#i'm still working through them. it's not perfect. that kind of thing doesn't just disappear. it leaves claw marks. and i'm trying to learn

[spacelesscowboy]

and that's the thing isn't it. i tried for about 16 years to care about the right stuff. to internalize that beauty meant pain and if i wasn't willing to live with that then it meant something was wrong with me.

but i got out of it i think. i got out. i was unwilling to compromise my comfort. or maybe i just got sick of all the rules that kept getting added on. you have to act like this and you have to dress like that and you have to shave and you can never let yourself be anything other than perfect and. etc etc.

and it's a little. sad to see that the majority of people haven't realized that you don't actually have to wear a full face of makeup (or, really, any makeup at all) when you leave the house or have company over. you don't have to obsess over aging and wrinkles and buy and buy and buy. it's okay. we're animals. we live and we age and then we die. you don't have to compromise your comfort. it's okay.

[ultrasharpy12345stuff]

SUCCESS STORY (manifesting)

OMFG you guys! I did it! I made it to my desired reality! I'm living my desired life!

All I did was decide it's done. More specifically, I just did Angel's fulfillment challenge (which you don't have to do). Everyday I just decided to live like I was in my desired reality right now as often as I could and whenever I wanted to.

If I vented, I vented. If I ranted I ranted. If I sabotaged my manifestation I just decided it wouldn't matter and that nothing would ruin my manifestation and everything was ok and fine.

And this is totally optional but I affirmed sometimes. I just did to remind myself that it was done.

My affirmations were:

-I'm living my desired life

-Nothing can ruin my manifestation

-I'm in my desired reality

-I'm in my desired reality in my penthouse in Tokyo

-I have all my desires

-The 3D conforms instantly

And it worked! And now I'm happy! I woke up today IN my penthouse in Tokyo! The view of the city is amazing. I checked my bank account and it turns out I'm super rich! Like I literally have BILLIONS of dollars. And it's like I always get millions of dollars out of nowhere! So it's like I get paid just to exist!

Also life in this reality is soooooooo different than on Earth. Like the people in the city are nice... but they aren't just humans beings. I'm seeing Japanese monsters walking around wearing uggs! I can also see Godzilla walking around in a place in the city it's so cool! (don't worry, they made a place in the city specifically for her)

I can also enter the void anytime I fall asleep. Like everytime I go to sleep I wake up IN the void state completely aware. I know this because I just decided I would go to sleep and I did! (one of the things I also manifested, to fall asleep instantly)

And guess what? I also revised my ENTIRE life. Like all the shitty, terrible things that happened to me and all the awful things I've done are GONE! They never happened. All the arguments I had with people on Youtube are gone, they never happened. I never met those people. All the people who I argued with on Discord, well I never argued with them. All the problems with my family are gone.

I also have new memories of me being in Highschool. It went great! I made some friends, they never got angry at me, I got to play my videogames, and I never had to deal with any kind of stress. And I also have my college degree even though I never went to college.

Also let me show you what I look like:

This body:

This is my hairstyle (except it's white colored):

This is my face (trigger warning: AI art, also dw I'm black):

And I'm like popular on Twitter. I'm as popular as @rariatoo. People follow my art and they love drawing my OCs and characters, it's so much fun. Plus I have a patreon and a redbubble. I get to make my OCs as plushies and stickers and ship them off.

And the best part is that there's no wars! No covid, no genocide in the Congo or Palestine, no racism, no problems. And there never will be, everything is fine! Its literally a Utopia.

Summary of what I manifested:

-Desired life & reality

-Freezing Time

-Revising entire life

-Different family (same soul but different looks (slightly) and better personality)

-Entering the void whenever I fall asleep and at will

-A butler friend who I can summon and make disappear at will (he's super nice and never have any problems, perfect personality, kinda shy, and we just had some woopie 🥵🤪)

-Magic (I can do LOTS of crazy stuff)

-Being able to shift realities at will

-Visiting my family through a magic door (my family lives in what I call, "Reality # 3 and I can visit them anytime I want)

-Spawning groceries and food whenever I want (I still go out, dw)

-Friends on discord and some IRL

-Money money monayyyyyyyyyyy

-Perfect health and mental health, no problems with my body

-Never getting yelled at ever again or abused/nobody gets abused/abuse doesn't exist. Yellers don't exist.

& a lot of other personal things

You guys got this! You can get your dream life! Go for it! *I didn't get my dream life yet, that's why the title reads:

"SUCCESS STORY (𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴)" When you put "manifesting in the title it means you haven't gotten your desires yet but you're doing it to help you live in the end. SO please don't be angry or offended.*

[nescaveckwriter]

Lighthouse

A/N: 🐞... Okayz my dearest love bugs, 💕 another one done for @jacklesversebingo 🥰 yayaness, I know its been a while though, But I hope y'all are gonna enjoy this one, I must say I'm super proud and, a little terrified as this is 'Supernatural' based 🫣🤭, so let me know what y'all think.🥰 Okayz much love🥰❤️🩷

Warnings: *18+ Only* Horror, Thriller, Mentions of blood, violence, angsty, little fluff, heartbreaking, drama.

Line: Tree, Clock, Rope

Characters: Dean x Fem Reader, Sam, Benny, Cas, Crowley

Words: 6700 😱🫣 I know I'm sorry.

Cover & Pictures: Pinterest, Canva, Google

Side Note: Please check out my Masterlist for more, epic stories🐞💕

The sky has turned into grey, dark clouds threatening too cover the earth with its darkness, the smell of rain is everywhere as it nourishes the earth, as you stand under the pouring rain, listening too him say, goodbye, letting the rain mix with the tears on your cheeks. Not being able too move a muscle, you just stood there unable to make a single sound, unable to ask him why, why after this long, did he want to break up with you, did he want to throw away the life you built. Weren't you enough for him no more,? Is there someone else? Why Now?

The way he said goodbye wasn't with a voice filled with anger, no, his emerald green eyes was sad, his voice almost breaking when he said "I need too let you go sweetheart" and his lips found yours instinctively, it was a soft, kiss, mixed with the taste of him, salt and rain. You didn't want him too leave, you wanted to grab ahold of him, and beg him too stay, but before you could, he got in that Chevy Impala, the engine roared and the tires screeched, as he drove off into the darkness, not a single star in the sky, its almost as if the magic of the moonlight left with him.

Its been a little over three months since he left you standing in the rain, like some dumb country song, but you somehow found a way too move through your everyday life, you were a hunter before you met Dean, and you still are, well in all honesty saving people is the only thing that got you through the days.

It isn't really a job you tell everyone about, oh heck no!, its more a work you keep too yourself, letting your family believe, your just a traveling failure, well you always did kind of feel like you lost your way over the years, but these days your numb. Your best friend Sam doesn't even talk too you anymore, you don't really have a lot of folks who you could call, and say "hey, ya know I'm not really doing well, I need a pick me up or a damn hug" no you always kept too yourself, not trusting anyone, but the day you met Dean and Sam on a hunt it changed.! Sam quickly became your best friend and well Dean soon became the only man you'll ever love, even though he had his issues. And then there was Castiel the angel, he has always felt like a beacon of hope, making you laugh with his "I don't understand that reference" sayings. But the day Dean walked out they all left, leaving you completely alone in this damn scary world. It's not the monsters that scares you, no that you get, but it's the people. Every single person you have met in your life has a hidden agenda, why can't they just be good people.

Sitting at the diner in the small town, were you were investigating strange disappearances, ordering a black coffee, the display with the different pies catching your eye. Your mind wanders off to Dean's birthday... You prepared all his favorite foods, burgers, bacon, fries, the greaser the better, and then you started with the making of his favorite pies. But somewhere along the way you forgot about the pie's in the oven, letting them burn to a crisp, after you rushed in, trying to save what's left of the charred goods, seeing it was disaster, you wouldn't be able to save it, you burst into tears, cussing yourself for messing up what's supposed to be the perfect day, you felt his strong arms pulling you towards his chest, staining his shirt with the wetness of your cheeks. He's breathe hot as he kissed you, in a loving, comforting way, reassuring you everything will be okay, it's just pie's not the end off the world.

He always did know how too comfort you, how too chase the darkness away, he was your lighthouse, so to say, showing you the way, back too the light. And now, now there's no more light too go home. No more home, just nothing.

Taking a sip of the now cold bitter coffee, that kind of taste like, old shoes, not that you'll know how that would taste like, but betting its something like this. Placing the cup down, sliding the dollar's underneath the half full cup on the diner table, you get up, throwing your ball cap on, hair hanging loose on your shoulders, taking your leather jacket and phone, you start too head out of the small town diner.  Walking towards your Harley Davidson, you've always liked the way, that bunch of metal, felt roaring as you sat on that leather seat, the wind rushing through your hair, the way those gas fumes, flowed through your veins, not even to talk about the adrenaline that went with it, oh damn, you felt about your Harley like Dean felt about his impala. Seeing a giant creep checking out your bike, leaning on it, irritation in your voice "excuse, what are you doing?"

His voice rough and unpleasant "why do you care, little missy"

Walking closer, your eyes darker than usual "that's my bike"

The bald man, with his long beard, hiding his tatted neck, started to laugh "No way such a small little thing can handle that sort of horse power"

"I'm only going to ask you nicely one more time, get off my damn bike!"

Crossing his arms in front of him, "Or what? You gonna call the little cops"

"No! I'm going to make you get off my bike"

"I'd like to see you try missy"

She really wasn't in the mood for this. So she tried to shove him off, but he was on the larger side and didn't really move a single damn inch. It just made him irritated "hey come here missy" he said as he grabbed a hold of your arm, you smiled, that made him look at you all confused, but he soon realized, he should not have messed with you, as you took his fingers, and started bending them backwards, bringing the big guy down to your size. With your free hand, you punched the sucker in the face. Got up on your bike, and drove down the road too the nearest bar you could find, for information and while you where there you might as well get something to drink.

The Black Chevy Impala roared as it parked in front of the diner, Dean and Sam got out, a big guy, with a black eye, just got off the ground as they started making their way towards the door, Dean looked at the guy a smirk on his face "What happened to you buddy?"

The man mumbled "crazy biker chick"

Dean just laughed, as he figured this chick was probably part of his gang, as the beaten up guy had a biker jacket with their logo on. He still smiled but he felt stabbing pains in his heart. His sweetheart was a 'biker chick' a swell, she could handle that roaring horsepower better than most men, and man!, was she tough, so fierce and fiery, so passionate and yet so gentle, vulnerable at times, so fragile, she cared more than most, people, and beautiful, so freaking beautiful, her smile could light up a room, he fell hard for her the first time he saw her, and it just grew from there he loved her , he still loved her, but he just had too walk away, for her own safety, everyone close too him get hurt or dies. And especially with everything going on, he couldn't risk it, if someone found out, that she wasn't just another hunter, no she was the love of his life, he'd never forgive himself if something would happen too her. Sam calling his name for the fourth time pulled him out of his deep thoughts, "Hey man, you with me?"

"Yeah, yeah, just thinking I need a drink not coffee"

Sam gave him a sympathetic smile, knowing his brother probably thought of her again, he just nods and says "okay sure let's go"

The only information she got was that, some of the missing folks were last seen close too a pig farm , on the outskirts of this town.

