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luminouslywriting · 7 months ago

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Previous domestic anon - I'm baaaaaack. I love, love, love your take on domestic Gale! If you have the time and inspiration, would you be interested in expanding on pregnancy/parenting/Dad Gale hcs as well? Your writing is amazing, thank you for taking the time to share it!

Ahh this is such a cute idea!! I can definitely try my hand at this haha 🥰🤍 I’m loving these asks so keep sending them in!! Admittedly, this one was slightly angsty at the beginning haha! Pregnancy thoughts below the cut!

-I think that initially before pregnancy is even a thought on the table, Gale is above all things a man who is nervous and unsure about having kids because of his own father and some of the neglect and abuse that he endured. That definitely plays a part in his insecurities and doesn’t really know what a father is supposed to be anyway—but that doesn’t mean he’s not willing to try.

-I think communication, especially where he has a hard time expressing deep feelings and emotions, is going to be a process and he is going to need you to be patient with him.

-now if things are less abstract in the sense of you already being pregnant, I think he needs to take some time to think things through and gather his thoughts and figure out how to be supportive to you while also addressing his own fears and worries.

-He definitely cries when you tell him that you’re pregnant. There’s not a lot of words beyond “I love you” but he’s still unsure about a lot of things. -But once that is out of the way, this man is the softest, sweetest, gentlest man when it comes to you being pregnant and that little baby. -I absolutely picture him as the type of guy to immediately start talking to the baby at nighttime when you’re asleep. It doubles as a coping mechanism for him and a way for him to express himself and figure out how he’s feeling.

-He has sooooo many dreams and hopes for this little baby and he’s constantly wondering about who the baby is going to look more like, what their personality will be like, if it’s a boy or a girl, or what their name will be. -He tests out names after work. When he comes home, it’s usually with a name suggestion and if either of you like it, then it goes in a jar in the kitchen for potential names to narrow down. -Absolutely a wreck at first?? Like he’s trying to figure out what brand of crib is going to be the safest and WHY are there so many different types of bottles and WHY are there so many different diapers?? -So you may need to help him calm down a little bit because it’s still very early in the pregnancy and you have lots of time before you need any of that stuff. -Gale Cleven strikes me as the type of man to dote on a pregnant wife; we’re talking neck and foot massages, holding you while you’re sleeping and trying to make sure you’re comfortable, if you’re carrying heavy things then he’s taking the load—yes this applies to groceries too. -Completely in awe of you as your body changes and adapts for the baby. He’s literally the most starry-eyed man as he watches you get ready in the morning and at nighttime. -COMPLIMENTS AND HYPES YOU UP

-Helps you with your shoes

-If you have pregnancy nausea or morning sickness, this man is PREPARED. Like, he worries at first, but then he understands and he’ll hold your hair up and rub your back and set lavender or peppermint near you while you’re resting. -He heard somewhere that music and reading to the baby to familiarize your voices is a good idea and he’s absolutely doing that in the evenings

-Loves slow dancing with you in the kitchen and discussing the baby

-Was really excited to put together the nursery

-Is literally the most patient when it comes to your mood swings or cravings. Because listen, this is the man that put up with Bucky’s delulu baseball girl dreams in the POW Camp. If he can handle that, he can handle you. Might get a bit of whiplash though haha. -Goes faithfully with you to every appointment and tries to read up as much as he can so he’s educated about what is happening to your body. -When the baby bump actually shows up, he’s SMITTEN 🤩

-Literally is the proudest man ever and immediately sent letters and pictures to the men of the Hundredth

-Bucky is the godfather, I don’t make the rules. -And labor? Listen, this man is NOT leaving your side and he’s absolutely getting as sassy with the doctor as he was when he told his copilot to sit there and take it 😌

-But the minute that baby is born? He’s the most emotional whimpering wreck of a human being who has never seen anything so perfect in his life. -Cried for an abnormally long time and was very concerned he was going to drop the baby??? Which he wasn’t, and he didn’t, but the fear was there. -And then dad Gale thoughts?? -He’s so patient and understanding and loving to his children. He loves getting to spend time with them individually. -Gale has the mentality of “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” when it comes to the kids though so that does mean a strict bedtime and some rules being adhered haha

-But the kids ADORE him

-He’s not super involved in, like, PTA or anything but he is SO supportive. Your daughter has a dance or a music recital? He’s on the front row, accompanied by you and Bucky and clapping his little heart out. Your son decides he wants to do baseball? Gale is going to grimace and ask Bucky for how to help his kid learn and get better. -He is the homework helper dad haha. -Definitely is involved in bedtime routines for the kids and making sure teeth are brushed, kids are bathed, and a story is told. -Helps with every single science fair project and the kids always win haha. -Is honestly wrapped around your children’s fingers. -He changes a little bit when the kids start to be old enough to actually have conversations with and he becomes more vocal. Because his dad never told him that he was proud of Gale, he makes a point to say how much he loves the kids and how proud he is of every little thing they do! -Gale carries pictures of the kids in his wallet and proudly brags about them when asked about his family.

-And I could keep going forever haha….but here’s a little fun with that

Some spicy thoughts below:

-The best most praising and body-worshipping pregnancy sex

-He runs warm baths to help with body aches and helps you wash up. Also really enjoys putting lotion on your belly when the stretch marks start showing up. -Is very creative with positions so you can be comfortable haha

-Maternity clothing shopping always gets a little frisky haha

-And he can’t help it, but he thinks you’re even prettier while pregnant, so he definitely has a higher sex drive to match yours. -Sneaking quickies in between the baby napping in the evening

-If you’re self conscious of your body after pregnancy, he will cure that with the best orgasms of your life

-Definitely develops a breeding kink after the first child haha

-Is still the sweetest husband ever and always takes the time in between raising the kids to let you know how much he loves you…..and then he proceeds to show you how much 🤩

#mota #mota fanfic #gale buck cleven #gale cleven #gale cleven x reader #gale cleven headcanons #masters of the air x reader #masters of the air

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joels-shitty-puns · 1 year ago

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The Key To Your Heart - Track 6

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 4K

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

This one's a little longer than the last few, but it's one I was really excited to get to for a while. I hope you guys like it! We're starting to get into the nitty gritty! Once again please let me know what you think of it! Thank you all for your support :)

__________

After your emotional conversation with Pedro, you were worried he'd stop talking to you. At least, it seems that's how it usually works. Whenever you try to have a conversation about emotions with someone, it gets shut down. But surprisingly.. it didn't push Pedro away at all. The two of you talk nearly every day on the phone, and when you don't, it's made up for with plenty of text messages. You don't even have to be the first to communicate, either. It just feels natural. It doesn't need to be over-thought.

You keep telling yourself not to get your hopes up, but at the same time, you feel like maybe it's turning into something. Something more than friends. You couldn't help but wonder if Pedro felt the same way, or if maybe he's just a really nice guy.

Despite these feelings, you're still hesitant to tell him you love him. Although he put many of your fears to rest, you continued to be nervous. You were inexperienced. You were significantly younger than him. You led two very different lives. And even though he reassured you about your appearances, it doesn't mean you'd be his type once he actually saw you. Shoot, you don't even know if he's interested in pursuing a relationship.

Plus, now there's the risk of messing up a new friendship. Why ruin it?

How does anyone ever get into a relationship? Others make it look so easy, jumping from relationship to relationship like their heart isn't at stake.

Maybe someday you'd tell him. Maybe someday you'd share these other fears as well. But not yet. You weren't ready.

_____

About a week had gone by since you first talked on the phone, and it was around 1 PM when he called you.

"Hey Pedro!"

"Hey there, songbird," he replied cheerily.

"Songbird?" You giggled.

"If you hate it-"

"No, I love it. It's sweet," you blushed.

"Okay good. But the reason I'm calling is because I saw something on Instagram…"

"Oh yeah? What of?"

"About you. When were you going to tell me?"

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh what? What is he referring to?

You nervously laughed "I… what? Tell you what now?"

"Your album is coming out in a WEEK!??!" He practically yelled with excitement.

Seriously… this guy. Giving me a damn heart attack.

"OH" you replied sheepishly. "You scared me, thinking you heard… I dunno"

"Oh! I'm sorry. No. I haven't heard any information that you haven't told me yourself, nor would I believe it anyway. Other than.. this album!!!" Pedro announced like a gameshow host.

You laughed before replying "yes, yes, the album comes out next week! They just announced it I guess."

Pedro clapped and shouted. "CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm so happy and proud of you!!!!!!!!"

You weren't looking in a mirror, and he couldn't see you either, but you could bet money that your cheeks were a bright shade of pink. "Thank you, Pedro!" You giggled, your face beginning to hurt from the large smile he caused.

"How are you celebrating? Is the studio doing anything for you?"

"Well they mentioned an album release party, but being that nobody really knows me I don't know who I would even invite. Plus I'm not sure that a large thing like that is how I'd like to show myself to the world. A little too ceremonious for my liking." You grimaced.

"Well, I happen to think you deserve something ceremonious, even if you don't think you do. And I think we should celebrate."

"We - you - you do? You mean…?" You stuttered in disbelief.

"You and me," he said matter-of-factly.

"You.. and… What did you have in mind?"

Frankly you didn't know what to think.

"Well. I was thinking… Maybe we could listen to the album together? We could talk on the phone and listen, and it would be like our own little album release party. You wouldn't have to show yourself or meet people. It would just be like our normal conversations. Except I'd get to hear your new music and talk about it with you. If you want," he said, sounding slightly nervous.

Your heart swelled at the gesture and you agreed happily. The two of you made a plan to "meet" at 7PM and listen together the night of your album release. And he promised he wouldn't listen without you.

_____

It wasn't until after you were off the phone with him that you began to overthink the songs on your album. Not unlike your first single, these were also rather vulnerable at times. Sure, he knew a lot, and he'd listen to the album anyway. Probably. But still. To hear it… together? You were starting to feel like you were in over your head.

Nevertheless, the week continued on like normal. Work, talking to Pedro, hanging with Skipper. You agreed to a few more interviews in article or voice format after the release, and signed a few last minute things.

As the album date approached closer, Pedro texted you one day.

"Okay I'm going to ask you something and I want you to trust me okay. I'm not going to do anything that I know you would hate."

"Okay…" what does this man have up his sleeve?

"Can I have your address?"

Why does he want my address???? The panic settled in. But, you did like him; and he hadn't crossed any boundaries yet. In fact, he's been one of the most understanding of your qualms.

So. You sent him your address.

"Thank you ❤️" Pedro replied.

A heart !?! A red one!?

"You're welcome. Also… I was planning to tell you anyway, but if you're looking for my address I may as well tell you…" you told him your real name. Not your stage name. Not a nickname. But your name. First, Last. All of it.

"Thank you for trusting me. I promise I'll keep it safe," reassured Pedro.

"Thank you, P."

"Of course. You have a beautiful name, by the way."

Your heart did a somersault.

_____

The album release date was finally here and you aren't sure you slept a wink. You were a bundle of nerves and excitement. You loved him and always enjoyed chatting together. This was exciting. But also these songs are so personal. This is a big moment. This was a big plan. And why did he want your address anyway?

~~~~~

Meanwhile at Pedro's place, he was just as nervous. He had started out excited, but then he got into his head. His plans for the evening started feeling too romantic. He didn't want you to get the wrong idea. He liked you, but he didn't want to push it. Maybe he was showing too many feelings towards you. You love someone else, and him not respecting that is rude. All you want is a friend and he's just going to seem like another one of those creepy guys trying to get into your pants.

But it was too late now, the plans were in motion, and maybe you'd enjoy it. Who knows. Either way, he loved your friendship, and friends could do this kind of thing for each other… right??

~~~~~

Throughout the day, you paced your house before finally leaving with Skipper in tow. "We gotta get some air, buddy. I'm losing it over here," you said while clipping his leash.

Stepping out of the house, you two went for a long walk, circled back toward home, and plopped down on your lawn. The house still felt too small in preparation for this evening, whatever it was. Why does it feel different anyway? It's just another phone call..? Unless….

Truth be told, while Pedro had his secret plans, you also had some of your own. Whether you followed through with them or not was up to your nerves.

After some sunbathing with your pup, you both head inside. The sun was starting to set, and you realized it was getting closer to the meetup time you chose with Pedro.

_____

6 PM.

You stared at the TV, not really absorbing anything on the screen, but needing a distraction. This afternoon you opted for a show that Pedro was not in. For once, you needed to not see his handsome face. You needed something else. Half paying attention while picking at a hangnail, you jump out of your skin at the sight of your phone lighting up. Pedro texted.

"Picking out my outfit for tonight! Always important to look nice for celebration."

Shit… he's not coming over is he?! That's why he wanted my address?!

"Wait…" you pondered how to phrase your question without sounding like a panicked asshole, when all you wanted to say was "what the fuck do you MEAN!?!"

I'm not dressed. I'm in sweats and covered in dog hair. I don't have makeup on. Oh no.

"Wait… is that why you wanted my address?"

"Oh. Nooo, no no. No, sweet girl, don't worry. I'm not coming over unexpectedly and interrupting your hiding place. I just think it's still important to dress nice."

"Oh..Okay.."

It was around 6:15 when he texted a picture of himself wearing a white button up with a dark blue suit and matching tie. He wore dark-frame glasses and his hair was slightly tamed, but still showed his messy curls. He looked gorgeous.

But as you scanned his body you noticed that instead of dress shoes, he wore a pair of polka dot socks. He had a goofy grin and his one eyebrow was cocked. You grinned.

"All dressed up and nowhere to go," he said.

"You're a goof, P. But I appreciate the effort."

A pause.

"Also, you look really handsome" you nervously hit send before you had a chance to chicken out.

Bold. Probably shouldn't have said that. But hey, friends compliment each other.

"Why thank you. A big accomplishment like this requires all the stops."

He timed this message right to the minute. As you read his text, your doorbell rang.

You opened the door to find two boxes. One large, one small. A delivery boy was getting into his car.

"Delivery from your biggest fan.

-❤️, P"

He… he sent me some kind of care package?? And put a heart? And said he's my biggest fan?

You squealed and carried the boxes into the house. "What's this!?" You texted Pedro.

"Open them and see!"

You immediately open them. Inside the larger box was a variety of items. The first thing you noticed was a small vase holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. To the right of that was a bag, which you opened and found your favorite meal, from your favorite restaurant.

Wow, this is elaborate.

Below the food was another small bag holding your favorite dessert, and finally to the left, your favorite drink.

I can't believe he remembered all of my favorite things.. This is so thoughtful.

When you moved the flower vase, you noticed one more small item. Is that a… corsage?? You texted Pedro the question.

"Yep!" He sent, with a photo of a matching flower on his lapel.

Remembering you still had the small box, you opened the box flaps, wondering what could possibly be left for him to give you. On top of it was another note.

"For a handsome boy.

- ❤️, your mom's friend, Pedro"

Under the note was a jar of peanut butter, a squeaky anchor toy, and…? What's this?

You unwrap a small paper wrapping to find a dog-sized black bowtie. Shut up.

"SKIPPER!!! Look what Pedro gave you, buddy!"

He padded over to you and let you hook the dressy accessory around his neck. With the clip adjusted, he sat back, looking proud of his new fashion. You quickly snapped a picture and texted it to Pedro.

