#i've been beyond terrible in completing things for a long time now so here's a hearty AT LAST this microsnippet is actually done

[thedevillionaire]

and there will your heart be also

She’s been away five days and will be away two more.

He sneezes again, curses under his breath about it and gazes out the window for an uncertain time. It’s raining still, and bitterly cold. The flowers she’d left on the sill are starting to fade. Wintry sleet falls steadily, constantly, and he has a thousand things he’s supposed to do and he’s not doing a damn one of them, his focus both scattered and singular as he claims a tissue from the box by the flowers.

He wipes his nose firmly and recalls her placing the bouquet just so, fresh and vibrant, smiling at him so pleased with her arrangement of it all, her arms around him in soft devoted embrace. The ghost of her touch caresses him in memory; the image brings a suffusing warmth, and he loses himself to its comforting spectre.

For a moment, at least.

He sniffles, chilled despite the hearthfire’s radiant heat, and an ominous shiver runs through him. A catch in his throat follows, barbed and wicked. He frowns at it, shakes his head in an irritated, unspoken refutation of what it might imply. Any further acknowledgement of coming down with something is pushed as firmly from his thoughts as he can; he can’t be sick. It’s not going to…

Hh-HH…

It’s not… *snf!* Not going to happen. He won’t allow it. He won’t… *SNF!* It’s not…

His breath sharpcatches and all thoughts crumble capitulated to urgent, desperate sensation.

“HHTSSCH-uu! Hh-TSSSCH-uu! Ah, gods.” With a wetly insistent series of sniffles, he takes yet another tissue and, after a moment of consideration, another for good measure. Another.

He sighs.

And he misses her, and he misses her.

---

[barrenclan]

sorry if this is spoilers bc we might learn more later. I'm super confused with Rainhaze's thought process. When he was saying its pointless. like. I get not wanting to go back bc he killed his mom. but what did that have to do with Asphodelpaw? Couldnt he just walk away? Did he see her and decide he wanted to be part of Defiance? And this was the tipping point to prove it? I'm super confused. Was it because if she left she'd tell someone? I assume we'll get a better explanation later?

Absolutely! I've actually been waiting for a chance to really dig into this. Like Rainhaze himself, his issue is written with a lot of confusion and uncertainty, and it's not very straight-forwardly, so I understand why his motivations are easy to miss. So here it is!

Firstly; Rainhaze as he existed in BarrenClan and Rainhaze as he is now are two very, very different beasts. Obviously he's still the same person, but he's gone through a mountain of trauma, violence, and was forced to confront the fact that if pressed, he would kill a family member - even his own mother. Sure, in the moment he was threatened into doing it, but it opens the possibility that he'd even do that. Maybe he would've done anything to protect his family then, but it's been a long time.

Then, over many months, he's subjected to propaganda, murder, and terrible treatment. His mental state from where he was when he killed Dustfeather is massively changed. He's depressed, listless, and much more willing to kill. Not only that, but Defiance propaganda has worked on him.

(Issue 24)

With so much constant killing in his life, and being constantly vulnerable, he begins to see death as a good thing. Something that ends suffering, something that doesn't really matter in the end.

(Issue 28)

So now we're at Issue 31. Rainhaze is in a "doldrum", like Ranger says (a period of inactivity or lethargy). He's so torn between his new life and new beliefs, and his old regrets and old connections to BarrenClan, that he's basically attempting to end his own life through inactivity. Ranger doesn't want this. Here's his plan:

Ranger knows that BarrenClan lives opposite the forest, across the prairie. He specifically orders Rainhaze to "kill something", planting that idea in his mind. He's hoping that Rainhaze will find one of his Clan members, and make the decision to kill one of them. This would push Rainhaze over into whatever full breakdown Ranger wants, and solidify his ties to Defiance. And that is what happens. So why did Rainhaze make that decision?

We already have the basis of an incredibly traumatized Rainhaze. He views himself as he is now, and who he used to be, as different people. And he belives that's completely beyond redemption.

Yes, all those months ago he promised he was suffering in Defiance for his family and Clan, but it's really hard to hold onto those noble morals when you're being put through hell every day. Rainhaze hasn't even seen his family in months. They don't seem real to him anymore.

Then he is finally confronted by Asphodelpaw, the symbol of everything he's put himself through torture to protect, and all he wants to do is go back to Defiance. And here we go, getting to these lines;

Rainhaze is a coward.

He's separated from Deepdark and Ranger, by at least several days. He could absolutely come home with Asphodelpaw and warn all of BarrenClan - they could evacuate in time, be far away by the time Defiance arrives on their territory. But then he'd have to face his family, face his sister whose mother he violently murdered. Have to stand there and have them look at him and know him and see the scars on his body.

When he says, "this is vile, pointless, irredeemable, monstrous", he understands that killing Asphodelpaw is a disgustingly cruel action. He knows that. He understands that he's choosing Defiance over her, and over them. But that's the choice he feels he needs to make to protect himself. He's not thinking about his family any more.

So he does something so completely vicious and irredeemable that he is forced to choose Defiance. Because there's no way that any BarrenClan cat would forgive him for this. There's no way he would forgive himself for this.

And thus, Rainhaze figures himself out, and burns every other bridge entirely. He makes his choice.

[maverick-werewolf]

Daily Werewolf Thoughts - Days 1-9

I've been writing some daily werewolf thoughts in various places, and now, at last, here's a collection of them for Werewolf Wednesday! I'll be posting collections on my Patreon and Tumblr, since I don't want to spam those every day for such short posts. Here's the first set from days one through nine.

The formatting on these isn't the prettiest, but it'll do! They're not big blog posts, just thoughts for fun and stuff.

Day 1- I'm obligated to open with the undeniable importance of The Wolf Man (1941). Werewolves never had a definitive book that shaped the popular perception of werewolves. The Wolf Man, although a film, is to werewolves what Bram Stoker's Dracula is to vampires. When you think of "a werewolf," it was influenced at least in some way by The Wolf Man.

Influenced by folklore but taking elements from various sources (not just werewolf legends), Curt Siodmak created the werewolf that currently lives in our perceptions as THE werewolf. The Halloween werewolf, the classic horror werewolf... and still the coolest kind of werewolf.

Great film, by the way. You should watch it. It's free on the Internet Archive, so you have no excuse. It's still one of the best werewolf stories ever told. Classic. There's a reason everyone ripped off the formula.

Also, there's a Werewolf Fact for this: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-fact-68-the-importance-of-the-wolf-man-1941/

Day 2- There's great variety in werewolf designs out there, but I've noticed the most classic werewolf look has a body hair pattern and lacks fur on the face. Everything from Halloween masks to films to cutesy plush use this as the most immediately recognizable werewolf look, no doubt inspired by classic wolf-men like Werewolf of London (1935), The Wolf Man (1941), and Curse of the Werewolf (1961).

I went through a phase of being adamant about preferring werewolf completely covered in fur, but I realized that, even when I was a contrarian child and then teenager, my favorites never actually looked like that. Then again, I like an insane variety, to be honest, so I'm not that picky... as long as it looks like both a human and a wolf instead of neither of those things or something completely different.

Day 3- Something many modern werewolves lack, or did for a while (I think the phase is ending, puns intended), was the howl. A wolf howl is a unique and chilling sound that has haunted the psyche of man for time immemorial. It's an obvious element of werewolf horror and werewolves in general.

But sometime in the early 2010s or so, a lot of people decided that howls were "corny" and too expected because that was around the time anything classic/traditional became just terrible and everyone wanted to disassociate werewolves from... wolves. So werewolves started exclusively roaring or, at best, weirdly bellowing instead. This can be found in everything from Underworld (undoubtedly a huge influence on this) to Skyrim* to the MTV Teen Wolf series and many others. I'll never forget a pivotal scene in a late Teen Wolf season where Scott was told to howl and he just... roars. Wtf? Everything did this at the time.

Sidebar: The MTV Teen Wolf series absolutely shocked me when it first released. I watched it fully expecting it to be teen werewolf tripe, but Season 1 really is fantastic werewolf horror. Just do NOT watch any season beyond the first one. Everything past Season 1 is total garbage with only a few cool moments in like one of the season 4's (I forget all the numbers) and is much more what I expected from the series. Note that the linked clip is not from season 1.

