#i'm just going to find a corner where i could cry myself to sleep then

[my-little-random-world]

Marta: I’ve spent the whole morning missing you. Fina: I suppose we’re both very busy. Marta: I have a surprise for you. Fina: Besides the new one you brought into our room? Marta: Don’t be like that. I think she’s a really nice girl. Fina: Yes, very tidy, if I’m being honest. Marta: Well then, let me make it up to you by taking you to a great restaurant in Madrid tonight, one you’re going to love. And afterward, we can go to a little hotel, the one in front of the Retiro. Tomorrow we’d have to wake up early to be back here at the crack of dawn, but it’s worth the early start, hm? Fina: But I can’t today. I have plans. Marta: What plans?

Fina: I’m meeting the girls for drinks. Marta: Well, you could make up an excuse, hm? Fina: No, no, I can’t ditch them at the last minute. Besides, we’ve invited Miriam to catch her up on how the project is going. Marta: And me? Can you ditch me? Fina: I already had plans with the girls. You just made yours up now. Marta: Eh, Fina, I moved heaven and earth to find time. You can’t tell me no just because you’re going to grab drinks with the girls. Fina: Oh, and I have to drop everything every time you move heaven and earth and manage to find a little moment for me? Marta: Are you joking? What’s wrong with you? Fina: What’s wrong with me, Marta? What’s wrong is that I have a life too. You know that. And I can’t sit around all day waiting to see if you can squeeze me into your schedule. Marta: That’s so unfair! You know that with my new position, it’s really hard for me to find time for us. Fina: And just because of that, you assume I’m supposed to wait around like I have nothing else going on? Marta: I don’t assume that. Fina: Well, it sure seems like it. And I don’t want to live like this. I have to think about myself. Marta: And what about us? Don’t you think about us? Fina: You know what, Marta? Maybe I cancel on the girls, and then some last-minute thing comes up with a client of yours, and you leave me hanging again. And so it goes, on and on, because your time is always more important, never mine. Marta: So you’re punishing me? You really prefer giving up the little time we have together, just to pay me back? Is your hurt pride stronger than your desire to be with me? Fina: It’s not pride, Marta! It’s not pride! It’s trying to protect myself. Marta: Protect yourself from what? What, now I’m a threat? Fina: Marta, it’s always me! I’m always the one adapting to you and your schedule! And I need you too! You know who’s always there, who never lets me down? Carmen and Claudia. So no, I’m not going to ditch them just because you ask me to. Marta: There’s nothing I can say to make you change your mind, is there? Fina: No.

[alicerosejensen]

All pets go to heaven

Warning: mention of pet deaths; hurt/comfort; angst; dad!Leon.

Synopsis: This is a tragedy in Leon's family. It was inevitable, but it broke one small child's heart.

A/n: I am writing this because my beloved cat who lived with me for 17 years died. It is a great pain to lose pets who have become part of the family, and even knowing that this is inevitable, the pain will not become less. Although I am already an adult, this is the first time I have encountered this pain. I'm just trying to distract myself a little bit and, as always, find solace in writing while my heart heals.

Everyone who has pets - love them because their lives are so short compared to ours. We are their whole life, and they are only a part of it for us.

Losing is always hard. Returning home after a difficult mission that somehow miraculously passed without unnecessary sacrifices, Leon hoped to return to the calm atmosphere of his house where you and your baby girl were waiting for him, whom he had just bought gifts. Some sweets, soft toys, besides, as he drove up to the house, he was thinking about a family outing somewhere to an amusement park and then drop into some cafe and eat ice cream. It would be a great therapy for him and a good opportunity to make up for lost time with his family.

He has already written to you about his imminent return, but did not expect that when he entered the house, he would feel some unusual emptiness. Something that was not as usual when he returned.

You immediately left the kitchen holding a glass of water in your hands when you heard the bang of the front door, which caused a slight smile to blossom on your sad face.

"Leon!" you shouted, putting the glass on the frame that he was home with you again. "You're back! Why didn't you call? I would have prepared something special for dinner."

Leon frowned into your eyes. It's like you've been crying recently. He put the bag on the frame next to the keys, hugged you to him, put his head on top of your head, feeling you relax in his arms.

"I texted you on your phone, wanted to surprise D/N, bought something for her and for you. By the way, where is she? And what happened to your eyes? Did something happen while I was gone?

You nodded softly, freeing yourself from the ring of his arms, and looked up at the second floor, which only made Leon tense, making him nervous.

"Let's go to the kitchen, I'll warm up your lunch" you took Leon's hand hoping that he would immediately follow you and not do everything his own way "And tell you everything. D/N fell asleep in her room recently. I'm sorry, I've hardly picked up the phone lately."

And yet, going into the kitchen, Leon could not help but feel the oppressive atmosphere involuntarily returning him to the distant past where he also sat at the table with an excess of alcohol before the next call from his superiors, waiting for him to be sent on a new mission. The feeling he hoped would never come back. You were sluggishly putting the leftovers of yesterday's lunch on a plate, putting it in the microwave to heat up the food, while Leon was behind you looking at the corner where there were always cat bowls with food and water for Oliver...

It's so strange that the darling of the whole family didn't come out to meet him, as it always was, and now his bowls are gone, but the first thought was that you just decided to wash them and just haven't put them in place yet, and Oliver sleeps on the couch in the living room or in the D/N room, lately because of age He slept a lot.

"The furry fighter sleeps with D/N" joked Leon, sinking into a chair and taking the fork in his hand that you put in front of him.

You shook your head negatively.

"You know, a few days after you left, he got really bad." you began to explain after a heavy sigh, "He was already old by cat standards, at first he began to eat less, then he stopped altogether. He drank only one water, the vet said his kidneys were failing. I decided not to torture him, after all, no matter how painful it was for me to say goodbye to him, I didn't want Oliver to suffer in the last few days, but he quietly died his own death. It makes me feel a little calmer, but D/N... Our girl has been crying for three days."

Leon felt like he had lost all his words. That's why he never got animals, probably because he knew that sooner or later he would have to say goodbye to the one he became attached to, but he met you when you took Oliver as a kitten, and therefore the "furry fighter" as Leon himself called him when they first met, one day also became part of his family along with you. A slightly naughty cat, spoiled, loving to beg for food, when someone just went to the kitchen, often gnawing wires, which is why they had to be hidden. And yet Oliver was part of this family, and D/N love him with all her heart, how could his little girl now know that her beloved furry friend will never come to her again and she will not be able to pet him? Inside Leon everything sank from this thought that his heart demanded to come to his little girl and comfort her.

His appetite immediately disappeared.

"Of course he was old, but it seemed to me that he still had enough strength. He wasn't that bad before I left."

"Yeah," you agreed, placing a plate in front of him.

"He sometimes lost his appetite, but I probably noticed the symptoms too late, although the doctor said that cats often have kidney problems. D/N is the hardest hit. I carefully prepared her for this moment, but three days ago in the morning when she woke up to pet Oliver, he simply did not react - he died peacefully in his sleep. D/N now does not want to do anything, cries all day long and hardly eats."

"I'll go to her," Leon said, getting up from the table without touching his food.

"Leon," you called out to him quietly, causing him to turn around to look at you. "Maybe you can do better than me, to be honest, I haven't been able to find the right words for her in the last three days."

"This... this is not easy for her. She has been with him since birth, but we will succeed, we just need to help her get through this together."

Those were good words. You probably needed them yourself, considering you were the one who picked up Oliver as a kitten, but it's never easy to survive someone else's death, especially someone you loved and cared for for years. While comforting your child, you comfort yourself with the thought that Oliver had lived a good, long cat life. No one had ever hurt him, he lived in warmth, care, and satiety. It was just that his life inevitably came to an end, no matter how much it broke your heart.

Leon paused for a few seconds in front of the door as he climbed the stairs. He often comforted Jane when she was injured or upset about something, but death... It was incredibly difficult for a child to face something like that, especially when his girl loved all animals so much. Leon quietly opened the door and immediately heard sobs that involuntarily made him feel guilty.

Of course he should have been there for her during this difficult period, but he wasn't there, and you alone weren't enough. D/N cries quietly, turning away to the window, hugging a soft toy, not even hearing the steps behind her, immersed only in her grief. Before, she would have jumped out of bed and run to her father, spreading her arms for a hug, and then would have hung on his neck for a long time, begging him to play with her until late in the evening, but now...

"Sunshine, daddy is here"

Leon whispered, sitting down next to her on the bed and putting his hand on her shoulder.

There was another sob. D/N didn't even turn around when she heard his voice, but she definitely realized that her father had returned. How could he blame her? In general, Leon often found himself thinking that it was in his nature to forgive everything to those he loved, especially if it was his own blood. It was more difficult than scraped knees or broken favorite toys. This is the realization to a little girl that her furry friend is gone forever.

She continued to squeeze the toy, sobbing, burying her nose in the pillow. Even when Leon bent down to turn on the night lamp.

"Oliver is gone," she lisped, sniffing loudly, "Mom said he's in a better place now, but I want him back.

"I know, sweetie, I know. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there at that moment." Leon bent down to her, brushing her hair from her face, still gently stroking her back, hoping to ease those tears a little, but it seemed terrible. This is not a situation where you could turn everything into a joke or make her pay attention to something else.

Father's mind rightly told him only that it was necessary for Jane to survive this. That sometimes those we love inevitably leave. An experience that no one wants to go through on their own skin, and Leon himself never wanted such suffering for his daughter.

Leon spoke again only when the children's sobs subsided under his caring hand.

"We all loved him very much, even when he was doing his cat chores past the tray or gnawing on the wires," he smiled, feeling that D/N had done the same, even if she wasn't looking at him. "But unfortunately, the life of animals is much shorter than that of humans. And yet, despite this, I'm sure he was a happy cat. Has anyone offended him?"

She took a deep breath, wiping tears from her cheeks with her palm, finally looking at her father with tear-stained eyes and quietly shook her head in denial.

"N-no" the stuffed toy was back in her hands "But you used to swear at him sometimes"

"Well, sometimes Oliver behaved badly, I mean that some animals are much less lucky. I've never been mad at him for a long time, even when you were very young. You were just born then and you were lying in your crib when Oliver scratched you because you cried."

Leon shrugged, remembering the past, smiling involuntarily.

D/N frowned, scratching her swollen face, clearly not believing Leon's words.

"He didn't hurt me. We always played and he slept next to me."

"It was the only time. I think you were just something new to him and he was scared of loud noises."

These words brought a short smile to her face, which couldn't help but please Leon. He settled down more comfortably next to her, pressing D/N to his shoulder, watching as she gradually began to calm down.

With a heavy sigh, a new stream of tears nevertheless gushed from her eyes after several minutes of silence. "I miss him".

"Shh, I know it's hard. It's really hard but it happened. His life is over and Mom didn't lie to you - Oliver really is in a better place now."

Leon held her small body close to him, letting her cry and cry. His strong embrace protected, but hardly comforted. Even when you came into the room, hearing another cry, this sight of your daughter's tears tore you apart. An endlessly long stage of denial of grief and a childish selfish desire for a beloved cat to come back to life no matter what. You wanted this too, but no one has such power.

You sat down on the other side of the bed so that D/N was in the middle of the two of you, however, it seemed that she did not notice your presence, but you still gently stroked her hair, looking into Leon's eyes, feeling helpless.

Until Leon took her on his lap and kissed the top of her head, ignoring the fact that his shirt and sleeve were now covered in saliva and snot. However, he is a father and this is not the worst thing he could get dirty in.

"Baby, listen to Daddy for a minute," Leon brushed the hair from her tear-stained face, forcing her to look at him, "Do you remember when we watched the cartoon 'all dogs go to heaven'? "

D/N nodded, clutching his arm. You were just reaching for the bedside table for paper handkerchiefs, taking out a couple of them, wiping her face while Leon was talking:

"Of course, the cartoon was about dogs, but it wasn't entirely true. In fact, not only dogs get to heaven, but also cats, birds, hamsters, guinea pigs, it doesn't matter, all pets. And our Oliver is there now too."

"So he's just like Charlie now?" Her voice was hoarse from crying.

Leon nodded, hugging her to him. "Yeah, our Oliver is in the best place now, just like Charlie."

"Can't he wind up the clock too and stay with us a little longer? "

You cast a brief glance at Leon, either rejoicing at the brief glimmer of calm, or on the contrary disapproving of using the plot of an old cartoon as a consolation. On the other hand, what's wrong with a child believing that a pet has gone to heaven after death? At least it would help her start accepting death, because despite still young age, you didn't want to deceive her by coming up with excuses just to hide the painful truth.

It didn't seem like a good idea. So you reached out to D/N, joining the conversation without abandoning your husband in trouble:

"Sweetie, alas, but no. Oliver can no longer come back to us, but he knows that we love him and miss him. And he loves us too."

"Besides," Leon chimed in, "if you remember, no one had the right to wind that clock."

