#i'm so glad i stayed up late tonight tbh

[starryskiesahead]

HELP WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN SION IS (POSSIBLY) CANON BI????

(the anime wasn't out yet so by episodes they mean manga chapters i believe. sion canonically has a crush on colette also but this isn't brought up in that episode. this is the part where he fights with will, the mc, who is also a guy.)

(THIS IS FROM 3 YEARS AGO HOLY SHIT.)

(granted the translation could be wrong bc google translate shitty or it could be a joke but still. copium. and either way AAAAAAAAAAAA.)

(also this.)

either way until the author says otherwise i'm choosing to believe sion is bi

even if im wrong and hes not canon bi and its just a joke. i think the author is chill with it so i will remain on copium /hj

[mir-iamwilde]

My mind is running too fast. Shadows on the wall keep lurking. || Namidge

WHO: @natepuck, @mir-iamwilde

WHERE: Midge's Apartment

WHEN: The 7th of November

WHY: Nate has a disappointing date and shows up at Midge's who is home alone and grateful for the company.

WARNINGS: I think this is mostly just fluffy tbh.

nate puckerman Nate was officially an idiot, which is something he was very well in tune with. No matter who he hooked up with, it was never as good as it was with Midge. Was he on a mission to possibly find someone who could make him feel exactly like she did? Possibly. But at this point, he was pretty sure it was impossible. He had just spent the last hour with a girl who was very attractive, yes.. but completely underwhelming. He found himself standing in front of Midge's apartment, as he always did, and shot her off a text: actually proud of you for locking your door this time. let me in though

Midge WildeIt felt rare lately that Midge spent a night home alone, and she hated it. She used to enjoy her own space, but now she felt anxiety whenever she was alone. Still, she was determined to not let herself become pathetic and afraid, so she planned a night at home alone. She regretted it, as she sat with every light in her apartment turned on to make sure she was really alone, and could feel herself flood with relief when she saw the text from Nate pop up to say he was there. She hadn’t expected him, but she certainly welcomed the company. She sprang to the door, pulling it open as she regained her composure. “You just can’t stay away from me, can you? Even a locked door won’t deter you.” She grinned, stepping aside to let him in. “What’s up? You couldn’t find a poor girl to fall for your charm tonight?”

nate puckermanNate leaned forward to press a quick kiss to Midge's cheek, and rolled his eyes. He didn't want to let her know that he was actually coming from hooking up with a girl and came straight here instead. "Shit, does that make you a poor girl who fell for my charms?" He grinned, making himself comfortable as he grabbed himself a water bottle. "Nothing. Just wanted to see my favorite girl tonight. What's so wrong with that?" He'd been drinking, but the effects of the alcohol were almost long gone. After taking a few sips he walked over towards her, wondering why she was alone tonight. She was always around someone, whether it be him, Danny or some other lucky dude. Nate took her hand in his own. "You doing okay?"

Midge WildeShe grinned at his words, shaking her head, "No silly, you're the poor guy who fell for mine." She shut the door again, relocking it, and laughing when he spoke again. Midge didn't bother to be shy with Nate, she pulled her hand away from his, instead letting her hands land on his waist, snaking around to his sides to stand closer to him. Her eyes met his and she nodded, "I'm good, glad to have some company now." She smiled, her head tilting to the side, "You smell like alcohol and shitty perfume, so maybe you did find a poor girl to fall for your charm, what happened?"

nate puckerman"Poor guy? Far from it." Nate couldn't help himself whenever he was around Midge. He slid his hand down her back and let his hand rest on her ass and smiled down at her. He shrugged when she asked what happened. "Nothing happened. It was just shitty. I don't even know how to explain it, but I was not feeling myself with her." She wasn't you, he doesn't say. He probably didn't need to anyway. With his free hand, he cupped her chin gently, letting his thumb run over her jawline. "What have you been up to by yourself?"

Midge WildeShe let herself relax into his touch, her own hands finding their way to his chest now. “Shitty sex is the worst.” She commented, though maybe that wasn’t what he meant, but she wasn’t sure how far either of them should be diving into what he meant. Midge looked up at his touch, meeting his eyes and smiling. “I’d love to tell you I was doing something naughty and get you all wound up, but I wasn’t. I was just trying to find something to watch.” Her voice sounded sadder than she’d intended it to but she shook away the feeling, remembering how every light in the whole place was on and hoping that didn’t seem odd. Midge moved to lay one of her hands over his, moving his hand so she could kiss his palm, “Did you want to change that?”

nate puckermanNate knew Midge well enough at this point, and when she teased about doing something naughty - the tone of her voice told him something else. He looked around the apartment and then back at her. "You were looking for something to watch with all the lights on? C'mon now." Everything that had been going on with her dad had to have been weighing on her. He watched as she pressed a kiss to his palm and gave a small smile to her, shaking his head amusedly. He settled his hand behind her head and pulled her in for a kiss, though it was a soft one - not one that he would give to really anybody but her. "You know that I'm always down to fuck you." God, he was. She was fucking incredible, and she had him completely addicted. Nate paused. "But something's telling me that's not what you really want. Or am I wrong?"

Midge WildeShe sighed at his words, it was a blessing and a curse to have someone know her the way Nate did. Though kissing him was nice, she couldn’t deny that he was right, fucking wasn’t what she wanted right now, if it was she’d be doing it already, she’d have made plans for the night, or hell, she’d be down on her knees for Nate by now, but she knew that her head wasn’t in it right now. “I’m just trying to force myself to feel okay to be alone again.” She whispered, pulling her eyes away from his now, looking at the floor instead. “I used to love having a night to myself at home, and now I feel like there’s a monster hiding in every shadow.” She hated the way she sounded, she hated feeling so pathetic and scared. “I’m glad you showed up so I don’t have to feel afraid.”

nate puckermanNate nodded, knowing that sex wasn't what she wanted. He could always tell by just the tone of her voice even if she tried to hide it. Nate wrapped his arms around her and brought her as close as possible and started running his fingers through her hair. "You never have to feel afraid when I'm around," he promised her, pulling back to look her straight in the eyes. "It's completely normal to be freaked the fuck out by what happened, babe. Anyone would be scared. I know you've got Danny," he started, and though he had no right to feel jealous, especially when he knew the guy actually cared about her, he did anyway. "But when he's not here, how about you call me? You can always come over to my place too. I can just give you the access code to my apartment and you can come over whenever. Even when I'm sleeping, I really don't give a fuck. Whenever. Alright?"

Midge WildeShe smiled at his words, at the feeling of his hands on her, at the closeness and safety she felt with him, leaning herself back against the wall behind her. “I know I can call you, it’s not that. I want to be able to be alone not be afraid. I don’t want to feel so pathetic all the time.” Midge let out a small laugh, shaking her head, “And what happens when I show up and there’s another girl in your bed, am I supposed to crawl in the middle?”

nate puckerman"Alright, well. You're not pathetic. It's gonna take some time to not feel like this and that's alright. No one's staring at you expecting you to have your shit together. I know your brother isn't, Danny isn't and I sure as hell don't." He laughed when Midge mentioned that another girl might be in his bed, and to be honest.. He didn't even think of that, mostly because he wasn't one for letting people stay the night. Nate took Midge's hand and led her to her couch, sitting his back against the arm rest and motioning for her to get comfortable in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her, leaned over and kissed her collarbone. "Nah, you know me. I'm not a 'stay the night' kind of guy. I'm more a 'get the fuck outta here' guy but in a nice way. A gentle nudge, if you feel me."

Midge WildeShe wanted to argue that she was expecting herself to have her shit together, but she decided not to. She’d spent her whole life afraid of her father, this wasn’t anything new, it was just a new level of fear that she had to adjust to. She followed where he lead, settling against him and laying her head against his chest. She tilted her head to look up at him, a smirk on her lips, “I don’t know, babe, you might have a warped perception of yourself, I don’t think you’ve ever kicked me out of your bed, in fact, I can recall quite a few times where you asked me to stay the night. I suppose you’re going to tell me that’s just because I’m special?”

nate puckermanNate looked down at Midge and was taken aback, as always, by how fucking beautiful she was. He laughed when she mentioned that he'd never kicked her out and wondered if she would ever realize how exactly he looked at her. He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you are special. The fuck? Don't you realize that? You ever see me going to these other girl's apartments and saying no to fucking them because I know they're upset?" He looked down at her, shaking his head in disbelief. "C'mon, babe. You've gotta realize you're number one, at least."

