#i'm so sorry iphi

[iphiloupe]

Iphy, ik this is a random question, but I need to know that I'm not going insane.

Do you know what the kids website Poisson Rouge is?

It was my childhood and I just re-found out it exists but no one else knows what it is

I'll be completely honest: I have never heard of it and neither have any of my schoolfriends 😅

[johaerys-writes]

Snippet Sunday

@rowanisawriter tagged me earlier this week for a WIP Wednesday but I had nothing to share, so I'm sharing a snippet today instead 😊 I've been working on a flashback which takes place at that fateful New Year's Eve party Antilochus mentions in chapter 2 of baby born blue, not sure if I'll include all of it in the next chapter but this is a small bit of it:

Patroclus is halfway down the stairs when he bumps into Briseis. 

“Where were you?” she demands hotly, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the music. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“Oh—sorry, I was just—” Patroclus stumbles over his own words. His face is hot, and he realises he actually never even bothered to come up with a believable excuse should he walk into someone he knows. “I’m tired,” he says finally. “I’m heading home.”

“Really.” Briseis quirks her brow, unconvinced. “And where is Achilles?”

“He’s…” Patroclus swallows thickly. “He—I don’t know, still at the party, probably.”

“You don’t know.” Briseis shakes her head and crosses her arms before her chest. “You’re leaving with him, aren’t you?”

“Brie…" Patroclus starts pleadingly, but doesn’t know how to finish the sentence. It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation. Just before this party she had made him promise that they’d be leaving together, whether Achilles was there or not. The promise didn’t even cross his mind before Patroclus broke it.

“How many more times are you going to do this to yourself?” Briseis asks when Patroclus doesn’t reply. “For months I’ve watched you pick up your pieces after he left. And now at a wiggle of Achilles’ fingers you’re crawling back to him without a second thought?”

He hates the hopeless, disappointed look she gives him, and he hates himself for giving into all of this once more. But he just can’t help it. The pull is too strong, impossible to fight. No one else could understand it, because no one else shares a bond like he and Achilles do.

 “We won’t do anything,” he lies, only to placate her. “We’ll just talk things over.”

"In the middle of the night? And after everything Achilles has downed?” 

“I just— I need to do this, Brie,” Patroclus says, as if that’s enough to explain any of it. “It’s been a while, and—things might be different this time. He deserves a chance, at least. We both do.”

“Oh, Pat.” She shakes her head again. “Are you lying to me or to yourself?” 

Patroclus just gazes at her helplessly. He doesn’t know what else to say. Briseis sighs. “Did you tell Iphis at least? She probably still thinks you’re on that ‘date’.” 

Patroclus winces slightly at the reminder. Briseis had brought Iphis as his plus one for the party, but he barely managed to spend half an hour with her before Achilles arrived and practically pounced on him. After months of interacting with him only through text messages and video calls, whenever they both had time, having all of Achilles' attention on him all at once was intoxicating, headier than the strongest drug. He could try looking for Iphis now, but the villa is huge and she could be anywhere, and he also hates to leave Achilles alone when he’s in that state.  

He feels like the worst, most selfish person in the world when he asks Briseis, “Can you make up an excuse? Just tell her I got sick or something.” 

Briseis glares at him. “I’m not lying for you again. I’ll tell her the truth: that you left with Achilles to—”

“To take him home, because he got sick. Or something. Please. I’ll owe you.” 

Briseis glares at him for a moment longer, then she shakes her head dejectedly again. “Fine. But I’m doing it for her sake, not yours. She deserves some kind of an explanation.”

“Thanks, Brie, you’re the best,” Patroclus tells her over his shoulder, already hopping down the stairs. 

“Pat.” 

He stops and turns to look at her. She lets out a deep breath, her features growing hard. 

“When you’re with him, you become just like him.” 

The words are like a punch in the gut. Patroclus just stares stupidly at her, until she turns around and walks back to the party.

Tagging forth to @baejax-the-great @in-arlathan @tragediegh @reprrise @hekateinhell @starlightvld @maxdurden @vimlos @darlingpoppet @babyrdie and anyone else who might want to share a little WIP!

[cecils-dragons]

Sorry for not being around much lately, I'm a bit of a mess due to a good handful of things. But I come back for jars, as I love jars, especially origami in jars. The crane is the closest to my collection of paper stars(I have a small box of cranes instead), so I gotta give that to my main guy Iphy!

More buddies for him :D

[jules-ln]

Sorry Anon, the post was too long so I decided to make it its own post instead of an answer

Let me write my Bible because I have thought about this more than I should and I'm mentally ill

First the silence of the girls

I'm going be honest and say that while I don't like this book, I can recognize that is very well written and author makes it very interesting

But!

The girls were silenced indeed 😅

Like, if you're going to market your book as a "feminist" retelling of the Iliad I'll expect your level of feminism to be more advanced than what Homer was writing

Don't get me wrong, I know that women and children are often overlooked at wars specially in a historical context, but what Pat Barker was presenting as feminism was simply "Women suffer more than men in wars 😥" and that is the same thing that Homer was saying hundreds of years ago, more than that, I'd say that Homer did it better

And you know, it's supposed to be a feminist retelling, so I was expecting sorority to be a thing, specially because the only other source of comfort, respect and friendship a woman like Briseis could have had then would've been other enslaved women

But no, we don't really see sorority in the greek camps for more than a couple of paragraphs at best, and I got the feeling that some women characters were just genderbents of the male heroes, like Odysseus's enslaved woman is clever, Nestor's enslaved woman is maternal, florals for spring? groundbreaking

More than that, in the Iliad there is a character named Iphis that is Patroclus's enslaved woman and Briseis mentioned being close friends with her. So you expect that being a close friend of the protagonist she should have a lot of dialogue, specially in conversations with Briseis, don't you think?

Bish, I don't even remember her talking at all to begin with, much less to Briseis! 🤣

The only meaningful relationship Briseis has in the book are Achilles and Patroclus, her life orbits around these men and the other women don't matter

And that leads me to my other point

Briseis doesn't do ANYTHING.

