#i'm too tired to tag but please anyone who reads this and wants to tag in

[lovelettered]

.

[juanabaloo]

i was tagged by @audelia-bly

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

(Mostly Fuffy! Fuffy = Faith x Buffy. My 10 most recent posted includes 2 randoms, and then after that they are in chronological series order. So these series stories go from kiddo Faith - sorry no Buffy - to long established relationship. There are no archive warnings, except for #10.)

Tru Flowers (E)

Buffy sighed sadly as she read the message on the card. "I love you so much."

2. Praise Her Blindingly Scrumptious Luminescence (T) medium long

Faith dreamed. The Mayor had ascended.

3. My summer vacation in NYC (T) *start of the Series*

Faith sighed, anxious to get on with the trip already.

4. Thanks to you (T)

“Pour me another one!” The bartender gave me a wary look.

5. I don't care about the presents (E) longer fic

Buffy sighed. She wasn’t sure how it got this bad.

6. Vampires and Eye Exams (E)

Buffy logged off and joined Faith on the couch.

7. Fringe (E)

Buffy wasn’t expecting that from binge-watching a TV show.

8. Hoosier (E)

“You OK if I keep watching this movie Buffy?” Buffy gave a quick glance to the TV, some movie about old time basketball.

9. Dinner Out for the Fake Holiday (G)

Buffy smiled, she liked their Valentine’s Day tradition. It had started with their first Valentine’s, when Faith couldn’t even visit on the actual day.

10. facing sorrow with Faith (E) **mind the tags**

Faith was looking forward to it, her afternoon with Buffy.

[amirasainz]

Hi literally get so excited when you update! Can you write one where charles x alexandra x reader where charles and alex are away for an event and forget that it's the reader birthday ans only remember when someone tells them birthday it and they try and make it up to her.

Hi loves. I hope you enjoy this little piece. Let me know what you think. Comments are always apreciated!I'm sorry,but the Sydney Sweeny picture was perfect, so I had to include it😉

Also, question (and please answer me that in the comments), does anyone read what I write before the story? Like the little message here? I'm just curious❤️

Enjoy reading and send me requests!!❤️

-XoXo

The Birthday disaster

You couldn’t believe it. They weren’t here. They didn’t call, text, or even send you a freaking letter. Your own boyfriend and girlfriend forgot your birthday. And not just any birthday, it was your 21 birthday. Instead of celebrating with Alex, Charles, and all of your friends in a vibrant club, you were sitting on the balcony of your apartment. Despite the cold wind hitting your bare skin mercilessly, thanks to the cute short dress you wore today, you couldn’t bring yourself to walk back inside.

Of course, your friends tried to get you to come out with them to celebrate your birthday properly. But it just hurt too much, and to be honest, your mind was too tired and sad for any kind of festivity.

When Charles and Alex first informed you about the event hosted by one of Alex’s friends, they eagerly asked you to join them. Unfortunately, your job didn’t allow you to tag along, which both of them understood. However, they promised you that they would return today at around 5 o’clock. To be honest, you thought they had something special planned for your birthday. But last night, at around 11 pm, you received a text from Alex, informing you that they would be staying longer in Venice, where the event was held.

At first, you thought this was some kind of joke. Maybe they wanted you to think that they weren’t able to celebrate with you, only to surprise you with a birthday party. But sadly, when you woke up this morning, nothing happened. Throughout the day, there was complete silence between you and them.

Your group of friends, who had been with you a few hours ago to at least celebrate your birthday a little bit, tried to convince you to go out and party with them. Before you could agree, you got a notification from Instagram. You were tagged quite often in a post showing Alex and Charles at the event. They looked so happy and carefree, making you feel even more numb.

Despite their best efforts, your friends left after half an hour, after you reassured them with phrases like “Yes, I will take care of myself,” “Yes, I will call you if I need anything,” and “No, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m completely fine.” They knew you were anything but fine; however, they also knew that you needed to be alone right now.

So here you are, sitting alone in the cold with your only companions being the vodka bottle you brought with you and the relentless wind hitting your skin. “Happy fucking 21st birthday to me, I guess,” you muttered to yourself, staring out at the sea.

“Oh my god, Lisa. You truly outdid yourself,” complimented Alex, her friend. And it was true. The event was filled with beautiful flowers and lights, giving the room a fairy-like appearance. The soft glow of the lights reflected off the petals, creating a magical ambiance that made everyone feel like they had stepped into an enchanted garden. Charles, who stood next to his girlfriend, only brought her closer to him and said, “Yeah, I have to agree. I’m 100% sure YN would have loved it.” “You are so right, love. I wish she was here with us,” agreed Alex, her voice tinged with a hint of sadness.

“Wait, I’m confused. So there is nothing wrong between you guys and YN?” asked Lisa, her brow furrowed in confusion. Alex and Charles shared a look with each other, both of them equally puzzled. “No, why would there be anything wrong with us?” Alex replied, her tone defensive. “Oh, I just thought you had a fight and this is the reason why you are here and not with YN today. But I must have been wrong…” Linda’s voice trailed off, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. She shared a look with her partner Mary, both of them realizing the gravity of the situation.

“Wait, stop. Pause. Why would we be with YN tonight? You invited us to your event and we are here. I don’t get what’s going on right now,” said Alex, her frustration mounting. It felt like Mary and Lisa knew something she and Charles didn’t. Mary, who was now also becoming more annoyed with how the two of them acted before them, didn’t take any nonsense from Alex.

Without hesitation, she looked straight into Alex’s eyes and told her with an ice-cold voice, “Well, we weren’t expecting you to show up today because we thought that you would be busy celebrating YN’s 21 birthday today. But from the looks of it, it seems like you forgot your own girlfriend’s birthday. So don’t talk to us with that rude tone of yours. At least we remember each other’s birthdays.” With that, Mary took Lisa by the hand and left, leaving Alex and Charles standing there in stunned silence.

Alex and Charles were left behind, both staring at the space where the couple used to be a few seconds ago. Both of them felt a wave of guilt and shame wash over them. How could they forget their own girlfriend’s birthday? Turning on their phones, they saw the flood of messages they had received from not only their fans but also their friends, YN’s friends, and their families. Each message was a painful reminder of their oversight.

“We messed up so badly,” muttered Charles, looking at Alex with a pained expression. The woman could only nod, still speechless. Charles took her arm and gently but firmly led her out of the room. “We have to go to her. ASAP,” Alex told Charles, who was already a step ahead of her and had their jackets in hand. With that, the couple left the event, both feeling a deep sense of remorse. How could they forget their girl’s birthday?

As they hurried to their car, Alex’s mind raced with thoughts of how to make it up to YN. She knew it would take more than just an apology to mend the hurt they had caused. Charles, too, was lost in his thoughts, thinking of ways to show YN how much she meant to them. They both knew that they had a lot of making up to do, but they were determined to do whatever it took to make things right.

At around 1 am, the couple finally arrived home. The ride back had been silent, the air in the car feeling oppressively thick, making it hard to breathe. They parked their car in the garage and, without hesitation, jumped out of the vehicle, racing towards the elevator. The few minutes it took to reach their front door felt like an eternity, each second stretching painfully.

When they entered the apartment, everything was shrouded in darkness. A figure sat on the balcony, barely visible in the dim light. Charles immediately sat next to YN, while Alex kneeled in front of her. YN didn’t even look at them before taking a gulp from the nearly empty bottle of vodka. “Hey love, I think you’ve had enough for tonight,” whispered Charles, gently trying to take the bottle away from the now 21-year-old girl.

YN shook her head, her voice trembling as she reminded them, “No. NO, you do not get to tell me what I can and cannot do. Not after you forgot about me.” “Baby, we didn’t forget about you,” Alex tried, her eyes already filling with tears. YN only laughed, her own tears streaming down her face. “No, Alexandra. You do not get to tell me that after you forgot my birthday, and you certainly don’t get to cry.” “Ok, let’s all calm down,” Charles attempted again, his voice soothing but firm.

“No Charles! I don’t want to calm down. You both forgot about me. You two promised me that something like this would never happen to us. You promised me that you would always love me. You promised me that the age gap didn’t bother you when we started dating when I was 19. But look at us. You already broke one of your promises. How can I be sure that you won’t break another one?” With that, YN broke down in tears. Her whole body shook with the force of her sobs, her head held in her hands.

Charles and Alex immediately moved to comfort her. “YN, breath. We are so freaking sorry. I guarantee you, we didn’t mean for something like this to happen. We were all so busy with our jobs and social lives that we didn’t mean to forget something so important,” Charles began, his voice filled with regret.

Alex took YN’s head into her hands, gently wiping away her tears. “We love you more than anything in this world. You are our air and our heart. And we will apologize for the rest of our lives if we have to,” she said, her voice breaking with emotion. YN only whispered, “I love you guys too.” Alex didn't hesitate before kissing her girlfriend. after a moment the they pulled apart.

Charles turned her face towards him, speaking softly, “And we didn’t lie when we told you the age gap didn’t bother us. And we certainly didn’t lie when we promised you that we would always love you, ok?” After YN nodded, Letting Charles also kiss her. This kiss was filled with as much love as Alex, just a bit more urgently but still gentle. After their kiss, the three of them cuddled close to each other, finding solace in their shared warmth.

It would take some time before everything was alright between the three of them again. But for now, sitting together and watching the city lights flicker in the distance was the perfect way to start healing.

[dailynnt]

FRIENDS WITHIN TOUCHING DISTANCE

⊹ Summary: Jungkook and you, his childhood friend, live together in an apartment, sharing space as roommates. Your relationship, built on years of friendship, is gradually becoming strained by growing sexual tension. You decide to become friends with benefits, trying not to complicate your feelings. But Jungkook's world is not so simple. When you begin to realize that he is hiding something, you open the veil of his double life - a world of mafia, criminal activity, and risk that could ruin not only your deal, but everything you valued in each other.

⊹ Couple: Jeon Jungkook/ Fem!Reader

⊹ Characters: The Reader, Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Min Yoongi, Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Jeon Hoseok.

⊹ 🔞 Age restrictions: 18+

⊹ 👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻 Relationships: ⚤

⊹📕 Number of part: 19/?

⊹ 🖇️ Tags: best friends, friends with benefits, slow longing, sexual tension, protected sex, unprotected sex, alcohol, drunken sex, inexperienced main character, mafia au, illegal trade, deaths of minor characters, weapons, swear words. Tags will be added as the story is written.

⊹ 👩🏼‍💻 From the author: It seems that Jungkook and Y/N already realize how they feel about each other. Tensions arise between them because of Doohoon's actions. How can they cope with what is happening? Thank you very much to everyone who reads 💜

⊹ 🫂Dedication: For you, my love @myjungkookthighs. You know that I appreciate you very much and love you🥰💜

⊹ ⚠️ Warning: English is not my native language, so there may be mistakes in the text. Please don't get mad at me too much! Those under 18, please don't read this story!

⊹ 📋Tag list: @myjungkookthighs, @notsevenwithyou (If anyone wants to be in my tag list let me know)

≣ Chapter Index ↓

Part 11. Not your girlfriend. Not your boyfriend.

Another week passed. Jungkook was coming home less and less. He was literally gone for days at a time. He was so engrossed in his work that he even called you only once a day. Sometimes twice, but these conversations were just a few questions and a few answers.

In a week it will be Christmas. And you haven't talked to him about how to plan the celebration. Does he agree to go to Suwon or maybe you together can go to a party at his friends' place. He's not going to work on Christmas Day like he has for the last two weeks, is he?

You don't know why he's working so hard. Maybe it's really a lot of work, but is it that so important that he doesn't come home for several days?

Jungkook's absence was making you irritated. The fact that you couldn't talk to him on the phone made you even more irritated. You could have gone to see him if you knew where he worked. It was also annoying that he would call just to ask if you were okay, and ask you what you were doing almost every minute. That's it. That's all he cares about.

He reassured you by telling you that Doohoon wasn't following you. But you didn't believe Jungkook. How can he explain what he knows about your life together? And his constant interrogation about what you did, who you were with, what you were doing seems like an exaggeration. He's even careful tell you where you need to go alone and where it's better to be in a company. It's annoying.

On Saturday night, when Jungkook was away for the second day, you decided to call him to find out when he was going to come home and if he had any plans to come home at all. There was no food at home. You were not inspired to cook and you were going to go to the store to buy dinner. Before you do this, you ask your friend what he would like to have for dinner.

"Hi." - You greeted him first when you heard him pick up the phone.

"Hi, baby." - Jungkook said in a tired but gentle voice.

"Will you be home tonight?" - You asked almost emotionlessly. You were angry with Jungkook. And there were many reasons why.

"Umm..." - Jungkook thought. "Yeah. I'm going home now." - He finally answered.

"I'm going to go to the store. I don't want to make dinner. What would you like?" - You continued to speak colorlessly.

"I'll be back in twenty minutes. We can go out for dinner together. Do you want to go to Kyochon Chiken? We were going to go there." - Jungkook suggested. You felt happy for a moment, but then you got angry. It hadn't been two weeks since he remembered.

"I don't want to go. I'll eat at home." - You refusing. You don't want to go anywhere with him. He disappears for days. He doesn't communicate normally and now he's decided that as soon as he offers you something, immediately run to him. No. That's not gonna happen.

"Why?" - Jungkook was surprised. You could have told him the reason directly, but you decided to make excuses at the expense of critical days.

"I have pain in my lower belly. I'm also not in the mood. I'll go to the convenience store near our house and get something to eat. You didn't say what you wanted." - You answered irritably.

"Your lower belly hurts? Are you having your period?" - Jungkook asked with concern.

"Yes." - You said shortly.

"Then don't go outside. It's cold and dark out there. Do you want me to go buy something, or do you want to order delivery?" - Jungkook suggested. You exhaled a sigh. It sounded so good, but you protested inside. You didn't want to do what he wanted.

"I'm already dressed and I'm going downstairs, so I'll go by myself. For the last time, what are you having for dinner?" - You said. In fact, you were still sitting on the couch, but you had to answer in such a way that it wouldn't be like Jungkook wanted.

"You're a stubborn girl. You need to be punished." - Jungkook said playfully. You wanted to switch off. His flirtatious voice was annoying.

"I see. Bye." - You hung up without waiting for him to answer. Irritably, you dressed, cursing the jacket that for some reason fit you terribly today and the hat that had disappeared somewhere. You pulled the hood over your head and went to the store.

It was really cold and dark outside, despite the streetlights. It was snowing quietly, and it fell silently under your feet, but as soon as you stepped on it, it made a noise. You wrapped yourself up tightly in the jacket and walked quickly, towards the store, trying to get it over with as soon as possible.

To calm your nerves with something tasty, you bought a whole bag of groceries. A kampab, two bento boxes (ready-made sets with rice, fried chicken and side dishes), three sandwiches with egg, ham and cheese. You also bought your favorite chips with butter and honey, cheese sticks that Jungkook loved, a carton of banana milk, choco pai, and chocolate brownies. All of this was supposed to cheer you up in your downcast mood.

You returned home quickly, because you never liked to go shopping for a long time. Whatever caught your eye in the store immediately ended up in your shopping cart.

Jungkook was already home. You saw his shoes and the jacket he wore the last time he was home. The water was running in the bathroom. Your heart was beating fast, but you didn't quite know if it was because you were annoyed or because you were going to see your best friend after so many days.

You took the packages to the kitchen and began to take them apart. Jungkook came out of the shower and saw you and immediately walked in your direction. With your peripheral vision, you saw his figure approaching. He was dressed in wide-leg sweatpants and a large black T-shirt.

Jungkook came up to you and hugged you from behind. You continued to put out the groceries without paying attention to him. He buried his face in your forearm and held it.

"Let me go. I want to heat up dinner." - She said coldly, finishing with the groceries.

