#ily 😘😘😘

[xayspancakeee]

happy national boyfriend(s) day °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[wahgifs]

5 STAR DOME TOUR 2023: OSAKA DAY 2 | HYUNJIN

[lovvecherrymotion]

Some JO for you so you don't forget their faces in these trying times 😔

julia, my darling, thank you so much, because at this point i don't even know if i can recognize them anymore

does anyone know a joker out????

[ogre-2]

[zerosuitsammi3]

Hi y'all! 👋 I just want to put a huge thank you out there to everyone!!!

I'm sure you all have begun to notice a different back drop in most of my selfies. I have officially found a new place to live and I absolutely could not have done it without the love and support of this community. I can't begin to thank you all enough. That being said I'm not completely out of the water just yet. The moving costs were a bit higher than I estimated. And my biggest concern is that in September I have to pay the rent for both my new apartment and old apartment. This time around I absolutely DO NOT want to ask for donations. But I do need to earn up an extra $1000 to pay my final month's rent for the old apartment avoid receiving an eviction mark on my rental record. So.....

I am doing a limited time content sale!!!

Normally my content is $50 a piece but for a limited time you can get 10 whole contents for $100. Limited to the first 10 people who buy the content (unless this just goes crazy but im not expecting it to do so) so please please please if you've ever wanted to see content from me this is your best opportunity.

Cashapp - $zerosuitsammi3

Venmo - @zerosuitsammi3

Paypal - @zerosuitsammi3

Must include tumblr screen name in purchase to receive content!!!

2 of 10 content sets sold

Only 8 remaining

[pedroslakersshirt]

[foulbearobservation]

Lilith dies on a cold morning, held in the hands of those she loves.

Heat doesn’t bother Lilith anymore. A silent reminder that she isn’t dead. Can’t really say that she’s alive either, instead she’s here. Writhing underneath the frigidity of the divinium buried deep within her chest cavity. She can feel the heat building within her, an attempt by cells that are no longer hers to heal the damage.

Camila’s above her.

There’s blood on her cheek, smeared where Lilith had grabbed her. It’s small, dark red flecked in small stars of blue, just underneath the curve of a cheekbone. Discolored skin underneath her left eye, an angry red blossoming across her orbital cavity, her eye. She’s beautiful, distended above her, and some irrational part of Lilith wants to reach up and kiss her.

Fingers twitch within her, and her body reacts. Torso chasing after blood-soaked hands, begging to be touched, to be full of something. Lilith rolls her head back as smooth gloves trace over exposed scales.

A whimper escapes from parted lips.

“I’m sorry,” Camila breathes, barely audible underneath the steady and slow heartbeat filling her head.

“It’s okay,” Lilith gasps.

There’s a gentleness to the way Camila reenters her, reverence in her movements. Lilith feels her brush against the curve of her rib cage. Closes her eyes as another piece of divinium dislodges itself from muscle at the coxing of fingers. Shivers as heat rushes in to replace it. It’s warm and familiar and she wants to stay here. Suspended on the cusp of death, and she wonders if this is how Shannon had felt.

“Lilith,” the voice above her calls, a hand warm against her jaw. The blood’s sticky as it sinks into the pores, “Open your eyes.”

She obeys, simple and easy, eyes fluttering open to see Camila leaning over her. A slight indent forming across her forehead, Lilith’s hand comes up, draws a thumb across it. If only to soothe the skin, to say yes, I am here. Small stars blink to life across skin. There’s something striking as the blue reflects in Camila’s eyes.

“Don’t close your eyes please.”

“Okay.”

Another set of hands gently brings her arm down, they’re cooler than that of Camila. Gentle and firm underneath her scales as they crack a few. It burns as they brush them aside, a sudden cold wetness across the plane of skin.

“I’m sorry,” Beatrice whispers, breath warm against Lilith’s ear. Slight warmth builds in her stomach, heavy and hot, an inferno building in the cracks of coldness.

“Bea,” Lilith says, nearly begs as frigidity slips underneath her tissue. It sits cold amongst the heat of veins. A shock that would have taken her breath away if hands weren’t already wrapped around the smooth tissue. There’s a throb as it’s pulled as quickly as it arrived. Her fingers grasp at the curve of Beatrice’s hip, finding purchase against the bony portion of her crest.

Beatrice’s lips are warm against hers as she tugs the other woman towards her. Sweet as she remembers, not overbearing but pleasant like honey. Another divinium piece pulls itself from muscle, and she moans against Beatrice’s mouth. She follows those lips as her lover pulls away. Blue fills the cavity of the van as Beatrice braces herself against the ceiling. Constellations lighting up the night, strange and familiar, a latticework hidden in Lilith’s life blood. The bag of saline cascading distorted blue where Beatrice clings to it.

