#i'm not really in a good headspace right now and idk who to turn to cause everyone's up in arms (rightfully so)

[bubblegumlefty]

I'm just so fucking drained...

I don't think you need to know the reason why, do you?

[sherewrytes]

Lost cause

Sukuna x reader

Sukuna and Y/n has been distant for some time. Talks and time spent together become less and less.

genre. fluff to angst (idk), established but toxic relationship, 18+

tags/warnings. boyfriend! sukuna, profanity, smoking, alcohol/intoxication, talks of depression. minors dni.

notes: This is just straight off the dome, unedited. I just had a plot and rain with it. Hope it doesn't make you cry.

You were tired

It was 8:51pm, you hadn't heard from Sukuna in two weeks really. The last messages you got was him saying

Bro stop spamming my messages. We will talk soon I thank you for checking in but I'm not in the right headspace rn, I'll talk to you soon

Thank God you can see notifications on your screen so you won't have to open his messages. You left it unopened. This is how things were between you two right now. You'd barely speak then hang out once a month, talk a bit then he's MIA again. You knew Sukuna had shit hard. Family passed, taking on a lot of responsibilities that aint his own. You knew that somewhere deep down he cared, or maybe you wanted to believe he still cared.

The I love yous over the months were less and less, you went from babe and baby to just a simple bro. You felt iced out of his life. You kept your promise to be there for him but it's like he was failing on his.

You laid in bed contemplating calling him but knew he most likely won't pick up. You contemplate smoking a blunt or just drinking altogether to ease the pain you felt but you thought "what's the point." You wondered if to pray for some sign he still wanted this and much as you did.

Your mind played on a conversation you guys had last month where he told you he still wants this relationship and still wants you. He said, "I stay away when things are hard with me mentally cause I don't wanna bring that shit to you." You laid in bed replaying old voice notes to hear his voice. You closed your laptop and turned off your wifi on your phone just so you won't be tempted to call him.

You remember the moments you'd talk for hours on end. He would always show up when you needed him most but these days it felt like you were showing up for yourself more than he was. Some days you felt tempted to end things other days you felt the love come back.

You remember another conversation you had with him after an argument you had over something, and he said he's worried that you're losing feelings for him. You didn't confirm or deny it.

It's now 11pm

You already texted Sukuna for the night, and there was no answer. Your messages were unread. You saw a text message came in. It was Sukuna it was just a voice note saying

"Hey there, good night. Still not in a good space mentally but as you know when things get tough you gotta keep going"

You listened to it, missing the sound of voice so much, it almost moved you to tears. You felt like confused on whether you should keep trying with him and being patient or just end it. You simply responded

"Thanks for the motivational pep talk and you're happy to see he's a bit better."

After that, it was back to radio silence with Sukuna again. You felt like your world was falling apart. He was the one who chose you. He pursued you, so why was he acting like this. He kept saying he cared, but he's never around. The stuff you know about his personal life is tough and you get why things are a certain way.

You were tired of always feeling like you were putting in more than you were getting, wondering if you were just being played or used. Tired of conversations so you decided to just live your life and whatever happened between you and Sukuna happened.

He was tired

Sukuna was tired of always making you feel like you meant nothing. There was no one else for him but you. His feelings for you overwhelmed him. All he could think about was you. He needed a moment to clear his head and all it made want was you. He won't deny the time away from you helped him. He was scared to come back around. He knew you weren't one to tolerate shit. He wants to be better not only for himself but for you. He hoped this time away helped you as much as it helped him.

He saw your texts, your missed calls. He was avoiding it, fuck, he was avoiding you. Maybe he was avoiding the emotions you made him feel. He still remembers how your lips felt when you first kissed him. How soft your hands were in his. How the shade of baby blue on your nails when you first met warmed his heart.

He was scared to lose you. He felt like you were done with him. He wasn't done with you. He wants to be better. He hates pushing you away. He knows it's his trauma and his pain from his fucked up life.

He hates that it's ruining everything he wants. He wants you, only you. You're the only one he gets emotional with. You're the only one he talks to on a deep level. He knew from the moment he heard you in the background some months ago when he called Toji. Your voice alone, let him know you were his.

He wants to fix things but he feels like you're done. He sees the signs. He knows he should be doing more but right now, his life and his mind is overwhelmed. He still loves you but he isn't sure if you still love him.

Sukuna finds himself outside your apartment, dreading this moment. He decided to try to fix things. He runs his hand through his hair then knocks on your door.

Your door opens and it's Sukuna. You were shocked to see him there. It's 10pm. You sigh and said "Oh you suddenly remember me?"

Sukuna face paled just a little then he sighed. " y/n, can we talk...please."

You study his face expression, you want to hear him out but decided against it. You told him frankly "Sukuna it's late. I think you should just head home." Sukuna felt tears sting the back of his eyes. There was no love or anything he remembered in your eyes. He panicked " y/n please, I just wanna explain what's been going on with me."

You sigh and close the door in his face. Sukuna was shocked he never got that reaction from you ever.

Were you done with him for real Did he not matter to you anymore Did he spend to much time away Did someone get into your head

All these thoughts were racing through his mind. He fished out his pack of cigarette from his pocket and lit one up. He stood at your door for as long as it took him to smoke three cigarettes back-to-back before he realised he should just leave.

He headed down your complex's car park and hoped on his bike and headed home. He walked into the usual. Mom and Step dad on the their phones. His little sister on his laptop. His twin brother studying trying to use education as a way out of this hell hole they all lived in.

He sat alone in his room, thinking about how he fucked up, the one thing that was good for him. He found himself outside sitting on the wall in his family back yard scrolling through old messages between you two. He saw how his I love yous became less, how you'd express how him being hot and cold upset you. He saw everything. He saw you lashing out on him cause of your own issues as well. It made him feel sick.

He approached you first and he couldn't be consistent. He started hating his life. he mumbled to himself " If shit wasn't so fucked him in my life I'd have her. I'd give her everything she wants."

he remembered an issue you both had where a former friend/ fling of yours was trying to get with you. He remembered you showing him the messages and the emotion seething through him. He remembered the fear that he might lose you to someone else. How can a guy say he knows you better than him, knows what you like what you love. That's his role. He begged you for the guys handle to have a word him with him. The guy paid Sukuna no mind.

Sukuna realized he has no pictures of you and him together. NONE. all he can do is look at the pics you sent him randomly and feel sick. Why the hell was he doing this.

He found himself back in your messages sending a long voice note.

You were pissed off at Sukuna having the audacity to show up at your door. It's been almost a month of almost little to no contact. You decided to send him home and get back to your own devices. You were scrolling on Tik Tok when you saw a message from Sukuna. You clicked on it, planning to leave him on read and saw it was a voice note. 7 minutes.

You were curious so you pressed play. The first thing you noticed was the lick of his lighter and the usual inhale. His voice sounded a bit shaky y/n. You...You, there's shit I've done that I didn't mean to do. I wasn't aware I was doing this shit. I've just been treating you based off my past experiences and that's how I usually am with people. I tried to handle you different, well they way you would want me to..... for the most part. I dont have the type fo conversations we have....had with anyone. I dont sit down one on one and talk to people the way I do with you. You heard him flick his lighter again and inhale then exhale. then he continued People around see me different than how you see me. They see me as positive and serious. The way Im with you. I don't be like that with anyone. If you get what I mean. I won't lie y/n you're difficult to deal with, fuck even Im difficult to deal with. I know you're way more sensitive and I can't deal with you, the way I deal with others in my life. Dealing with you sometimes, it's complicated for me, highly so but it's also new and different. Im still trying to learn you in that way. I've never had anyone like you before y/n. I can only do so much from what I know and try to understand your old world and how things are from your perspective. Im being honest it is difficult for me. Sometimes I need to take a step back to try to understand and if I can't, you make me understand. You heard Sukuna sigh then he continued on again.

Me working on myself and bettering myself for you and like my future with you would be an amazing thing. I understand that you gotta work hard and grind to get that shit as well but everything I do is for a reason. I don't do shit to spite anyone or hurt anyone especially not intentionally. I may be rough at times but I got my reasons. Im only human. Im always....Im used to thinking people are attacking me and I always push people away. Idk why I do. I don't know if it's ptsd, I don't know if it's self harm. I don't know if there is something I don't like about myself that causes me to act this way and push people away. I don't know if it's just that I can't accept certain things about people and certain things about myself. I try to understand a lot more every day and that's one of the reasons why I wanted some time to myself.

