#i'm not sure i succeeded.. could i have done more? definitely but i'm still learning digital drawing

[a-s-levynn]

dripping like gold on a ruin of a soul

[ageless-aislynn]

A few thoughts about Mass Effect Legendary Edition as a whole now that I'm done with my first playthrough:

ME2 was by far the hardest for me in terms of combat. I played the entire time on Casual/Narrative and only died a few times in ME1 (mainly because I wasn't used to the weapons and power mechanics) and died 3 times in ME3 (I got turned around and took a one-hit kill Reaper laser beam to the face... twice 😑 and once because I didn't stop to listen to what the other characters were saying and just rushed over to jump down into what turned out to be a pit of radiation and dropped dead 😱🤷‍♀️😉).

But I died waaaay more times than I could count in ME2. I kept checking that I did have the difficulty down as far as possible because the enemies remained aggressive and numerous. I'm sure it was also a good helping of User Error Skill Issue but it still just seemed like a much harder game than the other two. I'm looking forward to trying it again, though, now that I've learned more about best powers and weapons for my playstyle! (Charge + Nova for up close, Shockwave or Slam for at a distance, N7 Valkyrie, M-12 Locust and Black Widow V, all with incendiary ammo 😎👍)

I don't have any doubt that, not only does Liara love Shepard, she's in love with him. But (since I've been careful to not take the flirt options since I didn't want to lead her on) she never mentions it outright, other than back in ME1 when she first told him that she thought there was something more between them. I mean, the poor thing is literally looking across to where Shep was just sitting with Kaidan, discussing their feelings and getting that romance going! But all she does is say that she wishes they could spend more time together... as friends.

But, here's the thing. No matter how much the others in ME1 cared about Shepard, Liara couldn't accept his death. Not only did she go to considerable effort to make sure his body was recovered, she didn't do it for the reasons that his other friends would have, to give him a hero's funeral.

She did it so she could try to get him resurrected. And she succeeded.

So how must she have been feeling at the end, watching his name about to go up on the memorial wall?

I just noticed that Garrus was apparently so emotional about it, he glitched completely out of the scene, lol. He's there, though. See?

Anyway, that's one of the things I really loved about these games, the characters not only feel real, they feel responsive. My Shepard was about 98% Paragon, I felt comfortable with letting him have a few Renegade moments when it felt like that was actually what he would've done. Pistol-whipping David's brother is rightfully so a Paragon action, lol, but I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't taken the Renegade prompt to kill Kai Leng because I don't care what color the prompt was, that dude was dying for what he did to Thane, grrr! *NODNOD* 🤬😉

But, point being, I liked how it felt like Shep was very loved by his friends, they weren't just loyal out of duty or fear, they cared about him because they knew he cared about them.

I loved how in the Omega DLC, Aria actually chooses mercy and name-checks Shepard as the reason why - he's rubbed off on her, lol. Only thing I was bummed about was that I didn't know that only a Renegade Shepard gets a kiss from her at the end of the mission. Boo! Paragon Shep should've at least gotten a cheek kiss, IMO.

#ParagonShepDeservesAKissFromAriaToo

(I love how she just kinda ragdolls him, lol!)

Anyway, these were a few things that I hadn't talked about so far. I'm really looking forward to playing through from the start again as Female Shepard because it'll be nice to see if I can do better now that I have some understanding of how things work, lol! 🤞😣🤞

I'm also really glad to have had my experience with Mass Effect: Andromeda to have given me at least a bit of framework to start from (ME3 definitely plays the closest to MEA and ME1 the farthest, at least to me). I actually am also really excited to play through Andromeda again, just to see if my new understanding of how to use the powers and such helps me to improve. I almost never remembered to use my squadmates powers in the OT but I can now understand why people were cheesed that you lost that ability to use them in Andromeda. The trade off, though, is that you can change your class at will in Andromeda, so you have access to a lot more powers, just not in the same way. 🤷‍♀️

In conclusion... I totally get it now. If you even remotely like sci-fi action RPGs and haven't played this, definitely do. The Legendary Edition goes on sale for a few dollars quite a bit and it's more than worth it. (So is Andromeda, too, IMO.)

Anyway, just some of my thinky thoughts. Thanks for reading and hope you're doing well, friends! 🤗💖

[shadowmaat]

Since no one's sending me prompts I guess I'll do it myself. lol

Endless- Maul, Old Guard AU

Maul is killed on Naboo and wakes up whole and alive. Most of the prequels stuff stays the same, but Maul is, for a while, convinced he's some kind of god. When he meets up with Savage he's convinced his brother is just like him, so when Savage dies and stays dead, it shatters something in him he didn't know he had. He's also captured by Palpatine and tortured/experimented upon because immortality is absolutely something that withered bastard wants.

Maul still isn't able to defeat Palps, which is another big mark against the "I'm a god" theory, but he does finally escape and goes off to lick his wounds and try to recover.

The Jedi are still wiped out, but while at first this seems like a good thing to him, there is an emptiness to existence that wasn't there before. Palpatine being in charge of the galaxy galls, and worse, he's doing a bad job of it, in Maul's opinion. It doesn't help that when Empire troopers see him they assume he's a Jedi and try to kill him. Sometimes succeeding.

One of the reasons Maul never got a chance at bettering himself is because he was too consumed with his own grievances to see past the end of his nose, but now he has an eternity to learn and eventually... he does.

Sure, part of it is still fueled by his anger at the universe, but over time he finds he likes helping others. It's strange and off-putting to encounter people who are kind to him and who don't fear him. Once upon a time he'd have been insulted, but now it's... nice. Ish.

He still backslides a lot because, well, he's Maul, but also backsliding is part of moving forward. He helps the Rebellion here and there because anyone who wants to destroy Palpatine is welcome, as far as he's concerned. If he meets the twins, he definitely favors Leia over Luke.

By the time the Sequels happen, Maul has been on the "good" end of the spectrum for a while. Maybe the lower end of it, but still good. He's absolutely not putting up with this First Order bullshit.

Lots of stuff is still the same, but I'll say Maul was fucking around on the Deth Star X-treme! so the attempt to wipe out Hosnia system partially failed. Still lots of death and destruction, but enough of the central government survives that they're forced to realize they may have made a mistake with all their waffling. Maybe.

Maul kills Snoke and is killed in return. While some underlings drag the bodies off to the incinerators, Kylo and Hux are in a standoff over who's in charge.

Maul wakes up and knocks out the troopers carrying him and Snoke, then stashes them in a room without any means of communication. See? He can learn not to kill everyone. Plus, if Fin could rebel maybe these guys will, too. Snoke burns, and Maul heads off to the reactor thingy in time to see Han talking to Kylo.

It's very important for me to note here that there is absolutely no way to excuse Kylo's choice to kill his father: with Snoke dead it is absolutely his own choice to put a saber through Han's chest. Except thanks to some timely intervention from Maul, Han is only grievously wounded instead because fuck you, Harrison Ford.

Maul taunts Kylo, saying that he's met Anakin Skywalker and can confirm that Kylo is just like him: a sniveling, spoiled brat with more hair than sense. He also says Kylo doesn't deserve the name Ben because Obi-Wan, at least, was a worthy opponent.

They fight, giving our plucky heroes time to drag Han to the safety of the ship. Kylo is all you don't understaaand, but Maul is very been there, done that, don't even have the scars to prove it.

Is there a chance Kylo could someday learn to be a better person? Maybe, but it took Maul seventy-odd years and a lot of deaths to unstubborn himself and he really isn't in the mood to take that chance.

Now. At this point it could go one of two ways: the fast solution is Maul kills Kylo and then it's just a matter of wiping out Hux and Phasma and getting Fin to help "deprogram" the troopers and dismantle the Order. OR Kylo could kill Maul and go off to have the big fight in the snow with Rey and Fin while Maul, who isn't recovering as fast as he used to, struggles to get back to the ship and trusts his apprentice(s) to handle it.

With the former the Resistance is going to realize that a First Order without Darksiders mucking things up is actually a lot more dangerous and harder to kill, though it still gets done in the end.

With the latter, the drama lasts longer and it'll be Rey who winds up killing Kylo only to get killed, herself. ...And wake up.

Either way, the trip to Luke's Sooper Seekrit Hideout includes Maul. Because I can play god with this, I'll say that Luke isn't sulking out his entire life on Ahch-To, but rather went there for Important Reasons and got stuck. He and Maul can be bickering co-Masters to Rey's training (and eventually Fin's). Maul teaches her how to create mental shields so Kylo can't intrude on her thoughts (if he's still alive).

The baddies are eventually defeated. Maul & Rey have a lot to talk about re: near-immortality. Han, Leia, Luke, and Chewie are reunited and happy to retire for good, maybe with Lando. Fin & Poe are tasked with trying to return the dozens of children saved from First Order training camps, but it's likely they're going to be raising a lot of them themselves.

Maul is finally comfortable and satisfied with the person he's become. He may not be able to change the past, but he can help shape the future. And he can try to prepare Rey for whatever may be coming next.

(Maul isn't the only immortal, just the only one relevant to this particular story)

[forlix]

HELLO SUNSHINE ! hope you are doing okay, and yes I'll send you the abstract again, I indeed had forgotten, I'm sorry! here it is:

"This study seeks to understand how multiculturalism and the question of identity influenced both the unification and the dissolution of Yugoslavia. This monograph deals with the period of pre-unification, unification itself, and after dissolution. Describing the historical issue first,with a focus on ethnic and multicultural relations in the region as determining factors for understanding events. Thus, a specific period will be dealt with during the administration of Josip Broz Tito, which lasted for forty years and succeeded in managing relatively well the conflictual situation that was the relationship between the various ethnic groups and its model of self-management, which was revolutionary for the time. Finally, it will be analyzed how the international system received such experience, the answers to the situations presented, as well as the reasons that led to the non-consolidation and permanence of the self-management process, culminating in its dissolution as of 1990. It is also necessary to show that the region was recomposed based on the criterion of the national identities present, an aspect that interfered in the correlation of regional forces, giving a new physiognomy in its political-administrative map. This leads to an understanding of the paths taken during the twentieth century."

also, sorry for he delay on the response a lot of things happened but now it's kinda okay, so I get to write and read for this week! once I'm done and posted the jeongin story I'll send your way so you can read it if you want, I'll never pressure you 💜

thank you for always be this kind and loving! you deserve more than the words I could ever write. I hope you have a good day/night, and that only the best reach your way! everyone deserves good thing happening their way, good people deserve it even more! thank you for making your page a safe place to anyone that may come by. please take care of yourself okay? 💜

-🐼

helloooo my panda anon, my sunshine, my min to my lix :') did you see the tiktok they made together recently? i thought of you hehe we are so cute

this abstract is SO INTERESTING, are you kidding me? i wish i had more to say about it but i know little to nothing about yugoslavia; thank you for piquing my interest in learning more about this topic. but i definitely have much to say about the topics of multiculturalism and the question of identity, which are becoming more important the more globalized the world becomes. i'm american, and so much of our population comprises immigrants or the descendants of immigrants that it's a quintessential part of living here to embrace and engage with different cultures and identities, yet diversity and inclusivity continue to be treated like privileges rather than rights. i'm sure it's a totally different environment from the one that you studied, but i'm wondering if other multicultural populations like that of the u.s. would be able to learn from the aspects of yugoslavia's self-management model that succeeded or avoid the aspects that failed. ANYWAYS not me going into thesis statement mode on instinct,,,, tl;dr this sounds amazing and you are amazing, thank you for sharing 🤍

and don't ever ever apologize for a delay in responding, my love, have you met me? i'm so grateful that you continue to check in periodically at all. please do send me the fic if you still wish for me to read it and/or have posted it already! i assure you it would be my utmost joy and pleasure

you are actually the sweetest human being in the world and i hope the universe brings you nothing but wonderful things. i'm so glad that you think of my page as a safe space; it is people like you, truly, who make it so. take care of yourself as well, angel! sending you the biggest hug through the screen

[monstas1ut2]

1/3 (Eren Yeager)

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Bitches is my sons, that's why I be like, "Chile"

Chile, chile, chile, chile, ch-i-i-i-chile

At the lowest volume, Nicki was spitting bars. The LED lights on the brightest red there's to come as the window was covered with black out curtains. It happened to be bright outside but who opens their curtains at 8 am in the morning..? People who are productive and that's not you.

"Don't spend hours in there, brat."

A pout came onto your face, almost sucking your teeth... it wasn't going to be long until you were finished. Nonetheless though, your father always thinks you take hours to get ready to go somewhere.

"Im not ,daddy... Ion even wear makeup no more.. so it won't take long.."

Leaning towards the mirror, and pressing the lipgloss tip against your soft lips, your thoughts came around to your father.

Levi Ackerman, he's a short male who is quite intimidating, he IS intimidating. Despite his height, he's always winning a battle, whether it's verbal or physical. Which is why you always fail to win an argument against him. This was noticeable when you moved to his house ten months ago.

Before living with Levi, you were living with Hange.

Hange co-parents with Levi, the two were never together but they kept you happy and they are both Mom and Dad to you. The two are so different though. Hange would let you skip school, get ready late, almost everything in the book. She had to stop you from getting a sugar daddy though-

Levi is strict, he doesn't want anyone or thing touching his pretty Princess. Yes you're not biologically his but he still is your father, the only one you'd ever had. He taught you things, showed you the great life. He tried to get you to speak a bit more proper but he just stopped, oddly enough, he wanted you to embrace everything you had to offer.

It was a pain learning about your background, Hange was bad at doing anything for you as well. In result of this, your hair has dreads. Watching YouTube videos was Levi's new thing when you were younger. He managed to skillfully put dreads in your hair and... now they look quite amazing. Very long and pretty on you.

That's something you embrace, those pretty dreads. Knowing that your father put them in first , is one reason as to never take them out.

"I'm done, and, Mom said stop ignorin her... she wanna have a picture of me.. since it's my last year I guess.. ion know.. but she blowin up my phone.."

A bit of a smile casting on your brown skinned face. Fiddling with the phone in your hand. Today you were wearing a Jean like skirt and a black top to go with. Your med-long nails being a mix of white and gold, it complimented the melanin of your skin.

Levi glared at his phone that was vibrating on the nearest table and he'd sighed inwardly. Hange was so excited for your last year, while Levi was not. He also hates the fact that you are now going to the same school that he works at... the only bad thing being... the men there are complete perverts and prudes.

"Tell that bratty friend of yours to do it-"

"Connie isn't a brat, he just a lil mental..."

A lot of bald guys seemed to be mental, or is that just... stereotypical to say? Eh, either way, your Connie was mental. The guy was hilarious, he always knows how to put a smile on your face. Even though you two used to be fairly seperated. You now go to his school so at least you'll have one friend to lean on.

"dad, can you at least be happy for me...? It's my last year of school, not my last year of me bein in ya house.. cuz ion know how to cook... or do adult stuff.." a sheepish smile came upon your face, just staring at your father who happened to be suppressing a smile. He eventually did not though, but... you are the only person who can make him smile..

