#i'm not your fucking mother!!!!!! fuck!!!!!! act like the fucking adult you are for fucks sake!!!!!
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elwolfen · 9 months ago
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I wanna scream into an endless void
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queenerdloser · 3 months ago
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me, several months ago: hey mom i'd like to sit down with you and do some interviews so i can write a memoir/biography about you! i think it would be a great thing for me and my sister to have to remember you and your life!
my mom: no, i think i'd want to write something like that myself.
me: uh. okay.
my mom, a couple of months ago: anyway i think in the new year i'm going to write my memoirs. i'm getting older you know, i want to get it down before i forget everything!
me: okay but it took you like five years to write grandma's memoir and that was only like 40 pages.
my mom: i can do it!
me, two weeks ago, trying to be nice: here mom, here's a christmas gift - it's a guided journal specifically to write down your life story where it prompts you to remember life events. i thought you could use it to write your memoirs.
my mom, acting like this is the first time i've ever brought this up: do i have to use this? i never said i wanted to write my memoirs. that seems like so much work.
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ishikawayukis · 6 months ago
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trying to calm down before telling my brother to please do the bare minimum and clean the toilet after he leaves it shit stained, but also fucking losing over the fact that i have to tell a 35 year old to not leave a toilet shit stained as if he was a fucking child
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homunculus-argument · 11 months ago
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I don't know if you're ever done being struck by random Adult Hindsight on things about your parents, but pouring my tea this morning it suddenly just struck me just how weird boomers are about things like keeping up appearances and being presentable. I mean don't get me wrong, there definitely are times and places where you need to dress and act appropriately for the occasion, but being appropriate shouldn't take priority over the occasion itself.
My grandfather died in the heart of a remarkably cold winter, in peace with himself and after a long life and a brief illness. It sounds like a bizarre cliché to say, but it was agreed that very few get to pass as well as he did. His funeral was held on the coldest damn day of that winter. I needed to buy new clothes for it, a white scarf and a more simple, understated cap, since my mother thought that my usual winter hat - a big, black, fuzzy ushanka - was too frivolous for the occasion.
The cap didn't cover my ears and didn't offer much protection, but it was better than not having it on. The funeral was held on a freezing cold sunny day that my grandfather would probably have liked very much, but being outdoors at all - not to mention standing in the cold, with no hat on - gave me a headache within minutes, and I would rather have kept my hat on for as much of the ceremony as possible, while my mother kept hissingly whispering me to take it off, not put it back on yet, and when I was allowed to wear it again. My ears were freezing and my head was aching and I was just as annoyed by this tug-of-war as she clearly was.
If you asked her, I'm sure she would say something about how it's unfortunate that I didn't know how to behave appropriately at a funeral - worded in some way of how it's Surely Not My Fault that I wouldn't know any better, but with a strong undercurrent of making it clear that her children not knowing proper manners is not her fault, either. But ma'am what the fuck?
Your father has died and you spent the whole time fussing about my fucking hat??
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hyhkai · 7 months ago
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camboy! | c.yj.
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[ 🎥 ] — after yeonjun's rise in the porn industry, an interview was something he agreed to for fun. however, after he saw you, the interviewer, he wished it was a fake interview where he gets to fuck you.
cw : pornstar!yeonjun. unedited word vomit fictional magazine company that apparently also exists in real life.
a/n ; i apologize for my sins i swear I'll change 🙏🏼 and this is a drabble, not a fic! i might turn it into one over time ♡
after you reached out to him a few weeks ago with greetings and compliments, and asking can I interview you some time? I'd like to know what it's like to be a person who earns through the adult industry, and with your fame, I know that you're just the right person., his first, honest reaction was to laugh. i mean, seriously?
he was laughing at the irony of the fact that he was being interviewed. i mean, who was willing enough to take out time of their busy, hectic schedule to interview a man who earns bread by having a dildo inside of him? he had to know. he wanted to know what this person was like.
he did think that this could be completely false and you could be a potential threat, trying to lure him into your little cage with cheese like he's a fucking rat, capture him and do bad things to him like he'd heard with various nefarious acts of people against people with 'easy' fame.
"can I get proof that you're actually an interviewer?"
to which he immediately got a response with a photo of a xerox copy of your identification document, namely at a popular company called mode de vie. he could see the black and white ink that framed the photo stuck on the top right corner, and he knew that he had to see that fucking face in real life. if that's how you look in a awfully captured picture, so captivating, bold, and confidence outlining your eyes in the form of sharp eyeliner, he had to see that face in front of him, asking him questions about his body count or something else he doesn't give two shits about.
he'd said sure to your offer almost immediately now that he saw that it was a real interviewer after him. and now that it was time, he drove to the place where you both agreed to be at — a café which was relatively close to his house and your office.
"I'm glad you came!" you said as you shook his hand that would eventually get sweaty from just sitting opposite to you. what the fuck? he seriously considered telling you to quit this stupid, serious job and just join him in his public sex life. you were stunning.
now that he saw your hair open, framing your face, and that fucking sharp-ass eyeliner, he was mad that he didn't dress up nicely and instead came in a hoodie. who wants to miss a chance of getting a baddie?
he thanked the lords he'd long forgotten when you told him this is just an audio based interview which will later be turned into a text format.
while you continued asking him questions about everything, from "fuck-a-fan" to "how did your mother find out?", he'd needed to ask you to repeat your questions several times. his eyes kept drifting down, down to your chest.
'why the fuck are you wearing a top so low-cut? is it to provoke me or something?' he'd think. he legitimately wants to put his hand on the table, pushing himself towards you and grabbing one of your tits. it's pissing him off he can't.
okay, so maybe he was a pervert like one of his friends liked to say. but it wasn't his fault when you were asking him questions about his sex life while looking at him with those eyes that were possibly tearing his clothes off.
in his world, that is.
'do you want to fuck me too, or am I trippin'?'
he knew he had to keep his filthy hands, his filthy thoughts, to himself. c'mon, it's a fucking interview, yeonjun. grow up. you've had plenty of girls and guys to fuck in your life. from small and petite, to taller than you. from fucking someone to getting fucked. you've done it all. why are you so captivated by this woman?
maybe it was the way you had your makeup done that had him wishing he could see it smeared all over with a new makeup product; his cum, or maybe it was your tits that were practically begging to be the thing he shoves his face in tonight. but no, it was the way you carried yourself.
there was this... this aura, this radiation of confidence that was magnetic enough for him to be pulled to you.
under the table, he was practically going to rub one out. he kept adjusting his pants, kept palming his dick that was straining against his pants and standing up against his thoughts of not fucking you ever.
ugh, just how fucking good you'd look on his bed, and he swears he could go above his rounds per fucking streak of 4 with you; from classic missionary to the amazon position, from sixty-nine to his foot on your face while he fucked your ass from the back. fuck, he'd even let you peg him, something he's always refused to do.
just how good you'd look while sliding your strap-on inside of him, his eyes going wide, as well as your smile at the sight of his pretty face. he thinks you'd like some crazy songs playing in the background, similar to the vibe of playboi carti.
fuck, he'd hold onto your tits for support, comfort, for just the fucks of it no matter who is topping.
"um, excuse me?" you asked when he spaced out in the middle.
"yeah?" he said, looking up from the table where both of your milkshakes resided.
"thank you for the interview. i appreciate it a lot!" you said, smiling at him, completely unaware of the junk he had in his brain about you. you put out your hand for a friendly yet professional handshake.
"oh, yeah, of course." he muttered out, responding to your hand with his that was definitely sweaty.
as you closed your notepad and stopped the recording, he looked up at your face finally.
"can I ask you a question too?"
"oh, yes, of course." you said, looking up at him with a face of genuine curiosity. maybe it would be something like —
"when will this be posted?"
"where can I read it?"
"will there be a hardcopy?"
"would you ever fuck me if you could?"
and suddenly, this was the first time you regretted not recording the aftermath of an interview.
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vaspider · 2 months ago
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Spider, can I ask you and your followers for some input in a situation? I want some unbiased opinions, especially from parents of adult kids (bonus if your adult kids are disabled). I've tried to be as unbiased as possible and include both sides. I am aware that you're under no obligation to actually answer, but I'm hoping that if you're not able to provide any input, then one of your followers might be able to.
TLDR at the end.
The context:
Basically, I am an adult in my late 20s. I haven't lived with my parents since they threw me out at 19 for being diagnosed with autism and they were told that I wasn't capable of living independently without years of occupational therapy. I was homeless for 13 months. Like literally two days later, they dropped me off at work, confiscated my house keys, and said to find somewhere else to sleep because I wasn't coming back home. (My parents insist that I wasn't actually homeless because I already had my current job and was able to afford to stay at a youth homeless shelter. I say "what the fuck do you think Homeless Shelter means??") After that, I was able to get a government grant for chronically homeless youth that allowed me to get a room in a student housing complex. It's not dorms, but it works like a dorm. I do have a private room.
My bedroom of my apartment is a mess. My bedroom has always been a mess. I have AuDHD and multiple disabilities, including extreme fatigue so that's not unexpected. During lockdown, it was especially bad. I had to move out of my last apartment in 2021 because one of my roommates was a bigot and my building wanted a new tenet so they could charge more rent, so between the two of them, they forced me out for being a "safety concern" due to the mess (the roommate did things like lie and say I didn't bathe, even though I was literally still wet from the shower). My parents ended up helping me pack up my stuff and move to a new place. I've been here for a few years and my roommates here have always been okay with the mess because it stays confined to my room.
(Also I wrote this at like 5AM and I'm half asleep but I wasn't going to be able to go back to bed until I ask someone unbiased. So please excuse any typos, and I hope everything makes sense and nothing came out as gibberish because sometimes by brain refuses to Word Good.)
The problem:
My mother decided when I moved in that my dad was going to be inspecting my bedroom in order to make sure it's clean. He's been putting her off but she's been on his ass about it for three years so he's finally caved and said that next time he's here to bring me something (I cannot drive due to disabilities), that he would be inspecting my room.
I do not want my room inspected. I've been very clear about that since day one. Yes, my room is a mess, but I'm also a grownass adult. My parents say that since they've given me some money for my rent over the past few years that they're entitled to inspect my room. I say that it's a violation of my autonomy. My room is my safe space. My mother is an obsessively clean person so growing up, my room wasn't really mine, and everything had to be to her standards whether I liked it or not (including things like what color I paint my furniture that I owned).
My parents do not care about my boundaries, and would say that since I've proven incapable in the past (re: because I'm disabled, not that they'd ever admit it), that they're trying to protect me by keeping me from being kicked out again.
I am skeptical about this and believe it's more about controlling me (see: throwing me out for having autism and just generally being extremely controlling my entire life). My parents have refused to stop giving me money for my rent every now and then (I have a job and pay at least the majority of my rent, but there are some months where business is slow and I don't get many hours, and no one wants to hire me because I act Autistic and use a cane) and I end up short. I have resolved to do everything I can to not need their help, including having my sister pick up my prescriptions, in order to avoid my parents coming over and inspecting my room.
Also, my building already does quarterly inspections and they've always been okay with my room, but I know my room won't be to my parents' standards. I don't have any local friends that I could ask for help cleaning up, but like, I'm a Spoonie. I clean my toilet and then have to go lay down because I'm getting dizzy. I am not making much progress myself.
The question:
Are my parents right? Have I shown that I cannot be trusted to keep my room clean, thus entitling them to come inspect it to make sure it's not a mess. They will definitely yell at me and have threatened to withdraw what support they do give me if my room is a mess or I refuse to let them inspect it? Or am I right to put my foot down and enforce my boundaries?
Side note, my parents have a history of being abusive and controlling. That's something I had to prove to the government to get my grant. They would insist that it's not abuse. Some of it was quite bad but I'm not going to get into it here.
TLDR:
I'm an adult with disabilities who has my own apartment. My parents think they're entitled to come inspect my room to make sure it's clean. I say that it's my apartment and I say no. They have threatened to withdraw what support they do give me if I refuse. Are my parents being unreasonable, or am I the one being unreasonable for refusing?
Your parents have no right to inspect your room. You are an adult. This is your apartment, not theirs. Your mother is wrong. Your parents are being invasive. I think they think they're being reasonable bc they care about your well being, but they aren't respecting your autonomy.
Sometimes, being a parent means you gotta let your kids not do things the way you would or even not do things the way that is best for them. It's hard, but it's necessary.
