#i'm somehow more active on my reblog account.....

[lorogy662]

I'm sorry I haven't been posting 😭😭😭 I haven't been drawing much and I keep consistently forgetting that I'm allowed to post more doodle-ish stuff on here 😭😭 I'll start posting more soon hopefully I promise 😭😭😭

[markscherz]

Can I ask how you feel about your Tumblr fame?

I get the impression you just made this account for normal casual funsies reasons, but it kinda blew up by happenstance. If that's right, I'm curious if now you feel like it's kind of a more serious thing, where you have an opportunity to sorta act as a science communicator with a reach you otherwise might not?

Or maybe something else? You gonna see if you can somehow leverage your Tumblr fame to get research funding? Deputize us to harass polluters and developers destroying habitats? Crowdsource name ideas for new species?

It's a bit bizarre, in that it has very little real-world-ness to it. I showed my mother the ongoing tumblr celebrity poll, and she was like 'how many people could possibly be interested in frogs?', to which I replied 'well as of today about 46,000 and counting'.

I have always had an unhealthy relationship with fame. I spent most of my teen and young adult life fawning after it, as is I suppose very often the case.

More after the cut…

I always really wanted to be famous, but I was never really interested in changing who I was or what I represented in that pursuit. That is to say, I wanted to be known for what I was already doing, or for things that were already interesting for me, rather than things that might have much higher chances of success but require more effort or be less in line with the things that I am interested in.

I had my first brush with virality in 2012, when a poem I wrote went a little viral (largely thanks to StumbleUpon). I remember the rush of seeing how much attention it was getting, and staying up late to keep refreshing the page as the visitor numbers went up and up and up.

But not long after that, I had some closer encounters with fame and people becoming famous. That was extremely eye-opening. I witnessed first hand how strongly that can affect someone's life, for good and for bad. That experience also made me realise, quite jarringly, that famous people are still just people; that celebrity is something extrinsic to them; that they also wipe their own butts (if they are able); and that in many cases, it is a substantial inconvenience if not downright pain in the ass for them. I think this is why we see so many of the big celebrities having mental health crises or trying to live as much of their lives out of the public eye as possible.

That experience pretty much stifled my desire to achieve fame, and really changed my relationship with it. I should add that I could say much more on this topic, but nothing so coherent or insightful as John and Hank Green, who have given me so much clarity on this topic over the years through their thoughtful commentary on youtube and their podcasts.

Anyway, in spite of the fact that fame itself doesn't really appeal to me anymore, I do still have a problem wherein I quickly became addicted to the microdosing of euphoria associated with every reblog and like and follow. So I put huge efforts into social media in order to try to gain traction in the space that I felt I could really compete in—Very Niche SciComm™—and build up a following.

Tumblr was the first platform where I felt that really succeed; I managed to fight my way to a few thousand followers with a thick queue of regular posts about herpetology and other science. At that time, there was a great community building up in the rudimentary private messaging system—I am still friends with several other tumblr bloggers from that era (none of whom I have ever met in person). From that early time (2013), I think my most successful post was probably this one about germination of 32,000 year old seeds—a post that, as of today, has 836 notes, but at the time felt huge and exhilarating.

As I went through gradschool, I got more and more active on twitter, and less and less active on tumblr (by the time I wound down, I had about 8,000 followers on tumblr). This was partly because of the pornbot takeover on tumblr, which meant I basically could not go on the platform in public or at work, but also because the audience and interactions are just fundamentally different. Twitter had a different kind of vibe and energy than tumblr, and there were real SciComm experts there, who were doing it just completely differently. More importantly, I became more focussed on doing outreach aimed at colleagues, rather than non-experts.

Then, in 2017, I hit headlines for the first time. The description of Geckolepis megalepis made it big on social and traditional media, and I had my first experience with real media attention. I had a flurry of late-night phone-calls with journalists in the US. This was a different animal altogether than the few viral posts I had had until that point. It was extremely stressful, but exhilarating. Then in 2018, our chameleon fluorescence story made similar headlines, and in 2019 the Mini frogs, and in 2021 with gecko fluorescence and the smallest chameleon.

Seeing my name on the BBC News website and in the New York Times and National Geographic—those things have been the most surreal moments of near-fame I have experienced so far. The number of followers on social media is quite difficult to conceptualise, but seeing your own name in a media outlet that you consume regularly, or have grown up with, is more palpable.

In any case, I continued to run with twitter as my main platform for years, because I found the interaction with colleagues and other academics highly stimulating. In 2021, I even posted a twitter thread about a different species of frog from Madagascar every day for the full year. All this work was ultimately greeted with mediocre success; I just crested over 10,000 followers a few months before the Musth takeover. But then the platform became basically unusable. And in the fallout, I came back to tumblr, where, just by chance, I happened to find a post about the Mini frogs and reply to it and it went properly viral and now here we are. In the space of a year, I went from having 8000 followers to having >46,000.

How do I feel about that? It's bonkers. I think it is great that so many people are interested in hearing the Good News about frogs and other creatures. But I also feel like I am not really on the same playing field as most of the others in that poll mentioned above, in that I do not have any of the celebrity that several others have. And I know for a fact that there are fanblogs with far, far larger followings than I have. But perhaps that is the great thing about tumblr; that the playing field is somehow levelled…

What's the point of this ramble? Well, first I guess it is to outline that I have given fame a lot of thought over the years, and I have a long-standing and complicated relationship with it, and take it quite seriously. Second, to illustrate that I have been working on as a science communicator or person in outreach for many years—it has kind of been my social media brand since I started gradschool in 2013. And third, to kind of outline how we got here, because I often feel like you have to know where an arrow has come from in order to figure out which direction it will continue to fly.

You asked if I would somehow try to leverage my tumblr fame to get research funding—I already do that. In fact, my social media activity had a signfiicant role in landing me my current job, and will continue to help me achieve tenure. Outreach is an important part of my job, and funders like it too.

I would love to have the community-building power and tenacity of the brothers Green; Nerdfighteria has achieved some incredible things over the years, and the power of that community is now being seen at an unprecedented scale in their battle for equitable access for tuberculosis diagnosis and treatment. But I do not have that in me; this platform is the wrong one for community activation, and my community is still too small for that. Moreover, it is not organised or structured, in the way that I think effective deputisation would require.

As for the crowdsourcing of name ideas, that is currently off the table. I like to try to name things on my own or with my colleauges; it is a very good part of the process. And I have yet to hear a suggestion for a Mini species epithet that I had not already come up with myself, so I am not convinced that this would really augment the experience.

So for now, I hope that the main way I use the platform, and the power that comes with a few thousand followers, will be to spread the Good News about frogs and other wonderful animals, and the other kinds of science happening around us (and occasional other off-topic content). I hope that you are encouraged to explore the world around you, and to do your own reading to find out more about the subjects that interest you. And also I will continue to try to make meme-worthy content, because it does nice, if addictive, things in my brain when I get the clicks.

Thanks for asking, anon, and sorry for the Wall of Text.

