#i'm on my hand and knees with tears in my autism eyes

[girly-sidetails]

exit doors - a naoyo/shiromura fanfic

Naoto needs a roommate, and Yosuke, desperate to escape the stifling environment of Inaba, takes them up on the offer. Unfortunately, it's a lot harder to keep secrets in close quarters.

Preview under the cut!

The granny's still waving at them as they exit, Yosuke holding two bags, Naoto with just one hugged to her chest, like it's a bit too heavy. When Yosuke asks to take it from her, she huffs again.

"If I can run around the TV World for several months, I can carry a bag of groceries," she insists.

"Alright." He backs off. "...Is that lady always like that?"

"Shibata-san? Yes, she is." Naoto adjusts her hold on the bag she's carrying so she can unlock the door to their apartment. "Don't take anything she says to heart. She doesn't see her grandchildren very often, so she dotes on everyone who comes in."

"And you talked to her about...me?"

"I mentioned I was getting a roommate, and accidentally let it slip that you were male. She now has the idea in her head that we are in some sort of...relationship, and refuses to listen to reason."

He pulls out the dessert the granny had slipped in. "Hence the cake?"

It's a chocolate monstrosity, layers of rich chocolate cake and frosting, topped with little heart-shaped sprinkles, and a drizzle of something that seems like it could be raspberry. It was probably meant for Valentine's day, now that he thinks about it.

Naoto grimaces at it. "You can toss that, if it bothers you."

"Nah, I think we should eat it!" Yosuke insisted, throwing an arm around Naoto's shoulders. "Let's make this "Not-A-Relationship-But-Roommates" thing official! We'll cut the cake, get matching rings, adopt a dog--"

She laughs, seemingly despite herself, but pushes him away. "Unfortunately I'm not much one for sweets, Senpai."

"Aw, are you sure?" He pulls out the case of cup ramen. "C'mon, let's do dinner. Get kidney stones together."

"Actually I...have plans tonight, Senpai."

Ah. Yosuke's balloon of happiness deflates. "You didn't mention that earlier."

"It was a last-minute thing," she explains, but she's not quite meeting his eyes and it puts him on edge. "It's for work."

"Oh."

"Mm-hm."

There's a beat of silence that Naoto breaks by readjusting her coat and checking her watch. "I really should get going..."

"Oh. Oh yeah, sure. Have a good night."

Naoto leaves immediately after, the sound of the door closing the only noise before Yosuke is enveloped by silence. He feels frozen for a minute or two after, not just unable to move, but cold. He presses his palms into the edge of the table, wood digging in hard enough to leave a noticeable indent, breaks himself out of his trance. Shakes his head, clears his mind, and throws on his headphones before any other thoughts can enter, cranking the volume.

When his groceries are put away, he cracks open the plastic to-go box the cake is packaged in and takes a bite, Naoto's not-being-here be damned.

It's a really good fucking cake.

[babiebom]

Completely understandable that you don't do full on smuts!!! Maybe just a Seb x autistic reader smut drabble? Or whatever youre comfy with!! I'm not picky ^_^

A/N: it took me a while to figure out what I was comfortable with that was good enough to post so I hope you like what I wrote!! Since I don’t write smut I hope this wasn’t too bad or awkward for you to read. I’m gonna try and get better at it so at some point I can actively write smut without feeling all weird about it. Also again hopefully I wrote this in a way that is like obvious that it’s autism but not in a stereotypical way? It’s kinda how my hyperfixations work? Idkidk

Tw:sexual content, cursing. Let me know if there’s anything else I should tag

Wc:0.5k

Stardew Masterlist

Your mouth held still around his throbbing length as you swallow multiple times. He squirms above you, hands balled up at his sides. “H-how long are you going to do this?” He asks. You suck experimentally a couple times before coming up for air.

“I don’t know…I have to try everything out!” You move your hair back out of your face, taking one of his hands and helping him grip near your scalp. “If this’ll help then go ahead and pull”.

His eyes roll back as you put your mouth back onto him. His grip on your hair tightened and he moans loudly. You suck harshly, trying to take more of him down your throat. When you hit the back, your throat tightens uncomfortably, trying to push out the offending object.

Removing your mouth once more, you huff in annoyance. “The stupid guide said that if I practice I could do it…”

Sebastian breathes in a ragged breath, blinking rapidly. His mouth opens and closes a couple times, sucking in breaths as you continue to stroke him. Your phone is in your hand, the website you’ve been using as a guide pulled up. It was new, this hyperfixation on blowjobs in particular. Only having become your obsession about a week ago, and for that week you had been training yourself to get rid of your gag reflex, but obviously now it’s not working.

Lapping at his dick, you breathe in and take him in as far as you got the last time, breathing in through your nose. He bucks his hips up, hitting the back of your throat in quick jabs. Tears spring in the corner of your eyes. In annoyance you punch at his thighs, trying to get him to keep his body under control.

Rather than calming down, your angry little punches rile him up even more, his moans growing louder by the second. You whine, looking up at him not bothering to take your mouth off of him anymore.

“I can’t help it…” he grunts, now totally taking control to fuck your face. “You’re just doing too good”. You allow him to thrust, his head thrown back as he allows himself to chase the release he had wanted for an hour now.

Thankfully for you, his thrusting allowed you to take almost all of him in your mouth, getting farther than you had when you were focused on that and that only. Sebastian curses loudly as he finishes in your mouth, whining as you swallow around him.

Sitting back, you look up at him proudly not bothering to fix your hair as you wipe at your face. His face is red and sweaty, his eyes closed and his head tilted back as he tries to catch his breath. “I’m…so sorry…” he pants.

You shrug, moving to sit on his bed, knees aching. “Doesn’t matter…we can try again in an hour or two.”

He looks up at you, and chuckles at the unashamed smile on your face. This is going to be a long couple of weeks.

[chi-icha]

This is a very oddly specific request, but is it possible for you to have a comfort scenario with Wanderer/Scaramouche where an autistic reader has been feeling insecure and hurt regarding their flat affect because a manager at work essentially embarrassed them publicly by treating them like a child and accused them of "having attitude" when they were asking a simple question all because the manager decided a monotonous voice = attitude, and because of that they've started masking more obviously, have stopped speaking as often for the most part and only use very exaggerated and fake tones when they do speak.

I recently this happen to me and the whole argument with my manager has left me so embarrassed and ashamed of my autism, my meltdowns and my flat affect that I'm literally handing my resignation in the next shift I have and I'd love a comfort scenario for it, especially since I tend to see Wanderer as autistic, since his vocal tone in EN feels very similar to my own in some ways- I feel like he'd get it.

I apologise if the prompt is too overly specific or if it's unclear but I felt I'd ask anyway because I feel so hurt ashamed right now and don't even want to speak anymore and I hate feeling like that over something I have no control of.

oh dear, i’m really sorry that happened to u :( i understand how hard it is to communicate when you have difficulty doing it. even if i myself don’t have autism, i understand that people who do have difficulty in daily life. people all around should respect and try to help instead of making a whole deal out of it

and don’t apologise!! nothing is your fault to begin with, and you don’t have to apologise for something you can’t control or are not even conscious about it.

you feel your eyes prick with tears, even if you don’t want to cry. it makes you feel weak, and no one should be weak, or so you thought.

you feel like punching your manager, but that’s not allowed. what else are you supposed to do? just let them treat you like a child and deal with it. fuck, no.

you sit down on a bench in a particularly isolated area in Sumeru, hoping to god no one comes and bothers at this time of day. After fighting with your manager about something that could’ve just been resolved without a problem, you feel exhausted, lonely, even.

“crying alone? I thought I’d never see the day.” a slightly flat voice comes from in front of you, a few metres away. you know that voice, and it gives a slight smile to your face and a warm feeling in your chest.

there he stood, crossing his arms while having a small, amused smile on his face. but it’s not the kind of smile that’s meant to mock you, it’s more like a jab that close friends do; harmless and a little funny despite the situation.

“shut up..” you mumble while gently wiping your eyes, the smile rising on your face despite trying to hide it, not wanting to please that fucker. Wanderer huffs softly, then invites himself to sit beside you and crosses his legs while propping his chin on his palm, elbow neatly placed on his knee just so he could get a good look at you.

sure, seeing you cry was a little rare to see since you always seem so.. monotonous or flat, for lack of better word. he knew little bits of what your relationship with your manager was, and to say he was disgusted was an understatement at best.

“manager?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow and tilting his head slightly to the side.

he knew how to read you like an open book, which is both a blessing and a curse.