Midge WildeShe laughed softly, “Nah, you talk a big game but I think you’re secretly a softie, if another girl was upset you’d be sitting just like this with her, telling her she’s special.” Maybe that wasn’t true, not exactly, she knew him enough to know he wouldn’t ignore a girl being upset and fuck her anyways, but would he stay and tell her she was special, maybe not. “Of course I’m number one, I give better head than you even knew was possible, so no one comes before me, except for you, because you know how much I like having to beg for it.” She grinned, her hand grazing absently over his chest now, too. She felt herself relaxing more and more as they spoke, enjoying feeling so at ease with him, “You know, I like when you sleep here, too. I like waking up next to you.”

nate puckermanNate wasn't an asshole - he wouldn't just kick a girl out because she was sad or fuck her anyway, but he certainly wouldn't be holding them and telling them how special they were. He smirked when she talked about her head game because yes it was unbelievable, but this was even further proof that she had absolutely no idea what he felt for her. Nate couldn't decide if this was a good or bad thing, honestly. But he was gonna keep it that way as long as he possibly could. "You're such a bad girl, you know?" He laughed, settling one of his hands on her hip, moving her shirt just a little bit so he could feel her skin against his fingertips. "Yeah? Now I bet you say that to all that guys. Now you're trying to make me feel special, huh?"

Midge WildeMidge turned around to face him now, sitting back on her heels between his legs. “Sometimes I’m a good girl, just depends on my mood, really.” She grinned, leaning in to kiss him again. “I don’t have to worry about saying it or not, most guys aren’t allowed through the front door,” she paused, raising an eyebrow at her own words, “or the back door either, before you ask,” she grinned, “I only let the special ones come home with me, and I certainly don’t let just anyone show up unannounced and cuddle on my couch with me instead of fucking me so I can talk about my feelings.”

nate puckermanEven though Midge was calling him special, he knew that he wasn't the only guy that got this treatment from her. But Nate stayed quiet instead and tugged her close so he could kiss her, smile playing on his lips. "Damn, so.. If you're special to me and I'm special to you.. Sounds like you should let me through your back door," he teased, settling his hands on her thighs. She was so fucking clueless, honestly. "Seriously, though. I'm glad you trust me enough for all of that. I hope you know I'm always gonna be around to cuddle on your couch and talk about your feelings." Nate quirked an eyebrow, sliding his hands up to her waist. He really couldn't keep his hands off of her. "And to fuck you, of course."

Midge WildeHer eyebrows raised at his comment, she tilted her head to the side, “I thought you’d never ask,” she whispered against his lips, a short laugh escaping her. She kissed him fully now, her hands cupping his face as she did, hoping he knew how much she appreciated his presence. She finally pulled away, turning back around so she could settle into him again. “Tell me more about this shitty sex you had earlier, what happened?”

nate puckermanNate lost himself in the kiss for a moment, wondering if Midge actually had meant it. It wasn't something they'd ever talked about, but he was certainly interested in exploring that with her. After she turned around, he wrapped his arms around her to bring her closer. He laughed when she asked about the shitty sex and shrugged. "I don't know. She was clearly really enjoying herself, and I mean, yeah.. I got off. Like it was just okay. You know what I mean? Y'know how with us, we can't get enough of each other? How I can't get enough of you? Polar fucking opposite of that. I mean, I think she wanted more of me, but nah. It just wasn't clicking for me. She was hot too, so I don't know what's up with me."

Midge Wilde“Did she dead fish you or something?” She laughed, feeling bad that his night had been a dud. She’d had nights of her own like that, the sex was fine but that was all it was, and when it was done it was done and she had no need for more. That was never the case with Nate, she wasn’t sure there was ever a time they’d been together where they hadn’t gone multiple rounds, where she hadn’t craved more of him, or where he’d been able to keep his hands off of her. They had intense sexual chemistry, and it was more than that, there was such deep friendship between them, there was never a moment when they didn’t want each other. “Sometimes it’s just not there,” she sighed, her fingers drawing lazy circles on each of his knees, “Did you let her down easy, at least?”

nate puckermanJust sitting here like this was something that Nate didn't do with anybody but Midge, and it just felt good. Yeah, having sex with her was great, but this was just as good. Just talking to her and being with her. Nate couldn't remember the last time he'd felt that about someone. "Yeah, of course. You know I'm not an asshole. I did the whole 'oh shit, my boy just texted me and I gotta go' but I made it super convincing. What she doesn't need to know is I came to your place afterwards," he laughed. "I'm sure she'll be fine. She's probably telling her friends it was the best night of her life."

Midge WildeShe laughed again, “I’d tease you for being full of yourself but you’re probably right, and she’s probably not lying, it probably was the best night of her life.” Midge turned on her side now, so she could still relax but meet his eyes, too. “You wanna spend the night?” She asked, her eyes steady on his when she asked, there was no hidden meaning behind her words, wether spending the night meant fucking or not, she didn’t know or care, she just knew she didn’t want him to leave.

nate puckerman"You're damn straight it was," he grinned, knowing he knew exactly how to treat a woman right. Most dudes couldn't even find the clit correctly, which was just embarrassing. He looked down at her and nodded. "Yeah, I'll stay the night." He brushed Midge's hair out of her face, admiring her for a moment. It was kinda stupid how his heart felt when she looked up at him, but he really couldn't help himself. "Have you eaten? Should I order something to eat?"

Midge Wilde “Mmmm, food sounds great,” she smiled up at him, “I don’t suppose you’re interested in pizza?” She asked, a small pout on her face, hoping to win him over.

[pielplastica]

I'm glad your day went well. I'm also happy that you have co-workers willing to help you and support you whenever you need it, they sound like a good team. And man I wanted the cloudy day to last a lot more! I just had like 2 hours of anatomy and then decided to call mom to let her know, I called Pau and then her. I was feeling bittersweet but I guess I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

I usually listen the playlist you made while doing homework, but since I have a homework-free weekend, today I took a nap as soon as I finished writing the last letter and woke up around... 4 PM? And I had the 3rd song playing in my head on and on, and that's weird because I usually don't listen to that band but that song's actually kind of good, that and the second one. I know AM was like... our band? I don't know, I guess I just listened to them like A LOT back in our university so I just attached them to you. And I know why it all starts with "suck it and see" but, why piledriver waltz? I always felt that you'd like Hiding Tonight or even Glass in the park so, why Piledriver Waltz?

I didn't knew that about your brother! Is he open about it in your family? I do hope that they can get along and get to know each other better, I know your brother's a good person and for sure he'll be good to him but... yeah, I don't know, I guess my big brother senses are always on. And speaking of, we're still not talking to each other much. Monday he gave a bubblegum when he heard that I volunteered myself three times so that my classmates could practice on taking blood samples. He almost made me cry. He also has a girlfriend, I believe I must have mentioned her a little. She's a good kid. Kind, shy (VERY SHY) and the quiet type, it seems he does all the talking whenever ordering fast food and that actually surprises me lol. Yesterday I practiced piano a little bit in his room (he spent the night at her house) because I've been feeling a lot of stress lately and since I don't have a guitar right now I thought that maybe playing his piano for an hour or two would help me, and it did! I was learning The Avatar's Love and the Prelude of FF VII BUT I FORGOT TO TAKE MY HEADPHONES WITH ME OUT OF HIS ROOM AND TODAY WHEN HE CAME BACK HE HANDED THEM TO MOM. I was caught in the act but he didn't seemed to care that much tbh so yeah, all's good.

Now, music. I feel that your playlist is a little more direct than mine? At least with the wording, and I knew that you would be asking why I put on those songs in there, maybe because they don't seem like a "love" song but, bear with me a little.

I see Heaven's on fire like a "please, don't" kind of song. As if telling you, "when I look at you, I feel at my weakest. When I look at you, I forget about my ideals. When I look at you, heaven's on fire" because... I see Heaven as my mind, and I know that if I were to see you, a lot of repressed emotions would come out, and that's what I've been learning to deal with. For me to see you and not setting my heaven on fire. Now, the rest of the lyrics. I know it says "I'm a little like you, ugly on the inside" but I don't mean it in THAT way... We know that what we're doing is wrong, and we have to put an end to this. But... I feel glad that you felt the same as me in a way all these years... Well, not really "glad" but relieved because now I don't feel as alone as I did back then. So, I'm a little like you. "In constantly moving against the tide". Do I have to explain myself? I wrote you back then even though you have already made your own life, even though it seemed to everyone that you've already moved on, even though it was wrong. I was constantly moving against the tide. "But while I dive into the gritty, you just stand by" and you had every right to do so. I was trying so hard for you to stay back when I first wrote you, and it seemed to me that you didn't cared at all. I was diving into gathering all the courage that I had to beg for you to stay, and it seemed to me that you were just standing, reading without writing anything, and now I know you had every right to do so. I no longer feel bad about it, and I know it must've been hard for you too, so, I'm sorry if I didn't made it any less easier. I guess that sums it all up.