"I can't believe you did all this, Pedro. Not only did you send all this, but you remembered my favorite things? You remembered all the details from when I first met Skipper. My favorite food, dessert, drink, and flower? That's so sweet, this is all too much Pedro.. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me. I.. I don't even know what to say."

You're amazing and I love you. Is what I want to say.

"You're welcome." He texted back. "Like I said, you deserve a celebration. Plus…"

Pedro sent a photo of his table, set up with the same food and drink, with the caption "now it's like we're having a dinner party."

It was nearing the time to meet, but you still had to do one more thing. You had pondered it earlier in the day, but fully decided it when Pedro sent the photo of himself dressed up. It's now or never.

_____

6:45 PM.

Pedro sat waiting for a reply after he sent his dinner photo. It had only been a couple minutes, but his hands were sweaty and his leg was shaking under the table. Finally, his phone went off. You sent… a video?

He opened it and pressed play. There, he saw you rotating your wrist with the corsage on it. The first time he's ever seen your wrist, hand, or arm before. The first time he's even seen your skin tone.

Geez you act like you're in the Victorian ages, pull yourself together, he rolled his eyes at himself for being so overjoyed.

Next, the video panned to Skipper in his bowtie, looking handsome as ever. The camera zoomed in on him and he looked up into the view with his big brown eyes.

And then…

The camera panned to the side, and showed a mirror. A full length mirror, where you stood. He scanned your body from your perfectly done up hair and makeup, down your body to your dress. You wore your favorite dress, (in your favorite color, he noted) which showed off your body in the best ways. He looked down to the floor and noticed that you too were wearing fun socks instead of shoes. You wore a pair of striped socks and wrote in your caption "all dressed up and nowhere to go."

His heart picked up and he could feel himself breathing unevenly. He finally saw you. And you were gorgeous. He couldn't help the smile that enveloped his face.

Fuck. She's beautiful… I'm screwed.

She loves someone else. She loves someone else. She loves someone else. Forget your feelings.

Despite his struggle, he knew he wanted, and needed, to tell you how beautiful he thought you looked. This was a big step to show yourself, and he also knew how self-conscious you felt about your body.

"Wow, you're so beautiful."

You blushed, replying with a quick thank you with a heart, then sending a second message asking if he was ready to listen. The video wasn't the only trick you had planned up your sleeve tonight.

______

The clock turned to 7 PM and Pedro hit the dial for your number. You answered the phone and said a quick "hang on" to set up the shared listening party link for your album. Once sent, you took a deep breath and steadied your nerves. Then, you took the plunge.

"Okay I got the link! I'm so exci - what - wait, is this an accident?" Pedro's hand fumbled as he received your incoming video chat request, his heart picking up to a galloping pace.

"Nope! You can answer it. If you want.."

He quickly swiped the accept button and there you were. Clad in your favorite dress, sitting at a table with the meal he sent in front of you. He could see himself in the corner square, dressed in his suit, with nearly the identical table setup and food.

He couldn't help but notice on his own video screen that his cheeks were turning rosy and his mouth curled into a large smile. But he was too happy to be shy about his blush.

"So this is you," he said.

"This is me," you replied shyly, but still with a huge smile and blush plastered on your face, matching Pedro's.

"You look.." he sighed shakily "..wow.."

"You look pretty wow yourself there," you said with a shy giggle.

Both of you let out gentle laughs, feeling a warm glow as your stomachs felt matching butterflies of nerves, excitement, and… maybe something else.

"So should we listen, I guess?" You asked nervously.

He didn't answer. He was looking at the screen, eyes scanning the video.

Is he blushing? You wondered. But why would he be? He doesn't like me back… right?

He still hadn't answered you when you finally said "Pedro?? Did you hear me?"

He snapped out of it, somehow turning more crimson. "Oh! Sorry… yeah! Let's listen."

Your nerves were off the charts. Some of these songs were so vulnerable. The ones at the end of the album were the most telling of all.

But as the two of you ate your dinners while listening to your new album, you began to relax. The night was filled with him giving praise and you giving background information on the meanings and production of the songs.

"Are all the different instruments and harmonies played by you?"

"They are! The studio offered studio musicians but I had originally played them all when I wrote it and wanted to keep it a one woman show."

"You're incredible," Pedro said, shaking his head.

You blushed, for the billionth time today.

When it came to "Imaginary Love" Pedro grinned. "Hey I know this one! The one that started it all."

"Yep!" You agreed and he began lip syncing to the lyrics dramatically. Little did he know, those lyrics were actually about him. You giggled as he acted out a soulful rendition of the chorus.

"You know, this whole journey has been a real rollercoaster and there have been times I've wished I hadn't posted that song..."

Pedro looked at you with that puppy dog look of his and you continued "but then I remember… that if I never posted it, I would've never started talking to you, and it makes it all worth it."

Pedro placed his hand on his heart and pouted his lip. "I agree. I'm glad to have met you. If I didn't love this song already, that alone would be enough reason for me to consider it one of my favorites.

You grinned and looked down at the table, suddenly feeling shy. The two of you continued to listen, having long finished your dinner. Conversation flowed easily, and you couldn't help but feel like you were on a date. Not that you had much experience with that, but from what you'd seen in movies and shows, this felt very date-like. And you didn't want it to end.

But as the album went on, you approached the last two songs. The ones you were scared of most. The most vulnerable of the album.

The second to last began to play.

'It's hard to imagine craving something that I've never had.

Dumb to be so desperate for something I've gone without.

But when I'm alone and thinking to myself, I need it so bad.

I crave it like a drug, but one I know nothing about.

Your kiss on my lips, or any kiss at all.

It hasn't happened yet, no matter how hard I fall.

The years keep passing, but still no love.

The years go by, but still no kisses.

I keep wondering and praying up above,

I guess I'm unkissable, despite my wishes.'

Pedro furrowed his brow, looking at you, searching for something. He read the title of the song, "Unkissable," and looked up again, opening and closing his mouth to find the right words.

"Do-" he stopped himself and pondered his wording again. "Is- are all these songs true?"

You stared at the table, picking your nail against the wood. "Yes."

"You really believe that?"

"... I mean… I don't know… maybe… I guess…" you avoided his gaze, but could feel it.

"And you've never-"

"Kissed anyone before? No. I haven't."

"But you've wanted to?"

"Yes," you whispered, starting to feel tears prick at your eyes.

Pedro shifted his lips to the side in thought before finally saying "well… you're still young. It'll happen."

"I'm 26, Pedro. Most people have kissed by the time they've graduated high school. I just… missed the boat I guess. It's okay. I'm just being silly. I don't want it that bad. We can maybe listen to something else now."

"Hey, hey. Don't shut down on me," he asked pleadingly. "26 is still very young, and don't worry about whenever everyone else has done things. Everyone does things at their own pace. I'm sorry you haven't experienced it yet, especially when you want it so badly, but I know that when it does happen, it'll probably be better than any kiss you would've had with some 15 year old boy you would've had in high school."

You laughed, breaking your tears for a minute. "Thanks Pedro."

"Of course. And hey, don't think of yourself as unkissable. Any guy should be so lucky to be with you. Maybe the guy you wrote about in your song will be your first."

"Maybe… I hope so. Thank you."

While your heart bloomed at the kind words and prospect of maybe kissing Pedro in the future, Pedro's heart began to ache. Not only was he sad for you when you wanted love so desperately, but he also couldn't help but feel sad hearing you want to kiss another man. He wants to be that guy for you. He wasn't joking when he said any man would be lucky. But especially knowing now your true age, 22 years younger than him, he knew for sure your crush couldn't be him. You were way too young to be interested in a 48 year old man. He was silly for even entertaining the idea.

But at least he had a new friend. And as he thought longer, he thought about his best friend Sarah, and her relationship. They have a huge age gap, 32 years, but they're happy. And he's happy for her. It doesn't feel weird with them. Could he have that with you? Or is he in over his head?

The last song on the album began to play. This one was less vulnerable, but if he decided to look at the lyrics and notice patterns, he'd see it in the chorus.

'People have a lot to say

Everyone loves or hates me

Don't know what I did today

Right now you're all I can see

Only want to be with you.

Please, love me too.'

You're sure the obsessive listeners will figure out the acrostic, and if Pedro looks up the lyrics, he might too. But either way, it's out there. All you can do is hope for the best and eventually you're sure it'll come out anyway.

This wasn't one you were sure about putting on the album, but when the studio read through your personal songbook, they went insane over it. They figured it out quickly, and they promised they'd keep it to themselves. Luckily they have so far, but if money came calling, you think they'd sell your heart faster than you could say no.

The song, and album, came to a close and Pedro looked up at the screen once again, staring into your eyes. "Once again your music has blown me away."

Whether he put together the end or not, he wasn't letting on.

"Thank you Pedro. I really appreciate it. And thank you for tonight. It was truly special and I mean it when I say it's the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. You didn't have to go through all that trouble," you said thoughtfully.

"It was no trouble. You deserve congratulations for your album," Pedro replied with a smile.

Right.. it's just a congratulations. Nothing else. You sighed.

"Thank you. I'm really glad we did this. Talk again soon?" You asked.

"Absolutely. It was wonderful to meet you finally," Pedro said, finishing the sentence with your real name and smiling.

"It was great to meet you too, Pedro."

__________

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading.

Looking for more? Next chapter!

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibleywrites @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon @winchestergypsy90 @red-red-rogue @theendwhereibegin @lottieellz101 @oliversaurus @kyga01 @milly-louise @titabel @taz-97

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x you #a! wrote a fic #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal rpf #pedro pascal x afab!reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x musician!reader #pedro pascal x plus sized! reader #pedro pascal x y/n #rpf #key to your heart

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morgana-lefay · 5 months ago

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Project: Rammstein Barcelona 2024 - The Review

It's been more than two weeks now and coming back to the real World hasn't been easy, so I'm only now managing to write about the concert.

I'm still very much living in my concert-bubble (ignoring many responsibilities, forgetting I'm a grown-up and such), but I'm not sure I can still remember everything, unfortunately. I will try my best. Heads up, as this will be extensive, detailed (as much as my memory can help me), not spolier-free, might contain off-topics about the city and, most of all, will be MY opinion and feelings about it all.

So let's start.

As some of you might know/have noticed, I traveled from Portugal to Barcelona, the day before the concert. It was the first time, in my 40 years alive in this World, I ever saw a band outside my country and it was also my first time visiting Barcelona, so I was very excited about it all! I was also ready to travel solo, but two friends ended up joining me. I did go to the concert by myself, though.

I arrived in Barcelona on Monday, early in the morning, which allowed me to compensate for concert day, since it would be pretty much dedicated to it, aside from breakfast and lunch. A friend and I decided to walk around "El Gòtic" (Gothic Quarter). A few cañas later, we needed to pee, so we decided to start looking for cool cafes to stop and have more cañas so we could use the bathroom (made sense to us). We found a lovely Plaza by accident, with a cafe in the middle and that was it.

We ordered two cañas, talked about some serious stuff, some more silly, about the concert and the band and how do people find them in the street and how I wouldn't know what to do if I saw any of them. Time passed and we decided to leave, but first, my time to go to the bathroom. Coming back, something got lost in translation and the guy brought us two more beers.

THANKFULLY, as a few moments later, this guy with dark sunglasses comes riding a bike from one of the streets that led to the Plaza. I was siting facing said street and started panicking in Portuguese "Oh meu Deus, oh meu Deus!". My friend had no idea what was going on, until I managed to say "IT'S THE DRUMMER!". At that point, he was already at the end of the street and I thought he'd left, when I realised he turned around. My friend, to whom I will be grateful forever, got up and stopped him. I did nothing. Just stayed sited, like an idiot. She says he asked her if she wanted a photo and she answered no, because she wasn't a fan (the poor guy), but her friend, pointing at me, was.

Something clicked inside my dumb brain, I got up from my chair and moved towards him. I don't really remember what I said, aside from "Hi, Christoph", "I came from Portugal to see you", apologising for bothering him and wishing him a nice day, if I touched him even (my friend says I touched his shoulder, which I tend to do sometimes, talking to people) nor what he said, or if he even said anything! His face was one of someone so used to these things and almost kinda bored, but at the same time he had a nice and sweet energy about him (not sure if this makes sense). Anyway...it was surreal! I was nervous as hell and I think if I was by myself I wouldn't have approached him. But he is as beautiful in person, as in all photos and videos! (and so tall!). That out of the blue encounter made my day! (I won't share the photo because I don't wanna show my stupid panic ridden face and I don't want the photo to end up everywhere else).

Concert day:

I queued for about 4h30m, until doors opened a bit after 18h00 and it started raining pretty much the moment I got there and pouring like 30 minutes in and it never stopped up to the point I got home, 12 hours later (my friends where ever so kind to make this video 😅) .

There, I met this lovely Spanish girl from Canárias, a group from LIFAD Colombia and Lina, the creator of LIFAD International. All lovely people. I never spoke so much Spanish in my life. I didn't even knew I knew how to speak so much Spanish, although I must have some fucked up accent (I never formaly learned the language), as they pretty much never got what I meant at first try 😂.

I managed to get front row (at some point I didn't think I was gonna make it), on Paul's side and I don't think I've ever seen such a colourful audience in a Metal/Rock concert. I also had never been in a venue with umbrellas.

Last photo is from last year, here in Portugal. I was standing in the back of the Stadium, which allowed me a privileged perspective over the beauty of the light, fire and music synchrony and I guess that made me love it all even more. This time, I couldn't see that part so well, but I could see them and their interactions, so I guess both concerts completed each other. I was also prepared for fiery hot, but, honestly, with all the rain, I barely felt the pyro.

They opened with "Ramm4", as we all know by now. Honestly, I had heard that song like 3 times before and it's not much my cup of tea (catchy chorus and rhythm, but I'm not that crazy about it as many seem to be). It was fun to sing along the "Ya, Nein! Rammstein!" part though, but it's no match to "Armee der Tristen" or "Rammlied" as an opener. Would have loved to hear the first one!

I felt Till's appearance on stage wasn't as powerful (although the explosion that revealed him was pretty cool), but his outfit is amazing! LOVE the feathers! I did enjoy the message at the beginning, the song and all of them appearing in the elevator together. To be fair, It might be that it's just different and we (I) were used to the old one.

[second one became my phone's background image]

Me being me, I managed to, by one frame, not catch on video the part where Richard kicks the 🎹🤦‍♀️. But, honestly, aside from the interesting leg movement, it wasn't all that, as it just comes out of nowhere. But then again, we had completely drenched Richard™, so that was just a small drop of water in an ocean of wet awesomeness.

The first half (if I can call it that) of the concert, up until the Deutschland remix, was rocking like a motherfucker! "Keine Lust" sounds great live. It was, actually, one of my favourites. A great surprise! And Richard's energy made it even better.

I always thought I was gonna cry my eyes out during "Asche Zu Asche", as it's one of my favourite songs, but, the tears came during "Zeit"...That song had been hitting me in the guts for the last few months, but I honestly did not see that coming. It was just overwhelmingly beautiful! Till's voice...my Goodness...When he sang the "Ein jeder kennt den perfekten Moment" part, he added "es aquí!"/"aquí contigo" (it's here/here with you), which may or may not made me cry a bit more.