And now, now she just sat here swallowing the vodka, it was easier than too think that Dean aren't coming back, hating how she felt , how alone and miserable, how heartbroken, she really thought that she was stronger than this, but no, she's weak and pathetic, sobbing about a man, a damn man who left her in the pouring rain. What the hell was wrong with her, she never was the kind, to be good little wife material, who would cook for her husband and bake brownies for her children's school, but the sad truth was she wanted too be all that with Dean, she would've gave up hunting, too be his wife and the mother of his children. But clearly he didn't feel the same. Thumbing away a stray tear, she gestures to the bartender , for another. The music was loud and the alcohol made her slightly lightheaded, she knew she needed some air, sliding off the barstool, walking towards the exit, fumbling in her pockets for a packet of cigarettes, she only smokes when she drinks. Some guy, lit her cigarette, she just nods, thanking him with a smile as she stood in the crisp evening air, the air mixed with nicotine hit her lungs, letting a little cough escapes her lips. As she blows out the smoke, she heard that damn Chevy pull in, she couldn't miss it , Dean had a certain way if driving and it was him for sure. She just stood there, frozen in the darkness. "What the hell is he doing here" whispering underneath her breath. Hoping that he doesn't see her, knowing that she will burst out in tears the moment she tried to speak too him.

He wales past a couple of bikes, that's when he saw it, her bike, hard too miss it, on the rear bumper the lyrics of her favorite Bon Jovi song. He elbows his brother "Sam, she's here"

Sam looked at him shocked, "What? Are you sure"

Running his hand over his face "Of course I'm damn sure" clearing his throat "I can't see her, man, I just can't, I've missed her so much, it was hard enough too walk away from her that night, I won't be able to do it again"

Sam places his hand on his big brother shoulder "Don't you think, this whole protection thing your trying is dumb"

Dean's jaw clenched, "No, Everybody around me dies, and there's nothing I can do about it, I have to let her go"

Sam just shook his head, his known his brother felt like this for a while now, but it's gotten worse, his unsure why, but he will try and get through too him, Dean's only been happy, whenever he was with her. "Okay let's go"

Dean and Sam made their way towards the car, they're about to get in when they heard a spine chilling scream , Dean recognized her voice. He searches in the darkness, when he catches a glimpse of four men, throwing her in a black van. He didn't even realized it but he started running towards the van, as the last of them jumped in, he saw a glimpse of her, the last thing he heard, was her screaming his name and a gun shot, which brought him to a stop as he fell to the ground, chanting her name over and over, until his eyes fell closed.

Sam fired his gun towards the van, but couldn't get decent shots from that angle. He fell to his knees next to his brother, glancing at the bullet wound in his chest, the blood gushing out, he applied pressure on the wound, he could feel the life draining from his brother as he begged Castiel to come. Sam's eyes damp with tears, his heart pounding in his throat, a silent scream escaping his lip "Cas, please man, I need you Dean need's you"

You could hear the flutter of wings, when the celestial being landed, his face struck with concern "What happened?"

Sam glanced at the man in the trench coat, holding his brother in arms, "please, just help him Cas"

The angel approached his best friend, there was nothing quite as bad, as seeing him, in pain, placing his hand on Dean's shoulder and Sam's, the three men found themselves in a motel, Dean was still unconscious but breathing, Sam glanced at the angel, mouthing a "thank you"

Traces of the tears still evident on her cheeks as she recalled Dean getting shot, he was there, running towards her, he stilled cared. The four men watched her like a hawk, she cradled her legs in the corner, as if she's a animal trying too hide herself from the prey.

The van came to a stop, she knew something had to be done, so she took the knife she hid in her boots, covered it in her hand, she knew taking all four men was asking to much, so she'll have to isolate them. Take them one by one. The men double, maybe triple her size, but she aren't going down this way, without a fight.

As the two men , opened the door, she saw what looked like a barn, there where cages, with other people inside, seeing she's not the only one that needed saving, she slid the knife back in her boot. She needed more information than this, so she went with it. The man held her by her hair, threw her into a cage which had two other girls probably about round about 16 and 18, and much older man, in his late 60's maybe. Hitting the the floor, scraping her palms.

The older man helped her up, "you okay?"

"Yeah thanks never been better" the sarcasm rolled over her pressed lips.

A big guy, came standing against the cage, with a stupid smug on his round face. "When Ricky there told me about this little woman, who punched him, just for leaning against her bike, I knew I had too throw you in the ring"

She got to a standing position, striding closer, too this gigantic man, "What are you? A human trafficker , organ? What"

He laughed "None of the above, just a business man," he started walking away.

"What is he talking about?" Her eyes intensified "Does anyone know why we are here?"

She heard a man's voice coming from another cage, he was beaten pretty bad, "We are here too fight against each other, like the movie Condemned, apparently it happens in really life" he let out a defeated laugh. The whole barn filled with chatter, people gasping for air, as the initial shock took over. Those who haven't seen the movie, quickly got enlighten by those who have, the rich of the rich, places bets on the person, who they think will survive and it gets streamed on the dark web for everyone to watch.

There's a clock with a timer and the one who have killed all the other 'players' in that amount of time, gets to live another round. Some just cried, the others just quietly, sat in the corners of their cages, holding on too their knees, as if that's going to help, everywhere in that barn there's cages filled with silence and then those with chatter.

Then in the cage she's in, the two young teenage girls just hold on too each other, clinging for dear Life. The grey old guy, just kept mumbling too himself, "I can't kill these people" over and over.

Probably not the most polite thing in this situation but damn, it worked on her nerves, she's trying think of a solution, a plan something to save these people. But she was all out of ideas, to be honest, except maybe one, her back was against the cage, she silently started to talk to Cas, asking him to come and find her, but nothing, he didn't hear or he didn't want too, either way it was up too her.

Glancing down at the ground, then her leather boots she remembered the knife, she could use that too unlock the cage door, then start freeing the others, she took the last bit of hope in her hand, starting to put the blade in, turning and wiggling it, until she heard the click sound, she was overjoyed, she slowly opened the screeching steel door, every noise sounded as loud as thunder.

She could see the different keys, close to the barn entrance, almost walking on the balls of her feet, so that she didn't make a single sound, reaching for the keys, her fingertips barely touching it, she jumped into the air, grabbing ahold if it, she started making her way towards the first cage. Searching for the key that fits, the barn doors flung open, she recognized the guy, Ricky from earlier, and some other dude, who made her skin crawl , "Hey how'd you get out?" Ricky shouted.

"What you can see me?" She joked, something she always did, when she was very nervous.

The other guy ran to her, but she kicked him before he even could touch her, she still had the knife in hand, this big fella didn't say, much, he charged towards her, when that silver blade touched his arm, it made him squirm, "Oh that's just freaking lovely, what are you, a vamp? A wolfie?" She sneered

The moment he showed his, teeth she knew it was a werewolf, the other folks in the cages screamed, as they never saw such a creature.

"So this games rigged? Normal human being and creatures from the night, joining the game"

Surprised the wolf looked at her , a growl "your a hunter?"

Mischievous smile on her lips "why would you say that?" The wolf growled once again, as he charged towards your position, clawing your back, as he flung you against a cage, everything is swimming before her eyes, all you could make out was that she was flung against the beaten up man, he had the bluest eyes, which kind of reminded her about Castiel's eyes.

The wolf like creature came closer, looking for your blood, that's when the man stood up, black coat drenched in blood, unsure if it was his own, or some of the creature's his killed, the last time, his blue orbs, illuminated, bloodshot veins stretched like a roadmap in his eyes , his fangs came out revealing that his a vampire.

Laying there, you where left at the mercy of these two, but you were surprised when the vamp, took ahold of the wolf, smashing his head against the bars, he had this deep old time southern voice "leave her alone"

The man, glared at her and the vamp, picking her up, letting her sway like a sack of potatoes in the air. Ricky quickly came to open the cage, throwing her in by the vampire, "You can have her".

Knowing the open wounds made the situation worse, as it was like a magnet for the vamp, she tried too get up, too defend herself but, in that moment she was too weak.

The vamp, came closer towards her, his features returned to those of a man, his voice kind "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm Benny"

Shocked "Benny, like in Benny Lafitte? Dean's friend?"

He smiled, "I thought I recognized you, saw you once on his lock screen, asked him about this new women in his life, he told me you are the love of his life"

Smirking, "Yeah that's awhile ago I guess"

Confusion written all over his face, but before he could ask, the barn filled with gas, hearing Benny say "its to knock us out so they can take us to the next location" before you could find out more, the knock out gas started taking its toll.

His eyes flutter open, Sam and Cas both sharing the same concerned facial expressions, his voice croaky "what did something happen? Is.." struggling to form the words "is she gone?"

Sam spoke quickly, trying to reassure his big brother "No! We don't know, Cas can't pick up her location"

 Cas spoke "Wherever she's at, must be warded off with sigils"

Dean groaned when he sat up, "we have to save her, I can't loose her"

The three of them turned their heads when they heard the familiar phrase from Crowley "Hello Boys"

Dean immediately got up, pointing a finger at him, "Do you have something to do with her disappearance, tell me now!"

 Crowley gave him a sympathetic look, that lasted about an second "Squirrel I had nothing to do with her, but I know where you can find her"

Dean could not control the anger that intensified in his chest, he smashed Crowley against the nearest wall, his arm pressing against his throat his forest green eyes pierced the black ones, his voice low, and stern "Crowley if your messing with me, I will kill you, I swear I'll kill"

 With the flick of Crowley's fingers Dean flew across the room, he shouts, this whole situation clearly upsetting him as well. "She saved my damn life, why would I want something to happen to her, she cared enough to save me, ME!!!" Crowley shouted.

Sam hurried to help Dean up, recalling the saving Crowley is talking about, he was stuck in a devils trap, bounded with chains around his hands and neck, as some other hunter took out all his anger on Crowley, stabbing him over and over, when she came in, tried talking the man down, but he didn't see any reason as he thought Crowley was to blame for the death of his family, but he wasn't, he had nothing to do with it. As she was talking to this guy, she slowly started  to scratch the round red chalked circle on the floor with the heel of her boots, so that Crowley can break free, the line was finally broken, by clicking his fingers the chains shook loose and fell into a thousand pieces, the other hunter saw what she did, ran towards her, pushed the blade right through her upper torso. That's when Dean and Sam ran into, her for the first time, they where hunting the hunter who they thought was possessed but turns out he had such an amount of rage inside him, that whom ever got in his way, he'd kill.

Dean's harsh voice pulled Sam out of his thoughts, "Where is she Crowley"

"Well not only her , but other people as well, even Werewolves and vampires, you named it they have it, I know the location, but we have to go now," he clears his throat, "there's only one snag, neither can I nor Cass get in their, the damn sigils on the barns wall, wont let us through"

Dean's already halfway across the room, towards the door, "what are we waiting for"

In a matter of seconds the four of them stood In front of the barn on the pig farm, Sam is busy discussing a plan of action but Dean, already pushed the barn doors open, "what the hell Dean" the loudness in Sam's voice makes Dean face him, but he just shakes him off, not answering, too determined to safe her, he walks in, gun in hand, ready for anything, everywhere you look, all the cage doors stands open, not a single trace of anyone, something glistening on the floor catches his eye, its a rose gold chain with a heart shaped locket, he didn't need to turn it around, to see the engraved 'love you always D.W' to know its hers, he opens it anyways, glaring at the picture, both off them laughing, the way they looked at each other, you could feel the electricity, the love they shared, he folds it closed in his fisted hand, his eyes damp with emotion. He runs outside, punches Crowley straight in the face. Cas takes ahold of Dean's arm's demanding him to stop. The defeated look on his face is too much too bare for the three men looking at Dean, disappointed and unsure where to look next they start looking around the farm for clues, for something that can give him a glimpse of hope.

The strong sunrays, burning her eyes, as she opens them, the pain from last night's fight, let's her realize what's happening, she tries too move, but can't, searching for the reason, she sees the rope wrapped around her arms, and waist, too a tree, she tries too wiggle, to get out off the tight grip, that's when she hears a ticking of a clock tick-tock, tick-tock, it sounded incredibly loud, looking up to where the sounds came from, seeing giant speakers blaring the sound of a clock. A rough unpleasant voice spoke, game rules: "Everything goes, you can use any weapon you can find, to kill your opponent, and also remember the last one standing gets too live" he lets out a snotty laugh. "Oh yes, and contestants, we made the first kill very easy, if you can find contestant five, she's tied up and ready to kill, oh and give us a show" he laughs harder, then all of the sudden its dead silence, figuring she's contestant no: five, she'd better think of something to get out if this situation. Her words barely a whisper, "I don't even know why I try, but Cas are you there, Crowley, can someone hear me? Please I need someone"

The rustling of the leaves, let's her know there's someone, maybe it's Cas or Crowley, maybe its someone's who wants to take her as their first kill.

