#i'm so sorry to everyone who sees this post. i had to inflict this on other people

[graciousdragon]

you mishear a song lyric ONCE and your brain never lets you forget it

[illyrianslut]

In His Arms - Azriel x Reader

Summary:

Isla went to Velaris with Rhys after UTM, but quite frequently has nightmares about what was done to her. Azriel is always there to aide when he can.

Warnings: (These will be chapter by chapter) nightmares, mention of past abuse

Word Count: 2.9k

Author's Note: (I totally changed this from an OG character to Y/N) This is part 1/?. This is my first ACOTAR fanfic! I've been writing fanfic for 13 years (fuck im old), so I'm super excited to finally be posting in the ACOTAR fandom<3 Ao3 Link

Masterlist | Ao3

 “Please don’t make me do this.” I beg, glancing between Amarantha and Rhysand. The fear forming in my stomach like a brick. “I’ll do anything else, please My Queen, I beg of you.” Amarantha’s grin only grows wider at my plea. Rhysand’s face is stone cold, hatred burns through me as I realize what’s about to happen.

“Search her, now.” Amarantha hisses at Rhysand. For the briefest of seconds pity seems to cross his face, but it’s gone in a second when I feel him begin digging through my thoughts.

​Memories of the fae I’d been sneaking out fill my mind, their faces and names being run through so quickly I can barely process it myself. Pretend this hurts. A thought that feels my own, but somehow belonging to someone else fills my mind. But I trust the thought, and bring myself to my knees letting out a pained scream.

Part of my acting feels real, the invasion of my privacy and the fear of what Amarantha will do to me once she finds out evokes a very real reaction from me. She is going to kill me.

“Well Rhysand?” She beckons, a bored almost annoyed tone surrounding her question. “Have I found my traitor?” The itch in my mind ceases, and something tells me now it is time to end my performance.

Rhysand watches me for a moment, almost like he is deciding something. But then he shakes his head “No.”

Amarantha’s head snaps from me to him. “What do you mean no?” She hisses “I’ve been informed that she” Another sharp glance in my direction “has been helping other slaves to escape.” I hate that word.

“You’ve been informed wrong, she has no knowledge on the escaped slaves.” Rhysand tells her calmly, his neutral expression still on me. “You should bring the liars in at once to be questioned.” Rhysand sounds bored, almost annoyed that he’d even been brought here. I stand up slowly, looking between Rhysand and Amarantha trying to figure out what was going on. Is he lying for me? Why would he do that?

A hum from Amarantha, I glance up at her on her dais realizing that I may get out of this situation alive. Maybe not unharmed, but at least alive. Thanks to Rhysand, Amarantha’s whore. His gaze snapped to me, a look of annoyance. I just saved your life, do you think it’s wise to be using those words right now? Rhysand’s voice floods my mind and I have to hold back the fear shooting through me, that he had heard me.

“I suppose you’re right. Twenty lashings for the girl so she knows to keep her mouth shut about the escapees. And make sure they leave a mark so everyone knows.” Amarantha sounds proud of herself at the idea.

“No!” I shriek, whipping my head to the Attor who is stalking towrds me, an evil grin spread across his disgusting face. “Please, don’t do this My Queen! I will keep quiet, please!” I beg just as the Attor grabs my arm to hold my in place for my punishment.

My shirt is ripped off by the Attor, and a leather whip appears in his hand. “I’ve been waiting to see you break.” He whispers in my ear.

I shoot up in bed, a scream escaping my lips at the memory of my first real interaction with Rhysand. I can still feel the burn of the twenty strikes inflicted on my back. “It’s over.” I remind myself, wiping the sweat from my forehead.

A hurried knock comes from my door, Azriel surely as we are the only two currently residing in the townhouse. “Sorry Az, I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.” I call, scolding myself for waking him.

“May I come in?” He asks, sounding distressed from the other side of the door.

“Yeah come on in.” My chest is still heaving slightly from the adrenaline, but I know he wont rest until he knows I’m really okay.

He opens the door and I take in his disheveled hair, worried expression and then much to my personal satisfaction, his shirtless body. He may be one of my best friends, but I would be blind to not notice how beautiful this man is. “Hi.” He says gently, looking me over as if assessing for physical injuries.

“Hi.” I smile up at him as he walks closer to my bed.

“May I sit?” He gestures to my bed, and I scoot over leaving a space for him to sit beside me. “Did you have a bad dream?”

I give him a nod and sigh, getting ready to spill my guts. “It was when I first met Rhys.” My voice shakes, despite how hard I’m trying to pull myself together. I think of the twenty raised marks staining my back and feel the tears well in my eyes. “Sorry, I know it’s dumb to cry over it still.” I insist, wiping at the tears just as they begin to spill out.

His expression shifts at my admission. Rhys and I had made a promise to each other when we got out that we wouldn’t talk about what we went through with the others. But there were times when it felt impossible to not talk about those things. “I know you wont tell me, but I am here for you. If you ever need to talk about what you went through. I know Rhysand made you promi-”

“No.” I stop him, it wasn’t Rhys’s idea to promise anything. It had been mine, but he seemed a lot better at keeping his secrets in than I ever had been. “Rhys didn’t make me. It was my idea, Az. It’s just, sometimes I want to word vomit everything I did and went through. But I know it wouldn’t fix anything.” It was the truth, it’s the only thing holding me to that promise with Rhys.

Of course he had shared a lot, probably everything if I’m honest, with Feyre. But that’s different, she’s his mate. Maybe one day if I ever find my mate I would feel different, but cauldron knows how rare a mating bond is.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.” Azriel frowns, “I just meant-” He shakes his head, but when he looks back his eyes land on a scar wrapped around my shoulder. I freeze, and feel a twinge of panic in my stomach, but I focus on his shadow that rises slowly to the scar and caresses it gently. I can’t help but think of the first time he saw my scars, and how angry he had been.

~

The Summer Court had been just as beautiful as Feyre had described, maybe even more so. But I still can’t help the excitement of seeing Azriel for the first time in two weeks. He is by far my closest friend, much to Mor’s annoyance, and two weeks without him was hard.

Knowing that he wont be home at this hour, I decide to bathe and get the sweat from being in perpetual summer off my body. My room is just as I left it, and I can’t help but smile at the lights turning on as I walk in. Home.

I tear my shirt off, tossing it to the ground and heading for the attached bathing room. I’m attempting to pull my pants off when my door swing open, and a stunned Azriel is on the other side. In my shock I don’t know which part of my body to sheild from him, so I threw one arm over my boobs, and turn away from him.

The second I do it I hear the audible gasp from Azriel, and my body goes cold. “Get out!” I yell, tears filling my eyes, knowing Azriel has now seen the worst part of me.

“Who did this to you?” His voice sends a chill down my spine, but I still can’t bring myself to move in my frozen state.

“Azriel. Get. Out!” I hiss, feeling my body begin to shake. I’m going to be sick. I run to the bathing room, in an attempt to get away from his line of sight. Why isn’t he leaving?

“Y/N. Who did that.” I’ve never heard his tone like this, filled with such venom. His shadows enter the bathing room, and my shirt is dropped next to me. Before I can throw it on, the shadows begin roaming over my back as if exploring the raised skin.

The Attor’s wicked grin fogs my memory, and I can hear my pulse in my ears. The whipping sound fills my ears, the smell of the leather surrounds me. Rhys. And my back, I can feel the scars burning like it’s happening all over again.

Arms wrap around me, making me I feel like I’m floating. I look up to see Azriel looking down at me, fear flooding his eyes. “Y/N, talk to me. Can you hear me?” His voice sounds far away, like it’s being covered by the sound of the cracking whip, but I nod anyway.

I can feel the shaking, my whole body is shaking but I can’t stop it. “Y/N what can I do? I’m so sorry.” I’m set down onto something soft, but I instantly miss the warmth his body had been providing. My body feels void of warmth right now, ice cold. It doesn’t help the shaking.

Everything is going to change now.

“I need R-Rhys.” I hear a broken voice say. Was that me?

