#i'm so tired guys i check his tags daily and there was just so much negativity on western twitter

[spadeselfshipcorner]

Sometimes you just gotta kiss him y'know?

Spur of the moment doodle after seeing some vile takes about Milluki on Twitter. He doesn't deserve this I will friggin protect this dude till the day I die! Milluki acts like he doesn't care but this shit hurts and is exhausting, so he needs a lil comfort from time to time.

Taking this chance to tell all the self shippers who got an F/O that's victim of abysmal takes from the fandom they're from, that it means so much to your F/O that you actually understand them and continue to love them unconditionally 🩷 it gives them confidence and makes them so happy.

Proship/Comship & Kink blogs DNI

[sidekick-hero]

I'm a fool (for you)

Written for the Stranger Things Writers Guild daily drabble, prompt was 'meet ugly'. I don't know what happened here. warnings: implied cheating (not steddie) | tags: meet ugly, hurt Eddie, emotional hurt/comfort, love at first sight with the worst timing, hopeful ending | 1.2k | AO3

April is Eddie's favorite month.

Winter is finally over and spring is breathing life back into the world. With the colors of spring, happiness seeped back into people's hearts.

As Eddie walks home from work, whistling his favorite tune, his heart swells with it. The sun still shines brightly, a gentle breeze carries the scent of cherry blossoms from the nearby park, and tucked in his pocket is his very first bonus check. He can't wait to tell David, the exhilaration of a beautiful day gives him hope that maybe they can have a nice evening with some wine and dinner before falling into bed together. It's been a while, and he knows it's partly because he works so much, but lately he feels like he and David are drifting apart.

Determined to surprise David with some quality time together, Eddie plans to come home early. Perhaps they could even use the extra money for a vacation, he thinks with a smile on his face.

Filled with hope and happiness, Eddie opens the door to their apartment, only to be greeted by a sight that shatters both.

A stranger, clad in nothing but black boxer briefs, stands in their bedroom doorway.

"I'm such a fool," Eddie murmurs, blinking at the unexpected sight of an almost-naked Adonis standing in the doorway to the room he shares with the man Eddie thought loved him.

The stranger mirrors his shock. "You're not David.”

A mirthless laugh escapes Eddie's lips. "No, I'm Eddie. His boyfriend. Or rather, ex-boyfriend. Guess he forgot to mention me, huh?"

When the man just buries his face in his hands and groans, "I'm such a fucking fool," Eddie almost feels sorry for him.

Almost, because it's his heart that's just been broken.

"Looks like we both are," he agrees with the stranger. He really is beautiful. Eddie can see why David went for him, he just wishes he hadn't.

"I swear, I had no idea David had a boyfriend or I never would have gone home with him. I'm so, so sorry."

The guy looks sincere and Eddie believes him. After all, it was David who decided to trample on their relationship. It must suck to be drawn into the drama of Eddie's imploding relationship, less cause and more casualty.

Closing the door behind him, Eddie steps fully into the apartment. "I believe you -" he pauses here, waiting for the man to tell him his name.

"Steve."

"I believe you, Steve. Where's David, by the way?"

"Buying condoms," he admits sheepishly, and Eddie rubs his hands over his face.

"Of course. How awfully considerate of him." Steve winces at Eddie's tone, but he's too tired to care. He takes a moment to think about what to do next. "I think it's best if you get dressed and leave now, I doubt you'll want to be here when David gets back. To be honest, I don't want to either, but I guess there's not much of a choice."

Steve looks at him silently for a second before turning and going back into the bedroom, presumably to get dressed. Eddie sighs and heads over to the kitchen to make himself some coffee. He's going to need it.

He's thinking about where he could stay tonight when Steve comes into the kitchen, now dressed in tight, light-washed Levi's and a white shirt that looks painted on. Eddie can even see the dark chest hair through it.

It's hard not to hate Steve for making Eddie feel even more inadequate.

"I know you want me to go, but if it's okay with you, I'd rather stay? Just to make sure you're okay. I've been cheated on before and I know what it's like to feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. You shouldn't have to deal with it alone."

It's hard to hate Steve when he's so kind to Eddie.

"Do I look so pathetic that I need the man my boyfriend cheated on me with to comfort me?" He spits, more out of self-preservation than anything else. Anger is so much easier to deal with than heartbreak.

Steve's response, however, is gentle. "You look like someone just broke your heart and you could use a friend. It doesn't have to be me, I can take you to one of your friends. I just don't think you should be alone right now." With that, Steve walks over to the coffee machine and pours out a cup. "Sugar? Cream?"

Eddie plops down on one of the kitchen chairs in defeat. "Both. More sugar."

Steve prepares their coffee and then they wait for David to get back. When he does, clearly shocked to find his boyfriend and his hookup in the same room, they both confront him. Steve has Eddie's back the whole time and gets downright mean to David, while Eddie is mostly tired and disappointed. After their confrontation, Steve waits for Eddie to pack some of his things and, as promised, drives Eddie over to Chrissy's apartment.

They park in front of her building and Eddie thanks Steve for everything he's done for him, but before he can get out, Steve takes Eddie's hand and squeezes it.

"I'm really sorry, Eddie. Nobody deserves to get cheated on and I hate that it happened to you. I can understand if you want to be mad at me or forget I even exist, but if you ever need to talk, even if it's just about how small David's dick is, I'm here, okay?"

In the palm of his hand, Eddie feels a piece of paper, and he's pretty sure it's Steve's number.

"Why?"

Steve reaches over and tucks a lock of Eddie's hair behind his ear. "You'll probably think I'm weird, but I feel like I almost know you. It sounds crazy, I know, I know. I can’t explain it. I just want you to be happy, and I can't help but want to be the person who makes that happen."

At Eddie's stunned silence, he hastily adds, "Oh God, I sound like a crazy person. Or worse, a psycho stalker. I promise, I'm neither. And that's exactly what a psycho stalker would say, for Christ's sake. Please say something before I put my foot any further in my mouth."

This makes Eddie laugh again, and this time it doesn't sound bitter. Just a little confused, but mostly fond.

"Thank you, Steve. Really. I appreciate it. You... I have no idea what I'm feeling right now, or what I'm going to do, but you've made this totally fucked up evening suck less, and for that alone I don't want to forget that you exist or be mad at you. I just need some time, y'know?"

Steve's smile is warm, if a little sad. "I do. You should. Take your time, I mean. I really wish we'd met differently."

"Me too. Believe me."

Eddie starts to get out of the car again, and this time Steve doesn't stop him. Just watches him, his hazel eyes shining brightly in the light of the street lamp.

"Take care, Eddie."

"You too, Steve."

As Eddie climbs the stairs to Chrissy's apartment, he saves Steve's number in his phone.

[heart-shaped-pebble]

The Black Cat

@flufftober Prompt day 1: Lost pet meet cute

Summary: Sejanus and Coriolanus first meeting, with the help of a soft friend

Tags: fluff without plot - modern au

Note: I'm alive and actually writing?? First day of flufftober woo 🥳

Coriolanus had always found walking in the park to be extremely relaxing. It was the beginning of October, the brown leaves that had begun to fall a few days prior made a satisfying crunch under his shoes when he stepped on them, and the chill air was no bother to him as he wore the warm red scarf Tigris had knitted for him.

It had become his daily routine, every morning before his University’s classes he’d take a walk in the park and sit down on the benches for a few minutes, just enjoying the peace and quiet of the early autumn mornings. 

Daily routine which, apparently, had to be ruined by a cat. 

Coriolanus had never been the biggest fan of animals. He didn’t have a specific reason for it, he just didn’t understand all the fuss about it. If he had a penny for any time he had seen someone swoon over a puppy (especially a dog) on the street, he’d be so rich he could buy a house for him, one for Tigris and one for his Grandma’am. 

And why? Because they were “so cute and adorable!”? What was so cute about an animal who ate its own vomit?

Coriolanus had never stopped to pet a stray in the streets - didn’t people even consider all the germs they probably have? - and he wouldn’t have today either. No matter how much this black cat would rub itself against his leg, interrupting Coriolanus’ perfect morning. 

“Go away.” He said annoyed, gently shaking his leg so the cat would get off. “Find another leg to hump, stupid animal.” Coriolanus mumbled. If he had been more heartless he would have probably kicked the cat away, but he didn’t hate them that much.

Either way that cat had really seemed to be taking a liking to Coriolanus, who was starting to get tired of the situation. He sighed and got up, starting to walk away, understanding that his usually perfect routine had been interrupted for that morning, when he noticed the cat was following him.

“Are you kidding me? I said, go away! I have no food on me, and I sure as hell am not another cat you can get pregnant. Or get pregnant with.” He cringed at his own words, not believing he was actually having that argument in a public space, outside, with a fucking cat.

“Well I’d sure hope so.” Coriolanus immediately turned around to check who had spoken. He found himself in front of a curly haired boy, probably his age, staring at him amused. Coriolanus wasn’t one to get lovestruck, but he had to admit the guy was really attractive. His eyes especially, so big and brown, staring at him with a unique innocence in them. He quickly shook those thoughts away. He didn't have time for those irrelevant feelings in his life, especially now. He had to focus on University, and nothing else.

Realizing in what situation he had just been caught in he suddenly blushed and cleared his throat, trying to play it cool. “Sorry for that. This stray won’t leave me alone.” Coriolanus said, tugging his pants up to move the cat away. 

The other boy chuckled - Coriolanus decided to ignore how beautiful it sounded - and walked close to him. He knelt down and picked the cat up, which purred in his arms as the boy rubbed its belly. “She is not a stray. Her name’s Sissy, and she happens to be my cat.”

Oh.

“I’m so sorry.” Coriolanus began apologizing, which wasn’t something he usually did, but he had to get out of that embarrassing situation somehow. The cute boy just chuckled again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, I should be the one apologizing. This adorable troublemaker got out of the house as I opened the door.” He said, adding the last part with a baby voice, giving his cat heart eyes. If Coriolanus didn't find this guy attractive, he would have probably fled the scene long ago now. 

“I've been searching for her for over an hour now. Between you and me, I was starting to get really worried. I'm glad you found her.” The boy bit his lip nervously. ���I'm Sejanus by the way. I'd offer you my hand, but I don't want Sissy to get away again.”

Despite himself Coriolanus gave him a short smile, which Sejanus reciprocated. “Coriolanus Snow.”

“Well, Coriolanus Snow, something tells me you don't really like cats.”

“Oh it's nothing personal, I'm just not an animal kinda guy.” Coriolanus said defensively. Why on earth did he feel the need to justify himself with him? “Never had a pet, and will never get one.” 

Sejanus shrugged and grinned. “Who knows, never say never.” 

Coriolanus frowned, annoyed at the way Sejanus was talking to him. Who did he think he was?

Sejanus seemed to not-so-shamelessly check him out before licking his lips and saying, “Maybe I can change your mind over dinner?”

Coriolanus scoffed amused, although he had to admit the idea of going out with Sejanus didn't seem so terrible. “So soon after meeting me? I could be a killer for all you know.” 

Sejanus shrugged and shifted the way he was holding Sissy in his arms. “So could I. But fair enough, maybe just a coffee then?” 

He really wasn't going to let it go, was he? “Alright, but I choose where.” 

Sejanus clicked his tongue and grinned. “Fine by me.” 

After quickly exchanging numbers they both parted ways, Coriolanus finally walked to class - which he was definitely late for - as he thought over the conversation again. He had never been one to date, but maybe Sejanus could change his mind on that as well?

Coriolanus caught himself smiling at the thought, against his better judgment, as the brown eyed boy wouldn't leave his mind.

[stargazeraldroth]

Rainy here again to agree with you on your tags!

People definitely get very… Intense? About how very specific characters are portrayed by the fandom, regardless of how canon that portrayal may or may not be. I swear, it’s the same reason I interpret Error as such an asshole sometimes, in my own AUs- I’d be much more open to him being a better person if people weren’t so. Damn. Insistent. On him being the good guy and slandering Ink in the process.

If 404 is as hyped up as Error’s alleged moral superiority is, then I can see why it’d annoy you so much… I don’t actually know much about Alphatale and the characters, but it seems like something that’d get to me, especially if it’s played in conjunction with making Ink out to be the bad guy.

🌧️ Rainy Anon 🌧️

I'm gonna keep it real with all of you, I genuinely don't remember much about Alphatale. I remember bits and pieces, but I haven't actually checked the AU's canon in a while... both for Alphatale and Alphaverse. I don't even know what the difference between them is. All I know is that I care about 404 and sometimes the Astral Mother when her involvement is convenient for me, and that I feel like I'm entering an active minefield whenever I have to go to the wiki to check something.

Honestly, I do kinda understand why people can be so insistent about sticking to the canon. I do think knowing what's canon and what isn't is important! I'm not trying to downplay the canon or the work put into the AU. While I'm not the biggest fan of Alphatale/Alphaverse, I do think there's a lot of passion and care put into the project by its creator, and I admire that. I want to be like that, able to create and work on an ambitious AU project regardless of what people might think of it! I honestly don't have much serious beef with the AU, all of my irritation and dislike for it comes from people who try to pressure me into perfectly abiding by it. It's the same situation as my relationship with the FGOD concept: I don't hate it, I actually quite like the concept, but fans end up ruining it for me.

And before anyone says anything, yes I know, I shouldn't let other people ruin things for me. But after so long of the same stuff, it gets tiring. I feel like if I were to include 404 in something and then abide by Alphatale canon, it would be more limiting to my creative freedom than its inclusion is worth. My creative freedom- in my own AU- would be far too limited if I took every canon factor into consideration. And that's not fair to me, or to anyone who is trying to make an AU.

Because, see, people generally disregard the complete canon for characters like Ink, Error, and the twins on an almost daily basis. When you make an AU for Undertale, you kinda have to accept that people might interpret your characters differently and aren't guaranteed to stick to the canon details. That goes for anything in general, not just the Undertale community. But it especially applies if your AU/characters are very popular in such a big community. You don't have to agree with it, but you do have to accept that things like this will happen. Not just as a character creator, but as a fan of such works too, because I can guarantee that everyone has strayed from canon at least once. If everyone strictly abided by canon, I bet more than half of the Undertale community's content wouldn't exist. Hell, even Underverse- one of the most popular pieces right now- wouldn't exist because parts of it conflict with the characters' canons.

For example, Nightmare canonically cannot feel anything other than negative emotions. Dream cannot hate anyone, even the douchebag that he calls his brother. I believe it's canon that Ink doesn't remember tearing his soul apart, but I'm not 100% sure, I think I'm like 50/50 on that one. And yet, we don't always take these factors into consideration when making content.

AUs exist for fun. The whole point is to have fun with a bunch of different ideas. And when it stops being fun and feels more like a chore, where there's too many set-in-stone rules to follow based on what characters you include, then there's a problem. If we don't get shit for turning Ink into evil incarnate or wobbifying Error into the UwU-pocalypse that everyone hated, then why should people get shit for straying even the tiniest bit from 404's canon? I'm genuinely asking, what makes 404 so special compared to everyone else? What makes 404 above everyone else to the point where we aren't allowed to have even the smallest bit of fun with his character? What makes 404 the one where we have no choice but to follow every single aspect of canon?

I nerf 404 when I include him in stuff. I make him weaker than he is in canon. Why? Because it's convenient for me and fits my AUs. If I kept him as overpowered, untouchable, and unbeatable as he is in canon, then there's no point in including him at all. Because then he could either just solve the problem with a snap of his fingers or, in the situation where I have him as the villain, there's nothing that can be done. I change his character to fit into the AU because that's the only way his existence will work.

And I know what you're gonna say, "But Stargazer, you don't HAVE to include him!" yeah, you're right. But I also don't have to include Ink. I don't have to include Error, the twins, Reaper, CORE, etc. But I still do. Because I like their characters and it's fun. It's the same for 404- I like him and it's fun to use him in a story. Also, some parts of his canon just don't work with the AUs, such as him being Error's mentor. He's also just not as mysterious as some people seem to think he is... if we're taking all of canon into consideration, it's very likely that Ink knows he exists lmao, and it's not just some "I saw someone who looked like Error... but white!" (this sounded funnier in my head)

Also, just wanna mention this piece: Some of the canon with 404's character directly conflicts with the canon of other characters, such as Error, who canonically DOESN'T have a mentor, which makes it counterproductive and hypocritical to the argument of sticking to canon in the first place.

Anyway, I have a lot of feelings about 404 and I have a lot of passion. Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to really communicate my thoughts in a way that's very coherent, so I'm sorry if I'm like. All over the place with this. There was more I wanted to say, I think, but I don't remember what it was. I also wanna give a quick shoutout to those people who comment stuff like "404's the strongest Sans" on stuff where he isn't involved or doesn't exist!!!

I guess the main takeaway from this would be that it is possible to be compliant with canon aspects while also having as much creative freedom as you want, and you shouldn't sacrifice your own enjoyment for your own AU just because of canon. AUs exist because people deviated from canon, so arguing that you absolutely have to abide by canon 100% is going against the very foundation of AUs. And abiding by one AU's canon 100% can interfere with the canon of another AU (for example, I believe Comyet confirmed that Canon Ink wouldn't do the X-Event, but Cross's canon requires Ink to do it, which is a direct conflict/contradiction of canon), so you may as well just have fun with doing whatever the hell you want.

Honestly, I've been pressured into just. Stopping some fanfics entirely because of people constantly leaving comments about my 404 portrayal not being 100% accurate to canon. Yet every other characters gets a free pass?? Erm... okay?? And if you leave comments like that, giving unwanted "corrections", I just have one question for you: Why? Literally why? What do you get from this? What motivates you do to this? And yes, I know I said one question, but I don't care.

Like I don't always like how FGOD stories/AUs portray Ink and/or Dream as villains, but do I leave comments preaching about canon or anything? No, I just stop reading it. I get nothing out of leaving that kind of comment except being an asshole, and I'd probably make the author feel bad. Which I don't want. Their work doesn't exist to cater to my wants and what I think is best, their work exists for THEM. Just like how my AUs and my work exist for me. Yeah, it's fun to share them with people and interacting with others because of them is a nice feeling, but at the end of the day, they only exist because I want them to.

I'm just gonna end it here. My head's starting to hurt and I'm worried that if I continue, I'm gonna get too passionate about my opinions and start sounding cocky or like a righteous ass.

[amhrosina]

Holidate (Frank Castle x fem! Reader)

MASTERLIST // TAG LIST REQUEST

A/N: Hi hi hi! Writing this was wild and took over my social life for a second there. This hasn’t been beta read, or edited yet (lmfao), but it’s 13k words and I’m very proud of it. Please enjoy! (Matt Murdock next????) 

Summary: Holidate – a prearranged fake date that you can bring to family holiday events to avoid awkward conversations about your love life.  

When reader realizes she’s the last single person in her family, a run-in with an old acquaintance sparks a genius idea that could get her family off her back once and for all. 

(Warnings: slow burn, pining, fake dating, brief description of a severe injury (it’s in the fourth of july section), cursing, eventual smut (p in v, oral (fem receiving)), no use of y/n, wholesome family content, Frank in a bunny suit, let me know if I missed any bc it’s 1:30am and I'm tired lmfao

New Year’s Eve: 

The bass of the club speakers pounded in your skull, sparking a fresh wave of annoyance within you. This was not how tonight was supposed to go. You were supposed to be somewhere nice, celebrating the new year with your loving and loyal boyfriend of four years, Ben. But Ben was an asshole who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants long enough to realize he had butt dialed you while he was knee deep in “the best pussy he’s ever had”.  

