#i'm the executioner we can try again i missed the first time

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Feferi: nobody showed up to my public execution 38/ what the glub you guys 38/

Feferi: fine. whatever. whale they're beacheading me with a sword and you're all going to miss it.

Sollux: 2orry ii wa2 late, the traffiic wa2 awful

Rose: Sorry, I had the plague

Aradia: s0rry i c0uldn't make it, i'll be there f0r y0ur next 0ne 0u0

Dave: i'm already there but i'm hiding so i can steal your body afterwords for private dissections

Feferi: why do you guys have to be funnier than me with my own jokes?

[dawnbreakersgaze]

Lost in Your Echos -Prologue teaser

❥ ┊𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠; Dawnbreaker!Zayne × Hunter!Reader

❥ ┊𝐀𝐔; This one is gonna get weird folks. Canon Divergent as fuck, but will use a lot of the canon lore.

❥ ┊𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠; NSFW, reader is afab using she/her pronouns, reader's skin/hair/body will not be described (this will be Black reader friendly!!) violence, mentions of torture but no descriptions, beloved character deaths (I'm serious I'm gonna kill 'em), slow burn, obsessive behavior, Dawnbreaker is kind of a creep but he's trying he just doesn't know how, trauma, ptsd, nightmares/night terrors, poorly managed grief and depression, sexual situations (more specific tags for that when we get to those chapters later).

❥ ┊𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; In the far future, Dawnbreaker fights a lone man war against an ever growing hoard of human born wanderer abominations, spawned from an unchecked protocore sickness run rampant. 2 weeks after the death of Georgie, Zayne has an all too vivid dream of the Doctor that abruptly brings an end to his dreams of the Doctor and you.

Several months later, Detective Ivan reaches out to him again, informing him that a woman has come forward requesting help with information about the abominations. Knowing he can't help her, he sends Dawnbreaker her info and suggests Zayne meet up with her. What he finds shatters the delicate reality he has built for himself, but for the first time in his bleak life he can feel the warmth of the sun.

❥ ┊𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭; Lost in Your Echos

"It's you.” Truly the last place he expected to see the haunted expression of his own warped visage was in his once quiet office at Akso hospital, but Zayne already knew this was no ordinary meeting. The mid-morning sun shone through the open windows, washing everything in a beautiful golden glow, but there was no warmth to be found here.

How long had it been since he'd sat behind this desk? 6, 7, 8 weeks? Even now there was a force in his mind that wanted to drift to the many patients he'd left in the care of Dr. Greyson, and their varied outcomes, but the man that stood before him like a specter was the only thing left to take care of now. He wore his face, but so discordant were the expression and mannerisms that they made every part of his being feel like he was staring down the executioner.

This was his grim reaper.

He'd experienced his presence a hundred times in his dreams, yet nothing in those half lucid moments compared to this. 

“You've come for me then, finally.” He watched the unchanging face of his twisted reflection for any sign of recognition or acceptance. Instead, the apparition finally spoke, his expression as frigid as his tone. 

“You called me here.” His voice was quieter than the Doctor's, with the slight rasp of disuse, but otherwise, he thinks they sound too similar for his liking. Zayne watches as the figure cut in black shifts, movements awkward like he takes up space in a room he is not part of. He is a person all too real in a dream or simulation, and it reminds Zayne that his own body is slipping from his grasp. 

“I didn't call anyone here. I'm not even sure where ‘here’ is. If you're not the grim reaper then who exactly are you, and where are we?” Zayne doesn't miss the slightest crinkle of the other's eyes at the use of his macabre ‘nickname’, but all the same he doesn't object.

With a small effort he stands, the unease in his gut growing and gnawing as he realizes now they are exactly the same height as well. It didn't bother him before how perfectly stacked all the logs were, or how healthy all the plants looked. How all the pillows on the couch were fully fluffed and every photo on his desk was fingerprint free. However, the longer he stood here in the eerie silence with his doppelganger, the more his surroundings began to feel suffocating and uncanny. He knows his heart should be racing with the discomfort he's experiencing yet it felt alarmingly calm. His fingers itched to call the familiar ice for his own protection only to find the terrifyingly numb sensation of nothingness. 

He really was dead. But what about-

“I was dreaming.” The other starts softly, temporarily snapping Zayne from his spiral. “I saw… us in an explosion and we called out for help. I …. reached out.” The caution and cadence in his voice made him sound confused, and Zayne follows his flickering gaze downward as they both look to his trembling hands that now tightly grip the photo that sat on his desk of the two of you in your finest evening wear at his last award ceremony dinner. Your smile, so radiant and warm, was forever seared into his memory. This seemed so long ago now. Had the last few months truly aged you both that much?

Wait, when did he even grab this?

No, that didn't matter. He didn't have time to waste now. If he could reach out to him then maybe-

“Can you reach out to her? Is she still alive?” Zayne no longer cared to police his tone or expression, and the reaction of his double was proof enough as he watched his eyes blow wide for just a second. He could feel the frantic tone cracking in his throat like a fading fire but pushed forward despite the strain, slamming his free hand on the desk between them, alarmed by the lack of pain or feedback from it. “Like you are right now with me? She was with me in the-”

“I saw her, yes.” There is a consuming reverence on his tongue when he speaks of you, and if Zayne had any other option, he'd have gladly taken it over him at this moment. The way his eyes soften and soothe at the mere mention of you is enough to trip more than one warning flag, but he lacks the time you desperately need. He knows he's not the first man to die for you, and while he doesn't understand what this body double even is, he's a wise enough man to know his own heart. His own devotion to you, left unchecked, could border on obsession. 

He has no choices left. There is no more time, and his only parting gift to you is hopefully giving you the time necessary to make your plan work. So many had put their faith in you, himself included, and he would be a fool to look this 11th hour gift in the eye and deny its aid. 

Xavier, Jeremiah, Caleb, Thomas, Yvonne… so many more names of the lost had faded from his memory and the thought made him sick, the ghost of the taste of bile on the back of his tongue. How many had he forgotten already? 

“Do it. Please.” Voice raw, he begged. For you, he begged the grim reaper. 

[urfictional]

𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 – 𝐤𝐚𝐳 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐤𝐤𝐞𝐫

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

summary: there's a new face in ketterdam and kaz will be forced to strike a deal with the devil in order to get what he desires

warnings: blood, blood, and again blood, mentions of torturing, did I mention blood? my bad writing

A/N: I'd like to say that this is my first time writing a fic but then I would be kind of lying because a while ago I started to write a Kaz Brekker fanfiction on Wattpad. BUT. this is my first time writing a short fic, so we'll see how it goes.

also, English is not my first language so bear with the mistakes (I'm sure that there are some)

It’s hard to earn a name for yourself in the Barrel. You essentially start from nothing and then slowly brick by brick you start to grow your empire. You spill sweat and blood to achieve the goal and from then it only takes so little to remain at the top. It’s simple. One just needs to show the power that they hold. And Y/N has power.

Kaz Brekker was wondering. Standing in a dark room with fancy furniture, his Crows, Inej and Jesper, behind him. He was wondering from where she came from. The girl, approximately his age. Just a few months ago, the Barrel practically swarmed with rumors about a girl that Ketterdam hadn’t seen yet. No one knows from where she came from, or who she is. If Kaz has to think, he even doesn’t know her name.

