#i'm sorry if they're not good

[inkskinned]

"don't make it political!" .... what proportion of death and suffering must occur before politics are involved. if this isn't political, what is even the point of any politics, ever. of democracy. the words are "by the people for the people." if i am going to be left alone by my elected representatives to "figure it out" - to undergo damage, hardship, fear. what the fuck did i elect them for. what was their job. the entire point is that they handle this shit. this is why we were supposed to be electing leaders.

poverty is political. misogyny is political. gun control is political. climate change is political. how much aid a community gets is political. what the fuck are you talking about. it's been political this whole fucking time.

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Hot take maybe but I think Bertie would be FAR more likely to survive the first two months of Dracula than Jeeves would be. Bertie has a healthy sense of self-preservation. Jeeves consistently underestimates how dangerous a situation might get (Steeple Bumpleigh, the club book) because he’s overconfident about his level of control over any given situation. He'd handle Dracula masterfully if they faced off in England, but on Dracula's home turf? Much more doubtful.

I realize this might be a tough sell, so I will explain further (or it's not a tough sell, and I'm going to explain further because I want to). (criteria taken from @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula) Without further ado.

Would Jeeves and Wooster survive Castle Dracula?

Jeeves

Jeeves' survival will depend on how long Dracula finds him more entertaining than irritating. On that basis, I don't think he's long for this world. On the one hand, he has a huge wealth of knowledge about English society and culture that he can recite perfectly from memory. That should buy him at least a little time with noted teaboo Dracula.

On the other hand, he would be absolutely no fun as a vampire plaything. Jeeves cannot be got. Sneaking up on him while he's shaving will yield zero reaction (though that's at least good for his short-term survival--given that, although he DID take the crucifix from the old woman out of politeness, he certainly isn't going to wear it. The rules of fashion don't go out the window just because you're in a spooky castle). Then, although managing the whims of rich jerks is not an insignificant part of a valet's job, Jeeves usually does this by bending his employers to his will. Dracula is not the sort of employer this will work on. It'll just add insult to injury when on top of being impossible to scare, NOW Jeeves is telling Dracula that his favorite cloak is several centuries out of fashion and he's not allowed to wear it anymore.

Jeeves will 100% go exploring in the areas he was told not to go-- though to be fair, he MIGHT actually get away with this, what with his superpower of appearing in rooms without being seen or heard. Said superpower might save him from the brides as well (though this is by no means guaranteed). Since I find it doubtful that Dracula would come to rescue his annoying ass, not being noticed is his best defense.

There are a couple other things working in Jeeves's favor; the question is just whether they'll be enough to save him.

He DOES know shorthand, and could try to send coded letters. He might even have the foresight to squirrel away some extra stationary where Dracula can't find it. But could he get them posted? Would it even do him any good?

He certainly has enough cultural literacy to figure out what his new boss is pretty quickly. If he didn't chuck the crucifix out the carriage window, he might start carrying it around in his pocket.

Psychology of the individual, sure, but the individual in question is a 400-year-old vampire who lives in an isolated castle in a foreign country and is regarded as a terrifying mythological figure in the surrounding villages. Jeeves has never come up against anything this alien before, he's cut off from his normal resources, and opportunities to play people against each other are limited.

He probably has enough upper body strength from all that shrimping and fishing to climb the wall, so he COULD escape if he wanted to, if he survived long enough. It's just, again, that overconfidence, and also Dracula has a vast library full of rare old books that are entirely at his disposal. He's keeping his eyes and ears alert for potential escape strategies, of course, but I don't see him being as desperate to get out as Jonathan was.

There are just a lot of "depends on"s here, and I'm not convinced that luck would shake out in Jeeves's favor, all things considered.

Bertie

Bertie is so perfect for the job of Castle Dracula Prisoner it's like it was made for him. Think about it. Being held against his will in big manor houses comes more naturally to him than breathing. He's afraid of things that are scary. A lifetime of dealing with Aunt Agatha has made him the world's preeminent expert in "curl[ing] up in a ball in the hope that a meek subservience [will] enable [him] to get off lightly." He will NEVER go exploring in places he's been warned away from if nobody is forcing him to (Rev. Aubrey Upjohn's office notwithstanding. There were biscuits in there). He's both fun to talk to and easy to toy with (and extremely English). A+ prisoner. Dracula adores him.

