#i'm not sure if i even tag her with her name but tumblr wouldn't remember it either way since it's been a million years lol

[hoardlikegoldenirises]

felt like doing a little thing w/ pride flags for my OCs since i did that big ol sketch of spidey characters lol

just simple

it's not EVERY character I have, like, i didn't include foul day (a lesbian) or fishblood (gender something), or the rest of the supporting characters for... any of them really (esp Seth's universe cause that's a whole lot of characters many of whom are queer lol) but i included the basic ones

and like i noted on qela's, technically she doesn't have that kind of thing conceptualized like culturally, but human au qela... she does

also yes that's heteroflexible on theo 😂

edit: fixed some minor details that were bugging me

bonus:

obviously this is not a comprehensive list of flags and doesn't include any of the alternate rainbows cause i was just going w/ simplicity for this drawing and only made the ones i needed for a specific set of my own characters, but feel free to use any of these for emojis or whatever else.

[ecogirl2759]

THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!

Here it is, guys!

The Kiyotaka Ishimaru Mastermind comic from 4コマ KINGS Vol. 4!

SPECIFICALLY CITING THIS SO THAT OTHERS KNOW WHERE TO FIND THIS COMIC!!!

Huge, HUUUUGE thanks to @panicuriprince!!! They helped me with clearing the text, rewording panels and putting everything together! Pages 4, 5, and 6 are her doing! PLEEEASE go send her some love, they REALLY helped me get this done and I literally couldn't have done this without her :D

There's a document below the break with more literal translations for the comic, as well as translation notes, a link to a Google Drive folder with ALL of the pages, and other interesting tidbits! Please give it a read!

The Japanese pages will also be below the break! (As well as a little spiel of mine. It's quite long, so be careful!)

(also please forgive how many tags there are here-)

Remember to read right to left <3

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As promised, here are the Japanese panels:

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AND HERE'S THE DOCUMENT!

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✨ WOW ✨

I can't begin to describe to you all how AMAZING this feels!

I've spent the past 2 years on what felt like a wild goose chase, desperately searching for this one comic that I wasn't even sure existed.

This all started with me finding a photo on Tumblr of this comic and spiraling into this deep dive. First I didn't know if this was even real, then I found out that this comic series had ceased printing, then I couldn't be sure which book it was actually in.

There is literally almost no information out there about the fourth volume of this anthology series. I've said this before and I'll say it again, volumes 1 and 2 both have full translations that you can download off of other websites, and while 3 doesn't seem to have that, there are a lot of separately translated comics floating around out there, namely on Pinterest.

The 4th volume had NOTHING! No matter how hard I searched or how many links I clicked, no one has really said ANYTHING about this book, which was why this specific comic was so hard for me to find.

But I have all of the books now, so I definitely want to do this again for all of them so that people have easy access to these translations. I'll start with book 4 though haha.

Also, I'm not sure who it was, but HUUUUGE thanks to the kind stranger on Ebay who was willing to sent me the whole series!! I literally don't know where I would be right now if these books weren't with me, so thank you <3

Also, thank you to all of my Japanese teachers that I've had throughout the years. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have been able to understand the comic, haha! One even helped me out in the early stages of this process, so extra thanks to him <3

I feel really passionate about accessible media. I think that everyone should be able to read and find whatever they want. That's part of the reason that I've endeavored on this project. I want everyone to be able to seek out and find these comics if they really want to. And, of course, I want everyone to be able to understand them, too.

So please enjoy this comic! If you'd like to repost it, I'd appreciate being credited just so that others know where they can go to find the full comic.

This one-man project isn't so one-man anymore, and I seriously can't thank everyone who's helped me enough!!! I'm honestly so glad I didn't have to go through this alone <33

ALSO

If you see anything, LITERALLY ANYTHING, that you think I could change/improve (like formatting or different interpretations of the Japanese text), PLEASE shoot me a message!! I want to make sure this comic is as good as it can be, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Even if you don't have a suggestion and would just like to reach out to ask a question or something, PLEASE don't be afraid to do that! I know I get really cold feet when sending people asks, so I'm going to reassure everyone who needs to hear it now: You're never going to be a bother to me! I love getting asks! Whenever anyone sends me something, I get really excited <3

So ask questions! Tell me I did a horrible job and got none of the text right! Ask why Ishimaru literally cannot be evil! I don't know the answer, either!

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Thank you all so much for the support and the kind words you've been giving me ever since I first announced I was translating this comic! Your support has been extremely motivating to me! Also, you guys are hilarious with your tags!

Seriously, thank you so much! Words literally can't express how I feel right now, but I guess the best way I could describe it is cathartic. I'm REALLY happy that I finally get to share 2 years worth of work with you guys! You've all been a massive help to me in more ways than one <333

KEEP BEING AWESOME <3

[laiosynth]

come away, oh ghostly child... (pt 2)

( PT 1 <-) (-> PT 3)

For about 3 months now, there's been a ghost in Gotham. He's young, maybe 3 or 4.

The people of Gotham have come to accept this ghost (who says his name is Phantom) as a regular part of life, just like the heroes, villains, and other general weirdness surrounding Gotham. He has his own twitter and tumblr tags, #phantomwatch and #gothamsnewson respectively. He's as much a part of the ecosystem as the rest of Gotham.

She kept her promise, the city is his playground.

But Danny is lonely.

Maybe that's why he starts to frequent the heroes' haunts more often.

Nightwing is Danny's favorite. He's kind, more so than even his parents had been to him in his hazy memory. He's strong, too, and he protects people. And he's like Danny- he has a secret identity! Nightwing puts on a mask to keep himself safe, just like Danny.

The other vigilantes are the same, but some of them smell- literally. They reek of rotting, decayed, corrupted ectoplasm. It's gross. Icky. They're still fun to be around, but Danny wishes he could help. The one time he did try to approach one- Red Hood- to help, the vigilante had been busy.

That night, though, Gotham visited him in a dream.

"Danny, my lovely child, you are not my only. These Bats, they are my children too. They are your friends, your brothers. They are safe. They will keep you safe. I know you are lonely, little one. They will keep you company."

The night after that dream, he resolves to meet one of his new brothers. Nightwing is kind, surely he wouldn't mind!

And so, that night, he follows Nightwing! On the way, while Nightwing is resting, there is a churro stand. The smell is heavenly, and he's so hungry, so how can he resist?

So he approaches the churro stand.

"Hello, Mister. Can I please have 1 churro?"

The man running the stand doesn't take kindly to Danny's appearance.

"Back, foul demon! Evil Creature!"

The look on the man's face as he grabs a cross and exits the stand to go after Danny makes him remember his parents, chasing him with ecto-guns and weapons. It makes him cry. He sobs, his wails filling the street, echoing off the walls unnaturally.

"No, no, no! Stop, stop, please!"

The man does not stop his berating. Instead, he raises his cross over his head, intending to bring it down on Danny.

The man does not get that far, because Nightwing has grabbed his hand, and is saying something to the man that makes him flee back to his churro stand. Then, Nightwing kneels down to him.

"Hey, buddy. I'm sorry about that guy, are you okay?"

Danny wails, because he's scared, and he still remembers.

"Hey, hey, Phantom, can I touch you?"

Danny looks up at Nightwing, kind Nightwing, and nods.

Nightwing picks him up, and then they're flying, a different kind of flying than he's used to, and despite himself, he giggles because it's fun and feels funny.

They settle on a roof, and Nightwing moves Danny to his lap, carefully checking him over.

Danny reaches up to Nightwing's face, brushing his gloved fingers over the black mask.

"Yeah, that's my mask. It keeps me safe."

Danny knows all about that.

"I'll be quiet so you can be safe," he whispers, "They can't find out. That would- that would be very- very bad."

Danny wonders what Nightwing needs to stay safe from. He hopes it isn't right around the corner!

"Yes, shh, they can't find out. Very good, Danny."

Danny reaches a finger up to shush him, scared.

"Shhhhh! If they find us, they'll disstect us. Molcle by Molcle..."

Danny wants to cry again. He doesn't want Nightwing to be dissected!

Nightwing cups Danny's face with his hand, and suddenly, Danny feels a lot safer.

"It's alright, Danny. They can't get us up here."

They can't get us... Danny's safe. He's really safe!

Danny lets his ghost form fall.

Suddenly, he's very, very tired...

...

tags: @basilf1res @angelheartgamer @justgray15777 @terzatheunderscorerima @phantom120 @undead-essence @crazydoughnutlady @big-flrda-kys

(tell me if this works, im still very new to tumblr ;-;)

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Postcard Marks the Spot

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.8K

Warnings: Canon typical torture that's about it in this one.

Author’s Note: Soooo..... I lied. There's definitely going to be more parts to this. All because I can't control myself. And if the muse wants to see this through, then I'm gonna do just that. You'll need to read the first two parts of this to understand what's going on. Don't forget to follow @xxwritemeastoryxxlibrary and turn on notifications just in case tumblr doesn't notify you with the tags.

