#i've been thinking about this yesterday since i talked about it with mac

[incesthemes]

there is interesting johndean subtext and insinuations across kripke era, usually through an antagonist insinuating parent-child sexual violence in order to exert dominance over dean. this type of mockery exploits that ambiguous relationship between john and dean and reminds dean that he never had a normal relationship with his father, and that makes him gross and wrong. it doesn't actually matter in the end whether john was sexually abusive to dean. the core of their relationship was damning enough: dean was made to take the place of john's wife—to comfort john and raise sam—while simultaneously being his son. the codependent nature of their relationship implies the incest that underscores their dynamic. again, this is regardless of what literally occurred between dean and john because there is enough doubt toward the nature of their relationship that multiple antagonists can use it against them.

sonwife, brotherhusband—dean is stuck in a liminal space between family and lover and is unable to put his feet firmly on just one side and instead has to accept both together or abandon both together. he doesn't get to have a relationship with his family without it being simultaneously incestuous. he plays the role of wife to john and mother to sam as mary's replacement; he therefore becomes more than a son and transcends the boundaries of the familial into the incestuous. it's baked into the dynamic and he can't hope to escape the liminality in which he's stuck without abandoning his entire family altogether.

this ambiguous relationship is further acted out with sam, where people perceive them as lovers rather than brothers; where their mutual devotion trumps, neglects, and disallows any other close relationship outside each other; where their physical closeness is viewed through an unusually sexual lens despite no literal sex acts between them taking place on screen. once again dean is stuck in a liminal space, paralleling the ambiguous and uncertain relationship he had with john.

in the end, sex (and sexual violence) is just a symbol of this codependency and uncertainly incestuous dynamic. sex acts in kripke era end up being symbolic: misinterpretations of sam and dean's relationship; accusations of sexual violence; literal, on-screen sexual moments between the brothers and someone else. it's a literary device that highlights the incestuous themes of the show. dean hand-picks women for sam to fuck because it allows dean to be symbolically part of sam's sex life. henricksen accuses john of raping dean because it is a symbol of the unhealthy, codependent relationship dean had with his father. the samulet stays on during sex because sam is symbolically integral to dean's sexual gratification (seen too in the way both dean and cassie in 1.13 appear to kiss the amulet at least once in the dark room). sex is used to signify more than what's literally on the screen, and the connections between the literal sex acts and the blurred lines of dean's familial relationships allow for a reading of incest between both john and dean and sam and dean.

it never mattered whether johndean or samdean had a sexual relationship in the canon because that was never the point. the point is the liminality that permeates the narrative. sam, dean, and john all stand upon a threshold between acceptable and taboo. the point of it all is the doubt and anxiety, the are-they-aren't-they that is never answered. the absence of incest within the text invites the understanding that the incest was, in fact, always there.

[mania-sama]

day 5 post-op update: things are ACTUALLY improving. like actually. i've really noticed a true step up today in pretty much every aspect of my recovery and that makes me very happy.

the most important thing that happened today, medically, is that i started the saltwater flush. i was TERRIFIED of this originally because i thought it was going to hurt, but then i pulled up my big girl pants and finally went through with it. didn't hurt it all. the second time i did it today, though, i felt some pain afterwards. so i don't know what that's about. hopefully nothing serious!!!

today's food:

THREE cheesesticks

TWO bottles of water

ONE cup of kraft mac n cheese

ONE mini m&m sonic blast

ONE packet of mini fudge muffin brownie things??? idk what they are called

ONE bowl of chocolate ice cream

THREE vitamin gummy bears

i.... ran out of pudding, sadly. HOWEVER. i am not sad, because i hit my FIRST GOAL!!! i comfortably ate a cheese stick today!!!! it didn't even really hurt the first time i did it. the second and third were a little questionable, but it's okay. we live and we learn. the gummy bears are definitely too much for me but i fucking love my vitamin gummies so they went down the hatch.

MY FOOD RECOMMENDATION. i would say the mac n cheese for today still wins, but maybe tomorrow... maybe tomorrow will bring something new to the table. i don't know. as far as my lord and savior (sonic milkshakes) go, the m&m blast was a mistake. i was not ready for that. i thought i would be fine, but that shit was PAINFUL. i still ate all of it though because damn i wanted it. but definitely too early for me.

ratings:

pain: 5/10. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING TO NO PAIN. obviously i am in pain right now, but... all of it is significantly less than yesterday. this has been the most obvious improvement to my pain since the surgery. i was even able to hold out an hour longer this morning before i took my horse-power ibuprofen. also, i can tell that my pain is now radiating specifically from my sockets. that means my general jaw soreness/pain has decreased immensely. good times!!!

stitches: 4/10. they are still there. i found both of them, but.... i think they (the oral surgeon) is gonna have to clip them out when i go back in two days. which. i'm not excited for that!!!

swelling: 5/10. definitely going down now!! i'm still swollen, obviously, but i think by this rate i might be mostly back to normal tomorrow.

talking: 8/10. ITS SO MUCH EASIER. i can't open my jaw all the way yet, so i'm still biting a lot of my words, but i'm getting there. it isn't causing much pain anymore. and for that, i am very very greatful.

overall: 8/10. not that i necessarily feel the best, but today has been so good in terms of improvement that i am HAPPY. so today gets a very good rating, and i am hoping tomorrow will be EVEN BETTER!!

[suntreehq]

Reflections on Weathering a Storm.

I ate a lot yesterday and went to sleep at a ridiculous time. I woke up (late) to a sunny autumnal day. I felt good today. Better than I have done all week. Some sense of stress or pain seems to have lifted or at least eased.

I think cutting myself slack this week on the diet front (and to some degree on the workout front too) has both been necessary and beneficial. A wise decision - as long as I get back on track soon.

I guess I was more stressed out and depressed than I wanted to admit to myself.

I've been avoiding people too this week. Because I know I needed time to myself, and that also has been the correct decision. Sure, maybe talking to people would have been helpful. This coming week I will have to reach out and make whatever amends are necessary. People are either going to understand or not understand, and I'll deal with the consequences either way.

I'm still fighting the temptation of eating sugar. The temptations are much more muted than when I started the sugar-free protocol, but they are still there. I find myself thinking about or tempted to buy cookies, chocolates and of course Indian Sweets.

It hasn't even been a full week since I decided to start the sugar-free protocol, so I guess that's not a surprise. It's interesting to note that it feels like its been longer than a week already.

Today was another day of pretty much no restraint on the food front - apart from the no processed sugar rule of course. I also decided not to buy fries and instead just eat some oven baked wedges - which was a good decision and required almost zero willpower.

Taking photos of everything I have been eating recently - or at least trying to do so - has been a great decision. It's one thing to look at some text in a food tracking app about what you've been eating, and its an entirely other thing to see visual evidence of your choices. I was looking back in the Photos app on Mac, of the past couple of weeks of photos and I can really see how I have not been making the kind of food choices I would make when I was really being successful and diligent in cutting.

I still haven't updated my most important diet and fitness tracking systems. I will do that tomorrow - perhaps first thing.

I also need to start putting more controls back on my diet. My mood is significantly better, and whilst I'll be checking in with myself on this over Diwali, I do want to get back on track with my fitness goals.

So from tomorrow:

no more crisps (chips)

no more fried indian snacks

start eating meals which are more like my typical cutting diet

eat more veggies

eat more berries

eat more egg whites

start focussing on consistently hitting my protein target

ease up on drinking calories (reduce intake of whole milk, switch back over to coconut milk)

sort out my sleep

start meditating again - 1 x 20 min session every day

slowing reign in the calorie intake, keeping an eye on my mood, mindset, stress and general well being.

I think I'm past the worst part of the emotional turbulence this time of year can bring me. I know I'll have one more rough spot before Christmas and New Year, so I want to get back "locked in" on hitting my fitness and other goals.

[harmonyckrs]

Give Me Back My Wife, Grim Reaper - Part 1

Rumors are, there's a special item in the Second Dimension that can bring your loved ones back from the dead. It comes with a price, as most things do, but I'm willing to pay it if I can get her back.

My dear Celeste. I can still remember the night she died, as if it had happened just yesterday.

One minute I'm cooking mac and cheese on the stove as a nice little midnight treat, the next minute Zoya's screaming and crying in the other room, and then the minute after that I'm digging through the rubble that used to be my house as I look for any trace of a body.

This was all my fault. Zoya marked it up to "faulty wiring in the house," and I don't think I have it in me to tell her the truth. So, this is the only way I can make up for what I've done...

Zoya: I don't get why you're doing this.

Harper: Well, it'd be fun to try something new for a change, you know?

Zoya: Fine. But you need to remember exactly what we're here for, and we can't have you slacking off on our mission! Everyone else in the Alien Abductee Rescue Team are counting on us.

Harper: Yeah, I know! And I promise I won't let you down.

Zoya: Cool. Anyway, have fun tomorrow with the weirdos who genuinely believe in psychics!

Harper: Zoya, one of our own siblings is a psychic.

Zoya: Sita was cursed by an evil witch, so she's not an actual psychic! This entire thing is just a scam.

Harper: Yep, sure...

*RING RING*

Harper: (Well, that was sure fast!)

Harper: Hello!...(quick! Think of a good name to call yourself! You know what, screw this! Just greet them.) How may I help you?

???: Yo! What's up, dude? How much time do you have? Because I have, like, a lot of questions.

Harper: Free all day, sir! What's your name?

???: Lazlo. And you don't need to call me sir, man. I'm on a first-name basis with every other psychic here...granted, it's only one, but still. What's yours?

Harper: (This man's definitely high.) I'm, um...

Lazlo: Oh, right. You need time to come up with a cool psychic name and all that, right? I can just get started with the questions and you can tell me your name later.

Harper: Yeah! Alright.

Lazlo: So first, there's this guy. His name's Vidcund, and he's my brother. Last night, he got abducted by aliens. Should've shown back up by the morning, but instead he's just gone. Any clue what might've happened?

???: Lazlo, I told you that calling a psychic isn't going to help. I bet he isn't even a real psychic.

Lazlo: Hey, Pascal! I don't see you doing anything!

Pascal: Because I'm trying to take care of the baby!

Harper: Is everything okay over there?

Lazlo: Yep! Perfectly fine, dude. So got any advice?