“yeah,” your voice was soft, and he immediately caught up on that. usually your voice would be at the same pitch he’s used to. “nothing much though, just..”

you trail off, not knowing how to finish your sentence without thinking of how much of wuss you sound like. you bite your lip, and his form a soft frown.

the silence draws for a little longer, and you feel like you should’ve shut up. your head hangs low, your thumbs fiddling together and mentally beating yourself up for creating such an awkward atmosphere from just trying to speak. fuck, why was speaking so hard—

he hums, just a flat one that seemed to silently say he understood whatever you were trying to silently say.

he inches closer, hand holding the back of your head before pulling your body close to his. he hopes his artificial skin would help you warm up, even if just a little could be nice.

with the help of his comforting touch despite the coldness of his artificial skin, you chuckle softly despite the tears gently streaming down your cheeks. just small ones, but wanderer finds himself wiping them away anyway.

“that’s enough crying,” he cringes at his own voice, failing miserably at trying to form a warm tone and he stays silent, hoping you just understand that he’s genuinely trying to comfort you.

you smile softly, burying your face a little on his neck to not let anyone else see you cry as your arms softly wrap around him, squeezing gently to relieve some of your own tension.

“thank you.”

your voice was but a whisper, but he finds his skin to redden slightly anyway.

please please pleasee correct me if anything is incorrect about autism or any other issues about my writing :(( i have no friends or relatives who have autism, so i really don’t know what it’s like. i made a little research about it but i really don’t know if it’s correct or not 😔

[moncherijoie]

OMG a Super Junior fan so HELLO!!!! (I'm a ELF and a SMTOWN boy group fan with Autism so it's nice to meet you.)

Can you write a fluff of Leeteuk (He is my favorite bias!) when he will have a birthday date for reader? (My birthday is on July 20 and I will turn 24 this year.) Thank you very much.

Hope you are having a wonderful day, sunshine!

~Queennie

Hi! It's nice to meet you aswell! I wanted to write things for suju as all the other ones people write are from years ago. Shed a little light for them! I hope you enjoy this fluff and your birthday this year Queennie!💕

𝑶𝒉 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆!

𝓛𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓾𝓮𝓴❤︎

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏

The wind blew softly. Allowing your hair to sway as you carefully walked forward. "Babe I want to see!" You reached for Leeteuk's hands that were covering your eyes but he wouldn't budge. "Just a little longer!"

You felt your heart racing as you heard the ocean in the distance. "Ta-da! You like it, right?" Leeteuk asked once he removed his hands.

You smiled seeing he layed out a plaid picnic blanket and your favorite snacks with gifts placed to the side. "I like it, like our first date."

You were in awe looking up to the sky. Hues of purple, blue, pink and gold were blazed across the sky. Leeteuk took his chance and took a picture with his phone. "So pretty!" He said lovingly as he saw the preview of the image.

"Thank you for doing all of this." You said softly as Leeteuk pulled out champagne bottle preparing to pop it open.

"Anything for you my love." The top pops off and Leeteuk hands you a glass before he pour his own.

"Tonight, I raise my glass not just to you, but to the moments that brought us together in love. In your eyes, I found a universe where every star whispers your name, where every sigh carries the melody of our shared dreams. To the laughter that dances in the air between us, to the tears that water the garden of our growth, to the silent embraces that speak volumes of our connection. Here's to you, my love, my anchor in the storms and my guiding star in the dark. May our love continue to bloom, painting the canvas of our lives with hues of joy, passion, and everlasting devotion. Cheers to us, to our journey, and to the beautiful chapters yet to be written. I love you Y/n, now and for always."

You would be lying if you said that his words didn't move you. Your eyes glisten. Tears of joy threatening to fall as you put your arms around Leeteuk and kiss him.

He held your back with one hand as the other still had the champagne. You pulled away and looked deep into his eyes. "I'm so glad that you showed up in my life."

"Same to you...cheers?"

You giggles as the glasses clank together before the two of you took a sip.

It was like time stood still as the two of you found solace and peace. "Hey...I got this video for you I want you to watch." He unlocks his phone and hands It to you to watch the video. As you watched you didn't notice he was recording with a camera where u couldn't see.

ఌ︎ꨄ︎ఌ︎ꨄ︎ఌ︎

"Hey guys it's Leeteuk here and I think I just found the one. The love of my life. The rose in my garden of thorns. And the light to my darkness. Without her I'm sure I'll be nothing. Yes, all I need is here and I'll feel like I have everything I've ever wanted in this world."

ఌ︎ꨄ︎ఌ︎ꨄ︎ఌ︎

You were confused as the video suddenly cuts off. "Baby you know we first got together on your birthday right?" Leeteuk as his eyes started tearing up.

"Yes happy anniversary baby what's wrong?" The two of you got up and looked at the waters. "I want to make it more special for you."

You caught Leeteuk getting on one knee and immediately started crying. "We've been in the dating stage. I've given you my promise ring of devotion. And now I'm giving you this ring, for you to be my future wife. You know so little of how much you mean to me and I want to prove it to you. Y/n L/n would you marry m-"

"Yes! Yes Leeteuk I will marry you!" You quickly hugged him which caused the both of you to fall. But you didn't care you just wanted him and he wanted to till the end of your days. You felt truly cherished and adored on your special day.

[panickingpansexuality]

Together? Until the End

Elliott x Autistic Reader

Autistic people have the average life span of thirty-six years at least in the United States and when I'm reminded that I don't get a lot of time on Earth I get really upset. So this is an intense story of what people may need to hear. So this story talks a lot about death and self harm, you have been warned.

Also it is almost one in the morning so I am not sure if this will be any good.

It was another bad night, something that you often dealt with alone, but now that you were dating an incredibly considerate guy you didn't have to.

Elliott had come over around five to spend the night, he expected to find you outside with your cows or maybe even resting in the grass under a tree, not in bed clutching a stuffed animal to your chest like a life line.

"Love?" Elliott said, coming towards you.

You pressed your face into the stuffed animal as he came closer, Elliott sat near your knees in the bed. His presence making it a little easier for you to be cope.

He knew about your Autism and your history of self harm (he kissed most of your scars whenever he could reach them, a habit he also made when going in between your thighs), but what he didn't know about was this small piece of Autism that you didn't like to share with anyone and you were certain he didn't know.

You only found out when you were a teenager and now that you're older you felt like you didn't have hardly anytime left and you wanted it. You wanted to spend as much time as you could with him, you wanted him engraved into your soul so that in every life you'd remember how you loved each other, how safe he made you feel.

"(y/n)?" Elliott said, his voice pulling you from your thoughts.

"I have to tell you something." You say, "And I'm giving you another out, if you want to leave after I tell you then I won't judge you because no one deserves this."

Silently, Elliott grabbed your hand and squeezed it. The last time you told him this was when you two had first started to become interested in each other and it was when you told him you had autism.

You say up your one arm still clutching the stuffed animal around your chest.

"So autistic people have a shorter life expectancy.." you say unable to look up at him "We're given thirty-six years, sometimes maybe to our fifties, mainly our deaths are from suicide or heart problems...most of the time from stress of having to be "normal" in front of others."

Elliott gripped your hand as tight as he could, he took a deep breath studying the lines of your face. He felt his heart shatter in his chest, he wanted nothing more than to tuck you inside his pocket and keep you safe until you were both one-hundred.

"Can I hold you?" He asked

You nodded and you two met in the middle, your legs going around his waist, his head going to the spot in between your neck and shoulder.

"I'm don't want to leave you so early." You say crying. "I just got you. I don't want to leave you."

"You won't." Elliott said his voice broken, "You're gonna live so much longer."

"I get reminded about it every now and again," you say, "and I just get upset I'm sorry."

"No, no." Elliott said, "You're fine, you don't have to apologize, I'm glad you told me."

"Really?" You ask tears coming out of your eyes.

"Absolutely," Elliott responded, "It gives me an opportunity to insure that you will have a long and happy life. You are my entire world (y/n) and I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you here until we're both one-hundred."

You chuckle into his shoulder and kiss any part of his body you can reach without moving too much. You both move to lay on the bed, facing each other, Elliott's head above yours. His cheeks red from the tears that slipped out.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." You say, "I just..felt like it was something you deserved to know."

"It's not your fault." He said brushing the hair on your head.

"The idea of losing you is worse than any Hell that I could be put through."

"If I do die." You say, "I'd most likely leave the farm to you, you could sell it if you want or live here."

"Why on earth would you leave me anything?" He asks, "You've given me so much already."

"I plan on marrying you." You tell him, face going red, "So legally it would go to you."

Elliott tenses for a small moment and pulls away from you for a moment to look down at you and give you a soft smile.

"I'm glad we have the same plan for our futures together."

You laugh and lean up to kiss him sweetly, kisses with Elliott are always an occasion, they leave you breathless and needing more.

Quickly it becomes your hands roaming against each other wanting nothing more than to just kiss each other and keep each other grounded.

His hands go up your shirt and trace the scars from a time not yet forgotten, he leaves your lips only to go down and inspect your body to make sure you haven't relapsed.

