#i'm still pretty deep in denial in all honesty

[espionn]

im not gonna say that much about this. i didnt think i'd say anything about it at all. but im too angry, and too fucking sad. i wont get too personal but this isnt gonna be like my usual posts so be warned if you follow me for more lighthearted stuff.

i also just wanna say, i talk about myself a lot in this post. *obviously*, i am not the victim here. i have never been a victim of this situation. but it's caused me grief and fury, and this is an outlet. we should be supporting shubble and all other victims. i don't really expect anyone to read this. i just needed to write it for my own sake.

the whole wilbur soot situation is devastating. when i first heard about it, like a lot of others, i immediately shut myself into denial. i have watched this man since he joined the dream smp in 2020. i was there through the entire server, through his 100 player challenges, the sbi mccs, all of it. i was a lovejoy fan from the moment one day came out - hell, i hoped to see them in concert someday. i did countless (though probably shitty) art and writing pieces inspired by his work. it wasn't that hard to tell that he isn't someone with flawless mental health by any means. but i never thought anything like this would happen.

when i accepted that he was the abuser shubble had talked about, i was upset and confused and unhappy. but i also had hope. i hoped that maybe this had served as a wake-up call, that maybe he was getting the help he needed. maybe he'd take a break, come back with a genuine response, and then make his mental health and personal morals a priority. i hoped he was better than this.

needless to say, i am furious. "disappointed" doesn't begin to scratch the surface. i'm angry. i'm insulted. i'm embarrassed to have ever looked up to him. his response was robotic, emotionless, and gave no indication of remorse or accountability. he didn't even apologize. he claimed that he had already received help. if he has, then it clearly wasn't enough. this is not a man who's ashamed and looking to better himself, this is a man who is going to keep hurting people. and that is terrifying. i genuinely can't connect this with the person i've kept up with for 4 entire years. i can't believe it. i really can't.

this response has corporate PR bullshit dripping right off of it. this so clearly did not come from wilbur soot himself. he might not have been involved at all, beyond a glance over and an okay to whatever team did the writing. and that's the most insulting part of all. he didn't even type this up with his own words. he didn't even have the balls to make his own response. and that pisses me off.

he abused someone. probably more than one. and he didn't even acknowledge her. the 4 paragraphs of nothing are addressed to the wider audience, not shelby, the person this should be about. if this is the best he can do, i'm genuinely shocked he developed such a loyal and amazing fanbase. fucking revolting.

with all that said, i'm probably going to stop listening to lovejoy. that hurts me, a lot. that's a hard choice for me to make. but there need to be repercussions. and this is what i hope: i genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, hope he gets help. i hope he wakes up and realizes he isn't ok, and takes genuinely strives to better himself. i hope he grows and improves and becomes better for the people around him. and i hope he leaves social media permanently. that hurts me to say, but i don't think i could ever really trust him after this, and i don't think it would make his situation any better. i hope he leaves, and i hope he makes a better life for himself. it's an optimistic hope, considering how much evidence is pointing to his unwillingness to change. but i won't let go of it.

that's pretty much it. i've said my piece. i'm angry. i'm sad. i wish this was all a dream and no one ever got hurt. but shelby did get hurt, and others almost certainly did too, and no nice fancy corporate words will change that. good-bye, wilbur soot. the memories were good. i won't let you taint them. but there's no going back from this, at least on the internet. i hope you make a better life, and i hope you do it far away from anyone you have hurt or could hurt.

what a waste.

