#i'm meant to be pet..

[irritablepoe]

one thing about me is that i'll freeze to death when angry. like i'm shaking and not from anger, it's just that i get so cold

[lpsotd]

todays littlest pet shop of the day is ... german shephard #2137 !! for me ... because it is my birthday !!

[mumblesplash]

don’t you hate it when your civilization flees deep underground to escape the wither only to find yourselves trapped down there with something even worse. anyway surprise! i can still draw

[mmmoicca]

Getting More From Your Mysterious Vampire: the latest instalment in the redactedverse.

First of all: R.I.P. Porter "Moody" Solaire... he'll be missed.

Secondly: who had Sam calling up Porter of all people to inform him that the house are about to lose three members on their bingo card?

Thirdly! And most importantly:

Porter: Now you're just being obtuse

Sam: Would you prefer I was acute? 💅

[wishing-stones]

How would Ren feel if they got the chance to see and even interact with a bitty version of each of the boys?

Well first, they'd struggle with the concept that there are smaller, cuter, less-capable-of-murder versions of them. They aren't quite sure how that's possible, but these guys all have roughly the same attitudes as their full-sized counterparts.

With Killer, you have to keep all sharp things out of his reach. Fortunately, he's as much of a ham in fun size as he is in full size. He shoulder-rides and sleeps in pockets. He also keeps getting hold of sewing needles and breaking them into small weapons for himself. He goes by Razor

Dust's spends a lot of time sleeping in pockets and lounging where he can. He's pretty chill, but bitey, so if anyone's hands come near him who... he doesn't want to touch you... get bit. He'll also hide under hair, if he can, and prefers not to be seen. He goes by Speck

Axe's bitty is a little bigger than the others, but not by a whole lot. He's got a bit of a problem with resource guarding, but it's sort of expected. Give him his own snack-sized bag of chisps and he's fine. He's otherwise pretty placid and tolerant. He goes by Scrap

Cross' likes head rides. It lets him see everything around him and keep constant vigilance. He takes keeping them safe very seriously, even if they're vastly more dangerous than he is. He likes to pretend he doesn't need as much affection as the others but... kind of melts if you get right under the back of his skull. He goes by Chi

Baggs' bitty is a hilariously uptight little tyrant, who tries to keep everyone else in line. He is also a little gremlin who can be bought with pizza rolls. While he still possesses hypnosis powers, they're really only strong enough to deal with other bitties. The worst he can do to someone full-sized is make them a little drowsy. He goes by Dryl.

Nightmare's is a little grouch who doesn't like anyone, really, but... he's a bitty, so he has to put up with others. He prefers his own company with a book, and will happily bask in front of a space heater like a cat. If you are patient and gentle, he will eventually spend more time in contact with you, and relaxes somewhat. He goes by Dread.

If they ever do come into contact with these guys, it's liable to be brief, since... they're kind of fragile and not great in a group (unlike their larger counterparts). The playing field is more even, so power struggles are frequent. They generally get recommended to homes where they're the only bitty, or one of two. None of them play very well with others unless they're clearly the dominant one.

[sage-nebula]

There are two wolves inside me. One wolf wants to just let people have their fun, believing what they want. The other is feral and wants to tear apart the internet to source and direct link to every interview where Alex Hirsch says that Dipper is him as a child (with traits exaggerated), Mabel is his twin sister Ariel as a child (with traits exaggerated), Stan is their grandpa Stan (with traits exaggerated), and the show's premise is both a love letter to the childhood he spent with his sister and also, more specifically, the summers they would spend at their great-aunt's cabin, where they would be bored but required to keep daily journals and his would be stories he made up about encountering creatures and oddities in the woods around them. And this is all because the feral wolf is going to go from feral to savage if it sees one more post suggesting the actual core pillar of the show is Bill/Ford, rather than the found family (Alex Hirsch's own words!) the show is actually about, and the three based-on-real-people-including-Alex-himself characters in the middle of it.

[journey-to-the-attic]

I've just discovered the pet zoo au and I.am.obsessed.

