#i'm just going to find a corner where i could cry myself to sleep then

[my-little-random-world]

Marta: I’ve spent the whole morning missing you. Fina: I suppose we’re both very busy. Marta: I have a surprise for you. Fina: Besides the new one you brought into our room? Marta: Don’t be like that. I think she’s a really nice girl. Fina: Yes, very tidy, if I’m being honest. Marta: Well then, let me make it up to you by taking you to a great restaurant in Madrid tonight, one you’re going to love. And afterward, we can go to a little hotel, the one in front of the Retiro. Tomorrow we’d have to wake up early to be back here at the crack of dawn, but it’s worth the early start, hm? Fina: But I can’t today. I have plans. Marta: What plans?

Fina: I’m meeting the girls for drinks. Marta: Well, you could make up an excuse, hm? Fina: No, no, I can’t ditch them at the last minute. Besides, we’ve invited Miriam to catch her up on how the project is going. Marta: And me? Can you ditch me? Fina: I already had plans with the girls. You just made yours up now. Marta: Eh, Fina, I moved heaven and earth to find time. You can’t tell me no just because you’re going to grab drinks with the girls. Fina: Oh, and I have to drop everything every time you move heaven and earth and manage to find a little moment for me? Marta: Are you joking? What’s wrong with you? Fina: What’s wrong with me, Marta? What’s wrong is that I have a life too. You know that. And I can’t sit around all day waiting to see if you can squeeze me into your schedule. Marta: That’s so unfair! You know that with my new position, it’s really hard for me to find time for us. Fina: And just because of that, you assume I’m supposed to wait around like I have nothing else going on? Marta: I don’t assume that. Fina: Well, it sure seems like it. And I don’t want to live like this. I have to think about myself. Marta: And what about us? Don’t you think about us? Fina: You know what, Marta? Maybe I cancel on the girls, and then some last-minute thing comes up with a client of yours, and you leave me hanging again. And so it goes, on and on, because your time is always more important, never mine. Marta: So you’re punishing me? You really prefer giving up the little time we have together, just to pay me back? Is your hurt pride stronger than your desire to be with me? Fina: It’s not pride, Marta! It’s not pride! It’s trying to protect myself. Marta: Protect yourself from what? What, now I’m a threat? Fina: Marta, it’s always me! I’m always the one adapting to you and your schedule! And I need you too! You know who’s always there, who never lets me down? Carmen and Claudia. So no, I’m not going to ditch them just because you ask me to. Marta: There’s nothing I can say to make you change your mind, is there? Fina: No.

[alicerosejensen]

All pets go to heaven

Warning: mention of pet deaths; hurt/comfort; angst; dad!Leon.

Synopsis: This is a tragedy in Leon's family. It was inevitable, but it broke one small child's heart.

A/n: I am writing this because my beloved cat who lived with me for 17 years died. It is a great pain to lose pets who have become part of the family, and even knowing that this is inevitable, the pain will not become less. Although I am already an adult, this is the first time I have encountered this pain. I'm just trying to distract myself a little bit and, as always, find solace in writing while my heart heals.

Everyone who has pets - love them because their lives are so short compared to ours. We are their whole life, and they are only a part of it for us.

Losing is always hard. Returning home after a difficult mission that somehow miraculously passed without unnecessary sacrifices, Leon hoped to return to the calm atmosphere of his house where you and your baby girl were waiting for him, whom he had just bought gifts. Some sweets, soft toys, besides, as he drove up to the house, he was thinking about a family outing somewhere to an amusement park and then drop into some cafe and eat ice cream. It would be a great therapy for him and a good opportunity to make up for lost time with his family.

He has already written to you about his imminent return, but did not expect that when he entered the house, he would feel some unusual emptiness. Something that was not as usual when he returned.

You immediately left the kitchen holding a glass of water in your hands when you heard the bang of the front door, which caused a slight smile to blossom on your sad face.

"Leon!" you shouted, putting the glass on the frame that he was home with you again. "You're back! Why didn't you call? I would have prepared something special for dinner."

Leon frowned into your eyes. It's like you've been crying recently. He put the bag on the frame next to the keys, hugged you to him, put his head on top of your head, feeling you relax in his arms.

"I texted you on your phone, wanted to surprise D/N, bought something for her and for you. By the way, where is she? And what happened to your eyes? Did something happen while I was gone?

You nodded softly, freeing yourself from the ring of his arms, and looked up at the second floor, which only made Leon tense, making him nervous.