[philistiniphagottini]

- (anon from ygo dm characters)

I've been thinking for some time now, and i think i have come up with a cute sfw drabble thats fitting for the both of us! ˃ ᵕ ˂

i was thinking; gn!reader who travels along with the group and went with them on the blimp for the battle city quarterfinals (where yami marik first surfaced) and developed an unexpected liking towards him at first sight ‼️😋 they keep it a secret tho, because who wouldn't be ashamed for crushing on the bad guy who's trying with all his might to bring misfortune among your friends ╥. ╥

(this is still just a little concept!! im just eager to share since you're probably the best writer for yugioh reader inserts that i have seen yet! remember to take care! <3)

Yooo thanks for coming back and sending in a request. I'm always so happy to write yugioh stuff because I think this fandom deserves so much more. Thanks for sharing your idea, I hope you enjoy this late night plot bunny that suddenly spawned after reading it :)

CW: Yami Marik

You needed to take a walk. A very, very long walk and sort out the mess inside your head. You lost yourself among the labyrinth of winding hallways of the Battle Ship, the stage for the Battle City Quarterfinals. You had been ecstatic when your friends invited you along to watch them compete in a tournament of Duel Monsters and to top it off, you got to watch them duke it out on top of a blimp cruising over Domino city. An all-expenses paid trip from Kaiba Corporation. What more could you possibly ask for? What you thought would be a fun trip with Yugi and the gang quickly turned sour when the blimp departed. 

You rounded another corner, leading into an extensive hallway as you continued to wander aimlessly, lost in a sea of thoughts as you tried desperately to find the source of your current predicament. In all honesty, it wasn’t too hard to locate, you were still just rotting in denial. Why? Why him of all people? Why did you take an unexpected liking towards him? You ran a shaky hand through your hair, a frustrated sigh falling from your parted lips as you stared absentmindedly at the floor. You could still recall the first time you laid eyes on him, the memory still fresh in your mind as it spun on repeat over and over like a broken record. You were so ashamed of yourself for falling for the dark side of Marik the moment his alter ego came out to play. He was the bad guy, trying with all his might to bring misfortune to your friends. So why did your stomach feel a little tingly, like the delicate flap of a butterfly's wings when he looked at you? Why was your body drenched in a hot flush when he laughed so wickedly? If you closed your eyes right now, you could already hear the cruelty of it grating against your ears.

Your grip in your hair tightened, nails threatening to start ripping your hair out at the roots as you tried to claw your thoughts out of your head. You couldn’t voice your awful thoughts to anyone, especially not to your friends. They knew something was wrong with you after the gang’s first encounter with Marik’s twisted side. Everyone was a little shaken up but you were taking it pretty hard. No matter how many times Tea asked you how you were holding up, you lied and told her everything was alright. No matter how much she pried you refused to budge, lips tightly sealed in a thin line as you buried this secret so deep there wasn’t a chance anyone could pry it from you. That’s one of the other reasons you were walking along the hallways, hoping that no one would find you. 

You had already tried to talk with Kaiba to let you off this hell ride. He laughed in your face and refused your request outright. You already considered jumping ship several times. The thought sounded a little appealing. Running from your problems instead of facing them always sounded appealing. Your mind and body were fighting with each other. Your head told you that it wasn’t right but yet your heart betrayed you by yearning for someone you really shouldn’t be interested in. There were so many red flags your vision was drowned in crimson. Your head was starting to feel dizzy and if you kept pacing up and down these hallways you were eventually going to start scuffing marks along the polished floors. Maybe if you did, Kaiba would be forced to kick you off for daring to put even a speckle of dirt on his fancy, new toy.

You were so lost in your own head, a sea of thoughts threatening to drown you in the dark abyss, that you failed to take notice of your surroundings. You failed to notice the approaching footsteps and you failed to notice when your entire being was enveloped in a dark shadow. You were wrenched back into reality when you felt something snag your wrist, your raging thoughts coming to a screeching halt as you faltered in your stride. You were too slow to react and your world was sent spinning as you were dragged down the nearest dark corridor, away from the harsh light and any prying eyes. Your back flared with pain as you were promptly shoved into the wall, a sharp hiss whistling through your teeth as a loud yelp got caught in your throat. You were forced to swallow your voice as a hand clamped over your mouth, muffling your protests as you struggled in your captor’s grip. Once your eyes adjusted to the dim light, your eyes widened in silent disbelief. The very man you had been trying to avoid was staring directly at you. 