Harper: Well...my brother got abducted by aliens too, and we haven't seen him since. But I know your brother is still alive, and trying to find a way home.

Lazlo: Thanks, man.

Pascal: He's probably just lying to make you feel better...

The conversation was long. So long, that it somehow took up most of the day. But at the same time, it was quite entertaining. Lazlo was a fun person to talk to.

But eventually, I had to end the call. Because I needed to get something else done - to get in contact with Dr. Willow Vu, the world-renowed physicist.

Crystal: Hello?

Harper: Hi. Is Dr. Vu there?

Crystal: Oh! That'd be me. What's up?

Harper: I was hoping I could access some of your research. You see, my brother's got missing, and we think he may have been sent to another dimension after he got abducted by aliens.

Crystal: Oh...oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were referring to my mom. Unfortunately she died about five years ago, but I can search through her old files if that helps.

Harper: That would be wonderful! Thank you.

Crystal: Of course. You know, a good friend of mine got abducted a while ago too, and we haven't seen him since. I wish you luck on finding your brother. And I'll call you back once I find my mom's papers.

Harper: Thank you. And I wish you luck on finding your friend.

[the-firebird69]

Made some new friends at @arnoldsports

These girls push him into that guy lifting girl so bodybuilders and it doesn't look like he's too heavy and they appear in a lot of films and ones that he is in that's a little strange

Hera

They're in a bunch of films not all of them are great but this is kind of a weird thing and we do know why they're kind of fighting each other

Thor Freya

She was everybody why don't you comment on it comment on it we'd like to get rid of that guy sure everybody would he wants some out too him out I've never seen somebody be so rude so many people so often and we're trying to get a woman here that would be nice to get a woman in the office so we're going to have to beat on that guy

Megan Merkel

Turned out to be a crappy day I sing my whatever could be happening, he says. I lost my license now I don't drive hahaha. No seriously

Trump

Well we don't think you can tell and we wouldn't know what the hell is talking about same things happening that happened yesterday is losing people he's losing places somewhere so what that's what he says

Thor Freya

I'm tired of losing the stuff everybody better get off me but I'll have a conniption and a friend is saying get off me you fat ass f****** f**** you're sitting here bothering me you're going to get killed I don't understand the problem. It's not necessarily with you and he's saying so get the f*** away from me you f****** moron is sitting here bothering me they're going to bother you. I certainly see your point and they're going to continue to hit me in mind until I get away from you. So he says why don't you go ask them. I think that's a good idea

Trump

This is very odd we've been seeing it for months get away from him get out of there now he wants to figure out if we're saying it

Mac daddy

So I say this you don't want to sit here and do the job on other people and he's laughing saying that I'm mistaken what really happens and people will probably take what I'm saying the wrong way. When I say is I'm saying pretty clearly I'm sitting next door doing the job meaning I'm getting rid of people who are in my way so he's asking me if I'm in the way because that's who's getting rid of and when I say it's my own people are a problem... So I guess he's laughing out loud loudly saying that I'm getting myself out of the way so that's why I'm here. I don't even mean to say all this but I'm saying it that's what I'm doing he says I'm the world's biggest c********* and what a f**** so it's kind of rude but I'm sitting here a lot of people will get rid of other people so it's not impressive that I'm getting rid of my own I can see what you're saying cuz I'll take you my stuff for my stashes and cashes and killing my people and it should be going well since I've been saying is good and I'm kind of encouraged it it's not really what I'm trying to do and he says why I should stop saying that stupid s*** maybe people won't kill you then and move the f*** away from me.. you're not supposed to be within 500 ft... I wasn't aware of that and it says this is tons of restraining orders on you people put on you and the landlord should know and he should also know that he shouldn't be aware of it and covering it up and other s*** like that... I guess I sort of figured out something I'm getting a lot of people in trouble and they want me to hell out of here well I can't move now and I think it's impossible to because of so many people have pissed off

Trump

I certainly follow something why don't I get him the hell out of there. I don't think it's very funny I can't move them out

Stan

Well we can't help you in Oregon or Washington or BC or the upper Midwest either and I'm very sorry about that because I told you what he was going to do and you didn't listen that's all I can really do and you know what this is a pain in the f****** ass in the beginning I didn't really need you to be housing here in this little tinky s*** hole somebody else could have done it and probably wouldn't have put me on top of a sewer hole with two f****** God damn moronic criminals but now it's going to bite you in the ass like anybody could have predicted the whole f****** time with him in your house saying it on the other one and this idiot spewing it I mean it's not my responsibility in any way I just renting a room because I'm forced to stay here I don't like to be forced into anything I'm being forced to live next to you s*** heads is that is really really expensive for your entire stupid f****** realm and now I guess they're going to kill you that makes sense keep him here and s*** I like you to move and document what he says or something I mean Jesus Christ you know they'll be around here can do anything well I'm sorry but we can't stop this f***** from doing what he's going to do at all one of the reasons is he's sitting on top of me it's very obvious that people around here chicken s*** m************

Zues Hera

Now I'm starting to get something he's going to attack me and he's going to say it's cuz you're sitting there I'm going to turn into a b**** and f*** myself twice I don't know what to say he's going to attack me I should move him out and says he's going to attack you tonight I hear on the radio and on the street he says that last part and it's true it's everywhere head numb skull is going to do it it would be wise to move them out today that would be a good thing

Stan

I suppose we should probably move in the f*** out of there you're right if we don't we're going to lose the West and there's a big huge thing that's going to happen and we had a whole pile of stupid s*** heads in charge of it who Don't do anything they already did plenty of that and she says that can happen really soon and he says I don't have much time to think about it several hours

Mac daddy

We went through this before and he's asking what them stupid math for the dumb f****** argument is that have you gone through losing the West before and he says that and I say not really I say have you lived next door to the stupid c*********. And I say yeah we know what he's doing and I do follow something losing the West right now would not be a good idea so we're looking into it and he says you have 6 hours and once these guys start attacking they don't like to stop. And he says that and I started to figure out something it sounds real serious so we're going to have to look into it again

Daniel

Who are you to tell us what to do so that I didn't realize telling you what to do Michael too and you're a loser you've been a loser for quite a while you always lose no big deal here for you to f*** this up too and I do hear your thinking about it but we thought about it if we lose the West we're in trouble if we lose the east yeah we don't have much places in East Dewey does the upper meeting the upper New England is is nothing up there and you can't do anything with it so stupid thing to say but this place blows and we don't know what to do about this

Michael tew

What was saying is we might have an idea what to do or just not telling people what's really going to happen is this is going to suck cuz we don't have a s*** together and he says you're fighting this guy mostly him so that simplifies it but really this this idiot doesn't need any victories and he doesn't need any war and he doesn't need anything he needs to leave. Now he says that and we're starting to see something he wants them the hell out of there he's tired of being accosted by him and his attempted homicides on himself and wants to be seen as someone slightly valuable and he wants him dead permanently not dead every other day and it's gross as hell this idiot has to move out

Mac daddy

We're starting to see you know what he's doing and stuff if I get him out of there and he has all the stuff he gets back in he's been implying that he might just wipe us out and if you applies a lot of effort it's going to be a problem and we are in those places but we're in other places too but seriously that's a lot of us I know I know you're right and I have to go talk to people

Stan

Olympus

[sleepingintheflowers]

I went to Market Basket today to see if they had cheaper olive oil then than the Hannaford's did yesterday (is there a more New England grocery store sentence than this?)

They did! I got a biggish bottle for 23 dollars which is still INSANE but a far cry cheaper than the 36 that the Hannaford wanted for the same size.

Anyway it was raining so I grabbed a hat before leaving the house. This particular hat is a NE Patriot's hat with cute little lobsters on it. I completely forgot I was wearing it until the guy bagging my groceries started INTERROGATING ME about the Patriots. Full on mansplain "oh name three of their songs" moment.

He asks me how I feel about the Pats "maybe trading Mac Jones" and this takes me by surprise because we got rid of his sorry ass months ago. So I say "I'm glad he's gone. I hope he's happy far away from here." And this dude looked SHOCKED and also kind of disappointed that I had answered with any knowledge.

He went on to say that he's excited about Drake Maye. I agree. I think he's a very promising prospect. Like dude, I can do this all day. I am home all day watching a baby. I watched more football than you this past year I guarantee. It was perfect because I didn't want to watch anything with a plot for the most part. I spend 3 days a week without talking to another adult until Brian gets home.

It was also just super bizarre because this kind of interaction hasn't happened to me since I was a teenager. And it was never ok but it's extra baffling as a 34 year old woman who who is just trying to buy some damn olive oil.

Then he tried to ask me about basketball and I just very honestly told him "that's the ONE sport I don't watch" because it's true. The squeaky sneakers drive me up a wall I just cannot. I volleyed by saying I've been watching the Bruins (and boy have I ever! I'm watching right now! I went to a game for my birthday!!!) and he seemed out of hid depths in hockey world.

I got a good score in Annoying Old Man in Public today. Something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.

[counting-eyerolls]

thank you for the tag lys :3 me frozen because all of a sudden i don't remember anything about myself anymore O_O

let's see...i'm gonna do my best idk if i can come up with all ghost related ones

i got into ghost because of moac (of course are we surprised) but i think the song that really made me dive into the whol shebang was watcher in the sky

i've actually been on tumblr since i was 14ish and i've gone through so many fandoms but i started on fanfiction.net

i used to be very into writing and drawing but i got burnt out because of school and decided to not pursue that and now it's very difficult to get back into it but writers in the ghost community are something else and i have bursts of inspiration every once in a while :D

i'm in stem

favourite ghost song is absolution by far

i was kinda raised on rock but i started getting back into it 2 years ago around the time i finished highschool so now i'm trying to find more and more stuff to listen to and i get a lot of my recs from tumblr

i used to play classical guitar when i was young but then i stopped and now i mostly play acoustic

i really wanna learn to play drums !!! and bass !!! but i don't know how to start

raindrop truther forever but i cant deny that all of the ships are so special to me

i got an imperatour tshirt yesterday and it was so soft (this is all i could squeeze out for that last one :D)

please join the tag game if you want to (even with no tag)

i'm tagging people who are moots and/or ghesties even though we've never really talked at all so please join in only if you want to!