*: just another reason why Morrowind: Bloodmoon is superior

Underworld: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-JtvyLvSlo&abchannel=Movieclips

Skyrim: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXwkSA2_02o&ab_channel=Servilius

Teen Wolf: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWjJME4Vl3A&ab_channel=coolghighi

Day 4- Silver. The idea of a "silver bullet" has become all but ubiquitous for something's only weakness, like saying "Achilles' heel." Obviously, this originated with werewolves... and again it actually originated only with The Wolf Man (1941). Silver was never a werewolf weakness in legend.

Curt Siodmak, when dictating to the world what werewolf concepts would be like forever after, created the idea that only silver can slay a werewolf. In legend, werewolves had no particular weaknesses, unlike vampires. They could walk holy ground, holy artifacts had no effect on them, wolfsbane and belladonna did nothing in particular, some were immune to all forms of injury (except in human form) and had to be cured, silver certainly was never mentioned, and some were slain through ordinary means.

It's possible that Siodmak got the idea of silver harming werewolves from "witch-creatures," shapeshifted witches. In some tales, witches were harmed specifically by silver. This had no relation to werewolves whatsoever. Other speculate Siodmak did this because silver is related to the moon in ancient alchemy. Regardless of why he did it, werewolves being slain by silver specifically begins with The Wolf Man in 1941.

I should note that some dispute this, citing the Beast of Gevaudan legend (which in itself I don't even really consider a werewolf legend) and claiming that silver was used to slay it, as told in Henri Pourrat’s Historie fidèle de la bête en Gévaudan. But this book is not from the time period of the Beast of Gevaudan - it's a novel published in 1946, well after The Wolf Man was released and established.

Curt Siodmak is the reason we associate werewolves with "silver bullets" (although it was a silver-headed cane that slew the werewolf in the movie), so you can thank him again for his massive influence on our culture abroad and certainly our now classic conception of the werewolf.

There's also a werewolf fact for this: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-facts/silver/

Day 5- I love etymology. My favorite word is "werewolf." Today, it's common to see people shunning the word "werewolf," thinking it corny, or else they do so in favor of shorthand or other general word butchery or kreatyvity. Before I get into that, I'm going to go over what "werewolf" actually means.

“Werewolf” comes from late Old English, a combination of “were,” meaning “man,” and of course “wolf.” Werewolves have had countless names over the centuries, but this is the one that stuck, after its first use (that we know of, at least) by the English King Cnut, who reigned 1016-1035; he used it in his Ecclesiastical Ordinances XXVI. By the way, please ignore any modern scholars who like to claim now that "werewolf" means "wolfwolf," because that is so preposterous it makes me want to cast myself into the sea with stones on my feet.

Unfortunately, a lot of people like to avoid even using the word "werewolf" as if their success depends on it. They have what is obviously a werewolf in a story, but it's very carefully never referred to as such, because then - in their minds - audiences wouldn't take it seriously. Thus, we end up with things like "lycan," a butchery of "lycanthrope" that takes the "lykos" (meaning wolf) and only the beginning of the "anthropos" (meaning man). You end up with a nothing word that sounds like something green growing on a log. Many people also use only the "were" prefix, which means "man," and thus you have things like "weretouched" (Mantouched? How does it even imply shapeshifting?) to mean a variety of beast-people*. Still others use a word they made up just so they never have to say "werewolf," like "worgen" or "blutbad/blutbaden" or even just "wolfblood/wolfbloods," among others. These may or may not be used in a world that otherwise uses normal terms; if it does use other ordinary monster names, it makes the kreatyv werewolf name all the sillier-sounding.

Anyway, "werewolf" is a great word. More people should use it. A rose by any other name...

*: I won't get into how I feel about "werecreatures" being a bunch of werewolf spinoffs, although I may end up ranting about that sometime this month.

Day 6- Werewolves and the full moon always go together. A werewolf without a full moon just doesn't have quite the same ring to it. This is, you guessed it, yet another thing you can thank Curt Siodmak for - but it actually didn't originate with The Wolf Man (1941), and it also has some basis in legend. Or, at least, I would argue it does.

Firstly, The Wolf Man (1941) actually didn't start the idea of a werewolf transforming at the full moon. In the original film, we have this werewolf rhyme (written by Siodmak)...

"Even a man who is pure at heart

And says his prayers by night

May become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms

And the autumn moon is bright"

Hence, the werewolf turns in autumn when the wolfsbane blooms.

However, in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943), Siodmak changed the rhyme and the timing of the werewolf's transformation...

"Even a man who is pure at heart

And says his prayers by night

May become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms

And the moon is full and bright"

So, now it's every full moon.

I've seen some scholars argue there is no basis in folklore for the full moon werewolf myth, but I dispute that. Sabine Baring-Gould specifically mentions in The Book of Werewolves (you can buy a fully edited, translated, formatted, and footnoted copy of that by yours truly, btw) that many southern regions of France believed werewolf turned on the full moon even well into the 1800s. He mentions that "men transformed into wolves at the full moon. The desire to run comes upon them at night."

Likewise, there's a potential moon connection as far back as Niceros's tale, as retold by Petronius in The Satyricon, though it exists in other and older forms told by other writers. It's an oft-cited werewolf story that mentions "the Moon shone brought as day" when a man turns into a wolf, though there's no obvious description of the moonlight itself being some kind of trigger or necessity for the magic. It did, however, let Niceros witness the transformation and become mentally scarred by it.

That was lengthy. Anyway, I love the full moon and werewolves. I also love werewolves and silver, even if that wasn't in folklore, but Baring-Gould alone does tell me that I think there was indeed basis in folklore for the connection between werewolves and the full moon.

Also, there's a Werewolf Fact for this, if old and not the best written: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-facts/full-moon/

Day 7- What do you think of as the "typical werewolf color?" It might not necessarily be your favorite, but it's the one that stands out in your mind as the werewolf color - although I love them all, so obviously this doesn't apply to me.

I think brown. Sometimes grey.

Throughout my childhood, wolf-man style werewolves were usually brown and the wolf-headed ones were more likely to be grey. There were and are exceptions, of course. But even today, you're still most likely to see brown or grey, including in Halloween decorations, even if there's more variance in designs today (and you're more likely to find wolf-headed ones than you were in the past).

Day 8- One of the weirdest misconceptions I’ve run across in my life of werewolf obsession is this idea that “we need woman werewolves in media, we’ve never had many and they weren’t in the legends.” That couldn’t be less true. There have always been female werewolves in both. It's much safer today to assume the werewolf of a murder mystery will be the woman, as that's the new "twist." I'm much more shocked if it's ever the man anymore (it isn't). Werewolf women have been common even in early film, though the most popular examples begin around the 2000's. In fact, you could easily argue the first werewolf film (though it was about a witch turning into a werewolf) ever recorded in 1913 was about a female werewolf. It's lost to time now, though.

There were plenty of werewolf women in legend, too. I have a werewolf fact for that: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-facts/werewolf-women/ (my personal favorite has always been the 1615 treatise by Jean de Nynauld, for some reason)

There's a lot more to say, but short post today since I have a lot of work to do. See you again tomorrow!

(in the original version of this post, I had 4 images, all of female werewolves from film, including Cursed, Ginger Snaps, The Howling, and Skinwalkers, though I could pull plenty more examples)

Day 9- Something I discuss a lot in The Werewolf: Past and Future is the point when werewolves "went mad," essentially. In pop culture, all the best werewolves are mad/uncontrollable at least for the most part, as inspired by The Wolf Man. It's a much better story and what makes a werewolf a werewolf in modern perceptions (including mine; those are the best werewolves). But it wasn't always the case in the legends.

Sure, there are several legends in previous time periods of mad werewolves (such as Sigmund and Sinfjotli, among others), but you'll remarkably find the majority had full control of the bestial form. This was especially common in older Christian works, such as about werewolf knights, in which being a werewolf was a test of the judgment of others or a test of one's own will. This also wasn't uncommon in ancient Greece and even Rome, such as the Arcadians taking the form of a wolf and returning to human form as long as they didn't devour any human flesh.

It was only in the Renaissance and/or Early Modern Period, with the rise of science and the popularity of slaughtering wolves (real ones), that werewolves became seen as these uncontrollable, evil, insane killers who were "diseased." In the past, being a werewolf was a magic curse. Then, it became a madness and an illness - called "lycanthropy." Some say Christianity caused this, when in actuality, it was secular divisions and the rise of scientific thought, as proven by older Christian werewolf works.

I have several werewolf facts on this subject, and I discuss it a lot in my book, too.

Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1949227022

Post 1: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-facts/curse-not-disease/

Post 2: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-facts/when-werewolves-went-mad/

[sibillascribbles08]

Man I've written 28 fics for rise, that's insane, anyway here's a master post, sort of? I realized some people either A) may not know how many different fics I've written or B) not realized "oh he wrote that" sooo

One Shots

Don't You Care? – Donnie and Leo centric, post-movie. Donnie isn't always great with feelings, and when he fails to understand Leo's, he tries to find a way to fix it. Doing so forces him to unpack some of his own thoughts on their victory over the kraang as well.

To Bridge a Canyon of your Own Design – Splinter centric, post-movie, a bit of a retrospective on his relationship with his sons, his depression, and him trying to move away from his unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I Didn't Vote for You – Leo's the leader now, and Donnie always finds ways to argue with him about it. Leo wants to find out why Donnie has such a problem with how he's trying to lead the team, but it turns out that isn't the problem. It's simply the fact that Leo's the leader at all.

I'd Give Anything – Donnie-centric. A slightly alternate take on the movie's ending where instead of just firing a drill into the portal, Donnie jumped in, and ends up losing an arm in the process. But he has to kind of piece all of that together as he recovers in the med bay, talking to each of his family members.

Grappling With Things Beyond Your Control – Gift fic for my friend Bat! Donnie-centric, post season 2. Suddenly getting ninpo with no prior training causes Donnie's powers to start to run amok, and on top of that he has to help his family not only find a new home but move into one. It's a lot to balance, maybe too much to balance.

Four Turtles in your Corner (Store) – A silly fic about April being out of supplies for her period, and in desperation sends the boys to go get her some. I'm sure four reptilian mutants have competent knowledge on what humans need for things like this.

Now Lie In It – Big Bang fic! Takes place during season 2. Leo won't sleep, and ends up getting on Donnie's nerves. The softshell's solution to the problem is a simple sleep potion, but when he pours too much into Leo's tea his brother won't wake up. Time to force April and Draxum to go find an antidote while he hides his mistake from the rest of his family. (it sounds angsty but it's comedic, actually)

What Will You Leave Behind – Big Bang fic! Doomed timeline, Raph centric. Raph is the first of his siblings to die during the war. And while he does everything he can to be their ever present pillar as they eventually follow after, he can't help but loathe the fact that the ones still down there are suffering and he can't do anything to help.

My Words Died With You – Gift fic for Bat! Doomed timeline, Donnie centric. Donnie quit speaking when Raphael died, months later he still isn't. His family tries to help him cope with this, even Raphael does from the afterlife, but it may not be enough.

VHHB series

(These are all post-movie)

My Roommate the Troubled Time Traveler (One Shot) – Casey and Draxum centric. Casey Jones Jr. isn't coping too great with being in the present, and trying to live in the lair isn't helping. So Mikey has the GREAT idea to convince Draxum to let Casey be his roommate. The alchemist thinks this is a terrible idea, but he might be able to help the kid far more than he realizes.

Violet Hues and Holly Blue (Completed) – Donnie centric. 8 months after the kraang invasion and Donnie's been the reigning champ in the Battle Nexus for a while, in his attempts to improve his mystic abilities. But this draws the attention of a business focused wasp named Holly Blue who offers to help sell his tech designs in the Hidden City. Donnie ends up agreeing, having to keep that secret from his family too, but eventually they're going to find out. (This is only a partial summary haha sorry, fic is heckin long)

Missing Pages – Just some VHHB extras, but hey it features Big Mama being herself, Lou Jitsu maiming some people, Donnie dealing with past blood on his hands and uuuuh Leo and Holly becoming friends (what a mood whiplash)

You Are Loved (Completed)– Two-shot fic about the Caseys (of the Senior and Junior variety). Casey Jr. wants to know why his ninpo sprung up so suddenly, and in his search to find out discovers his family is much closer than he realizes. Meanwhile Cassandra is struggling with her place among the Hamatos, it doesn't help when she finds out they're keeping a pretty big secret from her. Hopefully they can make it up to her.

The Sun and Icarus (Completed) – Mikey-centric. He's been doing pretty good at developing his mystic abilities lately, but now they're starting to explode, pretty violently. And it turns out if this keeps up the whole ordeal could just kill him. Better find a way to put a cap on it, or something to that effect. (Wow more power overloading fics from ME)

Girls' Night (One Shot) – April centric one shot, also April/Sunita. She's just trying to have a fun night out with the girls, inviting Holly Blue along for the ride, but maybe that was a mistake because in her attempts to playfully tease the wasp, she's suddenly forced to confront her own crush.

And For my Next Trick (One Shot) – Leo-centric one shot. Leo's getting frustrated with his lack of progress on his mystic powers, and with Hueso's advice decides to shift his focus to a different kind of magic, stage magic. With Hueso Jr.'s help, he plans to put on an entire show, which should be fine if some other magician doesn't show up to steal the show.

Look Up Hero in the Dictionary (Completed) – Raph centric. Raph's feeling a bit too idle in the city lately, with only minor crimes going on, but in his wish for something exciting a strange explosion happens at an apartment building. He attempts to help everyone escape, but a yokai holding the building together stays behind, and on top of that charges Raph with the task to take care of her child. Have fun taking care of a powerful psychic seven-year old, Raph.

What You're Made Of (One Shot) - Casey Jr. centric. Casey is getting frustrated with discovering weird things about his body like skin problems and peanut allergies. Draxum suggests he find out who his other parent is to get an idea of his genetic history, but when he finds out who it is, he's kind of ticked off that his family never told him. (this is a bio dad Raph fic for the record).

The Knight and the Dragon (Completed) - Jasonnie centric. Episodic chapters about Donnie and Jason learning to be friends and then becoming more than friends. Very sappy, a bit of angst, a lot of me making up lore about Jason.

Here's To You Holly Blue (Completed) - Grief fic, OC, Donnie and Leo focused. Takes place roughly 17 years later when Holly Blue's health takes a drastic drop and she won't be coming out of it.

Off Colors AU (Separated AU)

Off Colors: Contrasts (Completed) - Covers season 1. Leonardo's spent most of his life believing he's an only child because his little brother was kidnapped when they were only toddlers. But a rescue mission to the Hidden City with his best friend April results in him finding out he actually has three siblings. And in the span of a couple of weeks he finds out all of them are alive and, unfortunately, working for bad guys. He's going to try everything he can to stop them and convince them to come home, but it may be a fools errand.

Off Colors: Analogous (in progress) - Covers season 2. Leonardo now has his siblings living in his home, but it's more of a nightmare than a dream come true since he only gets along with one of them. Still, maybe with time they can all start working things out, and the sooner the better since there's still a threat on the horizon.

Other Chaptered Fics

An Alien Invasion Happened but That's Not Really What This is About (Completed) - Long ass title. Jason-centric. Hi I wrote a novella sized fic about what happens to this kid during and after the events of the movie. Watch him attempt badly to cope with trauma while also fixing his relationship with his very queer dad who loves him a lot.

Artificial Phoenix (Completed) – Lou Jitsu died in the arena but then Big Mama said no no no! So Draxum brings him back to life while mutating four turtles so Lou Jitsu said NO NO NO! And he took them and ran. Alternate take on the events of the show, where Splinter is undead and unmutated, and unfortunately does not keep his soul in his body the entire time, leaving his sons grieving and desperate to get him back.

Jasonnie things

Not Part of the Plan (One Shot) – Donnie centric. Despite knowing time travel exists, Donnie is still surprised to find his future self in his lab. But his excitement at the possibilities is swiftly crushed as his future self has an easy time embarrassing him. He hopes he can at least gather some useful information in the process, but he slowly begins to wonder if he even wants answers to all these questions.

You Have to Let Him Go (One Shot) – Donnie centric also sad as hell. I literally just wanted to write about how Donnie's husband hecking dies. Read this if you want to be miserable. (or if you hate Jase I guess ??? alskdjf man got char grilled (I have to make jokes to keep myself from being upset shh))

I'll Put the Knife in Your Hand (Completed) – Well, now that Donnie heard about his possible future husband, he's determined to at least get to know the guy. Unfortunately his family is far more cautious about this than he seems to be. AKA Four times Donnie's family believes Jase is planning to stab him in the back, and the one time he actually does.

ERR_FILE_NOT_FOUND (One Shot) - Donnie is messing around with his mind machine again, and in the process ends up erasing part of his memory. Specifically the memories about Jase, and Jase is barely handling this well. Good thing Donnie's brothers who totally and absolutely are on good terms with Jase are there to help. Maybe.

Dual Dragons (One Shot) - Collab fic with @there-wolf ! A fic in which our versions of Jason end up encountering each other and even switching universes temporarily, giving them a window into how their life could be different (for better or worse).

