#i'm turning 30... which isn't bad but like

[megtheviper]

birthday... Soon™️... _(:\」∠)_

[tpwk-formula1]

Kinktober Day 7 - Spanking - CL16, MV1

Charles Leclerc X Max Verstappen X Reader

TW - Spanking, punishment, double penetration, Mean Max, Mean Charles, Bratty reader, squirting, degrading terms

WC 2300+

Y/N POV

"Please, Charles! Max isn't home right now," I beg Charles for the third time in the past 10 minutes.

"Amour, you know damn well he will have both of our asses red if he finds out. Which he will," Charles tells me.

"Fine," I say while getting up with an eye roll. I make my way through our Monaco apartment with Leo hot on my trail before I make it into our shared bedroom where I find Jimmy and Sassy both happily sleeping in their cat tree.

I make my way to Max's side of the bed where I grab my favorite vibrator before quietly sneaking into our guest room and shutting the door behind me. Double checking to make sure the door is locked before stripping myself completely and making myself comfortable on the guest bed.

I decided if Charles wasn't gonna make me cum cause he wanted to be good then I would take matters into my own hands and deal with the punishment later. That is if I even get caught.

I'm not even 5 minutes into my solo session when I hear the front door open and Max announcing his arrive.

"Im home, liefde," Max announces making my anxiety peak a bit knowing exactly what is going to follow as soon as he realizes where I have gone off to and what I was doing.

At this point it was too late to turn back so I might as well make the most of it.

"Where is Y/N?" I can hear Max ask Charles while I have the vibe firmly places against my clit. I whine out at the sound of my boyfriend's voice knowing even if I find a way to cum in such a short amount of time it won't feel half as good as it would if it was Charles or Max.

"She's mad at me," Charles replies back to Max. I can only imagine the confusion that is starting to set in for Max. It was rare for me to be mad at either of the boys and even more rare to disappear when mad instead of solving the problem before it could get any worse.

"What did you do to her?" Max asks making me smile a little but it quickly drops when I remember my ass is about to be at his mercy.

"She's needy. Like so fucking needy. She begged me no less than 5 times to play with her in like a 10-minute span," Charles informs Max.

"So where is she?" Max questions again not understanding why I suddenly disappeared. I normally just continued to beg Charles knowing he would eventually break.

"I'm sure in our room. She kinda just got up and left," Charles tells him honestly. It's like I can feel the wheels turning in Max's head because no less than a second later I can hear both of my men pass the guest room door straight into our room. Then back to my door where I'm sure now that they are focusing their ears, they can hear the soft hum of the vibrator.

"Y/N you have 3 seconds to open this door!" I hear Max's loud voice ring out, making my anxiety reach an all-time high. It's not the bad kind of anxiety but the kind you feel waiting for the best roller coaster in the whole park.

Knowing my punishment is already going to be bad enough I truly don't want to test him, so I clip the power off of the vibrator and rush to open the door.

when I get the door open I find Max with his arms crossed over his chest and Charles is just shaking his head knowing it's about to be a long night because of my actions.

"Get on the bed on all fours and wait for us," is all Max says which has me a little more confused than anything. Normally when I'm about to get punished Max takes matters into his own hands and physically moves me where he wants me to be.

"Give her 30," Max tells Charles as soon as I'm situated and my ass is in the air waiting for the punishment. I have my head turned so I can watch them and I can see the confusion written all over his face.

"Why?" Charles asks clearly not excited to be the one to hand out the punishment. While Charles did occasionally dominate me he was always more about pleasure not pain.

"She wanted to play with you, not me," Max tells him like it was the most simple thing in the world.

"Max, please. You always punish us," Charles tries to reason still not understanding why it had to be him.

"Charles, you know how she is when she's needy. She's going to find a way to cum with or without either of our help. You left her alone, so you're serving her, her punishment is your punishment for letting her be alone long enough to get a toy and lock herself away in another room," Max tells him finally revealing his plan.

"Please Max, I do not want to hurt her," Charles tells Max letting his dow eyes droop a little more than normal.

"She fucking loves this shit Charles and you know it," Max tells him. I can see from here Charles is really fighting with himself. He was the good boy and did everything Max told him but this was new for him. He had never once been the one to dish out one of my punishments and he was struggling to grasp at the idea.

"Color, Charles," Max finally asks seeing the same things I'm seeing. While it was technically still a punishment we made these rules because we enjoyed the dynamic and regardless of it being a punishment or not we had safe words for a reason.

"Green," Charles finally answers softly while making eye contact with Max.

I watch as Max makes his way to the bed where strips down into nothing before sitting right in front of me just out of reach.

"No. Stay there and watch me," Max says when I try to crawl closer to him so I can take him into my mouth. I just let out a loud whine before settling in and waiting for my other boyfriend to dish out my punishment.

The first slap to my ass rings out through the room making me whine at the sudden contact.

"1" I softly count. When I felt another one it was on my other ass cheek making me gasp.

"2" I continue my counting.

"She thought this toy could make her cum just as good as we can," Max says in a teasing manner clearly enjoying watching his loves play.

"No, I just needed -" But couldnt finish my sentence before another slap was issued on my ass. One that had more force than the other too. It took me by such a surprise I lost my breath.

"3" I gasp out when I finally remember how to breathe again. While this wasn't the hardest spanking I had ever received I wouldn't have known it wasn't my dutch boyfriend if he wasn't sitting right in front of me.

"Give her 5 in a row," Max informs Charles making it clear that while Charles might be handing out the punishment he was still the one in charge.

The next five spanks rang out in the room making me whimper at each one.

"8" I count again once Charles finishes the quick 5.

"Fuck, Charlie. Too much," I whine due to how rough he was being. I loved every moment of it, was just shocked at how hard he was spanking me.

"Shut up, Cherie," Charles replies back laying another group of 3 slaps on my glowing ass.

"11" I gasp in surprise looking up at Max to find the same look of shock on his face.

I can feel Charles rubbing my ass in a rough yet soothing manner before his hand left my ass before raining down on my ass again.

"12" I say right before I felt another one ring out.

"13"

"14"

"15" I gasp lightly falling forward on the bed from the force of each slap no longer having the strength to hold myself up.

"Give her a second," Max tells Charles sternly when he aggressively grabs my hips to sit me back up.

Max leans forward stroking my hair while I let a few stray tears fall at the pain.

"Color, liefde," Max asks me making sure I'm still enjoying everything.

"green, Maxie," I whisper out before feeling another slap on my ass.

"16" I continue counting just like how I was trained to do.

I feel another series of slaps on my ass all directed in the same spot making each one hurt more than the one before.

"20" I finally gasp once I catch my breath from the shock of it all.

I start to feel a series of spanks reign down one my ass all in different spots this time all the while Charles is lecturing me.

"I can't believe you're brattiness got me in trouble. I was the fucking good one, you were the damn slut and now I'm in trouble," Charles says while finishing out my punishment.

"30" I cry out once the abuse to my ass has finished. As soon as Charles steps back from my ass I collapse on the bed and start crying softly. Not necessarily from the pain but from the fact that I had gotten Charles in trouble with me even though he had done all the right things.

I feel myself being pulled into the arms of one of my boyfriends and only know who it is from their smell.

"Amour, it's done," Charles says softly making me whine into his neck and gripping onto him a little harder.

"I'm sorry Charlie. Didn't know I would get you in trouble too," I mumble into his neck making him laugh a little.

"It's okay amour. I kinda liked watching your ass glow a beautiful shade of red from my hands. Like my own little art piece," Charles announces clearly proud of the work he had done.

When I finally come back to earth completely I lean over towards Max and pull him in for a kiss which quickly turned into him pulling me out of Charles's arms and into his lap where he instantly sinks his hard cock into my tight pussy. He slid in with almost no resistance simply from how soaked I was.

It didn't take Charles long to join us by slipping behind me where I feel his fingers slip into my ass using my own arousal to make it slick.

"Oh fuck," I moan out when I start bouncing on both Max's cock and Charles's fingers.

"Cum, you little slut," Max tells me which has me instantly shaking from the intensity of the orgasm I was having.

I'm not even fully recovered before I feel Charles slipping his cock into my ass stretching me even more.

"Fuck," I scream out from the stretch and burn I was feeling. They both allow me a few seconds to adjust to their size before they both start moving in me.

"So fucking tight. We spend so much time in these holes and you're still as tight as the first time we played with you," Charles whispers in my ear making me moan.

"Such a little whore, taking two cocks like you were made for it," Max whispers in my other ear, sending chills down my spine from his dirty words.

"Our little whore is about to cum again," Max announces as if Charles didn't know.

"Cum for us, Cherie," Charles tells me which has me letting go and falling over the edge. I feel myself start squirting all over the three of us. While I'm still squirting I try to pull myself off of their cocks but Max holds me in place and continues fucking me in a brutal pace making all of my juice stray all over.

"Next time you cum, it's gonna be when we fill you up with our cum," Charles tells me making me shake.

At their pace, I can feel myself growing close faster than I would have liked.

"Close," I gasp between moans.

"5" Max starts both Charles and I's cum count down. It wasn't something we did all the time but when we did Charles and I loved it knowing by 2 or 3 we are both ready to cum.

"4, both you little whore better hold it," Max grits out making it clear that he was also on the same edge we were on.

"3" Max finally says after what felt like forever even though it was probably only a couple of seconds.

"Please, Max" Charles moans out making it clear he wasn't gonna last much longer.

"2, Charles, you better fucking hold it," Max grits out again continuing his brutal pace on my pussy.

"1, cum for me," Max grits out which has all of us falling over the edge together. I can feel cum filling my ass and pussy helping me ride out the most intense orgasm of the night.

Once we all come down from the high of our pleasure, I feel Charles slowly slipping from my ass making me whine own from the burn of it.

"Sorry, Cherie," Charles whispers out once he's fully out. He leans down and gives the back of my head a couple kisses.

I slowly start climbing off of Max's dick making both of us hiss in from the sensitivity we were both going through.

We give ourselves a couple of minutes to regroup our thoughts before we start our aftercare routine. Which consists of plenty of kisses, reassurance, a shower, and of course plenty of cuddles with our fur babies.

[qqueenofhades]

I think the Aaron Sorkin fic people are writing about the convention to be extremely silly. It's going to be Biden. And if Biden's health takes a downturn and he feels the need to step down its going tk be Harris. This fantasy where we skip over her to whip up two random white guys(or like maaaybe Witmer) and somehow cruise to victory instead of fragmenting the party months before the election is simply not going to happen.

Look, I'm just saying, I got an email from the Biden campaign this morning where they seemed pretty darn happy with the actual (i.e. not-bloviating media) results of the debate: $38 million raised in 4 days ($30 million from individual small-dollar donors), 10K new volunteers in a week, 3x surge in campaign volunteers for battleground states, essentially no change or even a modest boost in the polls. So I think at this point, we can cautiously conclude the following things:

The debate looked bad for Biden, perhaps, but doesn't seem to have hurt him nearly as much the incredibly bad-faith BIDEN NEEDS TO STEP DOWN NOW takes being pumped out by the NYT and its other compatriots would suggest. Especially when these same media outlets have been gleefully sabotaging Biden at every turn for years already and whose fake-sanctimonious hand-wringing "for the good of the nation" pieces honestly should get them dropped into Superhell for Bad Journalists;

Biden went to Raleigh NC right after the debate and gave a fiery rally speech that was very well received. Now, I don't know why we didn't have that Biden at the debate, but it was the same night and there clearly was not any "cOgnItiVe dEcLinE" happening there (also Biden has a stutter and has for literally his entire life, and had a cold on debate night, so it was just an unfortunate confluence of factors)

There are very few actually undecided voters in this election (once again: HOW???) and those who tuned into the debate were largely already convinced of which candidate they were voting for and this didn't do much to change their minds. Just like, you know, pretty much every other debate in the history of presidential elections.

Ordinary voters, and not mainstream media outlets with BIDEN IZ BAD goggles clamped over their eyes, were able to see Trump's insane Gish gallops, lies, and full-blown dementia; this isn't going to get any better for him when he's already lost 20%-25% of GOP voters in every state primary and still is going to be sentenced in his criminal trial;

The D.C. political elite screaming about how Biden should step down (FOUR MONTHS BEFORE THE ELECTION) and leave the Democrats to start from scratch with some Star Chamber-selected candidate with no money and no incumbency record and no organization apparatus and a divided party are either fucking weapons grade morons or working secretly for Trump, because that IS in fact the best way to lose the election;

Such speculation seems to fall chiefly on Gavin Newsom, who (to his credit) has shut down any and all suggestion that he should try to step in and take the place of an incumbent who has won every state primary with 90% or more, because he's remotely sane and understands that this year is too important to fuck around with;

I've somehow never seen any suggestion that Biden should step aside for the duly elected (brown, female) Vice President, because everyone seems to think some Young Miraculous White Guy is coming and/or should step in;

All this while SCOTUS is clearly so confident of Trump getting back in that it's willing to grant him Absolute God King status pre- and post-emptively;

Yes, Biden needs to up his game before the next debate (though that's on Fox News iirc, blargh), but I think it's far enough post-debate that we can say it was bad but did not sink him, and if anything, reinforced the fact to many ordinary, non-brainwormed voters that Biden is old (which has been the number one chief theme of news coverage for four years and is no surprise to anyone) but is a decent and principled man doing a good job, while Trump is an absolute gibbering insane orange shitmonger fascist. I don't think he did himself any favors in that regard.

....anyway. The point is, do not be fucking insane people, Biden is not going to step down and frankly shouldn't, don't read the NYT (as noted, they've openly admitted to sabotaging him for personal ego reasons so I don't know why the hell anyone would listen to what they have to say about him), this is still an eminently winnable election, and let's go get those motherfucking fascists. I want Trump in jail and all of SCOTUS and the MAGAGOP fucking crying over it because they fucking suck. Let's go.

[golden-cherry]

deal - cl16 (30/?)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Series Summary: Your whole life has gone to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the Monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it’s his apartment.

Chapter Summary: The Leclerc family dinner is something else.

Warnings: this is just cute, mentions of injuries (due to Monopoly), alcohol consumption, Arthur Leclerc

Word Count: 3.8k

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A/N: happy birthday to the lovely anon from yesterday! this is not smutty, but I hope you'll still like it! feedback is appreciated!

When Charles brings the rickety Renault to a halt and pulls the handbrake, you can hardly believe your eyes.

The car is parked in front of a large, white house that is surrounded by green ivy on one corner. The black roof perfectly matches the black shutters leaning against the wall of the house, giving you a glimpse of the interior. Above the double doors of the entrance is a small balcony with a black metal fence and small flower boxes in which beautiful, colorful flowers are sure to bloom in summer.

It looks like a painting.

You stare open-mouthed through the windshield. "It's gorgeous."

Your friend smiles. "My mother had it renovated last year. The façade was crumbling a bit and the windows were no longer in good shape." He shrugs his shoulders. "But otherwise it's stayed the same. I grew up here."

You can hardly take your eyes off it as you get out of the car. "It's beautiful. It must have been great growing up here."

"It was." He rounds the hood and stands next to you. "Unfortunately, I was always on the road because of karting and the older I got, the less time I spent here. But this house holds so many memories." He exhales deeply. "This is my home."

You turn your head in his direction before reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "Thank you for taking me with you."

Charles smiles gently at you and pulls you a little closer so that you can feel his warm breath on your face. "Don't get too excited. You haven't met my brothers yet."

You tilt your head a little. "Are they that bad?"

"The worst," he whispers and leans forward a little. His gaze flickers briefly from your eyes to your lips. Your heart leaps a little. "But I'm the worst."

"Shouldn't I stay away from you then?" you ask him. He's so close to you that you have to tilt your head back to look at him. "Good girls should keep their distance from bad boys, shouldn't they?"

Charles releases his hand from yours and gently places it on your neck, leaving you no choice but to look at him. His other arm wraps around your waist and he pulls you all the way against him. Chest to chest, he looks down at you before licking his lips. You can feel the arousal pooling in your panties. "Are you a good girl, mon amour?"

As one of the front doors opens, he disengages from you with a smooth movement, as if nothing had ever happened and as if it wasn't running through your mind how you would have loved to get down on your knees for him right there. As he walks towards the house, you can see his back muscles dancing under his shirt. How you wish you could scratch him with your fingernails and -

"Maman. It's so good to see you," he greets his mother, who kisses him left and right on the cheek, snapping you out of your super non-platonic daydream. Which maybe isn't the worst thing, Charles is your friend after all.

"Yes yes, it's nice to see you too," she replies, before pushing past him and coming towards you. "Chérie, I'm so glad you're here!" The woman hugs you tightly before also kissing you left and right.

"It's nice to see you again too, Pascale," you smile. "Thank you so much for inviting me. The house is gorgeous."

"Thank you, chérie," she replies and reaches for your hands. "Come on, come on. Let me show you the house." Before you can say anything back, she pulls you towards the house, past Charles and through the door. "Charles! Your brothers will be here soon. You can set the table," she calls to him over her shoulder.

"Of course, Maman," he replies and when you look back at him, he rolls his eyes in mock annoyance.