"Let's go to the kitchen, I'll warm up your lunch" you took Leon's hand hoping that he would immediately follow you and not do everything his own way "And tell you everything. D/N fell asleep in her room recently. I'm sorry, I've hardly picked up the phone lately."

And yet, going into the kitchen, Leon could not help but feel the oppressive atmosphere involuntarily returning him to the distant past where he also sat at the table with an excess of alcohol before the next call from his superiors, waiting for him to be sent on a new mission. The feeling he hoped would never come back. You were sluggishly putting the leftovers of yesterday's lunch on a plate, putting it in the microwave to heat up the food, while Leon was behind you looking at the corner where there were always cat bowls with food and water for Oliver...

It's so strange that the darling of the whole family didn't come out to meet him, as it always was, and now his bowls are gone, but the first thought was that you just decided to wash them and just haven't put them in place yet, and Oliver sleeps on the couch in the living room or in the D/N room, lately because of age He slept a lot.

"The furry fighter sleeps with D/N" joked Leon, sinking into a chair and taking the fork in his hand that you put in front of him.

You shook your head negatively.

"You know, a few days after you left, he got really bad." you began to explain after a heavy sigh, "He was already old by cat standards, at first he began to eat less, then he stopped altogether. He drank only one water, the vet said his kidneys were failing. I decided not to torture him, after all, no matter how painful it was for me to say goodbye to him, I didn't want Oliver to suffer in the last few days, but he quietly died his own death. It makes me feel a little calmer, but D/N... Our girl has been crying for three days."

Leon felt like he had lost all his words. That's why he never got animals, probably because he knew that sooner or later he would have to say goodbye to the one he became attached to, but he met you when you took Oliver as a kitten, and therefore the "furry fighter" as Leon himself called him when they first met, one day also became part of his family along with you. A slightly naughty cat, spoiled, loving to beg for food, when someone just went to the kitchen, often gnawing wires, which is why they had to be hidden. And yet Oliver was part of this family, and D/N love him with all her heart, how could his little girl now know that her beloved furry friend will never come to her again and she will not be able to pet him? Inside Leon everything sank from this thought that his heart demanded to come to his little girl and comfort her.

His appetite immediately disappeared.

"Of course he was old, but it seemed to me that he still had enough strength. He wasn't that bad before I left."

"Yeah," you agreed, placing a plate in front of him.

"He sometimes lost his appetite, but I probably noticed the symptoms too late, although the doctor said that cats often have kidney problems. D/N is the hardest hit. I carefully prepared her for this moment, but three days ago in the morning when she woke up to pet Oliver, he simply did not react - he died peacefully in his sleep. D/N now does not want to do anything, cries all day long and hardly eats."

"I'll go to her," Leon said, getting up from the table without touching his food.

"Leon," you called out to him quietly, causing him to turn around to look at you. "Maybe you can do better than me, to be honest, I haven't been able to find the right words for her in the last three days."

"This... this is not easy for her. She has been with him since birth, but we will succeed, we just need to help her get through this together."

Those were good words. You probably needed them yourself, considering you were the one who picked up Oliver as a kitten, but it's never easy to survive someone else's death, especially someone you loved and cared for for years. While comforting your child, you comfort yourself with the thought that Oliver had lived a good, long cat life. No one had ever hurt him, he lived in warmth, care, and satiety. It was just that his life inevitably came to an end, no matter how much it broke your heart.

Leon paused for a few seconds in front of the door as he climbed the stairs. He often comforted Jane when she was injured or upset about something, but death... It was incredibly difficult for a child to face something like that, especially when his girl loved all animals so much. Leon quietly opened the door and immediately heard sobs that involuntarily made him feel guilty.

Of course he should have been there for her during this difficult period, but he wasn't there, and you alone weren't enough. D/N cries quietly, turning away to the window, hugging a soft toy, not even hearing the steps behind her, immersed only in her grief. Before, she would have jumped out of bed and run to her father, spreading her arms for a hug, and then would have hung on his neck for a long time, begging him to play with her until late in the evening, but now...

"Sunshine, daddy is here"

Leon whispered, sitting down next to her on the bed and putting his hand on her shoulder.

There was another sob. D/N didn't even turn around when she heard his voice, but she definitely realized that her father had returned. How could he blame her? In general, Leon often found himself thinking that it was in his nature to forgive everything to those he loved, especially if it was his own blood. It was more difficult than scraped knees or broken favorite toys. This is the realization to a little girl that her furry friend is gone forever.

