#i'm soRRy i know it's literally almost summer but i got soft | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

serverusslaype · 1 year ago

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Shameless, pt. 8

Severus Snape x professor!reader fic

Shameless Masterpost

omg hi guys.............

i'm so sorry for leaving it this long, i just literally could not write anything, my brain was absolutely fogged up - probably because i had covid unknowingly lmao. this is another long chapter so i hope this makes up for it! <3

thank you for reading and for all your kind messages and support, i appreciate you all so much. i know i say this constantly but i really mean it. stay safe and keep healthy, guys!! love you :')

let's get this train on the ROAD!!!

The summer of '93 was an interesting feat, to say the least. Sirius Black had escaped from Azkaban, and you'd found yourself dating someone you never thought you would.

You had not expected yourself to be caught up in a whirlwind type of romance, especially not by someone you'd despised back in school. Yet, here you were, arm in arm with none other than school menace, Benjamin Bluewater. The two of you were currently strolling through Hogsmeade, wide smiles spread across your rosy-cheeked, cold faces. The snow crunched beneath your feet as Ben wrapped an affectionate arm around your waist, pulling you close against him. You failed horribly at trying to hide the bashful smile that picked at the corners of your shivering lips.

"I'm gonna miss seeing you every other day." Ben said, giving you a squeeze.

"Yeah," you hummed happily, glancing up, "this summer has been very..." You trailed off, struggling to find the words. Ben glanced down at you, a lazy half-smile reaching his lips.

"Unexpected?" He chuckled, finishing your sentence for you.

A grin broke out on your face and Ben leant down to plant a soft kiss against your smiling mouth. "Definitely." You replied against his lips, nodding softly, letting your eyes fall back to the powdery-white trail in front of you as he pulled away. "You can visit me if it gets too hard." You teased, nudging him playfully with your elbow. It'd only been a month and a bit of seeing Ben, but he really had you hooked. Each time you saw him, the agonising thought of you and Snape melted away from your mind a little bit more. You felt like you'd finally got control - he was no longer dictating how you felt. However, you did feel a tad bit guilty. At times it felt like you were using Ben to get over the broody Potions Master. You didn't dare tell him about it either, you were pretty sure that he wouldn't take it well - in fact, you were certain he wouldn't. How would he believe that you'd fallen for the man that used to cause the pair of you grief in school? For starters, he used to be your teacher all those years ago, and secondly, in Ben's mind, he considered Snape an ugly old git.

"I think you'll be the first to crack, Y/N." Ben nudged you back, prompting a playful scoff to fall from your mouth. Ben's lips broke into a grin, pleased with your reaction.

"As if," You choked. "Wait, who was it again that turned up at my door the day after our first date? Oh yeah, you." You scrunched your nose up at him and poked out your tongue, though, your attention was soon hooked by the flash of what looked like a figure dressed in all-black. Your breath caught in your throat as your head snapped to the left, eyes flicking desperately between the forest of pine trees, searching for what you thought you had seen. Ben picked up on your change in behaviour almost immediately.

It couldn't be, you thought, heart suddenly beginning to race.

"You okay?" His bushy brows furrowed at your unusual skittish demeanour, clearly worried about you. Ben's alarmed voice did not compute in your head. "Hey," His hand slipped from your arm and fell to your wrist, tugging it at it to pull you from your thoughts, inducing a soft gasp from you as you spun on your heel to face Ben. It looked as if you had just seen a ghost of some sort.

"What?" You questioned softly, blinking. Ben stared at you.

"You look like you've just seen a ghost, Y/N." He said, concerned. You swallowed and wet your lips, looking down at the ground as he brushed his thumb tenderly against your wrist.

"I'm alright." You looked back up at Ben, placing a forced smile upon your lips. He didn't seem convinced, though he didn't press you. He gave you the benefit of the doubt. "Just, err, just a little on edge, you know with, erm, the whole Sirius Black thing." You lied, a nervous chuckle leaving your throat.

"I don't think the mass murderer known as Sirius Black would bother himself with a place such as Hogsmeade, Y/N." Ben smiled, almost amusedly at you. You stayed silent, not sure what to say. Ben let his blue eyes to flick between yours, almost like he was attempting to read your mind. You broke the connection and glanced away, an uncomfortable feeling creeping up your spine. Ben sighed gently and looked ahead of the two of you. The town of Hogsmeade was settled in the distance, shrouded in a cloudy mist. An idea popped in his mind. "Would a tea or a hot beverage of some sort make you feel a little better?"

"Um, yes, I could go for a tea." You nodded lightly, looking back to Ben. A small smile graced his features as he let his warm hand slip into yours. The corners of your lips tugged upwards a little. Ben felt at ease once more as your pretty face was lit up with that bright smile of yours. He couldn't resist placing another sweet kiss upon your lips.

"Alright. Let's go, I know just the place."

You laid on your bed in your quarters at Hogwarts, the pale sunlight peeking through your curtains was slowly ceasing as the evening began to set in. Your mind was constantly reeling back to yesterday afternoon. You continuously replayed the memory of the flash of black in your mind, attempting to put a name to what it was. A sigh of frustration left your lips, leading into a groan. You refused to acknowledge who you thought it was. There was just no way.

All those feelings and thoughts that you'd buried and hidden away with the idea of Ben started to creep back out of it's cage and it frightened you. Perhaps it was foolish of you to think that you'd move on so quickly. A month and a bit was definitely not enough time to heal. Yes, you were unquestionably foolish to think that forty-three days was a satisfactory amount of time to rid yourself of the thought of someone you had been near almost every day for a year.

Whatever, you thought. It'll pass. It will... won't it?

Gods, now you were doubting yourself. You knew you still felt deeply for Snape, of course you did, you spent almost a whole year in his presence, but you thought dating someone else in the meantime would have solved some of that. Jesus, that's messed up. Were you just using Ben to get over Snape? This was so wrong on so many levels. You liked Ben, truly you did, but you always found yourself comparing him to Severus. The way he spoke, the way he moved... your mind was plagued with him, and you were an idiot to think that locking away the thought of Severus would do anything but help yourself. You did this to yourself, and now you deserved to deal with the consequences. You just had to act like your feelings for him didn't exist, maybe that would help. …Maybe it wouldn't, but that was the best idea you had right now.

You needed to clear your head, and badly. Your buzzing thoughts were starting to drown you. You quickly slipped out of your bed and headed out of your room, quietly shutting the door behind you. Just as you were about to turn around to walk down the hallway, a tall, shabby looking man stood in your way. He had light brown hair with flecks of grey in it, a fluffy moustache and a rather painful looking scar was scraped across the middle of his handsome face.

"Oh- hello," You said in surprise, confusion evident in your tone. The man smiled at you jovially, his eyes crinkling at the edges. He looked rather tired and pale. You tilted your head at him, furrowing your brows.

"I apologise for scaring you," The man pursed his lips as he attempted a light-hearted joke, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I'm Remus, err, Remus Lupin, the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor." He added, his eyebrows raising a tad.

"Oh, yes, of course!" You instantly smiled, your cheeks turning a little red out of embarrassment. Lupin found it rather endearing. You scolded yourself for forgetting soemthing so important - Dumbledore had mentioned this the day before you left for Summer break. "I'm so sorry, it had totally slipped my mind. My name is Y/N L/N," Your smile widened as you held out a friendly hand for him to shake. "I'm the professor of Herbology here at Hogwarts."

"Ah," He nodded, returning your smile and shaking your hand. His grip was firm. "Lovely to meet you. I hope we get along well, Professor L/N." Remus said trustingly, his hands returning to his pockets. You clasped yours together, resting them against your hips out of habit.

"I'm sure we will, and please, call me Y/N." You grinned. Remus gave you a curt nod. "Is this your first day here?"

"Teaching yes, but in regards to having been here before? No." He replied.

"Oh?"

"I attended Hogwarts as a small boy, so it's a little nostalgic walking round the place again." Remus explained, earning a surprised look from you.

"It seems as though every single teacher here also used to be a student here." You laughed lightly, inducing an amused smile from the new professor.

"It seems that way, yes." Remus nodded.

"Well, I hope to see you around, Remus." You smiled politely at him, noticing the way he slumped slightly in posture, almost like he was trying to hide himself. Remus returned your smile and dismissed you with a nod, continuing past you with a slow gait. You let yourself think for a moment. Those scars looked pretty horrific, they looked rather... deep. A grimace twisted your facial features as your mind raced with quite gruesome and morbid theories on how Lupin had acquired those wounds. You shook your head rather vigorously as if to relieve your mind of the grisly images that were popping in and out of it.

The hallways and corridors of Hogwarts were peacefully empty once again. Students, old and new, were still back at home preparing for the next school year that began in just a couple days. Goosebumps erupted on your body out of anticipation as you thought about what the year could hold - though, you were mainly excited to get back to teaching your beloved subject. In fact, you'd missed it a lot over the summer. More than you expected to, despite the distraction called Ben.

A tiny smile flickered on your lips at the thought of him, your eyes glued to the floor in front of you as your feet carried you forwards, a cool chill wrapping itself around your bare shoulders. You were wearing a thick-ish, buttercup-yellow night dress; the sleeves reached your wrists, but it was a little baggy up top, causing the wide neckline to slip partially off your shoulder. The chill made you quickly pull it up with your fingers, enveloping yourself with your arms.

Bumping into Professor Lupin outside your room had caught you off-guard. The thought of grabbing a coat of some sort had slipped from your mind the second your curious and confused eyes fell onto him. You shivered slightly, cursing yourself for being so forgetful sometimes. It might have been late August, but Scotland's freezing climate left no survivors.

"Did you not think it unwise to go around strolling in such... poorly thought out attire, Professor L/N? It is almost as cold as the arctic." That deep voice that had caused you so much grief and heartache shot through your head like a stray bullet. You froze in your position, your breath hitching as you refused to turn around to acknowledge the man that spoke with such articulated words it seemed laughable. You felt like you couldn't move. Like you were in a glue trap, like a little mouse.

Eventually, you thawed. "I'm not cold." You replied shortly, reluctantly turning around to face Snape. Your heart instantly sped into a gallop as your eyes fell onto his tall, brooding figure. Then and there, thought of Ben entered your mind as you stared at the Potions Master, immediately comparing the two. You knew Ben didn't make your heart race like he did. Your shoulders suddenly slumped with guilt. You shouldn't be thinking any of this. Ben was good for you, he treated you with kindness and respect, and most of all, he actually liked you.

"Your trembling figure says otherwise." Snape tilted his head at you, scrutinising you. Right then you wanted to shrink down into nothingness. You couldn't bear to feel so vulnerable underneath his eyes. Somehow, Snape looked better than the last time you saw him. And you hated that. You were sure you looked utterly terrible right now.

"I'm fine." You said sternly, dragging out the syllables as you fought back the bitter glare that was itching to break out onto your face.

"Fine, hm..." Snape drawled, almost mocking and sarcastic, letting his dark eyes drop down your figure, studying your improper outfit. You hugged yourself tighter at the sight, cheeks suddenly burning as you felt rather self-conscious. His brows knitted together suddenly, like something had just clicked in his mind. "Why aren't you wearing a coat?"

You hesitated. "I forgot to grab one." Snape's brow arched at you disapprovingly. You fought the urge to groan at him. "I bumped into the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Remus Lupin, outside my door." You explained, tone flat. "It's not like you care whether I freeze to death or not anyway." You added, rather bitterly. Snape narrowed his eyes at you, glaring. He did care, but he would never show it. Not right now, at least.

"Lupin?" He repeated, ignoring your last comment as his jaw ticked out of irritation. You frowned at his odd reaction. "I suggest you stay away from him, Professor L/N. For your own..." Snape trailed off, pondering on his words as he let his eyes sweep over you in a patronising manner. "...good." He uttered, almost like a warning. You were completely and utterly confused. Why did Snape seem so unwelcoming towards Lupin, he'd just joined Hogwarts, unless there was... history between them? Was there?

"What's wrong with Remus?" You asked, eyes narrowing in curiosity and suspicion about his feelings regarding the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Snape's jaw clenched at the sound of Lupin's first name, almost like he flinched. "He seemed perfectly kind and pleasant earlier."

Snape didn't reply. A harsh, exasperated sigh fell through your nose as you rolled your eyes at the enigmatic man before you, growing tired of his games. Why did he always act so cryptic? What was the problem with telling you the truth? Would it be so bad?

Before you could protest and poke at his mind, Snape began to stalk away from you, prompting a curt scoff to leave your lips. Your teeth were gritted out of frustration as you stared at the back of his head. Christ, he really hadn't changed - he was still pissing you off at an almighty rate. At this point, it was impressive.

"Hey!" You exclaimed, forcing Snape to halt in his tracks. He turned his head to the left, silently encouraging you to continue. "Would you just answer me?"

"I don't owe you anything." Snape said rather coldly. You clenched your jaw rather angrily at his rude reply. Jesus, will this guy ever just bite the bullet for once and give in?

"When you tell me to 'avoid' Professor Lupin, I think that demands an explanation as to why I should, Snape," You said, shaking your head at him like he was daft. "You must be delusional to think otherwise!" That must have struck a nerve within the Potions Master, as he swiftly spun around, his cloak turning with him dramatically like a bat, making you shrink in regret. He stormed over to you, footsteps heavy and determined. You backed yourself up, a little unnerved by his sudden and intense approach towards you. Snape got right up in your face and you could feel his hot breath dance across your skin, sending anxious goosebumps down your spine. It felt like your heart was about to fall out of your chest from the high gear it had suddenly kicked into.

How could- no, why was your body still reacting so fiercely to Snape? Weren't you meant to be focusing on Ben?

"Lupin is not who you think he is, Y/N." Snape warned, snapping you out of your thoughts. It nearly sounded like there was a hint of concern in his voice, like he was worried about you. You had to laugh at that, as if Snape - the man who had pretended like you didn't exist for half a year - cared for you. He'd never stoop to such a pathetic ideal. You brushed the hurtful lie under a dusty rug in your mind, averting your attention back to the pair of deep, obsidian-coloured eyes that sat mere inches away from your own.

"And how do you know that?" You challenged, a hint of venom in your voice as you mocked his serious tone. Snape sneered at you, leaning back from your face, like he was disgusted.

"Your ignorance is blinding." He replied bitterly, still refusing to explain anything to you. At this point he seemed like a child to you. From his the way he glared at you, and reeled back from your agitated little form, Snape seemed to be disappointed in you. You didn't think he had a leg to stand on with that idea.

And so, that was your last straw, you couldn't hold in your frustration anymore; it felt like all the pressure that had been building up beneath your skin was coming to a rise and it had finally burst at the seams. "Jesus, Snape!" You cried out, infuriated, your hands flying up to pull helplessly at your hair. "Why is it so hard for you to answer me?! Are you so incapable of that?!"

Snape seemed a little taken aback by your outburst as the ill feeling of deja vu began to seep into his bones. This felt a little too familiar: it reminded him of that night he found you drunk. Yet, right now, you were stone-cold sober, and still shouting the same things at him. In regards to your outburst, he truly hadn't seen it coming, and yet, he was almost always aware of how you were feeling. He could read you so easily. To him, you were like a book he'd read almost a thousand times. He remained quiet again, unsure of how to reply to your instantaneous combustion; a briefly-lived feeling of worry that he'd add more fuel to the fire.

He couldn't reveal the reason to you. He'd given Dumbledore his word that he would not speak of Lupin's condition. In fact, Snape had doubted Dumbledore's usually-wise judgement when he mentioned that he'd hired Lupin. The Potions Master thought the Headmaster had gone mad for openly inviting a werewolf into Hogwarts, let alone allowing him to teach classes full of children. And then, he'd found himself roped into producing the Wolfsbane potion so Lupin could keep his wretched condition of Lycanthropy at bay. Snape still doubted the whole idea. He knew it was doomed from the very beginning. Balancing the safety of Hogwarts on the constant, perfect production of a potion and the hope that Lupin was competent enough to remember to take it each day of the preceding week of a full moon?

Doomed, Snape thought.

Despite your best efforts of attempting to force the answer out of Snape, he knew you'd figure it out sooner or later once you noticed which ingredients he'd be borrowing from you. He had faith that you were smart enough to work it out. So, he stood straighter in front of you, wordlessly giving you his answer as he turned around to walk away from you.

No.

"A warm, warm welcome back to you all!" Dumbledore's raspy voice boomed through the Great Hall, the applause from students and staff alike to quickly quietening down. You were seated comfortably between McGonagall and Hagrid, and it felt awfully similar to last year. Just a year ago, you had no idea what you were strapping yourself in for. "Before we indulge ourselves in this delectable feast, I'd like to welcome Professor RJ Lupin, who will be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher," Dumbledore said, turning around to gesture to Lupin with eccentric, wrinkly hands. The professor stood up goofily with anxiously-clasped hands, giving a grateful nod to the Hall as they applauded him. He caught your eye, and you sent him an encouraging smile, ignoring Snape's distasteful face beside Lupin.

"Good luck, professor! Now, our teacher for the Care of Magical Creatures for many years, has decided to retire in order to spend more time with his remaining limbs. Fortunately, I'm delighted to announce that his place will be taken than none other than our own, Rubeus Hagrid!" The Headmaster announced as he spun around to gesture to the half-man-half-giant sat happily beside you, a genial smile spreading across the Dumbledore's face. Applause and whoops erupted in the Hall once more as Hagrid gave a short nod and a cheerful smile to the hooting crowd. You rolled your eyes and elbowed him, prompting him to stand up, his large belly shoving the table forwards with a sharp screech; a handful of glass goblets falling over and smashing. McGonagall looked up at the newly-appointed professor rather disappointedly before eyes her goblet that now laid shattered before her.

"Finally, on a more describing note, at the request of the Ministry of Magic, Hogwarts will until further notice play host to the dementors of Azkaban, until such a time Sirius Black is captured." Dumbledore said, a stern and serious tone taking place of his usual reserved one. Gods, how could you have forgotten? Mass murderer Sirius Black was still on the loose. Apparently the thought of Snape was enough to distract you from a highly important news article. And now, one of the most feared creatures of the Wizarding World was going to be lingering around Hogwarts? This was not what you signed up for. Your teeth started to chew against the inside of your bottom lip anxiously.

"Will they be on the school grounds?" You whispered to Minerva beside you, failing miserably at trying to hide the shaky fear within your voice. She instantly looked at you, smiling softly. You'd always had a phobia of dementors, and now the fact that they were going to be lurking around the school had put you on edge. Merlin, can this year get any worse?

"I'm not sure, my dear." Minerva replied to you quietly, subtly noticing the fear swimming in your eyes. The older witch placed a hand upon yours in an attempt to soothe your anxiety. "There's nothing to worry about, I assure you." You merely nodded at her, unbelieving. Nothing to worry about, sure. It's not like some savage, minacious murderer is on the loose.

"The dementors willl be stationed at every entrance to the grounds." There goes your sanity. "Now, whilst I've been assured that their presence will not disrupt our day-to-day activities, a word of caution: dementors are vicious creatures. They will not distinguish between the one they hunt, and the one who gets in their way." You hated the way that Dumbledore spoke of the dementors, and it hardly settled your trembling and anxious mind. No, in fact, it bloody well worsened it. The old man was basically saying if you get in their way, it's a death sentence. They have no sense to decide whether you're a threat or not, or they just don't care.

Either way, you were screwed. You could not produce a Patronus charm, let alone a corporeal one, and it was something that played on your mind a lot. You could never find the right memory to do so. Every happy memory you flicked through in your mind, it just wasn't happy enough. So, if you came into contact with a dementor, you were, let's say, royally fucked. Was your life that sad?

"Therefore, I must warn each and every one of you, give them no reason to harm you. It is not in the nature of a dementor to be forgiving. But, you know, happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light." The Headmaster finished with a cryptic riddle, making you sigh a little heavier than expected, catching an intrigued look from Hagrid. Sorry, but what the fuck does that even mean, Dumbledore? You were well aware that Dumbledore was undoubtedly an ingenious and powerful wizard, but sometimes, the things that came out of his mouth just sounded like nonsense. Maybe he just said those random things to keep up his mysterious act.

As you looked up from the nervous, fidgeting fingers in your lap, your eyes locked with that same pair of black, emotionless ones that were staring so deeply into yours just last night. Immediately, you looked away, your cheeks flushing red out of embarrassment, and perhaps, suppressed affection. There was that weighty feeling of guilt again, finding your shoulders once more. Ben's smiling face materialised in your mind as you shut your eyes, attempting to rid yourself of the buzzing feeling that Snape had awakened within you. With just one look into his eyes, you were melting back into your old ways.

You heard the creaking of a chair shift beside you as a gentle mass poked your side. "A'right down there?" Hagrid questioned quietly, noticing your subtle change in demeanour. You were suddenly stiff in your seat.

"Yeah, yeah, fine thanks, Hagrid." You cleared your throat, avoiding those two addicting pools of inky-black.

"Hmm." Hagrid hummed beside you, obviously skeptical about your curt response. He let his eyes flick to where you were previously looking, his stomach sinking as he spotted the broody cause of your sudden mood change. Hagrid didn't bother pressing you for answers, he knew you had enough on your plate, and he would rather you come to him. The last time you spoke about your problems regarding Snape, you were in tears, or you would burst into tears, there wasn't really an inbetween.

Silently, you were thankful that the newly-appointed professor beside you chose to keep shtum.

