#i'm like throwing out buzzwords

[showmethesneer]

It's so funny how most of the time when someone asks me my favourite movie and i tell them it's Atonement, they have never even heard of it. And by funny i mean it makes me want to scream for hours but I'm so used to it now that i just kinda accept it.

[zahra-hydris]

okay I think I'm gonna start avoiding the veilguard videos since bioware seems to be insistent on spoiling everything in the damn game

[engagemythrusters]

????? i literally never said that you’re infantilizing yourself . it’s just weird to see posts about autistic coded characters being UNABLE to be people in power all because they aren’t social like jesus christ

Ah, but you see, this is not at all what you said in your last ask. What you said was, and I quote, "stop fucking infantilising din djarin bc he's autistic coded! [...] it's weird how you're putting it out there that people with autism 'no like people uwu'" Which. Absolutely implies that you think people not liking being around people qualifies as being infantilised. But! Maybe that was unintentional. I'll grant you that.

So, instead, we will talk about infantilisation, and how my post was not even CLOSE to infantilisation.

To start with, we need to define infantilisation. I'll give a couple decent definitions from multiple sources, just so we can get a good picture.

1: "to treat as if infantile" (Merriam-Webster), with the definition of "infantile" being: " of or relating to infants or infancy" and "suitable to or characteristic of an infant" 2: "the prolonged treatment of one who is not a child, as though they are a child" (Wikipedia--not a great source to pull directly from, but reputable enough to get my point across) 3: "the action of prolonging or perpetuating a state of infancy" (Oxford Dictionary)

So, from this we can extrapolate that "infantalisation" means "treating a non-child like a child." Great! We know the word. But this means nothing if we don't know how would someone treat another person like a child. How do we treat a child? How would that treatment be demeaning?

There are multiple ways people reduce a child's personhood. There's the matter of cuteness, where people only see how sweet and adorable the children can be, and treat them as if a doll or a pet. Then there's how dependent children are, which can be easily manipulated by elders. And, similarly, children are often considered non-autonomous.

Okay. So now we've discussed what infantilisation is and how children are treated. Let's put it together. What are some examples of infantilisation?

Here's one: today I saw a video of a fairly attractive East Asian woman in a frog costume. She was embarrassed to be seen without the costume's hat. The many, many comments only addressed one thing: how adorable she is. How cute and sweet it is. How does this relate to infantilisation? This would be that first one--only seeing how doll-like children (and this lady) can be. There was no discussion about how "relatable" it is to be embarrassed about something, no discussion about why she was in a frog costume, not even a comment about why someone was videoing this in the first place (after all, she did not consent to this, and it was embarrassing to her!). There was not one single comment relating to her being a person. It was all gushing over her adorableness. Not attractiveness. Adorableness. Akin to the way someone would fawn over a cat. (This is a huge issue with how Westerners treat East Asians, by the way.)

Now, that subject isn't particularly relevant. So let's try another one, this time relating to Din Djarin.

In a hypothetical scenario, say someone said, "Din Djarin can't rule because it requires him to make all the decisions and he can't do that." This would, in most scenarios, be infantilising. This takes away his independence, making him rely on others. This makes him non-autonomous, unable to govern himself. BUT. This could also be interpreted another way. Certain autistic people--myself included--cannot always make decisions for themselves. I find it absolutley impossible to make some decisions sometimes. Deciding exactly where I want to sit to eat dinner can put me off of eating dinner at all if I can't figure out what I want. Not able to decide which type of food I need to buy makes me not buy any food at all. If I do not get outside help, I will severly impact my life.

So, there's two sides to that one. Maybe Din Djarin couldn't make decisions for himself (he can, but again, hypothetical). That would be just fine. Now, would it be great in a leadership position? No, not really. I wouldn't be able to be in a leadership position because of this. I need directions, very specific ones.

When does it become infantilisation, then? If lack of independence means just that someone needs help sometimes (or a lot of the time! or even all of the time!!), where's the line between "help" and "infantilisation?" The answer is: intent and generalisation.

In the case of intent, infantalisation (in this hypothetical scenario) is that "he should not be allowed to rule as Mand'alor because he is too stupid to make decisions for himself." This implies negotive connotations to the inability to make decisions always. Lack of intelligence is not inherently bad. Lack of decision-making skills is not inherently bad. Not being able to lead is not inherently bad. BUT when the implication is that all of these things ARE bad, that's when it becomes infantilisation. He can't do anything; thus, we consider him childish (and we consider children useless). The intent is to harm and demean. (Non-infantilisation--aka viewing him as the adult and person he is--would be saying "he shouldn't be Manda'lor because he needs help in a way that would be counterintuitive to himself" because it would be, in this hypothetical, detrimental to expect him to constantly decide. This is acknowleging his limits and respecting his boundaries. That's never, ever a bad thing.)

In the case of generalisation, infantilisation would be, "autistic people should never rule." This is based off stereotype. And, while stereotype does indeed come from the fact that some people DO fit that stereotype, we can all acknowledge and accept that treating every single person in one category as if they fit that is WRONG. So, to generalise that all autistic people cannot rule, even though some truly couldn't (people with high support needs do exist!! we low support need autistics can't ignore them in our conversations. they can't always add themselves to the conversations like we can), would be stripping every single autistic of their identity. Making everyone of any minority out to be the same is removing identity. Meaning, stripping them of their autonomy and personhood.

