#i'm still the same
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Sometimes I want to be more open about who I am: my gender, my sexuality but then I remembered that I am not like that, never have been, always keep things to myself. I’m just very introvert really, I really don’t know how to share and be open, is a hard thing to do specially with family, and most of the time I don’t want to share anything but yeah, the key word here is sometimes
#one day an aunt told me i was the most stoic kid she had ever met#and it says so much about who i am#i'm still the same#funny thing is I'm a really masc 'woman'#anybody who sees me on the streets probably thinks I'm a lesbian#or that I want be something else#which true i guess#transmasc#bisexuality
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Lyra, my beloved cat of 13 years, passed away this year on Father's Day. She's been by my side through very difficult times and was my little rock of steady and unrelenting love. I struggled a lot drawing this, and struggled a lot posting it, but I know I would've wanted to read a comic like this that validated my grief for her when I lost her.
Wherever you are, Lyra my little summer star, I love you always! Thank you for being the best thing in my life.
#my art#comic#comics#pet loss#grief#dealing with grief#truly did not think I would survive her loss#it has been very difficult if I can be honest#it's been 6 months and I still cry most days#But currently I have a foster cat in my home#She's not at all the same as Lyra#But I'm learning the capacity of my heart to grow larger to allow another cat to live in it#my heart is a home to many cats
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Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.
All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.
#your brother is a vampire. he's sitting across the table from you chatting with your mother about her day#and he's dead and he's gone and he's never coming back.#he laughs the same and he talks the same but his arm is cold when he grabs you in a headlock and your dog won't be in the same room with hi#he'll still hang around watching TV with you and give you wedgies and make stupid jokes#but you can't tell him about the bullies at school anymore because this thing with your brother's face will just find them and kill them.#and not even stupid fucking Jason deserves what the monster in your dead brother's skin would do to him.#your brother is dead and lost and right there in arm's reach and gone forever with no hope of ever getting him back.#i'm sure there are corollaries to be written about like ghosts and zombies but this is the one i'm personally hung up on recently
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I won't deny I've got in my mind now
all the things I would do
So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out
how I'm imaginin' you
#I'm having a coloring identity crisis#i spent way too long on this#and i'm still not 100% happy#but at the same time i'm also so happy with how the lineart came out#oh well#zelda#the legend of zelda#zelink#breath of the wild#botw#tears of the kingdom#botw zelink#royal guard link supremacy#my art
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thanks for being a friend
[ jojamart mockumentary #17 ]
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#stardew valley#stardew valley fanart#sdv sam#sdv jodi#jojamart mockumentary#my art#i'm still on a slowdown for work and school#but i'm working on these when i get some spare time at night#it's how i get my fun in#also this is based on the fact that jodi sends you the recipe for ice cream at seven hearts#and adds that it won her first place in a competition#she says the same thing when she sends you the calamari recipe but i'm not drawing tentacles for free
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She's not like other girls
#She's suppose to be just making a pose but she kinda looks like she's crawling out of the ocean lmao#Making quick messy backgrounds is my drawing warm up now. Seems to have the same effect as drawing circles to me anyway#Also wanna study the anatomy of this weird pose from this meme#And tbh. I still don't get it. XD#Steven Quartz Universe#Connie Maheswaran#SU#Steven Universe#my shiz#connverse#I'm not like other girls meme#meme#I'm not like other girls#I like how Connie's hair had hung like a curtain when wet (and when lying down it looks like a puddle) I have had wished to see that again#I think her hair was long enough to do that again in The Movie and in Future#skedoobles
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I remember not wanting to become a teenager back when I was a child because I thought adults were lame and miserable. How incredibly perceptive of me
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i wasn't sure exactly what i thought adult gideon should be doing, but i DO quite like the triple combination of cowboy-biker, drag queen, and used car salesman at the same time. she's always a busy person!
#gravity falls#gideon gleeful#it's a way for him to still perform and sing and express himself!!!#i also just love trans girl gideon headcanon in general but this is almost sort of my middle ground here#i think anything is fun... drag queen... genderfluid... transedgender...#i'm still not sure how i wanna do his body type and height and stuff cus i like him both short and huge#but i think his voice should stay exactly the same like thurop#i'll probably come back to this another time and reput some of this info on my art blog#i'd like to either think of a pun with gloria or have that as well as a drag name#theo was thinking morning glory as a name she could use#isnt it cute both mabel and gideon have star motifs#art
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spiritual successor to this absolute banger by @kokirizeldas and also. 👯 them.
#my art#I SO DESPERATELY NEED TO DRAW REAL THINGS..........#I'm still feeling art struggle bus so every time I think I'm just gonna do a quick thing I spend 5billion years instead smh#with that second one I was sketching out a massive thing and then slapped myself over the wrist to shrink it down and go simple#it's cuter like that anyway so why did I immediately forget to do that again !!!#colour struggle is happening I'm trying new stuff...#ALSO I just think Zelda can do rly good unsettling stares 😏#stares at you directly without blinking autism vs oof eye contact autism idk#it Is about actual telepathy ofc. same thing.#JEAN THIS IS NOT ME GETTING YOU BACK BTW this is just. one of my many detours... I have real things !!#tloz#a link to the past
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technically a FR dragon, but also just a really cool design. doodle of eearz's seraph
