#i've been having pretty good days in general and i knew the crash would come and i knew that i'd get stressed about these things to the max

[dredshirtroberts]

y'know. i don't often hate the way my brain is and how difficult it makes certain things for me.

i do a little today though.

[its-a-me-lia]

The Sea is Calming

LA!BuggyXFem!OC

Part 1|Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7

MDNI

Warnings: Minor Cursing, trauma, OC is very stand offish.

Okay lets go

🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Ava was pretty sure he was coming, she always felt like she had to watch her back. The feelings always persisted, she spent her nights crying in her room that the captain was so very generous to give her. During the day she stayed away from the crew. She found ways to avoid the crew during the day. There was nothing wrong with them, she just hated that they stared.

Buggy was a good host, he was great even. She was nervous as to what he wanted from her. Was it money? She had none. Was is sex? Fuck that, she wasn't going near that again. Her body and mind were not ready for it. Or was it that he was just looking for companionship. She did notice that he was alone. Sure he had his crew but he was their captain and they knew their place.

So was that it?

The nights had gotten better and she did come out to watch the stars. Still avoiding the crew, but she could never fully avoid Buggy. He was always there.

She had let him stand next to her at night. He would stand in silence, enjoying another person at his side. Sometimes he would talk, as if she wasn't there and talked to himself. It was like she was getting a peak into his mind. He wouldn't give much away, just what his next course of action was. Which Island they were going to next, what they were going to do.

"The Crew thinks that I've gone soft." He said one night. His voice soft, he was deep in thought. She looked over at him, to let him know she was listening. She never talked, but she always listened.

"Do you think I've gone soft?" This time he was talking to her.

She blinked and took in a breath. "I barely know you."

Hearing her voice was like music to his ears. He hadn't heard it since they left her home island. Buggy smiled just a little. "There she is." He had admired her since she had agreed to join. What made her join so quickly.

"I'm still here." She said.

"But are you still here?" He went to point at his head and she flinched back so hard, she knocked herself over. "Darling?"

She quickly scooted away from him and cowered in fear. "I'm sorry, I'll talk more. I promise."

Buggy was confused, but his heart hurt for her. He couldn't imagine what was going on in her mind. He took a few steps back and let her calm down. She looked up and saw that he was farther away from her. He wasn't going to touch her.

"You don't have to talk, you don't have to do anything you're not willing to do. I won't force you to do anything you're not comfortable doing." He spoke slowly, and calmly. "I do want to get to know you, so that this-" he motioned to the space between them, "-doesn't happen again."

Ava had let out a shivering sob. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucked up." Her sobs racked her body. "My mind is so fucked up."

"We're all a little fucked up darling." He agreed with her.

She shook her head, still on the ground now in a sitting position. "No, no I'm fucked up Buggy."

He nodded and stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

She still had tears coming down her cheeks. "I thought I was in love. I thought I was with the man of my dreams. He quickly turned into the man of my nightmares." Ava had gotten silent and looked at her hands. "Have you ever been in love Buggy?"

The captains head nodded. "For a time I thought I thought I was going to rule the sea with someone."

"Then you know the feeling of betrayal." Oh Buggy knew that feeling all too well. He had grown quite familiar with that feeling. "You've ever been hit by the one you love? At first you thought it was an accident, then it continued to happen. And you let it continue to happen."

Buggy's heart began to sank, is this her scars? Is this what she was so afraid of.

It was quiet for a moment, just the sound of the sea. The waves crashing against the ship, the wood creaking from rocking back and forth in the water. Buggy would have thought she had left; if she wasn't sitting right in front of her.

A beat, "no, I haven't."

"Consider yourself lucky. I don't ever wish the pain I have gone through on anyone. Being in fear every waking moment of your life. Scared to breathe a certain way, to walk, to accidently bump over a cup." She felt her heart pounding, blood flowing in her ears. Drowning out the sounds of the sea.

Oh, he wanted to hold her. To cry for her. He wanted to make it so that she didn't have to hurt anymore. But that's not how this works, he can't just magically make her pain go away, he couldn't be the remedy for her heartache. This was real life. It wasn't a novel that he had read once upon a time.

"You don't have to say anymore if it hurts to speak about it." He frowned. "But know, I am here. You can talk to me. Hell you can even take your anger out on me."

"No!" she shook her head. "No one innocent deserves pain."

Buggy shrugged. "I'm not that innocent. I have hurt innocent people."

"But you're a pirate, you don't love these people. You don't keep them with fake promises of a good tomorrows, and fake proposals of a better future."

Buggy frown, but that's exactly what he has done. He was forcing people to love him. Promised them of good tomorrows and better futures when he becomes The King of the Pirates.

Ugh!

The thought of that alone, made him cringe. Seeing the way Ava had seen the world, maybe he has changed. The thought of forcing people to do things his way, to force them to love him. This wasn't the life he wanted to live anymore.

"I'm sorry." was all Buggy had said.

"I don't want your pity."

"Then you won't get it."

Ava nodded and she stood back up slowly, she walked back to wear she was standing, looking out at the dark sea.

It was silent between the two of them, Buggy had stood next to her. Kept his distance but he was careful, making sure his movements were calculated so that way he didn't scare her again.

No words were said, she laid her head onto her arms. She closed her eyes and let the ship her rock her. It was like a mothers embrace, holding her like she was a baby again. "The sea is calming."

"That it is darling, that it is."

After a few more minutes together, Ava had dismissed herself to her room. Buggy had said his goodnights and stayed a little while longer.

This was a start, he was slowly but surely getting her to speak to him. He still didn't know her name. But until she was comfortable enough to tell him that much, then he would know that he had her trust.

Until then, she would be Darling. His darling.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼

A/N: I hope you liked this update, I haven't had inspiration to write in such a long time. I was looking forward to writing this all day. I just love when inspiration hits out of no where, and I was at work. Had to tuck this away in my mind palace :)

Have a good night!

~Lia

[countrymusiclover]

24 - The Jedi Legcay Lives On

Kenobi's Future

Tag list - @supernaturalgirl30 @nanagoswife @lycaonpictusphotography @bigbendyhorns @abaker74 @haideehaids @sassycowboygoatee @jedi-archives @iifloweringnightsii @ocappreciationtag @just-dreaming-marvel @foundationsretail

Tatooine was the safest place in the Galaxy for us. If Vader came again we could be ready. We proved to him that love was stronger than the Dark Side. "I love you my Obi-wan...always and forever."

The sandy dessert of Tatooine never warmed my heart more than in this exact moment. Years ago we came to this place broken from the deaths and betrayal of Order 66. My heart was broken over the loss of my sister. The only person I trusted with my life before I met my husband. The ships door opened outside our little hut. Intertwining my right hand with Obi-Wan's he sucked in a sharp breath slowly walking down the metal ramp. The wind blows my hair around while I kept my other hand resting on my lightsaber clipped back to my belt. "Mommy, daddy. You're okay!" Padme's innocent voice broke through the air.

"Oh Padme. I've missed you." Obi-wan dropped on his knees immediately letting her fling her arms around his hug. She buried her head into him smiling with his arms tightly wrapped around her little body.

The front door of the hut opens and I don't have a second to process who tackled me almost to the ground in a hug. Stumbling on my feet I smiled wrapping my arms around Kiera's form. "I felt your force going out mom. I thought we had lost you..." She sobbed into my shirt until we broke the hug.

Squeezing her forearms she gripped my shoulders. Her hair is a reck and I could see circles under her eyes meaning she didn't sleep well. I probably looked much worse since I haven't slept or really ate good in months. Foosteps approached us where I saw Cassian and his Droid coming forward. "I'm sorry to say this but we have to go. We've been assigned on a mission by the general."

Obi-wan and I shared the same glance waiting to hear Kiera say she would leave home with him. We were going to have to accept the fact that there will come a day that our children might leave us. That is the fate for every parent. To give your children the best chance in life. "Cassian, I can't go with you like I previously thought..." She trailed off stepping up to him where he looked down since he was taller than her.

"Mommy, are they gonna kiss?" Padme stands in between the two of us as we watched the pair in front of us. Obi-wan shrugged his shoulders to her question focusing on his other daughter.

Kiera's POV

Cassian's eyes stared down at me where I wrapped my arms around myself. My lightsaber attached to my hip even though I knew the Empire would be stupid to come after us. I'm still not trusting that my parents were keeping more secrets from me but I have to stay here and protect my family. That's what the Jedi are supposed to protect the ones who can't protect themselves. "Can I know why. You seemed pretty determined on my ship?" He questioned shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

Bending my head to the ground I sigh kicking some sand up with the tip of my boots. "I'm sorry Cass. It's just...this place - I thought that I needed to see the world beyond this place. But I was wrong. I had everything I needed right here..." Grabbing my hands in mine I felt some tears slipping down my face. "My heart belongs to you. You're the first and only guy I will ever...that I'll ever love. But I have to stay here and become a Jedi before I join you. Just know I - I love you Cassian Andor."

Instead of giving me a verbal response he tugged me into his chest grabbing the loops of my belt. He cups my face in his hands crashing his lips onto mine deeply. I gasped shortly melting into his hold wrapping my arms around his neck kissing back. Leaning into his embrace I smiled into the kiss knowing that I will miss this feeling but my destiny is to keep the Jedi life alive. That's what Master Yoda told me and my sister when we were younger. Cassian cradles my face in his hands breaking the kiss. "I love you too, Kiera Kenobi...if I am being honest I never expected to find love. The rebellion is what consumed my life until I met you. The fight you have and you feel things deeply. Never change who you are. Stay my girl and when the day comes I'll be here when you're ready."

"Kiera, I'll be there for you too." K2SO raised his hand making us chuckled with grins on our faces.

Holding my hand up I lay my head on Cassian's chest with his arms wrapped around my waist kissing my forehead. "Thank you K2. Thank you both. You opened me up to something to fight for now."

Hours later I struggled to not cry when the two loaded back up on their ship and took off into the sunset. Climbing up onto the roof of our house I sit down hugging my knees to my chest staring off into the distance. The wind blows through my hair when I closed my eyes sensing someone else watching the sunset with me. It was away on a small farm leading to a boy with short brown hair watching the sunset like me. "Luke, may the Force be with you." I mumbled under my breath feeling the force flowing through him. Padme and I weren't the only Jedi children anymore.

Y/n's POV

Changing into some clean clothes I feel my husband's arms wrap around me from behind kissing my forehead. Leaning my back into his embrace I sighed in relief. This is what I was hoping to get back to. Being in his arms with our children safe and sound back home. Turning in his hold I run a hand through his hair eyeing the scar underneath his other eye. Slumping my shoulders when he looked in the mirror earlier I could see he didn't like the reminder of what he had done. "I did it protect you princess Y/n. I couldn't let Vader hurt you more than he already has. I already lost someone I considered to by my brother. I wasn't going to lose the love of my life."

"Obi-wan, look at me. You'll never lose me or the girls. I would travel the entire galaxy if it meant I would find my way back to you. If I would end up right here like this with you. Because like our daughter said you are the only man I shall love." I vowed wrapping my arms around his neck grinned brightly. Leaning up on my toes I kiss him slowly feeling him cup my face in one hand kissing me back until we felt a prescence watching us from behind.

My former smiled sitting on the foot of our bed hands on his knees. "Stop on my prescence you need not. Came to say how thankful I am on your return I have Master Kenobi."

We broke away striding over to him sitting on each side of him so he was in the middle mirriong our grins. Yoda looked up to me with a smirk on his face then looking back to Obi-wan. "Knew you would do something reckless I did. Can't be apart anymore can you two. Suprised she isn't with a third child I am."

"Master Yoda, I...we aren't that bad." I blushed deeply at his words.

"We haven't had the time to - ugh!" I elbowed my husband in the ribs seeing him rub the back of his neck with a bashful smirk on his face.

Yoda crossed his arms over his chest walking over to the opened window where we could see Kiera and Padme watching the sunset together. "Right about them I was indeed. The future they are."

"Master Yoda, do you think Kiera is still reckless to become a Jedi?" Obi asked intertwining my freehand with his. Glancing up to my husband he did have a good question. If Kiera wasn't a good Jedi then the burden fell on Padme.

Yoda turned around giving us a proud smile pointing his index finger between the two of us. "Worry not my padawan. Wrong I was about your eldest one. Faith in them I have."

"So there the future to...a new hope." I mumbled out before he nodded I'm agreement disappearing. Obi-wan draped an arm over my shoulder with me laying my head in the crook of his neck watching Kiera and Padme. Things were going to be okay as long as the Jedi legacy was in their hands.

Hi readers, this is the end of Kenobi's Future. Thank you all for reading and leaving feedback

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[porcupine-girl]

Update on my covidness. Covidity?

I'm at 4 weeks since I got sick.

I count last Monday, July 25, as the first day I wasn't actually sick anymore, so I was actively sick-sick for like 17 days. But the fatigue has barely let up - I've had a couple good days but they're usually followed by really bad days. I can basically do One Thing a day, such as helping with dinner or going with my husband to the grocery store (which turned out to be a mistake and wore me WAY out, but I hadn't left the house in three weeks and was desperate).

It's especially bad in my arms - some days my legs feel like I could probably take a walk (I haven't dared yet) but doing almost anything with my arms is exhausting. After the trip to the grocery store, where my husband did most of the work, I was reduced to playing games on my iPad one-handed, switching out hands as each one wore out.

So that's where I am now. Four weeks in I'm not sick, but I'm also hardly capable of doing anything. If this happened during the semester IDK what I would do - I have video lectures from when we were remote that I can use, but I couldn't even fucking grade in the state I'm in.

The only thing I can compare it to is when I was undergoing chemo 18 years ago. It feels so much like that sometimes it's creepy. The way I would be doing okay and then suddenly go way downhill in a matter of minutes - that happened the one time I tried to eat at a restaurant. (Our anniversary was while I was still sick-sick, and the kid was at camp for a week so since I wasn't sick-sick last Friday I was like okay I can sit in a booth and eat for an hour. And I did, and was tired but hanging in there, but around the time we ordered dessert I just crashed.)

The arm tiredness is also similar to chemo. The way some days typing or holding a book is too much for my arms, and holding a video game controller in my lap is the best I can do (I have played a LOT of ACNH let me tell you).

Anyhow. In case anyone was wondering. I really hope this lets up a bit before classes start in 2.5 weeks!

A full recap of the past four weeks under the cut:

I think my husband & son picked it up at the July 4 parade, which was a Monday. They got sick Wednesday/Thursday. Thursday night I wasn't quite sick but I felt the way I always do right before I get sick so I knew it was coming.