There was that deafening silence again, broken only by sighs and sniffing. Neither you nor Leon dared to speak again while Jane sat quietly on his lap with her eyes downcast, thinking about something of her own. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. After all, this cannot even be considered as such a deception, just a way to cope with the loss.

Cautiously glancing at his wristwatch, Leon saw what time it was and realized that Jane usually falls asleep at this time, but leaving her alone at such a moment... After kissing her on the forehead, Leon easily lifted her into his arms, feeling her arms around his neck as he carried her to your shared bedroom. You didn't even have time to understand anything, just watching with wide eyes as he nods at you in the direction of the door.

"We're not going to cry anymore, are we?" he asked D/N, and although she wiped her cheeks, she still shrugged her shoulders from ignorance, "I bought us all ice cream, so now we're going to wash our faces with you, and then mom will bring us a bucket of ice cream and the three of us will eat and watch cartoon, how do you like this plan?"

Finally she smiled nodding her head in agreement. How could you object? While they were washing in the bathroom, you straightened the bed, took a pillow and a blanket from the nursery and put them in the middle of the bed, then went downstairs, took them out of the freezer, not forgetting the spoons. By the time you returned to the room, Leon and D/N had already selected a cartoon, launched it for viewing and were waiting only for you.

laying down next to her side of the bed, dimming the light, you could see Jane was tired, but she still ate ice cream for a while, after which she settled comfortably under Leon's armpit, falling asleep pretty quickly without watching the cartoon. At least you can all get some sleep.

"So all pets go to heaven?" You asked quietly as you got into bed and watched Leon carefully place Jane's head on the pillow so that he could take a bath and go to bed himself.

He just sighed, grabbing a towel and a set of clothes from the closet, turning to you, speaking in a whisper so as not to wake the child.

"So be it. In the end, despite all the cat's antics, I also want to believe that this cat is now somewhere where he is good." He bent down to leave a short kiss on your lips.

"You don't believe it," you said, stopping him in the aisle, forcing him to turn around and look at you again. "Allright, the main thing is that it worked and she was able to calm down a little."

Leon looked at you sadly as you put the empty bucket on the bedside table lying down next to D/N. After all, it was difficult for you too, but crying in front of a child was unacceptable. However, he knew that you were the one who sheltered Oliver, which is why his death hurt you no less, if not more.

"It doesn't matter what I believe, with my job it's hard to believe in something like that, but now I really want to think that all pets go to heaven. And not only them..."

Fair or not, you both lay in bed for a long time without falling asleep, listening to your daughter's childish snores. After the shower, Leon held your hand for a long time in silence, realizing that it was not only Jane who really needed comfort, but you too.

All pets go to heaven... falling asleep you also wanted to believe that your Oliver is now in a place where he will never feel bad or that perhaps he will really come back again in the form of another cat.

[untildawnss]

tailspin - joshua washington (until dawn)

in which josh always felt like the odd one out in his family and group of friends.

yes, i like to hurt my own feelings, why do you ask?

definitely inspired by myself and a few songs: gasoline by halsey, work in progress by the dangerous summer, 100 bad days by ajr, yes i'm a mess by ajr, breakdown by you me at six, i wanna get better by the bleachers, overwhelmed by royal & the serpent, panic room by au/ra, young by girli, crawling by linkin park

cw: depression, suicidal ideation, angst, attempted suicide

wc: 2.8k

josh looked down at the half-empty cup that he was balancing between his knee and the thumb and index finger of his right hand, tilting it down and back up right before the drink spilled over. his left thumb touched the tip of his index finger, then his middle finger, ringfinger and pinkie and back again while he inhaled for four seconds, held that breath for four seconds, exhaled for four seconds and then paused for another four seconds. he was uncomfortably aware of his heartbeat. "hey, josh!" it took him a second to realise that someone was talking to him. "josh, we're up." the cup in his hand slipped slightly. "what?" josh looked up and there was chris, doing lunges and kicks and punching the air. "beerpong, bro! what's wrong with you?" everything. "nothing, just got really into planning my strategy." he drained the cup, forced his face into the well-practiced, toothy grin that he sported in every picture and whooped. "let's fucking go, bro! these suckers won't know what hit 'em."

the noise of the party was gone. josh could have called a cab or ordered an uber but he craved the fresh air and quiet that the walk home guaranteed. no driver trying to make conversation, no fastest route. he wasn't sure if he wanted to go home. sometimes it didn't feel like home. he felt out of place. his sisters had each other, their parents were barely involved anymore. and then there was him. josh. the oldest, the problem, the one that just didn't fit in. and he was going where his feet were taking him now. he'd had a lot to drink. he didn't feel like he made sense the way he was, just a bit off, like he was not entirely one single, whole person. just pieces of someone that were held together by the people around him. but there was no one around now and josh felt like he was crumbling, falling apart atom by atom. the darkness was suffocating and liberating at the same time and he stood still for a second or two. his hands were shaking and he didn't know why. now that he was alone he wished he wasn't. but he couldn't stand being around his friends either. because maybe they hated him as much as he hated himself.

josh's room was pitch black. even hannah and beth were already asleep when he finally snuck into the house. the buzz from the party had more than worn off at this point and his ears were ringing. it felt like someone was sitting on his chest, he definitely couldn't breathe right and his heart was beating faster. naturally, he'd made his way to the cabinet where his parents kept the booze to sneak another two or six big gulps of vodka or whiskey or whatever his hands could find in the dark corner of the room. just to calm down, to sleep. and here he was, throat burning and that ache in his chest still pulsing, pumping, stabbing. he could barely breathe. josh's eyes were stinging. he was tired now, away from everyone and everything. almost like a sensory deprivation chamber, if it wasn't for the creases in the sheets and the wrinkles in his shirts he felt against his back and thighs and calves. he hated it, being this aware of his own body. the old clock on the wall was ticking. he was trying to breathe in time with the ticking hand, four seconds, four seconds. but his lips were quavering and his eyes were stinging and he felt like he was choking. and then he was crying.

he'd fallen asleep at one point because someone was opening his curtains and the bright morning light stung in his still puffy eyes. someone sat down on the side of his bed. his body shifted with the dip in his mattress and his stomach lurched. another person plopped down on the other side of the bed. he heaved this time. "leave me alone," josh groaned. "mom and dad said to wake you up or we're not taking you to the beach." hannah and beth sounded excited. "don't wanna go to the beach. i'm not feeling well." josh pulled his blanket over his head. he felt his mattress shifting again, the twins' weight on his left and right vanishing. they left the door open. he heard someone else walk in and close the door. his mattress shifted again. a hand pulled the blanket off his face and gently stroked the side of his face. mom. he felt like crying again. "joshua, you're not feeling well?" she always used his given name when he wasn't well. "we can stay home." no, i'll ruin everything. "no, you can go. i'll call you if i need anything." she kissed his forehead. "are you sure?" no. he nodded. "okay." she closed the door when she walked out and he heard them, having fun, without him, as a family. they don't need me.

josh felt paralysed. some invisible, intangible force was trapping him in this bed, his bed. it had been a few hours since his family had left for the weekend trip to the beach. he had barely moved since then. the afternoon sun was reflecting off of the clock on his wall. it was still friday. he still had until sunday until his parents and sisters would get back. and he didn't belong. not really, anyway. hannah and beth were a few years younger and anything he'd never managed to achieve, they had. he was just the one that fell off the wagon years ago and had messed up the picture perfect family. there was a kind of disconnect, his body seemed to move without his input sometimes. he barely remembered getting in the shower or having breakfast, or maybe it was lunch at this point. josh could barely decide if he wanted to be alone or not before he had sent a text to the group chat with his friends asking them if they had any plans for tonight. it was too late now but he was barely convinced they liked him when he was at his best anyway, so what difference did it really make now?

they'd all agreed to come over to his place since his parents were out. they had invited more people, too. i should be fine. but he wasn't. there were so many people everywhere and he wished they would just leave. he should be fine, but he was not. he was anxious. he could barely move around his house without walking in on conversations or kisses or more. it was getting hard to breathe again. josh felt like someone was crushing his chest. but he was standing upright, just tipsy and dying to get out of this house, his house where everyone else wanted to stay and have fun. but something was happening to him and his breathing was getting shallower and he was stumbling, tumbling, falling up the stairs looking for a door that would keep him safe from whatever was going on down there. and then josh was in a bedroom, a guestroom that was barely ever used and he was clawing at his chest, at the heart that was beating the wrong way and making him gasp for air and everything was painful and he hit the floor, still clutching his chest. and josh wished he had never asked anyone for anything, not even their time. everyone was here and he was here and breaking down and the door was closed but it was barely anything between him fighting for his life and everyone else having fun. they don't need me. no one needs me. they didn't, they really didn't. he was living in the house with the fun stuff that rich people had. but if he just disappeared they'd still have hannah and beth. because everyone loved them. and he was just there.

josh had been in this room for a while. might've been minutes, might've been days. he didn't remember. maybe he was somewhere else. didn't matter, really. he was like a ship adrift, waves of consciousness crashing into him, bouncing him, left and right, port and starboard. faces flashed before his eyes, maybe friendly. and he was here, his back against a hard surface and two faces he knew in front of him. "sam, is he okay?" chris sounded panicked. there was something pressing against his neck. "he has a pulse. he's fine, he's alive, he's fine, chris." chris and sam. they were here. "what's up, guys?" he could barely hear himself. maybe he was slurring his words. he did drink a lot. "josh, you good?" chris was leaning in closer. josh gave him a thumbs up and tried grinning like he always did. "i'm good, cochise." he tried to aim the finger guns at chris. maybe he aimed them at sam. he wasn't sure. and before he knew it he was upright and there was sam on one side and chris on the other and he tried to walk where they were taking him but he was too drunk and so slow.

josh was in his bed again. there was still music downstairs. and he was tired but he wasn't. he wanted to scream, to tell everyone to shut up. but his body wouldn't move the way he wanted it to. he let his hands sweep around him to find his phone. there it was, neatly placed on his bedstand next to a glass of, probably, water. he was too far from coherent to understand the words on the screen the way he normally did. he had to bring the screen as close as possible and squint and finally his eye focused on the words. he tapped on chris' name. it took him a while, seeing as he was one handed and one eyed but josh finally managed to send a message to chris. who's still here? where are you? the words felt like heavy lifting, or maybe it was just the oncoming hangover that made him feel this way. we're getting everyone to go home. yeah, that was probably best. josh could barely type and send his response before he passed out again.

when josh woke up it was saturday. maybe midday or the afternoon. whatever. but there were no more people in his house and there was trash everywhere and a note from chris on the inside of the front door. we tried our best. and josh smiled because chris and sam could've left everything for him to clean up but they didn't. maybe they didn't hate him. he didn't dare debate this now that he was alone and had to clean the house. he preferred to believe that maybe they did like him. and so he turned on the music and turned it up to the point his parents would intervene because it would give him tinnitus.

josh started collecting all the disposable cups and pizza boxes he could find around the house and on the patio. chris and sam had probably done a lot already because there had been so many people last night, he still filled almost an antire bag. he craved a cigarette. no one knew he had started smoking. maybe chris, but he wouldn't say anything. i should be fine. he wasn't. he wasn't fine at all. josh spent the rest of the day trying to clean the house, just trying to make sure his parents wouldn't realise he'd had a party.

but when the night came he was restless again. and he couldn't resist. blades seemed so vulgar. he'd put his father's gun to his head before, once or twice, just to know how it felt. and now it was 4 in the morning and he just wanted to not exist. and the pills were right there. but josh wasn't sure. did he want to go out that way? he didn't actually know. but the music was playing and he there were the pieces of everyone he loved the most flashing before his eyes. there was beth. you can't wake up. there was hannah. this is not a dream. mom. you're part of a machine. dad. you are not a human being. chris. with your face all made up, living on a screen. sam. low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline. josh. i think there's a flaw in my code. and he didn't know if this was real anymore. he knew he didn't fit in. i'm not scared. at least he tried not to be. but he was.

and josh tried, he really tried. but his pills were right there and he was just a disturbance in the perfect life his friends and family were living, right? they won't miss me. the thought was bouncing and bumping and jumping around and around in his head. he wanted to get better but he didn't know how, how, how. nothing helped and even drinking helped for a few hours at most. and they don't want me anyway. he was sure they didn't. they had hannah and beth and they got trophies and awards and everything he didn't. and sam liked hannah better anyway. and chris, chris would find a new friend. someone cooler than him.

he had deliberated, thought about this. there was really nothing else to do, nothing he could do, was there? but it was barely an hour until his family was supposed to be back. and he was panicking because he didn't want to see him like this but there was no other way. josh cried again. but because he had waited too long. and he was sitting on his bed, a glass of water and almost a month's supply of pills on his bedstand. oh death. and he begged for gods he didn't believe in to take him. and so he stuffed the pills in his mouth and it took him three, four, five, six gulps to swallow them all. and josh sat there and he was fine and he didn't want to be. he wanted to die and he took his pills, all at one,. and he was fine and he hated it. and then his vision blurred and his head started to hurt and then he could barely breathe and he got up and he was stumbling towards the door and he couldn't breathe and he opened his door but he was short of breath and he dropped to his knees, gasping for breath. and then he was aspirating and he heard someone call his name and pressure on his chest and he wasn't sure if it was heaven or hell but there were the faces of the people he loved. his parents. hannah. beth. and he wanted to live. he didn't want to die anymore. and he needed them to know. and he was fighting, trying to dig himself up because it felt like he was buried alive and he clawed and punched and gasped and breathed until he was surrounded by machines and white and a hospital room and was choking on a tube. and his parents and sisters were there and all of them looked like they were crying. a nurse pulled the breathing tube out of his throat and informed the room that he was breathing on his own again. and josh started crying. and hannah and beth were on him, clawing at him as if he was the only thing that mattered and their parents were crying and telling him that they were sorry. and josh was crying, returning the hug. "i didn't mean to. i didn't want to." and he was sobbing and grabbing at every part of his sisters he could reach. "i didn't want to die. i don- i don't want to die." hannah and beth had removed themselves from josh's figure in the hospital bed, already informing their friends that josh was alive. melinda washington had sat down on the side of his bed, her husband behind her, a hand on his shoulder, his face a carefully curated mask. "mommy, i didn't want to die. mommy, please, i didn't want to die." josh was crying, begging, pleading. melinda washington knew they'd technically made a decision but seeing her son like this was different. but her husband wouldn't budge. melinda beckoned her daughters closer to prepare them but wondered if there was really a preparation for not seeing your brother, your son for at least a few months. bob was more than prepared to have joshua committed. she really wasn't but knew that there was nothing she could to do help him. so she went along with his decisions. just a few weeks, maybe months until they could see josh again.