"I missed you." - Jungkook says and his voice vibrates on your skin. Jungkook's hugs are always pleasant and welcome. However, you are hurt and don't want him to touch you at all. You put a little strength in your arms and pull out of his embrace. Jungkook watched you in surprise. He had guessed on the phone that you were angry with him. He seems to know the reason why, too.

You put two servings of bento boxes in the microwave while slicing kimpab. You notice that Jungkook is as silent as you are. He walked over to the table where you were preparing dinner and looked at your face.

"Why are you offended?" - He asked with a soft smile. You ignored your friend. He looked down to follow your movements and then looked back up at you. "Baby, you have to tell. In order for everything to be good between us, you must speak." - Jungkook insisted.

"I'm taking an example from you. Is it nice, right , when you ask something and be ignored?" - You answer indifferently. But your heart is pounding. You are holding back your emotions, which threaten to burst out of you at any moment.

"I never ignore you." - Jungkook says in his defense. "Just tell me what I did wrong and I'll explain it to you."

"You're all doing wrong." - You say. Jungkook exhales nervously. The same words again.

"What does that mean, Y/N? What am I not doing?" - Jungkook asks, trying not to lose his temper. You're not saying anything. After slicing the kimbap, you take it to the table. For a moment, the memory of the last time you had sex with Jungkook pops into your head. Because he was right at this table. You were lying on it naked and Jungkook fucked you so well. You quickly shove these thoughts away and turn to the microwave to pick up the food.

Jungkook is silently watching you do this and it's starting to piss him off. He has a lot of trouble at work, and he doesn't want to make any trouble with you too.

"Honey, let's talk normally. I don't want to fight..." - Jungkook asks you, but you abruptly stop halfway to the table with chopsticks in hand.

"I'm not going to fight with you!" - You say sharply. "I'm just annoyed that you don't tell me anything. You've been gone for week. Now you're following me instead of Doohoon. What the hell is going on? Why don't you ever tell me anything? I ask you a thousand questions and you don't answer any of them." - You say quickly and indignantly. Jungkook looks at you, thinking about what you said.

So he really doesn't tell you anything, ignores the questions you ask, and doesn't come home. Because you're not supposed to know what's going on. Doohoon is pesters a lot to him, and this causes problems at work for Jungkook. He solves them without Namjoon knowing where they came from. He's really watching you, and it's not just the daily interrogation on the phone, but his people are doing everything to keep you safe. You're not supposed to know that either.

He ignores your questions to save you from unnecessary anxiety. He does everything in his power, but then he comes home and meets you. Hurt and angry with him. This all puts pressure on Jungkook.

"Okay. What exactly do you want to know?" - Jungkook exhales. He tries to answer your questions to calm you down.

"Tell me the truth. Did Doohoon follow us?" - You ask, afraid to know the truth.

"He's not anymore." - Jungkook answers. You feel irritated. It was expected, but he was hiding it.

"So he was watching and you didn't say anything. Why?" - You ask.

"Because I didn't want you to be nervous about it. I told you that I would take care of everything. And I did. You don't have to think about it." - Jungkook replies. You look at him and feel the anger boiling inside.

"I'm not a fucking kid who can't handle it. I'm an adult and I can take care of myself. I know taekwondo. So even the fact that this asshole is following me doesn't make me afraid of him." - You say sharply. Jungkook nods his head, agreeing with you. Yes, you know how to protect yourself. But Doohoon is much more dangerous than you can imagine. He's not the man you used to know.

"I know you're not a child. But I could see that it scared you. I just wanted you not to worry about it." - Jungkook explains.

"You're not my daddy to think about such things." - You say angrily. Jungkook is annoyed that you're acting so arrogant.

"Don't be like that. Doohoon is a rare piece of shit. He just showed up out of the blue and woo to you. He can hurt you. I'm supposed to just sit back and watch?" - Jungkook can't take it anymore. You freeze, because you were just about to sit down at the table.

"Are you jealous? I'm not your girlfriend, so you don't have to nervous about Doohoon. I wouldn't accept his advances anyway, and you know it. But hurt me? He's a shit, yes, but he would never hurt me." - You say as you sit down at the table and don't see Jungkook almost freak out at your words.

"Y/N!" - Jungkook calls out to you, menacingly. "Don't say those words to me. Doohoon is dangerous and I know it. You're important to me and I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Yeah." - You say mockingly. You're amused by the fact that Jungkook is jealous you to Doohoon. "You can defend me, please. But you don't have the right to hide things from me. If there's a matter that concerns me, you have to tell me. I'm telling you again, you're not my boyfriend or my daddy to decide for me what I should know and what I shouldn't." - You start eating without waiting for Jungkook. His portion is standing next to you, getting cold. Jungkook stands somewhere behind you in absolute silence. The only sound is you tapping your chopsticks.

"So, since I'm not your boyfriend and definitely not your daddy, I guess I need to stay out of your business. You're a big girl, you can handle it yourself." - Jungkook says with resentment in her voice.

"Yes." - You say nonchalantly, not even turning to him. "You shouldn't control where I am and who I'm with. Not tell me where to go and when to stay home. I've noticed how you've been doing that lately. Just because you fuck me doesn't mean you're in charge of me." - Jungkook freezes at your words. So you don't need his concern. That's what you think about all of this. He turns around and walks out. You follow him with your eyes. Jungkook takes his jacket off the hanger and gets dressed. You feel yourself pounding inside. Is he going to leave?

"Where are you going?" - You ask as you stand up from the table and watch him put on his sneakers. He doesn't say anything and you laugh hysterically. Is he offended? Is he really offended? You are the one who is offended. Maybe you were a little harsh, but you had to defend your boundaries.

"Jungkook..." - You call out to him, but he doesn't seem to hear you. Finally, he picks up his phone and the keys that were on the front table and slams the door with a loud bang. You are stunned.

You cannot sleep. Five hours have passed since Jungkook left. You lie in bed for almost two hours, trying to sleep, but you can't. Jungkook is gone and you don't know if he will come back.

You can't write to him because you are angry that he ran away. You want to write because you're worried about where he might be, but you probably won't. He could have go to Jimin or Taehyung. Or go to work. There are many places he could have gone.

At some point, you start to think that you were too harsh in your statements. On the one hand, you sounded like a real bitch. But you think you were right. On the other hand, you can understand Jungkook. He has always cared about you. And his actions are completely logical.

But you're annoyed that it's more like taking care of a child than taking care of your condition. You're an adult now and can handle such news. Like "someone is watching". It's not pleasant, it scares you a little, but it's not the end of the world, which you would not survive.

You are already silent about the fact that he has been gone for days. You miss him. Fucking critical days, they made you such a bitch and are to blame for your hysteria.

An hour passes by. And almost as you're falling asleep, you hear the sound of the combination lock. You lie there, hesitating whether to go out to him. Less than a minute later, you hear something falling. You immediately get out of bed and go to the living room.

Jungkook is standing at the front door, holding up his phone. You look at him and notice that he's leaning on the walls, trying to stand up. He's drunk.

Seriously drunk? Did he get drunk after a fight? Or did he just get drunk because he wanted to? You didn't know for sure.

Jungkook noticed you looking at him. His gaze was tired, his eyes slightly closed. His cheeks were a little red, either from the cold outside or from the alcohol. Perhaps two options are correct. His jacket was unbuttoned. He smiled slightly when he saw you, but it wasn't a sweet, playful Jungkook smile. It was sarcastic and hard.

"Are you drunk?" - You asked, although you wanted to state a fact.

"Do I look sober?" - Jungkook answered with a question to a question. You felt irritated. He took off his jacket, took off his sneakers and staggered away walked toward the couch, passing you. He didn't even look at you.

"I didn't realize you were so impressionable." - You say ironically, turning in Jungkook's direction and approaching the couch. "Do you think it's okay to run away, get drunk, and come back like this?"

"None of your faking business." - Jungkook says with a smile. He speaks lazily with an emphasis on the last words. Is he deliberately annoying the hell out of you? "I drink if I want, I run away if I want. You're not my girlfriend or mommy to worry about that." - Jungkook to mimic you. You want to punch him in the face and wipe off that horribly cocky smile. Anger captivates you, making you tremble. But you laughed at the way he used your own words about you.

"I guess. Good, so do what you want." - You say finally, and you're about to leave. But Jungkook grabs your hand and you fall into his lap. He wraps his arms around your hips and holds you tight. You can smell the aroma of alcohol mixed with his perfume. "What are you doing?" - You protest. You wriggle as much as you can, but you can't get free. It must be Jungkook's favorite thing to keep you captive.

"You were a real bitch today." - Jungkook says to you when you give up on his lap. But his words make you even angrier.

"What?" - You ask angrily, turning to face him. Jungkook is close, and you feel butterflies in your stomach at the closeness. You haven't been together for a long time. He smiles defiantly because he sees you peeking at his lips. Jungkook is looking at your lips too, but longer than you. He wants to kiss them. But he's so mad at you for what you said to him.

"Want I fuck you now?" - Your best friend asks you. You're taken aback. You don't understand why he suddenly suggested this. He looks at you with desire and you don't know what to do. It both pisses you off and makes you want to agree on it. But, you are on your critical days and you can't do it anyway.

"You're crazy. Let me go!" - You shout, trying to break free again. Jungkook doesn't loosen his grip.

"Why? We don't care about each other anymore. We can fuck without that, right?" - Jungkook provokes you again by saying that.

"You're an idiot. Why are you twisting everything I said? I meant you should be honest with me when it comes to me. I trust you and you hide everything from me. I could have not told you about Doohoon, but I did. I didn't hide anything! And you! You're out and about, you're not home. I miss you, you idiot, and what do you do? You remember me for two minutes a day. And now you come all caring and tell me you were protecting me?" - You shouted at Jungkook. He listened to you and couldn't help but think about how cute you were when you were angry with him. So attractive and hot. He looks at your face and can't stop thinking that he seems to be falling in love with you.

You stopped screaming and fell silent. You were breathing heavily and trying to compose yourself. You were shaking all over.

"I really have a reason for not telling you. I have always protected you and I will always protect you. I made a promise to your dad..." - You laughed hysterically when you heard about that promise.

It was when you were 18 years old. When Jungkook came to your house to pick you up to celebrate your birthday. Your dad probably realized that Jungkook was a grown man and that you had become an adult too. So he made him promise not to hurt you. That he would take care of you and that no one could hurt you, including him.

"So what..." - You said with irritation.

"You should have understood me." - Jungkook complains. Maybe he's right. But it's really annoying that he didn't tell you anything at all. "Doohoon installed a camera outside our apartment and bugged my phone. That's how he knew we were living together." - Jungkook confesses to you. You thot who wanted to know the truth.

"A camera? Is he a sick fuck?" - You ask, feeling horrified.

"Yes, he is. He thinks I'm his enemy. So he might use you to hurt me. I'm worried that he might actually do that. That's why I'm watching you so closely. Do you understand? When I say he's dangerous, I mean he is." - Jungkook finally finishes. You didn't expect this. You knew Doohoon was crazy, but to install a camera... You relax in Jungkook's arms.

"If you had told me everything right away, this wouldn't have happened." - You say, alluding to the fight that happened twice today. "Where did he set up the camera?" - You are curious to know. Jungkook is silent, definitely not willing to tell you. But your menacing look convinces him.

"On a pole, facing my bedroom window." - Jungkook answers. You feel like everything inside of you is breaking. Oh, my God. You've been having sex in his bedroom. Does he really know about that?

"Jungkook..." - You're stunned. "We had sex there. Did he...?" - You can't say it out loud.

"He knows we're fucking." - Jungkook replies, completely calm. It doesn't seem to bother him. You look at him with your mouth open in horror.

"What do we do now?" - You ask.

"Nothing. What can you do about it? Let he know." - Jungkook answers you with a cheerful voice. You didn't share his joy at all.

"What if he tells someone?" - You are worried.

"Who? He doesn't know my company. Probably I think this information is more beneficial for him to use you as leverage against me. No one who knows me cares who I fuck." - Jungkook says, somewhat nonchalantly. You remain silent, not knowing what to make of this. Maybe nobody cares, but there are your friends. If they somehow find out, what will they think of you two?

Jungkook touches your cheek with his hand. He sees how upset you are about all this. That's why he took care of you. But you are restless.

"And now? Camera none? He's not tapping your phone?" - You are worried.

"No. It's all cleaned up." - Jungkook assures you. You exhale a deep breath. What a day. Crazy. You are silent for a while and Jungkook is the first to break the silence.

"So you missed me." - He suddenly says, remembering what you were screaming. You blinked and turned away. Did you really do that? Did you confess to him when you were under the influence of emotions?

"Did I say that?" - You asked. Jungkook smiled slyly.

"Yes. You said you miss me because I'm not home for days." - He remembered. You didn't know whether to admit it or not. But you had already said it out loud. Is there any point in denying it?

"I don't know. I could have said anything out of anger." - You decided not to confess. Jungkook laughed. You didn't expect him to put you on the couch with one deft movement and push you down from above. He is very close, and you can't bring yourself to stand it. You look at his lips, which you want to kiss so desperately. But your pride can't let you do that.

"So do you want that I to fuck you today?" - Jungkook purrs against your lips. He's waiting for an answer.

"First you have to promise me that you'll always tell me the truth from now on." - You demand, speaking directly into his lips. Jungkook does nothing for a moment. And then he touches your neck with my lips. He's perfectly positioned between your legs. His lips leave wet trails on your neck from your jaw to your chin. Lazy, gentle kisses that make you want more. They're hot and you can smell the alcohol on Jungkook's breath. Which seems to be intoxicating you, too. But you're on your period. You can't have sex tonight. Jungkook kisses your earlobe, biting down lightly. You enjoy his caress.

"I promise to tell you the truth." - Jungkook promises. He pulls away from you to say something. "I'm sorry, baby. It's all my fault." - You hear his words and your heart breaks. You put your hand on his face.

"I'm sorry too for saying mean things to you. I appreciate you and I value your concern." - You say sincerely. "Just be honest and I will always listen to you." - You say.

Jungkook doesn't answer, he takes your hand in his and kisses the middle of your palm. His soft lips kiss your hands and you feel those butterflies for the second time that day. God you can’t fall in love with Jungkook, but he does things with to you. You don't even know if you haven't already done.

After giving your palm a few gentle kisses, he leans down and kisses you on the lips. And it's not a passionate kiss. It's a caring, tender, and almost loving kiss. His tongue tastes of whiskey. You wrap your arms around his neck and respond with no less tenderness. But as soon as your tongues touch, the kisses easily turn passionate. Jungkook can't kiss you any other way because he wants you. He's also missed you on his lips. He needs you, damn it.

Jungkook pushes you a few times, rubbing his already hard length into your pussy. You can't tell if you're wet from his kiss and thrusts. You're on your second day of your period, so maybe it's just blood.

"Let's make up for real." - Jungkook offers with a sly smile as he pulls away from your sweet, plump lips.

"I'm on my period. We can't..." - You say regretfully. You would never turn down sex with Jungkook, but right now you have no choice.

"Why?" - He asks, not worried about it at all. You raise your eyebrows.

"What do you mean? I have blood in there, you know..." - You explain.

"Oh, that's great." - Jungkook says and slides his hand under your shirt. He feels your breasts and squeezes them lightly. You try not to let out a moan. "Cause I can come inside you." - He says right into your lips.

You freeze at his words. You hear your pulse pounding in your ears. Your heart is pounding like crazy. You thought you couldn't have sex during your period. But Jungkook assures you that it is possible. Do you want him to do it? Yes, one hundred percent yes. Jungkook kisses you again with such passion that you already want him harder than you ever wanted.