You rolled your eyes at the memory. You weren’t even that upset about it – Ben had become a dull and predictable aspect of your daily routine. The spark that had ignited your affection for him had died out months before you found out he was cheating. It was a brutal wake-up call, though.  

Your life, you realized, had become entirely too comfortable, which limited your ability to grow as a human being. The few weeks without Ben leading up to New Year’s Eve had taught you a lot about yourself, but you couldn’t help feeling a little lonely when you looked around and saw happy couples everywhere. 

Your sister was happily married to her high school sweetheart. Your mom and dad were disgustingly in love with each other, even after almost 30 years together. And your idiot baby brother had chosen tonight at dinner to announce his engagement to Kim, his girlfriend of 3 months.  

After the obligatory congratulatory toasts, your mother’s attention had fallen on you. You had tried so hard to get out of the room before she could open her mouth, but your mom had spent enough time with you to know your tricks and had managed to corner you by the bathroom. 

“Sweetie, I want to introduce you to someone. My OB/GYN has a new set of interns, and one of them is very cute.”  

“You’re worried about my,” you paused for effect, “vaginal health, Mom?”  

 “No, of course not, though you should probably get it checked out after the whole Ben fiasco. I don’t even want to think about where he put his pe-” 

“Okay, thanks for that, Mom. Really. I just have to pee now.” You slid against the wall until you could grab the doorknob and slip into the bathroom, effectively shutting the door in your mom’s face. You had hidden yourself in the bathroom for 15 full minutes before finally facing your family again. Then, Sammy had the bright idea to take all the siblings out clubbing to celebrate his engagement.  

That’s how you ended up here, surrounded by sweaty, drunk partygoers who apparently had so much to celebrate. It was 10 minutes to midnight, and you were doing everything in your power to make it to the exit before you had to be surrounded by sweaty, drunk, kissing partygoers.  

The club was so packed you had barely made it five feet before you gave up your efforts, deciding to chug the rest of your drink when the clock struck midnight as your midnight kiss. You watched the dance floor from your vantage point on second floor balcony. An overwhelming presence next to you had your back stiffening.  

You turned, ready to tell the guy off, but you lost your voice somewhere between “Fuck off, buddy” and “Not interested”. You definitely knew the guy from somewhere, but you couldn’t put your finger on where that might be. His size was intimidating, and you could tell he was absolutely ripped, but his eyes weren’t those of a drunk asshole. In fact, the look on his face told you he recognized you from somewhere, too.  

“Do we know each other?” You had to yell over the music for him to hear you.  

“You don’t remember me?” He was smiling, and you knew that smile, but you couldn’t put your finger on how you knew it. You studied his face, trying to remember. Dark hair and eyes, strong eyebrows, and a big nose.  

“Oh!” You exclaimed suddenly, “You’re Eagle!” 

His eyebrows furrowed. “What?”  

“You were the TA for my Psych class, right? Like six years ago? Frank, right?” You grinned at him.  

“You do remember!” He smiled wide for a second, but quickly furrowed his eyebrows in confusion again. “What did you call me? Eagle?” 

“Oh god,” you groaned, running your hand over your face. “We used to call you that. The girls in the class, I mean. You know what they say about men with big noses?” 

Frank let out a loud laugh, throwing his head back.  

“I didn’t think anyone in those classes even knew I existed. That was the easiest job I’ve ever had. The professor wouldn’t let me do anything, and I still got paid.” 

“So, I don’t have you to thank for the A, then?” 

“Sorry, I guess you did that on your own.” He shrugged, sipping his drink and smiling. “Did you come with someone? Where’s your date?” 

You raised your cup to your mouth, gulping down a mouthful of alcohol in response.  

Frank chuckled and nodded. “Ah, I see.” 

The clock began chiming, starting the 60 second countdown to the new year.  

“Where’s your date?” 

Frank smiled and gulped down the rest of his drink, copying the response you had given him. You raised your glass, and he clinked his against yours in solidarity.  

When the countdown got to 10, you awkwardly shuffled back and forth on your feet. The couples around you were gravitating towards each other, grabbing each other’s hands and holding their drinks up in the air. You and Frank watched as the clock hit 0, silver and gold confetti floating down from the ceiling and coating the kissing couples on the dance floor.   

Your brother seemingly appeared out of nowhere, tugging his fiancé behind him.  “Hey! We’re going!”  

You nodded, turning to Frank. “I have to...” you trailed off, pointing towards your brother with your thumb, “but it was nice to see you again. Happy New Year, Frank.” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you around.” He grinned, nodding. 

You waved at him as you walked towards the exit, wondering if you’d ever see him again. Fortunately for you, you didn’t have to wonder for long.  

A few days later, you parked your car in the mall parking lot, sighing as your mother continued her rant from the passenger seat. 

“All I’m saying, sweetie, is that you should get out more. When’s the last time you left the house besides New Year’s Eve? What about one of those dating apps?” 

“I don’t want to date anyone right now, Mom. I’m trying to find myself, you know?” 

She scoffed. “Oh, please.” 

You followed her into the mall, clutching the items you had bought for Ben before the untimely death of your relationship. Your one and only plan for the rest of your week off work was to return the gifts, but your mother had insisted on going with you, claiming she had some shopping to do. You couldn’t imagine what she could possibly need this soon after Christmas, but you didn’t want to argue with her about it.  

 It took forever, but you were finally at the last store you needed to make a return at. It would’ve been an easy in and out if your mom hadn’t stopped to look at every single sweater in the store. The sound of your name being called perked you out of your thoughts. 

“When I said see you around, I didn’t realize it would be this soon after.”  

Frank walked towards you, clutching a return receipt in his hand. You waved your receipt back at him. 

“You didn’t like a gift?” You asked, eyeing the receipt.  

“Oh, uh,” Frank scratched the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly, “No. I bought it for someone, but it didn’t end up working out.” 

Your eyebrows shot up. “Wow. Same. I think we may have more in common than I thought. Same girl that left you alone on New Year's?” 

“The one and only.” He chuckled, shuffling his feet.  

The sound of your mother’s voice so close to your ear startled you. You hadn’t noticed her standing next to you. 

“Who’s this?”  

She had a devious smile on her face, and it took everything in you not to outwardly groan. 

“This is Frank. He was my-” Frank cut you off, reaching forward to shake your mom’s hand. 

“Friend in college. Nice to meet you. We were just talking about regrettable Christmas gifts.” 

“Oh!” Your mom eagerly shook his hand, sending you a wink over her shoulder. “Well, I’ve been trying to tell her she needs to get out more. You know, her boyfriend ch-” 

“I don’t think he’s interested in hearing about my love life, Mom.” This conversation derailed far too quickly for your liking. 

“Honey, I’m just trying to help. Frank is very handsome.” 

You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks. You probably resembled a tomato more than a human being. 

“Thank you, Mom. Very helpful.” You gritted through your teeth. Your mother was nothing if not sneaky. She sent you a smirk and turned back to Frank. 

“It was lovely to meet you, Frank. I hope I’ll be getting to see more of you soon.”  

You gaped at her as she made her way back towards the cashmere sweaters, dreading having to look back at Frank. When you finally faced him, he was clearly trying hard not to laugh in your face.  

“I’m sorry,” You groaned, running your hand through your hair, “My mom can be very forward.” 

Frank let out a chuckle, shaking his head. “It’s okay. It sounds like she just wants you to be happy.” 

“She has an interesting way of showing it. I mean, being single on holidays isn’t that pathetic, right? Plenty of people are single. Like Emma Watson! She’s been single since forever and she’s thriving! Oh god, you probably don’t want to hear this either. I’m sorry. I ramble when I get nervous.” 

You regretted ever getting out of bed this morning. This was turning out to be the most embarrassing day of your life, and it wasn’t even 10am yet.  

Frank’s face had turned thoughtful. You were a little afraid to ask him what he was thinking about. 

“I have an idea,” he finally said, glancing between you and your mom, who was holding up a blue sweater and talking to an employee. 

“Okay?” You cocked your head to the side. 

“What if we dated?” Your eyes grew wide, “Just for the holidays, I mean. We show up together at events or parties and it keeps the questions at bay. Like a, um-” 

Frank searched for the right word, and you couldn’t help the word that came out of your mouth.  

“A holidate?”  

Frank snapped his fingers and pointed at you. “Exactly. A holidate. It’ll get your family off your back for a little bit, and you won’t have to worry about being single. For the day, at least.”  

You didn’t say anything for a long time, trying to fully comprehend what he was offering. 

“What’s in it for you?”  

“Same as you.” He shrugged. “My family’s like yours.” 

“And it’s just for the holidays?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“What about the smaller holidays? Like 4th of July.” 

“I’m fine with whatever you want to do about those.” 

“What if one of us meets someone we like?” 

“Then our problems are solved, right?” 

You studied him for a moment, weighing the idea in your head. You stole a glance at your mother, who was now standing out of Frank’s direct eyeline and smiling at you and Frank. 

You turned back to Frank, holding out your hand. 

“Deal.” 

The smile he gave you as he shook your hand sent a shiver down your spine. 

 

Valentine's Day: 

“Frank, you are not getting my mother flowers. She’s never going to let you leave.”  

“I can’t show up to dinner to officially meet your family without bringing something. My mom raised me better than that.” 

You were currently standing in the flower section of Kroger, picking out flowers to get your parents for their anniversary. Every year, they hosted a family dinner on Valentine’s Day to celebrate their marriage and the family that came out of it. This was officially your first go at this holidate thing, and Frank kept insisting that he had to bring flowers. 

“If you absolutely have to get flowers, don’t get red roses. My dad called dibs on those 30 years ago.”  

Frank grinned at your compromise and picked up the bouquet of tulips he had been eyeing. You had to give it to your mom, Frank was handsome, but the holidate deal was strictly platonic, so you turned and headed for the checkout lane.  

When Frank caught up with you, he was holding not one, but two bouquets. The tulips he had picked out for your mom were bright yellow. The other bouquet had a dozen red roses in it, and it had been carefully wrapped in expensive-looking brown paper.  

“Who are those for?” You couldn’t help but ask.  

“Well, I can’t get my holidate’s mother flowers and not buy my holidate flowers too. That’s just unclassy.”  

You followed him in stunned silence. You hadn’t been expecting that.  

When you finally arrived at your parents' house, you were nervously applying and reapplying your lipstick in the passenger side mirror. You didn’t know how your family was going to react to Frank. Obviously, your mom would be pleased, but you didn’t want to sit under your sister’s scrutiny for too long. If anyone was going to figure out what you were doing, it would be her.  

“You’re nervous.” Frank pointed out, watching you from the driver’s seat. “Why?” 

“I’m not nervous.” You scoffed, ignoring how easily he just read your body language. 

“Yes, you are, but you shouldn’t be. I’m the perfect gentleman. Parents love me. You’ll see.” 

He smiled at you and jumped out of the car, running around to open your door for you.  

“See? Gentleman.” 

You led Frank around to the side door, hoping for a subtle entrance. This plan was almost immediately foiled when your mom busted through the door, Cheshire grin planted on her face. 

“Frank! It’s so good to see you!” She brushed past your open arms, pulling Frank into a hug.  

“Hello, ma’am. These are for you.” He held out the tulips, smiling. 

“Oh, you.” She muttered, taking the flowers from him. She rushed through the door, calling out to your dad.  

“I think it’s safe to say that I've won over your mom.” He chuckled. “You ready?” He held out his hand in question. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” You sighed, intertwining your fingers in his. 

Dinner was as dramatic as you expected it to be. Your dad had kept up the “tough” act for a whole 30 seconds before Frank managed to win him over. All it took was a subtle nod to your dad’s “impeccable grill set-up" for your dad to shake Frank’s hand and ask him for help grilling the steaks. 

Speaking of grilling, as soon as Frank had exited the back door into your backyard, your sister immediately pulled you aside, demanding to know anything and everything about Frank. You kept your answers short but put enough detail into your responses that it seemed to win her over. Your brother had waved at Frank when you introduced him, and that was the end of that interaction. If only the rest of your family could be as relaxed as your brother was about the men in your life. 

When everyone sat down for dinner, your dad gave a long-winded speech about love and had everyone toast to your mom, who never failed to cry before dinner was served every year. Frank mixed in well with your family, holding conversations on his own with everyone at some point. 

The dramatics really amped up during dessert when your sister announced she was pregnant with her second baby. The room filled with gasps and excited squeals, mostly from your mom, and you watched as your mom wrapped her arms around your sister, teary eyed and smiling wide.  

When everyone had finished saying their congratulations and gathered in the living room for the annual “anniversary slideshow”, you settled against the back wall, content to observe the tradition from afar. Your mom snuck up beside you, pointed look on her face.  

“Don’t say it, Mom.” You mumbled, resting your head on the wall.  

“I wasn’t going to say anything!” She insisted, raising her eyebrows.  

“You were about to point out your lack of grandchildren from me, and I’m asking you to drop it, please.”  

“Oh, fine.” She joined your dad on the couch, snuggling into his side and pressing play.  

Your brother and his fiancé were also snuggling, whispering into each other’s ears and quietly giggling. It was sickeningly cute. Your brother-in-law was slowly rubbing your sister’s stomach, even though she wasn’t anywhere near showing yet. It was all annoyingly cute, and you sighed, wishing you could be anywhere else in the world. 

Frank sidled up beside you, bumping your shoulder with his. He was incredibly warm, and you couldn’t help but lean a little closer to him. You told yourself it was just because your parents kept the house cooler in the winter to save money.  

“What are you doing all the way over here?” He asked, lips so close to your ear that you couldn’t ignore the shiver racing down your spine.  

“I’m just standing.” You responded nonchalantly, pretending to be engrossed by the pictures on the screen.  

“Yes, but why are you so far away from everyone?”  

You didn’t respond, finally turning your head to look at him. His face was inches away from yours. You blinked, looking between his eyes. He was fully concentrated on you, and it was making you squirm. He was an expert at focusing his attention fully on the person he was talking to. This was something you had noticed about Frank before, but it never failed to affect you.  

“Do you want to go?” His voice was soft, full of concern.  

“Yes.” You breathed, trying not to look at his lips. 

“Okay. I’ll cause a distraction. You bolt out of the house, and I’ll meet you in the getaway car out front. But grab some of that pie on your way out.”  

He was smiling, obviously just saying something to make you laugh. You tried to stop the wide grin from forming on your lips, but when he was smiling at you like this, it was impossible not to match it. He was getting too good at reading you. 

“But seriously,” he started, still smiling, “I’ll say my friend accidentally cut his finger trying to seduce his Valentine’s date with a meal or something.” 

Frank did exactly that, and he handled it with such grace and confidence that even you caught yourself believing him for a moment. When he closed the car door behind you and began to walk around to the other side of the car, you studied him.  

There had to be something you were missing. This guy, who was seemingly full of green flags, was having the same relationship troubles as you? It didn’t make any sense. There had to be something seriously wrong with him. Otherwise, there’s no way in hell anyone would let him slip through their fingers.  

When he climbed in the car, he looked at you expectantly. “Where to, Miss Daisy?” 

“Want to get ice cream?” You asked, mouth watering at the thought. 

“What Miss Daisy wants, Miss Daisy gets.” He chuckled at his own joke, pulling away from the curb. The silence with Frank was comfortable, and you found yourself more relaxed than you had been in months.  

When you walked into the ice cream shop, you immediately regretted every decision you had ever made. You stopped mid-stride, and Frank very nearly ran into you trying to stop himself behind you. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, scoping out the store. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but then again, to any normal person, it would seem like that.  

But you were focused on the couple sitting in the back of the parlor, sharing a bowl of ice cream. It was Ben, and he was spoon feeding ice cream to the girl he had cheated on you with. Frank narrowed his eyes at them, trying to put the pieces together.  

“I suddenly don’t have an appetite for ice cream,” you mumbled, turning back to walk out the door. Frank’s brow was furrowed, and the expression on his face read as pure confusion, but he followed you through the door without question. 

You had almost made it to Frank’s car when you heard your name being shouted behind you. Ben was slightly jogging to catch up with you, and you made a show of rolling your eyes.  

“Hey! Wait!” Ben called, waving his arm. 

Frank’s posture stiffened beside you, and you could feel the warmth radiating from him as he lightly pulled your waist closer to his side. Another shiver slid down your spine. You were going to have to get rid of that side effect as soon as possible.  

“Hey, I just saw you leave the shop. I wanted to see how you were doing after, you know.” Ben was slightly panting. He eyed Frank’s hold on your waist, standing a little taller than before.  

“I’m fine, Ben. Thanks. Bye.” You responded, looking anywhere but his face. You were not going to cry in front of Frank, and you certainly wouldn’t be giving Ben the satisfaction of an emotional breakdown at his expense.  

“Who’s this?” he asked, finally acknowledging Frank.  

“Frank, this is my loser ex-boyfriend. Loser ex-boyfriend, this is Frank. Are we good? Can we go now?” You asked, losing your patience. 

Frank stiffened, a signal that told you he had caught on to the situation. His hand crept across your waist and settled on your stomach, pulling you fully against his front. His movement was slow, barely noticeable to anyone else, but the trail Frank’s hand left behind would be burned into your memory forever. 

Ben looked between your face and Frank’s, scoffing. 

“Oh, I see. He’s the rebound.” Ben nodded to himself. 

Anger coated your tongue. You opened your mouth, ready to scream, when Frank’s voice cut you off. 

“Buddy, why don’t you fuck off, okay? She’s clearly not interested in having this conversation with you.” 

“Okay, buddy.” Ben responded, putting his hands on his hips. “I don’t think this is any of your business.” 

“You made it my business when you upset her.” Frank’s deep voice reverberated through your chest. “We’re going.” He opened the car door, guiding you into the seat with a gentle push from the hand on your waist.  

He didn’t have to tell you twice. You eagerly climbed in, squeezing the seatbelt as you buckled it. Frank joined you seconds later, starting the car and carefully pulling out of the spot. Your eyes didn’t leave your lap until the car was safely on the road again.  

“Are you okay? God, that guy’s such an asshole. Sorry about the ice cream.” Frank gripped the steering wheel with one hand, resting his other arm on the windowsill and running his hand through his hair. 

“I’m fine.” Your voice was meek compared to Frank’s deep one. 

“You’re not, but that’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset.”  

You stayed silent, counting the streetlights as you drove past them. Frank didn’t pry. He put the radio on a low volume and quietly hummed along to the Sum-41 song playing. After a while, he turned into a gas station parking lot, pulling into one of the spots in front of the store. You looked around, confused. 

“Stay here. I’ll be right back. Lock the door.” He moved to get out of the car, but stopped when you made a noise of discontent, raising your hands in the air in question. 

“Wait! What are you doing?” You asked, exasperated. 

“I promised you ice cream, didn’t I?” He smiled, climbing out of the car. Your fingers fell along the arm rest, pressing the lock button. You couldn’t help the smile that crossed your face as you watched him walk away from the car. 

 

Easter: 

Easter was a holiday that you hadn’t celebrated until you were a few years into your adulthood. Your parents didn’t press religion onto you or your siblings when you were growing up, but your sister had married into a somewhat religious family, so the annual Easter egg hunt they hosted had become a regular part of your Easter plans. 

When you called him, Frank had insisted that his family could spend the day without him. You hadn’t spoken to him much since Valentine’s Day, but you smiled when he immediately said he’d be there, holidate ready.  

