#i've been really proud of my art lately and i am struggling to maintain that energy

[prismatoxic]

i love tumblr's format at its core and it is my preferred platform for longform rambling but like. the fact that my art gets exponentially more engagement on aethy is definitely making me talk more about my characters on aethy and not here 😭

like tumblr loves fanart and that's fine! i get it, it's the majority of what i engage with on here too, but i'm not like. expecting comments or even reblogs half the time. a like would genuinely go a long way, i just want to feel like i'm not shouting into the void 😔

but maybe my perception is skewed bc i always scroll back through my dash to the last post i saw. with few exceptions i really don't miss posts people i follow are making. but i remember my ex used to follow like, thousands of blogs bc it satisfied her to always have things moving. i got upset once that she never saw a damn thing i posted and she was like, oh, lol, i don't see anything anyone posts.

so, idk. i don't think people should be engaging with my OC bullshit if they're not interested. i'm mutuals with a lot of fandom people who assuredly don't care, and that's genuinely fine. i'm not asking anyone to start caring. but if you do care, if you see my art and it makes you feel some positive emotion, maybe just like it? i promise you don't actually have to say anything or put it on your blog. i just like the reassurance that it's being seen.

i could also stand to tag my OC posts with more things but uh. idk what to use. does anyone even check "original character" or "artists of tumblr" for new content??

[thespit]

Since focusing on comic work full time, I have been prioritizing one thing and moving onto the next in a timely manner the best I can. I think for the most part i've been pretty good about sticking to my schedule, the result is making more pages than I ever did and ever would have before. I'm really proud of what i've been able to accomplish so far, it would not have been possible if I didn't prioritize doing the work. It's become the most important thing that whatever trouble I run up against in drawing that if it's good enough I should take it and move on to whatever comes next, rather than dwelling on an endless number of changes that could be made. Lately I have seen around someone saying that quality is better than quantity. It did not come from a no draw this time, though I have a feeling they possibly could have been aiming their message at people who are struggling to put out pages.

From a personal standpoint, focusing on quantity is helpful in letting me maintain a level of focus and train of thought to get the work done right. Keeping details in check when it comes to what I need to do next, I don't need to write them down and I don't forget what I have to do. Not to mention that after only producing a chapter a year for 5 years, I've come to value the importance of getting things done. I may have said before, that it took me so long to complete things that I could quantify those years in art. From one event to the other, there was so much time between that things like style and skill was completely different. I am somehow, able to maintain the same thoughts and feelings in regards to future events in the story constantly, all the time, no matter how much time passes. And that reaching that point is so important to me, I never stop talking and dreaming about it. Knowing how the time has passed, how long things generally take in "comic time", the size of the story I am trying to tell and all. I can't spend every last drop of my energy trying to make everything look as nice as possible. I'd die before we even got past the first arc. A little while ago as well I saw someone say something helpful that is a rule I follow already unknowingly: Give anywhere from 60% or 70% of your effort to every page, and go full out on the things that matter the most. The fact of the matter is if you are trying as hard as you can to complete your story, then something has got to give and you'll end up having to cut from somewhere. Whether that is from the effort you give, or learning which corners to cut, learning tricks to speed up workflow, or what have you. You have to learn how to spread your energy, such a thing is very finite.

[recoverymatters]

(tagging with 🌹)Hi... I don't know where to start. Um, I don't really have anyone in my life. My parents are abusive, I don't really have friends. My sibling has a family and kids and is busy and far. I feel really dysphoric all the time and I wish I could be out as a trans guy but I'm afraid I'll get kicked out from my parents' house. I'm 20 and I still feel like a kid. I've been hearing it gets better for so long and I'm just so tired.

(ask continued) I don’t feel suicidal anymore and I haven’t self-harmed in 4 or so years but every time my mother yells at me I get the urge again. I wanna get into fights again. I just feel so useless. Anxious and dysphoric and depressed all the time. Knowing I’ll never make it as an actor because I don’t pass as male. No motivation to do anything. Scared of getting anything less than an A. I’m an honours student but all my works are late now and I get anxiety about it all. I feel like such a damn mess.

Hi lovely, 

Thank you for reaching out to me! 

I am so sorry you don’t have anyone in your life right now that you can trust, rely on or receive support from. Life is hard enough, let alone without anybody by your side. Please know that you are not alone. You have me and a fantastic, accepting community here on Tumblr who all care about you and are all rooting for you. You will never be alone in this universe, we are all on your side. 

It’s very hard when you have a sibling that lives far away and is busy a lot of the time. I wonder if you would be able to arrange a skype call or facetime call with your sibling? It’s not easy, however, even a 10-minute call or text with them can make a world of difference. You never know, it may re-kindle that sibling bond and help you both to maintain that relationship. 