Hurt flashes through his eyes for the quickest of seconds but the next thing I remember is Rhys and Feyre being there. Azriel is gone. “Y/N. You need to breathe.” I hear a familiar voice instruct. I look around, attempting to figure out who, but they’re both just looking at me expectantly. “Can you hear me?” Is the voice above me?

I look up and realize I am wrapped tightly around Azriel’s waist. I nod, I can hear him. “Breathe. You aren’t breathing.” I pity the sadness haunting his beautiful face, am I causing that?

“What happened exactly?” I hear Feyre’s voice, but she sounds so far away. I turn to look where she had been and she’s still there. Why is everyone so far away?

“I-I didn’t meant to. I didn’t know she was home. I came in and she was-” Azriel pauses when I turn my attention to him. No. He can’t tell her. Nobody can know. “Changing.” He finishes.

“Oh.” Rhys tone changes. I glance at him, pleading silently that he wont make me, make us, relive that moment again. I begin shaking my head quickly, hoping he will understand my plea. “I understand, Az I think I can handle this.”

Azriel’s body stiffens in my arms “I’m not leaving her.” Suddenly the harsh tone from earlier is back, and I feel an arm tighten around my shoulders. Az? I turn my head to look at the hand and see his scarred hand rubbing gently. “Don’t you dare ask me to leave her while she’s like this.” Rhys looks to Feyre, clearly having a silent conversation.

I only focus on Az’s hand, willing the comfort of it to bring me back to the present fully.

“Azriel, will you come with me? I think this may be one of the times Rhys and Y/N need just each other.” Feyre looks at Azriel, pity written all over her face.

Just as Azriel is about to say no, Rhys looks to him with the face of the High Lord of the Night Court. “Azriel. You’ve done enough here, now go.” Just like that, the hand that had been bringing me comfort is gone, and I am being unwrapped from him. Then I watch him walk out of the room with Feyre, looking back at me like I’m broken.

I curl into a ball on the bed, soaking in the warmth from where he had been. I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him here. Buy why? “Was it your back he saw?” Rhys asks, his voice breaking ever so slightly.

~

Two years had passed and we had never spoken of what happened that day again. He still doesn’t know who caused those scars. I’m sure he has made his assumptions, but we both knew I wasn’t ready for that conversation. Assuming I ever would be.

“I just meant that you can talk to me if you ever want to, is all” He finishes his sentence, glancing back at the visible scar.

I reach to the end of the bed and grab the throw blanket there, wrapping it around my back to hide the scars that show with this damn top. The shadow that had been settling over the scar drifted back to him, hovering at his ear for a moment before dropping away.

“Are they giving up all my secrets?” I try to laugh, but truth be told there’s a part of me that is worried they’ll somehow know just from touching it who caused those marks.

“They enjoy you too much to tell me your secrets.” I can feel the truth behind his words, his soft smile is reassuring. “As much as I want to know Y/N you have to know I would never invade your privacy like that.” He almost sounds as though he is begging me to agree with him.

“I know you wouldn’t.” I admit, “I wasn’t so sure about these ones.” I giggle when the shadows reach out, and hover around my hair- their preferred location to situate on me.

I can feel the oncoming panic attack begin to subside in his presence. “Was it a dream of what happened,” He pauses for a moment “Under the Mountain?”

I chance looking him in the eye, his gaze is already fixed on my face and I can’t help but blush at the intensity. “Yes.” I admit, looking away.

“Will you tell me about it?” I know he doesn’t mean to pressure me, that it’s not his intention. But the idea of actually telling someone about what I went through down there? It sends a shiver down my spine.

“I want to, Az. I just can’t.” I finally say after a few heartbeats of silence.

“Will you ever?” The question catches me off guard, he sounded so desperate, almost like he was pleading with me to trust him with the most private part of my life.

“I don’t know, I’ve just always told myself that I wouldn’t talk about it with anyone. I mean maybe if I ever mated someone, but it’s a lot, Az. If I told you, you would never see me the same.” I feel bad avoiding the no I want to say, but I also don’t know if I would mean it. There might come a day that I trust myself enough to open up, but I can’t chance him hating me. Not yet.

“Y/N, mated couples are rare, and you know it. What’s your plan keep it to yourself for the rest of your life?” I play with a tendril of shadow that’s hovering around my fingers. When I look up to meet his gaze again I almost break. I know he wants to help me with what I went through, but I’m just not ready.

“I’m not ready Az, but if I ever am I promise it’ll be you I come to.” The corner of his mouth rises slightly.

“That’s all I can ask for, I suppose. Are you going back to bed?” The question catches me off guard, but I shake my head.

“I can’t ever fall back asleep after I’ve had a nightmare. I’ll probably be up for the day.” I shrug at the inconvenience of it. It’s become a semi regular occurrence, usually a couple times a month.

“It’s hardly past midnight, are you sure? Why don’t you lay down? I’ll stay in here with you.” I cock my head at his suggestion, but it may not be the worst idea. “I’ll sit over there, I lost a bet with Nesta the other day anyway. I have to read one of her books.” He chuckles, nodding his head to the chair in the corner of my room.

“No Az, uh” I only give the thought a moment before it’s out of my lips. “just lay in bed with me. You being here probably will help, but there is no sense in chancing both of us not sleeping tonight.” What did I just say? My eyes widen at the offer I’d just extended. “I mean, if you’re comfortable with that I guess.” I rub the back of my neck.

He gives me my favorite Azriel smile, his goofy grin that meets his eyes. “Deal. Lay down.” He nods behind me.

I take the blanket off my shoulders, avoiding his gaze as I do so, and lay down facing him. “Your turn, Spymaster.” I tease, knowing he hates when I call him that. But he obliges, laying down draping his wings behind him.

Without either of us saying a word, the lamp that had turned on when he entered the room goes out. The moonlight filtering through the window gives me a clear view of him.

I can’t see them, but I feel his shadows hovering over the scarred shoulder that shown with my tank top. “You do know I will ruin whoever did that to you, don’t you?” He whispers, his fingers reach out and gently brush over the scarred skin.

That’s what I’m afraid of.

[megamuscle885-blog]

Severed - Worm Fanfiction Review

CW: Suicide and canon typical gore.

I don't think I've so eagerly anticipated an imaginary and, likely unwritten at the time of this post, scene in fanfiction than @heyitschartic's Severed. I've been following this series since it was posted three years ago. I'll avoid spoilers and the scene I'm imagining in question will be under the cut, but the basic premise is that Jack Slash chooses Skitter as his nominee during the Slaughterhouse 9 arc, rather than Oni Lee, who was disappointing, and Golem, who he later contrived the entire S9k arc for.

I will say that this work is a beautiful plunge into What Ifs which look all the more horrifying if you compare them against canon. You get flashback snippets of the S9 arc retold from a few perspectives before being thrust into post-GM, maybe pre-Ward? era with modern Skitter. I can certainly say that Severed blows all other S9!Taylors out of the water, Taylor is authentic in ways I haven't seen with anyone else. 10/10, each chapter is at it's absolute peak and it has 11 chapters as of this post. Each gut-punch has me anticipating the next chapter, only for the next chapter to explain why Taylor's friends and enemies hate her so much. I gasped when Tattletale said that to her. I strongly recommend Severed to anyone and everyone who hasn't already read it yet. Here's the link:

Oh wait does this count as the first of my Worm fanfic reviews--

So, I've read chapter 11 and I've been having Taylor and her clone rotating in my head endlessly, but the scene I'm anticipating is the one hinted at in Chapter where Defiant wants Taylor to go under the knife with Bonesaw again so Riley can fix all of Taylor's everything that is physically wrong with her, because her body is practically bio-tinkertech, even after they ripped almost everything else out.

I can only imagine Taylor reiterating that she refuses to be put under for the procedure, and using every moment to vent her anger and frustration on a Riley that is likely seeing marked improvement in her therapy (maybe). But Taylor keeps hitting her with blow after blow. "They'll never let you work on anyone else ever again, so you had better not kill me." and "Nobody will ever let you willingly touch them, I'm the only one who you can use your tinker abilities on, and that can change if I don't need you anymore." "If you ever find someone you can trick into letting you touch them, hold them, or even work on them, I'll kill them. It'd be better than the fate worse than death that letting you touch someone inflicts, and I should know, I'm living through it."

