#i'm not sure how starting a session with listing everything about you that's wrong

[chameleonsallinvermillion]

I do think that, on reflection, all the body image lessons we had at school did more harm than good. They were few and far between, whether full lessons or assemblies, and they always began by explaining all the things you might be made to feel insecure about before adding that you should love yourself anyway. Not sure what the goal of that was but I got a much clearer idea about all the ways I don't look right from those sessions than I did from idk movies or whatever

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Dress Up Part 4 - Second Preview

Second preview for you lovelies! Warning for mentions of sex and innuendos!

"Pheromones?" you repeated, "umm, not much honestly. Why do you ask?"

Fizz shot you an excited smirk. “Well, the long and short of it is that they work extremely well when you’re looking to boost attraction,” he said, emphasizing his seductive tone on the last word. “Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt that you and the King have the raging hots for each other! But Ozzie and I came up with a little something to…maximize the experience!”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Asmodeus chimed in.

Fizz rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay, yeah, there are a few little quirks with it, I'll admit it."

"Such as?" you asked, your curiosity piqued.

Fizz skillfully flipped and landed his backflip back onto Oz's lap and crossed his arms. "You know, I used to think there was no such thing as too much overstimulation, but uhh..." The jester looked up at Oz, "you wanna take this one, big guy?"

Oz cleared his throat. "Y-yeah, like Fizz said, it's extremely powerful. You don't even have to touch your partner for the effects to start take hold, they just have to be in the general vicinity of you. It's gonna take almost nothing to get them going. So, do you think that's something you're willing to try with your prince charming?"

Oz's explanation was intriguing to be sure, but a question still lingered. "You're selling it well, Oz. But what is it exactly?"

With a snap of his fingers, a small and skinny lavender colored vile appeared in Oz's hand. It was no bigger than your pinky finger. "There are very few things are more enticing to the senses than a good perfume."

"It seems...a little small," you joked.

"Oh, trust me, Your Highness," Fizz laughed, "that is way more than enough. One tiny spritz and you're in for a loooonnnggg night!"

Oz tossed the vile to you and you caught it with ease. You examined the bottle. The blue flames from Oz's fire pit reflected beautifully off of the pristine crystal container, almost as if it was sparkling. You couldn't help but wonder how powerful this substance really was, especially considering the King of Lust himself was skeptical. You turned the bottle around and found the warning label on the side. It had things like 'Increase in stamina' and 'Increase in sensitivity' listed, but one sentence had jumped out to you in particular.

" 'Lack of a refractory period.' " you read out loud. "Does...that mean what I think it means?"

Fizz chuckled at your reaction. "It sure does! You two will definitely have loads and loads of fun.~" The jester's innuendo was definitely not lost on you, and you could feel the heat rise to your face once again. "Don't stress, it doesn't last that long. Well, I guess it depends on whether or not you consider an hour a long time!"

Oz playfully squinted at the imp in his lap who stuck out his tongue in return. "Normally, I wouldn't give away a product that hasn't been sold publicly, but I'm more than confident you and the King will use it wisely. Hell, you might even be able to handle it better than most!"

"Thank you, Oz," you smiled. "How much do I owe you?"

Oz waved his arms in dismissal. "Oh honey, don't worry about it! Consider it an anniversary gift. Although, I do ask for one favor." You raised an eyebrow. "After your session, I'd love to know how it worked for you. It'll be another test run, for lack of a better term, and I need all the info I can get before we start marketing."

"Oh, yeah, n-no problem!" you managed to squeak out. “Thank you for everything. I should be getting back now, though. Knowing Lucifer, he’s probably on the verge of sending out a search party for me.” You stood up and snapped your fingers, creating a portal behind you that lead to your home. Becoming the Queen of Hell had its perks, and Lucifer was a fantastic teacher when it came to your newfound abilities.

“Before you go, I have one last thing for you,” Ozzie called out. With another snap of his fingers, rope with a shining light blue glow appeared in your empty hand.

“Blessed rope?” you questioned.

“It’ll come in handy, trust me,” Oz winked. “Use it as you please! Although, I don’t know how well it’ll fair against an angel like him.”

“Thanks again, Oz,” you smiled shyly as you stepped through the portal. “I’ll see you two soon!”

The couple waved back as the portal closed “Let me know how long it takes ya to learn how to walk again!” Fizz called out before disappearing from sight.

[lxclerc]

𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 | 𝐜𝐥𝟏𝟔

summary... charles' lonely call breaks your heart further requested... yes! warning... angst pairing... charles leclerc x reader

note... a little drabble requested back in november 2022. i'm so sorry for it being super super super late but if whoever requested it is still here then i hope you enjoy it! feedbacks are very much appreciated and encourages me to write more! extra note... also i'm taking a semester gap year so i will be trying to post more and get through requests so let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

you’re exhausted, having just got home from a forty eight hour shift. being a surgical resident is absolute hell and you’re not quite sure how you’re managing but somehow you’d manage to drag yourself back home, frowning as you reach for the light switch only to find the wall empty. 

right. you’re in your own apartment, a place you hadn’t really lived at for months. mostly you’d come here when you needed something but more times than not, you go home to his apartment. it had been your home rather than this sad, lonely place void of his laughter. 

you sigh, letting your bag drop to your thrifted couch. you suddenly wished you’d stayed in the hospital on call room instead of here. being back in this place reminds you of all the things you no longer have, of the person you no longer call yours. 

god the self pity is getting tiring and you’re far too tired for another midnight crying session and so after washing the grime off your skin, you’d settled on your sofa with a bag of chips, flipping on the TV to some trashy american series to drown out your loneliness. 

however, as fate would unfortunately have it, you hadn’t even reached the second episode before your phone started ringing, his smiling face displayed on the screen. you’d frozen on your spot. you remember the exact date you’d taken that photo of him and you still had the ringtone you specifically chose for him. 

you’re haunted, your body full of memories and his fingerprints imprinted in your soul. even now, three weeks, two days and twelve hours since he’d called it off, he still haunts. you wanted to let out a bitter laugh as the ringing stopped. who’s counting right?

you refused to be his lonely call. you might be absolutely miserable and pathetic but you respect yourself enough for that. you won’t be his lonely call just because his friends and his girls are gone. you’d been his six am good morning but you will never be his midnight number whenever he starts wondering if he’d made the wrong choice. 

your phone lights up again but you let it ring. if he had more things to say to you then he can say it after the beep. 

he calls more times after that, keeping you awake as you stare at your ringing phone. a few times, you catch yourself reaching for it, reminding yourself that he’d been the one to make this choice. he’d been the one to make excuses about both your schedules being too much. and it was so unfair how he tormented you for it. this entire thing was unfair. you were willing to give everything to charles. you loved him far too much and you’d been under the impression that he felt the same but if he was willing to give you up so easily, did he really love you as much as he claimed he did?

he’d made his bed and now he needed to get used to sleeping on it. 

it was around two am when he finally stopped calling and you’re sure you’ll have a headache come tomorrow morning from staying up too late. you decide to call it a night and end your self inflicted torture, putting your phone on silent as you turned off the TV and chucked your empty bag of chips in the trash. you were just about to turn off the light when the knock came and you knew without checking exactly who it was. 

you sigh, frozen in your tracks as the knocks became more and more insistent. 

“y/n,” his voice is rough, scratchy as though he’d spent the entire night screaming at the top of his lungs and you felt a tear slip down your cheeks. he sounded so broken. maybe as broken as you felt. “s'il te plaît, mon amour.” please, my love.

you stay rooted to your place. this is unfair. this is so fucking unfair. he’d been the one to give up. charles gave you up. how dare he come crawling to you now? 

“Je suis désolé. Je suis désolé. Je pensais que je pourrais apprendre à moins t'aimer. Tu me manques,” he rambles. “i miss you so fucking much i didn’t even think it was possible, baby.” I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought I could learn to love you less. I miss you.

a sob rocks your body as you fall to the floor, clutching yourself as though you’re trying to hold yourself together. 

“please, baby,” he begs and you can hear the way he’s crying too. “J'ai besoin de toi.” i need you.

and then you open the door. because you loved him too much. because you could never give up on him. 

taglist: @ricsaigaslec @dragon-of-winterfell @coffeehurricanes @privcherry7 @miniminescapist @sebsdaniel @writing-about-current-obsessions @bisexual-desi @cialovessirlewis @multilovebot @lovelynikol16 @troybolton-14 @dr3lover @myescapefromthislife @sunf1owerr @t-nd-rfoot @navixfr

[midchelle]

what are all the songs different beatles wrote about the breakup/other beatles/the drama on their solo albums?

Possibly non-exhaustive list, let me know if I'm missing any!

Ringo

Back Off Boogaloo (1972) Ringo says it isn't about Paul. It definitely sounds like it's about someone. He was publically critical of Ram and McCartney, and the song contains the lyrics 'Get yourself together now / And give me something tasty, / Everything you try to do / You know it sure sound wasted!' Hmmm.

Early 1970 (1970) This is probably the least bitter song written about the breakup, which I feel makes sense. While there was that incident with Paul in March 1970, for the most part, he maintained pretty good relations with the other Beatles. Nobody was on the verge of starting a blood feud with Ringo. It's Ringo, folks! Everybody likes Ringo.

George

Wah Wah (1970) The fact that he wrote this directly after leaving the band during the Get Back sessions is really all you need to know.