"Let's go to the bedroom." - You say, agreeing. Jungkook is triumphant. He gets up from the couch and grabs your hand. In one push, you're on your feet, but a moment later he throws you over his shoulder and holds you by the buttocks.

"I could walk on my feet!" - You shout at his ass, which is almost next to your face. But your protests go unanswered.

Jungkook carries you into his bedroom and carefully, as if you weigh nothing, lifts you off his shoulder. He puts you on the bed and climbs on top of you. He kisses you on the lips, filling your mouth with his tongue. Your kiss is greedy, deep, hot. Your friend goes down to kiss your neck. He kisses you needily and at some point bites you to taste your skin. You get high on his actions. This man is just your drug.

Jungkook takes off his T-shirt and sweatpants. He keeps his Calvin Klein boxers on until to undress you. You think that his sheets will be stained with blood and not only that. But with how Jungkook quickly undresses you, seems he doesn't care.

You are naked in front of Jungkook in just half a minute. He looks at you and he like it’s so much see your naked appearance. Your nipples are erect and they needed him to kiss them.

He goes down to your breasts and takes one of the nipple into his mouth. He sucks on it, swirls his tongue around it as if to taste it. A moment later, when he releases the nipple, he bites it. You grab the sheets to numb the pain. You feel more pleasure than pain. You wish Jungkook would fuck you as soon as possible. The other nipple gets the same attention, but Jungkook doesn't bite it.

"Come on, Kook... come inside me." - You beg as he kisses you between your breasts and lowers you to your stomach. He would like to taste you, but not this time.

His rigid length also wants to be free of tightness. So he listens to you without question and is already taking off his underwear.

You see Jungkook's cock bounce as he crawls toward you. It's erect. Cum is dripping from the end of it. You're impatient. You want him to fill you as soon as possible. Jungkook doesn't stretch you like he usually does. He immediately puts his erect cock at your entrance. He promises to enter slowly so you won't feel any pain.

When Jungkook plunges into your centimeter by centimeter, you won't feel any pain. Maybe it's because of a strong desire, or because of your period, or that he is very careful. Even though he didn't stretch you, it was the first time you felt him enter you painlessly. You are ecstatic.

You moan at the feeling of his cock filling you to the brim. When Jungkook is completely inside you, you feel him twitching inside you. The sensations are crazy.

Jungkook moves after you're both used to it. Your eyes are closed in delight and incredible pleasure. He fucks you deeply and slowly, giving you completely different sensations. Every time you feel like you're going absolutely unhinged. But all the other times just can't compare. Jungkook moans over you, too.

You clutch the sheets in your hand again because you can't stand this bliss. Jungkook finds your hands and raises them above your head. He intertwines your hands and you dig your nails into his palms. You moan because it feels so damn good.

"Open your eyes." - He asks in a hoarse voice. You hear his request and open them. You look at each other with adoration. Jungkook's eyes are full of lust. You will never forget that look. Jungkook kisses you deeply, pushing his cock inside you.

His thrusts are just as slow and deep. You are going obsessed from this sex. You moan into Jungkook's mouth and he starts moving faster. He stops kissing you. You don't close your eyes and neither does he. You look at each other again.

"Mine." - He tells you again. "Only mine." - You think you're going lost your head. These words during sex like this will drive you crazy. You realize that you are really his. And you just can't be with anyone else but him. You want to be his. You want to belong to him completely and finally.

"Yours." - You breathe out. He kisses you again. You're drunk on his whiskey-flavored kisses, or you're drunk on feelings. Jungkook speeds up his movements, moaning along with you. You feel that your orgasm is close. Your walls tighten around Jungkook's cock and you cry out his name.

Jungkook cums after you, fucking you until his cum fills you. It's hot and spills inside you. His cock twitches and after a few seconds, it softens. Jungkook falls down on top of you, exhausted. You feel his hot breath on your shoulder.

You together lie there for a few minutes, trying to catch your breath.

Jungkook gets up and kisses you on the lips. Gently, tasting each of your lips. He finally pulls away and smiles.

"You're gorgeous, baby." - Jungkook compliments you. But he did all the work.

"You're amazing." - You tell him. He nibbles on your lips and stands up. He slowly pulls out of you and you feel the blood mixed with Jungkook's cum dripping onto your legs and the sheets.

"You and I have made a mess." - Jungkook says as he gets out of bed. You sit up straight and see the blood. It doesn't surprise you, you both knew this would happen.

"Making the bed at two in the morning again." - You groan in frustration.

"It's almost three." - Jungkook corrects you. You turn a disappointed look at him and he laughs. "Go take a shower, baby. I'll clean it up." - He promises. You can't help but smile. You also get out of bed and walk over to Jungkook to give him a grateful kiss. You kiss him, reaching for his height. When you run out of air, you part your lips.

"Baby, is it okay that I'm drunk?" - Jungkook asks, worried.

"I think I'm drunk too from your tongue. Therefore, if we are both drunk, everything is fine." - You're joking. Jungkook smiles.

You go to the shower and think about nothing but what Jungkook said. "Mine." The way he said it affects you so much. It’s impossible. Have you really fallen in love with your best friend?

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[that-sarcastic-writer]

Terms and Conditions

Russell Shaw X F!Doctor!Reader

Summary: when your sister's fiance goes missing, you call Colter for help, and he brings along his rugged, but handsome and charming older brother, Russell.

Warnings: mature content, eventual smut so minors dni (always), no use of y/n, this part only contains cursing. I've never written anything so tame (it's okay next part won't be)

WC: 3.6k

A/N: so I finished tracker, yay and Russell owns my thoughts rn so here we are. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this. I'm not great at writing series, but this idea called for development I can't do in a one-shot. I started this right after finishing tracker last week and I finally had time to proof read it. I also had a hard time with Russell's characterization, mans been in only one episode, so if i didnt portay him perfectly sorry i tried. Happy readings.

I don't do tag lists, if you'd like keep up with upcoming parts follow @midnightreadinglibrary and turn on notifications (I only reblog my written works on there)

You have encountered a lot of grief and sorrow in your life. Pain, you were familiar with it. And you could safely say that one of the worst was heartbreak. You were all too familiar with that one. And right now, your baby sister was experiencing it, too.

“Rosie?” You called into your apartment as you kicked your shoes off and tossed your keys like they had offended you. With a heavy sigh, tired from a long and stressful day at the hospital, you dragged your sore feet through your apartment. 

The living room was empty, TV off. The kitchen was dark with the lights off. You frowned, calling your sister’s name, louder again. Couple seconds went by. Silence. You padded down the hall to the guest room. You could hear faint indistinct sounds. The closer you got to the guest room the clearer the sound became. It sounded like crying.

“Rosalie?” Your voice grew louder with concern as you opened the door to the bedroom, and there you saw your sweet baby sister, sobbing into her pillow. Your heart immediately sank and you rushed to her side. “Oh honey, it’s okay.”

You sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into a hug. She held you tight as she cried. It broke your heart to see her like this.

“It’s not okay! He’s been gone for over a week!” She sobbed. You squeezed her shoulders as she sat up and sniffled. “Our wedding is in three months! Why hasn't he come back?”

You stared into her eyes, the same color as your own and you sighed, only being able to give her a look of sympathy in return. You didn’t want to tell her what you thought.

“I dunno.. I mean.. What if he just.. You know?” The look on your face said everything you couldn’t with words, and Rosie looked like she wanted to cry even more.

“He didn’t bail. He wouldn’t… I know him. He's missing, why won’t anyone believe me?” She raised her voice, almost choking on a sob, and you immediately felt so horrible for even suggesting such a thing. 

“No, hey, I’m sorry for saying that, I do believe you. Have you heard anything from the cops?” She shook her head and you sighed heavily. 

“I can’t keep waiting, what if he got hurt? What if someone hurt him? Please, I need to do something.” She begged you, eyes filled with tears, you had never seen your sister so sad, so hopeless. She was always the more bubbly, optimistic and lively out of the two of you. But ever since her fiance went missing, you didn’t see that spark anymore. It broke your heart.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. I think I know someone who can help, alright? We’ll find him.” 

~~~~~~~

“Hey Doc, to what do I owe this call? It’s been like what, three years?” 

You sighed softly at the voice on the other line. You didn’t exactly want to resort to this, but you didn’t know what else to do, but you had the money, your sister didn’t exactly have a lot to spare with her wedding planning, and all.

“I need a favor, Colter. Well, not exactly a favor, I’ll pay but, I need help asap.” You rubbed the side of your throbbing temple, you heard him hum, telling you to go on. “My sister’s fiance went missing last week. They’re supposed to get married in three months, and the poor thing is a wreck.”

Colter sighed. “A runaway groom? You know what that sounds like, right?”

“Yes, I know. But I know this guy, he’s a decent guy, and I know he loves my sister, he wouldn’t just leave her like this.” You tried to explain, Colter sighed again. “Listen, the guy was in the Army, he’s a Navy SEAL now, went overseas a lot, and my sister told me he’s been acting weird since his last assignment. Just humor me, please? I can’t see her like this.”

Colter stayed silent for a long minute, you honestly thought he had hung up, but you ultimately heard him take a deep breath before responding. “Fine, send me his details, I should get there by morning if I head out now.” 

“Thank you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Chaos, chaos and more chaos.

You just wanted five minutes to breathe. You sat down, for the first time in hours today and took in a deep breath. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Rosie, almost zombie-like as she walked through the emergency department  You called out to her.

“Hey, did you get some sleep?” You asked her with worried eyes. She shrugged. “Listen, I called an old friend, he helps find people. Maybe he can find James, ‘cause the cops clearly aren’t going to.” You saw the smallest smile, and the smallest bit of hope light of her eyes.

“Really? What, is he like a PI or something?” She tilted her head at you, seemingly just as exhausted as you were.

“I mean..” You hesitated, unsure on how to explain Colter’s job to her. “I guess? He collects reward money. When someone goes missing and a reward is offered, he finds people for that reward.”

“But I didn’t offer any reward. I can’t even afford to buy a pair of shoes right now.. On my shitty nurse salary. I’ve already spent so much of my savings on planning the wedding. And these student loans are killing me. I can’t pay him.” She started to ramble in panic, motioning her hands around. You stood up and grabbed her hands.

“It’s fine. I got it covered. Take it as your early wedding gift?” You flashed her a toothy smile, hoping to humor her at least a little. She looked at you with apprehension. “Not a word, okay? I want him to come home to you, I don’t mind spending some money if it means you can be happy.”

She could have the happiness you never could.

Rosie’s eyes filled with tears and you thought she was going to burst into tears in the middle of the emergency department, but instead she hugged you, and she hugged you so fucking hard you thought she broke one of your ribs. You laughed softly and patted her head reassuringly. You were about to say something to her but you heard your name being called. You turned around and saw one of the rotation nurses.

“You have visitors at the front desk.” She told you. You scrunched up your face in confusion.

“Who? I wasn't expecting anyone.”

“Don’t know. The front desk just said two guys asked for you directly.”

Oh. Colter. But who was the other guy?

‘Alright, thanks.” You nodded at her. You then looked at Rosie with a warm reassuring smile and you held her hands in yours. “We’re gonna find James, I know it. I’ll let you know when my friend wants to meet with you, he normally likes to talk with the missing person’s closest relative. Try to focus on work alright?” 

You left her with that, hoping she would trust you. And you hoped you could trust Colter. With a heavy sigh you walked to the front desk of the emergency department. And there you saw Colter, hands in his pockets as he talked with another man you didn’t recognize. With a bit of skepticism, you approached both men, letting your presence be known with a clear of your throat. They both turned to look at you, Colter with a warm welcoming smile, but the other guy, who was arguably the hottest man you had ever seen in your life—not that it was relevant—looked at you like a deer in headlights, like starstruck.

“Hey Colter,” you gave him a cordial smile, then you looked at his slightly shorter companion, though both men were still a good head taller than you. “And Colter’s friend. Didn’t know you had a partner.”

“I don’t. This is—”

“Russell. Colter’s more handsome and charming older brother.” Russell interrupted, extending a hand to you. You looked at Colter, who looked less than impressed and you couldn’t help but snort a bit.

“I see the flirty nature is a family thing then?” You took Russell’s hand with a small laugh but you quickly swallowed when you felt the warmness of his large hand as it engulfed your smaller one. You weren’t really laughing then. You made eye contact with Russell, you had never seen a pair of prettier eyes, a breathtaking shade of green, and an intensity that was equally breathtaking. It didn’t help that he was smiling at you, too. 

You cleared your throat and took your hand back, choosing to look at Colter instead, “So uh, what’s the plan?”

“Right, well, first things first, I need more details about this James, think you could take an early lunch? I would also need to talk to your sister as soon as possible.” 

You chewed on your bottom lip, catching a glimpse of your watch before ultimately nodding, “Yeah, just give me an hour. We can meet at this cafe nearby, I’ll send you the address. You can meet with my sister after her shift. She’s been staying with me.”

They looked at each other for a second, shrugged then nodded at you. These two were definitely brothers. 

~~~~~~~~

You were frantic as you pulled into the cafe, running late after a code blue that took up almost the whole hour to get under control. You were sure that you looked like a mess, still in your scrubs, pieces of hair falling out of your bun as you entered the cafe. You were almost embarrassed that Russell was going to see you like this, you didn’t care too much about Colter, though. When you entered you saw them sitting at a booth, two cups of coffee sitting on the table but no food. You felt a bit bad. Colter noticed you and waved you over, making Russell turn his head to look at you. And somehow he didn’t seem to care about how wild you looked. 

“I’m so sorry. I had a code blue. I hope I didn’t waste your guy’s time.” You said almost frantic, barely able to catch your breath. You unconsciously sat next to Russell, who seemed quite happy about that.

“Nonsense. We were actually waiting for you to order, right Colt?” Russell reassured, and when you turned your head to look at him he was smiling at you, a toothy smile that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle a tiny bit, it was kind of cute, actually. 

“Yep. Russell insisted we waited. Even though we haven't eaten anything in over six hours.” Colter sighed sipping on his coffee. 

“Well at least one of you has manners.” You narrowed your eyes at Colter, and you heard Russell rumble a laugh.

“Y’know what? Let’s just focus on the case, okay?” You held back a laugh and simply nodded, trying to ignore the intoxicating scent of Russell beside you, a mixture of bourbon and sandalwood. 

Colter asked you a million questions, ones you had answers to, and others didn’t, which was probably best if he talked to your sister, too. Your food also arrived quickly, which you were thankful for since you hadn’t had anything other than the Keurig coffee from the doctors lounge. 

“So, you said James was in the army?” You nodded as you munched on a fry. “And is Navy SEAL now?” 

“Yeah, he went overseas every month or so. But after his last assignment a few weeks ago he told my sister about getting out.” You answered as you bit into your cheeseburger. You didn’t often like to indulge in greasy heavy foods, but you were beyond stressed from both work and your sister, so you needed some joy in your life.

“He wanted out? Why?” Russell asked beside you. You shrugged.

“I don’t know. One thing or another about being tired of being on the battlefield, wanting to be home more. Or that’s what Rosie told me.” You answered as you munched on your burger. You thought for a few seconds before speaking again. “But if you ask me, I think something went wrong in his last assignment. Rosie said he didn’t speak to her for a whole day after coming home, and that he was constantly on edge and irritable for weeks leading up to his disappearance.” 

“Maybe. Might be worth looking into.” Colter shrugged as he took a bit out of his sandwich. “You think we’d be able to look into his assignments overseas?” He asked Russell.

“Doubt it. If they’re classified, which most likely they are, they’d either have little to no paper trail, or they would be heavily secured.” Russell said with a mouthful of fries, which Colter clearly disapproved of. But Russell paid no mind to it, his attention was all on you.

“How do you know?” You asked Russell with genuine curiosity. He half grinned a bit.

