#i've been going through a lot of pre-2015 posts and the ways in which this site breaks are fascinating to me

[windrunner]

i know it's just the tumblr UI being fucked up but my follower count keeps fluctuating heavily on all of my blogs and it gives me a weird sense of paranoia

[james-a-b]

the TATINOF experience

ok so. i've wanted to make a post about this for a While now; i feel like a lot of people don't really understand or appreciate how unprecedented TATINOF really was, and for me, watching it in Seattle in 2016, it was the best day of my life.

So here we go.

(I've put the rest below a readmore bc this is an 18 paragraph post lmao)

On March 26th, 2015, Dan and Phil revealed TABINOF via a trailer set in the distant future. The book itself was not entirely unprecedented- other youtubers had written and were writing books, but for the most part (at the time) these were either fictional works or serious biographies; TABINOF was a time capsule of Dan and Phil's youtube brand, and a glimpse into parts of their lives we hadn't seen yet. (For example; Phil's hamster breeding adventures) But tucked into the pages of the book in the trailer were a pair of tickets to The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire. This was insane. No youtuber had ever gone on tour before, save perhaps for a few musicians; no one had done a stage show. No one knew what to expect.

And, as they asked the audience of each show not to share spoilers, most of us went on not knowing what to expect until we'd seen it ourselves.

I saw the show on June 18th, 2016, near the end of the US leg of the tour. I went in knowing three things:

There were set ways in which we the audience could participate: there was Crafty Corner, Weird Kid, Phone Support Hotline, and a 7 Second Challenge submission box. (I submitted art to Crafty Corner, and I was thrilled just knowing they'd see it)

The set was a giant microwave. What this meant, I could not imagine.

Everyone who'd already seen the show said it was incredible.

I remember having had a dream that I was at the show like a week before it actually happened, and I woke up just as the show was about to start in the dream because my brain couldn't come up with anything they might do onstage lmao.

I can't even begin to put into words how incredible the atmosphere was before the show even started. Phannies were lined up for two blocks outside the theatre, and I'd never felt so welcome anywhere in my life. The doors opened. I believe Cornelia was working the merch stand pre-show, though I don't remember for sure- I got a signed copy of TABINOF and then I took my seat.

The set was incredible, and the pre-show playlist was amazing. Everyone sang along to every song, and when Troye Sivan's Wild came on, everyone screamed. Seriously, if you've never looked at the pre-show playlist for TATINOF you should. Finally, All Star by Smash Mouth played. Everyone was singing along, and laughing because of course Dan put that in there, and then, halfway through the song, the music stops and the lights go out. Everyone screamed, and the opening sequence began to play on the microwave. I understand why they opted to edit that directly into the beginning of the recording, because it would've been a little difficult to see in the recording otherwise, but at the same time it hit so much better when it played directly on the microwave.

And then they came out on stage, and they were so much more awkward than I expected. Dan kept squatting slightly, like he was trying to be shorter, and Phil moved almost like a marionette. They said their hellos, and then they addressed the microwave being there, and the plot started to become apparent- Phil had microwaved his laptop.

I'm not going to get into too much detail on every bit of the show, because I've already written about eight paragraphs and I could write about twenty more going play-by-play through every aspect of the show, but that's not the point of this essay, so I'll attempt to keep things at least a little shorter than that.

The first truly unprecedented thing was when Dan said they were "having a bit of a domestic" when Phil said he couldn't get off the lion. This was the very first time they'd come anywhere near addressing the elephant in the room (their relationship) publicly since the V-day vid. Obviously, compared to the things they've said in 2024 (we've never fucked on youtube, etcetera), "we're having a bit of a domestic" is incredibly tame, but this was huge. Everyone screamed.

And then, shortly after, Phil started singing, and everyone screamed much louder. They did little songs all the time in baking videos or while playing the sims, but this was different. This was on stage, with a spotlight and everything. It was not a surprise to me when Dan cut Phil off; I thought the song was for sure a joke, that there was no way they'd come back to it (spoiler alert, they did).

And then there was the 7 Second Challenge bit, and Reasons Why Phil Was A Weird Kid, and Uncle Dan's Phone Support Hotline, and the PINOF 75 bit. And it was all weird and crazy and amazing. But the next thing I really want to focus on is Fanfiction Live.

Fanfiction Live was... absolutely insane. My show chose cowboys on the moon, and the script they wrote for it was.... so undeniably gay? Like. "Should Phil draw Dan like a French girl"? Are you kidding? This really happened???? They wrote this in 2015. Four years before they came out. This was so far beyond unprecedented. This was unthinkable.

And then, immediately following this insanity, they began Smashing Plates and then they were like "IT'S DIL" and by this point i was hoarse from screaming but when I tell you I screamed...

And then Dil said all those things about Dan feeling like nothing he did was worth anything, but that it meant a lot to Dil and to the audience, and that Phil felt like he had to change who he was to please others but that we appreciated him for who he is... I melted. It was a moment of such genuine honesty, and they'd saved my life, and I loved them so, so much.

And then Phil started singing again, and Dan didn't stop him, and Dan started singing too, and the song was so them, ironic yet genuine, and I was out of my mind because I couldn't believe they were Singing On Stage like that, like, they were youtubers. Not professional singers. No one asked or expected them to go that far. But they did it.

it was the best day of my life.

[tatchling]

Shipper tag game

tagged by @lunanoc (heathen <3)

What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore?

I wasn't much of a shipper when I was younger? and while I forget about ships, bringing them back to my attention is usually enough for me to go <3<3<3

Which ship would you consider your first one?

Steve/Bucky (mcu version) - I wouldn't say it was my first ship but the one I was really aware I was shipping - before then I really did like uh I think it's Fey/Kurogane (not sure on the names) from the dimension hopping CLAMP thing (where they look for Sakura's wings bits)

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

I had to check XD - An unfinished Steve/Bucky, written in 2015 - tbh I though my first fanfic was a brotherly relationship (no shipping) one, bc that's the oldest I do remember and that is complete

Do you remember the first couple you saw fanart of?