If you still lived with your parents and your lack of cleanliness was affecting their lives, it might be different ... but this is just your parents being fucking weird.
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mourndust · 8 days ago
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18+ mdni, age gap (cait’s 25 and reader is 37), dom!cait x sub!afab reader who’s cassandra’s protegeé in the council, mean!cait, based on a anon request, vaginal tribbing, mutual masturbation.
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you have said no to her flirting multiple times — but caitlyn's a fucking brat, and hearing no for an answer seems to be something she don't usually understand well, something she don’t experience at all.
her little show has all the ingredients to become a disaster. now that you began to hang out with cassandra as a new addition to the council and cait’s twenty five just getting into the basic functions of being an adult, it's clear she has no fucking idea of what she's getting into when she flirted with a woman that was ten years older than her, when she makes you blush from mentioning something about the nice outfit you pull out for council meetings or your makeup.
she makes you sure you notice she's looking at you when she goes out with her friends and gets drunk cause she's celebrating being the best of her class, graduating with astonishing grades in her generation and simply staring at you before leaving. if cassandra knew, hell, if she only knew how turned on you are by her only daughter, you'd be ten feet away from any political discussion, removed from your comfortable chair in the council with the good amount of power you’ve worked hard for.
so you try to keep your distance, problem is, caitlyn just loves to make you a disaster. loves to notice how you fluster for a comment, how you are free to say something insanely inappropriate and unable to take compliments without getting all shy and nervous — she always had things her way, the spoiled rich girl from piltover who has everything in the palm of her hand, so she expects you to well, follow.
it seems common for her to be constantly teasing her luck, like she’s waiting for the moment you'll admit you are all over her too, that you don't care about your political image, not when most of the council did similar things beneath closed doors.
"you know i'm older than you, cait. workin’ with your mother" you say, yet's impossible to ignore her when she's texting you in the night, asking if you could give her a ride home since she's too drunk to go on a car by her own: little liar. “i have duties to fulfill. can’t be distracted right now.”
she just love the idea of being your younger girlfriend, you’re what? thirty seven? six? doesn’t really matter how old exactly when you’re attractive to her. she's older now, and caitlyn wants a woman with her life already solved, someone interesting that will keep up on her conversations and needs, and in reality, she just wanted you plain and simple, does not matter if you've been hanging out with her mother lately or how important you are for the council. you.
that's why she's seated there anyway, in the passenger seat of your car, mentioning something about being an awful night even when it's just midnight. and you're offering to drop her back home safe and sound cause you have work to do tomorrow morning, but she's whining about cassandra and how annoying she is whenever she goes out with her friends, excuse after excuse.
"can i stay with you?" caitlyn asks after a while as you drive—. "just for tonight. i'll leave early."
your first mistake would be accepting, letting her invade your space so easily, but it's too late when caitlyn's taking her heels off in the entrance after a long day, and you're doing nothing but making her feel like home, shoving your hands on the black suit you wear after been working all day.
"you take my bed, i'll sleep on the couch"
"we can sleep together, i mean. you'll take care of me, i trust you-" you're blushing again cause she's not drunk, not even remotely touched by the drink she had before in the club with her friends, but she's acting up like she needs help, like she needs to sleep next to you. "sofa's uncomfortable."
"you already know what will happen if we sleep together, caitlyn."
she don't seem to care, not when she's standing in front of you, dressed in her satin navy blue dress, hands crossed over her chest as you have the audacity of look at her cleavage cause it's there and to be honest, it's pleasing to look at.
"my eyes are up here," cait replies, holding you by the jaw only to pull it upwards, making you look at her eyes instead of her chest. "wouldn't be so bad if we fucked either way, you're in the council not because of my mother, you don't owe her loyalty."
it's a good point, cause you're not really close to cassandra or the kiramman house until recently, and she's pointing it out with a satisfied smirk when cait can smell your doubt in the air — "this is between you and me, understand? no one else."
so she has it all: best grades in her generation, cool job, friends and you wrapped around her finger, expensive clothes that fitted so damn well, a nice rich family, a cozy place for herself in a good zone in piltover and your whole damn attention.
"i don't need nobody's permission to be here with you," she continues, and suddenly the air is hot cause she's cornering you, taking advantage of being taller as her voice soothe every nerve "neither do you, love."
she deserves your kisses after, almost like a treat as her mouth finds yours. she's quickly to demand as she swallows an almost unnoticeable moan, makes you a victim 'cause caitlyn's kisses are so embarrassingly good you're already wet from the act of it, how she's not afraid of angling your face up to adjust it how she needs it to be, manicured nails digging in your skin when her tongue is sliding in and she's just breathing against you, heavy breathing as she makes your hair to the side only to bare the column of your throat to her lips.
“where’s your room,” she asks marking you cause she wants to know what shitty excuse you'll say tomorrow in work, the face you'll make when someone asks you what happened.
she wants to be in your sheets, be in every space you own until she's part of you and your life, so you let her pull you to the dimly lit hallway, the warm lights shinning against her skin and the satin fabric of her dress as she guides you — as if's not your house already, to your own room.
and caitlyn kiramman is a dream. should be a product of your imagination as she slips off the thin shoulder strap of her dress, the dress now pooling on the ground as she enters your room, turning on the lights cause she desires to be seen, be heard and worshipped as her hands finds the jacket of your suit, letting it fall close to her dress; your white shirt follows after, your black pants and it's everything you want.
fuck it if it's not heaven on earth, cause it feels just like it when she's crawling on top of you, pushing you to the bed to give you the most interesting view. the air is hot as you seem to forgot how to breathe, the toned muscles of her back and her already pebbled nipples rubbing against yours as she leans to kiss you.
fuck it if it's not heaven on earth.
caitlyn settles between your legs and she's wearing this sinful underwear that barely count as one as you can see her cunt from over the fabric, spreading your legs cause the friction — the damn friction of the lingerie against your black undies already dampening is unbearing, making you needy to have her closer.
she looks gorgeous from there. looking down at you with a smirk of winning, gripping on your thigh only be able to ride you at her own pace, cruelly cause from over the fabric you crave nothing but the direct contact.
the white cloth seems to cling into caitlyn's sex, her arousal already smeared against the transparent fabric as she holds her moans in, straight hair cascading against the sharp angles of her face, and the sight of her is enough to make you ache, she's bitting her lower lip as wet sounds fill the air, barely holding her sounds in as she moves against you.
“gonna make you part of my very own soul, do you hear me?" she says as her fingers pull on your underwear to the side — "so even my ghost is tangled with yours."
you're creaming your underwear and its embarrassing as white traces of your arousal still fresh sticks to caitlyn's underwear, soaked folds as she moves enough so her cunt rubs against yours.
"take that shit off," you whine, pulling on the string of the blue haired panties. "please cait, take it off."
"there you are," her words slur together as she speaks, cheeks blushed, lips parted, a damn view — "now you speak huh? be louder, i need to hear you councillor. make your demands clear."
"i said take your panties off, cait" you say, prompting yourself over your elbows — "let me feel you."
must be the look you give, the commanding undertone in your voice, but she's finally getting rid of her underwear and you're welcomed, instead, with her soaked pussy now grinding at a perfect pace on top of you. parted legs, her weight pushes you down against the mattress and it's oh so good; caitlyn's arousal dampens her thighs and it's messy, downright filthy, those meetings where you know you'll need a damn shower after but she craves it, the wet sound you two make with each undulated movement of her hips, the fucked out expression in your face.
it takes a moment to get you there: her skin is dampening with sweat, her tits bounce with each movement and she's so fucking sensitive at this point cait's mumbling erratic praising words, using her hands to spread you open and slowly use a couple of fingers to rub against your clit.
and her moans are delicious, oversensitive as you she finally cums on top of you, shaking when your fingers reach her clit, making a mess on your bed right before you follow through, moving your own hips against her pussy cause you're greedy, greedy and you'll take anything you can get as you ride your orgasm, creamy white mixing up in caitlyn's swollen cunt.
and her breathing's not yet controlled as she's hugging you, taking care of you as she presses soft kisses on your back cause she likes being like that, the temperature of your body against her, the burnt sensation as she keeps you against her in the bliss high of pleasure, a tangled mess of limbs and sweat.
how they say? piltover royalty needs to have it all.
you must known it would be stupid after to accept an invitation to have tea and discuss political agenda with cassandra kiramman when her only daughter is visiting her again out of nowhere, giving you that damn look you are now well aware of.
are you going to let me ruin you again?
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thewertsearch · 2 months ago
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TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon TG: just a few days before mine remembr […] TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk TG: but not like anything coming on too strong
I don't think you need to overthink things, where Jake is concerned. Just like John, he strikes me as a rather straightforward guy, and would probably appreciate the direct approach.
Seriously, just be upfront with your feelings. He'll respond with either "capital! let us begin courting, post-haste!", or "sincerest apologies, my dear compatriot, but my heart lies with my cerulean beauties!"
Either way, the issue will be resolved. Simple as that.
TG: something that says TG: this is totes platonic and everything TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here TG: but still says you know TG: call me TG: if you wanna
Nah, I'm just fucking with you.
These are teenagers. They're full of big emotions that they don't know what to do with, and they're navigating the treacherous waters of romance without a map. I might have dunked on Eridan when he said it, back in our Hivebent days, but when you're a kid, growing up really is hard, and nobody does understand. Not even you.
Roxy's not going to initiate a frank discussion about her feelings with Jake - she's going to pine for at least fifty pages, and then impulsively confess everything at once, probably in the middle of a crisis. Sometimes, that's just how it goes, when you're a teenager - and it's always how it goes when you're a fictional teenager.
TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????
Wait, ok. So Roxy is pretending she's going to flirt with Jake - but she's really just messing with Jane, because Jane's also into him.
It's nice that there's no bad blood between the two as a result. You just know that in a lesser story, Jane and Roxy would proceed to squabble over this guy until it completely ruined their friendship. Thank you, Homestuck, very cool!
TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one
In every timeline, Roxy is destined to swoon over the prefect gentleman that is Dad Egbert.
GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other. TG: oh jane TG: so naive TG: soooo niaev
The Bro we knew probably shouldn't have been dating anyone. Perhaps this version of him is equally unapproachable, and Roxy knows it - his little out-of-office responder would certainly suggest that that's the case.
GG: How can you be this fargone so early? […] TG: its a lot later here GG: You're three hours ahead of me! TG: youd would be amazed TG: how much can happen TG: in 3 hours GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you? TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit
Rose, what the fresh fuck!
Look - guys, I know she's not exactly the maternal type, but come on. Even the adult Roxy, absent and alcoholic as she was, at least lifted a finger to keep her daughter safe, and you're telling me Rose can't even clear that bar?
Maybe Roxy's projecting a little. Rose often assumed her mother was acting in bad faith, even when that wasn't necessarily the case, and there's no reason that something similar couldn't be happening here.
...right?
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itneverendshere · 10 months ago
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THE OTHER SIDE OF PARADISE - rafe cameron (+18) - three
WARNINGS: smut!; guns; mentions of human trafficking
word count: 7.9k.
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Growing up, you had to develop a thick skin.
With two deadbeat parents, it wasn't a choice—it was a necessity.
Unlike JJ, you never blamed your mother for leaving, she was a victim too, and despite your nightly wishes and prayers that she had taken you with her, you found solace in knowing that at least one of you had escaped the torment of the Maybank household.
You learned early on to rely only on yourself. While you had your younger brother, you never placed that burden on his shoulders.
As the older sister, it was your responsibility to take the blame for everything and to shield him from Luke's drunken or drug-fueled rages. You never resented JJ for it, you couldn’t—neither of you asked to be born into that situation.
You tried to take each day slowly, avoiding the house and staying at John B's as much as possible, but it was easier said than done. You felt like a burden to your friends, especially since you were the one who had to be the adult in the group. Kie, Pope, John B…weren’t supposed to take care of you. And yet, they did, they took you in, shared their homes, and gave you the semblance of family you craved but never had.
It was a weird balance, living with a foot in both worlds: the chaotic storm of the Maybank household and the calm haven of your friends' places.
At John B's, despite its share of brokenness, it provided a refuge where you could breathe without the fear of violence. You often found yourself on the porch, watching the sunset over the marsh, your mind wandering to dreams of freedom. Those moments were precious, tiny pockets of peace in your life.
But no matter how much you tried to distance yourself from the fucking chaos, it was always there, lurking in the background.
Luke Maybank’s shadow was long and dark, and it followed you everywhere.