Friday, July 8 was the first day I was definitely sick, fever and all. (I will note that although 100.4 is technically the "fever" cutoff, my baseline body temp tends to be around 97-97.5 instead of 98.6 so I consider anything above 99 as a fever, and even though my immune system is messed up and I'm sick way more than my husband or kid it's still pretty damn rare for me to get a fever even by that measure.) Saturday my temp got up to like 101.5, when I still had a fever Sunday I tested and was positive for Covid.

At that point I thought to test my sense of smell and realized it was mostly gone. My husband realized that the problems he'd been having since his brief sickness Wednesday/Thursday were all due to covid brain fog.

Monday, July 11 I went to a grocery store clinic and got a positive test there and a prescription for Paxlovid. Took Paxlovid like a good girl for five days, but by the time I was done with it I still had a fever and was still testing positive (I tested 24 hrs after my last dose, so on Saturday July 16). I'm assuming it prevented me from getting worse, at least, but I did NOT have the miraculous "I started feeling better two days into Paxlovid!" experience that I've heard from so many others.

Finally that Sunday, the 17th, my temp dropped below 99 and stayed that way. So I had a fever for about 9-10 days straight. I was still very definitely sick, though. My bones still hurt all the time, my sinuses were a mess, headaches on and off, and I had the general "sick feeling" that is often the only symptom I get. My sense of smell and taste were still off, though smell was at least returning. I finally tested negative on Saturday, July 23 but I was still sick for another day or two.

[colossal-fallout]

Ad Victoriam

Finally got off my ass and started the fic I've been wanting to do for weeks. Maybe months? I'll be doing it chapter by chapter and eventually putting it up on Ao3.

I've made it GN as I want sole to be as relatable to you or your OC as possible.

Chapter I - warnings: None.

Chapter I

Arrival of the mechanical birds

The tangerine sunset always looked gorgeous from the Castle; the sparkling glimmers skipping over the restless sea, making it appear crisp and clean – disguising the usual sickly green hue of the salted waves. But the Minutemen weren’t able to take a moment to take in the beautiful daily view they were blessed with. The usual peaceful bliss they felt in their fortress this time of day was today filled with unease, anxiety and even a little fear among the less informed.

“General. Here they come.” Preston’s familiar voice muttered from close behind his leader.

The familiar tone that seemed a lot more welcome than usual. Preston had always been a great guide to Y/N, and more-so a great friend. And as their heart fluttered at the sight of the vertibirds in the distance, heading towards the ancient garrison, his voice helped hold the glue of their stoic expression as their men and women gathered outside of the main gate to greet the guests for the evening. Preston Garvey was their pillar of strength. Always there when they needed an extra pair of shoulders to unload some weight upon. And of course, the favour was always returned.

A chilled breeze whipped around the small gathering, all eyes up towards the old Boston airport across the shimmering sea – the giant, metal, killing machines looking a lot smaller than they were in reality as they made their journey.

Five. They think to themselves, arms behind their back. They would never allow themselves to show fear in front of their soldiers. Five of them. Why would he need five?

Their trust in Elder Maxson had recently begun to dwindle, due to a few reasons. Reasons they'd went over in the confines of their room over and over again. Planning every move for as many scenarios they could possibly think of. If this were a trap – they would be ready.

A whiff of cigarette smoke filled their nostrils, the disgust of the scent still not faltering their spine of steel stance as the ebony sheen of the metal birds grew bigger by the second.

“So, what’s the deal with this guy?” Hancock asks as he inhales his hit of nicotine, gold plated flip-lighter being tucked back into his crimson pocket with an equally coral colored hand. “How much time have you spent with him? What’s his vibe?”

“I’ve spent a decent amount with him.” They reply, eyes blinking but not moving from the airport. “I’ve worked under him for a while now. He trusts me.”

“But, do you trust him?” He gestures with his hand, pointing the smouldering end of his white stick towards the incoming cavalry. “Because I don’t think many here do.” His voice was lowered so only they and Preston could hear him. Hancock is smart. He read the situation pretty well.

“We’ll see.” Their tone is soft, quiet. Their mind ticking.

Preston glances between his General and the Ghoul. “Whatever the case, it’s too late to be speculating that now. I’m sure the General has thought of every possible outcome. After all, they didn’t bring us this far by throwing caution to the wind.”

Their perfect lips part slightly in a small laugh. “That’s exactly how I got us here.”

“Okay... bad example.” He shrugs, head dipping to the right as if shaking off unwanted information. “But... whatever you did, it’s working. So, I trust your judgment.”

“I don’t.” A third voice chimes in quietly, a lilt of light-heartedness in the tone. “They once dragged me to a museum saying it would be fun. ...Tha---t place had a Deathclaw nesting inside.”

MacCready held out his hand to Hancock without even setting eyes upon him. “But, they did get us out alive, I'll give them that.”

Hancock’s beady black eyes roll as he sinks his hand into the inside of his coat, pulling out his box of cigarettes'. “You know, a ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ one of these days would be appreciated.”

“Well, I didn’t ask to be dragged to some old witchcraft creep-fest. So why would I say please and thanks?”

Hancock let’s out a gruff sigh of exasperation as he tucks his cardboard back inside. “Know what? No. No cigarette for you.”

MacCready’s broken nose crinkles. “What? Aw, c’mon! Was it something I said?”

The vertibirds were audible now; the droning hums that once filled the General with pride as they fought alongside their brothers and sisters, now transmuting into a strange dread.

“What the hell does he want?” Mac isn’t as good at hiding his unease as the rest of them, getting visibly agitated. “You know, I could take him out from the wall.”

“And have twelve to fifteen angry men in power Armour charge at us? Use your damn brain.” Preston scolds.

“I’m still a Paladin.” Y/N reminds them. “He’s still my Elder.”

“But, you’re a minuteman first, right?” Preston asks, large brown eyes pouring with his usual adorable innocence.

He’s answered with a single nod as the ground begins to vibrate; the five choppers now close enough to push Hancock to slap his hand over his hat to prevent it flying away; the strong gust of wind blowing the end of his cig off from the rest of the stick.

The landing gear deploys, a mechanical groan emitting from the machines as the engines switch off, all five of them landing in a small semi-circle around the group of gawping minutemen and their leaders.

The ground shakes as large and loud booms emit from the BoS soldiers leaping onto the soil in their robot-like suits; their faceless helmets instantly snapping to look at the group they’ve been ordered to greet.

“Paladin.” One nods to Y/N through his speaker.

They weren't sure who it was but it didn’t matter. From his armour, they knew his rank.

“Knight.” Was their reply with a curt nod as the Elder himself dismounts his personal ride; all eyes instantly gluing themselves to his stiff and proud form.

A Paladin followed – unknown identity thanks to his power armour.

“Ah Paladin.” Maxson’s authoritive voice greets as he makes his way up to the awestruck group – his eyes not once leaving Y/N's form. “I’m glad you agreed to this meeting. From what I hear, you’ve been making positive waves across the Commonwealth. I wanted to see what my underling was doing for myself. And even offer our assistance at ridding the filth that infests us.”

Underling. A power move already? They think as they remain stone-faced, falling into the salute of the Brotherhood.  “Elder. It’s an honour to have you at the Castle.”

Preston frowns at their words – gloved hands gripping his laser rifle a little tighter than intended.

“Like wise.” He returns the salute, his eyes looking... well, they couldn’t quite place their finger on it. It was a look they'd never seen from him before, yet still seemed like a familiar expression. At least from his tone, he seemed pleased. “My men here will remain outside. Only Paladin Danse will be accompanying me. I don’t want to... impose.”

“Danse?” Y/N blinks at the Paladin behind Maxson.

“L/N.” He replies with a nod.

“Ah yes. I thought it would be fitting to bring your sponsor along with us. You seem to work great together on the field.” Maxson smirks – y/n knew that was his usual smile. You’d never catch the Elder in a full-blown beam of happiness.

Y/N felt a lot better for a moment that Danse was with them. Then it came crashing down when they realised that man would run into hell for his Elder. Support from him if things went wrong probably wasn't on the cards.

“Okay, well then... shall we?” Y/N gestures towards the Castle that was now quickly falling into the shadow of twilight.

Maxon nods before turning to his small army. “Remember, we are guests here. On your best behaviour soldiers.”

A unison, robotic chant of “Yes sir!” chimed through the air before Maxson turned back to follow the General.

“It seems we have a lot to talk about.” He comments as they begin their stride.

Something in the way he said that fuelled the sense of dread that brewed deep within Y/N's stomach. Their instincts were usually right – and they were screaming that something wasn’t entirely how it seemed to be.

[eclectic-soulss]

Stuff I do to keep in touch with my spirituality...

There are lots of things we can do to keep us close and in touch with our spirituality, it all depends on what we personaly like , and of course on what our path, beliefs, and approach looks like.

Some may prefer quick little things on a daily basis, while others may prefer to do more complicated stuff every now and then. Some may prefer to communicate with deities, angels, or spirit guides, while others may prefer to take a secular or atheistic path. Some may focus on obtaining things like money, a house, nice clothes, while others may focus on obtaining spiritual alignment, connecting to source, or expanding their consciousness. That's why, the things each of us do, will look completely different and that is okay.

But in this post, I wanted to share with you some things that I do (or did at some point) that help me stay in touch with my spirituality. Maybe it could inspire you to start doing some of them or to come up with your own.

Being gentle with my natural rhythm: I cannot even begin to tell you how important this is for me, I've tried waking up at 5 to exercise and be productive, but it always felt like torture. When I decided to let my body dictate my daily rhythm things felt so much better. After a while of letting my body and my energy levels guide me, I discovered a thing called "Ayurvedic Clock" and my rhythm was so in sync with it. (I'll be doing a post about it soon). I now wake up at 7 but get out of bed at 7:30. My days officially begin at 10am, when I go for a walk with my dog and have breakfast. It is not until 12am or so that I begin to do school/work stuff. So, in conclusion, living in harmony with my body's natural rhythm has helped me tremendously in so many aspects.

Soothing and caring for my ego: I love my ego, I am grateful for having an ego because I understand that the only thing it wants is to keep me safe. So I treat it with love and compassion, every time it gets scared, has doubts, or negative thoughts, I let it know that is okay, that we are safe. I don't see the ego as an enemy, it is just a scared little friend that needs understanding, love, and reassurance. I don't have to kill my ego, I just have to calm it down with love.

Meditating with crystals: or just holding crystals in general, to me crystals are a powerful way to get myself into my desired state. If I want to be optimistic I take a piece of citrine, if I want to be true to myself I hold a piece of amazonite, if I want to do something that scares me I take with me a piece of carnelian. For me, the simple act of holding a crystal already puts me in a different mental state/ frequency.

Daily divination: Through divination, I feel connected to source energy and to akashic energy (will also be doing a post about akashic records pretty soon). Daily divination makes me feel like a messenger of the universe. And I can use those messages to guide me, pulling just one or two cards helps me go through my day much more confidently.

Listening to positive music: I used to listen to a lot of sad-angry metal, and I still LOVE that type of music. But I realised that the more I listened to it, the more I unconsciously began to think in the same way; I was hopeless, sad, angry. Changing the type of music I listen to on a daily basis has had a huge impact on my overall mood and approach to life. I now listen only to music with positive, uplifting, and loving messages. The sad angry music I let it for very rare and very specific situations.

Sunbathing for at least 15 minutes: Used to hate the sun, never got out of my house and if I did I would always try to avoid the sunlight. But when I began to embrace the warmth and beauty of the sun, something within me changed for the better. Now, sunny days make me feel so happy and positive, with a lot of energy and enthusiasm. (I actually think I may have had a vitamin D deficiency, and that's why the change was so drastic 😂). But anyway, I now love the sun so much that I even want to move to LA.

Recording and listening to my own affirmations: I loved affirmations since the first time I knew about them, but the ones I would find on YouTube wouldn't resonate with me that much. When I started writing and recording my own, things clicked. Listening to my own affirmations in a loop while meditating has been an absolute pristine way to change my beliefs and assumptions.

Scripting: I haven't done it in a while. But when I did it daily at the end and at the beginning of the day, my mood and reactions to things would match that of what I wrote. I always scripted stuff like "I am so grateful that my days are full of positivity, love, and light". And that's what I would experience, if something happened people around me (and I) would always react with love and had a positive mindset.

Sleeping more hours: I love sleeping, what can I say? On average I sleep from 8 to 10 hours 😂. It not only makes my body and my mind feel well-rested, or makes my whole mood better. But it also helps me feel connected to source and to other astral planes, and levels of consciousness. I used to communicate with Poseidon through dreams a lot. I also love to lucid dream and to analyse my dreams to decipher any messages that could be in them. A lot of my magic happens in my head, and dreams are a way for me to tap into that magic.

Drinking more water: If I don't drink enough water my whole body resents it. My head hurts, I get nauseous, I got no energy. And how am I supposed to be spiritual if I physically don't feel well?. I sometimes have to force myself to drink water, because if I don't I could go the whole day without having had a single sip, and that is not good.

Talking out loud as if someone or something was there: I don't know, I may be the only one, but I feel like talking out loud kinda gives me a bigger perspective of things. Like it's no longer just my ego thinking of a solution, but source itself (or a specific god) manifesting through what I say, offering me a solution. (I will also be doing a post about this). Talking out loud to nowhere makes me feel witchy and magical for some reason, although it may look crazy to others 😂.

Letting my emotions flow like the ocean: If there's something I learnt from Poseidon is that, resisting the waves of my emotions will just crash me down, but instead riding the waves will help me grow and learn. (especially emotions like sadness and anger). And with this, I don't mean just giving in to whatever I'm feeling, but instead accepting it and letting it be there for a long as it needs to. By doing this those feelings usually go away pretty quickly and I feel so much better after a few minutes or hours.

Keeping my space clean: This has a huge impact on my mental health. If my space is all messy and dirty that's how I feel inside, if, on the contrary, my space is clean and organised it manifests as positivity, will, productivity, and happiness.

Removing myself from unwanted situations and conversations: I don't mean this in the sense of avoiding situations that make me uncomfortable, but rather consciously removing myself from situations and conversations that don't bring anything valuable to the table. Like for example, gossip. Or conversations full of negativity. Or stuff like getting drunk for no reason at all. If it doesn't bring anything valuable to me and my development, then I don't want to be a part of it.