That's infantilisation.

Here is why my post is absolutely not infantilisation.

My post states that Din Djarin should not rule over all of Mandalore because he "literally wants nothing to do with people a good two-thirds of the time. Man likes his son and that’s about it." Does this "cutesify" him beyond acknowledging his personhood? Nope! Does this strip him of dependence, either in intent or generalisation? Nope! Does this remove his autonomy, again in either intent or generalisation? Nope!

I also said that "this guy fuckin loves his job and he’d get way fuckin agitated if he couldn’t shoot someone down every few days" which... definitely implies a lot of competency. That is completely the antithesis of infantilisation. So, cutesifying, stripping independence, removing autonomy? Definitely nope.

What I have said can be summed up, in a rather basic and nuance-less definition, is that Din Djarin is too much of a "lone-wolf" trope sort of guy to be governing people all the time. Aka. He would be tired of people. Aka. Need for independence. Aka. Autonomous. And like... where's cutsey in that?

And even the comment on "He’d end every day crying himself to sleep. Either that or staring at the ceiling so hard it collapses on him and he never has to get up again." Again. No cutsey. No dependency. No non-autonomy. The closest I can get to thinking how this would relate to infantilisation is that I said "cry" which is something children do indeed do. But so do adults. Everyone can cry. There's no age limit to crying. ESPECIALLY if you're mentally exhausted all of the time.

Maybe you think the tag "man is so full of autism" is generalisation? That one I guess I can see if you misinterpret it. And maybe you did! Messages can get mixed--I again grant you this. It was not intended to be a generalisation. It was, in fact, based on ME. MY autism. and how it can QUITE OFTEN look like how DIN DJARIN acts. I don't like being around people for very long. He doesn't seem to either. I can make a veeery detailed post on this (which would also literally elaborate further on what the original post said) but that is neither here nor there. You misunderstood. That's okay. Move on.

BUT. Now that we've cleared up there is NO INFANTILISATION IN MY POST, let's clarify what YOU think I said.

You think I said that "autistic people are unable to be in power." This is not what I said. We've just covered the entire post, so I think you can see where I did not, in any case, say this. I said Din Djarin would not want to be in power, because it would be awful for him. There's NOTHING about ability in there. I did not say he couldn't. Nowhere! Not once! He's a very capable man--which I did indeed connote later!

So. NOT ONCE DID I EVER INFANTILISE DIN DJARIN'S AUTISTIC-CODED, BESKAR'GAM-CLAD SELF.

What you have done is taken a well-founded opinion I have (which I am still fully willing to back up with canon proof) and twisted it up because You. Didn't. Agree.

You don't HAVE to agree with me. You can think he'd be well-off in that position. Good for you. We all deserve opinions.

But you do NOT get to throw "infantilisation" around at A DISABLED PERSON like a fucking buzzword just because YOU DID NOT AGREE.

Sit on this. Reflect. And next time you find something you don't agree with. Remember your literature classes, rather than making a baseless "call out" on anon on the fucking internet.

[wickedhawtwexler]

my gaydar is so-so but my adhd-dar has not been wrong yet

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[velvetvexations]

I'm now going to talk about something that's unpleasant, but must be dealt with. I recieved multiple anons on the subject but am not going to post them to limit the extent to which this is official drama and because it'd be very repetitive.

Yesterday, I reblogged an addition to my post from prismatic-bell and literally within the minute got an ask about me reblogging from a Zionist. This was irritating both because I was expected to vet someone who reblogged my post and because I found it to be a very unhelpful ask throwing a buzzword at me without further elaboration. I've definitely seen people be Weird As Fuck about Jews under the cover of accusing them of being "Zionists," which tracks with the word's history because before October 7th that was a word, at least in the West, exclusively used as a Nazi dogwhistle. We really desperately need something else to call people who support Israel's government.

But other people have pointed me to xir saying genuinely awful things about Palestinians, and being strongly supportive of the Israeli government and IDF. This is unconscionable to me. I do not generally block anyone except for practical reasons like spam or fite-club being a dick to people in my replies, but in having reached out to xir over the fact I was getting people accusing xir of vague things, xi blocked me anyway.

To reiterate my stance on Israel, while I don't believe Hamas has ever done anything but cause further harm, I have hated the oppressors and murderers of Palestinians since most of the people currently protesting them in the West were eligible for a driver's license.

Having said that, I ask that you please not expect me to know the political stances of everyone on Tumblr, and in the future give me more to work with than "why are you reblogging from [x]?". This is especially necessary when it comes to people who may or may not actually be "Zionists."

[olderthannetfic]

I always see people who have never been antis, talking about/questioning how some antis even ARE antis when you look at their taste in media - ie the ever famous joke of "Hannigram is #problematique" "but it's a show where he eats people" or whatever.

