#i'm so insane over how much this all felt like setup

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

ted/rebecca season three things that i will simply never recover from -- dare i say, never forgive:

sassy saying ted's puns are terrible and that he's a mess and then later in the same episode rebecca saying she and ted get along because they're both messes and smiling at his terrible pun

ted wanting to hang out with rebecca in amsterdam and then her phone falling into the water and her meeting another man in what was clearly a classic romcom narrative move designed to make us go "nooooo, now rebecca will never know that ted wants to hang out with her in amsterdam!" (wherein boat guy is poised as the temporary obstacle love interest and ted is the endgame love)

rebecca looking at the green soldier from ted and the matchbook together (sidenote: did i hallucinate this or did this actually happen? maybe i hallucinated this. was this fake?)

the biscuit box open behind the matchbook!!!

ted having the green matchbook

"remember to let her into your heart" playing in "hey jude" when rebecca called ted

both of them wearing red in the red string of fate episode

the hallway conversation wherein they both said what the other was thinking and then were both like ?????

rebecca saying "oklahoma." TWICE!

[isaacswhy]

home

isaacwhy x gn!reader (sfw) 1.6k summary: moving to the new house was rough, and you had to stay in a hotel for a few days while the boys moved. once you were settled in, you realized just how much you loved it. requested?: no

It brought you no joy to spend another night in the hotel. Of course, you were thankful that Isaac had paid for your nights staying there, but it was frustrating. You weren't able to sleep at home, with your boyfriend, like you usually were. But, you understood that he was just trying to keep you from going insane from how the other guys acted while they moved. It wasn't his first rodeo doing it.

No matter what, though, you still had to swipe your key card and drop your bag in the hotel as you always had. Isaac spent the first night with you, but had to stay the rest of the nights at the new house while they were moving in. The two of you learned the hard way that when Isaac wasn't around while the grown-up toddlers were moving their belongings, they'd be on the verge of burning the place down all the time.

At the very least, you got to call him. You took your shoes off, doing a quick switch into some pajama pants and walked over to your bed. That was the good part of the hotel, the phenomenal bedding. Isaac really shelled out for your comfort. You fished your phone from your pocket and opened Isaac's contact, pressing the little "FaceTime" button.

The line rang for a few seconds, allowing you to adjust how you looked in the camera before he picked up. Your image shrank into the corner as his face came into full view, beaming and bright. You couldn't help the smile on your face when you saw his big, toothy grin.

"Hi baby!" Isaac half-shouted as you watched him fall back on his bed, his curls spreading onto the blanket.

You waved to the camera. "Hi Isaac! How was the day today? Any good news for me?"

"Today was good!" Isaac sat up and looked down at the camera, "I should be able to have us fully settled by tomorrow. Hopefully, you can spend the night then."

You grinned a little bit at the prospect. You'd missed his strong arms wrapped around you. "That's great! I'll keep my phone on me and probably go out for a little shopping trip in the new city, so just give me a call whenever you think the place is ready."

"Sounds like a plan," He said, "I've been setting up our room, actually. Do you want to see now?"

"No, no, leave it a surprise for tomorrow night." With the house being a little bigger than the last one, somehow, the two of you were sharing a room and Isaac's setup would be in an office room connected to it. Although, you shared a room in the last house, but it was essentially just moving into Isaac's space and tossing your own clothes in his closet.

Things wrapped up easily that night, the two of you talking for a little too long until Isaac had to cut off the call. It was getting late, and he needed the energy for tomorrow. When you finally hung up, you tucked into bed, only Isaac filling your thoughts as you drifted off.

You awoke to the sunlight peering through the curtains the next morning. Grabbing your phone, you saw no news from Isaac and got up for the day.

It was pretty uneventful, other than picking up a few new pieces of clothes and a pair of shoes for Isaac. He was a bit of a nut about his shoe game, and you recognized the pair as one he'd been keeping his eye out for online. Luckily, they had a pair in his size. Shoe shopping for a man so tall was a nightmare sometimes.

You were just getting out of the line with your new items when you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket. Grabbing it showed Isaac's contact and a phone call, so you picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey! I was just letting you know it should be good to come down whenever," Isaac sounded a little out of breath, "Just finished unpacking the last of our stuff. Had to carry Tanner's desk into his room so he could set up his computer. Anyways, if you want to pack up your stuff in the hotel and come down, I'm ready for you!"

A big grin spread across your face. "That's amazing! I'll be headed down soon. Just finishing up a trip to the mall, but I'm gonna head to the hotel right away. I'll pack up my shit and get down to you in a minute, okay?"

"Okay! I love you!"

Your heart warmed a little bit. "I love you too, Isaac, bye."

You were practically sprinting back to the hotel. Once you got inside, you were glad not to have unpacked everything yet. The rest of your clothes and other personal belongings you had with you were packed up quickly into your bags. The car Isaac had rented for you waited for you in the parking garage, where you tossed your things in there. From there, you hit the road.

The drive wasn't too long, but they'd chosen a location far enough from downtown to give themselves privacy. You didn't mind the drive, though, since it was just building excitement to see your boyfriend for the first time in a few days.

You finally pulled into the driveway and walked up to the front door, using your key to get inside. The place was beautiful. Clean, more modern look but with a touch of the luxury that came with a house of this size and price. Of course, in a few weeks, it'd look more like a bomb went off in here. But for the time being, it looked great.

Nick poked his head out from the kitchen and waved at you. "Hey! You finally made it!"

You nodded and waved back, smiling. "Yeah! Isaac thought it'd be best if I wasn't in your guys' path of destruction while you all got moved in. Since I hadn't brought a lot to the last house, anyways, I'm just the last piece of the puzzle."

"That.. makes sense, actually," Nick laughed to himself, "Well, welcome home! ISAAC! GET DOWN HERE!"

You flinched a bit at Nick's sudden yelling, but you heard thundering footsteps as suddenly, your boyfriend ran down the stairs and towards you. You practically leapt into his arms, feeling him pick you up and spin you around.

"You're home!" Isaac was practically squealing into your shirt as he finally put you down, "Do you like it?"

When you saw him like this, he really looked like an oversized puppy. "I love it! The place looks so nice! For now.."

"I'll do my best to make sure they don't rip it to shreds like the last house.." Isaac nervously chuckled, "Come on! Let me show you the room!"

You took Isaac's oversized hand as you followed him up the stairs, leading you through a hallway or two before he opened a door. He led you inside, and you were met with beauty. It was simple, clean, and everything you liked. There was so much personality, the shelves and tables lined with little trinkets, figures, and other pieces of things that you both liked.

You walked over to one of the shelves, smirking. "Did you get me a Jujutsu Kaisen figure?"

"Only because I thought you were really into it," He said with a shy smile, "Did I get it right?"

You nodded and smiled. It was your favorite character from the show, after all. He'd been a good listener after forcing you to watch it with him. "You did, don't worry. This room is amazing, should we go get my bags?"

Isaac lit up a bit. "Oh, right! I'll go get them, maybe get Nick to grab one. You don't worry about any of that, stay here and get yourself acquainted! Look around!"

Before you could protest, he was out of the room and you heard his footsteps down the hallway. You decided to do as he suggested, looking through everything he had set up in your room. You tested out the bed, which was as soft and comforting as you'd loved.

You walked into the office room connected to the bedroom, smiling at his setup and looking over to see a second setup. Before you'd moved, you had another setup that decided to short out during the hot summer heat. When you needed to play something, you often just used Isaac's or bullied Nick when Isaac was busy.

But, there was a second setup, next to Isaac's. It was your favorite color, with some figures and little items from your favorite shows decorating the desk, and a beautiful keyboard and mouse. You approached it, running your hand over the keys and pressing a few. The sound was off the charts.

"You like it?"

You turned around and saw Isaac standing at the door, with a grin on his face. "It's perfect. Was this the real reason you didn't want me here when you were moving in? So you could build all of this?"

Isaac shrugged his shoulders. "Maaaybe."

You sighed and shook your head. "You didn't have to do all this for me," You said with a sigh, but you walked up to him and smiled, "Thank you."

"Of course I have to, I'm your boyfriend," Isaac's voice made you weak in the knees a little bit. When he spoke so softly as he pulled you into a tight hug, his voice warmed your body like nothing else could.

With Isaac's arms wrapped around you like they were, you were able to take in his scent and sit there in the peace in quiet. It felt like pure comfort to you. It felt like home.

[silviakundera]

DRAMA REC: So I feel like any real review of Thai drama Moonlight Chicken is hard without heavy spoilers because honestly I don't know how to talk about what makes me passionate about it without discussing all the character relevations that occur over the course of its 8 episodes. I'll try to be generic as much as I can.

The thing about why it's hard to discuss without spoilers is that the characters and their full baggage are revealed slowly episode by episode, because like in real life you often learn about new friends & love interests slowly as intimacy deepens...

But from what I can see online, it's very subjective for viewers - depends on the person if they find these themes and personal challenges compelling or not. This doesn't fit with the typical "BL asian drama" format.

My personal viewing stake: There's an otp that has TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN. I have been searching for this energy ever since finishing Lighter & Princess. Gotta confess that I couldn't care less about the second couple who are teenagers. Apparently MDL and a lot of tumblr only liked the teen couple (valid!), but I just skipped over them mostly because when my brain locks in on Real Adults with Adult Problems I often cease to connect to high school student storylines. But the age gap couple with a 39 year old character who is FEELING his age... Jim & Wen. I've watched all 8 episodes now and they are like cocaine to me.

Ep 1 setup: We're not in Bangkok! (gasp) Jim is almost-40 and runs a late night diner in the less upscale part of town. Wen, about 10 years younger, is drunk at his diner as he's trying to close for the night. They pick up on the unspoken signals, instant electric connection, and end up wandering back to Jim's place and having what looks like fantastic sex together (without exchanging names).

But then after that first night, in the remaining 7 ep of the show you get a slowburn build up from zero as Jim doesn't want a relationship - with anyone. This is truly, sincerely a 'it's not you, it's me" situation. He is mired in baggage and the angst is SO DELICIOUS to me. Angst and soft hand touches and late night conversation. There's YEARNING. SO MUCH YEARNING.

And then my darling Wen! Who brings almost the same energy as the Lighter and Princess FL. @dangermousie I never thought I'd see this irrepressible determination and tender, good humored patience again! He is deeply sure that there is something special here with Jim and is unrelenting about trying to scale Jim's walls. I know that sounds like psychotic SML material lmao but it's all about the tone and context. It's very clear that Jim is allowing Wen in his life and doesn't, deep down, want Wen to give up on him. He's damaged and scared but I always felt he wants Wen to be right - that they are falling in love and can build something real together. He just can't make himself take that step. I mean, in their 2nd meeting he is EQUALLY INSANE to agree that it's v normal and hinged behavior to let his 1 night stand start randomly showing up to work shifts at his diner as 'temp staff' he can't afford to pay because... um. Basically to stalk him? idk I don't think it's stalking when u have a mutual agreement?? 🤔

Wen falling deeper into Jim and KNOWING the feeling is mutual no matter how many times he's (so gently!) pushed back... can be sooooo personal. 😭😭😭 The vibes of this "we're Not Together��" but it's inevitable, I'm just waiting for the timing to be right... reminiscent of the last 10 episodes of Lighter & Princess. This building intimacy and tenderness that stretches on until as a viewer you feel like... They ARE in love, they're together but just without the sex. They just have to stabilize their lives first before committing whole-heartedly. THE BITTERSWEET PINGING. (screams)

One thing I've observed is many people seem to struggle to connect with Jim's character. The closest thing we have to a protagonist (?) Maybe. Anyway, I suspect it might be a generational thing. I found the drama incredibly compelling, but I grew up queer in the 80s and 90s. I'm well into my 40s, a bit older than Jim, but I think the generational queer experience overlaps pretty well considering the sociopolitical differences btw us/thailand.

The screenwriter is an older out gay man, so I presume that's also a factor in how he did a pitch-perfect depiction of Jim's struggles to find home.

Wen has his own baggage that feels very real and raw. I loved his storyline because I could personally relate to it also from my queer relationship experience.

I've blabbered on here before about how I feel like there's something different about queer stories being told to other queers, not targeted to straight viewers primarily - I'm not saying it's better than the big brands and popular international media including lgbt rep. It's just different imo and I do think it's valuable. I want to see stories about the complexities of the experience & about the gay community that can't just be mapped to straight people. Where the story would not feel the same if you flipped the sexualities. That's what Midnight Chicken was to me: the characters of Jim and Wen and their personal development & slow love story together felt very queer and the age gap was a relevant part of this. And that called to me. I could recognize parts of myself in them and my personal experiences as a gay woman.

I was impressed by the writing. Strong acting. The directing of individual scenes is excellent BUT the 1 big flaw is the editing. Very amateur, super abrupt scene changes! Just jarring. But whatever, I've seen some terrible editing in cdramas too. Also note the storytelling tactic is to show a series of meaningful moments & interactions over like 6-8 months of time. Events progress in ways we don't always see and it's not always spelled out to the audience, everything that happened since we last saw them. That may or may not work for the viewer.

[Plus there's a very sweet & wholesome teen love story that also gets a happy ending, if you're into that. One of the teens is deaf and there's no "cure the disability" nonsense, don't worry. I was adult-focused but I did appreciate the complicated family relationship subplot with Jim trying to caretake his nephew and their relationship to the mostly-absent sister.]

ok so now into spoiler territory. Letting the relevations come out organically would be a much better viewing experience BUT...

SPOILERS ON JIM & WEN BACKSTORY

Jim's whole deal is he had a big love in his late 20s-early 30s that fucked him up good. He grew up being told gay love isn't real, leaves his rural farming town with his sister in their teens, disconnected from his family... But even his sister, who loves him, had the perspective that it's Just A Phase. Jim expects to Prove Them Wrong. Then his boyfriend cheats on him.... With a woman. Activate that generation's internalized homophobia and self-doubt. And then before he gets to truly confront his partner, his partner dies in an accident. So he never gets resolution.

And he's stuck under a mountain of debt, on the edge of poverty because he didn't get any of the guy's assets when he died of course. No rights under Thai law. Partner's family takes it all but the old car & the cat. All he has is the small chicken rice shop they had bought and ran together and it's killing him, he both hates and loves it. He's this amazing member of the local community but doesn't see himself and his own worth clearly.

Wen is working through the guilt of falling out of love from his 1st gay relationship that lasted 5 years of his 20s. Broken up but still living together. Trying to stay in each other's lives (I've seen this a lot, because in small gay communities you don't just cut ties with good people you care about). But living together is toxic for both of them, despite the real care that's there.

He also feels disconnected from a community at the start. He has work collegues, all straight friends, and his now-ex boyfriend. But you get the subtle sense that his local ties are all with the boyfriend Alan's family and mutual friends with Alan who don't all know about the breakup yet and he doesn't know how to interface with them anymore now that he and Alan aren't the same. He's the one who fell out of love, so he's "the bad guy" here and the straight friend he tries to talk to about trying to co-habititate with his ex and stay close friends doesn't really get it, because that's just way more typical behavior for older generation queers - it's notable that when the situation is fully explained to Jim, he doesn't seem to find it bizarre at all (as said, I've gone through that myself, and known friends in that situation; found that subplot to be very well done.) (I read that many viewers were disappointed this wasn't a standard infidelity situation where Wen is just regular cheating on Alan, but I have to say that I feel the opposite. The subplot and how it played out felt very relatable to me. I didn't need a cheating angst plotline in this drama that could be transplanted into a straight drama. I wanted more stories that represented my lived experience as an adult lesbian, and Wen's narrative gave me that.)

Wen keeps searching for a home even while living with Alan and having loved him in the past. Which to me was a sign that he'd moved to this smaller city, living in Alan's condo and in Alan's life with Alan's extended family... He started eating beef because Alan did and following along. He doesn't know where HE feels at home, what Wen needs to be comfortable and happy. When he more & more starts to believe he can make this home with Jim, he's determined to make it happen.

[whumping-valentine]

🦌 Fawn and Hunter - Part 3 🦌

"Restless Nights"

Content: Paranoid whumpee, fear of being SAed, uhhh idk this is mostly setup for the next chapter which will be much more whumpy.

1,100 words

(Not) continuing on with my part-a-day challenge (to the fullest) but I'll try to get a part out on the regular! Congrats, you now know what I'm like as a content creator! Rule of thumb, if I ever say "I'll try to—" or "I will be—" you can count on me to never deliver!