Now, I know, I know, I know. Briseis doesn't do anything in the Iliad either, but that's some of the problems I have with Iliad adaptations.

Like, none of them will EVER be as good as the Iliad, to any writer that think that they can make an adaptation of the Iliad be as good as the Iliad. Sit down, you aren't that guy

So really, they should just do what MM did. Do your own thing that can stand on its own without hanging on the Iliad. Even if it's different, that's a good thing

Now, I say all of that because, it would've been Good if Briseis did something, ANYTHING at all other than stand there and look pretty

You might say "it's accurate to the Iliad" I say "A protagonist that doesn't do anything at all and doesn't influence the world around them in any way is boring"

There was even this part where Briseis wonders about how much control Patroclus has over Achilles, And I was here like "Yesssss, Briseis is going to emotionally manipulate Patroclus to control Achilles so she can be the one who is actually in control of both"

Nope, that, didn't happen, like, at all

Even at some point the narrative kicks Briseis out of the story to focus on Achilles and Patroclus, and like, feminism where? 😅

Once again that leads to my next point. Patroclus and Achilles part was more interesting.

Unironically, the best part of the book was the relationship that both had, it was the type of relationship that was like "I love you, but ngl I kinda hate you and want to kill you too unironically" And I think that's interesting! That's new, I've never read anything like that regarding those two before!

But that's a problem, because when I bought the book I wanted to read about women, I wanted to read about Briseis, not about Achilles and Patroclus, and that the author made them SOOOO much more interesting than Briseis, is just sad

Then there's the problem of the rapes scene, which, in this day and age if you're going to add a rape scene in anything, you better have some freaking good reason. And in this book, they're there for mere shock value, it doesn't give anything to the story, it doesn't change the tone of the book, a good editor would've take them out, but I guess it was part of the "feminist" message 🙄

But really, I don't hate the book, like I said, it's well written in my opinion, but it is a disappointing book because it could've been a great book with some tweaks here and there

Now about The song of Troy

ACHILLES YOU SON OF A BITCH FUCKING LIPLESS MUPPET I HATE YOU Y SI CIEN AÑOS VIVO CIEN AÑOS CHINGAS A TU MADREEEEE

Now that we got that out of the way

See, the thing is that I've read the song of Troy some time ago, and I mostly rage read it so I don't remember it very well

Like I hated it SO MUCH it it it Flames flames FLAMES on the side of my head (yes, it's a reference) so I'm just going to say the things I remember that made me mad

🔸️Helen is the prime example that writing women that don't suck ass ISN'T an innate skill in women, like she was one of the most misogynistic characters that I've ever read and if I was Menelaus in this book, I would be happy that she was gone, bon voyage biatch!

🔸️Both the book and Achilles treat Patroclus like Trash

🔸️The story treats Achilles like an uwu boy that can do no wrong when in reality in the book he's an idiotic asshole estúpido kbron hijo de la chingada pinche mamon bastardo agarras tu espadita la haces rollito y te la metes por el culo pendejo de mierda. Yeah, I don't like Achilles in this book

🔸️Odysseus is written to allegedly be very smart, sadly in actuality he's very dumb, because you see, the whole thing about the fight between Agamemnon and Achilles was an elaborate plot by him to get the Trojans to come out if I remember correctly, now, I think any good good tactician will tell you that an overly elaborate plan that will result in like half of your men dying with no guarantee of it being successful anyway, isn't so smart

🔸️Briseis was written so badly... I'm just going to put it this way, at some point in the book Achilles hits her, and that was the best fucking thing Achilles did in that book, like yess fucking muppet slap that bitch again. Oh but don't worry, Briseis in the book was ok with being slapped and not in a kinky way

🔸️Helen hits Andromache, and so did Hector. I'm going to leave it at that

🔸️I don't remember too well because at this point the fog of rage was too thick, but I think Achilles and Hector kinda fell in love when they were fighting? Which was very weird

So make yourself a favor and don't read it

If you want a good adaptation read these

🔹️War music by christopher logue, it isn't finished because sadly the author died, but best adaptation I've read so far

Here's a quote I like:

"When Nyro’s mother heard of this

She shaved her head; she tore her frock; she went outside

Ripping her fingernails through her cheeks:

Then down her neck; her chest; her breasts;

And bleeding to her waist ran round the shops,

Sobbing:

‘God, kill Troy.

Console me with its death.

Revenge is all I have.

My boy was kind. He had his life to live.

I will not have the chance to dance in Hector’s blood,

But let me hear some have before I die.’

‘I saw her running round.

I took the photograph.

It summed the situation up.

He was her son.

They put it out in colour. Right?

My picture went around the world.’"

🔹️La cólera by Javier Olivares and Santiago García, is a comic in Spanish, but if you can get your hands on one copy, do it, it's so good and the art is beautiful, one of the best portrayals of Achilles I've seen, Pyrrha also appears

🔹️An Iliad, by Denis O'Hare and Lisa Peterson, is a play, and tbh I don't like this one as much as I do the other two, but it is SOOO GOOD too.

🔹️En mitad de tanto fuego by Alberto Conejero, this one is a play; short and sweet and the narrator is Patroclus, very new too, and as far as I know it's only in Spanish, but if you can get it, do so, because it's very good.

Let me translate a part of it to the best of my abilities to tempt you a bit

"How short was life, how short... Now bury me as soon as possible so I can cross the gate of Hades. Bury me, Achilles. And if someone in the future finds my tomb and opens it, let them see how smoke comes out of my shroud still. Because of the desire, Achilles, because of the desire"

[envy-of-the-apple]

6k???!!!! Wow!!!! I'm so excited!!!!

Now onto the info (right now this is all off the top of my head because I'm not home so I can't reference my copies). I'm afraid this will have to be a submission it got so long.