Still about "Asche Zu Asche"...as expected, every one of them has a different energy during that song, but it's still a very powerful one! I rocked my ass off to it and I'm very grateful to have been able to experience it live. Too bad there where no microphones on fire, though. 🙁

"Wiener Blut" sounded great live too! As haunting as I imagined. Till's voice, again...And all of them, honestly, sounded beautiful. These additions to the setlist are just perfect.

Paul was going all Metal on us in some backing vocals, I think during "Links" the most. And Till seemed pretty content with the rain, while adding some Spanish words/expressions to the songs or in between.

Richard's growling during "Du Riechst so Gut" sent me...⚰️I don't think I've recovered from that part yet. Everytime I rewatch the videos, there's shivers. And then there's the little synchronized headbangs between Paul and Till and with all of them. Even though Till seemed to struggle a bit during the one with Paul, particularly, it was so precious to watch up close! 😭Paul and RZK's arm pyro, unfortunately, didn't work. I also couldn't see Till with the arch pyro, as little Paul was standing in the way.

Till clearly used playback, at least in one song (can't quite remember on which one...maybe Wiener Blut...), which is something that always bothers me a bit, even loving him to death. It did not ruin the show for me in the slightest, of course, but I don't really appreciate it or get it.

(Also, my man, stop spitting so much! 🙈)

My greatest disappointment, though, was that the foam from the Pussy-canon didn't reach our side. 😭

Then there were all the little interactions they had going on. It's like Tumblr was turning real, right in front of my eyes! 😂Honestly, I thought a lot about you guys during the whole concert.

I also feel like I went through many phases: rocking my ass off and singing what I knew (and making up other parts 😅); standing still, being mesmerized, just taking it all in; crying during Zeit; laughing over their silliness and just thinking how these guys are so fucking good still after 30 years. 🖤

Other/specific favourite things:

Anything Till and Paul, to be honest, but mostly during Mein Teil and Ausländer (my heart almost melted in this last part, with Till caressing his Paule's face 🥹);

Olli having fun and throwing water at Paul;

The boats and how Schneider seems so happy during it. I focused on him so much, almost forgot there where two more boats coming.

Paul being his little clown self pretty much all the time 🙈;

Flake's little dances and his crown! So pretty!

Schneider setting the rhythm with his arm movements;

The Mein Teil background dancers;

Till's "peacock flames" moment during "Rammstein" is absolutely breathtaking to watch up close! 🥹

Till's rolled up sleeves and his tattoos peaking are also a beautiful sight to see in person. 🖤

Just watching Till in general...Even if I wish he was a bit more serious/stoic sometimes and not so clowny, I love that guy. I can't even put it right into words how it felt seeing him and hearing him.

But, to be honest, I think I have to say that my most favourite thing, even though he was opposite where I stood, was Richard being a badass rockstar! He rocked hard, even dripping wet (or probably even more because of). I liked how he still balances a bit of the more serious side with the silly one.

All in all, I would have appreciated a little less rain (it never stopped...), but I had a great time! There's nothing/no one like them! They're just beautiful to watch and it was incredible to get to see them so close. I'm still a bit overwhelmed and even though it was a different sentiment from last year's concert (my first and in my country), they made me very happy! Thank you, my boys!🖤

#project: rammstein barcelona 2024 #rammstein #rammstein 2024 #this is thesis-long and I still feel like I forgot something 😅

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mileyjassie · 1 year ago

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𝗠𝗬!𝗢𝗛!𝗠𝗬!

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: 𝘒𝘪𝘮 𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘫𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘹 𝘍!𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝘎𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: 𝘚𝘮𝘶𝘵 🔞

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 5.7K

𝘚𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴: You fall in love with the new student, he's a bad influence for you, but you've never felt better.

𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦: He's a jerk y'know, she's a jerk too, let's be honest. Teenagers doing teen drama in a classical high school cliché. Totally inspired by "The Heathers" (not the movies) and all of this JD and Veronica shit. Ah, the Camila Cabello "My OH My" song too...

The car insisted on making me crash into the walls, I wasn't very good at that stuff anymore, despite liking bumper cars I didn't know how to drive them very well.

It didn't take long for everyone to start laughing, it was really embarrassing, I tried not to look around, ignoring the car that hit the back of mine, the guy in it contributing on making me more uncomfortable.

I saw the guy who was taking care of the carts approach and take me out of that situation for the second time, a smile stuck on his face.

"You don't seem to be doing very well...There are people wanting to get in, do you mind if you share the cart with someone...who knows how to drive the toy?"

I pulled the corner of my lips, my face burning with embarrassment, becoming so dispirit that I couldn't give the guy a single smile, not even a nervous one.

"I-I wasn't supposed to be alone, I know I can't drive, but they left me here, sorry to disturb you..."

"Can I do it then?"

I confirmed with a nod, seeing him walk away. Soon a guy entered the lane, his dark eyes finding my cart with a thin, sharp smile, intimidating in a certain way. When he got closer, he lowered his head, looking me in the eyes, I waited for any joke to come out of his mouth, because his smile didn't break with any new expression he could make.

"Thanks, lady, I was getting impatient from waiting in the line. Is it really okay if I drive it?"

I blinked a few times, agreeing almost automatically, standing up so he could sit in my seat.

"I'm terrible at this."

"I watched." He let out a short laugh, turning the cart around. I was glad to see it finally actually moving. "Why did you come then?"

I pursed my lips, looking at the audience on the side of the track.

"I came with some friends, one of them said she would be with me, but after we sat down she abandoned the car and left the track, saying that I could do it by myself." I looked for them around with my eyes, not at all surprised when I didn't find them anywhere. "They were there a minute ago, laughing. But I don't see them anymore."

His smile faded a little, but he didn't say anything about it, letting out an "oops!" and hitting the car near us, making me laugh.

"Are they really friends or is this just some kind of joke?" He commented in a malicious tone, looking at me quickly, letting go of the steering wheel at once to make the car behind us hit our back.

As we leaned forward with the impact, the boy with the black hair slicked back gave me a wide smile, his eyebrows jumping excitedly at what he had just done.

We let out a few laughs, he followed others with the car again, and I watched him do so.

"Colleagues I think... they invited me, I saw no reason to deny it."

The corner of his mouth tugged to the side, an unconvinced expression on his face.

"I hope you've seen it now."

I frowned, feeling good about his empathy, despite his intimidating appearance, he was being the best company for me that night.

I watched him for a while, following his smiles as he played some other joke around, looking at me to check if what he was doing was also amusing me as it amused him.

"What the hell?!" He exclaimed, catching my attention, but I only found more excitement on his face.

"What?" I asked frantically, looking around. "Are they after us?"

"No! They're running away from us!"

I let out a nasal laugh, looking at him almost in disbelief.

"What's your name?" I murmured, he didn't hear me well, so he put his hand to his ear, not taking his eyes off the track.

"I didn't hear you, cutie, louder."

I opened my eyes wide, blushing.

"Your name."

He smirked, tilting his head back a little, turning his face to look at me in a slightly mischievous way, carelessly letting go of the steering wheel, crashing us into the wall.

"Hongjoong."

His eyes were penetrating and his nose was perfectly sharp, he was also full of piercings in his ears, his eyebrow had two cuts across it and a piercing in the middle, he wore some rings and had an undercut too. Really interesting look.

Even so, his personality was a contrast.

And I fell in love.

[ ... ]

I closed my locker after taking out my things, avoiding meeting the girls who had abandoned me at the amusement park. In a way, it wasn't so bad, Hongjoong, who saw me leave the place alone, asked if I wanted to have ice cream, and so we continued the night.

Unfortunately, I was ripped out of my reveries the moment I saw my semester project glued on the wall without my consent. My ideas being stolen again.

"Why are you using my project without telling me? Why didn't you ask?"

I only received a dull look, the colorful makeup sicken my vision.

"I'm only putting it in because I was asked. But whatever, it's the classroom's project anyway, everyone wins."

I furrowed my eyebrows, clenching my fists.

"It's my project! Not the classroom's!"

"Listen, girl, stop being selfish, you think you're big shit." She said disgustedly, leaving me behind.

I hid my fist in my pants pocket, clenching my teeth and continuing on my way with a lowered gaze.

Was I selfish? Really?

My eyes widened in alert when a hand suddenly met the wall in front of me, an arm stopping me from going my way.

I studied the leather jacket for a few seconds before finding the relaxed face of the boy I had met the day before, his same hairstyle and piercings catching my eyes.

His smile grew with my astonishment.

"Scared you?" He tilted his head, moving closer.

"Hongjoong!"

"Surprise!" He laughed weakly, shaking his other hand.

I leaned against the wall, trying to move away from his proximity, feeling my fingers freeze with his sudden presence.

"Why are you here?"

Hongjoong smiled at my comment, clearly mocking my silliness.

"What else could I do in a school? Blow it up?" I was startled by his bad joke, shifting my gaze to the corridor, seeing some students looking at us weirdly. "I've been transferred. New city, new school."

"Ah... You're a new student..." I murmured, trying to move away, he noticed and walked away, putting his hands in his pockets.

"If my company bothers you, I can leave." He said in a despondent tone, already seeming disappointed with my reaction.

"No!" I exclaimed, pushing myself away from the wall. "I was just a little embarrassed."

His eyebrows arched, chin crinkling while taking a lazy look around us, finding nothing interesting.

"Ashamed of me?" He remained with his hands in his pockets, not seeming to understand at first what kind of embarassment I had felt.

I observed him completely, surreptitiously.

I certainly wasn't feeling embarrassed of him.

"I think you got it wrong. Don't be mad." I asked politely. "I need to hurry to class, but we can meet up later if you want."

Hongjoong looked at me slightly, turning and shrugging.

"Sure." He withdrew, strolling down the hall. "I'm not one to feel embarressed..."

I looked at him impressed, choosing not to answer him and go straight to my class, despite having the boy's voice stuck in my thoughts from the beginning of the class until the end.

In the end, I was dying to see him again.

Luckily, I actually did.

When everyone left for break, he was already waiting for me outside, hidden behind the door frame, pulling me by the wrist and finding me with a small smile.

"If no one's watching, you won't feel any embarrassment, will you?" He leaned toward me, softening his grip on my wrist.

"You almost scared me to death, Hongjoong! Is this a hobby of yours?" I adjusted the strap of my backpack, putting my hand on my chest, soon hearing him laugh lightly at my reaction.

"Aren't you going to show me the school?" He pouted, feigning sadness as his earrings swayed from side to side with every movement he made. "I feel so lost...I need your help."

I looked away from his provocative expressions, hiding a smile, I pretended not to notice his warm palm squeeze my wrist from time to time, so that I didn't have to ask him to let go of me.

"Of course I'll show you." I commented as I left little by little, looking at him slightly so he would follow me, this one unfortunately having to let go of my wrist, but remaining close enough.

We sat on a concrete platform, a little distance from the other students. Hongjoong supported his body weight with one arm behind him, holding a can of Coke with the other, watching me eat quietly, I watched random corners, not really knowing what to do.

"Oh!" He said, letting out an amused chuckle. "That's the kind of embarrassment you were talking about." He conclued satisfied, smiling.

I turned my face to look at him, unable to deny it.

"Y-Yeah..." I laughed nervously, noticing some students passing by and looking at us. "Why was it so difficult for you to understand?..."

Hongjoong looked at me disinterestedly, shaking the soda can as if it had become more interesting than the conversation.

"The other type occurred more." He wrinkled his chin, looking away indifferently, leaving the can aside when he took the last sip, now using both arms for support. "Do you always snack like this? Alone?"

The way he asked that certainly didn't make me confident enough to lie, but I felt like I didn't need to keep up appearances with him.

"I prefer it this way."

Hongjoong smiled wide, making his eyebrows jump.

"Took my advice, huh? Dumped them?" He waited for the answer anxiously, his black pupils shining for a moment.

"Not really. I just avoided them today." I watched his reaction in silence, not seeing him do anything other than lay his head on his shoulder and return the look, a gesture that lasted for a few long seconds until my face began to heat up.

"Don't look away." He said quietly, I turned my face again to find him still in the same position, relaxed as always. "I was enjoying."

I pursed my lips, taking another look at the boy, surreptitiously. It wasn't like I was that kind of person, but this boy...damn.

We looked at each other a little more, until the break was over.

Hongjoong rolled his eyes, huffing.

"Don't you want to skip class with me?" He extended his hand, as if the simple gesture could convince me. And he almost convinced.

"One of these days, maybe." I smiled, getting down from the platform and turning to look at his still very comfortable posture above. "You won't come?"

The boy glanced at the sky, a displeased pout on his lips proving his displeasure.

"I will." He crawled to the edge, climbing down from the platform. "But just to accompany you, I don't want to see that face sad." He smiled full of himself, tapping his index finger on my chin, leading the way, but stopping to look at me from the side and wait for me to approach.

"Thank you for your kindness."

His arm rested around my shoulders, staying there. I internally thanked him for the initiative, smiling a little, without peeking if he could see my happy face.

"I can be much kinder if you wish..." he whispered behind my ear, his face burying into my hair. I shivered for a moment, he noted, softening his fingers in his grip.

I remained silent for a few seconds, turning my face to meet his curious eyes.

"Are you free?" I said with all the courage I had, Hongjoong held back his smile, his eyebrows jumping in amusement.

"If that's an invitation then I'm grateful I'm no longer am." He spontaneously squeezed my shoulder, giving me a warm smile.

We slowly separated, waving and heading to different ways.

[ ... ]

It was our fourth date that week, but I didn't know if we were going too fast or this feeling was just a reflection of my lack of experience.

Hongjoong cornered me against the wall outside the small store where we bought our milkshakes, tasting his before wetting his lips and lowering his face, I held mine tighter, ignoring the fact that the cold plastic was starting to irritate my palm.

"You hold back too much... what are you waiting for?"

I frowned, taking time to respond.

"What you mean?" I murmured, letting my eyes roam over his face. "Do you want me to do something?"

His gaze dropped from mine to my mouth, and without leaving from the spot he put the straw back in his mouth, giving me a prominent roll of his eyes, raising his eyebrows.

"We both want something to happen, doesn't matter who does it...but I would appreciate it if it happened to be you." He smiled as he bit the plastic straw, walking away. "But not now." He reached for my hand, pulling me close to him and putting his arm around my shoulders, making us walk along the sidewalk.

"When?..." I asked quietly, hiding my shyness.

"Soon, princess, but not now." He repeated, tilting his head to look at me, using the unoccupied hand on my shoulder to gently scratch my jaw with his fingernail. I smirked, looking away and drinking some of my own milkshake, wrapping my arm around his torso.

In fact, I couldn't control it, his arrival in my life made everything start moving too fast, I was enjoying it and starting to ignore any moralism that forced me to slow it down.

We got into his father's car, parking on a random dark corner near a random place, then I saw Hongjoong lower his seat and lie down after locking the car doors.

He only needed to look at me for a few seconds until I was already sitting on his lap. His relaxed face waited for me calmly, fingers adorned with rings searching for my fallen hair, removing it from his view.

"Why are you holding back so much, my love?..." he murmured, his hands stroking my hair slowly, pleasurably. "Haven't you realized that you're already my girl?..."

"I am?..." I asked with my hands on the sides of his torso, watching a calm and soft smile form on his lips.

"Aren't you?..." he joked, his eyes thinning slightly. When his hands stopped caressing me, I let my lips press together in dissatisfaction. "If not me, who will it be?..."