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

Phantom Masterlist || MCU Masterlist || Taglist

Her throat was raw from screaming. If it hadn't been for the mouth guard she was sure she would have broken teeth from clenching her jaw tightly as the electricity pulsed through her. The numbness she felt once the machine stopped barely gave her relief. 

Fight it. You can fight it. The words she constantly repeated on a loop from the moment they first placed her into the chair. You are strong enough to fight this. You made it through worse.

"Who are you?" A woman's voice filled the air but she refused to find the source. 

This wasn't the first time she heard the question and she was sure it wouldn't be the last. It was a question to see how much of her memories had been taken. To gage how much more they needed to subject her through. 

Her answers varied with each time. At first she only told them to fuck off. Or occasionally she'd get the chance to spit in the face of the doctor that stood too close to her. The more they began to chisel away at her, the more her answers changed. 

Just a random stranger. 

The person that's going to kill you when I get out of this chair. 

An ex Avenger.

Y/N. 

Phantom

The moment the mouth guard was pulled from her lips. She panted out her birth name. The name she had barely remembered from her time in the Red Room. The name that had been taken from her the moment she sat in the chair for the first time. 

It was the name that held no real meaning to her anymore. She had felt more of an attachment to the fake name she had been going by for the last handful of years than the name she had been born with. Yet at that very moment, that's the only name she remembered. 

She watched as the woman standing in front of her wrote on the clipboard after she had spoken. As she did, she tried to remember how she had gotten there or how she even ended up strapped to the chair. The more she tried to remember the more her head hurt, and not just from the process they subjected her to. 

"Do you know who this is?" 

Another question they kept asking her before holding up a series of photos. Sometimes it'd be a group photo of the Avengers at a press conference or individual photos of each of them. Other times it'd be a photo of her original handler or several other faces recognizable through Hydra’s history. And each time she gave the appropriate answer to ensure they knew her memory was fine. 

Until it wasn't. It was taking her longer to answer. Longer to figure out if she actually knew who she was looking at. At the beginning she'd easily say their names without any hesitation. But as each session progressed, she'd fight harder to remember their names. Sometimes she couldn’t at all. 

A photo of Bucky was held up for her to see this time. By the looks of it the photo had been taken on a mission. His brows had been furrowed in concentration as he held a gun up, ready to pull the trigger when needed. 

There were plenty of things going on in the photo, but she could only get her eyes to focus on his eyes. How familiar they had been to her no matter how many times she had seen them before and during her current situation. 

With the familiarity came a sadness that filled her chest. A pain that she no longer understood why it had been there as she looked at his eyes. But it lingered in the pit of her stomach. But she knew him. Otherwise there'd be no familiar feeling as she looked at the photo. 

Her brows furrowed as she tried to get her brain to work. To pull the information out from behind the wall that is being put up. After a moment an echo of his laugh filled her mind. 

His laughter had been contagious the whole night. It was a sight she hadn't seen before and she was enjoying every moment of it, committing it to memory as if it was the last time she'd ever hear him laugh like that.

His vibranium arm had been holding several bags filled with merchandise he had acquired through the night. Y/N had enjoyed watching him go from booth to booth and taking everything in before deciding that what the vendor was selling was worth the price and bought it without second guessing himself. 

Taking Bucky to a smaller fantasy based convention for his birthday was something that he never once expected to ever do. But seeing the excitement on his face as he went through the whole day pulling her to the different booths that caught his attention had been worth it. 

For the first time since completely turning her back on Hydra, she got to really get to know who Bucky was. And from the moment she found the flier advertising the convention, she knew she had to take him. 

"You have no idea how much I needed this." Bucky said as he pulled her closer to his side and put his arm around her shoulder. "I don't know how to express how much I appreciate you pushing me to give this a chance."

"Seeing you this happy and excited is all the expression I need." She kissed his cheek before giving him a smile. "Happy Birthday Bucky."

"His name is James Barnes." She said a moment later as she lifted her head up slightly to look at the doctor in front of her. "He's an Avenger. Former Winter Soldier and hostage of Hydra, just as I am."

A small tsk followed by a sigh came from the doctor. Before she knew it, the mouth guard was being forced back into her mouth. 

She braced herself for the blow. But no matter how many times she had experienced it, her body was never prepared for the current of electricity being sent through her. 

At the sound of the door opening, the doctor didn't bother to look up from the page she continued to write notes on. "This process would go a lot faster if we had her book." 

"That was never recovered." A soldier responded as he came to a stop beside the doctor. His eyes moved over to chair the moment a new wave of screams left her mouth. "We can only go by the pages we've found that Pierce had copied during his temporary time as her handler." 

"And nothing has come up from when you captured her?" The doctor looked up at the soldier before checking the watch on her wrist. 

"No." The soldier responded. "For all we know she could have destroyed it along with the base." 

"What are the chances of inserting new commands?" The doctor asked as she wrote a few more things on the clipboard before nodding her head to her assistant, indicating to turn off the machine. 

He watched as Phantom sagged in the chair, panting. He had seen the fire in her eyes the day they brought her in. As she opened her eyes, he could tell that fire had been snuffed out. There would only be a few more times needed if they were lucky.

A small smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. "There's only one way to find out. "

___

It wasn't long after Bucky explained the meaning of the postcard that the team found themselves back on the quinjet. There was no actual plan of action or data to go off of. Only a destination based off of the location on the front of the postcard.

"What are the chances of her still being there?" Natasha asked, looking over at Bucky. 

Their destination was only a few minutes away and all of them, especially Bucky were getting antsy. They weren't sure what would come from this trip. For it being 3 weeks since the postcard had been sent, they expected to almost find nothing once they landed. 

"Slim to none." His attention was on the postcard in his hand. He hadn't put it down since Sam had handed it to him. His fleshed fingers would occasionally run along the grooves of her writing. "For her to send this, there had to be no other way of getting out of it." 

"Then why send the postcard?" Sam asked. 

Bucky’s eyes looked over the writing on the back for the millionth time. He could hear her words play through his mind. Okay, worst ever possible case scenario. He realized now that it wasn't just a random scenario. It was a just in case idea if either of them would ever need it. 

He now understood why she had done it. They both had a past with Hydra. It was only a matter of time until someone attempted to get them within their grasp. Y/N knew she would be the easier target with the programming still locked within her mind. 

This was her way of subtly adding in the details just in case something came up. And while the first stake out with the potential scenarios had been a few months after her escape from Hydra, she wanted it embedded in any way she could. 

"It lets us know where to start looking." He responded a moment later. "Someone could have seen something. Or if she was keeping anything with her, that'd be where she left it. If we're lucky, we'll find something that will let us know at least in what direction Hydra went."

"Not to be the downer on the thought process," Sam began as he leaned forward in his seat. "What if that is the only thing we have to go on? She's been damn near impossible to even get a trail on after she stopped using the safe houses. For Hydra to find her, they've got something we don't and any trace of that could be gone." 

That had crossed Bucky’s mind several times on the way over. Each thought process comes to the same two ends. On one hand there was a possibility that there'd be nothing else to go on. On the other, there was ache in his chest that screamed she'd leave something behind for him to find. 

"What is it?" She asked as she finished wrapping her wounded hand in gauze. Bucky's brows had been furrowed as if he'd been thinking hard about something.

"Your hypothetical today." He said with a sigh. "I couldn't stop thinking about it." 

She ran her good hand along her face. "Was it the Hydra question?" She watched as he nodded before she closed the distance between them. "If there's one thing I know, you'll always be free from them." She placed her hands on his cheeks as she looked up at him. "You're strong enough to fight without them getting into your head. And I'd be there guns ablazing to pull you out before they could try anything." 

He chuckled as he placed his hands on top of hers. "Humor me. What's waiting on the other side of the postcard?" 

She shook her head slightly, a smile pulling at her lips. "There’d be hope waiting on the other side. Whatever we have with us. My heart." They both chuckled. "If I ever needed to use Siberia, I'd make sure I'd leave whatever I could to help you find me. No matter how small or big it may be." 

"You just have to trust me when I say this might be more than just a postcard." Bucky said as he looked over at Sam. 

____

Once landed, the team had split up. Bucky took one look at his surroundings and gave the others several locations to search. Especially places he knew would have vantage points of the town. While any other time he'd willingly go searching for any sign of Y/N, he knew he had to be the one to go to the shop on the postcard. 

He, along with Tony and Natasha, began making their way through the center of the town. Vendors lined both sides of the street. And as the town normally did, crowds gathered at each vendor.

Bucky’s eyes had constantly been scanning the area. They never settled in one spot for too long. They were scanning for the shop or anything that could be lurking around. If Hydra was still around, he didn't want to be caught off guard. 