Now, the bug collector. First and foremost, I love bugs with my life. I like them in all types and shapes. I guess I didn't spoke too much about it back then, but I always try to grab "harmful" insects and take them to a place where they can continue with their life peacefully away from us humans that don't understand the importance of their lives. I see this song as a "I'm here to reassure you that everything's going to be ok". This song can have a lot of different interpretations, but I see it as a very, very, very deep devotion that a person can have to another. I see it as if the other person may see things in an "anxious way" like, "omg, this is going to go so wrong. I can't do this because of this reason. I won't be able to do it because of that". Like in the book metamorphosis, we can understand in a way that it doesn't necessarily mean that he turned into a cockroach but he felt that way because of how everyone else treated him, and so whenever this song goes "there's a centipede naked in your bedroom", "there's a praying mantis prancing in your bathtub", "there's a millipede angry on your carpet", it may be that there's actually bugs there, but maybe they're an interpretation of the other person's own insecurities and the singer willingness to do whatever it takes to calm them down, "i try my best to scoop the slugger out the window", "try my best to put the priest inside a jam jar", "i try my best to prove that nothing's out to get you". I will try my best to solve your insecurities, your problems, I will do whatever it takes so that I can help you feel better, safe and secure here. "and I digress 'cause i must make you the perfect morning". Deep devotion for the other person. And seeing it through a more simple way: I love bugs, and always try to take them out of my home and put them outside, but I have two doggies that I have to but before me, and them, so if I see a spider and I know that it's dangerous, I'll kill it, even though I know that I could simply take it outside but, what will happen if my doggies step on it or if the spider bites them? Sometimes love is about doing what is right for the ones you love, even if it means that you'll have to hurt someone else. And that's the same with you. I love bugs, but I would always put you before them. I would've always put you before anyone else. Would've.

Treasure planet might be my favorite animated movie ever, because it holds such a place in my heart. I would always watch it when I was a kid, like every night, and mom would watch it with me. There's this scene where "sigo aquí" is playing and it shows that Jim's dad left, and I cry so hard whenever that scene is played, we saw it last week and she hugged me because she knows how close to home it hits me, but I no longer cry for my dad for I had a wonderful father, my grandfather. He will always be the man I inspire to be (have I ever told you about him? I think mom and I did right?). I cry for mom. Because I know it must've been hard for her to take care of me on her own. Yes, she had her brother and sisters but it took her like a year and a half to meet my stepdad and I recall that time of our lives to be kind of rough. I cry for her and all of the pain she had to bear whilst her kid was crying for his dad every night, making her feel not good enough. I'm sorry mom. I'll hug her first thing tomorrow morning.

Oh dang, I just saw that I've been writing for more than an hour. I'm such a slow writer lol. So yeah, thank you for your words and I'll try to score higher next time.

[badbawz]

Told the Older Italian waiter that I was gonna have to walk home in the rain tonight and he got an uber for me. <3

[revswanson]

I always wished that Uncle had gotten a more peaceful and somewhat happy ending so here it is, in a perfect world, in an alternate universe, whatever you want to call it. I belted this one out at 1 am and definitely did it through tears so take it as it is or not at all, tbh.

"Old man," The gentle hand on his shoulder woke him up. "You going to sleep here tonight, or?" He'd fallen asleep in his chair by the fire. It must have been midnight or later judging by the sky and the sleep in Abigail's eyes. She usually went to bed earlier than this- she must have stayed up knitting and came to check on him.

He stood up and fought back a lament about how much his back was hurting: it always started to ache badly as the sun set. Made it tough to sleep. Finding trouble sleeping wouldn't be an issue tonight, Uncle thought. He was feeling sleepy already when he sat by the fire and sung some songs with Jack and Abi but he hadn't realized how tired he was until the warmth and the crackle lulled him.

John was standing on the porch finishing up a cigarette when Uncle started to make his way inside. "Sleep well, you old bastard," he said, with his classic smile.

"You too," Uncle chuckled, "You know, you're getting old too. If I keeled over right now I'm not so sure you could keep this farm running without me."

Abigail came and stood by John and placed her arm around him and laughed breathily. "I don't know what we'd do without you." She sounded only slightly sarcastic and so was Uncle's reply.

"Probably die yourselves."

Passing through the door and the hallway, he could see into Jack's room with the door slightly ajar. Sometimes the boy liked to sleep with the door open as he had nightmares and it made it easier for them to check in on him. Tonight, it appeared, he wasn't asleep yet.

"Goodnight, Jackie boy," Uncle grunted. "You better get some sleep. You've got big shoes to fill, John keeps buying shoes a few sizes too big and your momma's gonna kill him for keeping you up so late letting you read those stories."

Jack was reading a book in the dim light and Uncle could just imagine his mother nagging about him hurting his eyes and his father nagging about him ruining his brain with stories. On that note, he decided to head to bed faster before he could witness it.

"G'night, Uncle," Jack looked up at him with the same sleep in his eyes that his mother had. They're too alike. Uncle knew the boy would stay up at least two hours more reading that dang book which he has certainly read many times already. "Maybe tomorrow you can finally tell me about your days as the One Shot Kid."

Uncle had to laugh at that one. "Maybe I won't, Jack, that story will definitely rot your brain." He stepped away and walked slowly to his room in the attic, admiring the home that he called his now and for the last couple of years. It was a shitshow and everything else terrible but he loved it.

As he laid in his bed, he thought about all of the times that he had no bed to lie in. He thought about all of the times that he hadn't eaten in days and he fell asleep to the sound of his stomach rumbling, trains passing, and men fighting. He thought about the times he was woken from sleep in the dark of night or the earliest of mornings to screaming, to blood, to unimaginable violence and pain that he was so, so incredibly glad to be away from now. Instead of crying for the past, Uncle smiled as he fell into sleep. He had a home now, a family. A bed, food. He had everything he had needed in life and more. Arthur and many others died to give him this and he was very grateful.

He woke once more as the sun began to gently shine through the windows and he smiled again sleepily, thinking of his loved ones also sleeping in the house below him. He watched a light beam roll across his raggedy rope on the wall as he thought that John would be waking soon to tend to the animals and Abigail to begin her cleaning and cooking. He fell back into sleep imagining what kind of stew she'd make today, and what kind of insults John would lovingly throw his way.

He dreamed of the plains and wild horses, he dreamed of his parents, he dreamed of Arthur kicking him awake with a laugh, he dreamed of singing a song with his old friends late at night by a warm fire, and then he dreamed of nothing.

He did not wake again. John found him after Abigail started to wonder about him- usually he got up and around about noon or so and it was getting past that. "Get up, Uncle. It's time to do some work-"

John's eyes focused on Uncle's unmoving chest and the peaceful look on his face. The slight smile. His eyes were still closed- it could not have been very long ago. He sighed. He sat on the bed next to his Uncle and he began to cry. "I'm so sorry." It was all he could say.

He sat there for a long time before he started down the ladder to the kitchen where Abigail was standing with a worried look on her face and Jack was entering with a confused look. "What is it, Pa?"

John shook his head. Abigail silently walked into the living room and sat down on the couch and… and then she laughed. "He did say we'd bury him here." Jack quickly looked at John with tears in his eyes.

"Uncle is dead, Pa? When? Why?" he started to walk towards the kitchen like he wanted to go up the ladder towards the attic. John gently stopped him and pulled him into a hug and held him with the love only a father can.

"He's gone, son, and I don't want you to see him yet." John had stopped crying before he came down to them but now he felt more tears dripping down his face. "I've got to get him down here and get him ready to be buried. We'll have a hell of a time breaking soil to get him buried in this weather but we have to get it done."

Jack let out a horrible noise and sobbed into John's chest and in that moment a million words were said. John remembered finding Jack tickling Uncle's nose with a feather while he slept. He remembered reprimanding Uncle for asking Jack to get him some booze. He remembered finding Jack and Uncle both asleep at separate ends of the living room couch, and he remembered wondering how they could possibly fall asleep in such uncomfortable positions. He knew that he needed to be strong in this moment for his son.

Abigail came and stood by him and asked him what she could do to help. "Grab me a shovel and find me a couple of pieces of scrap wood for his marker, sweetheart. Jack, stay here for now, we'll come get you in a while. I want to put him under one of the trees he liked to sleep under."

"You big softie," Abigail chuckled through tears. She left to do what she needed to do and so did John. He walked up the ladder again and he laid eyes on Uncle again. Life and death and everything in between happens so incredibly fast, and John couldn't help but find anger in his heart at all of it. But, he shook away the negativity as he looked again at his beloved friend. He found joy in the fact that Uncle had died here in the safety of a house rather than in many of the places he once could have. He found joy in the fact that he could be and do that for him.

He struggled to do so, physically and so very much emotionally, but he carried him down through the kitchen and the back door and met Abigail up the hill near a large tree. She was crying but she always looked so beautiful and he spoke a silent thank you to the late Uncle for bringing her into his life. For reminding him constantly to be good to his wife. For helping him rebuild his life and bring her back into it.

He laid Uncle down on the ground and began to dig. His body racked with sobs with every motion and Abigail stood and watched and said a few things about how she met Uncle in the worst time of her life and she could never repay him for what he did for her. He agreed, and he agreed, and he agreed, and he dug, and he dug, and he dug. And finally the hole was deep enough, and the hole in his heart was greater. He had lost so much. He knew Uncle had too, and he again found joy in the fact that Uncle was finally free from that pain. All of the pain.

He had gotten to die at home like every old man deserves. Humbly, at peace, in a mostly warm bed in a mostly clean and happy house with a… somewhat normal family. "I'll go get Jack now. I'm afraid I'll need his help lowering him down there gently. I want him to be able to say something as well, and he needs to see this part of life, Abigail."