I wanted time for you for yourself as well to think. I wanted time for me to think. You told me when we met, I met you at an awkward time and from there everything was like a rush. I just wanted to take a breather. I wanted to live in the moment of life. hopefully this mini break which was partially intentional. I wont say it was fully intentional only partially. I felt like I didn't have a choice. I mean in a way I did and I didn't because I know couldve gotten help but at the same time y/n I didn't wanna use the time I had to just drop everything and come online and be around when I wanted to just grind and try to get shit together. I just needed that space for myself to think and comprehend things and I hoped it worked for you as well. I didn't do any of this to like really..... I won't say it's all your fault. I wanted some time to recuperate my mind. you know, there is multiple reasons why. That's why I came overI wanted to have a talk with you. I'll you sometime...if you want that and we could discuss a lot of things. Im only human.. I dont know if anything I said made sense to you y/n....

The voice note ended. You didn't know how to respond to him

He then sent you a gif with the caption this be us fr

You just stared at your screen not knowing what to say. Sukuna's words confused you. You decided to at least sleep on it and think.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

I don't want to derail this post or argue with anyone about how to live laugh love their way through this vale of tears, but this is *such* a good summation of the perspective barriers between different types of readers.

My idea OF HELL is receiving an extensive rundown of the tone, themes, tropes, characters, etc of every book I pick up before I read it. Why bother at that point. Literally why fucking bother. I feel physical rage every time some desperately tap-dancing marketing rep attempts to spit a half-chewed novel into my mouth like I'm a goddamn three-day-old pigeon.

It is genuinely baffling to me how resistant people are now to just being taken on a ride. You know who enjoys it when the book has one paragraph of summary and three glowing reviews from other people who can write good? ME. THAT'S FOR ME, I'M THE AUDIENCE FOR THAT. I want a very general sense of genre (is it funny? Super cerebral? Will it scare the shit out of me?), and I want someone who's not an idiot to be like, Read this, shit, dude, it'll light your face on fire. After that, idk, man, whatever happens happens? Maybe I'll hate it, but at least I gave it a chance to make its case to me, you know?

Because that's what really bothers me about the desire to fine-tune your reading list to filter only for what you enjoyed before. It's not just that you'll inevitably cheat yourself out of the life-changing book that isn't what you thought you wanted until after you read it -- although that's true, you definitely will. It's the entire headspace of using reading as a means to reify the type of reader you are, the kind of thing you enjoy. Approaching books in that way means that, if you do the job right, you'll turn yourself into a Well-Read Person who never has to have a negative reaction to a book, and that's how we arrive at a culture of people who think they love books, but who actually love the pleasure of receiving exactly and specifically what you ordered. It's an algorithmic way of experiencing the world. It's the way of thinking that allows people to seriously contemplate the idea of ChatGPT fiction, because isn't that what these "AI"s are designed to do? Deliver whatever you ask it to? Learn what you want and give you that with as few deviations as possible?

Idk, man, the 80% of me that is just a chill hippie at heart is like, you can do whatever you want forever, so fine, read all the YA your heart desires, love and light. But the 20% of me that really, like, cares about the transformative power of art or some corny shit like that just experiences existential agony at the current landscape of the genre I love, where people are really actively pissed off because reading adult fiction is hard to do without ever encountering surprises. Yeah! It is hard to do that! It's supposed to be hard!

Anyway, the last really good novel I read was The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, and it's hard to describe. I think you'd like it, though.

[destinyc1020]

Honestly for me, sadly, it's the fandoms that have ruined other actors for me. Orrr more specifically, an actor (TC I'm sorry!). I was on twitter once a while back and pointed out the hypocrisy that his fans had when they needlessly dragged Tom in an extremely catty way that also made fun of his dyslexia. Two of those stans took issue with me pointing out this problem and continued to harass me, making new accounts to impersonate other people and to talk to me again. It was so disturbing, and these people were incredibly obsessed with TC to the point where it was just worrisome. I seriously concerned that they would try to hack into my account because of how harshly they spammed me with threats. It was just a big bummer of an experience because it was legitimate harassment (I reported it and at least two of their spare accounts were suspended, at least), but it put a huge, huge dampener on any kind of interest I had in seeing his projects or supporting his work.

And having kind of surveyed the twitter situation from afar for the past few years, I think the majority of the utterly rude hate for Tom does come from a bigger percentage of Tim's fans. With Tom, the toxic ones to Tim on twitter I can count on with one hand. But with Tim, the amount of his fans who truly detest Tom on an unreasonable level are really up there and it seems normalized among a pretty good amount of them (strictly speaking this is on twitter, I think the situation on tumblr is much different thankfully!). And the sad thing is that if I didn't have that experience with the harassment, I wouldn't have any strong feelings about TC one way or another, maybe I would have even come to like him. Now I can't look at him without thinking about the online harassment I received that honestly messed with my mental health for a bit. Stans that behave really inappropriately like that NEED to realize that even though they want to 'defend' their fave, what they are actually doing in some cases is turning others OFF to their work! Thankfully I have not been bothered since their accounts were suspended, and I certainly spend MUCH more time on tumblr than twitter these days which is so much more positive for my headspace, but I really urge fans of all actors to BE KIND most of all.

Thank you for the space to rant Destiny, and for your blog! It really shifted my fandom experience to find this corner of the internet, things are so much more balanced and reasonable on tumblr compared to twitter, it feels very healthy and fun to follow things here. I think the word count on tumblr makes a big difference, here it's more about deep thoughts than just quick one liners!

Wowww..... 🤯

First of all Anon, can I just say??? I am SO sorry to read what you went through with re: to Timmy's fans. I'll just say right from the outset that online bullying and threats are NEVER okay. 😤

Idk why some fandoms feel like they have to be so unhinged like this. 🥴 If it's getting to the point where you feel the need to have to bully someone or make threats towards them online, then hun....you need to either STOP stanning whoever you're stanning, or take some LOOONG breaks away from social media, because I promise you, it is NEVER that deep. 🤨

I don't even think Timmy (or any of these actors for that matter) would feel happy that some of their fans are attacking people like that online on their behalf. 😔

Thank you for sharing your story Anon... I am SO glad that you're now doing so much better now that you've left Twitter and stay mostly on Tumblr now. 🥰

In regards to your feelings about Timmy....I'll say that you're definitely not alone. I know some other fellow fans of Tom have felt completely turned OFF from Timmy simply (and largely in part) due to his FANDOM. I know not all Timmy fans are like this (of course not), but based on what I've been hearing from others, it seems that for some reason, there's a large segment of his fandom who IS like this towards Tom or Tom fans. 😔 Honestly? I think a lot of it goes back to the fact that they both auditioned for Spiderman. Maybe some of Timmy's fans feel threatened by the fact that Tom got the role over Timmy?? Idk.... 🤷🏾‍♀️

Against my BETTER judgement, I took a little gander at Twitter sometime after Ep 8 aired, and I just did a search on Tom's name in tweets, and BOY was THAT a mistake.... 😒🙄🤦🏾‍♀️ I totally understand what fans mean by Tom gets way more hate on Twitter than most actors in his age range. I even did a search on Timmy's name just for comparison.

Granted, I don't think Timmy is in the same fame/popularity bracket as Tom, but it was just interesting to see the stark contrast. While most tweets were about sightings, thirst tweets, pics, fan encounters, filming news, upcoming projects, and other random postings for Timmy, with Tom ,it seemed like a lot of the tweets were jokes/memes at his expense, film bros hating on him, random jokes regarding Tom and Zendaya, and just overall IMMATURITY honestly.🙄

It was very heartbreaking to see. 😭

I think the hate on Tom is actually very multi-faceted, and that's what makes it somewhat unique. I mean, ALL actors/celebrities get hate at some point or another...that's just an unfortunate part of the business. 🥴😔 But I think with Tom, the hate on him comes from SO many different angles, and I think that's why fans seem to feel it more.

There's the hate coming from:

Twitter Film Bros

People who hate on Tom simply because of jealousy and the fact that he's so popular and successful

Tomdaya Antis who don't like Tom and Zendaya together

Zendaya Stans who DON'T like Z with Tom

People in the GP who just don't like him for whatever reason 🙄

Spider-Man fans who ONLY like Tobey

Spider-Man fans who ONLY like Andrew

Spider-Man fans who ONLY like Tobey OR Andrew

Timmy Chalamet Stans who hate on Tom with a vengeance for some reason 🙄

Members of the gp who think he's too "ugly", "too short", too "WHATEVER....