"It's been a bad day." You say, "I'm glad you got here when you did."

"I am too." Elliott says coming back up to your lips, "Another moment away from you and I would've sold my soul to have some magic to transport me to you whenever one of us needed each other."

You roll your eyes at him, smile up at him and press another kiss on his lips.

When your make out session has ended the two of you lay in the bed, too lazy to get up and leave each other's warmth. Looking at Elliott you can't help but appreciate the time you are allowed to have with him and until he can find the fountain of youth to keep you both going for as long as he wishes, you'll just have to cherish every moment with him.

[doorsclosingslowly]

5, 12, 25

For the character ask game, please!

thank you!!!!

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I'm super partial to a past sexual relationship between Théoden and Gríma that started sometime after Théodred's mother died and Gríma first gained a higher position in Meduseld.I don't think it was particularly emotionally fulfilling for Gríma because he considered it part of social climbing and any admission of weakness towards Théoden would also count against his promotions. Théoden never wished to acknowledge the relationship beyond the bedroom. Gríma was almost relieved when Théoden was weakened enough by his and Saruman's magic to no longer recall Gríma's bedside duties.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

My first impression on reading the books that there was an outsider no-one liked in Rohan who'd earned everyone's contempt because of his secret loathsomeness and then later Gandalf idly discussed how much he'd suffer and did nothing to intervene. Naturally I imprinted on my fellow human monster (in my case, the secret loathsomeness that made no one like me was undiagnosed autism lol).

I've also always loved henchmen, and Gríma's a classic henchman. Henchmen get hurt and killed without thought while the Boss gets offered mercy (they both are offered mercy in Tolkien though and he has my respect for it).

I do think my child self is essentially correct, though now I add that Gríma is hot, Gríma's the only goth in jock Rohan in the movies and therefore gets extra solidarity, Brad Dourif does a great performance, and that perhaps Gríma did more things wrong than my knee-jerk solidarity child self was willing to admit

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think of them?

Sopor Aeternus & the Ensemble of Shadows - Do you know my name? / What has happened while we slept

We have revived the water... or perhaps it simply woke up on its own. Anticipating, it is murmuring now along its ancient bed. Where is the stone, the tower, that worships and reveres us? No such a stone is here, I swear, well feeling that there should be On hottest rods we're shooting through the night along a private garden-way, though we no longer have any business being here On the left-hand side the greenhouse of a market garden What fragile shoots are being sheltered there?! Merry Rock, dressed in the midnight gown of tears, he is sitting on the floor and cries, his eyes are gazing at the western sky Oh everything seems lost to him Tapping his shoulder gently, my desire hardly concealed: You've done a lot already, and much more you will achieve! Sweet syrup consolation is dripping from my mouth... Can I myself believe this solemn vow?

I shattered all the mirrors fearfully hoping they won't be able to remember my face. Darkest of all lights most greedy to embrace surrounded by demons or breathing in life... Between the tides the time seems endlessly the force of habit or whatever pulled me back into a well-known pain. What uses the knowledge of my progression when the old world is gone without a new in sight, with my new found life I am homeless again...

I adore this song and it's a sign of my favouritism towards Gríma that it makes me think of him but just listen, and think of Gríma after Isengard falls, forced to walk west...

[tma-entity-song-poll]

Battle of the Fear Bands B2R3: The Corruption

Thermodynamic Lawyer:

““Disease is her primary language” - every line of this is filled with rot and disease and bugs and it’s 100% corruption.”

Stalker's Tango:

"toxic love is very corruptiony"

Lyrics below the line!

Thermodynamic Lawyer Esq, G.F.D:

(I hold myself in contempt) Tearing the hair off a black baboon's skull Here's a bitch with some four-thousand names Vomiting lies through her theremin throat As some businessmen pick at her brains Pulls back skinny lips to reveal a proboscis Seems Seth Brindle's at it again Tears pages from spines as she judges the cover And shamelessly spoils the end Blood vessels drying and curling inside are Unfurling from out of her wrists Well, she wrings out a snake and collects all its poison Intending to learn it to hiss Foams at the mouth with a head full of acid And giving some poor illness the blame Knocking the pieces the fuck off the chessboard Insisting that she's won the game So all that I see absolute entropy As the chemical bonds fall apart Well, it seems she broke me But I swear she could not break my heart She could not break my heart, oh lord Makes up excuses for throbbing black bruises And uses them to her advantage Never came down from her last trip, oh Jesus Disease is her primary language Garbled and gruesome, her words so absurd Like a herd of transmissions from Apollo 13 No apology, I request misery So no rest 'til I've twisted her chest round my knee So squeal like a trolley wheel, cry like a baby With autism strapped to a ceiling fan Soil your visage with mucus and twisting of features unable to stand Buckle your knees looking up at me And beg me to spare thee the back of my hand For the sake of humanity, die of your blight We're blessed, you're barren as Mojave sands So all that I see absolute entropy As the chemical bonds fall apart Well, it seems she broke me But I swear she could not break my heart, whoa Now all that I see absolute entropy As the chemical bonds fall apart Well, it seems she broke me But I swear, she can go fucking die (kill yourself) You can go fucking die (kill yourself) Go fucking die (kill yourself) Kill yourself and go die

Stalker's Tango

I know, I know, I know this situation's strange It takes a little getting, a little getting used to Love me, love me, love me, love me Love me, love me, love me, love me Love me, love me, love me, love me more Than you possibly can It's not that complicated, no matter what they say You'll never meet another me It's not that difficult to get your head around You'll never meet another me You'll never-never-ever-never ever meet another me I know, I know, I know I'm always in your place But don't you see, my dear? I am your Doppelgänger Have your faith so Love me, love me, love me, love me Love me, love me, love me, love me Love me, love me, love me, love me more Than you possibly can It's not that complicated, no matter what they say You'll never meet another me It's not that difficult to get your head around You'll never meet another me You'll never-never-never-ever-ever meet another me Ey-ey-ah Bada-bam-bam-bam-bam Bada-bam-bam-bam-bam Bada-ba-ah Bam-bam-bam-bam Bada-bam-bam-bam-bam Bada-bam-bam-bam-bam Bada-ba It's not that complicated, no matter what they say I'll never meet another you It's not that difficult to get my head aroundI'll never meet another you

[sapphosvioletts]

Only Yours

Part 2

Natasha Romanoff x Autistic Daughter reader

(+ Melina and Yelena)

Part 1

Summary:

Natasha met her daughter in the Red Room when they were paired together. They've been extremely close ever since. When Natasha comes back from her mission to find her sister, and taking down the Red Room in the process, her daughter has to try and be okay with the fact that there are now two new people she has to share her mom with, Melina and Yelena

Word count: 1,137

Warnings: description of meltdown

Note: Not every autistic person experiences autism the same. I'm autistic and I am writing from my perspective of how I personally experience autism, but not everyone feels the same as me or has the same perspective as I do.

.oOo.

It's been about a week since Yelena and Melina arrived with my mom. They are all out of the medbay, each getting their own room on our floor. Ever since my mom has been back and sleeping in her room, I've been joining her. I missed her, and sleeping with her always seems to keep my anxiety at bay.

I selfishly am glad that Yelena and Melina are out of the medbay because it means I have my mom back. I've spent almost every second so far attached to her side, refusing to be separated again.

Yelena and Melina have been nothing but kind to me, but I still can't help but resent them. It makes me feel incredibly guilty because they have been so sweet, and I still feel this way about them. Of course, I don't show my resentment to them, I have a hard time being mean to people, which at times can work against me since I won't stand up for myself.

I have barely talked to them, only muttering occasional single words. But I try not to come off as rude, like by giving them small smiles.

.oOo.

I frown when I walk into the kitchen and see my mom handing over one of my stim toys to Yelena, showing her how it works and what it does. I don't like other people touching my things, I only let people I entirely trust touch them. I'm attached to many things, even objects, and I get so worried that people will break or ruin them. It's scary when someone else touches them. Only my mom is allowed to touch them, and no one else.

I turn on my heel and run back to my room, feeling incredibly frustrated. I close my door and slot myself into the small area between my desk and wall, needing to be somewhere small and comforting.

I rock back and forth and hug my knees to my chest, feeling just about ready to scream. It feels like there's just too much going on inside of me, with no way to express or get rid of it, it's almost painful. I bang my feet on the hard floor in anger, until my heels hurt too much I can't take it anymore.

I dig my fingernails into my legs, squeezing as tight as I possibly can. I let my shoulder bump against the wall with every rock, needing more sensory stimulation. This goes on for a couple more minutes, until I've thoroughly exhausted myself. My sobs have died down to only tears, and my breathing was heavy, but not hyperventilating. I lean to the side against the wall tiredly, my whole body feeling heavy now.