Living from the heart/love: This is something I'm still working on, living from love. Making sure everything I do and say is coming from love. For example, exercising because I love my body and I want it to stay healthy and strong, instead of exercising because I hate the way my body looks and I want it to be skinnier. Changing my mindset and my approach to things to one of love hasn't been easy, but it is something crucial to me so I'm gonna keep working on it.

#Conscious Souls

Eclectic Souls

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Twelfth Letter

----------------

To: Chwe Hansol/Vernon

From: Y/N

Hello, Vernon.

It hasn't been that long. Actually, as I'm writing this letter, we had our first kiss a few days ago.

I guess I must have the worst timing when it comes to love or just falling in love in general. Maybe I took way too long getting to know you. Maybe I didn't believe in myself enough and I let the curse take effect again.

I told you about how I had the worst luck with love. During all of my time in graduate school, I haven't fallen in love again, but now, I guess I have fallen in love with you.

I don't know what it is that made me realize what I had for you was love, but from the moment we met, I felt a spark in my chest.

That day when I had my ears plugged with white headphones, looking down at my phone with music blasted high, you grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to your chest. You also had headphones on.

I guess that left a great first impression.

You saved me from a dashing motorbike that could have crashed into me and for the first time in years, I felt my heart race. With your hand holding my back, you asked me if I was okay, but I couldn't hear a thing.

Then, you removed my headphones and brought me back to reality when I was having a daze.

“Are you okay?” You asked as you let go of my body. “You should watch where you're going, always.”

I was almost too caught up in your handsome visuals to say anything. Your eyes were such a beautiful brown and your foreign-like visuals were mesmerizing. In the end, I just nodded and thanked you for saving me.

As you were walking down the street, about to plug in your headphone piece that fell, I was still able to feel my heart thumping. I brought my hand to my chest and I knew this undeniable feeling.

That's when I called out to you and told you that I'd repay you.

Liking you brought back the feeling of having a youthful crush. I felt like I could fall in love again. It felt like I was returning to my youth and I was able to recover all those broken love stories with yours. Of course, I knew I was just getting ahead of myself.

I didn't expect anything from us. Our career paths and majors were similar but also different. We didn't get to see each other often and when we did, it was usually always coincidental; at the coffee shop nearby, or library, or the burger place nearby campus... It was just like that for us.

We didn't start hanging out until I asked you out to the movies. Well, not really ‘asking you out’, I just asked to hang out as repayment, since you saved me from getting hit by a bike. I remembered that you liked to watch movies.

I guess that would be named our first date for me. It was fun, sad, and scary, thrilling, and fun, and I could tell that you enjoyed the movie a lot. It was awkward being at the movie theater with you at first, but the moment we sat down, you talked to me casually, making me feel comfortable when I was the one who should have made you.

You acted like yourself during the entire movie and seeing that side of you made my heart race. You laughed and clapped out loud. At times, you seemed to be an extrovert who was confident, and at times, you seemed to be a quiet introvert. Your personality baffled me in a good way but I know one thing for sure.

You give the best reactions.

Watching you laugh at the movie was enough to make me almost laugh as well. Before I knew it, I was enjoying it just as much as you did. I think the fact that I was with you left an impact on my happiness during that movie.

Vernon, you're a fun guy. We started hanging out more often after the movies. Sometimes we would even grab lunch together, go buy books, chill at the beach watching the waves, stay cool at a pool, etc, whenever we had free time. We also talked a lot with each other.

I liked that we talked a lot with each other. I had only a few friends that I could talk to but with you, I felt like I could tell you anything. You just had this trustworthy aura floating around you at all times and I knew I could trust you.

You seemed to tell me everything too. I'm glad that I could vent out my anger to you and you would always be willing to listen to me and give me advice. I'm also glad that I was able to hear all of your problems and help you with them too.

I remember a day, when we were walking in the park while drinking soda, you told me about your insecurities. It was the first time you ever brought it up. Usually, we didn't talk about anything too personal like that - just our families, work, friends, hobbies. Yet, you were able to tell me about what you were insecure about.

To me, Vernon, you seemed like a perfect guy that I didn't even know you had such insecurities. I don't want to write them down in this letter to you just in case someone reads it, so I won't. I'm glad I was able to make you feel better about your insecurities though. I just always remembered your insecurity and complimenting that part of your body made me feel happier too. I can still remember that smile of yours when I complimented it. It was so bright, shining, and warm.

Since you were able to tell me such things, I felt that I could tell you such things about myself too. I had many insecurities and as a person, I wasn't satisfied at all with how I looked. To me, everything about my body seemed like a flaw.

Thank you, Vernon. I can still remember that scolding tone of yours when you responded to my confessions.

“What are you talking about? Why are you even insecure about that? You are literally- your skin is perfect! Your hair- it's not oily at all?! And your fingers- I mean, they are so delicate, how could you even be insecure of them?”

I wanted to say the same thing to you. How could you be insecure about that one thing? To me, you were complete perfection with imperfections, and it was alright to be that way.

You took my hand and that's when I noticed your long and large hand. It was much bigger than but since it was the first time our hands were up against each other, I could finally compare the size; which revealed to be strikingly different, unsurprisingly.

Vernon, you were like a therapist. Every week that I spent with you, my feelings began to grow. I'm sure I loved you but at the same time, this feeling that I feel for you seems to be like friendship. I don't know if I love you as a lover or a friend.

I guess spending so much time with you made me realize what a great guy you are as a friend and potential boyfriend. I would be glad to keep you as both, it doesn't matter which one. I just wish that I could keep you by my side; though it's quite obvious that being friends is the more obvious chance.

A few days ago, we kissed each other.

I know you know which day that is because it's your birthday. You held a small celebration and invited me over. Of course, I wasn't expecting much but since it was your birthday, I decided, “Why not get dolled up for it?”

After the birthday party, we were both a bit drunk. I'm pretty sure I was drunker than you were so the memories I write down may be blurry.

Everyone else had left except us. The restaurant was closing and since I was drunk, it was a bit hard for me to walk. I managed to get out the front door with the help of your hand holding my arm but when I took a few steps outside of the restaurant, my feet finally turned to jelly.

Like a hero, you caught me with your large hands. You had pulled me with your hand and scooped my waist with your other hand.

Trust me, even though I was drunk, I was able to feel emotions and I was a tiny bit sober enough to think properly.

Standing in front of the restaurant in our cliche but romantic position, it just felt like the right moment for the drunk me. We were holding eye contact and though I couldn't tell what you were thinking, it seemed like you felt it was the perfect time too.

That's why I wrapped my arms around your shoulders and pulled your face closer to mine until our lips were gently mashed. My heart was pounding but I couldn't distinguish whether it was from nervousness or enjoyment.

I just remember your warm breath and the strange sweet taste of wine lingering on your tongue as you kissed me. I'm sure the kiss was a bit sloppy but to me, it was passionate and sweet, even though I was a bit out of it. You had your hands tracing up and down my waist and hips while my hands were digging the back of your hair, my chest pressed against yours.

After that, I think you took me home.

After your birthday, you told me that you'd want to stay friends, though it seemed like you were a bit unsure of what you were saying. I was fine with that decision though because, after the kiss, I sort of felt that it wasn't right for us to date. It seemed like to us, friends were the best we could be. You and I could lean on each other.

Kissing that night on your birthday was probably just a one-time thing for you and me.

I'm glad that we can stay friends though. Even after that kiss, you're acting normal around me, like we're still friends, which I'm thankful for.

Up until now, I'm pretty sure I loved you. Love is a confusing topic to me. I still love you.

I've loved you romantically.

And now, I'll love you as a friend.

I'm thankful enough for that.

Sincerely,

Y/N.

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

7/13/21 - 8:40 pm

a/n: Vernon Chwe... Gosh why does he look so good in that photo!? + I have a plan/general plot for a book but I am having trouble deciding the male lead... I plan for it to be a fanfiction but I'm stuck on the male main character.

[bloodgoddarlin]

I'm just gonna leave Hestias Picrew here until I finally manage to get to drawing again because honestly I've barely been holding a pencil the past few months and I kinda regret it lol.

NEway more thoughts on poly relationship with Io and Hestia because that's all I want rn (doing AMAB/male!Reader here bc why not)

So we had a lot of different readers on here but I think we haven't had piglin brute!Reader so far? Let's expand on this an actually say that our Reader is actually a General. He's a regular visitor at Hestia's because of various injuries he gets - he may get scolded by the female piglin but all it does is make him smile. All it does is make him think that she's so adorable when she's mad at him because he's not taking good enough care of himself. Up until now the Reader never had to worry about takin someone as his husband or wife - he had just figured it would naturally happen one day since most piglin brutes were admired among their people.

And then she just crashed into his life and turned it around but god damn did he know that there was a lot of competition for he - of course there was. He could understand the other males that wanted to conquer her heart - they probably felt the same things as he did after all. Whenever he talked to her it felt like she was warming him up from the inside, as if there was nothing for him to worry about. With obvious competition he knew he'd have to hurry if he wanted Hestia for himself - if he wanted to be the one to corrupt her seemingly purity, her innocence.

Oh if they only knew that there was someone who had corrupted her such a long time ago...

Io was there a lot, not only because he got beat uo by Brutus for jokes he maybe shouldn't have made but also for injuries that came from hunting, training or actual fights.

"Ah General, I'll be with you right away" She chirped as you entered the room and shortly after you could hear Io hissing.

"Well, if you don't like the burn maybe you should stop pissing of Brutus" Hestia teased, and both, you and Io himself knew it was true but you knew that Io wouldn't accept it that easily.

You heard him grumble something but you couldn't quite make out what it was, all you knew was that he had said something that must have shocked the female a bit.

"I-Io not here, not now!" She whispered grabbing his shoulders and digging her fingers into his skin. Gods she looked adorable with that red face and that shocked facial expression. The Piglin chuckled and grinned at her. "Am I free to go doc? Don't want to keep your other patient waitint huh?"

"Y-yeah you're good" She mumbled.

"Well then, I'll see you later darlin'~"

You watched Io leave before turning to the still ashamed Hestia but she was quick to catch herself again and looked at you.

"What can I do for you sir?" She asked with a smile.

"Just here for a check-up, you know because of that wound" She seemed to remember pretty well.

"Ah, yeah, that one!" She replied, grabbing something from one of the shelves. "I'd need you to remove your shirt"

You obliged and pulled the pirce of fabric over your head, gritting your teeth as you did. The wound still hurt a little when you moved but it was nothing you couldn't handle. She began to change the bandage and you felt like it was a bit too quite right now.

"Soooooo...are you and Io a thing?"

"What?" She got a little louder and blushed once more. "Gods no! I mean...like it's nothing seri-...well I don't know what we are." Her trying to find the right words was utterly adorable.

"Figured" You chuckled. Watching her as her fingers ghosted over your skin, touching it ever so slightly that it felt like her purposefully trying to tease her even if you knew that it wasn't exactly like her.

What happens next was something neither of you could have seen coming. You grabbed her face and pulled her close before kissing her. Hestias lips felt so soft and she had such a nice taste - something nice and fresh, almost sweet. It takes a while for her to react before you felt her kissing you back.

When you pulled back after what felt like an eternity she was heavily panting, looking at you in slight shock though you weren't sure if she was shocked about what you had done or about how she had reacted.

"I...- sir I'm...so so sorry...!" She was stumbling over her words so much that it almost made you chuckle, but right now wasn't the right time for this.

So I do not know how to continue this buuut I have some small thoughts added to this.

-Io and the Reader both are switches and are just searching for opportuinities to punish each other, poor Hestia sometimes gets used as 'bait' and then has to life with endless overstimulation from either of you.

-Whenever you or Io come home from work her welcoming presence will great you, give you a good feeling as she continues to prepare dinner and asks you how her day was.

-STILL HOUSEWIFE HESTIA BEING A GOOD HOUSEWIFE AAAH

-ANYWAYS whenever you enter your rut and you're "done" with breeding her properly Io can bet his ass it's gonna be his turn soon, he better find an excuse to why exactly he's limping like that when Brutus asks him the next time.

-same goes for Hestias heat though - if you're too tired you usually just let her ride you and use you until either she's to weak to go one or you are shooting blanks and have to let Io take over.

-you and Hestia taking care of each other after Io was banished along with Lucius and Brutus

-if we go after the original story line: You staying with her and supporting her through her whole pregnancy and the closer she comes to the due date for birth the more protective you get - the more you treat her as if she was made of glass.

Idk brain empty lol

Bunny this is WONDERFUL i love it sm!! Love all of this.

Love the idea of reader being a General too!! Woah nice 😍

[imperial-martian]

Bruised & Broken ][ Armitage Hux x Reader ][ Part Four

Author’s Note: I’m not sure how happy I am with this chapter, so feedback would be greatly appreciated. It’s shorter then what the other chapters usually are. Most chapters are over 3,000+ words and this one is just under 2,500. I hope you like this, and I’m excited to work on the next chapter- which I think will mainly be viewed from Hux’s perspective! Enjoy!

Trigger Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of scars, thoughts of physical violence, pretty much just angst

PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE, PART FOUR

Tags: @songforhema, @edmunds-torch, @christmasallyearsthings, @indelwen-of-mirkwood, @agirlinherhead, @runhbo, @redsacrament, @lafy-taffy, @khaleesi-of-assassins, @dath23321, @fangirl570, @ahsfan23, @ah-callie, @aestheticcomatose, @starrmoondaisy, @thekeywordisbalance, @the-avid-book-reader, @starxdame, @thuutthuutbilly, @hoki-lokison, @stareyedplanet, @steve-thotgers, @llama259, @averillian, @songofcosplay

Although your eyes were red with tears and your face flushed with anger, the first thought in your mind was to alert everyone about what was to come. The minute somebody came into view, you spoke, not bothering to properly acknowledge them in any way. "Where is the General?" Were the first words to leave your lips the minute you came across the guards which were stood feet away from the interrogation center.

Both of their heads turned to you before they shared a quick glance with a furrowed brow. "She's by the medbay with Dameron," one of them replied, and without skipping a beat you were marching your way towards the directed area.

Finn had spotted you walking urgently and turned to Rey, nudging her shoulder before nodding in your direction. "Should we go see what's so urgent?" he asked the uprising Jedi.

She shook her head. "We can go confront her afterward, I can sense how tense she is. Something is wrong and we have no right to interfere between her and General Organa," she replied. "They will inform us in their own time."