People who just don't like Marvel films PERIOD lol

Immature fans/meme-generators who just use Tom's name for likes and clicks in order to be "funny" or go "viral" on Twitter 🙄

Have I missed anyone?? 😅🤣

Anyway.... I think THIS is why the hate is so prevelant...It seems to be coming from ALL angles, and I honestly don't know if any other actor (in our generation at least) has ever had to deal with this level of hate before....at least, not on a social media level. 😔 I'm pretty sure this is probably one reason why he got rid of social media.

So yea, it's very sad.... 😭 Why do you think I stay away from Twitter MOST of the time?? It's because, it's VERY negative, and I don't need that energy disturbing my spirit and positive vibes. 😌

I know I sound like a broken record, but I still urge fans to PLEASE stop going on Twitter..... Ignore that nonsense. People are immature on that app, and they run jokes into the GROUND.

We can't control what people say or do unfortunately, but if you DO see something that seems to really just cross the line on that app, definitely report it!

Anyway, sorry for this long dissertation Anon...If you made it this far, I hope you are now in a better place. 🥰

The last thing I will say is, please don't allow immature Timmy fans/or other fandoms to ruin you of enjoying an actor's work. You have to separate the actor from his fans. It might even be a good idea to just watch the work and ignore the fandom(s). 🤷🏾‍♀️

[worldenough-and-time]

Fic Song Tag Game

Thank you @spindrifters for the tag!! This is gonna be unhinged jsyk, basically half these songs actually inspired the fic and the other half happened to be my hyperfixation song during an intense period of writing so they do not relate lyrically at all, but the vibes… the vibes.

True Blue by Boy Genius

But it feels good to be known so well

I can't hide from you like I hide from myself

I remember who I am when I'm with you

Your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue

Okay obviously I have to include the song that TTTB gets it’s title from. You’ve never done me wrong!!! Except for that one time!!!! Genuinely the sapphic Wolfstar anthem… what else can I say….

Body to Flame by Lucy Dacus

Longing for your short hair to grow back to the way you like

Thank you for the gesture

I regret ever implying that you could be better

Didn't mean to empty your perfect body

And fill it with my passing will

Easily won, weary of losing, gullible girl

Weak and alluring, well, we break our rules

Get drunk in the dark

Laughing aloud at the spinning stars

Ok this one is scary- so what happened is I wrote two scenes for TTTB before I ever heard this song, and then Mel read them and then she listened to this song and she was like “dude… this song is about your fic and those two scenes specifically” and I was like “haha yeah it’s Lucy Dacus, the Queen of Sapphic Pining” but then I listened to the song and like… the specificity. They lyrics match up exactly. You will see when we get to fourth and fifth year, but, Lucy, my wife, we were drinking from the same mother lake…

Vampires by Tommy Lefroy

And I know you

I know you

I know you know

I know you feel everything

Okay so this one has the above lyrics, which became a sort of source code for TTTB Sirius. I associate this song with her and it helped to ground my writing of her character in the first couple chapters. Anyway I love her, also Tommy Lefroy rules, they’re gonna get big, I just know it.

Holland, 1945 by Neutral Milk Hotel

The only girl I ever loved…

This one has absolutely jack shit to do with anything related to this fic, but I was deeply hyperfixating on it back in January when I was first outlining TTTB, sooo yeah. I also wrote the first scene I ever wrote for this fic while listening to this song on repeat at my favorite coffee shop.

The Bench by Like Roses

Break down with me on the phone

Just like we did those nights when I was at home

This is another one that lyrically doesn’t have much to do with anything, but really helped me achieve the specific angsty headspace I needed to be in to write the year one Christmas chapter when Sirius goes home to Grimmauld Place. Also the above lyrics really gave me ‘prongsfoot talking through the mirrors’ vibes. I know this song is actually about addiction, like I’m aware.

Francis Forever by Mitski

I don’t think I could stand to be

Where you don’t see me

Mel texted me in a panic because she had read a snippet of a scene I wrote from sixth year and then listened to this song in close succession and she said that she had never really listened to these lyrics before, or she didn’t fully get what they meant, until she read that snippet and thought about this song and had a breakdown. Anyway, something for y’all to look forward too. Post prank vibes, delicious angst.

Honorable Mentions go to:

The entirety of Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me- nothing is more punk rock than being transgender and if you haven’t listened to this album yet, do yourself a favor and turn that shit up right now. Fucking bangers all the way through.

Dreamt We Were Closer by Ash Tuesday- look it’s not my fault that this is a Wolfstar song, okay???

For Sale: Ford Pinto by Rosie Tucker- my current hyper-fixation song, idk what will come of it yet but it is a whole vibe.

Tagging Mel @capacity-for-wonder who is on her honeymoon but will never miss a chance to make a playlist.

[misscammiedawn]

50 Days of HypnoKink - Day 17: Infatuation

Alignment: 60% Top, 40% Bottom. This is one of those ones where the taste was developed through experience and then as I got to see it in others it grew into something I liked doing to trusted partners.

I *adore* the way love makes me feel and I love seeing traces of it in another person. It's just such a rich inner warmth.

I wrote briefly during the musical update about my experiences with suggestions that compelled song. I've had a couple times in my life where "Musical Episodes" were suggested and the feeling is like a welling in the heart that explodes out like a sneeze, unable to be restrained by the body anymore.

That's how musical theatre is described. "When the emotion is too big to be contained by dialogue the character begins to sing."

Why I bring this up now is because it's very much the idea I want to conjure with infatuation spells.

Emotion Control is a tricky mistress to play with because if you push too hard you can start conditioning things which will change who the person is and if we learned anything from my Day 11 post it's that playing with the fiber of someone's being is a risky thing.

But with the right grounding and boundaries prepared, this one is very much in my wheelhouse of "safe and enjoyable" as my Jedi mentor would say.

So the first and obvious one is treating infatuation in the same way as an arousal trigger and given my comments on lip-to-lip contact being my asexual equivalent to sexual contact, feel free to read everything I'm reading here as an emotional analog to arousal control. I just replace "heat" with "adoration/affection/passion/longing" etc.

This one makes a good companion to the kissing suggestion because it's a way of turning the heart and mind against one another. If I have a bratty partner who wants to avoid trance and I am using a kiss based induction, all I need to do is make them swoon and sigh and yearn until their body betrays them and they melt in my arms.

Oh I *love* that one.

When I am in my soft headspace the best application of this is turning me into an absolutely adorable puddle of love and affection or doing a hot/cold on/off thing. Like with a trigger I go from calm and neutral to feeling my heart pouring out of my eyes as I fall to my knees in yearning or am consumed by the ever growing need to just nuzzle affectionately and CLING to my partner and never ever ever ever let go!

Like-- let's just assume emotion control okay and safe and good. Then it's a way for my heart to explode with all the passion it has and my heart has MUCH emotion! Like many lots! A ton!

And in certain circumstances that emotion can ride the sense of submission and longing. The more drunk on love I feel the more tame and pliant I become. It's a fun back-and-forth. But like. ONLY with proper grounding and prep to ensure it doesn't make permanent links.

IDK. I just really like the look on a person's face when they are swooning not just from bliss of hypnosis but also like UNRESTRAINED affection <3 it is just VERY YES. Idk. I kinda thought I'd have more to write about this one...

---

Day 16: Betrayal

FULL SCHEDULE MASTER POST

Day 18: Vampire Kink

[dulcewrites]

I saw girls in Tik Tok claiming that Nettles was in the way of Daemon and Nyra..they are blaming a 16 year old instead of the 50 year old man, the MaL3 wifeee that was supposed to be by her wife's side as she was grieving her sons' death.

Wow.Just wow.

Also people there claiming she is his Daughter when he never cared for his daughters in the first place in the show; also in the books, when Nettles left, Carexes' screeches broke the windows and he disobeyed Nyra's order that wanted the girl's death.

Feel bad for Nyra..he lost her sons, her family and Daemon is there fooling around with a child and the sad thing, Nyra will never blame her..groomer(if people said that their relationship is normal for medieval's standards, I'm gonna fight them, it's still creepy and disgusting)

Sorry for the rant

Also people telling that D is out of character at the end of the episode..the man killed his first wife, neglected the second and he ignores his two daughters🙄

Also people there saying the author is going to be involved in season 2 writing and changing Daemon's character because he is his favorite..I don't think so..you can love character and acknowledged how problematic they can be annd people stating "Dameyra is gonna win, D will never do that☺😡" oh boy..the point of the dance of the dragons is not the romance, but how war can change people and doesn't spare anyone from despair, death and suffering.