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi! Neve sent an ask before, so I don't know how this works, but I'll chip in an obligatory I love your account; your reblogs especially were very helpful for my character casts! I'm currently working on a short-ish story where one of my main protagonists falls for a black woman. Their relationship is supposed to have conflicts, but ultimately they're endgame and supposed to be a genuine example of true love. But the thing is, I'm a white woman. I've searched a fair amount of your posts, but I haven't found anything on interracial relationships (Correct me if I've missed it!) What are things you noticed/dislike about how interracial relationships are portrayed in current media? And what are common harmful tropes/misconceptions included in them? I apologize if this subject derails from the conversation, but there's not many places I can find info on this topic, so I might as well ask here:!

Hello! Please capitalize Black when sending me asks. I'll put it on my pinned post, just so everyone is aware.

Tbh, this was likely one I was going to do a full lesson on at some point, so for now, I can give you some points of things that I personally don't like and/or find problematic or distasteful. Also, I've discussed these things in my lessons, particularly 3, 4, and 6. Please refer to my pinned post.

1. When the White partner is always the desirable one.

Black people are attractive, are sexy, have charisma, allure, endearing traits. It's gotten quite old that the partner that's always doing the chasing, regardless of their own quality of character, is the Black character. Maybe the White partner should be putting in the work!

2. An offshoot of that is that the White partner is described as being beautiful and attractive... Because they're White.

Now many people may not realize they're perpetuating this white supremacist belief, but when you're emphasizing "pale" (when we know you mean white) and light, thin hair, colorful eyes and other European beauty standards as what makes them the most attractive person in this story (versus mousy brown hair and tanned skin and plain brown eyes), you're implying that everything else is somehow less than. Especially when their partner is Black. If you're not putting in that much effort to describe the beauty and or marvel of the Black partner and character... It reveals your (however unconscious) beliefs!

3. How the White character is the "weaker", "more gentle", "purer" one.

This tends to happen with White women and white gay men characters. The idea that the Black character is inherently stronger, larger, more brutish, in need of being tamed... It's rooted in racism. Sometimes the White character could wait hand and foot on the Black one to show love and devotion 🤷🏾‍♀️ maybe it's the White character that needs to get their shit together 🤷🏾‍♀️ Black men characters can be masculine and gentle too. Black women characters can be softhearted and strong too. We are as capable of nuance as anyone else.

4. The idea that the Black character is meant to help the White one unlearn racism.

Now this is a touchy one. Because on the one hand, there's obviously going to be learning about culture and exchange in an interracial relationship. It's not wrong to have your Black character point things out to your white one, to help them be a better person bc they're in love and they need to understand and love and respect their partner's Blackness. Preferably they'd already know everything, but that's society. It's an active process.

But... There's this idea that somehow racism will be overcome because "love", and that's just not true. I personally don't think it's very romantic for a racist white woman to meet a Black man and through the story the message is "oh I learned how to see his humanity as we fell in love!" That's not... Cute to me. It is not hot in any way to have some guy or girl find my humanity and I'm supposed to thank and love them for that. That's the bare minimum. I'll respect them when they put in the work to show that they're unlearning, and when they get to a safe point, I'll be like okay. Certainly not "oh she's racist now but I know there's a good heart in there" noooo not really.

5. Every interracial relationship with a white person is not gonna result in a light-skinned baby.

Oohhoohoo I can't wait to elaborate on this one next lesson. 😈

These are my main ones. If any other Black fans have any opinions to add, I'd love to hear them!

[burnt-to-cynders]

Alright, time to actually make one of these for real, since this is looooong overdue. Hi! I'm Cynthia! I'm...a lot of things, and I struggle to describe them without it feeling inadequate! I play games, I write software for a living, I write non-software things for fun occasionally, I'm wildly horny, neurodivergent, a massive nerd who constantly wishes she knew more about everything.

Property of: @synthbang and @stalesweetrolls

Let's start with some ID stuff, I'm a pre-HRT(for now!!!) transfem, I go by she/they/it pronouns. My friends call me any fun variation of my name they can come up with, like Cyn, Cyndy, Cyndicate, etc. If we're mutuals, we're friends :3. I'm white, American(New England), poly, t4t, atheist, wildly sapphic, and physically, but not visibly, disabled.

As for interests, I've got literal dozens. Gaming, anime, manga, movies, writing, reading, music, pole dancing, ttrgps, game design, hiking, conservation, activism, fashion, just to name a few, each of which splinters into dozens of little sub-interests. Ask me a dragonball question, I dare you.

Actually, ask me any kind of question. Asks are open all the time and so are anons. Go wild ya horny fools

FOLKS WHO ARE NOT WELCOME (DNIs)

Minors

Seriously, minors, this blog is very horny

Ageless blogs

Sissy kink blogs

Race and ageplayers

SIDEBLOGS

I have two sideblogs atm, although in actuality there's just one that's even remotely active.

@den-of-cyn is where I used to do my hornyposting. The big thing that's there now is the pinned post with a list of my kinks, for those of you interested in the horny side of the Cynner. The account got flagged as NSFT and I haven't been able to get that revoked yet, and moreover I decided to stop worrying about it and just started posting horny on main anyway. There's quite a few good ones on there that I haven't reblogged to here, and a few pics I haven't reposted, so if you somehow don't get enough horny nonsense on this page, you can always go there to see some vintage Cyn >:3

@thebookofcyn is my writing sideblog. It's where all my original stuff will one day live, when I get the spoons to put all my old stuff on it. It is SFT FOR NOW, IT WILL NOT BE IN THE FUTURE! Soon there will be a pinned post there explaining my tags and how to find stories. I'm hoping to post more there as time goes on and I actually embrace this hobby more.

TAGS

I layer my tags and usually don't do content tags, and I don't tag reblogs except to do responses. The tags that mean things on this blog are as follows:

#cynposting - Any post by me that has text outside of tags, including reblog replies. Searching this tag will get you everything I've written in text on this blog.

#cynful thoughts - Any post I think is horny. You can filter for this post if you want to see me being a degenerage, or filter it out if you'd rather not.

#pics of the cynner - Any picture of myself, pretty self explanatory. Most are accompanied by #cynful thoughts

#Cyn fits - pics of myself taken specifically to show off an outfit and explain why I chose it for that day.

#I asked - Reblog of an ask that I sent someone

#ask and ye shall receive - Tag for when I answer an ask

#get tagged idiot - Tag for when the only content of a post is me @ -ing someone in the reblog.

#pinned post - Last one, tag for the previous pinned posts I've made. This should be the last one. In theory.

And that's it!!!! For now. Probably. I'm a wordy bitch, so I expect this'll get longer and longer.

[candycharmss]

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷‧₊˚💕 ‧₊˚ I HAD THIS FEELING, AS I WAS FALLING ~ . . .

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷‧₊˚💕 ‧₊˚ THE SOUND 'CROSS THE BAY, WAS THE SOUND OF YOU CALLING ~ . . .