Probably Castiel/Dean? Supernatural was inescapable pre-2011

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

Not so much discourse as I got on some anti list for reaper76 for not shipping pure innocent white bread and macho aggressive man versions of the characters lolol

Did you use to have any NOTP or have one currently?

only one through all the fandoms I've been in - Tony/Steve (mcu version only) - I think the comics version is fine, this is a movies only dislike

Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?

errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr probably heihua? OH WAIT NO, it was Er Jing/Wu Erbai & Pan Zi/Wu Sanxing

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

Considering that I rarely ever (if ever) fall out of a ship, and that I both multi ship and rarepair ship (on top of sometimes liking the obvious main ship) there's a trove of ships in my pocket (it would need its own post probably)

Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

Nah. Canon is canon, shipping is shipping. I sometimes wish they had but it never goes beyond.

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

Uh not really? Maybe Pan Zi/Wu Sanxing, but mainly because the whole thing is nothing but pain and lies and broken promises on Pan Zi so...

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would've been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

What is your favorite crack ship?

I don't do crack pairs lmao. Now ask me about my rarepairs and we'll be there forever.

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

Overall, either reaper76 or Steve/Bucky - mainly based on the size of these fandoms - more recently it's probably heihua

What do most of your ships usually have in common?

Complex relationships? No easy top/bottom, no simple who leads and who follows. I like them to be difficult but entangled in each other in a way that feels organic and layered and not just smashing random things together

What you absolutely hate in a ship?

If I can't make sense of it. I can make sense of a lot of ships, and I live and have lived in rarepair hell for years, so not being able to make heads or tails of how two characters would fit together means I can't ship them (and that there'll be no point telling me about them)

tagging @shaish, @tiesanjiaoshenanigans, @kelly42fox, @thatlittlemouse @mejomonster aaaaaaaaaand whoever else wants in

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Making a list of the things I've written since the beginning of 2016 to remind myself of stuff I've got done since my mental health collapsed and I had to rebuild it

New draft of Ambrose's book for an R&R (2016-2017, even though the original book was pre-2016)

About 60k words of a bloated, awful book that was abandoned and is unsalvageable, honestly

A monstrous 150k first draft, a second draft that cut it down to about 90k, poked at a third draft, before also abandoning it

About 55k of a NaNo project that was abandoned before actually being finished, because it sucked. But I did win NaNo that year

Two drafts of Tiadane's book (about 2/3 done of draft three)

About 25k words of Avel's book; on hold due to not having time to properly untangle the narrative while revisions are in-progress; not abandoned.

5 CHKDSK short stories, approximating like 23-24k? Each are between 3-5k

That short story I posted on Tumblr like a month ago (roughly 3k)

Various flash fic pieces and unfinished projects (no real clear number, just lots of noodling around with generally less than 2k each, if even that

Anyway, it feels like I haven't accomplished a lot in those last seven years because so many of the things I tried were just awful and needed to be abandoned before completion, which I hadn't done since early college, so it felt weird at the time.

But it's also kind of reassuring to see that I was trying so many different things. I never gave up looking, even when nothing was working out.

Anyway, burnout sucks, trying to write with deeply untreated mental illness is hard, and frankly, on top of being some of the most difficult writing years of my life, everything sucked.

I think I've come out of this period a better writer, but jeez, there's honestly some writing trauma I had to work through because of how badly it was going for a while there and how all my writing went completely to shit from a skill perspective.

And not even in a levelling up way. The books I wrote in 2015 are better than the ones I wrote in 2018, even though they're worse than the ones I write in 2023. They were just very bad.

Just looking at three solidly attempted novels that were given up is something kind of tragic and horrifying. Feels like something slaughtered that I had to struggle past after watching it die horribly.

Especially knowing how hard it was to even get anything written of those projects. I fought so hard for what feels like nothing.

Trauma.

I think thinking about it that way, and recognizing that I had to rebuild my entire writing process that I'd had for nearly two decades as it fell down around me, helps me think about why recovering has taken so long and been so tentative and slow.

[race-week]

hey al! i've been wanting to rewatch some races from the past season but dont know where to begin or which ones i should watch :/ any recs?

hope you have a great day!

Hi anon, it depends on the sort of thing that you like, do you want to watch full seasons start to finish, do you want incredible title fights, do you want to see a particular driver doing well?

Typically I'd recommend not going back much earlier than 2011, maybe even 2014, just because the tyres were very different pre 2011 and the engines were different pre 2014, but there's some incredible seasons in that time, so I would recommend them as a good watch but some rules and stuff are different.

Personally I love 2007/8/9, there were some good battles and title fights. 2010 and 2012 are quite competitive seasons and are fun to watch. I can't remember an awful lot of seasons post 2012, I haven't watched them recently.

In terms of specific races:

2008, 2009, 2012, 2019 Brazil

2019 Germany

2014 and 2015 Hungary

2011 Canada (skip the red flag period), 2014 Canada

2017 Azerbaijan

2012 European

2012, 2015 Malaysia

2008, 2011, 2012 Italy

There are definitely others that I have forgotten, but these are the ones off of the top of my head, as you can see Brazil is usually one of my favourite races, especially when it's the season finale.

Hope you have a great day too

EDIT: thank you @mickstart

Anon, if you have a lot of time on your hands start in 2008 and make your way through to 2012, I would recommend doing that. I basically did that recently but from 2005, its definitely worthwhile.

[omni-scient-pan-da]

People I talk about in my original posts

Theater Boy (he/him): Made me a Trollhunter sign out of engraved wood, gets very hyped about musical

Murphy (he/him): An absolute cinnamon role, legitimately started talking about bunk beds when asked about top vs bottom a few years back, also in musical, in a throuple with him and Mystic

Genevieve (they/them): My gay awakening who I was madly in love with for like 7 months before confessing, we're still good friends and we talk like every day

Michelle (she/her): Had a crush on Genevieve the same time I did but agreed not to let a girl get between our friendship and basically were each other's wingman until we both confessed and got rejected, we now have a secret code to avoid any confusion about whether or not we actually like each other romantically considering pre-covid we said and did a lot of romantic-y things, might also be my roommate at college?? 👀👀

Mystic (they/them): The asshole (affectionate) that decided they had to hunt down my Tumblr in order to find my wesper fic 🙄, also in a throuple with them and Murphy (@/mysticalninjaearthquake)

Bisexual Girl (she/her): A girl in musical that I low-key thought had a crush on me but was probably making it up in my head

Tall Boy (he/him): Golden Retriever personality that started being friendly to me and it did not compute because of how little interaction I have with the opposite binary gender

May (they/them): Basically me but in a slightly different font, went through a pining arc with them that lasted from February 2023 to July 2023 after I wrote them a letter a day to read while they were on an overseas vacation and included a confession in the last one and then was politely but officially rejected a few days after they returned to the States