Each time your phone buzzed with a message from JJ, your heart would race, fearing the worst. It was a responsibility you bore proudly, protecting your brother from a world that seemed determined to break you both.
It felt natural to ease into being the provider, to think, to act, to protect. It became second nature, an ingrained part of your identity forged from necessity. While others your age worried about stupid parties, hook ups, drinking, you were strategizing the best ways to keep your brother safe, figuring out how to stretch what little money you had, and ensuring that there was always something for JJ to eat, even if it meant you went without. 
You learned how to calm Luke down when he was on the brink of a violent outburst, and how to read the signs of an impending beating in his eyes. You figured out which neighbors might turn a blind eye to your requests for help, and which ones might call social services if they saw too much. 
There were moments, rare and fleeting when you allowed yourself to dream too. You imagined a future where you and JJ were free from the chains of your upbringing. But dreams were a luxury you could rarely afford.
So, when Rafe told you—no, demanded—that you stayed in the deadbeat motel room while he met up with his contacts, you lost it. 
He'd gotten the text earlier in the morning and decided he was smart enough to lure you out of this. Except he wasn't.
“Excuse me?”
“You’re not going.”
You didn’t take it lightly to people making choices for you.
Your mouth opened in indignant shock, "You think you can just order me around? I'm not staying here while you go off and do God knows what.”
You knew he wasn’t used to people standing up to him.
"It's for your own good," his tone was condescending, like you were a child, “You don't understand the kind of people I'm dealing with. It's dangerous."
"Dangerous?" You nearly smacked him across the head. "You think I don’t know what danger is? Look around!"
Rafe opened his mouth to retort, but you cut him off, stepping closer and jabbing a finger into his chest. You’d done a lot of that recently.
"It’s my life on the line too. I’m not going to sit here and wait for you to come back like some obedient little bitch.”
His face practically matched the color of the deep red curtains in your room, “You’re making this a lot harder than it needs to be, Maybank.”
"No, you are," you fired back. "I’m going with you.”
“No.”
“I wasn’t asking.”
He took a step away from you, fingers pointed at his temples, “What part of fucking dangerous do you not get?”
“If it’s dangerous for me, it’s dangerous for you.”
Rafe’s jaw clenched, the muscles in his neck tensing visibly. His gaze bore into yours, but you’d be damned if you looked away first.
“This isn’t a game,” He was clearly growing frustrated with your stubbornness, “You have no idea what these people are capable of.”
“Maybe not,” You conceded, “But I’m not staying behind and you’re not going alone.”
He let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand along his grown-out hair. 
“They chew up people like you.”
 “I’ve been chewed up by worse.”
He knew that. He saw the determination in you, that unyielding grit that drove him up the fucking walls, he understood that he wasn’t going to win the fight. Unless he played dirty. 
“You’re too stubborn, y’know that, right?”
You chose to ignore him, grabbing the simple sweater he’d gotten for you the day before at a local market, “When do we leave?”
He almost sprinted to the door, “Now.”
You moved to follow him as he stepped outside into the hallway, but before you could follow, he grabbed your arm.
"Wait."
You almost pulled away, irritated enough. "What now?"
His grip tightened, "This might hurt.”
"What?" You tried to twist free, glaring at him.
"Change of plans."
Before you could react, he pushed you back inside the room, slamming the door shut. He didn’t do it hard enough to make you fall, but the treason came so suddenly that you nearly lost your balance as you heard the lock click, the sound echoing in the small space. 
"Rafe! You piece of shit!” You pounded on the door, “Let me out! You can't do this!"
His voice was muffled but firm from the other side. "Stay here.”
"You motherfucker!" You screamed, kicking the door but there was no clipped answer from the other side, only the echo of your own frantic breathing.
He was gone, the stupid bastard.
You collapsed against the door, locked like some helpless child.
Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you refused to cry over something so stupid. You were a Maybank, damn it, and Maybanks didn’t back down from a fight, even when their choices were taken from them.
Any other day, you’d have jumped out the damn window without a second thought—done it plenty of times back home. But this was different. Your room was too high up. Sure, you could probably get away with a few scrapes, maybe a busted finger, but you couldn’t afford to be vulnerable. If shit hit the fan, you needed to be ready to run, two working legs were non-negotiable.
Your eyes flicked around the room, scanning for an out. Then they landed on the bed—sturdy frame, solid wood.
That’s it.
You moved fast, yanking the sheets off the mattress, fingers working on autopilot as you twisted and knotted them together. A makeshift rope. And people said Pogues weren’t fucking smart.
It wasn’t pretty, but it would do. You secured one end to the bed frame, giving it a few hard tugs to make sure it’d hold. Once satisfied, you tossed the other end out the window, watching as it unraveled down the side of the building.
No hesitation.
You grabbed hold and swung a leg over the sill, gripping tight as you started lowering yourself down. Not your first time, not your worst idea. Slow—one slip and you’d be eating pavement.
When your feet finally hit solid ground, you exhaled, only now realizing you’d been holding your breath.
Right. Focus.
Rafe mentioned something last night—meeting, bar, bartender named Miguel. Some dingy spot by the marina.
You rushed back inside the motel, ignoring the puzzled look from the front desk guy as you barked out questions about the bar. He hesitated, taken aback by your urgency, the way you blurted out the words, but you didn’t have time for explanations or politeness.
"Just tell me where it is," you pleaded, “It’s important.”
His hesitation grated on your nerves, but finally, he scrawled an address onto a scrap of paper and shoved it into your hand.
“It’s not far,” he muttered, eyeing you warily. “But be careful. That place ain’t safe for a lady on her own.”
So, nothing new.
Any place overrun with men—or worse, drunk men—was a trap in itself. But instead of saying that, you gave a curt nod and bolted out the door. You had bigger problems.
You gripped the paper as you tore through the streets, dodging bodies, moving fast. And then—before you could process what the hell was happening—a hand clamped down on your arm, fingers digging deep into your skin. You barely had time to react before you were yanked off-course, dragged straight into the dark alley you’d purposely avoided.
The situation felt all too familiar.
Your heart leaped into your throat, adrenaline pumping in and out of your veins. Instinctively, you struggled against the unknown grip, kicking and clawing in a desperate attempt to break free.
"Let go of me!" you shouted, your voice echoing off the narrow walls of the alley, “I got nothing on me, let me go you stupid fuck!”
You threw an elbow back hard, landing it somewhere solid. Your captor let out a grunt, grip slipping long enough for you to wrench yourself free. You spun, ready to swing—ready to take his teeth out—
"Rafe?!"
“What the fuck is wrong with you!”
"What the fuck is wrong with you, you mean?" You exploded, chest heaving.
“Me?” Rafe barked, all up in your personal space, “What the fuck is wrong with you? You jumped out a fucking window?!”
He knew you wouldn’t back down so easily, that's why he waited around the corner, hoping you were smart enough to keep still even though he knew you would never.
You blinked, the shock of seeing him in front of you momentarily overriding your anger. "You—you locked me in there!"
"Yeah, because you wouldn't listen!" he shot back, his frustration evident in his tone, “Fuck—Jesus fucking Christ.” He was shaking his head wildly, his hands balled into fists as he cursed away like a mantra. 
"I'm not staying behind while you go off risking your life!"
"And I told you, it's too dangerous for you!" Rafe's voice rose with each word, his hands balling into fists at his sides. His pacing intensified, “What the hell were you thinking? What were you gonna do? Walk in and what, huh? You don't even have a gun on you!"
“So? Give me yours!”
Rafe’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Give you, my gun?! Did you hit your fucking head against the concrete?
“I’ll hit your head against the concrete if I have to.”
His left eye twitched. Oh, you had him now. “I have half a mind to bend you over my fucking knee, don’t push me.”
You ignored him. “So you’d rather I go in there unarmed? I can do it.”
“Clearly. Look at you,” Rafe’s voice was mocking, “You think I liked locking you in that room?”
“You didn't give me a choice! I wasn't going to sit around and wait for you."
Rafe sighed, palms pressing into his eyes “I’m trying to protect you, God fucking damn it. I’m trying to keep you safe.”
“Save it,” You hissed out, pressing a hand to your chest. “How am I supposed to trust you when you pull this—this shit!”
Rafe reached into the waistband of his trousers, his movements slow, and you nearly wheezed out a cough as he pulled out his gun, lifting his shirt in the process.
What the fuck.
He took your hand and dropped it into your palm. “Show me.”
“Huh?”
He nodded towards your hand. “Show me you know how to handle it.”
The sudden changes in his attitude always left you speechless.
You hesitated, staring at the weapon in your hand, because despite the place you grew up in, you never held a gun before, let alone fired one. With trembling fingers, you checked the safety and made sure the gun was loaded, trying to mimic what you had seen in movies.
Rafe watched silently for once, assessing.
You lifted your gaze to meet his.
“Alrigh'. Now, point it at me.”
“What?!”
“I said point it at me,” He repeated nonchalantly, “C’mon.”
"Are you crazy?"
Rafe only smirked, tilting his head like you’d just asked if the sky was blue. "What’s the matter? You wanted a gun. Now use it."
You gritted your teeth. Oh, he was enjoying this. 
This was crazy.
With shaky hands, you raised the gun, aiming it high enough to have him flinch. He didn’t, of course. 
“Good,” Rafe nodded in approval. “Now, pull the trigger.”
“What the hell?! Rafe?!”
“Trust me, Maybank, just once.”
Your breath caught in your throat.
Pull the trigger. He wasn’t fucking serious, was he? You couldn’t actually shoot him, could you? Maybe months ago you would’ve done it without a second guess, but now?
“I’m not pulling the trigger.”
“Just do it. You’re not going to hurt me, okay?”
With a deep breath, you squeezed the trigger, half expecting the gun to recoil in your hand. But nothing happened.
You had forgotten to chamber a round, but he knew that already.
Rafe’s mouth twitched in a half-smile, as if the entire situation was normal, “You forgot to chamber a round.”
"God, you are so fucking—” You huffed out a breath, flipping the safety back on with a sharp click before shoving the gun into his chest. He caught it easily, but his smirk widened like you’d just done exactly what he wanted.
“What?” he drawled. “Didn’t feel so powerful anymore?"
You watched him carefully, his bottom lip stuck out and, embarrassingly, you found you wanted to kiss him.
“Try again.”
This time, when you reached for the gun, your fingers barely brushed against the cool metal before he yanked it back, holding it just out of reach.
“Oh, now you want it?” Rafe taunted.
You narrowed your eyes. “Give me the gun.”
He spun it lazily between his fingers, watching you like lion toying with its prey. “Why? So you can pretend you know what the fuck you’re doing?"
Your jaw clenched. “Maybe so I can shoot you.”
"You wouldn’t.”
You hated how certain he sounded.
This time, when he handed it back to you with a conceited smile, you aimed the gun at the wall and pulled the trigger, feeling the recoil jolt along your body as the bullet fired. The sound echoed off the walls of the alley, causing your heart to race even faster.
“Atta girl.”
“I’m still pissed."
“I know,” Rafe conceded as he reached up to brush your hair from your eye, fingers grazing the side of your neck.  “I panicked, okay?”
You studied him for a moment, taking in the tired lines around his eyes, the way his shoulders sagged with exhaustion. He’d done so much for you over the past weeks, it shook you to the core. The countless times he had gone above and beyond, selflessly putting your needs before his own. Perhaps…you could let it go, just this once.
“Okay.”
"Let's go.”
“Wait, right now?”
"Before you get another bright idea and try to jump off a fucking roof next time."
You should punch him in the mouth.
"Next time, I’ll make sure to aim for your fucking head.”
Rafe shook his head as he holstered the gun back where it belonged.
“You’d miss. Now, c'mon, we're late."
✩.⋆⁺。𖦹 ˚₊ ๋⭒★✩.⋆⁺。𖦹 ˚₊ ๋⭒★✩.⋆⁺。𖦹 ˚₊ ๋⭒★✩.⋆⁺。𖦹 ˚₊ ๋⭒★✩.⋆⁺。𖦹 ˚₊
Hours later, you collapsed onto the bed, wondering what the hell you’d gotten yourself into, again. The events of the meeting kept replaying in your mind like a broken record.
You’d never met such a group of people before, and you didn’t want to, ever again.
"Human traffickers," you muttered, the words feeling foreign on your tongue. "I can't believe we just met with human traffickers."
Rafe nodded solemnly, "Yeah.”
