#i've been doing a lot of thinking lately ok | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eri-pl · 2 days ago

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Lots of super interesting thoughts!!! I'll probably keep rotating them in my head for some time.BTW sorry for replying to you like in an old-school email, but it's the most convenient here.

There seems to be some in-world mythological confusion about what "the end of the world" even means, similarly how "the Void" can be either the interstellar void or the void outside of Existence

Oh, yes. The void is also confusing. And think this is not wholly unrelated. Limits of time; limits of space. [Reminds me of how @eloquentsisyphianturmoil said that the Door of Night is related to the Halls of Mandos, those two discussions have the same vibe for me — oh wait, they are related!

Because if end of Ea = Morgoth jumps in = it destroys the Halls somehow (I still don't quite like it but not for factual reasons)… OK, are the Halls of Mandos Arda-specific? This feels like a moot question, because only on Arda there are Men and Elves— or are we certain about it?

There's a whole bag of worms here.

We know that Elves are bound to Arda for as long as it lasts, but the Ainur are instead bound to Ëa.

Yes, but it's a scale issue. There is still the question of what do they do when Ea ends. But yes, you are right that this may be read as separate question from the Second Music.

Also, Athrabeth is late writings, adjacent to the round-Arda-from-the-start and generally, more scientific vibe, so I guess here we're talking a bit more like "the sun dies out" end of Arda... maybe.

Also also, I need to check what are the Valar bound to, I think it may have been "various Ainur for various planets, bound to them".

OK, my Silm says "World", so… I'm not sure. BoLT is even more vague. Also I only now realized that the part where I've drawn a smiley face on my Silm and on my BoLT are probably evolutions of the same point in text. :) <3 [yes I do underline and comment on some books. In pencil! Or eraseable ballpoint pen. I did it with non-eraseable pen when I was a kid, and staying in the thematic area of this post, iirc my copy of CSL's "the last battle" had a certain sentence or couple of them underlined back in the time when I thought they were cool and not "you should have taken some lessons from John and learn what to omit"… I'm not even sure what is my opinion now tbh. anyway back to the post.]

The First Music created the whole universe, but apparently the Second Music is not played after the end of that universe, only the end of Arda

This may be a version incompatibility issue, and I think it is, because myy intuition for what Tolkien wanted says "Second Music after/at the end of Ea".

Though just like with some other ideas, I could probably make it work, as long as we throw away the "Arda is our mythic prehistory" I think I could roll with this… But not n any particularly canon way… Hmm. Needs more thought. You people keep saying very interesting things recently! <3 (Even more interesting than usual)

Which makes me think that the Second Music is not a separate thing (as in, another work of art), but an extension of the First.

I've always assumed it's more like a reprise than an unrelated work.

neither is it limited to the Timeless Halls (which would exclude not only the Elves

I think this is based on an assumption that the Silmarillion does not confirm or deny.

I generally treat the term "Music" as quite abstract, the closes thing to what actually happened that the Incarnates could comprehend. I imagine the Second Music for people living in Time to be just that - living. The whole life makes the Music.

Oh, I love the last sentence!

Not necessarily the whole construct of Arda ends → Second Music → Ea ends much later. On the other hand, I have no idea on what version Tolkien settled or would settle, and I can see where this would be coming from, also, funnily—

OK, a short summary of a large interpretational idea, which can probably be detalized in many various ways— Arda as our mythical past, but as in "our actual world [is/is made of/whatever] the Second Music".

Or, you know, like in an album (I'm not thinking about Les Mis, you're thinking about Les Mis) where you have song1, song2,… many songs and then a reprise that is like a medley of all those and, like, closes all of them.

I didn't have enough sleep, so excuse me if that's too chaotic to read. Also I'm bad at thinking about Silm canon without making a lot of assumptions. I hope other people, who are better at it, will add their thoughts about what you wrote too.

Hmm sometime later I should look at all the replies I got on this (I love them) and write a summary of our thoughts. This would be nice to have.

Let's discuss:

What do you think: what happens to the Valar after Arda breaks (or whatever it does, anyway it ends somehow)?

(Or should I say "what will happen"? But for fictional end-of-the-world present tense feels more natural to me. I'm not sure why.)

Both in the terms of "what Tolkien intended at various points of his career" and of "what makes the most sense with the Legendarium". With whatever version.

Let's ignore Morgoth (and Sauron etc), assume they've been dealt with in some way that works (if you prefer this including "Sauron is good now", ok, why not) and that no other Ainur got depressed because of it.