However, in my own defense, I've been working my job a shit ton recently, and am also working on a 12 book series, and also working on the series for Valentine that I'll be posting here, and drawing a lot, so I'm pretty busy, lol. But as always, excuse my writing quality for this mini series, I just shit these out into Google Docs and then copy and paste them here.

With that said, I humbly bring you all part 3! The next part is where the whump is really gonna start coming through, so stay tuned for that (and the eventual off-the-rails plot I thought of at 3 am while trying to sleep)

       Fawn was in a state of shock, and they knew it, too. They didn’t feel very much besides the anxiety that coursed through their veins. They should be frightened, and feel disgusted. They should be crying, and panicking, and trying to find a way out. Yet all they could do was sit up right on the old dirty mattress, hugging their knees to their chest as they stared into the pitch black darkness of Hunter’s basement.

       Eventually they fell back against the mattress, hands over their chest as their heart beat wildly, yet they felt nothing. Not even tired. Sleep was nowhere near on their mind. All they could think about was their own stupidity. How they managed to walk right into a psychopath’s literal trap. Thoughts of the future wavered through their mind, and none of the scenarios were favorable.

       Were they going to be killed? No, Hunter alluded to it, but said they were too pretty, whatever the hell that means. Was that really the only thing keeping them alive? What if they accidentally piss them off? What if they grow bored of them? But… What do they even want with them in the first place? Something nice to look at? A pretty pet? Where they going to be raped? They didn’t even want to consider the thought.

       Fawn couldn’t hear a single sound other than the sound of their own breathing and heartbeat. They couldn't even see their own hands in front of them. There were no windows, no connections to the outside world. It was sensory deprived hell, and as the minutes ticked away they felt like they were going insane.

       They couldn’t take it anymore, and sat up, slowly getting up to stand on their one good foot. They wobbled and felt weak, but once they got their footing they slowly hopped to where they saw the light string. Reaching out blindly in the darkness, they felt it in their hands, and pulled it. A click rang through the air, and the basement was illuminated, albeit dimly, but they could at least see.

       The basement was full of all kinds of clutter, like tools, weapons, boxes, taxidermied animals, bones, fur rugs, and mounted animal heads. There were a bunch of spiders, cobwebs, and cockroaches scurrying around. Good thing they weren't afraid of bugs. At least they had some company.

       The mattress was torn and covered in blood and dirt. Lots of dried blood, actually. How many others were here before them? How many others spent their last nights on this same, tattered bed? It all felt too surreal. It couldn't be real. This was a horror movie, or a true crime documentary in the making, and they were the next subject. Why them of all people? Life isn't fair.

They began to carefully and quietly sift through the various things Hunter kept down there. Looking through the boxes, opening drawers, peeking behind furniture. Inside a metal cabinet were multiple folders and papers. The papers being....

       ...Missing posters?

First came confusion, then came the wide eyed terror and the sinking of their heart. In shock their shaking hands dropped the papers, and when they got their bearings, picked them back up, examining them.

       There were some from different places, but most of them came from the same nearby town that Fawn had just moved to. They could recall seeing some of them around town, or in newspaper ads. Even conversations with the locals about how people often go missing... The oldest one of the bunch was ten years ago. The most recent was only from 6 months ago.

       Fawn felt sick to their stomach. Asking how many people were here before them was supposed to just be rhetorical.

       Fawn grabbed a knife that was sitting on one of the tables, and turned out the lights. It was old and rusted, but just having a weapon in their hands at least gave them the illusion of safety. They clutched it tightly in both of their hands, sitting on the mattress. They were restless and anxious, with their wide eyes staring towards the door in darkness. They could hear the floorboards creak above them, and they hoped and prayed Hunter wouldn't come back down the stairs.

       Especially if they thought they were asleep.

       Though much like Fawn, Hunter wasn't able to rest their eyes, either. However, while Fawn's may have been from fear, Hunter was far too excited. They tossed and turned, but all they could think about was their latest victim. When they remembered they had a bag with them that they removed, they jumped out of bed immediately.

       Moonlight was shining through the trees, seeping into the decrepit cabin through cracked and boarded up windows. Hunter went to the kitchen and picked Fawn's bag up off of the floor, curious to rummage through their things.

       It was filled with snacks and water bottles. There was a change of clothes, a pocket knife, a book on plant identification, binoculars, and finally, they hit the jackpot. A phone with no passcode! Just who was their little Fawn, really?

       Their lockscreen was a photo of two cats cuddling, looking like they took it themself at a shelter. Much to Hunter's dismay, it didn't seem like they had any social medias, but they did have lots of things in their gallery!… though they were mostly just photos of animals. They couldn't find a real name or anything that was truly personal.

       It wouldn't matter much even if they did have socials, because there was no signal out here. It wouldn't connect to the internet. Maybe they had something in their calendar?... no, nothing. No birthdays or events, except for some things relating to the Animal shelter. 

       Their phone was so void of anything that it was almost frustrating. Either they didn't use technology much, or they had absolutely nothing going on in their life besides their volunteer work. I mean, they didn't even have a passcode, Hunter was disappointed, to say the least.

      A weak knock coming from the basement door startled them out of their dissatisfaction.

      "Uhh… Hunter?" A meek, muffled voice called.

      "What?"

       "I… have to pee."

      "Okay."

      "I need a bathroom."

       "No you don't. You have a change of clothes right here, you can change in the morning."

       "What?!" Fawn was appalled, "But—"

       "You should be happy you're alive and shut up. Piss on the floor and go to bed."

       "But—"

       "Piss on the floor and go to bed." Hunter repeated, much more stern. It was silent for a moment before quiet thumps could be heard limping down the stairs. Poor injured thing.

       Hunter had a feeling this recent capture was going to be quite an interesting one. They listen well enough, but don't seem to really grasp the situation they've found themself in. It wasn't a worry, that just meant training them was going to be all the more enjoyable.

       Hunter smiled.

       They were going to have fun tomorrow.

[craby-bouquet]

Boo Seungkwan : 28 + 32

Warm Winters

Boo Seungkwan x Reader

Fluff

710 words

masterlist | Warm Winters masterlist | warm winters promptlist

Requested by Anon

28 "I think I'm in love with you." + 32 "Your feet are so cold!"

"Are you warm enough now?" Your boyfriend Seungkwan asked. He tucked you in a blanket about 10 minutes ago because he was convinced you were cold. He was right, of course. You'd come to his apartment while a storm was going on outside and, god, had you been cold when you arrived at his place. You didn't want to ask for a blanket though, afraid to be a burden. You hadn't been dating that long and you didn't want to seem needy.

"I am. Thank you." You smiled lovingly at him. 

He nodded to confirm and then turned back to the television screen. You were watching a movie, you weren't sure which because you hadn't paid much attention to it. Some sort of musical. Seungkwan seemed to enjoy it and you were sure you would too, if your head hadn't been so full with… well, your feelings.

You'd figured out that what you felt for Seungkwan wasn't just "liking him" anymore. Sure, you were dating, but was that it? Would he want it to be more if you asked? 

He took a hand of popcorn from the bowl between you and shoved it all in his mouth at once, making you chuckle fondly. He didn't notice. 

"Oh look, that's what I was talking about. The range of that woman is insane. What a great belt." 

You made a sound in agreement, "That was amazing, she's a great singer." 

Seungkwan turned his head back to you, a big smile on his face while nodding, "She really is. She's my favorite actor ever. Not only are her acting skills amazing, her singing is flawless."

You laughed, "I hear I've got competition."

You sort of regretted that the moment the words left your mouth. Was that weird? Too much too soon? He laughed at your joke so that must mean it wasn't too much. He liked it at least. 

You watched the movie in silence for a while, watching while both of you ate from the popcorn. It wasn't awkward, it felt more like you both enjoyed each other's company. The silence between you was comforting in a way. 

Still, the feeling was gnawing at you. You had promised yourself you would tell him how you felt tonight. And even though you still had plenty of time, it felt like you had to hurry.

"Hey, are you doing alright?" Seungkwan asked after a while, the bowl was almost empty.

This was the perfect setup, you had to take this opportunity. You straightened up, picked up the bowl and put it on the table and then looked him straight in his eyes. They stood worried, making you feel all fuzzy. Warm fuzzy, good fuzzy. He really cared about you.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Alright…" He grabbed the remote and paused the film, "Shoot." 

"Right, well… I, um." You hadn't thought this far ahead, "Well I've really enjoyed our time together," you realized that this sounded like you,were breaking up with him, "And I don't want that to end."

Seungkwan frowned, "Me neither. I really, really like you."

"Good, good. I just wanted to say that I think I'm in love with you. And it's fine if you don't feel the same, I just wanted to let you know." 

His frown turned into a smile, then into a laugh filled with happiness, "Well, I definitely am in love with you."

You felt the blood rush to your cheeks in record time.

Seungkwan moved closer to you, stopping mere inches from your face, "Can I kiss you?" He whispered.

You couldn't breathe, so you just nodded. Softly, his lips touched yours, and you lost yourself. Your arms were wrapped around him in no-time, pulling him in closer. He happily agreed, his one hand in your hair, the other gently caressing your cheek. Before you knew it you were laying on the couch, no longer sitting on it, and suddenly the blanket between you was too warm. With one hand you pulled the blanket from in-between you and threw it over him, so you could share it. 

Suddenly he pulled away, "Your feet are so cold!" He laughed.

You couldn't do anything but laugh, "Well, I don't feel cold at all anymore."

masterlist | Warm Winters masterlist | Warm Winters promptlist

[baravaggio]

Hello Mx. Bara! So, I desperately need some topping advice! My bf and I are starting to get into pegging and honestly, it's been nothing but insanely awkward. I'm so disappointed, I was looking forward to it and it's felt impossible to get in the zone and feel like I'm connected to him (and to myself). I want to keep trying but I don't know how to proceed. Any tips? 😣

Heya! Thanks for giving some additional context, all that info is really helpful! 🫶

First, I just want to say that I totally understand where you're coming from, it's a new role you are trying to lean into and that's not usually an easy thing! You're probably simultaneously feeling pressure to satisfy him, to get your own pleasure out of it, and to maintain those feelings of intimacy and connection without the same physical sensation you get from using your own equipment. It's a lot to be processing in the moment when you are new to it and are also having to concentrate on getting the physical mechanics of pegging down.

I definitely didn't always used to find it was an activity that I got a lot of enjoyment out of, and I often felt a bit guilty for not liking it as much as I wanted to - I had definitely built it up in my mind as this thing that would automatically make me feel super connected to my partner, and that wasn't my experience at all. I wish I could tell you that it just comes with practice! That's a part of it, but it also requires a shift in mentality and expectations around what getting pleasure from topping is going to look like for you.

First let's address the big one - lack of physical sensation. It makes everything a little more difficult! You have less control over the motion of the toy, you aren't able to get much tactile feedback from your partner's muscles, and the physical pleasure you're getting out penetrating him is limited. It can really be strange and disorienting to feel that disconnected from your partner while doing something so intimate with them.

My biggest tip for creating that connection would be to explore your partner's body in a way that allows you to create sense memories of what it's like to get really intimate with that part of his body. You don't have a cock, but you have fingers, lips, a tongue, and a nose, and they're all packed with nerve endings. So much of the enjoyment we get out of sex is psychological...you probably have memories of the way your partner feels, tastes, smells, etc. that work together to create your desire for him, at least on a subconscious level. For me, the best thing about topping is when I can transpose those pleasurable sense memories onto the experience I'm having using the strap-on. As I guide the toy in, I remember how my partner's heat and the flex of their muscles feels around my fingers, and the act paired with that memory is both a physical and mental turn on. It's a conscious thing at the start that hopefully becomes more automatic as you get more practiced with it.

If direct sensation helps you feel more connected, you can do other things like slip a bullet vibe into your harness, attach a grinder to the base of the dildo, or wear a plug while you fuck him. The later is a great option if you're a fan of penetration + pressure. This is my go-to because it makes me really feel each thrust internally, it lets me feel a more pleasure in my entire pelvic region and enhances the feeling that this pleasure is directly linked to the act of me fucking them.

You also mentioned that the presence of a dick you can't feel but that's attached to you is something that's taking you out of your body. I'd suggest 1) playing with changing your harness/toy/position setup, 2) asking for vocal and enthusiastic feedback if you're not getting it already, and 3) potentially shifting your mentality around what it means to be wearing a strap on. Re: #1, I've heard some cis women say that they find it disorienting to wear one that looks like an actual cock, and they have a much better experience with something less realistic. Some prefer a more minimal harness setup to maximize the skin-to-skin contact. Try positions that allow for more touch/eye contact if you haven't already.

Re: #2, your partner should understand that you will get a lot of pleasure out of knowing that he's enjoying it, and that it's on him to express that enjoyment to you! A lot of straight guys don't realize that women want to hear them be vocal during sex lol, make sure he knows not just that you want it, but that you need it to feel connected to him and enjoy yourself.

Re: #3, it also might help to think of it less as a thing you're attaching to yourself to act as "your dick" and more as just a toy/tool that you're using in a particular way. You don't have to act as though it's a part of your body if you don't want to, it's not necessary to have fun or get a lot of satisfaction out of it! Personally, it helps me a lot to focus on what else my body is doing for the interaction - providing pressure, warmth, friction, and different sensations depending on the type of hip movements I'm making. The toy is just a small part of that. You're the one wearing it, so try to avoid tricking yourself into thinking that it's wearing you!

Finally, a big part of exploring what's going to make this pleasurable for you on an emotional level is identifying what you want out of topping...how do you want to feel, how do you want him to feel? Who do you want to be? (I'm focusing on you here deliberately, but of course make sure that he's on board too, it's just as important for him to know and be clear on what he wants and needs)

Personally, I think that we have many sexual selves within us, and there are some dynamics that we only might tap into when we lean into certain roles or are with certain people. You didn't specify in your asks, but I even if you're not into dom/sub stuff, I think there's still a lot to be learned from that world about what it can mean and look like to work together to get what you both want out of new sex acts. Maybe you want to be dominant, maybe you want the thrill of having him take charge from underneath you, maybe you want it rough or sensual or lazy or frenzied. Maybe you want to create a space where he submits to you entirely, where he's defiant and bratty, or where he feels compelled to clip on top, embrace, and act out his wildness or femininity. Broadly speaking, I find that I get the most out of it when I lean into a masculine gender & sexual headspace and my focus is on doing what will make my partner feel uninhibited and gorgeous and act on it (we love a confident bottom here). These are just examples, you don't have to overthink it, but knowing what you want can help keep you in the headspace you need to be in to let pleasure lead you instead of nervousness.

Beyond that, practice, play, have fun! Remember that people born with dicks also aren't automatically skilled at using them in a way that feels mutually pleasurable and intimate lol, you'll gain more confidence through plenty of experience and communication. Make sure he's giving you plenty of feedback, it's just as important that he's engaged in the process of creating a positive experience.

I hope this helps a little bit! Take care and have fun! 🍑

[alexzalben]

what gripes did you have with the second half of YOU? i’m almost done with it now

Lots of them, but the main one is that the twist did not work for me, at all. I get what they were aiming for, but (I'm being vague for anyone who hasn't seen it yet) I don't think it was executed well, or makes particularly sense given what we know about Joe's character going into this season. It stretched the credulity of the show, and even the folks behind the scenes copped to the fact that they weren't aiming for a realistic execution of that, er, diagnosis. Which made it vaguer, and imo, worse.

BIGGER SPOILERS PAST THIS POINT

Other complaints:

Kate's character was all over the place. Charlotte Ritchie did her best, but it was like she was playing at least three different people.

After spending so much time talking about how Greg Kinnear was basically an unstoppable god, he was pretty easily stoppable.

Marienne's "we can't go to the police" thing was such an insane excuse it nearly broke the show for me. And Nadia going along with it, even more so.

Frankly, I liked the first half of the season, I thought it was a refreshing change to the show; and the setup of "what does Joe do when he meets an even worse Joe?" was interesting, and really blew up the scope of the world. The second half brought it back to YOU-land, and was smaller for it. And, nowhere near as interesting.

What was even going on with Lady Phoebe? That story was all over the place, too.

Too many side characters who barely showed up, and when they did weren't fleshed out enough to be interesting or worth the screen space spent on them.

Short version: it felt like they backed off from a set-up that really challenged how the show works, and instead relied on tired mental health tropes, as well as the structures of previous seasons in the second half.