Mona (she/her): On the bowling team with me for two years, literally everyone talks about her behind her back, and is too full of herself

Hetty (she/her): Mildly better than Mona, also on the bowling team, still annoying though and gets on my nerves

Florence (she/her): Says she's cishetallo but is the most aroace coded person I have ever met until she's around Mia, in which she then becomes the most lesbian coded person I've ever met. Known her and been friends for almost seven years now, surprised I haven't blogged about her sooner

Mia (she/her): Florence's counterpart that makes her act way more gay, they're always in a package, literally any time we invite Florence and Mia out together they disappear together with no explanation as to where they're going

Beatrice (she/her): My first ever college friend!! Or, at the very least the college friend I'm closest to, she was willing to watch Bungo Stray Dogs with me and listen to my rambling about my gay blorbos and still put up with me which is how you know she's a real one

Phoenix (any pronouns): My ex partner, I've known them since fall of 2015 but it took us til October of 2023 to actually truly interact, and then from there took a month to hit situationship(?) status and then forewent my six step plan in favor of talking about my feelings and officially got together towards the end of December 2023 and broke up in late April 2024 because I don't think we ever would have worked as an actual relationship

Ryn (they/them): College friend I met my first semester of college through the musical I did, and then gradually got closer to as we neared the end of the semester and now they're like my closest friend in college and is also way too cool to be friends with me but they don't seem to realize this so uhh no one tells them

Bella (she/her): Michelle's ex-girlfriend, she went to high school with me and Michelle and was one of the sweetest people I had ever known until I witnessed her and Michelle's breakup and now she's uh.... Interesting to say the least

Thea (she/her): College friend that's currently in a homoerotic friendship with Michelle

Annie (she/any): Directing the musical I'm writing! Dating Raine, a friend from college, one of the kindest most outgoing people I've ever met

Raine (she/her): Assistant directing/art directing the musical I'm writing! Dating Annie, a friend from college, I know her tumblr @ but she doesn't know mine, also obsessed with Scum Villain and is my favorite person to bounce fanfic ideas off of

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[sheerioswifties]

So today I've been writing representatives again and realized that maybe what I wrote them can serve as a placeholder as a general summary of my situation, so I'm going to paste and post it here real quick before my phone dies. Then I'll come back and work on more. In the mean time:

My name is Brynn. I live in Washington State and I've been going through a really bad crisis.

My husband and I are facing homeless and I am disabled from chronic illness, which has left me also severely immuno compromised and at high risk with the virus. It's really, really scary being on the street with no safe place to go in the middle of all of this. Plus, we are in Vancouver, WA- suburb and directly across the Columbia from Portland, which is where I usually have to go for most of my medical appointments. I'm hoping you can maybe imagine what we're going through from just all of that....

But it's worse- what put us in this place to begin with. In 2015, my husband was recruited by his step-father -the new husband of his historically abusive mother who he'd been estranged from- but this man, Bill Bryant, asked for my husband to come work for his insurance and financial company, Bryant and Associates, which was having massive financial trouble and issues with employees stealing their client data from an unsecured network. My husband does/did IT work, so Bill offered him $50/hr plus bonuses, including an eventual position as part owner, to come work to fix the networking and encryption problems among a lot of other things. We were about to move farther away, so the Bryants persuaded us to instead "temporarily" move into their spare bedroom, since I was very sick and that way they could all work on the company 24/7; with promises that we'd quickly make so much money we could get a home in town, new car, better health insurance, etc. They worked my husband HARD and very long hours- he'd be at the office 72+ hours straight at a time many weeks having to spend the nights there, up the entire time doing all the things they ordered of him. At first, they asked if he could kindly wait for payment until after open enrollment, when they'd have the money to give us a big check.

To make a long and painful story short, Bill and Jeanette kept asking for patience in paying my husbands wages and back pay, continually putting it off until finally admitting they had no intention of ever paying him. They worked my husband, forced labor, for 4 years and then didn't pay- not only forcing us into an artificial destitution, having to resort to applying for things like food stamps which had specifically been part of the original agreement- before agreeing to work for them, my husband specified that we could not take the fall for their financial or legal troubles; we could not be put in a position to have to apply for government help like food stamps (we have historically preferred to be able to volunteer to help others in need and be productive); etc- all of which they agreed to in order to get us moved in and effectively stuck there, held hostage under duress for 5 years. They'd threaten that if he did not obey their every command, they'd ruin us completely, they'd take me away, and never pay, etc. They abused and violated us and we couldn't ever tell anyone due to their threats. They told us that even if we tried to ever turn them in, they'd get away with it all. They had pre-planned this all. They'd chosen us to be scapegoats to hang their business, financial and legal failures on and then bury. They saw me as weak and easy prey as disabled. They worked the "family" angle with my husband since Jeanette is his biological mother- despite the two having no such relationship and Jeanette resuming her verbal, emotional and physical abuse (including an assault in the work place) on him. They kept us under their control by depriving us of everything needed to get away- we had no money as they didn't pay but kept forcing him to work, so he couldn't seek work elsewhere (and they never filled out the documentation for him to be able to get unemployment ever); and they destroyed our ability to ever get a new job or home as we now have no reference or history for income, work, rent etc- the Bryants made sure that unless we stayed under their abusive control, we had nowhere to go but the street. And they knew- because they said it often- that that would essentially be a death sentence for me in my condition. They used coercive control, financial control and abuse, fraud, forced unpaid labor, and a whole slew of other practices to hold us under duress to leach resources off us and plan out hanging everything on us.

They tried repeatedly to get my health care surrendered over to them so that they could reap the financial benefits of both taking on a medicare patient as well as getting to claim me as a dependant/get paid as "caretakers". When we refused these demands, we faced vicious retaliation. They seem to even still be trying to find a way to take me/take over me this way. They called in a fraudulent "wellness check" to the police- which is extremely problematic as I'll soon be outlining- claiming horrible things about my husband in order to get both police and my personal healthcare team to mistrust and believe a false narrative, which has caused a lot of lasting problems for me especially with my healthcare.

