#i'm sorry it took so long to get this done i lost all writing motivation for a while

[azrielbrainrot]

I Laugh Like Me Again... She Laughs Like You - Part 5

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Description: It's time to find your handler and make him answer for what he's done to you.

Warnings: Violence, Torture, Gore (nothing too graphic)

Word Count: 4715

Notes: This took a while to write, I'm sorry about that but life has been kicking my ass. I really hope it makes enough sense because I've found I'm not very good at writing action scenes (but that's also not the main focus). Hope you enjoy!

Part 4 ○ Part 6

The moon was high in the sky, its pale light guiding your way through the forest. The air was strangely quiet, the leaves crunching beneath your feet were the only thing that could be heard between the trees. Even the wind was serene and no animal dared make a sound, as if sensing what was to come. The atmosphere allowed you to keep your composure, any incoming threats would be easier to detect like this. Unfortunately, so would your allies.

It's funny how so much can change in a matter of days. Before, when you were only a relatively low ranking member of the guild, walking through the dark woods as you are doing now would simply be the norm, whether you were on a mission or not, but, after everything you learned, not having Azriel and his shadows near you makes you feel off-kilter, like you can't protect him if he stands too far from you.

If it weren't for the millions of problems that keep piling on, you'd probably sit on this feeling, dissecting it until you realize how peculiar it actually is for you to feel so achingly connected to the shadowsinger who, even if had been your husband during a time of your life you've now forgotten, was essentially a stranger to you now. You've only really known him for about two weeks, not nearly enough time to be feeling like a part of you is missing.

You weren't used to worrying about anyone else at times like these. Even when your missions weren't solo, you didn't actually know your coworkers, much less cared if they survived or not. But now, you can't stop thinking about all the ways this could go wrong, of how Azriel and his family could get hurt because of you. You stayed up thinking about this all night, if this would all be truly worth it just to get your memories back, but had decided that you wanted to know what happened, no matter the cost, and knew that, as much as the Inner Circle was helping you recover your memories, not all their motives were altruistic. They all wanted revenge as much as you did.

All of you had planned this out meticulously, going down to every last detail and considering every possible outcome. Everyone was also extra careful on how to approach using you as bait. You expected it from Azriel - he's been protective of you ever since you stepped foot into his High Lord's home - but seeing the rest of them so worried about you made you want to recover your memories that much more. You want to remember these people, want to know how they all, especially Azriel, came to care for you, so much so that even death didn't stop those feelings.

There had been other plans brought up, ones that didn't involve putting you in such a risky situation, but it was soon decided that the only way to get to Norris would be to show up alone. If he so much as caught a glimpse of anyone else, you know he would simply run and if he truly put his guard up and went into hiding, finding him would be nearly impossible even with Azriel's spies and shadows at his disposal, he hadn't found you after all.

The tree you were looking for comes into view as you get lost in your thoughts, the magic traces left behind on its bark unmistakably familiar. The guild has used this system for as long as you've been a part of it. Every important meeting with your handler had taken place next to any object or area marked with this exact faint magic, enough for the attuned eye to pick up on but not so strong that anyone else might come across them and meddle where they're not welcomed.

You don't have to wait by the marked tree for long before an imposing figure appears beside you. He had probably been watching you for as long as you've winnowed into the edge of the treeline, keeping his eyes on you as you walked to the meeting place. The air shifts, the wind picking up slightly as if sensing the tension threatening to form in your body.

Turning around as casually as possible, you face your former handler, the male you thought had saved your life but you've now learned did quite the opposite. Not that there had been any particularly fond feelings between you and him, but it still hurts to know how easily the male manipulated you and turned your entire life around with no remorse.

He was mostly covered with a black hood, only a bit of his face being visible through the shadow it cast, enough to meet his eyes. You've only seen him without it a few times, you know that dark brown hair lays under the hood and a few scars adorn his face. Truthfully, you're not even sure if this isn't some intricate glamour. Nothing that comes from this male should be trusted.

His form gives nothing away, no nerves or suspicions, but his brown eyes rake over your body, searching for something. Since he thinks you've just crawled out of a cell or worse, he's probably looking for any signs of injury, or that you've betrayed him and the guild. It's best you don't let him find anything that tells him otherwise.

“Norris,” you greet him as you would any other time, nodding once at him with a passive expression.

He crosses his arms and meets your eyes when he hears your voice. His eyes dart over the forest around you as if he knew Azriel would be lurking in the shadows. His self assured expression doesn't help with your nerves. Norris always seems like he's three steps ahead, and more often than not he was actually four.

“I didn't think I'd see you again,” he finally speaks up.

“I thought so too.”

Norris hums in response. You're not sure if he believes you or not, but short and distant answers are the norm for him. Either way, you need to stick to the plan, there's no turning back now. “How did you escape the Night Court?”

“They thought I was someone else, someone they used to know,” you start, trying to convey some of the confusion you'd experienced the first time they told you who you were. He knows you well enough to expect you to have some trouble maintaining the same level of apathy he so easily displays, he'd warned you multiple times to act more like an assassin and not let your emotions get the best of you. “It eventually led to a fight between the High Lord and his Spymaster. They couldn't agree on what to do with me from what I heard. I managed to escape in the chaos.”

You stop for a second, licking your lips. You decided not to completely lie to him so it would be more believable, this version of events could have come true had you not trusted Azriel, had your feelings not been so suffocating and confusing.

“I waited for a while before contacting you, to make sure they didn't come looking for me,” you continue eventually, the fact that he isn't asking more questions makes your heart pick up ever so slightly.

He turns his head to the side, a faint smirk playing at his lips. You resist the urge to clench your sweaty palms, not wanting to let him see through you. “Who did they think you were?”

“The Spymaster's former wife,” you admitted, hoping you sounded as detached as possible.

“And what do you think about it?”

“What?”

“Do you believe them?” You didn't expect him to ask you outright. It would make more sense for him to try to cover it up, stopping any doubts you might have had before they grew.

“Of course not. I've never been married,” the lie tastes wrong on your tongue but you make sure not to let any of it translate into your body language or your voice. Which is why you're so caught off guard by his next words. “I think you're lying to me.”

Norris turns you around and grabs you to him before you have a chance to react, pulling you flush against his chest and pressing a dagger to your neck, power rumbling under his skin, raising the hairs on the back of your neck at its intensity. This isn't that surprising to you since you were more than aware of how much faster and stronger he was, and that tricking him would be extremely hard, but this means you need to move to plan B. And you were really hoping you could avoid a direct conflict like this.

Azriel is the first one to show himself, emerging from the shadows with deadly calm, hazel eyes never straying from Norris as his hand hovers Truth Teller. As much as you try to keep calm and not give anything away, you know Norris can feel you tense up and hear your heartbeat picking up when you see the shadowsinger walking straight into danger.

You feel another presence behind you, Morrigan, followed by Cassian and Amren on each side. The sisters had stayed behind, despite their many protests. In case anything happened, Velaris needed its High Lady and the Valkyries at least. You also know this is a personal matter for the fae present, you had been their friend and been ripped away from their lives by the male currently holding you at knife point, threatening to end your life once again, for good this time.

They all start walking slowly to you, effectively forming a circle around the two of you, getting ready to attack if Norris hurts you or tries to run. He appeared as calm as if he had just been caught on a night stroll, his heartbeat never rising in tempo against your back even under Azriel's chilling stare. He had been expecting your betrayal, and had been ready for them.

You could feel the fury in the air, could see it written in Azriel's eyes as he studied every single one of Norris' movements. You had been worried that he wouldn't be able to keep his composure since he was against this plan from the start, in fear of this exact situation coming true. But he seemed completely focused, not even risking looking at you too long in case he'd get distracted. This made you relax ever so slightly. You'd planned out for this situation and even if you ended up hurt or worse, you know Azriel won't let Norris go unharmed. You would get your revenge one way or another, you just hoped you could spare the male in front of you any more pain.

Rhysand winnows in next to Azriel moments later, darkness clinging to him as he takes a few steps closer to you nonchalantly. Talons scratching your mental walls before checking in on you. All according to plan.

“I would say it's a pleasure to meet you but even I can't spin a lie so effortlessly,” he starts, arrogance dripping in every word. You'd never admit it, much less to him, but Rhysand was every bit the perfect High Lord, especially at times like these. It showed in the way he carried himself down to the seemingly bottomless pit of power at his disposal. No matter how strong Norris is, anyone with even a little of self preservation would think twice on how to handle him.

“I came prepared for your little tricks, High Lord.”

You frown at his words, confusion settling over you before you realize what it meant. Rhysand must have tried getting inside his mind as soon as he appeared. Norris had expected him to, had put up walls to ensure it didn't happen. This would only make things harder.

“Skipping pleasantries, are we?” Rhysand's face gives nothing away, but as he drops said pleasantries, it gives way to some of the anger bubbling under the surface, the next words coming out in a serious tone. “You're not walking out of here, Norris.”

“I wouldn't be so sure,” Norris says as he leans in closer to your ear, voice dropping to a whisper, “Did you think I would come on my own?”

A sinking feeling grows in your stomach as you watch dark figures manifesting all around you, far outnumbering your group. You recognize some of them, know their clothes and masks mean they're assassins from the guild.

A fight breaks out right before your eyes, causing you to struggle desperately for the first time in Norris' arms. He tries to keep you in place by letting the blade touch your skin as a warning, a few drops of blood escaping the small wound. You know he could easily kill you, but you're also aware that if he did the chances of him escaping would drop to zero. That's the only reason you're still breathing, so he can use you as a shield.

Your eyes were following Azriel's shadow covered form as he fought against multiple attackers, the feeling of helplessness rising with each clank of his sword. You can't stand there and wait any longer, so you grab the blade still positioned dangerously close to your throat and wrap your fingers around it tightly so it cuts your hand instead of your neck while swinging your elbow back to try to push off of Norris. Just as you expected, you weren't strong enough and he pulled the knife back from your grasp, intending to stab your stomach to stop you, but you had a new trick up your sleeve.

Azriel's shadows had moved to you as soon as Norris grabbed you, crawling up your legs discreetly in the dark of night, where they stayed waiting for your signal. And, as they tasted your blood in the air, they engulfed Norris, giving you enough room to push back and to elbow him a few more times, also letting off some of your power and finally being able to release yourself from his hold.

The shadows aren't enough to keep him away from you for long, the lack of visibility barely slowing him down as he attacks you before you even have the chance to take a breath. Luckily, your little helpers' singer rushes in, getting between you and deflecting Norris' strike. He hands you a sword so you can fight back with him and pushes back against Norris without wasting a single moment.

The three of you enter a match, barely being able to pay attention to what's happening around you, though you can tell everyone is in the same predicament. Even between you and Azriel, keeping up with Norris proves difficult, he's not only an exceedingly proficient fighter but he's also familiar with your attacks and style, making it easier for him to avoid your attacks and focus more on Azriel's.

The fight goes on for longer than you'd like. Even with your and Azriel's joint efforts, you had barely managed to wound Norris. The bastard was too strong and experienced, he was one of the guild's oldest assassins for a reason.

Suddenly the sickening scent of blood reaches your nostrils, in a concentration you haven't experienced before. It makes you falter in your movements, but luckily it has the same effect on Norris, leaving him open to Azriel's attacks, who seems undisturbed by it. You risk a glance behind you, but all you can see is the rest of the Inner Circle watching the battle, while the ground and their bodies, even the trees around them, are covered in blood. You're not exactly sure what happened, what they did to completely obliterate the assassins to a point not even their bodies were left, but you don't have more time to linger on this as Azriel finally manages to get a few good hits in, leaving Norris stumbling back away from him.

Rhysand is next to you in the blink of an eye, chest rising and falling as he catches his breath. You move to help Azriel, hoping to distract Norris enough for him to be able to infiltrate his mind. It doesn't take much longer before Norris finally drops unconscious at your feet, and you immediately let out a relieved breath. Azriel's shadows move to tie him up so he has no chance of escaping.

Your plan had always been to catch Norris off guard or wear him down enough so that Rhysand would be able to infiltrate his mind, successfully knocking him out so you could take him back to the Night Court for interrogation. And, as much as you'd planned for the possibility of him bringing backup, the assassins had made this harder to achieve. You all had been worn down more than expected, but, as you look around, you see no one seems to be gravely injured.

Cassian smiles and nods at you when he notices you eyeing the blood trickling down his shoulder, it wasn't too deep of a wound and the blood was already stopping from the looks of it. Azriel did tell you Illyrians heal faster than most fae. Speaking of, you feel scarred fingers wrap around your wrist as you give Cassian a tentative smile of your own.

Your focus is stolen by Azriel, your eyes finding his instantly as he holds up your hand carefully, examining the wound and the blood that had been smeared all around you during the fight. He's wearing a conflicted expression, pain visible in his eyes. You've found Azriel shoulders too much guilt, even when what happened wasn't his fault.

His other hand reaches out to touch your neck, where a small cut overlaps with the pronounced scar on your skin. He's been blaming himself for your death for over a century, he must have been terrified of not being able to stop it again, even if it was happening right in front of him.

“I'm alright, Azriel,” you smile up at him, hoping to calm him down, “This will be gone by tomorrow.”

“We need to take you to a healer.” You shake your head, not wanting to stay behind and leave them to deal with Norris by themselves. Gently prying Azriel's hands away from you, you go to tell him as much.

“He's right,” Morrigan interjects, “I can take you to Madja and she'll fix it for you in an instant. I can bring you back right after.”

“It's just my hand.” You don't understand why they're making such a big deal out of it. This wouldn't need a healer, aside from some discomfort it won't hinder you in any way. They all have small wounds of their own that they seem to be ignoring.

“You're hurt.” There's a finality in Azriel's tone that is starting to rub you the wrong way. You understand he's concerned, you've tried to be considerate of his complicated feelings ever since you found out you had been his wife and the tragic way in which he had lost you, but that doesn't mean he can order you around.

“Barely.” You try to keep your voice leveled, pointing at Norris' unconscious form still covered in shadows. “And this is a lot more important. I need to know what he did.”

“I'll tell you everything we find. You don't need to go with us.”

“What?” You can feel the confusion taking over your features. Azriel has been forthcoming with any and every bit of information, you don't understand why he's trying to keep you away now.

“It's best if you don't come to the dungeon. You don't need to see that,” he offers, his face becoming irritatingly blank, the mask you know he uses as the Night Court's Spymaster. This only makes your anger spike even faster.

“See what?,” you challenged, head tilting to the side, “Do you think I never tortured anyone?” Your voice rises with every word, annoyance taking over your body. “I know the female you married was much different from what I am now, and I don't know if she let you order her around like this, but I'm not her.”

“I'm not ordering you-” Azriel's face falls at your words but you're too far gone to even try to interpret what it's written in his eyes, to even listen to what he has to say.

“It sure sounds like you are.”

Rhysand stands between you two before the argument can escalate further. “This is not the time to be fighting. We need to take him to a safe place before he regains conscience. I can only keep him down for so long.” He eyes Azriel for a moment, studying his features as some sort of understanding takes over his own. “Mor will take you to a healer,” he holds up a hand as you open your mouth to argue back, “It will only take a moment and then you can meet us in the dungeon. We won't start without you. I promise.”

By the expression on his face and authority behind his words, you know trying to argue with the High Lord won't take you anywhere right now. He's too used to calling all the shots and you can't change his mind in a matter of minutes, not when there's a much more pressing situation on your hands. You need to choose your battles.

You simply turn to Morrigan, ignoring the hazel eyes staring straight into your soul. “Take me to your healer then. The sooner I get this done the better.” She nods at you, extending her hand as she winnows you both back to Velaris.

The adrenaline of the fight started wearing off as the healer, Madja, worked on your hand, stitching skin back together with expert ease. As much as it had annoyed you to be sent to the infirmary, you could admit the pain had been worse than you expected as your body calmed down. It still wouldn't have been much of a problem to warrant that amount of concern.

Morrigan simply watches as the old fae works on you. She tried to talk to you about Azriel but you pushed her away, not wanting to hear any explanations from her. He's old enough to speak for himself, and you'll probably be eager to hear what he has to say after this whole situation is worked out. Right now, you only want to go back to where they're holding Norris so you can finally understand what he did to you and hopefully learn how to fix it.

Just as Madja is wrapping your hand in a white bandage, keeping the strong smelling ointment she spread in place, the healer speaks up for what feels like the first time tonight. “That boy loves you more than anything. Give him a chance to explain. I'm sure he never meant to hurt you,” she finishes as she pats your hand softly. “All done.”

Her words give you pause. It does make you wonder how obvious your and Azriel's love had been that everyone seems to have no doubt in their minds that he would do anything for you. He seems to be very private in his affairs, especially personal ones. It also makes you curious if you'd known her before, it's more than likely since she's the Inner Circle's healer. You push those thoughts away, knowing you wouldn't ask the old healer about your relationship before anyway. You were so close to getting your memories, you needed to focus on that.

“Thank you.” She gives you one more smile before gathering her things, making you stand up and rush to Morrigan, who has a somewhat nostalgic and understanding smile on her face. She holds onto your shoulder before you even have the chance to say anything, knowing what your next words were going to be.

As soon as you winnow in, you understand why they called this place a dungeon. There really was no other way to describe the dark, stone covered space. The air was thick with humidity and blood, the kind you know has lingered for centuries and will never be completely washed out. You have to blink a few times to let your eyes adjust to the dim lighting, it was truly close to pitch black inside, the perfect environment to torment someone in, especially when you're the shadowsinger.

You never let your eyes meet Azriel's when you walk in, even as he turned to you, only allowing yourself to focus on your former handler, heavy chains on each of his wrists as he stood on his knees in the middle of a cell. He was already awake, it seems they did start without you. Rhysand speaks into your mind, sensing the incoming protest. He woke up sooner than we expected. He's been trained for this.

A sigh almost escapes you. Norris was trained for every possibility, this was going to be a gruesome session. As much as you were arguing with Azriel to stay, the truth is this is not something you ever enjoyed. So many in the guild did this sort of thing for pleasure but you only ever tortured anyone when it was strictly necessary and they had truly done something awful to warrant it. You can only hope it at least gives you the information you've been searching for and the freedom you never even dared to dream about.

“I almost thought you weren't going to show your face again.” It's infuriating how unaffected Norris sounds even though his blood already stains Azriel's favorite dagger.

“Wouldn't miss this show for the world,” you admit. He was one of the few individuals you believed deserved this and much worse, for all he has done to not only you but so many others. You're almost certain your conscience won't bother you for this.

Up until tonight your feelings for him were passive. You never particularly liked him, but you always felt obligated to show him respect as your superior, there were also less than ideal consequences if you let your true feelings show. Still, there had been some small, stupid hope that he didn't really do all those awful things to you. He trained you and taught you a lot, knowledge that you know has helped you in a lot of bad situations, that has kept you alive through them, and will continue to do so in the future.

A sickening smirk overtakes his face at your response. “I always liked you better when you acted like one of us.” Fury and shame travels across your body, but Azriel moves before you get the chance to, slashing his blade across Norris' chest, a sharp noise of pain escaping him. The gesture almost makes you smile, as twisted as that may sound.

“You'd do well to watch your mouth. My Spymaster doesn't take well to disrespect,” Rhysand's voice sounds different, arrogant but nothing short of furious.

“Still hung up on her? Since you stopped searching I thought you found yourself a new shiny toy.” Azriel's fist connects with Norris' jaw as he gets the last words out, a laugh escaping him despite the flow of blood rushing through his teeth for being able to rattle the shadowsinger.

You decide to step in, not wanting to let Azriel speak or act for you when you're more than capable of doing it yourself. And knowing how much he blames himself for your situation, for stopping his search when you were alive all this time. You'd be damned if you let Norris hurt him in any way. He's done more than enough.

“So you admit you were the one who found me.” You walk until you're standing over Norris' beaten body, right next to Azriel, close enough he has to adjust his wings not to touch you.

“Of course, you were one of my finest projects.” You let out an acknowledging hum, temperature dropping around you as your icy power rose to your fingertips. The pain would be a lot worse if you kept his body temperature down, you want his whole body to ache. This was going to be a long night, thankfully hurting Norris was nothing short of enjoyable.

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[eye-f0r-an-eye]

lewis hamilton x male reader [nsfw]

SO I FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED IT FUCK ME DEAD BRO

i'm so sorry it took so long, i struggle with motivation... i'm now just sick of looking at this, i'm fucking done with it man dfyhwesvyhewjcdb

word count: 3.4k

cw: nsfw, swearing, sub!lewis, dom!reader, male!reader, anal sex, soft vanilla sex i guess, regular ol' missionary, author can't title shit for shit, author also got a little lazy at the end, author ALSO got lazy with writing prep so he just didn't but oh well- but it's actually kinda sweet though??????

anyway, i hope you enjoy the fruits of my labour ;-;

(i'm also not the kinda guy who's like "fem aligned dni", simply cause i don't care. just enjoy it, whoever you are <3)

lewis hamilton. 

a man who could have any woman he wanted using his sheer status alone. a man who could seize the heart of any entranced fan with nothing more than a simple smile. a man who could make any admirer fantasise at night after dropping a subtly suggestive comment during an interview. 

not the kind of man who you’d expect to show up at your hotel room in the dead of the night with a condom, lube, and a half-baked idea.

“fuck me.” 

there'd never been a queer man on the grid before – not openly at least – and not since mike beuttler, who’d just disappeared to the list of forgotten drivers. you, on the other hand, appeared to have turned out quite the opposite. you had seemed to be the media’s hottest topic as of late. 

you weren’t lost to the obituaries. 

after you had come out, you weren’t disregarded nor overlooked. Instead, it seemed as though the entire world’s eyes were on you. you weren’t just another driver anymore; you were like a unicorn hailing from the garden of eden, and a very influential one at that. all the cameras had transitioned to your direction, and you had become all the rage as a rare representer of the queer community in motorsports. every single reporter wanted to know the finer details of your life, and this was no exception for the drivers as well. 

in particular, lewis hamilton. 

the man had been ever so curious since the day he saw you in the paddock, but not the innocent kind of curious. he couldn’t figure out why he was having such thoughts as you were a man. sure, he could admit when a guy was good-looking, but he’s never felt sexually drawn to another male before, not genuinely. maybe it was your intense driving style that he found so hot and raw, or the way you carried yourself when speaking to fellow drivers that really tickled his britches. or maybe it was simply the knowledge that you indeed liked men that gave him the confidence to accept that his thoughts were valid. 

either way, he was attracted, and he didn’t quite know why you twisted his ideals. but he did know that he wanted to find out, he wanted to get closer to you. he felt as though he had to – needed to. and as your friendship strengthened, he soon discovered that he wanted to get closer to you in a much different sense to how he originally thought. in a sense that he felt was dastardly wrong, in a sense that made him question if it was even women he really desired in the first place. 

and who were you to turn him down? it’s lewis fucking hamilton. 

as soon as you were greeted by those great big bambi eyes and that shameless request, you pulled him into your dimly lit hotel room and kicked the door closed without so much as a second thought. 

you had made out wildly and were stripped of all clothing items within mere moments, far too fast for either of you get your heads wrapped around the situation. you couldn’t care less if he didn’t have any feelings for you that were beyond carnal, it was impossible when his strong inked figure was spread out underneath you – all bare, prepped, and gorgeous – reduced to submissiveness, like a sacrificial lamb waiting to be devoured. and it was even hotter to know that he came to your door and asked for this whilst completely in his right mind. 

lewis' back was pressed to the mattress and his cock lay hard against his flat abs, and it dribbled bead after bead of precum that glistened with the faint moonlight creeping through the curtains. he felt you guide your length between his legs, the hot weight of it knocking against thigh was enough to have his mind turned to mush. 

“wait” lewis clutched your wrist, which currently gripped the base of your erect cock to line yourself up with lewis’ entrance. your heart dropped for a moment, and you quickly stopped your doings to ensure lewis’ comfort. your gaze snapped up to meet his dark chocolate eyes, searching for any sign of discontent. but you saw none. 

“yes?” your voice came out as a faint whisper as you held a thoughtful gaze. you slipped out of the grip from the familiarly foreign hand and your fingers instead travelled up the mingle of naked bodies, resting on lewis’ burning cheek. 

lewis didn’t want you to think that he’d changed his mind about wanting to experiment and embarrass you beyond reason – you've already got enough going on – and he didn’t want to deny your eager, aching cock any relief. besides, it wasn’t in his place to back out. after all, he was the one who had arrived at your hotel room unannounced, forcing you to put your late-night activities on hold in order to please him. so he simply smiled softly. 