His lavender eyes pierced you down to your very core and a cold shiver crept down your spine at his close proximity. You could feel the heat of his breath against your skin as your mind kicked into overdrive, still trying to comprehend what the hell was going on. You were paralysed. Your mind screamed at you to fight, kick, scream and run. Yet your body refused to listen. You were staring directly into the gaping maw of danger, razor sharp teeth bared at your throat and you were oddly docile. Was this what it felt like to be a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car? Just complete docile to your fate?

You felt Marik’s fingers pressing into your skin, sun kissed skin pleasantly warm against your face as he dug his nails into your plump skin. 

"Scream and you won’t like the results" Marik warned. 

The apathetic stare he gave you was offset by the sinister smirk curling his lips. It was like he was goading you into giving him a reason to want to hurt you. Did he truly need one? Pain flared in your wrist as his nails pressed intimately close into your flesh, goosebumps prickling your skin as you felt your sins crawling over your back. You didn’t know whether you were liking his sudden fixation on you or loathing it. You were filled with conflicted feelings, trepidation and elation taking turns with your weary body. You felt dizzy again and the faint metallic scent clinging to Marik’s clothes made you feel nausea. You were going to be sick. Or pass out. You didn’t know which feeling was going to win in the end.  

Marik’s face hovered closer to yours and you could feel every hair on the nape of your neck standing up. Your palms felt sweaty and his proximity was not doing any good to your poor heart, your pulse hammering in your ears like the loud beat of a drum as you questioned why he was here. What did this mad man want from you? He was in no rush to answer that question, your voice still cut off by the palm of his hand as his fingernails scraped across your jaw. He tipped your head, your body not putting up much resistance as you bent to his will with such ease that the sight would be considered laughable. And you could tell by the smirk still present on his lips that Marik noticed the peculiar behaviour too. 

"Oddly placate, little lamb" he commented, mirth tinting his voice as it dripped from his mouth like a slow acting poison.

You despised the way you shivered in response yet you did nothing to stop his advances as he tipped your head, tilting it in a different direction every few seconds as he examined you. You felt like a bug being scrutinized under a microscope as he continued to examine you, eyes narrowed and brow furrowed in concentration. It looked like he was searching for something. For what, you hadn’t the foggiest. But if he just told you what he wanted, then this encounter would be over much quicker. Your knees were beginning to wobble and you weren’t sure how much longer you were going to hold out. Dizzy, you felt so dizzy. Your vision wavered slightly as your attention flicked back to Marik, a sound akin to a thoughtful hum stirring in the back of his throat as he seemed to reach a conclusion. A conclusion you prayed you would like. Or at least come out with every limb intact. 

"I’ve decided" he announced.

You raised a questioning eyebrow in response. Decided what? Care to share with the class? Unfortunately, your untimely wit was swallowed as the hand covering your mouth clamped around your face harder, making your jaw ache when you tried to dislodge your words from the back of your throat. Tears pricked the corner of your eyes from his harsh grip and it was obvious your pain only brought him further amusement. You weakly grabbed his wrist, nails scratching at his skin as you tried to catch his attention. He refused to budge. You weren’t allowed to get a word in. Marik’s face pressed closer, your panic-stricken face twisting with even more alarm as the tip of his nose brushed along yours, your vision obscured from everything else around you until only he remained. Your discomfort only added fuel to the fire and Marik found himself rather enjoying the reactions he was pulling from you.

"You’re coming with me, and you’re going to fix the turmoil you have stirred-" his voice trailed off as his hand reached for his chest, fingers clutching onto the front of his shirt like he was in pain. "In here" he concluded. 

You didn’t know how to react to those words as they slowly burrowed their way under your skin. You felt dizzy.

Dizzy.

Dizzy.

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

hiii i absolutely adore your poetry known poem, but i really want to know more about it,, could you talk a it about it please...

Hi! And yes, I would love to. You're my first ever ask, so this is kinda cool :D

Beware, this is very long.