[parismemes]

SENTENCE STARTERS FROM EPIC: THE MUSICAL - THE WISDOM SAGA

LEGENDARY

"It's just me, myself and I."

"I'm stuck with your stories, but no clue who you are."

"Come and give me a sign."

"If I fight those monsters, is it you I'll find?"

"I know life and fate are scary, but I wanna be legendary."

"There are strangers in our halls."

"It's not much longer we can stall."

"They're getting impatient. Dangerous, too."

"I would fight them if I was half as strong as you."

"Somebody help me!"

"Come and give me the strength."

"Can I do whatever it takes to keep my mom safe?"

"Where is he?"

"Give me a chance. A single opportunity."

"Don't you dare call my mother a tramp!"

"What'cha gonna do about it, champ?"

LITTLE WOLF

"Wanna entertain me?"

"Let's see how you take this."

"You've made your worst mistake here."

"You'll have run out of bones to break when you and I are through."

"I'll teach you all the lessons your daddy never could."

"This cruel world doesn't give out presents just for being good."

"Don't you know it's fight or fly?"

"Run away before you die."

"Need some help?"

"What's going on here?"

"I suggest you fight back."

"Uppercut him. Now."

"Woah, that is so sick!"

"Let's try this again."

"I've no respect for bullies."

"Let's teach this dog a lesson in front of all his kind."

"One young wolf has a larger heart than all these men combined."

"Show them that you've got some bite."

"Don't go down without a fight!"

"...Maybe I pushed you a bit too hard."

"Go back and cry in your corner."

"Tell me why you came to my aid."

WE'LL BE FINE

"I had a friend before, and he was a lot like you."

"Maybe, if I'd made a different call..."

"I don't know who your friend is."

"My time with you's been splendid."

"I got in a fight and I didn't die!"

"I've never felt strong before."

"You're my friend, I couldn't ask for more."

"Maybe it's time that you lend a hand."

"If not his friend, then mine."

"Maybe to fall is to learn one way."

"Maybe it's all gonna turn out great."

"I know we'll be fine."

"I know it's light you'll find."

"You're a good kid."

LOVE IN PARADISE

"Old friend, it's been ten years since I last saw you."

"Let's see where you've been."

"Where did you go?"

"Morning, sleepyhead! You've been resting for a while."

"Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

"I've got all you could want here!"

"Just you and me, my dear."

"Soon into bed we'll climb, and spend our time..."

"I'm not your man."

"I'm what you want."

"From here on out, you're mine."

"Hell no, I could kill you where you stand!"

"Last I checked, goddesses can't die."

"We've got all we could want here."

"No one can come or go."

"I don't belong here!"

"There's something wrong here."

"Time can take a heavy toll."

"All I hear are screams."

"Get away from the ledge."

"You don't know what I've gone through."

"You don't know what I've sacrificed."

"Come back inside, dear."

"Let me close my eyes."

"I'll stay inside your heart."

"Life would be so much worse if you had died."

"Stay in my open arms."

"He needs my help."

GOD GAMES

"Rarely do I ask for favors."

"Divine intervention; is that what you seek?"

"You're playing with thunder for a man full of shame."

"Why not make it a game?"

"Bring it."

"We all know I'm a fan of catchy songs."

"All he did was reimburse them."

"Trust is not given, it's forged."

"Why should I give him my support?"

"If you make the right decision, he can still build a future with those who miss him."

"He was busy fighting."

"Let him feel the pain that his mother felt and rot."

"Please reconsider this!"

"Really, ___, these old tricks?"

"What kind of sick coward holds back his power?"

"Tell your lover that a broken heart can mend!"

"To get back to his homestead, he'll make everybody bleed."

"He's got the mind of a genius."

"I've played your game and won!"

"You dare to defy me?"

"No one beats me."

"Bring her through the wringer."

"Is she dead?"

"Let him go, please!"

[inspirationalucky]

EPIC: THE WISDOM SAGA PROMPTS & STARTERS.

of course, go ahead and change names/pronouns/etc as necessary to fit your muse or the situation! please do not add more lines/prompts to this post!

Legendary

"It's just me, myself, and I."

"I'm dreaming of all these monsters that I'll never get to fight!"

"I wish I could, so I could bring the world some light!"

"I'm stuck with your stories, but no clue who you are"

"If I fight those monsters, is it you I'll find?"

"I know life and fate are scary, but I wanna be legendary"

"They keep taking space, and there's not much longer we can stall."

"They're getting impatient. Dangerous, too."

"I would fight them if I was half as strong as you."

"Can I do whatever it takes to keep my mom safe?"

"It's been twenty years, and we still have no king."

"Give me a chance, a single opportunity, and I'll overcome these obstacles and scrutiny"

"Don't you dare call my mother a tramp!"

"I just did. Whatchu gonna do about it, champ?"

"If I fight this monster, is it you I'll find?"

Little Wolf

"Wanna entertain me?"

"Let's see how you take this."

"Wanna be a man? Then fight."

"You've made your worst mistake here. Might be your last one, too"

"You'll have run out of bones to break when you and I are through"

"I'll teach you all the lessons your daddy never could"

"This cruel world doesn't give out presents just for being good"

"Run away before you die"

"Is your plan to stand around? ‘Cause I suggest you fight back"

"Uppercut him. Now."

"Woah. How did I do that?”

"Is time now moving slow?"

"Woah, this is so sick!"

"Alright, now. Let’s try this again"

"I've no respect for bullies, those who impose their will"

"I've seen plenty enough to truly understand this kind of filth"

"Let's teach this dog a lesson in front of all his kind"

"One young wolf has a larger heart than all these men combined"

"Show them that you've got some bite"

"Take advantage now and strike."

"Don't go down without a fight!"

"Ooooh, maybe I pushed a bit too hard..."

"Go back and cry in your corner. Make sure your mother hears."

"Tell me, [ Athena ], why you came to my aid?"

We'll Be Fine

"I had a friend before and he was a lot like you"

"I helped him fight through war"

"He had his demons too"

"Then we grew apart, then his light went dark"

"Maybe if I'd made a different call, maybe he'd be fine"

"Maybe if I hadn't missed it all, maybe he'd be fine"

"Maybe if I helped another soul, I could sleep at night"

"I don't know who your friend is. I don't know what he's like."

"My time with you has been splendid. The best day of my life!"

"I got in a fight and I didn't die! I've never felt strong before!"

"You're my friend, I couldn't ask for more"

"Maybe it's time that you lend a hand. I don't think he'll mind"

"Maybe to fall is to learn one way"

"Maybe it's all gonna turn out great"

"I know we'll be fine"

"I know it's light you'll find."

"You're a good kid"

Love in Paradise

"Old friend, it's been ten years since I last saw you."

"Let's see where you've been."

"[ Odysseus ], where did you go?"

"Morning sleepyhead, you've been resting for a while"

"I swore that you were dead when you washed up on my isle"

"Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

"Anyways, I've got all you could want here & all you could need here."

"Hello no, I could kill you where you stand!"

"I'm no pet! I'm a married man!"

"You may try, but last I checked, goddesses can't die"

"You're adorable! Bow down, now, to the immortal [ Calypso ]"

"But fear not, I bring no pain"

"We've got all we could want here"

"Under my spell, we're stuck in paradise"

"No one can come or go, my island stays unknown"

"No, no! I don't belong here, there's something wrong here!"

"I won't be drawn to love in paradise!"

"Seven years she's kept you trapped out of your control... time can take a heavy toll."

"You don't know what I've gone through! You don't know what I've sacrificed"

"Every comrade I long knew, every friend... I saw them die, and all I hear are screams"

"It will be fine, dear. Come back inside"

"I know your life's been hard, I'll stay inside your heart"

"Life would be so much worse if you had died"

"Please, stay away from harm. Stay in my open arms"

"He needs my help."

God Games

"Father, rarely do I ask for favors..."

"Divine intervention? Is that what you seek?"

"You are playing with thunder for a man full of shame"

"But if he's worth the risk of going under, why not make it a game?"

"Convince each of them that he ought to be released, and I'll release him"

"You all know I'm a fan of catchy songs!"

“I think [ Ody’s ] in the wrong!”

"They were trying to do him worse, all he did was reimburse them!"

"Now they'll treat with caution first, to live another day and sing another verse"

"Trust is not given, it's forged."

"Why should I give him my support?"

"He sacrificed his own cohort"

"Did you forget they failed to listen?"

"He was betrayed and then imprisoned."

"If you make the right decision he can still build a future with those who miss him"

"Your little high and mighty [ Odysseus ] claims to love his mother, but let her die of a broken heart"

"Let him feel the pain that his mother felt and rot"

"Wait! Please, reconsider this"

"Really, [ Athena ]? These old tricks?"

"What kind of sick coward holds back his power while his friends get devoured?"

“He didn’t even try to kill her!”

"Hold your tongue now, his son's my friend!"

"Tell your lover that a broken heart can mend"

"You want more bloodshed? Then set him free"

"To get back to his homestead he'll make everybody bleed"

"So many heroes, so many tales! Give me one good reason why yours should prevail."

"He's got the mind of a genius"

“He’s pretty skilled with words”

“You can do better than that!”

"He's kinda funny!"

"Never once has he cheated on his wife"

"I've played your game and won. Release him."

"You dare to defy me? To make me feel shame?"

"No one beats me. No one wins my game!"

[cozmowrites]

Wistoragic: Thirty Three

Chapter Thirty Three - 890 words

You hadn't meant to fall asleep. The floor was cold and hard, the flickering light above barely illuminating the small closet-like hallway you'd tucked yourself into. You just wanted a break. A quiet place where the chatter, the noise, the pressure of everything could melt away... even if just for a little while. But exhaustion caught up with you, and without realizing it, you'd dozed off.

Emotions of the day were catching up and even though you couldn't really cry still, it was easy to weigh on you and lull you to sleep.

It was deep into the night when the soft shuffle of feet neared your hiding spot. Two figures approached quietly. One with careful, deliberate steps, and the other with more bounce in her stride.

"Are you sure this is where she'd go?" Ashido whispered, her voice echoing slightly against the walls.

"She's not in the camp from what Aizawa-Sensei had said," Uraraka replied. "And she didn't join the others for dinner tonight. It's the only other place I could think of. People don't really check these storage halls much."

They rounded the corner and spotted your curled-up figure near the back of the hallway, resting against some old supply crates. Uraraka's face softened. She hadn't had a chance to speak with you since she arrived back from scouting. She was bombarded by the reunion of her friends. She had seen you, though. Quiet, reserved, always a few steps behind everyone, but never properly met you. And something about that didn't sit right with her.

"There," she said gently, nudging Ashido's arm.

Ashido tilted her head. "Wow, she really is asleep, huh..."

"She looks so tired," Uraraka murmured. "I don't think anyone's checked on her since we got back. I mean.. Todoroki and I."

"Well, Bakugou's been pacing like a psycho," Ashido offered, keeping her voice low. "Guess this explains it. He was worried. He has been worried for her."

Uraraka nodded. "I figured. He never worried for anyone.. so this is really different. That's also part of why I asked you to come with me. I wanted to find her, but also... help him settle a bit. I don't think he knows how to say he's worried out loud."

"Classic Bakugou," Ashido muttered with a grin. "Want me to wake her up?"

"No," Uraraka said, kneeling carefully beside you. "Let me. I haven't introduced myself yet. This is... probably the worst first impression, but..."