"Go," she turned her head and looked to the sky. When they returned, she had picked some wildflowers from nearby and was tucking them into Uncle's shirt pockets.

Jack looked upon Uncle and wiped his face and tried to look brave. He had seen dead people before despite his parents every efforts to keep him from seeing it, but Uncle looked different. There was no blood. He did not look afraid. He looked happy and like he was sleeping. "Did Uncle die while he was sleeping, Pa? Why didn't he wake up and tell us he was sick?"

"That just isn't how it works, son," John said and held his boy. "I'm sorry you have to see him like this."

"I'm not. He looks happy."

They all stood there under the sun which was now just beginning to set. They stood there for longer than John had sat by Uncle's side, they stood for long enough that the sun nearly left the sky completely. They talked about all of their memories with Uncle, the good and the bad, too. "Help me lower him down, boy," John's face hurt from crying and Jack came and stood by Uncle and looked at his father for more instruction.

"Just… Just grab his feet and I'll carry most of his weight. He's heavy, son, and I'm not making a mean joke. This is the truth of life and death."

"I know, Pa, I understand. I've got him." They lowered Uncle into the cold ground and they began to cover his body with the earth. John almost wished he had chose to give him some kind of warrior's send-off, with fire and a ceremony and everything: Uncle had been a fighter. He fought hard. And John was so sorry that he hadn't given him more credit.

"Goodbye, Uncle. We love you." Abigail's body moved violently with sobs, no tears came at this point but the sobbing did not stop. She walked into the house. John and Jack stood there for a few moments more and then John sent his son inside too.

He set up the marker for Uncle. A simple cross with simple engravings. For a simple man. One of the simplest and one of the best. He would never forget him until the day he died himself. He cried and he cried and he sat by his Uncle's grave until he fell asleep.

A rush of wind came and John felt a tickle on his ear, like a feather. It woke him up. He thought he heard Uncle's laugh in the wind, which smelled slightly of booze.

[hellotvshowtrash]

Angel

Requested by @elijahs-wife​ : Hi Ashlee!! Could you write a fic using the prompt "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified"? Sending love 💗💗

A/N: TEHANI THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST ily 💗 I’m sorry this took me a little bit!! I wanted it to be something worth posting! I’m still iffy on it. 

I don’t think I will never NOT be terrified to send something out into the void, so please like/reblog if you enjoyed!! and if you want to read any more from me, feel free to send me a request! I love all our mikaelson boys (except Finn tbh sorry) so i’m down to write for more than just Elijah!

Elijah Mikaelson x female!reader

Word count: 2,970

tw: kind of sad, mentions of being an orphan, not a whole lot!

credit to the gif creator!!

Elijah stood in the crowd, absentmindedly sipping his champagne while listening in on different conversations. Laughter bubbled throughout the compound at another Mikaelson ball. He sighed and made his way to find his brother. He heard Klaus from far off, bickering with Hope about the dress she had chosen for the night.

"Dad, it's my birthday ball. I should be able to wear what I want!" She huffed. Elijah turned the corner into one of the various hallways of the compound, coming around to see the father and daughter facing off.

He chuckled, "Children, please," he said, eyeing Hope's admittedly short dress. Her hair was curled and she sported a sky blue cocktail dress. "Although your father may have a point," Elijah stated, raising an eyebrow.

Klaus gestured to Elijah, "Thank you, brother!" He exclaimed.

"I'm 18! I'm going to wear whatever I want," Hope said, storming into the party with finality. Elijah walked closer to his brother, putting a hand on his shoulder, stifling a laugh.

"She is very strong-willed, like her father," He said, raising his champagne flute to his lips. Klaus glared at his brother and sighed. "She has a point though. She is a young woman now. Just give her this one night to do and wear what she wants." The men turned and departed the hallway, heading back into the party. Klaus grabbed a champagne flute and headed to stand on a flight of stairs. Elijah stood at the base, looking into the crowd again.

"May I have your attention!" Klaus called out into the large room, "I would like to say a few words about my daughter, Hope." Klaus smiled down at her as he began his speech. Elijah continued to scan the room. His brother's voice faded from his ears when his eyes landed on a woman amongst the crowd, standing with his sister Freya. She was beautiful, wearing a blush coloured, floor-length dress. Her Y/C/H hair flowing down her back in an elegantly curled braid. She beamed up at Klaus as he gave his heartfelt speech about Hope. Elijah felt an unfamiliar sensation in his chest, a feeling he hadn't felt in a very, very long time.

In unison, the crowd lifted their glasses and cheered, "To Hope!" The woman put her glass to her full, pink lips. The room erupted into conversation and movement, and Elijah lost sight of her. As if jogged from a trance, Elijah put his champagne on the nearest surface and began searching the crowd once more. He pushed passed strangers and friends alike to get to where he had spotted her. He broke through the other side of the crowd, looking around for her or Freya. He found the two making their way around the outskirts of the party, talking and laughing together. He took a second to compose himself, putting his left hand in his suit pants pocket. Taking a deep breath, he followed after her.

"Good evening," he said casually, coming up behind the two women. They turned and Freya greeted him with a smile and a warm hug. The stranger stood by with a polite smile on her face.

"Elijah! I was wondering when I'd see you," she pulled away and turned to the woman next to her. "Y/N, this is my brother, Elijah." Freya smiled at Y/N.

"Hello, Elijah," She greeted, extending her hand. Rather than shaking it, Elijah took her hand and raised it to his lips, kissing it softly. Blush crept up Y/N's cheeks as Freya's eyebrows raised.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Elijah said, not taking his eyes off her Y/E/C ones. "May I have this dance?" He heard her heartbeat quicken as she gave a small nod, letting Elijah gently tug her to the dance floor.

"I guess I'll just hang out here! By myself!" Freya called after them, huffing to herself.

--

Y/N was a New Orleans French Quarter witch. That was how she and Freya had met and became friends. Y/N had started coming around the compound more and more frequently over the following weeks, becoming closer to the Original family. Rosie cheeks and stolen glances at Elijah filled her visits under the excuse of hanging out with Freya. She loved her friend, truly, but she couldn't get her mind off of the oldest Mikaelson brother. He, on the other hand, seemed to distance himself from her after his first introduction. She had hoped that she didn't offend him in some way. “Maybe I’m just not his type,“ She thought to herself.

"Y/N?" Freya's voice sounded in Y/N's head, jogging her from her thoughts.

"What, I'm sorry?" She looked at her friend, confused. They were sitting on a couch located in the library of the compound, pulling a late-night together. Her thoughts of Elijah had distracted her mid-conversation.

Freya rolled her eyes. "I asked if you'd like to come to the Halloween party we're throwing here this weekend. Hope wants it to be a big event, and you know Klaus would do anything to keep her happy." Freya smiled at Y/N.

Y/N nodded, thinking about the father/daughter relationship Hope and Klaus had brought a sad smile to her face. She was glad Hope would have the love of family throughout her life. Y/N was alone in New Orleans, growing up in different foster homes and halfway houses. Her real family unknown to her, she had been tossed from house to house because of the unexplainable things that happened around her. Until she met Vincent, back when he was still married to Eva Sinclair. He taught Y/N about what living in New Orleans really meant for people like her. He made her feel like she belonged.

"I'd love to come! Costume party?" Y/N asked, sipping tea from her mug.

Freya nodded, "Hope wouldn't have it any other way."

–

Elijah rolled his eyes. "I will not be wearing a costume. I believe I may just stay behind and let you all enjoy the fun," He said to Hope and Klaus. Hope was trying on her little red riding hood costume for the party that night when she turned and glared at Elijah.

"Come on, Uncle Elijah. Auntie Bex is! I even got dad some devil horns that he's going to wear, right dad?" She looked over at Klaus who grimaced and looked at Elijah pleadingly.

"Yes, darling, I'll wear them," He said, defeated. Hope smiled and looked back at Elijah. Elijah shook his head again, turning to exit the room.

"Y/N will be there," Hope exclaimed as he walked toward the door. Elijah stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes, sighing. She knew that would get him to come. He wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings as he thought he was, or maybe Hope was just perceptive. Hope smiled triumphantly to herself as she turned back to the mirror to look at her costume once more, perfecting the details.

--

Y/N entered the compound, her dress flurrying around her as she was met by a large crowd of people. The sun had set and the party was in full swing. The Mikaelson’s sure know how to throw a rager, she thought to herself. She walked farther into the crowd, her dress and cloak billowing around her. She headed toward the bar, keeping her eyes peeled for Freya.

"There you are!" Freya's voice came from behind her, muffled by the music. Y/N turned and saw her friend dressed in a bright pink dress, star wand in hand with a large crown atop her head. Y/N stifled a laugh at the sight.

"And what are you supposed to be?" Y/N said over the music.

Freya frowned, "What, you don't get it? I'm Glinda! You know, from The Wizard Of Oz?" She flourished her wand in Y/N's face and laughed.  Freya was already a few drinks in. "Who are you supposed to be?" She asked, her words slightly slurred.