I thought I'd weigh in as someone who could, hypothetically, be called an ex-anti (which, thankfully, nothing ever really came out of it - it was just very 2014 keyboardwarrior-esque behavior of me being a chronically online young adult who would share posts in a group chat making fun of certain shippers, or reblog posts about how 50shades is The Most Problematic Media Ever to exist -- basically I was an anti with anti-lines of thoughts, but i never, like, a ran a Shipping Discourse Blog or whatever)

For me, personally, it was a few different things. I can now see how it's incredibly hypocritical that teenaged me shipped Light/L, while still thinking that Dramione was Bad And Abusive. It ultimately boiled down to a) being pretentious, and b) just not understanding media or what proshippers REALLY believed, with a side of c) not realizing that nuance exists. like i was pretty late to join tumblr, I think I immigrated here during PEAK "yourfaveisproblematic" era which definitely did have an impact on my opinions and my tastes.

to elaborate, a.) being pretentious. i mean this one just kinda goes without saying. "I engage in media in a way more intellectual way than you do, don't you know that? You're a filthy and disgusting person who writes Snape/Hermione because you're an actually disgusting pedophile IRL who would probably date your own student that you're abusing if you could. Meanwhile, I'm a very smart, good, and pure person. When I read Uncle Vernon/Harry, I'm doing it in a G-d honoring whump way that clearly condemns abuse, incest, and rape. Unlike YOU who only writes harmful stuff as a way to get people off :/"

(as an aside, i think this line of thinking will ALWAYS be present in fandom and popculture in some way, sadly. ie the recent trend of people hating on booktok bc the books are 'trashy' and how these porn addicts should read real classic literature instead.)

as for b.), not understanding media - i cannot emphasize enough that i was GENUINELY stupid and disconnected enough to think that proshippers REALLY WERE pro-All Of The Degenerate Dead Doves That They Wrote.

why did i feel this way? why did i understand that Lolita clearly isnt pro-pedophilia, but for some reason i thought that someone shipping weecest was? well, first of all, i think that fanfiction is (generally) seen as Less Serious than classic literature, and fandom is a fun place, so i guess i somehow thought that every fanfic/fanartist who wrote Problematic Things, especially Problematic Things that they portrayed as Sexy, really DID enjoy the thought of that Actually Happening To Real People.

and i think THIS is the bulk of why antis ARE antis. i'm not calling them all stupid - i do think BEING an anti is stupid, but at the same time, there are people who are truly smart and good-intended people who just have some really off color opinions about, like, homestuck ships or whatever. Lawlight is okay because notebooks that kill people don't exist so it's IMPOSSIBLE for the Harmful Aspects of Light/L to be romanticized! but schoolyard prejudiced bullies DO exist and are a REAL problem so Drarry is BAD (*truly completely unaware of the fact that there's 'realistic' aspects of the Light/L dynamic and 'unrealistic' aspects of Drarry - such as, for example, Hogwarts arguably being even MORE of a fantasy setting than DN is.*) I know that media literacy is the hot buzzword of the year to throw around in 2024, but, like, i really did not have media literacy.

as for c.), not realizing nuance exists - ok "nuance" might not be the best word here, but i dont know how else to describe it. like, each time ive typed the word "problematic" out in this ask, i've done so in a very tongue in cheek/ironic/retroactive way, but, like, those posts about how Everything Is Problematic, Including Your Fave ARE true. and i didn't like the fact that my favorite media or favorite person might've Made A Mistake! i need to Talk About Its Issues Because I'm So Betrayed That My Dear Sweet Comfort Media Would Do This To Me. I Need To Prove I Clearly Condemn It.

like, i legit morally could not justify reblogging a twilight post without adding in the tags '#this is my guilty pleasure it sucks that the books were so racist though' or whatever. Most people were lucky enough to avoid that line of thinking, but there was an actual group of people who felt a genuine need to virtue signal all the time, partly bc, hey, they WERE passionate about talking abt #issues in media, but also bc of a subconscious fear of If You Reblog A Singular Piece Of Hetalia Fanart, You're Literally A Nazi And Will Get A Callout Post Written About You.

and during all of this i was at the tail end of my high school experience (yes i know im younger than most of your audience, ha). i was going through A Lot emotionally, going through a lot of life changes, and lived in a very . . . interesting household/place where i couldn't do ACTUAL good in the world that i was passionate about. so to make up for the fact that i was genuinely in no place to do legit activism, clearly i had to save the gay community by arguing about johnlock queerbaiting or whatever.

^ and honestly i do think that is the position of most antis. theyre isolated and cant seem to do Enough in the Real Scary World so they have to resort to talking about how bad of a person someone is for "shipping abuse", bc theyre not in a situation where they could, for example, ACTUALLY fight the good fight to end abuse or raise awareness for it.

There was way more to it and way more that I could say, if I wanted to, but this post is long enough as it is and probably doesn't make much sense.

I feel bad for antis, honestly, or at least the ones who are antis in the way I used to be.

--

Oh yes, passionate young fools who think they can at least fix the internet if not their lives make up most of the cannon fodder. Some of the ringleaders are just mini dictators and wannabe cult leaders, but most anti-leaning types are just traumatized or clueless, even a lot of the ones who do serious damage and don't just mock shit in private with their friends.

[hexhomos]

oh god I'm freaking out now. I did not watch the leaks, but I had read some (similar) opinions and choose to ignore it because I don't trust the general media analysis capabilities of like 70% of tumblr. But I do trust you and I like reading your vikjayce and doomreed thoughts... is it really that bad? Isn't there anything salvageable?

Don't click readmore if you don't want vague spoilers.