Finn did nothing but nod in acceptance. "Let's go put the bastard back in his cell," he said the minute you had reached Poe and the General, walking towards the interrogation center while gritting his teeth. He was ready to land a well-deserved punch to the ginger's gut if he had to.

While Finn and Rey dealt with Hux you had reached the medbay and turned down Poe's invitation to small talk with a quick hand, calling on the General immediately. "General Organa."

The woman in question turned her head towards you, spotting the urgency in your face and facing you. She was quick to grab your arms and urge you away from everybody else to speak in private. "What have you gathered, dear? What has he told you?" she inquired.

"They've planned an attack," you informed, "he's refused to tell me anything else, and I fear I've angered him now," you sighed, pausing for just a moment, "I think it's best to prepare for a transfer soon. We can't risk what they have planned. The attack was already established before we captured General Hux, maker only knows what they are preparing for now that they strive to get him back."

General Organa was quick to take charge, walking back to the medbay and informing the nurse in charge of tending Poe to speed it up and send him to the control center within ten minutes. "Follow me Y/N, we need to gather the others. We're to have a meeting and discuss what actions should and need to be taken to ensure the safety of us all. We can't lose again, not after Hosnian Prime." Determination filled her voice, and the demeanor of a powerful General seemed to flow through her as she sprung into action, quickly walking in the direction of where Rey and Finn had begun walking after leaving Hux in his cell.

The General's strifes were long and quick, causing you to jog a bit every time she got too far from you until finally, she stopped. "Finn, Rey, follow me," she ordered, walking just as quickly towards the control center.

The other two had matched your stride and stood beside you, there eyes looking at you for questions. You only shook your head and said, "you'll find out in a minute," to which they reluctantly nodded, an eery feeling settling in the pits of their stomachs.

When Poe has arrived the meeting seemed to kick into gear in seconds. "We can't waste any time," she started, "Y/N informed me that they are planning to attack at any moment. We give everyone three days to pack everything aboard the ships before we head to D'Qar and settle there," she explained, looking at everyone.

Poe was the first to step forward and speak. "Three days won't give people enough time to gather everything. They'll be so panicked, and just after we settled into a home now too," he argued.

General Organa sighed, "we don't have much of a choice Dameron. We can't risk losing more than we already did. It'll cost too many casualties!" her voice was raised in frustration. "I refuse to let them win. We leave in three days by night, I'll tell everyone to pack light. We leave no traces of where we're going. If we leave in time, they'll have no clue if I've planned this correctly. We'll have to shut down all navigations and raise all shields to ensure they don't track us," she explained, her fist clenched white with determination.

Finn looked at General Organa. "What will be of Hux? What do we do with him?" he asked.

The General looked at Finn first before shifting to you. "Y/N, he seems to only talk to you. No matter how much you angered him back there, gain his trust in three days and gather whatever information you can from him. If he's indifferent by the time we leave we'll have to kill him."

The words, "Kill him," caused your breath to catch in your throat and fear to claw at you. Two parts within you seemed to conflict with itself. One was screaming at you to help and save him, telling you that he didn't deserve to die. The other was telling you that he did, that after all he's done killing him would be mercy over torture. One side was emotion and feeling, and the other was reason.

"Yes General, I'll see what I can gather," you nodded, meeting her eyes.

"Good, Finn and Poe start gathering whatever you can and place them in the Falcon. Rey, come with me, we'll be needing to make an announcement to everyone. Y/N, go to Hux and do whatever you can. Do something to gain us leverage over the First Order," she ordered, and with firm nods from everyone, you all dispersed.

When you arrived by the cells you had a moment of conflict. You debated whether to wait till the morning to see if he would be in a better state then, or go see him now and see what you could do. Both were going to end up the same way in your mind, but one seemed more favorable than the other.

In the end, you decided to wait till the morning and hope to the maker above that you had better luck with him then than you did minutes ago in the interrogation room. With dawn closing in you knew Hux would need to be checked for infections once again, but you couldn't trust the other nurses. However, you wouldn't be sure that he wouldn't just strangle you the minute you walked into the cell.

You took a chance and waited the night, walking back to your quarters as everyone gathered around the makeshift stage- what really was just a tree trunk -that General Organa and Rey stood on to make the announcement. With a small yawn and heavy heart, you walked into your quarters, not bothering to change as you fell asleep the minute you landed in bed, all the emotions of the day crashing down on you in that moment.

When you awoke the next morning you were slow to get dressed, a trace of uncertainty from the day before left you with a cold sweat. It was nothing you couldn’t push through to do your job, however, it was enough to keep you cautious. No matter how badly you wished for things to be the same, after last night you knew there was no chance for what little bond you had to remain.

You thought he had been harsh and cold to you before, but you were not prepared for how he acted when you walked into the cell. Had it not been for the dread that seemed to wash over you the minute you walked in, everything would have seemed normal until you turned to look at Hux.

His eyes had always seemed to take your breath away, their bright shade of blues and greens never seized to capture you. Usually, you would see the beauty hidden behind his eyes, now you saw the brightest fires of fury and hatred. It left you stock still and fearful.

If you didn’t think General Hux was frightening before, you did at that moment. He looked ruthless, as though if he could he would rip you apart without much struggle. He even looked as though he was considering it.

It caused you to feel nothing short of hesitation as you stepped deeper into the tiger's den.

With a confidant- or what you wished was -voice, you asked, “has the infection worsened?” Kneeling on the dirt, you opened the kit, getting nothing more than a bandage and disinfectant wipe. A majority of his wounds were healed at that point and it was best to leave the more valuable equipment to more valuable patients- or in other words, fellow Rebels.

“It hasn’t,” he replied, short and to the point, nothing for him to waste his breath on. “But please, get on with it. I’d rather not have my time wasted,” he said, and you could swear you heard an underlying, ‘with the likes of you.’

You wouldn’t admit it- not even to yourself -but it stung a little. It would make your task a whole lot harder now that you knew he truly wanted nothing to do with you.

“Armitage,” you tested, earning a sharp, deadly glare from him. You sighed gently. “Why don’t you join us?” you paused to gauge out his reaction, and when he gave none you continued. “Please, Armitage, do you realize how powerful you could be on our side?”

He chuckled. “Do you think I’m not powerful within the First Order? I’m feared,” he growled out, getting close to you just to prove his point. You sunk under his gaze, giving in for just a moment. “I’m a General Y/N, do you not realize just how powerful I am? I gave the order for an entire system to be destroyed. People cower just hearing my name.” He hung over you as you stood, finished with accessing him.

“If people cower hearing your name, why haven’t they?” you asked, nodding to the guards behind you. You didn’t give him a chance to answer. “Don’t be so cocky Hux, it’ll be your downfall. You’re not as powerful as you make yourself put to be. Kylo Ren has proved that,” you stated, glancing at the large scar already forming on his skin.

He growled, and he swore he would have you pinned against the wall if he knew he wouldn’t have been shot dead right then in there. “You say that as though you know what authority I have. You have no idea,” he spat, his anger reaching its surface quickly. His patience was thinning.

“I can do nothing but convince you to join us, Hux,” you shrugged as you backed away. “Just know that you’ll be killed if you don’t end up cooperating.” With that, you left his cell.

You were beyond frustrated with Armitage now. He was full of himself, even as a prisoner, and you weren’t sure you could change that. You knew that convincing Armitage would be a lot harder then you thought, and you weren’t sure you could do it by yourself.

With that thought in mind, you made your way to the cantina. Spotting just who you were looking for- and you were grateful that Poe was sat beside them -you made your way over and sat across from them.

“Y/N, how’s your business with Hux going along?” Finn asked, looking up from his trey of food. His attention was completely on you the minute his fork his the trey and he leaned forward.

You groaned before answering. “He’s an absolute handful and is actually why I came over. I’m glad Poe is here too, I feel as though you both might have some useful advice,” you started, looking at them with thankful smiles.

“What’s up?” Poe asked, crossing his arms.

“I’m having a hard time trying to convince Hux to accept defeat and join us or at least give us something to work with. How would you guys go through with my task?” you questioned, a look of hopefulness in your eyes.

Poe sighed for a moment. “Truthfully, I wouldn’t bother with a bastard like him,” he said. “He has no worth to us and frankly would be better off dead, but since Leia put you up to a task that she expects to be at least partaken in, then I guess I’d just have to give him the facts. He’s going to end up dead if he does not listen, whether he wants to or not, he’d have no choice.”

You nodded. “I told him that, but he’s so full of himself,” you admitted. “I don’t want him to die,” you mumbled. “I hate seeing people die, it’s why I became a nurse, to save people, but I don’t know how I can convince a man like Hux. He seems to headstrong in doing things his way.”

Finn spoke up before Poe could, “if you really want to convince Hux to join us if you really think he could be an asset, convince him that his life here could be so much better then his life in the First Order. Convince him so well that he really has no other choice.”

Poe agreed, “if you did that, and gave him no doubt that the First Order could be better then what he could get here, then I can see him joining us. I see no other way then that.”

You smiled at them both, a plan already forming in your mind. “Thank you guys, you might have just saved me a whole lot of late-night struggles,” you said before darting off to your quarters.

You had one chance at this, and it was a risk you’d have to take. It would end up coming down to the line, but if you were able to go off his previous emotions, and even build them up, then perhaps you’d be able to win him over. If not to the Resistance, then at least to you. It as nothing more then wishful thinking, but if that was what you had to go off of, it was good enough.

It only helped that when you’d see him next a little companion would seem to have attached to Armitage, no matter the displeasure of anybody on the site. It would be a little ginger tabby cat that would end up saving you a whole lot of time with this plan.

[madfantasy]

hii! sorry if you've answered this before, but how did you find your own art style? it's nothing like i've seen before, very dream-like (: i feel like with so many artists out there it can be hard to find one's own style but yours is truly unique. if it's not too much to ask, do you still have any of your first drawings? thank you 💕💕

(Oh & I'm sorry if I have answered it before, I didn't find anything on my blog so woop here comes my blaber)

Hello dear!

Thank you so much, you flatter me and my bit-som of art-som, heh. Specially that you have called it dream like— cuz 1/4 of my creations does come from my dreams. I even had a dream about Severus a couple of days ago- was explaining to him the concept of gestures in smartphones, I told him it's like pulling down a scroll, to get the notifications, lol.

Before I start side-tracking too much, yes- I can't say I do know how it happens, I guess I wasn't on the base of looking for an art style for myself, or ever considered myself an artist— or a real one? Idk. The idea of having an 'art style' doesn't register with me so I'm possibly always confused what to make of it.

I mean, I didn't go into art for art's sake. I don't enjoy beauty just for beauty's sake. It has to have a meaning, purpose, hidden dilemma you need to solve just by looking deeper; is it speaking to me, or am I speaking for it?

My only concern since the beginning of time of Mani apparating this earth and what got them into drawing anyway is: telling the story as best as possible.

I was drawing before I learned speaking. It was my instinctive language. I had something to say? Illustrated it on a piece of paper to show.

Everything I see in my surroundings or mostly in mind, I had a story to tell about. So I didn't even consider that I was making art.

I remember when I developed enough cells to be aware- I started trying to copy or capture the basics of family members, making stories about them, also games or shows I played; I drew Crash bandicoot, driving into a cliff because he was hated by his family, Tiny wearing an abaya. Pink panther cuz how tall he was weirded me out in a fascinating way, Tarzan and his special muscles, a story about an abused squid lady that eventually turn into a mermaid, a guy turning into a hero coz of some near death experience.. mmm stories about my favourite stuffed rabbit CeCe Bobo— probably the only innocent adventures I drew as a child— I wanted so badly to make them into a video game, having their parents fall into a pit of flames, heh.

And because I had daily TV episodes in my brain of whatever to occupy me from unsanitary real life; I associated with many people I love to see materlized; my characters. So I had to try & draw them exactly how they look/feel, and that's what my art slowly developed based on; is this guy the way I seen and felt him look like? If not, try other ways.

At first, I drew them with literal basic shapes, like a character would have a square face, and another heart, and if I couldn't draw circle, I used my pencil sharpener that was shaped as a circle. A method still I use to differentiate my characters (without the pencil sharpener lol)

Later, since my characters have generally my favourite things, or things I enjoy, things I appreciate— basically things from me directly or from my choices, conscious they were or not—had them chopped and scattered between the lot of them. And to learn how to do some favourite factors of them is what drives my art style I suppose. I knew I didn't want it realistic, but I also didn't want it unreal. What makes art real? That's probably the always questions I face.

Ofc, I was face with so many problems to deteriorate my passion for drawing. Like, not being allowed to draw in the first place. I had wait till everyone is gone or occupied, had to always look over my shoulder and must constantly hide every inkling of any art making, and act like the project I'm making is for school, and draw in breakfast breaks at school. I used to draw under my blanket and store my art between my books or under my pillow (never related to anything so hard like when Harry was studying magic and Dursley keeps checking on him, honestly heh). Either all that or I get the whip.

Or being told what's the point of having a style like that while everybody obviously enjoys popular styles like anime or cartoon? Why don't I draw like the popular to get noticed? I don't know how to draw anime or cartoon even if I tried. It will just show as my art style, no? Exactly like speaking two different languages with the same letters.

Or like the idea of strictly sticking to gendering things while the idea never occurred to me. The base line of how men has to be ugly and women pretty. My motto is showing beauty in everything, even in scary or messed up things hehe. But I had to consent to making my guys 'ugly' as possible to continue drawing, and if u notice a line on their throats, that's one other thing I had to do, wasn’t allowed to draw girls either. And I wasn't happy with any of that at all.

But I was able to win my right to draw anytime I like in recent years, and able to draw how I like how I use digital means. So it got better heh.

And no it's not too much, if anything, it was took me on a dusty beautiful trip of nostalgia, I thank you for it. Sadly I don't have my first drawings, and I do treasure them but they all been tossed, torn and burned before me over the years, heh.

The oldest thing I got is this, a comic made, was 11 years old I think:

Medo, a guy so beautiful that he was forced to work as a femal model, concept that felt the best to me, heh. Even tho I was in no contact with the outsider world.

He is my first solid character and I made endless comics of him.

He's develop into this -dated 2014- , he's fairy sentinel.

And I found few of my old or first time drawing them pics of the main characters in my stories, I'd love to share:

Juicy and X-bi— second ones I made. But these drawings are maybe 2 or 3 years after I made them

I know I said that lots, but x-bi was a mask wearing imaginary friend I translated into X-bi. He has almost always cold hands so I used to put my skin on cold metallic surface and imagine it his hands trying to ease the pain.

