#i'm only friends with most people out of courtesy reasons

[brattybytes]

Once again I have the distinct and violent urge to remove myself from all public spaces because I'm in an intense "I hate people so fucking much" mood right now

[scary-grace]

hi!! for the prompts: 8 & 28? :D i've only recently found ur shiggy fics and i love them all!! i can't wait to read more from you!! 💗

Hi there! Thank you so much for sending me this prompt. This one is set in an AU I've been kicking around for a little while, with the potential to turn into a longer fic one day -- Shigaraki x reader, no quirks/high school au, zombie apocalypse. I'm still taking prompts from this list if you or anyone else would like to send me another!

'shielding the other one with their body' + ‘feeling for each other in the dark’

“Don’t look.” Shigaraki stands squarely between you and whatever lies half in, half out of the classroom. You try to step around him, and he steps back in to block your view. “Hey. What did I just tell you? Don’t look.”

“Just because I’m a girl, you think I can’t –” Rage and stress make you incoherent enough as it is, but beneath it all is fear. Fear because you’ve come to a stop. Fear because you know they’re here somewhere, but you don’t know where, and in the bloodshed that’s unfolded in the halls of your high school since this morning, you’ve learned to fear silence as much as noise. “I can handle it. Let me see –”

“You think it’s because you’re a girl? I wish I hadn’t seen it,” Shigaraki snaps at you. “If I didn’t want to see it, you don’t want to, either.”

For some reason, that argument works on you. “Do you know who it was?”

Shigaraki glances over his shoulder. His jaw clenches, and he looks away fast. “A teacher, maybe. Whoever they were, there’s not enough left of them to reanimate.”

“Good.”

The words feel wrong even as they leave your mouth, but you mean them. With your survival looking increasingly unlikely, the best thing you can hope for is that you don’t come back after you’re killed. “Good,” Shigaraki says. “Let’s go.”

You nod, and inch past the doorway, careful of where you step, avoiding the smears of blood along with everything else. Shigaraki keeps blocking your view the entire way. You’ve been switching off who leads the way, and now it’s your turn. You hold your hand out behind you for the mirror you’ve been using to check around corners and Shigaraki passes it to you, his fingers brushing over yours in a way that would have made your heart skip a beat this morning. Now, with night falling soon, there’s no room left inside you for a stupid crush. All the space is take up by the knowledge of just how quickly things can go wrong.

It started in chemistry class. Everything was fine until chemistry class, even though it’s Valentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day is the worst day of the year for almost everybody. You and your friends did the traditional single-girl chocolate swap, but you brought another small box with you, in case you got up your nerve. And you did. Instead of leaving it in your backpack to be forgotten or in front of his locker to be stolen, you set it down at your lab partner’s seat before he got there.

Shigaraki Tomura isn’t a nice guy. He’s older than you, courtesy of being held back a year sometime in middle school, and while he has friends, every last one of them has a reputation just like his. When you were paired up with him for chem lab at the beginning of the year, most people felt sorry for you, and they said so. But you were determined to make the best of it, not to get off on the wrong foot, and so you were friendly. It took two months for him to start being friendly back.

Maybe that was why you risked the chocolate. You remembered a conversation early on, both of you complaining about couples hanging out in the hallways and blocking you from getting your shoes back, and he’d mentioned something about Valentine’s Day being even worse – everybody and their cat gets chocolate, and I just have to look at it. Writing is your best subject. You read between the lines. And you decided to bring him something way before you admitted you had a crush.

You weren’t sure how you were expecting him to react. Confusion, or interest – you hadn’t signed your name, and if someone gave you chocolate, you’d want to know who it was. But Shigaraki guessed right away that it was you, and when he turned to you, all you could see on his face was rage. It took you three minutes to get your bearings, to respond. Three minutes was enough to get you both sent to the principal’s office.

And it’s a good thing you were there, wasn’t it? In an office with a door that locked and a closed-circuit TV, so when you heard the first screams, you could look into and see exactly what was happening. Your school was devolving into a mess of blood and bodies, and while you refused to say the word, Shigaraki wasn’t shy about it. They’re zombies, he said. And then: We’re fucked.

You made up your mind right then that the two of you were going to survive – and that you were going to finish up the stupid fight you were having in chem class – but as the day’s worn on, it’s gotten harder to hide the truth. The two of you can sneak around the school. You can scavenge food and makeshift weapons. You can use the zombies’ sensitivity to sound to draw them away from wherever you’re trying to go. But you’re still trapped inside the school. You have no idea what conditions are like on the outside, because the school WiFi’s been shut down, and the building’s a dead zone on its best day. And you’re running out of places to go.

Right now you’re moving from the music room, where you spent the afternoon, up into the higher reaches of the building. Going up feels like a bad idea, except the upper levels have fire escapes, which means any room with a window has a way out. You can figure that out in the morning. It’s almost nightfall, and the power’s out. If you and Shigaraki don’t hurry up, you’ll be fumbling your way through a school full of zombies in the dark.

You check around the corner with the mirror. It looks like a straight shot to the stairs, except there’s a couple of zombies knocking around on the landing below your current floor, too clueless to climb up without something to draw their attention. You beckon Shigaraki forward to look into the mirror with you. “Too much open space,” he says, his chapped lips pressed to your ear. “There’s another staircase.”

“On the other end of the school. It’s too far.” You can’t face picking your way back through the sea of bloodstained classrooms the two of you have already crossed. “If we cross –”

“No.”

“If we cross the hall and throw something back the way we came, they’ll clear out and we can go along the wall. As long as we’re quiet –”

The instant the word leaves your mouth, a distant scream pierces the air, and your stomach clenches with horror. There was someone else alive in here – someone else, who’s about to be murdered, and whose cries for help have jarred the zombies on the landing into motion. “Fuck,” Shigaraki mumbles in your ear. “Your idea. Let’s go.”

In the thirty seconds or so it takes the zombies to fumble their way up the stairs to your floor, you and Shigaraki cross the hallway and glue yourselves to the opposite wall. You’ve figured out by now that the zombies don’t see too well. When they pass by, you hold ridiculously still, barely even breathing, and as soon as they round the corner, both of you bolt for the stairs. The stairs are covered in bookbags, backpacks, coats, water bottles, even phones – anything someone would have dropped as they ran for their lives.

You’re careful with where you step, worried not just about sound but about whatever you put weight on sliding out from underneath you. Shigaraki’s not as careful, and it costs him. He stumbles on the strap of a backpack, turns his ankle, curses as he kicks free. The thump of the backpack as it tumbles a few steps down the stairs makes you cringe, but there’s something even worse – a metal water bottle, rolling from the edge of one step. Shigaraki lunges for it, misses. You go for it, and you don’t miss.

But Shigaraki’s off-balance, and with his ankle turned, he can’t catch himself without making noise. A cascade of backpacks and water bottles tumbles down the stairs, jangling and clattering as they go, and you freeze. So does Shigaraki. If there are zombies on the upper floor, you’re both dead, but you don’t hear footsteps above you. What you do hear are the stumbling groans and thuds of zombies coming from every other direction.

You need them to keep going every other direction. You adjust your grip on the water bottle and throw it as hard as you can down the hall, listening to it clang against the tile floors. That should distract them at least a little. Long enough for you and Shigaraki to get to the upper floor. You reach out, offering to help him up the stairs, but he smacks your hand away and gets to his feet on his own.

The two of you can’t use the mirror to check what awaits you at the top of the stairs, but it’s quiet. Shigaraki’s taller, so he stands up straight, peering into the hallway. “Nothing,” he says, when he drops back down at your side. “All the doors are open. We can pick a room.”

The upper floor is weirdly quiet, weirdly empty, weirdly clear of bodies and blood. It’s like everyone got up and left at once. Every time you peer into a room, you expect a nightmare to leap out at you, but the only things moving through the hall are you and Shigaraki. It’s creeping Shigaraki out, too. “Where did they go?”

“We heard the fire alarm go off. People on the top floor would have evacuated down the stairwells.” You remember this morning’s screams, and the way the fire alarm howled for an hour before falling silent. “The zombies wouldn’t have had a reason to come here. How about this one?”

Shigaraki peers into the room you picked. “It’s tiny.”

“It’ll be easier to keep warm,” you say. He gives you a weird look. “The power’s out. The heat will be, too. This has a window and a fire escape.”

“The door doesn’t lock.” Shigaraki turns the handle this way and that. “We’ll barricade ourselves in.”

“We should check the classrooms first,” you say. “People leave their backpacks in a fire drill. Maybe somebody left some food.”

Your idea was to split up, to check the classrooms one at a time, but Shigaraki follows you, and the two of you pick over your dead classmates’ belongings mostly in silence. Shigaraki collects food and water, and you do the same, although you add in other things that might be useful. Portable chargers, assuming any of them are charged. Medicine – allergy pills, ibuprofen, band-aids. A spare pair of socks, a pencil pouch with tampons and panty liners, a toothbrush and toothpaste. The only things you don’t touch are the packages of chocolate your classmates left behind.

Shigaraki doesn’t ask questions until you’re back in your chosen room, the door barricaded and the spoils from your looting spread out on the floor between you. “What did you grab that for?”

“Stuff we’ll need. For when we get out of here.”

Shigaraki scoffs. “You think we’re getting out of here? They left us. They don’t care what happens to us. Once the military gets its shit together they’ll burn this place to the ground.”

“So we’ll get out before then,” you say. “Why did you grab all that food if you think we’re just going to die?”

“We might as well eat good until then.” Shigaraki pokes at a bag of chips, then grimaces. “These are gonna be loud.”

“Maybe that’s how we sort them. Quiet stuff first.” You start rearranging the supplies, and Shigaraki helps without arguing. Outside the window, the sun is setting fast. “We want to be ready to go in the morning.”

“Go where?” Shigaraki shakes his head. “Even if we make it down the fire escape, we’re just going to land in the bushes. Every zombie in the school will hear that.”

“The bushes are right by the student parking lot,” you say. Shigaraki looks up. “How fast can you hotwire a car?”

“Do you think I was in a gang or something?”

“Do you know how to or not?”

“I can do it.” Shigaraki glances out the window, grimaces. The room is so dark that you can barely make out his expression in the dark. “Let’s say we make it that far. Where do we even go?”

“Anywhere,” you say. “Anywhere’s better than here.”

Shigaraki could argue with you. You even know what he’d say – something about how a zombie outbreak would be even worse in a city, how there are plenty of places the two of you could go where you’d be fucked even worse than you are right now. But he doesn’t argue with you. Instead he slides an energy bar across the floor to you. It’s one of the ones you like, one he’s probably seen you eat dozens of times. You didn’t realize he paid attention to stuff like that.

You pay attention, too. You hand him a package of the cookies he always gets from the vending machine, and the two of you settle down to eat in silence.

You’re both night owls – you know that, courtesy of messaging him late about projects and getting an almost instantaneous response – but without light and with the need to save your phone batteries, both of you settle down early. The door’s firmly barricaded. The only other way out is the window and the fire escape, and zombies can’t climb, which means you and Shigaraki are as safe as it’s possible to be. It’s safe for you to fall asleep.

Your mind knows that, but your body doesn’t. Every inch of you is humming with adrenaline, your limbs shaky instead of sure, and no matter how safe your current hideout might be, you know the world outside isn’t. Shigaraki’s right. Where are you going to go, if the two of you manage to get out of here? The zombie virus always spreads, even in zombie movies with happy endings. How many high schools is it in now? How many towns? Even if you live to be a hundred, you’ll never forget what you saw here. What you heard. What you smelled. But you won’t live to be a hundred. You’ll die. Probably tomorrow.

Even though you picked the smallest room to hole up in, the cold still seeps in. Two people’s body heat isn’t enough, especially not when you’re sleeping on opposite sides of the room. But there’s no way you’re cuddling up to Shigaraki in the middle of the night. Given how he reacted to the chocolates you gave him, he’d probably kill you for suggesting it. Why did he react like that, anyway? You never got an answer.

A hand brushes across your shoulder and you startle so badly that your heart goes still in your chest. “Don’t do that.” Shigaraki’s voice is barely a rasp. “You’re cold, too. If you freeze to death I’m never getting out of here.”

“I thought we were dead anyway.” You feel Shigaraki inching closer to you across the tile floors and make what’s probably a stupid decision. “Why not? I guess you need somebody to throw to the zombies to slow them down.”

“Why, so I can make it another five feet on my own? Not worth it.” Shigaraki settles in beside you, until you’re lying back to back. You’re pretty sure that you have to get closer to share body heat with any effectiveness, but you’re not going to say a word. “It’s better to be on a team. I could do a lot worse.”

The urge to ask him about the chocolate boils up again, but it’s faint, transient. There’s something more important you need to ask. “Shigaraki, I need you to promise me something. If I get bitten –”

“I know. Put you out of your misery.” Shigaraki yawns. “I can do that.”

“No,” you say. “That’s not the kind of movie we’re in.”

“Then what? I’m supposed to drag you with me until there’s a cure?”

You grit your teeth. “I need you to promise me,” you try again. “If I get bitten – just let them eat me.”

Shigaraki coughs. “What?”

“Just let them eat me,” you say. You feel strangely calm. “If you kill me after I’m bitten, I’ll come back as one of them. The only way I won’t is if my body’s too damaged to reanimate. So don’t try to save me. Just let them finish it. Save yourself.”

The silence in the small room is deafening, broken up only by the sound of your breathing and the wind outside. Is what you asked of Shigaraki really that big of a deal? You’re not asking him to do it himself, just to let nature take its course. “No,” Shigaraki says after a silence so long that you thought he might have fallen asleep. “Fuck that.”

“Shigaraki –”

“I said it’s better to have a team. My team is you.” Shigaraki rolls over next to you, then yanks at your shoulder until you do the same, and you’re nose to nose in the dark. “I don’t abandon my teammates. We’re getting out of here. Tomorrow.”

His eyes are clear, locked on yours. You look away. “You’ve changed your tune.”

“You were the hopeful one all day. It’s my turn,” Shigaraki says. He yawns, turns his head to hide it in his elbow without lifting his hand off your shoulder. “Go to sleep before you get any other dumb ideas.”

There’s no way you’re going to be able to sleep face to face with him. You roll over again, putting your back to him, and shut your eyes, ordering yourself not to open them until morning or until something important happens. And something important does happen – or at least, something that would have felt important this morning, before the end of the world. Some stretch of time later, Shigaraki’s arm falls deliberately over your waist, pulling you back against his chest.

[writerfae]

Meet me at the library

Hello! I'm still not around here atm but it is Henry's birthday and since I abandoned my son for long enough I thought I owe him a little screentime here on tumblr, I hope you enjoy!

Callan made his way to the castle’s library. It’s been a busy day, a draining one. Task after task and duty after duty demanding his undivided attention, with barely any time to breathe in between.

There were quite a few of these days in his life and he had to admit that sometimes they were quite draining. But Callan mastered them anyway – he had to.

He was, after all, a king and no one said being the king was going to be easy. Callan knew that, had always known. Still, he was more than glad that at least for today, he could finally get some rest.

It was later than he expected. The sky was already darkening, only a few last rays of the sinking sun remained.

They reached out, mixing blue with orange, one last gift of light before the sun sunk fully into earth’s warm embrace.

Callan, too, yearned for the embrace of a loved one and so he sped up his steps. Him and Henry had agreed to meet at the library after Callan was done with his duties.

His love had to wait for him longer than usual today, but Callan knew Henry wouldn’t resent him for it.

He understood Callan’s responsibility as king and he had the patience of a Dha’ir, both things Callan loved him for.

Thoughts of meeting his beloved had carried Callan through the whole day and now that the time was finally near, he couldn’t be happier.

Finally, he reached the massive wooden doors of the library and pushed them open, stepping into the all too familiar place.

Ever since Callan could think, he had loved the library. Along with the garden, it was his favorite place at the palace.

He couldn’t count the hours, the days he had spent in here, the big shelves full of books that reached up until the ceiling a sight beloved and as familiar to him as his own mind.

Despite its massive size, Callan could walk this place blind, could find his favorite books in the blink of an eye, even without the use of the magical system the library had to offer.

But now he wasn’t looking for his favorite books, but for his favorite person.

He couldn’t see him anywhere, not by the fireplace nor their other favorite corners, but that was no reason for worry.

The place was so big you could easily get lost in it and Henry had the habit of disappearing in the farthest, most unexpected corners of the library when he was caught up in his studies.

It seemed inappropriate for Callan to disturb the peace and quiet of this place by loudly calling his husband’s name, so he chose to just wander through the shelves and search for him in silence, letting the calm atmosphere wash away the stress from the day.

He heard a quiet sound coming from one of the shelves and looked around the corner to see if Henry was the one causing it. It wasn’t him, instead, Callan saw another familiar face.

He stepped forward, making his presence known. “Good evening, Rowan,” he said with a smile.

The librarian, who seemed to have just sorted back books into the shelf, jumped a little at the unexpected sound, which made Callan chuckle.

“Oh, uh, your majesty,” Rowan bowed quickly, a little flustered, one of the books still in hand.

Callan had told them countless times before to drop the formalities, since they have known each other for so many years he considered the slightly clumsy but lovable librarian to be a good friend, but he assumed they haven’t grown used to it yet, so he accepted the courtesy without a comment.

The librarian adjusted their round glasses that had slipped from their nose a little and pressed the book they were holding close to their chest, a clear sign of their shyness around him – or any people, for that matter.

Because Callan knew that Rowan was a pretty timid soul that preferred the company of books over that of people most of the time. They seemed to like both him and Henry though.

“How…” They cleared their throat. “How may I help you, your majesty?”

“Did you by any chance see my husband around here? We’ve agreed to meet up at the library, but I haven’t found him in any of our usual spots,” Callan asked.

“Oh!” Rowan exclaimed, face lighting up.

If it was because of the mention of Henry, who Callan had learned was someone Rowan admired a lot, or the implication that they were set up on a date (Rowan was a hopeless romantic at heart), Callan couldn’t tell.  

“Henry- I mean, uh, his highness was sitting by the poetry section, last time I saw him. Nose buried deep in an old book, blind to the world outside of it, like it is his habit.”

They smiled and Callan did as well. Yes, that sounded just like Henry.

He bowed his head. “Then that’s where I will find him still, knowing him. I thank you, Rowan.”

A blush crept up the librarian’s cheeks again and they nodded.

They bowed again and then, considering themself dismissed, turned back to the bookshelf, huffing a little breath of relief, probably because the conversation was over.

Callan knew not to take it personal, aware of the intimidating effect his title had on the librarian and made his way to finally meet his lover.

He found Henry exactly where Rowan had last seen him, sitting in a big moss-green armchair, reading in a book with a thick leather binding in the same color as the chair he was sitting in.

Callan stopped in his tracks to just look at his beloved. Henry was fully focused on the book in his hands, brows slightly furrowed with concentration and raven hair a little messy.

No doubt from absentmindedly running a hand through it, a habit of his when he was pondering over a book.

On the small table next to him sat a stack of even more books.

He must’ve been there for quite a while and despite knowing that Henry didn’t mind waiting for Callan to finish his duties, he felt a little bad about making him wait that long still.

As if sensing his presence, Henry looked up from the book the second Callan stepped closer and a smile spread on his face.

“Hey,” he said, carefully putting the book aside and reaching for Callan’s hand. “There you are.”

He pressed his lips against Callan’s knuckles and that small gesture alone made even the rest of Callan’s inner exertion melt away.

The warmth of his hand and the feeling of his lips against Callan’s skin was so familiar, so calming, that he started to forget all the stress of the day.

Callan sighed, content, and following the light tug of Henry’s hand he let himself be pulled into the other’s lap.

“Here I am,” Callan confirmed quietly, leaning against Henry and burying his face in the crook of his neck, his beloved’s scent and warmth immediately making him relax, curving even more into the all too familiar body under him.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

Henry hummed. “It’s not like it is your fault, my love.”

He ran a hand through Callan’s hair.

“And you are here now, that’s all that matters,” he added, voice soft. He turned his head and kissed Callan’s temple.

Which was nice, but not nearly enough for Callan. He hadn’t seen his husband all day, had missed him every second they were apart.

Just like he always did.

Judging by the way Henry held him close, he probably felt much the same.

And so, Callan lifted his head and leaned up to kiss Henry properly. Henry smiled into the kiss, cupping Callan’s cheek to bring them even closer.

After what felt like both an eternity and only a few seconds, they pulled apart. Henry’s hand remained where it was, thumb gently caressing Callan’s cheek.

“You look tired,” he noted, a frown tugging at his handsome face. “Was it a rough day?”

Callan sighed. He didn’t want to ruin their time together with tiring stories of an equally tiring day, but at the same time he yearned to get all of today’s worries out of his chest.

“Tell me, love,” Henry said gently, sensing Callan’s struggle.

And so, he did. Leaning his head against Henry’s shoulder, tugged into his warm embrace like he had craved it all day, he told him about his day.

About meeting after meeting and discussion after discussion, with no time for a proper break and an never ending stream of requests and questions and debates.

With every word he spoke he could feel his heart grow lighter and he once again was thankful that Henry was such a good listener.

He let Callan ramble and complain to his heart’s content, offering little nods and affirmations and comments here and there, while caressing Callan’s back the whole time. It was exactly what Callan had needed.

And of course, Henry had known that. He always knew the right thing to say, the right thing to do to help Callan out.

And by the goddesses, by the trees and the light and all else divine, Callan loved it, loved him.

“Thank you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Henry’s jaw.

Henry looked down to him, smiling. “No need to thank me. We made a promise, remember? Joy and sorrow, dream and burden…”

“All this I will share with you.” Callan smiled.

How could he ever forget? Those were their wedding vows after all.