@mac-and-thefox @littlemoon-beam @midnight-moth @dewedup @floating-goblin-art @sodomiser @herbal-quintessence @dearspiritss @ghoulangerlee @foxybouquet

Ghost Mutuals Tag Game 🦇 Send this to the last ten Ghesties in your notifications, then reply here with ten facts about yourself! Let's get to know each other!

Okay, sounds fun! I'm gonna make them Ghost themed cause why not

Cirrus is my favorite ghoulette and Swiss is my favorite ghoul

2. Top Five Ghost Songs (I can't pick one): Square Hammer, Kiss the Go-Goat, Dance Macabre, Rats, and Witch Image

3. I got into Ghost last May after hearing MOAC on Tik Tok and googling Ghost. I listened to Square Hammer and it was all over from there.

4. I'm new to the alt/metal music scene so I'm trying to explore more. Definitely interested in checking out Sleep Token and Katatonia but I'm a little intimidated (feel free to send me your favorite songs for me to check out)

5. Saw Ghost during the Re-Imperatour and it was amazing! It was also my first concert ever.

6. I play electric guitar and I'm learning how to play Square Hammer and Dance Macabre rn

7. I'm a cosplayer and I'm eagerly awaiting free time so I can work on making my ghoul cosplay. Going to sew their Impera fits.

8. I like spooky things in general to Ghost was a perfect fit for my interests.

9. I got back into reading/writing fan fic after about five years thanks to Ghost and I'm not mad about it. This is such a fun and creative community.

10. My favorite Ghost album is Impera and my favorite album covers are Meliora and Seven Inches of Satanic Panic

For tags I'm taking it as fellow gesties and not just mutuals. Feel free to participate but only if you want to!

@comp-lady @counting-eyerolls @chapel-of-rizztual @sexy-sea-basss @jimothybarnes @callmeghoulshit @obeythefluff07 @jazz-bazz @ghoul-slime @mintea-in-space

[the-firebird69]

So we have a little fun with the a****** now it's going around with him again and it sees two assholes and we're decided to do something to them then died yesterday and he fell off the gamble house and Trump is slated to and is threatening not to fall off the gamma house and it's incriminated him so that's what it is and it really pissed off Dan. Thinking that he did it. There's a whole bunch of stuff going on with regards to that but really the max talked about it they said we need to shut these two down they're sitting there threatening him for just about everything and I've had enough of it mostly they're trying to try and harm us and they're going out there and they're picking them up and pulling them in and sending them to prison. It's happening right now. It is a huge huge amount of people who were upset about it and they started going after trumpsters. There's a massive number of them that are under arrest and it is for picking on our son and picking a fight with him and there are tons of them going to prison right now and the idiot doesn't get it but he will and there's a whole bunch of other people who are getting involved now but the max say that they are going to go after them much harder now because they keep on doing it and doing it and it's ridiculous

-there's a few people who are getting in trouble right now they are skulking around the neighborhood and they do it every once in awhile but now they're doing it for real and they're trying to sneak up on Dan believe it or not there's a whole bunch of them doing it there's a few other things happening in town

-there there are about 50 police looking for Dan and Trump and it's for this morning shenanigans and they are upset and are going after him and it is not a far-fet story now the Guantanamo Bay thing and so to see it for ming. It's turning into a war with the clones and it's going on now.

-there were 10 lawsuits submitted this morning five of them are against the trumpsters and their group actions and that means that they're a ton of people all of them are lined up against them and that's one reason why they're threatening him they're talking about the donut hole and some other stuff and you've had it with these two idiots they haven't threatened with everything and it doesn't do anything and it's kind of a waste of time but it's been a good heads up and there's tons and tons of people who are after them but the cases were accepted and that's important part two of the other cases were going on today and these guys did not do well and they haven't closed which is odd and the deliberated for only about 10 minutes and they said that they will have a final decision tomorrow and that that is a little odd it's strange well okay he sat down for 10 minutes and found them guilty it's almost better to hold them in court than to do that but those two trial courts cases were against Trump and his people and they were both group actions and each group they're about 300 people and from one group to the next 90% of them are different people some have different characters I know the same people but really they won the case and yeah as soon as listed at the end they think that they're putting him in there and from the first one they owe them three grand from the second one five grand and from the first case it was already one like $8,000 it's a total of only $16,000 now and the court is seeking things instead of Cash money and it's it's a different story when you have an asset instead of money and you can have the court liquidat it. There's a lot of things going on but really this is a huge one because the court has been trying to get them to pay and recently a lot of minority molok have got no bored and they say when you pay you really do pay and they can't seem to do it. Mac is stepping in every once while I can't do it and they got a big forest and they're trying it's been only 3 days since the judgment and they're trying only to send it for two days if these guys obstructed up in Tallahassee it's drying more down to try and get the checks out. B there's more going on it's not a ton of stuff but it's important

-there once issued for John remillard and his son and for their antics at Walmart too it's really for other stuff and the issue them now it's for treason

-they're gassing up they're huge ships and there's a row of them and there are a few million that are getting ready and they're going to start ferrying idiots up there and they want to come down the river and outfit as they come down and we say it's not a bad idea and we can escort them if they have big stuff and they want to go ahead and do it and Matt wants to do it and give them the hell out of here and have them fight the clones. ... And it's going on momentarily and it'll be big ships 5 MI and they're going to push now all the muck out.

-and there's a few more things

He seems to be very tired cuz he is they're real boost of adrenaline and he figured out he's shaking way too much tried to come down and it was tough but he could have clobbered anyway now I do have a couple things one is we are going to help him out second

[itscoffeetime-world]

Dear diary, I am in another world far from home.

_____________________________________ミ●﹏���ミ

Day 1:

It has been a bit confusing, but they have explained the situation to me and I think I can understand it, it seems that I am in another world? universe? idk.

from what I understand they are also trapped and all ... well, the vast majority are versions of my father from other worlds, as far i can undertand. there are also two other versions of uncle mac...it's weird, they are so different but at the same time so alike....I have mixed feelings about this situation :(

they were kind to me since they had been through the same thing and they let me into the house, They call themselves by different names to distinguish themselves from others and not get confused, apparently king is the one who let me pass???...I also saw other people, two humans and something that looks like a fruit fairy.

the little boy is called Liuer, he was very kind and shared his candies with me seeing me so nervous, I really appreciate it. also the other guy named Li Yunxiang helped me to process the situation, they were both very kind. I hope I get along with them!

I heard king talk about a boy named mk?? It seems that he is going to call him to talk about my situation :(...

One of them, who is called Dasheng, approached me a while ago and told me that if I needed anything I would let him know...it's strange, he reminds me of dad but is he much calmer? gentle? he seems to be someone good with children, he reminds me of my nana

I wonder where she is, will she be here? will she still be at home? will they be looking for me? would they have noticed that i disappeared?

they keep deciding who I'll stay with for today, I hope this ends well and I get along with them.

________________________________________⊙﹏⊙

Day 2:

I've been in this place for 2 days, I'm starting to get used to it little by little, in the end they decided that I should sleep in Liuer and Dasheg's room for now since I was more comfortable with them. today when i woke up i got up and went to where everyone was, dasheng gave me a cup of tea for breakfast and liuer told me about what he dreamed at night.

he really has a great imagination.

I try not to bother and help in what I see that they need help, I don't want to be here doing nothing. cleaning, moving things, also help in the kitchen to make breakfast easier! I like coocking (◕��◕✿).

It seems that they were surprised to see that I was cooking because of my age, isn't that normal? but later they explained to me that really only one of them "cooks" since they are not good at it...I don't mind helping them in the kitchen, I guess I can teach them a thing or two. I'm used to doing it for myself or friends.

I discovered that the little fruit fairy is quite friendly and is usually next to someone they call Sage... I'm afraid to get close but I'll try not to bother him, even though his friend likes to put flowers on my tail, it's cute.

the others like sunny or lucky also talk to me to get to know me, they are like a younger version of dad...it's still weird but I'll get used to it, One of them is Uncle he asked me what I was wearing yesterday and what was in the backpack. I had to explain to him that it was my uniform and in the backpack were my things from school such as books, notebooks, materials, etc.

since I had appeared here going to school :(

He laughed and told me that i was very responsible since before he saw me doing my pending homework, I could be in another universe but I can't leave homework undone since I don't know when I'll be back! ୧( ಠ Д ಠ )୨

I also met Mk today, he is very charismatic, he talks a lot but it doesn't bother me. I like him, he is someone quite friendly and funny.

He told me a little about him, he works in a noodle restaurant and he's also wukong's son in his world! even though he is also his successor, It worries me since being his successor means hard training and many enemies wanting to kill him since he is a mortal... but he seems determined so I will encourage him and help him in any way I can.

After all, I also have my strength and magic, it will not be as powerful as my father or even some version of him but I can help him control it better and how to use it in a good way!

that's all for now diary, see you tomorrow

___________________________________┌|o^▽^o|┘♪

Day 5:

I haven't written here in a while, but it's ok! They were fun days, I was giving cooking classes to everyone. especially Sage, he tries so hard.

I taught them how to make basic foods and desserts, I taught sage how to make a peach cake, for his first try it wasn't bad! He just need practice.

I also talked a little more with everyone and I learned something about their stories, they are so different but they were also similar, It's nice to hear them talk and that they also listen to me, even though my life is not as exciting as theirs. We talked a little about our lives and I told them about my family.

although they seem to be a little concerned about my lack of communication or interaction with my father, but I'll have time to talk to him when he's free or when I return to my universe

I also took advantage of the fact that I was talking about my family and I showed them a photo that I had with my cousin, isn't it adorable? i really miss him (･ัω･ั)...

I also met Mk's friends, they are very nice too! even though they remind me of dad's friends...i wonder why,

in fact i had fun hanging out with them, mk even gave me his number to talk whenever we can! I haven't interacted with so many people in a while, it's exhausting. I even spend more time with Liuer and Yunxiang, it's fun.

before I forget, they said that there is another resident in the house but that she is very shy and silent, I wonder, who is this mysterious person?? I can't wait to meet her!

but ignoring all that, nothing more interesting has happened... I'll keep you posted if anything else happens! see you tomorrow.