Then, when the pandemic hit, and they had been living at their new office in one of the historically protected Officer's Row houses, which are zoned for business only but the Bryants moved into it as they liked the prominent location in the community and had long wanted a live/work situation; but when the shutdown happened, they decided they wanted to move back into the house we were living as tenants in so they could spend the time there. WA landlord tenant law expressly forbids their actions which we informed them about, but even more so with the shutdown- they were supposed to stay where they were and us where we were, especially because they are older and I, again, am very high risk and was told to quarantine myself. They willfully disregarded all of our governor's laws for the pandemic and continued to enter the house without any notice, refused to wear any ppe, still not even masks, and would almost daily destroy all our cleaning and sanitizing work; forcing me to have to be stuck isolating in one room again; using the kitchen which meant we had to throw away all food because Jeanette likes to put her bodily fluids in food and dishes for "fun," they'd take our laundry out and throw it on the floor in order to use our expensive sanitary cycle washer for themselves which they then broke and refused to fix or replace; they let their dog wander free and walked in and out from yard work tracking in lots of things from outside and throwing dirty tools everywhere... all during the "stay at home" shutdown. We repeatedly asked them in writing to respectfully abide by the laws for everyone's health and safety.

They then angrily and vindictively went about trying to forcibly evict us, despite the firm eviction moratorium in place. We filed the official complaint with state AG Bob Ferguson's office, who told us this was a case of wrongful eviction and they called the Bryants and explained this and told them to stop harassing us. They didn't. Instead, they retaliated with increasingly hostile attacks on us both, burglarized and trespassed, stealing and damaging most of our property- which was all in the process of being packed and moved, as we were trying to get out, even though we had no place to go- we were packing everything into storage. Jeanette continued escalating threats and we tried to reach out to everyone possible but no help came.

They told us they found a loophole to the moratorium, just as Jeanette had done to her first husband when she wanted to leave him- she said she would get a restraining order and that would force us out immediately... we asked what on earth she'd use as a basis for that (especially because we ourselves had been researching how to get protective orders as their dangerous and threatening behavior escalated), because we hardly even interacted at all except in writing and have never done anything warranting this. Jeanette said she would say whatever she needed to, she'd say she was threatened and that she'd be believed because she's a woman and her status in the community.

They followed through after we once again had to call police on them for breaking in, risking my life and stealing our property- Bill and Jeanette filled out a completely proveably fraudulent petition for a protective order and the judge did not even read it nor bother to cross check the facts with existing police reports that would prove it a lie- he approved it, and days later they surprised us by serving my husband and having him removed from our home, leaving me unprotected and without my care taker, disabled and stuck unable to do anything, let alone finish the packing and moving we needed to do to get out and away from them. We don't have anyone in the area to go to for help so I was alone. After they got my husband out, police allowed Bill and Jeanette to immediately move themselves back into the house where I was still residing- despite me trying to tell them that they were abusive AND that WA state law does not allow them to move in like that. The police disregarded me and told me to take it up in court later.

That night, Bill and Jeanette barricaded me in my room. It has 2 doors, so they stacked boxes and heavy materials in front of both, and then each slept in front of a door. They drilled a hole through the wall where they knew my bed/ head was and set up a music device next to it for hours while they went about taking the rest of my property and doing I have no idea what with it- it's gone. They just took it all. They also continued what they've done the whole time we lived there; heavily eavesdropping and monitoring everything I said and did by looking/listening through that hole, through the crack at the bottoms of the doors, leaning against the walls and doors to listen and to let me know they're there; harassing me by talking at me tauntingly through the walls or tapping/dragging fingers across the walls and doors... and more...

Bill Bryant and Jeanette Hazen Bryant also know very well that as part of my illness, I have an extreme heat intolerance- I've had heat stroke before and high temps can make me very sick, pass out, die- especially dangerous alone in that room without my husband. They also know that anything over 75° will kill my care pet of 12 years, my chinchilla. They've given us a hard time over the years about the air conditioning, even going as far as repeatedly and violently dismantling the outside HVAC unit out of spite- and any kind of manipulation or removal of utilities is also illegal under WA law. That night, they took it to a next level. It was already 90° out that day. When they came in and barricaded me in the room, they turned on the heater- full blast and at least at 100° and left it going.

At first I thought they were trying to get me to come out, so they could get to me and/or force me out of the house too which seemed their end game. However after discovering the measures they'd taken to keep me hostage in that room while doing that; the evidence is clear that they were trying to kill me. They knew the heat would hurt me, make me pass out and nobody would help me. They knew in the least it would start by killing my chinchilla, who unknown to them had luckily been taken with my husband so he was safe. But I was attacked. I was imprisoned and tortured and worse. All of my personal, private property was taken. I called 911 that night, but our local police was "so tired" of being called to this house, the operator hung up on me. If she'd sent someone that night when I'd called, they would have caught both Bill and Jeanette red handed.

Instead, I endured that night and through the next morning, when Bill conveniently left and then Jeanette ended up being arrested for unlawful imprisonment when police had to breach into the house to remove the barricade and make sure I was safe. They took Jeanette away and charged her but she was then released the next morning on pre-trial release... she has since violated the criminal restraining order that's supposed to protect me several times and despite the prosecution ensuring me that if she did that she'd be arrested again, she hasn't been. And then Bill Bryant got away, despite having been 100% complicit in all the acts. He needs to be arrested and charged too. But these people have repeatedly told us they'll get away with everything. They told us they have friends in high places, and that their status in the community and things like Bill being a Navy vet and owning a business and house and Tesla will swing things their way- and it has. So far everyone that looks at this sees them and thinks they're above us, that They're better because of the business, the house, the tesla - all just face value; they are in severe debt over the business and house and everything they have was bought with OUR money which they withheld, purposefully pushing us into poverty so that we look, at face value, like we must be in the wrong. And we have not been heard. My husband went to court with a lawyer and evidence proving that restraining order false- the judge REFUSED TO EVEN LET HIM SPEAK. She sided with the Bryants before he even had his turn and refused to let him present evidence.

This is the treatment we've received in general as we're just seeking justice and to clear our names and rebuild our life so we can move on. I have written and called every official I can; posting, seeking public and media support. We really, REALLY need help and we need powerful help. I don't know what you may be able to do, but even if you have suggestions, or maybe could help with a lawyer, I don't know. But I'm reaching out and hoping you're listening.

It's really hard having to navigate this personal situation especially right now when I feel like both our energies could be so much better used elsewhere with everything going on. We are stuck destitute, hardly able to eat, but we want to be helping others. It's frustrating. I'm hoping above hope that I can reach someone with my story that can maybe help us over this hurdle so that we may then use our platforms and energies for better good and to get back to contributing to the community. Please, please, reach out to us if you see this.

