#i'm just so fucking tired of having to teach myself how to do shit at this job

[demuredeadbeat]

I don't consider myself part of 'the queer community'. I actively avoid groups, labels, gatherings. I don't need to describe why.

But is transandrophobia one of the reasons?

Lol, duh. No shit.

[arcane-vagabond]

I think I might actually legitimately be at my limit. Like I think I've reached the end of my rope, actually

[fragglerockopinions]

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[neverendingford]

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[gguk-n]

Fading Shadow (Lando Norris x ex-Reader)

Part 2 of Last Straw Inspired by this request

Summary- Y/N moved on. Lando is still stuck, on what they had and what he lost.

{Reader's POV}

The moment I landed back home, I felt relief wash over me when I cried in my mother's arms. I had been holding on to too much, it seems. My father brought my favourite food and we ate together and we laughed together. This was the therapy I needed. My siblings weren't very happy with Lando since they had seen everything unfold on social media but they were happy to have their sister back. I was happy to be back home. I needed this, I needed my people.

I decided I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. I had been mourning my relationship while I was still in it. Now, I was a new me, I was going to do everything I wanted.

I applied at the company I always wanted to work at but due to there being no vacancies I was assigned a job in a different country and I was ready to take on the world. I knew Lando would never search for me, he never truly loved me but I still wanted to leave. I needed a fresh start.

{Lando's POV}

The silence after the break up was exactly what I needed, or so I thought. I could leave as I wished. I could go out whenever I wanted. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. It's so much better to be single then to be tied down.

I didn't think I would ever miss Y/N, but I did. I remember exactly when I missed her for the first time; it was after a difficult race and I had finish decently with the shitty cards I had and I just wanted someone to tell me how well I did; but there was no one; no one who knew what I wanted to hear. I felt so alone even when I was surrounded by hundreds of people for the first time in a long time.

The second time I missed her was when I was stood on top of the top step of the podium. I wanted to have her around so I could share my highs with her. I didn't get a 'do you wanna go out to celebrate?' like the last two times and I aired her both time to party with random girls. Right now, I was in the club celebrating my third win of my career and season and I felt empty and alone. Not even the alcohol helped.

The house we lived in was a stark reminder of the time we spent together. All our dates we had. All the times she would teach me how to cook but we would always end up with a big mess and half cooked or burnt food since I would get distracted. In retrospect, I loved every second of it even though I never admitted it then. I love all the time we spent together or the laugh she would emit when I messed up. I missed her and I wish she was here; I was too stupid to admit it then but I do now.

Oscar was getting sick and tired of me using his phone to check on Y/N's social media accounts since she had blocked me every where. I would end up borrowing the other driver's phone to check, just in case. Until one day, her account stopped showing up for Oscar too. I went through almost everyone on the paddock's phone to see if she had blocked my friends. Turns out, she had deactivated her social media accounts; I realised that after one of the gossip pages posted about her deactivating her profiles, across all the platforms.

I would wake up from dreams about her and I would fall asleep to the thought of her. No woman interested me anymore; I wish I was this loyal when we were dating, when she could see that I loved her, not now when she couldn't even see I had changed.

My PR team was losing their shit when I tweeted that. I had to sit through a stupid meeting after everything. It was miracle I didn't start crying in the middle of the meeting.

People had started to notice I guess, since Carlos approached me. "Cabron, what's up?" he asked while I was lying on my couch after media day. "Nothing" I hummed. "I fucked up right?" I asked. "I can't say no" Carlos said. I laughed painfully. "I didn't know how good I had it until it was all gone. I'm an ass and I deserve everything I'm getting" I cried. Carlos comforted me, hugging me tightly. "I just wish she would talk to me, at least once. So, that I could show her that I've changed. I really have Carlos. I love her so much, it hurts" I cried into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lando" he said patting my back.

There's a saying, You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I was living that nightmare and I will never stop living it.

[willsimpforanyone]

Hey! Hope you’re having a good day, Can your please do a smutty dom/sub, dom Percy jackson x sub female Zeus!reader where it's an enemies to lovers but readers been being a brat and teasing the hell outa' Percy so he decides to "teach her a lesson" so he takes her to his cabin and they fuck and she has a thing for choking. . . ?

hi hello sorry for taking so long uni is hell and im so tired but apparently i cant focus on revising so im doing this instead ty for being so patient luv u

tis made clear they're both adults like literally i say they're adults is all good

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"What's the matter, Jackson?" I grinned as I landed a bullseye on the target and heard a grunt from next to me. "Not really your speed, it it?" My voice dripped with faux pity.

Percy's shot went wide and I laughed. He rolled his eyes and nocked another arrow. "How old are you? I thought we were adults, not fucking kids." He loosed the arrow and just barely struck the target.

I shrugged, following suit and doing better than he did, if not hitting where I was aiming. "Maybe, but you make it so easy to fuck with you, it's like you're into it." I winked at him.

This kind of banter was common- one of us would be better than the other at something, flaunt their skill unashamedly and piss each other off until one of us left or someone else came in to shut us up. It was a familiar routine; loathe I was to admit it, Percy was better than I was at a fair few things so when I got the upper hand, I relished it.

"Come on, Perce, just give in." I cocked my head to one side, looking up at him. "Sea Daddy didn't give you this skill and I'm up by 6 points, you can't beat me at this."

He barked a laugh. "Sea Daddy? I should strike you down where you stand."

I waited until he nocked his next arrow. About to shoot it, I stood on my tiptoes, as close to his ear as possible. "Is that a promise?"

Percy's arrow flew into the ground, a faint pink staining his cheeks. I backed off, cackling. "Aw, too far?"

He stood frozen for a second. I paused mentally. It wouldn't be the first time I flirted with him, teasing him like this was just one of the weapons in my arsenal- I always made sure not to do anything too bad, just enough to catch him off guard. Maybe today was just a bad day and I'd gone too far.

Instead, Percy lowered his bow to drop it on the ground, stepping over his quiver of arrows to move towards me. There was a wolfish grin on his lips. "Not close enough, princess."

My breath caught in my throat. That was a new one; nicknames were sometimes used, sure, to annoy the other but 'princess' was new. And effective, apparently.

Determined to stand my ground, I stayed still as Percy crossed the short distance between us. He was a good few inches taller than me. I caught myself looking into his eyes and tried to school my face into something resembling superiority.

He smelled really good.

"No retort? Nothing to say, hm?" Percy's tone was slightly condescending and I don't know if it was the proximity, the nickname or the fact that I suddenly realised I had this incredibly attractive man focusing all his attention on me, but I felt a little weak at the knees.

Now is not the time to be discovering kinks, dammit.

"I-I..." I sputtered. "...Princess?"

Smooth.

Percy grinned, tongue just sweeping over his lower lip. "If I knew a little pet name would shut you up, I'd have done this weeks ago."

Well. Shit. Guess I'm going all in, humiliation be damned.

"Kiss me."

Percy blinked. "...what?"

I twisted a hand in the front of his shirt. "You heard me, Jackson." That's right, I still have some words left. "You started this, what are you gonna do about it?"

There was no hesitation. Percy pressed closer to me and slammed his lips on mine, hands coming round my waist and fingers digging into my back. I inhaled sharply, instantly dizzy with the rush of arousal that flooded my system.

Time slowed for a moment, just enough so that all I knew was Percy, Percy and his lips and his hands and his heartbeat hammering against his ribcage.

We broke apart, panting slightly, eyes locked. I was the first to break.

"My place or yours?"

Percy growled something that might have been 'mine' and grabbed my hand, pulling me after him. I stumbled a few times but we made it to the Poseiden cabin; luckily there were very few people around, everyone either in their cabin or busy. No one to see me eagerly following Percy into his cabin and definitely no one to hear him push me up against the door and press his lips to mine again.

My fingers ran through his hair, his hands back on my hips pinning me against the wood. Damn, I forget how strong he is. I tried shifting my position slightly and he merely readjusted his grip, I couldn't even lift away from the door. The knowledge that he was using hardly any effort to keep me still sent a fresh wave of horniness through my brain and I fought to keep a whine from escaping my lungs.

Yeah, I know we fight and tease and try to annoy the fuck out of each other but holy Hades if this guy isn't gorgeous and currently all I can think about.

Percy tugged at my hair, pulling to expose my neck and licked a stripe up my skin. "You okay with this?"

I did my best to nod.

Immediately, he stepped back, letting go of me completely. "No, do better, princess, yes or no?"

Gorgeous and respectful of consent, the gods really put effort into making this one.

I swallowed, forcing my brain to make coherent words. "Yes, yes, I am very okay with this, get back here."

Percy smirked. "So demanding." He went to sit on his bunk, leaning back on his hands and tilting his head to the side. "If you want it, you have to come over here."

Bitch, thinks he's in control. He's right, but I didn't have to give in so easily. I steadied myself.

"Oh, you think I'm that easy? We'll see."

I kept my eyes on him, shrugging my jacket off my shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. Kicking off my shoes was hardly sexy, but I kept going, getting a little closer to the bed. I thanked everything possible that I was wearing a dress, the soft material settling just below mid thigh. The shorts I wore under them were quickly gone, and I was left in a dress, underwear and a bra.

Percy's chest was rising a little heavier with each item of clothing I rid myself of and I knew just how to get a little of my power back. I moved to stand right in front of him and lifted the back of my dress. I winked and pulled my underwear off, one leg at a time, until they were pooled on the floor. To no one's surprise, there was a wet patch in the middle.

Percy groaned, hands fisting in the sheets. I stood in between his open legs, not touching but so, so close.

"Aw, you liked my little show, Jackson?" I giggled. "Gods, I bet you're desperate to see under here-" I played with the hem of my dress. "-am I right?"