In regards to the religious aspect it's my understanding that sacrifices were based on how valuable the thing was to people (so the bigger and more useful the animal the greater the sacrifice, even more so if it would be difficult to replace). Also aside from animals there are instances of human sacrifice in the epic cycle (though I think it's only when they're asked for it specifically). Additionally, the characters beliefs and quote unquote ranking of the gods may change depending on what version of the trojan war Ms. Timetraveller ends up in (is she getting isekaied into the homeric poem which while set in mycenaean greece followed the classical greek understanding of the gods? Or did she literally end up in the bronze age and then we're dealing with pre greek dark ages religion)

In regards to slave women in Achilles' camp it's safe to assume that there were plenty more aside from Briseis and Iphis (if I'm remembering correctly Iphis was Patroclus' concubine in the text) since they've been pillaging for a while and taking captives was commonplace (at Patroclus' funeral games Achilles gave three wome out as part of the prizes). The only other named one associated with Achilles is Diomede, a girl he replaces Briseis with.

While we don't really get Patroclus' motivations there is nothing in the text that implies he'd be reluctant to fight (that seems to be a modern characterization, in the original text he was as much of a warrior as Achilles). He's also a little older than Achilles in the Iliad (he is described as being a guiding and tempering influence)

From what I can remember most sources place Achilles as being 15 at Aulis (where Iphigenia was sacrificed) and then around 17/18 once they finally start the siege.

We don't have a lot of concrete evidence as to what daily life would have been like in a war camp at the time but my best guess is that a war captive would have spent most of their time doing chores and other work (for women that would consist of anything to do with washing, meal prep, crafts such as weaving/spinning etc),Ms. Timetraveller is going to have to get good at getting bloodstains out I'm afraid. They would have probably slept in a tent with their peers unless chosen to "accompany" anyone in particular and they would have been assigned to workgroups tasked with particular chores.

That's all I can think of right now, sorry it got so long. I tried not to ramble on too much.

[mechsbrackets]

Time for the (it's going to be) nightly update! I have realized it's a loooot easier to just... put the full list of nominees under a cut, so I'm gonna do keep doing that.

Also, Tumblr is being really weird. Based on my notifications, I may have received asks that I can not look at. If I'm ignoring your ask: I'm sorry, it's not on purpose. At the time of posting, my inbox is empty. Tumblr is hiding it.

Now for the 62 nominees for the Most Gender Mechanisms Character Bracket!

Gunpowder Tim 34 Ashes O'Reilly 32 The Toy Soldier 24 Mordred 23 Loki 20 Lyfrassir Edda 18 Ulysses 18 Jonny D'ville 17 Marius von Raum 14 Nastya Rasputina 14 Drumbot Brian 13 The Aurora 12 Raphaella la Cognizi 10 Dr. Carmilla 8 Frankenstein's AI 8 Orpheus 8 Majors Hatter & Hare 7 Iphis 6 Ivy Alexandria 6 Lancelot 6 Arthur Pendragon 5 Galahad 5 Narcissus 5 Sigyn 5 Alice 4 Blogbot 4 Guinevere 4 Odin 4 Rose Red 4 Briar Rose 3 Comsat Cheshire 3 Scuzz Nishimura 3 Yog-Sothoth 3 Bertie 2 Captain Joseph Robert Mathea 2 Caterpillar 2 Cinders 2 Gawain 2 Hereward the Wake 2 Oedipus 2 Pellinore 2 The Octokittens 2 The Stranger 2 A drunk space pirate 1 Arachne 1 Ariadne 1 Dorian Grey 1 Frankenstein 1 General Snow White 1 Gunther the Octokitten 1 Heracles 1 Icarus 1 Jack Spratt 1 Prometheus 1 Stowaway 1 The beast Pellinore was tracking 1 The Moon Kaiser 1 The Pendragons as a unit 1 The phoenix planet (Redeath) 1 The Rose Reds 1 The scorpion from HNOC 1 The spiders operating Aurora 1

[classicslesbianopinions]

sorry if someone has asked this already but curious about your thought process in choosing iphis for the woman poll

well, the short answer is that someone put the name in the suggestion form and enough people voted in the preliminary round and i went with it.

actually though--i didn't use pronouns in the bio for iphis, and that was deliberate. but i kept them in because i think what matters about a story like this is the effect it has throughout the years, and i think the story of iphis and ianthe can resonate both with wlw and with trans people, in different and similar ways. so i didn't feel right excluding that story when this is a blog with "lesbian" in the url and the story resonates with me as a lesbian, even though i know people will also resonate with iphis as an ancient depiction of a trans man. i do think both of those experiences can coexist. so in deciding to keep iphis in the poll i was mostly thinking about how i felt like the story of iphis and ianthe probably resonates with the audience of this blog. and personally i also don't feel comfortable assigning gender labels to ancient figures, so i didn't want to say "this character can't be part of the poll because they're definitely 100% a trans man" when i don't think anyone can say that.

but it's a fair question! i'm sure some people disagree with iphis's inclusion, and that's understandable. personally i'm also happy to play a little fast and loose with gender here, especially given that the polls aren't all that serious anyway.

(i did have trouble writing the bio, too, because the way the story is told sort of requires you to engage on the assumption that biology = gender, which of course i do not believe. but then i couldn't write a bio that didn't rely on that assumption because of how the story is written. it would have felt like overinterpretation to say that iphis had definitely been a man the whole time--and of course if i believed that iphis had definitely 100% been a man the whole time, they would not be in the poll.)

[kiratheperson]

I posted 24,119 times in 2022

That's 21,589 more posts than 2021!

8 posts created (0%)

24,111 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bobo-the-part-time-clown

@elytrians

@edelgard-enjoyer

@fardf150

@ziseviolet

I tagged 2,185 of my posts in 2022

#goncharov - 549 posts

#unreality - 324 posts

#aesthetic - 250 posts

#save - 243 posts

#overgrown aesthetic - 43 posts

#dracula - 41 posts

#dracula daily - 38 posts

#<- prev tags - 18 posts

#this is beautiful - 16 posts

#me - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i could have gotten ‘total loser of a guy who will never amount to anything’ as a result and it would have been less devastating then this

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

changed my theme >:)

0 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#4

I think u may be stuck on the dashboard of 4 days ago but u should know that martin scorsese himself reacted to goncharov 😳

Yes I do know!!!! It’s amazing this is peak goncharov

The reason Im reblogging posts from 4 days ago is cuz I hit the post limit in like 4 hours on the first day of goncharov and then I filled up my queue with at least 400 goncharov posts. In addition to the normal posts. So now I have 500 posts in my queue. I regret nothing.