He showed up, sporting a button-down shirt and slacks. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone, and he had let his hair grow out a little. You tried not to stare as he opened the car door for you, ever the gentleman.  

“Have you been okay?” he asked, lightly tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the song playing on the radio. 

“Actually, yes.” For the first time in months, you didn’t have to lie when someone asked you that question. Ben was a memory you had all but forgotten about.  

“That’s great. I'm glad you called. My family was trying to force me into dressing up like the Easter Bunny for my nieces and nephews.” He shuddered at the thought. 

Your head whipped around. “You have siblings?” you asked, genuinely surprised. He had never mentioned them before.  

“I have a brother and a sister, like you. They both have a million kids. I love them, but they couldn’t pay me enough to dress up in a giant, fuzzy bunny costume.” 

You threw your head back against the headrest, laughing loudly.  

“You never told me that!” 

“You never asked.” He responded, raising an eyebrow at you and smiling. 

“Hmmm. Let’s change that.”  

You spent the drive asking him every question you could think of. His favorite color was purple, even though he didn’t own anything that even remotely resembled the color. He didn’t have a favorite tv-show because he didn’t ever turn the tv on in his apartment. He loves dogs, but never adopted any because he thinks they should have a big backyard to run around in. He has a perfect attendance record at work because he never gets sick.  

When you pulled up in front of your sister’s house, you still had a million questions for him, but your mom’s waving hand at the front door forced you out of the car. Frank grabbed onto your hand as you walked up the driveway and squeezed it. You tried not to blush. Why did he have to be so God damned dreamy? 

He pulled his hand away to give your mom a hello hug. She winked at you over his shoulder, and your eyes stung at the thought of the holidate deal coming to an end. She was going to be heartbroken. She really liked Frank. You and Frank hadn’t discussed how long you’d be each other’s holidates, but you knew he would eventually meet someone else and have to put an end to your deal. 

“Frank, I’m so glad you’re here. Uncle Steve was supposed to be the bunny, but he fell off his motorcycle last night and can’t walk without crutches. What a shame. But we really need an Easter Bunny.” She shook her head sadly, clasping her hands together.  

The cackle that came out of you was obnoxious, but you didn’t care. This was the best thing that could’ve possibly happened. Frank looked back at you, eyebrows raised.  

“You didn’t mention that your family also did the ‘dress up like the Easter Bunny’ thing.” He muttered, expectant look in his eyes.  

“You never asked.” You responded, wiping the tears gathering under your eyes. Another fit of giggles had you gasping for air. You clutched your stomach, taking deep breaths, and then immediately busted out laughing again when your mom appeared with the bunny head in her hands. 

You spent the afternoon laughing every time Frank walked by you in the costume. He looked so defeated, but he was putting on a good show for the kids, who loved him. When it was time for dinner, Frank fell into his seat next to you. He looked exhausted, but the grin he sent you was to die for.  

“You could’ve told her no, you know?” You said, patting his hand. 

“I know, but it made you smile, so I didn’t want to.”  

Frank said this nonchalantly, but you felt his words in your gut. The chime of a knife on a wine glass stole your chance to respond. Frank lightly ran his fingers along your hand, and you spent the entire speech and prayer focused solely on the feeling of his skin against yours. If someone asked you about the speech, you’d be at a loss for words. You didn’t hear a word of it. 

After dinner, you had drunk so much wine that you excused yourself to the bathroom. Your sister busted through the door approximately 30 seconds after you had entered the bathroom, slamming it shut behind her. 

“Okay, it’s not like I’m in the middle of peeing or anything.”  

“Oh, shush. I need to talk to you.” Her hand subconsciously rested on her stomach. She was showing a little bit, and her lilac dress showed off her baby bump perfectly. 

“What is so important that you couldn’t wait for me to finish peeing?” 

She smirked, leaning against the door. “It looks like it’s going good with Frank.” 

“Oh my god. This could definitely wait until I was done.”  

“We’ve all noticed it. I mean, come on. The bunny suit? He did that for you, not the kids.” 

“Yeah,” you mumbled, trying your best to nod enthusiastically. 

Your sister’s face fell. “What? Is he not good in bed or something?”  

“What? No! I mean, I don’t know. We haven’t-” 

“Oh, is he one of those wait til marriage kind of people?” 

“No! Well, I don’t know.” You threw your hands up in exasperation. You couldn’t imagine Frank being bad in bed, but that was something you had been strictly not thinking about. 

“What are you hiding?” She asked, eyeing you. You should’ve known she would see through this eventually. You rested your elbows on your knees, dropping your face into your hands. 

“It’s not...real.” You finally mumbled. “We’re just faking it on the holidays for our families. A holidate, ya know?”  

“A holidate.” She repeated, voice full of confusion. 

“A holidate.” You sat back, looking up at her. 

“But he doesn’t look at you like it’s fake.” She shook her head, crossing her arms. 

“That’s the point. It’s an act. You can’t tell anyone, especially Mom.” You pleaded with her. 

“This could end very poorly.” She said after a pause, concern lacing her words.  

“I know.” You nodded slowly, then sent her a playful glare. “Can I wipe, now? In private?”  

Your sister left, quietly shutting the door behind her. You stood in the bathroom for an extra few minutes, contemplating the decisions that led you to this point. When you finally rejoined Frank at the table, he was engrossed in a conversation with your dad. He didn’t look at you, but he grabbed your hand, pulling it into his lap. Your sister sent you a pointed look, which you promptly ignored. The pattern Frank drew into your skin burned so hotly that it felt like a brand. 

 

4th of July: 

The 4th of July was always a huge affair for your family. Your parents rented a cabin on the lake and invited everyone and their grandmother to spend the weekend there, and this year, you were being upgraded to your own bedroom, courtesy of Frank’s presence. In the years you were with Ben, he had never joined you for the 4th of July celebration, so you had always been stuffed into a room with someone else. But not this year.  

When you called Frank, it was the first time you’d actually spoken in over a month. The few text check-ins barely counted as a conversation, and they were usually brief. You had nervously paced around the room as you listened to the ringing on the other line, hoping it’d go to voicemail. It was a big step, even if it was technically fake. Not only would Frank be spending the night with you, but he’d also be sharing a bed with you, which was a terrifying thought. 

Frank picked up, panting into the phone. His grunts were downright sinful, and you momentarily forgot what you were calling him about.  

“Am I interrupting something?” You asked, mind immediately jumping to the worst conclusion. 

“I’m at the gym, but I didn’t want to miss your call. What’s up, buttercup?”  

You explained the situation, pacing back and forth around your kitchen when you got to the ‘one bed’ part.  

“Of course, I’ll come. I wouldn’t miss it. Do you want me to stay somewhere else?” 

Your eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?” 

“I can tell you’re walking a hole into your floor right now. We don’t have to share a bed if you don’t want to. I can stay at a hotel or something.”  

“No! I mean-” you paused, closing your eyes, “I just meant that if you would be uncomfortable, you don’t have to come. I didn’t want to pressure you into anything. I don’t mind sharing a bed if you don’t”  

You bit your lip, waiting for his response.  

“Cool. I’ll drive. What time are we leaving?” 

And that was that. Frank picked you up in his car, so giddy about the trip that he was practically bouncing up and down. The drive there wasn’t too long, but you spent the time catching up with Frank. Besides the occasional text, you really didn’t talk to him often when it wasn’t a holiday. After the conversation with your sister on Easter, you had set boundaries with yourself. You only let yourself think about him some of the time, and you certainly didn’t reach out to him. It was better if you distanced yourself from him on the regular days of the year.  

Frank insisted on unloading the car himself and wouldn’t let you lift a finger to help. He even carried your purse in for you. Your mom hugged him so tightly you winced out of sympathy for the poor man. Frank was a big man, but your mom could summon the strength of three grizzly bears when she wanted to. 

Frank said his hellos, shaking your dad’s hand and asking your sister about her pregnancy. Being only 2 months away from her due date, she was fully showing now. When you finally made it to the room you were sharing with Frank, you were so nervous you started to gnaw on the inside of your cheek.  

The bed was big, but so was Frank. He’d take up at least two-thirds of the space. You didn’t let yourself think about tonight, or the rest of the weekend. That was a problem for future you. Your brother bolted past the doorway, stopping only to invite you both to swim in the lake before he took off again. He was only a couple years younger than you, but he had the energy of a 12-year-old boy.  

“Do you want to go?” Frank asked, flopping onto the bed. He propped his head on his hands, which were stretched behind him. His shirt had risen up, giving you a full view of his happy trail. Your mouth dried at the sight. 

“Oh, sure.” You finally responded, shaking the thoughts from your head. “Do you?”  

“Whatever you want to do is fine with me. Your mom’s not going to make me dress up like a giant firework, is she?”  

You stifled a laugh, reaching for your swimsuit. “I don’t think so, but you never know with her.” 

Frank closed his eyes, settling into the mattress.  

“You can change. I won’t peek. Holidate’s honor.”  

The idea of being bare in front of Frank was not something you had prepared yourself for, and you could feel yourself begin to sweat. You slowly closed the door, which increased the heat in the room to suffocating levels.  

You studied Frank, whose eyes remained closed. He looked peaceful in this position, unbothered by the trials and tribulations of life. You slowly unbuttoned your shorts, pushing them down your legs. Your gaze remained on Frank, blissfully unaware of what he was doing to you. Heat pounded between your thighs, and you couldn’t help the image that popped into your head of Frank’s head dipped between. You bit your lip, watching as Frank shifted his hips on the bed and cleared his throat.  

The sound of your brother’s footsteps stomping past the closed door startled you out of your thoughts. A cold wave washed over you, chilling you to your bones. You hurried to put the rest of your swimsuit on, almost falling over in the process.  

You stepped out of the room, taking a deep breath. This weekend was going to be rough, and you had only been there for 15 minutes. When Frank joined you outside, you had to look away in order not to groan. Frank was unreasonably fit, muscles bulging in places you didn’t even know muscles existed. You focused on rubbing sunscreen into your skin, looking everywhere but at Frank.  

He stopped behind you, grabbing the bottle of sunscreen off the table. You froze when you felt his hands gathering your hair, moving it in front of your shoulders. He squirted sunscreen on his hands and began lathering it across your back and shoulders. You watched the group of people gathered around the lake, taking turns swinging into the water off a rope. The only thing that stopped you from turning around and slamming your lips against Frank’s was the horrible awkwardness that would settle between you for the entire weekend if Frank rebuffed your advances.  

His hands worked their way down your back, stopping millimeters above the waistline of your bikini.  

“All done.” His voice was husky in your ear. You slowly turned around, looking up at Frank. He brought his hand up to your shoulder, rolling the strap of your bikini between his fingers.  

“Purple.” He observed. “I like this color.”  

He stepped around you, taking your hand in his and tugging your arm. You tried not to stare at his ass as he led you down to the lake.  

Later, after hours of swimming and eating the burgers your dad had grilled for everyone, you stared at your reflection in the mirror. Even though the lake water had been freezing, and you had spent most of dinner leaning into Frank’s natural body heat, you had taken an ice cold shower. Frank was in the room, already showered and probably in bed. You prayed that he would be asleep when you finally got the courage to enter the room.  

You took a breath, stepping out of the bathroom and making your way down the hall. When you stepped into the dark room, Frank was lying flat on his back in bed, scrolling through his phone. 

You crawled into the bed, doing your best to avoid touching Frank. Frank was broad, though, and your shoulder ended up touching his no matter what position you laid in.  

“Jesus,” he mumbled, turning on his side and facing you, “you’re freezing.”  

You cleared your throat. “I’m fine.”  

He gave you a flat stare, pressing his shoulder into yours. You pushed back, settling against him. Your body seemed to have a mind of its own. Frank was warm, and you really were freezing after your cold shower, so you relaxed into the touch, shutting your eyes. The back of Frank’s hand brushed yours as you fell into a deep sleep next to him.  

The next evening, you watched as Frank and your dad set up the firework area that everyone would be gathering around soon. Your sister lounged in the chair next to you, fanning herself.  

“Why don’t you just date instead of faking it? You act like a couple already.”  

“Because that wasn’t the deal, and who says he even sees me like that?” 

“Do you see him like that?”  

 “I don’t know. No.” You shook your head. “It’s not like that.”  

“That suggestive sunscreen job I witnessed yesterday says differently.”  

You didn’t want to argue with her, so you remained quiet, watching Frank’s back muscles flex as he lifted a piece of wood and chunked it to the side. When he made his way back to you, he was coated in sweat, which somehow made him even better to look at. He smiled at you, stopping to press a kiss on the top of your head. Your sister shot you a look when he continued walking towards the cabin. 

When it was finally dark enough to shoot off fireworks, your dad counted down, setting off a huge firework when he got to zero. The night took a turn for the worse shortly after that.  

It had started with your brother jokingly shooting a firework near you that landed a little too close for comfort. Frank had a competitive side apparently, thus began an outright firework war that ended faster than it began. You ran for the cabin, stopping when you heard the unmistakable sound of Frank grunting in pain.  

He had fallen to the ground, clutching his hand to his chest. You turned on your heels, bolting to Frank and falling to your knees in front of him. His finger was missing, and you did your very best not to puke all over your severely injured holidate.  

“Oh my god. Oh my GOD. Frank!” You faintly heard the sound of someone calling an ambulance behind you. You clutched the sides of his face, trying to figure out what to do. Your brother was searching the ground around you, and you balked in horror when you realized he was looking for Frank’s finger.  

“Is it bad?” Frank asked, grunting when he tried to lift his hand. 

“Is it bad?” You repeated, incredulously, “Yes, it’s bad. Where the fuck is your finger, Frank?”  

He barked out a laugh, and then groaned at the movement.  

“You’re the only person who’d get mad at someone with a missing finger.”  

“This is totally karma getting us back for lying to my parents on Valentine’s Day!”  

The ambulance arrived shortly after that, and you jumped into the back with Frank before the paramedics could tell you any differently. You spent hours in the waiting room as Frank had his finger surgically attached, drinking shitty coffee and flipping through the months-old magazines on the table. When the doctor finally told you he was ready to be seen, you had to stop yourself from running down the hall towards him.  

He was in a recovery room, lying on the bed in a hospital gown.  

“How are you feeling?” You asked, plopping down on the chair next to the bed. The hand that had lost the finger was wrapped in pounds of gauze, propped up on a pillow.  

“Like shit.” He grumbled, taking your hand in his uninjured one. “I totally ruined your family’s holiday.” 

“Frank, my brother is the one that shot your finger off. You didn’t ruin anything. I’ve gotten about 75,000 texts asking for updates on you since we got here. They’re not worried about the holiday, they’re worried about you. ” 

“This is the worst holidate ever.” He moaned, exaggerating his eye roll.  

You giggled, resting your chin on your free hand.  

“At least you still have all your extremities.”  

He chuckled, looking at his injured hand. 

“Thanks for staying.” He squeezed your hand as he said it, looking over at you. 

“Holidates don’t leave holidates behind.”  

 

Halloween: 

Halloween was something you hadn’t officially celebrated in years, but your brother was finally getting hitched, and you were actually pretty excited about it. Frank was coming as your plus-one and holidate, even though technically the event wasn’t holiday related. It was the same weekend as Halloween, so Frank had insisted on joining you. He had even gone as far as pointing out that it would be strange for you to show up to the wedding alone, considering how long he’d been attending family events with you. 

Your mother had done all of the hotel booking, so you and Frank were sharing room again, but you weren’t as nervous this time around about that. The weeks after the finger incident had changed something between you and Frank. At first, you basically lived on his couch, waking him up throughout the night to give him the medicine his doctor had prescribed him. You had to help him button his shirts for work, a task you still thought about daily, and stocked his fridge with meals that he wouldn't have to fuss over with his injured hand.  

It was now a fairly regular occurrence to hear from Frank throughout the day. A random text every few hours, or a phone call during his lunch break was something you’d grown used to in your daily routine. You still didn’t know what you were doing. The idea of actually dating someone was terrifying, but you couldn’t decide if it was worse than the idea of not seeing Frank.  

Frank’s voice coaxed you out of your deep thoughts. 

“I can’t get this bowtie to sit right.” Frank called from the bathroom.  

You moved towards his voice, clutching the front of your dress.  

“Zip me, please.” You mumbled, turning your back to him. He obliged, running his cool knuckles up your spine as he zipped the dress up. You focused on the bowtie, undoing the ridiculous knot he had wound into it while trying to fix it.  

“You look great. Beautiful.” He sighed, looking you over. 

You smiled. “You’re only saying that because the dress I’m wearing is purple.” You didn’t mention that you had picked this dress out specifically because of the color. 

“I can like the color and also like you in the color. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive.”  

You retied the bowtie, patting his chest when you finished. “You look good, too.”  

“You’re making me blush.” He chuckled, leading you out the door.  

Your sister met you in the lobby, holding the newest addition to the family in her arms. She had gone into labor in the middle of September, bringing your nephew into the world a short 6 hours later. Frank’s first interaction with him had been so annoyingly adorable that your mother didn’t stop sending you meaningful looks for hours afterwards. 

The ceremony was short, but as weird as you expected it to be. Anything your brother was involved in guaranteed a strange experience, but Frank didn’t seem to mind. He spent the ceremony clutching your hand between his and toying with the fabric of your dress.  

The reception is when it got really interesting. You finally escaped the dance floor, where your dad was thoroughly drunk and had been whipping you around in circles for what felt like hours. You stepped off the raised floor, heading directly for Frank, who had been watching you dance with a bemused expression on his face. 

“That looked fun.” He observed, passing you the glass of water on the table.  

You gulped it down, all too aware of Frank’s heated gaze. You could always tell when he was looking at you. A fiery shock would slide down your spine and settle deep in your bones when his eyes were on you. You never got used to it, but tonight you decided to welcome the feeling.  

Maybe it was the champagne, or maybe you were just tired of sitting on the relationship fence with Frank, but you leaned over him, giving him an unrestricted view down your dress as you set the empty glass down on the table. He remained unfazed, glancing over your shoulder at the dance floor. 

You tried not to look disappointed. You had spent so much time with him that maybe you had created a false narrative about him. It had been 10 months since you’d reconnected, and he’d only ever been affectionate with you when you were in front of your family. Which, you reminded yourself, was the deal.  

You shook your head, ridding the thoughts from your head. You held out your hand in question, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“Dance with me.”  

A goofy smile spread across his face. “It'd be an honor, ma’am.”  

You led him across the dance floor, swaying to the music that had changed from fast paced to slow and romantic. Your steps were clumsy and awkward, but that didn’t deter Frank.  

“Let me lead.” He mumbled, looking down at your feet.  

“I can’t not lead. I always lead.” You respond, trying and failing to relinquish your control. 

“Let me lead.” He repeated, squeezing your waist. “Relax.”  

You took a deep breath, following his steps as best you could. It was rather nice, dancing with a man that you could trust to guide you around the dance floor. With Ben, you’d always had to lead. He was a terrible dancer. Frank, though, was a natural.  

He effortlessly led you around the floor, pulling you closer every time he spun you around. Your chest was fully pressed against his, and he smiled as he rested his forehead against yours. You couldn’t hide the ridiculous smile that mirrored his. On any other occasion, you would pull away and stick to the holidate rules, but tonight didn’t feel like a holidate date, so you stayed exactly where you were, cheesing so hard your cheeks were beginning to hurt.  

