#i'm really sad I couldn't get any more art done for the event

[serrangelic-art]

Ghost Swap (@fyeahghosttrick) for @phantriicks!!

A small combo of prompts here, so it's both "Cat Sissel comforting Yomiel" as well as "Yomiel with flowers". I'm happy I got to get a submission in for the event, I hope you enjoy it!!

[getvalentined]

Hey, so, I'm gonna be public and overt about this for the first time because apparently there is some bullshit going on related back to this, and I'm tired of walking on eggshells.

First: whoever the fuck is throwing anon hate at BBSC/birdblacksocialclub's friendgroup, STOP IT.

You are impacting my friends and my emotional wellbeing by stirring up shit that you don't know in full. If you genuinely care about any of the people involved here more than you care about getting a chance to bite back, you will not do this again. Period. Full fucking stop.

Now, to break down the situation. There is years-old beef between BBSC and I as a result of a friend of mine reporting her to the FF Charity Auction event over on Twitter for tracing way back in 2022. The organizers of the event apparently spoke to her, she promised not to trace for the event, and they opted not to do anything about it. This was within their right, as the organizers of the event, but I was quite sad about it over on my own account because it was part of a greater trend within fandom spaces of excusing popular creators for bad behavior, no matter how much of a pattern that behavior formed.

A different friend of mine commented on BBSC's listing on the event's Twitter saying, as far as I remember, "lol I'm not paying $$$ for traced art," which led to a huge blowup. To my understanding, BBSC stepped away from the event of her own free will, the organizers made a statement, and that was the end of it on that avenue.

One of BBSC's friends came into my thread lamenting this greater issue (it was not only about BBSC! I mentioned things in that thread that she had never done! It wasn't about her, it was about the trend!) to leave a bunch of vitriol, said he was being intentionally cruel, kind of implied that he hoped I would kill myself, and then ended his tirade with "you are loved" as if that would make up for the rest of it. He then blocked me so I couldn't actually see this response, which was a strange choice. I only found out about it because one of my best friends saw it and asked if I was going to respond.

I did not engage directly at any point.

When I went public a couple months later with my partner having abused me for the prior year, another of BBSC's friends commented on a reblog-with-commentary of my thread asserting that I had abused "her friend" by lying to get her kicked off of zines.

Fact check:

I did not report BBSC. I will admit that I'm the one who caught her tracing and thus had the evidence and talking points that I passed along to said friend, who used a throwaway to report it. We went back and forth on what they should say to the event organizers, I got screenshots of the responses, but it wasn't me delivering any of it.

Even if it had been me, the tracing that was reported was not a lie, and there are overlays under the cut to prove it. Reporting someone for unethical behavior in an art space when they are being put up on a pedestal within said art space is not abuse.

The project was not a zine, it was a charity art auction.

As far as I'm aware, she was not kicked off the project, she stepped down of her own accord. I believe this was stated by the event organizers—if they did remove her for tracing after all and then lied about it to save face, that's super fucked up and I'm sorry that happened.

I'm not giving the name of this person because she wasn't directly involved in anything, and didn't know the full story. Nobody really does, so it's not her fault that she believed her friend.

I genuinely, sincerely hope that BBSC is having a great time with her friends. I hope that she has stopped tracing. I hope her fandom experience is the best it can possibly be. I wish that she would talk to me so we could reach some kind of conclusion on this whole thing, but she doesn't have to and it's not like I'm going to block-evade to see what's going on with her. I see her drift across my dash sometimes, because tumblr's block function is garbage, but I've done my best to keep her name off my fandom experience.

I'd like to keep it that way, but I won't have other people getting wrapped up in this when nobody knows the extent of what happened.

I am turning off notifications on this post and will not be replying to anyone in any capacity related to this. BBSC and I have each other mutually blocked, and that should have been enough. It wasn't.

Overlays and screenshots under the cut, because the entire issue here is that I apparently lied about BBSC tracing, and that's why she hates me, but I didn't lie and she did trace, so this is fucking ridiculous.

I want to reiterate that this was two and a half fucking years ago. January 2022. I literally would not care if it didn't keep getting dredged up and fucking things up for people I care about. I'm tired of being called an abusive liar, and I will not abide by people who don't know what happened getting treated like shit because they had the AUDACITY to TRUST THEIR GODDAMN FRIEND.

Now everyone knows what happened. I don't care if this doesn't hit any goalposts for you, I don't care if you love your friend enough that this doesn't matter. I am glad that BBSC has people that are ride or die for her, she seems like she can be a really good friend. She's very creative. Her work is not bad, even when she's not tracing.

But now everyone, finally, is fully informed, so we're done. This is over. The end. Leave everyone the fuck alone.

Tracing:

My sad thread and MG Glass' response:

That one comment calling me abusive:

[fortunesfavours]

time travel in ten - sequential narrative collage piece done for my class, Artifact.

ramblings below the cut for those interested in the process/life update for friends who have noticed i've been gone

right lmao. i had two weeks to do this project and had a completely different idea that i just could not get myself to be excited about. emailed my prof in desperation, but it being like 10 pm meant that she was not about to respond. within 30 minutes, as it goes, i got struck with divine inspiration by whatever force of nature governs procrastination-induced genius, and i promptly spent the next 12 waking hours non-stop working on this.

my class, artifact, is a requirement for the foundation year at the college i attend. it centers around time-based media, ranging from the sequential illustration here to video later in the semester, and a bunch of other projects designed to get us thinking in 4d. artifact is the theme of the class - my peers are doing the same projects under a variety of different themes (tragically, haunting filled up too quickly and i missed out on enrollment in that one).

