#i'm sleep-deprived and in the middle of exams but this made think about what makes a classic and what's the definition of fanfiction

[ultfreakme]

You must be in a tumblr bubble because how have you never seen posts with thousands notes claiming most classical literature is actually fanfiction of bible and the rest is of mythology. Like, this isn’t a hot take on tumblr, unfortunately.

Probably because I have a life outside of tumblr and curate my experience, but yes, I have seen posts about how Paradise Lost is just Bible fanfic and Dante's Inferno is self-insert fanfiction, but mostly from people who watch OSPD videos and say it as a joke. It's a major simplification of about a dozen concepts but okay, if you look at it from the point of definitions, yeah, Paradise Lost & the Divine Comedy are technically fanfiction; they are based on pre-existing work, with Dante there's irl people in scenarios they've never been in, etc etc.

Although I have never seen anyone saying any particular fanfic is a literary masterpiece that must simply be taught in academic settings, which is what that OP's post was actually implying.

And here's the thing; I think fanfic has the potential to be considered a classic. Because, what makes let's say, the Divine Comedy so important? It's not because it's old, but because it struck a nerve among the masses, it did things against the societal structure no one dared to do before, it transformed the Italian language as we know it, it's this carefully, excruciatingly crafted work in terms of sentence structure and is primarily a theological exploration. Now this stands out also because the og canon content, the Bible, is MASSIVE in influence. That thing STILL shapes social norms, conventions and expectations.

No current fanfiction now will ever come to be seen as a true classic unless the canon thing the fic is based on reaches Bible levels of influence on society, which is going to take centuries. Same can be applied to Greek Myths in general(also in both these cases the canon thing is also tied to social structure and religion which large portions of the world follow). We don't want to equate the term 'fanfiction' to that stuff because it feels like it's beyond that but technically, yeah. It's fanfiction.

But the term fanfiction itself is extremely recent, it was said first in 1939 and therefore carries temporal contexts and definitions. It's why it feels juvenile and uncomfortable assigning such a new, and initially frowned-upon term to classics. Being angry about what is and what isn't fanfiction depends entirely upon how you view the term 'fanfiction'.

For me, it is value-neutral and doesn't immediately denote lowered quality these days because at the most fundamental level, fanfiction is literary work based on pre-existing media. But if you add the current cultural context in which fanfiction is primarily written, ie., posted online by anyone and everyone with a desire to write, mostly to fulfill shipping fantasies or certain character scenarios canon didn't provide, then I can see why people would consider giving the label of fanfiction to the classics an insult or "shooting too high".

Maybe 'fanfiction' isn't fitting because of all the social stigma around it, maybe it doesn't apply because it feels like trying to apply modern story beats and terms to ancient mythology. What specifically, is making someone uncomfortable about the term 'fanfiction' on the classics? What the hell even is "fanfiction" in the first place because you could argue that The Song of Achilles is canon-compliant POV change fanfiction but its advertised as a retelling. Pride & Prejudice & Zombies also counts for fic. I think there's a good discussion to be had on what makes "fanfiction" as we know it now what it is because even I think assigning the term to Divine Comedy or Paradise Lost feels wrong. Maybe it's about intent? The classics are written with the need for social change or to make people see things different; art for life's sake. But most fic these days are purely art for art's sake- it is peak self-indulgence and self-expression.

I'm looking it up and people keep narrowing the definition of "fanfiction" as like

Amateur writing

Based on copyrighted characters

Without permission from og creator

Now that whole "copyright" concept complicates things because Romeo & Juliet? Not originally by Shakespeare. Dude borrowed characters from a different play, pretty sure he changed Juliette's name, and he wrote it when the og was only recently made. The concept of "copyright" and "author permission" is also VERY recent. What even counts as actually "amateur" because Van Gogh is considered a pro now but when he was alive he only sold one painting apparently so back then he could've been classified as "amateur"?

I have fully derailed. I forgot what I wanted to say-- Okay yeah I'm aware people say the classics are fanfiction, and in a way, yeah, it is, depending on how the individual defines "fanfiction".

[wandixx]

I like the idea of deified Batman, but I also thought 'hey, Wonder Woman is a demigoddess, she would be perfect for that!' I think Raven could also work but I don't feel like I know her enough to write her yet.

So I've written a story about sick and tired Danny doing emergency mentor summoning and ending up with Diana. I mean, she had at least two proteges and I haven't heard a thing about her being awful at that so she is probably more than fitting for the role.

So, yeah, just. Danny and Diana. I hope I haven't messed up characterisation too badly.

Feel free to point out my mistakes, English isn't my first language so I'm trying to convince myself it's actually educational and I'm not wasting my time instead of learning to ✨most important exam in my life✨

Anyways...

***********

Danny was having a week, one of the worst weeks of his life at that. Vlad was being a creep again, Sam and Tucke had no-talk days, Jazz was pestering him about his grades and emotions, his parents created new weapons, upping the security system, ghosts were coming around like it was going out of style and on top of that, sleep deprivation finally took the tool of his immune system and he caught a cold. He was exhausted, he had a fever and he didn’t even have enough time to cry over it. He was desperate. He needed help like a normal human needed air.

He needed a mentor.

Someone who could teach him how to use his powers better, how to deescalate conflicts (this would be useful to him both as Phantom and Fenton), how to balance hero and civilian life, how to improve his PR, how to keep civilians safe during his fights, how to lower property damage, how to patch himself up…

Yeah, he needed one heck of a competent hero.

Good thing Ghost Zone was big and he recently borrowed an occult book from Sam. There had to be at least one ghost out there that could help him. His luck couldn’t be this bad. He just had to draw a good circle and think of the right offering. Would it be blood? He kind of didn’t want to deal with someone who required blood. But what else he had? Oh, right, Mom made a fudge earlier that day, there still has to be some left. Mom’s fudge was great, it should be enough. He just had to snatch it from the kitchen without getting too injured. Easy enough.

He returned from a successful hunt with half a batch of fudge, a knife, a few plates, and little nicks on his cheek and arm. He put it all down on the floor next to his bed. He opened the book, which was big enough to be used in self-defense, searching for a chapter about tools. He covered himself in the thickest blanket he owned. God, why was his room so cold?

He almost fell asleep three times while reading and even his energy drink had trouble keeping him awake. But he understood enough. Chalk was often used to make summoning but it wasn’t necessary. A tool used to write had to be infused with magic, whatever that meant and chalk was easiest. There was even contact info for the guy who had been selling this stuff. Danny just hoped that the ecto-contamination of his house infused itself with his pens enough for it to count. Shiver went down his spine s he fixed his blanket. He would kill for something warm to drink but he wasn’t willing to face the kitchen again. He considered wrapping himself in a comforter but chose against it. It would restrain his movement too much and he would like to not fall asleep before he finished. It would be really awkward to explain to his parents what he even tried to do if they found him like that.

Never mind, let’s get down to business. If it worked and if making a deal didn’t take too long, he could even catch four hours of sleep and that’s a treat. So with all the enthusiasm he could muster, he tore a page from the middle of his notebook and drew basic circle as accurately as he could manage. There a little problem appeared. He had to personalize his summoning but he didn’t have an exact person on mind, so it wasn’t like he could just slap their name and some titles on top. Thank god, Sam’s book came with a little rune dictionary and it seemed like his ghost side instinctually knew some of this stuff. He could make it.

He opened his pen and immediately wrote two symbols.

Hero. Mentor.

He bit the end of his marker. What else should he put?

Reliable. Kind. Patient. Safety. No harm from summoner and sumonee. Warrior. Diplomat…

Quite some time and over two dozen runes later by leaned back with a satisfied smile. This should be good enough. He really couldn’t think of another loophole he should look out for.

He put paper that was almost more blue than white on the floor next to fudge and rolled to get candles he borrowed from Jazz (without her knowledge but he planned to give it back) with matches. He didn’t trust any lighter in his house.

From there, it took only a few moments to set everything up. He started chanting, hoping against hope that this would work. However, it seemed to do work. When glow arose, he had passing thought that he should stand up and drop the blanket so he didn’t look pathetic, but choose against it after almost eating shit during the first try. Maybe his ghostly mentor would be more willing to guide him if he looked as miserable as he felt. It didn’t matter. The shine of the circle dimed, the figure of a high, muscled woman becoming clearer in a poorly lit room.

Danny was glad he was sitting because he wasn’t sure he could keep himself from scrambling and falling if he was up.

In the middle of his little, messy room, in all her Amazon warrior glory stood Wonder Woman.

*~*~*~*

Diana had quite honestly great week. There were no world-ending threats, villains in her city were quiet (which was suspicious but she liked her off time and wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the teeth), tasks at her civilian work were going smoothly and other members of the Justice League also didn’t have big problems, so their bi-weekly, mandatory meeting quickly devolved into a gossip session. It was so calm that even Bruce let himself be dragged into more unofficial conversation and shared a story of his kids’ most recent shenanigans.