________________________________________…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

Wukongverse belongs to @theweirdhybrid !!! Go check them out, they are awesome

[sukipershipper]

Reunion- A Punch Out!! Fic || Chapter 3

Finally finished this chapter. This took way too long lmao. But I hope it's worth it. Without further ado, here ya go!

⚠️ Trigger Warning for Implied Death, Strangulation, Suffocation, Headaches, and Hallucinations. ⚠️

Chapter 3 • You can't fix everything

The clock on the wall slowly ticked away as the students scribbled down sentences as their teacher, Mr. Peregrine, or as Mac called him, The Falcon, explained the history behind the Egyptian empire. Mac continued to scribble down the teacher's ramblings down on his pad. The talk however began to slowly fade into the background as Mac's mind traveled elsewhere. His pen stopped and he stared at his page of words with blank, glazed over eyes.

His head was devoid of anything coherent but the imagined screams of Kid Quick as he cried for help. His view slowly came back to focus on his written words, and each letter, syllable, and small punctuation mark on the page began to move and change to form a very scribble image of Quick in the ropes, dangling and suffocating as they tightened their grip around him. Mac moaned in frustration as he grabbed his head and gripped at his own hair, trying to make the image disappear. "I…c..n't…br..eath..e" he mumbled. 

"I…I can't…b-breathe…" He said a little louder this time.

His mind began to race and soon everything started to slowly go dark. Mac felt like his body grew weak and felt he was going to collapse. He brought his head closer to his desk and leant it against his forearms. He stayed that way for a few minutes until he heard a tap on his desk. Looking up, he saw The Falcon leaning above him with a worried look. "Jay, you alright?" Mr Peregrine asked, kneeling down to meet the boy's eye level, Mac took a look around to see some of the class's attention had turned to him. "I…uh" Mac began, twiddling his fingers around, "...Y-yeah I'm alright…I just….why do you ask?"

"You were saying earlier that you couldn't breathe…what's going on?"

"Oh…I was…thinking about something Doc told me"

The Teacher gave a nod and slipped Mac a paper before returning to the front of the class and writing on the board. The boy grabbed it and flipped it over to see it read: "Stay behind after class" 

Damnit

Mac sighed as he continued writing the teacher's ramblings once again. A few minutes passed before the bell rang and Mr Peregrine set his chalk down on his desk. "...And that's a wrap on Ancient Egypt,'' The Teacher said, "Tomorrow we move onto the French Empire" The whole class quietly groaned in unison as they stood up and slipped their books and pencils into their bags, then proceeded to make their way to the classroom door. Each said their goodbyes and some even high fived the teacher in their own unique ways. Only one student remained in the class, and that was Mac. Per the teacher's request of course. His bag was packed and slung over his back and he sat on his desk, as Mr Peregrine came over. "Okay what's up?" He asked, "Well…" Mac began, "...a lot has been happening, see I got my training for my fight coming up against Bull, yeah?"

"Yeah?"

"Right, and I was tryna invite my friends to come watch! V.I.P tickets!"

"Okay?"

"But one of them says he can't go, because he has uncomfortable memories. And that's understandable but he won't ever elaborate beyond that!" 

"I see, go on"

"Yeah and then, I tell Aran and then I accidentally knock him into the ropes and then EVERYONE gets on my case about it! And then when I ask why I get told that apparently someone DIED that way!"

"Kid Quick?"

"You heard about it too?"

"Was an old friend of mine…anyways go on"

Mac sighed as he gripped his head, "And it's understandable, I get that it's sad but no one ever elaborates! No one ever goes beyond the whole "IT JUST HURTS MAC" and it's pissing me off!"

The teen took a deep breath and sighed, looking at his hands and holding his elbows tightly. "I just want them to be honest with me…It's all I've been thinking about since yesterday and I can't stop…" He explained. Mr Peregrine nodded , “I understand Mac, you want to have all the answers” he said, quietly, “You want to know what’s the right thing, how to help, because everyone around you is hurt…but you need to understand that some things take time to fix…some answers may not come to you all at once..”, “But why?” Mac asked, desperately.

Mr Peregrine sighed, “...That’s just how life works sometimes, we can’t control everything, we can’t fix everything…we can only wait…and pray…and hope”

Not exactly the answer Mac was wanting to hear, but hell was it better than what he had gotten before. “Okay then…” Mac said, standing up off the desk and slowly making his way to the door, “Well…thanks, Teach…you’ve…you’ve eased my mind for now”, “Well, I can’t let you just collapse in class now can I?” Mr Peregrine joked, “Take care of yourself Mac, and say Hi to Doc for me”

“Will do, later Teach” Mac said as he made his way out the door, only to be met with Jared and Li Mei standing outside it. “What kept you, bruh?” Jared asked, already sounding igh off his ass, “We were worried, why were you talking to Mr Peregrine? You get caught cheating on a test again?” Li Mei piped up. Mac shook his head, “Nah just…” he trailed off before shaking his head again, “...Nevermind, it ain’t important” he said as he walked towards the School’s exit, “Come on, let’s go” 

Li and Jared shared a concerned look between each other before shrugging and following suit. 

------------------------

'Good Afternoon, New York City! My names Kenzie Lockhart and you're listening to Sports on The Go! Giving you the latest in sporting news!' The voice on the radio called. Disco chuckled as he continued to drive. He always had the radio going when he was on the road, it kept him company during the mind-numbing drive. 'Hope you boxing fans got your tickets because they're going fast! 4 more days till the big boxing bash of the week! Fridays BOXING BRAWL!!'

"Woo-woo!!" Disco hollered to himself. He always loved hearing stuff about the WVBA in other media. Even if he heard it in person almost every day, it still delighted him hearing it being stated on the radios. The voice from the radio continued to ramble about sporting events that were coming up in the week. Though they had nothing to do with Boxing so he very quickly lost interest in it. Instead he became lost in thought about yesterday. As soon as Doc left and Aran was freed, all he heard from the guys was talk of someone named Jordan. It was a name that was mostly tossed around by the older folks and occasionally Sandy and Macho. Though when Kaiser started talking about it Macho immediately dipped. No clue why. Very few times did he hear the name thrown around by Don or Aran, and if it was it was primarily the former who spoke of him.

Don did have prior connections to the WVBA through his Abuelo, but that didn't really answer who the hell Jordan was. It didn't bother him yesterday, so why was it such a big deal now? Why was it eating at him today? Ah well, can't be helped sometimes. A sigh of content escaped him as the radio voice chimed back into something he cared about. MUSIC.

'And now! Have a listen to one of our favorite hits! A tune to surely get you grooving! It's California Lo~ove!'

"YEAH! 2-PAC!!" Disco cheered as the music began, with its signature 'California Lo~ove' that he knew and loved. Disco continued to drive for a while before he indicated to the right and turned onto the road that led to the WVBA's massive Car Park. It took up most of the land that the facility occupied, which made sense given how large the building itself was. It housed a huge training facility, cafeteria, and of course the World Circuit Venue. Other circuits often had their matches in separate venues in New York but majority of the time, for training, meetings or catch ups they met here. Minor Circuits venue wasn't anywhere near as big, or fancy, so Disco didn't really mind coming somewhere fancier. He navigated his little car into a park and flicked it off in its place. As he grabbed his bag from the passenger seat beside him, he saw the disgruntled form of Glass Joe pacing in the car park in his rear view mirrors.

He was muttering something to himself, it wasn't very loud so Disco couldn't hear much, but he could make out the words: "s'il te plaît", which, to his knowledge, meant please. Disco hastily hopped out of his car and made his way over to the man.

Joe's pacing was becoming a nuisance at this point, but nothing was working to take the stress off of his mind. He was becoming overwhelmed and flustered, for no real apparent reason, but every so often he muttered something in French, and the name Jordan always slipped out. He gripped his sides and trembled as his pacing began to speed up. Suddenly, a firm hand was placed on his shoulder and he turned to see Disco Kid staring at him with worried eyes. "Joey, what's wrong man?" He asked, calmly, "You seem REALLY tense", "Oh! Mon dieu, Devon you scared me" Joe replied as he grabbed at his heart, "Sorry, I-I was just…uhhh thinking"

"About?"

"Oh…um…yesterday, mais ça n'a plus d'importance maintenant" Joe said, flicking the younger man's hand away, brushing himself off and making his way back inside. Disco stared for a bit in mild disbelief before shaking his head and following, "Nah, nah nah! Hold on!" Disco called as he ran to catch up to the Frenchman, "You were just pacing up and down like you were on fire and you gon' walk away and say it was nothing?", "Oui" Joe said bluntly.

"Why? Whats up?" 

"Devon, please not now, yesterday was hard enough as it is"

"How come? Why were you all so riled up about it?" Disco asked, as he and Joey made their way through the entrance. Joe only shook his head, "I'd just prefer to not talk about it"

"Come on, Joey"

"Devon, please"

"No, come on! You're hiding something from me!"

"Devon, stop I do not wish to talk about it any longer" 

"Joey, please! Just tell me-"

"There problem here?" Another voice called. Low and behold, Soda Popinsky was seen making his way over to the duo. “Nikolai…um” Joey began, he and Disco giving each other a look before the latter pushed past and held a finger up to the giant Russian man. A move he wouldn't have made before but for some reason he was beginning to become frustrated by everything so he needed to lose some steam. "Joey is hiding something from me!" He yelled, "I know it has something to do with yesterday so SOMEONE better start talking and fill me in!", "OK! Calm down, Иисус Христос" Soda said, grabbing the young boys finger and pulling gently aside. To no real avail, as Disco put it right back up again, continuing his rant.

"I will NOT calm down! Y'all were REAL talkative when it was Macky on the hot plate but now that it's you, y'all suddenly all hush mouth!" Disco yelled, catching the attention of several other people in the workplace. More importantly, catching the attention of three other boxers just off to the far right. Tiger and Hugger couldn't have looked less interested, but Bull had eyes of fury glaring right towards Disco. "Okan," Tiger said quietly, as he saw the older man grip at his arm and clenched his fists tightly. Hugger merely looked away and closed his eyes, knowing what was going to result. "Okan, do NOT" Tiger said firmly, looking at the man, but to no avail as Bull began to stomp his way over to the impending situation. Tiger looked to see a very uncomfortable Soda and a distressed Joey being yelled at by the younger man, with Bull thundering towards them. As much as he wanted to stay out of it, he knew he needed to intervene if Disco wanted to keep those sparkling jewels of his. Tiger gently grabbed Hugger by the wrist and gestured his head towards the group. Reluctantly, Hugger got up and the two followed Bull hastily to ‘hopefully’ prevent any broken bones. 

