#i've also put the list of abilities up in her section as well

[hellconsumed]

out of character . my elena gilbert has become more modified . i've taken inspo from @damnatore . and elena's main verse is going to entail her being a nephilim like she was in the books . her carrd section has been updated !!

[rpgbabe]

Fav blogs? 🩶

genuinely too many to list :C there are so many wonderful blogs/ppl on here that ive been foloing/mutuals with for so long for a good reason. i dont wanna cop out and say 'everyone i reblog from' or 'everyone i follow' or anything like that but just kno.. if i like ur stuff and interact w u, that's all genuine + real + ur one of my favs for sure bc i dont fake that stuff. (also if i foloed u on my new blog bc.. i honestly couldnt be assed to find any1 but my favs on here lmao) follows + reblogs of non-original pictures can be shallow but if im actually liking ur personal stuff n everything, i like you and probably want to kno u better :.) i couldnt list all of the ppl in this category bc theres too many + id def miss ppl BUT to actually give you a genuine answer, i do have some blogs that stand out to me bc of their personality + impact + just our general interactions/connection soo

@comingtoyoursenses angel. actual positivity (not like fake positive shallow phony stuff).. beautiful literary sense, soso sweet. she is actually the light <3 not sure how she puts up w me im so negative but i never feel judged by her wah perfection. genuinely too good for me or any1, inspires me to be better :,) also ik i dont need to say more but i feel like she just has a rare nuanced eye for things like so many well-intentioned ppl on here will like see things in black and white and be rly unaccepting of others but i feel like liz has a rare ability to genuinely be open-minded n it's a very special quality imho

@eucalyptus111 honestly one of the realest ppl ive met on here.. i love how she never bullshits + isnt scared to tell me what she rly thinks, conversation comes so naturally bc she's so interesting + so honest + genuine + actually takes the time to rly get to know ppl which is shockingly rare -_- it takes a lot for me to feel comfortable around ppl so quick but w her it's so natural <3 feel like i've known her 4ever

@sklira so talented, so modest, so unique. always introducing me to new things (unintentionally loll) + always standing out from others like so so refreshing. also feel like we have similar passions for like old web/retro gaming/that culture, even tho we're also so diff (bc sklira is way cooler than me ofc heh..) just such a genuine love for art and music and film that isn't just manufactured for internet popularity, one of the rare ppl actually using the internet as it's intended i feel

@blackmold just <3333333. she knows how i feel.. in another life we'd be soulmates. always thinking of her + wishing her the best

@exnymphette kissing on the lips. soul tie. sharing a heart.. one of the only ppl on here i feel like i could just bare my entire soul n she would probably not judge me or hate me for it ;-; need her bak

and ofc everyone like this that has deactivated or become less active, they know who they are, i love them sm 4evr <33!

aand i could do like a whole other section just for aes blogs/non-personal blogs that r just rly cool so.. silent s/o to all of them ofc.. i wont bog down this list too much bc it's already 2 much v.v if u r looking for like actual blog recs tho maybe i can try to answer that sometime as well bc that's probably more like actually useful for other ppl lmao<3

[bisamwilson]

34 and whatever pairing u want if u are still taking prompts :D

hi anon! thanks for the ask <3 #34: things you whispered in my ear (from this list) a bit of catws redux peggynat on this sunday night!

Peggy had learned to be a bit of an optimist during the war.

It was more out of necessity than anything, really, a way to keep her head afloat and her mind from straying into too many of the overly realistic negatives it tended to latch onto, but it was also partially a natural consequence of both knowing and loving Steve Rogers and his unflappable ability to keep going through anything at all.

Until he couldn't anyway.

That had, admittedly, put a bit of a damper on her optimism.

She finds it flagging even more now as she puts on her best fake smile and nods at the rather intrusive genius bar employee who got a little overly enthusiastic when Natasha had told him they were researching destinations for their honeymoon.

"OMG!" he'd said, as if that was any shorter than just saying the full phrase, clapping his hands together with a oddly heightened nervousness Peggy's not quite sure what to do with. "How long have you been together? Are you wearing a dress? Is she wearing a dress? Are you both wearing dresses? I'm totally an ally!"

She finds herself wishing he was less of an enthusiastic one, oddly enough. "We haven't quite sorted out the details, given we are still researching here, but your support is appreciated--" she squints down at his name tag, "--Adam."

Adam smiles with all his teeth and, despite the fact that she'd become a literal fugitive and had watched a quasi-friend, quasi-coworker die in the last twenty-four hours, she thinks it might be the most off-putting thing she's seen today. "Of course! Well, I'll, uh, let you two get back to it. Let me know if you need anything else! Love is love!"

Peggy smiles again and hopes it manages to reach her eyes before turning back to Natasha. "Do you have everything we need, darling?"

Natasha grins and grabs her hand, pulling her out of the Apple Store and into the main section of the mall. People are milling about in every direction; Peggy hopes they provide more cover than the glasses and cap that Natasha had given her earlier, but she thinks there's only so much that can truly distract from a 6'2" woman roaming around a random shopping mall.

She spots the first agent at the same time Natasha does if her tighter grip on Peggy's hand means anything.

She lets herself be dragged towards the escalator, keeping her head down and her posture more slouched than she's ever allowed. Natasha stops on the step just above her, putting them slightly closer to equal stature, and leans in as close as she can, exaggeratedly turning her gaze to the SHIELD agent on the opposite escalator before darting back to Peggy, all without moving the rest of her face.

"You should kiss me," Natasha whispers in her ear, and it runs a chill up her spine.

Logically, she knows it's a distraction tactic. She'd used it herself on occasion, when she was out in the field as a spy before she'd taken the serum.

Logic doesn't seem to make her heart beat any slower, nevertheless.

She bends down to kiss her despite hearing her own heart in her ears. She tastes like the cherry chapstick Peggy's found that Natasha tends to favor, and a few seconds' worth of a kiss is enough to make Peggy think she might favor it, too.

"First kiss since 1945?" Natasha asks as she pulls her towards the exit at the bottom of the escalator, hand still in hers despite the fact the ruse is unnecessary now.

Peggy raises her eyebrows as she hops in the seat of the car they'd "borrowed." "I'd wager that means I'm in need of a bit of practice?"

Natasha waggles her eyebrows. "Practice makes perfect, Peg."

Peggy laughs, but it comes out as little more than an exaggerated puff of air out of her nose. "Jersey first, Widow. Then perhaps practice. I've always liked to save the sweeter things for last."

Natasha just grins.

[atarev]

Set 12: Bastion Accord

Ba-Baaaaa!

So! In honour of the first request from @chronojumperintraining as well as the new episode that just aired (don't worry no spoilers here), we start properly shifting these articles just from Rogue Deck analysis, to full on Meta Deck Analysis as well! What better way to start that then with a deck that's had an evolution long in the making which does Not disappoint at all? Bastion Accord!

CONT:All of your grade 3 or greater front row rear-guards cannot be chosen by your opponent's card effects, and get [Power]+5000. (Active on opponent's turn too) AUTO:At the end of the battle this unit attacked, choose one of your grade 3 or less rear-guards, [Stand] it, and if your opponent's vanguard is grade 3 or greater, it gets "AUTO1/Turn:When this unit attacks, COST [Counter Blast (1) & discard a card with "Bastion" in its card name from hand], and this unit performs drive checks until end of that battle." until end of turn.

Eye-catching content: Free restand?? Bastion Persona-Blast to drive check?? Resist?? Perma +5k??

This card is just about as insane as it looks and it only gets crazier from here! Here's the list I've been testing that really brings out Accord's full strength

Code E4YZ on Eng decklog (these cards are still only in Japanese, just that EN decklog has a JP version)

Let's dive into some decisions behind this deck!

Firstly! The big new card from Set 12 outside of Accord himself, Grandeur Edge!

[CONT](Hand):When a grade 3 card would be revealed from your hand for the cost of your card's ability, this card may be regarded as revealing two cards. [CONT](RC/GC):If you have a vanguard with "Bastion" in its card name, this unit gets [Power]+10000/[Shield]+10000. (Active on opponent's turn too)

This card is one of the best things that Bastion's ever gotten, and it shouldn't be too hard to see why! By counting as 2 g3s, if you choose to use the Bastion ride-line, you dont need to keep as many g3s in hand in order to pay their costs! Also gaining +10k power as well as shield with a Bastion VG? It's Kokabiel and Pride Protection Dragon but way better because you can use it as a body on the board as well!

Now onto a pair of cards where one shines way more than the other, but the latter is still important! Sapient Owl and Rondahlia!

[CONT](RC/Hand/Trigger Zone):During your turn, if you have a vanguard with "Bastion" in its card name, this card gets grade+2/[Power]+2000. [AUTO]:When this unit is placed on (RC), if you have a vanguard with "Bastion" in its card name, COST [put a grade 3 or greater card from drop into soul], choose one of your vanguards, and it gets [Power]+5000 until end of turn. If a card with "Bastion" in its card name was put for this cost, and you did not Counter Charge this turn, Counter Charge (1).

This card single handedly plungles Bastion into Promo Hell, but for those who truly want to make Accord shine, the price is worth it! This card supplies early aggression, easy boosting, soul fuel and counter-charging! And even if you can't put a Bastion into soul with its effect, theres one other card that feels Great to target with Owl who also segues well into the Choices section of the article: Brave On Sky-Trimmer, Rondahlia!

An English version of a card?? Revolutionary!!

Jokes aside, its synergy with Owl should be quite obvious, by dropping Rondahlia for a ride-up, you can send it to soul with Owl and give a backrow Grandeur boost for a Massive Alden Swing, or any other massive swing if you like!

This synergy is also why we dont run Dark Strain, alongside the fact it works better in the long term, where you might want to Persona Ride on Accord before you ride to Prime next turn but you only have a single rear to give boost to? If you used Rondahlia the turn before, it feels so nice to get to use her second skill!

Now onto a more avant-garde choice, the Blaster Rideline

Anybody who's played Bastion even during OverDress's infancy will know what it feels like to call a trigger off of Fort's skill, and that's what we're aiming to prevent! It also helps to avoid calling a top-deck Prime (thats happened to me more than you would think) and losing a copy of our Kill Button. Yes it needs counter-blast to work, but with the speed the meta is at right now, you'll likely be eating an early damage, especially if you're going 2nd which this rideline really shines in the case of!