When the small shop came into view, Bucky’s pace picked up as he made his way over. He hadn't cared if the others had taken a second longer to realize where he was going. He hadn't cared how the bell rattled loudly against the door as he roughly pulled it open moments later. He just hoped that there was something. Anything to lead him in the right direction of Y/N. 

As he scanned his eyes over the shop, he noticed three things. One, the way a glare formed on the shop owner's face before his eyes widened in surprise. Second, was the empty spot in the aisle that Bucky could only assume once held shelves. And third, his nose could pick up on the lingering scent of bleach. 

There was no doubt that something had happened within the shop. He felt some relief that something had happened instead of coming up empty the moment he walked in. He felt it in his gut that she had been there. That the postcard hadn't led to a dead end. 

He could almost imagine the path into the shop she would have taken before she reached the rotating shelf of postcards. The back and front entrance was visible no matter where she was within the shop. Several aisles filled with anything she could possibly grab to help her. He understood why it had to be this shop. 

"You're the Avengers." The shop owner noted as Tony and Natasha began to walk towards him. Bucky followed behind shortly after and noticed how the shop owner's face quickly steeled over as if he was supposed to be that way from the beginning. 

"At least that makes things easier." Tony said  as he looked at Bucky and Natasha before looking back at the shop owner. Tony opened his mouth to continue when the shop owner quickly interrupted. 

"Are you safe?" Bucky watched as the man asked Tony. He seemed not to care about what Tony may have wanted to ask and it made Bucky curious as to why. 

"Safe?" A confused look formed on Tony’s face. "Of course I'm safe." Tony then pulled up a projection of Y/N. "Have you seen her come in?" 

The owner looked at the projection for a moment before shaking his head. "No." He looked towards Natasha. "Are you safe?" 

The three of them looked at each other for a moment before Natasha nodded her head. "I'm safe. We're all safe. We're just looking for our friend to make sure she is safe." 

It was Natasha’s words that clicked something in Bucky’s mind. Anyone else would have just given an answer about if they had seen Y/N or not. But this man had been intentionally avoiding any questions about Y/N. 

All he cared about was asking if they were safe. A question that seemed pointless given the current circumstances. But Y/N had sent him a postcard with a coded message. A code that had been tied into the steps he had created with a scenario she had come up with for the sake of making a stakeout easier to handle. 

The owner shook his head slightly before looking at Bucky. There was a look in his eyes, almost pleading that one of them knew how to respond. "Are you safe?" 

An annoyed sigh passed Tony’s lips at the words but Bucky nodded his head. "Pancakes."

"What?" Both Tony and Natasha said at the same time. 

"I'll explain later."  Bucky shrugged. 

A smile pulled at the shop owner's lips as he kept his eyes on Bucky. "Your preference?"

Bucky chuckled at the memory that crossed his mind. One that left him and Y/N tangled in each other before the smoke alarm went off. "Regular, but the burnt ones made the memories." 

The shop owner nodded his head quickly. "One moment." He moved away from the counter and made his way towards the back room. 

Bucky looked over to find Natasha and Tony sharing the same look of curiosity. Bucky shrugged his shoulders. "Y/N played this smart. Anyone else would have given you an answer about if they saw her. Not look directly at an image of her and lie before asking the same thing to the person standing next to you." He looked over at Nat. "He completely ignored what you said after asking. But when you mentioned we were making sure Y/N was safe, it hit me what the phrase was. So I gave it to him." 

Before Natasha or Tony could respond in any way, the shop owner came back carrying a decorative box. One that was decent in size but small enough to be held in one hand. 

"Your friend said to give this to you." He held it out for Bucky. Bucky gently reached out to take it from him. "She told me she'd only trust the person who could answer correctly. Said what was left of her life was in that box." 

"Thank you." Bucky said as he brought the box closer to him. His eyes never left the lid of the box as he had. 

I'd make sure I'd leave whatever I could to help you find me. No matter how small or big it may be.

Part of him was afraid to even look inside of it. If this was all she had kept with her, it added to the guilt that was already hooked within him. The other part of him wanted to know what items the box contained that would help put him in the right direction in finding her.

"Was this where she was taken?" 

Bucky had heard Natasha’s voice ask the question. But his brain wasn't fully latching onto the conversation as his focus was now on opening the box. 

"No. She killed two of them here before she left. Tourists saw soldiers take her down at the next block over." 

She fought her way out.That would explain the empty space and smell of bleach. Bucky thought as he placed the box and the lid on the counter top in front of him. The box had been filled halfway with items Y/N had put in there. 

At first glance Bucky could see some pictures. Pictures that made a small tick of a smile pull at his lips. A strip of photos from a booth stuck out and he gently pulled it out taking in the images. 

His heart longed for the moments the camera had captured. The smile on both of their faces as they looked at each other instead of the camera. How her eyes had shined so beautifully as she looked over at him. Or how he kissed her at the right time for the last photo. The first time he ever kissed her was captured for them in a small square photo. 

His face fell as that guilty feeling poked out at him. He hated himself for forcing her to leave. He hated that he waited so long to start visiting safe houses and leaving her messages. Messages that had been left unanswered as those safe houses stayed vacant. 

Sighing, he placed the picture strip back on top and lifted the pile of photos to stand against the edge of the box. Underneath the photos were a few folded maps. 

Maps of the different locations she had been in over the last year and a half. Circles and Xs were visible in certain locations. No doubt places she deemed safe and places to stay clear of. On the top right corner of the first map, her writing had caught his interest quickly.

If you're reading this, thank you for coming. You didn't have to, but you did. You are the only person who would understand the contents of this. Keep it safe. Keep it hidden. I trust you with it. 

His eyebrow raised as he lifted the maps. Beneath them were two journals stacked on top of each other. One of them he recognized right away. The other not so much. 

The one he recognized had been Y/N’s journal. One that she had kept with her on every mission, every vacation, and that she wrote in nightly. Her favorite color protected the pages she had been writing on. And by the simple glance of it, there were only a few more pages left untouched. 

When he pulled the second journal out, his heart dropped. The black leather journal stared right up at him. The white lettering on the front was bright against the cover. The journal is newer in comparison to the one that still occasionally haunts his dreams. 

His fleshed fingers ran over the etched lettering in the leather. Each letter he traced with his finger proved further that Y/N did her best to make sure no one could just come along and surprise her. She'd go down as herself and not as the asset they made her into. 

As his fingers came to the last letter on the cover, flashes of a red journal appeared across his mind. How he loathed the memories of sitting in that suppressing machine and seeing the soldier in front of him read from the journal. How a journal such as that one, and the one in his hand, had the capability to take away a person's free will in an instant. 

Phantom. The front of the cover stated. It wasn't a symbol like the one he had seen being used during his time in Hydra’s hold. A single word that held more secrets than a symbol. 

Every detail about her time as Phantom was sitting in his hand. Her trigger words, the torment and conditioning she had been subjected to, along with notes from her handlers about her missions would be within the pages of the journal. The one thing that kept her from ever falling into the wrong hands without a fight and he now had it. 

She trusted him with the very detailed past she tried so hard to keep hidden from him. Trusted him with the very thing that could be used against her time and time again if allowed. He had it in his hand and he wanted nothing more than to watch it burn.

Who asked to be tagged:

@lady-loki-barnes-djarin

Phantom Taglist:

@anna97almeida

All WorksTag (The tag to be notified for everything I write):

@mrs-maximoff-kenner @mizzzpink @friendelius @thatfanficstuff @mushroomelephant @23victoria @avengers-fixation @fayeatheart @my-soulmate-is-mycroft

Excelsior Tag(All MCU fics):

@hellotvshowtrash @dpaccione @old-enough-to-know-better73 @elijahs-wife @kpopgirlbtssvt @theartofhotchinthesnow @bluebear142077 @thatweirdoleigh @loving-life-my-way

Winter Soldier tag(For only and all things Bucky):

@fandom-princess-forevermore @freyathehuntress @emerald-writes

[carmenized-onions]

HEY LOVELY!!!! Now this, THIS, was worth every day i waited. IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING. Everything i dreamed it to be and more.

Tony and Mikey scenes? HEARTBREAKING. Every moment they have together, no matter sad or happy, is slowly chipping away at my soul.

Carmen getting a therapist? Genius. Don't know why the writers haven't given him one, boy does he need it.

Syd and Richie making sure Tony is taken care of by sorting Carmen out before he see's her again? Everything. I need them as friends, right now. NOW.

(still pissed at Carmen, though.)

The way you write characters reactions to grief is, like, stunning. STUNNING.

ALSO, as someone with a brother who struggles with drugs, seeing Mikey being portrayed as a nice person with loving friendships is really amazing to see. (the fact i have another brother called Mikey too, freaky? probably not. BUT IM A DRAMATIC PERSON OKAY?)

Anyway, i am genuinely in love with this series. You should be so incredibly proud of your self. Would i be able to get onto the tag list?