She continued to squeeze the toy, sobbing, burying her nose in the pillow. Even when Leon bent down to turn on the night lamp.

"Oliver is gone," she lisped, sniffing loudly, "Mom said he's in a better place now, but I want him back.

"I know, sweetie, I know. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there at that moment." Leon bent down to her, brushing her hair from her face, still gently stroking her back, hoping to ease those tears a little, but it seemed terrible. This is not a situation where you could turn everything into a joke or make her pay attention to something else.

Father's mind rightly told him only that it was necessary for Jane to survive this. That sometimes those we love inevitably leave. An experience that no one wants to go through on their own skin, and Leon himself never wanted such suffering for his daughter.

Leon spoke again only when the children's sobs subsided under his caring hand.

"We all loved him very much, even when he was doing his cat chores past the tray or gnawing on the wires," he smiled, feeling that D/N had done the same, even if she wasn't looking at him. "But unfortunately, the life of animals is much shorter than that of humans. And yet, despite this, I'm sure he was a happy cat. Has anyone offended him?"

She took a deep breath, wiping tears from her cheeks with her palm, finally looking at her father with tear-stained eyes and quietly shook her head in denial.

"N-no" the stuffed toy was back in her hands "But you used to swear at him sometimes"

"Well, sometimes Oliver behaved badly, I mean that some animals are much less lucky. I've never been mad at him for a long time, even when you were very young. You were just born then and you were lying in your crib when Oliver scratched you because you cried."

Leon shrugged, remembering the past, smiling involuntarily.

D/N frowned, scratching her swollen face, clearly not believing Leon's words.

"He didn't hurt me. We always played and he slept next to me."

"It was the only time. I think you were just something new to him and he was scared of loud noises."

These words brought a short smile to her face, which couldn't help but please Leon. He settled down more comfortably next to her, pressing D/N to his shoulder, watching as she gradually began to calm down.

With a heavy sigh, a new stream of tears nevertheless gushed from her eyes after several minutes of silence. "I miss him".

"Shh, I know it's hard. It's really hard but it happened. His life is over and Mom didn't lie to you - Oliver really is in a better place now."

Leon held her small body close to him, letting her cry and cry. His strong embrace protected, but hardly comforted. Even when you came into the room, hearing another cry, this sight of your daughter's tears tore you apart. An endlessly long stage of denial of grief and a childish selfish desire for a beloved cat to come back to life no matter what. You wanted this too, but no one has such power.

You sat down on the other side of the bed so that D/N was in the middle of the two of you, however, it seemed that she did not notice your presence, but you still gently stroked her hair, looking into Leon's eyes, feeling helpless.

Until Leon took her on his lap and kissed the top of her head, ignoring the fact that his shirt and sleeve were now covered in saliva and snot. However, he is a father and this is not the worst thing he could get dirty in.

"Baby, listen to Daddy for a minute," Leon brushed the hair from her tear-stained face, forcing her to look at him, "Do you remember when we watched the cartoon 'all dogs go to heaven'? "

D/N nodded, clutching his arm. You were just reaching for the bedside table for paper handkerchiefs, taking out a couple of them, wiping her face while Leon was talking:

"Of course, the cartoon was about dogs, but it wasn't entirely true. In fact, not only dogs get to heaven, but also cats, birds, hamsters, guinea pigs, it doesn't matter, all pets. And our Oliver is there now too."

"So he's just like Charlie now?" Her voice was hoarse from crying.

Leon nodded, hugging her to him. "Yeah, our Oliver is in the best place now, just like Charlie."

"Can't he wind up the clock too and stay with us a little longer? "

You cast a brief glance at Leon, either rejoicing at the brief glimmer of calm, or on the contrary disapproving of using the plot of an old cartoon as a consolation. On the other hand, what's wrong with a child believing that a pet has gone to heaven after death? At least it would help her start accepting death, because despite still young age, you didn't want to deceive her by coming up with excuses just to hide the painful truth.

It didn't seem like a good idea. So you reached out to D/N, joining the conversation without abandoning your husband in trouble:

"Sweetie, alas, but no. Oliver can no longer come back to us, but he knows that we love him and miss him. And he loves us too."

"Besides," Leon chimed in, "if you remember, no one had the right to wind that clock."

There was that deafening silence again, broken only by sighs and sniffing. Neither you nor Leon dared to speak again while Jane sat quietly on his lap with her eyes downcast, thinking about something of her own. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. After all, this cannot even be considered as such a deception, just a way to cope with the loss.