INFO UNDER THE CUT ~ !

Hey hi! My name is Dew!! I’m just a silly guy that’s just here to talk about my silly little f/os!! You know how it is!!! I know my account is empty (mainly bc i am so nervous to be entering this place again ahA...) but I promise you I’m gonna be pretty much active here, just like i was on my main! I figured maybe a side blog would be nicer, plus I can yap way more ehehe. 💕

Oh yea my main is @candycoffinss HE/she pronouns! ʚ♡ɞ Genderfluid ʚ♡ɞ Gay ʚ♡ɞ Adult

I will warn you though, this blog is VERY horror/gore themed, I love spooky stuff! So be cautious pls <3

Please no doubles D: … nothing personal I promise!!! It just kinda makes me feel not so great :( this might change we’ll see :L…

... Since I am an adult, so there might be the occasional suggestive post but I will be tagging it as #suggestive and #suggestive cw so I’d like to politely ask for minors to block it! Or anyone who’s uncomfortable, really. But I promise there won’t be a bunch! Maybe just funny memes. :P!

I have a bunch of f/os… like, a lot.. But my main focuses are these fellas!!

💫 Arthur D4venp0rt from 4rt 0f M0re! I like to say I'm his #1 bf because I'm sure almost nobody else has rlly heard of this show ehehe <33 I just started watching it and I decided he'd be a f/o of mine!!!! He's a cutie <33. The ship name is Chocolate Coins! He has a lot of money so i thought it'd make sense. :3 Aannnddd for tags... |♡|🎨 ~ YOUR SONG ! 🎨 ✎ . . . My sweetheart <3 💫 Sc0tt T1bbs from the S4w franchise! Admittedly I haven’t seen a bunch of love for him but I figured that I could provide that <3 besides, he’s such a cool guy :3 the ship name for him and my s/i or oc is Rockcandy and his tags are |♡|🎸 ~ KILLSHOT ! 🎸 ✎ . . . My rockstar <3 💫 St4nford P1nes from Gr4vity F4lls! Chat… Chat he is so kind… I’ve liked him for FOREVER and now I can be open about it!!! Yay!! The ship name is Dewford or Smarties! Can you tell I like candy themes? His tags are |♡|✋ ~ HE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE ! ✋ ✎ . . . My nerd <3

Sooo yeah! There’s some other ones, but they’re all on my carrd! Yippee!!!

What else do I put… um…

OH! Tags.. Tags!! Let's see here... AHA!

⚰️ ✎ . . . Dew's Coffin - Me talking! Just simply thinking of stuff :3

🦴 ✎ . . . Dew's Bones - Art tag!! Yay!!

🧠 ✎ . . . Dew's Brain - Thoughts!! Maybe F/O imagines!! We'll see!

🫀 ✎ . . . Dew's Heart - F/O gushing :33 ehehehehehhe

🦷 ✎ . . . Dew's Teeth - Fanart/gift tag! Of course I'm not forcing this but just in case it's needed ;P, I've somehow managed to get a bunch of fanart in general so ahA--

🪦 ✎ . . . Dew's Gravestone - Reblog game responses!

🩸 ✎ . . . Dew's Blood - Suggestive posts

👻 ✎ . . . Dew's Hauntings - Asks! Ur all my little ghosts :3

SINCE THE BOOK OF BILL HAS BECOME MORE POPULAR I FIGURED MAYBE I SHOULD SAY THIS:: DONT TALK AB IT IF YOU SHIP BILLFORD! nothing personal, I just get uncomfortable! You're still good to interact just please don't tag anything I post as billford please! <3 Proshippers don’t talk to me, you’re all stinky as hell smh >:L same with just general dni criteria. Don’t be a freak man, it’s not that hard :( Also DNI if you're like, a comshipper or if you're that kinda freak that likes abusive stuff like girlypop... no.... Also zoophiles, necrophiles, etc. I've had the displeasure of having followers of that so :/ never again, never again... youch... Also if you're anti-lgbtq, homophobic, transphobic, yadda yadda... Yeah no, not on my BLOG >:/

[donnerpartyofone]

7, 17, 27, 37, 47, 57

Woah, thanks for all the numbers! I did 7 in the previous post, but let's see:

17. "opinion on insecurities" hahaha, I didn't even read all of these before I reblogged that thing! My most immediate reaction is that sometimes when you're trying to have an honest reckoning with your flaws and handicaps, people tell you you're just being insecure, and this is one of the central frustrations of my entire existence. If you're forced to constantly pretend that you're awesome and capable of anything, it makes it a lot harder to come to terms with what isn't working. But everyone has insecurities I think, they're probably unavoidable. I guess some people base their entire personality around an insecurity and that's not great, but I think the only thing to do is to try to be honest and lucid about your weaknesses. That's the only point you can proceed from.

27. If I gave you a real accounting of all the things I hate, you would regret it! It's a lot of things, TOO MANY things. I'll just pick one for now: I hate movies about characters who are sort of reclusive, where other characters mob up on them and force them to participate in society as if this is a great gift, as if all human beings want the same thing and that thing is extreme amounts of attention and activity, as if no human being could possibly just enjoy their own company and some peace and quiet. There are a lot of variations on this theme but a good example is THE STATION AGENT. I was like, what the fuck, leave that guy alone!

37. Hmm I also have a lot of favorite actors since I spend most of my time watching movies. Last night I rewatched the incredible THE WORLD'S GREATEST SINNER and I was thinking about how Timothy Carey is like Nicolas Cage before Nicolas Cage, like they're descended from the same stock somehow. They even look alike to me. And then I was thinking about how Michael Moriarty has that same kind of manic, improvisational energy, and all three men are tall. Actually Nic Cage isn't as tall as I always think he is, but Moriarty is 6'3" and Carey was a little over. So Timothy Carey and Nicolas Cage have more similar faces, but Michael Moriarty and Timothy Carey are more the same height. I do not know what this is meant to prove.

47. "Turn ons," eh? I'm prejudicially inclined toward people who are really smart and articulate, but I also like it when people are strangely naive and sweet. I like hairy, vascular forearms and hands, and glasses, and widow's peaks. I like people who have obsessions. I'm totally straight but I'm fascinated by tough, androgynous women and tomboys. I like men who look like weird movie villains. I am attracted to basically all weird movie villains.

But now I want to volunteer one "turn off" from #48, which is that I have zero tolerance for people who are really into deliriously dysfunctional sadomasochistic relationships. Which is what most media will tell you is "true love" or something, and it does look pretty good from the outside, I mean who doesn't want to dissolve into a morbid, swooning obsession? But having experienced a couple of those things, it became very clear to me that they are essentially infantile, ugly, and stupid, and people who insist on that dynamic are like a baby who cries over their shitty diaper and pisses in your face when you try to change it for them. I almost miss being able to enjoy that type of libidinous delirium, but the whole thought of it just makes me sick now. People who pretend to be vampires are never as cool as they want you to think they are.