"And please take the good china! We want to make a good impression."

"Of course, Maman." Charles, who has followed you into the house, closes the front door behind him.

The inside of the house looks like it's from another world. Large, white tiles adorn the floor, the furniture is kept simple, but still looks luxurious and so expensive that you'd be worried about scratching the surfaces with your car keys if you put them down. The lower floor is open plan, with a large kitchen with a kitchen island, a glass dining table and the living room. There's a soft-looking sofa in front of the fireplace, where you can definitely warm up on cold days. There are countless pictures on the walls - a mixture of art and personal photos.

"Would you like something to drink, chérie?" asks Pascale as you stop in the kitchen and she lets go of your hand. She opens the fridge and starts rummaging around in it. "We have water, orange juice, spritz, wine and cola."

"I don't need anything, thank you," you reply with a smile. You're a little overwhelmed that she's being so nice to you. You're not used to parents being so sweet and kind. Yours certainly weren't when you lived with them.

"All right, then. If you need anything, just take it. Make yourself at home." She squeezes your shoulder briefly before scurrying past you. "Charles! The table!"

"I'm on it," his voice comes from another corner of the room before he steps back into your field of vision. He is holding expensive-looking tableware in his hands, which he carefully spreads out on various coasters on the glass table. "Could you please take the cutlery from the top drawer there? There must be six of us. Enzo wanted to bring his wife Charlotte."

You take the cutlery from the drawer and count it off before joining him at the table and distributing the items. "I'm a bit nervous," you confess quietly. As you place a fork next to one of the plates, Charles grabs your hand.

"We can leave if that's too much for you," he suggests. " I'm sorry. My brothers aren't that bad. They're nice and funny and I think you'll get along fine." He strokes the inside of his wrist lovingly with his thumb. "You really don't need to worry. But if you want to leave, I can understand that."

You shake your head slightly. "It's all good. Your mother cooked dinner especially for me and it would be rude to leave now." You chew the inside of your cheek. "I just want to make a good impression."

Charles takes the rest of the cutlery from your hand before interlacing his fingers with yours. "You really don't have to worry about that, mon amour. She already loves you."

You raise an eyebrow in confusion. "And how do you know that? Did she tell you that?"

"She didn't need to," he replies with a smile. "When I introduced her to Annika back then, she reacted differently. No kisses, no dinner to get to know each other better. And she definitely didn't ask her to feel at home here," he explains, placing his free hand on your cheek. "She has good intuition and the fact that she took you to her heart within minutes just shows me that I made a good catch with you."

"Excuse me! There are children here!" a male voice shouts across the room. You would have liked to take three steps back to put some distance between you and Charles, but he keeps you in place.

"I don't see any children," replies the man in front of you, glancing over your head towards the kitchen. When you turn around, a young man is standing there, grinning and leaning against the kitchen island. "All I see is an annoying little brother who doesn't know when to hold back."

Playfully hurt, the stranger puts his hand on his chest. "Ouch. I'm not the one who can't seem to just pull through ." Before you can say anything back, he takes the few steps towards you and stops in front of Charles. The two stare at each other for a moment before a wide smile spreads across the shorter man's face. "Good to see you, big brother."

Charles releases his hand from yours so that he can embrace his baby brother. "You too." With a smile, he hugs him before gently pushing him away. He turns to you. "This is my little brother Arthur."

"It's nice to meet you," he replies and - in true Pascale style - gives you a little kiss on each cheek before winking at you. "Maman has already told me about you, but she didn't tell me how beautiful you are."

"'Keep your hands off, Arthur,' your roommate warns his brother, but he just waves it off.

"Don't worry, Charles. I'm not here to take your girlfriend away." You raise your hand and open your mouth to correct him, but he turns on his heel and walks back towards the fridge. "I'm here because I was promised good food. And maybe a game of Monopoly?" He waggles his eyebrows in anticipation.

Charles shakes his head vigorously. "Absolutely not. Last time Enzo nearly lost a finger because you thought he was cheating the bank."

Arthur rolls his eyes. "The whole thing would be unfunny without a bit of violence." His gaze shifts from his big brother to you. "What about you? Do you like Monopoly?"

"Monopoly? Maybe we should look for the first aid kit first," laughs the young woman who has just joined you. With her long blonde hair and wide, pearly-white smile, she looks so beautiful that it almost takes your breath away. Without giving the guys in the room a glance, she walks straight up to you and hugs you tightly. "Hi, I'm Charlotte. Enzo's wife." She gives you a quick hug before pulling away from you. "I like your top."

You introduce yourself to her as well before thanking her for the compliment. "Is Monopoly really that crazy in this family?" you ask quietly, watching Charles and Arthur tease each other in the kitchen.

"When it comes to winning, the men behave like animals," she explains, putting her slender arm around your shoulder. "That's why it's all the better that you're here now. Maybe they're acting a bit more grown-up this time then."

"Everyone here is an adult," another person defends themselves. The black-haired man tries to get Arthur out of Charles' headlock. "My little brothers might be a bit wild, but we're all old enough to behave reasonably." As he separates the two bickering men, he stands between them with his arms outstretched.

Arthur points his finger at the eldest of the three brothers. "You once knocked over the whole board because you had no more money to pay Charles."

Charles briefly runs his fingers through his tousled hair to get it into style. "And you once kicked us out of your apartment because you didn't have a hotel to take out a mortgage."

Before you know it, Enzo grabs his little brothers and tucks them under his arms, but Charles is quicker. With an elegant twist, he wriggles out of his brother's tight grip and twists his arm a little so that he can't get hold of him again, while Arthur tries with all his might to free himself.

"I told you," Charlotte whispers to you. "Like animals."

"Are you out of your minds?" Pascale's voice drowns out the boys, who abruptly move away from each other and blink at their mother. Arthur's face is red, while Enzo tugs his shirt right. Charles throws you a grin and a wink. "I'm cooking for everyone here and you're acting like children! Come on now! You know what you have to do!" she nags her sons, who quietly apologize to her and then scurry back and forth to put the rest of the things on the table.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" you ask the young woman next to you, but before she can answer you, Pascale is standing in front of you.

"Please take a seat. You're our special guest today and if I even see you lift a finger…" She gives you a stern, loving look before pulling one of the chairs from the table. With a nod, she tells you to sit down. Her look leaves no room for discussion.

"Would you like a glass of wine? I've brought a lovely sweet Riesling," Charlotte asks as she takes two wine glasses from one of the cupboards in the kitchen.

"Yes, please."

As she sets your glass down in front of you, the men also sit down at the table while Pascale places various bowls in front of you. When Charles tries to sit on the chair opposite you, his mother promptly stops him.

"The chair is broken, chéri. I'm afraid you'll have to use that stool there," she says, pointing to the small stool in the corner of the room.

Without hesitation, Charles swaps the pieces of furniture, but when he sits down, he grimaces. "My goodness, that's uncomfortable. It's sure to give me a backache."

"Maybe your lovely girlfriend can give you a back massage later," Arthur suggests, wiggling his eyebrows. Before he can react, your friend has reached into one of the bowls in front of you and thrown a piece of bread at his little brother. "Ouch, what the hell? I didn't say anything! It only becomes ambiguous when you make it ambiguous."

"Boys, pull yourselves together, otherwise it'll be the last time I invite you all here for dinner," Pascale scolds her sons, but you can tell she's not serious. She sits down at the table in front of them. "Now eat before the food gets cold."

-

"How did you two meet?" asks Enzo, popping a spoonful of vanilla ice cream into his mouth.

The pasta that Pascale cooked especially for you tasted absolutely fantastic. While you ate together, you talked about all sorts of things. About Enzo's work, Charlotte's recent seminar, new recipes that Pascale really wants to try out and your photography. At the beginning you were worried that you wouldn't be able to join in as you didn't know anyone from this family, but there was never a moment when you felt left out. It feels nice to be part of a family again - even if it's not your own.

Charles, who stretches his back briefly, looks at you across the table. "That's a funny story. Would you like to tell it?"

As all eyes turn to you, you have to swallow. You weren't expecting the attention. But Charles looks at you so gently and his smile is so warm. He makes you feel like you're not in the wrong place.

"He surprised me when I came out of the shower half-naked," you grin back. All you hear from the corner where Arthur is sitting is a whistle.

"Hey, that's not quite true," your roommate defends himself. "You were living in my second apartment without me knowing! Joris rented you the apartment and didn't tell me. And when I turned up there, you came out of the shower. It's not my fault." He raises his hands. "And you wanted to beat me up with a magazine!"

You reach for your wine glass and take a sip. "You were a stranger who suddenly appeared in my apartment. How else could I have reacted? You were so close to calling the police."

"You were standing half-naked in my apartment. It could have been that you were a crazy fan and somehow found out the address."

Charlotte looks up from her bowl of ice cream at you. "Didn't you know who he was?" As you shake your head, she claps her hands several times in delight. "Oh how cute! Just like in the fanfictions you can read on the internet! That's awesome!"

Her husband gives her a puzzled look. "You read fanfictions about my brother?"

Charlotte rolls her eyes. "Are you crazy? Of course not! But every now and then I just hear about it."

"And you've just decided to share the apartment," says Arthur as he scrapes two more scoops of ice cream out of the ice cream container.

"Yep. Just like that," Charles explains, and you smile gratefully at him. You're glad you don't have to explain that you're unemployed. Especially since everyone at this table is pursuing promising careers. Your friend smiles back affectionately before arching his back. "And it would also be the best decision I've ever made if I didn't have to sit on this stupid stool all evening. My spine feels like pebbles."

"Don't be like that," his mother grumbles at him. "You're still young. Your back pain can't be that bad."

"Arthur is younger than me. Shouldn't he be sitting in this chair then?" Charles tries to get out of it, but he falls silent when Pascale gives him a dirty look.

"But I don't have a girlfriend who can rub my back later," grins the youngest Leclerc. "I'm sure she won't mind."

"Arthur!" Pascale reprimands him. Her gaze shifts to you. "I'm so sorry. I thought I'd brought her up better." She puts her head in her hands.

"Oh, Maman." Charles gets up from his uncomfortable stool and you can tell by the way he looks that his back is actually hurting. He stands behind his mother and puts his hands on her shoulders. "We know you did your best. And we actually turned out well." He can barely suppress his grin. "Except for Arthur."

"Hey!" Arthur jumps up from his chair so quickly that you fear he's going to fall over backwards, but Charlotte just manages to catch it. Arthur chases his big brother around the room while Enzo stacks up the ice cream bowls to take them to the kitchen.

"Wait, I'll help you," you offer, reaching for the cutlery that has been left behind, but Pascale's hand on yours stops you in your tracks.

"If you lift a finger, the same thing will happen to it as with Enzo's fingers at Monopoly," she threatens lovingly and gets up to clear away the rest of the things herself.

You look at Charlotte uncertainly and she waves you off. "Don't worry about it. She doesn't mean any harm. She just wants you to feel comfortable here and make sure you have everything you need. You'll get used to it over time."

"Thank you," you reply with a smile. "I think if you weren't so nice to me, I'd be really scared of you."

The blonde has to laugh. "Unfortunately, I hear that a lot. But I know what it's like to be new to this family. It can be quite nerve-wracking and overwhelming. But they're all lovely people. You don't need to worry about that." She puts her hand on yours briefly before rising and joining her husband in the kitchen.

A short time later, you feel two large hands on your shoulders. "Are you all right?" Charles asks as you lean your head back to look at him. "My family didn't scare you off, did they? Or are you sick of it and don't want anything to do with me anymore?"

"A terrible family," you reply and feel his thumbs rubbing gentle circles into your skin. You feel warm.

"I can understand," he nods and leans down towards you so that the tips of your noses touch. "So that's the last time we'll see everyone. I definitely prefer your company to that of the others."

You have to stifle a giggle. "You're only saying that because you're hoping to get a back massage from me as soon as we get home." Your mouth goes dry at the thought of running your hands over his muscular back and feeling the soft skin under your fingertips.

"You're right about that," he admits. "Shall we go? I've had to share you with my family long enough."

"You want to leave already?" asks Pascale, who has rejoined you at the table. You didn't even realize she was back until she started talking.

"Yes, maman. My back really hurts and we have a lot to do tomorrow," he apologizes. It's news to you that you have plans. But maybe it's just an excuse so that you can be alone again more quickly. And you definitely have no objections to that.

Friends, sure.

"All right." She puts her hands on her hips. "But I'll expect you both back here at Christmas. I'll prepare your old room so you can spend the night here." Her smile is warm and heartfelt. As you get up from your chair to say goodbye to her, she wraps you tightly in her arms. "It's so nice that you're part of our family now. I'm already looking forward to having you back here at Christmas. It's only a few more days until then."

"Thank you for your invitation." You return her hug. "I haven't felt like part of a family for a long time."

Apparently she sees something in your gaze, something sad, because she has to swallow before she starts speaking again. "We've been through a lot as a family - and I think you have too. You're always welcome here. No matter what happens. Even if you need someone to be there for you in the middle of the night. The doors of this house are always open to you." She blinks away a few tears and you briefly consider hugging her again.

Which you finally do. "Your family is wonderful. You've raised three great sons. If your husband was anywhere near as kind-hearted as they turned out to be, then he must have been the most lovable person in the world," you whisper to her.

"He would have loved you. I'm sure of it." As she breaks away from you, she wipes her eyes once. "Thank you for looking after my son. There's no denying how good you are for him."

As if on cue, Charles stands next to you and puts his arm around your waist to pull you close. You feel his body heat, the pressure of his fingers on your skin.

After this morning, you had been unsure whether you would ever be so close again despite the misstep, or whether you would keep your distance because the situation would be awkward for people who are actually just friends. But Charles' smile is genuine, his gaze gentle and his lips soft as he presses them lovingly to your forehead.

"She's the absolute best thing that could have happened to me."

[ohwaitimthewriter]

The Memory Keeper

Chapter 1 : List.

Pairing : Noa x human reader

Warning : A bit of mourning. Otherwise, all clear for this one!

Summarize (please I'm so bad at writing these!): A woman, allowed to live as long as the virus keeps running through her body, living on autopilot for 260 years, is going to see her life takes a new turn, finding hope in something that might come to put an end to her wandering.

Words : 3.2k

A/N : It has been a long time since I've written something and it feels pretty good to get back at it with this story! I hope you'll like it and do not hesitate to share your thoughts or like/reblog, it's always appreciated! As English isn't my native language, I'm sorry if you find mistakes or weird wording in there, let me know if you find some and I'll be glad to correct them!

Enjoy your reading 😊

The Memory Keeper masterlist.

It wasn't going to be a difficult day. The list was ready, the tasks the same as the day before and the day after. You had to go to the river: catch a fish, fill the flasks with fresh water, bathe… You had to get on your horse and on the way back, stop at the 16th tree on the right, get off, walk 30 steps and fill the bag with blackberries. You had to avoid the brambles and avoid tripping over the prominent root. Get back on the horse and ride home.

Prepare the fish: remove the head and tail, the skin, gut it and remove the bones, light a fire to cook it. Yes, evolution had done many things, but it must have missed the episode where it was necessary to improve the human digestive system. So the fish still had to be cooked.

The garden had to be tended. Over the years, it had evolved too. It had been a long time in the making. A vegetable garden, tomatoes, green beans and, you couldn't quite remember how, artichokes had found their place too. An apple tree was easy to grow. It took time, but it was easy. And then there was this little gem you'd stumbled upon one day: a rosebush. It was an important one. You had to take care of it too.

You always had to do something.

Your hands knew what to do and how to do it. Your legs took you where you needed to go, and at that particular moment, they had led you to your horse. You had to remove his saddle and bridle, check his hooves and remove any stones that might have got stuck on them. Run your hand over his belly to loosen the skin compressed by the girth. And don't forget to give him a drink. When it came to eating, he found everything on his own, except perhaps an apple, which you gave him from time to time to thank him for his help. He knew how to ask, too. In fact, he huffed and gave you a nudge.

Okay, an apple.

He followed you to the apple tree and you climbed onto his back. You could reach the branches, but it was always difficult to keep your balance. Especially when your right hip wasn't working properly. And you sighed. It really wasn't convenient.

You had to go on with the list, what was next?

“ Hearing my voice at least once and speaking so I don't forget.”

This was important. You had to remember how to speak. The world had forgotten, but you must not. You had no right to forget.

“Say something new.”

And you looked around.

“It's cloudy today.”

Which meant rain wasn't far off. Your horse was now grazing beside you.

“You should take shelter.”

You smile, you'd said one more sentence today. Your horse's ears twitched as if to say “I do what I want” and you shrugged. After all, he was the one to decide. But you didn't want to get wet in the rain. You patted his neck and went off to find shelter in your wooden hut.

You've lived here for a long time. A very long time. So long that you no longer needed a torch to light up the big room when night fell or when the clouds darkened the place. You knew exactly where the shaky table was, the armchair with its deformed, hollowed-out seat and even the little plastic pot you kept forgetting to put back on the table to avoid getting your feet caught in it. And despite the years, you never tripped over it.