Whatever happened, we're discussing just the good guys now. Because it is a mess anyway so let's try to narrow it down for now. It's still a very difficult question, I think.

So, the Second Music. Where is it sung and is it material? (well as much as music is material anyway, but I think you know what I mean)

On one hand, the Music of the Ainur was clearly not material (because matter did not exist), and its being a music feels somewhat like an approximation. And took place (it's not a place but whatever) in the Timeless Halls.

On the other hand, Men are said to sing in the Second Music (and maybe the Elves too, unclear), so… will it be material? Or does this mean "the spirits of Men"? Will it be more of a literal music than the first one, or not? Where will it be sung?

(If we simply copy and paste a solution from outside the Legendarium, it still leaves a lot of questions, depending on how much do we copy)

(Also, Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth is not an answer. It is a question (and no, I don't mean a "the answer is yes" question (though this too), but an open question. It's a discussion of two characters, not anyt sort of explanations, and it leaves more questions than it answers. but if you want to elaborate starting from this text, you're welcome.)

But yes, even with those disclaimers, "the Second Music immaterial; spirits; it reboots Arda into Arda Healed" seems like the most fitting solution. Especially if we ignore the whole "and then Feanor reboots the Trees" thing which… for me the important part of that is "Fefe gets over his issues", and that we can keep.

And generally, what do the Valar do afterwards?

On one hand, in Ainulindale chapter (or was it in Valaquenta? nvm) it seems like their being on Arda is temporary. On the other, with Arda Healed… It's still Arda, in a way.

So do the Valar still govern it (I need to remind myself that Manwë having a burnout is not canon), or… what? Do they live there, or in the Timeless Halls, or are they free to move between those (and somehow the Elves and Men don't get jealous about it).

And if the answer is "the Timeless Halls effectively get moved to Arda" – ok, this solves some questions, but why? why. All the other Ainur were not interested in material existence. Why would this be a thing? It seems quite out-of-the-blue and random.

I'd love to see your thoughts (plural "you", though I'm sure some will have more intense thoughts than others :) )

#silmarillion #Tolkien meta #athrabeth finrod ah andreth #the silm #the silmarillion #silm #Tolkien legendarium

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randomthionksithought · 1 year ago

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I keep pushing everyone away to build my walls and then question why they're all gone and I can't see people trying to get to know me

#i've been doing a lot of thinking lately ok #I have to leave my friends #probably don't have to but #If you're looking at the tags i have no doubt you are either bored or want an explanation on what is going on #ur not getting one #my walls are the highest and lowest things ever #like huh #they're always higher when im high #maybe thats why i've been doing thinking #bc im high not bc my walls are high #huh #I'm such a genius sometimes lol #and then the rest of the time I'm a fucking trainwreck #where am i going with this #if you made it this far say chocolate #if lots of people say chocolate to me im gonna start questioning why y'all read this far in my tags #im not that interesting #just bored #and high

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prismatiger · 6 months ago

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Homunculus

#codacheetah #my art #pokemon #pkmn #vulpix #fennekin #ok so #idk preface i'm not a modern pokemon design hater this is not hater art #but i do think. the style shift progression of pokemon has been fascinating to watch.#a lot of early pokemon particularly the first mmmmm two generations were relatively sensible proportionally #a lot of pokemon that feel like animals but to the left.#and as time has worn on pokemon i think have kind of shifted away from 'balanced' design towards 'cartoon' design #like fennekin. ridiculously huge head with big huge eyes and dramatic fur tufts and tiny little neck and body #compare to vulpix which is also a ridiculous chibi animal mind you. but its proportions are more grounded in reality #head that's only Mildly too big for its body and smaller eyes and visible paws (vs. fennekin's stumps)#i've always felt like fennekin and vulpix is like the kind of microcosm of pokemon designs shifting to be sleeker and more exagerrated #where it's so apparent since they have the same basic design idea #hell you can kind of see it with alolan vulpix. slimmer neck smaller body bigger eyes #this post is kind of meaningless i've just been thinking abt it lately #pokemon no longer has a consistent artstyle. there are many galarian and paldean pokemon that i dont think ever would have made it in rby #and many early gen pokemon look visibly different to the new because they are more simplistic and understated #this is not a bad thing it is just a Thing. it's the natural growth of a franchise where they have to reach further with ideas and designs #with each generation. because there's 1000 of these fuckers. we are long past Basic Fox and Basic Bird and Basic Bug #every pokemon has to be uniquely charismatic and recognizable when they have so much competition #anyways all this to say i think vulpix and fennekin look ridiculous standing next to each other but in a vacuum? both designs are nice

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silusvesuius · 7 months ago

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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑

#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text #i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately #actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at #especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw #and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu #i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚 #but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress #not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself #i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on #and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now #especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work #worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it #fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense #but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill #not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person #who am i competing with? Myself #i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode #which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists #i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist #like me .......(?)