Those are the big power-cards, with units other than that feeling fairly obvious in use (Sajess to get over defensives, Alden for Draw, Prime as Kill Button, Surrogate to search Prime and a Rear) with Form Up being a flex-spot but also nice to help force extra guard on a accord swing boosted by Owl

Overall this deck is extremely strong, it can light people up without even needing to rely on Prime, but if they can get to Prime with a Rondahlia moving to soul? You better pray that you've worn them down with a rush enough that you kill on next turn if you even get one!

I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what next week's deck is going to be! It has something in common with 2 other decks I've shown off, but it isn't a Masques deck, I wonder if anyone's willing to try guess!

As always thanks for reading! If you have any suggestions, questions or just wanna chat about vg, message me or reply to this post!

Until next time!

Ciao!

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 21/12/2023

Lifelike Waterway

Season 4 Episode 1 Featured on: FIRST STRIKE ~ SiIvaGunner: King for Another Day Tournament Original Soundtrack VOL. 1

Ripped by l4ureleye

Every since the year the King for Another Day tournament came to a close, the Christmas season has always brought back memories of it. It was such a huge event, and only really happened to land around the Christmas season due to delays in production, yet it all felt so befitting - the kind of comforting, communal feel of the holidays just fit a tournament of this ilk so well. And while yesterday, with 11 Minutes of City Pop, I wrote about the tournament's beloved silver medalist, today we're going lower down in the ranks - to a combatant many thought went out before he could've shown his true potential.

To say that Cave Story means a lot to me would be an understatement - I alluded to it earlier this month with Whip Fortress, but its a game whose aesthetics and music have stuck with me and thousands of people all over the world for so many years. We all knew Quote would have bangers in the tournament, yet by the time he was up to bat, he'd barely had any arrangements up on the channel to truly show his stuff. That's not to mention the fact that his source list even included other early-2000s indie games, yet...before that could be taken advantage of, the voting was settled and he was out for the count. When his catalogue of arrangements started to finally be rolled out, there was an era of...sorrow, in their comment sections. And Lifelike Waterway was no exception to that - to me back then, it was the moment that it truly sunk in that Quote was down and out.

The dour circumstances of the rip were not something that the team could've ever planned around - the arrangements were obviously made far in advance before the voting actually happened. Yet as also happened with Geno and DEARLY BELOVED..., his loss added a magical form of ambience to the music, a secret spice to turn a chill arrangement into a full-on tribute in his memory. I've talked at length about l4ureleye's ripping prowess on the blog before with rips like Hopes and Divinity+ and SICKO TALE - she has an unparalleled ability to create entire worlds and galaxies in your mind, out of nothing but her sound. From the mashups to the remixes, she's uncontested in the art of lo-fi, music that sounds relaxing yet simultaneously gives off the feeling of venturing into an endlessly-deep cavern. With KFAD, she was able to flex her powers to absurd levels, and if you've been listening along you may already know what I mean.

The original Lifelike Waterway already marked one of the most intense emotional points of Cave Story, yet Lifelike Waterway is able to spin that melody, that soothing yet haunting tune into something else entirely. Its far from a faithful arrangement, yet the new atmosphere it creates is just so...gripping. Its hard to put into words the emotions it makes me feel, yet its palpably a blend of the feelings I still have from Cave Story, and the feelings from Quote's fallout in the tournament - yet, the arrangement doesn't fill me with sadness, either. Its more like...the feeling of taking long, deep breaths. The feeling that everything's going to be okay.

...Look, it's difficult to find many specifics to comment on with an arrangement that's as thorough and all-encompassing as this. All of this is really just to say, that Quote's part played in the tournament really highlighted just how emotionally attached many of us have become to this silly little music project, how SiIvaGunner has brought new emotional meaning to characters they didn't even create - and, most of all, that l4ureleye is a genius.

[keldjinfae]

No Skip Albums

I wasn't personally tagged by @oldefashioned but she did say she'd love to see anyone's unskippable album list, so... By the way, narrowing this down to ten was tortuously difficult to do, and that's after the agony of setting aside the albums that have that one song I still enjoy but can do without, if need be.

Alice in Chains - Dirt

Every part of this album is gorgeous and cohesive and everything I was feeling then, and everything I'm still feeling now. Some of these songs are almost too close to home, and those are my favorite kind. I'm also forever a PNW child, no matter where I might go, and Layne Staley and Jerry Cantrell were my voice when I couldn't figure out what to say. Apart from that, Alice is my go-to band for whenever I'm writing Derek Hale.

2. Brand New - Deja Entendu

Everything you need in melodrama, you'll find it here. While you're likely not listening to the songs for the vocal range/ability, they have some of the most gorgeous turns of phrases I've ever heard set to music. "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" and "Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis" stand out in particular, but everything else demands to be listened to as well.

3. Def Leppard - Pyromania

One of the albums that meant I was going on a longer car ride with my family and we needed something we all liked listening to. We all have a favorite song on the album that gets played twice, but if I hear any one of them, then I have to hear the whole thing.

4. Deftones - White Pony

Setting aside what this album means to me personally, Deftones pretty much has a song for any Stiles/Sterek situation you can think of.

5. Led Zeppelin - IV

Settling aside the fact that listening to "Rock and Roll" while I'm driving is fucking dangerous, "Going to California" is one of my favorite songs of all time, period.

6. A Perfect Circle - Thirteenth Step

Everything about this album is perfect. If I hear "Weak and Powerless," then I have to hear "The Noose" and "Blue" and everything after up to "Gravity" or I feel like the rest of the day is unfinished.

7. Phil Collins - No Jacket Required

This album was such a huge part of my formative music experience that I can't really describe it.

8. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

This and the next album were where I had the most trouble in particular--I love so much of everything by both bands that it was nigh impossible for me to choose. So in the end, I went with the one that never fails to remind me of my father. From "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" to its title track, everything about the album is beautifully arranged and deeply personal. And aside from that, there are just numerous days of my sister and I driving along the coast and singing along to "Have a Cigar."

9. Queen - Innuendo

I have to mention how painful it was to not put Night at the Opera or Jazz here, holy shit. Everything on this album is beautiful, and absolutely everything hurts. RIP Freddie Mercury.

10. St. Vincent - Masseduction

I can't even with this one. I feel compelled to cheat and also mention her Actor album because it's just as "ripped out of my own mental diary" as Masseduction is. But Masseduction has "Slow Disco" and "Smoking Section," and therefore just narrowly manages to beat out "Black Rainbow" and "Just the Same But Brand New" in terms of what punches me harder in the feels. That being said, it is my hope to someday write something for Sterek that's based on the vibes of both albums.

[thetentaclecommander]

This is an 18+ blog. Pretty much anything under the Ao3 archive warnings section, and then some can and will likely be represented here, so no histrionics, plz. I don't have a DNI or 'required reading' but do have 'things' listed at post bottom in case they are like deal breakers or whatever so you cannot say you weren't given advance warning as to my content. *I will not waste my time reading DNIs or Carrds. The block button is a great (sex) toy and you are free to use it at will. I sure as hell do.* +++ FAQ Who is this? Hi, I’m TTC

I write Nemesis and Jill boning a lot. For the plot, supposedly. Been doing so forever ago. What are you? An immortal sentient tentacle who moonlights as a jaded fandom old. I can and will out-drink you. What other names have you've gone by? I've lovingly been called That Tentacle and Server Satan. I'm a walking kink-filled perv factory full of bad ideas, hence the names. + What fics do you write? Fic list for the Devil's Saga AU. The Ships in the AU My AO3 + Tags for Blog Navigation Here. + (Con't under the cut for more general info and disclaimers)

Why is...this? Because I want to see more Nemesis/Jill content, and it’s a bitch to find. Also, after years of putting off even joining Tumblr, I wanna share my AU and keep this crack ship alive. Maybe even fanwank on my thoughts about Toll and Onery or even on Jill, the long-suffering bad bitch that Cap keeps forgetting has a compelling storyline right there. But this is mostly just blatant shilling of my AU + What’s your fandoms? Resident Evil. To be clear, I mainly stan RE3: Nemesis, not the remake one. The 1999 one. But in general, I like this goofy series, boulders, nonsense science, bad plot, and all. I do like other stuff that I might occasionally reblog. Could be silly shit like Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel or Arcane to heavy shit like BTD. I'm random like that. + Format of each post: A snippet, a link to Ao3. I’ll list any pertinent CWs if needed. My fics tend to be 18+ some of them marked with Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings and DD:DNE (ie unapologetically dark shit cause RE is a survival horror franchise), so keep that in mind. I might drop early snips; I haven’t decided on that yet. + Is Nemmy -ever- nice in your fics? Pffft (well, he’s 'nice' in bursts, as in a burst of tentacles through Brad’s face). In seriousness, in my take on him, he’s complicated, having the ability to be ""kind"", and ""caring"" but is a Tyrant through and through - basically closer to canon. I like canonical villains and I like my monsters monstrous and, at times, barely grasping that human/monster line. Expect infestations and murder. + What is your stance on RE3: Nemesis (1999) and RE3 (2020)? 1. remake Carlos got the glow up omg 2. Jill was sassy in both and I do love og but ngl remake!Jill was so done and I feels her 3. the monsterfucker vibes was mostly immaculate 4. og Nemesis was hotter and scarier. 3make massacred my boy (I don't judge those that like 3make, but maaan my boi T.T) like my biggest gripe along with the cut content was the game missing the point of Nemmy entirely reducing him to an annoying superman jumping nuisance and honestly lessening the N/J shippy vibes for me + Do you do fic requests? RPs? No. I simply don’t have the focus/time to do requests or things outside of my stories. I write what I want when I want. + Do you do DMs or Asks? I just flit in the night and talk when I feel like it. I prefer all convos in the broad daylight on public posts. But I’ll open my Asks. Be stupid, and I’ll simply close them. Capisce? Also if you DM me wastes of time things like 'Hi', 'hello' - the kinda shit ppl mock on dating sites especially with a pretty much blank profile, you'll be blocked. In fact, I block pretty freely as I value my time. + Don't Whine, You Know What I'm About [Disclaimers To Save People Time] This Tentacle posts here: -sex acts that ranges from soft to oh gods please don’t kill me -urk- -tentacle murder/parasitic 'fun'/horrible things occurring -high/low brow story drama (think Gothic Horror-esque) -crack ships mixed in with canon with zero regard about their 'purity' -monsterfucker shit, duh This Tentacle: -believes that fiction does not have the power of a death note over one's actions and believes people are not inherently stupid or unable to understand for themselves what they engage in -holds sex positive/pagan/kink and leather/poly/queer friendly/profic views -is against the -isms and/or -phobias used against others -laughs at killjoy puritans; your hell/churchy-speak means nothing to me a lifelong heathen eldritch egg laying being If you hate any of these you’ll -not- have a fun time with my content. Also, this shouldn't have to be said, but kiddos (under 18) Be not seen or heard as per ye old adult fandom rules. I reject all signal boosting requests/callouts; promotions will be at MY discretion. (More than likely, the answer will be 'no'.) We team SALS/DLDR/YKINMKBYKIOK in these parts. Be freely stupid with your ships; none of it’s real. Fandom is stupid, don’t take it so serious. Also, the murderkink. Gotta have the murderkink and worms. A'ight, Enjoy!