“just... be gentle...” lewis’ voice was equally as quiet as yours, enough to make you shudder in its wake. “i’ve never done this before – lay with another man, that is...” 

you nod in response and lewis’ hand encased your hand, the one on his cheek, with his own and came in for a hot and tender kiss – for reassurance. your eyes flutter shut, and you feel your dick twitch and leak within the confines of the condom. you suddenly wish lewis didn’t want you to wear it, you wish you could feel every cell of his insides squeeze and drag deliciously against you. you had already felt it with your fingers, but you were starving for more, and the thought has you salivating. but it is what it is, you weren’t about to force lewis out of his comfort zone, especially not on his first time. 

“well, i’ve done this before...” you start as you pull back to resume the guidance of your length to lewis’ entrance, your hand leaving a lingering ghost of a touch on lewis’ cheek. “...it’s a bit uncomfortable at first, but i swear it’ll feel really really good after a moment. i promise. i'll make sure it’s amazing for you- and if you wanna stop, i'm ok with that too! Just, please, let me know if i hurt you, or if you wanna stop. i can take rejection, and-” 

“y/n?” 

“mm?” 

“you’re rambling...” 

you huff at yourself and drop your head, your hair briefly tickling lewis’ nose as you mutter your apology. lewis smiled and simply brought your face back up to his to pull you in for another kiss. 

“look... i’ve already taken your fingers and i'm fine. it's just a little more girth, right?” he said as he smiled softly at you. you really wanted to tell him that that wasn’t the case, but you also didn’t want to scare him off. you really wanted this. your thoughts wandered back to the feel of your fingers inside lewis’ virgin hole a few moments ago and you couldn’t wait to have that death grip take ahold of your cock. 

“are you sure?” you ask, solely for validation as your free hand comes up to trace along the intricate patterns of lewis’ braids. he smiles softly and nods. 

“certain.” 

you want to doubt his reassurance, but you can’t ignore your desires – nor his. you just held his gaze for a few more seconds before refocusing back on the initial task at hand. you guide your well-lubricated tip to prod at lewis’ entrance and his hole flutters around nothing in anticipation. he's already a pretty man but you can’t help but think how absolutely divine he looks like this. 

lewis let himself relax against the pillows as your tip slowly slipped into him, taking deep breaths as you pushed past the first ring of muscle of his hole. naturally, lewis gasped, which immediately made you pause thinking you’d hurt him. 

“you ok?” you asked cautiously as your gaze flickered back up to his face, watching carefully for any expressions that may indicate he’d want you to stop. but all you were greeted with was a breathy chuckle. 

“never better.” 

you let out a deep breath and just closed your eyes to focus on all the sensations happening at once. the heavy breaths from both you and lewis, the feel of his hole eagerly engulfing your tip, the firm weight of his hands resting on your chest like an anchor. you were struggling to take it slow, to control yourself and not ruthlessly fuck the ever-living hell out of lewis – the latter could sense it. but you remained strong and kept the pace deliberate. however, should this special situation occur again in the future, you hope he might let you do just that. you wished for nothing more than to take him in every position under the sun, to have him all for your own personal entertainment. it was such a tantalising concept. 

you gradually pushed yourself further into lewis, he would stifle a whimper for every centimeter his hole sucked in – it was a punishingly slow process. but he kept his head as he screwed his eyes shut and hyper focused on the way your fat cock was stretching him. he noticed it was a much different sensation to fingers – but a pleasant difference it was. he was in love with the feeling and even more in love with the fact that you were the one being intimate with him, he felt as though he’d waited his whole life for this moment. 

lewis chuckled under his breath at the sight of you completely losing your mind – much like himself. you were usually so calm and collected from how’s he’s previously observed you, he had no idea you could be absolutely picked apart at the brain like this. it only added to his unexplainable attraction towards you. 

your head was drooped down, and you groaned faintly against lewis’ collarbone. you felt yourself close already and you were only halfway sheathed inside him. you couldn’t help it, he was clenching you way too sinfully good, conceiving pleasures like that from the heavens. 

oh, how you wished to feel him without a condom on, all succulent and raw. 

“holy fuck, y/n...” lewis sighed out as his hand carded through your hair encouragingly, his other moving to wrap around the back of your torso. he drew you as close as your masses would allow you to, cuddling your chests together so compactly you weren’t sure any oxygen could squeeze through. you both breathed heavily as you finally slipped all the way into lewis. he could’ve sworn he felt you in his stomach, you were that deep, and yet he somehow still wanted you even closer. 

“o-oh... wow...” lewis’ voice cracked as you nestled yourself completely inside him, all the way to the hilt, feeling his walls clench you delightfully as your balls pressed against his firm ass. he felt his legs instinctually spread a little wider to accommodate you, an automated response that he didn’t know he had. he breathed heavily while you kissed a comforting trail along his neck, licking along his tattoos, giving him a moment to adjust to your staggering size. 

“lemme know when to move...” you whispered against the lightly sweat-sheen skin of lewis’ collarbone, which only prompted him to weakly hook his legs around your waist. 

“mmh... you can...” he mumbled out softly, barely able to keep his focus on anything but the fat cock that was wedged considerably deep inside of him. he pulled you closer and pressed his forehead to yours – you were now breathing each other’s heavy air and you could practically feel the vibrations of his tiny whimpers in your throat. 

you let out a shaky breath before you gingerly pull your hips back, savouring the electrifying buzz that jolted throughout your entire body as your throbbing cock dragged against his walls. you held your breath as you pulled out to your tip, before gently pumping back all the way into him with a lewd squelch. both of your breaths hitched as a simple thrust managed to illicit such ethereal feelings within you both. the sensations were mindboggling as you began to develop a slow rhythm, throwing lewis into a most blissful state as you made love to him. 

your chests heaved with your deep exhales as pleasure and anxiety wrestled for supremacy at the core of your conjoined bodies. the latter was soon conquered, and you became more confident as you saw his completely fucked out expression – it was all the reassurance you needed to know that he was enjoying himself. 

lewis could feel everything – every little bump and vein on your cock was making an imprint on his insides, like his body was a silicon mold that was simply made for you to use however you wished. he felt your warm breath fan across his face as you whispered encouragements to him. he felt each time your balls and thighs would make contact with his rear. he felt a haze begin to fog up his mind and prevent him from think about anything but the way you were methodically drilling into him. his arms wrapped around your torso to draw you even nearer, his nails digging into your shoulder blades to ground himself. 

“you feel too good...” you moaned out quietly, your words having quite the effect on lewis. he felt all tingly as your voice stuck to the inner walls of his skull and persistently hammered at his brain, infusing what you had said into the darkest corners of his mind. he won’t forget the sultry tone you held when you said that – not for a very long time. 

he never knew it could feel like this, being on the receiving end, but it certainly shed some clarity on his confusion and defeated the blur that censored his heart. lewis knew what he was, and he was more than ok with it. 

“y/n... don’t stop...” he whined, influenced by the pleasure bubbling at his core from you gently fucking him. 

that was all the invigoration you needed before you snaked a hand around lewis’ waist, finding purchase on the small of his back to elevate him a few inches off the mattress. the modest alteration allowed for your cock to venture deeper inside him with each thrust, and for your tip to knock his prostate, causing him cry out and arch up into you. his hands raked down your back, possibly leaving red stripes in the aftermath, and his head rolled back, leaving his tattooed neck exposed for you to kiss and leave a few love bites should he let you. 

lewis moaned loudly, a bit louder than he would’ve liked for a hotel room. typically, if it were a woman, he’d have no issues – hell he’d encourage a bit of volume. he’d want the world to know. in this case, he definitely didn’t want anyone to know he was being sodomised. god forbid it reached the media, he’d never live down the copious amounts of controversy that would spark up. 

but that wasn’t on his mind right now, nothing was, nothing except you. you had stripped away his ability to focus on anything except the pleasure sailing through his veins, the kind that liquified his brain and set his body aflame. it was one thing being inside someone and a completely different thing having someone inside you. lewis decided that he quite liked both. 

lewis' body jolted with each firm from thrust from you, your bodies meshed perfectly like yin and yang. he couldn’t stop his eyes from rolling to the back of his head when your other hand flew down to stroke his neglected cock in tandem with your solid thrusts. your thumb brushed over his swollen, oozing tip, collecting his juices on the pad of your finger. you then brought that hand up to his face, prodding your thumb past his already agape lips and smeared his taste all over his own tongue. lewis moaned again, the saltiness of it suddenly made him feel parched and filthy in only the best way. he couldn’t stop himself from lapping at your finger eagerly. 

“lewis... i-i'm close...” you keened as your thumb, much to his dismay, slipped out of his mouth, tugging at his bottom lip one last time before returning to his cock. he choked out a little giggle through his moan, his hips bucking up into your hand. 

“already?” he teased, although in no position to do so. he smirked up at you. 

“yeah...” you sigh out shamelessly, too focused on the tight coil in the pit of your stomach that threatened to snap at any moment to care about his playful tease. lewis let out a long hum. 

“me too...” he said, which made you giggle in return. 

“already?” you jest, shooting back the same mischievous look he had given you. 

“shut up.” 

the bout of banter soon eluded your minds as your thrusts became more ragged and desperate, and the necessity to cum became devastatingly unbearable in the sordid instant. lewis whined under his breath, his mouth frantically chased yours in a lip lock of spit and tongue as he clenched around you. hard. all his muscles tensed as you devoured his muffled moans, your fist gripping him like a vice. you felt his juices leaking all down your fingers, wet and glistening in the dim light provided by the moonlight seeping through the blinds. he arched up into you as you bucked into him like a wild animal in heat, chasing the high that had been evading obtainability – like it was just taunting you, dragging you around and drawing this out longer than you intended. you had no complaints whatsoever. 

lewis pulled off your lips to bury his face in your neck, his beard scratched you and his heavy breath condensed – it only further concentrated the hot and sticky sheen of sweat on your skin - but you could not give less of a shit when you were balls deep inside him and on the brink of an orgasm. 

“y/n... y/n- please” he choked out as he felt himself about to burst, saying your name over and over like a prayer. you couldn’t ignore his pleas, and you snapped your hips into him just a bit faster, the sound of skin slapping gradually magnifying. 

“cum for me, lewis...” 

your words made him feel high. adrenaline surged through his veins at the same intensity as when he was flying at 300kmh on the track, except this time the whole world wasn’t watching him, counting on him to make it past the finish line. it was just you, him, and the sins you would probably never speak of again. he'd have it no other way. 

with a loud cry of your name that he tried to muffle in the crook of your neck, lewis was tipped over the edge by a particularly hard thrust from you that made his vision tunnel and blur. hot ropes of cum uncontrollably spurt out, painting your hand and his belly white – his cum was sandwiched between your stomachs and sticking your skin – decorating the compass tattooed on his torso. just the sight of his cock twitching and trickling bodily fluids was enough to have you thrown past your limit as well. you came hard within the confines of the condom – the rubber effectively containing what would’ve been a mighty mess – as your hips stopped moving and just rested against him, his hole like a boa constrictor as it milked you for every single drop you had. 

you both panted as you stayed inside lewis for just a little while longer, not wanting to pull out from his warmth just yet – you don’t think he wanted you to pull out yet either. and you were more than ok with that. 

“woah...” was all lewis could muster as he took a beat to catch his breath. 

“woah, indeed...” you replied, too taking deep breaths to regulate yourself. 

lewis felt like he was on a cloud that was drifting away to another realm. his head was fuzzy, in a good way, and he felt weightless in your arms as you peppered kisses all over the lion tattoo on his pec, creeping up to his shoulder and neck. all was quiet as you just basked in the blissful aftermath of your obscene activities, until lewis found his voice. 

“we should do that again...” he said quietly, eagerly, pulling back so his gaze could meet yours. “...but without the condom.”

i wanna fuck the shit outta this man

might go cry rq

-leo :3

[blackbleedingrose]

Long Lost Morningstar - Part Four

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairing(s): Seven Virtues' x reader (platonic), Charlie x reader (platonic), Lucifer x reader (platonic), Lilith x reader (platonic)

Genre: Angst/Betrayal

Warning(s): Cursing, lies, betrayal

Notes: FINALLY! I'm sorry this took me forever to post. I was, and still am, dealing with some school stuff. Truthfully it was a little rough trying to get this one out - along with school and work, I am losing motivation to write this. It could be that I burnt myself on Hazbin after reading so many fanfics for days on end until I eventually got tired. I'm still going to be writing this either way, I'd feel bad to suddenly stop out of nowhere. Funny thing is I'll probably feel motivated again once the second season airs. Oh, well. I'll post part five when I can and am able, so please bare with me and hopefully enjoy this long part for the time being. Thank you for your support - I'm really writing this for the ones reading this series and am grateful for your patience.

Words: 3,298

"I-Is that. . . my name? W-Why would my name be in Lucifer's court record?".

After learning about the exterminations (Y/N) wasted no time flying to the archangels' castle - her home.

She needed to know if they knew about the exterminations, and if so. . .

No, there's no way.

The Virtues' duty were to help remain peace and order - there's no way they'd be okay with the murdering of sinners.

Still, the fear and pain she felt for Charlie and Sera's betrayal made her impulsive.

So much so, that she flew past the archangels' secretary and burst through the doors of the meeting room where they were discussing important matters.

The archangel's were shocked to see (Y/N), who had just interrupted their meeting, looking completely disheveled and breathing heavily.

This behavior would normally be unacceptable, and if it were any other seraphim or angel they would be scolded and punished depending on severity of the offense.

But this was their little (Y/N), whose never interrupted their meetings without reason (or when she was a curious infant who somehow wandered in).

Michael stood up from his seat and flew over to his distressed daughter, "(Y/n). What's the matter?".

(Y/n) struggled to catch her breath, her mind and heart racing.

Michael placed his hands on her shoulders, "Deep breathes, sweetheart. Try to calm down". He gently cooed at her trying to help her find her breath and calm her nerves.

When (Y/N) had finally caught her breath she looked up at her father staring right into his eyes, "Did you know?".

Michael furrowed his brows confused, "Know what, sweetheart?".

(Y/N) took a deep breath before looking at him with sorrowful eyes, "About the exterminations."

Michael and the other archangels' were even more confused than before, "What exterminations?".

"The exterminations of the human souls in Hell."

The archangels' eyes widened in shock and disbelief. Michael looked down at his daughter with slight sternness, "What do you mean?".

(Y/N) went on to tell them all about what had happened at the trial from Charlie's hotel, Angel Dust, Sera's betrayal, to Adam's threat towards her cousin.

To say the archangels' were pissed would be a gross understatement.

How dare Sera and Adam play God and order such an atrocity right under their noses - and for it to be going on this long!

They were embarrassed to have been so ignorant.

Michael felt very uneasy about (Y/N)'s interaction with the Princess of Hell.

Yes, he had been aware his brother had birthed a child in Hell and hadn't seen an issue of (Y/n) of knowing as he was confident the two would never meet.

Well, that back fired horribly.

He couldn't discuss that with (Y/N) right now because, other than letting curiosity get the better of her once again, she hadn't done anything wrong.

She was clearly out of sorts with worry. She didn't need anything else but reassurance and comfort.

"Thank you for telling us. Don't worry, we'll be sure to handle this," Michael said trying to comfort his daughter.

"B-But, Charlie," (Y/N)'s breathing spiked, "A-Adam threatened t-to, to!". Tears flowed down to her red cheeks, her eyes red and puffy.

Michael gently shushed her wiping her tears, "Calm down, sweetie. We'll handle everything, especially Adam. Just go to your room and try to relax. I'll tell the staff to get you some tea."

(Y/N) shook her head, "B-But I need to help Charlie. I-I need to do something -,"

"No." Michael's tone was stern but gentle. "This is for the higher ranking angels to handle and you're too emotional right now to think clearly. Let us take care of this."

"Listen to your father, (N/N)." Azrael said his grin more menacing than usual. "And don't fret over Adam, we'll make sure to deal with him personally."

The other archangels' agreed without question. Adam wouldn't get away with making their precious niece cry.

(Y/N) realized her father was right, she was too emotional right now.

She was in no condition to deal with this as she was.

After saying goodbye to her family, (Y/N) went to her room to try and calm down.

Feeling completely exhausted and emotionally drained, (Y/N) passed out the second her head hit her pillow.

The next day (Y/N) woke up later than usual and saw a note on her beside table.

It was from her father telling her not to worry about her duties that day and to just rest.

(Y/N) was grateful to her father, but she was so restless about the trial and the upcoming extermination.

She got ready for the day and went down into the courts archives.

Maybe there was something she could use in the courts records to help Charlie.

Since she was a stenographer, a seraphim, and Michael's daughter no one questioned her being there.

In fact, many of the simps angels there were more than happy to help her.

(Y/N) declined most of their help, not wanting to garner unnecessary attention to what she was looking for or why.

She continued doing this for days making sure to cover her tracks so her father and uncles didn't catch wind of her little excursions.

Which was why most of them were in the dead of night.

She hadn't heard a word of what her father or uncles' were going to do about the exterminations.

But the times she's seen Adam and Lute, the two were still their cocky and douchey selves.

So, she knew the extermination was still on.

Why?

Why haven't the archangels' done anything yet?

What were they waiting for?

A small part of her wondered if they ended up agreeing with Sera and Adam and wanted to keep the exterminations on, but she quickly pushed those thoughts aside.

The archangels' duty was to follow the laws of Heaven, and the exterminations clearly went against that.

There's no way they'd be okay with keeping it going.

Still. . . they weren't working fast enough.

The month was almost over.

So, she continued researching wanting to find anything that would prove Sera and Adam wrong about Hell and prove Charlie's hotel worked or could work.

One night while everyone had turned in, (Y/N) snuck into the ancient archives - court records that dated over billions of years ago.

Maybe there was something in the older court records she could use.

She spent hours going through file after file, pulling out possible references to use, and making piles based on the dates.

The long hours started to get to her, the bags under her eyes more prominent with each passing minute.

Without realizing, her eyes lids shut and she slowly drifted to the side accidently knocking over a large pile she hadn't checked yet.

*THUD*

The sound of the falling files scared her awake.

"Oh shit!"

(Y/N) rubbed her eyes awake before going over to the scattered files. She really hoped no one had heard that thud.

As she was gathering all of the loose documents, there was one file folder that caught her eye. Labeled on the tab was 'Morningstar vs Heaven'.

Morningstar? That was Charlie's last name but this file was in one of the older court piles meaning this file was about -

"Lucifer. . .".

She's never read her uncle's trial record before. . . but if he was anything like Charlie then maybe there was something in those documents that could help her prove her cousin's dreams and beliefs.

After all, it was because of Lucifer's desire and dreams to show humanity free will that gifted humans the ability to dream and choose to be better.

She knew her father would frown at her view on Lucifer, but she had always thought there might have been some merit behind her uncle's choices.

She started to collect the documents, sometimes glancing over certain parts that caught her attention. However, as she was going through the files she saw something in one of the documents that she had never expected to see.

"I-Is that. . . my name? W-Why would my name be in Lucifer's court record?". (Y/N) bit her lip deciding if she should look through it or not.

In the end she decided to go through with it and read the document. It was probably nothing, just her mind playing tricks on her. She had been up for hours, after all.

However, the moment her eyes scanned through each line her heart dropped into her stomach.

Sera: Take the child.Court angels: (takes the infant (Y/N) Morningstar from the arms of her parents, Lucifer Morningstar and Lilith)

"P-Parents?".

The rest of the documents recounted Lucifer and Lilith's guilty verdict, their sentencing to Hell, and the courts final proceedings.

(Y/N) wanted to refuse everything she had read, wanting to call it all lies.

But stenographers, especially in Heaven, cannot lie when recording. The magic imbedded within the typewriter wouldn't allow it.

Still, it just couldn't be true. . . Maybe this was another (Y/N), one she's never met. There was no way it was talking about her.

However, before (Y/N) could attempt to convince herself even more she noticed one final document lying on the floor. She recognized what kind of document it was immediately.

It was a Heavenly Ordinance.

She slowly reached for the golden paper and started to read it.

"By Heavenly decree, it is now ordered that all residents, and new ones to come, are forbidden from tempting humanity or breaking Heaven's rules. All residents must obey and turn from all misguided thoughts, dreams, and or endeavors. All violators will receive punishment. It is also ordered that the Heavenborn seraphim, (Y/N) Morningstar, is now under the care of the Seven Virtues; specifically Archangel Michael Demiugros. The infant's name will be changed to (Y/N) Demiugros. The child will have no connection to Lucifer Morningstar and Lilith, and will be told Michael Demiugros is her father/parent who crafted her from stardust. All Heavenly residents aware of the child's true lineage are forbidden from speaking on the matter. All violators will be punished severely."

(Y/N) felt like she couldn't breath.

Her hands were shaking, her heart pounding in her chest.

Oh, God.

She wanted to deny it and believe all of this was some sick prank.

But even she knew no one in Heaven would dare fake writing a Heavenly Ordinance, let alone play such a cruel prank or joke.

Besides, the Heavenly Seal at the bottom of the document was proof of its authenticity.

Heaven would never allow a fake to be placed with the court records.

It took a while for her to calm down.

Looking at the clock mounted on the wall, she saw how late it was.

The court angels who had the early morning shift would be here in two hours.

Wiping the tears that had gathered in her eyes, she used her magic to help clean up her mess and put all of the documents back into their original places - except for one.

When she started to put Lucifer's file away, she stared at the ordinance.

She paused for a moment before folding it up and shoving it into her pocket.

After everything was put away (Y/N) went back to her room with her mind buzzing and heart racing.

She woke up five hours later to the sound of her alarm.

She felt absolutely exhausted.

At first she thought it had all been a dream, a really bad dream.

But when she checked her pockets and pulled out the folded up golden paper, she knew it wasn't.

She was heartbroken.

The feeling of betrayal and hurt plaguing her soul.

Why?

Why did they lie to her?

Why did they do all of this?

Now everything made sense.

Why she was so restricted from practically everything.

Why everyone in her family kept her so close and away from any of the higher seraphim duties.

Why she really looked like Lilith. . .

To top it all off, the person she had believed to be her father this whole time was actually her uncle.

She truly didn't know how to feel, and she wondered if Charlie knew.

Probably not given how shocked the Hellborn had been to hear she had a 'cousin'.

Though, now she knew why she felt such a strong connection to Charlie.

They were sisters.

And if Charlie hadn't known about her, she doubted Lucifer or Lilith did.

She wondered what else Heaven has lied to her about.

. . . Did they even love her?

If she really was the spawn of the ones who damned humanity, did they only keep her for their own benefit?

Have they actually hated her this entire time?

These thoughts brought tears to her eyes.

The rest of the day as she continued on with her duties, she thought back to her family and her newly discovered ones.

Whenever she interacted with her family in Heaven, she did her best to keep up appearances.

There was no way to tell what would happen if they found out what she knew.

So, she decided to bite her tongue.

No matter how much she wanted to scream and cry.

She wondered if they were even going to do anything about the exterminations.

She was starting to doubt it since she hadn't heard anything new; though, would they even tell her?

And Adam and Lute were as smug as ever.

That made her angelic blood boil.

Did they really hate Lucifer, Charlie, her, and sinners so much that they would allow this atrocity to continue?

Even though it went against everything Heaven stood for?!

No.

(Y/N) wouldn't stand for this.

If she was going to help Charlie, she would have to take matters into her own hands.

Luckily, Michael and her other uncles' taught her basic combat.

Hopefully that would at least help her fed off a few exorcists.

The next few days leading up to the extermination, (Y/N) secretly stole some angelic armor and weapons.

She eavesdropped on Adam and Lute trying to find out their plans and the exact time of the extermination.

She even continued to gather information for Charlie to help prove her hotel could work.

She acted as she usually did in front of others to avoid suspicion.

She planned to sneak out the night before the extermination to help Charlie and her hotel prepare for the fight.

She was a little nervous about seeing her newly discovered sister, and possibly her biological father, but she knew she would have to suck it up and wait until after the battle was over.

The morning before the extermination, (Y/N) felt more than prepared - she had everything she needed before tonight.

Everything was going according to plan.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Michael asked the court angel who seemed to be a bit out of sorts.