Probably that’s the reason why the sudden hit of nausea and blurring vision caught her so off guard. Then world faded for no longer that single beat of heart. One moment, she was laughing at Clark’s parental struggles, sitting in a brightly lit, spacious room of Watchtower and next she was standing in a quiet, dark space in an unknown location. In front of her was a window, through which street lamps shone. There were other, less stable sources of light, which she quickly recognized as candles. As her eyes got used to darkness she was able to make out the shapes of things around her. It looked… innocent. Like a civilian bedroom. It took her way longer than she was willing to admit to realize that the shapeless bundle in front of her was a teenage boy covered in blanked, looking at her up and down with wide, glowing green eyes.

She shifted her weight and moved her head to let some of her hair fall on her face. She raised her hand to fix it, discretely turning on comm in the meantime.

The boy winced at that, pulled out of the shocked haze that just got him. He tried and failed to get up, twisted in the folds of his blanket. He tried again, this time slower and succeeding. He was short. No more than 5 feet 6 inches if she was guessing correctly.

“It’s not a kidnapping!” he whisper-yelled which was a concerning thing to say but was also relieving. The boy seemed honest and even more shocked at her appearance in his room than she was. It was promising.

“Alright, young man. Let’s say I believe you. Can you tell me where are we?” she asked with calm confidence. She shifted again to lower her face closer to the boy’s eye level.

“FentonWorks, Amity Park, Illinois, United States. First floor” he stated, voice hoarse. He moved under his blanket. Good thing he wanted to cooperate at least “I’m so sorry Miss Wonder Woman, ma’am. I didn’t know this could work on living people too. I’ll send you back, just give me a moment to find the right rune” he added, already picking big, old looking book from the floor. He sat back at an unmade bed, muttering something.

She could work with that.

However the comment about ‘living people’ was a little concerning. But first, she needed better light to asses her situation accurately.

“It’ll be easier with the light turned on” she proposed with a gentle smile. Boy raised his head to look at her with a slow, blank blink. Only after a moment, realization dawned on his face.

“Right sorry, sorry” he muttered, stumbling on his feet.

“We confirmed your location. He was right. We’re sending help. Give it ten minutes.” Bruce announced over the comm.

She tapped her bracelet once to let her teammates know she heard them but couldn’t talk and then did the same thing three times in rapid succession. She squinted her eyes when the boy turned on a lamp.

“What do you mean ‘no’?!” Bruce sounded exasperated. She ignored him instead looking around the messy room she was in and the boy who managed to summon her. He didn’t look well.

“Tell me, could you hold on to my lasso for the rest of our talk?” Of course, she could bind him with it without his consent but it always made things easier. Additionally, she had no idea what he was capable of. She better play it safe until she had a better grasp on the situation.

Boy was clearly hesitant (understandably so if he knew what her weapon did) but with a sigh far wearier than a person his age should manage, he outstretched his hand waiting for Golden Perfect.

“I dragged you all the way here, it’s only fair” He admitted still quiet, grabbing lasso before picking his book back up. He seemed adamant about getting her back.

"What is your name, young sorcerer?"

“Daniel Jack Fenton. Please call me Danny. I’m really not a sorcerer this is my first time summoning someone and I probably won’t do it again. I’m sorry for getting you here I really didn’t want it to happen” newly named Danny almost pleaded. Now that she could see him properly, she realized that he looked sickly. He was pale like dead other than an ill blush that graced his cheek accompanied by a bleeding cut, bugs under his (now mundanely blue), bloodshot, glazed, unfocused eyes were so dark they almost seemed to be bruised. He was shivering under his thick blanket despite how warm his room was even without it. He should be in bed with a warm drink, not summoning unknown entities. Diana was suddenly very glad she got dragged instead of something possibly hostile boy wouldn’t be able to stop.

“Thank you, Danny. I’m not mad at you, it’s clear you didn’t want me to get here in the first place. But you don’t look too good, how do you feel?”

She heard her teammates stop planning for a moment.

Boy for his part, looked at her absolutely baffled. His shock grew even stronger when he answered “Bad” against his will. He covered his mouth with wide eyes, lasso still twisted around his left palm.

She wanted to press a little more but she wasn’t Batman. She understood when interrogation was a bad idea.

“Alright. Why don’t you put your book down and go to rest then? My friends can be here in a few minutes.”

Boy stared at space vaguely around her head, clearly considering pros and cons, tempted to take her offer. However before he could answer, mist left his mouth in a way that was normally impossible in such warm room. Danny jumped on his feet, dropping his blanket in the process, ready to fight. His feet were too far from each other, raised hands positioned in a way that left his almost entire torso unprotected. His whole pose screamed lack of proper training. Diana tensed and readied herself too, promising herself to teach Danny some proper combat after everything was settled and he healed.

“Do you know what we will face?” she whispered but before she was answered sound of high high-powered laser gun erupted from the room under them and no longer than a blink later, at least a 7-foot-tall robot with a mohawk phased through ground.

“Skulker” Danny sighed “Can we do it another time? I’m kinda busy” he tried to quip, still quiet, vaguely gesturing towards her. She doubted that whoever it was would care that by was busy if they attacked him so sick and exhausted. On the other hand, her presence could be enough of a threat to make the assailant go away. Naïve, but she could understand this line of thought. She put her hand on her sword, trying to look both imposing and non-provocative.

The robot laughed in a surprisingly organic way. Danny prepared to jump.

“You’ll not trick me like that, Phantom!” the robot announced loud like a cannon “I, Skulker, the Greatest Hunter in the entire Ghost Zone will have your pelt in my lair. Today days of your running come to an end.”

That sounded really, really bad. League was aware of the existence of a hero called Phantom and was meaning to reach out but because he was amazingly effective but showed no interest in things outside of his city, it wasn’t too high on their list of priorities. However now, it turned out that said hero was fourteen years old, clearly an overwhelmed kid doing his best.

“What a shameful being you are to attack a child at a time like that.” Skulker looked at her with a studious gaze.

“Amazon. Your bunch is such a rare sight. Not as rare as halfa but-”

“LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!” Danny screeched, talking the robot to the ground. Soon boy was thrown to the wall, not letting as much as a whimper at the impact. Even more, he tried to get up and continue fighting like all heroes tended to do. Hunter flew towards him with a low chuckle. Gods help her, she was not going to let him touch this child ever again.

She beat Skulker and tied him up before Danny managed to stand back up. It was nice to see pure awe in his eyes when he looked at his tied up rogue. It took even less time to trap this monster in one of the containment devices boy had lying around. She couldn’t get over its resemblance to an actual thermos, especially after the young hero used words–  

“Soup time”

As a catchphrase.

"Sorry, I'm usually better than that."

Obviously, he was sick and exhausted. 

"You did as well as you could"

There was the sound of footsteps on the other side of the door.

“Danny, honey, are you alright? I heard those ghost scums again, don’t worry Mom’ll be there in a second” the middle-aged woman said, getting closer. Diana looked around for a potential hiding spot. Neither she nor Danny (probably) wanted to explain her presence there.

“Sorry Mom, I was watching one of older fights and my headphones unplugged. I didn’t know it would wake you up, sorry”

“It’s alright sweetheart. Don’t stay up for too long, you have school tomorrow and tell us if you find anything on ghosts” Mrs. Fenton answered with a soft, motherly tone. If Danny wasn’t clearly too sick to function, it would be picture perfect family moment.” Especially on this Phantom scum, we need to get rid of him soon, people are starting to believe his manipulations” addition oozed with hatred, successfully destroying last bits of illusion. Diana almost winced. Danny didn’t suppress this instinct.

“It wasn’t Phantom’s”

“Alright. Good night Danny.”

“ ‘Night Mom”

As soon as they heard the door to presumably a woman’s bedroom closing, the boy turned to her with wide eyes.

“They don’t know and they are ghost hunters.”

Phantom was often called a ghost. Oh.

It just kept getting worse.

“They are a good parents and love both of their kids. I’m sure they’ll accept me I’m just not ready to have this talk.”

Diana nodded silently. She really didn’t know how to go about it, especially since she just saw that his parents weren’t really as good as he thought they were. Though it was nice that they weren’t bad enough to kill his hope for acceptance.

Only then did her eyes land on a paper sheet more ink blue than white that got her summoned. She got it from the ground and started reading. Her skills in this matter were a little rusted but she had spent far too much time learning this to ever forget. Her eyes widened just the slightest bit when she deciphered the two biggest symbols.

“You tried to summon help. A mentor” she whispered. It wasn’t really a question but Danny nodded anyway, eyes locked on the floor. All of a sudden, he looked embarrassed.

“I honestly hoped I’d just have to strike a deal with a heroic ghost, sorry it got you instead.”

Diana smiled.

“How about we meet next week when you’re healthier and well-rested and you tell me what help you need?”

Short DPXDC Prompts #926

There’s so many “Batfam/Justice League summons Danny” ideas out there. What if it was the other way around? Danny, desperate for a mentor and wisdom in defending his small town, summons a Being of Justice to help teach him how to be a vigilante.