NO CUZ LIKE IMAGINE IK AND BELPHIE LISTENING TO "WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY" AND BELPHIE JUST STARTES MAKING FOX NOISES ON THAT PART.

Also for some reason I think beels "woof" would be like that one meme with the husky where the humans are trying to sush it and he just lets out the most definde 'woof' ever.

Another thing,what if they tried to write out their names??? Like Satan steps in int and tries to make multuple paw prints on a paper to draw out his name in a way (he fails)

Also, it's said that crows can learn some words...what if crow Mammon (due to being magic as well) manages to start saying a few words and even starts making full on sentences. Can just imagine him flying through the window and landing in front of Ik and her dad like "feed me mortals or perish" as a joke to freak them out BC 'omg a talking crow' AND THEY INSTEAD START SCREAMING THWIR BUTTS OFF WHILE MAMMON IS TRYING TO CALM THEM DOWN BUT IT ONLY TURNS WORSE.

On the talking crow Mammon topic,what if he tells Ik what the others want to tell her?? Like "Yeah Lucifer wants you to put more Britney Spears" or "Levi wants to watch you play this game" or "Asmo says you gotta go pet him"

(wanna hear more from you tho BC I like your hcs, they're funny and silly)

orders given, orders received (/j i've been wanting to talk more about this au too!!)

i love the idea of the brothers attempting to communicate their names,, i feel like lucifer and/or satan would come up with some really smart method of going about it (like laying out books or ripping up a newspaper and using the letters), but ik and her dad are just like 'ah, what silly animal antics' and clean up the mess without even noticing what they're trying to spell out

so at first they just all have nicknames-

lucifer: peter (as in Peter the Peacock)

mammon: car (crow goes "caw!", caw sounds like 'car', ergo, car)

levi: socks (on the first morning after they took the animals in, ik found him trying to hide inside one. it's also funny because usually you get cats or dogs named this)

satan: paddy (aunt lisa picked this one - as in st paddy, for his green eyes)

asmo: duchess (ik had a feeling he'd like it)

beel: boof (it's the noise he makes)

belphie: hu (from the chinese word for fox (zhao picked this one). sometimes it's extended to hu-hu)

at first, satan and asmo are the only ones who like their new nicknames, while everyone else is mostly neutral on theirs, apart from lucifer, who HATES his

however, he still responds to it, so really it's his fault that it sticks

eventually everyone warms up to their new nicknames, but they'd still like their new family to know their actual ones

i like the idea of mammon learning speech, so yes he'd be the one to eventually relay the message!

he hops around on ik's shoulder going "lucifer! lucifer! lucifer!", and ik thinks her crow friend is conducting a ritual up until she realises he keeps pointing his beak at peter the peacock

she does switch to their actual names once she learns them, but in her head she still tends to refer to them by their nicknames, and they still respond when she uses them aloud

mammon's language would be more fluent than a regular crow's, but i don't think he'd generally be able to string together full sentences

so it's more like a "hey! food!" when he's hungry, "kid? okay?" when he's concerned, "levi. bowl. broke!" when he's snitching

he can manage full sentences if he tries really hard, but he usually can't be bothered, so he saves them for when he's serious

for example, if ik were getting bullied, he would go full fluency mode to say "i'm gonna kill them for you"

the other brothers are mostly happy to just chill (particularly levi and belphie), but lucifer gets so restless with no work to do that he starts assigning himself random chores to occupy himself

for example he's decided it's his job to open all the curtains in the morning and close them at night

ik starts bringing home random worksheets from school and lucifer will just sit there staring at them (he doesn't have hands to write with so he just has to answer mentally)

levi has a little box by the window from which he can see the tv and also sunbathe

ik brings home a sheet of stickers so that he can pick some to decorate with

beel is SUCH a big dog that he would take up the whooole sofa or bed if he sat there, so usually he very politely sticks to the floor

but then they buy him a big blanket and he starts carrying it with him from room to room to rest on (belphie also steals it a lot)