The large man with his black coat walks towards her.

He's voice hushed, "let me get you outta here"

"Oh darn, I'm so thankful its you Benny"

As he unties her, they hear rustling in the bushes, he hands her a knife, and they stand ready for action, back against back, three people came closer, it's the three she shared the cage with, she and Benny suggested they walk behind them, so that the two of them can protect them.

The further they walk the more danger they seem too run into, Benny takes the most werewolves, windigos and Leviathan's , as for you, you take most of the other human beings, who wants to attack the two teenage girls and old man.

You are bruised, beaten and torn up, unsure if your body is covered in your own blood or those of the enemies, you keep on going, grateful, that you had these people to protect, because if you had to be honest, if it weren't for them, you wouldn't fight so hard to survive, every now and then you get flashbacks of how Dean got shot, knowing it was fatal, you don't want to allow yourself to think that he could be really gone, there's this glimmer of hope that he might still be alive, maybe Sam helped him, maybe Cas or Crowley.

 Resting against a tree to catch your breath, you see the blood gushing down your arm, one of the men came at you with a damn axe, and in the fight he threw the axe towards you, pinning you against a tree, it must've been the adrenaline but you wiggled that axe, out of you arm, screaming while throwing it back at him, which ended up between his eyes.  You fell too your knees, the emotion welling up behind your eyes, you get caught off guard when someone or something picks you up in the air. A little weak, and confused all you can see is that your draped over the large man, with multiple tattoos shoulder, it didn't take long, too lose consciousness.

Dean could not believe what he just heard, both Cas and Crowley told him, that they heard you call out too them, they knew where you were, you where caught in Purgatory, damn Purgatory. What the hell is going on. It felt like someone took his very last breath. His been too Purgatory, It's no joke for sure, it changed him, the only person who made him whole was her, his sweetheart and now, now she's going through all of that.

Crowley spoke with his people, which revealed, that the one and only Dick Roman sits behind it all, with a connection in the real world, who takes normal people, of all ages just to make money, and feed his obsession of killing people.

His quiet, as he drives too the place where the portal opens to Purgatory, thinking about all the things there, so many monsters, dangers around every corner. He just hopes, his going to make it in time, she just has too be okay, has to be alive, squinting his eyes as he recalls what he had too do, too survive.

"Sweetheart you awake?" Rolling over too the right side of the bed, emerald green eyes looking back at you, "Baby?"

"Why do you look so surprised sweetheart"

"Uhmmm I'm not really sure, it feels so right yet so wrong" she smiled

Without a single word, Dean cups your face, places his lips on yours, its sweet, it's sensual, yet filled with passion. Breaking the kiss, you look at him, studying his face, the speck of hazel around the black pupil, the way, his freckles runs across his nose, almost like the milky way, the corners of his mouth, that is slightly curled in a smile, his plumps lips, that's slightly swollen from the kiss, the little stubble on his chin and cheeks, the way his jawline just kind of frames his picture perfect face, the way his deep smoky voice fills the air, and your body with a exhilarating energy, "Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked.

Your voice barely audible and brittle, "I just love you, I love you more than life itself"

 His voice calm, but certain "Marry Me"

Your jaw dropped, "What?"

He started to kiss your lips softly, his breathe hot as he said "Yes babe, I want you to be my wife?"

Searching his eyes your lips crept upwards into a smile, your voice sounded more brittle than you intended "Yes, yes Dean Winchester, I'll marry you"

The joy dancing in his green eyes, made you happy, even though a few stray tears rolled over your cheeks.

Feeling like your walking on cloud nine, then all of the sudden, you get this sharp pain in you ribs, unwillingly your eyes flutter open, gasping for air "what the hell?"

Looking around you, seeing your in some kind of room, chains around your wrists, hanging from what looks like the ceiling, clothing blood-soaked. Hair sticking to your face, sweat mixed with blood. Your feet barely touching the floor, it feels as if your arms is getting pulled out of their sockets if you move to much, your throat dry, realizing you must've been passed out, it wasn't really a dream, more like a memory, Dean did ask you too marry him, and then outta nowhere, two days later, you where left standing in the rain, the tears streaming down your face, unsure if it's about the way Dean left things, or the situation your currently thrown in.

Sighing, whispering to no one really "I'm tired, I'm so tired, I can't anymore and I don't want to anymore" head hanging down, looking at the floor, closing your eyes, wishing all this could be over, you heard heavy footsteps, laughter filling the dark air.

His voice smooth "All this turned out better than I could've imagined"

Confused you glare at him "okay, fine you win, get it over with"

Walking closer towards you, big smug on his face, "see, I can't deal with you yet, I know who you are" getting angrier now "I'll finally get my revenge, Dean will watch you die, he wanted to send me here, now I will take something precious from him"

Shocked to hear that he thinks Dean is still alive , she plays along maybe, it's her way out, Scoffing "Well sorry to hear you think he'd be coming to look for me, because we aren't together no more"

He laughs, "oh no, he is already here, searching for you, my men left him a little bread trail, as to where you are"

Furious now, you shake, trying to get loose, shouting "You leave Dean alone, kill me , but let him go please"

Clapping his hands together, "Ah, young love" he laughs harder "I am going to kill you, but Dean needs to watch, then I'll kill Sam, Cas and even Crowley, all while Dean has to watch"

Eyes wide, barely audible "They're all here"

His smug smile never leaving his face "oh yes, all of them, clearly they care, its so pathetic, you humans, you know that?"

Squinting her eyes, trying too fight the tears threatening to spill over, you care about all of them, more than you care to admit.  He just simply walks out of sight. The silence is deafening, the only thing she can hear is her heart racing, Dean's alive, he came looking for her. Somewhere between the excitement of hearing Dean's alive and the spine chilling silence, she lost consciousness.

 They hardly had too beat the crap out of some of the men, on their road to this half torn down, factory like building, all of them agreed, it felt like a trap, but Dean didn't give a damn, he needed to find her, save her and bring her home, he has been cursing himself internally, the whole damn way, if only he didn't freak out, but the moment he realized he wanted to marry her, be her husband, wishing he never said that, went on that hunt, saw how that ghost threw her against the wall, the pain she must've felt, he couldn't bear the thought of her getting hurt or worst getting killed, just because that's what he did, so saying goodbye, felt like the best thing to do, hoping she'll give up hunting, but he should've known better. He should have stayed by her side, he should have discussed his fears, the way he felt, but instead he went and broke her heart.

The four of them split up, there's to many halls, and doors too search, mostly the halls are filled with darkness, its filthy and disgusting, dried splattered blood on the walls, scattered human bones on the cement floors. There's scratching sounds coming from one of the rooms, the gun in Dean's hand is loaded, opening the door, unsure of what he's going to find, he's skin crawling as a bunch of rats, runs past him, some over his feet, slapping against his legs, whispering underneath his breath, "damn filth". He's heart, beating out of his chest, the more he walks in the darkness the more he can feel the darkness entering his mind, his heart, every grain of his very being.

He stopped in his tracks, the moment he saw her, hanging by chain's, her whole body is slumped over, hair covering her face, he can't make out if she's still breathing, for what felt like an eternity, he froze, almost too afraid to take a closer look. Striding closer till he's right in front of her, he gently takes her face in his hands, concern painted on his face, a burning pain in his chest, her beautiful face is bruised, and bloodied, her breathing faint, but still there, his voice hushed "Sweetheart, can you hear me"

Watching her open her eyes, was a beautiful site, she looked tired, a smile across her busted lips, "Dean,"

"Yes sweetheart I'm here, I'm sorry, I love you" he declared.

Sobbing now, "I... I thought I lost you forever"

"Baby, you'll always have me, always you hear me" he pleaded

Before she could answer a couple of men appeared out of the shadows. There were maybe six or seven, Dean got up, in a fighting stance ready to beat the crap out of them, he started punching and kicking his way, through the men, it wasn't until the last one hit the ground that he'd stop, blood splatters across his face, glancing over at her, he hears the familiar voice of Dick Roman "crashing the party are we?"

"Yeah well I didn't receive an invite so thought I'll invite myself" Dean smirked. He drew his gun, knowing it won't really help, but it's more a habit, "What do you want?" He questioned

Crude laughter fills the air, "I want you to pay Dean" he snapped his fingers, more men came running towards Dean, he tried his best, but he was one against, all of them, they over powered him, one clocked him against the head, in his unconscious state, they were tying him to a chair with chains, facing you.

It didn't take long before they were beating you, biting your lower lip, not wanting to give them the pleasure of seeing you in so much pain, you could taste the blood on the tip on your lip.

Dick Roman came walking towards you, dagger in hand, hoping he couldn't see the pain, and fear in your eyes, your eyes pierced his, he didn't say a single word, he pushed that dagger, through the skin and bone, wedging it between your ribs. Your scream filling the dark room.

Dean's eyes flung open, he's jaw clenched, he's voice angered and defeated "NO BABE" he shouted.

"Ah poor Dean Winchester" he laughed

Dean's green eyes, now almost black, "I'm going to kill, I promise you that"

Laughter filled the air, once again, it didn't last long though, surprised he glanced at them, Sam, Cas, Crowley and Benny, all four off them stood their bloodied and beaten, but ready to fight. All four of them started fighting and killing their way towards Dean and you, Crowley was the first one to stand next too Dean, his British voice almost inaudible "This belongs to you" he's face lit up with a sly smile.

Dean looked at him all confused, "I thought you threw this in the sea somewhere"

Crowley just shrugs his shoulders. The moment he placed that blade in Dean's hands he could feel the mark, turning a fiery red, the power pulsing through his veins, it didn't take long for the effects to take control of him, breaking loose out of the chain's, he faces Dick Roman, a smirk on his lips, he's features darkens. Taking that blade right too his chest, he kept going over and over, not stopping for a second, driving the blade further and deeper into his now lifeless body.

Sam tried to make him stop, even Cas, Benny and Crowley, but it didn't work.

Your voice brittle, revealing the pain, "Dean stop, please Baby"

Immediately stopping, he threw the blade down, running towards you, his eyes pleading, his voice soft "Sweetheart I'm so sorry" cupping your face, kissing your lips, holding you close to him, as Cas and Sam unlocks the chains, your body went limb, all you could feel is his hands holding you upright. Staring into his emerald green eyes, mouthing "I love you" the last thing you catches a glimpse off, was the light in his eyes as he replied "I love you too, Sweetheart, come back to me, come home please"

 It's been almost three years since that dreadful day, smiling now, if it weren't for Dean begging Cas to save you, you wouldn't be here baking your husband his birthday pie, getting ready for the barbeque, with your good friends Sam, Cas, Benny and yes even dear old Crowley.

Did you and the Winchester Brothers stop hunting, no, of course not, but the two of you have each other and that's all you'll ever need, whenever your lost, knowing Dean's your lighthouse showing you the way home, with those beautiful green eyes.