"I know, you burned down a kitchen before.." An evil smirk cascaded on his pale face. He knew that would hit you where it hurts, considering you were now silent but squinting your eyes playfully. It definitely wasn't Levi's kitchen, it was Hange's kitchen.. she had to get it remodeled.

Honestly, Levi liked that you couldn't cook, that way, douche bag men will stay away from you and it'll prevent them from making you barefoot and pregnant in a kitchen... he overthinks okay?

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Gripping your wrist ever so tightly, the two of you were walking towards the huge school. It was more of a modern taste, probably because the school was built only 6 years ago. The scale of the school had caused your body to overheat from anxiety. So actually, Levi was pulling you towards the school, no effort needed.

Once that door was open, it was all over. The main entrance had a pretty scenery. It was pictures and everything, though something that was odd was that black people were limited, looked like-

Okay okay, you're overthinking, but this school really doesn't have black people. If they do, they are in sports... which is why there was a man constantly talking on and on about female's basketball team...

You have to admit, you are a stallion.

"She doesn't want to be on the team... Shadis... stop yelling in her face.."

A bit of a concerned smile came upon your face as you glanced towards your father. Who only gave a soft look towards you. Levi may be insensitive at times but when it comes to you being nervous.. he's there.

"Where the hell is the principle..." Levi grumbled under his breath, he was quite late for his class.. but he had to make sure you were going to be fine.. like the worried father he is.

And Like on cue, a fine.. smexy blonde man came from the back door of the front office.. oooh.

His eyebrows were thick and he had this smile on his face. Like he knew who you were, though at the same time he probably already did. This man was in pictures at home, Levi knew him personally.

Apparently this man changed your diaper when you were little too.. so.. low chance of him seeing you any different..

Principal Smith... oohhh

"Levi, I told you yesterday, she'll be fine in my hands.. I can make sure she gets to every class. I'll also make sure nobody messes with her.." Erwin hummed out, knowing these words that came from Levi last week. His voice was deep and sincere, his pretty blue eyes glancing you over.. gawd oh mighty.

"And?" Levi's eyes squinted hard, his face quite serious about the last statement that Erwin seemed to pass by... or forgotten.. Man, someone would think Levi is the principal... and not Erwin.

"I'll make sure Yeager stays away from her.."

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

The bell had rung oh so suddenly, the anxiety in you causing you to need to go to the bathroom but... your ancestors had to come down.

They whispered into your ear and explained that you are the baddest bitch in the world. Nobody can take that away from you, nor can the stupid anxiety.

"This is my daughter, (Y/n)... "

The baddest bitch with anxiety...

Every single eye was on you, in front of the class... it was obvious that most were just curious about you, mixed with shocked. When they heard the other day about getting a new student, they figured that it'll be someone... like them. At the same time though.. they could get used to the.. balance of the room.

The window across the room was beaming on your brown skin and it happened to make you look like a goddess. Your lipgloss sparkling as you glanced around, a soft smile on your face. Honestly, that only happened because of the fact that.. your bald friend was waving to you..

Connie...

The other day, a deal was made... Between you and your father. Who is also now your teacher for first period.

The deal was, you clean your room spotless and you get to sit next to Connie in class. Guess who succeeded?...

Your arms wrapped around male as he was blushing a tad. Being almost manhandled by you was everyone's dream at the moment. Especially a male who was behind you and Connie's table. He had this cool haircut, his face was long too but it fit his features.

"Why is she hugging the egg..."

"Jean you're just jealous.." the person who said this happened to be playing with their pencil. She had black hair and.. freckles.. it was cute. She looked mean though.

"Okay and..?"

Connie then began to of course, show off his best friend.. who happened to be you. Apparently what happened was that he told everyone about you one day. Nobody believed him, and Jean being the asshole he is.., he wanted answers so he -reluctantly- asked Levi if he had a daughter...

They weren't expecting someone like you...

Nor was.. this brown haired male who had his eye on you ever since you came in. His intimidating... blue, greenish looking eyes.. it's not something you failed to realize... but at the same time, you could feel your father's eyes as well.

"That's Eren over there, by Armin and Mikasa... he's a little coo-coo... so just talk to Armin and Mikasa.. then that's Bert , Annie, and Reiner, and Ymir, Jean, Sasha is the one eating and Historia.."

Honestly, you were never one to listen to someone when they say don't do something... Connie said don't talk to Eren... but some how... with the fluttering of your eyelashes.. you gave the long haired boy a wink. The wink sending him a burst of confidence that he already had..

it just got worse..

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ Masterlist 2

[niji-translated]

“Hold Your Breath” – tst-movie Interview

Translation by me (niji-translated)

[If you wish to use any of my translations, please ask]

Link to original interview:

Hulu Original ‘Hold Your Breath’ Episode 3, Murakami Nijiro Interview

The one thing that cannot be missing when getting married.

Reporter A: Shinpei and yourself seem to be people very different from each other to me, but were you aware of any similarities?

Nijiro: I’ve known Director Nakagawa Ryutarou a long time, so he know a lot about me. I thought “you know me, and you’re making a parody”. Therefore, him and myself are not that different, I feel that just the world changed. Even if it’s like I’m playing myself, if it didn’t look like that, I feel that we succeeded.

Reporter A: Shinpei isn’t accepted by society, but aren’t you accepted by society?

Nijiro: I rarely think I’m accepted by society. I’ve always been a social misfit, everyday I live with this thinking. When I can have a normal conversation with you like this, I think I’m doing well, and yet when I get home I’ll think “I knew it,  I'm still not doing this right" And I’ll go right back. (laughs). It’s a fleeting feeling.

Reporter A: That’s unexpected.

Nijiro: Is it really? When I’m home alone, I can’t help thinking ‘where are your social skills?’ I can have a conversation like this, but I’ll keep thinking ‘what was I doing then?’

Myson (main interviewer): I thought it was interesting that it was a short story this time. Do you have a different approach when you play a role that starts off with a lot of information compared to a role where you can let your imagination run wild?

Nijiro: Pain, suffering, crying and so on, of course there is always a lot of space, meaning to them and the amount of time you put in doesn’t change. I think it’s less difficult for me to show bigger emotions, that’s been with me from the start. I don’t think I’m very good at it now, but when I look at my early works, I think I’m more like myself when I say something like “Ahhhh!!”

(laughs). “Good morning” and “by the way”, and so on, those are the most difficult. Since this work is the latter, it was a challenge for me (laughs). Especially from where I was a few years ago, I couldn't have done this, I’m not changing my approach at all, but for me this kind of work has a higher level of difficulty.

Myson: Performing the everyday is more difficult, did you start with the "what is natural?" approach, then?

Nijiro: I think there is also that, because you’re depicting something the norm, I think performing something universal is difficult. Universal, I mean, by majority, which means it’s the majority that will be observing and judging, there’s a feeling that it’s more demanding. (laughs)

Myson: Certainly! (laughs). However, during the quarrel scene, when you’re very angry, it’s like there’s a half smile, I could see the excitement in your eyes. I thought it was very realistic

Nijiro: Is it? But, I also have a huge complex about the universal. I may be completely misunderstanding this, but when I’m talking to people, eating meals, when going out on site with new people, sometimes it’s like there’s some kind of tension and pressure points are very different, mostly they don’t match. This is my own experiences and feelings, I often feel that I enjoy things differently to everyone else, I have a huge complex about others (laughs). I don’t mean that in a bad way, you saying ‘ it was realistic’, that makes me happy.

Myson: This work is about people who live along the Tama-gawa, but if work and corona have nothing to do with it, what city or what kind of place would you want to live in?

Nijiro: I really like the city, but I want to live with animals. I was born in Tokyo, and I believe my roots are in Tokyo, but I grew up in the countryside, I was in the wilderness for a lot of my time, especially during my adolescence. At that time I lived with goats and birds, cats and so on, therefore there’s a feeling that living with animals is natural. It’s not like ‘Princess Mononoke’ but I love big animals, I want to live with something extreme, like bears or something.

Myson & Reporter A: Ehhh!???

Nijiro: Looking at social media, aren’t there a lot of animal videos? Overseas you can see men playing with bears, and I really like when fierce animals like tigers or something are cute when they’re babies. I also like squirrel monkeys and cats, birds and other small animals, they’re cute, I want to live with all of them. But, I love Tokyo and I love the city therefore, seeking the two extremes you’d definitely need a lot of money, right. I’m an actor who films away from home, so I’m not really suited to that kind of life. Desires and work don’t match, what can I do? (laughs). It’s not like I’d have a sitter raise them. If I’m not there, then there’s no point.

Myson: Certainly! (laughs)

Nijiro: Like learning asset management, I think it’s not that easy (laughs). This might be a bad way of putting it but, in my mind, I think of marriage as a contract that the partner will keep animals as well. It’s not a contract with a woman, it’s a ‘contract to raise animals together’.

Myson: Hahahaha!

Nijiro: If not that, then I won’t get married, or at least have a de-facto marriage.

Myson: That’s the most important thing in order to marry!

Nijiro: It is important, isn’t it. How did we get talking about this? (laughs)

Myson: We were talking about where you want to live. (laughs)

Nijiro: Where I want to live, well I'm not wrong then!

Everyone: Hahahaha!

As a child I felt a distance from the entertainment industry

Myson: As a small child I guess the entertainment industry felt close to home, but how did you become interested in actors and the job itself? Did it feel natural that you would become an actor?

Nijiro: Maybe it was the reverse. By my school and my parents I was banned from all media, so my intake of drama and movies, compared to people who grow up in a world with normal TV, it was about a tenth of that. I used to watch “Rookies” in secret, but I knew very little about it, so I couldn’t admire it. I did have manga and games though. So instead this world was rather far away. I have opportunities to meet various people close to my parents, but those kind of people are so over the top, there are a lot of people who look the opposite of celebrity (laughs). In that sense, my generation, and the generation below my parents is still fresh. Because I was born during my parents busiest time, I was raised by my grandmother, and even though I was small, I had a vague thought of “why ain’t ya around?”. In that sense, I vaguely didn’t like it. When I was still a small child I didn’t know how great my dads performance is, but before I realised it, I started to understand. Now that I’m an actor I think I understand it more.

Myson: I don’t know if this is the right way to ask, but,  do you enjoy being an actor?

Nijiro: I don’t know anything else, in that way it’s painful because it’s the only thing I know. Makes me wonder if there’s something more fun than this, you know. Because we want what we don’t have. Therefore, I don’t know how fun it is as an average, but I think I’m still continuing because I’m still enjoying it.

Myson: How about acting overseas? Do you have any interest?

Nijiro: Not that it isn’t possible at all, but I don’t think it’s possible to speak slang like a native in a film. I’d be happy to have those kinds of opportunities, like voice acting in Wes Anderson’s films, like Nagase’s role in Jim Jarmunsch’s ‘Patterson’, of course I’m interested. But, if I was going to spend all that time on English, I think I’d sooner be reborn. Of course, I’d study more if I had if i get that kind of opportunity.

Myson: I see. How do you usually choose the films you watch?

Nijiro: What is it, huh, it has a shine, doesn’t it? All the information I want to get now.. That’s a bit of a sparkly statement. (laughs).

Myson: No, no, no, hahaha! Do you watch both Western and Japanese films?

Nijiro: That doesn’t matter at all, I’ll watch anything including dramas and documentaries.

Myson: It’s like buying the jacket visuals and watching it.

Nijiro: In other words, I’m very influenced by the visuals. No matter how good the cast is, if I’m not attracted to the poster I’ll put off watching it. The visuals are the most important. I think this is good and bad though. After I started acting, I always had a natural appetite to watch things, even if it wasn’t something I needed to know or feel right away, if it may or may not be useful right now, lately that’s changed little by little. That’s not a good part of it, since there’s no guarantees, and there’s a feeling that you can’t afford to spend too much time on something that you get nothing from. It’s right to get what you need most, but I haven’t surprised myself much recently, it’s like I’m not surprised at all anymore, I think the reason is because I don’t touch anything I’m not sure of. Right now it’s not easy to go for a drink but, for example, when I go out of a drink and I think ‘I’m 80% likely to not enjoy myself if I go there’, then I won’t go, but the remaining 20% is very important, isn’t it? There’s the possibility of that roughly 20% could make me think ‘that was really fun!” I think I need to do more with that small percent.

Myson: Thank you very much!

[tar-oh]

Pick a Pile: What do you need to hear right now?

Good news, folks! My semester is over! So, hopefully, this means my stress levels will not be as high and I'll have more energy to do more pick-a-piles! Today we're going to look at what you need to hear. Gonna be honest, all the piles seem related. It could be that they all hold a message for one person, or they're continuations of the others? Or they could be messages for people in situations that are related to one another? I'm not sure, but there's some connection between all three tbh. However, only read what you're feeling called to read. That means you can have more than one pile. I also have to put my normal disclaimer here: This is a general reading. Not all of it is going to apply to you. In addition to this, this is current energy and it can change by tomorrow. There is such a thing as free will, and we all need to remember that. If you do find that you resonate heavily with one (or two or all) of these piles and you want to know more, I am available for readings. Just DM me about it and I'll get back to you ASAP. I also have my cashapp and Paypal listed in my bio if you feel the need to tip (but it's not required) So, for the piles, pick an outfit worn by Fran Fine in season 1 of The Nanny!

Pile 1:

Cards: Cat, Eclipse, Saturday morning cartoons, Picollus, Alastor, Voices, Flying Without Wings, 7 of Cups, 6 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, Full Moon in Scorpio, Friendliness, Joy, Page of Wands, The Emperor, The Hierophant

Oof I just got REALLY warm. I'm not sure what that means, but I think some are you are furious at someone. Well, you're asked to release the negativity (Full Moon in Scorpio), and also the bottom of the deck of the Moonology cards was Bring Love Into the Situation. The song on currently is Are You on Your Way by Middle Class Rut, and I take this to mean...are you coming home? Like, to yourself. I think some of you have allowed others to influence who you are, losing sight of who you are. There's something coming, or maybe this has already happened, but it's good. Possibly an achievement? However, there are underlying issues within this or around you. I take this more as outside voices, that part about being influenced by others again. I think the Voices card is one thing to look at about this. From this, I get two things. The first being that you need to listen to your own voice, your own judgment. The second is that you should ignore any voices on the outside. By this I mean, like family or friends. I really get that some of you have family or friends around you that are giving you their advice, but that it's no good. The Picollus card talks about long-standing feuds (specifically family feuds) and the Alastor card talks about not being vengeful. So I think maybe there are some not-so-kind things that are being said, either about you or others and you're being asked to not listen to them.