I genuinely have no emotional investment in much, if not majority of what happens in s2. Maybe this is because I'm an industryperson and not exactly awed by the idea of 'inversion' for pointless inversion's sake, maybe because the past year of publicly televised USA-backed genocides have made arcane's fraught politics more detestable than ever. I abhor how married this show is to the message that every atrocity, no matter how vile or senseless, is 'committed for love' as an easy way to sidestep discussions of capitalism, exploitation, imperialism, and all the systematically-enforced evils that make up the reason Why this world is so brutally unfair. They literally took a guy whose entire deal is building human centipedes in his basement, making weapons of war, and inflicting as much pain as possible for the sake of a laugh and said 'oh... he does this for love,' and i felt like throwing rocks at the screen for how stupid that shit is.

The episodes I've seen feel shallow, limited and empty in their writing; the world has a raindrop's depth. There are maybe 10 people total in these cities and everyone else is a nameless, vapid NPC, functionally indistinct outside of how they rack up morale for a certain character. The animation is still kinetic, the music videos are still certainly a big part of the flashing lights, but i feel nothing for any of the characters onscreen except for contempt or mild disinterest.

It feels like a first draft put to animation. It's to the point where i believe season 1 should have closed without continuation and let You decide how the uncertainties pan out. (Have you ever seen Wicked? Do you know how everyone tells you that it completely falls apart in the second act so best pretend act1 is the whole thing?) The 'twists' it tries to pull aren't clever. If you're a game fan, you're left confused as to why some of this shit is included in this show and not some other region's show, if you know nothing of the game, you're going to be namedropped on lore buzzwords that get little explanation, give you no reason to care, but are placed as if they are a big deal anyway. Kind of feels like you're cheating both demographics. Parts of this season feel like backdoor pilots to greenlight a Noxus show -- the region who most thrives in the edgy aesthetics of cool awesomesauce grimdark fantasy imperialism -- and i just want all of these characters to die. But they end up getting all of the sob-story justification screentime while the poor people are either stupid kids or drug addicts. every single main undercity character is a drug addict of some kind, war-on-terror propaganda style, and the one who isn't has been surgically removed from the plot for majority of the runtime. I have to laugh.

The things some people were looking forward to - the gay romances, the gay divorces - will probably make more than a few fans go on to say threats of terrorism, but i still felt like i could see right through the script's flaccid bullshit. You're not getting a rise out of me like this. You barely fucking tried.

'Salvageable' is a dangerous word around me I'm notoriously obsessed with taking shit that sucks and recycling it to see if it can be improved like 'there is always hope' and all that gushy heart bullshit but like... that is between you and god. that is magic that happens inside your mind. it's work that you put into it, and that I predict people will be putting into it, out of their own volition. Or as a way to ignore what just happened.

[copperbadge]

lightwit

I love your mindfulness posts. I personally hate the concept of mindfulness with a passion because to me that's just normal being human and using your effing brain properly, but as an educator I have had to accept the fact that manymany people do not in fact have much self awareness and actually do benefit from this mumbojumbo. So, I am so glad I am not the only one struggling out here. 😜

I hope it's okay if I pop this into its own post because it actually gets at something I'm contending with. So, in order to get my research lined up and my thoughts in a row for therapy I turned all this research into a powerpoint called "Doing A Stupid Powerpoint For My Stupid Mental Health". And one of the slides in it is titled "Mindfulness: Petition To Rename It".

Mindfulness, as a term, is uselessly broad; it's such a bad way to identify a category of treatment/behavior that there appears to be an entire subgenre of scientific papers that work to create a framework of what Mindfulness actually is -- I read at least three papers, all published in the last ten years, that are like "What is Mindfulness in a useful sense?" and all of them had different answers. And because Mindfulness is now a buzzword, if you're researching it then you're likely to run into everything from scholarly articles to pop journalism to clickbait, to both harmless and genuinely dangerous peddlers of quack science. And sometimes the quack scientists are also publishing scholarly articles where they've just been p-hacking.

So I'm inclined to agree that mindfulness is mostly nonsense, but that's a problem with the term, not what falls underneath it. There are therapeutic modes that call themselves mindfulness that actually are rooted in real science. I think these should probably have a new name, like Therapeutic Awareness or something, but it'd just get co-opted back into the woo, I have a feeling.

So there's a lot of nonsense, but the goal of being present in the moment and self-aware isn't an idle one; there's an increasing body of knowledge suggesting that it's a foundational skill for emotional regulation and healthy coping. The scholarship goes way beyond "mindfulness arises from Buddhist practice" which if I have to read one more time I'm gonna throw stuff. Clinical testing is looking at things like physiological responses to mindfulness behaviors that have nothing to do with what's going on in your conscious mind. There's some woo surrounding "Coherent Breathing" and I don't trust the foremost proponent of it as far as I can throw him, but he didn't invent it, and testing shows that people trained in and practicing Coherent Breathing have better focus and can, to an extent, lower the level of stress hormone in their body. "Positive affect" (happy emotions) didn't rise, but "Negative affect" (sadness, anger, stress etc) was lowered.

A lot of what's being studied on a clinical level involves us as humans somehow activating shit in our nervous system that we have no conscious control over, the same way we develop muscle memory by doing a task repeatedly. That has measurable value for the issues I'm trying to solve, but it's not universally applicable, which is another reason so much of mindfulness comes across as junk science, because it tries to tell us that it's a cure-all when it isn't.

But there's reason to believe that if you can reroute your nervous system when you're starting to become upset, you can short-circuit maladaptive reactions and prevent it from causing a spiral or an over-reaction or similar, and some practices called mindfulness can train for that. And that's my goal, so I'm willing to rummage in the garbage for the gold.