As you glanced back to where Snape sat, he was completely avoiding your eyes too, however, as you continued looking over in his direction, the wave of a hand beside the Potions Master caught your eye. Flicking your gaze to the right, you noticed it was Lupin waving sheepishly at you, a kind smile tugging at his scarred lips. You returned his smile and waved back, turning to the professors beside you as he glanced away from you.

"Professor Lupin seems to be a kind soul." You commented outloud, a genial smile upon your lips. McGonagall glanced at you, eyeing your curiously.

"Yes," She agreed slowly, her eyes gently dissecting you. "Have you met before?"

"No, I just bumped into him a couple nights ago, by my door."

"Yer' door?" Hagrid repeated in an octave higher than usual, intrigued.

"He just happened to be there when I walked out." You frowned, wide eyes looking up at the gigantic man, trying to understand what he was insinuating.

"Right, right." Hagrid quickly said, almost awkwardly as his cheeks reddened a tad, averting his eyes from your suspicious ones. Minerva's lips quirked into a small, amused smirk as she glanced between you and Hagrid. "Well, this food looks delicious, ay?" He cleared his throat, raising his brows as he glanced down at your plates that were now burdened with a generous amount of steaming hot meat and vegetables. You couldn't help but laugh softly to yourself at Hagrid's awkwardness. It was sweet to you.

Before you let yourself indulge in the plate full of food in front of you, you dared to look in the direction of a certain gloomy individual. Snape had already begun to eat, which surprised you. He usually takes a few bites and retires to his office, but this time, he'd stayed. You frowned to yourself as you stared at him, observing the glum way he kept to himself, avoiding any kind of conversation. Once more, you found yourself yearning for him. And yet again, your heart and mind were telling you two different things.

"Isn't that a Mimbulus Mimbletonia plant, professor?" Came Neville Longbottom's curious voice, his inquisitive eyes dragging over the plant you held cautiously in your arms. A cheery smile graced your lips as you nodded at the boy.

"Yes, indeed it is, Mr Longbottom." You said proudly, inducing a thrilled smile from Neville. "Can anyone tell me what it's uses are?" You asked, glancing around your greenhouse at mostly confused faces. You had an inkling that none of them would know the answer, perhaps apart from Hermione or Neville, who you noticed seemed to excel in Herbology. Though, Hermione wasn't in your class this morning. So to you, it was all down to Neville.

"Stinksap, right?" Neville answered quickly, his bunny-like teeth sticking out from underneath his top lip as he stared at you, awaiting your reply.

"Correct, and what can we use stinksap for?" You questioned, your smile widening at Neville. A sense of accomplishment suddenly tickled your body - maybe your students were listening to you and learning. You were a little worried that you hadn't exactly made an impact on them. As you got lost in your fretting thoughts, a light voice you weren't familiar with caught your attention. You turned towards the dark-haired girl, her deep blue eyes lighting up with confidence as she retrieved you from the abyss that you unfortunately called your mind.

"Stinksap can be used in certain potions as it contains very good healing properties," Alisa Arumina spoke up, earning a tilt of your head. You nodded at her, encouraging the girl to continue. "However, you have to be extra cautious when handling such a plant as this one since it will squirt out rather rancid smelling sap. Hence the name, stinksap." She finished, a sheepish smile upon her lips. You grinned proudly at her.

"Yes, lovely! Ten points to Ravenclaw, Miss Arumina." You carefully placed the plant down upon the table you were all gathered around. Before you could continue on to explain how to care for it, a distraught sounding voice called from behind you, at the door to your greenhouse.

"Professor L/N," Madam Pomfrey called out, her voice shaky. Immediately, you spun around with a worried frown upon your face. She sighed. "There's been an accident, do you have any mature Mandrakes ready for use? A Wiggenweld potion is required at once." Madam Pomfrey's eyes looked afraid. This must be serious, what the hell happened? You thought as your heart began to anxiously pick up in pace.

"Err," You stumbled over your words, blinking quickly. "Yes, yes, of course. I'll have them delivered to you immediately." You nodded in a poor attempt to assure the terrified look upon Madam Pomfrey's face. It didn't work.

"I'm afraid Professor Snape has asked for you to go to him right away." She said regretfully. Of course he fucking did, you groaned inwardly.

"Is it so hard for you to come and retrieve the Mandrakes yourself?" You demanded as you burst through Snape's classroom door, your irked eyes finding Snape's startled ones. Though, just as quickly as he had looked startled by your sudden entry to his room, he had returned back to his usual angry glare, shooting it directly at you.

"Is it so hard for you to knock before entering?" Snape grunted at you, rubbing his fingers in circles against his temples. He lifted a hand and patted the empty space on his desk beside him. "Place the mandrakes here." You scrunched up your nose at him in disgust,

"I'll put them there once you tell me what the hell is going on."

"Your dear friend, Professor Rubeus Hagrid, thought it wise to introduce the children to a hippogriff on their first lesson together." Snape sneered as he rose from his desk in a slow and intimidating manner, his hands splayed out across the deeply grooved, dark wood surface. "I knew he was an oaf, but I at least thought he had retained some form ofhuman intelligence. Perhaps even common sense!" He exclaimed, his brows glued together in fury. Your brows mirrored his own as he insulted your friend. "A student was injured, Professor L/N, a student of my house." Ah, so that's why he's so upset. "Draco Malfoy." Riiight, it's adding up now, you thought, your anger simmering down slightly at the utterance of a student being injured.

You knew Hagrid wasn't incompetent, he was smart enough to not put students in the way of danger, but maybe this was a very big mistake. Perhaps he was too... eager. A hippogriff is a highly dangerous animal, especially if the students are not taught how to approach one beforehand. A strained sigh left your nostrils as you clenched your jaw, averting your eyes from a fuming Snape.

"Is he alright?" You asked, hesitating. "Hopefully he didn't lose a limb..." You muttered whilst perching yourself down upon a stool to your right.

"By the grace of the gods, Malfoy's arm was merely scratched," Snape seethed, clearly still very angry. Maybe it'd be best if you just left now, you did leave your class unsupervised for this visit. The thought of being a hypocrite niggled at your mind as you thought back to the time you'd chastised Lockhart for doing the same thing. But, this wasn't the same thing right? This was urgent, his was... whatever, you're better than that babbling, bumbling baboon anyway.

"So, it wasn't even a big injury...?" You repeated, frowning. "A little... scratch and you're almost losing your hair over it?"

"I think you're missing the point, Professor L/N, as always," Snape scoffed at you, earning a resentful glare from your eyes. "Hagrid has proved himself to be incapable of handling a class safely. I mean, a student injured and sent to the hospital on the very first lesson? Seems like a bad omen, if I do say so myself."

"Oh, please, Snape," A frustrated, heavy sigh left your nostrils again as you glanced to the side. "It's his first day!" You laughed incredulously, defending your friend. Sure, Hagrid might have misjudged this lesson by a smidge, however, you knew he would never put students in harms way.

"His first day, and his incompetency has resulted in injury!" Snape replied bitterly. He clearly didn't like Hagrid, and it was very obvious. He only ever spoke bad about the man, and it angered you. Hagrid was more than just an... 'oaf'. "Those... beasts... should have never been allowed at Hogwarts, regardless." Snape's nose crinkled in disgust.

"Give him the benefit of the doubt!" You cried out at Snape hopelessly. "And Buckbeak is a perfectly good hippogriff, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"How would you know that?" Snape's lips curled up into a distasteful sneer once again. Your cheeks ran hot as rage boiled beneath them at his comment.

"Because I know Buckbeak, Snape," You seethed at him with your fists balled, "Buckbeak would never do such a thing unless he felt threatened or insulted!" A hand flew up to wipe at your face, your breathing becoming ragged and hopeless. As you glanced back at Snape, he paused for a moment, his lips curling into an amused, incredulous smirk at your words. He couldn't believe what had just fallen from your mouth. Did he hear you correctly? Were you truly so delusional?

"You 'know' Buckbeak? Don't be absurd, Y/N." Snape huffed at you, his eyes narrowing as the corners of his lips tugged downwards disdainfully. "Buckbeak is a wild creature, it is hopelessly foolish of you to believe you can understand, much less, tame one!" He said, strained, his knuckles turning white from the aggressive, vice-like grip he had on his desk.

"These creatures are deeper than you think, Snape," you frowned, eyes stormy and reckless, unknowingly searching for trouble. His long fingers flew up to massage the bridge of his nose, clearly growing more fed up by the second. "Perhaps you'd understand if you had a heart within that empty chest of yours." A curt, exasperated sigh tore from your nostrils. Though, before you could take back your words, a blanket of regret wrapped itself around your seething body, your once-stormy eyes widening a tad as the realisation of what you had just uttered began to seep in. The sudden silence in the room was unbearably thick.

Snape's eyebrow twitched as he raised his head. Slowly, he fixed you with a dark, scrutinising gaze, rendering you speechless. Your body froze. "Bold, today, are we?" Snape's deep, stinging voice cut through the quietness like razors, reaching your ears like a thousand sharp pins.

You didn't answer him, fearing you might provoke him further. You'd never seen him like this. Dark, unnerved, fervent. It was terrifying to you. Perhaps you did cross the line. Gods, what had you done? Couldn't you have just brought the Mandrakes and sodded off? Jesus.

Snape marched towards you without a word, his cloak billowing out behind him like a flag. You couldn't help but notice the fury emanating from every single inch of his body, prompting your cheeks to flare up in a wild, raging blush. You had no time to defend yourself from Snape's long, cold and slender fingers as they clutched your jaw in force, shooting a frightening yet delicious shiver down your spine. A soft surprised gasp escaped your throat as he pushed you off of the stool you were sat on, a loud bang breaking through the silence as it clattered to the floor. Your back was instantaneously pressed against the table behind you as Snape shoved your backwards from the hold of your jaw, your eyes pooling with sudden panic as his fingers tightened against your skin, bound to leave marks. Fearfully, the palms of your hands flew to steady yourself against the edge of the table he'd rammed you against; your back arched painfully as he leaned right into your face, a spine-chilling scowl adopting his features.

The two of you were mere inches away from each other. Snape bared his teeth at you in a sneer, almost like he was revolted by your presence. He let his thumb slip upwards from your chin to the skin just beneath your bottom lip, pressing it against your teeth. Your eyes were forced to stare into his, his ones cold and penetrating in a way that only Snape's could be. Your heart was pounding so loud in your ears that at this point that you were afraid you'd go deaf.

Both of your chests heaved laboriously, leaning against one another, like you'd just sprinted for a mile without stopping for a break. As you stared into Snape's threatening eyes, you felt your body numb, his signature scent of sweet wine, books and smoke invading your nose like it was nothing. Against your will, your body welcomed it and you felt yourself relapsing from the addicting smell. With wild eyes locked together, you saw something else swimming in his wicked, black eyes. They almost looked pained, helpless, maybe even like they were... yearning? Your eyes flicked over his face gradually, slowly drinking him in. Whilst the two of you stared at each other, trapped between one another's body, a fluttering sensation slowly materialised in your gut, prompting your eyes to fall to Snape's angry, quivering lips. The undeniable urge to press your lips against his own was scratching at you like a desperate caged animal. You inhaled sharply and blinked, averting your hungry eyes back to his own, distracting yourself from such thoughts. Again, you found yourself lost in him.

Before you even had a chance to look deeper, Snape's bone-chilling voice tore you from your thoughts. You felt as if he'd noticed you spotting something deeper lingering within him.

"Get. Out." Snape spat, roughly releasing you from his grip, your hand flying up to soothe your aching jaw. You stood there, your arched back and splayed out hands against the edge of the wooden table, flabbergasted. Snape stalked back to his desk acting like the previous minute did not just happen. For once, you obliged and stood up straight, your feet immediately rushing forwards to carry yourself out of Snape's classroom in absolute silence, face blank with shock. As you shut the door behind you, you paused in your footsteps for a moment, eyes locked absentmindedly on the cobblestone ground in front of you.

What the fuck had just happened? Can the two of you no longer have normal interactions? You always have to be at each other's throats each time?

Your fingers lifted up to your face and traced where Snape's fingertips had been pressed into the skin on your jaw, a dull soreness emitting from the area as you touched it. That's definitely going to leave a mark.

Fuck.

You just hoped Ben didn't visit you for another week or so. There was absolutely no way you could explain this without it seeming super fucking suspicious. Oh jeez, Ben. How were you meant to face him when you'd just been on the verge of kissing Snape? It was just in the heat of the moment, obviously... Was it? Did he feel it too? No, of course he didn't, he looked like he wanted to kill you.

A frustrated groan bubbled in your throat as you stomped away from Snape's classroom door, heading back to your class.

Merlin, were you fucked.

Part 9!

hey guys.... i hope you enjoyed this part, i apologise again for how long it took me omfg. i'm ashamed. :( i just couldn't get the creative juices flowing, then i got covid (which im still battling). like bruh give me a BREAK PLEASE.

anyway, i already have part 9 planned out so i'm hoping it wont be as long to type up!! <3 love you guys.

please let me know what you thought!! also what are your patronuses if you have one?! mine is a snowy owl :)

taglist: (i hope i haven't missed anyone or added anyone by accidient!! if i have i'm sorry and please tell me!!)

@a-laufeyson

@emilynissangtr

@livillain00

@meowskii

@nooneeveryonenoone

@vesperbatty

@biggest-simp-eversposts

@881127fara

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@allygranger

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royjamierot · 1 year ago

Note

Roy and Jamie sharing a cold peach on their front steps on a hot summer day. (On the intimacy of sharing fruit)

this has been in my inbox foreverrr thank you for sending it because ive been thinking about it literally constantly. i wrote this and im so tired so im sorry if it's terrible hope you enjoy though!

Roy doesn't know how he ended up here, staring at Jamie, who's laughing with him on his front stoop. They had finished with practice, and grabbed some fruit from Roy's kitchen before walking outside to enjoy the weather as it cooled in the evening. They were talking about Jamie's stint on Lust Conquers All, and now Jamie is laughing at a comment Roy made about one of his costars.

"You know, people still come up to me to tell me they think me and Amy shoulda gotten married," Jamie and Roy both laugh at the absurdity. "I don't think I even have her number. I don't know her last name."

"The yoga mums always said that. They're always going on and on about how you and Amy just clicked. I never understood any of that shit, they told me it was- what is that dumb fucking-"

"Body science?" Jamie finishes for him smugly.

"Body science." Roy growls. "I don't understand what the fuck that means."

"Well, I'm fucking fit right?" Roy sees Jamie extend his arms in a questioning movement, and for a moment Roy doesn't realize Jamie is looking for a response. Roy glares at him. He doesn't answer seriously, too afraid of revealing something he shouldn't.

"You know what I think of your looks." Roy says, and Jamie laughs. It's a fucking lovely sight. Jamie's laugh is loud and unabashed, just like the man it belongs to. Roy feels his own lips lilt without his permission. Roy looks down at the soft peach in his hands, and murmurs something about Jamie's ugly hair. He doesn't mean it. He knows he doesn't.

"Everyone thinks I'm fit, you're just contrarian." Jamie nudges him, his eyebrows raised, and Roy looks back up at him. The sun catches his eyes and Roy notices flecks of yellow he's never seen before. He freezes slightly, something in Roy's body taken off guard. The skin of the peach is molded under the pressure of his hand tensing.

"Big word for a prat like you." Roy snipes back, hand relaxing, the marks from his grip left behind in the ripe fruit.

"Fuck off." Jamie says it offhandedly, without hesitation, and he fucking smiles too. Roy wonders when they got to the point that they both know he doesn't mean it.

"Anyways, body science. No matter what your dark-ages gecko brain tells you, I'm fit as fuck, and so was Amy. That's body science. Two fit people existing in the same room." Jamie illustrates his point with a nod at the end of his sentence, and a half serious look, like he's really educating Roy on something.

"That cannot be it." Roy almost laughs at the absurdity.

"Nah, it is mate. Isaac explained it to me." Jamie assures.

"I've heard Isaac talk about it and he did not fucking say that."

"Okay maybe that's my explanation of it, but that's what body science is on a show like Lust Conquers All. The whole show is based on body science."

"Do you mean sexual tension?"

"No, that's different, I have that with everyone." Jamie grins at him, and Roy rolls his eyes.

"You're a right twat." Roy says.

"You still have me around." Jamie tells him, like they're not sitting around hanging around even though their practice has been done for over an hour.

"I'm not sure why." He says it, but he does know why.

"Who would you take your anger out on every morning?"

"Some other dickhead who deserved it."

"Aw, don't say that, I thought we had something special." Jamie makes eyes at him that would look somehow more in place on a puppy, but also somehow fit Jamie.

Roy just looks at him, and shakes his head. Jamie takes a bite of his own peach, undented and orange and ripe.

He takes a big bite out of the side of the peach, and Roy watches him chew for a moment before he notices everything about Jamie and has to look away.

"Fuck, that's good." Jamie basically fucking moans and Roy isn't a strong enough man to not look back.

The juice of the peach drips down Jamie's well sculpted jaw as he takes another bite. It almost drips off entirely but instead falls on his jawline. Roy's fingers crave to reach out and wipe it off. They don't. Instead, he runs his fingers over the indents in his own fruit.

Jamie takes another bite, and notices Roy just watching him.

"This peach is fucking lush, you should have yours." Jamie advises through a mouthful. It does nothing to help the situation on his chin and his lips, suddenly shiny and sticky with the juice of the fruit. Roy can't find it within himself to look away, or to stop holding his own peach too tightly, damaging the skin ever so slightly.

It takes him aback, how much he notices the juice on his face.

Jamie hums after his bite is finished. Roy looks away when Jamie almost catches him staring. He looks down at the peach in his hand and the marks he's made in it. Holding it up to his lips, he takes a bit. His face scrunches. It's too soft, and slightly sour.

"Mine's no good. Overripe." He turns the peach over in his hands, the deep marks from little pressure making sense. The fruit is almost mush in his hands. He sets it on the concrete knowing he can't eat anymore.

"Shit. Try mine." Jamie holds his peach out, and Roy can't look at it. Why would he? Jamie is right here in front of him.

"I'm not eating your half eaten scraps."

"No, you don't get it, it's the best peach I've had in my life, you gotta try it." Jamie insists, shiny juice still coating his lips and chin. Roy wants to lick it off.

His brain goes fuzzy, the way it does when his body overrides his ever working mind, and does something stupid. There's one thought in his head, and it's Jamie.

"Okay." Roy murmurs. His hands move of their own accord, and one finds itself cupping Jamie's chin, pulling him closer to Roy. Jamie goes with his hand.

"Tell me to fuck off again. Tell me you don't want this." Roy tells Jamie, their breath mingling from their few inches of space, their noses almost bumping.

"I want this." Jamie says, and Roy is gone. He kisses Jamie like he's trying to consume him whole, trying to taste him. He bites Jamie's bottom lip like it's the fruit itself. Jamie smiles against him. It's so good he doesn't think the fruit could possibly be better. His thumb rubs Jamie's chin, and he pulls away. Jamie instinctively chases him, and Roy smiles.

Roy's thumb collects the dripping juice from Jamie's chin, and he tastes it.

"Mm. Good."

Jamie stares at him, shaky grin occupying his face, and he holds up the peach.

"Try it." Roy takes a bite, and it's good but he was right. It's not comparable to the taste of Jamie.

"Good. Not you though." He murmers though half lidded eyes, diving in for another kiss.

#royjamie #mine #asks #fics

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olderjustneverwiser · 2 years ago

Text

Baby, Tell Me Why (Eddie Munson)

6.3K. Fem Reader. Childhood best friends, shared trauma, so much pining it hurts. Based on Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex.

Warnings: angst, probable PTSD, a handsy creep (which leads nowhere), and I know literally nothing about D&D I'm sorry.

Masterlist

This felt wrong.

You were unable to pinpoint exactly what about this unfortunate encounter was throwing you off; whether it was the hands inching up your shirt or the fact that the man currently kissing you tasted like scotch instead of the beer that he liked to drink, but everything about this was just wrong.

This uneasy feeling shouldn't have surprised you, and if you allowed yourself to think about it, it didn't surprise you. Not really. The feeling had settled deep in your chest and stayed since Spring; ever since Eddie told you all about what he'd witnessed. Since Eddie Munson, your best and oldest friend, watched Crissy Cunningham die an awful death and had been named a suspect in her murder. You'd known something was wrong even then, but a few days later you had the honor of actually seeing it for yourself; stepping into that awful place and watching helplessly as monsters bit chunks out of him while he screamed. After that, well, you knew the feeling was here to stay.

This felt wrong for a different reason, though, and it wasn't because of an interdimensional threat at the moment. It was because the lips you were kissing weren't his this time.

“Hey, I need to stop,” you mumbled, trying to push this man away, only succeeding in backing yourself more into the bartop that the two of you were currently leaning against. The unforgiving wood of the bar dug into your spine, but it was nothing compared to the way his hands felt on your heated skin. These hands were too soft and demanding, all at the same time. They were grabbing at you instead of holding you; missing the obnoxious rings and guitar string scars.

They weren't Eddie's.

This guy- you couldn’t even remember his fucking name- blatantly ignored your request, “We haven’t even started anything, baby,” He breathed your name as he leaned in to place a greedy kiss onto your exposed collarbone and you couldn’t help but recoil at how it sounded on his tongue; like it wasn’t supposed to be there. It was too deep and harsh and so unlike his.

It never sounded like that when Eddie said it.

With your hands balled into fists, you pushed again, harder, into his chest. “Seriously, get the fuck off,” you grunted, "Get the fuck away from me."

He seemed to finally get the hint, backing up and giving you a look you guessed was supposed to be intimidating. “Fine, you crazy bitch. Enjoy the drinks I bought you.”