Y/N looked down at her costume, and back up to Freya. "I'm Sarah Sanderson! From Hocus Pocus," Y/N twirled in her spot. She and Freya giggled as Y/N spun. Mid-spin, she spotted Elijah coming down the stairs and her breath hitched in her throat. She didn't take Elijah for the costume type, so she hadn't expected him to be here tonight.

He looked absolutely regal in his black suit and tie. Large white angels wings sprouted from his back. He looked around the room while coming down the stairs, not yet seeing Y/N. Freya followed Y/N's gaze and saw Elijah.  She drunkenly put an arm around Y/N's shoulder.

"You know, I think you have a thing for my brother," She accused. Y/N blushed, turning away from the angel.

"I'm the last person he would be interested in if I was," Y/N cast one last look his way before turning back to the bar, ordering a drink. "Let's get this party started," She said to her friend, giving her a smile. She reminded herself to not get attached. Everyone leaves eventually.

--

Y/N and Freya were joined by Rebekah, but they couldn't quite tell who she was dressed as. All they could tell was that it was tight and it was spandex. The three danced and drank in the middle of the party, not a care in the world. Elijah watched from the bar protectively. Something about this woman was so magnetic, so charming. He couldn't bring himself to admit that there was a flame ignited in his heart at the sight of her. He doesn't let people in. She's a mortal witch, her life span was the blink of an eye compared to his. No, he wouldn't let himself get attached. She would see him for the monster he was. He turned to mingle with the crowd, although he never let the three women leave his line of sight.

Y/N was having the time of her life with her friends, drunkenly dancing the night away.

“I’m going to go grab more drinks!” She slurred to the other two girls. They cheered in response as she turned and stumbled toward the bar. She caught the bartender's attention and ordered. He returned with three shot glasses and she thanked him, turning to get back to dancing. Before she could take a step, she collided with someone.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” She cried, slurring her words. She stumbled back to look at the person she collided with, finding the handsome angel she had been eyeing earlier. He pursed his lips, wiping the front of his suit with his handkerchief. “Elijah,” she gasped, “I am so sorry, let me he-”

“Do not bother, Y/N,” he said, holding his hand up. He glared in her direction, not looking in her eyes. She gulped at his response.

“Please, let me make it up to you,” She tried dipping her head to catch his eye. He turned and motioned to the bartender for more shots.

“Have a pleasant evening,” He nodded curtly at her and turned to walk away, leaving her standing there, unsure of what just happened. Anger flared in her chest as she watched the angel walk away. She grabbed one of the shots that the bartender had set out and downed it quickly. Taking the other two to her friends, she let the music take her away, continuing to party.

-

The night continued on and the party began to thin out, while the three girls in the center of the dance floor kept going, laughing and dancing. Elijah had kept his eyes on them, amazed at how the two witches could keep up with the vampire. Elijah looked around at the few stragglers left, sitting around drunkenly talking to one another. He made his way across the compound, heading towards the stairs to head up to his room for the night. The music was quieter now,  not as upbeat. Y/N saw him moving across the dance floor and stumbled as fast as she could to get in front of him.

“Elijah,” She slurred,  “Please let me apologize for earlier. Dance with me!” She scooped him away before he could object, wrapping her arms around his neck, not letting him leave.

“Y/N I-” He started, but she shushed him, swaying to the music.

“Elijah I know you don’t like me that much, and I don’t know why but I just want to let you know that I’m sorry for spilling those drinks on you and I’m sorry for making you hate me for whatever reason,” she drunkenly let her head fall on his chest while she spoke, her eyes fluttering shut.

Elijah’s eyes widened at her speech, his hands falling to rest on her back. She hummed at his touch and smiled, eyes still closed. “Y/N… I apologize for making you feel that way, that was not my intention.” He looked down at her, “I just wanted to keep you safe,” He whispered.

Suddenly Y/N slumped into him, dropping like dead weight. Elijah reacted quickly and scooped her up, seeing she had passed out. He looked toward Freya and Rebecca who had already fallen asleep on the couch, snuggling into each other. His heart warmed at the sight of his sisters together. He refocused on the beautiful woman in his arms and began to climb the stairs, heading toward his room. He gently opened the door and crossed the room, laying her in the bed and covering her up. She adjusted into the comfort of the bed, grabbing Elijah’s hand as he slid his arms out from underneath her.

“Stay with me?” she mumbled. His heart softened and he silently agreed, stripping out of his wings and suit jacket. He crossed to the other side of the bed and slid into it, careful not to touch her. She turned to him and opened her eyes slightly. “Will you hold me?” she asked quietly. Tears brimmed her eyes.

He nodded and opened his arms to her, confused and worried. “What’s wrong, darling?” He whispered.

She moved into his open arms and placed her head on his chest, wrapping one arm around the front of him tightly. He felt his shirt dampen where her head lay. He held her close, rubbing one hand up and down her back, waiting for a response. He felt her start to tremble next to him.

“I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified,” she whispered into him. She let out a small cry, scared of his reaction. “I’m terrified you’ll hate me for telling you. I’m terrified you’ll leave if we do end up together. I’m terrified of everything falling apart. I’m terrified of people leaving.”

Elijah’s heart cracked at her words.

“Y/N.. I think I’m terrified to admit the feelings I have for you. I wish nothing more than for your safety and happiness,” He kissed her hair and he felt her relax in his arms. She had fallen asleep on him, inebriated and vulnerable. Elijah held her for the rest of the night, stroking her hair and cherishing the moment.

-

When morning came, Y/N thought her head would explode. She groaned and rolled over, putting her hands over her face. The bed was empty beside her. How did she get in the bed? Her memory was fuzzy, but she remembered large white wings and strong arms carrying her. She sat up in bed, suddenly panicked, realizing who’s room she was in. What else had happened? She concentrated, squeezing her eyes shut.  “I wish nothing more than for your safety and happiness,“ She remembered hearing his deep voice whisper to her before she fell asleep. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest. Had she dreamt of this confession? Did her drunken subconscious trick her into hearing his voice?

Someone cleared their throat in the doorway, startling her. She looked up to see Elijah holding a tray with water, aspirin, eggs, and toast. She blushed intensely, trying to brush her hair down and make herself look decent. He smiled at her warmly. “Good morning. I apologize for startling you,” He said. He crossed the room to her, putting the tray on the nightstand and sitting on the bed next to her.

He stared into her eyes, warmth flooding his chest. “It wasn’t a dream,” he said quietly, confirming her silent hope. He heard her heart flutter at his words.

Tears brimmed her eyes again. She bit her lip and looked down at her hands. “What does this mean for us?” She whispered.

He reached out and moved her chin to look at him. “It means I love you.” He smiled at her. Tears spilled onto her cheeks as she smiled and leaned forward, closing the space between them. She kissed him with no regard for the world around them. Her hands moved to his neck, tangling in his chestnut hair. He pulled her close, deepening the kiss and laying her on the bed. The eggs and toast got cold before Y/N got to them.

-

“I’ve been wanting this since you asked me to dance that night.” Y/N said, playing with Elijah’s hand as they laid side by side. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.” She smiled.

He adjusted to put his arm around her and pulled her close, kissing her head. “You will never have to be terrified again. I am here and I’m not leaving you. You have my word.” He moved her chin with his free hand to gaze into her Y/E/C eyes. He kissed her again, hoping to convey his pent up love and lust in one kiss. He knew he’d never be able to make her understand the depths of his affection for her. Just as he knew he may never know the extent of hers for him.

She pulled away slightly and whispered, “I love you and I’m not terrified anymore.”

[shiro-0197]

Yes!! My other favourite anime will be ending on Sunday too, so I was rewatching it as well.

I'm glad you like my attention xD I like giving it to you— oh yes. We have to wake up very early for school, and since most of us have no self discipline, we sleep very late. So skjdksjsks on average during school, I used to get 6 hours of sleep a day max, unless I slept during class. Which is not healthy ikik but im making up for it now hhhh :]

chocolates for new year?? That sounds so niceeeee!! And oh you have a store?? That's really cool >.< I plan on baking something for new year, if I'm free QwQ Do you celebrate Christmas, Shiro?

And awwww. Im really touched you'd say something like that. I have lots of obsessions tbh xD but my favourites rn are BTS, classic literature, and anime 😣🤚 they're so different, what would you say you like a lot, besides anime? And I hope you know you can talk to me about them anytime!! I'd love to listen.

Of course!! When I go over again, I'll definitely tell him Shiro said hi :>

I love you too, and I hope you sleep well tonight :) glad I could be of help. Okie dokes!! I won't apologize anymore since I do it very often and it'd get tiring 😭😭😭😣😝 but yes!! I get carried away a lot. Glad to know you don't mind tho.