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californiaquail · 19 days ago

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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before

#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up #sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation #even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been #some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss #but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time #over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either #i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane #i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after #i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at #it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same #silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time #it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen #of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately #this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country #again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want #things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao #i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot #everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me #and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d #anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that #to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm #recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca #also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before #anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun #and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have #i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired #and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that #i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip #whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn #(<- guy who should be in therapy)

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ave-immaculata · 6 months ago

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sincere question: how do you guys think Catholic women ought to interact with men who aren't their husband/family? how is it the same as or different than women?

#like ok random man doesn't have authority over random woman #however men and women are different #and like presumably Catholic women should not be engaing w men identically to non-Catholic women #and that extends beyond just relationships/sex stuff #idk I've been thinking about it a lot lately #also Christian moots please feel free to reblog and just switch Catholic to Christian #idk why I'm being overly specific #the Catechism says men and women were made together and for each other #I have to imagine that extends to being a somewhat general statement #in terms of complementarity #how do the components of the feminine genius (receptivity generosity sensitivity and maternity) extend in these situations?#St. John Chrysostom and St. Paul are haunting meee

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averlym · 1 year ago

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,,, little lemmings in line...

#adamandi #needed this. idk. shameless fluff. i. sjdhdjfhfhfhfhf viewing this doodle just makes me happy ok #something silly. i feel like lately i've been a lot more earnest on this blog and it's nice!!#the imagery that the lyrics evoke.... goes so hard actually. consider this maybe an outtake of the last 'where can i run' thingy #yes i get the whole lemmings off a cliff thing but also i think taking it at face value would be cute therefore this #since basically they refer to the rest of the students as lemmings.. he's human in this one i guess.#quincent thoughts. many many. but also i have been maybe avoiding engaging with quincy on a more intense level? until i am in a better #mental state to do so. because the whole academic perfection and self harm is a Thing i would like to engage with Properly without spirals #yay on me for being healthy about media! not normal and never normal. but healthy is good i guess #... hm. family is being iffy lately because you're supposed to have good acads And not stressed but i refuse to feel guilty anymore.#after this period i'll go bonkers over him and in the meantime unfortunately they won't feature as much in the content.. :<#anyways. fun fact about lemmings is that it's not necessarily a derogatory blindly leaping to deaths thing when it comes to the actual ones #like that's the phrasing and connotation right. but apparently it's more of they leap off cliff into water below or smth to migrate and onl #the rare few die (skill issue??um) and apparently the whole association was propagated by some documentary wildlife drama thing that kind o #.... hastened the chasing of the poor things off the cliff and filmed it. a bit messed up. and like i guess what a nice metaphor for the #academic context here? or a different one at least. where only a few die so they keep doing it but also for the Average lemming following #following the system is not inherently bad.. maybe i'm projecting.#anyways peep the tiny character shorthands now.. ambrose has the jacket/ bea has the hat and gloves with strings: portia has the bow on hea #quincy has the bowtie and glasses /(beatrix also has glasses. i forgot about those until i was drawing quincy's.)#'avvy why are they standing up' you ask? because four legs looked weird with ambrose's jacket. 'why did you give lemmings glasses?' ummmmm #i guess recognisability? don't look too much into it #outtakes of this include vincent standing in a circle of lemmings. it's badly drawn and frankly hilarious because they're all tiny and #below the knee.#'avvy these don't look like realistic lemmings' you are very right. i am sorry. i looked for a crowd of lemmings on google images and all i #found were political cartoons... i Can draw animals technically i swear #anyways! emotional support adamandi doodle out. going to start work now!#oh i forgot to tag the characters... hm... i guess i'll leave out the lemmings..#?#vincent aurelius lin #.