She has many names but none of them is her real one. At least Kaz thinks that the girl that is sitting in front of him couldn’t possibly be called the Executioner. On the other hand, who knows this is the Barrel. A perfect place for weird people.

“You surprise me Kaz Brekker.” Even her voice sounded mysterious. It was confident, powerful and Kaz caught himself thinking that he could listen to her voice till death finally takes him. “You came to my house, walk through my corridors and now your dirty boots are staining my Persian rug and the only thing that you tell me is that you want to strike a deal that would make us acquaintances.”

Kaz didn’t utter a word. He watched the girl and the girl watched him. Her feet were resting on her desk and she comfortably leaned into the chair. She smirked.

While the Y/H/C haired girl was staring at Kaz, Jesper let his eyes closely inspect the girl. In a weird way, she reminded him of Kaz. Perfectly tailored clothes, black dress shirt, and grey west. Dress pants and heeled boots on her feet that laid crossed at her ankles on the desk’s surface. Her Y/H/C hair made into a tight knot at the back of her head. The only thing missing was leather gloves and cane.

“People who hold power in the Barrel should have acquaintances who do the same.” Kaz would be lying if he said that he wasn’t nervous about this meeting. He has heard stories about this girl, stories that possibly are nasty rumors, yet you never know. This is the Barrel after all.

She let out an amused laugh.

“And you count yourself as one?” She raised her eyebrows, an amused smile present on her face. “An acquaintance who holds power in the Barrel?” Y/N waited for Kaz to say something, to defend his honor yet he stayed quiet. She smirked while standing up. “Congratulations, you just passed the first test.”

Y/N needed to know if Kaz Brekker really is the Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel. She won’t let the boy know all her secrets and ways how she works if he isn’t half of what Ketterdam claims him to be.

“Though I have to ask.��� She stopped millimeters away from him. Y/N could feel the ragged breath of his that made her furrow her eyebrows and tilt her head a little. She looked into his eyes and stepped one step away from him. “If you claim that people who hold power in the Barrel need to, say, familiarize with others. What about Pekka Rollins? Hmm?” She watched how Kaz visibly stiffened upon that name. She smirked. Y/N got what she wanted. “I hope you will pass the next test, for I would be glad to make you an acquaintance.” With that Y/N walked past the trio towards the door. “Follow me.”

From outside, the building seemed to look like any other building on this street. Yet when the group made the turns for what seemed like a thousand times, they realized that the exterior is just an illusion. The Crows followed the girl down the steps and judging by the fact that there were no windows, and the air was a tad humid, they were in a basement.

They walked down a corridor. Kaz noted that there were doors every few meters on the left side. It looked awfully like a prison down here. Y/N walked past one door but then stopped causing the group to halt. She walked back towards the doors she just passed and opened the latch in the door. A small window with bars allowed to see inside the room yet the group couldn’t see anything from the position where they were standing.

They could hear a chain rattling and groaning which forced Kaz to think that there was someone in there.

“Well, have you changed your mind?” Her tone was demanding. Kaz observed her side profile. Sharp eyes and clenched jaw, he wondered if this is how he looked when he demanded something and didn’t accept no for an answer. The group heard more chain rattling and louder groan that sounded awfully like no with a couple of colorful words that were no doubt directed towards the girl. Y/N smirked. “As you wish.”

She went to close the latch when she glanced at the group on her left. Then without closing it moved forward along the corridor. Y/N purposely left the window open, she wanted Kaz to see with what kind of devil he is making the deal.

While walking past the doors Kaz glanced inside and visibly gulped. A man in his late thirties was hanging by his hands from the ceiling, his feet barely touching the ground. He was bleeding from, well, everywhere, and by the looks of it, he has been here for a long time. He was barely alive, and it seemed hasn’t eaten for weeks. Kaz wondered if behind all those doors were hanging men or even women.

“Do they even get food or water?” Inej was troubled by the scene that she saw behind the doors and couldn’t help but to be a tad concerned.

Y/N glanced behind her before turning to face the front again.

“When I remember, they do.” She nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders. They turned a corner and continued to walk along another hallway. The girl turned to throw a smirk towards the Suli girl. “I am a tad forgetful; you know. Can’t always remember all those poor souls that need feeding.”

So, then there were more people down here. Kaz suddenly wondered how many of them were still alive and how many were just hanging dead.

The group reached the end of the corridor. They were met with a man who was undoubtedly guarding the doors. With one nod from the girl in front of them, the guard opened the doors and let them inside.

This room was bigger than the previous cell that they saw. The walls were lined with cabinets that contained things, starting from various kinds of weapons to bottles of different sizes and colorful liquids.

“How’s our guest feeling today?” The Crows turned to where Y/N was standing in front of a man who, much like the previous prisoner, was hanged by his hands from the ceiling. The only difference was that there were also chains on his feet and he was hovering above the ground. Kaz observed the room and noticed three men standing on the sides. More guards. “Did the acid did its work?”

The Y/H/C-haired girl walked towards the table on her left. She was slowly unrolling the sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows. After she was done Y/N picked up a bottle inspecting it.

“The man at the market said that it's pretty effective.” Only now Kaz noticed the burn marks on the prisoner’s body. One of the guards stepped forward.

“He didn’t utter a word.”

Y/N tsked while shaking her head in disappointment. She then turned to the hanging man.

“This is not how we work, darling, you know that.” The mock concern in the girl’s voice caused Kaz to shiver slightly. “Such a pretty face ruined for nothing. I can give you one more chance.”

The prisoner raised his head and looked at the girl in front of him. Y/N could easily live without the information that this man could give her but then it wouldn’t be interesting anymore. Any kind of information even the smallest one about the people of Ketterdam could turn out to be useful. You just need to find the right way, the right place and time.

“I am bound by an oath, I won’t tell you anything. Even if I’ll have-”

“-have to die, yeah, yeah don’t I know it.” Y/n interrupted the man by rolling her eyes. “You’re pathetic.”

The Crows braced themselves after what came next. The hanging man mustered all the strength that was in him and spit the blood that was in his mouth right into her face. The guards launched forwards, but Y/N raised her hand halting them in their steps.

Kaz watched how the girl was trying to calm her breathing the muscles of her back stiffened. He admired the control that this girl possessed. Not many people that Kaz knew would have such a perfect grip of themselves. Hell, even Kaz himself sometimes dropped the controlled behavior behind and acted a little reckless.

Y/N slowly turned around and the group of three could see the specks of blood on her face mixed with spit.

“Alright, if this is how you want to play. Let’s play.” She pulled out a cloth from her vest pocket and walked to her left where a small mirror was hanged on the wall.

When she was done cleaning her face, she walked back to stand in front of the prisoner. One of the guards walked beside her and handed something that reminded Kaz of a sheathed sword. Y/n took the handle and pulled out a long shiny sword. It was very long, it even was longer than Jesper’s arm. It looked heavy but she held it like it was light as a feather.

“I have always admired the old weapons.” She turned to face the Crows. “All those revolvers, pistols, and bombs, they are boring.” The girl extended her arm and pointed her sword at Kaz while smirking. “There is something about swords and weapons that have sharp and pointy things that excite me.” She glanced at the Suli girl on Kaz’s right. “Wouldn’t you agree with me?”

Inej couldn’t get anything past her lips, so she opted with just a nod.

Y/N lowered the sword and Kaz dared to breathe again. He didn’t even notice that he was holding his breath.

