#i'm nervous about castiel appearing

[einloukrativesangebot]

February 2024 Destiel Fic Recs

Fics that were written in february of 2024, that I really loved.

Bad Day at the Office by nephiliminality

Castiel has successfully retrieved Dean Winchester from Hell, and now all he has to do is resurrect him, introduce himself and persuade him to serve Heaven. Should be an easy job, right?

Unfortunately, keeping this particular human alive is a lot harder than he expected. If Gabriel would stop laughing, that would really help.

(Lazarus Rising meets Mystery Spot. That's it, that's the fic)

This was is so good, awesome doesn't even begin to cover it.

Piece of Mind by golbygloom

Castiel has only been human for a few weeks when he experiences his first 'headache,' as Dean calls it. At first, he thinks it's nothing, as Sam and Dean said, but as they begin happening more and more frequently, he becomes convinced that this is Naomi's doing as she tries to rip him away from everything he's worked so hard to get. Why else would his head be aching almost constantly, with the pain originating so close to his eyes?

This fic is very angsty, but who doesn't love angst?

room for one more troubled soul by an_ardent_rain

“I’m here looking for Sam Winchester.”

“Yeah,” he says. “That’s me. What can I do for you?”

“I’m… sorry for bothering you,” Castiel says. He clears his throat, and then takes a deep breath, pulling himself together. “I need your help. It’s about your brother.”

Sam’s eyebrows raise in surprise, though he keeps his expression mostly blank. Castiel licks dry lips. “Dean went on a hunting trip,” he says. “And he hasn’t checked in in a few days.”

The concept is so intriguing and the writing is amazing.

dawn breaks overhead by dykeydean

So he finds himself standing in the middle of a run-down motel, letting himself be dressed by a human.

He doesn’t quite remember getting from there to here, but it doesn’t matter. This human’s soul is good, and so he trusts. There is nothing else to do.

“I only got one bed, but, uh, we can share,” the human says. He radiates nervous energy, and Castiel supposes that a bloody angel- fallen angel- showing up on your doorstep would be quite disorienting. Then again, humans used to worship angels almost to the level that they worshiped God. Perhaps times have not changed, and the human is simply awe-struck.

“I don’t sleep,” Castiel says, and then he blacks out.

Again, amazing concept and the writing is superb.

spanner in the works by casdoms (moffwithhishead)

 “You have to choose, Castiel. Us, or them.”

Them. It was always going to be them.

Definitely worth the read, especially for Cas-fans.

Candy-crushing the angel way by FreyaBlackthorn

Dean is a bit uncomfortable with Cas staring at him during the night; he convinces the angel to download Candy Crush.

Because Dean is a candy and Cas is crushing, right? (I'm sorry).

This one is hilarious.

Steady As The Night Goes by Angel_With_A_Shotgun (CalmWaters)

“Yeah. Here,” Dean lifted one of the blankets from the stack beside the bed, “you kept kicking them off earlier.” Cas took it quickly. Wrapped himself up in it. Wide, blue, fevered eyes stared into Dean’s. More alarm bells rang inside of Dean’s head.

Or, a newly human Cas struggles with a fever, while Dean struggles with his feelings.

It's just very sweet and very in character for Dean.

True Blue by adeptune

Based loosely off of this tweet:

"Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we don't even know each other ?"

Or Sam bets Dean a thousand dollars that he and Cas can't go to couple's therapy for a week without the therapist noticing they aren't a couple...

These guys really do need therapy...

feather and nest by orphan_account

Early November comes and goes. Dean tries to hold on through the winter.

Starts angsty, but the ending is really cute.

Cowboy Blues by tollie

“I’ll take this,” Dean dropped a beaded bolo tie on the counter, “and he’ll wear the hat.” “I will?” Cas said, but Dean appeared not to hear as he swiped the Charlie card and pocketed the receipt.

Episode coda for 13x06 "Tombstone" in which Dean buys Cas that absurd hat and Cas wonders what the real cause is for Dean's good mood.

This is very fluffy and such a nice fanfic gap-fic.

Kitchen Table Conversations by Owco

“So let me summarize,” Sam began, still somewhat hoping he’d wake up and this would be a bizarre dream he’d never tell anyone about, “Dean was asking for it so hard it turned into a prayer, causing you to accidentally jump into his body. You were so cozy next to his soul that you left your vessel dead on the bed for over ten minutes. Have I got that right?”

This one's very funny.

Here are the January Recs

[castieldelamancha]

A bloodied hand appears in his line of vision and Dean, without missing a beat, reaches out to take it, letting it help him to sit up and away from the cold, hard, wooden floor where he landed after being pushed by an invisible force.

"Dean?" A concerned, deep, voice calls his name, two strong hands cupping his face gently, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, a bit dizzy that's all," he leans into the warm, loving, touch, allowing himself a moment to breath and to be taken care of, instead of guarding himself and jerking away from the touch, "you?"

"You are asking if I'm okay?" Dean gives a confused look at that.

"Well...yeah?" He sputters out, "why wouldn't I?"

"I am not the one who was unconscious after being launched six feet away from where I was standing."

"I know and I still want to know if you are okay, even after getting my ass whooped by the ghost of someone's grandma." Castiel huffs.

"Yes, I am fine." He says it with what sounds like infinite patience.

"Great."

Dean take another deep breath, his head isn't spinning anymore, which he is thankful for, and his vision is less and less blurry.

That's why he notices the nervous way Castiel's eyes keep jumping from one spot to the other as he ckecks Dean's face and head.

He raises both his hands, closing his fingers around Castiel's wrists, "I'm okay, Cas, I'm here."

A shaky breath, "you scared me." And Dean knows they will probably have another conversation about how the loss of Cas' healing powers is not something that makes him useless or someone that Dean doesn't want around.

" 'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault." Castiel shakes his head.

He lets Castiel inspect him to his heart's content knowing he himself needs this as much as Cas and accepts his help to get up without a comment about being so coddled, because here with Cas he doesn't give a damn about keeping any façade up.

He is still feeling kinda dizzy once he is standing, supported by Cas, he still leans forward so they can share a brief kiss, warmth and relief cursing through his body, making his head feel even lighter. They are sticky with blood and mud, because this ghost put on a hell of a fight, and they should leave, go back to the motel, take a shower, but there is no rush right now, their lips moving together.

Dean can feel one of Cas' hand patting his chest, slowly opening his jacket, and he is going to make a joke about this old dusty house not being a great place to get freaky but before he can say anything Castiel's hand has found its way inside his pocket and he has the keys to the Impala in it.

"You are in no condition to drive, so shut your piehole." He steps back and away from Dean and turns around to walk away from the room.

Dean is going to remind him it's actually not piehole, "I love you," he says instead. Because he is sure Cas is just trying to get a rise out of him.

That has Cas turning around, a smile only reserved for Dean on his lips, "I love you." He turns around once more and Dean rushes to follow, feeling a little less unsteady on his feet.

[candymayvary]

nameliachango replied to your post “you know, despite everything, knowing that castiel is likely in the...”

Girl, I don't play anymore and only watch the let's play on YouTube and I'm nervous AF. I mean they turned Nathaniel into a yakusa/fratboy (there are SOME things I like about new Nath, ngl but that's for another discussion), my point being, if they did that with Nath, what did they do with Castiel?

Well, Castiel is all insolent and hard to get and closed off and has sooooooooo many fans...... oh, I’m sorry, apart from the last part we know, that sounds exactly like how he was in the beginning! Fancy that! If this still holds water with his next appearance, I suppose they didn’t even try giving his character a direction, considering they’re rushing like no tomorrow through flirting with a character like Hyun, or the “””””””new and improved””””””” Nathaniel. Can I just point out that ignoring how the love story is literally referred to as torrid, of all goddamn words and meanings... Hyun is Ready For You by like. Ep1. Someone needs to tone it down over there. Put it away, Junior. 

Nathaniel is actually a Chad and on the one hand, I dig it. I’m not denying that. I’m weak for stuff like that hallway scene. On the other hand, I’m just like. Why tho? Of all characters......... to make a Chad........... Although, ngl, if they keep up the whole gang thing (a thinly veiled attempt to be Yakuza), theeeeeennnnn I think I can safely say that Beemoov and co have not understood that the tropes that once littered otome have actually begun to thin out and move on. You can’t box your characters anymore into simply filling out a set list of requirements. It hasn’t been that way in a longass time. Actually it’s not even just otome anymore? Like a lot of Japanese media has begun to move away from the once-popular tropes, because the audiences have become more aware and stuff. I mean, hell, look at all the western media (E3???? this year???? Look at how they literally told the straight white male players who cry sjw to get a move on and keep up with media and mentalities changing). I mean, that’s a discussion for another day, sure, but it just tells me that Beemoov is still so rooted in a time and place that, y’know, sucks now. And they are behaving like they believe a lot of what they’re dishing out is gonna be eaten up like how it used be 7 years ago.

Which is why like. I wanna see Castiel. I wanna see how dirty Beemoov did him. But I also want to see the opposite. What if Beemoov is so good to him, it’s insulting? I mean, he’s their pikachu apparently lmfao. Or at least Chino’s. She claimed to have fought hard to keep him in (EVEN THOUGHT NATHANIEL IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE AS WELL LOLOLOL) so like. No matter if they treat him poorly like they’ve done to quite literally everyone else, if they conversely treat him good, just goes to show what they think of everything else. Beemoov do you realise there’s no winning here for you? No, not at all.

[heteroflexiblecastiel]

when cas eats raw meat on the floor i just want to take him on a Date. i want to treat him to a meal at a classy restaurant where i pull out his chair for him and then when the waiter comes he says. i would like five to seven pounds of raw ground beef please. and the waiter makes a face so i interject to say that it's ok, he eats it all the time and he's built up a 100% immunity to e. coli or whatever you get from raw beef. and maybe i argue with him for several minutes but he eventually acquiesces and leaves without taking my order but that's okay bc i wasn't planning on eating. and while we're waiting for his meal i say tell me about yourself. and he says. i'm several billion or perhaps a few thousand years old. i've been lobotomized dozens, maybe hundreds of times but i don't remember it and no one has told me yet so i shouldn't be able to tell you. and i say haha wow that's so cool and mysterious and sexy. and then his beef comes out in a bus tub that the waiter slams down on the table before scurrying away. and i watch with my chin in my hand and hearts in my eyes as he eats frantically, desperately, making noises that concern and frighten the other diners. hes eating it by the fistful. it's all over his face and shirt. there's a little in his hair. and as he reaches the end he spots the waiter and flags him down. the waiter approaches with extreme trepidation. cas tells him excuse me. may i have five glasses of whole cows milk. the waiter clenches his hand so violently that his pen snaps in half. it's a nice sturdy gel pen. ink is everywhere. he says of course sir, i'll get that out to you right away. cas thanks him and immediately returns to scarfing the last few handfuls of beef. the waiter stumbles away. about three minutes later, as castiel has his entire head inside the bus tub licking the sides clean, the waiter returns with five glasses of milk on a tray. he sets them down one by one, drops the tray on the ground due to his nervous tremors, picks it up silently and leaves. cas immediately sets upon the milk. he picks up the first glass and swallows continuously until it is drained. he sets it down. starts on the next. about three and a quarter glasses in, he notices a dollop of ground beef he's accidentally dropped on the ground. he stops drinking to scoop up the meat, from the floor, and place it in his mouth. he then continues to drink the remaining one and three quarter glasses of milk on the table. nearly the second he is finished, the waiter appears and stares at the center of the table, refusing to meet either of our eyes as he says that the manager of the establishment has "comped" our meals and that we should feel free to leave at our earliest opportunity. i thank him profusely with a hand on his arm. he flinches and walks backward all the way into the double doors leading to the kitchen. i say are you ready to leave castiel, darling? he says Okay. and we teleport instantly to his front doorstep. he lives in a charming townhouse in [american urban center]. i tell him i had a great time tonight, cas. he nods solemnly and says likewise. the meat was satisfying. i say i'm glad to hear it..... and then i reach out to gently, so gently, wipe away a smear of beef from the corner of his mouth. i tell him. you had a little. he interrupts me. meat? i say yeah it was meat. from the floor. or maybe the tub.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi, I've never really watched much SPN but I saw you say in a post to look through your J*red tag, (I could've sworn people loved him but I took a long tumblr break) and I'm confused about the Destiel thing. I thought when the Destiel episode aired, that people said Jensen looked like he was holding back a slur in that episode. But also excited for it? Which is it?

let me preface this by saying that i'm not mad at YOU at all, but i really am fucking annoyed that people took one screencap with no further context and made it a meme that a whole person was homophobic because of what they interpreted as his facial expression.

first of all, here's a gifset of that part of the scene so you can see what's said and how they look while saying it. here's a gif of the specific bit that the screencap was taken from:

i can't speak for anyone else, but i'm pretty good at reading facial expressions, and i've been watching jensen/dean for years now. i can tell you that this facial expression, being shown in response to "i love you" is dean saying please don't, not like this.

because cas isn't JUST saying "i love you", he's saying it to trigger his own death, in order to save dean's life. by the time cas says it, dean knows that, he knows this is goodbye. and he can't fucking bear for what's between them to be said out loud like this, for the first, the only time, not as cas leaving him again, not as cas sacrificing himself for dean.

this is nothing remotely like "i want to say a slur", it's not pain because he doesn't feel the same; it's pain because this is basically dean's worst nightmare. cas has just told him everything he always wanted to hear, and he's saying it as a goodbye.

BUT, what's more important than my personal interpretation of these facial expressions is that in jensen's first panel after this episode, he said - as tactfully as possible - that a lot of dean's reaction in this scene had been cut.

(he also was very animated when talking about the episode and this scene in particular. he said that he had a crew member record the scene on jensen's personal phone because it was so important to him. he and misha sent fan reaction videos to each other that night. he was excited while talking to fans and asking what they thought, all smiles and delight with how much we liked it.)

you can see that, right after the previous gifs, dean looks over his shoulder at where the empty is coming for cas, and his eyes are absolutely filled with tears.

as soon as the camera angles switch back, the tears are gone.

so we know there were takes where jensen was acting his ASS off, he was full-on crying, and they just cut it all for the blandest reaction possible. because the thing is that while they filmed this episode, 15x18, just before quarantine, they finished filming the last two around six months later. however, 15x18 didn't AIR until after those six months.

long story short, it appears that they were going to make destiel canon, but that long break caused the cw execs to get nervous and hit the panic button to cut out as much gay as possible (most likely to keep the gay cooties off of padalecki to repackage him for his new show walker). i cannot emphasize enough how everything about the season (which was genuinely good) leading up to this moment absolutely screamed 'canon endgame destiel', and then something happened, and nothing about the final episode (which was horrible) or what anyone says about it makes any sense.

we know that misha was in vancouver at time of filming the finale, yet castiel never reappeared. we know that at least ten scenes were cut from the finale script, and the aired episode was suspiciously short with a lot of filler. we know that the explanations people have given for why things changed don't hold water, and we've gotten different stories from different people, some of whom are obviously under NDAs.

okay, so the reason i explained all of that is because fans more knowledgeable in filmmaking than i have analyzed this 15x18 confession scene and determined that it's not just that they used the most boring takes, but they actually butchered it. i.e. they used footage of jensen from different parts of the scene and shoehorned it into this moment so that it was as not-gay as possible.

my friend @winchestersingerautorepair has done a bunch of meta on this topic if you happen to be interested on the above mentioned analysis of the editing.

tl;dr: they butchered jensen's acting to make the scene as straight as possible.

and despite that, they couldn't edit out the fact that dean spent hours sobbing on the floor after cas was taken.

[shallowstories]

If I'm ever going to find time to write the Empty being in love with Cas stuff, I will always be thinking of her. Erica perfectly brought the unhinged, sleep-deprived insanity to the The Shadow entity. She feels like Supreme Leviathan or Chronos-like in terms of her oily black motif, ranked even higher than primordial Eve (and we know that Cas is outrunning Eve).

In a twisted sense, Cas is almost always positioned as the Storm God (lightning eyes and motifs)/Yahweh to the Primodial sea of Chaos in the Chaoskampf narrative. (SEE: Kingship, Struggle, and Creation). Typically, they overtake him. Cas loses. A lot. Unlike Yahweh destroying (and eating) the body of the Leviathan, the Leviathan destroy the body of Castiel.

But despite this. Castiel. Keeps. Coming. Back.

(The way to win, then, becomes to entice him to give himself up willingly.)

