#i'm sorry i cannot be concise or clear with my thoughts :<< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[walkman-cat]

hands up tell me abt Your star trek au right now!! on the double bro. what are the tensions it all looks too kind & magical i don’t trust it yet

(if it is literally kind & wonderful i am grateful i am thankful i am honored i’d just like to hear more)

-@jack-kellys

i'm ngl my star trek au au is mostly running on vibes wbwbwb so it is pretty kind and happy and warm (i just really like how much everyone in the enterprise's crew has such a respect and care for each other yknow. found family and all that innit).

that being said, here are some funky things about the characters ive been thinking about lately (under a cut because i'm incapable of being concise):

the stars were essentially jack's santa fe. he grew up surrounded by stories of starship captains and space and it became his lifelong dream and ambition to captain a starship, something which he dropped everything to attain. now he is captain of a starship– one of the youngest in starfleet's history– and it's wonderful and fantastic and he's never felt more alive! but there's always something gnawing at the back of his mind (he's based his entire life up until this point around this moment, it was a driving force and a beacon to look up to when times were tough. what if the experience is nothing like his dreams and he ends up disappointed? what happens when the mission's over? what'll become of him?).

also starfleet's assigned him a galaxy-class starship with families onboard and he's having a Time because of it (what if they get hurt under his watch. what if he gives the wrong order and a child dies. starfleet officers know the risks of space travel and are aware of this but the families. the children). other than that he's having a great time !!

kath's half-betazoid on her mother's side, but she never knew her mother nor has she ever been to betazoid (i really went woe! being mixed and only connected to one of your cultures but still being unable to fit in even there because of the fact that you're mixed be upon ye!). she's trying real hard to learn more about betazoid and who her mother is even though she knows she won't really feel like she "belongs" in betazoid either. she's working on understanding and using her empathic/telepathic powers more.

oh also!! pulitzer is a notorious and not-well liked admiral, when kath joined the acedmy she officially had her name changed to plumber and has since told no-one that they're related (this surely won't backfire terribly on her in the future)

also because this is the spot (cat) show, kath loves spot (cat) and wants to babysit her and play with her but alas. she is allergic to cats

race cannot catch a break– he's got a massive losing streak at senior officer poker night, spot (cat) hates him, he can't grow a beard but every time theres an impostor/clone/mirror universe situation the other version of him always has a beard (this is half in jest but also it amuses me wbwb)

jokes aside, i've been having a whole bunch of race as first officer thoughts (and a lot of riker and race parallel thoughts but. that's another story). i don’t really know how to explain it other than the way riker acts in the last episode of tng season two (yes, the riker montage episode) when facing death (joking around and keeping up the appearance of flippancy and courage in the face of agonising death because he’s first officer and there are people who look up to him and he has to set an example) seemed very race and very kony to me, in a way. (youve got this to blame for riker beard race. im not sorry)

race is also one of the first people to advocate for les becoming acting ensign. he makes it very clear that he's in les' corner and makes himself responsible for his studies and sometimes his training (and he teaches him poker).

OH ALSO! sarah and davey didnt know les ws going to be onboard and only found out about his presence after they'd set off. did he sneak onboard?? mayyyybeee (he just really wants to be a starfleet officer). after the initial shock (and notifying their parents) sarah and davey start the Let Les on the Bridge campaign (letting him watch the bridge from the turbolift, helping out in sciences and engineering, etc etc) the that eventually leads to les becoming acting ensign. it reaches a point where most of jack's senior officers would probably mutiny all for this kid.

there's more stuff but i'll stop rambling now because, again, i have a problem with being concise wbwbw. thankyou soso much for the ask rizz once again i love your star trek au so much and am always eager to hear more wbwbw!!! :D

[writeouswriter]

hiiii sorry if this is Super weird !!! but i know some people look at their past writing n cringe a little yet also still love it a little but (n this goes out to anyone tht wants 2 answer too!) have u ever cringed at like. recent writing? bc i cannot 4 the life of me look at smth i wrote even seven months ago bc im just so embarrased..... do u or anyone else have advice on how u could overcome smth like this? i know cringe is dead be free n live ur life !!! but sometimes i cannot. help but just. Explode

Not weird at all! Though I'm not great with the advice personally, (clear and concise answers? Idk her), maybe someone else can help a little more as I have lots of lovely brilliant people following me!

But I definitely have cringed at some of my recent writing. I'm always going to cringe at some of my writing and be like what was I thinking, I can't write, while other times I'll be like, wow I actually can write. It's forever in flux. Sometimes, that's just how it is because even in the smallest intervals of time, you're constantly growing as a writer, learning new things every minute, every second, and with every new thing taken in, every new experience or reading or etc. under your belt, you see further into how the gears of writing turn, and occasionally that means you start to perceive more flaws in your own writing, whether real or imagined, because you're looking for them now, you're looking at the embroidery from behind with all the loose strings and stitches, you're looking at the clocktower from between the gears on the inside, watching them shudder and jolt a little unnaturally when most other people just see the face.