I jump when there's a knock on the door, and then the familiar red head pops her head in. She furrows her brows when she doesn't see me, but her face quickly turns into a frown when she finally spots me. She closes the door behind her and makes her way towards me.

She sits in front of me, laying a gentle hand on my knee. She takes note of the imprints left on my leg from my fingernails, some which had small droplets of blood coming from them. She noticed the bruises already starting to form my heels and ankles as well.

"Oh honey, did you have a meltdown." I nod, not making eye contact. I pull my hands out and hold them out, she immediately holds them in hers. "Can you speak?" She asks gently. "Yeah" I mutter in response.

She looks down and sighs for a moment, before looking back up at me. "Honey... I can tell that something is going on and making you feel bad, can you please tell me so I can help you." I rest my chin on my knees and start running my fingers along her wrist, enjoying the repetitive feeling as a stim.

After a couple more seconds, I nod. She gives me a small, encouraging smile. "Here let's start with how you're feeling right now. What are you feeling right now?" She knows that I sometimes have a hard time starting, with answers or tasks or anything really, so she tries her best to help.

"I... I don't know." I huff out, stomping my feet against the ground in frustration. I don't know what I'm feeling, and I hate it. "Okay, that's alright honey." She takes a deep breathe before speaking. "Is it Yelena and Melina? I know that I've been spending a lot of time with them recently, and them moving in is a really big change. It's probably really overwhelming for you, yeah?" I feel my eyes water, mostly in relief, because she understands.

"You... you're my mama. You're mine. And now I have to share you with two people I just met. And I feel guilty for it because Yelena and Melina are so kind, and you have still taken care of me and been there for me through everything, but I still can't help but resent them. Cause you're mine!" I say the last part almost angrily, stomping again.

I didn't even realize I had just spilled everything to her, but it does make me feel slightly better at getting it all out. I gulp nervously as I look up at her hesitantly, slightly scared of her reaction. I know she would never get angry at me, but that fear has just always been instilled in me from the Red Room.

"Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I'll always be yours, no matter what. I know that it might be hard to have to share me now, I understand that you attach yourself to things or people, and that I am one of those people. So I know how hard this is for you, and I'm really sorry for not addressing it sooner."

I crawl into her lap at her words, just so happy that she's at least not angry with me. She holds onto me tightly, hugging me with just the right amount of pressure. After another minute or two or just holding each other, she finally continues.

"I know that it's hard, but unfortunately you're going to have share me. But I promise you, I'm only your mama, no one else gets to share mama, I'm only yours, forever. You may have to share Natasha, but I promise you that mama will always be yours, and only yours."

I cry harder at her words, nuzzling closer to her. She rubs my back and holds me close. Those were exactly the words I needed to hear. Of course, it doesn't make everything better or take any of my feelings away completely, but they provide a lot of comfort.

"My mama..." I parrot back. She sadly smiles and nods. "Only yours."

[waitingforwinterwinds]

Game of Thrones - 15 SANSA (pages 133-146)

Sansa's lunch date with the queen is cancelled when folks from the capital arrive to meet the procession, so Joffrey takes her on an unsupervised date in the countryside that goes well, until it doesn't, and then it goes Very Wrong, Very Quickly.

-

The Septa was not appeased. "You're a good girl, Sansa, but I do vow, when it comes to that creature, you're as willful as your sister Arya." She scowled. "And where is Arya this morning?" "She wasn't hungry," Sansa said, knowing full well that her sister had probably stolen down to the kitchen hours ago and wheedled a breakfast out of some cook's boy.

Oh, that's interesting. "when it comes to (Lady), you're (as) willful" And again, with Sansa not taking an easy path to getting her sister in trouble.

"I hate riding," Sansa said fervently. "All it does is get you soiled and dusty and sore."

I know I need to stop projecting, but it's too late. I've head-canoned Sansa as autistic until further notice. ('Elle Woods' Autism specifically which isn't a medically real thing, but just a term coined by a youtuber iirc, for the type of "high functioning" (hang on, sorry just threw up in my mouth a lil.) autism found in girls where they become over invested in stereotypically girly things because it provides them with a set of rules to follow (and also keeps them away from some non-fun sensory squicks like dirt!) which some people think Elle Woods of Legally Blond might have. Not all autistic people are maths geniuses.)

-and lizard-lions floating half submerged in the water, like black logs with eyes and teeth.

Crikey! Lizard-lions are just alligators or crocodiles, aren't they?

Still Sansa wrenched away from him, and the Hound laughed, and Lady moved between them, rumbling a warning. Sansa dropped to her knees to wrap her arms around the wolf. ... -and Sansa realized that the two stranger knights were looking down on her and Lady, swords in their hands, and then she was frightened again, and ashamed. Tears filled her eyes. ... Sansa knew the name, and now courtesies that Septa Mordane had taught her over the years came back to her.

Lady is a Service Dog. That is Sansa's Emotional Support Wolf. No, but it is interesting (to me) that 'shame' ranks up there with fear for Sansa in this moment, because this whole exchange reads... look, let's just say: the head-canon is not getting less head-canoned. I noticed she also had some serious sensitivity to embarrassment, but she recovered pretty quickly once she got to start basically info dumping, when she's sharing knowledge from one of her special interests. Yeah, I'm just going to see how long I can read Sansa as Autistic~

Sorry if that was not the takeaway you expected from this read through~

He was so gallant, she thought. The way he had rescued her from Ser Ilyn and the Hound, why, it was almost like the songs, like the time Serwyn of the Mirror Shield saved the Princess Daeryssa from the giants, or Prince Aemon the Dragonknight championing Queen Naerys's honor against the evil Ser Morgil's slander.

Hmmmm, I'll give her Joffrey did tell of the Hound, but Ser Ilyn? Mmmmmm... Oh, Also: Neeeeeerd! jk, I love her. She is literally a member of Fandom. *Absolutely anything happens: "omg this is just like my blorbos! this totally has my ship's main vibes!"*

The touch of Joffrey's hand on her sleeve made her heart beat faster. "What would you like to do." Be with you, Sansa thought, but she said, "whatever you'd like to do, my prince." Joffrey reflected a moment. "We could go riding." "Oh, I love riding," Sansa said.

You know, like a liar. No but seriously, babe, I have done this, do not do this, faking your interest just to get along with someone is so taxing. Also, the touch making her heart beat faster could be anxiety, that's a thing that happens when strangers touch people. Anxiety.

No, but autism hc aside, she is trying so hard right now, willing to do something she really doesn't like just to spend time with the boy she's (as far as she knows) going to marry, trying to get to know him, to like what he likes. Unfortunately, he's a piece of complete trash.

She wanted to hit herself for being so slow. Her prince would never lover her if she seemed stupid.

Knowing how lowkey not good the mental health space around the Stark children was at Winterfell... oh look, a flag from the red end of the spectrum. Sorry but this smacks lightly of emotional abuse and reasoning "if I am X, I will be worthy of love."

They dined on trout fresh from the river, and Sansa drank more wine than she had ever drunk before. "My father only let's us have one cup, and only at feasts," she confessed to her prince. "My betrothed can drink as much as she wants," Joffrey said, refilling her cup. They rode more slowly after they had eaten. Joffrey sang for her as they rode, his voice high and sweet and pure. Sansa was a little dizzy from the wine.

Joffrey took her out unsupervised and got her drunk you say?

-but Joffrey was in no mood to listen. The wine had made him wild.

And this is why underaged drinking is Bad. Like Joffrey, who, lbh, probably would have picked this fight stone cold sober.

Sansa was afraid. "Arya, you stay out of this." *The violent t(w)eenage version of the "well that escalated quickly" meme

oh, if only Nymeria had finished the job, and the girls got their story straight. "oh, it was horrible, the pack of wild dogs came out of nowhere, Joffrey tried to defend us, but they just surrounded him and mauled him to death, if it hadn't been for Nymeria, his valiant dying efforts would have been in vain. UwU"

[spencer-reids-adventures]

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Okay, this one got away from me a little and turned into an actual one-shot... Here it is on AO3 if you're into that sort of thing <3

---

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Agent Morgan grins and pats Spencer on the shoulder, completely ignoring his request for some sort of itinerary for his very first out of town case, and Spencer suddenly has a very bad feeling, like he never entirely thought this whole thing through. Like the decision to hide his autism from his employer maybe wasn't the best call.

The thing is, working at the BAU is different from any experience Spencer has ever had. Serial killers and behavioral analysis aside, when the team goes away on cases, they're together all the time. They eat together, share hotel rooms, and work together, day and night.

Spencer has never spent this much time with the same people, and he's beginning to realize that hiding this part of himself is going to be so, so much harder than he originally thought.