He congratulates you.

the absolutely shattered render quality of this image really fucking makes it. packing update: I've just got the desk and closet left! and also my billion plants.... i really don't want to think about the plants...

SO GLAD it was worth the wait, I hope chapter 14 also is. I'm not the most happy with the ending scenes right now... Happier than I was yesterday... but maybe I just need to stop looking at it, honestly. I'm transforming into S3 Carmen changing that menu every 5 fucking minutes AH.

CHIPPING away you say? not funny. I'd had these scenes in my head for a minute, but I was so worried about being off-base with Mikey's character because all I had to go off of was Fishes, so thank you God for Napkins I would've been so fucked.

SPEAKING OF S3, I know,,, it makes sense that he doesn't have one I mean he hesitated so much to just go to al-anon but even fucking al-anon in S3 he's reverted to just not fuckin' talking which SUCKS !! DON'T SUBTRACT !! PLEASE STOP SUBTRACTING IM BEGGIN YOU!!

I love Syd and Richie and the way they combine forces when it comes to their Shared Work Wife. I think what's so fun about it is that without this being for Chip, Syd wouldn't be so direct, and Richie would be so much fucking meaner, but because it's for her, they actually make an effort to sort Carmen the fuck out. And also beat his ass. two things can be true.

And THANK YOU I write a fuck ton of grief poetry and I think I just went to like. a lot of funerals as a kid. an unexpected consequence of having a kid a lot later than everyone else. It's in my bones. but like in a fun way.

Also, when I read this for the first time, I remember being SO confused because I was like. "There was another option?" And forgot that people fucking suck and see people struggling or in recovery as something that is other. Fucking ew. I never had any intention of portraying Mikey other than the really fucking good brother he is, who also just so happens to be struggling. Don't applaud a fish for swimming! People are people and they should be written as fuckin' people!!!! But I am glad my portrayal was appreciated none the less. YOU'RE NOT DRAMATIC!!

Of COURSE you can be added!! Though I will say, sometimes it doesn't always work when I tag people. So I am. sorry. I think it's something in tumblr settings? Gotta set your shit public or taggable or something? regardless. i'll fuckin put your name in there for sure!! thank you for your thoughts m'love!!

back to packing.... desk or closet desk or closet.... flipped a coin i got desk mannnn... wish me luck!! do i have anything from chapter 14 i can give you?

is this spoilery? c'est la vie, take it. kisses kisses see you in ideally less than an hour when i finish desk packing.

[martsonmars]

[wrote most of this last January — I'm not deleting the tags but LOL — and I'm not changing my answers — not even the last time I cried — but I'll add stuff]

15 Questions 15 People

Thanks @nausikaaa @johnwgrey @shrekgogurt @raenestee @yellobb @stitchyqueer @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @prettylightsbigcity @sillyunicorn and at least two more people (whose notifications were eaten by Tumblr) for the tags! I love being tagged in these games even though I don't always participate. [And now it just took me a year...]

I almost didn't participate this time either because I don't like some of the questions, but I really wanted to answer a couple of them so here we are 😂 It'll likely be long so...

[Tagging @onepintobean @brilla-brilla-estrellita @palimpsessed @ileadacharmedlife @technetiumai @thewholelemon @youarenevertooold @iamamythologicalcreature @ic3-que3n @theearlgreymage @messofthejess @theimpossibledemon @artsyunderstudy @cutestkilla @valeffelees. That's 15! If you played last year you can ignore me or play again.]

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not really? Definitely not after a relative (thank god, I'm not a fan of it), but:

a) my mother's religious enough that biblical Marta was on her mind. She used to say that if she had another girl she wanted to call her Miriam, and it wouldn't have happened anyway because when we thought my brother would be a girl — before that “uh there's a penis here” that made me cry because I was used to being a single child by then, and I was already so upset to get a sibling that at least I wanted a sister — I fought for the name Emma, but she did want to play a vague Martha&Mary game. (My brother got a religion-inspired name too, anyway.)

b. there's a song by one of her favourite singers that's called Marta che parla con Dio (I love this song so much!) and she always mentioned it when I asked about my name

c. Marta Abba was an actress and the muse of my mother's favourite writer. I always say that I'm named after her because I like the idea.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I don't remember when I last cried properly (not because I never cry but because I cry too often) but the last time I had to fight tears because I was in public and almost failed was two days ago.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope! I'm baby myself. I used to say I absolutely didn't want kids but now my stance is more “we'll see what happens”. Kids feel like too much — I'm always exhausted when I have to take care of my brother (who's almost 11 now, so not a baby, and still requires so much time and energy) and spending a week with my 3yo cousin reminded me of how it is when they're younger — and I'm not sure I'd want to devote such a big part of my life and my days to someone who, at least at first, would need me so much. But I love kids. I usually joke and say that I love them as long as they're someone else's and they go home at the end of the day, but I think I'd like having my own kid. I want to believe I'd be a good parent. But I definitely don't want to birth anyone, so we'll see what more queer rights or moving to another country life brings!

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I think so? I love sarcasm, but I probably don't use it as much as I think I do.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

This is one of the questions that bothered me because I couldn't think of any physical characteristic, but then I realise that the answer is SO easy: the first thing I notice about people I interact with is whether they pass my anxiety's vibe check.

(What I notice about people I don't interact with is whether they'd be good fancasts. The only faces I remember among all the people I've seen in 3 months of classes in person are: potential Shep fancast & potential fem Baz fancast.) (They're friends btw.)

6. What’s your eye color?

Brown. (I almost found a way to turn this answer into 15 paragraphs too, but I'll spare you.)

7. Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings for sure. I'm not a fan of scary movies in general (can't see the appeal), but I'll always pick happy endings. Though I can bear sad movies better than sad books, probably because everything's faster.

8. Any special talents?

I'll skip this one. Not because I don't think I have any special talents, but because what's a talent? What's special? Honestly my special talent is not being able to answer this kind of question about myself (along with “describe yourself in 3 adjectives” and shit like that).

9. Where were you born?

Wouldn't you like to know.

10. What are your hobbies?

I am, sadly, pretty inconsistent about hobbies. The ones that never leave are reading and writing (even when I had my 3 year long writer's block, writing was still at the top of my mind), but other than those two I have a wide variety of hobbies that come and go. Mostly because if I don't master a skill immediately I give up, and so I keep picking hobbies up and then abandoning them and then picking them up again. I'd probably be happier if I stopped wasting so much time on my phone and dedicated more time to getting better at some of these hobbies I've tried, but alas, my brain cannot be coerced into it.

December edit: learned and learning to crochet and I have a feeling this hobby will stay.

11. Do you have any pets?

Nope. I probably wouldn't want a pet that can move around, or one I'd have to touch (I assume you have to touch most pets somehow... but when I helped my aunt with her fish I didn't have to touch them because she had a little net I could use to move them when cleaning was needed, and it was great, so I could probably handle something like that). I'd also be sad about their lifespan.

Honestly, I'll probably only have a pet if someone I live with will have or strongly want one.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I did ballet from age 4 to age 11, then I let them fat shame me away from it. I probably would've quit after middle school anyway, but I wish I hadn't let them make me feel like shit about my body because I really love ballet, and I was the best of my group (the examiner from the Royal Academy of Dance said so twice.), and we were going to try point shoes the next year, and I was just a chubby kid.

Then I did archery for 2/3 years in high school. I quit because I felt like I didn't have enough time to do it AND study, and so I didn't want to commit to it to the point of buying my own bow, and the equipment my trainer gave me for free wasn't good enough that my skills could improve past a certain point, and so I got frustrated with it. I'd like to pick it up again someday.

(I almost googled whether ballet is a sport because I feel like a lot of people would say it isn't for different reasons, but then I decided that I don't care. It counts as a sport to me.)

13. How tall are you?

174 cm, I think. Maybe 173. 5’8”?

14. Favorite subject at school?

Oh boy. I could spend hours on this, I'm such a swot (which is why my current struggles with studying hurt so much! I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd struggle with the only thing I used to be the best at, and yet here we are).

I think my favourite subjects to study are things like history and law. I also love languages so much and I need structure to study them (I struggle to be consistent and practice on my own). I loved scientific subjects and kinda miss them occasionally. I loved all the literature/social sciences classes I've had in my life but most of them are mostly stuff I like to read about and don't really want to study.

[December comment: I didn't post this in January because I didn't finish answering this question. I still don't want to finish because it's too much. I just want to say that there's a difference between subjects I like in general and subjects I like to study, and I think the two categories intersect in the fields of history, languages and law.]

15. Dream job?

There are two wolves inside of me.