That said, they have a great set-up for a final season, if they will actually go there... I'm not confident, because every season of YOU has whiffed it right at the end. But doing an American Psycho/Succession season back where it all started, with - potentially - surviving characters (Jenna Ortega, Tati Gabrielle, etc) going all Endgame on Joe, would be great to watch. I'm frustrated with this second half, but for now I'll definitely still watch the show.

[peppertaemint]

I don't know if you've seen the new pic Kibum posted, but if you're online I'm sure you've seen the drama about it now...

I don't get it though, usually Key will say himself when he posts something if it shouldn't be shared, so I wonder if even he didn't see a problem with it at first? Why is one picture such a problem? Is Taemin not allowed to exist in public while enlisted?

This isn't a dig at Baekhyun cause I'm glad he was able to do these things, but didn't he have youtube videos coming out while enlisted? And I know he was all over his verified twitter all the time? How is just one picture different than that? Is it cause of the platform? Even though its not Taemin's bubble and he makes no money from it? Would their be so much drama if it had been posted to instastories?

I saw people saying there were articles, but there were articles written when Taemin went to Keys show?

I dunno where I'm getting with this, other than enlistment is confusing, I hope Key and Taemin in particular are okay, and I can't wait for this overlong awful enlistment to be over...

Hi Anon.

I have Bubble so I received the scolding directly via text! That was a shocker, lol. I'll give you my unvarnished opinion on this but as a warning, I'm going to be brutally honest about all of it. You're asking completely legit questions here.

The situation is nuanced, and I think for a lot of fans just the idea that they did something Kibum didn't like and felt the need to tell everyone off about was enough to either upset them or make them scared and 'fall in line." I deleted the posts I made and then I reflected because I never share Bubble content. But this time I made an exception — why did I do that? Because EVERYONE did.

So this is my opinion (don't take it as gospel because I have no access to anyone's thoughts). I think Key misjudged the reaction to that photo and how berserk everyone would go. He sees Taemin all the time; we haven't seen his entire face since his birthday in 2022 (lol). And, we've had virtually no communication from him in almost two years. "We" went nuts. Can anyone blame us? No. But Bubble is a paid service, and Kibum always reminds us not to share his shit. I never share anyone's shit publicly anyhow, but again it was ubiquitous, so I joined in. See the problem?

He had every right to get mad and remind of his boundaries and Bubble policy (there are financial penalties you can face for sharing stuff too btw). I also think he probably felt remorse over sending it in the first place since he likely misjudged what would happen. Is it all about breaking Bubble policy? No. And I don't think it's all about him being annoyed at fans breaking his trust either.

Baekhyun did have a personal YouTube account that he setup himself to use to communicate with fans during enlistment. It's my understanding he did this as a way to keep in touch without it having any links to promo/work. But, do you remember how he had to delete it all, and then he came online to tell us it's okay etc? I think that SM caught wind of extra scrutiny on people doing civil service enlistment, and it was a precaution. I also think this is why they've cooled it on Taemari, and it could be one of many reasons why Taemin stopped doing any posts at all. I'm not saying it's THE reason, but I think it's likely a factor.

There is a lot of criticism of celebrities who do civil service enlistment, and that criticism was present before the investigation involving Ravi and others came to light. People have been criticizing the option for years, saying it's how celebrities get out of doing "actual" service (let's put aside arguments about why that's wrong/insane, etc). Instead, put yourself in Taemin's shoes. He started service one way and is finishing it another. Wouldn't you want to avoid public ire and scrutiny over how you're spending your time in enlistment, ie. "living it up" etc. In my opinion, that's the worry over the photo being everywhere and now in news articles.

Why is the concert different? He went with Lee Soo-Man on the non-Beyond Live day as a private citizen, he kept his face covered the entire time—he even dressed low key. I have the same shirt that he wore (lol, imagine my surprise) except it's the branded version. He wore the non-branded version. Though he did have a Prada bag so maybe my argument falls apart but it wasn't like, in your face, was it? Anyhow, I hope you'll see my point. When he went to that soccer game, Jimin and Sungwoon were also there but they were in a fancy box. He did not sit in the box - he was just with the regulars in the stands. It wouldn't look so good to be in a fancy private box when you're supposed to be serving in the military, would it?

When Minho served, whenever he called Taemin he said he could never show his face. He was allowed to call him on VLives (or comment, lol) but he said specifically he can't show his face. They even argued about it. To bring this full circle, Bubble is a paid promotional, parasocial service. Even though for Kibum, sharing the photo is "private," it's still part of his work as an idol. So technically Taemin was in paid content. Is it a big deal? I really don't think it is (also is he definitely not discharged already?! o.O) so no one should feel sad or bad or whatever. Next time anyone shares anything on Bubble, I know it won't get shared. That's just how the fans roll. There's a level of respect here that is a breath of fresh air tbh.

Why is Baekhyun on Twitter whenever he wants but we don't hear from Taemin often? Personal choice. And that's a choice to be respected. It's not our business unless he chooses to share. Existential perspectives aside, we're part of "work" and the man is not in work nor getting paid for it right now, so he doesn't need to do shit. lol.

[pbandjesse]

We just got a phone call from our insurance that they may have actually approved medication. So that's exciting. Could have come yesterday when it would have been helpful because now I have to have a virtual visit tomorrow. But at least there's progress. And I'll have my visit tomorrow and we'll figure everything out and go over the accident blood work I'm assuming too.

Today was very stressful and honestly I want to put it out of my mind. I didn't sleep great last night but that's okay. It wasn't horrible sleep it just wasn't great. I woke up and didn't feel 100% but I was looking forward to doing needles with the kids and teaching them to sell. James drove me to work and I liked my outfit a lot. I was feeling pretty good.

I got a little frustrated when we got to the McDonald's because James wasn't pulling up and they were like I'm trying not to block the driveway and I'm like you are letting more than a car length in front of you someone's going to pull in front of you and then they didn't speak up and order the thing that we normally order so it was $3 more expensive for no reason. And so I was just a little upset. But it's fine. James would drop me off and go home to wrap presents and I went to go set things up.

I found that they had mostly already gotten the garment left setup and so I went and thread a couple more needles and it's all good. I was a little annoyed that some of them were tangled but it didn't actually matter. I went back to the break room and chatted with everyone. And had my breakfast and things were good.

Then the other school was very early, and my school ended up being late. And that was only a problem because we had a ton of overlapping tours today thought we had to figure out. It didn't affect me but I was aware of it.

I hope to get some kids off the bus and then waited for my group to come. And when they did they were much taller than I was expecting for 8th graders. And the kids on the individual basis were great. The kids does a group or a nightmare. The teacher that was the lead seem to have no control over anybody at all. And at first everything seemed fine. We had some trouble getting them grouped but it was okay. And I went with Jack back to the garment loft to get started.

And while they were a little chatty they were really nice. A lot of yes ma'am Thank you ma'am. And Jack's intro was great and I had a really nice time helping themselves. And it was a lot less of them than we expected so we were able to actually have them do both jobs and everyone seemed to really enjoy that. We made lots of pockets and we did lots of sewing and it was great.

We had lunch next and I chilled for a little while in the back. Talked to Cindy about selling. Got to show off my tote bag that I'm very proud of. Also told Jack about the national guard and how my workshop I guess small business is going really well and he was just very proud of me and that felt really good. I really admire him so it was nice that he was proud and excited for me.

The second program was our biggest issue. That class not only had no self-control, their teacher was so checked out. It was so bad that there ended up being two teachers and I didn't even know one of them was a teacher. Because the other one just left. when we went to get them from lunch we start taking the group out and the teacher asks us to pause. And she starts asking if anybody wants to order pizza when they get back to the school. And to raise their hand. And if they need to cash app her to come up there. And we're just like what. We should already be in the program What is happening. And so we thought she was done after asking and counting them off but no she wanted to actually get them to give her money in this moment. They had a 40-minute lunch break where they could have done this. Because they did not eat lunch. They had a couple snacks but that was it. Also they gave all of them sunflower seeds. In a museum. Insanity.

So we were standing there for like 5 minutes. She was acting very rude to John. Who was just trying to get the program started with some semblance of being on time. I text Jessica because I don't know what to do and no one's listening. And finally we get them back to the classroom and then everyone is talking and that teacher just leaves. No one is listening. I had to stop what I was doing and walk to the back of the room to these three boys who were just being so disrespectful and ask them to please stop talking and they tell me I'm doing too much. Okay. So rude for no reason. I was just horrified on John's behalf because they were being so rude to him.

And then when we finally got to the actual program only like half of them actually participated. And then by the end of course then they wanted to make the project and we had to tell them no because they had to sit down. Most of them still got to do it and like I said on an individual basis they were very sweet. But that teacher was just so out of pocket. Just no control over those kids and also just seemed completely checked out and did not care. It was an embarrassment.

I was so glad to be done with them. So glad though that I did not notice that no one went with them when we took them to the front of the museum at the end of the day to leave. Oops. I stayed behind to clean up and John went to go get a broom so I thought he had gone with them it was a whole thing. Doesn't matter in the long run. Jessica understood that we just wanted to get them out of there.

Me and John just kind of decompressed in the garment loft for a while. I worked on cleaning up and fixing some felt and putting things away in a logical order. James was in the museum working on a couple things and so they came and joined us and we all just talked and bitched and it was great. Made me feel a lot better.

I mostly just cut the felt shapes out and tried to clean them up and then around 1:30 it was time to go. We chatted with Jessica at the front for a few minutes about insurance stuff and my quilting in the garment loft and then me and James left. We have things to do.

We drove out to Glen Burnie to go to value village. We donated a bag of clothes and got a coupon. And then we did some shopping. It was a little frustrating because we couldn't get a cart because there was too busy. And that was a little frustrating but we found some really great stuff. some Christmas presents some stuff for the house that will make things a little neater. Felt really good. I also got a really expensive quilting block for like $3. And that was really exciting. My most exciting purchase though was another code. I don't need a coat. But this one has roses for buttons and it's so good. So I'm excited about that. And it was only $6.

Next we went to Target. And we got a few more presents there. And we just got a couple things that we needed. Eggs and flour and sugar. And I was getting a little too overheated and upset because I was too hot. So I was very glad to get out of there.

When we did leave we decided that we would go over to five guys for dinner. Or I guess a late lunch. And it was really nice just sitting and eating quietly. I was really excited to go home though I was getting very very tired.

When we did finally get home we brought everything inside and put stuff away and took tags off of things. We pulled out some more wrapping stuff from the holiday closet. And I'll work on those things tomorrow. And it was just really nice. We both rested for a bit and then we got to work on some cookies. James wanted to make the jam cookies a little fancier and that was fun. We use a couple jars of our jam and that was really good. We both ate a few of them already in the sugar cookie part is excellent. Probably one of the better recipes we found. And the jams are really good and interesting and I'm really enjoying it. I'm liking trying all of the flavors I've never tried before.

And we just spent the last hour or so working on our video game. We don't have all of the endings but we've pretty much figured out how to get everything. It is sad seeing the one girl die every single time. I'm just like I want to save my girlfriend every single time. But there is no way to really save her.

I did just find out that the people who made this game just announced that they're coming up with a new thing. Which I think is very funny because we just started playing. It's like we spoke it into existence.

Now we are both ready to get showers and get some sleep. I have my virtual doctor's appointment tomorrow and James has work. We were going to go to the pootop party but we're both assuming that James is going to be a little bit to beat up. Which is okay. I only really wanted to go if James wanted to go. So I hope it's just a nice day.

I'm also going to spend some of it making sure that our home is prepared for this apparent really bad storm coming in. Want to make sure that everything is cleaned and settled and ready just in case. We're going to try to leave early Friday morning so that we don't get stuck in anything. I might even insist on bringing sweetp with us. We will see.

I hope you all have a great night tonight. Take care of each other. Be safe. Goodnight!!

[kalianos]

A rant of the last two months.

So I looked at a lot of my draft posts. The ones for the last month and a half were kinda Venting about the new corp I joined in Eve Online.

To be fair, I learned a mutual friend who has a habit of starting things then just...not taking control as a leader and lets things die as a result was starting it.

soooo yeah. That happened. Only one logging in now. ~_~

"It'll be great Kali! Getting back into Eve Kali! We should try doing FW and small gang pvp! Hey isn't it weird how you are the only cis guy in this corp?" yeah sure, except one problem. You dragged a bunch of newbies who never played before into it. As all Newbies tend to do, they are for some reason scared of pvp and losing ships. HELL ONE OF THEM THINKS THAT DOING PVP WAS THE SAME AS HARMING SOMEONE AND COULDN'T BEAR IT!

So we ended up turning into a Mining and Industry Corp. Except I was one of the few paid accounts. So I was the only one who could reliably skill into to building things. Okay I still can't get over the lack of wanting to PVP in the game built on it.

...a bit fucked up way of thinking but there was always mining and industry I guess? no. I spent, hundreds of millions on BPO's and started doing research material and time development which takes ages. We do a mining op, they manage to...somehow not know how to read? "Oh the sleepers are back!" Well I already took care of them in an Orca. Do it again!

No they are Drifters. Webbed, scrammed, disrupted. Trapped and couldn't warp off in an extremely large bulky slow ship. -_- 2.5billion down the drain. It was cool seeing the explosion though. Then slowly everyone started petering off one by one.

Our scared to pvp person went exploring in the pvp areas and was shocked that..they were attacked and managed to escape with their pod. They felt sick at the idea of shooting at a player. V: like...no seriously wtf? This is EVE. Everyone Vs. Everyone. Market pvp, Industry pvp, MINING PVP. Yes Mining pvp is a thing. Its called putting on the highest yield risk mining crystal and just sneaking into enemy territory asteroid field and just going to town destroying their asteroid resources so they can't build ships!

The Hauler did two contracts for us, and dipped. ...best fifty mil wasted?

Two of our number thought it was weird that the game didn't just automatically played itself? Like auto-target and then auto-fire? ...those modules exist but thats too much.

the lead and their girlfriend don't show up anymore so. Its just me in this corp? AFter spending so many skill points and isk in industry since "You are now the industry lead!"

Back on track learning how to pilot Triglavian ships and Edencom stuff since thats what I wanted to begin with.

Now I am in a dead corp with nobody logging in and my isk and LP is being taxed heavily to a corporation that no longer even functionally exists. Except as a blackmark in my job history in the game as "Why were you in this Corp. for only a few months after leaving your starter corp after nearly 14 years?"

BEcauseI got tired of helping people out in the newbie corp and wanted to hang out with friends! ....who immediate flaked out and left. And my other MMO friends won't touch EVe with a ten foot pole. "We don't understand it." -_-; Game is so much easier now than it was back then.

I wish....I wish I could just clone myself and have mini-me's running around non-stop. ....actually thats a bad idea. I don't understand Reactions in industry too well and I've only just started doing PLanetary industry setup after years of having the skills trained.

MAybe it would just be nice if people logged the fuck in and we could hang out. "My new job doesn't fit in with the weekly group up so I won't log in at all" >:V oh fuck off.

Screw this, I'm going into Wormhole space and find a Wormhole crew living in that insane spaghetti mess of systems and run C3's to earn enough isk in a couple days to buy a month of game time in game.

Or Join Faction Warfare and do the same but also have constant pvp.

Viva la Caldari / Guristas

Or constantly run Abyssal dungeons solo.

I am tired. At least there are a lot of new players coming into the game now? Its refreshing.