new watermark because this went on my bsky
#i had this oc saved in my inspiration folder for a couple years#and then all of a sudden realized it was 1. FR and 2. I'm in the same server as eearz#so I was incredibly excited to draw it. I absolutely LOVE this thing#still trying to venture into posting more non FR art... INTIMIDATING...............#flight rising#flight rising art#dragon#my art
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do I miss this person that much, or is myself destructive behavior rearing it's head again
#voice of reason#do i take the risk of reintroducing myself to that trauma again and cause more issues on top of the ones i already have#but i wan to see them now things have changed so much#they have change#i haven't changed though#i'm still the same#i'm still that person no matter how time goes
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ICJ Ruling
Okay, let's get into this.
First of all, I get the frustration at the court not ordering a ceasefire. I was disappointed and frustrated at first too, since a ceasefire was the biggest and most important preliminary measure South Africa was requesting - and of course we just all want this horror to finally end for the people in Gaza. So I get the frustration and disappointment, I really do.
However, I do think this ruling is still a major win for South Africa, Palestine, and international law as a whole and here's why:
The court acknowledged that it has jurisdiction over this case and completely dismissed Israel's request to throw out the case as a whole. It will now determine at the merits stage (that will probably take years) whether Israel is actually commiting genocide.
The court acknowledged that Palestinians are a "distinct national or ethnic group and therefore deserving of protection under the genocide convention". Pull this out next time someone tells you "there's no such thing as Palestinians, they're all just Arabs".
The court acknowledged very unambiguously that "at least some" of Israel's actions being genocidal in nature is "plausible". South Africa has a case, officially. Israel is accused of genocide, in a way the ICJ deems "plausible", officially. This is huge. (And seriously, how freaking satisfying was it to hear all of those genocidal statements by Israeli politicians read out loud and used as justification for this rulling?)
The court might not have ordered a "ceasefire" in those words, but they did order Israel to "immediately end all genocidal acts" (which includes killing and injuring Palestinians) and submit proof that they actually did. How are they going to comply with this ruling without at least severly reducing or changing what they're doing in Gaza?
In fact, this wording might actually be more appropriate for a genocide (vs a war), as author and journalist Ali Abunimah notes on Twitter:
He's completely right. Israel lost today, by overwhelming majority (I mean, 15 to 2? I heard people predict the rulings would be very close, like 9 judges vs 8, but instead we got 15 to 2 (and even 16 to 1 on the humanitarian aid). Holy shit.) The court disimissed almost everything Israel's side of lawyers said, while acknowledging that South Africa's accusations are "plausible".
And this is important especially because of Mr Abunimah's second tweet there^. Because the question is, where do we go from here?
This ruling means that Israel is officially /possibly/ commiting genocide and that should have huge international consequences. The rest of the world now HAS to take these accusations seriously and stop arming and supporting Israel - and if they won't do it on their own, we, the people, have to make them. This is THE moment to rise up all around the world, especially in the countries most supportive of Israel (the US, the UK, Germany): Protest, call your representatives and demand a ceasefire and an end of arms deliveries to Israel.
We now have a legal case to back our demands: If Israel is, according to the ICJ, "plausibly" commiting genocide, then all of our governments are, according to the ICJ, "plausibly" guiltly of aiding in genocide. And we need to hold that over their heads and demand better. We need to do that right now and in huge numbers. Most politicians only care about themselves and saving their skin. We have to make them realize that they could be accused of aiding in genocide.
(As a German, I'm thinking of Germany here in particular: After South Africa's hearing, our government dismissed their case as having "no basis" - how are they going to keep saying that now that the ICJ officially thinks otherwise? Over the last months, people here have been arrested at protests for calling what's happening in Gaza a genocide. How are the police supposed to legally keep doing that now that the ICJ has officially deemed this accusation "plausible"? I used to be scared to use the word "genocide" at protests or write it on my protest signs - not anymore, have fun trying to arrest me for that when the ICJ literally has my back on this one 🖕🏻.)
So yeah - don't be defeatist about this, don't let Israel's narrative that they "won" (they didn't) take over. This might not be everything we wanted, but it's still a good result. Don't let what the court didn't say ("ceasefire"), distract you from the very important things that they did say. Let this be your motivation to get loud and active, especially if you live in any country that supports Israel. Put pressure on your governments to not be complicit in genocide, you now officially have the highest international court on your side.
#ICJ#ICJ ruling#ICJ hearing#South Africa vs Israel#Free Palestine#Palestine#Palestinian genocide#Gaza#Germany#I get why Palestinians are disappointed and I don't want to devalue those feelings#(but maybe this can give you hope)#But thinking about this as a German this is huge#Most politicians and people here still deny (or at least strongly doubt) that there's a genocide happening#Calling it a genocide is seen as an 'extremist' position#And some of our politicians have been borderline gaslighting us and calling anyone who calls it genocide 'crazy'#So I'm just feeling immense vindication and a newfound fearlessness and motivation to be louder and more active than ever#and I hope others here feel the same#I hope the quiet masses stop being scared to say something now
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It's still interesting that TBoB called more attention to Stan's control over his mindscape (And if you go with the interpretation that the lost pages are partial truths that are heavily influenced by Bill, then he's the one insisting that only someone with training should be able to have that much control over the mind.)