[theerurishipper]

Just saw a post that said Adrien is a love bomber... are we really throwing buzzwords around for the sake of salting on Adrien, the abuse victim? Love bombing is an emotional manipulation tactic, and it is usually paired with the cycle of abuse. Adrien is not abusive. He is not emotionally manipulating Marinette. He is showing her affection. I guess we're demonizing showing our loved ones any sort of affection now...

Yeah fr, people will throw around all kinds of words istg. This is the definition of love bombing:

Love bombing is a tactic in which someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection with the intent to manipulate you. Although being showered with "love" can seem positive at the beginning of a romantic relationship, love bombing can lead to gaslighting and abuse. Psychologists caution it might be a tactic used by a narcissist or sociopath in an attempt to control you.

Anyways, Adrien doesn't do this. In fact, this is what Gabriel does to Adrien. From this article:

In a relationship with a pathological predator, love bombing is combined with intermittent reinforcement to create a sense of instability and longing in the victim. Intermittent reinforcement (in the context of psychological abuse) is a pattern of cruel, callous treatment mixed in with periodic affection. The abuser hands out rewards such as affection, a compliment, or gifts sporadically and unpredictably throughout the abuse cycle. This causes the victim to perpetually seek their approval while settling for the crumbs of their occasional positive behavior.

This is exactly what Gabriel does. Whenever it seems like Adrien is rebelling against him because he is tired of Gabriel's neglect, Gabriel will offer him a little concession. Adrien is rebelling against him? Fine, let him go to school. In this way, Adrien doesn't rebel against his father anymore, and Gabriel can keep him under his control, because now Adrien will continue to believe the best of his father and will continue to try and earn his love. Another example is in Gorizilla. Adrien gets tired of Gabriel stopping him from seeing his mother's movie, and sneaks out. Later, Gabriel allows him to watch the movie, and throws in a little bit of gaslighting in there, essentially blaming Adrien for not being open with him and making him feel guilty, when it's his own fault his son didn't open up to him, which is because he's a neglectful asshat.

This is Gabriel and Adrien's relationship. Adrien stays with his father and tries so hard to please him, because Gabriel has instilled in him that love is something conditional that is to be earned. And whenever it seems like Adrien is breaking away from this mentality, Gabriel will do something "nice" for him, which will bring Adrien right back, because he's an abused child who wants to believe the best of his father and wants his love and affection.

Again, to quote the article:

As author Adylen Birch writes, “Creating fear of losing the relationship and then relieving it periodically with episodes of love and attention is the perfect manipulation.” Much like the way a gambler at a slot machine becomes addicted to playing the game for a potential win despite the risk of major loss, a victim in the abuse cycle can become attached to the idea of getting a return on their investment in the relationship despite the toll it takes on their well-being.

There's actually an example of this in the show. From Illusion:

Adrien: Speaking of which, Dad, I'm not really comfortable with having my face on all these rings. That's actually why I didn't want to be a model anymore, to avoid that. Do you understand? Gabriel: Of course, I understand, my son. But that's the point; it's just an image, it's not you! And since this image frees you from your obligations, we, the Agrestes, are able to spend more time together. But if you'd rather everything went back to the way it was before, just say the word. Adrien: (wears the Alliance ring on his index finger) You're probably right.

Gabriel even explicitly says what he's doing, which is holding the threat of going back to their previous relationship over his son's head to emotionally manipulate him. To refer back to the article, he creates the fear of losing the relationship in Adrien, and then makes a big deal of showing that he cares so much about Adrien and his future, and he makes him breakfast. This is love-bombing. And so, Adrien goes along with whatever Gabriel wants as long as he doesn't lose it. And so, he continues to do what Gabriel wants, which is to accept the Alliance rings and his image being used in ways he doesn't want. And true enough, Adrien goes back to defending his father after he finally worked up the courage to confront him for his shit in the beginning.

Adrien: My father? But Nino, he's changed, he's making an effort, and it's the first time he's coming to school!

I could go on, and there are several examples of this in the show, but then we'd be here forever. But I highly recommend that article. I just read it, and it is literally Gabriel and Adrien, oh my god. It's very informative and I think we should all be aware of this.

But anyways, back to your question anon (sorry for the tangent). Adrien doesn't love bomb. Adrien is just very affectionate. He doesn't withdraw affection from anyone, he doesn't make them settle for scraps. He doesn't try to manipulate anyone, he doesn't gaslight anyone, he doesn't try to make them seek his approval. Adrien is always kind and loving towards everybody he cares for.

In fact, Adrien does the exact opposite. He fawns over others, and he tries to earn their love and approval. This is because of Gabriel's abuse. And to accuse him of love bombing is so disgusting. Honestly, people just throw those words around like candy. But then again, I've seen what the side of the fandom that might have said this usually says, and it's usually the same victim-blamey abuse apologist rhetoric, so I'm not even surprised.

Thank you for your ask!

[betweenbreaths]

95. Quiet, baby, the others will hear.

Fandom: Love and Deepspace

Characters: Rafayel x Reader

Rating: E / 18+

A/N: Working off this list of r18 prompts for practice; am open to requests for this fandom as well. ;)

++++++

Sometimes, you think, Rafayel is an incorrigible, shameless and irredeemable asshole of the highest order.

And then there are days when you realise that he's so, so much worse than that.

