#i'm not tagging everybody ffs

[conundrumoftime]

no ACTUALLY ship and let ship. no, really. including Haladriel including Celeborn including everyone.

Checking on the Tumblr Haladriel tag this morning like the Troy-arriving-with-pizza gif...

Anyway: I left the following comment on someone's blog about this, and while I don't have any particular wish to fight with that person or reblog them in a way that might encourage anyone else to get into that, I do want to copy my comment here because 'ship and let ship' is something I do feel very, very strongly about:

I'm a Haladriel shipper who's been in this fandom since 2022 (you can see my 20+ Haladriel fics here if you want evidence of that: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eye_of_a_cat/works) and in Tolkien fandom on and off for many years before. I’m one of the shippers who was on the receiving end of a massive anti hate campaign over Haladriel during 2023-4, including repeated vicious suicide-baiting anon hate comments. I’m also a multishipper who talks about Celeborn too and writes fic about him as well. Can I please ask that you consider the old fandom adage of ‘ship and let ship’ on this one? I don’t care whether you like this fictional elf [ETA: Celeborn] or not - we all have different tastes - but when you start going after the shippers as people, calling us “probably antis masquerading as shippers”, telling us to “be honest” that we just hate Sauron x Galadriel (seriously, do you think I and fellow multishippers are writing all these Haladriel fics as some kind of elaborate undercover act?), setting yourself up as some judge of who counts as a Haladriel and who doesn’t - this is just unpleasant for everybody and makes the fandom a toxic, bitter space.  People have different tastes. People approach shipping in different ways. Fandom is a big wide world.  What I always ask people who hate Haladriel to do is mute the tag and live and let live when it comes to other people’s preferences, and don’t go after *people* because you don’t like their ship. Can you please consider doing the same for Celeborn?

I don't want endless discourse about this. I hate ship wars. I have a ton of messy unpleasant stuff happening in my real life right now and fandom - writing, fun, creativity - is such a welcome escape valve for me. I don't care who likes which elf or which ship, but ffs can we please leave each other in peace about it?

I am always happy to talk about any of my ships or the characters I like in more detail - at the drop of a hat in fact! - but for obvious reasons, I don't do this in a ship war context where I feel like someone's expecting me to 'prove' myself or justify why I'm allowed to like something. Because the point is that it doesn't matter why someone else likes something or whether or not you get its appeal - what matters is the ability to get along with each other anyway.

Some of my best fandom friends are people who don't like many of the things I like, and vice versa. One of my dearest fandom friends I've known for over 15 years has some ships that make me recoil in ARGH NO horror. And she doesn't like everything I'm into either! And we still get along fine, as people, because we know it's ships. It's fiction. It's not a referendum on us as people.

I don't care if people like Celeborn or not - he is a made-up elf, he is not real. I don't care if people like Haladriel or not - non-book-canon ships and EtL ships aren't for everyone. But the fans who like these things are real people who should be allowed to do our thing in peace.

[violetmuses]

Don’t Go Screamin’ - R. Reigns (Part 3) 🖤

Fandom: WWE 

Character: Roman Reigns

Love Interest: Female Reader

Part 1

Part 2

@episodes-ff @expert-texpert @persethegawd @adriennegabriella @fearlesschimera @secretlifeoofmarpessa @mytribalnightmare @adoresmiles @blackgurlnhermoods @babybratzmaraj @luvrsluxe 🏷

=====

Blinding wardrobe scoped curves once more when Tiffany Stratton joined your segment in the ring. 

“Your new glove won’t scare anyone.” Tiffany pulled strings before long and mentioned the previous week. Last time, Roman Reigns bestowed this custom-made sleeve for your heel debut. “You still lost the Tag Team Match and let Naomi down.” 

Thousands of people booed against Stratton’s words as cameras reached the expression on your face. 

“That’s funny, Tiffany. Even though I lost one match, how many times have you tried cashing your Money In The Bank Contract?” You smirked, almost pacing back and forth when fans realized that question. 

“Doesn't matter. Your run won’t last long.” Stratton attempted to play games, yet viewers still wouldn’t listen and cheered for you instead.  

“I kicked down the door and no one has stopped me.” You defended everything because there’s no other choice. 

“Don’t act arrogant.” Tiffany kept gossiping. “The glove won’t hand out superpowers like your Sugar Daddy claims.” 

“Bullshit!“ Production caught explicit language when the crowd nearly gasped. Tiffany just disrespected your “chances” with Roman. 

“Stop dreaming. Your time is up!” Stratton echoed manic laughter until you punched her in the face with your dominant hand and sent this place into an outright frenzy. 

“Here we go, ladies and gentlemen! Our Women’s Champion has continued learning from The Bloodline playbook.” Commentators relayed your scuffle against Tiffany. 

“Watch your mouth, Stratton! I'm never leaving this place.” While Tiffany failed to stand right away, you paced once more and glanced down, locking brutal eye contact. 

Once alarms blared over and over again, cheering towered decibels when main spotlights flashed red out of nowhere. 

“Oh my goodness! What's going on?” Announcers questioned so much. 

Arriving without music, Naomi marched down this large-scale ramp wearing scarlet, ready to battle for the first time since losing the Tag Team match. 

“Now what?” Subtitles caught the movement of her lips as Nay leveled Stratton. 

Tiffany stood once more, but not without hearing disappointment from the audience. 

Before Stratton could even talk about anything else, Naomi stepped back just in time. 

Soon enough, you nodded, watching the exact moment where Nay ran up and circled both legs around Tiffany, landing Stratton back down with this signature move. 

“Holy hell!” Commentators scrambled. “Naomi just pulled the Hurricanrana on Tiffany Stratton.”

“She's my friend! Stop playing.” Nay defended you no matter what. 

“Comradery is alive between Naomi and our champion.” Announcers welcomed this duo's return before commercials started. 

*****

Another segment kicked off backstage when members of The Bloodline joined Roman as usual. 

“What are you doing?” Jimmy Uso snuck by one of the couches. 

“Don't take my phone.” Roman nearly scrunched up his face. 

“What's wrong, Uce?” Jimmy smirked. “We played in the same toy box growing up. Let me see.” 

“No.” Roman still declined, but Jim stood and walked closer anyway. 

“Got something to hide, Big Dog?” Jimmy stepped up. 

“I haven't heard that name in a while. We're going there, Jimmy?” Roman arched his brow for a second. 

“Yeah.” Jimmy turned around the room. “Shouldn't keep secrets with us. It's bad enough when you disrespect everybody.”

Just before Roman might trade his phone, you entered this space. 

“Hey, Sis!” Upon realization, Jimmy turned right back around and brightened his smile. “Your promo was great.” 

“Thanks, Jim.” You greeted Jimmy alongside everyone else, but paused after seeing Roman. 

“Let's go, y'all.” Jimmy's twin brother Jey stepped forward this time and directed everyone else out, leaving you alone with Reigns.

_____

“What's going on?” You sat down on the couch when Roman set this chance. 