[941injapan]

June 13th- Free day

Today was our first free day in Kyoto. I had planned plenty of things to do today, and I'm glad I was able to do most of them. I decided to head to Osaka again to hit some places in this amazing city. I began my journey at Osaka Castle. This castle was an important shogunate site that withstood many battles and changes in power. Inside the castle, there were many artifacts as well as war history exhibits. At the top, there was an amazing 360-degree view of Osaka. After the many flights of stairs to get down, I began to make my way over to my next stop. The Osaka Aquarium. This Aquarium is world famous for having not 1 but 2 whale sharks in their Pacific Ocean exhibit. This aquarium had an excellent setup and flow. You began in native Japanese water exhibits, with Monterey bay and Icelandic exhibits, then the rest of the exhibits went in a circle around this huge Pacific Ocean tank. Massive grouper, all kinds of sharks, stingrays, manta rays, the whole deal. Along the way, I saw dolphins, seals, sea lions, and many more cute and playful aquatic creatures. I saw a king crab for the first time and my gosh they look like aliens or something. It then takes you down to the deep sea area with jellyfish and bioluminescent sea cucumbers. Finally, you get to the Arctic section with penguins and ice-cold water fish. Easily the most impressive aquarium I've seen, and the competition is fierce. I worked my way out of the bay area to go to see Tsutenkaku Tower, a radio tower that is basically Osaka's Tokyo Tower, as well as do some merchandise shopping in Den Den town. I was impressed with Den Den town, much more than Akiharaba. They had more cool stuff instead of cute stuff, and none of the stores felt questionable like in Akiba. I landed a rare cowboy bebop figure and went to my last stop. I walked for about 50 minutes through neighborhoods and markets to get to a place named UpGarage. You know how much I love cars, so I relish in part shopping even though Japan doesn't even have a single part for my car. Up Garage was special, and I really loved the gig they had there. Up Garage is a used performance parts store that sells items like rims, suspension, exhaust, and even body parts for cars. I was blown away at the markdowns here. Fully functional coil-over sets, just dirty but otherwise in perfect working order, from 200-400 dollars. Just wow. Coilovers brand new in America goes for 1000+ easy, very easy. The main issue I have with car customization and racing is just how much money the sport costs. But here, if you're not going for looks, but for real performance and gains, you can slice the price of your racing-bred machine in half. I don't think people realize how insane that really is. I found gauges for the Japanese counterpart of my car for 4 dollars, 4 smackeroos. That's like 2 single cheeseburgers at Mcdonald's for a 100-dollar part used on eBay. It made me really want to move to Japan for a year or two just to get a car cheap, clap it out for cheap, and race these stunning mountain roads just to send her back to America when I'm done. Gosh, I need to get my degree and marbles together so I can live that dream while I'm young. I ate gyoza at some hole-in-the-wall restaurant and the waitress there spoke perfect English which was nice. I ordered some thin beef thing over some sushi rice and they actually came out with a torched and cooked it. After my meal, I went back on the train and got ready to crash for tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll definitely take it easy, after that hike, I'm 100% going to nap. Great day today, a great city, and great interactions. That is the Japanese experience.

[nyadversary]

wow that's a long list of complaints but don't worry i have more. actually, let's focus solely on the klance relationship itself, because i think dirty laundry fails at literally the most basic aspect of what it set out to do, which is making us believe in and feel invested in the relationship between these two guys

the initial setup is a fake dating premise. lance told his family he's bringing home a boyfriend for xmas, but this was just a lie meant to stick it to his homophobic abuela and he doesn't actually have anyone to bring home, so he asks his college friends for help and keith gets talked into agreeing in exchange for a month of free laundry. this is already muddled — why would keith, who is an out gay guy in this story, agree to spend his winter break on the receiving end of homophobic abuse from the grandmother of a guy he's not even dating? — but it could be justified, as keith doesn't have anything else to do over winter break and there are some hints that he might be attracted to lance despite thinking he's annoying. throw all of that out the window, though, because...

...like a chapter in, it turns into a mutual pining story instead. let me be very clear that the initial relationship between keith and lance here is merely that they are in the same college friend group and occasionally hang out watching anime together, something keith doesn't even enjoy. they are not close. keith is very clear in his narration that he thinks lance is borderline unbearable at the outset of this story. yet a few days into their winter break, with no real plot justification as to why this turning point happens, keith suddenly realizes he's catching feelings but becomes convinced that they could never be reciprocated. why does he think this? no idea. the narration repeatedly informs us that lance feels the same way, and also believes his feelings to be unreciprocated, but i'm even less sure of why he feels that way or thinks it couldn't be mutual. ESPECIALLY given that...

...not quite halfway through the fic, they kiss. this is meant to be a distraction during a game of laser tag (if you haven't read the scene, it's not worth explaining), but there's zero actual pretense as to this being part of the Fake Dating thing. it's not even initially a stage kiss, they just go directly to making out and feeling each other up while the whole time keith's narration is waxing poetic about his love for lance. in any other shipping fanfic this scene would come at the end and serve as the conclusion to the relationship arc, marking the point where this couple officially gets together; at the very least, it should be impossible for this to still be mutual pining, right? they've clearly acknowledged that they're into each other. right? no, sorry, it's still mutual pining. both of them still think their feelings are unreciprocated after having made out. let me clarify that this is not played for comedy!

just a couple scenes later keith is having fantasies about a domestic life with lance — reminder, this is mere days after he's realized he has a crush on lance, the story opened with him thinking this guy was a total nuisance, and they aren't even actually dating yet but here keith is watching lance cook breakfast while looking after his baby niece like "omg what if we were married with children <3" insanity.

a weird additional aspect to this, and i can't believe this isn't, like, The Point here, is that keith is desperate for a family in this story. he's a former foster kid who bounced from home to home growing up and never really felt like he belonged, and he winds up really loving his stay with lance in large part because he feels like he's being accepted into lance's family unit. in particular, he looks at lance's mom, rosa, as a mother figure to himself as well (also at points it reads like he's in love with her, which is completely unintentional but still creates a bizarre impression). he thinks a lot about how much he loves lance's family, how much he'll miss them when winter break is over; it takes up at least as much real estate in the story as keith and lance's relationship does. this is because dirty laundry is just the secret life of bees but with klance, and the secret life of bees is a found family narrative first and foremost so this also has to be. but it really seems like this is the reason keith is so fixated on dating lance — dating lance would allow him continued access to lance's family and he makes it extremely clear that he'd be heartbroken if he never gets to see them again. this would honestly be a pretty interesting narrative if it was on purpose but don't worry, it's wholly unintentional, god forbid anything interesting happen in the story

later when we finally get lance's side of things he seems far less invested than keith is. sure, there's every indication that he thinks keith is cute and enjoys flirting with him, but nothing to indicate he's as serious and In Love as keith is. he rejects keith's initial confession, does not read the love letter keith wrote him until sophia basically forces him to, and only then is he like "oh huh, i guess i like him back!" i don't have a problem with that on its own, but the complete mismatch in intensity between lance's feelings and keith's is strange, and, again, makes it seem as though keith's feelings are as least as much about lance's family as they are about lance.

not that romance stories have to focus on sex or even include it at all, but just in case you were wondering if there's any raunchiness in a story titled Dirty Laundry, the most explicit scene in the entire story involves keith briefly and accidentally seeing lance's dick. this happens quite early on, so you might think it's the lead-in to something more explicit happening, but it actually doesn't fucking matter at all because keith and lance not only agree never to speak of this again, they don't even think about it again

let me also say that while i've never been into voltron myself, i did watch season one and i totally get why people shipped keith and lance based on that. they have a funny dynamic where lance has it in his head that they're rivals before they even meet, which is absurd, yet keith for some reason plays along with it and stoops to lance's level. it's an entertaining character dynamic and neither of them really act like that with the rest of the cast, i get what people saw here. dirty laundry... doesn't really do anything with this? there are some references to keith and lance being competitive with each other, but there's only one actual scene of them competing (at the arcade — keith wins at every game except DDR) in the entire story. which is eighty thousand words long. to be clear.

both keith and lance in this story suffer from horribly inconsistent characterization. i don't think it's just that the author mixes up their names, i think she genuinely forgets which of these guys is supposed to have which traits. keith is supposed to be the emotionally unintelligent one and frequently acts extremely dense to back this up, but at other points in the story keith gives epic anime protagonist speeches and gets an A in therapy, so i'm not sure what we're supposed to make of that. lance, as we're told repeatedly, is much better at understanding emotions than keith is and is more of a romantic/passionate type than keith is, yet it also takes lance the entire damn story to be like "hang on, i think i like keith too?" meanwhile keith has decided he's in love with lance by chapter 3. it's not just that these two are out of character / flanderized / badly written / stereotyped (although all of those things are true), it's that the characters aren't even written consistently within dirty laundry itself.

basically i don't even get why klance shippers like this. i think if i was genuinely invested in klance i'd be even more pissed off about this stupid story than i already am, and it might be apparent that i'm pissed enough as it is

going over that really notorious Klance fanfic Dirty Laundry on the podcast and I'm fucking tired of sitting on these thoughts for so long so here's a rundown because I am trying to sleep but can't because I'm thinking about this shit fic:

accusations of ableist and racist stereotypes aside (meaning EVEN IF we assume these accusations are false) this fic has some of the worst (sincere) writing I've ever seen. not hyperbole. not exaggeration.

any time someone brings up this fic they talk about how the author was cruelly harassed into deleting it, but upon digging the "meanest" thing I could find was a message from a Latine person addressed to the author which, albeit heated, did not insult the author in any way beyond saying "you fucking white people" and simply pointed out their problems with the fic requesting they delete it for being racist.

the only time anyone speaks Spanish is when they are angry or emotional, and half the time it's grammatically incorrect google translate Spanish

it's just The Secret Life of Bees but with Klance

the word "obviously" is used in every other paragraph

basic timeline and setting mistakes ie Keith and Lance have known each other since high school; Lance went to Grossling High in Arizona yet Keith has never been to Arizona and also met Lance at college in Oregon

the author clearly has no idea how old the characters are supposed to be. the 70 year old woman is described as "old and withered," and the 2 year old can't walk and needs to be spoonfed.

at several instances the Mexican characters are referred to as "Spanish"

setting changes from chapter to chapter. they're in the middle of the Arizona desert yet they apparently live on farmland that has "rolling yellow fields" and livestock breeding and large, dense deciduous forests along the highway - forests that also have lakes in the middle of them - lakes that have currents like rivers, and are also cold enough to give you hypothermia in t-shirt weather

other basic writing mistakes, like Keith noticing Lance's kidney scar the first time he sees him shirtless, yet failing to notice any scar on his donee despite him being introduced with no shirt on

the author mixes up Lance and Keith's names frequently

often the characters will act completely differently than they are described. Abuela had a pretty characterful introduction sequence and then we're given a description of her that contradicts what we've just read

we are constantly told what a good mother Rosa is despite her not standing up to her homophobic husband when he slights their bisexual son for being bisexual, doesn't stand to defend Keith from Abuela's homophobia until Keith runs out and steald a car, gets angry when her long-lost daughter returns home, and acts cold towards her six-year-old granddaughter, both of whom she did not know were alive or dead up until that point... I could go on

Keith apparently was born in Korea but somehow ended up in the US foster care system as a baby. there are certainly scenarios that could lead to this happening, but we're never given an explanation. idk maybe the author didn't realize Korea also has foster care systems.

characters are introduced and given backstories then promptly discarded when they are done serving the Klance relationship; ie Benji's cancer survivor backstory doesn't actually matter and is only there to give Keith an excuse to touch Lance's skin. after this, he barely shows up.

Sophia. like the entire fucking thing with Sophia. I am actually too angry to properly articulate my thoughts on this but basically she's treated as a pariah for getting pregnant at 17 and getting kicked out of the house by her father; we are meant to think this is justified. the only one who sympathizes with her is Abuela, who is a homophobe who we're supposed to disagree with.

the autistic character is referenced as autistic briefly only in order to add to the struggles Sophia faced as a young mother. otherwise, Alexi does not matter at all to the story. after her introductary scenes, she disappears from the story altogether.

the writing just sucks in general. we are told stuff instead of being able to draw conclusions on our own, even the most obvious things, the similes and metaphors are terrible

speaking of which, the perspective is never consistent. it various omniscient to third person limited from Keith's perspective to Lance's, yet while we think we are in one perspective we get things that only the other's perspective could know definitively, but if it's supposed to be omniscient, we get opinions that HAVE to be from one character's perspective... it's a constant problem

so so so so so so much more wow this fic is bad

[moonjosjongwoo]

How do you think Kihyuk's reaction might have been ? If had been alive to see Moonjo's growing obsession with Jongwoo??

i think about this a lot, actually. i lowkey am super attached to kihyuk and i wish we had gotten to learn more about him in the drama.

anywho,,,

i have really mixed feelings about how kihyuk felt toward moonjo, but i'm also really fascinated by it, because it shows just how different he and jongwoo were in personality.

so we all know that kihyuk was essentially screwed over by those close to him when he first comes to the residence. he initially gives off the vibe of someone who is a little trigger happy and doesn't trust anyone, and understandably so. he's in a really shitty place with people that are textbook gross, and any trust he might have had for anyone else was betrayed on the onset of him staying at eden.

moonjo plays right into that and promises him a metamorphosis. he's going to make him into a new man. we don't get to see it in action like we did with jongwoo, but my guess is moonjo did a lot of the things that he did with jongwoo. gaslighting, playing down the level of creepiness of the goshiwon as a whole, and obviously, the use of 'jagiya'.

and kihyuk went right for it. moonjo just does that to a person. even when you don't trust him, you trust him. kihyuk fell for him hook, line, and sinker (take that how you will), and became exactly what he thought moonjo wanted him to become.

but the end result wasn't what moonjo had wanted. he was a failure. personally, i think it was because he wasn't as unstable as jongwoo. jongwoo fantasizes about snapping and choking/beating people. jongwoo took down a fellow officer in his military days. jongwoo wrecked three high school kids who tried to corner him. jongwoo has all the setups for someone about two steps away from losing their shit and killing everyone around him, and that was what moonjo wanted. he didn't want someone who would take so easily to killing. he wanted someone in denial about it--someone who would break before they came back together. someone he could deconstruct and then reconstruct as he pleases.

now, as for how kihyuk would have felt about that if he were alive...that's an interesting thought to consider. there are a couple different angles i look at when it comes to comparing kihyuk and jongwoo.

first, jongwoo is tiny. he's skinny and almost frail-looking. he doesn't give off the appearance of someone who could rip you up one side and down the other. kihyuk isn't bigger by much, but he at least looks more intimidating. jongwoo's scariness comes from his ferocity, because it takes him the entire course of the drama to say 'fuck being a decent human' and lose his shit. kihyuk hasn't seen that. kihyuk probably doesn't notice the subtle hints of volatility that moonjo does. he won't get it, so he won't understand what moonjo sees in him, knowing just what moonjo wants to turn him into.

second, moonjo bends the behavior of the residents around jongwoo. my impression is that didn't happen with kihyuk. moonjo threatens nambok, outright kills one of the twins, and even talks down to ms. eom when she questions his interest in jongwoo. i don't know what kihyuk had to endure there before he let moonjo remake him, but i doubt it was made with as much care as what we saw with jongwoo. the residents at the goshiwon were absolutley unruly, and moonjo still moved them aside rather than getting rid of jongwoo.

i don't know if i want to say kihyuk would be jealous, but it comes close. he definitely doesn't understand, and considering his reason for falling under moonjo's influence in the first place was loneliness and betrayal, he'd probably be a ticking time bomb. he would eventually lose all self-control and go after either or both of them, and he's a dead man if he does so, because moonjo is obviously insanely protective of jongwoo, and jongwoo doesn't know it, but he reflects a part of moonjo inside of him by the end of the show, so he'll go apeshit if kihyuk kills/tries to kill moonjo.

i think the hardest hitter for me is the simple fact that kihyuk was bound by rules. moonjo, when he'd stabbed him with the needle, had announced "you know we have rules". kihyuk, who had thought he was doing exactly what he needed to do, was genuinely shocked.

jongwoo doesn't seem to be bound by those same rules. he does as he pleases, lashes out when he's upset, causes turmoil in the residence at times, and moonjo simply observes and lets it slide.

if kihyuk bears witness to that, that's probably the straw that breaks the camel's back.

[loliwrites]

loli. you can’t just throw ‘dont break my heart, slugger’ at our faces and leave it like that. where’s the comfort sex??? WHERE IS IT, LOLI????!!?!?!!?

I'm not even shitting you, I wrote the "don't break my heart, slugger" line and then took a week off of finishing that fic because I BROKE MY OWN DAMN HEART. And even then only added a little bit because I still couldn't take it. Even writing this I took a couple weeks before even committing a word to it because my heart was like, "bitch, you thought. You thought you were over the hurt." I ain't.

¡¡ Collateral damage alert !!

Anywho, the much needed Comfort Sex totally picks up like a couple hours after the heartbreaking stuff. Like they had dinner and showered and got ready for the rest of the night.

Addi's the last one to be ready for bed. She lingers in the shower for a handful of extra minutes, letting the hot water beat down on her. Sure things had ended alright. They weren't breaking up, they were going to work on the things that weren't working in the relationship due to their insane schedules. But she had still brought up the whole "breaking up" stuff. It was out there. She couldn't take it back and she couldn't pretend like it hadn't been said. Now on top of everything else she was feeling, she felt guilty for contemplating ending the relationship in the first place. And maybe even worse, she felt awkward about how to proceed from here. Were things... normal? Could things be normal?