He tries to calm himself down on the jet, repeating to himself over and over, you're fine without knowing the schedule, you don't need to know the schedule, but he can't make himself believe it, and the uncertainty makes his skin feel prickly and hot. He shifts in his chair, trying to get more comfortable, but it only serves to make him aware of the way his tie is choking him, and he tries to discreetly take it off and shove it in his bag.

He puts his headphones on for the flight, big noise-canceling ones that block out everything but chapter 12 of his audio book, which he listens to on loop the entire time. By the time they land, he thinks he feels a little bit calmer, and it's late, so they go straight to the hotel to check in and go to bed.

Spencer is sharing a room with Morgan, and he's not sure what to expect because he doesn't really know the other agent very well. But he tries to put himself into a positive mindset, and it lasts until about 6 minutes after they enter the room, when he opens his go-bag to find that the soft blanket he always travels with is missing.

The blanket serves two purposes - a comfort object and a barrier between him and the scratchy, germ-laden hotel bedding. As soon as he realizes it's gone, his stomach drops, and he can picture it sitting on top of his bed at home, where he put it when he was packing.

"Hey, you okay, Reid?" Morgan pops up behind him and Spencer startles and whips around.

"I-I'm fine," he says, trying to plaster a smile on his face and cover up his rising panic. "I'll be right back. Excuse me."

He grabs his satchel and darts into the bathroom, locking the door and leaving the light off. He digs in his bag to find his headphones and a spiky plastic ball. After putting the headphones on to listen to some more chapter 12, he removes his cardigan and rolls the spiky ball up and down his arms, pressing down, focusing on the sensation, trying to let it center and distract and soothe him.

He's beginning to relax when Morgan knocks on the door. Spencer pulls his headphones off.

"Reid, we're going down to the Chinese restaurant for dinner. You coming?"

He thinks about meat and rice and noodles and vegetables and his stomach flips over.

"I'm not hungry," he calls. "I'm just going to get ready for bed."

"Do you want me to bring you back anything?"

"No, I'm fine," Spencer says. "Thanks, though."

He waits to hear the door of the room open and close before he ventures out of the bathroom. He moves to the bed and continues to listen and roll the ball on his skin. When he feels sufficiently calm, he changes into his pajamas and turns on the TV, distracting himself with a science program for an hour or so.

Spencer brushes his teeth and gets ready for bed, but when he gets into bed and turns the light out, all the anxiety comes rushing back. The texture of the sheets makes him feel sick, and the way the sheet feels moving against the blanket is just--

He jumps out of the bed, shuddering, and goes to sit on the floor at the foot of the bed. He pulls his knees up to his chin and wraps his arms around them, and he feels restless and unsettled, and he starts to cry. Then he thinks about how he's a federal agent and he's crying over a missing blanket, and he lets the back of his head hit the foot board of the bed behind him, and then he does it again, and again, and again.

---

When Derek returns to the room, he turns on the light to find Reid on the floor with his eyes squeezed shut, smacking his head back against the wooden foot board of his bed and digging his fingernails into his upper arms, tears running down his cheeks.

"Oh my god," he exclaims, approaching Reid and putting a hand on his shoulder, the way he did earlier in the day. This time, though, Reid yanks his shoulder away and hits his head harder.

Morgan texts Hotch: come to my room 911

Hotch lets himself in minutes later and joins Morgan on the floor.

"What happened?"

"I have no idea," Morgan says. "I came back to find him like this. He wouldn't let me touch him."

"Reid," Hotch says loudly, but Reid doesn't respond. "Morgan, hand me a pillow."

Morgan tosses one from the bed and Hotch slips it between Reid's head and the foot board, cushioning the blows. At first, Reid seems to be trying to hit his head even harder, but after a few moments he slows down his movements, eventually crumpling forward and resting his forehead on his knees, rocking gently forward and back.

"Reid?" Morgan says. "Are you okay? Is there something we can help you with?"

Reid stops rocking for a moment and looks up, making a motion with both hands.

"We're not going anywhere," Hotch says, apparently understanding the sign. "We're not going to leave you like this. Has this happened before?"

Reid nods, his eyes still shut, looking defeated.

"Is it something you wanted to keep hidden from us?" Hotch asks.

Reid nods. Then he opens his eyes briefly to look at Hotch and holds up his right hand, forming it into a set of shapes.

"You're autistic?" Hotch asks, and Reid nods again before dropping his forehead back to his knees.

Morgan looks at Hotch. "Why wouldn't he tell us?"

"First of all," Hotch says, "let's not talk as though Reid isn't in the room with us, okay?"

"Right," Morgan says, his cheeks hot. "Sorry."

"Reid, do you know what triggered this?" Hotch asks.

Reid begins to sign rapidly, but Hotch stops him.

"Hold on, sorry," he says. "This is a little beyond my ASL skills, I think. If I give you a pen and pad of paper, do you think you can write?"

Reid nods, and Morgan grabs them from the desk and passes them to him. He scribbles furiously for a few moments and then hands the pad to Hotch.

A lot of things. But mostly I forgot the blanket I always travel with and the sheets and blanket on this bed are a bad texture and I guess it pushed me over the edge.

I'm sorry you had to see this.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought I could hide it.

"Reid," Hotch says warmly. "Spencer. You don't need to hide parts of yourself from us, okay? Instead, maybe you can let us know what you need and we can be here to support you as best we can. Don't be ashamed of who you are. This doesn't change how we see you, or how capable we believe you to be. Right, Morgan?"

"Right!" Morgan says quickly. "I know we don't know each other well yet, but...you're part of the team, and I'm here for you. And right now, while we're sharing a room, I just need you to let me know what I can do to make things comfortable for you." That reminds him of something, and he stands up and walks over to his bag, pulling a fleece blanket out. "I usually travel with this, in case it gets cold," he says, setting the blanket down next to Reid. "Do you think this might help you sleep?"

Reid hesitates, then reaches out and runs a hand along the fabric. Then he looks up at Morgan, eyes wide, and nods.

Hotch grins, and Morgan picks the blanket up and sets it on Reid's bed as Reid stands up. He looks at Morgan, then at Hotch, and makes one more sign, one Morgan does recognize.

"You're welcome," he and Hotch say at the same time, and Hotch chuckles.

"Okay," he says. "I'm heading back to my room, but don't hesitate to text or call me if you need anything at all. Okay?"

"Okay," Morgan says, as Reid nods. "Night, Hotch."

"Goodnight, Morgan, Reid," Hotch says, and closes the door behind him.

Morgan spreads his blanket out on the bed and Reid wraps himself up in it.

"Good?" Morgan asks, and Reid nods. "Wake me up if you need anything. Goodnight, kid."

He notices a smile on Reid's face right before he turns out the light.

[thechangeling]

"

"I love you, Kit." Ty said, not looking away from Kit’s eyes. "But not in the way you need me to."

"Okay." Kit exhaled shakily. "That's okay. I just- I can't lose you again. Not because of my stupid feelings."

"They aren't stupid."

"Yes they are-"

"No they aren't because they're yours. And no part of you is stupid."

The tears fell out of Kit’s eyes and he had to look away from the piercing storm clouds before he started crying more. "I've ruined everything."

"No-" Ty protested, slight emotions slipping through his voice. "No I have. I told Dru I wasn't going to hurt you again, and now you're sad because of me."

"I'm not sad." He choked out. "I'm overwhelmed and I don't want to talk about this. God I never wanted you to find out. Dru should've just minded her own fucking business." Kit slid down the brick wall, burying his face in his knees.

"I love you."

"You don't have to say that just because you think I want to hear it."

"I'm saying it because it's true. I do love you Kit. I just-" Ty started flapping his hands as he tried to calm down enough to stay verbal. "I can't love you the way you love me, I can't-" He flipped through the words in his limited vocabulary and tried not to think about how his favorite hoodie and socks were getting soaked by the rain. "I don't understand being in love."

Kit looked up at his, purposely avoiding his eyes because he knew he was getting overstimulated. "What," he paused, thinking of the best way to word his question, "what does that mean? What do you not understand?"

If anyone else had asked Ty, he'd think they were being condescending, but from Kit he knew it was a genuine question. "I don't know what being in love feels like. I'm," he thought of something to compare his feelings to. "It's like-" He breathed in, having a difficult time with speaking the words in his brain.

"Like Christopher Lightwood?"

That was Ty’s favorite part about Kit, he always knew where Ty’s mind would go. Always able to follow along and help when it got hard to say the connections out loud. "Yes. I, I feel broken. I think it might have something to do with not having a good example of a healthy romantic relationship as my brain was developing." He said it very quickly and worried that it wasn't understandable.

Kit started laughing, not his usual 'masking around shadowhunters or his parents' laughter, but a laugh like Ty said the funniest joke in the world. "Ty, Ty, that's not what's happened."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not broken, and it's not a psychological issue. I think you might be aromantic. Like Kit Lightwood."