[porphyriosao3]

Day 7 - Family

(Author's Note: this is a continuation of the same scene from Day 6, Mother)

Later, after the roast and potatoes had been served and duly enjoyed, the washing up done, and the evening drinks poured, Bilbo surprised himself by saying "You asked earlier about my family."

Thorin nodded, a cautious expression on his face. Bilbo had been able to tell that the dwarf wasn't certain of his reception with any such question, yet asked them anyway. He loved him more with each passing moment for such thoughtless courage. "I did. My apologies if..." Thorin began, but Bilbo leaned over from where he sat and pecked him on the cheek, causing a flush to rise and the flow of words to cease rather abruptly.

"No apologies needed, silly thing," the hobbit chuckled. "I was only surprised because you so rarely mention your own family. Fili and Kili I know, of course, and they themselves have told me of their mother though you have been startlingly reticent on the subject. Tell me of your mother. I feel I barely know anything about you beyond what I've seen." This was the sort of social bagatelle that everyone in Hobbiton knew how to interpret, and it was Bilbo's startling ill-fortune that the recipient of this statement took it literally. Nodding once, Thorin squared his shoulders and began.

"My family was not as yours. In my childhood, the center of my family was always my grandfather Thror, not my father Thrain. As king, he was... well, you've seen how the dwarves treat their kings. I am told that he was kind to my father and my cousins when they were young. He was... otherwise by the time I was small." Thorin's face had become cold and remote and Bilbo wasn't sure whether to hug him, change the subject, or punch himself in the face for such a clearly ill-advised question. "He was mad. I see that now. I felt that, in my own way, when the gold took... took..." He shuddered and Bilbo resolved the matter by throwing his arms around Thorin before he even thought about it.

"Forget I asked," Bilbo said. "You are past all that now, my love, and I am here, and you are here, and none of those problems are here with us." Thorin smiled over at him, still with a hint of that distance in his eyes.

"No, it is right that you know. You were right to ask. I am not proud of the history of my close family, but if you are to be tied to me, you should know of these things. My grandfather was gold-sick before ever the dragon thought of us at all. Losing the mountain... unhinged him completely. He was raving as we fled, shouting curses at all of us as we carried him away from the ruin of our home." Thorin sipped his wine, hesitating for a moment, and Bilbo ached for the pain in his eyes. "He left us all one night. Slipped away with only a retainer from where we all slept in Dunland. He and Nár went to the gates of Moria, Khazad-Dûm, the original kingdom of our people, lost these thousand years to orcs and evil, and we were told he went inside alone. His head was flung from the gate by orcs not a day later."

"Thorin..." Bilbo shuddered, the image clear in his mind. "That's terrible. I'm so sorry."

"That event began the War of Dwarves and Orcs. Stupid name, but it was a stupid war that never should have started." Thorin glanced down, mouth a tight line. "My grandfather's madness and hubris embroiled us all in a vendetta that slew far, far too many. The orcs died by the legion, but so what? Dwarves died too, good dwarves, for whom there was no reward possible to claim. Even if we killed every orc in the entire world, still we could not return. Durin's Bane was still there."

"Durin's... Bane?" Bilbo said, hating to ask but curious nonetheless.

"We don't know what it is, but some great evil came up from the depths long ago," Thorin sighed. "It slew dwarves by the hundreds by itself. We have only records of fire and darkness that walk with it, but it remains. While it is there, we cannot return. Legend says Durin himself will come one last time to lead us back, but..." he shrugged. "At any rate, my brother Frerin died in the last battle. My father lost his own wits. My mother..." he stopped, tears running down his cheeks.

"Oh Thorin... Lady of the Green, I'm so terribly sorry," Bilbo said, cradling him as best he could. "None of that is your fault, though. So your mother died in that battle along with your brother? I didn't even know you had a brother," Bilbo murmured.

"No," Thorin snorted, "she wasn't there. We try our best to keep our women off the battlefield if we may. There are too few already. No, my father took my brother against her wishes. She was pregnant and about to bear... a fourth child would be," he grimaced and shrugged. "The best omen. Dwarves are not very fertile. My mother knew my father had to go, he was the king, but my brother... he was far too young, just a pebble practically. Far too young. My mother died in childbirth as my brother died to orcs. My sister has never forgiven our father, and likely never will; I cannot say for certain she does not blame me as well, in part, though I was only the heir."

Bilbo's mouth set firmly at the very idea. "If she is anything like the dwarf I understand her to be from her sons, she is far too sensible for such a thing," he said sternly. "And I will hear no self-recriminations from you, my dear. None of that coil is your fault, and none of it is anything you should bear the blame for. You, yourself, Thorin Oakenshield, were the one to take a mountain and a home back from a dragon, and you did not cause a tragedy in so doing. You, Thorin Oakenshield, are a hero to your people, and if your family has sinned, well, to me you have redeemed it." He kissed Thorin on the tip of his nose, something that always made the dwarf snort and grin. Thankfully, it produced the desired effect. "I shan't be argued with on this!" he said, wagging a finger somewhat ridiculously.

"I shall not, then," Thorin said softly. Oh why must he look at me like that, Bilbo thought. Just when I think I must love him sufficiently already he makes it even worse. Drat the dwarf! Fine. If he hadn't had a supportive, loving family up until now, he would have one going forward. Belladonna Took's memory demanded it.

[queerweewoo]

okay this is very long and mostly just for me to get some stuff of my chest and out of my head therefore anybody tagged pls don't feel as though you have to read it all (like obvs you know you don't have to but you also hopefully know what i mean lol):

so i've had some quite heavy stuff going on in meatspace recently, and then i went to see i saw the tv glow two nights ago which was beyond brilliant but fucked me up entirely on a personal level. then, just to be a bit (read: incredibly) stupid, i for some reason (read: bc i'm a masochist) decided to delve into reading waaaay too many of my first 'eddie losing his shit over christopher leaving/summer of sexuality queer crisis' fics, which i've not dared let myself do before now bc it's all very close to the bone for me i.e. my own queer (trans) crises—yes, plural, they keep coming—and stuff that's not a million miles away from the shit going on with my eldest son (bar kim lol). why tf my brain chose the worse time possible is just another one of life's mysteries (read: i'm just insane [see above]).

(btw my struggling hugely with issues of repression plus my son hating/not hating me aside, THIS FIC is the insanely brilliant piece of art that kicked off the binge. it's from the astonishingly talented @wildehacked and is one of two parts which are possibly the best buddie fics—or even just some of the best fics, period—that i've ever read. seriously, check the tags and if you're a buddie lover and it/they seem like your sort of thing you should 100% go save/read it/them!)

anyways, after all that i'm now just kind of spiralling a bit tbh aha. i'm not fine, not rn, but i will be fine at some point soon sort of thing. like, i'm okay and nobody needs to worry etc i'm just trying to do one if the countless things that i'm absolutely bloody terrible at which is reaching out. but not because i need anything from anybody it's more just for me to be able to say “i'm going through some stuff right now and i might or might not disappear for a while” because i don't usually manage anything at all like that when i'm in the trenches and instead just retreat into my shell and go radio silent—and the thing is, i know some very lovely people who have shown concern when i've done that in the past and i'm therefore trying to be better. friends old and new alike such as @shealynn88 @sharkfish @greyhavenisback @raisesomehale @doilooklikepeople @woodchoc-magnum @buddiebeginz i'll absolutely be getting back/chatting to you when i'm able to interact with a bit more—well, when i'm a bit more, i 'spose xp

also tagging lovelies @novemberhush for the usually well-loved procrastination tag game stuff and @inell and @kitteneddiediaz (and possibly @veronae-buddie and @daffi-990?) for the WIP games i've been kindly tagged in but not responded to. thank you and sorry! like, i know it's absolutely fine and nobody really cares about stuff like that, but i'm just very much feeling like i need to say these things right now. and more apologies if there have been tags i've missed from other lovely folks; not being round these parts for 48+hrs = horrendous notifs situation (you know how it is).