57. My favorite animal is all reptiles. I like a lot of animals, but reptiles and amphibians more than anything. Right now I'm doing this study of Italian cannibal movies which I knew were full of animal cruelty, but somehow I managed to forget that reptiles seem to get the worst of it. :(

[rgbcn]

Heyy

I love ur work I rlly do

One thing I want to know is that what made u think to start posting ur fanfics or ur art both of them are awesome..

Also I wanted to ask are there any authors u suggest and um some1 maybe who has little audience and deserves their work to he shown I support new writers..

Thank you so much! It makes me happy to know you enjoy my work!

To be honest all started when I discovered fanfiction existed, I didn't know that was a thing, I had 35 years old and was the first time I heard about fanfics. I started reading, became obsessed, created a tumblr account, the fandom was so active, so alive!!! Everyone was contributing, reacting, it was so wonderful, I felt I also wanted to contribute somehow, and I did a drawing here, another there, people freaked out, even if I cringe with my old fanart now, and everything went too fast, I had so much fun that I started drawing almost daily and posting here, IG etc. that was 2015. I remember my first drawing posted here was a Mayim portrait I did because I needed to calm down because my father in law was in the hospital for a heart attack (he is fine now), and that calmed me, drawing, I was like in a 10 years pause of drawing anything, when it was a passion I had before. So everything scaled from there. People requested me drawings, I enjoyed drawing for fanfic authors. Some people took advantage of me tho... but aside of that it was super fun. Also we got the Shamy break up so the fandom was exploding with everything! I remember working 9-5 job, going to training (I was in a roller skating team that competed internationally) and finishing at almost midnight and THEN was when I drew portraits. I finished at 3-4am and tried to sleep. or read some fics. I was too obsessed.

When the proposal happened, and it was hiatus, I read some fics, nobody told the version I was thinking of, so I wrote mine. And that was the starting of writing.

And now I want to do comics or fanficomics, tell my stories in drawings. and I hope there's still people who would like to see those,, because everything had changed so much in the fandom... but I'm glad there's still people around enjoying my drawings and fics!!!

And I've started to see some Shamy fanart around here that I've been enjoying so so much, so keep an eye to my reblogs! I thought the fandom was quite dead in terms of fanart, at least the ones I knew from years ago that drew tbbt fanart stopped doing it, I didn't see a lot of stuff on instagram, here I was a little disconnected due motherhood so forgive me if there were artists active and I didn't see them.

So happy to see new (for me) artists posting more tbbt and Shamy fanart!

I might have talked a little too much, but oh well, posting it anyway.

Hugs!

[alligatorjesie]

Hey that's alright you can block me as much as you like but it wont change anything man. You said some shit things so I'm going to say some shit things to you.

You know what that's fine we can just repost that whole comment so people can see what a shitass you are @blessyouhawkeye

Hey real quick you do realize that reylo is just a really vanilla ass enemies-to-lovers ship if you have a problem with it well good luck man this shit is literally everywhere in media.

Almost like it's a popular trope. Have you never watched a rom com? Woof. I got some news for you brosph.

but you know what since we're on the tangent of 'weird people' in fandoms let's talk about that for a moment.

You wanna know what's weird? There's a lot of finnreys in the reblogs acting positively feral about their ship not being canon

(which idk I watched TRoS that was pretty open ended if your still mad about reylo by the end of that movie that shits on you)

and upset they don't have book deals like the reylos but IDK man maybe the reason finnreys ain't got book deals is because they spend all their time online bitching about how their ship got shafted instead of writing that fucking fanfiction.

You know when the reylos got shafted with the shit show that was EP9 instead of spending the next 3 years complaining they just trucked along in their own fucking sandbox completing their own fucking projects for their own fucking friends.

Fuck Disney we'll make our own reylo with blackjack and hookers and sex scenes.

You mean to tell us you've had more problems with reylos who were just excited to see the story concepts they predicted from The Force Awakens coming true in The Last Jedi and making positive content to reflect that joy compared to the actual nazis on YouTube who flood the platforms with 3 hour long hate videos over how Bree Larson is somehow personally responsible for their dicks falling off?

You remember that one time ethan van sciver said he wanted to kill Chinese people? He's a really popular star wars/comic book YouTuber and he's way more problematic than anyone I've ever met in the reylo fandom.

And guess what he also hates reylo what a shock!

You wanna talk about some unhinged weird behavior allow me to direct you at a rabid finnrey who has told me graphically to kill myself at least 5 times now for the sin of enjoying the wrong part of star wars according to them.

That shits fucking unhinged

Here's some of those death threats these are 100% real by the way:

Obviously Death Threat Warning some of these are quite gnarly.

This user still has an active account.

I've reported them several times but I sometimes feel like the only thing that will get you banned on this hellsite is being trans I swear to fucking god.

This user has spent over 7 years shit posting hate directly into the reylo fandom's tag instead of doing literally anything else to make their own fandom more enjoyable for themselves.

That's weird shit.

What has been hellish is being in this fandom for over 9 years and dealing with the amount of uncalled for vitriol at this very fucking plain flavor baby's first enemies-to-lovers ship.

I only started keeping track of the death threats back in September 2022

It's not even been a full 2 years and I'm nearing 1000.

This is the header for my Tumblr. This is a real number by the way I have every death threat I've gotten since starting this documented on my computer.

It's actually 955 because thepettycunt here just sent me a new death threat so now I gotta update the banner.

fun!

One day I'll make a master post.

Today is not that day.

But let's be very honest here the real number of death threats I've personally gotten are well into multiple thousands across multiple platforms over 9 years.

Just for enjoying reylo.

And I'm a furry and have been since the 90s. I'm use to being told to kill myself from strangers on the internet so color me confused when I join this really basic bitch of a fandom ship only to find the hate towards it somehow fucking worse.

That's some fucking weird unhinged shit.

I know you made this shit post just to be a shit poster so don't take this too personally I'm sure at this point you already think I'm unhinged and rightfully so

maybe I am

but after the 100th death threat I just stopped giving a fuck so you'll just have to forgive me but it's real buck ass wild to be called 'weird' when I've never sent death threats to people over fictional ships and none of my reylo friends have done that shit either but I am almost 99% sure if you look though the history of any single person who reblogged this post bitching about reylo you'll find they have a history of doing that shit.

You can pick any one. Odds are they have anti reylo posts going years back and at worst some of them have straight up told people in this fandom to kill themselves.

I can look through YOUR history OP and see You're a huge pile of shit towards reylos!

Go on pick one out at random and have a go. It's a fun horrible way to spend a afternoon.

And before anyone brings it up because people who hate reylo always do;

'what about that one time reylos harassed John Boye-'

a group of women telling John Boyega the things he's saying are sexist towards his female coworker who had already been harassed off social media a few years prior and asking him to do better isn't the harassment you think it is.

You can find that 'reaction' video John made to the reylos on google and watch it yourself. No one is being racist but they are all asking him to stop making sex jokes on his female coworkers behalf and expressing disappointment in him. In fact he even had to reused quite a few of the quotes because I think about halfway through making the video he realized he just didn't have that much material and the things people were saying were pretty fucking mild.