“There is nothing more exciting than feeling the sword digging in the flesh. Feeling the muscles breaking when you turn the sword-” She suddenly looked up at the group and offered a half-embarrassed smile. “Sorry.”

Then the smile disappeared, and she turned to walk closer to the hanged man.

“Let’s play a game. Heads or tails, Kaz Brekker?” Kaz looked up startled and watched how the girl turned to face him, any sign of the embarrassed smile long gone. Two steely eyes were staring into his soul waiting for his answer. “Heads or tails?”

“Tails.”

Kaz knew that it was something to do with the way how the girl is going to kill the man. There was no point in trying to get away from that. The man is going to die anyway. With or without Kaz’s answer.

“Tails.” She smirked while turning to the hanged man. “This is your lucky day. You’ll be able to see me perfectly in the last seconds of your life.” Then she turned to face the Crows once more. “I have many names, yet only one of them is true. I am an Executioner.”

Kaz watched how she turned her head and raised her sword. With one swing sideways, the sword cut through the hanged man detaching the top half from the bottom separating him just above the waist. Kaz could hear Jesper cursing from his left and Inej taking in a sharp breath from his right. But Kaz did not let his eyes wander from the girl whose arm was still extended with the sword. The blood dripping from the weapon and the top half of the dead man.

“This part is my favorite.” Y/N lowered the sword and grasped the hilt in both hands, she supported the tip of the sword against the ground like a cane. Now the only thing missing is leather gloves. Jesper thought while watching the girl who yet again looked exactly like Kaz. “His brain hasn’t fully comprehended the pain and the fact that half of him is missing. Last seconds before he dies, he sees my face and wishes he had done otherwise.” Kaz couldn’t see her face, but he imagined a contented smile resting on her face. “The silent art. What could be more beautiful than this?”

Y/N turned around to face the Crows. One of the guards walked closer with the empty sheath. She cleaned the sword before taking the sheath and putting the sword in it. With the sheathed weapon in one hand, Y/N walked closer to the group of three. She stopped before Kaz and squinted her eyes while inspecting him. Satisfied with whatever she saw, the girl smirked.

“Congratulations. You managed to keep everything inside. So did your friends.” She looked from Inej to Jesper then back at Kaz with a cheeky smile. “Some people have the need to display their previous meals. I’m not a fan of those people.” She then pointed at the guards behind her. “Nor are they. Because, well, they are the ones that are cleaning everything.”

Kaz forced himself to not look at the hanging body behind the girl, not a second longer, otherwise, he too will have the need to display the meal he had earlier this day. He was surprised how Jesper managed to hold himself together. Kaz took a mental note to ask him that after they will be done here.

Soon they left the basement and followed the girl back upstairs. They arrived in the room they previously were in. Y/N walked to the cabinet on the left and placed the sheathed sword on a stand. Then she walked to the front of the desk and her hands crossed on her chest leaned against it.

“Well? You still want to make the deal?”

Kaz knew that there is a possibility that he will regret the decision but there was one thing that forced him to not think about this possibility. There was a reason she mentioned Pekka Rollins. And that reason was simple, she wanted him gone just as much as he. If that wouldn’t be the case, she wouldn’t have bothered with all this play. Therefore, Kaz firmly nodded his head forcing a smirk to appear on the girl’s face.

She stood straight and extended her hand, waiting for Kaz to shake it.

For a moment he hesitated, but then slowly extended his hand and felt her fingers wrap around his leather-clad hand.

And so, the devil made deal with the devil.

A/N: aight let me know what you think. ;))

[haleigh-sloth]

Hello,

I just found your page and after reading some of your mha posts had a couple things I wanted to ask if that's ok.

1. Since you feel Hawks is not justified because he could have chosen options other than killing Twice, do you think he would have been had he genuinely been made to choose between killing him and saving others? I.e. do you think it's just this killing in particular that was not justified and thus murder, or do you think heroes killing can never be justified, even if in self-defense or defense of others? If we take the "Heroes save people" maxim to its limits, it might be reasonable to argue for a deontological approach to ethics rather than a utilitarian one, so that killing one to save others is not justified because you actively break your code (as opposed to risking not being able to save others, which would be considered a lesser moral wrong under this mindset).

2. This might very well be a stupid question, but if we consider that heroes shouldn't treat others as an it and put them down for the "sake of society", do you feel this ought to extend to AFO too? I really don't mean to use this as a gotcha moment or anything like it, but I feel like if MHA is trying to move away from a punitive justice system in favour of a rehabilitative/restorative one, we ought to consider where people like AFO fall into this system as well. AFO is seemingly entirely unlike any of the other villains in the show, but if we judge that he deserves a different fate for this it also feels like playing into the "Some people just can't be saved" notion that's been perpetuated by hero society. It is of course entirely possible, if not likely, that he'll fall in battle, or that Shigaraki himself will kill him eventually, but I feel like that skirts the issue rather than answer it. As someone who does not seem to show any remorse, desire or even ability to be saved, and in fact feels rather inhuman, what should a reformed society even do with him? Even if we could convincingly argue him to be fundamentally different and thus deserving of punishment, it is much easier for us readers who have more information to make this call, rather than in-universe characters whose judgement will inevitably be based on something less than the full truth. So even if AFO's case in particular was easily answered, it would set a precedent for cases that may appear similar, but in truth be less clear cut. Basically, I believe you feel the villain league deserves another chance because they were victims of their circumstances, and thus not necessarily beyond salvation, because they never knew normality to begin with, but what about those who were not victims, those who by their nature have insurmountable trouble fitting into a peaceful society? Perhaps it's just my mistaken assumption that such people exist and I'm reading AFO wrong, or perhaps it's the opposite and I'm giving people like AFO undue consideration, or perhaps my assumption that AFO ought to be treated as a person rather than a carocature, a symbol, is flawed to begin with, but I just really don't think a manga that wants to argue that villains are people too should go "but here's THIS vile piece of shit, let's kill him!". Am I making sense here?

3. On another note, what do you think of Endeavor's recent speech and general recent development? I've seen some people who were upset by his "Would it fix everything if we showed you our tears" line, but rather than him being dismissive or callous I just see it as him awkwardly saying that he doesn't think anything other than actions can help him atone for what he did. He's still got a lot to work through, but him recognizing that he's got something to atone for and freely talking about what he did to his family is, as I find, certainly a huge step in the right direction.

WHOO hey! Sorry for taking a while to respond. You gave me some really well thought-out questions and I wanted to return the favor with well thought-out answers. Also I was heckin busy yesterday when you sent this. So, here we go:

To answer this question about Hawks, I first need to clarify what it means to be a hero in the eyes of the story that is BNHA:

This honestly doesn’t even make a dent in the amount of panels in BNHA that reiterate time and time again that heroes SAVE people, but I don’t feel like I should have to spend too much time looking for them, these I used above should suffice. The one with baby Midoriya and baby Tenko doesn’t even have any words in the panel, and it’s still powerful enough to get the message across. And make me cry.

Almost every story has its own “heroes” in it. And every story’s definition of a hero is different. In Marvel and DC superhero comics and movies, the heroes usually end up killing the villains, yes? I can’t say I’m familiar with these stories because they aren’t interesting to me in the slightest, but from the ones I HAVE seen, the final boss at the end dies. But all of the heroes get to keep their title of “hero”. That’s not really the standard we have in BNHA.

“Do you think it's just this killing in particular that was not justified and thus murder, or do you think heroes killing can never be justified, even if in self-defense or defense of others?”