"I don't trust them. What if... What if they decide to snatch us up and... Oh my god, what if this is all just a ploy..."
“We’re in this together, okay? I won’t let anything happen to you.”
You wanted to believe him, but your brows were already furrowed, your mind racing with questions. “How do you know these people?”
He hesitated, “Barry. It’s... a long story. But right now, what’s important is that we got a way out, yeah?”
You nodded slowly, realizing that asking him for more information wouldn’t get you anywhere. There were more important things to worry about.  You didn’t know what was worse anymore, running from Ward Cameron, finding yourself at the mercy of human traffickers, or potentially developing feelings for someone who’d ruined so many lives. 
God, if your brother saw you now…you’d be the greatest disappointment of his life.
The mere idea consumed you entirely. The things you’d done.
You'd let Rafe into your bloodstream and you hated yourself for it.
Everything was spiraling out of your control, and you hated it. What would you even tell him? You didn’t even know if JJ made it to shore, but something told you that he did. He always did. And that meant that sooner or later you’d see him, and you’d have to watch him gradually despise you. 
And then there was Rafe.
The very thought of him made you want to stop breathing altogether.
How could you even begin to reconcile the feelings you harbored for someone who had brought so much pain and destruction into your life? It felt like a betrayal to even consider half of it.
“You good, Maybank?”
You dragged your gaze away from the swirling fan on the ceiling to meet Rafe's concerned stare. He was studying you intently.
You shifted on the bed, turning to face him fully. "I don’t know,” you muttered, forcing a weak smile that didn't quite reach your eyes, “You?”
He reached out to gently tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. It always surprised you, how surprisingly light his touch felt compared to before.
“I don’t know.”
He had every reason to abandon you, to wash his hands clean of the entire situation, but he hadn’t.
You nodded, a lump forming in your throat.
It was hard to believe that someone like him could be capable of such tenderness, vulnerability. But there he was. “They’re about you.”
"Me?" you repeated quietly, confused, you knew speaking too loudly would shatter the fragile moment between you two.
Rafe nodded, scanning your face for any sign of understanding.
"Yeah. You."
Your brows pulled together, “What is?”
He visibly gulped, pressing his lips together, blinking several times before releasing a held breath “The nightmares.”
Oh.
You almost stopped breathing, "What about them?" 
He moved uncomfortably, “They used to be just about my mom. Then dad. Now, it’s—uh, it’s just you. Ever since that night, it’s just you. Dying, because of—yeah.”
You hadn’t realized the extent of the impact that night, when you got shot, had on him, on both of you. It was a lot to process, you hadn't had the time to figure everything out yet.
His fingers brushed over the ugly scar on your arm, and memories flooded your mind. The gunshots, the crippling fear you felt when they got to you, how Rafe reacted, how he touched you. 
“You should’ve told me before.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
For a moment, you let yourself lean into his touch, allowing the warmth of his hand to chase away the ghosts that haunted you both most night.
"Does it still hurt?" He asked, leaning in so his nose brushed against yours; it was warm against your skin. 
You shook your head, "Not anymore."
His fingers continued their path up, eventually reaching your cheek as he cupped it tenderly, carefully, as if he’d break you if he rushed it. 
You closed your eyes, savoring the closeness between you. And then, almost hesitantly, you felt him lean in, his mouth brushing against yours in a delicate caress. You hardly had to move to kiss him, only tilting your chin up.
It was tender, different from the ones you had before, just so quiet that it made you want to burst into tears, torn between giving yourself to him or run away and never look back.
You kissed him too, tentatively once his hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer. In that moment, little else mattered, not the dangers lurking in the shadows, not his past sins, not the uncertain future or your self hatred.
All that existed was that overwhelming pull you felt for him. But as the kiss deepened, a voice of reason, which weirdly sounded a lot like your younger brother, scolded you in the back of your mind, reminding you of the consequences of your actions.
You pulled away instantly, burned by the same, breathless and dizzy, your heart pounding in your chest.
“We shouldn’t…”
Rafe only stared, before he nodded, understanding dawning in him.
"Get some rest.”
You nodded in agreement, grateful for the distraction. With a guilty sigh, you lifted yourself off the bed, making your way to the bathroom to change into some booty shorts and a simple tee.
Once you emerged from the bathroom, Rafe was already settled on the bed, only in his boxers, his attention fixed on some point on the wall. You hesitated before joining him, knowing sleeping next to him again wasn't a good idea, the distance and closeness between you feeling suffocating. 
You wanted to say something to break the tension, but the words stuck in your throat, so instead, you settled for a nod, and a quiet “Goodnight.” 
You slipped under the covers, the warmth of the blankets cocooning you in a false sense of security. 
“Night, pretty Maybank.”
You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping it would somehow trick your brain into shutting up. But no—your thoughts kept spinning, bouncing around, a personal playlist stuck on shuffle. Sleep was simply out of reach, slipping away the second you get close. Every tiny noise—the creak of the floor, a car passing outside—made your heart jump, your body tense like you'd been waiting for something to happen. You move restlessly under the covers, but the new sheets felt all wrong, twisting around your legs, trying to trap you there.
You heard Rafe's voice beside you, breaking the silence.
“Can’t sleep if you keep moving.”
“Sorry.”
He reached out, his hand finding yours in the darkness, “What is it?”
“Can’t sleep.”
His hold tightened around yours, "I know, Maybank," he spoke in a ushed tone, "But you're safe here. Try to relax, okay?"
You squeezed your eyes shut, already feeling the upcoming headache, “I don’t know how to.”
It was quiet again for a minute and you feared you’d bored the man to sleep with your insecurities, but then he spoke again.
“Turn around.”
You opened your eyes, even though you could barely see him. Was he telling you to spoon him?
“What?”
Rafe's thumb gently brushed against the back of your hand in a soothing rhythm, “Turn round f’me, kay?”
With a sigh, you did as he asked, turning onto your side to face away from him. He moved closer, his body pulling against yours as he wrapped an arm around your waist, snuggling you against his chest.
His warmth enveloped you instantly as he pressed a light kiss to the back of your neck, his lips lingering against your skin. 
“There,” he whispered, breath tickling your ear. “Better?”
Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
These were dangerous waters.
If you couldn’t sleep before, you sure as hell weren’t about to do it now. Your traitorous brain was re-living that night, how he felt, how he touched you, how he fit right. 
An almost overwhelming, shameful feeling of arousal took over you, and with whatever courage or stupidity you had left from the day, you pressed yourself impossibly closer to him. His warmth seeped into your skin, your coiled muscles melting against him, feeling every ridge and turn of his body.
Your touch drew a low, guttural groan from Rafe, his breath hot against your skin as he pressed closer, his arousal unmistakable against your back. His breath fanned over your skin, the graze of his teeth on your shoulder sending a shiver curling down your entire body. Then came the flick of his tongue, soothing the sting, and you exhaled a breathy sigh just as his lips parted to bite down again—harder this time.
You weren’t stopping him.
His arm tightened around you as you traced the contours of his fingers, mapping out the familiar territory.
You exhaled hard, trying to get your heart to stop hammering, but then he shifted behind you, pressing in closer, and—fuck. Yeah, he knew exactly what he was doing. His hand slid lower, fingertips skimming under the hem of your shirt, trailing across your stomach.
With a boldness that surprised even yourself, you moved your hips, grinding back against him, seeking the friction that would ease the mess in your head. You just needed to forget for a while.
His mouth was at your ear now, “Relax,” he murmured, fingers dipping just a little lower, enough to make you tense in anticipation. “I’m right here.”
That was the problem.
You didn’t think—you just moved, testing him the way he was testing you. His breath stuttered out, and then his hands were everywhere—palming over your hip, skimming up your ribs, gripping like he wanted to leave marks. His fingers finally found their way to the hem of your shorts, teasing the sensitive skin with feather-light touches.
Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging enough to pull a pleased hum from his throat. His lips parted against your neck, “Tell me to stop, please,” Words coming out a slurred mess.
You couldn’t.
Your hand trailed down, fingertips skimming over the bare skin of his thigh where his boxers had ridden up. The warmth of him, the way his muscles twitched under your touch—it was driving you insane. If you moved your hand just an inch higher, you’d—his thumb dragged over your nipple, the thin fabric of your shirt doing nothing to dull the sensation. 
You had to bite back a squeal. “I can’t.”
You still had your fingers buried in his hair, pulling like you wanted to hurt him, and Rafe just moaned into your skin, strained, he liked it.
An unrestrained, almost desperate plea escaped his mouth, "Are you sure?
This was so fucking wrong, but you wanted it, none of that mattered—not when you turned your head, lips grazing the edge of his cheek, and whispered, "Yes."
You gasped when Rafe raised his thigh, placing it between your own, his hands on your hips guiding you back and forth, grinding you down against his skin. You couldn’t remember a time you’d ever felt so out of control, so desperate for someone’s touch. The thin barrier of your shorts and panties felt like a small but significant obstruction to the numbness you needed to reach.
One of his hands slipped under the waistband of your panties, the other splaying across your stomach, holding you in place. His fingers found you slick and ready, a whimper vibrating across his chest at the discovery.
“Fuck,” he breathed out, his fingers starting a slow, torturous rhythm against your clit. You bucked against his hand, seeking more, needing more, your head already falling back against his broad shoulder, turning slightly to capture his lips. Once felt his tongue press against yours and you nearly came on the spot. He slowly circled your clit, sending your hips jerking into him, “Can’t stop touching you.”
You struggled to form words as breathy moans escaped your mouth.
“Please don’t,” you rasped, your thoughts turning to mush as he dipped the tips of his fingers inside you, gathering your slick and when you found your voice again, it was a mere screech, “Rafe...”
“I’ve got you,” he murmured, finally pushing two thick fingers inside you, at an agonizing pace, “I’ve got you.”
Your jaw went slack as he curled his fingers, a gasp escaping when he found that spot that made you see stars, wondering how the fuck he remembered that. The heel of his hand pressed against your clit, pulling another moan from you, while his other hand pushed you back, continuing to grind you against his fingers.
His breath was hot against your neck, his voice a growl as he removed his fingers, making you whine in protest. He glided one between your folds, the wetness easing up the process, “You’re so fucking perfect,” He clicked his tongue, annoyed at himself for admitting it out loud. “Can’t get enough f'you.”
“Ra—You’re gonna make me come,” you gasped as his arm left your waist, sliding underneath your ribcage and resting on your chest, kneading your tits through the fabric of your shirt, “Fuck.”
“Yeah, baby, that’s the point,” he purred into your ear, two fingers sliding inside you again, so suddenly you threw your head back, thighs clenching together tightly as he pumped his fingers in and out. At this point, you were lightheaded, fucking yourself back onto him, grinding down as you chased your orgasm. 
“Don’t stop,” you begged, your voice trembling with desperation. “Please, Rafe...”
His fingers quickened their pace, “Not stoppin',” he promised,“Want t'feel you dripping around my fingers.”
Your breath came in ragged gasps, your body trembling with the intensity of your approaching climax. Rafe's touch was relentless, his fingers curling inside you, hitting that perfect spot over and over.
“Rafe—” you cried out, your voice breaking as your orgasm crashed over you, wave after wave of intense pleasure radiating from your pussy.
Your body convulsed, and you clung to him, nails digging into his arm as you rode out the ecstasy.
Rafe held you without a break, his fingers never slowing, drawing out every last tremor of your release. When you finally came down, breathless and spent, he withdrew his fingers, not giving you a break to breathe as he shuffled behind you, pulling his boxers down, just enough to release his aching cock, doing the same to you as he slid his length between your folds.
The sensation was…everything, his heaviness pressing against your sensitive, slick entrance, the heat of him making you shiver. You bit your lip, suppressing a scream as Rafe's hand gripped your hip, holding you steady.
“Shit shit”, you breathed out, barely able to form coherent thoughts. The anticipation coiled inside you again, your body already aching for him, “’M sensitive.”
“Shhhh,” he purred, his voice husky against your ear. “Just relax, pretty.”
He rocked his hips slowly, the head of his fat cock teasing your entrance, not pushing in but sliding between your folds, spreading your wetness over his length. 
Holy fuck, you’d gone to heaven.
Rafe's breath hitched, his grip on your hip tightening as he tried to control himself.
“You feel so good,” he groaned, “So perfect.”
“Oh my god,” you sighed, biting your lip when his tip bumped against your clit, “I need you to—Shit, just fuck me.”