And since I had no audience home, my stuff showed at school as i drew alone, always with various replies of 'its good, but'

Juicy got me in trouble with a teacher, by a careless student that was browsing my drawings In front of them, and I was classified as mentally deranged and need help for not drawing the usual princes and white knight.

Fernando and Carlos are also old characters that expressed romance in everything they do, so when I had a drawing of them Carlos tending to a fevered Ferry, and it was snatched from me, everyone considering it intimacy and I had to punch my way through them to get it back. Being called perverted and sick in the process, even tho all they talk to me about is marriage and the process of making babies. One of them literally told me on random occasion that their heart was like a ten story building for rent, there's always someone new in and out.

Carlos is Fernando's soul guardian💛

I created General Pumbkin in school! expressing fashion in strictness with my fav hooked nose!

Axel was my joy in everything, and the most common character I got beat up for, for being girly. I don't draw him too much anymore but seeing him again made me auto happy , hes all about giving loff, darling hehe

Candy, a less brain developed babyy

Brain and Pain, my sibs fav characters from my bag, heh

And Sabine was said to me that he should be a girl to be that scared in a scary story, his story is like dark and twisted fairytales vibe that I love dearly. I'm trying to continue writing his story.

Despite whatever, I love doing art, I have to. It what gives me soul juice heh.

And thank you for sticking on my prolonged answer. I hope I didn't bore too much, I'm flooded with memories happy and bad, and they are all okay. It made me feel passionate again, so thank you for the opportunity 🙏

1.5.2020

[bobasheebaby]

70 Scrubs Prompts

Yup, another prompt list. Most of these are actually light and funny, though some are a little heavier. I tried to pick ones that would work outside of a hospital setting. Again it’s super long so cutting at 15. 

1 “And who’s to say this isn’t what happens? Who can tell me that my fantasies won’t come true? Just this once ... “ — John JD Dorian

2 “Look NAME, I don’t know if it’s possible for me to put how I feel about you into words, but I guess I’ll give it a shot. I never really believed I’d find somebody that I love as much as you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. NAME, I love you more than FRIEND.” “Oh my god” “It's kind of hard for me to say, but it's true.” — John JD Dorian and Elliot Reid

3 “I grew up on the street ... No, not the hood. The Sesame Street.” — John JD Dorian

4 “As I looked at all the relationships around me ... Some that had gone on forever ... some that were reigniting ... and some that had just begun ... I realized something: It should have been me.” — John JD Dorian

5 “NAME, you can’t test love. When I met NAME, it seemed he/she was more in love with his/her best friend than with me.” “Honey, they’ve got that almond biscotti FRIEND loves, so I was wondering if I could borrow some money so I can get him/her some.” “No, you got him/her a present yesterday.” — Carla and Turk

6 “You’ve been wrong so many times that I'm not even going to say something is wrong anymore. I'm going to say that it's 'NAME'.

— Perry Cox

7 “I just took a pregnancy test, just tell me when a minute's up.” “I just put some pizza rolls on the microwave oven; the minute that bad boy rings we're good to go.” “Oh, my god, I can't stand it, 30 more seconds.” “OK baby, don't get too excited, they have to cool off for at least a minute.” — Carla and Turk

8 “So, uh, you going to lunch with your brother/sister?” “Yeah, I... well, you know, I would've invited you, but I already made the reservation for two.” “So call and change it to three.” “Ohh, I'm not gonna mess with that hostess. You know, she uses sharp tones.” — Elliot Reid and John JD Dorian

9 “Nothing in this world, that's worth having comes easy.” — Bob Kelso

10 “Yeah, I'm not that great with kids. They've got such tiny hands. It's creepy.” — Elliot Reid

11 “I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.” — Perry Cox

12 “Oh, my God! I'm gagging and vomiting at the same time. I'm... I'm gavomiting!” — Perry Cox

13 “So he/she has a cute butt. Everyone has a cute butt. I have a cute butt.” “You should bring it in someday.” — John JD Dorian & Carla Espinosa

14 “The problem with people who only want what they can’t have is that once they have what they want, they don’t want it anymore.” — John JD Dorian

15 “I guess when you care about someone, you’ll do whatever you can to make ’em happy.” —John JD Dorian

16 “The truth is, it is all your memories, the joyful ones and the heartbreaking ones that make up who you are as a person” — John JD Dorian

17 “‘Cause even if it breaks your heart to be ‘just friends’, if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.“ — John JD Dorian

18 “The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.” — John JD Dorian

19 “Sometimes in life when you get what you want, you end up missing what you left behind.” — John JD Dorian

20 “Sex is only good for two things. Making babies and revenge.” — Jordan Sullivan

21 “What's going on?” “I love you too dumpling, but I have to work late. I'll make it up to you this weekend.” “NAME’s on the phone with his/her mom/dad/parent, so we're taking five.” — Jordan Sullivan, Ted Buckland and Perry Cox

22 “By the way, NAME’s here but I'm not going to kiss and tell.” “Oh really? Cause I just got your text that said "bone city".” “Oh really? That came through?” — JD and Elliot

23 “You're gonna love it here, sport.” “Get out while you still can.” “Uh...” “Seriously, get out while you still can.” — Bob Kelso, Ted Buckland, and Keith Dudemeister

24 “Ted, what are you doing?” “I like to do stomach crunches after lunch.” “Ted, lunch was four hours ago.” “Yep, I wasted most of my Tuesday.” “It's Wednesday.” “Aw, man! I missed SHOW!” — John JD Dorian and Ted Buckland

25 “Well, it took a whole tube of gel, but I finally got my hair down.” “No one male or female ever cared, NAME.” — Ted Buckland and Perry Cox

26 “Thirsty, huh?” “Helps the tears taste less bitter.” “Cheers.” — John JD Dorian and Ted Buckland

27 “I have to get ready man. I want my date with NAME to be perfect. What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?” “Ooh, like you and I did for your birthday.” “Yeah but except this time with two horses.” — John JD Dorian and Turk

28 “I am wearing red. Should I not be wearing red around her?” “She's pregnant, she's not a bull.” — Elliot Reid and Turk

29 “This is why the headache didn't go away, it is actually pronounced 'analgesic', not 'ANALgesic'. The pills go into your mouth.” — Turk

30 [She/he sees NAME holding a beer] “What are you doing? [He/she threatens to open it] “You better not open that.” [He/she opens it] “Okay, you better not drink it.” [He/she takes a sip] “All right, You better not enjoy it.” [He/she expresses enjoyment, person A bitch slaps his/her beer] “Did you just bitch slap my beer?” “Are you calling me a bitch?” “Yes. Yes, I am!” — Carla and Turk

31 “Is there another guy on this planet who is that sensitive?” “Okay, let it out. I've got you. NAME has got you. Hold me tighter, a little too tight...There is a good spot.” — Turk and JD

32 person a “This plan is fool proof.” Person c “That is impossible. You two are involved.” Person c “We will see about that!” [Person a and c crash into each other as they try to walk away] — JD, Perry Cox and Turk

33 person a “I don't think we have anymore wine. NAME, can I have some of yours?” [Person C’s narration: I felt like NAME was starting to blame me for all of this.] [person b Spills his/ her wine in person c’s face) “I spilled mine too, honey. You know what you should do? Ask for some NAME’s.” [Person C Spills his/her wine on his/her crotch] “I spilled mine too.” — Carla, Turk and JD

34 “Wait NAME! I have an idea.” “You have another idea? Well I've got to tell you, I'm done with your ideas and not just for now but forever! Okay, are we clear on that?”  “It's a good one.” “I'm listening.” — JD and Turk

35 “He/she is not allowed to dream about me. It gets too freaky in there.” “Cirque de Soleil freaky. One time, he/she was skinless.” — Carla and Turk

36 “How often do you make love?” “Twice today.” “Actually it was three times. You were asleep for the last one.” “Wow, that really happened? I thought it was weird that you were in one of my sex dreams.” — Marston, Turk and Carla

37 “How was your first stress-free day?” “Horrible. And you?” “Worse. Let's make a baby. If it doesn't work this time I'll kill myself.” “Not helping with the stress.” — Carla and Turk

38 “Dude, there you are. Two things; First, the aliens are here and they're wearing track suits.” “Oh, that's Nana.” — Turk and JD

39 “Are you nude right now?” “Yeah! How'd you know?” “Your voice is always higher when you're nude.” “That's true.” “It's not weird you know that at all.” —JD, Turk and Perry Cox

40 “You know, I actually like NAME. So, don't do that thing you always do.” “If you're referring to the game "Find the Saltine", relax. I don't even play that with NAME anymore.” [Later] “Behind your ear.” [Withdrawing Saltine from behind his ear] “My friend, you have found the Saltine. Uh, but, don't tell NAME we're still playing.”— Elliot Reid, JD and Turk

41 “Dude, he/she keeps a hug schedule with his/her friends!” “Okay, NAME ... looks like someone's getting crossed off their 2 o' clock spot and getting penciled in for never! How does that feel? Does it sting?” Person B Narration: He's hurting! Hug him/her ... hug him/her now! — Turk and JD

42 “Dude, don't sweat it - It says here that the ostrich is generally a docile creature.” “Thank God!” “It also says their kick can kill a man!” — Turk and JD

43 “Just don't repeat the same mistakes you made with me. For instance, don't speed down the road pretending your brakes are out. I don't care if it got you laid once in high school. It is not funny and I still have not forgiven you for killing that pony.” — Elliot Reid

44 “NAME, I don't photograph well. On my driver's license, I look like Gary Busey.” — Elliot Reid

45 “We have a very complicated past.” “Yeah, I hurt him/her, and I'm not proud.” Person B narration: I'm a little proud. — Elliot and JD

46 “NAME and I keep it superficial.” “Love the superficial. Dynamite teeth today!” “Oh thanks buddy!” “Sparkly.” “Yeah!” — Elliot and JD

47 “Will you tell me what NAME’s fantasy was?” “Nope.” “Did it involve chains?” “No.” “Whips?” “Mm-mm.” “Candle wax?” “No.” “Role-playing?” “No.” “Lasers?” “Mm-mm.” “Hamsters?” “Negative.” “Was he/she a Mexican apple thief?” “If only ...” — JD and Elliot

48 “Why don't you just move into my place?” “Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof.” — Elliot and JD

49 “NAME, what you said before ... I knew you were right. Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad. You were wrong about one thing, though - we are moving forward.” “NAME, I'm thirty years old; I'm single, I'm homeless, and I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself.”

— Elliot and JD

50 Person A “Ohhh, my God, you're right.” Person B “Don't let him/her be your puppet-master.” Person C “Hey!” Person B “Hey.” Person C “What's up?” Person B “I have a headache.” Person C “Take some aspirin.” Person B “Don't tell me what to do! You're not the boss of me!” — Carla, Elliot and Jake

51 “I've never connected with a guy/girl like this before. I mean, even though it's only been two weeks, I already feel like I know NAME better than I know myself.” “What does he/she do for a living?” “I should know that.” — Elliot and Carla

52 “Look, the reason I've been acting so weird and having my friends hang around us all the time is because I really think that we have a shot for something great, and I don't wanna go and ruin it by sleeping with you too fast. I mean, what was I supposed to do?” “Well, you...you could have just told me that.” “Yes, but you're forgetting I'm a crazy person!” — Elliot and Jake

53 “I've seen the Wiggles live in concert ... twice.” “Did they perform 'Big Red Car'?” “They opened and closed the show with it. It was awesome.” — Perry Cox and Turk

54 “What's wrong with me?” “You're an annoying, whining man-child.” “That question wasn't directed to you!” “What question?” — JD and Perry Cox

55 “I’m notifying all my old boyfriends/girlfriends today that I'm officially off the market.” “I'm sure the 'pulse' setting on your shower head will be devastated!” — Elliot Reid and Perry Cox

56 “If there is one thing I have learned, it's that you can't schedule love.” “I think your credit card statement would beg to differ.” — Bob Kelso and Perry Cox

57 “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man/Woman Not Caring.” [points to self] — Perry Cox

58 “If you're worried about people seeing your ass, do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.” — Perry Cox

59 “Should I talk slower or get a nurse that speaks fluent moron?” — Perry Cox

60 “Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak, or do you find you drift in and out?” — Perry Cox

61 [thinking] Why don't I ever listen to me? — JD

62 “And you know what else? I quit!” “No you don't!” “Well I'm leaving early today!” “No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!” “Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!” “Whatever.” — Ted Buckland and Bob Kelso

63 “Your dog is creepy.” “Aww...be nice to Rowdy. The guy we bought him from used to keep him in a box full of old hats.” — Elliot and JD

64 “I thought we cared about each other ...” “Oh please, if you didn't want to sleep with me, you'd have done the same thing.” “Well, I'll tell you one thing, the last thing in the world I wanna do is sleep wit'cha now!” “Do me right here.” “Okay.” “See!” — JD and Elliot

65 “Huh! I put all those fliers up, and nobody wants me to live with them!” “Oh, come on, NAME. I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a... clean, non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage.” “Oh, well, if you don't, it gets mildewy.” “You know, you should move in with my friend: Anal McLooney.” — Elliot and JD

66 “You know, I've been thinking a lot about us lately.” “Me too.” “God, you drive me crazy.” “Oh, you drive me crazy!” “Sometimes I just lay awake at night, thinking about how unbelievably lucky I am to have you in my life.” “Sometimes you're so controlling it makes me want to strangle you..” — Paul and Elliot

67 “Tonight, I am going to make all of your fantasies come true.” “You know, NAME, I would be happy just to have sex above the covers once.” “Yeah ... never gonna happen.” — Elliot and Paul

68 “You know, it's funny... when I said "I love you," it was an accident - and I never really loved you at all.” “That is an absolute riot.” — Elliot and Paul

69 “Okay, here's what you do: First you say that, even though our relationship is ending, you don't have any regrets.” “Oh, my God! Are you actually telling me how to break up with you?” “You're right. Go ahead.” “If you could just start me off, that'd be super.” — Paul and Elliot

70 Person A “You never explained that U2 thing, did you!” Person B “You know, I've been thinking about it, and maybe it's not such a bad thing that that happened! Right? I mean, things have been going really well between us, and maybe it was fate! I could've been looking at my Bel Biv Devoe CD and said, "I love Bel Biv Devoe" - which I do, by the way. And I'm not ashamed of it.” Person A and B “That girl is poison..." Person A “NAME, look, I just think that if you guys are meant to get to this point, it'll happen... naturally.” Person B “You're right! "I love U2!" Dammit! Why do I always have to say every little thing that comes into my head!? Ugh, I really wish you wouldn't stand so close to me after you take your hummus break. See! I didn't need to say that! I'm gonna tell him.” Person C “Love you!” Person B “Love you more!” Person A “Ugh!” Person B “You know what - brush your teeth, then judge me!” — Carla, Elliot and Paul

[captainevans]

Could you go into more detail re: your last post? I've been seeing so many reactions to what Steve did at the end of the movie and would love to hear your take on it because I'm desperate to hear from someone more level headed (and it seems like you definitely are). I've just seen a lot of people upset with/at Steve/Chris and need some reassurance lol. You can keep this private if you want or just make a separate post. Also hi, nice to meet you :)

I have been thinking about this all day, so I would be more than happy to elaborate for you! It’ll be under the cut.