He kissed Henry again, short and sweet and grinned as Henry chased after him briefly when they parted.

“And you?” he asked, hooking his arms around Henry’s neck. “How was your day?”

“It was good.”

Now it was Callan who listened to Henry talk, looking at him full of fondness as he told about the guard meeting, his training with Valentin and his research at the library.

Henry was a scholar at heart. He loved to learn new things. About their culture, their history, their origin.

As someone who had spent the majority of his life believing that his very own people were… not exactly a myth, but something that was as unreachable as one, Henry had a lot to catch up on.

And that he did.

With a passion and a hunger for knowledge, with wits and such impressive memory that there was no doubt that he belonged to the court of wisdom.

Callan was extremely proud of him.

Currently, Henry was researching Tean Trea, the ancient language. A majority of it was lost to their people by now, but some words still lingered.

“I found this book.” Henry reached over to the table, grabbing the book with the green binding he had been reading when Callan found him and offered it to Callan.

The binding felt soft under his hands as he traced the golden letters that were printed on the cover. The title was written in the ancient language, the words unknown to Callan.

“It’s an anthology of poems,” Henry explained excitedly. “Poems in the old language. I’ve been trying to read them all day.”

Callan opened the book. It didn’t have magic woven into it like other books in their library, but the poems were written in golden ink that shimmered so brightly Callan was almost sure they would glow in the dark of night.

The paper was old, the pages a little greenish at the edges.

“This must be pretty old,” Callan shared his observation.

He flipped through the pages and though he couldn’t understand most of the written words, the beauty of this book captivated him.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I knew you’d like it. It is full of love poems.” Henry smiled at him. “It made me think of you, reading some of these poems.”

Callan looked at Henry in surprise. “You were able to read them?”

Callan himself knew a couple of ancient words too, mostly from prayers and rituals, but he couldn’t find a single poem on these pages that he was able to fully understand.

“Some of them, yeah. There are ones that were quite simple.” Henry’s smile grew.

He reached out to open a certain page for Callan to look at. “This one is one of my favorites.”

Callan examined the poem. Henry was right, it did seem easier to understand, some of the words all too familiar to him. And though he couldn’t understand all of it, he could definitely tell that it was a poem that spoke of love.

Especially when he saw the last line.

„Ni ma ahnra, ni ma criah,“ he read aloud. “Ni ma ghri’an, gheal, ghir’nan.“

He looked up at Henry, who looked at him in the way that never failed to get Callan flustered. “That’s beautiful.”

A smile tugged at Henry’s lips as he leaned closer to Callan, cupping his face with his hands. Callan blushed even harder.

“You are my soul, you are my heart” Henry began to recite, voice so quiet Callan wouldn’t have heard him if they weren’t so close.

“You are my sun,” he kissed Callan’s cheek.

“My moon,” his other cheek as well. And lastly…

“My stars,” Henry whispered against Callan’s lips before closing even the last bit of distance between them.

Callan was sure his heart would jump out of his chest at any given second. “I love you,” he whispered into the kiss. “By the goddesses, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, ma criah.”

And just like that, all troubles of his day were completely forgotten, his exhaustion replaced with other, far more pleasant feelings, his mind filled with nothing but thoughts of his beloved.  

***

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[lambouillet]

LAST UPDATED ON: january/25/2025

─⪼ Hi I'm FIORE !

they/them ☦ Young Adult ☦ artist, worldbuilder and maybe game concept artist : ^ )

🖍️ Art Gallery ─ ✏️ Doodles

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📭Asks are always welcomed! I like to take my time crafting a response though so I may not respond as quick as others.

I have a terrible habit of rewording/rewriting my posts often so if some things sound a tad different than what youve initially read thats most likely the culprit 💔

⚠️ DISCLAIMER/BYF: I have a spiritual, folk catholic, faith healer background that i use heavily to influence my work. As such, most of what I make is going to be inspired from anecdotes of my life that I might share when I feel appropriate!

I unfortunately can't realistically tag all of my posts with trigger warnings but the ones that you'll have to look out for and that'll appear often (but aren't necessarily explicit) are: Gore, Religious imagery, Religious abuse, Decapitation, Child death, Animal death, Suicide, Body horror, pregnancy horror(implied), self harm, and nudity.

Pr0sh1p/T3rfs DNI. And anyone neutral.

Extra FAQ under the read more ↓ check out my friend MTSODIE : )

FAQ:

Asks & dms

📫 ASKBOX

As mentioned above, all is welcomed, HOWEVER, I'd appreciate if you extend some of your courtesy to me and do not send me anything that's along the lines of being sexually charged. Suggestive jokes are fine, but that does not warrant that I'll be over the moon with descriptive inappropriate asks. Alright? mind yourself. If you would be uncomfortable sending it to a teenager or a stranger than you probably shouldn't send it in.

Don't send me personal discourse. If you have a problem with another user It should be dealt with privately. In no way am I ever going to be in a position where I can give you an answer for this. Remember, I am just a random guy, on the web!

related but slightly unrelated, I will block people freely, whether you've done the above or not, that's just how I like to curate what I see and I do it very often. It's not personal don't take it as such

Otherwise, everything else is free reign (unless I say so) go nuts, insane even.

📨DMS

Anyone can dm! askbox rules still apply. Can't guarantee that I'll reply back if the conversation starts with just a "Hi" or "How are you" though. I'd really only prefer you message me if there's something to tell or I've done something to elicit you to do so.

General

💬Do you like Narilamb

outside of very few instances, not really ( said without disdain or dislike )

💬Where does your username come from

Its Rambouillet with "Lamb" instead of Ram : )

💬 what's your lamb's name/pronouns/gender/etc

They don't have one! they dont deserve one, they don't deserve anything. They/them nonbinary androgynous. I'm fond of the name Lambert but I will only use it as a tag for organisational reasons.

ART RELATED

🎁Can I make Fanart/Fanfics of your au/ocs?

Ofcourse! Absolutely! You don't even need to ask! Only thing I'll ask of you though is for you to tag me in them so I can see them... These will always guarantee a smile on my face.

🎭can I use your art as a pfp/post it to Pinterest?

I'd rather you not use my art for anything unless you've had my permission or its art I made for you! Definitely don't post it around other places without my knowledge. I don't have any other active socials besides here and probably bluesky under Lambouillet ( that i ought to post more on, weh )

🎨🖌️Program and brushes

I use Clip studio paint for most of my art and Aseprite every once in a while.

I change what I use sporadically so I can't give you a proper answer on EVERY brush I use but here are my frequent ones:

Shockgrunge Marker and Pencil

Kasuy MK sploon

Tacodemuerte Mrsplotchy

Scribbly Dark

Jarijari

Bathylychnops Brushes

Intoxicate set

🚩 Where'd you get the borders from?

I made them! Part1

Wip Master post and useful visualiser for anyones whos read this far ♥️ muah

[caratheewriter]

Purely Platonic ~ Harry Collett x poc! non-binary! reader

THIS MANNNNN! If only we were seahorses…

Synopsis: You and Harry are co-stars in an upcoming film called ‘Swords & Spirits’. Due to your close nature, everyone wants to know if there’s romance in the air. (I gave the characters their own names because it would hard for me to keep track otherwise)

Rating: M

Warning(s): swearing, one sexual remark

Word Count: 668

Y/n L/n and Harry Collett answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions | WIRED

“Hi, I’m Harry Collett.”

“I’m Y/n L/n."

"And this is the WIRED Autocomplete Interview!"

The staff handed Harry a board that was done up to look like google.

"Ok! Here we go. Is Y/n L/n married?"

You giggle at the question, "Damn. I knew that was gonna be a question."

Harry looked at you and then down at the board, confused. "Why is that a question?"

"I'm about to answer that. Ok, I am not married. I just wear a ring on my ring finger because I am very much a rebel. One time during a get together with my family when I was 16, I believe, my aunt had told me to switch my ring onto my middle finger because I wasn't married. I had thought about it a bit after she said that and I realized that I didn't give a fuck about marriage and I still don't. So, that's why people think I'm married and why I wear a ring on my ring finger."

Harry laughs and grabs your hand to show the camera, "It's a beautiful ring."

"Yep. Straight from the Game Of Thrones x Pandora collection, courtesy of this one right here."

You ruffle his hair.

"Next question. Is Y/n L/n in Bridgerton? Ooh, are you?"

"I.... am not. I'm not in Bridgerton, but I am a big fan of the show. Next question, please."

"Is Y/n L/n and Harry Collett in Swords & Spirits?"

"Yes we are. I play Z Andreas."

"And I play Icarus Kennedy."

"Are Y/n L/n and Harry Collett... dating?"

"Dating someone or just dating?"

"Just dating."

"No. We are not dating. Just friends. I don't believe I can go past that with him."

"Someone needs to snatch you up."

"I don't wanna be snatched up. I wanna be d*cked down."

You wink at Harry, and then at the camera.

"When did Y/n L/n start acting?"

"Earlier this year." You start laughing, "Literally just this yearrrr!"

"In what?"

"Doctor Who."

"Oh yeah. I think that's the only reason I watch now."

"Awww, Harry! So sweet. Sweet boy."

"Next question! Who did Y/n L/n play in Doctor Who?"

"I played and still play Jenny Smith aka the Doctor's daughter. Georgia Tennant, I fucking love you. Tell your son to stop calling me during interviews."

You pull your phone out of your pocket to show that Ty was calling you.

"Decline."

"That's all of them. Do I just put it down or...?"

"I've seen these videos. They throw it."

Harry throws the board on the ground.

"Next one please."

The staff hands you the board this time.

"Is Harry Collett. Is Harry Collett... Jacaerys Velaryon?"

"Yes. I play Jacaerys Velaryon in House of the Dragon. Watch it on HBO Max."

"The rightful heir. The future king. Handsome boy."

"Thank you. Thank you for your gracious praise."

"Is Harry Collett. Is Harry Collett... engaged to Y/n L/n? Oh my god!"

"No. Unfortunately, I am not engaged to the amazing Y/n L/n. Although, they are a catch. Why are people searching for this?"

"You know what, I think it's because I visited you a lot during filming. I remember I saw this tweet, I think, on my way to Spain. You were filming for House of the Dragon. I saw it and it said "Harry is such a d-tier fiancé cause Y/n wears their ring all the time in Doctor Who and we never see Harry's ring." I laughed for like 2 minutes straight."

"Yeah, you sent me that. I read the, like, the replies to it and one was like umm, "maybe because they aren't [redacted] married, you delusional [redacted]. Stop, you do this all the [redacted] time." I laughed, admittedly."

"Damnnn."

"Right? Overall, Y/n L/n is an amazing person. They are funny, smart, talented, all of the above but, what we have is just friendship, purely platonic."

"Yes, purely platonic."

fin.

love this man from ♾️ to ♾️!!!!!

[malereader-inserts]

Sic Mundus Creatus Est

Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Remus Lupin & Son!Reader | Harry Potter x Male!Reader Summary: sic mundus creatus est - thus the world was created Word Count: 10,884 A/n: Kinda a reimagining of "broken crown"!reader but in a one-shot :) This is a long one tbh

You knew from a young age that you were a special case of magic. Knowing early on that you were a descendant of Merlin, from the courtesy of Dumbledore. No one really knew if there was anyone of Merlin's blood, many thought he never had children and his line died with him, but that was very untrue.

When you were five, Dumbledore started arriving at your doorstep. Every first day of the month, he would visit the family home and your mother would always be there to greet him. From a young age, you knew you bore the powers and responsibility of Merlin - to explore the world and finish any of his unfinished businesses.

You were advanced for your age and when you entered Hogwarts, you excelled in third-year content, however, at the request of your mother, you were to be kept in the same year and not skip years to avoid questions - especially with the threat of the dark lord looming above everyone. Your dad had no idea about your true nature, your reason for life, he was kept in the dark about everything.

It was easy to keep things away, your father never liked to stay in one place and your parents weren't married. He would often come to stay during the holidays so he could be a part of your life. In your first year, you made friends with the trio, being a part of Harry's adventure whilst living your own.

During the first year, you unlocked Merlin's cursed vaults. Well, at least three of them - out of the six. You were the only one who could access it and had the brain to unlock it. During the second year, you opened the last three, and from that moment Dumbledore knew you were a formidable wizard.

That was when Hermione, Harry and Ron found out you were Merlin's descendant, destine to finish his work. They were, at first, wary about it - they didn't know if you were just joking but when you started to reveal little things about the curse vault rumours and your magic spells that were definitely not going to be in the curriculum.

"That's bloody brilliant," Ron excitedly praised you, "Do you think you could teach us that stuff?"

You shrugged your shoulders, "It's pretty advanced stuff, Ron..." You trailed off, scratching the back of your head, "But, you three have to promise me that you won't tell anyone about it. Not unless, it comes from me, got it?"

"But-"

"Potter! No!"

At the end of summer, your mother was killed in an attack. It was unknown who did it and many, especially Dumbledore, suspect it was the death eaters who managed to avoid jail. Dumbledore wanted to keep you safe, you were stronger and smarter than most wizards and you were just thirteen.

When you got on the train to Hogwarts, you weren't expecting your dad to be on there as well. When he expelled the dementors, he gives you a wink - which made you smile.

"He seems like a nice professor," Hermione commented as Remus closes the door, there was silence in the carriage as Harry recompose himself.

"Hey, (Y/n), what's your plan?" Ron asked finally as Hermione smacks him, "Ow! I'm only asking!"

"Something tragically happens to one of our best friends and you immediately ask him about it? It only happened last week!" Hermione scowled as Harry looked at you inquisitively, of course, Harry was left in the dark about it - even meeting the Weasley and Hermione at the Leaky Cauldron.

"My mum was killed last week, Harry," You softly say, looking outside to take in the view, "They say it's...you know who's people, but we- I mean I couldn't care less."

"I'm sorry, (Y/n)," Harry replied as your other two friends silently give you looks of encouragement, "What about your dad?"

"Dad doesn't know yet, I haven't had the chance to tell him, really, he seems to be a bit preoccupied with being the new defence the dark arts professor."

"That's your dad?" Hermione screeches, you didn't know whether out of excitement or surprise, "Why didn't you say something?"

You shrugged your shoulders, "Just a lot on my mind," You hummed, watching Hermione regret her words, "It's fine, honestly, I'll be fine."

"You watch your own mother die," Harry emphasised as Remus opens the carriage door, "You don't have to pretend to be fine."

Remus cleared his throat, his eyes sharply on you as you look like you wanted the floor to swallow you whole.

"Nice one, Potter," You muttered, as Harry sheepishly smiled at you, "Hi dad... I guess we have a lot to catch up on..."

Yet, even with Remus in the castle. You and Dumbledore had agreed not to inform him about your heritage, only a few knew and you know that Remus would not take it lightly in the future.

After your mother's death, you stayed with your dad or the Weasley over the holidays. You had become closer to your dad, which was to be expected. You were thrilled that Remus was more active in your life, but you felt bad. You knew of Remus' condition since you could remember and you felt terrible keeping secrets away from him. How he would often see you leaving Dumbledore's office, and he wanted to ask badly but he didn't want to overstep the line.

As months went by, you were extremely close with your dad. It was almost as if he had been in your life from the beginning. After the Tri-wizard tournament, you had arguments with Dumbledore.

"You don't look happy," Harry commented, you sighed, flopping on your bed, "What did Dumbledore want?"

"I can't say, Harry," You apologise profusely, before burying your head into the pillow, "All in due time, you trust me right, Potter?"

You didn't want to unload onto Harry about the arguments with Dumbledore, especially after the fact that Cedric just died. But, truth be told, you knew that everything was going to spill. You knew from the moment Remus told you that you would be living in the Orders' base.

You were there gathered by the members and the children, upon their first meeting. They explained what they are and the children weren't allowed in these meetings and cannot ask any questions. But, as Dumbledore dismissed the kids to go back to their rooms in Grimmauld Place, he asked you to stay.

"I would like a moment with (Y/n) if you would please."

You shot your dad a "help me" look, but you know he couldn't. He gives you a reassuring smile, whilst your uncle Sirius gives you the thumbs up of encouragement. You turn to look at your headmaster, sighing as you prepare yourself for an argument.

"I think we both know it's the time," Dumbledore started as you rolled your eyes, "People will find out in due time but I think it's time to show your dad and the Order the true you."

"Is that all I am to you?" You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest, "You are really despicable," Looking at your headmaster with such distaste, "I'm not a soldier, you know that?"

"But, you can help to the cause, your strength and your knowledge can help us protect Harry, is that not what you wanted?"

You wanted to sneer at your headmaster, using Harry as an excuse, knowing full well the two of you were in a relationship with each other was just low. You've had this talk more times than you'd liked.

"Don't you dare use Harry against me," You shouted at Dumbledore, who sat down as you were standing, "I'm not some, some-"

Remus from the kitchen could hear your voice, loud but incoherent. The adults shared a look, they had quietened down upon hearing your voice, before they were having conversations to distract them from thinking about this meeting.

"I wonder what that's about," Sirius mumbled, as Remus nodded, his eyes staying on the door that had you and Dumbledore behind it, "It doesn't sound fun at all."

The door slams open with Dumbledore entering first and then you behind, looking furious. The order stood up abruptly at the presence of Dumbledore, but you looked like you weren't done shouting at him.

"Are you mad?" You shouted, Remus grabs your shoulder to stop you from lunging at Dumbledore, Sirius on your other shoulder, sensing hostility.

"You agreed, Mr Lupin."

"Yeah! When I was bloody nine and I didn't know any better, but, now...I refuse," You exclaimed, shoving your father and uncle off you as if they weren't strong enough to hold you back, "I'm not some pawn in your game, I could die!"

Dumbledore looks at you, the adults were afraid to talk as they looked at each other before their attention settled back on the fuming fifteen-year-old. You huff, throwing your hands up in the air and you splutter incoherent words.

But, somehow you managed to calm down. You run your hand through your hair. Your mind was racing and the only thing that was calming you down was the comforting hand of your dad.

"He will want you, and he won't stop until he does. He will want you just as much as Harry," Dumbledore explained, but the older members still didn't understand, "You must promise me that you will not go to the dark lord's side."

"But, you want me to be your spy? Isn't it obvious?" You asked, there was a bitter tone within your voice.

"I'm sorry, but what?" Remus cuts in, almost offended to not be in this plan, "Not my son, Dumbledore."

"I'm terribly sorry, Remus, but what must be done should be done."

"He's just a boy!" Molly and McGonagall cried out, even Snape was surprised at this new information, looking at this great wizard as if he went mad.

"Even, I think this is all mad, Dumbledore," Alastor chided as you were thinking about your options.

You finally sighed in defeat, sinking down on a chair as the adults argue about you. You hadn't seen your dad so riled up before, it was a first to see his anger. His anger to protect you, but deep down, you know no one was ever going to be strong enough to protect you.

You looked around and see the people that Harry cared about so dearly, sacrificing themselves to make sure he will not be touched by the dark lord. Looking down at your hands, knowing full well you're going to be the one protecting Harry's loved one.

"I'll do it," you softly say, the words barely escaping your lips as they adults stop their shouting to look at you.

"No, I won't allow this," Remus declared, you smile at him, though he could tell that you were defeated by this topic, "You're my son, none of the kids are allowed to help so why should you? You're no better at defending yourself as the next kid in this house!"

"I'm sorry, dad," you apologise, your eyes softening as you gaze upon him, "Dumbledore is right, once everyone knows who I am... it's only a matter of time."

"What are you on about?" Sirius asked, confused as you look up to your headmaster.

He slowly nodded to you, "(Y/n) will be joining our Order meetings, as much as you do not like nor accept it he is an important asset."

"Your plan is to get him killed!" Molly exclaimed, she was a mother first before being a soldier for Dumbledore, "I will not have any children-"

"The daily prophet will get headline news about me, and from there Voldemort will try to recruit me," You continued from Dumbledore, watching the adults look upon you with interest, "After all, if he's able to get Merlin's descendant on his side, he'll be invincible."

"Merlin's beard," Arthur breathes out in awe, "I've heard rumours that Merlin's back, I- I wouldn't have thought- how, why?"

Remus slumps down in the empty chair next to him, adjacent to you. He was speechless as you looked at him with worry.

You didn't want your dad to think ill of you. But, you know he has every right to be angry. You had lied and kept this secret away from him and now you're announcing a suicide mission. It was all too much for him, he couldn't even look you in the eyes.

"Look, I don't know much about why or how Merlin gave me his knowledge and powers, but," You hesitated, unable to find words, "I want to help out as much as I can, even if nine-year-old me didn't know what you fully meant."

The first meeting was primarily awkward and silent. You explained your whole life story to them, how you have bestowed Merlin. Whilst they understand that you can be terrifying in your own way, all they can see is a boy. A terrified boy.

Remus didn't look at you for a week, he didn't speak to you for two. Your heart was breaking, and you cried yourself almost every night. The news of you spread like wildfire, just as you expected. You don't know how Dumbledore got the information out, but there was no backing out now.

Remus finally mustered up the courage to talk to you, after Sirius knocked some sense into him that he couldn't and shouldn't abandon his child when you need him most. He finds himself alone in the drawing room, reading a book as the piano plays softly in the background. Remus takes in the scene, surprised that you somehow enchanted the piano to play.

"Ministry is dumb, you know," you say, your eyes never leaving the page of your book, "They can only detect wand magic for people under the trace, nothing is said about wandless or wordless spells."

"Impressive," Remus replied truthfully before coming towards you. You looked heavily invested in your book, though when he stands behind you, all he can see is a blank page.

"Merlin's code, a spell he made to see all his other works. A precaution to prevent his work from falling into the wrong hands," You explained, you were avoiding the subject, both of you knew it, but both of you didn't know how to approach the subject, "I heard about Harry..."