With a slow, deliberate motion, he angled his hips and began to push inside you, inch by tantalizing inch. The stretch was exquisite, slowly filling you in a way that left you gasping, your body accommodating him with a shuddering breath.
“Jesus,” Rafe hissed, his head dropping to rest against your shoulder as his cock twitched inside you. “So tight.”
Your fingers dug into the sheets, the thrill and the sensation of being filled to the hilt almost too much. You could feel every part of him, the way he throbbed inside you, the way his body fit perfectly against yours. You felt his breathing against your skin, coming out in uneven and ragged breaths.
He started a slow, steady rhythm, each thrust measured and deep, pulling out almost completely before pushing back in.
His other hand found your breasts, kneading the sensitive flesh through your shirt, sending jolts of pleasure straight to your core.
You couldn’t hold back the mewls that escaped your lips, each movement driving you higher, the tension building again. Rafe’s breath was ragged against your ear, his lips brushing your skin in sloppy, open-mouthed kisses.
He gently bit your earlobe, withdrawing his hips until only the tip of him remained inside you, before slowly pushing back in with deliberate, languid movements. You reached back, tangling your fingers in his hair once again.
“Rafe... harder, please,” you begged, shame thrown out the window, “I need it harder.”
He moaned, the sound vibrating through his chest as he complied, his hips snapping against you with more force, the sound of skin against skin filling the room. His hand slid down from your chest to your clit, circling the sensitive nub in time with his thrusts.
You felt the familiar coil of pleasure tightening, your body tensing as you teetered on the brink.
“Can’t belie—fuck. Can’t believe I get to have you again.”
You curved your back again, meeting his thrusts with equal fervor, your body craving the release that was so so close.
“I c-can’t hold on much longer,” you gasped, your voice barely more than a breathless whimper.
“Then let go,” Rafe growled, his fingers pressing harder against your clit. “Come for me, baby. I want to feel you.”
You groaned, “I want to see you when I do.”
Before he could answer, you pulled away from him, making him groan, but you shut him up as you turned to face him, dragging your shorts and panties out of the way, not looking where you threw them as you quickly lifted your body and settled over his, hands pressed to his naked chest as you rubbed yourself against him. 
Rafe's hands gripped your hips firmly as you positioned yourself above him, “You tryn’ to kill me, pretty Maybank?”
You smirked, leaning down to press a quick peck against his lips, “Yeah.”
Without any warning, you lowered yourself onto him, both gasping at the sensation of being joined once again. He filled you completely, stretching you in the most delicious way, his tip touching your cervix.
Your movements were slow at first, savoring all of him, every sensation that rippled from end to end of your body. But soon, the slow burn grew into a raging inferno, and you found yourself moving faster, chasing that peak of pleasure one more time.
“Get this fucking thing off,” He growled, pulling at your shirt. You would’ve found it funny if you weren’t so desperate to feel him.
You sat up, quickly tugging the shirt over your head and tossing it aside. Rafe's eyes darkened with lust as he took in your bare chest, his hands immediately finding your tits, thumbs brushing over your nipples in a way that made you gasp and arch into his touch.
You started to move again, lifting yourself up before sinking back down onto him, each movement sending waves of desire through both of you.
A filthy kiss followed, all spit and tongues tangling messily as if trying to devour each other whole.
The taste of him filled your mouth, cigarettes and toothpaste, his moans mingling with yours.
The kiss was a brutal assault, his teeth nipping at your lips, drawing blood, which only seemed to fuel the frenzied rhythm of your body. Rafe's grip on your hips tightened, guiding your movements, and encouraging you to take him deeper, pounding into you, abs flexing.
You leaned forward, your hands bracing against his sturdy chest, the new angle allowing him to hit even deeper inside you. The room was filled with the sound of your heavy breathing, your cries, and the rhythmic, filthy, slap of skin against skin.
“Fuck, this pussy can’t be real,” Rafe groaned, his eyes locked onto yours, the intensity of his gaze making your heart race. “Ride me harder, baby. Wanna watch you.”
You increased your pace, the friction and fullness driving you closer to the edge with each thrust. His hands moved from your hips to your waist, holding you steady as you moved, his touch grounding you even as you felt like you were about to come apart at the seams. His thumb found your clit again, rubbing it in tight, precise circles that had you crying out his name.
“Oh god, Rafe, I’m s-so close,” you panted, your body trembling with the effort to hold back your release, wanting to savor every second of this moment.
“Come for me, pretty. Wanna to feel you drippin’ all over my cock.”
That was all it took.
With a loud moan, you came, your body convulsing around him, your nails digging into his chest as the phases of your pleasure crashed over you. Rafe watched you, his expression one of pure awe, jaw slack open as his hands never left your body.
As your climax subsided, your breathing ragged and your limbs trembling, he gently kissed your temple, his lips tender. He murmured soothing words and you swore you were on cloud nine.
You felt his heartbeat, steady and strong against your own. His fingers traced lazy circles on your back, calming you, bringing you back to earth. 
But as the pleasure subsided, you became acutely aware of Rafe's cock still hard and throbbing inside you. His breath was ragged, his eyes void of any color, and you knew he was on the brink. You lifted yourself slightly, feeling him slip almost out of you before you sank back down, taking him deep again, despite the way your thighs burned, the way your hole ached.
"Rafe," you called, “Need to feel you come inside me."
His grip on you tightened, his eyes briefly closing as a guttural moan escaped his lips. He released you for a moment, only to bring his hand down sharply, delivering a stinging smack to your ass,
"Watch your fucking mouth.”
The sudden impact made you gasp, the pain amplifying your desire.
Rafe's eyes snapped open,"You like that, don't you?" he growled, "Look at you."
You could only nod, breathless and aching for more. His hands returned to your hips, guiding your movements with a renewed urgency. The sting from the slap lingered, a delicious reminder of his dominance, the only place you'd let him take the lead.
You started to move again, your pace slow and deliberate, your movements designed to drive him wild. Each time you sank onto him, you could feel him throbbing, his control slipping with every passing second. His fingers digging into the flesh of your ass as he tried to hold on.
"Please, baby," you whined, "I need to feel your cum."
The pet name did it.
With a growl, he shifted, flipping you onto your back and pinning you beneath him.
The sudden change made you gasp, your legs instinctively wrapping around his ass as he drove into you in a mean mating press. His pace was relentless, like he’d die if he stopped.
The sounds of your “oh’s” mixed with his grunts, only amplified the passion. You could feel the tension coiling inside him, the way his body strained against yours, every muscle taut with anticipation.
"Gonna fill you up,” he grounded out, his voice strained, "So fucking close."
You tightened your legs around him, pulling him deeper, your nails raking down his back, leaving red trails in their wake. "Come for me, baby," you urged, your desire reigniting at the thought of him finding his release, “Need you so bad.”
His eyes snapped open, locking onto yours with a feral intensity. "You want my cum?" he growled, thrusting harder, making you cry out in pleasure. "Beg for it."
"Please, Rafe," you gasped, feeling the pressure building inside you, "Fill me up. I need it. I need you."
With a final, powerful thrust, Rafe's body stiffened, his head dropping to rest against your shoulder as he let out a hoarse cry. You felt the hot rush of his release, the pulsing of his cock as he emptied himself inside you. His entire body trembled, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps as he rode out his orgasm. You could feel him pulsing, the warmth flooding you as he let out a primal growl, his grip on you almost bruising.
And right there, another orgasm ripped through you, your body tightening around him as you cried out his name.
He collapsed onto you, both of you panting and trembling. His weight was comforting, his breath hot against your neck as he pressed soft kisses to your skin, his earlier roughness giving way to a tender aftermath.
You held him close, your hands running soothingly over his back, feeling the ridges of the muscles you had just marked with your nails. Your own body still buzzed with the aftermath of your pleasure.
When he finally lifted his head, his eyes met yours, a look of pure adoration in his gaze that left you speechless. He leaned down, capturing your lips in a tender, lingering kiss.
He cradled your face in his hands. "We’re gonna be okay," his breath felt warm against your lips.
The sincerity in his voice made your chest tighten with emotion.
Tears welled up in your eyes as his lips touched yours again, the faint tender kiss so different to the man you used to know. You tried to hold back, to keep the overwhelming tide at bay, but you broke, and a sob escaped your lips.
He pulled back slightly, concern etched across his pretty features. "Hey," he murmured, his thumb brushing away the tears that spilled down your cheeks. "What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?"
You shook your head, "No, it’s not that," your voice trembled, “I’m scared.”
Rafe's expression softened, thumbs gently caressing your cheeks. "Shh, it's okay," he soothed, "Let it out, baby. I’m right here."
You buried your face in his chest, your tears soaking into his skin. The warmth of his embrace, the rhythm of his heartbeat, and his hold were the only thing keeping you together at this point and if you weren’t feeling so much, you’d feel pathetic for relying so much on someone else.
He held you tightly, his hand stroking your hair as you cried, releasing the pent-up anxiety.
"We—I, I don’t know what I’m doing," you admitted through your tears, your voice muffled against his chest. "I’m really, really scared.”
Rafe kissed the top of your head, his lips lingering, "I know, Maybank," he whispered,"I’m scared too.”
You pulled back slightly, looking up at him through tear-filled eyes. "You are?"
He nodded, his attention never wavering from features.
"Yeah, I am. This...And—don’t know what I’m doing either. But I want it. I want you."
“But it’s wrong.”
“I know, pretty.”
He pulled out slowly, both of you hissing at the sensitivity. Rolling onto his side, he gathered you into his arms, holding you close. You nestled against his chest.
“I’m sorry for jumping out the window,” you murmured, your voice muffled against his skin, “You just...make me so angry.”
He chuckled softly, his fingers running through your hair in soothing strokes. "I shouldn’t have locked you in.”
You closed your eyes, feeling the last of your tears dry against his skin. You knew things wouldn’t be easy, but his reassurance gave you a little strength.
After a while, Rafe shifted slightly, tilting your chin up to meet his gaze. 
"We’ll figure this out, Maybank.”
“Promise?”
He hesitated, his brow furrowing slightly.
Promises weren’t something he was used to making, you knew that. But then he nodded.
“Promise.”
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animentality · 2 months ago
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I know x reader fans have always existed, and I don't generally mind them.
however I feel like the way they've overtaken fandom analysis/ shipping culture is an indication of the general decline of fandom communities.
they are normies, guys. I'm sorry.
it's not a slur, it's just a fact.
normies infiltrated fandom spaces because of covid.
they come in and just want to thirst after a particular character... and that's like. fine. of course it's fine it's always happened.
but they don't seem to actually care about the character being in character. nor does it really require any analysis of that character's motivations or story, or their relationship with others.
I know not everything HAS to relate to canon. like duh, we are here to make our own canon.
but come the fuck on. I go into a tag and it has a character tagged being some dommy daddy when that character is nothing like that in canon... and there's this line between making a character act a certain way bc that's your fetish, and completely ignoring who that character is entirely to the point where you could just replace their name with anyone else in any other show, and it wouldn't make a difference?
like that's... normie shit. it's people who do not think deeply or passionately about that media, it's just them having this surface level grasp of the physical attractiveness of the character.
and again. I'm not saying these people are stupid or whatever, just that the overabundance of this watered down ass content is an indicator of how much fandom has changed.
fans are not the socially awkward introverted queer voyeurs anymore, who enjoy fantasies and daydreaming about being someone else because of this disconnect with the self, or this fear of others that leads you to seek human connection in fiction.
they're the people who do just fine with other people ... and I'm not gatekeeping fandom from people who aren't socially awkward or anything.
but they come here, and they do shit like say you can't like this ship bc it's morally wrong .. you're not allowed to thirst after an 18 year old that makes you a pedophile... I'm 15 and I'm allowed to lust for Gojo but you a 25 year old woman, aren't allowed to write itafushi fanfiction.
go back to taxes and your job!!!
like that drives me fucking insane. these people want to insist they're not normies but they then go around insisting that being over 20 means you need to Work and Be a Normal Adult... bitch.
adults make fandoms. not you fucking children. you don't know how to build communities, you barely know how to make friends.
attacking people who like the same thing you do? is that what you think community building is?
oh this poor generation. anyway.
they come here and are disgusted by weird fetishes and obsessions. and by people sharing sexual headcanons or ideas about sexuality that make them uncomfortable because they've never ever been counter culture, they've never felt the need to go against the status quo.
they're cis straight girls/women mostly, whose mothers basically fuel the ya spicy romance booktok industry.
they're just younger and think it's trendier to be "in a fandom" than a fucking book club.
they're modern day bodice ripper fans... which again
would be so fucking fine, if they weren't doing the youth version of karening the fuck out.
and flooding the fandom with both hyper criticism of how you conduct your business AND an aggressive market for just imagining yourself with a character.
like fandom was originally just hyper passionate freaks.
they discussed movies and TV shows like life and death. they were fucking nuts but in the way where they needed to seek one another out, to share in this joyous sensation of being a freak obsessed with something beyond the point of reason.
now?
now it's like ... oh.