“I used to be in the Army too. Spec ops. That's why Colter brought me along.” Russell explained, and you almost wanted to sigh out loud. “So I know damn well how secretive some of those overseas assignments can be. Most are black-ops and off the books. It’d be hard to find the files.” 

So much for tall, rugged and handsome. Guess you’re going to have to look from afar.

‘Well fuck. That sounds lovely.” You mumbled into your burger, annoyed and frustrated. Russell actually laughed this time.

“You know that burger isn’t gonna run away, right?” He chuckled at the way you were so aggressively stuffing your face. Colter narrowed his eyes at his older brother and kicked him under the table. “Okay, ow.” 

“Mind your business? Also, you have no room to talk dude.” You scoffed, eyeing his sriracha covered fries with disgust. “That’s actually fucking criminal.”

“Well, this one has a mouth on her. And here I was trying to be a gentleman.” He chuckled, playful grin on his face as he shoved a particularly heavily sriracha-covered fry in his mouth while you watched. “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, sweetheart.” 

You stared at him with an indescribable feeling. You didn’t remember the last time a man had this much of an effect on you. Sure, in your mind it didn’t do him any favors that he used to be in the military, but you’d gladly break your own rule for just a little taste of him. He was a little rugged, sure, but he was undeniably handsome and carried himself with an alluring sense of self confidence. And the way he smiled at you, God, it made you feel like a schoolgirl, warm and tingly. You didn’t remember the last time a man looked at you like that, either.

“Can we focus here?” Colter, the ever present voice of reason. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Who woulda thought, you look even more beautiful without the scrubs.” Those were the first words out of Russell’s mouth when you opened the door. You had told them to stop by in the evening after Rosie’s shift so they could talk to her. 

“Russell,” Colter sighed, looking at his brother with annoyance but Russell simply smiled, unapologetically proud of himself. They both looked at you, you were trying so hard not to smile right now. “Alright, is Rosie home?”

“Yeah, she’s in the living room. Come in.” You shook your head softly as you allowed both brothers into your apartment. 

You led them to the living room, you caught Russell looking around with curiosity. Maybe he was trying to figure you out, figure out how to get on your good side. But he otherwise didn’t say anything. 

“Rosie, the guys I told you about are here.” You called out to her and she immediately shot up to her feet and rushed to your side. You looked at her, poor thing looked like she had been crying again. “This is Colter, the tracker, and that’s his brother, Russell. They’re going to help us, okay? Colter just needs to ask you a few questions about James.”

Rosie was nodding profusely, “Anything, I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Just help me find him? Please?” 

Colter led her to the couch, perhaps she’d feel safer if she was comfortable. You didn’t want to intrude, you probably weren’t needed right at this time, anyway.

“I’m going to get you guys something to drink.” You announced, wanting to give them some privacy. 

“I’ll help.” Russell piped up and you looked at him with curiosity, he simply smiled at you. You didn’t bother to question him.

You went into the kitchen, Russell was close behind you. You could feel his intense gaze burn into the back of your head as you rummaged through your fridge. You tried to ignore it.

“Beer?” You asked, glancing over your shoulder at him. 

“Sure.” 

You grabbed three beers from the fridge and Rosie’s iced tea. You handed Russell his beer before moving around your kitchen to grab a glass cup from the cupboard. You poured the iced tea into the cup before turning around to find Russell still looking at you, with wonder, and maybe something else you couldn’t quite decipher. 

“So what’s your deal?” He asked you as he sipped his beer. You tilted your head at him and furrowed your eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, yeah you’re clearly a kick-ass doctor, and a caring sister but, what else is there? I don’t see any pets, surely no kids, no pictures on the walls, minimal decor, hopefully no boyfriend,” You laughed at the last part. “So, what are you about?”

“Right, well uh,” you chuckled softly, awkwardly sipping on your beer as you leaned on the counter. You shrugged. “I’m a doctor who works sixty-plus hours a week, I have zero social life, I’m not home nearly enough to have a pet. And I certainly have no time for the nonsense of men my age. But hey, if you want to know what I’m about, it’ll take more than just shitty beer and a kitchen conversation to figure me out.”

Russell smiled. Genuinely smiled. But it was a different kind of glint, like he was amused, impressed almost. He chuckled as he nodded, stepping to stand in front of you. You straightened up, looking up at him.

“Surely you’d have time to get a drink with me sometime then? I don’t know if I’m your age but I can assure you I’m not going to waste your time. Would love to try and figure you out while I’m here.” He bit his bottom lip, eyebrows raised and green eyes big with expectancy. 

Yes—said the warmth between your legs.

No—said your rational mind.

“Russell…” Your voice was a warning, apprehensive as you chewed on your bottom lip. “I don’t think I should be going on dates while my sister’s fiance is missing.” 

“It’s her fiance that’s missing, not yours.” He chuckled. You knew he didn’t mean to sound mean, or mocking but you scoffed softly, moving away from him. His words hit you in ways he could never know.

“I don't do… That. Y’know, dating? Or hookups. I don’t do romance, period.” You argued, hands on your hips. He tilted his head at you, eyebrows raised as he looked at you with that indescribably charming look of his. God, did he make it hard to say no.

“Don’t have to be anything. I’m not expecting anything. Just drinks, no strings attached, we’ll see where the night takes us, yeah?” He made a very compelling argument, and his unwavering confidence and charm was hard to resist.

Truly, you didn’t remember the last time you felt so tempted to go on a date with someone, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. From coworkers to patients have made advances you’ve always easily turned down. But Russell? You didn’t feel like you wanted to turn him down. You gave in so easily.

“Whadaya say?”

“Yeah, okay. Just drinks. We’ll see what happens. But don’t get any funny ideas, okay?” You warned him. He chuckled but ultimately raised his hands up in defense when you narrowed your eyes at him.

“I am a gentleman, sweetheart. I know how to behave in front of a pretty girl.”

Your concern was if you could behave in front of a hot guy. Especially when he was as hot as Russell.

[mayajadewrites]

could've been you - aizawa, hawks

✦ synopsis: You're the new teacher at UA with a rocky past with one of their beloved teachers, Shouta Aizawa aka Eraserhead. You'd rather never see him again but alas, such is life. You also meet Keigo, aka Hawks, who is the opposite of Aizawa. Smiley, golden retriever energy.

✦ chapter content warnings: none

✦ relationships: aizawa x fem!reader, hawks x fem!reader

chapter ten

ao3

TAG LIST:

@come-away-with-me87, @kxshdoll, @evilsanzu, @friendly-neighborhood-turtle, @lili-pond,

@the-unhinged-raccoon @falling4fandoms @cherry-cosmoz @kkgraham @big-denki-energy @aphrodite-xoxo @keiweeny @minminroie @skazewrld

You spent the rest of your Saturday with Shouta - planning out your collaborating class next week and what you want to test the kids on.

It's nice hanging out with Shouta. Even just as friends. It reminded you of high school, how you would hide behind the bleachers during class while the rest of the class ran laps. How Shouta would cover his ears if it was too loud around him, so you bought him ear plugs to help ease the pain he would get in his head.

Your legs laid along his couch, your ankles sitting on top of his lap as he traces shapes on your skin gently. You were both reading, so the room is silent. But you have never felt more comfortable.

"Shouta?" You look up from your book, watching the raven haired man with the tired eyes meet your gaze.

"Yes?"

"This is nice." You smiled, setting your book on your thighs.

"I agree." Shouta looked back at his book as he began to rub your foot gently with his large, callused hand.

"Have you ever wanted to, maybe, go out somewhere?"

He looked at you as if you were stupid. "You know I hate going out."

"You don't like dates?"

"I don't remember the last time I went on one. I usually just-" He stopped speaking to look at you. "I would just bring women home, but I haven't in a couple of years."

"You haven't had sex in years?"

"Shut up." Shouta squeezed your foot with his hand. "It's not as hard as it looks. Plus, I don't like using women for sex. It's much better when there's feeling behind it."

You could feel your cheeks flush red as you think about having sex with Aizawa. His strong arms locked around you, his cock pounding into you like he has all the time in the world to fuck you.

"Is sex meaningful to you? Or would you just fuck anyone?"

"I like it more when there's feelings, definitely."

"Well you fucked that bird, so I'm gonna go with the latter."

"Shouta!" You shoved him gently with your hand. "I did like him."

"Did? Feelings gone already?" His voice was smooth, pushing his fringe behind his ear.

"Once you've fucked me over, my feelings are gone. Usually."

"Usually, hm?" Shouta leaned in towards your face, his body invading your immediate space. "Someone's gotten a second chance?"

"Well he hasn't asked yet. So I guess not." You shrugged and brought your book closer to your face. Shouta pressed his index finger to the top of your book, pushing it down so he can see your face.

"This is me asking for a second chance, princess." Shouta almost whispered.

"You're usually mocking me when you call me princess. Do you really want a second chance?"

"You've always reminded me of a princess." He brought his index finger to the side of your face, caressing the outline of your cheeks and jaw. "Your big eyes, the way your hair is always so shiny." He hand ran through your hair. "Even when we were younger, I wasn't mocking you. I was just saying that so you wouldn't think I liked you."

"Sounds like you really liked me." You leaned into his touch, pressing your forehead onto his.

"Look in my head." Shouta looked at you.

"I don't want to use my quirk on you."

"I want you to look at the memory I'm thinking about. Please."

You sighed, focusing your energy on Shouta. You closed your eyes and moved your hands slowly, like you were reaching for his memory.

Soon enough you were inside his memory. You were both sat on the couch as you watched your surroundings.

"This is that coffee shop we went to when we first started as pro heroes." Your eyes were fixed on the Aizawa in your memory. He looked so much younger - the bags under his eyes not as deep as they are now.

"Look to your right." Shouta said to you, leaning back on the couch as he extends his arm behind you.

There you were.

You were ordering your coffee for you, Shouta, Enji, and Yamada. You looked so... happy.

You turn your attention back to the Aizawa in the memory, who was also staring at you.

You watched as Enji's mouth moved, but you couldn't quite hear him.

"You need to tell her how you feel." You finally heard Enji.

Your eyes went wide.

"She doesn't feel the same way, there's no point." Shouta turned away from you as you turned on your heel with the tray of coffees.

"You're such an idiot." Enji rolled his eyes.

"Our first coffees as pro heroes!" You smiled from ear to ear.

"Hell yeah!!" Yamada grabbed his coffee, pushing his cup in the air to meet yours. "Cheers to us!"

"Shouta, take your coffee and cheers with us. You too, Enji."

Enji had a sympathetic look on his face as he looked at Shouta. Like he knew how deep of feelings Shouta had for you.

Shouta watched every move you made, how your hips swayed as you sipped your coffee, something you often did when you had a sweet treat. How your hair fell beautifully on your shoulders, down your back almost to your ass.

You blinked, moving your hand in between the memory and reality, letting go of Aizawa's mind.

"Shouta. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to embarrass myself. I was sure you didn't like me, like that anyways."

You bring your knees to your chest, using your chin to lean on your kneecaps. "Funny, I thought the same about you up until you put me in a coma."

Aizawa turned his head down, almost like you cut him with a sharp knife.

You stared at him for a moment, hoping he would say something.

Anything.

"Will you go to dinner with me?" He finally spoke.

"You just said-"

"Do I need to repeat myself?"

You ponder the question for a moment. You've wanted to see Shouta in a romantic setting for a long time. Where you both dress up, you put on your best makeup, and you could end the night in Shouta's arms.

"Tonight."

"It's 5PM."

"So you have 3 hours to get ready." You get up from the couch to slip your shoes on. "Pick me up at 8."

NEXT CHAPTER IS THE DATEEEEE HEHE

[the-one-who-lambs]

uhh hello!! sorry if this is a tall order LOL but I wanna ask, do you have any narilamb fanfic recs? :D I already read yours and I really like bamsara’s and I’m waiting for epicaandk’s to update (that one is my fav ever <3) but idk what to read now lol

Tall order?? Naaaaah, I'm always happy to give recs. Oh boy, I'm gonna go in reverse chronological order.

If you've read all of my narilamb fics (have you seriously? I'm impressed, that's probably well over half the 150k+ I've written for this damn fandom. Also, to anyone seeing this from a reblog, my stuff is over at onethirdofimpossible!) then here we go!

You already mentioned it, but The Rehabilitation of Death is excellent so far! This one is by @bamsara who is new to the CotL fandom but apparently not new to fanfic writing; they have a really popular FNAF fic and I assume the well-deserved attention this fic's been getting is a byproduct of the popularity they've already gotten in other fandoms. :D Welcome, bamsara! Many of the fic writers in this fandom are friends with each other already, but we don't bite if you wanna say hi.

Feel No Evil and Language Barrier, both by @payasita. I always love how payasita portrays this duo (in both digital art and writing), with so much sass and repressed loneliness, knowing they're stuck together for eternity and making the best of it. (And maybe falling in love, depending on how dense Narinder keeps being.) What makes these come alive for me is how well thought out the setting is outside the Lamb and Narinder. The descriptions and weight of emotions really pop here.

LITERALLY ANYTHING written by pavi / @i-eat-deodorant. Depending on how spicy you want your fics to be he has even more here. Character analysis, diction, pacing, etc. are consistently 10/10. Top-quality banter between a sassy Lamb and tired old man Narinder. We constantly bounce ideas off each other and inspire each other a lot but I promise I'm not hyping him up just because he's my friend oh my god please just go bless your eyes.

It Was For You, O Death by blueberry-muffin-massacre (if they have a tumblr, let me know so I can tag!). An intriguing alternative ending to the final battle wherein the Lamb chooses a secret third option by refusing to give up the Red Crown and still observing Narinder as the God of Death. So many details are so well thought out and duality their relationship is nicely characterized-- both genuine care for each other and also quite unhealthy. A fine line treaded well!

Confessional by jusmove (again, lmk if they have a tumblr). Been a while since I've read it, but I love how the Lamb chips at Narinder's very carefully built emotional walls. Their personalities are very well fleshed out here, especially Narinder's cognitive dissonance at being able to process love.

Confession by @thewitchoftheweed. I didn't expect a part two to this one, but my god I was so thrilled when it did update. Narinder and Lamb with their unique and parallel loneliness and their fucked-up sense of everything. Their relationship is very rocky here, and I love how they navigate it: with tension and eventual, pained acceptance. Mind the rating.

Of Character Development and Being Dense by @calliecature. A short and sweet narilamb classic. They're both mutually pining and one of them is too emotionally repressed to realize it. Guess who.

Not An Offering, But a Gift by @checkplzjuliet. Small confession fic. I especially love how Narinder's descriptions twist the knife of his situation here, and how Lambert is a total foil for him! There are a lot of good things happening in such a short span, which is impressive.

Also, if you think you've read all my narilamb fics... I do have a secret one out there too. Just so you know.

Happy reading!

I'm already friends with many of the people here, but if any of the writers I've tagged have been kinda wanting to reach out for a while but feel a little anxious... Don't be. I've made my best friends in this fandom by literally just waiting for some of my readers to get over whatever assumption they have that I'm cool and say hi. Or being the more confident one first.

[lunamadhatter99]

All for the cameras

chapter 2

Finnick Odair x fem!reader

Here we go, part 2! Thank you, thank you, thank you all for the support with the first chapter!! I'm so glad that everyone liked it.

I hope you're going to like this second chapter too🤞 again if you're new and want to be tagged in the next chapter, comment here❤️❤️❤️

Chapter summary: It's time for the big event. And better keep our eyes open.