Gonna start right off the bat and say people give George way too much credit when it comes these shows. I haven’t finished got (the show) but based on popular opinion, it went to shit… and he still got ‘back into bed’ with hbo for hotd, and probably more shows in the future. He wants a bag. Do I think he’s proud of his work and likes certain characters? Sure. But the people making up rumors or saying he’d get involved just for daemon are pulling it out of their ass bc they are upset about his portrayal (for some reason). George signed off on s1. He does not care like that so people will just have to die mad about the changes made 🤷🏽‍♀️ (myself included).

Also tangent but people have gone as far as to make really disgusting comments about Miguel’s wife.. all bc she thought it would be a good idea to have Rhaenyra and Alicent have a close relationship? It’s funny that the people who think they are doing the pinnacle of feminism by supporting some fictional white haired girl will turn around and attack real people (Emily, Olivia, and now Alexis). Blaming his wife on a decision that was signed off by a room full of majority MALE showrunners/writers

Now onto Rhaenyra, daemon, and nettles. As long as their is a white man to champion and lift up, it really doesn’t matter what Rhaenyra or nettles do, he’s gonna somehow be the victim. In the book, Rhaenyra says some fucked up shit about nettles and that’s on her (idk if they will even adapt the classism and racism knowing how they are characterizing hotd nyra). It’s one of the reason I truly dislike book Rhaenyra and wonder why her hardcore fans would want a direct interpretation of the book. But the way people just skip over daemon leaving his wife is crazy. He groomed her, then cheated on her (first with mysaria), and now in the show abused her… so yeah she’s not in a great headspace. People can complain about how they have painted daemon, that’s their prerogative if they like him, but acting as if they have made some great character into a bad one is just false. He sucked in the book… he does in the show. There’s nothing morally grey about a good 70% of the stuff he does

[laggingbehindreality]

Well anons are off. Nevertheless! Kinks oh kinks. Idk what they are tbh I'll just list off whatever I can think of. So like these won't be the. Proper names. (I'm listing off what I'd find interesting ahah)

Vore. That's a tied and true one.

Breastfeeding. With the milk.

Getting your head crushed (idk if literal) between the thighs

Knife (or scalpel. Wink wink) and cuttingg yeaaa

Choking

Finger sucking

Alright I'm leaving you with those.

ahahaa yeah sorry,,, I'm not risking anons I like having my mental health not careen into the abyss

But anyway, top 10 kinks lets GO

10/10 for Vore, just because it's the one I've written a fic about with the intent for it to be kink related. There's something about the horror and intimacy of it; sometimes it's the terror of being trapped in impending death with no escape, other times it's trusting someone so deeply that you know they wouldn't hurt you and they know you wouldn't hurt them in turn. Eating is a mundane horror we never really think about, and I want to get weird about it if the option presents itself. (Also the sometimes present is the symbology of pregnancy? Carrying someone else's life on your body? I don't know if it means anything but I am chewing on it regardless. I think we should show this one to Sigmund Freud after we show him Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

5/10 for breastfeeding. I have read fics where it was doing something for me, but also without the right context it just kind of reminds me of my mom and aunts when they had to feed their kids, and that pulls me out of it. There's symbology in it that I could be interested in (especially if it's in tandem with other MILF-related kinks) but I don't think I'm the right guy to dig into it on its own.

7/10 for head crushing. Due to how long I've been on tumblr, the mention of this kink even wthout specified gender evokes the image of a muscular woman dominating me, and I love muscular women, I am so starved for muscular women content now that I think about it, I was watching Encanto with my cousins and Luisa Madrigal's song came on and I started hyperventilating so loud one of them asked me if I was okay. ANYWAY, as for the actual act of putting a head between thighs and that head getting squeezed...? Like the breastfeeding, I've seen contexts were it was done really well and I went awooga, I don't know if I'd go out of my way to make art or fic about just that on its own.

2/10 for knifes and cutting. I'm very squeamish about injury and blood loss when it's not properly cleaned and treated I can't get into a horny headspace because I'm too busy panicking about the cut getting infected or that if the brain looses too much blood it'll die and the affected will have to deal with symptoms of stroke for the rest of their life please be careful if you are actually doing this in real life I am not joking. Raven from Guilty Gear is the only character who I can see this happening to that it would be fine because he likes it. Sometimes Happy Chaos, also? There are other immortal characters who this can happen to but Raven is the one who unequivocally states in canon that he enjoys it. Good for him, honestly, worlds sluttiest old man award goes to this really hormny bird.

0/10 for choking please be careful if you are actually doing this in real life I am not joking. But other than that, I can sorta see it. I can almost see the angle by which this would be desirable to someone else; the trust from the partner, the danger of it going too far, the absolute submission. However, as stated before, I am too squeamish from the medical standpoint. What if you bruise your windpipe or pop an artery or have a stroke please think about the medical ramificationsssss

8/10 for finger sucking, in a certain context. I haven't sought out or found content dedicated to this kink, so maybe I am misunderstanding the point, but here's my uninformed take regardless. It's like,, it's the suggestion. It's a pointed invitation that nobody's gonna do on accident, you know? Your bestie offers you some hors d'oeuvre and if they're just offering you to take some with your own hands, then you're just having a snack. Bestie offers to FEED you, you've got the. option to just take it with your hand, BUT you can also lick their fingers. NOW it's getting steamy, it's not nsfw in and of itself, there has to be an offer and reciprocation for that to be the case. You know?

Anyway thank you for tuning in to my vaguely nsfw yapping! This was fun to think about, thanks for sending in the ask

[girltober]

Long gender ramble incoming!

Been reading through my old posts and like... damn. I feel like the OG Girl Month may have lowkey been the happiest period of my life so far?

I felt so genuinely self-confident and loved and appreciated by my friends and... idk. It was just really nice. I want to try to get back into that headspace.

And like the experience of doing gender in such a casual non-committal way was SO liberating. Girlmoding then vs girlmoding now feels like the difference between doodling for fun and doing a Serious Art Project.

Like I'm locked in now. I've come out to my family, gotten an official HRT prescription and I've made trans friends who might view me differently if I detransitioned (I mean I'd hope not but idk). I CAN still stop whenever I want but it'd be kinda a big deal and a bit embarrassing, and I'd want to walk a careful line with the way I talk about it to make it clear that just because it was a phase for *me* doesnt mean you should assume that about anyone else...

Anyway I'm not saying I necessarily WANT to quit at this point but... idk I'm just questioning shit. Turns out you can't actually speedrun your full gender self-discovery journey in a single month who knew.

I have still been enjoying being girlnamed and wearing dresses, but its been sort of tinged by the stress/pressure/imposter syndrone sometimes. Like the difference between saying you like to draw and introducing yourself as an artist. I'm also kinda exhausted by the constant girlupkeep, and the less I do it the less girly I feel. Shaving - face or body- being the main one thats been grating on me more and more, but also my long hair has gotten more annoying as summer rolls on.

Anyway a couple of assorted personal gender theories that may or may not be true idk

I'm trans, I've just been demoralised as my naivite has been slowly stripped away and I've started to truly grok the struggle that being trans longterm actually means- warring against your own body and society alike

I'm genderfluid or genderqueer, and I'm frustrating myself by trying too hard to just be a woman. I just need to go with the flow and take gender day by day

I'm not actually trans, I'm just Cis+ /a crossdresser - wearing dresses makes me feel happy and confident, but in a completely different way to trans stuff. (Counterpoint: is there a meaningful difference? If I'm AMAB and like wearing dresses and using a girlname and girlpronouns then whats the point in quibbling over definitions?) (Also, is this theory motivated by my demoralisation in point 1 and is merely my brain trying to "dodge the draft" of the trans experience?)

My mental health has just been kinda shitty for unrelated reasons and gender is just a scapegoat. I should stop going to bed at 2am and clean my room and see if that fixes anything.

I should literally stop thinking about my gender and just wear and be what feels good. My gender is Nunya.

Relevant discussion with a friend from early December:

Actually while I was finding those images in my camera roll I saw this and it actually is such a good representation of my current gender experience:

TLDR: My gender is currently solidly in the "it is what it is" sector and the cure is shifting that shit up and/or right lol.

Anyway shits weird but I'll work it out. Worst case scenario I quit HRT at my 3 month checkup with little to no harm done to my body (and hopefully a permanent buff to my nipple sensitivity) and can look back on this fondly as a fun phase I enjoyed. No shame in trying new experiences and deciding they're not for you, nor in being mistaken and working shit out. 💙💜💙🤍🖤🤍

[ask-basil-omori]

“I’ve been… well… I’m not sure, really. It’s fine though. I’m okay. Your state matters more to me right now. You haven’t been acting like yourself lately…”

[Sedona is tearing up.]