Blood rushed to your cheeks and you hated that you felt embarrassed and silly. You ignored the stares from the other patrons as you quickly exited the bar into the humid, summer night. The buzz you were chasing when you first went to the bar was quickly dissipating; you could still taste cheap scotch on your tongue and it made your stomach turn. You had gone to the bar to clear your head, to drink away images of otherworldly monsters ripping your friends open. Instead all you got was a horrible feeling in your gut and an ache in your heart.

You almost felt bad for blue-balling the guy that bought you drinks all night. Almost.

The truth was, you didn't really care because you knew he sure as shit didn't care about you. You had both wanted the same thing from the other; just a warm body and an excuse to not have to sleep alone for a night. To forget about your lives for just one night.

You couldn't do it, though. Thoughts of Eddie filled your mind the second the guy from the bar kissed you (although, thoughts of Eddie never seemed to really leave your mind in the first place these days) and you realized that a tumble in a random guy's bed wouldn't make you feel any better, so you left. It might have been the first good decision you'd made in months.

The only downside was that it left you sad and alone, stranded at a bar on the other side of Hawkins and with no means to get home.

Trudging to the payphone on the side of the bar, you weighed your options. You did not want to walk all the way home at this time of night, and calling a cab just seemed sad. You could call Steve since he had a car, but were the two of you even that close yet?

Probably not.

Which left only one option.

Fuck.

Letting out a huff, you shoved a few coins into the payphone and dialed the number you knew so well. A small part of you hoped he wouldn't answer; it was only just after midnight but maybe he was sleeping. He could be playing D&D or hell, he could even have a date.

You hated how the mere thought of that sat in your stomach. It felt like unease or fear; a sort of jealousy you had no right to feel. You'd been the one to initiate the distance between the two of you, anyway.

It still hurt your heart, though.

But before you could think about that any longer, the ringing stopped, and you heard his voice, raspy and heavy with sleep.

"Who the fuck is calling this late on a work night-"

"Eddie," you interrupted, cringing at the fact that you woke him up, "Eddie, it's me."

The other line was quiet, and you knew that he was wondering why you were calling him. You had been growing ever distant from him over the past few months, ever since the dive upside down. Honestly, you wouldn't have been surprised if he would have hung up in your face. But then you'd heard him sigh, breathe out your name and ask if you were okay, and fuck if that didn't make this that much harder. The fact that he was still being so nice, that even after what had happened between you, his first thought was to ask if you were alright. Even while your friendship was going through…whatever the hell this was, he was still your best friend.

You didn't deserve how nice he was.

You were in this now, though. You'd made the decision to reach out to him and he answered. To not follow through at this point would be a total bitch move.

"I'm fine, I just wondered if you could pick me up? From The Keg on Creek Road?" You finally found the courage to ask.

Silence. And then, "You're calling me at twelve in the morning to give you a ride? Why the hell are you over there anyway?"

You'd been expecting this question, but it still didn't make answering it any easier. The Keg was the complete opposite of where you and Eddie would normally hang out. It was full of pop music and overly sweet drinks, and frequented by former classmates that made you and Eddie's lives hell while you were in school. You didn't want to tell Eddie that that was precisely why you chose this place; that The Hideout reminded you too much of Eddie. The smells, the loud rock and roll music, too many memories to count. It was too much, and tonight you needed something that was the total opposite of that.

Or, so you thought.

You couldn't tell Eddie that, though. Your nerves were getting to you and you could feel the guilt bubbling in your chest and you cursed yourself for being stupid enough to call him. "Look, I can just walk, I'm sorry I woke you up-"

"Hey, shut it." You could hear sheets rustling in the background, his bed squeaking as he sat up. "Just wait there, okay? Be there in ten."

The drive was tense.

It had only taken him a few minutes to pull up to the bar, eyebrows raising high when you jumped into the van and he got a look at your outfit; short skirt and too-heavy eye make-up. He didn't comment on it, and you were thankful. Eddie didn't even say a word until you were halfway to your apartment on the other side of Hawkins. He didn't have to ask if he was driving you to your place or his. He'd learned these past few months. It didn't make him any less sad, though.

"So, why were you at that dump anyway?" He asked, breaking the silence that had been stewing ever since you'd climbed into his van.

"It's not like The Hideout is any better, Eddie."

"Yeah, I know. Just wondering 'cause The Hideout is kinda our place." He tried to mask the hurt in his voice, but you caught it.

That's what a decade of friendship does to you. You catch every tell, every waiver of each other's voice and expression that flickers on their face. It was both a blessing and a curse.

You shrugged, played with the hem of your skirt to avoid his gaze. "I don't know, I just wanted something different I guess."

He was quiet for a beat, until he took another look at the skirt currently riding up your thighs and you swore you could hear the gears turning in his head until they finally clicked into place.

"Oh, I get it now. You wanted something different from me, right? Thought you'd put on a short skirt, fuck some dickhead guy, and forget everything?" He took another moment to look at you, "Guess it didn't work out, huh?"

"Fuck you," you retorted, but it sounded weak. In this moment, you almost hated how he could read you like a book. It was a skill that he'd always had; he's always been able to figure you out. You'd always loved it; how he would just know what you needed when you needed it, how he could almost decipher your thoughts and how the two of you could have silent conversations across crowded rooms. But right now? Right now, you fucking hated how he could see through you. "It did work, actually. I just changed my mind."

"I wonder why that is."

You groaned, but you knew you deserved this. "Eddie-"

"No, I wanna forget parts of that night, too. I guess-" He paused, took a breath and let the words die before he let them out "Y'know what, never mind. It's not important."

You looked at him, really looked at him for the first time since you got into the van and saw how tired he looked. Not just because he had rolled out of bed minutes prior; curls wild around his face and a threadbare Metallica tee thrown on. No, he looked bone deep, sick-of-the-world-and-the-cards-he'd-been-dealt tired and it broke your heart.

Eddie had changed a lot since that night in the Upside Down. He had finally gotten his diploma a month after the dive, found a decent job paying a living wage a week after that. He was a man, now; no longer stuck in the hell that was Hawkins High. All good things, but he still had pain from his injuries, still had nightmares. Still couldn't play guitar quite right due to a nasty scar on his left middle finger from those fucking bats. Although he had been exonerated for Crissy's murder, some of the small-minded people of this town still called him a freak, a Satan lover, still berated him when they saw him on the street. And then, of course, there was whatever was going on with the two of you at the moment.

You knew it had all been taking a toll on him. The hurt was written all over his face whenever he'd hear another insult thrown his way. When you wouldn't sit as close to him as you used to or wouldn't spend the night with him like you always had before. You hated how it broke him, but it was something that had to be done. You had to keep Eddie safe, at least until Vecna came back and that El girl could fight him, once and for all.

After that…well, you could cross that bridge when you got to it.

The two of you finally pulled up to your apartment building, the old van idling loud enough to wake the whole block. "Are you waiting for me to open your door or something?" He asked when you'd hesitated; still looking at him and trying to find something to say that would make this any better. You couldn't think of anything that could possibly make this whole shitty situation better, so you settled on a simple 'I'm sorry,' because God, you were. Sorry for waking him up, for what happened before the fight, what came after. For Crissy and how strained things were between the two of you right now. You wished he could understand, but then again, it's not like you had given him much to go off of.

Eddie took a look at you, his usually expressive face was eerily blank as he took your simple confession in. He hadn't said anything yet, so you took that as your queue to leave. After you had opened the door and stepped out into the night air, he spoke.

"You don't gotta be sorry, sweetheart. Just can't expect me to keep running after you if you keep pushing me away."

It had been months, and that night was still haunting you. Both the good and the bad memories would flood your subconscious and invade your dreams, leaving you shaking in your bed alone, hot tears pouring out while you tried to ground yourself once you woke. Always just as vivid and horrifying as they were that night.

They'd start out the same way every time. Out in that field with everyone; new friends as well as Eddie, as you all prepared yourselves for the night to come. Everyone had been prepping all day, sawing off shotguns and making shields out of trash can lids. Blasting Kate Bush and Billy Joel through a tiny speaker. Having play fights in the grass and pointedly not saying goodbye because you all had to come out of this alive, right?

You and Eddie had separated yourselves from the group to put together the makeshift shields, savoring these last few moments with your best friend before all hell broke loose. The two of you were determined to fight alongside everyone and do your part, but you needed this alone time with Eddie and you think he needed it, too.

"You ready to jump into the great unknown?” Eddie had asked you once the weapons were made and the gang was preparing to leave.

You snorted, "Oh yeah, I was born ready to go up against a monster from another dimension. Easy peasy."

"You don't have to come with us, y'know. It's not your fight."

"Then who would protect you and the kids?" Your tone was teasing, but you suddenly got serious "I'm not leaving you, Eddie. We're in this now. Together, just like it's always been."

It was true, it had always been like this. The two of you, joined at the hip through scraped knees on the playground, the awkward stages puberty brings, high school parties, and everything in between. Through failed study sessions and mocking comments from classmates about living in a trailer park. Through first heartbreaks and late night drives to being wanted for fucking murder. You'd been there through it all, loved him through it all so you'd be damned if you’d leave him now, when he needed you most.

Eddie nodded, blushing at your words in a way that was so not Eddie. He looked at you with a curious look in his eye; like he was trying to see through the brave face you put on. Trying to decide how far he should push, if he could muster up just a little more courage to do something he's wanted to do for too long.

"Hey," he started, clearing his throat and looking so uncharacteristically nervous, "Do you wanna go and get food after this or something?"

You cocked your head, cocked a brow because you didn't know where this was coming from. "Eddie, we hang out literally every day."

He rolled his eyes, grinning a bit "Yeah, but I mean, after the dust settles and everything, can I take you somewhere? Y'know, like a date?"

You couldn't help but smile at his question because despite what was happening, despite where the two of you were going in just a few moments, Eddie was asking you on a date. The whole situation was almost absurd; the fact that this is what Eddie was thinking about at a time like this, but at the same time, it was so perfectly Eddie. It made you forget about the Upside Down and Vecna for just a few seconds.

The impending fight had your heart feeling like lead, but this made your heart feel lighter than it ever had before. The fact that Eddie liked you, hell, maybe even loved you back? It made your heart pound and your cheeks feel hot and you were smiling wider than you had in weeks. But he must have mistook your silence as rejection, so he did something he did only with you. He backtracked, self-deprecated in case you said no.

"I know you probably don't want a three time high school senior so we can forget about it-" and you didn't let him finish that thought; didn't let him continue thinking that you didn't want him because you had wanted him for so long. And learning that he wanted you back? Well, it almost made this little suicide mission seem worth it. So you closed the small gap between you, grabbing his leather jacket in both hands and pushing yourself onto your tiptoes to press your lips to his.

If Eddie was surprised he didn't show it; you both knew that it was literally now or never so he brought both hands to cup your face, and you swore you heard a little sigh of content come out of him. You didn't care that you most definitely had an audience, didn't mind when his boar ring got caught in your hair because you were kissing your best friend. It had never felt like this before; kisses with past lovers and quick hook-ups were always fine, always doing what they were meant to do but this? This felt like something else entirely; a fucking meteor strike and you never wanted to live without it again.

You don't know who whistled and yelled at the two of you to break apart, but eventually you did, knowing that it was time to fight. Eddie had a new kind of fire in his eyes now, like he had something else to fight for. Not just revenge or his innocence.

"Why don't we finish this conversation later?" He asked, and you hummed your agreement, foreheads pressed together and savoring that little moment of bliss.

But then, the scene in your dream would change. The blues and greens from the field would morph into black, red, and indigo and you were all in the Upside Down. You and Eddie were together, everyone else in their own factions doing their part. The two of you weren't fairing well, and you could see that the other groups weren't doing much better. Both of you were tired and scared and completely at a loss of what to do next. Then Eddie had his brilliant idea to distract the bats, so he found his guitar in his trailer and put on a fucking concert; ultimately using himself as bait.

It was a good idea, in theory, and it worked to get them off of everyone else's trail. But it also caused them to fly straight for Eddie. Eddie didn't stop playing, though, just screamed for you to get away and get safe and the next thing you knew, they were attacking him.

They were all around him, at least a hundred swarming him and suddenly they were mauling him. The only sounds you could hear were the tearing of flesh and his screams of absolute agony. You don't know who was holding you back while the bats picked at Eddie, bit chunks out of him but you tried with everything you had to get free and run to Eddie. Eddie, who you were watching die an awful, painful death. Eddie, your best friend, the best fucking part of your life was dying and all you could do was scream helplessly for him.

Then, the horrible dream would end and you'd wake with a start, fresh tears on your face because you had remembered what it felt like to be in that place again.

Tonight was no different, and you'd awoken just moments prior, throat raw and heart threatening to beat right out of your chest. You forced yourself to breathe, in and out, until it evened and your brain realized that you weren't in that place anymore, that you were safe and Eddie was alive.

He wasn't with you, but he was okay.

You wished he was here, though. You wished he could be laying in bed next to you like he did that night.

Steve had dropped you both off at Eddie's trailer after the fight. Eddie was still wanted for Crissy's murder so he couldn't exactly waltz into a hospital just yet, and there was no way in hell that you were leaving his side after what had happened, so it was really no question. You carefully washed the blood and ash out of Eddie's hair, cleaned him up as best as you could and disinfected his wounds, never leaving his side for more than a second because you almost lost him just hours earlier. When you were done, your bones protested and you didn't want to be alone but Eddie gently guided you to his shower, left fresh clothes for you while you washed the grime down the drain. It didn't make you feel better like Eddie promised it would; you still felt dirty and defeated; your hands still shook as you dried yourself. Only when you slipped on one of Eddie's old tee-shirts and fell into his bed next to him did any semblance of peace find you.

And as you both laid in his bed that night, clinging to each other like a lifeline, you felt Eddie press a kiss to your forehead, heard him whisper something you couldn't quite make out before succumbing to your exhaustion.

You slept peacefully that night; partially from the adrenaline wearing off but mostly because Eddie was next to you, your legs tangled with his and his arm never wavering from its place around your waist. You woke before Eddie the following day, deciding to just watch him for a few moments and while you did, wondering what was next for the both of you, something in your brain shifted.

You don't know what prompted it, whether it was the gashes and bruises that littered Eddie's face, chest, and arms, or the pained grunts that left him when he'd shifted in his sleep, but you were reminded of how he sounded when he yelled in pain. How he screamed at you to get safe while he was being attacked.

How he came so incredibly close to dying, mere hours after you'd kissed him for the first time.

Was that supposed to be some sort of sign? Some kind of warning from God to leave things the way they'd always been? It sure seemed that way since your world very nearly ended that night in the Upside Down. So, you heeded the warning. Untangled your limbs from Eddie's and kept your distance. Cleaned his wounds again when he woke up and then left, made some excuse and pretended like you didn't notice the hurt etched on his face. Ignored the way your heart broke and forcing yourself not to think about his heart breaking. Convinced yourself that this was the right choice. For the weeks that followed, you didn't mention the kiss and cut Eddie off when he tried to bring it up. Made a point to not hang out with him one-on-one as much.

It hurt you, and you know it hurt Eddie but it was better this way. Act like you’d always had, maintain your place as Eddie Munson's best friend and nothing more. Ignore the way your heart fluttered when you were with him until it didn't flutter anymore. Pretend like you weren't breaking his heart in the process.

It was better this way.

It had to be.

You'd always loved D&D nights.

Not for the game specifically; Eddie had tried teaching you the ins and outs of his beloved game multiple times throughout your friendship but had failed every time. The storylines didn't captivate you like they did Eddie, and the intricacies seemed to go over your head each time he explained something to you. It wasn't for a lack of trying on your part; you really did try to learn the game, but it was almost impossible to focus when Eddie was right there, a hand over yours, showing you a figurine, a trick in one of the thousand books.

No, you'd loved D&D nights simply because you loved watching Eddie in his element. It had always captivated you; how he'd become so enraptured by the story he wove together, his silly little dungeon master voice, how happy he was when he was surrounded by his friends every other Friday night. You'd happily sit and watch the game for hours, which you had done more Fridays than you could count at this point.

If you thought about it, you were sure that this is where you fell for Eddie over the years. Watching his eyes light up; being completely free and totally himself without any worry or judgment from people that didn't even know him. It had long become one of your favorite pastimes; lounging in the background or pretending to study while you listened to Eddie ramble on about fake monsters.

That was, until the ground opened up and you learned those monsters were real.

That knowledge hadn't deterred the kids, though. Hellfire nights continued, on most Friday nights, only now held at Eddie's place instead of Hawkins High since he'd graduated months ago. You'd skipped the last few, for obvious reasons, but Robin and Steve had practically begged you to come when they showed up at your door, unannounced, a gaggle of teenagers in the backseat. They wore you down and you reluctantly agreed to join them, if only to sit on the couch and shit talk with Robin and Steve.

Well, also because you really fucking missed Eddie.

It had only been a few weeks since you had called him to give you a ride home, and you had seen each other here and there since then, but it wasn't like it was before. You knew that was entirely your fault; you chose to put this distance between you, but you missed his voice and his laugh. Missed just being with your best friend.

So, you found yourself nestled into Eddie's couch next to Robin and Steve, watching Eddie and the kids from the sidelines. You had to admit, it felt nice, normal, even with these kids you now called friends. Dustin yelling over Mike, little Erica yelling over both of them, Will Byers taking every morsel of advice Eddie gave about being a good DM. And Eddie, God, he looked better than he had in months. Eyes wide, smile even wider. Even his scars looked infinitely better. He had pulled his hair up and opted for a Hellfire shirt with the sleeves cut off due to the late summer heat, allowing you to see that the angry red marks had finally turned into little pink and white clusters along his arms, neck, and jaw. You only hoped that he was sleeping better these days, not having quite as many nightmares as you still were.

“You’re staring, y’know,” Robin muttered into your ear, quiet enough to only be heard by you and Steve, thanks to the shouting going on at the game table.

You forced your eyes away from Eddie, meeting her gaze and the smirk on her face, “What? No I’m not, shut up.”

“Yeah, you’re not convincing anyone.” Steve replied with a laugh. You didn’t have anything to say to that, so you opted for grabbing a popcorn kernel from the bag and throwing it at his head, which he caught instantly, popping it in his mouth. He was truly infuriating sometimes.

Robin didn’t relent. “Seriously, after that huge make-out session before we dove Upside Down-”

“It was not a huge make-out-”

“I thought you and Eddie would have professed your undying love for one another or something.”

For a split second you were tempted to shut her down, bite back and say that she didn't know what the hell she was talking about, if only to save face. That desire died when you looked at her face and didn't see any malice, or mischief, or judgment. Just a friend asking about another friend.

"It's complicated." Was the response you settled for.

"Really? 'Cause from where I was standing, it looked like you two were totally in love with each other."

"Geez Robin, were you watching us or something?"

"She totally was," Steve said with a mouthful of popcorn.

"It was kinda hard not to, with the lovebirds making out everywhere."

"We were not making out!" Your words came out as a harsh whisper to not alert the table.

Robin sighed, "Look, I'm just asking 'cause you looked way happier right before the fight than you have in months, and I think it's because of what happened before the fight."

And shit, there was really nothing you could say to that because she was right, of course. That night was the last night you'd really been content, funnily enough. Because everything had gone to absolute shit after. Most of it was your fault; this self-isolation, once seeming like the only choice that made sense.

But now, you were lonely, and sad, and you weren't so sure of the brilliant idea you'd had to leave Eddie alone that morning.

Robin opened her mouth to speak again, but she was cut off by multiple voices screaming No! and boisterous laughter, coming from the Dungeon Master himself.

"Funny that you all thought you could pull one over on me. Better luck next time, ya suckers." Eddie's smile was downright villainous, enjoying the kids' scowls and muttered curses way too much. Before they could wallow in sorrow for much longer, Steve was grumbling about the time, and having to get the kids home as quickly as possible, Robin practically shoving kid after kid towards the front door.

"Are you guys really not picking up this mess?" You asked, eyeing the food wrappers and crumpled up papers that littered the floor. "How the fuck am I gonna get home if you leave?"

Dustin turned at your question, trying (and failing) to morph his features into a look of innocence. "Oh, you'll help him, won't you? I'm sure Eddie would be more than happy to escort you home later. Besides, we all gotta get home soon or our parents will kill us. Bye!"

One by one they hurried out the door, and you realized that your friends had meddled, trying to play matchmaker. By the look on Eddie's face, he was just as caught off guard as you. But Dustin was right, you weren't going to make Eddie clean up his own place after the gang made a mess of it, so you offered to stay and help, Eddie throwing you an appreciative smile as you did so.

"Thanks for helping me clean this up."

"I don't mind. Besides, it's not like I had much choice since our so-called 'friends' ditched."

"They're not very subtle, are they?" Eddie joked. It was quiet after that; the comfortable kind of quiet that you had grown used to over the years. Eddie collected his notes, folded up the game table while you picked up Pepsi cans and half empty chip bags. Everything felt almost normal until Eddie spoke up minutes later, his voice hesitant.

"Can I ask you a question?"

You stilled, because you knew what was coming. How could you not, when the same question had been eating you up inside, wondering if the decision you made was really for the best?

Eddie continued when you didn't respond; nerves apparent, the confidence he faked wavering. "Why did you leave that morning? You know, we were good- great, even, before everything, and even after, but then it was like everything changed outta nowhere. Did I do something, or say something to make you leave?"

"Eddie…" your voice trailed off, hating how unsure of himself he sounded. "You didn't do anything wrong, I promise."