Cautiously glancing at his wristwatch, Leon saw what time it was and realized that Jane usually falls asleep at this time, but leaving her alone at such a moment... After kissing her on the forehead, Leon easily lifted her into his arms, feeling her arms around his neck as he carried her to your shared bedroom. You didn't even have time to understand anything, just watching with wide eyes as he nods at you in the direction of the door.

"We're not going to cry anymore, are we?" he asked D/N, and although she wiped her cheeks, she still shrugged her shoulders from ignorance, "I bought us all ice cream, so now we're going to wash our faces with you, and then mom will bring us a bucket of ice cream and the three of us will eat and watch cartoon, how do you like this plan?"

Finally she smiled nodding her head in agreement. How could you object? While they were washing in the bathroom, you straightened the bed, took a pillow and a blanket from the nursery and put them in the middle of the bed, then went downstairs, took them out of the freezer, not forgetting the spoons. By the time you returned to the room, Leon and D/N had already selected a cartoon, launched it for viewing and were waiting only for you.

laying down next to her side of the bed, dimming the light, you could see Jane was tired, but she still ate ice cream for a while, after which she settled comfortably under Leon's armpit, falling asleep pretty quickly without watching the cartoon. At least you can all get some sleep.

"So all pets go to heaven?" You asked quietly as you got into bed and watched Leon carefully place Jane's head on the pillow so that he could take a bath and go to bed himself.

He just sighed, grabbing a towel and a set of clothes from the closet, turning to you, speaking in a whisper so as not to wake the child.

"So be it. In the end, despite all the cat's antics, I also want to believe that this cat is now somewhere where he is good." He bent down to leave a short kiss on your lips.

"You don't believe it," you said, stopping him in the aisle, forcing him to turn around and look at you again. "Allright, the main thing is that it worked and she was able to calm down a little."

Leon looked at you sadly as you put the empty bucket on the bedside table lying down next to D/N. After all, it was difficult for you too, but crying in front of a child was unacceptable. However, he knew that you were the one who sheltered Oliver, which is why his death hurt you no less, if not more.

"It doesn't matter what I believe, with my job it's hard to believe in something like that, but now I really want to think that all pets go to heaven. And not only them..."

Fair or not, you both lay in bed for a long time without falling asleep, listening to your daughter's childish snores. After the shower, Leon held your hand for a long time in silence, realizing that it was not only Jane who really needed comfort, but you too.

All pets go to heaven... falling asleep you also wanted to believe that your Oliver is now in a place where he will never feel bad or that perhaps he will really come back again in the form of another cat.

[parismemes]

SENTENCE STARTERS FROM EPIC: THE MUSICAL - THE WISDOM SAGA

LEGENDARY

"It's just me, myself and I."

"I'm stuck with your stories, but no clue who you are."

"Come and give me a sign."

"If I fight those monsters, is it you I'll find?"

"I know life and fate are scary, but I wanna be legendary."

"There are strangers in our halls."

"It's not much longer we can stall."

"They're getting impatient. Dangerous, too."

"I would fight them if I was half as strong as you."

"Somebody help me!"

"Come and give me the strength."

"Can I do whatever it takes to keep my mom safe?"

"Where is he?"

"Give me a chance. A single opportunity."

"Don't you dare call my mother a tramp!"

"What'cha gonna do about it, champ?"

LITTLE WOLF

"Wanna entertain me?"

"Let's see how you take this."

"You've made your worst mistake here."

"You'll have run out of bones to break when you and I are through."

"I'll teach you all the lessons your daddy never could."

"This cruel world doesn't give out presents just for being good."

"Don't you know it's fight or fly?"

"Run away before you die."

"Need some help?"

"What's going on here?"

"I suggest you fight back."

"Uppercut him. Now."

"Woah, that is so sick!"

"Let's try this again."

"I've no respect for bullies."

"Let's teach this dog a lesson in front of all his kind."

"One young wolf has a larger heart than all these men combined."

"Show them that you've got some bite."

"Don't go down without a fight!"

"...Maybe I pushed you a bit too hard."

"Go back and cry in your corner."

"Tell me why you came to my aid."

WE'LL BE FINE

"I had a friend before, and he was a lot like you."

"Maybe, if I'd made a different call..."

"I don't know who your friend is."

"My time with you's been splendid."

"I got in a fight and I didn't die!"

"I've never felt strong before."

"You're my friend, I couldn't ask for more."

"Maybe it's time that you lend a hand."