our first project was designing an artifact and doing a write-up of the story behind it. the girl to my left made beaded spiders members of a fictional cult carried. the guy across from me made an amulet of a long-dead god. you get the vibes. mine, which I still need to take professional photos of, is a pocketwatch that lets you time travel. cause, yknow. i'm me. it was gonna be about time travel.

i had originally intended to do a bunch of drawings of the watch's owner, building out her backstory and the world she lives in, and explaining why the watch exists,,,, then i couldn't bring myself to pick up the stylus. I just can't seem to find the energy for my usual digital art (sorry friends i miss yall i'm still here i swear).

here's the bit about my life so feel free to stop reading if you just care about the art 👍

I haven't drawn fanart or my ocs in months now, since last semester, and I miss it a whole bunch but right now that creative energy just. is not happening. i don't plan on abandoning it forever by any means, but p much everything i have is going towards school right now. sad as that is, i'm having so much fun, and i'm so proud of the technical improvements i've made. I've got so many things i want to create, mostly for my ocs. i still love crit role, but i've fallen of campaign three. i don't have the time, and the story hasn't been engaging me for a bit.

i've been really into dr who lately, and am eagerly waiting for the spare time to sit and watch all of candela obscura. i'm in a new dnd game. i've got friends! real life friends! irl friends who called me the wizard friend within a few hours of knowing me before i even opened my mouth about dnd lmao. i've discovered a new love of collage, and i've just declared my major in something unique to my school, a program called Studio for Interrelated Media. i'll be learning about illustration still through the extra electives i'll have room for, but i also get to explore printmaking in more depth, as well as event planning, installation, curation, and theatre work as well.

i miss being on here a whole bunch and want to be more active when i get more time. don't plan on abandoning this blog by any means. boston has been kind to me, and though i have had some Real Low Points, i've also been living the life i've hoped for since i was a kid. i'm good, really really good.

to my friends, ily, i miss you, and i hope you're well. can't wait to catch up on all yalls art and fic. sending all my love. <3

[freespeechwyngro]

Hi there, I actually found this blog purely on accident trying to find a blog for a differenr species and omfg I have never felt more vindicated reading through some of these responses. For context I joined wyngro back in the summer of 2017 (you know back when MYOs were like $11) and it was my first ARPG/evolving species ever and I was really excited. But from the moment I actually got into the group I felt disheartened with my experience.

I remember getting mocked in the discord for getting excited about a character idea, and because my art was poor I had issues finding anybody who wanted to even speak to me let alone plot. The entire experience felt so cliquey and it really messed with my self esteem for awhile. I even got kicked once from the discord with 0 warning or any form of explanation.

As an example I vividly remember the bug camp event and how I struggled and struggled to find a group because I was a nobody. Then the price hikes happened and suddenly what little I could have done became nothing, I never got to make a dream character, never had a chance to try breeding, couldn't even do a magic class, I was quite literally priced out of the game and had no hopes of ever getting something nice unless I got connections with somebody who was willing to spread the wealth. In addition reading some of this stuff I wonder if some of my misfortune was related to the fact I was a tad vocal in my distaste in the direction wyngro was taking when that whole debacle happened. But I'm probably just being paranoid.

Anyways, I know all this stuff is like ancient but its been repressed for a long time and honestly it does make me sad, I did love wyngro, I loved the world and the atmosphere and my characters, but it did cause me a lot of pain over the years and in all honesty wasn't something I had fun doing, but I do earnestly wish I could have more good memories to look back on like other people did.

.

[jaythelay]

concord getting taken down is genuinely sad and also why live service is terrible.

Do ya'll know how many games I have specifically to play some passionate fan mod, but I loathe the original game?

There's alot. Concord was never given such an opportunity. It couldn't have community servers which could change rules and plugins, it couldn't even be altered in anyway because of dumbass anti-cheat.

"It's a hero shooter?"

Yeah and we've done had that default bland as shit, scared of experimentation, no creativity experience like 6 times before concord in just under 4 years. Guess what Live Service does/means? That's right! People already had their second job, it was OW2, apex, siege, etc etc. Once ya got a "second job" game you're not interested in another.

Which is why it's completely insane to me that once again TF2 is dramatic proof of what happens when you:

A. Make a good product.

B. Make a unique product

C. Be a good company worth investing and trusting in.

D. Make your game not connected to a server 24/7 or it's dead dead Dead.

E. Allow the community to keep the game fresh for them.

F. Has more gamemodes than playable characters

G. Isn't a second job

H. Can be modded and has community servers

I. There's an inventory system that takes all credence from the dumbass but utterly frivilous level system that makes it fun to play instead of a timed event job.

J. The artistry is not only actually appealing, but timeless.

K. Can't stress this enough, it's a game ya bought and owned in 2010, became free in 2011/12, and yet everyone still owns and plays it. OW didn't and won't do that. Concord is unplayable entirely.

Really imagine working on a turd for 8 years and it comes out and fails immedietely. What a waste of artist's time to work on the CEO's dumbass cashgrab. All the art made for it is lost to time, and tbh, it doesn't even look all that great, but at the least you can say an artist made the models based off the designs that were scrutinized into generic slop by higher ups. It's still art to preserve, and we have no ability to do so.

Just sad. All around. The artists should be dictating what is being made. All publisher's should be focused on is getting the product out the door. Not one CEO could draw a line without demanding hundreds in payment. Why are they dictating the games to be made to the actual artists? You know? The people they hired to make art?