Isn't It a Pity (1970) Isn't it just? Though he wrote this years before the breakup, it takes on a new meaning after it. Not to crib from the YouTube Beatles man, but the fact that they'd been rejecting this since 1966...

Run Of The Mill (1970) They're calling it 'the head BIC of Paul McCartney diss tracks.'

Sue Me, Sue You Blues (1973)

- most litigious Beatle

Paul

Every Night (1970) And thus began Paul McCartney's string of 'my life is shit but my wife is hot' songs.

Man We Was Lonely (1970) My Life Is Shit But My Wife Is Hot (Part 2)

Too Many People (1971) World, here's my album about how great it is to be heterosexual and live on a farm. The first song is about how my old songwriting partner and his wife suck because I'm not mad and I'm actually laughing. People think this song must be covertly cruel because of how John responded, and the haha you're on heroin line is pretty low, but what nobody takes into account is how it's the equivalent of holding your finger really close to someone's face and saying I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! Hehe. It's annoying. You want to punch it.

3 Legs (1971) This song is really cutting in the same way Paul thinks signing 'piece of cake' as 'piss off cake' is cutting.

Dear Boy (1971) Paul claims this song is about Linda's ex-husband.

What did this man ever do to you besides divorce Linda, father Heather, AND let you adopt her, all of which were great for you? Where's this coming from?

Dear Friend (1971) Dear Friend and Too Many People being released the same year is pretty funny, but nowhere near as funny as Jealous Guy and How Do you Sleep? being on the same album.

Hon. Mention: well what is that 'we believe that we can't be wrong' bit supposed to mean?

John

I Found Out (1970) I've seen religion from Jesus to Paul. What Paul? Oh, you know, Paul.

God (1970) It's delightfully seventeen-year-old-experiencing-a-breakup-for-the-first-time to rank disbelief in The Beatles over not believing in: the Bible, Jesus Christ, the Bhagavad Gita, John F. Kennedy. And I'm all for it.

How Do You Sleep? (1971) It's her. The sexy, weirdly disjointed song that Went Too Far. Can I be honest? This is so tame. And half the lyrics don't even make sense. The cruelty of this song is in how dismissive and impersonal it is rather than anything to do with the actual words. I like to think of Run Of The Mill/Too Many People/How Do You Sleep? as a matching set because they display the individual worst qualities of the people who made them. Respectively: bitchy, annoying, and mean.

Jealous Guy (1971)

I Know (I Know) (1973) [Insert comparison of opening riff of I Know (I Know) Vs. opening riff of I've Got A Feeling] Nice use of leitmotif, Mr. I-hate-musicals.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

I've been thinking about Toga for a little bit, and how I just pity her, sure she's a psychotic murderer, but she didn't have to be, if her parents were more open to her quirk things could have been different, if she went to a reputable pro hero things could have been different, did she have some less than ideal tendencies before she went off the deep end? Yes, but with therapy they could have been lessened, and who knows she could have been a good underground hero or whatever she wanted to be, I understand what a lot of what the community says about her being able to change, but with everything she did it wasn't going to be overnight, while I'm a little sad about her fate at the end in a way it sorta fits, she finally found someone who truly sees her for what she wants to be, someone cute and deserving of love.

I’m about to break your heart: I don’t like Toga. At all. Yeah I can sympathize for her, abusive parents suck, but like… she is still a killer. She is aware what she does is wrong and does it anyway. No amount of ‘I want love’ can change that for me. Plus I think people forget that it’s not canon she needs blood to survive. Her fascination with blood is due to her Quirk yes- but it was also what led to her killing a bird. That highly suggests psychopathic/sociopathic tendencies. These people tend to ONLY focus on themselves and what they want rather then anyone else.

Yes therapy helps but its not just ‘a few months of sessions’ its years on end therapy. Its never ending. Its in and out of hospitals sometimes to see what helps depending on the person. Its possibly being on medication, its being a young adult changing therapists ten times.

Yeah she could have been saved. But she also had a body count within like a year. I find it really hard to understand how people downplay it or try to ignore her actions- much like how they do it with Bakugou. Because she's cute and fun they want her to be part of the hero course as ‘rehab’ and ‘look how awful these kids are shunning her aren't they despite the fact they just got attacked a week ago by her’.

I'm much more interested in unrepentative Toga because I find that more interesting then a ‘good’ Toga. More so since the various ways people redeem her just fail.

A few months of therapy and it’s all good! No? Toga needs YEARS of therapy. And to be honest? With her history- she would need at least two years incarceration in a psychiatric hospital.

She gets into a rehab program at UA and then makes best friends. Okay no, she is obsessed with Izuku and Ochako. You remove people like Toga from their obsessions for their safety.

She gets caught after her first kill, gets help and then joins the hero course! It would take so much longer for her therapy to be done.

Do I think if she was found before she started killing things would be different? Yes I do! I fully think she could have been a hero if she had early intervention. If a teacher got worried, if she had proper Quirk Counseling- list goes on. She would still have her tendencies but early childhood intervention helps with that stuff. She would still be in therapy and all but she would have excelled at heroics. Psychopaths and sociopaths do wonderful in the military and similar jobs for a reason. An underground hero like Toga working as a spy? She'd rock it.

But I also think she isn't safe for society after she starts killing. Maybe in like a decade after therapy and stuff she would be, but it takes a long time for that to happen. Een then, she may not be allowed out because she isn't insane in the way she doesn't know what she's doing. She does, she does it. She might be in prison for the rest of her life because of that.

And lets say she does get out- its probably in her best interests not to have contact with Ochako. The risk of her relapsing is to much.

Of course this is me taking a more realistic approach. You can handwave everything with Quirks, but for me its just… I can’t.

I’ve read really good LOV redemption fics. One of my fav authors here (who I bug all the time) likes Toga. I don’t mind reading them because they work/are fairly crackish so its not a big deal. (Others less so). I can see why people like her, even if I don’t understand the habit of downplaying her actions. I just don’t like her. To me, she's more interesting as a selfish and unrepentive villain.

That being said: I didn't hate her ending either. I think it does fit her, and if it had to happen I like how it unfolded. Ochako did see someone worthy of love, worthy of care. And I think it says a lot about Ochako. I love it. I truly do. I love also how Ochako champions helping others like Toga to prevent the same thing happening again.

It’s one of the things I like the most about the ending.

[grav3yardbb92]

Ronnie Radke x f!reader

my mom, his mom, my sister.....'. "sigh"

I scribble down a list of people to make invitations for. My boyfriend, Ronnie, proposed to me last week and we are rushing to get married before he leaves on tour.

My mind shifts to how our relationship started.

(Two years ago)

I'm sitting on a couch in this crowded club, with a fake smile painted on my face. It's my birthday, I should be happy right? Nope, not when my best friend since forever, Katie, is almost an hour late.

"Hey, Y/N" I turn around, hoping to see Katie, instead I only see her boyfriend, Ronnie. He sits down next to me.

"Katie's not with you" I ask hopefully

" uh, no, she should've been here already. " " speaking of...." He trails off and hands over a gift bag" this is from both of us".

" oh, thanks " I reply, trying to cheer myself up. He smiles lightly, then excuses himself to get a drink.

Ten minutes later, Ronnie returns with two drinks in his hand, passing one over to me." Still on Katie, huh?" I shake my head and down my drink." Maybe she forgot" " no, I'm sure she's just stuck in traffic " he replied." Well why don't you open your gift, I'm sure she won't mind" he says, picking up the bag and dangling it on his finger in front of my face. I smile and take the bag, when I look inside, I couldn't believe my eyes. In the bag, was a state of the art camera, the same one I was looking at just a few days ago.

" that's the one you wanted, right?"

" uh, yeah, but how did yo...." " Ryan saw you with one in the store, he told me that your eyes almost popped out of their sockets" he said while dramatically popping open his hands in front of his face. I couldn't help but bust out laughing at his antics, which only doubled when Jackie and Ryan joined us on the couch.

I fiddled with the camera for a few minutes, figuring out all its functions, then I began taking goofy pictures of my silly group of friends. I had to work the next day, so i decided to head home." One last picture! " Ryan screams, while snatching my camera from me. I roll my eyes and place a large and very real smile on my face. Just as the camera flashes, Ronnie jumps up beside me and plants a kiss on my cheek. He then blushes and disappeared. I was confused and sad so I went to look for him.

I found him outside,looking upset."Ronnie? What happened?" " nothing Y/N, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. It's just, I seem to spend more time with you than I do my own girlfriend and.... And I..." He trailed off again, looking away as tears threatened to pour from his eyes. " And what?...Ronnie?" I say grabbing a s shoulder and turning him to look at me." Nothing, just forget it" " I can't, because I'm pretty sure I know what you want to say, at least I hope so, cause I feel the same" I say to him, feeling a huge releif in finally telling him how I feel.

Before I could say another word, his lips were on mine and my back was gently pushed against the wall. The kiss gets heated quickly and we end up in a full on make out session out side the club.

" WHAT THE FUCK" we freeze in place as we both recognize that voice.

Ronnie take a step toward her "Katie, I can explain"

" no Ronnie, don't." I pipe in, walking up to him and taking his hand." We don't have to explain anything to you, this is not the first time you have left me and him alone...you are late all the fucking time. What did you think would happen. I like Ronnie and he likes me and there is nothing you can do or say to change that" I rant out at her, letting out years of frustration toward her.