His eyes darted down to your lips, and then quickly returned to your eyes. You couldn’t help it. You leaned in, just barely grazing his lips with your own. It didn’t qualify as a kiss. It barely qualified as anything, but the expression on Frank’s face had you reeling back. You couldn’t tell if he was upset, confused, or mad, but you opened your mouth to apologize anyways. 

“I’m-” 

The feedback from the microphone cut you off. Frank’s grip on your waist tightened as you whirled around, looking toward the stage. It was time for the ‘father of the bride’ speech, and you couldn’t believe how unlucky the timing was.  

You didn’t look at Frank as you made your way back to your family’s table. Instead, you grabbed your nephew out of your sister’s hands, rocking him in your arms as the speech began. You didn’t need to look up to know Frank was staring at you. He hadn’t stopped since you’d barely kissed him moments before. Heat traveled up your neck and across your cheeks. You felt like crying, but you didn’t know why. Did you just ruin possibly the best friendship you’d ever had by misreading the situation? 

The speech finished, and you went to hand your nephew back to your sister, when the worst possible thing that could’ve happened, happened. Your nephew, cute and as bubbly as could be, decided he wanted to projectile vomit all over your chest. You didn’t move for several moments, trying to comprehend everything that led to this moment. 

Your sister wouldn’t stop apologizing as she took the baby from you. The anxious ringing in your ears was back, and you couldn’t breathe. Tonight was going so poorly, and you were so overwhelmed with Frank that frustrated and embarrassed tears began pouring down your cheeks. You could feel Frank’s hand wrap around your wrist as you turned towards the exit, but you shrugged him off, moving out of the reception hall and towards the elevators in the lobby of the hotel. 

You knew you’d have to face him eventually, but all you could think about was getting out of there, away from his overpowering presence. When you finally got to your room, you couldn’t stop the overflow of tears. Your dress was ruined, probably cursed to smell like baby puke forever, and your makeup was so smeared it would have to be completely redone if you wanted to return to the reception. 

You decided you had had enough of dancing. You stripped your dress off, stepping into the boiling hot shower. You wiped your face, staining the white washcloth black. Your fists squeezed into tight balls as the bathroom door opened and shut.  

“Are you okay?” 

Frank’s voice was soft, and tears welled up in your eyes again at the sound of it. He was always so nice.  

“Why do I feel like you’re always asking me that?” You finally responded, resting your head against the cool tile of the shower wall.  

“You’ve had an off year. We all have ‘em. Are you okay, though?”  

The sympathy in his voice caused even more tears to fall down your face. You couldn’t even figure out why you were crying anymore.  

“I’m...I don’t know.” You mumbled, wiping your cheeks. “I don’t know. Is that okay?”  

“Of course. But you’re allowed to not be okay. I’m here for you either way.”  

You groaned, closing your eyes. “Happy fuckin’ Halloween.” You mumbled. 

You turned the shower off, drying yourself off with the towel hanging on the wall of the shower opposite the shower head. You opened the curtain, clutching the towel to your chest. Frank was sitting on the toilet lid, leaning against the back of the toilet, looking directly at you. His gaze was hard to read.  

“We don’t have to go back, do we?” You asked, stepping out of the shower. 

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” He stood, moving to lean against the counter next to you.  

You gazed at your reflection. A few tear paths, stained with mascara, were scattered across your cheeks. You rubbed them with the palm of your hand, trying to wipe away any of the remnants of tonight. 

“Beautiful.” Frank mumbled, looking at you through the reflection of the mirror. 

“What?” You asked, meeting his gaze. 

“You’re beautiful, even when your makeup is all over the place.” 

“Oh.” You breathed, turning away from the mirror to face him. 

He took a step forward, towering over you. His hand cupped your cheek, and he swiftly leaned in, pressing his lips against yours. The spark was electric, snapping the restraint in both of you. You pressed against him, opening your mouth for him to explore. He groaned, wrapping his arms around your waist.  

You didn’t let yourself think of the consequences as you dropped your towel, fully bare before him. He pulled away, looking your body up and down, before reconnecting his mouth with yours. You pulled on his bowtie, undoing the knot you had tied so many hours earlier. The buttons on his shirt slid apart easily, and suddenly Frank was tugging his shirt off, dropping it to the floor behind him. He cupped the back of your knees, hoisting you into the air as you gripped his back and wrapped your legs around his waist. 

He carried you into the bedroom, grunting as he fell on top of you on the soft mattress. His tongue made its way down your neck and onto your chest. He licked a path down your sternum and onto your stomach, planting kisses along the way. His path downward stopped suddenly as he lightly kissed and sucked on your hip, leaving what was sure to be a mark the next day.  

He lifted your legs, resting them on his shoulders. He looked up, lustful and heated in his gaze.  

“Can I?” He asked, squeezing your thighs. 

“Oh, please.” You responded, spreading your legs wider for him. 

He dove in, tongue lapping at your cunt. The moan you let out would surely wake whatever unlucky neighbors you had on either side of your room. You arched your back, giving him more access. His tongue made slow circles up your slit, settling just below your clit. He left kitten licks all around it, grinning every time you moaned. You scoffed when you realized what he was doing. He was teasing you. 

You let out a frustrated whine, arching your back further. 

“You need somethin’, darlin’?” He asked, punch drunk on your pussy.  

“I need you, Frank.” You whined, looking down at him. 

His gaze darkened, and you were almost afraid of what would come next. He finally, finally, circled your clit with his tongue. You saw stars, letting out the most uncouth moan you’d ever heard yourself make. He flattened his tongue, licking from your clit to your cunt and back again. Your legs began to shake, and he tightened his grip on your thighs. 

He drew figure eights with his tongue, sucking and licking you until you were so close you thought you might explode. He ate pussy like a man starved, and when your orgasm finally crashed over you, white-hot and all encompassing, you thought you might never reach that level of euphoria again. 

He rested his head on your thigh, grinning as he watched you come down from what was probably the best orgasm you’d ever have in your lifetime. Your heart was racing, and you let out several unsteady breaths. Your entire body was numb, and you couldn’t feel anything but bliss inside of you. Frank had wrecked you with his tongue, and all you could think about was doing it again.  

He crawled up your body, hovering over you. He ran his hands through your hair a few times before settling his gaze on yours.  

“Let's do that again.” You sighed, skin buzzing where he touched you. 

He chuckled, pressing a kiss onto the bridge of your nose. You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer to you. He was still wearing his dress pants, and you wiggled with discontent.  

“You’re too clothed, sir.” You said, grinning. 

“Yeah?” He asked, sitting back on his heels. 

“Yes.” You replied, watching as he slowly removed his belt. The sight of him kneeling over you, removing his clothes, was drool worthy. You had to remind yourself to close your mouth as he got off the bed and dropped his pants to the floor.  

The front of his briefs were stained with wetness, precum soaking through the fabric. Your mouth watered and you swallowed thickly as he stroked his hard cock, stepping out of his pants and underwear. Frank naked was a sight to behold. His cock was veiny and long, and your legs widened out of sheer shock.  

He smirked, pumping his cock again. You bit your lip to hide the moan crawling up your throat. He leaned over, pulling a condom out of his wallet. 

“Do you always keep condoms in your wallet when you’re a plus one to a wedding?” You ask, genuinely curious. 

“Only when my dates are incredibly sexy and wear my favorite color.”  

“Oh, so this happens often?” You tried to sound seductive instead of insecure, which is the feeling that began bubbling in your chest. 

“No. Not until tonight.” He shook his head, eyes following the curve of your hips and settling between your thighs. He slid the condom on and crawled over you again. 

Relief washed over you, and you spread your legs wider, inviting him to use you as he pleased. Your groans filled the room as he pushed into you, inch by inch until he was fully inside of you. It stung a little, considering how long it had been since you’d had sex with anyone, but he didn’t move, cradling your face and waiting for you to give him a signal that he could positively fuck you into the mattress.  

You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling his mouth to yours. His thrusts started slow, but the heat in your kiss sent another shock to both of your systems, and soon he was pounding into you. Skin met skin in a sinful, symphonic rhythm that overtook the room. He grunted into your ear when you lifted your hips, allowing him to push deeper into you.  

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to him with every deep thrust. Your heart pounded as he thrusted into you, over and over, pushing you closer to the edge. Your moans got louder, and that seemed to motivate him into fucking you harder into the mattress underneath you. He dipped his head into your neck, sucking the sensitive skin and leaving small marks in his wake. You squeezed your eyes shut, tears of pleasure rolling down the sides of your face. You’d never been fucked this good before, and the only logical reaction your body could think of was to cry. 

He kissed the tears, smiling as you clenched around him. He reached down, settling his finger on your sensitive clit. It took about 3 seconds before your body couldn’t handle the overwhelming pleasure washing over you. You moaned loudly, orgasm shattering through you. He groaned, squeezing you tighter against him. You both met your highs, hearts pounding wildly in your chests as you came.  

His thrusts slowed, until he finally stopped, breathing hard over you. Your body was so blissed out that it took you several minutes before you could open your eyes. Frank kissed your nose again, pulling out of you. You both groaned with oversensitivity. 

He disposed of the condom, falling onto the bed next to you. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, still breathing heavier than normal.  

You could barely hear him. The pounding in your chest had moved to your ears.  

“Mhmm.” You sighed, snuggling into the comforter under your head. “You?” 

“I’m in awe of you. I always am.”  

He grasped your hand, pushing the covers back and helping you crawl under them. He settled next to you in the bed, running his fingers through your hair. Your heavy eyelids tracked the movements, watching him watch you. The expression on his face was unreadable, but sleep was fast approaching, so you couldn’t find it in yourself to question it. You could barely keep your eyes open, the last thing you remember being the soft press of Frank’s lips on your forehead. 

// 

A pounding at the door woke you from your deep slumber. The hotel room was filled with daylight, and you shielded your eyes as you tried to find your bearings. Frank was next to you, lying on his stomach and hugging the pillow under his head.  

Another knock at the door had you jumping to your feet, grabbing an extra blanket and wrapping it around yourself as you made your way to the door. You opened it to your very concerned-looking sister.  

“You’re alive.” She observed, glancing over your blanket wrapped body, “And naked.”  

“Yes, thank you. Is that all?” You gritted your teeth, unintentionally snarling. 

She looked over your shoulder at Frank’s sleeping form and back at you. 

“Didn’t you agree with me that this would be a bad idea?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yes.” 

“And you did it anyways?”  

“Yes.” You rolled your eyes, itching to slam the door in her face and crawl back into bed with Frank.  

“You’re going to get hurt. Or hurt him. Or both.” She stated, matter-of-factly.  

“I haven’t thought that far ahead, yet.” You admitted, leaning your head against the doorframe. 

Frank shifted behind you, and you looked at your sister incredulously. “Are we done?”  

“Check out is in an hour. That’s all I wanted to come tell you.” She said, floating down the hallway towards her room. You closed the door, rolling your eyes again.  

You turned, intent on forgetting the entire interaction, when you noticed Frank sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

“Hey.” You said softly, moving towards him.  

“Hey.” His response was blunt, voice hard and cold. He stood, sliding past you. He didn’t even spare you a glance as he rifled through his bag, quickly getting dressed. You sat on the bed, watching him move around the room and gather his stuff.  

You didn’t know what to say, or why it had gotten so awkward all of the sudden. You chewed your lip nervously. He finally looked over at you, resting his hands on his hips.  

“Can you check us out on your own?” He asked, seemingly annoyed.  

Your brow furrowed. “Um,” You started, trying to figure out where his coldness was coming from, “Yeah, I can do it.”  

“Okay.” He nodded, lifting his bag. “I’ll see you in a few weeks then?” His voice had softened a little bit, but the expression on his face was still cold.  

“Yeah.” You responded, not knowing what else to say. He walked out of the hotel room, not sparing a glance behind him. You watched as the door clicked shut, and you took a deep shuttering breath. Tears prickled behind your eyes, and you didn’t know what else to do besides packing your stuff. When you got to the lobby 20 minutes later, Frank was nowhere to be found.  

 

Thanksgiving: 

This was probably the most nervous you’d ever been to see Frank, even more than Valentine’s Day when you’d officially started being holidates. You had barely spoken to him since Halloween, which bothered you more than you thought it would. You’d grown so used to his daily texts and phone calls that the radio silence was increasingly frustrating. When you’d texted him to ask if he was still coming to your parents' house for Thanksgiving, he’d sent a simple ‘yes’ 12 hours later.  

You were perplexed by Frank’s behavior, but you chalked it up to overthinking your night with him. You’d never agreed to anything more than holidates with him, and you couldn’t just assume that Frank would be different with you after having sex with you. You had simply misread the signals he’d been sending you, and that was your fault.  

Your mother hadn’t stopped audibly sighing since you’d shown up on the front porch alone. You hadn’t talked to Frank about riding together, so you’d texted him that you were driving yourself. He hadn’t responded, and it was now 15 minutes past the time he was supposed to be here. 

“Are you sure he’s coming, honey?” Your mom asked, fiddling with the oven mitts on the counter.  

“He said he’d be here.” You muttered, trying not to look at the clock again.  

Your phone buzzed, and you read a text from Frank: ‘I’m outside.’ 

You walked out to the front porch, where you met Frank, who was holding two bouquets of flowers in his hands.  

“More flowers?” You asked, looking at the beautiful array of orange, yellow, and red flowers he had picked out.  

“Of course. You know I never show up empty handed.” 

“I’m surprised you showed up at all.” You couldn’t keep the bite out of your tone as you said what you’d been worrying about since Halloween.  

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Frank didn’t raise his voice, and for that you were glad, but the tone was definitely sharper than you were used to.  

“I just meant that you haven’t been very communicative lately. If you met someone else, that’s fine, but I need to know that stuff so I can tell my family we broke up.” You crossed your arms and shuffled your feet. 

“Is that what you want?” He asked, eyeing you. 

“What?” 

“To break up.”  

“We’re not together, Frank. It’s not real.”  

He inhaled sharply, nodding.  

“Okay.” He said finally, handing you both bouquets. He turned, stalking back towards his car.  

“Where are you going?” The tremble in your voice was entirely too noticeable, and you kicked yourself for being so emotional over this non-relationship. 

“Home. We're not fake-together anymore. Remember? Tell your mom sorry for the inconvenience.” 

He climbed into his car and pulled away from the curb at an alarming pace. You stood there, dumbfounded, watching his car until you couldn’t see it anymore. The tears that you’d spent the last few weeks holding in finally made an appearance, and sobs began to overwhelm your body.  

You had totally fucked everything up, and now you had to go inside and tell your family that you and Frank had broken up. The thought of it made you cry even harder.  

The door opened behind you, and you felt the soft embrace of your sister around you.  

“I’m so sorry, honey.” She mumbled into your back, squeezing you into a hug. 

“I don’t know what happened.” You said, clutching the flowers to your chest.  

“I know, sweetie. I’m sorry.”  

She held you for longer than you care to admit before you finally went inside to deliver the news. 

 

Christmas: 

You layed on your parents’ couch, watching as your mom slowly decorated the Christmas tree in the living room. You usually helped her, but you’d been a wreck since a few weeks ago at Thanksgiving, and your mom hadn’t asked for your help, just your company. 

The tree came together perfectly – it always did when your mother was involved – and you tried not to think about Frank, or the fact that you hadn’t been able to sleep or eat since you’d seen him last.  

When your mom sat on the couch next to you, she sighed, which was always a sign that she had something important to discuss. You tried not to outwardly groan.  

“Honey,” she started, taking your hand in hers, “I know you miss Frank, but you can’t let this ruin your happiness. He is very handsome and nice, and I don’t know what happened between you two, but I need you to remember that you deserve a kind and forgiving love like the rest of us. If he can’t offer that, he’s not worth your time.” 

The overwhelming urge to come clean to your mom about the entire thing ate at you as you listened to her. You responded before you could lose the nerve. 

“Mom, I made a mistake.” 

She nodded, leaning forward to listen to you.  

“Frank wasn’t really my boyfriend. We were faking it, so that you and dad would stop worrying about me. Except, I think I really fell for him, and then everything went to shit, and I think I accidentally fell in love with him, and I don’t know what to do.”  

Your voice cracked, and another wave of tears fell down your face. The only thing you could manage to do lately was cry, and it was beginning to drain you of your will to function.  

“Oh, honey.” She chuckled, squeezing your hand against her chest. “We don’t care if you have a boyfriend or not. We just want you to be happy, sweetie. And I’m sorry if it came across like we were trying to marry you off. We just wanted you to find someone who could make you as happy as we make each other.” 

She pulled you into a hug and rubbed your back in a soothing pattern as you cried into her chest. 

“You know, we’ve never seen you as happy as you were with Frank.” She murmured. 

“It wasn’t real, Mom.” You muttered, shaking your head.  

“You can’t fake that. He looked at you like you hung the moon. And you looked at him the same way. Even if it started as something fake, that’s not something you can fake for long.”  

You stayed quiet, mulling over her words.  

“You should call him.” She suggested, shrugging her shoulders. 

“I can’t call him. We fake broke-up.”  

“You can do anything you set your mind to.” She stated, raising her chin. “I didn’t raise you to give up so easily.” She flicked your nose, smiling. “Do you want some hot chocolate? I’ll make it the way you like.”  

You sent her a small smile, nodding. “Yeah, thanks.”  

After she made it to the kitchen, you pulled out your phone. You weren’t going to call him, you weren’t insane, but you could text him. 

You asked him if you could talk and watched as the bubbles next to his name appeared, disappeared, and then reappeared on the screen. Your phone buzzed, and an uneasy feeling settled in your gut.  

‘Yes. Can you meet me at the Christmas tree farm off of Jones?’ 

You jumped up, pulling on your boots and yelling at your mom not to make the hot chocolate.  

“Where are you going?” She exclaimed, briskly walking into the living room. You were already a foot out the door. 

“Frank!” You yelled behind you, running to your car.  

The drive was frustratingly long, and you didn’t remember there being so many stoplights in town, and of course you hit every red light. 

When you pulled into the lot, you spotted Frank’s tall frame looking over a sad-looking tree. You got out, slowly making your way towards him. When you finally stopped next to him, you were convinced you might bite a hole through your cheek.  

“This looks like Charlie Brown’s tree.” You stated. 

“There aren’t any good ones left. I waited too long to get a tree.” He responded, shuffling his feet. You still hadn’t looked at each other. 

“Why’d you wait so long?” You asked, stalling. 

“I wanted to get one with you.”  

You looked at him, eyebrows raised.  

“With me?”  

He nodded, finally meeting your gaze. You didn’t know what else to do, so you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a hug. His arms tightly surrounded you, breathing you in for the first time in weeks.  

“I missed you.” He whispered, squeezing you for emphasis. 

“I missed you, too.” You murmured. 

When you pulled away, tears threatened to spill on your cheeks for what felt like the millionth time in the last month.  

“What happened?” You asked, confused at his behavior the last two times you’d seen him.  

“You told your sister sleeping with me was a bad idea, and I know I wasn’t supposed to hear it, but I took it as you didn’t want to be with me, and I freaked out. I thought we would be together after Halloween. Like seriously together, and then when you said that, I thought maybe I had been misreading everything since I met you. And then I realized what a dumbass I am, because the sad look on your face when I left on Thanksgiving told me that you actually did care about me. And then I didn’t know what to say to you, so I didn’t say anything. But what I should’ve said was ‘I’ve been in love with you since Easter, and I want to be your holidate for the rest of my life, if you’ll let me.’” He finished by throwing his hands up in the air.  