Maybe Chartic has something else planned, but I would like to see this Bonesaw cry. An unshakable, unmoved Taylor just heaps on the abuse through her own tears of pain, holding Riley hostage even as she roots through her guts to put her back together. It's very Taylor to fight through pain to force people to help her. The last time they saw each-other, Riley was doing well. I don't think she'll be doing very well after they meet again.

Maybe an overseeing team of surgeons and Capes become increasingly uncomfortable as Riley is tormented. They find themselves defending Bonesaw of all people, from one of her former victims too.

I'm sorry if this is unsolicited Chartic, but I can't wait to see their reunion, whatever form it takes. Severed's way of making Taylor suffer the consequences of her own actions, while invoking sympathy simultaneously with disgust at Taylor's betrayals; the depths she's sunken to, and then to finally wrap it up with shame and admonishment of her friends, turned victims, is masterful. How dare either they or I judge her for what she had to do to survive. Each chapter reveals that it got worse and worse. At some point, I suspect that (one of) the reasons that Taylor is being given such little leeway by the rest of the cast and remains constantly under the threat of harsh re-imprisonment or execution by vengeful kill-teams is because she somehow became the worst member of the Slaughterhouse Nine or even surpassed them in notoriety.

Tattletale telling Skitter to kill herself was such an insane scene that I stood up and covered my mouth. I was in disbelief. But knowing now that Skitter had betrayed the Undersiders to a slaughter by Mannequin (after having sacrificed her own father and, essentially, her own pre-cape life and innocence with him. The Taylor that she did not want to be, embracing the Skitter she chose to become) and then at some point caused the remainder of the Livsey family to kill themselves the same way Reggie did, with gunshot wounds, really clarifies that Taylor did something unforgivable. She exploited her friendship with Lisa to injure her in a way that can never be repaired. Lisa in canon never really had much to do with her parents ever again, but she probably didn't want them dead for neglecting Reggie.

I may edit this later, or reblog it, as new thoughts on the work come to me.

[lampochkaart]

1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 18, 19 and 20 for Kokichi for the character ask??? (Sorry if that's too many haha)

Woah, so many! Okay, okay, I don't mind👀

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I love him so much!! I really love how complex he is, how incredible charismatic and fun he is, how fucking smart he is... And I also love how flawed and biased he is. And how cynical and stubborn he is.

I absolutely LOVE the characters that are right and wrong at the same time. Kokichi often says something that is technically right, but at the same time his judgement is very flawed so it's impossible to completely agree with him. Or he's trying to do something good but the way he's doing it is... not great. Or has a good intentions but is being a complete asshole about it.

Like, for example, the situation with Maki. Yes, it's a good thing that he warned everyone about an assassin since they're in a killing game. But also he was trying to separate her from the group and kept needling her even when she wasn't showing any agression to others (and also she had plenty oportunities to kill, but made no move to do it). Only willing to see her as a threat.

And, of course, he's also a very tragic character. What's even worse is that most of it is self inflicted. He isolates, he turns people against himself, he cuts off every possible friendly connection he had. He spends so much time investigating, coming up with plans. And dies in a horrible painful way for the sake of a plan. The plan that didn't work. And he lied to such an extent that people doubted even the sincerity of his last words. Absolutely soul crushing (and body crushing SORRY)

10/10 angst, my heart is in pieces💔

He's both funny and entertaining and also very tragic and I love him for it

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Hmm... Hard to only choose one

Probably his insane acting abilities. How much he's able to control his emotions, how fast can he switch from one to another. How he's able to keep his face no matter how he feels

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Difficult question, because I really like him. Even (especially) with his flaws

Uhhh... His bad CGs maybe? It's more of a problem with V3 in general (although some CGs from other games also have problems). But I'm just thinking about those ones from after trial 4 and they... look very weird. It might be becuase V3's production was rushed, but still

Other that that it's what I'm talking about in 19th question

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I'm gonna answer these two questions in a different ask since it would probably be pretty long answer and this post is already long enough

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Oh, I'll take this as an invitation to ramble about Kokichi and Kaito!! >:]

I think Kaito and Kokichi's relationship is probably the most interesting in the game. They are polar opposites. They are two sides of the same coin. The are narrative foils.

It's so facinating to see their opposite ideologies clash. Kaito is an idealistic optimist, who wants to play the role of a hero, who values emotions over logic, who's willing to believe at someone simply because he wants to. Kokichi is a cynical pessimist, who likes playing the villain, who values logic over emotion, and who would rather lie, than let people get close to him.

Because of that they constantly get into arguements. And they're totally baffled by each other. Before they never met anyone like that, probably haven't even considered people like this real. How could someone be so cynical and distrusting? How could someone be so naive and trusting? They just can't understand each other's point of view because it's so different from their own. And that's just so fun to watch

But at the same time... They are very similar. Both of them are liars. Both of them are upholding an image, presenting themselves stronger than they are. Both are social, like to be around people. Both like to have fun. Both like to tell crazy stories. Both sometimes act "immature".

And also I like this little fact that a lot of Kaito's loved items are Kokichi's liked items and a lot of Kokichi's loved items are Kaito's liked items. So they even have a lot of shared interests!

It's very entertaining to watch them get into conflicts with each other. And it's because of all their antagonism throughout the game, that it's so cool to see them work together in Ch.5.

They're forced in a fucked up hopeless situation and they do their best to make the most use of it. They have a common goal: to end the killing game. So they put aside their differences and work together. They see each other in their most vulnerable moments. They hate it, but there's no way to avoid it. They put their trust in eachother. They switch roles. But at the same time the roles don't change. Kaito becomes a liar (but he was always one). Kokichi becomes a martyr (but he was always going to do that).

I love 5th case because it's not a murder out of malice, not a murder to get our and not an accident. It's an act of trust. They both put trust in each other. Even though they were pretty much enemies for a good part of the game! They both know they're dying. They both know that there's a high risk of the plan failing. But they still choose to do it. For a small chance of success. For a small chance of a happy ending. Not for themselves, but for their friends.

In my opinion Kaito and Kokichi have one of the most interesting relationships in DR. And I firmly believe that to understand one of them, you have to understand the other. Only then it's possible to see the full picture.

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

Kokichi's relationship with Kiibo. He's just constantly picking on him for no reason. The bit quickly becomes too repetetive and just unnecessary mean. Also to me it feels that a lot of things Kokichi does should have some kind of meaning behind them (sometimes even several layers of meaning). So I would've kinda expected that since Kokichi's doing this so persistently, he's trying to do something. Like maybe he's somehow trying to push Kiibo to accept his unique abilities and powers. And while that maaaybe kinda can be interpreted like Kokichi is doing it in the most weird awkward way possible. But still, it's a pretty big stretch. Without any actual payoff it's just Kokichi being mean to Kiibo and that's it. Just bullying the poor robot who wants to be treated normally

They could be friends if Kokichi was nicer to Kiibo. And I would really like them to be friends...

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

GONTA!!!

Kokichi's friendship with Gonta is so so important to me!!

I don't know, I just think it would be so nice if Kokichi would hang out with Gonta and listen to him talk about bugs even though he hates bugs. And if Gonta would participate in Kokichi's pranks. I just like to think they would have fun together. They could've been such an cool duo if they weren't in a shitty stressful situation.

I like Kokichi being friends with Miu and potentially with Rantaro and with Kaito, but Kokichi's friendship with Gonta holds a special place in my heart<3

Thank you for the ask!!<333

[ask-the-no-killing-game-au]

Can I get a recap of what happened in this AU so far? I'm really confused because it seems like *alot* has happened

No art with this one, sorry - I'll be updating this regularly & a link to the post will be in my pinned post so it can be referenced at any time for anyone new to the blog. I recommend reading even if you've followed the story to ensure you have everything clear.

TW - death (both murder and self inflicted).

Near the start of the blog, Veronika tried to stop herself from living. Arturo walked in on this, recognised that she was in extreme pain, and decided to finish the job for her, killing her just as she woke up.