When the shadow first appeared in season 13, it appeared only as reflection of Cas and his turbulence within. It was perhaps a trite nod to the Jungian shadow--that place that reflects our hidden fears and our regrets. Despite being beaten and tortured, Castiel got up in its face, defiant. Rude. Not letting it get a word in.

"There's nothing for you there. There's nothing for you here. Life lacks meaning." That's chaos. That's nihilism.

However, Cas roared that he was already saved. That he would fight Chaos for centuries if need be, and he would make its life a living Hell. Because Cas is by design a Cowardly-yet-Courageous Lion, he feels the fear and rises anyway.

After this, the shadow evolves into something quite beyond a Jungian shadow. Like Amara, it awakens and individuates in the face of the universe and all these new feelings it's having. And those feelings awaken its rage.

Like it "has no power over God," it seems to also "have no power over Cas," at least not once Cas's awakened. So, it cannot keep Cas. It has to let him go if it wants peace. BUT when the opportunity presents itself, it CAN come for his son.

So, it does.

It takes on the shape of Dumah and triumphantly sticks close to Cas until it can strike at Jack. Here, the power struggle between them continues: "Stop interrupting! Start paying attention." In season 15, this motif of jealous pseudo-lover becomes even stronger. It coos to Cas from the darkness, in the shape of Meg: "Chardonnay, Clarence? Oh, you're probably not in the mood. See you soon."

It has become overtly sexual.

By this point, the Empty has evolved into a covetous, twisted thing, desperate to quell the nervous anticipation that's developed in its gut, that it can't get Castiel out of its mind.

Other Empty stuff

The irrationality of awakened feelings: The Empty is a little bit in love with Cas (which is why having him come WILLINGLY is so appealing)

Ficlet about The Empty basking in its empty, empty victory (and it *still* can't sleep)

Fuel and emptiness and Dean

Erica's Empty was It

If EYE had been a decision-maker and if EYE had seen Erica Cerra's performance as The Empty, I'd just have perm-glued her to it, never looked back, and woulda just made her the final big bad after Chuck.

Cause daaaaamn.

[mandoalorian]

Brown Eyes [Din Djarin x Reader]

!! SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 15, SEASON 2. !!

*Hi. The episode has been out for three hours. The devil works hard but I work harder. I hope you enjoy! xx*

Summary: Din has always wanted to confess his love to you— but with his devotion to the Creed and with the risk of losing you, he wonders if the revelation would really be worth it. Would you even consider being with him if he refused to remove his helmet? When Grogu is taken away from Din and in the fiendish hands of Moff Gideon, Din realises there isn't anything he won't do to get his son back.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: descriptions of anxiety, *SPOILERS FOR Season 2 Episode 15: The Believer of The Mandalorian*

Word count: 2.6k

Permanent taglist - let me know if you want to be added: @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos

Masterlist

gif credit: @siennablake

"Din," you froze up, backing away from the Imperial who was sitting at a table drinking caf. "I- I can't do it."

Din's head snapped to face you, masked by the Imperial Shocktrooper helmet he was doting. "Why not?" His voice was firm, but the tone of his question dripped with concern. You bawled your fingers into a fist as you squeezed your eyes tight shut, beginning to anxiously pace around in circles.

"That's Valen Hess," you muttered, trying your hardest to regulate your nervous breathing. "He- I used to serve under him. I- can't… go in there. Din, he'll recognise me." the thoughts in your head were jumbled. Din placed two hands steady on your shoulders.

"I'll go, hand me the dataspike." Din told you calmly. You felt like putty under his touch. Usually, his firm grip would calm you down and ease any of your troubles away— but not this time. You felt completely nauseated.

Grogu was at stake. When you met the Mandalorian, it took him some time to find the confidence in introducing you to the child. You were Ex-Imperial after all. But he warmed up to you, seeing the way you cared so deeply for the children on Sorgan. When he introduced you to the little green bean, who did not yet have a name, you were enamoured. That's when Din knew he was in love with you. Ever since that day, he'd only fallen in love with you more and more. His feelings became stronger with every waking second he spent with you.

Of course, he never acted on his feelings. He wished he had, he wished he could say something. He knew that if something happened to you and you didn't know how he truly felt, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. There had been countless times where you and him brushed paths on the Razor Crest. Plenty of times to say something, plenty of times to mutter the three words that had consumed his mind, body and soul. ‘I love you’. The words were like a broken record in the back of his mind. He looked at you through his visor, seeing your distress and his heart aching and he wanted— no, he had to do something.

His son had been kidnapped and suddenly, Din was an unstoppable force. Nothing could hold him back— not his friends, not the Creed, nothing. The regret ate him up like flies on a corpse. If there was one thing he learned from Grogu's disappearance, is that you never know what is coming around the corner. Din began to treat everyday with you like it was your last because there was no way of telling what the future was holding. And that only stirred him on, the desire of telling you how much you meant to him.

"You can't go," you removed your finger from your lips where you had been anxiously biting your nails. "The security system is biometric facial recognition. There must be another way." you tried to rack your brain for a solution, but Din's mind was already made up.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes in search for an answer. You steadied your breathing. "Din," you whispered. "What if we distract them? You go in there and speak to him so he's looking the other way and I'll use that moment to sneak past and access the terminal."

No answer. "Din?" you asked, cautiously opening your eyes. He was already gone. Your mouth began to open and close like a goldfish as you watched his approach the terminal. He paused, midway between two tables, shakily saluting Valen Hess. Din turned back to the terminal, held his head up high and carried on over to it.

Upon examining it, Din found it was no different to any other information point— whether it had been New Republic or Independent, Din was lucky enough to already know how to navigate the system. He clicked a few buttons on the keypad, bringing up the facial recognition scanner. He stood still, letting it roam down his face. He didn't have much faith, but it was worth a shot.

Din cursed under his breath as the scanner light lit up red, beeping ecstatically.

"Error. Error. Facial scanning incomplete. Ten seconds until system shutdown." An automated voice informed. Din felt a few gazes burn into his back, no doubt Valen Hess noticing the commotion. "Ten, nine, eight-"

You watched as the timer went down, your hand fingers curling around the blaster in your holster. You didn't know what Din was going to, but you knew if anything— he was a man with a plan.

And that was when he removed his helmet.

It hit you like a ton of bricks, it took the air from your lungs leaving you gasping in silence. You felt like a criminal, looking at him with your own eyes. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't tear the gaze from the back of his head.

Brown hair. Dark brown hair, slightly messy from the helmet. Although you were some distance away, you noticed the little waves and the way it curled at the nape of his neck. The cut of the Imperial armour revealed just a sliver of his skin. It was golden tan— surprising to you.

"Facial scanning complete." The dataspike ejected from the terminal, a small light lit up in green, validating that the information had been processed and Din was now the owner of Moff Gideon’s co-ordinates. Just as he was about to put his helmet back on, a voice interrupted him.

Your heart sank when you saw that Valen Hess had approached Din.

"Trooper, where are you stationed?"

"Transportation."

"What?"

"My designation is transport— co-pilot."

"No son, what's your TK number?"

Din felt his throat dry up as he looked the man in the eyes. Valen Hess stared at Din right back, looking into the eyes that nobody had gazed into since Din had been sworn to the Creed. Din swallowed the lump in his throat, only for it to return immediately.

"He's with me." you announced, walking over to Din and Hess. A wash of relief shuttled through Din's body upon hearing your voice, but that was completely blown away when he realised you had seen him. It was true, you had seen his face— but there was no time to act up. Din had sacrificed everything for Grogu and you weren't going to let this go wrong. "This is my trooper, sir."

"Who is he and what's his TK number?" Valen Hess repeated, clicking his tongue between his teeth.

"This is my commanding officer TK-0402, and I'm TK-0322. I'm afraid he doesn't speak much. Ever since his vessel lost pressure on Tanaab." You explained with confidence, sighing apologetically and placing a hand on your hip.

Din found the courage to look at you, making brief yet bewildered glances between you and Valen Hess. He had a thousand questions but he knew he could trust you, and so, he smiled wearily, nodding his head in agreement to your little story.

"What's his name?" Hess inquired.

You took a deep breath, and turned to face Din. He looked at you too, his face softening as your eyes met for the very first time. You felt your heart rate slow down as you took in his appearance. You were nervous, and tensions were high, but as you looked into the Mandalorian's sparkling eyes, you felt a familiar sense of belonging. You felt complete.

"Brown eyes." you whispered, feeling the tears pool up as you tried to choke back a sob. Din smiled at you, just a small smile, but enough to make the corners of his eyes crinkle. It gave you the reassurance to know that this was all worth it.

"Well, brown eyes," Valen Hess adjusted his belt. "You troopers were both on the transport that brought in the valium, correct? The only surviving shocktroopers, might I add." he grinned, raising an eyebrow.

"Y-yeah, that was us." You answered hesitantly.

"Please, come join me for drinks. We must celebrate." Hess said, approaching the table he was originally sat at and ushering you over with an exaggerated gesture.

You and Din exchanged a look before walking over to the table and sinking down into the chair. Hess poured out two cups of caf and slid them over. Din stayed silent for most of the conversation, briefly making utterances of affirmation and nodding his head to suggest that he was indeed listening.

Although, he wasn't listening really. His mind was racing and he couldn't concentrate on anything. Although it wasn't necessarily true, he felt like every head in the room was looking at him. Staring at him. Judging him breaking his oath. Was he a failure? Was he a disgrace to the Creed? Dishonourable? A monster?

"I could blather on 'to health' or 'to success', but… tell me TK-0322, where do you come from?"

"Alderaan." you said without hesitation. Din looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, wondering why exactly you had given Hess the details of your real planet.

"Ah, I see…" Hess frowned. "Well, to Alderaan!" he grinned, raising his glass in the air.

"No." you deadpanned and Hess shot you a confused look.

"No?"

"No." you repeated. "Alderaan was a peaceful planet destroyed by the Empire."

"And those on the Death Star, those who aided in the destruction of Alderaan became heroes of the Empire. I was there." he said with pride.

Din watched your face harden as your cheeks burned up with rage. "Heroes?" you croaked out. "For attacking and murdering innocents? Hundreds of thousands of people died on Alderaan. I lost my family."

"Losing the ones we love is simply part of life," Hess revealed with a sigh— and Din felt his heart shatter at his words. He stiffened up, his gaze fixating on the concrete wall as his surroundings began to faze out.

"At what cost?" you whispered. "You know, every day I think about it. I wished there was something I could do to stop it. But no, I was here, fighting for the Empire. While the Empire was out killing my people." You gritted out as tears pricked your eyes. You felt Dins hand manouver under the table and take place on your thigh, as his gloved fingers rubbed comforting circles into the thin material that covered your skin. His hand was large, fitting around your leg perfectly. He held you down, stopping your anxious shaking and you immediately calmed down. Din wasn't going to stop you, but he did want you to not let your feelings intrude on what was really happening right now. Valen Hess, however, looked mortified. You picked up the glass and forced a smile. Din copied your movement and you clinked your glass with his. "To family." you toast, and Din smiles. He smiles so wide a dimple appears in his cheek.

"To family." he confirms, thinking about his son and how close he was to getting him back.

You put the glass of caf back down on the table and quickdrew your blaster, shooting Valen Hess in the chest.

Din knew better than to question you. He took out his own pistol and helped you take down the remaining troopers and Imps in the room before you both raced out of the base.

Of course, you knew that there'd be commotion. You heard the TIE fighter engines as soon as you stepped foot outside. Din grabbed your hand, pulling you along as you both sprinted into the depths of the forest. Once deep enough, you looked up. It was dark, strings of light beaming through the gaps in the trees. But it was enough to illuminate Din. You had envisioned what Din looked like beneath his beskar helmet every single day, and now, you had your answer.

Din took one look at you. He pulled off his leather gloves, dropping them to the ground and placed his hand on your cheek. Subconsciously, you leaned into the warmth of his palm as his fingers tucked the strands of hair behind your ear. You closed your eyes, humming in delight as his bodily warmth transferred to you.

"Din, when we return to the ship you can put your helmet back on. I never saw you." you promised, your voice barely above a whisper and your eyes remaining closed.

"Cyare," Din mumbled, his heart yearning. The pad of his thumb traced your face, following the height of your cheek bones and the arch of your eyebrows and down your nose. "Open your eyes." he requested. Cautiously, you obeyed, your eyes fluttering open as you drunk in his appearance once more.

Brown stubble with a patch of grey graced the lower portion of his face. You reached out, this time your own hand cupping his cheek. Din didn't let go of you, and he let you touch him. Your finger nervously brushed over the coarse hairs and you let out a small giggle as you remembered him telling you from the Fresher room on the Razor Crest that he was going to shave. He had, and now you could see for yourself that it had started growing back.

"Do… do you like what you see?" Din asked nervously, his gaze only temporarily lifting from yours.

You nodded your head. "I do," you admitted. "You're… so handsome."

Din felt his cheeks heat up as you watched the small blush creep upon his face. You were enthralled, seeing him like this. Seeing his humanity— his emotions and expressions. You knew you loved Din, with or without the helmet— but this confirmed everything.

"May I?" Din asked, leaning into you slowly and closing his eyes. The curve of his nose bumped against yours as and the softness of his lips touched you so delicately.

You mumbled a small 'yes' and as your lips parted, Din kissed you. Soft, sweet, but passionate and with heart. You tangled your hands in his hair, tugging at it and encouraging Din to kiss you deeper and further. He done so, willingly, a groan of pleasure escaping his mouth and vibrating through your body.

He pulled away eventually, breathless and his eyes dark and glazed. "I-I…" he was speechless, looking at you with the utmost adoration. "I love you." He sighed in defeat, knowing now was a better time than any to admit his true feelings. He had to do it one day, and it just so happened to be in the depths of a forest as you hid from Imperials.

"I love you too." you exhaled shakily, thrusting forward into his arms and letting him hold you tight to his chest. He pressed a kiss into your hair.

"I love you so much." Din sobbed, his grip around you tightening like he was afraid that if he let go, you'd vanish just like Grogu did. "Please, never leave me. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere Din," you promised. "Now c’mon, let's go get Grogu."

PART TWO

[whateverthedragonswant]

That Destiel response

I know this is very delayed (work has been killer the last two weeks tbh) but I finally was able to get this done and wanted to throw it out into the void before the anniversary and con happening tomorrow:

So after that shitshow at DenCon 2021 (this is not hating on JP, it's stating facts: JP's rant was a shitshow for LGBTQIA+; was it unintentional? most likely, was it still hurtful for the community? yes = shitshow), I've finally been able to parse my thoughts and feelings about it all and have some thoughts on the topic of Destiel based on that response. And just a warning, this got really long.

For those of us that shipped Destiel before this event, I would just like to say this:

Regardless of how the actors may see the confession scene (and this includes Jensen), it does not take away from how we see the story (or the confirmation that Cas' confession was romantic and written/acted with romantic intent). This doesn't take away from how we view it, just as the romantic confirmation doesn't take away from how others view the scene as only platonic or brotherly. (though tbf, objectively, that assessment is incorrect because like I said above, we know what the intent was for that scene for Cas) For example, I'm a Fuffy shipper at heart. I know how Buffy's story went and how it ended. I know how it's been continued on in the comics. That doesn't take away from my reading of the very obvious subtext between Buffy and Faith during that show, no matter what Whedon or the actresses or show said. I know subtext when I see it.

So nothing that Jared or Jensen say can take away from how you read that scene. Especially Jared who had nothing to do with the scene, had no involvement in how it was shot/acted/written/blocked, or was even on set that day. What he's stating in his very problematic reply (yes, I am talking about the rant he went on that absolutely smacked of homophobia/acephobia no matter how unintentional it might have been) is purely his opinion. It's not Misha's or Berens' or even Jensen's. So in light of that, I want to focus purely on Jensen's words in his reply during this panel.

A lot of us see it as being his typical neutral answer that we all expected (which is totally fine) but I think a lot of it got lost in translation due to Jared's interrupting answer.

Question: "So um, actually, um, I'm a mom and a couple of my kids are--identify as queer and I always appreciated how, like, organically you just introduce like gay characters and things, and um, sorry I'm shaking I'm so nervous. Um, and so my question is with Castiel, when did you know that the way he loved Dean was a romantic, like deep love? Like, when in the series did you know? Because we always kind of debate over 'see, this is when they're kind of dropping hints.'"