2 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

#3

omg that’s adorable I love it

how has your day been btw?

2 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

#2

hey feel free to answer this privately or just . ignore it + I'm not sure how to phrase this well but ... are u Asian ? (LMAO) I don't see a lot of queer Asian ppl in my specific tumblr circle so I'm always happy and surprised when I see other asian ppl on here . sorry if this is a weird question ✋🥲

Yeah I'm Chinese!!! Dw, I'm cool with this kinda question, you know since it's in good faith and all. And I get it cuz it's always awesome to see other queer Asians :D

2 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hello, I'm once again asking you about your OCs because I'm curious! I hope that's okay? Who are Iphi and Jack? I love the first one's name. And if I remember right Jack is aro? That's neat, I haven't really seen a lot of aro characters before! /pos

Thank you for the ask!!! Sorry this is pretty late btw, I haven’t had time to answer it lol

(That’s Iphi on the left, Jack on the right. First is a picrew, second isn’t my art but like. I haven’t drawn Jack yet so that’s kinda their ref for now)

But it is rant time!! Imma start with Iphi! Because I kinda need to explain her to give context for Jack’s lore. 

So Iphi is the god of sacrifice in this little fantasy world I made, Kunyang! She’s a pretty old god, a couple of thousand years old, but she’s still the second youngest one lol.

In Kunyang, gods are born when they sprout from the seeds of the god tree. The god tree is in the divine realm, which is a different realm entirely from the physical realm, but very rarely, a god seed can arrive in the physical realm.

Anyways, this seed fell into the hands of a very magically powerful person. They had magic potential that could honestly rival a god- and yeah, they believed they were destined for great things because of it. So, they were determined to be the person who caused the god seed to sprout.

So in Kunyang, there was once this library called the Archives, run by the god of knowledge himself, Ephius. This person went to Ephius, and they were told that the seed was for the god of sacrifice. Ephius told the person that to sprout a god seed, they’d need sacrifices from thousands of people. This person wanted to do it, all by themself.

And so, they sacrificed everything. Family, friends, fortune, and fame. All gone, in the hopes of making a legacy. The seed did not sprout, because it wasn’t enough. So this person decided that they would need to make a very big sacrifice, one big enough to make the seed sprout.

They decided to banish the Archives from the physical realm into the divine realm, sacrificing humanity’s access to the library of all knowledge. And that was indeed a big enough sacrifice to give birth to a new god!

And that’s how Iphi was created. But the thing is- that’s really not how you’re supposed to create a god. So she was kind of corrupted from birth. This corruption prevented her from having a lot of character traits that one might consider important to being human.

Iphi does not feel happiness, or satisfaction. No sorrow or regret. Nothing of that sort. But she is working towards a goal: and that is creating a legacy. Having an effect on the world. (Her only contributor to her creation imprinted heavily on her.)

And because of that, she is very active in all manners of sacrifice. Every day, she’s constantly getting people to make sacrifices to her, amassing followers in many different lands. This also increases her powers heavily.

The way her powers work, they’re kinda like payment based. She gets someone to sacrifice something for her, and she can create something else of equal value to that something. (The more important that something was to the person who sacrificed it, the more she can create and do.) Like, she could make a giant wall of fire, or acid rain, or bury a country in gold if she had enough magic. Which she absolutely does. But she mostly saves the magic potential she receives for later.

And also, Iphi doesn’t truly care about anything other than making a mark on the world. She doesn’t mind if people die or suffer because her sacrifices took something too important- if anything, she wants to do that, because it’s quite a way of making your mark on the world.

Oh, and I gotta add- she can’t do this all without a little help! And that’s where Jack comes in.

They’re also a couple thousand years old, but quite younger than Iphi. So they used to be a court jester. Mortal and everything. They should have had a life of a normal length, be just another person in the world, but then they fell in love with Iphi.

And yeah they’re aromantic! It’s not romantic love, it’s alterous love. But yeah they felt a deep emotional attraction, and they wanted to be in a relationship (not a romantic or platonic one though). Anyways, Iphi doesn’t feel the same way. She doesn’t love Jack. But she thought it was convenient to have someone in love with her, and to keep them around, so she offered Jack a sacrifice.

She’d give them eternity, and they would be her servant.

Jack honestly didn’t want to do that at first, but then they had a near-death experience, and agreed to her terms.

So Iphi took their physical body, and also their independence.

Because it would be inconvenient if her servant got bored or wanted to take back the sacrifice. So Jack quite literally cannot think unless she wills it. They’re barely conscious until Iphi needs them, and only then can they think again.

Jack isn’t even aware this happens. To them, it feels like they just woke up, or they just simply forgot what happened during that time

Iphi also messed with Jack’s mind a bit, to amplify their devotion. And yeah, Jack is completely, utterly devoted to her. They would die for her, they’d be tortured for her, they would kill for her too. Nothing is off the table. They’d do anything she says. And they truly love her.

Jack mostly stays in the divine realm, usually, until Iphi sends them to the physical realm to do something for her. That something is usually extorting people to get more sacrifices. Jack pretty much curses people, and then offers to remove that curse in exchange for a sacrifice. (That’s how Janessa got cursed, actually [have I talked about her?] but Jack forgot they cursed her lmao.)

Anywayssss there is some more lore, but this is pretty fucking long already lmao so Imma just end this here. Unless you’d like to hear more!!