For recent writing, it's an especially tough beast because unlike writing from the further past, you're not far enough removed yet, so you still can't really look at it objectively, you're still stuck inside the clocktower, unable to see the view as an outside observer. So, maybe everything is going to look a little wonky regardless of whether it really is or not, and there's not much to do but keep learning and improving from it in the meanwhile, step back for a second, give it time and space, and be kind and patient with yourself as you take a walk around back to the front of the tower and see whether you can still see the gears and everything from there.

My analogies tend to get out of hand and may not be the most solid or helpful, so I'll drop that... but you feel me? Maybe you will still be cringing at it later, but that means you've come further as a writer and can pinpoint how to fix it/improve it or use the experience and observations for your new work, honing in on what exactly about it is making you cringe, maybe it's something with an easy workaround, or maybe with fresh eyes, you'll see it's not as bad as you thought and there's some good in there after all, maybe a mix of both.

Usually, it really is a matter of time. When I posted my first ao3 fanfic last year, I couldn't bear to look at it again, the thought of it made me sick. I had reread it multiple times at various stages to the point where I was just like if it's bad, it's bad, it's out there and there's nothing I can do now, and the thought of it haunted me, like people are gonna think the style is weird, it's ooc, it's this, it's that, etc., aah, but I reread it finally again last week and... it was fine. It was totally... fine. Meanwhile, another story I had been working on, I came back to it after a while and realized the dialogue was stilted and the prose repetitive, so I had to rework it, but that's fine too, no shame in that. It takes a while to find what works.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble and repeat myself, and my keyboard keys are all sticking because I spilt milk on it the other day, rip, so yeah! That's all I can tell you personally, but if anyone wants to jump on and add something else, feel free! And I wish you all the luck in your writing quest! Take care.

[curiosity-killed]

hua cheng, the accidental person

okay this is for @bodhimcbodeface because i can’t shut up and make this concise enough for discord. spoilers ahead yeehaw

this is...not comprehensive. i’ve written 11 tgcf fics and am generally a bit fixated on Hua Cheng as a character so. there’s definitely things missing but i tried to hit the main points that i thought of while writing? also obviously this is just my interpretation! i do not expect anyone else to be like “ah yes curio the sage is so correct i have changed my thinking on this” like go live your life with your own versions of hua cheng! this is just the hill upon which i have firmly planted myself and from which i refuse to be budged. as u do.

anyway, LONG explanation of my very niche and very uh self-indulgent, not-necessarily-support-by-canon hua cheng apologism LMAO

tl;dr: (this is really Too Long i’m sorry) I think Hua Cheng reluctantly becomes a person during his 800 years of searching, starting from a point where he views Xie Lian not as a person but as an immutable god and focus of devotion and developing into a person who doesn’t really acknowledge that he’s a person because realizing that you want to live and do things for yourself is scary and overwhelming at times, and he ultimately falls in love with Xie Lian during the novel itself as he recognizes and is in wonder of the humanity of Xie Lian instead of his divinity or absolute judgment.

POINT 1: Hua Cheng doesn’t actually fall in love with Xie Lian till the ox cart

but curio! you say, “my beloved!” he calls him his beloved! and the land of tender!!

shhh. IMO Hua Cheng is more Wuming than Hua Cheng for those 800 years. By which I mean, for most of that time he’s, at his heart, a nameless soldier trying to find and serve his crown prince/general/god. He still views Xie Lian as this perfect and immaculate figure—a sculpture, a painting, a work of art that is untouchable and immutable. And he’s utterly and wholly devoted to that figure but devotion is not the same as love

So Hua Cheng is searching and trying to serve Dianxia all these years and then His Royal Highness finally ascends and is a god again and Hua Cheng shows up in all his glory to give this power and strength and wealth to serve him and—

and he’s met not by a powerful and reckless martial god or an unstoppable calamity but by a young man dressed in bridal robes who lets Hua Cheng lead him up a darkened mountain, who doesn’t lash out with spiritual energy or a sword but instead, only eventually, with the cursed bandage he was carrying back in the darkest part of his life.

and i think that throws hua cheng. like he’s had this image of his god all these years, this divine painting made over and over and over again—and he carries that belief and devotion with him, but there’s a crack in the sculpture and the stone is starting to flake off to reveal a human underneath it

so he puts on an approachable, malleable, unassuming skin and finds xie lian collecting scraps and being a lil awkward, a lil bumbling, generous and kind — and i think hua cheng, after 800 years of knowing everything, having everything — I think he looks at this discovery with wonder