[dawnowar]

Spending my Xmas days off cleaning the house

Went to get my annual eye exam today before the end of the year and my prescription hasn't changed which is cool because i have roughly 50 pairs of glasses now and I don't want to have to start over. Makes me want to buy more even though i clearly do not need more but that never stopped me before.

I was going to take myself out for chicken wings so i asked where the best ones are and then went there. It was a sports bar with a big "seat yourself" sign, so I did and promptly got completely ignored by everyone who works there. As i sat on the uncomfortable chair waiting for no one to take my order I noticed how much i hate this place and the crowd that came with it and the many blaring TV with football games on it, so I left and ordered wings from Sheetz from my phone in the parking lot which were ready in the time it took me to drive there and pick them up.

Ate wings with my cats on my comfy sofa in my own time which made me much happier. Got a good shake too for less money than it would have cost me at the sports bar and then i would have had to tip the waitress for giving me shitty service on top of it.

Yeah i know its Christmas Eve Day and a Sunday at that and maybe its not the best day/time to happen into a sports bar that's one of the places staying open for people to drink at on Xmas Eve but whatever. I had a shitty experience and I'm not sorry for leaving.

I'm doing laundry including all the various holiday themed outfits so i can put them away and the bedding and anything I've been meaning to wash and not getting to. I decluttered a lot of the living room and i have intentions of decluttering the bathroom and cleaning the kitchen before the holiday is over.

I have a frozen lasagne for dinner tonight and some texas toast. It's not a typical tradition but it's mine.

I've been sick for a couple of months. All normal stuff just one sickness after another. I havent been well for more than a few days before i get the next thing and i'm so ready to be well again but I didn't go out to the before-christmas parties and I guess im glad because it seems everyone got covid at a thing I skipped so I stopped feeling bad about not going out now I'm well enough to go out again.

In fact ive been collecting clothes and makeup and such. Online shopping while I've been sick for my return to going out again and i just havent gone out again. But its winter now and I ate too much between being sick and inactive and the holidays, i need to diet and exercise again for a bit i think before i get in some of these clothes.

I am expecting to go out for New Years Eve. I like to drink some champagne with strangers in a fancy dress for that holiday.

I have an idea where im going but i dont know what i will wear. But I have choices which is awesome.

I've been taking an estrogen/progesterone cream because I was having hot flashes due to menopause that was waking me up every hour and i was so tired from not being able to sleep properly.

This stuff had me sleeping great right away so I was totally into it but now I'm sleepy all the time even when I don't do anything and I'm cutting the dosage in half hoping that makes some difference.

Not sure what it'll do but im trying it now and not when i need to be at work all day in the morning in case I can't sleep. Last night i did the first half dose and I woke up hungry in the middle of the night but i didn't wake up with a hot flash so it was inconclusive.

I don't miss the hot flashes and I'm sure i'd rather be overtired from estrogen than sleep-deprived from lack of estrogen but hoping to find a happy medium where im not tired all the time.

I dont care a thing about Christmas but im happy to have these days off. We should get a bunch of days off every two or three months just because imho.

To catch up on what you need to catch up on and do Drs appointments and service your car and shit.

I pretty much gave up on 2023 a few weeks ago when I realized I basically wasnt going to be well enough to do any of the fun holiday stuff and I may as well just stay home and clean. I'm fine with all this. It needs to be done and the more I do the more I start to feel like I'm reclaiming my life as I am reclaiming my house.

So its time to fold and put away the laundry in the dryer and rotate in another load.

Happy Holidays.

[voiceless-terror]

Hi ily and I love bothering people with prompts, so I'm requesting "a character who’s so exhausted his hands are trembling, his eyes are dull/unfocused, he’s starting to hallucinate… and his team needs him to stay awake" with Jon and literally anyone at any time (except s5 because it's too emotionally taxing for me to keep up with oop-)

Hello there, Shannon! Here you go! This takes place in Season Two, when all is not great with the Archives team. Hope you like! <3

“And you’re sure this requires all four of us?”

“Yes, Jon,” Elias sighed, his annoyance clear even through the phone. “Believe it or not, I am trying to help you. You’ve managed to alienate almost all of your staff, so perhaps this will do you some good. You seem to enjoy ‘following-up’ these days, unlike in your first months in the position.”

That stung a bit.

It wasn’t his fault someone had died in the Archives, and that someone happened to be his predecessor. It was a natural reaction to feel some paranoia, though he will admit he might have gone a little...overboard, in some of his investigations. Tim certainly thought so. Sasha was her usual cool, aloof self avoiding him as much as possible. Martin was the only one that treated him the same, probably better than he deserved after accusing the man of being a possible murderer. He dragged him out to lunches and hovered in the evenings when Jon stayed late. He was the one who accompanied him to the clinic after his incident with Michael. Jon couldn’t help the ache that went through his chest when he saw Martin still in the lobby, waiting to take him home and fussing over his bandages. 

Walking him to his door.

And now Elias, of all people, was deciding to be more ‘hands-on’ after the intervention. The intervention where even Martin held him at arm's length, though he was still the friendliest face in the room. If this meant keeping his job, he would do it. 

Though he wasn’t so sure he even liked his job anymore. But Jon kept pushing forward. He needed answers. 

Telling his assistants was another story. 

He stood in front of them, knowing he looked a mess. He’d seen himself in the mirror this morning after another failed attempt at rest. His hair was a mess, the dark circles under his eyes were turning a lurid purple. He looked waxy and gaunt and nothing he could do now would fix it. So he kept drinking his tepid black coffee and cheap energy drinks; frankly, they were the only thing keeping him going.

Nevertheless, he didn’t exactly inspire confidence.

“Seriously, Jon?” Tim wasn’t fond of using ‘boss’ anymore, not unless he was feeling particularly vicious. “It would be fine with two of us. Me and Martin can go and take shifts. You look like the living dead.”

“Tim,” Martin admonished, shooting him a look. “He’s right, though. You don’t look well, and I don’t think an all-night stake out is what you need right now. I mean, why are we even following up on this? It’s just some ‘vampire’ sighting that’s not going to pan out. Don’t we have more important things to be focusing on?”

“Elias insisted,” Jon tried for apologetic but must have missed the mark, judging by Tim’s narrowing eyes. “I’m- I wouldn’t make you do this, but I’m afraid-”

“Why does Elias even care about this?” Tim interrupted, slamming his drawer shut dramatically. The sound made Jon flinch- that wasn’t hard to do these days. “Did you even try to get out of it?”

“Of course I did,” Jon bristled. “I know- I know the last thing anyone wants to do is spend time with me. This wasn’t my idea-”

“That’s a bit hard to believe, Jon,” Sasha’s voice was mocking, though it remained light and easy. Sasha was always ready with a barb or a joke, mostly at Jon’s expense. “I’d think you’d enjoy this sort of thing- stalking, investigating. Or is that just with your co-workers?”

Tim snickered. Even Martin had a bit of a smile on his face, though he tried to hide it. Jon felt his face flush red. 

“That’s not,” Jon began a defense but quickly backtracked, knowing it would be futile. “Elias wanted us to go tomorrow night. It’s about thirty minutes away, so if you don’t mind driving, Tim-”

“Anything for you, boss,” Tim muttered. “If you could try sleeping before then, that would be great. I filled my quota on catching you collapsing on the job.” The words were unnecessarily sharp and hurt Jon more than he cared to admit. He remembered a time when Tim was always around to lend him a hand, conscientious and kind. But he’d gone and ruined that now, hadn't he?

“I’ll be fine,” Jon straightened his back, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. Tim snorted and turned back to his desk, Sasha did the same. Martin just stood there, giving Jon an appraising eye. It made him feel like he failed an exam or came up short on an examination.

This should be fun.

_______

Sleep eluded him for all but an hour that night. The face that greeted him in the morning looked even more horrific than the day before; Tim wasn’t far off in his assessment. He said as much as Jon entered the office.

“Christ, this is going to be fun,” Tim rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair as Jon hunched in on himself, defensively clutching his extra-large coffee.

“I did sleep,” he bit out, avoiding the man’s eyes. It was true.

“Sure. Just try taking a fucking nap this afternoon, okay?” The words sounded almost concerned, but Jon knew better. “I’m not listening to you snore in the backseat all night.”

“I’ll try,” Jon grumbled as he exited the room. A sudden sting hit his hand and he hissed; coffee had spilled from the lid of his to-go cup and was now running a scalding stream down his arm. His hand was shaking, a steady and insistent tremor that refused to calm despite his best efforts. 

I’ll sleep this afternoon, he promised himself. Something’s gotta give eventually, right?

_______

Jon was wrong. Just my luck.

After two fruitless hours of tossing and turning, he finally gave up, leaving the office to grab a couple of energy drinks that he could hide in his bag. And now he was loaded in the backseat of Tim’s car, his heartbeat erratic and his chest tight. Martin had provided them all with coffee, though he handed Jon his with some reluctance.

“Are you sure you’re okay-”

“For the last time, yes, Martin!” The words came out harsher than he intended and Martin flinched back, avoiding Jon’s eyes as he got into the passenger seat beside Tim. “Don’t yell, Jon,” Tim commanded as he started the car. “God, you always were a right bastard when you’re sleep-deprived.”