3 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

If you were after more details on the angel who transes your gender, @crazy-pages - there's three different stories where that happens (as a way to maintain the status quo of man + woman). I'm copy/pasting this from another post so the format's a little weird 😅

(also, sorry about the gendered language. Trying to balance between how medieval people understood things and how we do is hard without changing the meaning of the original texts too much AND without getting super wordy)

Yde et Olive (15th Cent) - to avoid being married to their own father, Yde disguises themselves as a man and becomes a knight. They end up in Rome, where the king marries them to their daughter, Olive. After a couple of weeks, Yde tells Olive about their "true gender", but the conversation is overheard. The King demands Yde bathe with him to prove they are a man. An angel intervenes and transforms Yde into a man.

Iphis and Ianthe (Greek/Roman myth, but also in Ovid's Metamorphois, which first came to England in the 15th Cent) - Telethusa is due to give birth, but her husband tells her that if the baby is a girl he'll have it killed. When she gives birth to a girl, she names them Iphis and disguises them as a boy. Eventually, Iphis is engaged to Ianthe. (Incidentally, this is also a really early example of same-sex romance, as Iphis struggles with their love for Ianthe "as a woman"). Before the wedding, Iphis and Telethusa pray at the temple of Isis, who transforms Iphis into a man.

Tristan de Nanteuil (11th/12th Cent) - from the Chanson de geste, after his alleged death, Tristan's wife, Blanchandin/e, disguises themself as a Knight. Clarinde, a sultan's daughter, falls in love with them. Blanchandin manages to hide their "true sex", but when Clarinde demands they bathe with her to prove they are a man they flee into the woods. There, they meet an angel who asks if they want to be transformed into a man. Blanchandin accepts and he is turned into a man for the rest of the poem. (Incidentally the angel gives him a giant cock. Yes, the text specifies this).

the great thing about medieval literature is that it returns us to a time when men were men and women were women, *insert gritty realism gif here*, featuring such important and eternal gendered characteristics such as

(M) Why Would I Learn To Think Critically When I Could Find a Random Damsel In The Woods To Tell Me What To Do

(F) Demands To Be Brought The Heads Of Her Enemies

(M, to F) Be Mean To Me, No, Meaner Than That

(F) Meticulous Maintenance Of Social Connections And Alliances Via Writing Letters

(M) Crying

(M) More Crying

(M) Even More Crying, While Being Held Tenderly By Brother In Arms

(F) Necromancy

(M) Meticulous Maintenance Of Social Connections And Alliances Via Mistaking Friend’s Identity, Attacking Him, Then Kissing And Making Up

(F) Expert Medical Practitioner

(M) Self-Care By Episodes Of Madness In The Woods

(F) Owner Of Haunted Castle

[diantha]

im sure someone has asked this before but how do you get your ocs to look like theyre talking? and get your characters to look like theyre in scenes with npcs?

I haven't been asked this yet and I'd be happy to help!

Kinda long, under cut.

To make your OCs look like they're talking: I'm actually just straight-up editing the origin characters in-game to look like my OCs using Appearance Editor Enhanced: Origins. This allows you to edit origin characters like Astarion, Gale, etc, but unfortunately, you can't change body type or race. I use Astarion for Balian and Orestes (all the siblings are technically quarter-elfs but only Orestes and Darya have visible ears-- but you can't see the ears through Balian's hair, thankfully, and my character creator lets you use both half-elf and elf presets for both races-- I have no clue if this is normal or if it's one of the other mod I have installed). I use Gale for Yusuf, and Shadowheart for both Darya and Iphi (again, Iphi technically has human ears but you can't see them).

You can use another mod on the same mod page to change body type/race for custom/durge characters, but it is sometimes buggy so use at your own risk!

To get your character in scenes with NPCs: they're just normal romance scenes but you change the other character to look like the NPC you want (for example, the restaurant scene was Karlach's romance and I turned her into Gortash. Sorry, Karlach). There are several ways to do this: Born To Be Anyone, which allows your companions to change into anyone by having their camp shoes have a transform spell. Ring of Metamorph, which gives you a buyable ring that lets you change both companions and in-world NPCs into whomever.

Finally, there's NPC Tool. You have to install cheat engine to get this to work, and I'd recommend being very careful while doing so because it can install malware onto your computer if you aren't paying attention! The only reason I am using this one specifically is that the other two options, for some reason, don't have a hand for Gortash. Like, one of his hands is just...gone. I don't know why. I'm sure it's fine for other NPCs but for Gortash specifically, you're gonna have to use NPC Tool to get him to be completely handed.

I also recommend Baldurian's Save Games if you want to download a save that is close to the specific romance scenes you're looking for-- the creator is very responsive and will usually upload new saves for you if you request :)

I also recommend Basket Equipment to Camp Clothes since most romance scenes have your characters in your camp clothes, and you can dress them up super nicely for whatever scene you're doing.

I HOPE THIS HELPS <333

[mythlived]

❛  @aulisdeer​ asked: "I hope you'll excuse my cheap wit, but the hour is late and it's all I have left." !  

   (  ♕  )  —    ❝  Funny  !  ❞  He says, voice saccharine in quality as he takes in Iphi’s words. And really, she should have known better than to say such a thing to him. Of course, his opinion most likely doesn’t matter to her, but so be it. Tone ticking upward at the same time his smile turns just this side of vicious, he finishes his thought, ❝  Whether the hour is late or not, your cheap wit is all you ever really had in the first place  !  ❞

[menelaiad]

"that follows the Cassandra was not claimed by agamemnon for sexual purposes, but leople don't seem to like that narrative" - can you explain this one a bit further? I kinda get what you're saying but its not something I've really heard before. Sorry if it's actually something obvious and I'm asking a basic question. Thank you for your time

sure sure! i spoke about this in my lectures and it made said when i verbalised it, but if it comes across all warped and muddled in word-form than please just ask me to clarify ASDFGHJKL

OKAY SO. we know that cly wanted to kill aga. it was planned. aeschylus (and to an extent the other tragedians) give us the whole watch-tower-carpet-walking scene that shows that. she WANTED to know when he was coming home to put her plan into action. homer is not so explicit BUT he, again, mentions that it was cly and aeg that killed him implying Some preparation. the two had a plan to execute.

it was not something she planned to do upon seeing aga arrive at mycenea with kassandra.