"Yes, the order is planning a rescue mission."

"I assume you'll be going?" Finally looking up over to him as he nods, you sighed, knowing that you weren't going to stop him, "At least I'll know both you and he will be back safely."

"Actually, they want you to come along," Remus says as you raised an eyebrow, "Mad-eye wants to know your whole, um, you know, powers."

You nodded, and there was a beat of silence as you look back down at your book. The room quickly filled with awkward yet hostile silence, you wanted to squirm under your dad's eyes.

"I'm not mad anymore," Remus started, clearing his throat, though you'd do anything to avoid his eyes contact, so he sat down in the seat adjacent to you, "I'm just worried that's all, and I have every right to be, (y/n), you're my son, my boy."

"You think I want to be dragged into this?" You finally asked, slamming your book closed, "I don't really have a choice in this."

"I know," Remus says tentatively, placing a gentle hand upon your shoulder, as you gaze into his soft eyes, "I'm just terrified for you."

After a while, you were dismissed from the recuse mission with many order members voting against you. You sighed in relief, as the meeting continued. Every time you would leave the meeting, the children would surround you asking about it.

"Guys! I can't say," You exclaimed, lying back in your bed.

"It's worth the shot," Fred says as George smirks, you rolled your eyes as all of you went downstairs for tea.

You watched the children happily talk to other Order members and not ask about the whole meeting. You found yourself playing with your food, not feeling hungry. You abruptly stand up and leave the table, some people watching you leave. You were barely seen for the rest of the week, only reappearing when you went to bid your dad good luck.

You couldn't even say hello to Harry upon arrival, as Dumbledore was starting the meeting. Most of the time, you're quiet during the meetings - you had no other contributions to the meeting, so you didn't want to say anything in a place that you're not invited to. Usually, you're squished between Remus and Sirius, almost as if they had an unspoken protection pact over you.

As the meeting concluded, you could hear loud noises in the hallway You went up and investigated to see Harry and the rest, who had disturbed Walburga's portrait. You watch on as Sirius and Remus was attempting to pull the curtains, you move over and placed your hand upon the portrait.

Soon, enough her voice dies down, and everyone watched in amazement to see her moving and attempting to talk - however, no noise was coming out.

"Couldn't have done that sooner?" Hermione chastise as you rolled your eyes.

"Hello Harry," Sirius composes himself, "I see you’ve met my mother."

The reunion was more bitter than you liked. You couldn't really give your boyfriend a loving welcome, especially since the fire in his eyes wasn't dying down. He was getting riled up that he couldn't join the Order, you even shouted at him whilst Sirius and Molly were bickering.

After his hearing, Harry started to be open with you. Most of the days, you spent yourself in isolation, reading mostly. Oftentimes, you would be joined by Hermione or even Remus. But, as Harry was once starting to warm up to you, the pair of you were found screaming at each other. Remus grabs you whilst Sirius grabs Harry.

"What's going on, boys?" Molly asked, sweetly, it seems like you created a crowd, "You two haven't-"

"Broken up?" You replied, sneering at Harry, who looked like he wanted to fight you, "Oh, dear sweetheart - what are we?"

Your tone had enraged Harry so much, he managed to wriggle out of Sirius' hold and landed a right hook right in the cheek. Soon enough, you managed to get out of your dad's hold and retaliated. It took about five minutes to rip the two of you away.

Harry managed to land better with his hands, a part of you inside knew that Harry had the right to be angry and it's why you didn't fight as much. You swat your dad's hands away, fixing your clothes as Harry stops fighting against the twins.

"Tell them," Harry spat, your eyes hardening as you felt two pairs of hands holding you back once again, "Go on tell them!"

You say nothing.

"Fine, I'll tell them! (Y/n) did the unbreakable vow!" Harry announced as eyes all fall on you, "With Dumbledore."

"When?" Remus says, using one of his hands that were gripping your wrist to cup your cheeks tightly and make you look at him. Remus looked furious with you, "WHEN?"

"Last day of Hogwarts," You spat, pain stretching from your cheeks at your dad's tight grip.

"Have you gone mad?" Molly roared at you as you finally stop your struggle, you felt Sirius' hands loosen and then completely disappear. But Remus still had a grip on you, "A death sentence!"

"A few weeks ago you were shouting at Dumbledore that whatever you two had planned was a suicide mission!" Sirius exclaimed behind you, "Unless you two have been planning this for weeks?"

"Tell me what was said," Remus demands from you, but your hardened gaze does not drop.

"Fuck you," You spat, headbutting your dad as you ran up to one of the bedrooms. Locking yourself from the rest of the house, panting in relief as you weren't able to be caught by other household members.

The last few days leading up to the return of school, were fairly quiet, not that you liked it. But, you had the oath to uphold. Dumbledore was quickly informed about you, and whenever Order meetings occurred, before he leaves - he would come to your door. You would unlock it and lock it behind Dumbledore, and no one knew what the two of you were saying.

The first two days, since you locked yourself, you did not come out of the room. Molly would knock on the door and leave quickly, and every time she would leave a tray of food for you. The first meal, you didn't touch, but as the day progressed, you were eating little by little. By the third day, Molly found herself an empty tray in front of the locked bedroom.

"He's eating at least," Molly reassured Remus.

Remus was not doing good, after his initial anger, it turn to worry. His anger lasted a bit too long for Remus' liking, but he had every right to be. He knew that you knew that as well, but as a dad, he couldn't help but think about what you were up to on the other side of the door. Molly has tried to cheer him up, that it was just usual teenage angst and it was just a phase.

But, everyone knows that it wasn't just teenage angst. Remus had found himself knocking on the door, attempting to reconcile with you. Though, there was nothing back. Harry started to feel guilty, in fact, he didn't know whether you two had broken up, especially after the fight. He, too, found himself trying to talk to you from behind the door.

"I love you," You could hear him say, but you rolled your eyes.

You finally emerged when it was time to get to King's Cross. Everyone was downstairs, chatting loudly as you stood at the top of the stairs. Mad-eye looked around, hoping for someone to show up.

"Sturgis isn't here yet!"

It was chaotic as hell, as you slowly descend the stairs before Fred and George wrapped their arms over your shoulder.

"It's alright, (Y/n) is here!" Fred bellowed loudly as you sighed, eyes landing on you - you really had to get used to this.

"And (Y/n) makes up three people in the Order," George cheekily continued as you rolled your eyes.

"I guess it'll do," Moody nodded, before delegating which child goes with what Order member.

You managed to escape being paired with Harry or being with your dad as you travel with Moody, there wasn't much talk between the two of you and you two were the first to arrive. You had twenty minutes before the trains leave as you see one by one the group appearing.

"Congrats on prefects," You say to Hermione and Ron, they looked at you before smiling back at you.

Hermione jumped on you, engulfing you in a hug, "I've missed you."

"I haven't-"

"Shut up," Hermione says, as you looked at her confusingly, before accepting her hug knowing she won't let go of you, "You're a bumbling idiot, honestly!"

"It's been quiet without you," Ron admitted as Hermione got immersed in a conversation with Ginny, "Harry was a bit moody."

"Then, you wouldn't have enjoyed my presence."

A bell was sounded, calling for the last ten minutes before the train leaves. You watch the Weasleys say goodbye to their parents as you looked a bit lost. You turned away and were faced by your dad, he looked at you, with soft eyes - understanding. You couldn't help but crash into him for a hug.

"I'm sorry," You mumbled into his chest as you hugged him tightly, he hugged back just as tight, "I'm a terrible son!"

"No," Remus reassured you, rubbing your back, he knows you're almost in tears, "You're not a terrible son."

He pulls out of the hug, hands on your shoulders - gentle yet firm. He looks into your eyes, which were threatening to spill tears.

"I have to accept there are things that cannot be said. I hope one day, you'll be able to tell me everything. I trust your judgement, okay?" You shakily nod as he places a kiss upon your head of hair, "Now get onto the train before you miss it."

Fifth year for you was a rollercoaster for you. Harry and you made up, but put a pause on the relationship. It broke the two of you but it was for the best. Though, Harry was getting suspicious by the day, your personal mission was to keep an eye on Draco and track down his family. It was easy, unfortunately.

As the next coming of Merlin, you were already sending letters back and forth with the Malfoys, attempting to recruit you to their side. You got details and were reporting them to Dumbledore, you knew that this was the easy part of your mission. You were in for a long run. But, nevertheless, you were always by Harry's side, lover or not. You assist him in teaching the newly founded group known as Dumbledore's Army. The group always were in awe at your advanced magic. You were practically ready to graduate.

You armed your friends with attack and defence spells, basic ones at least. You knew that they weren't ready for other spells. Despite suspicions that you were going to the dark side, that did not stop Umbridge from giving you detention - mostly because of your dad.

You defended your dad at any given moment, Hermione had to talk you out of fighting Umbridge once and even Ron suggested trying and not talking to her. Remus was updated about it by letters from Harry, Remus was touched but was horrified about the abuse.

"I'm telling you, Potter, it's a bad idea, don't you have the mirror?"

Harry was determined that Sirius was held captive, and despite your protest, you followed him. You didn't expect yourself to be defending your friends in the ministry. At this point, all your friends were injured, and you used your wandless magic to move them from harm's way.

Harry had your back, not much he could do to defend you, but you were holding yourself quite nicely. You watched as Neville drops the prophecy and Harry reassured him it was fine, that he needed to move Neville out of the fight. Soon enough, you see a wisp of white, watching Order members apparate in and quickly fight back.

You watch as Bellatrix's eyes widen at the sight of her cousin. Before she could muster any words, you blasted a spell her way, as you cause a push of wind towards Sirius into Harry.

"Dumbledore!" Neville shouted his presence.

But you paid no attention as you make a break for it with Bellatrix hot on your heels, casting spells upon the chase, whilst you fire back.

"(Y/n)!" Harry exclaimed following closely behind.

"Neville, where's the rest of you guys?" Remus asked, itching to follow his son as well, but he saw Dumbledore race as well after the three of you.

Neville pointed to the rest of the gang, protected by your dome of a shield. Though the magic was still holding up, Sirius helps Moody and Tonks before standing with the rest of the group.

"This shield," Kingsley commented, poking it with his wand, "Strong despite distance and his multitasking."

"I guess we found out his power, Moody," Sirius says, "Bloody powerful, no wonder Dumbledore wants him fighting."

"He shouldn't be," Remus hissed, failing an encantation to release the rest of the kids from the shielf dome, "He's still a kid."

"Sixteen and able to take on about ten death eaters at once," Sirius pointed out, placing a hand on his best friend's shoulder, "I think we both know he saved my life there."

Suddenly, the shield disappears, and the children release but injured. Suddenly, the scratches and spells they'd taken had started to reverse.

"(Y/n), he's healing us," Hermione cries out before scrambling up, "we have to find them!"

Quickly, the group moved to find the rest of the battle. Upon scene, they see Harry on the floor with Dumbledore by his side, Voldemort looming over Harry. On the other side, there was a limp body, guarded by Bellatrix. When Voldemort realised there was a crowd forming he apparates away with Bellatrix.

Some were quick to run to Dumbledore and Harry, but others ran to you. Remus' heart slowly breaks upon your state, he hastily finds a pulse on you, sighing in relief when he finds one.

"He's alive."

You spent days in the hospital, recovering, which meant you weren't in a state of consciousness. Remus stayed by your side as much as he could, Sirius was there if Remus wasn't, thanking you each time for saving his life. Harry found himself by your side if no one was by your side. He wished you woke up soon, all he felt was guilt that you almost died.

When you wake up, you're alone. Madam Pomfrey was quick to alert people who would be interested in you. The first to see you were Harry, Hermione and Ron, who were all ecstatic to see you awake.

"Are you okay, Harry?" You asked, eyes comforting to Harry. Harry just hugs you instead, you were taken aback at the sudden affection, "Oh, Potter, you're not going soft are you now?"

He managed to laugh as Ginny, Luna and Neville greeted you, apologising to you for burdening you in protecting them. You waved them off with your bandaged hand. Soon, Remus and Sirius appeared, with Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall right behind them.

"You gave us a right scare, Mr Lupin!" Dumbledore says, you could only give him a sarcastic look back. Remus was quick to be by your side again.

Pulling you into a side hug and kissing your hair, "Thank god you're okay."

"We thought you died!" Sirius says dramatically, before looking serious for a second, "I know you're terrifyingly strong and that, but don't be testing death like that."

"Oh, Sirius," you hummed, tilting your head slightly almost menacingly, "Death can have me when it earns me."

The Order didn't really want to mess with you in the first place, but when you utter those words, shives ran down everyone's spine. What Sirius and Remus caught on is that you weren't staring at Sirius when you spoke of death, in fact, you made eye contact with Dumbledore.

Harry was a lot closer to you after the first battle that had awoken Britain that the Dark Lord returned, you didn't know if it was because you almost died or because you saved one of the few living family he had left. Nevertheless, it was nice to have Harry by your side, though that happiness didn't stay when he realised he couldn't stay with Sirius.

"This is utter-utter..."

"Think the word you're looking for, Potter, is shit. It's utter shit."

Harry rolls his eyes, replying with a snarky tone, "Thanks, (y/n)."

Your summer was eventful, to say the least, you spent some days repairing the relationship with your dad. It was hard, you wanted to tell him everything be he understood that you were bound by a vow. You got a lot closer to Sirius, who enjoyed your company, calling you the miniature version of Remus just a lot cooler. You watched as your dad and Tonks were dancing around each other, you don't really want to touch that topic.

Other times, your days were spent in Order meetings, where your opinion started to become valuable to them. They wanted your input, and your opinions and a part of you were relieved that they accepted teenagers in this group. You filled your summer saying no a lot.

"Can you teach me-?" Hermione started as you give her a pointed look, "Not even like a little bit?"

"Hermione, please indulge me in how I can teach you a bit?" You asked eyebrow raised as Remus stifled a laugh behind his own book, whilst Sirius loudly snorted, "My hands are tied, I cannot."

"It was worth a shot," Hermione grumbled, before patting your head with her own book, "Budge over."

Ron came into the kitchen, with the Twins following, looking excitedly but Ron looked more apprehensive.

"You three better not be nagging (Y/n)!" Molly exclaimed as she begins to cook dinner for everyone, "I'm sure he's sick of all of you."

"They humour me," You answered honestly, you waved Molly off, eyes never leaving the letters on the paper.

"Well, I was just curious, I don't want you to teach me anything, but-"

Your eyebrow raised as you sat up, closing your book slowly. Your attention is fully on Ron, who squirms under your attention. Your mere movements caused everyone to look at the scene before them.

"I heard Melin has his own spells, well, they're yours now. But... I was just wondering what are his- I mean, your most brutal spells, that you've mastered, if you don't mind me asking."

You smirked, leaning back in your seat, "I'm glad you asked, Ron, and I'm going to preface this that I will not be teaching anyone these."

"Not like we can do them in the first place," Fred commented as George nodded.

"You're practically invincible, mate," George finishes, "But, go on, tell us then!"

"Blood bending, granted it's not perfected," You started off, tapping your chin as Hermione's eyes widen, "What?"

"That's what you start on? That you can bend the flow of blood in someone?"

"I said I haven't perfected it!"

"Still!" Hermione exclaimed as you chuckled at her, "You haven't got it mastered, have you?"

"Let's say I hope you're not in the same room as the victim," You replied easily, before quickly adding, "I haven't killed anyone by the way."

The sixth year had seemed to be a rollercoaster, whilst you were eyeing up on Draco - which, he had turned for your help in serving the Dark Lord. It seems like he could only trust him as you had not explicitly said whose side you were on, Voldemort was still eager to recruit you despite the encounter at the end of last year.

"Draco, you know I can't," You replied, leaning against the wall, looking around to see if anyone was listening in, "I'm not going to stoop to your level."

"I rather think you beneath that level, you're still helping me," Draco hissed at you, though you looked unbothered, "Aren't you?"

"And every little plan you've done has failed, I wasn't the one who became a death eater," You taunt as Draco refrains himself from knocking the everliving shit out of you, "But, since I am nice, I'll figure something out."

Draco sighed in relief, "I don't get why you can't just join our side, you fit right in."

You gave him a side eye and replied with a snarky tone, "I sure do."

You watched Hermione and Ron's relationship hit a hard patch, and you cringed at the pining looks. Not that you could say much, You and Harry were still on a pause in the relationship, though every day you two got closer and closer. You knew it was inevitable, but, you had to hold off a little longer.

"I think Draco is a death eater," Harry announced, looking at the men before him, "And I think Snape is helping him."

"I just think Snape is acting for Dumbledore," Arthur says, Remus nodded, chastising Harry from continuing the family prejudice against Snape.

"(Y/n)!" Harry says as you looked over to him, "Do you hate Snape."

"As much as the next person."

"Atta-boy!" Sirius cheered as Remus rolled his eyes.

"Do you think Snape is helping out Draco, Dumbledore is making a mistake?"

"Truth be told, Harry," You say as softly as you can, "I loathe Dumbledore, but you have to admit, the guy barely makes mistake. Snape could be helping Draco, who knows, but I don't think Snape is someone you should scrutinise."

The topic changed quickly, as you find out that Remus had been spending time with the other werewolves. You had to leave the room as you couldn't take the news.

"I knew he would react badly," Remus exhaled, watching you leave the room.

"I mean you reacted badly, remember last summer," Sirius reminded as Remus glared at him, Harry could only snort at the two adults.

As the night was closing in, Harry found you standing by a window. Looking outside, you noticed that Remus, Sirius and the Weasley parents were standing in the doorway, Remus sensing something was off.

"Are you alright?"

Before your eyes, you see a circle of flames lit in the dark night. Your eyes widen at the dark wisps of the death eaters. Your eyes locked in on Fenrir, who you quickly wanted to murder. You dashed down the stairs, pushing past all the adults as you chase after Bellatrix and Fenrir.

"(Y/n)!"

You no longer have the trace on you, so you have no qualms about having another duel.

"Lupin!" Fenrir snarled loudly, you were flickering between directions to find him, and you raced further into the field.

"(Y/n)!" You heard your dad in the distance as Harry comes crashing into you.

He stands on your six, as you started attacking the field, beams of white expelled from your wand, echos of whips of your wand. You held onto Harry's wrist, almost as if to reassure him that you had it under control. Suddenly, you see Arthur, Remus and Sirius joining you two in the fray.

"(Y/n)!" Remus breathes in relief as Sirius does the same with Harry.

The five of you stand on guard as you watch the death eaters start to apparate. Arthur quickly returned to his family, as you watched the Burrow get burnt down.

"Molly, please let me help rebuild, it's partially my fault," you begged the next morning, it was quiet other than your voice.

Molly merely smiled, "Perhaps, after you finish school," but you were not satisfied, as you sink further down in your seat before opening your mouth again, but Molly managed to intercept, "And I will not be accepting any money!"

"Hmph," You say in defeat, as Remus pats you on the shoulder, whilst Sirius snorted into his drink, you stuck your tongue out to him.

"Remus!" Sirius whines, "Your son is being mean!"

"He's your nephew," Remus replied quickly, acknowledging little as he continued to eat his breakfast whilst Sirius tried to splutter out that you were his godson, "He's your problem too."

"I'm not a problem!" You objected as you turn to look at your friends, "Am I?"

"Well..." Harry replied teasingly as you gasped in offence

"You wound me, Potter!"

It seems like you broke the ice as everyone returned to their jolly self, in time for Christmas as well. As the new year came, returning to Hogwarts, you couldn't help but be apprehensive. Draco has been giving you looks upon arrival, and you hadn't had a moment to be alone with him.

"You know, it's never late for you to turn around," You hummed as you accompanied Draco to the Room of Requirements.

Draco scoffs, "It is late."

You let a small noise out, "You could be a spy for the right side."

"How do you know who's on the right and wrong side?"

"Draco," you gently bumped his shoulder, "Think we both know whose the wrong side."

As time went on, you realised that this had been the most normal year for you, which made you feel nervous about the future. Every day you awoke with a sense of dread and couldn't figure it out. But, the puzzle pieces started to fit with each other when you had your last meeting with Dumbledore.

"Hang on, what?" You said in disbelief, standing behind Dumbledore, who stared off into the distance.

"It's for the best."

You groaned, rolling your eyes and running your hand through your hair, "It's always for the best, what if- what if it isn't?"

"That's why he has you."

"So, what, you're just gonna burden Harry with the responsibility? And I'm supposed to what? Guide him? I barely know shite all!"

Dumbledore gives you a stare as you sighed reluctantly. You knew he was right, he has told you more stuff about the cause than he has to Harry, and you've been a spy on Malfoys.

"So, I'm supposed to let you die?" Dumbledore looks at you silently, "Yeah, yeah, it's for the best. So, what do you want me to do?"

"Harry and I will return tonight, if you are correct about Draco allowing the break-in tonight then I need you to patrol the halls of Hogwarts. You must somehow get the message out to professors and the Order."

"Doesn't seem too hard."

"I must express this that no Order member comes here tonight," Dumbledore emphasised, as you huffed before nodding, "I would think you'd be more delighted at this news, it would mean that the vow will break."

"You have a lot of faith in me sticking to cause."

"Well, Mr Lupin, you'd do anything to protect the one you care most," Dumbledore complimented as you softly smile to yourself, "It's an admirable trait of yours."

You were correct, the break-in did happen. You watched as your school turned into a battlefield as you watched Order members and yourself duel against the infiltrators. You watch the fall of Dumbledore.

"Snape killed him," Harry announced as you turn to look away.

Harry explained why Dumbledore trusted Snape, after all this time, as your dad and Sirius almost looked furious. That this was the guy that allowed Snape because he was sorry for James' death.