“M’ sorry, Martin,” he mumbled to the ground. It was easier to focus on something stationary- whenever he looked out the window, his vision blurred and nausea churned in his stomach. And that’s why you don’t have energy drinks on an empty stomach. Stupid, stupid.

“It’s fine, Jon.” It didn’t feel fine.

By the time they arrived at the park where the supposed sightings took place, it was already dark. Tim had the radio playing softly in the background as he and Martin murmured in the front seats, a low sound Jon couldn’t hear. He wondered if they were talking about him.

Not everything’s about you. He shivered in his seat, drawing his coat tighter around his body. Sasha shot him a glance; she always had the hint of a smile on her lips, cold and calculating. As if Jon’s situation was amusing to her. Maybe it is.

He wished Martin was back here with him. Martin was warm, solid, and steady; Jon craved that, embarrassing as it was. But Martin likely didn’t want to be around him; unsurprising, with how Jon’s behaved.

The steady drone of sound was pleasant, a nice background hum that relaxed him incrementally. The occasional heart palpitations were starting to slow, and Jon felt himself relaxing for the first time in days. It was a sweet, blissful relief- surely a small nap wouldn’t be terrible, just enough to keep him going through the night-

A sharp jab in his side jolted him awake. He shot up with a yelp to find Sasha smirking, her face unreadable. “Don’t sleep on the job, boss.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he whispered, rubbing at his eyes and wishing for just a short reprieve. But the blurriness was worse now and his heart was back to its erratic rhythm- Sasha’s rude awakening had done its job.

“Maybe try looking out the window,” Tim suggested sarcastically. “We are here to do a job, you know. Not so you can zone out and sleep.”

“R-Right.” Jon didn’t mention that nobody else seemed to be doing the same. Still, he focused on the dim light emanating from the one streetlamp in the park. It was just an empty field at the edge of the woods. It would be hard to miss anything.

This went on for an hour, Sasha continually nudging him awake whenever he started to drift off. She was probably doing him a favor- who knows what horrors lurked in his nightmares, and the last thing he needed was to wake up screaming like a lunatic. He imagined word getting round to Elias that he was falling apart, even more unstable than previously thought. 

And then something moved out of the corner of his eye- a small, dark shadow was standing in the middle of the park, barely visible by the light of the streetlamp. Jon let out a choked gasp as he leaned forward, hitting the back of Tim’s seat.

“L-Look!” he whispered urgently, pointing ahead. “Someone- someone’s there?”

“Where, Jon?” Sasha’s voice beside him was amused, playful. “I don’t see a thing.”

“Right there!” He insisted, and as if on cue the figure began moving forward, edging closer to the light. “It’s moving!” 

“Jon,” Tim started, looking back at him with an inquisitive gaze. His voice was slow and measured. “What are you talking about? There’s nothing there.”

“There is!” He was aware he was begging now, a pathetic plea to just look, it’s right there, can’t you see?

Martin reached a hand to his shoulder, all concern and worry. “Jon, I promise you there’s-”

And that’s when the figure revealed itself, standing clear under the light. It was a woman, tall and sad. Her long hair was pulled back from her face with a headband, and she had round glasses and looked so, so familiar-

Sasha, his mind supplied. That’s not right. Sasha’s right beside him.

Sasha. It was insistent this time. Jon put a shaking hand to the door handle and wrenched it open, practically falling out of the car as the others protested behind him. But he paid them no mind and stumbled forward on weak legs. There were footsteps behind him but it didn’t matter because Sasha’s there Sasha’s there-

And then she was gone.

The park was silent and still, almost serene. And Jon stood under the lamp, his chest heaving and his heart racing until he collapsed in the soft, dewy grass. Sasha was in the car. Sasha wasn’t here. But it doesn’t make sense. He gagged, hands and knees digging into the earth as nothing came up but a small amount of bile and coffee. A hand went to his shoulder but he wrenched it off, a frustrated moan bubbling out of his throat as his eyes filled with tears.

“Sasha was here,” he wailed, no longer caring if he made a scene. “Sasha was here!”

“Jon? Oh fuck, oh God what do we do, something’s wrong-”

“Just pick him up, Martin, get him back in the car!”

Jon was hauled to his feet but his legs were shaky and useless; Martin cursed and scooped him up instead, unbearably gentle. He tugged at Martin’s shirt, desperate for someone to listen. “Sasha,” he hiccupped but Martin just hushed him, squeezing him tighter to his chest. 

“Sasha’s in the car, Jon,” He whispered soothingly as Tim opened the car door. “See? Right there!” Sasha, with her wrong smile and her wrong face and her cold, cold hands-

Jon let out a shriek, thrashing and kicking as Martin tried to place him in the backseat by that thing. “No no no,” he cried and tugged at Martin’s jumper. “I don’t want to I don’t want to-”

“Get in the front, Sash,” Tim commanded, something unreadable in his eyes. “He’s not going to stop freaking out until you do. Martin can sit in the back.”

“So fussy,” she said mildly as she opened the door and did as Tim said. “Is he going to be okay?”

Jon could barely follow the conversation as Martin awkwardly crawled into the backseat and tried to maneuver him into his seatbelt. But Jon couldn’t let go because Martin was real and there and the only thing holding him together at the moment. 

“Just drive,” Martin’s voice was hard and unlike him, but he squeezed Jon tighter to his chest and that was all he needed to finally give into the darkness at the edge of his vision.

_____

When he next woke he was tucked into a bed- his own, strangely. Light filtered gently into the room and Jon felt like he’d been run over by a truck several times over; every part of him aching and groaning as he attempted to sit up. 

“Jon?”

Martin stood in the doorway, the picture of anxiety and worry. “God, I thought you’d never wake!” He hurried over to the side of the bed and placed a hand to his forehead that Jon leaned into. “You don’t feel warm. You’ve been asleep for almost sixteen hours. Are you okay?”

“Define ‘okay,’” Jon croaked, leaning back into the pillows. Sixteen hours but he still felt like hammered shit. “What- what happened? Why am I here?”

“You don’t remember?” Martin’s voice somehow managed to sound more worried. “God, you were- you were really out of it, Jon. Ranting about Sasha- you wouldn’t get near her. I thought we should take you to the hospital but Tim insisted you wouldn’t like that.” Tim was always the one who knew him best. “He had a key so we dropped you off, but I thought someone should stay behind- I mean, is that okay? I don’t want to overstep or anything, but you were really bad and I couldn’t-”

“It’s fine, Martin,” Jon cut him off gently. It was touching, in a way, that Martin would want to look out for him after the fit he apparently threw. “I, uh- thank you, I guess.”

“Really, it’s no problem,” Martin said, leaning back on his heels and fiddling with his hands. “I-I didn’t want to leave you alone, and I didn’t think you’d want to wake up to Tim or Sasha-”

“God,” Jon groaned and slumped over in bed, shame coursing through his veins. ‘“I’ll have to apologize to her tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Martin agreed, though not unkindly. “But I think she’ll understand. You were exhausted, it’s not like you meant it.” I suppose that’s true, he thought. Just my paranoia out of control.

“I’ll make us some tea. You stay in bed, okay?” 

“A-Alright.” Martin turned to leave the room but a thought logged itself in Jon’s brain and he reached a hand out to stop him. “Did you stop anywhere beforehand?” he asked. “Like the institute, o-or maybe Tim’s place?”

“No,” Martin replied, a puzzled look on his face. “Why?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jon closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillows, feeling utterly drained. “It’s nothing.”

Martin exited the room and Jon tried not to think about the key he gave Tim ages ago, back when they visited each other with some regularity. 

And the idea that it was still on his keychain, waiting to be used.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457939

[d-p-f-m]

Take it easy |🥁|💕|📌|✔|

Seokjin x Reader |🥁|💕|📌|✔|

I love love love writing Seokjin prompts, so thanks again @btsfangirl1999 for requesting it!

Sorry for taking so long but I promise I'm working on everything as soon as I have time and inspiration!

Also thanks to my lovely beta for reading through this mess I call my writing. I'd be lost without you, girl❤🔥

Hope you enjoy!💞

Prompts:

A.) 94. Why the hell are you on the floor? + 95. I'm so tired, it hurts when I close my eyes

Word count: 5783

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

The distant ringing in the back of your mind has you writhing underneath the comforting cover of your blanket. In a silent act of protest you instictively wrap the soft fabric tighter around your body, burying your face in your pillow in hopes of drowning out the annoying noise. Obviously though, the torture doesn't magically stop on its own.

About three more minutes in and you finally admit defeat. Groaning in dispair you rip the sheets off of you in one swift movement and slowly roll on your back to extend one arm in the general direction of where your phone is supposed to be.

Without actually being able to see what you're doing, it takes you a few seconds to locate it and press the power botton on its top to cut the alarm off for good. Sighing in content at the peaceful moment of silence you allow yourself to simply lie there a bit longer before you eventually sit up straight, so you won't be tempted to just fall asleep again.