[finniestoncrane]

hello could you do a smut with batman unburried riddler. i love him so much

that would be awesome thanks <3

Baby Girl Driver

Batman Unburied!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: 2.1k AH i am so excited to do a bu riddler for the first time on his own, and i hope i do him justice. also i'm sorry for the graphic ;-; i don't know how to make a better one and i just love hasan's lil face baby girl, you're so off-putting and irritating, and i love you more than life itself, welcome to the club bu riddler i'm sorry for the thoughts i've had about you and the things i'm about to write you into doing 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: language, fingering

For an entire week you’d been designated driver to the world’s most irritating passenger. But Barbara Gordon had sworn by Edward Nygma’s ability to assist in an investigation of this calibre, and to her credit he had been helpful. When he wasn’t being intensely annoying. Or sarcastic. Or hindering your every effort to solve this quickly. In fact, you were sure he was purposefully trying to elongate the time you’d have to spend together, likely an attempt to avoid going back to Arkham.

“Fuck. I have to pee again.”

“God, Nygma, we just stopped.”

“That was for snackies!”

“And you didn’t think to go then?”

“Well, I was using my time trying to decide what snack I was allowed within my ridiculous budget. And then you yelled at me. So I didn’t think I had time for luxuries such as pissing.”

You rolled your eyes, switching focus back to the road.

“Am I to sit back here and fucking hold it in?”

“Jesus Christ! Alright!”

Pulling over to the side of the road, you both sat in silence, drumming your fingers against the steering wheel.

“Are you gonna-”

“You have to open the door.”

“I swear to…”

Slamming your own door behind you, you made your way around the squad car to the passenger door. He had insisted on riding in the backseat. ‘Like a ride-along. Like you’re my driver.’ It was nice to know he was locked in and couldn’t run, though you knew he wouldn’t. But still, it felt almost degrading to have him locked in there. And yet oddly enough, not degrading for him, but for you. Opening his door, you tensed up at the little curtsy he offered as he scampered into the woods.

“Don’t go too far.”

“If you want to watch me piss, you can just ask! I live in an asylum, remember, it might actually make me feel like I’m at home to have someone staring at me.”

“Please just hurry up.”

"Hey, you're lucky!" He looked back and raised his eyebrows at you, lips curling up in one of his nasty, but weirdly adorable, smiles. "At least I'm not cuffed. Otherwise, you'd have to hold it for me."

"Wow, lucky for us all."

"Yeah, it's a two-hander, baby!" Finger guns aimed at you, he turned at your stoic expression with a huff and disappeared behind a bush. After a few minutes, he trudged back to the car, waiting on you to open the door.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Ooh, someone’s grumpy today!” He flashed a wide grin at you as he opened the door and plopped down on the seat. Closing it hard on him, you got back behind the wheel and peeled out onto the empty stretch of road.

“So…wanna play a game?”

“Absolutely not.”

“You are absolutely no fun whatsoever. How does your poor boyfriend cope?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Interesting.”

You waited silently for a cruel remark, or a joke, but it never came. Instead, he leaned forward, fingers poking through the holes in the barrier between front and back, speaking hurriedly.

“Oh! Down that road, turn turn turn! Now!”

“For the love of…fuck!”

The wheels slipped and spun as you made the sharp corner at way too high a speed, finally managing to get back in a straight line, breathing heavily.

“Good for the adrenal glands.”

“You couldn’t have said something a little sooner.”

“I was distracted.”

At the end of the road, there was a small building, one floor. You took the car off the road and behind some bushes, able to see the house and a section of the road you had just been on, but hidden well enough.

“Stake out time!” From the backseat, he finally piped up, annoyingly excited, opening the snacks he had demanded earlier. “You coming back here to join me?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Well, how will I share my snacks with you.”

“I don’t want any.”

“Aw, come on! It’ll be fun, like we’re proper cops!”

“I am a proper cop.”

“Oh, yeah…right. And I’m completely sane.”

“Nygma-”

“Fine, fine. But I have a better view of the entrance from back here. Nice little gap in the trees. Would be a shame if I was too busy burying my face in to my little snackies and missed something.”

“This is a fucking nightmare.” You mumbled it to yourself, before unbuckling your seat belt and shouting. “Fine!” You exited the car, opening the back door where he patted the seat beside him with a vicious little sneer. When you were seated beside him, he thrust the little bag of food under your nose. “No thank you.”

For two hours you sat there, trying to ignore Edward Nygma’s questioning, all of it unrelated to the case you were working on. In fact, since mid-way through the first week of his assistance, he’d seemed entirely uninterested and not as invested in the work as Barbara had insisted he would be. You were beginning to think this was a huge mistake. Although, admittedly, he was fun to be around. Your usual partner was a bit more ‘by the book’ and wasn’t willing to socialise outside of the job. You barely knew anything about him other than his name and the fact that he had been married but ‘for the love of god don’t call her if I’m hurt.’

Nygma was different though. He was strangely open, although you suspected that was a ploy to learn your weaknesses, so you kept a lot in. About himself though, he was more than willing to talk, he was his favourite subject, other than riddles. And thankfully, today, he hadn’t forced any of his riddles on you, not yet at least.

And for the next hour, there was relative silence, other than the incessant crunching from Eddie eating his ‘snackies’. You watched patiently as several cars pulled up from the main road, all stopping outside of the house and waiting. Three of them were there now, and as a fourth pulled up, they all exited their vehicles.

“You watching this, Nygma?”

“Huh…oh yeah! Uh…yeah, seems about right.”

“Ok so who are they!?”

“Oh…so the one that got out of that car there, he’s the uh…leader.”

“The leader? Of what?”

“Of the thing, you know!”

“We’ve been sitting in this car for three hours. You haven’t mentioned a thing. We’ve been working on this case together for three weeks. You haven’t mentioned a leader. What is going on and why are we here?”

“Ok…promise not to get mad?”

“You fucker. You mother fucker!”

“Wait, wait! Before you get mad. I think it’s important for you to take into account that I haven’t told a single riddle today.” He looked at you with raised eyebrows, but you raised your hand and started smacking at his arm and head regardless.

“I have been driving you around for three weeks, at what point were you going to tell me that you had no idea what was going on with this case, asshole?”

“Please stop hitting me I have solved it, all the paperwork is in the trunk in a neat little folder waiting for you to hand it in and take the credit!”

“What!?”

“I’ve…done it all. I knew after like the fifth day. I didn’t think I’d have to spoon feed the answer to you. But to be fair, I have had to be very forgiving with the answers to my riddles.”

A shiver went up your spine. Pure rage. You resisted the urge to punch him, but it was only with every ounce of your being that you managed to stifle the gut reaction. But you kept slapping at him.

“Well why are we still investigating!?”

“Because!”

“Because isn’t a sentence, fuck face!”

“Because I wanted to spend more time with you!”

You hit him even harder, and he jumped back with a petulant little frown.

“Ok, that one hurt.”

“Good! What do you mean? You didn’t want to go back to your cell?”

“No…because I liked hanging out with you.”

“Oh, Edward. At least save me the embarrassment of trying to trick me into thinking this was anything but a selfish little ploy to escape.”

“I mean, I am going to escape, duh. But not yet. I’m having fun.”

“Fun?”

“Yep.”

“What do you mean by ‘fun’?”

“What the fuck do you think I mean by fucking fun?”

You leant back in the chair, head tilted horizontally, trying to understand his words, his motives. Were you going completely insane? It would be one thing to admit to enjoying spending time with him, he had nothing to gain from that. But to begin believing that he had somehow developed a little crush on you was surely a sign that you were mentally unstable. First of all, how could you believe him without knowing you were likely falling for his manipulation tactics? And second of all, if you could admit that you might believe he had a crush on you, then you might also have to face the fact that you had a little bit of a crush on him too.

There was very little time to focus on the little conundrum that was thundering through your mind, as Edward had leaned over in his seat, one arm holding his body up at the angle, the other on your cheek, fingers daring to reach into your hair. His lips, surprisingly soft and interestingly practised, stuck on yours with a pent-up passion, groaning into you. As he pulled back you moved with him before thudding back down into your seat.

“You’re nice to look at and fun to annoy. And I’m nice to look at and fun to be annoyed by, right?”

He didn’t wait for a response, he was leaning back in to you, slowly, eyes never wavering in their gaze, staring deep enough into your very soul that you were no longer sure if you’d even be bothered that he was manipulating you.

“Would it really be so bad if we enjoyed our time together?”

With his lips kissing along your jaw and neck, you managed to mumble out some words, trying to convince yourself more than anyone else that you should let go and sink into this.

“It’s morally…and ethically…mmm….reprehensible…to fraternise with…hmm…prisoners in my…care…god…”

Too late though, because your hands were already running through the hair at the back of his head, pulling him closer into you, moaning in pleasure at the little yelp he made when you bit down on his lip, tugging at it with your teeth, dragging him deeper into the kiss.