You knew you couldn't say anything, that you knew that this was planned and why it happened. You shut your mouth as you tried to comfort Harry in the hospital wing. Watching Tonks and your dad has some wild heated discussion.

"You know, everyone deserves love," You mention loudly as Tonks look elated that you backed her up, even Remus had a small smile on his face whilst you looked at Harry, who, in turn, smiled that you referred to a potential rekindling of a relationship.

Hogwarts was chaotic, with professors running about, unsure how to proceed.

Harry leans onto you, you were always going to be there for him. He turns to you when he had theories and when he wanted to vent, you always had a listening ear. Some days, you found yourself cuddling Harry when he looks like he needed it, you saved all your affection for him. And out of respect, you attended Dumbledore's funeral

"Ready to leave Hogwarts, Potter?"

Harry merely nodded as you shut your trunk, you looked at him and open your arms. There he managed to bury himself into you as much as he could. You tighten your grip around him as you kissed his head of hair.

You had dreaded the months to come, the sense of dread had washed away for a day before returning. You knew that you couldn't leave Harry to find the Horcruxes by himself, you had no bound to a vow, so you were essentially free of doing whatever the fuck you wanted.

You didn't have to pretend to be interested in being a death eater, you didn't have to protect Draco anymore. You no longer have to restrain your full power anymore, you can breathe in freedom.

"I still don't think Sirius should come with us!" You say as everyone watches you argue with Mad-Eye, "It's already risky enough to bring Tonks, but if we do get ambushed, Bellatrix has it in for Sirius."

"I'm capable of taking care of myself!" Sirius argued as Mad-Eye nodded, "If it's any consideration, I'll take the poly portion."

Harry welcomes you to his home on the night before his birthday. A hug lasted longer between the two of you, before trailing everyone into the living space. After realising Harry had to go through with this plan, he sees which are paired up. He was very much appreciated that you were paired up with Sirius, knowing that you are there to protect him.

He didn't see much of the fight behind him as Harry went through the portkey. He got increasingly worst as everyone was returning and yet there was no sight of you.

Remus and he stand guard, despite Remus being very persistent in making Harry go inside and relax for a bit.

"I know you're worried, and so am I," Remus says, comforting to him, "I don't think I've seen Sirius so worked up."

The two men looked through the window to see Sirius pacing through the living room as Tonks and Arthur were trying to consolidate him.

"He thinks it's his fault, you know," Remus explains, "He got separated after fighting Bellatrix with Tonks, he thinks it's his fault for leaving (y/n)."

There was a snap in the distance and they see a figure approach them, they both had their wands out as the figure turned to be Moody.

"After the first order meeting, what did you say about my son?" Remus interrogated as Mad-Eye stared at him.

"I said, your son is up to no good and we had to keep an eye on him."

Remus lowers his wand as he tells Harry to inform everyone that Mad-Eye had finally turned up, but there was still no sight of you. Mad-Eye walks into the burrow with a sullen look on his face.

"They took (y/n)," Moody reported, gasp was heard around the living space, "Bellatrix managed to hit a stun spell when he wasn't looking, and one of the death eaters took him."

Harry was miserable, unable to get the thought of you out of his head. You had missed his birthday and the wedding, you missed taking off with Harry to find the Horcruxes. He missed you, everything about you. He felt so lonely without you, missing your comforting words and gentle affection.

Remus was tearing himself apart, all he could imagine is how badly you might be enduring. He didn't want to think about negative stuff, but his brain wouldn't let him think of happy memories. He knows Sirius is properly beating himself about it as well.

You missed Harry and Remus's argument, how Harry called your dad a coward for running, afraid of having another child. Both parties were glad you were not present for the fight as you would be disappointed in both of them.

There was nothing heard about you for months, before showing up unexpectedly in Godric's Hallow. Harry was in disbelief as he and Hermione engulfed you in a hug. You looked like you'd walked Hell and back every day, you had scars and you looked so worn down.

You camped with them after the Nagini fight, Harry sees all the scars that litter around your body. He sees discolouring around your ribs, your neck and wrists. Your lip was busted and you sported a black eye.

You didn't talk much about what happened as you continued to stick by them. Harry was constantly hovering over you and if not it would be either Ron or Hermione. Everything was holding up until you managed to wind yourself back into Malfoy Manor.

After doing Bellatrix's artwork on Hermione, she moves on to you, as you have been her favourite victim. You were already showing discolouring after the snatchers had a good beat down on you. Blood was already smeared on your face as she cuts into you.

Bill and Fleur came to rescue you from your injury, but you waved them off and told them you can handle it. You were upstairs when Remus makes a visit to Shell Cottage, sleeping off most of your injuries. Harry runs upstairs to wake you, ushering you downstairs.

Remus turns to hear the extra voice, his heart almost leapt out of his mouth as you come into view. He sighs in relief that you were alive as he engulfs you in a bear hug, pulling your head close to his chest. He leans out of the hug to see your state, his eyes darting back and forth, looking at all the scarred cuts and vile words cut into you. He cringe to see bruises on you, you looked absolutely drained.

"She had the baby!" Remus announced to everyone as you raised an eyebrow, confused at the news, your dad looked at you with bright eyes; "Tonks had a baby boy! He's called Teddy, (y/n), you're a brother."

"Blimey!"

You had to get back to the mission with Harry, you spent most days rebuilding your energy, after using the last on healing yourself - you were more sluggish. After resting for a few days at shell cottage, you ventured with the trio to Gringotts before sneaking into Hogwarts.

"(Y/n)," Harry calls out to you, as you turn to look at him, "Are there any more Horcruxes?"

"Why are you asking me all of a sudden?"

"Dumbledore trusted you with something, he must know about its whereabouts or what it is."

You shrugged your shoulders, crossing your arms over your chest, "He said something about his snake, there is a reason why he takes the thing with him everywhere he goes."

Harry nods, and he turns away before turning back to you. You let out a soft chuckle and tilt your head as he gazes at your warm smile. You can see his mind racing with a million different thoughts.

"I need to talk to you," Harry says as you shake your head.

"Later, Potter," You replied, letting out a heavy breath, "We'll talk later, after all this, okay? I know you have some burning questions for me."

Harry nods before running out of the Room of Requirements to follow a hunt on a different Horcrux. You turn around to look at half of Dumbledore's Army, and you tell one of them to contact the Order and anyone who can come.

"But, Harry said-"

"I know what Potter said, Hermione," You sighed, watching the hole in the wall for anyone willing fighters, "But, trust me, this is more than he bargained for."

Hermione nods as she and Ron run off to the chamber of secrets. You watched as the old Quidditch team flocked into the room, and you see the Weasleys come on after the other. You wait anxiously as you hear the bang of a stick come from the entrance; seeing Moody arriving with the rest of the Order.

"(Y/n)!" Sirius greeted, hugging you tightly and you chuckled gleefully "I see that death has not earned you yet."

"No, not at all," You say with a grin, hugging your old man as well.

Moody cast you a look with Kingsley smirking behind him. Remus gives you a pat on the shoulder as Sirius ruffles your hair. You give your dad a look.

"He still doesn't trust me, does he?"

Remus pulled a face, "Uh, why'd you think that?"

"Dad, you can drop the fake act, I've known since the first order meeting. He's not sublet as he thinks."

Soon enough, Harry comes barrelling into the Room of Requirements in amazement with the turnout but confused as to why there were more people than last time. You give him a knowing look.

"Voldemort is on his way, they're barricading the school," Harry announced, as there was a cheer from Dumbledore's army, "They're evacuating the young students and everyone's meeting in the Great Hall."

"Harry!" You called out before he can make a dash out again, you panted slightly as you were trying to keep up with him, "Be safe,"

"You're not coming with?" You looked behind you to see everyone making plans to get to the great hall, Harry nodded, understanding, "Okay, please be safe... I-I can't lose you."

You pause for a minute, "I love you too, Harry."

The adults started making battle plans for the school as the students, now soldiers, turn to them. You looked helpless as you see the order members throwing their opinions.

"You'll need a shield around the school," You say as you approach the discussion, they all stop to look at you, "It'll buy Harry time and enough time for us to man the school. We'll need fighters up in the sky - which I would assume Oliver wouldn't mind leading."

"I can do that," Oliver says, nodding, pride on his face, looking at his old team, who followed him as he went venturing for any quidditch players in the other houses.

You looked at Moody, his glare trying to shrink you down, you cleared your throat, "Moody and some of the Order take to the quad battlements."

Moody looks satisfied with your choice, as named members to follow Moody. You shot Remus a reassuring smile before mutely saying goodbye and turning to your head of the house.

"Professor, I'll need any willing professors to be stationed on school grounds - especially the viaduct, they'll attack all entrances at all points."

McGonagall nodded, "Then, Mr Finnigan I have a special task for you if you would follow me."

You quickly made your way up to the quad battlements, calling to the portraits of the castles to be the connection line to each army. As you finally reach the top, you were out of breath - mentally telling yourself if the school gets destroyed, you should install some sort of easier way to get to higher levels.

You hear the rumbles of thunder, and you see through the windows you quickly passed by, you see the dark grey clouds as the day draws to night. You couldn't tell whether you were controlling the weather subconsciously, if you were, it might be because you were filled with adrenaline. You reach the top to the quad battlement.

You see Moody, Arthur and Kingsley on one side, and on the other stood Sirius and Remus. You let out a heavy breath, causing the five men to turn around, you waved them off as you tried to catch your breath.

"(Y/n), what are you doing here?" Arthur asked, his face turning to worry quickly, "Nothing has-?"

"No," You shake my head, "The school needs me more than Harry right now, he has Ron and Hermione - they'll figure it out."

There was a beat of silence.

"Glad you're here with us," Moody broke the silence as you raised an eyebrow.

You wordlessly go over to your dad, who puts a firm hand on your shoulder. There was an unspoken conversation between the two of you, he worries for you. He doesn't want you to fight in this war, you've gone through enough, but he knows there is nothing stopping you.

As the war began, you were buzzing with adrenaline, and you were grinning ear to ear. The order members who snuck looks your way was taken aback that they could see the hunger for blood, it didn't bode well for them, yet they were thankful you were on their side. They couldn't comprehend how you were eager, they heard about your endeavours in the past months.

You were tortured, beaten down, and exhausted - yet, your body language and demeanour didn't show that. They had lost you as death eaters raided your station, you were battling fiercely, conjuring Merlin's spells left and right. There was a look of darkness within your eyes and any death eater that appeared in your path - you were their last regret.

They underestimate your power and you grin as you murder or maim them. They regret challenging them as you set them up for their demise. However, you were so consumed by your hunger you almost missed Dolohov attempting to murder your father, you felt energy underneath the floors travelling towards you as you snapped your head towards that direction, only to be met with Dolohov wanting to deliver a killing blow.

You swished your wand and your father watched Dolohov look panicked before his eyes slowly staggered towards you. Remus followed his sight and saw you standing there, inching closer and closer as you walked menacingly towards them; Ignoring any death eater running towards you as you waved them off with your hand - magically tipping them off the tower. Remus looks back to Dolohov, whose skin is slowly drained of colour - he attempts to catch his breath before ultimately he takes his last one.

With one last flick of the wand, Dolohov was no longer under your spell as he came crashing down onto the floor without life in his eyes. Your demeanour changes as you reach your dad, holding your hand towards him.

"You okay?" You asked him softly, he looked at you almost scared and yet confused.

"Am I? (Y/n), please don't tell me that was blood-bending you just did." Remus says as you look at him wordlessly.

You shrugged your shoulder, "I honestly don't know what you want me to say."

Remus sighs before chuckling as he brings you in for a hug, you chuckle back as you hugged him tightly. He strokes your hair, he doesn't know whether or not he was attempting to comfort you or himself. He hadn't seen you for so long, and the last time was an hour of visit where you and he had hardly interacted since everyone was asking him how Tonks was.

He hadn't had the time to check up on you, if you were okay, you were just hurled into being a commander, and you were expected to fight. You separate from the hug, Remus noticed now that standing before him was a man. You were almost, if not, at the same height as him - you looked weathered down, almost giving wise vibes from you. Stood before him, was a man, who was wise and powerful.

"Do you think you guys have up here covered?"

"Y-yeah," Remus stammered out, wanting to be selfish and asking you to stay with them.

You joined Harry at the start of the one-hour armistice. After Harry knew that the people closest to him were alright. Fred was one of the few that were heavily injured. Alive, but injured - Harry was grateful to see him, seeing he almost witness his death if not for you being there. He saw Tonks in the great hall, leaning on Remus. She looked fine, a bit frazzled, but overall fine.

She had been filling in Remus and Sirius that she had run into you as you made your way down to find Harry. You had provided distraction as she could sneak away from Bellatrix's rage. But, after returning from the boat house, Harry came to find you.

"Let me come with you," You softly say, your forehead against his as you stood with him on the grand staircase.

"I can't let you, you have to stay here with everyone," Harry replies just as softly, his grip tightening around you, "If- if everything goes well, you are the one to kill him."

"What's going on?"

You turn to see Hermione and Ron at the bottom of the stairs, you sighed as you rip yourself away from the grips of Harry. As Harry walks to his death, it leaves you and your best friends.

"I want to be alone, right now."

"(Y/n)."

"Please."

You didn't know how you managed to end up fighting Voldemort, but you were. In your mind, you had to avenge Harry's death. Adrenaline was pumping through your blood. Remus was watching on the sidelines, anxious. Many of the order members watch in anticipation., whilst the professors had a go with Voldemort, you were battling him by yourself.

You were the power of three experienced wizards, and the order had no idea if you were more than that. Voldemort was getting frustrated as you were taunting him, verbally, laughing and the look in your eyes of determination.

Harry watched under the cloak at bother battles before him. Wildly impressed that Molly had delivered the final blow to Bellatrix. He watches how Voldemort screams in fury, sending a powerful blow towards you - flinging you back into the crowd.

The final battle between Harry and Voldemort lasted minutes, as the war dies down. There were two people looking for you, but it was Harry who could really figure out where you could be hiding. His nerves were bubbling in his stomach as he reaches the Merlin portrait. Harry was met with a letter.

As Harry returns to the great hall, he is met by your dad.

"He's gone," Harry says, almost defeated, "He left."

Harry hands him your letter as he meets with his best friends outside. Remus reads the words you have written to him and Harry. How you have to embark on a quest for Merlin. You have unfinished business, you were stepping up in the role Merlin has created for you.

Remus wanted to hate you.

He wanted to be selfish, he wanted you to be back home, somewhere he knows you'll be safe. But, Remus loved you too much and he was always going to be there for you. You tell him to focus on himself, and take care of Teddy whilst you're gone, and Remus will tell stories of you.

Harry will wait for you, you promise to come back to him. He was excited to start a new chapter with you; he wanted to be your boyfriend again. But, Harry will wait for you.

Years had passed by, and there was still no sight of you. But, in the years between, you were always there to remind them you were alive and around. Hogwarts got a hefty sum of money to repair the school, as did the Weasleys' burrow. You had promised Molly you will help replay for damages that you caused in the winter of 1996, though you knew you will get a right earful from Molly that the money you sent was enough to renovate the whole burrow to her heart's content.

You send a birthday present to Teddy, your dad and Harry every year without a fail, it was to let them you that you were always thinking about them. The group had started to think you knew everything, what they were doing and whenever they feel lonely or sad - they think of you. Both your friends and order members, think about how you are alone, how you are much braver than they are.

The thought of you was encouraging to them.

You returned home after five years. You heard about the retirement party for Moody, you just had to be there. The party was held at the burrow.

"Bloody hell, is that Merlin I see?" Fred says, looking off into the distance to see walking toward them with a new pet on your shoulder.

The group turns to see you arguing with your Niffler as your Demiguise hangs off your other arm. This wasn't a teenager anymore, that wasn't the eighteen-year-old they last saw. This was a man aged twenty-two, with a confident stance. You were different now, some of your locks had turned grey, and your body was littered with tattoos - some moved and some didn't.

Everyone thought it would be Remus or Harry first to greet you, but instead, it was your little brother who was intrigued by these magical creatures.

There were hugs given to each person; people didn't miss how your voice had changed - it was rough around the edges and slightly deeper. People noticed how you were taller and there was a look in your eyes that says you've seen everything you wanted and things that you did not. It was Remus and Harry who hugged you the tightest.

"I've missed you," Harry mumbles into your ear, "I waited for you."

"I know, Potter," You say back, equally quiet as his words, "I've missed you too."

"Don't be hogging him, Harry, I'd like to hug my son too, you know," Remus interrupts causing a chuckle from a few people.

You smiled brightly as you hug your old man, you sink into your father's touch, relieved to be back after a while. Everyone was happy to see you again, you even gave Moody a cheeky jab that you couldn't miss his retirement party.

"So, (Y/n), what's your plan now?" Ron asked.

You shrugged your shoulder, "Well, I'm going for Supreme Mugwump."

"That's brilliant!" Hermione exclaimed as you laugh, there was a clear buzz of excitement for you.

"But, really, I just want to relax, I've been working too hard and for too long for this world," You hummed, placing a tender hand on top of Harry's, "So, I'll turn down the position for now just so I can spend time for you guys."

"Awh, aren't you a darling," Sirius jokes as you rolled your eyes.

"I've missed you too Sirius."

Life hasn't been easy for you, but, the world was safer now, especially in your hands. In the end, it was worth it. To be with Harry and see Remus grow old as he should.

You are content.

[twilightarc-gm]

Why do you like jiang cheng?

At the risk of liking him for the wrong reasons, let me be verbose and annoying about it.

A short anecdote: I finished the donghua before the novel and I liked JC's aesthetic so I was happy to have that imagery in my head for the novel, but mostly I came out of the donghua like "cool story, the ending was frowny face though" and I came out of the novel like I was lost in the IKEA store "there's stuff here but it's not what I want and it's organized in a way that's hard to navigate through." Bit like giving me a puzzle to solve.

Anyway, imagine a cat bapping at a thing trying to get fandom to show me what to do with MDZS (i.e. reading fanfic) and then I come across anti-Jiang Cheng stuff.

//record scratch

I'm sorry what?

Why?

NO.

I started then on Shuangjie reconciliation fic and quickly evolved into Jiang Cheng "Apologist" ((I actually don't think he has anything to apologize for even if he would do so anyway.))

I've been in the xianxia/wuxia sphere of media consumption for a year or so before trying out MDZS and JC just fits so well as the main character of his own story; destined for a position of power through birth, friends with someone in his life that causes conflict, seemingly betrayed by said friend when needing that friend the most, losing and losing and losing as his trust in said friend proves unfounded because the friend walks a path he can't follow, and then he's left with the tragedy that befell the world because--ultimately he trusted this friend too much.

It's a classic story of love and attachment and how good intentions can have massive consequences. Two men entwined by fate and in the end there's a battle on a hill (off screen in this case) where one is forced to "kill" the other.

MDZS could have ended with the past timeline, and I would have liked it more but at least in the present timeline we get Jiujiu and a-Ling.

Anyway: Excerpts and Commentary Below about WHY I LOVE JIANG CHENG, courtesy WANYIN

Of all the clans to offend, you don’t offend the Jiang Clan, and of all the people to offend, you never offend Jiang Cheng.

We stand by a badass mf in this house. The first thing we learn is that he gets credit for killing a big baddy and the second thing we learn is how fierce the rest of his reputation is. He brooks no shit and leaves no quarter. Amazing 💜

Well, I was done for at "gaze like two streaks of cold lightning" so RIP me, I guess. Reminds me of some antis that are like "you only like him because he's hot" which isn't true but it is a nice plus. He's described as inferior to LWJ so like, if it was only about hotness then wouldn't I like LWJ???

“I am his uncle. Do you have any last words?”

At the sound of that voice, every drop of blood in Wei Wuxian’s body seemed to surge to his head but then immediately drained away again. Thankfully, his face was already a mess of ghastly white, so it didn’t look strange when he went a little paler.

A man in purple attire strode over. He was dressed in a narrow-sleeved light robe, with his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. A silver bell dangled from his waist, yet there was no sound when he walked.

This young man had fine brows and almond eyes, with a chiseled handsomeness to his features. His eyes were deep and intense with a hint of aggression, his gaze like two streaks of cold lightning. He stopped and stood three meters away from Wei Wuxian. His expression was like that of a nocked arrow on a bow, ready to shoot, and even his composure was suffused with arrogant pride.

Jiang Cheng ruled the Jiang Clan of Yunmeng alone, so it could have been said that he was in a state of isolation.

🥺 Alone?? And he could still afford 400 Immortal Binding Nets? Self-sufficient king 🤩 And like, his reputation is so fierce and he's boiling over with anger in that scene, but still he restrains himself because he did the cost-benefit analysis! And then later he takes a huge risk on WWX, like he always does for WWX, and that doesn't work out for him--like it always does.

Seeing that nothing had happened to Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng was greatly relieved. However, that relief soon turned into a furious reprimand:

Parent behavior. Enough said.

He has a twisted smile when encountering a trigger for his PTSD and then he decides to fight it instead of letting it paralyze him. He's such a doer. Like, every other moment of the day he's carefully calculating pluses and minuses to every choice (valid) but when it comes to facing his personal demons he's ready to throw down. Excellent.

A moment later, Jiang Cheng’s lips pulled into a twisted smile. His left hand subconsciously began stroking that ring once more.

He said softly, “Excellent. Back, are you?”

He let go of his left hand, and a long whip dangled from it.

“Oh? Then please enlighten me, what is your type?”

Walking A-Spec flag very concerned about what the man who might be his shixiong thinks about him, more at eleven!

Wei Wuxian waved him off and then hooked his arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. “Who cares? I’ll tease him a bit more before I go. You’ve already collected my corpse so many times. Once more won’t hurt.”