"Aro..mantic?"

"Yeah. God oh that makes so much more sense in my head now."

"What’s aromantic? Is it like autism?"

"No no, it's a sexuality, kind of. It means that you don't feel or have.. trouble experiencing romantic attraction."

"Oh." It was like a light just flickered on inside Ty’s head, illuminating his mind that had darkened with confusion and anxiety. "That, that sounds correct."

"You should ask Jaime about it. He's aromantic, and autistic, so he could probably help you more than I could."

"But you understand now? That I love you, just-"

"Not in a entirely romantic sense?" Ty nodded. "Yeah, I get it now." Kit looked up at the sky and laughed a little. "We are such a mess."

Ty sat down next to him. "But we are messes together?"

"Yeah."

"Are you still upset?"

"Are we still friends?"

"Of course."

"Then how could I be upset, as long as our friendship stays healthy and happy, I'm great."

Ty put his head on Kit’s shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm not in love with you."

"I'm sorry you've been thinking you're broken."

They sat in silence for a while, just sitting in each other's presence.

"Can we go back inside? My socks are wet."

"Oh shit yeah we should probably go do that."

"

Arospec!ty drabble

Aro Ty supremacy!!!!! I love this! 😭😭💜💜

[rockshitty]

I posted 9,637 times in 2021

166 posts created (2%)

9471 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 57.1 posts.

I added 83 tags in 2021

#boat boys - 13 posts

#after the storm - 11 posts

#critical role - 11 posts

#ats fic - 10 posts

#dnd - 10 posts

#cr - 8 posts

#cr fic - 6 posts

#essek thelyss - 5 posts

#caleb widogast - 5 posts

#critical role fic - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#so it's not too far to extrapolate that at one point in our evolutionary history we were tuned to 25 hour long days

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Every day I learn something new about the world and almost every time it's something I would have been just as happy never knowing.

34 notes • Posted 2021-05-14 04:03:17 GMT

#4

I saw a post talking about how the feelings of disconnect from a body in relation to autism are criminally under-represented. And it made me realize my own relation to my body.

I am only the things that are moving. I am only the things that hurt. I am my tapping feet and that ache in my knees. I am my teeth when I eat ice cream and my fingers when I'm typing, just the tips, just the frantic familiar motion.

When I drive, and I drive, and I drive so much I am the road and the engine and the burr of grooved pavement against old tires. I become every bump and curve and they wonder at how I stare through my windshield for that long, day after day, without going mad.

I am music, always. Always an ear or two listening. When my headphones break I am broken too. Loud music when I feel loud, just a whisper when I don't.

Sometimes I dance, alone where no one can tell me otherwise, and then I am feet and legs and hips and waist and arms and hands and a laughing singing mouth at the beauty of everything all at once.

When I sleep I am someone else, curled up in my head in a tight little seed. I become tomorrows story until today fades. Some nights the story is too much and dawn hits a hunched, aching back and frantic fingers and eyes that will sleep when it's on paper. Those are the best sleeps, after a victory over my own imagination and a few pages full.

40 notes • Posted 2021-07-08 06:56:40 GMT

#3

Story time.

About a week after I turned 21 I went to my first larping event where drinking was allowed. We had been having mostly dry events for a while because there was some business with some under-21s getting their hands on some vodka. I wasn't involved. What I was involved with was a 100 person medieval event where adults were allowed to drink for the first time in four years, as an adult who didn't know my limits yet.

The event just so happened to be called the Wild Hunt.

I got drunk. I haven't been that drunk before or since, not by a wide margin. I don't particularly know what I drank or how much because people kept filling my cup from bottles and I just rolled with it. I was 21. I was with friends. I was invincible.

I blacked out playing cards against humanity, winning by a narrow margin, and my next memory is of running through the woods, tearing ass through the brambles with the graceless dexterity of someone who hasn't been sober in ten hours. There were people following me, also running, possibly also drunk, definitely chasing me so I didn't disappear into the woods and end up as the next headline on CNN. Drunk Larper Found Dead in Ravine.

That night, dressed in my finest garb, too drunk to know any directions but forward, pursued through the woods by strangers in a life or death race to nowhere, I feel confident is the closest any currently living human has come to experiencing The Wild Hunt.

365 notes • Posted 2021-10-08 04:12:31 GMT

#2

One of the best things about the Avatar universe is that one of our first introductions to the rules governing the world is "It's not magic, it's water bending," and then throughout the series it's revealed that actual ass magic also exists alongside the totally not magic bending.

14875 notes • Posted 2021-07-07 19:14:13 GMT

#1

My favorite part of my dnd group right now is that their collective anxiety creates a better story than I do when planning the session. 

37737 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 02:41:48 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[sapphosvioletts]

No Matter What

Bucky Barnes x Autistic daughter

Request:

i was wondering, could i request tfaws bucky barnes x autistic teen!reader. where she sees him when he goes back to the winter solider in that bar, and she gets scared of him and he has to comfort her

Word count: 1,213

Warnings: anxiety, mention of sensory overload

Note: Not every autistic person experiences autism the same. I'm autistic and I am writing from my perspective of how I personally experience autism, but not everyone feels the same as me or has the same perspective as I do.

.oOo.

My eyes anxiously dart around the bar, not very fond of how many people there are here, but not letting my nervousness show on my face. I have to keep up the confident facade to not draw suspicion to us, as well as to look old enough to even be in the bar.

I stand close to Bucky, feeling very uncomfortable with all of the people. I try not to flinch every time someone brushes up against me or yells loudly. Out of view from the bartender, Bucky puts his hand on my back in an attempt to comfort me. He knows how anxious social situations can make me, and right now it seems like I'm just in a room of sensory nightmares.

When I hear Zemo say "Winter Soldier" in Russian, it feels like my body freezes. I know that my dad has been un programmed and he wouldn't turn into the Winter Soldier, but for a moment I completely forget about that. I was with Bucky in Hydra, that's how we met. I knew him as the Winter Soldier, I've seen first hand what he is capable of.

Even as the Winter Soldier, he never hurt me though. That should lessen my fears of him, but it doesn't. The Winter Soldier is someone I haven't seen in a long time, and although he didn't hurt me, I didn't want to see him again.

When Zemo says the words "Attack", Bucky launches forward towards the man and starts fighting him. I suck in a breath at seeing him, biting my lip to keep my tears from falling. I need to get out of here, I can't watch Bucky do this. I can't watch how he does the same moves he did in Hydra, or how emotionless his face is.

I check to make sure the bartender isn't looking at me before ducking through the crowd and running away. I run out of the bar and down the street, just wanting to get away. I run until my lungs start to burn, and once my legs are too shaky to keep going, I finally stop.

I didn't even pay attention to where I was going, and somehow I can't find it in myself to care. Normally going anywhere alone makes me anxious, but I think I just have too much on my mind to think about what I had just done.

I sit down on a bench on the side of the street and pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly. I look around and notice a couple shops, but they aren't very busy and are pretty spread out from each other, giving me at least a little privacy even though I'm on the side of the open road.

I rest my head on my knees and just try to get rid of the thoughts and images in my head. I know that it was Bucky, not the Winter Soldier, but it reminded me too much of my time at Hydra. Those cold eyes and emotionless face seemed all too familiar, even though I tried so hard to forget about them.

I rock back and forth as I just look off at nothing, stuck in my thoughts and trying to make sense of what I'm even feeling. I ignore the tears running down my cheeks as I continuer rocking, my hands shaking and hitting my legs.

.oOo.

Even though Bucky was fighting someone, he still noticed how I ran away. He felt terrible, he knew that I got scared. He didn't want to do this either, but he had no choice. He was relieved when Zemo finally ordered him to stop, although he didn't show it on his face.

All he wanted was to chase after me, show me that he isn't the Winter Soldier anymore, but he can't. He feels so torn on what to do, but ultimately it's Zemo pushing him forward with a rough hand that forces him to make a decision, one that he desperately doesn't want to do.

He keeps his cold demeanor through the talk with Selby, but his mind wanders to me. He doesn't even know where I am or if I'm okay, and not even to mention I'm in a new place all alone.

Through fighting all of the people angry at them for killing Selby, I was on Bucky's mind the whole time, it was his motivation to make it out. Even when Sharon showed up he couldn't find it in him to even react, his only thoughts were to make sure I was okay.

While Sharon is talking, he picks up on a small sniffle. He could tell it was a little far away, but still close, and he could only pick it up because of his super hearing. "I hear her." He mumbles to Sam before running off, knowing that Sam knew he was talking about me. He could see Sam's worried eyes when he first noticed I was gone, even though he wouldn't admit it, he had a soft spot for me and cared about me.