She crosses her arms and looks toward Ronnie, probably hoping he will deny everything I just said and pull her into his arms.

" don't look at me like that, we are through, she is your best friend and she is amazing, she doesn't deserve to be treated like shit by you or anybody." " whatever asshole" she says stomping away into the club.

Ronnie then looks to me" you are wrong about one thing, I don't like you.... " he notices my smile fade and he takes my face into his tattooed hands" I love you Y/N, always have and always will".

(Present day)

I am suddenly brought out of my memories by the door closing." Babe?" I hear Ronnie call out." Upstairs" I call back. I look down at the list of names in front of me. Ronnie comes in and follows my gaze." Why are you inviting her?" I smile and reply" I'm not"

I then grab an envelope and scribble her name on it. I then find a blank card and write a short message.before I seal the envelope, Ronnie takes it from me and smiles after reading:

'Katie, thanks for being fashionably late'.

[ceescedasticity]

I started trying to clean up my Song of Ice and Fire SBURB/classpects thing for AO3 only to discover that, in fact, I may not have touched it for a year or more but that doesn't mean I'm actually satisfied with the most recent player roster or classpect sorting. Does not help that I haven't even been reading fic in this fandom lately but

What I do have is a beginning I like—

They were peddled as curiosities and toys -- trinkets after the style of Old Valyria! They were like large bronze eggs, about the size of an apple, which opened like lockets to reveal tiny mirrors on one side and some sort of intricate interlocking metal wheels on the other. Somehow it never occurred to anyone to take them apart for their valuable components. The people they were given to were very attached to them, and fascinated by them, and tended to keep them on their persons at all times. After a few weeks they mostly didn't even really notice they were wearing an oddly large pendant. No one else seemed to notice the eggs at all. Even under circumstances where they really should have. Even if they were pointed out, no one else ever tried to take them — they might take everything else, but never the bronze egg — and they forgot quickly. Certainly no one ever thought anything strange was going on. They were just toys, baubles, funny things to amuse children or girls or boys not grown up yet. Nothing of real interest. Any thoughts of how unnatural the lack of attention was just.… slipped away. (Later on the [Samwell classpect] would wonder if maybe they were Valyrian. In a bad way. But no one described the Doom of Valyria as flaming rocks falling out of the sky.) And then the [Daenerys classpect] in a house of Undying tripped a trigger she didn't know was there, and far away in a crypt, the [Bran classpect] awoke to a pendant gone suddenly warm.

—and then thoughts.

Daenerys is pretty solidly Witch of Rage.

Sansa is pretty solidly Maid of Hope.

Arya is the Time player, for associations with death (even though I'm sending her into the Medium before she can leave for Braavos). Class is probably Rogue, though I thought about Thief.

Bran is the Space player. Class might be Seer (for Seeing, plus "relates to other people in the abstract" and "try telling them they're wrong. I dare you.") or Bard (for the lack of boundaries and general WTFery of body-borrowing), or maybe Mage (active understanding).

Jon is probably Prince of Void, though Heir could do.

Robb is the/a Heart player, probably Heir, though I thought about Knight. He'd be Knight if the Game had grabbed him early enough in the plot.

Samwell is the/a Light player, and probably Mage. I've also considered noncanon class Gnome [passive accumulation class, tilts male, with a ''mythological role" similar to Sylph?] Or he could be Sylph, actually…

Theon is either Thief or Bard. (He has the selfishness for Thief but I don't know about the flair. Being kind of a creeper at times fits for Bard, and he can be embarrassing, and there's the general WTFery.) Aspect is either Blood or Breath, because he's desperate for both connections and freedom.

And I think that exhausts the list of 'people I would definitely include'. However, the gender ratio is unbalanced, and Danaerys is definitely the odd one out, and there are lot of other young-ish characters in the books with miserable fates that getting yoinked into a Game session never to return might actually improve…

Jeyne Poole would probably be Page or something noncanon, and maybe Life? Or maybe noncanon Aspect Bone [caution, indecision, taking a supporting role].

Gendry could be Rage or Doom, and maybe Knight? Or I have him as noncanon 'Clerk' in one of my drafts but I'm not sure what that's meant to signify…

Shireen I have down as Sylph, but Page might be better. For aspect I have Doom or noncanon Grief [conflict (vs. peace), struggle (vs. acceptance), chaos (vs. order)]… actually maybe she'd be better with Peace [peace (vs. conflict), order (vs. chaos), acceptance (vs. struggle)]?

Margaery would be the/a Mind player. She could be Sylph. She could also be Bard, or noncanon class Dame [mythological role "the dame walked into my office and I knew she was trouble"].

Jeyne Westerling would probably be Breath player, and either Page or something noncanon.

Quentyn I've considered for Mage, Seer, Knight, and Heir. I'm leaning Knight? I shouldn't be considering him for anything I did not read that book carefully enough. For Aspect, Doom? Or noncanon Stone [permanence, stability, not reactivity or responsiveness]?

Myrcella would probably be a Blood player, or I also have Life down apparently? Class either Maid or something noncanon.

Loras could be Heir or Prince? Or Knight, I suppose, or something noncanon. If we're repeating classes/aspects he's probably Heir of Mind. If not, something of noncanon Aspect Charm.

Arianne would probably be Breath or noncanon Fire [transitoriness, reactivity] or Nerve [Recklessness. Impulse. Decisiveness. Taking control.] Maid works well, but she could carry Thief.

Podrick is another candidate for Life. And another candidate for Page, for that matter. Or some noncanon possibilities.

And I don't even have that much of an idea for Tommen or Gilly but I'm not sure I don't want them included…

ahahaha this is ridiculous.

[sburbian-sage]

Is it just me, or is there something actually fucking WRONG with the Joy aspect?

I've only ever had two coplayers who had it, and they gave me majorly freaky vibes.

One of them was a Knight of Joy, and I think he was having a full-blown anxiety attack every single combat? Like, it was part of his arsenal, made him stronger, also made him scream in terror basically the whole time. Ended every fight hyperventilating. Never got to know him that well, but the few conversations we did have were unbearable. Just this horrible feeling welling up inside me the entire time- and the guy CLEARLY NOTICING and trying to stop it, while denying that he was causing it. Everything he said made me feel worse and worse even though it was all technically innocuous.

Other guy was worse. Different session, Mage of Joy. Man, I thought laughing constantly was just a Rain player thing. No. Hell no. Sometimes I think I still hear him and basically flip the fuck out.

One time he snuck into my house and the laughter made me wake up and I saw him standing there giggling and staring at me in the dark and I will never ever forget how he "forgave" me for waking up and ruining his "funny prank" (still not sure what exactly the prank was supposed to be...). And when I started yelling at him and asking why he was being such a creep he said that it was okay because he had "already been forgiven".

I cannot stress enough how that was just one thing out of way too many to list. Every fucking day with this guy he'd do or say something fucked up like that, but thinking about this is making me feel ill so I'm gonna stop.

Point is... Got another Joy player in my current session. Bard of Joy. I feel like those first two guys might have been weird outliers, and this guy seems more normal SO FAR, but I'm just really really scared to talk to him much. Can you tell me if my experiences before were unusual, or any general advice on how to deal with Joy players?

Yeah, I know what you mean. Joy embodies laughter AND fear so you get a lot of types who start roleplaying as The Jonkler. To be fair, it is working considering how scared shitless you were, and how I'm laughing about it, but the point remains. I think the "thematic meaning" of their Aspect is dark comedy or bathos? Obviously "laughter and fear" sums up a lot of dark jokes or "I can't tell if I'm supposed to be laughing" moments, but I can see how the "redemption" angle can play in here. You can watch a movie and some grotesquely horrific stuff will go down, but if it's funny and horrific, that makes it a lot easier to watch. Similarly, completely ridiculous shenanigans with no obvious point to them suddenly "pay off" when it turns out there was a point (advancing the story, dramatic reveals, etc).

As far as the Knight of Joy goes, I can kinda see what they're doing, but I also think they're missing the point. I see Rage players do the same thing, where they try to get really mad during a fight, so they can be "empowered by Rage". Even though that's not what that means, Rage is about authority and external control and it only elementally manifests as yelling. Feeling afraid while fighting technically works, but there's more efficient methods. Not "fighting while laughing your head off", which might be scarier, but maybe fighting in a way that engenders feelings of fear and laughter? Just saying.

As far as the Bard of Joy, you either just got a burst of really really good luck or really really bad luck. They could invite the destruction of fear, thus putting an end to the constant creep factor you've been experiencing. Or they could invite destruction through fear, thus becoming Literally The Chuckler. In fact, passively destroying fear might actually lead to the creation of fear if it turns out "fear" includes self-preservation instincts or social tact. And worst of all, they could passively invite the destruction of laughter and comedy, thus making everything boring! Truly the worst outcome, more terrible than people with uncertain intentions breaking into your room at night.