“I'm proud of you.” Reigns almost grinned for a moment. 

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” Your words accepted his compliment. 

“Of course. Are  you busy next week?” Roman's deep brown eyes faced your path. 

“Not until our next broadcast. Why?” You don't know what to think.  

“My Tribal Chief…” Before Roman could even speak to you once more, Wiseman Paul Heyman shuffled footsteps. 

“Not right now.” One glance from Reigns nearly surprised Heyman. 

“I'm sorry for interrupting, but…” Paul Heyman looked near the hallway. 

“Wiseman…” Roman still warned Paul, gesturing between you and himself. 

“Yes, my Tribal Chief?” Paul almost hesitated back. 

“Please give us a minute. You and I can talk  later…” Roman looked at you, but Paul nodded, leaving as quickly as his arrival. 

____

“What was your question?” You tried to focus again, but Roman's handsome smile illuminated on camera. 

“Would you like to go out for dinner?” Reigns asked. Fans swooned from the walls. 

“Of course.” You grinned. 

“Okay.” His Southern accent turned coy as laughter warmed your heart. “I'll have everything set up. Just be ready next week.”

“Deal.” You leave, ending the segment as Roman nearly blushed. 

*****

Only drafted for “Smackdown” events, you snuck into this parking lot when different programs had stopped airing and waited for Roman's truck to arrive. 

Chrome wheels moved closer and you smiled when the vehicle parked, signaling Roman's arrival.

“Hey.” His smile brightened once more when Roman led your way to the car. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you.” You definitely took another compliment. “Dressed very handsome yourself, Roman.” 

Suited for the evening, his bun topped dark hair once more and that nearly graying beard welcomed this chiseled face all over again. 

“We both clean up, nice, huh?” His chuckle prompted butterflies in your stomach. 

“C'mon.” You almost giggled. “We'll be late. Didn't you tell me about the reservation?”

“Oh, shit! Yes, Ma'am. You're right.” Quickly facing his watch, Roman helped you reach this car and you joined the interior, leaving within minutes. 

*****

No Wiseman. No cousins. No cameras. No drama whatsoever. Joining this private space located within the restaurant, you traded questions back and forth, enjoying time in person. 

“What did Tiffany say again?” Roman squinted, definitely humored about your segment with Tiffany Stratton. 

“Called you my Sugar Daddy.” You almost laughed out over dessert. “I mean, you are one of the richest people here.”

“Was it scripted?” Reigns questioned you just to be sure. 

“Nope.” You grinned about Tiffany’s line. “T dropped that one.”

“That’s good. I like it.” Roman’s voice lowered just a bit more than expected and you both silenced, catching this moment. 

“Sorry…” You tried to salvage composure from within. 

“Don’t apologize.” His tone could shake up the world and Reigns didn’t even yell in character now. “I got the bill.” 

Before you could protest, this server nodded in your direction and Ro slipped this card, almost biting his lip near departure. 

Oh my God. Struck by countless emotions that, you only remember leaving the restaurant and holding hands with this incredible man. 

****

 During the new episode, The Bloodline pulled forward as their signature unit and towered strength. “Ones” continued moving skyward to acknowledge Roman Reigns. Overhead lights always casted blue in all directions. 

Yet in the middle of this introduction, effects powered down out of nowhere and different beams replaced Roman’s entrance. 

When your music hit, cheering erupted as you stepped out. The championship over your shoulder as eye contact trained forward. 

Despite staying in character, Roman couldn’t help watching you. 

Passing each other in the hall just brightened so many days and even sharing dinner wasn’t enough anymore. Regardless of cameras, your attitude might drive him to insanity. 

“Oh my goodness, everyone! What the hell is Our Tribal Chief doing right now?” Commentators jumped. 

Walking towards you, Reigns glanced down and licked his lips, eyeing the gleam of your own championship belt. 

“What’s up?” Subtitles caught your words to Roman. Sizing each other up, your timing played games right back. 

“You're a brat.” His Southern accent dropped. 

“Can’t do anything about it.” You whispered back to him and turned on your heels, marching out to send that quiet message. 

[babsvibes]

I find it baffling how small and quiet the bobburgers fandom is when at the same time Logan gets disproportionate hate/antis/legit haters I mean someone made the effort to draw a hate comic about Logan here (Louise was a weak sad b*lly victim lol iirc) ffs. Worse fandom pretends its a friendly place with no drama its such bullshit

Honestly? Yeah. The main takeaway though is to be louder about the things you love than they are about the things they hate

Every time I call the fandom full of friendly people (and it is) it's more like I'm speaking it into existence. Manifesting, if you will. Or gaslighting I guess. The thing is you have to focus on what you want to see and spread that message instead. I agree, Logan gets a tonnn of hate for a character that's in a whopping eight-ish episodes. Which, okay, I won't argue with how anyone feels. It's what they do with those feelings that matters. And some people choose to make hate art, write spiteful fic, send suicide bait, and post other nasty messages while contributing to NO other part of fandom. Can't fight back against it, I'm only ever going to be painted as the aggressor if I do. But we've got the block button, filters, and the ability to spread joy when we can.

About the bully comic--people removing Louise's agency in order to further a narrative that she's completely powerless when she fights with Logan is going to put me in an early grave like okay can you be misogynistic to female characters and their role in the story somewhere else? She has put the fear of god in that boy, and why would anyone disrespect that? It's so... boring (at the least) to want to white knight Louise when she's capable of so much. But, you know, painting victim stories as annoying could also easily be my own bias too. That's the hard part, all of this is completely subjective to your own experience and perspective.

At the end of the day, I'm begging everybody to show love to what you enjoy. Leave a nice comment on a fic, write a compliment in the tags of someone's art, send a nice ask to a creator you like. I'd rather spend my energy helping real people than get dragged into someone's delusions about fictional people. So all love from here on out, baby

[amoremagnificentbastard]

Rules: Pick a song for each letter of your URL and tag that many people.

You're a sweetheart, @ghouliar0berts. Thanks for the tag.

I've done a similar challenge before, but last time I really tried to pick songs I felt related to Astarion in some way. This time I'll branch out.

My URL has so many letters, which is part of the reason it took me so long to actually complete the challenge. Apologies in advance.

Edit: @lyzelky also tagged me for this! Hi, Lyzel! You're sweet!

A - "Astral Body," Michel Mondrain

M - "Monaco," Jude York

O - "One Thing Leads To Another," The Fixx

R - "Record Player," Daisy the Great and AJR

E - "Everybody Breaks," Ivan & Alyosha

M - "Moment," Yael Naim

A - "Ain't Misbehavin'," Fats Waller

G - "Get Back (ASAP)," Alexandra Stan

N - "Nothing," Bruno Major

I - "I'll Probably Never Be Somebody," Vlad Holiday

F - "Friends," Chase Atlantic

I - "In the Attic," J.M. Lyon

C - "Chamber of Reflection," Mac DeMarco

E - "Echoes," Austin and the Powers

N - "Nothing It Can," Helios

T - "The Mountain Song," Tophouse

B - "Born to Be Alive," Patrick Hernandez

A - "Água de Beber," Quarteto Jobim-Morelenbaum

S - "Sanctuary," Andrew Gialanella

T - "This Year," The Mountain Goats

A - "A House in Nebraska," Ethel Cain

R - "Rockaria! - Live at Wembley Stadium," Electric Light Orchestra

D - "Dance Again," Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull

Now I have to tag 23 people. Hoo boy. I'm trying so hard to avoid double tags, so please excuse me if you've already been tagged for this.