on the writing front, i don't know if it's both completely dumb and ridiculous to start this by saying, “hmm, i'm unsure if it's related or not?” but as well as everything else i'm simultaneously having one one those Everything I Have Ever Written Am Writing Or Could Write Is Utter Fucking Dogshit sort of moments (like, i know i'm not a great writer—which is not derogatory and just fact and 100% absolutely fine—but i'm usually at peace with the strange little oneshots i puke out, y'know?) which is yet another reason for me to disappear off here for the time being as i sadly have one of those unhealthy irrational relationships with fandom that's like I Don't Deserve To Be Here If I'm Not Being Useful—which i know is dumb af and i would absolutely try to coax anyone else out of if it were them saying it and not me, but alas poor yorick. thing is, i used to be incredibly prolific in making fanart, for loads of different fandoms, and that too has dwindled considerably over the last year or more (god, is it that long?) therefore it's just a double whammy currently with the writing now also taking a hit. and i know, i know, whomp whomp poor me etc etc i just—i fear whenever i disappear, i won't ever be able to make it back... bleugh horrid lol

obviously i can't seem to be normal about anything ever so i'm sorry if this is a weird way to respond to nothing happening that nobody asked about (there is no 'if'; it absolutely is weird but i'm afraid it is what it is) and i truly don't need anything from anybody, i just think me posting this and saying how i'm feeling will probably be doing me a bit of good. honestly, pls feel free to ignore, this is just cathartic for me. but i guess, at the same time, as well as those things, me being on the spectrum means i'm not skilled at keeping friendships going, which makes me very sad, so this is maybe me voicing those fears in an attempt to combat them becoming a reality? i think? it's just that i've already drifted away from too many lovely people here due to the affects of these things and i'm therefore just—i think i'm just really trying in my own odd little way.

anyways i'm gonna go rewatch some sense8 and sob out my own weight in tears and snot and just keep on keeping on with existential crisis #4793 for the time being until something shifts in me and then i'll be back at some point? yeah, i think that sounds about right.

love you guys big much (one of my son's isms from when he was little) <3

ps just realised i wrote this on my buddie blog and really can't be arsed copying and pasting it over to my main @all-or-nothing-baby... so anybody who was wondering, yeah it's me yer boi cassidy xp also if you read this far you're insane and i love you even more for it <3

[fatliberation]

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or solidarity, but I have to express this to someone.

I'm an eating disorder survivor. At my worst I was hospitalized, in 2004. Now, in my 30s I'm fat and happy, except for one thing. I want to be a mother. For me and my wife to be eligible for fertility treatment at the only clinic in the UK treating fat people I have been told to lose 20kg to get my BMI to under 40, or be refused treatment altogether.

This is horrendously triggering. I don't know what to do. Our fatness means we're already barred from adopting or fostering in England, so this clinic is my last option. I don't want to put myself and my wife through the resurgence of my eating issues, but being a parent is all I've ever wanted. This whole system is so fucked up and I hate it. Fat people have been having babies since the dawn of time, if it caused such terrible problems there wouldn't be nearly so many of us, but still they're gatekeeping who can get to be a parent.

I'm sorry. I just figure you'll understand.

Dear anon, my heart bleeds for you. I am wrapping you up in the tightest hug. I wish I could take away the pain you must be feeling being faced with this incredibly unfair decision. Not enough people realize the true extent of what anti-fatness steals from us. Our humanity. The right to a family. The restrictions on BMI and adoption in England are disgustingly inhumane. God forbid fat people raise kids. I'd say this is eugenics but it's beyond genes at this point. Nevertheless, they want our genocide. It's okay to do whatever you need to do to process it or survive it.

I've been sitting on this ask for months in hopes that I could offer you something helpful. Today, I finally came across Big Birthas, an information and support page on pregnancy, labor, and birth for fat people in the UK. They have a facebook group where I hope you might find some answers about fertility treatment, or at the very least, connect with a community of fat people who will understand your unique experience.

I'm so sorry you've been put in this horribly unjust situation. You have every right to grieve. I hope you and your wife have been taking care of yourselves and that you may surround yourselves with support. Please remember to be gentle with yourself and know that whatever decision you make about your own body here is completely justified. You have been in my thoughts for a very long time and I am wishing you all of the best with love. Please don't hesitate to use this blog as a resource, you have thousands of fat liberationists right here in your corner, many of whom would be so proud to call you mom! ❤️

[smokestarrules]

May I ask about the Star Vs downspiral? I remember seeing commercials about that show but that's the extent of what I know. But I'm curious now.

Well, honestly there was a Lot that contributed to its fall from grace, but here are some of the lowlights.

(It's been a very long time since I watched this show so I may be forgetting some details; this is how I remember it).

A) Four prominent characters are drawn into a horrible, horrible love square. Star herself, Marco, who is the other main character whose family she stays with while on Earth, her ex-boyfriend Tom, and another character who we meet later, Kelly. I'm sure some people always shipped Star and Marco, whatever, but a significant amount of the fandom including myself were beyond content with their relationship staying platonic---romance was not a factor that needed to be brought in to make us care about their dynamic. In fact, romance just about killed any enjoyment for them at all because it was so poorly written.

Marco and Star go back and forth between taking that romantic step and subsequently rejecting each other for various reasons. At some point Star gets back with her ex, Tom, who seems to have turned over a new leaf. Marco and Tom even have episodes where they hang out together too. Then Marco starts dating Kelly at the same time Star and Tom start to fall out again.

Now that I'm writing this I've realized I actually forgot another entire character who was wrapped up in this; Jackie Lynn, who Marco has a crush on in the early season(s?). She and Marco are together at some point until she leaves him because he's clearly not into her anymore. There are five characters who get stuck in this terrible plotline.

It's just... so needlessly dramatic and completely unnecessary. Star and Marco end up together, of course, but in doing so they completely screw over those two other characters, and by that time, their relationship just leaves a bad taste in fans' mouths.

B) Star VS as a show initially started out as pretty episodic and pivoted to a more narrative-driven storyline later on, which isn't at all necessarily bad, but a lot of what I personally liked about the show ended up being pushed to the wayside because of the bigger emphasis on the plot, and it was disappointing. Not everything needs to have a massive earth-shattering narrative to be good.

The early episodes were character-driven, full of incredibly interesting worldbuilding, and just fun to watch. All of those things were shoved away to make room for something more dramatic and serious.

C) The main bad guys are also pretty much an entire species which is never a good idea because it breeds so many uncomfortable writing decisions. They're "monsters" and they are The Bad Guys, who the Regular People need to stay away from. The narrative kinda tries to challenge this concept, but in the end it's really just not important whatsoever.

Honorable mention) When the show was still good, Marco had a couple episodes in which really interesting things were happening with his gender; he crossdressed as part of Plot and then seemed as as if he was confused about how it made him feel? But later on that plotline turned into more of a joke than it already was and went nowhere. Just weird.

D) How the show ended was one of the absolute worst I've ever seen. I truly cannot explain to you just how--bizarre it is; anticlimactic, rushed, unexpected in the worst way. To stop people from fighting, Star makes the incredibly quick decision to just. destroy magic.

So she does.

The aftermath shows that the two dimensions (Earth and Star's original home, Mewni) are now merged together in some sort of 'happy' fusion, magic is completely not a thing anymore, and entire species that have before been shown to canonically need magic to survive are dead because of it, though the show doesn't think to provide a better explanation for that at all.

And it ends.

[askmemenoquestions]

Slay the Princess Starter Sentences

*Contains spoilers

"You have a job to do here. Just get in there and do what needs to be done."

"While I appreciate the mental exercise, we are running up against a bit of a ticking clock."

"It's no use arguing semantics over a metaphorical chicken-or-egg, because the egg is hatched and it's about to ruin everything."

"If anything, slaying a princess is better than slaying a seamstress. Seamstresses contribute something of value to society."

"You're playing a dangerous game by coming here unarmed."

"We could have gotten out of here together. Were you just lying to me this whole time?"

"If I have to kill you, I'll kill you. Do you think I need both of my arms to do that?"

"This vessel is full of you. I need something empty I can crawl inside of. I need something shaped like me."

"This world is broken beyond repair. We must weave something new."

"Do you want to linger here, entwined with a creature you taught to hate you forever? Eternity never ends."

"You shouldn't have let that fear creep into your heart. You had the upper hand, and now look at you."

"Don't think that just because I'm the one in chains it means you have a right to interrogate me."

"You poor thing. I'll go ahead and put you out of your misery."

"This was fun. You put up more of a fight than I thought you would."

"You have made a decision. It is the wrong one. I love you."

"Please, shake yourself out of it. We have to get out of here."

"No... this is the beginning of eternity. Your reward."

"And then you locked us away in an empty void for eternity."

"Like I've been saying. She's dead. We killed her already."

"Why are you even here? Just making sure you finished the job or what?"

"I was willing to ignore everything you did to me so we could get out of here. Together."

"But I guess violence is the only language you speak."

"On second thought, let's not kill him. Let's throw him someplace that never ends. I'd like to see what that does to him."

