#i'm trying to understand
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E/riel gives "But daddy I love him" vibes in the worst of ways
#antie/riel#anti e/riel#it don't make sense y'all#i'm trying to understand#welcome to my brain#mind wandering#wandering mind#just thinking
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can you please show me how you did it?
Oh hello! Um, can you elaborate on this? Do you mean how did I change it? If it's that, you can change it in settings under Asks. Like this:
Is this what you meant? Sorry if it isn't!
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we're afraid
i'm afraid
what if i only exist today
what if i go to sleep and someone else wakes up
what if the lobby people come back
what if the lobby people don't come back
i woke up in a stranger's bed this morning and the other people here say it's mine
that it's ours
that i'm them and they're me
that we are called alters
that this is called DID
that we exist at all because terrible things happened to a kid for a really long time
but i only woke up for the first time today
i didn't exist before i think
and the other people aren't sure they existed before either
if they're people who were here already or if they're brain copies of those people
are any of us real
am i real
i don't want to disappear
#other post#-mm#that's the format rea says to use#i'm trying to understand#but i haven't gotten very far
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understanding academic concepts got me blushing swinging my legs giggling
#dude I spent like 3h trying to understand one algorithm yesterday & wrote the messiest most confusing ever paragraph abt it to the thesis#only to have a WAIT A MINUTE-moment today and completely rewriting that in like 20minutes#dont wanna say yesterday was wasted bc I'm sure that was just the thinking process I had to go through to get it to my head#studyblr#uni studyblr#april 2024#2024
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and i know i've kissed you before, but i didn't do it right
#something something the essence of bakugou's life is trying over and over to confront and understand and make up to deku#this drawing took me several days .. not sure if i'm satisfied with it but at least it's done lol#bnha#mha#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku#bakudeku#bkdk#fan art#becki draws stuff n stuff
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faves from s2
#squid game#squid game 2#player 230#player 124#player 333#player 125#230 x 124#124 x 230#thagyu#squid game fanart#sorry i'm still trying to understand how to draw them
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the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh
#lucanis is being SO cringe with that line right out there in public and I would die for him. it's just such a weird thing to say#tbf if anyone in the world is used to the insane things lucanis says and would go 'yes yes lucanis waxing poetic about coffee#in ways normal people reserve for trying to get in someone's pants (the roast won't fuck you lucanis)#we've all heard it' like it's all normal I suppose it would be illario. and also he's too busy with the 'shit fuck shit he's not dead#he's not dead of the family members 'supposed' to be dead we're at two definite failures out of two and woe me if the twain should meet#if that IS a demon in there it sure talks exactly in the same bizarre way only my cousin does#does that mean anything what the fuck do I do who do I kill about this' internal monologue I guess#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I mean he does very much say that to a non-romancing rook too which only makes it all the more delightfully odd#is it a very lucaniscore way of testing the waters. is it just how he always talks about coffee. many plausible approaches here#no one forced him to bring up kisses and 'you should try it' out of the blue like that is all I'm saying. he could have acted normal#(theoretically)#i feel there are reasons to read some stuff into it lol#lucanis when rye says he prefers tea: it's so over cautious overture I don't quite understand myself yet gently rebuffed#lucanis when rye takes him up on the 'so what should a first kiss be' theme: oh we're so back!!!! wait. what. what do I do now#what is this#it's kind of really sweet that rook answers with their own playfully florid beverage based barely hidden metaphor at the end too#matching freaks and having fun with it#as far as lucanis is concerned rye's only true flaws are 1) prefers tea to coffee (oh well. no one can be perfect. cross-cultural love#can conquer all even in this) and 2) weird taste in interior design (did we really HAVE to bring your 15 foot tall corpse statues#with us home rook. I can understand a tasteful skull here and there but this seems excessive. well if it makes you happy I guess)
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I'm still working on getting the gardening ending for myself, but I've been collecting some ponderings I'd like to write down. So:
A congregate of thoughts on Watcher lore (as of now):
• I really like that this DLC is right now three kids in a spiritual trenchcoat. None of them is normal. I bet they'd all be friends if they met.