After a full 1 minute of ranting, Disco FINALLY managed to calm himself down and get a hold of his behavior. Though whether or not that's because he saw Bull approaching was up in the air in his mind. “Look, I’m sorry” Disco said, in a much lower tone, “but I’m getting tired of people keeping secrets…it’s not fair for us younger guys who might want to know”, “Is not your business to knowing!” Bull said sternly. 

“BUT WHY!?” Disco asked, “What is it you’re so afraid of us knowing about Jordan!?” 

As soon as those words left his mouth, the older boxers all stood frozen in place. Faces frozen in shock and horror, like they witnessed Disco murder a man. Tiger's face however didn't seem to have the same level of shock and more of a curious gaze as he shook himself and gave a small smirk. “Oh, is that it?” he asked, almost unamused, “Honestly, you should’ve just asked earlier, I would’ve told you”, “Tiger, NO!” Bull yelled, grabbing at the younger man's hand, “We not mean to speak of him!” But Tiger simply pulled his hand free and continued on, gesturing for Disco to follow him.

“Finally” Disco said to himself, as he followed the man. The other four boxers shared a concerned look as they followed the two off to a small alcove. There were several pictures of old boxers, obviously these were boxers who were long gone. 

“You see, Devon, Jordan was one of the most well known boxers of our time” Tiger began, “Beloved by many, a friend, a father, a brother, a son…an idol! But alas, much like many other legends, his time would end much sooner than any of us could’ve foreseen”

Disco continued to stare in intrigue as Tiger floated towards a photo frame of a man with dark skin, stubble, bushy hair and a smile similar to his own. In fact, his whole face was similar to his own. “What happened to him? He die or somethin’?” Disco asked, Tiger nodded in response. I didn’t mean it “It was a very tragic death…one straight out of a movie yet…it felt so real…” he said, unaware of the tension and unease he was bringing to his friends just behind the younger man. “You see, it was on July 2nd, 10 years ago…” Tiger explained, “A rookie fighter was working his way up through the ranks, and he had quite a lot of potential too! Would’ve become the champion if not for that night”

“Why? What happened that night?”

“Well, you see the rookie had challenged Quickie to a match that night, but the ring was still undergoing heavy repair after the rookie's bout with Soda the previous night, so Quickie declined.” Tiger said, “That’s enough, Vihaan” Hugger said quietly, Disco turned, only now noticing the crowd behind him. Tiger however didn’t listen, and continued his story.

“However, Doc Louis was a very persuasive bloke, he convinced Quickie to give the match a chance, even in the broken ring! And of course WVBA officials back then wouldn’t care about the conditions, if both parties wanted a match then they would get a match”

“Vihaan, cut it out”

“Quiet, Elliot,” Tiger said, as he slowly started getting closer to Disco’s face, “Anyways, Quickie of course accepted and the fight went on. It was a very impressive bout, heading all the way into the 3rd Round. It was the last minute on the clock and Quickie was going to land his signature move! Flash Dynamite!”

“Vihaan, STOP IT”

“But he got his leg caught in the ropes of the ring, due to the ring's poor condition. But No one knew, not the ref, not the opponent, not even the crowd! It wasn’t until the Rookie took the final blow that shit started hitting the ceiling”

“VIHAAN!” 

“BAM! He was tossed into the ropes, his body mangled and strewn about like a ragdoll, his screams echoed throughout the auditorium! We all dashed from the locker room to go and help him but by the time we got there-”

“VIHAAN CUT IT OUT I SWEAR-”

“HE. WAS. DEAD”

Those words echoed through the little alcove. Silence lingered until the two looked behind them to see the 4 boxers all with panicked and distressed faces. Soda looked lost, Hugger was tense and shaking, Bull had his hands over his ears and his head turned down, and Joey was hyperventilating big time. His eyes were glazed over as if he wasn't there and stinging of tears but nothing came out. It was then Tiger realized he had made a mistake. He held his hand over his mouth and quickly ran to the side of his friends, gently holding Hugger’s hand. “I’m sorry I-”, “I told you to cut it out” Hugger replied through gritted teeth. The younger man pulled his large friend into a light embrace as Hugger wiped away a few stray tears, nuzzling his face into his friend's shoulder. It was clear that Jordan had made a very big impact on the lives of his friends. His death hit him harder than he believed. Yes, he was long gone and sure he never knew him, but that didn't take away from the fact that he had friends here who missed him. Friends who were probably traumatized by the event. Seeing him there. Just dangling. Dead. Something that Disco overlooked in his anger. Something that Tiger REALLY forgot in his explanation, oddly. It was a lot to take in but as much as it answered all those questions, it also gave him plenty more to ask. What did he mean? Why did the Rookie do what he did? What happened to the rookie? To the ref? Everything piled up at once and Disco really wanted to pry, but he knew that in doing so, he could open up more cans of worms than he would've liked to deal with. 

So instead, Disco only stared in disbelief, “Jeez man, and you all had to see that?” he asked quietly, scanning the faces of the five in front of him. All five boxers nodded or gave some form of ‘yes’ through a hum or grunt. The younger man sighed, turning to face the portrait again, he shook his head, “I’m sorry…ya’ll didn’t deserve that…" He spoke, coming up to them and putting his hands inside his jacket pocket in embarrassment, "...but why hide it from us?” he asked, being careful with his words.

“Because it…it hurts to talk about” Joey said shakily, wiping at his eye.  “That night was the last that we had ever seen of him” Tiger said, quietly, “It was horrible, but such is the life…we lost…so much…a friend…a brother…a father-", "Father?" Disco asked as he looked back to the picture, "He had a kid? What happened to 'em?"

Another very poor choice of words as a choking sound was heard. The young man turned his head to see Joe finally let loose a steady stream of tears. Disco held a hand to his mouth as he held the older man's shoulders. Joey's weight collapsed in Disco’s arms as he wept. His cries are loud and painful. This was the aforementioned can of worms he was trying not to open. Fucking lotta good that was doing him. He let the frenchman nuzzle his face into his shoulder as he gently embraced him, before turning his gaze to the other boxers. None of them dared to look at the younger man. Aw fuck, Now I've done it.

Disco gulped as he eyed the older men. Silence lingered for a while until Bald Bull finally spoke up. "We…we don't…" He began, before pausing to look at the younger man furrowing his brow in frustration. He wasn't going to be satisfied with the same answer he had been getting all morning before this point. After all they had practically spelled it out for him already…or rather Tiger had, so really, what damage was being done by spilling a bit more? The man sighed and shook his head before giving a stern look at the boy, "We don't LIKE to speak about him…His son…but we know that he go back to Lansing…where he belong", "Lansing? Michigan?" Disco exclaimed, "That boy is all the way in MICHIGAN without his dad?"

"I…would hope" Bull said bluntly, leading Tiger to speak up once again, "His mother is still in Michigan so he's not without family but…" He trailed off, looking back at his friends, Joey still shedding tears like no tomorrow, "...well we do miss him…haven't heard from him in a long time." Disco gave a small nod as he felt Joey finally pull away from him. The Frenchman gave one last sniffle before he shot the younger boy a disapproving look. Usually he'd shrug that off, but getting it from GLASS JOE of all people was another kind of hurt. Disco sighed and gave an apologetic look in return. "I'm…sorry I pushed" Disco said, "I was just overwhelmed by all of this…" He threw his hands about in a notion to gesture to….something, but nothing really came to mind. The word he was looking for…he couldn't find. So he continued, "...just this…it was annoying being left out cause it seemed EVERYONE knew about it except ME!" He said, quite loudly. He took a step back and took a few deep breaths to regain himself, "...Look I promise I won't ever bring this up again…but please…no more secrets", "We can't….really promise much" Soda explained, "Something like this? Confidential. You NEVER meant to know…most other stuff about WVBA is same", "But we'll try ya hoser" Hugger added.

All five older men shared a look between each other before nodding and turning back towards Disco. "You have our word" Joey said quietly, "No more secrets", “...Thank you” Disco said, smiling. Just then, the front entrance to the building slammed open, the group turned to see Mac coming through the door, panting and exhausted. “Must’ve run here” Tiger jokes, causing a small chorus of laughs from the others. “Come on let's go'' Joe spoke, leading everyone out of the little alcove. Disco went to follow suit, until another question arose, “Hey, Vi?” he asked. Tiger turned around, “Yes?”, “Sorry I know I said I wouldn’t bring this up again but I need to ask…what was his son’s name?” Disco asked. Tiger sighed, and nodded, “It’s fine…his name was…Dean…” he explained.

“Dean?...hm, Kinda queer”

“Pfft, you’re one to talk” 

The two younger champions laughed, Disco nudging Tiger playfully as they followed the others. As they began to exit however, Disco noticed Kid Quick’s portrait was slightly tilted. “Oops!” he said, chuckling, “Can’t have that”, he moved back towards the portrait and adjusted it until it sat straight once again. Nodding at this job, Disco turned to walk away, but saw something sticking out from under the frame. Carefully he pulled it out and examined it. It appeared to be an old crumpled photo. A VERY old crumpled photo, by the feel of it, but he couldn’t see the image very clearly due to the dim light of the room. He saw on the back, written in faded ink, the words: Denise, I’m sorry. 

Intrigued by the mysterious picture, Disco takes it, folds it neatly and places it into his shirt pocket before following the others out to the lobby. 