Meanwhile we have a memory!Stan. Someone who apparently knows too much and is rather aware for being a simple memory.

From the Wheel of Shame, we know Bill was able dig up all kinds of dirt on Stan but... that wasn't why he was there in the first place, was it?
Bill couldn't find the code immediately despite a memory of Stan opening the safe being a few hours old at most and decided to have Mabel try find it for him (The original concept of the ep had it far more hidden but this was likely cut because of time constraints)

Ford did experiments on Stan's mind which likely meant using Project Mentem and actually looking around his mindscape, and his only reaction was to comment on his jokes-- despite what little we the audience know being enough to render us sobbing wrecks
(yes I refuse to shut up about this part cos the book's intro is extremely underrated)


Stan was able to replace his memories of Ford with the swingset instead and managed to hide Ford in his Bar Mitzvah memory. And that's not even mentioning the lack of visible Portal and Stan o' War which noticeably show up in Ford's dreamscape (the broken swingset manifesting anyway pains me tho)








He subconsciously has misdirects for his secrets that are both silly and manages to disturb everyone too
And while Bill-as-Soos being bored by the vending machine memory is a joke that's basically the crew's way of going "hey remember the thing way back in the first ep that's going to show up in the next one?" and in-universe appears to be Stan slipping up, it's interesting that they had Stan input the wrong code when it's consistent literally every other time its inputted (especially when it shows up correctly in the very next episode)
It's even possible that the safe code that Bill found could have been a misdirect too but we'll never know since the safe got blown open by dynamite.