And I'm not sorry. Asking a adult man to hold himself accountable for the shit he says is not on the same level as the far fucking worse shit the over arching star wars fandom has done well before reylo was even a twinkle in anyone's eye

Lastly one more thing and I'm done I swear and I'm going to apologize in advance because I'm gonna sound really spicy and I guess I kinda am but not in a mean way more in a really fucking confused way

but what the fuck do you mean jenny nicholsons reylo videos are unhinged?

They're the fucking same as the rest of her videos.

Is there something less unhinged about a nearly 4 hour long video about a failed fantasy RPG theme park over a 1 hour long video about how star wars episode 9 was absolute dogshit?

Jenny makes cringe videos about cringe shit. That's her brand.

She's voiced her enjoyment of reylo very early on... I think back in The Force Awakens days? So why are you surprised she would talk about the subject at length in detail? She bought a stuffed porg larger than herself and documented collecting it on video for her channel.

Yeah man she probably likes reylo.

Most people who like TLJ do.

What... what the fuck do you mean her reylo videos specific are unhinged?

I'm sorry but if known racist and sexist YouTuber doomcock can spend 6 hours complaining about TLJ because Rey don't make his dick hard like Luke Skywalker does and he's going to make his refusal to reflect on that issue our fucking problem I don't think Jenny is unhinged for complaining about the inarguably bad movie that was the rise of skywalker for less time than the movie's total runtime.

I'm not even mad I'm just really confused by your statement.

[szampers]

very nice to see an active szpd-focused blog that is not...for lack of a better term...Edgy. many schizoid blogs i've come across really play up the whole "void" aesthetic+while i'm sure it's true+meaningful for them, i don't relate to it+am not interested in the theatrics of it at all. you're doing good work by creating a space dedicated to exploring+discussing szpd+related concepts without the pervasive nihilistic trappings that have turned me off from most others. i want to discuss living with szpd, not surrendering to it! salute o7

(feel free not to answer this publicly/at all if it comes off as needlessly dismissive to that genre of blog. i can't tell if i'm being "mean," and i can't not mention it, because not mentioning it would entirely miss what i appreciate so much about this blog)

Hi I'll use this ask as an opportunity to tell a bit more about this blog and other stuff !!

I run this blog partly for the sake of others. Anything I share here is not only done as a way to voice my thoughts, but also in hopes that someone would find something they can relate to, or even comfort as i have after discovering there are people dealing with Very Similar Situations which i know as The Szpd. for the longest time i never had any points of comparison for myself while knowing the average person likely wouldn’t impose total isolation and a chronic vow of silence on themselves among other average person things. It was a state of knowing something was off but never being able to put a finger on what exactly. I felt szpd was already as hidden as it is so I figured someone has to try and keep the awareness going. This way I'm also putting all these thoughts to good use.

Your ask pretty much validates the reason why I created this blog!! thank you it means a lot to read this.

And whether someone chooses to focus more negatively or positively on szpd, they’re all valid! Since szpd isn’t known for its pretty sides as with all other pd’s and conditions, that does make it very easy to be fixated on the nasty parts, especially if all it does is making your life miserable. if this has brought me any kind of joy then I wouldn't notice. I'd say the main danger is the risk of being consumed by the misery and getting trapped in a vicious circle.

But yeah. it would be very, very strange if you were to think positively of things like this. I suppose it's one way to tell if you're somehow faking it. The realistic thing to do is to come to good terms with it. Hard, but possible enough.

I have seen another post calling out the focus mainly placed on negativity which I've yet to reblog. They phrased it really well in a blunt way, it's arguably one of the most motivating szpd post I've read. Being trapped in narrow sighted ways of thinking isn't something I want even though nothing about this is easy. This is why I consciously try not to let my writing become full blown complaints or be saturated with pain and misery, while it's very easy to indulge myself into such things. I keep in mind to make my writing productive in some way or another. I'm pretty awful at this in my own journal but it works much better if people could be reading!! being held accountable this way which is pretty cool.

[xanderhasreturnedm]

I'm finally back after a few months

If you don't remember me I am

@xanderwascaught

This account doesn't exist anymore.. But, this account does.

This account's rules are.

No dramatic things

No bullying

No N-S-F-W

You can share drawings

You can reblog (I was thinking to not consider this but I would want it in because.. Well idk I just thought it'd be ok

Do NOT steal my art especially because these days my art takes about 2-3 days unlike before it takes me minutes

If you want the ideas please credit me

This blog is a friendly blog so I don't want bad things in it

If you send me a hate ask or someone a hate ask, I will immediately BLOCK you, because as I said, I don't want any bad drama in my blog.

There will be events in this blog.

And if your somehow a user that found my blog, here are somethings about me

🌸🍄🍁Things about me🌸🍄🍁

I am 16

I am spoken for(I am already in a relationship)

I am barely active so please don't expect me to post often

I have an older brother that is in collage (Xavier ^^)

I am not new to Tumblr, I have been in Tumblr for 1 year I think, because I keep changing accounts

I am actually a nice person if you get to know me more

This introduction post will be updated if needed thank you for understanding :)

[0junemeatcleaver0]

Anonsense: A Deconstruction of a Bad Faith Argument

I honestly don't know why I'm even posting this. Will it be helpful for people who don't know how to immediately clock a bad faith argument? The people pleasers who might feel compelled to answer every anon no matter what? I hope so.

Do I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet after being woken up at 4am because I forgot to silence my phone only to see this bullshit after living through the most stressful week of my fucking life?? Also yes.

Whatever. At best this is a learning moment, at worst it's an opportunity to point and laugh at someone who thinks they deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for failing at being real pussy cunt-cunt in a stranger's inbox.

I am confused. You haven't watched the show but you hate the show...? Correct! You can, in fact, hate a thing you've only gotten a taste of. I saw the trailer (you know, the thing networks release to get you interested in a show?) and didn't care for what they were doing. That opinion was only cemented when I saw the ridiculous clip of Louis chasing a fucking goat around.

Something fans of colour especially black fans talk of so enthusiastically and fondly? You're right, VC fans of color are all a monolith and all enjoy the show. And the fact that I--a rando white person--hate the show is mortally wounding to them all. This is in no way infantalizing to fans of color, to imply that I somehow have enough power as some random person to ruin their good time by making posts about how silly I think this show is--posts I don't tag so that fans of the show don't have to see them.

And these fans aren't always show onlies. I know. I've talked to a few of them. They seem nice.

Idk if this ask is going to come off as bait Yes you do. You absolutely know that. And if you didn't know that, that was your clue to go back to the drawing board re: how to phrase what you meant in a good faith way.

-think of it as you will How kind of you. Thanks for the permission.

but this...you realize this comes off as some type of way, don't you? Only to the people who are actively looking to be upset, yes. And I don't care about those people. They are not of my concern.