In a flash, Percy stood, hefted me up and threw me on his bed. I bounced on my back, a breathless laugh punched out of me. Grabbing my thighs, he pulled me to the edge of the bed and flipped up my dress.

"Such a fucking brat." Percy's voice was low and slightly gravelly, fingers pressing into the flesh of my legs. I squeaked at the sudden movements and the slight embarrassment of being exposed so abruptly.

"Maybe this will teach you a lesson." He dove in between my thighs, licking a stripe up my pussy, moaning at the taste. I choked as he ate me out with fervour, keeping my legs apart easily even as I fought to close them around his head.

Percy's face was soaked, tongue driving me insane as it swirled over my clit. Two of his fingers pushed inside me and I slapped a hand over my mouth to keep from yelling. I felt him grin against me, not moving his fingers, just keeping them insider my pussy and laving his tongue over my folds.

"P-Percy, fuck-!" I reached down to grasp his hair in my hands.

He pressed a kiss to my clit, looking up at me with a smug smile on his face. "What is it, princess? A little needy?" I somehow felt myself get even wetter, and Percy noticed. "Oh, you like being called 'princess', hm? Cute, but you're gonna have to work for me to do anything else, baby."

I groaned in arousal and annoyance. "Wh-what do you want, b-bastard?"

Percy tutted, and withdrew his fingers. "Nope, c'mere." He stood and sat on the bed, reaching over and dragging me until I sat straddling his lap, bare pussy just touching his jeans. I clutched at his shoulders as he inserted his fingers into me again.

"Now, if you want to be fucked properly, you're going to fuck yourself on my fingers until you come and I'm not going to help, okay, princess?"

Oh, a cruel, cruel, insanely hot man. Damn my power, damn everything in me that wanted to push back at him, I wanted to come and an infuriating part of me wanted to please him. Fuck.

My cheeks were bright red, my dress covering the obscene sight of Percy's hand wet and his fingers inside my pussy, but slowly, slowly, I lifted myself a few inches and sat back down. Fuck, his fingers were so long. I repeated my action, a little stronger. A little faster, a little more, until I was riding his fingers and he was kissing me and despite his former promise he was pumping his hand and using his thumb to press circles into my clit.

I was so worked up it didn't take long for my orgasm to rip through me. I let out a choked sound and Percy used his other hand to press over my mouth to muffle my noises. "Fuck, you sound so pretty when you come, princess, but we gotta be quiet, okay?" My hips were still stuttering against his hand, but I nodded.

The flash of a thought shot through my orgasm-addled mind. I released one of Percy's shoulders and touched his hand across my mouth. Gently, I guided it to just rest on my neck, the weight at once comforting and dizzyingly arousing.

"This okay?"

He stared at my neck, at his hand reaching from one side to the other and very carefully he squeezed his fingers. My eyes rolled back in my head. "Shit, yes, very okay, princess." He gently withdrew his fingers from my pussy and brought them up to his mouth. He licked my come off his hand, groaning at the taste. "Fuck, that was so hot, you did so good, my good little princess, you want me to fuck you now?"

He was so deperate for me, it gave me a rush of power to have him like this even if I'd just ridden his hand because he asked.

"Yes, fuck, please fuck me, Percy."

He moved me off his lap like I was delicate, something he'd break if he wasn't careful, and stripped as quickly as possible. His cock slapped against his stomach and I felt my mouth water. Still a little shaky, I got up on my knees and pulled at his hips until he was facing me. I reached out and took his cock in my hand, licking at the tip.

Percy heaved a breath. "Oh, princess, as much as I'd love to have you suck me off, if I don't get inside you in the next minute I might actually combust."

I giggled. "Well, we wouldn't want that."

I watched him fish a condom out from the drawer by his bed and bit my lip as I watched him slide it on and jerk himself a few times. "Alright, baby, how do you wanna do this?"

Laying back against the pillows, I slipped off the straps of my dress. Percy got the message pretty quickly.

In a second, he was hovering over me, pulling the top of my dress down. He reached round to my back and unclasped my bra, throwing it somewhere in the room. He bent his neck and nipped little red marks over my chest, licking over my pebbling nipples and I inhaled sharply. "I've been good, haven't I?"

Percy nodded. "So good for me."

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Then fuck me like you hate me."

He smirked, reaching down a hand to guide his cock to push into me inch by inch. "Well, since you asked so nicely..."

I barely had any time to adjust to him when he started pounding into me, hips pistoning and abs clenching. Moans worked their way between my lips despite my best efforts, unable to be silent at the delicious friction he ws giving me.

"So hard to be quiet, isn't it?" Percy panted into my ear. "Poor thing, let me help with that."

Not stopping his movements, he sat back on his heels, pulling my hips up to him and smoothing one hand down my body to rest heavy on my throat. My tits bounced as he thrusted hard into me, my hands clutching at the sheets, the pillows, his arm, the hand that promised to just slightly cut off bloodflow to my head.

My vision went slightly fuzzy, my head deliciously dizzy and all I could do was lie there and take it, take his cock hammering into my pussy and feel the build up of my second orgasm.

"Sh-shit, princess, you feel so fucking good, I'm gonna- I'm gonna come, fuck!" Percy hissed through his teeth. "Touch yourself for me, that's it, such a good girl, fuck."

I rubbed my clit harshly with as much focus as I could, feeling myself come from my toes, rolling up through my body and exploding in my lower stomach. Percy's lip was swollen and red from where he'd been biting it and I felt his hips stutter, flooding the condom as he came.

There was a minute of quiet, both of us recovering, breathing evening out. I squeezed my eyes shut against the overstimulation as Percy pulled out, shushing me gently. There was a moment where he removed the condom where I truly thought he was just going to leave and my heart squeezed painfully, but he returned almost immediately.

"Hey, sit up, baby, that's it." He helped me up to sit on his bed, summoning some water and pouring it in a cup he'd found. He handed it to me. "Drink at least half of that, please. I'm gonna get some new clothes, okay?" Pressing a kiss to my head, he wandered about the cabin gathering sweatpants and t-shirts for us.

Obediently, I swallowed almost all the water, waiting sleepily for him to offer me his clothes.

Percy slipped on some clothes, helping me stand and after getting my permission, slipped off my dress and helped me put on one of his camp t-shirts and a pair of warm sweatpants.

"Better?" He whispered, maintaining the soft atmosphere we'd managed to cultivate.

I nodded. "Mm, yeah, thank you."

He blushed, wrapping me in his arms. "No problem, princess."

---------------------------------

ty for requesting, i hope you liked!!

[minhosimthings]

Girl Dad!Enhypen headcannons

Pairings: Enhypen × fem!reader (sep.)

Warnings: fluff fluff I'm choking on this fluff, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of birth, mentions of food, also swearing because I can't handle myself lol

A/N: alright bitches I am high on baby fever so if I'm dying IM TAKING Y'ALL DOWN WITH ME. Tagging @jaeyunluvr for obvious reasons.

Stray Kids version!

Lee Heeseung

Is SO Bambi eyed when you tell him you're pregnant

Like 🥺 this be him, all teary eyed and happy

As if he didn't rail the brains out of you last night but whatever

He was already a simp for you but now that you're pregnant?

"My wife is my entire life and I will walk through every element in this world for her and I would destroy this entire world for her did you know that I love my wife?"

SO EXCITED WHEN YOU START SHOWING He cries over how soft you look sometimes

When I say he sings to your belly at night- (he rants about how the baby kicked when he sang his fav song to the guys)

And gets so starry eyed when baby kicks at his favourite song

Literally the best during birth, he's such a cheerleader

Sobs literal rivers when he holds the baby

"She looks so much like you."

Looks at his daughter as if he would end the world for her

HEESEUNG STOP WE ARE WEAK WOMEN HERE

Singing lessons are basically free for her and Heeseung sobs to you every night about how good she's been getting

Loves to have Karaoke dates with her and teaches her how to make music

Brags so much

"Y/N can you take your husband please he's been talking about his child for hours now we are tired" "hey guys do you know what she did yesterday-"

He died inside when she tried to hit a high note and succeeded

10/10 dad, must marry Heeseung I have a ring

Park 'Jay' Jongsoeng

Do I hear the best girl dad in the entire world?

YES I FUCKING DO DAD JAY AGENDA LETS GAURRRRR

When you tell him, he kisses your face so much

WORSHIPS YOU you are a Goddess in his eyes

normally Jay wouldn't let you do anything but now? He will ravage the earth if you lift even an atom

"what are you doing out of bed?" "I have to pee Jay for god's sake-"

Belly massages are free and unlimited with a husband like him

And so is the food because he will cook everything you ask for as if it's the last thing he'll do

Builds the bassinet properly, and makes sure to turn you on because mooscles SHUT UP IM HAVING A MOMENT

Asks his mom for advice if he doesn't know what to do

Is a brave boi during birth like he is NOT hesitant to do any shit you want

Cries part 2

And I mean he sobbed his entire water weight out of his body when he held his tiny baby

"I have two princesses to take care of now"

JAY PLEASE I HAVE A UTERUS STAPPH

Takes care of everything, and I mean everything

Not a surprise to see your baby girl strapped to his chest by a harness 24/7

Daddy-daugher dates are a must!!