SO WE HAVE TWO THINGS - it was iphi. pretty black and white. aga had sacrificed their daughter ten years earlier and she spent ten years plotting his murder. did it. credits roll, that's that.

at least that's what the tragedians say. Homer doesn't say WHY. and this is where hyginus comes in and says:

§ 117 CLYTEMNESTRA: Clytemnestra, daughter of Tyndareus and wife of Agamemnon, heard from Oiax, brother of Palamedes, that Cassandra was being brought as a concubine to her house, a false statement Oiax made in order to avenge the wrong done to his brother. Then Clytemnestra, together with Aegisthus, son of Thyestes, planned to kill Agamemnon and Cassandra. They killed him with an axe as he was sacrificing, and Cassandra, too. But Electra, Agamemnon's daughter, rescued her brother, the infant Orestes, and sent him to Strophius in Phocis. Strophius had married Agamemnon's sister, Astyoche.

(disclaimer: hyginus is roman. however. we cannot say for certain he made this up lmfao. there may be something lost that he got this from. a play. a fragment. something from the epic cycle. We Don't Know. so dont come at me with 'UHHH THATS A ROMAN' - i know. but romans lived closer to the greeks than we do. they may have had access to stuff that we have now lost. okay? good.)

this does kinda hold up though. cause palamedes was wronged by his fellow greeks and aga is the leader of said greeks. so this statement does have legs.

SO LET'S SAY homer is right. there is just iphianassa, laodike and chyrso as his daughters. all alive and no iphi (like in the iliad) - why the plot to kill aga? in this timeline of events (that we know of) there is no iphi sacrifice.

THEREFORE. the spreading of a rumour that cly becomes aware of that she THEN concocts a plan to kill aga for makes sense. someone has told her about kassandra (falsely) and she's made her plan with aegisthus. THUS showing that kassandra being taken by aga for sexual purposes as a falsehood.

EXTENDING FROM THAT in Aeschylus, aga tries to get kassandra to acknowledge cly has her mistress or like cly to acknowledge she's now kass' mistress - which means she's there for cly. and that's a theme in TW too. that these trojan women are going back with greek men to serve their wives (like hecuba and penelope). ALSO. the ONLY reference made to kassandra being in aga's bed/sleeping with him etc. comes from cly. she's the only one who seems to be on that wavelength. nobody else is. aga never says it. kass never says it. only cly - she's the only one privy to the rumour. that's why.

ALSO in homer aga is killed at a feast. not in the bath. also also. kass is not killed with aga IN the bath if you wanna do the bath stuff. she is killed separately and then thrown on top of his body. they are Not bathing together. that is a modern sexualisation of the story (cause we love this shit to be sexual for some fuckin reason lmfaooo welp)

elephant in the room - euripides has kassandra make a big show of being a sexual slave to agamemnon when she leaves with him in trojan women. i've said it before, i'll say it again - euripides needs a LOT of context to be understood. he is ..... i dont wanna say projecting but i legit cant think of a better word ... about the war he is currently in.

NOW - am i saying 'aga doesnt suck cause he didn't wanna sleep with kassandra' NO. taking a poor girl from her home. killing her family. u know the spiel. is AWFUL. whether you sleep with her or not ... doesn't matter tbh. BUT it seems to be like concrete that that is what aga wanted and it's not .... that concrete, there is .... explanation for the contrary i suppose. also, people, stop making everything regarding the epic cycle about sex and sexual violence, like who are you? pat fucking barker?

[johaerys-writes]

Hey!

That ask about favorite mythological characters made me wonder…do you have favorite mythological relationships? With "relationships" I consider them all (romantic, friendship, family, etc...).

Homeric relationship canon.

Homeric headcanon relationship.

General relationship canon.

General relationship headcanon.

Obviously we know that Patrochilles is one of them, but if you want to talk something about them that maybe you don't usually talk about here you can consider them for the ask too!

(And anon from ask about the characters, sorry for copying your model a little lol)

Hi there!! And sorry for taking so long to answer but this is SUCH an interesting question and I have so much I want to say here. I'll try to be as concise as I can:

1. Homeric canon relationships 

Homeric canon has an ABUNDANCE of relationships, both romantic and platonic, and it's just really hard to choose a favourite, or even just a couple of favourites. I feel like I could talk forever about every single relationship in the epic but I'll try not to 😅

I love the relationship btwn Hector and Andromache, the scene with Astyanax and Hector essentially telling them goodbye is one of the most powerful and enduring scenes in the epic. I also really like Hector's relationship with Helen, as well as Helen with Priam; it just feels like they accepted her wholeheartedly into their family despite Paris bringing her there being the root cause of their suffering! And that's so neat to me!! I feel like Homer is a masterclass on subtle characterisation and *showing* the Trojan culture instead of telling us.

Other relationships that I find fascinating in the Iliad are the deep bond between Agamemnon and Menelaus and how protective they are of one another- like you can always count on Agamemnon to look after his little bro lol. The bromance between Diomedes and Odysseus is also really interesting and it's also kind of funny the way other characters in the Iliad acknowledge it. Also pretty much any relationship that Achilles or Patroclus have with other people in the Iliad (Phoenix, Briseis, Iphis, Thetis, Ajax, Odysseus) that shit is like catnip to me I want ALL OF IT and it's literally what I spend a LOT of my time thinking about ahah

As for Odyssey relationships, Peisistratus and Telemachus are CANON okay :)) and they are among my favourites, and another one that's really sweet and heartbreaking is Odysseus and Argos. The best doggo in the history of doggos

2. Homeric headcanon relationships

- Aaaaaahh gosh where do I START!! okay okay so I have a looooot of headcanons about the gods in the iliad and their relationships to their pet humans, I just fucking love thinking about Apollo being obsessed with Hector and maybe something dubcon-y going on between them 👀👀 As well as Aphrodite meddling in Paris and Helen's relationship and maybe having a taste trio somewhere in there 👀 SPEAKING OF TRIOS how cool would it be if Menelaus and Paris decided to settle their differences in a DIFFERENT FASHION and maybe agreeing to a menage-a-trois of sorts >:) Maybe Aphrodite has her hand in that too...... hehe