You have had an ask that you published where the anon says they don't care that "certain demographics" of people are loving AMC. That's very very sus. 'Very very sus'. Am I suddenly on Twitter? Anyway. You do realize that book-only fans are constantly accused of belittling all show fans no matter what we say, right? That it's much more likely that anon said "certain demographics" meaning "the fraction loud, obnoxious fans who will accuse you of being immoral for not liking the show" and "people who never read the books and have nothing to compare it to" and not as some dogwhistle to mean "fans of the global majority", right? Also, my memory is shit. I may have used that phrase and if so, see the above reasoning for why I used it but also if I didn't: Why am I being held accountable for a random person's choice of wording?? I'm not anon's mom.

I don't particularly care if you answer or not. I'm sure. That's why you wrote an essay in my inbox. To not get a response.

If you block. I did. Fuck outta here.

I just had to put it there. Did you? What was the goal in this? Do you even know?

Maybe this is rude as per tumblr etiquettes. It's pretty rude regardless, but hey what do I know. I'm no Emily Post.

But this was just so odd as I am new to both the book and show fandom and while going through blogs I found yours So what I'm hearing is you're missing a lot of context for what's been going on around here and you've not realized that, is what I'm hearing. And you're either purposefully ignoring of didn't wait to find the many, many posts I've made detailing why I personally think the show is bad, why I think the white cishet frat bro turned wanna be auteur showrunner is doing a bad job of including characters of color in the text, the reblogs of fans of color who have brought up similar points, etc?

Stretch before you reach this hard, anon.

[xavieryaa]

Making My Own Tumblr Year In Review

So tumblr is not doing the individual years in review for 2023 like they did the last couple of years :(

This is the first year I’ve really been active on Tumblr and used it as my primary social media, so I was really sad to hear that. But then I decided…why not do it myself?

I posted 1837 times in 2023. That’s 5 times per day.

1748 (95%) of my posts were reblogs, and 89 (5%) of my posts were original.

Blogs I think I reblogged the most? Not in order.

@yipeewahoo

@hoodie-sys

@94erz

@namchyoon

@heybaetae

These are just based on me cmd-f'ing my blog using the names of blogs I remember reblogging a lot. It's probably wrong.

My top 15 most used tags (not 5 because i love tagging and want to show more):

#bts - 1045 posts (yeah obviously)

#bts pics - 803 posts (yeah obviously x2)

#queue attack my heart - 691 posts

#memery - 312 posts

#namjoon - 308 posts (i am so mentally ill)

#hoseok - 167 posts

#jungkook - 166 posts

#seokjin - 138 posts

#jimin - 138 posts (i wrote down seokjin's tag first so i put it higher)

#yoongi - 119 posts

#fic & writing - 108 posts

#taehyung - 103 posts

#bts birthdays - 99 posts

#serious posts - 92 posts

#namjoonposting - 59 posts (my favorite tag)

By the way this was so fucking annoying to do. The archive does not show how many posts you have in a certain tag. For every month I counted the amount of rows in a tag, multiplied it by 8, and added in any rows that didn't quite get up to 8. Then I added all those months together. I had to do that for every tag. Tumblr why is there no easy way to see the number of posts in a tag.

My top 5 posts of 2023:

5. Luffy Tab - 20 notes

Still can't believe we just. got a luffy tab. i just woke up and had a luffy tab

4. BTS Post Search - 27 notes

As it turned out. the poster changed their name to something else so that's why i couldn't find the post from tumblr user soupmoths -- they were an entirely different person. oopsie

Also I ended up being able to reblog it! Someone tagged me!

3. 3D Rant - 32 notes

This post got me my first hate reblog <3

In case anyone is wondering. I still agree with everything I said here.

2. Porn - 99 notes

Not doing the big link preview for this one since that on its own is kinda nsfw. Minors don’t click that link.

But yeah. That makes sense.

Even though there’s only 5 reblogs people find it semi-frequently (especially the past few days, no idea why), so I guess it’s spreading somehow? Which makes me happy :)

The Reddit Post - 2.1k notes

Obviously that was going to be it lol, over 20 times the amount of notes than anything else. My notifications were Dying.

Also, this stuff wasn’t in the actual Year in Review(s), but I’m adding them in for fun.

I liked 21k posts in 2023.

I followed 426 blogs in 2023 (not including the accounts I unfollowed).

I gained 69 followers in 2023 (excluding porn bots and regular bots). Nice.

I started 4 blogs on this account, 1 main blog and 3 side blogs.

I gained 15 mutuals in 2023 <3

All this data was as of December 18th, 2023.

[dotterelly]

I find it fascinating when I get little windows into how people use this site and manage their blogs through comments they make about what is considered normal to them.

I made this account in 2012, initially with the idea of using it as a tell into the void journal of sorts, but was immediately derailed into using it to tap into fandom community in a way I'd never done before. I am very lazy in the way I manage everything. The people I follow are either people I know, or people who share things from fandoms I'm in. But I've been here for a dozen years now, some of those I follow have switched to fandoms I'm not even interested in and I still follow them so the content i see is a little more varied than it originally was. Still, if someone's content starts filling up my feed with stuff I'm not interested in too much then I will unfollow unless I consider them a friend.

I've never changed my username, my description has not varied much the whole time I've been active, I vary rarely use tags for anything other than commentary if at all. My reblogging habits are atrocious, my only caveat is to keep posts about world affairs, politics, or traumatic stuff to a minimum for my own sanity (I've been down the road I'd feeling guilty if I didn't reblog every fund raiser and awareness post I saw and it screws up my mental health). I will come online and just reblog a massive list of posts that interest me or I find fun or cute. I never use the queue, and I don't separate content out with tags or side blogs.

And somehow, I still have more followers than people I follow? Like, probably a lot of them are inactive or bots or something, but you guys that do actually wade through all the crap I put out, I have no idea how you put up with me.

[therealvikingstrash]

To the anon who needed to distinguish themselves from the previous one and decided to be nasty with having no background information whatsoever:

Did I hit a nerve on your own shortcomings in fandom? Boo- fucking- hoo. I'm not sorry.

The way I talk to people depends on how people talk to me. How they treat me. If someone assumes I'm a slotmachine for fic and gifs, I will treat them accordingly. Also, you didn't see the other anons, which influenced my tone.

If someone is nice, I'm nice. (You can check it out in my #vtrash answers tag btw, I'm not lying)

With me, you always receive the energy that you sent out. And this one was wack. Three anon asks within a couple minutes of each other and the tone was absolutely NOT okay. It also sounded like this person wanted to start some discourse and I'm not here for that bs.

Let me ask you this: if someone hits their dog over and over and over and one day the dog snaps, who's at fault? The dog for snapping or the owner for abusing it repeatedly? In this equation I'm the dog and I moderately snapped. I didn't even bite, but you make ME responsible? Weird way to out yourself as not being able to understand action and reaction.

Look, the really disgusting person is you, because you think telling someone the truth and giving them a reality check is being mean. Also, did you forget this new feature tumblr has where they can trace back who sent the anon? Not your smartest move.