Chapter warning: none, except the usual mention of prostitution and usual Hunger Games stuff. Nothing too wild. We still won't see Finnick in this chapter, but I promise it's going to be worth it❤️

Tag list

@guacam011y

@justtrying2getby

@idontevenknow1359

@alexandra-001

@bambikitten

@maggiecc

@redh00dsbf

@haneybunny

@1-800-styles

@sisiking99

"Snow is watching us." Haymitch says, we're almost at the Capitol for the final interview and the big celebration.

"Of course, he is. He needs to watch everything. Especially the inconveniences," I scoff.

"Yeah. And if he wants you to pacify the districts, I promise you, he's not happy." Haymitch continues, "instead of being in love, you two sounds like you're reading from a drilling manual."

"You try reading that stuff that Effie writes us," Peeta mutters.

"Snow doesn't care." I tell him. "That's not how you want to convince him."

"I'm open to suggestions," he says back, tired.

"We could get married," Katniss quietly suggests, not looking up at anyone.

"That's not helping," Haymitch comments.

"I'm serious. If, like you said we're on this train forever, it's gonna happen eventually. Why not now?"

"It does make a statement. I'll give you that." Haymitch then looks at Peeta who agrees, but quickly stands up and leave. Katniss looks at me.

"It's something we can try, you're right... they would want it to happen eventually." I shrug.

"It's settle, then." Haymitch drinks to that and Katniss looks at me with hope.

---------------

"Are you sure you don't want to come to the party?" I ask Haymitch before I have to leave for Snow's residence. "Lots of free alcohol."

"I don't need free alcohol." He chuckles amused, "I'm a victor. I already got that."

"Don't you want to save a damsel in distress?" I try again.

"Our president seems very well guarded on his own," Haymitch jokes, "he's safe."

I genuinely laugh at that shaking my head.

"See? I need that! Please?" I try to beg just one more time.

"Don't send me that look, Princess." He turns his head away ready to walk away.

"Fine, fine... I tried." I raise my hands up in surrender. "Wish me luck, at least. "

"Maybe they'll leave you alone tonight, too interested in the two lovers," he sadly smiles at me, hoping, rather than believing, his own words to be true.

"Yeah, maybe," I take a deep breath, "well... have a goodnight, Haymitch."

"You too, princess." He winks, "and eyes open."

------------

The party is just as exaggerated as ever. Lots of people, lots of food and drinks and lots of lights.

I make my way through the crowd, towards the tables full of food and drinks, hoping to find something to make this evening more tolerable. I take a glass and take a sip, breathing deeply.

Some people come to talk to me, about the victors, thankfully.

"Two victors, exciting, uh?" One of the them says cheerfully.

"Very," I say with my usual forced smile.

"You must be proud, two victors on your turn on 12," a woman with very voluminous hair nudges me, "you were the talk of the town these past few days, you know?"

"Me?" I ask, surprised by that, usually everyone forgets about me during the victory tour.

"Oh yes, well beside the lovebirds." A green haired man chimes in.

"Why?" I start to get anxious, the necklaces feel a lot tighter than before.

"I heard a rumour... someone wants to put a ring on your finger," she whisper-exclaims with a wink.

"W-what?... I don't think... uh..." I stutter.

"C'mon, everyone knows you're Cal Kingslay's favourite." She teases, with a devilish smirk, "and it's rumored that he wants you all to himself."

"Isn't that wonderful?" The man cheers. "We could probably get two well awaited weddings this year!"

"I hope I didn't ruin the surprise." The woman adds, with, what I'm sure is, a fake apologetic smile.

"Of course not. Now would you excuse me, gotta wait for my Victors." I say turning around to walk as far as possible from them, I finish my drink in one go and soon take another glass. Thankfully it's announced the arrival of Katniss and Peeta.

I spot them walking through the crowd following Effie and heading to Flavius and Octavia so I quickly join them.

As they see me arrive they immediately smile, relieved.

"There you are," I say holding my hands out for them to hold, "I've missed you,"

All for the cameras.

"It's only been 30 minutes," Peeta plays along.

"And you can stay that long away from me?" I fake offence, "You wound me,"

Everyone around us laugh so I just decide to stick with them as long as I can.

Helping them play along is much easier than expected, especially with Peeta, Katniss is still a little uncertain, but I get her, it got me years and years to get used to the cameras.

After I unfortunately finish my fourth glass, I need another one, in order to survive this evening.

"Excuse me a second," I whisper at them and head to the other side of the room where I can get another glass of Whiskey.

I turn around to go back to Katniss and Peeta when I'm met with a firm chest.

Unfortunately I already know who this might be.

"Found you" Cal teases.

I look up at him, the blue in his hair is even stronger than I remembered, and a little longer too, he got bigger, more muscles for sure, eyes just as devilish.

"That you did," I try to mask my fear with a chuckle.

"I've missed you, you know, been looking everywhere for you since I got here," he says with a sweet tone, that only makes my skin crawl. He grabs my hand to play with my fingers.

"I've been here the whole time, chatting with the Victors you know," I take my hand back, "I should get back to them, exc-"

"They got you all this time," he stops me from walking away, "it's not the same without you."

"I..." I want to say something, but nothing comes out.

"I mean, it's fun and all with Finnick, but with you..." he lets out a big dreamy sigh, "with you it's so much better"

He says the last part leaning in, close enough to suffocate me.

"Excuse me?"

We both turn and see Peeta standing there.

"Peeta!" I say, both surprised and relieved, "Peeta, uh.. this is Cal Kingslay, his father was once the general himself"

"Nice to meet you, sir," Peeta extends his hand and Cal grabs it and shakes it.

"The pleasure is all mine, Mr Mellark," Cal greets him, he's tense though, he doesn't like being interrupted.

"Uh... Peeta, where's Katniss?" I ask to change the subject.

"She's dancing with the new Head Gamemaker," he explains simply, "but I still wanted to dance so I thought to ask you, if you're free."

"Oh, but of course," I say holding out my hand for him.

"But..." Cal starts.

"Oh, c'mon, he's our new victor, we can't say no to him, now can we?"

"Of course not," Cal says with a very evident forced smile.

That being said, me and Peeta go dance with the other people, I even spot Katniss with said New head Gamemaker.

"Thank you," I breathlessly say as we start dancing.

"You're welcome, you looked like you needed saving," he says with his kind smile, "who is he?"

"A fan" I simply say, "a very... uh... insisting one"

"I see," he nods.

"Thanks again, really."

"Don't worry about it." He laugh, "I mean, you helped saving me in that arena, this is nothing."

It's actually a lot more than he thinks.

I smile at him, grateful.

I then feel a slight tap on my shoulder, I turn around seeing Katnis and the Gamemaker.

"Mind changing partners?" He asks politely.

"Sure."

Me and Katniss exchange spots.

"It's an honour," he says once we're dancing.

"That honour would be the same if I knew your name sir," I tease.

"Oh, my bad, I apologise." He chuckles, amused, "I'm Plutarch Heavensbee,"

"Now the honour is mine," I say, "new head Gamemaker... when did they choose you?"

"Oh, I volunteer," he simply explains.

"Oh..." I let out a surprised laugh, "I see Katniss is already dictating fashion."

"Yeah, she's an inspiration, don't you think?" He says it almost as a challenge.

"I do," I answer seriously. "There must be more then... why volunteer?"

"I think it's time for the game to mean something," he shrugs and smiles.

"Mean something?" I wonder, "that's pretentious,"

"A little," he chuckles again, "so I'd keep those eyes open, if I were you."

My eyes snap back at his face, he's smiling, proud of himself.

Why? Does he know something? Does Haymitch know something?

Before I get the chance to ask him anything, the Capitol anthem starts and the crowd cheers.

"I'm sure we'll meet again," he says before following the rest of the people out for President Snow's speech.

I'm a little stunned, it's Effie's call that snaps me out of it. I quickly join her, Katniss and Peeta out.

We all gather in front of the residence, waiting for the President Snow to come out. I turn around looking for Cal, only to make sure he doesn't sneak up on me again. I see him looking around, for me probably, so I quickly turn around getting closer to Katniss.

At last the President comes out on his balcony.

"Tonight, on this, the last day of their tour, I want to welcome our two Victors." He starts with his usual charming persona, two young people who embody our idealsof strength and valor. And I, personally, want to congratulate them on the announcement of their engagement."

Everyone cheers. Peeta and Katniss smile at the crowd around them.

"Your love has inspired us. And I know it will go on inspiring us every day for as long as you may live." He holds up his glass and the fireworks start and I turn around to look at them like everyone.

I sense Katniss holding my hand and turning around. I want to look at Snow too, but the way she starts to squeeze my hand tells me all I need to know...

He doesn't believe them.

It didn't work.

---------------

I'm sitting in an armchair staring at nothing in particular. My mind can't help but think about whatever we can do to make their story more believable, but nothing, absolutely nothing comes up.

The riots in the districts surely won't make him happy, which means it will be worse for everyone else.

Fuck.

My head snaps back as I hear footsteps coming, I let out a sigh when I notice it's just Katniss.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she apologises.

"Don't worry about it," I wave her off, "can't sleep either?"

She shakes her head, I motion for her to sit with me.

"Do you think we ever had any chance?" She then asks me.

"I guess, the positive side of me really hoped... but the realistic side knew." I sigh, looking down at my own hands, "I'm afraid it was too late from the beginning. And I don't mean from what happen in 11... I mean from the moment you took out the berries, that made the districts feel something, these riots all over the place won't be pacify by a love story. Snow knows that."

"He asked me to convince him," she explains, "to convince him ours is true love."

"He never believed you." I directly say, "not for a second."

"Why ask me that then?"

"Control." I simply answer looking up at her with a serious expression. "Show you he has control."

"How did you end up living like this?" She asks, she seems genuinely interested, but I'm not ready to share that part of my life with her just yet.

I smile at her, a smile that doesn't reach my eye.

"Aw... Katniss, I thought you knew the difference between living" I turn serious again, looking her dead in the eyes," and surviving."

With that I stand up, grab a bottle of what I think is rum, and head to my room.

-----------

I stand by the doors waiting for Peeta, Katniss and Haymitch to get off the train. The thought of going back to normal is dreadful enough, going back alone is even worse, I don't want to think about it.

"Home sweet home," Haymitch declares as he nears.

"Don't be so eager to leave me," I joke, holding my hand out for him to shake, he takes and kiss the back of it.

"You know, it pains me deeply," he teases back and I chuckle.

"Take care of them, will you?" I ask quietly.

"You take care of yourself, will you?" He lets go of my hand and leans down to whisper into my ear, "and eyes open" He smiles one more time before getting of the train.

"You'll have to explain that to me properly one of these days," I tell him as I watch him go.

"Isn't his whole character just... cryptic?" I turn around seeing Peeta and Katniss.

"Or just constantly drunk." Katniss chimes in.

"He's cryptically drunk all the time," I smile, "so... you got everything?"

"Yeah, we're ready to get home." Peeta smile back at me.

"Good... Good." I let out a deep sigh, "it's been a pleasure assisting you two. I guess I'll see you at the next Hunger Games, mentors."

"Thank you for everything, Y/n." Peeta pulls me in for a quick hug before walking away.

"Bye," I wave then turn to Katniss, "you okay?"

"Yeah... I think so." She forces a small smile.

"I wish I could do more," I tell her honestly.

"Thanks,"

"Say hi to your family for me, alright?" I smile again and she nods.

Once Katniss is out of sight a Peacekeeper comes up to me.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Your presence has been requested back in the Capitol. We'll be leaving soon." He tells me.

"May I know who requested it?" I ask, tired. I already imagine who-

"President Snow."

Uh?

"Did he say why?"

The peacekeeper doesn't answer and walks away. I stand here dumbfounded, wondering what he might want from me.

Is it because of Katniss and Peeta?

Is it because of the riots in the districts?

Is it because of the Quartel Quell? Does he wants me to be more participant or?

Then a terrifying thought comes to mind...

------------

"You asked for me, sir?" I stand in front of his desk as he write something down.

"It came to my attention a rumour's veen going around regarding you, miss L/n." He starts, still not looking directly at me, "a merry one."

"Sir?" I ask, my throat instantly dry.

"Cal Kingslay apparently wants to marry you," he finally puts down the pen and looks at me with, what might seem, a genuinely happy expression, "That's a wonderful news."

"Is it?" I don't know what he wants from me.

"Oh yes, the people can't help but be thrilled about. the idea. I, myself, think it's great news. After the contributions the Kingslays gave to the games in these last years, it will show, not only to the Capitol, but the districts as well, that you are an active part of this system." He explains, the hint of a challenge in his eyes. Challenge me to say no, to refuse.

I really want to, I want to scream at him and just run away. Being sold to all rich people in the Capitol is not the life I want, but being tied to him... permanently, it's more terrifying.

But I have no choice.

All I can do is swallow my pride and take a deep shaky breath.

"I... how... how will it happen, sir?" I ask.

"You two will get engaged once I announce the Third Quarter Quell and get properly married after the crowing of the Victor. He will ask, you will happily say yes." He explains, satisfied with my compliance, then he goes back at the papers in front of him, "That's all."

I don't need him to tell me twice, I immediately walk out of his office, ready to go home and just let everything out.

"Oh, before you go," Snow's voice freezes me on the spot, "Plutarch Heavensbee asked for your company, you will be escorted to his house immediately." He informs me.

I shakily nod and walk out of his office where two guards make way.

-----------

"Do you want some tea?" Plutarch motion for me to sit at a big wooden table, "perhaps something stronger?"

I nervously nod as I sit.

He walks away, I hear him talking to someone before walking back into the room I'm in with two drinks in hand. He offers one to me and sits by the opposite side of the table.

"I told the guards to come back in an hour, we should have enough time" he smiles and I nod again, still not sure of what to expect.

Suddenly the lights go off and the room falls into deep darkness. I can still make out his face due to the lights coming from outside.

"What...?" I ask.

"You can never feel safer," he tells me.

"What's going on, Mr Heavensbee?" I ask, anxiety growing at every passing second.

"Tell me, miss L/n," he starts, voice a little quieter than before, "what do you know about district 13?"

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 17, Unanswered - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, anxiety.

Word Count: 570

Previously On...: You met with the head of Galvin & Associate's, your PR firm, to make sure a statement went out refuting any relationship between you and Steve Rogers. Also, why the fuck isn't Bucky calling you back?!

A/N: SUPRISE THIRD DROP!

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when I update, please enable notifications from my Blog page!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

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Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

You managed to keep down some saltine crackers and a bowl of chicken broth Sam had prepared for you for lunch, though it was difficult not to gag, what with all the sass he was giving you about the headlines. You were feeling a little less tired, now that you had some nourishment in your system, but you still found yourself lying in bed, listlessly checking your phone over and over again for a new message or call from Bucky that never came.

Lisa Galvin had been true to her word, at least; you began receiving Google Alerts linking to your statement. Of course, they weren’t getting as much traffic as the original articles had, but you were relieved to know that the truth of the matter was finally out there, and you could breathe easier for it.

You sent a link to your statement to Bucky, hoping that would entice him to answer you, but were only met with continued silence. You were becoming increasingly agitated by his lack of communication. Yes, you were worried about his safety, but as much as you were loath to admit it, Carthage was with him, and two super soldiers working together was a challenge even the more elite terrorist organizations would have difficulty taking on.

But then again, he was with Carthage. What if he had seen the headlines and believed them? What if he— no. You weren’t going to let yourself go down that path. He had been so dedicated over the last two months, working to prove he was worthy of your trust, cutting her out completely. He wouldn’t – couldn’t– betray you like that. He knew it would destroy you, destroy any chance the two of you had to make your relationship work. You had to trust him. That was the entire point of your separation. Rebuilding trust, and you had to believe in him.

You had to.