“I’m here, sorry,” Beatrice reassures, cold hands joining warm ones on her chest. Lilith shutters at the contact.

“Please,” Lilith prays.

Lilith dies on a cold morning, Camila’s hands buried deep in her chest cavity, Beatrice attempting to stabilize her.

She’s full as Beatrice takes over for Camila. Her fingers fishing for pieces of shrapnel. It doesn’t hurt as she would think, to be full of something is better than the relentless coldness. To be full of someone like Beatrice is all she craves, to be the center of her attention, on the other end of her knife point. It’s what she deserves, it’s what she was created for.

Her head rolls into Camila’s touch as her fingers drag across cartilage. Pads pressing into the pulse point, counting slowly.

Her heart stops, briefly, as Beatrice wraps her hand around it. It squeezes, stops, and there’s finally silence in Lilith’s ears. She’s not afraid. Dark red nearly black hands pull out of her chest cavity. Lilith watches Beatrice holds a large piece of shrapnel aloft, she wants her back. After a second, her heart begins to beat again.

Lilith tastes sweetness beyond compare as Ava leans over her. Lips soft as they take hers, hands burning as they rest against the sides of her head. Everything burning underneath the touch of scaredness. It’s gentle, the way Ava asks for more, how she hooks her fingers underneath the mandible. Heat racing with each kiss, settling into circulation.

Another pull, another bump as the driver turns a corner. There’s a whimper, a soft hush, and Lilith’s eyes flutter shut. Allowing the warmth of divinity to course through her, falling into the rhythm of Ava.

“Lilith,” Ava breathes in the moments she pulls away, “you’re going to be okay.”

Lilith dies with the small pinks of sunrise. Beatrice’s hands salvaging the mess of sinew, bone, and divinium. Camila, attempting to stabilize her, her hand grasp around the curve of Lilith’s wrist and cartilage. Ava putting her faith in her, coursing salvation through her.

Lilith finds salvation in the back of a van, in the hands of those she loves.

It's fitting then, that they do not allow Lilith to die in a way that matters. That they drag her back from the edge, as they always do.

Lilith wakes slightly at some point in the dark, when someone climbs into the hospital bed with her. She catches just faintly a soft, chiding, "Ava" followed by a sigh when the figure next to her doesn't move. A slight giggle from... someone (Camila maybe? It takes her longer and longer to put herself back together every time. Her mind always comes back to her last.) convinces Lilith's fight or flight reflex that she's safe here.

Lilith wakes, somehow alive, beautifully fully conscious at last, when afternoon light creeps through the curtains.

Ava is curled up under her left arm, drooling slightly onto her hospital gown. Beatrice has pulled a chair next to Lilith's bed and washed up. Her hands, now holding a book that she isn't focusing on, hold no trace of the dark red lifeblood they did in the van. She has her legs kicked up onto the edge of Lilith's bed, Camila is laying on top of Bea curled up in an oversized sweatshirt that Lilith vaguely recognizes as her own.

Beatrice is staring directly at her, book laid softly on Camila's back. "How are you feeling?" She whispers.

"Like I died and went to heaven." Lilith croaks out.

Lilith lives, then, in the way Beatrice's mouth curls into a smile.

"At least Saint Peter still has sense and sent you back." The joke is comfortable, a well worn exchange between them. "Return to sender."

[silviakundera]

DRAMA REC: So I feel like any real review of Thai drama Moonlight Chicken is hard without heavy spoilers because honestly I don't know how to talk about what makes me passionate about it without discussing all the character relevations that occur over the course of its 8 episodes. I'll try to be generic as much as I can.

The thing about why it's hard to discuss without spoilers is that the characters and their full baggage are revealed slowly episode by episode, because like in real life you often learn about new friends & love interests slowly as intimacy deepens...

But from what I can see online, it's very subjective for viewers - depends on the person if they find these themes and personal challenges compelling or not. This doesn't fit with the typical "BL asian drama" format.

My personal viewing stake: There's an otp that has TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN. I have been searching for this energy ever since finishing Lighter & Princess. Gotta confess that I couldn't care less about the second couple who are teenagers. Apparently MDL and a lot of tumblr only liked the teen couple (valid!), but I just skipped over them mostly because when my brain locks in on Real Adults with Adult Problems I often cease to connect to high school student storylines. But the age gap couple with a 39 year old character who is FEELING his age... Jim & Wen. I've watched all 8 episodes now and they are like cocaine to me.