I grunted low, squeezing his sides and feeling his fingers soften in my scalp again, I lowered myself to his face, brushing our noses before sealing his cheek and jaw, ignoring how loud my heartbeat got each time I got closer to his mouth. When I finally found his lips, his hand grabbed my shoulder, pulling me down, making me lie on top of him, deepening the slow and sticky kiss.

I moved my hand up his chest until I reached his neck, squeezing weakly, then I felt his hot breath hit my face and his hand left my locks to go down and squeeze my hip, moving up to my waist.

"We are perfect for each other." He whispered, pulling half of my shirt out of my pants. "You noticed that, didn't you?" He dragged his fingertips down my ribs, scratching my skin lightly, making me shiver from the caress. I stated, dragging my lips over his, giving in to any gesture he made.

I bit his lip and pulled it weakly, hearing him suck in air between his clenched teeth.

"Do a little more, beautiful..." he asked in a soft sigh, squeezing my skin with his fingers.

"Do you want me to pull your lip into my kisses?" I murmured, giving him a peck.

"I want you to use those teeth on me, love, bite me anywhere, everywhere...please do it, yeah?" He cupped my face, digging his thumb into my cheek, mimicking the up and down of his nails on my back.

I closed my eyes, leaning against his body with his touches down my shirt, his soft fingers sliding down my spine until they stopped at the curve at the end of my spine.

"I'll do whatever you want..." I whispered without looking for his eyes, holding his jaw to turn his face to the opposite side, scratching his jaw with a light bite.

I saw him smiling, eyes already closed to receive the bites he had asked for, sighing heavily as I nibbled on the sensitive area below his ear.

"Treat me like the good girl you are, okay?..." he whispered serenely, still with his eyes closed with his fingers running up and down my spine. "From now on, darling, I will call you mine. So don't think twice before calling me yours."

I raised my lips to his ear, his hand went from my face to the back of my neck, diving into the roots of my hair.

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?..."

Hongjoong opened his eyes, pressing his fingers into my locks just a little, still affectionately, removing the fingers that were caressing my back to hold the side of my face, making me look at him closely.

We looked at each other for a while, taking our time.

"I'm just asking for someone that's already mine..."

[ ... ]

I found the girl who caused me so much trouble.

"If you don't take my project off the wall and stop saying it's yours, I'll go to the office and inform the principal about your actions!"

The look of contempt she gave me was disgusting, as if I was a little rat which was just getting in the way.

"Is the crybaby going to go to the office?" She mocked, imitating me with a high-pitched, honeyed voice. "Go fuck yourself, we're already using your project, why don't you let it go?"

"Because it's mine. I'm not going to give a fuck!"

The young lady turned around in surprise, at first she seemed in disbelief, then she seemed amused by my attitude.

"Ah...now are you brave?" She pouted impressedly, moving closer until she was right next to my ear. "Are you going to run and tell the principal? Because if you do, I won't have any problems leaving the entire school knowing that you fucked that punk in his car on a dark, dirty corner, you bitch."

I furrowed my eyebrows in shock, shame and humiliation coursing through my veins.

No one could find out about this, they would spend the rest of their lives calling me a whore. How would they respect me? What would my family think of me?

"Oh!" She exclaimed happily, letting out a laugh. "So it's true? Did you guys have sex?" She laughed loudly, I pushed her into any corner, terrified. She continued smiling, amused by my despair. "You know, I had just guessed, saw the parked car and just assumed it could be the two of you..." she walked away, surrounding me with predatory eyes. "Who would have thought... you, of all people..."

"Shut up!" I growled, pointing my finger in her feline face. "I swear if you-"

"That's your choice. The project or your reputation?" She shrugged, slowly retreating. "Yeah, I think we're sorted."

I watched her walk away with cold fingers, my heart beating like crazy.

I was feeling so dirty.

Because of that, I suppressed myself, made excuses, walked away, and Hongjoong wasn't happy about it.

"Why are you ignoring me? Running away from me?" He followed me down the hallway, holding my shirt for me to stop. He could have been angry, irritated, but he didn't show that side, just confusion. "You said you weren't ashamed of me and now you do this? You want to see me suffer, is that it?

I looked at him with a negative wave, tired, even though I wanted distance, I didn't want to see him sad because of me.

"Just let me go for now..." I turned around, being pulled by his hand close to the wall, his palms cupped my face, staring at me intensely.

"I know you love me, that you haven't given up on me. So tell me what they did to you."

I held his wrists, not wanting to worst things up.

"Forget it." I tried to leave, but he refused.

"No." He emphasized, making me look at him again.

I sighed, holding the back of his head to steal a quick kiss from him, smoothing my thumb across his cheekbone.

"I'll tell you later, okay?"

Hongjoong agreed, staying silent for a bit before taking another quick peck from me, letting me go after a pinch on my waist, making me smile and making him smile too.

It was after that that the following week Hongjoong came looking for me in the library with a small but cocky smile on his lips.

He looked a little different that day, his hair was down and he was wearing a navy blue sweatshirt, almost black. But his essence remained the same, as he had only his hair down because I had done so earlier when we met in the corridor.

He confessed that he didn't like it very much, that it made him shorter. I laughed at that and praised him a little more, that was enough for him to let it go.

I watched him sit down next to me, catching his furtive glance from the corner of my eye.

"How did the tests go?" I started the subject by going back to the notes in my notebook, even though I knew he had something to talk about.

"I did well, of course." He shrugged, closing his eyes and raising his eyebrows smugly. I wasn't surprised, but I grimaced all the same. "And you?" He folded his arms on the table, laying his head down with a soft smile.

I sighed, lowering my head dramatically, I heard him laugh, so I raised my head again, looking at him boredly.

"I failed."

"I'll help you study, don't worry." He reached out, squeezing my hand.

I looked at him suspiciously.

"You? Help me study? Seriously?"

Hongjoong let go of my hand, shaking his in surrender, returning to using the arm to support his head.

"I swear this time I'm going to take it seriously. I don't want you to fail, that would be shit."

"Yeah, it would." I sighed, going back to studying, ignoring the fact that the boy continued to watch me with a smile. He used to do that, but the tension upon me started to bother.

I turned my head slowly, catching his gaze, remaining like that.

"I need to show you something." He commented relaxedly, still waiting for a response from me.

"Show me then."

Hongjoong put his hand in his pocket, taking out his cellphone, unlocking it and looking for something, dragging it on the table to my things.

It was open into a chat, an image more precisely. An intimate and explicit photo of a girl I had no way of knowing who was.

I looked away, pushing the phone back.

"Why are you showing me this? I'm...very intrigued. Really." I avoided turning my face, going back to flipping through my notebook as if I could still study after that, leaving a tasteless expression on my face.

I heard his short laugh.

"Amazing! You reacted exactly the way I imagined you would." He ignored the phone, only blocking it again.

I became discredited.

"You were simply testing me?" I frowned.

Hongjoong raised his eyebrows, looking at me slightly.

"Why? Are you jealous?" He smiled roguishly. I looked at him in disbelief.

"I could if there was any more reasonable motive for that?"

Hongjoong waved his hand, paying little attention to it.

"It's just a nude of the bitch that's been bothering you, love." He lay back down on top of his arms, snuggling.

I was silent.

"You didn't think about-"

"Why not?" He interrupted me, opening his palms. "Give her the same poison back."

I looked away, denying it.

"It's wrong, I would never do the same."

"I didn't say it needed to be you."

I caught his eyes quickly, his smile widened at my reaction.

"Let me carry the burden. It really doesn't hurt." He came near me, sitting closer to touch our shoulders, whispering even though we were alone. "You didn't do anything alone, you did it with me. If you don't have the courage to bargain for her silence in the right way, then I don't see any problem with me doing it for you myself."

I heard him as I closed my fists, feeling his head lay against me.

"I don't care about my reputation, but I want to protect yours. Don't you worry anymore, okay?"

I lowered my head, not having the initiative to say anything.

And it was at that moment that he knew I was saying yes.

[ ... ]

The project was mine again, simply returned to me when they decided to cancel the progress to represent the class.

It was pretty quick.

I was happy, really happy that no more people were taking advantage of me, but I remained nervous.

It was still early, Hongjoong wasn't coming for personal reasons, helping his father with work or something like that.

I sat down and paid attention in class, everything was normal, everything was calm... Out of my sight.

Whispers and gossip everywhere.

The class was definitely hating me, they knew that I was the cause of the work being cancelled, that they would be left without good grade. That they would run out of extra notes.

It was a few hours later that I noticed the murmurs, that I heard part of them.

I looked for her throughout the school and took her to the bathroom, there was no way she could get away from me, and she didn't even try.

"You told them!"

"Told them what?..." she leaned against the edge of the sink, tilting her head. "That you had s-"

"You had no right to do that!"

"But that was our deal, honey!" She exclaimed, showing irritation for the first time. "You made your choice! You! Now the whole school knows, but it's your fault!"

"What would you think if the school also knew about your nu-"

"Do it!" She screamed, startling me for a moment. "Everyone will know that you did this because you hate me! You always have! And on top of that, you're a coward! You didn't have the courage to threaten me to my face! You told your boyfriend to do it."

When the palm of my hand was already against her face, my wrist was grabbed at the same moment, and wanting to return the gesture, she threatened to hit me in the face, but we ended up with both of us holding each other's wrists.

"Nobody will believe it. My face can't be seen in the picture." Even though she murmured arrogantly, I saw fear in her eyes and hated myself for feeling pity.

"You will regret this. For stealing from me, for using me, for pretending to be my friend and defaming me."

"The school now knows nothing but the truth..."

I pushed her away from me when the siren sounded, heading out into the hallway, unfortunately having to go back to class.

I have never felt so ashamed, so humiliated. Even the teachers looked at me with pity.

Why pity? What have I done of so bad to make them look at me with so much pity?

I returned home late in the afternoon after putting up with the teasing, finding nothing but very well-informed parents.

I got my ass beat up.

They prohibited me from leaving my room, from seeing Hongjoong, from using my phone or computer. But that wasn't the problem.

I cried. Of course.

I cried with hate.

I swore my whole life to be a good girl... for this.

I waited until after midnight, to them I was sleeping, I was bored, with nothing to do but lie down. It never crossed their minds that I would do something like that, that I would run away.

But there I was, walking with hard, fast steps, the early morning cold throwing my hair back and drying my lips. I was burning, burning with rage.

This was so wrong and I knew it.

I invaded his room, not expecting to see him sleeping at that hour, he had his phone to his chest, he must have been awake for a while but he ended up falling asleep, perhaps out of tiredness. That's why his window was still open.

Hongjoong's hair was tangled, strands falling over his forehead and others up, without earrings or rings, he was wearing a one-band large shirt and shorts, his sheet was wrapped around his legs.

I calmed down just a little.

Just a little.

I approached, standing next to him in silence, taking the phone from his fingers and placing it on the side desk. His eyelids moved a little, then he woke up lazily, taking time to understand the situation, looking at me dazedly.

"You scared me." He muttered in a choked voice, quickly wiping his eyes. "How did you manage to come here and why? What happened? I have a lot of questions. Why haven't you answered my messages?"

"You won't get any of the answers you want now." I whispered, watching him straighten himself.

"Why?" He supported himself on his arms. I climbed onto the bed, sitting on his lap. "Ok, I see..." I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing my face closer to his. "My poor girl came to seek comfort..." he murmured bashfully, brushing our lips. "It's okay, I'll take care of you, my love..."

His hands went up my sides, welcoming me with affection, his soft smile hiding a natural perversity. I clutched his shirt in my hands, clenching my jaw.

"I don't want you to take good care of me."

Hongjoong tilted his head, not reacting until he let out a roguish smile.

"Are you upset?"

I pushed his chest so he could lay down again, adjusting myself on his hip.

"I'm more than upset." I took off my hoodie, throwing it on the corner of the bed, ignoring his surprise. "Only you can do this for me, Hongjoong... So help me, love me all night until dawn."

The boy smiled mischievously, sitting again to squeeze my naked torso in his hands.

"How can I say no to you, hm?" He stroked my neck, distributing wet kisses as he moved my hair out of the way, gathering it in his other hand, holding it weakly. "Tell me what else you want me to do to you, alright?" He scratched my skin with his teeth, sliding his tongue in afterward.

I breathed heavily, placing my hands on his shoulders before moving my hips against his, feeling his hand instantly tighten my hair and his breathing quickly stop.

"I want you to hold my hair tight like this." I gasped, tilting my head back. "Hold me tight, kiss me hard, I want you to moan loudly, Hongjoong."

I rubbed myself against his lap more times, enjoying the rotating rhythm that brought relaxation to my body.

"You're so beautiful." I pulled his body close, starting to pant and hear his satisfied grunts. "Don't...you understand how much I want from you yet?"

"I know very well... my angel." He whispered in my ear, squeezing my hips, pulling and thrusting faster, resting his chin on my shoulder.

The next thing I knew, I was hugging the boy, letting him rhythm my hips with more and more force, our moans coming out loose and uninhibited, his trapped hands sinking into my skin while mine grabbed his short, spiky hair.

"So good...So good...give me more." He moaned against my mouth, sucking my lips eagerly. I followed his sly murmurs, laying my head in the crook of his neck before ripping his hands away from me when I was already feeling euphoria dominate my body. "Don't do that..." He hugged me again, thrusting his hips up when I stopped moving on him.

"I'm going to give you a little more, baby, let me go..." I moved away, getting off his lap to take off my lower pieces, watching him do the same until he was only wearing the large shirt, welcoming me again with a kiss on the cheek. "Don't hold back at any point, that's not what I want you to do to me."

"I wouldn't dare go against your wishes in any way." He played with serene eyebrows, panting when I slowly fitted him in, closed my eyes, moving down until I found his hips again. I pressed his lips tightly against mine, unable not to move very quickly, moving up and down, dancing around him. "Ah, fuck..."

I hugged him tightly as his movements increased, taking my hands to his back, sliding my fingers under the hem of his blouse and inside. His hand found my hair, grabbing it tightly, I groaned from the pain, but I liked it enough. "I know you can do more, cutie. Show me." I raised my head, closing my eyes once again and doing what he asked me to do, he let out some weak moans, digging the nails of his other hand into my thigh. I sucked in air between my teeth, clawing his back in an impulse to return the gesture, hearing an "argh" escape from him and a less than happy expression, but consequently a drawn-out moan.

"Don't treat me badly..." He murmured with his lips wandering over my jugular, mouthing the area between the curve of my neck and shoulder, clenching his teeth and letting go of my skin when I let out a loud, tearful gasp, then licking the area. "Your nails gonna leave pretty marks on my back..." he warned quietly, helping me continue the ups and downs when I could no longer do it alone. "I'm returning the favor..."

I continued to feel his bite mark, letting my eyes wander to any corner of the room that wasn't his greedy eyes.

"As you should." I whispered against his face, holding it to take his lips to my lips, he giving in before I even tried to explore his mouth, letting himself fall back on the bed, hugging my torso enough to press my chest against his.

We went into ecstasy, interrupting the clumsy kiss with the last satisfied cries, panting heavily with each lazy thrust that followed until we both no longer needed it.

I came back from the state of euphoria against his neck, being laid down next to him cautiously, his arm around my torso still keeping me close to his body, but far enough away for us to be face to face.