Excellent question by this amazing mom. She's obviously asking when Jensen knew that Cas' love for Dean was indeed romantic in the story. And what she meant by the debate over the hints was about Cas and when it was decided that Cas was definitely in love with Dean, NOT about Dean himself.

Jensen: "Well, I don't think Dean ever really knew until the end there. Um, uh, in fact I know he didn't because I never played that. I would say when Jensen found out or it was kind of discussed internally that it's--it...it's interesting because the--the--I think romantic--" (why does Dean come into this? she was asking when Jensen himself knew...)

*Jared interrupts with "I think the point is--"* (because he sees this is going into a place that Jensen appears to be uncomfortable going into just based off of the beginning of his answer alone)

Jensen: "I think the term romantic is being used because there isn't necessarily a term that--"

*Jared interrupts again with "He's junkless, you know?"* (ah, the purposely distracting/garnering for laughs answer)

Jensen: "Yeah. I don't think-I don't think lust is involved with the romanticism--"

*Jared interrupts again and just takes over* (again, trying to obviously distract/misdirect away from Jensen because he views it as saving Jensen from having to answer while also making his point)

So, I kind of want to break down these words Jensen said above. Obviously, I'm not inside the man's head and have no complete knowledge of his intentions, especially since I didn't discuss it with him and I obviously don't know him at all personally but I'm going to focus on the words themselves of this first part:

"Well, I don't think Dean ever really knew until the end there. Um, uh, in fact I know he didn't because I never played that." -- this is absolutely how I saw Dean in the story line so this makes 100% sense to me. Dean had no idea that Cas felt that way about him at all until Cas says it (AND Jensen's own words confirm yes, peeps, Cas' ILY was definitely romantic, IT'S RIGHT THERE!). That, to me, is absolute fact and has now been officially confirmed by Jensen who states he didn't play Dean as knowing about Cas' feelings until that moment in 15x18. It's not that Dean didn't know that he and Cas had a profound bond, that other characters didn't hint at it to him (i.e. Sam, Balthazar, Ishim, etc.), that he wasn't aware that Cas had this odd fascination with him, but he never ever knew that Cas' feelings were indeed anything more than brotherly, platonic, and familial. And looking at Dean's character (without Jensen's confirmation of how he played it), this makes absolute sense. Dean always thought he was damaged goods, that he was nothing more than a soldier and that he would die a gruesome death at a young age, that he didn't deserve happiness, love, and a family, or even some semblance of a normal life. It's only in the last few seasons that we see his perception of himself start to change as well as his perceived (and expected) ending. It's Cas' words in 15x18 that finally get through to Dean about himself as well as his anger (not Amara, not Sam, not anyone else) and we see this come to fruition in 15x19 (and dare I say it, 15x20). Dean never thought anyone would love him or that he was deserving of that love. (look at how he couldn't settle into his life with Lisa and Ben in the beginning of season 6 regardless of the hunting itch and Sam, look at how the writer and director talked about how Jensen played Dean in the 'federal investigation' moment in season 8 with Aaron with 'somebody likes me' as if it's such a shock and not because it's coming from another man) Dean never felt he would be good enough for anything more than a roll in the hay (which is what he mostly has in the series minus his pre-existing relationship with Cassie, his relationship with Lisa, and of course the unwanted connection with Amara). So, Dean not knowing (and Jensen playing it that way) absolutely makes sense.

Now, notice how when he says this, he is not speaking about how Dean felt, up to that point or during that point or even after it. He's simply answering the question to the best of his ability with his interrupting buddy in close proximity and with (as most of us assume) studio/network constraints to keep the ending to be perceived as an open ending. He is not supposed to answer one way or the other and he knows that. That's why he's not speaking on how Dean feels, regardless of whichever way it was (or because he's simply not comfortable speaking publicly on how Dean felt).

"I would say when Jensen found out or it was kind of discussed internally that it's--it...it's interesting because the--the--I think romantic-- I think the term romantic is being used because there isn't necessarily a term that--" -- He is stating point blank that he didn't know Cas had romantic feelings for Dean officially until he found out himself internally (and it's interesting that he's attempting to backtrack away from Cas' ILY being romantic even though his words above/seconds before literally just confirmed it as being romantic). And even though he played Dean as not knowing until the confession itself happens, he obviously knew about it beforehand as himself bts. Let's remember, Misha himself has stated before that the confession scene would not have happened had Jensen not been on board with it (again, why did Jensen need to be on board with it if it was only platonic or brotherly on Cas' end?). Even before this question in this panel, Jensen praises Misha's acting in that scene. After the confession scene aired back on November 5th, 2020, Jensen was proud of that scene, how it was Misha's goodbye to Cas, and how it came together (the hand print specifically in this interview):

Jensen also mentioned he had a crew member record the scene as they shot it, on his cell phone, so he could remember the experience as Jensen. Regardless of how he personally interprets what Dean's response would have been, what kind of love Cas had, this scene was very important to him, whether that be because it was his last scene with Misha, it being Misha's goodbye to Cas, an important scene for Dean as a character (it was), or all of it in combination. He absolutely cared about that scene and in no way is he out to sabotage someone's reading of it, however they choose to see it (and this includes Misha's "homosexual declaration of love" btw). Had Jared not been present at this panel, I do believe Jensen would have absolutely been able to answer this woman's question clearer while also operating within the constraints they all have been given (again, that a lot of us assume they have).

"Yeah. I don't think-I don't think lust is involved with the romanticism--" -- this is Jensen purely trying to undo what Jared just said about Cas being junkless (he's remembers this mom's words all too well when stating the question most likely). That idiotic comment Jared (it was idiotic, sorry not sorry) made has nothing to do with the question that was asked or the answer that Jensen was trying to give. Instead, Jared thought it would be hilarious and it would earn him a few laughs while he helps out his "good buddy" who is obviously attempting to give a thought out answer within the constraints they've been given (again, assumed), while Jared is determined to tow the company line (because let's face it, the same network has his current show on it). I think this line Jensen says is very important and actually not only shows that he absolutely understands the impact that scene had for people (not just for Dean's character or Cas', plus didn't he say he and Misha sent each other fan reaction videos to the scene at some point?) but also that he is very aware of the distinct difference between love and sex (as hopefully any person would be) and how the "romance" of the moment is not about someone being "junkless", whether he has been educated on the difference between romantic orientations and sexual orientations or not, and that they don't always go hand in hand. He's also purposely choosing the word "romanticism" here which if you look up the definition also means "the state or quality of being romantic" as we all know. He knows exactly how this scene was written and acted out, not just because he was involved with it and was there when it was filmed but also because obviously he was told the intent of it when it was discussed with him. He knows exactly what Cas' "I love you" meant from Cas' story line, from his perspective. He just isn't willing to confirm it (for whatever the reason). And I'm willing to bet that this is exactly why Jared jumps in here and completely takes over. Not because he understands the difference between romantic and sexual orientations (as is evidenced by his rant), not because he understands what the word "romanticism" means obviously, but because he was determined to be the one to answer and then he heard the beginning of that word when Jensen said it, went 'oh shit', and then we got the inevitable word vomit that turned into a very toxic and harmful homophobic (and acephobic) rant (no matter how unintentional it might have been on his part).

Then of course, after Jared's rant (which Jensen looked like he wanted to speak up at least twice during but refrained when it was obvious Jared was just going to keep going, which speaking from a professional perspective though Jensen and I have different careers, it didn't surprise me that he didn't; when someone is all geared up and is going to keep going, keep interrupting, keep ranting about a topic, sometimes the best thing to do is to literally wait them out, let them finish getting whatever it is off of their chest, and then speak your piece because when someone is that geared up, it will only get worse if you keep trying to interrupt or speak or get your point across, and before you know it, it's an argument that you're definitely not winning, so it's usually best to wait them out - I'm not excusing anyone here, I'm just explaining that from a professional perspective, I get why he didn't jump in during the rant), we get the rest of Jensen's reply which immediately tries to clarify whatever the fuck that reply of Jared's was but also starts backtracking from the open interpretation line slightly while also slightly reaffirming what Jared just said (which is where the problem comes in from where Jensen is involved):

"I think the, I'll just piggyback on what he said... The love that Cas had is...is heavenly. It was, you know, he's an angel. He's able to--he's able to, I think, love on a level and on a plane that human emotion doesn't necessarily comprehend. Um, and I think we might default to making it a romantic or a sexual love when I think that, the way that I kind of interpreted it, and this is the great thing about the show and I think some of these relationships and characters is that they're open for interpretation. If you find identity in a character because of--because of whatever reason, fantastic. Great. If that encourages you to be a better person or to love someone a little harder or to forgive someone for something then fantastic. That's-- I think, that's one of the beautiful things about doing what we do is we get to encourage people on a variety of levels. And I think Cas' love was a love that isn't identified by humans necessarily. It was the love that--that superseded that. And so we tried to find words to describe that and I just don't think they're our words."

So I'm going to break this down, too, piece by piece:

"I think the, I'll just piggyback on what he said... The love that Cas had is...is heavenly. It was, you know, he's an angel. He's able to--he's able to, I think, love on a level and on a plane that human emotion doesn't necessarily comprehend." -- once again, he is stating exactly what he said back when the confession scene happened in 2020. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this part of the reply because that's a very vague and diplomatic answer without confirming one way or the other how Dean felt about Cas' "I love you". But what does start to lean towards problematic is that instead of speaking once again on what the question actually was, which was when Jensen knew that Cas' feelings were romantic in the story line (which again has been confirmed by Misha, the other actor in that scene as well as him confirming that Berens' intent when writing the ILY was romantic on Cas' part), there seems to be a focus on Cas suddenly (due to Jared's rant that Jensen appears to be now grabbing like a lifeline) and how he feels and what his love actually means. Again, this is nothing we haven't heard before from Jensen when he's been asked about the confession scene and Dean's lack of reply one way or the other. It's actually a good way to answer it because like we've all said before, it keeps it open. He's not shutting the door on it and saying "yeah, no, Cas didn't love Dean like that, he's junkless, you know?" But it's when the focus shifts from Jensen (notice how Jared's rant purposely shifted all focus from Jensen btw, people like to say Jared has no idea what he's doing when he word vomits like that or that it wasn't intentional, maybe his homophobic and acephobic remarks weren't, but his intention to get the focus off of Jensen and tow the company line was; the guy is wicked smart, I'll give him that) to Cas that we start to see the problem in Jensen's remaining reply.

"Um, and I think we might default to making it a romantic or a sexual love when I think that, the way that I kind of interpreted it, and this is the great thing about the show and I think some of these relationships and characters is that they're open for interpretation. If you find identity in a character because of--because of whatever reason, fantastic. Great. If that encourages you to be a better person or to love someone a little harder or to forgive someone for something then fantastic. That's-- I think, that's one of the beautiful things about doing what we do is we get to encourage people on a variety of levels." -- this is the very problematic part of Jensen's reply. Not what he says about how great it is that everyone can have a different read on a scene or characters, etc, or how if it can affect your life in a positive way -- that's great. That's just more of the same line he's been giving since 15x18 aired. I also think (though tbf I don't know the man) he genuinely feels this way: "That's-- I think, that's one of the beautiful things about doing what we do is we get to encourage people on a variety of levels." For any character he plays, any story he is a part of. He's a natural born storyteller. That's literally who he is. But it's this part of his reply that's the issue: "I think we might default to making it a romantic or a sexual love". Here is where he started to flounder and basically without really meaning to (I think?) kind of reaffirmed what Jared said (about the confession not being romantic or sexual in nature) but also once again showing that he is very well aware of the difference between love and sex, and how different groups of viewers didn't necessarily see Cas' ILY as saying 'I want to bone you, Dean, but sadly I just don't have the time due to that big black goo coming out of the wall behind you'. By saying "I think we might default to making it" - well, that unfortunately is saying without explicitly saying that the interpretation/reading of the confession as "a romantic or a sexual love" is wrong. It's just a default setting so to speak.

But then he does manage to come back around with "And I think Cas' love was a love that isn't identified by humans necessarily. It was the love that--that superseded that." -- He circles back to the whole Cas' love is heavenly, his love is a different type of love that humans may not understand, etc. Nothing wrong with that. Tbf to him, I completely understand what he's saying here and I do tend to agree. It doesn't mean it's not romantic or a "homosexual declaration of love", but yes, I think Cas loved Dean unconditionally as he proved time and time again throughout the series up until his end. We've all talked about how this angel who had seen millennia meets this one human who not only changes his view on his own existence as well as humanity's but also becomes someone he cares very deeply for (even before that's made explicitly clear in season 15). Hence the wording for Cas in the confession scene: "I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean." So when Jensen says the love superseded the human idea of romantic or sexual love, he's not completely wrong. "Still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester." That doesn't mean that Cas didn't have those feelings for Dean or have a romantic love for him or sexual attraction for him (he was once human for a bit there after all, and he also took on more humanistic traits as Cas' character evolved over time and developed further), but he loved Dean beyond those things. The power of it simply would blow away say if it had been a human man to say that to Dean. His love was unconditional (see episode 10x22 for reference for example), which as much as we as humans try to achieve that type of love, for ourselves and others, we're all still human. It doesn't take away from the love we have and give every single day but I think what Jensen is trying to get at here with this idea is that when a human loves another human, it's to the 100th degree, right? But when an angel loves a human in this fictional universe, it's to the nth degree. So he's not saying it's not romantic in nature, he's (purposefully) dancing around it and once again not committing to a particular intent or reading (again, due to possible constraints) while also trying to give some semblance of an answer. (which, again, was not the question but thanks to Jared, the focus was shifted off of the intent of said question; tho tbf Jensen had already started to go off topic before Jared spoke, Jared just took it all the way home)

But then, unfortunately, Jensen undoes some of the progress he just made away from the whole "default" line with this one: "And so we tried to find words to describe that and I just don't think they're our words." -- not terrible of course, at all, but by saying "I just don't think they're our words" it once again implies that it's not romantic in nature. Which steers away from the vague line of angelic love he had just been giving a moment earlier. The line starts out strong by saying "And so we tried to find words to describe that" but then tanks with "and I just don't think they're our words." And here's the thing, if it's his opinion, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Jared's opinion minus the unintentional homophobic/acephobic rant (which he was not asked for, just a reminder) is fine. It's what making these types of statements enable and give ammunition to that's the problem.

Sure enough, once this panel took place and that answer happened, more hatred, invalidation, and bullying (and other toxic behaviors) occurred. On this site and others. For those who saw the confession as romantic, for those who looked for validation in the scene and/or the actors' statements on said scene, for those who were upset by the actual homophobic/acephobic statements Jared made rather than about the ship. All of it occurred. Again. (which they've been dealing with for a year now, literally, and some for years before that) And that's what these statements when they're not prepared or well thought out (meaning on the spot, I for one think Jensen and Jared usually give very well thought out answers considering), when they get hijacked by someone thinking they're doing their buddy a solid by getting him out of an alleged tough spot, when the actors are most likely barred censored from speaking about the subject which then in turn makes them do an impossible form of legal limbo to try to answer fans' questions while trying not to get into trouble...that's when this particular section of people/fans/stans are able to operate and do their worst onto others. (and we all know very well which group I'm referring to in this fandom: two words that rhyme with Mared Shtans) Because they feel emboldened, empowered, and enabled to do so based on these types of answers given by the actors. And the actual harm Jared's rant did for the LGBTQIA+ community aside for a second, these words however unintentional or misguided or scrambling for a quick response they were, they essentially become weapons for a certain group (*cough* Jared Stans *cough cough*) and they were and are being gleefully and mercilessly used on others.