Ep 1 setup: We're not in Bangkok! (gasp) Jim is almost-40 and runs a late night diner in the less upscale part of town. Wen, about 10 years younger, is drunk at his diner as he's trying to close for the night. They pick up on the unspoken signals, instant electric connection, and end up wandering back to Jim's place and having what looks like fantastic sex together (without exchanging names).

But then after that first night, in the remaining 7 ep of the show you get a slowburn build up from zero as Jim doesn't want a relationship - with anyone. This is truly, sincerely a 'it's not you, it's me" situation. He is mired in baggage and the angst is SO DELICIOUS to me. Angst and soft hand touches and late night conversation. There's YEARNING. SO MUCH YEARNING.

And then my darling Wen! Who brings almost the same energy as the Lighter and Princess FL. @dangermousie I never thought I'd see this irrepressible determination and tender, good humored patience again! He is deeply sure that there is something special here with Jim and is unrelenting about trying to scale Jim's walls. I know that sounds like psychotic SML material lmao but it's all about the tone and context. It's very clear that Jim is allowing Wen in his life and doesn't, deep down, want Wen to give up on him. He's damaged and scared but I always felt he wants Wen to be right - that they are falling in love and can build something real together. He just can't make himself take that step. I mean, in their 2nd meeting he is EQUALLY INSANE to agree that it's v normal and hinged behavior to let his 1 night stand start randomly showing up to work shifts at his diner as 'temp staff' he can't afford to pay because... um. Basically to stalk him? idk I don't think it's stalking when u have a mutual agreement?? 🤔

Wen falling deeper into Jim and KNOWING the feeling is mutual no matter how many times he's (so gently!) pushed back... can be sooooo personal. 😭😭😭 The vibes of this "we're Not Together™" but it's inevitable, I'm just waiting for the timing to be right... reminiscent of the last 10 episodes of Lighter & Princess. This building intimacy and tenderness that stretches on until as a viewer you feel like... They ARE in love, they're together but just without the sex. They just have to stabilize their lives first before committing whole-heartedly. THE BITTERSWEET PINGING. (screams)

One thing I've observed is many people seem to struggle to connect with Jim's character. The closest thing we have to a protagonist (?) Maybe. Anyway, I suspect it might be a generational thing. I found the drama incredibly compelling, but I grew up queer in the 80s and 90s. I'm well into my 40s, a bit older than Jim, but I think the generational queer experience overlaps pretty well considering the sociopolitical differences btw us/thailand.

The screenwriter is an older out gay man, so I presume that's also a factor in how he did a pitch-perfect depiction of Jim's struggles to find home.

Wen has his own baggage that feels very real and raw. I loved his storyline because I could personally relate to it also from my queer relationship experience.

I've blabbered on here before about how I feel like there's something different about queer stories being told to other queers, not targeted to straight viewers primarily - I'm not saying it's better than the big brands and popular international media including lgbt rep. It's just different imo and I do think it's valuable. I want to see stories about the complexities of the experience & about the gay community that can't just be mapped to straight people. Where the story would not feel the same if you flipped the sexualities. That's what Midnight Chicken was to me: the characters of Jim and Wen and their personal development & slow love story together felt very queer and the age gap was a relevant part of this. And that called to me. I could recognize parts of myself in them and my personal experiences as a gay woman.

I was impressed by the writing. Strong acting. The directing of individual scenes is excellent BUT the 1 big flaw is the editing. Very amateur, super abrupt scene changes! Just jarring. But whatever, I've seen some terrible editing in cdramas too. Also note the storytelling tactic is to show a series of meaningful moments & interactions over like 6-8 months of time. Events progress in ways we don't always see and it's not always spelled out to the audience, everything that happened since we last saw them. That may or may not work for the viewer.

[Plus there's a very sweet & wholesome teen love story that also gets a happy ending, if you're into that. One of the teens is deaf and there's no "cure the disability" nonsense, don't worry. I was adult-focused but I did appreciate the complicated family relationship subplot with Jim trying to caretake his nephew and their relationship to the mostly-absent sister.]

ok so now into spoiler territory. Letting the relevations come out organically would be a much better viewing experience BUT...

SPOILERS ON JIM & WEN BACKSTORY

Jim's whole deal is he had a big love in his late 20s-early 30s that fucked him up good. He grew up being told gay love isn't real, leaves his rural farming town with his sister in their teens, disconnected from his family... But even his sister, who loves him, had the perspective that it's Just A Phase. Jim expects to Prove Them Wrong. Then his boyfriend cheats on him.... With a woman. Activate that generation's internalized homophobia and self-doubt. And then before he gets to truly confront his partner, his partner dies in an accident. So he never gets resolution.