"I'll take care of you. Never doubt that..." He gave me a light smile, resting his hand on the side of my face.

I nodded, holding the soft fabric of his clothe.

"Where is your father?..." I asked, noticing his lack of concern, as he didn't want to lock the bedroom door or hold back for a moment to keep quiet.

"He went drinking, didn't come back 'til now..." he shrugged, calmly. "Nothing new." He combed my hair back, wrapping his finger around the strap of the only piece I hadn't removed. "Why were you upset?"

I explained to him what had happened, letting him take off this last piece of underwear I had left, receiving comforting kisses on the collarbone area. I caressed his hair, taking my time taking off the large shirt that still hid his torso from me.

"I'm sorry, princess." He ran his fingers down my belly, looking at me with some pity in his gaze. I placed my hands on his jaw, making him pay attention.

"Don't feel sorry for me."

Hongjoong stated, resting his arm next to my head, staring at my face above me.

"How can I make up to you then?"

I looked at him for a few seconds and by the thin smile that appeared on his face I knew that he had seen my intentions.

"End that bitch's life, baby. For me, please?" I pulled his face, pecking the corner of his mouth, receiving a weak but evil laugh.

"As you wish, love..." he sealed my lips a little sleepily, holding my thigh next to his hip. "It will be an honour."

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buckys-black-dress · 1 year ago

Text

heaven won't be the same

a/n: hello!!!!! i know it's been, like, a really really long time since i've written for you guys. depression + nursing school = even worse depression. anyways, here's something that i wrote to just kinda get me back into the groove of writing. enjoy!

wc: 5.7k words

warnings: NONE. she's chill today.

[ bucky barnes x nurse!fem!reader ]

Is this is the right place?

Looks like it. Just knock. What's the worst that could happen?

Your hand lifts, albeit hesitantly, and raps against the wooden door.

You wait a moment before you hear shuffling on the other side, and then the lock turning and the door opens.

The blond who opens it stares at you, searching for some sort of recognition in your eyes, but comes up a bit short.

"Can I help you?" He asks slowly, clearly confused.

"Hi, I'm Y/N. I can't remember which one of you I spoke with, I think his name was Sam. But I'm here to look at the room you guys are renting?" You ask gently, maybe you were in the wrong place.

"Oh! You're Y/N! Yes, yeah, I know who you are, come in." Recognition dawns on the blue-eyed boy's face. "By the way, I'm Steve. I don't know how much Sam has told you about us but I wasn't expecting a girl to want to live with three guys." He chuckles and you return the laugh.

"Yeah, I mean I was a bit hesitant at first because I thought I'd get murdered by you guys or something, but Sam made it very clear that you're all very nice people and won't watch me while I sleep." You reply with a small smile.

Steve looks at you in silence.

"Just kidding!" You let out a laugh. "But my mom was a bit worried about me living with three men, but I convinced her nothing bad was going to happen. I hope."

"Hey, seriously though, we wouldn't want to make you feel unsafe. I know being a woman in this day and age in New York can be... less than pleasant. We're big on respect here at 6A." He flashes you a smile that for sure has made a girl weak in the knees before.

"Thanks, Steve. I appreciate that. I mean I know you guys probably weren't expecting a girl as your fourth roommate, so I'm just happy to find space where I can."

"I mean, hey, it's not what we were expecting, but we're not picky people." Steve shrugs. "Wanna take a look at your room? Then we can go from there and get your stuff moved in."

"Sure, sounds great!"

He leads you down the hallway and opens a door, revealing the room you saw on the listing.

After chattering about the room and how they were excited to have you live with them, he takes you back to main living area to wrap up any other loose ends.

"Alright, so like I said we do have two bathrooms so you might have to share with Bucky, since his room is also on that side of the apartment but that shouldn't be a problem. And also, I can help move in your things if you don't wanna go through the hassle of getting moving guys and all that."

"Oh, you don't have to do that for me, I don't mind at all-"

"Hey, no worries, I'm happy to help." Steve smiles and you nod in response.

"Thanks. I didn't know I'd be getting such a deal moving in with you guys." You laugh.

"I'm just happy to help. I'm sure Sam and Buck can also help since they'll be around later tonight."

And so it began.

All of your boxes were in the rented U-Haul at the front of your new home. You text Steve to let him know you're downstairs, and a feeling sits in your gut.

You were nervous to live with three random stranger men. Granted, Sam and Steve were both so nice, and you really are getting a great deal with this apartment, being so close to your work and all.

"Hey Y/N! Let's get this show on the road." Steve comes outside, guns blazing, (literally, have you seen his biceps?), and ready to work.

It only takes an hour or so to get all your things inside, and Sam was waiting inside to take things directly to your new room. Although you still haven't met Bucky, you knew it couldn't be too bad. Steve and Sam were angels.

The first time you met Bucky was when he returned from his shift. He worked as a bartender. He had odd hours and often didn't come back until 3 AM most nights that he worked.

Hence, the reason why he was confused when he saw you in the kitchen in the middle of the night.

"Hey... who are you?" He asked, dropping his keys into the bowl next to the door.

"Oh!" Your head whipped around at the sound of the door shutting "Steve mentioned that you worked weird hours. I'm Y/N." You extend your hand to him. "I'm the new roommate. I hope they told you about me." You huff out a laugh, hoping he wouldn't be completely weirded out by you.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I totally missed that you were moving in today. Don't worry, they did mention you." He returned your smile while shaking your hand.

His large, callused hand engulfing yours made your heart pound in your chest. Jesus. Are all the guys who live here male models? What the hell?

"Well, it was really nice meeting you, Y/N. I'm gonna head to bed, work totally got me shot. I'll see you in the morning?"

"Yeah, yes. I'm usually out the door by 6:30 by the latest, so I'll catch you if you're up." You smile.

"6:30 in the morning? Yeah, no chance I'll see you then but you'll catch me before my shift. I forgot, Sam did mention you were a nurse."

"For sure, I also have the next day off so that'll probably be a bit more realistic."

"How about we go get breakfast that day? On me, consider it a welcome-to-the-apartment gift from me." Bucky's grin spreads across his face, and you can't help notice just how handsome he is.

"Deal, Bucky. Good night."

After you both got over the initial awkwardness, you and Bucky became the most unlikely pair. Sharing a bathroom was breeze, your schedules aligned perfectly some days, meaning that the two of you spent most of your free time together.

It was a strange feeling. You loved becoming friends with Bucky. He was so easy to talk to, and understood you better than most others. It was so natural and easy with him, like you'd known him forever.

But another part of you was falling for him, and you knew it. You chose to ignore it, deciding that it was silly and that you just liked him as a friend. A best friend, perhaps.

At times, he did little things that made you think otherwise, though.

The cuddling during movie nights. The 'I got this for you because it made me think of you's. It was something that ate at you daily.

You two practically did everything together. In a way, it was like being in a relationship, but with no pressure. No expectations. Just two people, hanging out and being there for the other. It meant nothing (but everything, at the same time.)

He was always there for you. After a hard shift, you came home and sat quietly while you talked about whatever it was that bothered you. And after his shifts at the bar, he did the same.

It was almost too easy, the way you two could fall into a rhythms so easily. It was so nice to have someone to have around after moving into a new place. You two clicked effortlessly, it seemed.

And of course, they don't call it falling in love for nothing.

Tonight, you had a night shift, which meant you went to bed all day until about 4 PM and then proceeded to get ready for your evening at the hospital.

You were in the bathroom washing your face and braiding your hair back, then pulling on your under-scrub top.

The door creaks open, revealing a smiling Bucky.

He's dressed head to toe in black; a tight t-shirt that looks like it's a size too small, black jeans, black leather boots, and finally, a leather jacket thrown over his arm.

"I hate when you have the night shift. I'm so lonely during the day, and of course you have it on my one night off." He whines, and you shoot him a look through the mirror.

"Well, I wouldn't have taken the night shift but they were offering extra pay since no one wanted to cover. Sorry, honey." You turn around and pat his chest to move him out of the doorway, an exaggerated pout on your face.

Fuck me, those eyes, Bucky thinks to himself at the gesture.

Your touch sent a flutter of butterflies against his stomach, making him move out of your way so you could pull on your socks and gather your things into your bag.

"Where are you all dressed up for on your night off then?" You ask out loud while stuffing your arms through your fleece jacket.

"I- uh, funny story, actually." He laughs out a cough, "I have a date." He presses his lips together.

"Oh. A date." You stop what you were doing, back turned to him.

You can feel his eyes burning through the back of your head, but you can't turn to face him right now. Snapping out your thoughts, you continue gathering your things.

"Yeah, this girl at the bar, she works as a waitress actually. She asked for my number, and well one thing led to another and-"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Buck. I'm happy for you. Have a great date, I have to run. Good luck." You muster the best smile you can in that moment and practically run out of your room.

"Wait, are you okay?" He asks in a rush, following close behind you.

"Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be? I have to get to work." You were almost an hour early. You stop to fill your water bottle from the fridge and make your escape. "I'll see you tomorrow!" You yell from the hallway before the door shuts, the slam resounding through the emptiness.

The moment of silence in the elevator gets you lost in your thoughts for a minute.

A date.

With a girl who works at the bar.

You don't know why this is hurting your chest so terribly. The thought of Bucky, your closest friend, going on a date, tugs at something.

Whatever happens, you know you can't say anything. It's not your place. You just have to let it run its course, whether it goes in a good direction or not. You have to just do your best to be happy for Bucky.

Meanwhile, back at the apartment;

"Did Y/N leave for work already?" Steve asks, coming out of his room.

"Yeah, she basically ran out even though her shift isn't til seven." Bucky's brows are furrowed, still standing in the middle of the kitchen thinking about how you practically raced to get away from him.

"Why'd she leave so early?" Steve asks in confusion, eyes flashing to the oven, seeing the digital clock flashing 5:56 PM. "It only takes her like 20 minutes to get there."

While discussing, Sam pops out of his own bedroom, listening in on the conversation between the two.

"I don't know, we were just talking about plans tonight and she got really weird, all of a sudden. She grabbed all her stuff for her shift and just bolted." Bucky was incredibly confused, and it was clear in his tone and facial expression.

He looked like a lost puppy.

"So what are you doing tonight?" Sam asks, wondering what was bothering you. Maybe it was something Bucky said?

"I was just hanging out in her room while she was getting ready, and then she asked what I was dressed for and I told her about that girl, Christina, the one from the bar that asked for my number and asked to go on a date. Then she basically ran." Bucky shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what even happened, she even said I 'don't have to explain myself to her,' and that she had to leave."

Steve and Sam shoot a look between each other, the latter breathing out a deep sigh.

"What? What's that sigh?" Bucky asks.

"Nothing, Buck. Have you thought that maybe the date was what was bothering her? You two spend a lot of time together, and maybe she feels a little... blindsided by this date." Steve reasons.

"What? Why would she feel blindsided? I tell her everything. She tells me everything. That's just how we are." Bucky responds with a shake of the head, hands flailing in the air.

"But what about her? Does she tell you about the dates she goes on?" Sam asks, and Bucky's brows furrow.

"What dates? She goes on dates? With who?"

Another look shared between Steve and Sam.

"See, maybe she doesn't go on dates. I really don't know. But that reaction is why she felt hurt by you telling her about you going on a date." Steve explains.

Bucky's lost.

"She has feelings for you, Buck. She has feelings and she's hurt that you're going on a date because she never goes on dates, and now she's realizing that she's going to get left behind in the dust when you meet another girl." Sam supplies.

Now Bucky's even more lost.

"But... why wouldn't she tell me she has feelings for me? She's never even indicated that there was anything she felt for me more than friends do." He explains, now wracking his brain for every single interaction you two have had.

"Listen... we don't know what goes on when you guys are alone. But what I do know is that you guys spend a lot of time together, and I think you guys both have some... unspoken feelings for each other."

Bucky stands there, contemplating what this meant. What was he saying? That he should come clean to you about his feelings for you? That going on this date tonight would be a mistake?

Fuck, the date.

"Listen, I gotta go. My date's expecting me." Bucky quickly dismisses the entire conversation, putting him arms through the arms of his leather jacket before heading out the door.

Another sigh was shared between the two men left behind in the apartment.

There were pros and cons to working the night shift.

Pros included that it was calm, most of the time. Nights meant time to catch up on charting and paperwork while patients slept, checking in on them when needed.

Cons included the fact that one of the major thoughts blaring in your mind was 'WHILE YOU'RE SITTING HERE MEASURING THIS PATIENT'S OUTPUT, BUCKY IS ON A DATE WITH A SUPER HOT GIRL FROM HIS WORK!!!'

It sucked.

You wished you could shut it off. Of course, you always had to make sure you were giving your patients the best care possible, but your mind was plagued.

Would you ever tell him how you felt? Could you ever take that risk? The thought of even telling him, let alone being rejected, makes you sick to your stomach.

He would never speak to you again. It would be weird between you two, and then it would be weird between everyone in the apartment, and you would never be able to show your face again and would have to move out. There’s no other feasible option.

Unless…

Unless Bucky liked you back.

But you don’t even let your mind wander there, because you couldn’t even stomach the thought of not being around them. They were your family, the people you spent the most time with, the ones you could always count on when you had a rough day or needed a shoulder to lean on. Especially Bucky.

You simply couldn’t lose them.

And so, your night shift went on and the world still spun, even with your feelings buried deep in your chest.

When you walked into your apartment at 7:30 AM, there were some things you noticed that weren’t there when you had left.

First, it was the pretty black kitten heels by the door that certainly weren’t yours.

Then, for example, a cute leather purse hanging from a barstool by the kitchen island that wasn’t yours.

You put two and two together, and despite the harsh clench of your chest, you decided you were too tired to even think about all this right now. You just needed to take a shower and go straight to bed.

After staying true to your words, you had just shut the door to the bathroom when you heard it open again. Then, the water running from the tap, and then you see the handle of your door turning.

Immediately, you throw yourself under your covers and act like you had already been asleep. You simply couldn’t face Bucky right now. Not after knowing that he brought that girl home, and not after she was probably still in his bed. That was just too far for you.

With your face away from the door, you try and make your breaths as even as possible, hearing the door click open.

You could feel Bucky’s eyes burning into you, but you weren’t giving yourself away. You needed sleep before dealing with this.

Once you hear the door shut, you let out a big breath, your heart practically leaping out of your chest. And with that breath, you allow your eyes to only well with tears, but not letting them fall.

You woke again at 3 PM, but with knowing you had the next day off you weren’t in any rush to start your day. You didn't even want to move. You felt as though you got hit by a bus, between the racing thoughts about... well you know who they were about; and then piled on with the unexpected code in the middle of your shift, it was not a peaceful night.

You got your much needed rest, but you were in no mood to face Bucky right now.

But alas, your stomach spoke (rather growled violently), and you had to eat something before your stomach folded in on itself.

As you crack the door open to inspect the hall, you see that Bucky's door is closed but you hear noises from the direction of the living room.

You weigh your options.

Go out and make yourself something to eat and possibly face Bucky.

Starve.

Although the latter was looking like a great option, another whoosh from your stomach made you man up and step out of the room.

You couldn't even bring yourself to look at who was in the apartment, eyes dead-set on the pasta sauce you knew was in the fridge.

"Hey, Y/N! How was the night shift?" Sam's chirpy question came from the couch.