His phone storage is literally just her

"Hey guys look at this picture of my baby"

Sim "Jake" Jaeyun

Jake.exe has stopped working

Literally just stares at you when you tell him, so much so you have to wave your hands in front of him to snap him out

"WE'RE HAVING A BABY WHAT"

Congratulations dear reader, because now your husband is basically attached to your belly

"Baby did she kick-" "bro I just moved chill"

Double congratulations because now Layla and him are fighting for your attention

Literally so lost in everything related to women, pregnancy, and birth but he tries

And by that I mean, he stares at you doe-eyed while you explain everything

Most likely to faint during the birth because lord he can't handle this, he's a princess babygirl

Sobs part 3

"she has your eyes" JAKE STOP

Layla and baby besties forever which makes Jake weak in da knees

Will not leave your baby alone even for a second like he's attached to her now

Loves shopping for her

Literally spoils the shit out of her do y'all see this man buying diamonds because I do

"Baby, of COURSE we have to get her matching outfits how else will we do movie night without matchy pajamas"

Jake come home the kids miss you

Park Sunghoon

Yay you have officially broken Park mf Sunghoon

When you tell him, he's literally just 😶😶

No thoughts, brain has evaporated

But then-

"IM HAVING A FUCKING BABY"

You're like chill mf what the hell

Will literally carry you everywhere no matter if you tell him to put you down

"Hoon I can walk-"

*already picking you up* "sorry can't hear I'm deaf"

He makes so many plans, and organises literally everything

Also will get confused on how to build the cradle thingy

He's shit scared of birth, but will definetly allow you to squeeze his hand as hard as you want

Sobs part 4

She looks like you part 3

ICE SKATING DATES WHADUPPP

I'm crying just imagining hoon holding her tiny hands and guiding her through the ice

Your daughter is a fashionista thanks to her dad

Spoils her shitless part 2

"GUYS GUYS YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT MY BABY DID THE OTHER DAY" *doesn't even wait for a yes*

Kim "Sunoo" Seonwoo

My dude is so chill

Probably the normalest out of all of em

Hugs you and kisses you all over

But inside he's screaming crying throwing up shaking kicking his feet in the air

Literally treats the house like a military base once you staart showing

*talking to Enha* "If anything goes even the slightest bit wrong I will murder all of you."

So obsessed with literally just watching you because in his eyes you're so adorable

LOVES THE WAY YOU WADDLE

Gets so cocky over helping you like he's so proud, showing off his muscles and everything

Sunoo please you're my age STAPHH

MAKES AND TRIES YOUR WEIRD CRAVINGS

Will probably be disgusted by birth but he's a strong sailor he pulls through

Mentally breakdowns while holding your child because omg she's so tiny!!!

Mint choco lover agenda lessons starts from day 1

No child of Sunoo's is gonna hate mint choco

Daddy-daughter dates are a MUST

Loved bonding with her so much

Will definitely do her hair if she decides to grow it long

AND WILL GO TO SELF DEFENCE CLASSES WITH HER I WILL DIE BY THIS HILL

Sunoo I am a weak woman STOP

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Part Three | Jungkook's Point of View

Summary: Jungkook is losing his grip and con't seem to get you out of his head, little does he know he's all you've been able to think about too. Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 3.5k~ (Damn this was supposed to be a short one lmao) Read Part 3 from oc's pov first! Warnings: Smuuuuttt, Explicit Language and a crap ton of pet names (Mirror of the dialogue from part 3) a/n: So I got this request and I figured it would be fun to write an alternate chapter in Jungkook's pov so send in asks if you would like to see more of these hehe Drabble requested by an anon 💜

After coming home from the gym I take my time getting into the shower, making sure I have something planned for dinner when she comes home.

"Shit" I mumble, all these fucking hormones have been driving me wild these days. What am I a teenager? Just the thought of her at this point drives me mad. The fact that she comes home to me night after night and fills my whole house with her scent.

I don't know how I've managed to hold myself back for this long. After checking things out down here I go upstairs and start the shower and let it run for a while, waiting for it to warm up.

Taking a good look in the mirror I take note of my dilated pupils. I close my eyes and take deep breaths, trying to ground myself but nothing seems to be working. If anything it's getting worse.

I clench my jaw as I feel myself start to get hard just by the thought of her tired little body coming home after a long day at work, so ready to rest and relax with me for the night. 

Fuck I wish I could do something to help the both of us relax.

She was always a shy girl around me, so innocent and kind and beautiful and "Fuck" I curse at the feeling of my dick rubbing my against my boxers and I know I'm done for. Looking down I see the obvious tent that's slowly growing under my sweats and I know I'm gonna need to take care of it.

Stripping out of my clothes I walk into the shower and let the water run down my back, my hand pressed up against the wall as I look down at my dick that's begging to be touched.

'I really shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be thinking about her like this, but I can't control myself. I wrap my hand around it, pumping it back and forth at a lazy pace, coaxing myself to get harder.

"Shit" I groan as I run my thumb over the head, collecting the pre cum that's already started to leak out. I take my time playing with just the tip, teasing myself and making my hips stutter from the need of more friction.

"Y/n" I call out quietly, loving how her name tastes on my tongue while I'm doing something so forbidden. I rub my pre cum up and down my shaft, making obscene noises that make me close my eyes, helping me imagine that it's her that’s here doing this to me.

Bucking my hips into my fist I rest my forehead against the wall, steadying myself and letting my hips thrust as hard as they want, chasing that delicious high I'm begging to chase. "Fuck yes Bunny just like that. Shit y/n, fuck" I groan, lost in the moment and not giving a fuck if anyone were to hear me. 

She won't be home until later so fuck it.

Squeezing harder leaves me grunting and my hips falter, my fist now running up and down my cock, giving me so my pleasure it's almost too much. I let out a breathy moan, thinking about the image of her on her knees, with those innocent doe eyes playing with me and learning how to please me.

"Fuck, wish I could have you in here y/n. My pretty little Bunny" I let out, a little louder than I would've liked but who gives a fuck. All I care about is fantasizing about my naïve little girl asking to suck me off, eyes watering but begging me to teach her so she can make me feel good.

"Darling want you so so bad. Come choke on this cock, there you go, just like that Bun" I say, a trail of curses following as I feel myself getting closer to the edge. Her, hair, her eyes, her smile, those lips, those gorgeous lips that taunted me with pleas for me to take it. Take her and be her first.

"Shit" I curse, my hand having a mind of it's own as it picks up the pace, bringing me higher and higher until I tip over. Her name attached to a string of curses, dying to be able to praise her for how good she is to me. How good she would be for me.

Turning the shower water to cold I quickly wash my hair and body and try to erase the memory of what I just did. I know that I don't have the time to do it again and from the way I fucking came so hard I don't think I would be able to live it down if I let that happen again just from the memory of her alone.

Getting out of the shower and checking the time I'm grateful to see that I don't have to worry about having been too loud since there's still an hour or so before she's due back.

Even if she did hear me I wouldn't give a fuck. I know she knows that I'm attracted to her and oh what a conversation starter that would be....

~~~~~

Things were weird when she came home and dinner was even weirder. As I watch her head upstairs after saying goodnight I go over our various conversations today.

When she came home she didn't have her bags with her like she always does. She brings her purse and her laptop bag in every single day so the sight of her walking in without them could only mean one thing.

She definitely heard me in the shower today. Fuck, I know I said that I wouldn't care if she heard me but now after seeing the way she was acting tonight I can't help but wonder if I messed up. 

She's a fucking virgin and she walks in today, exhausted from work and the first thing she hears is a grown man moaning and fantasizing about her in the shower.

I should've been more careful. Fuck I shouldn't have done it at all.

After going round and round and cursing at myself for scaring her off I decide it's time to head to bed. There's no use staying up if I'm just gonna stress out about how I fucked up. Not like I can go back and change things now.

~~~~~~

Tossing and turning is added to the act of scolding myself, the act of having gone to bed not making things any better like I had thought. In fact it's made things worse.

Fuck if I had no sense of self respect I would do it all over again but I can't. I need to make things right by her. I need to apologize.

Against my best efforts I'm not able to drift of to sleep in the slightest so I decide to get a glass of water downstairs and take a breather to hopefully aide in making these doubts find their way out but right when I open my door I hear noises coming from her room.

I slowly walk towards it, thinking that she might've left the TV on or something. I stop in my tracks, the roles definitely having been reversed now as I hear her breathy moans unlike me, trying her best to stay quiet.

I wish she would get louder. I wish I could have her screaming and moaning my name so loud that even the neighbors can hear it.

"Jungkook please" are the words I had only dreamed of hearing from her, her melodic voice dripping with need and I can tell she's so desperate to cum. She sounds adorable, but I bet she'll start to get frustrated soon. Upset that her fingers are too small to do the job.

"Fuck!" I hear fall from her lips, making me want to fall to my knees. 

I never knew she would have such a dirty mouth. I fucking wish I could watch her as she comes undone and as her whines get louder I decide to place my hand on the door knob and twist it open. One little peek won't do any harm.

With the way I'm planning on fighting for her she'll be showing me a lot more than just a small glance like this soon enough.

"Jungkook please" she begs again as I crack the door open. 'Fuck it I can't handle this' I think to myself and take in the sight in front of me. Her silhouette alone making me dizzy. The way she pinches her erect nipples and whines as she no doubt plays with her clit making me want to worship the ground she walks on.

"Please what Bunny?" I chance, watching the guilt of me catching her and no doubt scaring her beyond belief flood her facial expressions but I press on nonetheless. "M-mr. Jeon?" she stutters, the scare making her go back to using formalities again. 

She's so fucking pretty.

"Come on Darling, you know better than that. Now what were you saying? Jungkook please? Please what Bun?" I say, slowly walking towards her, going around the bed to sit on the side closest to her and she pulls the sheet up to cover herself, scared and unsure of what to do.

"What would you like me to do for you baby?" I say when I finally sit down, the bed dipping under my weight and watching as she scoots over, not to get away from me but to make room which pleases me greatly.