You were right to come home. You'd just had time to put the water flasks and the cooked fish on the table when a torrent of water hit the floor. The end of the list would have to wait. The timing was perfect, as your stomach signaled that it was time to fill up, and the smell of the wood-fired fish made your mouth water.

Settling back in your armchair, you ate the fish, watching the rain fall against the hut's only window. Eating with your hands was no longer as disturbing as it had been at first. There were a lot of memories that had slipped away over time, but you almost smiled when you thought back to the embarrassment you'd felt the first time you'd had to eat like that. If you'd known back then where you'd end up…

A sigh.

Drops tumbled against the window and some seemed to challenge themselves to get to the bottom first. They were following the path traced by others before them, but obviously not all roads were good ones to take. Some raindrops went straight down, others tried to cut off their opponents' path, and still others weaved in and out to create their own path. Then a raindrop caught your eye. It seemed the most likely to win the mad race. It glided and slalomed proudly until it landed delicately on your windowsill, blending in with its sisters who had landed there before it.

You turned your eyes to the last piece of fish, which you brought to your mouth.

You took one last look out the window, and that's when you caught sight of it.

A shadow.

A shadow had just moved past your window. The rain kept on pounding against it and you could see the trees in the distance stirring in the wind, and you were sure you saw the shadow moving, quickly to the right, but the shadow was gone. There were only raindrops, only the wind, and you could even hear the dull roar of an incipient thunderstorm.

A deep breath. You had to.

Then a sigh.

The rain and wind must have played a trick on you. If the storm picked up, you definitely wouldn't be able to finish your outdoor to-do list. But that didn't matter, there was still plenty to do inside.

First you had to tidy up. Keeping the interior clean and tidy was important, so you couldn't leave the water bottles on the table. You grabbed them and stepped over the little plastic pot that stood between the table and what you could call a kitchen. At least, that's what you would have called this part of the hut back in the day, because there was only a broken sink and a cupboard without a door. You passed the front door and it rattled against the latch in the wind. You had managed to install a branch across the door, allowing you to keep it closed in bad weather. However, as it didn't close very well, the wind always managed to rattle it between the branch and the latch. But you got used to the noise. So you walked past the shaky door to put the water bottles in the cupboard, and when you heard a suspicious rustling sound, you jumped, staring at the door.

You frowned at the unusual sound. You had been holding your breath, but the wind suddenly whistled through the doorframe, which was sorely lacking in hermetic seals. So you breathed out, taking a calmer breath. The wind. Mother Nature was definitely testing your nerves tonight.

Well, you still had to change your clothes. Night was coming on and you couldn't possibly sleep in your day clothes. You stepped over the little plastic pot again and made your way to the wooden chest beside the fireplace to find a t-shirt and a pair of jogging shorts with a hole in the left knee. Maybe one day you'd find a stray piece of fabric while walking through the forest, so you could mend it. But you hadn't yet got to the list asking you to explore the surrounding area.

There were 7 lists divided into 4 sections, themselves arranged in 12 categories. It was your way of keeping track of time. You no longer counted the days, let alone the years; you'd long since lost the very notion of time. But to grow crops, harvest the fruits of the forest and simply follow nature's millimetric events and be able to anticipate them, you needed a reference point. The lists, though mostly identical, were that reference point. Hanging on the wall with pieces of wood you'd carved yourself, they determined your days and the things you had to do.

You didn't really know when or how you'd started making these lists. But judging by the ink, half washed away by the years - some of the lists had even gone back to being blank - it must have been a long time ago.

You put the current day's list back in its place. Tomorrow, you'd have to complete it while carrying out the next one. But there was one more thing you needed to do indoors before settling into your armchair for the night. One last important thing.

From the chest, you took out a picture frame. The corners were worn, the wood had crumbled and you had to handle it carefully to avoid getting splinters in your hands. You set the frame down on the floor by the fireplace, knelt in front of it and reached into the jar on your right to pick a rose petal, which you placed carefully in the right-hand corner of the frame.

You struggled to swallow.

That's where it always got complicated.

Once again, you reached into the jar and pulled out 7 petals. You always needed 7 petals. You placed 6 of them in a circle on the dry twigs in the fireplace and began humming a song whose words you'd long since forgotten. But you remembered the feeling. You felt a lump in your throat, and you often wondered how you managed to keep the song going.

You hummed, and on the last petal, with the help of a needle, you delicately traced his initials. You had to be careful not to press too hard, you shouldn't pierce the petal, just brush against it enough to see, if you concentrated hard enough, the outline of the letter you were drawing. You also had to blink a few times to see clearly what you were doing. It was important to get it right. Once you'd written the letter on the petal, you laid it at the center of the circle.

It was always at this moment that your hands shook. You needed a moment. Just a bit of time.

You had to wipe your hands over your eyes, the most important thing was to handle the two flints on the floor with care. Your hands had to be steady, not shaking. You interrupted the song to get your breathing under control.

Inhale.

Breathe out.

Grab the flints.

Inhale.

Exhale.

A sharp stroke.

The clatter of the stone threw sparks onto the pile of twigs and a flame sprang up. You started humming again as the fire slowly consumed the wood until it reached the petals of the circle.

A tear.

The fire continued to progress and you stared desperately at the petal in the center, quickly ridding yourself of the tears that were blurring your vision. The flame touched the edge of the petal and you watched the letter “C” burn away and disappear into the ashes.

The flame faded as the twigs gradually disappeared and, once gone, you slipped the petal on the frame back into its jar.

Now you had to put the frame away. Your fingers brushed the edge of the picture inside of it. Despite the years, you had managed, by some miracle, to keep the photograph almost undamaged. At least, sufficiently intact that you could still distinguish the shape of an ape in the center of the picture, despite the cracks.

He was a force of nature. You had taken this photo on a December day, you still knew because you could still discern the white flakes clinging to his dark fur. Back then, you loved taking pictures.

What did they call you again?

The memory keeper.

Even after all this time, it still made you smile. You gently squeezed the frame between your fingers, keeping it balanced on the knees you'd just tucked in towards you. This way, he was a little closer to you.

You made an extra effort to remember the day. He was standing high enough to see everyone around him. He must have been talking about something important; he always had that powerful, soul-piercing stare when he was saying something important. But he always looked…

“Grumpy.”

You concluded your thought in a whisper that knotted your throat. Grumpy. You almost expected to hear him growl, his ego bruised, every time you reminded him that he was sometimes a little too grumpy. “Grumpy because a lot on my shoulders,” he'd snap back at you. “No, grumpy because you're old” you'd always reply, your eyes always playful. And you were the only one who could say such a thing, with the only result being an amused snore coming from him.

And you felt yourself take a deep breath. Of all the pictures you'd taken, this was the last one you had left. You had to put the frame back in the chest, so your fingers tightened even more around the wood. Your head tilted slightly forward, closing your eyes as the wood touched your forehead.

Tonight was difficult.

You took another deep breath, and before the knot in your throat hurt too much, you straightened up and went to put the frame in the chest.

“Caesar, tonight is really difficult,” you whispered, watching the shadow of the lid close over the frame.

------------

It had been a restless night. When your eyes opened the next morning, they felt heavy and swollen, and you found yourself rubbing your eyes to try and make the heaviness go away.

Today, there was much to do. After changing from your night clothes to your day ones, you removed the branch blocking the door and let the sun shine in, warming your skin. The fresh early-morning air caressed your skin and you took a few seconds to smell the distinctive light scent that follows a thunderstorm.

No sooner had you taken a few steps forward than your feet bumped into something hard, causing you to lose your balance. In a fraction of a second, you found yourself on your butt on the ground, a stabbing pain in your right hip that had failed to move to stop you from falling.

“Ouch!” was the only thing that slipped out of your mouth.

You straightened up slightly, remaining seated in the grass, to see what had caused your fall and a pile of apples laid exactly under the wobbly small porch that covered your front door.

God, what a dummy not to have put that away last night. You thought to yourself, looking down at your hands full of dirt. You'd have to go to the river to clean it up, and now you'd just have to take your night clothes with you because you'd also have to wash the ones you were wearing-the mud from the storm must have dirtied your current clothes.

A pile of apples. You thought as you rubbed your hands together.

A pile of apples. You glanced at your right hip. Pfft, if you'd made Caesar break it to put it back in its place, you'd never have fallen today. In fact, you'd have avoided more than one fall.

All because of a misplaced pile of apples.

A pile of misplaced apples.

And like a light bulb switching on, your gaze suddenly fell on those apples that actually had nothing to do there. You hadn't gathered them the day before.

Then you heard it. A muffled purr came gently from behind you. Surely you should have turned around, stood up and dealt with it, but you'd found yourself rooted to the spot, eyes glued to those apples, waiting as an orangutan appeared in your field of vision.

And you refused to look at him, your hands balled into fists to keep them from shaking. You weren't afraid. No. But for some obscure reason, your brain had simply decided to freeze.

The orangutan once again let out a rumble, softer this time, and held out his hand to you.

“I'll help.”

His voice made you blink several times. You did your best to snap out of your stupor, but this time your eyes agreed to look at him, and the orangutan seemed delighted.

Just one more moment. It took another second, just one, to see your hand slip into his and before you knew it, you were back on your feet.

“Raka, we must go.”

The second voice surprised you a little. It sounded familiar and your eyes fell on a chimpanzee, a little further away, who had just finished saddling a horse. You frowned, your horse? You were trying to determine whether it was really yours, but the distance didn't allow you to be sure. There was only one way to find out.

So you whistled.

The horse shook its head and the chimpanzee didn't have time to grab the reins before your horse galloped off to meet you. They were going to take your horse… in exchange for a stack of apples?

You grabbed the reins and stroked the horse's neck as he snorted. He chewed the bit and blew heavily through his nostrils.

For a fraction of a second, you forgot about the two large apes who, from the sounds they were making, weren't particularly happy to have lost a chance of obtaining a second means of locomotion: in your peripheral vision, you could see another horse quietly grazing.

Your hands still knew what to do, and it didn't take you long to remove the bridle and bit from your horse's mouth.

“He doesn't like it.” you said simply.

And only silence answered you, so you showed the bridle to the two apes.

“The bit, he doesn't like it, he's not used to it.”

Your answer didn't seem to convince them. They stared at you, dumbstruck, and if you paid close enough attention, you could almost see their mouths hanging wide open. And that left you bewildered. What didn't they understand? You'd heard them talking, so that certainly wasn't the problem.

“You can't take my horse.” You went on, starting to remove the saddle.

It was becoming increasingly obvious that they were staring at you as if you'd just landed from the sky.

“If you want a horse, there's a wild herd to the south, past the river.” And you pointed in the right direction.

They remained silent as tombs, but the chimpanzee followed the direction you pointed with his eyes.

“Just be careful, the group's stallion isn't very friendly.” You thought it important to tell him.

Your gaze fell back on them and the orangutan, Raka, if you'd heard correctly, hadn't moved a muscle. The chimpanzee, on the other hand, was staring at you thoughtfully, as if he was trying to put together a puzzle with a missing piece. He then moved towards you inquisitively, perhaps, confused?

“Echo, speak?”

It was certainly the most surprising sentence you'd ever heard in your life.

[inbabylontheywept]

can we get more security clearance stories? they are amazing

Yeah, sure. Remember how getting contractors in to perform regular to the maintenance is basically impossible? One of the issues that we have is that the roof is kind of fucked. Like, in the newer sections, it's fine, and in the older sections, it leaks and we just have big barrels to catch the rainwater, and in the oldest sections there are actual holes. Which is crazy, because the oldest sections are where a lot of the tests happen. Those are almost always the most important parts of the facility. And the holes have been a problem for a while, but it is only "recently" (the last ten years) (yes, that is recent in government time) that the holes got big enough to fit birds.

So we have been getting birds into our secret facility.

This causes several issues.

The first issue is that, surprisingly, the people here are gentle, and they don't like seeing birds die. Some of the old hands are pretty jaded about it, and they have tennis rackets that they used to use for uh... bird removal. But the newer batch threw a fit when they suggested that, so now we have to make a big ordeal out of getting the birds out of the building. And if I sound bitter about it, I'm not - I am one of the people that said absolutely no bird smashing. But it is much easier to catch a bird than it is to just smack it out of the air.

(Another layer of difficulty is the whole "working in a labyrinth" thing. The birds have a lot of places to run.)

The second issue is that sometimes we can't get the birds out, and they die in weird places. This isn't just sad - it makes the test areas smell bad for weeks afterwards, and a lot of us spend the majority of our working hours in those locations. So it's sad and gross and stinky.

And the third issue, which is actually kind of the worst, is that government knows about the "perimeter leaks" (IE, large holes in the ceiling) and instead of fixing the holes, they put extra security measures in place. You know, in case spies climb in through the holes. Which means that, unfortunately, instead of getting the holes fixed, we got a state of the art alarm system, complete with motion detection lasers.

So the birds get in, and we actually can't leave until they get out, because they will, and have, and frequently do, trip the alarms. And when the alarms trip, people get called in to check the site and confirm for the 10,000th time that no, it's not Russians: It's birds.

It's always birds.

(Some of the techs actually kind of enjoy those calls during the weekends, because it means free overtime where there's literally nothing asked of them. Getting the "bird alarm" call is just 4 hours of OT where you check the test cell and confirm, no spies, just birds, then sit there and play checkers or read or whatever until the airforce base calls back and says that it seems safe enough for you to go home.)

(Engineers like those calls less, because we don't get time and a half, and we also don't need the cash quite as much as the techs do.)

Anyway, the crazy scenario is when it's like, 30 minutes to quitting, and a bird gets in. Because now we can't leave until we get the bird out. And the scene that happens is actually quite pretty.

So, the first thing that will happen is that there will be yelling downstairs. The downstairs people are always irate about birds getting in close to quitting. The anger is directed vaguely at the bird, and vaguely at the government, and more specifically at whatever absolute fuckhead bought us an alarm system instead of fixing our roof.

The majority of the crowd of grousing engineers and techs will then move into the upper offices. A couple will break off to grab the floodlight and shine it down the stairs, a few more will prop the doors open, and someone will venture back into the basement to turn off the light.

Click, the light goes off, it's dark, there's this big, warm, yellow pool of light just dripping down the stairs like a river of melted butter, and there's a crowd of tennish people + whoever is poking their heads out of the office to watch. No one will be breathing at all... and then, 9 times out of 10, a little bird will flit out of the basement, up the stairs, towards the light, and trigger the apocalypse.

Everyone chases the bird.

The goal at first is not to catch the bird. That's very difficult, and none of us have very good hand eye coordination. The goal is to thunder along and keep the bird from sitting down and having a breather.

We are there to exhaust the bird.

It is just accepted that this thundering herd will go wherever the bird goes. If your office door is open, and the bird flies in, it doesn't matter what reports you're filling out, or what phone call you're on - you are expected to deal with the panting and scrambling and general primal chaos of the hunting party until the bird goes somewhere else. Eventually, the bird will slow down enough that someone can catch it. This is a semi-coveted position, because, yes, you do get to hold a bird in your hand. And holding a bird is a wonderful thing. They are so soft, and so small, and you feel so careful with the poor thing. But also, it will bite you. Always. And the birds out here bite like needle nose pliers. It hurts so bad. I have been the guy holding the bird before, and it's this kind of beautiful scene again - to be standing there, hands cupped gently around this thing that is chewing the fuck out of the squishy webbing between my thumb and my palm. Tears streaming down my cheeks, surrounded by my little hunting party, that is telling me how much further until the nearest exit, opening all the doors for me. Hushed in the silence as they acknowledge my sacrifice. Inspecting the chomps afterwards and giving their opinion on how long it will be until it stops hurting.

I'm getting a little lost in the sauce here and don't really know how to end this. It's a really good job. Wouldn't be half as fun if it was run in a sane and competent manner.

I'll make this into a post at some point.

[bigification]

Gamer Dad

"Man, my hair looked so good yesterday." Aaron uploaded the picture to his dating profile. "That just about does it." He said as he typed out the last bit of his bio. "I want to be the type of dad that plays video games with his kids." He clicked 'done' and closed his phone.

Aaron made his way to his bathroom to take a shower. On his short trek to the bathroom, he couldn't help but think about what he wrote down. He was nearly 30 and desperately wanted kids, but he kinda needed a partner before he was going to do that. All he could think about was being a 'cool dad'.

He opened the door and entered his bathroom. He threw off his shirt and turned to the mirror.

He looked confused for a moment as he rubbed his hand through his short hair. "I could have sworn it was longer than this?" He then questioned how his beard seemed busier than it was before, he didn't even think he could grow this kind of beard. The thoughts didn't last long though, he remembered this was always what he looked like. He suddenly remembered he was able to grow a beard like that since high school, and his workout routine from playing football gave him the muscly frame he has now even in his early thirties.

He jumped into the shower, letting the hot water coat his hairy body. He rubbed shampoo into his short hair and scrubbed his thick muscles with body wash. He rinsed off and got out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his thick waist and... Wait thick waist? Aaron looked in the mirror to see a solid beer belly spilling over his towel.