Bc tbc this does not mean Hua Cheng views them as equals. For him it’s like, dianxia has even more to him, is even more than I knew. He’s seen Xie Lian as the flower crowned martial god in all his glory and as the white-clothed calamity in all his horror — and now here he is, wonderful, multitudinous, and human

Meanwhile I don’t think Hua Cheng even views himself as a person really, much less a human.

also i mean. the internet & allo ppl prove time and time again that you don’t need love for horniness so. land of tender’s right out as proof on that

POINT 2: The Live For Me thing

so obviously and undeniably, using one person as a reason for living is....not healthy. Not going to argue that. but my take on it personally is that, when Hua Cheng’s a kid who really, actively wants to die and sees no reason for living, Xie Lian gives him a reason to keep going. he doesn’t have to live for himself—that’s too much, that’s too big of an ask—but he’s been given a command and purpose by the one person who’s been kind to him/whom he respects. it’s a little like... “My life has no meaning but my cat needs me to feed him and clean his litterbox and so I need to keep getting up and taking care of him even if I don’t see a larger intrinsic purpose to my life.”

and i think like...it’s easy to forget that for all of books 2 & 4, Hua Cheng is young. He doesn’t live past 18—he’s still like...a kid. And that’s not to say that teenagers/young adults can’t make moral and rational decisions but I’m going to be honest, when I was that age I contemplated joining the Air Force because of tuition assistance and the snazzy uniform despite the fact that I was a vocal pacifist and repeatedly got into arguments with teachers about school rules and conservative politics. It’s not like. The Most Rational and Mature Age, lbr. 

so Wuming is absolutely capable of looking at what Xie Lian is doing and being like “hey maybe war crimes aren’t a great idea” but he is young and traumatized and the one person he believes in, the one person who gave him a reason to keep going, is deadset on this task which tbh I don’t think either of them (or...necessarily...the society in which they live) views as war crimes in the modern sense (which isn’t to say that we as readers should view it any more lightly bc i think the narrative directly and firmly contradicts that idea) but as revenge, as an eye-for-an-eye. so, bad, but character-wise, I think it’s more nuanced than we sometimes consider

anyway back to the fixation on xie lian. i stand by the assertion that in those 800 years, hua cheng wasn’t exclusively focused on xie lian. like was finding and serving him his top priority? oh god yes. undeniably. there is no other version of this story. BUT eight hundred years is like....a lot of time. and i think in that time he started doing things for himself, even if under the guise of serving xie lian. hua cheng is curious and adventurous—he clearly likes to learn even if he plays it off as nbd—and i think he starts to realize that about himself in those centuries even if he doesn’t allow himself to acknowledge or consider it. 

POINT 3: Mt. Tong’lu in General

“okay, sure but what about the thousands of sculptures and murals of xie lian, curio. what the fuck about them.”

Yeah. FINE. okay we will DEAL with this. dealing with this is the entire reason i wrote “(like i do) in the tall grass.” 

disclaimer: this is probably not supported by canon! i also. Do Not care. My Ghost King Now.

so I have two general avenues I take with this:

going back to the devotion > love — when Hua Cheng reaches MTL, he’s seen xie lian beaten and cast down. what do gods need to survive? worship! we see throughout how important divine statues/portraits/etc. are throughout canon. in this interpretation, the cave is a concentration of all that worship in an effort to support and serve xie lian and hua cheng doesn’t view himself like...as part of it. the sculptures could have been carved by any hand so long as they are xie lian and the worship and devotion that goes into their making can support and bolster him.

my personal favorite version: amNESIA IN THE CAVES —okay i don’t have the text pulled up rn but y’know how Guoshi says Hua Cheng was almost dispersed, in terrible condition, etc., when he reached Mt. Tong’lu. so if baby boy is in terrible condition, barely hanging on, etc., then my immediate favorite option is that he doesn’t, at that time, have even the...uh threadbare sense of self he did in life/as Wuming and is running on only a vague and urgent sense of Something driving him—something he has to do, someone he has to serve—and in that case, the paintings and sculptures are part of his trying to piece together and process his memories as he can grasp them and figuring out who he is/what his purpose is. Is this canonical? PROBABLY NOT. and yet here i am. firmly planted on this hill

Also w/ MTL I think a thing that’s often skated over is the mortals, creation of E’ming, and his ascension. Which is important from a meta lens of Hua Cheng and Xie Lian vs Jun Wu but that’s not the point of this rambling monstrosity and i’m trying not to get too distracted. ANYWAY I think this is one of those times when Hua Cheng does something that he would probably excuse as like “well His Highness would’ve wanted me to” or “His Highness wouldn’t have been willing to sacrifice the mortals” because Xie Lian is still largely his moral compass—but it also is a peek at the complexity Hua Cheng doesn’t acknowledge within himself.

uh i got distracted anyway and no longer know what point i was making here. Hua Cheng Ascension Important....maybe i will remember this at some other point...