• I really like the color coding of these 3, as for what I've assumed regarding to colors' symbolism in this world: - Black stands for Nirvāṇa, the Void, being outside of the reincarnation cycle - Gold/yellow stands for holiness, ascension - Blue/purple stands for damnation/stagnation - White stands for Saṃsāra, the cycle of reincarnation, the physical world (the Watcher lingers in the physical world, unwilling to leave it)
On the account of blue and yellow being on opposing sides on the color wheel, I'd also gander a guess that the Rot and the Void don't entirely agree with each other/may be on opposing sides.
• Therefore, I don't think the gardening ending was exactly what the Rot Prince wanted to achieve, supported by his last two dialogues with the Watcher:
[Greeting lines]. As with all great deeds, my work is not without great challenge. It has taken eons and the light fades. The paths close and change. I can almost feel... a will... at odds with my own.
[Greeting lines]. Forgive me if I go on! You have done so much for me, I will not burden you with my troubles. Please, rest here as long as you wish. You are always safe here, my dear friend. You, who were there for me.
My guess is that the content that hasn't dropped yet will introduce either a new character/s in a sort of godly roles, or will explain the powers playing behind the wheel flowers and the Cycle.
• A light at the end of the tunnel (or something white/bright with a way to it?) is mentioned by both Spinning Top (at her ending) and the Prince (both as a flowerbud and in that first paragraph I copied up there).
I don't know what to do with this yet, I just found it interesting. Something something the white light within the Void Sea in the original game?
• ,,Outer Rim...?"
The Buddhist cosmology says the world is made out of 9 mountains (Mount Sumeru [the axis mundi], 7 golden mountain ranges and 1 outermost iron mountain range [maybe the withered buildings here are made of rusted iron, buried in stardust]) and 8 seas (7 freshwater and 1 saltwater), with 4 continents within the salt sea who's inhabitants each have a little something extra (except the South I guess, that's where *we* are. well apparently all Buddhas appear here actually, so you know. that's a something).
For an interesting example, the north continent called Uttarakuru is said to house the wealthy, owning no private property, where their food grows by itself and they live in the skies (Iterator cities, nudge nudge).
The name of this region could point to the Buddhist cosmological map being a physical fact for this world. I'd like to think that the dimension hopping aspect to the Watcher's worming through the space-time is at least limited to 4 continents(/realities?).
Also a fan fact: in Chinese mythology it is said the waters flow and stars fall slowly, because a water god with a bad tamper, Gònggōng, broke one of the pillars supporting the sky. Combining this fun nugget with the established lore in a pearl that everything is once eaten away by the Void down below, I'd say it is safe to assume on 89% that the dust mentioned in that pearl comes from the heaven itself and creates a sort of a cycle of the physical matter.
Suppose stardust is what creates everything, powers everything (just as is said in science). Suppose the Starcatchers are superstructures made for conversion of it into desired forms, these ones perhaps in the West of the world specifically, because of their circular shape.
(Meaning Signal Spires are perhaps of the South, while original game- aka Pebbles and Moon- are in the North of this world.)
• I find it fascinating and validating that Spinning Top needed some sort of an Embrace from one of the Five Urges/Hindrances (the third one, companionship) to be able to pass on.
It points to my idea of what the religion is Really supposed to be about: the Five Urges are what they are- urges- and they cannot run rampant. The point isn't to absolutely *eradicate* violence, pleasure, companionship, hunger and desire to live from oneself. The point is to be able to control these things and not cling on to them.
Because if one clings on to something, they stagnate, they cannot progress, they rot and they *fear* losing the something more than they can truly enjoy it or they get far too lost in it to feel it right anymore. To cling on to life means being afraid of taking risks, trying something new and really Living.
But now that doesn't mean going for the opposite is the correct way to go about it- that still creates a desire, a clinging- an urge for death is just as good as urge for life. It binds. It's extremism without careful consideration for what is really the best to do, feel and think in any given situation.