So, I get why so many were angry at Jensen and still are. I personally was disappointed for a while because though I understand the man is human and none of us know him personally, only the public persona he chooses to show us, I had hoped for better. Believing that he's an ally along with Danneel, I had hoped he would recognize the words coming out of Jared's mouth for what they were in the moment and while I didn't expect or hope that he would then immediately throw all caution to the wind and confirm Cas' ILY was romantic (to try to tamper some of the impact Jared's words would have on the community if nothing else) and Dean absolutely loves Cas back or tell Jared to kindly and politely f**k off, I had hoped he would at least not reaffirm what Jared had said. If only to spare the LGBTQIA+ community what we all knew would surely follow that panel. And sure enough, it did. So, when he unfortunately ended up reaffirming that word vomit in a way, I admit I was disappointed. Because based on the public persona he has shown us over the years, he appears to be a kind and good man who is enormously talented, exceptionally bright, wildly funny, beautifully compassionate, endlessly creative, a consummate professional, is a truly committed family man, and overall seems to have a good heart. So when he clapped softly after Jared said those horrific things and then the second part of his reply came, reaffirming some parts of the rant, my heart sank. Massive disappointment was I think a better way to describe how I felt. But ultimately, I realize he's a guy who is human, who gets thrown up in front of an audience with these panels and is expected to give Ted Talk type answers on the fly, got his explanation hijacked and turned into something just beyond words or understanding of just wtf that was, and had to think quickly on his feet while also dealing with possible constraints they may have to work around. And while it is disappointing and I'm not excusing it, I also understand the circumstances. Plus, as much as I respect the man, his words aren't the end all be all for me, not on this topic or any other. Would it be nice if Jared decides to go off in a future panel about a scene that has nothing to do with him and then turns it into an unintentional bite size homophobic/acephobic rant for Jensen to either cut him off and change the subject, or not reaffirm it at the very least, or basically just do better? Sure. But I'm not hanging my hat on it, one way or the other. I just always hope for the best where he's concerned and continue to be optimistic. I still respect him, I still enjoy his work and hearing his thoughts on said work (and just life, really, he just genuinely seems like a very cool individual), and I continue to wish the best for him. Jared...it's going to take me a bit longer for that one. I genuinely don't think he meant his words to be harmful. I really believe he thought he was helping to set down a line about romance in general on the show, was helping out his good buddy who was reeking of absolute discomfort, and just jumped in like Superman to try and save the day. I don't think he's anti-LGBTQIA+ like I've seen said on here; I think he just didn't do exactly that: think. But still, I think I need more time to process all of my thoughts on that particular part of the shitshow this was.

But back to Destiel. My whole very long point in this is that I get why people are tired of the whole "open to interpretation" answer when it comes to a canon event. (because remember, kids, canon is something that is an official part of the story and no matter what the haters/invalidaters try to tell you, if it happened on your television screen, it's canon; the confession scene is part of the official SPN story) A lot of people have said that they're just done with a queer love story being "open to interpretation" while a hetero love story no one questions what it is, and they're 100% right. This is very tiring indeed and it's not right. It's 2021 and this shit is still happening. I think that's why Jared's words (as well as the panel audience's reactions to them) sat with me for so long and it bothered me so much. Because we're still here. And had a female character said ILY to Dean instead of Cas (regardless of him being a non-binary angel in a male presenting body, just thought I'd mention that for a second), no one would question it. Even people who may not necessarily like the ship or the fact that this woman just told Dean she loves him. Even people who may have a different ship for Dean that they prefer (or for the female character). No one would question its intent. It would never be "open for interpretation". And yet, here we are. The only thing I can say on this is that when it comes to SPN, I've learned after this whole year to manage my expectations when it comes to that. I think moving forward, depending on how any future SPN-related projects go (like Jensen keeps talking about down the line), and depending on how rigid these alleged constraints still are when it does happen, I don't expect we'll get anything more than the "open to interpretation" line when it comes to Jensen, "the show isn't about that" when it comes to Jared, and Misha still out there with the steel chair of confirmation to knock the haters and toxic homophobes back like he's been basically doing for the last year. I hope for the best but I also expect less if that makes sense. And as many of you have said, at least we have Misha and he is one half of that scene, he is the actor who purposely performed that scene with a certain intent, he fought for that scene, he worked with the writer of that scene, and he appears to be a compassionate individual who fully understands now just how important that scene is to a lot of people. And hopefully, just a smidgen of hope really, this W*B/C*W line will change when it comes to the future of the SPN universe.

As for the ship, regardless of what Jared said, regardless of some of what Jensen's reply turned out being, he still left it open enough for us to see that he's not outright saying "Destiel doesn't exist" like he did once upon a time. As we all have discussed, his outlook on the ship appears to have changed a lot over the years. He may not be coming out and saying "I was wrong, Destiel does exist and it happened on screen on November 5, 2020, mark your calendars hellers, we're doing this" but he's also not saying "hey, it never happened and y'all are crazy, two dudes wanting to fuck each other? i'm out." He has not changed his position since the confession scene happened, if anything I think he maybe talks a little less about it now than he did when it first aired? He still is very much down the middle and wanting people to read it how they want to. Like he said, it's like when someone looks at a painting, he doesn't want to tell them how they should see it. (which funnily enough, I think iirc Misha said something similar to this in his panel with Alex at DenCon - minefield of constraints, anyone?) And as we know, television is a form of visual media aka visual art. So while people might look at this reply of Jensen's as damaging to Destiel or as confirmation that the ILY is not romantic, I'm looking at it from the other end where it absolutely is implying but without saying it outright that yes, the ILY absolutely can be read as romantic (which it is because we know that was the intent in the script and in the performance for the scene) and is not at all damaging to Destiel in any way, shape, or form. The people who see the confession as romantic are not crazy. Those who go out of their way to tell you that it didn't happen and you're crazy if you see the ILY as anything other than brotherly or platonic are.

It's been there all along:

And once again, even though Jensen said he didn't play Dean as knowing how Cas felt about him until Cas actually says it, he also didn't say how Dean felt. And let's not forget (aside from Jacting Joices), the show very purposely did not have Dean answer back, one way or the other. They very purposely had time constraints in that scene to where Dean couldn't fully process everything he was being told, with the ILY at the end of it. They very purposely used the line "can't reciprocate" for Dean in the script, not "doesn't" or "won't".

And while I can be a bi-Dean truther by trade (sometimes), and I hate to give this next idiot any credit (Adam Williams has briefly entered the chat everybody), I do believe Adam was right but only to a point. Like Jensen said, Cas' love superseded everything because not only was it "heavenly" but it was unconditional. Now if we look at Dean's end of it, he may not be sexually attracted to Cas (though I tend to side eye that, 8x07 clean up scene anyone?) but he definitely loves him. You can't give me Jackles and this:

This:

And this:

And expect me not to side eye you with a smattering of disbelief when you try to tell me that this is all brotherly love.

They had him ignore Sam because he was so devastated after that confession. Sam! When people were disappearing. They didn't have to have Sam calling in that moment. They could have not had Dean crying in that scene but only being in shock. They could have not had the fakeout call with Lucifer (who apparently suddenly needed an open door for access to the bunker? what? was he demoted in The Empty?). They could have told Jensen to take it easy on his knees and slowly ascend the stairs or they could have chosen not to show it at all. But they did. All along, Dean's feelings have been there:

And until Jensen says "Dean absolutely does not have those types of feelings for Cas, I know he didn't because I never played it that way" (which I will then be sending him my huge Jacting Joices file along with my Destiel dissertation that I've been working on for the past year that will be for his eyes only with a post-it note on top in black magic marker asking "WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?"), I will forever yell from the rooftops, mountain summits, and any other tall peak really that Dean absolutely loved Cas back.

So hang in there, peeps. No matter what this new con brings us. Know that Destiel is canon (again, the confession scene happened, it is an official part of the story, even Jared can't magic Walker 'y'all' smile his way out of that one...yeah, I'm still processing and part of my process is sarcasm, deal with it) and it was written (and acted, and even filmed - see the empty chair next to Alt!Charlie, see the empty car of Eileen's, see the dropped eggs from Stevie, see the dropped phone from Eileen, see the massive truth bomb drop from Cas before he hits Dean with the ILY, see the empty chair from in front of Dean in the dungeon, see Cas disappearing in front of Dean's eyes vs Alt!Charlie not seeing Stevie or Sam not seeing Eileen when they disappear) with romantic intent. No matter what is said, they chose to film this portion of the story and air it so it appeared on all of our television screens. They chose to let it become part of the official SPN story. We're not crazy and Destiel absolutely exists.

Stay positive, gang. <3

[mishacollinsthighsss]

Warning: includes smut

Pairing: Jensen/Misha

Words: ~2,8k

Unbeta'd (and I'm sleep deprived so, sorry for any mistakes) 

He dropped the script onto the table and leaned back on the couch in his trailer, covering his face with both hands. Slowly, he took a deep breath, already planning how to escape, he didn't even like the guy that much,- at least he felt this way, according to Daneel, he was head over heels for him- but suddenly, there was a quiet knock on the door.

Jensen stared at the script in front of him, not sure what to think. His jaw was hanging open and his eyes widened more and more with every sentence he'd read. They couldn't be serious, could they? A little bit more than one Season with Misha, and now he was supposed to kiss him? 

"It's open," he said, loud enough for whoever was out there to be audible, before he grabbed his beer and took a long sip. As always, he was expecting Jared, but when the door opened and he heard no footsteps, he turned his head, just to see Misha standing there.

"Hey… uh, guess you've seen the script?"

Misha nodded to the script on the table, the page with the kissing scene still visible. Jensen groaned and leaned back again, his head dropping against the couch.

"Yeah, yeah, I've seen it."

Silence filled the trailer after that, long enough that Jensen raised his head again to look at Misha. This was the first time the other man was in his trailer, and even though he didn't like the guy,- he didn't, thank you very much- he managed a small smile and a nod to the other side of the couch.

"Come on in, you wanna drink something?"

"I don't want to interrupt you, I just wanted to tell you that if you don't want to do it, it's fine. We can talk to the crew."

Jensen stared for some seconds, tried to find out if the older man was joking, but all he could see was a genuine offering, so he shook his head before he could even think about it.

"Nah it's fine, it's just a kiss, right?"

With a nervous laughter, Jensen stood up and walked over to Misha, just to push him into the direction of the couch, while he closed the door.

"So, what do you want? I have water, orange juice, beer-"

"A beer would be nice, thanks."

With a nod, Jensen disappeared into the kitchen. As soon as he was sure Misha couldn't see him anymore, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. What the fuck was he thinking? He could've gotten out so easily, and yet, he didn't jump at the chance. Shaking his head, he opened the fridge and grabbed the beer, before he headed back to the living room, dropping down on the other end of the couch.

"So…"

"Do you wanna, you know, try it? Before, I mean, not right now. Just so you're sure you can do it."

Misha took the beer and raised an eyebrow, which made Jensen's stomach flip in a funny way, but he was sure that it was just because he hasn't had dinner yet, no other reason.

"You mean, the uh…"

"The kiss, yes."

"I don't know man, maybe? To be honest, I've never kissed another dude before."

Again, silence filled the room, and Misha didn't move a single muscle, he was just looking at Jensen, but the younger man had to look away, because all this staring made his cheeks go pink.

"I have. It's not that different from kissing a woman," Misha answered after a while, and even though Jensen was staring at the wall, he could still feel the other man's gaze on him. Slowly he turned his head, his eyes wide.

"You have?" he asked, now actually curious.

"Yes. Actually, I did it quite often already."

A small smile appeared on Misha's lips, and Jensen couldn't help but smile back.

"For a role? I mean even if it wasn't for a role, I'm cool with it, I'm just, uh… curious, I guess."

Misha's smile grew wider as he leaned back, turning his body a bit so that he could look at Jensen properly. Slowly, he took a long sip of his beer, his eyes on the younger man the whole time, before he finally answered.

"No, not for a role. You really haven't noticed yet that I don't like women only, have you?"

Jensen's face turned dark red in a second, and he had to look down to breathe, not even sure why.

"No, I- I mean, you're… you're weird, but… not- not in a bad way, I mean. Cool, but… weird. I dunno."

Misha sighed then, before a soft chuckle escaped his mouth. Jensen watched as he shook his head, and somehow he couldn't tear his gaze away.

"Yeah, I've been told," Misha mumbled, before he sat up straight again and nodded to the script.

"So, you're actually okay with that. I'd understand if you weren't, especially after what I've just told you."

"No, yeah, I'm fine with it. We could… rehearse the lines if you wanna?"

Jensen couldn't hide his grin when he saw Misha's expression change from controlled to totally shocked, followed by laughter.

"Sure, with out without-"

"With the kiss."

The younger man's mouth was faster than his brain, and he slapped himself internally. On the other hand, a little practice would be great, right? That way, he had no reason to be nervous on set, because he'd already know how it felt.

"Okay then."

Misha picked up the script and read over the lines a few times, before he handed it to Jensen. As soon as their fingers touched, Jensen's mouth went dry and he quickly lowered his head to look at the script. They were actually doing this, shit. He read his own lines a few times, some endverse bullshit,- actually, the script was quite good- and nodded after, while taking a deep breath.

"Okay, I'm ready."

Misha just nodded and stared at him, raising an eyebrow after some moments.

"Your turn," he said, a smile appearing on his lips, but disappearing again almost immediately as he slipped into Castiel's character.

"Oh, uh, sorry."

Jensen looked at the script again, took another deep breath and started to talk. His voice was a bit off, but it was enough for the rehearsal, so he kept going. They delivered their lines back and forth, both of them perfectly. Jensen was surprised about how great it felt to work with someone who didn't fuck their lines up every five minutes, but felt bad immediately, thinking like that. The closer they came to the kissing scene, the closer Misha moved, until their legs were touching. Jensen knew that he'd have to make the move, and even though he tried to stay calm, his heartbeat picked up and his hands began to shake a little.

"...Jensen."

"Huh?"

"You're supposed to kiss me now."

"Oh, right, yeah. Sorry, blacked out for a second."

They just stared at each other then, neither moving a single muscle. Jensen wanted to do it, wanted to push himself to just lean forward and do this shit, but his body felt heavy and he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"We don't have to if you don't want to."

Misha looked at him, eyebrows drawn together, and Jensen couldn't help but think that his worried expression seemed genuine. His gaze dropped to the other man's lips, just in time to see his tongue darting out to wet them. Apparently, this was all Jensen needed, because with a sudden move, he leaned forward and caught the other man's lips with his own. It was a chaste kiss, closed mouths and dry lips, but still, Jensen couldn't hold back the shiver that rushed through his whole body. 

Misha sat completely still, didn't even move his lips, waiting for Jensen to get used to it. As Jensen lifted his hand to cup the other man's cheek and started to move his lips, just a little, Misha kissed back, just as hesitant. A whimper escaped the younger man then, quiet, but still there, and he leaned even closer, while he deepened the kiss. As soon as Jensen stopped thinking, he could feel his lips burning, his skin tingling, his heart racing. He could feel every single movement the other man made, taking in his unique smell. 

Misha was the one who ended the kiss, slowly pushing Jensen back, but just a little.

"That uh, was good," Misha mumbled, but his voice didn't sound normal, no, he almost sounded like Castiel by now. As soon as Jensen opened his eyes,- he didn't close them on purpose, okay, it just happened- his gaze landed on Misha's lips once again, which were dark red by now and a little swollen.

He wasn't able to speak, wasn't even able to breathe anymore, all he could think of was the feeling of Misha's lips pressed against his. He couldn't stop staring, and even though he knew the other man was talking, could see how his lips were moving, he wasn't able to hear the words. His mind was spinning and his body was aching for more, and even though he'd never thought about Misha like that before, it was the only goddamn thing he could think about now.

"W-what?" he croaked out, but his voice was way too hoarse, his throat felt way too dry.

Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder, warm and firm, and Jensen raised his head, just to drown in a deep, endless sea of blue. 

"I asked if you're okay," Misha said, his voice still a little hoarse, but he definitely sounded much calmer than Jensen felt.

"I'm, uh… y-yeah, I'm…"

Right in that moment, the older man licked his lips once again and Jensen's breath was caught in his throat all of a sudden. Without any further warning, he surged forward again, capturing Misha's lips once more, but this time, it was different. It wasn't chaste or innocent, no, it was heated and full of want. Misha made a surprised noise, followed by a gasp, and Jensen used the chance to trace the other man's bottom lip with his tongue, teasing it just a little.

It was Misha's time to whimper when his back hit the couch and Jensen landed right on top of him. Jensen didn't even notice at first, but when he tried to move to get more comfortable, he was held in a tight grip by Misha's legs, which made him groan quietly. He could feel something growing in his pants, but he was too far gone to care, or even to think about what that meant. All he knew was that kissing Misha was one of the hottest experiences he's had in a while, and he sure as hell wouldn't just stop, not if Misha was okay with it, too.

Jensen let his hand trail down from Misha's cheek to his neck, brushing his fingers over the soft skin there, and he couldn't hold back his grin when the other man shivered beneath him. What made his smile drop immediately though, was Misha rolling his hips just a little. When he felt that the older one was hard as well, a full on moan escaped Jensen and he pushed back with his hips, until their lengths aligned. Misha's hands found its way into his hair and tugged gently, which made Jensen pull his head back just a little. He took a deep breath, his eyes still closed, but he was more than aware of the soft rumble of Misha's voice.