Wouldn't it be cool if the person making your game was in charge of it at any point? Instead of some investor or CEO?

I assure you we'll be hearing how most of the devs had no confidence or creativr passion for this soulless cashgrab. Some put efforts in because they respect their work enough to, but the fact is? They all knew they were polishing a turd of a product in the free market of bloat.

Stood absolutely no chance at any point in it's 8 years of development. Why the fuck spend that long on an OW clone, I genuinely will never fucking know. TF2 is right there guys. I'm not a fanboy and actively hate the game these days.

We're regressing hard with Second Job games, what TF2 brought was the future then, is now a twinkle of hope for the future we were promised. A game like Concord better set some examples. Let your artists make art, not the CEO"s latest cashgrab. Make a game that isn't tied to a server, allow mods and community servers, and you have a worthwhile product.

Til' then you're absolutely foolish to think being an OW clone was gonna sell. You chose the far more drug addicted brother who's success hinged on the success of TF2 and Blizzard's advertising. Concord had neither. OW was an exception and always will be. If ya don't got the marketing budget, you ain't beating OW. If you got the talent, you can beat TF2. Or you know. Make a better game all around.

What I want to stress is simply this: Concord is forever unplayable because nobody listens to the employees. If they did, Concord wouldn't be a Second Job title. It wouldn't be tied to a server. It wouldn't have nicro-transactions. And it certainly would've been artistically successful at the least. But when CEOs and investors are the one's deciding the artistic/creative angles, the artist will get significantly bored and the product will fail.

Notice that what worked for TF2 is that all the devs actually wanted to fucking make it. It wasn't dictated by Gabe the almighty to mandate TF2's work. Simply made a game they actually wanted to play. That, is how you get good products.

When the employee isn't a tool but an artist.

Valve is exemplatory of this and yet despite making infinite money by being the only pro-consumer store-front, having only fans because of their several genuinely timeless products, all of which were made because the artists wanted to make it, and not having a CEO leaking drool on twitter, significantly, goes to show that most of these companies are ran by absolutely dipshitted cunts who keep their artists from making real works people would be interested in.

Instead, trend chasing. Because god knows that works in the gaming industry hahaHHAHAHAHAHA fuck me. Fuck me sideways they took 8 years to copy OW and I can't stress enough by the second year there should've been a monocum of embarrassment. A moment of realization. A Second. of consideration. But no. They barrelled through for 8 fucking years to the point the game they were cloning got a fake sequel.

Nobody wants to work on a creative piece that lacks creativity and will innevitably fail. The best foot wasn't allowed forward and here we see what happens when you don't follow the Valve formula of making games the developers actually want to work on, that won't instantly crash and burn.

I'd like to say good riddance, or hey, maybe this'll be a message to the industry that if you can't match OW's marketing, that maybe you shouldn't fucking compete against them? And instead, make a unique or fun game. Idunno like make a Rayman inspired title or some shit, jesus.

[galaxyedging]

Frankie Morales x f!reader

Stupid Halloween fluff with Frankie.

Mentions of smut, nothing explicit. Mild spoilers for Hocus Pocus I guess?

The Witch is Back

"Another glorious morning! Makes me sick." A barely open brown eye peeks out from beneath the covers, a eyebrow raised quizzically over it. As your smile threatens to outshine the autumn sun streaming through the window, Frankie's brain catches up with him.

"Really? This early?!" He groans glancing at the alarm clock on his dresser.

"I told you, we're making this a day long event." His arms still wrapped in the blanket came up to wrap around you too, as you crawled back over the bed to him. Between the ease of your weight sinking to the mattress and the warmth of Frankie's embrace it was so tempting to slip back in beside him. To let sleep claim you once again, safe in the arms of the man that was your home, your rock, your world but some things were even more important that laying in the arms of your love.

"We have to get up! There's so much to do!" You shoved playfully at his firm chest.

"I have a few things, I'd like to do." He nuzzled your neck before trailing his lips over your pulse.

"Later." You shrugged him off.

That's when he knew you were serious."Really?!"

"Twenty-nine years, Frankie! Twenty-nine whole years I've been waiting for this! Now get dressed. I'll go start breakfast." You lumbered off the bed and dissappear out of the door before he could respond.

The scent of cinnamon, chocolate and powdered sugar wafted up the stairs as Frankie made his way down.

"Here. Get 'em while they're hot!" A plate was placed in front of Frankie before you span away in the direction of the fridge to retrieve the orange juice. Frankie eyed his pancakes for a moment. Since you had discovered how to make pancake art, every occasion had it's own specially designated pancakes. By your own admission they were far from perfect but Frankie could always tell what you were trying to make. He found the quirky cartoon shapes adorable. A broomstick, a cat and a spell book sat on his plate.

"Cute." He commented before covering them in chocolate syrup and dusting them with powdered sugar.

"You are." You smiled wiping the powder from his mustache after his first bite.

Once breakfast was done, there was the important mission of buying the Halloween decorations. Since you both hated putting the Christmas tree up and covering it with lights only to take it down two weeks later, you had convinced Frankie to let you put it up for Halloween as well. Themed tinsel and spooky decorations for Halloween before swapping them out for bright, multi coloured ones for Christmas. The black Christmas tree in the attic was perfect for both occasions. Thanks to you, the Christmas decorations were already neatly packed away in storage box. Frankie's previous storage system was to dump them all in a trash bag and forget abut them for a year until they needed detangling. Upon discovering this, you had questioned him about it. It was strange to you that the unusually neat and methodical Frankie would bundle the delicate decorations so carelessly. He'd lay the book his was reading on his chest and sheepishly glanced over at you. "I really like the holidays. People are different, kinder, more hopefully. Families get closer. Taking the tree down when everything is done just makes me feel, well, sad. I take it down, bag it up and shove it in the attic so I can forget what I'm missing."