--------------

The day had continued as usual from then on. The boys all gathered to train and Mac made sure not to knock anyone else into the ropes lest he want to lose his boxing privileges again. Mac looked over to the older crowd of boxers and gave them a worried wave, though it seemed only Tiger noticed as he was the only one to wave back. Typical. Mac continued on with his workout, intense skipping, bag work and core workout. Overall he was getting exhausted, especially considering the shit day he had today, this wasn’t as pleasant a thing to come back to. Nonetheless, he still puts on a smile when going to greet his Irish friend. Aran was certainly looking in better shape now that he wasn’t caught inside the ropes. Guffawing away at his own joke while Don continuously fixed his toupee. “Hey, Ryan” Mac greets, “Your neck ok?” he asked, the Irishman eagerly nodded, “Yeah! A wee bit itchy but otherwise I’m all Rainbows Boyo!” he exclaimed. Don rolled his eyes with a smile at his friend before turning his attention to Mac, “Are you ok, niño?” he asked. Mac gave a small smile and shrug of his shoulders, “Eh, I’ll get there” he admitted, before noticing Macho Man coming out of the bathroom, grabbing at his eyes. The teen cocked his head in confusion before shrugging it off and wiping his brow from the sweat.  “I’m gonna go grab a drink, you guys wanna come with?” Mac asked, “Nah, I’m alright Macky,” Aran said, Don shook his head, “Lo Siento, I’ve got to get onto the Hologram and practice”

“Alright then, see ya in a bit” Mac said, as he walked towards the exit. Just by the exit of the gym was a water fountain. Most of the time Mac didn’t need to use it, but today he had forgotten to bring his drink bottle from home, and couldn’t be bothered going back to get it. So the water fountain would have to do. He opened his mouth and allowed the water from the tap to pour, the stream wasn’t very big so he had to maneuver his mouth a bit to get the water in (Shut up and stop being dirty minded lmao).

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a lanky, hooded figure standing out in the lobby, walking around. He didn’t question it at first…until he saw Giovanni walking right next to him. “No…” Mac said to himself, “...No he…he didn’t”, he said astonished, a smile slowly forming on his lips. He looked back to make sure no one was watching, most of all Doc. When he saw he was in the clear, he sneakily pushed open the door and made his way out to the lobby. 

[rowyn-writes]

Cinnamon and Sugar

Chapter Three

Warnings: language, fluff, mentions of a toxic relationship, small angst

Characters: Dean, Reader, Benny Lafitte (mentioned only)

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Dean let you sit in his car until the rain let up a bit. "God, I hate the rain." He grumbled.

"I love it." You whisper, your eyes wandering the parking lot. "When I was younger, and there was a thunderstorm, me and my siblings would make a fort and huddle underneath it together. We loved it when the power would go out. We would light candles and grab flashlights and play board games in the dark. Sometimes Andrew would read to us. But uh - it would be scary stories," You smiled. "He would scare the ever living crap out of us. Lena and Josh would would cuddle into my side, no matter how much I hated it, they would still do it."

"You really love your siblings." Dean noted, swallowing hard, memories of Sam flooding his head.

"I do." You nodded. "They're all I have. Sure, I have my parents, but it's not the same, you know? Growing up, my siblings and I fought like dogs and cats, but we knew each other better than anyone, even our parents. Even when I go months without seeing them, when we all get together, it's like we're still little kids, ya know? We goof around, we argue, we joke. It's like none of us ever grew up."

Dean stayed silent for a moment, and you weren't sure if your message was getting across. "Look, I know we don't know each other very well, but what I'm trying to say is, call your brother. I don't know what happened between you two, but it's obvious that you love him. You shouldn't waste all your time worrying about whether you should contact him first or if he's angry with you. Time is a precious thing and people often waste it."

"Damn, you're wise." Dean gave a quiet chuckle. "But you're right. I will call him soon, I'm just not ready yet." And with that, the Impala was enveloped in silence again. That is, until Dean's stomach let out a loud rumble. "Sorry," He apologized with a sheepish grin.

"Don't worry about it." You shrugged. "It looks like the rains letting up. Do you want to come inside and I can fix you some food?"

"Oh, I don't want to impose." He shook his head.

"Nonsense. You gave me a ride home, this is the least I can do."

Dean silently debated whether or not he should take you up on the offer, but ultimately agreed, seeing as he was starving. By the time you were under cover, you were both soaked.

As soon as you opened the door to your apartment, you were met with a warm blast of heat. A pleasant shiver ran down your spine.

You began to click your tongue, calling out for your moody cat. "Storm, c'mere buddy." Your cat glared at you stubbornly from his place on the window seal. You rolled your eyes, slipping off your jacket and hanging it over the back of the chair.

"Sorry," You apologized to Dean. "My cat's being a little bitch." The man let out a laugh at your comment. "I gave him a bath and clipped his claws yesterday; now he's pissed at me."

"How in the hell do you cut a cat's nails?" He questioned, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Very carefully." You noticed that Dean was shivering. "Let me grab you a towel. I think I have some of my exes clothes. You're about the same size."

He was going to object when you silenced him with a look. You went to your room and began rummaging around in your draws, eventually finding a pair of black sweat pants and a grey hoodie.

"Try this," You said, handing Dean the clothes. "They should fit. You can change in the bathroom; it's the first door on the right."

While Dean went to change, you did the same. You exited your bedroom dressed in a pair of black leggings and a UK sweatshirt.

You noticed that Dean still wasn't out yet, so you went to start some food. You contemplated on what you should cook before ultimately deciding that mac and cheese would do. It was a comfort food, after all.

It would take a bit longer than usual, since you were making it from scratch, but Dean had said earlier that he had nowhere to be.

"Smells good in here." Dean noted when he walked out of the bathroom. Seeing him in Michael's clothes made your heart stop for a second, and not in a good way.

Dean and Michael had many similarities, the hair color, height, demeanor, etc. And you didn't want to be reminded of that man.

"Thanks," You said nonchalantly. "It's nothing special, but I thought you'd like it."

"So," Dean started, leaning against the counter. "This is a nice little set up you've got here."

"It's not much, but it's home." You shrugged as you stir the pot of noodles. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Storm sneaking around the corner of the kitchen, hoping for some food or a treat.

"How long have you lived here?" Dean asked.

"About five years." You informed him. "Ever since I turned eighteen I've been living on my own."

"How come?"

"You know the thing parents always say? 'As long as you live in my house, you follow my rules'? Well, I didn't like their rules so I got myself this apartment and I've lived here ever since."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, my old man was like that too. I actually did the same thing as you did. 'Cept I came back 'bout a week later." He laughed. "I was too dependent on my dad and brother. I have never lived alone before then; and to be honest, I hate living by myself. I still do."

"You never got roommates?"

"I had a few. There was Mick and Cas. Of course, I can't forget Benny." He grinned. "But they're all gone now."

"Benny?" You mumbled. "As in Benny Lafitte?"

"Yeah, why? You know him?"

"Do I?" You rolled your eyes. "That idiot's my cousin."

"Really?" Dean said excitedly. "I haven't heard from him in ages, how's he doing?"

"He's loving by the coast, and the last I heard, he met some girl named Andrea and he is head over heels in love."

"That's great." Dean smiled. "I really happy for him."

"Yeah, I expect to get an invitation to his wedding so enough. The way he talks about her, you would think he's known her his entire life."

"That's sweet. Benny seems like the guy that falls hard after one date."

"Oh yeah, he definitely is." You giggle. "He calls me after one date and says, 'Y/N, I think I'm in love. If I sent you a picture of a wedding ring, would you look at it and tell me what you think?'"

"No way!" Dean laughed.

"Yes! I had to talk him down from buying an engagement ring! I told him to wait for a year and a half, and then revisit the subject of marriage. Times almost up and he's still fawning over her. But I'm happy for him, he definitely deserves this."

You sprinkled bread crumbs on top of the Mac and cheese before popping it in the oven for a few minutes.

"You put break crumbs on your mac and cheese?" Dean questioned.

"You don't?"

"Never tried it." He shook his head.

"You caveman." You sighed. "I will just have to train you." Dean gave a harmonious laugh, which, in turn, made you laugh as well.

You grabbed a towel and pulled the mac and cheese out of the oven. You scooped some onto a plate and handed it to Dean. Both of you sat down at your small kitchen table and began to dig in.

"Oh my god." Dean said, his mouth full with food. "That is the best mac and cheese I've ever had."

"See? Told you it would be good."

"I'll never doubt you again." He mumbled as he shoveled more into his face.

You ate in a comfortable silence until there was a knock at your door. "I'll be right back." You told Dean as you opened the door.

"Mr. Pierce." You said nervously. "What can I help you with?" You knew what he wanted. And you sure as hell didn't have it.

"You're behind on rent, Y/N. I need the money, or I'll have no choice but to evict you." You felt your heart drop to your stomach.

"I-I don't have it right now. My hours have been cut and I-"

"I'm sorry, Y/N. You're a good girl, but I need someone who will lay rent on time every month. I really hate to do this, but I want you out in two weeks."

"I-It's okay, Mr. Pierce," You assured him shakily. "I understand." And with that, he was gone. You gave a shaky breath as you leaned on the door.

"Y/N?" Dean called, approaching the living room. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I will be." You nodded.

"What happened?" Dean questioned gently.

"I just got my eviction notice." You deadpanned. Dean's mouth popped open in shock. "I have to be out in two weeks."

"Crap, sweetheart. I'm sorry. What are you going to do?"

"Couch surf for a while, maybe? I know Jo will let me stay with her for a couple of days, but if her landlord catches me there, he'll throw her out too."

"What about your parents?"

You gave a cold laugh. "No, they'll never let me come home. I would stay with my older brother, but he's overseas right now. So honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do."

Dean stayed silent for a moment before speaking up. "You could come live with me." He suggested.

"Dean, I really appreciate the offer, but I can't impose on you like that."

"It's okay," He assured you. "I have an extra bedroom. And it's not imposing if I'm asking. Besides, like I said before, I hate living on my own."

"Dean, we barely know each other." You tried to reason.

"Hi, my name is Dean Winchester, I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women." You let out a loud laugh. "There, now you know more about me."

"Dean-"

"Just think about it. If you can't find anywhere else to live, my door's always open. I have to go, but here's my number," He said, writing down his phone number on a sticky note. "If you need anything, call me." Dean gave you a small smile before he walked out the door.

You flopped on the couch, staring up at  ceiling. Storm jumped up on your chest, purring loudly. You gently scratched his back. "What should I do, Storm?" You asked. "Would you want to live wYou flopped on the couch, staring up at  ceiling. Storm jumped up on your chest, purring loudly. You gently scratched his back. "What should I do, Storm?" You asked. "Would you want to live with Dean? You seemed to like him." Storm gave a tiny meow, his eyes closing shut. "Real big help there, buddy."ith Dean? You seemed to like him." Storm gave a tiny meow, his eyes closing shut. "Real big help there, buddy."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Tag List:

Cinnamon and Sugar Tags

@vicmc624 @lovememisha @supernatural-jackles @laycblack

Dean Tags:

@akshi8278​

And if anyone else wants to be added to any tag list, let me know!