Okay, this is basically a sort-of-analysis of my own poem. If you want to analyze it yourself, just remember to tag me because I'd love to see it!

Anyway, so I wrote it during the aftermath of a panic attack. So, I was calming down from being very distressed about something and poetry helps me. So I thought: maybe it's poetry time? And my brain agreed, it was poetry time.

I first came up with the title. My brain was set in what I call "poetry madness mode", which is whenever I end up writing poems. Idk where the idea of Poetry Known came from, but I thought it was cool so I just went with it.

From there, I wrote the first stanza. Originally, I was only going to do the one lil stanza, but then poet brain said 'nah you aint done yet' and I wrote more. Idk why exactly, but apathy has the colour of grey to me. So that's where that came from. The line, "But you, my dear, are new to me" is kind of me saying 'I havent seen you before, or maybe it's just been a while'. You'll see why in a moment.

Next stanza: originally the line, "Ink so thick, it bends" was going to something different, but it just didn't sound right for the poem. It originally was going to be, "Ink so red, blood so thick- it bends". Maybe I'll save that line for another time. Mostly this stanza is about me writing in general, how it feels to write in present time.

The third stanza was a bit of an allusion to past childhood experiences, an indirect reference to Child Me lying to myself about my situation as a way to cope. Deep down, I knew it wasn't true or good, but I so desperately wanted to believe it so I choose denial over honesty.

The fourth stanza... I honestly have no clue where that came from, nor what it means. All I know is that it hits hard for me, and idk why.

The next stanza, number five: it's more of a reference to how writing was for me in the past, as a kid. How I treated others. How I contradicted myself. How my belief of how people are was contradicting itself, and how I didn't stay true to it deep down. More of a reference to middle school me. I find it almost poetic, in a way.

Stanza Number Six: this is literally just me calling myself out on my past bs. My apathy was a mask to hide feelings and protect myself, but it never truly worked well. It's the "remains of a cremated past" because it's all the words/rules I was taught in a not-great household. And I thought, for the longest time, that was just how it normally went. And I was terrified of breaking those 'rules'.

The seventh stanza was me saying (again) how I wasn't as apathetic as Past Me swore they were. I was so convinced I was 'thunderous'- creepy and scary, and kind of an asshole. That's how I saw myself, as a bad person. But I was still incredibly kind and generous, and I couldn't bear the thought of being mean to others. If I was so dark and horrible, then why would I skip class to help others through a bad episode? Why did I compliment and remain kind to all the f*cked up and rude kids, the ones who almost never showed me kindness in return? I gave light to others even when I couldn't spare any at all. I was a safe place (I learned later in high school because those I helped literally told me) to others.

Number Eight: idk what this one is about exactly, but I'm pretty sure it's just me addressing Past Me. Saying that I was my own friend, in a way. Not much to add otherwise.

The final stanza, number nine: it's short and simple, and I really like this little couplet. It's basically telling myself that when I'm ready to look at myself and figure myself out, when I'm ready to be honest about/with myself- then I will find solace. I will be at home, truly at home, and I'll be safe and loved and okay. That I will get what I give others, one day. Someday, whenever I'm ready to start that journey.

Overall, this is basically me talking to/about my past self and my misguided child self.

I really liked how it turned out.

Thanks @fayestales for the ask! If you have any more questions or things you wanna say, just ask away.

See ya around!

[thesoundofsnowfallingfromeaves]

so my friend replied to my voice message and she is very deep in denial obviously, said she doesnt have time for rehab nor needs it (when i never even mentioned that word in my initial message), and that her "consumption" as she calls it, is directly cause by her work, which i think is partly true, but also the handiest excuse to herself and the world. She also said that she appreciates my honesty and concern but yeah thats about it.

I...did expect pretty much this but i'm still just so sad. Feels like losing a friend, because I cannot imagine being close with her til she hits the rock bottom she'll need to finally point her towards recovery, watching her lose all the good things she has in her life right now, pretending I wanna hear about her drunken and coked up nights out and hookups with other people I can't tell her (very sweet) partner about in slurred voice messages that I can barely understand, just no.