—Ari

Ohh! Can I know what anime is it? I like binging finished stuff😋

Heheh, we also have absolutely no discipline. Some stay up all night. Though they mostly do that to prepare for exams, because there is no other time they can prepare for them as our schedule gets flooded in the day, but still its surprising how some go as far as not sleeping at all. But sometimes bitches do that for no reason and I really start questioning what's up with them sjjfjsndjsjd

I'm glad you're getting more sleep now🥺 It's really important. If I get a minute less or more of sleep, my head hurts, and unfortunately I havent found the amount of time I need for it to not hurt, but I'll get there:)

It sure does sound nice!! Imagine some sweet chocolate bars with a cup of coffee with no sugar, now that sounds like a dream. Wait, I think I'm gonna have that for breakfast now XD

Oh, it's not really our store, it's our apartment's store :D we're used to calling it our cuz there are many different shops here. We never call stores by their names, we have an "our store", a "stairs store" and a "big store" xD

Your plans sound nice!! I wish I was there to bake something with you🥺 itd be so fun!!!

My family doesn't celebrate christmas, since they're Muslim, but my friends congratulate me so I just go with the flow, haha! But we celebrate New Years the same way others celebrate Christmas, so we're not missing out, thankfully~

Ohhh, they're indeed different, but they really compliment each other:0

Hmm, I'm not exactly sure, probably those videos about creepy stuff in our world. Like, not legends or myths, but exactly creepy stuff that's happened or exists or happens regularly, basically anything on the youtube channel "Ridddle" (with 3 Ds, I cant believe I always spelled it with 2😭). That stuff is so sick. Really awesome😍😍 Also, probably music where the singer screams. Like ロキ by mafumafu, theres like a short scream somewhere and I listen to the song for that only😭😭😭 well, not only for that, but I absolutely adore that part and will sell my two eyes to hear something like that on my deathbed

I also hope you slept well tonight!! I slept pretty nice, but my headache is at it again🙄 gonna have a breakfast (brunch probably, since its 10am soon xD) and itll be good!

Yeah, apologizing a lot is reaaaaally exhausting, ik what u mean :< so dont worry, you dont have to apologize to me at all, tbh I really hate the word. "Sorry" it's so weird. Reminds me of JB's song😩😩 and kind of tiring to see people apologize for no reason~

Your message really made my day, strangely enough, haha! Thank you. I love you a lot and I hope your day is going great, good luck with anything you're doing💝💞💖💖💕

[noona-clock]

B! how have you been? So glad your doing a sleep over tonight. I'm stuck at home right because I suddenly got sick about 2pm 😒 one second on I'm fine the next I'm all achy with a runny nose and trying not to throw up. I took some medicine and feel better but my stomach is still giving me shit. I didnt want to risk it and decided not to go out with my friends to the neighborhood fair 😔 so I'll keep myself entertained by reading your asks tonight 🙂

Hi, lovely!! I’m so sorry you’re sick 😭 but it’s a good idea to stay home, especially these days. You can never be too safe!

I’ve been all right. I’ve been better, but I’ve been worse 🤷‍♀️tbh, tumblr has been taking a bit of a toll on me lately, so I decided to do a sleepover to try and turn things around! I would love to make them a regular thing if y’all would like it! 💜

[yeonjuins]

IT'S SO CUTE but then again, everything you create is LITERALLY AMAZING 😭❤️‍🔥 like i'm still so mesmerised by your creations 😍 you're so talented !! ❤️‍🔥

they do say green tea has a lot of benefits !! 🌿 it's supposedly really, really good for you <3 my gran drinks a lot of it, and she says it always makes her feel refreshed 💞 oh it's so delicious !! tea can be pretty cheap here so when i was trying to figure out what teas i would like, i was just buying boxes of different teas. i really like herbal teas <3

it was !! it helped an awful lot, i came out of it a better person. someone more confident. and while i still get my bad days, i'm happier and in a better place mental health wise because of therapy. i've had anxiety attacks since therapy but they're less frequent :) i agree and i wish it was less expensive. one of my close friends who lives in america can't get therapy because it's too expensive for her :(

yeah that's not worth the stress <//3 i'm really worried about going back into education when i figure out what i wanna do with my life bc i don't cope well with stress. stress makes me cry, and it makes me not eat :(

honestly I AM SO EXCITED !! i am praying for nice weather :( our weather this month has been storms, snow, rain, coldness and ice :((( i used to be really active but when lockdown hit for us, it put me back inside and i became comfortable with that <//3

yeah they're really focused on making sure everyone feels comfortable and not ignored 🏳️‍🌈 you can order name tags that have your pronouns on them, they'll design them for you and send them out to you <3 i totally respect that for you 💙 and that's okay 💞💚💙💜

i used to work Sundays in my old job and honestly? kinda liked them. it was always dead so there was more chat, people ordered pizza and we'd be lucky if we had two calls. it was bliss <3 my current job aren't open on Sundays. just Monday to Saturday. but we're on a 5 week rotation so i only work one saturday every 5 weeks so it's not bad !! 🌿 aw that's amazing !! i hope that continues for you 💞 i'm off today because this week is my saturday shift so i'm just chilling today ❤️‍🔥

(lengthy response!)

firstly NEW MOBILE THEME YAYAYAYAY PU8RPLES SOOO TRUE <3 i feel like everyone around me lately has been loving the colour purple and i think that is so adorable... 

ty my love for the compliments hehe i also updated my icon a while back too so it’s not as low quality anymore and i’m so happy (”: thank god my friend found a higher quality photo of the earring yj wore on lsd’s instagram... actually mind blown imo

speaking of caffeine, i had a french vanilla drink today (and ofc i got the smallest size) because i was so utterly sleepy during my first two periods at school and guess what it did to me (”: i ended up taking like 5 naps throughout the day because i felt so exhausted... thankfully my anxiety didn’t go up the roof but i think that’s purely because i just slept through whatever emotions i had LMFAO i thought it would keep me up and it would fix my need to take a nap in the middle of the day but unfortunately, it only messed it up more ;; hopefully i’ll be able to recover (planning to sleep early tonight to see how that goes) 

a bit of a tangent off that top but i used to obsessively drink hot chocolate as though it would keep me up... (<- still does that tbh) PAHHAH hot chocolate is super sweet so it’s not like it actually does anything but i think i convinced myself it does so therefore, i end up do staying up whenever i drink it (placebo effect at its finest) 

ahh.. i think the way that therapy works in any north american system sucks ass LOL (pardon my language) i’m thankful for those who acc are helpful and are beneficial to people’s lives but i truly think people preaching that ‘mental health support is accessible to anyone’ are slightly overreaching (not to be pessimistic) but i won’t go too much into that and rant about my personal experience (”: once again, i’m glad you were able to get the help you needed and come out of it as a better person <3 

i’m really glad i did end up dropping the course ! i have more free time to work on other things and actually begin investing time into healthier work habits/schedule (<- is dying as we speak) but i’m grateful nonetheless for the window of opportunity to finally be able to make a noticeable change in my bad habits.... oh no ): please take it easy... if things ever get too hard, please remember to take a step back and take care of yourself. obviously that’s easier said than done but still important nonetheless. 

today had actually nice weather (”: it was sunny outside and it motivated me to go to school/come home and be productive for the first few hours... (until my caffeine crash kicked in <3) just a good reminder that spring is around the corner and i am very excited to leave this winter depression hehe

i don’t have much to further comment on in terms of the name tags other than how that is so lovely ): i’ve already said this x50 times but i’m glad you’re in a community like that (”: 

i really like the place i work at (: to be clear as well, i have an internship that i work on weekdays, and then on the weekends i work in a retail store (that’s usually what i’m referring to when i say ‘work’). it’s a very nice community and i’ve been there for several months now so it’s nice being in the swing of things / having that trust with your coworkers already built (”: that sounds lovely omg... to order pizza at work... it’s happened a few times at our store where a coworker will order pizza for the rest of us and truthfully, those days are amazing hehe i rmbr once we didn’t finish a pizza and i got to take the enitre thing home <3 i hope ur day went well my love and that u rested well <3 

[imasucker-4-memories]

hi hi me again!!

awwww YAY!!! i’m so happy you were able to go and have a good time!! 🥰💖 i’m not exactly sure what type of convention that is but it sounds interesting!! conventions look so fun to go to!!!

awwww please you’re so precious!! 🥺🥺🥺 wouldn’t mind you throwing hands with the weather tbh 😭 it’s looking like it’s probably gonna rain on and off all week unfortunately, but am just gonna stay in bed and be cozy!! today i’m just watching some anime and cartoons!! i recently started snow white with the red hair on hulu and it’s been so adorable so far!! have you seen it? 🥰 what’s your day looking like so far? i really hope it’s going well!! 🥺💖

i would be down for a code name!! i’m not the greatest with coming up with names myself but if there’s anything that’ll help you remember me, i don’t mind going by that name! 🥰 that’s really sweet that you think of me as well!! it made me so happy to hear that!! i worry about annoying people too much 😅

please take care of yourself and make sure you’re hydrated and fed and get in some rest!!! 💖💖💖

Hello and welcome back!!