It appears that the general arguments regarding Steve being out of character and not liking his ending is that he struggled for so long to put his past behind him, to find a place in the future with the family and friends he made, and by sending him back it compromised their future as well as Peggy’s and reduced her to simply a woman who stole Cap’s heart as opposed to this formidable force to be reckoned with and one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.

I don’t see it that way though. If anything, this is a Steve who failed and saw half of the universe snapped due to circumstances beyond his control and more importantly this is the first time we truly see Steve for the human he is, and not just the soldier out of time.

Two constant threads in Steve’s individual arc has been dealing with one never-ending battle after another and his struggle to acclimate to the times he’s in. I don’t mean in an ‘old man deals with newfangled technology’ sense, but Steve’s few years out of the ice pales in comparison to the seventy plus years it’s been for everyone else. Also keep in mind the era in which Steve comes from, because he deals with things internally or not at all (mostly not at all) and a therapy goer the man is not.

In TFA, pre-serum Steve has a myriad of health problems and is known to get into fights frequently. He’s tried several times to get enlisted; longing for that one chance to do something right, to do something good because he doesn’t like bullies and he doesn’t care where they come from. He meets Peggy and she sees the man he is way before he became Captain America. Keep in mind though that between post Project Rebirth and the crash, more time has passed than people tend to think about. Their feelings for one another have deepened, even if they’re not acted upon, which is why their final conversation over the comms is even more heartbreaking. They had something, they knew they had something, and now it was lost seemingly forever. Who could come back from that? Who honestly would want to?

The Avengers finds him a mere two weeks after the man was defrosted, in which he was learning that almost everyone he knew and loved was dead and that the Tesseract he crashed a plane to try and destroy was found and used by SHIELD to create weapons and had to push that into the back of his mind so he could fight aliens in the Battle of New York.

In TWS, he’s still struggling to find his footing between his past and and present. He visits Peggy and is happy that at least she was able to move on and have a life for herself, but every visit is melancholy and ends the same way - she slips out because of her dementia and he has to relive her finding out that he’s real and in front of her every time. I wouldn’t want to wish that experience on anyone, but do you know what that’s like to deal with a person who has that? To think you’re finally getting somewhere with someone for a moment and then the lucidness wears off and suddenly your heart is ripped out of your chest because you’re back at square one? To do that every single time you see them? Sam asking him what makes him happy breaks my heart every single time because he’s never been given the opportunity to figure that out, and once he learns that Hydra, again going with the whole “I crashed my fucking plane into the ocean and this shit is STILL happening” arc, has been entangled with SHIELD from its infancy, he knows the mission to take it down takes precedence over trying to take the time and figure that out for himself. Now, this movie is the Winter Soldier, and there’s Bucky to cover. At this point, Steve knows he doesn’t have much time with Peggy left when he uncovers the identity of The Winter Soldier. These two pillars are the last remaining ties to his past, which is why he tries so hard to try to joggle Bucky’s programming with not fighting back and the “I’m with you til the end of the line”. Steve knows he’s in there, he just had to get him out. He’s successful, and then that jump-starts the search post TWS leading into Age of Ultron and ending in Civil War.

Age of Ultron..is…well, okay it has more problems than anything else however, at this point it’s been three years since he’s been living in the future, and it would make sense that Peggy is still on his mind in Wanda’s dream sequence for him. He confirms it in Endgame for the first time by saying it aloud, but Peggy was the love of his life. It’s normal to dream about lost loves. He’s a man from that older era though, which is why we only have a stolen moment of him trying to remain stoic because he has to be a leader and appear unaffected for the sake of his team and the mission. I really wish the deleted scene where he comes out of the quintet with his coal to see the image of Captain America with the words “Fascist” above spray-painted on a building wall before he throws the helmet back inside was kept in because it shows SO MUCH without saying anything at all. This is where we see that break between who is he and what his superhero persona is supposed to represent. It’s not Captain America who makes Steve Rogers Steve Rogers, it is Steve Rogers who makes Captain America Captain America. And once again, we find him trying to make the sacrifice play if they aren’t successful and can’t get all Sokovian citizens as well as themselves out in time. Now all while this is happening, Sam is still trying to look for Bucky for Steve.

Which brings us to Civil War. Never has that line between his past and present been more apparent because it’s literally the plot to this movie. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. Bucky is deprogrammed but broken and more importantly to Steve - alive- and he knows that Bucky has that blood on his hands that Hydra used and abused him into spilling and that’s why if he could just get Tony to see that with these accords the powers at be, along with every country who signs, can dangle their help for political gain like they’re puppets on strings just like he was. Do they need to be put in check? Perhaps, but not by people with an agenda. It’s a dangerous game they’d be playing with no winners which is why Steve doesn’t sign them. And during that meeting with all of them discussing this, Steve learns that Peggy dies so his stake in this fight to preserve the last tether to his past increases tenfold. He’s not just fighting for Bucky, Steve is fighting for himself. By the time he’s dropped that shield, we’re shown that Steve has lost faith in his government, he’s lost faith in his friends, and he’s lost faith in himself.

He’s in Infinity War for six minutes and forty five seconds is screen time so there’s not much content wise to go on, but when we see Steve he is clearly not the man he was and you can tell something is broken inside him, but it’s not explored until Endgame.

I’m just going to focus on Steve’s arc in Endgame because while I really liked most of it, Thor and Natasha deserved better than that so here we go. If you have not watched Endgame, don’t go any further.

Between waking up and immediately having to fight post defrosting and uncovering the truth about SHIELD using the Tesseract to make weapons, Hydra being an entangled part of shield, the events of Civil War, and by the time we see him in Infinity War he’s a shell of whatever former self he was trying to grasp at straws with, and it wasn’t until we had this film that we actually see to what extent that was.

Endgame opens three weeks after the snap, in a time where they’re still desperately clinging to hope with trying to find a way to reverse things. Carol saves Tony and Nebula while he’s on the very brink of death in the Benatar, and tensions between the Steve and Tony are at an all time high. They lost. Everyone. They’re the Avengers, how could they lose?

Time jumps five years. Tony is living on a lake and has a young daughter with Pepper, and Steve has now taken over for Sam in leading group therapy meetings. Joe Russo’s character says he went on a date the night before and that his date cried before the salad and he cried after the dessert and there was nothing they could truly talk about because what could you talk about if half of the universe, including people you knew and loved, vanished in an instant and where you’re borderline living in some version of Lord of the Flies? He offers words of comfort, but he and half the people in that session don’t fully believe them. He lost the love of his life in ‘45 and woke up seventy years later and he hasn’t had a single moment of rest to do so. It weighs on him, on all of them. Natasha is at Avengers HQ still trying to find ways to help, and because of the nature of their work and who they are as individuals they can’t truly move on, him especially. But seeing Tony with his daughter I think was a catalyst of sorts for Steve, even if it didn’t fully register for him at first. One of the themes through Age of Ultron was this notion of “home”, and being an Avenger was something they all pretty much had to put first. Tony got his family, he got his home, and for someone who thought that the man who went into the ice seventy years couldn’t have that himself, there came a small burst of a what if. What if he could have that as well? If it happened for Tony…

Seeing Peggy in 1970, seeing his photo on her desk…that did something to him as well. After all those years, he’s still on her mind just seemingly as much as she’s on his. He gets that moment of seeing her again, and that longing was heartbreaking. Just one more look before he had to go back - something just for him because the mission came first, it always comes first, and he didn’t want to screw anything up so he buries it like he does everything else. Steve’s an intelligent little shit though and we’ll come back to that later.

Now here’s where I also need for you to keep in mind the conversation Banner had with the Ancient One in 2012. The Ancient One is hesitant on giving him the Infinity Stone because it will disrupt the pre-determined timeline, but Banner explains that the past is cemented in time and forever exists to allow for a subject to jump through time. Reality is experiential for individuals, meaning a person’s perception of time is linear, regardless of how they jump around the timeline. In layman’s terms, you travel to the past, that past becomes your future and your former present becomes the past which then cant be changed by the new future.

We’ve always known Steve is worthy of wielding Mjolnir so let’s just skip to the ending now shall we?

At the end, Steve goes alone to return the stones to their proper place in time, but also has become well versed in time travel for someone who’s not Banner or Tony. He sees this as a chance to have something that’s been unattainable to him for so long - to live the life Tony wanted for him. To be happy. To not have to fight for once in his life. So he goes to the right place in while in the quantum realm as to not disrupt the main timeline, and that’s when he doesn’t return we see that he’s become an old man finally at peace, handing Captain America’s shield over to Sam, who more than deserves the mantle, not exactly telling him that he got his happy ending with Peggy, choosing to keep it to himself and yet smiling wistfully all the same.

He never changed anything about Peggy’s future either. SHIELD clearly still exists, and do some people honestly think he wouldn’t give her the choice? If he didn’t think there was a strong enough of a chance or had she turned him down someway he would have respected her and returned to the main present timeline. Nothing changed about that, it was just an alternative path. By going back, Peggy’s life without Steve still exists and that Peggy who gets her reunion with Steve now represents a branch timeline.

I get not everyone liked the ending, I do, but to be fair, just because they didn’t like Steve’s ending because it doesn’t fit what they wanted doesn’t mean it wasn’t a fitting end for Steve. He can rest now. Finally.

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: Cant help falling in love (8/?) Part 2.

Here it is.. part 2 of chapter 8... is that really Logans mom? How does Ellies dad react to the news she is married to Colt??? You can catch up HERE. And as always, if you want to be added to the tags, drop me a line.

Pairing: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Rating: Mature

Song inspiration:

“Riya! Damnit.” Ellie gasped, Riya instantly cupping her mouth. Ellie Stood making her way over to her father.

Colt stood behind Logan,  schock written all over his face at the series of events. Riya just announced to everyone that He and Ellie were married. Her father being an ex cop, was probably about to kill him, sure he had a gun or two, or three laying around. And did Logan just say Mom?

Logan stood there, completely stunned, baked beans covering his shoes.  Was he imagining things? Because the woman standing there next to Ellie's dad looked an awful lot like his mother.  He remembered seeing her when the foster parents would bring him to the jail to visit. That all changed when he got sent to live with a shitty set and he ran away, never looking back.

“Logan? Logan is that you?” Sally spoke, tears in her eyes.

Frank looked between the two, dumbfounded. Of all the women in the world he would fall for, he had to pick the one who was possibly the father of his grandchild, and an ex criminal. His eyes darted past Logan and locked right onto Colt, who stood frozen in place. “You!” He seethed, Pointing a finger at him. “Oh shit.” Colt quickly placed the pan he was holding down on the table and took off into the house.

“Oh no you dont, get back here.” Frank took off running after him, coleslaw dripping from his pants. “Dad, wait.” Ellie followed the two into the house. “Dad, just wait. You don't understand.” He froze in place “what don't I understand? How you ended up married to him,” He pointed to Colt who stood at the door. “Because that I don't understand.  How did this happen? When did this happen?”

“6 years ago. In vegas.” Her dad's eyes went wide. “iIt was the night before, well everything went down with the brotherhood.” Her dad slumped down on the couch, the feelings of that time crashing down on him. “She asked for an annulment Mr Martin. This isn't Ellies fault, I didn't file it. If you want to blame anyone, blame me, not her.” Colt stepped forward, his eyes locked on hers.

Her dad let out a long sigh “Well, at least if He's Lucas father, you'll be married.” Ellie closed her eyes “I'm filing for divorce.” Her dads face reddened. “Colt,  why don't you go outside and help out. I need a word with my daughter.” Colt hesitated, waiting for her command. She was his queen, she would always be his queen no matter what, and he would do anything she asked of him, but he wouldn't willingly divorce her. “Go ahead colt.”  He nodded walking back out to the back yard, leaving Ellie and her dad to have a serious discussion.

Logan blinked, stunned. “What. How did you.” He couldn't form the words.  

“Logan, I have been looking for you ever since i got out of jail.” Colt stopped immediately, backing up a pace to hear what was going on. “Oh really? And when was that? Because it seems you haven't done a great job of it.” Logan stood arms folded.  “well, there wasn't much of a trail to follow, you stayed pretty well hidden. The last bit of information I got you were in California, so I came out here.” Logan stared at her, still in Shock that his mother was there. “Can we talk? Please Logan, you have no idea how long I have been waiting to see you.” Logan nodded and the two walked off alone.  

Colt looked over to where toby and Luca were sitting at the kiddie pool, he walked over “Hey squirt, why the long face?”  “Is grampy mad at you?” she sniffled. “No, he's not mad at me sweetie. Everything is ok.” he assured her. “Hey Colt, um aunt Riya said you and mommy are married. Does that mean you're my daddy?”

"Eliana Renne Martin, what the hell do you mean you're filing for divorce?" Frank shouted. "Dad, calm down." "I thought you would be more mad at the fact Ive been married for 6 years and didn't tell you."

"Dont rock the boat Ellie. What is your reasoning for divorcing? Our family does not divorce, trust me it would have been easier to divorce your mother when she got bad, but I didnt did I?"

"No. You didnt. I just, dad we were 18 and 19, we were young and uncertain if we would be in jail or dead." Her father shutteres at the memory.

"I cant talk to you about this. I think youre makimg a huge mistake, but youre my daughter and I love you. Just please, please think about it."

Colt stood there in Shock,  not sure how to handle or answer it. He was relieved when he seen Ellie come out of the house, luckily she was headed right for them. “What's going on?” She noticed the uncertain look on Colts face. “Someone heard the announcement, and has a question.” Ellie looked down at her daughter “Mommy, if you're married to Colt, does that mean he's my daddy?” Her eyes went wide, she looked between the two,she had no idea how to answer without generating a lot more questions. “Well, sweetie i'm not sure. But how about, how about you go to see what grampy is doing ok?” Luca nodded and walked away, they look on her face told her this wasn't the last she would hear about it.