In my opinion, Bertie is at Castle Dracula either because Aunt Agatha got some wires seriously crossed and thinks he’s going to meet an eligible potential bride (I mean, there are certainly brides there), or because Dracula has something Aunt Dahlia wants him to steal (far less likely, given that one of Dracula’s THINGS is famously not owning anything silver). Either way, he's shown himself entirely willing and able to escape down drainpipes if a sitch gets too scaly.

He DOES take the crucifix, and DOES wear it (which is what will save him during the shaving scene, because you KNOW he's going to jump a foot and cut himself like the dickens). He's read enough supernatural goosefleshers to be genre savvy about terrified old women cryptically pushing crucifixes into one's hands. I also think his sunny disposish endeared him to the villagers, and they were particularly vehement about urging him not to go. He doesn't speak German or Romanian, but he's empathetic enough to recognize Pure Terror. So by the time he actually gets to the castle, his imagination is already running wild and he's plenty aware that he is in imminent danger.

I think the biggest risk to Bertie will be the brides; whether or not he's susceptible to trances, if he thinks they're trying to marry him, it's against the code of the Woosters to turn them down. But that only becomes an issue if he comes face to face with them, which, luckily, I think is unlikely on account of the aforementioned "won't go exploring" (and if he did, Dracula would definitely rescue him).

I'm inclined to say due to his drainpipe-escape habits that he WOULD be able to climb the wall and MAY attempt to sneak into Dracula's room to look for the keys if his desperation grows to outweigh his fear. Whether he does or not, though, he does NOT have the stomach to attempt shovel murder, and therefore won't get magic brain fever, and may very well simply walk out the front doors when the people come to take the boxes away. OR he climbs his way out like Jonathan did. Either way.

When Bertie tells this story at the Drones later, Tuppy will say that no doubt it's been greatly exaggerated and all that probably happened was that he spent a couple months in an oldish house entertaining a weird loner.

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

What can I even say here to redeem myself

[casscainmainly]

I love how Cass is like 'I couldn't find a present for Dick :(' and Duke's first response is to comfort Cass, and then say 'just give him something already in the house'. Like he really doesn't give a damn about Dick. What an icon.

From Batman: Urban Legends #10

[songforten]

can anyone explain to me at what point rose tyler was "unbelievably stupid". was it when she was inventing transdimensional travel

[gnomewithalaptop]

Rereading the Our Worlds at War tie-in again and God I miss their friendship every day

[artilite]

random sonic doodles after watching the movie 👍

[vaguely-concerned]

having seen at least the rough outlines of all the romances now I have to say that I think emmrich's is probably objectively the best in terms of coherence and completeness of story arc (with the understanding that ultimately the 'best' romance is whichever one makes YOUR heart sing anyway so objectivity is a silly thing to claim that way, it just felt like it's the arc with the most well-paced focused content and the least dangling threads)... but lucanis' is my favourite haha. just. the whole kneeling before your beloved full of reverence but without any of the distance that usually implies??? his complete undramatic certainty and calm in every scene with rook after this, having spent the whole game caught between fear and longing???? mr. lives in a pantry but it says nothing about my psyche don't worry about it it's purely for tactical reasons that I keep myself contained in a small dark room not entirely unlike a cell, love among the parsnips -- finally coming to rook in their room and it's so comfortable and comforting???? after all the times rook supports and comforts him through the game he's finally able to return the same to them when they need it while being so calm and steady and it's so fucking sweet and feels so effortless and with no price attached?????? he basically assigns himself the role of your bodyguard and he WILL stab a god over it??????????????? the turn to protector (which was in his heart all along longing to get out and find a place) of it all????? he sounds like he's found himself unexpectedly stumbling into such a soul-lightening state of revelatory existential relief, full on 'you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' mary oliver style, and he goes and he shares that with rook and protectively envelops them in it when they're hurting??????????????????????????? hello for the maker's sake hello can anyone hear me?????