No matter how you slice it, the best way to "deal with" people like this is to... Talk to them? Maybe bring up "hey I've had some bad experiences with Joy players who seemed to get a kick out of deliberately antagonizing me, I understand our Classpects make us do stuff we dislike but maybe we could work something out so we're cool with each other"? Don't come across like you're judging them for nothing but rolling their Title, it's really annoying when people get presumptuous over RNG (Life players who immediately got treated like Team Mommy who has to fix everyone's boo-boos and take care of them and tousle their hair while calling them your little pogchamp, back me up on this). But people with the "scarier" Aspects tend to understand the reservations people have, which is why they establish boundaries like "only do the Heart Thing on me with permission or if I'm in a critical state" or "if you use your Rage powers to win an argument with me I will kick you between the legs so hard the Genesis Frog will feel it".

[bluecardigan-13]

Today I was so #absent minded. Cooking for my husband’s #christmas party which now caused me to miss my virtual #therapy appointment. And I don’t miss appointments!

I have been feeling so #pathetic. Such a #loser. And that as a #mom and #wife I should be doing #more of everything.

I run my #youtube channel, #take care of my cats, #make sure that my kids get to their appointments, # do all the grocery shopping, #cook dinner, #make the grocery list and #dinner menu. I make #the appointments for my husband and the kids, and myself. And yes today - I could remember my oldest son’s appointment but couldn’t remember mine! And now it’s going to cost me $119!!!!!!! I don’t have that kind of money.

What is wrong with me?! I spent 6 hrs cooking my husband’s pot contribution. Which I don’t I don’t mind cause I love to #cook. But what is wrong with me?

I keep telling myself I need to contribute more. Since I’m fully #disabled, and can’t work. I used to be a successful insurance underwriter. I used to write about $50M in premium, but I can’t remember now my therapy appointment. Pathetic.

I can’t look at myself in the mirror. What is wrong with me? Last night I got upset cause I went grocery shopping and was so disappointed that my husband didn’t like the dang yogurt I picked for him. How sad is that?

The other night I keep waking up at 2 am screaming that my dad who died in 2021 due to a massive heart attack is still alive - who used to tell me I wasn’t good enough - and that I wasn’t sick. I wake up and I start crying. And saying I’m sick. I promise I’m sick.

Yet no one believes me. It reminds me of @taylorswift’s song #antihero and the line

“It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

At tea time, everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero”

The funny thing is I NEVER look at myself in the mirror. No one would ever look at me, including me.

I need to do more and better. The upside this is what distracted me from my therapy.

Pot Stickers and Filipino Lumpia. Hey @taylorswift would you like to share some with me?

#cooking #taylor swift #therapy #therapy session #self care #self hate #anti hero #lumpia #pot stickers #im tired #chronic pain #fibromyalgia

[faithfromanewperspective]

Hey, sorry if this is weird just ignore it, but I saw a post where you wondered about what to talk to your therapist and I wanted to tell you about my experience bc I've seen this bugs a lot of people and it's the reason many people drop therapy. When I went to therapy, I asked myself: "how am I feeling today?" when I sat in front of the doctor. Because after 2-3 sessions I realized the way I was feeling was strictly connected to the reasons why I was going there (maybe I'm weird but I tend to list down the topics I've touched with the therapist and analyze them after the session is over). A good doctor can really draw a lot from your words so it's important that you choose a person you trust and that you feel understands why you need their help and will mostly help you to open up and talk. I also talk a lot by association. After I start talking about how am I feeling, I think about something else and I start talking about that other thing. In the end, some things turn out to be strangely linked together because of how our brains tend to create links between our memories etc. so do not be afraid to start talking about something out of the blue as if, I don't know, you were talking to a friend. Because those are also telling. At least that's what I have experienced as a patient and as an ex psychology student. I don't know if this makes any sense (maybe it's not helpful at all) but I felt like sending you this message✨

not weird at all and a really thoughtful thing for you to reach out with! i love the comment on how things are linked together in our brains. and tbh finding a good one is hard. i always get this horrid feeling of frozenness and everything-is-wrong when i think too hard about that because it's like. a resource, how can we make sure everyone gets access to it? right now the best i can do is not think about that specifically but man maybe i could actually talk about it? it always drives me to action which i'm a lot better at sustainably managing my effort for but tbh i would love to have mental health professionals i can brainstorm with and actually come up with an actionable solution with. maybe i should bring that up but tbh i've had enough of being brushed off for it

[sleptwithinthesun]

Would you be up for writing something with the prompt 🥧 for E/ddie? I'm obsessed with your S/tranger Things stuff omg

asdjkl tysm i'm so happy you've enjoyed it all!! ngl i've had a super fuckin busy week so this is gonna be very angsty :/ honestly i'm just ready to crawl into bed and sleep for a day lol.

(fill for 🥧 on the fall snz prompts list... written for e/ddie m/unson. s/teddie, 0.8K words.)

It's at the obligatory We-Survived-Again party, hosted by the Wheelers and disguised from their oblivious parents as a massive D&D session, that Eddie starts to realize that maybe he hasn't come out of everything as unscathed as he thought.

Don't get him wrong, the demobat bites hurt like a motherfucker even a week later and he's sure Ozzy's somewhere laughing at the irony of it all, but it's a bit more than just the physical injuries from Jason and his buddies and the Upside Down. His head is pounding, and his limbs feel oddly shaky. Eddie's not sure if it's nerves, or something else, but he'll deal with it later. They're trying to celebrate, here, and he has no intentions of raining on the whole thing.

Unsurprisingly, the kids are all play-fighting with each other in the middle of the Wheeler's basement while Eleven and Max—Eddie's still not quite sure what the former's deal is, but her buzzcut is badass—encourage them from the sidelines, making sure not to jar the latter's broken arm while the rest of them chat idly. Nancy and Jonathan are talking quietly, while Steve is staring wide-eyed at Argyle while the other teen starts rolling a joint and Robin grins at Steve's side. Eddie probably should join a conversation, it's not like he even knows half of these people, but he's feeling run-down and this probably isn't going to end for another hour and he's pretty much obligated to be there. He's part of this now, so it would be rude to—

"Eddie, right?"

He looks up to see Jonathan making hesitant eye contact, looking just as exhausted as Eddie feels. "Jonathan Byers. I'm Will's older brother; he's the kid with the bowl cut currently fighting with Mike."

Eddie glances over to see that Mike is, indeed, wrestling with who he assumes is Will, then back to Jonathan. Nancy's joined Steve and Robin, so at least she's not alone, but Eddie's even less familiar with Jonathan than almost anyone else here. "Yeah, I'm Eddie."

Jonathan gives him a tired smile. "Welcome to the club."

That startles a laugh out of him, and Eddie shakes his head, still in disbelief over the fact that they actually managed to survive this entire ordeal. "Thanks, man. How long have you... you know."

"Since the very beginning," Jonathan says quietly, looking over to Will. "It started with the kids, and then Nancy, and I. Steve found out, and then Robin, and now, you."

"Jesus," Eddie murmurs, then turns away to sneeze into his elbow. "hg'SHT! ih'shXt! h'SHtt! Oh, fuck, sorry."

"Bless you," he says. "You alright?"

"Yeah, no, I'm fine. Must be the dust, or something." Eddie waves his concern off, ignoring the way the itch is still blooming in his sinuses. "Anything I need to know? I haven't really had time to, you know, adjust, considering I was actively being hunted down by a bunch of jocks, but hey. It is what it is," he says, shrugging, and to his credit, Jonathan doesn't even do a double take.

Instead, he nods sagely, as if that's a normal experience (and Eddie really, really hopes it's not), and says, "The nightmares go away, eventually. It takes a little while, and they're fucking terrifying when they first start, but they go away."

"Have yours?"

Jonathan gives a wan smile. "Not yet."

Before Eddie can ask another question—maybe about how Jonathan got involved in the first place—Steve wanders over, says, "Hey, Byers," in this weird tone, and Eddie glances between the two of them for a moment.

"Hey, Harrington," Jonathan says, and his shoulders slump even further, his posture sags, and he just looks so, so exhausted, more than enough to rival the way Eddie feels right now. "I'm sorry we weren't here."

"Are you actually going to apologize for that?" Steve asks, eyes going wide. "Dude, you had no control over that. Plus, Mike's told me a bit of what happened on your end and Jesus Christ, man."

Eddie walks away, leaving them to the rest of their conversation, and settles into the corner to watch the rest of it unfold. Everyone else knows what's happening, has been a part of this for longer than he has, is catching up with each other and exchanging stories, and Eddie doesn't quite know where he fits into it all.

He just wants to go home and collapse into his bed.

But Eddie stands there, silent and more than slightly miserable, for another hour before leaving unannounced. No one seems to notice his departure, and honestly, it's a relief as he unlocks the trailer and crawls underneath his blankets.

The world can wait. He needs a minute. A week. A year.

(Jonathan had better be right about the nightmares.)

[munsonology]

Well I need a new therapist lmaoooo

I told her I was uncomfortable regarding a certain celebrity.

I don't mind them as a person, though I feel they are v performative on certain topics and exploits things for money. My main issue is they don't tell their fans anything like they don't say hey no death threats. Maybe they have and then I would feel slightly better about the person, but the fans are moreso my issue.

Regular fans are fine, my sister is. But its the rabid stans who want to crawl in the celebrity's ribcage to breathe the same air as them. Crazy. True definition of stan. Like, I know someone who quite literally went to this celeb's concert not once but THREE times. Fine no big deal, enjoy, I've been to a concert more than once just not in the same concert season lineup thing. Except they then begged for money because they had spent their money for rent and their BABY who is going through a growth spurt has no clothes that fit- this person even said they spent the money on the concert in the comments. Like what???? I've seen fans doxx people for having a differing opinion. Just not people I feel comfortable associating with

Normally idc im not involved whatever, just avoid them. The REASON it got brought up to my therapist, wasn't because I just randomly dislike this celeb. That isnt the reason.