“Im sorry el, She just came out of nowhere. I didn't know what to say.” Colt ran his hand over his face. “Its ok. I didn't either. Lets just hope we get these results back soon. So we know for sure.”  Ellie looked over at Logan sitting by himself, a beer in hand. “I should probably go check in on him.” Colt nodded as she walked away.

“Mind some company?” He looked up, and patted the seat next to him. “So. I guess you heard my mom is dating your dad.” he snorted.

“I heard something like that. How crazy is that?” he let out a half hearted laugh. “But seriously, how are you handling it?”

“I don't know. I'm kind of excited to finally have my mom around. On the other hand, i'm scared.”

Logan told her how his mom was in a car with his dad and a friend. She had been dating him for a little while and they stopped at a bank, his dad apparently robbed it and she was locked up as an accessory. When she got out finally Logan had ran away from foster care and hid himself pretty well. “I guess It's nice to not be alone anymore.” Ellie grabbed his hand “hey, you're not alone. All these people here, the crew, me, Luca. We're you family. You haven't been alone because wherever you go, were with u. Right here.” She placed her hand on his heart. “Thanks Ellie. The same goes for me. I'll always be there for you, no matter what.” He kissed her cheek, and walked over to where Mona and Ximena were standing.

Ellie sat there watching her dad and Sally talk, for a few minutes before hugging and kissing. She turned her head, not wanting to see that. She wondered if her dad knew about Sallys past. She seemed like a very nice woman, and she had not seen her dad so happy. Not in a long time, not since before her mother died. She learned years ago not to judge a book by its cover, so she would give her the benefit of the doubt. If she hurt Logan, she would hunt her down and handle her, herself.  

The day went on, the drama of day seemed to fade away, and everyone ate and were enjoying themselves.  They had a corn hole tournament going on in one corner. Toby lounged in Lucas swimming pool, buzzed and sunburnt, but happy as hell. Logan and Mona were on one team, while Ximena and Darius were on another. Stacie, and Sally sat around watching them.

Colt relaxed in a lounge chair, Luca asleep in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. “You're seriously holding her while she sleeps?” Colt chuckled “well Logan was holding her,  he passed her off to me when it was his turn in Corn hole. She just, fell asleep.” Ellie shook her head. “Suns starting to set, we should probably wake her soon so we can head over to the field and see the fireworks.”  “yeah, my arms dead, so sounds good to me.”

“Luca honey, time to wake up.” Ellie stroked her hair. She started to stir a bit. “He squirt, it's almost time for fireworks. Get up.” Lucas eyes fluttered open. “Can I have some ice cream?” she spoke with a yawn. “Yup. Come on, I'll take you.” Colt stood shaking the sleep from his arm as they disappeared into the house.

Riya slid up next to her. “Watching those two fawn all over Luca has got to be the sexiest thing I've ever seen.” Ellie's mouth flew open. “Ri, you're married and have a son.”

“I know. But seriously, I'm not even sure why you want to divorce Colt. He's clearly still in love with you. Unless.”

“Unless what?”

“Unless you want to be with Logan instead.” Riya waggled her eyes at her.

“I don't know what I want. It's just the right thing to do, divorcing colt. We were so young.”

She rolled her eyes “Whatever you say Ellie.”

“Are you Drunk Riya? And where is Marcus?”

“Mayyyybeeeee.” She giggled. “Dare set the pack n play up in the house, hes sleeping mom sheesh.” Ellie playfully pushed Riyas arm.

They headed out to the field to watch the fireworks display. Toby playing music to go with the show. “Uncle Logie, dance with me.” Luca stood up yanking on his shirt. “Oh sweetie, Stacie asked me to dance first.” Luca puffed out her bottom lip “Ok.” she turned to walk away “Lulu wait. Of course I'll dance with you. Stacie said its ok.” Luca beamed as Logan spun her around. Countless awes coming from the women watching. “Logan is such a good dancer.” Ellie sighed as she watch him float across the black top with her daughter.  

Colt cocked his brow. “Hey. I remember us having some pretty good moves.”

“Of course we did. Are you. Are you Jealous Colt?” she eyed him suspiciously.

“Dance with me Ellie.” she smirked taking his hand. “Oh I guess For old times sakes.”  the song changed as Colt pulled her closer. “You remember this song?”

“How could I forget it.”

Her mind went back to that night in Vegas.

*****

Ellie stood in the empty room, her shaking hands flattened the front of the short white dress she picked up at chapel boutique. Under better circumstances she would have had her father there to give her away, Riya as her maid of honor. She would have spent months picking out her flowers, the dress, the colors, food. But this right here, was what she wanted to do in the moment. Not knowing what the next day would hold. Would she be in jail, dead? She wanted to experience getting married,  she loved Colt, and Colt Loved her. A knock came at the door. “You ready sugar?” An older lady dressed in a tight patent leather dress asked her as she handed her a bouquet.

Ellie nodded as she stepped out of the room. A soft melody began to play as she stepped onto the aisle runner, her eyes locking with Colts.

His breath hitched in his throat at the sight of her. He looked handsome wearing a black suit, he fidgeted with his fingers, anxious to take her hands in his. She stood before him, as they joined hands. “Ellie, you are breathtaking.” his voice cracked with emotion,  making her tear up. “You look so handsome Colt.”

They turned towards the officiant, dressed head to toe like Elvis. “Dearly Beloved. Uh huh. We are gathered here today to join these two hearts together.” They tried to stifle their laughter, quickly composing themselves. “Do you Colton Take Eliana to be your wife?” Colt slid the ring on her finger “I do.”

“And do you Eliana take Colton to be your Husband?” She slid the ring onto his finger “I do.”

“By the state of Nevada and the King, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride. Uh huh.” He shifted his hips in true Elvis fashion. As Colt took her in his arms, their lips meeting in a sensual, sweet kiss.

They shared a first dance, in the chapel. Colt pulling her close to him.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you.

“You know. I think the king was onto something with this song.” Colt smirked. “Oh? And what's that Mr Kaneko?”

“I couldn't help falling in love with you, Mrs Kaneko.”

*****

“I wish you would reconsider the divorce El.” Colts words pulling her from the memory.

Take my hand, take my whole life too. But I can't help, falling in love with you.

“Colt. It's just the right thing to do.”

“the right thing for who? Because I still Love you Ellie. Can you honestly say you don't still Love me?” She stared at him for a moment,  stunned. “I… I…” A loud boom went off above them, Luca came running up “Mommy. Mommy. Its starting.” She grabbed her hand “come on Colt, sit with us.” Her free hand grabbing his.

The next morning Ellie drove into town, she entered the building and stood in line. Her mind swirling from the night before, the dance with Colt, watching Logan dance with Luca. She was so confused, so lost. “Next.” She heard the woman call out. She walked up the desk

“How can I help you?”

She took a deep breath. “I need to file for divorce.”

Tag:

Permatag

@kennaxval @hopefulmoonobject @crookedslimecreatorpasta @be-still-my-aching-heart @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @riseandshinelittleblossom @cocomaxley @bobasheebaby @ownworldresident @cordoniaqueensworld @indiacater @blackcatkita @darley1101

ROD

@daniv2278 @brightpinkpeppercorn @lovehugsandcandy @going-down-downtown @mercyparkcrew @emichelle @annekebbphotography @powdesiree0816 @walkerismychoice @yesivefallenpreytothechoicestrap @zaira-oh-zaira @sweetest-marbear @simsvetements @zaffrenotes @professorortegasstudent @akrenich @ifyouseekheart @client-327 @choicelogansbitch @choicesarehard @paisleylovergirl @itskismetbb @itsmarleen @rhischoicesfanfics @distinguishedsaladoperawinner @iplaydrake @coffeebeandragon @jasidu2

[lucifer-hot-as-hell]

MagicCon 2019

I'm on the train home from MagicCon 2019 in Bonn and this is the 3rd time I try to post this.

I think much has been posted already. So I'm gonna go for personal experiences.

If you have any questions feel free to ask though.

So I had a silver ticket, autographs of all the Lucifer cast and a photo with Tom.

MagicCon is just hilarious in general. The moderators are actually actors (from New Zealand which is not anywhere slightly close to Germany but magiccon was originally pretty much about lord of the rings so it makes sense) and they do comedy panels and improv. And there are not many rules regarding photos and videos on this Con. So it was really relaxed.

On Friday I saw Rachael's panel. She is so sweet, funny and kind. She asked everyone for their name and remembers many people's names...

The opening ceremony and the comedy panel were so funny and weird. Tom played a horse's ass. I went to the party, left after midnight...

On Saturday there were so many Lucifer panels. Each of them was wonderful. Tom performed a song by Damien Rice, which I already posted. I got my artwork signed by Rachael, D. B., Kevin and Lesley-Ann. They were all so sweet. I made keyrings for them and gave it to them at the autograph session.

When we were at the party at night, Rachael and Tom were in the vip area of the piano bar. We were sneaking around on a standing table, trying to act normal... Like pretend to take a selfie when your actually try to take photos Tom. Sean Harry was there as well in suit (on days he wore cosplay) he talked to Tom and Rachael and hugged Rachael when she left. So I read that as a good sign regarding LUX 2 in Birmingham 2020. I left the party at around 1.30 am, shortly after Tom left.

Sunday... The final day. In the morning I realized that I had lost my artwork at the party. It fell out of my bag under the table. So I went a bit crazy freaking out slightly... Nearly bitching our whatsapp group, posting on Twitter... But then the lovely lady at the information desk of the hotel called 3 colleagues and one really found it... Probably in the trash but it was packed in a box so it's fine. I got the call it was found when I was in line for my photo with Tom.

The photoshot was amazing. Tom was in such a good mood and I was as well. I made this shirt for me and one for Tom. And I go up to him and show it to him and ask him if he could wear it. And Tom takes off his glasses, puts the t-shirt over the one he is wearing. This guy watching over the photoshoot is getting impatient... But in German. And Tom doesn't care and I don't. He asked me if I'm alright and said "I don't bite" to which I replied "yeah, I know" we were looking in each other's eyes, then look to the camera. He asks me if he can keep the t-shirt. I hugged him to thank him, when the photographer calls me back, because there was a huge reflection in my glasses. So Tom probably looked better in the first picture because he was also pointing at my design but the reflection was really all over my eye. I saw it for a short moment before it went into the to-be-destroyed box.

So afterwards I collected my artwork, had coffee with fellow lucifans and then went to get the final autograph by Tom on my artwork. He had just come back from a bathroom / cigarette break and was humming while signing. When he signed and complimented me on my work, I said that I also made him a shirt and he said he was still wearing it below the one he was wearing. I actually didn't believe him because he was wearing the shirt he had worn before. I also gave him a bottle of Bavarian craft beer "in case you run out of beer" to which he replied "oh, I've got plenty"

The panel with Tom and Kevin was so much fun. I'll never ever going to be able to hear Kevin Alejandro without thinking "Alejandro, Alejandro" (the song by Lady gaga) I dared to ask a question. I don't know if I came around a bit bitchy when the were joking about the microphone being too high for me. I said "well not everyone can be as tall as you" I asked if they would like to do theater like on the London west end. And they both said absolutely as it was their roots.

There was a panel by the "moderators" and on their panels they do improv which is so much fun. Rachael, Lesley-Ann and Alexander vlahos joined and it was just too funny. Lesley-Ann is just so physical and they all had really dirty minds.

Lucifer panel next...so Tom comes in and he wears the shirt I made for him... And nothing under it... So he had probably told the truth earlier. I got him size L and it was really tight. The panel was great.. Just the spirit. We made Tom ride a trycicle like in the episode and he crashed. There's videos on Twitter. I really liked the first question when there was fan who has cerebral palsy (rather mild form affecting the hands mainly but I didn't see until they mentioned it.. And I usually do. She was dressed as Maze and could flip the knives like... Wow) and she asked if maybe they would want to have a character with a disability on the show. I really liked this question. Lesley-Ann suggested a deaf person as she knows some sign language. But they said the good thing about Lucifer is that Lucifer and Maze's sexuality (first sie said Tom and mine and then corrected it) is just there... It's not a big deal and a disability would probably not be as well.

In the closing ceremony Tom performed 2 songs.... I had goosebumps and tears were running from my eyes... So emotional. I have it on my camera... But I'm sure it's on Twitter soon. They all went crazy on stage, Kevin danced in the crowd, Rachael and Lesley-Ann pretended to make out...

We left the panel and said goodbye to the ones leaving. And suddenly Tom passes. I just went to him (well, he literally went by me so I didn't have to go anywhere) and I just thanked him for wearing the shirt. And he hugged me. It was so lovely. 2 hugs with Tom Ellis on one day...

But convention is not only about the stars... The fans make it what it is. I met people I knew from Brighton. There is one lady of our group who I totally adore because she is so super mature (she's a teacher) and yet such a crazy fangirl and she is a fanfiction author and people came up to her and complimented her on her work. It was so sweet. Like she could have done autographs as well. On Sunday I sat in the bar and restaurant for 5 hours with @adragonstale, his friend, my dear and slightly crazy friend who I had met in Brighton and 2 ladies from our group. We talked about Lucifer and "deep stuff" (pretty much the meaning of life and how to survive in this world... I love this kind of conversations) there were a few people I met only pasding by. Sorry @draco9236 I was in a bad mood before getting my drawing back on Sunday. @omgluciferlover (Why did I think you were Italian after Brighton?) Kinda left in the middle of a conversation but it's okay. I hope everyone had as much fun as I had.

Lucifans are lovely people and it was just lovely. The cast is so kind, sweet and funny and they all really seemed to enjoy it.... Even if for some reason they weren't allowed beer on stage anymore from Saturday afternoon on (not that Tom cared... He brought some when he had a bathroom break...)

I already start missing everything and everyone and this has certainly not been my last Lucifer convention. Look forward to meeting everyone again

[insomnia-productions]

hi so i've been meaning to ask you your rat headcanons fhhsdfh (eye emoji)

so this turned out kinda… long… hope you like the ideas though :)

They first meet when they’re 5. Rand begs Tam to let him visit the village, but Tam has work to do, so he deposits Rand to play with Abell Cauthon’s boy. Mat takes one long look at Rand, then grins and declares, “You’ll do!” He drags Rand to the Coplin house and starts rummaging in the bushes, producing several pots of paint. He then leads Rand through a gap in the wall and together they splatter-paint all of the Coplins’ sheep into rainbows. They spend the whole day playing and Mat boasts about all the cool pranks he’s pulled before. When evening finally falls, Tam comes to take Rand home, and, after much crying and pleading, he agrees to bring Rand to the village at least twice a week to visit Mat (and later Perrin as well). 