@pinkberrytea @brain-rot-central @astarionfreak @astarionancuntnin @bardic-inspo @locallegume @paulblartlolcop2 @florallychaotic @gilded-glitter @ghostfire @preciouslittle-bhaalbabe @caspercryptid @charmandabear @rainbowslinkyy @raccooncrimes @audacityinblack @nyx-knox @allymcfee @cinnamontails-ff @simon-says-nothing @the-neon-pineapple @brabblesblog @foccaccia

[wyn-n-tonic]

may i ask why you’re blacklisting all the FF content? no hate just genuine curiosity from someone who may not be up to date on if there’s something about it we should be blocking

Hi friend! I'm not blacklisting all the FF content and there's nothing you *should* be blocking. I just don't like one of the actors and I'm sick of seeing his face. I've found his fans have a habit of not tagging him because they think everybody wants to see him and then Pedro fans have a habit of ONLY tagging Pedro when he's in a group picture.

TLDR: I'm just cultivating my online experience.

[justanotherblonde]

it's sasodei week 2024!

i have precisely one thing to contribute, but ffs it's not done yet grr!! maybe we can blame my dog... she demanded i come play with her no less than nine times (i kept track) as i wrote this post (she does this by shouting at me then humping my leg to show me who's boss, sometimes pulling on my sweater sleeve with her sharp li'l teefs, beagles, man, i tell ya...) 🐶

anyway!! here's a TEASER of my Day 3 Band/Rockstar/Idol AU story ahhhhh!!! it's not even titled yet!!!!! i don't even really know what the tags will be! and i haven't had time to make a header image!! 😫

but this i know, oh this i know:

Sasori is first chair cello of the Sunagakure Philharmonic

He has a dirty little secret hobby: listening to metal (among other genres that are definitely not classical)

One of the bands he listens to is called C4

Guess who's the lead singer???

Yes, you guessed it, it's Deidara, singer/song-writer, perhaps much more...

In this AU, everybody lives!! Well... okay fine, Sasori's parents still didn't make it, i'm sorry

But that means two important things: Third Kazekage is alive! And there are a LOT of Uchiha running around.

There's more, a lot more, but you'll have to wait until i steal more minutes and hours from my dog and my work! but i'll give it to ya, come hell or high water! or wildfires, earthquakes, debilitating PM 2.5 ratings, or uh... dare i say... another pandemic??? FEAR NOT!

if you want to wait for the full thing to drop to read, i've left the teaser excerpt below the cut.

a million thanks to @sasodeiweek for hosting this event and encouraging us SasoDei creators to flex our creative muscles! loving all the contributions so far!

and without further ado...

Rehearsal ran circles round Sasori’s ears. The music followed him always, all hours.

Chapter 1

Rehearsal ran circles round Sasori’s ears. The music followed him always, all hours.

The fine, agile fingers of his left hand twitched; his right hand swayed side to side, marking the strokes of his bow. Eyes half-closed, his feet kept time on the pavement as he walked. It was Haydn this week, Cello Concerto No. 1 in C major. A weighty yet familiar responsibility for Sasori, first chair cello of the Sunagakure Philharmonic.

He sighed. Rehearsal had wrapped half an hour ago. He was on his way home, and tomorrow was a rest day. He didn’t need to torture himself like this. 

The headphones around his neck were a comforting weight, as friendly and intimate as the straps of his cello case on his shoulders. He flipped them over his ears and dug in his coat pocket for his phone. Scrolling through the saved playlists on his music app, he skipped all of the classical “homework” and went straight for his guilty pleasures: dance-pop, glam-rock, musicals… and heavy metal. 

No one at work knew about his low, low tastes.

Well, the Third had known. 

Sasori gritted his teeth, biting back unbidden memories. Now he definitely needed to blast his brain clean with some noise. 

Something heavy.

Something loud.

Something to transport him far away from the sand-scraped streets of Sunagakure.

His thumb landed on the album he was looking for.

Art is an EXPLOSION by C4. Track 1: “Light It Up.”

From that first haunting guitar chord, the tension Sasori held in his chest and face dispersed. He rode that twisting whine down, down… someplace dark and cool, far beneath the earth. As the barreling drums built to a crescendo, he held his breath—wait for it!—

A million years, through timeless stone I’m damned to walk this path alone This darkness, all I’ve ever known…

The lead singer had a deep, melodic voice. He molded each word of the verse carefully, tenderly, as if he were embarking on a ballad… then WHAM!

Cymbals crashed; the roaring chorus caught the last two notes of an electrifying riff like a surfer hopping a wave:

Light it up! Hey, light it up! Strike a match and light it up! My fuse is short, ’m ready to blow, Crush the ceiling down to the floor!

Not in a million years would Sasori admit out loud to anyone that he listened to C4, especially not now that the public were actually aware of their existence. The metal band had catapulted to fame last year with their single “Burn Down All the Discos,” but Sasori had been listening to them well before that. Three years ago, his music app had recommended him a track from Art is an EXPLOSION—C4’s debut album—based on his eclectic streaming history. 

If the first song Sasori had heard by C4 had been anything but “Artist,” he’d probably never have given them a chance: their usual sound was, on the surface, sloppy, and most of the lyrics were childish boasts. “Look at me!” their vocalist seemed to say in every song. 

But “Artist” was different. It was, inexplicably, an up-tempo perversion of Vivaldi’s Winter Largo in F Minor, lamenting how hard it was to live for art’s sake when the world ran on money and heroic virtue. Listeners without classical training would be unable to appreciate or likely even identify the subtleties of what had been done with the classical score, but the first time he heard it, Sasori had been riveted. Vivaldi’s rhythmic harpsichord had been replaced with a softly tapped snare drum; a mournful electric guitar carried the melody when it wasn’t sung. 

Curiosity piqued, Sasori had investigated the rest of the album, and found similar nods to classical music throughout the tracks, much harder to notice than the adapted Vivaldi, drowned as they were in a thunderstorm of electric guitar and percussion. C4 were more than just a metal band: they experimented with typical traits of the genre and also drew from pop rock, classical music, even musical theatre to create a sound unlike anything Sasori had ever heard. They broke all the rules and they did it with glee.

One day—a rest day—home alone and bored, Sasori had looked up the band online. It surprised him to learn that the lead singer had been only sixteen when the band was formed. That powerful voice certainly didn’t sound like it belonged to a teenager. But the band’s website was light on biographical information, and Sasori hadn’t felt like digging deeper. An overwhelming amount of fan sites and social media accounts had sprung up since “Burn Down All the Discos” and C4’s world tour. Bored as he was that day, Sasori wasn’t about to use his precious free time to obsess over some flash-in-the-pan rock band, especially one fronted by a kid.