The wolf that wants to leave a very specific mark in the world, which is the reason why I'm studying politics. I am not saying that politics are the way (or the only way) to change the world. I'm not even saying I want to be a politician. But there is in me the desire to do something for the world from this point of view, be it through writing or activism or NGOs or European/international institutions and organisations or the government. I'm currently [December] planning to write my bachelor thesis in International Law and talk about the regulation of AI, and my professor says this is a field that's creating more job opportunities and isn't yet as saturated as the human rights job market, so maybe this is something to pursue.

And the wolf that wants to stay in my little bubble and write fiction. Or translate books (though I don't think I'd actually want to be a translator. It's a shitty job). Have a nice house and a family and forget about the world.

I know these aren't necessarily mutually exclusive (in the sense that both could be possible at different times), but I'm not sure what will prevail. I guess it also depends on the jobs I will find when I'm done studying.

I agree with who said they want a job they like well enough but that leaves them time and energy to pursue their actual dreams. Work doesn't have to be your dream, it can be just work. But maybe I'll turn my dreams into work and have more, different dreams in my private life. We'll see!

[thisismehappy]

I saw your tags on the West Wing post and I am not lying when I say you totally gave me one of my Christmas wishes. I said to my girlfriend how honestly, I just hoped that my work had touched someone and one of my older readers might come out of the woodwork. So I am not kidding when I say that it totally made me tear up.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

May your holidays be gentle and I hope you are finding joy in reading.

Ah! Thank you for sending this! I realized after I posted it that it was a maybe a dumb way to wave hello at you since I'd have no way to know if you even saw it. So I'm really glad to hear from you. 💜

I think your WW work didn't make it through your migration to AO3 so I'm just going off 15+ year old memories here so forgive me if I've muddied some of the details. The main thing I recall is being OBSESSED with the way you wrote CJ. I think what happened was that you had written a few fics for CJ/Danny because that was my main pairing. But I was so in love with those fics that when I was done I had to read everything you'd ever written for the show.

The thing that really stands out in my mind is the way you wrote CJ/Toby though. My recollection is that the way you wrote that pairing was so lovely and felt so real that it changed my whole perspective of the characters and reshaped my understanding of the show's canon. I'm pretty sure you wrote a story where CJ had a miscarriage that I still occasionally think about when I want to cry about West Wing.

I think there were some other pairings as well. I want to say probably CJ/Simon but I can't remember exactly what (maybe just mentioned). *Maybe* CJ/Abbey because I didn't read a lot of that and some of my memories seem to have a vegawriters colored hue over them. There's a little CJ/Leo moment that I associate with you I think as well. Where he told her if they lost the election he'd take her to the beach. I have a little vision in my brain of him getting a padded envelope on election night with her bikini in it and a note that just said "shame". I think maybe I made up that moment though just based on the story. Again, I'm not 100% sure that was yours, but it just feels connected in my head.

I'm like 85% sure I was 19 when I read your stories which would be 17 years ago. Even if every detail I wrote up there is wrong, I do remember reading your stories and being wowed by you and the way you wrote relationships. You opened me up to the glorious mess that adult relationships could be. You showed me that strict adherence to a moral code isn't needed or even productive when telling a love story. And you made me cry excessively on more than one occasion.

All of that filled me with such affection for you and your work that I'd occasionally drop back in to your profile on FFN just to make sure you were still out there, until you weren't anymore. So when I happened to see your name here on tumblr recently I was so excited you wouldn't believe it. I'm so happy to know you're still out there and still writing and I should have told you back then. Thank you for everything! 💜💜💜

[rockinlibrarian]

Starting a fresh post because that reblogged content was getting a little long

But @stephsageek tagged me to do this (and you can GO back and read all the reblogged answers here):

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to know better and/or catch up with, then answer the questions below!

Last song: Well, "The Lonely Goatherd" is again stuck in my head since I'm still writing that chapter (I added two more sentences since last time I mentioned it!). I haven't had music on this morning, so the last song I actually listened to was when my clock radio went off, and it was on this eighties r&b ballad I don't know the name of and can't remember the artist, either, but the guy keeps belting out what I think is "find one hundred ways," except my brain always processes it as "five one hundred ways" and I'm always like "why can't he just say five hundred ways like a normal person? Or fifty-one hundred?" and it probably ruins the earnest effect he was going for.

Oh, I guess actually the last song I listened to was that cool stringed instrument I reblogged last.

Three ships: Huh. Five/Viktor is really the biggest I've interacted with lately. And since I am still reading primarily TUA fic the only other (and this time CANONICAL!) ship I'm into there is Lila and Diego (sorry, @stephsageek, I've gone and split up your main ship into two separate ships in response to your own post, oh well!) (I grant you, Five and Lila are my favorite BROTP (ironic turn of phrase there), but that's not what we're talking about. I don't think). So let me cast my nets for whatever are my Biggest Ships of All Time instead, which would be... Howl and Sophie? Yeah, they'd do. You could instead name a property and I'd tell you who (if any) I ship within it. Who else have I written for on AO3? Oh, Melanie and Oliver Bird. Do I ship them or are they just being them (even though that is a flat-out romcom-tagged fic)? The only other non-Gen fic I have there is Tesseract, which will go into the workings of Alex and Kate Murry's marriage a bit quite romantically by my standards, but still isn't really SHIPPING. --I'm not a big shipper, if you couldn't tell, but I DO have ships I care about out there, I promise.

First ever ship: Speaking of the Murrys, Meg and Calvin

Currently Reading: The Astonishing Chronicles of Oscar from Elsewhere, by Jaclyn Moriarty, which has set me off on my how much I just love Jaclyn Moriarty and why don't more people know her raving again. I swear every single character in her books has ADHD and it makes it such a weirdly comfortable world to live in. My kids are like "I KNOW THAT FEELING!" every two paragraphs. She's just so creative and has SUCH a way with chararacters. I'm not fixing that typo, I like it.

Currently watching: I'm actually not sure when the last time I watched ANYTHING was. Not counting videos of cool psychedelic stringed instruments on Tumblr. And cat videos. My son playing Splatoon is what's usually on the TV in the living room, but I wouldn't say I watch all that closely. I just hum along to the music and annoy him.

Currently consuming: Aldi's brand mini wontons mixed with leftover Thai noodles, because why limit oneself to one inauthentic Asian cuisine at a time?

Last movie: again with the What DID I last watch question, which I think means I haven't watched a movie since New Years, the last one of which was STILL (since last I answered the What movie did I last watch question) Arsenic and Old Lace. I got The Music Man out of the library recently because I was quoting "Trouble" at the kids and they didn't know what I was talking about so I have to educate them, but I haven't actually put it ON yet.

Currently craving: Shockingly, not much of anything. Maybe because I just had lunch. Maybe peppermint just to counteract the wontons and Thai noodles.

Tags: do I even know nine people? I don't even know who actually follows me. I'm going to go ahead and tag the last nine people that have interacted with me here, not counting @stephsageek unless she wants to answer all these questions again. @frimframs, @joasakura, @dannypageoflight (that's my brother), @sunnymarbles (that's my youngest kid), @rj-anderson (that's a quite successful author, I don't know why I'm bothering her with this), frimfram and joasakura again, oh, @vovat (that's my friend from college), @e-louise-bates (that's one of my most long-time online friends!), @callmealx (I'm afraid I have NO idea who you are, besides I assume Alx, but that's what this meme thing is supposedly for, after all!) and @rebel-by-default. Is that nine? That's nine. Why hasn't it made Vovat a link? No, none of those suggestions are correct, Tumblr, you fail me.

[multiplekittens]

Hello. I think occasionally I will do an embarrassingly earnest long post about my reflections on whatever media I'm currently thinking about. I'll tag them with #long poast so you can mute it if you want. I'll also put most of it under a read more.

This one will be tangentially about Bocchi the Rock, but it's mostly a personal essay that uses Bocchi as a jumping off point. I'll be talking about a character who shows up late, and I think you'll be fine if you want to read but don't know shit about the character. If you want to avoid spoilers at all costs, I wouldn't read, but otherwise I think you're probably fine. I'm also gonna talk about homophobia/transphobia in the US (specifically about the "groomer" conservative trend and accompanying legislation), so be aware of that too.

I finished Bocchi the Rock months ago and while in general it was very much a "she's just like me fr" experience (like it is for a lot of people) I literally cannot stop thinking about Bocchi and Kikuri's friendship. I remember watching the second-to-last episode and seeing how Kikuri was supporting and teaching Bocchi and just treating her like a regular person, despite the fact that it was clear Bocchi was working through Issues, and just starting to cry. Even though it was not supposed to be a particularly emotionally resonant scene, it was just such a good example of how important friendships between non-related adults and kids could be, and I couldn't help but think about how that concept is being litigated to hell in the US right now.