She steps out of the bathroom and into the bedroom with extreme hesitancy. As if by some cruel joke, instead of having some time in the room alone to get comfortable and situated, Alex is already in bed. He's sat up against the headboard, glasses low on the bridge of his nose, reading the latest book on his list of things to read. The moment she's fully in the room, he flicks his gaze to her. It's as if that was the plan all along and the book was just a ruse to serve as a distraction. He folds the book shut and places it on the nightstand next to him, pulling off his glasses in the same moment. Not a word is said between them as she walks to the bed and tucks in for the night. As if that's normal. She can feel Alex's eyes on her and knows he knows something is up. It's obvious she's still lost in thought or worry. Then as she lies back and tugs the sheet a little closer up to her chin, he makes it impossible for her to ignore him anymore.

Alex rolls over and wraps his arm over her waist, enveloping her in his long reach; keeping her close and very much not allowing her space if it means she's going to withdraw from him. But this new setup -- feeling his touch after too many months of separation and staring in the face of all these little things that made her fall in love with him in the first place proves to be overwhelming. Her breath hitches in her throat and she tries to play it off by swallowing, but it spurs on another gasp. And the realization that she's having a hard time keeping herself composed and in control of her emotions sends her into a new state of despair.

At the first sob, Alex thinks about letting go of her... that she wants to use her safe word to invoke some space but doesn't know how to in the moment so her body is reacting in some form of volatile manner. By the second sob, he knows better than to release her and if anything, clings onto her a little tighter. He helps maneuver her body in such a way that he can adjust his positioning and be on top of her completely. In the moment that transition becomes complete, Addi sobs a little bit harder and squeezes her arms around his torso.

"I'm sorry," she manages to choke out in between the mix of gasping and tears falling. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"

He presses his lips to her jaw and mumbles against her skin, "you don't have anything to apologize for, sweet girl." As he feels her tears trail down her cheeks, he lifts his head again and swipes them away, doing his best to dry them although they're replaced by a fresh batch. In the same moment she nods her head yes, that she does have something to apologize for, he shakes his head no. "No, you don't. You were being honest about your feelings and trying to find a solution to those feelings,"

"I don't want you to be upset with me. I don't want things to be weird,"

And this... this is hard for Alex. He's not upset with her. He's so not upset with her. But he's also not going to lie about his feelings. Because hearing her say she wanted to break up was worse than any kick to the balls. "I'm not upset, kid. I'm hurt," she interrupts him with a whine and he moves his hand to her hair, focusing and absently brushing his fingers through it. "Because I pushed you to that. You've been working in town and leaving sporadically, and instead of doing the same, I was working everywhere but here. I lost sight of the fact that we are the priority. Not some job. No movie is worth losing you over,"

He leans in and kisses her -- a tender, little thing that's packed with passion and leaves her with no questions as to whether or not he loves her. Of course he does. A million times over.

And maybe, despite knowing where her fragile headspace is at, and knowing she has a tendency to want physical proof of his love and forgiveness (even if he claims there's nothing to forgive her for)... maybe he's not even the one that tries for sex. Maybe as soon as he's turning to return to his place in bed beside her, she lets out a wail that's all too visceral. He recognizes it instantly and quickly maintains his position on top of her... even when she claws and grips at his hips, trying to press for a little more. And again, this is hard for him. To him, there are few things more triggering than having sex with a woman who's crying all the way through it. Yet he knows if he cuts this short because she's crying, she'll internalize it as something it's not. Plus... he does want to have sex with her. I mean, he's been away from her for months. He wants that intimate closeness with her. He just wishes she wasn't actively crying as he did it.

"I gotcha, kid," he cups one hand around the back of her neck and urges her to tuck up into him while he reaches between their bodies with his other hand to line himself up; made harder by having to navigate around the long t-shirt she's wearing.

Alex presses forward, just barely inching himself in, and pauses when he feels her lips pull into a tight line against his collarbone. He lifts his hand and licks his fingers before setting them back to their task. The familiar feeling of sinking deep inside her, being tugged at and surrounded by her anatomy -- Lord he's a weak man.

He kisses the side of her head and mumbles in her ear, "Jesus, you feel so good." They simultaneously pull away from each other, allowing the space to actually see each other's faces. While she thinks she's holding herself together adequately, Alex notices the fresh tears that escape her bloodshot eyes and move down her cheeks. "Am I hurting you?" He asks mid-thrust, feeling her clench a little tighter around him.

Addi shakes her head, thinking her lungs and vocal cords may fail her if she tries to commit that answer to words. Instead she angles her hips up to meet his, keeping him deep inside her.

Alex presses a smile and swipes his thumb over her cheek to dry a tear, "no tears." He lurches forward and grits his teeth through a moan. "It makes me feel like I'm doing something bad,"

She sniffles and wipes the back of her hand across her eyes. Reaching up, she cups her hands around his head and scratches her fingers through his hair, "not bad. Good. So good,"

He pulls his hips back and snaps them forward quickly, smiling and leaning in to kiss her lips when she squeals. "I love you, cutie,"

Breathing heavily, a blush creeps up her chest and neck. "Love you, honey,"

But he pauses. Comes to a full stop and it leaves her a little disoriented.. and completely teased as he remains just barely inside her. She grunts and tugs on the ends of his hair, trying to get him to give her the heavy fullness she's craving. But he holds his ground and shoots her a playfully hurt glance.

"Love you? Who loves me?"

She frowns and lifts her hips again. It works for a moment. Enough time for him to sink a little deeper, but he's quick to remedy that only to prove his point. With a frustrated whine, "me."

"Then say it. No 'love you',"

"I love you,"

He smiles victoriously and thrusts back into her with intention. To match his victory, she stares at him unamused. "Åsna,"

Alex laughs (and that turns into a groan when Addi squeezes his length), "I'm not a donkey!"

"Alexander," she pleads, elongating the end of his name. "Make me come. Please," she begs.

That's enough for him. Enough to bring any self-respecting man to his knees. Yeah, he's going to make her come. He'll do it more than once if she lets him. It doesn't matter what she calls him, he's just happy they avoided complete catastrophe tonight. And that she's not crying anymore.

In the coming days, she totally treads carefully. Everything she says spills from her mouth but only after intense consideration. And Alex, for his part, he's trying to get her to loosen up; to forgive herself. He couldn't be more normal even if he tried. It probably lasts a week; this tiptoeing around awkwardness before she gets home from a tiresome day at work and flops down next to him on the couch. He hooks his arm around her shoulders as she nestles in with her head on his shoulder, taking a few deep breaths to ground herself that she's alright. They're alright.

[myhockeyworld87]

Ruined - Jamie Benn - Part 4

Word Count: 8,133

POV: Jamie and then switches to reader

Warnings: Language, small amount of smut so we will say NSFW

Notes: This is hell long, I’m sorry. I don’t normally write chapter/parts this long, so don’t get used to it, because I’m sure it won’t last...haha! At any rate here we go with Part 4. As always I love your feedback, both good and bad, so hit me with it. Happy Reading! Also (Y/NN) = Your Nickname (Y/LN) = Your Last Name

Ruined Masterlist

 JAMIE POV

 Five days, that's how long it was until you saw (Y/N) again. Well, it was four days, sixteen hours, twenty-two minutes, and forty-two seconds, give or take a second or two. And why did you know the exact time, only because you'd been counting the hours since she left Jordie and Jessi's house. The dinner party had gone great, at least you thought it had, but then you hadn't seen her since then; not even a glimpse of her outside in the backyard or pulling into the driveway. It was maddening or maybe it was just you slowly going insane as every little noise outside had you wandering over to the window to check and see if it was her. It hadn't taken much to convince your brother to throw a dinner party on short notice, in an excuse so you could see (Y/N), but now that you had, there was just this overwhelming need to see more and more of her.

 Now, here you were, just four days, sixteen hours, twenty-four minutes, and sixteen seconds from seeing her again. She was to be at the practice center at four-thirty today, so that someone, that someone being you, of course, could show her around the facility. You stood back a bit, staring at the entrance doors just waiting for her to walk in. And then she did. She looked radiant. Dressed in a simple navy pantsuit with a pair of high heels that clicked across the floor, she made her way to the front desk. Instead of rushing out to greet her, you headed back to the locker room, where you knew the receptionist would usher her back to you.

 Your palms were sweating and suddenly you felt unsure of yourself. What if she was only playing nice at Jordie's and really didn't want to be around you? But that didn't explain how she'd laughed and reminisced with you about different things. That laugh, you knew it was a genuine one, for you heard it so many times in your dreams you had it memorized. God, you hoped you could make her laugh like that again today.

 You could hear her heels on the floor, so you busied yourself with one of your sticks retaping the blade, even though it didn't need it. "The team captain is in there, Miss. If you need anything just let me know." You heard the door open and then turned around.

 "Jamie?"

 "Oh hey (Y/NN)," you tried to sound casual as if her simply being in the same room as you didn't send your heart beating into overdrive.

 "I guess I didn't realize you were the team's captain."

 "Yeah, have been for a few years now." Your heart sank a bit in the knowledge that she hadn't really followed your career except to know where you were, so she could avoid you.

 "Well that's…," she stumbled on her words which was unusual for her and you wondered if she was as affected by you as you were by her, or if it was just her disdain for you, and that she hated to give you any amount of praise. "That's really amazing. Your coaches and team must really hold you in high regard."

 "I'd like to think so." You finally abandoned the stick that didn't need taping, leaning it against the wall before turning your attention back to (Y/N). "Anyhow, I guess I'm your tour guide today." She gave a weak smile and a simple head nod, which was not encouraging to say the least. "So, how about we get started? If you want you can leave your stuff in here, no one will bother it." She'd been carrying her medical bag and a few other things, but she handed them over to you and you set them in your stall. "Well, as you can see this is our practice locker room, pretty basic. I thought we'd start with a tour of the entire place before I show you the training room."

 The two of you headed down the hallway and back out to the lobby. "Obviously, you came in this way, but I'll show you the entrance you can use in the future. We're pretty much contained to this side of the building as you can see, but when practices are open, people can come and watch." You showed her the rink, from seat level, then headed back out. "This is the club lounge, if there's ever an event here where we aren't skating we use one of the boxes up there. You're more than welcome to as well."

 "I have to say this is kind of elaborate for a practice rink."

 "A bit."

 "I was expecting metal bleachers and…well, I don't know. I feel like this is more like the arena and then a practice rink."

 You chuckled, for you kind of thought the same thing, the first time you came here. Now you barely even noticed it. "Well, the boards are the same as the AAC, but other than that it's very different."

 "AAC?"

 "American Airlines Center," you hadn't realized you shortened the name. "Sorry about that. I think we're scheduled to tour that on Wednesday." It gave you another opportunity to be with her.

 "Yes, I have that on my calendar, but was going to see if we could change that." You supposed there was your answer about her wanting to be in the same room as you. "Dr. Ellis has a patient that needs a knee arthroplasty and he asked if I'd show him the technique I've been using. Less evasive and I'm having great success with cutting the healing time by half." Oh, so it was a medical thing, whatever an arthroplasty was. "If we could push it back a bit that would be great, if not maybe we could look at another time."

 "I'll work around your schedule, it's not a problem." If it meant spending more time with her you'd go to any lengths that you had to.

 "Thanks, if we could maybe make for like three in the afternoon instead of noon that will give me plenty of time because I have a feeling, he'll want me to sit in on his other two surgeries he has scheduled that day."

 "Not a problem." You took out your phone and made the change in your calendar. Thankfully, you didn't really have anything after practice that day but giving her the tour. "Shall we continue then?" She smiled, and it made your heart feel light. You took her to the offices next. "Down this hallway is pretty much everyone that works for the Stars; PR, accounting, our GM, our owner. You'll pretty much find them here." You stopped in front of a door and then opened it up. "This office is for you." It had a great view, well as much of a view as any of them had, but it really was a nice place for her to work.

 "Umm…this won't do."

 You blinked at her a couple times, there was really nothing wrong with the room. Everything in there was modern with state-of-the-art equipment. "What's wrong with it?" The words came out a little harsher than you intended but you really couldn't see her problem.

 "Well for starters, we're on the what, the third floor? And I believe the locker room and training room are on the first." You gave a confused look as this was Dr. Lundin's old office and he never been concerned about it being where it was. "It's just if I'm going to be working on you…well not you, but any of you. I need to be near you. I can be at ice level during practices, but if I'm treating you, my office should be closer to the ice." Well, you couldn't really argue with that. "Also, there's no exam table in here. I get that I'll be doing most things in your training room, but there may be times when I'll need you to stop in to look over something, or what if one of you need to see me about something private."

 She had a point, though none of you had ever really gone to Dr. Lundin like that. Come to think of it, he wasn't really around that much. He more or less made recommendations on where you should go if you had a problem. He wasn't necessarily the doctor to fix you. Seems like (Y/N) planned on being more hands-on, and you were ok with that. "You make a good point. Give me a second." You stepped out of the room and called the Jim Nill, the general manager. You weren't sure he was the man to go to, but you knew he'd be there in the building at least and could possibly offer a solution. It was a short phone call, as you expressed (Y/N)'s concerns. Jim was happy to help and said that he'd get someone on moving her downstairs to one of the spare rooms that housed equipment at the moment. "All set. They're going to move you down next to the training room. It might take a few days to get in the stuff you want, but if you make a list, we'll leave it at the front desk and make sure it gets taken care of."

 "Thank you, Jamie. I really appreciate you doing that."

 Her praise was like music to your ears, you could remember the days when you'd have a good game and she would go on and on about how well you played and you'd literally soak up every word that came out of her mouth. "No problem, guess we should head down there then." You showed her the room, which she seemed pleased with, then took her over to the training room. A couple of the trainers were still in there from practice, so you introduced her to them.

 "I hate to be a pain in the ass but would any of you mind if I changed the set up here. I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I just see a few things that could make this more efficient."

 "Sure, go ahead," Dave, the head trainer told her.

 "So, see these units right here. They would work so much better if you had them in between the training tables. That way two guys can be on the machine at the same time."

 "Oh, I see what you're saying." They went to move the equipment, it looked heavy so you helped as well. (Y/N) was opening up cabinets and taking things out, then moving them to other ones.

 "Is the AAC," she looked over as you to confirm she'd said that right. "Setup like this as well."

 "Pretty much," Dave told her.

 "Could we make these changes there as well?" They seemed to be a bit annoyed, but she wasn't deterred. "Bear with me for a moment. Say Jamie has a cut to his eye that needs to be stitched." She looked at you to play the part.

 "Ow my eye," your acting was horrible and they all laughed.

 "When he comes into the room, we take him right to the nearest table, which is here." You sat down where she gestured. "It's obvious, he needs stitches, but the medical cabinet is all the way over on the other side of the room, and by the time we get there, look for what we need then come back we've waist two minutes of playing time and we don't even have a single stitch that we need in." She was making a lot of sense. "If we had our sterile supplies here, and then individually marked and put in like this." She rearranged the cabinet as she talked. "Then when Jame comes in with the cut. We can assess it and stitch him up in no time."

 "Makes sense," Dave agreed. "I'll get to work on changing the AAC as well." He and the other trainer were done for the day and said their goodbyes before heading out.

 "Hey Jame," you noticed she'd started using your nickname and you weren't upset about it. "Could you move this table over to here?"

 "No problem."

 "Is something wrong?"

 Quite the opposite actually, you thought today was going pretty well. "Um, no why?"

 "You're favoring your right shoulder. I saw you do it earlier."

 "Oh, I think I just slept wrong on it or something." Well tossed and turned on it was more like it, as thoughts of her pervaded your mind.

 "Sit." It was a command and one that you were not to argue with. She came up behind you then, her hands going on your shoulders, kneading and massaging your shoulders and for a moment it felt like heaven, just having her hands on you again. Then she pushed down hard on a particular spot and you winced. "Tender?"

 "A bit."