So this is a fair point and I feel that the best way to answer this is by asking what you consider self defense? Say Hawks is at home mad chillin and not prepared for a fight in the slightest, and somebody breaks into his house and starts trying to hurt/kill him. He’s unprepared and at this point just trying to keep himself alive. If he ends up killing the guy, is he wrong? In my opinion, no. In real life this happens to people, and they aren’t considered murderers, as they shouldn’t be. To me, self defense is a situation where:

It’s either you or me. It’s one or the other.

I think it’s fair to say what happened with Hawks and Twice was absolutely NOT self defense. I’m not going to go into detail about how deciding to kill Twice was absolutely 100% premeditated, because there’s a wonderful post by someone else that already explains that in great detail here. But I’ll end this thought by saying that Hawks was not committing an act of self defense.

Nothing about this says “self-defense” to me.

“If we take the "Heroes save people" maxim to its limits, it might be reasonable to argue for a deontological approach to ethics rather than a utilitarian one, so that killing one to save others is not justified because you actively break your code (as opposed to risking not being able to save others, which would be considered a lesser moral wrong under this mindset).”

To make it simple for some people to understand these terms:

“Utilitarianism is an ethical theory that determines right from wrong by focusing on OUTCOMES.“ In a nutshell, utilitarian ethics means you make a decision based on how it will affect everything else.

“In moral philosophy, deontological ethics or deontology is the normative ethical theory that the morality of an action should be based on whether that action itself is right or wrong under a series of rules, rather than based on the consequences of the action.” In a nutshell, deontological ethics means you make a decision based on whether it follows rules or not.

So this is a complicated question, and my answer to this is....both? Throughout BNHA we’ve had this dilemma over and over again:

Break the rules and save the day? Or follow the rules and possibly suffer the consequences? Well, BNHA just says “Yes” lol. Do both. Break the rules and save the day. Make a decision based on the consequences of said decision, but also try to follow the rules as best as you can. Even in reality, people do this to get through life. You really can’t live life under a strict utilitarian approach or a strict deontological approach. If Midoriya hadn’t persisted against his classmates and the law to go save Bakugo, he WOULD have gotten kidnapped AGAIN. They were actively trying to take him with them. If Midoriya didn’t break the rules to save Kota, Kota would have straight up DIED. Muscular was actively trying to kill Kota, not to mention Kota had zero ways of defending himself. But here’s where I don’t think this is a fair comparison:

Hawks claims his killing of Twice was to save others. I don’t completely disagree with this logic, if the situation was more dire and dangerous for Hawks. The league was taking peoples’ lives. Somebody had to do something. The problem is that Twice was RUNNING AWAY when Hawks killed him. Twice wasn’t fighting Hawks back, he wasn’t endangering Hawks himself. Hawks stabbed him in the back. AND Hawks had Dabi to worry about, who was actively trying to attack Hawks. But Hawks chose to murder Twice instead of fending off Dabi. And if you refer back to the post I linked above about how it was a premeditated decision to kill Twice, you’ll see that Hawks had the capability of knocking Twice unconscious. He should have done this from the get go. And honestly? There are other heroes who could have captured Twice. There SHOULD have been other heroes to capture Twice. If Hawks was the only hope for the heroes in that war then jeez, the heroes suck at their jobs.

So TLDR for this question: Hawks’s circumstances were not drastic enough for him to be justified in killing Twice. As I said above, self-defense is one thing, where yes I could understand how if a life is lost while defending oneself is probably inevitable in some cases. But this wasn’t self defense. Twice was running away. Hawks should also be able to rely on his hero comrades to help him out.

Instead Hawks chose to be law-enforcement, judge, and executioner all in one moment.

I hope this answers your question? I tried my best. If I misunderstood or missed a talking point, feel free to shoot me a message or another ask.

Next question:

Believe me. I have thought about this! What about AFO? He’s human too isn’t he? You have a point. Should the restorative justice system extend to AFO? I would say yes. If I’m going to stick to my guns that the villains deserve restorative justice and not punitive justice, I should be fair and say it should extend to all villains.

The problem is not in the idea of exploring saving AFO, it’s just that there simply isn’t enough time to explore this in the story. If Horikoshi had said “I’m not going anywhere guys! We’re in this for the long haul!” I’d say it’s possible to explore that route. We don’t know anything about AFO except from what we’ve seen on screen, and what we’ve been told by All Might and the other OFA holders. Which still isn’t much to go on. You’re not giving AFO undue consideration. It’s definitely a deserved consideration. There are people in the story (and the real world) who may not be victimized in any way and end up being villains. Do they deserve a chance? I’d say yes. It’s in my nature as a social worker irl to give people the benefit of the doubt and give them a chance to learn. You’re right that in the end, the league being saved and the characters not considering what could have led AFO to villainy is just “skirting around the problem.” And honestly, that’s probably what we’re going to get. I wouldn’t be surprised for the thought to pass in Midoriya’s head. After saving somebody like Shigaraki, who everybody in the story (and many readers) considered to be “too far gone”, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Midoriya entertained the thought for a brief moment. “What could have saved AFO from himself?” So honestly I don’t have an answer to this question that qualifies both sides. I can’t say that AFO is “too far gone” without undermining that fact that I never believed Shigaraki was “too far gone”, simply because we don’t get to decide what “too far gone” is.  All I can say is that in the eyes of the story, there are far too many differences between AFO’s circumstances and Shigaraki’s circumstances to compare the two, and say they deserve the same type of sympathy from us readers.

Truly I have no sympathy for AFO, because the story doesn’t ask for it. The story wants sympathy for Shigaraki, Toga, Touya, Spinner, and even a tiiiiiny bit for Overhaul. It asks for NONE for AFO.

Another post I’ll link here that isn’t by me but by another awesome meta blogger (@hamliet​) is this.

In a nutshell it says:

It’s not that AFO can’t be saved, it’s that he won’t. That’s the best answer I can give to that question honestly.

As for the third question:

That press conference was just...eh. I mean yeah, Endeavor not denying the allegations was good. Not that he really could anyway. It sucks for the rest of his family though. But at the same time Touya deserved his revenge, even though it was at the expense of his siblings and mother. It sucks, it’s a double edged sword because somebody is hurting no matter what was gonna happen. Endeavor was an asshole to that lady but I don’t really care too much. I’m really torn on what I think is going on inside Enji’s head because the Todofam is either extremely dense, or Horikoshi is writing their dialogue extremely vague on purpose to keep reader’s on the edge of their seats regarding what they want to do about Touya. I really don’t know. I’m not thrilled with the way the Todofam plot is being written right now, even though I’m 100% sure Touya is going to get his happy ending. But right now anything to do with the Todofam that isn’t Shoto and Touya just bothers me. I don’t think Enji really understands yet what he has to do for Touya. Yes he recognizes that he has to atone, but he’s not recognizing HOW he has to atone. Right now he’s still stuck in that “I have to be a hero to absolve my crimes against my family” headspace and I don’t think he’s going to get out of that headspace until he comes face to face with his son and realizes that he can’t just fight villains and go home to a happy family that he terrorized for 20 years. He’s going to have to let his family go, let them decide when to let him back in, if they ever do (I think they will just because of the way the story is being written.) As a reader, Enji is just a character that I cannot vibe with, no matter what happens. I definitely appreciate his role in the story. His role is vital to Touya’s saving and redemption. Touya is in my top 3 favorite characters from this series and I’m emotionally invested. So while I appreciated Enji’s role in the story, I don’t like his character or anything to do with him, at least until it comes time to help save his son. Also the trio of Hawks, Best Jeanist, and Enji just gives me major back the blue vibes and I just can’t read their chapters and be in a good mood lol.