"W-Well, sir, there seems to be a document missing from one of the court records".

Michael rose a brow, "Okay? Which records?".

"U-Um. . . one of the ancient records, sir."

'Ancient records?'

Michael's brows furrowed - why would a document be missing from one of the oldest records in Heaven? Hardly anyone uses or reads them. They're mainly there as historical records now.

"Strange. . . Which record was it then?"

The court angel gulped, "U-Um. . , i-it-"

Michael glared slightly annoyed, "Just say it!"

"I-It was from Lucifer Morningstar's, s-sir!"

Michael's eyes widened, "Lucifer's?"

"Y-Yes, sir. We noticed some of the court records had been a little out of place the past couple of days, but thought nothing of it as everything was neatly put back. But this morning one of the court angel's found a feather between Lucifer's record, and when they opened it they saw one of the documents inside was missing."

Michael frowned, "Which document?"

". . . The Heavenly Ordinance, sir."

'The Heavenly Ordinance? Why. . . Why would anyone take that?'

"This was the feather that was found inside the court record."

The court angel presented Michael a singular feather. It was beautiful and the design looked very familiar -

Michael's breath hitched as he looked closely at the feather. He snatched the feather out of the court angel's hand looking at it even closer.

'No, no, no - it can't be!'

Without another word Michael flew out of the room leaving very confused and concerned court angels'.

'There's no way! She cannot possibly know!'

Lost in his own frantic thoughts, Michael failed to notice a certain archangel in his path, and proceeded to crash right into him.

"Woah, Michael! What's the rush?" Azrael asked wincing from the impact.

Michael looked at his brother, fear in his eyes, "Azrael. I-It's terrible. . . (Y-Y/N). . . S-She-"

"(Y/N)? Did something happen to her?" Azrael asked worried. He's never been his brother so distressed before.

"S-She. . . She knows."

Azrael furrowed his brows, "'Knows?' Knows, what?"

"About Lucifer. . . the truth about Lucifer and Lilith."

Michael proceeded to tell Azrael the events that happened taken place in the courts archives.

"That's strange," Azrael hummed. "Just as strange as the report I just got that some angelic armor and weapons are missing."

Azrael saw Michael's expression morph into one of absolute horror and waved his hands trying to dismiss his brother's thoughts, "But it could all just be a coincidence!".

Placing his hands onto Michael's shoulders, Azrael looked into his eyes, "Michael. You know (Y/N). As curious as she is, she's not reckless or stupid. She knows her place in Heaven and wouldn't dare ruin that. Have more faith - after all, you are the one who raised her."

Michael calmed his nerves as he listened to his brother's advice. He's right. (Y/N) was raised right and she would never do something that would jeopardize her place in Heaven. Someone else had to have misplaced the document, armor, and weapons.

. . . Still. . .

He couldn't shake off the ugly feeling in his gut.

Hours had passed and it was now late into the night.

To everyone around her (Y/N) was her normal graceful, polite, and dutiful self.

Almost like she hadn't been stressed out the entire month worrying for her cousin, who she recently discovered was actually her sister, and finding out her entire life has been a total lie.

She really played the part of the obedient seraphim quite well.

But right now, she was anything but.

Right now she was the sleep deprived heartbroken, scorned girl who no longer knew who she was or who she could trust here.

But, she was going to find out.

While the rest of the castle was asleep, (Y/N) changed from her night gown into light but durable angelic armor.

She wore her long blonde hair in a high ponytail and carried a long angelic spear on her back (along with a few angelic daggers and a whip on her hips).

Once ready, she quietly unlocked her balcony door trying to make as little noise as possible.

She could feel her nerves shake.

She's never been in a real fight before.

She knew what she was doing was dangerous; and if found out, could lead her into a world of trouble.

Looking back behind her she glanced over her room.

Her eyes landing on a picture frame found sitting on her vanity.

It had a photo of when she was little.

In it she was hugging Michael with her favorite duck plushie in her arms.

They both had such big smiles.

Sadness filled her heart as tears pricked her eyes.

Had it all been a lie?

Well. . . either way, she would find out later.

Charlie needed her right now.

She smiled sadly at the duck plushie laying in her bed silently wishing for luck.

Steeling her nerves, (Y/N) internally prepared herself for the battle ahead.

What she wasn't prepared for was to come face to face with Michael the moment she turned around.

Taglist:

@soobryu @kyo-kyo1 @miyako-night20 @charliecharlie65 @unknow-sama @myluckymoon @lbcreations-blog @moonchaos18 @sirenetheblogger @jagharamira @el-hajj @azharyy @glowymxxn @itsmonicabc @lxkeee @aria-tempest @glowinthedarkbones1150 @sashaphantomhive @0strawberrysorbet0 @serenity-loves-red @snowy-violet @aishallnotbefound

[imagine-knowing-a-name]

déjà vu

Summary: After Age of Ultron, the team are left with the decision of what to do with Wanda, and they’re not in agreement. Natasha becomes staunchly defensive of the witch, remembering her own fate at SHIELD was decided in a similar manner.

(Summaries are tricky but Nat defends Wanda, R defends Nat, then they comfort each other at the end)

Word Count: 1188

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff & Reader; Wanda Maximoff & Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: Half the team are being mean to Wanda and Natasha gets sad :(

A/N: Based on this request. Thank you all for the awesome response to my last fic, it gave me the motivation to write despite everything else going on rn, so thank you and reminder to reblog and comment on fics if you can, because that’s what keeps writers posting their fics on here :) Enjoy!

»»————-　★　————-««

"We cannot let her waltz around scot-free without any repentance for her crimes!"

"She just lost her homeland and her twin brother; you don't think that's enough punishment?"

"She's HYDRA. She volunteered. She is everything we've been fighting against and you want us to, what? take her under our wing? make her even stronger than she already is?"

"Yes! That's the kind of power we want on our side-"

To nobody's surprise, Steve and Tony are at odds, driving the argument. Thor had backed Steve with the insight that second chances had done his brother a world of good. But everyone remembers the Battle of New York, and soon even Steve is wishing the God of Thunder would rescind his support. Bruce agrees with Tony, still racked with guilt over the Johannesburg incident. Then Clint voices his support for Steve, upon a conditional level of trust, to return the sides to an imbalance.

Sam and Rhodey use their newcomer status to remove their ballot from the decision; the two of them sneaking off, likely to do better things with their time.

The argument continues, never ceasing for breaths since everyone talks over each other, constantly interrupting the previous point. You grimace from your place in the corner; sitting, observing, and waiting for them to tire themselves out before you say your piece. Natasha meets your eye. She is doing the same.

"She's a child!" Steve continues

"She's going on 26! Steve you were Captain America by that age, I was the most famous CEO in the world! We weren't let off the hook for anything, were we? We weren't told we were 'just kids so it's all okay'. I paid for my mistakes, same as you did, and this glowing ball in my chest is proof of that."

"That's enough," Natasha finally speaks. Her voice is all it takes to bring the group to silence. "She's a victim. She was manipulated into her actions and she came around as soon as she realised that. We've all made mistakes, and joining the Avengers was our chance at redemption; let her have that."

"Her actions are her own, and I'm sorry, but they're too severe to wave off as a mistake, or ignorance"

"Is that the same with me?"

"What?"

"See, I was a victim too, but no one ever treated me like one."

"Nat-"

"No. Nobody was controlling me when I went through the Red Room; my actions were all my own, same as Wanda. But when your childhood is defined by manipulation and indoctrination, how much does that matter? I did the only thing I knew how to do and followed orders, same as Wanda, and I lost people along the way, same as Wanda. Have you even spoken to her, Tony? She's known since the age of 10 that your missile killed her parents, and HYDRA took advantage of that; you think you'd keep a levelhead if you found someone responsible for your parents' deaths?

So no. I spent too long thinking my transgressions were all my own, and I won't stand here and let Wanda believe the same."

Natasha strides out of the door with purpose and speed, while all eyes in the room track her movements in silence. It is only when the door slams that the team begins to break from their stupor.

You look around unsurely, meeting everyone's eyes as if to confirm its truth. You are the first to break the silence. "I'm going after her." Nobody contests.

You don't rush, you know where Natasha is after all and you know she needs time alone, but you also know to check up on her after an argument like that. You were there when Clint brought her back to SHIELD, when Fury and the archer broke into arguments echoingly similar to the one the team just had. You remember how much she struggled from her own mind, how they left her in a cell, just as the Avengers now have to Wanda, and you remember the thin walls, where Natasha could overhear all their arguments regardless of how you tried to distract her. 

It isn't a surprise to you when you open Natasha's door and she refuses to speak. She watches you enter and makes space for you to sit beside her on the bed, but she doesn't speak. You talk to her for a bit, praising her stance, but it's clear she needs longer alone.

"I'll be here when you need," you say. She nods. You walk back to where you're needed most, passing through the common room still full of arguing Avengers on your way.

"Stop thinking about yourselves for once, and think about your fucking team," you say without even stopping to look at them, then you continue your path out of the room.

»»————-　★　————-««

Guilt sets in on the remaining Avengers as they fall to silence yet again. Clint reminds them what Natasha went through and from that memory, Natasha's hasty exit, and your outburst after seeing the assassin, they can all conclude how much the topic has hurt their teammate.

Clint apologies through her bedroom door; the others say sorry to her face once she lets them in. Natasha sighs, then nods her acceptance of their apologies. "The person you really should be saying this to is Wanda. She deserves support, not solitary isolation."

"Yeah, I don't think it's all that solitary," Tony says. He flicks his wrist to the wall, and soon enough FRIDAY is displaying a feed of Wanda's cell.

"Is that Y/N?" Steve asks, squinting for a better look.

Meanwhile, Natasha smiles, recognising the scene in front of her and knowing, with certainty, that it was you. She watches you and Wanda sit cross-legged on the floor with a plastic yellow board coming up between you. You both analyse it closely until you pull a circular blue chip from your hand and slide it in.

"That's four!" you cheer. Pointing out the four circles you had managed to connect. Wanda frowns, but you can tell it is not akin to the sorrow she had felt so often recently. At this moment, her mind is distracted entirely from that and focused only on the game. 

"We have to play again. I can win this, I know," the Sokovian frowns. "I get first move."

You're still dividing the 'connect 4' pieces into their respective colours when a knock sounds on the cell door. You look up as Natasha opens the door, greeting Wanda with a smile.

"You doing okay?" you ask.

Natasha nods. "Thank you for being here, Y/N. And as for Wanda-" she switches her gaze- "we've got a room prepared for you if you're willing to stay. You can learn to control your powers; the team agreed I can train you."

"I would like that," Wanda mumbles, her nerves around the assassin still clear.

"Come on then, I'll take you to your room.” Natasha smiles and escorts her out, but before falling out of your earshot, she leans into Wanda conspiratorially, “I’ll even give you the secret to beating Y/N at that game.”

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Unconditionally, uncontrollably, undoubtedly (Rose Lavelle x Reader)

So it's been a really long, stressful few weeks, I lost my motivation/energy to write. However, I'm lucky enough to be in the same time zone as the world cup which has definitely given my motivation back. With my upcoming holiday and moving, sorry to say this is probably going to be the last fic I post for at least a month.

First time writing for Rose, hope you enjoy :)

Words: 1.1K

Between media, training, recovery and exploring with the girls, it had been an incredibly long week. You would think with how exhausted I was, sleep would be coming easy, but it wasn't. I missed sleeping next to my girlfriend. Knowing she was only a few doors down didn't help. Of course Rose and I still spent time with each other, it just wasn't as much. Tiredness and missing my girlfriend turned into grumpiness which became obvious to the team at training when I practically ignored everyone or gave one word answers. Even to Rose. 

Once training had ended, I skipped team bonding deciding to go float in the pool instead. It was relaxing and I knew no one would look for me there except maybe Rose. After maybe half an hour there was a disturbance in the water making me look over to find Rose crouching down next to the pool.

"Hey."

I swam over, leaning up to peck her lips, "Hey yourself."

"Glad to see you're not mad at me."

"Sorry about today, I was just grumpy in general not at anyone in particular."

"I noticed, everyone noticed actually. Do you want to come watch a movie in my room with me?"

"Can't promise I'll last a whole movie but I would love that. Let me go shower quickly and get changed, I'll meet you there?"

"Deal."

When Rose opened the door, I was met with a dim room lit only by fairy lights and the TV. There were flowers lying on the bedside table, my favourite pasta and chocolate waiting on the table. Rose stood next to me, playing with her fingers as a nervous smile appeared. It was understandable. While I had never really snapped at Rose because I was tired, I hated doing stuff when I was this exhausted. Preferring to either just watch tv or go to sleep with very little conversation. However, at this point I would do pretty much anything to spend time with Rose. My heart fluttered at the fact she had done this for me. I wrapped my arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "What's all this?"

"You get grumpy when you're tired or stressed. I know we haven't had a lot of time together and like me you're probably struggling to sleep. So I thought we were overdue for a date night. I know you don't li-"

"I love it Rose. I love you. You know me too well."

She smiled proudly, kissing my cheek, "I love you Y/n. Coach gave us permission to have a sleep over tonight since tomorrows an off day. He also said he doesn't mind if we do it more often as long as it's only on days off. "

"Really?"

"Really. When I said everyone noticed your grumpiness, I meant everyone."

"Thank you Rosie. I really needed this."

"I know. So did I."

Rose picked up the flowers, holding them out to me, "These are for you."

"They're beautiful, I love them. Thank you."

Rose took my hand, leading me over to the table. She had lit a few candles, spread a few rose petals over the table and set the table nicely with my favourite pasta, some garlic bread and a wine glass of cranberry juice. Maybe odd combination, but it was my favourite. I cupped Roses cheek, kissing her with as much love and passion as I could. I loved this girl more than I ever thought was possible. 

When we had first started seeing each other, I wasn't really that into her. She was nice enough, she just wasn't my type. My friend had set us up and really wanted me to at least try, claiming that we had a lot in common. It turns out the only real thing we had in common was our love for dogs and soccer, but Rose had actually been interested in hearing about my interests and learning more about them. It had been a long time since anyone was so interested try some of their hobbies from time to time what I was saying so despite not being into her, I had agreed to a second then a third date. To this day, 6 years later, that was the best decision I had ever made. The more we saw each other, the more I fell for her. Now I couldn't imagine my life without her. Turns out you don't need a lot in common with someone to be with them, you just need to be willing to listen.

After eating, we just sat and talked for a while. Something that we hadn't had much time for over the last few weeks. It was the most I had been able to relax since the world cup started. I knew there was still a long way to go, there would be more sleepless nights, less time together and stress, but it felt like a weight had been lifted and I could breathe again. 

One of Rose's favourite songs started playing quietly from my phone, making her smile widely. I held my hand out, Rose quickly taking it without hesitation. I spun her around, giggles spilling out as my arm wrapped around her waist, the other still holding her hand. Rose looped her arm around my shoulder, pecking my lips quickly. "You don't like dancing."

"Maybe not, but here, with you, it's my second favourite thing in the world."

"Second? What's the first?"

"You. No matter how many dogs we may get, it will always be you. 6 years ago, I made the best decision of my life when I agreed to go out with you. You've changed my life in a way I never expected. I can't imagine a day where I don't get to see your smile, hear your laugh or your voice. I look forward to the day when there's no more travel or nights apart, where we wake up and go to sleep together every single day. Those are my favourite times of the day, no matter what the day will or has brought, they never fail to bring a smile to my face. This isn't how I planned to do this. Actually, I didn't have a plan, all I knew was it would happen sometime during the world cup when the time was right. There's never been a time that's felt more right than now."

I pulled out the ring that had been accompanying me everywhere we went for the last month or so, just waiting for the right time. A hand covered her mouth, the other clutching mine. I dropped down to one knee, only letting go of her hand for a second to open the box before finding it again. 

"Unconditionally, uncontrollably, undoubtedly, I love you Rose Lavelle. Will you marry me?"

Rose fell onto her knees in front of me, holding me tightly, warm drops falling against my neck, "Yes, yes I'll marry you. What is it you said? Unconditionally, uncontrollably, undoubtedly, I love you Y/n Y/l/n." 

[burningdaybreak]

"BURN and CHILL" — The Duality of BAD DOGS

Hello everyone! First of all, I'm sorry for not posting a proper essay in the last two months; as I mentioned in my short post the other day, I lost motivation to write for a bit, then thought I should wait until Akito5 (or rather, Rekindle the flame) to post this... however, I think I won't add in Akito5 things after all except for some small things, and rather may write a proper essay about the event sometime soon. This essay had been pretty much done for a while now, but because of my small hiatus, it took me this long to post it. Sorry. (By the way, I fixed and finished this essay while taking breaks from tiering Akito5. I blame any mistakes on that.) Anyways... (Previous introduction) So, ever since I posted my last essay, my works have been getting quite a bit of attention, and I've gotten a lot of interactions and new followers, which makes me happy. I hope people have been enjoying what I write! The topic of this essay is Akito and Touya's duality and contrasts, both within themselves and with each other, which I believe is a pretty interesting topic. There's a lot to talk about here, so, let's get into it!

0. Introduction

Duality: the quality or state of having two different or opposite parts or elements.

When it comes to their characters, their designs, their personalities, and even individual stories, Akito and Touya are pretty much opposites; they contrast each other when it comes to all those aspects, and yet, they're completely inseparable. They are pretty much made to fit together, being two halves of the same whole. The contrasts and differences between each other — or in other words, the duality of their relationship, is basically what makes them perfect for each other, since what one lacks, the other makes up for, and with the other's help and support, they can push each other forward; this, in turn, makes them to be the best partner possible for the other, allowing each other to grow — together. And, through that, they become one, united through one of their common traits: their love for music, spawning a desire to sing with each other and nobody else, forever and ever; an inseparable couple with an unbreakable bond and a growing love for each other that won't be replaced by anybody else... Together, they become BAD DOGS! And so, in this essay, I will talk about their contrasts in a lot of parts of their characters: from the more mundane aspects, like school grades, to how they interact with others, and even their family backgrounds, among other things.

1. Character design

Starting from their very character designs, Akito and Touya are already opposites: their image colors, orange (#FF7721) and blue (#0077DD), are one of the primary complementary color pairs. Complimentary colors are combinations of cool and warm colors that, when placed together, they bring out the best in each other by making their complement more vibrant and noticeable. Even when it comes to their image colors, they're perfect for each other. The warm and cool aspects are also apparent in their designs, with their hair colors (Akito's orange and dyed-blonde hair V.S. Touya's dual-blue hair), both of their default outfits (Akito's outfit colors being predominantly warm colors, such as yellow, red, orange; while Touya's are predominantly cool colors, like purple and blue), and even their personalities, which I'll get into soon. Furthermore, we have BURN and CHILL, the words for Akito and Touya's World Link chapters' Top 100 ranking's titles, which makes their contrasts even more apparent and intentional. Speaking of their personalities, and their warm and cool natures, we also need to mention how Akito and Touya are themed after the sun and moon, respectively. Both of Touya's old and new default designs feature moon-related things, with both of them having "DerMond", which stands for The Moon in German; and his new design having "VERSTECKT MONAT" in the back.

Fun fact: "VERSTECKT MONAT" actually means Hidden Month, but it's likely they actually meant for it to say Hidden Moon, which would have had to be "VERSTECKT MOND"; this mistake possibly comes from the fact that the kanji for moon, 月, stands for both "month" and "moon".

On the other hand, Akito does not have direct associations with the sun in either of his designs like Touya does, but his new default design features the word "SCORCHING", which can be related to the sun. However, we can mention how Akito's last name, Shinonome (東雲), means "daybreak" or "sunrise", which does actually associate him with the sun in some form.

For other forms of sun & moon association in Akito and Touya, we have Akito's second event song, 月光 (Gekkou), translated to Moonlight, obviously being related to the moon; while ミライ (Mirai), Touya's second event song, features a sunrise in its song jacket, so it's related to the sun. Although Gekkou is not explicitly related nor referencing Touya (I talk about this song more in-depth in The Gay Akito Thesis™, if you'd like to learn more about it), I believe the fact that it can be related to Touya; symbolically, it fits Akito and Touya's relationship, and how Akito is chasing after Touya, to be on the same level as his partner, and how the moonlight (Touya) is guiding Akito and taking care of him, always watching over him and supporting him. On the other hand, Mirai (which means Future), a song representing Touya's journey with Vivid BAD SQUAD, and how has finally found a place that accepts him and that he feels comfortable in, a place where he can be himself — a place where they can laugh. Looking back fondly at everything they went through, grateful to everyone and wanting to keep all these memories close to him, and how he wants to keep walking alongside his friends, even in the future — therefore giving this name to the song. Once again, this song is not explicitly related to nor referencing Akito, but between the sunrise in the song jacket, and the lyrics referencing Touya's journey, which Akito is a very important part of, you could say this song can be related to Akito; he's the one that has always been with Touya, the one that showed Touya this new world, the one that brought back Touya's happiness and laughter, and the one that Touya wants to sing alongside with, forever and ever — in a way, Akito is Touya's future.

Another fun fact: Gekkou and Mirai are the only Vivid BAD SQUAD event songs where both Akito and Touya have Another Vocals at the same time, making this association with each other even further. RAD DOGS also has an Another Vocal for Akito and Touya, but it's a duet rather than solo alts, which is also a noteworthy fact because it's the only Akito + Touya duet Another Vocal.

Finally, even in their card sets, you can see how they're themed after each other's theme, with sunlight being a predominant theme in Same Dreams,Same Colors' cards, while moonlight is one of the main parts of Akito and Touya's cards in THE POWER OF UNITY's cards:

Final fun fact of this section: Speaking of Same Dreams,Same Colors, we can mention how Touya's card's costume is named Winter Camp Jacket, while Akito's is named Autumn Camp Jacket; this is a reference to their names as the kanji for "Tou" (冬) in Touya can also mean winter, and "Aki" is also the word for autumn or fall in Japanese. Coincidentally, Same Dreams,Same Colors was released on December 20, 2021, right before the Winter Solstice (December 21), which is when the fall season ends and the winter season begins, making it very fitting that both Touya and Akito were the main cards in the gacha banner.

Considering these two songs are the second event songs for each of them (that is, the second event song rotation), and they're themed after the other's theme in both songs and cards, along with both having Another Vocals in both songs, you could say they reference each other in these events, too.

2. Personality

When it comes to their actual personalities, they are also very like the sun and moon, with their characters even being themed after those: Akito is the sun, in the way he guides people — he fuels others' passions by the intensity of his own. Furthermore, he is the sun in the way that his fire often burns so bright and hot that it burns him along with it. He is very passionate and active and with a desire to shine the brightest, to be in the spotlight — the star of the show. Then, Touya is the moon, in the way that he's more gentle in his approach to things; mysterious at first glance, but often one of the brightest lights despite the darkness — with a soft, illuminating, and guiding presence — and who is somehow so perfectly positioned to match the sun. As an extra detail, the moon is allowed to shine thanks to the sun's light, which really fits Akito and Touya's relationship of Akito bringing back the light to Touya's life, allowing him to shine as his own person once more. And now, Akito is chasing after his partner's light — the moonlight, aiming to reach his level, to walk by his side and reach their dreams together. Even here, their relationship of giving and receiving is abundantly clear: Akito grants light and love to Touya, and to reciprocate, Touya wants Akito to rely on him too; to give back that light and love that was given to him. Chasing after each other, relying on each other, inspiring each other, guiding each other... this cycle of giving love and reciprocating that love is a core part of their relationship, and what makes them so inseparable.

However, when it comes to sun and moon, we should also talk about the usual sun / moon perception in fandoms, and how people interpret both Akito and Touya: In the traditional sense of the trope, "sun" characters are characters that are active, loud, cheerful, and often associated with dogs (more especifically golden retrievers); while, on the other hand, "moon" characters are characters that are viewed as cold, rude, harsh, and quiet, and associated with cats (normally black cats). From that description, I could say Akito is a bit like the moon in the way that he's more aloof, reserved, and "introverted", not bothering with matters that don't interest him and only really having a special spot for Touya (and only doing things if they somehow involve Touya), and being kind of rough and rude. Akito can also easily be associated with cats due to his double-faced personality, his fear of dogs, his reserved nature but affection for specific people, and his orange hair and green eyes, which is the most common pretty much default orange cat. Furthermore, Touya has been shown with a specific, stray orange cat a few times, which I believe is no coincidence...