He was shocked for a moment, he was trying to think of his days in football and his workout routine. But then he remembered that was before he got married. Since then, his husband has been more than happy to cook him fancy meals, which definitely takes a toll. He looked up and saw his balding head. "Well that's just what happens when you get to your late thirties," he reasoned. "At least I got my beard," he said as he rubbed his hands through his thick facial hair.

Aaron tried to put his shorts back on, but they didn't get past his thighs. He let out a deep sigh, this isn't the first time this has happened recently. He made his way to his room to try and find some clothes that fit. He tried on shirt after shirt and multiple pairs of shorts with no success. All the shirts either can't get past his gut or his biceps can't fit through his sleeves. "Damn I didn't think it was that bad." Aaron walked in front of the mirror in his room.

"You've really let yourself go huh?" He scolded himself. "Well I guess it's normal to keep on some weight after being pregnant, I just didn't think it was this bad." He stared at his body intently. "At least you got these guns, not many guys in their forties can say that." He flexed.

After rummaging through his closet, he managed to find some large gym shorts from a few Christmases ago. His husband accidentally bought him a size too big and he kept it for some reason, well it's coming in handy now.

He hobbled his massive body over to his living room and plopped himself down onto his couch. He put his headphones on, feeling the cold padding on his balding head. He leaned back, feeling his gut spill onto his lap. He smiled as he felt his baby kick.

*Click*

The front door opened. "I'm home!" Yusuf yelled. Aaron ran to the kitchen as soon as he heard. He turned the corner and caught his husband undressing.

"Did you pick up the cookies I like?" Aaron asked excitedly.

"Yes" Yusuf replied with a chuckle, "I remembered you liked them when you were pregnant with Jeremy, so I figured you'd want them now."

"I love you so much!" Aaron said as he stuffed a cookie down his mouth.

"You know, you eat like you did with Jeremy, you're gonna gain a bunch of weight again." He said as he leaned in and placed a hand on Aaron's stomach.

"Not my fault you got me pregnant again." Aaron defended.

"Not my fault you're a bottom!" Yusuf retorted.

"Oh you wanna play dirty, huh?" Aaron scoffed.

"I love to play dirty. By the way it's your turn to pick up Jeremy from school." Yusuf said as he continued to get undressed.

"What?"

"Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're excused from every chore." He said sarcastically, "besides you're the one who always wants to talk to him about video games."

Aaron sighed in response.

"I bet we have enough time before you have to leave."

Aaron smiled as he followed his husband to their bedroom.

[sassyjoy]

unplanned sleepover

genre: smut

word count: 1.4k

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"You can sit on my bed," Sooyoung told you upon entering her dorm room. It was quite spacious, you thought. The two beds certainly caught your attention, their neatness contrasting against the cozy disarray of the rest of the room. Posters of romcom films adorned one wall, while a whiteboard covered in colorful sketches and project ideas took up another. On the study desk, a jumble of art supplies mingled with a laptop displaying a digital design in progress. The room felt like a creative hub where the worlds of multimedia arts collided in a harmonious chaos curated by two distinct personalities.

"Do you want anything? Coffee? Juice? Water?" Sooyoung asked as she placed back her roommate's gaming chair near where it belongs.

"No, I'm good,” you replied, casting your eyes around the room, taking in the unique blend of multimedia arts influences in the shared space. You noticed a film camera on the desk and asked Sooyoung if that was hers.

"It's Wonwoo's," Sooyoung responded with a smile, gesturing towards the camera with a hint of admiration.

"Wonwoo? Oh, the guy you've been crushing about?" 

Sooyoung snorted. "That's Jaehyun, dumbass. You never really listen to my stories, don't you?" You laughed when she threw a hoodie at you in which you caught. You knew it was Jaehyun, you were just messing with her.

"Wonwoo's my roommate."

"Oh, I didn't know men and women can share the same dorm room," you said in disbelief, as you knew it was not allowed in most dormitories.

Sooyoung shrugged, unfazed. "My landlord is cool with it and besides, I don't really mind sharing the same room with the opposite sex. As long as they're clean and mindful in their space, I won't have a problem with them. And Wonwoo's really nice. He's neat. We also share the same course so we really get along with each other!" As she spoke, Sooyoung picked her pajamas from her cabinet, preparing to change into sleepwear for the night.

"Why isn't he here though?" You asked as you lay on her bed, getting comfy. The bed felt nice and soft. You noticed some polaroid pictures of Sooyoung with friends near her bedside table. It was cute to see familiar faces from your shared circle of friends since high school.

"Org duties, I guess. He said he'll be home late," she shrugged.

"I'll go get changed," Sooyoung said before heading to the bathroom. You found yourself scrolling and watching tiktok videos on your phone on her bed. It was kind of funny that despite being friends for years, it was the first time being alone together. You usually never had this chance due to various reasons.

Your stay in her dorm wasn't planned. Your car broke down, and with heavy rain outside, the mechanic couldn't come fix it. Luckily, Sooyoung's dorm was nearby. It became your refuge from the storm. Without her help, you'd be out in the cold.

~

You were sleeping in one bed with Sooyoung. It wasn't supposed to be like that but you've had sleepovers with your circle of friends before. Sleeping in one bed shouldn't be a bad thing. 

What's bad is that you're lusting over her. It shouldn't be like this. You know that yourself. 

You wished you didn't enter the bathroom earlier. If you hadn't, you wouldn't see her dirty laundry. It wasn't your fault that you saw her undies lying there. It wasn't your fault that you had the urge to pick it up and smell it. But you did pick it up and smell it. The thought of Sooyoung wearing it just turned you even more and caused tenting on your sweatpants. 

Here you are, lying on your side with your back to her. You're trying your best to fall asleep, but it seems impossible. Sooyoung, on the other side of the bed, keeps shifting and turning, making it even harder for you to find rest. You just want to get off this feeling. 

'Should I just jerk off in the bathroom?' You've been asking yourself this question for the past 30 minutes now. But the bathroom's kinda far from the bed. 

The room was dark. The only sound you could hear was the rain outside. The gentle tap-tap-tap against the window filled the room, creating a peaceful atmosphere. You're finally getting off that idea in your mind until you heard small soft whimpers. 

You changed your position, now you're facing Sooyoung. You waited for that sound again, because you thought that your mind is just messing around. Was it Sooyoung? Or maybe that was Wonwoo? Her roommate, who's sleeping soundly on the other side of the room. Nah, it won't be him. It sounded like a girl's, you thought. 

You were about to sleep when you heard something again, and this time, you were sure that it was Sooyoung. 

The room was dimly lit, but when you adjusted to the darkness you saw Sooyoung rubbing herself. The hem of her dark blue night gown lifted up to her thigh. Your heart beat went crazy, not knowing what to do.

"Ohh," she moaned quietly. You can't stop watching pleasuring herself. It's a new sight for you. You've known her for years and you never knew she has this side of hers. You were always bickering with each other but you always thought that she was all this innocent. 

You felt hot, wishing Sooyoung won't notice. 

You slightly moved, turning yourself more towards her, to watch more clearly. Sooyoung stopped for a second, scanning your face before going back to rubbing again. 

You can't help it anymore, and moved again, this time your arm flinging over to her side making sure to lightly brush her thigh before resting your arm on her stomach.

"Shit," she whispered to herself, not being able to continue anymore. You felt her try to pull your arm away but you just changed your position, your leg now brushing up to her thigh. You can feel her body heat and heaving, getting turned on even more. 

You felt her stop for a few minutes. 

She then finally rested her hand on top of yours. 

You found it cute not until she lifted your hand and put it over her wet pussy. Your eyes instantly opened, obviously shocked at what she did. Damn, she's not wearing an underwear. 

"I knew it, you're awake." She whispered, you tried to pull your hand away but she gripped it tighter. 

"Can you help me with this one? Please?" She begged as she bit her lip as she guided your hand to her cunt. You gulped. With shaky hands, you found yourself messing with the hem of her sleepwear.

'Why are you nervous? She literally asked you for this.' You thought. Sooyoung squeezed her clothed breast as she waits for your next move. You were contemplating for a second before whispering "fuck it" under your breath and placed your hand over her shaved pussy. 

You traced her vagina with your middle finger. You pressed it between her folds, finding her clit with ease. 

"Oh- fuck... this is way better than using my own fingers- god!" You watched her covering her mouth with her own hands, feeling the sensation you've been giving her. For some reason, you liked how's this going. 

You circled her clit. You can feel how warm and wet she have had become. Sooyoung was trying so hard not to make a noise when you added another finger inside her. Her breathing became heavy and a little unsteady. You placed your other arm underneath her to pull her body closer to you. 

"Does it feel good, Sooyoung?" You whispered in her ear that earned you a grip on your forearm. 

"Feels so good," she croaked. The rain was too loud. Wonwoo won't probably hear what's happening between you two, right?

You placed soft kisses on the side of her neck as you increased the pace of your fingers. You can feel her body wriggle from the pleasure. You loved how every time you went deeper, her grip on you got tighter. 

"Just like that," she whispered. You kept hitting the spot she could barely reach with her own fingers. Sooyoung arched her back, palming her tits as she grinds against your fingers, trying to reach that delicious high she's been aching to have. Her breath quickens as you hit the spot inside her, your fingers scissoring her tight hole. 

"Ohhh," then she exploded. Sooyoung's cum wets your fingers. It took her a minute to calm down. You caressed her thighs as you wait for her to calm down from how she fell apart from the build-up you managed to give her.

"You owe me one," you told her, whispering in her ear while still stroking her soft skin. 

[genericpuff]

I know LO has been over for a while but something that's always confused me is the 10 year punishment thing. (I dropped the comic before the judgment so correct me if im wrong)

apparently Persephone was sentenced to 10 years in the mortal realm. Yet she complains that Zeus keeps extending her punishment but the timeskip only ends up being 10 years? (From 20 yrs old to 30). that makes it sound like she had a shorter sentence that was extended to 10 yrs (what a fuckin slap on the wrist if it was).

Either her punishment was 10 yrs and Perse was just banking on early parole release or she always had a short sentence which ended up being a measly 10 yrs anyway.

But then that would mean Demeter's punishment period was either tied directly to Persephone's or (for some reason) she had a full 10 yr sentence while Persephone got an initial shorter period

If it's not either of those then shouldn't her punishment be longer? 11, 12, 15, 20 yrs instead? Would make more sense that she was mad if she had to serve at least twice as long as she was told to

Ah so actually she wasn't sentenced to 10 years, she was basically sentenced to a perpetual punishment until Zeus felt certain conditions were met, such as her filling all of the responsibilities of Demeter and turning Minthe back to normal.

So the reason it wound up being 10 years was because Zeus kept finding reasons to extend the sentencing, clearly in an attempt to keep her away from Apollo as he was already suspecting that he might use Persephone's fertility goddess powers to overthrow him.

(joke's on Zeus though, he was overthrown with a poison cupcake lmaooo)

That said, Persephone was... really dumb when she failed her 10th inspection. Primarily because she broke one of the rules Zeus put in place for her before he did the inspection-

Like it's really funny in hindsight to read this scene because at the time the narrative was definitely trying to make us believe that Zeus was the bad guy here, and to a point he's definitely fucking around and not actually planning on letting her out of confinement while also doing jack shit to get to the bottom of his own suspicions regarding his son... but also girl, if your plan was to prove to Zeus that you had filled your end of the bargain, then why try and give him the letter prior to your once-a-year inspection? Either you're failed again over some arbitrary made-up bullshit reason so you can use the guilt-trip method after he's already screwed you over, or best case, you pass and you can deliver the letter to Hades yourself! It was a really dumb move on her part to immediately jump to asking him to bend the rules he made for her when she should know Zeus isn't gonna feel obligated to 'owe' her anything, and is completely contrary to her being as "smart and cunning" as the narrative tries to make us believe (remember when she hustled Hades at chess and lied to him about having a driver's license? where's that Persephone?)

And yeah Zeus really isn't wrong when it comes to how Persephone herself is such a "uwu look at me I'm a smol widdle baby girl, please break the terms of my punishment for me because I asked with tented eyebrows bats eyelashes" , this is honestly why so many people like Zeus as a character in LO contrary to how much the narrative tries to make us hate him, because while he's absolutely an asshole who deserves to be knocked down a peg, at least the narrative doesn't try to gaslight us into thinking he's a good person like it does with H x P. Zeus is a shithead but unapologetically authentic; Persephone and Hades both pretend like they're saints on earth (and the narrative tries to sell them to us as such) meanwhile they're constantly picking on lower class people and using their power and influence to get their way even when they haven't earned it.

But also yeah, it's funny how the fans will say "age doesn't matter when you're a god, time doesn't mean anything when you're immortal" to dismiss the massive age gap between Hades and Persephone, but then cry foul over Zeus keeping her in confinement for 10 years which is a pretty bare ass minimum sentence when you really think about it. Like, if the passage of time really is that inconsequential to a god, then how is 10 years even a punishment? It's only suddenly seen as a massively unfair punishment when it's Persephone who's suffering it.

[poppy-metal]

UGH and then he shows up at your work and you’re like “fuck off or i’ll tell my manager you’re harassing me” and it’s SOOOO fake. like you’re such a liar.

“quit fucking blocking me and i won’t have to show up here to fucking speak to you.”

“i don’t want to speak to you, you stupid slut.”

“is that any way to talk to a paying customer? maybe i have something to tell your manager too.”

“jump off a cliff.”

“when does your shift finish?”

“why would i tell you that?”

“so i can pick you up after and you can tell me how you really feel back at my apartment.”

“…”

raises his eyes brows.

“6:30.”

giggling and kicking my feet i genuinely need this kind of relationship with him so bad u don't understand.

just deliberately calling him names and being petty because you know the more you piss him off the more your ass is gonna get reamed later - its his fault, anyway. all his intensity and passion made you crave this kind of dynamic - you used to be a good girl with normal taste in men and the desire to settle down with just some guy. now you couldn't get off during sex unless it felt violent - you got fucking bored so easily when there wasn't a fight to be had - you thought if a man didn't track you down by your fucking email and drag you back to his dick by the scruff of your neck, it meant he didn't want you and wasn't worth your time. and how fucked up was that?

so yeah - he could handle a few insults. because fuck him, genuinely. you'd never be the same again after him.

you give him the time your off anyway. and you're fidgeting the whole rest of your shift. nearly bouncing on your heels and by 6:25 you're so amped up - pussy nearly drenching your jean shorts enough to leave a visible stain - that when a customer comes in you actually consider ripping their head off. you throw them onto your coworker instead, tossing them a glare that could freeze over hell when they start to protest.

nothing was going to stand in your way. you'd broken up with patrick two weeks ago. two weeks without his cock stretching you out - diabolical. even though you'd been the one to issue the break and to block him on everything - still, way too fucking long.

you think you might be able to get a few more jabs in - really seal the deal, because if you were honest, being a brat was addicting as hell - but when you approach patricks car and you see him leaned against it, cigarette in hand, just watching you come toward him calmly - you lose your breath.

you're drawn to him like a moth to a flame - willingly diving head first into the jaws of a wolf - and when you're close enough he drops the cig, crushes it underneath his shoe and reaches out - grabs you roughly by the collar of your shirt and yanks you to him. his mouth is on yours and its tongues and teeth and lips and moaning like you're each starving for it. he grips the sides of your face and plunders your mouth with his tongue and you clutch as his waist, scrabbling your hands under his hoodie to feel the warm skin of his stomach.

it twitches under your palms and you hungrily drag your hands up, wanting to feel him and patrick turns, pinning you to his car and fumbling behind you, yanking the back door open.

he pulls back, says, "get in." but hes already shoving you backwards himself and you're falling onto his shitty leather seats and he's following, coming down over you and slamming the door closed with his foot. he kneels over you, hands yanking at his belt - "you dont want me anymore, huh?" rips it through the loops hard enough that it snaps against his wrist when its all the way free. "I'm not serious enough for you?"

he's rehashing all the shit you'd said to him over text and you bite your lip, arching your back - but he places a palm on your stomach, pushes you back down - "this isn't serious." you lie to him and his eyes flash, he fucking hates when you lie to his face. which is why you grin and tell him, "im just horny - you could be anyone -"

patrick nods like, 'aw, yeah?' and you feel an excited shiver go through you - are expecting it but still gasp when he grips you by the waist and roughly rolls you over onto your belly. he's pressed against your back immediately, big and crushing you against the too hot seats. fingers yanking down your shorts and panties at the same time, "you're such a fucking liar." he grunts, lifts up just enough to wrangle his own jeans and boxers down over his ass. "what am I gonna do about that, huh? you know that shit pisses me off."

you moan at the feel of that big dick of his, hard and hot as it slips between your cheeks. the blunt head slippery as it glides over your asshole - "god, i missed this ass, fuck -" you try to lift your hips, make it so he slips down to your pussy where you want him. are ready to take him. but he shoves you back down his pelvis, knocks the breath out of you when he winds his bicep around your neck. "ahh, no. you think you deserve this dick in your pussy after the shit you pulled? i thought i was too small for you- "

you try to cry out when you feel him slip over your hole again, trying to claw at his arm but you cant. your hands are trapped under your body. you're immobile. you've never been so fucking wet in your life.