[cornbread-but-cringey]

Cornbread's Texture Fixer Devlog v0.9.0 - Beta 6 December 8th, 2024

i've decided i'm going to be doing weekly devlogs for whatever pack i'm working on at the time. primarily so this blog (pretend i posted this to the mc sideblog; i saved the draft wrong) isn't overrun with my responses to the vanilla change logs, but also, it adds a bit of structure to this whole thing. (well, i say this, but i've also put this off by multiple days).

anyway, first things first, i have updated my fix to the sides of grass blocks to account for the pale garden. (vanilla on left, resource pack on right)

it isn't perfect, but that's mostly because minecraft's biome blending as a whole isn't perfect.

also, i only included the colors for transitions to dark forests, birch forests and groves, since i'm contemplating increasing the number of colors for each biome transition again. that'd be a lot of work for something that i don't even know if it'll be more accurate, so i haven't yet come to a decision, but once i do, i will finish the pale garden biome transitions.

these are the only transitions i even found generating naturally anyway, and bedrock edition does not yet have /fillbiome, so this shouldn't be noticeable in-game, but if it is, i would appreciate if people told me.

i fixed the issue this pack was having with cobblestone walls, as i said i would.

i removed the textures for the different types of nether bricks, since vanilla fixed their issue, but to match them (and other kinds of bricks), i shifted the texture for mud bricks over a pixel to the left, so that the stuff in between the bricks (i forgor what it's called) is on the right side.

in very early versions, this pack and Conglomeration were initially meant to be one and the same, but that ended up getting changed. while a bunch of features got removed in favor of just having them in conglomeration, bedrock edition's green item slot highlight is just really ugly, and so the java-edition-styled highlights stayed in the pack for a long time, up until their removal in Beta 5.

i reverted that back.

turns out, the green slot highlight, apart from being really ugly, is also really difficult to work with from a creative perspective. particularly, in the crafter screen and the new bundle tooltip (bundle ui changed slightly in game version 1.21.50).

so i re-implemented all the JE-styled highlights i had from Beta 4. (i also reverted the changes to the buttons on the beacon screen, since those use the same color palette). there were some small changes to the json, but those aren't super important. what is important is that these changes meant i had to start paying attention to the bundle ui, which, of course, is off center. so i fixed that.

sidenote, but you ever notice that light blue and light gray bundles have long enough names to stretch the ui?? java edition has its bundle ui pre-stretched to deal with this, which is kinda silly imo.

anyway, i also did the highlight inside the bundle ui:

this is mostly accurate to java edition, except the slot background doesn't disappear when the highlight is visible, since the background of the tooltip is already opaque (and therefore inaccurate) anyway.

this uses two different textures (directly adapted from the java edition textures) because i couldn't get it accurate otherwise, but it might still be technically better optimized than vanilla, since it isn't needlessly checking whether touch controls are being used (selecting an item with touch controls instantly closes the bundle ui).

speaking of which, i also fixed bundles with pocket ui.

i'm holding off on pocket ui until the end of this pack's development, but i figured since i'm already here and pocket bundles are in the same file as classic bundles, i might as well.

aaaaand before we leave bundle land, i just want to say that Beta 5 has an issue where a closed bundle is visible behind the open bundle when scrolling through a bundle's contents in a crafting grid specifically. i don't have an installation of Beta 5 right now to show this off with, but i fixed it.

one of my favorite parts of this pack is the way it changes the recipe book (/creative inventory). in vanilla, as with the rest of the ui, things are just kinda scaled willy nilly. the scrolling part of the recipe book doesn't quite fit into the space allotted, but this pack fixes that. (would you believe me if i said it was difficult? you shouldn't, because that would be me lying.)

one of the things this pack neglected to fix previously was the length that the recipe book scrolls. in vanilla, as with some other parts of the ui, the recipe book scrolls down farther than it should, leaving a noticeable gap between the buttons and the bottom of the scrolling area.

i didn't previously have any idea what the issue was on account of scrolling panels being complicated, but i've since messed around with dropdowns, learning a lot about scrolling in the process. the issue was the exact first thing i thought to check. mojang should be ashamed.

Holy Shit It's So FUCKING SNUG!!!!!!!

last things last, mojang added an option to the GUI Log Level dropdown in the settings screen, making it scroll. this pack previously made it not be considered scrolling, since it didn't scroll before, but now that it does, this change has been reverted, with the fixes for scrolling dropdowns now in effect.

[little-mouse-adventures]

Character asks: Maia - 12; Felix Harrowgate - 31; Butler - 17 and 35 please :D

12. Crack headcanon (Maia)

Boy's tall. Idk if that's canon or not, or how much of a crack headcanon it is, but like. His grandfather apparently towered over everyone, and I think it would be funny if Maia also becomes incredibly tall and no one really notices. He's still very quiet and polite and shy, so he just kind of looks like an awkward and adorable beanpole and no one thinks much of it. And then one day he goes full Edrahasivar VII and just dominates the entire room. Suddenly everyone is very aware that their Emperor is at Hozier-levels of tallness, and can very easily look down on damn near anyone he pleases. (After Maia is done putting the fear of the gods into whomever irritated him, he looks around and everyone is staring at him wide-eyed, suddenly remembering that this is the Emperor and not just some stand-in, and Maia has no idea how to react except to very politely ask Csevet to fetch everyone some calming tea)

31. If the had a tumblr what would it look like? (Felix Harrowgate)

Oh god. At first, before the events of the series, it's a collection of holier-than-thou vagueposts and long essays about obscure magical texts, and some length arguments about how wrong some of those texts are. Occasional vanity selfies, the kind where he pretends it wasn't a selfie and was just a casual picture someone happened to take of his best angle, while he was wearing his best jacket and had his hair just so.

Then shit goes down for him, and while he doesn't use tumblr much during his bout of madness, the few times he does it's to post borderline incomprehensible ramblings about the animal heads around him and what that means and the fantome in the tower and other such things, that those who followed him are all like. "Uh. you good, bro?" (he doesn't answer and disappears for another three months before his next post about the ghosts in the maze).

After the Troia adventure, there's a lot of the same kind of long-winded magical essays and arguments, but now they've shifted from being obscure topics to being slightly taboo topics. Lots of aesthetic pictures where he wonders if anyone else can see the ghosts or the noirance, and people start to think he's trolling.

In exile, again, long bout of ghosting. When he starts posting again, it consists of a lot of aesthetic pics of foxes and the Corambis countryside. There's yet more magical essays (he cannot shut up for the life of him) but they're not nearly as aggressive now, and seem more like someone wanting to share cool information rather than prove how much better and smarter he is than everyone else.

He's blocked anything to do with rubies.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them (Butler)

Honestly it really depends on what AU/ fic I'm fixating on. There's not really a hard-and-fast "oh yes this is The Blorbo through-and-through!" thing for him. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

35. Their idea of a perfect day (Butler)

April 25, not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket

Sorry. Anyways. Early morning, bit of time to himself to enjoy his coffee while he makes plans for the day. Bit of work to keep the mind occupied, interspersed with some cooking or gardening (or both, getting veggies from the garden to cook with). Someone decides to fuck around with his Principal in the afternoon, so he has a chance to be threatening and punch someone and generally engage in his dramatic side, but nothing that involves actual physical harm to his charge or himself. Then some meditation to calm down, and a chance to read his book before bed.

[fandom-hoarder]

Anybody who thinks that abomination of a TWin finale was BETTER than the spn finale or FIXED anything about it can fuck right off, tbh. Bad vibes, dnw.

Like the biggest thing about TWin is it's INSULTING.

It's insulting that it's called "the winchesters", when The Winchesters are Sam and Dean. It's insulting that those involved kept telling people to trust them and "canon we got you" and stringing people along a whole fucking pointless season. It's insulting that they claimed they were so passionate about it when it's... Like This. When clearly no one could bother to even consult the canon, or hire actors who would be faithful to the OG representations. When it feels like a really cheap cash grab, when the interviews with Robbie and Jensen tell a story of people who knew they HAD to make this work, but didn't actually have a vision or focus for it. When Danneel appears to have been given way too much creative control despite not actually watching most of spn. When her passion for the project appeared to be the clothes she and Jensen could be photographed in -- this isn't wife hate, this is sincere criticism of someone who had creative control in a project they didn't even know the canon for.

It's insulting they spent the money for good music and played actual Led Zeppelin in THIS STUPID FINALE.

I know the last seasons of spn got pretty out there, got pretty stupid and lackluster (ghosts redux but daytime? Ehh), but at least in s15 they were running through "greatest callbacks" territory. TWin was not only worse quality, it had no fucking purpose. They didn't have a STORY TO TELL at all. You think THIS was where they were originally heading with that "Dean" voiceover from the pilot, talking about the true story of his parents?

THOSE WEREN'T EVEN HIS PARENTS. THAT WASN'T EVEN THEIR STORY. AND WHY WOULD JACK RECREATE THE MULTIVERSES AND INCLUDE CHUCK'S AKRIDA FAILSAFE? WHY WOULD *DEAN* HAVE TO FIX IT IN THE FIRST PLACE? *HOW* CAN HE GIVE THEM THE COLT AND "HIS JOURNAL"🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 -- AND, WHAT, JUST LET THE COLT DISAPPEAR FROM PRIME UNIVERSE?

AND THESE PEOPLE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE SAME BEGINNING AS DEAN'S PARENTS; WHY WOULD GIVING THEM A JOURNAL EVEN HELP?

(None of these questions are important enough for an s2, mind you; this show gets the atla live action treatment--never happened, doesn't count)

THE WHOLE FUCKING REASONING IS JUST POINTLESS AND STUPID. AND THERE DIDN'T SEEM TO EVER BE ANY REAL STAKES FOR THIS SCOOBY GANG ALL SEASON. It was The Magic Tree House, with all the answers handed to them. (Not to mention the pretty bad acting I witnessed from Meg -- a too-short-to-be-Mary-when-Drake-is-that-tall Claire lookalike I'm supposed to believe as Mary🙄 --and the total lack of JohnMary chemistry, and the weird af lore breaking holywater!hair vamp splash that started as a joke and shouldn't have even made it onto the page🤦‍♀️-- if you wanted to be that kind of camp you should've just done a straightup AU spinoff, and not tried to tie this in to the OG while LYING about "canon we got you" and getting your tone all the fuck wrong)

This doesn't fix anything from spn finale--NOTHING NEEDED FIXED. Whatever gripes there may be about aspects of the spn finale, essentially it was PERFECT. THIS bullshit takes a Dean who had finally come to terms with the life they'd lived, who had his actual loved ones largely available in heaven (and Sam on earth, but knowing he'd meet Dean up there, and time is different in Heaven), and takes away any character growth the spn finale suggested-- because he's ALREADY LEARNED THIS LESSON ABOUT TRYING TO CHANGE THE PAST WTF.

Also, that was not Dean. I get that Jensen probably couldn't cut his hair or whatever, but that turtleneck sweater was not an outfit OG Dean would wear, AND Jensen seems to have forgotten how to do the Dean voice/accent. They should've said it was huntercorp!Dean or something, cuz that was not the Dean that died in 15.20 and went to Heaven and took a drive to wait for Sam.

The only correct thing in TWin finale is that Sam was still Dean's #1, and all the SamDean parallels to JohnMary throughout the show get rights for preserving that. But the JohnMary was so dull.

This ridiculous show is NOT CANON, and I hope whatever future endeavors come out of spnverse has greater respect for the OG and its fandom, and better writing and casting. (I would prefer for it to die than become another abomination.)

I'm sorry for Drake's decent acting that this was the story he got, since he seemed to actually be a fan of the og -- even though some of his comments lost him some points with me. Sorry for some of the other wannabe scooby gang actors, who should've just gotten their own spoofy spinoff. I would be happy to not see Meg in anything ever again -- not that I wish for an end to her career, just that *I* won't have to see her face act. I would also be ecstatic for the Ackles' friends to not be cast in roles they're unsuited for just so they can all work together 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 how the fuck was that supposed to be Samuel?

You make a variety show for this shit, not a fucking prequel-that's-not-a-prequel. Good grief. Get you some good people that will tell you no. Maybe talk to Jared about it, jfc. He actually gets thoughtful about his headcanons.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Some thinkee thoughts about 'the scene' and Solas's Romance. Spoilers for DAI Dragon Age Inquisition.