Fun fact: 猫被り or nekokaburi, which means "wolf in sheep's clothing" or "feigned innocence", or directly translated as "donning a cat's mask", is an expression that Akito is officially referred by. In his paired Kizuna Rank title with Kohane, ハムハムと猫被り (Hamuhamu and Nekokaburi), hamuhamu is a word used to describe eating noises, and Kohane is also often associated with hamsters in the game, which this title definitely references, since hamu also means hamster. (Also hamsters make cute noises when they eat! Therefore, hamuhamu.) And so, one could think that nekokaburi isn't just a term to describe Akito's double-faced personality, but also to associate him with cats, due to the way some cats are that appear to be friendly, but can be aloof and temperamental, which really highlights the contrast between Akito's appearance and what he's truly like; giving this title a quite fitting double meaning — describing Kohane and Akito's personalities, but also associating both characters with those animals. However, this double meaning was sort of lost in the official English translation, as it was simply translated to "Hammie & Feigned Innocence"; although it's understandably difficult to translate it and keep the original meaning behind it.

Meanwhile, Touya is a bit like the sun in the way that he's bright and more "extroverted", curious to learn and try new things for the sake of experience, which you could associate with him being dog-like — a puppy-like innocence with a desire to interact with the new world around him, having been caged for many years. Furthermore, in the Project SEKAI×Sanrio Characters collab, Touya got a card with Pochacco the dog, and Akito himself compares Touya with Pochacco in his curiosity; not to mention the collab's 4koma featuring Touya with dog ears and a tail, which he is wagging out of excitement — he definitely seems like the kind of boy who needs a tail to wag. Touya is generally laid back, with a calm and quiet nature, but because of his inexperience, he has a tendency to wander into things for the sake of learning and experiencing new things. And so, he's more inclined to talking with people and helping others, which can lead one to believe Touya's similar to the sun. When it comes to the fandom and associating them with the sun and moon, people they often end up trying to shove them into the usual "boxes" of the common sun and moon tropes, often leading to mischaracterization, since they don't look at these characters any more deeply than a surface level read of them. As is usual for common sun characters, Akito is cheerful, loud, and active at a first glance, but there's more to him than that; furthermore, believing he's a "golden retriever-like" character just doesn't feel right. I'd say he's definitely very dog-like, despite his fear of dogs, but golden retrievers are more like dogs that are playful and friendly, which Akito really isn't; he's more of a dog in the sense that he's very loyal (to Touya), determined, and with a fiery and strong personality. He also lowkey likes getting praised by his partner. He's a lot like a dog... but I believe that, ultimately, he's not actually a dog — just that he acts like/wants to be like a dog. While Touya, as is usual for common moon characters, is quiet and with what can be interpreted as a scary and tough appearance, this is just the first impression of him as a person and not all there is to his true self. I could say he's a bit cat-like, but I believe the connection is weaker and most of the time comes from judging him on the surface (viewing him as a mysterious, quiet, withdrawn guy), and not taking into account his whole personality and development. However, the fact both of them can be associated with both dogs and cats is quite interesting and fun, and adds yet another contrast in themselves, and also between each other. A "cat that wants to be like a dog" (Akito) and a "dog that acts like a cat" (Touya) are simply perfect fits for them — very contradictory, which is a common theme in both of them. [Addition post-Rekindle the flame: in Kohane's 4✰ card's second side story, we have both Kohane and An commenting on how a cat really fits Akito, so we now have an explicit mention of Akito being like a cat... this is huge, really. Akito truly and intentionally is like a cat.]

Disregarding what animals they would theorically be, however, since it's not really important... thinking that Akito's the sun and Touya's the moon for the reasons I mentioned in the previous paragraphs isn't wrong, because they are the sun and moon, respectively; but if people believe there's nothing more to them than what is associated with the tropes, I think it shows a lack of understanding to the depth of their characters — it's a case of "judging books by their covers"; which is something Akito absolutely hates, by the way. Project Sekai's characters are characters that are in constant development, and they keep changing and growing as people as they explore the world around them and interact with their close ones and other people they meet. Growth is a very important theme among all the characters, so pushing them into singular boxes, or common tropes, or anything else, and not viewing any depth in them, is not really right. They are growing, they aren't simple people and there's more to them than meets the eye, so saying they are this or that will never be fully right. But in the end, when taking into account their whole characters and designs, Akito is the sun and Touya is the moon (as they are explicitly themed after these), but they have traits of the other even if they aren't themed after it — they kind of are "a sun that acts like the moon" and "a moon that acts like the sun", putting it simply. I think this makes them quite contrastful and very interesting characters; this depth leads to them being interpreted in many ways, and even if many of those interpretations aren't fully correct, it's interesting to see how people view these characters, and shows just how deep and complex they really are. They are a bit of everything, in my opinion, and I genuinely think they can't be boiled down to just one thing or another. The way I see it, they'd be more like a mix of a bunch of contradictory things... rather than fitting in just one, individual box.

Following up on the topic of the impression of their characters, Akito and Touya are also contrasting in the way they initially appear in the story, and how they subvert those expectations. When he first appears in Vivid BAD SQUAD's main story, Akito is shown acting surprisingly outward, friendly, relaxed, polite, and gentle, hiding his true nature... that is, showing a fake innocence (nekokaburi, which, as mentioned earlier, means "wolf in sheep's clothing" or "feigned innocence", and is a term that Akito has officially been referred by). In reality, Akito's a very serious guy, who doesn't mince his words, and acts mostly cold and rude to most people that aren't important to him (mainly his partner). He has a double-faced nature, so to say. This shows a duality within Akito himself, where he shows a good face to other people in order to keep a cordial relationship, and therefore avoid troublesome situations. This is pretty interesting as Akito is someone who really pushes himself to make up for what he lacks: he has no music experience, and in an attempt to reach the level of his teammates, he overworks himself; and in the same way, he makes up for his lack of interest in interacting with others by showing off a fake personality. There is more things Akito tries to make up for, such as attempting to seem tougher than he is and appearing stereotypically manly; however, that's a topic that will be brought up later. All of the aforementioned is so people won't judge him prematurely; Akito hates people that make fun of him and his skills, but most of all, of what's most important to him — that is, his dream. On the other hand, when Touya first appears, he's shown as a scarily quiet and reserved guy, who doesn't really talk nor show emotions. This directly contrasts Akito's (fake) outward and friendly personality, though it also contrasts Akito's true nature of not mincing his words and saying what he thinks. At first, Touya is a character who doesn't really express how he feels, whether on his face or verbally. After a childhood that was mainly spent dedicated to playing classical music, unable to ever satisfy his family's high expectations, Touya grew apart from his emotions and leading an unhappy life, until he finally grew tired of it and ran away. Meeting Akito was the beginning of getting back in touch with his emotions, being able to enjoy music once again by singing with him, and everyone's kindness and support showing him that he can now be his own person. Touya then slowly learns how to show his feelings, becoming a happier person than he was in the past thanks to his partner, his friends, and everyone else that supports him, showing his true nature as a boy with a curiosity to explore the world around him and learn new things about himself and everything that surrounds him, and with a desire to repay the kindness of everyone that has helped him become his own person. This shows a contrast within Touya himself, too, between his sad, past self, and his happy, current self. Comparing his current personality, such as in his recent focus event Let It Ring! Beautiful Sound!, and his personality back when he met Akito, as shown in the VIRTUAL SINGER World Link event At the Beginning of SEKAI With You, in Len's chapter, is like night and day; Touya is much happier and cheerful nowadays, all thanks to his partner.

For contrasts between each other, we have the fact that Akito is insecure about himself and masks his true self, both through a feigned innocence, and by making up for his weaknesses; while Touya is more genuine and simply showing himself as he is, now confident in his own person. We also have the fact that, despite their first impressions, with Akito being more friendly, and Touya being more cold, the tables are turned and Akito is actually the more introverted and reserved person, mainly keeping to himself and being mostly cold to others, while Touya is more extroverted and always down to interact with others. But that doesn't mean Akito's exclusively reserved, since he still very much has an active, passionate, and fiery personality; and Touya isn't simply outward and someone who talks with others easily, he's still quiet and calm. This shows how contrasting their own personalities are, too. As a funny mention, Akito does end up often doing things and interacting with people he normally wouldn't do so because of Touya, folding pretty easily when Touya asks him to do something by simply saying "Akito.", or doing things if they are even mildly related to his partner. His partner ends up being a source of motivation quite often.

🥞 So… I'm only helpin' you out here for Touya's sake, alright.

And we also have Touya often being kept in check by Akito, with the latter sort of overprotecting Touya and looking after him at all times. In the end, even in funny ways, they make up for each other's faults, and they help the other grow and improve and be better versions of themselves — that's what being partners is about, after all. Yet another interesting contrast to mention is how they approach problems: Touya has been shown to have a predisposition to run away from and avoid troublesome things that he doesn't know how to face. The main example of this is in Vivid BAD SQUAD's main story, where rather than telling Akito how he feels, Touya instead lied to him, which resulted in BAD DOGS' temporary break up. Touya believed that lying to his partner would be better than disappointing him, and so, he ran away from his feelings, and from Akito. Touya was afraid of facing his partner and telling him about those feelings he dislikes. He was scared that Akito wouldn't accept those feelings, that he would leave him; but he also thought Akito deserved a better partner than him, someone who wasn't so half-hearted. He kept running away from his feelings: not just from telling them to his partner, but also from how he really felt, since he did actually love music, and enjoyed singing with Akito, and wanted to chase his dream — their dream, together. But Akito's recklessness and refusal to give up on them allowed Akito and Touya to become partners once again. Akito accepts Touya no matter what, even though he never believed Touya was half-hearted and always believed in him; and he makes Touya voice how he really feels.

☕ Gh…! Isn’t it obvious that I want to…! I’ve felt that so many times! I wanted to chase that dream with you as far as I could…!

Despite that, Touya was still unsure about being partners with Akito, but Akito won't allow any other outcome; they both know how they feel, they both want to be together, and that's all that matters:

🥞 Oh, shut up already. Don’t go makin’ this complicated. I want to be with you, and you want to be with me as well. And after that, our dream will come true. … Isn’t that enough?

With his partner by his side, Touya will no longer run away from how he really feels, and keep singing with Akito, no matter what, for years to come.

Another example of Touya's predisposition to run away is back before meeting Akito, when he ran away from home because he couldn't handle the stress of living under the pressure of his family's expectations. However, the regrets of that choice haunted him for a long time, affecting him and his self-confidence, preventing him to be proud of himself and his works. Fortunately, he's now gotten to terms with it, and accepts both classical music and the fact that he ran away. This is something he can't change, but he now accepts it as part of himself: he may regret running away from classical music, but he realizes that, as long as he enjoyed that time, he shouldn't beat himself up over it, and instead use it as his weapon — his feelings and experiences will allow him to become a better version of himself, and create stuff he can be proud of.

"My past has become my strength."

Akito, on the other hand, faces things head on, and more often than not, in a reckless way; such as participating in the Crawl Green live, despite only having been singing for a year and definitely not having enough skill for it, because Shepard challenged him and he had a pride to uphold; or how years later he faced that same team challenged him to a duel and, despite winning, he immediately went running and didn't celebrate his victory because he can't be satisfied with his current skill level. He's a guy that does things on the spur of the moment: he follows his own code (or, in other words, his heart), and does what he truly wants — what he feels is right. Suddenly quitting soccer, and suddenly deciding to dedicate his whole life to singing... and also confronting people because he's not satisfied with how things went (confronting Touya in Vivid BAD SQUAD's main story), or approaching his friends because he feels something is wrong, like An in Someday, with Our Lyrics Joined Back-to-Back and Bout for Beside You, and Arata in THE POWER OF UNITY. Akito can feel when something's going wrong with others, and often confronts them to know what's up. However, that recklessness makes him charge ahead when he's not satisfied with nor believes in himself, and he ignores his own feelings and even his health because of it. Calm down, boy... Fortunately, with his partner and teammates by his side, Akito doesn't have to recklessly rush ahead; he now has friends with the same goal as him, and with them by his side, even when he feels lost and helpless, he can rely on them — they'll help him back up, and support him along the way. They are a team that walks together.

☕ So, in those times where you've hit a wall… rely on me more!

And yet, when it comes to facing other people, Touya is predisposed to help others and interacting with them; if someone needs help, he's likely to accept right away, because he enjoys experiencing new things and likes repaying favors. The main case of this would be Walk on and on, Touya's third focus event, where Touya decides to learn how to compose his own tracks, in order to be able to help his team in some way, and at the same time show his gratitude to them — especially his partner — and how much he appreciates them by pouring his feelings onto his music. Some other minor examples of this are Let's study hard !, where Touya was going to help Akito and An with their studies no matter what (since he's always worried about their grades and them studying properly), and even invited Rui to help tutor Tsukasa, Akito, and An along with him. Or in Take the Best Shot !, where Touya helps Kohane with the photography competition she's entering in order to win special chocolates for An... In short, Touya is a person who is inclined to help others, and likes to give back to everyone, grateful for everything they've done for him. Meanwhile, Akito is mainly wary when it comes to interacting with people that he isn't close to (which is... most people that aren't Touya), and he would rather avoid troublesome things that don't interest him. However, when he does something, he does give it his all — he doesn't like half-assing things. For example, in Rise as ONE! where, despite his fear of dogs, he trains very hard to do his best at the dog disc competition because he related to the bond the injured owner had with his dog Max, which really shows, uh... Akito's one-track mind when it comes to his partner and how passionate he is about him. As mentioned earlier, Akito often ends up doing things he normally wouldn't because of Touya or something related to him, either getting convinced by Touya and giving in pretty quickly, or because his one-way brain somehow relates something random to his partner. So, a guy who runs away, avoiding his problems; and another who recklessly rushes ahead, facing his problems head on... yet, at the same time, the former is always up to help others and engaging with other people, while the latter avoids interacting with troublesome things.

Finally, we can also mention their social skills — or in simpler terms, how they are "book smart vs street smart": Touya has a lot of knowledge, and is very smart and studious, but he has a total lack of experience in socialising due to his isolated childhood and barely interacting with other people, so he comes off a bit more clumsy and awkward in those settings. He's more experienced in studying rather than interacting with people; but at the same time, this lack of experience is what predisposes him to interact with others and learning more about them, always available to talk to anybody and help them, in order to experience new things. On the other hand, Akito is more versed in interacting with people, with a more regular upbringing — having had to live "by his own means" in the streets to gain experience and make a name for himself, interacting with and facing many kinds of people; that, along with his "customer service face" and general double-faced nature, allows him to socialize well with most people. However, when it comes to school studies... he's not very good! He doesn't really care about studying and is more about living his life to the full — which Touya isn't quite happy about... but then Akito will put in effort for once and make Touya smile brighter than ever and Akito becomes a blushing mess upon being complimented... they're so funny. With that difference in socialization, they make up for each other, with Akito doing "most of the talking", as Touya says; and they contrast each other, too, even when it comes to how they face studying, with Touya helping Akito... although not often by Akito's choice, as Touya takes studies very seriously and will get mad at Akito if he fails. And so, they are quite opposites when it comes to how they deal with problems, and how they face and interact with other people. They keep each other in check; when one runs, the other will catch up, and when one is held back, the other will push him ahead. Those differences in personality actually help them understand each other perfectly: they support each other, and help each other grow, and will always be there for the other... that's what being partners is all about, in the end.

3. Background

Even in their backgrounds, Akito and Touya contrast each other, having had pretty different experiences with both music and their relationships with their family: As we know, Akito fell in love with music and decided to dedicate his whole life to it despite having no skill or experience. But despite that, Akito is determined and passionate to accomplish his dreams, and works extremely hard to improve and reach his goals. Even when he's on the brink of giving up, Akito will keep pushing forward, no matter what, because he finally found something that he truly wants to do — something that finally makes him feel alive; and alongside his partner, he'll keep singing... forever. On the other hand, Touya has lived with music since he was young, being a born prodigy and with a lot of musical experience. Dedicating most of his time to playing music, though, for around ten years, he ended up growing tired of this lifestyle, isolated from a "regular" life and frustrated at his inability to ever reach his parents' expectations, and it led him to run away from music. However, despite thinking otherwise after running away from it, Touya still loved music; although he was afraid of disappointing his partner, just like he disappointed his family in the past, and thought Akito deserved a partner who wasn't as half-hearted as Touya believed he himself was, Akito makes him realize that he still loves music. Nobody who hated music would dedicate as much time and effort as Touya did during those two years where they sang together. Touya finally realizes he actually loves music, and, most of all, singing alongside his partner; although he regrets some choices he made in the past, he learns that he can use his past as his "weapon" — his experiences are unique to him, and so they will become his strength. With this, he'll improve both himself and his music, in order to achieve his dreams — the dreams he shares with Akito. Or, in other words, their dreams.

☕️ Let's go, Akito. Let's make our dreams come true.

When comparing their music backgrounds, a really interesting point of contrast is their innate talent for music, and their relationship with music. Although he was the one that is a born prodigy and extremely gifted with music, it was Touya that briefly came to hate music; and Akito, who didn't have an innate ability for it, was the one who was so dedicated to his love for it that it even ended up hurting him at times. They were both hurt by music, but in different ways: because of their talent, or lack thereof. And yet, they both love music so much they couldn't help but keep fighting to stay with it. They love music so much, they want to keep singing and making music for as long as they live — with the best partner they both could ask for by their side.

When it comes to their family background, and their relationships with their families, there's also many contrasts between Akito and Touya. Touya's family is more traditional and strict with how they raised and educated Touya, expecting him to continue the family tradition of becoming renowned classical musicians. He had a very isolated life: dedicating most of his time to this objective — an objective that he believed he could never reach due to the difference in skill level between him and his father. Exhausted and unsatisfied by this constrained lifestyle, he ended up running away from both classical music and that life. An important detail to mention is, although he wasn't happy with that life, and felt guilt and regret over running away from it for a long time, Touya does not hate either classical music or his father, which is something the fandom often misinterprets. Despite everything he went through, Touya doesn't reject either classical music, and still appreciates it, even if he doesn't have a desire to actively play it anymore. He is grateful for all the knowledge and experience it granted him, and appreciates his family regardless. Opposite to Touya, though, Akito's family raised him with more freedom — or rather, less strictly, and less worried about him. Unlike Touya's father, who was a big presence in Touya's life and education, Akito's father, Shinei, was quite absent, instead occupied by his job as an artist; so you could say the Shinonome family lacked a father figure. Furthermore, even when he was there, Shinei wasn't very good as a parent: when Akito's sister, Ena, expressed the wish to become an artist like their father, instead of encouraging and motivating her as a good parent would, he instead discouraged her in the worst way possible, effectively ruining her life. Although we later find out that it was because the life of an artist is very rough and Shinei didn't want his daughter to also experience those hardships, he really didn't express it well at all.

With a father that was mostly absent, and who barely carried his role as a father well, the Shinonome family did not really have a male role model that taught and guided the children of the family. So, despite being the younger brother, Akito pretty much took up the role of a "male role model" for his sister, supporting and looking after her as she lived a life with the regret of being unable to carry out her dream. This, in turn, led him to have a warped view on masculinity and gender roles, which will be elaborated on in the next section. Unlike Touya's family, where Harumichi (Touya's father) had high expectations for his children, and wanted Touya to continue the family tradition of becoming classical musicians just as his brothers previously did, Akito's family had a father that did not want his children to follow in his steps, and neither parent had particular expectations for their children and instead allowed them to do what they wanted. This leads to a curious contrast, where Touya mainly lived a strict and difficult life and, upon fleeing from it, became more free and able to do what he wanted, while Akito (and Ena) lived a very free life, where they were allowed to do what they wanted, with no expectations or rules for them, and yet chose to focus on a difficult goal for which they weren't experienced or talented for — Touya fled from a cage, and Akito and Ena chose to place themselves in one, in a metaphorical way. However, Akito instead found a male role model in a different person: Ken-san, the man that ignited a fire in him upon witnessing RAD WEEKEND, and also the one that motivated Akito to keep singing when he was on the brink of giving up, pushing him forward and giving him the advice to do what he loves, regardless of what others think. Akito truly respects and appreciates Ken-san's guidance, being extremely excited and immediately agreeing to being trained by him in BURN MY SOUL — there's no bigger honor for Akito than to be taught by the man that contributed so much to his life... Ken-san is, in a way, a second father to him.

In contrast to the comparison between Shinei and Harumichi and the education of their children and their expectations for them, Ken-san plays a positive role on Akito as a person, motivating him to follow his dream and guiding Akito forward, and allowing him to be true to himself, while Harumichi wasn't such a positive influence in Touya's life, where, rather than motivating Touya, he mainly pressured him to be a specific way and didn't give him room to grow. To finish off, Ken-san's positive influence can be broadly associated to Vivid Street and all the people living there: with a community that is united by music and the freedom to sing as you like, Akito, Touya, and everyone else are able to be free — be themselves, and have as much fun as possible, without worrying about labels or expectations. Vivid Street is pretty much like a big family, especially to An, and they accept and support anybody who wishes to express themselves through music. Although derailing a bit from the current topic, Vivid Street is interesting in the way that it can work as a queer community allegory: a community that allows the Vivid BAD SQUAD kids to be and find themselves and supporting them to show their true selves. Besides An, who lived there to begin with, the other Vivid BAD SQUAD kids all grew and figured out stuff about themselves singing in Vivid Street, away from their homes — from their previous lives, so to say; away from the regular life that wanted them to stick to rules and norms, labels, and usual expectations. As mentioned before, in Vivid Street, they can sing freely, having as much fun as they want, and without worrying about anything — they can just be themselves, and do what they truly want to do: sing along with their partners, and reach their dreams together. And nothing else matters! They're just them, regardless of what others think; and that's what's important, in the end.

4. Gender

(Disclaimer: This section may repeat things from the previous section; this is because I wrote this one first.) Following up on the queer topic, a very interesting yet possibly controversial topic is how both Akito and Touya view and interact with gender, whether directly or indirectly. Masculinity, gender roles, and conforming to those... it's quite interesting to think about. While I've already talked quite a bit about this topic in The Gay Akito Thesis™, my aim here is to compare Akito and Touya's characters. Also because I like talking about this topic. On the topic of Akito and gender, I talk about it more in-depth in The Gay Akito Thesis™, so I recommend checking that essay for a wider look at the topic, but the most essential part is that Akito's writing is very gendered; it is a very ingrained part of Akito's character, whether intentionally or not. The way he hides and even ignores his feelings and emotions and how he hates crying, viewing those as weaknesses and ashamed of showing any sign of being weak or uncool in front of others, are typical elements of traditional masculinity. He also often deals with his problems with anger, and sometimes aggressiveness, and showing frustration, which are more "socially acceptable" for men traditionally. He even used to exhibit behavior that can be interpreted as toxic masculinity in the past, saying things that can be seen as homophobic — which can be easily related to insecurity of his own sexuality and what others could think of it, since it comes off that way rather than actual bigoted behavior. (Fortunately, that kind of behavior hasn't popped up at all in a long time, proving he's not a bigot and was just insecure) Akito's very reserved when it comes to how he feels, and insecure about himself, viewing himself as "weak" and "not good enough", therefore actively trying to be masculine to make up for his faults and flaws. Even though I don't think anybody else would really mind his real self, Akito is not satisfied with himself, and others making fun of him and his goals got to him, so he ended up ingraining traditionally masculine traits onto himself to appear cool, strong, and manly to others. This overly masculine behavior can quite easily be associated with his sexuality and gender, more specifically to homosexuality and transexuality and insecurity of those, although those fall more into personal interpretation territory; however, I deeply believe these queer readings fit into Akito's character and story perfectly, and even enhance it (as I explain in The Gay Akito Thesis™). Akito actively tries to be masculine, to conform to "normal" masculinity, and hiding and avoiding his feelings and emotions to not be seen as weak by others. He's not satisfied with himself and how he thinks others view him, therefore he'll show himself as someone that can't be made fun of, someone that others will take seriously, and show everyone just how strong and determined he really is. He'll become someone that he himself can be satisfied with.