"You are familiar, but you are not me. I feel sadness, longing, hope as I witness you."

"I'm sorry. There are some changes that can never be undone, there are some tears that can never be unshed."

"I have not lived. I am not afraid to die."

"If you need time, then I'll wait with you."

"What textures will you weave for yourself to occupy forever? Will you place 'You' and 'I' into a box for safekeeping?"

"I will be here waiting by your side until you're ready to return to mine."

"She asks that I tell you to remember her. You won't."

"You've made a terrible enemy, and there's nothing in the world that can possibly save you from me."

"After all this time alone, I thought I'd finally found a friend. But you were just another monster, weren't you?"

"I know who you are, and I remember what you've done."

"We don't have to make things better. We can't make things better."

"We're just meant to chase each other in the dark until one of us catches the other."

"I'm glad to die horribly if it means you die with me. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"The thing that sits beyond our edge speaks his logic into us. He tries to grasp at things that cannot be grasped."

"It was a fitting end. I'm sorry if it hurt. But doesn't this make it all seem so small?"

"Whenever you are ready, I will wipe your slate clean once again."

"Words are... difficult for me. They never fully weave what I wish to say."

"There is nowhere for you to be but here."

"You have already committed to my completion. You cannot go further astray."

"What you're seeing here is obviously real. Just accept it and go with the flow."

"You are like me, even if you have chosen not to look at the corners of you that do not fit, even if you have chosen to ignore the brilliant contours of your soul."

"The desires of my multitudes thrive in endless competition with themselves, but none of them rise above their dance to influence me."

"You've brought that knife again, even though you know it's useless. Such charming audacity."

"Oh? Are you still trying to defy me? I. Said. Kneel."

"What a pitiful display. A wounded little bird thinking it can defy a god."

"Was severing the tendons of my ascension not enough for you? Was it not enough to rend my divine heart?"

"I hope you weren't planning on dying. We're going to make this last forever."

"These gifts are a conversation, and each one shows me the contours of your heart."

"I'm going to have fun breaking you into little pieces."

"You and I are always going to end in violence, so why bother to run?"

"I never wanted to fight you. So how do we leave?"

[kaija-rayne-author]

9th review in series of Dragon Age Veilguard

70 hours in, 68 actual playtime.

I'm not an asshole disclaimer, if you've read it you can skip to the cut.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

Section 8 here.

Did I say I didn't hate this game? I lied. I hate it so much it has become a vendetta just to finish it.

With three long games, 14 years of history, so much Lore there really never feels an end to it, 5 books. 6 comics, two or more coffee table books and probably stuff I don't know about to use for inspiration... this game is terrible.

They've stripped it down to the most banal, most puerile, most boring concepts they could possibly find in all of that to use in this travesty of a role playing game.

I'll finish it so I can see just how bad it is and how exactly they'll fuck over Solas some more. And here I was feeling comfy that since Weekes loves Solas that they wouldn't utterly fuck him over?

Whoooo boy, was I wrong. I wanted memories of his time before he woke up in Inquisition. I did not want memories of every cruel thing he'd ever been forced to do to protect tens of thousands of innocents. War is horrible. Those leading wars, regardless of the justified reasons (or not) get their hands bloody. They have to make hard decisions that cost pieces of their souls because no one else will.

I wanted memories of what Arlathan and Elvhen culture was like before everything went went to hell. What did we get? Memories painting Solas as the worst possible version of himself.

And the way they discuss and treat the topic of Mythal... I wonder if it's nice and cozy so far up Mythal's arsehole?

It's revolting when you know everything FleMythal has done, and if you read between the lines of all the lore about Arlathan era Mythal.

I've been told that the third act is the best. Though how anyone even gets to the third act is beyond me. Other than sheer cussedness and a desire to escape politics and the side effects of a pulmonary embolism. Cause that's the only way I've gotten this far.

Did I remember to say that they apparently forgot what aggro was and how that's supposed to work with a multi-player team? My rogue is not a tank. (Nor a rogue because rogues pick fucking locks.) Yet for some reason, he always has aggro. Especially the bigger and harder the enemy is to beat.

Aggro, in case you're reading my ramblings and don't know, stands for aggression/attention of whatever your team is fighting. Whoever did the most damage last is the one who should have aggro. In any decent video game, that's the tank, who is built to take it. They're supposed to keep the bad guys attention so the archers and mages can get it from behind/beside.

But since your side characters don't get skill points at the same rate your player characters do, (fantastic idea that, what utter dipshit came up with that?) Your character, whether they're a DPS or not, always has fucking Aggro.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to fight as a Legolas wannabe when you have several tons of dragon crashing into you because you do the most damage because of an outright shitty levelling system?

I now get to go fight another fucking dragon. That's gonna be fun. (It's my third today) and that'll have me into act 3.

Oh, and the much advertised 'dragon slayer' is a good character, but they're shit at actually killing dragons. I never, ever, thought I would miss Cassandra Inquisition. Because I utterly loathe her as a character, but I miss having competently designed dragon fighters in a game with so many fucking dragons to fight.

...

Make that two dragons.

Section 10.1 here.

[suburbanbonfire]

tagged by @18minutemajor for a hockey art share tag game! I enjoy talking about myself but am terrible at posting so this is perfect. i WILL talk too much, this is a threat.

rules: post your first ever hockey art, your latest hockey art, and your favourite hockey art, then tag three hockey artists.

FIRST ART

I made the Kraken Orb (Korb) at the end of the 22-23 season, as a commemoration, although a sort of ironic one considering i had only gotten into hockey in time for the playoffs so there are a couple players here i actually never got to see play at all before making this (Joonas, Jaycob, Burky, Fleury)

it was a whole lot of fun though! Prior to this i was in a months-long art slump after leaving a fandom, so it was a total surprise to have hockey of all things be what revitalized my art.

technically, the very first hockey art from this was Matty; you can kinda tell by the way his lines are a bit thicker than the rest since i wasn't in my groove yet. i also knew coming in that i wanted to arrange the faces in a circle, but didn't plan out beyond that, so i just made sure that i was getting a variety of head directions in my references and hoped for the best. My favorites from this are Gru, Soucy, Dunn, Schultz, Borgen, and Eeli. I think they all turned out really well.

LATEST ART

MEAT CUT MEAT CUT

this one is fun for me because it's quite different from my usual style of art, with lineart and non-realistic forms/face. I've had the concept in my head for awhile after hearing/reading so many interesting descriptions of the physical qualities that good hockey players possess.

'Sacrifice the Body' actually came in mid-art when i had an epiphany doing something like driving my car or an activity similarly unrelated. Before that, it was going to be a lil heart drawn on the chest and the going contender for the label was 'Ferda.' which would've been great, but sacrifice the body just worked too dang well with the themes.

FAVORITE ART

i mean, c'mon. it's gotta be this one.

my magnum opus, my white whale. it came out even better than i saw it in my head and i love everything about it. when i came up with the idea, i had TOTALLY forgotten that Climate Pledge has those giant windows, so when i set out to find references and saw it, it instantly made everything even better with LIGHTING!!!!

It was my first time drawing this kind of interior architecture and although there's definitely things i would do differently now, im so so proud of how it looks and turned out. I was also still drawing through my decade-old laptop at that point, so I had to split up the work on this into two files - i sketched everything, then worked ONLY on the bg until it was about 90% done, then made a flattened copy to open as a new file to draw the players on top of.

I also have a bunch of WIP shots of it in my drafts I guess I'll throw in here now!

initial sketch to get down the composition before i remembered the window | lines of the building! i actually found a 3d virtual tour of CPA from before it was built which had the PERFECT angle, so i screencapped that and straight up traced the architecture. Ultimately, the scoreboard and the paint lines ended up getting moved around.

planning out my lighting in greyscale (i really need to do this more often, i struggle with values so much, alas) | in progress bg! at this point, the ice and the boards/glass were the only things completed. I eventually said 'fuck it' to being able to see the areas behind the stands like you could in all my references, and just put the people dots all the way up.