It was so much fun!! I'm so glad I went and got to enjoy with some of my best friends☺️ it's a boardgame convention! So there were boardgames galore that you could try out and buy, and people cosplaying (there was a contest for that I wish I saw), there were larping events and places to buy that stuff, anime booths, a magic the gathering tournament and a ton of other different booths! It was awesome too because it wasn't just some of the big names that everyone knew but really tiny companies and indie developers too. I bought a boardgame called Fire Tower, never heard of it until I was at the booth, but it's so much fun and easy to play! Same with a game called Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza😂 played it with my group and random people and had the time of my life. I haven't laughed that hard in so long. I can't wait to go next year and go to more conventions🥰

I'll make sure weather never hurts you again, and when it comes back that it'll be nice to you about it😡😡😡yeah it's supposed to rain all week here too and get a bit cold these coming days but I don't mind because I love wearing hoodies and flannels🥰 but staying in bed all cozy is always a solid plan! God I wish that were me this morning😭 I slept super late last night and had to get up early, fell asleep multiple times at work and just got up from a two hour nap that was initially supposed to be a half hour😂 but it could have been worse. Flaked on some errands because I was so tired from work but there's always tomorrow!

That sounds like a good day! What're your favorite animes/cartoons? I have not! Haven't even heard of it but I looked it up and it looks super cute! What's it about? Maybe I'll watch it tonight☺️💖

I don't want to give you a nickname you won't like😂 I initially wanted to go with letter M. Just felt good saying out loud, ya know? But what's your favorite animal? Maybe we can refer you as that☺️ I don't I'd ever forget you, I wouldn't want to anyways😌

Aww I'm glad I can make you happy! Well you don't annoy me at all!! I anticipate hearing from you☺️💕

Take care of yourself too!! Stay well and the same to you! I hope to hear back soon☺️💖💖💖

[ushijimawakaflockaflame-blog]

I'm so glad I found your blog! Everything is so well written! If you don't mind, may I ask for a Tsukishima scenario where the reader is a childhood friend who moved abroad but came back? And Tsukki's initially mad but then realizes that he's actually in love with her? I do love me a good nsfw scenario but feel free to take this in any direction you want. Thank you! :DD

AN: Ooooommmggg I’m sorry this took so long! & thanks so much, I’m so glad you like my writing!

Y’all really love Tsukki huh LOL. I live for mad Tsukki tbh. I hope you don’t mind, but I decided not to make it nsfw because I have written quite a few already. Female pronouns will be used, since you said “her” in the ask. Enjoy!

Tsukishima woke up with the same melancholy every morning. The emptiness in his chest lingered in the mornings and settled in the evenings. Today the skies were gray and it was days like these where his heart was the heaviest.

This morning, Tsukishima stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling until he felt pathetic. He supposed he should be productive today rather than sulk in his room. As usual, he showered, brushed his teeth, got dressed, and went downstairs to watch tv. Sometimes he ate breakfast, but lately he didn’t have an appetite.

He sat on the couch staring at the tv screen for about two hours now, but he didn’t care; he wasn’t paying attention, anyways. He focused on the cool air in his home, trying to breathe in the morning before he could suffocate. When he choked on his water, he knew today wasn’t going to be a good day.

The doorbell rang, shaking him from his lulled state. He sighed, hoping it was his mother coming home from the market, or something.

When he swung the door open, he felt the cold air fill his lungs and cave in.

You stood in front of him with your hands behind your back, looking bashful and innocent. Tsukishima’s eyes widened. Why were you here? Not just in front of his house, but back in this country? How long ago was it when you left, leaving your best friend in the gray state of denial and lonliness?

You looked nothing like you did before you moved. You didn’t look like the same goofy child that played with him until the sun set. You weren’t the same friend that stayed with him when he felt like he couldn’t trust his only brother. In front of him, he only saw a ghost haunting his existence.

He didn’t know who you were. He didn’t want to.

“Oh, good,” you smiled. “You still live here.”

Tsukishima didn’t respond. He stood in the doorway, not offering you to step inside his home. His eyes never left yours and you could feel the ice in his gaze pierce your soul. Not a second went by where he faltered his expression, and you didn’t blame him.

“So,” you began, breaking the awkward silence. “Do you remember me?”

“No.”

Tsukishima was lying, and you knew it, too. You just wished he wasn’t so good at it. Even though you knew he remembered you, you couldn’t help the sting in your heart when he said he didn’t.

And that’s exactly what he wanted. He wanted you to feel the same pain he felt years ago when you left. He would take every opportunity to jab at you if it meant that you felt even a fraction of what he felt.

He wanted to break you, and you deserved it.

“_____,” your voice cracked. “It’s me, _____. You really don’t remember?”

“I’ve never heard of that name before. If you’ll excuse me,” he said. Without waiting for your response, he slammed the door shut.

You stood in the same spot for several minutes staring at the closed door. You felt the hot tears spill down your cheeks as you struggled to turn and walk home, but you couldn’t. Your feet were glued to the concrete, forcing you to remember the disgusted look on his face when he opened the door. You wished that Akiteru was with you like he always was when his brother was being mean, but he wasn’t, and you had no idea what to do.

Tsukishima stood facing the door until the guilt subsided and was replaced with bitterness. Up to this day, he had planned all of the things he would ever tell you if you were to meet again. He wanted so badly to yell at you, to watch your heart collapse on itself as he told you what it felt like when you left, but he didn’t. The minute he saw your blushing face, his world stopped and the air felt heavy.

Clicking his tongue, he left his spot to return to the couch.

Maybe next time.

Something you had learned to love when you lived in the states was riding the trains to and from the city. Going to Tokyo from Miyagi was too far for your taste, so circling the neighboring towns would have to do.

Either way, it was a way for you to escape this lonely town.

It’s been a month since you landed back home and went straight to see Tsukishima. After all those years of being apart, you thought he would be happy to see you.

You should have known better.

You haven’t seen him since that day, and it was probably for the best. It was clear that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with you, and you only blamed yourself.

It wasn’t that you left without telling him that made you feel guilty, it was that you left him with empty promises of writing to him as often as you could. Because you both weren’t really old enough to have cell phones and e-mails, he relied on you to send him hand-written letters, but you never did. You thought that you would miss him too much if you wrote to him everyday, so you decided not to, and you left Tsukishima with nothing.

You sighed and blasted your music to block your thoughts as you waited for the train to arrive. You looked around the terminal, seeing friends and families waiting with you. The weekends were always busy and bustling, but you didn’t mind. Maybe people-watching would help with the distraction.

Your eyes scanned the opposite side of the train stop, looking at all of the different hair colors and casual clothes. You flinched at the high frequency of blond hair in the crowd. You flinched even harder at the blonds with glasses.

But you realized there was only one.

At the far end of the stop, you saw the lankiest, grumpiest, lonliest blond in the patch, scrolling through his phone. You felt your lips twitch; years later and his headphones were still too big for his head.

What were the chances that you’d see Tsukishima when you were trying to forget him? Just seeing him made your heart clench with guilt, but you couldn’t deny that you were happy to see him.

Even if he hated you, even if he wanted nothing to do with you, you wanted nothing more than to be by his side.

You could hear both trains approaching from opposite sides. Everyone looked towards their respective train when they heard the horn blare, except you. Your eyes were still on Tsukishima, hoping he would catch you staring at him as he looked to his train.

His lazy eyes lifted from his phone screen and the second he turned his head, he caught your heated stare that burned holes into skull. He tried to move, tried to leave your sight, but you pulled him in like you always did.

The trains wizzed between the two of you, but even two trains couldn’t pull you away from him. With everyone filing in, you lost Tsukishima in the crowd and you panicked.

You didn’t want to lose him.

You got up and rushed to where he was on the opposite side. You didn’t dare go in the train, and you hoped he wouldn’t either. You saw your reflection on the windows and you looked desperate and pathetic, but you already knew that.

The trains began to move and your heart accelerated at the same rate. If Tsukishima wasn’t there, then that’s when knew. But if, by some chance, he was, what were you to do? All of these thoughts in your head, and you almost wished he wasn’t there to save you the time and tears.

But there he stood, directly across from you. He no longer looked grumpy or lonely, he only looked hurt. Your heart shattered and you could no longer stop the tears, but your lips trembled as they forced a smile.

You ran down the stairs from your side of the stop to where Tsukishima was. Before you could even reach the stairs, you saw him waiting for you at the bottom.

You struggled to say his name. “Ts-Tsuki-”

“Don’t,” he said. You ignored him, hearing the whimper in his voice as you stepped closer.

There he stood, right in front of you, and you weren’t going to let him escape from you this time. So you wrapped your arms around his waist, holding him tightly as you cried into his chest. He wanted to shove you away and scream at you to leave, but he couldn’t. Instead he accepted his fate. With reluctant hands, he held you close.

“You left me,” he whispered.

“I know.”

“When I needed you.” You could feel his hands shake.

“I know.”

“I hate you.”

You let out an airy laugh. Whether it was true or not, it didn’t matter; all that mattered was that you were finally with him, by his side, and you weren’t planning on leaving anytime soon.

“That’s ok. I’ll just wait until you get tired of hating me.”