Thank you for the ask! I hope I answered everything! This was fun to answer!

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

(Y/N) POV

"You mean to say that you managed to convince Marie to transfer from the survey corps just two days before the expedition?" Hanji asked me with disbelief. "Yes" I simply answered. "Well, we don't even have time for replacement... Why exactly did you do that? And don't bring up the reports on her endangering the squad. If that bothered you, you would've done this earlier." Hanji asked in a flat tone. "I thought I could make her obedient. However, if she has the guts to try to open her shirt and try to seduce my husband, I don't think she would ever listen to me. I need obedient soldiers in my squad, not people who try to steal their superior's husband." I answered with the same flat tone.

"Huhhhhhh? That bitch did that? Oh sorry.. I keep forgetting that I'm the commander now and I should be.. Ahem... A bit more reasonable but yes, Marie will be transferred to the Garrison tomorrow as getting the paperwork done would take time. I have sent the papers to Commander Pixis already before talking to you because I knew that you must have a reason for making this decision." Hanji answered giving me a mischievous glint. I gave her a victorious smirk of my own because I got an useless burden off my shoulder. I went back to the stable and saddled my horse to go back home. Hanji was in Utopia district with her squad.

She left for Utopia 3 days before the expedition. Marie gave me her letter requesting transfer only a few hours after the talk we had at my office. I left for Utopia with Levi and Farlan that evening. Levi and I had dropped off Farlan at Historia's Orphanage on our way to Utopia. It was an 11 hour journey and so, we reached Utopia at dawn. The first thing we did was send the letter to Hanji's office by a cadet, take a small nap, had breakfast and went straight to Hanji's office. It was already afternoon when I was called to talk to Hanji. We already were done with lunch by then. "So, how did that go?" Levi asked me. He was already in the stable when I arrived, his horse ready to go. "It was alright. Hanji approved of the transfer. We just have to go back and I'll see that everything goes smoothly." I answered, as I saddled my horse.

Levi answered with a "hmm" and was silent till I was done with the saddling. "Do you want to see how Farlan is doing on our way?" Levi asked me. I personally felt uneasy not having Farlan near me, given that I spent every second of my time home with him. I knew that Levi felt odd too as he always looked after Farlan whenever I was cooking or cleaning or busy with something. "Yeah. That's a good idea." I muttered as we both got up on our horses and galloped out of the stable and out of the scout regiment branch.

"(Y/N) SAN!" the kids in the orphanage yelled happily as they ran towards me. I didn't see them for a while and so, didn't mind when they all tackled me to the ground. "Oi calm down! I already have to fight titans and having to fight you kids now aren't helping!" I told them trying to sound irritated but the smile on my face betrayed me. "Oi brats. Get off her." Levi walked towards them and they all got off me immediately. Obviously, they were all scared of him. "(Y/N)! Welcome back!" a smiling Historia came towards me from inside the orphanage as we stood at the yard. She had Farlan in her arms.

"Yeah... I just had to see Farlan before going." I muttered with a smile as I took Farlan from her arms. "He's doing very well so far. The kids love him." Historia smiled at me. "Thank you for taking care of him. I'd not trust anyone about this besides Hanji and Mikasa." I answered her with a smile. Levi was already beside me and took Farlan from me. "We will be late if we delay more now." he muttered, holding Farlan. "Yeah... We have to keep going..." I muttered sadly. I wasn't ready to leave Farlan alone for so long, that for a life threatening expedition. I trusted mine and Levi's ability to survive though. I kissed Farlan's forehead before Levi handed him to historia again. We bade eachother farewell before going back on our way.

The next day

I woke up at dawn. Levi woke up a little later after I was done making breakfast. The expedition would start today. After taking a bath, a very long one since we won't be able to do that for 3 days. We both dressed in our new uniforms, ones that were heavily insulated to protect us from the bitter cold. Green overcoats with a fur lining inside, our usual white pants as they are warm enough and fingerless gloves to protect our hands from frostbite but retain the perfect grip on our swords. Our boots were good enough to keep the cold out of our feet. Wearing earmuffs weren't an option as that would hinder our ability to hear clearly and decrease survival rate further.

It was assumed that all the titans that aren't already killed are either abnormals or ones that were too weak to travel to the executioner from hell or didn't go there by chance. Dealing with abnormals are much much harder than normals. The districts in wall Maria were safe as the gates were sealed in every district, even in Shiganshina. That bastard beast titan did that one thing right. It would take us 20 hours to travel half of wall Maria as we intend to, however, we cannot leave one spot missed. There's a chance that we could encounter the beast titan, the cart titan and Reiner. We just couldn't afford to leave a small area untouched. We could fight for 10 hours before the sun sets. The first expedition is solely to take out any titans, not the shifters, however, you can never be too careful. We usually kept our horses at a small shed we made in our yard.

After saddling the horses, we galloped towards the headquarters, I went to the supply room to get mine and Levi's gear. We were a bit late as Levi insisted on getting clean properly and bathed for nearly an hour. Levi was assembling all the soldiers in our team and asked me to get his gear for him. Just as I was at the entrance of the supply room, I saw Marie getting out of there. "Oi Marie. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be going to the Garrison barracks?" I asked her with suspicion. "Yes. I was taking my gear." she answered simply before she left.

"Why didn't she do it earlier? Was this intentional? Did she mess with mine or Levi's gear? No... I did her a huge favour by not ruining her career. Anyone with common sense knows that there's still a high chance that I'd survive with a messed up gear, a higher chance for Levi. No one in the right mind would try to sabotage my gear. That's practically ruining their lives by themselves." I thought as I strapped onto my gear and walked out of the room with Levi's. There wasn't any time to check the gear now. There's 30 minutes left till 6am. We need to be going now.

"Listen you all. I will be repeating the plan once again. Once we all get in position, the team furthest, the one near the wall Maria would shoot flare signals. The closest to them would do the same and it will go on till it reaches the members closest to Trost. The same will be done in the opposite way to indicate the start of the expedition. Levi heichou and I would be in the middle. If squad 1-4 faces any major problem, notify Levi heichou as you all are under him. He will be in squad 5, closest to you. Squad 7-9 would do the same but with me. I'll be in squad 6. Use smoke signals to contact any of us the same way we would start the expedition.

If the issue isn’t major, use red signals to ask back up from the closest team. If the issue is major, use black signals and we will be there as soon as possible. If a snow storm starts, retreat immediately near wall Rose. We will be moving in a straight line and so, we will all be able to meet at one point in that case. The teams furthest from wall Rose will have to cover a distance of about 1508km in this expedition. We would have to adjust our speed with that. Every one hour, we would shoot green smoke signals that would be used at the start of the expedition too to help everyone detect each squad's position. Speed will be adjusted according to that.

The signals will start from the squad closest to wall Maria, and the other team will adjust to their speed and position and shoot a signal again and so forth. The formation cannot be broken at any cost. We will travel 503 km each day, search every spot for titans. It would generally take about 7 hours to travel that distance each day but we need to make sure no titan slips our hand. We would take a look inside every city, every building, and make sure no titan escapes our sight. The supply wagons will be stationed with squad 5 and 6 as those are the most heavily guarded squads. Squad 1 and squad 2 will be moving together when we are near the districts and will separate as the districts end. Just one more advice to you all, stay alive." I lectured the soldiers.