This is not to say that Akito isn't cool, strong, or manly, though, those are very much part of himself; but, deep down, Akito's an insecure person who doubts himself and his abilities, and his arc is all about getting to terms with how far he has come and getting in touch with his emotions and showing them to everyone to become a better version of himself, and accepting himself — learning that he's good enough and that there's no need to try so hard. He is fine just like he is, both how he feels inside and how he shows himself to others — they are all part of him, and he should be more confident in his abilities, and himself. On the other hand, Touya's gender is... a pretty debated topic in the fandom, so to say. Contrary to Akito, Touya does not really care about gender norms or roles, he's not particularly focused on how he shows himself to others nor if the stuff he does, such as wearing make up or carrying plushies around, are not "masculine". However, Touya himself is a masculine character. While Akito actively tries to be masculine, Touya has been raised in more traditional values, which leads him to be an inherently masculine character. The youngest son of the Aoyagi family... that's who Aoyagi Touya is, and that's a pretty important part of his character. The more conscious parts of his character, such as the expectations of carrying on the Aoyagi family tradition of becoming a classical musician just like his older brothers did; and the more unconscious parts, such as growing apart from his emotions and not showing them in the past, and expressing his frustration through anger rather than crying... these are all related to masculinity and traditional gender norms.

Fun fact: Touya is the only character who has not canonically cried at any time (as of writing this essay). In fact, his Live2D model is straight up not able to cry at all — he just can't cry (yet).

Touya being inherently masculine can be associated to the fact that he was raised in a family that was predominantly composed of men: his father, and his two older brothers. His mother takes on the more traditional role of a housewife, and therefore likely didn't have much of a role in Touya's education; it was mostly Touya's father who was in charge of teaching him, and so Touya ended up inheriting a lot of his father's values. But, Touya ends up running away from classical music, and by extension, that lifestyle. Meeting Akito was the first step — into a new life that he is happy, into a new world where he can find himself, away from that life that didn't allow him to be the happy little boy he was meant to be. By Akito's side, Touya slowly learns to be himself: figuring out what he's like, recovering the joy and happiness in his life, and bringing back the little boy in him that was never allowed out and is so curious to explore and interact with the world around him. And so, we go back to his gender: no longer held back by an unsatisfying life, Touya is now a guy who is very excited to learn new things and satiating his curiosity, and he's not held back by things being "not masculine" or "girly"; he has no problem trying out wearing make up, for example. In general, Touya seems like a character who does not really care about his gender, which often leads to the fandom to interpret him as girly and feminine, and even a woman — however, that's far from the truth. He's not afraid of trying out "feminine" things or having "cute" hobbies; he doesn't let how those things are viewed hinder him, and he simply doesn't care about how others view him. He just wants to be himself and enjoy his life. As it currently stands, he does not want to be a girl, and still views himself as a guy. He just doesn't really care about things like "gender" the same way Akito is. In the end, it's fine to headcanon or interpret characters any way you want, but I believe Touya's story and character mainly work because he's the son of the Aoyagi family, and as a boy, the expectations for him were higher; the guilt of going against the tradition, of disappointing his family, and most importantly, his father, have the weight on him that they do because he's a man, as (unfortunately) the society he lives in has higher expectations from men than women.

Running away from the traditional values of his family and the family tradition, and from society's expectations — with Touya slowly finding himself surrounded by a community of people that value him and allow him to be himself, not worried about the gender norms or his gender, along with the deep bond he has with his same-sex partner — really adds a very easy queer reading to his story and character. In short, Touya is confident in how he is, and comfortable in his current gender — he's just curious and excited to try new things, and not insecure about or held back by typical gender norms (like Akito is). He's totally fine and happy doing those things even as a man and that is, possibly, the epitome of masculinity. Akito and Touya both interact with their gender and identity in quite different ways, leading to more contrasts between their characters: Akito is a guy who actively tries to be masculine, while Touya is a guy who is inherently masculine. This likely comes, in part, from how they were raised: with Akito being raised with more liberty to do what he wanted, in a family that didn't look after him that much, and in a predominantly female family (his mother and sister), since his father was mostly absent due to work; while Touya was raised a lot more stictly by his father, and having a predominantly male family (father and brothers), with his mother not having much of a say on Touya's education and simply acting as a mother figure for him. This leads Akito to try very hard to be more masculine and take on a more typical male role when his unconfident and unsatisfied personality increase, with a harsh world that keeps trampling over him despite his sincere feelings. He doesn't want to be seen as weak or pathetic, therefore he'll show everyone just how strong and cool he is. Meanwhile, Touya is indifferent towards his masculinity and gender, wanting to explore the new world around him regardless of what others think. He's not worried at all about how others see him, he just wants to learn more about everything that he finds interesting. However, that doesn't mean he rejects his masculinity or gender — he's just not worried about it and very confident in how he is. This contrast, though, also leads to interesting situations between both of them, such as Akito, despite being more stubborn and embarrassed about his gender, he often sacrifices a little bit of embarrassment for Touya's sake when there's something his partner wants to do (for example, the photo print in Close game/OFFLINE where Akito and Touya had to pose cutely, but Akito sacrificing his dignity in order to win); or Touya, who's more carefree and doesn't worry about how others view him and gender (for example, him carrying around plushies he wins at crane games and Akito worried about how Touya will be seen as others (due to Akito's own insecurity), but Touya not really understanding what Akito's talking about, since he doesn't really care about those things).

In summary, the contrasts between Touya and Akito's genders and how they view it and interact with it are: Touya, although inherently masculine and raised more traditionally and strictly, does not really worry about how others view him and simply wants to enjoy himself, be himself, and explore the world around him, regardless of what others think — which, in a way, makes him truly masculine, as he's confident in how he really is. While Akito, raised more freely and allowed to do what he wants, really worries about how others view him and what they think of him — so he actively tries to conform to typical masculinity and gender roles, masking his insecurities, in an effort to not be mocked by others. This does not deny his manly self, though, and all the ways that Akito shows himself are a part of him — and it's part of his character development to come to terms with how he truly feels and accepting himself, as has happened more recently, with Akito being more confident and showing how he feels to others. Once again, they're pretty much opposites, but as two guys with a deep bond, who interact with and acknowledge each other's feelings, they support each other and grow as people — and as partners. These differences in how they view themselves, and each other, enhance their bond and make it stronger, as they can make up for what the other lacks. Despite the stereotype that men don't show how they feel (although their conflict during the main story is exactly due to their lack of communication), Akito and Touya are really in touch with their feelings, both their own and their partner's, and a big part of their arcs and their story together is about figuring out their feelings and finding themselves. While they don't explicitly show how they feel often, they don't have to — their relationship is so strong and deep, they don't need to put into words how they feel (though, deep down, they still would like to hear it...). And that, in a way, defies typical masculinity; their relationship itself goes against gender norms, and, for good reason, often leads it to be interpreted beyond a regular friendship... they truly love and care about each other. They're the best partner they could have, and the only one they ever want to be with.

5. Love

(Yet again, I am talking about love; sorry, I love this topic. As a disclaimer: it's quite similar to what I write about this topic in previous essays, so this section can be skipped if you're tired of the topic. However, I feel like it's something I must add, as it is relevant to the main point of the essay.) How Akito and Touya love, and also view love, also contrasts each other. I've brought up in various essays before, but a specific set of lines from Aun no Beats, a song that Akito and Touya cover, perfectly represents them:

🥞♪ Why do I want to be loved? ☕️♪ Why do I want to love?

Although it's not just this set of lines that represents them and their relationship, but the song in general (which I talk about in my previous essay, Aun no Beats & BAD DOGS' Relationship), these two lines exactly represent the very core of themselves and their relationship with love and, by extension, each other. Akito is a character driven by love. He only wants to do things he's truly passionate about, something that will make his heart beat — and when he truly cares about something, he will give it his all, putting all his effort and love into it. He is, then, a very loving character. Even if he's not "loved back", he doesn't back down or give up on doing what he loves; he listens to his heart, at all costs, doing what he wants to do, regardless of what others think. And yet, despite that burning passion and love, he wants that love to be reciprocated — he wants to be loved in the same way that he loves. Meanwhile, Touya is a character that grew up without love, estranged from his emotions and feelings. He led a life where the passion and love he held for music, for his family, for living slowly vanished, due to a lack of appreciation and freedom from the people around him. Actually, in a way, Touya was loved — but rather than as a person, it was for his talents and his potential. Therefore, Touya grew up without knowing what real love was like. However, meeting Akito, seeing his passion and love for music and for him, and Touya being appreciated for what he is, by both his partner and the new people he meets, allows Touya to find a place where he can be comfortable showing his emotions and feelings. So, Touya learns what love truly is like — and because of that, he wants to love, too; to give back to those that helped him break free from his past: Tsukasa (who Touya considers his savior) and Saki; and those that allowed him to be himself and appreciate and love him for what he is: Kohane, An, the town, his friends, and, most importantly, his partner, Akito. Akito and Touya, then, contrast in their relationship with love: Akito loves (music, the town and other people, etc.) while Touya is loved (by music, the town and other people, etc.); yet Akito wants to be loved, while Touya wants to love — or in other words, they want to receive and give back, respectively, from/to others and, most important, their partner. Their relationship with each other is, in short, one of mutual affection and love — of giving and receiving. Akito and Touya provide to the other what they want and need; they give and receive what they lack, while in turn receiving it from and giving it to their partner. While this point is about love, it also applies to many other things; they genuinely complete each other, making up for each other's shortcomings. They are truly perfect fits for each other, leading to an extremely strong and unbreakable relationship together.

I also wanted to take this chance to talk a bit about their relationship and its common interpretations. Although I've mentioned it many times before, their relationship is not inherently romantic. The concept of partners in Project Sekai is not a romantic partner, but rather, a companion or very close friend — that is, "aibou" (相棒, partner). The concept of aibou is pretty interesting because it is something very special: someone you're extremely close to, and the one and only person you want to be with. It's a very special bond that actually goes beyond a regular friendship — we see this in the way that An considers Haruka her best friend, which raises some brows considering how Kohane is so special and important to her, but this leads to the conclusion that an aibou simply transcends friendship. (Although, I genuinely believe Akito and Touya are not just partners, but also each other's best friends — there simply isn't anybody else they're closer to than each other! They truly mean everything to each other.) Even though it's not inherently romantic, Akito and Touya (and also An and Kohane)'s bond is so close and deep, it just feels like it is sometimes. I believe, rather than being merely platonic or merely romantic, it's more like the lines of the relationship is quite blurred, and this leads to being aibou. Putting it in a simple and funny (yet accurate) way, the concept aibou is not romantic at all, but they're just so gay and crazy about their partners that it becomes gay anyways. The bond between Akito and Touya is simply insane. Akito fell in love instantly with Touya; he knew from the first moment he saw him that he was the one — the one he wanted to partner up with.

🥞 (… I can't take my eyes off him.)

And upon singing with Akito, Touya also felt a special connection with him. Even though he wasn't aware of it at first, Touya, too, wanted to be with Akito, and forever be with him — and he would become aware of it later, and completely change him and his view of his partner. Akito fell first, and Touya fell harder, so to say. To put into perspective how insane their bond is: in Len's chapter from At the Beginning of SEKAI With You (the VIRTUAL SINGER World Link event), we find out that the Street Sekai versions of Rin and Len appeared because of Akito and Touya's bond as partners and how close they were to one another... Considering the only concrete lore across all depictions of the Kagamines is that they are reflections of one another and instrinsically linked, it really goes to show how close Akito and Touya were right from the start (or, perhaps, how close they were fated to become): they are pretty much meant to be with one another. (Disclaimer, just in case: This is in no way talking about anything romantic involving the Kagamines, and rather comparing Akito and Touya's platonic and partner bond with them.) To finish off, returning to talking about love and contrasts: Akito doesn't particularly love himself, not being confident in his skills and being insecure about being seen as weak and uncool; and yet, he pushes through and is confident on what he wants to achieve, always looking ahead and wanting to push past his limits. He, in a way, looks for this love for himself he lacks from others, wanting to be admired and loved. Similarly, Touya doesn't hold himself in high regard, with his past mistakes dragging him down and thinking he's not worthy of being Akito's partner; but, upon realizing his feelings and how he's loved and appreciated by Akito, he becomes confident on how he feels and what he wants to do — aiming to reach his dreams along with his partner. He knows he wants to be by Akito's side, for years to come, experiencing new things alongside him and giving back everything that Akito has given him. They're quite similar in this regard, in the way they're both unconfident on themselves, and yet, are confident on their goals and what they want to do. Eventually, though, they both improve on how they feel about themselves: with Akito learning to stop a bit and appreciate how far he has come — having become a source of inspiration for others because of how hard he was worked to reach where he is; and Touya accepting those regrets that hold him down, realizing that those are something he can't change and a part of himself — with his unique experiences giving him a special strength. In short, love is a very integral part of Akito and Touya, both in their own characters, and in their relationship. Despite their contrasting experiences, their individual love for music and for each other really shape them as people; their common feelings making their relationship very strong and inseparable — a relationship where they complete one another. Their deep and undying love for each other makes them, after all, the best partner they both could ask for.

6. Other noteworthy contrasts

Finally, we have a section about extra contrasts that didn't really fit into any other section:

To begin with, we can talk about Walk on and on, Touya's third focus event. In that event, Touya gives making his own music a try, and after learning how to create his own tracks through sampling, he shows his creation to the rest of Vivid BAD SQUAD; with this track, he wanted to convey his feelings of gratefulness to Akito and his teammates, for remaining by his side all this time, and for supporting him and allowing him to be himself. While he doesn’t think it’s that good, everyone else really likes it, with Akito praising his partner for his good work, and saying really wants to sing this song. Touya says he’s especially thankful to Akito; for finding him after he had left classical music, and telling him it’s okay to sing by his side.

☕ I realized how lucky I am to still be singing with my partner… I was able to make this song because I wanted to be at his side, as his partner, for years to come.

Thanks to Akito, he didn’t quit music, and is extremely grateful that he is able to keep singing next to his partner; he wants to continue being Akito’s partner forever; and that is why he was able to make this track.

☕ Akito, you’re the best partner I could ever ask for.

This event is really special as it shows how special the bond between Touya and Akito is, and just how inseparable they are. They're truly the best partner possible for each other.

Fun fact related to Utsuro wo Aogu (Walk on and on's commissioned song): in the Master chart, the Full Combo total note number is 1112; coincidentally, Akito and Touya's character IDs are 11 and 12, respectively. Furthermore, Akito's birthday is November 12, aka 11/12 (or, depending where you live, 12/11), so the song's total note count matches Akito and Touya's IDs, and also Akito's birthday. This is definitely very intentional, considering the plot of the event and the costumes (which I'll talk about next), so this song is pretty much like a song dedicated to Akito and Touya's bond, and also a song dedicated to Akito especifically. This is so sweet... (This is vaguely unrelated but adding this for adair. And because I really like this fact)

Now getting to the point: with Walk on and on came the From on a perch Gacha card set. The cards from this set have a lot of symbolism, and I do talk about them in various of my previous essays, especially when it comes to the freedom and captivity themes. But leaving aside the freedom and captivity themes, as I have a series of essay for those themes, their designs also hold quite a bit of symbolism.

The main design themes of the set are birdcages and crows, with the characters' outfits predominantly being black and white. Touya (and Kohane) wears mainly white, while Akito (and An) wears mainly (or only, in An's case) black, showing a mirror between the each partner pair's outfits. In addition, Kohane and An's cards feature white crows, while Touya's card features black crows (and Akito himself), dividing them into two pairs. A special detail about this card set's outfits, though, is something that can't be seen at first sight: they feature wings on their backs. More specifically, each of the Vivid BAD SQUAD members has one wing on their backs, although Akito and An's wings can only be seen vaguely in Touya's card and her own card, respectively; but considering the context, it can be assumed they both have a wing that matches and mirrors their own partner's, making a pair of wings when they're together — becoming one.

(Touya's outfit, Melody Walker. The first picture is the default look, while the second picture is his Master Rank 1 (MR1) variant.) Furthermore, if you look at Touya's costume MR1 variant, it features Akito's image color (orange) where the default outfit's blue is, and the black and white elements of the shirt itself are mirrored. Moreover, the wing on the back is the exact same color as the default outfit's, but mirrored. The other Master Rank variants don't match the wing's color or even form a pair with it, so this really suggests Touya and Akito are meant to match, showing how they contrast each other. (This is also the case with Kohane's outfit and her MR1 variant, and Kohane and An's colors and the wings, but theirs are white rather than gray.) Also, these designs may be based on the concept of Jian (鹣), also known as birds that fly wing to wing or lovebirds (比翼鳥), are mythical birds that possess only one eye and one wing. They are often used as a metaphor to refer to a beloved couple in Chinese culture and tradition. These creatures are born imperfect, and they need to lean against each other and act as one in order to be able to fly. Their mutual dependence is eternal, lasting through death and rebirth. They are believed to be symbols of the complementary relationship between yin and yang. To finish off, crows are also a curious choice because crows are animals that mate for life — and in the story, Touya said to Akito he wanted to stand shoulder to shoulder with Akito for the rest of his life, which is where the crows are landing on, in Touya's card — Akito and Touya's shoulders, where their wings would be. They're truly meant to be together forever... (credits to adair for telling me about the jian birds stuff. this is kinda crazy really)

Now for more minor contrasts, we have Find A Way Out's card set, Break the Chain Gacha. In this card set, the characters wear black rider/biker costumes, and then blue or red layers; Akito (and Kohane) wear red, while Touya (and An and Luka) wear blue under their biker jackets. This makes the partners contrast with each other, with Akito and Kohane wearing the warmer color, and similar to their image colors being warm colors (orange and pink); and Touya and An wearing a cool color, which is also their image colors (dark blue and teal, respectively). Although the main reason they're wearing these colors is for the heart theme in the event and song (made even more clear with the Kashika 2DMV and how the characters are arranged like an anatomical heart) — with the characters being the veins and arteries of the heart, and all together keeping the heart that is Vivid BAD SQUAD beating, — I believe the color contrasts between the partners is completely intentional.

As a fun fact, Find A Way Out released on December 11, 2022; that is, 12/11 (or 11/12, depending where you live). As mentioned earlier, Akito and Touya's character IDs are 11 and 12, respectively, and they're both (along with Luka) the 4✰ cards in the card set. This one may be a coincidence, but it was pretty funny to notice this. Also, again, Akito's birthday is November 12, aka 11/12 (or 12/11), so it's like his birthday date but reversed. It's pretty curious that Akito's birthday is Akito and Touya's character IDs put together, isn't it? This one has to have been 100% on purpose, really.

For a final cards contrast: recently the third anniversary event happened, and Touya got a new limited 4✰ card with it. What's interesting about this card is that it contrasts Akito's previous anniversary 4✰ card in various ways, such as how the cards are black and white, which are opposite colors; furthermore, the second anniversary's card set is after black lilies, while Touya's card especifically is themed after white lillies; this feels like an intentional choice because the cards in the fourth anniversary card set all have different flowers, yet they chose to do lillies again for Touya's card. Something noteworthy to mention is how, in his card, Touya's bringing a lily to his mouth; while Akito, in his card, has a white petal in his mouth. What truly stands out about Touya's flower is that, in his card, there's many lilies, but three of them have colored stamens: teal, pink, and orange, which is safe to say represent Vivid BAD SQUAD's members. The teal and pink ones are on the sides of the cards, while the orange-colored stamens flower... is the one on his mouth. I feel like I don't have to say much more about this, really. It's definitely a very intentional choice. So wonderful.

Another fun contrast to talk about is Akito and Touya's moe aspects — that is, cute stuff in their otherwise not-cute characters. For example, despite Akito always trying to look so tough and cool, he likes pancakes and cheesecakes, sweet food that you wouldn't expect from such a guy. Furthermore, he's scared of dogs and not many people really know about this (pretty much just his family and Touya); and he also blushes pretty easily at Touya or when it involves him, such as getting teased for something Touya said, or when getting praised by him. Then we have Touya, who looks so cool,mysterious, and aloof, yet in reality he smiles easily at Akito (nowadays), and is actually a very curious and clumsy boy, who likes playing crane games and giving plushies to his close ones and trying out new things even though he may be terrible at them, like being confident to play a ball throw game then failing spectacularly or climbing a tree despite being afraid of heights and having to be helped down by his partner. Despite both looking or acting so tough and cool, they have stuff about them that are unexpected or even cute about them, which contrasts their own personalities and often leads to fun situations and scenes.

7. Conclusion

In short, Akito and Touya mirror each other in so many ways; they're extremely contrastful. They're genuinely pretty much made for each other, meant to be with one another: their different backgrounds and personalities make them fit each other perfectly, because they have what the other lacks, making up for the other's flaws; and, with that, they can push each other forward, and support each other fully, being fully in sync — and become one in the process. They allow each other to grow, drawing the best out of each other, and their contrasts is what makes them the perfect partner for the other. They're, in the end, the best partner both of them could ask for.

🥞 (Reaching the top through clashing with your partner, isn't your privilege alone!) ☕️ (We both looked to each other—we looked at what we didn't have, and ran upward.) ☕️ (So that we can keep being partners who deserve one another!)

8. Afterword

And that's all for the essay! This one took a little while, but I finally finished it... I tried to be more confident in my writing, and also summarize stories less (I summarized stuff a lot in my past essays), and I think it turned out overall solid (although I believe it still has some flaws). This essay was sort of a group effort thing, where my friends helped me throughout by contributing to it and checking over my progress, so I'm very grateful for everyone's help! Thank you so much!! There isn't much more to say now. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the essay! I put a lot of effort into it, and I'm quite proud of it. I will try to write something for Akito's birthday next month... exciting stuff. See ya!

[fluffypandabun]

HELLO PANDA!! I'm not kidding at all when I say your rottmnt fics have infected my brain in the best way possible,

I literally think your rottmnt tkl fics might be the best ones I've ever read out of all the ones on here I'm SO serious, I ADORE your ones with leo and casey!!

SO. I saw requests were SEMI open, so if you'd like to, I'd love to see another fic with lee or switch casey, and ler leo!!:3 I just LOVE the way you write their dynamic!! The story is all up to you, but I'd love more fics to rot the rest of my brainz/pos 💥

AN: Hiiiiiiii JAMIE!!!!! Thank you sm for your kind words they mean so much and are actually what motivated me to come back when i received this ask during my hiatus! This fic took forever im sorry but I hope you enjoy it!!

Bad Spot

When Casey was younger one of his favorite things was an old tattered copy of a book, half its pages were falling out and parts of it were so water damaged you couldn’t make out the words, but regardless Casey loved it anyways. Always begging one of his uncles or aunt to read it to him, filling in the blanks the missing pages left with his own imagination. 

He’d lost the book when part of their base caught fire, his precious book burnt to a crisp in the flames. Casey had cried for days, selfish of him maybe as others had loss far more in that fire, but he had been a young child with very few things to call his own living in a world that took far more then it gave, he was allowed to be a little selfish. 

Overtime he’d forgotten about the book, things of more importance taking the top spot in his mind, however just a few days ago during one of his surface trips with the turtles, a familiar red book cover caught his eye. 

It was a far cry from his beat up and damaged copy, its cover and pages pristine and untouched like many of the things in the past seemed to be, but as he ran his fingers over the covers it felt as familiar as his own. 

He had bounded up to Raph, the eldest trying to coax Mikey down from the top of a fountain, eyes a glow as he talked faster then the turtle could keep up, eventually getting what the human meant as he glanced down to the book in his hand, a fond bemusement in his eyes as he spoke;

“Oh you want that book? Sure thing little man…But wouldn’t you rather have the first book of the series instead of the third?” 

And with his mouth agape, Casey looked up at the larger turtle like he’d just told him that he’d won the lottery. 

“There's more then ONE!?” 

So that's where Casey found himself now, already through with the first book of the series and nearly half-way through the second. Sitting cross-legged on the couch with the book spread open on his lap, the lair was quiet aside from the muffled sound of metal on metal coming from Donnie's lab and Raphs rumbling snores from where he napped across the lair in his bedroom. 

Casey was thankful for the quiet, don’t get him wrong he enjoyed how lived in the lair could sound at times, but as much as he loved the turtles noisiness sometimes it could be a bit much for someone who grew in a dead silent world where making the wrong sound at the wrong time could lead to your whole squad getting killed. 

So the teen chose to enjoy the silence while it lasted, which of course meant it didn’t last for much longer. 

“Woooow Case, already finished with the first book? And i thought the lair was only big enough for ONE nerd.” 

Casey let out a long sigh, silence now thoroughly shattered he lowered his book back down to his lap and looked over to his right. 