The REASON it got brought up is because Spotify wrapped happened and I mentioned that I was uncomfortable because two people who severely fucked me up mentally (one was emotionally abusive and the other harassed and stalked me) had this artist in their top 5. Also My ex friend who ended up posting pictures of my house when she knew I had a stalker (I had moved snd they hadn't found this place until they posted) also had this artist in top 5. (And yes if was malicious, we had an argument and then they posted the outside of my house, sure they deleted the post later but the guy had already seen it as she had a public account and he followed some of my friends on fake accounts. We weren't friends after this)

I made the comment that they all had widely different tastes but all liked the same artist, and I made a joke that I should have known it was a red flag (we had spent the therapy session discussing signs i should have noticed in these people and ways they were alike which made me even think of the artist WHICH is why it was brought up).

And to be fair the reasons I listed of the people who have done things to me are probably why I dislike the celeb.

But my therapist actually called me stupid and wrong because apparently the artist was in THEIR top 5. Which, uh, okay my bad. Started going hard against me, even cursed at me So I again point out that in my mind it's linked to my abusers and people who betrayed my trust, and my therapist went "the majority isnt like that" to which I mentioned the rest of the points about things I've seen online. I guess I could have just apologized but she was coming at me and I was already on edge talking about everything, then they called me stupid and berating me...

Well I was uncomfortable then but i thought "hey, you did insult someone they obviously like, it's normal to be a lil defensive" and was like well we can move past. But no, quite literally this last session sealed the deal, because instead of talking about my trauma or anything, she made me listen to their albums. Which wtf??? Who does that irl?? Explained all the nuances and the theories and shit I DONT CARE about. I tried to tell them, but ok I also infodump on things I care about. Then they told me that my abusers must not be THAT bad because they have good taste. I walked out. Still got charged for the full session, and I filed a complaint. I dont see how they have their license????

I'm pissed rn haha and it actually had the opposite effect and has solidified that I do not like this artist in my mind. At. All.

Aww bestie that sucks 😭 first thank you for sharing! Second, this therapist is completely unprofessional. They shouldn’t have let their personal like of this artist affect how they’re treating you during the sessions YOU pay for.

And the fact that someone spent their rent money and their baby’s money…where’s the priorities, where’s the values, where’s the morals?

For me, I’ve also disliked a celebrity because of their fans and fandoms. Especially on twitter. I could write a whole thesis on how dysfunctional this fandom is on twitter 💀

There’s good and bad sides to all fandoms, I think in general we all have to find where we fit and surround ourselves with people who value us as much as we value them.

Anon, you have every right to like or not like something. That’s what makes friendships beautiful. I hope you’re able to find a therapist that can support you properly anon 🩷😭 some of these people get their license out a happy meal

[mahamid110]

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[anikas-desk]

☆HOW TO PROPERLY PREPARE 4 AN EXAM☆

Studying for exams is something essential in students lives. We all spend most of our time preparing for those sheets of paper that we are so afraid of and, sometimes, we do it in the wrong way without even noticing it.

Some of us use study-to-pass methods, which aren't effective because you will end up forgetting everything that you studied!!

That's why we all should learn how to study in a way that we don't only pass the exam, but also remember everything (or most part of it).

So, here, I'm going to show you not only how to properly prepare for an exam, but also how to keep those things that you studied in your long-term memory, so you don't forget them!!

A little disclaimer: this is how I prepare for exams, but that doesn't mean that you have to prepare for exams like this too, and that's ok <333 Everyone is different, so our study and organization methods are. Just try this method and, if it doesn't work, you can try another one or even make your own!!

For being able to prepare properly, you will have to start studying from four to two weeks before the exam, it depends on how difficult you find the subject and how easy it is for you to study.

The steps to prepare for an exam are:

1.- Plan your study sessions

Planning our study sessions ahead is very important if we want to stay organized. But, how do we do that??

First, write a list of all the things that you will have to study for the exam.

In a calendar (it can be weekly or monthly) write which day you are going to study each of the things that are on the list.

Leave two or three days before the exam for revision, which means that you won't study, only review what you have already studied.

2.- Eliminate distractions

Before we start studying for an exam, we have to declutter our workspace. Put away the things that may distract you and leave only the stuff that you will need for your study sessions, such as your stationery, your laptop, etc.

Once you have ended with physical distractions, it's time to end with the virtual ones. Set time limits on your phone or delete some apps, and install website blockers on your computer.

Since we won't have anything that distracts us, it will be easier for us to stay focused.

3.- Start studying!!

Once you have done those steps, it's time to sit down, open your books and start studying.

Make sure that you follow your study plan correctly and that you don't procrastinate.

Each time that you finish studying and understanding very well a certain topic, cross it out on the list, so you know that you won’t have to put a lot of effort into it when you review it.

And when there's a topic that it's more difficult for you, mark it with a circle or something like that, so you know that you will have to review it more.

~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡~

Now, you just need to know how to properly study and review.

• Active studying vs passive studying

Usually, students that study actively tend to have better results than students that don’t.

By studying actively, you don’t only make sure that you understand a certain topic, but you also retain that information in your brain for more time, or in other words, in your long term memory.

So, you have to avoid passive study methods, such as only reading your notes, textbooks, etc.

You have to avoid the easy and effortless methods because they’re not the more effective.

Some active study methods are:

The 60 seconds review

After every class, take 1 min to write the two or three main ideas by memory.

Rewrite your notes

Write them in your own words, using keywords and simple definitions that are easy to memorise.

Test yourself

Before studying something, write some questions about the most important things and, after studying, answer them

Don’t memorise, learn

Try to explain a topic in your own words to make sure that you understand it. Once you do so, study it (if you do it in your own words too it’s better).

You can find more active study methods on YouTube by searching “Active recall”, but these ones are the ones that I use!!

All these methods force your brain to think about what you have studied or what you are about to start studying. This helps to keep that information in your long term memory.

• Review

As I said before, you have to leave some days before your exam to review all that you have studied.

By reviewing all the information, your brain remembers it and slowly starts to keep it in your long term memory (because reviewing is an active study method too!!).

The steps for reviewing in a proper way are pretty easy:

1.- Take a paper

Divide a paper into 5 sections:

Title of the topic

General information

Keywords and their definitions

Things you forgot

Corrections

2.- Write

Put away your notes and books and complete each section by memory except the ones of things you forgot and corrections.

3.- What went wrong?

Take your textbooks and notes and compare what you wrote with what it’s written.

Write the corrections in the “correction” section

Write the things you forgot in the “things you forgot” section

4.- Review

Just review what you didn’t remember or what you were wrong at.

5.- Repeat

Do the whole process again until you get it all correct.

~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡ ~♡~

While you are studying for an exam, you have to consider some things that don’t have anything to do with studying, but that will help you to prepare properly and to succeed:

• Take breaks

Studying is very important, but resting is too.

When we study a lot of time, we end up feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, that's why we have to take breaks during our study sessions. They shouldn't be only breaks of ten minutes but of half an hour or so. Remember to don't use your phone or any technology on the breaks, because if you do so, you won't relax at all. Do a chill activity, such as reading, writing, drawing, painting, etc.

Also, by resting for a long period of time, your brain will be able to retain the stuff that you studied before more easily.

• Sleep enough time

We need to sleep because it gives us the energy that we need for the day.

You should sleep from 8 to 10 hours per day if you want to be fully rested, so stop sleeping just because you have to study isn't a good idea.

• Have water and snacks near you

Staying hydrated and eating is something VERY important for everyone.

It's normal to feel thirsty or hungry while you are studying, that's why I recommend having a water bottle and some healthy snacks always on your workspace to avoid standing up, going to the kitchen and, as a consequence, stop being focused on what you were doing.

(omg this is so long- I’m sorry lol)

I hope that you find this guide helpful!!!

Act like the person you want to become~

Take care!! ♡

[halfmoondaze]

Hi! Would you be willing to write about a reader with OCD and or anxiety?

If you are willing would you be able to write OCD in the aspect of obsessive thoughts and the need for things to be the same/ routine. Like always having to have the same things for breakfast or always the same coffee order. Idk if this even makes sense lmao

author's note: Im sorry, I took a different approach to this request. I decided to focus on the reader dealing with the fact that she had OCD just because I couldn't think of any plot surrounding the daily routine of the reader while having OCD. I'm sorry about it, but I hope you still like it.

Personal Records

You sighed as you waited at the other side of the line for Jack to pick up. At the third beep, he answered.

“Hey babe”

“Hey, how’s the tour going?”

“It’s good, I’m having my first show this weekend, and I’m very excited about it. But tell me about you, how you’ve been doing?”

“Everything’s fine”

He quickly picked up on your change of tone of voice.

“Are you sure? You know, if something’s wrong you can tell me, you know that?”

You sighed. He did know you like the back of your hand.

“It’s nothing”

“It doesn’t sound like anything” he said.