(Edit/update to come)

[happymetalgirl]

Coheed and Cambria - Vaxis – Act I: The Unheavenly Creatures

If it weren't for the genuinely enthralling heaviness of the epic symphonic metal banger, "Welcome Home", Coheed and Cambria probably wouldn't really find themselves talked about all too much in metal circles. They've had a few other flashes of metallic vigor since then, like "The Broken" and "Here We Are Juggernaut", but for the most part, Claudio Sanchez and his instrumental company have focused on providing a mostly pop/proggy (and only slightly metal) backing to Sanchez' ongoing comic series, The Armory Wars. The band's momentary break from scoring the series on 2015's The Color Before the Sun took a surprisingly successful and emotive turn for the poppier after the seemingly forced pre-prequel double release, The Afterman.

The band are back to the lore of The Armory Wars on this new album whose lengthy title I'm just going to avoid writing, and with their longest effort to date at almost 80 minutes.

The lead single, "The Dark Sentencer" launches into a blood-pumping beat and chant-driven prog metal opus after the album's spoken word prologue. It's expansive, but it does lose its steam pretty quickly and doesn't really do enough to justify its length. The plincky electronic intro of "Unheavenly Creatures" leads into a standard poppy post-punk cut the band made their name on, one that feels like it would be at home in Hot Topic, but not quite as cringy as the music it would probably be surrounded by on the playlist. The album moves on to its second-longest song "Toys", which does a bit more to maintain its energy, with a somewhat theatrical drum crash intro leading into the kind of skilfully sung emotionally tinged alternative rock/post-punk anthem that I enjoy hearing from the genre, supplememted well with a melodic solo and wrapped up well with the song's empathetic chorus.

The song "Black Sunday" plunges the album into darker waters, but quickly adjusts to the colder temperatures with the band's more familiar, tempered approach to this kind of heaviness. The grand, heavenly sung outro ends the song on an unexpected, but definitely appreciated, cathartic note. The subsequent "Queen of the Dark" rides a floor tom beat through a growing atmosphere of uneasy guitar echoes and distortion. "True Ugly" leans again toward the band's post-punk tendencies, with an emphasis on the punk with the driving snare beat keeping the song adrenalized. Not that the band don't dip into their diva-ish melodies at some points to break it up, though they don't necessarily dip into their best reserve of those melodies. I found the repetitive bridge to be a little unconstructive, but luckily it doesn't stick around too long before the song "Love Protocol" relieves it of its duty with another soaring chorus that would get even the most lovesick emo to lift their chin a little.

Moving on to "The Pavilion (A Long Way Back)", the band again crank out another infectious, soulful alt rock chorus that takes me back to the best days of that style in a rush of lighter-waving melodies. The electro-tinged "Night-Time Walkers" is a bit more dragged out and less passionate than the long string of heartstring-pulling cuts before it does end on a more emotive note, and the following introductory piano of the emo metal cut "The Gutter" kickstarts the album's teeming guitar-cruch-driven and gang-screamed declaration of confidence, reinforced by the angelic soloing surrounding the "maybe over my dead body" refrain.

The song "All on Fire" is one of the milder new-proggy alt metal cuts on the album, but not so low of a slump it drags the album down too far to disrupt its momentum. No, the song "It Walks Among Us" does a bit more damage with a hollow punk rock attitude and a vocal delivery I just can't dissociate from Chad Kroeger. I'm sure that's not what the band were intending, but the rest of the song is pretty autopilot and doesn't do enough to draw my attention toward something notably positive. The album is picked back up from this one-two punch of staleness by the much more feelsy melody of the alternative emo rock of "Old Flames", which eventually concludes with a unifying repetition of emotive "na na nas".

The album's last song, "Lucky Stars", wraps everything up with the calmest display of sentimental balladry on the album, not the most convincing display of it, with songs like "Always & Never" bringing a lot more raw emotion to this kind of ballad. It's a welcome cool down, though, and one that the band certainly deserves.

This is probably the most consistently metallic I've heard Coheed stick to in a while, but also the most vibrantly emotional and unashamed music surrounding The Armory Wars in a while. The break from the story they took in 2015 must have been just what they needed to recalibrate and put their best foot forward on The Armory Wars, because this is quite possibly one of the band's most consistent and well-constructed albums, if not their best, rivaling the mighty Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: Fear Through the Eyes of Madness. I mean, damn, this album is the stylistic nostalgia trip I didn't know I wanted. Why the fuck in my mid-twenties do I like this so much. Bravo, Coheed, bravo. I thought I'd be reluctant for this and a potential second volume, but you have me looking forward to a follow-up.

[torchholder247-blog]

The following are 're-posts' by Andrist and his professional peers about him revealing his lack of ethics, his hidden agenda of revenge against all doctors, his outright attack of the intellectually disabled and lies.

11/2012: Andrist post, in 3/2012, with the death of his sister Cali, he was 'forced' to look for work (https://bluefoggyday.tumblr.com/post/36164603548/my-2-week-job-at-costco)

Andrist:'During college, I worked 4 years at Fedco Membership Department Store in San Bernardino; 2 years as a cashier and 2 years in the cash/accounting office. I then spent the next 20+ years working in theatrical production. In 2003, I gave it all up to care full-time for my disabled sister. Unfortunately, she passed away in March 2012, and I was forced to look for work for the first time in a decade.'

Contradictions:

1. Andrist's words of being 'forced' portrays a much different picture of how/why he became a patient advocate and notary than he later claims with great vigor portraying himself as Cali's savior. Given his next life move is to sue the doctors and hospital he blamed for Cali's death (d.3/12/2012) while at the same time initiating a fight to remove the MICRA cap, reveals a common thread of a monetary incentive. Tax payers (MDCR/MediCal..noting Andrist claims Cali never worked) likely paid Cali's medical/death debts if not written off by the institutions first, so only Andrist benefited from the award.

2. Andrist claims that in 2003 he gave up 20+ years working in theatrical production to become a full-time caregiver to Cali. A quick online search finds the theatrical production company Andrist co-founded voted Andrist out, accepting his resignation in 1999 in a 5 to 0 vote (https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1999-sep-05-ca-6949-story.html).