We were on top of Wall Rose, a cold wind blowing and a somewhat calm atmosphere. The place outside the walls were white with snow. Winter expeditions had a different advantage towards us. The sunlight level is lower during winter and thus, titans will be less strong. Taking them down in open ground will be easier. However, there's no telling for sure if the new recruits can do that. After all, things like that come from experience.

"Let the expedition begin!" I shouted as we got down the wall with everyone else and were on our horses. I wondered how uncle Erwin felt when he did that. This feeling of fear, guilt, determination and excitement... Did he feel all that too? As I was the strategist in our team, Hanji left the entire team under my command. Levi was in charge of keeping everything in control and our biggest weapon. His experience would help me make quick decisions about unfamiliar scenarios. Basically, Levi was controlling my decisions with his experience while I controlled the team with my strategies. This was the beginning of the 67th expedition.

3 hours later

My squad was in position, traveling in the middle of the formation. We didn't encounter any titan yet and I was glad to know that Hanji's predictions may have been right. Most of the titans were killed by the executioner from hell. The survey was going well, however, squad 8 would be travelling in a village as we speak. They will have to search every building there. We decreased our speeds as the map says us to do so, to let squad 8 pick up the pace with us within the next hour. However, just as I thought everything was going smooth, a black smoke signal was detected from squad 7.

"Diana, take command of the squad. I'll go take a look at that." I instructed my second in command and charged towards squad 7. It took me about 7 and half minutes to reach squad 7 only to find that another smoke signal had been shot in squad 8. Damn it... They couldn't take the abnormal even with perfect manoeuvring grounds? It took a total of 15 mins to reach squad 8 and two people were already dead there. 5 abnormals were chasing them and they were trying their best to avoid them. Obviously they couldn’t hold off that many abnormals.

Just as I looked back, there was a titan standing next to the building behind me. An abnormal. It had a grotesque smile and dived at me but I jumped away at immediately. I went to use my 3DMG to get away from it but the strings shot out and away from the equipment, suddenly breaking with the force. I took a quick look at the torn metallic string and it was clear that it was cut. Marie sabotaged my equipment. The titan dived at me again and jumped away at the last moment, gripping it's hair to use it as a rope and used the force on it as the titan got up to fly upwards and slashing the titan's nape barely, using the blades on the titan's back to slow my fall down. I met squad 7 on my way there and I needed quick reinforcements.

Not just recruits, I needed Levi here as getting 4 abnormals without a 3DMG was impossible. I shot a black smoke signal, hoping that squad 7 would understand the emergency. I saw squad 7 doing the same thankfully and I knew my squad was smart enough to inform Levi. With that, I tried my best to hide from the abnormals, that the three remaining members from squad 8 was keeping busy and I searched for the bodies of the two deceased members so that I could take one of their gear.

Levi POV

We have only encountered one abnormal so far and it seemed like shitty glasses did a good job predicting the amount of titan we could face. Things were going pretty well till I saw a black flare being shot from squad 6. (Y/N)'s squad needs help? How is that possible? "Mikasa, take command." I commanded Mikasa as she was the most capable out of all my squad members and rushed towards (Y/N)'s squad. After reaching there, I found no Titans, however, (Y/N) was nowhere to be seen. "Oi, where's (Y/N)? What's with the black flare?" I asked her second in command. "Heichou, (Y/N)-san went to check on a black flare that came from squad 7.

They shot another black flare just now. I assumed that (Y/N) san asked for backup." she explained. I noticed that black flare too. "Okay. I'll be going then." I told her before galloping to squad 7. No titans were there and I could see a black flare from squad 8. They should be in a village now. That's probably where they encountered titans. I didn't waste any time and sped my way to squad 8. It took me about 23 minutes to reach and I found three recruits barely hanging onto their lives, trying to keep away from 4 abnormals. (Y/N) was nowhere to be seen. I didn't waste my time and sped towards the titans and just as I tried to use my 3DMG, the wires broke when they were shot. I was taken aback by that.

I probably maintain my gear better than anyone else in the survey corps. What the fuck just happened? Before I could react, an abnormal caught me from behind. I was struggling in its hand when the titan suddenly fell flat on its face, dropping me. I landed on my feet to see (Y/N), running at me.

"Levi, Marie sabotaged my gear. I'm guessing she did the same with yours. I had my doubts that's why I was able to escape the titans. There's a body with a 3DMG attached to it 2 houses from here. I got mine there too. I'll hold them off. Hurry!" (Y/N) briefed me on the situation and I left her to handle it while I ran towards the location she pointed me to only to find a titan standing there. However, it was a 2 meter class. It sped at me as it was an abnormal and I got up the stairs of the house next to me, used the railing to jump high enough and cut the titan's nape flawlessly.

I could see another 12 meter class drop in the distance as I reached the bodies. One of them didn't have a gear. I assumed that's the one (Y/N) is using. I took the gear from the other soldier and strapped it on quickly and joined the fight. (Y/N) killed one more titan and assisted me to get the fifth one. "You guys are very less in number. I'll send someone from my squad. Fall into formation for now." I commanded the 3 soldiers left as (Y/N) called both of our horses. "Hai!" the soldiers saluted before I motioned them to be at ease and got on my horse as (Y/N) got on hers.

We travelled together towards our squads as I told her, "You should've just expelled her out of the survey corps." "Yes. I know. I figured that she would take the chance I gave her and use it properly. I'll have to talk to Hanji about it and get her a criminal offence." (Y/N) answered, with a grave expression on her face. "It'll be alright. See you later." I told her as I parted from her after she reached her squad.

Day 2 of expedition

We were closing in to the titan forest near Karanese district. Only mine and (Y/N)'s squad will be going through the forest as our positioning was like that. The peaceful atmosphere didn't last for too long after we entered the forest. It seemed like hoards of abnormals were in there, just waiting for someone to enter. My squad, including me shifted to ODM gear, getting as many titans as I can. I was getting them all flawlessly while Mikasa was a big help too. The others were struggling. There were about 40 titans in this forest and after I was done with about 20 and my squad got 10 more. I heard the sound of one more ODM gear and (Y/N) came to assist.

I was fascinated by the graceful moves she was making with her body, the flawless use of ODM gear and the clean cuts she made. She moved in perfect harmony with me, assisted me in my kills and took assist from my moves too. She made me feel like both a proud mentor and a husband. She got 4 more titans, Mikasa got one as I took down the 5 remaining titans. "(Y/N), what are you doing here? Where's your squad?" I asked her as she landed. "Well, we entered the forest before you, cleaned up about 28 titans. I had to take down most of it but the squad got like 7 of them. Some titans fled in your direction and I followed them and got here and helped you out." she explained. This is why I loved her. One person who doesn't have to be the damsel in distress was all I've ever asked for. The rest of the expedition was more or less peaceful.

Day 3, end of expedition

The expedition was over as we reached Utopia district at evening. I had a titan kill of 54 as I had to assist the squads under me a few times. (Y/N)'s titan kill was 43 as she had to assist the squads under her too. All squads encountered heavy numbers of titans and apparently my training helped them. 20 people from our team died. A total of 177 titans were killed. We got 5 more black flares in the entire expedition. I got 3 and (Y/N) got 2. Most of the titans were abnormals as Hanji predicted. There were a few titans that were too deformed to move fast enough and we killed them easily. It was the same as every other expeditions. The parents of the dead demanding answer. This time, (Y/N) was the victim as she made all the plans and she was in charge.