"stop-" you pant weakly, even as you grind back against him. "not there patrick- please -"

"huh?" he grunts against your ear and you feel the press of his cockhead as it probes your tight asshole. "you tellin me no? said i couldn't have your cunt so im confused, baby -" it pushes futher against the tight ring and you wail. wiggling your hips to try and buck him off but he doesn't move a fucking inch.

"im not ready - i didn't prep - patrick dont. - please, im sorry -"

just the barest inch of his cock is fitted inside the tiny hole. he moves his hips so it presses in and out just barely, and the burn has your pussy weeping. the leather is sticky under you. "that's too bad -" patrick pants against you, his arm flexes against your throat and your eyes roll back at the pain in your ass as he pushes more into you. "- cause you fucking know what happens when you're a brat. knew this was comin'-"

and its true, you did. knew from the start that patricks favorite way to punish you, to work out his anger was on your tight ass.

and thats specifically why you didn't prep yourself.

"you can cry about it, its not gonna change it -" his head finally pops past the resistant ring of your stubborn rim. you squeal and buck under him and he groans, burying his face in your hair - "oh fuck - you're so goddamn tight - grip me with that ass, baby, yes -"

despite your cries and protests he forces himself in inch by inch into the tight passage of your body. until you feel the weight of his heavy balls on your wet pussy. it hurts so fucking bad. you're so full you could die. why is so fucking big?? god you're so turned on. you needed this.

contrary to every action before it, patrick softly kisses the back of your neck. loosens his arm around you just enough that you can sag fully down into the seats below and gulp in air.

"that's it, good girl -" his body completely folds over yours. no part of you seprated as he has you basically prone. he shifts his hips and rocks his cock into your sore ass. "just lay there and let daddy use you now."

you gargle out something of a reply. already drooling from the mouth. and this isn't even the end.

[angel-of-the-moons]

The Arm of a God (And Other Things)

Khonshu x Fem!Reader

Summary:

You take a week-long hiking trip alone, despite the warnings at the lodge from experienced hikers.

But were you truly alone?

No. Never.

The bears and mountain lions were the least of your concerns. In fact...

They never were to begin with.

TW/CW: NSFW, Smut, PiV sex, unprotected sex, size difference, reader is a size queen, needy(?)Khonshu, creampie, ngl it's a lot like the dude's a god and like 9 feet tall I refuse to believe every part of his anatomy isn't proportionate to the rest of him, like he has a breeding kink?? God of fertility hellooooooo

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

Taglist: @drinkingwithkhonshu @gingersforeverbox @manque-damour @nikkivenomized

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

"Look, kid, no offense but..." The older man replied to you, his thick, bushy eyebrows pinched with concern for your well-being, "It's dangerous out there if you're alone. And compared to a bear, you're a small snack."

You smile at the old man, briefly taking in his far more rugged appearance. He looked every part of a human grizzly bear; large, imposing, muscular. He could probably take an actual grizzly bear in a bare-knuckle fight and come out even. He was an experienced hiker, a man born for the wilderness.

His concern for you was sweet. Compared to him, you were a tiny porcelain teacup; clean, and fragile. Sure you looked that way, but you trusted yourself and your abilities.

You looked small... but you weren't helpless. And you never had to worry in any of your travels.

"Thank you for your concern, but I'm covered." You chuckle sweetly, tapping the pendant around your neck. It was a small stone, scribbled with some sort of symbols, a crescent moon featured most prominently.

He squinted his green eyes at the necklace. He obviously couldn't understand what they said, but he understood it was some sort of religious object.

"Look kid, god can only do so much if a brown bear raids your camp in the middle o' the night." He says, clicking his teeth.

"Trust me. I got my bear spray, a good taser, a machete..." You begin listing off your protective items, some of which were bullshit. Most of your items in your pack were food and other important supplies.

He seemed impressed once you were done, stroking his thick beard approvingly. "All right, I s'pose. But since you've checked in here, there's a policy you tune into the lodge's frequency so if anything happens, we can come get ya."

To show how serious you took his advice--even if it wasn't needed--you pulled out your radio. It had about a 30 kilometer radius. An expensive purchase, to be sure, but a nice one. You tune it to the frequency he tells you and look at him as you clip it back to your pack securely.

"Anything else?" You chirp.

"Nope... Just... Be careful. The weather can get kinda crazy further up the mountain." He grunts.

You turn, giving a playful salute as you do, dragging deep into your lungs the air of the mountains after a fresh morning rain.

You weren't afraid for what the night brought. Not at all. But you knew that you've never had to be afraid when the moon rose.

Not when you had faith.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

You'd made good progress, only having to stop and rest a few times throughout the day, free-climbing a few boulders here and there, and to check your map. Your destination was an old burnt-down mansion that was destroyed in a bad storm sometime in the 1920s. So, over a hundred years ago.

Nobody really knew about them or bothered to find them because they were so far off the beaten path, but you marked your trail to find your way back. If you even got lost in the first place.

The first time you found out about this place was a small article written by a backpacker who explored forgotten ruins on YouTube. Yeah, they aren't as exciting as climbing a pyramid down in South America, but to you they were. You adored finding them and exploring them, touching pieces of recent history that were forgotten far quicker than ruins from thousands of years ago.

And when you found them, you tossed your pack down and did a happy little dance; they were amazing! The walls were made of river stone, joined by concrete and held up merely by their own sturdy construction. Some of the walls had fallen due to time, but you could easily make out a few old windows and doorways. Every inch of the ruins was covered in moss, shrubbery, and old and young trees embracing what was left.

You'd even climbed an old stairway you found in the back for fun; it may have led to the worker's lodgings, or.... hell maybe just another entrance to the second floor.

But now, the sun was gone, and you'd set up camp in the middle of the ruins, where a small pond had formed thanks to a depression in the ground. Perhaps the remains of a basement or cellar that had caved in due to the fire and passage of time.

Your fire crackled as you let your water purifier do it's job, your clean water dripping into your canteen with a steady "drip, drip, drip".

You finished off your pre-packaged meal--a nice packet of spaghetti and meatballs with some extra protein powder thrown in--and was now letting it settle, laying on your plush sleeping bag as you stared at the night sky, the moon fat as it hung from the stars; your fingers brushing and caressing the small pendant around your neck.

"I am not surprised to find you in a place like this." A heavy voice echoed off the stone walls.

You sat up on your elbows and lifted your gaze, smiling as you spot him--a large, lithe figure perched casually on the ruins, the light of the moon illuminating the eerie bird skull in place of his head.

"You know how much I love doing this." You remind him.

"Yes, I know." His voice said softly, his body moving in a blur. In a moment, he was standing above you.

You crossed your arms behind your head and grinned up at him. "It's been a month... Having fun with your Moon Guy?"

"My Moon Knight." He corrects, moving to sit next to you, laying his staff down on the remnants of the stone floor, little bits of grass and foliage peeking through the crags.

"Yeah, yeah." You snort, turning to roll on your side to grin at him again, resting your head in the palm of your hand.

"So... Read on the internet about some crazy shit going down in Egypt. And... It felt like you were gone. What happened with that?"

"Ammit and her cult. My Moon Knight and Taweret's Avatar stopped her. My Fist killed her Avatar." He said slowly. "And for meddling with the heavens... The Ennead imprisoned me, briefly."

You sat up fully, shocked by this news. "What? H-how... Why did--"

His fingers brush your lips to silence you, the touch feather light but enough to cease your speaking.

"It is settled, now. Don't worry." He says to you gently, his hand moving to cup your cheek, his warm palm heating your skin while his thumb brushes your cheek.

You close your eyes and sigh, frowning at him. "Damn you, old man... Don't worry me like that again, or I'll kill you."

"Of course. I wouldn't dare incur your wrath." He chuckled.

"Damn straight you won't." You sigh; his hand moved down your throat to encircle you, flattening on your upper back to pull you against him so you were astride in his lap.

You slowly slide your hands up his bandaged chest, feeling his heat bleed through your skin and warm you to your core. Your fingers toy with the large crescent moon fixed to his chest, brushing his flowing robes off to the sides.

"You are a force of nature," He hums, his other hand sliding down to completely encapsulate your ass and pull you tighter against him.

"One I have come to appreciate far more after my imprisonment."

You chuckle and watch as the strips of linen as soft as a moth's wing fall away into wisps of mist, leaving his almost searing hot skin bare to your touch.

His skin was a lifeless monochrome, ashen color, but it wasn't lacking in life at all, far from it. You could feel his godly heart thump in his chest, feel his muscles twitch as you touched him.

And already, you could feel the hard length of him pressing against you, swelling and twitching as it came to life as well.

It felt like his arousal flooded into you, spreading through your core and riling you up. You could already feel yourself soaking through your underwear, a dark stain soaking through your pants.

Sometimes you wished he could come to you at home; or in a motel room at least, so you can wear something nice for him, some lingerie or...

His fingers brushed your lips once again and he tapped them twice, signaling for you to open.

You obey silently, letting the soft pads of his index and middle finger part your jaws, caressing the muscle of your tongue, your eyes locking with his own eyeless gaze.

A rumble comes from him, and he groans as you roll your hips against his erection, the want and heat almost burning you inside and out.

One of your hands shoves down to undo your belt and unbutton your pants, and Khonshu withdraws his fingers from your mouth and almost dizzingly fast, his hand was shoved into your underwear, toying with your swollen clit.

You moan softly, your own small hands gripping at the gold collar on him for stability as one of his large fingers dips into your tight hole.

He grinds his palm into your clit as his finger curled and pressed against that overly sensitive spot on the walls of your cunt.

"Tight..." Khonshu growled, his other hand rolling your hips in time with his other hand. "You need to relax for me, love."

"T-Trying..." You pant, feeling the cool texture of his smooth dry beak caress against the blazing heat of your cheek.

"Hmmmh." He sighed and retracted his hands from you. "Get undressed. I need you to lie back."

You scramble off of his lap, watching his throbbing length bob eagerly as you peel your clothes off of you, lying back on your sleeping bag, spreading your legs for him to see every inch of you that was ready and waiting for him.

He had been gone for a month, and you knew on some nights, even when he wasn't there with you physically, you knew he would watch as you'd touch yourself to thoughts of him. No mortal man could ever compare to the love and carnal touch of a god, and he always felt a pang of guilt when he had to leave you for whatever duties he had.

But your reunions always ended this way, heat, lust and sheer want for companionship. You had started praying to him when you felt other religions didn't do it for you, finding that you being the wanderer that you were, would find more solace in prayer to a god who protected those like you.

And you certainly didn't expect to catch his eye, let alone capture his heart the way that you had.

His hand rests on your knee, thumb caressing the bones beneath the skin as he leans over you. He couldn't kiss you, but you always made sure that was never a problem, even now, as you tipped your head to place a soft kiss to the smooth side of his beak.

"Fuck--" You groaned, dropping your head back onto your travel pillow when his other hand rediscovered its place against your weeping sex, his thumb rolling small circles over your engorged clit while his other two fingers glide over your entrance; the muscles fluttering in anticipation of what was to come.

You squirm with impatience as each swipe of his fingers only serves to ignite a hotter flame burning low in your loins.

"Khonshu." You breathed.

When you said his name like that, it was always sweeter than any offering or prayer he has received. More uplifting than knowing his works uproots evil to protect the innocent, more delicious than watching Ammit and Harrow die at the end of Jake's gun.

"Just a bit more." He tightly reprimands, his other hand squeezing your knee to remind you to relax.

"You're such a damn tease." You whine, wiping one of your hands down your face, biting your lip and gripping your hair as his fingers inch slowly into your tight, hot hole.

Another deep, rumbling groan comes from him as he feels your body grip him like he was your reason for breathing; dragging, squeezing, pleading for him to just take you already....

But he wouldn't--couldn't--until your body had adjusted enough for this to be pleasurable for you as much as him. He was larger than a human man, and he knew your body was fragile compared to his.

Of course, he always felt smug and prideful when he acknowledged the fact he probably ruined you for any mortal man you may decide to bed one day. Because, honestly, now.

What mortal man can compare to a god in both love and in the bedroom?

You arched your hips up off the ground with a moan, whimpering out his name when his fingers curled upwards. But by bit he could feel your muscles ease up around him, your sweet body becoming slick and welcoming.

Sometimes he would get so mesmerized in how your body reacted just to his fingers that he neglected his cock entirely in focus on you.

He could feel your gummy walls press down on his fingers, fluttering around him as he pumped and curled them inside of you, fingering you open so you could take him fully.

He said your name so softly that it crackled like dry leaves on the wind, and you had to lazily drag your eyes open to look at him, the moon and stars shining above and behind him.

He was beautiful, in his own macabre sort of way...

Oh, if the Ennead knew he was fucking you, you both would probably be in heaps of trouble. But you always figured "bring it on" because you had some choice words for those bastards if you ever had the chance to meet them.

But those were thoughts for later, right now you were focused on your impending orgasm as his fingers scissored inside of you, pushing you closer and closer to that peak so when he pushed inside of you with his cock you wouldn't hurt (or bleed, as that has happened before when the two of you got overzealous).

And of course, right as you were about to cum, your whole body electrified to the point you actually thought you saw sparks in your peripheral vision... Khonshu pulled his fingers free of your wanting body.

You practically sobbed in frustration as your climax was taken from you so abruptly. It was a favorite thing of his to do to you; edging you like he does. But you knew it was for more selfish reasons than anything else.

He leaned over you, bracing his body on his forearms as he gently brushed your head with his beak--his closest approximation of a kiss--and you felt something warm and wet drip onto your belly.

Sparing a glance down, you pant softly as you watch the faintly glowing fluid drip from the tip of his cock; the very tip of it flushed the tiniest shade of pink on his otherwise colorless body. Maybe once upon a time his skin was a different color, but in his exile, it has become so dull.

"Are you ready." He grits out. More a statement than a question, really, as he knew your answer beforehand. But it was important to him that you never had any reservations.

He would not take without first receiving consent from you, without giving.

He was not Set, after all.

"Please." You breathe, reaching out to touch his cock, fingers brushing along the silky soft skin, smearing the precum over the tip with your thumb; earning a delicious groan from him.

He grunts softly, nodding as he lets you guide his weeping cock through your slick folds and to your hole.

It was always breath-stealing, the moment he pushed into you, his thick girth spearing you open and filling you so full you swore he was buried in your guts.

You kept your hand low, feeling him as he slowly slid further inside of you, a hiss coming from him. You were relaxed now, yes... but still so tight because of your comparative sizes that it knocked him off kilter; your heat enveloping him so welcomingly as though he was coming home again.

"K-Khonshu!" You hiccuped, your eyes rolling back into your head as you felt him fill you.

Khonshu's leg moves, pushing your thigh and nudging your legs open for him further; the both of you making low breathy sounds as your body squeezed him instinctively at the action.

"I'm... going to move, now." He snarls, reaching down to caress your thigh as he pulls back, your body desperately clinging to him, begging him to stay inside.

Your nails claw at his arms as you grit your teeth, sweat beading your brow as you feel him slide out inch by torturous inch before rolling his hips back into yours, filling you up almost as quickly as he pulled away.

"Oh--oh--" You whine, barely able to speak or form coherent thoughts as Khonshu starts arching his back and rolling his hips at the right angle to make your brain turn to mush.

The first time he had you, you thought you actually died. He had you ride his fingers until you couldn't move, and then he had you pinned, still thrusting his hand inside of you, coaxing and caressing your muscles to allow him entrance.

You did bleed, of course, because of his size. You'd had human bed partners, yes, but none compared to him in any way. You'd probably never be able to look at a human cock again and get as excited as you did when Khonshu teased you.

Oh, how strange it was... Gods often looked down at mortals because of their fallacies, not unlike their own in some ways... But lifetimes ago, the Old Gods of Egypt kept close relationships with their mortal followers. Of course... None had gone so far as to lay with them like Khonshu had done with you.

You'd tried to tease him, the first time you got intimate, that you were his first.

That's when he proved to you that just because you were his first human, didn't mean you were his first bedroom partner.

The way he made love to you was ethereal, almost entirely unreal. It was so good that sometimes you thought you'd dreamt it.

"Khonshu, I'm..." You moan, lifting your hips off of the ground to meet his thrusts as they picked up speed.

Khonshu watched you, his eyeless gaze boring holes into you as he studied your face, as beautiful as the most detailed works of art in human history as you came undone around him, soaking his skin as your body pushes every wave of your climax out.

His pace faltered, and he collapsed back onto his forearms as your legs locked around him, digging into the taut muscles of his glutes as your orgasm nearly knocked him senseless for a moment.

He gripped your sleeping bag tight in one hand as his pace quickened, desperate to taste his own release that threatened to swell up inside of him.

"Almost." He says, his voice wavering.

"Do it." You moan loudly, dragging your nails down his back desperately.

"Hrr--you--" He moaned back, his other hand moving back to grip your thigh so tightly you'd be feeling the bruises for days onward, even in his absence.

"Please."

"You... are... always... so... greedy." He snaps out with each thrust of his hips, the sinful sound of skin slapping skin and your cries filling the ruins.