She reached out and gently touched your shoulder. "Hey... hey, sorry to wake you," she said, her voice soft and warm.

You stirred slowly, disoriented, blinking against the dim light as your eyes adjusted. Two girls stood over you. One was Ashido. You knew Ashido already, but the other was the unknown friend and classmate of them, smiling kindly and a little sheepish.

"I'm Uraraka Ochako. I just... wanted to say hi. You kind of disappeared from what I've gathered back at camp."

Ashido gave a little wave. "Hey. Sorry to barge in. Didn't want to scare you or anything."

Uraraka smiled a little more. "I figured it was time I introduced myself properly. Especially since earlier... Thought maybe we should actually meet." She had drifted her speech a bit, but reeled back in afterwards.

You sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Your body ached from the cold floor, body hunched over against the wall, and your brain was still catching up, fogged by the remnants of sleep and everything that had happened lately.

"I didn't mean to... I wasn't trying to make anyone worry," you mumbled, voice hoarse and low.

Uraraka shook her head, settling beside you with her knees drawn to her chest. "You don't have to explain. I get it. Sometimes it's easier to be alone than deal with the noise. But, still..." She trailed off, letting the words hang gently in the air.

Ashido leaned casually against the doorway, arms crossed. "Honestly, same. There were days after everything went to hell when I didn't want to be around anyone either. It's just... you've been doing that a lot. Disappearing, I mean. We're all a little worried."

You gave a weak shrug. "It's easier that way. Everyone here has some history. A connection. I don't."

"Doesn't mean you don't matter," Uraraka said softly. "You've survived just like the rest of us. That counts for something. 'Sides. You are basically like one of us. You've been around us all to know each other. Sure, me and Todoroki haven't been around quite as much but we'll get there."

You didn't respond right away, staring at your fingers as they twisted in your lap. But their presence felt... safe. Not forced. Not pitying. Just understanding.

Ashido smirked a little. "You know Bakugou's been losing his mind since he noticed you were gone again. I swear, if he had heat vision, the whole camp would've gone up in flames."

You blinked. "He was?"

Uraraka chuckled under her breath. "He's not good with words. But yeah. He really was."

A strange warmth settled in your chest. You weren't ready to name it.

Uraraka stood, brushing off her pants, then extended a hand to you. "Come back with us? There's some food left, and I think your sleeping bag's probably warmer than this floor."

You hesitated, glancing down the hallway behind them.

"You don't have to talk. Just... be there," she said, her voice gentle. "I'll be with you the entire time, if it helps."

You nodded slowly and reached up to take her hand.

=====

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[astra-aeterna]

aced it

sorry to leave you on that cliffhanger for a while! but i'm back <3

i did also update the tags because i evidently couldn't keep myself from letting my daddy rhys agenda slip into even non-sexual, non-romantic moments.

read chapter 4 - it's awful when it's over on ao3 or catch a snippet below the cut

Fuck. 

Feyre was fucked, and that was the understatement of the century. She’d just run out of the place she lived with the man she’d been engaged to with nothing but her backpack. She didn’t even have a fucking coat, and though Velaris was beginning to thaw into spring, there was still snow on the ground. Plus, it was late in the evening, and the temperatures were starting to dip below freezing. Her racing pulse and swift exit left her slightly overheated, but already the chill was starting to bite at her flushed cheeks.

And she didn’t have anywhere to go.

Campus was her best bet, and she was already bolting in that direction anyway. When she reached central campus, she paused again, panting. What buildings were open past 6pm? She could barely think through the haze of tears and adrenaline that she was lost in, but looked around frantically anyway. A familiar building eventually caught her eye.

The library seemed as good a place as any. Plus, it was full of hidden stacks and places where she could go to cry. 

Autopilot took her to the semi-hidden shelves full of archived medical journals and research publications, which was completely empty late on a Wednesday night. She slumped down in the corner furthest from the door and gave in to the emotions that were overwhelming her body. The dampness of her tears on her cheeks barely registered, not when her brain was running in panicked circles trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. And, a more pressing issue, where the hell she was supposed to stay.

Asking her sisters was an option, one she didn’t want to have to resort to, but when she thought about anyone else— literally anyone— who she could crash with, she came up empty. She could at least wait until she was all cried out before she called Nesta (unfortunately, she was closer), though.

“Fuck,” she whimpered, burying her head in her hands as silent sobs wracked her body.

It could have been seconds or minutes later that she heard the footsteps and felt a gentle tap on her shoulder, but time had ceased to hold much meaning for Feyre as she cried until her eyes hurt (and then cried some more). Her face flushed with embarrassment and she refused to look up at whoever had stumbled upon her, hoping against hope that if she didn’t respond, they’d think she was sleeping and leave her alone. The Mother had a sick sense of humor, though, because the interloper didn’t go away. There was a rustling noise, the sound of somebody setting their backpack down, and then the sense that the person had sat down next to her.

“Please,” she whispered, hoarse despite the soundless nature of her sobs. “Please, just leave me alone. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” a smooth, deep voice replied, ever so gently. She knew that voice, but her addled brain couldn’t quite place it. “Feyre, darling, what’s wrong?”

Oh. Of fucking course it was Rhysand. Of fucking course he showed up just in time to bear witness to the most humiliating moment of her life. She didn’t move, keeping her head in her hands, willing her voice not to break when she spoke. “How did you find me?”

“You’re… in a library open to the public. And I needed to dig up some old studies as a favor to Amren,” he said, then huffed. “Fuck, Feyre, that doesn’t matter. You’re hiding out in the library late at night, crying.”

As if she needed that reminder. She knew all too well where she was and what she was doing, and she would've much preferred to have done it alone. But this was Rhysand, and he was just as stubborn as her. Feyre took a deep breath to steady herself, wiped futilely at her cheeks (probably just worsening the smears of mascara that ran down her face from her tears), and looked over at him. She was never fully prepared to meet that discerning indigo gaze, not when it felt as if he saw through to her very core, and this was no exception. 

He was closer than she expected— closer than she thought she'd ever been— because she could clearly see that those unique eyes, such a deep blue they seemed purple, were threaded with silver, like they held the stars themselves within, and looked at her with unmasked worry. 

“Why do you care?” Her voice came out flat and tired rather than biting, but it was probably better that way. Even if it was Rhys, at least there was one person who seemed to care about her right then. The tension was slowly melting out of her shoulders as if her body recognized that his presence meant safety.

“Because you’re hiding in the stacks, crying, and… missing your coat, I think?” He frowned, brows furrowing as his eyes darted around the space for any sign of the pink coat she’d been wearing earlier that day.

Feyre sniffed, a pitiful sound that made her want to hide away from Rhys again, to escape that burning gaze of his. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

One of his hands reached out, slowly, as if she were a feral animal, and came to rest on her shoulder— the one Tamlin had pinned to the wall. But it didn't hurt. He was warm. She let it happen, refusing to admit to herself that the gentle weight of his touch was comforting, reassuring.

“Do I need a reason?”

“I… guess not,” she conceded, casting her eyes to her lap, unable to look at him. If she looked and saw that concern for her written across his face, she’d break down again, and she’d just barely managed to stem the flow of her tears. “But I’ve been a massive bitch to you—”

“Which I happen to find amusing. Don’t worry about it, I promise I don’t mind. Now, stop avoiding the question, Feyre. What is wrong?”

[atlasscrumpit]

Miguel O'hara x reader

Do you still love me?

Miguel had lost you, his worst fears were coming true. You'd told him you would be home at 6pm and it was now 9pm.

Miguel hadn't exactly told you but the promise ring he'd gotten you two years ago had a tracker in it.

He needed to make sure you were always safe.

Especially in this situation.

He tracked your location down to a small alleyway and he panicked.

Thoughts rushed through his head that maybe he would find you dead.

But, when he got to the end of the alleyway he saw you standing in the corner panting.

"Y/N? Baby?" He called out as he cautiously stepped forward.

"Go home, Miguel." You muttered, not turning around.

"Y/N, you worried me. I thought you were dead!" Miguel scolded as you till turned away from him.

"We have to go home, Y/N." Miguel said before you turned around and he saw you covered in blood.

His eyes widened and he went to rush forward before a little girl stepped in front and stopped him.

She began hitting Miguel.

"No! Get away!" She screamed before you placed your hand on her shoulder.

"Molly! It's okay, he's not going to hurt us." You said as Miguel looked at you in confusion.

"Y/N, explain all of this right now." Miguel demanded as he stared at you.

"He wasn't going to stop... He was hurting her and I couldn't... I couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry." Miguel whispered as his eyes travelled down to beside you where he saw a dead body.

"Y/N, what have you done?" Miguel said in disbelief as you felt tears in your eyes.

"No one will miss him, Miguel! It doesn't matter!" You shouted as Miguel looked at you in shock.

"Come on, we have to get out of here." He said as the little girl looked at you in fear.

"I'm not leaving her." You growled as Miguel looked down at the young girl.

"Fine, but we have to get out of here. Now." Miguel said as he grabbed your bloody hand, you quickly grabbed Molly and rushed out of the alleyway.

"She saved me! You're stupid!" Molly shouted at Miguel as he shook his head.

"Molly, it's okay." You said, holding onto her hand tighter.

You followed Miguel until you finally got back to your apartment.

"Go shower, Y/N." Miguel demanded as you settled Molly down on the couch and went to shower.

"She's a hero. You're a stupid man for being angry." Molly grumbled with her arms crossed.

"You're a kid, you don't understand any of this." Miguel said as Molly glared at him.

"That bad man was hurting me! He always hurt me! She stopped him and protected me!" Molly yelled at Miguel as he sighed and sat down.

"I'm angry because I don't want to lose her. I love her more than anything and I know she means well but I can't have her taken away from me. So, sometimes it makes me a bit...scary." Miguel said as Molly looked at him.

"Do you hurt her?" She asked as Miguel looked back at her.

"No, never. She's the love of my life and I would never hurt her." Miguel said before you came out of the shower in new clothes.

Miguel rushed forward and hugged you tightly.

"I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have acted that way, I just got so angry...and scared that I might lose you." Miguel whispered as he hugged you tightly.

You cuddled into him and took a deep breath.

"I didn't... I didn't mean it, I saw what he was going to do and I couldn't stop." You whispered as you began to cry softly. Miguel hugged you as tight as he could.

"Sorry I called you stupid, you seem okay." Molly said making you chuckle and wipe away your tears.

Miguel held onto your hand as he smiled softly.

"It's okay, you were just protecting her." Miguel said as she smiled.

--

You got Molly to get to sleep in yours and Miguel's bed.

You decided to just sleep on the couch together. Whilst you were wrapped up in Miguel's arms you thought for a bit.

"Do you think less of me now?" You asked as he stroked your hair softly.

"Of course not... I think even more of you. You put yourself at risk to save an innocent life. I'm meant to be the hero, remember?" He said making you chuckle softly.

"I'll leave it to you next time, love."

[swampstew]

Roronoa Zoro, O-67 ~ Mirror Sex

Summary: Drabble of kinky mirror sex with Zoro - who is technically posessing the mirror. Is inside the mirror? Is the mirror? Instructions unclear, but reader fucks a mirror.

Warnings: Spicy, female reader implies, Zoro is an Ungaikyō (I was originally going to do poltergeist Zoro but I learned so much about Yokai and Tsukumogami and since Zoro would be from Japan irl per Oda, I wanted to pay respect to his heritage as best I can while writing what I write, jokey summary aside that's just my personality. I'm doing it in the same way I used Scottish lore for the Killer (and Eustass Kid) fic on Monday), Reader is technically kidnapped and it might be dubious consent if you look at it a certain way. Idk adding the tags to not scare or harm. Word Count: 646

Zoro as an Ungaikyō

You didn’t know where the mirror came from, just that it stood at your doorstep the day after you moved into your new place. It looked cleaned and cared for, and the standing mirror’s ornate frame was unlike anything you’d ever seen before. Of a metal you couldn’t hope to identify. Free is free – you placed it in the corner of your bedroom next to your walk-in closet and didn’t think much about it for a few months.

You weren’t sure if you looked amazing because of the lighting or angles or what, but that mirror had you feeling yourself. You used it more than your bathroom vanity, favorite compact, or the large circular mirror hanging on the wall next to your front door so you could spot check before leaving your place. You LOVED your mirror. You once got drunk and self-pitied after a bad date and kissed your mirror just off to the side. You never wiped it off.

Then HE showed up. A few nights after the kiss mark. You had tried to sleep but were restless and horny with no one to do anything about it. So you grabbed your trusty vibrator. You heard a deep voice encouraging you, giving you hints and ideas. At first it scared you, but you didn’t find the source of the voice (even after inspecting for spyware, peepholes, hackings, and had your place raided by the cops twice) and then you decided to let it enable you. It went on for a month before he finally showed his face in the reflection of the mirror. When you were brave enough to demand he make himself known.