Okay but big lol that JC doesn't get to collect WWX's corpse that final time. //sounds of sobbing

A smile appeared on his face, but then he immediately humphed.

He's so grumpy and adorable! I love him! pre massacre JC is precious and I just want him to have someone to bring out that smile again.

He literally didn't have to do this. He makes all these excuses how he'll be embarrassed if WWX is rolling around 😂 Perfection. Boy, you are still carrying him and he doesn't want you to stop.

Jiang Cheng, walk slower, you’re gonna throw me off.”

Not only did Jiang Cheng want to throw Wei Wuxian off, but he practically wanted to bash his head into the ground to create a human crater. “So fussy even though I’m carrying you!”

“I didn’t tell you to carry me,” Wei Wuxian reasoned.

Jiang Cheng flew into a rage. “If I didn’t carry you, I think you’d hang out at their ancestral hall all day, rolling around on the floor. I can’t afford this embarrassment! Lan Wangji took fifty more strikes than you, but he walked away on his own, and you’re not embarrassed, pretending to be an invalid? I don’t want to carry you anymore. Get the hell off!”

“No, I’m wounded,” Wei Wuxian said.

Alrighty, like I'm just going through the entire book at this point.

Let me see if I can make this more concise:

Sacrifices himself despite his very dutiful nature that would oppose this. He throws away all his responsibilities for WWX, again and again, carrying on a tradition of favoring WWX over his own health and happiness. Citing: JFM favoring WWX to the detriment of his marriage, JYL dying to save WWX, and JC (exhausted and with little or no power) running into danger to save WWX ala distracting the Wen patrol and 2nd Siege.

Can't be honest in his affections and makes up excuses to do nice things for others.

Loves and understands his sister. She wanted JZX so he made it happen when LLJ had absolutely no reason to reinstate the marriage contract between Xuanli. JGS notes in the CR arc that he didn't want the marriage for his son in the first place and that there were better options than YMJ, and that was before the war! JC helped her get to Yiling to show off her wedding dress! Even though she married out he still felt so attached to her son he couldn't not co-parent Jin Ling.

Yes, he has Zidian, but he also has a second horsewhip that he keeps on him which is very exciting to know.

The narrative hates him but he survives. (He survives because the narrative hates him).

Most BAMF entrance in the novel at the temple scene with the busting the temple doors down and coming in from the rain with an umbrella. Like sure the narrative hates him but small blessings that rule of cool still counts for something.

Mama's boy.

Just some dude, shows up late to treasury room nonsense, knows all the gossip, no one has faith in him including himself, but he keeps going and doing what needs to be done even when he's so so tired and his shixiong shows up 3 months late with a ghoul lady and a latte, or disappears to liberate slave property without warning first and now he's called into a midnight meeting after trying to get some much needed rest and now he's got consequences to deal with. Someone help him!

An expert at sneering. Threats as a show of worry and care. This makes all the little and brief smiles so much more endearing.

Sandu Shengshou is an amazing title, get out of here if you don't agree. Holy Hand of the Three Poisons? Brutal, perfect 💜 It gets used like, ONCE. Crime against me personally.

Link to Blorbo Sheet for JC

He loves, he hates, he wants to hate he's not allowed to love. Zero middle ground, he's all in and there's no way out.

//is shot and dragged off stage

But just as the Wei Wuxian of the past who’d extracted his golden core for Jiang Cheng had been unable to tell him the truth, the Jiang Cheng of the present could no longer bring himself to speak up.

[inherentsun]

also on ao3 and wattpad as inherentsun ♡

Osamu Dazai was never the type to love someone. So it's no surprise that once it occurred, it was nothing short of an ugly rusted cage, looking for it's bird.

What better victim for his rough, blunt fingers, than a reserved bookworm with a part-time job that they just happened to take up at the wrong time?

- dazai never left the pm after oda's death

"This is it I 'spose.."

You held your phone, looking up at the small building of the address between you and your employer's texts. The cold air made the anxious breaths you let out visible, your fingertips red.

You never really were one for alcohol, the smell and effects of it only irked you. However, to your dismay, the only short-notice part-time job you could get was a bartender. Hell, it was so short-noticed that you hadn't even gotten interviewed. You had just turned eighteen, and the cash you got from your mother overseas wasn't enough to fund you completely.

So there you were, standing in front of a bar in the run-down part of Yokohama with little to no experience, a freshly employed bartender. Yokohama wasn't particularly safe, and you weren't the strongest either, being a non-combative ability user. But it's not like beggars can't be choosers, can they? 

You perched yourself onto a stool chair, texting your boss that you were there, ready to be introduced to your station. Instead, even 30 minutes later you got no text back. Suddenly, a man who looked to be in his twenties towered over you, looking you up and down, as if he were sizing you up. Not in an interested way, more judgmental than that. He handed you a rag, keys, and a bartender's uniform. Confused, you tilted your head, "I'm sorry, are you my boss..?"

He only deadpanned you up until that point, when he finally spoke to you, a tone of annoyance lacing his voice. "No, I'm your co-worker, and I'm clocking out. This is the stuff the boss said you needed." He put his hand out, trying to give you some courtesy by introducing himself, but his degrading stare told you he'd rather be at home than even speaking to you.

"S-sorry, what about training, or showing me around the building? How do I know what to do exactly?" God, the look on this guy's face as you ask more questions that sounded reasonable in your head just makes you wish you could crumple up into a ball on the spot. "What am I, your nanny? Figure it out by yourself, I'm sure you're not completely incompetent." He spat. And with that, he turned away and left through the door. 

You furrowed your eyebrows and scowled. Whatever, you'd just 'figure it out' as he said. Once you changed into your uniform, a long-sleeved blouse, paired with a sleek black tie and typical working slacks, which was surprisingly comfortable- you restocked the bar and reopened. 9 PM, great. You assumed your messy co-worker who left you to restock worked 12 PM - 7 PM, which left you with 8 PM - 4 AM. It didn't take long for customers to come in, tired from work, outing with friends, or just people who simply wanted to drink. The job wasn't as hard as your head made it out to be, and you managed. Luckily, a lot of the customers could tell you were new and bared with your less than experienced work.

Hours passed, it was now 2 AM and most of the drunkards had gone home. While the smell of alcohol and the energy of the people who drank it disgusted you, it was tolerable. Now the only people that remained in the bar were groups of friends, or singles sipping on their drink as they thought to themselves. 

But after all these hours, no matter how much time passed, no matter how occupied you were-

You could feel one pair of eyes glued onto you, a pair that never faltered their vision off of you.

Aside from the bandages and cold look plastered onto his face, he didn't look creepy. Even so, something about him was off-putting. You decided to keep shoving the thought off, even if the only way he would ask for a refill was by tapping the side of his glass as if you were a housemaid. 

You kept looking at him, taking note of his appearance. He had medium-length hair for a guy, thick and dark too. His eyes were a deep auburn and they burned into yours, as he made eye contact once he noticed you looking him up and down. Breaking eye contact, you came to notice he was quite tall, standing at a good 5'11 off of what you could tell. He often played with the ice in his drink, still not tearing his eyes off you as he did it. If only you knew what he was thinking about you, maybe you wouldn't be so careless with how much you looked at him. 

You decided to stop paying him any mind, as it would only keep you nervous for the rest of your shift.

The rest of the night was mellow, and the people who were there didn’t give you too much trouble. In your spare time, you’d write to yourself about your job in a pocket journal you kept. 

It was finally 4 AM, your shift had felt like it would never last, and you could hardly believe you'd be doing this for 5 days a week. Everyone had left by then, including the lump of bandages that wouldn't stop looking your way. You walked out of the establishment after restocking and locked the door. You sighed and spoke to yourself, "Finally... I can rest." As you were opening your car door, you heard something, and your head snapped behind you immediately.

..Yet you saw nothing.

"Must be the paranoia of working in the sketchy part of Yokohama.. I’ll get used to it." You rationalized to yourself, unlocking your door. However you did fail to hear one thing, and that was the sound of the air tag on your car turning on.

It had been about two weeks since you had started your part-time job, and things had gotten better for you. Your cold coworker was slightly nicer to you, the job had gotten easier overall, and that unsettling man from your first day didn't show up too often- though you dreaded when he did. Other than that, your work had gotten nicer, and being employed gave you a sense of purpose. 

Today was your day off, so you decided to treat yourself. It had been a while since you had done so anyway, and you felt good about yourself for once! First, you decided to head to the bakery, to pick up a croissant for yourself. You were well acquainted with the woman who owned the shop, and you had a nice chat with her before you went on your way.

Once you had gotten your treat, you headed to the library where you sat and wrote for a while. Journaling was your personal therapy, a way to keep tabs on your emotions. Being honest with yourself about your emotions is what kept you running, because even with the uncertain path your life was on, at least you knew yourself.

It was around 7 PM when you had finally up and left, the only people in the bookstore with you being older people reading, or those working on the computers. Tired and fatigued, you closed your journal and left for home. As you finally returned home, an ache-y but familiar feeling sunk in, and your chest felt heavy.

Something felt off the entire day- no, the entire month. 

You had been trying to ignore it but you felt as if you were being watched, your clothes were disappearing when you knew you hadn't misplaced them, and you swore you could hear noises outside your room at night. Yet when you went to check, there wasn't a trace of anyone being there.

Truth be told, if you wanted to be completely transparent with yourself, you hadn't been treating yourself for this very reason. Whenever you went out, a looming feeling of weariness came over you, much stronger than the normal amount of anxiety a person gets. 

You decided to get some sleep, to ease your nerves. Just to ignore the lump in your throat that formed whenever you felt like this.

The next day was miserable, you had an anxious feeling surrounding you at all times, and it didn't help that you worked at night. Before your shift you spent your time nervously pacing around the house, you couldn’t even read or write with how sweaty your palms were and the constant chatter of thoughts running through your mind.

Once you clocked in, it didn’t get any better either. The alcohol's smell going into your nose as you poured it or as a customer asked you for a nth glass filled your nose, and you felt even more queasy than you did before. It didn’t help that tonight’s groups were especially rowdy, and it seemed as if they took a sort of sadistic pleasure in pestering you. You were able to push through though, and when you were home you felt a bit of relief.

That relief was short-lived though when you checked your phone to see an unknown number text you. Your breath was short, your palm covered your mouth, your vision getting blurry. "Oh my god..." Your hunch was spot on, your stalker had sent you a photo of you cooking. 

That wasn't all though.

There were photos of you eating, changing, showering, sleeping, writing, working. You felt sick, they knew where you worked, how to get into your house, what you did throughout the day... 

That was your last straw, you threw on some pants and bolted to the police station, hot tears running down your face. When you arrived, you could barely form a coherent sentence. "P-pl-pleah.. h..help m-me I- they kn- live... I can't-" you were cut off by the officer that was unfortunate enough to catch you in your panicked state, as you tried your best to explain the situation.

"Hey, hey, let's calm down okay? I'm here to help, so you can just give me the information you have, and I promised we'd help you." He put his hand on your waist and pulled you closer, trying his best to reassure you. “Just walk me through it step by step. Can you do that for me?”

You nodded, still distraught. But you felt better, knowing he was there reassuring you. “I- my clothes have been disappearing, and recently I felt like I was being watched.” You continued, the thought of those pictures gave you a nauseous feeling.

“Just twenty minutes ago I was sent these..” You turned your phone toward him, and a terrified look washed over his face. You could tell he was scared, too.

It felt as if he was choosing to be careful how he worded things, taking a pause before he spoke. “I’ll be on this immediately. Do you have a safe place to stay for now?” You looked down and scratched your chin. “Only my home..”

He only frowned, but then it looked like he thought of something. He took out a notepad and a pen and handed it to you before scribbling something down. “Here, this is my number. I’m genuinely concerned, but as we have no evidence right now the best I can do is offer you emotional help.” He grasped your hands to his. “If you ever need help, please text me.”

His soft expression gave you a warm feeling, it was nice to have someone there for you.

”O-okay. I can do that..” You said, holding his hand tighter, returning the gesture. He only softly smiled at you, before writing down what you had told him before, and taking physical copies of the photos that were sent to you as evidence. 

He walked you to the exit of the station and placed a hand on your shoulder. “Before you leave, do you need anything?” You shook your head, “I’m okay. Thank you for helping me, please tell me anything you find out.” 

He sent you off, and you felt slightly better. You drifted off to sleep, and for the first time in a while, it was easy.

The next day you woke up, hair disheveled, eyes droopy, and your shirt slanting off your shoulder. This was the first night you were able to actually sleep decently since you got your own place. But you had one person on your mind when you woke up, which was the sweet policeman you had spoken to. Since last night, you had already set your mind on asking the guy to share an afternoon with you, a coffee date if you will. After all, you didn't even know the guy's name, and he did make you feel sane, even if for only a bit.

You grabbed your phone and sent him a lengthy text that you kept retyping in your head, like an anxious high school girl texting her crush. It read, 

'hi, it's me, the girl from last night. i was wondering if you wanted to get a coffee or something. just to get to know you, i appreciate how you handled the situation, even with my panicked state and my slurred speech. i have work at eight today, so if you wanna meet up before then i'd love to :)'

You clicked send, and almost immediately you got a text back.

'sounds great, i'll see you at (location) at 4 PM then? and btw, what's your name? i'm tanizaki junichiro.'

You smiled giddily at the response time and texted back accordingly.

'good to hear, and my name is (y/n). ill see you at 4!!'

He hearted your message, and you smiled at the gesture. You promptly got up from your bed to brush your teeth, do your hair, and pick out your outfit for the occasion of course. However, you weren't as careless as you usually were when it came to picking out what you'd be wearing for the day. You mostly just went with what was comfortable, but today you wore a knee-length dress and paired it with some mary-janes and a loose sweater.

You headed to the coffee shop after about 2 hours of playing around with your appearance and arrived right on time. Your eyes scanned the shop for Tanizaki to see him waving at you, a smile spread across his face. "Hey, I ordered you a coffee!" You sat down in the chair in front of him and took ahold of the latte he had ordered you. "Thanks, I really appreciate that! Here, take this." You fished 6 bucks out of your pocket, but he was quick to decline, pushing your hand away. "No, I insist! It's on me." You shrugged and pocketed your money. "If you say so, but the next one's on me." He only rolled his eyes at you, not taking you seriously.

Talking to Tanizaki felt natural to you, not in a romantic way, it just felt nice to have someone there to listen to you. You hadn't had a friend in a while, and although you weren't even looking for one actively, it felt nice to have a relationship of any sort. Hours turned to minutes, and minutes to seconds over your ‘date’ with Tanizaki.

”I’m really glad I met you, Tanizaki.” Your remark made a red hue spread across his face and he twiddled with his fingers a bit. “I am too…” He broke eye contact with you but quickly realized how distraught he looked due to your compliment. “T-that I met you that is!” He said, quick to correct his flustered look. 

You only chuckled in response, and you two continued talking to each other over the next few hours.

“I had a great time with you today Tanizaki, but it’s seven so I’ll have to walk to work now.” His eyes lit up, and he grasped your hands to his. “I can drive you! You shouldn’t have to walk.” His abrupt and overly-forward movement made you move your head back a bit, and raise your eyebrows. He noticed this, and let go of your hands. 

“Ah.. sorry, but my offer still stands.” He gave you a small smile and you thought for a bit. You didn’t see why not, it’d be much better than the 30-minute walk you’d have to take. “Okay, sure!” You nodded at him, and he gave you a thumbs up. “Alright, let’s go.”

On the way to work, you chatted as he drove. Albeit.. your naïveté took the best of you as you failed to pick up the intentions behind his questions. 

“So, (y/n).. are you dating anyone right now?” You shook your head, and put your hand to your chin. “No.. and I don’t think I have since middle school actually.” The realization hits you like a truck. Wow, you really hadn’t dated anyone for a while.

”Ah is that so..” He paused before continuing.

”Interested in anyone?” You perked up at the question. No, you weren’t really. You hadn’t been talking to anyone even as friends as of late. 

“I don’t think so, I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to anyone.” You shrugged.

The rest of the drive was quiet, not because it felt awkward, but because it looked as if Tanizaki had something on his mind that he wasn’t telling you. Not wanting to interrupt his train of thought, you stayed silent. 

You two had finally pulled up to your workplace, and you unbuckled your seatbelt before making eye contact and beaming at him. “Thank you a lot for the ride, Tanizaki!” You were about to turn away till he grabbed your hand.

”(y/n)…” He looked at your lips, and suddenly cold sweat had washed over your body. You stumbled over your words and tilted your head. “Tanizaki…?” 

He abruptly pulled your face to his, slamming his lips into yours. “Mhfmm!” You turned your head to the side, as he kept trying to pry hungry for more, his fingers digging into your cheeks so hard you'd swear it'd leave a bruise. You stumbled out of the car quickly after flinging the door open, a distraught look painting your face. “(y/n).. I- I thought you- I’m so-“ 

You were quick to cut him off in your ruffled state of mind.

”I- Tanizaki I think you got the wrong idea, I’m sorry.” And before he could answer, you had already bolted inside of the building.

The only thing that was on your mind that shift was your little ‘encounter’ with Tanizaki. Just what was he thinking? Why would he do that? Did you give him the wrong idea? Was that your fault? I mean, you had barely known him for a day. 

Maybe you were too harsh, you thought. “I’ll send him a text after work, maybe I can try to reconcile over brunch..” You murmured to yourself. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

Something strange that you noticed was that the eerie bunch of bandages that had shown up four days in a row wasn’t here today, which was good for your nerves, although his existence alone gave you an unsettling feeling whenever you knew you had work that day. 

It finally hit 4 AM, and you changed out of your work uniform and clocked out. “I’ll send him a text, hopefully he responds in a timely matter..” 

‘hey tanizaki, i know i left things off on a bad foot. i’m sorry, i was just taken off  guard from your advance. i wouldn't want this to ruin our friendship so if u wanna talk it over a meal i’d really appreciate that. again, so so sorry.’ 

Hopefully, that’d suffice as a good enough apology for him to at least talk it out with you. After all, he was the one you reported your stalker to. Wouldn’t help to have tension between you two, if you wanted your problem worked on cleanly.

It had been a two days since you had seen Tanizaki, two days you had texted. He hadn’t replied, or even read your message, which surprised you, as you thought you’d at least get your message read if not a rejection to fix things.

This was practically all you could think about from the moment you woke up, to the moment you clocked out of your shift. What snapped you away from your disarrayed thoughts was abruptly interrupted when you felt a tight squeeze on your shoulder. Oh god, was it your stalker? Were you getting kidnapped? All you could do was plead for your life, anyway. You could feel them towering over you, breathing down on your neck and their grip was nothing short of rough, at least rough enough to contuse your skin. 

"Someone didn't feel their best today." An irreverent tone laced this person's voice, yet they didn't sound threatening at all. If anything, it was more friendly. Their hand removed itself from your shoulder, and you turned around, your eyes being met with the bandaged man who gazed at you, yet again at work. Your eyes widened, and you stepped back a bit. Wow, now that he was in front of you it was much more apparent how much taller he was, his figure looming over you and the very discernible difference in strength between you two becoming more and more visible as you really realized how much strength had been removed once his hand was removed off of your shoulder.

"Ah- no, I'm just fine. What are you doing here, mister...?"

"Dazai, Dazai Osamu." He stated softly, placing his hand on his hip. "Nice to officially meet you mister Dazai, what did you need that was so important to wait till.." You quickly glanced down at your watch. "4:13 AM..?"

He smiled at you, bending down slightly and squinting his eyes a bit. "Thought I'd make myself acquainted with my favorite bartender." A mischievous, yet playful look spread across his face.

'Your only bartender.' you thought. He didn't seem as threatening as he was originally, his ghostly demeanor sent chills throughout your body whenever he shot you a look during your shift. "Well, nice to meet you mister Dazai. I'm (y/n)." You put your hand out accordingly for him to shake. He shook your hand, the coldness of his fingers spreading throughout your hand, his smile becoming a bit softer each time he spoke. "Nice to meet you, (y/n). You can drop the formalities by the way." 

"Ah, yeah. Sorry, nice to meet you too Dazai. I should be heading home now though." As you were turning away, he grabbed your hand, the cold sensation of his palm shocking you for a split second. "You don't work friday, do you? How about you drink a bit with me, we can get closer." You couldn't help but still be weirded out. Sure, his face didn't hold any malice, but you still had a bad feeling about the guy. "I dunno.. besides, I've never drank before. Only sips here and there of my mom's beer when I was a kid." You scratched your chin and broke eye contact with him by glancing to the side.

His eyes lit up, and he grasped both hands and leaned into your face. "That's great, I can help introduce you to some. C'mon, I'm sure you barely have time to speak to anyone, since you work at night and sleep through most of your morning." His tone dripped with persuasion, as he coaxed you with his oh-so desperate-looking expression and you had to admit, the attention from a handsome guy was nice.

You rationalized in your head, thinking about the possibility of either you or him getting hurt. You were awfully lonely, though. No friends at eighteen, only working then reading once you had downtime. One drink couldn't hurt, right? "Maybe, I guess. Give me your phone, I'll put my number in. I'll think about the whole drink thing though." You sighed, putting your open palm out toward him. He smirked and let out a little chuckle as he placed his phone in your hand. You entered your contact and texted yourself. "Cool, I'll text you then." You nodded, and the two of you parted ways. Though you couldn't but help think to yourself..

How’d he know you didn’t work Friday?

Another day without Tanizaki texting you, or even reading yours. He really was avoiding you, wasn’t he? No matter how many times you checked your phone there was no notification popping up, and it only made you even more stressed. Why was he so set on not fixing this? “UGH..” You groaned as you unlocked your car, and plopped yourself on the seat. 