Leo was there, leant against the doorway of the living room part of the lair; eyes half lidded and a lazy grin that spelled mischief splayed across his muzzle. 

“Hello Leo”. 

The turtles grin only got wider at Caseys already “done with your shit” tone. Pushing himself off the couch he casually sauntered over as if he owned the place, which technically, he partially did. 

“So,” he began, making his way over to stand at the back of the couch, arms resting far apart on it as he leant forward towards Caseys personal space.

“Hows the reading going?” 

Casey rolled his eyes, giving Leos face a playful push away “Did you have to pick me to mess with today Leo? Im trying to read.” 

The turtle let out of a scoff, leaning back into Caseys space. “Whaaaaat? Me? Mess with you? Psh!”

The turtle let out a dramatic noise of offense, putting a hand over his chest. The dramatics drew a slight giggle out of Casey, which only seemed the fuel the turtle more.

“IIIIII came out here to spend some time with one of my favorite humans, the other being April of course, but if I’m not wanted then I shall go. Good day sir!” 

The turtle turned on his heel to leave when Casey felt a tug in his chest. 

“Wait!” 

Leo paused immediately, turning and facing Casey with a bemused expression at his tone of voice, Casey felt his ears go red at his own overreaction and he cleared his throat. 

“Uh well, you can stay you don’t have to leave. I wouldn't mind the company” 

Leo stared at him for a bit before his gaze softened to show he was being serious. “Well of course, who wouldn’t want my company?l”

The turtle sauntered back over and resumed his position leant over the back of the couch so he could read over Caseys shoulder. The human gave him a smile before he turned and went back to his reading. 

For a good moment it was quiet, a peaceful sort of silence between the two of them, Casey thought it was nice. After a moment longer he even began to relax, eyes half lidded and more so lazily skimming the pages then reading in depth like he'd been doing before.

He was close to drifting off when suddenly he felt a gentle breath of air hit the back of his neck, sending a ticklish shock all the way down his spine causing him to hunch his shoulders and squeak.

With a glare he whipped around to look at the accomplice, but Leo just gave him a lazy half grin, head resting on his arms.

"Sorry Case, my bad" He hummed, not sounding sorry at all.

The teen started at him for a second later before he shook his head with a huff, cheeks flushed, and turned back to reading. He figured he'd give the turtle the benefit of the doubt in that it had been just an accident.

This of course was a stupid idea, for not even two seconds later he felt another breath of air on his neck, this time it cause him to giggle lightly.

"Leheo!" He hissed, whipping around to face the laughing turtle.

"Whahaht? Im not even touching you!"

"You know what your doing! Now quit it!"

"Quit what? Quit doing this?" quick as a flash the turtle leaned forward to bury his face in the side of Casey's neck, blowing a quick raspberry and causing Casey to Shriek.

"LEHEO!"

Pulling away the turtle bust into laughter, shaking his head "God Cass you are so funny."

Face now fully red the human scowled, shoulders now hiked all the way up to his ears. "Why do you guys always have to do that" he whined.

Leo just grinned at him, wiggling his fingers "That's what happens when everybody knows your bad spot~" he crooned, cackling when Casey's face went even redder

It was no secret to the rest of the Hamato clan that Casey's neck and ears were deathly ticklish, by far his worst spot; something everyone (especially Leo) loved to tease him about.

It had been just the same back in the future, with his sensei and uncles and aunt all teasing him with raspberries and scribbles under the chin. Leonardo had been the worst about it back then too, so much so that Master Michelangelo had taught him how to get the turtle back and-

Wait......

Casey couldn't stop the wide grin that spread across his lips, because he had just remembered something very important about Leonardo, and in this case, Leo as well.

Said turtle noticed his change of expression and wiped the mirth from his eyes, cocking his head to the side "Whats got you smiling like that?"

Caseys grin simply widened. "Oh nothing, just remembered something is all."

Leo gave him a weird look. "Remembered what?"

"Oh just.....this!"

With that Casey lunged forward, grabbing onto Leos shoulders and flipping him straight over the couch and into his lap, the two of them wrestled for a moment, laughing, but while Leo had strength Casey had surprise and very key knowledge he had just remembered. So he wasted no time in lunging forward and digging his fingers into the backs of Leos legs.

Immediately the turtle let out a screamed that descended into wild laughter, practically flopping over and thrashing back and forth as he kicked out his leg.

"NYAHAHAHAH! CASEHEHEY!"

Said teenage human let out a giggle, trapping Leos leg under his knees so he could better poke and prod at the turtles muscled thighs.

"Hehe Yeah Leo?"

Leo practically squealed, drawing more peels of laughter from Casey. His arms flailed about as if unsure of what to do with themselves, Casey having to dodge a few swaps at himself.

"C-CasEY I-Iihihihihim goohohohona g-get you for thihhIHIHIHIIS-"

The turtles threat was caught off when Casey began to scribble his fingers into the hollows of the back of his knees, head thrown back and mouth opened in a wide genuine smile Leo howled with laughter.

His body shook with the force of it, his shoulders jumping as he hiccuped and at one point even snorted, which caused Casey to laugh himself at the silly noise.

"Man Leo, must suck having someone know about your weak spot huh~" Casey teased, squeezing gently at the turtles kneecaps.

"C-Cass Pleashehehese!" Leo hiccuped in between his squeaks and squeals of laughter, giggling to himself the teen finally decided to show mercy.

"Okay Okay Ill stop." He chuckled, pulling his hands away and sliding off the couch. He sat on his knees and watched the turtle flop over onto his back on the couch, arm thrown over his face like a fainted Victorian women as he groaned.

He sluggishly turned his head to face Casey and, with weak movements like he was dying, flipped him off.

It caught the human so off guard that he burst into laughter, prompting Leo to glare at him with a smirk barely tugging at his lips.

"Y-You think that's funny? Oh ill show you funny-Come here!"

Before Casey could even begin an apology Leo had lunged forward and grabbed him, immediately burying his face into Casey's neck and blowing a massive raspberry.

Casey screeched before he burst into loud happy laughter, hair getting even messier by the second as he shook his head back and forth to try and get away from the ticklish feeling.

"NOHOHOHO LEHEHEO!"

The turtle said nothing, simply lowering his hands down to Casey's sides and rapidly squeezing up and down.

Ah, so Leo was trying to kill him.

"L-LeheheOHOHOHO! Im Im sorheheheheHEHEHEEEEEE!"

"Tell it to the judge Mister!" Leo grinned, pulling away to blow a quick playful raspberry against Caseys' cheek.

"LEHEHEHEHO!"

"Sorry, I cant hear you over how loud your laughing~"

Casey ended up not get much reading done, his book laying abandoned on the floor, but that was okay. He have plenty of time to read in the future.

Plenty of time.

[mikuni14]

The Sign - Ep 5

As usual, I'll start with the police part of the story, the least important. All the time I was thinking about only one thing: if only you were so motivated, if only you devoted as much time, resources and effort to catching a fucking r*pist as you put into catching a grief-stricken, sick man. If only the inspector team leader shook the victim's hand and promised them everything like he promises a fucking criminal. Copaganda just doesn't work anymore, sorry guys, but acab 🤷‍♀️

I was kind of puzzled by Phaya's behavior at the beginning of the episode, I think he should have believed Tharn, his behavior is a bit ooc. I.. think? I assume that the still angry Phaya is just done so that the plot can later give a scene of him coming to his senses after almost losing Tharn (*and insert romantic scene here*). What I liked was how in character Tharn was, and he acted exactly as he should. And the look on Phaya's face when he unintentionally hit Tharn.

Phaya and Dr. Douchelaton scene was simply awesome, starting with the two of them momentarily slipping into the world of supernatural ��. Everything was cool here, Phaya's claw-like fingers, the way Doc could barely control his rage (that clenching jaw), their fight for dominance, for Tharn. Omg! Personally I like jealousy done well and Phaya fighting for Tharn and winning was a *chef's kiss*. And wow, Heng perfectly shows what a psycho Dr. Chophisdickoff is, his behavior, his expressions 👌

I love that when it comes to sexual fantasies, Tharn is slightly brothel-ish and Phaya has soft fantasies decorated with dancing luminous lights ✨

The shock on the face of the naga-possessed vigilante when the knife pierced Tharn, instead of that pesky bird, was so cool. Also telling. Tharn shielding Phaya and fighting the enemy with his superpowers was my fav 👌👌

Phaya and Tharn's reconciliation scene… oh gosh, what can I say except that when Phaya is angry, he is angry, but when he is not angry, he literally makes the most romatic, raw marriage vows. Or something. The way they touch each other tenderly, how they get lost in each other's eyes 🥺

The bed scene had me chewing on the walls, crawling on the ceiling and understanding quantum physics for a second. Ok, but this is what I call chemistry between characters (actors). It was Tharn trying to mold his body around Phaya's, wrapping around him, leaving not an inch of space between them. The way Phaya gently lifts Tharn's head to cradle him in his arms, to hug him closer, to make sure that there is absolutely NO space between them, that he finally has the opportunity to have Tharn in his arms. IT'S HOW NATURAL THEY LOOK TOGETHER, HOW PERFECTLY THEY FIT TOGETHER LIKE PUZZLE PIECES. The way Phaya took care of Tharn and looked at him with tenderness, the way he stopped Tharn's hand from going any further. Phaya is such a good guy. The way Phaya looks like he's experiencing nirvana when he finally has Tharn in his arms, cuddled up to him. (as a person of refined manners and uninterested in worldly pleasures, I will NOT write anything about the effect that Tharn's shaved legs certainly do NOT have on me. I will also politely ignore how Phaya's attention immediately shifted to those legs in this 👇 scene)

gif by @mymycorrhizae

I also want to say that I keep thinking about how caring, how forgiving Tharn is. How I think of his sweet, sweet face, especially upturned as he looks at Phaya with devotion and love. Tharn has my whole heart. I love how Tharn "don't come near me, you handsome cow" freaks out every time there's even a hint of the possibility of losing Phaya, like when Sand offers Phaya a date with her friend, or when Phaya gets mad at him and don't want to talk to him 😭 So I'm really looking forward to the next episode and long-haired, sweet Tharn/Wansarat caring for the wounded enemy Phaya/Garuda.

[odetodilfs]

A warm May evening

A/N: Two fics in 24 hours wow! I'm inspired honestly, don't expect such consistency from me lmfao, anyway have this cute ass little fic I made. I just had this idea with Frankie and it was so beautiful, like.. you two having a kid? Perfection.

This takes place like 5 years after the movie btw

Pairing: father!reader x father!Frankie Morales OFCs: Yours and Frankie's daughter, Carmen :)

CWs: Kissing but in a non sexual way, you two have an adopted kid, reader obviously has masc pronouns as it says in the pairing, established relationship (marriage), also just a little Spanish at the end cause my hispanic ass can't write something without spanish when it's a hispanic character I'm writing.

REBLOG MY WORK IF YOU LIKE IT, DON'T JUST HEART IT!! IT HELPS ME REACH MORE PEOPLE AND GIVES ME MOTIVATION TO WRITE MORE!! RESPECT YOUR WRITERS!!

“Frankie, come on, we’re waiting!” you shouted upstairs, wondering whatever the fuck was taking your husband so goddamn long to come down. It was a beautiful mid May afternoon, a golden light outside bathed the street and hinted at dawn. Carmen was waiting too, she was your adopted daughter that you and Frankie loved to pieces. She was a lively girl from Mexico whose parents couldn’t make it. It was just giving a child who had lost hope at having parental love being adopted and given a second chance at a family, it made everything even more endearing. You had adopted her when she was 1, now she was 5 and she obviously had to socialize and make friends, and the park was the perfect place to do so.

“Okay okay I’m coming” he said as he hurried down the stairs, looking at you when he stopped, “We ready?” he asked, “Yup” you replied and Frankie walked over to you and gave you a peck on the lips, I’m so sorry for taking so long…” you smiled at the gesture, Carmen just made that disgusted face that children make when they see their parents kiss. You walked out onto the street, Carmen ahead of you, wanting to get to the park already as you and Frankie took in the late spring beauty, flowers on the sidewalk with beautiful flowering trees, sometimes you wondered what you had done that life had been kind to you in the past years, after Frankie failed his mission in Colombia it seems like life had some mercy on you two.

You held Frankie’s hand and looked at him, despite you having been married for years, you still found him the most beautiful man in the world, his eyes, his nose, his stubble, you were in love with this man. You stared back and smiled at each other as he squeezed your hand tighter. You arrived at the park and sat on a bench close to the playground, “Okay Carmen, you can go now, have fun” Frankie smiled at her, “Bye dad!” she said as she went off to play. “You’re an amazing dad” Frankie smiled, complimenting you, “You too” was all you could say, “And a great husband…” he said as he smiled and laid his head on your shoulder, you smiled and kissed the tip of his nose, it was your own little gesture between the two of you. Frankie’s happiness was over the roof, you knew how much of a family man he was and an evening at the park with his husband and his daughter was amazing, even if it seemed something so mundane.. he liked that, he liked everyday things, he liked little moments. You kept an eye on Carmen so that she wouldn’t get into trouble. She was playing in the sandbox with some other kids, making castles and with some cars some other children had brought, your hands were still intertwined with Frankie’s. You sat in a comfortable silence. Carmen played tag with the kids when they got tired of the sandbox as you and Frankie talked about many things, money, reminded each other that you loved the other, and gave each other little kisses. When the sun started to go down and some kids started to leave, you and Frankie stood up to go home. “Carmen, time to go home!” you shouted, she pulled an angry face as she said goodbye to her new friends as she ran over to you two, “Did you have a good time?” Frankie asked her, “Yes! I made friends!” she replied happily, you smiled at your husband, you were proud of your daughter.

The trip home was filled with conversations and laughter in the dim evening light, it was all so beautiful and so perfect. As you arrived at the front door of your house, you warmed up a bath for Carmen and decided to split tasks with Frankie, “I’ll bathe Carmen, you make dinner?” he asked you, 

“Yeah” you smiled and turned around,

“Querido” he stopped you, your heart fluttered at the name as your husband roped you in for a kiss in the lips, kind of long but not suggestively, “This was one of the best evenings in my life” he smiled at you, “Mine too, te quiero, hermoso…” “Yo más” he said as he kissed your neck, “Okay okay, we can do this later, let’s take care of Carmen first” you said with a chuckle, Frankie smiled and laughed as he went into the bathroom and you went to the kitchen.

[lildrabbles]

Chapter 7: Family Meeting

2007! Raphael x Female! Reader

Summary: Despite Raph's protests, hes made to bring you back to the lair to meet his family.

A/N: HELLO EVERYONE IM SO SORRY I HAVNT BEEN UPDATING, since school started i just kinda lost motivation to write BUT IVE CAME BACK. I cant say for sure how long youll have to wait in the future, cuz i have a problem with writers block. Also, this is a lot longer than most of my chapters, so enjoy!! But let me know if you like the longer chapters or shorter ones <3

Raph didn't want his brothers to meet her. They would embarrass the hell outta him! 'What do I care...' he told himself, but deep down inside he couldn't stop the dread. He stared at the stove while he ate his Corn Pops aggressively.

"Dude, what did those Corn Pops do to you?" Mikey said, laughing as he poked raphs side.

Raph quickly grabbed his finger and twisted it, causing Mikey to yelp and beg for mercy. Raph scoffed and let go, going back to eating his Corn Pops. When he was finished he stood up, making his way over to the sink to wash his bowl and spoon.

"So are you going to call her?" Donnie asked as he grabbed a poptart from the cabinet.

"I'm gonna text her to meet me." Raph said, not looking at him as he dried the bowl.

Donnie chuckled. "If only Leo were here to meet your girlfriend."

Raph was about to threaten him, but the mention of his eldest brother stopped him. He glared down at the spoon he held, not saying anything.

"Uh... sorry about bringing that up." Donnie cringed in on himself.

Raph scoffed. "Dont be. It's not like he's comin back anytime soon." He said dryly.

Donnie sighed. After a couple moments, Mikey piped up. "Dude, suddenly it got like, really tense in here."

Raph rolled his eyes as he turned around and leaned against the counter. "Blame Donnie."

"I apologised!" Don protested.

Raph sighed before placing the bowl back up in the cabinet. “I’m goin to the dojo to work out.” Before turning around and walking away, not waiting for any reply.

He was finishing beating the crap out of his punching bag before he felt light headed. He exhaled and collapsed onto the bench, grimacing at the sharp pain in his wound. When Donnie mentioned Leo it got his blood to boil. God, even thinking about him made him pissed. Who was Leo to think he could just leave his family, his own flesh and blood, just because he “didn’t feel good enough”? 

Didn’t he fcking know that he was the best fighter out of them all?! He was truly selfish. And before he left, Raph may have started an argument, which yes he shouldn't have done, but then Leo started going on about how Raph was selfish and that only his own opinion mattered! Can you believe the audacity of that turtle?!

He grunted as he took a swig from his water bottle, grabbing the cloth beside him to wipe all of the sweat off his forehead. Raph glanced down at his phone, looking at the time. It was currently 4 pm. He wanted to wait a bit longer until it got dark to meet up with her, but decided to text her sooner so she had some notice. 

He texted her to meet him in an alleyway where he knew wasn't far from her apartment and had a sewer entrance so they could easily get in and out without getting noticed. He also made sure to mention to come alone.

When she didn't respond right away, Raph decided to do some sit ups. After a couple of those, he heard his phone vibrate on the bench. He sat up and grabbed it, and read Y/N's message.

Y/N: ok what time? My shifts already over so I'm not worried

He chuckled at how she didn't even question it. Silly girl.

Raph: How about in half an hour?

Y/N: Sounds good to me! See you then

Raph sighs, then stands up, stretching and drinking the last of his water. Time to go make sure she gets there safely.

----------------------------------------------------------

You didn't have to wait that long in the alleyway for him. You stood and looked around, double checking this was the right alleyway. Yep, it was.

Since it was a bit chilly, every time you let out a breath a little cloud formed.

Before you could even call out, you heard a soft thump behind you. You jumped slightly, spinning around. A small smile erupted on your face as you saw Raph emerge from the shadows.

"Hey, Raph." You look back towards the sidewalk to make sure no one would see you both.

"Hey." He smiled. "Okay, so uh… you probably wanna know why I brought you here right?"

"Right." You agreed.

"My family wants to meet you. Sensei mostly wants to meet you because he wants to know if he can trust you with our secret."

"O-oh!" Your eyes widen slightly. "So I get to meet your family?"

"Yeah. But…"

You frowned slightly. "What is it?"

You then gasped when Raph leaned towards you and in a flash, your vision was dark. You felt him tying a piece of fabric around your eyes. 

"Raph, don't you think you're taking this too fast? I'm not into this kinda thing." Despite the shock of him doing this, you couldn't help making a cheeky joke while you giggled.

Even though you couldn't see him, his eyes widened as a blush erupted from his face. He frowned. "I-its not fcking like that!!" You could hear in his that he was flustered, causing you to giggle more.

You felt strong arms pick you up, but you weren't that alarmed because you recognised they were Raph's. You heard him grumbling to himself.

 You clinged onto his neck despite his firm grip on you.

"I'm only doin this cuz we can't risk you knowin our location yet." Raph blushed and grimaced slightly as your arms wrapped around his neck.

"Oh… well I guess I can understand that."

You suddenly felt the wind rush around you both and you let out a little squeal, feeling a little nauseous. You heard Raph's feet thump on the ground softly, meaning he had jumped down somewhere.

The more he walked, a disgusting smell assaulted your nose. You scrunched up your nose. "Are we in the sewers?"

"Yeah." Raph laughed watching your reaction.

You nod slightly, nose still scrunched up. After a couple more moments of walking, you felt him stop and he placed you on your feet.

You heard some shuffling and then a crash, followed by an "oof!". 

"Am I allowed to take this off now..?" You asked, directed towards Raphael.

 He grunted in response which you took as a yes, so you slipped it off, only to be met with another turtle with an orange bandana in your face. You jumped a little, bumping backwards nto Raph.

"Mikey, what did I tell ya before I left?!" He scolded the orange banded turtle.

The turtle named Mikey threw his hands up. "Sorry bro! I just wanted to get a good look." He offered his hand to you. "I'm Mikey!"

You smiled sheepishly, shaking his hand. "I'm y/n."

Another turtle with a purple bandana appeared. He did the same thing as Mikey and offered his hand to you. "It's nice to meet you y/n, i'm Donatello but just call me Donnie or Don." He smiled.

You smiled back and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you as well."

You awkwardly stood there while you heard Raph huff behind you, crossing his arms beside you. Then, you saw a rat, just a bit shorter than the turtles. You assumed this is the Sensei Raph had talked about.

You bowed your head slightly to him. "And you must be Sensei Splinter." You smiled a little up at him. He smiled back and stood in front of you, taking your hand in his and held it for a moment.

"And you must be y/n. Thank you for helping my idiot son." He shot a quick glare towards Raph.

"Of course. I wouldn't call him an idiot though, after all he was just trying to protect--"

Raph suddenly cleared his voice loudly. "Okay, you met her, now what?"

"Dude we should all watch a movie together!!" Mikey exclaimed.

Before Raph could protest, everyone else agreed. But you were hesitant. "I would love to but I don't want to become a problem for you guys."

Raph stared down at you. "The hell do you-" he couldn't finish before getting smacked in the head by Splinter. He winced before re-phrasing. "What do you think you'll be a problem for?" He said gruffly.

You shrugged a little. "I-i don't know, I just don't want to invade your guys' personal life."

Donnie spoke up. "Don't worry about that, we would love to have you. We haven't had company like this in… well, we've never met new people really. Except for April and Casey, but we've known them forever"

You nodded, remembering Raph telling you about them. Then you smiled. "Ok, then. I'll stay."

Mikey cheered and ran towards the kitchen to gather snacks. 

After a bit of setting up the movie (that apparently Donnie pirated) and setting up all the snacks, you settled down onto the couch beside Raph. You smiled up at him softly, making his heart clench. But he didn't show it, just smirking a little and huffing, taking a handful of popcorn from the bowl in your lap.

You chuckled, offering everyone popcorn before the movie began. Then Donnie turned on the movie, and you let out a deep exhale, sinking into the old, tattered couch.

After about halfway through the movie, while everyone else was asleep, Splinter left to go meditate in his room. So it was only you and Raph awake now.

"Your family seems really nice," you whispered to him.

He scoffed quietly. "Yeah but my brother's can get hella annoying."

You giggle a little and lean in closer. "I'm sure you'll seem annoying after a while of knowing you too."

Raph playfully glared down at you. "Oh yeah? Ditto. Except you're already gettin on my nerves." He joked.

You held your chest where your heart is dramatically. "Ouch. My heart."

You both laugh quietly. You looked down, then shuffled closer to him so your thighs were touching, and wrapped your arms around yourself, getting a little chilly.

He tensed a little, trying to even his breathing. He noticed your eyes starting to droop. "You know you can fall asleep, right?" He said softly. What has gotten into him lately?

"Are you sure?" You looked up towards him. He nodded, then grabbed a blanket from behind the couch, throwing it on you. You giggled a little and got snuggled up in the blanket. You then gently rested your head on his shoulder before whispering, "Is this okay..?"

"Y-yeah…" He whispered back. You smiled and got comfy against him, before closing your eyes to go to sleep.

After a couple moments, he relaxed. He let out a soft exhale. The way you cuddled into his side made his heart skip a beat. Shut the hell up, Raph. She's just cold. And you can't be goin soft for anyone!! He scolded himself. But despite his protests in his head, he let himself fall asleep, managing to fall into a slumber way easier than he's ever had.

[usmsgutterson]

A Start- N.L x fem! reader

all right! This one was requested by @naushtheaspiringauthor! Naush, if you're reading this I am so sorry that this request took so long to write! I've been struggling with motivation as far as writing requests is concerned lately and today I had a bit of coffee to help me get started! I hope you like it and if you don't, feel free to reach out and I'll make the necessary changes.

The type of Grisha that was wanted for this fic was never specified so I went ahead and had her be a tidemaker, which I hope is all right!

Fic type-this is a bit of both angst and fluff

warnings- a lot of mentions of the war, a mention of throwing someone overboard, and this is not my best work as far as editing is concerned--I kind of rushed it a bit because I am running on motivative fumes right now and didn't want to lose motivation part of the way through the editing process.