"Look at how cute you are. Confident enough to moan my name while I'm sleeping just a few doors down but now that you've been caught you can't even say a word. But you sounded so pretty Darling. Can you say it again for me?" I taunt, chancing a kiss under her ear and when I feel all of her muscles relax into my touch I know I've got her.

"Come on Bunny, I know you know how to use your words" I whisper, my mouth practically on her ear garnering a shiver from her in response.

"P-please Jungkook" she chokes out, almost as if she was scared of the sound of her own voice. "Please what Darling?" I say, ghosting my lips all along her neck, breathing in that intoxicating scent I know so well but drowning in the intensity of it coming directly from the source.

The things I would do to ruin her right here, right now. But I need to be patient, need to bide my time and work for her. We might be rushing things now but neither of us can stand another moment of this game we've been playing.

"Please let me cum" she whines and I could climax alone from the look she's giving me. Her pink cheeks and the way her eyes are glossing over, seconds from shedding those beautiful crystal tears has me so mesmerized by her.

"Would you like me to help you cum Princess?" I say, pushing a stray strand of hair off her face but I notice that her tears have started to fall more freely and I get worried that I've misread this situation.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to. I can walk right out of here and we can pretend that nothing ever happened" I say, reassuring her that this is all up to her. I'm here to take care of her, only if she'll let me.

"Please help me cum" she pleads, another tear falling on her cheek. If the words that just fell from her lips weren't as dirty as they were I would've wanted to hold her and tell her everything's gonna be okay. Instead I catch that glimmering tear that's fallen and caress her cheek, gauging her reactions before doing anything else.

"Lay down for me yeah?" I say, kissing her forehead and guiding her back down, wanting her to be as comfortable as possible. 'Fuck she's gorgeous' I say to myself as I study everything there is about her.

"Can I kiss you Bunny?" I ask her and she nods her head almost instantly, her enthusiasm beyond endearing to me. I lean down but stop just shy of her lips, reminding her what she needs to do for me to continue.

"Use your words Darling" I whisper, my lips just a breath away and when she tells me 'Yes' I can just feel the desperation hidden behind that word and I can't help but smile before kissing her, this time softly, as if I were to do much more that she would break in my arms. 

I fill it with longing, showing her how much I want this, want her.

Not long after I started kissing her does she start to squirm about, begging for more and I detach our lips, laughing against hers before kissing her again, taking away her chance to answer right away.

"Can I take this off?" I question, toying with the thin piece of fabric that's keeping me from her, already being able to see her hard nipples rubbing against the sheet. She nods and I get up just enough to pull it off completely, drinking in the sight of her laying bare for me.

As I take my time studying ever line and curve of her, committing it all the memory my eyes are brought to the sight of her pressing her thighs together and I can tell she's been aching to be touched like this for so long.

"You want me to touch you?" I ask, ghosting my fingers along her skin that's warm to the touch and I feel her shiver from the chill I no doubt caused her. She chokes out a 'Please' holding herself back from making too much noise and I can't help but smile at her efforts. I'm sure she knows though that that's the exact opposite of what I want from her but I let her be this time.

"Open your legs for me Princess" I say, gently guiding them apart with one hand while the other dances along her stomach, falling in love with her reaction from simple touches like this.

"Were you just using your fingers baby?" I ask, tracing along her torso and touching every inch of skin I dare to travel just yet. She nods and I can see how her chest is rising, breathing picking up no doubt from excitement and it takes everything in me to stifle back a smirk.

"Want me to use mine?" I tempt and she nods enthusiastically but I take my time. Tracing patterns on her inner thighs, I watch as she squirms until I finally run a finger through her damp folds, restraining myself from moaning at the feeling. She takes in a sharp breath at the sensation of my cold fingers playing with her and I smile at the reaction. 

"Baby was all wet just thinking about me huh?" I taunt and she nods her head, being so honest with me, her eyes closed and getting lost in the feeling, a little shy though about admitting it. 

"Can I ask you a question Darling?" I ask needing to know the answer, no matter how embarrassed she might be. She stutters out a 'Yes' when I start to circle my finger around her clit and I know I won't be able to get her voice out of my head. 

 "Did you hear me earlier today when I was in the shower?" I ask and her whole body stiffens for a second, her doe eyes wide with fright again and I let out a dry chuckle, getting all the information I need from that alone.

"I noticed that you didn't bring your bags in from your car like you normally do and when I was walking out of my room I saw that your door was open and they were already inside. Meaning that you were probably in the house before I first saw you. Isn't that right Princess?" I continue and when I push my fingers inside her her back arches and she moans out another 'Yes' lost in the feeling of being touched like this.

"Fuck, yes!" she moans out, louder than she has before and I know I've hit it just right.  "You like that? You like it when I touch you like that?" I growl out. I can't stop myself, I need more of her so I quench my thirst by biting down on her collarbone, kissing and licking the skin making her arch up into me even more. 

Trailing kisses down her chest I stop for a second, taking in the sight of her breast right in front of me and I glance up at her, asking for permission. "Yes Jungkook please" she groans and I push my fingers in further, dragging hard against her walls as I take one of her nipples into my mouth. Wanting to hear more from her and knowing just how to get it. 

Her moans fall more freely and I can't helps but increase the pressure. "You make such pretty noises Darling" I praise, the sound of her voice a beautiful sinful melody.  Switching over to the other nipple after I take my time savoring the first one, licking it one more time, smiling at the sight of leaving it puffy and wet, evidence of how much I've been dying to taste her. 

I do the same with the other one as she clenches around my fingers, making me take note of another thing she likes. 

"Does baby like getting praised? Do you like it when I tell you how pretty you look while you're under me?" I taunt and receive another clench in return, solidifying what I already knew and I can tell by the way her walls start to flutter around my fingers that she's already close.

She moans and mewls and babbles out the pretties sounds none of them making any more sense than the other. All I can focus on is the way she says my name over and over in the midst of the confusion and I can't wait for the day I have her screaming my name. 

I watch as she loses herself, not even realizing that she's started to fuck herself on my fingers, riding them all on her own. I can't wait for her to ride me, fuck I know she would be so good at it. 

As her face contorts in pleasure she begs to cum I can't help but smile, trying to figure out how the fuck I got so lucky. 

"That's it Bunny, just like that" I praise, guiding her through it all and making sure she tips over that edge, writhing and moaning beneath me and as she's just about to cum undone she grabs the back of my neck and smashes her lips against mine, making me swallow her adorable little whines and and screams of pleasure. 

Baby was so nervous of how loud she would be that she just decided to make me swallow all her cries. Next time though she won't be getting away with that. She'll be screaming and begging for me to make her cum and I'll watch her, watch her fall apart knowing I'm the only one that's given her this much pleasure. 

I continue fucking my fingers inside of her over and over again helping her ride out her high and only stop once her cries of overstimulation start to fall from her lips. 

"You did so well Princess" I say, brushing the tears off her cheek, enjoying the glazed over look in her eye. "You did so good for me" I praise again and take note of the freshly fucked state she's in as she hums happily, slowly drifting off to sleep. 

I chuckle at the sight of her and stand up to get a warm damp towel to clean her up. Watching over her as she lets out cute little whimpers at the feeling. 

I throw the towel in the laundry basket and leave to go open the door to the guest bedroom down the hall and turn down the blankets so I can place her right under them as soon as she hits the mattress.

I head back into her room and gently scoop her up in my arms, smiling as she cuddles into me even in her unconscious state before placing her down moments later on the cool clean sheets. 

I watch as she moves around, turning on her side and snuggling into the blanket to get comfortable and my heart melts at the scene. "Goodnight Bunny" I say to her softly, placing a kiss on her forehead and leaving the room, closing the door silently behind me. 

I look down at the state I'm in and take note of the full tent I have in my sweats and curse at the sight of it. I head back into my room and close the door behind me, stripping out of my clothes, knowing that I need to take a shower again.

 This time cold. Very cold. 

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[waddleonmywaywardducks]

Something I would just like to get off my chest...

Literally I just want to talk my shit. This is just SOME of the shit I'm tired of seeing in my community.

I grew up in a extremely god-fearing Christian home. Most of my childhood years where spent in a church or with my nose stuck into a Bible. It was horrible. When I was 10, I was opened to the world of magic and slowly I realized that what I was reading could be true. I began to research as much as I could and now here we are. But anyways, as I began to expand my craft, I start to find myself with people who also practice!

My first experience with the shit talk in my community was from a witch who came from a long line of witches and claimed they were more powerful then me bc of that....I've never seen them practice or even attempt to practice....and their mother is a wiccan....ok yeah sure ☠️ like first off, literally I don't care, I don't care if your mother is a witch, I don't care that "you are the granddaughter of the witches they didn't burn" ☠️☠️ you can miss me with that. Second off, because they claimed to be a more powerful witch they said they could "mentor" me and teach me the "right ways" and when I said no they then told me I would never be powerful and that they would curse me....where's that curse at girlie???? I do not care for power. I do not care for control. I just want to find harmony with myself and the world.

The second experience I had, AND I KNOW EVERYONE. EVERYONE. HAD THIS HAPPEN TO THEM, was the "I've been practicing for x amount of years so....Im actually better then you" I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I do not give a fuck how long you have been practicing. Here's a real question, why do you, a "experienced" witch, feel the need to invalidate new witches, when your practice is all your own? Are you really practicing if you feel the need to scare and fearmonger newer witches? Why not help them?I remember I was at such and loss starting out because no one would tell me, they would be like "how could you not know that?!?!" Or "I would NEVER make that mistake" it's ok to make mistakes, fuck man 8 years later and I still make mistakes. Also, Witchcraft communities have always been about communicating, when looking for where to began, young witches would TURN TO THEIR ELDERS. Why have we driven away from that? Idk I just feel like if you feel the need to invalidate newer witches, you aren't actually secure in your own practice. So are you really better then me? Or are you just worried I'll become more "powerful" then you?