"Then what happened? And don't fucking blow me off like you have been for months because I know something happened." He took a seat on the sofa when you did, close enough that his right knee touched your left and his voice was soft when he spoke next. "Come on, we've shared all our secrets with each other since we were kids. Can you just tell me what happened?"

You don't know where the tears came from, why your emotions were hitting you so hard but your eyes burned at that. Maybe it was the way he was looking at you; big, brown eyes as dark as molasses with a look that was just as sweet. Or the simple fact that you had missed him, missed just talking and being with him.

Maybe it was because you had been kidding yourself for months. Playing pretend and kidding yourself into thinking that any amount of distance could ever sever the bond you and Eddie had.�� Because you loved Eddie. Loved all of him; even the parts he hated about himself. Loved him as a friend, but so much more, too. And it had been so incredibly foolish to think that you could live without your best fucking friend.

You didn't realize that your tears had fallen until Eddie gave your knee a squeeze and you wiped your face with your fingertips, fought the lump in your throat to get the words out. "I guess I just got scared. Like, I kiss you, and then you're bleeding out an hour later. It just seemed like an omen or something." You sniffed, paused your rambling when you noticed the confused look on Eddie's face.

“This is why you've been avoiding me and acting all weird? You know you didn’t make me get hurt, right?”

“I know I didn’t, like, hold you down, but it was just an awfully big coincidence.” Your face felt hot as you looked at Eddie; there was something like mirth in his eyes, lips pursed together like he was trying to hold in a laugh. “It's silly, I know, but I felt like you got hurt because of me!”

Eddie was nice enough to not laugh at that, opting to take your hands in his instead. “Look, all the kids were down there, and everyone else was in the house, so it was just me and you, right? And I wasn’t about to let the kids - or you get hurt, so I tried to fight. And if I got hurt, then too bad, ‘cause I wanted to make sure you and the kids were okay. I’d do anything to keep you safe. I’d decided that long before you laid one on me in that field.”

“Seriously?”

“Hell yeah! You’ve always been my girl; wasn’t gonna let anything happen to you.” his voice got softer; his hands squeezed yours a little tighter and you could feel all of the worry and guilt and heartache that you'd been feeling leave your body. "Can we please stop this whole 'avoiding each other' thing and go back to how things were before? 'Cause I gotta be honest, I missed you like crazy."

"Missed you too. I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't," You told him, but it didn't seem like enough. If these past few months had taught you anything, it was that Eddie Munson made your life better just by being in it, and after all that you both had been through, he deserved to hear it. To know how much you cared for him, how much he meant to you. He deserved to hear that you loved him because, fuck, you really did.

"You know I love you, right?" You whispered, like it was some secret. Like you both didn’t already know how the other felt.

Eddie just smiled, a big, genuine smile and nodded. "'Course, I love you too."

"No, I really love you, Eddie."

"I know, and I really love you, back." Eddie said, elongating the 'really' until it made you laugh; a short, sweet sound that he had missed more than he'd like to admit.

He released your hands, only to wrap an arm around your shoulders and pull you close to him, and you felt him relax when you curled into his side. "So, you wanna stay over, get breakfast in the morning?"

You couldn't contain the warmth that bloomed inside your chest, the wide smile that mirrored his own as you turned your head and looked up at him, "What, like a date?"

"Yeah, like a date. If you don't have anywhere to be." His tone was teasing, not mean in any way but you still felt the need to make it right. Make sure he knew that you weren't leaving this time.

“I’ll stay as long as you'll have me, Munson.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #stranger things #stranger things fic

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mayaheronthorn · 2 years ago

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I decided to write little fanfics about KitTy, because why not 🤷‍♀️ (english is not my first language so I'm sorry for all mistakes 🙆‍♀️)

(Imagine there never was any drama, Livvy is alive and Kit is living in the Institute)

Kit couldn't force himself to listen to Diana, who was passionately teaching them the history of something Kit didn't quite catch the name of at the beginning. It's not that he was bored. Diana always had this spark, that kept Kit interested in anything and everything she taught at time. But today he was extremely tired. Constant nightmares about his father made it impossible to sleep. He woke up with a beating heart, almost throwing up and crying. It was a hot night. Middle of summer, stuffy air. Even thick walls of the Institute couldn't keep the heat away. His hair sticky from sweat, clothes in the same condition. He felt a squeeze in his heart and didn't know if it was the effect of nightmares or frustration pounding in his ears. He didn't sleep at all. Took a shower, laid down and watched hours pass by. He considered going to Ty. Thought about laying next to him, about Ty's hair scattered on the pillow, his eyes analyzing Kit and wondering why did he come to him in the middle of the night. And Kit just waiting for him to solve this mystery. Giving him the satisfaction and joy of it. And then Kit would tell him everything. That he's scarred. That he can't act like he didn't have a father. And he would ask him if he felt the same. After all, they both watched their parent die in front of their eyes.

But he didn't. He kept it within himself.

And now he's paying the price for that sleepless night. Him and Ty were in the back of the library, next to the shelf. Sitting on the desk, right next to each other. Diana didn't really care if they sat there. She knew Ty was like a cat - he finds a cozy place and stays. As for Kit - he goes where Ty go. Everyone else were in front of them, sitting in chairs, listening carefully.

He had one leg up on the desk and put his arm on it. His eyes closing, head falling. Kit felt that everything was fading away and was slowly giving in until he felt a soft touch on his temple. His eyes opened quickly and he turned his head to Ty. He was caressing his hair, moving it away from Kit's eyes. And Kit felt his heart being flooded by warmth.

"Sleepy?" Ty asked leaning towards him and Kit unconsciously did the same. He felt Ty's warmth, his familiar scent. He felt the material of his sweater when it touched Kit's bare arm.

Then he looked him in the eyes. And that was a mistake. Because Ty was looking too. He was so mesmerizing. So beautiful that Kit didn't know what to do with himself. He literally felt physical pain. Wanted to grab Ty and never show him to anyone. Take him, so nobody could ever look at him and feel what he felt. And they were so close. So close that Kit could count Ty's lashes, could tell every shade of gray in his eyes. And could easily kiss him.

At that thought he immediately moved away. He felt blood rushing to his face, he knew he was probably red like a setting sun. He wanted to run away. What would Ty think about him now? He felt so pathetic that he almost got up and walked out but then he got a glance of Ty's face. His head down, eyes fixed on the floor and cheeks flaming with red. Kit's heart flew out of his chest, laid in Ty's hands and never came back.

#fanfiction #ty blackthorn #kit herondale #cassandra clare #the shadowhunter chronicles #kit x ty #the wicked powers #the dark artifices #kit ty #kitty #twp #tsc

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zarient · 2 years ago

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7 summers

cassian x fem!reader ,, she/her prns

part 2 soon

warnings: angst, kinda modern au cs hear me out bat boys as baseball players??? no mating bonds we love like men!! let's imagine the Illyrians can morph cs can you imagine playing baseball with heavy ass wings? exactly.

this is like sooo rushed lmfaoo just bare with me i've yet to write anything really angsty so srry if its bad idk but i'll take criticism

everyones POV i guess

based off this songgg. i literally love morgan wallen so much

Three centuries, three centuries– that's a long time to be with someone. You learn and study each other, get used to each other and embrace everything the other has to offer. You experience with each other and grow together as one. Connecting deeper than most.

"I just need space." His voice is so far, so empty and nonchalant, how long had he been planning this? you think.

"Space? Space for what?" You're confused. The pit in your stomach growing, knowing what's coming.

"For myself Y/n I don't know, why else would I need space." He cracks a bit frantically shrugging, his tone sarcastic.

"Oh so what, you're overwhelmed now!?, after being in a relationship for three centuries!?" You scoff, voice raising out of frustration.

"Please don't make this harder for me Y/n."

"Harder!? For you!? What the actual fuck." you sigh exasperated and blinking away tears. "Fuck you Cassian, actually. You can get the fuck out now." You point to the door, accepting this fate.

With a long sigh and a hard rub at his face he nods with a quiet yup and turns to leave.

━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━

He tried to forget.

Pushed his muscles past their limits to forget. Let his body ache for days after to forget that night.

He stayed after you told him to leave, was outside your door for hours listening to your sobs. Regretting. He thought what he was doing was right for him, for you.

Baseball had been his priority and you knew that and you loved him for being so passionate about it. No matter what happened with the sport you stayed beside him, you loved him through his sour attitudes after a losing game, you loved him when he had to leave too soon for meetings.

You loved him.

And he let that go because he thought you'd leave him first for what he had coming up, A stupid, childish mistake he regrets everyday.

And when your sobs quieted and turned into soft snores he decided to go to the house of wind. He did say he needed space after all and with some inner circle members being at the townhouse he couldn't think like he needed too.

━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━

In between being broken and healing he met Nesta. Older sister to Feyre and almost instantly he fell for her. She felt different and he liked that.

He didn't know what it was about her that he was so attracted too but he invited the feeling and accepted it.

Until year three.

When he saw you again. Walking into Rita's wearing the most extravagant revealing dress he had ever seen on you. Practically drooling, he dragged his family closer to the restaurant, considering this his second chance he was ready to talk to you, to explain his feelings and why things happened the way they did.

You had just wanted a chill night out with your friends, getting drunk and dancing all over each other. Not having a chat with your ex of three years over the reasoning of your break up. You got the drunk part down but the dancing not so much. "Cassian- Cassian listen-" mans was a sad drunk today and didn't want to listen to you for shit. He was focused on spewing his heart out when you could barely see out your left ear and hear out your eyes.

So you grab his face in both hands and kiss him. It's sloppy but it's enough to shut him up. "Oh- oh god I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking-" He pulls back and examines your face for a moment before he slams his lips against yours. "It's okay Y/n you have no idea how long i've wanted to have this again."

the slight soberness from the emotions you both were feeling was enough for him to realize his feelings for Nesta were nothing compared to his love for you. And thats what it had been. He loved you and was infatuated with her. Convinced himself it was a crush to get over you.

In the distance his family watched, shocked. Nesta who had to deal with Cassians eyes on her for a year grabbed her drink and shot it back like it was water "woo!" she smiles and thanks the mother for setting her free.

#cassian x reader #acotar fanfiction #acotar x reader #baseball #batboys #cassian x you #cassian fanfic #cassian my beloved #acotar #acotar fic #Spotify

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moonjxsung · 2 months ago

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NOO ITS OKAY ITS OKAY‼️‼️‼️ uni has been beating the shit out of me so trust me ik how it is

I've been pretty good 💞 starting school again hit me like an absolute truck I was NOT prepared for the senior year workload 😭 but I'm starting to get back into it and I'm doing okay with all my classes this semester (so far...) I'm debating waiting a year to start veterinary school but I also feel like I should just get it over with 😭 the sooner I start the sooner I finish. Gap years are always hard but idk yet. I'm just excited to graduate from here man 😭 get me outttt

my birthday was fun 🙌 I usually don't do much but a couple of my friends wanted to take me out for the big 20. We went to a Keane concert down in Berkeley and it was really fun, they sound amazing still. And then we stayed there one night and went to a baseball game in Oakland while we were there. That's what I love about having a summer birthday; I can actually do trips and stuff without worrying about deadlines and things 😭

AND YES OMGGG I saw this one girl posting about ticketing for the Seoul concerts and there was like half a million people in the queue like just before her 😭 I am not going to survive ticketmaster

Also the time thing like hello??? what do you mean case 143 was not one but TWO years ago... that's not real. Honestly sometimes it feels like ATE and Rock Star didn't even happen 💀 like I forget about them and my mind just goes back to five star and oddinary sometimes on accident when I think of the last cb

and thank you so much for the advice I know it'll get better 🙏 now that it's getting closer it feels more real, but I do really think it'll be good in the long run, and that helps. I am also so excited for fall like it's literally my favorite thing ever 🤭 when I'm stuck in bed post op I will ABSOLUTELY be binge watching scary movies and my favorite fall shows and eating my weight in Halloween candy (probably not the best plan of action bc I'm going to be stuck there for a while but ykyk..)

I hope your meeting went well, the procrastinating sleep when I know damn well I'm going to need it is so me 😓 I know I'll regret it in the morning but like... staying up late and watching skz edits and content is so much more fun than sleeping, yk???

ANYWAYS I wish you the world's longest naptime filled with cool pillows and soft blankets and warm kitties like momo and miley and many many hours of good quality sleep ❤️🤞 I love you so so much and I send you a virtual kiss along with your daily kitties and a sungie

💋💋 MWAH MWAH I love you star 💕💕💕

UGHHH that sounds so stressful I am so sorry bby ☹️ sending u allllllll the love and good vibes in the WORLDDDDD u got this I believe in u so hard !!!!!

Also no way you were in OAKLAND????? LIKE OAKLAND CA???????? STOPPPPPP YOU WERE LIKE 40 MINUTES AWAY FROM ME EJFKCKDKDMDFJJDKSJE THATS INSANE ????? I hope you had the best time ahhhh that sounds like so much fun!!!! I haven’t been back to Berkeley in a little while but I was there for a concert a few years back and we stopped at this waffle dessert place that was sooooo fucking good I still think about their Nutella waffles every single day of my life 💔 I’m taking you out for Nutella waffles next time you’re in Oakland

MDJFKSKFKFJFK ISNT IT CRAZYYYY HOW FAST TIME IS GOING like wym case 143 was 2 years ago????? Somehow I feel like I’m still stuck in 5-star era I swear we got the s-class teasers just last week 😭 the tour looks like sooo much fun and I’m so excited to see what else skz have in store for us AAAAAA I can’t wait for them to come back to Cali for tour 🤞☀️🫶

I can’t believe September is just breezing past too like we’re almost a month away from your surgery!! How are you feeling about it? Are you nervous at all? I tend to feel really excited when I have surgeries bc I just get to lie in bed all day and everyone takes care of me LMAOOO I hope it’s the same thing for you bby!!! Pls watch all the fun Halloween movies and eat so much candy for me 🫶 I’ll eat my weight in Halloween candy so we can twin

Anyways I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH MY ANGEL I am sending you sm love I can’t wait to hear all about how the rest of your September goes and I’m rooting for you until surgery 🫶 also I can’t remember if I have you on discord but if you need anything until then or you need to chat while you’re in recovery, feel free to hit me up there !! (Moonjxsung) I LOVE UUUUUUU 💞🫶💓💓💓💓❣️🧚‍♀️ here’s momo she loves u so much ‼️‼️

#ask

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little-corritrice · 7 months ago

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*Fred & George ~ Skipping

First Year [10-11 y/o]

Hogwarts was so magical, and anything a kid could dream of. I was your average happy kid, and looking forward to the magical experience. Two-red headed twins caught my attention as they walked up to the sorting hat, and were put into Gryffindor. They were all excited and ran to their seats after. I was after them, and I was a nervous wreck. "Hm...I know the perfect spot for you." The sorting hat said. "Gryffindor!" It yelled, and I let out a breath of relief. I walked over to the table, seeing the twins waving me over. "Hello. I'm Fred." One said, and I smiled. "I'm George." The other said, shaking my hand lightly. "I'm y/n." I said quietly and they chuckled. "We're going to be great friends." They said together, and I laughed with them, beaming with joy.

Second Year [11-12 y/o]

Throughout the year, I pulled pranks with Fred and George, all of us being joined by the hip. There wasn't a single moment we weren't causing chaos to Hogwarts. We currently were in the Great Hall and they were messing around with their food. Their brother, Percy, scolded them shortly, shaking his head. They sat their pouting, and I giggled to myself at their faces. They looked up, giving me a smirk. We spent the rest of our year playing around, pranking people, and just bringing joy to Hogwarts.

Third Year [13-14 y/o]

Me and the twins were still joined by the hip, always doing things together. Their brother, Ron, was finally coming to Hogwarts. I was extremely excited and bouncing in my seat on the train. They obviously could tell my excitement and reassured me that I would meet him soon enough. As we all gathered in the Great Hall, I was growing impatient. "Why's it taking so long?" I complained, bouncing in my seat. "McGonagall is talking to them. Just calm down, y/n/n." George laughed, holding my shoulders down. I sighed, shaking my hands. "Sorry, I'm just so excited." I squealed, seeing them coming in. I literally almost screamed at how adorable he was. I gave him a soft smile, and waved, to which he returned and turned away with red cheeks. "Aww!" I exclaimed, holding the twins hands. They chuckled, finding it adorable.

Fourth Year [14-15 y/o]

It was now the fourth year of school. In all honesty, if it weren't for the twins, I would have been that one quiet kid throughout my school years. It just makes me appreciate them more and more. I was so protective of Ron, and he always blushed from the attention I'd give him. The twins always found it quite adorable how attached I was to their brother, but sometimes got jealous when I gave him more attention then them. But I always reminded them it was them first. Even when their baby sister was kidnapped by Tom Riddle, I was there to comfort them as best as I could. Eventually, we got through the year without anymore trouble.

Fifth Year [15-16 y/o]

If they weren't cute before, they definitely were now. The seemed to have gone through a growth spurt as we all became teenagers. We were still closer than ever, and somewhat matured. We still caused mayhem around the school, pranking the teachers, Ron, and so many others all the time. Within it all though, everyone was happy and content. The summer was even better as I spent the time at the Burrow again since last year was so much fun. Ron was still my little bean, and that wasn't going to change even though he was getting older.

Sixth Year [16-17 y/o]

Now, this is when things started to change. New emotions, and feelings, began swarming the air. Definitely not helping my crush on the twins. Of course, feelings were suppressed and thrown into the back of our heads. Feelings weren't the only things changing. Hogwarts was becoming more unsafe by the minute. Of course, the twins ignored it, and wanted to join the Tri-Wizard Tournament. I protested, but let them do as they pleased because I knew it wasn't going to work. This year was also the Yule Ball. It didn't take long before George asked me to go with him. Fred asked Angelina, and we couldn't be happier. Overall, probably the best year yet.

Seventh Year [17-18 y/o]

Hell. Actual Hell. Umbitch came to Hogwarts, and the Ministry of Magic decided to stick their noses into Hogwarts. Rules after rules, punishments after punishments, it was the worst year. The twins got their own rule where they can't sell products. I found it really funny she went that far to give them their own rule. Though, none of that stopped them, and it seemed to have pushed them off. After her blood quill finally hurt so many people, they decided to finally leave. Of course, I left with them since one, I could not handle anymore of that stupid detention, and two, I promised the twins I would go with them if they ever left.

??? Year [18-19 y/o]

Gosh, I can't even put into words what I'm feeling right now. Of course, everything was changing with the Wizarding World, along with the life of us. The twins shop was booming, and I couldn't be happier to be by their side while all of this happens. The joke shop brought happiness and joy to young kids as Voldemort was on the move and causing destruction. We had to move Harry Potter from his house to the Burrow, but in doing so, Mad-Eye got killed, and George had his ear cut off. Even with these events, Fleur's and Bill's wedding was today, and everyone thought it was going to be okay. I danced around with Fred and George, but it seemed the death eaters wouldn't stop their attacks. As the wedding was destroyed, all of us had to go into hiding again. Maybe this year was the worst.

??? Year [19-20 y/o]

The day had finally come. The Second Wizarding War was here, and everyone was trying their best to protect the ones they love, along with their school. Voldemort finally came and was trying to take over. Me and the twins were fighting beside each other until George and Percy got separated from us. It was just me and Fred now, taking on a bunch of Death Eaters. However, as soon as Percy and George were with us again, a Death Eater casted a spell at the wall behind me and Fred. Before any of us could react, we were buried in the rubble. You know how people say time goes slower when in a life or death situation? That's exactly what this was like. Me and Fred held each others hands as we prepared for the impact, and never let go. Of course neither of us planned to die, but sometimes, life has a different fate than the one you want.

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bayleaf-2 · 1 year ago

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Hi so I didn't make any coding progress today, hence why I didn't post anything, but I did draw all day! Lotta info incoming so here! Here goes! I already did transcripts and stuff for a friend who has some but not all context and I'm. Very very tired so sorry gang but I'm not adding additional context. Also some of the tone might seem weird, cause again, directly to friend and not tumblr

That being said, big thing first! Started some design mockups for Arc 5, character notes included. Got damn the compression on this is bad sorry gang.

The first one is how Lyra looks literally the day after the campaign ends! That design's title is "The worst of it" because I don't know for sure how long that'll last, for multiple reasons (How long Lisp can fuck with Ioun's ritual until the library notices, how long Lyra's in this state of "make it to the next day" grief, etc) but I do know that this is their lowest point, so it feels best to label it as such if I don't have another reference point to label with, at least for the time being. The bullet points are as follows:

Feels dysphoric (outfit helps)

Now that they're not rushing through everything and actually have time to think about how they feel and also don't have to wear high tier armor all the time, Lyra realizes that she's not…actually happy being in such boxy clothes, among other things. I hesitate to go into any more detail cause I don't wanna trigger anyone else's dysphoria, but they change into a looser, more fem outfit. I'm realizing now that the silhouette still looks similar because I'm not as good with drawing clothes, but imagine it's like. Flowy and soft rather than boxy and thick. (Yes this is bc I wanted to give her a design changed but I also realized they'd want the same thing, it's been like. months)

"One day at a time"

Kind of explained before, but I'll elaborate a bit more just cause: They lost their entire family. They lost like 3 out of 4 of the people most important to them. He's almost 300, so he's probably lost someone before, but not like this. Not because of something so world changing, not with the world itself almost waiting for her to get over it so she can help fix everything (or at least that's how she feels.)