"Is--Is it really being greedy if you--you want to--want--" Your voice breaks apart as he angles his hips up, his cock throbbing and twitching inside of you as he pumps you full, the sensation of being so utterly stuffed enough to push you into your second orgasm, forcing out globs of his glowing seed around his cock as he fucks you through both your orgasms, riding our your highs together in a blissful, mind-numbing spiral.

You were vaguely aware when he pulled his cock free of your body, barely grasping at the threads of consciousness as he looked down at you, his thumb pressing into your lower belly as he watched his divine seed drip from you.

He half wondered, if maybe you would get pregnant. Wondered what kind of child you would bear. A demi-god, surely, but what kind? In his pantheon, the children of their parents rarely shared the same aspects. Save for some overlapping connectivities, that is...

He could almost see your belly swell, nice and round... And felt something tug deep within his chest, a drive to see if this little thought bubble could burst--to see if his imagination would be a reality and bear fruit.

But, of course... His mind was dragged to the forefront of reality when your shaky little hand caressed the skull that was his head, your eyes drowsy and satiated as you smiled up at him, your god, your protector.

Your lover.

As he laid next to you, he curled your body with his and watched as the last embers of your fire burned away, leaving you only haloed in the soft, silver rays of his moon.

He couldn't believe he ever found you

[phantomrose96]

Hello I've now played Pikmin 3 and I'm beside myself with how Nintendo keeps doing Olimar like this.

After Olimar pays off President's whole debt (and then some) in Pikmin 2 he is... back on PNF-404 in Pikmin 3. Immediately. Like immediately. Because the President lost all their money again and he's sent Olimar and Louie back to PNF-404 again exactly the same as happens to Olimar in Pikmin 2 and this time there is absolutely an undercurrent of violence in Olimar's vlogs and logs. He WANTS bad things to happen to his boss.

But he's too polite and too composed so he's just keeping his cortisol levels down with elaborate fantasies of class revolution, and the mental countdown of how many days until he can get the FUCK off this planet and get home to his family for real. He was ship-wrecked and left for dead for 30 days in Pikmin 1 and fought and bled and killed for his own survival to make it back to his planet only to then IMMEDIATELY be sent back by his shitty awful boss to the planet for another ~30 days in Pikmin 2 (he hasn't seen his family yet) and then IMMEDIATELY is sent back in Pikmin 3 and he wants to go home. He wants to go home. His daughter sends him a message asking if he even lives with them anymore. I'm fucking beside myself.

THIS would all be... okay, at least, if Olimar actually got to go home. But No The Fuck He Doesn't. Because at the end of his mission he's kidnapped by concentrated pikmin nightmare fuel in the form of the game's final boss. Some non-corporeal omnipresent monstrosity which has kidnapped Olimar as a keepsake. A pet. A toy? Which allows Olimar just the chance to attempt an escape day after day before snatching him back and dragging him back to his eternal jail cell. The man who was just about to go home and finally see his family after 3 games.

You find his logs and he's just losing his mind, slowly. He knows he's never escaping. He's losing his will to try. He has nightmares of the pikmin turning on him. Louie's not coming back for him and the President isn't coming back for him.

Pikmin 1 is horror as Olimar is stranded alone with no one but himself to save him. His life support is damaged and he has only 30 days to repair his ship to get home, lest he die in the poisonous atmosphere of this planet. And it's horrifying but at least. At least. He had his own power to save himself. He makes progress steadily over the month. He has reason to keep his hope alive.

Pikmin 3 robs him of that. There is nothing under his own power he can do to escape the Plasm Wraith. His pikmin have all been killed. He's in an unwinnable Saw trap. And this time his life support system isn't damaged. It's the only thing worse than damaged - it's completely functional.

Given that, playing as the Koppaite trio, there is no time limit to save Olimar, I can only conclude Olimar's suit is fully functional this time. He has no food, no water, no chance to ever change out of his suit, but it keeps him alive. He's the Plasm Wraith's prisoner for as long as that suit will keep him alive. Indefinitely, maybe. Unless he could work up the nerve to remove his helmet himself and just end it...

But he doesn't. Day after day he tries to escape until he doesn't have the strength anymore. His suit forces him to sleep more and more, against his will, as a life preservation method. So he's forced to fade in and out of consciousness as this thing's prisoner. And this is forever. Until he dies.

The Koppaite trio rescuing him is pure coincidence. They were on PNF-404 for reasons completely divorced from Olimar. They should never have cared who he was or where he was. Olimar just happened to come across their warp drive key when they crashed, and he picked it up, right before the Plasm Wraith took him. They find him for the warp drive key. The Koppaite trio weren't supposed to save Olimar. No one was supposed to save Olimar.

And how. Awful. Because this time people KNOW Olimar is on PNF-404. President is back home on Hocotate and knows he's lost contact with Louie and Olimar. He could send help but he doesn't. He could COME to help but he doesn't. Olimar isn't waywardly alone this time. He's abandoned. And abandoned by the man who forced him into this danger.

And depending how well you play, and how many fruits you get as the Koppaite trio, a normal run is probably 20-30 days for them BEFORE you rescue Olimar. He was taken soon after they landed. So a month. Another month. Of Olimar stranded on this planet. Worse than ever before, as he's nothing but the mouse being played with by this world's cruelest cat. He hasn't been allowed to take off his space suit for a month... After ~30 days of Pikmin 1 and ~30 of Pikmin 2 and now ~30 of Pikmin 3. His daugher thinks he doesn't live with them anymore...

And then... okay and then... the Koppaite trio rescue him... They offer to bring him home. And Olimar's beside himself because he never thought he was getting off this planet. Someone's shown kindness to him for the first time in 3 games and it takes him by absolute surprise.

He and Louie get home.

AND THE PRESIDENT CALLS THEM IDIOTS FOR LOSING THEIR SHIP AND SENDS THEM IMMEDIATELY BACK TO GET THE SHIP

THE PLASM WRAITH IS STILL THERE AND ALIVE.

IT IS LEGALLY AND ETHICALLY ALLOWED FOR OLIMAR TO KILL HIS BOSS.

[yourfavepookiebear]

Hello ! I hope you have a great day. Can I please request Leona, Lilia, and Rook with a cheerful s/o ? For example s/o is nice,friendly,funny and mostly positive ? It's okay if you don't feel like doing this though, it's up to you :)

Of course pooks ! And sorry for the late ass reply, I was hella busy these past few weeks (I'm always busy but still) anyways, this one was kinda fun to write, and I had "lay all your love on me" playing in my headphones too, cuz music helps me concentrate. It took me a long while to write this tho because my imagination is shit when it comes to coming up with stuff.

Cw : none ? Just cotton candy-material fluff. A bit ooc, and short asf. Rushed too

♡☆ Leona Kingscholar ☆♡

Has a love-hate relationship with your personality

It's complicated ; he finds it cute, but at the same time, why the hell are you being kind to anyone that isn't him ???

Naturally when someone has a good personality it means lots of people will want to be close to them, which is good for you but bad for Leona.

In conclusion, he : 1. Finds it a bit endearing. 2. Is annoyed bc you're a bug magnet (by bug he means people)

Also he's absolutely flabbergasted at how you manage to be so positive and cheerful.

You frfr need to teach him cuz he urgently needs it. (His pessimistic ass is jealous asf)

But he'll learn to appreciate it, eventually..

(Eventually means maybe in 30 years when he turns 50. Eventually also means probably never. Eventually means only god knows)

♡♤ Lilia ♤♡

Absolutely loves It.

He finally has someone to be funny, cheerful, and silly with.

Yall are fucking partners in crime at this point, (except Lilia does all the work and you just sit back and watch)

Now now, don't get your hopes up, just because you're partners in crime doesn't mean you're safe from his pranks

And worst of all, he'll definitely have you try his food. (You better run into the forest and never come back)

Appreciates your cheerfulness, and your sense of humor

♡♡ Rook ♡♡

"Oh mon dieu, QUELLE BEAUTÉ !!!"

Will make poems and songs about your cheerfulness and will most likely adress you as Kalim's counterpart (although you're a bit tamer than Kalim)

Will fr show up under your window/balcony at 5 in the morning and start singing about your "beauté sublime" (guitar in hand n all)

Will probably gift you a rabbit or sum. Don't ask why.

I hc he refers to you as "jumeau du soleil" or "beauté du jour" !!!!!!!

[physics-of-one-piece]

Doflamingo's Day Trip to Punk Hazard

Clear the way. The King of Dressrosa is leaving the royal palace in a flair of absolute style for urgent business on Punk Hazard.

Better hold onto his coat for dear life, because this man is FAST. I recommend wrapping your arms around his neck, I would not trust that coat regardless of how it sticks to him. His arms aren’t in his sleeves, that is a death game I do not want to play. So, arms around his neck. Take a nice little inhale of his royal cologne probably worth more than your civilian life if you’re feeling brave. Maybe nuzzle into him, get comfy, you know. It’s gonna be a trip. You won't have the time to breathe. At least the view will be nice, both at the sea and the... Pilot.

Okay. Ready? (Dear God, look at the size of his shadow, holy hell)

Go!

AND HE’S OFF!

Welcome to Doffy's Physics Lab. Let’s calculate how fast Doflamingo flew from Dressrosa to Punk Hazard.

Things to note:

1) The One Piece world is much bigger than Earth. It’s not possible to calculate how big it is. 100 times big is too big, two times big is too small, but Oda put the bottom of the sea at 10km, which is the same as the depth of the Earth’s sea. See the confusion?

2) Law slowed him down by giving him the ultimatum and taking Buffalo & Baby 5 hostage and no clouds.

First, we need the distance.

We can calculate the distance from Punk Hazard to Dressrosa using the SAD tanker. It’s mentioned in the manga it takes a day to reach Dressrosa by ship from Punk Hazard, so that’s 24 hours. A cargo ship goes 25 knots per hour. 

nautical miles = 25 knots • 24 hours

= 600 nautical miles

We need to turn them into kilometers. 

1 nautical mile = 1.852 kilometers

kilometers = 600 • 1.852 kilometers = 1111,2 km ~ 1111 km

Keep in mind, the One Piece world is bigger than ours. This can be considered a short distance for them, but long distance for us. For real life example, London and Berlin are 1,100 km away from each other. The flight takes 1 hour 40 minutes by plane.

Next, we need time. Some people will hate that I use anime time, but for Punk Hazard, it isn't that big of a stretch to use it as a guide. Also, the fact the Straw Hats had a party and ate makes me think there was no way they were at the coast for a full hour before setting sail. Nuh-uh. They'd be sliced if they had stayed that long. But I'm also aware real-time probably happened faster such as a fight, so we're gonna cut the time of the ep where Nami & Usopp beat Baby 5 & Buffalo in half.

Doflamingo set off to Dressrosa at Ep 620, landed on PH in Ep 624. If we go and calculate when he made it to Punk Hazard by making it 18 minutes for each ep (counting 11 mins of 624, half-cutting 621, and counting only last minute of 620), it would be under an hour. That’s already awesome. He’s one of the fastest fliers in the series.

Let’s first focus on those 2 last minutes of Episode 620. 

At 21:25, he leaves the royal palace. At 22:23, he is already over the sea. That’s 58 seconds it takes him to cross over Dressrosa. Thankfully, the fandom did the size of Dressrosa already. 

The diameter of Dressrosa is 50 kilometers. The area is 1,960km². 

That is not even the size of Madrid (Madrid is smaller). So, he’d fly across Madrid like NOTHING.

To put Dressrosa as a comparison with the real world, it is the size of Kuiu, an island in Alaska in United States.

Here it is. It’s a shame Kuiu is so thin, but the length isn’t a bad thing to have. That’s what we need. Length.

Okay, the royal palace is at the center of Dressrosa. That means we go 50÷2 to get the radius.

That’s 25 km. Not meters. Kilometers. 

Okay, so, I mentioned Madrid. Do you all want to know the  area and diameter of Madrid, the capital of Spain, the biggest city in Spain? 

😁😁

It’s 606 km². The diameter is 27 km. The radius is 13.5 km. He’d cross all over Madrid within 30 seconds maybe.

🙂🙂

(Screams)

Haha. Ha. 

If anyone wants to know, Dressrosa is, thankfully, NOT bigger than Spain. Spain is 500 times bigger than Dressrosa. 

All right, let’s calculate how fast Doflamingo is moving to get from Dressrosa and already be out at sea within 58 seconds. We’ll add about a kilometer so the sea is the only thing beneath him as shown in the anime.

We’re using the simplest formula here.

speed = distance/time

We’ll put distance into meters because we have seconds here, not hours.

26 km = 26,000 m

speed = 26,000 m/58 seconds

speed = 448,27 m/s (1470 feet/s)

Let’s convert it to km/h

448,27 m/s • 3.6 = 1614 km/h (1002 mph)

Hahaha, holy FUCKING SHIT. That's jet speed.

I TOLD YOU, HANG ONTO THAT COAT FOR DEAR LIFE, I TOLD YOU.

Dressrosa to Sea = 1614 km/h (1002 mph)

Okay, he broke the sound barrier. If anyone wants to know, you break the sound barrier after your speed passes 1239 km/h (770 mph).

He covers 26 km within 58 seconds at 1614 km/h speed. He covers 448 meters per second. He is moving at jet speed here.

Okay, now comes the Sea to Punk Hazard. Doflamingo has cleared 26 km of the 1111 km so that leaves him with 1085 km to cross.

Here are the minutes. We now won’t count the 2 minutes from 620 because he passed that area.

9(split in half bcs of the fight)+18+18+11= 56 minutes

speed = distance/time = d/t

Speed = 1085 km/0.933 h

Doflamingo’s Speed = 1162 km/h (722 mph)

And there we go, he was flying at 1162 km/h.

Not breaking the sound barrier but it makes sense by what the anime showed.

One thing to note is this includes him saving Buffalo & Baby 5 at a point where Law made sure behind where they came from there are no clouds for Doflamingo to use. He loses about 4 minutes with Law blackmailing him and then he has to take a detour which takes him 11 minutes. We can’t know whether the Straw Hats talking at the Sunny was happening at the same time as Doflamingo landing at Punk Hazard, so we’ll give him those 11 minutes because there are no clouds.

That’s 15 minutes he loses, which makes it 41 minutes. Without Law interfering and the clouds not being there, he would have arrived at Punk Hazard within 41 minutes.

So let’s calculate that.

41 minutes= 0.683 hours

1085 km/0.683h

His full speed without being slowed down by his adopted nephew blackmailing him and kidnapping his scientist to destroy his entire business would then be:

Full Speed (without being slowed down) = 1588 km/h (987 mph)

That's 441 meters per second. That’s four soccer fields he crosses within a second.

Damn. And that’s his casual speed. Broke the sound barrier again.

He is faster than a plane, planes go 600-800 km/h. 

To put into perspective just how fast he is even at that speed, a car takes 10 hrs at the distance (From Berlin to Slovenia) of 1,090km. He literally crosses the length of entire Europe within 56 minutes based on anime time. And that’s him slowed down, according to anime time. The fastest flight from Berlin to Slovenia (1,091km distance) takes 3 hours by plane.

When he found Buffalo & Baby 5, they were away from Punk Hazard. This is important cus he got angry then. That means he SPED up.

So, now we have his descent speed to cover. You know, when he lands like a boss. Yeah, that.

Doflamingo’s Descent Speed

Okay, Doflamingo wears bright colours (white, pink, vermillion) the dominant colours are white and pink. From the front, you’d see about 40% of white and 60% of pink bcs of the way his coat hangs on his shoulders, it makes him look even bigger when he is big enough already like dear God, this man gave me heart attacks 90% of the time.

Why are his clothes important? Because of the sunlight reflecting off his clothes, therefore creating the reflection that causes the marines to see him as a spark, like a star in the daylight. The brighter the clothes, the more reflection which has a possibility of creating the spark in the sky (again, the sparks in the sky are caused by the object shining or you know, being ON FIRE bcs it’s falling down the atmosphere)

We’ll put his magnitude to +10. Humans can see the faintest star when its magnitude is +6. The more negative the magnitude, the brighter sth is. The Sun has the magnitude of -26. Magnitude isn’t important, though, except…

This means we can only see him coming when it’s too late. The anime showed this as a star gleam which I understand, to show just how FAST he is coming. They showed it in daylight, daylight has apparent magnitude of -26. This is a known thing, but when you see something like that, where there is that bright of a spark in the sky and next second it lands in front of you… its speed is 360,000 km/h. He is the only warlord you can see coming at you BECAUSE he wears bright clothes. Is that good or bad? Who knows. 

Doflamingo seems to first be flying at 20ish degrees downward toward the shore, but in the last moment (ten meter from the ground or less) he makes his approach a full horizontal one, because he whooshes past the marines in a full horizontal, linear direction and then does that epic landing.

For now we’ll focus on the descent speed, which includes his linear speed when he whooshes past the marines (in the anime when he whooshes past them he is not visible to them, he leaves blurs). 

I don’t want to fuck with curves. There’ll be tangents and there’s no need for them. I don’t think his strings even let him make a curved downward descent? He can do curves turns, but I don’t think he can do descents? It’s up for debate.