(Idk Onigiri, I think anyone would be better for Basil. I just want him to be loved and I can’t see Sunny giving that. Look how he thinks of him in headspace. He literally banished him to the back of his mind except for Stranger.)

(Eh, I'd just say that BLACK SPACE = Sunny's nightmares, and since theres mostly Basil.. Sunny is too terrified and doesn't want Basil to get hurt in any single way.)

(But everyone have their own opinions, like you and me do, so!! :3.. Our own headcanons and our own decisions who to ship with who, or to turn them aro/ace)

I-it's okay.. Please don't cry..

It's better when you're feeling good.. When someone who I know is happy, then I'm happy together with them!

[paperstorm]

Wait I want to hear the thousand year rant about the scene in s1e3 👀 If you feel like sharing. No pressure!

TK slams his glass of water down so hard onto the table that it sloshes out. The kitten is big mad. His brag about saving someone from the Crysler Building, lol okay sweetheart we see you. You're mad but you also want Carlos to think you're impressive, and relatable tbh, Carlos is a snack and a half and I would also want him to like me. Carlos's "if I was a less secure MAN" and the face he makes idk that's just so funny to me but also so stupidly sexy. And also fascinating because Carlos is kind of not a super secure man? Like in some ways he is, he's very confident and direct, but also he's so hung up on the fact that he thinks his dad thinks he's soft, right. Like he doesn't think his father thinks he's good enough, or tough enough or manly enough, and he lowkey thinks Gabriel thinks that because Carlos is gay, and that's kind of a massive issue for him. I guess probably the show didn't know that at this time, it's such an early episode and I'm positive they don't put as much thought into these things as we do lol because they're just doing their jobs meanwhile we (I) am over here losing our minds over every tiny detail. But still. Also the fact that Carlos had to work up the nerve to ask him out idk that's just so freaking sweet. That part of the line gets me every single time. Carlos liked him SO MUCH right from the very beginning. Carlos has one of those hopeless romantic hearts and he saw TK and just went "that one. him. that one's mine." TK just FUMING, the feral cat is absolutely furious but also kind of in the wrong here, and Carlos calling him on it. I LOVE a relationship where one person is used to getting their way and the other one just comes in like a bulldozer and holds up a mirror to them. One of the best things Carlos does for TK is allow TK to truly see himself. Carlos doesn't let him get away with his shit. He loves him, but he holds him accountable, and TK needed that. I headcanon that TK had very ... let's say indulgent parents lol. Owen was the absent father who probably showed up now and then with a bunch of presents, and Gwyn strikes me as a very "my baby has never done anything wrong in his life" type of mother, at least when TK was little. TK really is used to getting absolutely anything he wants and used to being a brat and Carlos doesn't let him and I love that. TK grows up so much through their relationship. And then obviously the 'and I'm packing a piece' line LIKE. I am obsessed, OBSESSED, with the way Ronen plays that moment. It's like 3 seconds but you can see like 8 different emotions pass over his face. The way he just stops in his tracks, his whole tantrum completely forgotten. The way he sort of looks down a little bit, like he's going "... where. Where is it tho. I've been with you all night how did I not know you have a gun on you. Where is it Carlos." The way you can see him almost surprised by the fact that he's so instantly turned on?? This man is a liberal gay from Manhattan he didn't ever think he would find a gun sexy but in this moment he does and it fully catches him off guard. The way Carlos can so easily disarm him with just a few quipped words??? TK is so shocked by it, he's so used to being in control I think and Carlos takes that away from him and it surprises him but he's so into it. TK in this moment is still in the headspace of not really WANTING to like Carlos, but boy does he. He was all up on his bitchy high horse and then Carlos said five words and TK just started hearing circus music in his head. See it is a mistake to get me going. I have a lot of thoughts and I really need to be told to be quiet.

[katierosefun]

Heyy, just wanted to say I LOVE your stories (and all you headcanons and tags hehe) I'm new here and wanted to ask how and when you started writing fanfiction for star wars and if you have any tips 😊

hello! thank you for the kind words :’) and of course, welcome!! 

so if we want to get really technical about things, i started writing star wars fic like,,,,waaaay back in 2013, and i kinda cringe a little when i think of those fics now because lol i was thirteen years old then--and i wrote for a little while until maybe 2016-ish? and then took a break because of mental health things, and then got back into writing fic in the past year and a half or so! 

as for the how, i wanted to write star wars fic mostly because as a thirteen year old, i was devastated by the season five finale (back then, that was when the show just got cancelled and the season five finale was the only series finale we were gonna get!), and i just kinda wanted to write all these stories about the tcw fam actually being happy. filling in the gaps and all. (lol considering how my gut reaction to the tcw season seven finale was also to write as much fic as possible, i can safely say that some things just don’t change.) 

as for tips! i got a little into writing gen fic specifically here, but as for writing fic in general: (and under the cut because i,,,as usual, went off for a while.)

1. rewatch/reread source material! this is something i usually do when i’m trying to refresh my memory on a certain episode--i won’t watch through the whole thing, sometimes i’ll just kind of jump around, but i like to get some quick look back into the source stuff to put myself in the right headspace to explore how to extend/expand the story somehow. 

of course, if you’re writing something that’s an AU then you don’t really have to worry about this, but!! rewatching the source can also just be super helpful when you’re trying to characterize properly/try to get a feel for what the characters’ voices are like. 

2. wookiepedia is your  best friend, but if you don’t have enough info on something, either search through fanon star wars meta or!! just make up something on your own! like, i cannot tell you the amount of times i’ve wanted to tear my hair out because i couldn’t find enough information on x or if i had to stop and be like “wait, but does star wars even have y??” sometimes, wookiepedia is helpful for providing those answers, and other times, blogs like @gffa really provides a big, broad look at all the stuff in star wars, and her blog kinda runs like wookiepedia itself, so i can guarantee that you’ll find some useful stuff if you’re ever kind of lost about what certain jedi customs/culture or in general, what different cultures were like in the galaxy far, far away. 

but also, as i’ve mentioned, i think it’s okay to just kinda ignore the technical stuff and just make something up in star wars as you go along. you don’t like that glass in star wars is called transparisteel? then use glass. you’re not sure if star wars even celebrates the new year? screw it, why not? you’re the writer--you get creative license!

3. there is no such thing as “too much” of one trope. so, idk if you might struggle with this, but just in case you do--sometimes, fic writers will hit a wall and be like “no i can’t post this because so many people have already written about this/used this trope/etc.” to that, i say pffft, nah. there’s a post floating around here on tumblr about a cake analogy and how like,,,to you, you might have just brought another cake to a party with already so many cakes, and you might feel kinda embarrassed about that, but to the large majority of people? all they see is more cake, and who doesn’t love more cake? 

what i’m basically trying to get at here is!! write whatever you want and don’t worry about if someone’s already done it, because everyone in fandom lives to see their favorite storylines expanded over and over and over again/everyone lives to see their favorite tropes used over and over and over again. fic is wonderful for that very reason, and you shouldn’t deprive yourself of enjoying that. 

4. this might seem kinda trivial, but spellcheck and formatting is...mostly important. the unfortunate thing about fic is that sometimes people will click out the second they see a huge block of text like so: 

“this is just a practice run,” i say as i start this paragrah. i don’t really know what i’m writing about but this is an example, and i know that this is probably going to look really, really ugly on the screen but here we go oh the things i do for explaining fic i already know that this has gone long enough but who is to stop me you know? wait no i haven’t made any spelling errors yet to prove my point so okay let me think of a common spelling error i can’t think of any right now but hm let’s see i will causally say that i have made a spelling error. oh look! i have made a spelling error (well, not a spelling error, more like a mix-up of words) because you can tell that instead of writing casually which would be more correct i wrote causally and those two are very different things. but there are other spelling errors that can sometimes be a turn-off for readers like when they notice that the k in kenobi isn’t capitilized and once or twice that’s all fine and most people will overlook that, but if you do that consistently then most people will be turned off and click into another fic and oh dear it seems that i am actually explaining things so i guess that means i should stop with this ugly paragraph and actually move forward. “move on!” i shout to myself now. (and just pretend that something like this continues for a good two or three pages.)

do you see how ugly that is? it’s an eye-strain to most people when they read, and you can write the most beautiful fic in the world, but if the formatting and the spelling is off, then most people will move to a different fic. (which is, again, unfortunate, especially for younger and newer writers, but! ‘tis a thing that comes with fic.) 