Once you arrived at your apartment you smelt something odd, gross smelling even. It brought a nasty scent to your nose, and your nose scrunched as a result. “Jeez, what are my neighbors cooking?” You checked your watch. Why would someone be cooking at 4:30 AM?

ping!

You fished your phone out of your pocket and checked the notification, your eyes were a bit blurry out of exhaustion and not having adjusted to your phone's bright light — in comparison to your dark apartment that is.

unknown number.

You swallowed, a lump in your throat forming almost immediately as you saw the text. 

unknown number 4:32 AM - ‘check the side of your apartment ♡’

Oh god, they were there outside your apartment waiting for you, weren’t they? You pulled out a pocket knife you had always kept with you, and sheepishly inched yourself out the door. You bit the bullet and darted down to the alley, and god you wish that they were there, instead of the horrors that met your eyes as you rushed down in a cold sweat, heaving and panting at the sight in front of you.

Tanizaki’s body was pinned to the alleyway’s wall, his entrails surrounding him in the shape of a heart. And it wasn’t just him either, it was six officers you had never even seen either. 

Your ears rang, and the tears escaped your eyes, streaming down your cheeks. You wheezed and coughed, feeling vomit in your throat, a bile-inducing sensation harboring your stomach. Vision blurry, eyes heavy.

“I- hafta.. call.. Police- I-“ You grabbed your phone out of your pocket, nearly dropping it with your much your hands shook, juggling it in the air for a moment.

ping! 

unknown number 4:37 AM - ‘i wouldn’t report that if i were you, might get accused of a crime you didn’t even do.’

Sick fuck. They were watching you? Threatening you by implying you'd be framed for this? Your head moved every which way, trying to look for your stalker frantically. Your expression was worth more than a costly painting to them, you knew that much. Were they doing this to get back at you? Had you wronged someone? Why you? It's not like you'd ever been a sociable person, let alone one to meddle in other people's lives or affairs.

unknown number 4:38 AM - ‘you’re cute when you look for me like that you know, just go back inside and that’ll be gone by morning.’

Was this freak getting off on this? Your stomach felt like it was twisting in on itself. What happened? You were just talking to him a few days ago, and yet there he was, hanging in front of you surrounded by his organs, the smell of his innards invading your nose and making your head dizzy with disgust. Whoever did this could rot in hell for all you cared, you wanted nothing more than to replace the gory sight of Tanizaki in front of you with the perpetrator. The nauseating smell contaminated every inch of your nose, the rotting of Tanizaki’s body making you feel sick to your stomach. He must’ve been dead for a couple of days at this point, explains the smell and the unread text you’ve had on your mind.

But all you could do was put your phone in your pocket and hurriedly run back inside, still panting like a dog as you did so. What more could you do? This person clearly had the skills to kill you at any given time, and you still weren’t sure of their motive for stalking you either. All you could do was oblige the best you could.

You didn’t receive any more texts that night, but after recalling the horrid things you saw in the alley, trying to sleep was futile. You couldn’t help but think it was your fault he was murdered, him and the other six officers.

The day after the incident was dreadful. Your stalker had told the truth, Tanizaki’s body had disappeared by morning. You were exhausted, running on no sleep whatsoever, a scratchy feeling lingering in your eyes the entire day. The thought of arriving back at your apartment after work used to be a comforting warmness, one that took the alcohol's acrid stench out of your nose, but it had been replaced with a gut-wrenching feeling and a vile tang coating your mouth. 

Despite the unsettling thought that you'd have to return home once your shift ended in a few minutes, you started closing the bar, wiping down the tables, and eventually changing out of your work uniform. Walking out the backdoor oblivious to what was to come next, you checked the time on your phone. 4 AM. Oh well, you couldn't avoid your own house. Finally closing the bar, the idea of going home overwhelmed you even more as the time to leave the establishment was just a few minutes away. Was your stalker going to be there? Another body accompanying them, and more things of yours stolen? Would they force themselves on you? All of these concepts just made you all the more nervous to return home, and you were unsure you'd even be able to sleep tonight, still thinking of the horrors that had met your eyes the night before.

You came home to a white note on your bed, thankful it wasn’t another body, but also drowned in an upset thought that your stalker was able to get in your house, not that it was surprising, seeing their capabilities with law enforcement. Why would your average apartment lock be a match for them? The note read, “i apologize for my little theatric last night, i just needed to express how i felt ♡ i hope you have a good idea now. it took a bit to set up which is what the rotting was about,, i have work too. nonetheless... i hope you enjoyed your shift. count on me visiting you sometime soon, except this time i’ll make it known that i’m there. hope you're as excited as i am.” 

Make it known? Does this mean they’ve been near you in your house without you knowing? Everything you learned about this person has only made you more and more sick. Were they also really saying they hoped you enjoyed your shift? How could you after what you'd had seen, it was practically printed onto your eyelids, flashing in front of you whenever you blinked. You only furrowed your eyebrows and angrily threw a pillow at your window. "Fuck you! If you're watching me!" 

You looked at yourself for a second in the mirror and sighed to yourself. "What am I doing..." You facepalmed and laid back on your bed, hoping to get some rest.

Despite the rough night you had, you were able to slip 2 hours of sleep in before you were woken up by a night terror, in which you relived the events of the night you found Tanizaki in vivid detail. Well, you could barely call it a night terror, as it was at 11 AM, 2 hours after you were able to finally get some rest at 9 AM. Truth be told, the last thing you wanted to do was go out drinking. Not only did you hate alcohol, but you still had the nagging voice in the back of your head constantly reminding you of what you had seen by your apartment the other night. You had been too scared to even go to the station to check up on your report with the stalker, not like it would matter anyway. Your little secret admirer had already displayed their capabilities. Killing seven trained armed officers wasn't easy, and you were sure they wouldn't hesitate to do more harm, maybe even to you. You were in desperate need of company, loneliness stacked on top of your work and your stalker going MIA at random and popping up whenever they wanted only added to your stress. So you'd take any time to unwind with anyone you could find, maybe that is why you found yourself so quickly in a friendship with Tanizaki and Dazai.

Time had passed to when you should get ready to drive to the spot Dazai told you to go to in texts earlier that day, your conversation reading as such.

(xxx)-xxx-xxxx 2:52 PM - ‘hello!!! this is dazai!! r u still up 4 drinks? (∩╹□╹∩)'

you changed his contact to dazai.

me 2:54 PM - ‘i guess so, no promise ill be doing any drinking tho.'

dazai 2:56 PM - ‘meet me @ (address) by 5:30 pm, kay?'

me 2:57 PM - ‘okay, see u then 👍'

For a moment, you almost declined. However, seeing as you lost the person who was working on your case and offering you some sliver of emotional support, you thought 'fuck it.' 

Your first impression of him didn't fit how he spoke to you at all, he was cheerful and charismatic, in contrast to his uninterested and cold air that had clouded you originally. It rolled around to 5:00 PM, which was your queue to get ready for your hangout with Dazai later. You wore a skirt that stopped at your lower thighs, paired with pantyhose and a sweater, simple but not bummy or anything. You wore your hair down, put on a simple makeup look, and looked at your watch. 5:15 PM, perfect timing. You walked over to the meeting spot, which was just a local park about 10 minutes away, and plopped yourself on the bench, scrolling through your phone as you waited for Dazai to arrive. As you waited, you were left alone with your thoughts. Was this a mistake? What if your stalker hurt this guy too? What if your stalker ended up hurting you out of anger? Thoughts of Tanizaki's body invaded your head, his pale skin and the image of his eyes white, rolled back into his skull making you dizzy.

Thankfully, you were able to postpone these thoughts for later when Dazai arrived. Yet this time, instead of a sharp pain on your shoulder, he greeted you with a ruffle of your hair. "Hey, you ready? You look a bit distraught."

"H-huh? Oh, yeah sorry." You said while standing up. "If you say so! The bars close, just a 5-minute walk." He said, grabbing your hand and tugging you along, you nearly tripped over your own feet at the sudden movement. You looked down, letting him string you along when you noticed he wasn't wearing his usual suit and instead a black turtleneck with black pants. However, his bandages never seemed to part from him, making you question if it was really just an accessory. You found it a bit hard to talk around Dazai, likely because you had just officially met the dude less than a day ago. You didn't have this issue with Tanizaki though, something about Dazai just intimidated you, and kept you on your toes. 

"So.. Dazai.. Is your usual outfit that I see you in.. the suit and tie I mean- is that for work..?" You said, finally breaking the silence, trailing behind him and drilling your eyes into the back of his head. "Yeah, I usually just wear what I'm wearing now out of work." 

You piped up, genuinely curious. "So what do you do for work?" You noticed he ever so slightly paused in his tracks for a moment, before continuing to walk again. "Secret!" He looked back at you as he said this, making a 'shh' signal on his lips and winking at you. A bit weird but who were you to judge? You doubt it was anything special anyway. You let out a little 'pfft' and simply stayed quiet for the rest of the walk.

When you two arrived, the bar was nearly empty, with only a few groups and singles sitting at tables. The bar was quiet, which was surprising for well, a bar. The quiet, unintelligible chatters of what tables were filled were the only sound you heard, besides the clinking of glasses whenever the bartender cleaned dishes. You hadn't ever been here, which wasn't much of a shocker, you hadn't ever drunk before.

"So you've never drunk, huh? How about a classic like... whiskey!" He said, landing his hand on your shoulder and bringing you to a stool, pushing you on it a bit before you plopped yourself onto the bolstered seat. "Ah- Dazai I don't.." He was quick to cut you off. "Don't worry your pretty little head, (y/n). I've got you covered." He beamed. "Bartender, get us about 7 shots of whiskey, 52% please. 3 for her, 4 for me." You weren't even able to contest against the notion, so you just sighed and let it happen. You couldn't help but think to yourself, were you moving too fast into this friendship? Sure you were desperate, but you would hate to let this person get hurt too. Maybe this was a bad idea, you should leave now-

"Hey, drinks are here. Don't get too zoned out on me!" Snaps of Dazai's fingers in front of your face brought you back to reality, and he swished a whiskey shot around in your face, the ice cube clanking against the shot glass. "Here, try it." He said, handing it to you. 

Whatever, you'd deal with your problems later. You deserved a break after all you'd been through. You snatched the glass out of his hands and wasted no time in downing it in one go, quickly grabbing another shot from his hand and downing that one, too. "Woah, calm down I wont steal your drink!" He glanced at the bartender and held up 5 fingers, signaling for 5 more shots. He turned back to you, resting his head on his chin and smiling at you. "Getting a bit tipsy already? You're hiccupping so much off just two shots." You only moved your hand up and down, dismissing the possibility. "Nah... I'm good.." He chuckled and took the glasses the bartender had prepared for you two, taking one to his lips. "Relax, it's all on me. I'll make sure you get home safe too." You were comforted by that, even if you had only known him for so little the gesture meant a good deal to you. 

An hour into the night you were slumped on your stool hands on the table and 6 shots in, which for a lightweight and a first-time drinker, was A LOT. Dazai took the opportunity to ask you a couple of questions, while you were in a drunken state you were sure to be honest. You were also vulnerable, he wanted you to open up to him to get you right where he needed you to be, and he didn't care about the things he had to do for that; even if it were to break your boundaries. "Got an ability?" He said, making the mood jump from 0 to 100.

"Well, I-" He cut you off, a fake tone of regret in his voice.

"Ah, wait. My bad, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to." This was just his way of making you feel like you could be safe around him, a shoulder to lean on if you will. "No, it's cool.." You slurred your words a bit when you spoke, moving your head on your arms that were resting on the table. "I can heal those I touch, doesn't apply to me though. Kinda sucks since I don't have a way to defend myself." You paused and looked up at him. "You?" He chuckled and moved his hair to the side, scratching his chin. "No.. unfortunately not, lame I know." It went quiet for just a few seconds before he piped up again. "Here, try this shot." He said, handing you a glass you didn't even recall him ordering. "Uhm.. what is it?" He tapped the glass and swished it around. "Just some whiskey mixed with gin." He said, lying through his teeth. Not like you could tell though. "Mmmm.. alright." You said, letting the shot travel down your throat. Didn't taste like whiskey, but you brushed it off.

It had turned to 1 AM, hours passed quickly due to the two of you talking nonsense over drinks; if you could even call your barely comprehensible drabble 'speaking.' "Dazai.. it was really nice speakin' t'ya but I've gotta go home now.." You stumbled off the stool, nearly tripping till he caught you. "Not in this state you're not, I'll take you home." You pushed his chest away weakly, the alcohol in your system making it hard for you to even lift a finger. "No... I don't wanna go home-" You hiccupped and wiped a small tear away. "They're gonna be there.. and hurt me and you.." He smiled at your honest demeanor and inability to keep your composure. You were too easy, he had you right where he needed you. Dependent, anxious, completely honest with him.

"Hey, what's up? You can speak to me about it you know." He said, brushing your hair out of your face and cupping your cheek, his rough bandages giving you a blunt itchy sensation to your face. "Mmmm... 'ts nothing... I don't want you to be worried or scared. I can't lose another friend.." He tilted his head and smiled softly. "Let's get you home, then you can let your troubles onto me, kay?" He said squeezing your hand and standing up, lending you a shoulder. 

Shortly, the two of you arrived at your house. Your drunk mind brushed over the fact that he knew the address and he placed you on the couch, seating himself next to you. "What's on your mind? You've been worried all night." You shook your head and frowned. "Can't tell, you'll get hurt." He sighed and placed his hand on your shoulder. "C'mon, I assure you I'll be fine. I know you just met me, but we're friends, aren't we? Unless that is.. you don't trust me?" He cooed to you, tilting his head as he said that last part. His faux sympathy won you over and your body untensed, and you caved. You ended up telling him everything, showing him the texts, telling him about Tanizaki's body, and your stolen dispensaries and clothes. He only held you and listened, as you two sat on the edge of your bed, and as you foolishly cried your worries into his chest. 

"It's okay love, take your time. It's been hard for you yeah?" He palmed your cheek, his sultry tone of voice dancing around you. "But you've done so well, haven't you?" He continued, though this wasn't the Dazai that you had met. He was completely different, and you were torn on whether to depend on him or not, fearful of being hurt.

"I'm here for you, got that?" 

It felt nice. Nice to be cared for, given attention to, and loved. Oddly enough, you found yourself drawn to him, even if you knew nothing about him.

Yeah, you'd put your faith in him. 

"Th..thank you.. Dazai.." You whimpered out through sobs, voice muffled as you shimmied your head even closer to his chest, your hands gripping his back a bit harder.

So just for tonight, you'd depend on him.

[hungermakesmonsters]

Love, Sick Love

Sneak Peek

Plot summary : Working at one of the shadier bars in Brooklyn, you have one rule; don’t mess around with the patrons. Most of them are criminals, dangerous. None more so than Billy Russo, but Billy believes that rules are made to be broken. Especially your rule. One lapse in judgement is all it takes for Billy to decide that you’re his, and he’s never been the sort of man to take rejection well.

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : R 

Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] This whole story will deal with dark and smutty themes, including but not limited to stalking.

A/N : It felt weird not to post something on a Friday, so here is the first 1000 words of my next Billy fic. At the end I've put a more exhaustive explanation of the themes and potentially triggering content that might come up during the course of the story so if you're not sure if this fic is for you, I recommend checking that out. Anyway, I'm super excited for this one and I hope to have the first chapter up on the 6th of September. (I'm also testing the tag list with this post, if you want to be added let me know!) .

Sneak Peek

“So, how was your date?”

You were barely through the door when the question was mercilessly thrown your way, the few patrons drinking the afternoon away in Sam’s lifting their heads to glance your way before quickly losing interest. Thankfully, they didn’t care how your date had gone the night before nearly as much as your co-worked Jenna did.

Sam’s wasn’t exactly the sort of place where people cared to get to know each other. The bar had a reputation, the kind of reputation that regularly had cops posted outside the door, waiting to scoop up patrons at closing time, though they rarely dared set foot through the door. And that was why it suited you just fine. Aside from the occasional drunk thinking he might be lucky enough to get in your pants, people didn’t care who you were or where you were from, a courtesy you were more than happy to return.

So, while there was a snicker or two around the bar, no one but Jenna was interested in your love life.

Or, lack thereof. 

You shrugged off your jacket as you made your way around the bar, hanging it along with your purse in the small staff room before heading out to start your shift.

“So, it didn’t go well then,” Jenna stated, eyeing you up and down as you stepped out of the back.

“Hi Jenna.” You said in an overly forced, perky tone, clearly avoiding the question. “How are you, Jenna?”  

“Wow that bad?”

You’d often thought to yourself that Jenna would be better suited working for the FBI instead of tending bar; she knew how to get people to talk and she had a dogged tenacity when it came to things she wanted to know. But, fortunately for the criminal element, Jenna was only interested in gossip, bitching, and information that could be used to her advantage. She was your closest friend and a constant pain in your ass for all of the above reasons.

“Is it that obvious?” You finally relented, giving her a slither of what she craved.

The look she fixed you with was more than enough to answer the question.

“You’re wearing your fuck-me boots and that’s never a good sign,” she said with a knowing grin, obviously impressed with herself. “Wasn’t it the third date? Don’t tell me he left you high and dry...”

All it took was a slight look of disappointment on your face for less than a second for her to have the whole story.

“Oh - oh, okay,” she said and for a single, solitary second, you hoped that she’d drop it. But, of course, she didn’t. “So, how bad are we talking?”

“It wasn’t bad,” you answered, turning away from her, acting like you were checking stock, “just... disappointing.”

“He didn’t make you come?” She asked, loud enough that anyone close enough could hear. Fortunately you weren’t easily embarrassed. “I thought you said he was a doctor? Isn't he supposed to have a good grasp of… anatomy?”

Your eyes rolled as you threw her a glance over your shoulder.

“He’s a physiotherapist, not a gynaecologist.”

Not that that distinction made it any better. Disappointing sex was disappointing sex at the end of the day.

“Are you gonna see him again?” Jenna asked, biting back a laugh.

“And waste another evening on unappealing sex? No thanks. I think I’m just gonna swear off men,” you sighed dramatically, barely holding back a smirk.

“Or,” Jenna started, really drawing out that one little syllable, “maybe you need to stop only going for the safe guys and expecting Captain America to give you what you need.”

Your cheeks heated a fraction as you burst into laughter. It was a good thing that no one who could overhear understood that Captain America was what Jenna liked to call the dildo she’d bought you as a prank secret Santa gift last Christmas on account of it being a red, white and blue, unlicensed Captain America sex toy that claimed on the box to be an exact replica of Steve Roger’s dick.

It had become a private joke between the pair of you, though you’d never dare admit to her just how much mileage you’d actually gotten from the toy.

“Seriously, you need to lower your standards and find a guy who’s willing to just fuck your brains out,” Jenna continued, still utterly oblivious (or perhaps just indifferent) to the half dozen men trying to enjoy their drinks within earshot. “We could go to that biker bar just off the highway again and -”

“Aren’t we barred?” You asked. “Or, more to the point, aren’t you barred?”

“That’s what makes it more fun.”

Again, you rolled your eyes and, finally, you had a look around the bar. It was still quiet, but it wouldn’t stay that way for long. As soon as it started getting dark out, the place would be packed, wall to wall.

That was when you noticed him, sat at the end of the bar, slightly hunched over and with no drink in front of him. You looked to Jenna and gave a nod in his direction, and she shrugged in response, leaving you to deal with him. If he’d overheard any of your conversation with Jenna, he didn’t seem interested. For a moment, you hung back, not wanting to interrupt whatever was going on in his head but, finally, you forced your customer service smile to lips and made your approach.

“Hey, what can I get you?” You asked.

When he looked up your heart stuttered. His face was littered with scars, but they weren’t the cause of the violent pounding in your chest, in fact, after first glance you barely noticed them. No, it was his dark eyes and the way he looked at you, the way he looked through you. For a few seconds you dared to believe you might drown in his gaze (and that maybe you’d enjoy it).

Content and general warnings going for this whole fic : while I’m going to put appropriate TWs at the start of any chapter that require them as usual, I wanted to give a general overview of what this fic might contain so people can make an informed decision whether or not to engage with this fic. If you are uncomfortable with any of the following, please consider not reading. Ultimately this is a Dark Romance and will contain themes like stalking and intimidation. At no point will it contain non-con perpetrated by Billy on the reader character, however there will be moments of unwanted kissing and physical contact, but it won’t get any worse than that. There will be explicit smut (we’re talking rough and dirty) and Billy’s actions/behaviour at times will be pretty gross. And there will be non-graphic discussions/allusions to non-con and murder, with regards to character’s pasts (i.e. Billy’s assault by Arthur) later on in the story. 

At its heart this is going to be a dark and toxic romance and it should go without saying that I don’t condone this sort of behaviour in real life. If you do not enjoy or feel you will be triggered by the aforementioned themes, please give this fic a miss.

(I'm just testing the tag list, but if you want adding/removing let me know!)

Tag List : @xxxsweetcarolinexxx @sweetserendipity65 @dreadfulxives18 @snowkestrel @ladyblacky

@readingabouthim @cheshirecat484 @broadwaybabe18 @oliviaewl

[margindoodles2407]

You guys were asking for the Fives And Echo Dissertation so here it is. Courtesy of @seeking-elsewhither, who first asked the question, "Do you think Fives or Echo is older?" and then patiently listened as things got out of hand.

(Author's note: this is written in my own sort of weird style, where I have a point to prove but to prove it I use almost a kind of narrative style. A great previous example of this is The Crosshair Dissertation, which I published whilst watching The Bad Batch. I hope this style doesn't throw anyone off. Thank you for your time.)

