#i'm never going outside again
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So there was always the 'in theory' but like, actually being in a situation where this 54 year old woman who I assumed was straight took 3 days to decide she was homo asf and into me was so wild.
#it all happened so fast like#she would sit next to me a lot#and got really protective over me#to the point where we were eating every meal together and hanging out most of the day#and I still was like 'there's no way this woman is into me'#until the peanutbutter conversation and I was like 'ahahaha that's gay'#and then this dude like#got mad her about not wanting to fuck him because she was gay for me#that was such a wild 3 weeks#i'm never going outside again#jackal's journal
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A restaurant recognizes me by name now because my fiance likes it. Either everyone here needs to cease to exist and be replaced or someone needs to bash my face in so it can be reconstructed.
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If I have covid again I swear to god I'm going to walk into the ocean
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I've been torn down for almost 3 hours straight
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going INSANE. what is he thinking. why did he say this. why does he do all of this. i am thinking so hard.
we know he's seeking arceus to recreate the world bc in his eyes the world is cruel and unjust and it needs to be destroyed and remade. he's set himself on a mission to create the better reality he's envisioned for his whole life.
but everything else he does. the way he spends his time on pasio making people smile with togepi. even if he justifies it as something purely transactional to get more customers, we know he doesn't really take his merchant job seriously. the way he loves his pokemon so much that they will pop out of their pokeball to excitedly tell whoever will listen how much they love volo back. him trying to capture these moments of happiness tangibly because they never last long and can be wiped away any second.
he still hangs onto hope so much despite what's implied to have happened to him. in spite of all the anger and bitterness that's festered in him, he doesn't really want to destroy everything as he says.
it all started with a wish for the world to be a better place, for the good in the world to outweigh all the cruelty. he's still trying to spread what happiness he can.
but at the same time his past drags behind him and reminds him that he can't afford to trust in the goodness of the world.
that self-assigned mission to usurp arceus's power and rewrite everything.. to him, it's his duty now. he has to do it for himself and, as he rationalizes to himself, for the world.
so he ignores the flaws and holes he finds in his own reasoning. he can't help but seek out the brightness and happiness and goodness that does exist in the world, yet he has to dismiss it to justify his goals.
... all this to try and explain to myself why volo's asking all these questions and making all these comments that seem to go against what we'd expect given his ulterior motive and plans. and it's like he's asking the few friends he has to remember him as the one who seeks joy, even when he does the worst to fulfill his dreams
#am i coherent#can anyone hear me#does anyone else see my vision#does- [i am dragged outside and thrown into the trenches]#pla volo#pla#pokemon#pokemas#.d#realized 10 min later that i used the word “wish” and am once again getting hit by the celestic-lake guardian trio naming themes so hard#i feel nauseous#volo meaning “wish/want” and being a twisted version of azelf's motif of willpower#next to cogita and cynthia's respective roles for uxie and mesprit#never getting over this!!!#i'm crazy i'm CRAZZY#realization even later: can't believe i almost quoted kyubey madoka magica#when the Character makes you go#*kyubey voice*#“Even though you shouldn't have wanted to know the truth you can't help but chase after it. Human curiosity is really illogical.”
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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YOOOOO DAISUKE! congrats on the internship, tho how the heck did you end up in the freighter business??? didn't think that was ur thing... or that they did internships over there in the first place LOL. how's it been so far?
Maybe this is where I find my thing! Boss has me doing so much reading that my eyes are starting to huuurt. I've got to learn something!
Slight elaboration on the second panel in tags!!