Feels bad seeking comfort from or being comforted by the library

The library is something that's connected very strongly to Ioun! He feels like Khunoth and Emily would be furious at him for that, Emily especially. Now does Lyra need to talk to someone? Absolutely. Is he gonna feel any less guilty? Not really.

2nd mockup: Titled "approximately winter" because iirc the campaign started at like…the tail end of summer, and it's been about 3 months (2 months of travel time and 1 month of Actual Shit happening) but don't quote me on the exact timing. Hence the approximately. It could be the beginning of winter, or the end. I also wanted to encompass the whole season to leave wiggle room time-wise for the emotional recovery aspect.

Dysphoria gone! Yay! A combination of them feeling better emotionally and the thing that was causing it being gone. She's more confident again, yippee!

Quest full-time? Maaaybe by this point, he's spending most of his time outside the library going on Kate's quest and looking for the book. Again, it's a timing thing. I imagine once they're in a good enough state for it, they go like. Full detective on it and have a notebook dedicated to their findings and stuff. Additionally, if this is the case, they probably go by Elion at this point! For the record, if any of her family members were still around, she'd probably prefer that they call her Lyra.

Old party members find her Speaking of which! If any of the people from Elion's other parties were to find him, they would've found him by this point, most likely. It's been a while since the godslaying ended and the funeral's happened so word's gotten out about who was involved. Now, based on my memory (but the last time we got recognized was a while ago) people knew the names of the godslayers, but not the faces. There are people who've been tracking the party, but that's a small group, I think. So Elion's party members miiiight not know she's a godslayer unless she tells them? Again, questionable how much the general public knows, and we've been getting adventuring parties sent after us so. It could go either way.

Sorry if this is like. Unfollowable without context, I might fix it in the morning. I also will say, the reason old party members is getting brought up at all is because a friend wanted to hug Lyra after hearing what happened to them and I said ":v she- she's been in other parties, you could have one of your characters know her iyw-" and they said yes, so I'm trying to think about it now, just for funsies XP

There's more art, but with how long this post already is I'm just gonna post em separately.

#long post #c: dnd related #lyra #lore drop #cee draws

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chlerc · 1 year ago

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on the move ; jude bellingham

— summary; being in love with the guy you said yes to no-strings attached has to be the worse thing ever. He made it worst by moving to Madrid, no goodbyes.

pairing — jude bellingham x fwb!f. reader ( third person story )

word count — 1070 with a mix of social media posts.

content — lil angst(?) the girl who wants a forever with the guy who’s always on the move for his career. lil tadbit of asshole & toxic jude i think

NAVIGATION + author’s note: tbh idk where this went near the end, it’s sketchy…

is jude toxic if he’s based off this song…

Liked by judesgf, judeupdates and 29,462 others

ftballwags Jude Bellingham spotted with rumoured girlfriend, @ynusername ( last picture from her story captioned 2+2=22 in black and yellow )

View all 1,927 comments

files4jude damn he got a girl now

luvjb22 she’s literally so gorgeous…

jbellinghamdaily caption @ my account wrongly, that’s me sorry guys

Liked by gioareyna, jobebellingham and 2,581,654 others

judebellingham what a place 🇬🇷

View all 8,532 comments

jobebellingham who the flowers for

judebellingham @jobebellingham a cute photographer / my stalker

gioareyna cutie 😍

judebellingham @gioareyna all you 😘

ftballwags the flowers 🫣

j22de flowers are for me calm down guys

WAKING UP IN THE embrace of Jude had become her favourite thing over the past month. It was the way he had his arms around her waist, legs tangled with each other, the warmth radiating off his bare body and the comfort within him.

Him sleeping over at her apartment wasn’t foreign anymore, not with how the friendship escalated between them. From a friend to the rumoured girlfriend who in truth was actually a friend with benefits. Pictures of them together all over every social media platform but not once had Jude denied it but fueling it.

Her eyes gazed upon him as she adjusted to the golden streaks pouring in through her curtains. He had the kind of face that stopped her in her tracks. He was the kind of handsome that got into her bones, that spoke to her of olden times before he’s said a word. And he was so handsome as he slept, that steady heart, those steady breaths, more than enough to make her feel something she shouldn’t have.

She reaches for her phone and the screen lighting up, notifications flooding her lock screen but one catches her attention. “@fabrizioromano OFFICIAL: Jude Bellingham, Real Madrid player until 2029 for €103m plus 30% add ons!” She could feel the way her heart dropped, the blaring ringing sound in her ears and beads of tears threatening to spill.

“Why are you crying, m’love?” Jude shuffled under the covers, fingers running to swipe the tears off her cheeks as his hand cupped the back of her head. “You’re playing for Madrid next season?” The vulnerability in her voice almost broke him with how soft her sentence came out. “Yeah.” That was all he could get out knowing what was coming next.

“You’re leaving Dortmund? I thought you said you were staying.” Jude takes the moment to sneak a quick glimpse of her before looking away again, unable to maintain eye contact with her. “I did but if a club like Real Madrid offers you a contract would you have said no? It was for my career, not the money. Any amount of money from the team wouldn’t have been able to get me to stay.”

She knew this was coming all along, the talks and posts of Jude transfering to Madrid during the summer transfer yet she still got herself tangled in his mess. “So you’re moving to Madrid?” Her lips quivered at every word she’d said, struggling to compose herself when she should and had to. “Yeah, of course I‘m leavin’. You wouldn’t expect me to travel to and fro Spain, would ya?”

“So you’re leaving me behind too.” She mumbles under her breath, hoping to god Jude hadn’t heard it but he did with the close proximity between them. “There’s no way you’re acting sappy all up on me now. You went into this knowing you’ll never get anything out of it, I'm not staying just because you want me to or you need me.”

He untangles himself from her, throwing on his white sweatshirt that was on the floor. This was the kind of talk he wanted to avoid and he had never expected it to be with her. “I tell you I love you every night and I wake up to find you’re leaving for Madrid? I’m not even mad you’re leaving for Madrid, I’m mad I had to find out through a Twitter notification and not you when you were right in front of me this whole time.”

“Yeah what were you expecting me to say? I’m leaving for Madrid, whatever we have now ends here. No shit that was going to hurt your feelings like it is now but I told you that nothing will ever come out of this. Weren’t all your ‘I love you’ platonic?” There’s a hint of frustration in his speech as he huffed, hands crossed over his chest as he towers over his girl who was now standing. Once his girl, in his heart.

“Platonic? I literally am in love with you, Jude. The bare minimum you could do was to tell me you signed a contract with them, that would have prepared me for all this. I would have celebrated it and let you leave just like that.” She refuses to let him see the tears she’s gonna weep for him, not when he was being heartless but right.

“Love love love, all this bullshit coming from you. Then just continue being in love with me but I’m telling you I’m not staying for you. Wow it’s like you’re making me choose between my career and you! We agreed there’d be no love between us and you agreed, don’t push the blame on me like I’m heartless.” No one could ever experience it and she wished no one would ever experience the sorrow she felt. It’s almost like she’s his plaything, using it and throwing it however he wants.

“So it was something like you leading me on? Not addressing the girlfriend rumours?” And when his eyes were shifty and looking everywhere but her, it was more than a clear sign she needed. “No, not leading you on. I was just tryna be a gentleman but you obviously misunderstood that too. Addressing the rumours only makes it more complicated that it already is now, and you’ll just misunderstand it too.”

“I think you should leave, it does end here like you said. You’re not heartless, I was just stupid and wanted more from you even though you promised nothing. Thanks Jude, for opening my eyes.” She smiles meekly at him, not quite like the same smile he’d always see that reaches her eyes. “Yeah that’s what I’m doing, you’re living in wonderland and dreaming. Wake up, I’m not like how you imagined me to be. Nothing lasts forever, get over it.”

God he had been exactly how she imagined him to be but without this part. He definitely was everything she wanted even now despite everything he had said. Her eyes followed Jude as he left her bedroom, the shuffling of his feet and the slamming of the front door.

She should have known nothing lasts forever, she had walked into it knowing she’d never get anything out of it. She isn’t getting anything out of it and that shouldn’t affect her, that was what she planned to do after hearing his words. Nothing lasts forever, get over it.

Liked by gioareyna, masonmount and 348,937 others

ynusername ibiza, you were amazing 🤍

View all 3,826 comments

gioareyna miss you

ynusername @gioareyna miss you too, catch up soon when i’m back in dortmund 💋

sofiamartinez gorgeous girl love ya

ynusername @sofiamartinez love you 🤍🤍

ftballwags absolutely stunning 😍

julianbrandt Ist diese hübsche dame single? (is this pretty lady single?)

ynusername @julianbrandt haha nein, aber für dich könnte ich 😂 (haha no, but for you i could)

Liked by ynusername, jb22daily and 34,837 others

ftballwags Stories of rumoured girlfriend of Jude Bellingham, looks like there’s no more Jude in the picture. ( last picture from her bf’s story. )

View all 4,937 comments

ynusername 🤍

ftballwags @ynusername 🤞

judesgf NOW I HAVE A CHANCE 💪

jude_updates_22 damn i was rooting for them

bvb.updates bottled it like the title 😓

Liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham and 693,927 others

ynusername Love, Madrid 🎞️

View all 4,837 comments

gioareyna always stunning

ynusername @gioareyna can’t even see my face 🙄 but thank you gio 😘

gioareyna @ynusername still pretty in my eyes

jobebellingham food looks good

ynusername @jobebellingham always saved some for you 😁

judebellingham pretty girl

ftballwags @judebellingham 🤔👀

charlottehartz my girl (who has a bf) 💋💋

ynusername @charlottehartz nope, all yourssss

Liked by jobebellingham, gioareyna and 6,065,709 others

judebellingham recently but life was better with you

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gioareyna your fault though 😓

judebellingham @gioareyna like i didn’t know that

jobebellingham fire caption 🔥 took you 7 months to realise

judebellingham @jobebellingham 🤬🤬

bvbdailupdates blud thinks we’re clueless

ftballwags now this is kinda sad

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anomaliex · 10 days ago

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No fuck wait now that I'm thinking about their relationship I'm hyperfixating again save me.

I like to think that Riz and Fabian have gen been together since sophomore year (like they talked about it between defeating the nightmare king and unleashing the night yorb) and it doesn't even mess with canon that much. Fabian can still have had his summer fling with Aelwyn I think Riz is super openly like "yeah I like being close to you but please have sex with literally anyone else" * and he can also still have his obsession with Ecaf and Riz can be very concerned about both (for different reasons) like "hey Fabes ily and I encourage you to have interest in other people but what the fuck." "It's a mirror guys Fabian can do better than a mirror??" (And honestly Fabian is a little shitty about it but they like, work it out. Relationships are hard especially polyamorous ones okay. Especially if you're like seventeen.)

*not that he had sex with Aelwyn, because apparently he's a virgin before Mazey. From which I can only interpret that he made out with Aelwyn twice and then got SO nervous/intimidated and ran lmao

But uh YEAH they've been together for a while before Mazey shows up and then there's some miscommunication with that "Why do you always bring up The Ball?" (It's actually funny how well canon works with Fabriz w/o there being any Fabriz at all) but they work it out and Mazey is cool with it and Mazey and Riz get along fine and are friends and everything is fine and cute and HONESTLY? Riz has to hype Fabian up to initiate stuff with Mazey I said it lmao.

And also, like, Riz is more of a private guy than Fabian and there are times where he fully dislikes physical affection, and even when he doesn't I don't think he'd be a fan of pda. Also until he starts attending every club I genuinely think most of the student body doesn't know what he looks like aside from yearbook photos. Like "oh yeah the bad kids are this adventuring party that's saved the world that's crazy. They have a rogue I have never seen him at school before??" Because something something bonkers stealth bonus + being very small and not only easy to overlook but probably has ways to be in hallways etc as little as possible because he doesn't want to get trampled in between classes so YEAH people don't see Riz much. What I'm getting at is that no one knows Fabian and Riz are together (note that I do say "are together" rather than "dating" on purpose) because why would they?? None of their business anyway. It's not a secret but it's just, like, not super noticeable. Fabian says "I love you" loudly if Riz waits for him after practice or smth but Fabian is openly affectionate with his friends so this probably doesn't tick most people off.

Anyway yeah that's why Mazey didn't know about them. And most of the school knows Fabian and Mazey are dating pretty quickly (Fabian is popular and they like, hold hands and kiss and shit in front of people before she graduates) but almost no one knows about Riz and I assure you that in their senior year there's a party at Seacaster Manor and Fabian and Riz might be high as balls and they're kissing each other's faces off** and someone is like oh my god??? Seacaster is cheating on Mazey? And several people who were on the student council with her when she was still in school send Mazey texts like "hey sorry if you're maybe not dating anymore but I thought you were and you should know this? :(" and Mazey forwards all of them to their ridiculously named groupchat and laughs at them.

**(Kissing. NOT making out. Based of my own experience with asexuality and autism sensory issues lol but like, I think Riz loves kissing if he's in the mood for it because it's physical intimacy. It's warm and soft and makes him feel so close to his partner. But the second there's too much spit or, like, gods forbid tongue it's really gross and he feels his skin crawl and he needs to get out of there. Tried it once for science even though he was pretty sure he wouldn't like it and then genuinely had to take a bath. Kissing is fine with him as long as no one opens their mouth basically. Speaking of that one attempt he probably like, asked Fabian randomly. And afterwards Fabian felt bad for three days even though he did nothing wrong. Slightly pathetic. I adore him.)

Anyway I think about Mazey meeting Telemaine a lot. I think he would like her (certainly more than Riz LOL). So happy that his grandson has found such a graceful dancer to be at his side. She'd think he's maybe a bit much but they'd probably get along.

Fabian being the most popular kid in school and the captain of the bloodrush team (since freshman year?? I feel like we don't acknowledge enough that this is insane) and also a straight a student is already incredibly funny to me but the fact he personally killed toxic masculinity (in his opinion) and is, in my opinion, at least a little queer, makes it even better.

Like GOD he's so stereotypical teen movie big mouthed rich jock but he's also not that at ALL and he respects women and he loves his friends so much and he's genuinely such a sweet kid and I love him. I like to think there were guys (especially on the owlbears) who, for maybe a week, were like wow Fabian dances now that's gay (derogatory) (and for the record I know he was flamboyant before but BEFORE he was still trying to be a macho champion guy so it was different but now he's /just/ flamboyant) but Fabian exorcises the toxic masculinity and homophobia out of them. How does he do it? I don't know. It's magic. He's magic.

Im a qpr Fabriz + romantic Mazey/Fabian truther so its extra funny to me that Fabian is like this. Incredibly cool popular hot guy that everyone likes and probably a lot of people are attracted to that throws banger parties and his girlfriend pulls out twister at said parties and doesn't drink (good for her) and is apparently considered unattractive (i like to think this is a. Fantasy racism thing? The less human or elf like a race looks ((like orcs, or goblins, or, well, minotaurs)) the worse off they are) and he also has a fucking loser "boyfriend" (I think they'd prefer the word partner but why would other ppl know that) who YES has a glow up in junior year and is semi-popular but he's certainly not who you'd except Fabian Aramais Seacaster to kiss. Also I'm pretty sure Riz is mostly popular amongst people who are objectively bigger Highschool hierarchy losers than him on the basis of being younger and not being part of the most impressive adventuring party in school lmao.

Speaking of Fabian and Mazey she's taller than him thank you very much. Tall beautiful athletic girlfriend and scrawny short king partner Fabian is the happiest polyam bisexual in the world /j

#rambling into the void #ship rambles #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fabian aramais seacaster #mazey phaedra #riz gukgak #aroace riz gukgak #queeries #fabian x riz #fabian x mazey #headcanons

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destiny-fics · 2 years ago

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Summer Sessions-The Lifeguard Tower:Lee Juyeon

[Lee Juyeon x Fem!reader]

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Country Club!au

Summary: Lifeguard training with Juyeon is going…interestingly, but, no matter how many times you get pushed in the pool by one of Juyeon's fans, he insists you're getting better at saving lives every day. He'll just have to reward you for it, and who are you to deny yourself a reward?

Warnings: Smut, flirting, making out, marking, y/n gets pushed in the pool a couple of times, Juyeon's fans are a lot, mention of pegging, petnames: baby, sweet thing, sweetheart, darling, unprotected sex, please wrap before you tap

Part of the 'Summer Sessions,' series. Read the rest here

General Taglist: @hiseu @yeosayang @avyskai @whatudowhennooneseesyou @foxdaisy @lickslixie @maskedmochiii

Series Taglist: @sanghak-enthusiast @thethreekims @alyricalhigh @nichobins @smuchsmut @alecanal93 @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @earthtosohn @quiltykissed @lucentchan @sunwooyeon

Smut under the cut. Minors Do Not Interact.

If you didn't know any better, you would almost be certain that Juyeon's fans hated you.

You did know better however, and you knew that it wasn't a personal vendetta against you, you were just close to Juyeon.

And therefore that meant you were some sort of competition to them.

However, as you were walking back from the pool to grab a towel which wasn't soaking wet, a cackling Sunwoo and a sheepish Juyeon in tow, you were beginning to question whether it really was personal or not.

"You keep laughing Kim Sunwoo and I will stick this towel so far up your ass you'll be feeling it for days." You grumbled, making Sunwoo only laugh harder.

He winked, wiggling his eyebrows at you. "You promise I'll be feeling it for days?" You glared, smacking him across the back of the head with the towel. The action effectively shut Sunwoo up, making him yelp in pain. "Ow! Fine. I'll stop laughing."

"You better. Besides, you know I always make good on my promises." Now it was your turn to laugh as Sunwoo’s mouth dropped open in a silent gasp. Juyeon chuckled, patting his chest as he walked past and you shook your head, following him. "That should shut him up for a bit."

"Maybe for about ten seconds," Juyeon grinned, looking behind him at Sunwoo who still had his jaw on the floor. "Then he'll be begging you to peg him every time you see him."

You sighed and looked back over your shoulder, before turning to Juyeon. "I've created a monster haven't I?"

"Funny. I said that about the girl who pushed you in the pool after I smiled at her once."

"Yeah," you narrowed your eyes at him. "Don't think I haven't forgotten about that."

Juyeon laughed softly, shaking his head. "I wasn't expecting you too, you're quite literally still soaking wet."

"Oh really? I hadn't noticed," you sighed as you and Juyeon reached the staff room. "Juyo, you've got to do something about your admirers. There's only so much unnecessarily being pushed in the pool during training I can take."

"I know butterfly, I'm sorry," Juyeon pulled you close by the waist and kissed your forehead gently. "I'll take care of it. I promise."

"Thank you," you smiled, reaching up to mess up his hair. "And you better not let Jacob hear you call me butterfly. That's his thing."

"Guess I'll just have to find my own thing then."

"Guess you will," you grinned and after a quick scan of the room to check no one was coming, leaned up to press a soft kiss to Juyeon's lips. You'd been getting gradually more confident with showing affection to the boys recently and they were responding very enthusiastically.

If maybe a little too enthusiastically.

"You're going to get all wet Juyo," you hummed softly, pulling away from him.

"Maybe that can be our thing," Juyeon grinned "getting wet together."

You raised an eyebrow at him "not if it ends up with me being pushed in the pool again."

"What if it ends with me pushing inside of you?" Juyeon pulled a face at the end of his sentence as he heard the words come out of his mouth and you laughed, patting his chest.

"Then I might consider it. But for now? I need to go get dry and you have some lives to save."

Juyeon sighed "I suppose, if I must."

"You definitely must," you smiled before pressing another kiss to his lips and bouncing off into the staffroom, leaving a very pink Juyeon behind.

Over the course of the next week your lifeguard skills began to steadily improve. Maybe that was due to Juyeon's excellent training, or maybe it was due to his admirers no longer shoving you out of the way and into the pool every other hour.

You were pretty certain it was a combination of the both.

But whatever it was, you definitely weren't going to complain about it.

The sun was setting slowly, painting the sky a delightful combination of swirling pinks, yellows and oranges when you and Juyeon began to pack up for the day, slowly taking all of your equipment from the poolside up to the lifeguard tower. It was less of a tower and more of a slightly elevated shed, but tower sounded nicer.

“You know, you’re actually getting really good. I think a couple more sessions with me supervising and you’ll be able to go on shift by yourself.”

“You think so?” You turned to smile at Juyeon as you placed a crate down, smile brightening when he nodded.

“Mhm. You’ve kind of got a natural talent for it.”

“For lifesaving?” You raised an eyebrow. “You flatter me Juyeon.”

“I mean it y/n. People seem to feel safe around you even though you’re still training,” he moved behind you, arms wrapping around your waist and his hands settled on your stomach. You leaned back into his frame and tilted your head to look up at him with a smile.

“I mean, maybe I do have a talent for it.”

Juyeon laughed and leaned down to peck your lips “maybe? Baby you’re selling yourself short.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my teacher. And because you like me.”

Juyeon scoffed in mild offence and shook his head. "While I am your teacher, and I do like you very much," he pressed a kiss to your nose, which made you giggle. "You're also picking things up so fast. Way faster than Eric did."

"You trained him too?"

"Mhm. And your boyfriend trained me." You flushed at the mention of Hyunjae and shook your head. "He's not my boyfriend. We…we haven't put that exact label on it."

"Don't tell him that baby, you'll break his heart." Juyeon hooked his head over your shoulder. "You'll break all our hearts."

You sighed softly and looked at Juyeon out of the corner of your eye. He was pouting at you and the action made you roll your eyes, even as you pressed a kiss to his pout. "Maybe you should all do something about it then Juyo."