Arturo didn't realise until after this that both Xander and Nico had witnessed the murder as Veronika's door was open. He forced the two of them to keep quiet about it by threatening to kill them if they told anyone.

Eventually, with the fact that dead bodies' conditions get worse & harder to hide overtime, Arturo forced Nico to help dispose of the body while Xander had to stay inside Veronika's room.

In the building where they're staying, there aren't many places to hide a body, if you consider factors such as blood and the smell. Arturo was also in an extremely bad state mentally, so with him not thinking straight, he hosted a dinner that the whole cast (minus Ace, Arei, and David) attended. However, for the food.. instead of serving the food from the kitchen, he instead made the desicion to cook the dead body.

The rest of the cast, totally unaware of what they were eating, all finished the meal together and split up. This wasn't it, though, as Teruko, Levi, and Ace all searched the kitchen, just to find evidence of what happened. They informed the others, which obviously terrified Nico.

Nico, now convinced Arturo would think they told everyone & murder them, spoke to David, who is also dealing with very bad mental health to the point where he can barely move, and convinced him to dress as them, thinking that if Arturo did try to kill them, David would act as a distraction.

What they didn't take into account was that Xander, the other witness of Arturo's murder, also wasn't dealing with the situation well - but instead of hiding and being scared of death, he became the opposite, obsessive over people "getting what they deserve" and serving "punishment" to anyone that did anything "wrong". And because he wasn't aware it was actually Arturo who cooked the food, but he also didn't want to kill Arturo for the murder incase he fought back.. he instead set out to kill Nico.

Xander found Nico in the bathroom and stabbed them from behind, unable to see their face. It was only when they fell to the floor that he recognised their pale yellow eyes as not Nico's but David's, & ran away panicking upon realising he was now just as much of a murderer as Nico, if not more so as Nico was forced to do the cooking. Hu entered the bathroom with Arei and Eden just to find "Nico" dying (not fully dead) on the floor.

... That's where I'm up to right now. Story post later, hopefully. Thank you all for supporting this AU so far <3

Xander panicked when he couldn't stop everyone else from seeing the body, but instead of being sad, it just revealed his true mindset - that he believed David's death was "supposed to happen", and he became fed up of the attention David got for, well.. dying.

To "fix" this, he decided to put the attention on himself by stabbing himself multiple times, in his chest, stomach, and eye. Unfortunately, because he killed David, nobody cared and left him to bleed out in the cafeteria.. except Arei, who swiftly returned, as the situation had also begun to make Eden a worse person, so she felt that she needed friends.

Arei and Xander thought of a way to get attention - that being a motive. Arei was able to get hold of secrets about every single student, and put them through other peoples' doors.

Meanwhile.. Arturo was getting worse, starting to believe things that weren't true, eventually stopping all his memory of being Arturo and fully convincing himself that he's Veronika.

[serasarascreams]

Might as well add more thoughts into the mix. I was going to do it in the tags of the last post but it felt long enough. The last set of tags was a perspective I don't think I've seen yet, but then again I haven't been here too long. I think they're right in idea that the theme of responsibility doesn't just extend to Curly and Jimmy and that the game itself is a showcase of how all the little things add up and create the bigger issues alongside the certain major steps that were taken. They (aka @son-of-crows-and-rats) put it in much better terms than I did.

I was so focused on the main plot of the game a lot of other things went over my head, and while some things hit me later I'm sure there are more things like the person (and multiple others) pointed out that I'll catch here or again have it hit me later. Fuck Jimmy is the initial reaction I had at the end of the game, screaming disappointment in Curly came next, and the bleakness and awfulness of the events continue to seep through whenever I think about it.

I'm also very much on board with the statement that Curly did not deserve what happened to him and it's kinda messed up to say. Him getting deep fried, for lack of a better term, is another major consequence of him and Jimmy's actions (or inaction in Curly's case) while Anya is another. It's just a consequence that effects him directly now and I think that's a parallel to the way Anya was directly affected by Curly and Jimmy's actions. Neither Anya or Curly deserved the pain inflicted upon them, deserved to be forced to continue to live with it and all the suffering that followed, or deserved to have their autonomy ripped away from them.

Curly is not a trash human being, but I don't think I can call him a good man either. Good natured maybe, but not the best guy. The painful irony of his situation hits harder after the final conversation with Anya. His eye is always open, it's too painful to move, he can't speak. He can only watch and listen. There's no way for him to take responsibility anymore even if he desperately wants to. I think what's worse for him is that he got to live after seeing the monster beneath the skin of his friend destroy everyone and everything around him. I saw someone else say that when he froze the day of the crash it was a moment of "you were everything I feared you were" and I think that just adds an extra layer of awful to it. Curly could have been better, and if he gets rescued and lives, I like to think he will be. But I wonder if in the back of his mind it'll always eat at him that it wasn't when it mattered.

Sorry, that this partially ended up turning into a Curly post. It's just that he seems to be talked about the most. That's fair. He, Anya, and Jimmy are the ones who push the initial topic of discussion to the surface because it's there front an center.

I'll probably have more to say the more realizations dawn and the more I scroll through the tag. This is the first game in a long time that made me cry and the only horror game to really mess me up. Funny enough, it's because Curly scares me more than Jimmy.

I love this game and all the infuriating and saddening elements within and around it. I love and hate how human all these characters are. If Wrong Organ ever makes another game in the future, I'll be running to check it out.

[felicjana050896]

Okay, I saw more leaks today, I won't delete or correct my other two posts, even if they are wrong somewhere, but I leave links to them for comparison: 1 post:

2nd post:

If you don't want spoilers, don't look below, everyone can decide for themselves whether they prefer surprises or fuel their curiosity.

Of course, I will focus mainly on Alastor, so first of all, the leak with Alastor and Rosie's song was signed by someone who posted it, as it is episode 4 and many people write that almost the entire season 2 was spoilered with these leaks, and I'm like, ,,how?"…, after thinking soberly, it doesn't seem to make sense, first of all, movies and TV series are recorded in such a way that different scenes are shot not chronologically, but so that it is more convenient for crew and actors to go somewhere, if a scene from episode 1 takes place in a certain place and a scene from episode 6 takes place in the same place, they are unlikely to go there again, after filming 4 episodes, just to shoot a scene for 6th episode, they just shoot a scene in a given place right away, until episode 1 and episode 6, so they don't come back there later, it saves time and money, but… here we have a cartoon, the actors only go where studios to record their voices, they don't need to go anywhere special, everything is in place, so you can shoot the entire season chronologically, and why am I writing about it… because I saw the moments before Alastor and Rosie's song and it doesn't seem to make sense, that it would only be in episode 4… to put it:

First, in the leak we have the Charlie and Vaggie scene, where Charlie wants to go on TV again after winning against the angels (so right after the victory, maybe two or three days have passed, but definitely not 3 episodes of the series…, this is clearly the beginning), Vaggie tries to dissuade her as usual, that it's a bad idea, Charlie doesn't listen to her, she says that she's going with Niffty (which is beautiful, in the pilot she went with Vaggie to the TV as her support, but this time she leaves Vaggie and goes with Niffty, with Niffty!!!) and before Vaggie can even protest, Charlie literally runs away with Niffty under his arm, and Vaggie just sighs heavily (for me these are level hard communication problems, nothing has changed in their relationship, there is still the same lack specific and honest conversation).

Then we see Alastor in front of the mirror, with a wound inflicted by Adam, he is obviously not happy and drinks alcohol (maybe to numb the pain?), then he goes downstairs, where Angel and Lucifer are, Lucifer is joking about Alastor, he asks him again who he is, Alastor replies that he is the host of the hotel, and Lucifer tells him that the Charlie's girlfriend is the host of the hotel (interesting that he doesn't say Vaggie, but the Charlie's girlfriend, again it gives me vibes, as if that's all Vaggie is, there is no Vaggie, there is just "Charlie's girlfriend"), Alastor sighs, he is clearly annoyed, Lucifer then tells him that Alastor ran away when Charlie needed him the most, then Alastor has had enough, says that he is quit and leaves the hotel.