Either way, I think social media warped your mind and you assume people aren't allowed to be people anymore- aren't allowed to express their emotions. We can't be upset by upsetting things, we can't be mad or angry when people make us angry, can't be sad, cuz god forbid you show any signs of feeling down, then you're crazy and toxic.

No, no, we all have to be these perfect little hollow dolls who never say "fuck" and always stay polite, even when other people are nasty. Upholding a MASK that isn't your true self at all costs. Kinda fucked up and dishonest, if you ask me. Screw you, I don't want to be like that. I've always been kind and quick to give out advice when needed, or words of encouragement to literally everyone who crossed paths with me, but was stabbed in the back multiple times. And for what? Fuck if I know. Was it jealousy all along or were those people just downright evil? I don't fucking know.

But I won't ever be that way. I'm a truthful person and I will always tell people what they need to hear and not what they want to hear. I'm not a fucking coward who hides behind anon.

This anon needed to know that they should put some fucking effort in fandom in order to have people create more 🤷🏼‍♀️ in this specific case me, but it goes for every other author and artist who's made to feel like an art and fic-slotmachine.

And yeah, I am of the opinion that the Vikings fandom specifically could do with more people reading, commenting, reblogging, sharing creations in order to NOT die.

Wow, what a bad, bad person I am for having such thoughts and saying out loud what basically every creator already knows. How cruel to hold people accountable for their refusal to take part in a fandom they claim to love. It's a fucking team effort to keep a fandom alive, in case you didn't notice, you dunce.

But funnily enough, for the longest time the only people on this team who actively tried to keep the fandom flowing with creations are all the same:

@vikingsbigbang - that's me and @tlkvikings (that was public knowledge btw)

@vikings-archive - surprise, surprise: me

@vikingsevents - also @tlkvikings and I

And of course the Vikings Server on discord that I created and am modding with @tlkvikings as well, to somehow get a cohesive community going.

Why did we never brag about it, you might ask? Why did we never advertise it? Put our name to it for credit? Because we just wanted to get this fandom going without any prejudice. To keep it engaged and running. We didn't want people thanking us specifically. We were happy when people engaged and showered one another with love at events we just gave them the opportunity for. We basically created opportunities for everyone, that's all. And we didn't ask for anything in return. Even after the very same fandom demonized and hated us. Yeah, that sounds like I'm a horrible, awful person, you're right.

But it's so much work, with nothing in return. The occasional "thank you" if we're lucky, but that's it. If only more people would at least engage in those opportunities to create and share, that would be enough, but even those rates have been going down. No one even THINKS of who runs these blogs (like they aren't run by people who can get exhaused, overwhelmed and discouraged) and how much work it is to keep up.

OF COURSE my own blog isn't posting new stuff all the time. Like, wtf do you think I am? A fucking god? Fuck no. I'm not online all the time, I have a life too, you know. It should be obvious that someone who has done so much for the community will get frustrated when people only ever ask for more.

We're basically the backbone of this fandom and in return not so long ago a group of people ran a smear campaign against us (slid into peoples dms and told lies about us, sent disgusting anons, made call-out posts full of lies, tried to doxx another friend of ours FOR OVER A YEAR and I'm still here) while the whole fandom watched and didn't help at all, our art gets stolen, our works ignored and THEN people ask FOR MORE?! And you think it's not an appropriate reaction to give someone a moderate fucking reality check? Be for FUCKING real, you cunt.

I can assume you're in the vikings fandom too, since you said you saw the post due to the tag, so I'm hoping you will see this as well and feel ashamed of yourself for not even using your brain for a fucking second.

[butwhatifidothis]

Omg, really that guy again!?, when you recommended that fic "Everybody leaves eventually" he putted a comment, wtf.

*sigh*

I tried, right. Didn't ever pay attention to this guy, never responded to his numerous replies, reblogs, asks, or mentions to me, trying to debunk or "debate" me. I only ever mention anything of him outright when he initially made that GameFAQs thread about me (which has since been deleted, funny that) and when he was actively gloating about harassing two people off of tumblr - one of those people happening to be a friend of mine.

I've been debating back and forth about whether to block him or not - I know it's gonna do jack and shit, considering his whole schtick is how effectively he manages to slime his way around blocks anyway, and blocking him would be giving him any attention more than what I was doing before. Plus I've literally never blocked anyone before, on Tumblr or anywhere else, so I have no idea if it'd even hypothetically work even if this guy wasn't known for evading them. And I thought, since he'd finally stopped incessantly trying to get me to engage with him, that maybe he finally took a chill pill and finally learned to stay in his lane.

But now I'm saying fuck it. I finally blocked R/axis - and that R/engor guy too, since I know they're buddy-buddy.

I made a post about 17 hours ago, 5:44 PM CST, that was mostly me recommending fics that I liked and thought deserved a bit more attention. R/axis, barely 20 fucking minutes later, leaves a comment:

He's not even subtle about how he came to the fic from coming from my post recommending it. And here he is, trying to fucking "um achktually" and debate someone who, for all I know, has literally nothing to do with anything regarding discourse. This fic doesn't even have 1000 hits, is tagged "Villain Edelgard von Hresvelg" and "this is very Edelgard negative" so you know from the gate that Edelgard isn't gonna get sugar shoved up her ass like the fandom is overwhelmingly eager to do in 99% of the fics she's in anyway, has no claims of trying to be ~meta~ like Cap'n's does, but lo and fucking behold, here this fucker is, probably thinking he's *~casting his pearls before the swine~* when in reality it's more like him shitting on the floor.

Since I know you're just going to evade my block of you, R/axis, and you're definitely going to read this somehow - maybe you'll have one of your buds screenshot this and send it to you, maybe you have another browser open on another account that isn't blocked by me - here's a heads up: don't fucking do this. Or, I guess I should say stop fucking doing this.

This fic has Hubert leaving Edelgard under any circumstances - the author fucking knows what they're writing isn't exactly a 1-to-1 match to canon. They do not need - and almost certainly do not want - you sticking your head through their door with your finger up and ready to wag at them for not being in-line with canon. This person has no influence in the fandom from what I can see, their fic is barely talked about or even known at all, and they make no attempts at saying that this is their genuine view on the game (and in fact straight up say in their comments that this is just what they wanted to see from these characters, which obviously means they know what they're writing isn't in these characters).

They don't want to debate you R/axis. No one wants to debate you R/axis. Shut the fuck up already.

And to the author of the fic: in the slightest chance that you ever read this, I'm sorry that I'd gotten some asshole stinking up your comment section. I never encourage people to leave unkind or otherwise "debatey" comments on any works, even ones I don't like, and I'm sorry that my recommending your fic did just that. Your fic is a really interesting AU idea and just a joy to read through, and it doesn't deserve some Reddit dick trying to "prove you wrong" about a damn-near two-year-old fic. Hope you're having a great day

[junniorstarbreak]

Blog Update Cause it 2024 !!