Okay, so let’s say Doflamingo is about 100 meters high in the sky. He reaches the ground within 0.05 seconds in the anime. Not even 1 full second, oh boy, fluffy man is FAST, GODDAMN. My eyes just bulged out of my head. Okay. Props to the anime team, that is a great show of his speed right there by making it last such a short time. 

Also, they never see him completely until he lands. We, the viewer see him, which means he is at maximum 4.8 km away (this is how far the human eye can see).

That means Doflamingo passes 4.8 km within 0.05 seconds.

I’m scared to calculate this, to be honest. This will be… this will be fast.

Let’s convert kilometers into meters to make our life easier. We get m/s and then we’ll convert them to km/h.

Buckle up. Keep a death grip on those feathers. Doflamingo hasn’t landed yet.

4.8 • 1000 = 4800 meters

descent speed = 4800 m/ 0.05 s

Descent speed (m/s)= 96 000 m/s (314 960 feet/s)

And into kilometers

Descent speed = 356,600 km/h (221 580 mph)

O.O

Holy fuck.

Yeah, crazy fast. You know, it makes sense now why G2 Luffy (who we’ll put moves at 2,400 km/h based on jet speed) was nothing in terms of speed. Damn.

Okay, so… this speed has not been achieved by any atmospheric or orbital aircraft, so I genuinely have nothing to compare it to. This is the velocity of objects in deep space like gravitational slingshots.

Okay, let’s put it into Machs. Fastest Mach we know of is Mach 30. Okay.

Formula is:

Mach number = speed of the object/speed of sound

Speed of sound is 343 m/s.

Mach number = 96 000/342

Mach number= 279.3 Mach

Doflamingo’s descent speed is Mach 279.3

No wonder he’s a blur. No wonder they only see him as a fckn spark in the sky. 

He didn't simply break the sound barrier here, he left the sound barrier at the bottom of the sea.

And he’s landed.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting off this 3 meter ride. Yep. Hopping down. It was fun. The coat is really soft.

Thank you for the ride, Doffy. Please go 50 km/h next time.

Taglist: @fanaticsnail

(Let me know if you want me to tag you in my posts and if you want to be tagged only for particular characters, let me know that, too. Thank you all for the love and support, it's really taken me off guard. You're all so wonderful. Love you all ❤️)

[shkudss]

Weakened by Eywa Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Masterlist

Summary: Ao'nung finally realizes that his actions have consequences

Warnings: curse words, bullying, mental breakdown, English isn't my first language

Author's note: tbh I didn't plan it to be longer than 2 parts, but now I think it'll be about 4-5 part (but I'm not sure lol). Anyways, I hope you will like it!

Yawntutsyip - darling, little loved one

Yaymak - foolish, ignorant

Yayo - bird

When Neytiri and Jake saw you in a complete mess on Neteyam’s hands, they thought something bad happened with you in the water.

Kiri and Lo’ak explained what happened without hiding any details. Neytiri was so furious that she was ready to take her bow and fight this little ignorant boy. She knew that he was annoying her kids, but didn’t expect it to be as bad as it turned out. On the other hand, there was Jake. He was furious too, he knew that his attitude towards all situations when Ao’nung annoyed his kids caused it. He shouldn’t have told his kids to respect him just because he’s Olo’eyktan’s son. That was his fault.

“Tonowari must know what his son did.” Neytiri was crying like any mother who sees her child in pain. Especially that type of pain which you cannot see. “Ma Jake, tell something! We can’t let that go. My daughter is hurt and only Eywa knows if she’ll be able to heal!”

Jake looked at her and all his kids, who were waiting for his response. Neteyam was still holding you like a baby while you were sleeping. His daughter, his little yayo. He has to protect you.

“I’ll talk to Tonowari.”

“I’ll go with you.” Neytiri wanted to talk to Ronal and say her all this she had to carry inside of her soul since they arrived here.

Jake didn’t want her to come, he knew that she was extremely emotional now. He gave her a look asking if he’s sure it’s the right thing. Neytiri was determined to do that.

“Wait here, take care of your sister.”

***

“I’ll talk to him and he’ll be punished for his actions. I’m really sorry for what happened. I didn’t raise him this way. I hope Y/N will forgive him one day.”

Toniwari and Ronal were in a huge shock when Jake told them what Ao’nung did. The shame Olo’eyktan and his Tsahik felt wasn’t even close to the amount of pain Jake and Neytiri had to carry.

“Don’t ever let him come to my daughter again! If I notice him even thinking about coming to her, I swear I will not control myself.”

“Neytiri...” Jake didn’t want relationship with leader’s family to worsen.

“She’s right. He should stay away from her. I don’t want him to hurt an innocent soul again. I promise, we’ll look after him.” Ronal knew how Neytiri must feel herself now. “I promise as mother to mother. If you need help, tell me.”

Neytiri just nodded, she was still not over her emotions. But she was thankful for this. Ronal was the only one who could understand her at least a little.

***

It’s been two weeks since your breakdown. These two weeks you’ve been taken care by your whole family and you barely walked out of your Marui. You felt like you were dried out. No emotions at all. Jake and Neytiri were extremely worried about your mental state. You barely talked to anyone, even Kiri, and preferred to do things on your own.

Neteyam didn’t even think about keeping your lessons on ilu riding. He tried to catch your interest on other things, but nothing caught your eye. Even Tuk tried to ask you questions to talk just a little. You had no energy to keep the conversation and pay proper attention to your little sister.

“Let’s go find some seashells?” Tuk didn’t give up on you.

“Tuk, I have no strength to do that. I’m tired.” You felt really bad every time you refused Tuk, but you couldn’t help it.

“Neteyam and Lo’ak are hunting, Kiri as usually disappeared. Mom and dad don’t let me do there alone. Please, I need you.” She started whimpering and shaking your hand.

“Okay, okay. But only for 30 minutes.”

“Thank you, I love you! Best sister ever!” Seeing Tuk jumping in happiness and saying those words warmed your heart. You smiled a little at the scene of here trying to find her little bag for seashells.

Once you went out of your house, you squinted because of the sunlight. These two weeks definitely affected you. The warmth of the sun and brightness of azure water reminds you of how you loved Pandora.

Tuk was holding your hand and trying to hurry you up to the shore. It became her hobby since you arrived here. Each in your family has at least one bracelet she made out of shells.

“I’ll sit here, you can go. Call me if you need help.” You were sitting exactly as that day with Kiri. The feeling of light waves surrounding you, calmed you a little. You were watching Tuk swimming and looking for colorful seashells. Sometimes she was distracted by some fish. As you were supervising little sister, you fell deep into thoughts and remembered that day. Sadness you felt all these days became more explicit.

You don’t know how to explain this sadness and why you feel it. You should be angry, offended, but not sad. Ao’nung said horrible things to you, but you’re not angry. Why?

“Oh Great Mother, help me. Let me come over this. I want to be happy again.” You whispered to yourself, feeling the tear falling to the water.

“Y/N…?”

Him.

You feel nervousness raising up in your body. Eywa must be testing you. You’re afraid to turn your head to Ao’nung.

“Please, don’t do this to me again. I can’t bear it anymore.” Your voice was trembling a little, but it was enough for him to understand your state. Especially, when he finally looked at you. Your eyes were like a glass, but without even a little sparkle.

He was standing about 2 meters away from you to keep distance.

“Y/N, I wanted…”

“What are you doing here?!” Lo’ak was furious, walking briskly towards him.

“Bruh, why are you always here.” You heard Ao’nung mumbling it annoyingly. You didn’t wasn’t really worried about what’s going to happen. Feels like you’re a doll without real emotions.

“You’ve been told you to stay away from Y/N. Are you that yaymak? Do you need us to punch you again to understand it?” Your brother came to him as close as possible and pointed at his chest aggressively. Lo’ak just like Neytiri was ready to fight him.

“I wanted to talk to her… normally.” Ao’nung raised his hands as a sign of peace and tried to stay as calm as possible. Even though his fists were itchy to punch him. “I won’t hurt her”.

“I don’t care. You’ve talked to her already and you see the result. It’s her first time outside since the past two weeks. Don’t make it worse.” Lo’ak lowered his voice so you won’t hear their conversation. You didn’t really care and turned back to keep watching after Tuk. She didn’t notice things happening on the beach, she was involved in her hobby. Her little bag was already full of shells, but she wanted to get more.

“Hey, you finally wanted to get some sun?” In a couple if minutes Lo’ak was sitting next to you. He wasn’t mad anymore.

“No, Tuk asked me to. All of you were too busy to accompany her in finding seashells. I didn’t want to let her down.” You smiled a little, watching your sister smiling as she find another colorful thing.

“But…” you noticed Lo’ak hesitating about something.

“What’s wrong?”

“Never mind. I’m glad you’re finally getting out of Marui. We are forest Na’vis, not Marui Na’vis.” He chuckled a little at his own joke and you couldn’t help but do it too.

Maybe, it’s not that bad.

Thank you, Great Mother.

***

Another two weeks passed. Since that day each member of your family tried to take you outside. Now you go out on your own just to think about your feelings. You are still trying to stay away from water and haven’t swam yet, but you’ve been exploring the little forest that’s actually pretty comfortable. It reminds you of home and you don’t have to hold your breath or ride ilu here.

You can be yourself.

Now you play with fan lizards and even laugh a little. It’s kind of meditation. Spending time in your environment, your home, helps your mental state. Jake says that you shouldn’t go deep into forest and you assure him that you won’t, but sometimes you loose the track of time and forget about your promise. What this happens, Neteyam is always first who goes to find you.

You feel unity with Eywa. It’s your secret, sacred place. You have a little pond here, some fruits growing on the trees and silence. This is your little world free from all worries, free from reality. You fulfill your energy here and nobody interrupts you peace.

You were sitting on the thick branch, involved in making a little bracelet from beads for Tuk. She gifted you a lot of bracelets and necklaces she made. You want to pay her back.

Suddenly your senses catch someone’s presence. Nobody is supposed to find you. It’s afternoon and none of your family should be trying to find you. Leaving all things, you silently stood up and tried to hide behind the tree as Neytiri taught you. You looked behind your shoulder to check who’s that, your knife is ready to serve you.

You heard stranger’s steps coming closer to the tree. You were getting ready to attack, no unnecessary thoughts were in your mind. Just as mom taught you. This is your place, your forest.

Another step and you catch this person, pushing them to a tree and putting a knife to their neck.

“Holy shit!”

You look up. Why is he here?

“Ao’nung? What are you doing here?”

All your strength disappeared the moment you realized who’s standing in front of you. Fear replaced it, slowly taking control over you.

You’re alone, with him.

“No, no, no, Y/N”

You walked back, still holding your knife firmly to protect yourself, but your hands were shaking which made things obvious. You’re just like a little animal who’s afraid but has nothing to do but protect yourself as you can.

“Don’t…”

“Y/N, I wanted to talk to you. Please, let me speak.”

You were afraid to trust him. Because his words hurt you. You’re afraid to hear him speaking to you. But the way he looks at you, his eyes aren’t filled with anger. You take your time, considering his words.

Ao’nung was waiting patiently, he was afraid to do something wrong. Examining your concerned look, he prayed to Eywa for you to trust him. The effort he put to find you and go through this forest without being injured was enormous. Now he understands how hard it is for you to get used to Metkayina’s way of life. He should have thought about it before.

“Don’t come here again.”

And you left, leaving him alone in this forest.

“You are skxawng, Ao’nung.”

--------------------------------------------------------

P.S. There wasn't a lot of Aonung and y/n's conversations and I focused more on her recovery and feelings process, but I hope you liked it! Next parts will be more about Aonung and Y/N! Also, i'm not really sure how taglist thing really work, I hope I did it right🫣

Anyways, if you want to be tagged, comment and I'll add you!

Peace, friendship, bubblegum✌🏻💗

Taglist: @elegantkidfansoul @ijwsbdinp

[miss-musings]

"Can't You See They're Using You?": The Parallels Between Cid and The Empire as Exploitative Employers in "The Bad Batch"

In rewatching "Star Wars: The Bad Batch" after the series finale, I've realized just how many similarities there are between Cid and the Empire as employers for the Bad Batch and Crosshair, respectively.

I know I'm not the first person to point out how badly Cid used and abused the Batch, even from their very first meeting in 1.05 "Rampage." In fact, @xylionet has a great post summarizing just how much Cid took advantage of the Batch's -- mostly Hunter's -- desperation and inexperience dealing with the galaxy's shadier people.

But, beyond that, the show ultimately drew a lot of parallels between Cid and the Empire as employers, from their attitude toward clones to their manipulative personalities. Even the timelines for the Batch's and Crosshair's employment align very well, down to the conditions at which they start working for them and why they ultimately reach their breaking points.

Before we dive in, a few clarifications:

I'll mostly be focusing on Cid in this analysis, as I think the Empire's faults are pretty clear.

And, when I say "the Empire," I mean the Imperial officials Crosshair interacts with and/or takes orders from -- mostly Rampart and Nolan, but to a lesser degree, Hemlock and Tarkin as well.

SHARED TRAITS

Manipulative personalities

From the beginning, Cid did whatever it took to leverage the Batch into working for her.

Once she realizes that they're 1) desperate for information/money and 2) inexperienced/gullible/etc., she very quickly works to get them on her side.

She offers an exchange of information and money if the Batch bring in Muchi, but she neglects to tell them Muchi is a Rancor, probably because she figured they wouldn't have accepted the job if they knew.

As she gives Hunter the information and 30% of the cut, she says that with a bounty hunter after the Batch, they'll need "friends and money -- mostly money." It's objectively not an incorrect assessment, and she offers them more work. Hunter says he'll think about it, and that's when she pulls out the blackmail card. She knows how valuable they are and knows people are after them. If they cross her, she can turn them in.

Cid ultimately uses whatever tactics she has to get the Batch to do what she needs, whether that's sweet-talking or strong-arming or leveraging them (either financially or via blackmail).

Likewise, Rampart especially gets on Crosshair's good side by initially praising him as an experienced clone and elevating him to commander of an elite non-clone squad. He also seems to give Crosshair plenty of clone troopers as well when needed. However, once we get to the Ryloth arc, we see that Rampart is more than willing to threaten Crosshair when he feels like he's underperforming.

Even in Season 2, Rampart continues to play this game with Crosshair by praising him just enough that he still feels valued, while also demoting him and then insinuating that Crosshair needs to continue proving his worth or risk losing his position.

Assigning morally questionable jobs/missions

While this is obvious for the Empire, it's something I don't see talked about much regarding Cid.

Her clients are shady people, and she either doesn't ask her clients a lot of questions or doesn't provide that information to the Batch.

After she strong-arms them into working for her in 1.06 "Decommissioned," she sends them after a tactical droid. The information it has could be useful against the Empire, but it could also lead to the deaths of thousands of clone troopers -- the Batch's reg brothers.

This is something the Martez sisters point out to the Batch, and Hunter says they're "being paid to acquire and deliver," admitting that who the client is or why they want the information isn't a priority. The Martez sisters argue that it should be.

Granted, a lot of the jobs we actually see the Batch doing for Cid are later hand-waved as being a good thing. They deliver arms to freedom fighters on Ryloth, they reunite Ruby with her owner, they free Muchi from slavery, etc. But, there are plenty of jobs we partially see them do or hear about them doing, which could easily have been "bad" things, especially given how shady Cid's clients are.

Arguably, if Cid ever gave them information or the Batch guessed that a given job was a "bad" thing, they could just not do it for her. But, again, she has leverage over them, so I don't know whether they have much of an option.

Dislike of clones

Basically all the Imperials we meet in the show don't like clones.

Rampart pretended well enough in Season 1, but we know from later episodes that he hates them. Nolan is very brazen in telling Crosshair how much he abhors working with clone troopers, saying he "doesn't like used equipment" and that the clones are ultimately expendable. And, obviously we know of Tarkin and Hemlock's hatred for clones.

But, Cid inexplicably hates them as well.

I think she was willing to bring the Batch on because she felt she could use them, but she's very rude Rex in 1.07 "Battle Scars" and apparently didn't like hosting Gregor in 1.15 "Return to Kamino."

She tells Rex and the Batch that she's "done taking in strays," that she's not running a charity, and that her parlor "isn't a clone clubhouse."

She could feasibly have concerns that, if enough clones start hanging out at her parlor, they'd get on the Empire's radar. But, if that was her concern, there were 100 better ways to say that.

We don't get to see her interactions with Gregor, but I don't understand why she was immediately so hostile to Rex. For all she knew, he could've been there to pay her for information or hire the Batch for a job -- something where she would've gotten paid. Shouldn't she have been trying to get on his good side and at least see what he wanted first? But, instead, she immediately and very rudely dismisses him.

Also, Cid has a clone trooper helmet on the wall in her office. (It's on the lefthand side as you look at her desk.) Considering she used to be an informant for the Jedi, I wonder how she got that helmet. Was it a gift? Why would a clone trooper give her a helmet? It seems more likely that it was a trophy of some kind. She seems to have a lot of strange items around her office, but a clone trooper helmet should've been a red flag for the Batch.

Asking a lot & giving little in return

Cid ultimately had the Batch risking their lives for her and her clients, and was apparently only giving them 30% of the payout.