“Tch,” he scoffed. Tsukishima was tired. He was tired of hating you, tired of being alone, tired of being tired. You were finally back home, with him, and he needed you to stay. He wasn’t going to lose you again. He sighed, resting his chin on top of your head.

“How can I make it up to you?” you asked, not loosening your grip one bit.

“Stay with me tonight.”

You pulled away from Tsukishima’s chest to look at his face. Tears pricked his eyes, but he was so stubborn that he refused to let them fall, and you laughed. God, you missed him so much.

“Just tonight?”

“Every night,” he sighed again, steading his breath. “Just stay.”

You were speechless at his ability to be vulnerable, and it made your head spin. You missed him. You missed him so much that it hurt, but it was not even close to how hurt he was. You wanted nothing more than to stay with him tonight, tomorrow night, until the moon fell from the sky.

You blushed at Tsukishima’s bold demand. “O-Ok.”

“Good.”

You laced your fingers with his and pulled him with you, and he followed. You were finally home, with him, and there was no way he was going to let the stars fall before the moon. He wasn’t going to let you leave his side ever again.

[survivorinternational]

Episode 5 - "I'm on a tribe full of fat flops." - Randy

Sooo breaking news of the day: Michael just approached me about working together with Emily I think the Veni boot made him spooked as well because he's been doing well in challenges too But Michael and Emily are the two I've been getting along the most with on this new tribe so I'm definitely not opposed to that He asked if I wanted to include someone else and I said, well, obviously I have a good relationship with Ginger since we started out on the same tribe But we shall see what happens The Ginger-Tyler connection could possibly complicate things Plus I predict Michael has an alliance with the og Ala Mai as well He's probably trying to secure his spot at merge right now But I'm open to any plans, and Michael would definitely be a good shield for me so I don't want to get rid of him anytime soon I could see us working together well Update: Talked to Ginger and as I predicted, he was not as ecstatic about the thought of working with Michael as he would've been about working with Tyler + Emily. But we agreed that it is always good to have as many allies as possible and we shouldn't turn this opportunity down. Michael should be doing the chat later tonight. Kinda hope we would've won reward, since none of the advantages seem to be on my good side as of now, and that's going to become a problem later in the game. But I can't really complain since there was no way I was going to step up and do the comp, I don't need any more attention drawn towards myself. My plan of laying lower has now put into action. I gave the immunity challenge my good 80% in hopes of avoiding tribal while not being the top scorer for my tribe. Plus I feel I am naturally bad at this type of challenge where you have to think and type really fast. I just hope I didn't flop ENTIRELY. I know my capitals and survivor seasons but the rest of the categories were not my jam at all. Also, according to Andreas 'Fuck' is a movie???? Who would've thought. Scored me a point so not complaining in the slightest. My social game is still kinda lacking, been feeling lazy to start conversations lately so I haven't talked to some of these people in a while. Ugh. I should fix that.  Emphasis on SHOULD. Not sure if I will. 

Man it really sucks that all it took was 5 points from anyone of us to win that challenge and it frustrates me that I scored a pretty good score, not the highest but I'm in danger of going home. I wasted my idol last tribal council and I have no more spare protection on me so it's like the game has taken a whole new life for me and it's all about social manoeuvring now. But the way I see it, if the tribe was playing long term, they would take out either Stephen or me because there's still 5 OG ala mai left compared to the 4 of the two other tribes, so I need to make myself useful to clash and allan and goat for them to save my butt because I need to M A K E  M E R G E. 

i’m drunk but we won we won we won baby boy we won boy i am happy i don’t have to vote off anyone i am drhnk 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nt5bJDsUcCzUm-0tWRCtDbr6NRD78ntq/view?usp=drivesdk

Wooooohoooo we won the challenge, so no tribal once again! And I didn't even overperform this time, so that's just great. I hope to keep this going. I bet the Faatasi are sad they voted Veni out now, some of them tried their absolute hardest and they would've destroyed us if Veni was included in that group haha. But that's what you get, now you gotta vote someone out again! I hope to see some more idols or advantages being used so they can't be used against me later in the game haha. I'm gonna be really fucked if I don't find anything!!! I'm gonna get idoled out again fuck yesssss I can feel it. If Sluggy didn't perform so well in the challenge I would definitely predict he's going tonight, but I'm not as sure anymore. I kinda have a feeling Clash has the Faatasi idol because he stopped sharing me his idol guesses pretty early.... But that's simply a guess, literally anyone but me could have it haha. Anyhow I hope someone from og Ala Mai or Saolotoga is going tonight, just for numbers' sake. I haven't had a chance to meet them yet and it would be more difficult to start bonding at merge when there's so much tension and power shifts happening! It'll be interesting to see how their tribal turns out since the og tribes are split 2-2-2 on their side right now. Ginger is definitely not a huge fan of Michael, but we both agreed it's great for us if we let him run the show on our side right now. If we manage to work from his shadows, hopefully people will come at him come merge instead of us. 

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Wait a minute the hosts want us to be around tonight after tribal council Are we merging???? Please no not yet I'm not ready!!!! It's a busy weekend for me

Doing this before i get in trouble. Why must they always remind me of confessionals when im at work or bed. Veni deserved better Its a bit Quiet in the Ala Mai alliance chat. Made new Alliance with Vilma, Ginger and Emily Immunity Challenge: Not happy with scores... could have done much bettee. Got scores back... 2nd best in tri e and the tribe won... huh... Safe for another day. Still no idol. Merge is being suggested... please not yet... i need more time

Lemme just say I don't feel so good about this tribal council. No one seems to be anywhere which makes me believe that I'm the target. All I can do is pray to God, but if He wants me gone now He'll send me home now. If He wants me to stay He will make a way and I just gotta trust Him. 

um so this round has been very tough because we lost again but I genuinely don't want to keep Stephen in the dark the reason I told him, if that bites me in the ass its my own fault but I am thinking for long term and I really hope sludgy goes by a unanimous vote here and everything will be perfect 

I'm so glad we won again! It is so nice to be on such a winning tribe. 

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Did I submit? I dont remember. The bad thing about not going to tribal is that idk who I can work with.

So obvious the four of me Allan and randy are staying together. Stephen pulled me and clash into an alliance and that saved him and now sluggy is hopefully going to go home. I’m super pissed we lost by 4 points but it’s all based on loyalty for me this round, challenge abilities are out the window tbh 

Hopefully merge is not THAT soon ! If it is I will lay low at the beginning because I suck at taking control when the numbers are so big and messy . Also I hope an ala Mai member will get evicted tonight so it will be 4-4-4 tribal division 

i’m in an alliance with vilma, ginger, and michael! i’m happy with where i’m at in this game tbh. very content. and i think merge is next too gurl!!!!!!! i’m excited very very excited

We won the challenge again which is good, but knowing that Sluggy felt unsafe enough to play an idol, it is a slight worry for Stephen and Stephen, hopefully they vote off Randy or someone, but there's a good possibility won of them goes. The upcoming rumoured merge is slightly worrying, I have talked a bit to Vilma and Emily but Ginger and Liana haven't spoken much to me, and reply with very little substance. Coming into a merge I would love to keep everyone who is willing to speak to me in as long as possible. It might be best for me to "throw" a few of the first merge challenges to keep a target off of my back. After what happened to Veni, I don't trust that the threats wont go early.

Hi the power four which are me clash pay and allan are deciding to evict sluggy ive been building bonds with stephen, and trying to like mist sluggy but idk. If sluggy has an idol im afraid I'll go. But I scored the highest on the tribe so at least i didnt lose us the challenge so <<33 im on a tribe full of fat flops

Uhhh, everyone is really quiet, am I getting blindsided? This isn’t my time man I have so much more to put in to this game. If I get voted out I want everyone to know its Crash’s fault.

Okay so I was quite inactive this round but thank god clash really looked out for me this round and (to my knowledge) kept my name out of his mouth. All I have to do now is keep my head down and hopefully the 4 we’ve established can work together to get through this double.

So here I am, loving life, living it to the fullest. Getting drunk and also having a good time with no reception. So what I didn’t do was talk to anyone hehe awks. Anyway thriving. I’m now a close alliance with ginger hehe cheeky. Working hard on the challenge absolutely thriving

[drawingvoices-blog1]

Lunch was good! We had Panda Express and and just walked around the mall for a while afterwords, it was nice to catch up on everything going on at my old store lol. I didn't see they added gotg omg that's cool (I have that on DVD already but still!) and dude tell me about it, I'm such a night owl I should prob look into finding a job that's overnights. And speaking of staying up way too late it's 5am here rn hah. I'm gonna go to sleep but I hope ur doctors visit goes okay! -basti

Aw that sounds like a great aafternoon! i’m glad you found time to meet your friend and that you two had fun!

yeah they did a while ago, i haven’t rewatched it yet tbh but i might do that tonight? i still wanna have a star wars marathon too so i need to figure out when to do all that lmao

yeah same tbh?? i always wanted to be a night auditor in a hotel or something, but you don’t really get paid well for that and tbh i love graphic design too much to not wanna do it

hush okay i hope you slept well aaa