You smiled, eyes glistening. “Remember when I was the one who rambled when I was nervous?” You asked, giggling. 

He threw his head back and let out a loud laugh.  

“I do remember that, yes.”  

“Would it help if I said I came here to tell you that I fell in love with you a long time ago? And that I’m an idiot for ignoring it for so long? And that I love you so much that these last few weeks have been absolute hell for me?” 

He grinned, cupping your cheeks. “Yes, that does help a little bit.” 

“Are you sure?” You asked, leaning into his hold. “I could grovel more if you need me to. I came ready for anything.”  

“I’m sure, sweetheart.” He softly pressed his lips against yours, and you physically felt all of the pain of the last few weeks leave your body. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you.  

When you finally broke away, you were breathless and on cloud nine. You nodded towards the tree he had been looking at.  

“I like this one. Wanna get it?” You asked.  

He chuckled and nodded. “What Miss Daisy wants, Miss Daisy gets.”  

You giggled, pulling him into another kiss.  

If you’d told yourself a year ago that you’d be here, kissing Frank Castle in the middle of a Christmas tree lot, you would laugh at yourself. Frank wasn’t what you were expecting, but you had learned over the last year that the best things in life usually come when you least expect them to, and that when you have something good, you shouldn’t let go of it. You weren’t planning on letting Frank go anytime soon, or ever if you could help it, and the way Frank refused to drop your hand, even when you tried to get into your own car to drive to his house, told you he wouldn’t be letting go of you either.  

End Note: I really hope you enjoyed this! If you want to see this in a series with other Marvel characters, let me know! Also, can we please figure out how to get Jon into a romcom. I need that in my life IMMEDIATELY.

Tag List:

@xleiaorgana @mukbee @dilfs5678 @kokoterainonago666 @blackwidownat2814 @mymamalife @minervadashwood @emiemiemiii @h4rrys @messymissy @mylifeispainandiloveit @mossexe @fightmilk @spikedhe4rt @fictional-hooman @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @chiaraxtargaryen

[hyuneluvbot]

skz react to y/n falling asleep on them

pairing- stray kids x reader

genre- fluff

warnings- none

word count- 2.2 k

author's note- the exam i was most scared for went well! i was also able to rest properly after i came home, i'm feeling better than i'd been feeling these past few weeks, so i decided to take the day off from studying and finish up some writing :D

anyways, i hope you enjoy reading as always! make sure you're taking good care of yourself y/n <3

[please note that none of the gifs used are mine, all credits go to the original posters! if the original poster wants me to take the gif down or tag them please let me know <3]

chan

-it was a lazy work night for the both of you.

-you had to write two research papers, and he was finishing up on some tracks, so he invited you to come to the studio to work with him.

-you had, obviously happily obliged, getting work done and being around chan? that's hard to say no to.

- a few hours pass and you slowly started to feel the exhaustion of the day getting to you, but because you still had work to get done you decided to take a short break.

-you just quietly made your way over to him and seated yourself on his lap, snuggling into him.

-he's used to you being randomly affectionate this way so he doesn't think much of it, letting you cuddle him.

-he's humming the beat or softly singing a few lines, the atmosphere is so calming; being surrounded by his warmth, his soothing voice, and the way he plants small kisses on the top of your head, it lulls you to sleep.

-he only notices you're sleeping when he asks you something and hears no response.

-he carefully pulls away a little to check what's going on, and the moment he sees you've fallen asleep, he's all heart eyes and shy smiles.

-"you must've been tired huh? i'll wake you up in a while," nods to himself before getting back to work.

-constantly makes sure you're comfortable and warm enough, rubs your shoulders and back a little.

-"sleep well sweetpea, i love you,"

-i cry over this man on a daily basis is this what my life is

minho

-you came home to find him on the couch talking to his mom on the phone.

-you had such a tiring day, all you want to do is cuddle him and fall asleep, but you know he doesn't get to catch up with her this way often, so you let him be, heading to the bathroom to freshen up instead.

-he's still on the phone when you come back, so you just wordlessly peck his nose then proceed to lay your head on his lap.

-you admire his features for a while, trying to fight off your sleep so you can talk to him for a bit before heading to bed, but your body seems to be going against your mind.

-his hand that's mindlessly caressing your stomach isn't helping either. soon enough you have no knowledge of your surroundings, and you're snuggling into his stomach, already asleep.

-the sensation tickles, and he almost opens his mouth to tell you to stop, but quickly shuts up when he sees your closed eyes and peaceful expression.

-his expression immediately softens, he looks like the 🥺 emoji :(

-for some reason he finds it so endearing you just fell asleep on him like that.

-he proceeds to talk to his mom for a few more minutes in a hushed tone to not disturb you, and when he's done with the call he just carefully holds your hand and kisses the back of it :((

-"so beautiful," tears in my eyes rn

changbin

-you've both only recently started going out and are taking your time to open up to the other person.

-you're both also very busy, so you have very little time for actual dates. so sometimes, "dates" are going eating ramen at a convenience store and talking to each other about how you guys spent your week in your pajamas.

-after you're done eating the both of you decide to walk around for a while; eventually sitting down a bench and talking about anything that comes to mind.

-at one point, silence engulfs the both of you. its suddenly so quiet, and honestly neither of you mind, as long you have the company of the other.

-"so uh y/n, have i ever told you about- oh," he's startled when your body rests on his side.

-makes sure to hold onto you firmly but carefully, skinship isn't common between you just yet, it's usually only small hugs and long goodbye kisses, and he doesn't wanna make you feel uncomfortable.

-"it's not because i'm boring right? you were just tired, yeah that's all," pouts :(

-contemplates on how to wake you up and what to say when he does. he manages to somehow do it, almost deciding against it twice because he just wants to hold you close to him :((((((((

-but when you do wake up he shyly asks you if you wanted to spend the night at the dorms, and you guys could have a movie night and cuddle;;;; ofc you said yes :D

-i love him way too much for my own good *deep sigh*

hyunijn

-you guys had been walking around all the day long, it was one of those days when you step out of the house, get some fresh air and spend time with each other.

-you grew tired from all the roaming around, your legs asking for a break, but you both just missed your bus, so you had to walk to another station for a change of route.

-you didn't even have to say a word, hyunjin knows your body language so well he could tell from a single glance you're pushing yourself too much.

-being the bestest boy that he is, he offers to carry you on his back to the station. while you tried to deny it because it would tire him out, he insisted, because "at this pace we're gonna get to the station tomorrow babe, do you even wanna go home,"

-you both manage to make it through half way when you start to feel extremely droopy, and no matter how much you try to fight your sleep, you eventually gave in.

-he feels your body relax more gradually, and he stops to try to figure out what you're doing.

-it's when he feels your soft breaths that he realises you'd fallen asleep.

-soft laughs.

-"you must've been very tired huh, should've just asked me to carry you before, you dummy," tightens his hold on you to make sure you're comfortable and secure, can't afford you falling off of him :/

-"what if i drop you here and run away?" jokes around as if you're listening.

jisung

-you'd come over to visit him at the dorms, you both haven't been able to spend alot of time together recently. everyone had decided to order pizza and have a harry potter movie marathon.

-three movies and uncountable snacks later, everyone's contemplating whether or not they should play the fourth one.

-amidst all the chaos, you seat yourself between jisung's legs and lean your back against his chest as the both of you wrap up in a blanket and cuddle.

-you talk for a bit (and maybe sneak in a few kisses) before your boyfriend's also dragged into the ongoing debate.

-you're trying your best to pay attention to what everyone's saying, but you're so drowsy you keep zoning out; and eventually decide to just close your eyes for a few minutes.

-the "small few minute nap" ended up in you falling into a deep sleep.

-"hey hey everyone shush, y/n's sleeping," seungmin's the one who makes everyone quiet down.

-jisung gets so shy for some reason, maybe it's because everyone's right there and looking at the both of you, so he quickly pulls you closer to mask his tinted cheeks.

-"how tired were they to fall asleep in the middle of us shouting like that," they start whispering, feeling guilty about being so noisy.

-they agree to call it a night, and jisung carries you to his bed, tucking you in and holding you close.

-he kisses your forehead. "night y/n, dream of me," giggles.

-"ugh, romance," jeongin's voice is heard from the other side of the room.

felix

-your couldn't go out for the date you had planned because of bad weather, so you both ended up cuddling on the couch; your back to his chest as some random movie plays, which neither of you are paying attention to.

-you continue to share stories, one story leading to another, sharing laughs and kisses in the midst of it all.

-at one point he starts to tell you about a song he's been working on. he's talking you through the working process, how he got the initial idea, who helped him write the lyrics, and listing possibilities of how the final song might be.

-eventually he starts talking about how he's confused between these two verses, and he doesn't know which one to put in the final track.

-you ask him to sing both the verses for you so you can decide which one you think fits the song better.

-"listen very carefully hm? i've changed a few words here and there but they make the difference,"

-he starts singing the first few lines, and you might've just been listening a little too carefully, because his voice is lulling you to sleep.

-"what do you think? i feel like the second one's better," he looks down waiting for your opinion, only to find you sleeping.

-"y/n, did you like it that much?" he's trying his best to hold in his laugh. he brings his hand up to push away stray hairs from your face and then plants a kiss to the crown of your head, switching the tv off, and taking you to bed to rest properly.

-i'd like for him to sing me a song too where do i sign up?

seungmin

-you had the longest day ever.

-studying for exams while attending offline lectures is really taking it's toll on you. you haven't had the privilege of getting good sleep for the past week or so, only an average of 3-4 hours because you have so much material to get through.

-you come home and end up taking a small nap on the couch straight away, not even bothering to freshen up. seungmin wakes you up when he comes home, probably a few minutes after you'd fallen asleep.

-"you have to freshen up and eat dinner, you can head to bed after that," he's rubbing his thumb across your cheek as he leans down to your eye level.

-"let me help you hm?," tells you to go wait in the bathroom.

-he helps you wash your hair and take a shower, and you somehow manage to get out of the bath and get dressed with his help, then he starts to dry your hair.

-he's softly scratching your scalp and it's easing the tension resting there. none of you are speaking, just enjoying the other's presence.

-not even five minutes later your body starts leaning towards his, the back of your head meeting with his stomach as he stands by the edge of the bed where you're seated.

-when his eyes meet your sleeping face half of his heart is relieved you're getting the rest your body needs, but he's still worried, and rightfully so.

-carefully lays you down in bed and joins in, hugging you and rubbing your lower back, deciding to let you sleep for a few hours before he wakes you up for dinner.

-"you need to rest well, no exam is as important as your health," :(

jeongin

-you both had met up to study earlier in the day.

-you were having trouble with a lab report, and he was kind enough to offer you assistance. you'd been working in a café for the past few hours, and your report was finally over.

-in the end you managed to convince him to grab some dinner with you, you'd treat him, it was the very least you could do after his help today, he was so patient with you throughout.

-and maybe because you had a huge crush on him and you wanted to be around him longer :D

-when you boarded the bus he noticed you were shivering, so he wordlessly gave you his coat.

-"you're gonna get cold, you can take it back-" "i'll be fine y/n, i'm not cold," but you kept insisting so he decided to share it with you, it was big enough anyways.

-the ride was a little long, and you had quite a tiring day. jeongin's coat on top of you, his scent surrounding you, you were getting a little too comfortable for your own good.

-he was about to ask you something but just before he could, your head meets rest on his shoulder. his body goes stiff for a few moments before he finally relaxes, noticing you're asleep.

-he ends up wrapping his arm around your front to keep you secure in place while you sleep, and the added warmth makes you snuggle closer to him unconsciously, also sending his heart accelerating.

-"y/n, i don't think what i feel for you is just a silly little crush anymore," softly whispers :(((

-eventually lays his head on top of yours and snuggles back into you.

-user hyunelovebot is found a crying mess on the floor.

[xpeachesncream]

it takes two | one shot (myg)

summary: min yoongi was the one who came to understand you and took you for you. but, when boundaries start getting crossed and priorities begin to change, you start to question if your relationship with your bestfriend is strong enough to make it through.

pairing: athlete!reader x athlete!myg

genre: bestfriends to lovers au, basketball au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 12.3k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, protected AND unprotected sex (later on), slight breast play, oral (f. receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, missionary, riding/straddling, mentions of alcohol consumption, dancing, mention of marijuana, sex on the beach kinda?, some heavy angst, insecurities, crying, injuries (like a cut/ankle sprain), yoongi is just kind of an idiot at one point

note: heavily inspired by the movie love and basketball. unedited for the most part, pls excuse any spelling/grammar errors.

tags: @ggukkieland​ @miinoongi​ @bluesharksandfish​ @unicornbabylover​

⏏︎ now playing: triggered - jhené aiko ; sorry enough - chris brown

First Quarter: 6th Grade

You didn't really have a lot of friends in elementary school. Any, actually. Hell, the girls in your class purposely ignored you because you acted different. Dressed different. Enjoyed the shit boys liked, like playing ball and video games. You couldn't relate to their gel pens, Lisa Frank folders, cute binder stickers and bracelet charms. None of that shit was you. But you didn't care, you were fine by yourself. Nobody to please, nobody to care for.

The only person that came to understand you was Min Yoongi and that's because you played basketball with him and his friends during daycare. At first, it came as a surprise because truthfully, you felt like Yoongi only let you play because he felt bad for you. Which, okay, whatever— so be it. But, after the last round during a game of two versus two, you found yourself on the ground, huge gash on the knee from chasing after the ball before it could go out of bounds.

"Ouch! Crap!" You groaned as you sat up and checked out your knee. Yoongi walks towards you and crouches down, examining the bloody gash.

"Come on." He says, holding out a hand to help lift you up. He swings your arm over his shoulder, already knowing that any sudden movements to your knee can make the wound sting. He takes his time and walks with you as you hop on one leg towards the office, not really saying much. Yoongi wasn't the most talkative in class. He hung out with two or three other boys in your class on the daily, but they were quiet. Weren't much troublemakers, didn't cause ruckus like the other boys did. But, he was still popular among the girls because he was a little cutiepie. You remember walking into the bathroom, hearing Angie and her friends tease her about her crush on Yoongi. Then, the following week, one of her friends also ended up crushing on Yoongi and they bickered [weirdly] in the bathroom about it.

Getting to the office, he sits you down on the bench before approaching the office admin to grab some bandaids and ice for you.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Min?" Mrs. Yao comes over to greet him.

"Y/N's hurt. Can I get a bag of ice and a bandaid for her, please?" Mrs. Yao looks over her shoulder and does a head tilt before sighing. She knew you weren't like the girls in your class, always getting hurt one way or another, being more hardheaded and stubborn than the usual. She grabs a bag of ice and hands the supplies over to Yoongi before placing her hands on her hips.

"You think you can take care of Miss Y/N, or do you need me to help?" He shakes his head.

"I got it, thank you Mrs. Yao." He politely says, giving her a small toothless smile. You silently watch as he walks over, crouching down once again to tend to your wounds. "I don't think this will hurt, but stay still so I can put this bandaid on." He says softly as he spreads the small Neosporin packet across your wound. He wipes his finger down on his pants before removing the back of the bandaid and pressing it against your knee. "There. You should keep the ice on it so it doesn't bruise and stuff." He stands.

"Thank you." He nods as he watches you stand and slightly limp before you adjust your steps to the right pressure. He follows you out, coming back to your side with his hands in his pockets.

"Why don't you act like the other girls?" He asks, cocking an eyebrow at you.

"What? Not liking all the girly stuff that they like?"

"Sure, or you playing basketball. You know girls are usually like cheerleaders and cheer the guys on instead."

"Well, I don't wanna be a cheerleader. I just would rather play. What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, it's just weird to see."

"You're weird." You snapped back.

"How am I weird?"

"You shoot weird."

"And you don't? I shoot better than you." He furrows his brows.

"No you don't."

"Fine, wanna play one more time? Unless you're a wuss and can't play cause of your knee." You rolled your eyes at the sudden change of events.

"I'll play you, I'm not a wuss. Unless you're afraid to lose to a girl." You taunt him as you both walk back to the court.

"Whatever, I'm not afraid cause I won't lose." He grabs the ball and checks it in. "My ball first."

"Sure, if you think that'll help."

And that's how Yoongi lost to you, busted knee and everything. From there, it was history. You became inseparable, Yoongi becoming a large part of your days and vice versa. His parents eventually became close to yours after the numerous times you both have been dropped off to hang out, or catching rides home after school. Yoongi lived in a nearby neighborhood, only being a good 7 minute walk, to be exact.

Second Quarter: High School, Senior Year

In high school, it became a little different. Yoongi grew up, played varsity basketball and became a fucking jock even though he claimed he would never. Yeah, bullshit. You too, played on the girls varsity basketball team, and surprisingly, you two kept each other close. It was a blessing and a curse though, because you couldn't see your life without Yoongi. He's been there since the 6th grade. However, girls took note of that shit. Trying to use you as their way in to Yoongi's heart, or pants, or both. You made it very clear though that you weren't interested in being a fucking messenger. Girls thought you were mean, but really, they just couldn't handle you. Hence, why you really couldn't relate and be one of them.

Yoongi was still the only person who could understand you and handle you, bad attitude and all. Tomboy habits and all. Not wanting to make friends and all.

"Jesus fucking christ, the day just started." Yoongi says as he watches you toss your duffle bag and backpack aggressively in the back seat of his car. "What's your deal?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired." You slump in his passenger seat after buckling your seat belt.

"Chill, don't start your day like this."

"Whatever, dad." You rolled your eyes, causing him to let out a pathetic chuckle.

"Are you coming to my game later?"

"Yeah, if I'm not too tired from practice."

"Y/N, I always make it to your games even if I'm tired."

"Do you?"

"The fuck? Yes I do. When haven't I?" His tone raises with yours. "Don't try and justify your shit by coming up with lies."

"Yeah, yeah bighead. You'll have plenty of cheerleaders there for you."

"Yeah and?" He smirks. "You're the one I'll be looking for though." He caresses your chin, making you smack his hand away while he laughs loudly.

"You're stupid." You groan as you sink lower in his seat. The rest of the ride to school, you shut your eyes and enjoy the peace before you're having to walk down those annoying, congested hallways.

People rave a lot about senior year, but it honestly hasn't felt special to you. Maybe because you kept the same routine since freshmen year, or maybe you really just didn't care as much as everyone else did about how "special" it was. You've always been locked in to basketball even if your mom wasn't a big fan of it. She wished you were more into cute, girly shit, like makeup, shopping, manis and pedis and dresses and heels, but she came to accept this was the way it was going to be. Especially because your dad was your biggest fan. You came to love basketball, more than just a side hobby. You joined the varsity team and practiced day in and day out. When basketball wasn't in season, you'd play with Yoongi at the park or sign up for camps and tournaments. You just wanted to keep bettering yourself so that you could play in college and get into the league post-grad. Yoongi was the same, and he may or may not have influenced your passion for ball. Either way, he was always supporting you and cheering for you even if the other females hated it.

His ex for sure hated the relationship you had with him even though you really steered clear when she was around. Wasn't your fucking problem or responsibility to take care of her insecurities. Same with his flings.

"Hey, so later, yeah?" He asks in between throwing nods and smiles to girls passing by.

"Mhm." You hum. "You gonna be free for lunch later?"

"I don't know. I know where to find you though if I am."

"Have a good day, punk."

"You too, bub. See you in English." He turns on his heel, walking towards his friends, aka his team members. Aka his jock ass group. Aka the ones females flock to.