5. have fun! don’t get yourself caught up with appealing to the crowd. write what you want to write first and foremost, because at the end of the day, it’s you who’s putting in the work and the effort to craft a story, and if you’re about to invest your time and energy into anything in your free time, then it should be something that brings you at least some joy and comfort. so go on and write, and keep writing if you enjoy it! no one can take that away from you. 

hope that all helps!! 

[rant-2-me]

My mental state has just worsened over the days, though I'm not sure why, and I just feel so unmotivated and lacking any energy to practice any self care other than napping, and also feel anxious because I'm not studying enough.. feel like I'm just 1/4th assing my responsibilities.. And when someone asks me how I'm doing, sometimes I blurt out that I'm not fine, and the guilt I feel afterwards for making them worry, so I find myself withdrawing from initiating conversation with them, even though I really want to, and this makes them worry about me more.. I just don't know anything anymore, everything feels too much, yet I can't rant in a clear conscience without feeling guilty for bothering them, and thinking how I don't deserve to complain because they have had so much worse (yes I know pain is relative, but I feel so horrible, like a whiny child, who doesn't know how to be content with her blessings)......

Sorry I know it's a lot.. feel free to delete it if it's triggering or making you uncomfortable in any way... I just needed to get it out..

My lovely nonnie, im so, so glad you sent this ask. and got it all out of your system. yeah this sounds cheesy but like ive been there, with not knowing how to reach out—im proud you had the courage to send this ask. girlboss vibes.

also this ask took a while to answer and im so so sorry about that, but I didnt want to do anything less than the best for you, so let's just jump right in <[:)

Lacking motivation, god I've been there, but doing self care is super super important so here is a how-to, hon.

How to do selfcare when you’re not motivated to:

1. Be a little “gross.”

Gross is in quotes because it’s so subjective, but you undoubtedly have a few behaviors you consider kind of gross regardless. Now’s the time to do them without judgment. For me, that’s meant showering less, eating weird food combos (sometimes in bed), and letting my brows and mustache grow magnificently unruly. For you, it could mean doing something you normally judge yourself for or cutting back on activities you only do for the benefit of others. Now is not the time to allow “socially acceptable” behaviors to rule you.

2. Eat whatever the hell you want.

This should be a rule always, but I’m not going to pretend there aren’t societal, social, and personal pressures that go into why we eat what we eat. Try to shut down the voice that judges or polices what you’re eating right now. We’re in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. If dinner has to be some slices of cheese and deli meat eaten in front of the open fridge, so be it. If you have a lot of cravings and are snacking more than you normally would, cool. If pre-pandemic you decided you were going to stick to a certain meal plan and it’s just not happening anymore? Don’t beat yourself up.

Yes, what we eat is connected to our mental health, and I don’t want to discount that—but if the stress of eating healthfully is making you feel like crap anyway, whether that’s because you can’t fathom cooking or don’t have the means to shop for certain foods during isolation, just eat the sleeve of Oreos and try again another day. It’s okay.

3. And wear whatever you want.

Or, more realistically, wear whatever you can. Even if it means wearing the same ratty sweatpants for a whole week. Or month. Maybe you started all this out aspiring to get dressed every day to work from home productively, or maybe you have a whole collection of comfortable loungewear you feel guilty for not utilizing. Whatever arbitrary rules and expectations you’ve set for yourself, you can throw them out.

On the other hand, maybe you need to quiet the voice that tells you there’s no point in getting dressed or feeling presentable. If it helps, by all means, play with your look, wear awesome or weird outfits, do your hair and makeup or whatever activity might feel a little silly given your current reality. In the middle of a pandemic, nothing is a waste of time if it makes you feel good.

4. Use shortcuts to avoid creating chores.

In my first week or so of working entirely from home, I was baffled by just how messy my apartment got. How on earth were so many messes piling up when I wasn’t even doing anything but working, sleeping, and eating? I hadn’t realized it, but a lot of my small tidying routines had become casualties to the pandemic. And, it turns out, slacking on the little ways I pick up after myself every day (such as doing the dishes right after I use them) added up quickly.

Instead of forcing myself to stick to the same levels of tidiness that I used to maintain, I’ve found shortcuts. For example, I use paper plates and plastic cutlery when I feel too fatigued to wash dishes so they don’t sit in the sink for days on end. Or I stick to the same two “outfits” to avoid clothes piling up when I’m too depressed to put them away every day. If you can find a small way to go easy on yourself, even if it feels a little wasteful or indulgent or gross, it’s okay to tap into those shortcuts right now.

5. Be kind to yourself if your place is messy or dirty.

I won’t lie: I’m someone whose space impacts my mental health a lot. Typically, keeping my apartment clean helps keep my mental health in check and letting my apartment get gross makes me feel worse. That’s still true in a lot of ways, but to adapt I’ve been trying to be mindful and accepting of where I’m at. And it’s…helped?

It turns out that taking the pressure off does a lot to mitigate the guilt and some of the other negative mental health effects I usually experience. In practice, it involves a lot of talking to myself. Instead of seeing my apartment turning into a depression cave and immediately thinking, “Oh, God, I need to clean up, this is so disgusting, I’m a monster for living like this, of course I feel depressed,” I go for kindness. I think (or even say out loud because, well, desperate times), “Of course my apartment is a mess right now. I’ll get to it when I get to it. I can handle the mess for now.”

6. Accept your new sleep schedule.

idk anyone whose sleep hasn’t been screwed in some way by all of this. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, pent-up energy from sheltering in place, tech use, new work responsibilities, screwy schedules…pretty much every aspect of our new reality can impact our sleep. Some people are sleeping a lot more, some are sleeping a lot less, and some are cycling through both extremes. Oh, and the temptation of naps! It’s all there.

Trying to maintain a healthy sleep schedule during all of this is a worthy endeavor—and more power to you if you’ve figured out how—but there’s a good chance that it feels impossible.

By “accepting” your new sleep schedule, I don’t mean pretending it doesn’t suck; I mean doing what you can to be gentle on yourself about it. For me, acceptance has looked like watching some comfort tv and reading my favourite books at 2 a.m. instead of staying in bed and anxiety-spiraling about how I can’t sleep. Is it ideal? No way. But I’m not going to waste energy stressing about something I currently can’t control.

7. Give yourself plenty of room to do absolutely nothing.

I’ve given myself permission to do a whole lot of nothing. That includes getting rid of the pressure to be productive and practice self-care, yes, but in a broader sense, it also means not forcing myself to actively “adjust” every day.

Some days, I just need to do nothing but feel my feelings. Or avoid feeling my feelings. Or stare at the ceiling. Give yourself space to do (or not do) whatever you need to.

also, nonnie? my love?

Never feel guilty about telling someone who cares about you when you don’t feel okay.

People who genuinely care about you—and I’m sure they are many—will care if you aren’t feeling good, there are always going to be people who care about you, who want you to be okay, that’s why they ask, why people make rant, why “how are you?” is such a common question.

But if you do need to talk, but you feel like you’ll “burden” people who you do talk to, here’s a guide to ranting.

Guide to ranting:

1. Pick the right person. Someone who’s in the right headspace to listen to you, you could also pick someone who cares about you—if you’re anxiety tells you nobody cares about you, pick someone who “should” care about you in your relationship, e.g: a friend you’ve had for a long time, a friend who’s told a few of their problems, or friend you might not feel close with, but seems very kindhearted and a good listener.

2. Pick the right time to talk to them, so you can have their undivided attention. If they are busy—as most people will be with something—they’ll have a hard time giving you good advice and listening to you. Ask them when they are free, and then ask them:

3. “hey, can we talk? I’m not mad or you or anything, it’s just that I have been not feeling great, and I just want to rant to someone about it.” and “No pressure to say yes, you might have your own stuff to do deal with.” to make sure they are the right person to talk to.

4. It’s ok to test the waters. Start slowly, you don’t have to share everything at once if you don’t want to.

5. You never know how your friend will react to what you say.While you can’t know how they’ll react, just remember that sometimes people’s initial reactions may come from a place of shock, surprise or not knowing what to say. Their initial reaction isn’t always their longerterm reaction, it may just take them a little time to process.

6. Look for ways to take action. Don’t get me wrong, ranting can be amazing for you, but on its own may not solve your problem.

But maybe venting to people isn’t for you. No matter! There are other ways to get out emotions:

Ways to rant without talking to anyone

1. Cry it out— simple and rewarding. When the baggage is just too heavy to carry cry it out. It can help you ease the pressure and ease your mind to think straight after days of holding that frustration in.

2. Work out — easy and fun. tire yourself out and release all the frustration in working out! This is going to be so satisfying for you as you try and punch, kick, balance, lift, and breathe those frustrations away.