#🌺.art#🌺.response#I have strong feelings about Daisuke's home life guys#what do you call a place full of privilege but lacking in love?#is that even home?#i headcanon that Pony Express was aware it was on the verge of going under and tried to preserve itself by seeking outside investments#Daisuke's wealthy parents were among those approached and they used their position to negotiate for Daisuke's internship#you can debate whether or not they actually intended on indulging the company#PE put Daisuke on the Tulpar because of Curly's prestige and Swansea's experience thinking they would be a good face for the company#//ooc#thank you sm for the ask! theres already a few I'm working on and I couldn't be more grateful <3 I rlly rlly appreciate the interest!#also there was a version of the first panel where i actually drew that kitchen. never again.#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#ask blog
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#fletchinder#now THIS is an angry guy. they got a big beak and now they're going to stare at you menacingly about it#you better be nice to them. look how grumpy they are#hmph!#kind of an underappreciated pokémon tbqh. route one shitmon‚ sure‚ but i think it's cute and looks cool at least#a fucking! fire bird! that isn't ho-oh or moltres. just a Normal fire bird. love this thing#hi i just edited the talonflame tags to acknowledge 2024 and now i'm here in the fletchinder tags to acknowledge new years eve#i mentioned in the talonflame tags how i'm Considering doing something for new years but that i may end up not doing anything#and ultimately i guess we'll see. it depends on what i end up doing outside the blog whether i end up having the time (or energy) for#like a new year stream or something. i would likely just end up using my own personal twitch account instead of making an ffp one#in case i never end up. using it again#I DUNNO i'll probably just keep talking about maybe doing something until the end of time and never end up doing anything
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Moiraine and Rand, alone again, naturally - 1x08 || 2x06
#The Wheel of Time#wot show spoilers#wotedit#wot on prime#moiraine damodred#rand al'Thor#wot s2 spoilers#wot season 2 spoilers#wheel of time s2 spoilers#wheel of time season 2 spoilers#mygifs: wot#you're a cool one#never not feral about them and all the parallels between them#it makes me so sad that yet again the both of them are going into this finale thinking they are better off without their friends#at some point someone will have to gently shake them and tell them they matter outside of how they can serve others#but hey today's not the day and I feel such a sad bean about them#what hurts the most with Moiraine is that she's so convinced there is no point in trying to make herself more palatable for others#she might burn everything and everyone as long as she can accomplish her purpose#and now she can't even do that#to say I'm worried about her is putting it mildly#Rand at least is drawn toward his friends because it makes him feel good still#light you can see the relief with Mat and the disappointment when Mat didn't turn up#Moiraine's just like 'I don't deserve anything good ever again'#although the Barty convo is a step in the right direction
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IDK if I'm phrasing this correctly, but in my brain, Vasco is, like, the personification (caninification?) of an afternoon chilling on a back porch swing.
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#ah#that's adorable#I can totally imagine him doing that#answered#anonymous#Vasco#to me he usually conjures the feeling of being warmed by sunlight#winters in northern Finland where I'm from tend to be pretty rough at least for me they are#they last about six months or so#sun starts to set earlier and earlier until it gets dark before 2 pm#in december the sun barely rises at all it's like this brief moment of twilight at noon between two 22+ hour nights#it gets harder to wake up in the morning and your energy levels plummet you go into battery saving mode#polar night messes up your brain seasonal depression gets really bad#and the cold and dark goes on and on and you feel like you'll never feel warm or happy or properly awake again#but eventually it starts to veer towards spring and on one day you notice that the sun is shining??!?!#not like bleakly and weakly but proper sunlight with warm hue and capability to actually warm the things it touches#you've forgotten what it looks like when it's truly light outside#and it's the craziest feeling to see bright natural light it blinds you and pierces right through into your very core#being kissed by the sun for the first time in months feels unreal it feels SO GOOD#I don't know it's probably not that big of a deal for people around me#but I personally react to things like changes in temperature and the amount of daylight pretty massively#I like to think that Vasco is a first ray of sunlight hitting you after you've spent what feels like an eternity in someplace cold and dark
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I have a problem
I'm falling on the rabbit hole of the batfamily, most espeficially the x reader fanfics and headcanons, and it's turning into a hyperfixation that's consuming me. I'm not even joking, i've been these two last days obsessively writing in my mind a full au of yandere!batfam x neglected!reader (yes, it's the most common and everyone has seen it already but HUSH). I hate my brain. I'm not even that deep into the dc universe, haven't been in several years. I'm team Marvel ffk
The worst part is that it's not even a deeply defined plot, like my current proyect. I just have the vibes and random scenarios and headcanons about the mc, and a bunch of cliches from all the batfam x neglected! reader put together in a mix. My arcane playlist isn't helping either. And recently I've played Watch Dogs Legion again and it's only giving me inspiration for this au.
So warning: Maybe I'll post a few things about this to get it out of my brain, because I can't be the only one suffering here. Don't worry to those who follow my other writing, I have no intention of abandoning it (not when I have already everything planned), but it's going to take slower than anticipated.
#being neurodivergent is a double edged sword#anyway#just when i'm finally getting somewhere with my fics and receiving so much positive attention and finally focused in writing again#this shit happens#ofc#to think it only happened when i searched batfam x reader out of mere curiosity because i find nightwing and red hood hot#well#hyperfixations come and go#they never stay#batfam#batfam x reader#yandere!batfam x reader#batfam x neglected! reader#i'm running on vibes and headcanons mostly#i have no idea what i'm doing#btw the mc has her own backstory outside the batfam and her own circle of friends because she deserves it#and she'll look like martha wayne obviously#so bruce can witness how his mother's eyes grow to look at him with resentment and eventually indifference#i'm a huge defender that the batfam love each other deeply and would never do that to another member of their family#but exploring these fucked dynamics is fun#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#timothy drake#damian wayne#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#barbara gordon
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itchy.