Then we have a scene with Charlie on TV, we know that things are not good, the scene cuts off when Charlie knows that things are hopeless when it comes to the opinion of her and her hotel.

Then we see Alastor walking with a gift and picking flowers along the way (roses I think) and he goes to Rosie humming to himself, he says he comes with great news and the news is that he left the hotel, Rosie is in unpleasant shock, obviously surprised and asks ,,you what?", Alastor tells her that he was in this hotel for a year and apart from senseless singing and crying, he sees no reason for him to stay there any longer, he tells her that they didn't get any closer to… well, to what…, because at this point Rosie interrupts him, Rosie and Alastor have some plan, or rather Rosie has some plan and she was the one who forced Alastor to help Charlie at the hotel, but he doesn't see the point in it anymore…, he managed to make a deal with Charlie, gain her trust and he sees no point in staying there any longer…, I don't understand it a bit, my only explanation for it is pure psychology, Alastor got scared…, he was scared that he lost to Adam, that he got hurt and he's also fed up with Lucifer getting on his nerves and telling him he's useless, Alastor is fed up with feeling humiliated, he hates it and that's my only explanation for his ,,leaving" from the hotel, pure cowardice…, when Rosie interrupts him (by the way, she calls him pumpkin…, PUMPKIN…, I couldn't ignore it…, it's so sweet :) ) and tells him that whether he leaves the hotel is not up to him (it's up to her), Alastor agrees with her and tells her that he thought that a deal with her would make him the strongest sinner in hell (again Alastor clearly feels insecure…), and instead he is left with scars and a broken microphone (which he repaired, but is now crooked where it was broken), and Rosie replies to him that how could he ever think that he could handle the Archangel and tells him that he is still the same when they met and this is where the story about Alastor's past comes in, that Alastor was a young, handsome, charming and gentlemanly man (in one word, an ideal at first glance :D ), tells him what a great life he led, full of success (we know…), but that he was also evil (we see Mimmzy on the piano while Alastor plays), someone poured wine on him and later he killed him (previously Viv said that Alastor was like Dexter, that he only killed those who really deserved it, but now after seeing these leaks, I think she changed her mind and really made him a serial killer, murdering maybe not random people [yet], but definitely murdering people for the smallest mistake they make, like spilling wine on him by mistake…, maybe the guy didn't apologize and started laughing, but that's no reason to kill him…), Rosie tells him that she was impressed with how well he was always prepared, we also see a house in the forest, obviously specifically for murders, because I doubt he lived in such a house permanently, although maybe I'm wrong… and I've read too many fanfics where he hides in the forest :D , then we see him drawing a mark on the floor with human blood and licking the blood from his fingers (earlier, Alastor was said to have become a cannibal after death, but now, although we may not see him eating human flesh [yet], but we do see him licking human blood…, which makes me start to doubt that Alastor became a cannibal after death, or whether tasting human blood is also cannibalism(?), because in my opinion, yes, Viv decided to make Alastor much dirtier than she previously wrote…, but that doesn't really bother me, I'm at best surprised, but on the other hand I'm also intrigued as to where she'll go with him like this…), Alastor summons Rosie (by the way, doesn't he say something in French…, I don't know French but I think so and by the way Amir sounds great in French ;) ) and makes a deal with her that he will be one of the most powerful demons in hell, and in return he will fulfill a task for Rosie and until he does it, his soul will belong to her (maybe this task is related to Charlie and the hotel…

2nd part:

[galvanizedfriend]

I'm having a writer-feels-like-crap moment and just needed to put this out there somehow. It's personal and it doesn't make sense, it's just a head fart. If I had a comment for each message I receive about updates I might actually write more. 🥲

I have no problem being asked about updates. I know some folks don't like that type of ask, and I totally respect that, but it's never been the case with me, I appreciate the interest. Please don't think that this is a rant against people who ask for updates, because it's not. There's nothing wrong with that, at least not for me. However.

I get so many asks about updates. Some anonymous, some not. Some I reply to, some I don't. And that's all fine, it's (mostly) good-natured, there's no harm in it. But I have to wonder where do people go after I post the updates? How come I only get comments/messages about the next update, but never a comment about how they read and if they enjoyed the chapter? How is it that people think it's really helpful to only ever ask for updates but not to leave a tiny simple comment to let the person writing know they've read the actual update when it comes into being?

This is about exchange, right? If you want writers to feed you, then you should feed the writers back. If the writing sucks, if it's not worth anybody's time to read and comment, then that's fine, you don't have to comment on things you hate, in fact you SHOULDN'T. But if you do like it and you still won't comment, that's how it translates to me. I just think everyone hated it. Because I get so many asks about updates, and then when I do post updates, people either don't read, or read and then never say anything about it. To me, that says they hated it, and the sense of excitement I had upon posting dies almost instantly.

I've written three different things this month to see if any of them would stick and make me want to write some more, and even though I had some really nice, really sweet responses to some of those that I cherish so much and have gone back to read again, nothing worked. That's not to say that I won't write anymore, but it's been really hard to push through my writer's block. Every time I sit down to write, I gravitate towards the things that I'm writing for myself and that are probably never going to see the light of day, because those are the ones that I don't care about the feedback, it's just for me. But then I keep getting the asks about updates on my WIPs and I honestly don't even know if the people asking for updates have read the latest chapter. Did you enjoy it? Was it good? Is there anything you're looking forward to? I don't know.

I haven't replied to a couple yet because I don't know what to say anymore. Sorry, no updates, I feel like the worst piece of shit writer there's ever existed and don't really feel like inflicting that upon the world anymore? Cause that's really where I'm at.

I've seen countless posts going around about how commenting/rebloging has been slowly dying because the newer generations have a thing where they think it's weird to comment/reblog days/weeks after stuff has been posted. Some lingering effects of tiktok and instagram culture and people thinking that it's somehow stalkerish or something. I promise you, it is not. You can leave comments on stories posted 20 years ago on livejournal. You can reblog posts from 2014. There's nothing wrong with that. There is NOTHING better for a writer to have someone suddenly going through their entire catalogue of fics and commenting on all of them, or reading through a long story and leaving their impressions as they go, even if it's a single line of comment to say 'hey, just found this, it's great'.

I have in the past left comments on stories that had been on hiatus for YEARS, with no expectations whatsoever, and suddenly the stories came back to life because my comments somehow made a difference. I have never been happier, both because I got to see something I loved being finished and because I may have given someone the tiny little push they needed in order to get back on their writing horse. There are days when I wish for nothing more than that, but I'm an old fandom person whose old fandom friends have almost all left fandom and I'm just here typing to myself, talking to myself and getting very little feedback. (Positive feedback, mind you. The people who hate my things are not shy about letting me know their feelings.)

I don't even know anymore. I've just been feeling very discouraged overall and I honestly don't know what else to do. Maybe this is an end of the year type of blues or whatever, but it is what it is. Updates will come when they come, I guess.

But anyway, to readers out there, doesn't matter if you read my fics or not: if there's anything you enjoy out there, any fics you're following, any stories you'd like some writer to see through to the end, or any writer you wish would post more of their stuff, just remember that the only way they'll ever know there's people out there expecting to see more from them is if you tell them, and the best way to do that is to comment on their stories. It fills writers with anticipation and confidence. Trust me, it works like magic.

[2a8n]

Shirogane's dream - Monologues

As I promised, we will be covering monologues in the Shirogane's dream and some of his changes in the Ice Scream Remake in a separate post. Here will be purely my reflections, as always. However, I would also like to see your thoughts on this theme. And now let's get started!