But, with the 6 of wands, wheel of fortune and Flying without wings, I see that there's something you're about to achieve or have just done. The bottom of the deck for the tarot was the tower, so for some, this is sudden. Maybe a promotion? Or, graduation, so a culmination of things leading up to something. But, I'm seeing that this can only be good if you're careful with where you get advice from and how you act. I'm not saying to ignore all advice, but I think when you hear advice, you're aware of what's good for you/will work for you and what won't. With the eclipse card, I can see that there are some things that may be unknown to you right now, and maybe this tower card on the bottom is coming energy (or past, depending on where you are at). The energy of this pile is NOT bad. It's more cautionary. There's a lot here about your shadow side, and I really want to stress that your shadow side isn't something to hate. It's a part of you. So I think you're being asked to be mindful of your actions towards others but also other's actions towards you, while also being kind to yourself?

Moving Along by 5sos came on. I was going to say that it feels like some of you are moving on from something, and maybe it's a breakup or a past failure, but now you're moving into better times like you're succeeding with something else. Moving on. But, I think there's a bit of fear here. For a few, there's resentment. I'm not saying you don't have the right to be resentful, but in the cards, there is a warning to be careful not to allow that to overtake you. The bottom of the Witches Oracle is Greet the Darkness, and this tells me that if you are feeling that resentment, you're being called to feel it. I don't think you can just ignore it, because it will eat away at you. However, you're being asked to feel it and then let it pass. So, again, kind of goes back to moving along, right? You also are being asked to find your voice and not use other's voices to dominate your thoughts/actions.

You know, it's not even a song that came on, but I was thinking about Harry Styles' song, Treat People with Kindness and I kind of am getting that message here? Like, I think overall, this is just a call to be good. Like, to discern what you hear, but also to be the best you can be. Do not to give in to the temptation of being a less than stellar person. I think it's a warning to be careful. Like, an ego thing?

I feel like there's something missing though? Like, I'm at the edge of what the overall message of this pile is, and they all seem to connect, but it's on the tip of my tongue and it won't come out? So, I wonder if there's also a need to speak up? We did get Voices. Also 7 of Cups can be about having too many choices that you're stuck trying to decide. It can also be about being stuck in the clouds. So, maybe there's a need to figure out what you want to say and say it? As concise as possible, but not too blunt? I had to go back and pull a couple more cards from some other decks (so, the Moonology cards are part of that). The other two cards I pulled from my Affirmators! deck and they were Joy and Friendliness. So!!! Yes, please treat people with kindness! But I also think this is kind of a treat people the way you'd want to be treated, so like, greeting meanness with a smile? Don't Take the Money came on, and I'm really noticing the line: "Buy back the secrets". This song is ultimately about not giving in to greed. Like, not choosing greed over love, and I think that's part of this message. I can see this resentment bubbling under the surface and I sound like a broken record by now, but? I think you're not really meant to allow it to bubble.

Also, I think you guys are my music group because I got SO many songs for you? I also was all ready to wrap this up, thinking "Well, there's that, I think I'm done." But again, I was still feeling like I was missing something and then a song called Something Left To Give by The Starting Line came on, so here I am pulling more cards. We got Page of Wands, The Emperor, and The Hierophant. But then...the bottom of the deck was The Tower again? So, first off. I think a lot of you are definitely ignoring something, like a lesson you're meant to be learning? And I think it has a lot to do with surrounding your ego and maybe reaching into the shadows. But I also think it has to do with holding grudges while also holding onto toxic things, such as thoughts or people? I think, with the Emperor and the Hierophant here, you have the ability to be kind while also upholding your boundaries, but I think this is less about how you are and more about how you need to be. And sometimes...that's about upholding boundaries with yourself, whether it be letting go of certain behaviors or thoughts, or making sure other people do not cross those boundaries. Another thing I'm getting is that there may be certain beliefs you hold about yourself or others, or even the world, that need to be changed. I get this "My way or the high-way" feeling from the Hierophant and the emperor, and I think that if you have this attitude, you're being asked to really rethink that. It's okay to not be right all the time, and it's also okay to make mistakes. It's also okay to change your mind. To find that what you once believe doesn't really hold up anymore. I just think it's SOMETHING to get the tower on the bottom of two different decks, and I think this is about well, I'm getting shipwreck imagery in my mind. Crashing those beliefs? Wrecking them? Burning them down and starting over. Saying to yourself: "Hey, I don't really need this anymore. It doesn't match who I am now and where I want to go. I can let this go now." And, this can apply to more than just beliefs. I am using the Daemon tarot and the bottom deck energy was brooms which has the same meaning as the Witches Oracle Brooms card: Cleaning. It can mean physical cleaning (and it IS spring. I know I need to clean lol), but it also can talk about purification. So, purging those beliefs that do not fit anymore and getting rid of what does not serve you. What is not working for you anymore? What isn't helping you be the best person you can be? It's not about quitting things cold turkey one morning. It's about slowly allowing those things to fall away. So I'm not saying you need to get up and both physically and metaphorically clean your life. I'm just saying, to start that process. Ya know? Getting a garbage bag ready and filling it as you go.

I really think there is something good happening for you but I think you need to keep yourself grounded in reality and to be the best you can be while this is happening. I also think you need to not allow others (or your own self) to get to you. I don't see anything in here saying you are a bad person, I just see that there's a reminder being made to be good and be the best you can be, which also includes making sure that what you have in your life is good for you. Nothing drastic has to happen (if you don't want that), but mindfulness is needed.

YIKES, that was long lol Also, side note, the bottom card for my Dreams deck was Animals, and I think if you've been having a lot of dreams involving animals, this was meant for you especially. I could barely fit all the cards in this picture, so I didn't take a pic of the animal card, but if you're dying to see it lmk lol The bottom of the Affirmators! deck as Trust. It just talks about how you know you'll be okay. Personally, when I'm having really bad days, I usually write in my journal "I am okay. I will be okay." Idk, just something I do that helps me. It's small, but it gives me hope. Songs: Kamikaze - WALK THE MOON Moving Along - 5 Seconds of Summer (the bass in this song is honestly top-tier :) ) Are you on your way - Middle Class Rut Treat People With Kindness - Harry Styles Don't Take the Money - Bleachers (Specifically the version Ft Lorde) Funny Business - Alice Merton The Abyss - DBMK

Pile 2:

Cards: Full moon in Gemini, Beauty, 5 of Cups, 9 of Cups, 6 of Cups, Murder, Pineapple, Confetti Rainbow, Money Green, Passing Notes, Nature Spirits reversed, Lamia, Astaroth, Cali, Knight of Pentacles reversed, 4 of Wands, King of pentacles

This group has a very specific message that comes out. It took a bit to get there, but I wanted to say that this is a specific situation. If you were called to it, then by all means carry on reading. However, if you find that you do not vibe with what this is saying, then this might not be your pile. However, I think there also might be a few bits here and there for some people, and not the whole message, so maybe try it out first.

First off, I get similar vibes to pile 1, but this pile seems more to be in a victim mentality. I'm not saying you don't have a right to feel that way, but I'm getting that there's a line and that you're either already past it, or you're near it. That line draws a boundary between feeling sorry for yourself and on the other side: feeling sorry for yourself that you play victim, never taking responsibility for yourself/actions. Get a defensive energy (I wouldn't be surprised if you were reading this and thinking that it may not be your pile because you're denying it? Hey, I do that all the time. I'm pretty guilty of this). I think a lot of you have had a tough time recently, or are still in the thick of it. I'm here to say that it will pass, but that you can't allow this to turn you bitter. Nor can you use this to take it out on other people. There's a strong message about making sure you don't do that. Also, not to manipulate others? I think there's a possibility of falling into this mentality that you're the victim and may be manipulating people into feeling sorry for you. I just get a weird manipulative vibe and I think maybe some of you can have the tendency of doing this, possibly even without being aware of it.

There's also a message of lightening up, allowing yourself to have fun. To stop focusing on the negative aspects of a situation, and find the humor in it. It may be something hard to do right now, but I think you'll find that maybe one day soon, you'll be able to do so.

Also, there's another side note about someone else? This can be a father figure, a boss/ceo figure? This could just be someone who embodies the King of Pentacles (he's the CEO type, has his shit together, is stable, more on the materialistic side of things, etc.). Whether this is you (could be!) or someone else you know/will know, I don't get bad vibes. I mean, I pulled the 4 of wands with that card, so I think it's kind of this stable energy whoever this is. However, there also is the Knight of Pentacles reversed, which can represent carelessness. The Full Moon in Gemini talks about being careful with one's words, like that whole "Less is more" idea when communicating. I think these two go together, and I think it just is someone who is a little too direct and blunt. I get work vibes tbh, so I think this could involve your workplace, so possibly a boss? Passing Notes talks about gossip/rumors, so I think this is like...A warning not to gossip or even to not believe everything you hear? I don't get any romance vibes but I think this could involve something that never took off? Oh, I was going to delete that, but I actually listened to what the song I was hearing was saying, Contagious by Boys Like Girls. This has sent me down a whole other path for another message lol

So, this might apply to some of you, but I think you may be involved with someone (or want to be?) who is the King of Pentacles, but they're kind of horrible at communication (or one of you is). I think they're more money-focused, and maybe they hear shit about you that has shaped their opinion about you (or vice-versa). But despite this, they like you. I think they don't quite know how to express themselves, and maybe you're feeling down about this because maybe you don't think they're into you? I still think this is work-related though. That, or this is someone who is just super focused on their work. But, I have 9 of cups and 6 of cups, so I think you're kind of what they're looking for and maybe they feel at home with you.

For some, you're being warned about this person. They can be manipulative/play the victim. For others, maybe they do that, but I think it's something being worked on. Either way, someone in this situation is having a lot of trouble expressing themselves. There is anxiety surrounding this situation. I get it on both sides. But I think for some there is some communication coming. Or at least an action that will communicate things. It seems like something practical if it is an action, but friendly. OMG what kind of relationship is this? Like what kind of a dynamic do you have? Because Drug by Simple Creatures came on after and it just feels like the song Contagious. Like this idea of being addicted to the way someone makes them feel? I think this is someone that can compartmentalize their feelings...but I think with you...it's harder? Okay, now I'm just getting nosey...I want to explore whatever the fuck THIS is further, so I'm going to pull some more cards.

SHHH Don't tell the other piles I got really fucking nosey and pulled more cards. :/ So, what I get about this King of Pentacles person is that they may already be pretty established in their life? I got Ten of Pentacles, which talks about that happy family, but like. More-so, the material aspect, like needs being met. This could just mean someone who's got their own place and a good position in their job. With the Knight and Page showing up, I think that if this is work-related, you're under them in terms of position? I get this message a lot actually, about a boss/employer relationship? So, I think this is an ongoing thing. Who is this for? Lemme know if this is you lol bc this comes up so much and like. I don't think it's me because I don't have a love life to speak about. Just crushes on unavailable men. Anyway, I think that whoever this is, they can't express their emotions. This could be because of someone else in the picture. There are a lot of court cards here, also, bottom of the deck for this is The Empress. So a mother, either there is or the mother of their kids if they have kids? Or someone who they see/saw as the mother of their future kids? Could be roles reversed, and that this is the father. Take whatever resonates doesn't have to be a woman and the king does not have to be a man. But, I think this burdens them. Like, they have a lot of responsibilities that rest on them, and they're unable to express what they want to express to you because they're "chained" to these feelings. You know, I almost get like...Less another relationship and more a social standard, or company issue because in both the Page of Hazards (pentacles) and the Empress, there are kids being chained to something (They ARE zombies but...interesting that two cards that have chains are pulled...). Even more interesting is that the kid in the page of hazards is chained to a mailbox with cobwebs, so I get communication issues with that. I think it's both hard to express their feelings because they're not someone who does so openly or easily. But also, they just cannot because of external circumstances. So, like If you came here because of some work/love situation...Then. There ya go...The feelings are there, but cannot be expressed. At least, not at this time. And maybe that's where that victim mentality comes in? Like, a "Why me?" or "Why can't it be easier?" Because I kind of relate to this pile, and I get how fucking annoying it is to hear "The feelings are there but can't be expressed". It hurts, I know.

But. Here I am to remind you that you got that Beauty card, right? I wasn't sure how it really factored into all of it, and was just going to use it as a reminder of your beauty, and I guess I am doing that now. But I'm also going to tell you something someone once told me: You deserve someone that will give you their time. By that, you deserve someone who feels for you and can openly express how they feel for you. I'm not saying this King of Pentacles person is a bad person, or that they're not for you, but it just seems like right now is not the time for this to work out. I don't see anything that says it won't work out, but on the other hand, I don't see anything that says it will. I think its just one of those things where you're going to have to be patient with. The song I ended your reading on is Space Travel by Yellowcard. It's about getting lost in someone and loosing who your are within this other person. Like, loosing your personality. I'm not sure where you are with this person, but I think this is reminding you to take care of yourself first. Whoever this person is, they have other things they need to take care of first, too. I also think they're putting themselves first. I don't want to say move on entirely, because that can be hard. It can seem impossible some days. I do want to say, however, that you need to make sure you're not waiting around on this person. There are so many other people in this world, and I find it impossible that you only find "it" (whatever "it" is that you found within this person) with this one person. Which, again, sounds like an impossible thing to say. Like that saying "there's other fish in the sea". I personally hate when people tell me that. But, one day you're going to have a memory of this situation and it's not going to ache as much. I can't guarantee there won't be a sting, but I can guarantee that with time, it feels better. Songs:

Slow Burn - Kacey Musgraves Contagious - Boys Like Girls Drug - Simple Creatures Space Travel - Yellowcard

Pile 3:

Cards: 4 of Pentacles, the Empress, the Emperor, Hanging at the Mall, Clouds, Gel Pens, Lamia, Andras, Pumpkin, Being Lost/Losing Something, Ideal Partnership, New Moon in Sagittarius, New Moon in Libra, King of Wands, 9 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune This pile seems related to the other two? I'm not sure why but all the piles had this weird "Spring cleaning" theme, about clearing what isn't working. But this pile seems to specifically be about love. So, I think if you're trying to move on from something/someone, this is a sign that things will be turning in your favor. Firstly, we pulled the emperor AND the empress. However, similar to how in Pile 2, where I felt the King of Pentacles in that pile was someone unable to express their emotions (its so odd that I got that, because I also got an emperor vibe but didn't pull it, but here it is in this pile?), I get that...this could be you? Because the New Moon in Libra suggests that someone is coming into your life that CAN express their emotions, but in one of the songs that came on, Headphones by WALK THE MOON, there's a line where he sings: "I wanna open my heart, but you won't open the door." Similarly, there's a part in Eyes are Red (Don't be Afraid) by Deep Sea Diver, where she sings "Don't be afraid". I kind of read into this song is about expressing one's feelings. But, we have the 4 of pentacles here, and it can be about hoarding. And in this sense, I'm getting...hoarding feelings? Like, keeping them in. But, they're there, at the tip of your tongue, they just can't get out. I think for some of you, this comes from past hurt. You closed your heart and you're afraid to express yourself, but I think you're being asked to allow yourself to heal while being open about your feelings. I think there is someone coming in (King of Wands), who is going to want to know about you and you're going to be a little worried to open up? But, these cards say it's okay to open up. You have two cards that indicate luck, and also you have a card indicating that you're protected (Pumpkin talks about being protected). I think this "Spring cleaning" is more about clearing out your emotions...letting them out? I think once you open up more, you're going to find that there are a lot of opportunities for you, you just need to be open to them. I think you're getting there, though, and with the Empress, I can see that you're healing from something. I always get that "nurturing" vibe from that card, but I definitely am reading this as you nurturing yourself, but maybe this involves you keeping things inside? Nevertheless, we got a pair, the Empress and the Emperor, so I could also read this as counterparts. I'm reading them as mostly you but I also can see this as you and someone else. One interesting thing is that I see the guy on the 9 of wands following the King of Wands. Not sure if that makes you feel of anything, but I read 9 of wands as persistence. This makes me think of the song Ends of the Earth by Lord Huron (which came on during this reading). The idea of following someone to the ends of the earth (let's hope they're not a flat earther...). I think this is someone really dedicated to you if you let them be. This song is also really beautiful and gives off this certain vibe that I can't really explain. It's like...One you need to experience? But I think this person could give off that vibe to be honest. I don't even know how to word this. Omg, there's a part in this song where he sings "I was a-ready to die for you baby, doesn't mean I was ready to stay." A SAGITTARIUS VIBE THAT WAS WHAT I WAS SEARCHING FOR! I've read that people with prominent Sagittarius placements need to have room. So, I wonder if this is someone (or even you) that needs to have that space? That's what that song feels like to me, though! I also kind of am thinking about that Ideal Partnership card and how it says that what your looking for is looking for you. There's a song that came on called First Grade by Max Leone, and he sings "I think about working out something with someone like you. I've looked

around, never found something or someone like you." I think that this is a person that definitely wants to pursue something and I think that this is telling you that you need to be open to it if you want something like this to happen. I think this song also highlights the need for action but being afraid to take action. I don't really see too many action-oriented things, but I see that being social is kind of something that needs to happen? I do get a Fool vibe from this, though. Like, taking a leap/risk? I don't know what kind of a risk, but I can see that you're being called to action in some way. In Pile 2, one of the messages was this need to not allow a victim mentality to take over. I could see that in here as well. I think it's like, whatever you went through in the past to make it hard for you to open up, happened. You have the right to feel that pain. But, then, you also have to move on at some point and heal? The Couds card talks about shifting and adapting. I don't have too many other cards about adaption, outside of maybe the 9 of wands being about persistence (and by this, I mean persisting change within?). I could take the 4 of pentacles, though, and say that this idea about not budging and "hoarding" your feelings definitely needs to be gone. I think this also is more than just about love. This can also be about making friends, in general. I think there's a sense of loneliness in this group that I didn't really feel for the last two groups. I almost wonder if this group is...the other end of group 2? Because there was someone else within that energy, and I could see you being that other person lol Whatever the case is, the big message of this group is to open up and not hold your emotions in. Songs: The Scientist - Coldplay (this has nothing to do with this reading, but I found out today that Chris Martin had to learn how to sing this song backward so that they could film the video in reverse so now it's extra weird watching it) No News is Good News - New Found Glory Ends of the Earth - Lord Huron First Grade - Max Leone

[blindingdutchy]

lamentation | FIVE

{peter parker x fem!reader AU}

based on All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

SERIES MASTERLIST

word count: 4,111

warnings: mostly fluff, some angst toward the end, mentions of injury

18+!!! minors stay away!

You didn't get much work done with Peter during the weekend. Following your emotional outburst over the argument between the pair of you, Peter stayed at your house surprisingly late into the night. You both seemed to agree the project could wait for a different day, and instead of working you spent the evening talking. While you didn't have much to talk about, Peter had a seemingly endless supply of subject matter to keep you both entertained.

Already you could tell that you were growing attached to him, probably far too much and far too soon, but there was no stopping it any longer. He made you feel good things and gave you a sense of normalcy you'd been craving for so long; there was no way you were giving that up any time soon. If he hurt you in the end, you'd deal with the pain because at least you got a bit of relief in the present.

That Friday evening had been one of the best nights of your life, regardless of how mundane or even boring it probably would have seemed to your younger self. You learned a lot about Peter, more than he'd already forced you to know in the weeks leading up to that night, and you answered all his random and silly questions about yourself. You learned that his favorite colors were red and blue, totally un-ironically, and that he'd gotten his abilities the summer between the eighth and ninth grades.

You also learned that Peter was just as stubborn and competitive as you used to be, and something about that knowledge sparked some of the old flame back into you. So, chasing after the fire that used to warm you, you made a deal with him. If he could prove to you that the Avengers were not as bad as you thought they were, then you would willingly do your speech in favor of the superheroes.

"You--you what?" Peter sputtered, laughing so hard he had to clutch his stomach with both hands and gasp for air, "You really cut the hair off of all of your sister's dolls because she beat you at checkers?"

You snorted, a harsh sound that made your nose ache as you laughed along with him, "Yes! She knew how competitive I was, and she took that risk by challenging me. I never lost a game of checkers again after that."

He slipped into another torrent of giggles much to your amusement, his eyes crinkling at the corners with a beautiful smile that made your own chuckling soften as you found yourself mesmerized by the sight of it. Peter Parker was certainly a very breathtaking spectacle to behold, and you had to wonder why he wasn't so much more popular in school. You knew why, everyone could see the relentless torment that Flash Thompson unleashed on him, but it still made no sense to you.

What was there to dislike about Peter? Just days ago you'd been beyond annoyed by him, and weeks before that you'd been entirely uncaring of his existence, but already that all seemed completely nonsensical to you. Now that you'd let him in, given him a chance, it seemed impossible to ever not like him again.

Wheezing breathlessly, Peter chortled, "I can't even judge you. One time, when Ned and I were thirteen, he bet that he could finish a LEGO set before me. He was going to beat me, and I may have accidentally knocked it off the table so he had to start over."

"So," you finally gasped as you stopped laughing, "so, what you're saying is, you're just as stubborn as I am and we're definitely never going to agree on this project?"

His chuckles slowly died out as he nodded, "I guess so."

You knew what he meant to say, and that was the fact that he didn't feel he was being needlessly stubborn in this situation. This wasn't about competition to him. No, this was about him not seeing himself or his colleagues in a negative light; he couldn't fathom the distaste you had for them.

As much as you disagreed, you could understand that. You could understand how he would see the people he worked alongside as good people. It made sense that he would have a different perspective when he was the one out saving civilians from big and small horrors alike, rather than being the one to suffer the consequences of the destruction that happened as a result.

Along with your understanding, you also didn't think that Peter was a bad person. You couldn't possibly imagine him causing harm, intentionally or not, and maybe that was why you said what you did next. Maybe that was why you proposed, "I'll make you a deal. If you can prove to me that the Avengers are not who I think they are, then I'll take your stance for the speech. Give me a reason to speak positively of them, and I will."

Even now, as you made your way toward your locker at school on Monday, you weren't entirely sure what had made you decide to propose such a thing. You were pretty certain that you were setting Peter up for failure. In your eyes, there wasn't much of anything that Peter could say, do, or show you that would change your mind. Nothing would make what had happened to your sister okay or forgivable.

Yet, he clearly did not feel the same way. Peter looked as if he was walking on sunshine that morning as he pranced along beside you, a triumphant grin on his face as he whispered, "I have a plan."

"A plan?"

He grinned wider as you looked at him curiously, "Yes, a plan. To change your mind."

Quirking an eyebrow expectantly, you waited for him to elaborate as you gathered your things from your locker for class. He never did, only continuing to practically vibrate with excitement beside you in silence. "Are you going to tell me what this plan of yours is?" you prodded.

"No." When you looked at him in confusion he continued, "If I tell you what it is, you're not going to have an open mind. You're going to think of all the reasons it won't change your mind, and then it won't."

Suddenly, you were the one chasing after Peter instead of the other way around. All day you found yourself glancing to him suspiciously and following him around much like he had you in all the weeks leading up to your budding friendship, and it was a big change of pace for you. You felt a little pathetic following him like a lost puppy, but you were nosy and wanted to know what his plan was.

No matter how much you pried, though, he didn't budge. In Calculus he ignored your staring and whispers with a far too smug smirk on his face, though you secretly liked the way it looked on him. Who would have guessed that Peter Parker could be arrogant?

In Gym class he teasingly ran faster than you could keep up the moment you asked again, only slowing down once you begrudgingly promised to leave the subject alone. Though he did tell you he wouldn't run faster than you anyways because people would probably get suspicious if he suddenly turned into a track star. He had to play the roll of the un-athletic nerd regardless.

At lunch he didn't sit with you for the first time since he'd started joining you. He'd waved at you from where he sat with his friends, Ned and MJ, but you found yourself leaving the cafeteria rather than joining him. You weren't ready to take that next step yet; being open with Peter was hard enough, and you weren't ready to have to talk to two more people. Still, you tried to pretend it didn't bother you despite the little sinking feeling you felt in your stomach.

He still sat with you in Speech class, which you were relieved by. Ms. Lovell left everyone to work with their partners on their project, warning the class sternly, "You may have until the end of the semester, but don't slack off now. I'm only giving you two other class periods after now to work on this."

Peter quietly joked, "I bet she just forgot to grade our homework from last week."

When the woman sat down at her desk and pulled over a stack of papers, uncapping her favorite red-glitter pen that she always graded with, you both fell into a fit of giggles that you had to work very hard to keep quiet. It only took one glare from the teacher to have you ducking behind your book to hide how red your face turned, both from embarrassment and repressed laughter. You did, however, notice to fleeting expression of shock on her face to see it was you giggling in her class.

Not much work was done during that class, though for you and Peter the work couldn't be started yet. You still hadn't decided on a stance, and until Peter either succeeded with his plan or failed as you expected, a decision wouldn't be made. Instead, you both whispered to each other about whatever random thoughts seemed to pop into your heads in the moment.

"People are staring at me," you acknowledged, glancing around the class timidly at the sight of many students giving you curious stares, "is there something on my face?"

Peter laughed, though he quickly disguised it as a cough, and responded, "No, they're just confused."

Confused, you furrowed your eyebrows and looked at the boy with the warm brown eyes who was grinning at you proudly. "Why?" you asked, shifting uncomfortably. You were used to people giving you strange looks, but these were different. They weren't looking at you as if they were pitying you, or as if they were waiting for you to finally break down and go crazy. No, now they were looking to you with wonder and interest.

He bit the inside of his cheek, a pensive expression blossoming over his face as he thought of how to say whatever he planned to tell you. For a moment you admired the way his ruffled eyebrows furrowed, his lips pouting slightly as he pursed them in concentration. Only when the strange, old fluttering in your heart and your stomach started to erupt did you look away and wrinkle your nose.

You didn't want to admit it, but you knew exactly what that feeling was. It was a feeling you hadn't encountered since before the incident, and it was a feeling you didn't want to experience now. So, you told yourself it was just nerves over having a friend again, and squashed the stupid butterflies down as hard and as fast as you could.

"Well," Peter finally started, eyes wide and a little nervous as if he expected you to potentially be offended by his words, "you haven't exactly... talked to anyone in awhile."

Suddenly, it clicked. People were staring because you weren't the reclusive, closed-off, depressed girl you had been for the past thirteen months. They were staring because you seemed... happy. "Oh." you nodded, the sound feeble and slightly broken, "I guess that makes sense."

People were staring at you because you were the girl with the dead sister who they'd been waiting to witness implode, and suddenly you were talking, and laughing, and smiling. You were talking, laughing, and smiling with Peter Parker, no less. They were looking at you because you seemed fine.

Were you fine? Peter shot you a few concerned glances as you seemed to slip back into the repression you'd been living in for so long, but you gave him a small smile as if to say, "I'm okay." You were okay.

For the first time since she died, now that you really thought about it, you truly felt okay. You felt good. You felt happy. Sure, you were terrified of the little flutters you felt whenever you stared a little too long at Peter's face, and you still felt all the bad things you'd been feeling, but now you had good things to balance them out.

It would have been so easy to slip back into that cycle of beating yourself up again. That little voice in the back of your head was still there, the one that sounded like your sister but so different at the same time, that told you that you didn't deserve to have friends. You didn't deserve to make new friends, or feel those butterflies that meant something more, not when she couldn't do those things ever again.

It would have been easy, but you didn't want that for yourself anymore. If you did that, if you pushed Peter away because of her, then you would be left with all the bad feelings and more of them. You didn't deserve that. So, you took a deep breath, and gave a more genuine smile, and met the stares head on. She would have wanted you to be happy, and you deserved to be happy.

After school, Peter left you with a swimming mind and a million thoughts of what his plan could be. He didn't mention anything, and you wondered how long you would have to wait for whatever it was to come to fruition. What could it be?

You spent the afternoon in the family room, an action that seemed to startle and befuddle your parents who watched you like hawks. Though they didn't say anything, only greeting you casually as if everything were totally normal, you could practically hear the gears turning in their heads. You could imagine their thoughts of, "Who is this alien that looks like our child?"

As confused as they were, eventually the decided to just go with it. Your mom curled up on the sofa with you, and your father fell into his recliner just like old times, and the three of you watched a movie in a comfortable silence. Well, mostly comfortable. Nobody dared to look at or acknowledge the empty middle cushion on the sofa where she'd always sat, or your mother's empty lap that she mindlessly kept brushing her hands over as if waiting for your sister's head to be laying there waiting for her hair to be played with.

Nobody dared, until you did. You weren't entirely sure what compelled you to do it. It seemed as if you were urged to do lots of things you thought you never would these days. But, after half an hour of watching your mother's twitching hands, you laid your head on her lap and closed your eyes to avoid seeing her face.

After a moment, her fingers brushed through your wind-tangled hair and you felt peace. She had always been the one to do this. She had always been the one to burrow her way into your mother's lap, begging to have her scalp massaged or her back traced delicately, and now you understood why. It was comforting for more than one reason.

On one hand, it was just physically relaxing. But, on a more complex level, it gave you a sense of closeness you hadn't realized you'd been longing for. You felt closer with your mother who worked through the tangles in your hair with her fingers, gently scratching your scalp with her manicured fingernails. You felt closer with your sister, too. It felt as if you had a small piece of her to hold onto in that moment, and it was comforting.

By the time the movie ended, you were nearly asleep and the sun had set some time ago. Your mother was the first to break the silence, softly rousing you, "(Y/N), honey, do you want dinner?"

You did, but before you could answer, your phone rang loudly. Glancing at the screen and seeing it was Peter, you nibbled your lip to hide a smile and stated, "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute." They didn't protest as you raced up to your bedroom to answer the call.

"Hello?"