"It was alright, had a code but he pulled through. What did you two get up to last night?" You ask, seeing that Steve and Bucky were sitting on the couch opposite to Sam.

You couldn't even look him in the eye, while you knew he was watching you.

"Not much, just had a few beers and chilled til Buck got back, caused quite the ruckus." Sam lets out a laugh, but the words pierced through your heart as you pour the pasta into the boiling pot of water you'd set on the stove.

"Oh, nice." You reply, albeit shortly. You didn't know what to say. But of course, your mouth runs farther ahead than your brain. "How was that date, Bucky?"

You didn't care how the date was. You know she came back here, and you had absolutely zero interest in finding out what they did together. You couldn't handle hearing him tell you about it.

"It was... it was good. She came back here after." Was all he said. He looked at you with those wide, crazy eyes. You wanted to crumble under his gaze, but instead you just turned around to focus on your food.

"Nice. Great. I'm glad it went well for you." You said, not facing him.

The three boys give each other a look, and the tension could be cut with a knife.

Another loud growl from your stomach.

Fuck.

You check and the pasta is cooked. You drain it, pour your sauce and cheese, and practically sprint back to your room with a resounding click of your door through the apartment. Dishes be damned.

Outside, breaths were still held.

"Jesus, Sam. Could you have made it sound worse than it was?" Bucky grits through his teeth, pushing his shoulder aggressively.

"Well, you did bring her back here. Did I misspeak?" He responds.

"No, but we just hung out! Nothing even happened! Why is this even so awkward between us? It's not a crime if I did sleep with her." Bucky defends, but is confused about this situation.

"Well, it wouldn't be a crime, but it sure wouldn't be a good thing that you slept with someone else when you clearly have feelings for her!" Steve chimes in as quietly as possible.

You feel so stupid.

The urge hits you like a truck.

Should you also be going on dates? What was it that was so deeply holding you back from doing what Bucky's doing?

You could make all the excuses you want; busy with work, too tired, and that you were happy with your friendships and current relationships, even if they were all platonic.

But that was all before, when you thought Bucky felt the same.

You thought that he was also happy with the way you two were. Doing all the things people in relationships do, but not speaking out about those deeply-buried feelings. And that was enough. You didn't need someone to tell you they loved you as more than a friend, you didn't need that yearning feeling to be filled.

It was all bullshit, anyways. Right?

Right?

Right.

He could date people and have a girlfriend that he could do all those things with.

It didn't matter.

Because apparently, you weren't that person to him.

So you would just have to accept that and move on with your life.

Alone.

Again.

"Again with these damn feelings! You two don't even know your heads from your asses, and you wanna tell me about how my feelings!" Bucky scrambles for words. He feels hot and uncomfortable all over, all the while trying to not raise his voice.

"Bucky! You felt that tension in here? Right? That was because she had a problem! And it could all easily fixed if you just said, 'Hey, I know this is crazy, but I like you! And I didn't sleep with anyone else because of that!' Huh? How 'bout that?" Sam suggests, like it was the easiest thing to do in the world.

"Yeah, and what if she laughs in my face? What if that's totally not the case?!" Bucky responds.

"Buck, I think you just need to trust us on this one. She likes you and you like her. I don't know what else to tell you to make you understand." Steve finally sighs and drops his shoulders, over this whole conversation.

"Listen, she has tomorrow off. If you two end up hanging out, you need to say something. The tension is just too much." Sam just sighs and turns the TV on, preemptively ending the conversation.

Bucky just went into his room, placed his headphones over his head, and spent some time alone to think.

Let's think rationally.

You went on a date, and you didn't sleep with her.

What Bucky was coming to realize, is that there was a reason he didn't sleep with her.

He just couldn't.

It felt wrong, like he knew that there was a reason why he couldn't do it, subconsciously.

And he fully went into the date wanting to sleep with her. That was his goal. But he knew that if he did, it would be the point of no return. For some reason, he just felt it in his gut.

Realistically, even if I slept with her, I probably would've been sick with myself. I couldn't even face her after that.

But why?

Because you like her, you absolute moron.

He thinks of all the moments shared between you two. The stares, the cuddling, the innocent touches that drove him insane. All of those things added up in his mind to become one big jumble of feelings and now his brain felt like it was going to burst from how much this was all hitting him at once.

He springs off his bed.

Before he even turns the corner into the living room, words are spilling out of his mouth.

"You know what, maybe subconsciously even my body knew not to sleep with her, but even then how could I know for sure she likes me?-"

But there you are, sitting between Steve and Sam, tears leaking out of the corners of your eyes, gazing up at him in shock.

Clearly, you three were in the middle of something.

"You didn't sleep with her?" Your voice is meek at the question.

"No. I couldn't do it." He says, like it was obvious.

"Why not?" You fire back.

"I- I just... can we not do this out here? Please?" Bucky practically begs. He can't confess his deep and utter devotion to you in front of his two best friends. They'd never let him live it down.

"Come with me." Bucky runs into his room, throwing you a hoodie of his that he knew you were partial to, and then slid on his own jacket. Shoes are stuffed onto his feet, and he sees you doing the same, but your eyes never leave his figure in confusion.

The keys are grabbed from the bowl, and the door swings open while he holds it open for you.

Before Bucky lets the door shut, he gives Sam and Steve a final look; meanwhile the two are jumping up and down and pumping their fists in the air silently. It was almost comical.

"Where are we going?" Your voice from behind him startles him a bit, forgetting what he was even supposed to be doing.

"Just- put this on, honey." He hands you his spare motorcycle helmet, and you almost want to protest, but you wanted to see where this was going.

So you comply and hold onto him for dear life while he weaves in and out of traffic.

He stops, finally, in front of the place you know Bucky always comes to when he has too much on his mind.

It's a wide expanse of the city, a rooftop that he somehow had access to; and you weren't sure what you were doing here.

"What are we doing here?" You don't even let your mind think about what he was here to tell you.

Was he here to break the news to you that he was seeing this girl?

But you still couldn't figure out why he would bring you here to tell you that, and why he hadn't slept with her last night. Did she mean more to him than he let on? Is that why he wanted to wait to sleep with her?

The thought sends you heart sinking into your stomach.

"I have something I need to tell you." Bucky pauses and gazes so deeply into your eyes, something swimming in his blue irises, but you couldn't tell what. That was what scared you the most.

"I... I haven't been completely honest with you about how I've been feeling as of late. And I can't keep... keep being dishonest to myself and you, Y/N."

Tears were welling against your lashline, begging to be released at his words.

This was it. It’s all about to be over for good.

He approaches closer, hands coming to your jawline; his hold so delicate and soft that it makes you even more upset.

"Y/N... You are the most important person in my life. I can't imagine sharing any part of my life without you. You're the only person I want to see when I have something on my mind, I yearn for your touch when you aren't there, and lately, I've been confused as hell trying to understand why." His soft voice makes you weak in the knees.

Cue more tears.

"I just... I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you. And I'm sorry I went on that date... I'm sorry for a lot of things."

"Can I ask you something?" You ask quietly.

"Of course, honey."

"Why didn't you sleep with her?"

The weight of the question sits heavily in the air, and Bucky's features soften a smidge.

"I couldn't do it. I tried to get myself into it, into her. Both figuratively and literally." He laughs at his own joke, "but no part of me wanted to spend time with her over you. All I could think about was you. The entire date, I was thinking about what you were doing. What you were thinking about. You're all that takes up my mind these days. It kills me, not being around you when you're gone. I wish I could express to you how much I love you, but there aren't any words that could explain the extent of my feelings for you, Y/N. All I can really say is that I love you. You're my best friend. I can't think of anyone else who has the same effect on me that you have."

All you can think of you when you hear those words is the pounding in your chest and the fluttering in your lungs.

A wet, snotty smile crosses your face and you let out a garbled laugh.

"You love me?" Your hands slide up his chest to his shoulders, fingers grasping onto them.

"For as long as I can remember, honey. You're everything to me. The stars, the moon, the sky. It's all you." He returns the same smile, large thumbs caressing under your eyes to swipe at the fallen tears at his admission. "Do you love me?"

The way he asks you the question makes it sound so minuscule, so minute and almost childish, because you think he knows the answer.

"I do. I love you so much that I can't even think properly when I'm around you, Bucky. You take up every inch of my heart and my mind. I love you." You confess, the words spilling out of you like they belonged to him.

The grin that stretches across his cheeks is almost unreal, like a cartoon character. You could practically see the hearts in his eyes at your words.

The kiss that he molds upon your lips with his own steals all the air out of your lungs, and while one of your hands threads through his soft locks at the nape of his neck and your eyes fall shut, the other slides down to his chest, resting right over his heart.

You feel it against your palm and fingers, the pounding of the organ at the feeling of finally kissing you.

You wish he could feel yours, equally as loud and obvious.

His own hands are cradling your cheeks ever so gently, but the way he's kissing you is anything but. It was full of want, need, yearning. Everything you’ve been waiting for for months, finally being released in this moment.

When he finally pulls away for air, your eyes remain closed. You never wanted this moment to end, and if you opened your eyes now, you're afraid you'll wake and this will all be a cruel dream.

"Let me see those eyes, sweetheart." He mumbles and you can almost feel the words against your lips.

When your eyes peel open again almost drowsily, Bucky's smile is all you see. His nose is still brushing against yours, and you feel weak in the knees all over again at the proximity.

"I love you. And you love me. You know what that means?" He says.

"What?" Is all you can muster to reply at the moment.

"It means I owe those two bozos at home an apology and a beer, probably."

The laugh that escapes you lights him up inside, the sound being his favorite thing in the world. If he could make you laugh forever, he'd die a happy man.

"They knew this whole time, y'know? They actually confronted me about it. I didn't even tell them first. I guess I was just that obvious." You laugh at the memory, Bucky fondly smiling.

"I expect nothing less from them. You should've seen Sam before I left last night. Acting like he was your dad or something." Bucky's large arms come to wrap around you, holding you against his body.

"Oh, I wouldn't wanna be on side of Sam's attitude. I'm glad you made it out alive." You giggle once more, arms looping around his neck.

"Now when we go back I'm gonna have to face the 'I told you so's' from them. Kill me now." He rolls his eyes at the thought.

"Well, if they kill you now, you wouldn't be able to take me out to dinner tomorrow night." You tell him coyly, like the idea was already put in place.

"Huh, seems like you're right, honey. Couldn't leave my one and only girl hanging."

Bucky finally releases you from his hold- not that you wanted to be released of it- and walks towards the stairwell to head back down.

"C'mon. We've got a movie and ice cream waiting for us at home, sweetheart." He holds out his hand, and you don't hesitate to leap forward and grab it in your own.

"Let's go, Buck. I have lots to tell you about my shift last night."

"Oh, I'm sure the night shift was just riveting." He laughs as he leads you down the steps.

"Yeah, well all I could really think about was you being on a date with that girl, so yeah, maybe not the most pleasant time to have all night to yourself." You scoff.

"Well, you're never gonna have to worry about that again, will you?" He steals another peck from your lips, the blush creeping across your face at the gesture.

"I suppose not, no."

fin.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes one shot #mimimi hey guys sorry it's been literally like a decade since i've posted real content but HERE SHE IS !!!

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butter-egg-toast · 10 months ago

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Handsome

Anon ask: Free men reacted to getting called handsome by you (female s/o) or you giving or them a compliment. Thanks

🧈 butter note: Hey 👋 all, I'm back. (A little) My health is doing a little bit better for the new year. So I decided to write ✍️ ☺️. So enjoy

💝💘 Happy Valentines Day💝💘

-----"Ahh, you're so handsome♡♡♡♡"-Y/n----

💕Taken a back by your comment. These guys come off really awkward, but inside, they are super giddy. He's definitely the type that doesn't know how to react to it. Sometimes, they have a hard time taking the Compliment

Haru: "Uhm....thanks.. umm.." He pulls you in an awkward, yet loving hug. "You're cute too," he whispers in your neck. "H-haru that tickles!!"

Sousuke:" Uh, thanks....you too." he sits there in a moment of silence going back to his reading. "Umm. Y/n... .do you want to go out to dinner? It will be my treat, " He spoke in his usual uneventful voice. "Uh... sure. that's random, but okay.!"

Hiyori: "Uh. Do you think so? I wouldn't think as far as handsome, but thank you." he gives you a half smile. "Ahh. Don't be humble!" You crossed your arms. "Sorry. I'm used to people complimenting other qualities that I have, thank you y/n" he kisses your cheek.

💕These guys would definitely become super flirty with you. The type that's used to Compliments and know how to handle them.

Kisumi : "I'm well aware of that." he comes put his arm around you. "But hearing it come from you makes me excited." "Um.. okay? What do you mean exactly?" You look up to him. "Ah y/n, you're making this too easy." he places his hand around your chin, lifting it towards him and kisses you.

Natsuya: "Well, thank you. I hear compliments from everyone. But hearing it come from you gets me going. "Eh?! What do you mean? Your face scrunched up. "Don't you worry about those details." he winks at you, throwing his arm around your shoulder

💕Super shy and nervous after hearing you say it, most likely would continue to remember it after a week.

Makoto: "Ahhh.... thank you *blush* that caught me off guard..." He turns around, covering his face with his hands. "Aww, you're so adorable Makoto♡♡ " You teased him further by poking his back. "Y/n! I'm not!!"

Rei: " Well, thank you, I have tried a new skin routine in the mornings," he pushes his glasses in confidence. "And I love that you notice my beauty," his glasses fog up. "Ptff!! You burst out laughing. "You're too cute, Rei."

Ikuya: "Geez, don't say that out loud. ".. he gets super embarrassed covering his flushed face. "I like hearing your thoughts about me. It makes me feel fluffy inside." Yet again, ikuya gets embarrassed but at his own words. "Ha... yeah, I'll share more with you. "

Aii: "y-you think I'm handsome.... um.. I think you're beautiful... can I kiss you?" He walks towards you, kissing you on your lips. "Oh, someone's bold today♡." You flashed a cheeky grin. "Yes... I'm feeling confident after your comment, "

💕 These guys are a mixture of all three: flirty, embarrassed, and nonchalant. Also, they try their best to act cool and try not to show how happy they are.

Rin: "Thanks....um yeah *scratch neck* You're very pretty too...and sexy." He spoke the last part in a low tone. " Uh huh, what was that last part?" You poke his cheek playfully. "..nothing!!"

Kaede "tsk...... I don't care about that stuff, whatever, " he walks away, but you can clearly see his red ears. "Ahh... you remind me of a stray cat, " you mumble. "Huh?! " He WhipsHis head back to you. " Oh, nothing...♡ " You walked away while chuckling to yourself. "The hell so funny!"

Asahi: " Huh?!.. well coming from you it make me think I'm special" he blushes. "Aww, your reaction is so cute, Asahi," you teased. "I want to hear more of your encouraging words." he wraps his arms around you.

Nao: " Oh? that caught me off guard. Thank you. You're also beautiful, y/n. " he kisses your forhead. "Using your charm on me as always." You began to become flustered "Charm? What charm? You started it, " he giggles at your response

💕 They get super happy. 100% will give you affection throughout the day. They feel more seen and special.

Momo: REALLY?!! You really mean it??!!" He comes up giving you a bear hug. "I'm super happy!!! Hearing that from a CUTE girl like you! " he swings you around. "M-momo chill out.. and put me down!!!"