“I’ve been…feeling really anxious lately and I don’t know why”

“Hm…have you thought about going to therapy again, you told me it helped you a lot in the past”

“Yeah, but I don’t know…”

“Hey, there’s no shame in asking for help, I know you’re so used to doing things on your own but we all need help from time to time, so don’t beat yourself up over that”

“You’re right, yeah I’ll do that. So how was the show?”

Following my conversation with Jack, I decided to follow his advice and go to therapy.

I had my first session yesterday and I didn’t know what to talk about. I decided to give it some thought while I waited for my next session. Before I knew it, I had made a long list of all the things of things I compiled throughout the week every single time I was upset or anxious.

By the time my next session came around, I got some confusing and surprising news.

I had OCD. “Oh no this is not good”

“Y/N, there’s no reason for you to be scared of this-“

“No, no you don’t get it. I would start imagining that I have different symptoms and obsessed over them”

“Well Y/N….you actually have all the symptoms”

Even though this was kind of confusing, I was still happy about getting a diagnosis, because, in a way, I felt less alienated about what I was feeling for the longest time.

Today Jack was performing at the University of Massachusetts and even though I was happy for him, I just couldn’t help feeling extremely anxious about it, but I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly was bothering me.

I had just finished my Italian Renaissance Art History Class, and I was currently sitting in the food hall with my best friend Cove.

“…and I don’t know I think it was a completely valid point, don’t you think?”

You snapped out of your head.

“What?”

Cove gave you a look.

“I’m sorry I've just been a bit anxious”

“I can tell” she said laughing. “What’s wrong?”

“Jack hasn’t responded to my texts in a while and I’m starting to get worried”

“About?”

“You’ll think it's stupid”

“Try me”

“I- I can’t help thinking something really bad happened. Like yesterday I googled University of Massachusetts shootings and bus crash just to make sure nothing bad has happened”

“I’m sure everything is fine, why don’t you just give him a call?”

Maybe she was right. That night, while getting some work done, she got a call from Jack.

“Hey, babe”

“Jack, hey” you said trying to hide the distress in your voice.

“Are you ok?”

“Yea, why you ask?”

“Your friend told me you were distressed but she didn’t go into a lot of details. What’s wrong?”

There was no point in hiding it anymore.

“My OCD was acting up again”

You got into everything that happened these past few days and he listened to you.

“Hey, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m sorry I didn’t call you, I got caught up-“

“No, you don’t have to apologize”

“I was going to surprise you, but I figured I just say it now. I was planning on stopping by your campus and visiting you”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I figured you probably needed to some company”

It was though coming to terms with what Y/N was going through but knowing she had a support system around her was comforting. It made her feel like it would get better, and she was deeply grateful for having that in her life. 

[violetwritesthings]

hey, are you writing for midnight mass? If so, could I get a full one-shot with Father Paul

(I'm having pruitt brainrot)

Maybe just him adoring and praising the reader like a G-d? Perhaps she's accepted his 'divine gift' and became a vampire too? I'm not sure, anything works please, I just need some adoration and fluff <3

(No worries if not <//3)

okay, so, hi!

i'm so incredibly sorry for taking so long to answer this request (and i don't even think i did it right- the outcome is so not what you asked for, i have no idea where i went with this, i'm so sorry-), so i genuinely hope you like it!

word count: 5.2k~

warnings: bev being a bitch, cannibalism, plenty of midnight mass spoilers, and angel-vampires.

tag list: @vor3lla (if you'd like to be added to the tag list, let me know!)

-+-

the first thing you see is blood.

actually, no, that’s not quite right, you don’t wake to the sight of blood—but you might as well, with the way you’re craving it. you feel this stirring hunger at the pit of your stomach, a gnawing emptiness that’s begging to be filled.

you feel your neck throbbing in pain. you don’t have a heartbeat, not anymore, but you can practically hear the pulsing in your head. you try to turn your neck, but to no avail—the bones are too broken for you to move it even half an inch.

someone calls out to you. someone panicked, someone distressed. they’re calling your name, but it sounds like the voice is getting further and further away. like an echo down a long tunnel.

someone enters your field of vision, hovering over you. your eyes are too blurry to focus properly, but you see dark hair, then a face. your brain scrambles trying to place that face to a name, but your body is too busy adjusting.

your ears ring and buzz and the lights seem so incredibly bright, but that face is hovering in front of you, and you still can’t figure out quite who it is. that starving hunger in your stomach won’t go away, and you find yourself wishing you could go to sleep and dream a dream.

just a silly little dream. that’s all.

“y/n!”

hm. that voice sounds familiar. the person starts to shake your shoulders frantically. you want to tell them to stop, to just let you sleep, but your mouth refuses to comply.

“y/n, wake up! just—just wake up!”

oh, you realize. now you know who that voice belongs to. that face, too.

john.

why is he so upset? everything’s okay. sure, you have this horrible hunger that’s driving you mad, and yes, you realize something’s clearly wrong with your neck, and—oh, right, that puddle of blood underneath you might not be all that normal. but it’s nothing to panic about.

you start to slip under the comfortable blanket of sleep. john’s still calling out for you, but you just can’t bring yourself to care. the warm, bright lights start to dim as your eyes flutter shut and everything turns to black.

-+-

john had been acting strange.

he passed out during mass, which was something that personally scared the crap out of you. you were to first one to get to him, the first one to make sure he made his way home safely. you didn’t care about what the others in the parish would think, not when something was clearly wrong.

(besides, you played it off as simply being a concerned parishioner. none of them needed to know that you’d been in a secret relationship with the man for months, now.)

yet, that wasn’t the strangest part.

the strangest part was when john didn’t show up to mass at all the next day, or the day after that. instead, you got to hear bev keane make up some excuse about how he hadn’t been feeling well and how he would be on bed rest. you wouldn’t believe anything bev said, even in the best of times, but something felt especially off that morning.

you made up your mind. you’d go see him—even if just to make sure that he was alright.

you sat through mass, fidgeting with your hands and bouncing your knees anxiously as you awaited the end of the session. finally, when mass ended, you jumped up and headed outside. instead of going home, as you usually would do, you went the opposite direction—towards the back of the church, where john lived in a small house.

you made your way to the door and knocked lightly. “john? it’s me.”

you didn’t hear anything at first. there was just dead, quiet silence coming from inside. you raised your fist to knock for the second time, but a small voice rang out before you did. shaky. unsteady. “come in.”

you opened the door hesitantly and quickly stepped inside, to make sure nobody saw you walk in. “hey, i’m sorry for barging in on you like this, i was just worried—”

you had turned around while speaking, and immediately went silent.  john was sitting in the corner, bloodied and shaking, and a body was lying dead on the ground—joe collie, you realized after a moment. john was covered in blood, joe was covered in blood, and all you could see was blood, blood, blood.

“oh my god,” you muttered.

your hands flew to your mouth. your visible shock seemed to take john out of his stupor. he finally tilted his head in your direction, meeting your gaze. “i – i'm not – i didn’t, uh, he...he hit his head,” john stammered. “and then, i—”

he couldn’t seem to finish his sentence. you finally regained your sense of movement and briskly walked past joe’s body and knelt in front of john. “jesus christ, john, what happened? how did--i mean,” you gestured wildly. you were at a loss for words.

“joe—he came in to tell me about,” john swallowed thickly. “about his struggles w-with his sobriety, and he fell, and he hit his head, and i was just so hungry.”

you felt your heartbeat quicken. the fight or flight response within you was screaming flight, and you couldn’t help the wave of fear that overwhelmed you. this was something altogether. this was something monstrous.

and yet, under all of the layers of horror and shakiness, you saw sitting in front of you the man you loved—and he was scared. you’d known him for long enough to know that he had no clue what was happening, not really. whatever happened here was horrible, but you would stand by him. you would help him in any way you could.

he wouldn’t leave you in your time of need, so you wouldn’t leave him in his.

“okay,” you nodded. “okay, we can fix this.”

he looked up at you, shocked at your sudden acquiescence. “what?”

“we can fix this,” you repeated. “who else knows?”

john closed his eyes. “uhm, bev. she walked in, after...”

you nodded, your gaze distant as you formulated a plan. “okay, so, bev knows. anyone else?” he shook his head. “okay. okay, good. we should keep this under wraps as much as possible, then.”

“y/n?”

you didn’t have to turn around to recognize the shrill, plain voice of beverly keane. speak of the devil.

you glanced at john for a moment, rolling your eyes, before rising from the ground and facing bev. “hello, beverly.”

“you aren’t supposed to be here,” bev said, casually folding her hands together in front of her lap. “so, i believe you should leave now.”

“i’m not going anywhere,” you retorted. if your tone was a little too sharp, well, you figured you could be forgiven for it in this case. “i know what happened, and i want to help.”

bev sighed and scanned you up and down condescendingly. you already knew she was revving up for a long one. “now, now, y/n. i know all too well that you’ve been sneaking around with the monsignor like a little schoolgirl. now, i've let it pass for the sake of the monsignor’s happiness, but please, don’t mistake that fact as an excuse to act as though you may do whatever you please.”

“you’re talking to me about—”

“stop,” john mumbled. you both quieted down when you heard his voice. he cleared his throat. “you won’t speak to y/n that way, bev. understand that now, or get out.”

you felt the smallest hint of smug satisfaction watching bev’s face morph into a hidden kind of rage. she held her tight grin that was plastered on her face and looked down at john.