I don't think I really need to explain on Tumblr to my 100% American followers what's happening right now, but just in case I'll summarize a bit. The current conservative push to call trans and gay people "groomers" for being around children at all while not lying about their identity is obviously extremely harmful for gay and trans people, but I also think that the accompanying stigmatization and criminalization of any non-related adult having any sort of friendship with a child is also going to be incredibly harmful to children, as well. You can see this with how teachers and librarians (not even gay and trans ones!) are treated -- those are the two positions where it's most socially acceptable for adults to interact with children regularly, and they're being accused of "brainwashing" kids just for providing them with books.

I'm worried about how this is going to affect kids, because I've been on both sides of relationships like that and I've seen how important they are. I used to tutor math in a rural southern town, and when I moved across states to where I live now so that I could finally come out as a nonbinary lesbian, I remember having to break the news to all my students that I wouldn't be teaching them anymore. I remember one fourth-grader I tutored who really only needed someone to tell her she could do math begging me not to move so I could stay and tutor her. I remember her asking for a hug after our last session, and I constantly think about what her parents would have to say about me giving it if I hadn't been closeted. I also wonder what would have happened if I went through this process just a couple years later.

Of course, I've been the child too; I remember seventh grade, when I first moved to an entire new state into a tiny K-12 school where everyone knew each other already. My twin and I started doing plays and made friends with two high school seniors, Mae and Tsuki (not their real names). Despite the fact that we were young, extremely awkward, and anxious, they were always extremely kind to us, letting us sit next to them on busses during Science Olympiad trips, exchanging emails (!), and generally letting us hang out with them even though I'm sure we were annoying, cringy, and just generally seventh graders.

Looking back, I realize they probably didn't have a great time in that school either. They were the only furries in the entire school, and at least one of them came out as bi after school was over. I'm almost certain the average adult would not have approved of our friendship, but out of everyone at that school they were the only people I ever knew who were actively encouraging of our interests; one of them even got me a piece of original film from Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, a gift I still treasure and have to this day, over a decade later. (I would go on to be bullied and othered over my love of star trek, sci-fi, and not stereotypically "girly" things for the rest of my time at that school). They made an otherwise very rocky year much more bearable, and helped me to feel that maybe I was someone who people would like to be around when I really needed that. I think there's next to no chance they could read this and I have no way to contact them, but I hope they're doing well now and I wish I could let them know how much their friendship meant to me, even now.

I think that friendship is why the relationship between Kukiri and Bocchi resonated so much with me, and why I'm heartbroken about the US trying to litigate those relationships away. While Kukiri isn't explicitly queer, a) come on of course she is and b) she's definitely not what an adult would call a "good influence." She's constantly drunk around Bocchi, sometimes offers her alcohol, takes Bocchi's money so she can buy more alcohol, and teaches her how to illegally busk. But at the same time, I know firsthand how much a "cool" adult (or nearly-adult, in my case) taking you under their wing can mean, and how much it can help low self-esteem for someone like that to believe in you when you can't even begin to believe in yourself. If US conservatives have their way, then experiences like these will disappear for good. For everyone's sake, I truly hope they don't succeed.

[lilbit-of-kizzy]

I posted 9,408 times in 2022

300 posts created (3%)

9,108 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@starry--skies

@cosmiccarrotcake

@mexicanesecat

@thepoolofthedead

@bunjywunjy

I tagged 3,054 of my posts in 2022

#iswm spoilers - 49 posts

#🤣 - 39 posts

#🤣🤣 - 38 posts

#yeah - 33 posts

#youtube - 30 posts

#markiplier - 27 posts

#lolol - 27 posts

#lmao - 26 posts

#pokemon - 24 posts

#like - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#btw i’m aware that all of these are just mark in other universes and would also probably just be called mark too lol this was just for fun~

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Just like the chair!

110 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

#4

God Irida is such a mood 😂

151 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

#3

Eric: Have you heard Ariel sing? *dreamy sigh* also my favorite things for today are: Potato, Mashed potatoes, and a stick! *plays flute*

Me:....yeah you're still my favorite

259 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

#2

Anyone wanna tell me, why Disney thought it was ok to go The Edge of Sleep levels of dark???

Spoilers below the cut

Minnie spent how long, wandering a colorless, sightless, soundless, empty landscape??? Telling herself over and over again "I have to find Mickey!" until that's literally all she remembered????? Not her name, her very being, or even who Mickey actually was, just literally only the words "I have to find Mickey"

Disney wtf

283 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey YouTube did a stupid!!

Y'all know Ann Reardon? The woman who does all those fantastic debunking videos?

Well she posted a video on the extreme dangers of fractal wood burning (don't effing do it) annnnd YouTube, in their infinite wisdom, took down the video because it "promoted dangerous actions"......hello????

Did they take down other fractal wood burning videos? Nope! Did they wait until she was #3 on the search for it, and had many many comments about how she just saved someone's life or thanking her because the commenter knew someone who had died? Yep!!

So if you wouldn't mind helping to raise this video up the ranks, she explains what happened and how much good the other video did, before basically telling YouTube to suck it (and risking a channel strike) by reinserting the footage telling why that type of wood burning is so dangerous.

I'd post the video in this post, but I'm not sure how views are calculated when watched through Tumblr. And algorithmically it's better if you also could like and comment on the vid (I know it's ridiculous but hey it helps stick it to YouTube's insanity)

Here's the link again!! It's also just really informative and deserves a watch!

Edit: The video is back up!!! Great job everyone 😄😄

Edit the 2nd: I can turn off reblogs on a post that already has reblogs o.O that....will probably be happening tomorrow!! I adore the fact that this blew up because it definitely needed to but my brain and notes are suffering 😅

13,929 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gigglemugger]

Transformations.

Fandom: Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat.

Pairing: Robert Van Helsing/Sandy White.

Synopsis:

In which Sandy tells how she became a vampire in the first place. Sandy character study babey!

Part of a larger fanfic I got bits and pieces written for, in which I make this pairing sad :(

The original name was Apollon Emos: The Ballad of Robert and Sandy (like Daytripper, my other fanfic for a different fandom, I'm keeping a theme here) so when I post the entire work, if ever, I'll incorporate this into that OR change this into that. Not sure yet.

Word Count: 1,208 (v short).

AO3 Tags: Domestic Fluff, Character Study, Fluff and Angst. Nothing major, nothing explicit, they are in bed but they're about to go to sleep. No coffins cause people got curtains.

CW: Death. Stalking.

AO3 link.

Notes:

Ok, so, it’s already a habit of the writer to get silly little movies or worlds and write something extensively TOO DEEP for the source material, whatever you take for deep, etc. In this case, I took these characters and boy did I RUN with them. Like, can you even say they’re OOC if they have at most like 10 min of screen time? I don't think so. Anyway, yeah. The thing about this is that the plan was to do a whole character study of these two called Apollon Emos, in which I make this movie sad! It never materialized, but I have bits written, and I might still turn this into that (and make alterations). I'll decide it later. This is, in any case, a short excerpt of it. I'm on tumblr @gigglemugger. Tell me if you read this cause my God. It's the most obscure Fandom since the Evil Clergyman.

Robert asked Sandy about where she died. Sandy said it was a place far away from Purgatory, a church where she had gone to light a candle for herself.

She had been walking the halls of the little wooden place, incidentally the same as where she had been baptized, and she had been crying, because she felt it was the only place where crying was acceptable. At home, she was chipper. Here, she accepted that it felt like defeat to come back. He listened to her story patiently.

It happened right before the war was over, when having Veronica Lake hair was still fashionable. Sometime around nineteen forty… Three? Either way, she had the same sort of makeup that she wears everyday—Victory red lipstick, a little bit of eyeshadow for effect—but the clothes were a bit different. Looking back now, she knew that the church was a place where she wouldn't be looked down upon for it, as long as there weren't any faithful servants praying on the benches. To them, she'd probably look like a whore.

She remembered there was no wind, or overhead lights, or even a priest that she could talk to, but there was a row of candles.

"I looked at the saints and the figures for a while," she continued, thinking about it for the first time in a long while."I wanted to ask them why they didn't make me into an actress. I wanted to be one so bad, but Los Angeles was just horrible, and I just didn’t have what it took to live out there. I overworked, I auditioned. I did go to Paramount to try out for a small part as an extra, but I got beat and I think that was the last straw."

“Anyway, the saints didn’t answer, so I lit a candle and walked out. I was really religious back then, which is something I came back and forth on afterwards I guess… (here, she hugged her knees) Anyway, I looked around and the streets were empty, so the plan was to walk home to my parents. My mom was cooking dinner. I was a bit underdressed, so it was cold; I remember that for some reason; and there was this guy who was stalking me." Robert perked up, the yellow light of the lamp on their nightstand illuminating her blonde hair and his naked torso, the white satin sheets rippling around him.

"Stalking you?" Sandy nodded.

"Yeah, he had been doing that since I arrived. It wasn't the first time that I had been stalked," she admitted, and his jaw clenched almost imperceptibly to anyone else but Sandy, who was becoming really good at telling these things about Robert. She laughed it off, "It was 30 years ago, hardly anything to write home about now, but it worried me. I mean I was right to be worried, he turned me into a vampire. I don't think he meant to, though."