[its-toasted]

Who do you still handwrite to?

I've been making a letter for a very good friend. One of my OGs. We'll call them Blue. I think I always try to write to you like Mac or Blue.

Blue is not like their name but if I could tell you everything you'd understand just how it wrote itself. They are a korean genius who I adore. We grew up in church together and that says a lot for me. It's funny, who and what remained for me from church. We are world-class platonic support partners. In crime. In spirit.

The letter was supposed to be a letter. No shit. But so, so many times I would write things and not send them because it be like that, and we are blessed to have apple products, and a couple months ago I just ended up writing to her in a pocket journal. Straight up I still haven't sent it lol, it's about one-third full now. They are well aware and fuming.

Btw I have some very nice empty journals, some quality vessels acquired over the years, and out of all of them I chose some bullshit LOL (y'all gotta hear me say bullshit), this is basically two staples and two stitches. It is well-ruled baby looseleaf wrapped in an index card. It fits in pockets like a dozen dollar bills. Ok I guess I kinda like it.

ANYWAYS THE LETter to Blue has been in progress since May. Everything shifted in May and the floodgates opened for the first time in a long time so it was nice to start writing by hand again too. Home became a liminal space. I was living in a hotel for a while and looking for a new place. Blue is someone I've always been honest with. We talk enough that they stay on my mind. I think when I write personal posts to you, the void that is tumblr, I try to spill like I would to my brother or Blue. People I'm automatically myself around. It's my substitute for therapy.

My brother is Mac. I decided not to change his name, it didn't feel right. I don't think he'll mind. He is absolutely the light of my life. I can't seem to write anything about him that isn't a huge cliche. Favorite face, saving grace, et cetera. I don't deserve him at all, you don't understand. Or maybe you do.

I can't help but feel like growing older just means having fewer and fewer people like Mac and Blue. So many people I once lived my life with are just elsewhere, you know? That's nobody's fault it's just life. You can only keep so many people in pursuit. At some point you're just checking up on each other, and at some you even forget to do that. It doesn't really get easier to swallow but we're trying to keep our eyes down the field and stay in stride these days. Since being stuck is less than ideal. I don't want to go back there soon.

Writing by hand is just different. Somehow, this was the original purpose of this post. I've been blessed to have some damn good handwriting penpals over the years. So often now since our lives are in screens, handwriting is an afterthought. But spilling to Blue since May makes writing feel as sacred as it used to. It's deliberate and painstaking and a choice made for the sake of a different touch. And it's pretty in-line with when I started posting more here again too.

There's a lot I'm too much of a mess to say right now: A Memoir. I am sitting in a room that is workfire ablaze as we speak so uh I should maybe deal with all of this first. Like no really I'm about to get lost in the sauce. The only way I fuck up this gig is if I keep letting myself slip like this. We'll call today (and yesterday) an exception for self care.

Edit: It's 3 AM and I'm all caught up, feeling like a hunnid bucks. I drank too much coffee help

[eberles]

okay lil backstory on the the cute boy from student council. basically i've always known him but we've never been close or anything. i've always found him cute but he had a girlfriend for the longest time so i never made any moves or anything because his now ex gf is literally psycho. so on tuesday, we had our first work day and we're making small talk or whatever but he's been neighbors with my best friend for 10 years so he was already comfortable around her and since we're best friends, he starts warming up to me as well. it's now lunch time and my best friend is getting hungry and so cute boy asks us if anybody wants mcdonalds and so he buys us all mcdonalds free of charge and he asked us questions to make sure that we would be able to eat something we liked and giving us options on what to eat and so we settle on a meal that includes 2 big macs, 2 10 piece chicken nuggets, and 2 fries. and so he asks me and my best friend what sauces we want for the chicken nuggets, 2 ranch and 1 bbq. however, my best friend has dance practice at 12 so she had to leave early so she told cute boy to just bring it to the dance room when it comes. it comes and he's been pronouncing my name anything but the actual way you say it even though he knows how to say it correctly and so this girl says it's pronounced this way and he goes "it's our thing" and then i took the chicken nuggets and 1 ranch to bring to my friend and im looking for the second ranch and there's only 1 ranch, 1 bbq, and 3 sweet and sours no one asked for so cute boy hands me my bbq and he goes i'm really sorry there's only one bbq and im dying inside because he didn't have to apologize or anything but he still did. later on, he and our class president reorganize the closet so i have to trace our drawing by myself and then luckily i had help from my friend to bring the projector back to the room and cute boy is there and he didn't see me because i had my mask on and he goes "im gonna check on *insert my name*, maybe she's in the dance studio" and then he saw me and was like "oh, she's right here" and then hugged me and i was literally melting inside. then, yesterday, we had way more conversations and really got to know each other and we were talking abt what tattoos we wanted, what we want to major in, etc. and then he played music and mac demarco came on and i started humming and he was like "you know mac demarco?" and i was like "yeah, i love him" and he was like "fuck yeah, he's my ringtone." and he was like "if you ever go to your best friend's house, you should just ditch her and come to mine." and then we really opened up to each other and he was talking abt how mentally drained and unhappy he was with his ex and how he tried to commit suicide and that's why he wants to help people through their trauma and go into psychology and i talked abt how fucked up my family life is and he was like "if you ever need anyone, please talk to me. if you need somewhere to stay, you can stay at my house." then, he shared starbucks with me. and then he tried to get me to run for homecoming princess because he's running for homecoming prince and i was like "no, not at all" because it's not my scene and he was like "i think you'd win" and then we were walking back to the room but i forgot my mask and i went back to get it and he waited for me and he was holding a roll of paper and he made it look like he was gonna hit me so i hit him and he said "i would never hit you" and im gaining feelings really fast but i know he's just hoeing around because he's talking to some girl rn but they've made it clear that they're just fucking and he can pursue whoever he wants and i need him to stop playing with my feelings like i'm fine with just being friends but he's just so naturally flirty and he's so comfortable around me and ughh. anyway, this was really long but imma go into another work day rn so i will update you after.

omggggg wow first of all thank you for providing all the details bc i literally loved reading this!! the fact he wanted to check on you 😭😭 that’s so cute and he hugged you!! omg i love it!! definitely just be careful as far as your heart goes, but otherwise i say have fun!!! he seems to like you in my opinion and opening up about personal stuff is a good start!! pls keep me updated if anything else happens🥰 i’m rooting for y’all

[pbandjesse]

Sitting in James's apartment right now. I cleaned in here because every time I come here when I haven't been here a few days it seems like the whole place explodes. Every time. But it's fine. I'm having a nice day. There was a bit of a stressful moment this morning but everything has worked out since then. The morning was bad with the afternoon was good.

I slept okay. I woke up around 8 and laid in bed for a while. I was going to get out of bed at 9:30 but decided to just get up after I finish going through Tumblr. I got up and dressed. I love my makeup. There was no food I was interested in. My plan was to walk my sculpture to the dentist office and then bike down the harbor to see James before I got brunch and then went to the museum. All of that went wrong.

First off I walked all the way to the dentist office because the website said that they were open. But for whatever reason they were closed. I guess maybe there are by appointment only. And then I took the sculpture back home because I didn't want to carry it with me. And so I was annoyed and hot by the time I got back.

But I just left again to go down to the harbor. I got down there and got to say hi to James. And then I started going towards the museum. I went up to the shopping center and sat at the counter at the diner. Have a nice conversation with the guy next to me. And then I get a text from Jessica asking where I was. Because even though I asked multiple times this week what time I was supposed to be there. And was told I was supposed to be there at 12:30 because the party started at 1:30. I was apparently supposed to be there closer to 10 AM. Because the party actually started at 12 and I was supposed to be there an hour before the party began and a half an hour before the setup was allowed which was 11. That was not what I was told at all. When I talked to Jessica when she trained me on Wednesday she said to be here at 12:30 or I could even come as early as 12 if I felt like I needed some more time to set up. The schedule that was sent out so that the program are supposed to do was from 2 to 3. If the party started an hour before the program and I was supposed to be here an hour before the party that means I should be there at noon. But the email they sent out yesterday said that the program were happening until 2:30. Okay. But the schedule still said in the email that I was scheduled from 12 until 2:30. There was nowhere in any of the information I was supposed to be there at 10:30 am. No one ever said this to me and so I was waiting on my breakfast and was really really upset. Jessica text me and I told her what are you talkin about I'm not supposed to be there for an hour. But apparently the party people were already there. So I switched my food to a to-go order and got over there as fast as I could but I was still a half an hour late. I was really angry. Multiple times I had checked about what time I was supposed to be there because this was my first birthday party and I didn't want to mess it up. No one told me anything about being there closer to 10:30 or 11. So that gave me so much anxiety and I was very upset.

Thankfully the birthday party people were great. They were a lovely family and we're super understanding and seemed to really like me. But I think it affected their lack of a tip at the end of the birthday. It's fine but after being told by multiple other people that they get tips at birthday parties I was a little perturbed that my being late because of being misinformed probably affect the back. It's fine. But still.

But the birthday party was fun. I helped them set up and got everything I needed. I went and had my lunch that I brought with me from the diner. I set up the program. The birthday boy was very tall for 8 and was a real big sweetheart. The whole group of boys that was at the party were very loud but a good time was still had by all. I really wanted one of their cupcakes but I wasn't going to ask. I gave him a mini tour and turned on some machines for them. Left them in the video game exhibit before they had their lunch. Then came and got them and did the roller coaster project for about 40 minutes. Because the mom felt they were being a little bit too crazy. But that's okay. Two of the four groups actually built the roller coasters. The birthday boys groups decided to beat each other with the tracks. So the mom made him sit out for a few minutes. Still a really fun time.

Everything got cleaned up pretty quickly. They help me put the tables back and they really didn't need me for much of clean up time. So I kind of hovered but didn't want to be in the way but also didn't want them to think I wasn't willing to be there to help. But it all happened really fast and I was out of there by 2:30.