"YOU GOT MY SON KILLED! HOW COULD YOU! YOU DIDN'T EVEN BRING HIS BODY! ARE YOU EVEN HUMAN?" a woman was shouting at (Y/N). (Y/N)'s head was bowed. I didn't know what she was thinking. "That's enough. Your son was useful for the recapture of Wall Maria. He killed a titan before going out. I'm sure he won't appreciate it if you call the people he gave up his life for monsters." I told the woman, putting a hand on (Y/N)'s shoulder but she shrugged it off.

"Levi, I need to deal with this on my own." she told me before facing the woman. "I am very sorry for your loss. I truly am. Your son was very brave. I wasn't there when he died but I heard from his squad mates about how he took down a titan as Levi heichou says so. Levi heichou tried his best to save as many people as possible and so did I. I'm a mother myself, so I know how it feels. If something happened to my son, I would feel as if death for myself is better. I won't judge you for being angry. You have every right to be angry. It was your son who laid his life on line. No mother would ever want their children to do that. I understand that. If calling me the monster helps you ease your pain, I will gladly take that name for myself." she told the woman, who now looked at her with surprise.

The woman broke down and started crying before sitting on the streets. (Y/N) kneeled in front of her and rested her arm on the woman's shoulder. "I'm sorry. No one deserves to die. Your son deserved a better leader. I'm sorry we weren't good enough." (Y/N) told the woman, her eyes showing remorse but her face as hard as a stone. "(Y/N), we have to go and report to HQ and pick Farlan up." I told her as I stood beside her. (Y/N) got up and got on her horse. The other parents of the dead saw this scene and didn't question (Y/N) anymore. They understood the message she wanted to give.

The bodies that could be recovered were distributed before we went to pick Farlan up and travelled to Trost. We reached Trost at 3AM. I held Farlan to my chest the whole time as I was warmer than (Y/N). Farlan wore warm clothes but still, you couldn't be more careful. (Y/N) left for home with Farlan while I went to report to Hanji on her behalf. Our team was lucky that most of the abnormals we faced were concentrated towards mine and (Y/N)'s squad. Hanji's team lost 40 people. Infact, they had to stop at Krolva district to take in reinforcements from the Garrison. It wasted time but was effective in getting rid of all the titans on their path.

"So, we have to make do with 140 scout members for the next expedition." I stated, raising an eyebrow. "No. We will take support from Garrison. They will send their most elite soldiers with us. The next expedition won't be too hard as we took down most of the titans left anyway. By the way, what did you want to tell me about Marie?" Hanji asked me before I explained the whole situation of her destroying our gears. "She actually did that? Well, I'll talk to Pixis personally about it. I'm sure he will take action as he's (Y/N)'s father. Other than that, he was never much fond of indiscipline except for when it comes to drinking." Hanji answered.

"Wait, you know?" I asked her, quiet surprised. "Yes of course I do. She told me on your wedding day. Didn't she mention it to you?" Hanji asked me. "Well, she might have forgot. Things weren't very steady back then as she was pregnant and all." I muttered. So Hanji knows. I'll have to ask (Y/N) about it. "Well, I'll have to make reports now. Being commander is such a pain... It even affects my titan research... Anyway, you may leave." Hanji told me and I left. At least we were all safe for one more day. The 67th expedition was over.

To be continued...

[AUTHOR'S NOTE:(Y/N) and Levi left from Trost to go to utopia at 7PM and reached Utopia at 6AM. (Y/N) was called in Hanji's office at 2PM and they reached Trost at 11 PM that day.

Given that Orvud district is 80 km far from the Reiss Chapel, and that the distance between wall Rose and Wall Sina is 130 km, it could be assumed that every district is 20 km long, and the distance between the reiss Chapel and Utopia district is 30km. It could be assumed that Historia's orphanage is near the Reiss Chapel as she owns many lands there and possibly other lords had land there too. So, Levi and (Y/N) would reach Historia's Orphanage by 24 minutes.

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

[mbti-notes]

(1/3)How does one deal with feeling like your friends are neglecting you? I have these couple of friends that lately I feel like I don't hang out with unless I'm the one initiating. When we do see each other everything is going well, but I feel like maybe they take me for granted, or maybe I was the only one thinking that we're friends, while they don't care that much about me and don't really miss me if we go months without seeing each other.

[con’t: Frankly I want to just drop out of contact with them and “test” wether or not they’ll even make an effort to reach out to me, and if they not then why should I?. But at the same time, I’m aware that we all have our own lives to deal with, and people have different ideas of how much effort should be put into “maintaining” a friendship. Also, I never really communicated that I feel this way (cause I don’t really communicate feelings openly like that) and instead always just focus on having a good time with them, so if I were to suddenly make this an issue I feel like it could come out of the blue from their perspective. Should I just stop trying with them and see what happens? And if I were to pursue the issue, how would I do it without putting a needless pressure on them and making things weird? - INFJ]

Ignoring feelings is the road to ruin for Fs. Genuine question: How important are your feelings to you? For example, when you feel neglected or taken for granted, do you honor those feelings and treat them as important? They seem important to you, otherwise, you’d easily brush them off. If feelings are important to you, why can’t you talk about them, and why shouldn’t people talk about them? Is your perspective not important in a relationship? Why do you relate feelings to “pressure” or being “weird”? This seems to imply that you think it’s somehow “unnatural” to have feelings, otherwise, you wouldn’t ask how to “deal” with them as though they are some kind of plague or obstacle?

First of all, in a relationship, people owe each other certain agreed upon duties and responsibilities. If you relinquish them, the relationship ends as there’s no commitment to each other. You seem to think people owe you more than they’re giving you, perhaps rightfully so (as INFJs are often devoted friends to a fault), while you also recognize that different people have a different conception of what their duties and responsibilities are. How are two people, with two different conceptions of their duties and responsibilities, supposed to get onto the same page without DISCUSSING their conceptions and forging middle ground? It’s not magically going to happen without any effort. Long-term relationships require effort to sustain, and both parties must agree to putting in a relatively equal amount of effort, otherwise one party will always feel cheated. If someone isn’t willing to put in the effort, then you’re barking up the wrong tree and should simply move on. This connects to the next point.

Second, if someone doesn’t contact you as often as you’d like, it is unwise to speculate and ascribe motives to their behavior without knowing the facts of their situation. You feel hurt, fine, but don’t jump to conclusions and claim that they don’t care or that they don’t miss you. This kind of judgmental leap is unwarranted, and it actually reflects on your emotional insecurity rather than their moral character. Do you act on every thought and feeling that comes your way? You clearly don’t, because your question is about feeling neglected but not doing anything about it. People can miss you a lot yet still not contact you, people can care about you a lot yet still not contact you, for reasons that you aren’t aware of, because you don’t know what’s really happening inside them. Maybe they’re good friends, maybe they’re jerks. The point is that you don’t really know because you’re overlooking a lot of different possibilities by jumping to conclusions.