Just when you thought you couldn't love Frankie any more, he'd drop something like that on you.

Frankie truly was the sweetest man you had ever met. Even when his dark side rose it's head, when he got so angry that the veins popped in his neck and he balled his fists so tightly that his knuckles went white. When he soft, warm eyes morphed into dark, harden gaze. When those eye's seemed to hold the stare of someone far away or someone else entirely. When you had no doubt that the man in front of you was a killer, for his county or not, that was the truth of it, you still couldn't lose sight of the sweet man that he was. If he was angry, he would take himself as far away from you at possible. He never wanted to subject you to seeing that side of him. No matter how much you reassured him, that it doesn't change how you feel for him, he simply didn't want to put you through the upset of seeing his moods. You were never afraid that that anger would be turned on you.

One night, when his thoughts were tangled somewhere else while his body was tangled with your's, he had woken with a start, he pinned you to the bed with an iron grip, one hand on your hip the other gripping the back of your head, before he realised where he was, that he was safe, at home, not in whatever nightmare memory his subconscious had dragged up. When you'd stuttered out his name in shock, he finally came back to you, eyes wide in the dim, moonlit room. Seeing the fear on your face broke him. Mutterings of 'I'm so sorry, Baby. So sorry. Forgive me.' spilled across your skin as he kisses every inch he could find. You had wrapped you arms and legs around him to ground him, holding him in the present, not letting him slip back to his grim past. Eventually, he had fallen back asleep like that, only to wake up early in the morning to make love to you. Each loving kiss and gentle caress, his attempt to replace the those kisses and touches given in his woeful state.

Frankie really was the sweetest man, anyone could tell by the way he indulged you as you skipped ahead down the aisle. Excited calls of "Frankie, look!" Being tossed over your shoulder as you went. The two of you must have spent over an hour, looking at the decorations, pressing every 'Try me' button, much to the annoyance of some of the other customers. When your fascination with the buttons became a threat to the mental wellbeing of the staff, you called it a day. Frankie insisted on carrying your haul to the car as you occasionally held his Bubble Tea out for him to sip. Something that you had given him a taste for.

It was easy to navigate the Saturday morning foot traffic, while absently managing both your drinks. As a woman you were always hyper aware in public but in exchange for a taste for Bubble Tea and a passion for the cinematic classic the 1999 version of The Mummy, Frankie had taught you to hone that awareness. It was less of a panicked tangle at the back of your brain and more a guiding voice, like Frankie's, deep and reassuring.

Lunch was burritos snagged on the way in and eaten while enjoying today's matinée viewing, Hocus Pocus. Frankie grinned around a mouthful as you joined the sisters in cursing Thackery, with an animated wave of you head. He tugged you closer in mild jealousy when you got excited at Billy's arrival. He giggled along with you at your inability to belt out I Put a Spell on You like Bette Midler. When it was over and the remnants of lunch were cleared away, Frankie climbed the attic ladder to retrieve the tree. He passed the large but thankfully not heavy box down to you which you promptly dropped as you too bust staring at his ass to take notice of how you were holding it. His head shot around as he heard it hit the floor.

"Sorry." You put an exaggerated grimace on your face.

"For dropping the box or staring at my ass?" Frankie really was aware of everything in his surroundings. "I did still have a few things planned for today."

He descended the ladder slowly, his cute little butt highlighted with every step. When he reached the bottom, he smiled mischievously "Trick or treat?"

"How about a little of both?" You whispered in his ear before biting the lobe. That was all it took for Frankie to drag you to your bedroom.

A few fun filled, and eventually, nap filled, hours later you came back down to start the decorations. The tree cast shadows on the wall as the lights shone, nestled between the branches. When Frankie was satisfied the lights were working and positioned properly, you began to drape the tinsel over them. There was length of white with little ghosted cut outs sticking out from it, a length of orange with pumpkins and, your personal favourite, a length with tiny bats fluttering from it. The tinsel glistened as the shaped threw more shadows on the walls. Frankie stood behind you, his shadow being softly cast on the wall by the only other light source in the room, the warm glow of a table lamp. You studied his shadow out of the corner of your eye. All broad shoulders and cocked out hip. You'd know that man anywhere.

It was still so hard for you to believe he was yours. You'd been in a pretty dark place when you met, no where near the level Frankie had once been at but it wasn't a competition, you had your own scars and battles. While helping Frankie heal his, you'd do some work on your own. He drove you to be better, you had to be to support him, to be the partner he needed. In turn, Frankie had done the same, he'd pushed himself out of his comfort zone, he'd believed in himself when he didn't think he could. He would do anything to be worthy of you.

Smiling over you shoulder as you hung some rubber bats on the branches, you caught Frankie looking at you, seemingly from a world of his own. "What are thinking about?"

"You." He said simply before stepping in behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist to draw you close to him. He stayed like that, moulded to your back for a long moment. He did that sometimes it as if he needed a moment to take in that you were here with him, real flesh and blood in his arms. Taking a steady breath in, he placed a kiss to your shoulder. "So where do you want the little skeletons?"

Frankie knew better than to just haphazardly dive in, you would no doubt already have a plan in your mind of how it should look. "Just dot them around, not too close to each other. We want a good mix of each one in each section of the tree. We have the pumpkins and the black cats to go too."