@whyoneartheven You may be interested in this and @kitty-i-swear-to-gosh I know you asked me where the thesis was so I'm tagging you. I hope you don't mind :)

Tube twins are incredibly rare within the ranks of the GAR. Very few of them survive gestation due to lack of nutrients or other complications, and the few that do are often… taken care of by the Kaminoan scientists. The reason for this is that (based on prior tests and research) tube twins, more than any other clones, have a tendency to become dangerously codependent. They will often prioritize their twin over the rest of their squad, which means missions get failed and battles are lost. And Force forbid a pair of twins get separated, whether it be through simple reassignment or, worse, death- it can cause severe mental depletion to the point of a psychosomatic response, a full-on breakdown, and too many other problems to count.

Neither Fives nor Echo knows the real reason they were allowed to survive. They both doubt it was a show of mercy on the parts of the Kaminoans, and even less likely is the idea that they somehow slipped through the radar unnoticed. They agree, though, that it's better not to pry. For their own sake.

Now, with this knowledge in mind: let's examine the fact that, in my mind, Fives is the elder twin. To make sense of this, you may need to take a brief refresher on my characterization of Fives. He's a silly guy, yes, and we love him for it. He also takes responsibility incredibly seriously, he does NOT tolerate those who abuse their positions of authority, when he sets his mind to something only the Force itself could possibly hope to stop him, and he is willing to literally fight and die for the people he loves.

Now, Fives is not the eldest of his vode. He has Hevy, Cutup and Droidbait ahead of him, and only Echo directly under his care. Echo his twin, Echo his closest brother, his best friend, his confidant, his better half.

And he, Fives, is his older brother.

On Kamino, he keeps his head down, as much as deep in his soul he wants to lash out against the Kaminoans and their standards of genetic purity, because if he were to act out on Kamino he could get himself and his entire squad in trouble. And he has a responsibility not to do that. But he also has a responsibility to protect them- ESPECIALLY ECHO- in other ways.

He… becomes a little bit overprotective of Echo. He has a tendency to constantly pull "older brother status", but he's not doing it out of a sense of inflated ego or superiority, he's doing it out of a genuine sense of duty. He's doing it because he knows the danger tube twins are in, the fact that most of their twin brothers died as tubies or newborns. He's doing it because he knows Kamino is a harsh world, a dangerous world, a world of scientists so pragmatic that they speak of human beings as "units" and discard anyone who doesn't measure up to their standard of genetic perfection. He's doing it because he loves Echo, he loves his brother more than anything in the galaxy and he genuinely wants him to be safe. But Echo, especially as a cadet, doesn't fully understand this. And he does resent Fives, just a little bit (mostly as a cadet), because in his mind Fives is only being needlessly overprotective. He feels that Fives won't let him fight his own battles, he feels that Fives thinks that he's weak and incapable just because he's the youngest and the younger TWIN and the straight-laced rule-follower who would never willingly go seeking out a fight. As cadets, they get into a LOT of arguments about this, and it's not until right before their graduation that they both finally seem to fully understand each other.

Now-- the Kaminoans are absolutely not justified in their termination of tube twins. But they aren't exactly wrong about the dangers of codependency. Especially after the Rishi Moon, Fives and Echo really feel like it's them against the galaxy. That's not that they don't love and care for their other brethren, but they begin to cling to each other in somehow an even more intense way than they did as cadets and as shinies. It's a good thing they both end up going to the 501st, they both end up in Torrent Company, they both enter ARC Training and both graduate ARC Training. It's a good thing they're assigned on the same missions. Rex and Anakin recognize that they do seem to work best as a team, their movements seem to be in tandem and it's almost as if they can communicate between each other without saying anything, which makes them both utterly fascinating to watch and entirely lethal on the battlefield.

So of course it's only natural to assign them both to the Citadel mission.

Such a shame no one knew there was a bomb in that shuttle.

Fives spends the next few weeks after the incident completely out of it. He's a sobbing, hysterical, sleep-deprived mess, and everyone begins to wonder if the stories about separated tube twins having broken minds are true. But Fives is not a fragile man. He's devastated, he's lost the person he loves most in all the world, he's experienced the worst tragedy in his short life… but he also knows that he has a responsibility. To his Captain, to his Company, to his brothers. So he pulls himself together and goes back to war. But there's something markedly different about him after the Citadel. He's still warm and friendly and kind, but he's not as quick to smile. He's slower to laugh. His gaze holds a kind of sadness and emptiness to it that brothers unfamiliar with the story of his life don't fully understand. (Even the ones who are familiar don't fully understand. Only the Captain, and the men who were at the Citadel, really get it, and even then… none of them had a twin.)

When he first meets Tup and Dogma, they kind of remind him of the old days. They aren't twins, but they share such an incredibly close bond that they could be. He sees a lot of himself in Tup. He sees even more of Echo in Dogma, which is why the whole debacle with Krell breaks his heart so much. (People ask him if he hates Dogma, for everything he did. For trying to execute him. Fives always looks them hard in the face and simply responds, in clipped tones, "No, of course not. How could I hate my brother?" The recipients hardly wonder if his words might have a double meaning.)

He ends up taking Tup under his wing, the way Rex took him and Echo under his. (If Dogma had stayed in the 501st, he'd be there too.) And part of the reason they're such close friends is because of the way that Fives sees so much of himself in his younger brother (and so much of Echo in Dogma). It's one of the reasons Fives fights so hard against the chips.

It's the reason that it's not just blasterfire that shatters his heart.

Echo is rescued from stasis a few weeks later. He doesn't ask where Fives is, not at first. There's the whole shock of getting off of Skako Minor, then there's the stress of the Battle of Anaxes, then there's the joining of an entirely new squad.

But he knows there was a reason, and not a good one, that the arms he woke up in were Rex's and not his twin's.

He finally works up the courage to ask the Captain where his brother is.

Rex tells him Fives is gone, and he screams.

He screams, horrible sobbing tears, because the one and only thing that kept him going through those years of horrible torture and pain and absolute agony was the fact that he HAD to stay alive, because he HAD to see Fives again. He HAD to get back to Fives his twin, Fives his closest brother, his best friend, his confidant, his better half.

Was everything he went through for nothing?

Should he have just… let himself die? On Skako Minor, should he have just… given up?

No. No, he tells himself, when he's finally calmed himself down (which is… not after a short period of time). That's not what Fives would want.

And that's why, when he has a chance to go with Rex, when he has a chance to go and finish what Fives started- rescue their vode from the prison in their own minds- he grabs it with hand and scomp and doesn't let go. He loves Clone Force 99, he loves Omega, he loves them all more than he's loved anyone since he was first separated from his brother.

But this… this is why he didn't die. This is why he didn't let himself give up. Rex told him the stories, the stories of Umbara and the tragedy of the Chips. And Echo knows that, if Fives were alive, he'd be right there too, fighting the Empire under its very nose.

How could he possibly do anything else?

(And, years and years and thousands of rescued Clones later, as he lays, an old man, struggling to take his final breaths, surrounded by his former Captain and the squad that took him in and the little girl with star-colored hair who has grown into such an incredible young woman-- out of the corner of his failing eyes he sees a bluish figure with unruly curls and warm, grinning eyes and a supernova smile, eternally twelve-twenty-four and crystal clear against the grey fuzz of everything else. And finally, it's the twin he lived his whole life in memory of who's the first to welcome him into the afterlife.)

[beanghostprincess]

Transfem buggy anon, back at it again-

• the sanji bit threw two thoughts into my head and it's both the "I love women (romantic)" thing and "i love women (trans)" thing.

Romantic: Sanji starts off all laughing at the overdramaric misery of his friends being step-clowns (new insult courtesy of him), but then, as he's serving Robin and Nami some snacks, he catches sight of the loose papers pile. He offers to assist with organizing it so Robin can enjoy her book and Nami can enjoy her newspaper and drink. They graciously accept, and he takes his place there with a smile, begins sorting them between fliers and bounties.

Then he finds a certain article.

That Article.

The One That Trash Talked Buggy For Being Trans.

Oh that shit is NOT gonna fly. Sanji is livid. Not only is that just.... mean, but he may have been in his own variant of ""hell"" on the okama island, but he met so many people between his training, and there's nothing WRONG with it. Women are women and women deserve RESPECT, damn it!!

Then, as he's frothing, he finds a bounty - updated since her coming out, name still the same, amount still higher than most expect, but the picture is changed.

He doesn't even realize his nose is bleeding until a drop falls on the paper.

Poor Sanji has to play off the heart flutters and face flush and nosebleed as sheer Respect Women Juice Induced Anger and not a flutter crush on a clown.

Nobody believes him but he still gives it the old college try.

It only really "comes out" as it were when the crews wind up meeting. Luffy is immediately tucking himself into Buggy's personal space with big smiles and bigger laughter, wrapping around his auntie-mom happily. She huffs but let's him cling, a sign enough on its own that she isn't all that bothered. And the eye roll, the half smile, the gruff hair ruffle-

Oh poor Sanji is gone. He is swooning, is spinning, is presenting a snack and affirmations. The other Strawhats are rolling their eyes, casual flippancy, fond exasperation.

Crocodile and Mihawk are Processing, Buggy is flustered and astounded, and it winds up bringing out a slight possessive streak in the two dark haired former warlords and it is HILARIOUS.

Trans route:

Sanji gets SUCH gender envy, and things go fairly similar to the above, but they wind up actually becoming something really soft and sweet with Sanji carefully hedging questions and Buggy just going "due are you a fucking dumbass, your crew loves you, they'd defend you to the ends of the world, they'd never be mad that you're a woman"

Sanji: I'm trans.

Ussop: oh I'm nonbinary! Neat!!

Nami, a lesbian: I AM THRIVING

Luffy: mmm good food

Anyway yeah that's it and ai am soft for Sanji and Buggy becoming friends or at the very least Awkward Friends.

And if anyone has a moment of "weird crush on a friend's relative", it would totes be Sanji and him having a moment of "Oh my seas it's a Stacy's mom deal, but it's luffy's clown mom-aunt-frenemy, fUCK-!!!"

Buggy's just flattered regardless and thinks it's kinda cute, she too had a puppy crush on someone older when she was a kid-

HIIII <333

Honestly, Sanji falling for fem!Buggy makes sense because fem!Buggy is just-- She is stunning. Gorgeous. Perfect. The only reason why she isn't transfem canonically is that it would be too much for this world to handle. And of course, Sanji, being the lover of women he is, would absolutely fall for her. Who wouldn't???? Sanji wants to die a little bit after the realization, though. If Luffy and Zoro ever find out, he won't be able to deal with the embarrassment.

AND!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trans Sanji <333 Transfem Sanji??? Genderqueer Sanji??? My favorite is honestly Genderfluid Sanji but the point here is they find out thanks to Buggy and it's the most unexpected thing in the world. Hilarious, even. The whole crew accepts them though because they're all queer. Like there is no way there's someone allo/cis/hetero in that ship.

I agree wholeheartedly btw Sanji is SO the type to fall for a friend's relative. Maybe that's why I love Sabosan,,, And Acesan,,, So much,,,, Mmmm. It just makes sense.

[hippiegoth97]

Hi! I don't know if you do requests right now because you're probably working on a lot of upcoming projects, so don't feel pressured to write my request. I just can't get this idea out of my head; it's been on my mind for almost a week now. So, who better to ask than my favorite writer?! Anyways, reader recently came out as bisexual and is now in her first relationship with a woman, Chrissy, who's also bisexual. She is still new to the sexual experience with a woman, so Chrissy helps her out. I hope that's enough information for you to work with 💜

A/N: Okay, this has been sitting in my inbox forever, and my other projects unfortunately got in the way. But it's here, finally! I hope you enjoy it, I've never written Chrissy this way before! And I haven't written as much WLW fic as I'd like, so hopefully this doesn't suck! Thanks again for requesting, and *blush* thanks for saying I'm your favorite, it means a lot 💜

Content Warning 18+ Only, Minors DNI: smut, swearing, fem!bisexual!reader, bisexual!chrissy cunningham, fluff, LGBTQ+ themes, coming out, light angst, past relationships, oral sex, fingering

“Just relax, baby. Let me make you feel good.” Chrissy says as she looms over you on the couch in her apartment. Her eyes peer into yours, confident and reassuring. Your comfortable smile matches her own, the two of you having downed a nice meal of pasta and red wine before cozying up to watch a movie you'd rented. Of course, the film became far less interesting than each other's mouths rather quickly. And now, she's got you safely caged in, her body slotted between your thighs as her gaze offers you the world.

You've been seeing each other for a couple months after an initial blind date,  courtesy of your friends. That went as awkward as one could imagine, complete with fumbling hands and a drink spilled on someone’s blouse. But once the ball got rolling, sparks began to fly between you in no time at all. Chrissy is unbelievably sweet, and kind. She genuinely cares about your needs. And you do everything you can to be the same for her. 

You haven't always dated women, Chrissy is actually the first woman you've ever been with. Well, beyond the occasional drunken party make-out with Robin. It took you far too long to figure out you are indeed bisexual, denying your feelings and pretending. But at a certain point, it all clicked. You like girls as much as you like boys, and that scared the hell out of you when you first pieced it together. And it scared you even more to tell your friends about it.

You're pacing back and forth near the front door, waiting for your friends to arrive. You've invited them over under the guise of hanging out and having drinks. A typical Friday night. They have no idea what the real reason is, and how terrified you are. Tonight, you plan to come out of the closet.

You know you shouldn't be this freaked out. You really don't have anything to worry about when it comes to your group of friends. Robin is gay, Eddie (your ex) is bi himself and now dating Steve (also bi, obviously). And Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle are the most supportive people in the world to all of them. You know they'll love you no matter what, that they'll be happy for you. But you can't help being a nervous wreck regardless, you've always been a chronic worrier. 

Before you have time to fake being sick and call the whole thing off, the doorbell rings. “Fuck.” You mutter, smoothing down your shirt and running your hands over your hair to straighten up. You open the door, finding five smiling faces waiting for you. Steve's got a couple six packs in his grip, with Eddie gripping a bottle of whiskey while his other arm rests around Steve's waist. “Hey guys, come in.” You smile nice and wide, opening the door further to let them inside.

“Hey, Y/N. How's it going?” Robin asks, pulling you into a hug with her hands full of chip bags.

“Great, now that you're all here.” You say, genuinely meaning it. The second you’ve seen them all standing there in the entryway, you know everything is going to be fine. These wonderful people are your family, after everything you've been through together.

“Always happy to be around, sweetheart.” Eddie chimes in, helping Steve set the booze down on your kitchen counter just off the entrance to your apartment. Even though you're not together anymore, Eddie still drops the sweet names he used to call you. It's nice to be on such good terms with him, your break-up actually went pretty well. You cared about each other, and had a lot in common. But things just weren't working, and you decided you'd be better off as friends. Besides, he's never been happier now that he has Steve. And fuck knows Steve is totally over the moon to have his love after a long line of absolute duds.

“Thanks, Eds.” You reply, immediately grabbing the bottle of liquor to pour some into a glass. 

“Eager to get the party started, huh?” Jonathan asks, giving you an odd glance. It usually takes a wee bit of playful peer pressure to get you to drink up, and here you are beating them all to the punch.

“Yeah. Why not?” You answer casually, knocking back a shot's worth before filling the glass halfway. You don't even bother with ice, you need the full sting of the alcohol to loosen your lips a little. Everyone else gets their drinks, and you all make your way to the couch and chairs in your humble living room. Nancy sits on Jonathan's lap on the sofa, Robin and Argyle taking the space beside them. Steve and Eddie take chairs side by side, while you stay standing. 

“Something wrong, Y/N?” Steve questions, noticing your fingers anxiously tapping on your glass. Now that you're standing in front of them, your confidence is resting on shaky ground.

“Uh, yeah. I just, um…h-have something I've been wanting to tell you guys.” You start, eyes darting between them and the floor. 

“You're not knocked up are you?” Eddie jokes, earning a smack from Steve. “Ow! Sorry, kidding.” He puts his hands up defensively, ignoring the disapproving glare from his boyfriend.

“It's fine. And no, it's not that.” You let out a dry giggle, partially wishing it really was something that simple. 

“Ooh, does someone have a new boy toy?” Nancy pipes up, drawing ‘oohs’ from the others.

“Nah, he'd be hangin’ off her arm right now if she did.” Argyle chuckles. The rest of them laugh, too, further detracting from what you're trying to do here. You grip your glass tighter as they go back and forth making comments and poking fun. You know they mean well, and you love them to pieces. But you need a damn second to say this before you change your mind.

“That's not it, alright!?” You snap, shutting them up. The group looks at you with wide eyes, and you sigh. “Sorry. It's just really important that I tell you guys this. It's been weighing on me for a while, and I need you to listen.”  

“It's fine, angel. We shouldn't have interrupted. Tell us what's goin’ on.” Eddie says apologetically, gesturing to give you the floor. 

“Okay.” You pause, taking a deep breath. “I'm just gonna…come out and say it.” You scoff at your own unintended pun. “I'm…” You clear your throat, and spit it out already. “...bisexual.” You finish, holding your breath now as the room is still silent.

“Is that all?” Steve asks, raising an eyebrow. You frown, and he elaborates. “Sorry, I just thought we knew this already.” He shrugs.

“What? No!” You cross your arms, getting defensive. You search the eyes of your other friends, finding no amount of surprise in them whatsoever. “You mean to tell me everybody knew except for me?” You ask in annoyance.

“To be honest, princess? We thought you did, too.” Eddie replies, bearing an awkward expression.

“Well, I didn't, so…” You say meekly, overwhelmingly embarrassed. They all knew. It makes you wonder, if perhaps there's some big, obnoxious neon sign on your forehead that says ‘QUEER’ on it. Bright and flashing for everyone to see, except for you. “God, I’m a fucking idiot.” You scoff again, shaking your head. You down the rest of your drink, storming off to the kitchen for another. 

“Y/N.” Robin calls after you, getting up from her seat to follow you. The others are only a step behind, on a mission to comfort you. Rob meets you at the counter, putting her hand on your shoulder as you pour a larger glass this time. You hesitantly meet her gaze, wondering what she'll say. “Y/N, you're not an idiot. Okay? We know how hard figuring this out is. Well, most of us, anyway.” She gets a small laugh from the others at that, as well as you. “Look, maybe we knew before you did, but that's not a bad thing. We've been where you are. Hiding, denying, feeling confused and afraid. But we love you exactly as you are, no matter what.” She pulls you in for a tight hug, and you gladly squeeze her back with all your might. 

“You're stuck with us, babydoll. Us queers have to stick together.” Eddie adds, making you laugh through your happy tears. He joins in the hug, followed by the rest of your wonderful friends. 

“Thanks, guys. I'm so lucky to call you my friends, my family. I love you all so much.” You say affectionately, muffled against Robin's shoulder.

“We love you too, man.” Argyle speaks on everyone's behalf, earning silent nods as they surround you in a comforting huddle.

“You okay, Y/N? You went somewhere else for a minute there.” Chrissy pulls you out of your own head, concern staining the smile on her face.

“Yeah. I'm fine. Where were we?” You answer, focusing on sharing this moment with her. 

“Well…” She smirks, lowering herself to kiss your lips. It's soft and warm, and heat pools in your belly. “...I was gonna go down on my girlfriend.” Another kiss, firmer this time, but still just as loving. “Is that what you want, baby?” She purrs, waiting for your permission.

“Yes.” You whisper back, earning her mouth on yours once again. Chrissy slips her tongue past your lips, tangling with your own. Quiet moans leave you both, the temperature in the room quickly rising. Her fingers nimbly open the buttons on your blouse, the fabric parting to reveal your bra. Her hands trail up your waist and over your ribs, meeting the plush cups covering your breasts. She's not shy about squeezing them together, getting a real feel for the size and shape of them. “Chris.” You moan as her lips leave yours to find your neck instead. 

Chrissy’s movements are completely self-assured. Simultaneously keeping you at ease, and driving you wild with arousal. You've never felt more comfortable getting intimate with someone than you do right now. Every kiss and touch feels like the best decision ever made, all by her hand. Though it's far too early to say it out loud, it's certain that you're falling in love with her. “Sit up, I wanna see more of my gorgeous girl.” Chrissy coos, backing off to let you up. You do as she asks, and she gently sheds you of your shirt before reaching around to your back. The clasp of your bra unhooks as if by magic, the straps falling slack from your shoulders. She gingerly removes the piece of underwear from you, revealing your pert mounds, nipples stiffened in the centers. “God, you're so pretty.” Chrissy exhales, finding your gaze again. 

“Thanks.” You blush, bashfully looking up at her through your lashes. The way she's admiring you with her eyes, it's like you're a mythical goddess she's vying to worship. No man has ever looked at you this way, not even Eddie, who was definitely the best of them. It's as if you're truly being seen for the very first time. “Baby…” You let out a small giggle, having to turn away as her stare burns into you with the power of a thousand smiling suns.

“Oh, honey. Don't look away.” Chrissy tuts as she guides you to face her again, her soft fingers leading your chin. “You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Can you really blame me for getting lost in your image?” She says earnestly, the words charging the air with intense sexual electricity. It's official, you're about one step away from proposing if she keeps this up. 

“I guess not.” You chuckle, unsure what else to say. Without another word, Chrissy leads you to lie down again. She follows you downward, her lips finding your collarbone next. She takes your bare breasts in her hands, sweetly massaging them in her palms. Her thin fingers and thumbs lovingly work your nipples, earning more quiet moans from you. Her mouth travels further along, meeting the top of your chest. The kisses she leaves are silky and warm, dialing up the simmering heat inside of you at a steady pace. 

Chrissy keeps going, her hands leaving your tits to be replaced by her eager mouth. She kisses every inch she can reach, making your head feel light. Her hands reach further down your body, unbuttoning your jeans and sliding the zipper down its track. She slips inside the opening, finding what she imagines are matching panties. She presses on, no hesitation as she maneuvers underneath the luxe fabric to locate your needy clit. 