"You okay?"

Jensen didn't open his eyes, but he could hear the concern in Misha's voice, which was all he needed. Before he leaned down to kiss the other man again, he nodded shortly, a smile lifting up the corners of his mouth just a little.

When their lips met again, it was even better than before. It wasn't as desperate anymore, but still just as intimate. With slow movements, Jensen explored the other man's mouth, first he was tracing his lightly chapped lips with his tongue, waiting for Misha to open up, before he pushed his tongue inside carefully. As soon as their tongues met for the first time, Jensen couldn't hold back another moan, but Misha wasn't better, because he immediately thrust his hips up. Just then, Jensen noticed that he was moving his hips steadily, thrusting against Misha like a horny teenager, but even that didn't bother him. He could feel heat coiling low in his stomach, growing bigger and bigger by the second.

"Mish, I-"

Another moan broke out of him when Misha grabbed his ass. His grip was firm and maybe even a little too hard, but in this situation, Jensen couldn't imagine anything better. His hips stuttered and he leaned against Misha's shoulder with his forehead, but the other man pushed him back.

"Wanna see you, Jensen," he rasped, and hearing his name like that, hoarse and deep, pushed Jensen over the edge and he came with a cry. His dick was shooting load after load into his pants, but he couldn't care less, because this was definitely the hardest he came in a long time. His whole body spasmed with every thrust, and he started to see stars, but he desperately tried to keep his eyes open. Misha came not long after, looking right into Jensen's eyes the whole time, while his jaw went slack and a dark, rough rumble vibrated through his chest and out of his throat. 

When the last waves of pleasure faded, Jensen couldn't hold his body up anymore and slumped down right where he was, figuring that Misha would say something if he got too heavy. They were lying there like that for a while, panting and slowly coming down, before Jensen was able to move again. With half closed eyes, he lifted his head to look at the other man, but suddenly, his eyes went wide.

"Shit, your- your wife-"

"She knows."

"She- what?"

"Vicki and I share a special relationship, we tell each other when we find someone attractive. I'm more worried about your wife."

Jensen's heartbeat picked up for a second, but when he remembered how happy Daneel sounded when she was trying to convince him to be into Misha, he figured she'd be okay with it.

"She uh- kinda knows too, I think. I uh- still have to talk to her though, we've never- I mean, not that I planned anything like that, but uh-"

"Jensen, it's fine. Talk to her."

Misha lifted his hand and cupped the younger man's cheek, who immediately was leaning into the touch, without even meaning to. His eyes fell shut once again and before he could think about it, he lowered his head and pressed another soft kiss onto Misha's lips. As soon as he moved, he could feel the slowly cooling come in his pants and made a grimace.

"I definitely need a shower. Uh… do you- do you need fresh clothes, or-"

"Don't worry about me, just make sure you're alright."

Misha gave Jensen a soft smile and brushed his thumb over his cheek once, before he pushed him back so he could get up.

"I'll leave you alone for now. I'm sorry, I didn't plan to go that far, I really just wanted to-"

"Hey, Mish, wait a minute. You weren't the one who uh- lost control. T'was on me, so… sorry for that."

Jensen felt how his cheeks heated up once more, but somehow, he felt strangely calm about the whole situation. He'd never thought he'd do something like that with another man, but for now, it didn't bother him.

"Call your wife, Jensen. I'll see you later?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Hey, I uh- I never asked you for your number…"

Misha chuckled, but shook his head at the same time, while he was walking to the door.

"Call her. I'll see you."

Then, without another word, he left the trailer. Jensen leaned back then, staring at the wall once again, and tried to understand what just happened, but his brain didn't seem capable of working. He also couldn't get rid of the dopey smile that was practically glued to his face, because somehow he knew, this was the start of something new, something good.

He picked up his phone from the table, determined to call Daneel first before he took a shower, but all he could think about for now was that maybe, just maybe, the new guy wasn't that bad after all.

***

Tag list: @sam--ships--it @green-blue-heller @foolsdreamhigh @jmjlover @spnmrvlshrlck @melly-the-crazy-coconut @professorerudite @lulu-zodiac

If you want to get added to the tag list, please let me know, also let me know if you wanna get tagged for Destiel, Cockles, or both 💙😊

[silentxoxaria]

(gif not mine)

Sweet Tooth - Gabriel x Reader

|| part 3 || part 5 ||

word count: 924

warnings: typical supernatural violence, language

summary: hunting with the Winchester lead you to experience a lot of things, but you never thought you'd meet a sweet tooth Trickster.. or should i say archangel.

-

4 - Play The Part

The boys and you had been playing your roles, they mostly got main ones while you got side ones, many of the the Winchester boys roles were entertaining to watch especially the Herpes commercial but others were pretty awkward like the one you were in right now.

Dean grabbed the condiments off the motel table and placed them in the fridge. The motel was the same one you were rooming in, but it was much brighter and cleaner.

He closes it, turns around, and all of a sudden applause comes from out of nowhere. There is a sandwich on the table, about a foot tall. He approaches the sandwich, places his hands on his hips, and looks off in the distance.

"I'm going to need a bigger mouth," Dean said, earning a laugh track that came from nowhere.

Sam entered the room, and as soon as the door closed behind him, another applause track sounded.

"Hey there, Sam. What's happening?"

"Oh, nothing. Um. Just the end of the world," he shrugged. Cue the laugh track. Sam looked at the sandwich on the table and places his hands on his hips. "You're gonna need a bigger mouth. Hey, uh, have you done your research yet?"

"Oh," Dean gets a 'busted' expression as he turns away from Sam, and a laugh track sounded, "yeah. All kinds of research. All night."

"Yeah? Hm," Sam nodded.

Cue your part and you came walking out of the bathroom with nothing but lingerie on.

Whistles and applause comes from nowhere as you leaned against the door frame.

"Dean..." you trailed off, giving him a tight smile. Both brothers looked at you with different expressions. Sam had the bitch face while Dean looked nervous. "I hate this.." you muttered "We have some more research to do.."

"Dean..." Sam said in a warning tone as he crossed his arms.

Dean looked dead ahead as if there were an audience in front of him.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean gasped just as a laugh track sounded.

Sam suddenly looked annoyed, and he walked over to you and grabbed a blanket off the bed as he passed it.

"Here," he muttered, slinging the blanket over your figure.

"Thanks," you sighed.

"How long do we have to keep doing this?" Dean asked through a forced smile.

"I don't know," you said. "Maybe forever?"

"We might die in here," Sam announced as he escorted you over to Dean in the kitchen.

A laugh track was coming from all directions, and it was starting to drive you insane.

"How was that funny? Vultures," Dean scoffed.

The door opened to reveal Castiel sporting some minor injuries. Applause erupted out of nowhere at the new presence.

"Castiel, are you okay?" you asked.

"I don't have much time."

"What happened?"

"I got out."

"From where?"

"Listen to me. Something is not right. This thing is much more powerful than it should be."

"Are you talking about the Trickster?" Dean asked.

"If it is a trickster."

"What do you mean by that?" you asked.

The angel goes to answer, but he is flung back into the wall face first. The Trickster appears at the open door with a grin.

"Hello!" he laughed.

The audience cheered at his presence. Castiel gets up, but he has his mouth duct-tape shut.

"Thank you. Thank you, ladies." The Trickster says to the unknown audience, Castiel glares at the Trickster.

"Hi, Castiel!" The Trickster gestures at Castiel, who vanishes in a burst of static.

"Where did you just send him?" Dean asked.

"Relax, he'll live... maybe," he laughed along with the audience.

"Alright, you know what? I am done with the monkey dance, okay? We get it," Dean gritted out.

"Yeah? Get what, hotshot?"

"Playing our roles, right? That's your game?"

"That's half the game."

"What's the other half?" Sam asked.

"Play your roles out there."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you know. Sam starring as Lucifer. Dean starring as Michael. Your celebrity death match. Play your roles." The Trickster said with a pause looking over to you "Oh yes! How could i forget, Y/N, your dear Y/N starring as one of your many tag alongs."

"You want them to say yes to those sons of bitches?" you shouted.

"Hells yeah. Let's light this candle!"

"They do that, and the world will end," you argued.

"Yeah? And whose fault is that? Who popped Lucifer out of the box? Hm? Look, it's started. Those two started it. It can't be stopped. So, let's get it over with!"

"Heaven or hell, which side you on?" Dean asked.

"I'm not on either side."

"Yeah, right. You're grabbing ankle for Michael or Lucifer. Which one is it?" Dean asked.

"You listen to me, you arrogant dick. I don't work for either of those S.O.B.s. Believe me."

"Oh, you're somebody's bitch," Dean taunted.

The Trickster's smile vanished, and he grabbed Dean by the collar and shoved him into the wall.

"Don't you ever, ever presume to know what I am. Now listen very closely. Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you," he threatened.

"Let go of him," you growled.

The Trickster stared at you, but listened to you and let him go.

"What if we don't?" Sam asked, changing the subject back to the original one.

"Then you'll stay here in TV Land. Forever. Three hundred channels and, uh, nothing's on," The Trickster grinned and snapped his fingers.

Then everything went dark.

[narcissisticmf]

dance with me | dean winchester x fem!reader

description: y/n teaches dean how to dance.

trigger warnings: subtle mentions of anxiety/depression, etc. read at your own risk.

word count: about 1k

As your feet pranced around the floor, your golden tinted dress flown in the subtle breeze of the bunker, a few electric fans sprouted about the room. Light upon your feet, you spun and leaped as much as your body could take. You felt free and at peace.

The music flickered the lamps throughout the living room, but you paid no mind to that and allowed your body to ease into the music of which played upon the small stereo; static muffled in the speakers.

You were alone for the time being. The Winchester brothers, along with Castiel, were getting a head start on some more research for their next hunt. You needed a moment away from the books and the computer screens.

Dancing wasn't much of a passion to you, but simply a way to relax. You used movement to ease your mind, for pure fun.

Twirling in the long dress you wore, a wide smile appeared upon your face. A gentle flush of pink arose upon your cheeks. The music and your movements erased you from reality and you were in your own domain.

When your eyes caught a glimpse of Dean's figure leaning against the wall with a glass of whiskey in his hand, you stopped your movements and attempted at fighting your smile. Your stomach erupted with a million butterflies, making you more nervous than what you would've liked to admit.

"Sorry, Dean, is the music too loud?" You stuttered out as you slowly knelt down to lower the volume on the small stereo.

"No, no. The music's not a problem at all," Dean mentioned and pushed his back off the wall, starting to walk towards you.

You stood straight and looked at him with warm, glistening eyes. "Dance with me," You held out your hand for him to take. His evergreen colored eyes glanced down at your palm.

"Y/N, I don't dance," He spoke through a breathy chuckle.

"You do now," You mentioned and took his hand in your own. With your free hand, you took the whiskey glass from his grasp and placed it down against the coffee table beside you.

Dean's lips curved into a subtle smirk as he watched you stand back up, your hand still in his own. His eyes flickered down to your lips as you smiled sweetly.

"It's easy, just follow my lead," You mentioned in a whisper.

Taking his other hand, you placed it low against your back. His eyes sparkled at your manner, while you rested your palm against his shoulder. Your other two hands were interlocked as you begun to sway to the music of which softly flooded the room.

You stepped back and Dean stepped forth, the two of you repeated those motions while occasionally spinning.

"You're not as bad as I was anticipating," You mentioned with a soft smirk.

"What made you think I couldn't dance?" Dean questioned with a sinister grin.

You rolled your eyes with a smile. Dean's grin remained as his arms snaked around your waist. You let out a gentle yelp when he lifted your body into the air, carrying you in the manner of a bride and groom. Spinning in circles, the two of you laughed and smiled.

"You better put me down, you goon!" You wildly smiled as your arms wrapped tightly around Dean's shoulders. His face buried in the crook of your neck, his stumble gently grazing across your sensitive skin.

.

"Should we tell them we have a new lead?" Sam questioned as he and Castiel stood in the room next over while watching you and Dean helplessly dance together.

Castiel watched the two of you with a gentle grin and shook his head, "No. Give them some time."

a/n: hello!! so i know this blog is mostly mbav, but i do plan on putting more multifandom content within my page and i hope you guys liked this little blurb! i was inspired to write something different and i hope you liked this. thank you for reading! tpwk <33 — angelina

p.s. also, this isn't proofread so i'm sorry if there's any grammatical errors!

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Chapter Nineteen: A Psychotic Break

Rated PG

Masterlist

~Oh, she's sweet but a psycho

A little bit psycho

At night she screamin'

"I'm-ma-ma-ma out my mind"

Oh, she's sweet but a Psycho~

"HOW DO YOU KNOW SAM AND DEAN?!" He shouted.

It took effort, but I didn't flinch. I blinked and, slowly, raised that eyebrow again. Though I couldn't see his eyes, I could feel the annoyance rising in his mind.

"Tell ya what," I said, putting on my best 'let's make a deal' face, "I'm a reasonable girl, so if you tell me just one thing, then I'll tell ya anything you want to know."

"Hmmm..." The guy studied me, walking in a circle around my chair and eating his lolli-pop.

Normally, I'd be scared out of my wits. This entity in front of me, whoever he was, was clearly immensely powerful; warping reality on that scale isn't exactly a party trick. Just by looking at the scene around me, I knew this guy wasn't Loki. Loki was never this powerful. The Norse god wasn't capable of a full-on reality shift. As long as you knew it was an illusion, Loki couldn't make his illusions solid. Whoever was talking to me now, however, had made four solid copies of himself. It would take an immense amount of raw power to do something like that. One would think that a being with this much power would scare me more than Loki just on principle.

But he didn't.

For some strange reason, he didn't. There was just something about this guy, quite opposite to the original owner of the face he was wearing, that told me he meant no real harm. I didn't want to mess with any more heads but a quick poke around his emotions told me that this guy was a friend to the Winchesters; he was fond of them actually. A part of him looked up to the Winchesters and another part felt like he owed them something. So, if I was their friend, then this entity wasn't going to harm me.

All mind reading and prior knowledge aside, I just wasn't intimidated by him. Maybe it was the cherry-flavored lolli-pop stuck in his mouth. Or maybe it was the height. I'm not one to talk about being vertically challenged but this guy was no Sam Winchester, that was for sure.

"It's up to you." I shrugged, spreading my hands. "But I want you to know, that I have literal days to sit here and not say a word."

The man chuckled and pulled the lolli-pop from his mouth.

"Well, I'd like you to know that I am very good at getting people to talk." He paused, tilting his head to the side as if thinking about something. "Not as good as Castiel o'course. Now, that guy could make em' sing. Wowie!"

The man didn't seem to be making a threat as much as an observation. I could feel my nose scrunch up with discomfort for thoughts of what Castiel might do to me if he ever found out my secret. Would he torture me?

I pushed the thought away and wiped the discomfort from my face, replacing it with a smirk. Now was not the time for grim thoughts.

"I think you'll find that I have an extraordinary talent for saying 'no'," I said, leaning forward and folding my hands together on top of the table.

"You think so?" He challenged, amused by the tiny child that thought she could beat him.

I shrugged.

"It's one of my charms. Besides, are you really gonna torture a kid?" I pointed out. I had to remember to use my physical age as the tool it was.

"Of course not!" The man scoffed, waving a hand, "That's low; even for me."

"Guess we're at a stalemate then!" I sighed.

"Hmm." The man twisted the stick of his Lolli-pop in between his fingers. "What if I were to ask really nicely?"

"I'd say 'no'."

"What if I said 'please'?"

"I'd say 'no'."

"What if I gave you candy?"

"I'd be tempted, then I'd be creeped out, then I'd say 'no'." I grinned at him. The man frowned and pointed his lolli-pop at me accusingly.

"You know, for an eight-year-old or whatever you are, you sure don't act like a kid," He said, I couldn't see past his stupid reflective glasses but I thought he was narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, sorry. Is this better?" I cleared my throat in a very mature way before giving him my best pouty frown and doe-eyed puppy look.

"Mommy tol' me nevur to take candwy fwum stwangurs," I said in an innocent baby voice.

"Hmmm. It's close, but you're still acting just a smidge too old. Maybe a 'goo-goo ga-ga' would help!" He smirked. He'd turned my own sass against me. This guy was good. I kinda wanted to punch him.