By 1.07 "Battle Scars," they're also in debt to her despite doing at least 10-12 jobs for her. In 1.10, Cid tells them that the Batch needs "a big score for us to be square," and Omega ultimately pays off the debt by hustling people at the strategy game.

So, even if after 1.10, the Batch renegotiated off-screen so that Cid started covering their expenses and that their standard 30% is pure profit, that still seems incredibly low to me. I would think 40-40-20, with the 20% going to cover expenses would be a decent starting point.

But, apparently, they're still doing jobs for her in Season 2 and still only getting 30% -- their standard rate. We're not sure what their success rate is, but they've been able to complete some big jobs for her. They definitely should've renegotiated up to at least 50% or something, especially considering how frequently they were endangering themselves and Omega on these jobs.

With Crosshair and the Empire, he doesn't really have much in the way of benefits, because the Empire ultimately considers all the clones their property.

They were never given a choice on whether they wanted to serve the Empire once it replaced the Republic. They're assigned these dangerous and morally questionable/reprehensible missions. If they question their orders or refuse, they're labeled traitors and arrested; and if they leave, they're branded deserters.

Crosshair at least gets room and board, but he probably isn't getting paid much or at all. Once Senator Chuchi's bill passes in 2.08 "Truth and Consequences," he might be eligible for a retirement/severance package like we see the clones talking about in 2.12 "The Outpost," but he likely wouldn't have a say on when he gets to retire/leave.

Meanwhile, Crosshair and the other clones are risking their lives for the Empire. We see in 2.03 "The Solitary Clone," that the clone troopers are sent in to complete the most dangerous work -- securing Desix and freeing the Imperial governor. But, once it comes to actually occupying the planet, the Empire assigns stormtroopers.

I also always found it interesting that the clone troopers bothered to get Crosshair medical attention in 1.08 "Reunion," but Nolan doesn't in 2.12 "The Outpost." I feel like the clones, at minimum, cared about each other even under Imperial command. But as more non-clones started taking command, they basically said, "Why bother? Clone troopers are a relic of the past, and we have millions of TK troopers who can take their place."

Lack of intel/resources to complete missions

Speaking of 2.12 "The Outpost," we hear about Mayday's predicament: The Empire doesn't provide enough men to defend the oh-so-valuable cargo at the Outpost and doesn't provide the equipment needed to keep their troopers safe. They have to wrap their armor to stay warm; the conditions degrade the sensors; they don't have the tools needed to disarm mines; and so on.

Similarly, the Batch bring up several times in Seasons 1 and 2 that Cid withholds information about their jobs.

Wrecker in 2.11 "Metamorphosis": Limited intel. Huh. There's a surprise.

Maybe sometimes her clients or sources don't give her information as we see in 2.11 "Metamorphosis," but there are plenty of times where she purposely withholds information, like Muchi being a Rancor in 1.05 "Rampage."

Cid was either accepting jobs without much intel because she was getting overconfident in the Batch's abilities, or -- more likely -- she was getting greedy and sending them on as many jobs as possible regardless of the conditions.

The latter seems more likely, especially with how it aligns with how the Empire treats the clones. They're more than ready to put money into the TK trooper program -- and we know from the Original Trilogy that TK troopers are also essentially treated as expendable -- but the Empire clearly doesn't give a crap about the clones, especially after 2.08 "Truth and Consequences."

Ultimately, both the Batch and Crosshair and the other Imperial clone troopers have to make do with the little they’re given, despite putting so much on the line for their employers.

“All you’ll ever be to them is a number”

Something I haven't talked about much yet is how Hunter is so prescient about Crosshair being used by the Empire, but doesn't see how Cid is using him and his family to a similar degree.

This is something @xylionet pointed out too:

It’s rather ironic that Crosshair and Hunter are both able to see each other’s situations for what they are, but not their own.

One of the things that hit me during my rewatch of 1.15/16 was Hunter telling Crosshair: "All you'll ever be to them is a number" referring to the Empire.

Admittedly, Hunter isn't wrong. As we see, all the Imperial officials Crosshair interacts with only call him by his CT number, never by his name. (The only exceptions are fellow clones like Cody, Mayday and Emerie.)

And, in 2.03 "The Solitary Clone," when Crosshair asks Rampart about Commander Cody, Rampart acts like he's never heard the name Cody before in his life. He ONLY knows Cody -- one of the most famous commanders in the entire Galactic Army of the Republic -- by his number. Hell, even EMPEROR PALPATINE knew Commander Cody's name in "Revenge of the Sith."

But, while the Empire being a bunch of assholes makes sense, what gets me is that Cid is the exact same way:

She ONLY ever called the Bad Batch members by her little nicknames.

Cid absolutely knew their names. She would have to if she was ever planning to turn them in, as she eventually does. Maybe she didn't know their clone numbers, but she definitely knew what they called each other.

Yet, even in those moments where they came through for her like in 1.13 "Infested" and 2.04 "Faster," she never uses their names as a sign of respect or gratitude. Hell, even after Tech dies, she still only called him "Goggles."

Now, I'm not saying that nicknames are inherently bad. I have plenty of nicknames for people, and vice versa. But, I think there has to be an established relationship first, and then the nickname should be a sign of affection rather than a way to demean someone.

Cid calls the Batch mostly by their outward appearances or accessories -- Tiny, Muscles, Goggles, Bandana, Dark & Broody. (Note: she uses "Dark and Broody" for both Echo and Hunter on different occasions.) It just indicates how she sees them -- not as people but as objects. She's only looking on the surface because that's all she cares about.

“Blind allegiance makes you a pawn”

It's obvious to see that Crosshair's misplaced loyalty to the Empire ultimately made him one of its pawns, to be used and abused.

But, as I've outlined, the Batch was in a similar position with Cid.

Hunter definitely sees that their "mutually beneficial arrangement" with Cid isn't great, but he doesn't really have much choice. They're on their own; they're deserters/traitors; and now they're in charge of a kid and being pursued by bounty hunters.

However, as I'll talk about more in a second, the Batch had several opportunities to walk away from her and try to find some other ways of "making a living." Yet, they continue to work for her despite all the red flags that they definitely see but choose to ignore. This is partly why Echo eventually leaves, because he disagrees with Hunter's decision to maintain this lifestyle rather than fighting for their fellow clones.

While Hunter is arguably the most at fault for letting Cid use and abuse them as long as she does, Cid takes advantage of Omega's loyalty the most.

Even as Omega is trying to convince Hunter and the others to -- and I can't believe I'm about to say this -- pit two crime syndicates against each other just to get Cid's parlor back ... all Cid can say is, "You tell 'em, tiny!"

Twice she asks/convinces her family to stick their necks out for Cid despite all the risks involved, and yet they get little to nothing in return -- including respect.

Despite all the risks they take for her and all the money they bring in, Cid doesn't give a crap when the Marauder gets stolen and the Batch are stranded on the mining planet in 2.09 "The Crossing." That's when the Batch -- particularly Omega -- finally reach their breaking point.

By 2.11 "Metamorphosis," Tech suggests that they only do this last job for her to ensure they leave her on good terms, because she knows so much about them. But, it's clear Omega and Hunter are fed up with how badly Cid used them, which happens to coincide nicely with Crosshair coming to the same realization about the Empire.

Which segues into the timeline analysis:

THE SIMILAR TIMELINES BETWEEN THE BAD BATCH/CID, CROSSHAIR/THE EMPIRE

Reluctant employees (early S1)

As mentioned, the Batch and Crosshair start working for their respective employers because they don’t have a lot of other options.

Crosshair is, of course, practically abducted by the Empire and forced to do its bidding under the effects of the inhibitor chip. This starts in 1.01 "Aftermath."

Meanwhile, the Batch do the initial job for Cid in 1.05 "Rampage." They do a one-off job to get intel on the bounty hunter(s) after Omega, as well as earn some much-needed cash. The Batch didn't really have much of a choice in either finding or working for Cid, because Cid was the only Jedi informant Echo knew how to find, and they were desperate for the intel.

Then, as mentioned, she subsequently uses strong-arming and blackmailing as needed to get them to work for her in 1.06 and beyond.

Falling into a routine (mid-S1)

By 1.07 "Battle Scars," we can see the Batch has fallen into a routine of doing jobs for Cid. As she said, they need friends and money with bounty hunters after them, and they don't really have any other ready sources of income (as demonstrated in 1.04 "Cornered').

Yet, despite all the jobs they've done for her, they're also in debt to her. Meaning, they can't easily walk away without giving her even MORE reason to turn them in, so they have to continue doing jobs for her in hopes of paying off the debt.

Meanwhile, Crosshair and his ES troopers have been continuing to operate under Rampart, presumably carrying out missions under his command. Granted, we don't see any of these except the Onderon mission in 1.03 "The Replacements," but based on how effective they seemed to be in 1.08 "Reunion," I imagine they were doing missions together off-screen.

The first possible turnaround point (late S1)

If we accept the fan theory that Crosshair's chip was removed or deactivated/damaged around 1.08 "Reunion," then Crosshair has regained his free will by the next time we see him in 1.11 "Devil's Deal."

Yet, despite the Empire hijacking his mind and body and forcing him to do all sorts of terrible things, he continues to work for them of his own free will. He has an opportunity to walk away, but he doesn't.

Likewise, the Batch have an opportunity in 1.13 "Infested," after Cid's parlor gets taken over by Roland Durand.

But, thanks to Omega's misplaced loyalty, Cid's blackmailing and other factors, Hunter decides to pit two crime syndicates against each other to get Cid's parlor back and continue working for her. (I cannot emphasize how stupid of a decision this was!!)

Even after Cid's schemes get the Batch in trouble with the Pykes to the point that Omega is taken hostage, the Batch continue to work for Cid. They're lucky this was a "family show," or the Pykes would've definitely killed them or injured Omega or something else just as bad.

If ever there was a time for the Batch to walk away from Cid, this would've been it -- either before the job or after. But, like Crosshair, they don't take the opportunity to walk away.

The second possible turnaround point (S1 finale)

Crosshair had another opportunity to leave the Empire and rejoin his brothers at the end of 1.16 "Kamino Lost." But, instead he decides once again to double-down and stay with the Empire for a myriad of reasons that might have to be its own meta some day. (I touched on it a bit in my S1 Crosshair/loyalty meta.)

But what might be overlooked is that the fall of Kamino was another opportunity for the Batch to leave Cid.

Again, the reason they sought her out and one of the reasons they started/kept working for her was because bounty hunters were after Omega. The bounty was active through 1.09 "Bounty Lost.” At that point, the Batch learn that Lama Su put the bounty on Omega because she's crucial to their cloning operation.

But, as the Batch see for themselves, Tipoca City is decommissioned and destroyed. The Kaminoan cloning facilities are gone. The Kaminoans aren't in a place where they need Omega anymore, because the Empire has effectively ended cloning (at least for military purposes).

So, they could've left Cid after the events of Season 1. Maybe they could've even left her on good terms after saving her ass in 1.13 "Infested." But, they don't.

Starting to second-guess (early S2)

Admittedly, Hunter was never super-comfortable about their arrangement with Cid, but he persisted because he didn't see a lot of alternatives.

But, Omega (and Tech and Wrecker) clearly start to have doubts about working for Cid during 2.04 "Faster." They once again stick their necks out for Cid by offering to clear her debt with Millegi. And, while Cid is grateful at the time, we see later that her gratitude is short-lived.

Based on what Millegi tells them, especially at the end of the episode, it's clear Omega (and the others) are beginning to doubt whether Cid is someone worthy of their loyalty.

Likewise, Crosshair's experiences in 2.03 "The Solitary Clone" start to plant doubts in his mind. He was stranded on Kamino for a month and comes back only to get demoted and sent on a dangerous and morally questionable mission. And while Crosshair and his squad complete the mission, and Rampart even praises Crosshair for it, we also see that Rampart really doubts Crosshair and the other clones' loyalty.

Ultimately, after his experiences with Cody and their mission on Desix, it's clear that Crosshair is beginning to doubt whether the Empire is worthy of his loyalty.

The breaking point (mid/late S2)

As I've pointed out in another post:

Both the Batch and Crosshair fell into a routine that provided them security and stability in an otherwise chaotic time in the galaxy; and both only reached their breaking points when their employers left them for dead.

For the Batch, this is a combination of 2.09-2.11. The Marauder gets stolen while they're on a job for Cid. They ask for her help, and she doesn't readily or easily commit any kind of assistance. They get the Marauder back on their own, and Cid is more than happy to give them another job, framing it as: "Do you wanna make money?"

It's become clear to them that she views them as tools -- only useful to her, not the other way around.

Meanwhile, at the start of 2.12 "The Outpost," Crosshair sees that the Empire has started to retire clones, but at least he's still getting missions.

But, Barton IV ultimately becomes his breaking point when he sees just how expendable he and all clones are. Based on what he said in 1.15 "Return to Kamino," he thought he was "superior" to the other clones, but as Nolan proves, the Empire didn't care either way.

As Mayday points out, the clones sacrificed everything for the Empire while getting nothing in return. Crosshair and Mayday are essentially left for dead, and when they come back looking like absolute hell, Nolan first yells at them for not retrieving the cargo and then tells them to get to work.

As Nolan blatantly tells Crosshair, he and all the other clones are expendable -- only worth keeping around as long as they're useful.

Not out quite yet (late S2)

By 2.13 "Pabu," we can see the Batch has completely cut ties with Cid and are working with Phee instead. Cid leaves them a message, saying that their absence has cost her a lot of money and she once again threatens to turn them in.

Despite emotionally cutting ties with her, they're still physically at her mercy to a degree. Plus, even once they made it clear they didn't want to work for her anymore, she still wants something from them and she's willing to hurt them if they don't cooperate.

Thankfully, Phee comes through for the Batch and introduces them to Pabu -- their future forever home.

Crosshair, meanwhile, is imprisoned at Tantiss. Despite emotionally cutting ties with the Empire, he's still physically at its mercy.

Hemlock offers him a deal: his freedom in exchange for helping him find Clone Force 99. Crosshair refuses to give up his family, even under torture.

Just like the Batch, despite Crosshair's attempt to "walk away" from the Empire, they still want something from him and they're willing to hurt him if he doesn't cooperate.

The fallout (S2 finale and beyond)

Of course, everything falls together in 2.16 "Plan 99," as Cid sells out the Batch to the Empire. The Batch's and Crosshair's former employers temporarily join forces to screw everyone over in the worst ways possible.

Although it was clear to us from the get-go that Crosshair was wrong to trust the Empire, 2.16 confirms to us the audience just how wrong the Batch was to trust Cid. They came to her in a moment of need, and she betrayed them.

Granted, I think this was mostly Hunter's failing, as they never should've gone back to Ord Mantell. I understand they were hurt and desperate to have AZI heal Omega, but Cid told them multiple times she was willing to turn them in. Plus, they just showed on her doorstep after striking a high-level Imperial compound. They knew -- or at least suspected -- that they were already being targeted based on Crosshair's message, but after hitting Eriadu, they would've been on the Empire's "most wanted list."

Jumping to Season 3, Cid's nature is made even clearer as she gives up the Batch a second time.

It's unclear whether CX-2 bribed or tortured Cid -- probably the latter -- but Cid also sold out Phee. And Cid told the Batch she considered Phee a friend. (Although based on Phee's comments in 2.13 "Pabu," that feeling wasn't mutual.)

For all Cid knew, CX-2 could've tortured or killed Phee to find the Batch, and she still gave up the information.

Once again, the Batch's and Crosshair's former employers work together to screw them over.

One last thing I'll add is how the show gave us glimpses of Crosshair and Cid's true colors around the same time. Crosshair is first bribed and then tortured for information about his family, but he doesn't give them up; meanwhile, Cid sells them out after everything they did for her. And, if CX-2 really tortured Cid in Season 3, it just proves how little she cared about the Batch (or even Phee) compared to how much Crosshair cared about them despite everything that happened in S1.

IN CONCLUSION

I want to state for the record that, as frustrating as it is to see our favorite characters allow themselves to be used and abused by their employers, I don't hate any of them.

These characters are human. They're not perfect, and hindsight is 20/20.

I know several people who were hoping that Cid would come through for the Batch, that she would be a true ally even if she was grumpy and rude (and that's putting it mildly).

If anything, I think this all shows just how similar Hunter, Crosshair and Omega are. They share a lot of the same strengths and weaknesses. Hunter and Crosshair see just how terrible the other's situation is, but not their own; and Crosshair and Omega are loyal to a fault.

They all just wanted some security and stability in what was a very chaotic time for the galaxy and their family. I can understand, to an extent, why they made the decisions they did even if I find them frustrating.

If you want to take any of this meta and apply it to your own lives, by all means. Despite what some folks might think, Star Wars has always been political, and I don't want any of you to end up like our favorite Bad Batch characters.

At the end of the day, "The Bad Batch" is a family show with a lot of morals and lessons about the importance of love, hope and family -- whether blood relatives, adopted or 'found.'

But, it's also a show about the evils of political systems and corporate greed, and how the forces around us will profit off our blood, sweat and tears while giving us little to nothing in return.