With a sigh, you put your phone back on its charger, battery already well depleted from all the web browsing and non-Bucky texting you’d done so far today. Maybe you would take a nap. While you were feeling a little better, you didn’t want to risk a repeat of last night, where you couldn’t even stand on your own without assistance, so you figured a little extra rest would do you some good. Besides, maybe you’d wake up and Bucky would have contacted you, and you could finally stop fretting over the entire thing.

Yes, a nap sounded excellent right now.

You woke up, a few hours later with a start. You’d had a nightmare. You couldn’t remember exactly what it was about, just that it had been about Bucky, and it left your heart aching. Rubbing your eyes and trying to shake the feeling of pain from your heart, you checked your phone again. Still nothing, but it was quickly approaching the designated time for him to call you– his “proof of life” communication that had become a standard, every day tradition when one of you was away. Surely, he’d contact you soon. So, you waited.

And waited. And waited. Then you waited some more.

Two and a half hours after the predetermined call time, you’d had enough. You could feel your stomach practically eating itself alive with anxiety, on top of the nausea you were already experiencing, and there was only one person who had the answers you were looking for.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[elainsgirl]

no cause im tired of everything.

I'm sick of people talking about gwyn like shes the most important character ever. like yall don't actually care about her. they only like her cause shes involved with a batboy which is ridiculous. ("pro gwyneth" like be so fr... we barely know anything about her??? Like I like gwyn but stop making stuff up about her and saying shes saving the world.) that girl didn't show any romantic feelings towards him, so stop forcing it. (not to mention they never talk about emerie... interesting)

why is azriel getting shipped with everyone?? "gwyn is azriel's mate!" "no, its eris" "no, its bryce" "no, its mor" "no, its rhys dead sister" I LAUGH SO HARD AT THESE CAUSE WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS FROM???? I bet if azriel breathes next to anyone, they will automatically assume its his mate! leave the guy alone, my gosh.

"his shadows hate elain" just shut up. like fr.

"elain can go to the spring court and be with tamlin while az gets with gwyn and lucien gets with vassa" BAHAHAHAHAH. bro i cant even say anything to this because its ridiculous.

"if az finds his real mate, he will leave elain in a hurry" BRO. why do you guys think this man world revolves around wanting a mate so badly???? yall think so low of him its weird. if he wanted a mate oh so badly... he wouldnt go for elain! get that in your dumb heads!

now with the bonus chapter (elain and az part) im iffy about it. its good at the start but rhys and az argument gave me the ick but I understand what he meant either way. I can see why people didnt like azriel here. but to call him entitled is just WILD! he wasnt wrong questioning the cauldron. like why is he having all these mate behaviors towards elain when she has a mate??? I'd question the cauldron, too. feyre was so real when she said "why not make them mates" because they lowk fit no matter what anyone says.

now this was really irks me. "3 brothers and 3 sisters is so cliche" cliche??? bestie- do you see what we are reading??? the answer to the riddle was "love" out of all things. shut up with that dumb excuse. we have never seen 3 brothers and 3 sisters yet- well I havent. im pretty sure most of you havent either. if you read the BOOKS, you will understand that sjm uses the word 3 a lot. this is just common sense, people love to twist stuff.

Now dont get me wrong, I'll go for elucien or elriel. I dont care. but these gwynriels made me dislike az and gwyn together. like I used to go along with it but now they force it so badly "READ THE BONUS CHAPTER" "DID YOU READ THE BONUS CHAPTER" "maKe suRe yOu rEad iT cArEfuLly" "he chuckled with her" "they glance at eachother" "az and gwyn are going to save the world together" "i hope nesta, emerie, gwyn and az leave and make their own court" < (I fr saw someone say something like this) sister... I literally cringe! just please stop.

btw elriels gwyn isnt evil. stop saying that.

im so sorry for this rant. it just had to be said.

lmfao the need to vent is so real. This fandom TESTS your patience at times.

I think one of my biggest annoyances with Gwynriel is the fact that Gwyn doesn’t even like Azriel that way. Instead of focusing on how far she’s come, her accomplishments etc everything seems to go back to Azriel. If you ever truly look At gwynriel theories and headcanons the focus is always on Az and Gwyn doesn’t have much of a story by herself, she doesn’t lead a story. She is a follower/tag along. I will always say this again and again: If she was that important to the point of having anything to do with the prisons, trove, TT/Gwydion she would have been introduced earlier on in the series. It’s that simple. She has nothing to do w the prison, Koshei or even the daggers/made objects. Everything about gwynriel is forced - from Gwyn and Az having feelings for each other to their plot. Barely anything of that ship makes sense when you truly start to unravel it.

Az is getting shipped with everyone except who he truly wants and thats just comical. I guarantee you, If Az interacted with any other woman - gwynriel shippers would split so fast and some will start shipping him with the new woman.

“His shadows hate elain” … why were they ready to strike Nesta all because she insulted elain? They also speak so can’t they literally just tell Az “hey man, we dont like elain”. Then part of this claim comes from the fact Elain made his shadows skitter which is something Az does himself.

I so want Elain to go to Spring and mention how she finds it stiffling/claustrophobic. Elain going to spring to live there is ignoring everything about her character and only focusing on the fact she likes flowers and by their own logic, Nesta should go to Day and Feyre to a more artistic court.

If Az soley wanted a mate and was so desperate for one - why on earth is he pining for someone WITH A MATE. It literally defeats the purpose of him getting a mate. Also its such a stilt to his character for him to want a mate and then get one. It doesn’t allow character growth and makes the idea of “mates” seem as a prize instead of this romantic connection. If he wanted a mate so badly, this man would be going after women with no mates. Not one that has a mate. The logic behind this arguement is so stupid,

Azriel’s bonus to me parallels Feyre’s whole scene where she questioned the cauldron because of Azriel. It was Sjms way of bringing it back and reminding us of it. Telling us “look! Another character is doubting elucien’s bond! Why is Az questioning the cauldron” etc. The only part of Azriel’s bonus where I got the ick aside from his and gwyns’ awkward conversation- is when he said Lucien doesn’t deserve Elain. I get where that statement was coming from but he isn’t someone to decide who deserves who. This is what doesn’t make sense: antis call Az entitled for simply WONDERING why Elain was given to Lucien, he hs made no move to break elucien up. He hs not forced anything onto Elain. He doesn’t dictate or control her interactions with Lucien, the fact he hadn’t planned a future for them either all show he is far from acting entitled. But eluciens needed a way to make Az seem bad and lucien better hence why latched onto this argument when it doesn’t make sense given what we know about Azriels character, his thoughts, actions and what he said in the bonus.

“3 sisters and 3 brothers is cliche” whilst reading a romantasy series ( a genre filled with repetitive cliches) by an author who claims to be the queen of cliches. Every single fated mates ending up together? Cliche. Omg the trainer and his trainee fell in love? How unique. Its not like that is also a popular trope. I cannot give you any book/s in which 3 sisters end w 3 brothers, I however can pull out multiple books with the fated mates/warriors/trainerxtrainee tropes.

Too bad. Mass loves the IC - There is no reason why Nesta/valkryies and Az would go to another court. Wait - but the night court is Azriels home. Its where he belongs, unlike Elain who has to leave…but now they want Az to leave too? One thing you can trust antis to do is be consistent with their inconsistencies. Honestly, I was open to the idea of gwynriel but genuinely none of their theories or HCs make sense. In a general sense gwynriel is a good ship sure but you can generally ship any two characters together from the series. It doesn’t mean it’s happening & they’ll be endgame.

Gwyn definitely isn’t evil. However I do think she has the potential to become morally grey which im all here for.

[firstprincehornyramblings]

I'm posting this Sentences Sunday at 3am, because why the hell not, it's Sunday. This one is going to have 3 snippets, all very nsfw, all very under the cut, but I'm doing to try and keep them shorter, for mysterious reasons. *wiggles fingers*

- kissingchambers (🤭) pwp 💊

He couldn’t look down at Elliot, he managed a glance before giving up and looking back at the ceiling. Those hungry eyes and wide pupils narrowed and nearly predatory- that look was lethal. It would make impossibly quick work of Marco if he allowed himself to watch. His hand tugged harder at the hair between his fingers, legs spreading wider, to what end he had no idea. But it was rewarded with one of Elliot’s hand sliding along his inner thigh, squeezing at soft skin. “I- uh, Ellie…” Marco swallowed hard, gasping for air between moans as he spoke. “Can you uh-” With a hum, Elliot lifted his head, still sucking hard as his mouth popped free. “Ellie, that’s cute, what, are you about to cum?” he chuckled, somehow still sounding sarcastic. All Marco could really do was nod.

--------------------------------------------------------------------- doctor alex and patient henry 🩺

“Oh, I didn’t make you dinner,” Henry sneered, “You can do that on your own.” “Wh-” “You need to get tested,” he didn’t even allow his boyfriend to respond to the initial jab. “You fucking gave me chlamydia,” he hissed, already standing up and emptying his plate, “Don’t apologize, don’t make a fucking excuse, be an adult, take care of it. And for christ’s fucking sake,” he snapped, tossing his plate into the sink nearly hard enough to break it, “Use a Johnny next time, will you?” “Baby, wait,” Charlie pleaded, following behind Henry who was already in the process of storming toward the bedroom. “Do not,” the blond whipped around with lightning speed, a finger shoved only centimeters from his boyfriend’s nose, “Do not fucking ‘baby’ me, right now.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------- dystopian prince's consort alex 👑

All at once, Alex got his wish, Henry’s hips jerking forward as he spilled onto the bed. Streak after streak of white painted the linens, loud husky whines and moans coming from deep in the blond’s chest. That tightness squeezing Alex’s cock like a vice grip, it was an incredible feat that he didn’t finish on the spot himself; he’d thank whichever god did that for him later. His own hips finally slowed to a moderate pace, now just rolling into deep, slow slamming motions into the other man. His hand worked the last few drops from Henry’s tip, the opposite hand leaving the blond’s throat to lovingly cradle a warm cheek instead. His thumb brushed over Henry’s lips in a way that was far too affectionate for what they’d just done, but he couldn’t help it, Alex was a romantic at heart. “Where do you want me to cum, baby?” “On my face, please,” with that answer, the blond leaned forward, falling into the mattress with no regard for the mess. He rolled over onto his back after a moment, still breathing hard as he looked up at Alex. There was a smile on those plush lips now, a quiet blissed out laugh, and half-lidded cock drunk eyes. Henry was more beautiful that way, Alex thought.

—

🏷️(no pressure tags darlings)

@taste-thewaste @henrysfox @mikibwrites @eusuntgratie

@softboynick @catdadacd @sheepywritesfics @henryspearl

@basil-bird @caressthosecheekbones @henfox @anti-homophobia-cheese

@redlipstickandglitter @onthewaytosomewhere

@thesleepyskipper @tailsbeth-writes @thighzp @lfg1986-2

+ literally anyone else I'm tired and forgot. (i say as if im not always sleepy) or anyone who sees this and wants to tag me, I love reading yall's stuff. <3

[thepepsislvt]

Ok but imagine barto with a lover who like really likes when he bites.. I mean he has the epithet “The Cannibal” for a reason…

also goes with the idea it jay be a different kid of eating that he’s doing if ykwim

I hear you loud and clear tulip anon and I've been thinking about this for so fucking long

We share the same brain cell I'm convinced and I'm just mischievously smiling at my phone rn

this one has my usual no pronouns but reader had a coin slot for this one so it can be read as fem or trans masc 👍

‼️anw this one is nsfw so please be adviced‼️

Warnings: Nsfw, eating out, masochist reader, bottom reader, blood play (?)

you like it when Bartolomeo bites you

and i mean you really like it

he loves to give you little love bites

he mainly does it for attention or to show off to his crew as a reminder not to mess with you

but you especially love it when he bites your thighs

one of your hands is gripping the bed sheets underneath you and the other is tightly gripped on in his brightly colored hair as he eats you out like a man whose starving

he licks and sucks at your clit as two of his fingers are pumping in and out of you

“feeling good, sugar?”

he would ask every now and again. it may sound like teasing to anyone around but you know that deep down he wants to make sure you’re doing alright and its not too much

last thing he would want to do is hurt you in a bad way

once he gets the okay to continue, you dont have to tell him twice

turns his head to face the inside of your thigh

he presses kisses to the soft flesh before biting it

not hard enough to cause a serious problem but just enough to break the skin

the painful sensation quickly turns to pleasure as he licks the spot he just bit to sooth it and collect any blood that may have spilled from the wound

you moan even louder and arch your back off the bed at the sensation

“Barto! more please!”

He laughs lightly and bites you again on the opposite thigh “what ever you want, Sugar”

he then adds a third finger inside of you right as he bites you

this was enough to pull you over the edge

you came on his fingers and scream his name.

you pulled his hair

he groans when you do and slows down his movements to help you through your orgasm without overstimulating you

once you come down from your high he pulls his fingers out of you and starts to suck on them, tasting your realease

you moan softly at the sight of him

once he was finished cleaning his fingers, he hovered over you and kissed you deeply

you can taste your release and blood in his mouth

“well hope ya ain’t tired yet, I want seconds”

Tags:

@residential-havoc

[teamplasma-official]

PLASMAAA !!!

hahaha yeah, no, this isn't the actual actual official blog or anything. I'm just some grunt. call me Briar!

either way, official or not,

Liberate your pokemon TODAY!!! do it NOW! for everyone's sake. do what's right!!! before someone does it FOR YOU!

okay that's all from me. follow for more great advice. or a daily reminder. PLASMAAA!

god I'm so tired. I want a break. I want to move away. to galar, maybe...

[OOC UNDER CUT. READ IT!]

// hi!!! so!!! OOC section!

edit 5 january 2024: i think this guy isnt plasma-ing correctly

I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. an inexperienced roleplayer who's new to the pokemon franchise decides to make a grunt oc and roll with it? okay buddy. have fun.

and so I will! and hopefully you will, too! this guy even has some lore! a teeny tiny bit! he talks about 'the prince' from time to time. thats N's younger brother (aka. another oc of mine), @atypical-harmonia !!!

probably not smart of me to make this without knowing the b2/w2 lore, but again, I'm just rolling with it and seeing where it gets me!!! wooo!!! fun!!!! :)

MUSE IS AN ADULT, BUT MOD IS A MINOR — no NSFW please!

tag list:

#plasma reminders - reminders. usually most text posts but we also have "#plasma speaks" if it'll be needed

#plasma reblogs - reblogs

#scram - Briars personal, unrelated-to-team-plasma thoughts! aka, slight lore hints for them! if anyone even cares.../very lighthearted

#plasma answers - answers to asks

that's all I think!!! thank you for reading!

run by @agenderboy 🔥🔥

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

2023 Naughty list

There have been a lot of lists and I have a real problem narrowing down my faves, so I'll start with a less than positive list because honestly it's just easier for me to bitch about things. I need to get this one out of my system to get to the good stuff.

Characters that had me seriously consider my stance on violence

This guy (they don't deserve names) - Love Tractor

HOW DARE HE??? I seriously wanted to reach through the screen and hit with something heavy. He made my baby Ye Chan cry and for that alone I will not never forgive nor forget.

This guy - Happy Merry Ending

I see him on a street, I'm running him over with my car. Period.

This pretty guy - Never let me go

I think the fact that several of us wanted Chopper to shoot him kinda says it all.

This guy - Unintentional Love Story

Won Young is a better person than me. His speech was awesome but for what he did to TaeJoon he deserved more.

That guy ( no pic necessary) - Bed Friend

Running him over. Twice. Maybe 3 times.

This guy - Sing My Crush

He made Ba Ram cry and stole his song. I wanna get that stupid smile of his face. Perhaps with a bat. This guy - I Feel You Linger In The Air

Prison is too good for him.

Ok. There are more but I'll finish here. I'm sure I forgot a bunch and I'm sure someone will gladly remind me.

