#i'm mentally ill if you couldn't tell

[furiousgoldfish]

me internally: I keep acting like everything is okay in front of others, and hiding my true feelings and state of mind. It's chafing on me and making me feel alone and frustrated at the lack of understanding. Maybe I should speak up and express myself more.

me: Hey, I know I act normal but in reality I am anxious and worried most of the time, and also in pain and re-living past memories and scared there won't be a future for me. I wasn't trying to hide it but I feel compulsed to act like everything is normal.

other people: stop thinking and feeling like that and be normal already. nobody wants to hear this

me: oh.

[derangedanomaly]

... It's true..

(The pic is from Google idk the credits-

AND HANDS ARE SO COOL)

Augh.... don't do this to me right now Kris... I can feel my sins crawling on my back watching this picture......

[crowreys-wormstache]

Ylfa staying at the grandmother's house and waiting and waiting and waiting because the woodsman is supposed to come. An adult should save this child. An adult should be the one to do a horrible thing you cannot come back from so that the child wouldn't have to, so that she could keep her innocence, her childhood, for a little longer. Ylfa being forced to come to terms with the fact that no one is coming and she has to save herself or die. Having the choice between dying and doing something so awful it will be the death of her current self anyway. Ylfa having to give up who she is in order to be anyone at all. Ylfa having to grow up too fast too soon because there is no other way.

[headphonemouse]

vent post sorry so sorry i'm having a Bad Time

psyched myself up to buy a new bed but when i announced my plans for the weekend my sibling's like 'are you sure you wanna buy a new bed?' like damn killed the hype immediately. i don't wanna buy a bed i don't wanna go anywhere i'll just keep using the bed that we all cycled through growing up that hasn't been replaced in a decade+ with no bedframe and only one sheet that fits.

"are you sure you want-" I need a new bed. This isn't a matter of wanting. i don't want to think about where to get the best deals or which store has a delivery service or the logistics of hauling that thing into my room or where to get rid of the old one i'm sick of sleeping on a mattress on the floor. don't make this ordeal more complicated than it has to be.

[mad-hunts]

[depresseddepot]

going to be absolutely haunted by every heart a doorway by seanan mcguire for the rest of my life i think

[mychemical-gremlin]

the proxy i'm using on my school computer refuses to load Instagram AT ALL

i'm about to cry guys. if my parents don't go to bed and I can't take the functional computer....

[chqnified]

When your doctor says he'll prescribe ypu stronger painkillers for your chronic joint pain, but he lies and prescribed you antidepressants. He claims there's no side effects but when you read the instructions there's a WHOLE LIST of side effects

[aweirdbugcreature]

Felt cute, might punch a wall later 🥰😋

[binch-i-might-be]

my hitherto temporary work contract has now become permanent. yaaaay.

[pierswife]

Me lately--

[redysetdare]

I never know how to answer questions about myself. I just learned to answer how people like most the time. Like when someone asks "How are you?" I just say "fine" or "I'm alright" as an instinct even if I'm not doing good. I can't say I'm good. I can't really tell if I am. I can't say bad because no one wants to hear that and that's not a conversation I want to have anyways. and if I say "I don't know" they get upset because I should know. I don't know how to explain that I don't. I don't know how to explain how it feels like there's nothing there most the time. it's just Empty? numb? i have no idea.

It gets worse when people ask me to describe myself. Describe my likes and dislikes. Describe my personality and who I am. I don't feel like I have a personality. I act how people expect me to. I try to act in a way that makes me as tolerable as possible. I feel like overall I'm not likable. I don't know why, I just know if I act certain ways people get upset and if people get upset it means I'm doing something bad or wrong. I feel like I don't have a personality. I don't know what I am. People say I'm nice. they say I'm polite. But people still don't like me. I try to avoid making people upset because being disliked means I'm bad, right? I feel like maybe I'm just inherently bad but I can't fix it because I don't know whats wrong with me and I don't know who I am. The only thing I know is that I want to be a good person. I'm scared that I'm actually awful and evil and nothing I do will fix it. I don't know what I want out of life. I don't know who I am or want to be. I feel like I'm just existing and that doesn't feel like enough but it's all i know how to do.