Namjoon, Jimin, Eunwoo, Lucas.

They were all pretty boys who knew they were pretty boys and used that to their advantage to make big asshole moves. You hated that Yoonks got pulled in from time to time, but shit, it wasn't your life, you were only a small part of his. Sometimes, they also pulled in the football boys, Jungkook and Seokjin. Even the baseball boys, Hoseok and Taehyung. It was all a huge pretty boy, jock, asshole group in the making outside. A big fucking party for a lot of the girls at school, though.

So even if Yoongi was really the only one in your life, you weren't the only one in his. It is, what it is. As long as he doesn't go switching up on you, then whatever, so be it.

The first half of your classes go by quick, being that you enjoyed your chemistry, french and english classes. You had your english class with Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok. You had gotten to know Namjoon and Hoseok a little through it, and it was enough to know that they weren't all that bad. At least in this classroom setting.

"You two going to prom together?" Namjoon asks, making Yoongi snort.

"No, what the hell?" Yoongi responds.

"You guys can have fun at prom." You roll your eyes.

"You're really not gonna go?" Joon bites on the end of his pencil.

"No? The fuck I look like?"

"Y/N, I know it'd be weird as fuck to see you in a dress, but it's senior year. You didn't go last year, did you?" Namjoon asks from Yoongi's other side.

"Really, Namjoon?" You give him a look as if it could state the obvious.

"Well shit, I don't know. I know it's not your thing but can't really say I would have noticed either way." Hoseok laughs, causing you to throw your pen at his head before flicking him off.

"Miss Y/N!" Mrs. Maxwell calls you out mid-movie, eyes wide and in disbelief at how you're acting.

"What?! He started it." You slumped back in your seat and let out a sigh.

"Not another word." She says sternly.

"Not another word." You mock her under your breath.

"Aye, stop. You and that attitude boutta get in some trouble the last weeks of senior year." Yoongi puts his hand on your wrist, causing you to shake your head and click your teeth.

"Anyway, you should go." Hoseok whispers as he leans over on the table to look at you.

"No. Besides, with what date?"

"Take the basketball." Joon snickers.

"You're a complete dumbass, Namjoon. Stop talking." You snap.

"Maybe they're right, bub. It's senior year and it's coming to an end quick. I'd hate for you to regret it." Yoongi turns to you and says lowly.

"You know that won't happen." But really, part of you did feel a little bad. You knew it wasn't your scene, and you really didn't care what people thought of you when it came down to it. However, you always wondered what it would be like if someone liked you. If someone wanted you. Crushed on you so hard that they couldn't keep their hands off of you, couldn't stop thinking of you. Your first love. To feel pleasure, pain. Mixture of emotions simply by being in love. You wondered what it would be like to lose your virginity and have good, good sex. Besides, you were a human with needs. But the only person you have ever been close to was Yoongi. For the most part, you didn't see him that way because you knew he definitely didn't. But, you also couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to take your relationship to that point. If it was anyone, he would be the one you'd have feelings for. He would be your first kiss, your first everything. Because Yoongi was comfort and security for you.

But you valued your friendship more than anything.

"Just saying, think about it." He follows up.

"Think about getting an expensive dress and painful ass heals to wear for one night, just to dance around in 'em and take one professional pic with a date? Maybe get railed if I'm lucky?" You playfully wiggle your eyebrows making Yoongi shake his head.

"Don't be such a party pooper for once."

"Mmm. Great reasoning. Really convincing me here." You laugh it off even though in all honesty, you were thinking about it.

The bell rings and thank god it's finally lunch because you were fucking starving. Appetite and attitude on na-na, no doubt. You silently part ways with Yoongi to stop by your locker and grab your lunch. You make your way to the rowdy ass cafeteria, quickly scanning the room to catch a sight of Yoongi. You see him sitting on top of one of the lunch tables with Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin and Taehyung sitting around him. Clearly, Yoongi wasn't free today.

"Wassup baby? Wanna trade that ball in for me?" Jimin says as you pass by their table to make your way outside to the bleachers. You flick him off before rolling your eyes and pretending to gag.

"Fuck off, Park." The group laughs except for Yoongi.

"Wonder if she's got that bad attitude in bed, too." Yoongi doesn't hesitate to smack Jimin upside the head because yeah, no matter what, he was gonna protect you as much as possible. "Owwww, I'm just kidding Yoongi."

"Don't let me hear you say that shit around me ever again."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. It was just a joke." Jimin winces as he rubs the back of his head.

"Damn Min Yoonks, why don't you take her ass to prom if it's like that?" Taehyung says, chewed up food coming into full view as he smacks loudly.

"Why don't you learn how to close your mouth first?" Yoongi spits back.

"Y/N is really rubbing off on you."

"It's manners, idiot. You should've been learned that." Namjoon says, laughing.

"But foreel, why won't you take her? You both are close, you've never seen her that way?" Hoseok asks making Yoongi shake his head in response.

"She's my bestfriend. I value her just the way she is, no more no less."

"Ah, you must have thought about it at least once." Yoongi keeps silent. Luckily, the group easily gets distracted and starts paying attention to Seokjin and Jungkook coming over as they talk about the dates they've scored for prom.

Yoongi has thought about it. Still does. Just like he is for you, you're the only one who understands him and takes him for who he is. You know the real him besides basketball player Yoongi. You're the only one who keeps it real. But he would rather keep it this way than ruin things between you and him. He'd hate to fuck up with you because he knows he can fuck up, there's no hiding from it. He'd never forgive himself if he lost you.

Practice is hell today for you and fuck, you really wanna just go home and lay down for the rest of the evening. Coach had you all running suicides and conditioning drills on the courts outside and pulling scrimmages against each other left and right. Let's not forget how coach is always on your ass right before a game too. Hell, she catches an attitude way worse than you before game time and after a loss. You wanted to avoid that at all costs. But, to avoid taking the bus home and instead hitching a ride with Yoongi, you throw on a hoodie and haul your ass to the gym in some nike slippers. You take a seat on a free end at one of the bleachers, holding Spalding in between your legs with your duffle next to you on the floor. The game is off to a start in about 5 minutes, Yoongi catches sight of you on the bleachers and nods. You give him a small smile as a gesture of good luck, which he reciprocates.

The game starts off intensely, both teams scoring closely even with the boys putting straight pressure. Towards the end of the first half, Yoongi and Eunwoo are the leading scorers, putting their team up by 10. Halftime is a bunch of hoo-haa, with cheerleaders in their itty bitty skirts, trying to shake their asses as they cheer for the boys. The boys don't even hide the fact that their ogling, and it's clear as day they all want some pussy. Quite frankly, they walk around thinking they deserve it cause of how hard they try to pull some wins and put the school on the map. Student government comes up for a bit too, pulling some kind of skit to weirdly promote prom. It makes you cringe and in all honesty, it makes you not wanna go even more, but it is your senior year. If you can snag a date, then maybe.

"Hey." Terra [not a cheerleader but still a pretty, popular chick] plops next to you with a smirk on her face. Immediately, you want no part in it because you already know what she's trying to do.

"Hi?"

"I'm just gonna cut straight to it. Do you know if Yoongi is seeing anyone?"

"How the hell would I know, Terra?" You furrow your brows at her.

"Because you're close to him, aren't you?"

"And? Doesn't mean I'm telling people his business. Besides, he's not obligated to tell me everything just cause we're close." She rolls her eyes.

"Whatever. Look, can you do me a favor and give this to him?" She tries handing you a little ass piece of paper folded neatly with a pink heart decorated on the front.

"Why don't you give it to him yourself?"

"That's no fun." You scoff and roll your eyes. Really, miss girl? "Be a doll for once, yeah?" She winks and slips the note in between your wrist and Spalding so it stays put. You take the note and eye it, letting out a deep sigh as you shove it into your pocket. You weren't in the mood to be extra rude today so you'll give it to him later when he drives you home.

The game finally finishes with Yoongi making a final three, the boys keeping their lead up by 10. Everyone cheers and showers the boys with love after the team has finished shaking hands and high-fiving their opponents. You stick around until the crowd dies down, watching Yoongi flirt with Terra as you swing your duffle bag strap onto your shoulder before slowly heading down the bleachers.

"Hey bighead, good game today." You lightly punch him against the chest.

"I knew you'd come."

"Shut up. I'll be at your car."

"For what?"

"Cause you're taking me home, punk."

"No please?"

"Please." He shakes his head and chuckles before you part ways to let him gather his things in the locker room. When you finally catch sight of his teeny head coming towards you from the gym, you hear him unlock his car to let you in while he continues to walk over.

"Fuuuuuck." He says, throwing his things in the back before buckling his seat belt and switching the gear into drive.

"You have fan mail." Yoongi looks over and sees you clutching the note Terra gave you.

"What's that, a condom?"

"You're sick. It's from Terra."

"Who's that again?" You make a face at him.

"You were just telling her sweet nothings earlier after the game?"

"Oh, Terra with the tig o' bitties. Got it." He shakes his head. "I wasn't telling her sweet nothings."

"Right. You're an absolute dipshit, you know?" You prop up a leg on the seat while you unfold the letter.

"Give it!" You move it away from his grasp and begin to read it out loud.

"Yoongi, you're honestly so hot. If you don't have a date for prom, I just want you to know that I'm free, and I promise I'll give you a good time if you take me." You cackle. "Boy, what the fuck is this? Ew."

"Shut up." He blushes before laughing along with you.

"Look at her, writing her coochie out on paper."

"She isn't."

"Oh, really? Pfft." You softly scoff. "So, are you taking her or what?"

"I don't know? Maybe, damn. What about you?"

"What about me, fool? I told you I'd think about it."

"Go with Jimin. He still doesn't have a date." He hates to say it with how much of an asshole Jimin can be, but if it meant you'd be at your senior prom then Yoongi will let it pass. He'll make sure Jimin doesn't try any slick shit.

"Ew, god no."

"Look, I'll make sure he doesn't go overboard. I promise."

"Why do you want me there so badly, Yoongi?"

"Because it's our last year in high school together and I'd really like to celebrate with you somehow." You sigh heavily.

"Fair enough. Let me sit on it."

"Better hurry and stop keeping that seat warm."

"Don't rush me." You punch his arm, causing a groan to erupt from him.

- - -

Really, you'd rather be anywhere than at prom with Park Jimin holding onto your waist the way he is for the pictures you're taking with him, Yoongi and the rest of their group and dates. After all the pictures and fake smiles, you feel him slowly slip his hand down your dress to try and get a grip on your ass, but before you could do so, you're grabbing his wrist with full pressure and making him wince.

"Don't you fucking dare or else I'll cut your dick off and throw it in a blender."

"Aish, ah, fuck! Okay, I'm kidding, let me go!" He whines lowly. You let go of his wrist after one more good squeeze, causing him to wiggle his hand to get the feeling back.

"Get me some punch, will you? My mouth is dry."

"You know, I might know something else that can help." Jimin wiggles his eyebrows as he continues to hold onto his wrist.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

"Or not. I'll be back." He accepts defeat by smiling from ear to ear before walking off. You sit off to the side, the heels a huge pain in the ass on top of Jimin already being a huge pain in the ass. You lean over on your knees, completely forgetting you have a short dress on, causing boys passing by to whistle and eye at the easy access.

"The fuck are you looking at? Keep it moving." Yoongi says pushing the guys forward before shooting you a look. "Y/N, really?"

"Shit sorry, I forgot. I'm not used to this." You sit up and adjust your dress before rubbing your arms at how self-conscious you suddenly [and unexpectedly] feel.

"Are you having fun at least?" He sits next to you, manspreading on the seat in the navy suit he has on.

"Mmm, sure." You slightly smile at him. "What about you? You actually took Terra, huh?"

"Yeah, it's pretty fun." He chuckles. "Don't lie, I saw you dancing a bit earlier."

"That's when the alcohol hadn't worn off yet." You snort, remembering Seokjin's older brother giving the group alcohol after all the parents were done taking their pictures of you all. Yoongi laughs along with you before he looks over and simply stares at you, hair all done, makeup done perfectly without it being too much. You in a dress.

"You look beautiful tonight, bub."

"You don't look too bad yourself, bubby." You blush before Jimin interrupts the moment with your cup of punch.

"Here, princess."

"You better not be trying anything slick, punkass." Yoongi says.

"Mm, don't worry. I haven't been able to." You kick his shin as you chug your punch, causing him to cough and choke on his own words. "I'd like to peacefully have this slow dance with you at least, damn." You swallow the last bits of punch before you're taking Jimin's hand to the floor. Yoongi watches as you two make your way to the dance floor for a slow dance, slightly regretting that he didn't just ask you to dance.

"Let's dance, babe." Terra's baby voice comes out as she pulls him up from the seat to find a spot on the dance floor. Yoongi is honestly tired of having to keep up with Terra's energy and her clingy ass, but nonetheless, he was happy you were around for prom.

He was really happy you were around for prom, even though you hated this shit more than anything.

He had you in full view ahead, and so did you. He couldn't help but direct his attention towards you and keep his eyes on you. Fuck, he has never seen anyone so beautiful until you walked through Seokjin's doors with Jimin. Look, let's get this straight. Even though you had your own way of expressing yourself, he always loved your natural beauty, your natural glow. He loved watching you on the court and how happy it made you to play ball. He remembers every accomplishment, every milestone you've reached. How you've grown tremendously as a ball player. He would never admit it to you in person, but he definitely admires how you push yourself and how you always do what you can to improve. Hell, you might just be the better player between the both of you. And when you catch him looking over, he doesn't even try and hide it. He doesn't even care that he's still holding onto Terra and slow dancing with her.

Something within you flips. You feel that shit in the pit of your stomach, at the heat of your core.

But, you brush it off and break eye contact first, even if he doesn't stop staring. This couldn't happen, no. This was your bestfriend. You weren't gonna let the things you felt get in the way of that.

Nope.

Suddenly, the song changes to something more upbeat and twerkable, Jimin taking the opportunity to spin you around and grind on you. You really need a distraction anyway, something to rid you of those god awful thoughts about your bestfriend, so you let him and you have fun with it. Everyone around you is having fun anyway, and fuck, you wouldn't have to do this ever again so fuck it.

"Let me get a dance with my bestfriend." Yoongi says to Jimin.

"Go dance with your date!"

"Shut up and switch for a second!" Yoongi says, pushing him off of you so he could get behind and dance with you.

"Yoonks, what the hell?" You laugh.

"Go with it, bub. It's fucking senior year, we're graduating soon." You go with his movements, having the time of your life with everyone around you as prom quickly comes to a close.

When you get into Jimin's car, you knock off your heels as he continues to talk nonstop about the night. Jimin was a cutie but god, you could not stand his mindset for the life of you. You were grateful he had agreed to take you to prom, but damn. Prom was done and all you wanted was some peace and quiet.

"I hope you had fun with me tonight." You give him a toothless smile before slipping your heels back on.

"I did, thank you for taking me. Really." He smiles from ear to ear before leaning over near your seat.

"Can I get just one good smooch for the night?" You look at him before you smirk and lean over near his lips.

"Sure." You whisper.

"Oh fuck, this is actually happening."

"Close your eyes, I know you don't fucking kiss with your eyes open. What are you doing?"

"Right. Sorry." He closes his eyes and puckers his lips. You lean in a little closer, feeling his breath against your lips.

Then you flick his nose.

"Ouch!"

"Peace out, Park." You throw open his door to step out and shut it behind you to quietly walk into your house.

The lights are off and your parents are already tucked into the room for the night, leaving you a note on the fridge reminding you to make sure all the doors are locked before retreating to your room. You do as you're reminded before quietly shutting your door and tossing your heels to the side. You let the pins down from your hair, ruffling it around a bit and relieving any pressure on your head. Before turning away from your dresser, you notice a letter from the one university you had been waiting on. You had been waiting to hear back from Stanford for the longest time, and quite frankly, you had been upset you hadn't heard especially when their scouts were at your game awhile ago.

You had broken down to your parents, to Yoongi, automatically assuming the worst when you heard that other people had already been accepted and scouted for Stanford. Suddenly, you found yourself working harder and harder because you felt like you were lacking in so many areas. You felt low, and like your dream was running miles and miles away from you. Faster than you could keep up.

You take the letter in your hand, but don't want to open it because you don't feel ballsy enough [surprisingly]. You call up Yoongi, not caring that he could possibly be in the middle of getting his dick wet.

"Sup?"

"Are you busy?"

"I was just about to walk into my house."

"Oh, nevermind."

"Need me to come by?"

"I got a letter from Stanford."

"Shit, I'll be there in 2 mins."

And in 2 minutes, he surely was knocking at your window. You slide it up enough for him to climb in, Yoongi still in his prom get-up as well.

"Here." You instantly hand him the letter.

"What, why me? It should be you."

"I can't, I really can't." He sighs.

"Are you sure you won't regret this?"

"No, bub. Please." You sit on the bed and fiddle with your fingers as you watch him rip the envelope open and tear out the letter. You can't even keep your eyes on him as he reads the letter and starts backing away from you.

"Shit."

"What? What?!" You stand, trying your best to keep your tone low. He covers his mouth, causing you to pinch his bicep at how dramatic he was being. "Just say it!"

"You're not going." Your heart sinks, but before you could process it, Yoongi speaks up again. "To any other college because Stanford wants you."

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" You whisper and shove him.

"Congrats, bubby. Guess we'll be together in college too." Your eyes widen.

"Y-you're going? T-to Stanford?" He smiles and nods.

"Yeah, I am."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Look, I just wanted to give you your space. That's all. I found out before you went all cry baby on me."

"Shut up." You say before laughing and jumping into his arms, throwing your legs around his torso while he swings you around. As he sets you back down onto your bedroom floor, your hands linger around his neck, gently tugging on the hair that rested there. He keeps you close, his hands resting around your waist as your chests are still touching. You honestly have no idea what takes over you— perhaps all the feelings you felt tonight at prom taking over, or feeling overjoyed from finally hearing back from Stanford, you couldn't decide. But you crash your lips against his, immediately pulling back after you realized you've just kissed your bestfriend.

You just had your first fucking kiss through accidental causes.

Well, shit.

Was it accidental or no?

Mind is going off on a tangent.

"Woah. I'm so sorry, Yoonks, I—" He doesn't allow for any space between you two, keeping your body flush against his as his lips crash onto yours again to cut you off. To be quite honest, things are moving fast and the kiss deepens quick. You follow his motions, gaining some rhythm as your tongue dances along with his in the [now] wet, sloppy kiss.

"Wait, Y/N." He pulls away as the moment intensifies. "A-are you sure you wanna keep going? To be honest, I don't know if I'll be able to hold myself back and I know you haven't exactly—" He knows it would be your first time and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. I mean, sure, he loved you. You were special to him. But he wanted to make sure your first time was also special, whether it be him or whoever else.

"Please. I want this. I wanna do this with you."

By the looks of tonight, it seems like it's meant to be him.

You press your lips back onto his with the same intensity and start to unbutton his shirt when you feel his hands hike up your dress. He gently pushes you on the bed, crawling over to you as he kicks off his shoes and finishes ripping off his shirt and tie. He slowly removes the straps of your dress down your shoulders and undoes the zipper on the side before slipping it down and leave you in your panties.

You had no bra on.

Yoongi's eyes widen when he realizes such, your cheeks heating up while you watch him stare down your body. You begin to feel incredibly self-conscious so you cover your chest with an arm. Yoongi senses your uneasiness, your confidence shooting down below zero.