Okay, so, I've finished the base game part of the Solavellan playthrough. I've read a fair bit of responses to it all by now. But there're a few things I haven't yet seen. It's possible I just haven't discovered them, but I found some very salient character/story things in Solas that I want to share.

Please no spoilers on Trespasser or the books. I haven't gotten to them yet. My Inquisitor is non-binary like me, but because of how I RP her, I still use she/her or they/them pronouns for them.

For context, my real life job is an editor, and I'm a multiply published author.

The Solavellan Romance is an absolutely stunning example of a star-crossed lovers relationship. It's incredibly obvious they love one another, but due to Solas's plans and beliefs, they can't be together.

In the line 'in another world' you can sense his longing to set down his burden and just love her.

I can clearly see that it's this world, and this enby he's falling more and more in love with. But she will disappear when he works his plan. He's already in too deep. He just doesn't understand that yet.

That is the chef's kiss of star-crossed lovers. The longing, the subtle desperation, the knowledge of your love, and the deeper knowledge that you can't have it. That the stars are crossing the path of the love and severing any possibility of continuance.

All of that is beautifully crafted into Solas as a character.

I have so much professional and heartaching praise for this perfectly executed star-crossed lovers set up. Patrick Weekes deserves all the props for that. Star-crossed isn't easy to write. I know because I often write it. I have a deep weakness for star-crossed lovers, so I read it a lot too. This one was perfect.

I have to admit I don't understand all the fan reactions hating on Solas or acting as if he doesn't actually love the Inquisitor.

I mean, love or hate him, I don't personally care what people feel about him because it's a very personal thing. I just know how he makes me feel (and thus, my inky too).

But why are people questioning whether he cares about, loves, the Inquisitor? It's written all over him! Every gesture, every facial expression. Every tiny hitch in his breath.

I don't think I've seen his fear mentioned anywhere. Again, I just may have not run across it yet, but for such an integral part of that break up scene, you'd think people would be talking about it. He's running scared, utterly terrified. He's not leaving her for anything else.

Think about it. He's (likely) immortal, or at the very least nigh-immortal. Some estimates of his age are in the 5000 year bracket. From his perspective, he wakes up from a really long nap to find out the world he loved; the world in which he rebelled against the powers that were (who were possibly even his family) to save his people, only to find it has turned into something so unrecognizable that he feels honour bound to rectify his mistake. Honour is a heavy and incredibly important thing to Solas. You can see that in his reaction to Blackwall's revelation.

Solas is ashamed, grieving, planning to fix it but not sure he can. Alone, because he can't count on anyone else. (And his greatest fear is dying alone!) OF COURSE he's scared of falling in love. NOW IS NOT THE TIME must be ringing through him.

Hell, many many people are afraid of falling in love and they don't have a spot on the Dread Wolf's baggage.

Lavellan makes him feel. For a mortal. She draws his fascination away from the fade. Something he's said straight up is something that's never happened and he didn't think was possible. She jeopardizes his plans, yes. But if you've never experienced that kind of love, one thing I will say about it is this... if you fall deeply enough, there is very little that's unthinkable in reaching a place where you can have that love. That's the crux of his motivation in that scene.

That's what made him suddenly break it off. You can see it in the moment he pulls back from the kiss. He's blissed out when he's kissing her. The curve of his eyebrow and the way he has his eyes closed show that clearly. But then it hits him... he can't do this. His eyes widen just a fraction and you can see the moment he realizes he will absolutely lose himself to Lavellan. He would go down the path he's likely seen hundreds of thousands of times, falling in love. So deeply in love that he’d give up everything else for the path that would see him accept the world as it is, something he finds anathema, so he can stay in her arms, keep her, keep her freely offered love. His honour could never allow that.

Our wolfy boy is so terrified he turned tail and skeddadled with said tail tucked between his legs like the wolf he is.

I don't think I've seen even a peep about his fear. The reason he would tell everyone (and himself) for breaking things off with inky is that if his plans succeed, she won't exist anymore. There's foreshadowing on this in his personal quest with the spirit.

He believes so strongly that he needs to fix what he broke that he is cutting his heart out and leaving it on a silver platter because his people need him more than he needs his heart. That's his bedrock belief. And he can't let anything get in the way of that.

He's telling himself he has to let her go because of his plans, but that's just his excuse. Apparently, even immortal elven gods lie to themselves about love.

When he breaks it off with Lavellan, it feels like a shock because it's a shock to him as well. He took her to the waterfall to tell her the truth about himself.

His voice hitches just a little before he switches paths to tell her about the Vellaslin. I'd bet he was going to tell her who he is. But at the ultimate moment, he chickens out.

Wish I could draw better, I've got a hilarious image in my head of Solas as wolf covered in chicken feathers running full tilt away from Lavellan. Who has a silvery leash from her heart to his throat. The guy is lost already, he just doesn't know it.

He surprised them both. The depth of his feelings for her scare the shit out of him. He suddenly knows that he would give up everything for this love. He panics, and he's running scared from committing to the enby he loves.

There's an interesting bit of coincidence in that theme, and it's been used in Dragon Age before. Soilers for DAO

If you ever managed to piss off Alistair in DAO on the kingship path, (I managed it without trying hard 😅) he breaks up with you for much the same reason. His dialogue there includes 'I could get lost in you'. And that is what has sent our wolf running for the hills.

Solas has so very obviously never been in love before. He's hinted at that several times in his dialogue. TBH, I get 'virgin in the real world' vibes from Solas.

He may have had relationships with spirits, he may have done as Blackwall hinted and 'gotten frisky with a spirit in the fade'. But Lavellan is the first time (and Dreadwolf may very well prove me wrong) that Solas feels actual romantic love on the mortal plane. And for a mortal nonetheless! At the WORST possible time.

Another thing I don't see people talking about much, if at all, is how heavily neurodivergent coded Solas is.

I mean, nerdy research expert type dude who has eons of knowledge. (Walking encyclopedia thing, anyone?)

Esoteric artist using ancient methods?

Extreme reaction to an innocuous beverage like tea? (Taste/texture sensitivities anyone?)

Always on the edge of things?

Knows far more than he says?

Always observing, always learning.

He even stims in the cut scenes several times. He's heavily coded as either autistic or ADHD or both.

I've seen complaints that Solas isn't very emotive. But to me, he's screaming emotion with every gesture, every breath. Especially in the dawnlit and waterfall scenes.

I'm not even sure what to call it, animation? Modelling? What kind of name can you give moving artwork like a modern video game? Anyway, whoever took the writing part and made the visuals for Solas, I think, understood neurodivergency and enacted it perfectly.

His emotional tells are there. But, like the character himself, they're subtle.

Given how many complaints I've seen about that topic, I have to then wonder if I can see it better because I'm neurodivergent and my family is too. I'm used to reading neurodivergent people.

That's... that's not me being arrogant. Neurotypical people cannot read autistic and ADHD people very well, if at all. Our body language and facial expressions are so subtle or different that we're often accused of being angry when we're having a good time or are just deep in thought. Heard the term 'resting bitch face'? Yup. That's a common (soooo common) marker for an autistic or ADHD or autistic/ADHD person.

He's heavily neurodivergent coded, maybe that's why I don't have any trouble reading him? Are people just not picking up on all the details I do? (There's no judgement or fault in this. It's just fact. A lot of autistic and ADHD folks can't read NTs either. I can, but it’s something I learned to do vs anything innate. We're wired so differently and speak completely different non-verbal languages.)

During the waterfall scene, before the final part, he's got so much love and awe on his face and in his body language that it's so so obvious he loves Lavellan. I just can't grok the questions of does he or doesn't he. If he didn't, he'd have acted much differently.

It's just as obvious by the end of the scene that he's convinced himself he can't have her. That they can't have each other.

I've absolutely joined the Solavellan hell carousel 😆. I desperately hope Dreadwolf offers some sort of positive closure for Lavellan and Solas. I hope bioware believes in happy endings.

Aaaand my opinion is subject to change after I play Trespasser. I don't know very much of what happens in that, so I may have to eat these words.

[dropout-if]

hi izzy!! i’m not sure if you’re still doing the emoji asks hehe but can i ask for 🖍️🌈🌪️🌠☄️ for all the ros please?? thank you <3

Hi Nikka~ I'm still doing them yep🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ I was looking forward to someone asking a few of those ty💕

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

Generally, I'd tell everyone to see a therapist (I'm very tough-love-approach when it comes to giving advice so picture me saying all this menacingly).

Jade/Jean- it's okay to not be perfect, it's okay to not be needed.

Uma- your pain is valid but so is everyone else's. You should communicate more openly.

Statler- take a break. You deserve it.

Wanda- you think everything is dandy, but ignoring your problems doesn't make them disappear.

Kai- eat your veggies. Please. Take better care of yourself.

Travis- sometimes it's better to talk things out instead of bottling it all up.

🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?

Jade/Jean- “Don't be afraid to take risks and follow your dreams. Trust yourself more and remember that setbacks are just opportunities to grow stronger. And don't forget to cherish the moments with loved ones along the way.”

Uma- “Explore your creativity fearlessly. Don't worry too much about what others think. Embrace your uniqueness and let your heart guide you. Your journey is your own, and it's worth every twist and turn.”

Statler- (they're the kind of person who gives advice but doesn't really apply it to themself) “Don't be afraid to express your feelings and show vulnerability. People value your compassion and support.”

Wanda- “Don't be so trusting of people who promise you the world. Be safe. Love yourself. Take chances, have fun, and don't be afraid to express yourself. Follow your passions and let your infectious energy inspire those around you.”

Kai- “Be more confident. Care less about what people think. It's okay to be different and march to your own beat. Embrace your curiosity and dive deep into your interests.”

Travis- “Trust in your intelligence and your ability to achieve your goals. Focus on your long-term vision and don't get too caught up in petty conflicts. Your determination will lead you to success.”

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

Jade/Jean- I think J has always been J in a way. They were the first character I created for dropout and I've always had their character very clear. There's one thing that's spoilery to say but I did change their main conflict.

Uma- wasn't a tattoo artist originally, just a struggling artist trying to get through life. Uma wouldn't really want a life in which they didn't work through art, so tattooing was a very fitting solution (I was also cleaning one of my tattoos when I thought of it lol).

Statler- has probably changed the most? They used to be very stuck up and unkind they were honestly a little annoying to write? Their high school version retains some of those qualities but I like this self-sacrificing version of Statler much more.

Wanda- Gabi's dad was an important character in Wanda's plot but to my own daddy issues I completely erased him from existence lol.

Kai- wasn't originally into the whole sleeping around thing lol. They completely rejected people, even the idea of friendship. Kai atm is much more approachable, they want to be around people (but not too much).

Travis- there used to be no grievances between Travis and MC. He was the third best friend but as I developed his backstory... things changed. It's made his entire disposition towards MC generally more angry.

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

Jade/Jean- unparalleled success and recognition. Also enough motivation to finish their book.

Uma- inspiration to finally create a painting worthy of being in an art gallery.

Statler- world peace + the ability to heal and bring happiness to those they care about.

Wanda- to change the past.

Kai- to travel the entire world for the rest of their life.

Travis- complete control over his own destiny and the ability to shape the future.

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

Jade/Jean- J is always confident and has their life together. It is accurate to an extent. While J exudes confidence, they also struggle with their own insecurities, moods, and past regrets.

Uma- people often see Uma as carefree/careless and aloof. Uma is indeed a little serious toward strangers, but this is not the case with their friends. They also have a deep emotional complexity beneath their carefree exterior.

Statler- their life is perfect, as Statler themself is perfect. People also assume Statler is always the dependable and caring friend. They are most definitely not perfect, nor they have had the perfect life. Statler's caring nature is genuine, but they also grapple with their own challenges, including Noir.