Confidently, or arrogantly, you were never sure with him and you didn’t care right now, he began unbuttoning your pants, hands slipping down under the open zipper, fingers rubbing against your folds at the front of your panties.

“Hmm…what’s soft and wet and-”

“You finish that riddle and this ends now.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He winked at you before sliding the fabric to the side, inserting two fingers into you and easing them around, your walls clenching at his dedicated and inquisitive strokes, trying to understand you, to learn what made you moan, what made you grip his forearms.

Pushing his tongue past your lips, he pressed the once gentle kiss into a sloppy make-out session, hungrily lapping at your tongue inside your mouth, all the finesse and restraint of a teenager at a lover’s lane, which you might as well have been, given you were currently being fingered in the back seat of a car.

The sudden realisation of what was happening had the opposite effect to what you thought it might. Instead of being shocked into action, pushing him off and reprimanding him and yourself, you begged him to make you cum, gasping for air, screaming with little to no care of who might hear.

“You’re absolutely filthy, this is a fucking amazing revelation! If I’d known I could have had you this easy, I’d have suggested we fuck at the point of first contact.”

Even at this, with his fingers inside of you, enacting a pleasure on you that you didn’t even think was possible. His digits stroking and pulsing, his thumb pressing against your clit, pressing into it and rubbing from side to side, the way you did it yourself, the way that worked for you, the way he had worked out was what might make you cum. With his lips and tongue and teeth melting into your own to the point where you weren’t sure where your mouth ended and his began. With the cacophony of pleasurable noises you were both making, the moaning, the heavy breathing, the subtle growling. The grinding and grabbing. Even with all of this, he was still managing to be a royal pain in the ass. And that alone was enough to have you cumming around his, his fingers wet with your release, bringing them up to his mouth to lick them off, never breaking eye contact as he did it.

Easing himself back into a more comfortable sitting position, you were aware in your peripheral vision that he had unzipped his own pants, cock hard and thick in his hand, stroking it a few times, quick and hard, before looking over at you.

“Don’t make me spoon feed this to you to. It’s my turn, right?”

[purity-in-heart]

What Medias/Fandoms do you Think Could Use or Needs More Cardiophilia Content to Come From It

Cardiophilia is popular... among cardiophiles. It's not really the most popular fetish for some reason, at least that's what I've heard. As a member of this community, I've often thought how some fandoms and such that I'm that apart of and enjoy could use more cardiophilia content to come out of it, like art, comics, fanfictions, etc. - fanmade content. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, the interest in certain characters from other medias being put in a cardiophilia kinda situation or something.

Just for the hell of it, I guess, I'm gonna list some medias and etc. that could use more of such treatments, generally speaking. I'll list some of my ideas and update the list on occasion, however, I'd like all of you to share your thoughts/ideas, too, which I'm more than willing to add to the list. So far I currently only have anime coming to mind, but you don't have to specifically name anime, yourselves - Other platforms and whatnot are, of course, allowed. I may add them to the list, as well as more sections for your ideas to be listed under.

Sharing why is optional.

And one more thing, in case people miss what I'm talking about: When I say 'content', I mean stuff made by fans, like fanfics, comics, art, etc., nothing official from the authors or anything like that.

Anime

Fairy Tail: Putting aside the lovable characters that are featured, among other things, there's a lot of heart-related stuff, with more or less of them being suggestions that involve the heart. Honestly, some scene have made me wonder if Hiro Mashima, FT's author, is a cardiophile.

My Hero Academia: My Hero Academia almost entirely consists of adored and well-designed characters. One character who comes to mind more than others when thinking of the need for more cardiophilia-themed stuff is Kyoka Jiro. Her Quirk, Earphone Jack, allows her to plug the jacks from her ears into surfaces to listen, but what makes Jiro stand out is her ability to utilize her heartbeat with soundwaves. Sometimes Quirks in-universe also seem to affect someone mentally, so I'm sure you can understand how surprised I am to see how little cardiophilia anything there is out there, as Jiro could be portrayed as a closet cardiophile.

The Dragon Ball franchise: You might be a bit surprised to see this listed, you're probably not interested in stething most characters. But there are some who could be put in more cardiophilia content, most notably the female characters, such as Android 18, Bulma or Android 21. My Hero is more lacking in cardiophilia content than Dragon Ball - I have seen some stories but they're either lacking in number, in varieties or both.

Video Games

Minecraft: Yep, that's right, you read it correctly. I said Minecraft. Though you're not gonna find me or really a lot of people looking up Minecraft fanfics featuring Steve x Alex or Herobrine or a popular MC YouTuber. The only things I have in mind, really, when it comes to 'Minecraft Cardiophilia' is either animations or a cardiophile mod for Minecraft - A concept which I honestly believe would be enjoyable and all around worth playing with. If there's anybody out there who's a cardiophile and knows how to make Minecraft mods, it'd be pretty damn cool if you considered the idea of making a cardiophile mod I can one day download and install.

THIS LIST WILL BE UPDATED

[notsuchacleverboyq]

This Scene Confuses Me

Since I was a child, my family enjoyed watching 007 movies (even if they used to stick more to the vintage versions of it).

So, I've never been new to this fandom nor to the general plot and everything that comes with it.

After becoming a fan on my own, my favourite 007 movies absolutely turned out to be Skyfall and Spectre.

More Skyfall, to be honest.

I was eight when it first came out, but I started questioning details (and getting obsessed over characters) only after nine years.

And it is my ability to overthinking that caused this shitty and useless post.

There are plenty of details that are worth a debate and I think that 90% of those are just how bloody lucky (and unlucky at the same time) Bond can be.

But today we'll be discussing about a specific scene, which involves Silva and 007.

What the hell is going on?!

This scene confuses me every time because I don't know what I'm supposed to get from all of the details in here.

The way Silva touches Bond, the way 007 reacts, their chat...the whole just doesn't make any sense to me.

1) Silva

Obviously, my queer brain jumped to conclusions: Silva is gay.

He does give off gay vibes, but it just seems random for a character like him to put up such a scene just for pleasure.

There must be something else.

This is the point in which I got lost under a comment section of another YouTube video.

I found out that there are three kinds of people:

Silva is gay;

Silva is trying to make Bond uncomfortable;

Both at the same time.

We've already clarified that we can agree on number 1.

What about number 2?

He has tied up Bond to a chair, he's basically undressing him and touching him in way too intimate spots, he's listing any of Bond's bad results from MI6 tests...

I think it might make sense for Silva to be doing anything he can to make 007 uncomfortable.

In that comment section, indeed, the most popular explanation was Silva hitting several weak spots at the same time, in order to open Bond like a can of tuna and leave him helpless.

Here are the things Silva tries:

He ties Bond to a chair: it's a detail that is so common in these movies that people don't even consider it. It is necessary for Silva to tie Bond, in order to prevent him from escaping; but when Silva unties him it is clear that he isn't worried about 007 at all. They're on a damn island where the only people are Silva and his men: it would be stupid to even try something on your own. It also was Silva's plan to be captured by MI6, since the beginning. Which leads to an only possible conclusion: 80% of the reasons why Bond was tied up was just to get him annoyed by it. It also connects to the following points;

Silva touching him: this is the part that made all of that confusing to my eyes. Being a former MI6 agent himself, Silva knows how double-0s work, think and act. That's they key of the whole scene. So he knew how 007 could have played it cool in any possible situation and that's why he tied him up. Double-0s can fake complicity even in the most horrible scenarios, but what if it is happening and they could do nothing about it? This was Silva's strategy: getting Bond in the position in which he can't switch from being a victim to being accomplice of it. Silva started running his fingers over 007's skin and scars, stopping on the weakest spots (such as the throat);

Silva attacking Bond's identity: it connects to point 2. This the moment in which Silva gets flirty, since I don't have a better way to call it. Someone's sexuality is part of their identity, so Silva attempts to overstep Bond's boundaries by violating both: his touch is intimate and gentle, despite the situation, his voice is soft and the gaze is too dary. But 007 quickly makes clear how he has no problem with all of that and how it isn't his "first time";

Silva attacks Bond's patriotism and loyalty to M: we well know how Silva has completely lost trust in M and it seems that, for a moment, he's trying to get Bond on his side. In my opinion, that's not completely true. At first impact, it's easy to miss it, but Silva attempts to get all of Bond's beliefs to falter. He firstly tries with M: he tells 007 about how disloyal and unfair the woman can be, reproaching him even how she has sent him on missions even after he failed all of the tests; then, Silva tries with England: he tells Bond about how the Country he still defends and believes in is already dead, fallen, and how useless it is to save it. Nothing of this works and it's misunderstood as an attempt to get 007 on the evil side, since Silva's lost trust both in England and M;

Sévérine: after all of the above didn't work, Silva is left with only one thing. We know know that Bond seduces Sévérine in Skyfall and then Silva finds out; so, he decides to put up a sadistic game to get rid of her and punish 007 at the same time. All of Silva hopes is that Bond got affectionate to the woman and he suffers as a result of the game. Eventually, Silva has to shoot Sévérine himself and Bond reacts as if he couldn't have cared less.

In conclusion, we can agree to point 2 as well.

So, yes: Silva might be gay and trying to make Bond uncomfortable at the same time.

Yet the most confusing part still needs to be discussed.

2) "What Makes You Think This Is My First Time?"

I have several questions, but the first is: what the hell does that mean?

He has already been in such a situation;

He has already slept with a man;

Let's consider the quote Silva's just said before James':

How you're trying to remember your training now.

What's the regulation to cover this?

Well, first time for everything. Yes?

Considering that Silva is trying to discard Bond's sanity, I guessed that he alludes to rape when he asks 007 what his training can do for that situation.

Double-0s are prepared to face anything and get out of it almost as nothing has happened. This might explain Silva's reference to the training.

Bond's reply suggests that he had already gone through that and could do it again if circumstances required it.

It all connects to Silva trying to make 007 uncomfortable through homosexuality.

It wouldn't be new that Bond, due to his job, has needed to seduce a man. We could expect such.