You're at his latest art exhibition, and guests are bustling about. Their murmurs are loud enough that you can hear various buzzwords that the more pretentious visitors tend to use when they want to sound smart and knowledgeable about Rafayel's art. There are also quiet gasps by people enthralled by the ethereal paintings in display.

And, in your case, there are muffled moans spilling through the crevices of your fingers from where you're hidden behind a curtain in a corner of the musuem. Beneath you is a certain fame artist renowned and admired by everyone in the hall, although in your case, he's just a brat who's intent on making life absolute hell for you.

"Quiet, baby, the others will hear."

He briefly pauses to say that infuriating statement, as if he isn't the very reason you're in this state.

You're starting to regret even coming here now; you had arrived early with a bouquet of tulips to congratulate Rafayel, only to be greeted by a distraught Thomas who couldn't find the artist anywhere. He wasn't responding to texts or calls, including yours. Worried something might have happened to him, you immediately set off in search for him. You had then gone past an empty, unused exhibit in the corner of the museum, on your way towards the exit, before you found yourself being unceremoniously yanked back by an unknown force and crashing straight into the familiar arms of a young man.

And now, here you are, struggling to stay quiet while he ravages you, tongue lapping at your drenched pussy like a parched cat.

"Thomas is looking everywhere for you," you hiss, before throwing your head back against the wall when he sucks particularly hard on your clit.

"Don't care," he says, pausing to flash a mischievous grin your way. Still, it's no respite; he continues to pump his two fingers in and out of your slick center, while his thumb periodically flicks over your sensitive nub.

"He's the reason I didn't get to see you for two weeks. And you said you'd give me any reward I asked for if I finished my paintings in time."

"Yes, but not like this! We— ohh yes... w-we can do this later!"

"You say that, but you're clenching hard around my fingers." His lips quirk up at the corners once more, and he leans in closer to your pussy, hot breath fanning over the exposed, sensitive skin. "I didn't do much and you're already so wet for me. Looks like I'm not the only one who missed this, hmm?"

"Rafayel... Ha-ah!" He dives back in, lips hungrily devouring all that you have to offer, sending spark after spark of pleasure running like electricity through your skin. You're close; so close. He knows exactly what he's doing to your body; scissoring his fingers and thrusting them deep into the spot that you love, all while he traces circles around your clit with the tip of his tongue. You start to lose yourself to the intense pleasure that he's giving you, sinking down and hips thrusting to meet the rhythmic dance of his tongue and lips.

At that moment, the sudden sound of distant applause snaps you back to reality and your eyes burst open, hand flying to cover your mouth.

"Rafayel, p-please..."

Your near inaudible protests fall on deaf ears. If anything, Rafayel starts sucking harder, fingers thrusting harder and faster into you now. You can feel the familiar buzz of an orgasm prickling on your skin, and your body begins to tremble as you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge with each passing second. Your muffled moans begin to crescendo in time with your building pleasure, fingers finding purchase in his soft, wavy hair. Perhaps it's for support, or maybe it's to pull him closer, to fuck yourself on his face and to satisfy both his and your thirst after two long weeks of pining for and missing each other.

"Come for me," he murmurs against your clit, moaning and rolling the bright pink nub between his teeth and tongue like it's the sweetest candy that he's ever tasted.

It doesn't take much more for you to find your release. You come apart, back arching of the wall with your head thrown back while your lips part in a silent scream of his name.

Even then, Rafayel, being the ruthless man he is, doesn't let you go. He continues to suck and lap at you, seeking every last drop of your release from your body. He drinks it all up greedily and when you're finally settled down from your orgasmic high, he releases you, a string of your cum connecting his lips to your kiss-swollen cunt.

"Rafayel..." you breathe out, and when your eyes meet, you just know that he's not anywhere near finished with you yet.

He stands, lanky figure towering over you, and in the next moment, you find yourself being spun around to face the wall. Your hands plant themselves on the cool, hard surface in front of you to reflexively stop yourself from falling face-first into it, and they are promptly covered by his larger ones.

And then you hear his voice, low and silky by your ear. The fiery heat in his breath against your skin makes you shiver in anticipation once more.

"I know it's going to be difficult, but let's try to stay quiet for a while more, okay?"

[ethereal-feline]

Fuck it. Mob Psycho 100 mood. Lets add MHA because I'm still in disbelief/denial(?) of it being over in a week. And I specifically mean add Tokoyami and Hawks for this title:

"Fraud Mentors and their Ridiculously Strong Students"

Maybe a reality warping Quirk, maybe some esper/psychic in the MP100 world who knows, these idiots meet. I got 3 appointments to get to over the nect few days so we'll just spit ball some dynamics, ok? Ok. Going with...pre-Meta War and like Post S1 MP100.

Shigeo "Mob" Kageyama and Fumikage Tokoyami are the most wholesome duo/trio. Mob will look up to Tokoyami (not literally because apparently they're the same height at 5'2"), and once Dark Shadow comes out? 100% Adoration. Mob doesn't really get Tokoyami's way of speaking but they make it work. Tokoyami takes it upon himself to be a role model and Mob is dutifully listening. Until something happens, and Tokoyami has to deal with it the best way he can. Fun! Mob canonically cannot math. I headcanon that Tokoyami cannot math. They can not math together.