[thethingything]

our brain's apparently decided it's time to have a lot of emotions about long distance friendships and people we don't hear from anymore and not being able to meet up with people to hang out and not actually being able to spend time with people the way we want to

[trashycosmos]

can we talk about the funniest thing of the whole experience was someome who sb me for almost 10 months straight saying they were upset i wasn't nice/distant/cold and didn't apologize for it and when i called out their behavior there was no apology from them they just didn't want to talk anymore lol

[colorfulwhisperstriumph]

NO WAY GLOW IN THE DARK FUR??? YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT THAT FR I WANNA GET IT FOR MY COUSIN CAUSE SHE LOVES GREEN (also hi this is me telling you you're cool & I wanna be friends)

I adopted this bat design from another artist a couple years back and had started the base for the head and wings not too long after. As you do with adhd, I had the project set aside for a year or so, but then picked it back up after finishing the plush bag. Knocked the rest of it out in a week!

Tau has follow-me eyes, ventilation in the ears, real tunnel gauges, glow in the dark eyes + piercings, and UV reactive fabrics! It was my first time doing the neat and tidy marking trimming with faux fur and I am super happy with how it turned out! I also found a way to do an "invisible" harness for wings using strong magnets!

Character design from OmnidadCreation Headbase pattern is from Mantacraft Studios Eye blanks are from DreamVision Creations Tunnel gauges from ItsMochadragon

[dunmeshistash]

How do you feel about Milsiril? Like what do you think of her interactions between the canaries, her goals, her intentions and morality? I keep seeing people with mixed feelings about her, some saying she's just toxic or morally grey or doing bad but with good intentions or that she's just a mentally ill and literally so much more, also with the comic about Otta calling Milsiril love for her children/Kabru as just love for a pet, I always saw people take it at face value and say yes, Milsiril did love them more as pets instead of children, did she take up raising/adopting non-elf children because she felt like none of them could ridicule her like the elves did because they didn't know what an elf was supposed to be like (and also because they were children) or did she inherently view them as less? I mean the canaries and I'm pretty sure almost all of the cast in dungeon meshi have some sort perspective on different races especially because how they were taught about them, i just think it was interesting to finally see someone interpret it as Otta just misinterpreting Milsiril, I'm just really interested in her, i think shes neat, sorry for the rant!

Ooh, well to preface this, I hadn't really realized Milsiril was such a controversial character before my last post, I kinda live under a rock. She's really not a character I had given much thought besides what I wrote there before it, but I can do my best to express what I have thought since, with sources for it. I'm not sure what order to go thru so I'll just go by manga appearances and then extras, this will probably be quite a long post

This is the first time she shows up in the manga (ch55) Kabru is wondering about what future they might have if the elves take them into custody because of the ancient magic, he thinks about Milsiril as a get out of jail card, and mentions "There's a chance they would make us become permanent resident of the elven lands." with the image of Milsiril holding him. I don't think that means she would be the one to not let them leave, since this would probably be an legal issue, and the fact Milsiril lives away from other Elves. It does set up that Milsiril is quite overprotective tho, with Kabru's reaction to her teary hug. (rest is under a cut)

The next time she shows up is in ch61 right after Kabru falls down the dungeon along with Mithrun, he faints and has this flashback

She's being her overbearing self treating Kabru's small injury as if its something you need to be in bed for, hand feeding him like he's a toddler, and when he insists he wants to learn how to fight and be strong like her, she hugs him revealing to us for the first time her arm scars, she's cleary in distress too, so you wonder "what has happened to her?"

It continues in the next pages, as she tells him to stay there, where it's safe and there's cake, and describes the bad things he might encounter. Until he tells her he will go with or without her help

Honestly this is a Kabru we don't see often, this is the version of him that is usually in thought bubbles, he's blowing out in frustation over being smothered and demanding straight up what he wants, instead of trying to manipulate Milsiril, very blunt for him. Milsiril seems to flip a switch into battle mode, when she decides to train him for real.

I really thought this was funny, the visual of these cuddly toys and this Mom that was being so soft just a second ago completely flipping into something menacing is very amusing to me. She says "I'll give you an exhaustive, thorough training in how to use a sword... until you finally decide that you're ready to give up." although it sounds cruel, it seems she really trained him as best she could to make sure he would survive the dungeon. If he couldn't take the training with her there was no way he would be able to take on the dungeon, but he could, so much so that he managed to make her let him go. I can see this being seen as her trying to prevent him from going but to me it seems more like some tough love from a traumatized war veteran in this case.

