brattybytes

[brattybytes]

man I feel like shit, for plenty of reasons but mainly:

bad pain night. my legs hurt really bad, and im stuffy and have a migraine

im burnt out severely from everything. i want to drop everything, walk into the woods and never be seen again tbh.

lamenting over the fact that i dont have a partner, even though i also know that i dont think i should be dating anyone right now. like, idk. i simultaneously wish i had a partner that cares about me, and at the same time i never want to date anyone ever again because im sick of being mistreated

too damn hot in my fucking room

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Another reason I don't really date people anymore: Whenever I am I a romantic/ sexual partnership with someone, and I express my boundaries.., 🙃 they always freak out and guilt trip me with sui/sh bait.

It pisses me off and makes me feel like I'm not allowed to have boundaries.

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I am aboutta be so fucking done istg

I tell this guy "Hey please tone it down with the sexual stuff with me, I have a lot of sexual trauma and this is starting to trigger it"

And instead of keeping his stuff to himself he ignores my wishes and still yaps :X

I am sick of my wishes being disrespected. I'm going to have to toughen up and tell him to flat out Stop. He's a friend so I don't like having to be assertive and bossy, and he came to me for help w his problems... But man I tried to be nice and explain myself, but clearly that isn't working.

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See, real people being creeps towards me freaks me out. But if it was, like, Sun or Moon flirting with me?? Or any of my other f/os??

I don't care if they're being creepy towards me, I'm letting them manhandle me to the goddamn panhandle.

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I know i dont NEED to post every time i get flirted with but. 😭 Is what I just experienced even real?

I was hanging out with some folks I just met tonight in my usual game. We decided to let our inner demons out, so to speak, and I'm very afraid I accidentally came off as a manic pixie dream femboy. Because when we decided to play We Listen But We Don't Judge, one of them kept flirting with me but in an extremely overt sexual manner. And its like. Umm hmmm ...

I have to mention this person was like. 16? And I kept telling them to not say that kinda stuff towards me but uhhh. Yeah. They did get banned from the room I was in, but like. Wow... Okay then...

Really not helping my streak of bad luck with how many ppl are weird or creeps towards me :( Man I just wanna find someone who I can actually date who isn't a huge creep towards me ...

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I dont exactly have a personal slight against the whole daddy kink thing, cuz I can personally separate it from Other Stuff, and i dont have a father myself so for me it wouldnt really link up to a perceived sexualization of incest (which. Yknow. I heavily dislike incest fetishization in general. I find it gross and unhealthy.)

But also like. I'm kinda bored of all these guys I have / had a sex thing with wanting me to call them daddy. You are not built like a daddy you built like a high school flunky dropout

Again. I dont mind it. But it bores me a little bit

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I hate admitting this but I'm kinda jealous with how many of my friends are dating, especially dating each other. Like, I'm also proud of them for finding genuine connections they love and cherish on such a deep level. But also all I get are creeps or people I'm not interested in dating... And all the people I AM interested in are already dating someone else, and I'm not polyamorous so I wouldn't do a poly thing with them.

Like .. at the end of the day, its not their fault for finding love, and I know it's a personal problem with myself. I feel like a vindictive bitch when I admit that I'm kinda upset at seeing how many people around me are so happy, and all I get is shit...

Its kinda funny saying I'm jealous of them and yet, I'm both arospec and acespec, and not exactly interested in most people outside of fictional characters. Idk, I'm just a walking talking contradiction.

And I'm not normally this bitchy but I've flummoxed myself into a bad mood. So yeah I'm gonna be bitchy for a while.

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Once again I have the distinct and violent urge to remove myself from all public spaces because I'm in an intense "I hate people so fucking much" mood right now

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I can hardly wait for my damn vibrator to finally come in .. it should be here by Friday, but. Hhngh. I'm just tired of using only my hands. And i don't fancy penetration when jerking off.

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"Do you like that, Sunshine? hm?" Hi KJHGKSJHGS uhhh yeah haha uHHH YEAH HAHA runs away

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I literally feel like I'm in heat like. What the hell

Need my fictional robot men to become real so they can use me like a little bitch and fuck me as much as they want

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Anyway. All of that aside. I want Moon to leave little bite marks, hickies, and scratches all over my body. I want him to be a little possessive and mark me as much as he wants, so that he can show everyone else who i belong to

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Like I really thought. My ass thought I could escape!!

My like... Four? Five? Years of being single went down the drain with these last 2 instances and its like.

The problem isnt that I refuse to accept people love me. I'm happy that people think I'm a sweet, kind and caring person, and that my friendliness (and awkwardness...) makes me a potential partner for them. I'm aware I deserve love much like anyone else.

I think its moreso that... Being crushed on feels overwhelming. And my arospec ass can flip between demi and cupioromantic real easy sometimes. I Dont really easily get crushes on people, but the *idea* of entertaining a relationship with someone who wants me is extremely enticing. Maybe also selfish, now that I think about it. Because I don't have the same feelings for them that they do for me, usually...

Even worse when it comes to sexual attraction. I'm usually not attracted to people in that way, but the thought of engaging in a relationship like that despite me not being attracted to them the same way... Is enticing!!

Ugh. i feel like something is wrong with me the more I think about it. Or maybe I'm overthinking.

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Its starting to make me physically ill how many people seem to get crushes on me because I'm a decent person...

Like. The worst part is I hate breaking up with people because I'm a sensitive little pussy and I hate hurting people. I hate having to be tough and assertive, because there is really no easy way out of "Hey, I like you, I love and care deeply about you, but I don't think a romantic partnership between us will be feasible"

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The realization is sinking in. I need to lay down on the floor for a little while and possibly fall asleep down there

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Grrr I hate being violently horny and on my period bc I'm also violently dysphoric :^)

Need to get fucked into the damn GROUND by these stupid sexy robots

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On a happier note I have been getting more comfortable with my friends and sharing more about myself :3

Friend 1 randomly asks me + another friend if we're more submissive or dominant. I go "Oh yeah, I'm DEFINITELY way more submissive." Friend 2 goes "Yeah, I can tell!" All cheeky and in good fun.

And then letting it slip I tend to fantasize about myself being with fictional characters. As a result I got asked if I fancy the same character Friend 1 roleplays as and I just kinda went "....Mmmmaybe."

I got exposed xD