3. Clean & rearrange — practical and can be fun. we get frustrated by so many things and one thing that can truly help clear our minds is to have a clean place where we can stay and live for the moment to breathe. Clean your room, rearrange your things and you’ll be surprised by the satisfaction this brings — a signal of a new beginning.

4. Scribble — simple and fun. Make scribbles, doodles, drawings, take a pen or a pencil, and let go. It does not have to be “good” art or professional at all. Just draw whatever comes to heart, sunflowers or clouds or rainbows—anything.

5. Write it down — fun and simple. Let those words out of your head and just live in the moment.

How to fight the lack of motivation.

1. Don't fight the lack of motivation.

If you feel down or unable to muster tons of energy, let it be ok. Be easy on yourself and acknowledge that it's ok to have a dip, especially at this time of the year.

2. Once you have accepted your slump, get to the bottom of it.

Ask yourself, "What is the root cause of this sluggish feeling?" Go deeper than the obvious reasons. Is it related to work? Your personal life? Relationships? It might also just be the weather. Get clear on what areas of your life you're feeling the most resistance.

3. Dig into that area. What is not ideal about this aspect of your life? What would make it better?

Make a list of how you'd like your current situation to improve--and be specific. If you truly can't find a reason to be less than enthusiastic, then accept your feelings and let them pass with time.

4. Take your list of what is missing and go through it.

What is holding you back from being able to create the things that are missing in your life?

5. Get support for creating the life you want.

Do some research and find an expert to help you. Even though they love you, friends and family aren't objective enough, and they tend to give advice that is a reflection of their own life and insecurities.

6. Think of current habits that are contributing to a less-than-ideal life.

Maybe it's fear, laziness, or not having enough confidence. Pick one to focus on.

7. Address this habit over the next 2 months.

They say it takes 28 days to create a new habit, but this varies from person to person. If you focus on it for two months, you are sure to build the neural pathways needed to call it a new way of being.

8. Buy a book, read articles or do some research on this particular behavior or feeling.

Read about the common causes of this habit as well as the proven ways to bust through and work around it.

9. Create a plan around shifting your current habit.

Make sure that changing this habit ultimately helps you move forward in the area of your life that is not ideal. The energy from clarity, awareness and then action will immediately get you feeling more motivated, no matter what.

10. When all else fails: make a list of activities that excite you, and do one of them right now.

Talk to a fun friend, dance around at home, workout, watch a funny YouTube video, tackle something on your to-do list. Accomplishing something will give you a hit of dopamine in your brain. If you're too overwhelmed by your day, sit for five minutes and meditate. Put on some soothing music and breathe.

okay, that's all nonnie, I hope you feel the lust for life in your lungs, please have all my love, i hope this helped, this ask took a while, but it was worth if it helps

and if you need to dont worry to send another ask, if you like spam the inbox!! queen!!!

take care, much love my sweet honey, bye <3

—*putting daisies in your hair as they leave* mod peppermint <[:)

[taintjisung]

[08:18] seunglix

kinks: phone sex, innocence

words: 1798

top: felix

seungmin: can i ask a question?

that didn't make felix anxious at all. he sucked in a deep breath, and slowly to avoid typos, wrote his response.

felix: of course, go ahead

seungmin opened the message immediately, but was typing for almost ten minutes, and felix closed the app, not wanting to leave him on read for a bit if the question was too hard. he called his friend, jeongin, and the two waited together as the message finally came through.

seungmin: okay i don't want this to sound weird but like how does it work? im new to this whole guy thing idk not like relationships or waitwait no you know what i mean like how would we yknow AH i made zero sense

felix couldn't help himself. reading the message, he started laughing, startling a curious jeongin who was eager to hear the response.

felix: sex?😂

seungmin: yes hsjkds

felix: you've never watched porn?

seungmin: porn is illegal in korea...

felix: o h

felix: is it illegal if i send you a video?

seungmin: WAIT SHIT WHAT

felix: porn, seungmin.

seungmin: oh my god i thought you meant NVM

felix: i mean, would you rather that? that's not illegal, we're both adults... and we have been dating quite a while too

seungmin: oh my god wait

seungmin: YOU'RE SO STRAIGHTFORWARD I WANT TO CRY

felix: cute

seungmin: I'M NOT CUTE SHUT UP

felix: you're a virgin huh:( probably never kissed anyone before:( so cute:(

seungmin: STOP TEASING ME

felix: why should i? i bet you like it

seungmin: and what aBOUT it

"uh, in..." felix chuckled as he opened the message. "i might have to hang up for a bit."

"leave me out of it," he responded quickly, closing the call. poor kid caught on immediately, turning bright red as felix laughed at the three beeps that sounded before the call app closed.

felix: have you ever been cared for before baby? has anyone ever laid you down and pleasured you, not made you move a muscle until you came?

seungmin: i've never cum at all

felix: do you want me to teach you?

seungmin: yes, sir.

a shiver ran down felix’s spine. shit, he could feel his pants tightening around him at the honourific; he had no idea he liked it before.

felix: why don't you call me so you can use both hands baby?

now it was seungmin’s turn to let goosebumps grow in his skin as he sucked in a deep breath, heading to his bedroom. he shared it with his friend, minho, but the boy was out with his friends. he had plenty of time.

seungmin: okay

incoming call from hyung💕

answer decline

"hey, baby," felix let his smile grow, keeping his voice low and soft for the virgin.

"hey," seungmin responded calmly, though his heart was absolutely racing as he bit his lip. this was the first time felix was hearing his voice, and it thrilled him.

"do me a favour and wash your hands first, okay?" felix requested gently. "and bring back a cup of water. trust me on this."

seungmin nodded though the boy couldn't see, and obeyed his request, locking the door once he reentered the room and dimming the lights. gently he laid down, waiting patiently for more instruction.

"i want you to slowly undress. make sure you feel every bit of your skin as you take your shirt off. then your trousers... but not your pants until I say so, okay?"

seungmin hummed in response, and trying to follow his orders gently slid his hands up his tummy, closing his eyes as he reached around his back, pulling the fabric off over his head as if in slow motion. he dropped it to the floor beside him, and his hands resumed on his stomach, this time moving downward, underneath the hem of his sweatpants. they generously roamed his newly exposed skin as he pushed the two apart, and in no time he was almost naked in his bed.

"done," he hummed, hands now dormant on his waist, keeping his naked skin warm in the cool conditioned air around him.

"think about me between your legs," felix told quietly, starting to touch himself, too. "and grab your bulge. don’t take your pants off just yet, just enjoy the pressure. imagine your hand as mine."

seungmin nodded softly, leaning into his hand as his fingers curled around his throbbing length, begging to be set free. it almost ached, and felix could tell as he let out a thick moan.

"hm... take it out now."

seungmin could cum just from felix’s demanding tone. He did as he was told, and the heat that transferred between his touching skin sent a shock through him. he was so sensitive; it was his first time, and the smallest stimulation had his knees weak, voice straining with moan after moan.

"give it a few slow strokes. then you can take your pants off."

seungmin was almost scared to listen, but he did, and once he was completely naked he could see that with how hard he was, there was no going back.

"are you on your back? lean against your pillows and bring your knees up."

"okay," he sighed, shifting his position as he laid the phone beside him. “okay."

"you’re okay," felix cooed. "i’m gonna make you feel really good, okay? all you have to do is relax and listen. now, take your other hand and put two fingers in your mouth."

seungmin hummed as he did so to let the younger know he was listening, and fulfilled orders of how exactly he was to do it.

"do you know how anal works, love?" felix followed up gently, and seungmin hummed quietly as a blush spread across his cheeks. "i want you to do that. prep yourself. one finger at a time, keep your hands slippery and wet. remember to take it easy and slow, be careful. you’re treating yourself."

felix was patient as seungmin nervously tested his boundaries, letting his fingertip massage the skin around his entrance before slowly pushing it in, gasping at how cold his hands were and how tight his body was, making it hard to get past his entrance.

"it’s okay, baby," the gentle words went straight to his dick, and seungmin couldn't deny he loved to be treated. taken care of. "you’re doing amazing. such a good boy for lixie, hm?"

seungmin let the praise soothe him as he slowly stroked himself, letting the pleasure override the pain of a second finger already.

"slow down, slow down," felix commanded. "don’t rush your first time, okay?”

"okay," seungmin sighed, but stuck to one finger, slowly massaging the inside of himself, letting it start to feel good.

"when you're ready, start looking for a pressure point, okay? when you hit it, it's gonna feel really good. but you have to be patient and relaxed."

fuck, that sounded exciting. seungmin didn't want to be patient anymore as he pushed in another finger, his hand in further, looking for it.