The last thoughts he has is admitting his Mom was right, "Not only were there plenty of traps, monsters, and malice... but there were times when I felt so hungry and cold that I couldn't stand it."

And he concludes with "I never once thought that I wanted to go back there. That room where I could eat all the cake that I wanted..." While I can understand the interpretation that he means he would rather go thru all this than go back, perhaps cause he hated it there, I think it's rather a statement to how committed he is to defeating the dungeon, the visuals show him in rubble vs him in a soft big bed, the rough reality he fought to be able to face and the comfyness of what his life could be. Plus is mirroring exactly what Milsiril said to him. Admitting she was right about the bad things but that he won't give up for the safe easy life he had.

After that visuals of Milsiril are used while Kabru tries to sus out Mithrun but she shows up again in Mithrun's backstory.

Here she's straight up called Gloomy, which wasn't really the version of her we saw so far, gotta remember this is also how Mithrun saw her and that she was called gloomy as a way of bullying. Kabru mostly cuts off her part in the story until the end, when she's the one to find Mithrun after he was eaten by the demon

She doesn't really care much for Mithrun as we see in some extras, and she was ready to mercy kill him, but she is also the one to spare his life. This could be seen as her thinking he can still be of use, and it's how it sounds with how Kabru tells the story, but I do think this was also a merciful act, Mithrun was in rehabilitation for 20 years after being saved, by the time he was actually useful for anything Milsiril had already left the canaries and adopted Kabru.

Now for extras... About Mithrun/The Canaries, Milsiril was cleary someone that hated the people around her. This is her extra in the Adventurer's Bible

Milsiril seems to be the type that hates "popular kids" so to say, her description says she was bullied by other elves for being so introverted so I believe she holds a grudge against people like Mithrun that seem to have succeeded where she failed. But realizing he was a twisted person like her seemed to make her feel more sympathetic towards him, that's why I think she really did act with mercy when she saves Mithrun, he's now someone she sees as similar to her, she sees he also suffered like her

Her decription also mentions she left the canaries specifically because she was disgusted with how the Utaya situation was dealt with. Yet it seems like she came back to help Mithrun with his rehabilitation once she quits.

There's an interpretation to be made that she did this only to get "revenge" on the demon since she just saw the destruction of Utaya, and that she's using him. On the other hand maybe she wants to help him find a motivation to live, she's no longer a canary and she has time to actually help him now. I don't know which one is the truth but it's not obviously something self-serving if you ask me. Especially in the context that right before this scene Milsiril admits she wishes they could have talked before.

My interpretation of her relationship with the canaries and other elves is that she's someone depressed that was mistreat for her 'quirky' side, the dolls are clearly one of the ways she used to cope with anxiety/depression but it only caused her to be bullied by her own kin, she's the daughter of an important family and it's shown in other extras, including one about Mithrun, that nobles often send out the kids they don't want around to become canaries. It's an easy way to get rid of someone undesirable and I think it was the case for Milsiril. (Pattadol even assumes her parents love her less than her sisters for sending her to join the canaries).

No wonder than that now that she's finally free from the canaries she chose to seek her own happiness away from the society she felt she could never fit into, she clearly likes to take care of children too, I think it's mean to assume she only likes them because she feels superior to them when there's no indication that this is the case.

And I don't think it's a coincidence she's so overprotective of Kabru after Utaya, it's literally the tragedy that was the breaking point for her, and he's a surviving small child from that tragedy, Milsiril cares about Kabru and wanted him to have a comfortable safe life after everything he went thru...

This ended up getting way too long so I'll make second part tomorrow about the rest of the extras and Kabru, and some other things I've seen said about Milsiril, but to answer the questions...

I don't think she treats her children as pets, Otta is just salty she was called out for dating like Leo Dicaprio.

Every single dungeon meshi character can be called morally grey because they all have flaws that in our world can be considered unforgivable, but they don't live in our world. To me Milsiril is doing her best in the context she lives in.

Who even is neurotypical in dungeon meshi, Milsiril is yet another flavour of a neurodivergent traumatized character among so many.

I believe she thought of the other canaries, especially Mithrun, as the same type of people that were cruel to her, probably because some of them really were, but that she generalized it to the point she thinks of all of them as bad by default. You can only get hurt so many times before you assume everyone will hurt you.

Part 2