And he's stuck under a mountain of debt, on the edge of poverty because he didn't get any of the guy's assets when he died of course. No rights under Thai law. Partner's family takes it all but the old car & the cat. All he has is the small chicken rice shop they had bought and ran together and it's killing him, he both hates and loves it. He's this amazing member of the local community but doesn't see himself and his own worth clearly.

Wen is working through the guilt of falling out of love from his 1st gay relationship that lasted 5 years of his 20s. Broken up but still living together. Trying to stay in each other's lives (I've seen this a lot, because in small gay communities you don't just cut ties with good people you care about). But living together is toxic for both of them, despite the real care that's there.

He also feels disconnected from a community at the start. He has work collegues, all straight friends, and his now-ex boyfriend. But you get the subtle sense that his local ties are all with the boyfriend Alan's family and mutual friends with Alan who don't all know about the breakup yet and he doesn't know how to interface with them anymore now that he and Alan aren't the same. He's the one who fell out of love, so he's "the bad guy" here and the straight friend he tries to talk to about trying to co-habititate with his ex and stay close friends doesn't really get it, because that's just way more typical behavior for older generation queers - it's notable that when the situation is fully explained to Jim, he doesn't seem to find it bizarre at all (as said, I've gone through that myself, and known friends in that situation; found that subplot to be very well done.) (I read that many viewers were disappointed this wasn't a standard infidelity situation where Wen is just regular cheating on Alan, but I have to say that I feel the opposite. The subplot and how it played out felt very relatable to me. I didn't need a cheating angst plotline in this drama that could be transplanted into a straight drama. I wanted more stories that represented my lived experience as an adult lesbian, and Wen's narrative gave me that.)

Wen keeps searching for a home even while living with Alan and having loved him in the past. Which to me was a sign that he'd moved to this smaller city, living in Alan's condo and in Alan's life with Alan's extended family... He started eating beef because Alan did and following along. He doesn't know where HE feels at home, what Wen needs to be comfortable and happy. When he more & more starts to believe he can make this home with Jim, he's determined to make it happen.

[slowlyhappybird]

[xayspancakeee]

just unlocked rafayel’s “hope against hope” over in abyssal chaos and this message comes in:

so stinking cute. (ฅ• . •ฅ)

[livelaughlovechai]

Watch my crazy delusional ass make open heart desi♥️😘

(mind me making half the characters South Indian lol)not including Jackie(hc malyalee),zaid-baz(headcanon them as Hyderabadi Muslims)and dr Banerjee (CANON bengali king).Set in either Delhi or Mumbai.

Well-

>Ethan-Would be either a syrian Christian (Same first name but would have a name like ethan alan or ethan varghese going on malyalee naming traditions)or still a malyalee (hindu)with a name like arjun or Smth haha.or bengali boy,could explain how he and dr Banerjee bond so well.

>Bryce-gives me major tulu Nadu-kannadiga vibes(he’s one of my people)would have a name like pradeep shetty i have no idea why.

>Rafael-gives me hyderabadi vibes haha.would have a name like raman kameneni lmao again no idea.OR hyderabadi muslim but with a simpler name like imran ali khan?idk.could be a kareem.

>Aurora-Bengali gurl for sure.Would have a name like konkana das

>Sienna- Hyderabadi born Bengali(sushmita sen moment much?).name would be smth like tammanah Mukerjee.

>Elijah-y’all will kill me when I say SoBo/South delhi boy.but yes.tho much more grounded and nice.prolly punjabi hindu.name would be Hrehaan Ahuja or something I am so sorry.

>(Land)ry-pahadi mf I am so sorry.named Tushar,played by Tushar Kapoor(desis know what I did there)

>Kyra-marathi queen.sakshi Tendulkar or Smth lmao.

>Ines-punjabi queen.Harpreet kaur bajwa.

>Tobias-Tamizhan.name like karnan(insert his fathers name cause that’s the naming tradition in TN)

>June-North east indian,nepali/axomiya or sikkimese ig.name is Jaya Denzongpa ig(jaya bacchan vibes)

>Danny-Axomiya.Would be named vishal bodo maybe

>Harper.Bengali.name like Sushmita das ig lmao

>Leland- gujju. Hariom patel or a name like that.

>Esme-Rajput girl.name like aditi singh rajput ig.

>Declan-Snobish NRI asshole.name like Jairam kapoor but calls himself jay kennedy he's defo that type.

THAT'S IT FOR NOW🫡🫡🫡🫡

Some songs cause why not🥰🥰🥰

[ogre-2]

[stella-grey-331]

[jerzwriter]

Famdom hugs time.

Fuck it, take one even if you’re not in the fandom!

😘

[dreamssssx]

Spam❤️

[heung-mins]

Omg his celebration he said 🫵🏽👁️👄👁️ ❤️