3. Andrist's linkedin resume finds him 'unemployed' between 1999 until becoming a caregiver to his sister in 2003. No gainful employment, no volunteer work, nothing suggesting his life partner was perhaps financially supporting him, so Andrist didn't actually 'give up' anything to take care of Cali. Andrist actually personally profited. https://www.linkedin.com/in/eric-andrist-97478821/

On other sites Andrist claims he gave up his "show business career to care full time for 'both' his elderly mother and mentally retarded sister". (Andrist maintains calling Cali 'retarded' is just what she is: "Cali, born mentally retarded. Yes, I come from the generation that didn’t feel the need for politically correct terms like “mentally challenged,” she was always just mentally retarded. She actually didn’t let much of anything “challenge” her, so that term never seemed appropriate. https://calisplea.tumblr.com/) https://www.facebook.com/repmikequigley/posts/hellomy-name-is-eric-andrist-and-i-live-in-valley-village-ca-i-just-read-a-lette/10150969620415689/

4. Andrist claims he 'took in his elderly mother and disabled sister in 2003' (https://www.linkedin.com/in/eric-andrist-97478821/ & https://bluefoggyday.tumblr.com/post/109493866919/dog-god) A review of online records projects a different story. It appears Andrist's mom, Evelyn, sold her home 9/23/2002 and then bought into a home previously solely owned by Andrist's boyfriend/partner, adding both her name and her son Eric's within that same deed transaction on 9/25/2002 two days later. So in truth, Evelyn was a co-owner of the home, to be clear she was not a freeloader or charity case as implied. The timing of Andrist being added to the home title by deed suggests that Eveyln gave Andrist an early inheritance and retained a share (her name on the deed) to ensure the care of Cali in the future, with Cali likely inheriting a percentage of ownership in the home at the time of Evelyn's death. Evelyn died unexpectedly during elective surgery months later. If correct, Andrist was 'forced' to provide care for Cali or else buy Cali out and forfeit any State Financial Aid Cali most likely had been receiving. Instead Andrist opted for a quid pro quo agreement where he likely received State funds to care for Cali. Cali's death put an end to that income 'forcing' Andrist, as he stated, to hunt a job after 9 years of being her caregiver. No doubt Cali was satisfied with the arrangement, but there were strings attached, no charity or anything noble as Andrist suggests. Does Andrist's truth depend upon his audience and motive? That clearly appears to be the case when Andrist refuses to remove the innocent doctors from his many negative blogs related to his 'Bad Doctors' websites despite his receiving documents of proof of dismissal of all allegations/charges and removal of the online articles by the original reporters he had re-posted. It appears Andrist is motivated by power over the innocent doctors.

Seems this is where Andrist next landed, becoming a notary:

2013 Andrist's Peer Review of him as a notary/owner of Eric's Pro Services (his notary service in the Greater Los Angeles area):

(entire online exchange at https://www.notaryrotary.com/archive/forum/2013/January/Can_I_notarize_a_document_I_fill_out_.html )

Eric, I've been just an innocent bystander in this thread (in which I've learned a lot) but I gotta say at this point in response to your last post, your are such a whiner, crybaby, complainer, idiot, I can barely believe it. You got a boatload of valuable information from notaries across the country, none of whom needed to take the time, esp at EOM, to answer your ill-framed original question. Many either pointed you in the right direction, opened the topic to more discussion and in the case of Marian, cited you chapter and verse. What more do you need to know? A simple thank you for all their input and insight might have been in order. Nowhere else could you have gotten such informative and helpful responses.

But you want "joy." And to be "safe." Go to a spa. In fact, your hostility and foot-stomping tantrum, makes me think you can't possibly be a real notary but a trouble-making plant. Right?

Reply by Lisa X on 1/25/13 2:44pm

Msg #452202

He is a real notary. I looked him up to make sure he was.

Reply by Eric Andrist on 1/25/13 12:42pm

Msg #452183

While it's true that some of you posted some good info and were perfectly nice, some were not. I just don't understand a person's need to belittle another person in ANY way. I always assume a person asking a question literally knows nothing and try to give the best answer I can without making them feel like an idiot.

The, "am I the only person here who...." and "But you want "joy." And to be "safe." Go to a spa," is not hospitable or kind in my book.

I'd hate to think how they treat their customers.

Reply by GOLDGIRL/CA on 1/25/13 12:48pm

Msg #452185

Don't worry about it, Eric, because none of my "customers" are remotely like you. You are in a class by yourself.

And why is it when somebody's appalling behavior is called out to them, they always respond how sorry they feel for others? Just an observation.

(The Irony here is that Andrist consistently on his facebook site 'Bad Medicine Database' demeans and berates people that challenge his post, often name calling and censoring their post to promote his agenda of bullying the innocent.)

3/28/13: Andrist is being accused of Agent Misconduct for 'notarizing a document(s) he backdated'. Andrist's defense on the blog was that he was asked to, then goes into a tirade against the accusatory website.

http://www.notaryrotary.com/archive/forum/2013/March/badnotary_com_A_new_website_badmouthing_notaries_.html

2014-2015 Andrist posted about his efforts to obtain a financial award due to his sister, Cali's, unfortunate death he claims was due to medical negligence https://bluefoggyday.tumblr.com/post/109493866919/dog-god:

Andrist: Because my sister was disabled, with no spouse or children, California's MICRA law nearly prevented me from any legal action whatsoever. It took me over 8 months to find a lawyer who would take my case. On 3/9/2015 Andrist posted that 'I recently agreed to a confidential "settlement" against both the hospital and the doctor, even though I would have loved to have heard a jury find them both guilty'

(Being indigent, per Andrist, his sister, Cali's, medical/death expenses would have likely been either written off or paid by tax payers through her MDCR or Medical. The settlement award went directly to Andrist to use at his sole discretion. For what? He'd already been receiving monthly State checks for her care)

By 4/26/2015: Andrist tries his hand at writing children's books. Lending insight is the one book titled 'Lunch Money' which Andrist claims is based upon his early life experience of being bullied in school. (https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/538542)

(The significance of this finding is that Andrist well knows the victimization he imposes upon the innocent doctors and intellectually disabled persons)

11/9/2015 Eric Andrist on God and the deaths of his sister and mom (his public fb):

Ironically Andrist in another online blog of 1/29/2015 (https://bluefoggyday.tumblr.com/post/109493866919/dog-god) Andrist: He claims he 'stopped believing in God' as soon as he got 'old enough to think for himself. He goes on to explain how the church he loved disapproved that he'd skipped church to go to Disney for his birthday..and it was then that he decided church/religion was all hypocrisy. (A much different story than Andrist creates ten months later on 11/9/2015 when ramping up his patient advocacy position. Which is the truth?... the earlier story written pre-receiving Cali's death settlement abt. 3/19/2015 or the later written post-receiving Cali's death settlement when fighting MICRA to remove the survivor benefits cap, self-promoting for attention)

On Andrist's public fb:

Barbara X: Eric they are healed, just not in the way you asked. They are out of pain and walk with God. It's not easy to to forgive God, I have been there. You asked for healing for your Family and he answered you in the the way that was best.