Sally from Bio thinks your love of Gaara is super creepy when you're 19. like what, are you a pedophile? why are you imagining him getting married to Naruto? are you a fucking pedophile who gets off to teens making out? they need to check your hard drive!!
like ok Sally.
ok.
I just think x reader is such a strong indicator of what kind of fan you are.
and if a fandom is mostly x reader... then it can't be that popular. it can't be a proper community.
how can it be?
it's as watered down and generic and bland as a marvel movie. it's stripped down of anything unique. it is pruned of controversy and humanity.
you are literally stripping yourself down into a non character.
you're not truly projecting yourself into a character, because the you that you read about is nothing. a placeholder. you are a passive observing robot who exists only in the form of a faceless and personality less entity.
and I don't get it.
what's the point then?
isn't fiction about realizing something about yourself or others
if your only manner of engaging is stripping yourself of personality... is it engagement at all?
or is it just more mindless consumption?
just watch law and order, man.
watch the good doctor or some shit on lifetime.
there's shows with passionate fanbases who theory craft and endlessly obsess with relationships and world building, and then there's shows with x reader only content and you know exactly why now.
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thyfleshc0nsumed · 4 months ago
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I agree with you about your stances on punishment, and I think it's so important to see that perspective instead of the more common one. I do not want to live in a world with the death penalty or prison.
But I'm very curious how you got to the point where you want your abuser to be happy. Capital H happy. I've never seen that before. I think it's great, and it must've taken a lot of time, and if it's not too personal, I'd like to hear about the process. If not to help myself, to help someone else. I'm personally very very jaded to the whole "forgiveness" mentality (it seems very catholic to me somehow? I forgive you so I'm better than you?) But the way you put it feels different somehow. Sorry for picking your brain, and if it's too personal I totally get it. Thanks for your time.
Thank you for this question.
Hm, it's a tough one. It may be informed by my lack of any singular capital-A Abuser. Certainly, I have had people who were abusive to me longer term (my mother especially), but for the most part it was many dozens of adults in single instances or shorter term situations during my childhood and teenage years that raped or otherwise harmed me. That lack of any singular individual to act as a locus for all the damage may have made it easier for me to come to a point where I wish them well.
I remember being 19, face in my toilet bowl, puking my guts up after downing a fifth of rum in an hour or two. I think it was a Thursday. I understood my mother for the first time. I wanted to stop drinking, and I didn't know why I couldn't.
My roommate at the time slept on a mattress on the floor in the living room. He left his family the day he turned 18 and took the Greyhound across the country to crash with me. We were good friends when he got here, but my negligence and failure to control my drug use ruined that relationship within a few months. He stayed with me for two years. He didn't have other options.
I don't remember those years well at all. Besides various temp jobs, all I did was drink, get fucked up, and make messes I never cleaned up. It was a one bedroom apartment and I had the bedroom, he couldn't really go anywhere. He didn't really know anyone. I was a fucking terror to live with, and a terror he couldn't even really get away from.
And I didn't mean to be that way. I didn't mean to hurt him with my dereliction. But it doesn't matter, y'know, impact is more important than intent. I fucked up bad.
Eventually he left. I was and still am filled with remorse for putting him through what I did. Maybe this perspective is the christian upbringing, maybe it's twelve step bullshit, but often I see my feelings as very self serving. I can justify just about anything, as long as I use enough self pity. But this feeling was different. It was just... remorse, pure and unfiltered. No rationalizations as to how it wasn't really my fault, no equivocations, no blaming outside factors, just acknowledgement that I fucked up and I hurt someone I loved. I was sorry that I had done that.
Humility does not come naturally to me. This was a humbling experience.
I--and everyone I've ever met, everyone who ever harmed me--am a human being. No more, no less. In each of us is potential both to love deeply and to do great harm to others. No one is without both these potentials.
It comes down to this: what I wish for myself, I must wish for all.
Do not mistake me here--this does not neatly translate into a pragmatic political position. For me, this is simply some sort of spirituality, that is to say, how I strive to navigate my life, day at a time, in the world as I find it. This is as small scale as it can get.
I understand that feeling about forgiveness you mention. What I have to say about it probably won't help the christian connotation; I am an atheist and a subjectivist, though obviously culturally evangelical. Maybe it is that last part that influences this next, but I don't feel I have the authority to forgive anyone. Or, in another word, 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone.'
Now, of course, I believe in neither god nor sin, but I do believe in harm. 'Let he who is not capable of such harm cast the first stone,' perhaps. Not all harm is equivalent, certainly, but no one is innately capable or incapable of greater harm than others. The ability to actually do harm is relative to relations to power, no doubt, but a given power relation is not innate.
So yeah I end up back at 'i have no moral high ground over or under anyone else, the forgiveness is neither mine to give nor withhold,' which frankly is a rather christian viewpoint.
There's this idea in Judaism that has stuck with me for the last few years: tikkun olam. To repair the world. What must I do to ensure my part in that repair happens?
There is so little I have control of. The only thing I can change is what I do. If the world around me is hardened and cruel, why must I adopt that cruelty into myself? Will it get me better outcomes in life? Perhaps, perhaps not. I have found it hasn't, but others may find it has. But that's talking about results. And I don't have power over results.
I cannot change the world, cannot repair it alone. But I think I can work to repair myself, and in the process, the smallest portion of the world may be repaired alongside me. Maybe, maybe not. It becomes a matter of faith. Or to put it in a therapeutic framing, it's an 'even if.'
I'll end with this, an old twelve step saying: "resentments are like drinking a bottle of poison and expecting the other person to die."
What is a resentment? Re- as in once more. -sent, as in sentiment. Feeling something once more. It is the reanimated corpse of a feeling, not the feeling itself. It looks like the feeling you know, maybe walks and talks like it too. But it's rotting away. It died long ago. So why should you pretend the corpse is alive? It moves, it rasps, but it's something else now; it only shares a body with the original, nothing else. So maybe it's time to let go, and begin to move forward.
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rootspiral · 4 months ago
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Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 5 part 5
(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])
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jen just shakes her head, bitter and not in the least surprised at what agatha did
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meanwhile agatha is... she's just devastated
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billy is the only person in the room who has never experienced and still doesn't comprehend the finality of death
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agatha runs, she can't do anything else. rio is the only one that cares.
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she looks so pathetic in that getup. her behaving like a little girl is not so funny anymore, is it?
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as always, rio watches her. she has a lot to think about after this trial.
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but alice needs her undivided attention now. lady death has to clock in.
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I'm glad that we keep focusing on agatha's reaction. she used to be able to kill people and shake it off (or at least pretend to). she cannot shake alice off
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and it was all for a tiny spark of magic. that is all that's left of alice on the mortal plane
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when billy confronts her she visibly recoils and shrinks in on herself, like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar
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one hand on her own heart, one on billy's heart. like she's begging and willing him to understand
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it's not: you lied. it's you lied to me. it's personal. it's the trust he had in a mentor and mother figure, irrevocably broken
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agatha never lies to billy. she's shitty with him in many other ways, but she doesn't lie
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billy, honey. you set out on a road trip with a literal serial killer.
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agatha had this mad fantasy of billy and her becoming a family, a coven two. and of course she went and ruined it. she always does
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jen has all her walls firmly up, she won't allow herself to grieve for alice. she's still on the verge of walking a dark path, and agatha is the one pushing and pushing her toward it
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lilia, who has lost and grieved so many, is just numb with pain. Death is unstoppable. hey guys, remember the first three episodes? when everything seemed so fun and carefree?
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to billy witches were spellbooks and broomsticks and hot topic eyeliner. how do you explain to a kid the ugliness and violence and trauma that will inevitably fester in a marginalized, repressed community?
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from the mouth of a child. she might have killed alice by accident. she has been deliberately and systematically killing many more to serve her own agenda.
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and what agatha does, when confronted with ugly truths? she runs, and if she can't run, she goes all in with the spectacle and the cruelty
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she could have picked any moment to talk about wanda. she could have broken the news gently, eased billy into understanding what he's been doing. now she's just lashing out in anger and fear and pain. billy did just put her through hell, but she's still the only adult of the two, no matter how immature she wishes to act
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when push comes to shove, when it all becomes too much, agatha will latch to her self-preservation instincts and choose to protect herself over anyone else, even the people she loves. She's doing it with billy, she's doing it with rio. I'd argue that she did it with nicky, too.
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hey, hey agatha, remember what happened the last time you poked a chaos witch with a stick? you dumb idiot.
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fucking around meets finding out etc etc etc etc
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boy is she SCREAMING. this bitch will never go down quietly, she'll snivel and cry like the sad pathetic creature she is
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and the parallels and the irony of billy hurting jen and lilia in his grief.
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do you guys laugh too when bille ellish pops in?? I love how agatha later says that billy is dramatic because he's a maximoff. honey, wanda was only ever coming up with cute sitcom scenarios. this is all your doing, you and your dramatic ass. this is your son. drama queen and drama queen in training.
go to episode 6 part 1
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genericpuff · 7 months ago
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The excessively passive voice when talking about Minthe being intended to have BPD is hilarious. "It was thought to have her written with BPD"? So weird
Honestly, once you start noticing this passive voice in how Rachel writes and talks, it's kind of hard to unsee.
Like, for starters, the BPD example. It's very non-committal, almost as if to sound like she never actually wrote her with BPD, it was just an 'idea' that she could neither confirm or deny as canon. But then you read the episode with the slap and-
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It's- it's literally called "Splitting". It's about as subtle as a brick to the face. This entire episode showcases Minthe having an actual literal episode of splitting and it's plain as day to anyone who can read the title card and put two and two together. So for the wording to be so passive around her characterization... it wasn't "thought" to have her written with BPD, she was written with BPD.
Another example that sticks out in my mind of Rachel's passive writing is far later in Season 3, when Demeter reunites with Persephone and naturally expects her to come back home with her.
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This line still fucking bothers me to this day. Besides the fact that it's just really poorly written dialogue, Persephone describes her being in love with Hades as if it's just some coincidental thing that happened to her that she can't avoid and not a deliberate choice she's making. "It would seem" my ass, Persephone is a coward for not being upfront and just talking to her mother like an adult by saying, "Mother, I love you, and I understand why you want me to come home, but I'm in love with Hades and want to stay in the Underworld with him." Instead the way it's worded is almost designed to absolve Persephone of any and all agency in her own decisions and active participation in her relationship with Hades by instead making it out to be just some circumstance that she can't get herself out of.
Again, this isn't quite as egregious as the aforementioned BPD scene, but it's still irritating because Rachel writes like this a lot throughout LO. And it's not just the dialogue either, entire decisions throughout the comic are flip-flopped and kept vague by Rachel so she can give herself plausible deniability over the narrative. I could come up with some of my own examples, but I think she managed to speak for herself just fine in the end-of-series Q&A that left both critics and fans of the series massively confused and disappointed:
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LO is full of half-committed plotlines because Rachel herself can't commit to her own decisions. So the decisions she does make are left vague enough that hardcore fans are willing enough to fill in the blanks themselves, but anyone who asks her genuinely what her plan was, she just gives the same wordy "IDK it's up to your interpretation!" response. It's like she thinks people are asking her as just another reader who can only speculate, but she's literally the author, so why is she acting like her guess is as good as theirs?
Well, because that's how she wrote LO. That's how she's always written comics, with vague half-finished thoughts and just enough for readers to do the mental gymnastics of making sense of it all just to give her the credit for "smart writing" that she never actually did because she stopped paying attention after the first sentence. And that method of being vague for the sake of audience interpretation is fine for illustrations or anything that isn't trying to be a concise narrative, but LO did try to be that and it really shows how hard it failed in doing so when its own creator can't even come up with something slightly plausible to explain all the questions people had in the end. "There is some backstory there" but proceeds to not actually expand on said backstory. "I like to imply things without outright telling people", so do I, but the difference is that Rachel is using that as a crutch to not answer the questions she setup for her readers and then didn't resolve after five years. There's not wanting to spoon feed people the plot, and then there's literally refusing to explain your decisions when writing said plot, almost because you don't know any more than they do.