Their first kiss is, of course, in Cenn Buie’s apple tree when they’re 10. I think this has been said before, because of Egwene’s comment in EotW, and can I just say: we’ve been blessed. Thanks Egwene. 

Anyway, they’re sitting up the tree and talking, stealing apples, laughing about something stupid, and suddenly Rand leans over and kisses Mat. Just a quick kiss, just on a whim. They both go silent, and then Mat starts giggling, which sets Rand off too, and they hear Cenn Buie yelling at them to get off his tree. Mat laughs, gives Rand a quick kiss, and then leaps down and runs away, with Rand at his heels and Cenn Buie screaming blue murder behind them. 

They don’t talk about it and they don’t kiss again, but something is different. They stick closer together than before and constantly exchange grins. Perrin is sick of them. 

And then they get older. Someone asks them if they like any girls in the village. 

Rand shrugs uncomfortably and says Egwene. 

Mat doesn’t speak to him for a week. 

Perrin is losing his goddamn mind with these two. 

Eventually, things return to normal. Ish. They still don’t talk about it. Mat flirts with the village girls, and occasionally the boys. Everyone assumes Rand will someday marry Egwene. Perrin watches them gaze longingly after each other and resist the urge to bang his head against a wall. 

Then the Trollocs happen. Rand and Mat are separated from everyone else on the way to Caemlyn. You remember that scene from the journey? Mat is sick from the dagger, blind from the lightning, and it’s raining and they’re huddled together under a hedge, and Mat is in a panic? Yeah. Good shit. 

Anyway, it’s raining and cold and Mat is shivering and shuddering and muttering about the Dark One and, once again on a whim, or maybe out of some kind of desperation, Rand kisses him. And Mat calms down. And they still don’t talk. 

They keep on in this way until the morning Mat’s sight returns. Rand is violently shaken awake as Mat bounces on the bed and yells about how he can see again. Rand barely manages to sit up and smile before Mat crashes into him and presses their lips together, but only for a moment as they very quickly tumble onto the floor in a heap. This time, though, they finally don’t run from it, and pass a very enjoyable morning before continuing their journey. 

When the others arrive and Moiraine heals Mat, and he explains that he can barely remember anything from the journey, Rand frowns and asks if he really can’t remember anything. 

And Mat knows that this is it. This decision is all-important. He could pretend not to remember and they could carry on like they always have. Or… He gives Rand a small, red-cheeked smile and says, “I remember some things.”

Rand, equally flushed, smiles back. 

Perrin, in the corner, is losing his shit. 

Of course, Rand then turns out to be the Dragon Reborn, so that really puts a damper on things.

Anyway that’s my take on the evolution of their relationship. I know you’re still reading so I won’t go beyond EotW, but here’s some general relationship headcanons, just for fun—

Perrin claims that Mat’s pranks always get about 70% more extravagant when Rand comes over. He suspects that Mat is trying to impress him. Mat vehemently maintains that this is slander and he will deny it in court. 

-

Mat likes to give things to Rand. All sorts of things - anything that’s pretty. Flowers, mostly, or bits of glass dulled and glazed by the river, or shiny trinkets that were going for cheap. (Mat mentions in a later book that he likes giving pretty things to pretty girls, so I imagine this would extend to pretty boys as well.) 

-

Rand talks Egwene into teaching him some basic healing techniques so he can patch Mat up when he inevitably gets injured during his pranks. Rand claims that he’s doing it so Mat won’t get in trouble with Nynaeve, but really he just likes taking care of him. 

-

Rand has a lot more common sense than Mat, yet he goes along with most of Mat’s pranks anyway. This is 50% because they’re fun and 50% because he’s fallen in love with that wicked, impish look Mat gets at the moment the prank occurs. 

-

One year, on the night before Rand’s birthday, Mat decides to sneak off and visit his farm, since it’s always Rand who has to come to Emond’s Field and Mat wants to surprise him. What he doesn’t know is that Rand is also sneaking out to come meet him, so they can spend time alone before his birthday becomes a public affair in the village. Of course this is a terrible idea and they both get lost. They stumble into each other in the middle of the woods, completely lost, in total darkness. Mat nearly punches Rand before realizing who he is. The two of them wander about together, growing increasingly panicked (mostly because Mat keeps whispering we’re going to die over and over again). Unbeknownst to them both, Perrin saw Mat sneaking off and just knew this would happen, so it isn’t long before he comes along with a search party to rescue them. He brings Nynaeve, though, just to teach them a lesson. They never try to sneak out at night again. 

[irepookie]

Infinity Chapter 4-

Meet The Family (PT.1)

Summary: QUEEN AU where Rog (aka Rowan Queen) is a young single dad struggling to make it into music industry.

Warnings: not really. Just fluff, sappiness and swearwords here and there

Disclaimer: I don't own the pictures. The boys are based on Queen, but Piper, Gina and Callie are mine

John: Rick Lincoln (Cause he is John Richard Deacon born on August 19th 1951™™™™™)

Brian: Terry Garrett (Cause my uncle used to have a black puddle named Terry and I had no choice)

Freddie: Len Mars (Yea I couldn't help myself)

Chapter 4- Row opens up with the boys about the raisin.

“I'm a dad”........

"Okay, let's... let's get over this again: A daughter?" Terry, the band's guitarist couldn't believe his ears.

"Yes, Terry. A daughter" Row repeated for the 19th time from the other side of the phone.

"A baby." Len said, taking another sip of his tequila.

"No, a 30 year old alpaca." Row said sarcastically. "Yes, a goddamn baby. Fucking gorgeous, just so you know"

"And you're gonna keep her." Rick, who had been quietly plunking his bass' strings, added. "Are you sure?"

"It's done. I've already kept her. And it's not like I'm rescuing a shelter dog. She's mine. Period."

"Sorry, was just trying to... Wrap my head around it"

To be honest, Row still couldn't quite believe it (that he was a father). Not even now, as he tried to convince his best friends while holding his girl with the other arm.

"And is your mom okay with it?" Terry asked

He scoffed, clutching his Lil raisin close at the thought "My mom has no say in this".

"But she knows" Rick said.

He sighed "Yes, she knows. And she was a bitch about it, okay? She can disown me for all I care". It's not like there was much to inherit, anyway.

There was a general sigh from his three best friends.

"And what are you gonna do?"

" 'bout what?"

"Um, I don't know, man. About School? Maybe about your life in general?"

"School ain't something I'm worrying about".

"What a surprise" Rick rolled his eyes.

"But you're still in the band right?" Len said

"Oh, of course. Of course. You guys are gonna be the only ones keeping me sane"

They chuckled

"But we ain't gonna babysit for you, huh?"

"As if you knew anything about babies"

"Well, the same as you." Terry said

"Just what I was saying: nothing at all" Row grinned

"Her future looks bright, then" Len half teased.

"Incandescent, in fact" Row could pretty much hear Terry's arched eyebrow.

The youngest member could only roll his eyes and try not to take it as an insult. He knew this was a lot to process all of a sudden and that in the inside, beyond the sarcasm and teasing, they were happy for him.

"Whatever, guys" he replied, as Pips began to frown. He sighed, knowing that meant smelly treat was on its way "Gotta go. By the way, she just told me she thinks you guys stink" he grinned, before hanging up.

The other three men exchanged a confused glance, and stayed in silence for a minute, until Len broke it:

"I say he'll go completely nuts in seven days".

"That long? Nah, I think less than 24 hours after they leave the hospital." Terry said

Len smirked "Bet?"

"I'm a bit tight at the moment, pal"

"Then not money. If I win, you'll be my model for the midterm design project. It's 30's fashion. For ladies, of course".

"Ok. But if I win you'll do my chores for a whole weeks."

"A whole week?!"

"Seven days, if you prefer it."

They shook hands "Deal. Rick? Join us?"

"I actually rather believe that they'll be alright" Rick got up and stretched.

"Well of course they will. Eventually. Row always figures things out." T said

"The fun part is to watch him go crazy in the meantime" Len chuckled "Like when he first moved in and left a fork in the plate when first using the microwave"

They laughed, remembering how their friend had called them at 9 PM in panic, screaming the microwave had exploded.

"Let's just hope for the best. I mean he seemed quite sure of himself this time. And who knows, maybe being a dad is the best way to grow up." Rick defended

"Yea, well a bit radical, don't you think?" Len said

"Like sock therapy. If smokers quit when diagnosed with lung cancer, maybe Row settles down now he has a baby"

"I just still don't get why he didn't just put her in adoption" T said

Rick shrugged "Would you if you were in his shoes?"

"Absolutely"

"That's exactly how Row would've answered, say, a week ago. That's what we all answer. Until it really happens. I think it's one of those situations where you can't really picture until you live it."

"But this is Rowan Queen we're talking about. Rowan <<Made out with both Jones Twins at the same party Cause I didn't remember which was which>> Queen. I mean, he does know that a kid is gonna freeze his sex life for indefinite time, right? What the hell was going through his head?" Terry said

"I can't believe you think that." Len interjected "I mean, I'm the one who's never gonna be a dad here, and the one who failed biology, but even I get it. He met her right? Before any decision was made, he met her. Once you meet your kid, you're tangled up forever. And you might think you're not but if you give them away you'll never get rid of a feeling of remorse."

"Wow, Lenny, that was deep"

"Yea, where'd you get that from?"

"Just common sense."

"Funny, considering you're the one who's started the bet" Rick grinned

"One thing doesn't prevent the other. And out of the two of us, I'm the optimistic! He gave him one day, I gave him seven! I trust him"

"Well I'm not sure if I do. I mean, I love him, he's a great guy, a great musician, and everything else, but he's not reliable. Remember his first job as a waiter? I'm still waiting for the fish and chips I ordered last April"

The other two chuckled "I once lent him a t-shirt, and I swear I saw Liz Michael's wearing it" Len said

"See what I mean?"

"Yes, well, we can't do anything about it, T. It's his life"

"But this affects us too, one way or another. This affects the band. And he didn't even consult us"

"Well what did you expect him to do? Call and go <<Hey guys, are you fine with me having a daughter? No? Okay, just checking. Bye>>?" Rick imitated a phone with his hand, doing a decent impression of their friend's high voice.

"A head's up would have been nice"

"Terry, just chill for fucks shake. I mean, this is unexpected, but Row's our best friend, our brother, and we have to support him. Because, if he's a dad, that's makes us her uncle's. And it'll be fun having a little niece we can spoil" Len smiled at the idea.

"Spoil? With what money?" Terry, always realistic, put his hands on his hips

"With the upcoming tour's, of course darlings" he twirled majestically around the room

"First, that's in four months" Rick reminded

"If it does happen at all"

They still had one last song to arrange And record. Plus, they didn't know how Row was gonna make it work now he had a baby. But nobody addressed that concern out loud.

"Oh don't be so goddamn negative, fellas! C'mon! We're uncle's! Row's made a very important, life-changing, mature decision, and we should be proud of him. So" he went to the fridge and returned with three beers "I say we toast for him and the lil Queenie"

The other two grinned and accepted the cans, opening them.

"Oh, I say we Split a fourth beer in his behalf, cause parents shouldn't drink while breastfeeding" Terry mocked, earning a laugh

"To the Queens" Rick raised his can "For our little bro to take this seriously and not fuck this kid up"

"To the Queens" Terry and Len crashed theirs as well.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Meanwhile, in the hospital...

"Goddamn it, raisin! How can someone so small produce so many colors of something so stinky?" Row exclaimed, holding his breath as he clipped the fresh nappy on his daughter "We only feed you milk! Like... Like white milk! How can you turn a white liquid into rainbow pudding? Holy shit" he held the dirty one at arms length and threw it in the bin "It's a damn good thing I love you, cause I won't do this for anyone else" he told her, lifting her up to his chest again before walking around the room

"You gonna be a good girl for me for the next eighteen years? Huh?" He kissed her chubby cheek "What am I saying? You're my daughter, of course you're gonna be a trouble maker. But we'll get along, you'll see. I ain't gonna be like my parents. Don't worry. I won't be a bloody pain in the ass like mom, and I will never ever do anything my old man did. That I can promise. But I gotta admit I do want you to be like Gina. Yea, she's a control freak sometimes, but let's face it: she's gotta be the strongest person I've ever met. You should've seen her kicking the bastard out the house. She took no shit."

He smiled somewhat proudly at the memory, and for a second forgot how mad he was at her for turning her back on them.

"You wanna be a badass gurl like her? Huh? Yes you do. Yes you do" he cooed, craning his neck so he could brush his nose with her little button one. Her fist chose to close around the nearest strands of blond hair on reach, which he found secretly adorable.

But a part of him did wish he had mom's support. After all, despite the rough patches through his teens, they had always had each other's back; through thick and thin. She had have to raise him all alone, and although he hadn't even begun with Pips, he already knew it hadn't been easy. She may be stern, and a bit inflexible when it came to negotiating allowance. She could come across as rude if you caught her in the wrong mood (which many neighbors had) but above all she was a good person and a good mother.

And looking back, he hadn't been such a great son. He could have been more responsible, less handful and more obedient. Less rebellious, too. He could have thanked her more often for the thousand things she did everyday. For the meals. For all the jobs she had taken to provide for the two of them. For the surprise birthday gift she had got him with the money she had been saving: a real drum kit. For helping him move out her house into that one room crappy appartement which would be Pip's home.

But still she had rejected Piper without a second thought, regardless of her anger towards him; Pips was her granddaughter, she had done nothing wrong and as her father, Row doubted he would ever forgive Gina.

He sighed, untangling the hand of his hair and bringing it to his lips "But you don't have to worry about all that. Just concentrate on staying strong and growing up. And I promise I'll focus all of me on being the best dad. That you'll never miss a mom cause you don't need one. You've got me and I swear I'll be enough. Even if I'm still young: I'll have it all more fresh won't I?" He grinned "You're the one person who's never judged me yet, and I don't wanna let you down"

That a was vow. And he was determined to keep it.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

This one goes to my mega-paragraphist @definitely-darcy who's got my engine going through the usual inspiration blocks, and who's reviews help me improve. She's made me believe in this fic, and encouraged me to keep going despite the one digit notes.

Xx- Pookie