So he might fly over Silva's gender and sex.

I'm still really confused over this point and don't know what to think. But James being a rape survivor is somehow an underrated Headcanon and probable, considering his job.

If someone has different ideas and explanations they're all well accepted. Maybe we can end up to a conclusion that makes sense.

[patchun]

after many hours in UM and 1cc'ing with every character, i can finally present my card tier list! some of these rankings are based on personal preference. for instance, some tier lists have placed remilia at s tier, and i don't DISAGREE with that. it's a really good card, but i just don't enjoy it as much. so in a way, this is very much "the casual player's tier list". i will explain some things below if you're interested:

S tier

Saki is in S tier because her card is ESSENTIAL, in my opinion. The damage difference is really important for every character, and at least as far as I can tell, it doesn't drop off late-game, either. If someone informs me that it does drop off when you hit full power, i'll be removing it.

Now you may ask: why Miko? Sumireko and Piece are so good, and you just talked about how good Remilia is. Well, I like Miko because with those other cards, I tend to accidentally try to use them as death-bombs. And of course, that never works. None of the active cards function as death bombs, so that false sense of comfort does me in more times than not. For that reason, Miko's active is good for me, because if you want to use it well, you have to use it preemptively. There are cards I know I struggle with, or midboss sections like stage 4, 5 and 6 mid - that Miko can handle so long as you use it at the right time. Byakuren isn't ESSENTIAL for Miko to be good, but it makes the active a lot better and reduces cooldown. If you have Miko, Byakuren probably goes to S tier.

A tier

That said, if you can't get a Miko, Sumireko is the second best bet. Her little circle of invulnerability can come in really clutch if you can use it at the right time (or remember to use it at all LOL). Byakuren would go in S if Sanae, the definitive best character (those who say Reimu is... you're crazy, snakes are too powerful), actually needed it. But she doesn't. Sanae's bomb is already insanely strong, and she doesn't really need Byakuren's help. That said. With Byakuren she becomes even stronger. So in retrospect, I think I should have put Byakuren in S tier. It just feels good, and that's important!

Speaking of remembering to use ability cards and bombs, though... Eirin can be a real run saver. Near the end of the run, you can start getting tired. If you have a silly death that could have been prevented, you may get discouraged. In those situations, it can be easy to snowball into a defeated spiral and keep dying over and over, without even bombing! But Eirin has the power to prevent that. More experienced players may find this one useless, but if you're just trying to 1cc these games for fun, Eirin can be quite good!

Mokou is good if you can afford her for obvious reasons - but be careful not to spend too much power later on to get this card. The later stages become quite difficult when you're low on power - you can go into a loss snowball really quickly because you can't clear enemies quick enough so the screen fills with bullets. To get Mokou you kind of need to be on a positive snowball.

B tier

For B tier, the top three equipment options really depend on who you're playing and what you need. For Sanae and Reimu, I think Mini-Hakkero is really good. Based on my testing, Hakkero is better than Needle and Missile, so in comparison, the other two are probably not worth it.

Sakuya B has in my experience been a GREAT card for both Marisa and Sakuya. The knives can be hard to aim, but they seem to do quite a bit of damage, so they really help to make up for the lack of range on both Sakuya and Marisa. Honestly though, I think they'd be fine on anyone. I haven't seen anyone talking about them but... yeah, they're underrated. Another thing is: they feel good.

Then, yin-yang orbs - I just think these are nice to have. They're better than snakes as equipment primarily because they can hit behind you, but I also think they have more consistent dps. Snakes miss a lot more often, which isn't really a big deal when you're Sanae who has 4 snake outlets, but it is a big deal when there's only one snake.

Alice doll - I'm pretty sure this is good. It moves quickly, homes in on stuff, can hit behind you, increases DPS, isn't too expensive. I like to take this when I see it.

Then, lives. Lives being only 80 money can be a big deal. In quite a few of my runs, I've taken lives 3/5 stages because I was just not very lucky with card selection, but I still managed. Lives are very strong if you can manage to not waste them and remember to use bombs.

Yachie's card is good if you can get it early - it wouldn't be in B tier except it's very, very cheap. Only 140 iirc. Now, the UFO... why did I choose that as my best bullet eraser? You may say: patchun, you've said in the past that Okina is really good for erasing bullets! And yes, you're right, you're right - but Okina is really only consistently useful for that one Chimata card, and once you learn that card, it's not very difficult to avoid. Plus, UFO can help with that card too! UFO doesn't give a fuck what it touches, it will erase it. It doesn't have a cooldown as far as I can tell, so it just erases everything in a circle around you constantly. I rank it this high up because UFO saved my ass MANY, many times against Misumaru, who is in my opinion the toughest boss in the game. UFO can destroy yin-yang orbs, so it makes several of her patterns a lot easier. Not even Sumireko can destroy yin-yang orbs. If you happen to see UFO and nothing else, and if you don't think you'll be distracted by it, try it out.

Few more comments

I think Sanae Frog is good on Marisa and Sakuya. Not better than the equipment cards in A tier, but good if you see it. I think anything that helps with Marisa and Sakuya's horrible range is great for them.

I've seen Sannyo card ranked pretty highly, and maybe if you get it early on it is, but I don't feel like it's worth a place in your starting deck, personally.

Mamizou can be good if you've already snowballed as a way to prevent a downfall. But I don't think she's worth picking up early at all. And Keiki's bullet erasing is good, but I found it often erased something I didn't need it to erase just to fail at erasing what I did need it to erase. Probably better than nothing, but far from a must-have, and the no-CD on the UFO and backdoor having very little CD makes them stand out for erasure.

I've heard good things about Aya, as well, but I personally never take my hand off the shoot key. Yuyuko's card may save you in a miracle situation but it's just very unlikely, honestly might be more startling than helpful. You generally know when you're about to die, so when you suddenly don't, it's like... your brain hasn't processed correctly, so you probably just die soon after. Sakuya left-right knives suck. Don't use them lol.

And finally, Utsuho is such a funny card. But... power is such an important resource in this game, with how snowball-y it is, that I could never justify using Utsuho on a serious attempt. I'd love to see some Utsuho challenge runs though.

[samtheflamingomain]

25.21%

I've been sober for 3 months today. 92 days. 25.21% of 2021.

I could've posted more updates, more milestones (it took a LOT not to post on Day 69) but I wanted to kind of save it up for a Big Day. It was also a decent way to continue to incentivize my continued sobriety: a full pass to do a shameless, hardcore bragging sesh.

Anyway, this post comes in 2 parts: the TL;DR for those who only want the gist, then more in depth on my ability to stay sober, the lasting effects of rehab, etc.

I tried my damnedest to pare this absolute novel down, but it's long, so feel free to dip out if you just get bored. Onward!

TL;DR: I went to rehab the beginning of July for 3 weeks and haven't had a drop of alcohol since. I've lost weight, I'm more healthy, my daily anxiety level went from 8 to 2, I haven't had an anxiety attack in 3 months, and everything generally just seems... easier. My memory and concentration have improved. I've been productive and I've been meditating every day. I'm saving money, and while I sometimes fantasize about getting drunk, that's usually all it is.

Honestly, it's been much easier than I expected, but I think a lot of that is because for the first 3 weeks, the time in which I would usually break down and start drinking again when trying to get sober myself, was spent behind a locked door. So far I haven't had any days where I was close to giving in. I haven't had many days where I've been depressed about it, missing it or really tempted. Maybe 3-4. I've basically just gotten on with my life as if alcohol doesn't exist.

To wrap up the short version for those ready to peace out, I'll leave it with a bit of advice.

I don't feel qualified to give any specific advice, because my story feels very unique to me, and I honestly don't think what worked for me will work for MOST people. Sometimes people spend a year in rehab and still drive straight to the liquor store on their way home.

That said, there's one thing that I've found pretty universally true: you have to really want it. For a while, I floated about without much of a "reason" to stay sober. I don't have a spouse, kids or a job I've been fired from, so I didn't see the point.

It's taken me a while, but after not being "convinced" by a few superficial "reasons" like weight loss and saving money, I thought I needed something more... permanent? Consequential? I now realize that my "reason" for getting sober at a young age after only a few years of alcoholism is that I don't want it to get to a point where I'm hurting other people, drinking myself into multiple lasting health problems... I don't want it to become permanent or consequential.

Anyway, that's my two cents. If you do have something like kids or trouble keeping a job, definitely use that as your reason. But for anyone who's a pretty "functional" alcoholic like I was, "not letting it go on long enough to become disfunctional" is a good enough reason.

This is going to get stupid long, so feel free to walk away now, just glad you read this much and it really does mean the world when people listen to what I have to say.

Now some more things in depth. I'll go in chronological order: what made me get sober, what I took from rehab (and what I left), and how it's been the past few months.

I started drinking when I got kicked out, manic out of my mind and homeless unable to sleep. It took a while until I was able to sleep without alcohol, but by then the addict brain had taken over. I'd tried a few times to get sober myself, but I never made it more than a week without, and always got back to daily drinking after a few months maximum.

Some people need a "wake up call", a "last straw" or a "rock bottom". Something external to make them realize they can't go on as they are. For me, the catalyst was my health, which is more of an internal reason I suppose. I didn't have a heart attack or liver failure, but my anxiety was getting uncontrollable and I knew it was directly tied to my drinking.

My life had been starting to feel tolerable, and I was more financially secure than ever before. Things were looking up... except for the alcoholism. This is a weird analogy but the only one that makes sense to express why, if I was doing so well on paper, I decided to go to rehab: you have to sweep before you mop. If I hadn't been in the place I was, I don't think I would've been successful at rehab. I had to sweep up the cat turds from the floor of my life before I was able to mop up the shit stains with sobriety. I know, I'm a true wordsmith.

When I finally called the hotline that hooked me up with a bunch of different rehabs, I knew I was in for a wait. It was about 5 months from that call to checking in, which isn't too bad considering I've been on the waitlist for a neuropsychiatrist in ALL OF CANADA for 4 years.

That brings us to July 12th, Rehab Day One. I've gone in depth in multiple other posts but to touch on it briefly, if I had to describe my experience in a sentence I'd say "the place I went to got very lucky with me".