"Nah, I don't think it would work," I said, smiling thinly.

"Aw, that's a shame. So how old are you really?" He asked.

"No."

"C'mon!"

"No."

"Geez, kiddo. You are really good at saying that, aren't you?" He tried.

I didn't answer. I just smiled at him, pleasantly. The man rolled his eyes, cursing under his breath.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," He muttered. He turned to me. "Fine! What's your question, kid?"

I folded my hands in my lap and collected my thoughts. He couldn't read my mind, I knew. I felt like a sphinx of stone. Speaking as calmly as I could, I asked my question.

"Earlier, when I called you Loki, you said 'wrong religion' and you said you'd killed him; I'm guessing for a slice of revenge. So, my question for you is this: What's the name of the one that talks to you when you're all alone?"

The man shifted his weight and tugged at the collar of his stupid police outfit. The color drained from his face and all his muscles tightened. He clenched his lolli-pop in his teeth, pressing so hard that it shattered. Moving to grab another, he stuck quivering hands into his pockets, but he didn't remove them. The man raised an eyebrow at me and forced a laugh. He was uncomfortable, deeply so, and afraid of something. Afraid not of the thing itself, but the memory of it. Something was haunting him. I could see it in his eyes. All that time alone.

Using my power, I pulled on that fear.

"That's it?" He scoffed faking nonchalance. I shrugged, simply.

"That's it."

"Call me the Trickster." The man smirked. He ripped off those stupid sunglasses and leaned into a mocking sort of bow. "Pleasure to meet ya, kiddo! No, I don't answer fan-mail."

I tilted my head and kept smiling at him, raising an eyebrow expectantly. I didn't speak. The man's smirk shrank from his face as he slowly straightened back up, regarding me with a suspicious and cautious expression. His feet shifted him a little further away from me.

"What's that smile for?" He asked.

"You didn't answer my question, Mr. Trickster." I kept my voice that same unsettling calm and pulled harder on his fear, feeling it rise and crowd his mind. The guy calling himself the trickster pretended to think about my statement.

"Yeah, no; I'm pretty sure I did." He said, nodding. I smiled wider.

“No, you didn’t.”

“Your question doesn’t make sense, kid.” His voice was harsh and biting.

“Yes, it does.”

“Well, I sure as Hell don’t understand it.”

“Yes, you do.”

The man forced a laugh, but it only came off as nervous; he shook his finger at me.

“Are you a sphinx or something?”

"Only in the metaphorical sense, and you are not so clever as you think."

The man glared at me, his lip curling into a scowl. He leaned against the table and looked down at me. I'd made a wrong move; he was angry now, but I could still fix this.

"And you are way too clever for a kid."

"You're right." I nodded.

"Ya gonna tell me why?"

I leaned forward, looking him dead in the eyes. I grasped onto his fear and yanked on it as hard as I could without making it too suspicious.

"No."

The man scowled, glaring down at me. I kept my face impassive and stared back up at him. It was a battle of wills. Who would be the first to look away? Who would be the first to break?

Not me.

The man cast his eyes to the ceiling, throwing his hands into the air.

"GABRIEL!" He shouted. "My name is Gabriel!”

“You’re the angel?”

“Archangel and yes. Ya happy?!" He asked bitingly.

I smiled again, this time in a much more childish way.

"Yes."

I released my hold on Gabriel’s emotions and folded my hands in my lap. Gabriel nodded briskly. His stupid police getup disappeared, replaced by his outfit from earlier, a white t-shirt beneath a brown leather jacket, and a pair of standard jeans. Across the table from me, a second metal chair appeared out of nowhere and Gabriel pulled it out and sat. Folding his hands in front of him on the tabletop as I had previously done, he studied my face.

“My turn now, right?” He asked.

“That was the deal,” I replied with a shrug, returning to my usual sarcastic ways.

“Alrighty. You like games, kid?” He spoke the word as if he didn’t believe it was true. “Let’s play a game.”

“Ooh goodie! What game? Is it checkers? I’m great at checkers.” I rubbed my hands together in faux excitement.

“It’s easy,” Gabriel smirked. “You think you’re clever? Let’s see how clever. I ask you up to fifteen questions per topic, and you have to answer them. But, here’s the catch: You can only answer with one word. Got it?”

I was about to open my mouth to speak but, taking a look at the expression on the archangel’s face told me that this confirmation of my understanding was his little game’s first round. I pursed my lips, reforming my reply.

“Why?” I asked.

“Why only one word?” He clarified.

“Yeah.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened a bit and he nodded as if understanding something.

“Well, because I’m a professional liar and I know that it is much harder to tell a lie if you can’t provide details. You lie, you lose. And I don’t have to read your mind to know if you’re lying. So, one word,” He explained. I nodded.

“Ready to play?”

“Yes.”

Suddenly, we were sitting in the bunker’s library. Gabriel was smirking at me. The game was on.

It was time to see if I was smarter than a five-billion-year-old cosmic entity. My bets were on no.

***

“Let’s start out easy, shall we? How did you meet the Winchesters?” Gabriel asked.

He watched her face. This game was a test, it was all about the words she chose and the way she said them. The more abstract the child’s answers, the cleverer the kid was. Details of the story she was barely telling registered in the Archangel’s mind; one after the other, like lines on a page.

“Alleyway,” The child answered. Interesting already.

“What happened in the alleyway?”

“Salvaged.” Thinks herself lesser in value.

“From what?”

“Idiots.” Views some as beneath her. Strange.

“Why did the idiots attack you?”

“Inebriated.” Drunk. Why not say drunk? Why choose the word inebriated?

“Were the inebriated idiots all the Winchesters salvaged you from?”

“Abridged.” Another abstract answer. Yes!

“What else was in that alleyway?”

“Suffering.”

“Physical pain or otherwise? Elaborate.”

“All-encompassing.” Hyphenating, clever move.

“Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater! Who said you could hyphenate?” Gabriel spoke accusingly. The girl shrugged with an innocent expression on her face.

“Unstipulated.” Exploiting loopholes; perfect.

“So why was this suffering of yours all-encompassing? What was causing it?” He asked, getting back to the point.

“Shiver.” Not shivering but shiver. Why only say shiver?

“Were you in danger of dying by hypothermia?”

“Agony.”

“But not death?” This question was more directed toward himself, but the girl answered anyway.

“Enduring.” Fierce pain but not death.

“Enduring for what?”

“Victorious.”

“Why do you want to win?”

“Obligation.”

“Obligation to what?”

“Brother.”

“Why?”

“Nevermore,” She said, coolly.

Edger Allen Poe: The Raven: Verse 14; Quoth the Raven “Nevermore”

Time to switch topics.

“Why did the Winchesters help you?”

She shrugged.

“Screamed.” Simple enough. Disappointingly simple.

“Why were you in the alleyway?”

The girl paused.

“Caution.” She said, slowly. Yet she had been attacked. That was an interesting answer.

“Caution for what?”

“Harm.”

Gabriel nodded, that was a little confusing, but he was sure he would figure it out eventually.

“So, were you looking for the Winchesters, or did they find you by chance?”

The girl thought about this for a bit before answering. Just the pause she had taken was interesting, that meant the answer was more complicated than a yes or a no.

“Watching,” She decided.

“Why were you watching?”

“Waiting.” This was getting better by the second.

“Waiting for what?”

She paused again.

“Seek.” There was a secret smile in her eyes when she answered this time. She thinks she has an advantage. Maybe she does…

“Where was this?”

“Michigan.”

“What town?”

It was a trick question; her answer would have to be two words; there was no avoiding it. Only a few minutes into his little game and he was already trying to trip the girl up. That wasn’t cheating or anything; if this kid thought that beating him was going to be a cakewalk then she had another thing coming.

“Two,” She replied.

“The town’s name is two words?” He asked her only to be sure of the context.

“Yes.”

“Okay, answer the question anyway. If I don’t know the town when you give me the word, then you lose.” He challenged. The girl took a second to think.

“Ferry.”

“Was the town Copper Harbor, Michigan?”

The girl grinned.

“Yep.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and nodded, the smirk on his face growing wider. This kid was clever. He was getting excited. For the first time in he didn’t know how many millennia, Gabriel had a decent game to play, and for the first time in just as many years, he finally had someone to play with. For as long as the archangel could remember, he had loved a good game. He had always relished the challenge of solving a brilliant puzzle or capturing an opponent’s king. When chess had been invented, he had become a master. Gabriel adored beating people at things. He loved to best them, yes, but not only that. He loved to teach them something too; to show them how they could be better. But for as long as he had lived, Gabriel had never been given a real challenge. His brothers could have given him one of course, but they were so predictable and they had always been fighting. They had never cared to really play with him; not the sort of game he had wanted. A game of wits. A game of minds.

For someone who had been stuck on Earth as long as he had, things just got so boring. It wasn’t as if he could leave the planet; despite how much he had desperately wanted to. He had to stay and honor the terms of his witness protection agreement with Loki. After a while, no game on the planet could capture his interest or cure his horrid boredom. The only minor distraction he’d had was the humans.

Gabriel thought humans were wonderful things. Though, for a much different reason than his little brother, Castiel, did. Castiel loved humans for their hearts; Gabriel loved them for their minds. Not all of them were entertaining of course; he wasn’t lucky enough for that. The fact of his life was that there was only a disappointing handful of interesting individuals out there to entertain him. The archangel had had a hay-day when he’d met Einstein! (And you wonder why everyone thought he was crazy.) Though it was somewhat fun for him to watch the boring majority of humanity stumble and fall whenever he tried to teach them a lesson, it wasn’t ever enough.

Gabriel had longed for someone, anyone, even a human, he could play a game with. Now, suddenly, here she was. Someone clever, someone who knew what clever meant, someone who actually wanted to play a real game. Gabriel had seen it in her eyes the moment he’d given her the chance to ask him her question. She was bored too. This was exhilarating for her too.

As if all that wasn’t good enough, Gabriel couldn’t read her mind. This fact probably should have concerned him more than it did, but he couldn’t focus on a tiny detail like that. No, this was too good of a chance to pass up. Not even his nephew had been able to give him a decent challenge. Gabriel was too excited to focus on something so seemingly trivial. He was excited, he was high on the thrill of the chase. No one ever said you couldn’t fool an archangel, and Gabriel didn’t know it, but he had been fooled. He had been fooled by a tiny girl with the face of a child.

Another entity as powerful as he was would most likely consider it beneath them to play a game of wits with a child, to be challenged by a child. But not Gabriel. He had been waiting for a chance like this for all of his existence; age simply didn’t matter to him anymore. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t curious, however.

This was his element. This was his obsession. This was his chance. It was time to have some fun.

“Now all that’s out of the way, let’s ask some things about you. What’s your name?”

“Marty.”

“Nice name. How old are you, Marty?”

“Enough.” The girl smirked. She was good. But he was just a little better.

“How many years have you been alive?”

“Fourteen.” That was her answer. There was darkness in his eyes this time. Interesting.

“How many years have you existed?”

A look of fear crossed her face, like a deer caught in headlights. But the look vanished as soon as it came and was replaced with a confident smirk.

“Conservation.” She answered.

Gabriel cursed internally. The law of conservation of energy; energy is neither created nor destroyed. Of course, she would say something like that.

“Okay, miss-smarty-pants. How many years have you been aware of your existence?”

Marty swallowed and looked down at her hands in her lap.

“Nineteen.” Now they were getting somewhere.

“Riddle me this, Batman. How can you be fourteen and nineteen at the same time?”

She glared at her folded hands.

“Trapped.” The way she stressed the word told Gabriel that she was more than resentful of her condition.

“Trapped how? Elaborate,” He demanded.

“Skin,” She said, nearly growling.

“Elaborate,” He repeated, nodding.

“Cage,” Her voice quivered.

“Why?” He leaned forward now, waiting. This would be the crucial response. Marty looked up, there were ghost tears in her eyes.

“Neverland.”

Very interesting. Time for a new line of questions.

“Why did you come with the Winchesters?”

“Invited.”

“Which one invited you?”

She smiled a little.

“Jack.”

“Why did he ask you to come here?”

“Protection.”

“What led him to offer you protection?”

“Mendicant.”

Mendicant. Definition: One who begs. So, did she ask to come or was she invited? And if she was begging, that begs the question of why.

“What were you begging for?”

“Life.”

“Why were you begging for your life.”

Marty tilted her head.

“Guillotine.”

Her use of the word guillotine could be a metaphor, or it could mean something very literal. Gabriel had the suspicion that it meant a little of both.

“What did Jack offer to protect you from?”

She shrugged.

“Monster,” She said as if it was obvious.

“Yours or someone else’s?”

“Everyone’s,” Marty whispered.

There it was. That was it. That was the clue.

Gabriel laughed; he was winning.

“Tell me, Marty, how long ago was your family massacred?” He asked. Marty looked like she’d been stabbed in the gut and Gabriel felt a pang of guilt, but he brushed it off. It was nothing compared to his excitement.

“Five,” She replied after a moment.

“Five what?”

“Years,” Her voice cracked. Gabriel nodded.

“How have you spent those five years?”

“Alone.”

“If you’ve been on your own for so long, why accept help now?” He prodded.

“Tired.”

“What are you tired of?”

“Running.”

“That’s the practical reason, what’s the other reason?”

Marty pursed her lips.

“Name.”

“Of what?”

“Character.”

“Say it.”

“Peter Pan.” Two references to the same story in one conversation. Definitely not a coincidence. She was comparing herself to something, but what was it? What was he missing?

“Okay pumpkin, just a few more questions; then we’re done ‘cause I don’t have all day.”

“Nice.” She smiled.

"Why should I believe a word you've said to me?"

The girl grinned in a way that was meant to be friendly, but fell critically short.

"Psycho."

That response unnerved the five billion year-old archangel. What was this kid?

“What do you think of Jack?” He continued, he didn't miss a beat.

“Viridity,” She replied. Viridity; noun: Naïve innocence.

“What do you think of his parentage?”

“Irrelevant.” Gabriel had heard many words used to describe his family. Irrelevant was definitely not one of them.

“What do you want more than anything in the world?”

Marty’s answer was unexpected.

“Back.” Her voice wasn’t desperate or wistful; it was cold and hard.

“Describe yourself. Who are you, Marty?”

She had to think about this one. When she had her answer, the genius girl grinned. It wasn’t in a happy way.

“Domino.”

“Alright, one last question, then you’re free to go.” Gabriel leaned forward, his face a grim mask. “Do you have a crush on my nephew?”

Surprised by his question, Marty blinked but before long a smirk split across her cheeks and mischief gleamed in her eyes.

“Talent.” That was all she said. Gabriel knew that meant; ‘The answer may be yes, but I will say no until the day I die.’ The archangel reached a hand across the table; Marty grasped and shook it.

“Good game, kiddo. Mind telling me where Sam and Dean are now?”

“They’re on their way to New-York. They’ll be there in a few hours,” Marty said.

“Cool beans. Now go get some breakfast and I’ll see ya later.”

With a nod of his head, Gabriel was gone. The reason why he had originally come to the bunker was completely forgotten. Now he had only one thought on his mind.

He needed to find Sam and Dean.

He needed to warn them about the girl they were protecting.

When it came to individuals, there had never been something that Gabriel couldn’t figure out.

Never. Not one thing. Until now.

Gabriel had no idea what that child was.

That thought―that question mark unnerved him. That notion shook him down to his very core.

That blank space child, that missing piece little girl.

She was more terrifying to him than anything he had known in five billion years.

~You're just like me, you're out your mind

I know it's strange, we're both the crazy kind

You're tellin' me that I'm insane

Boy, don't pretend that you ain't just the same

Oh, she's sweet but a psycho

A little bit psycho

At night she screamin'

"I'm-ma-ma-ma out my mind"

Oh, she's sweet...

But a Psycho~

Lyrics from: Sweet But A Psycho by Ava Max

[orionsangel86]

Saz, please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to rain on your parade but please please be cautious! I am just like you in that I took a break away from the SPN fandom when I suspected Cas would permadie. I came back after IT happened. I really did for a while convince myself it would all be ok but now I'm not so sure and as someone who struggles with mental health, I can't risk it. You don't have to reply, I just wanted to say this. I truly hope it all goes well in the end :)

Thank you for your message nonny. I think I'm still riding on a high from it all but I do get the concern. Not that long ago I was terrified we wouldn't get a good ending. I do understand people still feeling the way I did. I would never belittle those feelings as they are totally understandable.