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milkyberryjsk · 7 months ago

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i graduated ^__^

#it was so hectic last week omfg #and i still have papers to sort out from my old school #i already got my college applications sorted out #sorry for another needless milkyberryjsk life update #uhmm lately I've been either studying science or playing overwatch #guess who i picked up #that i.. now have about 30+ hrs on #(impossible guess)#yeah it's venture HAHAHAH #what do you think their favorite geological/paleo time period would be ??#theyd probably like the cambrian period Lol lots of interesting goobers there #for mesozoic i think theyd like the cretaceous period #Ok that got off track REALLY quickly #anyways #oh i'm almost done with bloodborne:) i just need to fight the rest of the optional bosses i have left before i continue w mergos wet nurse #i havee #amygala celestial emisarry and ebrietas left #I'll go with the slug ending .. i wanna fight all the bosses in my first run..!#i haven't been drawing that much.. mainly writing notes #but if i have it's mainly venture Lol #I'll think ab uploading those #not havinf posted art in a while makes me a bit anxious to do it again #a.talks

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leapinarmadillo · 4 days ago

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my review of Moonwalk: hot mess. ★★★.

#i will refer to it #but oh god... it's just #1st of all. the added afterword from 2009 should have been a FOREWORD bc it gives you the context for how this book was made #so they did have a real writer put it together based on long transcripts of interviews one of the publishing people did with mj #if those tapes exist or pieces of then exist i need to find them. i think i've seen some floating around #bc ... the way it's written sounds very michael. it's not well written. so i'm surprised they even had an actual writer do it #but that makes me think maybe the writer just pulled a lot of exact wording from the tapes?#i hope that's how it happened #like the publishing lady said i Also wish michael had been devoted to this project. this could've been really good #i'm interested in anything that comes straight from michael so ultimately i'm just grateful he did a book at all #and really WAS involved in it #but it just. it's a mess. it's disorganized. it's disjointed #it just does not deliver in so many ways #there were so many times i would read a couple paragraphs and be like. wait What. that went Nowhere #there are really wonderful parts of course too #first of all i'm happy to hear him talk about parts of his life he didn't necessarily talk about that much #i find everything he says about motown and esp the mid-late j5 motown years Supremely interesting #everything written about music and dancing and performing is great. seeing the way he thinks about those things. divine. enlightening.#the thing is. the tone is extremely defensive and passive aggressive throughout the whole book #which is amusing and i mostly like it. michael jackson was one petty and spiteful mf. he loved being right and he reiterates that a lot #but bc of the press treatment of more personal things like his appearance and relationships. those parts are just. eugh #like when it comes to music/dance/performance he can defend himself no problem. concrete evidence that he's fucking awesome and he knew it #he brings up dating and stuff and it feels like he was like. floundering. maybe he just couldn't decide how much to share?#idk it just feels like. he won't outright SAY some things but he'll sort of hint at things. and i can't tell if what he's hinting at #is the real truth or him being defensive and wanting to give the impression that he was 'normal' so people would just leave him alone #i can't tell. i really can't. i wanna just believe him but i'm like. wtf do you mean. and then there'll be inconsistencies #like WHAT R U TRYING TO SAY. you might as well just tell me what you WANT me to think and what you want people to stop bothering you about #ok anyways #it definitely feels like they rushed to get it out asap #i have like 10 questions for every page. i feel like a writer/editor should've been working with him in that way

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crescentfool · 1 year ago

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beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙

#lizzy speaks #the human brain works in such profound ways i think #lately i've been thinking about that post that was like 'you will always be your oldest friend take care of yourself'#it's definitely a sentiment i agree with and i appreciate how it emphasizes the importance of extending compassion to yourself #you wouldn't say such hurtful things to your friends right? (or at least i'd hope so)#so why would you say it to yourself?#you are your own friend too. and i think everyone has a beautiful soul within themselves. nurture it! water it! feed it good thoughts.#basically i wish everyone a 'i hope that your brain is not your own enemy but rather a friend that you can find comfort in'#things will work themselves out with time. there's beauty in life and you will find small delights to cherish!! i am manifesting it for u!!#and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental #i truly think that with time you will be able to rewire your brain to be kinder to yourself. i'm proud of you for taking any first steps :)#there are times in which it feels counterintuitive to go against habits that feel hard-wired... but brains are very malleable littel guys-#with such a wonderful capacity for changing and learning new things. so i hope everyone can learn to be their own best friend!#not to undermine the importance of a support network ofc. that's good too and im all for that!! but i hope everyone remembers to be kind-#not only to others but also to themselves!! you're going to do great out there!! i love you all!!#ive just been thinking about this a lot... i needed to get it out there. you all shine so brightly!!! we shall be fine!!! have a good week!#sorry if this is out of nowhere but if there's anything about me you should know it's that i'm the 'hey dont cry 8 billion people on earth-#ok?' post. idk i just find great joy in knowing others are out there thriving and finding a daily delight yknow i love humanity!!