Nagisa: "Handsome!!! he lifts his chin."Hey! What else do you like about me?! " He flash you his puppy eyes. "Uuhh, I love the way you swim... and you have cute, silky hair. " You ruffled his hair. "Mmhh... y/n... "He pouts while crossing his arms, then his Demeanor changes. "You're so precious.. Come here!!" He jumped at you open arms for a hug

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fuckyeahdindjarin · 2 years ago

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Behind the Seams: Part III

Welcome to the first instalment of Behind the Seams! Thank you everyone who has responded so positively to this slightly self-indulgent idea I had. I know I take so long in between chapters, this seems like a fun way to keep you guys in the loop, and also to keep myself motivated and productive while I work by sharing my thoughts as I go.

This time, I'll be rambling about focusing on the characters as I'm still in the thick of developing personalities and interpretations in the Seams universe, and I'd love to put all the thoughts that have been rattling around my brain into words to help me process it.

I will be tagging these posts as 'behind the seams' together with the chapter number 'seams iii' so you can filter this out if you don't want to see them! For those who are interested, let's dive in below the cut!

Current status: 3.2k written, fully outlined rough draft with most of the dialogue drafted.

Initial thoughts: This chapter wrote far more easily than I expected to so far. Each story is different, but I tend to find the 3rd to 5th chapters hardest to write, when you're building up the shape of the arc of the whole series.

I'm still keeping my options open with regards to what Seams is or can be, but I'm still thinking 'loose fit series' i.e. there won't be a solid, overarching story arc or ending to the series since it's not a plot-driven story. It will be interesting to see if my approach changes after a couple more chapters!

The challenge: The first two instalments were so hyper-zoomed in on Joel and Pin, I knew that the challenge for this chapter is pulling back the camera and seeing how they interact with each other outside the safety of the Outfitters, and how they fit into the wider community.

Joel and Pin: I was re-reading Threads in preparation for writing Part III, and what strikes me is that these two really don't know a lot about one another. They've barely had a fully formed conversation despite the forced proximity and some very charged moments in the last two chapters. I've tentatively written most of their dialogue in this chapter, and it's interesting that a couple of times, I've stopped myself and thought - is this too playful for a shy person like Pin? Is it too familiar with two people who are practically strangers, despite their chemistry? It's a balance that I'll have to find as I edit, and I'm excited to see how it turns out.

Tommy: For some reason, Tommy comes fairly easily to me, a testament to Pedro and Gabriel’s chemistry on screen. Without giving too much away, I'm really happy with the angle I found for Joel and Tommy in this chapter. There's a lot to unpack between the two brothers, but the happy occasion means that I can focus on the good part of their relationship for now. However, I am keeping the tensions in their history in my back pocket because I don't want to gloss over the very real and three-dimensional relationship we saw in the series.

Ellie: I've talked about how I'm nervous about writing Ellie. My Pedro boys are all lone wolves - sure they have their best friends (Teak to Palomino!Jack, Santi to Grays!Frankie, Pete/Rebecca to Consent!Dieter), but Ellie is Joel's kid, and she's part of his life more than any BFF is to my other Pedro boys. Luckily, I have found an in with Ellie that I think works well with the story in Part III, and also fits in with the broader direction of the fic. It's going to be nerve-wrecking, but I'm ready to write her into Seams!

Tess: I'm not in a place to say too much yet about Tess, but it's so important to me that she isn't erased from the Seams universe despite her not being there. I've been thinking a lot about Tess lately, about how she will fit into the story, how Joel will fit Pin into his and in relation to Tess. There are no easy answers, and it will be something to mull over in the next few chapters.

Something fun: Ok, all this character stuff is pretty heavy, so I want to end on a light-hearted note - Joel's tummy makes a cameo in a white undervest 😌

And that's it for Behind the Seams: Part III! I feel a lot lighter having found a space for all the things I have been thinking about while drafting the chapter. I hope this was a fun deep dive for you guys as well, I'll be hitting Google Docs hard this weekend to try to get all of the writing done for Part III so that I can start editing next week. My askbox is always open if anyone wants to chat 🥰

#fuckyeahseams #behind the seams #seams iii

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mouwrites · 1 year ago

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uh hello- I'm nervous as I'm not used to this since I usually just read your stuff without suggesting things! Congrats on 100 followers, you deserve more tbh. I saw your matchup post! For the fandom it's ninjago, my gender preferance is uh... idk? I use she/them pronouns tho. Idm if it's platonic or romantic but I'm lonely irl so I would prefer romantic! I like kids cartoons and I'm pretty energetic and bubbly but uh- very shy and I get nervous very easily (if this wasn't an indicator) okay tysm! congrats on the followers (again lol)

Thank you for your kind words!! Now onto the matchmaking… I match you (romantically) with:

Jay Walker!!

Some headcanons!

You guys totally geek out together all the time

He loves being able to talk about his interests with you

And he loves hearing about your interests

He also appreciates that you can match his energy level with your bubbly personality

Most people have trouble keeping up with you guys

You’re just on your own wavelength

On that note, you guys have SO MANY inside jokes and little references

Sometimes it’s like you’re speaking a different language

You both enjoy the confused looks you get almost as much as you enjoy making the references

You just get each other so perfectly,, you definitely call each other “my other half”

You can frequently be found just talking to each other, all alone, in your own little world

He totally relates to your anxiety; though his is less social, so he has no problem fronting for you in public

Actually, he enjoys it

He gets to be your knight in shining armor :)

He’s very protective of you because of your shyness

It makes him anxious to see you alone in a crowd, so he always tries to keep physical contact in public

Hand holding or pinky locking are his go-tos, but he’s not against putting an arm around your shoulder or waist

This is also how he shows that you’re together

It’s less of a gesture he does out of jealousy, more of something he does to say “hey, I’m with her”

He doesn’t really get jealous over you

He knows that you’re his and he’s yours, that’s all he needs

A little Drabble!

You perked up when Jay walked in, sending a beaming smile his way.

“Hi!! And what are you up to, beautiful?”

You felt your cheeks go a little pink. “Uh, nothing.”

“Are you watching something?”

“Yeah… it’s a kids show,” you said quickly, trying to dismiss him as you half-closed your computer on your lap.

“Cartoons?”

“Yes. But how was your d—”

Before you could finish your statement, Jay dived onto the bed and propped himself up on his elbows next to you. He looked up at you with sparkling eyes; it was a look that he always got when he was excited about something. “Can I watch too?”

You blinked at him, your own eyes wide as an owl’s. “Do you really want to?”

“Obviously!! I freaking love cartoons. And what better way to watch than with my other half?”

A rosy-cheeked smile found your face. “Okay then.”

Jay scooted closer, draping an arm around you and bringing your head against his chest. You nuzzled into him, pressing play on your laptop and watching the cartoon with a newfound giddiness.

And a song!

Meteor Shower (Cavetown)

meteor shower! quick, take cover

But the hues in our hair compliment one another

I'd sell my own bones for sapphire stones

'Cause blue's your favorite color

…

My heart and the earth share the same rule

It starts with love and it ends with you

But don't go outside, it's dangerous tonight

Without me right here by your side

I hope you like this!! This is my first ever matchup hehe ^^ but thank you for your support, I can’t tell you how much you mean to me!

(divider by saradika)

#ninjago #ninjago x reader #ninjago matchup #jay walker #jay walker x reader #jay x reader

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feuqueerfire · 5 months ago

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Unknown Live Blogging

I loveeeeee a younger pursuer character, especially when they've known each other for a while and the older is just like I love you kid (platonic/familial) while the younger is losing their mind with their crush/love/lust. Also, the fact that the novel it's adapted from is literally called Da Ge 大哥 ah, I've gotten more into adoptive or step-brothers trope since I got into live-action BL but I've only just watched Addicted/Stay With Me and Kiseki: Dear to Me 2nd couple, so it's exciting to add another one to the list.

This is also a novel from China that's being adapted in Taiwan so that they don't have to censor it, right? There are several other BLs currently in the works like this.

Anyway, seems like people really like this show (not counting the sex scene in ep 11 or something because I heard so much complaining about that lol), so my hopes are high.

Ep 1 (June 13)

ahhh crazy start/glimpse into future

starts when they're young but have been living together a while already

ahhhh trying to take care of things/the family/his ge by paying the bills using his gift money + some part time job maybe. isn't quite a grownup yet but he wants to be so bad

2007 - when they first met

oh fuck the child being hit with the metal pipe was scary and unexpected

oh man, Qian getting embroiled with gangs and doing their dirty work for money

oof, gonna have to win 3 boxing matches to leave the gang

Ep 2 (June 13)

the teacher saying an older brother is like a father

not them ganging up on Xiao Bao!

dang, Qian's mother hated him because he did well, that's wild

Qian is so attractive like woah

we've reached current year - 2016

Ep 3 (June 13)

Yuan to the rescue

Bao and Yuan's dynamic is so cuteee

damn, Qian mad as hell at Xiao Bao's outfit and it has a bit of the "proprietary" thing that so many father-daughter older brother-younger sister dynamics have (in media at least) but also most importantly it reminds him of their mother who they are both very traumatized by

I'm so nervous, I hope nothing bad happens to Xiao Bao (esp because we know this world has like gangsters and stuff)

Is this guy part of the gangsters? Does he know who Xiao Bao is?

Yuan recognizes the gangster oh no

Sam Lin as doctor, though I must say I would not recognize him if I wasn't already aware of this

sharing a bed

studying abroad mentioned

I don't wanna read thoughts of r/boyslove or look for gifsets on tumblr, I just wanna get to the next episode.

It feels like since they both scold/get upset at Xiao Bao in an attempt to protect her, she's not gonna retain any of the reasons they're worried about her but rather maybe rebel and end up in troublesome situations. please no rape storyline though plsplspls

Ep 4 (June 14)

Yuan's 18th birthday? adult Yuan alright

pls Qian thinking that Xiao Bao's saying Yuan watches porn

it's romantic stuff but is it yaoi/BL? because the one Sweet Summer or whatever novel seemed to be two guys on the cover?

Qian kinda reminds me of Na Jaemin (my NCT bias when I was into them) from some angles

I will forever love helping something with feet, whether it be shoelace tying, giving a massage/a foot bath, or now taking care of an ankle/foot injury. it's not even a foot kink, it's just... idek like lowering oneself... in aid of the other... taking care of them...

Yuan definitely doesn't wanna hear about them seperating and liking other people

this kiss must be in Yuan's imagination

so I guess Qian doesn't suspect Yuan's feelings toward him at all + also doesn't return the feelings (yet + he might be unconsciously feeling something but it's not as intense as Yuan's feelings). However, I'm unclear on whether he thinks Yuan likes boys? Like he saw Yuan's romance novel with 2 boys + asking about the high school class monitor...

Ep 5 (June 14)

I knew this was a daydream because of the dreamy filter + I kinda remember some post on reddit about Yuan's daydream but if I was watching this in real time, I would've lost my shit

oh oh my god okay. "Ge, do you already know that I like guys?" extremely forward and sudden, I wasn't expecting it

ahhh, I can't watch this, it's so T.T. like ik it's very Uncle Jim to Liming, looking out for their young(er) nephew/brother because being gay openly isn't easy but like T.T still

What year is this? 2016 right? while gay marriage became legal in Taiwan in 2019

I love a "it's my business who i like, not yours" or whatever

ah, Qian's nice to Yuan again, he likes gives him a little lecture but isn't like actually homophobic

Xiao Bao turns 18 too

damn, what's up with Qian? head hurts?

pls the colleague (is that San Pang? yeah right?) running into Qian's room to see him and Yuan in bed sleeping and cuddling and being like... hm

pls Qian himself being like "it's not what it looks like" before the other guy even says what it looks like

QIAN WHY ARE YOU TELLING HIM THAT YUAN LIKES GUYS?!

omg San Pang now coming over to talk to Yuan

pls I know why he's asking but the way he's talking about where Xiao Bao sleeps and where he sleeps like hey ! stop

that's her literal brother and they have no parents, I think it's fine if Xiao Bao climbs into her Dage's bed to sleep occasionally lmfao

oh I guess he was talking about Xiao Bao sleeping in Yuan's bed. whelp he'd have a point in that case I guess becuase Yuan def can like these siblings lol he just happens to not like the sister

pls Xiao Bao wants San Pang to ask about her, so whenever he talks about Yuan and Qian the way her eyes roll so hard that her whole head rotates, so funny

not the office fujos Noticing and Observing lol

ahh, Yuan's inner turmoil seeing his "future sister-in-law"

ah, San Pang straight up asking if the one Yuan likes is Qian

I just wanna know when the confession is gonna happen, is it gonna be next ep? because Yuan also has to go abroad (though I don't think that time skip takes too much airtime from what I've read). I want some stuff to happen after confession + after getting together too.

Ep 6 (June 14)

I wonder what role San Pang will play like will he help them figure it out or hinder all the way through? they're kinda hinting him with Lili, so he can't possibly be a "bad guy." I get him dissuading them now or giving them reasons why they shouldn't but once they do, I assume he'll be okay with it at least

"Don't tell me that guy also has some?" oh Qian

Qian feeling pity for Yuan and being like why do you have to like him... oh Qian, oh Yuan

aklsdfjalksdf ahhh Yuan about to me a drunken mess at this important work function plssss I'm nervous. but also... does the confession happen when Yuan's drunk? Is it gonna happen this ep?

Feng Ning is so cool I love her. if Yuan does anything that upsets her I'll get mad at him im negl

oh omg I have an image in my mind of when Yuan confesses maybe and it was not in this outfit and they were also maybe sitting, so the i like you and attempted kiss was like oh!

It also stressed me out that they're still at work

woahhh it hurts so good the way Qian not only punched Yuan but also didn't stop to care for his wounded hand

ahhh Qian avoiding Yuan and the home entirely

studying abroad plan on

Aw, Xiao Bao who is like ? wtf is going on, why are my brothers fighting and also Yuan literally going to NY

is that Yuan sitting on the floor with his paper on his face and crying? yes, same sweater stripes

The angst is done well. The situation must happen (I was anticipating the fallout from the confession so much!), it's not overdramatized (Qian reacts badly but then just avoids Yuan for the rest and Yuan tries to apologize a bunch but doesn't force anything when Qian ignores him), the acting-writing-directing are all good. I'm also liking the consequence of him moving away to a different country (for a few years?) because he's known Qian all his life and practically only talks to Qian, Lili, and sometimes people like San Pang or a classmate but he'll broaden his horizons now and it'll be less "he loves Qian because he only knows him"

Ep 7 (June 14)

damn, Qian's apparently been so apathetic that San Pang's like maybe I shouldn't made Yuan stay so that at least you wouldn't be like this

Qian's alcohol problem + his chronic headache bruh

San Pang straight up asking if Qian has feelings for Yuan too and Qian does not deny it

also it's been 2 years right? since it's 2018 now and 2017-2018 were blank for Yuan's height

Qian is truly so attractive. his face but also his mannerisms and expressions and gestures. woah. and of course my forever weakness: nice smile and there's a dimple too

2017 - 2023?! omg 6 years? that's a lot, I was expected 2-3 fr

Qian continues reading Yuan's texts but not replying to them. then impulsively calling Yuan and immediately hanging up again

first reciprocal contact in 6 years, if I was Yuan that call would've made me lose my whole entire mind fr

Bro, it's actally Qian who's losing his mind because he's sitting on Yuan's bed in Yuan's room and texting Yuan to come home if he misses it

Xiao Bao has truly become grown up model Lili

San Pang is at the office gathering, so who did she see at the door? would Yuan already be at home lmfao

ah, indeed Yuan's here lol

Yuan and Lili antics begin again, how fun

From a few Tumblr posts, I thought Lil iand San Pang's relationship was gonna get exposed? next ep i guess.

also saw some gifs that Yuan's gonna be petty toward Qian next ep and I'm so excited, how did people wait weekly for this? I can barely wait for tomorrow.