And I know we've all gone through the "I have the most expensive herbs so my spells are way more powerful" just say you love capitalism ☠️☠️ LMFAOOO the witches I see on tiktok are like the over consumption final boss like holy shit. I literally get everything I need from the forest outside my house, I literally haven't bought anything for my practice in like months because I put my time and energy into what I create for my deities, spells, and rituals. And honestly, Ive had way better results because of it. You don't need all this big fancy stuff, just get started with what you have. Make it your own.

Instead of doing all this, mind your business, stay to YOUR craft, and if someone asks for help you can give them what you can. Literally just be a nice person Jesus fucking Christ. Just be a nice person. The entire reason I made this blog was for witches who needed someone to push them in the right direction. This post was me talking shit, if you feel called out....then consider this a sign to try to be better, there's always a chance to start again. And also, in no way am I bashing witches who come from a long line of witches, that shit is cool as hell, I'm just saying when you use it just to be cool and not practice, bc i hate to break it to you but if you don't practice like at all, not even attempt to start, then you aren't a witch my guy im sorry being born into a witch family doesn't automatically make you a witch, you have to carve that shit out for yourself. But anyways it's 1am I'm tired I honestly have no idea why I wrote this. Ok bye.

[undertakerslxt]

pay me back | undertaker x f!reader

title; pay me back

warnings; mentions of pregnancy/forced pregnancy. some implied non/dub-con. major teasing. humiliation kink. unprotected sex (wrap ur willy before u do the silly!). finishing inside. toys (nipple/clit clamps). undertaker being sort of cruel. degradation/slut shaming. desk sex/coffin sex. vibrator. major possessiveness from ut. use of titles (sir). definite bdsm. brief bondage. implied murder of someone else. overstimulation.

summary; you're a noblewoman with a job to report back information to the queen, and the mysterious undertaker is your informant. your usual payment is sex, but after you go to a different undertaker for information, he gets angry and decides to teach you a lesson by playing a little game with you.

song inspo; dangerous (for your entertainment also works well)

word count; 1.8k

notes; i've said this before and i will say it again. it is a federal crime undertaker does not exist. also it’s 4am, i’m tired and it’s not beta read, so i apologize if it seems rushed or underwritten.

The shop was quiet when you stepped in, and you blinked to adjust your eyes to the darkness. "Undertaker?" You called, glancing about.

"So you've finally shown your face. I was wondering when you would be brave enough to come back here after your little betrayal."

Shit. He knew.

"You weren't home—"

A hand shot from the darkness and pulled you to the nearest coffin. Unbeknownst to you, while talking, he had locked the door and turned the sign to closed. He wasn't about to have this time interrupted. "You could have come by later, or waited for me," his voice growled in your ear. Deft hands made quick work of pulling your skirts up to your waist. He pressed his knee between your legs, holding your hands behind your back. "Instead, someone decided to go to another shop for information, and if a little birdie told me right, even flirted."

"I didn't! I was only asking for further information on the recent murders—"

"Hush, doll, I'm the one talking."

You shivered as a cold nail ran up the back of your leg, then lightly flicked your womanhood. "Did you show that other undertaker your pussy? Perhaps you just showed off your cleavage, hoping he would give you anything you wanted."

You swallowed.

A light smack to your thigh told you he wanted an answer now. "Well, did you get what you wanted? Showing off your body?"

"He didn't give me the information I needed, no," you whispered, unable to look behind you.

A dark chuckle sent shivers up your spine. "You should know by now I'm the only one who can give you what you need. Information and otherwise." He pressed his knee harder into you, making you whimper. "What would your beloved queen say if she knew you were whoring yourself out for information?"

"I'm not, I'm—"

"Oh, but you are." His grip on your wrists tightened. "Coming in here asking for priceless information, knowing my price isn't laughter for you. Spreading your legs so easily for me, letting me bury myself inside you time and again until you're dripping. But you like that, don't you? Being used as a cum dump. Because you wouldn't be on birth control if you didn't. Here's the thing, doll — once you let me touch you, you became mine, and I don't like when my playthings entertain other men."

"I'm on birth control because I cannot get pregnant," you snapped back, trying to wrest your wrists away. "Imagine what people would say if a noblewoman had a child by an undertaker!"

"Dove, they wouldn't say anything, because the second you were pregnant, I wouldn't be letting you out of my sight. I wouldn't want you to run away from me or our family~ But enough of that. I do intend to punish you."

"Look, I won't go to him anymore!" You didn't like his tone, or how you couldn't see what he was about to do. You may fuck the man on a semi-regular occasion, but you didn't actually know him, or what lines he wouldn't cross with you. And you were just now realizing that.

"I've already taken care of him, doll. You won't be going to anyone else ever, I promise you that."

Cool air fanned your hot skin as he ripped your underwear off. He pulled your dress and shift off as well without letting you free, then tied your hands together with a soft fabric. "I was waiting for the right time to use this little toy."

He turned you over, finally letting you see him. Chartreuse eyes glowed faintly in the darkness, clearly angry. He had lost his hat and usual outer robe, leaving his tight-fitting clothes. He held up a set of clamps with individual chains running down to merge into a single chain, which ended at a third clamp. His smirk made you shiver.

"I have the information you want, but since you decided you couldn't rely on me, you can find it yourself. Wearing nothing but these."

"You can't seriously expect—"

His hand gripped your chin firmly. "You humiliated me by not only going to another man, but daring to tell said man I couldn't do what you needed. Therefore, I am going to repay the favor. I am being kind; no one else is here and no one will walk through that door for the rest of today. Keep arguing and I'll make it worse for you."

You swallowed. "Y... Yes, sir."

His smirk returned. "Good girl." He knelt down, and a second later, you felt something cold close around your clit. He pulled the toy up so he could do the same with the other clamps. You shivered as he attached the clamps to your nipples. "To make it more fun..." He hit something and you gasped as the clamp on your clit began vibrating slowly. "Every ten minutes, I will turn this up. Cum before you find the information or I give you permission, and you've failed."

"May I have a starting clue, please?" You breathed, hoping he'd be nice. "Just an area to look in, maybe?"

"Well, you do look beautiful right now... It's a red folder."

That should be easy enough, right? But you had a sinking feeling as his eyes gleamed. "Good luck, doll."

Thirty minutes in and you were still nowhere close to finding the folder. Undertaker watched you with a predatory smile, tapping the remote against his chin. "Want another clue, doll?" He'd ask, but you didn't trust his smirk. You weren't sure what he would want for the clue now.

And yet, you were at your wit's end. You had searched every bookshelf, every nook and cranny, and you had already tried prying more clues out of him without giving anything in return. That buzzing between your legs was driving you crazy, making you wet and sensitive without any relief of an orgasm. You weren't about to give in, though, so you faced him. "Yes, please."

"Please, what?" He taunted.

"Yes, please, sir," you amended. "Please, give me a clue. Anything."

He was toying with you, and you hated it. You hated losing, especially in this twisted little game of his.

So you marched over to him, where he was lounging, and before he could react, you unbuttoned his pants. You carefully pulled his cock out, watching as it immediately stood to attention, tip flushed and red. You straddled his lap and groaned softly as you sank down onto him. "Please," you breathed, rolling your hips, "give me a clue."

His hands gripped your hips and he bit back a moan, thrusting upwards. "Is this your way of seducing one out of me? I thought you weren't a slut."

"Aren't I? For you? You make big speeches about me, but God knows you can't wait to rip my clothes off as soon as I set foot in your shop." You whimpered as he hit a certain spot, toes curling with the effort to not cave and orgasm right there.

"Well, that admission is beautiful enough," he grunted. A few more thrusts and you feel warmth spurt inside of you. You hated how much you loved it. He panted for a second, eyes locked onto yours. After a moment of regaining his breath, he tilted his head. "Almost beautiful enough to unlock the location."

You startled as the vibrator turned up a notch, and your vision almost went black. Fuck, you needed to cum so badly. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. Your legs were trembling from the effort to hold back, your body on fire from the pleasure of the toy. One of his hands gripped your chin again and gently turned it, so your gaze met his desk.

"Oh- Oh!"

At the same time, his other hand had pressed the clamp more firmly onto your clit, and you nearly came right there. With a grunt, biting your lip so hard it would surely bleed, you managed to fight that high off. "Y-Your desk...?"

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" He crooned in your ear. "Go on. Try my desk, doll."

You shakily stood, not even caring how your arousal dripped down your thighs, or how his cum leaked out of you. You stumbled to the desk and began frantically pulling the drawers open. You almost cried in frustration when all but two opened, not bothering to look at the other drawers. He surely had it locked up.

Undertaker came up behind you, hands now on your breasts. "Now, which one do you think has the folder? Guess correctly and you win. Guess wrong, and you lose."

The right drawer seemed like it might... but so did the left drawer. You almost couldn't think, hands gripping the edge of the desk until your knuckles turned white. At this rate, you had moments before you lost, and he knew it. So which one would he put the folder into? He wouldn't make this so easy, would it?

Your eyes widened.

"It's..." Your voice broke. "It's not in there," you managed, turning. "Is it? You've had it this whole time, haven't you?"

He merely tilted his head, watching you. "Is that your final answer?"

I can't lose...

"Yes." You stated as firmly as you could, leaning against the desk for support. "I know you have it."

A grin spread over his lips. "Clever~" He reached into his shirt, producing the desired folder. "It's all yours, but first..."