“Anyway, I kept walking, looking for a police officer, but there weren’t any, because my town was really small. Bigger than Purgatory, but definitely much smaller than L.A. I walked faster, but you know it was no use. He got me a little bit before I got home. When he was over, he left me on the sidewalk. I woke up in the morgue. I think everyone thought I was dead, so they called the police, which then zipped me up. No autopsy, so I knew it was just a few hours later because some of the films I auditioned for included noir crime movies and the scripts were always more brutal than the finished products. I remember I was terrified and hungry. I got up and I had to contend with the fact that not only was I not dead, I was also naked,” she laughed a sort of hysterical little laugh. “It was bad.”

“I got out discreetly, realized I could do that, you know, be sneaky in an inhuman way, which was shocking, and when I came home my mom screamed. It was awful. Not only that, I was religious because of them, so you can imagine the sort of names they called me, both of my parents. Demon was the nicest. And they smelled great too…” Sandy had a morbid sense of humor, but even she couldn’t deliver this joke well enough, so it fell limp between them. Robert just stated, so she continued. “I made it to my room, took my stuff and left. That was the last time I saw my parents, or that town.”

They were silent. She had almost forgotten where she was—in her bed, in her house, with her, for all intents and purposes, boyfriend of two weeks, far away from nineteen forty three?—when he spoke again.

"Do you ever fear he might turn up in Purgatory?"

"Oh, I don't have to fear that," she said, bubbly again. He glanced at her, enquiring with his eyes. "Don't worry, he's dead."

"How do you know?” She smiled a little humble smile, pointing at herself with both hands.

"I got him quick enough," she clarified when he looked confused. "I killed a few people… You know that already. I killed a lot of people.” He nodded. That made sense, of course, but she knew it wasn’t easy for him to completely accept it. He would never have to kill for food, after all. That sort of thing was in the past. “Anyway, this guy wasn't very good at hiding. He knew the police around where I was from was incompetent, and he kept killing there. I think he was the only vampire I killed up until… You know. When he saw I was alive, he even smiled a little, said it was nice I found my way back to him, like a pretty little prize. I think he said he followed me all the way from L.A., but I don’t remember, I was so mad I just killed him. It felt good. I didn’t wanna be a vampire. I didn’t think of myself as a demon, like my parents, or even Mardulak seemed to, but I definitely thought of myself as a monster. I tried to hold myself back from drinking blood for as long as I could, then I fell on eating criminals… What most of our kind does when they are sentimental, I suppose.”

"Yeah," Robert said and laid back down. There were a few things that he didn't yet understand about Sandy, but he was starting to get there. More than that, he knew that these things only made him like her more. Even through the killing? The bloodsucking? He thought, but said something else out loud, "Wasn't he older? Stronger?" She shrugged.

"He wasn’t that much older, maybe months? Also, I was a woman. He had his guard down." Robert nodded, and then smiled, cocky.

"Well, too bad,” he said, now moving up to put his arms around her, who laid her head on his chest gladly. “I'd love to have gotten him myself.”

"I'm sure," she answered with a smile, looking up at his face, observing it without the glasses. "Don't worry, though, I got it."

[dearfeathers--lovelaz]

To My Dearest Feathers,

I don't know why I'm doing this. Why I made a tumblr specifically for this. Why I'm addressing this journal to you. I guess it's just easier to write things down when I pretend somebody still cares enough to read it. And considering most of the stuff on my mind recently is you, your name just kind of became the default.

I probably shouldn't even address it as 'my' dearest Feathers... You aren't mine anymore, after all. Doesn't change the fact that you're still the dearest thing to me, though. It's been a month and a half since you left and yet you still effect everything I do. Everything I think.

Everything just makes me sad now. There isn't a part of my life you didn't touch. I can't even finish watching Gravity Falls or Adventure Time. Can't listen to The Adventure Zone. Can't bring myself to listen to The Magnus Protocol, simply because you were the entire reason I even listened to The Magnus Archives in the first place. I've been trying to watch Hazbin Hotel but honestly that somehow reminds me of you, too. Even animals make me sad now...

Work has been... stressful. I nearly lost my job the day you left. I couldn't focus enough to hit the target productivity. I've finally managed to get it above goal the past couple of weekends, but it was difficult. You were always good at hyping me up and making me proud of my accomplishments... Now it's just another day at work.

I've lost some weight. I guess that's a good thing. I don't know if it's due to all of the walking at work, or because I cut back on soda and have been drinking more water, or if it's honestly just the stress. But I hope it's not the last one. You would've been proud of me, I hope...

I bought myself a giant stuffed animal for Valentine's Day. The tag said it's a brown dog, but I personally think it's a fox, and everyone who's seen it agrees. I hope it's a fox, anyway... Then I can pretend it doesn't remind me of Alouis sometimes. It was a treat for myself... something I can snuggle without constantly thinking of you. I haven't bothered to name it. You were always better at coming up with names for them...

Amy won't come out of her room. I don't really blame her. The one time she did she ended up seeing a post of artwork of Lois Lane and Superman... Needless to say she went back inside and hasn't come out since. Andy's making sure she still takes care of herself... Not like they're doing the same for themselves.

I hope you're doing well. I really do. Sometimes I wonder if you ever actually loved me... If you ever even cared at all. Honestly I'm kind of hoping you didn't... I wouldn't wish this heartache on you. Is that stupid of me? To hope that you leaving didn't also hurt you, like it did me? Am I supposed to be angry at you for leaving? I guess I am, sometimes... But more often than not I'm just sad, or numb. I just wish I could stop crying. Could enjoy the things I used to, without remembering that you are the reason I even partook in them. But it isn't that simple to move on. To forget.

Anyway... I doubt you'll ever see this. But if you do, you can always come back. You know me... I'm a bleeding heart. I will always be here when you need me. You know where to find me if you change your mind.

Love Always,

Laz

February 29th, 2024

[fictionkinfessions]

I'm like 95% sure one of my asks got eaten by Tumblr so I'm going to try to recreate it lol. Apologies if I just didn't see it (I did search the source tag on this blog and have sent in other asks after the original version of this one which at least one of has been posted so I am pretty sure but my brain is weird and will never be 100% certain of anything).

Me, in a Jaskier mood: Wouldn't it be nice to just... Not speak? People expect me to speak because they know I can but they don't know how hard it is for me, and I did so much of it when I was Jaskier, I deserve to be nonverbal for a while but nooo, people are-

My brain: Remember that time you were Geralt's Child Surprise and you were almost entirely nonverbal?

Me:

My brain:

Me: Fuck. I was trans, too, wasn't I.

My brain: Yep. I don't have the name you used but I do recall that Calanthe helped because you were too young to express yourself when your parents went away.

Me: It's nice that she was supportive.

My brain: I mean, yeah, but others really didn't follow her example. Also she didn't fully Get the way you communicated because it was mostly not sign language, some of it was but not a lot. She knew there were meanings behind things but couldn't quite get from there to what the meanings were unless they were obvious. And most people didn't even get that far.

Me: Geralt must have, right?

My brain: Oh yeah, absolutely, you two did this thing where you put one hand on his chest and the other on your own and he put his hands over yours, it was super meaningful and cute.

Me: Wait but this means I was effectively Ciri.

My brain: I mean yes in the sense that Ciri has your deadname from that life and basically was the girl everyone expected you to be. But no in the sense that you were not very much like her. Aside from being stubborn, the whole training bit went basically the same except you didn't actually speak. The Witchers were actually not terrible about trying to understand you.

Me: But some of them were jerks about me being a boy who wore dresses. Especially since I wasn't AMAB.

My brain: Well yeah but I'm pretty sure Geralt and Triss set them straight.

Me: I feel like Emhyr was kind of given an unfair start with me, though it was at least partly his fault for trying to have me kidnapped, who does that to their own kid?! But it wasn't fair that he was effectively competing with the ghost of Duny. Like, yeah, they were the same person, but in my brain, Duny was my dad who'd died, Emhyr was the guy who wanted me kidnapped.

My brain: I guess that was a little unfair but again, kidnapping. Bad.

[short-rain]

15 Questions for 15 People

(this mad me get back into tumblr lololol i love this i replied in my head earlier but then soon realized you wouldn't be able to see that)

i was tagged by @fategoflatass

Are you named after anyone? personally i was named after my aunty but now the whole family doesn't like her so i guess i'm the only one now T.T

When was the last time you cried? when bts enlisted or when my laptop broke those were terrible times lmao

Do you have kids? let me be a young gangsta!