Forcing yourself to pry your eyes open you blink against the blinding screen of your phone to check the time. There is still about twenty minutes left before you have to leave for university, thank God. With all the willpower you're able to muster you heave yourself out of bed and waddle through the corridor leading to your bathroom to proceed with your usual morning routine.

Examining your puffy face in the mirror while brushing your teeth you make an unsatisfied noise in the back of your throat and grimace at your reflection. You don't have time or motivation to conceal your sleep deprived expression with make-up and usually you don't care much about things like that anyways, but seeing the dark circles under your eyes you really wish you could just crawl back into bed and hide from your responsibilities until you're finally well rested for once.

Hearing your phone buzz on the side of the sink you look at the message that popped up on screen and sigh. With finals week coming up there is usually no space for personal life already and you knew it was a stupid idea the moment you agreed to help one of your friends to plan the project for one of their classes but you just didn't have it in you to tell them no. They'd do the same for you when you need them someday. ... right?

While rinsing your mouth you brush your hair absendmindetly and stare blankly at your reflection, thinking about your plans for the day. You'll need to meet up with your friend after classes and then you have to work the evening shift at the café before rereading your notes for the first exam coming up next Monday. You can do this. No problem. You've gone through worse things in your life.

Still, as you set aside your hairbrush and reluctantly make your way downstairs to the kitchen, you can feel how every muscle in your body protests with just the tiniest movement. Walking down the circular shaped staircase has somehow made you a bit dizzy and you have to take a moment to lean against the nearest wall for support when you feel a light headache spread from your neck upwards all the way to your forhead. Probably because you've pulled an all-nighter last night again.

Seokjin would definitely scold you if he found out, he always tells you to slow down when you get like this. Of course you never listen. Good thing you didn't actually see each other the last few days even though you live together, because you're both too busy with your own lives. The only time you would have the chance to talk to each other is either in the morning before heading out, or on rare occasions at lunch break when you don't meet up with anyone else.

It seems like you've missed your chance for today though because it's so silent around the house that you assume the acting major is already out and about again and even though you don't want to admit it, you're starting to really miss having him around all the time.

It's not common for two university students of the opposite gender to be roommates and you often have to endure judging stares or rude comments about your undefined relationship with your handsome friend.

You don't mind, though. If they're nice enough to ask you about what's going on between Seokjin and you, you'd gladly explain that you're just very close friends, for the time being at least, and if they prefer side-eyeing you from afar then you'd simply ignore them. It's not their business anyways.

Yawning, you turn on the coffee machine and then make your way to the fridge to search for something to eat that will hopefully get you through most of the day. To your surprise there's a box with food placed right in the middle for you to see, with a bright blue sticky-note attached to its lid and you instantly pray that it's what you think it is.

You take the box to read the note to make sure the contents are really meant for you and not reserved for your roommate since he's the only one who could have put it there and you don't want to risk getting into a fight over food with Seokjin of all people. You only tried to get away with stealing his food once and decided right after that it wasn't worth the eventual consequences ever again. You actually value your life, thank you very much.

One look at the note is enough to tell you that the food is in fact meant for you though. It's even your absolute favorite and at the thought of your roommates' skilled cooking, your mouth automatically starts watering. Maybe your day won't turn out to be as draining and horrible as you originally thought it would. Seokjin made apparently more on purpose so, and quote: 'your lazy ass doesn't starve before you pay me back for the last seven months of living at my apartment for free'. His choice of words makes you let out a huff in amusement.

When he had taken you in after you got kicked out of your old dorm in favor of someone else without any warning beforehand you both had come to a silent agreement that you wouldn't speak of how much you owed him, since you can't effort even half the rent to his apartment. It's clear to you that you'll pay him back as soon as you have the chance and Seokjin knows this too, even though he probably doesn't actually expect you to.

Silenty thanking him for his life saving food you pack it into your bag and then grab your phone to thank him via text as well so you won't forget. After hesitating for a short moment you also decide to ask him when he's going to be home today. If there's even the slightest chance you're going to be able to see him for dinner or at least a few hours of lazing on your couch just talking while watching some random movie, you're sure that it'll give you enough motivation to get through the day.

Seokjin immediately opens your message and you can't help but smile when you see that he's already typing a reply. He's always been like this. Always quick to answer your texts or calls, always down to go with every single one of your random ideas that tend to pop up in your head at the craziest of times, just... always there for you when you need him.

Being close friends for so long you know that's just who he is, of course. You know he's a good person and a really loyal friend but still, that little voice in your head keeps whispering that maybe, just maybe, he's so considerate because it's you. That it's not just your wishful thinking and he actually cares about you as much as you care about him. That he'd somehow realize how whipped you are for him and return your feelings instead of trying to let you down gently like he does with all the girls that confessed their crush on him in the last three or four years.

Shaking your head to get rid of your cheesy thoughts you stumble back to the coffee machine to get your mug while still squinting at your phone screen where Seokjin's message just popped up. As expected he's pretty busy today as well and he doesn't know how late it's going to get until he gets home. He tells you not to wait up for him with dinner if it starts getting too late but that he'll try his best to make it on time.

Sighing you brush your hand through your hair before finishing your coffee and putting your mug down on the kitchen counter to clean it later. It wasn't a 'no'. So it could happen, ... right? You decide it's not going to be of any good to think about it too much and instead make your way back upstairs to change into some proper clothes. It's almost time for you to leave for university anyway. You try to think positive and tie your hair into a ponytail before putting on your shoes.

You'll just have to survive the next 11 hours, then you'll finally be able to rest. And maybe you'll even see Seokjin again and have dinner with him tonight. So with this promising thought in mind you eventually step out the door of your apartment to get on with your day.

~

Stepping inside your own four walls you almost start crying in relief when you're finally able to get out of your shoes. You're burned out. The only thing on your mind right now is to sleep for at least 12 hours straight before even thinking of anything else. Unfortunatly though, you still got a few things on your to-do list for today, so you'll have to settle for a quick power nap.

Shrugging out of your jacket you just drop it on your way to the couch, not caring about anything else other than your well deserved rest. You grab the remote and turn on the TV with low volume to let the background noises lull you to sleep and then drop yourself backwards on the couch. Or that's what you thought.

Having misjudged the distance between you and the soft cushions you only scratch their surface before your fall continues and you land on the hard floor with a loud thud. The impact has you holding your breath in shock and while your mind is trying to catch up with your body you instinctively reach up to hold your head in your hands a few moments before the pain even kicks in.

You let out a pathetic groan and slowly roll over to lie on your back, swinging one arm over your face without moving a second time, too tired to try and get up again. It's what you deserve for not being more aware of your stupid surroundings anyway. And the ground's not even that bad, you tell yourself. There can't go anything else wrong if you don't move, right?

Allowing your heavy eyelids to finally rest for a while you stretch your legs out completely in an attempt to get more comfortable and huff, a little disappointed, because it's not working. The noise of the show that plays on TV is actually stressing you out more than helping you relax so you just press the power button on the remote that's still in your hand since you fell down to turn it back off before you finally admit defeat and just wait for sleep to take over.

That's how Seokjin finds you.

You don't know how much time has passed since you first slipped and fell to the ground just to stay there without moving a muscle when suddenly the front door to your apartment opens, accompanied by the very familiar jingle of keys and a heavy sigh sounding almost as tired as you're feeling.

The urge to stand up and greet your roommate comes up for a moment but the second you try to even so much as shift a bit your headache gets worse and a scorching pain shoots through your neck causing you to let out an almost inaudible groan in defeat.

You pray to every entity your brain comes up with that Seokjin won't find you like this, that he'll just grab a snack from the kitchen and then go upstairs to his room to study or whatever. But of course, like most of the time when it comes to Seokjin, it doesn't go the way you want it to. 'Hey y/n, you there? I'm home!' You can't help but cringe at the loud noise coming all the way from the other side of the room.

It's not because of his voice, you love his voice and on any other day hearing him say your name with so much hope and anticipation coloring his words would have caused your heart to go into a frenzy. Right now, however, you just want him to go away and leave you there to suffer alone until you're feeling better.

As much as you want to call out and tell him where you are, you can't bring yourself to actually answer him. The incredible pain in your neck and the merciless pounding of your head aside, the potential humiliation of him seeing you like this, completely vulnerable and pathetic has you biting your lip as if that would help you to make as little sound as possible.

There's a moment of heavy silence in the room before you can hear him let out a disappointed sigh, probably because he's assuming you aren't there and you immediately feel bad. It's the only choice you have to protect your dignity though, so there's no way around it. You decide you'll make it up to him with breakfast tomorrow instead.

His footsteps seem to lead him in the direction of the kitchen, away from you and you're starting to relax a bit but then he suddenly stops, presumably in the middle of the room. It's silent again and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. Your brain is trying to come up with an explanation for what could have made him pause like that and when you hear the shuffling of clothes it suddenly clicks. Your damn jacket.