What this means is that, of the 5 people in my group, I think this exact program was only ever going to help me. At the same time, I didn't even know what I would need, but this exact program was 90% of it. I didn't think 3 weeks would be long enough, but for me it was. The hours-long, repetitive, basic-ass CBT groups held 5 times a day 7 days a week was absolute torture for everyone but myself. While it was a drag to spend an hour on defining what a cognitive distortion is, the routine and repetition, something I've never gotten out of any outpatient program, helped me to really absorb the information and let it rewire my brain.

I've always said that I'm someone who should be spending an hour a day with a therapist for the rest of my life, and while that's not even remotely feasible, this was as close as it's ever gotten, and it proved me right, because it worked. I've done biweekly therapy for a short time but even that didn't come close to the way my brain changed in those 3 short weeks.

This program required absolute commitment and open-mindedness. This isn't because it was hard work or difficult concepts, but quite the opposite. While I hate the entire concept of art therapy being used as a cure-all for mental illness, I willingly got out of my bed, went downstairs and tried doing a dot mandala for an hour because I'm willing to try anything to get better. A lot of people might think they are, but really aren't. To use the mandala as an example, one guy was really into it, I wasn't, but we both finished. The other 3 tried, messed up a few times, and then scrolled through their phones. When I say this program necessitates complete engagement, that's not a compliment. It shouldn't be a chore to engage with the program. It shouldn't take me actively saying "I know I've known this basic concept since 4th grade, but maybe hearing it again will help" to get something out of a rehab program. So again, in every way, I got lucky, and so did they.

Before I finish with the rehab section, having had a few months to reflect on the whole thing, I now have an endless list of things wrong with it. I arrived, greeted by the most jaded and disillusioned of staff, and quickly became disturbed and at points concerned with just how negligent the staff are.

Maybe it's because I've been on the psych ward where they won't even let you have shoelaces and shine a flashlight on your face every half hour through the night, but it could've been so incredibly easy to sneak in alcohol. I brought 2 full water bottles, fully expecting to have to dump them out upon arrival, but they said "nah it's fine". Is it though?

Then there were actual counsellors there who were... okay. I recall one, the one I thought was the smartest, reading a handout aloud and coming across the word "delve" as in "let's delve into..." and stumbled, then said she doesn't know that word. The room was silent. As she pulled up Google on the screen I said, "it means to dive into it". She Googled it anyway. Synonyms include "dive in". If that was the only example I wouldn't mention it, but this was the first of at least 10 words she had do Google, none past a 10th grade level, from HER OWN MATERIAL. From that point on it became clear that they had no fucking idea what they were doing.

We had one last one-on-one counselling session before we left and the counsellor just filled in boxes to questions on her computer, rephrasing everything I said to fit into the buzzwords and "lessons" we'd "learned". Example. Me: I do think I'm better able to catch myself thinking 'oh I can just have one drink' and say 'no I can't'." Her: "Okay, so would you say that you can recognize negative cognitive distortions like permission-giving thoughts and counter them with a more rational and less emotional mind?" Like girl, blink twice if your boss is holding your family hostage. She gave me some papers, detailing all the online courses they were signing me up for and options for more treatment they'd be sending me, a phone number to call and a phone appointment for the next Monday. I never got that call, the phone number is a hotline, I never got a single email from them, and given how shitty they really are at their jobs, I didn't feel the inclination to try and get those resources. If they even exist in the first place.

In summation, it was a place where it was physically impossible to get alcohol. That's really all I can say in its favor. Oh, and they let you have your cell phone.

Now on our timeline I'm back home. I want to kind of analyze why it's been easy for me.

I often said that my main goal of going to rehab was to lock me away from alcohol long enough for it to reset my brain. Most people thought that was naïve, but that's exactly what happened. But I'm well aware that my experience of "instantly became sober and literally hasn't had a single hard day in 3 months" is absurdly unusual.

I put this down to a few things. Firstly, I'm on seven different meds for my mental health. Almost all of them have their effects dulled or even eliminated when you drink. So when I noticed my mood, fatigue, memory, concentration etc all getting better at once - right about as I left rehab, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that all those meds started working properly.

Secondly, I've been keeping myself busy, but that's something I've always been good at. Now I specifically choose to undertake projects that will eat up a lot my time and put me in a state of flow. I recently made an entire card game from scratch, and let me tell you, I didn't think of alcohol for a week.

Thirdly, my other goals now get in the way of alcohol. I'm getting old and my body is deteriorating. But I've always wanted to do just one last season of gymnastics. Well, I need to lose weight for that to happen. I've already lost 35 pounds, and after another 20 I'll be ready to go. Also, I used to spend more on alcohol per month than rent. Even though I've done a few shopping sprees lately, I haven't come remotely close to how much I was spending before.

I want it more than anything. I want to be sober more than I want one night of "fun" that will more likely than not lead me back to where I was a year ago. I never want to need anything as much as I needed alcohol.

Lastly, just a few more random thoughts.

A lot of people, myself included, worried about the fact that I work at a bar as a cook, but honestly the entire time I'm there I'm thinking about food, not alcohol. If I'm hanging out with some regulars before/after, I can watch them drink and be perfectly fine with my coffee, because the coffee is $2, and I used to spend $20 after every work shift.

I also decided in rehab to start taking better care of myself as best I could. This started with getting my second vax which I'd been putting off, then an eye appointment, then new glasses, then a dentist appointment where I was informed I need to do $3000 worth of work on my implant that's erroding my bone matter, so that sucks, but I caught it early. I've also been meditating every day. In just 3 months, I've made pretty big improvements to my self-care and my daily routine.

One of my fears about sobriety was "missing out" on "having fun". A few days ago, all my housemates got together to play Mario Party, and it was kind of my first night doing something social while sober. It was a breath of fresh air - I wasn't constantly running to piss, I didn't worry about running out of alcohol, I didn't get sloppy and obnoxious as I can sometimes do. I even came very very close to winning my first game of MP. When I reflected on the night, I realized that, if I'd been getting drunk the whole time, I would've sucked at the minigames, been a hindrance to anyone unfortunate enough to be teamed with me, and likely would've stopped caring about the game itself after the first few turns.

Yesterday I was making my 4th pot of coffee of the day when I realized there was a full glass of wine just sitting on the counter. I had absolutely no idea where the hell it came from - nobody in my house drinks wine. I shrugged and poured that sweet sweet bean juice. It was only when I sat down and took a sip of coffee did I find myself thinking automatically, "this tastes so much better than wine". I only realized then that it had been rose wine, the only kind I've ever been able to tolerate. It was the ultimate moment of possible temptation, and the thought of just chugging that glass - as I may've done in the past - didn't even cross my mind.

I'm so glad to be where I am. I'm about to undergo some serious financial changes - i.e. going absolutely broke - but drinking isn't gonna help that, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

[calebbrewster]

Hey! I love your blog ♡ I'm glad there are still active TURN blogs around. On that note, I've been trying to find more ppl to follow to get a bit more of it on my dash, but I get the feeling most of my follows are to mostly dead blogs? Would you recommend me one or two that still post about it? (As many as you can tbh). Thank you and happy holidays! (♡ your header's lovely btw). P.S: How do you feel about Caleb Brewster?

thank you so much! 

of course, here’s a quick list of some blogs i know of that post TURN on a pretty regular basis:

@francishollahyde@unshaven-insane@ragtags@townhulls@revolutionarytea@americantoinette@continentalblue@baguetteems@postsfrom1776@princesspatria (tumblr won’t let me actually tag her for some reason)@1hamandjam1@schoop-de-doop@bucephalussays@historicalhuman@general-wheeee@hiddensidekick

(to all turn fans who see this: help out and REBLOG/LIKE THIS if you post about turn:ws!!)

about Caleb Brewster, I’m so glad you asked, but i’m going to put it under the cut because this could get long (also, spoilers)

GOD i love this chaotic bastard angel of a man. he’s wild, he’s funny, a ball of pure energy. he’s so off-the-wall insane but he’s also a rock. he’s the anchor to our little core four of characters. he’s Ben’s conscience and companion, Abe’s voice of reason and sometimes the fire under him, he’s Anna’s safe space. He cares for them, protects them, keeps them sane.

somewhere in a book on the Culper ring it talks about Caleb kinda being “in it” for the fun of it rather than purely for “the cause” and I thought that was really interesting because Caleb is portrayed in a similar light in the show - he is shown to hate the redcoats and have disgust for tories but it’s usually more on the behalf of the people he loves, not so much a personal dislike. he hates Simcoe for Abe and Anna in the beginning (and hits him when he teases Ben). but I’ve always gotten the feeling that it’s his loyalty to the people he loves that drives him more than a general sense of injustice (which is what drives Ben and Anna- is this making any sense? who knows).

speaking of loyalty, let’s talk about that! Caleb is the most ride or die bitch you will ever find (apart from Mary, i think that’s what makes them understand each other so well). in one of the deleted s1 scenes, Caleb and Ben talk about Caleb leaving the army after the new year because his bounty will be up. buT THEN DING DONG, BEN IS IN DANGER and so Caleb, of course, stays and I get the feeling he wouldn’t have really left in the first place. Caleb’s loyalty fuels him to heights and limits the other characters shy away from and it makes him invaluable to the cause.

another thing: I have rarely heard a male character admit his wrongs and apologize as consistently as Caleb. when he makes the wrong decision or fucks up, he admits to it and attempts to make it right (even when he’s not really in the wrong!!! example: ALL OF SEASON FOUR THE FUCK). He apologizes to Anna when he insults her ability and calls spying “men’s work,” he tells Ben that he understands that Ben is dealing with more than he [Caleb] has to after the fight with Bradford, and when confronted by Robert, he apologizes and takes full responsibility for what happened to Samuel Townsend. this boy is by no means perfect but he knows that and attempts to be better after his mistakes and i love him for it!!!

and dANIEL HENSHALL can we talk about the incredible work that man put into this show. he’s the lovable madman for 3 seasons and then suddenly there’s a PTSD storyline and Dan just blended it in there in a way that felt real and believable. he made it hurt when Caleb wasn’t his usual sunshiny self (which we got a preview of in 1x10 when Caleb’s uncle is killed - heartbreaking scene), he made it hit home when Caleb sits against the tree and screams about how Simcoe has won. and theN 4x08 when Caleb nods to Ben like, “I’m going to do this and I’m going to be okay,” our hearts burst with happiness and relief because even though he’s never going to be the same he’s still Caleb fucking Brewster and we love him. I love him.

misc other things i love: this man’s smile!!!!!!! fucks me up. it’s like sunshine. his clothes: iconic. that BEARD: ICONIC. his eyes are so pretty. the adorable way he holds that huge ass tea cup and shakes his head when Mary asks if he wants sugar. the way he flirts with literally everyone. how he tells Robert he loves him after getting sucker punched. I CO NI C.

