#i'm trying to distract myself but i have work. so much of it

[perseus-oh-my-perseus]

Uh... contrary to what popular belief would be, I typically go for a fancier look when I'm running late. Like, I'll originally plan for something like sweatpants and a I-truly-do-not-care shirt, and I'll have that stuff on, but when I'm running late, I just tend to. Change, ya know? I'll throw on some jeans, some jewelry, my boots, and I'll try to fluff up my shirt. I'll just be running out while putting on my makeup when I originally woke up planning to deadpan-glare my way through the day.

I love rain! No matter how inconveniencing, it always manages to lighten my mood because it reminds me to throw expectations out the window and say 'fuck it' and move on with a pep in my step. As much as I need sun, I also like my rain because it gives my light-sensitive eyes a break. It reminds me that I am alive just like everyone else I see and that the reality I see before me is real; and half the time I don't even realize that I'm starting to feel like a passenger in my own life. It's my own little break, it's my self-indulgence, it's my laughing in others' faces because they're annoyed at the rain when I've never felt so alive.

I'd say my laugh is different with a shitty joke. It's more of a kneel-over barking laughter that makes me start crying and my stomach her kind of laughter that takes me by surprise and leaves me with my eyes a little brighter, my smile a little more mischievous as we share that little moment of joy and humanity that we know will leave but we are both okay with it because it will come again. It's also got this sort of delay when I'm in the moment and enjoying myself where it'd take me a little bit to register it happening (delayed audio processing my beloved <3 /lh /s), and then the joke itself, and then I'll laugh and it'd be a little embarrassing that such a joke took so long--especially when I'm the only one to react to it--but everything washes over eventually, so it'll be alright.

I'd duck and scream. Honestly and genuinely, on Jupiter, that will be my reaction. I hate insects and I hate the unknown, so I will react accordingly because I don't know what it is or if that bee will sting me. And yes, this is a genuine, heart-gripping fear :(. I don't mind existing and I even respect how and why they Work, but I genuinely, truly and utterly, hate them flying near me because of the unknowns :(. I could give you a whole psycho-analysis about it, tbh, but that's not the conversation of today :).

I have two moods when delving deep into a good fanfic or book--either hilarious, I-forget-that-I'm-being-perceived faces (usually when I'm in public or in an otherwise populated/I Need To Be Aware Enough Of Reality To Remember I And Said Reality Exists space), or a truly and utterly, devoid of any expression or mental existence, deadpan/resting bitchface that leaves people concerned for my well-being and me totally and utterly unaware of my surroundings bc I'm just That Deep Within The Book. Both are equally likely to happen no matter the book or my involvement within it, it is just a product of being so very easily lost into hyperfocus when occupied with something but also unable to be bored/not doing anything. So... there we go! This happens with pretty much anything--me acting out so I remember my existence and Presence Within Reality, or just going completely dead to the world out of hyperfocus and/or being mentally drained (and the amount of hours I've lost after functions/long days- wow-)

Another thing I'd like to say, since we're already sorta on the topic of it, is that I make the cutest and most innocent facial expressions when my name is called/I'm being brought out of a focus/my attention is being shifted. One of my teachers literally Stops what she is doing when calling roll/being distracted by the monotonous of things when she calls my name because my nose is usually deep into a book/something I'm doing that I literally pop my head up, frown, and glance around to figure out where I am, before looking up and smiling to say that I'm here and then immediately burying my nose back into whatever I was doing. She. Stops. to do this with me :)). Each & every day I have her class :)). This happens in a lot of things too! It's just that look of genuine confusion about Everything like after a good and deep nap that leaves you wondering what day it is and what the concept of time is :)). I think about this interaction constantly :))

As for the other things? I've never had coffee a day in my life and I don't plan on it for a long time. I hate soda. I'm my own worst asshole and I will do things against the best interest of myself--for the better or the worse. I talk and genuinely feel as though I am not doing enough even though I am gone for nearly 18 hours a day on the regular. I am genuinely injured and still will go through that process and the back and forths of wondering if it's worth enough to take a break and also feeling like I've already taken too many breaks. I will worry needlessly over projects and grades despite having numerous past experiences telling me I'll do well because I'm worried that, as soon as I let my guard down, that will be it. I actively and vocally bargain my own fate almost 90% of the time because I, again, am my own worst asshole and, again, I worry that I'll drop the ball with my own cockiness on something I need. If left waiting/in an event where I'm merely watching instead of doing or I need to focus on something/kill time so I don't become a nervous wreck, I will start conducting a fake band with absolutely no rhythm than my own anxiety. I will also start tap-dancing with my boots (I have never tap-danced or seen tap-dancing a day in my life), and I have a much worse lung capacity than someone my age and ✨skill level✨ should have. But I am great at lessening anxiety around me, listening to people/talking through theirs, and joking around about my own stresses because I deserve it and it helps me too :)).

I also absolutely & utterly hate loud, unnecessary, and sudden noises--the second one especially when overstimulated!

Long distance relationships suck. I want to know so much more than what you text me.