Hello everyone! Maybe you guys have forgotten that you were following me lol, since I have been inactive and sporadic here. Social media has changed so hard ever since the purge and the pandemic, but it 2024 so it is time I just reclaim myself and my dreams and goals...

And to give everyone a proper explanation of what that entails and what my plans would be moving forward, in fact this post is to help me come clean with my feelings and experiences so I can accept them and move on, that doesn't mean this will be my last post on this account, but more so that I want to create a cleaner slate for me to get stuff done~

For starters when I started this blog I did it because of an old fandom friend, we became close due to our love for Steven Universe, she became like a beacon, a mentor figure to how to interact online with people, as you can tell from that I'm pretty much part of the OG 2014 era of Tumblr, that boom where Superwholock and the Homestuck fandom where at their peak, witnessed Undertale's humble demo beginnings and how when it released in full it became a viral sensation, something that only tumblr had the power to do, which has been hard to replicate on a social media such as twitter and even harder everywhere else. (Which is why I think games like Omori didn't generate enough traction in comparison)

Tumblr got me through my darkest times after 2013 when I unfortunately got abused by my principal and I had lost all sense of direction, it became a place of comfort and happiness, better than facebook, and more flexible than twitter, I was living and having fun and discovering more about myself, exploring me as a person and my interests, it was my fave go to website during my university years while I grew artistically and got the chance to come out of my shell and meet new friends.

It was an inspiring place with so much to discover, seeing cool peeps, cool fan art, memes, people of so many walks of life and stories whether outlandish or truthful, you could easily interact with people and discover new fandoms and have so much fun, I got to meet nice people, cool artists, inspiring fellas, and precious friends I'll never forget.

I began my tumblr with the idea of joining fandoms and post art, but obviously I was a newbie in those regards, I developed this hyperfixation of keeping up with my dash (do people still call it that?) and always scroll down to the very last post of the day before, while I juggled my academic life and my working life (since I had to pay for my Uni) somehow I focused more on just laughing and reblogging anything I found cool, which meant my first Tumblr became a reblogging personal space, which meant my art posts would get swamped (even tho I had an art tag) so I pretty much gave up on the idea of having an art blog since I didn't have much time for art anyways, and I had to be more focused in my academic life than on being active here or making stuff to post.

In a way tho, that made me feel invisible and made me develop the usual worries such as wanting to go viral, having thousands of notes, being noticed, having a popular post, having thousands of followers, being noticed by cool people or artists, being ACTIVE, having fun with EVERYONE, being recognized in a fandom, being part of something, never feeling enough, making cool projects and getting opportunities... those insecurities led to anxieties, and those anxieties were demoralizing and paralyzing...

As the years went by though, my friend left the internet, wherever she is, I wish her well on her journey, I am thankful for the time together; meanwhile I was dealing with the pressure and stress of my final years of Uni, and also that dreaded feeling of worthlessness and anxiety of feeling far away from my original plans and goals, I felt low... compared to peers or people in the industries I wanna be a part of, which made me feel even worst and stuck, when I finally graduated I felt aimless and without structure, then I got a job at an unfortunalte TOXIC Publicity Agency...

Agencies are as draining and demanding as the worst places to work, enter at 8:00 am and go home till 10:00 pm... yep big NOPE... a draining job like that just made me feel worst about myself, about my art skills, about me as a person, while you had younger peeps becoming viral artists or activists, I felt I was sinking into constant panic and worry thinking this was my life now for years to come, without aspiring to be anything else... it worsen the clinical depression I was experiencing, It's a life I have no plans to return to, I know better now, but oh boy, that was 2019 so... you know what happens next 2020 and... the pandemic was not kind to me, mental breakdowns and borderline suicidal, I WAS A WRECK, and it took some time to heal from those scars of loss, tragedy, abuse, trauma... always overworking without realizing I was straying away from my dreams... always comparing myself to others who I've never met (sometimes I still do) and not trying to rise above the drowning sinkhole I was in...

So... I became so envious and jealous of others success, and became more recluse and shut down, I felt alienated, and alone, hopeless and done... the worst

To this day I still gotta work through my negative feelings, since I still feel excluded from the circles I wanna be a part of, from art communities, from fandoms, maybe because I don't like this thing everyone else is liking, specially people who I look up to enjoying and vibing with a thing together but me being invisible and in the background unable to achieve the same, but... I know that's on me and not on people who have never met me (parasocialism can damn you) so... that's why I am taking the time to write this long post, I kept postponing it over and over again, but it is time I finally take this step for my sake, and the sake of my dreams.

I was inspired to finally start a new chapter in my life and career by the support of new people I've met, a much more forgiving family, and by an AMAZING psychiatrist that has helped me improve my mental state so let me ramble a bit just to finish.

I recently finished Hirogaru Sky! Pretty Cure (By recently I mean February, but you know I was postponing this post for months now) and honestly even though I have been a massive magical girl nerd for years, I never got to finish a Pretty Cure season before, this is legit my first time doing so and I don't regret it, because it a season with the important message on how to be truthfully strong, and having the fortitude of moving on regardless of how painful it can be, and an episode that spoke to me was when Sora felt like she couldn't be an hero anymore, and returned to her homeland to just live a normal life, later on she found the drive to become an hero again, and her dad said a phrase that still rings true "Even if your dream shatters, or you lose it... it will come back to you"... ever since, I felt the need to finally take that step that scares me and gives me anxiety... an that is, to say goodbye to the past and start anew, make a new space for myself, a new tumblr, new accounts, new name... new me, make a clean place that is just for my art, the things I love, the things I enjoy, the things I wanna talk about, an active place surrounded by people who will love my stuff and who will support my projects.

Because even if I don't get into an industry that doesn't mean I have to stop creating, I don't wanna be invisible and just reblog all the time, I wanna MAKE, I wanna CREATE, I want to post art and share my love and experience with others in a better place that actually feels mine, where I can start from scratch and defeat those negative feelings, I don't need to be viral or make a hit game or anything like that, I just need to enjoy life and grow as a person while I work towards my dreams and ambitions, because, I don't want to be scared anymore, I want to just take that first step and no longer make excuses not to, I wanna be reborn and do better for myself...

As for these old tumblr? It gonna remain as a personal space for reblogs and what not, I don't think it needs to be deleted or deactivated but I am sure it will get ocassional use and not constant as I'll be focusing on my life plans~

Thank you so much for reading till the end, it is quite the lenghty post but, I had these feelings in my chest for years and finally have the bravery to free them into the world.

I also want to recommend BUCCHIGIRI?! underrated anime😤 it had to compete with Dungeon Meshi for attention, but boy is it worth a watch, specially if you anime like DBZ, it pumps you with adrenaline and the story is a heartfelt endeavor of growth and how to deal with your inner demons!

So what are my next steps? well... I am planning to watch Wonderful Precure and probs Kaiju No.8 plenty of shows I wanna watch and enjoy honestly~

Anyways, here is my new tumblr link!

Sure, it a work in progress, but I am ready to make it my new home and become a better me now :3