The entirety of LO is rooted in Rachel's passiveness, from her inability to answer questions concisely to every little plot point that was established and dropped throughout the comic's run. Writing a story is a series of decisions, deciding what to keep, deciding what not to keep, deciding what has to be changed, etc. and Rachel just... doesn't seem like someone who's ever been capable of making those decisions, especially when she's writing an actual long form story to the end and doesn't have the luxury of dropping it whenever it feels convenient for her like she did several times with The Doctor Pepper Show. Once she was actually held to a standard, once she was actually signed into a contract that expected her to make those decisions, she failed to and it culminated in one of the messiest conclusions to a story I've seen since Game of Thrones.
LO is kind of like Schrodinger's Cat - a plot point can be or not be whatever it needs to be so that Rachel can be either praised for smart writing she never did or absolved of bad writing that she did do. It's equally parts interesting and vague enough that whatever her readers give her credit for writing, she can give them a thumbs-up and go "you're totally right, champ!" and proceed to take all the credit of being a "good writer" from the efforts of her own audience who had to jump through a million hoops to make sense of her own messy writing.
But when she's put on the spot by those very same readers to answer for her own decisions, she can't.
Because she never made them.
Because there was never anything "deeper" going on, that's just what her style of "distraction writing" made you believe. The plot never lets you stop to think about what you just read long enough before zipping away to the next thing and distracting you with a new twist or a new character or a new plot point, and before you know it, you've gone weeks without reading about the last thing that was established you probably haven't even realized that those questions never got answered. Sometimes Rachel remembers to get back to those things and resolves them within a handful of panels, other times she forgets them entirely and just leaves them to rot in the hopes that no one ever calls her out on it. And when they do... she can just pull the get-out-of-jail-free "Welp, it's up to your interpretation!" card and get that credit all over again for being deep and insightful, meanwhile those who are rightfully dissatisfied with that answer are blanket-accused of "getting mad at Rachel for not writing the story they wanted".
To close out this ask that, per tradition, turned into an essay, I'd like to recall the famous words of fictional detective Benoit Blanc: "Look into the clear center of this glass onion... Miles Bron is an idiot!"
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lovetaroandtaemin · 5 months ago
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Kinktober 2024
Day 26: Corruption
Mark Lee x Reader Word Count: 2,905 THIS FIC IS NSFW, MINORS DNI!!! Warnings: Religious themes, church boy!Mark x pastor's daughter!reader, kind of soft dom!reader, mentions of masturbation, loss of virginity, mentions of alcohol (reader and Mark are SOBER when they have sex!), semi-public sex (they're technically in public but no one is around to see), sex in the bed of a pickup truck. If you think I missed a warning, let me know! A/N: If you want to be tagged for the last few Kinktober fics, feel free to send an ask, send a dm, or leave a comment! I'm honestly starting to get a little bit bummed that Kinktober is almost over. This has been such a fun ride, and it always makes me so happy to see y'all interact with my stories. I also wanted to say that certain plot elements as well as Reader's personality/family life are heavily inspired by the song "Baptist Parking Lot" by Mary Heather Hickman. If you're a country music fan, I highly recommend checking it out!
Taglist: @unlikelysublimekryptonite
Fic is under the cut.
When Mark Lee approached you and asked you if you wanted to go on a date with him, you knew that your parents were behind it. They had been a lot pushier than usual when it came to your relationships lately, considering you were in your mid-twenties and not even dating. Plus, your mother and father were good friends with Mr. and Mrs. Lee, and had been since you were a kid, so in their mind Mark was the best possible choice when it came to men that they could set you up with.
You had never been close with Mark, but your parents and his were determined to change that. Mark was the kind of good Christian man that they felt was perfect for the daughter of a minister. He was kind, he was intelligent, and he loved God. Any time the church held an event he was one of the first to volunteer to help. He knew the Bible better than anyone you knew with the exception of your father. He was also an assistant youth pastor that was passionate about teaching people about the love of God. He even volunteered at an animal shelter, for fuck’s sake.
You, on the other hand, were far less innocent than you let your parents believe. You drank, smoked, went to the club, and hooked up with people you barely knew. Your behavior was far from what was expected of you, but that was probably why you acted the way you did. Growing up as sheltered as you did was suffocating, and now that you were an adult you wanted to do everything that your parents would have killed you for when you were younger. That didn’t mean they had to know, though. What would the congregation say if they knew the pastor’s own daughter acted like the exact opposite of what God expected from women?
You were snapped out of your thoughts by Mark’s voice saying, “Hello? Earth to (Y/N)?”
“Sorry, what was that?”
“Do you want to go get dinner with me this Saturday after I get done at the shelter?”
“That sounds great, Mark. What time do you get done?”
“I get done around 5, and I’ll need time to get ready. How does 6:15 sound?”
“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”
“See you then, (Y/N).”
When you said yes to a date, Mark was ecstatic. Sure, he had been encouraged to ask you out by your parents, but he had liked you for a long time. You were intelligent, you were funny, and you always spoke your mind. It was sinful, and he knew it, but he honestly thought that you were sexy too. The thoughts never lingered, more passing interest when you wore clothes that showed off your body, but they were there, nonetheless.
Saturday came, and you almost backed out of your date with Mark. The main reason you didn’t was the fact that you knew you’d never hear the end of it if you did. Truthfully, though, you would have preferred going to the club with your friends or getting drunk in the back of your current hookup’s truck. You had an image to maintain, however, so you went.
Contrary to what you were expecting, you had a lot of fun with Mark. He took you to a sort-of fancy restaurant out of town, and you talked about your lives and interests while you ate. You found that the two of you had more in common than you initially thought, like a love for older music and weird movies that no one else has ever heard of. He even made you swear not to tell anyone that he wanted to try going out to a club. In a lapse of judgement, you said, “I could take you out to my favorite one, if you want.”
The moment the words left your mouth, you regretted them. The regret turned to excitement, however, when Mark said “Ok. Do you wanna do that after we’re done here?”
“Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn’t want to keep you.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I think it’d be fun to try something new.”
His innocent excitement killed you. When he asked you if you thought that they would have Coca-Cola at the bar, you wondered if he could get any cuter. As the two of you finished your meal, you asked again if he was sure about going to the club. He said yes, and you told him you would give him directions when you got in the car.
When Mark walked you to his car, he held your hand. It was a small gesture, but you found yourself getting flustered. He opened the car door for you, and your heart did a somersault. It almost made you wonder why you bothered with hooking up with random guys when somebody that you knew could be good to you was there the entire time.
The drive to the club was silent with the exception of you giving Mark directions. You both wanted to start a conversation, but for some reason you couldn’t find where you wanted to start. It was frustrating to be at a loss for words, but you couldn’t complain. Especially when Mark looked as good as he did in the driver’s seat. You almost felt wrong saying it about someone so sweet, but he looked hot when he focused on driving. As you pulled up to the club, you wondered if you would ever get a chance to show him how sexy you were starting to think he was. You knew that he was a good Christian, so you probably wouldn’t get a chance any time soon, but you wondered if you could move that timeline up a bit.
Your time at the club was uneventful. Mark refused to drink alcohol, was shy about dancing with you, and cast judgmental looks at everyone that left with a different person than they’d arrived with. You tried to gently encourage him to lighten up and let loose a little bit, but in the end he just asked to go back home.
He drove you back to your apartment, and you thanked him for the date. He insisted on walking you to your door, but you wouldn’t have turned him down anyway. When the two of you got to your door, he shyly asked if he could kiss you. You agreed, and he hesitantly brought his lips to yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck and gently tangled your hands in his hair, and he loosened up ever so slightly. At least, it seemed like he did from the small moan that left his mouth.
He abruptly pulled away and apologized, and you gave him a reassuring smile and told him that it was ok. He left quickly and hoped that you didn’t notice the grin on his face or the boner beginning to form in his pants. Of course, you did, and you wondered if your goal of getting Mark to loosen up was closer than you thought.
The next day, your parents asked you how the date with Mark went. You told them that it went well, and to your surprise, you weren’t lying. You had fun with Mark, and you wanted to see him again. Sure, part of the reason you wanted to see him again was to see if you could teach him how to actually have fun, but your parents didn’t need to know that. They were thrilled that you seemed interested in who they believed was the right kind of man for you.
Over the next few weeks, you went out for dinner with Mark every weekend. Not much changed, but you did flirt with him much more openly than you initially wanted to as you started to develop genuine feelings for him. He became a blushy mess every time you told him how pretty his eyes were, or how well the clothes he was wearing fit him.
Mark refused to admit it, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to keep a level head when you flirted with him or kissed him. He didn’t want to sin, but he did occasionally find himself wanting to do more than kiss you or compliment the dresses you wore for your dates that drove him insane. You were usually dressed a very specific way when he saw you at church, but the way you dressed when you were out of your parents’ view was decidedly different. Not that he was complaining, of course. He thought that you looked sexy. Little did he know, that was exactly what you were going for.
The first time your attempt to get Mark to let loose was successful was after a few months of dating. The two of you were at his apartment after an afternoon spent volunteering, and he kissed you. You were determined to not push him today, and you kept to that. Mark, however, had other plans. The way he kissed you felt different than usual. Typically, his kisses were soft, almost like he was afraid of going too far. This time, those concerns seemed to go out the window as he held you close.
To say that you were desperate was an understatement. You hadn’t had sex with anyone else since you started dating Mark, and you were starting to get frustrated. You had tried getting off by yourself, but it just wasn’t the same as fucking another person. It was getting more and more difficult to not think about Mark on top of you as you kissed him.
Mark was just as desperate as you were, if not more. He had never had sex before. Partially because of the stupid purity promise he made in church as a teenager, and partially because he had never met anyone that he was comfortable being so intimate with. That was, until you came along. It felt like you were ruining him, in a way. Before you started dating, he would have never considered having someone sit on his lap while making out. Now, that was exactly what the two of you were doing.
Time passed, and you had to leave. It was important for you to get enough sleep in order to not look like a complete wreck at church on Sunday. As you left, though, Mark asked you if you would be willing to try something new next time. You asked him what it was, and he said, “I want you to take my virginity.” You were shocked, but you agreed. The two of you decided to discuss exactly when at a later date, and you went back to your apartment.
Church went by the next morning without any major news or events, except for one thing. Mark was uncharacteristically awkward and shy around you. Since you had started dating, he had made a point to sit next to you, sometimes holding your hand during your father’s sermons. Today, however, he sat on the opposite side of the sanctuary from you, not even looking you in the eye when you greeted him upon arriving. You decided to ask him about his behavior after service.
When you finally found Mark, you asked him if he wanted to come back to your apartment. He reluctantly agreed, and you left. He followed in his truck, and when he entered your apartment, you asked him why he was so distant at church.
He sighed before answering, “I’m sorry about what I asked of you last night. It was too far, and I understand if you want to break things off or slow things down.”
“Baby, it’s ok. Any reaction that you saw last night was surprise. As long as it’s something you really want, I don’t mind at all. As long as you don’t mind the fact that I’m not a virgin.”
“I don’t mind at all. I love you. Thank you for being so patient with me.”
“I love you, too.”
The two of you spent the afternoon discussing when you would take Mark’s virginity. Your previous sexual encounters had never been planned in advance, but you wanted Mark to feel more at ease about his first time. In the end, the two of you decided to drive to an abandoned parking lot a few towns over, so no one would know what the two of you were skipping Bible study on Wednesday to do. You even came up with a lie about being invited by a friend to visit another church that you could tell your parents to explain your absence.
The idea of skipping church to lose his virginity should have disgusted Mark, but in actuality, it thrilled him. Maybe you had been a worse influence than he thought. He didn’t really care about that, though. All he knew was that he loved and trusted you, and he wanted to show you just how much he loved and trusted you.
When the day finally came, the two of you were filled with excitement. You went about most of your day as usual, but after you got done work, you drove to the abandoned parking lot that you’d told Mark about. He did the same, and the two of you settled into the bed of his truck. Bless him, he’d even covered it with blankets and pillows to make you more comfortable.
When Mark kissed you, you couldn’t help but tangle your hands in his hair. He groaned at the sensation, and it made you want him. To be fair, you always wanted him, but in the moment, he was all you could think about. If the way he kissed you was any indication, he needed you just as badly.