Eric Andrist: No, they're not healed, Barbara, they're dead.

You're overlooking a very important bible verse that's mentioned at least 7 times, "Ask and ye SHALL receive." It doesn't say "Ask and I'll think about it."

I have no need to forgive God, he needs to be held responsible for his absence. He has allowed far too many horrible things to occur on this planet...he doesn't deserve forgiveness. Think about it: the Holocaust, 911, floods, ongoing famine, AIDS, and I could go on and on. That doesn't even touch on people's tragedies in their personal lives. I've had three tragic deaths in my immediate family and God was nowhere in sight.

I asked for healing and no suffering. All three of my family members suffered greatly before they died. He could have just as easily taken them in their sleep, but he didn't. You can justify it in your own head that they are "healed," but that's just a justification for you to continue believing that he exists. The bible clearly states that when people die, they are dead until God comes back at the end of time. They are NOT healed. And there's no guarantee that if he comes back, any of us are going to heaven anyway because he allowed us to all be sinners! He set up a catch-22 plan! Create people, introduce sin, and then punish people for being sinners. Jesus DIED and was raised from the dead...why would people be anything but dead if Jesus died?

Yes, my mother would be proud that I'm angry about this. She didn't work so hard her whole life to have it end in needless tragedy.

It makes me angry that people have fallen for this scam called "God," and refuse to look at the evidence that clearly proves he isn't there for us.

(Another revealing rant by Andrist, that he maintains a position that he will decide if he should forgive God, and that God must be held accountable)

May 10, 2019: The Medical Board of California suggested that Andrist was 'out for revenge' against physicians.(p 3)

https://www.mbc.ca.gov/About_Us/Meetings/Materials/1950/brd-AgendaItem4-20190808.pdf

(This claim is cross-verified by Andrist's bullying of doctors later found innocent being left up forever on his Bad Doctor websites creating perceived guilt by association with those doctors that actually were convicted of crimes. Andrist admits that he does little if any fact checking or follow-up on the doctors he posts. Additionally Andrist admits in an online exchange with BadDoctorDatabase-Errors, a website created to help salvage the careers/reputations of the many falsely accused doctors on Andrists' sites, that he can do whatever he wants on his sites (regardless of who it harms or of legal rulings) and that he does not believe in 'Innocent Until Proven Guilty')

May 20, 2019: Andrist failed to get elected to his neighborhood council...then whined about it online citing the election was not ADA compliant, demanding a new election and threatening to file a complaint with the City.

https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php/2016-01-01-13-17-00/los-angeles/17700-valley-village-nc-election-challenged

(Ironically, Andrist repeatedly over the past 9 years, as recently as 6/7/2019 (https://calisplea.tumblr.com/), openly discounts any need to be politically correct when calling his intellectually disabled sister Cali 'mentally retarded' (note: Rosa’s Law, signed by President Barack Obama in October 2010).

https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2017/07/11/2017-14343/rosas-law

Andrist appears hypocritical in his posturing of alleged sensitivity to accommodating the disabled in an election within which he ran given his own admitted refusal to cease offending, demeaning and dehumanizing the intellectually disabled population in his many derogatory references online to his sister, in one article even comparing her to his dog Bandit.(https://bluefoggyday.tumblr.com/post/109493866919/dog-god)

9/7/2019: Andrist obviously ignores the recent outrage to Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Kamala Harris and her response to a rally goer calling President Donald Trump's actions "mentally retarded" at a campaign event.

https://www.politico.com/story/2019/09/07/kamala-harris-mental-health-slur-trump-1484463

[eponymous-rose]

Weird request, but you summarize stuff. I've only caught a few episodes of Critical Role but am curious about Kima and Allura. What's the story there? Don't worry about spoilers, I'm never gonna get caught up on this show anyway, but I am curious!

Oh gosh! Okay. This actually dovetails nicely with some logistical stuff I need to figure out for reasons, so hey, here’s my really long-winded summary (and other folks, please chime in if I get something wrong, there’s a lot of ground to cover here ranging from pre-series to right up where we are now):

So, basically, Allura (human wizard) and Kima (halfling paladin of Bahamut) were part of the same adventuring party, and their exploits culminated in a big ol’ boss battle fifteen years before the start of Critical Role against an ancient red dragon named Thordak. Their party managed to seal Thordak in the Elemental Plane of Fire, but in the process three members of their party were killed (Sirus, Dohla, and Ghenn), leaving only Kima, Allura, and their elementalist friend Drake Thunderbrand standing at the end of it.

In the wake of the battle, the three of them went their separate ways, despite the romantic relationship that had developed between Kima and Allura. Allura accepted an offer to become a member of the Council of Tal’Dorei in the capital city of Emon, but Kima wasn’t exactly keen on a political position and traveled north to the holy city of Vasselheim instead, where she worked with Highbearer Vord, the leader of the Order of Bahamut. Kima mentions in early episodes of the show that she and Allura would still try to meet up every few months for drinks, but their lives were pulling them in different directions. 

Matt’s made it pretty clear that Allura still spent a lot of time thinking about Kima during those years---in his playlist he posted way back in 2015, he says of Allura: “So long as protecting the realm means protecting this one person, then all the toil and challenge is worth it.” Kima also wound up struggling a lot with her faith in the wake of all the evils she’d seen, and frequently butted heads with Highbearer Vord and the more straitlaced folks she worked with.

Fast-forward fifteen years, when Kima starts to get visions of a terrible evil brewing under the dwarven city of Kraghammer and rushes in half-cocked. Allura starts to get worried after several weeks pass with no word and hires a group of adventurers that she’s worked with in the past to go find Kima---the adventurers, of course, are Vox Machina, and this push was the impetus for the first on-stream plot arc of the show.