"If not his friend, then mine."

"Maybe to fall is to learn one way."

"Maybe it's all gonna turn out great."

"I know we'll be fine."

"I know it's light you'll find."

"You're a good kid."

LOVE IN PARADISE

"Old friend, it's been ten years since I last saw you."

"Let's see where you've been."

"Where did you go?"

"Morning, sleepyhead! You've been resting for a while."

"Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

"I've got all you could want here!"

"Just you and me, my dear."

"Soon into bed we'll climb, and spend our time..."

"I'm not your man."

"I'm what you want."

"From here on out, you're mine."

"Hell no, I could kill you where you stand!"

"Last I checked, goddesses can't die."

"We've got all we could want here."

"No one can come or go."

"I don't belong here!"

"There's something wrong here."

"Time can take a heavy toll."

"All I hear are screams."

"Get away from the ledge."

"You don't know what I've gone through."

"You don't know what I've sacrificed."

"Come back inside, dear."

"Let me close my eyes."

"I'll stay inside your heart."

"Life would be so much worse if you had died."

"Stay in my open arms."

"He needs my help."

GOD GAMES

"Rarely do I ask for favors."

"Divine intervention; is that what you seek?"

"You're playing with thunder for a man full of shame."

"Why not make it a game?"

"Bring it."

"We all know I'm a fan of catchy songs."

"All he did was reimburse them."

"Trust is not given, it's forged."

"Why should I give him my support?"

"If you make the right decision, he can still build a future with those who miss him."

"He was busy fighting."

"Let him feel the pain that his mother felt and rot."

"Please reconsider this!"

"Really, ___, these old tricks?"

"What kind of sick coward holds back his power?"

"Tell your lover that a broken heart can mend!"

"To get back to his homestead, he'll make everybody bleed."

"He's got the mind of a genius."

"I've played your game and won!"

"You dare to defy me?"

"No one beats me."

"Bring her through the wringer."

"Is she dead?"

"Let him go, please!"

[atlasscrumpit]

Miguel O'hara x reader

Do you still love me?

Miguel had lost you, his worst fears were coming true. You'd told him you would be home at 6pm and it was now 9pm.

Miguel hadn't exactly told you but the promise ring he'd gotten you two years ago had a tracker in it.

He needed to make sure you were always safe.

Especially in this situation.

He tracked your location down to a small alleyway and he panicked.

Thoughts rushed through his head that maybe he would find you dead.

But, when he got to the end of the alleyway he saw you standing in the corner panting.

"Y/N? Baby?" He called out as he cautiously stepped forward.

"Go home, Miguel." You muttered, not turning around.

"Y/N, you worried me. I thought you were dead!" Miguel scolded as you till turned away from him.

"We have to go home, Y/N." Miguel said before you turned around and he saw you covered in blood.

His eyes widened and he went to rush forward before a little girl stepped in front and stopped him.

She began hitting Miguel.

"No! Get away!" She screamed before you placed your hand on her shoulder.

"Molly! It's okay, he's not going to hurt us." You said as Miguel looked at you in confusion.

"Y/N, explain all of this right now." Miguel demanded as he stared at you.

"He wasn't going to stop... He was hurting her and I couldn't... I couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry." Miguel whispered as his eyes travelled down to beside you where he saw a dead body.

"Y/N, what have you done?" Miguel said in disbelief as you felt tears in your eyes.

"No one will miss him, Miguel! It doesn't matter!" You shouted as Miguel looked at you in shock.

"Come on, we have to get out of here." He said as the little girl looked at you in fear.

"I'm not leaving her." You growled as Miguel looked down at the young girl.

"Fine, but we have to get out of here. Now." Miguel said as he grabbed your bloody hand, you quickly grabbed Molly and rushed out of the alleyway.

"She saved me! You're stupid!" Molly shouted at Miguel as he shook his head.

"Molly, it's okay." You said, holding onto her hand tighter.

You followed Miguel until you finally got back to your apartment.

"Go shower, Y/N." Miguel demanded as you settled Molly down on the couch and went to shower.

"She's a hero. You're a stupid man for being angry." Molly grumbled with her arms crossed.

"You're a kid, you don't understand any of this." Miguel said as Molly glared at him.

"That bad man was hurting me! He always hurt me! She stopped him and protected me!" Molly yelled at Miguel as he sighed and sat down.

"I'm angry because I don't want to lose her. I love her more than anything and I know she means well but I can't have her taken away from me. So, sometimes it makes me a bit...scary." Miguel said as Molly looked at him.