(This goes for love, too, it is GOOD to love, but going too far becomes unhealthy obsession instead of love. Going the other way results in hatred, another utterly useless and harmful thing to harbor. Same as indifference - that is stagnation again, that isn't picking up something, working with it to move forward. Love is a forward motion that is required, but cannot be overdone because as so it would be bastardized into something else, possessive and caging.)
Spinning Top could move on only when she knew that the flipside of the Third Urge- a sickening loneliness- wasn't something to fear anymore.
• Yeah, I don't think we can count on backgrounds too much when it comes to size calculating on the basis that they are probably shaped around gameplay. Specifically thinking about how the spinning top toy changes sizes between it's in-game model and the art. When it comes to Ancients, I'd say the best one can do is do what feels right.
• The Rot Prince is some sort of a boosted up Preta, I swear to heavens. Hungry guy. Maybe the Rot as a whole is a Preta stand in, just way more physical.
• Can't believe my ,,Respawning is real" headcanon has been officially given the thumbs down... The *Strand* Theory is real. (Even though DP is separate from the Watcher, this at least explains why Artificer didn't just go back to the last shelter she slept in when her cubs were still with her. They went to a different strand, where a different Artificer managed the situation better and we are stuck in this reality without them.) (We see them in her Void ending either because they are the one thing her heart wishes for [the Void gives comfort to those who are passing, as far as I am concerned], or because the Void is where all the reality strands and times coincide into one another.)
• On that note, no Fucking wonder the Ancients wanna bail - we don't really know to what extend they were aware of reality's unwounding nature, but assuming it is Pretty Thorough, I too wouldn't wanna live with the knowledge that in one reality I might've died on my loved ones, leaving them broken, while in the other everything is just fine and dandy.
The endless wondering of ,,Did I die in a different reality at any point in my life? Did I leave these people I love behind to hurt, alone, and I can't do anything to help them? I can never know, I'm not allowed to comprehend..." would slowly kill anyone with a heart, I think.
• I wonder if the Prince is a puppet/the Rot made itself a puppet, - because the Starcatchers were Iterator-esque biomechanications with a different directive than iterating on the Big Problem and this is a consumed Starcatcher (something about its budding dialogue feels to me like there was a sense of a Self beforehand that was drowned out by the Rot and then was pulled forward again with additions) - because the Rot is at the edge of the universe (humming a tune) where a messed up slugcat decided to start ripping holes in the reality, therefore connecting different strands including to places where the Rot already existed as a plague upon Some Iterator, which gave spark to sapience and inspiration to a new mind
• The new karma set is definitely a droplet and the ripples it leaves behind. Makes sense, too, there's more ,,movement" within it the more Spinning Top yanks the Watcher around in time-space (accidentally, I'd guess. or the ,,blame" is more on Watcher *somehow*), messing up their physical existence more and more.
Maybe the karma symbols or the imagery itself have something to do with a combination of an axis mundi and the strand form of existence.
Something about there being a main timeline in which each action and decision creates a new ripple, a new strand.
• I wonder if the Watcher could've come across Spinning Top and effectively latch on/follow her, - because they were already dead/echoed (the dream sequence upon reaching the final karma level could mean they did go to the Void Sea and swam pretty deep but turned back and that resulted in Echo-ification? then again why can a lizard bite me. Spinny's laughing at me for it. Goddammit.) - because of their nature as someone who's so damn hesitant about things, who hangs in the backlines, only observes and learns. Very Echo-esque personality - because of their desire to have someone there
• Just realized that we have a canonical design for Spinning Top's mask, hot damn. ,,How do children's masks look like?" answered.

I don't know why, that kind of creeps me out.
• The portals existing outside of us are made by Spinning Top, I'm pretty sure. She's always over them.
Is it normal for Echoes to leave tears like that? I think if the Rot Prince met her and knew she's the one who started this whole journey that resulted in him coming to exist as a consciousness and to bloom, he'd see her as a friend the same way he sees the Watcher.