Wowww, you're so weak. "Wow, you are so disgusting." Well, did he start behaving less disgustingly from this? ( - _ - ) Crying from a mere orca punch? Gross. Has our hot-tempered penguin ever found Shirogane crying? And what's more, did Shiro tell him why he was crying? Could this be the reason why our depressed wolf is now hiding from everyone to cry, and can not really tell anyone about his experiences? Just be quiet. Hmm… Shirogane said something to our polar bear, but in response she just shut him up? It's curious. Usually Rocma starts a dialogue with Shiro, who in turn either remains silent or answers her with monosyllabic sentences like "I'm sorry", "I'm sorry… (next comes the answer to the question she asked)", etc. I can remember a moment from manga, when our wolf was indignant at what she said instead of "Thank you", but she only ignored him and continued to talk about her own. Hey, Shirogane! You're looking stupid as always! Shirogane seems to have an over-hyper fixation on his appearance, since Suno-san refers to it more than once when verbally insulting a wolf. It is likely that this is due to the scars that were once inflicted on Shiro's body and on his face. These scars apparently bother him so much that he doesn't want anyone to see and/or mention them at all (he even hid the scar on his face from Yukisada, his friend, at one of DSP's official works).

….. ….. It reminded me of the moment in Ice Scream Round 3 where Yukisada had to remain silent for most of Rocma's scolding with roughly the same facial expression. ♪ Looks like someone was in a good mood. Too bad Shirogane can't boast the same… =( Hi, doggy! ♪ I'll give you a nice punch in the face. Even railroads could envy his directness. Really nothing to add. You really are pathetic, huh… Peraco seemed to hope that he wasn't pathetic (by the standards of the inhabitants of Iceberg Isle, I guess), but Shiro couldn't live up to her expectations. You're lower than a seal, you moron. If "seal" means Mafuyu, it's rather strange that you don't call her by her name, Rock.

H-Hey, don't say such mean things, everybody! Yukisada is the only one who tries to stand up for Shirogane. Our kindhearted owl is even ready to go against the majority opinion for him. I respect. I'll give you something to cry about. If you finally get off this isle, then believe me, everyone will cry. From happiness. =) I'm just speechless. When someone is speechless, they usually don't say anything, so don't lie to us, Rocma. ? We are often shown Mafuyu from a fragments of Shirogane's memories. I don't understand, why he pays quite a lot of attention to her, despite the fact that the seal girl herself, based on what is shown, doesn't do a lot of things. You're like a water flea about to die! Have you… seen a dying water flea somewhere? In the North? Or is it usually on TV at the Peraco's house?

Weakling! Worm! Wood louse! And now I'm even more inclined to think that they learned about the water flea, the worm, the wood louse, the caterpillar and the bees from the TV in the Peraco's house… Hey! Shirogane's crying! Stop it! Shiro upset that Yukisada has to stand up for him? Does he feel guilty that his friend has to do this, or is Shirogane ashamed that he can't take care of himself? Ahahahaha! You big baby! Look at the big baby! Here, Suno-san is trying to play on the shame of our pessimistic wolf. But, judging by the words of the snowman, there must be someone else (maybe Yukisada?) in order for the effect to be more tangible from what he said to him. You're dead, kiddo. Heh, it's funny that Rock in Ice Scream Original addressed our wolf not as "Shi*ogane", but as "kiddo". It's kind of a sad that DSP decided to remove it. ….. ….. Now I believe that you have speechless, Rocma. True. ( 0 v 0 )

The part of the post dedicated to my reflections on the monologues from Shirogane's dream is over. Next will be my thoughts about the remade version of the same monologues from the Ice Scream Remake. I will not draw any definite conclusions, since this is purely reasoning on what has been said, some of which doesn't carry a large semantic load in the context of the Ice Scream itself as a whole. And now - to the finish line!

Silence yourself. | Just be quiet. The sentence has been changed, but the meaning is the same. Here, rather, the difference will be in which of the options we have for what Rocma said, rudeness and harshness towards Shirogane will be more noticeable. ♪ | ♪ You won't see anything new here. You can safely skip. Crying just because a big bad orca hit you? Gross. | Crying from a mere orca punch? Gross. "Big bad orca" -> "Big bad wolf"; that's funny. I think in the "big bad orca" version, Rock's derogatory attitude towards the Shirogane's situation is much seen stronger than in the other case. You are seriously pathetic. | You really are pathetic, huh… Here, Peraco's disappointment towards Shiro is no longer noticeable due to the unfulfillment of her hopes in his person. Now she just thinks he's pathetic. Heya, Shirogane! Your face is looking as stupid as ever! | Hey, Shirogane! You're looking stupid as always! Now Suno-san puts more emphasis in insults not so much towards the whole appearance of our pessimistic wolf, but towards his face. Hmm… Woaaah, eww. You're really weak. | Wowww, you're so weak. In the Original Idate showed feigned surprise at the wolf's weakness. In the Remake, he pretends that Shirogane's weakness is comparable to stepping on a poop, I guess.

Hey, everyone, don't say such mean things to him! | H-Hey, don't say such mean things, everybody! Yukisada is still the voice of adequacy in this madhouse, but, for some reason, the moment with his silence was cut in the Remake (I marked in purple what wasn't in the Remake). You're even worse than a seal, you absolute fool. | You're lower than a seal, you moron. Rock began to place more emphasis on insults towards Shiro. Considering that it is written in his bio that he takes out his disappointment on the poor guy, it becomes clear what DSP is trying to focus on. You wussy! Worm! Weevil! | Weakling! Worm! Wood louse! Nothing new has appeared. It's just that now we know that you can also see weevils on TV in the Peraco's house. You're like a water flea 3 second from its death. | You're like a water flea about to die! Given that both the in-game bio and his chart explicitly state that he has depression, I don't even know if Suno-san is trying to emphasize that Shiro is more dead than alive, or he looks like he's about to die… ( 0 _ 0 ) C'mhere, you worthles mutt. Let me give you a good punch. | Hi, doggy! ♪ I'll give you a nice punch in the face. Wolf, loser dog, pathetic puppy, doggy, worthles mutt… What's next? Mongrel? Squeak toy…?

Hey! Don't you feel bad for Shirogane? Stop it! | Hey! Shirogane's crying! Stop it! Yukisada, in my opinion, the normal attitude of others towards your friend should come not from their desire to feel sorry for him, but from their desire not to do bad things towards him… Ahahahaha! Crybaby! You snot-nosed wimp! | Ahahahaha! You big baby! Look at the big baby! In both cases, as for me, the phrases sound provocative. It's hard to explain without the context of what Suno-san has basically been saying all this time in the game. ? | ? You won't see anything new here. You can safely skip. How about I make you cry again? | I'll give you something to cry about. You won't see anything new here. You can also safely skip. I am so done with you. I have nothing left to say. | I'm just speechless. Now her phrase in the Remake sounds more like "preachy", and makes sense: in Watch 1, we were even shown how Rocma tried to Shirogane verbally "guide on the right path" while he was bleeding.

I'll kill you. | You're dead, kiddo. Bye-bye, kiddo… ( v _ v )

[curseofpower]

As a Side Note to my TotK post

I do not like the idea of Ganondorf being possessed by a demon and that's why he's ~evil~, in general. Let me explain.

I just took the hints ToTK gave which were so blatant that even I, someone who has never played skyward sword, could see what they were doing... and I ran with it. Because I didn't like the literal nothing they gave us other than beating us over the head with how hated Ganondorf was by everyone and everything since the beginning of time despite being called a hero and being faithfully followed by the Gerudo for well over 30 years. Maybe even 40. Maybe more! The way some scenes were worded were literally sickening, the way the lore was written about the Gerudo was also sickening. In this game they felt like a beaten down people with no history to call their own and that is intolerable to me. Of course they couldn't hear the ~gods~. They had their own god! Though I guess that was taken from them, too. So I thought... there had to be a better reason. And the devs said "go nuts" when we asked about timelines and other canon, never giving solid answers. So... I did. I went fucking nuts.

In the OoT, TP, and WW timeline I do not believe he was possessed. I believe he was a very emotionally wounded individual lashing out at the world due to the suffering he was forced to witness his people go through at the hands of Hyrule. I believe he believed, like every other Gerudo, that sovereignty and independence were paramount. It came with the territory, same as needing to defend yourself and keep yourself alive first and foremost. Though it seemed he did try to help them, even if it meant simply keeping them out of the war he was waging until it was through. (Breaking the bridge to their fortress was likely a tactical move during a skirmish. Of which there were no doubt many after he took over. Why do you think he also decided he needed his castle to be floating with no easy access points? Castle town was likely also destroyed during a battle.)