In a flash, he had you on top of the desk, cock buried inside you. The vibrations increased on your clit as he thrust, and in a second, you tumbled into pure pleasure. Loud moans filled the shop as he fucked into you, pushing you through your orgasm. Your vision went white now, head spinning as you could feel nothing but him and yourself, the only two people in the world for this moment.

"UNDERTAKER!"

Darkness greeted your vision when you finally woke. Something soft was all around you, and you groaned. "Nhm...?"

"Careful, doll," a voice crooned by your ear. "That was quite the orgasm you had. Almost thought I lost you there." You felt something warm on your face. "Shh, don't fight. I'm cleaning you up."

His face came into focus after you squinted your eyes, trying to clear the blurriness. Gone was the cruel amusement. His expression was soft, almost... sweet. He continued cleaning you up, careful to avoid your sensitive parts.

"I... passed out?" You rasped.

"After doing such a good job of winning, yes. You're in my bed now. You'll need to rest for a day or so," he explained, pulling back. "Especially when you're going to be in such a fragile condition soon. I've already contacted your estate, and they know you'll be taking a leave of absence."

"Wait, what?" You rubbed at your eyes, noticing you were indeed in his bed. He'd never let you up here before. What the hell was going on? But you were too tired to fight, just watching him. "Fragile condition...?"

"Isn't it wonderful? I'm certain you'll be with child soon. After all, that little betrayal made me realize I should officially claim what's mine, and what I want. Don't worry, you'll be a mother soon." He chuckled.

"So, doll, how do you feel about a nighttime wedding?"

[jellybeanium124]

Stede excused himself from the brightly lit ballroom with two hundred chatting people and loud band to go to the bathroom. He sat on the toilet for five minutes in the brightly lit bathroom as other fundraiser guests walked in and out, doing their business and washing their hands.

All he wanted to do was go home. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to be wearing a suit, he didn't want a fancy meal. This was unusual for Stede. He normally loved wearing a fancy suit while eating a fancy meal and talking nonstop, but he was tired and his whole head and body was buzzing. His suit felt too tight and itchy, and he swore he could feel tags rubbing against him, and his shoes hurt.

He left the stall and washed his hands and started wandering around. He shouldn't be doing this, abandoning the party to snoop around like a curious child, but he couldn't go back in there. What was he supposed to do? Go find Mary and stand behind her while she talks like a functioning adult? He didn't even know why he felt like crap.

The entire building the party was being hosted in was bright and fancy, but at least here in a random hallway with benches and candelabras on the walls and plush velvet carpeting, it's quiet.

He turned a corner and saw a man sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall where a bit of it juts out to form a small corner. He's got his knees tucked up to his chest.

"Sir, are you okay?" Stede asked, walking over to the man.

He looked surprised to see someone. "What? Yes, yeah, I'm fine. I'm with the fundraiser benefit, that's why I'm here. I just... needed a break."

"Me too."

"...You wanna sit?"

"Ok."

Stede sat down on the carpet next to the man, and stretched his legs out.

"I'm Stede," he said, holding out his hand.

"Stede??" the man echoed, shocked. "Shit, Stede Bonnet?"

"Um... yes?"

The man seemed to grow shyer, and looked away. Stede put his hand down. Then he pulled his knees up and sighed.

"You've probably read those articles, right? About Bonnet Suits? Where I'm the silly spoiled son of an evil Disney villain?"

"Yeah... might've..."

"Well, Mr. Teach was right about some things. My father is evil. There's no appealing to his humanity no matter what. He won't make any of the changes I want to make in the company. That's why everyone thinks I'm so useless. Maybe all my ideas are stupid anyways... I just have stupid ideas..."

"What are your ideas?"

"Pay every single employee who works in the factories making suits for us the equivalent of $15 an hour. Every single one. I've done the math 40 different ways, it's possible! We could pay them more, but I've got to start somewhere. My father always shuts me down and tells me I'd be throwing away hundreds of millions in profits. I've stopped trying to convince him to do something by explaining how this will help the people who make the suits that made him fucking wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, and right now I'm working the whole 'everyone loves human rights this will get us more customers and we can charge more if people think we're sustainable' angle but even that's not working. I can't take it anymore. I have a little boat. I bought it as a fiftieth birthday gift to myself. It's sitting at a pier in Rhode Island right now. No one knows about it. Not my father, not my wife... once I grow some balls I'm going there and getting on my boat and I'm not coming back."

The man blinked at him.

"Sorry... fuck... I don't know why I said all of that. Fuck, there's journalists at this thing. I'm supposed to be doing good for my father's reputation, not sitting in a hallway talking about what a piece of shit he is..."

The man swallowed. "Yeah..."

"Enough about my stupid problems, you really don't seem okay. Are you sick? Should..." Stede cut himself off and looked at the floor.

"Should...?"

Stede shook his head. "Nothing. You came out here for some peace and quiet, and I'm fucking it all up. I can go now."

"I wouldn't mind if you sat and we had peace and quiet together."

Stede smiled at him briefly, before leaning his head back against the wall and letting out a sigh.

For a few minutes, the two of them sat together in silence. It felt a little good, at least, to know that there was someone else here who couldn't stand to be at that party longer than thirty minutes. A kindred spirit, maybe. A potential friend.

"I'm Ed Teach," the man said quietly, after a few minutes had passed.

Stede's heart dropped through the floor.

He was sitting next to the man who called him an ineffectual, under-qualified, empty-headed heir to a despicable fashion fortune. And he was right.

"Oh," Stede said.

"That's it? 'Oh?' You're not going to have me thrown out? No yelling? You're not even gonna bribe me to stop talking about your dad's company and the shit he pulls?"

Stede shrugged. "Eh, we deserve worse."

"You're a lot different than I thought you'd be."

"You're a lot different too. I thought you'd be a ruthless and mean sneaky journalist."

Ed sighed. "It's hard being like that all the time... I thought you'd be a prick. A real entitled asshole."

Stede smiled gently. "At least one thing my father never gave me was his personality."

Ed nodded. "But y'know, if you're really serious about change, why don't you just fucking do it? Stop waiting for your dad's approval, go to Cambodia and Bangladesh, and pay them out of your own pocket? Running away to Rhode fuckin' Island isn't gonna help anyone."

Stede cocked his head at him curiously. "Could I do that? Go behind my father's back and just... pay them out of my own savings? Is that legal?"

"I mean, you can give people money. You can write checks. You could write me a check right now. That'd be legal."

Stede raised an eyebrow. "Writing a check for my nemesis journalist? That'd be awful suspect, even if it's legal."

"Okay okay okay not me specifically, but, like, you can do that. You can write checks. I know you're sitting on millions and millions of dollars, Bonnet."

"Okay," Stede said, standing up. "Let's go."

"Let's?"

"Yes. Let's go. Fuck em."

Ed stood up. "Now?"

Stede nodded. "Now. Let's get our passports and board the first plane we can. I'm going behind my father's back, like you suggested."

"And you want me... to come with you?"