 She came around in front of you and stepped in between your legs. "This might hurt a little." Hurt? God, she was killing you at the moment, as her body was almost pressed intimately up against yours. You willed your growing erection to calmed down, but apparently, it had a mind of its own. She moved your arm in a weird position, then pressed down almost under your armpit but not quite. (Y/N) was right, it did hurt a tiny bit, and you grunted at the pain. "Sorry." She went back to kneading your muscles, while you caught the scent of her perfume, or maybe it was just her, either way, it intoxicated you. You closed your eyes inhaling deeply, willing your body under control. You'd give anything at that moment to just wrap her in your arms and press her lips to yours. Would her lips be as sweet as they once were? Would she kiss you back with the same abandonment as she had that first time so long ago? There were so many questions swirling in your head, and you wanted to know the answers, but it was too soon. If you attempted any of this now, you'd take the chance of losing her for good and it was not a risk you were willing to make. All too soon for your liking, she stepped back. "Does that feel any better?"

 You rotated your shoulder and neck a few times. "Yeah, it actually feels amazing."

 "Excellent," a huge satisfied grin on her face, which only made you smile back. You felt it then, a shift in the air, almost as if her heart was giving way to you in some small manner. Maybe it was just you, but there was something in the way that her eyes held yours, the way they softened as she gazed at you. You remembered that look, had only dreamt of seeing it in her eyes again but now here you were, afraid to blink for if you did it would break the spell. Her watch chimed then, like the clock striking midnight in a fairytale. "I really should be going," she told you, and just like Cinderella, she was running away only this time you knew she wouldn't get far. "So, Wednesday, then right?"

 "Yeah, three o'clock."

 "Ok, I'll see you then."

 "Hey (Y/NN)," she turned back around. "Since we're heading downtown, why don't I just drive us both down. I'll show you the shortcut." She seemed to mull that over a bit.

 "Sounds good." She made a move to leave again, only this time, she stopped herself. "Thank you for today Jame. I really appreciate you showing me around."

 She called you Jame again, another step in the right direction. "Anytime, (Y/NN)." You sighed happily as she walked out of the training room. You were one step closer to winning the girl of your dreams back.

  READER'S POV

 What was wrong with you? You seriously needed to get ahold of yourself. That moment in the training room could not happen again. For god's sake, your watch had to chime to tell you to breathe, because you were pretty sure you'd stopped. There had been something in Jamie's eyes. Those big beautiful brown ones of his, that you could spend hours looking into. People always said the eyes were like windows into your soul, and if that were true you saw your own reflected in Jamie's. The shocking thing was, it didn't frighten you like it should. There was this small part of you that wanted to fall headfirst straight into him, but you couldn't. This time it wasn't just your reputation as being easy riding on the line. It would be your reputation as a doctor and a professional as well, and that was something you would not let him ruin.

 You turned over yet again in what felt like the most enormous bed at the moment. You couldn't seem to get comfortable and sleep was evading you, as thoughts of Jamie filled your head. Every time you closed your eyes there he was, smiling as he took another bite of cake in his mouth, laughing when you least expected it. It was all quite maddening and thrilling at the same time. This time you sat up in bed. Grabbing your iPad, you opened your one guilty pleasure and started reading the romance novel you'd started on the plane here. You hadn't picked it up, since the day you saw Jamie. It would provide the perfect distraction from him.

 You were about three chapters in when things started to turn a bit steamy, and as you read each line you found your hands wandering over your body. Your hands snuck up your shirt, wishing that it was our hero's gliding over your breasts the way he caressed the main characters. As the dialogue went on, you got more and more turned on, until you abandon the book for your own pleasure. Closing your eyes, you pictured the protagonist with his dark locks, kissing his way down your body. Your hands would thread into his hair, as he kissed above your panty line, before slowly shimming them down your legs. It was almost as if you could feel his warm breath against your thigh making you shiver. You let your fingers mimic his, as they slid between your folds, your pussy already wet with desire for him. He softly kisses you there then, his beard somewhat scratchy against your sensitive skin, but it was a feeling you yearned for. His long fingers would slip inside, moving in and out of you slowly at first driving you mad. Your hips flexed up, as you gave over to the fantasy, craving the faceless man's touch. You could see the muscles of his back stretch across his skin and you longed to rake your nailed down them as he thrust his cock inside you, though it was his torturous fingers driving you wild at the moment. You were close now, just teetering on the edge with the need to cum.  Rubbing your clit with your other hand, you thrust your fingers in out of you in a motion that you knew would take you to the heights you sought. Only your mind told you it was his fingers, his tattooed arm, his wicked tongue that was taking you there. Eyes closing tighter, as you fully emersed yourself in the fantasy, you felt the orgasm begin to build. Your legs started to tremble and your breathing was erratic, and then it hit and you were screaming out his name. "YES…JAMIE…YES!" Your eyes flew open, at the sound of his name echoing off the bedroom walls. It was Jamie you were picturing the entire time. He was the man giving you such exquisite pleasure. The realization had you spinning and throwing the covers over your head, too bad you couldn't hide from yourself. How were you ever going to face him in a couple days?

 Sleep was something that evaded you that night and the next, well not entirely you did get a few hours here and there. The only problem was Jamie seemed to creep into your dreams as well. There were ones where the two of you were laughing and joking and having the most amazing time, and ones that had you calling out his name in pleasure again as well. But the ones that got to you the most, were where he was with Caitlyn. They would be holding hands or kissing right in front of you. You'd wake up so angry that you wanted to punch something or someone, namely Caitlyn. It had you questioning why though. If you didn't have feelings for Jamie, then why were you so angry at some college girl who threw herself at him. The deeper you dug into that, the more you didn't like the answer, for it meant there was still something there between you.

 Thankfully, Wednesday came and so did your teaching surgeries, which meant you had something else to think about other than Jamie Benn. It was an early morning as most days in the operating room were, so at five, you grabbed a coffee and headed to the hospital. As you suspected, Dr. Ellis had you tag along on his other three knee arthroplasties, which meant you were walking out of the OR just before noon. If you timed it right, you could grab a quick bite to eat before going over charts and then be at Jamie's before three to tour the AAC.

 "I've got to say your method in that replacement was impeccable," Dr. Ellis told you as you headed down the hallway to the doctor's lounge.

 "Thanks, it took a little time for me to get things right, but as I said when you take that ligament…"

 "Dr. Ellis, you're needed in the ER for a consult; car versus pedestrian," the nurse told him, and immediately your heart sank. You always hated seeing these kinds of accidents come through the hospital. "It's a twelve-year-old, his leg is in bad shape. I'm not sure it can be saved."

 "Dr. (Y/LN), would you join me?"

 "Of course." The two of you quickened your pace as you rushed to the wounded child. "I thought you said this wasn't a trauma hospital?"

 "It's not. I'm not sure how this case got here."

 The moment you got to the ER, you didn't have to be directed as to where to go. Doctors and nurses rushed in and out of the room at a frenzied pace. It had honestly been a good year since you'd done any extensive trauma work, but the adrenaline came rushing back through your veins with a force of a good slap shot. When you entered the room, it was worse than you expected, you'd only seen one other case that was this bad. You rattled off a flurry of questions, to those around you, trying to assess the damage. "I think we're going to have to amputate," the chief emergency physician said.

 "Only as a last resort." You looked at Dr. Ellis. "If you're willing, I'd like to try and save this child's leg, but we need to get him in the OR now."

 Not even a second ticked by, before he said, "You heard her people, let's move." Everyone started rushing to get him prepped for surgery.

 "I'll need your assistance," you told him as the two of you made your way back, nurses following close behind.

 "Of course, anything you need."

 "Oh, I need someone to call Jamie Benn." Dr. Ellis gave you a funny expression. "He was to show me around the arena today in a couple hours. I need to push that back." He nodded to the nurse who jotted down the information before the two of you went to scrub up.

 The surgery was grueling, your feet hurt and your back ached from standing in the OR for over twelve hours, but it was worth it. You were able to save young Noah's leg. And while most of those that had joined you in the operating room were headed out for drinks, which they wanted you to join, you were putting back on the dress that you'd chosen this morning to wear for your tour with Jamie. Admittedly, you may have decided on it because it showed a little more cleavage than usual and that it was Jamie's favorite color, but right now you'd give anything to not have to wear it for another couple of hours as you walked around an arena trying to remember where the entrance and exit were. Though still you, glided it over your body and headed out the door.

 You thought about pulling into your driveway, but decide to go straight to Jamie's instead. Your feet already hurt from standing all day, and the heels that you'd brought earlier now felt like they were twenty inches high instead of the three that they were. No point in walking extra steps from your place to his. You rang the doorbell and almost immediately Jamie answered. "You look…"

 "Like hell." You finished for him as he stepped aside you let you inside his house and even through your exhaustion you realized this was the first time you were seeing the inside of his home.

 "I wasn't going to say that."

 "Oh, well I feel like it," you added. "But anyhow, are you ready to go?" You were standing in the entranceway taking everything in, the vaulted ceilings, the winding staircase, even the glass doors were things that you'd talked about with him when you were younger. It was almost a carbon copy of your dream home that you two talked about.

 "Um…well, I kind of didn't think you'd be up for it tonight."

 "Oh, thank god."

 He chuckled as you sagged in relief of knowing that you wouldn't have to put another ten thousand steps in. "I have an alternative if that's alright." You had no idea what he could be thinking, but anything other than a thirty to forty-minute drive downtown would be better. Just then your stomach growled, the sound seemed to fill the room and Jamie's eyebrow shot up.

 "Sorry, I haven't eaten since six this morning."

 "Well, then I think you're going to like my idea. Follow me." He headed into the open concept, kitchen, and living room, which was decorated all in white. "I kind of figured you'd be hungry, so I cooked us dinner. You still like salmon, right?"

 "Love it." You couldn't believe that he went to all this trouble. You could see the table set perfectly, and that he had a couple pots on the stove, which smelled divine. "This is so much better than the drive-thru I was going to beg you to go to."

 "Fast food, really? Come on (Y/NN) I would've sworn you'd go for pizza at least."

 "I mean well, obviously, but when you're crunched on time."

 "So, does this mean you're staying for dinner?" It wasn't in your original plans, but he'd gone to all this trouble, and well, you did have to eat.

 "I'd love to."

 "Great, I just need to get the grill going. How about a glass of wine while we wait?" You nodded, after the day you had, wine sounded perfect. "Red or white."

 "A dry white since we're having fish." His walk-in wine cellar was to die for and filled from head to toe, you couldn't help sneaking a peek behind him. "I didn't realize you were a wine drinker."

 He shrugged, the movement careless and carefree. "From time to time, I enjoy a glass. It's always better to share it with someone though." God, you'd said the exact words almost a hundred times. You loved your wine, but it was almost self-indulgent to just open a bottle and drink it yourself, so you rarely did it. He chose one, then came back out to the kitchen to uncork it. "I almost hate to ask, but how did the surgery go?"

 "It was long, but we ended up saving Noah's leg."

 "Oh my god, that's amazing."

 "Well, I don't know…"

 He didn't let you finish, just scooped you up in a hug. One that literally lifted you off the ground. It took your breath away not only from the shock of it but because of the way it made you feel. There were so many times you'd completed something successful in the OR only to come home to an empty house and no one to share it with, sure you had your family to call, who were always thrilled, but this, this was different. It was someone sharing in your joy and happiness, and you could feel it in the way that he held you that he was just as excited as you were. All too soon he put you down as if he realized he'd overstepped his bounds. "Sorry," Jamie told you taking a step back, yet still wearing a huge grin. "But you freaking saved a kid's leg. Like who does that." Again, he didn't give you time to answer. "You're truly amazing, (Y/N)."

 A blush rose to your cheeks at his compliments or maybe it was from the way he held you and you longed to feel his arms back around you. Either way, the room suddenly got a bit warm. "Thank you."

 He poured you both a glass of wine, then lifted his. "To the most amazing doctor. Dallas is lucky to have you." You clinked your glass with his then took a sip of the crisp chardonnay.

 "This is good," you sighed as you took another drink. "Would it be terribly rude of me, if I took these shoes off? My feet are killing me."

 "God no, make yourself at home," he chuckled.

 "What I should really do is run home and change into some sweats. If only my feet didn't hurt so bad."

 "You can wear mine."

 "Oh no, I couldn't." Because really, you couldn't wear his sweats, that would just be going too far.

 "Please, you used to do it all the time." Ok well, he had you there. "I think you had more of my sweatshirts than I did at one point."

 "Hey, I couldn't help it, they were just so….cozy." He laughed again and you found yourself joining in.

 "Well, you're more than welcome to steal some. It's not like I don't have a ton from the organization. Which reminds me, I'll make sure they send you over some stuff."

 "Oh, that would be nice."

 "Until then just go put mine on. You know you'll be more comfortable." He was right, but it felt a little awkward and you hoped he wouldn't read into it.

 "You're sure?" He gave you that look, the one that told you if you didn't get your ass into his sweats, he might kick it, and you had to laugh. "Ok, ok." It kind of felt like old times, only without all the bad stuff that happened, and god help you; you liked it.

 "Upstairs go to the left. They are in my closet on the right-hand side. Bottoms are in the third drawer and the sweatshirts are hanging up. I'm going to go throw the salmon on."

 He headed out to the grill, and you made your way upstairs. The bedroom had pristine white walls, like the majority of the house. A massive four-poster king-size bed was done in shades of gray; it reminded of you the bed you shared long ago once. You shook yourself, as memories of that first time with Jamie came flooding back. There was no point in dwelling on that; you told yourself as you made your way into the huge walk-in closet. It was neatly arranged and you had to wonder if it was Jamie being meticulous or if he had a housekeeper that did all this for him. A shelf on the left side caught your eye. There were photos there nestled with his colognes. A picture of when he was drafted sat there, along with one from when he won his gold medal playing for Team Canada. At that moment, you realized you'd missed so much of his life. All these major life-changing events, that had things gone differently, you would've been part of, or at least you told yourself you would've. You sighed, feeling a heaviness in your chest that you didn't want to explore at the moment.

 Turning to the right, you went to grab the sweats like you were supposed to instead of digging around in Jamie's closet. You found them easily then moved down to grab a sweatshirt off the rack. You didn't really pay too much attention, just grabbed a Stars hoodie then started to head toward the bathroom to change. Again, photos caught your eye. These more personal. There was one of him with his mom and dad, that brought a smile to your face. You'd always loved his parents. Another was him with Jordie and Jenny, and still another with just him and Jenny's daughter. It was the one next to that, that made your breath hitch and your heart beat faster. It was a picture of the two of you, one of your favorites from Canada Day. You'd been out at the lake house with his family, and someone had candidly captured the two of you just staring happily into each other's eyes, a smile playing across both your faces. You remembered the moment like it was yesterday. That he would still have this picture was just….well, it was a lot to digest. You'd burned yours in a moment of anger weeks after what had happened, but Jamie, well apparently he kept his and still had it on display. What did this mean? Did he still have feelings for you? Did he still love you? Moreover, how did you feel about him now, after all this time? There were so many questions in your head, it was making you dizzy.

 You rushed into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on your face. Part of you wanted to run the two houses down to your home and lock the door behind you, but that would solve nothing. So instead, you inhaled deeply, getting control of your emotions just as you would before you entered the operating room. There was nothing between you and Jamie anymore, the two of you were just…well, you were trying to be friends, that's all this was. You quickly changed into his clothes, throwing your dress across the huge soaking tub, then you plopped your hair on top of your head in a messy bun. It was only then that you looked at yourself in the mirror. It was a reflection of your teenage self, the one that loved Jamie with her whole heart, but you weren't that girl. You were older and wiser, and you were not about to let your heart get trampled on by one Jamie Benn again. Squaring your shoulders, you headed back downstairs, where you'd pretend as if you hadn't seen the picture of the two of you that set your heart aflutter.

 When you entered the kitchen, Jamie's jaw dropped and you knew he was seeing that same version of your teenage self that you saw moments ago, though he recovered quickly. "You look more…comfortable."

 "I am. Thanks again for letting me borrow these." You decided to not mention, how they made you look, or feel for that matter. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

 "I've got it pretty much under control. Just prop up your feet, it'll be ready in a few."

 "It smells delicious."

 "Thanks."

 "When did you learn how to cook? Because from what I remember, you could barely boil water." It was true, he was never that great in the kitchen, but from the aroma, his skills had definitely improved.

 "Well, when you're on your own as long as I've been, you learn quick." He finished mixing, what looked like some sort of sauce before drizzling it over the asparagus that he'd broiled. "Besides, I can't burn off a large pizza the way I used. If I indulged in that every night, I'd have even more of a dad bod than I do now."

 "Oh stop, you do not have a dad bod. Trust me I've seen plenty of those and you're not it." With his toned arms and legs, he seemed more in shape than when he was sixteen years old. Well at least more defined. In fact, just looking at his thighs brought all sorts of wild fantasies to your mind. Oh my god, you needed to stop thinking of Jamie like this or there was going to be another sleepless night in your future.