Bucky ran towards the sniffles until he could see the curled up figure on the bench, rocking back and forth. He slowed down to not scare me, and once he was close enough he spoke gently, "Hey doll." My head shot up, my body tense.

He kneels down next to the bench in front of me. All I can do is just stare at him. "It's me, it's Bucky." He says. For some reason those were the words I needed to hear, they were so simple and maybe even obvious to others, but that was all I needed.

I swung my legs off the bench and crashed into him, my arms hugging his shoulders as I sat on the bench, leaning into him. He wrapped his own arms around me, ignoring the pain in his knees from kneeling on the gravel and rocks. He rubbed my back and let me cry into his shoulder.

Eventually I feel myself being picked up as Bucky stands up with me in his arms. He sits on the bench with me on his lap, neither of us caring how childish it may seem to others. He soothingly starts to rock us side to side, aware of how relaxing that stim is for me.

His eyes water as he comforts me, feeling terrible that he was the one who did this. He took a while to think about what to say, the only sounds coming from my occasional sobs and sniffles.

"I'm sorry I scared you, doll. But I promise you, the Winter Soldier is gone. You're safe, I'll always make sure of it. I love you so much, I could never let anything bad happen to you." He hugs me tighter as he speaks and all I can do is nod.

Eventually Sharon, Sam, and Zemo found us, but Bucky stops them before they can speak with a hard glare. They all stop in their tracks. He leans down and whispers in my ear, "We gotta get going, but I promise I'll keep you safe, no matter what."

He can't help but smile when he hears a soft mumble of "No matter what." In response.

[sapphosvioletts]

Safe

Bruce Banner x Autistic Teen!reader

Request: I was wondering if I could request a Bruce banner x autistic teen reader where him and the team are on a mission at a hydra base and the hulk finds her in a cell in a corner all scared and the hulk is protective of her. (she’s been there since she was 7 and now she’s 17) so when they get back to the base Bruce takes care of her to and basically throughout time he teaches her and science and everything else she missed out on. If you wanna add some more please do. I have a learning disability and it’s hard for me to explain things in detail. So let me know if this sounds confusing

Word count: 2,466

Warnings: slight description of overload

Note: Not every autistic person experiences autism the same. I'm autistic and I am writing from my perspective of how I personally experience autism, but not everyone feels the same as me or has the same perspective as I do.

.oOo.

My breath hitches as I hear a loud noise, my body freezing. My body starts to tremble and shake, my breathing picking up slightly. I hate loud noises, my sensory issues make them intolerable. Noises often tend to scare me more as well, always making me jump in shock.

Hydra has never been very accommodating of the fact I'm autistic, so it would be no surprise to me if they made the loud noise. But following the noise is yelling, which sounds panicked. The people who I have learned are associated with Hydra, are all yelling and some barking out orders.

My hands instinctively come up to cover my ears, trying to block out as much noise as possible. I'm sitting on the floor of my cell, tucked in the corner with my knees hugged tightly to my chest. I start rocking back and forth as I sob at the noise.

I hear other voices as well, ones that I don't think I've heard before. They sound much less panicked, but are still loud and demanding. The new set of voices only make me sob harder, stuffing my face between my legs and squishing my hands to my ears so hard I'm surprised my head didn't explode.

I hear loud stomping growing closer to my cell. It's far too loud to be a human, and I can't even rack my brain around what it could be. My brain already feels fuzzy enough, and with the panic and every single noise that I hear, my brain is just so overwhelmed.

I cower further into the corner when I hear one of the Hydra men yell "Get the girl!" I know he's referring to me, as I'm the only 'experiment' that they have right now. My cell door is slammed open, the metal bars banging loudly against the wal.

The man runs in and harshly grabs my arm, his grip bruising. He roughly pulls me up, while all I can do is just cry. Everything it's just too much, and my body can't even react anymore.

Suddenly the man is ripped away from me and thrown across the cell, hitting the wall and sliding down, completely knocked out. The first thing I notice through blurry vision from my tears, is a large shadow over me. I look up, trembling with fear.

I find a large, green man standing just outside of my cell. He's huge, his hand is probably the size of half my body. I slowly start to back up into the wall, terrified of the man in front of me. He's too big to even fit in my cell, he pulled the man off by only reaching his arm in.

The man's attention is pulled away when another Hydra scientist tries to pass him to come into my cell. He easily picks them up by their shirt and slams them into the ground before tossing them away.

"No one hurts girl" he growls. He huffs before turning back to me. His cold, hard demeanor turns soft and gentle once his eyes meet mine. Even though he is huge, he seems slightly less intimidating.

I gulp nervously and press my back against the wall of the cell. He sits down outside of my cell, since he can't fit inside. He pulls something out of his pocket, which I soon notice is a rock. It looks so small in his hand, like a tiny little pebble.

He looks around before grabbing one of the discarded knives that was left on the floor behind him. My breathing speeds up once he grabs the knife, terrified of what he might do with it. But instead of bringing it anywhere near me, he brings the knife to the rock.

He starts carefully carving into the rock, his face concentrated and focused. I watch in curiosity as he works, my fear slowly starting to disappear every second he doesn't hurt me. The knife is small in his hand, having to hold it with only two of his fingers to work.

Eventually, he discards of the knife on the ground and smiles at his work. He slowly reaches his arm out to me through my cell, the rock in his open palm. I cautiously and slowly walk up to his hand. I look back to his face, which has a soft smile and gentle eyes, nothing like the hard and terrifying glare he held earlier with the other men.

I decide to reach my hand out to his, feeling a little more comfortable in his presence. I grab the rock from his palm and I'm slightly surprised, and relieved that he didn't try to grab me during that moment. With the rock in my hand, I take a step back to my little corner.

I look down at the rock and smile when I see a flower carved into it. I look back up at the man, smiling widely to him. His smile grows in return, happy that I like it. He points to words and some drawings carved on the wall of my cell, which is where I write down, well everything. That usually consists of new things that I learn, and that spot just happened to be about flowers.

"Come with Hulk. He keep you safe." The man says in his booming, loud voice. I think for a moment, and he patiently waits for me. I decide to go with him. I don't have anywhere else to go now, and I'm sure anywhere he takes me will be better than just being moved to another Hydra facility if I stay here.

I slowly walk out of my cell and he stands up, making way for me to exit the cell. I look up at him hesitantly, but he only wears a gentle smile. I give him a nervous smile back before averting my gaze back down.

Having that moment with him to decompress was very helpful. It was quiet, it seems that the Hydra people were completely taken out from this floor since there was no noise except for the two of us. Normally I can barely even stand after being overwhelmed like that, but it's rare that I ever get a moment to recover either.

His large hands wave in the "follow me" motion, before he takes off and starts walking away. I run to catch up with him, his long legs taking him much farther than I could walk. I keep my head down and follow behind the green man, taking glances every once in a while at the Hydra scientists scattered across the ground, presumably dead.

We finally arrive outside and a jet comes into my view. The man seems much to big to even fit in a jet like that, but he still makes his way towards it, me following behind him. Two women and a man walk out of the jet at hearing the loud stomps coming closer.

"Wanda, go in his head to turn him back." The woman with red hair says to the other girl. They are both giving me suspecting and confused looks, but the girl on the right nods before walking up to the green man next to me.

The woman with red hair whisper something to the man on her other side, before making her way towards me. Her body language instantly shifts from her intimidating stature, to instead relaxed and gentle. She smiles at me, trying to make herself seem less intimidating, sensing my nerves.

"Hey sweetie, were you kept here?" I nod. Her eyes turn sympathetic. "Why don't you one back with us, yeah? Let's get you out of here." I nervously find myself agreeing with her. It's not like I have anywhere else to go, and she seems really nice.

She leads me onto the jet, where there are already a couple other men sitting. They all introduce themselves to me, but I don't really listen or take in what they are saying. It's all just too much, the new environment, new people, not even to mention moving away from the place I've lived for years.

The woman leads me to sit down on one of the benches and she's about to say something, when the other girl from before enters the jet, but this time with another man by her side. The man looks a bit familiar, but I can't tell where I know him from.

They both slump into their own seats tiredly, and as soon as the door shuts I feel the jet rumble underneath me. My hands clutch onto the seat from the sudden movement, before I remember about the man that saved me.

I look up at Natasha confused. "W-what about the man? The g-green one?" My voice is trembling with anxiety. Her face is confused for a moment, before morphing into understanding. "He's right there." She points to the man with curly hair. "The green man, Hulk, isn't his permanent state. His name is actually Bruce."

It takes me a moment to completely comprehend the new information. When I do, I am a little sad. Even though the man, who I now know is named Hulk, was terrifying, he was growing on me and I felt kind of comforted by him. He was the first person that has been kind to me in so long, and now he's not even here anymore.