In no timeline mentioned above can you convince me he didn't care about his people... I'm sorry. I think he cared about as much as he was able to. Right up until the end.

In ToTK, he believed they betrayed him. You cannot feel betrayed without first caring about someone.

In the other timelines, his whole goal was to find a better land. A better world, even. Because he hated watching his people suffer and die. Though he only ever admits that last bit in WW due to it being a show of weakness to even say it. To say you care in any capacity is to show weakness.

All the violence, inflicted horrors, and tactical warfare was all him, and it shows, because it was intelligent and he's a damn smart guy. The only time he isn't is when he snaps, and that's typically what always leads to his downfall.

The non-possessed Ganondorf is the one who is truly, deeply interesting to me. And that's sort of why I'm obsessed with writing OoT Ganon right now.

Anyways that's it. Disclaimer finished.

[elizabeth-mitchells]

I'm soo sorry but if I had to see this so does everyone and you're the first person I thought of (found this on twitter btw)

WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CRIME AGAINST WOMEN

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO HER?! ISN'T TRAVIS BAD ENOUGH?! HASN'T NANCY WHEELER SUFFERED ENOUGH?!?!

just because nancy has restrained herself from shooting him all this time doesn't mean natalie wouldn't, okay?

unfortunately, i'm posting this so we can inflict this trauma on all my followers. thank you for sharing this, i feel so offended <333

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

also YES to ur post about cheating but is it just me or are u tired of the uwu-fication or protection of queen from actual criticism regarding their own personal actions.

like obvs you were doing more general posting but it just reminds me how weird i seen people do literal gymnastics to either downplay something theyve done or completely blame their (ex)partner. i just seen a weird amount of people try and make queen to be so perfect and that they were just hurt by their SOs because they just can't :'((( ITS WILD.

i seen it happen the most with freddie. obvs ppl like bill reid were shitheads but then i see people blame like david minns for him and freddie's relationship to be like that when really if anybody read his book you can realize it was just an unhealthy relationship for both of them and they ended up reconciling and were better off as friends. and with the book you can read that freddie himself could be nasty and would cheat along with extending that to his relationship with joe. but its weird to see posts that doesnt mention david but very much imply its him but the poster will be like "oh blah blah blah it was just an old nasty boyfriend" and its like yall cover your ears and wanna hear what you want to hear. surprise! ur fav can be problematic and its ok to realize that.

I'm going to agree and disagree with you because David was an actual abuser who admitted to getting violent with Freddie first. Choosing to throw the first blow forever changes that relationship dynamic, the victim never sees the other person the same way or feels totally comfortable around them again, and I really, really dislike the idea that Freddie fighting back against an abuser was "mutually toxic" or whatever people say. We have a note from Freddie to David like, "I'm sorry for being a meanie, please don't punch me in your sleep! I love you!' So yeah, I'm not very sympathetic to David Minns or the idea that it was an equal dynamic. Minns was abusive, and I think the only reasons why people don't see him on par with Bill is a) Freddie decided to make up with David but not Bill and b) Minns seemed to keep things within the home, whereas Bill trashed a hotel room and made some of his behavior public and c) people in society are very open to believing an abuser's depiction of their partner and their version of events. (And Freddie trying to date David and Joe at the same time without their permission was fucked up, I'm just saying that David had already inflicted abusive behavior by that point.)

But more broadly, yes, Freddie did cheat on basically everyone he was with and only stopped when Jim put his foot down and gave him an ultimatum. Jim said he believed that Freddie cheated on him out of insecurity, but that didn't make it right, because Jim hadn't done anything wrong to him. People can talk about Freddie's past experiences and traumas leading to him having a hard time being in a normal relationship, but that doesn't mean he was right to hurt someone like Jim, either. Freddie was fucked up in a lot of ways! But not in a way that made him irredeemable, and he had a lot of good qualities, and came to change some of his bad ones.

I get people not wanting to dwell on the uglier aspects of their faves, but it's annoying when discourse is driven by a sugar-coated view of them, too.

[lookingforhappy]

disclaimer: i found this in my drafts like a year after writing it, i've jazzed it up a bit so it reads a bit better.. hopefully?

i'm guessing from this commenter's url that they don't want to be interacted with/drawn attention to, & it has been months since i got this comment so i won't include their url for their privacy's sake

i'm sorry but i'm gonna be really annoying and disagree with this statement.

if this was an irl situation, then i would 100% agree with this sentiment. seeing a person for 6 seconds doesn't mean you know anything about them, and unless you're literally watching them murder someone or commit some other horrid crime or otherwise harass someone then you shouldn't judge them either.

however.

this is fiction. and every single aspect of a shot or scene is meant to elicit a reaction, opinion or thought from the viewer. when english teachers say "the door was red because they were angry/passionate" this is exactly the irl application of that lesson. that scene was only 4 seconds to us, but to the creators? they cast that actress, they chose the set decoration, the outfit, the action and reaction of the character. every aspect of that scene was chosen. on purpose. we're not looking at a glimpse of a real person in a real setting by chance, this is choreographed specifically for us to draw conclusions. this is our first (and likely only) impression of five's mother. and what impression did that leave the majority of viewers with?

link to post

to clarify, this isn't a dig at @feralnumberfive or anyone who had this reaction, and there were quite a few:

i think this is exactly what the creators wanted people to take away from this scene. and thats why i hate it, because this was intended. and its lazy, boring and detracts from five's character rather than adds to it.

but lets backtrack a bit. what exactly is this scene trying to tell its audience? there's two answers to this:

on the surface it's meant to communicate that five's mother, Efa, died in the same manner as the other mothers - a violent, psychically inflicted brain hemorrhage.

but the subtext of this scene, the implication, is that Efa passed down her "butcher genes" or "serial killer genes". this is what bothers me. and i know it's meant to be humourous. it's a gag. it's poking fun at five having the most brutal, gorey fight scenes in the whole series. but it doesn't work in the context of five's arc in either tv show or comic series.

see, i think this is a subtle reference to the comics plot of five having serial killer genes spliced into his own. (one of the tags screencapped above says excatly this). but that is five's only redeeming quality in the comics, because he hates that dna and what it made him into. he resents himself. it's not treated like a joke because to five and damn near everyone around him, it isn't funny.

even in the show itself, its not funny. five has explicitly expressed a hatred of killing, and what the commission forced him to do (the other nod to the dna plot of the comics).

the implication is that nature wins over nurture. that Five has always had butchery in his genes, and he was always destined to be violent and to enjoy that violence because of who his mother is/was.

but what's worse is that it means The Handler was right. Five was always a killer, its in his genes. his mother was a butcher. this is where he was always going to end up.

when the handler originally said this, we didn't have the context of five's mother being a butcher. five's dna/inherited genes was a blank slate. the audience was meant to hope that five would prove her wrong. in fact, that was integral to his character throughout s1 & 2. he was constantly trying to prove that one statement wrong. he did his best not to kill anyone while also protecting his family, he tries the diplomatic route every single time.

and now, that one 6 second scene has twisted the narrative and implied that Five was always destined to be good at killing, to take pride in it.

and this isn't an isolated incident. the other mothers have subtext to them as well.

luthers mother is a business woman, drawing a connection to luther's role as the leader.

diegos mother is seen cooking at home, drawing a connection to diego's close relationship with his homely, adoptive mother grace.

allisons mother is a teacher, drawing a connection to her status as a mother herself, and also to the role that speech plays in allisons life.

klaus' mother is amish, drawing a connection to klaus' eccentricity and possibly to his cult.

(insert this whole reblog for fives mom)

bens mother is a schoolgirl, which draws a connection to his naivety and his youthful hope and optimism.

viktor's mother is a young swimmer, drawing a connection to his ambition to be a part of the umbrellas.

those clips are meant to mean something. its not random, its chosen.

and, side note, i hate how five's mother isn't even chopping up meat. she's just pureeing it randomly with a cartoonishly large knife that she should never be swinging from the height or angle. all while she's covered in blood? just c'mon man.