"(Y/N)! Hey!" Peter practically shouted, though his voice cut out with what sounded like a windstorm. "Can you hear me?"

For a moment the audio cut out and you wondered if the call dropped, but then the crackling wind returned and you questioned, "What are you doing?"

Abruptly the sound ended, and he was breathing a little heavily as he responded, "Sorry, I was swinging--"

"Peter! Are you really on your phone while doing that?"

He laughed, "Calm down! My suit, well, Karen, the AI in my suit, is connected to my phone. Completely hands free--I promise."

Your mind flashed back to that night on the roof, the night he'd stopped you, and you remembered how he'd asked a woman named Karen what he was supposed to do. Now it all made sense. You'd been a little curious about who Karen was ever since that night, and now that you knew it was some sort of artificial intelligence that Peter had given such a human name to, you had to laugh.

"Why are you calling me, Spiderman?" you joked.

There was some quiet rustling, as if he were moving around, and he spoke quieter, "I'm on patrol. I just--maybe this is stupid, but I just thought if maybe I could show you the good things I do you'd see that we don't just destroy stuff."

It went silent for a moment before he continued, "I can't exactly take you with me, because that would be stupid, but you could listen."

You hesitated in responding. A part of you wanted to tell him that it was a stupid idea, for multiple reasons, but you decided against it. How would he ever prove anything to you if you didn't give him the chance?

So, you swallowed your protests, and said, "Okay."

"I'll warn you now it's usually pretty boring. A lot of nights I just swing around for awhile and go home without seeing anyone or anything."

That was strangely relieving. You hoped that tonight would be one of those nights; not because you didn't want him to have the chance to really enact his plan, but because you worried for him. What if having you metaphorically there with him distracted him? What if you distracted him and caused him to get hurt?

For awhile, it was a boring night. You and Peter went back and forth, taking turns telling stupid jokes to see who would crack and laugh first, and inevitably he won. He had an endless supply of disgustingly cheesy science puns that left you in stitches every time, even if you'd already seen the joke before on one of his many t-shirts.

You got him to laugh too, though, with all of the dead-pan anti-jokes you may have been secretly googling as you told them. Sometimes the wind would return, alerting you that he was swinging around the city, and every now and then he'd almost forget you were listening as he gave little exclamations of exhilaration in the moment. It was cute, even if the shouts nearly blew out your ear drum every time.

It was a boring night, until it wasn't. One moment the wind was making your phone speaker cut out, and the next it was eerily quiet and you had to pull your phone away to see if the call had dropped. Putting the device on speaker phone, you questioned quietly, "Peter?"

"I'm still here," he whispered, "I see something. Be quiet for a minute."

You listened and waited with baited breathe, probably panicking more than enough for the both of you, as Peter started speaking to Karen. He asked her to start something he called enhanced reconnaissance mode, and you were bursting with suspense and curiosity. What did he see? What was happening?

It felt like an eternity before he acknowledged you again, "Okay, I see a woman cornered by some guys. I think they're trying to... to attack her."

He didn't have to say the word for you to know what he meant, and you felt your stomach explode with anxiety and fear for a woman you couldn't even see. "What are you going to do?" you asked.

"I'm gonna web 'em up, and wait for the police with her." he stated, "I won't be able to talk for a bit, okay?"

And then, everything changed. One moment the wind was back as he swung down to the scene, and suddenly Peter was in full Spiderman mode and almost unrecognizable to you. He was sassier, playful even, despite how serious you knew he really was as he antagonized the bad guys.

The banter didn't last long. You heard the woman scream in terror as a loud ruckus rang through your phone, and Peter groaned. Was he hurt? Did he get hit? There were more thuds and dull smacking sounds, Peter and the men alike grunting and shouting out loudly as she continued to break the atmosphere with her screaming.

You wanted to call out for him, to make sure he was okay, but you were paralyzed in fear. What if you called his name and it distracted him, causing him to really get hurt? But, what if he already was hurt and forgot you were there to potentially call for help?

The fight lasted awhile, before finally the woman's screaming ceased as Peter told her, "Hey, hey! I got them, I got you. It's okay. Everything's okay."

"Peter?" you whispered.

"Everything's okay. It's going to be alright."

He was speaking to you, though he had to phrase it in a way that it sounded as if he were just speaking to her. You didn't believe him that everything was fine, though. It was easy to hear just how winded he was in the way his voice was strained, weaker than before.

Peter was hurt, and you were terrified. His plan was just as stupid as you'd thought it to be. Not because he didn't prove anything to you, because you were happy he'd saved the woman and he had shown you a good thing he did, but because he'd forced you to witness his pain and suffering yet again. You'd had to witness him actually get hurt this time, and the woman's screams still echoed in your ears.

It brought you back to that day. Her screams reminded you of the chaos following the building's collapse, reminded you of how hoarse and sore your throat had been from screaming just like that. Screams of pure horror and panic.

Only after the police finally left, thanking Spiderman for his help, did Peter drop the faux strength and softly whimper, "Shit, that really hurt."

"My window is open."

With that, you hung up and left him to decide what to do by himself.

Your mother quietly knocked at your door, opening it slowly as she poked her head into your room, "Dinner is done if you still want to eat."

Forcing the best smile you could manage, you muttered, "I'm actually not feeling very good. I think I'll just go to bed." You wished you could say you hadn't seen the disappointment written all over her face, clearly let down by you pulling away again, but she nodded nonetheless and shut the door as she trudged away again.

You laid in bed for hours unable to fall asleep, listening to every noise outside with hitched breathe. Was that little knock Peter? Was he at your window? By the time your phone told you it was nearing sunrise, you gave up. He wasn't coming, and you tried to ignore all the horrible thoughts that consumed you.

What if he was so injured he couldn't make it to you? What if he was out on the street somewhere, hurt badly and in need of help? You cursed yourself for hanging up, but you couldn't bring yourself to call him back. It was a strange battle of worry and anger, with anger winning out in the end and stopping you from reaching out.

You were angry at Peter for his stupid plan, causing you to think of all the awful things he seemed to keep at bay during the daytime. You were angry at those men for hurting him. Mostly, you were angry at yourself for being so stubborn. Why were you being prideful and letting the anger stop you from making sure he was alright?

You: are you alive

Peter Parker: yes

Peter Parker: go to sleep

Peter Parker: see you tomorrow?

You: yes. good night.

SERIES TAGLIST {ask to be added}:

@msmimimerton @zendayasfwb @sweet-symphony

[collectionoftulips]

Right, I've done enough life admin (cleaning and what not) and had my coffee so will get around to answering comments and commentary from the last two chapters that you were so kind enough to leave me. I will also offer unsolicited thoughts that no one asked for because... well, I wanna share my thought process ;) All that good stuff under the cut

@angel-starbeam Anthony's heart broke and it's sad and I'm pretty sure he got the wrong idea about Kate and Dorset. 😭 Can't wait for the next chapter.

Reply: I know - it's so sad 😢 Won't say too much about Kate and Dorset's backstory and what happened there as I will address it in a bit (but if it still isn't clear I guess I'll clarify later). These poor self-suppressing fools (I mentioned in a comment on AO3 that I feel like this fic might be a PSA for the virtues of clear communication in relationships and I feel like that might be true 😂). Thank you so much for always being such a lovely supportive commenter - I've really enjoyed reading your comments

@kateschechterxthorwasmyfirstotp Ouch, Dorset’s role here is interesting and hopefully he will eventually be a catalyst for KA to talk to each other, since some of the story’s force points - bee scene and Edwina engagement are not happening with the new timeline, which could allow these two to continue being idiots not dealing with their issues a long time. It is lovely to think years of being torn down by the Sheffields and society will be fixed by assurance of her family’s love, but both of their issues are clearly present. This chapter and the next are sort of bookends showing how much farther they still have to go. And I do wonder historically if KA would be able to pull of the tricky mistress to wife conversion, and if Kate would even want to since she has experienced a taste of a life of independence and a very different world.

Reply: Obviously I will be an asshole and not say what I've got planned coming up, but thank you for such a lovely comment. That's really what I wanted to convey and it makes me really happy to see it seemingly succeeding 😄 I guess one major reason also why I have so clearly decided not to do the bee scene (for now? who knows?) and also kinda dipped out of the idea of Anthony-being-engaged-to-Edwina pretty early (aside from the fact that it wouldn't really make sense to me considering how Anthony behaved from just a touch or a kiss, if he was sleeping with her, his subconscious would definitely be like 'nope, no one else for you this is it') was that the issues that both Anthony and Kate deal with as characters are pretty deep-rooted. The TV show naturally had to have external events prompting the story forward but I guess through the process of writing this story, I'm learning that I'm really enjoying the psychological exploration and the knots we as people tie ourselves in. That's kind of what I like and, with the risk of sounding pretentious, I guess I sort of like a more calm and melodic pace that doesn't suit a bunch of plot points in one chapter. I also didn't want to create a scenario where I changed one thing (the Sheffields being like 10% more awful on top their already spectacular awfulness) and then gradually revert to the show format (no shade at all to people who do that though, I love stories like that!), but instead that changed thing kind of changes everything and ripples through the entire story. Sorry for the dissertation, but I guess I'm just saying I seem to have made things more difficult for myself, but I'm sort of enjoying the challenge - I just hope I pull it off properly. Hope the planting went well? 72 plants sound like a lot (and from google, they look very pretty!) so well done :D

I hope I didn't miss anyone's comment but I went back on the past two chapters to copy the responses I could see in (but I don't trust Tumblr anymore haha)

I also got a comment from AO3 saying that I was sort of replicating the Siena/Anthony dynamic and that Anthony is basically doing the same sort of projecting-daydream thing. I'm sort of including it here because I think it's a really important point and made me think (which I appreciated). I hope I have done enough to distinguish how K/A were different to S/A, even though they start off in pretty similar places because obviously in this story Kate and Siena basically share the same class position vis-a-vis the ton. Also, with the lack of external dynamics like engagement-to-Edwina, Anthony isn't forced (yet) to really process his issues quite just yet. Anyway, that's been kind of my logic around it, but I'd welcome more thoughts on it. Because, bare minimum, if I'm not making it clear enough, I might have to consider how to make it clearer going forward.

Anyways, thank you so much everyone for all your comments and support. I really deeply appreciate it. When I said before that I'm very self conscious about my writing style, I meant it, because the kind of phrasing I like writing I know can veer very near a bit too verbose and runs the risk of being pretentious, so I appreciate you all for helping me feel confident enough to post my scribbling. ❤️

[iwritethat]

Wally West: One

A/N: This was a detour from what I was doing. Oops.

Warnings: None

>>>>——————————>

"M'gann?"

"Yes."

"The cute alien chic?" You thought of the girl, clarifying it was indeed the correct one.

"Yes."

"And you're sure this one is the one because you said that 3 girls ago."

"Yes... I mean no, I don’t know - look can you please help me (Y/n)." Wally playfully pleaded with you like he’d done on multiple occaisions prior to this and you could only shrug in defeat.

"Sure but my conditions remain the same."

"I know, no bragging, pizza on me, you pick the film for the next 3 weeks."

"And?" You mockingly coaxed, knowing how much the next particular demand pained him which was evident in his deadpan but reluctant tone.

"And no mocking your dates."

"Good."

.

The following day you’d stategically accompanied Kid Flash on a visit to Mount Justice, the sight of you two together was no surprise to Robin, Aqualad nor Speedy though the remainder were intrigued by the mysterious stranger so Wally proudly made introductions.

"Hey M'gann, Conner, this is (Y/n)."

"Ah, this is who you love so much to talk about!" The Martian beamed grasping your hands as you shot a glare to a flustered Wally, the guy sheepishly running a hand through his strands.

"Is this your... girlfriend?" Superboy casually inquired after thinking of the correct terminology, yet again leaving you to wonder what your friend has been saying about you in your absence - also considering the implication this’d have on your scheme.

"No! Definitely not! I'm totally single, just because I've told you about (Y/n) doesn't mean we're dating. We're not dating by the way." Wally briskly recovered, blush fading as he emphasised his point specifically for the sake of M'gann.

"Nice to meet you both. Ah Kaldur!" You lit up once seeing the Atlantean, immediately embracing his form just as he did to you in hopes of catching up with him.

"It's been a while (Y/n), you look well."

"(Y/n) is here? Looking as lovely as ever, surprised you're still hanging with Wally though, you're way out of his league." Robin proudly joked as he walked toward you, genuinely happy to see you again and a girl called Artemis agreed with him despite only recently learning your name - supposedly teasing Wally was a commodity amount the Team.

"I'm here for training, Canary said she'd activated the sparring platform so I wanted to test it." With a content shrug you set your plan in motion, gesturing over to the designated area as indication.

Now you were very well trained, the team knew that so it wasn't a surprise when every single member landed with a 'FAIL' until Wally challenged your winning streak. You went two rounds, the first you played to his strengths allowing him to take you down with his speed and received the only 'PASS' of the day. M'gann cheered, flying over with questions and compliments whilst you comfortably sat up and proudly watched Wally bask in the desired attention. Meanwhile got to your feet, brushing yourself only to be met with a smirking Robin beside your figure.

"I know what you're doing and you are good at it, but I don't think it's gonna work."

"Does it ever work with Wally? He's never met a girl he's really caught deep feelings for but I'm only in it for the free food he's promised me." Came your knowing reply, softly smirking at Robin who seemed to disagree but accepted your justification nonetheless.

"There is one y'know..."

"Hey (Y/n) ready to get your ass whooped by the best there is? Fastest kid alive babe." The speedster smugly gained your deadly gaze, his boasting violating the agreement you’d struck less than 24 hours ago and thus not giving you a chance for Robin to elaborate like you’d wished.

This time you would not allow him a victory, like the others you took him out with a mischievous smile and then crouched over his waist whilst he leaned up on his elbows to meet you.

"No. Bragging." You raised a brow, tilting his chin towards you as you punctuated each word as a reminder before heading out. Although your plan had still succeeded to a degree, you walked backwards finding the Martian kneeling down to your friend inquiring about his condition as you winked at him - Wally seemingly impressed with your antics, as he usually was whenever he roped you into these scenarios.

.

You retained your attentive skills, even talking him up to M'gann but it became painfully obvious that her romantic affections were reserved for a certain clone which left you disappointed albeit pleased for her. Now, you had to break the news to Wally - you'd considered such measures while sitting against the wall in one of the Mountains many hallways bouncing a ball off of the other side as a form of contemplation.

Soon enough your felt a familiar comforting presence beside you, catching the ball and initiating a harmless game between the two of you.

"What's on your mind?" Wally knew you incredibly well, narrowing down I even the smallest quirks and he'd use that to his advantage.

"Nothing, but I'm afraid you might have to give up on M'gann."

"I know. Supes right?" He didn't seemed phased by your sympathetic disclosure, which surprised you slightly due to how long he’d spent gushing over the girl.

"Yeah, sorry West."