And yet, he still listened to them.

“Artist” often competed for the position of most frequently-played song on his app, but only when he was feeling particularly moody. 

It crossed his mind that he ought to check if C4 had come out with anything new lately—the app usually sent a message when artists he’d followed released new music. Pausing to wait for a traffic light, he dug for his phone again.

Lo and behold, a new album had dropped not three days ago.

Beauty of a Moment, it was called. The cover art featured the Venus de Milo... mid-explosion.

Sasori chuckled under his breath. “He really does fancy himself an artist, doesn’t he…” 

What a fool. Popular music was not art. Rock music was not art. It came and went, but the classics stayed. For centuries. Forever.

It was the one thing Sasori and the Third had always agreed on, despite all of their differences. 

Speaking of which… 

...

[themerlinlibrary]

Favourites Friday (Nov 2024) – Self-Rec Round: Fics that deserve more Love

TML Favourites Friday round-up! November 2024 round 5 (SRR)

What is Favourites Friday? – The Basics

a different theme is announced on Friday each week; FF recs must match the theme of the week

only one FF rec per person per week/theme

FF recs must be unique within that week/theme; no double-posting the same fic for one theme!

no self-recs during regular rounds

only self-recs during self-rec rounds (last Friday of each month)

Theme for this self-rec round: Fics that deserve more Love!

mirage by liviapeleia T, 0.2k, Gen ?

Bought and Sold by PeaceHeather T, 103k, Gen Canon AU

I'm not afraid to die by GabsTriesSomethingNew G, 1.1k, Lancelot/Merlin ?

The Last Night (You'll Have To Be Alone) by Glon_Morski T, 127k, Gen ?

Make It Flow (Everything In the Afterglow) by thesongistheriver E, 67k, Merlin/Arthur Bookstore AU, Modern Setting AU

Love, Differently by lavender_spice T, 5.6k, Gwen/Merlin, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Gwen/Arthur Pendragon, Gwen/Merlin/Arthur Pendragon ?

And Down the River's Dim Expanse by horsecrazy M, 14k, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon ?

For Us To Review by RangerJedi67 G, 2.6k, Leon & Arthur Pendragon, Gen ?

Disillusion (a remix of Light Pollution) by Linorien General Audience, 1041 words, Gen Epistolary

this fic is restricted. url: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56609266

Kiss me on the mouth and set me free by GuiltyScarl3t M, 1.4k, Lancelot/Arthur Pendragon, Lancelot & Arthur Pendragon Canon Divergence AU

Storm House by cynthia1314 G, 2.6k, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Gen Modern Setting AU

Less than Discreet and More than Delightful by Excited_Insomniac E, 15k, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon Modern Setting AU

The Totality of Partial Impressions by s0mmerspr0ssen E, 44k, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon College/University AU, Roommates/Housemates AU, 1990s AU

Please, just one more try by griffonskies M, 9.0k, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon ?

Wait For Me by thetreeofwillow M, 10k, Leon/Merlin Canon Divergence AU

The King and The Butterfly by fabledfrog T, 7.6k, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Gen Detectives AU everybody needs a hobby by ravenwilds G, 1.2k, Gen Modern Setting AU

A masterlist of all round-ups can be found here.

If you want to make sure you never miss a FF rec, or would like to participate and share your own favourites; join us on the Discord TheMerlinLibrary! Happy reading!

About the FF round-up lists:

Recs are listed in the order they were posted on the Discord; the order does not imply any sort of ranking.

The pairing given in this list is the main pairing of each respective fic – please read the tags for any possible minor or side-pairings, as well as any potential warnings or triggers.

Pairings and Eras are given as tagged in each respective fic. (?) signifies that the tags were unclear and I do not know enough about the fic to fill the gaps.

Round-ups are compiled on the weekend of the week after the respective theme of the post (when the new theme has already been anounced), to avoid omitting potentially belated FF recs.

The weekly round-up is not a guarantee! I'm running this alone, so it can only be posted for weeks when I have enough time on my hands to compile a list. If you'd like to help out, feel free to contact me on Tumblr ( @zaharya ) or Discord. Thank you to @ravenwilds for helping me out with this round-up, and to Chel for writing a whole-ass bot to make it easier!

[hondagirll]

tagged a few days ago by @stars-inthe-sky , a true gem of a human being

last song: Honestly I'm not a radio or spotify person so the last song i listened to was probably "Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere" song we did at work yesterday after stay and play to encourage the littles to pick up the toys. It's catchy

currently reading: The Only Thing Worse Than Me is You by Lily Anderson, a YA re-telling of Much Ado About Nothing. I am surprised by how much I enjoy it. Usually MAAN re-tellings are meh, especially YA ones but I am really enjoying this author's depiction of Beatrice. She's on point.

last film: Barbie, that I watched with my parents during the holidays. My dad is now going around calling their house his mojo dojo casa house haha

currently watching: re-watch of Firefly, probably haven't watched this show since 2010. Also a light re-watch of New Girl, we started in s4 with Background Check and just kept going and now we are on s5!

currently craving: Breakfast. I need to eat.

currently consuming: See above

three ships: Off the top of my head - CJ/Danny, Ted/Rebecca and Penelope/Schneider bc I miss them

first ship: I read Johnny Tremain at like age 9 (why????) and got really hooked on Johnny/Cilla. I don't know it that was my first ship but they were my favorite part of that (in my mind) boring book. The first ship I wrote ff for back in the day was Anne/Gilbert

favourite colour: Green

currently working on: Nothing at the moment. I am off work for the next few days so its nice to have no work stress

tagging: @queenofattolia @bethanyactually @onekisstotakewithme @jicklet @librarianmouse @ladytharen @talldecafcappuccino @dollsome-does-tumblr @acehardy @theycannotfindmenow and whoever else wants to do this.

[theonevoice]

Oh this is fun!! Thanks @9ndreus for the tag!