Wanda- people tend to think Wanda is careless and naive due to her bubbly/vibrant personality. Wanda generally portrays a positive disposition, but she faces her own struggles as a single mother and has her own set of concerns.

Kai- a carefree fuckgirl/boy who doesn't seem to care about anything or anyone but themself. In reality, Kai's adventurous spirit hides deeper emotions, and their relationships have more depth than meets the eye.

Travis- people assume Travis is cold and unforgiving. Though they are partly right (he is somewhat spiteful) Travis' thought process is a little more complicated than that.

[thebleedingeffect]

Hey Echo I was wondering if you had any Link headcannons you could talk about. I'm getting back into A Link Between Worlds and am feeling the childhood nostalgia

AUGGGHHHHH I HAVE SO MANY LINK HEADCANONS!! Not sure if you wanted a Link in particular, but I have a ton of headcanons for several different Link's, so I'll just do a bunch for each of them lmao.

totk/botw link:

totk link is so, so incredibly bad at telling people where he's coming and going, so much so that it's developed into a bit of a bad habit. It's one that started after he left the cave and began to gain back his past memories of pre-calamity and the life he had gone through as a royal soldier and guardian to Zelda. Basically, his old life was one strictly watched over and controlled, so nowadays, he kind of doesn't like telling anyone where he's coming and going as it grants him a sense of freedom he's never had before. Doesn't exactly help that he doesn't travel with any companions, so it's very normal for totk link to just disappear for several weeks on end.

Secretly, even though he'll be hard pressed to admit it, he likes not having any companions. He's always been a different sort of breed from any other soldier or fighter around him, even when he was young. He doesn't like traveling with anyone as it sort of feels like they're weighing him down and he can't move/fight as smoothly as he could if he was on his own.

totk link has a BIG independence thing going on, which is not exactly helped by the fact that he's just quick on his feet. It's also a whole other thing as he enjoys not having to perform the whole "perfect knight" to a constant audience. Out there in the wild, he's just him, not a guardian or knight, just him.

Secretly misses the champions, but will never mention it to Sidon, Yunobo, Riju, and Tulin, because he's afraid it'll hurt their feelings. Sometimes, in the heat of battle, he misses the weight of their powers in his chest and the reminder that they're still by his side.

Will never, never admit it, but he was secretly jealous and resentful of Zelda pre-calamity. He had long since been chosen as something special, something apart from his peers and even the already trained knights above him. He was able to go toe to toe with a grown man as a child, he drew the master sword when he was barely a pre-teen, and he trained to become Zelda's knight not long afterwards. In his mind, he always envied how Zelda was deaf to Hylia's call, because it might that she had more freedom than he would ever have. His fate was long since decided for him the moment he heard that strange sound come from the master sword.

Building off the previous bullet point: He envied her because she was able to pursue what truly made her happy, even if it was for a short time. He couldn't voice that the Goddesses' gaze upon him wasn't a comforting weight, that she still had time left. He was always the chosen hero, but she was able to be a princess and daughter before fate inevitably came for her.

Something a bit lighter! He's secretly a big old sucker for fashion and will wear truly non-appropriate battle clothing JUST because it's cute. Looking at the frostbite armor.

Has ate multiple rocks before, willingly. Has also ate straight grass. And narrowly stopped himself from getting a glob of lava. Has in fact ate a bit of gloom and it is one of the few times that he was bed-ridden for days. Proceeded to figure out how gloom-resistance food works.

oot/mm link:

Alright so, this is one of my biggest headcanons, and it has so little canon evidence for it. My sole piece of evidence is the oot manga and the fact that we have absolutely no idea who oot Link's mom was. I say this because this is my biggest oot Link headcanon: he is the younger brother of oot Zelda/Sheik.

Basically, the queen was separated shortly after giving birth to oot Link and fled to the kokori forest as it was one of the extremely few safe places to hide from the Hyrulean War. She was critically injured and knew that she would not survive long enough to flee back to the castle, so she entrusted oot Link to the deku tree before passing away.

Knows how to speak and read hylian, kokori, and gerudo! As when he was thrown out into the world after gaining the kokori emerald, he had to learn the hylian language extremely fast to know just what the hell was going on. Thankfully, he did indeed learn pretty fast and Navi helped a bunch in teaching him as well.

Secretly wishes that Sheik joined him as a companion during his adventure because he truly does like Sheik and feels much safer having someone by his side. He totally isn't extremely lonely and resents the constant distance that Sheik insists on keeping between them. He always keeps an ear out for any sightings of Sheik and chases after any promising leads.

Is actually kind of a sassy asshole... he just has a bit of an attitude, a bite to him. He can and will give you the most unimpressed, straight stare while his hands are on his hips. He has no patience for any of this, but he's still doing it, even though he's not all that happy about it.

Doesn't really start growing up maturity wise until after majoras mask. He's still mostly a kid, and carries a lot of innocence and naivety as a result.

Goes back to oot Zelda/Sheik after the events of majoras mask :]

twilight princess link:

Has issues !! Has issues!! Or aka has the horrible condition called "was forced to grow up very fast and become a big brother figure to the other children around him as he also shared the weight of the whole parenting thing."

It's hard for him to fight for himself or consider himself first as he's been caring for others since he can remember. Everything from the Ordon kids, to becoming a staple figure of the village, to handling whatever responsibilities thrown at him, have led him to constantly serving others.

He wont admit it, as he feels extremely guilty about it, but part of him did enjoy the distance his adventure gave him from most other people. It's his fight, his responsibility, and his blood on his hands, no one else's.

After the events of twilight princess, he feels extremely out of place in Ordon and the castle. He feels too out of place in both worlds and the shit he's gone through is impossible to explain to anyone, nonetheless have them understand. He misses Midna more than words can describe.

Is secretly so, so petty when he's not forced into the "responsible" role and is actually just spite molded into a humans body. He wants to be on equal footing with someone so bad and not be forced the image of a guardian and hero 24/7. He needs to pull at someone pigtails is what I'm trying to say.

He is fishing do not approach him he is fishing he is having a good time he is relaxing and chilling the fuck out. Approach him with caution because he needs so much concentration for getting this damn fish. There will be monsters on the bank and he will still be fishing.

Actually... doesn't get along with his Zelda all that well, especially after the events of twilight princess. Both of them have major issues with grief and responsibility, and those just happen to collide in the absolute worst way that puts their relationship on the rocks. Tries his best to avoid audiences with her like the PLAGUE.

Has a septum piercing. Because I said so.

Post twilight princess, he actually has a ton of scars modeled off the twili markings thanks to his repeated transformations between human and beast. He hides the vast majority of them, but the one on his forehead is unavoidable and he dodges most questions about it.

hyrule warriors link:

GOD !!! GOODDDD !!! GOD. Okay so, I just gotta warn you now that I have so many headcanons for hw link that aren't really supported by the game. I have these headcanons because they make me happy and I like imagining him in situations.

OKAY STARTING OFF. hw link can read and speak fluent gerudo as he trained with the gerudo for several years as a sort of peace offering from the hyrulean royal family. Bridging off from that, he's one of the very, very few men allowed within gerudo walls as he proved his loyalty and willingness to fight and protect alongside the gerudo.

If he's around any gerudo for long enough, he'll start to adopt a long buried gerudo accent and it endlessly trips everyone up when it happens. It's because of this connection to the gerudo, that he also works as the hyrule ambassador to the gerudo as well as the hero of hyrule during the war.

Desperately wants a horse, wants a horse so fucking badly, but he never goes out of his way to getting one as he knows he'll get painfully attached. That and being in the middle of the war... he knows he'll just be setting himself for heartbreak, so he never gets his own horse despite the fact it would be extremely easy. Instead, he happily helps care for Zelda's horse and it's one of the very few times that you can see him smiling during the war.

Has severe survivors guilt :( so much so that he's basically mute around most people, with the exception of Zelda, Impa, and Lana. He can't make himself work up the courage to talk casually with his fellow soldiers as most either idolize him to an unhealthy degree, resent and despise him, or outright avoid him because of Cia's obsession with him. He doesn't blame the avoidance, of course, and he even understands the hatred directed towards him, which is why he never brings it up to Zelda.

He is not a flirt please believe me when I say that he is not a flirt in any sort of way and if anything flirting TERRIFIES him. He may be drop dead gorgeous, but he is not a flirt. Peace and love.

Has an extremely loose idea of his own character because he was discovered to be the hero and was immediately thrown before the eyes of Hyrule. He never had a point where he chose to take up the sword and the role of the hero, it was chosen for him before a straight up WAR started. That lack of a choice puts him apart from most other Link's because he never accepted nor took up the responsibility. The full weight of Hyrule was placed upon his shoulders without any warning and he struggles immensely in keeping a steady hand.

Blocks out the memories of having to kill traitorous soldiers. He knows he had to kill them. He knows he had to kill them because it was either him or them. He had to do it. It doesn't make the guilt sit any lighter in his stomach.

Incredibly rocky relationship with his Zelda, but as the war goes on it gets slowly better.

Truly fears Cia. 100% fears her. No amount of courage that the triforce gives him will ever remove the near instinctual terror he feels at the sight of her.

Okay a slightly nicer headcanon to sort of combat the meanness of all the rest of my previous headcanons- he blushes super easily and actually is sort of an awkward, shy guy. Also when he's allowed to feel anything but existential terror, he's actually a very mischievous and just wants to have a good time man.

skyward sword link:

I know this bitch is one of the most protective assholes on the planet. I know that there is malice in his heart and he is not above biting your hand off if you wrong him. All the while he will have the most innocent look stapled on his face.

Is actually the most bitchy of all the Link's and I will not move from this hill. His "mean" responses in game are the funniest things known to man and it endlessly amuses me seeing just how damn snappy he can be. He's a sweetheart and he's a bitch, he's multi-faceted.

Loves music!! Actually is the most musically talented of all the Link's and has a real sense of rhythm and melody! He also has a lovely singing voice that he doesn't show off a whole bunch, but it truly is a treat to hear him sing when it does happen.

Secretly looovvveeessss drama and will happily kick back and watch it unfold because he has no skin in said conflict whatsoever. If he's feeling particularly spiteful or if said person annoyed him in some way, he'll even instigate the conflict even further until they're in a figurative hole. He will hold no guilt. He is smiling and enjoying the show.

The lone night owl who is surrounded by early birds... he is in such pain cause he wants to be awake at night, but literally no one else wants to be.

A bit of an adrenaline junky... him and totk link have that in common lmao.

Uses his innocent face to his advantage and knows jussstttttt how to widdle out of trouble :) he's had to talk his way out of countless tardy excuses and having to deal with Groose that he's actually gotten pretty good at talking. If you let him talk for long enough, you'll find yourself being charmed and agreeing to something that you really, really shouldn't do.

Has so little tolerance for bullshit and he can and will draw a sword on someone if they purposely mess with him. See: Ghirahim.

Shows his love through playful bullying and the more casual and playful he is around you, the more he likes you! Sometimes, this is not a good thing because he will make it his mission to bother you.

After the events of skyward sword, he gets a bit of a tendency to be overprotective and is easier to worry thanks to the fact that he blamed himself for not saving Zelda quicker. Afterwards, he's a much lighter sleeper and doesn't sleep as well as there's a part of his brain prepared for something to go wrong.

Even if he looks calm and collected on the outside, trust that he is screaming his head off inside his brain. He's just gotten practice at controlling his reactions, but it still slips at times.

Super emotive! He actually moves his body a ton when he talks and he just emotes easily and frequently without even thinking about it. Zelda has made it a bit of a skill of dodging him if he gets super into a rant or topic. She loves him but he can and WILL run right into her and knock them both over.

And one general headcanon: They all want a challenging fight so bad that it makes them look stupid.