"Yes, Ma'am." He nodded before proceeding to carry out you orders.

With the two of you working together, the tree was done in no time. The last touch was a Ghostbusters-esque ghost to go on top. You had no trouble reaching the top of the not overly tall tree, yet Frankie had insisted on lifting you up anyway, making sure to cop a handful as he picked you up and put you down. "Frankie!" You mock scolded.

With the tree looking exactly how you wanted it. It was time for the main event. Frankie fetched the Halloween candy and chips from the kitchen while you got the film queued up.

Frankie tried his best to keep up with the movie, he really did. It was just so hard with you bouncing excitedly next to him. The giddy little wriggle as the characters came back. The way your face lit up with each reference to the first movie. The way your curves jigged as you literally jumped for joy. The way your soft, warm hand slide perfectly into his as if to tug him alone in your enjoyment. Frankie was only mildly aware of the movie but he was completely aware of you and how much he loved this time with you.

"Did you love it or did you love it?" You squealed once the credits rolled.

"I loved it." He grinned before kissing you deeply.

Tags @kirsteng42 @babydarkstar @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom

The title is a nod to me writing again. Still putting my series writing on hold for a little while. I'm gonna just write random stuff for fun. Let me know if you don't want to be tagged.💕

[leviskokoro]

KOKORO 500 EVENT :: THANK YOU FOR 500 FOLLOWERS!!

event duration: Feb 17 - Feb 25 (GMT + 8 / Philippines Timezone)

A special thanks to everyone for all the support in getting here. I legit couldn't get here without you all. First off, I would like to recommend some of my favorite blogs to visit for content as well as some of my friends who have supported me while I wasn't feeling emotionally well.

Kokoro Headcanons/Scenarios

People are allowed to send requests for the dorm leaders! Here are the rules and please respect them:

no NSFW (Yandere is allowed though)

don't make the s/o overly specific because that would count as oc-coded. One or two attributes are allowed

I will be making most of these headcanons as genderneutral as I can so that anyone can enjoy them

Kokoro Matchups (3/5)

I will be accepting 5 matchup requests. Sorry I can't really do more than 5 since I'm sort of busy with schoolwork. Here's the info that I'll be needing in your matchup request:

Personality

Hobbies

Talents

What you’re looking for in a partner

What you offer in a relationship

Your love language

The love language you want your partner to have

What makes you tick/What makes you keep going in life

Worst fears

Life philosophy or life motto

What turns you off from someone

What makes you like someone

Other stuff you feel is necessary

Kokoro Sleepover

Feel free to ask me any questions! Some examples can be "What was your inspiration for this fic?" or "What advice would you give for writing?"

Kokoro Icons (1/5)

I'll be accepting 5 requests to make icons of whichever twst character is asked!

Kokoro Shoutouts

@twisted-n-thirsty (NSFW) / @twisted-whimsies :: Brew is a talented writer and is someone I enjoy talking to a lot! Densest of Them All hooked me in and I've loved her writing ever since.

@sherbet-shark :: Twist is a dear friend who has done a lot for me and the server. She's been a wonderful support for everyone in the twisted friends server and I'm sure other people. Her writing is phenomenal, especially during ebg when she wrote all those letters. Also, she’ll be doing a milestone event soon so please check her out and send some requests in!

@forcebewitht :: My wifey, My Vil kinnie, what can't you do? I admire her immensely for how much talent, brightness, and confidence she has. We've done a lot together and I'll never forget the fantastic fics that she wrote for me.

@sourpterodactyl :: Sour has always been so determined to help everyone out and I admire her greatly for that. She's a big help to the entire server and has always been there for me when I needed it.

@rrasado :: Rras is one of the people that showed up a lot in my notifs before the server and I always appreciated her support. It’s always a joy seeing her art in the channels and I adore Phoebe!

@luvielle :: Luvi is a fantastic artist and I love her for how amazing her writing and rping is, as well as her supportive personality that makes members feel welcome in the server.

@creamy--sad :: Quality writing and quality friend. He’s someone special to me because he’s been able to make me feel so special as well.

@twstpasta :: Mac is absolutely hilarious and a fantastic content creator in the twst community. I almost screamed irl when I saw that they joined the server

@dreamii-yume (DARK CONTENT WARNING) :: I saw their works in AO3 and was blown away by the quality writing. I’ve been a follower for a while now and it’s always great to see their posts on my dash

@twstedforyou (DARK CONTENT WARNING) :: Freaking amazing yandere art and probably one of the best blogs I’ve seen on any fandom. I adore their yokai au and am excited to see more.

@lovee-infected :: I adore her analyses and content. It was such an honor to have her give feedback on my Vil and Leona analysis post. I was super happy when she joined the server too!

And that’s the end of this post! I would add more people but unfortunately tumblr would kick my ass if I added too many people ;w;

Thanks again to everyone for the support and I’m so overjoyed that you all love my content. I hope to continue making stuff that people in the community will enjoy.

[imnotanybody]

To the one reading this, may you finally breathe and freely cry without having to explain your pain. 🦋

Photo taken at Pinto Art Museum

As a child, I would remember myself sitting on the floor of my locked room, sometimes, inside my closet, crying and heavily breathing. I could hardly recall the specific reasons for my tears, but all I know is that I was in deep pain, so deep that it nearly teared up my heart literally. I could somehow only recall that the ultimate cause of my pain was my inability to conquer frustrations in my life (yes, even as a kid, I had my fair share of life frustrations) as well as lack of encouragement from the people I looked up to.