Also damn listen I'm not going to go into too much detail here but I am literally feral thinking about Achilles and Patroclus who have a sort of more open relationship and are free to mingle as they see fit. Like think of young Antilochus having a huge crush on the Best of the Greeks and Achilles taking advantage of that.... or Patroclus deciding that he simply *has* to invite Automedon to their bed one day, or maybe even fool around with him when Achilles is off with his ships warmongering somewhere. And then when they meet again they tell each other all about their escapades, and.... well..... can't blame a guy for getting all hot and bothered all over again >:))) huehuehue

3. General relationship canon

Generally, I'm always really interested in the relationships between the gods, both the Olympians and the Titan-born. I love thinking of the sibling bond between Artemis and Apollo for example, that they might have wreaked havoc together growing up lol. I also like thinking about Aphrodite and Ares and the way the ancient greeks used to ship those two and how that association came about (love and war), as well as the relationship itself which is both familial (brother-sister) and romantic in nature.

I also really like some of the tragic love stories in Greek mythology, such as Artemis and Kallisto, Apollo and Hyacinthus, Orpheus and Eurydice, Iphis and Ianthe. The lore is full of love stories with unhappy endings like that, but it’s kind of neat that we have some queer representation at least 😅 (except in the case of Iphis and Ianthe who got their happy ending!!) 

In another ask I also mentioned the relationship between Medea and Jason which I also find super interesting, as well as Theseus/Ariadne/Dionysus/the Minotaur (now THAT would have been an interesting polycule lmao... jk..... unless 👀)

4. General relationship headcanon

Okay so there's no headcanon that springs to mind right now, but there is a slightly niche thought I've been entertaining for a while now. So there's this play by Aeschylus called 'Prometheus Bound' which presents the story of Prometheus and his defiance of Zeus as we know it, HOWEVER Aeschylus introduced a plot twist in that play where Prometheus is the son of Thetis. His inspiration for this was a little detail in the wider legend of Achilles, where the prophecy that is given to Thetis is that the son she will bear will not only be greater than his father, but if the father is Zeus, their offspring will change the world order. Zeus doesn't know this so he sleeps with her, and then Prometheus is born who indeed changes the world. I really love this little spin on the myth of Thetis and the famous prophecy, and it also got me thinking about how Achilles would fit into that, like what would it be like if he learnt about it or even met his stepbro?? That is just fascinating to me.

Thanks once again for this ask!!

[cecils-dragons]

Also, I am in a lot of pain that just suddenly come on, so if people could share dragon or send asks, that would be great. Being bedridden is not very fun, also I am in too much pain to focus, so sorry but I won’t be rebloging dragons show like usual, but I do love seeing them! Thank you all so much and I hope that everyone has a wonderful day!

[evil-quartett]

Ikemen Flash Exchange part 2

The second part of my story for @iphigeniainaulis

The symptoms started getting stronger. Iphi had learned that a surgery could heal her, but it would erase her memories of the Count. Forgetting all the moments they'd spent together was just impossible. She'd rather die than forget him. Literally. 

When she'd snuck away again from lunch, to cough up flowers, she whole yellow jasmines falling out of her mouth.  It was painful, there was blood on her hands and chest, on the toilet she was sobbing into. She'd reached the second stage.

Except for her, no one knew about the disease. The residents all noticed she was acting weird. After she had asked for some space, they decided to follow her wish and left her alone.

The flowers blooming in her lungs made it harder to breathe. The coughing was getting stronger and stronger and she started coughing out more flowers.

The girl stared down at the deadly boquet of bloodstained jasmines in her hand. Her whole lung was burning. The flower was growing roots in her lung. She was running out of time.

The floor was full of blood. Iphi's once white dress was stained with crimson. In the center of the blood pool on the floor, a single fully crimson jasmine could be found.

A knock on the door broke the silence. In shock the girl remembered that she'd forgotten to lock the door.

"Ma chérie?"

She didn't have the power to sent him away. "Comte..." She was running out of air. The pureblood had felt the aura of death in the mansion and rushed up to his precious guest's room only to find her lying on the floor in a pool of blood, surrounded by bloody flower petals. He began to panic. "What happened? Let me help you! Don't die on me! Not you too!" He saw your body trembling and saw you coughing up a once yellow jasmine. Hanahaki disease! "You have to confess Iphi! Who is it?"

Before she left this world she was going to make peace with her feelings. "It's you..."

"Me?" Her tired eyes lifted to his golden orbs. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He whispered. She was struggling to breathe. "Iphi, I love you too. I'm so sorry you had to go through this pain. I should have realised sooner. I should have helped you, I-" He was cut of by her arm on his. His confession changed something with her. The flower inside disappeared. Her lung stopped hurting.

She could finally breathe again.

[iphisquandary]

Hi Iphis, I hope you're doing well. I'm wondering if you have any advice or warnings or anything about working at a tutoring center? I'm about to graduate with some informal teaching experience & am on the market for education/tutoring/etc jobs. I've seen you post a lot about yours - not sure if you still work there - and would appreciate it tons if you're able to reply!

Yeah, sure! I have a lot of advice I can give about that. I worked at a tutoring center for three years and had a lot of ups and downs from the experience. This is way too long btw because I am a long-winded person by nature.

Positives

1) You don’t have to find your own clients, which CAN lead to more job security

One of the tricky things about being freelance is you have to find all your clients yourself and make a name for yourself and slowly build a client base and positive reputation.The company will do this legwork for you. Emphasis on CAN because at least in the case of the company I worked for, how many hours you get is based on how much students request you, which meant that tutors start out with low hours and gradually build a client base if they’re good at what you do–it’s just easier than doing it on your own

2) It’s a good way to figure out if teaching is right for you

Tutoring one-on-one is less high stakes and overwhelming than throwing yourself in to teaching an entire class at say a private school that doesn’t require a credential. it’s a good way to get a feel for what age group you like best and whether you enjoy teaching or working with kids

3) it’s a good way to get experience

Tutoring gives you opportunities to try your hand at lesson planning and building your skills and it’s something impressive to put on your resume if you want to get into education. During my time at my tutoring job, I mastered teaching grammar, college essays, and school essays. I developed some of my own material and became an expert in teaching certain skills and concepts

4) It’s super flexible

If the company is anything like mine, you pretty much get to choose when you work and how often. Vacation days are easy to snag, as long as you give them notice. Hours can be inconsistent when you’re new, but it’s flexible.