You dropped it on the ground on your way to the couch. Cursing yourself you press your arm tighter over your closed eyes and bite the inside of your cheek while anxiously waiting for Seokjin to move again. After a few seconds the rustling of clothes picks up again and your instincts scream at you to curl into a ball so he won't be able to find you.

You can pinpoint the exact moment he sees you by his surprised gasp of horror coming from almost right beside you and you can't help but to click your tongue in defeat. 'Y/N?! Oh my fu- ... y/n, are you alright?!' He's by your side in an instant, kneeling at your feet and touching one of your legs oh so delicately to check for any signs that you're alive and well.

Even in your hazy state you're still able to appriciate how careful he's being with touching you. 'Shh... shut up, Seokjin.' Hearing your raspy voice he pauses his attempts to softly shake you awake and even though you don't open your eyes to look at him you know he's probably staring at your covered face like a confused puppy.

'You're alive?! Why the fuck- Do you think it's funny scaring me to death?!' Groaning at the volume of his voice you move one of your legs to kick against his knee softly. 'Unfortunatly, yes. But could you please be quiet, my head hurts like crazy.' Amused by his overly dramatic reaction your voice automaticly takes on a softer tone to show him you're fine and it's then that he finally relaxes a bit.

You can feel his hold on your thigh become weaker and you immediately miss the warmth of his touch when he shifts to get a better look at you. 'Well... I mean I've been told my looks are able to bring girls to their knees and while I'm aware of how easy it is to fall for my handsome face, I'm pretty sure I'm not the reason why you're wiping the floor with your shirt. So why the hell are you on the floor?'

It's kinda funny how he's trying to lighten the mood without even knowing what's going on, you think. His voice is barely above a whisper though and you let out a soft hum to let him know you're going to answer in your own time. He still hasn't moved and you're wondering if he just doesn't know what to do in this situation.

Sighing, you move your arm from your face and reach out to search for him. Once you can feel the rough fabric of his jeans under your fingertips, you pat his thigh reassuringly while thinking of what to say next. 'Mhm... it's nothing, really. I just thought it'd be nice to get to know my surroundings better. You know? Bond with the floor, so it doesn't get lonely. Turns out it's really nice to talk to. Found my standards here so I didn't feel like getting up again.'

The amused snort he gives you as an answer is enough to get a content smile out of you as well. You give his thigh another friendly pat and subconsiously lick your dry lips. Something to drink would be nice. You make a mental note to go to the kitchen the moment your body is ready to function again. 'Give me a few minutes, yeah? You can go upstairs and I'll be there in a bit. Honestly, I'm so tired, it hurts when I close my eyes.'

There's silence for a while, like your roommate is contemplating what to answer and if it wouldn't be for your hand still touching his leg, you couldn't even be sure if he's with you anymore.

Suddenly, you feel him shift away from you and your heart squeezes in your chest at the thought of him actually leaving you here to go upstairs. There's still no way you'll open your eyes to confirm your suspicions though. The throbbing right behind your temples got worse while you were talking and you won't take the risk of provoking a full-on migrane just because your stupid feelings tell you it's absolutely necessary to look at your etheral being of a roommate right now.

You don't know what you were expecting at this point but the sudden noise right beside your ear was definitely not it. Feeling your head being lifted carefully you make a confused sound in the back of your throat but before you can actually react, it's already over and you're lying on something far more comfortable than the cold linoleum of the floor.

'You're an idiot. You know that, right?' Seokjin's voice is just a hushed whisper against your ear and you can feel him wrap his arm around your waist when you try to get up on instinct. 'Wha-' You don't really know how to react to his sudden proximity but as you open your mouth to respond he just pulls you closer until your cheek is pressed against his shoulder and hums quietly to effectively shut you up.

'You could have just said you weren't feeling well. There's nothing wrong with taking a break when you feel like you can't keep up anymore, you know?' His words make you let out a resigned huff. He always says that. And he's right, of course. Theoretically. But thinking back to the pile of notes on your desk you've still got to rehearse to be able to pass the exams next week, you can't help but disagree with him.

Seokjin seems to know what you're thinking because he sighs in an almost frustrated way, like a parent trying to reason with his stubborn toddler and leans his forehead softly against the top of your head, burying his face in your hair while stroking your back with his free hand as if trying to soothe you. He has you pretty much caged in his arms and even if you wanted to, there'd be no way to get up now. You're not complaining though. It does soothe you.

It feels nice to have him hold you like this. Like he actually wants to be here, with you. Like he wants to protect you from anything that's trying to harm you in any way. Like... you mean more to him than he says out loud. From time to time, the fingers caressing your back find their way up to absentmindedly play with strands of your hair and you can't stop your heart from jumping a bit when you feel him subtly shift closer.

You're so close you can hear Seokjin's heartbeat and while the steady rhythm calms you, it's still kinda strange. It's not like you never cuddled before. The actor's a pretty affectionate person and so it's actually common for you to be constantly hugged or held in his arms or pulled into his lap when you two hang around each other. Still, there's something about the way he's holding you right now. It's so loving and gentle, as if he's scared he'd hurt you if he isn't careful enough. You've never felt so at ease before.

Seokjin suddenly stops playing with your hair and after another moment of silence lets out a small huff. 'Don't think I didn't notice that you weren't feeling well for a while now. Still... I didn't exactly stop you from letting it get worse, so I guess I'm a bit at fault as well. I should have known you'd strain yourself... you really are an idiot.'

The tone of his voice is a mix between cockiness and genuine worry, so instead of complaining about him calling you an idiot you just grumble into his chest and murmur something that's supposed to sound like an apology. A small laugh escapes his lips at your childish behavior. 'What was that, princess? I couldn't hear you.' He gives your shoulder a soft push to get you to lean back and look at him and not able to resist any longer you comply.

You carefully blink open your tired eyes and when they finally adjust to your surroundings you see Seokjin smiling down at you so fondly your breath hitches. The words you wanted to say won't come out and you clear your sore throat when you see him raise an eyebrow in question. He casually licks his slightly opened lips and you can feel the blush creeping up your face when you realize your eyes followed the movement without your consent.

You're pretty sure he saw you staring for a second and not being able to look into his eyes after that, you press yourself up against him and wrap one of your arms around his waist as well to cuddle into him more. 'I missed you,' you whisper instead. The words come out of your mouth before you can stop them and they're so muffled through the fabric of his shirt that you hope he couldn't understand you.

It's kind of embarrassing how needy your voice sounded just now and when he tenses against you, you immediately regret saying it, scared he'll take it as a joke and laugh at you for being dramatic or worse, understand what the real meaning behind it is and reject you for good. But instead of teasing you like you expected he just hugs you closer to him and lets out a sigh. 'I missed you too, y/n.'

Maybe it's because you're feeling so tired and vulnerable or maybe it's the tender way he just answered you in but hearing him say it back has a wave of pend up emotions suddenly crashing down on you all at once. Your eyes well up with tears and before you know it you're sobbing into his chest, gripping onto his shirt like a lifeline. 'N-no, you don't get it. I missed you, I always miss you and it's so stupid because I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I'm stupid, so stupid.'

You don't care if you're crossing the invisible line you had drawn from the moment you started living with him right now. You're tired and cold and you can't think straight with that fucking headache drumming against your skull. All you can think of is how warm Seokjin is and how good it feels when he tightens his arms around you in an attempt to calm you down.

Not really knowing what else to do Seokjin slowly sits up and pulls you into his lap. You bury your face in his neck and clasp at his shoulders while he hums a low tune and rocks you from side to side, one of his arms securely wrapped around your waist to hold you in place. 'Shh... it's fine, you're fine.' For the past eight years you've know him, Seokjin always tried to avoid emotional confrontations by cracking a joke or playing dumb but right now he seems completely serious and you're thankful that he's not withdrawing himself from you even though seeing you like this probably makes him uncomfortable.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you know how dramatic you're being and usually you'd be embarrassed to let him see you like this, but the way he's cradling you in his embrace like you're something precious to him has you melting against his chest without a second thought. You're allowed to be weak sometimes too. Seokjin is always here to remind you of that and it makes you love him even more. So maybe, just maybe, you can allow yourself to show him what's really on your mind from time to time.

Your roommate hushes you for a while until you're not crying anymore and as soon as he's sure you've calmed down he turns you in his arms so he's able to stand up. 'Come on, let's get you in bed. The floor's going to make me get sick and if my handsome face gets all puffy because of you, you're going to pay.' The comment makes you snort in amusement and glancing at him from out of the corner of your eyes you see him smiling at your reaction. Would it be too much to tell him that his puffy face looks extremely cute? Probably. Better not take a chance after what happened just now.

He carries you up the stairs as if your body weighs nothing. The actor isn't even the slightest bit out of breath when you arrive in front of your room and you're reminded of how build he actually his, despite him joking about becoming fat all the time. You silently study his face while he lets you down on your bed carefully. His eyebrows are furrowed in thought and he's looking down at the mattress instead of at you.