"You're beautiful, bub. Don't." He says, gently tugging your arm away and letting it fall limply to the side. You simply nod and let him take the reigns because you had no idea what the fuck you were doing. So many emotions were flooding your mind— you were nervous, you were scared, you were shy, you felt lost and too innocent under Yoongi, even if he knew you like the back of his hand.

And because of that, he could pick up on it with the way your body continued to tense up. He shook off his pants, leaving on his boxers until you were ready for him. Cause fuck, he was ready for you, but he had to take this slow. He had to take care of you.

He lowers himself onto you after the two of you have climbed under the sheets, lowering his head against your neck to press light, feathery kisses along the surface. You felt the tingles shoot down your spine every time his lips made contact, causing you to softly gasp and arch your back at how sensitive you were already feeling.

"If you ever feel uncomfortable, just tell me to stop okay?" He says lowly. You nod in response, Yoongi taking it as leverage to plant a kiss on your lips before moving down to your breasts. He keeps his eyes on you, making sure you don't seem uncomfortable in the slightest bit. But you don't, and it's indicated in the way you bite your bottom lip and arch your back at the way his tongue wraps around your hardened bud. He does the same on the other breast before peppering kisses down your stomach and abdomen.

"Yoongi." You slightly gasp, shy at how unusually close he is to your lady friend.

"What's wrong? Want me to stop?" His thumbs gently caressed your thighs as his head hovered over your pelvis. You shake your head and nervously swallow before speaking once more.

"I-I'm just scared, what if you don't like—"

"Shh." He shushes you. "You're everything to me, you know that. You don't have to change just so I could enjoy you in bed. I'll take good care of you, bub. I promise."

"O-okay." He nods, placing a kiss over your clothed clit before pulling them down to get lost within your sheets. He swipes a finger down your folds, causing your breathing to hitch slightly. You watch as he slowly inserts the same digit inside of you, biting onto his bottom lip watching your facial expressions turn from uncertainty to straight pleasure. "Another." You moan.

"You sure?"

"Yes, please." He inserts another digit, curling his fingers upward as he starts to finger fuck you at a steady pace.

"Shit, you're so wet Y/N." He says lowly before lowering his mouth onto you to get a taste and tease your clit. You gasp at the overwhelming sensation, feeling the pleasure bubbling in your core and you had no idea how to deal with it. He picks up his pace while tonguing your clit and sucking at the right pressure until suddenly, you short circuit and tremble under his grip. You purse your lips together to prevent yourself from moaning too loud with your parents at the other end of the hall [jesus fucking christ], knuckles turning white as you grip the sheets tightly.

Your first orgasm came and washed over you quick.

"Did you just—" He removes his digits from inside of you, drooling at your cum accumulating all over his fingers.

"Holy fuck." You whisper as you regulate your breathing, twitching when Yoongi places a quick kiss on your pussy before coming back up to you.

"How was that?"

"So good. Wanna feel you." You whine, tugging him down towards you.

"I got you, bubby." He says, kissing your jaw, cheek, nose and lips. He reaches over into his pants on the floor, grabbing a condom out of his pocket. You furrow your brow and chuckle, confused if this was something he always did.

"You just carry that around?"

"The guys and I split on a box and carried one each for tonight. Just in case."

"Total fucking assholes." He chuckles.

"Better safe than not, right?" He rips it open with his teeth, spitting the wrapper out onto the floor before rolling it down his cock. He was perfectly thick and long, and it made you a nervous wreck all over again thinking about how this could feel. "Ready? I'll go slow." You nod. You immediately felt immense pressure when you felt Yoongi dip his body and slowly enter you. You winced, Yoongi immediately pausing until you tapped his arm to continue. And so he does, and you continue to breathe through it until he bottoms out and lets out a soft groan against your neck. "Fuck, you're so tight bub. God, you're gonna make me cum quick." He slowly pumps in and out, steadying his pace when he feels you buck your hips up to go along with his motions.

The pleasure skyrocketed; You shut your eyes, letting yourself be in this moment. Feel this moment.

He picks it up a little faster, careful not to bang your headboard against the wall. His forehead is pressed against yours, watching as you let out soft whimpers against his lips.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yoongi-Yoongi—" You whispered. "You're gonna make me—" It was becoming overwhelming, your clit rubbing against him as he steadied his pace and continued to fuck into you. He nods, pressing a kiss against your forehead.

"Yeah, that's it. Let go. It's okay." And that was enough for you to reach your second orgasm tonight. Quick, but fuck. Yoongi made you feel so good, and you wouldn't want it any other way. You shut your eyes as you hurdled over the edge, mouth open with silent, inaudible moans being released. "So fucking pretty." Yoongi says as he feels himself reaching his high with the way your walls pulsated against his cock.

God. So, so good.

He holds onto the headboard and quickly fucks into you until he's spilling his seed in the condom, muffled moans being released against the crook of your neck. It takes a moment before Yoongi raises his head, your hands running through his black hair while he presses a tender kiss against your lips. He slowly removes himself, wrapping the condom in a tissue before tossing it into your trash can. He plops next to you and welcomes you into his arms, caressing you to soothe you from your first time.

"You okay?"

"More than okay." You say, the both of you trying to savor the moment before trying to navigate where to go from here.

What now?

Third Quarter: College, Junior Year (Present)

You bent down, hands resting against your knees as you tried to catch your breath during the timeout Coach Chu had called with 5.2 seconds literally left on the clock. He laid out the play he wanted you and the team to pull off in order to gain the win over Berkeley.

It had to be executed perfectly. No flaws.

Coach Chu had been riding your ass since you were a freshman. But, over the years, you've learned how to work through his tough love and turn it into positives, bettering yourself on and off the floor. It paid off, and he saw the fire in you, finally moving you up to starting point guard right before the season ended. Some team members hated it at first, but eventually, grew to work with it as well.

The plan was to have you come down into the paint and lay up the ball or take a shot at the very last second to avoid Berkeley from getting another chance at scoring. Sometimes you hated the pressure, but you've also learned that a big part of playing ball was thriving under pressure.

Your team closes up the huddle before you and your teammates are heading back out onto the floor to try and get this win. You shake off the nerves, bouncing the ball out of bounds until you check it in with your teammate. After that— it was like a blur. Shit happened so quick, you couldn't even process it. You passed the ball and dashed over to the other side of the court while your teammate put up a screen. You rose your hand as you ran into the paint, adrenaline rushing through your veins as you awkwardly lay up the ball in the position you were in and stumble onto the ground from losing your footing. You turn your head as the buzzer went off, noticing that the ball had bounced off the rim.

You missed a fucking lay up.

How could you miss a fucking lay up?

"Fuck!" You cry as you sit up and smack the floor.

"Aye, it's all good girl! Ain't a big deal! You win some, you lose some! We still got a ways to go!" Your teammate [roommate, and closest college friend] Clarice said as she helped you up. She was right, but every loss to you was a big loss no matter what. Coach was for sure gonna drill you about this too, and you were already mentally preparing.

"Thanks." You mumble. You look out at the disappointed crowd slowly dispersing, wishing you could still catch a familiar face in the crowd.

But, Yoongi hadn't been to your game in years. So you thought. You never caught him if he ever stepped foot into your game.

Your head hung low as the familiar feeling of pain and loneliness came rushing back while you headed to the locker room. Too bad you didn't see him hiding out on the side of the bleachers with Lucas.

"Y/N, a word." Coach Chu says, leading you into his office.

Fuck, here we go.

You shut the door behind you and stand awkwardly in front of his desk, fiddling with your fingers.

"Look, I just want to say that you put on hell of a show tonight, win or lose. We still have plenty of games left, plenty of opportunities to lock in play-offs. Alright? Don't be upset."

"Thanks Coach." You give him a tiny smile.

"Are you doing okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so."

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing coach, just been a hectic couple of weeks." In which, it was no lie. You crammed for test after test, project after project. You barely had any time to breathe this year.

"Well, my door is always open if you need to chat." You nod. "I'll see you at practice. Enjoy your night."

"Thanks again." You say as you exit his office and get yourself showered and into comfier clothes.

Meanwhile, Yoongi heads back to his dorm room alongside Lucas, hands dug deep into his pockets while his head hung low.

"You ever gonna talk to her?"

"I don't know." He sighs. "Pretty sure I fucked up any chance of that."

"Look, dude. You haven't really been the same since you and Y/N fell out." Yoongi stays silent as they slowly climb the steps up to their room. "Why are you just gonna leave it like this? It's been so long already. Doesn't it bother you?"

"Positive she doesn't want me around." Lucas shakes his head.

"You haven't even tried. You just gave up and that shit is cold, to be honest. I know Y/N always held it down for you, I would have expected you to do the same." The words cut through Yoongi so deep, he doesn't even know how to respond and leaves it at that.

As you heavily dragged your body back to the dorms and took your sweet ol' time, your mind began to wander back to Yoongi as well. After he had taken your virginity that night, things took a turn for the worst.

He treated you differently, created this distance that allowed you to grow farther and farther apart from each other until he was no longer in your grasp and vice versa.

You went from Yoongi being a part of your every day to nothing. And fuck, did it hurt you. You cried and cried, until you were so tired of crying. You had to pick yourself up and keep it moving no matter what. Life waits for nobody.

You reminisce on those days of debating over who could really be considered the greatest. Although, you did pay your respects to the bigs, the greats— Kobe, Magic, MJ, Lebron— you paid respect where it was rightfully due. However, Derrick Rose at his prime? Rajon Rondo? Chris Paul?

Hell, even Baron Davis, Monte Ellis. Rookie Steph Curry? Shiiit. They were it for you, and Yoongi used to dog your ass on how unrealistic you were being.

That was all gone.

He must be having a ball watching Steph climb up those charts now, though. You wonder what he would say to you.

The days of going to basketball games, to each other's basketball games, to ordering hella pizza and creating chaos in either house over the dunk contest during the NBA All Star Week or yelling all around the living room and jumping on couches during the NBA playoff season and championship games— All gone.

If you knew this would drastically change you and Yoongi, you would have never let that night happen. You continued to put on your brave face, your thick, tough skin even though deep down, it took everything in you to suppress the hurt, betrayal and confusion. Even after all these years.

He meant everything to you. Did you not to him? You could never understand until this day. How could he dispose of you so, so quickly?

You see him on campus and quickly break any eye contact, or run the opposite way. You were tired of doing this even though you felt like you needed closure. Some explanation. You deserved it. But you weren't gonna initiate that. Even if Yoongi did, you don't even know if things could ever go back to the way it was. He promised he would never hurt you, but he has. He still is hurting you. The wounds— it cut deep. Deeper than he could ever imagine.

"Hello?" You smile, hearing your dad on the other line.

"Hey dad."

"Hey baby! How was your game? I'm sorry I couldn't catch it tonight, work kept me behind." You sigh.

"Eh, it's probably good you didn't. Didn't turn out so well." He picks up on how your voice cracks ever so slightly, enough to indicate that you were trying your hardest not to break down about your performance. "I missed the winning shot."

"Oh sweetheart, you'll get 'em next time. You always do. You still have a couple of games left don't you?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that I played shitty as hell tonight."

"There's always room for improvement, only way to go is up from here right?" He says softly, making you smile. "You'll get 'em next time, I have no doubt. You always know how to better yourself even when I think you've already reached your highest potential."

"Thanks Dad. You always were my number one fan."

"I still am." He chuckles. "How's everything else? School?"

"Fine." He always has to stop himself from asking about Yoongi, even to ask if there's been the slightest change to your relationship.

"You sure?"

"Course." You lie.

"Alright, well you know me and your mom are here for you if you need anything."

"I know."

"I'll let you go and get some rest, alright? Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Mmm, I'll try." You chuckle. "I love you."

"Love you too. And hey, baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Always remember that you deserve everything good in this world. If someone can't handle you at your worse, they sure as hell don't deserve you at your best."

"Thank you." You smile as if your dad can see you through the phone before hanging up and unlocking your dorm door.

"Sigma Nu party going on tonight, wanna come and slide through?" Clarice asks as she watches you toss your duffle aside.

"I'm tired, not in the mood."

"So aren't I, but I think we both need it. Come on girl, just for a little." You sigh. Clarice had also been there by your side since you both were freshmen recruits. One day, she came into the room and found you a crying mess, causing her to wrap her arms around you and craddle you until you calmed down. You had spilled the beans about Min Yoongi, especially when he quickly became the talk of the campus as a ladies man and one of the best freshmen recruits Stanford has ever seen. You hated it, but a part of you still found yourself happy that he was getting the recognition he deserved as a ball player.

He wasn't the tallest, or the biggest, but boy had heart and played every game like it was his last. You had been his number one fan, and even though you hated him, that fact would never change.

Anyways, without Clarice, you weren't sure where you'd be. Definitely not here because you'd be too busy running away from your past and all the issues that came with it.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and say it. You would be stupid enough to not go to your first choice just because of a stupid boy.

"Fine, fine. I'm leaving as soon as someone wants to start acting up and getting all crazy though."

"Deal." She chuckles. You've learned how to dress up a little more— and by a little we mean baggy sweats, a crop tight fitting tee and chapstick. No way in hell you'd get dolled up for a party. Out of the years you've already been here, you probably went to two parties. One being the party Coach Chu threw at his house for a record-breaking season. The other was a legit party that you stepped foot in for all of 2 seconds before you figured it was time to head home, especially after seeing Yoongi hugged up with some chick and disgustingly tonguing her down while groping her ass.

Shit, you were never gonna get used to it.

The frat house is fucking packed and wreaks of weed even down the corner. You and Clarice push your way through, greeting people who were acknowledging your presence and waving at your other teammates that were also present.

"More basketball babes have arrived, let's go!" One of the frat guys cheers as you and Clarice make your way to the kitchen where all the alcohol is laid out.

"One shot?" She asks as she already has her hand wrapped around the Svedka handle.

"One and done." You tell her. You shouldn't have let her pour the shot though because now, you're stuck with nasty ass vodka near the halfway mark of the cup. "Clarice, what the fuck is this?"

"It's called savoring our one."

"You're fucked up." You joked as you tap your cup against hers and take the shot in three chugs. "Really fucked up." You wince.

"Come, lets go see what the other girls are up to and hang out for a bit." You follow her lead to the corner of the living room, chatting it up with your team before dancing around in the little corner you all occupied— keeping as far away as possible from sloppy and messy dudes.

You turned to eye the crowd at some point, catching Yoongi coming down the stairs, a female following from behind holding his hand. Then, they disappear to the outside of the house. You swallow the lump in your throat, the room feeling hotter than it already was.

Why he still had this affect on you, you had no idea.

Clarice and your teammates are too busy cracking jokes that they don't realize you've slipped away to get some air. You're finding that the crowd has come bigger in the short amount of time you've been here and navigating through it has become difficult. You're having to bob, weave and shove your way out, letting out a sigh the closer you get to the front of the house. You're also really glad you've been able to steer clear from—

"Shit, my bad." You unintentionally bump into someone making your way to the front from the side of the house due to you keeping your head low.

"Y/N?" You whip your head around to see Yoongi raising a brow, dropping his arm from the same chick's shoulders.

"Hi." You give him a fake, tight-lipped smile and rush your way to the front of the house. Thank god you finally make it because you were starting to feel claustrophobic, even being outside. However, you weren't prepared for Yoongi to come after you and grab your wrist the way he did.

"Wait, I didn't expect you to be here." Out of defense, you quickly snatch your wrist away from his grip and furrow your brows at him.

"Yeah, and now I'm leaving."

"Why, hang out for a bit—"

"And what, Yoongi? Watch you be the life of the party? Watch you walk around all fine and dandy like shit never happened between us?" You feel the tears welling up on your bottom lids, but you promised yourself you would never cry over him again. You refuse to. He had already taken up so much of you that you refuse to give him any more.

"Is that what you really think?" He says, the hurt apparent in his expression. To be frank, no. Yoongi really, really never meant to hurt you. And just like he had mentioned before, he would never forgive himself if he ever hurt you. He hasn't forgiven himself. He hasn't forgiven himself for how he let you slip out of his grasp when it was his own fault for pushing aside his feelings for you. He thought the world of you, the only woman who kept it real with him and stuck by him through the highest of highs, lowest of lows. There was no one as special as you, no one who could ever be as special as you, no matter how many times he tried to sink his dick into other females.

No one was real like you.

But, he was also conflicted because of that. He felt like he couldn't give you the love you rightfully deserved, he didn't think he could love you properly. He had so much to learn and he didn't wanna hurt you in the process. It sounds so fucking stupid [because it is] that he thought distancing himself was better than just being honest. He was a dumbass high schooler, he didn't know any better. But, he never meant to make you feel special for one night, then run from it. You were always special to him. You had always been. You always will be. And these past years hurt like a bitch, but he coudn't find the words to explain. Eventually, he just believed he would do less damage if you both remained distant this way.

Although, he longed for you. He really needed you just as you needed him. He always has, always will.

So when the two of you bump into each other tonight, he felt like maybe, it was a sign. Maybe it was time to stop being childish.

God, he missed your face.

God, he was a fucking asshole.

"No, I'm not doing this shit." You shake your head. "Just— continue to stay away from me, okay? I'm better off without you." The words sting you, but it doesn't sting you as much as it stings Yoongi. You glare at him once more before you turn on your heel and begin walking down the street to head back to your dorm.

"Y/N! Wait up!" Clarice calls for you, eyeing Yoongi as she passes him to catch up with you down the street. "Hey, hey. You okay?" She swings her arm around you when she catches you silently crying to yourself. "What did he do, Y/N?"

"He fucking exists, that's what." You groan. "Ugh, fuck! I'm not supposed to be crying over his dumbass, I'm better than this Clarice— Why the fuck am I crying over it?" You break down, crouching down to your knees, causing Clarice to hover over you and pull you into a hug.

"Maybe you just need to let it out and stop forcing yourself to not feel anything."

"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him." You bawled into your arms. "I hate him so much." She caressed your back. "But he still finds a way to mean so much to me."

"I think it's time for you two to talk."

"I can't. It's just better this way."

"Are you sure? Because look at you, Y/N. You're a mess, and this hasn't even been the first time you broke down about him. As much as you want to believe that you're fine without him, you're not. He was your bestfriend and I think you need him more than you even know yourself."

"He's doing fine without me."

"You don't know that, baby. Dudes are annoying as fuck because they can literally go on about their day and mask that shit well. If he's ready, let him explain. Hear him out. You both may be misunderstanding the entire situation." It takes you a good minute before you can finally gather yourself and make it back to your dorm room with Clarice.

She was right.

But you were so angry more than anything. You were angry and you weren't sure how you could get past it.

He left your side. 

And so the next day, you go about your day in class, staying quieter than usual during practice. For the most part, Coach Chu was always on your ass because of how vocal you were and how much you caught an attitude when things didn’t go the way you'd like it to. So, to see you this quiet, almost sullen even, concerns him. But, he already pressed you once and he wasn't gonna do it again to avoid irritating you any further.

You run the usual conditioning drills, practicing play by play before a final scrimmage game for the night. You push yourself hard like you always do, almost coming out of practice dry heaving from how tired you are. It was your bad habit though, you wouldn't quit until you got it right. Until you felt right. And unfortunately, it's another one of those nights where you feel unsatisfied with your performance. So, you take it upon yourself to continue practicing in the empty gym that was set to close within the next hour. You're tired out of your mind, and you know this is probably a bad idea, but you can't shake off the feeling of dissatisfaction. To you, that was the next worst thing. Right behind Yoongi.