... i just think there were different ways to do this. for one, spend more time on this plot point, make the mothers a whole arc or season. fives mother could stay a butcher if we got to see more of her. give her something else to define her character (is she family orientated or a lone wolf? what are her hobbies? who are her friends?) so that she isn't simply known as a butcher. so that the connection between mother and son isn't immediately blood and gore and cutting flesh. maybe even explore how five could move past his violent past by having him draw this conclusion and then discover through his mother that there is more to him than that.

TL;DR

Five's birth mother being a butcher implies that it's in Five's nature, his DNA, to be a killer. thereby proving The Handler correct: he was always a killer.

i feel like having five's mom be a butcher is such a misunderstanding of five and what his character means.

it implies that the violent, brutal actions he commits are in some way genetic/inherited, rather than cultivated after nearly five/six decades of desperate survival and manipulation. it implies that five was always going to become violent, that he had no chance at being soft or innocent because of his genetics.

and that, to me, takes away so much of the tragedy of his situation.

five doesn't want to be a killer, but he had to become one to have a chance at saving his family. he had to accept the handler's deal because if he didn't, if he refused to kill, he would be stuck in the apocalypse with no one but a mannequin to talk to and no clean water or stable food source or general quality of life.

five's brutality and willingness to kill was man-made and cultivated by the commission. sure, his already there traits helped to propel him towards this outcome, but it wasn't his first or even second choice.

depicting his mother as a butcher by itself is a betrayal of this character. but to also depict her as someone who loves this job, who has won awards for it, who takes pleasure from driving a knife through a slab of meat over and over again?

the implications of five having always enjoyed inflicting pain or of having that base instinct his entire life strips his character of agency, and makes his choice to sacrifice some of his humanity void. he didn't choose to become a killer for any higher purpose or sacrifice, but because he was always going to be that killer, because he enjoyed it.

[galvanizedfriend]

hi, yokan <3

I read that in Brazil there's a week-break because of carnival, therefore I hope you're finally having a bit of rest!

I was wondering if you could post an outtake with the klaroeve scene? from you comment I understood that there was more than that little scene in the latest chapter, and I would LOVE to read it!

sorry if I sound rude or pressuring, it's not my intention at all :(( I'm just Eve's third parent, I need more scenes with my babygirl being adorable 😭😭

I totally get why you don't put more of her in the main story. I ALWAYS say that babyplots are terrible due to a lot of factors, one of them being the constant present of a baby who basically does nothing (rightfully, since, yk, it went out of the whomb last year) and that adds nothing to the plot but just terrible fan service.

I think most people would agree with this, maybe even you!

HOWEVER, my little wolf/fish/mermaid is THE exception and I would love to see more of her, and, since u have a series dedicated to those fluffy moments that don't exactly fits with the plot, I really wish you will post something there 😭😭

sorry for bothering you, I hope you'll have a good day!

P.S.

totally off-topic but I also read some of your comments in Portuguese (AT LEAST I think it's Portuguese 😭) and I understood like 80% of it, privileges of being Italian ‼‼ so lol now you really can't escape me >:)

Yes, it's Carnaval right now! It's a nearly weak-long holiday, but it sadly ends on Wednesday. 😢 And I was technically on call yesterday, so 😂 But I am very much enjoying not doing anything 🤷‍♀️

About the baby thing, yes. 😂 I've been so lucky to get some passionate readers almost from the start with this fic and to have people who are still reading it a ton of years later, but I've also had to read some very mean things over the years that have stuck with me. It has made me extremely self-conscious about this story. I sometimes find myself almost apologizing for writing it, like I'm commiting some kind of crime against fandom or like I should be banned for inflicting this upon people for as long as I have. I wish I could be the kind of person who just doesn't care and remains blissfully unbothered, but I'm not. I'm not a naturally confident person in any way, and that kind of thing does get to me.

It's gotten better, of course. I care a lot less now than I used to, and the fic is not as popular as it was a few years ago either, so there's that But some of that stuff has just ingrained itself into my brain. Objectively I know this is stupid and I don't owe anybody anything, I don't have to apologize for writing a fanfiction for god's sake. There's room for everyone in fandom. I can have a corner to rewrite the show and have a magical Klaroline baby, fuck it. Who cares, you know? But it's almost stronger than me sometimes, I don't realize I'm doing it. I get this feeling that I need to be more critical otherwise people are going to think it's ridiculous and OOC and nobody's gonna want to read it anymore and etc etc. It's exhausting. And it's obviously nobody's fault, it's just me in my own head, but that's how it goes.

The scene you're talking about in particular. I had it written years ago. Literal years, maybe 2021 or early 2022. Some of my friends had even already read it a loooong time before the chapter was finished. And I was convinced that it was so cute and totally fine. Then as I wrapping up the chapter, I started getting this itch that it was actually ridiculous and the folks who had read it didn't say anything because they were being nice, they didn't want to hurt my feelings, and I had to get delete it. So I did. In all truth, I think the chapter is more polished like this. But then I removed a family scene and ended up writing smut that also had no place in the chapter, so. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I'm sorry for the rambly response. 🥲 I'll tell you this: I will read the deleted scene again and if I feel it's not dumpster-fire bad, I will post it here. But I need to check it first, because there is chance that it's not just my paranoid head telling me to get rid of the baby scenes and it really is just that bad. 😂

And as for the last part, yes, it's Portuguese. It's my native language. And it's so funny how Italian, Spanish and Portuguese can be so similar. I understand Spanish much better than Italian, but I do get some of it as well. Latin languages 🤜🤛 (except French, I don't understand French at all 😂)

[balillee]

tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.

[zeta-in-de-walls]

I'm generally a huge fan of the narrative trope "trapped in the prison of your own design" and "you made your bed now lay in it", and that's how I've seen c!dream this whole time.

Everything bad happening to c!dream is a consequence of his own action and everyone knows this. I still remember that sad-ist animation Final Waltz where c!dream held the strings like a puppeteer or spider and then got tangled into his own web once people turned on him. That's where c!dream always excelled in my mind as a villain. He's a very controlling and power-hungry character who embraced his god complex on his quest for more power. And that's the whole point of c!dream. He's irredeemable. That's why cc!dream never streamed his pov. He said that he didn't want people to pity his character or sympathize with him.

So that makes me confused about the ending because once cc!dream had the chance to COMMIT to his character, he immediately backtracks and goes "well C!TOMMY was ANNOYING and C!DREAM was HAPPY before he showed up! He misses his friends and THAT'S his redemption look at this FLASHBACK" and the ccs' twitter likes and the "I'm sorry" at the end of the server really just makes me sad. It feels like they wasted a good villain character. Dream made his bed, now make him lay in it. Dream cut off all of his friends. He tortured people. He abused tommy. Let him suffer the consequences.

It goes against the entire trope I truly thought c!Dream was based under, and if I talk about how BAD it was narratively inside the dsmp's storyline I'm not going to stop. (You've also summarized a lot of my own thoughts in your own separate posts.) Anyway, I'm going to stop here cause this is a longer ask than I planned. Sorry for that. It's just frustrating cause c!dream is one of those characters I love to hate and despite cc!dream saying in the past he's not going to be redeemed or sympathized with, he seemed to really try last minute- almost literally. Anyway, hope you have a good day and again, I didn't mean to make this like three whole ass paragraphs haha

Agreed! No worries, always feel free to ramble in my asks. I love it!

Yeah, Dream trapped in a prison of his own making was my interpretation as well, which I loved. The idea of him going out of his way to hurt and alienate everyone leaving him alone in a tiny box thinking he's some sort of god. Its great and I really used to enjoy his character as a villain and this finale trampled on it thoroughly.

My first warning came with the staged disc finale reveal showing it was all part of Dream's plan, but this blew that out of the water. After everything, Tommy sees a memory and that's enough for Dream to ask for another chance because all his actions were just because he missed his friends and Tommy ruined that when he joined the server? So what if Dream enjoyed inflicting suffering on Tommy, he should still give Dream another chance and even be his friend!

It's such a bad ending on so many levels.