POINT 4: Live For Me (Revisited)

I sort of got distracted writing that point but anyway coming back to it now: I maintain that although Hua Cheng’s primary pursuit is protecting and serving Xie Lian he also does develop/realize his Accidental Personhood throughout his 800 years. this includes a lot of things, as previously stated, that are under the guise of serving Xie Lian (I’d put learning the Banyue tongue, finding out about the Gilded Banquet, collecting swords, beating the 33 officials etc., in this category) and things that maybe could be but...are not really (e.g., his friendship alliance with He Xuan, Paradise Manor* in general, the Gambling Den, learning the Wuyong tongue, bullying Qi Rong*, bullying FengQing*, playing with gold foil palaces, etc.)

(*these are ones that like...could be said to be for Xie Lian and I think he might say are for Xie Lian but also have a personal element that is just for him. 

Like yes Paradise Manor is a lavish and well-stocked residence fit for a god or crown prince...but it’s also a luxurious and extravagant collection of all the things he couldn’t have in life. it’s like giving a kid a credit card with no limit and letting them run wild through uh. Fuck. A Fancy Department Store. 

And sure Qi Rong was awful and turned on Xie Lian in pretty damning ways, but I also genuinely think part of Hua Cheng’s grudge with him is from the childhood abuse and from just...hatred that Qi Rong is around and looks like Xie Lian and gets to be there when Hua Cheng can’t find Xie Lian (which is about  Xie Lian but for Hua Cheng). 

Similarly with FengQing, sure a lot of his hate is for them abandoning Xie Lian—but he doesn’t even know till Book 3 when they abandoned him, and consider how much more he hates Mu Qing, the guy he blames for kicking him out of the army, etc. Some of it is totally “in service” to Xie Lian but some of it is because Hua Cheng carries a grudge like a goddamn pro and finds catharsis in beating the shit out of immortals who bounce back and can’t stop tripping over themselves and onto his blade.)

[beecampbell]

hello! sorry for bothering you, but I'm curious. I haven't watched supernatural in like maybe 5 years, maybe more, and haven't really been following the actors either. can you please explain why people hate Jared so much? what happened? I keep seeing all the hate posts and people celebrating j2 potential falling out but I'm so confused lmao 😅

Hi! Good morning. I'll try to be as clear and concise as possible, going from his smallest offense to his worst.

Jared is widely thought to be, especially in the later seasons, a passable actor at best and mediocre at worst. His performances got extremely repetitive and uninteresting. We like to dunk on him about that.

On set, Jared was a true nuisance to both the team behind the camera and other actors. When you watch bloopers, once again from the later seasons in particular, it's clear that he is the instigator most of the time and cannot for the life of him stay focused and serious. He took things too far to the point of annoying almost everyone who worked with him, delaying scenes, playing dangerous pranks, touching his co-workers inappropriately, etc. You could argue some of it is funny, like the "ball handler" debacle or whatever, but it gets all extremely tired after a bit. Just fucking act the scene man, you're not a comedian.

He also used to use Twitter to shit on service people he didn't like and bash them as well as the establishments they worked at, as if that's normal behavior for a grown man in the public sphere.

Now for the more, I guess, intense stuff. Jared is known for his bouts of anger and his violent temper. He has assaulted a bartender in 2019 and allegedly tried to bribe the police officers as soon as they showed up on the scene. This whole situation got us this wonderful mugshot.

(I hate that I have this picture on my phone now)

There are a bunch of other things I'm probably forgetting, and other things I simply can't bring myself to think about. For exemple, he mocked Phillip Seymour Hoffman for... Dying I guess? He's just vile.

Cons are too embarrassing for me to watch, but I'm sure he's insufferable during those too.

Now for what has happened last night, Jensen and Danneel announced that they were going to produce a Supernatural prequel about John and Mary, something everyone was both confused and slightly angry about at first, but then it turned great when Jared began explaining publicly on twitter that he had no idea that this was happening and that he was quite sad about it, or in his words, gutted. He obviously wasn't made aware or asked to participate in the project, which does sound strange considering he was one of the leads on this godforsaken show for its entire run. It's fair to believe that the people participating in the project didn't think it necessary or interesting in any way to have him collaborate on it. Jensen and Jared are known to be quite good friends, so this obviously came as a shock to Jared, but many of us already believed they had been drifting apart (this is known as the J2 fallout theory). Now though, we know it wasn't just a theory, and something is truly amiss. If there wasn't a previous fallout and this was nothing but a misunderstanding, Jared made sure to create the problem on his own with his big fucking mouth.

Thank you for asking! Felt great to talk shit about him, I hate him a lot ♥️