His name was Zoro. He said his soul gained consciousness inside the mirror after over a century of being trapped inside it. Unable to leave. He said he didn’t know how he came to be at your doorstep, and that he had no recollection of the previous owner as he had gained consciousness a month after you found. He was fucking gorgeous – tall, ripped body, scars over his body and face, three dangling earrings from one earlobe. Why the appearance? He said it felt right. And you couldn’t argue, the sight alone nearly made you drool. Especially when you developed a mutual relationship. He didn’t have to hide anymore, and you didn’t need to be disappointed by fuckboys.

Your bond cemented when you saw his cock. That he was able to get aroused and release like a mere mortal man. You made yourself cream and rubbed it against the reflective surface.

For months you fucked that mirror. Being able to work from home and not having a social life, and giving up on dating, meant you were able to cum for days straight. You went as far as attaching a life-size ejaculating dildo to the glass surface. You laid it on the floor and rode him until you were a crying, sweaty mess – gushing over your reflections. Fake cum ran from between your legs, his cum spraying his delicious abs.

“I wish you were on this side, so I could fuck you and feel that warmth for myself. Bury deep into you and cum like I’ve wanted since the first time you showed me your beautiful pussy.”

It was then you realized that the ornate frame was actually three swords intertwined and bound to the mirror on around the edges. He said if you really loved him, really wanted to feel his cock push into your tight and welcoming cunt, that all you had to do was let each blade lick your blood. Like giving yourself a paper cut. You trembled, naked and hungry for him. You followed his instruction.

Zoro never once mentioned the part about being able to trap you inside the mirror with him. And you weren’t his only plaything on his side.

19 tiles to go, 18 calls made so far.

[delusioncorner]

Gasp, Imposter!

Nightwing x Reader (T)

[Y/n] is a newer Bludhaven-based vigilante who has been steadily gaining the trust of a certain blue and black bird-themed masked hero. after he goes MIA for a week, he returns looking....slightly different.

-

I sit atop a building, listening to my completely-normal-totally-not-altered radio for any reported crime. It's weird resorting back to this odd secretive and secluded way of patroling but ever since Nightwing up and disappeared last Monday, I have no choice. He was slowly becoming my patrolling partner as much as he swore up and down that he "didn't want me around" and how I was "such a nuisance seriously go bother someone else" but he's a real softy under that dumb spandex exterior. He even gave me a special in-ear a couple of weeks ago just so he could talk to me, even if we were only several blocks away, checking in to make sure I was fairing well and even calling me if he needed help. He's gone though. Where? I don't know but god, hopefully he's okay.

A crackling through the radio snaps me out of my Nightwing-centered trance. I turn it up a little so I can hear the voices better.

...I have reports of a 211 on Red Line South. Backup requested immediately.

The dispatcher sounds a little worried. Maybe a bit too worried for a supposed robbery in progress. Jumping to my feet, I decided that the edge in her voice is enough of a reason for me to go check that out. I shake the nerves off for what feels like the 80th time that week and remind myself that this is not my first rodeo and it will not be the last. I do some stretching, sharing away any nerves. Welcoming that familiar light buzz that fills me every time I know I'm gonna kick some ass and help someone in this shitty town. I take a final deep breath. And I jump. Grappling from building to building. Flying and dipping through the air. As I soar through the sky I can't help but let out a cry of excitement and anticipation. I love this part of my night.

It's when I'm about halfway to Red Line that I see him. Nightwing, just a few buildings over running and jumping in the same direction as me. Does he see me? Does he know I've been worried sick about him for days? Unable to sleep because I had no idea what had happened to him? I go to yell his name but he plummets into an alley before my mouth gets a chance to form the "n". Landing on a fire escape, I wonder if I should go find him and tell him how sick I've been. How I've missed his stupid voice.

"Put the weapon away now!" A loud booming voice shouts, shaking me to my core. He sounds rough and gritty and one would think he was the criminal in question with a dangerous voice like that. Looking down I see Nightwing with his escrima sticks wielded and realize that I was once again a victim to my own thought and while I was pining over him he managed to sprint 2 blocks over to where I am now. I make a move to jump down but that's when I notice something really interesting. He's grown at least like 4 inches? Right? I mean he is looming over that robber- who, upon further examination, did in fact shoot that cop that was on the scene- but the robber couldn't be any taller than me....

I stay at my place on the fire escape and watch as this Nightwing skillfully disarms the menace while causing minimal damage to the man whose name is Doug because of course, returns the bag to the woman who was cowering around the corner, and checks on and stays with the cop lying on the side of the alley until his backup finally shows up 45 minutes later. The whole time I'm watching this I'm taking mental notes. His mannerisms are much stiffer and strict, he's not making his signature quips, and he definitely didn't do some sort of dumb flip while he was fighting that man which he almost always seems to do. When the backup arrives I make my escape to the top of the building. I had nothing to do with that altercation- even though I siked myself up and prepared for the fight of a lifetime with Doug the burglar- so there's really no reason for me to deal with any sort of cops tonight. I sit on the roof thinking about all the differences I spotted while observing Nightwing tonight and I decide that there's 100% something going on with him. Maybe he's ill? No, that can't be it he would've just stayed home, no? Well then maybe he's decided to turn a newer, more serious leaf? Noooo I don't think that's it either he really loves sassily fighting crime. Maybe he's brainwashed? But then why would he still be actively saving people? Wouldn't the brainwashers want him to go underground or something? I really don't think they'd-

"Who are you and why were you watching me?" The man parading as Nightwing snarls. God damn you, brain. I turn around to look for him. I don't see him at first But I know he's up here somewhere. That's when I saw him. A figure in the shadow. Hes big. Bigger than Nightwing that's for sure. Even though he's standing several feet away you can tell that this man is built like a brick house.

"Who are you and why are you pretending to be Nightwing?"

He's silent. Then he says, "I asked you first."

"Yeah okay, that's really mature. I'm Vulpine. You're impersonating my friend and I want to know why. Now you," I tilt my head up to show him I'm not fucking around.

"I'm a friend of Nightwing's. He's going to be out of town for a while but he wanted me to come here and make sure the city is doing fine." The man says this in a curt tone that makes it clear that he isn't going to answer any more questions I ask.

Tsk.

"And you had to dress like him?" Even though I can't see his face I just know he's staring at me.

"I had to make sure I didn't raise any eyebrows." He is very rapidly getting tired of me already. It makes me giddy.

"Hate to break it to you, dude, but little 5-foot-8-biult-like-a-dancer Nightwing is now.... what are you like 6 feet tall? He's somehow grown 4 whole inches in the past week and he's magically built like a freight train? Yeah fucking right. It would've been better if you just showed up in whatever you wear normally. Something akin to a bat, mayhaps?"

"You can't just say 'mayhaps'-"

"I can."

"No. You can't. Listen, I don't know what you know but it's clearly too much. I will be having a discussion with Nightwing about this as soon as possible. If I find out you were lying for even a second, I will find you." He steps out of the shadow he is under to deliver that last line. He's dramatic. I like him.

"Yeah, alright. When you talk to him tell him I miss him. Okay?" I give "Nightwing" a lopsided smile and decide that maybe tonight is not a patrol night. I salute the man and turn, jumping from the roof and grappling away. As I swing toward my house I can only hope that Batman- because that was clearly Batman- relays my message to the real Nightwing.

-

My first fic on here omg! This was loosely based on the newest edition of the Nightwing comic where Bruce dresses up as Nightwing and watches over Bludhaven for him. I thought It would be funny to write because clearly Bruce is built very differently from Dick and I just think it would be SOOOO obvious to others that it wasn't their typical Nightwing. It's not technically a Nightwing/ Reader fic buuuutttttttt it's like implied maybe. Like if you squint there's a small bit of chemistry and a lot of pining. Maybe I'll make another part.

[psilocybe--semilanceata]

There's this...strange daydream I keep falling into, since I'm here. About...them, finding me after. I don't know, somehow being dragged out of that place. Or maybe, just maybe, in this dream I'm important enough for them to rescue me themselves. Either way, they find me, curled up in some corner forgotten by God, see the way I shrink away from their touch like a frightened animal, and they decide to take me back to one of their homes, talking about warm tea and blankets and a cosy fireplace, and I have no choice but to go along.

I don't speak a word on the way there, nor once we're inside. They do exactly as they'd promised, sitting me in front of a fire, wrapping me in blankets and pushing a cup of scalding tea into my shaking hands. And then they just sit with me. Whether they talk at all or not, I can't tell, but their presence is more than I could ever wish for. I'm still terrified, you understand; not only have I just been plucked out from a place made of all my worst nightmares, but...before, with...all those people. I had been made into– No, not made into, they simply realised what I truly am and brought it to light. I am a disgusting, filthy, terrible thing with one only purpose, tainted and broken beyond repair. So what use could they have for me, beyond the one I'd been given for years?

But they don't use me. Not yet, I tell myself. They talk to me, caress me and play with my hair– And God, their fingers feel like glowing hot brands on my skin, like doom and salvation all at once– Until I beg them to stop. And they do. I immediately begin apologising for being so stupid, of course; they're treating me so well and what do I do? Ruin everything, as always. But...they do not seem displeased with me. And that in itself should be a sign that an awful punishment is to come– which would be fair– but they're so gentle, soothing me and telling me I've done nothing wrong, that it's good that I've told them to stop. And it all hurts so badly and it's so warm and the tea is so lovely and. I hate it, I hate every moment if it, it is all so utterly wrong, but I never want to leave. Just another sign of how horrible I truly am.

Which I must mention to them, because, at some point, they suggest bathing me. In order to make me feel less dirty, or something of the sort. And it is one of the most terrifying things I have ever done, sinking into the tub, breathing in the steam and staying perfectly still as they lather soap that smells far too nicely into my skin, taking all the time in the world. Thorough, yet unhurried, as if this is something they enjoy. They touch me so sweetly, kiss every little area they clean, and all I can do is break down in tears and beg them to stop lest they are marked in some way by my filth and apologise for being so disgusting in the first place.

Once they deem me clean enough, they take me out of the tub, dry me up and dress me in comfortable clothes. All with the same tenderness, and I can't stop fucking crying. And I wonder what's coming next, if now that I'm cleaner (at least in the physical sense) I'm good enough to use. But no, that isn't it. They tell me it's time to sleep now, that I need some rest, that I deserve it. So I ask where I'm meant to sleep, expecting a cupboard or simply the cold floor, and they instead request I join them in bed. In the same bed as them. I keep asking whether they're sure whether it's a good idea and they insist, so I follow them in silence and get in their bed under their instruction. I never stop crying, and they never stop petting me and wiping my tears and kissing me. They whisper about how lovely I am, how beautiful, how precious. How good. I am good. They are so glad to have found me, so happy that I'm there with them. I'm safe with them, I will not be hurt here.

I eventually get too tired from crying and fall asleep to their praise and their soft touch. In the morning they will ask me to join them for breakfast, at the table, and I will ask whether I'm allowed to eat and what. They will prepare a plate for me in order to make me feel less pressured, filling it with delicious things, just for me, and we'll eat together like equals, like I'm not just a thing for them to use. Like I'm not just a broken doll, but something precious and good and loved. And I will wish more than anything to be nothing other than theirs for the rest of my life. And my wish will be granted, because they want that just as much as I do.

I...I don't know, none of this makes any sense. Just. A daydream I find myself stuck in far more often than I should. I'm terribly sorry.

[stuckysbaby1938]

In the beginning

Summary: when you get captured by Rumlow and Steve comes to your rescue. Once he has you, he doesn't want to let you go.

warnings: DD/LG lifestyle, mentions of needles, drugging, little space, Rumlow being Rumlow, threats, very light panic attack (just reader saying she can't breath), abuse, mentions of blood, reader cries a lot, choking, mentions of murder, parental death, cursing, pet names (princess, baby, honey, angel, doll),

first person narrative, reader is named in this story

Word count: 4009

********************

"Oh, I'm sorry." I was walking home from the store when I bumped into a tall man. He didn't respond so I tried to walk around him. He stopped me, so I tried to walk backwards only to walk into another chest. I looked behind me to see another man as the one in front started walking towards me. I begin to panic. Two more men came from either side of the street. "Don't worry, we're gonna take good care of you." Right after the man in the front spoke, I felt something poke my neck and then it all went dark.

********************

When I woke up I was in a small room. I immediately started to feel little from fear. I looked around, trying to find a way out when a man opened the door. He was the same man that I bumped into. "Don't be scared, baby." I crawled into the corner, feeling tears burn my eyes. "Don't cry." His voice, which was soft at first, turned cold. It only made me cry harder. "Stop crying." He walked closer. I tried to scoot back, but I was already cornered. "I said stop crying!" He yelled. He came closer. He covered my mouth with his hand. "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you a real reason to cry." I couldn't breathe.