"Of course. Presumably I'll need a journalist on my side when this shitstorm goes public," Stede said with a manic smile.

~~~

Obviously, our juvenile stunt didn't immediately solve everything. Bonnet Sr. still had access to Stede's finances, and drained his bank accounts so the millions he gave out in checks would bounce. But our stunt wasn't without its value. It immediately brought public attention to Bonnet Suits, and the fashion industry and its abuses in general. Bonnet Sr.'s now infamous meltdown during his interview for Reuters caused him to step down as CEO, leaving Stede to take over. Over the course of the following year, Stede made sweeping reforms inside the company, all according to plans he'd spent years trying to get his father to implement. Yesterday he publicly announced that he's retiring, and now here I am, retiring as well. People often compare us to Romeo and Juliet, with one reporter who shall remain nameless calling us "just as fockin stupid as those teenage twats." And perhaps we are just as stupid and headstrong as them. I did get on a plane to Bangladesh with a billionaire approximately 5 hours after meeting him (he'd never flown on a commercial flight before, he was adorably excited about trying the "airplane food" and requested a pin with wings on it like kids get). But now it's been well over a year, and I'm still stupidly in love with him, so up yours. I'm going to retire and spend the rest of my days eating fresh lobster rolls and relaxing on my husband's little boat. Journalism has no doubt taken years off my life, so I'm going to spend whatever time I have left happy.

Take it sleazy, Ed Teach

[isa-ghost]

do u have death family headcanons....

NO FUCKING MAMES I HAD 14 OUT OF 15 DONE FOR THIS ASK AND THEN TUMBLR YEETED THEM. I'M GONNA SCREAM AND COMMIT MURDER, IDR THEM ALL. FUCK.

ANYWAY YOU BET YOUR GAY ASS I HAVE DEATH FAMILY HCS.

qPhil headcanons masterlist

Family walks, Chayanne on Phil's shoulders and Lullah on Missa's. Or they do that thing where there's one kid between them and they take either hand and lift/swing them together.

Family gardening. Missa using his reaper scythe to harvest things, Chayanne and Lullah replanting seeds, Phil going full crow brain and hoarding all the harvested crops in crates.

The kids are Phil & Missa's biggest wingmen. Lullah will lead them somewhere and then be like "Oh. Oh nooo, oh noooo my asthmaaaa" and teleport away. And then suddenly there's Chayanne with a table for 2 and an entire kitchen setup with a dinner in progress.

They'll plot "relaxation" days for Phil and Missa too. It's a toss-up if either of them actually relax though. Missa's better at it than Phil at least.

No one cheered harder about the prison kisses than Chayanne and Lullah. They wish their dads a very "do it again. Often."

Phil and Missa are constantly conspiring together about cool things to do with/for the kids. Even when they're away from each other they'll write books leaving the other a message like "shhh don't tell the kids :)"

They'll also plan days Just for one of the kids where whatever the family does is centered around their interests. It's nice for them, because although they have mutual interests and are more than willing to do whatever the other wants, they still have unique interests and it can naturally get tiring being a package deal. Especially when so many of the other eggs are only children and get doted on by their parents with undivided attention

They get separation sadness a lot bc reaper duties and Phil's extremely deep sleep/vivid dreams keep them apart so often, but their little system of leaving gifts (Missa his paintings, Phil misc trinkets) for each other works. It's not as good as a hug or quality time though :(

Everyone's passing each other's accents to one another. Missa finds himself slipping up saying "bewk" (book) or some shit, meanwhile Phil keeps saying stuff with a Spanish accent because of Missa and Lullah and everyone keeps adopting German words into their vocabulary because of Chayanne.

Phil and Missa are both good at pvp, they love sparring with each other and teaching the kids. Chayanne is way more into it than Lullah, but Lullah loves to learn regardless, and she loves hearing Phil infodump about strategy and timing and whatnot.

Missa and the kids will team up and get Phil on one of his Philzaing rants. They'll be like "what do you MEAN you couldn't physically carry all three of us on a flight? :(" and there Phil goes, raving about how weight matters with flying and safety and blah blah blah. And he KNOWS they're getting a rise out of him most of the time. Yet he falls for it every time.

One day,, one day we'll get a 4/4 family build project,,, They want to do it do bad,, So far it's just been 3/4 make it and the 4th is delighted to be shown it by the kids whenever they're around again. (August 2024 Edit: KILLS MYSELF)

Phil and the kids have started half-purposely obtaining as many birds as they have bc it's funny to see Missa come back from reaper duties to MORE birds that he just has to accept live there now.

The kids love Phil's crow murder to death (pun intended) and are used to interacting with them. Missa not so much. Which has made for countless funny moments. He's still bewildered that they're so attuned to throwing something shiny at him and then aggressively cawing. He doesn't understand them like Phil can.

Something something the four of them having a seance together where Lullah taps into her medium abilities to communicate with Kristin bc Goddess of Death is part of the Death Family. She loves to tease Missa (usually about Phil) and she ADORES the kids.

[angellic-critique]

Honestly my biggest fear is to end up writing my characters the same way vivzie does, I feel like she doesn't even try on certain characters(female characters and literally any other that isn't her "uwu baby boi must be protected at all costs" characters like stolas, angel dust). Like imagine completely missing the point of your own character/srs

to everyone pre-release worries and anxieties just as much as I have-- Please take this time to read or explore different interests of books or authors of subjects and genres you like ! In the era of internet where the golden age of information is rusting into brainrot, the less time online anymore the better. I've been taking javascript/python tutorials for myself attempting to make a dating simulator for literal years at this point and its bounced around to the point of where I branched off to develop my own murder mystery 2-d sidescroller !

I wish for this to be a farewell letter to the crushed hopes and dreams I had for the original hazbin pilot and crew has moved on to other things whereas viv attempted to spitefully keep a story she clearly doesn't have any passion over- it is very evident over her lack of care for her own characters purely for the monetary gains of attempting and sadly wriggling her way into industry the way she did is so abhorrent to the world of genuine art and animation I grew up with.

Has Vivzie ever read a Felix the Cat comic strip or Dilbert even Hägar The Horrible? Does she even know about the history and strive of depth that animation has been at for hundreds of years? Does she even like comics, clearly not if she doesn't even have the patience to write her own and horribly rush whichever story she's interested in that day. I've never seen a careless writer be this selfishly unashamed to write literal garbage and surface level 'intrigue' of design and then falling flat face first at EVERY step. Hope she becomes as unbearable of a director as John K. is because honestly even though I'm cringing making that comparison, it's pretty fair in my book considering the outright ABUSE she has always trying to talk or hoard artists into her 'pet project' I recommend above anything else to watch Dan Stamanolous' 'Moral Orel' if you want an actually funny dark comedy or Christy Karacas' fast paced dark horror comic-come-to-life Superjail! for good animattion that doesn't belittle its audience... *[Trigger Warnings for Adult Swim-esque outdated 2007 humor and light transphobia, read for your own triggers if you dont want to though, please!]

The fact that Stollitz is written so flimsily like a wattpad fanficiton of tropes rolled into one is astounding to me, I used to like the dynamic pre-season 2 as I've mentioned on here and @tired-hellowl so I really don't want to get a headache going into how I USED to like it-Realizing the problematic consent issues all of STOLASS is, I physically cannot watch another Helluva or Hazbin promo anymore without rolling my eyes into the back of my head.

To the anons and people who used to also enjoy vivs work, there are other artists and there are other stories to tell. If you wish to be inspired from Dante's Inferno/Hell or WESTERN CHRISTIAN BASED RELIGION keep in mind what source material you're doing because I don't even think vivzie has picked up the bible once in her life.... And I say this as a drifter in the world who believes in reincarnation I don't really vibe with the athiest stereotypes however, I don't believe in most religion but more power to people that do get hope and love from their teachings and cultures.

She entirely missed the mark for several years, nearly a decade. Viv has had time and time again chance and opportunity to give a chance of storytelling with demons and what does she do? Adult Cartoon that has the demons scream 'FUCK SHIT DAMNIT DAMNIT LOOK IM SO HORNY AND SILLY AND WACKY WOAHH THE SCREEN IS CONSTANTLY MOVING YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A SECOND TO BREATH IN ANY AMOUNT OF WORLBUILDING OR SETTING BECAUSE FUCK. YOU.'--

I have said this time and time again- there is no substance or worth about Helluva Bosses or Hazbins writing, even without the show not being released because Amazon seems ashamed about it, I know it'll be a shitshow.

Honestly at this point I agree with the redesign community, take any character you used to like and rewrite them until it's unrecognizable from the original source material, let those fuckers in space fight alien pirates or hell take them out of the heaven and hell trope and just flip it on it's head entirely out of earth or wherever you want to set your story! I'm personally redesigning angel to be a slight aid to my addiction help via rewriting him into my murder mystery heheh while keeping the sexual abuse and recovery in mind because woah that shit happened to me too man !!!

I wish the best to any future writers, animators, programmers, lovers of animation or art, you can do what you put your mind and hands to! Spread more positivity and love then hate in this world please guys, this'll be the last time I pop in I promise I'm trying to get a better job and hopefully get accepted in a community college that i've been on the fence over trying to do more online coding ! The sky is the limit!<3

[billygoat26]

The amount of times people have said that gays are p3dos and are forcing the LGBTQ+ stuff onto everyone and then those same asshats proceed to push THEIR IDEAS ONTO US...

Or compare us to Nazis

Or try and provide scientific evidence that we're ped0s and tell us to stay away from the children. I've been accused of being a ped0 and the temptation for me to respond with "bitch I'm a minor myself, fuck off" is great because it's true.

I've legit been told to "police your community" and when I said I couldn't they basically said I was being a pussy (not those exact words) and when I told them I was a minor and what the fuck did they think I'd be able to do they just stopped responding lmfao

I've also seen people complaining about "where's straight pride month?" Like bitch you don't NEED one. You're not killed for who you like or don't like, you're not attacked (verbally or physically) because of how you identify, so get over yourselves and either ignore it or support it.

I'm tired of people who call themselves Christians using their religion as an excuse to be a bitch (not all of them, I've seen some who support. To those I give my respect). I've seen people use ai-generated images of the devil teaching kids pride, or the devil stitching the pride flag, or a parent using a shield against a rainbow and "protecting" the kids. I know pride was the original sin, but that's not what Pride Month is.

We don't think we're above everyone else. We just want to be accepted for who we are rather than all the shit I wrote above happening.

One of the people I've responded to I guess is religious and I specifically told them not to pray for me because I'm happy with how I am and don't waste their prayers on me... guess what? They retweeted my reply that said NOT to pray for me and told their prayer group to pray for me. Why? Because my "hardened heart" had been "destroyed by pride".