• I wonder if his approach to the Rot Triple Affirmitive is ,,it's going to get worse before it gets better". He has suffered, too- while he normally speaks gently, calmly, orderly, when he is a flowerbud he seems frantic to me. Like someone breathing through death before getting better.
• Is the concept of the Rot Prince created for the first time in all existences' or is he a repeating pattern, too? The Rot in the least seems to be a pattern, because of what Spinning Top says when we meet her in one of the original regions, eaten through by the Rot.
,,You shouldn't have come here. It's too far." Does that refer to this strand's/ripple's distance from the axis mundi/the water drop creating all these realities? The further out the little wave carries out, growing smaller and weaker, the more rotten through it is? Is it because still water is stagnation, just as the Rot is?
So the Cycle is change and movement, life and love, that exists in a hurtful matter not out of its design, but because it has to contend with absolute stillness/stagnation/the Rot? Or it's all part of the same system, truly designed like this?
Could a Mass Ascension be seen as an escape plan from a ripple growing old? Man...

• A quick attempt at illustrating the previous thought:
Some Pepe Silvia level nonsense going on here.
#spot says stuff#rw#rain world#rw watcher spoilers#rw spinning top#rw ancients#rw echo#rw the prince#my art#i adore the Prince because he has Such full confidence in the Watcher & revels it a little while I'm here fucking up the teleport command-#-& not understanding how lightning in stormy coast works yet.#he's like a dog. you leave for like 2000 years from his POV & all he does when you get back is go 'hi friend!! :) make yourself at home.'#what a homie. what a sweetheart. I wish he had an overseer so I could pretend talk with him like I did with Moon and Pebs.#he speaks to me as if I brought him the stars & yet last time I played I spent 6 hours futilely trying to figure out how to spread his Rot.#i know now. i had to look it up and i feel like an idiot. the game demonstrates it 4 times and the Prince himself even tells you about it.
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i do think the "dark age of the law" thing in dual destinies was perhaps the stupidest thing imaginable. why's everyone suddenly freaking out about corruption in the courtroom. do you think manfred von karma got that forty-year win streak out of nowhere. do you think miles edgeworth got HIS win streak out of nowhere. do you think damon gant's control over Fucking Everything came out of nowhere. do you think furio tigre's ability to masquerade as a defense attorney and nobody saying a damn thing about it came out of nowhere. do you think franziska von karma holding up a photograph and being like "i know this picture is illegal but what are you gonna do? Unsee it? <3" came out of nowhere. The three-day "guilty until proven innocent" trial system. The sheer sway prosecutors held over the entirety of the court, up to and including shit like being able to assault the judge and opposing defense attorney with zero consequences + tailoring witness testimony to suit their case and threatening said witnesses if they said anything too revealing. Hello. Can anyone hear me. I'm going nuts
#THERE WAS AN ENTIRE TRILOGY ABOUT HOW FUCKED UP EVERYTHING WAS.#i'm trying not to be a hater this year because quite frankly i've got more#important things to worry about but please understand i think dd is genuinely one of the worst games capcom's ever#come out with and its most blatantly attempted cashgrab to boot. i mean goddamn#how do you make a game that feels so empty you could hide a whole pocket dimension in there
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Chez le Père Lathuille by Édouard Manet, but make it Good Omens! Muriel is very confused but she's investigating them because she is a human police officer
#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#fanart#my art#Truly my magnum opus but I'm never doing this again#I don't think I had ever and will ever draw a better Crowley#And I don't know what spirit possesed me but thank you spirit#This took longer than I'd like to admit but it was worth it... I think it helped me understand colour theory a bit better#I would colour pick the tree leaves from the original painting (that were clearly green) and the colourwheel would be just brown... like how#Tbf half (if not everything) of the background was just varying shades of brown and yellow#And it worked#Goddamned sorcery#But Manet's one of my favorite “old artists” so staring at his work trying to decipher the logic behind his sorcery was fun
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"I don't like Renee because she seems so fake" my brother in christ did you read the book
#SHE IS FAKE! That's literally what makes her interesting#what part of “I'm a bad person trying very hard to be a good one” do you not understand#aftg#all for the game#renee walker#I love you always and forever Renee
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Can I interest you in............ Jarmulkes or perhaps........ Jippahs???