Natasha eventually leaves to the cockpit of the jet, but whispers something to Bruce on her way. A little while later, Bruce comes and sits on the seat next to me. "I just wanted to apologize for having to meet under those circumstances. I hope the Hulk treated you alright." He looked down sheepishly.

"I-It's okay. He was really kind. He gave me this." I held out the rock that the Hulk has given me. Bruce smiles and shook his head. "I'm glad he was kind. If the Hulk saw something in you, I know that you have to be a pretty important and special person. So if it's okay with you, I'd like to get to you know you as Bruce too."

.oOo.

By just a couple months later, Bruce and I have become very close. He immediately took on the father figure and parental role in my life that I needed. I haven't had one in so long, and these past couple of months have been like a dream.

He's a scientist, so he was very accepting and accommodating of me being autistic. He understood my brain on a scientific level, he understood my autistic traits. For example, he knows that I have sensory issues and that my nervous system is wired differently than Neurotypicals. It's obviously more complex than just that, but he knows all of it, he is a scientist after all.

But even though he's a scientist, he doesn't let that make him into a "know it all". He knows that the people who understand autism the most, are autistic people. So he always uses sources that are by autistic people when researching, but he also just gets information from me. I know myself best, and he of course listens to every word I have to say and even takes notes. He just wants to help me and be there for me the best that he can.

.oOo.

I slam my head into my arms on my table, starting to get frustrated at my science homework. It's just so confusing and overwhelming. The information makes no sense, but I also just don't even know how to start. I'm already in tears and I haven't even started working on it yet, I've only read through it.

I wipe my tears and take a deep breath, trying to prepare myself to read through it one more time, hoping that somehow might make a difference. As I'm about to start, there's a knock at my bedroom door. "Come in" I croak out, wiping my tears on my sleeve to try and hide the fact I'm crying.

My dad walks in, a water and granola bar in hand. "You've been in here for a while so I thought-" He cuts himself off when he notices my red eyes and tear stained cheeks. He immediately rushes over to me and kneels down next to my chair.

"Oh, what's wrong sweetheart?" He rubs circles on my back." I try to speak, but I just can't bring myself to open my mouth, let alone form the words and actually speak them. I just shake my head and bury my face in my hands.

I lead forward onto his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me tightly, knowing how much I love pressure hugs. He doesn't urge me to speak, he never does. He understands that I'm semi verbal or nonverbal sometimes, and he never gets mad or frustrated.

He peers over me and finds the papers spread out on my desk. He sees some are already finished, which I had done earlier. But there were a couple pages that have nothing written on them, they instead have wet splotches from my tear drops.

He gives me as long as I need to calm down, never rushing me, just rubbing circles on my back as he hugs me. When my tears subside and my breathing is back to normal, I finally pull away. His hands move to rub up and down my biceps comfortingly.

I then turn back around to my desk and grab a scrap piece of paper, picking up my pencil. I know that speaking most likely isn't an option right now, but there are other ways to communicate. I scribble down on the paper, "Dont understand it and I don't know where to start."

Bruce reads over the paper when I'm done, and nods in understanding. "That's okay, this stuff can be really tricky. Here, how about I look through it for you and I'll break it down into smaller steps for you, yeah? And then we'll take a little break and come back to this later, you deserve some quiet time right now to just relax."

I breath out a sigh of relief and nod, unbelievably thankful for Bruce. He smiles at my approval and grabs the papers, looking through them himself. I hug my knees to my chest and rest my head on my knees. I close my eyes as I patiently wait for him, trying to just calm myself down a bit.

I find myself being brought into a state of peace and relaxation from the sound of the pencil scraping across the paper, and just knowing that my dad is here with me. I know that he'll always be here for me, no matter what, and that's the most comforting thought of all of them.

[sapphosvioletts]

Embrace

Natasha Romanoff x Autistic reader

Summary:

After much convincing from Tony, Natasha's girlfriend attends one of his parties. When she gets overwhelmed, Natasha is there for her.

Warnings: Mention/description of meltdown

Word Count: 1,098

Note: Not every autistic person experiences autism the same. I'm autistic and I am writing from my perspective of how I personally experience autism, but not everyone feels the same as me or has the same perspective as I do.

.oOo.

I tried to convince myself that it wasn't going to be as bad as I thought, but now that I'm here, it is definitely just as bad as I was expecting.

Tony relentlessly kept making attempts to get me to come down to his "little get together", in his words. I know that he meant party, but he just hoped phrasing it differently would get me to come. I finally agreed just to get him off my back, but honestly I think dealing with him would have been more bearable than this.

My girlfriend, Natasha, was ready to murder Tony when she found out I'm only coming because of him and not because I willingly wanted to. But, we compromised and she agreed to only mildly hurt him, and only if something goes wrong.

Despite her anger towards Tony, she made sure to make it clear to that she's not angry with me. She kept her eyes soft and her voice gentle, how she always is when she's around me. She only broke that softness when Tony was brought up or if she got a glance of him at the party.

I am practically glued to Natasha's side the whole time, and she doesn't seem to mind, keeping her arm wrapped around me with the perfect amount of pressure. Her embrace always feels as if I'm being protected and nothing could ever harm me, and sometimes I forget that, that's not realistically true.

Unfortunately, her embrace can't stop the overlapping chatter coming from every inch of the room, the music playing in the background that although is faint, is very obvious to me. Her arm can't stop the people accidentally bumping into me, she can only give them a mean glare after it already occurred.

Her hold couldn't stop the buzzing and itching feeling crawling all throughout my skin or the suffocating feeling from my dress. Or the feet stepping on mine, and the purses of distracted people brushing up against me as they aren't paying attention to their surroundings.

I didn't notice at the time, but I had been staring at nothing for a couple minutes, my eyes never moving from the same spot as I was stuck in my thoughts and feelings.

I'm broken out of it when Natasha puts a soft hand on my cheek and gently turns my head to face hers. Her eyebrow is creased with concern, but her eyes are still soft and kind. "Why don't we go back to our room, yeah? I think I'm getting a bit tired." I find myself nodding and take hold of her hand as I follow her through the crowd of people.

She knows that I always feel guilty if I have to make her leave somewhere, so sometimes she will be the one to request to leave, saying she's tired and is ready to head out, or isn't feeling well enough to stay.

When we finally reach the hallway it feels like a complete jump from crowded and noisy, to completely quiet. Me knees are too shaky and I just feel too overwhelmed to even comprehend what's really going on anymore. Even though the quiet does help, I was masking all of my autistic traits and sensory issues before, so now that I've unmasked it feels like it's all come crashing down.

I slide down the wall and hug my knees to my chest, my face shoved tightly into my knees. I rock back and forth, my back hitting the wall and getting more and more forceful with every rock. It's painful, but I almost crave the stimulation and feeling of it.

Natasha kneels down next to me and puts a gentle hand on my shoulder, which causes me to snap my head up at her, tears freely falling down my cheeks at this point. When I finally comprehend that it's Natasha, I relax into her.

She wraps her arms around me and follows my body as it rocks back and forth, letting me set the pace and force to it. Her arm made its way to the middle of my back, slotted between my back and the wall so that I wouldn't injure my back. She understands not to stop me from stimming, she even encourages it. And even when it's an injurious stim, she figures out how to make it less dangerous for me without forcing me to stop.

She sits with me in the quiet hallway, rocking back and forth with me in her arms, for about half an hour. She never tries to get me to stop crying or stop stimming, she is just there for me, knowing that I need to get everything that I'm feeling out.

When she notices that she now only hears occasional sniffles instead of heavy breathing and sobs, she gets my attention by running a hand through my hair. I don't remove my head from my knees, but lean into her hand to let her know I'm giving my attention to her.

"Do you want to go up to our room, love?" She asks very quietly, to not add on to my sensory stress. I nod and finally lift my face out of my knees. She helps me stand up and catch my balance, but I'm still slightly light headed and just not feeling great.

I wrap my arms around her shoulders and she immediately understands what I'm trying to ask. She picks me up by my thighs, my legs wrapped around her waist. I lay my head on her shoulder tiredly and let her carry me up to our room in the tower.

I'm practically half asleep from the exhaustion of my meltdown by the time she gets to our room. She lays me down on the bed and takes off my dress and shoes, before undressing herself. She tucks me into bed, by which point I have finally fallen asleep fully.

But even though I'm asleep, that's not going to stop her from caring for me. She grabs the weighted blanket from her closet and lays it on top of my sleeping body as softly as she can. She plugs my bluetooth earbuds into the charger so they'll be fully charged for tomorrow, since my earbuds are crucial for my sensory issues most days.

She crawls into bed next to me and my head instinctively lays in her chest as soon as I sense her in bed. She smiles and holds me to her body. "I love you, always, my sweets." She mumbles into my hair, not being able to stop herself.