bit until more creators get on board to flesh them out! Or have we forgotten "AND PEGGY!", "Honor", "ONIONS!!" and other miscreants? Surely those are ALSO stereotyping then, right? Also. Even if Pav's early fan content with chai was veering towards overuse and maybe stereotyping. Let's assume that's right. HOW EXACTLY WOULD THE SHIP NAME CHANGE THAT, THEN? The ship name changing wouldn't have done diddly squat about that - he was already getting more developed character in fics and in art before people pushed for his ship name to be changed to something less ethnic sounding. I should know, I was one of the people writing him even then. The tag changing wasn't going to magically change the content. The fan creators did that.

It's unrelated to him, it's stereotypical specifically in that flavour - bitch what. Did we watch the same movie. This point in particular frustrates me so much, because I remember someone on here - I don't remember who - talking about how it makes sense to use "flower" for Miles because his favourite song is Sunflower but in that same sentence saying it's ridiculous to use "chai" for Pav. What logical hoops are you jumping to get to this conclusion, my sibling of the sea? If we can use "flower" for Miles - which was literally a song he sang once, maybe twice, in the first movie, never even saying it was his favourite but just showing us he liked it - then it makes just as much sense to use "chai" for Pavitr? Pav literally says he drinks chai every day with Maya Aunty, it's linked to his life and family, and he clearly liked and thought of it as important enough to put it in his intro speech. Also, as an Indian, in my experience at least chai is a very important and yet casual cultural thing for us, that a lot of us have a connection to in our everyday lives and it makes sense for him to have it too. It's not like people are just seeing the Indian character and automatically labelling him with chai - he talks about it, he likes chai, it's not out of nowhere. Also, if we're talking about how related the abbreviation is, HOW is "golden" related??? That is even more out of nowhere??? Everyone I've asked seems to have a different justification of why golden is used. From bc he's a golden boy to golden bc of his bangles or vibes - they're all speculative and based almost entirely in fanon. Like. Chai is so much more related.

Also. Using chai? IT'S NOT A BIG FUCKING DEAL. It's just a word. It is normal to me, to us Indians, as normal as using any other word in English, or Hindi, or our regional languages. I don't see why it's such a big deal that it needs to be changed to something English. It's literally just like if you made his abbreviation "tea" - except now you've taken the desiness out of it. Congratulations.

This isn't a cause I'm going to die mad about or anything. It's just been slowly annoying and eating away at me to see so many, again from what I can tell mostly non-Indian people, being mad about chai being his ship abbreviation. It feels like a bit of a gut punch to the part of me that was so happy to see this tiny part of myself and my language and culture represented in a character I love. As my friend once said, "chaipunk sounds like a cool punk movement I'd join. goldenpunk just sounds white."

The straw that finally broke the camel's back and got me posting about it is this realization that I had:

All the hue and cry to change Pavitr's ship name from "chai" to the more 'acceptable' "golden"? It reeks an awful lot of whitewashing.

People literally got so offended about an Indian character having an Indian ship abbrev that they clamoured till it got changed to something English. It leaves a very off taste in my mouth when I think about it like this.

So yeah.