"So are you gonna stop crying? Huh?" He tightened his hand. I nodded as best as I could with his hand forcing my head back. "Good girl." He whispered in my ear. He leaned in close, to close. He started to drag his nose along my neck, making me pull away. He pulled back and looked at me with fury in his eyes. I heard it before I felt it. Heat spread through my cheek from the force of his hand. Tears continue to fall from my eyes. He raised his hand again but he never struck. He put his hand down and turned to the door, laughing as he left. I rolled myself into a ball and cried until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, he was there again. I immediately cower away from him. "You must be hungry. Eat." He slide a tray close to me. I just looked at him from the floor. "I never told you my name. I'm Brock." I didn't respond. "Eat or don't eat. It's up to you, but this is all you get." He got up and left. I looked at the tray. It had a sandwich, a cup of fruit, and a carton of milk like you would get in a cafeteria. I was hungry but didn't want to eat. So I tuck my arms in my shirt and tried to sleep.

I woke up to a bang outside and started to cry. Rumlow walked in and I noticed the blood on his forehead. "You're coming with me." He grabbed my arm and drug me out of the cell. I started to scream only for Brock to slam me into the wall and put his hand around my throat. "You listen to me, you little bitch. You're gonna do what I say so we can get out of here and if you even think about screaming, then I'll cut your fucking tongue out, you hear me?" I nodded. He released my throat and held a finger to his lips. He started walking and I followed him into room after room.

When we got to the third room, I saw a fire extinguisher. Without thinking I grabbed it and threw it at him. It hit him square in the back and when he fell, I ran for it. I had no idea where I was going, I just ran. I didn't stop until I hit what felt like a brick wall. I looked up and saw a man with a mask over his face. I tried to run away from him but a woman was standing in the doorway. I started to cry when I realized there was no way out of here. I backed up into the corner of the room and grabbed the closest thing to me, which was just a pencil, to try and keep them away. The man took off his mask and bent down to look me in the eye.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. There's no need to be afraid, angel." The man walked closer while holding his hands up. I watched him through blurry eyes. "Shhh, don't be afraid. We're here to help you." He kneeled in front of me. "It's okay." He took the pencil and laid it on the ground next to him. "Steve, we gotta go." The woman was now beside Steve. "Working on it, Nat." He never took his eyes off me. Before anyone could say anything else, Brock ran into the room. Steve stood up and looked to Natasha who was looking at Brock. "I see you found my new pet." He stepped closer only for Steve to step in front of me. "Now you can give her back." Brock pointed his gun at Steve. "That's not gonna happen, Rumlow, so put the gun down before I beat your ass. Again." Steve growled. Natasha looked at me. "Dove, do you want to go with him?" I shook my head and cried harder. "You take her to the jet, I'll take care of him." Natasha said walking toward Brock. "You sure?" She nodded. "I can handle myself, Rogers." She smirked and ran at Rumlow.

Before I could see much, Steve picked me up and carried me to the exit. A gunshot rang through the building, making me hold onto Steve tighter. "It's okay, no one can hurt you now. I'm here." He whispered as we got outside. I saw the jet out of the corner of my eye and I could see a few people. Steve walked up the ramp and sat down with me still in his arms. "Where's Nat?" Another man asked. "Taking care of Rumlow. Where Bruce?" Steve started to rub my back to calm me down. "Right here. Are you hurt?" A man with glasses and a tablet came out of a room. "No but I don't know if she is or not." Steve stood and started to walk to the front of the jet. "Where was she?" Bruce asked as he walked beside Steve into the medical bay. "With Rumlow. I don't know for how long or what he did to her." Steve tried to put me down on the table but I didn't let him. Instead I just held onto him.

"Angel, you need to lay down so we can see if you're hurt." He tried to reason. "No, no no! Hims gonna get me!" I screamed. "No, no baby. My friends taking care of him." He looked to Bruce for help. "No! Hims comin'! Don't let him get me!" I cried harder and his in Steve's chest. "Bruce, what do we do?" Steve whispered while rocking me back and forth to calm me down. "I just need her to lay down so I can check her for injuries." Bruce went and grabbed a shot. I screamed at the site of it. "Hey, hey, it's okay angel. If you just lay down and let him check you, then you don't have to have a shot, okay? Can you lay down for me?" I nodded slowly and laid down. Bruce checked me over for any injuries and when he found none, he let me sit up. "Nothing but a couple of bruises." Bruce assured. I tried to get off of the table they had me one but I couldn't.

When Steve noticed, he picked me up and put me on his hip. I laid my head on his shoulder as he started to walk towards the back of the jet. When we got there, Natasha was back and so were two other people. Steve sat down in a chair and started to rock back and forth. Soon I was asleep again. "Who's the girl?" Clint asked. "We don't know yet." Bruce said. "She seem to like you, Rogers." Natasha smirked. Steve rolled his eyes. After a little while everyone was sitting down on their phones, reading, or asleep.

********************

Once the jet landed, everyone was tired enough that they decided that they would debrief tomorrow. Steve, still with the girl in his arms, went to the elevator up to his floor. The doors opened and he saw his husband, Bucky, on the couch, watching some cop show. Bucky got up to greet his husband. but stopped when he saw a girl sound asleep on his husbands shoulder. "Who's that?" Bucky walked closer to Steve. "I'm not sure exactly. She was at the hydra base and I couldn't leave her with Rumlow." Bucky tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Where's she gonna sleep? If she wakes up beside two guys she doesn't know, she might freak out." Bucky took her in his arms so Steve could get some water. "I figured she could sleep in the spare. I just couldn't leave her alone in a med bay." Steve walked towards the stairs, to their shared room. Bucky followed him. "I think she would feel better in the spare anyway. Although she didn't wanna let me go so Bruce could give her a check-up." Steve went into the walk in closet and came out in a white tee shirt and grey sweats to match Bucky.

"She's gonna need some pajamas. She can't sleep in jeans." Steve went back into the closet and grabbed an old tee shirt and another pair of sweats. "This'll have to do for tonight." Steve slipped her shirt over her head and replaced it with his while Bucky worked her jeans down her legs, all while she laid sound asleep. Once she was dressed, they took her to the spare room. It was the smaller of the two with light grey walls, a queen sized bed in the middle of the room with a few book shelves along the walls, and a few pieces of art here and there. Steve pulled the covers back while Bucky laid her down. Once she was covered up, they each kissed her forehead before walking out and shutting the door.

********************

When I woke up, I looked around at where I was.  I quickly climbed out of bed and quietly opened the door. I heard voices downstairs. I tiptoed down the stairs, hoping they didn't hear me, but the supersoldiers heard everything and smiled. When I walked into the kitchen, I saw Steve, the man from before, and another man I didn't know. I started to back out of the room. "Don't be afraid, angel. He won't hurt you either." Steve said as he flipped the last pancake. "C'mere doll." The man on the barstool said. I could feel my heartrate pick up as I stood still. Bucky looked over at Steve for help. Steve placed the pancakes in the oven to keep warm before he slowly walked over to me. "You remember me, sweetheart?" I nodded and walked over to him and raised my arms. He chuckled and picked me up. "This is Bucky, honey. You can trust him." Steve walked over to Bucky. He smiled at me and held out his hand. "Can you tell me your name, doll?" Bucky asked. "Ashton." I whispered. "That's pretty, baby. Thank you for telling me." I smiled and hid in Steve's neck. "I think someone's shy, Buck." Steve smirked. "I think you're right Stevie." Bucky rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "Are you hungry, princess?" I nodded. "how do some pancakes sound?" Bucky took me out of Steve's arms and started to walk in a circle. Steve made everyone a plate a sat down, me still on Bucky's lap.

After we ate Steve took me to the couch while Bucky cleaned the kitchen. Steve put me down and started to leave. "Where a goin'" I started to get up when he stopped me by picking me up and sitting me back down. "I'm just going to see if Bucky needs any help, angel." I nodded and brought my knees to my chest. "I'll be right ba-" before he could finish his sentence Bucky walked in. "No need, punk. I'm already done." Bucky came and sat beside me and I leaned on his shoulder. He smiled and put his arm around me. "Doll, can you tell us more about yourself?" Steve sat in front of me on the coffee table. "Like what?" I didn't really know what to say, it wasn't like there was a lot to know. "Where are you from?" Bucky asked. "Brooklyn." I have never left Brooklyn. Well, until the whole hydra thing. "Any siblings?" Steve was next. "No." I whispered. "What about your parents?" Steve asked.

"What about them?" I felt myself start slipping out of little space. "What are their names? What are they like?" I sighed. "My mom's name is Charlotte. I don't really remember her anymore." I whispered. I saw the look on their faces. "She died when I was 7. She was shot when two guys broke in one night." I started to stare at the ceiling. "Where were you?" Bucky spoke after a minute. "Right beside her." I didn't realize I was crying until Steve wiped a tear away. "After she died, my dad started to just-" I paused looking for the right word. "-not care anymore." They looked at me, waiting for me to continue. "He started drinking more, staying out late at the bar. He was barley ever home, but when he was," I stood up and started to pace. "He would yell for no reason. I mean I would be sitting there, waiting for him to be a fucking father and actually take care of his child, but he never did. He just yelled and yelled and-." Steve put his hands on my shoulders to stop me from moving. I hadn't even noticed him get up. "You don't have to tell us anymore about that. Let talk about something else." Steve lead me back to couch and sat us down.  

"What do you like to do, angel?" I thought for a minute. "I like to color." I whispered. "So does Steve, doll. He'll have to show you some of his drawings." I smiled at that. "Why don't we go look at them now?" Steve stood and held out his hand. I took it immediately and started walking with him towards a door I hadn't been in before. He opened the door and my jaw dropped. There were drawings and art supplies everywhere. Before we could really look at anything a voice sounded throughout the room. "Captain Rogers?" I looked around. Steve chuckled at my reaction. "Yes Friday?" The voice spoke again. "Mr. Stark request your presence in conference room B." Steve sighed. "Tell him I'll be right there." Steve gently tugged my hand and pulled me out of the room. "Alright sweetheart, you gotta stay here with Bucky while I go talk to my friend, okay?" We started walking to the stairs. He lead me into a bedroom and told me to sit on the bed. Bucky walked out of the closet dressed in a maroon Henley and black jeans. "You get called down too?" Bucky asked. Steve sighed and nodded. "What do we do with her? Can we take her?" Bucky shook his head. "We can't take her, you know that." Bucky leaned against the wall.

"Why not? She's not gonna be a bother and I'm not leaving her up here alone." Steve walked into the closet to get dressed. He and Bucky whispered a little more before they came out smiling. "C'mon doll, we need to go get you dressed." Bucky grabbed my hand and lead me out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door. When we got inside the elevator I watched the numbers of the floors as we descended. Steve knocked on a door and a woman opened it. She had long red hair and a warm smile. "Good morning, who's this?" She waved at me and I shyly waved back. "This is Ashton. She needs something to wear for the day. Can she borrow something?" She nodded and waved us inside. "What would you like to wear, hun? I have leggings, sweats, jeans?" She lead us to her room and opened her closet. "Leggings?" It was more of a question than a statement. "Of course, pick out anything you like." I walked in and grabbed a pair of black leggings and plain white shirt. "Thank you." I whispered.

"You're welcome, anything you need, just ask." She smiled. I got dressed and then we were in the elevator again. "Where we goin'" I looked up at Steve. "Bucky and I have to go to a meeting and we didn't want to leave you alone." I nodded and shivered. Steve noticed. "Are you cold?" I nodded again. He took off his sweatshirt and slipped it over my head. He pulled me to his chest for extra warmth. When the elevator stopped we all got out and walked to the meeting room. Bucky held the door while Steve gently pushed me inside. I froze at the amount of people and started to feel myself slip. "Finally you two show up. Who's the girl?" Sam asked. "She's the one he saved yesterday." Natasha waved at me. "Ashton, this is Tony, Sam, Clint, Bruce, and Natasha. Everyone this is Ashton." Steve pointed at everyone as he named them. Tony, who sat at the head of the table, just stared at me. My breathing got heavy as I turned to Steve. 

Tony stood up and walked over to me. He crouched down to my level and pulled something out the pocket on his suit. It was a small lollipop. "There's no need to be scared, honey. We just need to talk about what happened last night." He held the lollipop out to me. I took it slowly. He smiled and went to sit back down. Steve and Bucky sat down at the table and Bucky patted his thigh. I sat on his lap while they had their meeting and enjoyed my little treat.

********************

She fell asleep on Bucky's lap a few minutes into the meeting. After the meeting was over, everyone left but Tony, Steve, and Bucky. "She's adorable." Tony smiled as he looked at her. "She is. She seems to trust us." Steve looked at her too. Tony looked between the two supersoldiers. "You two don't know, do you?" They both shared a look. "She's regressed." Steve and Bucky were still confused. Tony sighed. "When someone regresses, they revert back to a childlike mindset. It's to heal their inner child because they had to grow up to fast or they had a rough childhood. They might play with toys, use bottles and pacifiers, or maybe suck their thumb." Tony nodded to Ashton, who was now in Steve's lap, sucking on the tip of her thumb. "What do we do?" Bucky asked. "When she wakes up you ask her if she has a care giver. If she says no-" Steve cut Tony off. "Then we can be her care givers." Tony went wide eyed.