You were standing at the bow of the Volkvolny, Alina Starkov not three feet to your left. She had her gaze to the sea just as you did, unblinking and unphased but relentless in her hatred for the Darkling, just as everyone else silently was on the boat.

You were one of the Tidemakers on Sturmhonds crew, having been brought on by Tamar and only on your second day aboard the Volkvolny. You hadn't officially met Sturmhond yet but you didn't doubt that you would in due time, if the hostage situation that the Darkling had brought onto the boat was to be of any indication.

Your gaze was on the sea as the Darkling approached and hauled Alina away, lost in your own thoughts of life when you got to land again--comfortable bed, decent food, everything you needed to be content in that moment.

You headed away from the bow of the ship, thanking Tamar as she passed you one of the rum rations she'd just won in a game of cards, trying not to listen in on the conversation between Alina, Sturmhond, and the Darkling that was happening barely three feet away from you. You nearly let your curiosity get the best of you but with a sip of your rum you found yourself tired and ready to do anything but eavesdrop.

You let Tamar drag you off to a game of rummy, laughing a bit as she led you away and your rum sloshed around a bit in the mug, ready to get drunker than words could describe and barely remember it all through the haze generated by your headache the following morning.

-

The weeks passed, and you found yourself assigned to Mals care. You didn't fight it because, while you were on Sturmhonds crew, you were stuck taking orders from the Darkling while Mal hunted for the Sea Whip and Alinas second amplifier. With the second amplifier, Alina would get stronger, and eventually she'd be able to kill him.

You planned to watch the Darkling meet the end he deserved, for all that he'd done to your country and for all that he'd done to the people you held closest, and if getting a step closer to witnessing his death meant looking after one of the people he took prisoner, so be it.

Mal noticed that you, for someone who he thought must've been on the Darklings staff, were much kinder than those he'd dealt with in the previous few days, and as you purposefully lead him past Alina so that their hands might graze for a moment, a fleeting look might have been exchanged, all you could do was shrug.

"He trusts me because I'm willing to wear a bit of black and because the bastard thinks of Sturmhonds crew as his bloody own," you said. "Enjoy your fresh air while it lasts, lover boy. I'll try to persuade Alinas guards into letting the two of you have a chat after dinner."

"Why are you being so kind to us?" Mal asked, ignoring the whip of the wind as it drove past the two of you. "You seem quite stoic."

"You're using stoic in the place of rude and I don't appreciate that--I am stoic but rude is not something that I am or ever will be," you said. "I am being kind to you because you've gone without it for too long. You go without kindness for more than a few weeks and you'll turn out exactly as I have--reluctant to let people in, keeping everyone at arms length. Nothing will happen to you if you go down that route, and if anything does happen to you, it will be as rare as a dandelion in winter."

"And I think it's because of Sturmhond," Mal said. "You've clearly started to fancy the bloke and maybe you think that getting in our good favor will get you in his?"

"I am a twenty-one year old woman," you said. "I do not need to ferry the favor of a couple of seventeen year olds, regardless of the fact that one of them is a saint, to gain the favor of my own bloody boss, Mr. Oretsev, but thank you for that. I totally appreciate your assumptions."

"It's not an assumption," Mal said. "It's an observation. I noticed the way that you watched him when he was with Alina the other day--you don't think you're the type he'll fall for, do you? That's why, even despite the fact that every time he grins at you flirtatiously you grin back like a sheep caught between the crossfire of two gun wielding idiots, you haven't made a move? You haven't offered him the rum ration you win from a game of rummy?"

"Another word of Sturmhond and I will throw the both of us overboard, Mr. Oretsev. Am I understood?"

"You are indeed," Mal said. "I would even say that I understand your words as well as I understand your lovesickness whenever you look at him--Alinas taken to calling him the clever fox because of his hair. You're falling for a ginger. You have a good time with that."

You scoffed, having no intention to make good on your threats to him.

It was true that you'd fallen for the handsome privateer and it was also true that, in direct relation to his treatment of Alina, you never thought he would fall for one of your sort. A privateer and a Grisha wouldn't work and you had no idea why, in the weeks since you were first brought onto the team by Tamar, you'd thought it probably could've.

They were your delusions, though, and because they were your delusions you would learn to live with them just as everyone else learned to live with their own.

--

Time passed. The civil war was ended in a burst of sun and star and the death of a saint. Nikolai returned to his palaces and found that they felt too empty for his liking.

He couldn't place why, nor what could've been done to fix it, until one day Tamar came into the guards break room smiling, a letter in hand.

"Got a pen pal, do you?" Nikolai asked. At that, Tamar scrunched her nose in his direction and gestured to the plate of biscuits on the center of the table at which they sat. Genya pushed back a curtain to let a bit of light into the room, and begrudgingly, Nikolai grabbed a biscuit.

"Tame your demons today," Tamar said. "We have a trip to make to Ketterdam and I have secured us a place to stay that's not the embassy but will indeed provide more than enough protection in it's place while renovations continue after the oil leak. Nikolai, you remember Y/N, don't you?"

The girl he'd fallen for during the civil war? How could he ever have forgotten.

He'd loved you in silence, in glances to you while you stood and chatted with Zoya and Genya, while you laughed with Tamar and stole pieces of bacon from Tolya in exchange for your rum rations while travelling. The way he'd felt about you had snuck up on him in the days of the civil war, and despite all of his trying, it hadn't gone away since.

"How can he forget her?" Zoya asked. "The amount of loving looks he thinks nobody saw him give her during the war is astounding. Why bring her up?"

"Well, as mentioned, there was an oil leak at the Ravkan Embassy. We needed a place to stay in Ketterdam while we're there on business so I figured I'd reach out to a rumored member of the Council of Tides and see what she could do."

"And what all has she done?" Nikolai asked.

"She lives in a mansion in the merchants district. Six bedrooms and a nice kitchen, good food for the duration of our stay. I asked if she wouldn't mind our company and she said to come whenever."

Zoya smirked and Genya clasped her hands together, a grin adorning her face almost instantly. Nikolais gaze drifted to David, who was watching his wife with a smile of his own.

"I've missed her," Genya said. "I know we'll be there on business but it'll be nice to see an old friend."

Zoya glanced at Nikolai. "Or perhaps reignite an old flame," she said as Tamar wiggled her eyebrows, a giggle befalling her lips as she did.

"A flame that was never ignited in the first place?" Nikolai asked. "Write back to Y/N thanking her for her ability to accommodate us. I will see to it that she is fairly compensated for allowing us to lodge with her if she finds taking time off of work a necessity."

Tamar nodded. "I already wrote a note and sent it along," she said. "Eat breakfast, Nikolai. Your stuff is packed and waiting on the ship. We leave today."

"Ring for tea, will you?" David asked. Nikolai laughed a bit but did Davids bidding, trying to mentally get himself ready to visit the woman he loved but had not seen in too much time to count.

--

Two weeks came to pass, and Nikolai had found himself approaching your garden, mug of tea in hand, as he couldn't sleep.

The demon took him over when he slept and most nights, while the demon had indeed taken a step back that trip, he didn't like the idea of closing his eyes and letting himself drift off. When Nikolais conscious faded, the demons conscious set in, and he didn't want to know what kind of damage the demon could do to you or the kind of damage you could do to it in the name of self defense.

He flinched when he saw you--you'd hardly interacted in the two days since he, the triumvirate, Tamar and Tolya had come. He was hoping you wouldn't notice him because who, exactly, wants to have their first conversation in several years at three in the morning?

"I heard you making your tea," you said. "Come on out. I've been meaning to talk to you since you first showed up, but I couldn't really find the words to do it."

Nikolai stepped out into the garden, came to sit next to you on a bench made of fabrikator altered obsidian--Nikolai had heard you and Tamar discussing it, and you'd said it was infused with Grisha steel to make sure it lasted as long as possible.

"You work for the Council of Tides, yeah?"

"We're supposed to remain anonymous," you said. "I can't tell you that."

"You worked from eight this morning to midnight. That's sixteen hours."

"And in thanks for covering my coworkers shift, they're covering mine tomorrow. I will be stuck in this house all day long," you said. "I do work for the Council of Tides, for the record, but if you say as much to anyone, I will risk the treason charge and have you hanged. It was an opportunity and I took it because it was that or worry about everything in Ravka. I chose the one less likely to kill me."

"They clearly pay you well enough," he said. "Seven figures, I'd imagine."

"The money I make in a year is enough to have Ravka debt free and the treasury restored within four of them," you said. "It's ridiculous, but I either make good money and live in this mansion and pinch my pennies so that I can make sure I have a good foot to stand on when I sell this place and go somewhere new, or I don't make good money and end up living in the crime districts. I had enough of fighting, of open wounds and of shouting in the streets during the war."

Nikolai nodded. "I don't blame you," he said. "However, if making a donation to Ravka is ever in your cards..."

You laughed. "You are so lucky I find your face kissable rather than punchable. Had I found it punchable I would've done it just then."

Nikolai laughed in turn. "You've been missed around the palaces," he said. "I mean--your absence has been disdained by lots of us."

"Who?" You asked. "I write with the lot of them rather frequently--went to see Alina and Mal just last week with a couple of loaves of bread made by Kerch born bakers! Who's disdained my absence, Mr. Lantsov? Everyone seems to be getting on just fine without me."

"Your absence has been disdain by one person," he said. "Me. I couldn't figure it out for a while but then it clicked and now I just--fuck, I feel stupid."

You laughed. "You could've just said you missed me," you said. "I was barely a presence at the palaces beforehand, but I can indeed understand why you would miss seeing me browsing the books in the library you never went into."

"I was busy!" Nikolai shouted, laughing a bit and startling himself with the volume of his words. "I was busy, Y/N, trying to win a war, and when I wasn't I was indeed watching you look at the books. You always got so focused in the libraries--I've spent my time in your absence reminiscing on it."

You laughed. Nikolai set his cup of tea on the ground.

"I loved you during that time," you said. "I really loved you, Nikolai. Didn't think you'd feel the same."

"I did," Nikolai said. "--I still do, Y/N. I haven't stopped for all of my trying."

You blinked. You'd been trying to move on from the war, all that you felt during it and everything that happened. You'd told yourself you'd only hold onto friendships, onto the good memories that came of the war because those good memories were amazing and they were few and far between, so holding onto them could only make sense rather than letting them go.

You supposed that Nikolai was one of those memories. He was a good memory in spite of all of the yearning, a good memory despite the fact that you'd spent so much of your time drowning in the idea that he could never love you like you loved him.

"Do you love me still?" Nikolai asked. "You said that you loved me then. Do you love me now?"

It had been something you were trying to forget. You didn't want to forget it anymore.

"I do," you said. "I don't think I ever stopped, despite how much I wanted to leave everything behind me."

Nikolai grinned. "May I kiss you?"

And you nodded, and then his lips were on yours and it almost felt as though a piece of your life that had been missing since the end of the war had slid back into it's place.

You loved Nikolai, and Nikolai loved you, and while it wasn't much, it was certainly a start.

[kasagiggles]

HIHIHIIIIII I've been following your blog for a while, and I'd like to say I love your writing SO SO MUCHHH <3

(Im new n idk if I'm pressing the correct button or not help-)

Anw, can I request a fic with lee! Tsukasa?(Ilovehimsomuch) and maybe with ler! Kaito (don't blame me he's such a father) or just anyone else that you like!

I'm not forcing you so pls don't feel pressed! Take caree, I can't wait for more of your amazing post! ❤❤

HELLO!! 🩷

first of all i just wanna say i am so sorry for how long this took!! i finally pulled together some motivation and got it done and i thought this was so fun to write!!! i love kaito and tsukasas father son relationship sm 😞

and also welcome to tumblr!! tbh i still don’t know how to use this app but oh well! i love this community

i hope you like it!! :3

warnings: tickles!!! ☆

lee: tsukasa

lers: rin, len, kaito

his sekai was always a place he would visit when we was feeling under the weather. the bright colours and happy atmosphere always cheered him up. but today just didn’t feel the same. he dragged his feet, looking for someone to talk to. he stopped when he noticed that familiar blue haired figure, kaito.

maybe kaito would be able to help him.

“kaito…?” he approached the tall man. he was greeted with a friendly smile like always.

“tsukasa!! what brings you here today?” kaito had a sense that something was different, tsukasa wasn’t the same today.

“i just… needed an escape.” he muttered, avoiding eye contact. kaito hummed.

“how about a hug?” he smiled, opening his arms wide, inviting the boy warmly. tsukasa didn’t hesitate, immediately going to hug the blue figure. kaito always had the most healing hugs. tsukasa could never deny an embrace like that, for it made him feel so warm inside. normally when kaito hugs tsukasa, he can begin to feel the troubled boy loosen up his body, as the tension melted away. but this time, he was still as stiff as a brick. a simple hug wouldn’t do him any justice. kaito closed his eyes, thinking of ideas as he continued to hold him in his arms. and then it hit him.

“can you wait here for just a moment?” he gently pushed tsukasa away, firmly holding his shoulders. tsukasa replied with a gentle nod, sighing. kaito quickly made his way towards the stage.

“rin? len?” he called, searching for the twins. he was quickly greeted with two friendly faces.

“what’s up kaito?!!” rin cheered, her energy was through the roof as usual.

“hey you two, i need your help with something.” he said, getting straight to the point. the two blondes immediately listened in.

“so here’s what i wanna do…”

as time continued to pass, tsukasa sat alone on his favorite bench, fiddling with his fingers and tapping his foot. what could kaito possibly be doing? a slight tug on his sleeve snapped him out of his daze, it was one of the plushies.

“kasa…! can you please come help me? my friend got stuck on the ferris wheel!” the small animal cried. tsukasa was definitely not in the mood to help anybody right now, but as a star he needed to learn to put other people first.

“yeah, sure.” he said with a gentle smile, picking himself off the bench.

he followed the plushie for a few minutes, occasionally sighing. for some reason, the lively and festive atmosphere wasn’t making him feel any better.

eventually the boy realized, they weren’t heading in the direction of the ferris wheel at all.

“hey, the ferris wheel is that way.” he said quietly, scratching his neck.

“oh! ah… yes! i just need to get something real quick! please come with me!” the plushie begged, something was definitely not right. he nodded, following the animals trail.

he ducked through the entrance of the tent, only to find that he had lost the plushie.

“hello?” he called, looking around him. as his eyes wandered the stage, he felt somebody gently tackle him to the ground, hopping on top of him. he grunted, instinctively struggling. he stopped as soon as he recognized the person on top of him.

“rin? what are you doing?” he scoffed, squirming under the girl. he was too distracted to notice the second person behind him who had quickly grabbed his wrists. “h-hey?! what’s the big idea?!” at this point, he was getting frustrated, he didn’t have time for their antics today.

“tsukasa, please just try to relax.” that familiar voice came back, kaito finally made his reappearance.

“kaito? what is going on here?!” he snarled, the vocaloids were taken aback, for they rarely saw their star in such a foul mood.

“please, just trust me, i think this will help.” kaito warmly smiled at him, leaning down and brushing his bangs out of his face.

“can you close your eyes for me?” he asked, his voice laced with kindness and warmth.

tsukasa sighed, trying to make sense of this all, there was no point in trying to get out of this, for he was effectively pinned down on the ground.

he slowly closed his eyes, his body still tense. he heard faint mumbles coming from his attackers. “ah!! this is…. where do… first?” he recognized that voice as len, the one holding his arms up.

eventually, he began to get lost in his own thoughts. his body had finally begun to loosen up. but this moment of relaxation would cease to exist after he felt ten nimble fingers gently stroking his stomach. he choked, holding back a laugh. the sudden feeling instantly caused him to squirm and fight for his freedom.

rin and len were stronger than he thought… he really couldn’t escape their grasp.

“k-kaihahato?” he said through laughter.

unfortunately kaito decided to make his presence known by sneakily slipping off his shoes and gently scratching at his socked feet.

the poor tsukasa screamed and began to kick, as laughter uncontrollably poured from his mouth.

he couldn’t keep his eyes closed at this point, he opened them to be met with three smiling faces.

“TICKLE ATTACK!!!” the twins cheered at the same time.

“WHAHAHAT?? let mehe gohoho!” he squealed, bucking his hips as rin began to gently squeeze his sides.

as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was stuck, with absolutely no way of getting out of this predicament. after minutes of struggling, his body finally gave up as he gave in to the tickles, laughing like crazy.

the unpredictable fingers dancing on his feet and the gentle squeezes of his stomach were driving him mad. he pulled at his arms as hard as he could, but len had them tightly secured.

“STOHOHOHOP!!!” he pleaded, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. his smile was extremely bright, despite his previous bad mood.

the fingers dancing along his skin felt like little zaps of electricity that sent shivers down his spine. the tingly feeling was unbearable yet enjoyable.

rin mischievously lifted up his shirt, revealing his flushed stomach. damnit! kaito must’ve told them about that…

“nohohoho!!! not thahat!” he squealed, beginning to squirm around.

rin grinned, as she gently wiggled her finger in tsukasas belly button. he screamed and laughed incredibly loud, bucking and squirming to try and escape the tickly feeling. as embarrassing as it was, his belly button was extremely sensitive.

“ILL DO ANYTHIHING!!” he pleaded, shaking his head with bright explosions of laughter.

after several more minutes of the tickly torment, the three vocaloids finally got off of him.

all that was left was a blushing tsukasa panting for air, as he clutched his now sore stomach.

he hated to admit it, but it worked. his mood was effectively boosted, and all of his tension and frustrations had melted away.

kaito leaned down beside him, “are you feeling better, star?”

he nodded with flushed cheeks, embarrassed that something so silly was able to make him feel better like that.

he felt a hand on his shoulder, “we will always be here for you tsukasa.” kaito grinned.

tsukasa couldn’t help but smile, he would never be where he is today if he didn’t have this friendly faces supporting him all the way through. and for that, he was truly grateful.

[treason-and-plot]

I'm finally caught up! It took a few days of non-stop reading but I had to know what those 3 trainwreck idiots (Anita, Roy, Joël) ended up doing.

Anita and Roy are the biggest self sabotaging idiots I've seen in my life. Anita was an absolute trainwreck. I mean the girl had made all the wrong choices in life, one thing she did right is probably never giving up on her and Joël.

Roy is... he is just as bad at making decisions as Anita but I think their biggest difference is he just doesn't feel guilty or responsible, at all. I think the only time I've seen him actually feel sorry is when that whole pregnancy drug thing had happened.

And Joël, sweet idiot Joël. I don't have words for how stupid this man is. He just let's things happen to him. He let's women in his life manipulate him. I'm not a jealous person but him being such a clueless idiot about his exes' motives, is part of the reason why Anita lost it so many times (his idiocy and Anita's insecurity were bound to breed that problem.)

So far where they are at, I think Roy should've dumped Sonia looooong ago, like at the altar. The man had serious growing up to do before he got married and Sonia definitely wasn't it.

I'm just happy about Anita and Joël. For a while there I was really thinking that they were done but they made it. I'm still worried whenever I see Anita go out drinking because she still haven't fixed any of her problems but being with Joël seemed to have stabilise her. And Joël is in bliss with his daughter and son, even Saffron. I loved how much that little girl was upset when Joël was leaving.

It's a great story and I really advise anyone who had followed you to go back all those posts and read it all. I loved it!

Ps. After reading all of I've come to conclusion that Raj and Mia deserve each other, for sure. xD

I am dying at you christening Anita, Roy and Joël '3 trainwreck idiots!' That's made my year. And the fact that you spent days reading my story non-stop...my gratitude and awe knows no bounds. You are the best.

Poor Anita...dear, sweet, simple Harry was never going to make her happy. And she nearly destroyed her life and Joël's with her insecurities and her self-sabotaging behaviour, that's very true.

I don't think Joël is stupid...although I know many readers will disagree with me! He's a sensitive, intense, moody introvert who loves deeply and passionately and whose heart rules his head, often with disastrous results. But I wouldn't want him to be any other way!

You have hit the nail on the head re Roy...his personal mantra is never apologise, never explain. He never, ever second guesses himself. His sense of self is inviolate. He married Sonia because she presented a fascinating challenge to him and he did love her (and still does!) But yeah, theirs was a marriage destined to fail. I still miss them as a married couple though, as bizarre as that sounds. Their relationship was just so much fun to explore and write about!

One of the high points for me in my story's recent history has been the birth of Joël and Anita's daughter Alice...I still get emotional thinking about it! And thank you for mentioning Saffron's distress when Joël left Anita...that was another part of the story that I felt was particularly poignant for a variety of reasons (not least of which was Anita's selfishness) and has stayed with me for a long time.

As for Mia and Raj...well, we'll just have to wait and see! The two of them intrigue me as much today as they do as when I first started writing about them;)

Thank you again for taking the time to read my story and send me this...it's hard to express just how much it means to me. But one thing's for sure, it's people like you who make this community so wonderful and who make me inspired to keep on writing as long as I possibly can. And for that I will be forever grateful❤️

[mysticsparklewings]

Mystic's Museletter - Long Time, No Type!

This blog entry was originally posted to Ko-fi and DeviantArt and may also be read in full in either of those places.

Hey there Sparklers; It's been a while, hasn't it? 😅

So I suppose I should start with an apology, because I am sincerely sorry that it's been almost a year now since I was doing my regular "Monthly Museletter/Round-Up" Posts [on dA & Ko-fi, doing them here on Tumblr is entirely new], and it's also been a few months now since I was posting art...really at all, let alone regularly.

And because of that, if it wasn't already obvious, this isn't even going to be quite like my former "regular" long-form posts. It's going to be long, which itself isn't unusual, but because of how much there is to cover, I'm going to try and divide this all up into mostly self-contained sections, and have a list of those sections (marked by headers of the same title) beneath this paragraph so you can jump/scroll around and read "the interesting bits" at your leisure:

Overview of Where I've Been

DeviantArt's Changes

Other Things I've Been Doing - Part 1: Ohuhu Again! - Part 2: Social Sites & Dolls - Part 3: Everything Else

Peeks At Actual Art Things I've Done

Wrap Up

Overview of Where I've Been

So what happened? Well, the Monthly blog posts were just a victim of my executive dysfunction—I got in my head about how long they usually take to put together and when I'd miss one or put it off too long, naturally that would mean the next one would take even longer to catch up and it just spiraled downward from there.

Clearly, if I want to continue with those going forward, I need to make some changes to how they work so I can actually do them. At the moment though I don't have any concrete plans, but I have some general ideas that relate more to the next section.

Okay, but what about Artwork? I was on a pretty good roll there, especially with Winx Art, and then...Crickets.

This one I can't even fully explain myself. At first, I know I was largely bogged down by the fact that I just kept missing self-imposed deadlines to have certain pieces finished by, and my motivation to post art was majorly crippled by some Changes DeviantArt Made, but I feel like those two reasons alone don't cover everything.

My personal life has also been a bit of a roller coaster these past few months, but that is somewhat "normal" for me, so I don't feel right blaming it on that, either.

My best guess is those things combined with my usual Post-Inktober Funk™ and made a kind of "Seasonal Burnout," sort of like Seasonal Depression (as is fairly common for a lot of people to experience around the holidays and winter months). I've had plenty of creative ideas and was even able to do some other creative things I'll touch on more in a bit, but the motivation to actually draw was just...not there.

The other reason I chalk this up as "Seasonal" is because as the weather has finally, slowly started to warm up, I have noticed some internal changes with myself...Nothing major has happened yet, but I feel more squarely pointed back in a "Drawing Direction," if that makes any sense.

I think the last piece of the puzzle to get me at least sort of back on track is related to those Changes I mentioned DeviantArt made. So let's talk a bit about that...

DeviantArt's Changes

Towards the end of October—Naturally, my busiest month!—All of a sudden, I could no longer edit Deviation descriptions directly in Sta.sh, which I'm sure some of you Sparklers are familiar with.

This matters because I found writing & editing descriptions in Sta.sh much more convenient than typing them directly on the Submission Page. Mostly for formatting reasons, but also as a hangover from many years ago when I lost a a few descriptions that were written only on the Submission Page, which didn't (doesn't?) auto-save consistently like Sta.sh did.

So. That wasn't good, but I figured out that I could still edit existing Text documents that I had in Sta.sh, so I took to writing the descriptions in an old one of those and would copy & paste it into the final Art description later. But eventually, that method stopped working too. (I think around mid-November, but I'm not 100% sure.)