What sports do you play/have you played? i absolutely HATE moving my body so there is no way in hell that i will ever do a sport i've never even stepped foot in a gym all i do is cook and clean (i'm embarrassing)

Do you use sarcasm? people have JUST started getting mad at me for it and honestly they need to stop

What's the first thing you notice about people? their lips (i'm a bad person)

What's your eye color? VERY VERY dark brown that i thought it was black for half my lip but i'm just stupid

Scary movies or happy endings? i don't even remember the last time i watched a scary movie so i would just choose happy endings because when something doesn't have a happy ending i will quite literally flip

Any talents? i'm a good writer and i'm a good drawing but these days i haven't been doing that as much so i'm not sure if it counts but HEAVY on the writing part

Where were you born? senegalll!!! but i'm in america now specifically florida for obvious reasons, i can't get a good education with a good job there so i was forced to learn the english language at like 6 or something and move here but it's okay, i was quad lingual for a time, now i'm studying korean so that's a addition

What are your hobbies? reading.. writing... drawing... watching movies... anything involving paper... or and did i mention reading?

Do you have any pets? nope. i'm a simple gal who is not allowed to have pets cause my mother has the fear that i'm going to murder it? somehow idk lol

How tall are you? i'm 5'4 and i've been that since 4th grade since i was an early bloomer lol. 5'4 might be tall in some countries but when i tell you i've been the tallest in my grade since i was born... floridians need to grow

Favorite subject at school? i loveee english i'm just so amazing at it and it's so easy to me sometimes i wonder, how are these people failing english (83% of my school failed the big exams, i was one of 15 kids who somehow passed and i got the highest grade and yes, i'm bragging)

What is your dream job? why was this literally the hardest question of this so called survey LMAO but yeah... idk and please don't ask me this question as i am very confused on what i would like to be! in fact i have a few things in mind but they are kinda embarrassing so i'd rather not share but if those things don't work out i would definitely settle for being a pediatrician!

not tagging anybody because i physically cannot remember any of my mutuals for my dear life except for my dearest @fategoflatass thank you for the questions btw!!!

15 Questions for 15 People

(I was tagged on something, yay!)

I was tagged by @serekan

Are you named after anyone?

Kind of? My mom took the name from a model's daughter she saw on a magazine.

When was the last time you cried?

I think yesterday? When did Overtake end?

Do you have kids?

Bro, I'm twenty. Let me breath!

What sports do you play/have you played?

I did volley during secondary school, does that count?

Do you use sarcasm?

Quite a lot, and I trying to quit it.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their existence.

What's your eye color?

Brown, a dark-ish tone.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I don't really watch scary movies, and happy endings are cool depending on the series/movie. I prefer the angsty ones, though.

Any talents?

It seems I'm good at learning languages? If that doesn't count, them I'm pretty good at fucking things up.

Where were you born?

Argentina!

What are your hobbies?

Watching anime, playing Sims 2, anything that involves spending time with my best friend and learning languages.

Do you have any pets?

I have the oldest and most annoying red-haired poodle at home (I love him, even though he won't shut up right now).

How tall are you?

I'm 1.63cm (5'4''?). Have been for years and yes, I'm bitter about that.

Favorite subject at school?

English (such fun class and fav teacher EVER), Music (so much fun, teacher had big bro vibes), Literature (kudos to the teacher who allowed me to take my sweet time (three weeks instead of one) on that one creative writing asigment) and History (teacher was literally our second father wth).

What is your dream job?

At-home literary translator. 💖

Tagging @arataka-reigen, @keithmelance, @iwantflyingpigs and @short-rain (don't have many mutuals, sorry 🙏). Y'all are not forced to do it!

[yandere-romanticaa]

question: you're a big blog and everything so im a bit curious. Is the yandere side of tumblr comparably friendlier than other sides? like I'm always seeing discourse on other blogs and they tend to get into fights, while the yan side is just chilling. But I'm also aware that I don't have that large of a following and I don't really follow many blogs, so I'm kind of sheltered in away? Idk, what's your thoughts on the yandere tumblr community? At least, the genshin one

I noticed this too and now that you put it in words I'd say you're right!!

Something I noticed about dark content creators is how most are incredibly open about everything they do and are always willing to discuss anything and everything, I'm not even sure I can name someone who wouldn't welcome you with open arms. It also needs to be said that we're aware that what we are writing for wouldn't fly irl under any circumstance but that's what makes this so fun, it's literally just pure fantasy and everyone is here to indulge. If yandere or anything similar to that just isn't your thing you just walk away!

The Genshin community heavily depends on the platform. I'm strictly speaking from my PERSONAL experience but the worst one I'd say is on Twitter (come on guys...), Instagram is just chilling, drawing fan art although I've seen some dumb comments that shouldn't even be there despite the creator tagging everything accordingly 🙃 As for Tumblr it gets weird, hear me out on this one and you're more than welcome to tell me if I'm wrong BUT I feel like the Genshin fandom here (at least some people) have these weird unfulfilled desires and they themselves aren't sure what they are. They take comfort in the characters but whenever something goes wrong by THEIR book then it's time to witch hunt and whatnot. Tumblr is also a beehive of assholes who think they're better than you simply because they think they're on the moral high ground thus making them qualified to judge others. I once wrote something for Kaeya who falls for an older woman and in the end it's implied that he assaults her. I tagged it accordingly and most people really liked it but I got an ask calling me an ableist and that I should "grow up" for using the "r word". Considering that this hellsite really IS a hellsite I'm honestly shocked with how positive my experience on here was. I think I received maybe one (1) death threat, that ask I mentioned before and probably some weird stuff I can't be bothered to remember but other than that my entire Tumblr experience has been nothing other than heavenly. People here were so kind and good to me, not to mention friendly and welcoming, just very amazing people in general whom I all wish nothing but the best in their lives, and I mean it. I hope they're healthy, happy, eating good food and drinking well, I want all of their dreams to come true and everything in between. I can't begin to describe just how good people can be and that goodness really does trump all of the nonsense in between. Everything I've said has been highly subjective and just my own personal thoughts, so take it with a grain of salt because it's always different for everyone.

[shimenchus]

...I haven't seen a single toku blog receive any ask about a thea someone? And I follow quite a lot. So unless you're hanging out in some really weird circle of it... (after all, due to various reasons, toku tumblr is more like a bunch of bubbles instead of one monolith.)

What I HAVE seen are a lot of them still reblogging satoryuga's gifsets with positive tags, even to this day. From what I understand, most of them are pretty sure that she isn't a terf, and are against the re-uploader. However, they're not sure who is behind it. And judging by how this re-uploader has the means to doxx extremely personal info of random Tumblr users and create loads of sockpuppets, anything is possible. (For all we know, that person could be the re-uploader, or it could be some distraction to hide the real re-uploader's identity.)

This is also why--out of the fans I've spoken to--they've been trying to deal with the situation quietly (reporting hate comments, leaving supportive DMs to satoryuga, etc). We've already seen from the re-uploader's 2nd blog post (where they @ 'd a few people that were against the re-uploader for different reasons) that they're willing to threaten others too. If anything, I think the more accurate thing to do is ask why they would @ those users in particular (since by @ -ing them, they're turning those bloggers into targets). Clearly the re-uploader sees those people as either threats or easy targets to have beef with.

i'm not hanging out in any weird circles i promise you, everyone i follow in the fandom are just other girls who like sentai. yesterday i saw quite a few people getting told to "block and dni" with thea-nymo which is the real account of the reuploader if you didn't know that, there were even people outside of the fandom getting asks which makes no sense because people who don't know what sentai is definitely wouldn't know who satoryuga is lol

i get the fear around the doxxing, i don't think anybody should be forced to do anything they're uncomfortable with and if there's people in the fandom who aren't liking or making shady posts about satoryuga and have privately reached out to her because that's what they're comfortable with then that's great, more power to them.

i mean, i never in my life got so many grown adults telling me to get graphically and violently raped and murdered until i called them out on harassing satoryuga, i know most people would not have the stomach for that kind of stuff so i fully understand the ones who don't want to openly say anything.

but the ones who are leaning into the "i'm not looking at any evidence because someone told me satoryuga = bad = she should get raped and murdered because i can't think for myself" crowd can find a tall tree to get caught up in.

and most of the people that got @ by the reuploader weren't people who against him, it was people he was against lol considering neckspike got @ and that loser was the first person starting the "this is a hoax none of this is real it's a psychop" stuff against satoryuga.

i think stacaesar and diamondsketches are the only people who got @ that the reuploader was purposely trying to draw attention to, to get the cult to attack them too, because much like satoryuga, neither of them did anything wrong.

neckspike and whatever that artist's name was (they blocked me after calling me a crackhead so i don't remember lmao) are super anti-satoryuga and couldn't make a single argument against her/against the people supporting her without resorting to racism and misogyny, so if anybody sent those two even 1 threat... well, babygirl that's on them lol

thanks for the nice message though, i wasn't expecting someone else from the fandom to see it and give a response like this that wasn't another rape threat/"slit your wrists terf" type message.