My leaving fandom was never because I thought Cas wasn't gonna be in 20. It was confirmed to me back in like February that he would be in 20, so I've never doubted that. It’s interesting that they are being all smoke and mirrors about that info now because Misha confirmed in a M&G at the start of the year that he was back in 20 so no matter how much he backtracks, that will remain the truth. My issue was that they wouldn't treat him well, or that after his death in 18 we'd only see him as a flashback, or that he would be dismissed as an irrelevant side character.

For my own part by confirming Destiel all that is changed. There is still a slight fear if I am totally honest with myself that it will be unrequited and Dean won’t textually confirm his love - but this fear goes against EVERYTHING. It goes against EVERYTHING Supernatural has been building on for Dean’s own journey, completely separate to the journey Cas has been on. So I have to cling on to that.

If it doesn’t go the way we want, if Cas doesn’t come back and Misha’s appearance in 20 is some weird plot point unrelated to Destiel, then I will indeed be horrified, angry, upset, and probably react to Supernatural the way I reacted to Game of Thrones - by pretending it never existed.

Right now though, I am focusing on the logical path of the story, and the meta that has guided me for all these years which has proved that at least 1 big theory we meta writers had was correct: Castiel is in love with Dean. The other big theory that everything in the show has been pointing towards since day 1, is that Dean is bisexual, and returns Cas’s love. Right now we have been validated on one point, I don’t see any reason why we won’t be validated on the second.

I will say this though, if anyone comes across my posts now, and thinks I am being smug or obnoxious, or criticising people for being negative, I do want to be clear on something - I am well aware that I became negative and left fandom spaces to try to supress my love for the show as a defence mechanism, I’ve been doing it all year. I do not judge anyone who still feels now the way I did then. At all. Even though the canon Destiel confirmation has reignited my love for the show and my faith in its ending, I can understand the aprehension and lack of trust. I also hope that those people wouldn’t see my positive posts as an attack on them because honestly? They are more a coping mechanism for me. Each and every post I have written and reblogged since Destiel went canon has helped steer me back on the path to positivity. It’s just something I needed for myself.

The only people I suppose I am angry with, and judging harshly, are those who aren’t fans at all, and who want to spout their opinions having never watched the show or knowing very little about it. Those people I have zero time for and I am absolutely not apologising for any offence I may have caused them.

I am still being cautious. I am celebrating the victory that we meta writers were right. The validation of being right has been fantastic. That doesn’t mean I’m NOT still nervous and anxious about how it will all end. I will keep guarding my heart  until I know the outcome. I’m not watching season 15 anyway. As much as I am celebrating, I haven’t watched 15x18, and I won’t watch a single episode of SPN until I am reassured that it ends the way we need it to.

[royalnugget42]

SPN is ending

And here’s my take on how it will go down, based on the limited knowledge we have. Please be aware that these are not foolproof predictions. Title analysis can only get you so far, and some of the titles are vague enough that they could mean just about anything. Still I’d like to try my best to predict the narrative based on how I would go about it and based on the vague references.

I’ll go episode by episode, include as many details as I can reasonably add, and try to keep my Destiel shipping goggles off as much as possible. Buckle up.

14

First one is pretty easy. Episode 14, “Last Holiday” promises to be kind of literal, with a mysterious figure appearing and giving Jack, Sam, and Dean the holidays they missed out on. However, I was curious, since Supernatural has a habit of including obscure or not so obscure references in their titles, if there was any other thing we could correlate this to.

There is actually a movie called “Last Holiday” starting Queen Latifah, whose character is diagnosed with a terminal illness, which results in her making the decision to abandon her boring life and live like a millionaire in Europe.

The idea of the fight with Chuck being a “terminal illness” on the horizon could be why now is the best time for these guys to live it up.

This possible reference coupled with the ‘last’ seems to say that this episode will be a sort of final moment of levity before the endgame. Past this episode there be monsters, lads. I’d also like to point out that since it will be just Jack and the brothers if the promo photos are anything to go by, this will be a good time to get in some forgiveness and family bonding for our characters before things go downhill again.

Looking at promo photos for this episode again, I’m not sure where, but the episode may also carry some development for the plot. I’m not sure whether the photos of Cas, Amara, and Charlie were for this episode or another one (since they are not listed as cast members for the episode on IMDb), but we’ll be seeing all of them again soon it looks like, and I can’t wait for Cas and Jack to go on a hunt together again.

15

This episode will be the beginning of the descent. We’re standing on the edge and staring into the void, and we’re about to take the plunge. How do I know this?

“Gimme Shelter”, the title for this new episode, seems to have a literal meaning of the characters continuing to try to hide from God. However, as usual, the title is also a reference, this time to a song by The Rolling Stones. The lyrics to said song are nice and foreboding.

Oh, a storm is threat'ning

My very life today

If I don't get some shelter

Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

War, children, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'

Our very street today

Burns like a red coal carpet

Mad bull lost its way

War, children, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

War, children, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Rape, murder!

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away (3X)

The floods is threat'ning

My very life today

Gimme, gimme shelter

Or I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away (4X)

I tell you love, sister, it's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away (5X)

Kiss away, kiss away

Cue nervous anticipation

This is definitely where things are going to really pick up plot wise. Most likely, more will be revealed about Billie’s Plan to Kill God TM. Although, the idea of Death herself leading the Winchesters to victory feels sketchy to me still. She is deliberately withholding all the details, and she’s doing it for a reason.

Something down the line is going to make the Winchesters angry with her, and she’s not going to tell them about it unless it’s absolutely necessary. I have a feeling what it is will get revealed in the next episode.

16

“Drag Me Away (From You)” has some very clear negative connotations, and on top of everything has a weird format. It could be based on the lyric from Africa by Toto, ‘it’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you’, or a reference to the song “Drag Me Away” by Melissa Etheridge, whose lyrics mention angels, and are about resistance and perseverance, two defining characteristics of the Winchesters. However, I’d like to point out another correlation.

Like I said before, the title has a weird format. The only other episode of Supernatural with a similar title to this one is season 12 episode 12 “Stuck in the Middle (With You)”. That episode was about what seemed like a normal hunt, but was actually a mission for Mary by the British Men of Letters to get the Colt. In that episode, Cas came ridiculously close to dying a painful and slow death, which does not bode well for this episode if it’s correlated in any way.

If what I’m predicting for Billie’s plan is true, this episode will be where the viewers are clued in on the thing she won’t tell the Winchesters about. The brothers might not necessarily get clued in (like how they still hadn’t realized Mary’s involvement with the BMOL at the end of 12x12), but whatever Billie is withholding will have serious consequences.

For this episode, I predict that Cas will come absurdly close to death again, because I believe Billie’s plan involves him dying. Billie doesn’t consider Cas a member of TFW. Multiple times in the most recent episodes, she talks about how important Jack is, how important the Winchesters are, but never Cas, and it feels like a weird oversight.

“Ever since I got this new job, I stand witness to a much larger picture. You know what I see? You. And your brother. You’re important.” 13x05 “Advanced Thanatology”

“I told you Dean, you and your brother have work to do.” 15x12 “Galaxy Brain”

Surely Cas has a part to play, since he’s one of the main characters right? But Billie doesn’t trust Cas, as well she shouldn’t. Cas is a wildcard, an angel who doesn’t do as he’s told. He straight up stabbed her in the back, something that she was completely caught off guard by.

I could make an entire post about how Cas hasn’t played by the rules of the universe since season 4 episode 18 “The Monster at the End of This Book”, but I digress. The point is that this episode is probably going to shed some light on the true threat the team is facing. Which leads us into...

17-18

Here’s where things start to get muddy. The titles from this point on get vague, and without any solid information about the previous episodes, these could be headed anywhere.

“Unity” is the next episode, number 17, and that could mean a lot of things. In my proposed timeline it is after a supposed revelation about Billie’s plan, so maybe they feel more unified after learning it.

In Supernatural‘s usual story structure, though, it feels like this episode will probably be the buildup to what seems like the end of the villain, but will actually be the darkest hour.

The episode following right after this is titled “Despair” and I think that’s telling. Supernatural writers do this often, where the boys make a plan, and inevitably when they follow it something goes wrong. “Unity” is the plan being made and carried out, and “Despair” is either the episode where everything goes wrong, or the aftermath.

[EDIT: The title of episode 18 is actually “The Truth”, which I believe may still narratively serve the same purpose, but now I’m more convinced that this is where the Winchesters learn about Castiel’s deal and/or something that Billie has been keeping from them about the plan to kill God. Thank you to @kingofthecrossroads for the updated information.]

Before I go into detail about this two-episode arc, an obligatory

Warning: Shipping Ahead

To my eyes, “Unity” seems like the perfect place for Castiel’s arc to reach a breaking point. If I’m right, and this is the episode where everything seems to succeed, then what better time for The Empty to snatch Cas away from his happiness.

If I was a writer, and I was in fact planning on making Destiel canon, this is where I’d do it. It makes the most sense to have Dean and Cas finally realizing their love for each other be the catalyst for Cas “finally giving himself permission to be happy” especially if this episode also contains a false climax regarding the Chuck storyline. Cas has said multiple times that he’s “far from happy”, so there has to be something huge happen for Cas to get there. Not to mention, Cas would be a sort of vessel for the audience, simultaneously happier than we’ve ever been because we were finally right, and sadder than ever because Cas is gone.

“Despair” won’t just be despair that the plan failed. It could also be Dean’s despair at losing Cas, our despair at seeing our hopes for them dashed.

[EDIT: Again, the title will NOT be “Despair” it will be “The Truth”, but I still think it’s telling that Despair was a working title for long enough that it’s on the IMDb page, and if “The Truth” contains the truth about how Dean and Cas feel about each other, then this will still be a dark episode.]

Shipping over, let’s continue.

19

Now we come to another referential episode, “Inherit the Earth”. There’s really not enough information to have anything solid regarding the nitty gritty details, but we can take a look at what this title is most likely referencing. “Inherit the Earth” is just a tiny part of a common phrase. It’s used in media all the time, but we’re interested in the original source.

I’m not sure if the episode will contain references to all the pieces of this passage from the Bible, but “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” seems to build off of the last episode, “Despair”. Another translation for the word meek in this instance may have been “powerless”, and after the negative moments in the previous episode TFW would probably feel pretty powerless. Maybe, in the previous episodes, Jack failed and lost his powers again, and that’s what caused Despair, but now he will inherit the powers that God had, or inherit control of earth.

If the rest of the passage is to be taken into account here, there’s also the “poor in spirit” who will ascend to the “kingdom of heaven”, possibly a reference to Cas being depressed and fighting for Heaven to be maintained. “Those who mourn will be comforted”, and that may actually bode well for Sam and Dean, who constantly mourn for the friends they’ve lost. Maybe in this episode they’ll get some closure on that front, maybe with their friends trapped in Hell going to Heaven (Kevin). The next line after “inherit the earth” refers to “those who hunger and thirst for righteousness”, and if that isn’t Michael/Adam to a T...maybe this will be the episode we see him team up to fight God. I’m not sure who the last line might refer to other than Sam, if you have any ideas feel free to tell me.

And after all this, we have the big one.

20

“Carry On” is referring to “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Kansas, and I don’t have a clue what it will entail. If the previous episode goes well, then this will be a sort of epilogue, with a (hopefully) happy ending for TFW, maybe we see Eileen and Sam get together, some kind of family dinner with Jody and the girls to resolve that plot line, or potentially, if the writers plan on doing it, a scene confirming Destiel.

It’d be interesting if they showed the brothers going on a normal, run-of-the-mill hunting trip, like a simple salt-and-burn, or even a (different) woman in white. It would be a nice way to bookend the story, to end on a hunt, but instead of the brothers on their own, it’s the brothers with the help of everyone they’ve come to know and care about in their journey, all the lives they’ve touched.

If, however, the conflict is not resolved by the end of the previous episode, this could be the resolution and epilogue all rolled into one, though if it were me I would want as much time as possible to resolve any lingering character questions because, at the end of the day, Supernatural has survived because of the characters. They are what people stay for, what they watch for.

Reminder that all of this is speculation. I do not know what will happen, this is just how I think the story could progress based on what we know so far.

For better or for worse, at this point Supernatural will be over. Will they do a perfect job? Probably not. This is Supernatural, it’s not the most perfect show. However, I’m excited to see where the writers will go with it. They have their work cut out for them.

[EDITED]

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XLII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Just You and Me

(9x06)

Hello My Friends!!! How are you? I'm here again with another meta from this series. This time is time for a very Destiel one, episode 9x06 Heaven can't wait.

I know is a very analyzed episode, well known by all the FANDOM, so I will be quick with some scenes, just mentioning things that we all know, and pointing mostly how the characters felt during the different scenes.

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this meta and discussed with me the episode. Thank you girl! 😘💕

Pain-Lost-Depression

I'm gonna start talking about the Rit Zien (in enochian means HANDS OF MERCY), this different class of angels assisted in the battlefield helping angels wounded to heal, and giving peace (by ending with them) to those who were past saving, wounded with emotional damage.

Let's swim now through his victims in this episode and why he chose Castiel like one of them.

The first victim was a man who had lost his wife, so, he was depressed, he couldn't handle his lost, the love of his life. He had a huge pain he even called to suicide line. The Rit Zien appeared a vanished him, into micro molecules, and the color was PINK.

You know pink represents Happiness, so, we could infer this angel tried to give the pain a relief. To transform it into happiness in Heaven.

The second victim was a girl, who had just break up to his boyfriend, and she was saying this exactly words .. pay attention...

GIRL He dumped me, Jace. (pause) In the cafeteria. In front of everyone. It's just like ... who does that, you know? Like, why couldn't he just dump me on Facebook like a normal person? (pause) I've been destroyed. Socially and romantically … totaled. (pause) I know. I'm just so embarrassed, Jace. I could just die.

She's recalling us to Castiel, and how Dean dumped him from the bunker. And she's describing her feelings, so we can think Cas is feeling dumped, destroyed and embarrassed.

So... Then... Cas must be very upset with Dean. As we will see in the next point, he is.

But now, when the Rit Zien heard her asking for death, he just gave her death, and happiness in Heaven, as we could see when he transformed that girl in pink color.

So, two cases about two people in love, one had lost his wife, and was deeply depressed, and the second one was dumped by her boyfriend, feeling embarrassed.

And if you pay attention too to Castiel's singing to the baby, the lyrics are very melancholic... Flying away in a wing and a prayer... He misses being an angel, he said it again while he was trying to calm the baby, touching his forehead...

After talking with the baby about how it felt being a human all of the sudden, he says...

CASTIEL: (...) You know, it wasn't that long ago when all I'd need to do to ease your pain was touch you.

So... This is melancholy, sadness...

But let's come back to the logic of the victims... As I said first one... Two cases related with lover lost, a girl dumped by his boyfriend...

Then... Castiel being the third victim, shouldn't surprise us at all...

CASTIEL: It's a fever, Ephraim. It will pass.

(Cas thought the angel had came for the baby)

ANGEL (EPHRAIM): You remember my name? I was just a nobody when we met, but you – you were a legend. You've been here before. This is my first time, and it's ... intense.

The Rit Zien remarked Cas was a legend, so he felt honored he could remember his name, but also, and this is very interesting, he's talking about being surrounded by humans, and Hyman's feelings SO INTENSE. I'm pointing this, because there's a scene in the car with Dean in which Case says everything is different, about feelings, about being a human. I just want you to keep this in mind for the next points.

CASTIEL: How'd you find me?

EPHRAIM: Because you're warded? The same way I find all my patients – I just followed the sound of your pain. You have no idea how loud it is. I could hear you for miles

This has to caught our attention. Castiel is in pain, huge pain. He's depressed. He lost his grace, he had to for through being homeless, starved, facing our most deep decadency. And then he had to suffered Dean's rejection. Castiel, who had learn now what his feelings were. As a human, he's sure now that strong feeling he had for Dean is LOVE, and being dumped by him, leaving him in the streets again, is a deep pain, a deep wound, just as painful like losing his grace. So, his pain was loud.

Cas is mad at Dean, and Dean wants see him desperately

Okay, now that we talked about the case, let's focus in Destiel.

Castiel called Dean for the case... And Dean noticed Cas was kind of... Weird, and maybe mad, this made him anxious, and he decided to go to that case ALONE, and find Cas, just in case...

But really, the conversation they had by the phone is hilarious. First of all, Dean stood up and walked away from Kevin and Sam, when he realized it was Cas. Looking for privacy??