I'm sure I have more, but I spent a worrying amount of time on this so!! I hope you enjoy them!! :D and I hope you enjoy link between worlds!

[local-pr1nter]

EVEN MORE AOT X DA DRABBLES CAUSE SOMETHING JUST HIT ME-

TW!!! Same as the rest of the series of posts, canon typical murder and death (AoT), along with implied thoughts of harm to ones self (it's mentioned very briefly and I don't go into extreme detail- but still, please avoid or skip past this post if you're uncomfortable with that sort of thing!!!)

Okay so Mondo would be the armored titan and one of the warriors sent to Paradis right. Physically he's the strongest out of them, and has the strongest capabilities as a leader. He still has his flaws of course, mostly his big heart and how quickly he gets attached to someone he cares about. He definitely got distracted from the mission while posing as a cadet, enjoying his freedom as a soldier instead of a warrior back on Marley.

He however doesn't have much waiting for him back at Marley. His father isn't present, potentially leaving him with his mom. He may have had friends in the other warriors, but they all had families to go back to. What did he have?

This is where the angst comes in.

I'm thinking that it was mostly him and Daiya growing up. Their father was never there and their mother was either dead/disappeared/or was working 24/7 and couldn't do much else but send them money so they had food on the table. So, the two brothers had to watch each other's back- they were all they had.

Then, Daiya considers the warrior program.

Maybe, if he became an honorary Marleyan, their father would come back. Maybe his mother wouldn't have to work so hard. Maybe he wouldn't be forced to break his back so he and Mondo can barely survive. Maybe, and just maybe, Marley would give them a break

And so, Daiya decided he would become a warrior candidate- and he aimed to inherit the armored titan. Mondo would've joined him, to try and inherit a titan of his own- but Daiya said no, as he was doing this for Mondos sake. He wanted Mondo to live a long, happy life, even if it was in the zone. He couldn't let him throw all of that potential away for a mere 13 years.

And so, Mondo could only watch as his brother trained alongside the other candidates- he was older than most of them, but he was determined, pushing himself to catch the attention of Marley- to show that he was capable of wielding the power of a titan.

And it would've worked, if he hadn't gotten caught up with the resistance. It only brought him the wrong kind of attention.

And so, Mondo was left alone. His mother was never there, his father was gone, and now Daiya was being sent to Paradis.

To say Mondo was devastated would be an understatement. He had no idea what to do anymore- he was only just hitting fifteen years old- what could he even do?

He thought about giving up, only to be stopped by another warrior candidate- specifically, Kiyotaka, who knew Daiya. Taka relates to him and pushes him to keep going- he can't give up now.

And so, encouraged by Taka, Mondo does the one thing he can do; join the warrior program and inherit the armored titan. He would finish what Daiya started once and for all.

And holy shit he's probably the perfect candidate to inherit the armored titan. He proves his loyalty to Marley through his dedication and hard work, quickly putting him up with the rest of the ones to inherit a titan.

He finally has something he can be proud of- something positive in this shitty world. And now, believing he's proven to Daiya that he's just as capable as he is, redeeming his name, he puts all his effort into being the best armor there ever was.

So imagine how torn he becomes when hes forced to head to Paradis and kill the devils- only to discover they're just like him and Daiya. He gets attached quickly, finding friends in the 104th and relating to a lot of them. This is probably the happiest he's ever been- and most importantly, he's free.

But then he would be presented with the hardest choice of his life; betray his fellow warriors and pursue a good life, like Daiya wanted, or betray the 104th and ensure his name and Daiyas legacy were redeemed.

GAHHH THIS IS SORT OF INCOHERENT AS ITS MIDNIGHT BUT IT JUST POPPED UP IN MY HEAD AND I HAD TO WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE I PASSED OUT

[literaryoblivion]

Abandoned WIP--Any Ship

As stated before, this is an abandoned WIP snippet. I’ll tag them with #my abandoned WIPs to organize it. If you see any and are so inspired by any of these to either create your own or finish, PLEASE tag me! I’d love to see if someone was able to take it and run with it since it stalled out for me.

This is an idea for a Soulmate AU I had that could work for any ship:

OK so I may or may not have been reading a lot of soulmark AU fics recently and like I HAD AN IDEA, but like I need to work through it... soooo bare with me here. OK, so like the usual holds true, meaning your soulmark appears on you (I don't know where, it doesn't quite matter) and it's someone's name, and it appears sometime during your adolescence. (Like it's part of the whole your body is changing! rhetoric that gets taught). BUUUUT here's my idea/twist. At some point in your life, I'm thinking like LATE teens/20s when you're in college/becoming an adult, the name disappears from your body. And it's gone for like a year or two, and during that time you can either try to find the person that was originally on your body, or you can choose to be with someone else or choose to not be with anyone. Like, it's almost like a Rumspringa (like with the Amish) and you have this period in your life where you can like chose your own mate/soulmate, or reject them, or chose to stay with the one the fates had said was your original perfect match. And then after that period, a name reappears on your body. And sometimes it's the same as before, and sometimes it's different, and sometimes it never comes back. It like... it's almost like fate/destiny gives you a chance to take things into your own hands. And of course some people run with it, like they're like no way can some rando whose name appeared on my body when I was 12 could be it for me, so they use the blankness period (IDK I just thought of that I don't like it, it's a working name) to meet as many as they can to see if they can find someone better. And I could see this resulting in so many results too. Like, someone picks someone that they know is perfect that doesn't match their soulmark at all and then when the soulmark comes back it's not the person they picked, and maybe it's not even the original person they had! IDK I could keep going in this vein but y'all get it. And then I would think, if you meet your soulmate BEFORE the blankness period, it would never go away, OR maybe it still does and you each have to decide during that time if you'll stay together or go your separate ways. Anyway, what do y'all think? I would also think that if during the blankness your original soulmate decided to chose someone else (or no one at all) and it stuck, then you would have someone else or no one either, and like it just kind of emphasizes the point that there's not ONLY ONE person EVER for you But no one ever realizes that part of the whole thing, like these people chose to eff fate and do what they want, but really it was never just one person and you could always change your mind and that's the point? 

hahaha, I just think it'd be cool. Like I get that people love the idea of a soulmate, and that's there for those people, but what about others that don't or like their soulmate dies or doesn't want them and then they're left alone? And so it's almost like no, you're not. And fate/destiny what have you is like, it's okay, you'll find your person, and maybe we give you a name to help you out and get you started, and that person is pretty great, but they're not the end all be all. you get to decide that.

Another soulmate AU that can work for any ship:

Ok, so you know those soulmate AUs where the first thing your soulmate says to you is written on your arm or whatever? Well what IF your soulmate is deaf/can't speak and so nothing ever gets tattooed on your arm, and you're like sad and depressed bc you are living your life with the knowledge that you have no soulmate bc the universe doesn't see fit to give you one, and you're just so sad about it bc everyone else has phrases and lines from their soulmate tattooed on them and you have nothing. So when you finally do meet the really cute guy with wide eyes and gorgeous smile, you don't think anything of it bc he doesn't say anything to you, so you think maybe you won't say anything either, but despite how much of a hurry you're in, you decided to say hi anyway and let's say you're in a bookstore, and he's looking at books and he just so happens to be looking at the display of your favorite book so you go up to him and say, "you know, this one is my favorite," and he doesn't budge, so you clear your throat and tap him on the shoulder and he turns to look at you and you repeat yourself, and he's staring at your lips and when you're done, his eyes widen and he grins and you're kind of confused, but you smile, and then he lifts up his sleeve to show you his arm and the line you just said is written there. and he moves his hands, but you don't know what it means, but you do recognize that it's sign language, and suddenly, everything makes sense and maybe the universe doesn't hate you after all, you just didn't understand what it was trying to say.

[annbourbon]

Harry was not sure when she started looking different in his eyes. Maybe since the very beginning. The way she answered back was unlike anyone he ever met after all. Maybe it was because of her childish behavior. Or the day they went together on a trip.

Or maybe it was since the angel came and tried to take her away from him. His possessiveness towards her took him by surprise. The bird couldn't be more happy about it of course, but somehow, he managed to shut it up.

Surely the stupid song she suggested was playing tricks on his mind. Because under the led lights, and with the moon behind them, something in the spring air made him realize her eyes were glimmering in a different way.

A strange feeling sank on his stomach while he held her in his arms and led her to the dance floor. Her shampoo reached his nostrils and made him hug her, she looked confused for a moment but returned the hug, all Harry wanted was for that moment to last forever but it was starting to get awkward. She was way more tiny than him but that didn't stopped him. Dancing was also not his best skill but she loved it so they there were, sharing their first dance together.

Once he finished hugging her, his companion looked like she was about to disappear in his arms, like some kind of twisted spell. And the worse thing was that he could not bring himself to say anything but his anxiety kept creeping in. Apparently his usually chatty friend was experiencing something similar because she didn't say a word. He felt his cheeks burning and had to step a bit to breathe leaving her in middle of the dance floor.

"What is this?" He didn't want to ruin something that was already perfect.

"Is it, really?" asked the bird on his phone like it could read his mind. He turned around but couldn't find her anywhere near him. A cold breeze went through the place and she appeared near him with beverages for him and herself.

"You looked like you needed sparkling water..." Said her, but the moonlight made her look lovely and there was no way she could do anything at the moment with her hands busy holding the drinks, so he looked at her for a good minute before he cursed under his breath and reached for her lips.

She shivered under him, but returned the kiss. And the night couldn't be more perfect now.

"No~" Said she, lightly pushing him away. He could see her heart breaking into tiny pieces. That damn angel was holding her captive in a mental prison. Unless he found it she would never be able to free her from it. She had been distant. Cold even. And Harry hated it. He wanted her back.

Harry woke up sweating and cursing the full moon again, because when he tried to reach for her, she was not there.

---------------------------------

N/A: Just something I created because my laptop is not working rn (updates and stuff) and I've been crying a lot after the angel appeared... seems like Harry truly doesn't like me.... even more, he hates me, according to the angel... I never really realized that one of my biggest fears is being hated by someone I like... no, I love, so much. I think I also owe a huge apology to whoever I have ever hurt with my words. If the pain you suffered it's similar to mine... I'm truly sorry. I'm in so much pain I cannot think properly so this has not been properly edited but I still hope you guys like it.

[keriweird]

Tagged by the one and only @nightmarestudio606

Answer the questions from your OC's POV

Tagging: @ghostxofxartemis @illusivesoul

& anyone else who wants to play

name ➔ Johnny Isamu Shepard-Itō

are you single ➔ … kinda? I guess? Mmm maybe not really? But kind of? I guess it's technically an open thing? Not really looking though… so yeah I dunno.

are you happy ➔ …like in general? Happiest I've ever been, yeah.

are you angry ➔ about the first question? Or in general? No to both, anyway. What's the point being angry, really?

are your parents still married ➔ nnnnnope! That was a fun surprise at twenty five… or was it twenty six? Whatever, not they're not. Still best friends though which is probably what they should've always been I guess. But then I wouldn't be here so, guess it all works out.

NINE FACTS

birthplace ➔ Vancouver. Mom was stationed there for a bit.

hair colour ➔ Black as the inside of a pot of ink.

eye colour ➔ about the same as my hair, maybe a touch more on the brown side.

birthday ➔ April 11, 2154 at 0001

mood ➔ when I was born? Probably hungry and confused?

gender ➔ I'm a guy

summer or winter ➔ Summer! Definitely summer in Rio. Hotter the better. You should see my tan hehe.

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

are you in love ➔ that's… not something I get to have. Movin' on?

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ I'd like to, but… yeah that's the stuff of romance novels, y'know?

who ended your last relationship ➔ haha what relationship? Not sure it qualifies, honestly.