I want to know what kind of outfit you pick when you're running terribly late. What's your first reaction to rain. If your laugh is different when it's caused by a shitty joke. How you react to a bee flying by. What expressions you have when reading a very good book...

All those things you find insignificant about yourself, I want to know them. I know there is so much to love about you that I will miss if I'm not close enough.

[hauntedhopeghost]

Main seven OCs :3

Cassandra (Cassie): She/They, Asexual Lesbian, Demigirl. "it might've been a nightmare, to anyone who might care." (everything i wanted) "i'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy" (Oh No!) “It’s crazy what you’ll do for a friend.” (Daddy Issues)

Lauren: She/Her, Cis Lesbian. "'Cause cover girls don't cry after their face is made" (Scars To Your Beautiful) "Do you swear you'll stay forever? Even if her face don't stay together?" (Mrs. Potato Head)

Kira: She/Her, He/Him, They/Them, Genderfluid Asexual Biromantic. "They just keep doing nothing, Too intoxicated to be scared" (xanny) "Nineteen, but you act twenty-five now." (Wish You Were Sober)

Mitsaki: He/Him, Bigender Pansexual, "So why do you call me, and tell me, you want me back?" (Maniac) "His parents cared more about the Bible, then they did in their own child." (hope ur ok)

Jasmine (Jaz): They/Them, Agender, “Lived a double life, wish I was surprised.” “It’s past point of no return, when will we learn?” (POWDER) “Was it best you’ve ever had? Was it the worst you’d never know?” (Alien Blues)

Lina: She/Her, Aroace Transgender Girl, “Mom, am I still young? Can I wait a few months more?” (Class of 2013) “Plus I know whatever happens to me, I know it’s for the better.” (Waiting Room)

Elita: She/Her, Cis and Pansexual, “They say I’m a ‘Control Freak’ driven by a greed to suceed.” (Are You Satisfied?) “Better to be hated, than loved loved loved, for what you’re not.” (I Am Not A Robot)

[battywitch]

I just can't believe that zero pain is the normal amount to be in

[izzy-b-hands]

Was doing okay holding back all of the fear re: the potential election outcome until literally this second what the fuck to my brain lmao

[cuteniarose]

The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!

[doedipus]

a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.

it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

[lesbiansanemi]

I'm so tired

[evil-gay-person-inactive]

news about aida

Hey guys I'm kinda going through some shit mentally and I'm probably going to be significantly less active than usual. Some of you may have already noticed my decline in activity, some may have not, but I guess I'll be going on a semi-hiatus until... date to be determined :)

Feel free to reach out and talk to me on Discord, but you've been warned, I'm not always online there.

I love you all so so much and I'll be thinking of you guys while I'm away :))

[yeahlikethebird]

.

[philcoulsonismyhero]

Sometimes all you can do is find something to do to distract yourself from useless worrying, and sometimes that distraction ends up going surprisingly well, so here's a WIP of the thing I've been working on this evening:

I'm redrawing a favourite screencap and aiming for as much realism in the colours as I can muster, and it's going better than I expected.

[fstbmp-a]

you know what i'm gonna ramble a bit because a friend sent me smth that they said reminded them of my portrayal of sonic and i want to gush a bit

This kind of stuff. This side of Goku. This is what I try and put into my Sonic portrayal.

Sonic never wanted to be a HERO per se. They just wanted to do what they thought was right. Live life their way. Make sure everyone has that chance themselves, because they know what it's like. How the easy path is always sitting right there, at the detriment of others, and how it can so easily be seen as the right choice.

How they're only a hero because of the way they are, not the other way around. Anyone can be them. Anyone can be a hero. Power's power. It doesn't matter how you got it. It doesn't matter who you are. Potential is potential and can be used however you want it to be. Nobody's life is set in stone. The future isn't, either. The only person that gets to define who you are is YOU.

People always assume Sonic will never understand, but it's a truth they have to live with every day. They hold so much power in their hands and every day it's a CHOICE to live their way. So many opportunities to stray from that path.

Then they see other people, as despicable as they are, and they see that same potential that they have-- that ANYONE has. They want to give a chance, no matter how bad, to be better. To prove the them of the past wrong. It won't be easy. Every day's going to be a new challenge, but if you're already hurting then why not TRY it anyways? All it takes is that first step.

Someone's always going to believe in you, after all.

All you have to do is believe in yourself, too.

[bluesquaress]

face reveal

[quill-n]

I'm tempted to repost some of my tiktoks here?

Idk, I think I make funny content but the algorithm buries it shsjbfjskd—

[radellama]

Picky but.. when watching a docco/docco style video, while it can be interesting to hear about how you ended up in contact with certain relevant people, or how there were plans to contact people that fell through, or that you couldn't get in contact with them... I hate when the filmmaker harps on and on about their 'investigative' process and try to dramatise it.

Sorry but. I don't really want a 15-20+ min detour of you lamenting over trying to get in contact with certain people when all that's happened is you sent an email and didn't get a reply.

[vynegar]

14% of the way through....