I feel like this is all jumbled and very badly summarized but that’s the jist of it? I could do another section on how much he loves Ben but that would get really shippy and long (longer than this already is jesus)

tl;dr Caleb is baby

[rueitae]

Hi, I'm the same person who asked about angst. XD I guess the kind of fics I enjoy the most are ones that have "kidnapping/rescue" angst. There are already hundreds of these with Lance, but I'm looking for more of these kinds of fics that feature Pidge as the one in distress. Maybe I've already read all of them, I dunno, but I was hoping maybe you could give me something new to be invested in. Thank you for responding and helping me out.

Sorry for the late response. Your question inspired me to dig deep into Ao3 to see if I could find even more of these than what I’d already bookmarked. I’m still only halfway through the Pidge tag (excluding as many irrelevant ships as I could) so this is by no means complete, but I hope you’ll find something you might not have read yet!

This is a list of fics in which Pidge is in peril. I’ve sorted them by romantic and platonic as well as a few that you’ll have to be mindful of the tags for at the very end. To narrow the focus a bit, I tried to make sure Pidge was the main or one of the main POV. This isn’t an all encompassing list. I’m sure there are some I’m missing. (If i’m missing one of your favs please tell me because I want to read it, I also just might have had a brain fart about it because I’ve been staring at the computer screen for too long)

With any rec list, I encourage you to leave a thoughtful comment for the writers if you enjoyed it! I know from experience they would be over the moon about it, and it encourages the creative process for all of us. If I know their tumblr, I’ve provided that as well! (i’m so sorry if I missed someone)

Full list under the cut.

Gen Fic (no romantic ships)

The Times They Remembered Pidge Was A Girl: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10876368

Most of the chapters are separate stories, but one of the first ones includes some captured Pidge.

Each a Perfect Porcelain Doll: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12114117

The entire premise is Pidge needing to pretend to be Allura for a night. Needless to say, the kidnappers get the wrong person.

The Smallest of These: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11476389/chapters/25734882

Pidge is the target of a number of assassinations and kidnappings, of which her Paladin family takes the hit for her. It culminates in BAMF Pidge doing the saving in return. Really cool storytelling stuff with the POV.

Triumph or Death: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12123813

A Haxus survives the fall fic, and the repercussions.

Loss of Green: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162199/chapters/32643132

A what if Lance didn’t wake from the coma to shoot Sendak.

The Cost of Winning: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13975314

Pidge and Lance must protect each other in the Galra arena. This and the next three (and another towards the end) are courtesy of @icypantherwrites

Inches from Death: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16789768

Both are captured, Lance is dying.

Once More Time, With Feeling: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625668/chapters/37457147

Alone, captured, shock collar.

Rubbed Raw: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625668/chapters/38547500

Pidge reflects on her capture and rescue. Muzzle

Strength of the Small: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9102247

They all get captured but its Pidge centric and she has to earn their freedom.

Take Me Away: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018982/chapters/32285463

Pidge bonds with Green while in captivity.

Deep Dark Sea: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17780633

Pidge torture plus rescue. Waterboarding, canon verse. This and the next are thanks to @bearly-writing

Reach for the Sky: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18760165

Standing cuffs, canon verse.

Hold a Grudge: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19788481

Pidge faces the bounty hunter after her brother with the other watching helplessly.

Caged: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18866572

Trapped in a room, psychological

Waiting: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18499240

Feet smashed

Leave them all alone: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16972431

Sendak revenge, team watches. Begging, amputation

Kidnapped: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17072084

Tied to a chair

You belong to me now: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17083700

Haggar tortures Pidge

Shopping for Disaster: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13164879

Pidge and Allura teamup! A shopping trip turns into a mission fic. First of many from @sp4c3-0ddity (including the first several in the plance section)

Loose Thread: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923749

Can only move eyes, fantasy AU

Romantic Plance

Say the word, i’m yours: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18910828

Fantasy au, Pidge and Lance are on opposite sides of a conflict. Childhood friends trope too.

Another vampire romance: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18324023

Pidge is surrounded by vampires. One of them is Lance

The mercenary and the witch: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18263786

Fantasy au, Lance is undercover with Sendak’s mercenaries when Pidge is captured. 

Burial rites: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18080018

Assassin au, Pidge is caught. 

Seize your happy ending: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17575022

Reads like a fairy tale. Lance seeks to free Pidge after befriending her as children as he learns about her situation. 

Dueling Hearts: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16760344

Canon verse. Pidge catches the attention of a local ruler in talks to join the Coalition. 

Tidal Lockdown: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14801036

Canon verse mission fic gone wrong. 

Fakeout: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13558341

Canon verse. A diplomacy mission goes south quick when Lance and Pidge overhear something they shouldn’t. (and its a good thing they do)

Connections: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686142

An Altean Pidge AU! Begins with her being captured and eventual meet up with the team. By @canadiantardis

The Fall: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16114103

A star wars AU! Jedi Knights Pidge and Lance are expected when they infiltrate Lotor’s ship…

All i love so dearly: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15715107

Pidge turns up suddenly after being missing for two weeks and she has no memory of what happened to her. She finds out she’s pregnant. First fic of the series is putting together the pieces of what happened and the second is some additional emotional healing. By @deadlydeviant

Defenders of Aurita: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15169268

Monsters and Mana. Dragons. Lots of whump. Plenty of scenes of duress. by @anchoredtetherart

The Cat and His Rat: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19871425

Monsters and Mana verse! Meklavar finds herself in a very bad spot right off the bat. By @starsonthursday

Where Sapphire Roses Grow: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19701508

You’ll want to keep an eye on this one since it’s a Beauty and the Beast AU.

The Boy Who waited: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19948924

A Doctor Who AU in which Pidge and Lance have Amy and Rory’s roles. By @cgf-kat

Harvest in Fire: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17806424

Whipping, s7 ish. 

Worth It: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15808878

An extension of the ‘Don’t you touch her’ scene.

Colors: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17966018

Everyone is in trouble, Pidge centric. Everyone has different powers/abilities that the government is trying to keep in check. The group is on the run to stay free. By @mistyhollowpro

Stronger with you: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17588981

mafia/assassin au. Directly after Lance saves Pidge, deals with tending her wounds and also trying to mend their emotional bond after being apart for a while. By @alwaysinsonder

Other Ships

The Boxer: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12309138

Lance only makes a cameo appearance (Hunk gets to be the main Paladin support friend) and the pairing itself is different shades of Lotor/Pidge. Starts with Pidge’s capture and there’s some great mind games going on. Enemies to reluctant partners to maybe friends to something that they don’t really define. Some great BAMF Pidge action and excellent story. Kind of related is their Space Mall shenanigans story:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12308814

feels like one of those classic cartoon chases and is also an excellent read, as are the other two one shots.

Mind the Tags

Kairos: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17914550/chapters/42296588

Pidge has been missing for six years when the Paladins find her again… with a kid. Mind the tags for the implications.

Trapped: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20219836

Momentarily caught during a mission, healing after. Mind tags. 

Remorse is a Dish Best Served Never: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14484018

The most recent one I’ve read! Mind the tags for this one and read the chapter one summary for additional information. Warnings are always given at the start of each chapter. Haxus and Sendak are successful and take Pidge, Lance, and Shiro to central command… where they spend the next three or so years. Every time you think its getting better for Pidge it gets ten times worse for her. 

Finding the Light: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1417435

Mind the tags. Post sexual assault recovery

[themagiciansreccenter]

The Great Blank Spot @ohmarqueliot​

So much goes into creating fanfiction even before the first words hit the paper. And in-depth spotlight on our writers and the process behind their work.

Tell us about your current project.

I’m currently working on my fic for The 39 Graves Project, for which I was allocated Timeline 24, which I've tentatively titled "All For One". The stipulations I was given related to Penny and the Library, so I’ve chosen to focus on Penny, Julia and Quentin as my main characters. In my timeline, I decided to have Penny grow up side by side with Quentin and Julia, and exploring how that change alters the events of season one has been an interesting exercise.

What is your current word count?

I’m just under 35k so far.

Do you try to write daily? Do you have word count or other goals you try to hit for each writing session?

Ideally I try to write daily, but the last few weeks have been a bit of a mess for me between work and real life responsibilities. I’m hoping to get back into the swing of it now. My word count per session tends to vary quite a bit depending on which characters I’m writing and what type of scene it is, and since this fic is focused on characters that I haven’t written as much, I’m trying to be more flexible with my expectations on word counts.

What was the inspiration for this fic?

This project is a different scenario for me, because I was initially led by the stipulations I was given. Since my stipulation was Penny-centric I worked backwards from that in order to give Penny the motivations he needed to get to that scene, and once I realised what those motivations were I had my set up for the timeline.

Did this fic require any research? How much research do you typically do for you fics?

Mostly just a hell of a lot of rewatching season one. Lately I’ve been focusing on Penny’s scenes with Victoria, but I’ve also spent a bit of time going over the niffin details. I also did a bit of research at the start about how the foster system works for how Penny ends up in New York.

How do you stay motivated between chapters/stories?

In what is a big surprise to me, I’ve actually stayed pretty motivated on my own so far! The support of the other people in The 39 Graves discord as well as the other mods has definitely helped.

Do you typically write ahead or post as you go?