After a few minutes, you pulled away and started kissing Mark’s neck. He moaned again, and you only got more desperate for him. It wasn’t long before you couldn’t take it anymore, so you lifted your head and asked Mark if he still wanted to go further. He seemed nervous, but his excitement as he said yes made you feel better about the situation. He shyly explained that he didn’t really know what he was doing, and you promised to help him the entire time.
You started by unbuttoning his jeans and pulling his boxers down. Then you lifted your dress and removed your own underwear. After that, you settled into a comfortable position and instructed him to climb on top of you. He did exactly as he was told, and you helped him guide his cock into your pussy for the first time.
The moan that fell from Mark’s lips as he felt you for the first time was heavenly. You desperately wanted to hear more, but you still told him to wait before he moved so both of you could adjust. Again, he did exactly as you asked. It was honestly kind of adorable how eager he was to please you.
Once you were ready, you gently instructed Mark to move. He started to slowly thrust in and out trying to avoid overwhelming himself right away. He loved you, and he wanted to make this last. You couldn’t help but want the same, slightly overwhelmed already by the amount of love and care he was showing you. It may have been frustrating to wait so long to have sex with Mark, but the wait was worth it. This was infinitely better than the cheap hookups you’d had before.
After a few minutes, Mark started to thrust slightly faster. When he saw the way your tits bounced, it was difficult for him to control himself. Still, he kept a steady pace as he fucked into you. Sex with you was the most pleasure that he’d ever felt. Sure, he had jerked off a handful of times, though he was embarrassed to admit to that, but his hand could never compare to you.
It didn’t take long for Mark to feel an orgasm approaching, though he tried as hard as he could to last. He slowed down slightly once he felt it, but that did the opposite of what he wanted. Rather than putting off his orgasm, it only brought him closer to the brink. He hurriedly warned you that he was close and asked you what to do now. You said, “Cum inside me, baby. It’s ok.”
As soon as the words left your mouth, Mark stilled inside you, moaning your name as he rode out his orgasm. Feeling Mark’s release triggered your own, and before you knew it you were clenching around his cock as you cried out in pleasure. He was still after you both came down from your highs, reveling in the closeness of the moment. The position had gotten uncomfortable, however, so you gently asked him to move.
Mark did as he was told, finding a sort-of clean towel in the back of his truck to wipe you and himself off with. You put your clothes back on and helped him to do the same. Then the two of you just held each other, saying nothing but knowing that this wouldn’t be the last time the two of you had sex in his truck when you were supposed to be in church. As he held you close, you couldn’t help but feel proud of the fact that you had helped Mark Lee loosen up and learn to have some fun.
Thank you for reading! If you'd like to see what else I've written so far and the rest of what's planned, you can find my Kinktober masterlist here. If you'd like to read one of my non-Kinktober works, you can find my general masterlist here. If you'd like to see what I'm going to be working on once Kinktober is over, you can find my upcoming works here. If none of that interests you, or there's something specific you'd like to see, send a request via asks or dms!
Thank you again for reading, happy spooky season!
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sweetiebarnes · 1 year ago
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Twisted Pairing: Step Dad!Lloyd Hansen x Step Daughter!Reader
Word Count: 600+
Warnings: stepcest, voyeurism, female masturbation, nudity, implied future anal, minor daddy kink, dubcon/noncon if you squint, reader is early twenties, age gap.
Request: Lloyd Hansen, Step Dad, “What’s the matter? You’re acting like you’ve never seen a naked man before.”, and anal. Requested by: anonymous
A/N: I'm sorry I've been so slow with writing these. January has proven to be much more difficult than I had anticipated. I promise the stories are coming, and I am looking forward to doing your requests. This isn't my best work, but I still had fun writing it. It has not been beta read, so any mistakes are my own. As always my work is intended for adult audiences so 18+ only! Minors DNI. Pay attention to all tags and warnings. You are responsible for your own media consumption.
Writing Event Masterlist (still in the works)
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From the first time Lloyd saw you he knew he needed to have you. That’s the thing about Lloyd Hansen, he always gets what he wants. He’d only married your mother because of the connections she provided. With her he’d be able to spread his business out throughout the country. What he hadn’t expected was the delicious present she had been hiding. 
Tonight your mother was out with friends from college. Lloyd knew this was the perfect opportunity to get what he’d been craving. You. He could picture you up in your bedroom reading one of your countless books. It was cute how you always seemed to find ways to avoid him. Whether you wanted to admit it or not, he knew you felt something too. There was a magnetic pull between the two of you, and tonight would be the night he finally gets what he’s needed.
Lloyd makes his way up the stairs and stops outside your bedroom door. He’d expected to hear nothing, but instead he could hear what sounded like quiet whimpers. His eyes flutter shut as he leans in closer hoping to be able to hear you better. “Oh… Oh fuck, Lloyd.” There was no denying what he heard that time. You were in there touching what belonged to him. Without giving it a second thought, Lloyd quickly began to undress himself. This hadn’t been how he planned to do this, but when the opportunity presents itself how could he say no?
Once undressed, Lloyd opens your door. It takes you a moment to realize he’s standing there, and boy was he thankful for that. For that meant he was able to get a full spread eagle view of your soaked cunt. He watched as your finger meticulously rubbed your clit. The little moans that left your mouth were like music to his ears. It was when he let out a small grunt of approval that your eyes finally opened. 
The look of embarrassment washed over your face. But that look quickly turned into confusion and horror when you spotted that he was naked. Your eyes traveled down to his hard cock which was now between his large hand. Lloyd’s smirk grew when he saw that your eyes appeared to be glued on him. “What’s the matter? You’re acting like you’ve never seen a naked man before.” His eyes never once leave yours as he slowly strides across your bedroom. “Oh come on, sunshine. We both know what you were just doing — who you were thinking about. Come on, be a good girl, show me.” 
The more he talked, the more your body seemed to tremble from nerves. “I - I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lloyd.” He rolls his eyes at your attempt to play dumb. He wasn’t going to allow you to continue your charade of being so called innocent. “You really want to play that game? Fine, show me. Prove to me that you’re not soaked right now. Because you and I both know that your little pussy is dripping for me. Dripping for your step-daddy.” His words cause a small to leave your lips.
Maybe just this once you can give into your desires. Maybe just this once you can be bad. 
Lloyd could hear a semblance of a plea when he watched you lay back on your bed. Your legs spread wide, inviting him to come give you both what you need. But Lloyd lets out a small tut and shakes his head. “Sorry, sunshine. That pussy isn’t what I’m interested in right now. I’d rather fuck your untouched hole. Turn around now.”
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queenshelby · 7 months ago
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Daughter Dearest (Part Three)
Pairing: Cillian Murphy (47) x Step! Daughter (21)
Warning: Infidelity, Smut, Dysfunctional Family
The next day, Cillian went to see his counsellor, the same woman he had been seeing every fortnight for the past two years, which is also when he had started marriage counselling with your mother. 
Enduring three years of loveless marriage had, of course, taken its toll on him, but now he had a different problem all together as, within a span of just seven days, he became somewhat  infatuated with you.
"Cillian," greeted the counsellor, opening the door to her office, and gesturing him inside.
"Niamh," Cillian greeted, as he walked past her and into the room, taking a seat on the worn brown leather couch, facing the armchair where the counsellor sat.
Niamh was a small, bird-like woman, with blonde hair perpetually pulled back into a messy bun and wire-framed glasses perched precariously on the edge of her nose. She was in her sixties and had a kind, open face that put people at ease, and Cillian had always found her to be a source of support and guidance, especially during difficult times in his life.
"How are you doing today, Cillian?" Niamh asked, setting down her pen and notebook.
He sighed heavily, rubbing his hands over his tired eyes.
"Okay, I think," he began, before diving straight in. "But, to be honest, Niamh, I'm just... confused and I need some fucking guidance," Cillian  said, his voice heavy with frustration and uncertainty.
"I see," Niamh said, nodding sympathetically. "Is it about what we discussed in our last session? Because, as I said before, at your age, not wanting to be intimate can be quite normal," Niamh said gently, referring to the fact that Cillian had lost his interest intimacy about three years ago when his marriage had become more than just slightly troubled.
He sighed deeply, rubbing his hands over his tired face. "No, actually, it's not about that," he admitted, meeting Niamh's eyes. "It's about something else.”
Niamh raised an eyebrow, but remained silent, signaling for him to continue.
"It's my stepdaughter," he confessed, "I have some sort of feelings for her. Strong ones, Niamh. I didn't see it coming. It happened suddenly, and now, I don't know what to do about it," he explained and Niamh leaned forward in her chair, her gentle eyes meeting his.
"Go on," she asked quietly, her tone supporting and understanding.
"I am attracted to her, not just platonically or paternally. I want her sexually and I feel guilty about it. I have never felt this way about anyone while I have been married, you know, but now, every time I see her, I am overwhelmed by a need to -" Cillian broke off, rubbing his forehead in frustration.
"It's okay, take your time," Niamh said gently, her words an invitation for him to continue when he was ready.
"Thank you," Cillian murmured, taking a deep breath. "It's just that, she's my stepdaughter and I know it's fucking wrong,"  he said, rubbing his hand over his face again.
"I assume that she is, uhm, your adult stepdaughter? Cliona? The one that has been living with you for a while?" Niamh asked after running through her notes, seeing that you had never been mentioned in these sessions before. 
"Cliona?" Cillian gasped. "No, it's her twin sister, Y/N. She moved in with us a few days ago," he replied, his voice filled with a sense of urgency.
"I see, and you are finding yourself attracted to her?" Niamh inquired, jotting down his response.
"Yes and it's making things really complicated. I haven't made a move. But when I am around her, I can't help but feel...enticed, and it's consuming me," Cillian admitted, his eyes lost in thought.
A moment of silence passed between them before Niamh spoke, "It's important to remember that feeling attraction to another person is not a crime, but acting on them in this situation can be problematic and harmful," she said gently.
Cillian nodded, taking that in. "I know, and I don't want to hurt her or my wife for that matter," he said, sighing deeply.
"Good. That's a healthy perspective," Niamh replied, nodding encouragingly.  "Now, let's explore this attraction you feel. What is it exactly about her that draws you in?"
Cillian sat up straighter, his gaze lost in thought as he tried to simply her feelings into words. "It's her intelligence and creativity I suppose. Her curiosity about the world is so captivating to watch," he explained, carefully choosing his words. "She's bold and there's a spark in her eyes - an unapologetic, fierce beauty - that I find incredibly attractive," Cillian confessed, his voice softening.
Niamh nodded, understanding the depth of his feelings. "It's understandable that you would be drawn to someone with those qualities. But as you already acknowldged, your feelings are complicated and can have serious consequences."
Cillian nodded solemnly, knowing that his feelings could potentially ruin his marriage and hurt his stepdaughter. "What should I do, Niamh? How do I move past this?" he asked desperately.
He was at a loss of what to do, and the guilt was consuming him.
"Firstly, Cillian, I want you to understand that it is completely normal to feel attracted to others, even if they are close to us." Niamh's voice was calm and reassuring, and Cillian felt a small sense of relief wash over him.  "So, it is important to take a step back and examine your feelings. Acknowledge them, process them, but above all, do not act on them until you have had a chance to carefully consider the consequences."
"I understand," Cillian said, nodding his head solemnly. "But how do I move past these feelings? Because I just want them to stop."  He sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead in frustration.
"I am afraid that you may not be able to ever truly move past these feelings," Niamh said gently. "And the only way forward, Cillian, is to address them, acknowledge them, accept them, and manage them."
Cillian took a deep breath, his voice filled with exhaustion. "Manage them, but how?" he asked, unsure of where to start.
"By making a conscious decision to distance yourself from her," Niamh replied, her voice firm but gentle. "Even in your own house, do not engage with her  unless absolutely necessary. Refrain from spending any unnecessary time with her. Focus on nurturing your relationship with your wife and your daughter Sadie."
Cillian nodded slowly, taking in her words. "Alright, I will try and do that ," he said, committing to the plan.
Niamh then leaned back in her chair, her gaze steady on him. "It's important to note that these feelings won't disappear overnight, Cillian. It will take time and hard work to manage them, but it's imperative that you do, for your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of your loved ones."
Cillian took a deep breath, his eyes meeting hers. "I know," he said quietly, feeling more resolved than ever to take control of the situation and do what was best for everyone involved.
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