My mom and dad would knock on my door, at times, insistently, so I would open it. When they saw me, putting my best efforts to wear a straight face and hide any traces of tears, they would ask, "Bakit ka ba umiiyak? Ano ba ang problema mo, anak?” I would also remember that out of frustration, my dad would forcefully bring me outside our house, lock the front door to prevent me from coming in as a punishment, because I couldn't stop crying. Don't get me wrong. My dad wasn’t a bad father. He loved and continue to love us dearly. It's just that he didn't want to see us crying without any reason. Para kasing tantrums lang. I totally understood him.

But to date, unbeknownst to the people present at that moment, I had my reason -- I got hurt by an insult that made me question, even up to know, my self-worth.

I grew up with many such like episodes in my life - as a kid, a teenager, and even as a young adult. I would cry because I heard someone close to me said that I'm stupid, that I'm not good enough, that I’m ugly, and all those kinds of negativity. I even had actual events where those words were somehow proven to be true to me; so many rejections from people, in school, jobs, etc. I know you will say that I should have just ignored them and should have believed in myself more, but it was indeed easier said than done. For an average kid who did not even know how to express herself, who had a low self-esteem and who used to admire those culprits, it was extremely hard to ignore them. In other words, I believed them. I was even so scared of disappointing them by expressing my hurt. It was like being okay with trying to be okay. And so, I remained that way - OKAY. But little did I know that I had the right to feel what I feel and not be sorry for it.

Going back to my crying episodes, please do not assume that I lived a very sad life -- No, it wasn’t like that. I had many moments that I was happy. I was a happy child. I had hobbies and interests. I had the best, albeit not perfect, family, and I had the best-est friends. It's just that I wished they understood me more, because, we all have the right to feel what we feel and not be sorry for it.

In stating that I had reasons for crying, it was not really them that caused me pain. It was the fact that I was too scared to even talk about those reasons, because people might not understand my pain, and might find me ~too sensitive~. Unlike my thoughts back then, you have the right to feel what you feel and not be sorry for it.

There was one time, in 2019, while a two-year old niece of my sister-in-law (my brother's wife) was vacationing at our house, she used to cry non-stop, and when she was being asked why, she wouldn't respond and would just keep on crying. My brother said then that I used to be like that kid, a ferocious crier without having any reasons at all. But then again, I had my reasons, I had my pain. I then realized that even when as a kid, I adopted this habit of being ashamed of speaking about my pain; maybe because I was too scared to hear these words: "Parang yun lang?" "Ang dami mong arte". I was too afraid to be criticized for being able to feel. Later on, I will tell you, if you are like me then, why you should stop. Besides, you have the right to feel what you feel and not be sorry for it.

Now that I grew older, with many life-changing experiences, I cannot say whole-heartedly that I'm a totally changed person. I would still get hurt-cry-find comfort from others-be criticized-stand back up-comfort myself-be okay. It has become a cycle of coping up for me. There was a slight change, I could say, that is -- I cried less, and I was able to master the art of having my own back. Nonetheless, the fact of still trying to hide my pain remained, and so it is making me difficult to breathe. But do not be like me. Remember, you have the right to feel what you feel and not be sorry for it.

Until now, whenever I have problems, I would shy away from seeking immediate comfort from others. I rarely share my pain to the few whom I trust and love dearly, but still the fear is there, like a shadow visible only under the moonlight. But again, do not let the same fear linger, for you have the right to feel what you feel and not be sorry for it.

Allow me to share one instance that I hope would never happen to you and if it would, I wish for you to handle it differently than I did -- I was betrayed by used to be closest people to me. They were "my people" back then. Naturally, the betrayal caused me pain - that kind of pain I have never imagined I would get to feel in my 9 lives if I were a cat. But hey, life sometimes sucks, right? And it did. The pain worsened not because of the betrayal itself (I believe that has been quite settled) but because of what was done to me thereafter. I was made to appear like a crazy-overthinking witch. In that story, everyone was a victim but me. Hence, most of the battle wounds came from the unfortunate circumstance of making me feel guilty that I got hurt by it. You know - imagine people throwing stones at you and demanding that you apologize to them while you bleed; imagine someone stabbing you with a knife and claiming it was your fault you died, because you kept bleeding; imagine them trying to conceal your wounds they themselves inflicted by leaving you in the dark, so no one would see. There was no choice then but to self-heal. That was how it felt. That is how it feels. This is why you should avoid, by all means, being like me. For this, I owe my mind and my heart a lifetime’s worth of apology. I had to tell myself, "you have the right to feel what you feel and not be sorry for it".

Another instance would be everytime I try to speak of my fears and worries, I got too tired and afraid of the typical "Think positive", "Mabuti ka nga ganyan lang ang problema mo", "wag ka kasi ganyan mag-isip". Don't get me wrong. I totally grasp the idea of the need to think big and look at the brighter side of life, and I appreciate the people who try to talk it out with me. It's just that I wish I could have more people who choose to understand more, to tell me instead, "Whatever it is, your emotions are totally valid, and I am here to listen". You have the right to feel what you feel and not be sorry for it.