INFJs with poor emotional intelligence are often very judgmental (Ti fail), because they aren’t aware that negative emotions have hijacked their speculative process, and they believe that their “intuitions” about people are god-given truths. This often sabotages their relationships over and over again. Nobody likes to be misjudged or wrongly accused, and it’s not a good habit to go around judging people without giving them fair opportunity to present the facts of their case. I’m guessing the reason that you fear talking about it is because you know that the anger you feel in your heart is going to create a volatile situation. And the anger is there because you have jumped to a negative conclusion about their moral character. Blame is a defense mechanism that grants a false sense of power, FJs usually do it to deflect their feelings of hurt/inadequacy/inferiority.

A much wiser strategy is to figure out the facts rather than indulging blame. Once you have the facts, you’d be in a much better position to decide what to do. What’s stopping you from genuinely asking people why they don’t initiate contact? That would naturally open up a normal conversation/negotiation about how much to contact each other. Be honest: Do you actually want to know the truth, or do you like sitting in judgment of people and stewing in your negative feelings (as many INFJs do)? And you even want to “test” your friends in an experiment to prove your negative judgment, which will, of course, turn out exactly as you expect because you’re intellectually dishonest. It’s easy to hold a false belief when you rig the experiment and never actually open yourself up to real counter-evidence. It’s easy to maintain an illogical belief when you have already defined both the cause (bad moral character) and the effect (taking you for granted) in playing the judge, jury, and executioner. You cannot claim to know things through mere speculation, so stop leaning so heavily on Ni. Get the facts from the horse’s mouth instead of presuming to know.

Third, if you are afraid of conflict, you’re never going to get very far in relationships, because relationships are inherently messy and full of conflict. Two people cannot reach a place of mutual acceptance without going through the process of reconciling their differences. There’s nothing wrong with individual differences, the issue is whether you are genuinely able to accept that they exist, on both ends. The decisions that you have made indicate that you can’t accept your feelings. You say that you focus on having a good time, which is often the indirect Fe way of saying that your true feelings remain hidden. By not raising this issue in your relationships, you inadvertently inform other people that your feelings don’t matter, and downplaying yourself cannot lead to a satisfying relationship, can it? It is the fact that you have left your feelings unresolved for so long that makes this situation into “a thing” that you now fear raising with them and now even motivates you to slam the door. The molehill (of innocent differences) has become a mountain (of negative condemnations).

You can’t expect that others will know how to accommodate your needs if you never make your needs known. How are people supposed to know how to care for you if you don’t instruct them? How are you to know why they don’t initiate contact if you never ask them? The point is that these discussions are necessary and constructive for relationship building. If you want to get better at having them, then start having them and learn from any missteps. Communication is an art, a dynamic process that requires adapting to the circumstances of the moment. There are some things in life that mere speculation can never prepare you for, so stop leaning so heavily on Ni. Learn how to do it by simply doing it and gaining experience.

[nightmaresindreamland]

A memory that makes them angry — lessons-inthe-arts (just telling you so that when i reblog the meme you don't think I'm ignoring you, you don't have to @ me or whatever)

It appears as if this memory has been completely forgotten.. It’s really for the best.

They called him horrid names. The first being in the universe he ever found screamed when they saw him. Everything sentient, every person who could talk that saw him despised him.

He wasn’t sure as to why. He never exactly did anything. He couldn’t remember doing anything. It’s like he was being punished for a crime he had no knowledge of. No previous scolding for. 

There was not even an inkling of reasoning in his brain as to why everyone hates him, or as to why he seems to feel more awake, aware, and happy whenever people screech in terror at his visits. It’s confusing, and no one wants to help him.

No matter where he went, people denied him. They called him a ‘scourge’ and denied his ‘temptations of destruction’. Planet upon planet upon planet. Every. Single. One.

Was it the way he looked? Was it the white he wore (was it unfashionable or something)? Was it the way his hands were? He didn’t understand.. He felt like he needed an explanation, but if he asked, people spat and hissed or screamed and ran.

He just didn’t understand. He didn’t know what was going on.

“Scourge.”

A voice, ethereal sounded behind him. That.. He looked. Two incomprehensible beings stood before him. He’d seen them before.

“Terror incarnate, you will haunt no more.”

One spoke, its mouth fluctuating in and out of existence wildly. There was something truly horrifying about those words. Those threats. He knew nothing could ever hurt him to the point of death, but he feels as though these creatures have the capability. The ability to give unto him death like it were nothing.

“Leave existence before we force you.”

The other warned, equally as hard to make sense of physically.

“For what reason? Speak to me, for what?”

“From your actions you have created us, incarnates of despair and hopelessness. Your crime is much more, though, for you have chosen a path of misdeed and evil without end. You have proven yourself unworthy of redemption and inability to stray from malice.”

This doesn’t make any sense. No, he’s never done any of those things!

“You accuse me of this with nothing as its spine!”

He’s angry. He’s being threatened over nothing, of course he’s angry. 

“I’ve not done a single one of those you say that I have!”

“But we are here still. That is your doing. Your other crimes have lead to us. We shall be your judge,”

The one who was speaking summoned spikes into its hands. Thin, long spikes.

“and your executioner.”

The other finished the sentence. It appeared to distort the space around it.

A chill ran down his being. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t know what death meant. He couldn’t die. He didn’t want to die. 

“You meet your end, by the universe’s demand and the resident’s need.”

So, what else was he meant to do? He didn’t know how to fight! So, when flight or fight kicks in, he of course picks the one he’s actually competent at. He flies. Oh, how he flies.

He can go as fast as he wants. The two seemed to be just as apt, though, and he certainly wasn’t losing them any time soon due to the fact that he was wearing white in the entirely black void of space.

The two of them didn’t appear to be very good shots, because the lasers they shot at him with went completely past him and missed him entirely. Most of them, anyways.

He screeches in pain when his horn is seared by one of the many shots. It burns. It burns. He’s never felt anything like it before, but he certainly never wants to feel anything like it again.

Hands glowing red and gestures done in panic, he heals himself whilst still running. He sees a planet. He’s approaching quickly. Once he’s in atmosphere, he can teleport somewhere on it and lose these two.

Something wraps around his neck and stalls him. It chokes, it burns. He pulls against it, but it pulls back just as hard, possibly even more.

He croaks, hands fumbling at first to try and tear whatever’s around his neck before he grabs his cape and completely teleports out from the grasp. He keeps flying.

He manages to get into orbit, grabbing his cape once more before he’s blasted by what’s probably a large laser. It burns the back of his head and his horns as it rockets him down into the ground, exploding outwards and killing plantlife as soon as he hits.

The next moment, dust clears and now he’s in a crater. He scrambles to get his hands close to him once more, but they face the same burning restraint that his neck once did.

“No, no!”

He yells, trying to force them from the bright yellow magic ‘ropes’ that now held his only escapes hostage. The choking feeling returns to him, a loud crack as it wraps around his throat again.

The ropes force him to look at the two creatures. The ropes all came from the long needles that one wielded. They were wrapped around the needles ends like yarn or something.

“Your running has made you all the more guilty.”

It speaks, almost complacent sounding. He chokes like he’s asphyxiated. It hurts. He’s burning all over, and he’s about to die. He doesn’t understand why, and it’s making him mad.

But the pain is overshadowing the fury, and so that’s all he feels right now.

“Your last words shall be through choking agony, scourge. Speak.”

He wants answers.

“W..hhh..yy..??”

He retched, watching the one who distorts space grow nearer and nearer to him. A feeling of imminent, unavoidable pain was upon him as he watched that thing grow close.

“Because you exist.”