"It's alright. Thanks for trying, I'll still get you that pizza."

"But I didn't...?" His response was unexpected, leaving you somewhat speechless but he soon continued with conversation before you could finish, no evidence of heartbreak to be seen.

"That Dan guy you went out with? (Y/n) c'mon you're stunning, and he didn't even offer to pay the full check at the coffee shop. You deserve so much better, his flirting game was awful too." Wally reminisced on the details you’d cruelly given knowing he wouldn’t able to comment due to you deal, although such a thing was now void and you’d regretted that decision. Yet part of you enjoyed his mocking support.

"So I get the pizza but have to suffer your judgements for not getting you a date? I'm sure you have something to say about Jackson too." You threw your head back with an exaggerated sigh, Wally laughing as he replied.

"Don't get me started..."

.

How unaffected Wally seemed about the let down still puzzled you, although you believed something else must've attained his focus - not that you had any indication of what it was as you sat flicking through the channels.

"So... there's another girl." There it is.

"Dude, are you kidding me? Give yourself a month at least."

"No this one is the one, I know it." His tone was oddly confident compared to his usual dilemmas regarding that topic which automatically gained your full attention.

"Uh Huh. And when did you meet her? Love at first sight or whatever?"

"I've known her longer than a few days give me some credit here. But it wasn't at first sight, I didn't even notice it was happening or rather happened..." Wally's point was certainly more realistic in comparison and he was being truthful - again, maybe this peculiar circumstance held promise.

"You know my terms an-" You simply shrugged, assuming he wanted your assistance once more which dulled your growing investment slightly.

"No, not for this one."

"Hot damn, this woman must be special. Tell me everything!" That decision shocked you and it was evident in your tone, you excitedly encouraged him to indulge your lowkey interrogation since he never turned down your assistance.

"Yes she definitely is, but I don't know what to do for her y'know?"

"Romantic restaurant? Roses? Tell her over a romantic dinner." You listed things instantly, barely stopping for a breather.

"Would you want all that though?" Wally considered your ideas, furrowing his brows before he asked his question even if his posture radiated nervousness despite the confident facade he’d attempted to convey.

"Hah, no way! Honestly I'd love a chill night in, order a take out, put on a good series and just enjoy each other's company. I mean roses are nice too but I want to know my date likes me enough to relax and be themselves - you can't really do that in a fancy restaurant. Anyway, you should probably find out what this girl likes first." You simply smiled, giving him an honest opinion and advice for you felt he'd finally found someone more than just a crush to him.

"I guess..."

It was silent for a moment until familiar words echoed in your mind 'There is one y'know...' and instantly you stood up with your realisation.

"I know who it is!"

"What?! How?!" Wally snapped to with concern evident in his expression like a deer in headlights, unbeknownst to you why that was but he too halted in his tracks.

"Dick told me, I don't believe it Wally - it's great!" Now you had Artemis in your head, they'd hated one another at first so it certainly made sense that he'd grown to like her. They'd also kissed at New Years Eve or so you'd heard.

"Robin told you I liked you?! Are you kidding? He only knows because I thought he had a crush on you." That answer caught you off guard, practically disintegrating your ability to form a coherent sentence or even think straight due to the abruptness of it.

"Wait me? I didn't, um, I can't, since when? All the times I've been helping you with girls I... I..."

"Wait you didn't know? Okay stay there, I'm doing this again!" Wally held his hands out in defence, soon disappearing leaving you standing alone with your thoughts. A dangerous thing really.

Did you even have feelings for him? Quite possibly, that would explain why you occasionally compared dates to him and why you were always so willing to help him find his happiness but surely you wouldn't have suppressed them? It was so confusing.

Within a minute he appeared before you, a single red rose in hand and sheepish smile.

"I'm late I know that but there's no pressure for you. This is not how I expected you to find out, I aimed to flirt with you and only you before making a move so it wasn't thrown on you so suddenly but here we are. Guess I'm not great with girls without you."

With a mischievous grin, you pulled him close by his red hoodie and gently met his lips with your own and you couldn't deny how right it felt - an action you’d hope would quell the warring emotions. You pulled apart, his arms wrapped around your waist and yours on his shoulders.

"You're actually quite adequate, I'm just as surprised as you are."

"Oh you're hilarious." He matched your witty sarcasm, but still you find his happiness intoxicating.

"Can we, um could we take things slow? I know that's ironic to ask the fastest kid alive but please."

"I'd slow down for you, I want to take my time in every moment I get so it won't be a problem (Y/n). I promise." Despite the trace of concern in your voice, Wally was reassuring and sincere with his words so you both felt comfortable in whatever situation you'd crafted.

"So, I assume you won't be mocking my dates anymore."

"I think every date you'll have from now on is gonna be too great for me judge. Ah too bad, I know how much you loved me doing that." The speedster playfully responded with a knowingly satisfied smirk to which you threw him an 'are you serious?' expression.

Later, as you both sat comfortably on Wallys' bed eating pizza whilst a film played in the background, you received simultaneous texts from none other than Dick Grayson - his smugness translated even in a message.

[Dickiebird: Told you so.]

[toomanyfandoms02]

The Transporter -Part Two- // Spencer Reid x Reader

Well here is part two of this whole new thing. I hope you guys like it :)

Word count ~ 2,630

It was a weird feeling. It took mere seconds but I could feel all of it.

It was like stretching, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was just odd.

I stumbled a bit, taking in my surroundings. It was a nice little apartment, I was set in the kitchen. Ahead of me I could see what looked like two bedrooms, a bathroom and the kitchen/dining room was connected. There was an older looking laptop sitting on the dining table with a sign next to it.

*You're gonna need this at the bureau! Good luck :) I'll see you soon. (Hopefully with an update on Spencer? ;))*

I shoved the laptop in the case that was neatly set on the table, slinging it over my shoulder and staring at my new home. I couldn't believe this was happening. And I don't think it's ever going to register completely.

A loud knock brought me out of my trance, I was at the door quickly, greeted by a giddy woman.

"Hello! You must be y/n. Your sister said you would probably be here today. I'm Amanda, your landlord." She shook my hand enthusiastically. I assume that Christine introduced herself as my sister.

"Yeah, Chris said this was a nice place. I unfortunately think I need to be going. I think I'm suppose to be introducing myself at my new job."

"Ah yes! At the FBI. Good luck to you." She moved from my way and I had her point me towards the BAU.

Christine was correct, the BAU was only a 10 minute walk from my apartment. I was literally shaking with nerves and excitement. I had dreamed for *years* of meeting Spencer Reid, more realistically Matthew Gray Gubler. But now that it was happening? I was almost too scared to do it.

Almost.

I walked into the doors instantly being questioned by a young man at the front desk. "Are you looking for someone? Can I have a name?"

"Y/n y/l/n, and I'm looking for Aaron Hotchner. I believe I'm suppose to be introducing myself today, I'm a new recruit."

"Ah I see, the new profiler." He nodded, looking at the screen. He then gave me a floor number and I headed up. I was cracking my knuckles the whole way up, it was a nervous tick. As soon as the doors opened I recognized many people.

JJ was hunched over her desk obviously reviewing a case file. Hotch, Derek and Rossi were in Hotch's office discussing something. That's when I saw the reason I had even considered this completely. Reid and Emily were staring at the board in the conference room. Emily was clearly trying to point more things out so Reid could put together a proper profile.

I knew I had to keep my composure and be professional. I *also* realized I have to act like I don't know everything about these people. So I calmly walked to Hotchs office and knocked lightly on the door. Rossi opened the door with his eyebrows knit together.

"Do you need something? Have a case to propose?"

I was a little frozen. Seeing one of your idols up close was a little...*overwhelming*. How was I gonna act when I was around Spencer?

"Oh! Uh, no. I'm the new recruit?" It came out as a question, which I'm sure confused him even more. I shot my hand out to him to shake. "Y/n y/l/n. My sister said she briefed you on my experience." That was a small lie, I was just assuming and **hoping** she did. He smiled, taking my hand.

"Yes of course. Come on in." He swung the door open further so I could enter the office. Derek was leaned on a chair in front of Hotch, who was sitting at his desk. "I'm David Rossi, this is Derek Morgan and this is Aaron Hotchner, our unit chief." I shook Derek and Hotchners hands, they were just as welcoming as I had hoped. We discussed a few things before we were on out way to the conference room. I began cracking my knuckles again. Hotch looked down at me, I quickly realized he was attempting to profile me, and clearly succeeding.

"There's nothing to be nervous about Ms. Y/l/n. You will fit in perfectly here." He reassured. I nodded, shoving my hands in my pockets to only slightly prevent myself from cracking them profusely.

Then there I was, entering the heavily windowed conference room. I had recognized the photos on the board since I had watched Criminal Minds so many times.

"Oh my god Cold Comfort." I muttered to myself. That was the name of the episode. It was the case where a man had been embalming his victims while alive. I had landed myself on the exact date of a pretty important case.

"Hmm?" Derek questioned me. Hearing me whisper a bit. I just shook my head with a nervous smile.

Emily had turned around to wave but Spencer kept his face glued to the board, which I was partially grateful for.

"That is Doctor Spencer Reid and Emily Prentiss. This is our new recruit, Agent y/n y/l/n. She has a degree in Criminal Justice, she also minored in psychology and sociology. She has been profiling in a different department for four years and I've been told she is quite talented at it." At that comment Specer had whipped around. He was holding a dry erase marker in his mouth and a pen in his hand. It was taking every single cell in me to not squeal just a little bit. So I just smiled.

"Will you profile me?" He asked, pulling the marker from his mouth and setting it on some papers the were strewn across the large table. I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Well statistically speaking if you have been doing this for several years, you *should* be pretty good at it. Considering you are being complimented on it implies that you are slightly above average for the actual limited years you have been doing it. So will you profile me?"

Are you kidding? I knew him like the back of my hand, this was going to be way to easy.

"Alright." I stood up a little straighter and smoothed out the skirt I was wearing. "You didn't have a particularly nuclear family kind of childhood. You lick your lips a lot, you've done it 4 times since I've been standing in this room, this is commonly learned from anxiety at a young age. I assume you have a pretty good IQ, considering you didn't use any contractions. It shows sophistication. I'm guessing you graduated highschool *way* early, I'm thinking...twelve? You look pretty young to be doing this kind of job, kind of like me. And I've been told you have multiple PhD's, that takes a while, even if you're a genius. But I graduated when I was sixteen. Nothing too special, only 2 years early. And lastly, I would guess you have an eidetic memory, correct? Theres a notebook sitting next to you. It even has your name printed at the top. It was made for you. But you haven't touched it since I entered this floor from what I can tell. You don't need it because everything is permanently in your mind." I cracked my knuckles once more, trying to gauge him again.

He wiped his hand over his face. "Wow, uh, that is incredibly detailed and accurate. Have you read any of my articles online?" I shook my head. "You seriously have no prior knowledge of me?" I shook my head again, which is kind of a lie you know? I mean, I knew *everything* about him. I knew a lot of things about all of these people. But really I knew most about him. He was like an idol to me. "That is incredible. How long did you say you've been doing this?" He asked with a tilt of his head. I couldn't help but smile more, he was even cuter in person and it was almost hard to stand.

"Four years. I worked as an intern under my uncle. He's the one that inspires me most." I probably shouldn't be discussing my real family, saying as they definitely won't ever know of them. What are the chances they would even want to anyway?

"Well I would love to meet him one day, he clearly mentored you well." Spencer said, looking at me hopefully.

Well shit. "Uh, yeah, maybe one day." I looked over at the door, more looking away because I was totally lying and did not want to be profiled, but I then saw JJ.

"Oh, this is Jennifer Jareau. She usually goes by JJ. JJ, this is y/n y/l/n. Our new profiler." Hotch gestured to her. JJ smiled sincerely and shook my hand.

"It's great to meet you. I heard your sister talking about you, it's a pleasure to have you on the team." Clearly Christine has set me up for immense success, which I greatly appriciated. I sat at the table, ready to listen to the details of the case that I remembered a good bit about. I quickly tucked my laptop under my chair.

"So yesterday, Brooke Lombardini our victim. Had a call out from a disposable phone directed to her mother. It is kinda of suspicious and definitely statistically impossible to prove that it is even her because it's only a whisper-" Hotch cut him off with a stern look. Spencer huffed lightly, continuing. "Anyway. There is slight evidence that she is alive. We are looking for someone with medical experience, considering he has the tools to embalm. It also appears that he is doing it while they are still alive." At this point, I was pretty happy that I already knew a lot about this case. Because it was really hard to focus when he talked, I loved it. So for about half of the time I was just watching him talk.

After being briefed, JJ took me to my desk, where she began to explain who was who in the office. Of course I already knew everything about them, but I really just wanted JJ's opinion on them.

"So that hunk over there," she gestured to Derek, "He would probably take a bullet for anyone. He has a very good heart and he's very hard working."

"Is Mr. Hunk Morgan your hunk?" I already knew the answer, but I wanted to tease her.

"Oh. No no. This is my hunk." She pulled her wallet out, showing me a picture if Will. "Will is a cop in another city." She looked at the picture lovingly. "But Morgan does have a weird relationship with Garcia." She then nodded at Penelope.

"Penelope is a very sweet, and incredibly quirky woman who is a blessing to the team. She will immediately start calling you sweety when you officially meet her. I'll bet money on it." I giggled a little and pretended to take notes which got her to laugh. "Reid is a special kind of sweet. He constantly tries to keep people safe. He's obviously a genius. He will talk your ear off about anything until you tell him to stop, so don't even get him started. He doesn't read social queues very well." I shrugged, setting my head in my hand as I peered into the conference room.

"I think he's sweet." I *now* realized that I seemed like a complete creep for thinking that if I had only known him for an hour. "I mean, he seems sweet. It's always nice to have a genius around right?"

"Curse and a blessing. Anyway, Hotch is a hard-ass, but he would do anything for this team. He's a great leader. Emily can be stern sometimes. She knows how to get answers out of people and she doesn't take any shit. And I'm sure you know Rossi, from his books?"

"Yes! He's seems great to work with."

"Yes, definitely. It's a weird team, but I wouldn't trade then for the world."

"Well I'm glad that you guys are so caringly taking me into your family."

"Of course, you'll be one of us in no time."

It wasn't long before I was starting my trek home. The walk was was very peaceful. It gave me a long time to soak in this wonderful universe. I had to walk through a park to get home, and all I could think was

*Wow, I could get use to this*

Once I was home, I flopped down on the couch, thinking about netflix but guess what?

*Netflix started their streaming site only two years ago*

Well that idea is out the window. I decided I was going to turn to disney channel and bask in the best decade of disney shows. But that would have to wait until I came back, I wanted to report things to Christine.

I grabbed my 'Come Back Device' and went to press it when I was interrupted by a knock for the second time today. I dropped the device, it landing on the couch safely.