#jumblr#meme#personal thoughts tag#i'm trying so hard to understand the appeal of this i'm sorry but.#denim?????????#DENIM kippot?????#DENIM??#can somebody who wears these explain to me like i'm four#i promise this is all in good fun tho
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quick study <3
#my art#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonadow#I was trying to get a hang of drawing their quills#and also drawing more dynamic poses#you have to understand I started drawing mobians this year#and I have never drawn furries in my life#but I'm getting there hehe#sth#sonic
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Hi folks! Sorry I've been a bit awol lately! Holidays and all that. Also I've been going through a bit of a digital detox and I've been feeling INCREDIBLE because of it. It's making me feel more free. Makes me want to step back from the internet even more. I've gotten much more physically active, I've been working out and reading books and learning to cook... developing my own novel that I've been wanting to do for years! MAN. It's been really nice.
I don't have any plans to just stop Something Wonderful and not continue it, but it might be a while before the next post!
#cqchat#yall are always so understanding with me so I appreciate it very much!#and I've always wanted to write a novel#been developing the characters and the world and I'll work at my own pace until its ready for the world#I always put too much pressure on myself so I'm trying to remove some of that and just do something for the pure love of it#digital detox has been real helpful!#thanks as always for your time#:D
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Happy Birthday to Fallen London; My favourite British people beefing it with bats simulator.
#fallen london#ambition: nemesis#mr.cups#the grey mourner#Happy belated birthday to me: I finished my Nemesis ambition. I get to make a fun comic about it. THAT WAS THE DEAL!!!#...Is what I would have said had I not spent *four* days trying to draw a cool dramatic comic. This is all I have to show for it.#I also missed posting this on the Flondon anniversary so I'm double Smad and frustippointed at myself.#This is niche content but I know there are flondoners following me who will understand.#I had to make a second account because all my friends who I played with *also* picked Nemesis and dropped the game at various gates.#I failed every possible check at Knifegate. I was on the verge of madness. And yet I still love this game.#Little known secret about me: over 70% of the blogs I follow on tumblr are flondon rp blogs.#The cool art and character lore brings me a lot of joy!#With that said; what the hell is the coincidence that right as I finish Nemesis -#The flondon community starts a Nemesis Race.#Guys. it’s not worth it. It is a revenge quest about losing everything you have to see your task through.#All to culminate in the discovering that you are beefing it with a fanfiction writing bat.#That said; I do feel like this story was very satisfying for my melancholic doctor.#I knew I would get the choice between sparing or killing my nemesis (the bat) and I had a long time to think it through.#Someone who wants to save lives and (does as much as possible to do make things better for others) choosing against mercy?#Someone who never permitted themselves to let the city truly become a home because they were not a person - they were a tool for grief.#Alright..Yeah the ending was really good.#I will be back with a part two. Clearly I'm tenacious enough to commit to what I started.#If I am not excommunicated on sight by the flondon community I will be back with comics for the other ambitions.
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Once you stop thinking about queer people's labels as strict indications of what's in their pants and who they do/don't bed and instead view queer people's labels as how they interact with the world, you'll find that you'll get along with queer people better and treat them better, I think.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#like of course some people use labels in the way i described first and i don't think that's inherently bad...#...but like. as a trans person i hate when people try to like... use my labels (or their labels they force on me) to say what's in my pants#i think there's a fone line between somebody using a label in the first way i described and somebody forcing their understanding of other...#...people onto them. like.#i think it can be a small shift in thought but it's helpful#it reminds me of the shirt that went around of the boston dyke march (<3) shirt design...#...which basically listed who was welcomed at the march and it was a super long list#if anybody is wondering what i'm talking about wrt the last two tags i have the image on hand
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