You can't really tell if it's out of respect for you or because he can't bring himself to look at your miserable state, and you actually don't want to know if you're being honest. Sighing in bliss at the feeling of your soft covers being pulled over you, you snuggle deeper into the fabric and look up at your friend through heavy eyelids to see him give you a warm smile. 'I'll be right back, don't fall asleep on me already, hm?'

You let out a quiet hum in agreement and watch him leave your room to go somewhere downstairs. His absence gives you time to think about what happened in the last few minutes and your heart squeezes painfully when you remember what exactly you told him while you had your little outburst. Is that why he was so stiff and quiet just now?

Does he understand your feelings towards him and needs time to think about a way to reject you without making things awkward? Fuck. You really don't know if you're ready to hear him say it. Suddenly you can hear his footsteps coming back up the stairs and on instinct you close your eyes to pretend you're asleep. He can reject you all he wants tomorrow when you're emotionally stable enough. Right now you just want to fall asleep and pretend today never happened.

Your roommate comes to a stop beside your head and just stands there for a moment, probably looking at you. After a few seconds the mattress sinks down at the level of your waist and your breath hitches when you realize he's now sitting on your bed, softly brushing your hair from your forhead. 'I know you're awake. Nobody blushes in their sleep, not even because of me. Now open your eyes and let me feed you, so I know you're not going to die in your sleep.'

Clicking your tongue in annoyence you comply to his order and blink your eyes open. He's holding a glass of water out to you and you let out a short hum to thank him, eagerly accepting it while you sit up and lean against the headboard of your bed. You empty it in one go and hand the glass back to Seokjin for him to place it on your nightstand. He offers you a slice of an apple but when you try to take it from him, he lightly presses it to your lips instead, the look in his eyes daring you to refuse him to feed you.

Your face starts burning again but you know he won't take no for an answer so you just open your lips and let him slip the slice into your mouth without complaint. Seokjin makes a content noise in the back of his throat at your obedience and pats your knee over the covers with his unoccupied hand to reward you.

'You want some more?' Shaking your head at his question you lie back down and pull your blanket up to your chin before he can press another slice to your lips. 'Wanna sleep, 'm sorry,' you manage to croak out and thankfully he relents right away. 'The plate's right here if you change your mind. I'll be in my room if you need anything, yeah?'

He makes an effort to stand up and leave but you immediately shake your head and grasp the sleeve of his shirt to stop him before he can get away. 'Stay, please? I could use your cuddles right now.' Your roommate blinks at you a few times as if unsure of how to react but when you silently lift your blanket in invitation, he finally gives in and gets under the covers next to you with a small sigh.

Pressing your body against his you shift two or three times and then yawn happily once you're comfortable. Neither of you talks for a long time, Seokjin just lets you lie with your head hiding in the crook of his neck and affectionately brushes through your hair to help you fall asleep.

You're just about to let his breathing lull you to sleep when he suddenly smiles against you as if he remembered something and whispers in an amused but husky voice. 'Your actual confession is going to be a bit more romantic, right? I'm thinking something like a restaurant or a movie night with take out and lots of cuddles to set the mood.'

Tensing up a bit at the sudden question you slowly pull away to look at him with your eyes already bleary from how tired you are. 'Who said I liked you?' Seokjin grins cockily at your terrible attempt to play dumb and the mischievous glint in his eyes tells you that whatever happens next, everything is going to be just fine.

'Oh please, it's so obvious you're whipped for me. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's me we're talking about.' You roll your eyes at him and grin back but you can't come up with a sly response right away since what he says is one hundred percent the truth, so you settle for not answering at all until you know what he's getting at for sure.

Seokjin looks into your eyes for a moment longer, the content smile still prominent on his face. Then he's shifting forward until his nose brushes against yours and a shiver runs down your spine when you feel his breath on your lips. 'So how about that dinner? I think I deserve something fancy for our first date. It's what first comes to mind every time I think about how to ask you out, you know?'

By now your heart is already threatening to jump out of your chest from how wildly it thumps against your ribs. He already thought about asking you out? More than once? So he actually likes you too and it's not just your hopeful mind playing tricks on you?

When you think you're finally able to form a coherent sentence and tell him you'd gladly go out with him, Seokjin suddenly closes the remaining distance between you both to press a loving kiss to your slightly opened lips. Gasping in surprise against his pillow like lips you don't even get the chance to return the kiss before he's already leaning away from you again.

He's smirking at your dreamy expression and wraps his free arm around your waist to pull you as close to his side as physically possible before speaking up again. 'Movie night would be fine by me too, though. Tell me tomorrow, yeah? You gaping at me like a deer caught in the headlights made me kinda sleepy and you need your beauty sleep. Let's get comfy, hm?' Wow, the nerve of this guy. As if you'd be able to get any sleep now.

'You're an idiot,' you say amused and cuddle into him further to get comfortable again. He pulls a funny face in response and sticks his tongue out to you before he chuckles. 'That's my line, idiot.'

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Holiii! They didnt want to watch Dunkirk? Too bad.   A sting one? I didnt hear about that. But its possible. 3000 euros? Byeee😂😂😂😂. I'm a broken student. Have some mercy on me pls. I agree 100% with what you said about parenting and conditioning kids. It's kind of sad, but also real. (1)

Hiiii!!!! Sorry I’m so late, but what a weekend! Did you know that today was Mother’s Day?L well, a lot of people seemed to have forgotten it 🙄🙄. I had so many things to do, lol. But, well, I, gonna try answer everything, bc tomorrow I won’t be able either, and I don’t want to have you waiting.Okay, in their defense I’ll say they have already seen it,jajjajaa. But, well, why don’t watch it again!?!?! I think it was a Sting one. If not him, someone like him, oops 🙊.I thing it’s cheaper now. That was like 8 years ago. Now, I guess there are more clinics that do it. Back then, there was only one. But look at the good side, if you sight isn’t stable yet, you can’t have it done. And we you finally can, you’ll have a job (hopefully) to pay for it, and it will be cheaper, jejeje.

Bringing balloons sounds like a great idea!! They had them at the last show i went and it was really cool (even though i never got to touch one of them. Jajajaj). If you do decide to bring them, i’m sure you all will have a wonderful time! Ooh, okay. Thanks for the info. I’ll take a pic when she finally puts the poster and i will send it to you🤗 (2)

Lol, imagine if I bring them, and I start glowing them, and I get dizzy, and miss part of the concert because I get sick, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. That’d be awful!! jjajaja. But I’m slowly convincing myself to bring them, and then I’ll see if I can blow them and all that. (Ijejdiebdc I really rally want!!! But I don’t want people looking at me like I’m a crazy old lady 😅 (even if no one sees me)).I’d love to see that door, but only show me if you’re totally comfortable with it,love.

JAJAJAJA. Andy y Lucas? Really? (They came to my city’s festivity last year😂) Almost the same thing as Niall. Yep. I wasnt allowed to go to a show without my parents until i was 18 years old, and look at them now! And this is no even their first concert. Last year we went to see Ed Sheeran in Barcelona (another Bday present for my little sister). I dont know how they can be so convincing (lying. I do know. My sister is the little one and that counts…). But i’m happy for them. I really am. (4)

Hey, Andy y Lucas were a totally hit with they’re first album ,jajaja, have some respect 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Me and my friends spent a summer walking around with our DiskMan (you know what it is, don’t ya) on hand, listening and singing their songs, lol. I got to see them twice now that I remember, lol. They came to where my sister was living, and we went to see them. Again me dragging my sister to see artist she doesn’t like,jajajja. Tbh, I haven’t being to a lot of concerts in my life :( I’ve to see: Andy y Lucasx2, Bisbal, Bustamante and Rosa (year 2002), David Civera!! 🤣 (2001), Pereza, and I think that’s that. Then I went to 1D in 2014, and Harry and Niall this year. What a lame teenage. I’d love to see Ed, how good it was?? Also, you’re little sister is a proper little sibling, eh!! Jajajaja.

Yes yes. Now they have to come back to make it up to me. (DO IIIIT PLS, IM DYING). Oooh. I saw the video of honey you uploaded 😍 Weird, but cute. Jajajajaja Yep. I’m pretty sure she follows you, because i’m always showing her blogs that i like; “this one is hilarous” or “look at the art”, and when i first found yours i was like “WHAAAAAAAT. A SPANISH LARRIE. CANT BE”. So i showed it to her. But i’m not worried bcs she is been so busy she doesnt even check tumblr anymore. Sadly. (5)

Weird is a thing to called it. Some people think is disgusting,jajajajja. I don’t careeeee, I love my weirdoooo!!! Jajajaja I go around showing his videos to whoever wants to listen,jajajjajaaj. Ohhh, I’m a Spanish larrie 😢. There are so few of us…there are probably a lot more of us, but since we all speak in English, you can’t never know. I’ve found other Spanish larries, but don’t think I follow anyone, lol. Have I told you about the most absurd thing that has ever happened to me???????? It was at Harry’s concert. The girl who I sold a ticket to, avert been talking for a bit, turns to me an ask me with the most serious face you can think “are you a larrie?” But in Spanish sounds different, as it’s something I don’t talk out loud ever,jajaja “(eres larrie?)”. And I turned to her like a little rabbit flashed in the middle of a road 😳. And I asked her “are you?” Jajajaja. And we both were, obviously. (I laughed at the absurdity of the conversation,jajajaja). And we talked a bit about Larry things, but with hushed voices, just to not alert any anti/her, whatever you want to call it,jajajaja. Well, if she doesn’t check, you don’t have to be worried. But are you keeping her informed on everything that happens? (Harry’s suits, everything Niall, Limo’s new song, LOUIS!!)