[TAG SOMEONE YOU WANT TO KNOW AND/OR SOME OF YOUR BESTIES]

favorite color: burgundy/deep red, which is the only thing other than all black that I've been wearing for the last 20 years of my life, much to my family and friends and coworkers chagrin, who will not shut up about it and keep asking me decade after decade why I don't wear colors

last song: Birdy's absolutely beautiful cover of The A Team which I love infinitely more than the original, sorry not sorry

last movie: A Man Called Otto, nice and wholesome

currently watching: OFMD s2 and Loki s2 (the last one mostly for completism, tbh)

other stuff I watched this year: I am in the middle of a massive rewatch of my personal japanese animation canon for research reasons, so here are a few (common themes are dystopian scenarios, human/artificial intelligence, various degrees of queer representation, rich philosophical content, ethical dilemmas, great soundtracks): Neon Genesis Evangelion, Cowboy Bebop, Wolf's Rain, Ergo Proxy, Serial Experiment Lain, Planetes, Last Exile, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Made in Abyss

shows I dropped this year: I tried and immediately failed to watch Sex Education

currently reading: The Complete Short Stories of Anton Pavlovič Čechov (warning: there is a lot of them); also, the stunning graphic novel, or graphic poem to be precise, Ai suoi tratti (To Her Traits - "traits" both as facial features and as pencil strokes), by Italian artist Gio Quasirosso, it came out yesterday Oct. 24 and I've just finished it this very afternoon so I guess it counts as "current" (I hope it gets an international release because it is a thing of great beauty)

currently listening to: David Arnold's GO soundtrack, mainly!

currently working on: finishing my InktOmens project, for one (which may become a set of prints/handmade reproductions if I figure out the shipping?), and other GO related stuff: a couple of planned artworks and some unnecessarily long-winded metas which apparently tend to make everybody cry; possibly my first attempt at a fanfic since my old ff-writer days (we are talking 2005, my friends, that's how ancient I am)

current obsession/s: Good Omens to a pathological level, it's almost scary (but it also brought me back to drawing after almost a decade-long hiatus and introduced me to this great fandom, so I'm grateful)

Ok I'm relatively new here and also bad at recognising people even after several interactions (raise your hands, my neurodivergent brothers and sisters), so I'll tag a couple of people that made me smile in the last few weeks, if they feel like joining in: @oskar-vajld @lauranalanthalasa @bluberryfields @actual-changeling

[currentlylivingonaprayer]

my wip

@zenithsky tagged me.

(if you read this, I will read the last few updates of diaryus I've missed in the next few days, sorry)

RULES: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

WIP

• call it love and devotion (kentakim/pitbabe)

• kinnporsche the series mermaid au inspired by @thatgothsamurai

• good omens hospital au

• taxidriver kdrama one shot

• vegaspete spin off to my kimchay ff

(I'm only actively working on the first two, but when I have the time I will sit down and maybe write some of the others)

Tagging @ae-azile , @liesineyes , @zoinkssc00b , @shou-jpeg , @le-trash-prince and everybody else, who wants to participate :)

(To the people I've tagged, you don't have to participate, if you don't want to)

Ask box is open

[konnorhasapen]

Snippet Saturday: Ass Snippet Edition

Y'all are gettin' spoiled today, but not too spoiled. This is a literal snippet. Like, 1/100th of the chapter. And where I started writing it is where you're getting the snippet from—which is absolutely not from the beginning💀 I wish I could tell you what happens before this very moment, but I don't want to spoil too much ffs-

——

   Alexis drew too quickly and her musket slipped from her fingers, scraping across the deck and out of reach. She narrowly dodged when Adam swung his sword, catching only the tip and tumbling to the floor with a long, thin slit just under her jawline. He swung once more—

   Suddenly the clash and ring of blade against blade echoed through the air, a familiar large and heavily geared silhouette stood over Alexis, casting her in a dark shadow and holding out the handle of her gun for her to grab.

   "I really hate these things," Tank said as The Vamp stared silently at her weapon gripped in their outstretched hand for a few moments before she snatched it and stood to her feet with haste and elegance.

——

Have fun with that because I know quite a few people voted in that 'Gunslinger' title poll thought Tank was The Gunslinger :)

Tank actually won that poll, which was what I expected tbh. I'll give y'all a hint if you'd like to guess: The Gunslinger has not only been mentioned by name, but the audience is well acquainted with them. At least in my opinion💀

💫TAGS LIST💫

@morgansplace @sealriously-sealrious @friendlyfaded @epsi-l0n @zozo-01 @febreze-bottle-without-febreze @anthrokiaera @pinksparkl @the-gender-bending-squid @nonbinarycringe404 @0605018redactedasmr @beemybella @reyofsunshinelol @star-sheeps @whatalovelymae (I think that's everybody- if not, just scream at me saying I'm dumb and forgot someone. It's okay to scream at me I always end up forgetting somebody it's inevitable- anyway, if you'd like to be tagged, lemme know!^-^)

[alexxkresnik]

Welcome to the blog!! The name is Alex, 30 yo, and any pronouns are acceptable! I made this blog specifically for my FFXVI OC by the same name. Minors DNI.

Info blurb for him in FFXVI can be found here

Info blurb for him in the Pokémon Universe is here

Memes can be found here

Now, onto the rules (I'm sorry)!

1. Communication is key! If you don't like something happening in the verse (or you don't agree with something), please let me know! I don't mind talking things out and fixing things here and there if need be (plus, we don't all like the same things).

2. Multishipping is perfectly fine with me, especially when it comes to my OC's! He's a little guy full of love (He's also happy with friends and found family as well). There will be exceptions (he's not going to love everybody, after all), but always feel free to ask!

3. I tend to write a lot (multi-para) but please don't feel like you have to match my length! I can make a mountain out of a molehill, after all. If the reply is going to be extra-long, I'll more than likely put it under a read more for others scrolling satisfaction.

4. I'm fine writing with existing characters or OCs! Don't feel shy! I can also easily throw him into any universe (he's not a new OC for me) so you don't have to be a FFXVI (or FF in general) blog to interact with me! As long as I know what I'm throwing him into, I'll be fine. I'll update his verses as they're created.

5. Please don't rush replies! Life outside of tumblr can be hectic sometimes (everyone has lives outside of the internet) so please be respectful! I will never rush replies in return. I would rather you take weeks to months to put out something you're satisfied and happy with than you rushing a reply and hating it. Mental health is key!!

6. I will post ooc, but I'll tag appropriately. I will also try to tag everything else appropriately (please feel free to tell me if I don't. I am, unfortunately, only human).

7. Alex is my blank slate. He's the first OC I ever created (back when I was a young teen) and he's followed me into every game/fandom I've ever enjoyed (either as the player character or a random NPC). If you have an rp idea in mind and need me to change his backstory a little, I don't mind! He can be anything I need him to be.

8. Any ask I get (with an rp meme/prompt) is left open-ended! This way, if you enjoy the direction I take the meme/prompt, you can continue it in a thread with me. (If you answer an ask I send, I'll ask if you want to continue before turning it into a thread, though, unless stated otherwise)

9. Have fun!

PSA! Occasionally you'll see me rping Wade (FFXVI) with Valiisthea. He is not open for everyone. You can message me, but 9 times out of 10 I will say no. I'm very self-conscious about my portrayal of him so I'm going to be extremely picky. I apologize in advance!

[eriyu]

i beat xvi so here are my reactions from along the way

for posterity (my future self is posterity)

i did not do this in any kind of organized way like i think i skipped writing anything down for big portions of the game;;;

spoilers obviously. and also after this i'm going to start reblogging xvi things including spoilers tagged #ffxvi so. be warned.

i guess i'll link my demo impressions because this is basically a continuation of that.

a mite predictable so far....... though i did think cid was gonna crystallize instead of regular dying.