"Just make sure you do your research. Being a care giver is hard. Don't hurt her again." With that Tony got up and left. "You really wanna be a care giver?" Bucky asked. "I want to be her care giver."

********************

I woke up to two supersoldiers staring at me. "Hi doll." Bucky smiled at me. "Hi." My voice was soft as I sat up. "Can you take me home?" I wanted to see Franklin. Franklin was my favorite stuffed animal in the whole world. He was a green dinosaur and my best friend. It might be kinda sad to have a stuffed animal as your best friend, but I had a hard time making friends. "You wanna go home? Like to your mommy or daddy?" They had done their research and Steve was becoming very nervous. When I laughed they looked at each other with confused looks. "I don't have a mommy or a daddy." Steve was filled with joy and anger all in one. "So you just take care of yourself?" I nodded. "That's not safe baby. You need someone to take care of you. What if you hurt yourself while your all alone one day?" Steve pulled me into his lap. "I want a daddy, but I can't find one." It was true. I had looked for a daddy but I never got one.

"We could be your daddies." Steve whispered into my ear. I searched his eyes for any sign of dishonesty but there was none. "R-really?" They nodded. "Only if you want us to, baby. We want this but only if you do too." Bucky grabbed my hand. "I would like that." We all shared a smile. "If we're gonna be your daddies, then we need to go shopping, angel." Steve stood with me in his arms. "Wait! I need Franklin! He's all alone in my room! We has to get him!" I jumped out of Steve's grip and ran to get my shoes when Bucky picked me up. "Who's Franklin, sweets?" I looked at him like he was crazy. "Franklin's my stuffie. I need him!" I started squirming to get away. "We'll go get him, honey. And we'll get whatever else you want."

********************

When we got to my apartment, I started to run up the stairs only to be stopped by a hand grabbing my wrist. "No running, angel. You could get hurt." Steve put me on his hip and I frowned. I started to say something but Bucky cut me off. "You'll get Franklin, baby but you can't run up the stairs, you could fall and hurt yourself." After a few more stairs, we were at my door. I took the key out from under the mat and unlocked the door. I immediately ran to my room and flopped on my bed. Steve and Bucky watched from the doorway, looking around. The room was a light blue with white stars painted on the wall near my bed. There were three bookshelves, all filled with books. I had turned the window into a reading nook when I moved in. Steve smiled at paci sitting on my nightstand.

"This is all I need." I walked over to Bucky and raised my arms for him to pick me up. "Are you sure, honey? You can take whatever you want." Bucky rubbed my back as he spoke. "But we can always come back here to get anything else you want." Steve added. "Wait!" Bucky let me down and I ran into my playroom and grabbed my favorite coloring book. It had pictures of farm animals in it and it came with stickers.

Not long after it was time for dinner. We all sat down at the table and ate together. After that it was bath time. Bucky washed my hair then Steve washed my body. They dried me off with a nice fluffy towel. They put me in my new hello kitty pajamas and took me upstairs. Bucky laid me down in their bed while Steve went to get ready for bed. Once Steve was done, he came and laid with me while Bucky went to take a shower. Soon we were all cuddled up under the covers with me laying on Steve's bare chest and Bucky behind me. "Good night, princess." Bucky kissed my cheek. "We'll be here when you wake up." Steve kissed my forehead.

"Good night, daddies."

[rockofeye]

Ogou, a project finally finished, and upcoming possibilities!

The calendar has gotten ahead of me, and here we are again on a jou fet/feast day for Ogou. It's been quiet around these parts for a minute (more on that below..), and it feels like that kind of timing that puts you in exactly the right place at the right moment. Funny how divine providence works.

If you've hung around for a minute, you know the story I'm going to tell. Maybe I sound like an old person who walked barefoot up a hill in three feet of snow to go to school, but it's something that stuck with me and it's something that really did change my life.

Today is St. George's feast day, which is a day given to at least one Ogou for most if not all vodouizan; it's probably one of few overarching pieces of sameness that you can find country-wide in Haiti. Ogou is central to Vodou; it was Ogou Feray and Ogou Je Wouj who sprang up during Bwa Kayiman and who stoked the revolutionary spark that made the first free Black republic a reality. He is probably more central than he is given credit for; he is certainly overlooked at times in favor of others.

I've had the grace to not be able to overlook Ogou. He made sure of that when he (among others) brought me to my spiritual mother and the lineage named after nasyon Nago, the family of Ogou.

He also made sure of that when I was careening down a very bumpy road towards kanzo. It was 8 years ago now (!!) that I was sitting in an apartment that I would end up abandoning not knowing how in the hell I was going to get everything in order for kanzo just a few months later. I didn't have the money, I didn't have the stuff I needed, I don't even think I had my passport at that point. I was in serious trouble, and I knew it.

So, I did what I could and sat and made a small service for Ogou. I bought what little I could put together, made it pretty, and presented it to him. In retrospect, it's kind of cute what I thought I knew and must have been like a small child presenting you with the product of their toils: the spiritual equivalent of a mud pie with dandelions stuck in it and a macaroni necklace.

But, I did it and I told Ogou that I knew I had made a promise, I knew that I was in trouble, and that I would do whatever he told me if it got me into the djevo. I lit the match and gave it to him, he set the fire and burned my life down.

Within two weeks, I abandoned the apartment I had and packed my car to make a couple of trips into Boston to live in a teeny tiny rented room that was close to my job that Ogou would direct me to quit. I sold my car, any possessions I had that were worth money, and took my stacked vacation time money from the job I quit, all while working up until a few days before I needed to fly to Haiti and hustling at night with whatever side gigs I could find. I bought my flights to/from Haiti before I prepared anything else or even had the money I needed in my hands because I figured that it would be pretty awkward if I had to fly to Haiti and just...hang out when I had been planning to kanzo all along.

It looked like things were going to work out. I was barely sleeping, but the money was coming in and I had the things I needed to go to Haiti with....but what would things be without a last minute twist?

Two days before I left for Haiti, I found out that the way my rent was going to be paid while I was in Haiti fell through. So, I spent two days moving what I could into a friend's basement and abandoned the rest of my belongings, again. I had some boxes, a couple bags of clothes, my suitcase to go to Haiti with...and that's it. Everything else was gone, and I found myself in an airport unsure of where I was going when I got back.

I made it to Haiti after delayed and canceled flights and some crying in a corner, and the rest is history. Ogou (and all my lwa) held me up during the process, and held me up afterwards while he helped me rebuild the life I gave him to burn down. Literally everything I have now descends from the hands of Ogou and my lwa. Career and professional success, home, relationship, spiritual opportunities...all of it down to the last little piece. Nothing is without his/their influence, and my life has become worth living because of it. He saved me, and it all really started on this day 8 years ago. It's been a wild ride the last 12 years with the lwa, and I genuinely couldn't ask for anything better.

'Gratitude' is not a sufficient word because it cannot encompass how I hold all these things inside of me. It is beyond language and verbalization, and when I find myself in front of Ogou and wanting to thank him yet again for all that he has done for me, words are insufficient. I look at him kind of despairing to explain, and he just nods. He knows.

And here I am. Like I said, a wild ride. I looked at a calendar the other day and it really has been 12 years since I got dropkicked into Vodou. So much has happened and so much is to happen and to become. I am not yet the reflection of what I believe the lwa want for me, but I do believe I am climbing closer each day.

I've been pretty occupied in the last year with big stuff; I wrote previously about the completion of my husband's immigration process FINALLY which has him in the US with me permanently (and back and forth to Haiti as life allows). After that, a rather large project occupied most of my time/energy.

Details about that and upcoming stuff behind the cut.

I keep a lot of things close to my heart and am careful about what I write about here, both for practical and esoteric reasons. I strive to be transparent and vulnerable in healthy ways, and yet maintain some semblance of privacy, especially for those closest to me, like my husband.

But we did a thing and it's such a big thing that it deserves a mention in the place where I have detailed some of the most important bits of my life. Presenting our first collaborative effort:

Bondye, all the lwa, and the power of our collective ancestors gave us the opportunity to bring this soul and newest ancestor into being. We are happy to have our little potato with us. This is what has kept me so quiet here; pregnancy is not for the weak and it was a ride I, your friendly neighborhood gender non-conforming houngan, never thought I would take....and yet life with the lwa brings new twists and turns and beautiful gifts. I was deadset on never having children of my own, and here I am with a little potato.

This has opened a wide new world for me and boy have the lwa had a lot to say before and after the potato arrived. They are a tiny pitit Ginen and the lwa have been clear that we can never forget that.

So...there's that. It's funny, but being the caretaker of a potato that the lwa are deeply invested in brings me back to why this blog was started in the first place: I was having experiences that I did not see reflected anywhere, so I decided to write it all down.

I am not the first parent in the world, of course, and absolutely not the first vodouizan to bring forth a child...but again I don't find anyone else with my particular constellation of experiences having a similar experience. This time, at least, I have plenty of people to call and chat with when I have questions about the intersection of Vodou and the potato.

I expect some of it will make it here and some won't. My rule about writing about people that are close to me is that they get to consent about what details I share. When I write about my (human) husband, I share it with him before it posts. As the potato has not yet developed the capacity for consent, what is presented about them will be limited. Their face won't make it onto Tumblr or any other platform or social media I write on, and personal details will remain as neutral as I can make them. If you are one of the folks who knows me in an offline kind of way, I'd ask you to respect that as well.

Other things:

Tomorrow, I will have a post about an upcoming opportunity to celebrate Kouzen. I had hoped to have something put together for his actual fet day on the 1st, but like November is given over to Gede, all of May is Kouzen's month. Look for details tomorrow.

By next week, I will be live on Medium. This will allow folks to get my long-form posts directly in their email or via the feeds they use elsewhere. My long-form posts will continue to be posted here, and I will continue to answer questions and interact with posts here.

Website is coming!

I am toying with launching some online educational opportunities and have some specific plans, but would also like to hear what folks are interested in having live educational opportunities on. I'll post separately about that as well.

My husband is launching his atelier, expect posts about what he has available as well!

So...how are you?

[tammyblackday]

Nightmares.

I've had nightmares for as long as I can remember.

When I was a little girl, my nightmares were mostly about traumatic events in my life. I did have one reoccurring dream where a lion, bigger than our house, would come and rescue me from every bad thing happening. I would climb up his tail and onto his back, grab hold tightly to the softness of his fur and feel glorious love vibrate through my tiny little body as he ran off into the hills towards a magnificent sunset.

That was my favorite dream because it always stopped the nightmares. Unfortunately, I stopped having that dream when I became a teenager. Instead, it was nightmares of unspeakable violence and terror.

Sometimes, I wake myself up screaming.

Sometimes, I wake my husband up from my thrashing of fighting back what ever horrors are happening in my mind as I sleep. It's exhausting for both of us. I feel bad for him when it happens.

It's my normal.

That is until a few months ago, after my AuDhd diagnosis came and I got put on the right medications.

Suddenly, the nightmares just stopped. I started having different dreams about everyday kinds of things. I dream about my kids a lot, especially the one who went no-contact. I dream about reconciliation and forgiveness. I dream about hugging her and telling her how much I love her and how proud I am of the person she's become.

Sometimes, I wake myself up crying.

However, the other night, I had one of the most horrifying and symbolic dreams of my life. It was so vivid and real that I bolted awake with a deep awareness of who I am. Sounds weird to write it out but it's true. I dreamed about the death of my old self.

It was horrific and profound.

In my nightmare, I was driving with a dear friend in my car. She was my passenger. It was almost pitch black outside, except for a few street lights and headlights from oncoming cars spread out; there were only two or three. We were kind of in a small town or on the outskirts of a city where there were a few people walking around but the road was kind of winding here and there. We were talking and laughing about whatever event we were headed to attend. I felt so much joy.

Suddenly, the last on-coming car to pass me turned on their brights then abruptly shut off all of their lights as they headed directly for me. I don't know how but all of my lights shut off, too, as she and I screamed thinking the car was going to hit us but instead it whizzed passed.

Still, it was pitch black and I couldn't see any part of the road but knew our turn was coming up ahead or we'd hit a building. She kept screaming at me to turn on the lights. I couldn't find any of the switches on my new car. I wasn't panicking but I was scared because I couldn't see or get the car to slow down as much as I needed before the turn I couldn't exactly see but had to guess was coming up quickly.

Suddenly, we heard and felt something big hit the front of my car but was being dragged underneath. It sounded and felt like a flat tire. We were both screaming; she, "what was that?" me, "I don't know!" over and over again as the car started to slow down.

Suddenly, I found the lights and a street light came on simultaneously. We were at the corner and as we made the right turn, something rolled out from underneath the back of my car. I could see a woman lying in a sprawled, on her side, fetal position; dead. We stopped the car, and as we got closer I could see her face...

It was me.

But, not me now. It was me from a few years ago. It was the version of me I had cultivated to try and fit into a life in which I didn't feel I belonged. It was a version of myself I couldn't continue to be if I wanted to be at peace and live out my purpose with passion.