Now the most gut-wrenching part

THE TAGS

this is where me being bad at posting comes into play, because instead i just lurk and thats not great for forming connections HERE GOES

@ruinedcasket - it has been awesome seeing your art progress! would love 2 hear your thoughts about it

@rouzys - your kraken stuff is so pretty, love how you capture likenesses

oh god oh fuck everyone else i know has already been tagged fuck oh sshit

If You Are An Artist On Hockey Twit And See This, It Is A Sign

[menlove]

Heeeeey

Could you please help me find quotes about john & brian's barcelona trip? Especially the ones from John and his friends that mention or hint on something sexual happening? I reacently talked to a friend and said that brian had a crush on john and that there's high possibility that they did something beyond platonic but she didn't believe me and wants proof

I'm sure i've some quotes about it but can't find them right now😭

Pls help me i love your blog and i trust in youuu

i am so glad you trust me haha but yes !! pulling a compilation of lil quotes from here bc thebeatlesbible is my savior

but the account that mentions something sexual is from pete shotton, john's friend, who wrote john lennon: in my life

and then john himself never said anything about anything sexual happening, technically, but he did say this:

"I was on holiday with Brian Epstein in Spain, where the rumours went around that he and I were having a love affair. Well, it was almost a love affair, but not quite. It was never consummated. But it was a pretty intense relationship." (from all we are saying by david sheff)

and this:

"Cyn was having a baby and the holiday was planned, but I wasn’t going to break the holiday for a baby and that’s what a bastard I was. And I just went on holiday. I watched Brian picking up the boys. I like playing a bit faggy, all that. It was enjoyable, but there were big rumours in Liverpool, it was terrible. Very embarrassing." (from lennon remembers by jann s. wenner)

and ofc there's the fact that arthur janov & john apparently discussed brian at length (& specifically spain) although we don't have the details of those conversations for obvious patient-client confidentiality reasons. it is, however, pretty suspicious bc janov was incredibly homophobic & there's some compelling evidence that the "primal scream therapy" may have included notes of conversion therapy. there's a whole well sourced post on it here w a few quotes about brian.

so yeah long story short the only real primary source account we have of anything sexual happening is from pete shotton, but given Other circumstances i wouldn't say it's out of the realm of possibility. i would also say john himself is an unreliable narrator though so what he did tell pete may not have even been completely true- whether it was a one time thing or what yk? i don't see why either he or pete would make it up wholesale so imo it's only questionable in the opposite direction (i.e. i wouldn't be surprised if more happened than what john told pete).

[flameswallower]

A big difference between me and my partner that often causes some problems is that I have a terrible memory-- or, at best, a very inconsistent memory-- and they have a fantastic one.

Now, these differences are present across the board, so they do present some of the problems you're probably thinking about: Shell gets exasperated that I'm always asking them when we're scheduled to do things, that I sometimes forget things I said-- even PROMISED-- I'd do, and that I tell the same jokes and stories repeatedly because I forget that I've already told them. Typical ADHD/non-ADHD couple stuff.

But the biggest problems come from the differences in our autobiographical memories and the ways in which we experience time and selfhood because of those differences. I have the advantage of lightness, flexibility, the ability to change with relative ease, very rarely holding long-term grudges, still feeling upset/self-conscious about things that happened a long time ago,etc. And while I don't see the need to get precious or overly philosophical about the exact nature of my selfhood, I'm not usually distressed that I've been different than I am now, and that I will be different in the future, and that bad shit happened to some guy who doesn't really feel like me anymore. Whatever.

On the other hand, I have the disadvantage that it's hard for me to look far beyond the present in either direction, it's hard for me to plan or to stick to plans, and because I do not remember that much, it's very easy for someone who remembers more to tell me heavily biased or even just untrue things about what happened in my own past-- to which I have no choice except to go "well, I guess, it's not like I have anything to contest that with beyond a gut feeling that it's kind of wrong." Sometimes Shell will tell me I said or did something years ago that still bothers them, and I have to be like, "wow, as described, that's a super shitty thing to do/say, and I'm so sorry that I apparently said/did it. No, I don't remember saying/doing it, and I also can't tell you what I was thinking." And then we both feel kind of gaslit!

I sometimes wish I could remember people who have gone from my life in more detail than I do.

On the other hand, Shell experiences a lot of stuff that would really upset me for, eh, maybe a few months? as traumas that last years and derail their life because they can't forget what happened even a little bit, or put it from their mind. They mourn people, places, and things that have gone very deeply, and the mourning is in a sense permanent. They sometimes get paralyzed in making decisions because they can't stop thinking about everything that led up to making the decision and every possible way it might affect things in the future. I think it is also very hard for them that they remember and carry slights for a long time when others not only don't see those slights as a huge deal, but often don't or barely remember crossing Shell at all. This makes them feel like they aren't important to other people, even though often it's just that other people (even people whose memories aren't as bad as mine) don't remember things as well as they do, especially if they did not experience an event as emotionally charged in the same way Shell did.

But Shell is a great planner, and very smart, and only needs to read or hear or learn something one time to understand it completely. Everyone around here depends on them a lot because of these traits-- though this, too, can be something of a burden!

[alchemist-of-thebes]

KH OC Week Day 1

Hello! How fun that KH OC Week is finally here! Actually, even though I've known about it since it started, I've never actually taken part in it. But I'm trying it! I'm trying so hard! I've been writing for a very long time, but only started dabbling in KH-related stuff because of @hinataoc. My characters were really originally mostly made to help support her characters and her stories, but the ol' writing bug would bite me every here and there and eventually I started writing little stories and adventures of my own for them. I've got a few now, but this week I think I'll just focus on the two OCs that started this journey for me. So... uh, here we go.

Day 1: Introductions

◾Tell us about your OC!

To start off my first OC Week, I’d like to introduce two of my characters - Velcia and Velcia! …Wait, what?

Yes, I’m afraid that it may seem a bit confusing at first. Both characters share the same name and very similar appearances, but they are in fact very different people! So let me introduce them both and tell you a bit about each one.

First, credit to the amazing @amyhayanora for the wonderful art of these two for me! She did such a good job of bringing them to life.

Now, to get started! On the left we have the first “Velcia”, who lived in Daybreak Town as a Keyblade Wielder up until the Keyblade War.

KHx-Era Velcia:

Her true name is “Valencia Florere”, but when she arrived in Daybreak Town all alone at the age of 3 years old she was unable to pronounce her own name properly. Nobody in Daybreak Town could have known otherwise, and so her mispronunciation “Velcia” was how she was known. For just this one introduction, I’ll use her ‘real name’, though don’t expect her to recognize it!!

As a toddler, Valencia was rescued from the Lanes Between Worlds by The Master of Masters, who did not deem fit to provide to anyone else an explanation of how she ended up there. Not having the faculty to raise a babbling baby, The Master of Masters created a digital data world modeled after Enchanted Dominion. This snippet of a world was completely devoid of danger, and it was here that Valencia was raised alongside a digital Aurora by the Good Fairies.

Pleasant and peaceful though it was, being raised by digital facsimiles of real people does tend to leave one a little odd, and by time Valencia was old enough to leave this fictional nursery she was quite an odd girl indeed.

Shy, awkward, and almost entirely lacking in social skills, Valencia was nonetheless an aspiring artist who quickly honed her craft as she worked to document as many Wielders and events in Daybreak Town as she could as a sort of reclusive self-styled historian. Her fingers and hands usually have pencil smears on the sides from all her drawing. She does wipe them off constantly, but she’s also drawing constantly so it’s a bit of a self-defeating endeavor.

She doesn’t try to be annoying or obnoxious but has a vague sense that there are things that she does that bother other people that she can’t really seem to change. This leaves her with a bit of a lack of confidence, but she’s always so eager to learn more and add more things to her books she pushes past her awkwardness anyway. 

Poor Valencia is terrible at fighting and quite a pushover, who did her best to stick to the periphery and hope nobody would notice her working quickly to sketch them into one of her many books. It wasn’t until she finally met a young man named Balthazar that she was really able to find a stable friend and companion. 

Valencia found she had a strong affinity for the World of Olympus, dearly loving everything about it. Of all the Projected Worlds, Olympus was where she spent the most time and as soon as she was able she bought a set of Olympian Robes from the Moogle in Daybreak Town; but stuck to wearing her more familiar boots, pants, and other various accessories. She didn’t know what her true homeworld was supposed to be, but she hoped beyond hope it could be Olympus.

The events leading up to the Keyblade War were nearly as devastating to Valencia as the War itself, and during the war she was struck with what should have been a fatal blow and left for dead - but a very odd thing happened. An unusual Heartless appeared on the battlefield and whisked her away from the chaos, bringing her to Olympus and healing her before ultimately being destroyed.