Ep 8 (June 15)

starting this around 7:30pm because I had to watch Wandee Goodday episode today. Hope I like this episode than I liked Wandee's

ah, Yuan's so bold now "Have you seen enough?"

The fact that Yuan made eye contact with Qian before handing the drink over to Xiong-ge. Qian expectantly holding out his hand but having to retreat and check afterwards that nobody else saw lmfao

It's killing me that Yuan keeps looking at the other two ges during the conversation while Qian keeps glancing at Yuan and can't keep his eyes off of him even when he tries

Yuan even thanking San Pang for making him go to the states...

the hickeys?!

Qian's incredulous look at 8:00 is really so Na Jaemin, why does he remind me so much of him

I would say Qian's slow for not catching on that they're together somehow but ig San Pang and Lili are LDR since she doesn't even live here anymore? and so Qian's not aware of it? but it's also funny to think his brain was barely working while Yuan wasn't here but managed to deduce it by glimpsing the hickeys as soon as Yuan came and Qian's brain started working again lmao

damn, Lili's literally shaking her head no, how dare San Pang make the executive decision to confess to Qian?

NOT THE BUTCHER KNIFE LMFAO

Yuan literally sitting back and eating fruits on the couch as he observes is so funny

and his smiles lmfaooo

and only inserting himself when Xiong-ge brings up Qian dating somebody else lmfao he's a menace

Yuan calling Qian as Wei Qian instead of ge is so .

Qian's mad because the two of them are dating and there's an age difference and San Pang's known Lili since she was a child and he figured it out through hickeys and he's the last to know and all those reasons but also... he's probably also mad that why isn't he with Yuan then? If those two can do it, why not him too?

Yuan knowssssss he's getting to Qian

I've seen a glimpse of a gif of Yuan feeding Qian ahh

and now that Yuan's indeed giving him his full attention at the table, Qian can't look at him

Qian's losing his mind and I along with him

Yuan's so bold now, it makes me nervous like chilllllll, move back like the way he kept walking toward Qian and nearly kissed him alksdfjla;ksfj

Yuan is suchhh a menace, the way he starting speaking loud and clear when he heard Qian at the door

my mom dragged me away right then but I'm back

plss he's talking about how he also likes somebody and both Xiao Bao and Ge know that person. lmfao. menace.

Xiao Bao reading from a script lmfaooo

Yuan truly is such a menace, sliding the family vacation into Lili's script pls

cryingggg Xiao Bao ditched the family trip to go to Milan

Yuan kept poking until Qian finally says to not keep feelings for him anymore, only to hit him back with "what makes you think i still like you?"

Yuan saying Wei Qian really does me in. "Wei Qian, don't you like Wei Zhiyuan?" was woah

agh, A'Le and gangsters next ep. hmph

I've been curious to see which other age gap older male/younger female ships I like because they usually give me major ick but I'm such a fan of age gap ships in m/m-f/f-noona romances. I think History 3: Trapped side side ship with the sister and bulter man is the only one I can think of and they barely existed lol. So I want to like San Pang and Lili, especially when she said she's the one who pursued him (I'm into that trope a lot too; like Yuan's also the younger one pursing the older one) but I wish San Pang wasn't a hypocrite/homophobe because if he's into Lili and has no problems getting with her but so disapproved and dissuaded Yuan, like the reason is homophobia yes? I wanted him to come to The Realization that Yuan liking Qian is... fine-ish when he developed feelings for Lili, not have him separate the two situations.

Ep 9 (June 15)

so many things to do but I'm watching this instead, goddammit. but been a little while since i've been so eager to binge and watch next ep (Kiseki and Triage last month I think)

Also, I saw a post that had a clip from the trailer that hasn't happened yet or something and I didn't watch it but there was text about how Qian looks Yuan in the eye when he confesses... omg now I'm so excited to see when that happens. I hadn't been thinking about how they'd actually come together but a confession must happen and I'd be very happy if Qian's the one who does it this time, even more so if he's very tortured about it

oh, abroad was 4 years ago? not 6

I like Yuan's whole spiel about I can't stop liking you but this is enough

Yuan calling Qian out on his bullshit, he can't kick Yuan out again

Qian can tell when Yuan's lying/hiding something

hmm they're calling Qian the snitch and the cops came back then... I feel like Qian didn't do it since he himself was involved

when's that napkin with the poem from?

what is the plan exactly? Lin's telling Yuan to remember that Qian cares about him...

damn, Yuan left for a trip with very short notice?

"You're acting like a wife trying to catch her cheating husband" read the room, San Pang. you can't tell this to Qian who is trying to not be in love with his didi

Dr. Lin so funny. also did We Best Love have eating raw noodles? I feel like it did...

Wei Zhiyuan means "belongs to Wei"

no but what was Yuan plan actually because mans just went to their lair, asked for Le-ge and now is just getting beat up lmfao

scary, Le-ge's got bullets

please why are we doing Russian Roulette rn T.T

Can't have a bullet in there if he's doing it on himself, right? I didn't see how many bullets he put in there. or is he just fucked up in the head enough to do it anyway lol

Qian hugging Yuan in desperation

omg that napkin was literally what Yuan wrote as he thought they were his last words stuck on a mountain during his study abroad. and Qian was avoiding speaking to him during that time godddd, what a tragedy it would have been

and it's a good time to reveal that since they just did the russian roulette for e/o

I don't wanna read ppls thoughts or look at gifsets, I wanna just watch the next episode omg but I won't look at anything after ep 10 until I finish the whole thing since ep 11-12 spoilers will also be there, so I should look at stuff now.

Ep 10 (June 16)

Qian remembering everything Yuan's said and done

nose bleed...

parallels w the hair drying and cuddling to sleep, it'd be funny if san pang woke them up again

does Qian think he'll die

lmaoooooo San Pangcame but unfortunaly Qian was aklready downstairs

i knew bout this blood clot

not the i wish i could tie you up with a rope

Idk how Qian thinks he could possibly hide this from Yuan lol I'm surprised he hadn't just listened in or bothered Lin about the info

the three of them just exchanging eye contact and the focus from San Pang -> Qian with a zoom! sound effect was very funny

Yuan is so funny to San Pang lmfao he keeps being like San Pang ge thank you <3 to the point of uncomfortableness

welp indeed Yuan figured it out on his own

ah, Yuan's mad that Qian hid it from him and keeps saying he'll deal with it on its own

Qian made all of Yuan's favourites to try to win him over askdf but Yuan's still mad

Yuan taking a brief break from ignoring Qian's existence to take away greasy food/beer and give him and San Pang salad instead

San Pang once again telling Qian to consider Yuan and getting with him seriously

Did he not that he wants Yuan to have a future without him?

I think I got a little lost about what exactly led to Yuan storming out but ahhh that convo, fuck. Qian's turmoil and inner conflict and Yuan being like it's mind to deal with, not yours but Qian not being able to let Yuan go.

Ep 11 (June 16/17)

I wanna binge these last 3 eps but it's Eid so I'm busy and gotta watch the rest later. I'm really excited for this ep since it's gonna have the confession and also the sex scene but I know it made everybody fucking mad because of the editing (they had flashbacks to them as kids?) + position top/bottom implications/confusions lmfaoo

The first time Qian took initiative to grab Yuan omg

wait, we're already going into the house okay

I need a pillow or stuffed animal to dig my nails into rn omg i keep grabbing air

what was the more correct translation of "I've been waiting all my life. This isn't fast at all." that made me lose my mind when I saw it and I hadn't even been watching the show back then

"You don't even know what I dream about you at night" hah. hahahah. haha. ok

hello why are we having flashbacks to a conversation from 5 minutes in between the sex scene instead of just... being linear??? I didn't know this happened bc it got drowned out w the other complaints ig lmao

yeah, interspliced scenes we haven't seen before + flashbacks of scenes we've seen during a sex scene are already annoying but then WHY ARE THERE CHILDHOOD FLASHBACKS. this is not the time to have kids on my damn screen wtf

also I just kinda took top Yuan from that, is it top Qian in the novel or something because I feel like people mentioned that it seemed one way but it wasn't supposed to be that way? or is it because the scene where Yuan had his bare legs splayed that gave the illusion of bottom Yuan and people didn't like that? I'm so curious

domestic morning kissing, they've really come all the way here

Lili's home?!

a fight? girl lmao ig Lili's the normal sibling who's not guessing that her other siblings are fucking, biologically related or not

what is this Le/Lin scene lmao

fancy dinner date at the same gangster restaurant as always lol but apparently Qian's reserved the whole place and made it romantic

Enough angles for one kiss!

restaurant owner gang uncle just witnessing all this lmfao I think it'd be hilarious if he gossips with Le-ge about Qian and his brother kissing

fuck, this nerve and surgery stuff is so scary fr

Okay, finished the last 10 minutes while having lunch the next day because I had to leave yesterday. Good to see both Yuan and Lili care about Qian and want to take care of him and such. Qian took up smoking again in all this stress. I still don't fully get all the mom stuff beyond she thoroughly abused him.

The sex scene was like... what??? and I'm glad I was already aware of its issues because I would've gone beserk if I was watching this weekly for 10 weeks and got that in return wtf. The whole show relies on their emotions and inner conflicts but it felt like neither aspect was truly explored in the scene and made worsened with the horrific editing.

Also I can't fucking reblog but this is maybe the post I was talking about with the translation during the sex scene. Yuan's line implies he's masturbated thinking about Qian which is like the most unsurprising thing ever.

Ep 12 (June 17)

Final episode, hope it at least ends well

Lili figures it out. she's kinda upset that she's the last one to know about it, her lines remind me of when Qian found out about her and San Pang haha

but what does she wanna say, why am I nervous that she's pregnant

lol Qian liking that Yuan's trying to help him out at work

I'm suddenly embarrassed, I really can't do office romances

Xiong-ge showing support in his awkward ways is nice

hehhehe Yuan coming to pick Qian up from work dressed up so nice and Qian kissing him outside after checking nobody's around

I got stressed out by Yuan kissing Qian at work omg in broad daylight with people around

yeah the office fujo will certainly keep this a secret lol as if a bunch of them weren't already gossiping like 4 years ago or whatever

I can't handle office romances guys my body shrivels up and my toes and fingers curl, I'm so embarrassed. can the employees stop squealing about it in public. I'm so stressed out by office gossip even if it's like shippy/supportive. also the excited fujo character can sometimes work for me in high school/college shows because it's like young characters but this in an office is like. no. their family and friends can know but i don't need to see their coworkers finding out unless it's meant to be a point of conflict

how can you be discussing top-bottom dynamics of your boss with your colleagues!! and asking your other boss about it !!!! let's get serious I hate this, I should skip through

HOW CAN YOU ASK THIS TO YOUR FUCKING BOSS?!?!?!?!? HOW CAN THIS BE A POSSIBLE THING?!?!?! this show is generally so grounded, even in it's more out-there aspects, that this is like... what world are we in? so inappropriate and also like probably homophobic because you would not be asking this if Qian was dating a woman

are they insinuating Qian's the top/tiger? That does not go with what I want form this trope so I'm ignoring it lmfao I can do verse because I can almost always ship verse but with the younger-guy-deeply-in-love-with-and-madly-pursues-older-guy-who-is-resistant-and-conflicted trope, I like a younger top

but i think people were also annoyed about this suggestion of top Qian lmfao, I think I remember reading comments about it

ah, Lili is indeed pregnant

aw, hug before the questioning but it's like genuine, not from anger. Especially important for them because their mother was terrible and they don't want a child to go through that again obvs

pls San Pang's also here loll I think it's good the ways they were all in different rooms

the panic when Xiao Bao knelt and the 3 of them also scrambling to kneel, especially when Qian also knelt

aw, Qian really was their da-ge, father, and mother all in one

Qian's afraid Lili will follow in their mother's footsteps (pregnant then married young) and be unhappy

why is this so good T.T

I can't believe the messy sex scene from last ep and the utter bullshit that was the office scene in this ep made me forget for a bit how good this show can be

Damn, they're really saving the surgery thing for the very last few minutes. anyway ik he doesn't die because everything would've gone up in flames if that happened

omg how much timeskip, there's a whole baby now

The office discussion actually made me so uncomfortable, it was so inappropriate and unnecessary, why didn't we take that time to... just show at least a bit of the surgery and aftermath or whatever? Like that was such a huge thing in the past 2-3 eps but it just... disappears and we assume it was successful bc of the ending

Overall:

I'm so glad I got over my pseudo-incest brother-lover aversion because I can now watch this stuff in delight. Though I must say, my favourite aspect of this show is the little family trio with Qian, Yuan, and Lili, with San Pang occasionally invited as well. I loved how they cared for each other and how though Lili was left out of the romantic duo inside their trio, it didn't feel like she was forgotten or sidelined. They each had specific relationships with each of the other people, their interactions had their own flavours and it was so good.

The romance itself hm I think the development was nice, especially from Yuan's side since we saw how he thought of Qian and how he supported him and such. We also saw a bit of how Qian was so lost when Yuan was gone that even San Pang was wondering whether Qian liked Yuan and it would've been better if they hadn't sent him away. It just feels like since there was so much angst and build-up for like 10 episodes, their actual coming together should have been grander. The sex feels a bit sudden, I don't think it should've happened right after that conversation because Qian was barely ready to admit whether he saw Yuan as more romantically than just a brother, and then the editing of it all was terrible.

The surgery stuff also kinda dwindled, if they'd brought it up, I wished they would've at least shown the direct aftermath or whatever. I despised how we had the office Yuan/Qian gossip for so long in episode 12, we could've used it for better things. At least we ended with the Lili pregnancy announcement and coming together over that, which reminded me just at the end why I liked the show.

Some other things I really loved: 1) Qian's face, holy shit. Qian is so beautiful, like incredibly attractive to me, woah. Reminds me of Na Jaemin who I was also taken by when I stanned NCT; is it the lower half of their faces/their mouths? 2) The 2 scenes where Qian finds out Lili and San Pang are dating in ep 8 + finds out Lili's pregnant in ep 12 and just going to kill San Pang lol (also loved how Yuan was enjoying it in ep 8 but was helping San Pang and Lili out in ep 12 lol). 3) The episodes, especially the earlier-middle ones, were so addictive, I didn't end up reading the on-air reddit threads because I was too into watching the next ep instead of reading about it.

In the end, I don't think I'll think about it often, especially not the Yuan/Qian ship unless just to remember the brother-lover trope and even then, Kiseki's Chen Yi/Ai Di gave me more intense brainworms for a similar trope I think. I'm disappointed that I didn't love the show, its flaws are at moments that are too important. So deeply conflicted about whether to give 6 or 6.5, I'll go with 6.5 for now.

Rating: 6.5/10

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