This nightmare woke me instantly, and as I said, the symbolism immediately struck me to the core of my being. I'm most joyful with those I love until others put me in the darkness but I embrace that darkness closely to survive it; then, when I came out of that darkness, I could see that it was a necessary part of my journey that allowed me to release the me I once was at my own expense.

I cried so much that day.

I'm so proud of myself and the profound work that I continue to do in my life to be who I know I've come here to be and to strive in my purpose, passionately.

[twdsfiction]

[ Daryl dixon x girl reader] Ms rulebreaker pt 2

Tw - fluff, mentions of childhood trauma, swearing, injury.

Daryl sat me down by the stool that was in the corner of the shed, he whispered, "be quiet. it's dark outside, the horde could be near still." I rolled my eyes with a playful grin, he states, "what? Why you staring at me with that goofy smile and wide eyes?" I replied, "I never hear your voice this much usually you're ignoring me, or just genuinely quiet. It's cute. It has this whole grungy thing in it" our eyes meet a little before he asserts, "this is why we don't" and i got off the stool on one leg hopping towards him, a inch away from his face as i said, "why intimidated by me dixie?" He rolls his eyes and backs away as he replied, "nah, you don't intimidate me, no one does, plus you barely can stand." then walks off sitting on the other side of the room. I saw him scavenge through his bag a bit And throws a blanket he had in his bag at me. I caught it. And I said as I sat back on the stool. "Why did you come after me" as he laid down on the floor and stared at the roof with his bag slightly under his head as he states, "I guess cause... you're only a rulebreaker because no one was there to make the rules, you and your brother lost both parents, from the beginning of this, you're a smart person, pain made you dumb." He turns over to sleep.

I smiled to myself before standing off the stool onto the floor, and gently laying on the floor, He was turned over but I could tell he was awake. And I wanted so badly to cuddle him, I mean... he was barely far away and basically just said he cares about me. But I got cold feet and turned the other way.

The next day..

I woke to the sound of munching, so I quickly got up hopping onto my sore foot, and turned to see Daryl chewing a squirrel. I sighed in relief but confusion, as I said, "why in the hell are you chewing so loudly?" He grunts and goes back to eating, i replied, "we have to head back to Alexandria... my brother needs his rhino?" As I picked up my bags and searched through it to see no rhino, and I started to panic and look for it, and then I yelled, "Daryl! where the hell is it!" He shrugs his shoulder. As he states, "hell if I know, I was saving and carrying you? Must've got lost in the horde. Just find him another animal or sum, one of the alexandria kids can donate a toy or something." I angrily grabbed my bag and asserted, "well thank you for saving me dixie, you did your job, now I'm going back to the horde." He stands up throwing the squirrel down as he shouts, ,"like hell you are? Hey y/n!" I grabbed the door and he grabbed my arm and pulled me from the door.

I turn to him, snatching away my arm and pushing him away as I said with so much anger and sadness. "I'm going! I don't care if I did he needs it!" And Daryl shouts, "which one he needs more huh? His sister or a fucking stuffed-animal? You gonna run back to that horde be my guess. I ain't gonna stop ya" my eyes teared up as I begin to cry, I replied, "our mom gave us that rhino before she died,, And when i was little girl it made me feel safe, when the world turned to shit, shit i gave it to my brother. Her death took away my childhood, imagine what these could do to him, he's just a little boy he's doesn't deserve this, and my uncle still out there what if he comes back.?"

Daryl eyes seemed to look at me different know, like he felt a slight guilty or something, but that turned into determination as he states, "you uncle that used to live in Alexandria with you guys at first, before you broke off in that horde back with glenn?" I nodded in slight embarrassment, he asserts, "what he do you" I looked away but he added, "y/n you can tell me, my father was a son of bitch too, he'd always hit me and ny brother. One time me and my brother merle went out hunting for our next meal, while that drunk son of a bastard was sipping on bourbon. I was around 6 so I go "daddy I got dinner" The bastard started beating me to a pulp. As he stated, "you worthless piece of shit, you don't deserve fish, where's my fish huh?" And merle mocks me the whole year." I ended up with a black eye and a few more injuries.." my eyes soften at Daryl's story, he really was just a man. With many mysteries, and inever knew he went through something so rough.

He sits on the stool and he add, "I get it, you know, push away everyone do it on your own, I'm a master. And you didn't deserve the abuse" my soft eyes staring at his in empathy turns to anger as I said, "I wasn't abuse and he was lonely! Okay, he was lonely and he was the only other family my mom had, so i had to keep him entertained, I should be grateful he wanted to keep us." I started to sob. "Please don't tell Rick or Glenn, or anyone." Daryl walks back and forward for a little swaying his arms like he always does. Before breaking a bottle of the beer or brought, such causes me to jump in fright. He shouts, "no! That son of a bitch! He told ya that didn't he, that you should be grateful he wanted to keep you guys! After he did tha" I looked away and nodded and Daryl yells, "He had no Business! Touching you! I tell you when I see that prick I'm gonna kill em!"

I was too scared to talk so I stayed to myself by the stool, when Daryl sits down and he states, "that asshole... he told me and Rick you guys were his world, he sounded so convincing. All suited up and I used to be a lawyer? Was that a lie too?" I yelled, ",Daryl just stop! Okay! I don't wanna talk about it anymore, forget I said it! My uncle is a saint. Okay just stop"

I stood up and grabs her bag walking out. And shortly after he came out and said, "where you going anyway? You don't even know where Alexandria is?" I shrugged my shoulders before replying, "I can wing it, take another way." He states, "how about the correct way? With or without you I'm going back." He turns the opposite way, and as I slowly heard as his footsteps get further away, I couldn't help it. So I yelled, "aye Dixie" he grunts while looking at me from afar, when I stated, "wait up, I just realize i don't have a clue how to make a fire" he asserts, "yeah, rubbing two sticks together won't work.. tried to tell you yesterday, but ms rulebreaker have a mind of her own huh?" I smiled as I playfully shoved him a little, causing his eyes to meet mine. "I think you like that about me, Daryl dixon." He his cheeks got so red. He was embarrassed it was pretty cute in my eyes. He broke eye contact, After that we begin walking back to Alexandria.

[sunghoonnsupremacy]

#LOVETALK! - warnings : cuss words, mentions of sexual activity

004. - 005.

"wake up, soomin-ah. " jungwon shakes me awake, sunlight peeking through the blinds. I stir in the bed covers, groaning at my high level of tiredness.

"come on. we have to go. " he sighs, caressing my cheek with his left palm. I sit up and look at him, noticing my dress is missing.

"what's the time? " "6am. we should get out before a sober beomgyu realises we're in his bed." he lets a hushed whisper and rubs his eyes exhausted.

I groan and throw myself back on the bed. "fuck him. I'm tired. " I close my eyes, ready to rest when jungwon abruptly pulls me up by my hands, and the covers off of my tired body. "you can sleep at mine, just hurry up. "

I sigh in exaggeration and nod defeatedly. I walk over to the other side of the room where my clothes lie on the wooden floor.

"why is my dress ripped jungwon? " I slowly turn at him, noticing a sheepish smile on his face. "well.. "

FOUR HOURS AGO. - 2am.

"mmm jungwon-" my moan gets cut off by a sound of my dress ripping in half. I widen my eyes and my jaw falls open.

"you dick! did you just rip my dress? that was EXPENSIVE!! " I slap his hand away and pout.

"oops? wanted an easy access to your tits, my bad. " he sarcastically pouts back and unclips my bra from the back surprisingly quickly.

I feel my nipples harden at the cold air blowing from the half opened window, arching my back slightly. "not my problem you're impatient. you could've asked me first. " I subtly roll my eyes at him, only to get harshly grabbed by the jaw.

"don't give me an attitude or this'll end in you crying, understood? " his eyes darken for a moment before diving back to sucking and peppering my boobs with kisses.

NOW. - 6am.

"oh my fucking god, what the hell? " I whine and throw the ripped dress at him. "Im sorry I thought you wouldn't remember it. " he walks over to me and pouts. "kisses? " he leans in to kiss me, my hand stopping him.

"no." I harshly glare at him and he rolls his eyes. "fine whatever i don't care bye" he falls facedown onto the bed like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

I grimace at him and put my bra on, finding a random shirt in the closet, presumably beomgyus.

I walk over to him and smack his ass so he gets up. "what the hell soomin?" he winces in pain and hurriedly stands up to glare at me. "you said we should hurry, so hurry up" I open the door quietly, hearing it creek loudly to my luck.

"fuck was this house built in 1900 or what? " I whisper-groan and walk out with a grumpy jungwon following me.

reaching the bottom of the stairs, jungwon spins me around. I yelp in suprise but he kisses me in time before I could make more noise. kissing him back, he pulls away and smirks. "that's for this morning. "

I playfully roll my eyes at him and slowly open the front door. "ill call us a uber. have my jacket, you look cold. " he offers with a sly smile and I take it but glare at him being the reasoning of me wearing nothing but beomgyus shirt and lacy panties.

anyway, as we arrive to his place, he unlocks the door leads me to his bedroom. its grey, led lights stuck around the corners and a gaming set up. my eyes run across the room when I suddenly see a photo.. of me? getting closer I see that it's a 100% picture from a couple months ago when I was out shopping.

what the hell? I hear jungwons footsteps and quickly jump into the bed, ignoring the picture even though im morally petrified.

"I see you're getting comfortable already. " jungwon smirks at me and takes off his shirt. my eyes widen as I take his defined abs in notice. he crawls in next to me and leans on his hand to make eye contact with me. "what? " he smiles and says, "have I told you how pretty you are? "

I furrow my eyebrows and think back to all the times he's beat me up or made me choke on his dick. I shake my head and say "no".

he frowns. "really? I should start saying it more then" not knowing how to reply, I smile at him and turn around. "goodnight." a confused sound leaves his mouth "huh? you're going to sleep? " I mutter a yes and groan. "you told me i could sleep at yours, jungwon. "

"well yeah but I didn't think you'd actually go to sleep. " he pouts and crawls closer to me so he can wrap his arms around my waist. "let me at least sleep with you. " jungwon mutters against my chest.

I nod and close my eyes.

TIMESKIP.

hearing him snore, I quickly shimmer out of his hold and leave the room. feeling more than uncomfortable by the idea of him stalking me, I leave through the back door and walk a few neighborhoods to call aeri to pick me up.

"god.. i knew he was an asshole but a creep? " i rub my eyes and thank the lord when i see aeris car pull up.

"hey, what's the rush? you okay? " she immediately pulls me into a hug. i hug her back and when she drives off i give her the whole explanation from last night till this morning. she notices my sullen expression and pouts.

"do you wanna go straight home or should we go to my place? " while driving, aeri smiles at me before looking back at the road. i sigh knowing that jungwon will look for me at my apartment. "your place, please. i don't think ill feel comfortable staying alone today"

she nods and the two of sit in silence for the rest of the ride. looking out of the cars passenger seat window, I think back to what I saw. im still somewhat shocked about the fact he has a picture of me, but not that weirded out. its better than other shit I could think of. I mean god knows what he does with that picture but as long as he leaves me alone I think I'll be okay.

he also still hasn't called me which means he's either still sleeping or looking for me. Id hope its the first option, hence me not wanting to see him for a while. but is that really even an option when it comes to jungwon? most likely not.

hes extremely clingy, he's always been clingy. even when he used to bully me. it's weird, but I've gotten used to it.

now is when I start to panic. what if he calls me? or texts me? or worse.. finds me? what do I even say? I have to make up a lie that will not make him suspicious but also sound believable enough as to why I left without saying anything or waking him up.

maybe if I just tell him its a family issue. or a friend issue? school issue. bullshit! why would he believe that? for the most part, let's hope he won't call.

all off a sudden, my phone starts ringing. fucking jinx. I do a quick prayer before checking who it is and to my suprise its the one and only yang jungwon. fuck.

"yes? " I pick it up hesitantly and take the phone to my ear so aeri won't hear. "where the fuck are you soomin? " I could hear his frantic voice from the other side, almost as if he was pacing around for no genuine reason.

i gulp and make up a lie, "sorry but my mom called me because she needed help with setting up new furniture in her house. I didn't want to wake you" I smile proudly at my great and improved lie until I hear him sigh. "okay. call me once your done, mkay? I wanna see you. " upon hearing this, I hum in agreement and end the call.

"was that him? " aeri asks, eventually pulling up in her driveway. I nod and get out of the car, excited to finally rest.

"what did he say? " she unlocks the wooden door to her apartment and smiles at me comfortingly. "just that he wants to see me later. I think im okay for now though. " I welcome myself into her cozy household by sitting on the couch into a manspread and closing my eyes.

"you can have some ramen I made earlier. I'll be in my bedroom okay? just knock if you need anything. " she kisses my forehead and hurries to her room. I sigh and decide it'd be best for me to sleep for now, hence the fact I got no sleep at two different houses in one night.

my phone pings. for fucks sake, what's up with my sleep schedule today? I groan and unlock it, only to see a chat from jungwon. gosh he's so extremely clingy it's annoying.