my thighs are delicious
...according to the mosquitos
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deciding to headcanon that the lighthouse makes people feel Calm and Docile and Relaxed to excuse the fact that more of the companions aren't as mad as lucanis that ANY of this is happening
#I CAN FEEL THE HATERISM IN MY BONES STARTING TO STIR LIKE LYRIUM#for the record. i think the game is fun. and i think it's the most gorgeous game ever made#bar none.#but like................................................................... . . .... ....#ALMOST ALL OF THE WARDENS ARE DEAD. ALMOST ALL OF THEM.#AND ALSO DID IT EVEN MATTER BECAUSE THE BLIGHT WAS JUST#THE GODS FUCKING AROUND AGAIN#i'll be real the least interesting thing abt dragon age has always been the magic to me#i like MAGES. but i think the sociopolitical landscape of thedas + the worldbuilding outside of magic#is the most interesting part for me#i think my biggest problem is that it feels like a dragon age game writing wise#like w companions and quests and banter#but it doesn't feel like the dragon age world#idk. i'm having fun but yeah i think a lot of the general criticisms are weighing on me which#i did not think would happen (tho i've also been in a months long depressive spiral and genuinely have not#enjoyed basically anything and nothing feels real and everything feels like a bad dream so like whatever)#the biggest thing abt dragon age for me has always been like#it has been such a creative inspiration for me in so many avenues and in so many different eras of my life#i've been writing DA fic since i was 17. i started getting mutuals around 18.#that's 6 years!!!!! i've been writing fic!!!#i play like 3 hours of origins or inquisition and wanna go write a bunch of fics#but all my fic ideas so far are about like. Well what if the game never happened and my OCs#met their ROs somewhere else in some way else#which to me ISN'T a good sign.#part of da's staying power to me is how much it inspires me. i don't feel inspired right now#i'm struggling to keep up in some ways with veilguard and also feel like it's struggling to catch up#to itself and the weight of it's own choices#anyway. starting to feel disappointed but like i said months long depression#so i'm repressing it like crazy and might never actually feel or breach that emotion#in any depth. but whatever.
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Later, Bruce finds him climbing the cave to join the bats.
#dick grayson#robin#alfred pennyworth#fanart#my art#traditional art#watercolor#colored pencils#I'm going to rant in 3... 2... 1...#omg I'm so pissed at how poorly this end up looking#I worked on this for so long and I all fucked it up because I couldn't paint the background well#I do not know how to use colors it's frustrating#I know color theory by heart like I have this shit memorizes#but I'm someone who needs examples to apply theory and all color theory stuff never goes into how to apply it to your art#outside the really contrasting illustrations#also all tutorials for illustration are for digital art and every watercolor tutorial is for landscape and I'm jrcbuyezrcufnqud#watercolor in illustration is not a new thing I came up with#anyway I used gouache to fade the background and it is still so bad#but I spent so much time on this I cannot just throw it away#the miniature I drew was so good and I made garbage why am i so bad at this??????#one day maybe I will draw it again better because I really like this idea
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playing around in cas with my favorite girl ♡
#soon......soon i will start her gameplay#i hope#i'm just caught up in bg3 rn#AND starfield comes out in 2 weeks!!!!! so i'm never going outside again#oh and i keep forgetting the cyberpunk dlc comes out in sept too so like#sorry sims i'm sure i'll get back to you someday#the sims 4#the sims#ts4 portrait#sim: pigeon
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Honestly the worst thing about being raised by and around professors is that I can't really do the whole students bitching about professors thing even when I mostly agree with it, because my whole life I have been hearing the professor's side of the story. Every time someone talks about how ridiculous mandatory attendance or participation is there's a part of me that starts loudly protesting about how actually being in class is really important for learning, and it must be so hugely frustrating for the professor when students just don't show up to your class half the time and then when they do show up they're playing sudoku on their computer.
#dylan says things#and I say this as someone who historically has not been great about attendance due to things both in and outside of my control#and I know disabilities are a factor for a lot of people and I'm not saying they shouldn't be accommodated.#but I've had professors who have done truly so much to make it possible to attend their class. like you can go in person and on zoom#and a lotta wiggle room for making up missed classes#and people will still complain about it#and most of the time these things are only like 5-10% of your grade#and at a certain point it's like dude you're literally paying to go to school#and now you're complaining that you have to go to school and do school things#if you stop giving them all your money they will stop asking you do the thing you're paying to do#and again I am not exempt from this getting to my morning class is fucking impossible a lot of the time#and that sudoku thing in the main post was absolutely a self-callout#but like. idk. Professors are not evil they are people who are trying to do their jobs#anyways. I think I often find that my attitude towards academia is not aligned with my friends#like sometimes people will tell me that it doesn't really matter that much as long as i graduate#and I understand the sentiment and largely agree with it but also at the end of the day I want to like. Learn stuff and do good work#anyways. sorry for my weird rambling i just have a lot of thoughts about university that i never really share with anyone
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