“Fuck.” You moan as Chrissy's fingertips whisper over the sensitive bud.

“Oh, you're so wet, honey...”  She smiles against your skin, pleased to know how good she's making you feel. She swirls your slick around, toying between your folds, circling your weeping hole. Her lips continue to worship your tits, licking and sucking to keep the pretty sounds spilling out of you. Your thigh happens to be between her legs in this position, and she can't help grinding against it as she's becoming rather worked up herself. She sighs into your flesh at the friction, your head spinning even more at the angelic sound.

“Feels so good, baby.” You say softly, cradling her head in your hand. Her strawberry blonde hair is in a ponytail, it almost always is, giving you the perfect view of her gorgeous face. Her plush lips and succulent tongue toil over your left nipple, her eyes blissfully closed. You can feel her breath fanning hotly across your skin, hear the soft moans as she slowly continues to grind on your leg, while her hand keeps riling you up inside your pants. After a few moments of being entranced by her, Chrissy slips two fingers into your soaked cunt. “Oh, god…” You whimper as she fills you up, curling her digits to hit your g-spot. The motion is slow and repetitive, teasing you before the main event. 

She pulls her lips away from your addictive flesh, cupping your cheek. “I can't wait to taste how sweet you are.” She says softly, shifting herself off of your thigh to rest between your legs. Her hands reach for the waistband of your jeans, pulling them down along with your panties. You're left completely exposed to her now, knees tented to reveal your soaked pussy. Chrissy's smile grows at the sight, a twinkle of lust in her eyes as her gaze shifts between your face and cunt. “You ready for me, Y/N?” She asks, one final chance to make sure you're ready for this.

“Yes. Please.” You reply, without a care in the world for how needy you sound. A breathy giggle leaves her at that, and she maneuvers herself above where you desire her most. Her eyes flutter at the scent of you, musky and inviting. It's tempting for her to kiss your inner thighs first, drive you a teensy bit more insane before giving you what you want. But the unabashed begging in your expression makes her think better of it. Instead, she leans in, and licks a thick, wet stripe from your entrance to your clit. “Oh, fuck…” You gasp loudly, clutching at the couch cushions with your hands. It would be obvious to say you've been eaten out many times before, but nothing like this. It's like Chrissy’s tongue was made for you, setting your insides ablaze with a single stroke. You've never experienced anything so intense before, it almost makes you feel like you've gone crazy, or been dosed with some unknown drug.

“That feel good, baby?” She asks, gingerly gripping your thighs to hold you in place. She's both surprised and amused that you tried so hard not to squirm or buck your hips from one simple touch.

“Yes. So fucking good, Chris. Better than anything I've ever felt before.” The words pour out of you as if on command, all sense of control leaving your already sweating body. 

“Yeah? Good thing I'm just getting started.” She says lowly, more dark and seductive than you've ever heard from her previously. It nearly sends your eyes rolling back into your head. That is, until her tongue returns between your folds where it belongs. 

“Fucking christ…” You moan as she carefully circles around your sensitive bud, occasionally licking downwards to find every last sensitive nerve at your entrance. It takes everything in you not to grind into her face, or pin her down with your hands. Instead, one hand grasps the end of the couch cushion, while the other claws for the armrest above your head. It's all you can do to keep yourself even slightly together, and focus on the immense pleasure Chrissy gives you.

“So sweet, baby. Such pretty noises, too.” She praises between passionate licks. 

You can’t offer much in reply besides your shameless moans, hands squeezing the plush of the couch as she drives you near the edge. It won’t take much longer at all, it’s almost embarrassing how quickly Chrissy has worked you up so close to climax. Her tongue prods around the spot that sends your knees buckling every time, making your thighs jerk in her grip. “Fuck.” You gasp, hoping she’ll keep touching you…

“Right there?” Chrissy asks in a sultry tone, repeating the motion to get an answer out of you.

“Yeah, fuck, right there. Don’t stop.” You answer breathlessly, sweat gathering on your brow, and in the bends of your knees. You’re practically digging holes into the upholstery of the sofa at this point, nails clawing so deep when you wish they were buried in Chrissy’s silky locks instead. Self-control wanes from you, and you can’t stop twitching and mewling with every stroke of her tongue against your pussy. 

“So close already, baby?” She asks, struggling to hold your legs still while she eats you out. 

“Mhm, don’t stop..please, wanna…wanna cum.” You say desperately to her, dangling over the precipice of complete and utter bliss now. All she has to do is cut you loose and let you fall. You can’t hold back anymore, your hands taking control of her head before you even register what you’re doing. There’s a gnawing need deep inside yourself, and you have to help Chrissy relieve it. She moans against you at your forcefulness, allowing you to take some control. Your fingers are weaved deep inside her hair, your hips rolling furiously into her pretty face. “So close, so close…” You whimper, panting like a feral animal. Your insides start to quiver as your orgasm comes into view, bright twinkling stars threatening to flood your vision. Chrissy pushes you that much further by keeping your pace, working your weak spot and your clit in tandem. “Oh, god, oh, oh, OH…” Your moans grow louder as your high ramps up, and one perfectly placed stroke of Chrissy’s tongue sends you toppling over the edge. “Chris一 fuck!” You cry out as your thighs tremble in her grip, hips bucking without rhyme or reason as you cum hard on her face. 

“Mm.” Chrissy moans as she drinks up your juices, her eyes glued to the beautiful expression on your face in this moment. Eyes screwed closed, mouth agape in ecstasy, skin glistening with sweat as pleasure rips through you. It’s an expression she’s only seen once thus far, but it’s one she’ll strive to see again and again for as long as she knows you. She strokes your thighs gently as you slowly come down from your high, planting a warm kiss to your hip before pulling away. “How was that, honey?” She asks, words dripping with honey as she lays herself on top of you. Her weight rests carefully over yours, drawing your lust-drenched eyes to find her gorgeous face gazing upon you with even more admiration than before, if that’s even possible.

“It was the best I’ve ever had, baby.” You say with a satisfied smile, lifting your head to give her a kiss. You hum at the taste of yourself, and the plush warmth of her lips. You pull away a moment after, lips still brushing against one another as the fire is reignited in your belly. “Your turn.” You add, soft and confident. You’re ready to take your first try at this, because with Chrissy, every single thing feels easy.

[shadowmaat]

Palia, a casual mmorpg review

A friend of mine was hyping a new game she was playing: Palia. Mostly she was hyping her attempts to romance one of the NPCs, but enough other details leaked through that I decided to give it a try. And I liked it.

I'm generally not a fan of the mmorpg genre, partly because I hate being social, and mostly because I hate fighting and my reflexes absolutely suck. Palia, thankfully, is more casual/cozy, and while there is a hunting aspect, they're all prey animals that run away. There's no fighting. Thank the gods.

The basic premise of Palia is that humans died out/disappeared a long time ago, leaving the world to the majiri, who have pointy ears and purple skin. There's also the grimalkin, a race of alien felinoids who arrived a few centuries ago and set up shop. And there are galdur, robots who have been around since the Age of Humans.

For Mysterious Reasons one of Palia's deities, the Phoenix, has started dropping humans back into the world, particularly around the remote village of Kilima. That's where the PC comes in.

A lot of Palia is your standard fare (I think). You get to know the NPCs and build relationships with them through talking and gift-giving (which is an actual mechanic of the game). There are quests and loot piles, and a number of skills you're meant to level up in: Hunting, Fishing, Mining, Cooking, Furniture Crafting, Foraging, Bug Catching, and Gardening.

The mainline quest, of course, is trying to figure out what happened to the humans and why you're suddenly reappearing. The list of items needed in order to complete the first part of the quest was... unpleasant, IMO, and involved a lot of epic-level rarity items that take a hell of a lot of time and resources to gather. That, again, is pretty much par for the course with games like this: allll the grinding. I've posted about that before, but thanks to some advice I did finally manage to get everything I needed. My main source of stress on that score is that I am a completionist, so leaving a task unfinished was stressful for me. Hells, it took me a while to accept that I didn't need to finish all tasks/requests immediately, and those are mostly plot irrelevant.

Once you accept that you don't need to do all the things right now ASAP, it's a lot more fun. Even the main quest only recently unveiled part 2, and while it includes some new (and easier, IMO) tasks to complete, it's also more waiting for the "big" update coming in '25, when a new area will be made available. Or I assume that's what's going to happen.

You get to build and decorate a house, which has been more fun than I expected. Tish, in particular, will make expanding your house easier, and you will get hecktons of furniture from loot boxes, from Tish's store, from recipes you can build yourself, and from the Grimalkin underground market.

I've been enjoying playing, even when all my current quests are filled. Even when there's "nothing to do" there's still stuff to do, and selling off all your excess supplies gets you more money for buying more things.

The NPCs are, for the most part, a lot of fun to interact with, even if every single one of them seems to have some tragic backstory. The only character I don't like is Tamala, and I think it's partly calculated that way. She's the witchy "vamp" type character and flirts outrageously with anything that has a pulse. I understand the narrative purposes of characters like that and I know the majority of the time the attitude is manufactured to keep folks at a distance, but I still find her unpleasant, manipulative, and mean-spirited.

The only real issue I have is that some of the longer-term players are clique-y assholes who like to tear into newbies for not following the unspoken rules of the game. Which are, y'know, unspoken.

Most people are very understanding of newbies and have no problem politely explaining the community-developed courtesy of "wait to chop down the magic trees til everyone can get here," but there's a handful who choose to bitch at each other about it and shame folks for chopping "too soon" and thus "ruining" it for everyone else.

Here's the thing: the grove of "magic trees" appears every in-game midnight, and time moves a hell of a lot faster in Palia, so you can get multiple groves in a single day. There is absolutely no reason to act like an inflamed, pustulating asshole just because you couldn't chop one grove. There's no reason to make newbies feel bad for not knowing something, especially when no one fucking tells them.

Thankfully that group is in the minority. I think I've only seen newbie-bashing bitch-fests twice, but that's still two times too many, IMO. Especially for, and I really can't stress this enough, something that isn't an actual rule of the game. If it was a rule, folks wouldn't be able to chop early. I appreciate the courtesy of people waiting for everyone to gather, but acting as if it's some grievous crime is fucking bullshit. Ugh.

Anyway, the game itself is fun. I love nerdy girl Jina and her helicopter mom galdur friend Hekla. Widower Ashura has Big Dad energy. Uptight librarian Caleri and her conspiracy-loving twin Elouisa. Zeki the grimalkin scoundrel with a heart of gold. Tau, the best pupper. Lots of fun and friendly characters, and very little need to interact with other players. You can also block/mute people or just mute the whole server, which is nice.

I'd recommend it, especially for people who like the idea of an open-world RPG thing but are more interested in stories than fighting. You'll get a lot of stories with Palia.

[gcldfanged]

NAME?: King_Kkeungi, Kkeungi, or Soda- If you've been around for the past 700 years...

PRONOUNS?: He/Him mainly, still trying to get used to They/Them over time. I identify as AFAB Transmasculine, but also very GNC.

MOST ACTIVE MUSES?: Jae (you are here!), also a shitload of others because I am literally insane.

EXPERIENCE/HOW MANY YEARS? Uhh, like back when AOL was still fucking dial-up. Shove that into your calculator, proceed to jaw-drop, and demand 'why would anyone put themselves through that, though'.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: In order of what I write the most: Angst, Smut, Fluff.

Angst is my bread and butter- We do love the bitter hardships, because a lot of personal growth and the potential for self-reflection.

Smut is usually me having no fucking clue what I'm doing, other than trying NOT to sound totally BORING for my poor writing partner.

Fluff is something that I normally get bored by, but I'm starting to appreciate more moments of Fluff and Domestic/Slice of Life content thanks to Oni?

I think the reason why the 'Second Chances' AU hits so differently is because our muses both didn't really experience a 'normal' upbringing nor childhood, so they're super motivated to allow this poor clone to just BE A CHILD and ENJOY LIFE and DEVELOP HIS OWN PERSONALITY. So, all of these seemingly minor and 'every day' occurrences and family-centered events aren't even things that Sephiroth and Jae-hyo have experienced in the past, like ever. And it's so far from perfect- They have no idea what they're doing, they both are better at killing people and being walking weapons than being like, emotionally attuned to a fearful child in a completely foreign environment. They're learning a ton of practical things, but they're also learning more about each other as individuals on an emotional level, which is really important development for them.

Anyway- Any of these three thread types can work for me, but obviously I am super into plotting and long-term exploration of our inter-muse dynamics!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: It honestly depends on how my muse responds to my partner's replies- But I tend to go overboard and focus way too much on introspection that my poor mutuals can't even respond to in-character... so I'm trying to work on that!

PET PEEVES?:

Being a jerk about tagging- It takes like 2 seconds? Even if I DON'T think my mutuals might be triggered, I still tag heavy subjects out of common courtesy. I don't need some random internet troll telling me I'm a 'widdle babey who can't handle real fucking life!11' just because they hate mentally ill people and are lazy. I have survived so much 'real life' shit that they would struggle handling like an adult?

Rules pages that are rude and worded super aggressively. Chill out. We've all had bad experiences, I don't turn around and decide to be a literal asshole to complete strangers who are simply interested in my writing.

Vagueing and Passive-Aggressive behavior. You don't like smut? Blacklist the tag for people's NSFW content. Making a post in public and outright shaming people who are supposed to be your friends just because you personally aren't comfortable with sexual topics is way out of line. Also, we've all been browbeaten into ONLY posting smut on Sunday for ya'll, what more do you want to enforce on other people's blogs?

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE?: All of my muses have some facet of their personalities that I generally base off of my personal experiences, but also I try to build each muse up with a strong sense of realism and do a ton of scholarly research in areas that I feel I am NOT well versed in.

Jae is probably the most... emotionally personal muse I have simply because I am actively exploring very serious and heavy themes with him that I myself have survived/been a victim of, in the past. It's a safe way for me to kind of explore said events in a more objective and rational fashion, rather than rehashing specific memories that can be extremely upsetting and makes trying to be kinder to myself incredibly difficult.

He is not a self-insert, though (not that I personally see anything wrong with self-inserts in fics or 'fan-geared content', but I also do not think it's a good nor healthy idea to roleplay yourself in an RPC). He's a character that was first birthed out of spite towards someone on my dashboard (via my Genesis blog) who was complaining about 'overpowered OCs' and claiming that there are 'too many SOLDIER OCs' and that the 'few Turk OCs are all lame yakuza wannabees and they suck'. Like, what fucking game did you play, fool? I swear to God, being exposed to all these cold-ass, rancid fucking takes from the general fandom side of the community has really soured my experience in the RPC as a whole.

TIME TO WRITE?: Morning is usually better for me, right after my medication kicks in. But it's also dependent on who I am talking to and how excited we both are for the threads/plotting.

TAGGED BY: @stupidiinspades/ @endlcssdreamiing / @endlcssdesiire TAGGING: @nightiingaled, @sadistpet, @inspiirefear, @wayan9an, @bukkuobujiendo, @serandipity, @agloryofuniicorns, @ilbound, @tredispade, @annjiru

[a41-i-finally-caved]

So, this is another OBX-centered ask. Just thought I'd put it out there in the first line, so you only read the following text, if and when you're in the mood for it.

I just wanted to say that the writers of the show are absolute and complete nincompoops (Yeah, I said it! And honestly, on top of everything else, it's just a plain dumb idea to kill off the most beloved character in your tv show, but that's not the point right now.)

The point is that reading your fanfics and scrolling through your tumblr, you seem to have so much love and excitement for the characters. I hope you keep your joy for writing in this fandom, and not just because I love to read it (because I do! obviously), but because nincompoops shouldn't have the power to take these things away.

F*** them.

PS. On a very personal note: Thank you for sharing your universes!

I know people who have struggled with childhood abuse. It's not something I've talked to them about a lot for a myriad of reasons, but reading some of your fics, have made me think about it a lot and encouraged me to have more honest and indepth conversations about these things than we have had earlier.

I really want to thank you for that.

I also love your fluffy bits, btw. Because it's really lovely worlds to be in, and that's really important too.

PPS. Supernatural, Teen Wolf - inspired OBX fic? That sounds so fun.

PPPS. This 'ask' is in dire need of some kind of question. I see that. I just don't know how to formulate one right now. You don't have to answer, either.

Thanks for the consideration anon! Very sweet of you <3

So leading up to the Part 2 drop, I had a friend warning me like 'no, this is from an actual source, they're gonna kill JJ' and I was just sitting there like 'okay I hear you but it'd be SO STUPID???' and did not believe them, the more fool me lmao. So I'm with you anon, absolute nincompoops

And of course <3 These fics were definitely written for me first and foremost, but posting 'em is for whoever decides to read. The idea that people I will never meet in my actual life can get something outta what I wrote? That is wild and amazing and also keeps me posting on a (somewhat) consistent schedule lol

Thank you for reaching out; I know say it a lot but I really do love hearing from you guys <3

I know you said this doesn't have a question but "Supernatural, Teen Wolf - inspired OBX fic?" looks like one to me! I've got a very small (sub 2000 words) doc for it that I will probably jump into again this weekend. Because God if it isn't the most ridiculous fun nonsense I've written in a while lmao

JJ is a werewolf who's not very good at the whole werewolf thing. Sure the books say he needs lots of physical contact from his pack, but since his dad's the only family he's got, that's off the table for obvious reasons.

Kiara's got a whole selkie thing going on with her parents locking away her seal skin. Mike and Anna were a forbidden love story so expect lots of extended Carrera family drama there

Pope will probably be the plot driver. He finds a diary from his ancestor: the great alchemist Denmark Tanny, which sends the kids on a wild quest to recreate his transmutation process, the key to wealth, health, and eternal life.

John B has some sort of luck manipulation going on, courtesy of his dad. He also may 1) die 2) come back different and 3) be hopelessly in love with his best friend (because I cannot help myself)

Sarah and Cleo will also be there, I just haven't solidified how yet lol Right now I only have the thinnest threads of plot or cohesion, but I'll see what I cook up :)

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2024-07-15

I've been trying to be more thorough in putting down my thoughts about things in here because increasingly I don't do it anywhere else. Sure picked a week though because I went on a completionist streak for some reason.

Listening: Courtesy of making some muffins, Wet Leg by Wet Leg, who you probably know from their hit Chaise Longue.

it's a good album, very much dreamy alt-indie voice. At its best produces some sounds that are more fun to listen to than the lyrics suggest, good command of phonemes.

Also, a late rec off IRC by proxy from @amiscellany with Literary Mind, a new single from SPRINTS. Big fuzzy guitar on a retro rock soundtrack about being in lesbians with a girl.

I haven't gone through the rest of their music but I will be checking it out.

Watching: Finished Scavenger's Reign which was on the Canmom Animation Night last weekend, I only caught the front end because we started late. Really gorgeous show, if you want carefully considered realistic spec bio this is not for you but if you love That Moebius Shit then it's ideal.

I then rewatched the back half with Animation Night last night! Love to talk to my friends about beans.

The main selling point is that it's beautiful but there is also some very fun body horror and good amount of character. Azi and Levi probably have the most interesting relationship, with Azi being genuinely quite normal and polite with her little robot who is suddenly becoming a person. The very long sweeping views and extended scenes of things just happening occasionally breaking out into bloody messes keeps you alert, you can't get too comfortable assuming some part of the world is safe for the visitors.

There's space catholics? What's up with the space catholics.

Oh yeah, here's the original short that started the show, which was fun to see at Animation Night

Also finally got through the last three episodes of The Mandalorian, which. I really like quite a lot of The Mandalorian. I like it when Star Wars explores its backwaters and odd corners. They keep putting the skywalkers in it. I feel like this might be a way to get us to empathize with the residents of the Star Wars universe, who presumable also groan and roll their eyes any time a Skywalker shows up on the holonet.

The pitch for Book of Boba Fett at the end of the show is great. They killed my guy Bib Fortuna! He didn't do anything to anyone, except for the hundreds of murders! I love this weird power couple of Shang and Fett.

Reading: Finished The Traitor Baru Cormorant and picked up Monster. I am a tragedy lover and so this is great. Baru is in a race to kill the monster she's been digested by and unfortunately she's losing.

I like a fucked up secret political cadre. It's probably the least realistic part of the series but I also wouldn't be surprised to find out that it's also a trap. I mean it kind of is! Explicitly it's a trap for the most powerful people in the Masquerade, finding unusually talented people and binding them up with secrets in service of the Empire.

Playing: Beat Indika which is interesting but could probably mostly have been an arthouse film. I like the styling! It is very Arthouse Film, the weird framing, the somewhat stilted dialogue, you can even see it in the camera work, both in game and in cutscenes. The camera goes on an angle if you look the wrong way, which is very intenional, and there's lots of really beautifully framed cutscene moments like the watermill in the factory.

Is Indika good? I'm not sure. I think if you highly value your money it might annoy you. It's doing some fun things with the interactive medium in a very different way from something like, say, What Remains of a Edith Finch. It's doing movie shit. I forgot that video games could push my GPU that hard though.

Started the Dark Souls NG+, currently just beat the Moolight Butterfly. I would really like to build a dex fighter to try out rapiers, maybe Ricards Rapier, but you really need to have the upgrades to make it put out enough damage to stand up to the increased NG+ HP pools.

Making: Helping a friend put together some furniture, but little else. Fiddled with some music stuff to make new ringtones for my new phone, not that I ever hear those, but I like to know that I have them there.

Tools and Equipment: It's central hot water maintenance week so I don't have piped hot water at home. Reviving the great tradition of the washbasin shows you that you can actually get pretty clean pretty easily with like two liters of warm water and some soap, the hard part is really just long hair, which was also hard for people to manage in the 16th century.