I think I'm gonna find a support group for friends&family of alcoholics cause this is honestly impacting me so much right now. I can barely think about anything else and I don't know how to cope.

[tayegi]

Part 1) I just realized something: in the first 3 or 4 chapters I totally believed that jimin was the one that solely dating both the oc and jk. I thought jk was trying to make it a more poly relationship and oc was not into that, but she kept jk as happy as she could in order to keep the peace. Turns out jk is the one who made the original proposition AND he wanted to date both jimin and oc (I'm assuming so he could be with oc). So my questions are: does jk know consciously that oc loves

Anonymous said:Know that oc only loves jimin? Does jimin consciously know that jk loves oc only? They must be aware in some way because jk rejected jimin and jimin rejected oc! I feel like oc may be the only one now aware of both the men's true feelings! We see jk doesn't care completely about jimin. Is that how jimin feels about oc? This story got super wicked. Great writing!!!!!

oooohhhh yeah that’s interesting! in the first few chapters, im pretty sure thats how the oc felt too. like she and jk were just pretending for jimin’s sake, but they were only in it for jimin. And then jk comes out with his true feelings :O 

its really up to your interpretation! but honestly, theyre all so deep in denial that anything’s possible haha 

Anonymous said:Y r u so amazing at writing?!?! LIKE EVERYTHING U WRITE IS GOLD! So for equilibrium, I feel like I'm the only one rooting for still all 3 of them to stay together lol, well how I see it, i feel like all 3 of them each need eachother. Even tho each of them may favour another partner, I still feel like there's a big part of them that will miss the other if they leave. Idk how to explain, kinda like even tho at the start, they may not all have liked eachother, but now they care for eachother

NOOOOOOOO haha i cringe at the older chpaters of Equilibrium D: But thank you so much! that’s also a really interesting way of seeing it! i think most people think that they’ll crumble under the inequality, but you’re right! the inequality is balanced, which makes it equal in a strange way O.O 

Anonymous said:Theory: i dont think jk actually likes the oc because if he actually loved her he would want her to love him back without needing to force her or anything. He knows she doesnt love him as much. He is just being manipulative. He knows jimin is willing to give him all the attention and now he forced oc to do the same. He ends up getting the better end of the deal. Love this story and thank u for being a strong feminist. I want oc to leave this sick relationship and leave both. I want her happy.

YES that’s really interesting as well. I love how you came to that conclusion!. He does seem rather selfish and immature, huh? Want that punk kid to grow up already >.

Anonymous said:Agh, I love equilibrium so much, but tbh I woulda beat jk's ass, like his possessiveness is irritating at times, the oc is driving me up a wall, & jimin is just..😩wyd??? It's like watching a drama where they all keep doin the wrong thing & ur shouting @ the TV like, "...ohmygoddd, stop, don't do th-... bitch why you do that??? Why,,, did you pick that door, the robber is in there!!" but I'm glad you're here to write it, I can't wait see to the ensuing action unfold more & more

I KNOW RIGHT??? all 3 of them are so stupid. i want to run in there and beat them over the head too. but unfortunately, it’s almost realistic how stupid they are. bc relationships just do that to you D: 

Anonymous said:I'm the "He's just not that into you" anon (loved your response btw, haha). First of all, don't know why people are surprised when it was finally revealed they've all been using each other (you've strongly hinted at this the entire story). Secondly, Jungkook needs to stop being so possessive (she can't TOUCH Jimin, seriously, Jungkook??!!! You actually made her promise that?!) I now ship these 3 by themselves so they can learn about honesty and self-esteem. And to not use people. The end, haha.

LOL i know right? it’s because ppl dont read my damn story :”) they just want the instant gratification of smut sighhh. And yeah! That’s just so klasjdlfsdjk theyre all so immature and greedy. but you’ll soon see how this plays out :)