DEAN: Hello?

CASTIEL (calling from the Gas'n'Sip) I may have a case for you. (CASTIEL is cleaning the slurpee machine while he talks.) Four missing in Rexford, Idaho. (DEAN stands up, walking away from the table.) Presumed dead, but no bodies have been released to loved ones. And, there were reports of a strange substance at the scenes.

Okay, we'll just stop here, notice how Dean says HELLO but Castiel doesn't, he just goes straight to the point of his call, this is the first sign that he's mad, he wouldn't call, but he has this case, so he had to. Not a nice thing to do for him, because he would prefer no to pass for this. Not to talk with the one that dumped him.

DEAN: Oh, well, hello to you too, Cas. How are you?

Dean noticed that too, and he insists with the HELLO, and he asks how Cas is doing. He knows Cas must be mad at him.

CASTIEL: I ... am busy.

Cas cut him. He was actually, nervously trying to... Do something with the smoothie machine.

DEAN shakes his head.

DEAN All right. So, how do you want to do this?You want to meet up at the latest scene? You want me to pick you up? What?

Dean is proposing see each other, he wants to work with him, Dean wants to see him.

CASTIEL's efforts with the Slushy machine are not going well. A flood of liquid blue slushy mix spills out over the machine and onto the floor. DEAN hears the trickling sound and looks puzzled.

CASTIEL Um … I've got my hands full over here. I just – um...

And this is when Cas gets flustered and the machine is a mess of blue liquid all over the floor. Is not coincidence that when Dean offered Cas an encounter, the mess with the blue fuold happened. Is a consequence of Castiel feeling nervous, an encounter with Dean is something that gets him flustered. Nervous. Anxious. Now that Castiel is a human, he understands clearly what happens in his heart with Dean. He knows that feeling is LOVE. So, isn't that easy, being dumped, get mad, and now calling him, and now seeing him again? Too intense.

DEAN Cas? Hello?

Dean is convinced now that Cas is mad at him, so he decided to go ALONE to see him.

He invented some excuses because Sam wanted to go with him, he tries to minimize the importance of the case, but that made it more suspicious, so Sam asks...

SAM: So, he said nothing about where he is or – or what he's been doing?

DEAN: This is Cas. In case you forgot, he's not exactly Chatty Cathy.

SAM (incredulously) And you're not even gonna see him when you're in Idaho?

DEAN: Well, like I said, as long as he's catnip for angels, he's keeping his distance.

DEAN turns to continue walking, now leaving the room.

SAM: So then, what's the point, Dean? I mean, it's barely even a case.

Sam couldn't understand why his brother was almost running to that "not case" so fast, answering all his questions with not very truly answers.

DEAN (from a balcony, talking down to the other two) That's why I'm just gonna go have a little look-see, and … we're not gonna waste a whole lot of manpower on a big pile of nada.

And then Kevin gave him the perfect excuse...

Dean must be thinking... Thanks Kevin, over there... Finally alone, just Cas and him.

Jilted Lover and pining boy

We know Misha Collins said producers asked him to play this scene like a jilted Lover, and he did it perfect.

We had this classic Destiel scene... Dean talking with Sam by the phone, outside the Impala, drinking a coffee, we don't see more... Till this happens...

Dean lowered his head, because he had it covered, he doesn't need his brother help, because he has Cas. And he wants to be alone with him, this gesture, he gets a little nervous over there, like... Anxious... Why? Because he's doing this... This is his cover...

This is pining, my friends, no friend stays out of the window CONTEMPLATING his handsome best friend working, like... If this isn't pining what is is then? Why he would stop by Castiel's work, watching him for so long?? He wasn't afraid, because when he finally made his dramatic entrance, he wasn't ashamed, so, he just does it because he wanted to contemplate him. Because he is pining for him. Because he contemplates the man he loves. People that are in love do that. Period.

When Dean appears in front of Cas, Castiel's fav is priceless. He's surprised, but it seems like of his heart just gave a jump! Like OMG! HE'S HERE! WHY?

Look at the deception in Dean's face, again Cas is not saying him hello. And he was waiting for a better response. But, okay, Cas is mad, some maybe not a good response, but at least a HI.

After this, Castiel gets mad again because Dean is disappointed to find him working there and not hunting. Cas names the whole situations he had to go through, because he can't believe Dean shows up as if dumping him from the bunker was nothing...

CASTIEL: My Grace is gone. What did you expect? Do you have any idea how hard it was? When I fell to earth, I didn't just lose my powers. I – I had nothing. Now... I'm a sales associate (proudly)

Castiel is proud, he's showing Dean LOOK HOW I GOT THIS WITHOUT YOUR HELP. I DID IT BY MYSELF.

But Dean doesn't want this for Cas and mostly, he needs him back with him, even if it has to be just for one case. So he will try to convince him, just like the old times.

Then... Nora enters in the scene. At first Dean made his wtf and jealous face when he sees the heart eyes. And then he plays the NO HOMO BUDDY right there.

Trying to get some info, and the result is Cas has a date!

Flirting

After recognize the case was about a Rit Zien, Dean wants him to be aboard with him to stop the angel... But Castiel says this...

CASTIEL: But he just got here. The ebb and flow of human emotion – Dean, I've been on earth for a few years, and I've only begun to grasp it. To him, pain is pain.

And then this...

That's why I said before keep in mind the INTENSE word about Human's feelings. Cas is getting now what is this all about. He's getting know the intensity of the feelings... Love, hate, pain, depression, sadness, joy. He is experiencing all of them. That's why I truly believe he understood what he felt for Dean.

I readed once @amwritingmeta post about this scene here, and the second meaning of I NEED A RIDE and the face Dean made... And I laughed so hard, because she showed in that post the wishfully and lustful face Dean showed. Priceless. Pay attention... When Cas says I NEED A RIDE, Dean's imagination was... To... Where? Cas having a good ride? By whom? Him? Okay. Too hilarious, but Jensen did it. Jensen made that face in Dean's skin... Dirty pining boy for his ex hot angel.

Then he turned to Cas to see if he realized what he had just Sayed, and of course he doesn't!

So... Second meaning for flirting... Is not gonna work Dean...

Tony Manero

When Cas and Dean were in the car, and Castiel was about to get out on his date, Dean says this words that generally are used when someone who's in love with the person is about to having a date with a third one, says to stop him. And our hearts stopped right there... But Dean Winchester made it NO HOMO again, talking about the wardrobe.

Even Cas has a hint of hopes in his eyes, why Dean would choose those words right there? Because he was feeling like that, he was still flirting with him, he was jealous, and he didn't want to let the angel go. But his repressed feelings won't let him verbalize it. So... He plays it...

DEAN: Okay. Uh, lose the vest.

CASTIEL: What are you –

Even Cas doesn't get what Dean wants, not even Dean knows it either...

Okay this was very gay, very. And Dean drooling face calling his friend TONY MANERO like the pining boy he is for his gorgeous and hot ex angel friend.

Comparing Castiel with Tony Manero, Made us go to that movie immediately, and to one scene in the car between John Travolta (Tony Manero) and his friend, Stephanie. (Thanks to Agus for show me the scene and discuss with me this). And I know this had been talked largely in the fandom, the frames and the position of the actors were the same like Dean with Cas, but is very interesting the dialogue. Tony was helping Stephanie to move on into a new house with a married man who was using her. When Tony detects this, they both had a conversation in the car and Tony made a jealous scene. Asking for that man, saying her he was using her, and she breaks talking about how that man helped her, that she was alone. You don't know what I had to go through. Is a huge Cas parallel, when Dean starts to recriminate him about his job in the Gas'n sip. And a Jealous Tony is compared with jealous!Dean about Nora. And don't forget, Nora was using Castiel like baby-sitter.

So because Dean was jealous... He was acting like the best friend giving his buddy advices about the date. But he was being ambiguous, like half flirting and acting gay and half giving advices and no homo. The truth was, he was drooling for Cas, pining for him... Even my mom saw that!

But let's return again to Cas in his "date"...

We saw how Dean contemplates Castiel again while he was walking towards that door, collecting a rose, smiling like a dummie because Cas looks so cute doing that. And the writers showed us Cas sucking his finger because one spine hurted him? Like? Why show something so sexy while Dean is watching? Do I need to add more here?

This was a huge romantic Destiel scene, with reference to a romantic movie, and we were witness of that!

Good Bye

Another Destiel scene, and this will be the last, sorry for the extension of this meta, is the goodbye scene. We had Dean with a half I'm sorry (because he couldn't say the truth, and Cas being so sad.

Pay attention when Cas is leaving, Dean's painful expression, the guilt and the repressed feelings... He really wants to tell Cas everything and bring him home with him, desperately... But he can't, and is so painful to him. Castiel is sad too, their faces are... Just sadness and pain. They don't like to be apart from each other... Damn...

To Conclude:

Episode 9x06 was a very Destiel chapter. We had the reference to Castiel's depression for lost his grace and being dumped by Dean.

We had a desperate Dean to fix things with his angel, running at his first call, insisting for his help, desperate for having a hint just the two of them. Being jealous, flirty, and very in love with his ex angel buddy.

The car scene with the reference to Tony Manero (a bi vives character in one of the most famous romantic movies), and the two CONTEMPLATING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE scenes, marked this episode like one of the most romantic episode in the whole show.

I hope you like this meta, see you in the next!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read my previous metas about s9, you have the links here and here.

Buenos Aires, December 18th 2019 7:37 PM

[saltandburn-ilovesamwinchester]

Soft Like Feathers

You tapped your toes under the table and fiddled with the pen beside your laptop. For months there had been no sign of trouble and just when you thought your days where getting better, a case rolled into town.

You glanced over the white Google screen at the two brothers and their friend, Castiel. The sweet, and very handsome figure, leaning back in his leather chair and engrossed in ancient lore. He was oblivious to the outside world in what was in the bunker, just like he was unknowing about your feelings towards him.

Sure, there had been many close and embarrassing encounters that you and him were finding yourselves in. Like the one time your feet thought they had a mind of their own and they decided to skip too fast, winding you up and falling into Cas' lap not so gracefully. The way his blue eyes sparked with what looked like lightning striking an empty field when he caught you and held onto you tighter. His tight, pink lips drawing in a shy smile. That was the first time you met him, and now here you are. Head over heels in love with the clueless, beautiful soul.

Leaning back in your own chair, you threw your hands in the air stretching them as far as they would go, with a low whine that would catch all three mens' attention. "Sorry, guys. I think I'm going a lil stir crazy," you laugh and sigh long enough to hold their looks a bit longer.

Man, the way these three were sometimes. You felt their eyes travel in different directions of your body when you cracked your knuckles and pulled your fallen hair into a mess on the top of your head. Stretching one more time you reached your legs from under the table and sucked in a breath when your toes hit someone. Looking up immediately, the dark haired angel glanced at you with those soft eyes and smiled.

"Sorry," you mouthed to him and went straight back to the computer. You placed your fingers on the keyboard ready to type when you felt a soft tap near your right ankle. Taking a chance, you found those sea filled eyes holding yours.

...

Hours had passed and not one person had any idea what had caused this case. You looked around at what was left of your friends. Dean had slipped out to grab food and drinks, leaving you, Sam, and Castiel at the wooden table. Your heart tightened at the thought of Sam finding some excuse to leave the room until the food was here. Not thinking, you prayed to the high heavens and anyone that was listening to not let Sam leave this room.

"Uh Sam, will you excuse us," that deep voice rushing through your ears and to your brain made you sink lower into your seat. "I would like to talk to Y/N. Uh, alone."

Oh no! No, you idiot! Why did you have to do that! You scolded yourself for the dumbest mistake you had ever made. You didn't know someone would actually be listening to you today.

There was a slight blush spreading from the tip of Sam's nose to deep into his cheeks when Castiel spoke. "Oh, uh sure. Yeah of course," the tall, fit man turned to you and winked before making his exit.

The clicking of Sam's boots down the hall made Cas turn and look at you. His smile grew when you sat up from your slouch on the chair. He noticed a bead of sweat forming at your hair line and raised his eyebrows. "Y/N, are you okay? You don't look too good," he asked and stepped closer to your chair. He knelt beside you, wide eyes staring into yours.

"Y.. yeah, Cas. I'm fine," you huff when he's hands smoothed over yours. You looked away from those eyes. Those eyes could make you fold any time. You scanned the computer screen before thinking about your move.

He kept staring, hoping you would look at him and spill. "Then, why didn't you want Sam to leave a minute ago.." his voice was shy now. "Was it something I did? Did I make you uncomfortable in any wa.."

"Cas?"

Your voice cut his from rambling anymore. He paused and ran his hands down his face. He appeared nervous, but it wasn't a bad nervous. "What is it?"

"Cas," you began, "has anyone ever told you how attractive you are?" Oh God you cringed to yourself. That sounded way better in your head.

You chewed on your bottom lip and turned your head back in his direction. His silence made your knees jump and your toes tap on the wooden floors. Castiel drew your face close to his in his two hands. He was so close is hot breath was fanning your nose. "Y/N, is this something else you wanted to add," his lips inching closer and closer to you, and his eyes held yours.

"Cas, I.. I like you. I like you a lot, and the truth is I'm terrified. I know how dangerous this could be, yet I find myself comfortable and situated when I'm beside you," you were breathless by the time you got everything out and you couldn't help but let your nerves get the best of you. There was a long silence that stayed in the air. For a while it was just you and the angel. "Cas, please say something."

When the words left your mouth, you gulped when he pulled back and sat you on his lap in the chair opposite of you. Your legs just small enough to slide through the chair arms and wrap around the back of it.

Castiel brought your chin close to him and let his left hand slid to your hip. "Y/N, I really like you too. There's nothing more that I've ever wanted. All this doubt you have in yourself.. I will never understand it. You are a good person. A good hunter," he ran his thumb over your bottom lip, opening your mouth for him.

You sat further up on his lap and closed the space between you, running your hands throughout his thick hair. His lips dancing across yours, sending you into a higher heaven. His hands left your chin and side and went to your hair to untie your hair band. When the locks fell past your shoulders, he ran his hands through the waves. Smiling that thrilling smile, he crashed his lips to yours again.

The kiss left the two of you breathless and hot. Castiel hands played with the hem of your shirt and glanced up through his lashes. "It's okay," you nodded at him and he raised the fabric over your stomach, just under your bra. His mouth left wet kisses over each cup and in one swift motion your shirt was on the floor.

Cas' hands were all over you. His fingertips played with the clasp of your bra and you were quick to cover your exposed self. "Don't hide from me, honey. You're perfect in every way. You put every angel in heaven to shame," he whispered against your lips and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "I love you just the way you are."

You were quick to take his coat off, asking the same question he just asked you. Once he fiddled with the tie around his neck he slid it over you hair and past your ears. Where it had been tight and snug around him, it fell loose around you. "For good measure," Cas' laugh boomed throughout the room and he pulled you closer to him using the thin fabric.

His lips were so soft. Like they were made to fit with yours. He didn't break the kiss when you had his thin button shirt over his shoulders. You looked down to him when his shirt joined yours on the floor. You dragged your nails from his chest to the belt buckle. "I got this, honey," Cas kissed your cheek and snapped his fingers and both of your pants were gone, leaving you nude to the world around you.

You sat up again positioning yourself on his cock until he was buried deep inside you. Your walls stretched to the max and you saw stars when he started thrusting into you. Castiel pulled you down by his tie again cupped your breast into his hands. "So good, Y/N," his voice was rough and scratchy from his heavy breathing.

"Cas," you moaned in the crook of his neck, "This is too much." You found the spot you had been search for just to hear him say your name again. Your sucked just below his jawline and scratched your nails along his shoulders.

"So close, sweetheart. Come for me," he ordered. His flexed once more and had you coming down from your high.

"You too, Cas. Please," you begged and he thrust once more. The chair rocked and the lights flickered after he spilled into you. Your two sweaty bodies stuck together and he wrapped his arms around you.

The two of you were caught up in one another you couldn't hear Dean come inside. "Okay, food's he..," he cut short when he saw his two best friends naked in his dining room. "Seriously, guys?"

You laughed and blushed when Cas held onto you tighter, trying to cover your bodies. "Hey, Dean," you laughed and turned over your shoulders to see his best features turn different colors.

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Well, that's it guys! I hope you like this thing. I've been feeling it for a while now. All mistakes are mine. Please like, comment, share your little hearts out. ❤💋

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