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Not that I know of. Gotta be loved for that, right?

are you afraid of commitments ➔ I bought a ten year passport, you tell me. Oh, you mean about love? Gotta have someone to commit to to find that one out I guess. For my best friends? They know I'm committed to them.

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ y-yeah, met up with my buddy on shore leave.

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ ha, yeah I really doubt it.

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ ever time I realize I finished my food.

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ Love if it's a novel, cus lust usually comes alongside that hehe.

lemonade or iced tea ➔ ew, neither. Too sweet. Water's fine thanks. Oh? You weren't offering? Oh. My throat is kinda dry from all this talkin' though. Be right back, there was a vending machine on my way in.

cats or dogs ➔ Hey sorry, they had like six brands of water to choose from. Crazy. Um, so yeah, I couldn't even keep sea monkeys alive, so I don't trust me with either. My dad feeds all the stray cats around the Villa, though, so I guess cats if I gotta choose. Like give me the ugliest one hehe.

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ well I've *got* many regular like acquaintance friends. Just easier to get through life that way.

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ I aon't really drink and I don't get to have romance soooo… I guess a wild night at the gym? Or maybe watch my buddy play video games. Maybe. I dunno. Next?

day or night ➔ Day, I guess. Doesn't much matter on deployment, though. I usually take the last shift as a favour for others, though.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ heh, yuuuuup. 15, tried to take my Dad's truck to a beach bonfire. Wound up in the ditch at the end of the acreage drive. So uh… hard not to get caught.

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ nope, but I *have* jumped a whole flight before!

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ …yup. Next?

wanted to disappear ➔ ….yup. would've, too. If I hadn't met my best buddy.

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ eyes that get crinkled by a smile. Boom, had it both ways hehe.

shorter or taller ➔ the other person? Taller would be cool. Not that hard since I'm only Five ten. (Yeah he's actually 5'9")

intelligence or attractive ➔ I mean, Realistically I'll say attractive, cus I only really get to look… for the most part. But in a perfect world where I get a happily ever after? I just would hope they're kind, y'know?

hook-up or relationship ➔ guess… hook-ups.

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ Of course! Wish I could spend more time at my Dad's.

would you say you have had a “messed up life” ➔ nah, pretty run of the mill.

have you ever run away from home ➔ why would I? I had it good and I knew it.

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ no. *Smiles warmly* still live with them technically. What's the point in renting a place when I'm always deployed, right?

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ That's a pretty weird question. I make friends easy, and not everyone is my favourite person, heck I even dislike a few, but hate? What's the point?

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ friends with many, close with… maybe just one.

who is your best friend ➔ *cheeky grin.* Sorry, don't think you know him.

[taka-again]

Hey one person at most that might read this, I have what I think is an unsolvable puzzle for you:

I'm german but the german part of me is dead. Has been for a long time. For reasons of PTSD or anxiety or I don't know what, I feel so horrendously uncomfortable in any german social interaction that I would not even enjoy having friends. But that's okay, I've long since accepted that and I've rebuilt myself in english. Bilingual people often have some personality differences between their languages and I've just taken that concept and run with it to the point of being like sort of able to enjoy life.

So instead I have online friends. And for short amounts of time and large amounts of money I've even been able to meet many of them on trips I've splurged my savings on recently. I love them just as much in real life and it has shown me how devastatingly lonely and pointless my life back here in germany is.

So clearly I have to get out, right? Move to an english speaking country, in with or at least in proximity of one of my friends, and finally start living for the first time. It works out doubly well because with transitioning to a new name and gender AND fleeing the country, it's the perfect way to disappear and cut out my abusive family forever (they don't know about any of this). And if that's not possible until I have an updated passport and such, I should fill the time in between with a few more of the visits I've been doing, to prepare for my life there and spend as little time suffering as possible.

Well, I asked. They don't want to. None of them. Either because they're not in a stage of their lives where they're looking for room mates or because we're simply not as close as I imagine us to be. I'm aware of course that I need them more than they need me. How couldn't I? They have families and irl friends and function well enough for school or jobs. They have lives. I can't offer them anything but love, and even that they could get easier elsewhere.

I'm not mad at them at all, they're not responsible for me, you can't force someone to love you, and between me sometimes losing speech, having mental breakdowns or simply being anxious in a foreign country, they probably realise that beneath just splitting the rent, there is also some kind of implied request that I'm asking to be mommy'd through recovery. That is too much to ask of a random gaming friend.

But I am left feeling lonely and devastated. The notion of simply moving to an english speaking country all on my own and having to find a way to survive alone just the same as here is so daunting (and doesn't fix the loneliness) that looking forward to it doesn't get me through the months of suffering still left in germany.

So the puzzle is what am I supposed to do NOW? I'm not talking about my eventual living situation I mean how am I supposed to make it through the extreme depressive episode that was brought on by all this? When every single thing outside is german and that won't change for more than half a year. When my usual escape to the internet feels ruined and my friends feel awkward around me for having had to turn me down. When I just had so much hope and a specific idea of how life could be bearable some day but it's so far away and time doesn't pass when depression makes me incapable of enjoying anything anymore.

I've tried everything. I've picked up a job that accommodates my autistic/adhd needs better than any before, but when you're so depressed you can hardly stand up, any job is crushingly difficult. I've tried picking up new games and shows but I just don't enjoy anything anymore. I've tried antidepressants, I've been in therapy all my life. Nothing helps. I think a big reason I'm on HRT is just because it has been such a miracle cure for the mental health of my trans friends and I just wish it was that simple for me. Why do everyone's problems seem solvable except mine? I'm 27 now and things have still never gotten better, some only got worse. What else do people do to cope? I don't see the appeal in self harm but I'm considering it. I don't know how to get drugs but I kinda don't want them anyway cause I constantly have to drive back and forth between home and an airbnb cause I cant sleep at home due to repairs. I'm also expecting to get yelled at by the janitor any day now because he'll see how dirty my place is and give me a massive list of things to do that I can't do. I attempted suicide twice last week and I have no better plan than to keep trying that.

For tl;dr read the first 1-2 sentences of each paragraph

[behindthedesk]

Wednesday November 8th, 2023: Let your heart out, Eliza.

It's a Wednesday night and, like usual, I'm sitting in my room, alone, and not sure what to do with myself. I spent yesterday and today cooped up in my room and didn't go out much besides going out for a walk, get take-out, or walk with my older sister. The usual. To defend myself, I do have a nasty cold, so I did mostly just sleep through these last 48 hours. Even with that justification, it doesn't make me feel any better.

I'm so bored. My life feels like an endless cycle of the social highs of work and the deep, depressive lows of having days off. I am 22 years old and yet I feel so...alone. I feel like an anomaly. Everyone I knew from four years ago has all but disappeared from life and have been replaced by a new set of characters. That change wasn't subtle, and I still feel like I'm getting used to it. I didn't feel like this two months ago, but I do now. I wish I had a life outside of work.

Look, I get the whole #unwind and #liveyourtruth kind of deal about it being okay about being a homebody and enjoying spending your off days alone and by yourself. My sister is like that and she's living proof that it works out great for people. Between 2017-2018 she spent most of her time in her room and not leaving home only for her to be unaffected when she went back to college - and actually got better grades than when she was in high school. I'm introverted and I love and need time to myself, but I just need to feel alive.

If I'm being completely honest, I wish I was in college. If things went as planned, I'd be in my senior year of college and be on track to a get a political science degree. Obviously, that didn't happen. Most of the people I want to know or keep in contact with that are my age are either in schools away from here or are just as lost as me but are at least wandering about, exploring. For me, I'm stuck behind a customer service desk.

Isn't that the perfect segway.

I'm going to begin this blog just to let out my feelings about my life. I don't expect anything to come of this besides just getting my thoughts out. I tried recently to write out my heart on my typewriter but that lasted a good two days - also, like, those keys can hurt my fingers omg. I work in customer service and am one of those people you hear your cashiers page for a "(blank) leader" when they need help. I do a little bit of everything in the front end of a grocery store. I don't really want to go back to work tomorrow because some of my favorite people won't be there.

I'm going to use anonymous, fake names to talk about the people I know to give them and me privacy. I think it's fair if I'm going to vent about them on the internet.

Tomorrow I won't have Joceyln, Deanna, or Torin. It's like the trifecta of help I won't get. I will have Rona at least, but she will come later in the evening. Carson will be there, but he will get on my nerves. Katie will need me to tell her what to do. I will have to deal with Kelsey and Christina for my first half. Hopefully Kelsey will keep her mouth shut.

Maybe this the first and only post I will make, but who knows. Let's see how my attention span will allow me to keep doing this.

I listened to the album "Now and Then" by Eliza & The Delusionals when I wrote this. Such a good album and band!

-

G

[mimichuuz]

"You're too young to let the world break you" is REALLY hitting me rn.

Not to victimize myself, but life hasn't been so kind to me. Although most of my biggest problems are now in the past, they've left everlasting effects on me. Was homeless & physically abused. Now I have to be in control of money. Even if its not mine. Can't tell if its just a fear of older men or maybe just my dad. Hell maybe not either. Just this uneasy feeling around them. Now I got an eating disorder, have to harm myself so I don't harm others, 2 felonies, ankle monitor, anger issues, sleep issues, and all that other shit which is probably caused by my own mental health. Hate this shit so much. I hate living. I can't kill myself bc I have some things I'd rather enjoy than die, but if I were to somehow end up in a bad situation, I'd let it kill me. Like that time I lit all that shit on fire in my apartment. Literally couldn't breath but I just layed down with my music playing and closed my eyes. Until the cops found me ofc. Hate this all. Please kill me. Let me rest. There are ppl who have it WAY worse than I do, and they're just living on. I have few problems compared to them yet I can't even handle getting out of bed. It just shows how weak I am. I am too weak to go on. Please just kill me and let me rest. If I can't manage simple things like leaving my bed and home or eating properly, doesn't that just show that its better to leave me dead? If I do have to keep living, I want to be so heavily on pills that I'm just like a vegetable. Just no cares at all. I can't talk to anyone at all. My friends wouldn't understand bc we have different lives, my family would use everything against me, my therapist still works for the county or government or whoever, so I could probably get taken from my mom if I tell her everything. Although my mom has put me through some shit, I would like to be with her. I know I'm probably safer with her and we still have some good times. I wish I could do the same with my dad. He's still in my life but i know he still hates me. Apparently he loved me when I was a baby, but as I grew up and developed my own opinions and became close with my mom, he hated me. That started in like 1st grade. I'm now in 9th and its still the same. He tries to hang around when other ppl mention how he treats me, but ofc that only lasts a bit. Then it happens all over again. I wish he loved me like he does my sister. They've always been close. He compliments her and gets her things. Last time my dad complimented me was when I was in 4th grade. Last thing he gave me was a bracelet he found on the ground in front of a hotel when i was in 5th grade. I still cherish it. Why am I never good enough? For my parents, for my family, or myself. It's not hard to be the perfect girl. I just need to lose more weight, hide my flaws, attend school, and be pretty. Then everyone will love me. My parents would accept me. Its so easy but why can't I do it? I've only lost 17 pounds. It should've been WAY more by now but nooo I had to develop an eating disorder and fuck up my eating and metabolism. All of my flaws are mental but they seem to show physically. My eye bags, bruised body, discolored skin, messy clothing. Its gross. I had to stop attending school bc every time I did, I just shut down or almost harmed myself or my peers. I was way prettier when I weighed 92 pounds but ofc my fat ass tried to recover and went up to 105. And now I'm stuck at that number. I hate everything. I want to disappear. I want to go. But ofc, I'm just a 14 year old girl. Everyone says I have no real problems, im being dramatic, or just blow off my issues when I speak up. I don't know if I should listen to them and quit my mental help stuff so I can go completely insane or continue attending and working to better myself. All this shit constantly and I'm just 14. I want it to end already.