Vox Machina manage to get Kima out of a bad situation in the Underdark, and then they all wind up embroiled in a conflict against a particularly corrupted beholder named K’Varn, who’s managed to get his hands (eye-tentacles?) on a Horn of Orcus and is sort of chilling with his mind flayer pals as a lowkey champion of the god of undeath, which is not fantastic. VM kill K’Varn, and together with Kima (who’d been turned to stone by a basilisk, thus beginning her longstanding pattern of bad luck on missions involving VM) just barely manage to escape via teleportation circle back to Emon.

After a Weekend-at-Bernie’s-esque pub crawl with Kima still in stone form, the party finally manages to restore her, and they all head over to explain the events to Allura. Allura is delighted to see Kima again, and they have a tearful reunion. Kima does travel with VM back to Vasselheim to seal the Horn of Orcus in the Platinum Sanctuary (a temple of Bahamut), leaving Allura in Emon. VM eventually moves on to the next plot, leaving Kima in Vasselheim.

Once VM finishes dealing with the next major arc of the show, the end result is a tiny floating, spinning ball in a forgotten ziggurat under the human city of Whitestone that also happens to nullify all magic for a wide radius in its vicinity. You know, your standard everyday stuff. Completely out of their depths, they ask Allura to travel to Whitestone and check it out while they return home to Emon, a decision that possibly winds up saving her life.

Allura heads to Whitestone and brings Drake Thunderbrand on board to evaluate the situation with the orb. When some of her arcane connections with cities across Tal’Dorei start to go dark, she heads back to Emon to report in to VM at their Keep just outside the city and figure out what the heck’s going on.

She and Drake arrive to find the party in the middle of a very serious argument, on the verge of an all-out brawl, over a magical skull housing some sort of entity that claims to be able to grant any wish. Why is a wish particularly tempting right now? Oh hey, turns out four ancient chromatic dragons, the Chroma Conclave (excellent 80s band name), just attacked Emon, killed most of the Tal’Dorei Council, made a beeline for and destroyed Allura’s home, and are spreading out to destroy most bastions of civilization across the continents of Tal’Dorei and Wildmount. When VM reveals that the leader of the group was Thordak, the same dragon that Allura and Drake barely survived sealing in the Plane of Fire, Allura is in shock.

Allura and Drake head out to the ruins of the Cobalt Reserve in Westruun to try and find some information that could help them defeat the Conclave. VM eventually make their way to Vasselheim in search of allies, and are startled to discover that the city is unaware of the devastation happening across the ocean. When Kima finds out about the destruction of Emon, she’s frantic and her first thought is to find a way to get to Allura. VM manage to assure her that Allura is as safe as anyone can be right now, and Kima joins them on their disastrous journey to the sunken tomb, where they face another beholder and Kima is nearly killed by a long fall in the battle. In the aftermath, she makes her way with the party back to Whitestone, and finds out for the first time that the leader of the Conclave is indeed Thordak---the news puts her into an uncharacteristic state of panic.

While VM travels around in search of ancient weapons to help defeat the Conclave, Allura eventually turns up in Whitestone, which has become the unofficial seat of a new war council. By the time VM shows up again, having killed one member of the Conclave, Kima and Allura are both there to greet them. At this point, the two of them have moved into a house in Whitestone together (there’s a cute moment where Vex knocks on Allura’s door early in the morning and Kima answers it in a too-big nightshirt) and are helping to coordinate studies of the orb under Whitestone as well as the defense of the city itself, once it becomes clear that forces are amassing there. Kima takes out a would-be assassin who comes after them in their home (part of an elaborate rakshasa revenge plot; Gilmore pulps his assassin, it’s a whole thing).

Kima winds up accompanying VM on their mission to Draconia to kill Vorugal, a member of the Conclave, and discovers before leaving that another member of the Conclave, Raishan, has been (in disguise) in Whitestone for some time, that she knows all of their secrets and could wipe out the last form of resistance in an instant, and that the party has worked out a very shaky secret deal with her, since it turns out they all want to kill Thordak. Despite Scanlan’s attempts to modify her memory to make her forget this revelation, Kima knows about the infiltration, and agrees to move forward with the plan regardless. The party manages to kill Vorugal and return back to Whitestone, at which point Raishan’s identity is revealed, for better or worse, to the entire war council.

Kima and Allura go to Fort Daxio to help coordinate troops for a final push against Thordak, who has settled down over the city of Emon and is slowly shaping the land into some sort of super-evil volcano. As you do. At Fort Daxio, Gatekeeper Xanthas, a former ally from Emon, reveals himself to have switched allegiances to work with Thordak, and manages to cast a Feeblemind spell on Allura. VM shows up in time to take Xanthas out and reverse the effects of the spell, at which point an extremely shaken Kima and Allura have their first “on-screen” kiss.

After Thordak is defeated, and Raishan escapes an attack from VM in the immediate aftermath of the battle, Kima and Allura accompany VM to Raishan’s hideout on the Island of Viscan, which once served as the home base of long-dead necromancer Opash. After some shenanigans with gravity-reversal and a whole lot of undead bodies, the party battles Raishan, with both Allura and Kima coming very close to death in the fight. In the aftermath, the party tries to escape the island with their dead and wounded... and discovers when their first spell fails that this island has some defenses in place against transportation magic.

Allura eventually manages to put down a teleportation circle and step through, but Kima hangs back a second, telling VM that something looks off about the circle. Before anyone can decide what to do, Kima resolutely steps through after Allura, and they both vanish. Keyleth manages to scry on them and discovers that they’ve landed in open ocean somewhere, which is bad news if you happen to be in full plate armor, like Kima. Through a complete fluke of a dice-roll (natural 20 on a perception check), Keyleth manages to spot them from the beach---swimming in the wrong direction and already exhausted---and Vex shoots out after them on her broom. 

She grabs Allura, Allura grabs Kima, and bookish-wizard Allura, zero-strength-modifier Allura manages to roll a natural 20 on her strength check to hang on to Kima until they get to safety.

In the aftermath, Allura and Kima are helping to put things back in order in Emon, ensuring together that more shadowy organizations like the Clasp don’t make too much of a bid for power in the chaos. When VM heads out on their next adventure, Kima makes sure to tell them that if they see Highbearer Vord, they should just pretend they haven’t seen her; she’s staying with Allura.