GODDDDDD i wish there were a chatlog. or at least that dialogue were progressed manually. i don't have the focus for this shit when i can't even rewind it.

i love the combat a lot. which is weird to think seeing as i'm very much a turn-based fan and really. don't play action games ever. but it feels very kingdom hearts to me? there's even shotlock.

THE BIG MOMENTS ARE SO SO GOOD. A+ ON THE MELODRAMA.

clive is prime whump material and i love it.

some of the worldbuilding is a little baffling... mostly ORCS? REALLY? WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY CLASSIC FF OPTIONS TO CHOOSE FROM.

personal preference i guess but i feel like they could chill with the "mature content" a bit....... how many sidequests do we need to drive home how shit Bearers are treated. how many random sex workers does one game need.

i was going to complain about linearity, but things opened up nicely soon after i thought it, so props there LOL

i know it's supposed to be "dark" but like.... i want to fall in love with a game world. i want to wish i lived there. i want unique local flavors and COLOR. most of this so far is just generic medieval squalor. even places like the treno slums had beautiful waterways and plucky npcs and... COLOR...

jill feels like......... an afterthought. sometimes she's there; sometimes she's not, and it doesn't seem to matter either way. she barely talks. we haven't seen shiva in game since we first met back up with her. there's a vague implication that jill's doing important things but that's kind of it???

jill update: okay Things Happening but like. now she's out of commission? i'm getting sacrificed-for-man-pain vibes. i don't know; it's too soon to say that, but it just doesn't feel great.

the state of the realm UI is SOOOOO good. it's a bit of an overload in the way xiii's datalog was, but it's fine if i remind myself i can read things Later.

oh my god i love shotlocking a zillion enemies in a tornado.

i really love mid but "midadol" sounds like a pharmaceutical.

CANON GAYS?????

ultima looks like a tumblr lumpy-faced reptilian oatmeal man.

the voice acting is so good. like clive's screaming and crying reminds me of dub gaara's "MY BLOOOOOOD" which is the highest compliment i can possibly give.

oh my godddddddd the fighting at twinside is giving alexandria. again, in the best possible way.

okay seriously where the fuck is leviathan though. i keep wondering when leviathan is going to show up and i'm starting to think he's... not.

jesus christ i couldn't stop thinking about clive and joshua and dion today. i want to eat them.

look i KNOW clive and josh had a really good reunion moment in twinside but consider this: i want another one. i think they should have had another one at the hideaway. i want more tenderness. i deserve more tenderness.

they pronounce "chocobo" AND "popoto" with a short o in the middle like "chock" and "pot" and i'm so uncomfortable.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. WE LIKE JUST PROMISED JOTE WE'D KEEP JOSHUA SAFE AND NOW WE'RE SPLITTING UP. i'm so afraid everybody will die.

all the xiv references ;w; for some reason it's the quest names that keep getting me??? "through the maelstrom" this time.

i REALLY really wish jill's character didn't just revolve around clive.............. is my impression but i don't know if that's entirely fair of me. like if i made a list of bullet points i don't know that she's any worse than say, tifa with cloud. but it Feels worse. i WANT to love her, but i'm just not feelin' it.

god i want to be able to switch between two eikon/ability sets. i want a single-target setup and a trash mob setup. not even to switch mid-battle; i know that could be OP, just switchable in the menu.

i legit panic every time joshua leaves the party. like NO we're supposed to be WATCHING HIM??????? EVERYBODY IS GOING TO DIE IF I LET MY GUARD DOWN. also i love him. i can't stop thinking about him. continuing the proud tradition of square enix joshuas (being loved by me).

"EVEN LEVIATHAN THE LOST IS HERE" OH THANK FUCK.

uhhhhhhhhhh active time lore is absolutely giving me spoilers? MAJOR spoilers??? what the hell????????

reverie givin' me legend of dragoon vibes. like wingly stuff. i love it.

daaAAAAAMN zantetsuken OP????? but as it should be tbh. i love it.

hey

hey

HEY

i'm sad.

for real i. i feel like i'm not as upset as i COULD be because i was really emotionally preparing for Everyone to Die through the whole game. but wow. this still hurts.

i actually got maliciously spoiled with "clive dies" before i even got the game in my hands and partly succeeded at not letting that ruin the experience for me, but. damn i had a little bit of hope that it was a fake spoiler until i saw his hand.....

jesus christ though. ow.

i mean it was a largely satisfying ending. the fights were good. the Moral of the Story felt a lil heavyhanded but i do love the Power of Friendship. it could have been a lot sadder. but i'm such a sucker for a real happy ending o|--<

i think trying to brute force myself into liking jill more has made me like her less;;;;;;;;; i will try a different approach. her getting left behind for the end didn't help though. for the record i'm talking about liking her as a character. she's a perfectly lovely person.

holy fuck i'm emotional about joshua though.

oh no the post-credit scene made me sadder. it feels like a character flaw of mine but anything about losing magic, ever, makes me SO SO SAD. even when i KNOW it's supposed to make for a happy ending. like in kiki's delivery service when she can't hear jiji anymore??? fucking destroys me and not in the good way.

and joshua........... o|--<

i've really been looking forward to finishing so i could go look up shippy things but i just feel like. oof. now. i need to marinate for a while first. this isn't the time for shipping.

[lmk-6earm4c-au-blog]

I'm so sad about toshiro 😭 I loved him since he first joined, and you guys drove him away. My beautiful prince. I'm sure the new VA will be fine, but no one could ever be my toshiro again

I'm going in mourning, I'm sorry for anyone that was waiting patiently for my same universe masterpost, but I can't. I'm not actually sure I will ever post it since it's some same universe people who drove him out (you know who you are). I don't think I can even look at the tag without crying. Goodbye, at least for now

🪽icarus-withstyle follow

op turned of reblogs so i’m reposting, but this just goes to show much fan spaces need to stay fan spaces!!!! this entitlement people feel towards the fucking people creating the things we love is insane 🫠

#ispp #fandom critical #the urge to leave is SO strong but i would rather pluck out my teeth than allow myself to be driven off bc of this

🥔 hakuna_patatas follow

like, y’all do know he’s a living person, right? like VAs are people, yeah? like this is a fact everybody knows. it fucking should be

#ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? #op i am so sorry #i am SO sorry #toshiro did not deserve this ffs #igh so mad

[keirangoldenwatch]

I saw this and had to do it aesjgskgr

Template is from [here]

[cornsinthefield]

Just hold on a little bit more...

I know it's cliche, it's cheesy, OFC is a little bit patetic, but here you go, I was in the mood for writing something depressive and dark. Also, english isn't my first language so don't judge me 😅

Inspiration: Eleven minutes by Halsey and Yungblud ft. Travis Barker

Pairing: Johnny/OFC

Warning: some foul language, blood, gunshots, death (possible tears and/or heartbreak, it's pretty dark)

WC: 3.119

Single gunshot rang through the air. Johnny and the rest of SWAT team could hear it too, ringing in their ears like a bloody gong. He tried to ignore the ringing while feeling of dread consumed him, creating cold sweat on his back.