Shows that had me pulling my hair, screaming at the screen or were a challenge to my completionist nature

The Promise

Anyone who saw this show knows why it's here, and whoever didn't, well I envy you. I wanted to slap Phupa on a weekly basis and was screaming "Nan, why do you like this guy??!! at regular intervals.

I think the only good thing that I can say about this show (other than Party) is that I think it was the first interaction I had on BL tumblr and it was with @respectthepetty that like me was suffering through it weekly.

Absolute Zero

What is there more to say that I haven't said? As @twig-tea and anyone who read my recaps knows, I started really liking this show, and my discussions with Twig about the time traveling aspect in the beginning were great. But halfway through, the show trough any logic out of the window and I began eye rolling and screaming at the screen at an increasing rate.

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2

These two were my lifeline. I apologize to the fans but I was already getting tired of Minato when they threw the amnesia plot in there so I was pulling my hair in the final episodes when Asuka and Shu weren't on screen.

Shadow Part II

THIS COULD'VE BEEN SO GOOD!

Other Mentions: What did I just watch? Why am I watching this? Why did I not drop this? Love Syndrome III , Tin Tem Jai, Past-Senger (that ending...); House of Stars (Thailand) and You Are Mine (Taiwan)

Now I can get to my other lists. I won't tag anyone but please tag me if anybody makes a naughty list.

[praisethegabs]

middle of the night

pairing: leon kennedy x f!reader

word account: 3k

tags/warnings: inspired by 'middle of the night' by elley duhé, angst (maybe?), use of the pronoun 'she/her', soft smut

summary: "just call my name like you'll need me"

author's notes: english isn't my first language, so I apologize if you find anything wrong, plus I wrote this because I couldn't stop listening to this song, and I just wanted to read something based on it. since I'm working on a side project with Leon, I decided to write with him. plus, again, i wrote with the third person because I'm used to writing like this. Maybe i'll turn this into miniseries. Who knows? Enjoy xx

It was the middle of the night, like usual.

The wind was cold, and the night was dark, with soft mists around. Leon made his way through the door, making sure no one was around, although he knew no one was awake at the time. His job offered some privacy, even though he hated coming home so late. Especially during cold and darkest nights like this one. The worst part was no one was waiting for him, no one would be laying on his bed, and he had no one to come home to. He felt like he didn't belong to anyone. And that feeling was killing him inside.

And the reason he felt like that was that he lost the only person he truly cared about. And he remorses that every day, every night.

It was true his job took everything from him and left him with no other choice but to follow a lonely life. And he hated himself for letting her go away. Once he reaches his bedroom, he sat down on his bed, thinking about his life choices; Leon felt terrible. He couldn't stop reminding himself it was his fault, and he had to live with that. The guilty was consuming him from inside, and God, how badly he wanted to make things right.

He glanced at the clock next to his bed and wasn't surprised when he saw what time it was. He sighed heavily before laying down, staring at the roof, tormented by his thoughts. Leon didn't want to close his eyes, didn't want to see the same nightmares he had every night. Remorse and guilt.

After fifteen minutes, he finally decided what he needed to do. The blonde then takes his brown jacket from his closet and the keys from his car, driving to her home. Leon felt the urge to see her, just to talk to her and make sure she would listen to what he had to say. All Leon needed right now was to stay in her presence. He was craving for her.

When he saw her house, his heart almost skipped a beat. Leon noticed his sweaty palms and his heavy breath. Of course, the blonde agent knew he was nervous. The last time they both saw each other was six months ago and suddenly, he thought it was a terrible idea, but it was too late to go back, his legs were leading him to the door. His hands knocked softly and after a few minutes, the noise of someone walking inside reached him. And the door opened.

"Leon? What on earth are you doing here?" her voice is soft but implies she was sleeping, as a normal person would.

"I'm sorry... I... I just needed to see you" Leon said, his voice trembling.

"And you couldn't wait until morning? What time is it?" she asks again, yawning.

"Look... I... I'm sorry" Kennedy whispered, his voice breaking.

"For what, exactly?" The woman raises an eyebrow, confused.

"Everything"

She glances at him, confused. It was true he was the one who broke up and left. But now, he was standing there looking the same as he did the day he said goodbye. Although, she could see some new scars and red lines on his blue eyes. She could tell by his appearance he didn't rest at all. And she doubts he would.

"Look, Leon, I don't think now it's the best time for talking... it is the middle of the night and I'm tired... I'm sure we can talk later" she yawned again.

"Can you, please, let me talk to you? I won't take long, promise" he insists, sighing.

"You won't let me go to bed, aren't you?" there is a slight smirk on her lips.

"I hate the fact that you know me so well" Leon answered, smiling softly.

"Just get in here, it's cold outside"

The first thing he noticed was that her place didn't change at all. It was exactly how he last remembered, although he could see she changed the furniture a little. He sat on her couch, his palms still sweaty, his heart beating faster and faster inside his chest. It was a stupid idea. He could've waited until morning. He could've called her and asked, but oh God, he felt so desperate. His attention is broken when Leon realizes she's holding a cup of coffee, waiting for him to look at her.

"So... wanna tell me why you decide to show up at my doorstep in the middle of the night?" her voice asks softly, the same tone he loved to hear calling his name.

"I just couldn't handle things anymore. I can't stop thinking about what happened six months ago... why I left you and... how much I miss you" Leon said, clearing his throat.

But she didn't say anything. He felt guilt running through his body again; all she did was stay quiet, observing him with undying attention.

"I know I fucked up, and ever since I have to wake up every morning and face the fact that I'm an asshole. I feel like shit for everything I did to us... for letting you go like you mean nothing to me"

It was visible Leon was suffering, and he was being honest with his words. Truly honest. She knew he was broken into thousands of pieces, the same way she was shattered inside. Took a while to heal that wound in her chest, and now, he was there, telling her how sorry he was. It felt like walking on flaming pieces of broken glass. She had to fight herself to keep her hands down; how badly she wanted to touch him, how badly she missed him. Leon was like a drug, and she was so addicted to him. It wasn't healthy anymore.

"Every night when I return from work, I wish I could summon you, so you could come to me and stay there like we used to do" Leon kept talking. He needed to get it out of his chest. "Every night I have this same nightmare, I can see myself losing you over and over and over again... and it doesn't look better when I wake up because it is true. I just... I just can't live like this anymore"

All she saw was a broken man who needed to be healed. All she saw there was the love of her life suffering from something he did; although she wanted so badly to have him wrapped around her arms, she couldn't. She knew the lines between them, and crossing those said lines was a risk. But, deep down, she wanted it so desperately.

"You never told me why" her voice sounds hoarse.

"I know, and I blame myself for this. The truth is, my job doesn't allow me to live a normal life. I'm always somewhere else, fighting against maniacs, terrorists, and bioweapons. At this point, I just don't know if our government is entirely right anymore..." Leon sighed heavily, running his hands through his blonde hair. "And one day, I realized that... if I kept doing what I do, I would lose you. And this mere thought made me shiver. I couldn't lose the only thing I truly cared about. "

"So you did the only thing you thought was right... you decided to break up with me and... try to live with it" she concluded, shaking her head as she saw him nodding in response. "I'm surprised, I didn't expect that."

"I'm an asshole, I know." Leon smirks, realizing how silly he was.

"I wouldn't say that, but it is true... you acted like an asshole. You left when you could've just told me the truth, Leon. "This time, she smirks gently. "You know, you always said that the rookie cop inside you died that day in Raccoon City. I think that's not true"

"Why would you think that?" he raised an eyebrow, glancing at her.

"You protected me from your job, as your rookie cop version did those years ago. I think he is alive in there, deep down inside you" she explains, now smiling. "And I know it's true because I see him every time I look at you"

His cheeks slightly turn red as she says that. It was also true; that night, during the outbreak, she was helpless, and for sure, she would die if it wasn't for him. Leon saved her and tried his best to keep her safe from the zombies, even when he got shot in the shoulder. He carries the scar, a terrible souvenir from the night he almost died, and also the night he met the love of his life.

"I never asked what happened to you after Raccoon City, but I knew something was changed. I knew the training you went to was heavy, I saw your bruises and every time you tried to hide them from me... I knew something was going on, and it killed me when you didn't tell a thing about it" she sighed, looking at his beautiful blue eyes. "So after a while, I thought it was for the best to not think about it, even though I knew you were broken inside"

Leon was completely shocked by her words. He could expect anything from her, but not this. It was like someone threw cold water on his head. She knew all along and yet, she never did anything. And instead of staying by her side, all he did was leave her alone. I'm a complete asshole, Leon thought.

"You're a complete mess. You go away fearing someone will hurt me, but you can't see the only person who did that were you... then you come back and make me feel burning flames and crashing waves wash over me like they're some kind of hurricane... feelings that I fought to bury inside me" she says next, looking deep down in his eyes. "Do you think this is fair, Leon? Do you think it is fair to come here in the middle of the night to tell me all of this?"

"To be fair, I was so desperate to see you that I didn't realize it was a terrible idea until you opened the door. And I know I can't ask anything from you. All I wanted was to see your face one last time. " he stands up, ready to leave. "Now I did that, maybe I should go home. I've taken enough of your time"

"You can stay here for tonight. It's late, better not to drive, especially when you look tired like this. You can go in the morning, besides it's a cold night" she suggests, standing up next to him. She could smell his cologne, and oh good God, she missed that.

"Are you sure? I don't want to bother you more than I did" his cheeks were so red this time that he avoided looking at her.

"Don't worry... you can stay if you want... I still have your old pajamas, maybe they still fit... you got much bigger from the last time I saw you" she looks at his arms, biting her lower lip.

"You what?" the blonde asks, visibly surprised, but all she did was smile again.

And it was true, his old pajamas were in her drawer, and Leon could notice she still had a picture of them together. And the memory of the day he left came to his mind like a train disheveled; it was a surprise to see she kept his belongings. He thought she had tossed it all away after their breakup. It was night when he came back from work and she was there waiting for him like she always did and when he stepped inside their home, all he did was look at her bright eyes and tell her he needed to go away, that they could no longer continue with that relationship. And like the cold wind, he left.

Six months passed by and she still had his old pajamas and a beautiful picture of them, when she hugged him for a lovely Christmas photo; he was wearing a red sweater with a big Christmas reindeer and a red hat like Santa. She then jumped on his back and took the photo, kissing his cheek. That memory drifted in his mind, like a wave.

"You still have that?" he asks, picking up the picture.

"Yep. I couldn't throw it away... it is a pretty picture of us, a good memory. " her voice sounded sad for a moment.

"I still have our photos too... they remind me every day of what I've lost. " Leon sighed, leaving the said picture in the same place he picked up.

"You sounded a little masochist, not gonna lie" she laughs, sitting on her bed, looking at her ex-boyfriend. He glanced at her, smirking. "Although, I'm right here... and even though we're not together anymore, I think we can still be friends"

"You are too kind, I don't deserve you" Leon sat next to her, his hand slowly reaching hers. His heart started to beat faster inside his chest.

She then looks straight into his blue eyes. All she felt at that moment was a heated wave, burning her from inside. It entered her veins like poison. This was the effect he had on her, and the worst part of that was he knew. He always knew how her body craved entirely his touch, how her own body seemed to lose all the sense of wisdom. It felt like he had control of every part of her, and he knew that.

"I guess I'll sleep on the couch" Leon said, noticing her sudden silence.

"Yep, that's right" she nodded, feeling her cheeks turning red.

"I'll be going then. It's late, and you need to rest, anyway." Leon stands up, grabbing the blankets and the pillow.

"Good night, Leon" her voice sounded nervous for a bit. It was the result of the effect he still had on her.

Once he left her bedroom, she sighed heavily. It was a surprise to see him standing there so beautifully, glowing like a piece of the sun himself. All his grace, all the feelings he made her feel again, washing inside like the sea. It was like Leon was poetry she loved to read, the lines she could drown into and never get back to the surface. He was the sun that touched her skin and made her entire body shiver.

It was hard to resist that beautiful blue eyes, the same eyes that reminded her how happy and graceful life could be. Those eyes glow like a rare diamond and say everything his lips can't. She felt butterflies in her stomach, the same feeling when she saw him for the first time in Raccoon City.

She was so scared, and when her eyes found him, all she felt was an instant calm inside, like everything would be fine. And it was right. Everything made sense. They just used to belong to each other, Leon was her safe place, where she could run when she felt hopeless or afraid. She knew he was hers.

In the living room, he sat on the couch and started to think about their conversation. He couldn't help but smile, feeling a relief getting out of his shoulders. After six months of agony and suffering, he could at least sleep in peace. Leon removed his shirt, and when he grabbed the old gray shirt from his pajama, he saw her standing there, walking towards him, with a confident look in her eyes.

"I thought you were sleeping" his voice sounded a little hoarse.

"I can't, not when I know you're so close to me" she says, getting much closer to him, his breath reaching her face.

"Look, I can go home if you want" Leon replied, noticing how she glanced at him. It was pure desire.

"Do you still love me, Leon?" her question makes his heart beat faster inside his chest, and he knew for sure it would rip apart his skin and jump outside.

"I never stopped loving you" his voice is low and deep.

Her hand reaches his and gently, and she pushes him toward her bedroom. She didn't waste any time before pulling her lips into his like she needed that for her good. He felt a desire. He needed to have her all by himself, like his body was desperate for her touch. Sweet Jesus, how he missed her.

In the darkness of the room, the moon cast faint silver rays, like poetry dancing over their bodies, wrapped in whispering desires. She was the churning ocean, its waves crashing in melody, and he was the daring navigator who yearned to explore every curve and cove of her being. Her hands, like rose petals, sought the perfect encounter, sliding like ballerinas in a secret rhythm. The intertwined fingers, like branches of an ancient tree, explored hidden paths, deciphering mysteries written in the stars.

Their lips met in a sweet cosmic collision, like meteors in love in a starry sky. The kiss, a forbidden verse, told a story only they knew, a poem of lust and tenderness intertwined. Amid sighs soaked in a mist of pleasure, their bodies intertwined in a divine choreography, where each movement was a lascivious stanza. She was the burning flame. He was the glowing ember, and together, they formed a fire that consumed everything in its path.

Each touch was a living metaphor, a symphony of shivers, and muted moans. Their skins, intertwined like intertwined verses, merged in a frantic dance of passion. And there, in that forbidden dance, they discovered and gave themselves without reservations, unveiling the secrets of bodies that became one. And so, in a poetic ecstasy, time diluted into eternal seconds, and the world boiled down to that intimate scene of two beings that completed each other, like words and verses that intertwine to create an unforgettable poem. Nothing else existed beyond that moment when poetry became flesh, and love became the most beautiful of metaphors.

He, like a romantic poet, touches every inch of her skin like someone who writes eternal verses. His hands, dexterous and smooth, glided like silk feathers, unveiling the hidden secrets of her female geography. His lips, sweet as nectar, kissed her with the passion of a medieval troubadour.

And there, in that small universe of intimacy, their bodies surrendered to the pulsating rhythm of love. They were two thirsty souls, sailing on a sea of ​​pleasure, where each sigh was a song sung by passionate lovers.

Each touch was a caress that revealed a secret. And there, in that eternal night, their bodies and souls merged into one entity, transcending the barriers of time and space. And so, in that intimate scene, they became a living poem, written in the stars and whispered by the wind of passion. kiss was a promise of eternity. They surrendered to the game of seduction, like birds that intertwine in the sky, seeking to reach the sublime freedom of love.

And when it finally climaxed, it was as if the universe itself exploded into color and stars. Their bodies, entwined like branches of a leafy tree, found ecstasy in a moment that seemed to last forever.

Afterward, wrapped in a tender silence, they rested in her bed, hearts beating in unison. In that instant, they were more than lovers; they were poetry in the form of human beings, woven together by invisible threads of desire and love.