JAJAJAJA. Fun fact, my name is indeed a flowery one. Idk how, but you got that right. We can keep that name if you want. I like it. It’s cute 😊 Ooh. Yes. You started babtsitting this week right? I forgot to ask how it went. Sorry :( Omg. Your cousins sounds amazing. Really smart. He could read at the age of 2? That’s… a lot. And photographic memory? That’s a blessing amd a curse. Is that because of the autism? (I’m sorry i dont know a lot about autism) (6)

SERIOUSLY???? I don’t know why (well, I know why. I’m half witch-half human, but can talk about that later,jajaja), but you reminds me of flowers (my brain is very weird, and doesn’t make sense a lot of the time). Okay, I’ll tag things I want you to see with flower anon. Probably I’ll include a 🌺 in the tags, but that’s just because I live for emojis,jajajajja.Hey, don’t worry for not asking, I forget a lot of things, and then I remember at the most random times 🙄🙄. Well, he’s like very special. When they thought he was autist(?), doctors considerate him a super intelligent one. But in one of his revisions, they told my cousin’s parents that he wasn’t autist, but he was a very slow normal kid. So 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway, I don’t think photography memory is because of that. His mom has it too and my cousin (my little cousin’s dad) is always telling who usefully it was for her when she was at uni,jajajaja. He’s only a bit jealous. But I don’t know about my cousin. Of course I see his different to the rest of kids his age, but at the same time he knows thinks kids at his age don’t even dream about knowing. And is not exactly that he knew how to read, but with his memory he could recognize a word after having watched Optica written once, and repeat it out loud. Like, his mom could write once Papá, and he could remember the world anytime you’d write it. And they taught him a lot of words. And we buy him a lot of toys related with words and all that, so he learn what sound goes with what letter. So he just started reading one day. It’s amazing.

🤦🤦Depriving someone of strawberry cake only because it is pink should be considered a crime. Yeah, i think my friend wrote it. And i told her in my answers that i thought the survey was not well done, but she hasnt reach me, and i dont think she will. I’m not sure she will even use my answers bcs i went a bit overboard with them. I guess she was looking for “yes/no because of that” answers but instead i wrote her a dissertation about sexuality, genders and social construction. Ups. (7)

Pink candies even!!! Isn’t that a big case of bad parenting?!?! 🙄🙄🙄🙄 I’ll show you what I did yesterday (I hope I don’t forget,lol), and you’ll understand why I’m the rainbow queen,jajajaja.Well, if you’re close enough to each other, I think you could talk to her in person? Explain her why it was wrong? She can ignore you if you’re face to face. Maybe she’ll learn something?  Maybe she didn’t saw anything wrong with the way it was written, but if you explains it to her, she’ll understand. 🤷🏻‍♀️Also, well done 👏🏻👏🏻 on being faithful to you and your thoughts! I’m proud of you!!

Same happens to me. I spend far too much alone, and when i can, i talk as much as possible. I totally understand. Niall had kittens? She was the one that eat them? Or it was another of the cats? Oh oh!! I just remembered you said in the tags the other day that we should talk about fics and recs, but i forgot to answer then. Did you wanna talk about something in particular?? (8)

Yeah, Niall has kittens. And this time she didn’t get to eat them. She hid them anger something and two of them died. And the other one died yesterday, I think, because she didn’t feed it. I don’t know what is wrong with that cat. We even thought that something was wrong with the kittens (because their parents were siblings (niall and Louis 😅), but this time soured they were sons of another dad, so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️. It must be her.Ooooohhhhh, fics. I love reading fics, jajaja, but I can think about anything in particular now 😭😭😭😭😭 (Bc I’m tired, and sleeping, and dreading tomorrow’s morning 😫😫). But, yes, of course, someday will talk about fics. When you’re freer. Also, when were your exams starting this week or last week???? 😱😱😱 I can’t remember!! This weekend was soooo long, it felt like a month!! Jajaja. But very very very good luck on your exams!!! You keep me informed, please?

Hazte oír? Please, dont remember me that. I was so angry. I still am. And part of my family (my conservative cousins) agree with that statement and the organisation and uh 😷. I dont understand how they can be so intolerant. I find it horrifying. Some months ago, my teacher brought someone to give a lecture, and i left halfway because i was getting too angry about what he was saying, and later i found he was from Hazte Oír and it all made sense. (9)

WHAT?? You have family who supports that?? Who are you related to them?? Okay, I started answering this before I finish reading, and now that I did you’ve let me speechless. They brought someone from that association to your uni??? 😳. I can’t believe it. But I applaud you for leaving. What a shame. Seriously, I don’t know what to tell. I find it horrifying that teachers/schools/universities do that. Because that is educate in hate. 😡😡😡😡 I’m getting angry just thinking it. I don’t know why, but I become irrational when I’m in front of that kind of thoughts. Like all I want to do is shut their f*cking mouths, and scream SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPP!!!! IdufbvbfivubrfvI’m so sorry you have to deal with that!!

JAJAJJAJA. I wasnt serious. I just find hilarious when they call us a cult. Because we are not ?? Nop. I’m her favourite guinea pig, and she know that i dont do wax. I have only done that 2 times, and there’s not gonna be a third. I relate too much to your cousin, jajajaja. I just help her when she need someone to practice massages with, or anything not involving wax. I dont know about Oh Anna life, but a version without the screaming & the backround noises would be nice. (Reminder approved). 10

I call us a cult??? When??? Jajajjaja. I don’t remember, but if I said it, it was sarcasm, for sure, jajajaa.Jajaja “and there’s not gonna be a third” 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Oh, but aren’t you smart??? Jajajaja. You only want the good things!! No no, I you want a massage, you have to go to her wax exams, jajajaja. I don’t know why people don’t go willingly to be waxed by people who’s learning how to wax. What bad could happen?? Jajaja. My wax teacher told us that once, a previous year, one of the students let a drop of was fall on an another student eye. And to retire that wax, they had to cut her eyelashes!! THAT is horrific and traumatic!! She told us, so we didn’t ever forget that we don’t have move the wax around our clients faces/eyes. And it was the perfect story to never do it,jajaja.At this moment, I’m all in about buying a delux album with just oh Anna, Medicine, baby honey, and that melody he played yesterday(?) for 15€ plus (gastos de envío).

YOU SAW THE NEWS ABOUT LOUIS? HE IS PARTIALLY FREE. Yaaaay. And also, Liam appeared on TV? Where? What did they say? Pd. He said the word “sacapuntas” once again😂 and i love him. And, have you watched familiar mv? I havent yet, but my sister said it was cool. And last but no least, how are you? Did you had a good time? 11

Ay, don’t remember me. I still get emotional imagining good things happening to Louis. I hope/wish/pray that everything is happening in that regard is accord to him. And that this isn’t another fake good thing. I’m so tired of expecting good for him, and then he never gets it. And, realistically, I know at some point in the future, he will be “completely” free, but I can’t wait for that day. BE TOMORROW!! Well, we only can wait and see how thing go happening.Yes, I already told you about Liam. It was just exactly a minute, but it makes me so happy. And he’s everywhere!! Even in Spain! I can’t believe it. He’s doing so well. I think he said sacapuntas too,jajajaja. That’s all he knows!!🤣🤣😱😱😱 I haven’t yet!!! I totally forgot!!! I hope tomorrow I get to watch it. Sorry, limo.I’m good, thanks for asking, jajajaa, just a bit tired and sleepy. And tomorrow I have to go to some doctors p, I have to wake up at dawn (🤣🤣🤣🤣, it’s been so long since I woke up that early). But well, my sister just changed me this week’s day of work. Instead of Tuesday, I have to go on Wednesday, so u can nap Monday and Tuesday!jajaja (I haven’t go to sleep in Sunday, and I’m already thinking about my Tuesday’s nap 😅😅). And this Friday. IGET TO SEE NIALL!!!!! 😱😭😱😭😱😭 I can’t waiiiittttt!!!!!!!

This is what i we’re doing for some time yesterday, see the rainbow?? Jajajaa. I try to put rainbows every time I get a chance 🤣🤣🤣. I’m evil!!! (I know it’s not exactly a rainbow, but it was the most similar I could get 😅). And see this pink candies (marshmallows) at eh bottom? Well, some boys/kids can’t eat them, bc they’ll lose their masculinity 🙄🙄🙄🙄.

That’s all for tonight my lovely flower 🌺 anon. Have a nice day/week. Keep studying hard, so you can get your good results at the end of it all. 😚😚