'Tory, can you hear me? Are you okay?' Johnny could hear panic in his voice. 'Please', he begged, 'let her be okay'

He heard a grunt and then fast footsteps, like someone was running away. Worry caused his stomach to drop, feeling suddenly nauseated. He started to lose patience:

'Victoria, god damn it, answer me!' he yelled in the microphone. Johnny was sure she would curse him for yelling that loud in her ear. Still no response, all it was heard was wind and then, out of nowhere, a cough.

'I think I'm bleeding'

Her voice sounded rough and Johnny got dreadful feeling her wound wasn't exactly harmless.

'Hey, easy, baby, tell me where' he tried to stay calm for her's sake. If she heard him panicking, she'd knew something was seriously wrong.

'I don't know, Johnny, I can't see the wound.'

'Fuck', he thought, 'that's why you always stay put, do the deal in the place where you meet.' But, there's was no need to lecture her now. It was done and over.

He didn't have a good feeling about this since she agreed to go and collect her cut with him. But, Victoria was ambious, always trying more: trying to close the case sooner, trying to catch as many bad people involved as she could etc. She reminded him of Mike in that aspect. And it's not that he didn't admire her ambious, daredevil, fearless attitude, he was just worried about her. Because, someday she would meet someone who won't be dumb as her previous targets, who'll suspect her behavior if she try to cut the deal or arrange a meeting too soon. Johnny knew she decided to go with her target because she wore tracker in her watch. And Johnny knew where she was. But the problem was…she wasn't just around the corner. She was aproximately 11 minutes away. In his head he was calculating what was the best thing he could do now. He covered his microphone to tell his team to call the ambulance on her location. He didn't want her to hear it, trying to avoid raising panic in her mind.

'Listen, Tory, I'm coming to get you, just hang on for me, okay?'

'John boy, don't worry, I'm fine.' He could hear she wasn't fine, but he didn't know if she was lying to keep him calm or adrenaline was still pumping and she still didn't feel the pain from the shot.

Johnny ran to his car, routing the line with Tory to his phone so he could talk to her while driving.

'Vic, I'm coming, how are you feeling?'

'I told you, I'm…I'm okay.' He could hear her shifting, hoping that sigh in between her words was due to that and not pain or wound.

The line was quiet for some time, Johnny's mind occupied by last night's memories. Victoria's anger and his stubborness, her telling him to stop bringing girls over, because 'living room is everyone's space', him accusing her of jealousy, her storming out because that wasn't the point she wanted to make.

'Johnny…' she pulled him out of his thoughts. 'You there?'

'Of course, mama, what's up?' he tried to sound casual.

'I'm sorry about last night. I was..I was jealous and I was angry at you…because you didn't seem to care about any of the girls you've slept with. And that made me feel like just another one of your conquests. I asked myself: did he feel the same way about me? Was I just another girl he used to pass time? I know we agreed we wouldn't talk about it, because we don't wanna ruin whole house dynamic, but I need to know…Just tell me the truth, no matter what it is.'

His heart broke when he heard all that. How could she even think something like that. She was the one who help him move on after whole Solano mess, after his broken heart.

'Oh baby, no, god no. Why would you even been thinking like that? How could you ever think you mean so little to me. God, mama, you're the one who motivated me to get out of bed every day after Lucia, you dragged my ass to go surfing again, you help me with my first case after all that…You helped me to stop dreaming Sid's dead body and Carlito's crazy eyes. All that, because you didn't stop bothering me, every day. You were even more annoying than Jakes.'

She tried to laugh at that, but her laughter sounded restrained, raspy, painful – it sounded more like cough than laugh. He tried to hurry up – 8 minutes from her, GPS showed.

'Relax, I'm coming.'

'Yeah..' she sounded sad, hopeless.

'I'll be there in 5 minutes' he lied a little bit, but he could be there in five, it's just a few more miles.

'You know I love you, yea?'

'Why do you sound like you're saying goodbye?' as soon as words left his mouth he regretted it. He was still a coward, unable to confess his love. But, she always was braver one. Stronger, more confident with her feelings. Johnny used to hide behind his 'manwhore image' as Briggs pointed out. It was comfortable, familiar, it was his. That was his mask for so long he even forgot how to take it off. But, Victoria managed to cracked it, at least a little bit.

She didn't respond to him, instead she simply continued.

'I've known for some time now, Jakes was actually encouraging me to confess. Who would have thought right?' she managed a quick laugh.

'And I finally gathered courage to talk to you. It was the night Dale left. He told me to suck it up and confess. But he didn't tell me he was leaving…anyways…after that, after we got drunk without him, after everything that happened that night…I couldn't…'

He remembers that night very well, even though he was wasted. He remembers heartbreak when Jakes left, he remembers Tory's teary eyes when he told her Dale had left, he remembers her soft lips when they landed on his, he remembers the way her hair smelt: like bonfire, coconut and sea. He also remembers how she tasted, her lips leaving behind taste of bitter irish ale and strong whiskey mixed with cigarettes and lavander.

'I'm sorry' he finally said.

'No, it's fine…everything was fucked up, all of us. The moment just wasn't right.'

'You know what, you stay alive for me now and then well talk about the right moment, deal?'

'Can't wait.'

5 more minutes, 'god, this car is going so slow' he thought as he step on the gas pedal.

'You know, I really wish you were here…'

'Hey, I'm almost here, just keep those beautiful eyes open for me, okay?'

'what if I can't?'

'Nooo, you must. Come on, man, just a little longer, yeah?'

'I'll try…'

'That's my girl.'

'I love you eyes. People usually love blue eyes, but your eyes are the most beautiful I've ever seen.' 

He smiled, he even blushed a little. But it was a sad smile. He could hear her voice trembling, getting weaker while her breathing started to sound heavy, like she was having trouble catching a breath. She also was doing this whole: 'I think I'm dying so I'll tell him everything while I still can' speech. He didn't know if it was that serious or if she just kept talking to distract him from this situation. By her breathing he knew it wasn't just a distraction but he couldn't know just how close to death she really was. 

3 more minutes... 

'what else do you love about me?' 

'you could have complimented my eyes, you idiot, but instead,' she coughed, 'you're fishing for another compliment' 

'that's me mami, that's why you love me' 

'you're damn right, Johnny Tutturo. And don't you dare forget that...'

'how about you tell me one more time when I arrive, okay?'

'where are you?' she simply asked, ignoring his question.

'almost there, tell me when you see the car'

'there's no one here'

'just one more turn, sweetheart'

'you know that saying: 'you're born alone, you die alone'?', she coughed again,'I always thought that was bullshit, just some patetic, depressed saying bad people use to justify why they're dying alone.' she managed a quick laugh, 'and despite our jobs I always imagined I'd die at home, surrounded by my family, friends. It's stupid right? We live type of life where we're alone, how could I expect anything different than dying on some parking lot, cold and alone' her voice was breaking, words started to get stuck in her throat, getting quieter and less recognizable. Johnny was losing his mind but he tried to focus on her voice, not on her words. Because she was still speaking, she was alive, she was strong enough to think, to speak, to stay awake. And he was almost there, 1 more minute.