"Coming, hold on." I walked to the door opening it to the last person I expected to see.

The one and only, Spencer Reid.

"Uh hi. You kinda left this under your chair in the conference room." He presented my laptop to me. My cheeks flushed for a second, knowing it was because I was distracted in there.

"Oh, thank you! Wait how did you-"

"Don't worry, I'm not some stalker." He waved his hands in defence. "I just looked at your file so I could bring this to you. Which also sounds kind of stalkerish but that was definitely not my intention. But you should know, if I was a stalker I wouldn't have come to you directly, that would be too-" I cut him off, I couldn't let him torture himself like this.

"Hey, Dr. Reid, I don't think you're a stalker." I giggled, grabbing my laptop from his hand. "Thank you though, for bringing it to me." He looked a little past me, at the couch.

"It was my pleasure. You can also call me Spencer. What is that?" He began pointing at the device.

"Oh uh, it's for my Halloween costume this year."

"And you're starting it now? In February?"

"Yeah!" I said a little loudly and enthusiastically. I lowered my tone, trying to think of some character in this timeline it could represent.... Bingo! "It's for an Iron Man costume. Just wanted it to be accurate. I leaned against the door frame, partially blocking his view of it.

"You like Iron Man?" I nodded. "I agree. I think that Robert Downey Junior is the perfect fit for him. I think it helps that he has a sort of troubled past already to fit his character well." Before he could drag me into a conversation like this, I stopped him. I didn't want to stop him. I loved his little rants. But I knew if I was pulled into a Marvel discussion, I will talk for hours.

"Yeah! I'm so sorry. I would really, trust me, really like to keep talking, but I am so exhausted and I'm not sure I would be good company. Thank you so much again for bringing this to me Dr.- I mean Spencer." I lifted it up and smiled.

"Yes of course. Any time. See you tomorrow Agent y/l/n."

"You can call me y/n."

He smiled with a little salute, "y/n."

And then he was gone. I huffed, heading back inside incredibly flustered and down right anxious. I swiftly grabbed the device and pressed the button, opening the portal back.

I had a *lot* to tell Christine.

(Do you guys have an suggestions on how to continue? I have some ideas, but I want your guys' input :))

Tag List!!~~~

@dillxpixkles

@natibugg31

@onceupona-diamond

@buck-barn

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

Hi, I have a maybe strange problem - I keep having the urge to check the social media of my boyfriend's ex. This is not a jealousy/suspicion thing. For context, she was abusive towards him. I think I am trying to understand how someone can be like this. I have resisted for many months by rationalising that it's unhealthy and a waste of time, but the urge itself persists. How can I stop this urge? I'm not sure exactly why it exists. Thanks :)

I think this is a normal interaction. Is it healthy? That's a good question. Is it a waste of time? Most definitely. But I don't think this is an inherently bad thing that you're doing.

You're in a unique scenario. You are with your partner, you probably think they're pretty awesome, and you've probably heard quite a number of really awful things that this person has done. If this is the first time you've heard of someone being abusive to someone in your immediately sphere of influence, or if this is the worst example of it that you've seen in your personal life, it can be a bit shocking and confusing. How can someone have been SO HORRIBLE to someone I care about so much? Lots of thoughts can run through your head. Is it something my boyfriend did that made her act that way, and maybe I'm missing a red flag? Is she just that horrible of a person in general? If so, what made her so horrible? What is a red flag that I can look for in her behavior so I can see abusive behavior from people in my life in the future?

You said the right word in your message: rationalizing. This is you attempting to rationalize how an abuser can continue on in their life despite the terrible things they've done. You're trying to rationalize how this was even possible. And that's fine, because it means you're thinking critically. And I think everyone does this from time to time when they see something so GALLING that they just can't understand; your brain goes brrr at the very concept about how awful something is.

How can you stop the urge? Again, I don't think there's inherently anything WRONG with scratching this itch. You're not doing anything as long as you're not harassing anyone; if you're just looking on from afar and studying this like a zoologist of abusive exes, then that's not a bad thing. Just make sure you stay uninvolved and don't interact with this ex, and also don't talk about it at all with your partner, because they should have no more contact beyond anything he personally wants to engage in.

That being said, if you believe that your obsessive tendencies to analyze this ex is becoming problematic, then yeah, it's probably best to stop. How do you recognize if you've gone too far?

Are you losing sleep over this? If so, stop.

Are you becoming angry or frustrated over things she is doing? If so, stop.

Is this affecting your mood any time you engage with her? If so, stop.

Do you have better things to do? If so, stop, at least until you're finished with those things.

Another thing you can do is considering writing a small essay for yourself about their behavior, and what you've learned. It's fine to rationalize things in your head. But putting that shit on paper and properly trying to logic the whole thing out can help you put some finality to the "research" you've been doing, and what you've actually learned from the whole thing.

If you want to continue this analysis, just make sure you're setting limits upon yourself. It's fine to be curious, but don't devote time to this stupid person. Because you're a busy bee, and have plenty of things that are way more important to worry about that are not a crappy person from your partner's past. But again, don't feel weird for trying to rationalize things as you're doing.

To show you how to write an essay about your experiences analyzing someone, to show you that what you're doing isn't actually that strange, and mostly for my own selfishness, I'm going to write a brief essay below about a time where I did exactly what you are doing to someone who affected me in a similar way. You don't have to read it if you don't want, but it can show you how obsessive I got over it, and also is an example of how trying to force that shit into words through summary and recollection can help you put the situation to rest so you can move on with your life.

_________

An example from my own life. I wanted to teach in Japan. I applied for the program that would allow me to do so, and almost got in, but I eventually got turned down. I then heard, a year later, that a random person got into the same program, at the time when I would've been hired. They were kicked out of the program summarily after. Why? How did they get into a program I really wanted to get into, yet I didn’t and they did; furthermore, how were they KICKED OUT of the prestigious program I wanted to be apart of? How could they have been so irresponsible?

Turns out that they had extreme schizophrenia and BPD (two major health conditions that are supposed to be taken into account when applying for the program), and while in Japan working at their elementary school, they decided to go off their meds. When they went off their meds, they decided they had a crush on a co-worker, and started dating them. They got into an argument one day, and it upset her. She decided to go to her partner’s house and sit on the porch until he made up with her. He obviously found out about this after he got off of work, and noped the fuck out of there, because he was being actively stalked at his home. The police were called, and the girl called the police "fascists" and accused them of being "pedophiles" and "raping her" because she was sitting in a manner where her full-ass pussy was exposed because she wasn't wearing underwear under her skirt (you can't make this shit up). Obviously, the cops called her job, and she got deported.

I was aghast. Here I am, imminently qualified for this job, but she got it instead, despite her health conditions. Then, not only was she irresponsible in the position, but she literally stalked someone, got reported to police, lost her job, and deported from the country. How could I not get this job but she could? What did she do right that I didn't, because everything I'm seeing, she did many obvious things very wrong.

So, like you, I irrationally followed her on social media. Instead of going home to USA (where apparently her family had disowned her), she went from Japan to Russia, making her way to Moscow, and then to central Europe where she apparently had some friends. This led her to Germany, where she got in trouble with the police for illegal substances and being intoxicated in public. She bounced from Germany to The Netherlands, where she found a place to live. Stayed there a bit, getting high on all manner of drugs, until she apparently got kicked out of her friend's place. She lived homeless for awhile, until the police picked her up, and sent her to a sanatorium. She claimed she was being unlawfully held against her will, even though she was literally ranting and raving on social media about all manner of racist, homophobic, and sexist shit, pooping on the floor, refusing to wear clothing or cooperate with the doctors, clearly off her meds, completely lost to the world, only occasionally having lucid moments during 12+ hour livestreams from her sanatorium.

She was eventually let out and deported, but this time she was forced to go back to her home in Georgia, USA. She was told to report to the local police department, and then to the doctor to renew her medication (which the sanatorium prescribed her). She got to the USA, threw her medication in the trash (she had apparently been faking taking the medication for some time), and went to her friend's house in Atlanta. There, she got in a fight, and got kicked out. She was homeless for a long time, but instead of letting that get her down, she was screaming racist things at black people in the public parks, and somehow attended MomoCon even though she said she was broke and had no money??? She got taken to another sanatorium at some point, was eventually released, and then somehow got inducted into a master's program at the local university (even though she still had no home or money). And that's where I last checked in on her.

What did I learn from that fuckin' wild story? Because you probably lost the point somewhere halfway through, as did I. The reason I got so obsessive about this chick is because I was upset that she got a job and I didn't. So through all that rationalizing I did what did I actually LEARN? 

Well, I learned that she's crazy, obviously. And I learned that I was jealous of her for getting the job I thought I deserved, and was watching her ongoing failures in some weird manner of spite. And I was also just flabbergasted, because it was like watching a trainwreck, and I couldn't look away, because I've never seen someone like her bounce around between so many crazy adventures, failing every step along the way, and still somehow succeeding? And how did she get all these prestigious decisions despite being homeless, off her meds, and doing terrible things? Likely because she lied about her qualifications and never got caught in her lies. It was a time.

[mads-maddie-madison]

Antithetical -part 2

(Hawthorne!Michael)

//NOTE// I hope this part is more fulfilling than the last. It is slightly edited, but it was done in the middle of class so we’ll see how that goes, lol.

Summary: After Robichaux's supreme, Cordelia Foxx, allows Hawthorne's own Boy Wonder, Michael Langdon, to attempt the test of the Seven Wonders, y/n has a problem accepting that. She will stop at nothing to prove he is anything but the next supreme, even if that means attempting the test herself.

Warnings: Light Angst, sexual tension (?)

Word Count: 1.8k

xx

I groaned, slamming my laptop shut. My eyes were throbbing, dry. They felt like they were ashes left by the coals of a burning fire. I had been studying for three days now, no break in sight, at least not until after Sunday afternoon. I rubbed my eyes, looking at the time. Eleven-thirty-two, I had been at this for almost four hours. Shuffling out of my chair, I made my way towards the door. I at least needed something to eat before I spent the rest of my day head deep in grimoires.

"And where do you think you're going?" I internally groaned at the malicious voice, words dripping with arrogance. "And why do you care, Langdon?" I refused to stop, continuing my strides down the white hallway, trying to focus on the photos of past witches rather than Michael's presence behind me, following my every step. "Well Miss y/l/n, I'm only looking out for your well being, seeing as how you'll need every moment of studying you can get if you want to even have a chance against myself." Every moment I spoke to him, it felt like his ego inflated. I didn't believe I could feel so much resentment towards another human being, if that's even what you'd call him. "You're so confident that you'll succeed, what makes you think I won't?" I cascaded my way down the stairs focusing myself towards the kitchen, glancing back at him. His posture all the same as it was three days ago. Hands held behind his back, chest broadened to show dominance. His blonde hair swept to the sides, and the same black uniform that all the Hawthorne warlocks wore. I made a mental note to make sure I looked as prepared as he does on Sunday. "It's blatantly obvious y/n, I've seen your reports. You're mediocre in all your classes. Not to mention, you've shown no abilities that even begin to compare to mine." That damn smirk spread across his face again, oh how badly I wanted to smack it off. "Just like how it's blatantly obvious that you're a self-absorbed, conceded asshole?" He chuckled, knowing he was getting a rise out of me. I reached over the counter, grabbing a red apple from the bowl in the center. "I can assure you, Mr. Langdon, that you most definitely have competition this Sunday. I would jump off of that high horse of yours before you fall." Biting into the apple as I made direct eye contact with him, his ice blue eyes staring straight back at me. Had he not been such an arrogant, self-centered jackass, I may even think he was beautiful. He said nothing, just continued to look straight through me. As if he was reading everything about me by a simple look. "I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to discourage me, you want me to question myself and my own abilities. I can promise you it's not going to work." With that I walked out of the kitchen, the feeling of his eyes glaring into my back as I left the room.

I knew what he was trying to do, if he discouraged me it was likely that I'd do worse in the seven wonders. I sighed as I looked back towards my desk, the mountain of books and papers spread across the surface. I had already mastered telekinesis, having had been one of my original abilities when I first arrived at Robichaux. Concilium followed, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a challenge. I decided I needed help, so I texted Mallory asking for her to meet me in my room. "What did you need help with?" I looked up from my book as Mallory walked through my bedroom door. "Concilium, I need someone to practice on." She nodded in understanding, sitting across my bed. "Alright well before you do anything, just please, nothing embarrassing." I chuckled at her, "Agreed." I turned my chair, focusing on Mallory. I focused my thought on making her stand, grabbing the random shirt that was thrown onto the floor and imagining her folding it. I had stared at her for what felt like forever, nothing was happening. "This is ridiculous!" I sighed in frustration, "You're thinking too hard y/n. Don't stress it, let your mind flow freely." I let out a deep breath of air, I knew she was right. Maybe Michael had gotten to me earlier, this shouldn't be so difficult. I reverted my attention back to Mallory, "Alright, let's try this again." I freed my mind of any thought of Michael, of the test, any worry I had to think of. Slowly, I watched Mallory stand and walk towards the corner where my shirt resided. Picking it up, she walked towards the bed, folding it neatly and setting it down. "See y/n, you just have to be stress free."

Pyrokinesis was next, I grabbed the candle that sat on my nightstand. Running my hand over the wick, I watched the flame ignite. I smiled to myself, I had succeeded in three of the seven wonders, at least I was getting somewhere. "Alright Mallory, I need you to help me with divination." She agreed and walked out of the room, not returning for what felt like five minutes. "Okay, you need to find something that once belonged to Cordelia." I nodded, I closed my eyes, focusing on the energy that engulfed the rooms atmosphere, I allowed my thoughts to bring me towards the object of my desire. I stood up, walking out of my room and down the hall towards the end where a pot full of decorative wooden sticks rested. Reaching out I grabbed Cordelia's old support cane, from when she was attacked by her father-in-laws pets. "Is this it?" I questioned, facing Mallory, "yes."

Transmutation was anything but a challenge, so far I had this under my belt. The ball seemed to be in my court. Now I had to focus on Vitalum Vitalis, I grabbed the dead rose from my bed that I had gotten from the garden earlier. It just so happened to be one of the unfortunate few that didn't get enough sunlight. I bent over the rose, leaning my head down towards the red flower. I lightly blew onto it, attempting to transfer my own life force into the unlucky plant. I watched the petals slowly rejuvenate, lifting themselves up from a crippled, dried up mess to a soft, delicate rose once again. The shriveled up brown stem became a vibrant shade of green again, full of life. Now I could focus on the most challenging task; descensum.