"where?" he panted, bucking his hips into his hands.

"gentle. slow," the elder reminded. "everyone is different, so don't get upset if yours is hard to find. mine is maybe... five and a half centimetres in? directly straight up. go until you can't go anymore without turning and it should be right there."

"wow, so informative. i feel like i’m getting directions to mcdonald's," seungmin joked, making felix laugh softly and he couldn't help but smile at the sound. god, felix’s laugh was so... beautiful. like music to his ears. he really was in love with this boy.

seungmin hummed softly as he gently pushed his hand in further, almost up to his second knuckle. he pulled away, then thrusted back in, using the momentum to push it further. his groan of discomfort quickly turned into a moan of pleasure as he found the spot, legs turning to jelly as his brain switched off, hand pulling out only to slam back in.

"hey, hey, slow down, baby. i know it feels good but you don't want to cum so soon, do you?"

"for you," seungmin panted, and in his tone felix could tell he was already braindead from the pleasure, moaning loudly as he moved his body with his arm.

"so deep in your headspace already..." felix tutted with a smirk on his face. "just for me, hm?"

"just for you, fuck, for you, just for you,” seungmin repeated, not even caring when his climax began to chase him; he sped both his hands, chasing it right back as he babbled nonsense, wanting so badly to grab onto something, anything, but hands preoccupied he squeezed his thighs together.

"fuck, felix," he cried, making the elder shiver at the utter sound that just came out of his mouth.

"cum for me, baby boy," felix groaned, speeding up as well and rocking his hips into his hand. fuck, this was better than any porn he'd ever watched, and he didn't even get visuals. yet.

seungmin rammed his hand forward harder, completely slamming into his prostate and forcing hot cum to shoot out of his head so strongly some hit his lips as he arched his back up. he didn't stop just yet, knowing the sounds he was making was getting the younger off as well. with that in mind, he let himself get louder, more desperate as he practically milked himself dry, whimpering at his touch.

he mistook the ceiling lights for stars as he cried felix’s name, grabbing onto the blankets beneath him as his body writhed and curled in pure ecstacy.

a slutty smile covered his face as he heard the same sounds of pleasure fall from felix’s lips as well, signifying he'd satisfied him just right.

"ugh, fuck," the boy hummed. "you’re so fucking amazing."

"aren’t i?” seungmin giggled, and shit, the things it was doing to felix.

finally seungmin stopped moving, pausing for a moment before falling limp with a heavy sigh. the last bit of cum was still leaking from his head, and his entire body felt good, craving to meet his boyfriend now more than ever, wanting the real thing. he could tell that felix was thinking the same as he chased his own high.

“god, when we meet,” he vocalised. “you’re gonna have to show me what positions you like, you can do anything to me,” he breathed.

“anything?” felix repeated. “can i tie you up and put marks all over you?”

“please,” he whined in response, not realising the things could be sexual but getting a thrill from the thought. “so i can’t move and let everyone know i belong to you.”

“when we meet, i’m gonna make you moan my name so loud they won’t have to see the bruises to know, they’ll hear you that night.” he groaned as he continued to get himself off, imagining all the things he could do to his boyfriend; “fuck, min, i’m gonna cum,”

“cum for me, baby, just like i did for you,”

felix was rather vocal as he obliged, humming lowly in ecstacy as he came into his hand, seungmin basking in the sound of his voice.

“you’re so fucking good, baby,” felix sighed. “come to me when you’re horny, i wanna hear your moans all the time, i wanna make you feel good,”

“i will, i will,” he promised, but as he opened his mouth to speak again the front door closed. “shit,” he suddenly scrambled to grab his clothes off the floor, not bothering for bottoms as he pulled on a sweater and pants. “minho is home, i gotta go,”

felix started laughing at the idea of the boy being walked in on as he bid him a loving goodbye, still thinking about seungmin long after hanging up.

[ober-affen-geil]

hi i wanted to say i love your metas and your new maria meta and i agree she was trying to push herself away from michael to be a good friend to alex. i'm just curious because like you said she only knows the version of michael who sleeps around with people not the version who's in love with alex. what do you think she was feeling when she kissed michael back wouldn't she be reluctant because she might get her heart potentially broken. aswell as her best friend being in love with him.

Hmm this is a good question anon. (And thank you!) In all honestly I’m still not fully confident when I comment on Maria’s headspace, and Maria and Michael’s relationship in particular, as I feel like I still haven’t been able to completely wrap my head around her point of view. I will try to answer this as best I can.

It’s true that she doesn’t know the version of Michael that’s in Love with Alex. But by 1x13 I think she’s seen enough of Michael to know he’s more than someone who sleeps around with people. I want to clarify something that I didn’t spend time on in the meta I just did (because I have a later one I plan to address it in): Maria digs at Michael in 1x11 because she’s defending Alex, I stand by that. But she’s also angry at Michael for herself. 

She saw some of his tenderness and vulnerability in 1x07 and that’s when she started to think to herself “hey, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea ever to actually try something with this guy”. She didn’t mean for what happened in 1x09 to happen quite that way, which is why she’s very prickly about it, but she’s allowing herself to consider Michael as a possibility. When she finds out about his history with Alex, she’s angry with him for what she thinks he’s done to Alex, but also with herself for falling for it. 

But then Michael continues to show his soft side to her; the parts that directly contradict the image of The Heartbreaker. Immediately after that line he tries to reassure her that she didn’t do anything wrong because he and Alex have been “over” for a while. He places her ease of mind over defending himself to her. Then at the gala he fiercely defends her while also being exceedingly gentle with her physically, and attentive to her needs. When he approaches her in 1x13, he’s very careful to be as unimposing as possible and waits for her invitation to move forward at all. I don’t think, at that point, that Maria believes Michael could pick her up and drop her again in a heartbeat.

So far as what she was thinking when she kissed him back, that’s a little more complicated and something I most definitely think we will see addressed in season 2. Right now, it seems to me that Michael really needed her in that moment. Maria also really needed him and so when he came, open and vulnerable, she couldn’t turn him away. She took something for herself but, and I really cannot stop stressing this enough, Maria was the one who broke off the kiss. She knows this is a very complicated situation and she knows she needs to talk to Alex about it (which she has not had the chance to do because he insists on running around to prisons and nearly getting blown up) and she also knows she needs to talk with Michael.

So I think she’s very aware that Alex is in love with Michael, and that presents a complication. Clearly she’s considerate enough of it to shut down a make-out session to insist on talking. But she’s also very aware that Michael came to her and his feelings are not to be discounted in this equation. Idk anon I hope this answered your question. I do sort of talk about the situation in this meta as well, if you want clarification you can always ask or dm!

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

okay so maybe i haven't fully vibed with the album yet but do you think some of the 5/5 and 100/100 reviews are partly due to Taylor's really good public reputation right now?

uhhhh IDK I haven't really read the reviews (no patience teehee). I mean… Probably? In the end, you can't completely turn off your preconceived ideas of someone before going into an album. There's a lot of art I think I wouldn't like as much if it weren't by someone I already love.

It's kind of difficult for me to answer because I've been spending most of this year listening to older music so I'm sort of out of the loop on current pop trends. I do think the album is something that somewhat requires an understanding of Taylor as a person to be fully appreciated (not saying you specifically don't anon; just that I think something like folklore and evermore works really well with no foreknowledge of her).

I think the album kind of captures post-2016 post-irony, in that a lot of it you can't quite tell how serious she is, which is very contrasting to her latest releases (including Red and Fearless TV). I don't think this album is top 3 for me cause I like being very serious lol but I think a lot of people have a much more mellow relationship to music and really appreciate fun bops. Maybe you and I have that in common (though I'm not complaining about Midnights! I love anything new to sink my teeth into.)

Reviews also usually depend on who specifically at a publication is reviewing (not always, Pitchfork is a notable exception I believe). I remember folklore's metacritic score took a significant hit because the NYT's reviewer didn't like indie as a genre. (I'm a bit surprised folklore and evermore got 4.5 stars but Midnights got 5 from Rolling Stone but maybe it's due to the former's length? IDK I'm not super butthurt over disagreements like this lol*)

*my only gripe is that Let It Be has a higher Pitchfork score than any Taylor album...... EDIT: actually it's just the score of LIB itself lol. But also what does Punisher's 9.0 mean when Let It Be has a 9.1.... be serious

All in all, the album is varied yet cohesive and gives a very fun view into her eclectic confident-insecure headspace, so I don't think it's weird that people enjoy it and think it's perfect even?