Usually I post as I go because I crave validation that what I’m doing doesn’t suck, so I was expecting to struggle without feedback along the way. Somehow, though, I’m still powering through it and enjoying what I’m writing, which has actually increased my confidence in my ability to write without constant feedback.

How much planning and outlining did you do before you started putting words on paper?

I planned out the whole thing before I started writing. My outline has grown as I’ve fleshed things out, but I think it was originally about 2k words. Some chapter notes were just a brief mention of what was going to happen, others were listed in more specific detail, but I knew what I wanted from every scene before I started writing.

Has it been pretty smooth sailing or rough waters? When things get rocky, how do you handle needing to rewrite sections or scrap scenes entirely?

Mostly it’s been smooth sailing. I’ve mostly managed to stick with what I wanted to write and haven’t had to scrap anything entirely so far, although I’ve had to rework a few things when I realised canon things I still had to include but had forgotten about.

Excerpt

“If we’re bothering you so much, we can go,” she said, holding her free hand over her heart to show him just how sorry she was for having fun her own way. She leaned forward, tapping Quentin’s arm before making to rise from the couch. “Come on, Q, we better go brood somewhere else.”

“No – no, don’t, hmm,” Quentin said, stumbling over his words as he held his hand up to get her to stop getting up. Penny snorted on Julia’s other side. “We’re fine. This is a great party,” he added to Eliot. Julia tried to not roll her eyes.

“Of course it’s a great party,” Eliot said lightly. “We don’t throw sub-par parties.” His eyes never left Julia, watching her consideringly, and after a few seconds his lips stretched into a delighted smile. She wasn’t sure what he’d seen in her, and didn’t know if that smile was a good thing or not. That only sought to irritate her further. “Have fun, brooders,” he said, tucking the tray under his arm and waggling his fingers at them before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

“So he’s modest,” Penny said dryly.

The Great Blank Spot is an in-depth spotlight focusing on the writing process and previewing in-progress fics for our fandom. It is meant to be an organic, ever-evolving feature. Previously interviewed fic writers can reach out to us here, to have a specific work featured. If you’d like to have a work featured but haven’t done the author spotlight, reach out to us to get started. If you have suggestions for questions you’d like to see answered, shoot us an ask!

[zombiiesque]

(photo: Clearwater, Florida)

NA Mood Lifting Scents

Originally published 2/11/2018

Hey y'all! I've actually been working on this idea for a while, and it's a little unusual, but I figured I can't be the only one who goes through struggles, and so for this I've asked for a few contributions from my fellow Nocturne Alchemy fans in the House of Nocturne Alchemy Tent (also affectionately known as the Tent, and my family!). I want to say straight away, I'm not a doctor of any kind, and I'm not here to tell you what will definitively make you feel better, but merely make some suggestions for you to try, if you struggle with similar issues. Also, I offer big, gentle, e-hugs.

I struggle. I struggle a lot with mental issues - they even keep me from writing, which is my joy, truly. Y'all probably noticed it took me quite a while to get back to this blog after dear Laura passed. And it wasn't just that, although I did have a hard time moving past it, and I'm still not fully over it. I miss her dearly. But shortly after that, I started spiraling into a rather deep depression, which combined with my anxiety and PTSD, and all the junk life was throwing at me, seemed to go on for quite a while. I'm slowly climbing my way out of the pit now, but it's not easy.

And honestly, when I'm struggling with these issues, there's not much that gives me ease. Scent is truly one of those things, and for me, music. It gives me the ability to take some deep breaths and get out of my own head, and tell myself, I'm OKAY. It's going to be okay.

So, all that said, I thought I might offer up some ideas, and I asked others what soothes them.

The biggest point to make, though, I think, is that scent, and what makes us feel better in scent, is intensely personal, and varies so widely from person to person. My aromatherapist friend, Rain, says that a lot of folks associate pine with Christmas (or Yule), and for her pine is death - she's literally severely allergic to it, and so for her Christmas is scotch tape and paper and MINT. So that's a great example of how personal scent actually is. Therefore, I'm going to reiterate that these are merely suggestions.

Now that I've beleaguered that point, I'll give you a list of notes that I love and then some particular suggestions, both from me, and my NA Tent family!

What started all of this, for me, was in the fall of 2015, Nocturne Alchemy had their Halloween Part 1 release, and sent out samples of Bastet Halloween 2016. This was actually part of the permanent catalogue (PC), at that time in the VA section under the All Hallows' Eve heading. Every year they put out a Halloween perfume in the PC for the following year, so it's always available, and that year they put out a matching pair, so both Bastet and Anubis were released, and the sample I got was instantly loved, and upgraded to a full bottle. It's become such a comfort scent to me, and has pulled me through some very dark days. I realized that I found myself reaching for it constantly when I was at my lowest points.

Notes that I really love when I'm down or anxious are sandalwood, frankincense, copal. So resins, they feel like a nice warm hug. I find the NA oudh absolutely sublime for this, too. And there's something very comforting about Nocturne Alchemy's ambers, too. That kind of falls in between two categories for me, as I also like fresh, clean scents, or herbal scents, and the ambers can be very fresh, and also resinous. I love sage, chamomile, patchouli, citrus, and occasionally lavender from the fresh/herbal/medicinal/clean category. Citrus can be such an uplifting note (or notes!) when you need your day brightened. I also find NA nag champa,or incense heavy blends, soothing.

But a lot of times it's sort of a gut instinct/strong scent memory that makes you feel like you're wearing scent armor. Rain mentioned that she loves her Eternal Ankh Anniversary during such times.

So a little list of possible scent suggestions.

From the SLs, Hessonite, Ember, Santal Ombre, Patchouli Ombre, Santalum, Pyramid Santalum, Frankincense Ombre, and even the new Oud Ombre. Eternal Ankh Anniversary, Eternal Egypt Anniversary are others to consider, if you find vanillas to be your "blanket" you might like Crystal, Crystalline, Kobalt, etcetera from that line. I really love the OP line, it gives me a boost of confidence and the incense is incredibly settling for me, particularly OP Baba, because of the nag champa and black musk - musks are a power scent type for me. I forgot to mention I like myrrh also as a comforting resin, so definitely Myrrh Ombre, one of my first purchases!

From the PCs, I cannot recommend the OM NAs enough. Temple NA, Eternity, and Balance in particular, although I should really try Khet, as it sounds lovely. Gabriel from the 7 section has both frankincense and myrrh. I like to layer Raphael, as I find it clean and fresh, with Santalum. The Royal Amber section is a veritable treasure trove of comfort scents, particularly Bastet Amber, Sekhmet Amber, Thoth Amber, Temple Amber, and Sky Amber. I'm wanting to add Priestess Amber to my collection, as all of the sandalwoods and amber sound like an amazing combination and I've been lucky enough to smell Rain's bottle and fallen in love. I have a full bottle of Black Frankincense from the Desecrated Tomb section that I find absolutely heavenly, and it layers well with so many SLs - and the Prehistoric collection, too, for that matter, but that's for my LC suggestion list. There's also a veritable treasure trove in the Eternals, but I will say for me the biggest one is Eternal Egypt. It's become just such a signature scent for me. I

Another set of oils to consider are the NA Purpose Oils, which can be found offsite at The Blackest Rose. I have Protection, and I find it absolutely fantastic, but I really want to get Strength and Guidance.

Now, there's also several LC (limited, seasonal collections) perfumes that I absolutely adore for these purposes, which have been occasionally brought back as Resurgence, but you could put out an "ISO" (in search of) in the NAVA Marketplace or Indie Perfume Lovers groups on Facebook. For me Horus Haven 2 is a warm hug of a scent. I also really love Polter-Guests, it's got that herbal/clean thing going on. And I always, always reach for my Holiday Egyptian Frankincense for layering. There's a whole treasure trove in the Prehistorics, Pteranodon is fantastic for adding sandalwood to any perfume, and of course I love Cryolophosaurus for the patch and amber. Camarasaurus from last year has become a huge favorite of mine, because copal just makes me feel like myself again. I'm going to go ahead and mention NA oudh, the Icons. I find their oudh to be so gloriously beautiful, and the ones I own are Egyptian Temple Oudh, Labyrinth, and of course my beloved Copal Oudh. Phantasm Kiss from the 2016 Halloween release is so good, I bought 2 bottles of it, and I wear it alone and layered with other perfumes to boost my spirits. There was a series of Dream Bottles that came out with the winter collection the year I started collecting NA, and it taught me that I could, indeed, wear and love lavender, so I'll mention the Blue Egypt and Dead Can Sleep Dream Bottles. There was a sandalwood as well, which I totally regret not nabbing! But although those were pretty exclusive and hard to find, you can still find the original Dead Can Sleep and Blue Egypt in the PC section.

I'm going to close this by giving you various suggestions from my Tent family. But I also wrote and asked if the NA crew had any suggestions for you, and Freja said she would recommend OM NA: Balance, Crystalline, and the Purpose Oil: Inner Love (which is also one of my friend Rain's favorites!). Suggestions from fans include Lavender Santalum, Pink Grapefruit Frankincense, Moonstone, Holiday Egyptian Sandalwood, Myrrh and White Amber from the LC Holiday 2017 Collection, OP Set (huuuuge fan of OP Set so I second this motion!), Santalum, OM NA Eternity, Orange and Sandalwood Vanilla which is an LC Holiday scent and SO comforting!...from my lovely friend Heather - Santal Ombre, Ember, Pteranodon, Protection, Speaking with Spirits! So, some great suggestions there, and definitely worth hunting down, I particularly had forgotten about Speaking With Spirits, and would add from that same LC Halloween 2017 collection, when I'm really struggling with sleeping, Sleep Elixir is absolutely divine. I can't wear it without falling asleep in minutes.

So, really there's a wide range of possibilities here, but just know, whatever makes you feel most comforted in a scent will really help you when you feel down. I forgot something that I should have mentioned, I also like peppermint for uplifting, and two LCs I absolutely adore are Victorian Candy Cane Crystalline and Bastet's Pink Snow. I'll close with a quote from the Eagles:

I wish you peace when times are hard

A light to guide you through the dark

And when storms are high and your, your dreams are low

I wish you the strength to let love grow,

Oh I wish you the strength to let love flow.