I often find myself asking why suicide is committed mostly by those who seemed to have no problems in life. Neither did I realize sooner that the answer is exactly that -- "they seem to have no problems in life". Family, friends, colleagues would see these people smiling and laughing. You might say, "But she appeared to be very happy and seemed to have a perfect life, and she would tell no one of her problems". Sorry, darling, but no. The unstated fact is that she did, she tried to open up, but you didn't take her words for it. She asked for help, but you were blinded by her "perfect" life. Your response to her almost always sounded like, "Just shake it all off" or the dismissive common words, "It could be worse. Just think positive". And so, she chose to laugh her problems all off because to her, no one would understand. She was afraid no one would believe her hurt and no one would see the bleeding. She was asked to explain and justify her pain, but she grew tired of it. And just like that, an internal hemorrhage, it took her life without leaving any mark. But did you know she was going to take her own life? No. In fact, no one knew, not even her. And you were left standing in front of a tombstone full of regrets. So please, do not be like the sad soul of the bearer of a "perfect" life. Cry if you must and know that everything will be alright in time, because you have the right to feel what you feel and not be sorry for it.

Remember when I said I was too afraid to be criticized for being able to feel? Well, as promised, here is one reason why you should not be: You have the right to feel what you feel and not be sorry for it.

I had become accustomed to the toxic habit of feeling sorry for being hurt, for feeling pain, but do not think about me. I have learned to drink that poison without dying. So unlike me, you may still have time to change this if you happen to see yourself being eaten alive by this very same poison.

Unlike me, do not apologize for being hurt. Your feelings are perfectly valid. Try to be alive as much as you can, and try to own your feelings and emotions. You will get better in time.

Unlike me, be gentle to yourself. Strive to be positive and happy without dismissing the fact that sometimes it is okay not to be okay.

Unlike me, learn to love deeply, but start by loving yourself. You are one loved being created by God, so always trust that He gave you enough strength to love people with all your heart, and that includes yourself. Therefore, if I could give you something that I was able to get from all these, it is that -- you should learn how to have your own back.

Unlike me, always, always protect your heart. I know it is impossible to totally eradicate pain, but as much as possible, shield it from the deadly weapon of blind love and the desire to please others.

Above all, unlike me, know your worth. You are God's child. You are a daughter of a King. Straighten up that crown and be your own warrior. Let that sink in. Because at the end of the day, you are the captain of the ship of your life.

It may have been too late for me, but not for you. And so, tonight I'll pray and to your ear I'll whisper, "May you finally breathe and freely cry without having to explain your pain".

From the kid who used to cry herself to sleep,

TC

P.S. Even if it is too late for me, I want you to know that I did not give up. I chose to "shake it all off" as I intentionally want to be remembered as the one who loves without expecting to be loved in return.

Caveat: The above content does not, in any way, enable being selfish, close-minded, and most importantly, does not encourage suicide. Suicide does not stop the pain. It only passes the pain to others who we love dearly. Besides, all of us have respective stories to tell. The point is, be gentle to yourself. 🖤

05/2020

[threemoonsareshining]

i think you're such a cool person can you do as many as you'd like of the get to know you asks? i couldn't choose! i'm just desperate to know you lol