5) The students are amazing

Most of these students are driven to learn–they’re willing to put in extra hours of cram time to get higher grades or test scores or get into a better college. Every once in awhile you’ll meet a dissatisfied kid whose parent is forcing them to be there but mostly, these are kids with parents who are OVERLY invested in their education and that impacts the student. These are bright kids with a lot to offer.

Negatives

1) They’ll probably underpay you

Even though the job likely pays more than a lot of other jobs available to you, considering the specialized work you are doing and the going rate for tutoring, they’ll probably underpay you. Since it was one of my first jobs that paid that much, I thought that was a sweet deal. Now that I have more experience, I know tutors deserve a lot more than these companies pay. It’s especially glaring  because they tend to charge parents about three times more than what they are paying you and tend to have you tutor three students at once. You do the math. Also, I got less than a dollar’s raise during my entire three years there 

2) They will probably undervalue you

The company sees you as a replaceable cog in a machine, even though, if you have experience and have been there a long while, whoever they hire will need to be trained again and won’t know the material or students the way you do. Despite the fact you may be the only reason certain students keep coming back. Despite the fact you might bring something special to the company (I made material for the company, for example). They will never let you know how much you are worth. Because it is a profit-driven, soulless, money-making apparatus 

3) They WILL exploit you

They will drain every extra second of labor from you–even when it hurts the quality of your work. The 3:1 model most of these companies use, which essentially is you tutoring three students one on one  switching between them with completely different material, juggling an impossible level of tasks, reduces the efficacy of your teaching. It took me probably two years to fully master being able to teach well in that model. This means you will likely feel frustrated at your quality of work. Also, they may pressure you into working unpaid hours. My company did that to me for years. They pressured us through various tactics, such as only paying us for the set hours our classes were scheduled and not prep time, only paying a set, puny amount of time for prep, penalizing for going over time, giving you material to read at home unpaid, etc. 

4) Consistent hours are not guaranteed

At tutoring centers, hours correlate with demand–the demand of students for you or your subject specifically, the demand of the company for more labor, and the demand of local students and parents for tutoring in general. Hours can fluctuate by season. Usually at the beginnings and endings of semester, my hours dwindled. At my tutoring center, we got more hours during school vacations, since helicopter parents sent their kids during free time for tutoring. But I had periods of time, especially during my first year or two, where I went without much pay because my hours were reduced during dry periods.

5) There is a questionable moral component to what you are doing

Some of these kids are being pushed to the brink by insanely demanding parents who send their kids in during vacation, when they are sick, when they are burnt out, etc. Sometimes these parents even abuse their kids, but you can’t really do much unless you decide to report it. You may have to teach students with disabilities you are not qualified to work with. You may notice weaknesses and errors in the material at the company. You will also likely not be adequately trained. The 3:1 ratio, lack of training, and your lack of experience means the quality of your work will suffer at times. These companies also use deceptive practices to hook in families and get them to sign exorbitant contracts.Considering all that, there may times you wonder if your students benefit from what you are doing, particularly if they’re doing test prep.

BUT if you are good at and passionate about teaching, you can help students learn and grow despite all that. Ignore the bottom line your boss gives you and the pressures of parents as much as possible. Focus on having fun with students and having them walk away knowing something new they might use. In that way, I think I did more good than harm. Because while the company will do all it can to make you forget this, the tutors are its ONLY valuable resource. Despite the lack of training, experience, and insurmountable tasks we were given, practically every tutor I met cared about their students and did good work. The company model and culture around test prep and cram school is what hurts the kids. Just be aware that while it can be a blast working with students, and  it’s what literally pulled me out of my depression and the reason I am in this teaching program now, the company you work for is evil. For-profit education is a sham. Tutoring the students = awesome. The company = shit.

My biggest pieces of advice

1) Don’t work too long at one of these companies if you can help it - I probably should have left after two years - they do not recognize longevity, seniority or experience and while you can gain really useful experience, it has diminishing returns after a point. pay attention to when you stagnate

2) Don’t get too invested - do your best, but within reason - you can give and give and the company and students will take and take - I worked free hours with students online during crunch time for their college essays, I devoted extra hours to lesson planning, i’d take calls and emails from my boss at all hours, etc - people just keep taking. set boundaries when you can. 

3) Try to make it a side-gig, if possible - with its flexible hours, i actually think this type of job is perfect as a part time gig while you’re in school or on the side with another job - that will prevent you from getting too invested or too exploited or stressed or burnt out or over-relying on the position when hours dwindle

4) Don’t talk to the parents- if your company is anything like mine, the admin side does all the communication with parents and this is one god-send about these companies, you don’t have to deal with these crazy ppl. limit yourself to a quick hello/small talk and even then BE CAREFUL they may try to harangue you

5) Have fun and be you - make the lessons fun for YOU and the student, teach your style - as long as you’re good at what you do and the students like you, they’ll keep coming back. the admin people don’t know shit about education and they will try to tell you how to do your job, but once you hit your stride, be confident and know that you’re the teacher

6) REMEMBER YOUR VALUE - know that this job has a steep learning curve and any initial difficulties you face are not your fault. especially as time goes on, you will be good at what you do despite what anyone says. You are always worth more than how people treat you in that job. Always. 

TL;DR the students are great; at one time they were literally my only reason for being alive, and if you’re new to education you can learn A LOT, and the job is way flexible, but the companies are evil and soul-sucking, so do your best to protect yourself and get what YOU can out of the job enrichment-wise. leave when it’s no longer beneficial to you. 

Sorry that was so long! I hope that was helpful!