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medicinemane · 3 months ago

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Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy

You have... very very very very very very very very smart people you know, and they're say something that not only isn't true, but literally is as opposite of the truth as it's possible to be... and you'll... gently inform them "hey, it's actually a bit more like this" and then they just kinda... go on saying literally the exact same thing

I'm not sure if it's just that... I often feel like I must be very bad at communicating, or people must just not notice/ignore a lot of what I say, but... I don't know

Like dearest friend, you've said something as absurd as... I don't know, it's hard to say without saying it, but honest to god about as absurd as saying the United States was a part of the USSR, that level of completely getting it backwards

...and it just doesn't seem to matter when I try to explain it... I legit don't even know if you read what I said

Really end up feeling like I'm going nuts sometimes

#to be clear; I don't mind people disagreeing with me (though that's not what's happened here... I don't think I came into it at all)#but all I need in order to be able to work with disagreement is just... knowing you at least heard and understood me #like if it's 'I get that you think that vanilla is a good flavor of icecream; but I really prefer chocolate'... ok; this works for me #it's that... a lot of the time it honest feels more like 'what are you talking about? vanilla isn't a flavor' where... huh?#let's take a real example; not everyone needs to agree with me on nuclear #but like... someone saying 'I get that it's way safer these days; but I still worry about waste storage'... well ok then #but if it's just like 'but it's dangerous and will explode' even after I've explained about the designs now #where there's a salt plug that with melt and drain before anything can happen; and these materials don't like to run away #...and it's not like they're asking me to back up the source; it's like I never said anything at all...#what am I supposed to do here? you feel me on that? do you start to get why I feel like I'm going crazy when that's how it often feels?#no one is obliged to agree with me but... literally just active listening would fix this... say you heard me and we're good #acknowledge that I voiced something and it's been noted #honestly... honestly my who life it's felt like I must somehow actually be invisible #...to an extent maybe I'm a figment of my own imagination; I might well be a ghost that's lonely and makes you all up #...for all the impact my actions have #or maybe literally everything I say just comes out garbled... is that it?#this post is about something very specific; but it's also about something that happens a lot with a lot of different people #on a broader scale; why is it no one else seems to be able to connect the dots #and these aren't like... conspiracy theory dots; these are like russia buys drones from Iran; therefore russia and Iran are partners #that's the kind of dots I'm talking about connecting; please tell me that's not a conspiracy theory to you... it seems plain to me #I don't know... I really don't... I don't think much I say will ever have any impact anywhere on anyone #...honestly a good 90% of the time people don't even respond to what I say #not like my posts here; I mean direct in dms or whatever; I'll say stuff and it's just silence or a new subject #again; across multiple people; it's common... it's... I think it happens more often than it doesn't #I can instantly name 4 conversations with 4 different people that's happened with lately #and that's not counting the 3 where I know the reason why it's happened #I really am something unfit to live; the evidence is endless #mm tag so i can find things later

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bisexualmaedhros · 6 months ago

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transfem furries hornyposting online about the relatively niche/"out there" things they're into have inadvertently helped me accept myself more than the body positivity movement of the 2010s ever did

#this will not be rebloggable because i don't want people to get transmisogynistic in the notes #it's just something i've been thinking about lately #i hope i'm not like out of line for saying this please let me know if i say anything disrespectful #i just have a lot of love in my heart for transfems; especially those who log on to this website to be gay on my dash and do their thing #trans wlw being proud of their identities helped me come to terms with my own in a way. idk how to properly explain it but #idk. our experiences are very different - you have to fight to be seen as a woman and i have to fight not to #(though that is part of my identity in most cases people would use it to negate the rest)#(and of course none of us should Have to fight that but. i hope it's clear what i mean lol)#and idk like. womanhood is not achieved painlessly for you and yet so many of you embrace it so beautifully and in so many ways #it makes me want to accept that part of myself i thought i had to kill for so long #i am not entirely a woman but i love being a woman and loving other women-#platonically romantically sexually it doesn't matter #i'm so grateful i get to share a community with you all and read/hear/watch your thoughts and experiences and such #which goes beyond sex stuff but sex stuff is a particular personal struggle of mine and it's something i've been trying to cultivate a more #healthy relationship to lately. and i also know that unfortunately transfems get treated even worse than everyone else when it comes to #kinks or whatever. i don't mean to imply that everyone has to be open about that stuff. i just mean that i'm grateful for those who bravely #and proudly are. anyway i'm losing my train of thought bc i'm packing for a trip and i'm a little scattered atm but the point is #transfem wlw i love you dearly thank you for existing #[oh also this post isn't meant to bash body positivity stuff and i know it's not all the same. it just often felt too sanitized and forced #for me to relate to. ok bye]#finielspeaks