Stan was able to buy time by making his mind blank despite being genuinely terrified when Bill enters his mind (to the point that he breaks character and uses his own voice to yell), and could conjure up his living room (in colour opposed to his mind's regular greyscale) to make sure Bill didn't have enough room to flee, slamming the door in his face before the effects of the memory gun kicked in.
(EDIT: Random door analysis here)

And maybe the twins eventually told him that Bill had already been inside his mind after their W3 reunion, but all we know was that his conscious self was left in the dark for ages and wasn't really aware of Bill until Weirdmageddon.




TBoB showing McGucket's dreamscape also brings up the idea of the effects of the memory gun manifesting differently to each person. To Stan's mindscape, the memory wipe manifests as blue flames which immediately brings to mind Bill's powers but it's a far lighter shade (maybe to more closely match the memory gun and its eventual fade to white?)
The end of TBoB and the website poem also firmly reminds us about Stan's connection to fire but there's also the question if Stan himself is actually aware of it...
#but also j3 having ford read dipper's entries post dd&md but not having him know about the kids' encounters with bill is so kashdskahd#cos that implies he immediately skipped the pages that mentioned stan 😭and didn't read mabel's entries#oh for him to actually react to dipper's observations about stan's mindscape....#stan pines#stanley pines#bill cipher#gravity falls#gf meta#yes of course my brain is still going ' same coin theory ooooo' at this#cos i doubt that j1 has any mention of the mindscape and it's not like stan would have studied this stuff#imagine iconic hippy hater actually mediating on purpose#i'm still waving my arms about stan potentially seeing the reader's version of tbob tho#but even if that ain't the case bill having a breakdown from him reading him like a book is still iconic#dunno if this is coherent and i'm pretty sure all this stuff is things most folks know but idk some people didn't read the journal#some folks don't know about the poem!!!! truly the biggest tragedy
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As somebody who has struggled with mental health all of their life and still does, Jinx's romance with Ekko means the world to me.
I'm sick and tired of people considering mentally ill people just "not interested in love" or, on the other side, "not healthy enough to be loved". Which is utterly stupid. Ekko falling for Powder but clearly showing signs of wanting to learn more about Jinx and on his way to love her too, realizing that her damaged past and issues do change her but she's still his girl. It's brilliant writing.
He can't be a savior to her, because there's nothing to save. There's nothing to fix. The whole message Jayce gives with "there's beauty in imperfections" goes hand in hand with Powder's "sometimes taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind". Ekko goes from wanting to save her to wanting to see more of her and leaving Powder behind to know about Jinx. With Ekko loving Jinx nevertheless it shows that mentally ill people can be loved. And with Powder reciprocating and Jinx making amends with Ekko (with the romantic context behind already seen) it's breaking the whole stereotype of her being this "insane maniac with no remorse and unable to show love".
So I guess what I want to say is that their relationship would've worked in another universe, but I want to believe it could've worked in this one (with time), too.
#i'm using powder/jinx as a metaphor for better/worse mental health and trauma and how i percieve the character#powder and jinx are the same person and jinx is still her but she's different and we also have to acknowledge that. ekko too#when he's about to call her powder but changes it to jinx i am sobbing here ewjkjfbwejkefbewk#just saying this as someone who genuinely usde to believe they couldn't be loved or even love for who they were and their mental issues#jinx and ekko mean everything to me fr#arcane#timebomb#ekko arcane#jinx arcane
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Here is me being super normal about Doctor Who!! I tried on Nicolas' Ten costume today 😌
#nips photos#cosplay#nips blogs#doctor who#personal#tenth doctor#I bring you some authentic millennial tumblr girl cringe on this hot tuesday night 🥰#it's all custom made for him so it's too big on me to go out in BUT it's still so cute and comfortable and makes me happy#also found out yesterday that Nicolas shares the same suit and shoe size with David#so I couldddd bid on those suits he wore for plays and films that are being auctioned for charity rn huh much to think about (i'm broke)
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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