This was the one I feared, the thing that would determine life or death. If I fail, my soul would be stuck in my own personal hell for eternity, whatever plan for a life ahead of me gone within the blink of an eye. I considered pushing it off for Sunday, if I were to die, then I could die attempting to save my coven. But if I attempted it now, and failed, I could die in the comfort of my own bed, quietly and peacefully. Mallory sat on my bed, silently watching me as I practiced. I glanced towards the clock for the second time today, four-fifty-seven. I inhaled a large sum of air, before slowly exhaling as I made my final decision. I would be no coward, I will practice descensum, but I won't attempt it until the day of the test. If I'm going to die, I'm going to go out proudly instead of hiding out behind the confinement of my own four walls.

xx

It was nearly one-thirty in the morning now, time had gotten away from me. The only thing that mattered was my passing of the test. The test that was in two days, I should be resting, knowing every minute of sleep was a gift. Every moment of peace mattered, in two days my life will forever be changed. For the better or the worst, I don't know. I had been laying here, tossing and turning for the majority of the time I had been in bed. Thinking of the different possibilities as to how this could end. If I passed, Michael wouldn't, if Michael passed, then I wouldn't. Each thought raking my mind, one right after another. I turned, facing the window, staring at the front yard. The thought of how Zoe had failed transmutation, ending up laid out across the forks of the gate. Suddenly it occurred to me that I was not the only one risking my life to complete this task, Michael was too. While I had hoped that I passed, I became worried at the thought of him failing in the worst way possible, my heart dropped to my stomach. ' Why do you care about him y/n?' I thought to myself, 'You barely know him, he means nothing to you.' I still thought the worst, Michael may be arrogant, but I surely didn't want him to die. Did I?

'No of course not! You'd never wish death upon anyone.'

"Thinking of me?" My head snapped to the doorway I hadn't noticed was open. My eyes met the tall dark figure that was Michael Langdon. "What are you doing in my room?" I immediately sat up, suddenly feeling exposed due to my sense of vulnerability. "My dear y/n, your thoughts are consuming." He urged forward, coming closer to the end of my bed. "So you're clairvoyant as well? Good to know," I huffed, pulling my blanket up to cover my tank top adorned torso. "Well I tend to listen in when I'm the main topic. Worried for me are we?" Even though I couldn't exactly see it due to the darkness of the room, I could practically hear the signature smirk on his face. "Why would I worry for you?" I attempted to rebuttal, trying my best to hide my thoughts, not wanting him to learn anything further. This time he sat at the edge of my bed, slowly leaning over me. His face now lit by the light of the moon shining through my window. "Don't deny it Miss y/l/n," he slowly reached his right hand up to push a strand of hair behind my ear. "I think we both know I mean a little bit more to you than you'd care to admit." He was so close I could smell the mint on his breath. He leaned a little bit closer, mouth resting over the lobe of my ear. I could feel the heat of his breath as he spoke, "Good luck Sunday." Suddenly I was alone again, the ghost of his words haunting me to sleep. Did I care for him more than I'd care to admit?

[helloandwelcometomariasblog]

Review #91: Sister

Written by Xiaoying You, Directed by Ruoxin Yin

Sister immediately caught my attention for two reasons: It's an Asian film, and it's about family. After watching the trailer, I knew I had to go see it at the cinemas. There seemed to be aspects of it that I really liked - family members unable to love each other with nobody specific to blame. I really wanted to know how the characters would resolve that. And so I went to see it.

I was disappointed and not invested maybe a third of the film. I was slowly won over during two-thirds of the film, then by the end, I was bawling. Really. And the film remained with me for a while after that too.

The reason I wasn't invested at first was, I think, pretty simple. The main character was such a biatch. Yes, I understood her - she had enough reasons to be that biatch, but nobody actually wants to see the main character really be one. We could all see why she hated her brother and why she felt she wasn't responsible. We could all see that she wasn't loved as much as her brother was while her parents were alive. We could all see that her family members were also inconsiderate, pushing her to take care of her little brother despite the abuse she herself had gone through. We could also see that her brother was being a pain from time to time, and that she had her own life and her own plans - she was smart and wanted to be a doctor and also get married to her long-term boyfriend.

BUT. But despite all that, the second most important character is a little boy. A child. Moreover, he's a child who has just lost both parents. He doesn't even know what death means, what grief means, and here he is thrown around like a soccer ball, from heartless person to heartless person. And nobody wants to keep him. I just couldn't empathize with the main character when here was a child who was being forced to live through grief and constant abandonment by himself. Like what the fuck? Maybe I was even more angry because I have a little brother with around the same age difference. I don't think I could ever give my brother up to adoption regardless of whatever happened between me and my parents. Hating parents is one thing, abandoning a child is another.

Also, that child just went through something incredibly traumatic that even adults struggle with. Of course he needs more care and attention during this time. But he doesn't get it (in fact he gets the exact opposite, right in front of his face) and you're surprised and angry that he's acting out? That's his way of crying out for help. And what does the sister do? Become a biatch, that's what.

I just honestly could not empathize with her. And this lack of empathy and relatability made it initially very hard to become immersed in the film. I constantly found myself empathizing with the little brother instead and feeling really sorry for him. It really didn't help that he was a child. Children already have the image of being helpless and weak, and the film put that child in an even more vulnerable situation with a sister who literally wants to abandon him and overtly hates him. Like, come on.

This sister slowly starts changing as the film progresses. It's true that the beginning of the film may have been more realistic than others. The sister had issues she had to resolve within herself and the film may have just shown that in the most dirtiest and realest way possible, with no sugar coating. If that's what the film intended, I gotta say it succeeded. I'm just glad I stuck with it because it was incredibly cathartic seeing the sister heal herself as the film goes on. It surely doesn't happen immediately though, which I loved. It took quite a long time (which is probably why the film is over two hours long), but it was time well-spent, and more realistic too.

The sister goes back and forth many times, but that makes it even more real. There are moments when she advocates for her brother and takes care of him, and then the next moment she's back to wanting her own life and giving him up to adoption. The back-and-forth movements become more and more dramatic as time goes on, and the sister finds it harder and harder to emotionally detach herself from her brother. The film does all of this gradually, which is one of its strongest points. It reflects real life better.

A standout scene for me is when the sister goes to visit her brother after sitting her exams, and she finds her brother playing mahjong with a damn cigarette tucked behind his ear. I honestly gasped at that scene, and would have reacted exactly the same way the sister did - yell and scream at the uncle and drag little brother out of there. We're then led to a really heartwarming scene where the sister bathes her brother at the apartment during golden hour, sunlight pouring through the glass. I'm trying to remember the dialogue during that scene. I'm sure it was something really warm.

What I also loved was how, even after this heartwarming scene, the sister still decides to leave to Beijing. It felt way more realistic than some other family movies where it doesn't take much for the person to give up their desires for the younger being. It's shown during another standout scene where the siblings lie in bed, having a talk before going to sleep. The little brother asks her if she still wants to go to Beijing and why. The sister answers honestly and we can all tell that she really dreams of this life that she's planned out. The sad thing is that the brother is included in that 'we'. I didn't know during that scene, but in the following scenes, I realised that he understood exactly what his sister wanted.

It was really crazy how the little brother left his sister on his own accord and gave himself up to adoption just so his sister could pursue her dreams. As much as I loved that beat, I found myself seriously wondering: is that realistic? That a six year old boy would be that deeply sacrificial? He's probably the most sacrificial and loving character in the film, even more than his sister. It was a great beat though, one of the best in the movie. It was heartbreaking seeing him cry, unable to tell his sister why he chose to leave her. It was like a drama scene where one of the leads forces themselves to leave their partner and be all noble and sacrificial. Still not sure if it's realistic for a six year old to do that though. It's kind of sad even thinking of it. A child doing something even most adults wouldn't do. The brother really had to grow up and mature at a super young age. It's sad. I wonder what kind of teenager and adult he will be in the future. I hope he gets to resolve the hurts inside of him too as he grows up.

And so the sister actually buys the ticket for Beijing and prepares to leave. Again, I loved this. I loved how the film took us till the very end of the end before resolving things. The film really made us believe the sister would leave. And to be honest, I understood her and didn't blame her for deciding to pursue her dreams. I sat there wondering how they would actually resolve things. The ending scene is definitely one of my favourites, maybe even the favourite. I loved how the sister was given an ultimatum: you can leave, but if you leave, you've gotta sign the paper to say you'll never come to see your brother ever again. It was a great choice. There was so much at risk on both sides. It was a moment where I genuinely wasn't sure what she would do - I knew she loved both her brother and her dream and held both of them dearly. Both of them were precious.

I held my breath when she hesitated, pen hovering over the paper. Then she throws the pen down and runs out to her brother, and when her little brother turns to her, his eyes are full of tears. My heart. My heart. My damn heart! I bawled there, the tears just flowed. The brother had been pretending to be okay and holding all tears back, thinking that his sister would feel bad if she saw him cry and she'd give up her dreams. That's just too much for a six year old, I swear. He finally lets it out when he knows she still wants and loves him. That was both incredibly painful and cathartic to watch. What an amazing climax and resolution.

I also liked how the sister resolved her own deep issues before finally going back to her brother. I believe it's shown in the scene where she visits her parents' grave on the rainy day and cries to them. There was a hint of the start of her healing when she cries and lets out her honest feelings during night in front of her parents' pictures. The rainy day she rips the paper and is again honest to her parents' grave, is a great scene. I also loved the part where she comes down the stairs, and it's a long shot with rainwater flooding down the steps like a beautiful waterfall. It made me want to film something like that in the future. Felt like things were being washed away.

So yes, I started off not liking the film because of how unlikable the main character was (they're allowed to have negative qualities, but I honestly believe there needs to be something that makes the audience identify with them or empathize with them, just something that makes the audience root for them) and her treatment of her brother. I know it was done that way to show her gradual change, but I still do think it could have been done a little differently. Because, even with her treatment of her brother aside, I didn't really like her as a person and had trouble understanding her. She seemed really tantrum-ey at points. But as the film went on, I warmed up to her and the gradual change took place. She was still herself with her own desires even while growing to love her brother, which I loved. She learned to balance things out, and I hope she continued to pursue her dreams even without going to Beijing, with her brother by her side.

I find that this film presented a different image of 'sacrifice', and that it was saying that different image was okay too. You don't have to fully give yourself up for someone. You can still have your own life and that's okay. By the end, none of her family members guilt-trip her about looking after her brother, which I really liked. It's pretty rare for Asian families to not do that guilt-tripping thing. But her aunt did it. Her aunt, who seemed to be the most guilt-tripping person, let her go in the end and told her that it was okay, that not everyone fits that image of sacrifice perfectly, like the Russian dolls. I think that actually enabled the sister to go back to her brother later on. Sometimes you have to let people go to get them back.

[johobi]

If Tae learns of what happened with Jungkook and decides to confront him, O think it would upset Y/N even more. He has no right to be mad about it. Personally I'd love to see Yoongi and Hoseok defend Y/N's honor so to speak. Although, I'm sure she has more than enough gumption to take care of it herself.

Definitely, the last thing she’d want is an argument, a fight, whatever might happen. I don’t think her heart could take anymore drama. 

Do you think he has no right to be mad about it because of what he himself has done to her? It’s true he’s also done something super shitty. I mean, he made her so upset that night (and the days succeeding) and jeopardised their friendship. Tae knows he fucked up royally. He’s had to live with, and pay for that. That’s why he accepted Y/N pushing him away. He’s punished himself, too. He wasn’t going to reach out to her, until she did. She forgave him, but he probably still hates himself for what happened.

But, yeah, fully knowing the extent of his own wrongdoings, Tae won’t stand for anyone else hurting her either, though. At the core of it, he loves and cares for her deeply and anyone that wounds her (himself included) marks themselves for his ire. 

(but yes I also want her favourite twosome to defend her honour, as you say. They’re the ones who have been her constant allies through this)

[markantonys]

Hi! It's L'allieva anon!

Omg I was dying by the end of the season when Claudio kept leaving her stranded in the middle of nowhere 😂. You'd think she'd learn what triggers Claudio's change of humor but nooo she had the same shocked pikachu face each time.

You know, I thought I was the only one who started to like Ambra. At the beginning I didn't stand her, but toward the end of the season when she stopped being jealous about Claudio and Alice, the writers allowed her to be more than a one dimensional character. I was actually excited that she was pregnant! I really wanted her to stay and see her struggle to be the best while dealing with the pregnancy and questioning what she wanted in life. It could have been the start of a lovely friendship between her and Alice too ( because that woman befriends everybody!!)...but nooo they had to make her leave. Though later I found out that in the books Ambra lost her baby and actually died ( Alice investigated her death)...so it's better that they didn't kill her at least.

Speaking of bitchy rivals, I really enjoyed Beatrice in s2.

Jesus Alice's hair is disastrous in s2, as is her wardrobe! I don't know how they managed to make her even more child-like visually but they succeeded. She looks like a schoolgirl! They only positive change is Claudio's wardrobe! I love his new suits and the vests suit him so well! Somebody finally understood they have to keep that man in various shades of blue haha.

I feel you with the love triangles!

Well I'm not going to spoil you but let's just say Arthur is like an annoying cockroach that won't fucking die.

I too was stunned that they kept dragging that relationship untill the s1 finally...i was actually cheering on Claudio when he was ranting at her after the congress because she WAS acting like a teenager.

And Yes! Marco not being bi is a fucking missed opportunity because he totally gave me bi-vibes. I was like "get him a boyfriend! Or say he had a secret boyfriend and his family -beside Alice- didn't know about him" .So I am adopting your HC as my own! Bi-solidarity!

I love Alice and Claudio! Their bantering is so entertaining and it's the spice of the show! Though their communication issues are killing me...but they're improving season after season. I think Claudio is the one who grows the more each season, and it's beautiful to watch him mature emotionally and change for Alice. And this season is fun because we get a full on Jealous!Claudio 😁. Alice on the other hand, is slow with personal growth but I digg her professionnal growth! How she becomes more sure of herself, more efficient but doesn't lose the empathy and the willingless to help that makes her who she is.

I haven't seen non uccidere, it's on my list to watch because I LOVE Miriam Leone!

NICE i’m not the only one who grew fond of ambra! oh my god she dies in the books? that’s awful i’m so glad they didn’t do that!! if she had to leave i’m definitely glad she was just written out rather than mercilessly killed off damn

aww i like alice’s wardrobe haha it’s so cute! oh nooo i thought arthur was gone for good jfc are we going to get a love square situation with him and claudio and sergio lmfao most of the time i would make fun of the tropiness of every single person who meets the protagonist falling instantly in love with her but like. it’s alessandra mastronardi so i get it

yess the alice/claudio banter is the best! right now claudio is being annoyingly emotionally stunted so i’m looking forward to see him grow in that respect haha and you’re so right, alice’s professional growth is really nice to watch! i’m glad they actually pay attention to the fact that she’s a student still learning and developing her career rather than only using that as the setup for crimes and love triangles

and i highly Highly recommend non uccidere, it’s probably my favorite italian tv show i’ve seen so far (granted it’s also the only one i watched with professionally-done english subs so i also just understood it better lmao) and miriam is absolutely fantastic in it (plus matteo martari is there as the love interest so what could be better than that!)