But because I had been so stressed about everything I felt bad and didn't want to go home. So I went back to the harbor and went to Marshalls. I got a new Sleeping pack for my face because I've been getting real bad dry skin again. And I got the cutest little jumper but I'm going to wear tomorrow. It's yellow and I love it so much. I went to go get James a hug at Taney and then I came home.

I got catcalled a lot on our way home today. Don't know why. But it was whatever. Had a couple conversations with my cat callers. Don't know why but I did.

Then I got home and got cleaned up. Lay down for a little while but I didn't want to be in my apartment. Someone's coming to see it at 10:30 tomorrow morning and I just felt uncomfortable. I wanted to get pizza and go sit here at James's place.

So that's what I did. I got here and I cleaned and organized. I brought one bag of stuff over and put those things away. And then I realized that my belly button ring was missing. So I went back home to get another one. It's not my favorite but it's fine. I came back here and as I was walking out my bike James rode past me and we waved at each other and said hi. He was going to his other job at the theater. But he'll be back later.

I order food and waited for it to get here. Once it did I changed and had two slices of pizza and 1/2 of a thing of mac and cheese. And now I'm just chilling. The silk that I bought for the bullet bar came so I'm figuring out the best length for that. Stretches way more than I was anticipating. But I think I have it at a good left now. Going to play around with that.

James has an overnight tomorrow but we have the whole morning and afternoon together. Maybe we'll go to the farmers market. I don't know what will happen. I just hope that it's a nice day. I hope you all sleep well tonight. Be safe out there. Good night!

[ljpaul95]

indigenous day!

Good morning! This is the first time I am waking up at 5. I sort of enjoy waking up this early it's in the middle of being a midnight junkie and an early bird. I'm not gonna lie, my body does not like being up this fucking early, but this is my challenge for the rest of the week. My mind likes it and is still waking up. I want to make coffee. You know your girl does not eat or breathe coffee. It's still early, I don't care. My true self comes from writing this shit out. I want to eventually incorporate comedy eventually in my work. Tumblr is usually my output. Or is it called that? Input? I take angy out is what I am trying to say. I almost didn't want to wake up. I almost considered waking up at 6 which is in 6 minutes. I am still yawning. I drank almost a whole bottle already compared to yesterday when I couldn't really drink any. I hope that is a good thing. If I had a treadmill or a gym in my room, I think I would be walking on it right now to wake me up cuz at work that's what I do.

Anyways, indigenous day. HAPPY MF INDIGENOUS DAY! Honestly, I am happy for the steps our people are taking. It was just last year, I believe, when they had it start being that instead of that other name. You know, before he inflated our shit. I'm not political, but I'm just throwing anything around. I really really hope my blogs do not affect any part of my being towards the near future because I CAN be very blunt with things especially when I know I am a nobody. I just bring in bypass and kiss my bf watching Netflix and fucking.. pls don't :)) don't cancel me. It got close with job corps tbh that is another story to talk about in the future. Fucking hell man. The one thing I hate more than sugar killing teeth or whatever, is sneezing. Fuck allergies man. I can't even think right now. This is too damn early for a body whose mind thought "itch me violently" the night before. I'm still learning so I think many shit are interesting. Do I think indigenous day was a good thing? Absolutely fucking yes, but I think they used that shit to pacify things that were going to get worse especially Alaskans was that inflation. This gave 9/11 vibes. Not exactly the same, but I don't matter so throw that shit in the rest of the conspiracy pile like the rest of my damn blogs. It makes me wonder what our, YES OUR, principal in the local school has planned for today. I was told she was supposed to be gone yet is still lingering around. Hire me dammit. Do you know how nice it sounds to work at the school right now? Summers off, yes baby. I'm happy for OGs.

I've been avoiding speaking my own language. Not sure if I should talk about it on tumblr. It sounds more like a book content cuz it has so much things to cover than on a damn blog. Fucking bullies man. That's all I have to say. I might start cooking my shit, it's been almost an hour since I started writing this. It's not the best work but what is when you're used to waking up this hour thinking about how cold I am right now that is keeping my eyes from shutting and how I'm gonna have to pee soon and how fucking.. I need to eat and am thinking of making breakfast quesadilla. I'm sorry :)) GEE EM <3 tumblr has all of my shit posts ask her. Think I found my new title lol

this is me after fkn posting this sad shit: I'm sorry :)) this is a half assed writing. This is what I don't like about forced writing. My neck hurts, this keyboard sucks from using mac almost all my life. Life sucks is what I should post from how dirty I feel. Meh. I think I am just.. shy? It's always been me. It's fucking me. Writing by myself has been what I am yet since I posted that I do post on my tumblr, the anxious feeling of having someone read my shit is just absolutely fucking terrifying because as a fellow Capricorn, I do not take criticism easily. My mind automatically thinks FAILURE. I'm hungry now, so.. I'll talk more tomorrow.. hopefully :)) tumblr was and always a part of what takes my anger out and using it as like a daily vlog is almost crucial to me but I do my best to bring out vibes. ok ;)) gm.

[rottingfontanels]

24 june 2022

1

good morning. it's currently quarter past 10am, and i just finished my morning routine. it's a pretty small routine– i get up, brush my teeth, take my meds, wash my face, moisturize my face, and put on lip balm. then i'm all set to do whatever!

the past few days have been a bit difficult. i had three or four really amazing days, and then as soon as i got home to rest, i spiraled and ended up in a depressive episode. my routines were out the window. it reminded me a lot of when i was in high school, but this time around is a lot better even if it's still not good.

even though my mental health has been rough, yesterday i did some good things. my dog woke me up at 6am, so i got up and made sure she had everything she needed. since i was already up i had a bowl of cheerios. this is pretty big for me, since i hardly ever eat breakfast and have an overall bad relationship with eating. then i went back upstairs to relax and at some point ended up dozing off. i'm pretty sure the previous night i had gone to bed at around 1 or 2am, so napping after waking up at 6 makes sense. i woke up from my nap around 2pm, pretty upset that i wasted the day.

so i decided to un-waste it! i got dressed and went on a walk. there's a really lovely place near my house with lots of greenery, bugs, and wild animals. i walked around there and went to my favorite spot: a tree overlooking the marsh. i sat under the tree for a while, got bitten by a caterpillar twice i think, and then climbed the tree to read my book. it was really nice!

i even had some good creative ideas!! i'm currently writing and sketching out some stuff, and even thinking about rewriting this thing that i'm into that wasn't made in a text medium. i would take quite a few creative liberties and overall try to make it into a genuine book-level story. worldbuilding, setting those rules, et cetera. it would be really fun... but the first thing that comes to mind is how fast i would be to abandon it.

anyway, after my walk i got home, talked on discord a bit, drew, and then made dinner! i made kraft mac n cheese. it didn't taste very good, but i was super hungry so i ate a lot of it anyway. usually in my house, whoever cooks a meal for everyone doesn't have to do the dishes. my mom ate with me. maybe it was selfish, but i kind of expected her to do the cleanup afterwards. all that was left was the strainer, wooden spoon, and pot with the leftovers. but when i went downstairs to lock up around midnight the pot was still on the stove with the leftovers in it. i felt really sad about that. it feels like a waste of food.

i know this is bad of me, but i didn't put the leftovers away then either. i just went upstairs and went to bed. i haven't been downstairs yet this morning to see if the pot and leftovers have been put away.

i also had a really vivid dream last night! my dreams are hard to describe but i'll try to lay it out in a way that makes sense...

so initially it took place in this big skyscraper-like building in a downtown area. i think it was supposed to be some kind of summer camp, but the camp counselors were exploiting the kids who were sent to the camp (i was one of the kids). instead of activities, we were forced to stand at standing desks with computers, handcuffed, and draw the counselors' characters for some kind of promotional thing. all of us were struggling with drawing. we were hungry and tired and scared. the counselors were really, really scary.

at one point, i was looking around the different keys on the keyboard and pressed f1. the building's alarm went off. the f1 key must have been linked to the alarm system, and immediately i was utterly devastated. i don't think i've ever felt such helpless fear as that moment. i knew that once we were all evacuated and the counselors found out it was a false alarm, they would find whoever tripped the alarm and punish them. i don't remember what exactly i thought would happen, but i know it would hurt, and that i might even die.

as we made our way down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk right beside a main road, i was having a meltdown. i sat down on the pavement, wailed and screamed, and scraped my bare feet against the concrete until i had ground away the bottoms of my heels. i was bleeding now. i knew i was going to die. i had to do something. i was already going to die, so i decided screw it.

there were cars going by on the main road. i threw myself onto the curb, waving my bound hands and screaming for help. most of the cars kept driving, but one stopped. i tried to tell them everything– how we're trapped, they're hurting us, this isn't a summer camp, everything. but i was so frantic that i couldn't articulate it very well. the worst part was that even though the counselors are terrifying and mean and hurt us, they never left bruises. i had no physical evidence of their wrongdoings. my bloodied feet were concerning, but i had done that to myself.

the car drove away. i think two more cars stopped and i tried to tell them as well, but with the same results. finally the counselors rounded everybody up, including me. the dream goes blank at this point– i assume we were all taken back inside.

that was the main part of the dream. after that, the scenery changed to a huge building in the woods. all the kids were still in a bad situation. my feet were bandaged, but for some reason only my left foot was ground down at the heel. i walked with a limp. i think i also wore a long off-white dress, something very plain and simple. i think i was tasked with helping the younger children. i think i might have been a girl at this point.

some strange things happened, all warped by the dream. i escaped. my point of view started switching back and forth. at this point i think it's too confusing to explain, so i'll end the recounting there. that was my dream last night.

when i woke up, my eyes still closed, i genuinely thought that i would open my eyes and find myself in a twin-sized bed in a massive room filled with other beds with the other kids. i thought i was there. it was kind of scary, actually. i'm glad that i'm here now.

what's my plan for today?

i'd love to go on another walk, climb that tree again and read my book. but i really need to do laundry. i think that as soon as i post this, i'll gather up dark clothes and do that load first. then once that's washing i can tidy up the kitchen if it's not clean already. we don't have bread to make toast– i'll have some tea instead. then i can carry on from there. i should brush my dog too.

i'll mention now that i haven't proofread this entry. probably silly since this is the very first entry, but i'm not in that mood. i'm in the mood to dump out all my thoughts and feelings and be done with it. consider it organic!

okay, i should go now. bye, i'll see you soon!