“right, well, i simply came in to see how you were doing. i'll go make sure everyone gets home safely and come back when we’re ready to dispose of the evidence.” it sickened you how easily bev referred to joe collie’s dead corpse as ‘evidence,’ but you wouldn’t voice it aloud. you just wanted her to leave. “will you need help cleaning up, monsignor?”

“i’ve got it,” you interrupted.

she looked at you, internally fuming, but finally turned to leave. she sauntered past the dead body as if it were an everyday occurrence and left through the front door.

you sighed. “she’s a joy.” you returned to your previous spot, crouching in front of john. “alright, come on. we really should get you cleaned up. can you stand?”

john blinked, looking around as though he’d just remembered something. “i would, but—the sun.”

you tilted your head in confusion. “the sun?”

he moved his hand forward towards a slip of light that peeked through the window. you jumped back when, inexplicably, his hand started to burn. it was unlike anything you’d ever seen before. he solemnly removed his hand from the sunlight, and you watched as his hand slowly started to heal.

“yeah,” john grumbled. “the sun.”

you widened your eyes. “right, okay,” you stammered. “so, no sun. cool. we can work with that.”

you quickly got up and closed the curtains so that no light would shine through. you realized, then, that john had probably been stuck in the corner since the morning. your gaze caught on joe collie’s body, but you forced yourself to tear your eyes away. you’d help john fix this, even if you didn’t have the full story.

“come on,” you prompted as you held out your hand. john sluggishly took it and rose from the ground. he lost his balance for a moment, but you successfully caught him in an embrace before he could fall. “hey, hey, i've got you,” you muttered soothingly. “you’re okay.”

it was as though he was drunk with the way he swayed in your arms. he held onto you tightly, as if you were a lifeboat in the open ocean. you blew a strand of hair out of your face and looked around you, wondering how the hell you were going to fix all of this.

you’re okay, you thought to yourself. everything’s gonna be fine.

-+-

one day and one night passed.

you helped john clean up, washing the blood and grime out of his hair and skin. he was nonverbal for the majority of it, but he was lucid. he moved when you asked him to, nodded or shook his head with yes or no questions.

by the time you managed to get him dressed and settled, bev had returned with a small group—sturge, the mayor. you weren’t shocked when you realized that they were the ones tasked with removing joe’s body from the house.

the mayor, wade scarborough, appeared the most unsettled. the moment that he expressed no desire to have any part in any of this, bev chewed him out, screaming at him about ‘cherry-picking the bible,’ referencing his daughter leeza’s miraculous recovery.

bev had an incredible ability to make anyone feel badly about themselves, you noted with a scoff.

as bev continued on her rant, you wandered back into john’s room. he had been sitting on the edge of the bed when you left him, but he had apparently moved to stand in front of the window, his back turned to you.

cautiously, you walked towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “hey,” you greeted softly.

“hey,” he replied, not tearing his gaze away from the window.

he seemed so broken. you wished you could come up with something reassuring to say, but your mind came up blank. “things are being dealt with out there, so don’t worry, okay?”

he hummed in acknowledgement, but you had no real way of knowing if he actually heard you. you stayed there a moment, sensing that he probably wanted to be left alone, then started to leave.

“why did you help me?”

you froze. “what?”

“you didn’t have to. you could’ve run away screaming, called me a monster. swore to never see me again. i mean, i wouldn’t have blamed you. but you stayed, and you helped me. why?”

“you’d do the same for me. you and i are a team, remember?” you stepped closer to john and hooked your arms around his torso, leaning your head on his back. “now, if you want to tell me what happened, i’m here to listen. if not, that’s okay too.” he sighed, gripping onto your embrace. “it’s a really long story.”

“hey,” you chuckled. “if i could wrap my head around you being made forty-some years younger by a rogue angel, i could follow along with anything you’ll throw at me.” he laughed at that, then. you hugged him just a bit tighter.

“okay,” he nodded. “okay, yeah. here goes.”

-+-

as it turned out, it was pretty hard to follow.

john told one crazy story, and you didn’t even know how to begin processing it. according to him, he had died—actually died—due to an overdose of the angel’s blood, he suspected. then, he was resurrected just moments later. bev, sturge, and the mayor and his wife had all witnessed it, which is why they had all been involved.

when he had come back to life, it had been nearly insane—he couldn’t be in the sun without burning his limbs to a crisp, he was under constant delirium and confusion, and he had this starving hunger in the pit of his stomach that he just couldn’t shake.

and that’s when joe collie had walked in.

the way that john described the encounter certainly scared you. he made it sound as though he had no control over his own body whatsoever. john had clutched onto joe in a partial embrace, causing him to fall over. when joe hit his head against a table, he’d started bleeding. immensely.

that’s when john couldn’t help himself.

his voice shook as he told the story, and he couldn’t once seem to meet your eyes. he had no guilt for what he had done, he explained, but he did feel guilty for the effect it would have on the others. more importantly, he thought you would certainly see him as nothing but a monster.

you didn’t.

once he’d finished speaking, you stared down at your lap, fiddling with your hands awkwardly. you didn’t quite know what to say. you didn’t know how to react to any of this.

“i know you must think the worst of me,” john eventually said, filling the silence.

“i don’t.” you turned to him, grabbing his hand. “john, i don’t.”

he finally looked up at you. you had his attention.

“to be honest with you, this is taking me a bit to process, but that doesn’t mean i think you’re a monster, or a bad person.” you tightened your grip on his hand to emphasize your point. “i told you, it’s you and me. we’re a team. that means i don’t turn my back on you, you don’t turn your back on me. non-negotiable.”

he just stared at you, this look of adoration and awe in his eyes. “i don’t know how i'll ever be worthy of you.”

you smiled softly. “you already are.”

to prove it, you gently caressed his cheek and leaned in, meeting his lips in a kiss. it was soft, simple, nothing more than an ‘i’m here. i'm with you.’

at least, that’s what you hoped the kiss conveyed until someone cleared their throat loudly.

you and john separated begrudgingly. bev had been standing at the front door, a neutral expression on her face. “my apologies for the intrusion.”

“what is it, bev?” you could hear the pure annoyance in john’s voice; you wondered if bev could hear it too.

“i came to let you know that the body’s been disposed of.”

you wondered how they managed to get rid of joe’s body in such a short time—but, you supposed, when the literal mayor was involved, there were more liberties they could take.

“thank you,” john muttered.

she nodded firmly. “will you be needing anything else?” she subtly turned towards you. “time to rest, perhaps?”

you couldn’t help yourself.

“you know what, bev? that’s actually a great idea,” you replied politely with a smile. “i’d imagine he does need time to rest, so you should probably get going now.”

when john didn’t show any sign of protest, bev silently left through the front door with a huff. you heard the door to the house slam with her departure.

then, sitting in the silence, john started chuckling.

“what?” you asked, actually grinning this time.

he shook his head affectionately. “you are...something else, y/n.”

“oh, come on,” you said, nudging his shoulder. “you know you love me.”

he met your eyes, a genuine smile gracing his face, and he sighed. “that, i do.”

-+-

life with your newly sunshine-allergic, blood-diet priest boyfriend was certainly...

well, weird.

he’d begun conducting mass after the sun had gone down, which the town got quickly adjusted to. he spoke with the same charisma and power as he always did, so it wasn’t as though the town suspected anything.

days had passed and easter had finally come, and the town was alight with excitement. most of the people on crockett island, even those who wouldn’t regularly come to mass, were ready to celebrate the holiday.

the majority of the day was spent getting the church ready. you’d noticed that bev was overly joyous and talkative, which wasn’t exactly normal. she even wished the sheriff a ‘happy easter,’ when she would normally ignore his existence altogether.

something was off.

you two had ended up in the same room together as you set up an array of candles surrounding the church’s interior. she actually started humming, which unnerved you to no end.

eventually, you couldn’t stand it anymore. you exhaled sharply. “okay, what is this?”

she glared at you. “excuse me?”

“you’ve been acting really weird all day.”

“well, that’s because this evening,” she looked around, then dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “the world is going to change.”

you raised an eyebrow skeptically. “oh, really? change, how?”

“oh, y/n, the monsignor and i have the most wonderful plan.” she rushed towards you and held both of your hands tightly in hers. “death won’t need to be a part of life, not anymore. we’re past all of that, now.”

you felt way too uncomfortable with bev’s level of enthusiasm. “what—what are you talking about?”

“we can share the monsignor’s gift —god’s gift—with the entire parish.”

your heart thudded to a stop. you forcefully removed your hands from her grip. “wait. you’re saying you want to kill everyone in the church? put them through what john went through?”

she scoffed lightly. “what the monsignor ‘went through’ was a miracle. he was resurrected, just like our lord, jesus christ, and brought back to revel in the gift he was given, to spread the gospel. this is exactly that.”

“and what happens to everyone else? the people that don’t go to mass. what happens to them? they just die?”

“those who don’t want to be saved...” she trailed off, exhaling deeply. “well, i suppose they’ve already made their choices, now, haven’t they?”

you were speechless. you knew one thing for sure—you needed to go talk to john and stop this insanity before it began. you set down the candles you had left and made your way to the front door. before leaving, you held your hand over the doorknob and decided you’d say one last thing to bev.

“those innocent people that you’re leaving to die?” you turned to face her. “that’s not them and their choices. that’s you, bev, acting like you have a say in who lives and who dies.”

for once in her life, bev had nothing to say.

with that, you walked out.