"What should we do about what baby?" You and Juyeon turned at the sound of Hyunjae’s voice to see the man leaning up against the door frame of the "tower," his arms crossed over his chest and a small smirk on his face.

"About making yourselves my boyfriends," you hummed softly, rocking on your heels. Juyeon and Hyunjae shared a look over your shoulder.

"Oh?" Hyunjae pushed off the wall to walk over to you, placing his palm underneath your chin to make you look at him. "You want that?"

"Of course I do. Don't you want me?"

"Oh we absolutely want you y/n," Juyeon hummed softly, moving your hair off of your shoulder so that he could press soft kisses to the skin of your neck. "Ever since we met you."

"Ever since then?" You sighed, head tipping back to rest on Juyeon's shoulder. Hyunjae and Juyeon shared another grin and Juyeon's hands began to trail gently over your torso.

"Mhm, so if you wanted to start calling me your boyfriend, I wouldn't be opposed at all" Hyunjae leaned forward to press a soft kiss to your lips.

"You know," you hummed softly. "I think I'll keep that in mind…boyfriend."

Hyunjae's grin was bright and he went to press his lips against yours once more when an alarm from his phone blared. Hyunjae sighed and took it out of his pocket, shaking his head "Sangyeon needs me to work on some stuff tonight though, so I'll have to leave you to it."

"Nooo," you pouted softly, blinking up at him. "Don't want you to go."

"I have to sweet thing. But don't worry, Juyo's gonna take such good care of you."

"He is?" You looked up at Juyeon with wide eyes "you are?"

"Of course I am baby. I'll take such good care of you," he purred, the tone making you shiver. Hyunjae pressed one more kiss to your forehead before leaving you in Juyeon's capable hands.

And his hands were capable indeed.

Juyeon wasted no time pressing you up against the wall once Hyunjae had left, his lips attached to yours in a desperate, messy kiss. He slipped his hand behind your back, deft fingers undoing the string tying your skirt together so that he could unwrap the material from around your waist and slip it off. The silky fabric fluttered to the floor and Juyeon's hands moved back to your thighs, squeezing the flesh softly. You gasped, pulling away from Juyeon's lips to speak against them.

"Juyo…please, do something."

"Something? What do you want from me darling, hm? Want my fingers?" He slid his middle finger over the crotch of your swimsuit, making you gasp once more. "Or my mouth?" He leaned in close to lick the shell of your ear, making you shiver. "Or my cock…" he bucked his erection into you, the action pulling a soft, sweet moan from your mouth.

"Cock, please Juyo. Want…Want all of you."

"Well, who would I be to deny you that?"

It was only a matter of time before Juyeon had you pressed up against the wall, swimsuit joining your soft silk skirt on the floor. He'd stretched you out liberally on his long, thick fingers before pressing his cock inside of you, pushing another soft moan out of you. That moan had crumbled whatever little resolve Juyeon had left and he began to fuck into you hard and fast, hips smacking against your ass. Each drag of his cock against your walls was delicious, stretching you out perfectly, making you moan and whine Juyeon's name, praises, pleas, whatever you could to get him to keep going. To not stop.

Not that Juyeon ever wanted to stop.

He'd happily stay buried within your walls forever, wrapped up in your arms forever, entangled in your world and deep under your spell forever.

"Juyo…Juyeon gonna…please."

"I know sweetheart," he whispered softly, hand coming to settle on your waist soothingly. He continued to fuck you hard through your whines and moans, even as his touch was soft and soothing. "It's okay, you can cum. I'm right…" his words trailed off into a deep groan. "Fuck I'm right there behind you."

Your walls clenched hard around Juyeon as you came, milking him for all he was worth. Juyeon buried his face in your hair as he came, cursing softly underneath his breath.

Juyeon turned you around softly once you'd both come down from your highs, slipping himself out of you with a small sigh. You leaned up on your tiptoes to press a small kiss to his lips, smiling against his mouth.

"Thank you for taking care of me Juyo."

"Of course," Juyeon grinned. "Any time. I'd take care of you forever."

The beam you gave Juyeon warmed him from the inside, as did the soft, sweet kisses you pressed to his lips as he cleaned you up and got you dressed before taking you back to the lobby so that you could go home for the day, sending you off with a wave and a bright smile.

"How'd it go?" Hyunjae’s voice startled Juyeon and he whipped his head around to look at the older man with a small smile.

"You were right. I'm completely and totally under her spell."

Hyunjae grinned knowingly and nodded, "we all are."

You didn't know it. And Juyeon supposed you never would. But each and everyone of them was completely under your spell, enchanted by you. Nothing would ever break them free.

And they didn't ever want to escape.

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oneofthosesimps · 3 years ago

Text

God knows I tried

pairing: levi x fem!reader I nsfw

word count: 7983

summary: reader comes to paradise with yelena and the others. although you are marleyan, you want to fight for the eldian. at the beginning you experience harsh rejection before levi develops feelings for you

warnings: SPOILER season 4, first time, angst, fluff, smut, harsh words

authors note: i got the idea from a request (although i interpreted it completely different and wrong, i'm sorry (still)). well, i want to elaborate and develop my writing skills a bit, which is why i'm trying out a bit at the moment. that's why i focused less on smut and more on conveying feelings. i hope you like it and once again, i'll write the story again with the theme of the actual request and more smut (it's on my list)

all credits to the artist of this pic:

Bev-Nap

-----

You feel out of place, even though you have fought so long to sit right here. Not only the icy stares of your opposite but also the tense posture of your comrades give you exactly that feeling. A silence overcomes you at the table, while you can hear the sound of metal and ammunition. You dare not lift your eyes and instead look at the cup in your hands. The tent is filled with the scent of black tea, which blends with the sound of chirping crickets to create a symphony of summer, if only it wasn't so cold. A heavy stone rests on your chest and a nervousness creeps through your body that you have rarely felt before. Your warrior heart is a wrinkled mess and you are surprised at yourself for the thoughts that are floating through your head right now. It has been a long time since you felt so small. Your gaze lifts slightly and your eyes fall on folded arms. You can see veins on his hands, winding along under his skin. They follow the contours of his muscles, which are hidden under his jacket. Wings emblazon one of his shoulders and right above his heart and you eye the beautiful symbol before your eyes travel even higher.

Frozen iron looks at you and a shiver runs down your spine. His half-closed eyes are partially covered by his black hair and yet hatred shines through them. You are paralysed for a moment before you pull away and look at the woman beside him instead. You hold your breath as she looks curiously down the barrel of the loaded pistol and your right fingers clutch the porcelain in your hand. If a shot were fired now, she would also lose her remaining sight.

A broad grin settles on her face, which is bathed in a warm orange by the lamp above you, reflecting through the lenses of her glasses, "Oh, I see. So you can shoot multiple times with it." She is wearing the same clothes as Levi and inwardly you wonder what the wing symbol is all about.

Your gaze wanders to the left and you look at the tall, blonde woman. Yelena's features are soft and you admire her for her courage and composure. If she is insecure, she has that feeling hidden deep within her and doesn't let it show through. Her eyes glance at the cup in her hand as she eyes the dark liquid, "Those are Marleyan soldiers' standard equipment." Hange's fascination does not abate and she turns the weapon from right to left.

Yelena's hand grips the handle of the cup before she takes a small sip and sets it down again, "Each Marleyan's army divisions consists of about 20,000 soldiers. There are 50 divisions in total, making around a million of them."

The brown-haired woman's face slips and you can see the surprise and shock in them. Slowly she lowers the firearm and places it on the table.

"In addition to that, they possess three fleets consisting of 21 battle ships. They've also seen incredible progress with new weapons including aerial military capabilities," Yelena continues, briefly fixing her gaze on the pistol before catching Hange's eye.

"...Aerial?" You can hear the tremor in her voice and light beads of sweat settle on her forehead. Small wrinkles form around her lips. A second later she yelps as Levi nudges her with his foot and leans towards her. His voice is low as he talks to her and you exchange brief glances with Onyankopon. His large dark eyes look at you as confused as you feel and your brow furrows. His eyes turn back to the two people opposite you and he clears his throat, "So in other words, mobile weapons that can go beyond seas and walls, and drop the enemy from the sky." His explanation seems to strike a chord with Hange and she jumps to her feet. Her chair scrapes across the floor before toppling backwards with a thud. She slams her palms down on the table and leans her upper body towards you, "They'll come from the sky?!"

Despite her joyful enthusiasm, this little phrase leaves a bitter note. Suddenly you realise again how terribly sad this situation is. Such things are normality for people on the mainland. Guns and flying ships are technologies that have been around for a long time. The whole world uses them, except for a small island in the middle of the sea. Hange has never seen such things in her life, nor have the rest of the people in this camp and within the walls. Although they are the same people, they live such different lives.

Your mouth goes dry and you take a big sip of your tea, almost burning your tongue. The feeling mixes with the pain in your chest and your heart tightens. So much has gone wrong, so much you now have to fix and undo. The weight on your shoulders seems to crush you as you continue to look to Hange, not letting on.

She leans forward even further and her face becomes thoughtful, "Marley has all that wonderful power, yet they haven't launched a proper attack on us for almost a year, why is that?"

Yelena's expression remains unchanged, "There are two main reasons." She takes her time with her words, thinking them over as she takes another sip of the dark tea. After setting the cup down she continues to speak, "The first reason is the Pure Titans that they unleashed on this island. Their existences make it hard for them to get here, even with the latest weapons. It was originally a policy meant to confine the Eldians inside the walls. However, it ended up protecting Eldian from attack."

For the first time you hear his deep voice. It sounds like dark strong honey and nestles around you. You feel as if the vibration is making the tent wall shake and goosebumps settle over you, "Seems like it. Quite ironic, I must say." He adds a snort to the end of that sentence and looks disdainful.

Yelena smiles dryly at him for a moment before lowering her gaze and breaking eye contact, "However, the day is about to break. The Titans should be active soon. Yet, we're still leisurely drinking tea here outside the wall. That means you have killed all the pure Titans on the island. Would that be correct?"

Levi's body tenses almost imperceptibly as his clothes cover much of it, but you see that his shoulders are getting even broader. The veins on his hand that you noticed earlier stand out more and you feel an electricity emanating from him. His face shows no movement and he keeps a straight face, "So what? Are you going to somehow inform Marley about it?"

This is the first time you would like to say something to convince him that you have come with good intentions and that he can trust you. But deep down you know for a reason that it will probably take the longest with him - if he will ever trust you at all.

Yelena stares at him and you can see a small smirk curl her lips, "No, It's wonderful."

Only by Levi's eyebrows can you tell he's slightly surprised as the furrow between them gets a little deeper and darker. His body tension doesn't change as he glares at you with dark eyes while Hange's right hand becomes a fist, "What's the second reason?" Her gaze wanders back and forth between the three of you.

"Marley is currently in a state of war with multiple countries," Yelena explains, "In other words, they got bigger thing to deal with. You guys have defeated Marley's trusted Warrior unit. You guys also took the Colossal Titan and the Female Titan, their key weapons. Marley is a country with many enemies. So other countries came together in a blink of an eye and then the war began."

Your gaze falls to the weapon on the wooden table and images of war run through your head. Goosebumps forms on your skin as the sound of guns being fired echoes through your head and you shake slightly. Your breathing changes through your quickening heart and you feel Levi's eyes on you for a split second.

"So that means you guys are the people of losing countries with grudges against Marley. And you infiltrated the army as some sort of intelligence agent?" The air around you thickens and grows heavier and Yelena closes her mouth. You see a small change of temper in her before you stare at Hange. Seconds pass and no one says anything before a small, happy sound comes from the brunette and she smiles broadly at you, "Oh, was that a bullseye? As I thought, you guys must have convincing enough motives and backers to betray Marley like that."

Yelena's hand tightens around her cup and Onyankopon and you do likewise. Again your heart tightens and you lower your gaze. Unnecessary guilt creeps from the depths of your soul to the brightness and spreads through your body. How many people, how many women and men and children have lost their lives? Why are you, of all people, sitting here? What can you contribute? Questions and questions swirl in your head and you literally drown in the wave that drives them.

Your thoughts almost overwhelm you Yelena's voice comes through to you, "We lost our homeland to Marley and join their army as conscripts. We're weak. We also start losing hope in opposing such a big nation. It is until we're guided by him."

Something warm mingles with the tension and darkness as her posture changes and all tension falls from her. Her chin lifts and she looks up into the brightness of the lamp above her, literally making her eyes glow. A slight smile settles on her face as her eyes glaze over, "Marley and the world feared the Titans as devils. However, it looked like something else to me. A god." At these words, she jolts and a shiver runs down your spine. Sometimes Yelena seems like a believer, as if she has seen something that is still hidden from the rest of you. In such moments you notice again how different your drives are, although you are striving for the same goal. Deep down, however, she sometimes frightens you, even if you would never admit it, but she seemed like an addict on the way to her redemption. "He gave us hope when we're at our weakest," she continues and for a moment she seems to float above the tent before coming back to the here and now and lapsing back to normality, "We shot our superior under the orders of Zeke Yeager. We're the Anti-Marleyan Volunteers. Our goal is to free the Eldian people."

"By betraying your own people?", Levi's voice echoes again through the small cloth fenced room and your eyes shoot to him. With the corners of his mouth pulled down, he meets you and you almost choke on your own saliva. Your hands form into fists and your eyebrows draw together.

"She has proven herself often enough. Her background may be different, but we fight for the same goal," Yelena's unimpressed voice pre-empts yours, but the tension between you does not subside. Instead, sparks of anger almost fly out of you. Your self-doubt has just been pulled out of you and laid bare on the table for all to see. It is raging inside you. Hange's gaze also falls on you and she examines your presence, which seems small next to Onyankopon's and especially Yelena's, from top to bottom. "Why is someone from Marley fighting for Eldia?"

Yes, why does anyone do that? Why does one fight alongside the supposed enemy to support their plans? Why do you act wholeheartedly against all that has been impressed upon you all your life?

Your nails dig into your palms and you grit your teeth, "I do not betray my people. I betray those who lead my people."

The memory mixes with the swirl of hot water in front of you. The liquid spreads in the small porcelain vessel and nestles around the leaves, which immediately begin to smell at your touch. Warm steam wets your face and makes the rest of your body shiver.

"Don't worry so much, will you?" says Niccolo from his place at the counter and raises his head. He tilts it slightly and smiles at you. His dark eyes sparkle at you across the room as his blond hair falls wildly across his forehead. It's a stark contrast to the storm going on outside. You return his gaze with a slight smile before he turns his attention back to the vegetables in front of him. The sound of steady chopping movements fills the room and you glance back at the teapot. A sigh falls from your lips and you support yourself with both hands on the countertop.

"That's easier said than done, Niccolo. You know me."

"Yes, I know you and that's why I'm sure you have nothing to worry about".

A soft huff comes out of your mouth and you roll your eyes, "Yeah, sure. That's easy for you to say, Eldian."

His head lifts again and he looks into your eyes with slightly furrowed brows, "I mean it, Marleyan". You pucker the corners of your mouth slightly at that name. Although that is exactly the right name for you, you don't identify with it. The word has a negative connotation and tends to bring bad qualities with it. And that is not you. You are not Marleyan, you are just and simply you.

His face looks more unhappy and he seems thoughtful before a smile settles over his lips again, “I trust you, we trust you and they do too. You've done so much in your time here and even before. Don't be so critical of yourself."

Your eyes fall back to the pot in front of you and you place the lid over the opening. With a push, you push yourself off the counter and cross your arms in front of your chest, "You're right.”

"Of course, I am," he smirks. His radiance continues to fill the room and his warmth reaches you, flooding you and your little heart, and your lips pull up slightly as well. Niccolo is to be envied for his positive nature. He is by far one of the nicest people you have ever had the pleasure of meeting in your life and a truly true friend. Perhaps his nature is also the reason why he is such a good cook. His nimble fingers allow his thoughts and emotions to seep into his food and every bite has a piece of his soul in it.

"I mean, you and Sasha are the best example of what can become of two opposing camps." You hear an uneven cut and see him wince slightly. His cheeks turn pink and a grin spreads across your face. He puts the knife down and places his right hand on the back of his neck, nervously stroking his hair, "Yeah, you think so?"

"Who doesn't?" the tips of his ears turn pink too. He looks cute.

"My food is just good. That's the real reason Sasha comes."

You snort. "No, Sasha comes for your food as well. But I'm sure there's another, bigger point that's much more important." Again, a smile curls his lips and he looks happy.

"I envy you for that," you murmur, your expression changing slightly. A tide of sadness settles over you, leaving your body shivering.

"Envy me? But for what?"

"I just wish I could get along with them as well. I wish I had a significant other too."

Now comes a snort from Niccolo. Surprised, you look at him and he shakes his head, "Yes, I have Sasha. But you have someone else for that". As you continue to look confused, he takes the towel from his shoulder and throws it on the countertop. "Don't act like that. I've seen the looks on his face. Don't pretend you don't know who and what I'm talking about."

You tear open your eyes and your breath catches in your throat. Immediately a heat rises to your face as you understand who he is talking about and a deep blush settles over your cheeks, far surpassing his.

"I-I don't know what you mean," you stammer to yourself as your face gets even hotter and it is now time for Niccolo to grin at you. "N-no, you've got it wrong. Levi and I ... we ... this is absolutely nothing."

"So Levi, huh?" You slap yourself for saying his first name so carelessly.

"The captain and I," you begin again, "there is nothing. I don't think there could be anything with anyone either. You know him, he's a cold lump of ice." You look down at your feet on the floor, "besides, he hates Marley and I can't even blame him."

A silence settles over you before you hear footsteps. As Niccolo puts his hand on your shoulder, you lift your gaze again and warm brown looks at you. "That may be, but I can tell you one thing: I can clearly see that he doesn't hate you".

"You think so, huh?" you bite your lower lip, unable to suppress the flutter of wings from the butterflies in your stomach. He squeezes your shoulder lightly with his hand, "I mean it, yes."

You mirror his soft smile, but it doesn't reach your heart. Maybe Niccolo is right in what he says, but it was rather unlikely and your body can't imagine Levi feeling this way. Your head tells you that's not the case. You are alone.

A knock on the door snaps you out of your thoughts and he drops his arm. The wooden door opens with a soft squeak and a dark brown pigtail pokes its head into the room. Big brown eyes look at you and you notice Niccolo's energy change.

"I hope I'm not too late," Sasha says happily and opens the door wider. Still in her uniform, which accentuates the curves of her body, she raises her hand and waves at you. You smile broadly at her and take a step back.

"Absolutely not, you're just in time. I've already got the vegetables ready," Niccolo says, grabbing the kitchen towel again. Sasha jumps in the air with happiness and runs past him to the counter with the chopping board. You see another slight blush on Niccolo's face before he turns away from you and takes his place beside her. You watch the two of them for a brief moment and your heart blossoms. Who would have ever thought that feelings could arise between two actually so hostile parties. And they both seem more than happy, even if it is hard to tell at the moment because Sasha is literally foaming at the mouth with hunger. You place the teapot on the tray next to it and leave the two of them discussing about the best temperature for the soup.

Your feet carry you through the kitchen door and you stride down a long corridor. The storm outside is slowly getting stronger, whipping against the windows. Without thinking, you walk through the building. You have been walking this way several times a day for several months now, you could serve tea in your sleep. By now you are probably even better at this than at holding a gun and fighting. When you reach the end, you stop in front of a large door.

Your knuckles touch the wood and you knock on it three times in quick succession. There is silence for a moment before Levi's dark voice comes muffled from the other side of the door, "Name and request."

You clear your throat briefly, "It's me, sir. I've brought your lunchtime tea." You hear the rustling of paper for a brief moment.

"Come in."

Your hand grips the cold metal of the door handle and you push it down.

The captain's office is probably very similar to the one in the capital, at least that's how Hange once described it to you. In his back is a large window framed by curtains, through which the sun's rays fall in the afternoon. Due to the rain today, however, it is a little darker and rather unlikely that you will be able to see the setting of the sun. The remaining walls are either empty or filled with shelves containing all kinds of books. In the back half is a massive desk, its surface almost completely filled with stacks of papers. Levi sits in his chair, as he usually does, his head bent over his papers, causing strands of his black hair to spread across his forehead.

There is a scent of detergent in the room, which mixes with his body odour. Sometimes you have the feeling that he is gradually taking on the smell of lemon and lime and regret the fall of cedar, earth and something else that you could never quite put your finger on until now. As soon as he senses your presence at the entrance, his eyes lift and your heart slips a little. You lick your lower lip to moisten it and feel your hands grow a little damp as you clutch the handles of the tray. Shadows are on his face and you can see the circles that have formed under his eyes.

For a brief moment you look at each other before you tear your gaze away and your feet move across the wooden floor.

"How are you, sir?" you ask as you set the tray down on a dresser on the left wall and take the cup and coaster in your hand.

"Tch, I already told you that you can call me Levi."

Your toes just barely touch the surface of the water and you dip them in before they come back out. It was completely silent except for the chatter of the people behind you and the sound of the ocean. Somewhere you could make out Niccolo's loud laughter and you smirk inwardly. The waves of the sea flow towards you before breaking on the piers of the pier.

The moon is still low over the horizon, but a few stars can already be seen in the cloudless sky. A gentle breeze sweeps over you and you pull your jacket tighter around you, snuggling into it. It is so incredibly peaceful and beautiful, it is hard to put into words.