I just want to be me without the world seemingly being against my existence, for any future kids to be able to grow up in a world where shit that happened when I was in 6th grade won't happen to them, where they won't be hurt for being them, where people won't accuse them of being something they're not.

We're not mentally ill because of who we like or how we identify, we're not p3dos or Nazis or anything in between. We're people like you. You want the kids to be safe, but what if they're part of the LGBTQ+ community? Do you just disown them and stop giving a shit about them? Hypocrisy at its finest...

If you're gonna be anyone, don't be like the homophobic asshats on twitter. Treat others the way you'd like to be treated. That's the golden rule right? The one so many people promote yet don't follow? Yeah, learn it. I'm not perfect, nobody is. But we can try to be the best versions of ourselves rather than stooping to levels so low as described above.

Love yourselves. You're enough, you're amazing the way you are. Don't change yourself because of how others perceive you. Change yourself because you want to, because you like it.

Happy pride month everyone and stay safe out there. The world is a cruel place, don't let it break you down. <3

[whispers-of-lilith]

Lilith, who're your top 8 One Piece loves?

Star! Hi & thank you for popping in 🥺 Honestly, I had to think about this for a hot minute bc my brain has been hard focused on JJK lol.

Buckle up, bc this is going to be a long ass ride.

Liliths Top 8 One Piece Loves

Silvers "Dark King" Rayleigh

While I do love young Rayleigh when he was in his "prime", I will always choose older Rayleigh. It's no secret that this man definitely slept around at some point in his life. Not only does he have experience, but he knows exactly how to utilize all the skills he's learned over the years.

Rayleigh has stamina for days [ie. when his ship sank & he casually swam to Amazon Lily], he knows how to please, how to edge, etc. He could fuck me for days, to where I couldn't walk, but he wouldn't even have broken a sweat.

He seems like a fun person to be around & honestly I could see myself spending nights sitting in his lap while he drinks & tells stories of all the crazy shit he's done.

Dracule Mihawk

Ah, the dark, broody man who lives alone on an island. Literally my ideal type, bc dealing with people is hard & I'd rather spend my days on a rainy island in a massive castle.

I've probably said this one too many times, but whenever it rains I always have the urge to get railed by Mihawk next to the fireplace in his library. You just know he has a plush rug in front of it & if you bother him enough while he's reading? Best be prepared because he's going to teach you a lesson & you sure as shit can't finish until he finishes the chapter he's reading.

We could just enjoy the quiet together, I'm okay with spending time with someone even if we're doing our own thing.

Shanks

Shanks is like the golden retriever to my black cat. He doesn't take life too seriously [unless the situation calls for it & fuck if he isn't sexy when he's serious]. He knows how to have fun & would probably have the easiest time relaxing me simply by just cuddling with me.

Another man who clearly sleeps around, but knows exactly what he's got & how to please. I'm easily embarrassed & Shanks loves to embarrass, it's just in his nature.

I will always be a blushing, stuttering mess when it comes to this man's charms & I wouldn't have it any other way.

Benn "Big Dick" Beckman

You can't really have Shanks without Benn, or Benn without Shanks for that matter. Where Shanks throws caution to the wind, Benn is there to keep his ass in line.

He's gruff, stoic at times, doesn't seem to talk much, but will go feral when it comes to protecting something or someone he loves. Also, if you couldn't tell by the title I gave him, I just know this man is HUGE.

I'd melt if he called me "princess", "kitten", "pet" or anything along those lines and it's always a bonus when he follows it with a smirk. I'm down for a good railing sesh whenever he gets frustrated with Shanks [which is often].

[I just need to be eifle towered by Shanks & Benn, it'd probably solve 90% of my problems]

Charlotte Katakuri

Clearly I like the quiet / strong type if this list is any indication. Let's get the obvious out of the way first, Katakuri can & will split me in half with that dick & if that's how I go– then so be it.

I love a man with tattoos & have you seen his body?? Absolute perfection. Don't mess with the people he loves unless you have a death wish, he can & will obliterate you on sight if you do.

When he's not going feral in battle, his quiet & calculating personality is precious. He seems like the type to be easily flustered & I'd love to push him a bit so I could see his little blush. Idk he's just precious & adorable & needs to be protected at all costs.

[Ps. Would climb him like a koala]

Trafalgar Law

I loved him before I even met him in the anime. Fell for the scrungly, tired, lanky man seated on a box in Saboady. I even went as far as to cosplay a fem!Law for one of my first cons.

Again, another broody, quiet, tired man to add to my list. We're literally one in the same, we hyperfixate on things & neither of us sleep. So I know he'll always be awake at 3am to listen to me ramble about all the stupid facts I know.

Also, tbh, the tattoos do something for me. I mean, watching as his death tattoos disappear inside with each stroke? Fuck. Jsjdjajsbbxjsj. He is another one that flusters easy, but if you push him too far he 100% lets his dom side out.

Sir Crocodile

Sir Crocodile, hng. Money laundering? My man would never [yes he would & we live well bc of it, so no I'm not snitching]. I could sit in his lap like a perfect little kitten, whether he's sitting in on meetings or just enjoying a cigar, just lemme me on the big mans lap.

Lo said it best earlier, the rings. THE RINGS AND MAKING YOU CLEAN THEM JAHDUSJHAJAI. To be dominated by him would be a dream, he's so smug & cocky & ugh.

I would be his little princess, my self respect would go out the window. He 100% showers you with gifts just bc he can & he loves when you wear things he's bought you.

King [Alber]

Oh, what do you know, another quiet, strong, stoic man... see a theme here? Another man who would split me in half & I'd say thank you for doing so.

Just. His hair. His wings. His face tattoo. Everything about him was perfectly sculpted from the heavens & simply looking at him makes my day better.

On days when it's cold he could wrap us both in his wings & I'd fucking melt into a puddle. He's the type of man to be cold towards others, except for the person he loves & I'm all here for it.

[whomadewaffles]

Some pjhazel incorrect quotes I've been saving for awhile...I feel like with how starved for content shippers of these two are right now, keeping these to myself would be a crime. I'm SO sorry for not citing sources. I wasn’t originally planning to post these, and finding them retroactively is like.. impossible.

Pjhazel is the focus, but others are included as side characters. So if you don't ship them, then just scroll on by and go about your day, please!

Also, for a heads up that will apply to all 3 parts: expect bad language and sex references cos obviously.

Oh, and this is part 1 of 3, even if it is the longest part

Long post under the cut!

_______

Josie: You slept with Hazel? OUR Hazel? Callahan??

Pj: I didn't know what else to do! She had those big, sad eyes. I couldn't help it.

Josie: ...sure, sounds like you had no other choice.

--------

Pj: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or sarcastic and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

--------

Hazel, jumping out of pj's closet: BOO!

Pj:

Hazel:

Pj:

Hazel: *makes the patented Hazel callahan sad face*

Pj: Ahh! Oh my god! You scared me!

------

Hazel: TERRIBLE NEWS!

Pj: Did you disarm the bomb?

Hazel: If I disarmed it, would I come running in here and shout, TERRIBLE NEWS!?

------

Pj: hazel, you are such a nerdy little dork, you can't pull any girl.

Hazel * has been crushing on her since they met*: okay. that's fine.

*2 years later*

Hazel: so what did you say? Repeat that again.

Pj: 🤡

--------

Pj: It has come to my attention, that I have some unresolved feelings or resentment toward my father.

Therapist: a little late, but I’m happy you’ve taken this first step. Now you can start looking to overcome that.

Pj: Already done. I’ve found a full proof solution…I’m going to ignore it. Completely and utterly.

Pj: just like my dad did me.

--------

Pj: the secret to being impulsive successfully is being faster than the consequences of your actions. you can't let them catch you or its all over

Annie: is that why everytime Hazel even looks at you since you kissed her you run away like a little bitch?

-------

Pj *trying everything she can to kiss hazel again without just admitting she likes her like a normal healthy person*: Hey, are you aware that kissing reduces stress?

Hazel: Okay.

Pj:

Hazel:

Pj: Hey, you look stressed. Like, really stressed. Just wanted to let you know.

--------

Hazel: It’s not that I don’t trust pj, I just... don’t trust her impulse control

-------

Hazel: None of you might remember this, but there was a time when PJ considered herself out of my league.

Hazel: Oh, how the mighty have fallen (into my arms)

------

Hazel *trying to teach her girlfriend how to take better notes in class*: to make it easier, you should always highlight the important things

*later*

Annie: Hazel, why are you covered in different colored highlighter?

Hazel: don't ask

Pj: she's important! okay!?

-------

Hazel: I'm freaking out, How do I make our first date really romantic?

Stella-Rebecca: Be mysterious.

Hazel: Okay!

*later, while on a date with pj* 

Pj: So where are we going?

Hazel: None of your fucking business.

Pj *is shocked and a little turned on* 😳

-------

Pj: Yeah, I lost the ability to give a shit at a very young age. It was a very tragic accident. Never recovered

------

Pj: *on the phone with josie* I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit.

Josie: You’re pulling Oreos apart and shaving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you?

Pj: Maybe.

-----

Pj: I love you.

Hazel: I thought I annoyed you?

Pj: You do annoy me. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible, but I want to spend every irritating moment with you.

--------

Pj: Im tired

Hazel: You should come to the gym with me! We could make it a date and exercising gives you energy!

Pj: Yeah, the same energy you need to go to the gym

Pj: Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me

------

Pj *texting*: I'm showering

Hazel *texting back*: oh nice, send a pic of you're hair in a giant spike lmao!

--------

Pj: rest assured, rational me and impulsive me are having a fucking smackdown 24/7 100% of the time

-----

Hazel: Please, this is the 4th time its happened, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

Pj: I'm sorry is this OUR broken nose? Stay out of it.

------

Pj: I asked Hazel out.

Britney: Oh, I’m sorry.

Pj: Why?

Brittney: Well, I assume she said no.

Pj: No, she said yes.

Brittney: Really? Then I’m sorry for her.

-------

Pj: Shout out to my girlfriend who just randomly decided to eat my chapstick.

Hazel: WHY WOULD THEY MAKE IT COTTON-CANDY FLAVORED IF IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE EATEN?!

--------

Pj: You're annoying.

Hazel *in her head*: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words

------

Pj: I win

Hazel: I am literally pinning you down

Pj: I know

-----

Hazel: So sorry for making you fall in love with me because of my autistic swag and kissable lips.

--------

Pj: *Drinking a bottle of water*

Josie: Since when do you carry water? I've known you my whole life and you never do that.

Pj: Hazel freaked out ‘cause I told her I never drink water

Pj: Now she’s making me drink 8 glasses a day

Pj: It’s like, there’s water in soda, coffee, the little pools of water on pizza…

Isabel: …That’s grease

Pj: Well it’s wet isn’t it!

-------

Hazel: You're in love with me?

Pj: Unless you're not in love with me. Then I take it back, because, you know... I'm cool.

-------

Pj: You are an absolute fucking dork.

Hazel *singing*: Yeah, but I'm your dork!

Pj *happy sigh*: Yeah, you're my dork.

--------

Pj: I'm a very good liar.

Josie: Yesterday, I asked if you were missing  hazel while she was gone, and you said "no" right before bursting into tears.

--------