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coffeebanana · 2 years ago

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I love rewriting. I love it love it love it (even though i sometimes avoid it) because nothing's more satisfying than turning something that's just not quite right, something that just doesn't quite work for you, into something you LOVE

#kayla rambles #writing thingsss #the intro to the fic i'm currently working on has been bugging me for like 2 weeks and today something finally CLICKED #i realized i had too much narrative distance so i changed my approach #and it's so different now but it's great i love it and i love this feeling kajbfksjbfd #this is why first drafts don't do it for me LOL (even though this is sort of a first draft since i haven't finished the rest of the fic yet #sometimes i need to edit just the beginning of something before i can move on to write the rest #because even though i know first drafts don't have to be perfect i also need to be comfy with the beginning because it SETS THE TONE #i think it's about the vibes LOL #lately beginnings are the parts of fics i spend the most time on. and i'm ok with that!#i have a channel on my personal discord server where i keep before and after examples #of parts i've changed a lot between the original attempt and the final product #and it's just so satisfying to see!

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diomedrian · 2 years ago

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It's only period thinking, he's only busy. He's leaving me on seen, it's only period thinking. If he were to leave or lose interest, he'd tell you. Trust him enough to at least say things before ending anything. If he hasn't said anything, he's not thinking about anything either. You don't buy four hard covers for someone just to leave them two days later. You don't buy four hard covers for someone you're planning on leaving. Please be nicer to him. Please be nicer to yourself.

#personal #logically. i Know but im scared a lot lately and um i on periods apparently #i hate the stage of romance where im attached and scared of losing someone. its ok he can leave I'll get over it at some point but does #he really have to. is there rly anything that we cannot work out?#ngl doing my v best not to sabotage this. someone be proud. i think I've been so good w this one. it's not been easy. its not easy #but he makes it wonderful.#cb

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webonchin · 1 year ago

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I'm still alive, it's just that my mind has been quite hyperactive lately and it's hard to concentrate on one thing at a time aaaa

I'm fine just a lot of stimulation

#brain doing the funny jumping thing #can't wait for more sandman content can't wait cant wait #!!!!#also deadpool content please!!!!#and i've also been thinking about dorohedoro a lot lately oh god ...#also moon knight what the heeeelll #beautiful men naked on my mind #ok that's it.#txt #me talks

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automatonknight · 2 years ago

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art posted whatever. time to fucking. sew!!!!!!!!!!!

#i've made myself some new patches in the meantime (two loosely based on splat/on aaand one for the mojave express as i mentioned)#also i probably wont be posting more photos of my vest i got erm. scared sorries #i wanna do something star t/ek related too i've been watching a lot of it lately. at least more than i. used to eurm #i'll probably go with the little. pin they got? although i might just do a pin from clay or something. i have golden paint and shit so #i could even make it. 'realistic' to the show. whatever #mmmm what else #i've been having some troubles with the placement though? well whatever. it doesn't have to be perfect :] i'm having lots of fun that's #what matters! and the vest is really cool like. gender wise! i think i look awesome ^__^#the mojave express one turned out so great btw!! i love it so much. but i have to place it on the back unfortunately :((((#<i would sew it on one of the sleeves but i cut them off. oopsies!#whatever!!!! again. it's a fun project #oooh and thinking abt it i'd really want to do something dont st/rve related maybe! it really grew on me i don't think there's a single week #when i don't think about this game. maybe i'll do a spider?? <guy literaly named webber #OH MY GOD AND COMPUTERS AND ROBOTS AND MACHINES...i have to do something with that....#technically i DO have an aso inspired patch but i want something less subtle.....something that will make it clear i am NOT NORMAL!!!#about machines and automatons and computers and such!#ok well. that's a big wall of text. BOO!!!!

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