Hi anon! There are a lot of asks and I’m not that cool but I’m sad and bored again so I’ll do as many as I can.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? I don’t think I’ve ever really held hands for real with anyone but I’m pretty sure the last time was about a week ago with one of my best friends bc we were in a place with lots of people and we didn’t want to get lost 2. Are you outgoing or shy? I’m the shyest person I know (actually no, I know a girl who is even shyer than me but I’m pretty close)3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Not to sound cheesy or anything but I really want to see this guy I had something weird going on with not because of any special reason I just want to know where things are going4. Are you easy to get along with? I’d like to say I am but actually it’s really really hard to keep in touch with me and I’m not good at making conversation at all6. What kind of people are you attracted to? First of all, I’m not usually attracted to people at all, I don’t know why and when I am I always ask myself “girl why this one exactly?” and honestly, I don’t know. There are just some persons I feel comfortable with in a specific way and  then attraction grows from there idk I’m really not used to being attracted to anyone9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Extremely10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? A friend of mine when I was really drunk at his house waiting for my parents to pick me up. I don’t really remember what we talked about but it felt very nice.11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? it says “no da miedo hihihi” which translates to “it’s not scary hihihi”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? right now I can’t stop listening to Fiji Water by Owl City (i’m so excited he’s releasing new music!), Your Mother’s Eyes, Rythm and Blues and Take a Walk by The head and the heart and It’s only life by The Shins.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? I like it because it feels so so relaxing but at the same time it makes me anxious because I think that the more people touch it the dirtier and more damaged it gets and as a person who spends a considerable amount of time on my hair, that is not so nice15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to a festival in the town next to mine and I got to see all my friends after a long time and I had such a good time my heart hurts every time I think about it16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yess (idk if it’s bc I really like him or I just want to kiss someone)18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No! Actually I saw him a few months ago after… 6 years and we looked at each other like “are you who I think you are?”. I never really talked to him, he treated me like shit and he’s responsible for many of my insecurities so I believe it’s better this way hah21. What are you bad habits? I don’t sleep, I don’t pay as much attention as I should to my loved ones, I forget to eat and shower and I scratch my face like there’s no tomorrow my friend23. Do you have trust issues? Hell yeah I do. Literally everyone I knew left me when I was like 15 or so which is, you know, a crucial stage of your emotional development and stuff so since then I’ve never got close to anyone because what better strategy than not to be invested enough in a relationship so if it ends you don’t feel so bad about it!25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My ears for sure. They stick out so that’s why I never wear my hair up in public. I thought about getting surgery but I want to stay true to myself and stuff.28. Who are you most comfortable around? I’m not 100% comfortable with anyone but I guess my best friend is a strong candidate.30. Do you ever want to get married? I never think about that because my brain always tells me “first find someone who is actually willing to marry you and then we’ll think about it”31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? It’s long enough for 6 ponytails if you put your mind into it34. Do you play sports? What sports? Sports are bad and I hate them36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? I liked this guy for like 6 years and I literally never spoke a word to him but I think the way I looked at him made it pretty obvious (I guess that’s why he avoided me all the time)37. What do you say during awkward silences? I’m the Queen of awkward silences and I’ve learnt that it’s ok to not say anything. Or I’ll just sigh a lot.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Don’t make me think about shops rn bc I spent the whole afternoon trying to find something to wear to the 5 million Christmas dinners I have and everything was either too expensive, too ugly or just looked terrible on me so yeah I’m pretty mad40. What do you want to do after high school? I wanted to study something arts-related like filmmaking, music or dance, you know, the only things I actually used to enjoy but instead of that I decided to study economics because I hate myself41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I think this depends on the circumstances but in my opinion and taking into account my own experience I’ll always give a second chance, maybe not immediately but eventually, I will.42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? It means I’m being me haha43. Do you smile at strangers? I try to but it’s scary45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning besides the fact that if I stop doing the things I should do I’ll never be able to catch up and everyone will go on with their lives while I stay the same and become mediocre and that’s just inconceivable to me. So basically I don’t live for myself but for the expectations people have of me.48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes and I wish I was rn honestly49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Yes and since I don’t want to tell anyone I won’t say what it is52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I wasn’t worried about literally everything because it’s so tiring and it keeps me from thinking about more important stuff64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? About a month ago I was at this party and everyone was telling me one of my friends I had been talking to for a while wanted to hook up with me and I kinda wanted to too but I’m too shy and anxious to make any moves so I got drunk, and  after avoiding him like 6546 times (bc I was really worried I would look stupid not bc I didn’t want to) I finally kissed him in front of an entire crowd of strangers and all my friends found out about it right afterwards so it was like a public event and I felt really exposed so yeah it wan’t ideal~ but also not the worst (I cringed so much while writing this, it was so awkward my god)69. Are you watching tv right now? Not right now but I’m about to watch the new episode of Crazy ex-girlfriend 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2, one for my head and other by my side to keep me some company (I’m so lonely oh my god)73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? A shar-pei puppy dog I have since I was born (it’s so so cute I love it his name is wrinkles)75. Favourite animal? Cats are not only my favourite animals but one of my favourite things on earth78. Favourite ice cream flavour? since ice cream is my favourite food I can’t really choose one flavour (anything but banana flavour tho)81. Favourite tv show? GoT and Mr Robot I can’t choose but there are so many82. Favourite movie? Billy Elliot86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Bruce the shark, he deserves more recognition94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? I own lots of sweaters because you can never own enough sweaters (until you run out of space in your closet which is what’s happening to me)95. Last movie you watched? Tulip Fever. Not one of my favourites but last night I felt like watching some historic drama and romance shit (love it every once in a while). Alicia Vikander and Dane Dehaan tho98. Do you tan a lot? I used to but since I rarely leave my room during the summer I’ve become The Pale Friend™ 99. Have any pets? Two cats and I used to have fish but they weren’t my thing and I decided that no more fish would die because of me (I really tried but they just didn’t survive idk why)100. How are you feeling? I’m feeling really anxious right now and I can’t sleep. Partly it’s because I’ve got a lot of papers to write and a presentation on Monday and none of them are going especially well tbh, but there’s something else that is making me feel extremely uneasy and bad about myself and idk what it is but I’d like it to stop thank you very much102. Do you regret anything from your past? I regret not being able to enjoy these last 3 or 4 years of my life because they could’ve been some of the best years of my life but I was so full of sadness and hatred I just couldn’t pay attention to anything else108. What should you be doing? sleeping since 1 am but it’s 4 am and here we are115. Do you play the Wii? Who would I be without Just dance and Animal Crossing 116. Are you listening to music right now? yes, Rainbow Veins by Owl City (how unexpected)117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I had that for dinner and it was beautiful118. Do you like Chinese food? The other day I cried tears of happiness because my mom ordered Chinese food for lunch119. Favourite book? Memorias the Idhún120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not so much now but not so long ago I would get what now I can consider almost panic attacks because the dark made me feel so anxious. I’d stay paralysed in my bed, feeling my arms numb and I can swear I heard stuff in my head and I got the feeling that I was literally dying.126. Are you currently bored? A little (these are a lot of questions but I want to finish them now)129. What your zodiac sign? Taurus131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? This is happening right now and I don’t like him that way so I just try to keep everything the same but also I try to keep the distances so he doesn’t misinterpret things (this makes me feel so bad for him sometimes but I’m trying to make him see that not liking him romantically doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being with him). Let’s hope it works.133. Favourite lyrics right now? “I’ve been down the very road you’re walking now / It doesn’t have to be so dark and lonesome / It takes a while but we can figure this thing out / And turn it back around”  from It’s only life by The Shins.137. How tall are you? 164cm which I think is 5,3 feet138. Curly or Straight hair? My hair is curly af and it’s very inconvenient for… life you know140. Summer or Winter? Summer because of the holidays winter because of the feeling141. Night or Day? Night145. Tea or Coffee? Tea but coffee has been saving my life these past weeks146. Was today a good day? Today was a wasted and disappointing day.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Con Elodin nunca se sabe —dije—. Si no está loco, es el mejor actor que he conocido jamás” from The Wise Man’s Fear. It translates to something like “’Who can say with Elodin?’ I said. ‘If he isn’t crazy, he’s the best actor I’ve ever met.’”

Congrats if you’ve managed to read all this without unfollowing me  🍃🍃🍃⛄️⛄️⛄️