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

I'm sorry but James Vowles criticising how Red Bull has treated their drivers in the past, only to go and then treat Logan far worse while pulling the exact same shit Red Bull did, ie the exact behaviour he criticised and called them out for, is so freaking infuriating like the sheer hypocrisy -

[koshercosplay]

Neil gaiman is a Zionist :(

this is so funny because if you google "neil gaiman zionist" nearly all of the links are to unsourced tumblr posts or responses to a single tweet from 2015 that just acknowledges Israel's existence

I see gaiman has once again committed the heinous crime of Being Jewish When Israel Is In The News

[dragondawdles]

did an art sprint challenge thing tonight have a sub-2 hour deku link

[just-null]

what’s your favorite clone and why? 😼

I gotta be that guy and say I really like them all. i loVE EACH ARCHETYPE THEY KINDA RESEMBLE

Sekido [in my head] has a mean exterior SO loud it makes you forget he's working with the others to actively protect the main body and has faith in their abilities. He gets annoyed at his younger counterparts cause he knows they're not using their full potential... I also really like how he's both very proper and improper, like a thug in a meeting or something... so cool.... Also, him taking the leader role and everyone going with it has big bro vibes.. oldest bro vibes.

cult leader loves tsundere guys.

Karaku [in my head] is the thrill seeker type who's more than willing to be the most annoying man around for the sake of his entertainment and living in the moment. He plays around rather than disposing of someone immediately like a fucking psychopath. Even if late, he knows when to get serious and when to tone down his antics. he still gets fucked over by playing with his opponents too much.. I like that he's not stupid, he's reckless. mega "cool big bro" aura.

cult leader loves shameless guys.

Urogi [in my head] is obnoxious and loud, boastful even especially when he's either screeching or talking, never entirely silent. While he does fight on his own, he'd drop everything if given an order and try his best to comply. also a troublemaker... like a younger bro who never really has responsibilities but does them when told so he can go back to doing wtv he was doing before. Like he's just there to have a good time. He's also not stupid, just excitable, then he gets cocky, then gets his shit rocked.

cult leader loves arrogant himbo guys.

Aizetsu [in my mind] is extremely sassy and gives passive aggressive vibes and prefers to deal with conflict swiftly because it's bothersome and makes him upset. He might look cute and weak, but he's scary. While he's sensitive, he's no pushover and will also cut pretty deep. He's definitely the younger brother who's trying to constantly get out of trouble by seeming like the angel.... It's also interesting because he never sugarcoats his words. He twists them in a way that makes him sound helpful and you, pitiful.

cult leader loves cute manipulative guys.

Zohakuten [in my mind] is a little hater who's most protective of everyone but, more importantly, the main body. He sees himself as a decent guy going against injustice for a man who's just trying to survive. Like a little bro who's stubbornly wrong about something he doesn't fully grasp. Also he's just so hilarious?? it was not necessary at all to insult your opponents looks then tell tanjiro to get over it cause the dead weren't relevant to him. How can someone so disrespectful come in a small package..

cult leader loves the brat trope.

Urami is pretty similar to hantengu, imo, just angrier 😔😔 not many opinions, but I do find it amusing to imagine he's very passionate 24/7

[vraisetzen]

Suwa Yorishige's misogi — an act of ablution to wash away sin and impurity, and to also pray for safety ⛩️

Bonus stitched panel:

[andy-clutterbuck]

Apocalypse Dad Uniform™ Rick Grimes - The Walking Dead | Joel Miller - The Last of Us

[deximexi]

wavewave is kinda interesting..

[liddlediddy]

squid game season 3 spoiler

Gi-Hun (after the inevitable Frontman reveal): if i had a nickel for every time I played the games and formed a close bond with player 001 only to be devastated when my choices directly lead to them being killed, and then later find out that not only did player 001 fake their death but turn out to be the person in charge of running the games, I would have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.