No wonder you’re feeling dysphoric and exhausted all of the time. You live in an environment with people that aren’t accepting of who you are. That is not your fault. I promise, there is nothing wrong with being who you are. You are perfect, irreplaceable and valuable. I am very sorry that you are not able to come out as a trans guy without feeling afraid of being kicked out of your parent’s house. That is a difficult situation to be in and I understand your concerns. Whilst I want you to be able to come out and feel free to be exactly who you are, you need to do what is best for you right now. Which may mean waiting a few years to come out when you are in a safe and secure environment to reduce the risk of being kicked out and having nowhere to live. Your safety is a priority. You say your parents are abusive, if you ever feel that you are at risk, please please please reach out. Reach out to a teacher, colleague, doctor or other trusted person who can direct you to the right support and even help you to find a safe place to live. Again, this is very tough. But, living with abusive parents is not good for your health and wellbeing and I want you to be around people who lift you up, support you and care for you. 

Feeling like a kid is very common, I promise you. I feel this a lot too. This world can be a tough and scary place to live in and the ample responsibility that comes with being an adult can be too hard to bear sometimes. It can be us feel like we’re children in a big, scary adult world. It’s hard to have everything figured out and to know what to do, but honestly, it’s okay. It’s okay not to have everything figured out or in place yet, to not know where you’re going in life. It’s hard, it’s scary, you may still feel like a kid sometimes, but you’ll get there. Step by step.  

I won’t tell you it gets better, but, it gets easier. There are days when you’re gonna think to yourself, yes, I’ve dealt with this before. I CAN cope and I will get through. 

Well done for not self-harming in 4 years. That is truly, truly amazing and I am so proud of you!! ❤️I have just answered a question based on self-harm alternatives. Please check this out and whenever your mother yells please have a look at the alternative and fight the urge to self-harm. You have done amazingly well and I want you to know that whenever you feel low or your mother does yell, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t loved or aren’t appreciated in this world. I appreciate you and I commend you for staying so strong for so long. 

If you start to experience suicidal thoughts again, please go to your local emergency department or A&E. Reach out to a suicide hotline, speak to me, speak to an online counseller such as 7cups. Use the StayAlive app. Please don’t struggle on your own, you deserve to be alive and well. 

I know its hard, but getting back into fights is not going to do you any good. It may be useful for you to express your feelings differently instead of getting into fights. Such as a boxing class, running, swimming, karate, art or dancing. These are a safer alternative to fighting and can help you to release some of the strong emotions you’re feeling. 

Useless you may feel, useless you are not. There are things that you do every day to help yourself, to help others, to help this earth that you may not even realise. You’re an honours student who is working his butt off and trying his best to get through considering all of these circumstances, how amazing is that?

Anxiety, dysphoria and depression are all signs you may be experiencing difficulties with your mental health and it might help to get some therapy, counselling or medication to help you with that. It may not be a cure or help completely, but it might help you to focus better, feel a little more relaxed and it would be great for you to have someone to talk to.

When you’re dealing with these things all of the time it can be hard for you to do daily tasks and make it more difficult for you to concentrate. So, please DO NOT blame yourself for your works being late. You cannot manage so many things all at once and you are not any less of a person because of this. Getting A’s does not define who you are and getting any less does not mean you’re not an incredibly talented and smart student. It means that the exam/education systems put so much pressure on young people these days that they feel getting any less than an A is a failure. It isn’t. Your grades do not define you. Please try and not be so hard on yourself. If you get a B that’s great! If you get a C that’s amazing! If you get a D, E, F, G, that’s fine too! YOU and your health are far more important. 

Your motivation will come back, it won’t always be this hard. Please hold on.

Please do not ever give up on your dreams. YOU CAN MAKE IT AS AN ACTOR. You may not get there on your first try, heck, you may not get there on your 10th. DO NOT GIVE UP. Being a trans male does not mean that you can never make it as an actor. You know why? Because your talent and your skills are not any less than that of a ‘regular actor’. There are people out there who do discriminate and do not understand. Screw them. You keep trying until you find the people who are accepting and are thrilled to have you on board. Becuase they are out there,  and they are just waiting for you to stand up and show who you are and provide the world with your talent, your amazing gift and your light. 

Some transgender actors who are absolutely rocking it right now and showing the world that it doesn’t matter who or what you are, YOU ARE JUST AS TALENTED AS ANYONE ELSE AND DESERVE THE CHANCE AND OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE IT AS AN ACTOR:

1. Daniela Vega

2. Harmony Santana

3. Alexandra Billings

4. Trace Lysette

5. Ian Harvie

6. Brian Michael Smith

7. Laverne Cox

8. Elliot Fletcher 

9. Indya Moore 

10. Mya Taylor 

Please believe in yourself and your dreams. YOU CAN DO IT. I promise you. Never give up on who you are and everything you want to achieve. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that it isn’t possible or you cannot do it. 

You’re going to message me in 10 years and say. I MADE IT. I made it. I faced the judgement, I faced the hardship and I still followed my dreams and I have made it. I am a successful actor who made it through and is now inspiring others to come out and share their story. 

I believe in you.

Here are some links that may help you:

http://www.allabouttrans.org.uk/support-organisations/

https://www.lgbthealth.org.uk/services-support/transition-support/

https://www.transgender.support/

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/our-work/campaigns/come-out-trans-equality

https://www.7cups.com/

You are never alone, keep fighting. You’re brave, your courageous and you’re going to make it. I promise you.

I wish you all the best that the world can offer you. You deserve so much happiness, love and magic. 

All the best 🌟

Thanks 

RecoveryMatters