Hawks and Reigen. "LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE-" "TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE YOU SONUVA-" So much sass. So much bullshitting. Hawks sees right through Reigen and will throw some occultish buzzword he heard from Tokoyami just to see what bullshit Reigen says in an attempt to act like he knows wtf it is. Reigen will pull an Uno Reverse somehow and figure out Hawks isn't all that he appears. If he finds out about Hawks' Super Spy mission, he's cutting that shit out as soon as he can. Am I saying Reigen can beat the LOV through bullshit, luck, and charisma? Maybe. He'll definitely try. As much as he's a conman he's also a good man. Practically adopting psychic children like Batman. Reigen would have words with Batman. Reigen will have words with the Commission.

Reigen and Tokoyami. Good lord, is this a peek into Mob's emo phase? Did Reigen have an emo phase? He's gonna be feeding Dark Shadow any chance he gets if only to avoid getting eaten himself. Tokoyami MIGHT see through his act, depends on the circumstances. Might be a situation similar to S2 MP100. Reigen doesn't feel happy about a kid running around fighting crooks even in a super society. Kids should be kids. Reigen will pull a Mumen Rider. He may not have powers, he may not be strong, but he's the adult dammit! He'll kick a villain's ass! SELF DEFENSE RUSH!

Hawks and Mob. "Oh so he's like a less edgy more shy Tokoyami." Depending on how this crossover happens the progress to Mob's explosion will be going up steadily the more he hangs out with Hawks. Not because Hawks is actively stressing him out but because its a stressful situation and Hawks is trying his best but this kid doesn't emote and where the hell is his kid??? Soon as Mob mentions having trouble with his powers it is impromptu Quirk Counseling Time at Hawks' Agency. It doesn't really go well because its Hawks. Man probably teaches the same way Reigen does through motivational speeches when he isn't putting floaties just before shoving his poor student in the deep end of the pool.

All four of these chucklefucks together? You got a conman, an industry plant, an edgelord with a sentient shadow monster, and a psychic middle schooler. None of them can math. What could possibly go wrong?

*cue a building or two being destroyed in the inevitable 100% Explosion or even ???%*

[saltminerising]

That one thick skin OP back again to say this is exactly what I was talking about. My block list just got fed quite a bit today.

Once more directly to staff; please keep up telling people to shut up but in the polite business + trolling way. It's hilarious and I'm so down to watch more people get called out on the dev tracker.

And to all of you throwing a fit over having a fat dragon and trying to hide it behind your own irrational expectations and buzzwords like elegant (god I am so sick of this word) and pretty, I hope you have the day you deserve. My chubby grubs and I will thrive together and I will appreciate their looks infinitely <3

[hiiragi7]

Repeating it again for anyone new around here. I am transsexual, genderfuck, intergender, bigender, genderqueer in every sense of the word. Not just intersex. I also use neopronouns. I was kicked out when I was 17 by my stepmother for starting HRT and being trans. I have been involved in queer advocacy in both quiet and loud ways for a long time. Way too many of y'all seem to think I'm cis just because intersex is the identity I talk about most.

Y'all genuinely need to take some time to think if an intersex person speaking out about the ways intersexism is casually tossed around in trans spaces is transphobia or terf rhetoric to you and why, because holy fuck I have never been called a terf until after speaking out about intersexist shit and suddenly everyone wants to throw the word terf around at me without really understanding a single word I've said.

Having issues with the term transintersex is not terf rhetoric. Saying you cannot transition to intersex because that is a word which specifically refers to someone born with a sex variation is not terf rhetoric. Speaking out about ways specifically trans perisex people perpetuate intersexism in spaces meant to be safe for us is not terf rhetoric. Asking people to not use us as "living proof" for an argument because it's dehumanizing and performative is not terf rhetoric.

Can y'all please learn to listen to intersex people instead of throwing buzzwords around at things you don't like. It really fucking sucks to be called a terf for talking openly about intersexism, because god forbid I want my community to be safer in shared spaces with perisex people.

[huntinglove]

How to get away from antiship spaces (mostly)

Warnings: Long post, antis mention, mentions of pedophilia, rape, self harm and gore (none show, not descriptive)

Have you recently learned that you align yourself with the proship label? Would you like to get away from antis as safely as you can? Here's what I've learned, as an ex anti:

1. It may be hard, but try to get rid of/abandon your accounts where you used to interact with antis.

This is one of the hardest steps because having a lot of followers can be discouraging, but it's the safest approach in this situation, because if antis see you following or interacting with proshippers they WILL question you about it and depending on how you tackle their asks they'll throw you to the wolves and publicly "warn" people about you so people can mass report your account/harass you

This applies to anything; Tumblr blogs, Twitter profiles, Discord servers, if you've interacted with antis block them and delete your account if you decide to adopt the proship label

Antis constantly claim that they don't harass people but as soon as someone drops the anti label they dogpile them and call them "traitors" as well as their usual buzzwords to catch people's attention, it's better to pull the plug directly than just rebrand your account

1.5. If you REALLY want to keep your account because you've used it for a long time or because it works as a portfolio, please create a different account to post about proship content

If you make a new account remember to block your anti mutuals/followers from your main account before you start posting, art styles can be very unique and easy to spot similarities in, as well as typing patterns and reoccurring emojis/symbols

If there's the option to, keep your profile private until you've built a steady environment for yourself, if you prefer to keep your profile private permanently that's also a good option!

Remember, your safety matters more than numbers on a screen!