everyone has their own little spots around the house where they usually stay, apart from mammon, who is nearly always found on ik's shoulder

if ik isn't home he will stand on zhao's head instead

satan nearly always sleeps on either ik or zhao's bed and at some point his habit extends to the others, so they start taking it in turns being 'guards' for both humans at night

lucifer pretends to be above it as if he DOESN'T trot himself right to rooms and stay there the whole night as soon as it's his turn

whenever ik's stressed out from school she comes home and just plonks herself on beel

he's such a big dog that he barely even feels it so he's perfectly happy to be a big fluffy pillow

levi spends most of his time in his box but he'll also be quite happy to go around the house draped around ik's neck and listening to her narrate her whole day to him

sometimes ik brings asmo ribbons and such and he gets so excited that he does that jumpy twisty thing rabbits do (i think it's called binkying?)

asmo and satan both get the zoomies but satan's always so embarrassed about it afterwards, while asmo simply owns the energy and then flops over for pats afterwards

belphie's normally very quiet and docile but occasionally he'll just SCREAM and it scares everyone in the house

[boneheadboner]

This is about as close to a raw as I'm gonna post, there's no BGM and there's no SFX added, nor has the second voice (that of Red) been added in. But, I figure it's a good way to apologize for the lack of content (and being more active on Twitter than on Tumblr)

It's a bit old, as it was done when I was first working on my impression of Baggs, and I've since had more time to hone and perfect the cadence of that impression. So, I'd probably redo this audio entirely later anyways. But, I figure, it's something I can at least share with y'all and something that might get a giggle. Synopsys is essentially Red calling Baggs because Sonia's sick and he has no idea how to handle treating a sick human. Baggs explains some things, and mentions that he's fit Red's next appointment into his schedule. Red very quickly mentions that he's going to handle taking care of Sonia and hangs up mid Baggs talking.

So essentially, SHENANIGANS.

[sysig]

Just Desserts Pets by size (and owner)! (Patreon)

Bonus Joel and the new Bamboo cat-staring each other down:

[blagueofchaos]

trick or treaaatt<3

You get this mysterious and slightly unsettling Facebook marketplace listing I screenshotted the other day labeled cryptically as "pets", which shows only a variety of seemingly empty boxes!

Are they invisible pets? Are they small insects? Did the pets they intended to sell in them escape, leaving them to sell only empty boxes? Are they boxes that one leaves out to attract a pet? Are they portals to a secret realm of pets? The world may never know because I am not spending $5 on that! But I guess metaphorically I am stealing one and handing it to you, so you get to find out!

[sauriansolutions]

Kinda re: my last post... *sheepish grin* SO UHH. I like lots of different ships, for various characters.

Twst does such a good job of worldbuilding, and making every character so well developed, any and all character interactions end up interesting!

*sheepish grin intensifies*

Re: my last post, though... imagine Azul using all 10 of his arms to force a sick, grumpy Jamil into bed.

Simultaneously holding him down, feeding him soup, and reading him a bedtime story. While Jamil flails uselessly and tries to scream invective... but there's an octopus arm covering his mouth.

🐙❤🐍

[nolivingdudeami]

my toxic trait is wanting to domesticate a raccoon

[fourteen--steps]

I euthanized Pestilence this evening. I found them barely breathing and felt it was my responsibility to make sure they didn't have to linger. Just fucking sucks.

[aq2003]

rewatching ben whishaw's richard ii and yea i think the biggest difference between his and the rsc version is that he plays richard's flippancy/disregard for other people's lives completely straight and in a kind of sinister way while david plays it for humor

[sy5tem3rr0r]

I be looking at a person and thinking DOG DOG DOG BARK FOR ME PET ANIMAL WOOF WOOF than I'll look at a cute little animal and think BABY BABY CUTE PATOOTIE LET ME TENDERLY BRUSH YOUR SOFT FUR LIKE IF YOU WERE A RICH LADY IN THE 18TH CENTURY

[beevean]

ah, i knew there was a reason i got so irritated :)