 "Thanks," he answered back to your compliment. "Though I will never live down the nickname Chubbs."

 You laughed, like full-on belly laugh. "Oh my god, tell me that did not follow you around."

 "With Jordie on the same team," he said while rolling his eyes and joining in your laughter. "Of course, it did. It's fine though, actually, it'd be weird if people didn't call me that."

 "I'll have to remember that, Chubbs." He raised his eyebrow at you before stepping out to grab the salmon. This really was nice, the two of you just laughing and joking, maybe you could be friends after all.

 "Your dinner, madam," he said as he placed what looked like something out of a five-star restaurant in front of you, before sitting down in the chair beside you.

 "Wow, this looks amazing."

 "Well, it's not the celebration dinner you deserve for saving a kid's leg, but it will have to do." He raised his glass again towards you. "To an amazing doctor." He needed to stop making these toasts to you, as they made you blush every time.

 The conversation at dinner flowed easily, like two old friends who hadn't seen each other in ages, instead of two exes. You reminisced about old times and caught up on gossip from back home. It was all really refreshing, and you realized that you'd worried about moving to Dallas for no reason at all. You helped him clean up the dishes, then you both moved into the living room to finish up the bottle of wine. "I was thinking," Jamie told you. "I drew out the AAC a bit, that way if you're schedule gets too packed, you'd have somewhat of a map to get you around."

 There he went again, being all kind and sweet. A complete contrast to the man that you'd hated for the past fourteen years. "That's really nice of you. Let's have a look." He laid it out on the table and started to explain what parking garage to use and where that entrance would put you once you were inside. He was about midway through when the knot in your neck from surgery today, decided to stiffen a bit. You tilted your head to the right, then to the left; in an attempt to work it out.

 "Little stiff?"

 "Yeah, sometimes long hours in the OR, make my neck not want to hold my head up anymore."

 He chuckled then moved back against the side of the couch so that he could rub your shoulders. "Here let me."

 "You know, I'm supposed to be the one helping you out, not the other way around."

 "Yeah, well humor me." You turned, giving him your back. His hands were gentle as they kneaded the muscles there and you had to admit it felt really good. You could feel yourself relaxing back against him. "Scoot up for a second." You did as he asked and then he swung his one leg up so that you were now seated in between his legs, then he went back to working on your muscles. "Better?"

 "Mmm," you sighed out and let your eyes drift shut. It had been a long time since anyone had taken care of you the way that Jamie had tonight; cooking you dinner first and now this. He gently nudged you back against him, as your body grew heavy. Slowly, you drifted off to sleep. What you didn't know, was how Jamie settled you fully against his body, then grabbed the blanket that was strewn across the back of the couch to cover you up. Nor did you know how he pressed a kiss to your head, as his arms slid around your waist. He knew that he should probably wake you up, but he couldn't resist the opportunity to hold you in his arms even if it was for just a little bit. Jamie told himself that he'd just lay with you here for a little bit, let you rest for just a few minutes, but what he didn't plan on was falling asleep with you.

 You weren't sure what woke you, maybe it was the light snoring in your ear, but you found it hard to rouse yourself out of slumber. You were just too comfortable, too cozy, too content, to want to wake up. There was just this safe and secure feeling that you had that just kept lulling you back to sleep. But slowly, you came alive. You blinked a few times, trying to figure out where you were. This wasn't anything new, when you were an intern, you'd wake up all over the hospital depending upon where you fell asleep, and moving to Dallas you still weren't used to your new home, but nothing here looked at all familiar. It was then that you noticed, someone's arms around your midsection, and that you were sleeping on said person's chest. A light bulb went off in your head, and you realized that person was Jamie. Obviously, you'd fallen asleep at some point, you just didn't know why Jamie hadn't woken you up. Instead, he chose to fall asleep as well.

 You should be in a panic, but for some reason, your not. It just all feels so…right. Only it shouldn't feel that way at all. You shouldn't want his arms wrapped around you like they are, and you shouldn't like the gentle rise and fall of his chest as you lay against him, and you definitely shouldn't have your fingers interlaced with his, but you do. You actually could stay like this…well if you're being honest…forever, and that scares the living hell out of you. It's then you decide you have to get out there and you start to untangle your limbs from him. The movement waking Jamie. "Mmhmm," he hums sleepily and for some reason, your heart flutters at the sound. His hands tighten around your waist and you don't cringe like you should, but if you stay here any longer, you don't know what will happen.

 "Jamie," you whisper. "Jame."

 His eyes peek open as you turn and look at him. There's a slow smile that comes to his lips, that just sends heat to your core. Fuck, you need to get out of here. Then realization dawns on him, "Oh shit, I must have fallen asleep." He's scrambling now and so are you. "I'm sorry….I only meant to let you sleep for a bit." Oh, so he didn't mean to hold you all night and make you feel cherished? Why does your heart sink at that knowledge?

 "It's ok, but I should really be going." You're a little stiff as you get up off the couch and look around the kitchen for your purse, noticing that it's five in the morning. "I need to get ready for rounds at the hospital."

 His hands go to the back of his neck, then comes around the rake down the front of his face. "I'm really sorry…"

 "Jamie, it's fine. I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have fallen asleep on you like that." You slip back into your heels then head towards the front door. "Thank you again for dinner."

 "Anytime," he mumbles and there's this look of confusion on his face. You can't decide if it's about waking up with you in his arms or if he's still not fully awake yet, but you're not going to ask, as you open the door and slip out. "Hey (Y/NN)." You turn back around the minute you hear his voice. "I'll call you," he tells you, and damnit if your heart isn't beating faster again, like your fifteen and the prospect of this hot hockey player calling you is just doing weird things to your insides that medical science can't explain. "About rescheduling the tour."

 "Right, the tour," you muttered and suddenly, it's not as romantic as it all seemed a moment ago. "Yeah, we definitely need to do that. Thanks again." You shut the car door so fast and drive the two houses down, which looks completely stupid, as Jamie stands on his front porch watching you, making sure you get inside ok.

 What the hell just happened? It's the only question you can think of as you drag yourself up to the ensuite in your bedroom, so you can wash your face. You grab a cloth and turn the water on, your mind trying to digest the last ten minutes. You just spent the night with Jamie Benn, and you're not mad about it. You're not mad about it at all and that's frightening. A week ago, you didn't want to be in the same room with him for five minutes. Now, you were laughing over dinner and falling asleep in his arms. Jesus, what were you thinking? You look up at yourself in the mirror and all you can see is his damn hoodie and sweats on you. You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, but instead, all you can do is smell him. He's on your clothes, well of course he is, they're his, you idiot. You swear when you pull your hair all the way down from its even messier bun that your hair smells of him too. And when you close your eyes you can feel him; his arms wrapped around you holding you close, and damn if you don't want that again.

 "NO," you yell out to yourself in the mirror. "No, no, no." He's not good for you. He'll break your heart. Your mind knows all these things and still, your heart is trying to open the door and let him in. This can't happen, you need a plan. No, what you need is someone to remind you how he broke your heart.

 You pick up your phone and dial your best friend, Emma. She'd been with you through the whole breakup with Jamie and remained by your side through every dumb mistake you made afterward. Emma had even moved to the east coast, when you went to John Hopkins, though she'd met the love of her life there and was now engaged. You knew it was early, but you also knew that your best friend would answer the phone if it was you who was calling. "Hello, sunshine," she answered all cheerful and it only put you in a fouler mood.

 "Really? How are you this happy in the morning?"

 "You know I've always been a morning person. Now, please tell me what happened with Jamie."

 "How do you know something happened with him?" It was truly baffling how she could just read you like an open book.

 "Why else would you call me at six-thirty in the morning? Tell me he's not breaking your heart already?"

 "It's worse." You pause trying to figure out the best way to tell her. "I think I'm falling for him again."

 "Get out!" She shouted at you through the telephone. "It's been like what ten days?"

 "God, when you put it like that, it sounds insane."

 "It's not insane (Y/N)." At least Emma didn't think you were crazy for possibly falling back in love with Jamie. "You two have history, like big-time history, and that just doesn't go away overnight. The question is what do you want to do about it?"

 "I don't know, Em." It was true, you were so conflicted about whether you should just shut Jamie out completely, or open your heart just one more time. You were hoping your best friend could shed some light on the situation.

 "Well, then I think I have your solution." You waited patiently for her to tell you what it was. "You know what they say, in order to get over someone, you need to get under someone." Had you heard her right, did she really just tell you to go out and have sex with someone random?  

.

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

I've been so excited to write for the Mystic Messenger Reverse Big Bang 2021 (go check out other amazing fics and art in the collection at @mysme-rbb), and it's the first fanfic/art event I've participated in! @madiebelleadventures and I teamed up to brainstorm this beast, so her art is at the very end (because I ain't spoilin nothin)!

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Rating: T

Word Count: 5.1k

Summary: One day after the end of a work week, Vanderwood surprises MC with some husband-wife baking time—with a twist. Inspired by his agent training, he suggests that they bake as a team but have MC blindfolded. In order to make a cake that's actually edible, she must follow his directions to the letter. All that's left after that is chaos, banter, and spouse-flustering. And figuring out how to actually make a cake.

A/N: Fyi MC is definitely more of her own character than a reader-insert on this one. Also as per usual with me, I headcanon Vanderwood as British, so I tried heavily to align his phrasing accordingly, despite being an American myself. Enjoy seeing exactly how much fluff I can possibly cram into 5k words!

MC sighed happily at the feeling of the wind in her hair as she drove home from work one Friday evening. Windows down, jacket off, music blasting—the air itself felt like freedom. She had nothing against her job—in fact, she enjoyed it for the most part. She prided herself in a job well done, she liked being able to manage a team of her own, and the paycheck and benefits were good. Nothing extravagant, of course, but enough to comfortably support a couple newlyweds.

And that was the real reason MC nearly jumped out the door every day when everything wrapped up at the office. Who wouldn't, with a husband as unfairly hot as Vanderwood? Completely unfair how he could make leopard print and what was practically a mullet actually look attractive. Thank goodness his fashion sense had mellowed out over time, if only a little bit. With Vanderwood's past being what it was, they had mutually come to the conclusion that it would be best for their well-being if he stayed at their apartment during the day to keep the household running. He was very particular about how he cooked, cleaned, and did the laundry, and he handled their finances conscientiously and precisely. Admittedly, she did have to occasionally remind him that as sleek as that new top-of-the-line taser was, there was no real need for it, but that was just part of her husband's charm.

And boy, was he charming.

She truly couldn't wait to get home, past this rush hour traffic. She'd get home and be pulled in for a deep kiss moments after walking in the door. Maybe he'd slip a gentle but insistent hand into her hair. Maybe they'd take it a little further. Or a lot further.

"HOLY FUDGE NUGGETS ON BACON ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME???"

MC swerved to avoid a collision and waited for her heartbeat to settle down again. There was no freaking way she was going to die in some stupid car wreck before their date tonight. A surprise, he'd said. No matter how hard she'd tried to weasel more out of him, he wouldn’t bend. Darn agent training. Good thing it wouldn't be a surprise for much longer. Within minutes, the streets got smaller and quieter as she neared her apartment building. Another minute, and she flung open the apartment door and leapt on her husband.

MC's fantasies were soon replaced by an even better reality when Vanderwood's lips landed on hers. Kissing back enthusiastically, MC wrapped her arms around his middle so tight that a less sturdy man would be coughing for air. Vanderwood snatched her keys and purse and hung them by the doorway, never breaking his focus for a second. His kisses grew slower, but no less fervent, as he smoothed her wind-strewn hair. Eventually, their lips reluctantly parted, and MC broke the silence.

"How did I manage to snag the best kisser on earth on top of marrying the most insanely attractive man on earth?"

Vanderwood smirked. "Good taste, I guess." He kissed her once more soundly for good measure.

"Maybe. Will my insanely attractive husband tell me what our surprise date is now?"

"Perhaps."

"No perhapses! I've been dying waiting!"

"Very well. Start by changing your clothes, because I am not scrubbing stains out of your good work clothes."

"Do I otherwise have to wear anything in particular? That's not a lot to go off of."

"Doesn't matter to me. Now go change before I do the job myself."

"I wouldn't complain."

"This is not that kind of date! Go!"

"Fine, Sir Panties-in-a-bunch."

MC went to the bedroom and took stock of her clothing options. She had to choose something practical that could be easily washed, but she still wanted to look a little cute. After all, it was a date. It was a tough balance to strike. Eh, she could always stick an apron or an old shirt over it. She grabbed her oversized paint shirt just in case before snagging a light pink shirt. Now for the bottoms. She debated on a simple skirt, but decided to go for it. After all, if it didn't fit with Vanderwood's plans, he would tell her. MC changed quickly and weaved her hair into a side braid, slipping a tendril out on each side to frame her face. Mirror-MC nodded in approval. Time to see what on earth her husband had been planning.

She cracked open the door and peeked through before skipping over to Vanderwood, who had made himself comfortable on the couch. His amber eyes widened in interest.

"You have no business looking this pretty for a baking date."

MC grinned. "Ha! I did get it out of you! A baking date sounds cute. What made you think of that? Are you just really getting into the whole house husband gig?"

"It was my agent training, actually." Seeing the puzzled look on his wife's face, Vanderwood continued, "There's a bit of a twist to it, you see. I will hardly be doing any of the actual baking. You, my dear, on the other hand, will be completely blindfolded. You will have to follow my instructions explicitly, or else the result will be completely inedible."

"I still fail to see how the setup doesn't sound like 'that kind of date', but it sounds like fun! What does this have to do with your agent training, though?"

"Various exercises used similar techniques. Many times in the field, we had to follow orders to the letter with no questions asked if we wanted to make it out in one piece. We also did training to be able to operate blindly or in the dark if our vision was compromised. But none of it was as enjoyable as watching a beautiful woman bake a cake by pure trust."

"You're such a flatterer. Keep it coming," MC smirked.

"At least get into the kitchen first," Vanderwood said, handing her a blindfold that looked suspiciously like his nap mask.

"Okay, but if you don't want me in the kitchen until I'm blindfolded, you're gonna have to get my apron yourself."

"I thought I was the one giving out orders tonight?"

"A girl's gotta get her kicks somewhere."

"Such a docile wife I have. Never difficult, never demanding."

"You think it's sexy. Don't even try to deny it."

"I would have filed for immediate divorce if the description 'docile' actually fit you." He stepped into the kitchen and emerged a moment later with the apron. MC slipped it on and, after ducking briefly into the bathroom to wash her hands, covered her eyes with the blindfold.

"I'm at your mercy now. Don't abuse that privilege."

He materialized behind her, winding his arms around her waist. "I wouldn't dream of it," he murmured into her ear before attacking her stomach. MC burst into uncontrollable giggles.

"I swear—!" she giggled "—I swear I'm going to punch the living daylights out of you!"

"You're certainly welcome to try. You know I wouldn't even feel it."

"But I could try. How am I supposed to trust you to give me decent directions to bake whatever the heck we're making if I can't even trust you not to tickle me?"

"You don't. That's the thrill of it."

"You'd better have me make something actually edible for all our trouble."

"That all depends on how well you follow my instructions."

"And how decent your instructions are. Let's not forget that tiny detail," she reminded.

"Hmm, we'll see," The smile was evident in his voice. "Now if we're going to start, we need to go ahead and do it."

"Probably."

He guided MC by her upper arms into the narrow kitchen.

"Fortunately," he said, halting and holding her in place, "we're only baking a cake and not an entire meal, so it won't take an eternity."

"I sure hope not! It's pizza night and I'm already a little hungry!"

He wound his hands around his wife's waist, lightly patting her stomach. "Well, the faster we start, the faster we can eat. I've already laid everything out for you as best I can, so you just have to follow my directions, all right, love?"

"Got it."

"All right, can you feel the worktop?" A nod. "Raise your right hand just a bit...and over…now grab the box with the cake mix, because heaven knows neither of us knows or cares enough to make it from scratch. Got it? Now open it up. The mixing bowl is straight to the left. Go ahead and pour it in."

"Just so you know, if I spill anything, you're the one taking responsibility."

"And why is that, darling?" Vanderwood asked, feigning shock.

"Because you're the one who had this idea in the first place! Not to mention if I make a mess it’s because of your faulty directions."