You begin to work on your three pointers, lay ups and shots out of range before you start to play a scrimmage game with yourself.

"I'll play you." You suddenly hear, the sweat beads dripping down your forehead at this point. You watch Yoongi as he drops his water bottle off at the side of the court before walking over to you.

"Go away."

"Afraid you'll lose?"

"No, I just don't wanna play your ass." You shot up the ball, only for it to bounce off the backboard and land in Yoongi's hand.

"Ball up. Let's play till 10."

"Why the hell do you wanna play me, Yoongi? Don't you have a random chick to bone?"

"I'm clearly standing right in front of you aren't I? Quit fucking talking and play." He aggressively passes you the ball to check it in, you following suit, making the ball damn near bounce off of his chest with how hard you pass it back. He knew exactly how to rile you up.

You get into the zone quickly, trying to find some kind of redemption for the way you had been feeling lately. Redemption, validation, way to take the edge off— anything, really. It was only until the first person scored to 10, but Yoongi was putting up one hell of a fight, jet black hair parted down the middle and matted to his forehead from the sweat building up. You take the lead, sitting at 8 while Yoongi sat at a sad 6 points.

"Ball." You call out as you scored a layup, ramming yourself against the padded wall with the force you had put up.

"That's 10."

"Ball, Yoongi." You huffed and puffed.

"Stop, don't overwork yourself. You just got—"

"Suddenly you care? Stop being a pussy and pass me the goddamn ball." He furrows his brows as he passes you the ball, crouching down to meet you at eye level to try and guard you. You run towards the right of the court, pulling a pump fake before you pivot to get away from Yoongi's guard. You pivot hard and drive it up to the basket, only to fall on the wrong footing and twist your ankle on the way down. "Ouch, fuck!"

"Shit, Y/N!" Yoongi comes to your side, hand supporting your back as the other is on your ankle.

"I'm fine, leave me—"

"Stop being so fucking stubborn and let me help you." He says angrily. You don't say anything else while you fix your position on the floor. "Can you wiggle it at least?"

"Y-yeah." You wince as you wiggle your foot and roll it around a couple of times. Phew, at least this shit wasn't gone for good. But Coach Chu still wouldn't be happy to hear you sprained your ankle releasing your anger on Yoongi during a dumb game. Yoongi helps you stand, arm around your waist as he throws your arm around his neck and holds you steady by the wrist.

"Try walking on it."

"I can, but it hurts a little." Yoongi sighs.

"You just sprained it. Let's go get you some ice or something at the nursing center before going back to your dorm." You silently nod as you hang onto Yoongi for extra support, careful not to make the situation any worse than it already is. He has you sit on the chair within the nursing center, the nurse coming over to wrap your ankle nicely before giving you crutches and some instant hot compress to pop onto it. She orders for security to drive you two over to the dorm building in their go-cart so that you wouldn't have to do much walking on your foot while you focused on healing.

Yoongi doesn't leave your side, even after you've walked into your dark, empty dorm room, not really knowing where Clarice is at right now [possibly library]. He shuts your door and sits you on the edge of your bed, setting your crutches near your bed side and your instant hot compress.

"You need anything else?" Your head hangs low as you slightly chuckle and shake your head.

"Why are you doing this?" You ask him lowly before looking back up at him, tears clouding your vision. "Hm? Why, Yoongi?"

"You're hurt, why wouldn't I—"

"Hmm." You hum. "I'm hurt? So where the fuck were you after prom night? When I was hurt then, where the fuck have you been?" You began to cry.

"Y/N." His tongue swipes over his lips before he sighs. "I'm sorry." He says, close to a whisper.

"Are you? Because I don't think you really understand how bad you hurt me." You aggressively wipe away your tears while continuing to look at him, his body language soft and full of regret. "You didn't care about me."

"How could you say that? I cared—" He sighs as his head drops for a second. "I care about you more than you know."

"If you did then why the fuck was it so easy for you to drop me the way you did?!" You yelled. "You just don't do that to the people you care about, especially if it’s your bestfriend."

"Look, you're right. I have no excuse for the way I acted, and if I could turn back time to re-do it, I would. But I can't, and the only thing I can do is apologize and do my best to make it up to you." His bottom lip trembles as he steps closer to you, a small frown forming at the corners of his mouth.

"Yoongi." You cried. "I did everything for you, I stuck by you through everything, even during the times you didn't deserve that shit from me. But I stayed! I stood by you because you meant everything to me and god—" You groaned. "I needed you. I needed you and you weren't there! I fucking hate you for doing this shit to me but part of me will always have love for you no matter how fucked up the situation is. I will always drop everything for you. I will always care about you, and it's so unfair." It broke Yoongi's heart and he didn't know what to say, but he wraps his arms around you anyway, keeping you in a tight hug against his chest. He's surprised that you let him, even more surprised at how he feels your body soften under his touch.

"Fuck, I'm so, so sorry bub." He says lowly as he presses a kiss on top of your head. "I'm so sorry."

"Please don't ever go again." You cry against his chest.

"No, I'm not. I'm gonna be right here." He says hugging you tighter. "You're the only one who's ever understood me, who's ever kept it real with me. I don't deserve you, but I know damn sure I'll work hard to make up for letting you go in the first place." He places another kiss on top of your head. "I'm right here. Not going anywhere. I'm so sorry."

- - -

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

"THE STANFORD BOYS TAKE THE CHAMPIONSHIP!" The commentator screams into his mic, Yoongi running a lap around the court before he's cheering loudly with his teammates and joining the group hug. You run down the bleachers, dashing straight into Yoongi's arms while he swings you around.

"That's what I'm fucking talking about!" You squeal and giggle as Yoongi places you back down and plants multiple kisses around your face, hands resting on the small of your back.

"Let's get out of here." He whispers in your ear.

"I'll wait at your car, bighead." You wink, causing him to smile that gummy smile of his that you adore more than life itself.

There's obviously a huge party going on tonight to celebrate this huge achievement, but Yoongi says he doesn't wanna join for once. He's happy, yeah. But the way he wants to celebrate is in peace. After so long, he feels like he can finally say he's content with where his life is at and where it's going. He drives over to the nearest beach, backing into a space so the both of you could sit in the back and try catching all the shooting stars up above. Yoongi leans against the side of the trunk, allowing you to lay your head on his lap while you curled up beside him listening to the waves slowly crash against the sand.

"Saw one." He says, looking up at the sky.

"You're a punk, no you didn't."

"What?" He laughs. "How are you about to say that? I caught it with my own two eyes."

"Oop! I saw one!"

"Now that's a lie. I was looking up too."

"Shut up." You laugh, causing Yoongi to tickle you along the sides before he stops and plants a kiss on your lips. It's silent for a minute while the two of you take in the night view— The sky and ocean coming together as one, forming a view that seemed endless.

"Hey."

"Hm?" You hum as Yoongi's fingers gently brush through your hair.

"You know I love you right?"

"Ew with the sappy shit, Min Yoongi." He laughs.

"Seriously."

"I know." You smile up at him. "I love you too."

"Come here." He says softly, tugging you upwards. You sit up, allowing Yoongi to press his lips against yours. He pulls you in by your shirt, having you straddle his lap while he grips onto your hips and immediately grinds against you. You let out a small moan feeling how quickly he hardened, his cock hitting you in the right places as you continue to grind on him. "Fuck, wanna feel you babygirl."

"Here?"

"Yeah." He chuckles and bites onto his bottom lip.

"What, all of a sudden you're scared?"

"Fuck off." You fire back, releasing his hardened member from its confines as you stroke him gently. He tilts his head back in pleasure before tugging your shorts and panties to the side, enough for him to cop a feel of how wet you are.

"Baby's all wet."

"What're you gonna do about it?" You whisper against his lips, biting onto his bottom lip and pulling back slightly. He hisses at the sensation before he moves your hand from his cock and takes control. He pushes you upward, positioning you enough to line up with your entrance.

"Take this shit off."

"Yoongi, we're in public."

"So, you're all talk and no play."

"I hate you."

"Nobody's here." He groans. "Just take off your shorts, pleeease." He begs as he slowly strokes himself. You toss aside your shorts, Yoongi immediately hooking his finger at the bottom of your panties and tugging it aside in order to push himself into you. He does enough before he lets you do the rest of the work and sink down on his length, a gasp leaving your throat as you take all of him in. He grips your hips tightly, setting the pace as he groans into your neck, your fingers tangled in his hair resting at the nape of his neck.

"Shit, babe." You moan as you tilt your head back.

"Fuck, you always ride me so well." He presses light kisses against your neck before he's nipping at the surface.

"Godddd why do you feel so good?" You whimper.

"You like how I feel inside of you?" You nod. "Yeah? Like how my cock fills you up?"

"Never gonna get tired of it." You moan, Yoongi making you pick up the pace aggressively. Besides the waves crashing, the lewd noises of skin slapping against skin fills the car, along with your soft moans and Yoongi's groans. Your clit is constantly rubbing against him, causing the pleasure to build so quickly it becomes overwhelming. You try to hold off as much as you can but—

"My pretty baby. All I fucking need." He almost growls, the words enough to send you over the edge. You let out a loud moan, not even caring for the houses nearby as your orgasm hits hard and ripples throughout your body, sending aftershocks. Yoongi continues to have you ride him fast and hard, the overwhelming sensation causing a hint of pain to mix with more pleasure until  you feel him feel you up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He groans as his nails dig into your skin, giving two good thrusts upwards into you to help ride out his high. You both sit in the position for a minute, trying to come back down from your highs. Yoongi gives you a delicate peck on the lips, smiling into the kiss before he pulls away. "Swear you're all I need."

"See, I don't know if I could say the same." He smacks your ass as you hike up and off of him to put on your shorts.

"Take it back."

"I'm kidding." You blush.

"My ride or die. Are you with me?"

"Always have been. Are you?"

"You know I am."

"Good. You know it takes two." He smiles before pulling you into another hug and pressing a kiss against your temple.

[dangermousie]

Heelo mousie! Love your blog! Do you mind recommending some of your favourite Chinese BL novels or shows?

I've seen the untamed and read it. I'm currently reading heaven's official blessing and I saw the donghua. Anything other than these two?

Awww, thank you!

Novels: I am gonna be lazy and literally copy/paste the entire danmei section of my top 10 web novels post (except MXTX’s stuff since you are already reading it.) Let me know if you need help finding any of these.

Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor   antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both  as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men   always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be  friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest  parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is  also finding the middle path between their two very different  philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or  dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and  setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period  setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with  character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our   protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant,   sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s  servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as  we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and  occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named   Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers  and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both  out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely  likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two  take up farming, get involved in  the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

The Wife is First - OK, this one did not make my top 10 web novels but it’s a sweet, fun gay cottagecore fest. Our ML, a royal prince, and his spouse, a smart if delicate aristocrat, keep house, eat noodles, play with their pet tiger, make out and spoil each other rotten, while occasionally fighting battles and outwitting their court enemies. It’s so very mellow. That couple redefines low drama - they are both nice and functional and use their brains. It’s as if a nice jock and a nice nerd got together and then proceeded to be wholesome all over the place.

I mean, the set up could be dramatic - our ML the prince, lost his fight for the throne and is about to be killed. The only person who stayed loyal to him is his arranged husband the aristocrat guy who ML never treated nicely since he resented marrying him (marrying a man in that world is done to remove someone from the ability to inherit the throne.) And yet the husband stood by him not out of love but beliefs in loyalty blah blah. Anyway, he transmigrates back into the past right after their wedding night and is all “I got a second chance OMG! I don’t want the throne what is even the point? I want to live a good long life and treat the only person who stood by me really well!” And he proceeds to do so to the shock of the aristocrat who had a very unpleasant wedding night and generally can tell the man he just married would rather eat nails than be married to him. But soon enough (no seriously, it’s not many chapters at all) he believes the prince is sincere blah blah and then  they get together and they pretty much become cottagecore goals.

In terms of dramas, I only do period dramas (or novels) so I am not the person to be able to recommend any modern BLs. There is a flood of upcoming (hopefully) period BL dramas but it’s relatively thin on the ground now. The two I will recommend is Word of Honor (which is AMAZING) and Winter Begonia (which I just started watching but which owns me already.) I have a tag for both - the one for the former is huge and I cannot recommend either strongly enough. I’ve heard good things about The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, but I am not big on mysteries so haven’t watched it for myself.

In terms of the upcoming BLs, the ones I am most looking forward to are Immortality and Winner Is King, but The Society of the Four Leaves also looks promising.

[recoverymatters]

(tagging with 🌹)Hi... I don't know where to start. Um, I don't really have anyone in my life. My parents are abusive, I don't really have friends. My sibling has a family and kids and is busy and far. I feel really dysphoric all the time and I wish I could be out as a trans guy but I'm afraid I'll get kicked out from my parents' house. I'm 20 and I still feel like a kid. I've been hearing it gets better for so long and I'm just so tired.

(ask continued) I don’t feel suicidal anymore and I haven’t self-harmed in 4 or so years but every time my mother yells at me I get the urge again. I wanna get into fights again. I just feel so useless. Anxious and dysphoric and depressed all the time. Knowing I’ll never make it as an actor because I don’t pass as male. No motivation to do anything. Scared of getting anything less than an A. I’m an honours student but all my works are late now and I get anxiety about it all. I feel like such a damn mess.

Hi lovely, 

Thank you for reaching out to me! 

I am so sorry you don’t have anyone in your life right now that you can trust, rely on or receive support from. Life is hard enough, let alone without anybody by your side. Please know that you are not alone. You have me and a fantastic, accepting community here on Tumblr who all care about you and are all rooting for you. You will never be alone in this universe, we are all on your side. 

It’s very hard when you have a sibling that lives far away and is busy a lot of the time. I wonder if you would be able to arrange a skype call or facetime call with your sibling? It’s not easy, however, even a 10-minute call or text with them can make a world of difference. You never know, it may re-kindle that sibling bond and help you both to maintain that relationship. 

No wonder you’re feeling dysphoric and exhausted all of the time. You live in an environment with people that aren’t accepting of who you are. That is not your fault. I promise, there is nothing wrong with being who you are. You are perfect, irreplaceable and valuable. I am very sorry that you are not able to come out as a trans guy without feeling afraid of being kicked out of your parent’s house. That is a difficult situation to be in and I understand your concerns. Whilst I want you to be able to come out and feel free to be exactly who you are, you need to do what is best for you right now. Which may mean waiting a few years to come out when you are in a safe and secure environment to reduce the risk of being kicked out and having nowhere to live. Your safety is a priority. You say your parents are abusive, if you ever feel that you are at risk, please please please reach out. Reach out to a teacher, colleague, doctor or other trusted person who can direct you to the right support and even help you to find a safe place to live. Again, this is very tough. But, living with abusive parents is not good for your health and wellbeing and I want you to be around people who lift you up, support you and care for you. 

Feeling like a kid is very common, I promise you. I feel this a lot too. This world can be a tough and scary place to live in and the ample responsibility that comes with being an adult can be too hard to bear sometimes. It can be us feel like we’re children in a big, scary adult world. It’s hard to have everything figured out and to know what to do, but honestly, it’s okay. It’s okay not to have everything figured out or in place yet, to not know where you’re going in life. It’s hard, it’s scary, you may still feel like a kid sometimes, but you’ll get there. Step by step.  

I won’t tell you it gets better, but, it gets easier. There are days when you’re gonna think to yourself, yes, I’ve dealt with this before. I CAN cope and I will get through. 

Well done for not self-harming in 4 years. That is truly, truly amazing and I am so proud of you!! ❤️I have just answered a question based on self-harm alternatives. Please check this out and whenever your mother yells please have a look at the alternative and fight the urge to self-harm. You have done amazingly well and I want you to know that whenever you feel low or your mother does yell, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t loved or aren’t appreciated in this world. I appreciate you and I commend you for staying so strong for so long. 

If you start to experience suicidal thoughts again, please go to your local emergency department or A&E. Reach out to a suicide hotline, speak to me, speak to an online counseller such as 7cups. Use the StayAlive app. Please don’t struggle on your own, you deserve to be alive and well. 

I know its hard, but getting back into fights is not going to do you any good. It may be useful for you to express your feelings differently instead of getting into fights. Such as a boxing class, running, swimming, karate, art or dancing. These are a safer alternative to fighting and can help you to release some of the strong emotions you’re feeling. 

Useless you may feel, useless you are not. There are things that you do every day to help yourself, to help others, to help this earth that you may not even realise. You’re an honours student who is working his butt off and trying his best to get through considering all of these circumstances, how amazing is that?

Anxiety, dysphoria and depression are all signs you may be experiencing difficulties with your mental health and it might help to get some therapy, counselling or medication to help you with that. It may not be a cure or help completely, but it might help you to focus better, feel a little more relaxed and it would be great for you to have someone to talk to.

When you’re dealing with these things all of the time it can be hard for you to do daily tasks and make it more difficult for you to concentrate. So, please DO NOT blame yourself for your works being late. You cannot manage so many things all at once and you are not any less of a person because of this. Getting A’s does not define who you are and getting any less does not mean you’re not an incredibly talented and smart student. It means that the exam/education systems put so much pressure on young people these days that they feel getting any less than an A is a failure. It isn’t. Your grades do not define you. Please try and not be so hard on yourself. If you get a B that’s great! If you get a C that’s amazing! If you get a D, E, F, G, that’s fine too! YOU and your health are far more important. 

Your motivation will come back, it won’t always be this hard. Please hold on.

Please do not ever give up on your dreams. YOU CAN MAKE IT AS AN ACTOR. You may not get there on your first try, heck, you may not get there on your 10th. DO NOT GIVE UP. Being a trans male does not mean that you can never make it as an actor. You know why? Because your talent and your skills are not any less than that of a ‘regular actor’. There are people out there who do discriminate and do not understand. Screw them. You keep trying until you find the people who are accepting and are thrilled to have you on board. Becuase they are out there,  and they are just waiting for you to stand up and show who you are and provide the world with your talent, your amazing gift and your light. 

Some transgender actors who are absolutely rocking it right now and showing the world that it doesn’t matter who or what you are, YOU ARE JUST AS TALENTED AS ANYONE ELSE AND DESERVE THE CHANCE AND OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE IT AS AN ACTOR:

1. Daniela Vega

2. Harmony Santana

3. Alexandra Billings

4. Trace Lysette

5. Ian Harvie

6. Brian Michael Smith

7. Laverne Cox

8. Elliot Fletcher 

9. Indya Moore 

10. Mya Taylor 

Please believe in yourself and your dreams. YOU CAN DO IT. I promise you. Never give up on who you are and everything you want to achieve. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that it isn’t possible or you cannot do it. 

You’re going to message me in 10 years and say. I MADE IT. I made it. I faced the judgement, I faced the hardship and I still followed my dreams and I have made it. I am a successful actor who made it through and is now inspiring others to come out and share their story. 

I believe in you.

Here are some links that may help you:

http://www.allabouttrans.org.uk/support-organisations/

https://www.lgbthealth.org.uk/services-support/transition-support/

https://www.transgender.support/

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/our-work/campaigns/come-out-trans-equality

https://www.7cups.com/

You are never alone, keep fighting. You’re brave, your courageous and you’re going to make it. I promise you.

I wish you all the best that the world can offer you. You deserve so much happiness, love and magic. 

All the best 🌟

Thanks 

RecoveryMatters