2. This one should go without saying but, please don't share much of your trauma/mental health issues/triggers with people online in general, but especially not with antis

I used to talk about my struggles and vent publicly a lot, antis would stalk my accounts and send me all types of fucked up content.

I've had people send me rape videos and threats, people telling me I deserved the abuse I went through, people would send me gore and self harm images, as well as suicide tutorials.

They can and will use all of it to their advantage, they're restless and will dig up even decade old posts if they feel it'll be useful for them. It can and will take a toll on your mental health, so please save yourself the trouble and only open up with people you genuinely trust and feel safe talking to!

You're not alone, but please don't let dangerous people take advantage of you when you're at a bad spot

3. Keep an eye on your followers, especially if your profiles are public. There are always some things to look out for to make sure your followers aren't antis pretending to be proshippers

According to my personal experience, here's some red flags to look out for:

A.Antis think that the word proship means problematic ship, so they'll refer to pairings as "a proship"

Most proshippers dislike this terminology because it comes from an incorrect definition and usually avoid it

B. TikTok antis specifically come up and use a lot of emoji combos, creating meanings for them and usually adding one or two combos that are actually known to proshippers, along with some never seen before

A lot of the time they use it to identify themselves, a sign that means "I'm not actually a proshipper, just baiting"

I've also seen antis use the clover emoji in combos, inspired by the "clovergender/cloversexual" scam that 4channers came up with, to make it seem like the LGBTQ+ community was welcoming to offending pedophiles. Antis do this because they assimilate the proship label with problematic ships, mostly age gaps/underage content

C. Their account is brand new but they already follow a lot of proshippers. This is usually because they'll follow proshippers who've been posted on a blocklist, usually in the exact order that they've been listed too

If they're on Tumblr, they'll usually keep the people they follow public, so that other antis can find and harass those proshippers

D. Keep an eye on their follow list. Like stated above, they'll usually keep it public and 9 times out of 10 there will be an out of place antiship account, it's most likely their main profile/account/blog

E. They'll use their usual buzzwords on their own posts

For example, if they're trying to mimic a proselfship account they'll post pictures of underage characters and caption it things like "omg i'm such a pedo" and tag their post with proship related tags

Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, so it's always important to take context into consideration, as well as how many of these red flags may apply.

And lastly, please remember that the block button is your friend.

If someone's interacting with you and something about them seems/feels off, block and move on

[baskeigh-ball]

Ignoring the fact that ibis had the ai paint feature a couple years before this whole ai fiasco, after seeing your post, I decided to try it out to see if it really held up. I already knew what you said made no sense, as even stuff like ai painting requires heavy human input that isn't just someone typing a prompt in a thing and looking through thousands of images and somehow still calling it 'art'. Really, it's just some weird advanced bucket.

The ibis ai paint... really sucks. I'm pretty sure it hasn't even been touched since it was added. No matter what I did, I got random colours and whatever colours I had put there looked like it were from a filter, not to mention how my lineart bled everywhere like it was blurred out.

Ibis isn't problematic for adding that feature as not only was it added ages ago, but it was also just a gimmick only added because a few more popular paid programs added them, like Clip Studio Paint. I highly doubt even the company took it seriously considering how poorly built it is. This is actually the one time I'm glad some feature in an app sucks so much.

Another reason why ibis isn't problematic by the mere feature alone is that, when you look at the artists making content during the time of that update, it was received with humour. It was something fun to try, but ultimately dismissed for actual artwork, as nobody would use it to fully paint their works. Nowadays we see something slapped with the words 'ai' and think that it's instantly bad due to the latest issues with it and big corperations/ certain production companies but it isn't. It's just a lot of people abusing what was previously some fun gimmick, which it can still be, and for certain apps, still is. Nobody throws pitchforks at character ai, after all.

You can tell just by the size of this that I'm procrastinating on something. Ima go and let this rot away in your askbox now lol

You really thought this would fade away in my ask box, mwahahaha /j

I wanna start off by saying thank you for holding me accountable, I will admit that I got buzzworded pretty hard in this situation lmao

This information came as a surprise to me-- I was seeing posts pop up within the past week complaining about the ai feature on ibis, so I assumed it was recent. As it turns out, after reading your ask, I discovered that I got a few wires crossed! Because yes, the auto paint feature I referred to in my post has been around for years now, and was never taken seriously anyways

So that was my bad (and yea ur right it's completely unusable, lmao)

But as it turns out, the feature that people have been complaining about DID come out recently. It was called the AI Example feature, I think the idea was that you make a simple drawing and the AI adds 99% of the detail and color, which I've seen a bunch of other programs do.

...and then it was immediately removed due to some pretty major backlash, which, duh

^ This is the only evidence I can find of the 11.2.0 update that included the AI feature on the actual site; their update history stops at 11.1.0. But there's also the news page about the removal of the update, so it's not like they're trying to pretend it never happened.

So tl;dr, I jumped on the hate train a little too quickly and never did enough research to figure out what the actual update was, and that it's been removed by now anyway (which I couldn't have known until today, ofc, but i did kinda post that thing about ibis today so it's still a pretty major oopsie)

I think I can say with confidence now that I agree, ibis paint isn't problematic to use-- they made a mistake with this update, but they actually listened to their users and removed it LITERALLY the next day. So, thanks for letting me know! I'll also edit my last post to prevent any misinformation, just in case people make the same mistake I did :]