Now living on the world of her dreams, Valencia eventually managed to put the traumas of her past behind her and start a family. Her now-powerless Keyblade and the name “Velcia” were both passed down through the generations, and each time one “Velcia” passed away the next-born daughter received the name and the heirloom Keyblade, and after some time that brings us to…

KHII-Era Velcia

Velcia Anthes, daughter of Hephestus and Ioanna Anthes, was raised in Thebes as a Potion-Maker and Alchemist by her father after her mother mysteriously vanished when she was two years old. Named after her Keyblade-Wielding Ancestor from her mother’s side, Velcia received the Heirloom Keyblade and grew up hearing stories of wielders from her grandmother and marveling at the tales.

Coming from a family of scholars on her father’s side, Velcia is keenly interested in learning everything she can about the fundamentals of both magic and potion-making; and her devotion to learning magic hit an all-time high after her father and cousin were killed by Vanitas during the events of KH:BBS. 

After this, she was taken in by her aunt and uncle who helped her to stay strong and focus on her studies as they worked together to overcome the pain of losing their loved ones. Thanks in no small part to their support and the integrity of her father, Velcia is kind, graceful, and has every bit of the elegance that her KHx-era ancestor lacked; but most of all she is driven and determined to help anybody she can, especially if it means they can avoid the sorts of losses she dealt with growing up.

Thanks to time spent participating in events at the Coliseum when she was younger, Velcia combined her effective if rudimentary physical fighting skills with her growing array of spells to become a competent red mage who was very confident in her magic abilities. In her mid-twenties during the events of KHII, Velcia thought that her life as a potion-maker was perhaps all she would ever be.

One fateful day she meets a visitor from another world named Samantha, and almost the next thing Velcia realizes she’s being asked to come use her magical powers and knowledge to help Sam and Hinata chase down a dangerous Replica called Thaanix. This, it turns out, is only the start of her adventures…

--------

That’s about it for my introductions! I will include answers for both Velcias going forward for the rest of the week, but will likely have more information and pictures posted for the Modern-Era Velcia as I have more stories and art for her. Truth be told, the picture above is really the only proper picture of KHx-Era Velcia I have! Thank you for reading these little bits about my characters, I really hope you’ve enjoyed them.

Anyone who would like to read any of the stories I've written can find them either on my AO3, or on @hinataoc's Fanfiction.net page (which also has a plethora of other very good stories by her that you should check out). Archive of our Own Fanfiction.net

In addition, I have been in the middle of posting a new story about the Modern-Era Velcia called "Return to Eos", with a new chapter posted every weekend. I'm trying to post a little snippet of the chapters here on Tumblr as they go up, so if you are interested you can keep an eye out for those, too. Lastly, thanks very much to the @khoc-week crew (small as it may be this year) for hosting this event. :D

[sweethoneyrose83]

Alice Madness Returns x Smiling Critters

Madness AU

Trivia's Tea Party of Terror part 2

Trivia nods in agreement with her little doll and then, back at the blood trail, "Yes, something terrible has happened here. We must follow this trail to find out where the Hatter is". Trivia puts Poppy on her shoulder and holds her verbal blade as she starts to follow the trail. The trail leads to a large clearing where the Hatter is standing with his back turned. He seems unaware of your presence. "Dogday... Hatter..." Trivia whispers, holding the vorpal blade and her guard up. The Hatter turns around slowly, he looks completely different from how she remembers him. His yellow and orange fur is long and matted, and his eyes are filled with a wild look. "So, the Champion of the White King has come to challenge me". "No. I've come to save you, snap you out of this! You still love the White King, right...Angel?" Trivia says, watching him. The Hatter looks confused for a moment, but then he laughs "Love the White King? I despise him! He has taken everything from me, and now I am going to take everything from him." "What did he take from you? The White King wants peace in Wonderland, you've been brainwashed by The Red King, 1006" Trivia says, watching the little critters fending them off when they get too close. The Hatter's eyes narrowed. "Don't speak his name! The Red King is the true ruler of Wonderland, and he will soon take over all of it. He promised me power beyond my wildest dreams if I helped him destroy the White King and rule Wonderland in his place." "No, no. Listen to me DogDay... The White King loves you... You called him your Angel. You'll talk about him all the time, please listen to what I'm saying, I don't want to hurt you!" Trivia says against most of the little critters. The Hatter seems to be struggling with himself, his eyes darting back and forth as if he is fighting a war within himself "I- I... The White King loves me? He has never told me that before." Trivia slowly makes her way closer to him "The Red King brainwashed you, him and his red smoke drug... I found the tea party table...the tea was drugged, PickyPiggy and Kicken Chicken are dead..." The Hatter's eyes widen with realization, and he falls to his knees "I... I killed them? How could I do such a thing?" "You weren't yourself... Please come back to me. I need all the friends I can get," Trivia says, putting her hand on his shoulder softly. The Hatter looks up at her, his eyes are filled with tears. "I- I can't believe what I have done. Please forgive me for all the terrible things that I have said and done." Trivia nods and cups his cheek "It wasn't your intention, it's not your fault. The tea was drugged with Red Smoke." The Hatter nods and pulls her into a hug. "I was such a fool. I let the Red King's lies consume me, but now I see what he has done to Wonderland and all those who inhabit it. The White King is right, we must fight against this tyranny!" Trivia smiles slightly and sighs relief, giving him an awkward one-arm hug "It's alright Hatter". The Hatter's hug tightens, and he seems to be trying to keep himself from breaking down* "I don't know how I will ever make up for the things that I have done, but I promise you one thing. From now on, I will stand by your side as we fight against the Red King." Trivia nods and looks at him again. "Good, I need my good friend back again". The Hatter chuckles and looks at her "I'm glad to be back. I promise you that I will never abandon my friends again. Now we must hurry and find the White King before it is too late!"

[sapphire-weapon]

Wait, has anybody asked WHY you like Leon so much? Both OG and remake? I know you said that you have nostalgia and good friendships through RE4, but what is it exactly about his character and story that you like so much? How about some tidbits that you don't like?

Personally, he's so... complex for me. I enjoy him. I empathise with him. He can make me laugh occasionally, but I also find him incredibly punchable and there's certainly traits and actions that I absolutely can't stand, lol.

I've talked about this before, but Leon Kennedy is the personification of the millennial experience.

He started his adulthood bright-eyed and naive and really intending to do some good in the world, got fucked over by the government in ways that were far beyond his ability to control much less predict, and has been trapped his entire adult life in a life that he hates and a job that makes him miserable that he has no way of breaking out of because he'd only ever really been able to develop one particular skillset out of the necessity of survival.

Leon's monologue in the bar in Vendetta about the state of his life gives me the exact same feeling as two much older quotes from two completely different video games that have haunted me since the day I heard them.

In Final Fantasy X, Auron says:

"Legendary Guardian? I was just a boy. A boy about your age, actually. I wanted to change the world, too. But I changed nothing. That is my story."

And in AC:Revelations, Desmond says:

"There was a big dream floating out there, and every night, I saw people dreaming it. I don't know how they did it. It takes as much money to smile as it does to pay rent in this place."

The difference with Leon as opposed to Auron and Desmond is: Auron and Desmond give a quick punch to the gut and then move on. I basically lived out this experience alongside Leon in real-time. My life hit major milestones basically in perfect timing with new RE content being released, and we both seemed to go down the same spiraling rabbit hole together.

So, Leon is just very Special to me. I'm able to overlook major flaws with his character writing just because he's Leon; he's one of those characters who's always been there for comfort and catharsis in really dark times when I felt like I had nothing else.

I have openly and vocally hated other characters in other media for the kind of "machismo-as-a-coping-mechanism" thing that OG Leon has been doing on and off since OG RE4. But I forgive Leon for it because he's Leon.

The entire Ada thing is a fucking mess and has been a constant source of consternation for me since day one. But I forgive Leon for it because he's Leon.

His inconsistent character voice and the way that his character motivation and direction seems to meander aimlessly would probably drive me insane with anger if he was anyone other than Leon.

Real talk, if I hadn't grown up with RE and had instead come into contact with the series for the first time as an adult, I would probably fucking hate him. I would probably write him off as a fuckboy and be desperate for Capcom to end his story and get him the fuck off of my screen. I would probably be a Chris girl, 100%.

But that's not how it happened, so now I'm stuck rummaging around in the garbage with this fucking goblin.

That's why I didn't try to defend him when that anon sent that long-winded venting rant the other night. There is no defense for him. I just accept that the way his story was written is mostly terrible.

I could probably mount a good defense for Remake Leon, but OG? No. It's not possible. That anon's observations were correct. But I am a raccoon who has made my home in the garbage pile that is Resident Evil and Leon Kennedy. And if someone is not comfortable living in garbage, they won't find a home here with this series -- and they especially won't find one with him.