-+-

“explain. now.”

john looked up at you guiltily from where he was sitting on the edge of his bed. “you weren’t supposed to know.”

“you were planning on poisoning the entire island, john?! no, wait, i stand corrected—you were planning on changing everyone in the parish, then leaving the rest of the island to die.”

“that wasn’t—”

“do you not remember what happened to joe collie? all he did was walk in and you turned it into an all-you-could-eat buffet.” you put your hands on your hips, exasperated. “i'm not saying this to make you feel worse or to throw it in your face, but what do you think’s gonna happen with an entire town full of bloodhungry people?”

john shook his head. “the point, the whole point of this, was to share this miracle. to restore everyone as jesus was restored.”

“jesus wasn’t ‘restored’ by some magical angel hiding off in a dark cave somewhere. and joe wasn’t changed, remember?” you scoffed. “he just died. is that really what you want for everyone?”

he shook his head solemnly, closing his eyes. "no. no, it's not."

you sighed, then sat down on the edge of the bed next to john. the mattress dipped with your weight. “look, i know you have only the best intentions, but this isn’t the way to go about saving them.”

he stayed silent, staring at the wall. you could practically hear the gears in his mind churning, and you hoped that he was hearing what you were saying.

“can i tell you something?” he eventually asked, muttering into the quiet space.

you nodded.

“i did—i do want to save them. i really do. but the truth, the real truth, is that i wanted to save you.”

you furrowed your eyebrows. “what?”

“i’ve already grown old, y/n. i know what it feels like to have your mind slip away from you, to start forgetting things to the point where you barely remember your own name. it’s torture. and the worst part is, you don’t even realize it’s happening.” he looked at you, a barely restrained hopelessness hidden in his eyes. “i couldn’t watch you go through it.”

“john...” you trailed off.

“yeah,” he nodded. “yeah, i know. but can you imagine it? i mean, a life without death. painful death, slow death, all of it, just gone.”

you shook your head firmly. “we can’t do that to those people. you have to know that.”

he sighed, leaning his head on your shoulder.

you had a feeling he was listening.

-+-

you and john walked into the church, hand-in-hand. the sun had long since gone down, and bev was getting prepared to meet the scarboroughs’ in front of their house to lead the parishioners back to the church for easter mass.

“ah! monsignor, good evening,” bev hummed as soon as she’d seen you both walk in. “and y/n. good evening to you as well. everything’s almost ready, i just need to—”

“bev, we need to talk,” john interrupted.

she blinked, frozen in her tracks. “i’m sorry?”

“the plan’s off.” he cleared his throat. “we can’t, uh, we can’t do what we said we’d do.”

you tightened your grip on his hand, a subtle encouragement. a way to remind him that you were still with him.

it seemed as though the words weren’t registering in bev’s mind. you could almost see the loading screen stuck in her expression. “monsignor, i--i'm afraid i don’t understand the sudden change of heart. i thought we’d agreed, this is what’s best for—”

“no. this isn’t what’s best. this isn’t right, this—this isn’t god’s will at work. this was human; this was my own selfishness. god hasn’t been moving through me. i've realized that now.”

“monsignor, no,” bev denied vehemently.

“bev, we’ve been going about this all wrong.” he stepped forward, standing eye-to-eye with bev.

suddenly, something flickered in the corner of your eye, past bev, past john. it was sitting in the corner of the church—had it been there all along? it was something large, grey, evil.

it loomed ominously. something moved once, twice—wings. one large pair of wings attached to a long, lanky body were staring right at you. that’s when it clicked.

this must have been the angel that changed john the first time, then made him into what he was now. but from the looks of it, this angel didn’t look like an angel at all. in fact, only one word popped into your head as you stared at the creature standing in the corner.

demon.

it flapped its wings again; once, twice. you realized with a gasp that the creature was getting ready to fly. its eyes, its dark, dark eyes were practically boring holes into john’s head. it was planning to attack him for the third time, wasn’t it?

john and bev were too delved into their heated conversation to notice the large thing in the corner of the room, but you watched it, frozen in fear.

that’s when it took flight.

you barely had half a second to react. you pushed john out of the way, knocking him to the side, taking the brunt of the creature’s force. it brought you to the ground and hissed—it sounded like a high-pitched squeal directed into your eardrums.

it threw its head back, then sunk its teeth into your neck.

you screamed—it was the only thing you could think to do, considering you couldn’t think at all due to the overwhelming pain in your neck. you couldn’t hear anyone else, couldn’t see anyone else, with the way that the creature’s wings covered your field of vision.

you screamed, and screamed, until your vocal cords felt raw. still, the creature drank from you with no remorse.

eventually, the worst of the pain started to fade, which you were grateful for. that was, at least, until you realized that it was because you were fading yourself. your thoughts weren’t coherent anymore and you found yourself dizzy and disoriented. the creature still drank.

you were dying, weren’t you?

minutes passed, or maybe hours. you couldn’t have known how much time had really gone by. the creature slowed its feast, then stopped altogether. it licked its lips, flapped its wings once more, and flew off somewhere. you heard the church’s doors swing on their hinges with its departure.

you vaguely saw the silhouetted figure of someone rushing over to you. then, you saw nothing at all.

-+-

when you next woke, the first thing you saw was blood.

well, that’s not quite right, you didn’t wake to the sight of blood, but you might as well have, with the way you craved it.

you thought you saw john’s face come into view, but you couldn’t really tell. you were coming in and out of consciousness, unable to focus for more than a few moments at a time. you thought that maybe you saw him crying, but you couldn’t be sure.

it felt like you weren’t sure of anything anymore.

finally, your eyes fluttered open.

“y/n, oh, thank god. thank god,” john muttered, moving the hair out of your face.

you were still disoriented, trying to gauge your surroundings. your neck felt like it had split into six different pieces. more than anything else, though, you were hungry.

“what—” you groaned. the lights from the candles you’d set up earlier were blinding you. “what happened?”

“the angel, it attacked you.” he shook his head. “well, it was coming for me, but you—you saved me.”

oh right, you thought. the creature.

you tried sitting up from where you were laying on the floor, but a sharp crack of pain in your head stopped you in your tracks.

“no, no,” john shushed. “stay still. your neck still needs time to heal.”

“it killed me, didn’t it?” you whispered. “i’m--i'm like you, now?”

a tear slid down his face as he nodded. “yes, my dearest. you’re like me now.”

your own eyes started to water as the rest of your memories trickled in. you realized that you were dead—really dead—and you’d never get to see the sunlight again, and that desperate, gnawing hunger in your gut would never go away.

how would you possibly keep going?

before you could answer that question, you realized just how exhausted you were. you slowly fell back into a numb state of unconsciousness, floating in an empty sea within your mind. you weren’t asleep, but you weren’t exactly awake, either. you were stuck in that fragile in-between state. you didn’t know how long you were stuck in limbo.

the next time you woke up, the church’s curtains had been drawn back, blocking the small rays of sunlight from coming in.

it was daytime, you presumed. the church had to have been empty, considering you heard no footsteps, no movement—unless...?

finally able to move your neck, seeing as though it had healed during your restless sleep, you turned your head to the side. you saw john sitting in the corner, his arms locked around his knees. he had his head down and his breathing was heavy—you quickly realized that he had fallen asleep. had he been there all night?

you sat up slowly, hissing at the dull pain that wracked throughout your body. you paused, took a deep breath, then continued.

when you made your way across the church, you slid on the floor next to john. the movement finally roused him from his sleep. he looked up at you, then to where you’d been lying on the floor, then back to you, as if he were trying to figure out how you’d gotten there.

“y/n. you’re awake.”

you nodded. “yeah. i'm awake.”

“i’m so, so sorry. for all of this.” he shook his head. “if i hadn’t--”

“hey. don’t do that,” you interrupted, raising your hand. “don’t blame this all on yourself.”

he fell silent. you both stared straight ahead at the closed curtains that blocked the sunlight from coming in. it was a strange, fearful thought that the slightest movement of these curtains could cause your body to literally start burning.

in the silence, a thought occurred to you. “the parish. what happened last night?”

“i, um—mass was canceled, last night. we didn’t go through with the plan.”

“good.” you sighed, glancing at the empty pews. “i’m sure the whole town was thrown off by that.”

“there were more important matters to deal with last night,” he said, turning to look at you with those soft eyes of his.

you felt a smile tugging at your lips, but you quickly sobered. “this plan. it’s off for good, right?”

he nodded. “that creature? the one that presented itself to me as an angel? after what it did to you, i wouldn’t--i couldn’t--” he sighed, aggravated, before shaking his head. “so, what do we do now?”

“now, we...figure out a new way to survive.” you thought for a moment, then amended your previous statement. “i'm not eating from people, not if i can help it.”

he nodded. “okay. we’ll find a different way.”

“and that creature, that thing, we’ll need to figure out what to do with it.”

“we’ll deal with it as it comes.”

“and we’ll make sure it doesn’t hurt anyone else,” you added. you felt a surprising sense of relief, now that you had a solid plan. you scooted closer to john, then let your head rest on his shoulder. “can i tell you something?”

he hummed, a form of acknowledgement.

“if there was anyone to be stuck as a dead person with, i'm glad that it’s you.”

he chuckled, then grabbed your hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it. “likewise, my love. likewise.”