"Tch, you shouldn't go so far away," says a cold, deep voice behind you, a total contrast to the rest of the scenario. Startled, you turn away from the reflection of the twinkling stars and look behind you.

His hands buried in the pockets of his suit, he looks down at you with a slightly annoyed expression and half-closed eyes. His figure is captured by the black fabric and it flatters him very much, fitting perfectly. You wonder if he had it tailored. A cold shiver runs down your spine as he eyes you.

"I-I'm so sorry, sir," you stammer, pulling your feet out of the water. Just as you are about to get up to quickly run back to the others to not annoy the captain more, he plops down beside you. Confused, you stare straight ahead and tense up as he makes himself comfortable next to you. Should you go now anyway? After a few seconds, he makes no move to tell you again, so you remain seated. The mood remains tense and does not fit in at all with the relaxing sounds around you. His hand is right next to yours and your knees are almost touching. Out of the corner of your eye you eye him and maybe it's the moonlight accentuating his contours, but he looks different. Had he always been so handsome? Such a face should be forbidden. A breeze comes up again, tousling his hair slightly, and you breathe in. Has he always smelled this good? Such a smell should be forbidden.

You look towards the moon, trying to control your rapid heartbeat. Your hands begin to sweat and the situation becomes uncomfortable. You've never spent any of your free time with him before, it doesn't feel right.

"Doesn’t it look beautiful ," you murmur to break the silence.

You hear a snort beside you and look at Levi, instantly regretting your statement. His eyes resemble the stars in the sky, even as they slowly turn dull and grey, "Yes, but at what cost?"

You frown slightly, confused by his statement and he looks past you, "How long we fought to be able to sit here."

A light goes on in your head and you bite the inside of your cheek. You didn't mean it like that, that's not what you wanted. Shame and anger come over you. Sasha told you a bit about her background when she was with you and Niccolo in the kitchen. You could never understand how much they have been through. The pain they are in is immeasurable.

"How many people I have lost to sit here," he murmurs, probably more to himself than to you, "Isabel, Petra, Erwin...", at the last name his voice breaks off and he hangs his head. The next breath of wind that surrounds you makes you freeze. This situation is cruel and deep inside you ask yourself how it came to this and why he is saying these things to you of all people. None of these names mean anything to you, but you feel his pain. You have never seen him like this, so fragile and weak. Tears come to your eyes and you are speechless. Your heart tightens and you feel the need to take him in your arms, to help him somehow. A huge burden lies on you. Your people have done this and now you have to make up for these mistakes. At that moment you realise that this will never be possible. You can never make up for something like this. It remains silent between you, the sea no longer has anything happy about it. Instead, it seems to you that every sound, every wave, reflects the cries of fallen friends, comrades and families.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, looking down at your hands, which you place in your lap. A tear drips onto them and you brush it away.

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

Your head lifts and you look at him. His gaze is averted and his knuckles turn white as he grips the edge of the pier.

"Yes, it is. Somehow it is," you murmur, seeking his gaze. As he returns it, the grey in them moves and slowly changes again. "I should have done something sooner, I'm so sorry. I can never make it right, but I'm trying to do everything in my power to make sure it never happens again. So that no one ever has to suffer at the hands of my people again, sir." Please believe me.

There it is again, the silver sparkle slowly coming back. Your heart beats heavy inside you, burning. Levi eyes you for a long time, letting his eyes glide over your features, and you do the same. You block out your surroundings, taking in only the sound of his steady breathing and the feel of his closeness.

"Call me Levi."

A barely perceptible blush settles over your cheeks once more as you set the dishes down on the only small space on the desk and remember this scene. Forms, reports and the like form a neat chaos that follows a strict principle. Never have your eyes seen even a piece of paper on this floor. He is the cleanest person you have ever met.

"Sorry, I just got so used to call you sir or captain." You lift your gaze briefly, looking into cool grey. Your assumption earlier was correct, his dark circles are darker than ever. He looks terribly tired and exhausted, but that doesn't stop him from continuing to maintain his strong posture.

You smile at him briefly before going back to the dresser. You feel his eyes on you the whole time, which sends a warm shiver down your spine.

"When was the last time you had a break?" your hands grip the porcelain of the pot. There is a silence between you as you pour him his tea. His lack of response speaks volumes and you feel sorry for him. It must not be easy being in charge next to Hange. Does he ever wish for a break inside? Does he even know such a thing? The quiet flow of liquid breaks the silence as he continues to look at you. Your nervousness increases and your butterflies fly stronger, tickling your stomach.

As always, he takes a sip of tea as soon as you finish and as always, you look at his fingers as they wrap around the top of the cup. Many times you have wondered where he had learned to drink like that, but over time your thoughts change. Instead you admire his hands, his long slender limbs that conjure up dreams in your mind. Your left hand forms into a fist as your face turns red.

"Good", he says as he raises an eyebrow and eyes you questioningly.

You just nod at him and walk quickly back to the dresser, hiding your face from him. As you put the pot back in its place, your hands tremble and you take a deep breath to slow your breathing. It is unimaginable what he is doing to you. Is this how Niccolo always feels when he sees Sasha?

Finally, you turn and look down at the floor, "Is there anything else I can do for you?" Your hands play nervously with each other as you hold them in front of your body.

Silence falls again and seconds pass, it takes longer than usual to answer this question and you are beginning to wonder if he didn’t hear you.

"No, you can go," he finally says. You nod and head for the door. You don't dare look at him again, to prevent him from reading you like a book. Because he is extremely good in this area. Sometimes he knows more about his counterpart than he does himself. Just as you are about to reach for the door handle again and push it down, you hear his voice again, "Are you happy here?"

You open your eyes slightly and turn to him. Your eyes cross again and your forehead wrinkles. His eyes look different than usual, the grey seems much warmer and ... darker? You have never seen his eyes this colour before. You swallow hard and give up trying to control your heart. His question is unexpected and you can't find an immediate answer. In fact, you've asked it yourself many times before. There is no comparison to Marley, positive or negative, it is a very different life. Either way, it feels like you're a prisoner. Like you don't belong in either world. You remember Marley, your family, who you will probably never see again because they never want to see you again. At the latest after they found out you were leaving them, you were on your own. But you are sure that they already had an idea of what it was like and that their hatred began much earlier. How different your thoughts were and are compared to those of the rest of the people there. And here in the realm of the devils, it hardly seems any different. Of course, you are now a little closer to your goal, but even here you are not welcome. You fight for people who do not want you.

"I'm not unhappy," you murmur and slump your shoulders, "I just feel lonely."

You see his head working and an emotion wash over his face. Again, there is a long silence before he opens his mouth, "Why lonely?"

"Well," you stammer a little, surprised at the direction your encounter today is taking. It's funny how much has changed since that time in the tent.

"It seems to me that everyone has their purpose, that everyone knows their place. Yelena, for example, led us here, has been our leader from the beginning. She takes care of all these important things and what do I do? I get to help Niccolo prepare the food and I get to bring you tea." Your hands form into fists and anger rises from your belly. "I'm not allowed to go anywhere near the city or you'd have to worry that I won't come back because they've put an end to my life. What have I been fighting for all this time?" Without you realising it yourself, your voice rises and you become louder. "I try to do something good, to achieve something, but nothing happens. I can't do anything. What am I doing here? What did I do in Marley? Why does everyone hate me?", the last words are more of a whisper and you feel tears welling up in your eyes. Your emotions overtake you. The anger slowly fades, leaving a bitter, nauseating taste. You are so pathetic. Your life is useless, you are useless. You stand in the office of the man who is your superior, who is supposed to look after you so that you don't betray anyone, who hates your people from the bottom of his heart and who brings out feelings in you that shouldn't be there. Your body begins to shake slightly and you wipe away individual tears. What has happened to you since that moment in the tent? You feel as if you are losing sight of your purpose, the one thing that drove you to keep living.

"I don't hate you."

You look at him in surprise. His body looks tense and you regret having such an outburst. Levi is not really one of the people you should and would pour your heart out to like that. Suddenly you feel terribly small and stupid. While you have confided in each other more and more little things over time, such outbursts of emotion is still unusual. Especially since Levi very rarely lets you see through his shell. He probably just wanted to be nice and didn't expect you to pour your heart out to him right away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have burdened you with this." You straighten your figure and smile at him. "If anything should be the matter, don't hesitate to let me know". With these words, you turn and open the door. You want nothing more than to leave this room and escape from this uncomfortable situation.

Before you can take a single step, it slams shut again. Immediately you tense up and freeze. Your eyes widen in shock and surprise. His hand is right next to your head and his body is leaning against the wood. His presence is strong and warm and you feel the need to fall backwards against him. Your belly does somersaults and the butterflies come to life. Slowly, as if in slow motion, you turn towards him and immediately press yourself against the door behind you. He is close, much too close, much closer than you suspected. His eyes sparkle at you, the grey has turned to silver which darkens as you return his gaze. You feel trapped like an animal about to be eaten by its hunter.

" You are talking bullshit, idiot," his warm breath swirls over your skin, his dark voice even deeper than usual. You expel a long-held breath and your nails dig into your skin as you form your hands into fists again. The tension between you is huge and the air is about to crackle. Your heart beats with strong, firm thumps against your ribcage. If it keeps up like this, it's going to jump out.

"Yeah, you think so?" you murmur, licking your dry lower lip. You press harder against the door as his gaze lands on your lips. Your chest almost aches from the hammering of your heart. You feel as if you are about to throw up. Your nerve endings tingle with anticipation. Very slowly his head moves towards you. If this is a dream, you don't want to wake up, ever. The movements are barely noticeable and you hold your breath again.

"Yes, I think so," he murmurs, stopping in front of your face. His silver eyes meet yours and a deep, strong feeling runs through you. He sees something in your eyes just before his lips touch yours. You don't dare move. The touch is light as a feather and your eyes close to take it in fully. His lips are much softer than you expected. They move like wings against yours and your eyes roll into your skull. Despite the light touch, whole emotions wash over you that you can barely tell apart. Lust, loss, happiness, sadness, desire, restraint. They swirl through your head and make you dizzy. He leans closer against you and you can't suppress the soft moan that escapes you. His body tenses, but he doesn't flinch. Instead, the kiss becomes more decisive, stronger. His tongue licks over your lower lip and you collapse inside. Another moan comes from you, this time a lot louder and you open your lips, greedy to get more, to taste more. The kiss breaks away, leaving you both breathless. Your head spins and all your weight falls against the door, your legs wobbly. You can't deny that you've thought about scenarios like this many times.

And your eyes meet again and your heart aches for a brief moment as you can see something in them. "This shouldn't have happened," you sum up your train of thought and speak it. The sentence hangs between you. You see the approval in his eyes, but his body makes no move in it. His chest rises almost as fast as yours and his expression is inscrutable. It almost seems as if he is fighting an internal battle, "You're right, the risk is too great."

Your head is screaming at you to leave, to say goodbye here and now and step through that door. You need to get some distance. This must never, ever happen again. Please, please go. Your head repeats these words over and over. But your gut...

"Would you take the risk again?"

Not even a second passes after you have uttered the sentence. Not even a second passes before his lips land on yours again. This time it is completely different. The kiss is more brutal. Immediately his tongue snakes between your lips, finding its way into your mouth. You play with each other as you cling to his shoulders to keep from falling over. His arms wrap around your waist and he pulls you against him. Your whole body is on fire as he explores your mouth with pleasure. He elicits one moan after another and enjoys the little noises you make. Your brain can barely process what is going on. What is happening here? An Eldian and a Marleyan? How can that be? Of course, it's similar with Niccolo and Sasha, but Levi is a completely different act. He was the person who even made a name for himself in Marley, a country he has never been to. He is one of the highest animals here.

He's just unbelievably perfect.

He releases the kiss and you gasp. Immediately his lips settle on your jaw before he moves further down and sucks on your neck. His tongue runs over your pulse and it takes your breath away. Is this really going to lead to that one thing? Should you really be doing this? The questions in your head give you a headache that eases as soon as he sucks on the thin skin of your neck. Slowly your head gives up, the screaming quiets and instead your gut and heart come to the fore, wanting in unison just the opposite. You want to feel him, more than this.

Awkwardly, your hands wander to his belt and you try to undo the buckle with trembling hands. All this is not so easy when you have no idea about it. To your surprise, he doesn't stop you. You can still feel the battle he is fighting inside, but it seems that his heart is also stronger. His big hands dig into your hips and he lurks above you. His mouth finds yours again and he kisses the swollen lips, sucking on them and in the same move your soul out of you. What takes you what feels like an eternity is only a few moves for him. He opens your trousers with an ease that makes your knees go weak. His hands move from your hips to the waistband and he pushes it off your pelvis. Without releasing the kiss, you slide them off your legs and feet. Goosebumps form on your legs as your overheated skin touches the cool air in the room.

His hands run over your pelvic bone, down to your thighs and caress your soft skin. A soft moan comes from him at the touch, making the butterflies in your stomach dance again. He reaches around your legs and lifts you up, his hands moving to your buttocks in the same motion and clasping it. You whimper as soon as you feel them. Never before had a man touched you like this. When should that have happened too? You have spent most of your life in the midst of war, never having had time for such things. He kneads the fat of your ass and a deep, dark moan comes from deep in his throat. The sound makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you cling to him. He holds you tightly to his body and you feel as if you are both drowning men, clinging to the last bit of your lives.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," he moans against your neck as he strokes your soft skin and pulls your ass cheeks apart.

"I know," you gasp, your eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment.

"And I'm sorry it's happening here now."

"It's okay." His hands dig deeper into the flesh and your lower body is on fire. You've never felt such lust and greed in your life.

"No, it isn't. You deserve better". With these words you feel his fingers between your legs, the fingers you had thought about so many times before, and you go insane. It is indescribable when he pulls the thin fabric aside. It is indescribable when the cool air hits your core and then his fingers brush against it. Your nails dig into the fabric of his shirt, you moan loudly against his neck and bury your face, grateful that he can't see it right now.

His fingers caress your cunt and you whimper. Your pelvis automatically presses against his hand before it disappears. And again, it is indescribable as you feel his tip between your lower lips. He smears your juice, rubbing it along his hard cock before you feel it against your hole. "I just can't hold back anymore, I'm so sorry".

You draw in air through your nose, tensing slightly. A mixture of fear and anticipation, panic and anticipation, flows through your body. Your cunt tingles and there is only one thing that can soothe that tingle.

His tip penetrates you. Your world turns upside down and you groan. Your eyes close and you focus on the sensation. In all your imaginings, secretly night after night as his eyes roamed your mind, it was never like this. The pain you wait for doesn't come. Instead, a warm, indescribable feeling flows through you. Every inch of him stretches you further, fills you. It fits so damn perfectly, like it was never meant to be any other way. When he's completely inside you, he exhales shakily and you only notice now how tense he is. A moan comes from his lips as your insides clench and you lean back, your back pressed against the door again. Your eyes meet and your mouth opens slightly. There is a slight blush on his cheeks too, barely noticeable. His eyebrows are slightly drawn together, creating creases between them, and his eyes are almost black. You lift your right hand and place it against his cheek, caressing his cheekbone. He looks so erotic. As if he can read your mind, he leans down to you and again your lips touch, but this time more gently, as if this moment is fragile.

His pelvis pulls back and he thrusts for the first time. You moan out, enjoying the feeling of being completely filled. Your kiss breaks away and he rests his forehead against yours. With your eyes closed, he thrusts against you again and again, stretching your walls, fucking you against the door. Your moans grow louder and you are unbelievably happy that the rain outside has become heavier. The whipping of the wind and the patter of the drops against the windows mixes with your sounds, almost drowning them out, making it less likely that you can be heard.

Your hands wrap around the back of his neck and you bury them in the stubble of his hair.

He searches your eyes again. Intense stares burn into your brain and the speed and hardness of his thrusts become harder. Something deep inside you stirs and you can't stop the tears that run down your cheek. They travel down your cheek and drip onto your legs, which are still tight around Levi's waist. This day is like a wild rollercoaster ride, one emotion after another overtakes you and you can hardly recover from the ups and downs. And now being fucked by Levi, for the first time in your life, leaves you speechless.

There is a tingling underneath your stomach, this time different from what the butterflies cause. You can't quite place the feeling, but you want more. Levi seems to be feeling the same way, his speed picking up even faster and his hands digging almost painfully into your ass. You stare at each other as you both moan again and again, the knot tightening and tightening. More, please more.

"I don't hate you," he whispers, repeating his words from earlier, hitting a specific spot inside you. You moan loudly and he does the same. Tears roll down your cheeks again and you are so close. His eyes watch your face and your trembling lips tell him everything. He keeps the angle, keeps bumping into that one spot that makes you fly. All the while he keeps repeating that one sentence, burning it into your minds so that you, above all, can never forget it.

"I don't hate you either," you gasp before your insides explode. It's like a firework that takes you with it. This is how you imagine flying. Nothing in your life has ever felt so good. You scream Levi's name, preaching it and clinging to it, clawing into it. Your soft walls twitch like crazy, driving Levi to explode too. He leans all his weight against you and the door, moaning as he continues to fuck you, albeit slower and slower.

As soon as you come down from your high, he slides to the floor with you in his arms. His right hand goes to the back of your head and he strokes your hair as your head rests against his neck again.

"I promise you that you will never feel lonely again."

#levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi x y/n #levi x you #levi #levi heichou #shingeki no kyoujin #snk #attack on titan #aot

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ace-of-hearts-and-spades · 7 months ago

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EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP MEG POSTED A NEW FIC FOR THE PASSENGER I REPEAT WE HAVE A NEW RANSON FIC 🗣️🗣️📢📢

I'm VIBRATING IN MY SEAT I'm EXPLODING I am LAUNCHING MYSELF INTO SPACE YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. This is so fuckin soft and sweet and aughaughaah they deserve it after all the fuckass shit they've survived and been through (because they definitely did survive, one-hundy percent, no denial to see here folks 🫡)

Anyways the rest of my stupid play-by-play rambling is under the cut. But suffice to say I loved this and I'm obsessed with it and I'm going to be rereading it several times okay.

Love that Benson wakes up with backpain lmao. Me the fuck too man. Me 🤝 Benson fr.

Not a chance with this marshmallow bed and the sun popping its stupid Raisin Bran fucking face through the blinds. Benson sleeps dark and cold and silent with his back to the wall. Arms locked in front of his chest like armor. Like a corpse on a slab. Or he used to, anyway.

God this part is just so fuckin Benson. The fucking scathingness of marshmallow and Raisin Bran fucking face is perfect and also very funny to me. But of course he sleeps like a corpse on the slab, like he's protecting himself or like he's just a living dead boy shell of a human facade......... I feel ill.

He inhales slow and deep and he smells warm and bright and a little grimey. Like summer. Like sweat and mud and the most beautiful blue sky you’ve ever seen.

RANDY SMELLS LIKE SUMMER............ JOTTING THIS DOWN THIS IS SO REAL THIS IS SO FITTING of course he smells like summer to Benson ouhgoghufgfghh 😭😭😭

And the nightmares they both have that wake them both up and how they try to support each other in different ways?? ow ow OW my fucking HEART. BENSON'S HAD SO MANY NIGHTMARES ABOUT SUFFOCATING THAT HE CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IF I KILLED SOMEBODY ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes he wants to fuck them up. Track mud across the carpet, break a dish. Say the wrong thing. Bite down too hard.

Ahhhh classic push-them-away-so-they-can't-hurt-me-first typa deal. I can totally envision Benson doing this. Keeping everyone at arm's length, and when anyone gets too close, he purposefully sabotages any potential capacity for a relationship. He's come to expect being a fuckup. But then Randy just pierces through his defenses and despite everything, despite how they came together..... he just can't. And more than that, he simply doesn't want to.

There’s been a violence in Benson for as long as he can remember. Bone-deep. And it’s a magnet, pulls other violence right to him like wasps to fresh meat.

Obsessed with this imagery oughhhhh

And Benson likes being Randy's guard dog...... fuck of course he does. He loves getting to pretend that he isn't a wobbly-legged calf too, standing by the edge of the road and watching the cars pass by and waiting for the day one comes too close and splatters him across the pavement or the day someone decides it's finally time to put this old cow out of its misery. Wow okay that got dark. Sorry. My brain went somewhere.

The version of himself who’s confident and decisive and knows who Trent Reznor is.

Stoppppp that's so fucking cute 🥺

“If you fall out I’m leaving your ass behind.” “No you wouldn’t.” “You’re right, I wouldn’t.”

Literally my reaction lmao "shut the fuck up benson u liar we know u wouldn't."

Also I fucking love the details of Randy having crust in his eyes and leaving a pink mark on his cheek and Benson's chest from where he was pressed up against him. It's so realistic and almost...... I want to say deromanticized? But it's still so soft and sweet. It feels more genuine, almost.

And Randy talking about the dream where they're at the beach and Benson punches a shark so hard it dies had me giggling out loud. That's so fucking amazing oh my God. But then Benson says he's never been to the beach........... "Like loss except you never had the thing in the first place. Like realizing maybe you’re supposed to be mourning something but you don’t really know what that something is or why it’s so important." Brb launching myself out of a window ahhhhhhh 😭😭😭

Okay but then Randy starts trying to "convince" Benson to go to the beach with him 👀 👀 👀 Okay. Okay.................... 👀

OKAY I'M DONE NOW LOL THAT WAS A LOT. Fucking incredible work as always my friend. Your fics are always such a treat gahhhhh mwah mwah mwah a thousand kisses for Meg 💕💕💕

folger's, eat your heart out

oh my god this got away from me so bad it's wanted in twelve states. but it's done (is anything ever done) and i'm.......i'm quite happy with it. i really hope you like it.