Unfortunately, MC failed to prove her point, pouring the mix into the bowl and barely spilling a few crumbs.

"Looks like we may not have to worry about that," Vanderwood smirked.

"You have met me, right? You know something's going to get spilled, right?"

Ignoring her, he moved the empty box toward the back and continued, "The milk should be right around where the cake mix was, if you can remember where you just were. The measuring jug is right next to it. Do you think you can pour it in correctly?"

"We'll see, now won't we?"

"There you go. Just try to take it slowly, just in case, and stop when I say so."

MC obeyed, gradually tilting the milk jug until a thin stream hit the center of the measuring cup.

"Brilliant! Now careful, careful, slightly to the left...that's it! Now slow down...almost done...stop!" He kissed her cheek. "That was amazing. Now pour it into the bowl."

MC felt around for the mixing bowl again. She managed to find it and poured in the milk. "Where's the cap for the milk jug?"

"Hm...where did it go? Oh, there it is. Right by the sink."

She batted at the air around her right side to find the inside of the sink. Instead, her hand bumped the side of the milk jug. Vanderwood's hand shot out to catch it, but a small puddle had already sloshed onto the counter. MC's hand shot up to take off the blindfold, but Vanderwood caught her wrist first. She sighed.

"Vandy, give it to me straight. How bad is it?"

"Not bad at all. I caught it before much got out. Stay put for a moment while I wipe it up so it doesn't start to smell or dry up."

"Not to say I told you, but I definitely told you."

Her husband stuck out his tongue at her—one of the few ways he had begun to let himself be childish lately. Then the obvious dawned on him. "I'm sticking out my tongue. I thought you ought to know that."

"Crucial information. Are you done yet?"

"Yep. You ready to get your hands a little dirty?"

"Isn't that expected in all this?"

"That's probably a large part of why you demanded an apron first, yes."

"You would be right about that, also yes. And you're so dramatic. I did not demand."

"Up to interpretation. Reach up to the left of the mixing bowl and just grab it off the plate and toss it in."

As instructed, MC reached over and let out a tiny shriek when her hand came into contact with the soft butter. Vanderwood guffawed.

"I was waiting for that."

MC gasped. "You did this on purpose!" She flung the butter into the bowl with an extra dash of vindictiveness.

"Maybe so. I like hearing your reactions," he purred.

"Don't try to be all smooth when you're being a twit. It doesn't suit you," MC sniffed, then muttered under her breath, "actually it totally works for you but it doesn't make me less ticked at you."

"By the way, don't bother trying to wash your hands just yet. The next part is probably going to be the messiest. I'll go get the bin so it'll be close by for you."

"Appreciated. What's the next part?"

"Eggs."

"Yikes, okay. That's why I needed the trash can, then. And where are the eggs?"

"To your left. You're going to need four of them. I read somewhere that adding an extra egg makes it better, hypothetically."

"You're the one giving the instructions."

"Alright, the bin is to your left, whenever you're ready."

"I could hear the thunk when you set it down, but thank you," MC said wryly.

"I live to serve."

There was silence for a moment as MC cracked the first egg into the bowl, and a soft smile rose on her face like the dawn. "Not anymore, you don't. I thank God every day that you and Saeyoung were able to free yourselves from the agency. I never could have forgotten you even if you hadn't, but I never would have known the immense joy I've gotten to have by being your wife." She sniffed, then laughed. "Sorry for being so sentimental all of a sudden, I don't know what got into me. It's just that knowing how many things could have gotten between us makes me that much more grateful for what we have."

"Ah!" Vanderwood shot a hand out to correct the second egg's trajectory into the mixing bowl.

"Oops, thank you."

"No problem, love. We're a team." He settled against her back, rubbing her arms lightly and placing a tender kiss on her cheek. "And never feel sorry for your so-called sentimentality. In fact, I really think you hold back sometimes. You shouldn't. I know that I used to scoff at these things, but locking out your emotions for job after job really takes a toll on a man. The agency had no room for love of any sort, and I've long come to the realization that every person is hardwired to desire love of one kind or another. I know I'm still unlearning all of my coping mechanisms, and I know I'm still sharp with some people, but with you?" He smoothed a hair back from her face. "I'll take whatever love you can give me."

She cracked the third egg into the bowl and threw out the shell. "I always knew you could be a softie, very deep down. I'm just glad that I get to be the one to see it."

After the fourth egg was in the bowl, Vanderwood directed, "Okay, time to wash up. The next thing is mixing for two minutes. While I love you, I do not trust you to use an electric mixer while blindfolded, so you're going to use a whisk for that job."

"I suppose that's fair. Can you put away the trash can while I wash my hands?"

"Already on it."

"Where's the whisk, again?"

"I kind of put it toward the back, so either be careful or wait for me to move a few things."

"Oh, I've got it. Don't worry," MC waved a hand in dismissal and groped around for the whisk, but her arm was a bit too low, and she dipped her clothed elbow in the plate where the butter had been. She sighed. "What did I just decorate my elbow with?"

"Butter. Try it. It might be tasty," he teased.

"Come on, Vandy, this is not the time. Help me get it off before it soaks in too much."

"Alright, alright, I just had to pick on you a little bit for not listening to me." He carefully scooped off the top layer of the butter with a paper towel before trying to absorb the rest. "I'm going to roll up your sleeves a bit more so that this hopefully won't happen again."

"Well, not until I slosh half the cake out of this bowl trying and failing to mix it."

"You'll be fine. Just stick to mixing the center and bringing the outside of it toward the center so everything gets mixed. But mix it well and mix it fast. The timer starts...now!"

MC held the bowl against her stomach to steady it while she mixed the batter vigorously. "Easy for you to say. You're not the one trying to mix furiously while keeping it all in the bowl on top of being blindfolded!"

"Calm down, you're doing great. A couple drips, maybe, but it's staying in."

"So far, anyway. But that's good, I guess."

"No guessing. It's quite good." Vanderwood leaned against the counter. "We've got a minute and a half to kill. Should I spend it telling you how you look right now?"

"Oh gosh, do I even want to know?"

He shook his head in near disbelief, smiling. "Magnetic. Adorable. More delicious than the cake we're making."

MC cackled. "You cannot be serious. I've got to be a mess right now."

"You act as if that's a contradiction. It's the mess that makes you more beautiful. Is every single hair of yours in place? No. But they fall around your face in the most delicately beautiful way. Even the places where the ingredients got smudged on you somehow add to your charm." He leaned in so that his lips touched her ear, his voice lowering to a gravelly timbre. "Did you know that your cheeks are all rosy from the effort you're putting into stirring? It's unbelievably attractive. And the way your lips press together when you're concentrating? It makes me want to kiss them apart. In fact—"

"Vanderwood, how much time is left?" MC interrupted, suppressing a vivid blush and a shiver.

"Our entire lives," he said, happily ignoring the real question.

"The timer, Vanderwood. How much is left on the timer?"

The sound of the timer going off answered the question for him. "None," he grinned. "I'll go spray the cake pan while you rest for a moment. You've earned it."

She exhaled, set the mixing bowl aside, and stretched. Then a thought made her panic. "Vandy, we forgot to preheat the oven."

He held her face in his hands. "MC. Darling. Breathe. I set the oven when I grabbed the apron."

Her breathing gradually slowed. "Sorry, love. I'm just really hungry and kind of tired and I think not being able to see is doing weird things to my brain and you kind of flustered me a minute ago with what you were saying and I'm sorry, I—" her voice cracked, but Vanderwood cut her off and held her close.

"Hey...hey...you're alright. There's nothing to be sorry about. I kept you going after a long day of work without feeding you first. I should have known better." He smoothed her hair and tucked it into her braid. "I'll tell you what. How about we get this cake in the oven and then order some pizza and watch another episode of Cucumber Fish?"

MC sniffled and hummed in agreement. Vanderwood loosened his hold around her and gently brought her hands to the bowl again before grabbing the cake pan. "Okay, all you've got to do now is pour it into the pan that I've put just to the left of the bowl. Just take it nice and easy. There you go. Perfect. You're almost done. Now let me get a spatula to scoop the last of it out." After he finished, he slid the cake pan into the oven and started the timer. "There. All done." He slipped the mask off her eyes and gave her a peck on the lips as she blinked to adjust to the light. "I'll clean all this up, alright? Go ahead and relax on the sofa. You can order the pizza and get Cucumber Fish queued up while I finish up in here."

"Okay," she murmured. Another peck, and she curled up on the couch. She pulled out her phone to order the pizza and smiled at the notifications she'd gotten from the RFA chatroom. They were up to their normal antics again. Hopefully, Saeyoung wouldn't exasperate Saeran too much with his crazy propositions. But there was nothing she could do about that, and she was starving and in desperate need of pizza. Once it was ordered, she turned on the TV and selected the episode, making sure to let it run past the ads before pausing it.

After Vanderwood joined her on the couch, the next forty-five minutes was filled with lots of cuddling and pizza devouring, more kissing than watching the show, a few glances at the cake's progress, an agreement to actually watch the episode while they ate the cake, and several minutes of cooling time after the cake was removed from the oven. Vanderwood emerged from the kitchen after a few minutes of setting up to decorate.

"Are you sure you want to put on the mask again?" he asked. "I don't want it to mess with your head like it did last time."

"I'll be fine, babe. I'm pretty sure it was like that last time just because I was starving."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes."

"If you say so. Go ahead and get them on, then," he said, handing MC the apron and mask.

"Just make sure to lead me into the kitchen again."

"Hmm, we'll see."

"We'll see?" she repeated, but shrieked soon after when she no longer felt the ground beneath her feet. Vanderwood had scooped her up to carry her into the kitchen bridal-style and sank his lips against hers with intentionality. He bumped into the counter but managed to avoid any damage to his wife. He deposited one last kiss on her lips before setting her down.

"What have you done to me, woman? Years and years of agent skills, undone in a moment. If it were anything or anyone else, I never would have bumped into that worktop. But when it's you kissing me, you're the only thing that exists." He grinned. "It's a shame, really. I thought my dexterity was an impressive skill, but I don't even have that anymore, it seems."

"Shame indeed," MC parroted, trying to steal another kiss from his lips and stealing one from his nostrils instead. She made a face, causing Vanderwood to laugh.

"Well, at least I still have the ability to order you around." MC smacked him in response, and he continued, "Alright, alright, let's get to it then. This is where it'll get really interesting, since decorating requires more precision. Which, no offense, is a skill you don't have, since you're not exactly used to being blind."

"Now wait just a—okay, I can't argue that," MC sighed. He placed a spatula in one hand and a jar of frosting in her other.

"Turn around. Can you find where the cake is?"

"Ye—wait, Vandy! I thought you said you cleaned up!"

"I did…sort of." Before she could protest, he interjected, "I wiped the worktop! I just pushed all the dishes to one side so we could put all of it in the dishwasher at once when we were done!" He added with a mumble, "I just wanted to get back to you."

"You think you can charm your way out of anything," MC responded airily. "Well, you're right." She squared up as best she could with a frosting jar in hand. "I found the cake. I'll try to do my best."

"Well, in this part, I won't let you go completely solo. I can rotate the cake for you as you go, if you want."

"Please."

MC scooped a large helping of frosting from the jar and started spreading around the perimeter. Her spatula made a slight detour for a moment to donate some frosting to the top of the cake, and Vanderwood halted and reversed his rotation slightly to avoid confusion. A few seconds later, she went for another, slightly smaller, scoop to finish frosting the circumference of the cake. Another scoop, added to the deposit from the first, finished off the top.

"Is there a big corner around the top edge? Or any dry spots?" she asked.

"Just a slight corner. Grab a little bit more frosting to round it off a bit and thicken the top."

She did as directed while he helped rotate, and stepped back. "Better?"

"Much better. Maybe we can add a little artistic touch by making some...what do you call them? Swoops? Around the sides from the top?"

"Sounds great. You're definitely going to have to help me, though."

"Alright, I'll rotate again and stop you when you're done. Then you can smooth off the top edge again quick."

Six slightly lopsided arcs later, he stepped back for a moment, observing. "This is certainly not the prettiest cake I've seen, but it all adds to the fun, yeah?"

"I guess," she laughed.

"Now here's the part that'll really get a laugh when you take off the blindfold. I've got a bowl over here with some frosting for smaller decorating, and you get to pick the food coloring that goes in it."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes," he snickered while guiding her over to a trio of colored bottles that she couldn't discern. "Take your pick," he said cheerily. MC gingerly selected one, and he suppressed a snort poorly. "Excellent choice!"

MC groaned. "I'm going to regret all my life choices, aren't I?"

"Of course not! Only your decision to marry me."

"Hey." She squeezed his wrist. "I could never regret that."

"You might reevaluate that statement when you take off the blindfold and see the cake. Or at least my ugly mug."

"Vanderwood. Don't you even start with me. You're so hot that if we were working with chocolate instead of a cake, we wouldn't need the microwave to melt it."

"You're so hot that the beach would need sunblock instead of you."

"You're so hot that the sun goes to you when it needs to warm up."

They collapsed against each other, gasping for air. Vanderwood caught his breath first. "Let's get this food coloring in the bowl, shall we? The spoon and frosting are already in it. All you have to do is put a few drops in and stir until I say so. The bowl's on your left."

"As you wish," she said as she did so.

After a few moments, he spoke. "That's enough. Let me get you back over to the cake, and I'll get the frosting in the decorating bag. Which is really just an ordinary plastic bag, but I did pick up some cheap decorating tips when I got the ingredients."

"Splendid. How am I going to decorate, though? Even if I could see, I don't know the first thing about cake decorating. Oh yeah, and I can't see."

"Don't get your 'panties in a bunch,' as you like to tell me so often. I'll do it with you this time."

"But you don't know how to decorate cakes, either!"

"Ah-ah-ah!” he chided. “Do you trust me or not?"

"Not particularly."

"Hey!"

"But! We should just go ahead and do it anyway, because even though neither of us knows what we're doing, we're the only ones in this apartment who can. And the frosting smells too good not to eat soon."

"That's my girl." Vanderwood curled around her. He molded one hand around hers and slid the other over her stomach. As they formed a few swirls on the top, he murmured, "We did this whole thing together. How impressive is that? Was it as fun for you as it was for me?"

MC smiled. "Of course it was. I know I got a little hangry for a bit there, but I know how much thought you put into this. None of my old deadbeat ex-boyfriends ever would have cared so much, let alone shown it. These are the things that make me love you that much more."

"I never experienced any permanent love until you showed it to me. And it's been so...world-altering—that I've been trying to wrap my head around it ever since. I still can't. But I swear I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to give you the same love you've given me. I certainly don't deserve it, after the things I've done. But you do. You deserve all the happiness a person can have."

MC paused and blushed slightly. "Vandy…" She exhaled. "We've gone over this whole 'not deserving it' thing. Whether you deserve it or not doesn't matter. To me, what matters is your heart. You have such a beautiful heart, Vandy. I love the kind of man you've become. I've seen you strive every day to be better than you were the day before, and that is so inspiring."

"Well, whether or not I deserve happiness, I would choose to be happy every day if my being happy made you happy." He squeezed her hip affectionately and pulled her in for a tender kiss.

"It would." She kissed him back. They added one last swirl and a border before they set down the bag of frosting. He uncurled her fingers and fiddled with her wedding ring.

"Are you ready to see it?"

"Sure."

He slipped off the blindfold, and she gasped.

"What have we done?" she exclaimed as her laughing grew louder by the second.

"Whatever do you mean, dear?" Vanderwood asked, feigning ignorance.

"The cake is bright flaming orange, Vandy!" She let out a snort, then covered her face. "Hey, wait! All the food coloring was the same color too, you little twit!"

He shrugged innocently. MC sputtered. "Nuh-uh. Don't you shrug at me, mister. Saeyoung has rubbed off on you way too much."

"Has not."

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe the tiniest bit."

"Uh huh, that's what I thought. Now are you as ready as I am to eat this cake and watch Cucumber Fish?"

"Let me take a picture first. And another one with you in it? You look so lovely, I can't not have one with you in it."

She tried desperately to keep a frown on her face as he snapped a picture but couldn't quite hold back the quirk at the corner of her mouth. He cut a slice for each of them and handed one to her. He curled the paper plate around his slice, and she did likewise. They looked each other in the eyes, both knowing exactly what would come next. Vanderwood solidified his stance. "Ready...steady...GO!" The couple raced to the living room and took a running jump onto the couch, ready for the wonderful night ahead.