And there, in that eternal night, their bodies and souls merged into one entity, transcending the barriers of time and space. And so, in that intimate scene, they became a living poem, written in the stars and whispered by the wind of passion.

"I will always love you" he whispers, kissing her soft skin.

"Then don't go away again"

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 12

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Laurent gave Damen a long, pensive look and said, eventually, ‘Yes, the trap is closing and there is nothing else to be done.’

context: sarcasm. he would never admit this if it was true

An hour put several miles between them and the rest of Laurent’s men, and that was when Laurent pulled on a rein and circled his horse around Damen’s briefly; he was watching Damen as though he was waiting for something. ‘Think I’m going to sell you to the nearest Akielon troop?’ said Damen. Laurent said, ‘I’m quite a good rider.’ Damen looked at the distance that separated his horse from Laurent’s—about three lengths. It was not much of a head start. They were now circling each other.

i can’t tell if they’re genuinely questioning each other, or playfully proposing a race. honestly with them it’s probably both

also, do you think their horses are tired of their bullshit? do you think they’re falling in love too?

Relaxed in the sunlight, Laurent watched him approach, as one expecting an arrival welcome and familiar.

this is such a sweet moment. i hope nothing happens to interrupt it

It would feel so right to rejoin them, to emerge from the grey maze of Veretian politics, and return to something that he understood: the simplicity of knowing his enemy, and facing a fight. He turned. Laurent was watching him. He remembered Laurent sizing up the distance between two balconies and saying, ‘Probably,’ which, once appraised, had been enough for him to jump. He was looking at Damen with the same expression.

moment of truth damen!

He could take Laurent down the hill and deliver him into Akielon captivity. The desire to do that thrummed in his blood. Nothing was standing in his way. Damen pressed his eyes closed briefly. ‘You need to take cover,’ Damen said. ‘We’re inside their scouting lines. I can ride as lookout until they’ve moved on.’ ‘Very well,’ Laurent said, after a heartbeat passed with his eyes watching Damen steadily.

YAYYYYYYYY

He had to be cautious—not only for Laurent’s sake, but also his own. He was wearing Veretian clothing. Under normal circumstances, an encounter with an Akielon outrider would not be a threat to a Veretian. At worst, there would be some unpleasant posturing. But this was Makedon, and among his forces were the men who had destroyed Breteau. To men like that, Laurent would be a prize beyond measure.

wait damen i thought we were talking about your safety, not laurent’s. oh well

Damen returned to his horse, mounted, and picked his way carefully along the wide, rocky stream bank to the shallow cave that, to his searching eyes, appeared empty at first. It was a well chosen spot: the entrance was hidden from most angles, and the danger of discovery was low. An outrider’s job was simply to ensure the terrain was clear of any obstacles that might impede an army. It was not to check every crack and crevasse on the unlikely chance a prince might be squeezed in there. There was the dull rattle of hooves moving on stone; Laurent emerged from the shadows of the cave on horseback, his manner carefully casual.

he knew where to find him <3

Do you think I’d get on well with Nikandros of Delpha?

foreshadowing

The idea of Laurent let loose on the political landscape of northern Akielos did not make for appealing thoughts.

foreshadowing

‘I wouldn’t have to tell them you were a prince to sell you to that troop.’ Laurent held his ground. ‘Not really? I would have thought twenty was a little grown up for that. Is it the blond hair?’ ‘It’s the charming temperament,’ said Damen.

Though the thought existed: If I took him with me to Akielos, he wouldn’t be given as a prisoner to Nikandros. He’d be given to me.

if you’re curious about that scenario, damen, allow me to introduce you to a little website called ao3

(is there a fic about this happening at this specific point of the story? if not, there should be. they’ve built up their relationship so much and, if in character, damen would be mostly concerned with keeping laurent safe. kind of a like a reverse book 1 situation.)

If the tactic didn’t occur to Kastor, it would certainly occur to Jokaste.

i think they should give her an official role in the government. not that i like the akielion government. i just think she deserves a seat with all the other shitty people

Laurent said, ‘To get what you want, you have to know exactly how much you are willing to give up.’ He was regarding Damen steadily. ‘You think your delightful Lady Jokaste doesn’t know that?’

so laurent has totally figured out that jokaste specifically betrayed damen and sent him to vere. this is an underhanded reference to that. also this is a pretty good hint that laurent Knows

There was only one thing he could do. As the spray of water sheared up from under his horse, he hefted his sword, changed his grip, and threw. It was, emphatically, not a throwing weapon. It was six pounds of Veretian steel, forged for a two-handed grip. And he was on a moving horse, and many feet away, and the man was moving too, towards Laurent. The sword drove through the air and took the man in the chest, ramming him into the ground and pinning him there.

not the yeet of death...

‘I saw you fall.’ Damen heard the rough sound of his own voice. ‘Are you hurt?’ ‘No,’ said Laurent. ‘No, you got to him.’ He had pushed himself up into a splayed sitting position. ‘Before.’

i love this reaction. he’s dazed and in shock. he doesn’t elaborate on the “before.” it’s like he’s giving a status report, or at least trying to deliver it as such

Concerned with the possibility of injury, he was only distantly aware of Laurent looking back at him.

laurent might have just fallen a little tiny bit in love with you, damen. also literally fallen. ouch

‘Can you stand? We need to move out. It’s not safe for you here. Too many people want to kill you.’

and that’s a wrap on damen being reluctant to protect laurent! it’s down bad 24/7 pretty much from now on :)

He was staring at Damen.

damen: are you okay?? we've gotta get out of here

laurent:

‘I’m sorry,’ said Laurent. Then he said, ‘We can’t leave him here.’ He wasn’t talking about the horse. Damen said, ‘I’ll do it.’

this is an interesting contrast to the scene in book 1 where laurent remorselessly makes damen hold a guy so he can slit his throat. here, laurent apologizes. here, he says “we.” here, he doesn’t force damen to do it. and here, damen voluntarily does what needs to be done, so the recently-attacked laurent doesn’t have to.

When it was finished, he walked out of the undergrowth and found a place to clean his sword.

craft note: i like how this is written around the central action, instead of just naming the action itself. like it’s not just “so he killed the guy.” pacat tends to do this with sex, too.

It meant sharing a horse.

and there was only one horse…

Laurent’s gelding had a limp, which Laurent, on one knee, drawing a steady hand down its lower leg until it pulled its hoof up sharply, pronounced a sprained ligament. It could follow on a lead carrying the packs, he said. It couldn’t carry a rider.

horse girl laurent! saving this horse to make up for the one his uncle poisoned and forced him to mercy-kill in book 1!

So Damen swung into the saddle. A moment later he felt Laurent’s hand on his thigh. Laurent’s toe nudged into the stirrup. Laurent pushed up behind him, shifting until he was snug in position. His hips fitted unselfconsciously to Damen’s. Once he had settled, he clasped his arms around Damen’s midsection. Damen knew this about riding pillion: closer, it was easier on the horse.

LMAOOOO have fun with that guys

He heard Laurent’s voice from behind him, a little more oddly strapped-down than usual, ‘You have me over the back of your horse.’ ‘It’s not like you to give up the reins,’ Damen couldn’t help saying. ‘Well, I can’t see the way over your shoulders.’ ‘We could try some other arrangement.’ ‘You’re right: it should be me in front and you carrying the horse.’

this is adorable because they’re both very clearly flustered and not even bothering to hide it. they’re just bantering to avoid addressing it. laughing at the absurdity of the shared circumstances and their bodily reactions. it’s cute. they’re cute.

The horse’s rolling gait pushed their bodies together in constant rhythm.

i have never before considered the inherent eroticism of riding a horse with another person.

do you think their sexual tension freaks out the horse? do you think damen’s horse, who i’ve now decided is in love with laurent’s horse, is relieved that its injured partner has been brought along? are the horses qualified to file hr complaints, if damen and laurent get too weird with this? these are important questions.

Damen was aware that Laurent was taking more time with the horses than was necessary or usual. He ignored it.

this might be a strategy thing somehow, but i also think it’s sweet if laurent just takes comfort in the company of animals and is trying to make himself feel less shaken up after his near-death experience and the most sexually tense horse ride in recorded history

He would never know what had provoked that man to attack. Maybe he’d been thinking of the safety of his troop. Maybe whatever he had lived through at Tarasis or Breteau had stirred violence in him. Maybe he had just wanted to steal the horse. A third-rate soldier from a provincial troop; he would not have expected to meet his Prince, a commander of armies, and face him in a fight.

damen really did kill one of his people. damn. and he’s trying to be empathetic, because he’s damen, and that’s what he does.

‘I thought killing was easy for you,’ said Laurent. His voice was rather quiet. ‘I thought you did it without thinking.’

translation: are you okay?

‘I’m a soldier,’ said Damen, ‘and I have been for a long time. I’ve killed on the sawdust. I’ve killed in battle. Is that what you mean by easy?’

translation: i know i should be okay

‘You know it isn’t,’ said Laurent, in that same quiet voice.

translation: but you aren't

‘I know your feelings towards Akielos,’ said Damen. ‘What happened at Breteau . . . it was barbaric. I know it must mean very little to you to hear me say that I’m sorry for it. And I don’t understand you, but I know that war will bring worse, and you are the only person I have seen working to stop it. I couldn’t let him hurt you.’ ‘In my culture, it is customary to reward for good service,’ said Laurent, after a long pause. ‘Is there something you want?’

yeah guys this fireside heart-to-heart is totally all business. 100%

‘You know what I want,’ said Damen. ‘I am not going to release you,’ said Laurent. ‘Ask for something short of that.’ ‘Take off one of the wrist-cuffs?’ said Damen, who was learning—he realised somewhat to his surprise—what Laurent liked. ‘I give you too much leeway,’ said Laurent. ‘I think you give no more or less than you want to give, with anyone,’ said Damen, because Laurent’s voice had not been at all displeased.

what the fuck is wrong with them. i love them so much

(also, laurent not releasing damen is like a safety matter right now, right? for both of them, honestly, and their men. it's not like a flex of power.)

‘There is something I want.’ ‘Go on.’ ‘Don’t try to use me against my own people,’ said Damen. ‘If it comes to—I can’t do this again.’ ‘I would never have asked that of you,’ said Laurent. Then, when Damen looked at him with flat disbelief: ‘Not out of sweetness. There is little sense in pitting a lesser sense of duty against a greater one. No leader could expect loyalty to hold under those circumstances.’

1) i love this little hint of the “laurent is sweet” theme we see later on

2) the immediate certainty of “i’d never make you do that” really shows the real laurent, in a way we’ve rarely seen before. it’s like damen and the reader are finally being let in to the truth of him

3) “There is little sense in pitting a lesser sense of duty against a greater one. No leader could expect loyalty to hold under those circumstances.”

translation: i know that if you had to choose between me (the lesser duty) and your people (the greater one), it would be insane to expect you to choose me.

this reminds me of nicaise and laurent. as much as laurent tries to convince him otherwise, nicaise believes that laurent will always choose something more important than protecting him. neither of them expects anyone to stay by their side, or advocate for what they want and need. so they push people away instead and convince themselves that they’re meant to handle things alone.

‘I’ve never seen a throw like that,’ said Laurent. ‘I’ve never seen anything like it. Every time I see you fight, I wonder how it is Kastor got you in chains and onto a ship to my country.’

his big stupid heart

He had never, in those days, sought to put himself inside the mind of Kastor, of the men around him, their ambitions, their motivations; those who were not openly his enemies, he’d believed, were basically like himself.

NICE VS. GOOD THEME CENTRAL REALIZATION!! “those who were not openly his enemies, he’d believed, were basically like himself.” but here he is, having killed one of his own countrymen to protect the person who should be his worst enemy, reeling with the uncomfortable reality of his nation’s cruelty and forced to confront its victims. knowing, more and more every day, that he shares more values with laurent than he ever has with kastor or jokaste.

‘He poisoned my horse,’ said Laurent. ‘You saw her, the morning of the hunt. She was already feeling it, even before we rode out.’

something about laurent referring to the horse with “her” instead of “it” breaks my heart. he must have loved her.

‘That . . . was your uncle’s doing?’ The silence stretched out. ‘It was my doing,’ Laurent said. ‘I forced his hand when I had Torveld take the slaves to Patras. I knew when I did it . . . it was ten months to my ascension. Time was running out for him to make a definitive move against me. I knew that. I provoked him. I wanted to see what he would do. I just—’ Laurent broke off. His mouth twisted in a small smile that had no humour in it at all. ‘I didn’t think he’d really try to kill me,’ he said. ‘After everything . . . even after everything. So you see I can be surprised.’

what a huge re-contextualization of book 1. laurent hadn’t expected this consequence of his choice to honor damen’s request, but he had suffered it in silence instead of blaming damen or regretting the choice itself.

damen and laurent’s arcs both deal heavily with the idea of suffering alone—who’s doing it better, who deserves to do it, if they even need to suffer alone when they could suffer (and succeed) together instead. i’ll keep pulling at that thread as the reading goes on.

Damen said, ‘It’s not naive to trust your family.’ ‘I promise you, it is,’ said Laurent.

you guys are on opposite sides of a scale here. it’ll be good when you start balancing each other out

But I wonder, is it less naive than the moments when I find myself trusting a stranger, my barbarian enemy, whom I do not treat gently.’ He held Damen’s gaze, as the moment lengthened. ‘I know you’re planning to leave when this border fight is done,’ said Laurent. ‘I wonder if you’re still planning to use the knife.’ ‘No,’ said Damen. ‘We’ll see,’ said Laurent.

that laurent response is soooooo nicaise :’(

also, going from “whom i do not treat gently” to the eventual “i think if i gave you my heart, you would treat it gently” AHHHH

also also, laurent outright admitting that he trusts damen? and then saying that he’s still pretty sure damen is going to kill him with a knife, almost as if laurent deserves it? his brain is so mean to his heart

Damen looked away, his gaze raking the dark beyond the campsite. ‘You really think it’s still possible to stop this war from happening?’ When he looked back, Laurent nodded, a slight but steady and deliberate movement, the answer clear, unmistakable and impossible: Yes.

were you really expecting any other answer from mr. "probably"? or did you just want the reassurance of hearing/seeing him confirm it?

‘Why didn’t you call a halt to the hunt?’ said Damen. ‘Why ride and cover up your uncle’s treachery, if you knew your horse had been poisoned?’ ‘I—assumed it had been made to look as though one of the slaves had done it,’ said Laurent, a little quizzically, as though the answer was so obvious that he wondered if he had misunderstood the question.

again, laurent often seems to view his own suffering as deserved. like it’s a no-brainer. it’s a really interesting quality of his, that somehow exists at the same time as his self-assurance and strong moral conviction. maybe it’s because of that conviction that he’s so easily able to blame himself when he and/or the circumstances fall short of his moral standards.

He thought of Naos, who had been so certain. He wanted to lay the blame for what he felt on Laurent, but what he felt had no easy name, and in the end he said nothing at all, but banked the fire in silence, and when the time came he lay down on his roll to sleep.

he’s rounding a corner with the nice vs. good theme! i wouldn’t say it’s pleasant for damen to develop this kind of mistrust, but at least it makes him less delusional. and a certain amount of skepticism is important to keep yourself safe (said by someone like laurent, who has way more skepticism than a normal well-adjusted person)

He woke with a crossbow bolt in his face.

not a great way to wake up after a mini-crisis about trust issues

Damen now knew the precise number of arrows Laurent needed to have trained on him in order to shut him up. It was six.

He didn’t resist the gag either, though it came as a surprise; Damen saw his head jerk back a little, reflexively, as a cloth was shoved into his mouth.

gagging laurent is worse than taking his sword. his voice is his #1 weapon!