4.3k words. canon divergence, boys on the run. established relationship. character study, lots of introspection. implied sexual content, nothing too explicit. so much kissing. hand job. light s/m. night terrors and vague mention of canon-typical trauma. mostly soft, so soft. benson is so in love and doesn't know it yet <3

read on ao3 here if that's more your speed.

It’s a Tuesday. Benson knows this because his eyes snap open automatically at five in the morning even though he hasn’t set an alarm in weeks. He opens on Tuesdays, been on that schedule for so long he doesn’t even need the alarm anymore anyways.

Well, he used to open on Tuesdays.

He wakes up slow. Gets a savage satisfaction out of being somewhere unfamiliar, revels in it. With bleary eyes he traces the outline of the water damage on the ceiling and it’s different than the one back home. Room smells different too, stale sweat and dust and complimentary green tea bar soap. The mattress is too fucking soft, folds around him like dough. His spine is electric with pain.

Fuck, he’s getting old. Twenty-nine going on fifty.

He drags a hand over his face and wishes he could fall back asleep. Not going to happen. Not a chance with this marshmallow bed and the sun popping its stupid Raisin Bran fucking face through the blinds. Benson sleeps dark and cold and silent with his back to the wall. Arms locked in front of his chest like armor. Like a corpse on a slab.

Or he used to, anyway.

He can’t feel his left arm. He pushes his chin into his throat at an odd angle to look down at Randy, still asleep, curled up on Benson’s chest like a sandy-colored cat. His hands are tucked together, long, knobby fingers folded over each other, resting in the center of Benson’s ribs. The sun takes each strand of his hair and wraps it in gold, even his eyelashes, laying long and pretty on his cheeks.

Fuck Folger’s. Nothing comes close to this.

It’s surreal, still. Being here, being anywhere, together. Like, together. Unbelievable the way he fits so neatly under Benson’s arm. He rests his lips against the crown of Randy’s head. He does it because he wants to, because he can. He inhales slow and deep and he smells warm and bright and a little grimey. Like summer. Like sweat and mud and the most beautiful blue sky you’ve ever seen. Fucking perfect, he’s perfect.

He's peaceful now, which is saying something. Randy’s a terrible sleeper. Sharing a bed with him is punishing. He thrashes in his sleep, digs elbows into Benson’s ribs and jolts him awake in a panic ready to fight, and then Benson has to stare into the abyss and count to a thousand before he can calm the fuck down and drift off again.

He never talks about his nightmares. Benson knows he has them, but he knows better than to ask about shit like that. On occasion he’ll wake up to Randy tugging on his arm, pulling it around him like a security blanket. He doesn’t mind that in the least, rolls over half asleep and wraps himself around Randy’s sweat-soaked body. He pins his arms to his sides for both their sakes, buries his face against the back of his neck, and that’s that. Problem solved.

Benson, on the other hand, sleeps like the dead–save for the nights he wakes up screaming and doesn’t realize he’s doing it. Doesn't even know he's awake until he sees Randy’s face floating above him in the dark, wide-eyed like some twig-limbed owl. Until he feels his hands on his face, wiping salt from his cheeks.

Shit sucks, because then he has to turn all the lights on and pace the room, chewing on a cigarette and cracking his neck ‘til it's sore, trying to walk it off. Randy sits on the bed hugging his knees to his chest and watches him like a hawk. But he doesn't speak, doesn't try to push it, waits patiently until Benson crawls back into bed and lets him decide where he wants to be.

He can't stand to be touched during and after those episodes, always hated when his ma would try to smother him when he was still young enough to smother, but funny enough, Randy’s okay. Doesn't seem to count. Maybe it's because he lets him set the pace and doesn't get his feelings hurt when Benson curls up on the edge of the mattress with pillows stacked between them. Either way, most times Benson falls back asleep with his head tucked into the hollow of Randy's neck and those skinny arms slung around his shoulders. And the light on.

The night terrors aren’t new, but it’s been a while since they’ve been this bad. It’s like they’ve worked their way to the surface of his brain. Like a splinter finding its way out of the skin. He doesn’t like Randy seeing him that way, but he can’t really help it. He used to sleep on his stomach with his face in the pillow so he wouldn’t wake Ma and have to deal with her on top of everything else, but he had so many nightmares about suffocating he can't do it anymore.

But Randy never lets Benson apologize in the morning, insists he doesn't mind being woken up. He's told him that again and again, so often that Benson’s starting to believe him. They’re both fucked in the head just enough that it makes it okay. No hard feelings.

Last night was quiet for both of them, for once. Benson wishes he was still asleep to take advantage of it, but this is nice too. He can feel Randy’s breath on his collarbone and it’s driving him crazy, a little bit. He’s not used to nice things. He’s always scared he’s gonna fuck them up somehow. Sometimes he wants to fuck them up. Track mud across the carpet, break a dish. Say the wrong thing. Bite down too hard.

He’s learning how to be gentle. He’s trying, like, really trying. Randy doesn’t make it easy, that’s for damn sure. The way he whimpers when Benson’s hands are on him isn’t fucking fair. The way he bares his throat and gasps and begs. And then he shows Benson the marks afterwards like he’s proud of them, like Benson wasn’t there when he got them.

“You did a number on me,” he said last night with this sheepish grin, almost giddy, leaning over the sink to look at himself in the mirror. Prodding at the bite mark on his shoulder, the hickies on his neck. Never mind all the shit he couldn’t see from that angle, but Benson saw it. The shape of his body all over Randy’s in bruises.

Made him feel kinda good and kinda bad, sort of guilty, but then Randy looked over at him with those eyes, hair all mussed, bottom lip cherry red and swollen, and said with unmistakable adoration, “You’re an animal, Bence.”

Un-fucking-fair.

But he’s trying, he is. Trying to ease up on the reins. Trying to be soft, because Randy needs soft no matter what he asks Benson for in the dark. He can’t fuck this up. Can’t fuck him up; at least, not any more than he already has. On the list of things he’s ever wanted to fuck up in the world, Randy is at the bottom.

And it’s good too, the lovey-dovey bullshit. It’s good. It’s great. The way Randy falls asleep on his shoulder halfway through the movie, any movie, no matter how good it is or how loud it’s turned up or how much Benson promised him he was gonna like it. The way he bumps his knuckles against Benson’s when they’re standing shoulder-to-shoulder, just because. Just to touch him. He’ll catch him smiling at him for no reason, all the time, just glance over and there he is looking like they’re on their way to Disney World. No one's ever smiled at him like that. He’s not even doing anything to earn it, he’s just living his fucking life. The fact of his existence is apparently an ongoing novelty to Randy.

Crazy fucking kid.

Benson feels like he’s body-swapped with someone on better terms with luck and the skin doesn’t fit quite right but fuck, he’s figuring out how to make it work. He doesn’t get handed things like this. Good things with no strings attached. He’s always kind of on edge, always waiting for someone to break down the door and haul him away. For someone to pause the laugh track and punch through the set. For Randy to suffer a moment of clarity and tell him to go fuck himself.

He’s never had this kind of good, never expected it. Never really thought he deserved it. And Randy sure doesn't deserve this kind of bizarre sideways bullshit that makes up the best that Benson can offer. He deserves better from him. From everyone. From life. Benson keeps trying to tell him that.

Too bad he can't quite convince him. Too bad Benson’s selfish and couldn't let go of him if he tried. Wouldn't even try. Wouldn't turn out well.

He runs his thumb across the angle of Randy's cheekbone, feather-light. He wants to let him sleep and he wants him to wake up and he doesn’t know which he wants more. He draws lines across his cheek, from the corner of his mouth, along the edge of his jaw, carefully, carefully, so gentle his hand shakes. He’s probably never been hit in the face. Probably never had a black eye, broken nose. Shy, scared, beautiful thing.

There’s been a violence in Benson for as long as he can remember. Bone-deep. And it’s a magnet, pulls other violence right to him like wasps to fresh meat. Sometimes he loves it, sometimes he hates it. He always falls back on it, no matter how hard he tries to leave it behind or wrap it up so tight it can’t get out. He fails again and again. But it doesn’t scare Randy anymore. In fact, it’s like Randy gives it justification. Permission. Validates it. Like maybe it’s hung around this whole time just so Benson could learn how to use it, for his sake. To protect him. At least until he figures out how to protect himself.

And Randy’s learning, he is. Stands up taller, takes up space. Orders his own food at restaurants. But Benson kind of likes playing guard dog. Likes being needed in that way, and others. Likes being needed by Randy in particular.

Benson’s already killed for him, so it’s like he’s always trying to find a way to top that. That should be hard, right, but Randy makes it easy. Gets excited over nothing, little shit like finding both their names on some dumb souvenir keychains. Or when he brings him a bag of plain fucking potato chips, his favorite. Or when Benson covers his eyes before the money shot in some gore flick because he’s a pussy and also it dredges up some shit for him that neither of them wants to think about. The way he lights up about that stuff, stupid little stuff, makes Benson feel worthwhile in a way he can’t describe.

For all he goes on about helping Randy become the best version of himself, the version of himself who’s confident and decisive and knows who Trent Reznor is, sometimes Benson gets the feeling like maybe, Randy’s the one making him better. Not changing him, not really, just…making him kind of okay. Making it all kind of okay. There are so many things Benson’s taken for granted, never thought twice about. About himself, about his life, about where both of those things would end up and how they’d get there. Randy makes him reconsider. Makes it worth reconsidering.

It feels wrong to stop him. Might as well let him try. What’s it gonna hurt?

Sometimes he wants to laugh in disbelief at it all. Who the fuck is he these days? Going soft right and left and glad for it. He feels like he’s on another planet. Hundreds of miles from home, no phone, no way back. Shooting towards the sun with everything he needs inside his shitty little rocket ship of a car.

Randy’s a spaceman for sure, no question. Ever since they turned west and hit the desert, he hangs out the window when they drive at night through all that nothing, head craned back to look at the sky.

“The fuck you think you’re doing?” Benson asked him the first time, when he rolled down the window and started climbing out like a fucking lunatic.

“Looking at the stars,” Randy said. “There’s so many, Benson…you should look.”

“No thanks, I'm driving.”

“I mean…you could stop first.”

“I’ve seen stars, Randy.”

Randy was halfway out the window so his reply was almost lost to the wind. “Not like this.”

Benson reached over and grabbed him by the pocket of his jeans. “If you fall out I’m leaving your ass behind.”

He let Benson pull him back inside then, and stared right at him in this new way of his. This new, brave Randy who had finally shaken some of that paralyzing fear of confrontation and figured out how to be direct. “No you wouldn’t.”

Benson had looked at him for as long as he could without drifting into the other lane, and then looked at him a little bit longer and had to course correct. “You’re right, I wouldn’t.”

He’s right. He wouldn’t.

Benson lets the memory slide away and finds Randy gazing up at him here and now, eyes crusted with sleep. He feels a twinge in his chest like a guitar string being plucked. The whole room is golden now.

“Morning, sunshine,” he says, and even he can hear the velvet in his voice. Feels self-conscious about it for a second until he gets distracted by Randy wrinkling his nose to stave off a yawn.

“Morning,” he murmurs, peels his cheek off Benson's chest and leaves a pink circle behind that matches the one on his face. He rubs at his eyes and gives him that dumb Disney World smile. “Sleep well?”

“Slept great.” Benson swipes away a stray eye booger from the inside corner of Randy’s left eye. “Nice to have one single solitary night where I don't have to fight you to the death.”

Randy bites the inside of his cheek, looks bashful. Benson fucking loves it. “Well, I mean…you wore me out pretty good last night.”

Benson smirks, takes hold of the back of Randy’s neck and pulls him back into his shoulder. “Yeah I did. I oughta do that more often.”

Randy worms his arm beneath the covers and around Benson’s waist and it gives him honest-to-god butterflies. He runs his fingers through Randy’s hair. It's getting fucking long, almost falls past his ears. He keeps asking him to cut it and Benson keeps refusing. It's got this little flip at the ends that he thinks is cute. He bets it’ll grow out into gorgeous fucking waves when it hits his shoulders.

He takes a fistful and squeezes, does that a couple times before he tugs his head up so they’re nose-to-nose. Randy’s eyelids slide half-closed and his lips part on reflex.

“What you wanna do today?” Benson murmurs. He can feel Randy’s breath on his chin, licks his lips.

“...just this,” Randy says, almost a whisper.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not bored of this?”

“No.”

Benson almost smiles. “Me neither.”

He pushes Randy's head back down into the curve of his neck, rides the swell of satisfaction he gets from his frustrated groan. “Don’t worry, babe, we got all day. How about you, how’d you sleep?”

“Good.” His thumb moves back and forth along Benson’s hip and it’s electric, feels like he’s got lightning bolts shooting around under his skin, makes his muscles twitch. He’s still not used to that. Gentle shit like that. “Had a dream about you.”

“No shit?” He’s not sure anyone’s ever dreamt about him before. He’s kinda flattered. “Was it hot?”

Randy snorts. “No, it wasn’t…like that. We, uh…we were at the beach.”

Benson screws up his eyebrows, looks down at Randy. He can’t see his face from this angle. “The beach?”

“Yeah. We were just, like…there. Just messing around. I mean, there were other people there, but they didn’t…matter.”

Benson doesn’t know what to make of this. “Huh. That’s it? Just…beach day?”

“Yeah. Well, I mean, until the end. A shark showed up and you…punched it so hard that it died.”

Benson does a genuine double-take. “I punched a shark. And it died?”

Now Randy twists, looks up at him, smiling. “Yeah. It was awesome.”

It sounds kind of awesome. Benson pokes him in the ribs. “You’re a fucking dork.”

“I’m just telling you what happened!”

“Look, Randy, I’ve never been to the beach, but I’ve seen Jaws about one thousand times and I know for a fact a shark would swallow my ass whole. And it would eat you and not even know that it happened. I’m not saying I’m scared, I’m just saying, don’t count on me to save you from a fucking sea monster.”

Randy doesn’t laugh and Benson looks at him and he’s making that face, that little frown and the line on his forehead that means that Benson just said something puzzling. Here we go. He tenses up without meaning to, braces for it. Grits his teeth, pops his knuckles.

“You’ve…really never been to the beach?”

Fuck, he hates this feeling. Like loss except you never had the thing in the first place. Like realizing maybe you’re supposed to be mourning something but you don’t really know what that something is or why it’s so important. He knows his upbringing wasn’t shit compared to Randy’s, compared to most kids’. He just wishes he could grow out of giving a shit about it.

So he gets defensive. He always gets defensive. “No, I’ve never been to the fucking beach. What’s so super-duper special about a bunch of sand? And water that’s mostly fish piss?”

Randy props himself up on his elbow, leans lightly on Benson’s chest, completely unfazed by his attitude. “Well…let’s go. You can decide for yourself.”

“To the beach?” Benson says incredulously. “Randy, we’re in fucking New Mexico.”

“Not–not today.” Randy waves his hand dismissively. “We can leave tomorrow. Make a beeline for California.”

And that’s that. The magical realism of the newly reformed Randy Fucking Bradley. No pity. No shame. Just the simplest solution in the whole damn universe.

“California.” Benson pictures the Beach Boys and hippies on rollerskates, rolls his eyes. “Sounds dreamy.”

“It’ll be worth it, Benson, I promise.” Randy looks at him with those puppy-dog eyes, chews his lip, slides his arm around Benson’s waist. He knows what the fuck he’s doing, the little shit; he’s too smart for his own good. “We don’t have to stay. We can leave as soon as we get there. I just…I think you would like it.” He leans a little heavier against Benson’s ribs, nudges his foot with his toes. “Please?”

Benson huffs. He’s not a fucking pushover, swear to God he’s not, but it’s like he can’t help but fold these days. He’s gonna spoil the guy rotten if he’s not careful. He has to at least pretend to put up a fight, just to say he tried. “What if I say no?”

His brow furrows. The puppy-dog eyes flick down to his mouth and back. “Well...maybe I could convince you.”

One of Benson’s eyebrows pops up. He likes the sound of that. “I’m listening.”

Randy sits up unsteadily on the marshmallow mattress and straddles Benson’s hips, tucking his hands beneath the pillow on either side of his head. Benson looks up at him, the angles of his face kissed by the sun, and feels a pleasant sort of ache in his chest. It's almost the same feeling as when he finally gave in and pulled over and let Randy sit on the hood, leaned back next to him and looked up at the stars and felt big and small at the same time.

“It’s amazing, Bence…you can't even imagine.” His thighs press against Benson's waist, wrists press against his shoulders.

“Yeah?” Benson licks his lips. His eyes can’t move fast enough, trying to take in every piece of his face, of his body, his name written all over all of it in red and purple. “Tell me about it.”

Randy's hair is hanging over his face like a messy kind of halo. He peers through it with this earnest intensity, this lion cub ferocity that might be the hottest thing Benson's ever seen. He shifts his weight to one hand and strokes the sensitive spot behind Benson’s ear with his thumb, sends chills spidering across his skin.

“The smell of the water and–and the sound. You never forget it. And it makes you feel…it’s massive. It’s amazing.”

“You know what else is massive?”

Randy stifles a chuckle, looks away, color rising in his cheeks. Benson grins. “Listen to me, Benson.”

“I'm listening!”

“It makes you feel…it makes you feel small, I guess. But not in a bad way. We could just walk around or maybe…swim a little bit?”

Benson pictures Randy with wet hair, dark and wavy, water rolling down his neck. Salt water, salty skin. “Could be nice.”

“We can do whatever you want.” He curls his toes against Benson’s thighs. “We could get ice cream and sit in the sun.”

The image of melted sticky sugar dripping over Randy’s hand, down his arm, hits Benson like a truck. Knocks the wind right out of him. He thinks about licking it off, watching him suck it off his own fingers. He wraps his hands behind Randy's knees and grips harder than he means to.

“That sounds, uh…that sounds good. I’m into that,” Benson says and he sounds like a moron in his own ears but it makes Randy smile so it's fine. He can feel the blood rushing away from his brain as fast as it can and he’s about ready to give in and end the discussion. Move on to other things.

Randy gets that earnest, uncertain look in his eyes all the sudden and touches Benson's face, brushes his thumb across the lines at the corner of his eyes in this foreign kind of way that Benson’s brain registers passively as tenderness, and all the sudden he can't breathe right. His throat’s fucked up like he’s getting sick. He swallows hard.

“I want to–I want to kiss you in the ocean,” Randy says quietly. “I think…I'd really like that.”

So now this is the only thing Benson cares about. His number-one goal. A shining and glorious reason to be alive. He’s going to kiss Randy in the ocean if it’s the last thing he fucking does.

“How about you kiss me right here, huh?” He cups the back of Randy’s neck and pulls him in, hard, yanks him really, because he can’t fucking help it. Because he wants him right now, right fucking now.

Randy resists, just a little, on reflex, and then gets overeager and his lips crash into Benson’s, but that’s okay. Randy kisses like he’s starved for it, always, no matter how long they’ve been at it. Even now, first thing in the fucking morning, he opens his mouth expectantly and moans when Benson slips his tongue past his teeth, one hand twisting the sheets, the other gripping his shoulder. He’s greedy, wants more, always more, is done depriving himself after fourteen years of solitude.

They’re a perfect match because Benson wants to give it to him. Anything he wants, everything, always, no matter where they are or how much skin is showing. He wants to share his space, his spit, his air, his anger, every inch of the car, every inch of the sky. All the bad nights. All the good ones, too. All the golden mornings that come after.

Benson laps at Randy’s bottom lip, catches it in his teeth and pulls. He digs his fingers into the half-healed shadow of his own hand on Randy’s waist from all the times before, opens his mouth to catch the gasp that wrenches free from his chest and swallows it whole.

“Benson,” Randy says, breathes his name like an exclamation of wonder. He presses the length of his body against Benson’s, weaves his fingers through the curls at the back of his neck and squeezes tight. He moves his hips in short, subconscious little thrusts, makes a desperate, hungry noise in the back of his throat. Benson can feel him hard against his stomach and fuck, he better pop a handful of painkillers for his back because they’re not leaving this shitty bed anytime soon.

Randy leans to the side so there’s a little breathing room between them. He runs his hand over Benson's chest, down his stomach, wraps his fingers around his dick and the sound Benson makes is strangled, animal.

“We can go, right?” Randy says. He strokes him like he can barely contain himself. “We can leave tomorrow?”

Benson arches his aching spine against the bullshit fucking mattress, digs his nails into Randy's back, feels lucky. Feels like a spaceman.

“Fuck yes. Fuck–yes��you got it, baby.”

Randy lights up and it's like staring into the sun. Transcendent. Fucking beautiful.

He twists out of Benson's grasp and ducks beneath the sheets and Benson can't fucking stand it. Can’t believe it’s real. He feels weightless, so light he just might end up way out there with all the stars. Nothing comes close to this, never has, never will. It’s not fair. He probably doesn’t deserve it. But no one ever said life was fair, now, did they? Sooner or later the odds had to end up in your favor.

He closes his eyes and grips the sheets and lets it be, lets it all be for once. Because for once, it's good. He's good. He's great. And they’re leaving tomorrow. For California.

Sounds dreamy.

tagging a couple friends who have gassed me up and been so patient sdlkfjlsk i just adore you guys <3

@crumb @ace-of-hearts-and-spades @cherubgore

#ace rambles #friendo meg <3 #the passenger 2023 #a bitch sure does love their ellipses........ i used a lot of them in my ramblings lmao

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