'hey, Vic, i'm exiting the car, I'm almost there.'

Her end of line was quiet and he got even more scared than before.

'shit, where are you, damn it'

'John...' was all he heard, just a pained whisper, but it wasn't through his phone. He looked around and saw her body, lying down in the pool of blood and it was worse than he thought, than he imagined. He took her in his arms, put his jacket on her gunshot, despately trying to stop the bleeding. He was panicking until she stop him with her cold hand.

'it's okay, leave it... just hold me, okay? i'm cold'

he gave her a sad smile and nodded, lying her head on his lap.

'watch stars with me?' she asked.

'yeah, sure.'

silence washed over them as blood poured around their bodies, his hot from running, hers getting colder with each passing second. 'where's the god damn ambulance?'

Johnny could feel her drifting away, her eyes were barely open.

'I love you too, you know?' he said finally. He was saving it for the hospital, but right now he was losing hope about happy future for them.

she just smiled, weakly and nodded.

'kiss me?' she asked.

Johnny brought his head down, taking her cold head in his hands, feeling her wet cheeks full of tears under his fingertips. He wiped fresh tears away while his eyes settled on her eyes. They looked sad, like her lively green color was fading away, or Johnny was just imagining it. His eyes then finally fell on her lips. They were the only thing on her face that still had color, but by wiping his thumb across her bottom lip, Johnny realised it wasn't red lipstick she applied few hours before. It was blood, thick and warm, it coated his fingers. Finally his warm lips met her cold ones in the softest kiss he's ever given someone. In that moment he felt instant happiness and sadness wash over him. He tried to focus on her smell that felt like home, but the lingering metalic smell of blood was consuming his senses. He didn't want to let go, even when he felt her body going limp against his. Like he was savouring that moment untill he opened his eyes and faced reality. And he knew he wasn't ready for it. He knew that was the last time he would hold her, kiss her, smell her... He knew everything was over before it even started. Finally he opened his eyes and let go. And for a moment, he didn't feel anything except metalic taste of blood that was left on his lips.

...

Everytime he closed his eyes he could still see her lifeless body on the ground, sounds of ambulance arriving echoing in the distance. Even though a month has passed.

LA started putting up Christmas decorations and he thought of her. She loved Christmas. But Tory would always complain about lack of snow and the cold. First few days were the hardest. After Charlie drove him home that night he saw a voicemail notification, from her. He couldn't bear to hear it that night. Instead he listened to it a week after. The message was short, her saying she was sorry for the night before and asking if he was up for a drink after her job meeting that night. Soon after hearing it, he realised he missed her voice, so goddamn much. So he saved her message, played it over and over again until it lost its charm, until it started to sound robotic in his ears. That was the time he started calling her phone, to hear her voicemail, voicemail she planned to change because he interrupted her while recording it. And then she lost a bet to him and needed to leave it for a week. Luckly she didn't change it, because hearing it filled his heart with joy and happiness. It was good to hear her laugh, to hear her happy. The first time he called her phone he felt silly, fearing they maybe turned off her phone number. But they didn't. And all of his worry and pain went away when he heard her voice:

'hey, you've got Victoria Monroe, plea... hey, stop making me laugh..., please leave a message, i'll call you later. Johnny, you idiot. Biiiip.'

He didn't leave a message even if he was thinking about it. But he couldn't speak to her loud. It just felt weird even though he was having conversations with her in his mind all the time. Whatever he was doing he was imagining what she would've said if she was next to him. 'Johnny, how can you drink your coffee without milk?', 'Johnny, this game is boring, let's continue our Marvel maraton', 'man, you still haven't changed your bedsheets, gross' and so on and so on. It was comforting at first but it started to drive him insane. Others noticed it too. He was always in his own head, not hearing what others were saying or asking. Dale was the first one who confonted him about it. He was frustrated but also worried about Johnny's health. But, Johnny wasn't ready to talk yet. He still wanted to drown a little longer in his suffering and depression. So, they let him be. They checked on him every day, but they didn't pressure him to talk. Charlie would bring him food, Dale would slip him a bottle of tequila every few days, Mike would leave him little packages of chocolate even though he wouldn't admit it. Paige slipped him some yellow pages and crosswords few times, because she knew those stupid gossip would make him laugh and crossword would make him concentrate and forget about everything else. Briggs being Briggs made him some of his tea that was suposed to heal his spirit and clear his mind. Johnny wouldn't say it helped but the tea was tasty, so he didn't mind drinking it. After a week, he started to go out. He just needed to get away from her scent. Like the blood that covered her clothes, her smell was lingering all over his room, on his bedsheets, on his t-shirt she borrowed when she'd slept in his room.. He mostly went surfing because it helped him clear his mind and tire his body. It would make him fall asleep more easily. After a week and a half, one Sunday when he returned from the beach, he decided to finally change his sheets. He may have broken down while he was removing his pillowcases, but after an hour, his bed was made, old sheets in the washing machine... But, no matter what, he didn't manage to wash his favourite t-shit, the one she stole to sleep in. She knew it was his favourite and she stole it with that in mind. He may have acted angry, but he didn't really mind. It looked better on her anyway. 'Well', he thought, 'I guess, it will stay her t-shirt after all'... He didn't throw it in the washing machine, he decided to put it away in his closet, in the box where he kept his memories: pictures of his mother and brother, little things he exchanged with his buddies in Navy, like necklaces and bullets, pictures and smelly socks.. Yeah, they were gross but now they were all memories very dear to his heart. And now, she becomes just a memory too. Hidden away in some box in his closet, box he doesn't open very often, box he forgets about sometimes. No, he couldn't do that. Instead he put it on the hanger, next to his shirts and tuxedos. So now everytime he misses you, he can open his closet and let her smell in the room again. In first few days he opened his closet quite often, but after a while, her scent of pine and coconut didn't linger in his room anymore. Still, every morning when he opened his closet to get dressed, he would smell her. After a while, he found it comforting, in a way. Like he knew she was with him, telling him he could survive this day ahead. A month after, Christmas was around the corner and his walk brought him to her grave. He still couldn't talk to her out loud. He never understood how people could do it. 'Maybe that just happens in the movies' he thought.

Victoria watched him from the distance, her heart breaking at the sight of him, broken, unshaved, tired, with dark purple circles under his eyes... She never thought she would see him like this. All she wanted to do was yell at him: 'tell me how to fix this, how to help you!'. Her anger and sadness turned to bargaining: 'come lay flowers every Sunday on my gravestone and we'll talk' she thought. But they couldn't, she wasn't in the same world as him anymore.

He stayed there for a while. And he returned a week later, but instead of flowers, bottle of her favourite whiskey was in his hands. And he poured them a drink. She didn't know whether to be sad he was drinking or happy she's seen him again. The week after he showed up with his black bracelet which he left there. That day he went to the house and for the first time in almost two months knocked on Charlie's door.

'hey, Charlie, can we talk?'

- The end -