As of right now, you cannot edit any text of any kind in Sta.sh anymore. You either handle it directly (on the Submission Page for Artwork, or using dA's on-site text editor for written work), or you don't bother.

Now, I'll wholeheartedly agree that on paper this doesn't sound like a big deal. And it really probably shouldn't be. But nevertheless, to cut an overly long explanation short: It is/was for me. It felt like one of the last few threads tying me here, to DeviantArt, snapped.

Again, to cut an overly long explanation short, emotionally, that really hurt. I have more or less been mourning the loss of the DeviantArt I first joined back in 2011 as a result. 😞

And to cut one more explanation short: I've been thinking for a while now that it might be in my best interest to start up a more proper dedicated blog for my long art descriptions, and this blow to the way I write said descriptions on dA really solidifies that. I still have to figure out exactly where said blog will be—possibly here on Tumblr* which is why I'm posting this here now—but I have pretty much made up my mind that it does need to exist, one way or another.

(*I'd stick it over on Ko-fi, but as it currently stands Ko-fi doesn't have great organization or archive functions for older blog posts; If it's not recent it's difficult to find, and that just won't work with the blog-ish flow I know I'd need, among other small issues with Ko-fi's formatting.)

With all that said...I don't really want to say there's still a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for dA because that doesn't really feel accurate, but that's the closest expression I have.

Very recently, DeviantArt announced a new overhaul coming to the Submission Page, and while I have extremely mixed feelings about it (because I strongly suspect this is exactly why Sta.sh has been crippled)...I don't hate it. There are things I like about it, I'm mainly just bitter and fearful about Sta.sh's future.

But I also haven't fully put this "Studio" thing to the test yet—That requires actually submitting art. So, perhaps there is yet more hope than I think...

Other Things I've Been Doing

To that end, you're probably wondering about those "other creative things" I've been able to do I mentioned earlier, and also if there is any "proper" artwork to show for these past couple of months.

I'll go ahead and spoil that yes, even though there isn't much of it, I do have some "proper" artwork things I can show you, but I think (as this section title implies) it'll be better to address those other creative things I've been doing first.

Part 1: Ohuhu Again!

Probably the most interesting to you Sparklers will be the revelation that I'm in very early stages of working on a kind of "Buying Guide" for the Ohuhu Honolulu Markers.

I'm sure some of you Sparklers are familiar with my Ohuhu Chart and the unofficial "ongoing saga" of keeping that thing up-to-date. Some newer Sparkles may also have originally heard of the chart and/or me from the Ohuhu SubReddit, because I've spent quite a bit of time over there helping people figure out the best way to get all 363 of the Honolulu colors...since unfortunately, Ohuhu has made that process kind of confusing. 😅

Very similar to my chart sorting out confusion over how many colors there are in the first place, I want to make some kind of fixed resource I can point people to that would hopefully help clear up a lot of that said confusion.

I don't want to get to specific on the details of the "final" guide at this point since it is so early; Rather I want to just tell you Sparklers the actual work I've been doing to make it happen, and that all boils down primarily to three things:

Collecting and Organizing some text-based information (mostly in the form of Spreadsheets), and I was already doing a fair bit of this before I decided to even attempt making a Buying Guide

Fixing up my marker storage. I keep my Honolulus in their original bags for space-related reasons, but I've been meaning to make dividers for the bags to make everything more stable, and Spare-Cartoonist6276's Honeycomb method was the final push to do that I needed to actually do it. The only real downside has been that it just takes a while to construct each honeycomb section (and I'm not even bothering with the pretty color-matching cardstock). Fortunately, at time of writing I only have 2 sections left to go out of the original 11!

Swatching & Attempting to sort every color in a "Proper" Color Order. This is also something I've been meaning to try anyway and how useful it would be became pretty undeniable as I started thinking about how this Buying Guide is going to work. I'm in Stage 1 for this process—As I finish a honeycomb section, I swatch the markers in that section, so when the honeycombs are done, the swatches for colors I actually own will also be done. This is also different from my usual swatching because I made very basic little cards with holes punched in them so hopefully comparing colors and physically arranging them is as easy as possible. This swatching has been a long time coming though and is also taking a little bit longer because...I don't actually own every Honolulu color! I'm missing about 35, all of which belong to the "Pesky 43" that only come in certain sets. And with other expenses and trying to save up for a new website (yep, that Ko‑fi Goal is still active, folks!), I just haven't been able to justify dropping $130+ on yet more markers to fix that problem.

However, after some poking around and discussion in the wider Ohuhu Community, a Reddit User by the name of JayZedHorse very kindly reached out and offered to send me physical swatches of the missing colors! They are en route to me as I type!

There are still many small ways in which this isn't a completely perfect solution, but it is still a very solid step in the right direction and I am eagerly counting down the days until I have those swatches in hand!

So at the moment I have the small goal of being finished with the Honeycombs and my own swatches before the swatches JayZed sent me arrive; That way I should be able to jump pretty straight into the comparisons and start on color arrangement. But, fortunately, even if I can't be finished with the honeycombs by then, it won't be the end of the world. Both things will get done either way, it'll just take a little longer.

But that is about all I have to say about this Buying Guide that I think you Sparklers would be interested in, for now, so on to the next subject...

Part 2: Social Sites & Dolls

I'll start by saying there are two Social Media sites I've been semi-active on and so people that either follow me in those places or frequent the same communities I do will probably already have a few ideas of the other ways I've been flexing my creative muscles lately. [...And Members of the Sparklers' Club Discord Server will also have seen a fair bit of the same posted directly in there!]

As I sort of mentioned with the Ohuhu section above, I've been spending quite a bit of time on Reddit. It's not my favorite place on the internet, but I do like that I've been able to have long-ish form discussions about things over there that I would be pretty hard-pressed to cleanly fit inside of art posts. That's where most of my writing muscles have been getting their exercise.

The other one, and probably a little more interesting to you Sparklers, is BlueSky, one of the half a dozen "Twitter Replacements" that's been floating around.

To be fair, there were points where I thought either Mastodon or Threads were going to be my "Twitter Replacement" of choice, but ultimately neither ended up sticking with me and I'm not really sure why. It's possible the same will eventually be true for BlueSky as well, but so far even without fresh art to post it's been jiving decently enough with me.

I've mostly been posting Doll Photos over there; Literally the month after I lost the will to keep up with the monthly blog posts entirely, my interest in Fashion Dolls was finally renewed after a probably 5-6 year hiatus with one Karla Choupette.

I'll spare you Sparklers the nitty-gritty details (especially since I think I may be able to delve into them more appropriately in the future 😉), but suffice to say after falling in love with Karla and Monster High finally producing dolls I actually like again that I've been having a bit of a "Doll Love Renaissance" and I have taken probably a gross and shocking amount of photos of small plastic ladies over the course of the last year.

I don't know what it is about BlueSky that's made me genuinely want to share over there—It certainly isn't a massive following or massive amounts of engagement—but there is something, and it's pretty nice when previously I had to really talk myself into sharing anything that wasn't directly art-related over on Twitter.

Aside from just letting you Sparklers know I'm active on BlueSky at all, this is also relevant because I've taken to fairly regularly making things for the dolls—Mostly tiny crochet clothes, but a few other accessories too, like a belt I recently made to cover up uneven stitching on one doll's dress. And sometimes I re-paint details on certain dolls as well, but nothing super dramatic like some Doll Customizers do!

I would eventually like to compile photos of all (or at least most) of the things I've made for the dolls and maybe actually post them at least over on Ko-fi, and maybe here on DeviantArt too, since I am pretty proud of a lot of them and I think they'd be mildly interesting to my audience. But there are no concrete plans for that at the moment, just wishful thinking.

One related thing I do have slightly more concrete plans for though is the release of a Crochet Pattern—I got a little tired of the lack of pants options for the Rainbow High dolls, especially non-skinny ones, so I did some research and muddled together a pattern for some fitted bell-bottoms. I think the pattern itself is pretty much ready-to-go for sharing, but I did want to make one last test pair of the pants first (this will be the third pair in total) just to make sure one of my yarn recommendations works as well as I think it will.

The pattern will 100% be posted in the Ko‑fi Shop when the time comes, I'm just not completely sure if I'll be attempting to post it (or example photos at least) to DeviantArt as well, but...probably. We'll see!

Part 3: Everything Else

There is one more "not proper art" thing I've been slowly chipping away at that I think you Sparklers will find interesting.

...To be fair, there are some other much smaller things that I've shared with the Sparklers' Club on Discord that would also fit in this category, but they're not as interesting and would normally be saved for the "From the Archives" section in a Monthly Round-Up, so I'd feel out of place discussing them here.

Anyway. I've started the maybe-minorly-insane project of maintaining a Wiki for my Winx Club OCs: "The Mystix Dimension."

I've been keeping a running Google Doc with information about said OCs over the past couple of years as I've been doing major redevelopment on them, but I was getting tired of the limited ways to organize everything in that format.

After a lot of research that ultimately ended up going nowhere, I opted for the format I know best. I spent quite a bit of time making pages for my most-used Winx OCs on the Winx Fanon Wiki back in the day, but in the present I wanted the freedom to mess with the Wiki's code to both make it look more like the "official" Winx Club Wiki and also tailor it more to my own specific needs.

The "Mystix Wiki" is still very Under Construction with a lot of stuff missing, but it is slowly but surely getting there and most of the "bones" are in place.

So if you Sparklers are curious about my Winx OCs specifically, you can pop over there and have a look around—Of the information there, there's already a nice sampling that's pretty different from what long-time Sparklers may remember of my OCs from the earlier DeviantArt days when I was posting about them super regularly. 😉

A side effect of the Wiki that I semi-expected though is that it has made me realize how little I've actually drawn of my OCs even though they've been pretty consistently on the back of my mind for months. So I think pretty soon there are going to be more new Winx drawings in the works as I continue to fill out the Wiki. 😆

And speaking of drawings in the works...

Peeks At Actual Art Things I've Done

Now, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I definitely don't have a lot in the way of Work-In-Progress (WIP) Drawings, but I do have some that I started on before this unintentional hiatus. While I'd normally save some or even most of the WIPs for a Monthly Round-Up instead, given the circumstances I think it only makes sense to go ahead and share them with you Sparklers here and now.

We'll start with a few that should be recognizable as "updates" from the WIP Palooza that I posted back in August:

Firstly, and this will most likely be the next finished piece I actually post, I did finally polish off that sketch of Karla Choupette in the Winx Club art style. (And this is what I meant earlier when I mentioned I might be able to elaborate on my Doll Renaissance feelings later—The description for this piece would be a good place to do that!)

...I'm not showing the completely finished version here because I would like there to be some surprise when it goes public, and also even after all this time I'm still not 100% on the background I chose. So it could still change before the final post.

But Karla herself I'm happy with. I have no idea if I'll ever draw any more Rainbow/Shadow High characters in the Winx Style, but the door is open if I decide I want to.

Next we have...heh, My Winxsona in the Fan Transformation Formalix, better known as "Winxsona Winter Week 7". Incredibly, unbelievably late for "Winxsona Winter" at this point. But nevertheless, I started on the final two pieces for the series and I do want to finish them!

This one isn't fully finished like Karla, but it isn't too far off. It mainly needs shading and a background...And if I had no clue what to do for a background for Karla, then I have like -5 clues what to do for this one. 😅 I'll figure something out, though!

Likewise, I also have the "finished" sketch for "Winxsona WInter Week 8," or: My Winxsona in the Fan Transformation Dimentix.

Mystic Stars and Above on my Ko-fi already saw this WIP back in July, but this is much further along than you Sparklers saw in the WIP Palooza; At that time I had the concept sketch for the outfit and the wings done, and the pose, but I hadn't drawn the outfit on the pose yet.

The Dimentix wings are also ready for coloring (and the Mystic Stars & Above saw this one already too), but they won't be colored until after I get the flat colors down for the outfit/main image so I have a better idea of what colors should go where:

Again, no clue for the background on the finished Dimentix piece, but push-come-to-shove, I can skip a proper background and just recreate the..."wallpaper" effects that were used for the original Dimentix images made by FlorainBloom back in the day.

That leaves us with the two final WIPs I have to share, but for my Winx-loving Sparklers, I think they'll be the most exciting...

Yes, over a year later, I'm picking up the "series" that technically began with Light that Burns the Sky! 😁

Originally, I wasn't sure "Dark Enchantix" (or, my preferred name that I way overthought: "Incantix") would even be a series, but the response to Bloom and Stella was so positive [the Time Lapse has over 20,000 views on YouTube!!] and I did enjoy the concept so much...Yeah, it only feels right to give the rest of the Winx the same treatment. 😄

​As you can see, I've managed to come pretty far. Tecna and Flora have most of their shading done, so next for them is getting their wings in order, then the background (and I plan to use basically the same background that Bloom and Stella got for everyone, so that shouldn't take too much work). And Layla and Musa are pretty far along too...However, I have gone back and forth a bit on Layla's blues and Musa's golds/yellows.

Once again, I'll spare you the nitty-gritty for now, but was one of the challenges for my "Incantix Vision" from the beginning and is the smaller part of why these two drawings have been delayed so much. [...Y'know aside from the other things we talked about at the beginning of this journal.]

The other thing is that I lost my mojo for these two pieces specifically because I had hoped I'd get them finished by the end of the year to submit to a Winx Club fan project, and clearly that didn't happen. (I did go ahead and submit Bloom & Stella since they were finished, though!)

However, that fan project recently re-opened submissions through the end of May this year, so naturally I'm feeling a bit of an itch to see if I get can them both finished by then, even if it's just the still images and the Time Lapses (which only make sense to make since the first one did so well) have to wait a bit longer.

...Considering it's nearly the end of April now and I'd like to get at least 1-2 other things posted before I jump back into Incantix, and all the other circumstances, I obviously have my doubts about whether or not that will happen. But, who knows, maybe telling you Sparklers about it at this stage will be the extra encouragement I need.

At the very least, you Sparklers now know those finished pieces are coming eventually even if it isn't in May, and that was the main point in sharing the WIPs anyhow.

Wrap Up

​So. Now you Sparklers know where the heck I've been and some of what I've been up to in my time away.

I really didn't mean to more or less up and disappear and I am not happy that I have so little to show for my absence...But there's no time machine to go back and un-do it all, so for better or worse it is what it is.

I am, however, writing this blog post in the hopes that it'll be the "permission" I need to give myself to at least attempt to get back into an art posting rhythm.

As I touched on in the previous section, I do have a vague plan for my next finished piece to post, but it felt kind of wrong to just randomly go back to posting art like the past 4-5 months didn't happen with no explanation, especially over on Ko-fi. So here we are.

And...Beyond that, I really don't know how to end this. It feels a bit cheap to leave on my previous usual blog post send-off when this one is so different in nature...But I also don't consider myself as very good at ending these things in the first place. 😅

I should say though before I go—I really, sincerely do appreciate you Sparklers that have stuck by me in one way or another while I went radio silent. Every like, comment, whatever—I've still seen them all while I was away, and those are the little things that keep bringing me back when I do hit rough patches like this. Knowing that at the end of the day the art things I do matter to someone out there. It means more than I can put into words. So thank you, Sparklers, for just being there.

​Hopefully, it won't be too much longer before I can share some new things with you Sparklers to make it really worth your while. But, until then, as always...

Take Care and Sparkle On ✨

~Mystic~

[neko-naruto]

oh yeah?

Most recent Kenman fic. What inspired it? Any lessons or morals? Be ignorant be gay? 👉👈🥺

before we begin talking about Contractually Obligated we need to start with some small pre-ambles

1: it's intended to be the final piece of a trio of fics, one wherein Cartman is taking the aforementioned photographs of Kenny (mentioned when they're making out on a car), and one wherein they have a big ass chat about how they should hook up now that Kyle is dating Stan (Cartman is already out of town). will I finish either of those fics? fuck if I know, do they exist in my head without fail and keep me motivated to keep going? absolutely

2: I usually write kenman fics to fill the gaping void, to cope with the complete lack of kenman fics. I also use the kenman dynamic to explore different scenarios that I can't entirely justify with K2, Stenny, Crenny, etc, etc- because sometimes Cartman is the only one who hits the specific vibe I'm shooting for.

3: they would've had gay sex on screen but I wanted it to be safe for tumblr so we only get a scene of them smoking in bed like in the movies just to make sure people understand that they hit it hard

now, actually talking about the fic itself

see, i have a fixation with the whole 'if we're both single' type of contract, because it can go two ways. both parties struggling to prevent the contract from happening, or both parties shrugging off attempts to prevent it. in this case, they gave up on preventing it, and almost forgot about it, style and creek both happened so why not try and hook up right.

but they are both stubborn, repressive, idiots! and they won't just ask each other out because no, that's pretty fuckin' faggy, and Cartman won't lower himself to that. he will lower himself to going on a date with Kenny only in the case of a bet, or a contract, because there's no control over that. he can't control it, it's not of his own volition, he's not gay if he does it, he just lost a bet. Kenny on the other hand? he's kissed all of his friends, fuck, he's slept with all of his friends because of course he has.

the pre-existing dynamics, my god, kill me now, they make me go insane. Kenny is Cartman's best friend, and Kyle and Stan are less Cartmans friend than Kenny is. already we have a rooted relationship, they're close, so very, very close, and Cartman remembers when Kenny dies (he briefly states Kenny dies all the time in the ep where he buys an amusement park). there's this dependency you know, Cartman goes to Kenny because no one else will actually listen, and Kenny listens. they ran a restuarant together! thats fuckin gay as shit!

i am getting off point, very off point, sorry. but basically, they made this contract age thirteen, and Kenny knows Cartman will still be single, because of course he will. it's just a convenient excuse, quell the anxieties. and you know what? it worked, Kenny got a partner (will be disclaimed in the unwritten fic) and so did Cartman, and that contract was as good as dead. they could just tear it up and move on.

but no, nineteen, Cartman is fresh out of town, and he calls up Kenny to tell him he finally got a girlfriend. and Kenny is so fucking happy for him, the contract fades into obscurity and that point it's entirely out of Cartman's head. Cartman gets dumped first, and he doesn't dare call up Kenny, but when Kenny gets dumped? they are sitting on the phone, consoling each other, and just bullshitting like long distance friends do.

two more years pass and Cartman is back in South Park and he knows what must be done, he's been waiting patiently for it. and he'll never tell Kenny that he dumped the chick in the same way Kenny will never tell Cartman he got dumped because his partner found the artfully nude photographs ('to test lighting!') that Cartman took.

'so what? they both fucked their relationships?'

big fucking what, it wasn't purposeful, remember, that contract has faded into obscurity. Kenny never thought the photos would come up and Cartman isn't getting what he wants, someone to remind him of his best friend. they require each other, Stan and Kyle got together, Craig and Tweek married at age twenty one, Butters is off with Tolkien, yuri happened between Bebe and Wendy- everyone is together.

except for Kenny, he's single in South Park and no one is available for him, and Cartman, single out of South Park and he's been asked out once or twice at that. he turns them down, he has business to fulfill and he refuses to leave this contract unfulfilled. he's been waiting for this, for the dominoes to finally fall so he has an excuse to get what he wants and so does Kenny.

sure, it's subconscious, but they've always had each others backs. they'll never get married (unless they make another elaborate bet for Cartman to lose so he has his personal excuse), they'll never have kids, they'll never call each other boyfriends in the public eye, even rarely around friends and family. 'it was a fluke' Cartman keeps saying whenever they're caught in public, 'I lost another bet' he needs his excuse, he needs his reason because he can't just have something this nice.

Kenny on the other hand? oh how he revels in what he's finally attained with a man as untouchable as Cartman. that he can finally have the brunette to himself, that they belong to each other instead of defying a fact as simple as that they should've coupled off so long ago. but again, Cartman needs his reasons, and Kenny respects that, he respects that they'll only be lovers in private and that they'll always be friends in public. because this is good enough, it's almost what he's been waiting for since he was thirteen.

in short: the tension of this fic weighs heavily on Cartman being inwardly homophobic, and to an extent outwardly, despite knowing he wants Kenny. an addition to the tension is Kenny being queer, no fancy labels and entirely out, the entire worlds know at this rate. he is gay and Cartmans safe way to step foot into being a little bit gay despite the idea making him feel ill (he can't, he's failing himself if he is). he can't be romantic with Kenny for a reason as simple as 'i love him' and Kenny will keep giving Cartman all sorts of elaborate schemes and reasons now that the initial barrier is broken.

[dual-domination]

I posted 662 times in 2022

97 posts created (15%)

565 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-marron

@huntress1013

@jaimebluesq

@zhu-yilong-laying-on-things

@pangzi

I tagged 591 of my posts in 2022

Only 11% of my posts had no tags

#guardian - 78 posts

#dmbj - 71 posts

#zhu yilong - 71 posts

#zhao yunlan - 65 posts

#mdzs - 61 posts

#wu xie - 50 posts

#bai yu - 42 posts

#shen wei - 42 posts

#nie mingjue - 42 posts

#the untamed - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i just wouldn't take xiexie to the desert island bc if he and zyl are there i'm going to stay alone.... if you know what i mean jksjkskjs

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I am so sorry, but you two made my day. Literally made me giggle like a teenager. Thank you so much. OK, new ask.

Pairing: Lan XiChen x Jiang Wanyin

AU : The frazzled babysitter

You're welcome! It's my pleasure to serve the humor and comedy 😆

So here we go again:

Little menaces

Xichen tried to not give up. Coffee and energetic drinks weren't working anymore. He wondered why his didi and his (twice?) brother-in-law got cute sweet children like a-Yuan and tiny romantic Zizhen, meanwhile he got Jingyi and a-Ling. Just one of them was enough to make him keep the two eyes very open, but the two, together… a true nightmare. A-Ling would fight over his jiujiu's attention - against Jingyi AND against Xichen. And Jingyi would fight back because… well, because he was who he was: the less Lan of all Lans. 

LXC: Sometimes I wonder if there's any chance of Jingyi being actually a Nie changed at birth…

JC: Sometimes I wonder HOW Wei Wuxian managed to raise such a calm son while a-jie's child is… this full-time upset baby Peacock…

JL: A-Ling is not a peacock! 

JC: Your dad is a Peacock, and so are you.

JL: Mean jiujiu!

LXC: Wanyin, making them cry won't help…

JC: Helps me to get my revenge for what they've done to us.

LXC: They're just small babies… we have to love them.

JC: I love my peacock nephew. 

JL: A-Ling is going to tell everything to xiaoshushu!

JC: Just like you, he's not a big thing. 

LJY: Jin Ling is a coward!

JL: And you are what??

LJY: I'm a fucking badass NIE!

Next time they'd have to babysit, Jingyi definitely would stay with Mingjue and a-Yao, even at risk of learning at least five more bad words and cursing to Lan Qiren's horror.

47 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

#4

Now that my husband loves Mo Dao Zu Shi, I can send him stuff I find on Tumblr. So I sent this one for him...

And he sent it back to me and told me he fixed it:

He doesn't want to be a Lan anymore. He wants to be a Nie, have a respectable mustache and qi-deviate like man.

He says: The Mustache is Canon.

93 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

#3

POV: Meng Yao never left Qinghe

Part 1:

* MY, immersed in business papers. *

NMJ: What are you doing?

MY: Long-term investments.

NMJ: For what?

MY: For good reasons.

NMJ: I was not consulted. 

MY: War is your business, investments are mine.

NMJ: Shall I remind you who Qinghe Nie Sect belongs to?

MY and NHS looking at each other from opposite sides of the room.

NHS: Da-ge, shall I remind you who you belong to?

NMJ: I sense a conspiracy here…

( @novas-grimoire I blame that tweet... and my obsession in Nieyao fix-it stuff)

97 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#2

It's been a while since my hand tremors returned and it's been rare for me to feel like painting - especially since I've lost a lot of motivation since Traditional Art has become underrated in light of digital art.

But then this wonderful Guardian fic by @the-marron left me overly emotional and I can't get out of my head everything I felt while reading.

So, Marron, a quick painting of someone who wished he had the talent to convey your impeccable writing on a canvas, but really just has a lot of feelings.

Fun fact: it's the first time in over twenty years of being part of fandoms that I've tried to paint something for someone else's fic.

You can find this little literary treasure here:

When I walk past the mountain peak, it doesn't speak

(It took a lot of courage to post this 😅)

140 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

467 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

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