"Do you hurt her?" She asked as Miguel looked back at her.

"No, never. She's the love of my life and I would never hurt her." Miguel said before you came out of the shower in new clothes.

Miguel rushed forward and hugged you tightly.

"I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have acted that way, I just got so angry...and scared that I might lose you." Miguel whispered as he hugged you tightly.

You cuddled into him and took a deep breath.

"I didn't... I didn't mean it, I saw what he was going to do and I couldn't stop." You whispered as you began to cry softly. Miguel hugged you as tight as he could.

"Sorry I called you stupid, you seem okay." Molly said making you chuckle and wipe away your tears.

Miguel held onto your hand as he smiled softly.

"It's okay, you were just protecting her." Miguel said as she smiled.

--

You got Molly to get to sleep in yours and Miguel's bed.

You decided to just sleep on the couch together. Whilst you were wrapped up in Miguel's arms you thought for a bit.

"Do you think less of me now?" You asked as he stroked your hair softly.

"Of course not... I think even more of you. You put yourself at risk to save an innocent life. I'm meant to be the hero, remember?" He said making you chuckle softly.

"I'll leave it to you next time, love."

[swampstew]

Roronoa Zoro, O-67 ~ Mirror Sex

Summary: Drabble of kinky mirror sex with Zoro - who is technically posessing the mirror. Is inside the mirror? Is the mirror? Instructions unclear, but reader fucks a mirror.

Warnings: Spicy, female reader implies, Zoro is an Ungaikyō (I was originally going to do poltergeist Zoro but I learned so much about Yokai and Tsukumogami and since Zoro would be from Japan irl per Oda, I wanted to pay respect to his heritage as best I can while writing what I write, jokey summary aside that's just my personality. I'm doing it in the same way I used Scottish lore for the Killer (and Eustass Kid) fic on Monday), Reader is technically kidnapped and it might be dubious consent if you look at it a certain way. Idk adding the tags to not scare or harm. Word Count: 646

Zoro as an Ungaikyō

You didn’t know where the mirror came from, just that it stood at your doorstep the day after you moved into your new place. It looked cleaned and cared for, and the standing mirror’s ornate frame was unlike anything you’d ever seen before. Of a metal you couldn’t hope to identify. Free is free – you placed it in the corner of your bedroom next to your walk-in closet and didn’t think much about it for a few months.

You weren’t sure if you looked amazing because of the lighting or angles or what, but that mirror had you feeling yourself. You used it more than your bathroom vanity, favorite compact, or the large circular mirror hanging on the wall next to your front door so you could spot check before leaving your place. You LOVED your mirror. You once got drunk and self-pitied after a bad date and kissed your mirror just off to the side. You never wiped it off.

Then HE showed up. A few nights after the kiss mark. You had tried to sleep but were restless and horny with no one to do anything about it. So you grabbed your trusty vibrator. You heard a deep voice encouraging you, giving you hints and ideas. At first it scared you, but you didn’t find the source of the voice (even after inspecting for spyware, peepholes, hackings, and had your place raided by the cops twice) and then you decided to let it enable you. It went on for a month before he finally showed his face in the reflection of the mirror. When you were brave enough to demand he make himself known.

His name was Zoro. He said his soul gained consciousness inside the mirror after over a century of being trapped inside it. Unable to leave. He said he didn’t know how he came to be at your doorstep, and that he had no recollection of the previous owner as he had gained consciousness a month after you found. He was fucking gorgeous – tall, ripped body, scars over his body and face, three dangling earrings from one earlobe. Why the appearance? He said it felt right. And you couldn’t argue, the sight alone nearly made you drool. Especially when you developed a mutual relationship. He didn’t have to hide anymore, and you didn’t need to be disappointed by fuckboys.

Your bond cemented when you saw his cock. That he was able to get aroused and release like a mere mortal man. You made yourself cream and rubbed it against the reflective surface.

For months you fucked that mirror. Being able to work from home and not having a social life, and giving up on dating, meant you were able to cum for days straight. You went as far as attaching a life-size ejaculating dildo to the glass surface. You laid it on the floor and rode him until you were a crying, sweaty mess – gushing over your reflections. Fake cum ran from between your legs, his cum spraying his delicious abs.

“I wish you were on this side, so I could fuck you and feel that warmth for myself. Bury deep into you and cum like I’ve wanted since the first time you showed me your beautiful pussy.”

It was then you realized that the ornate frame was actually three swords intertwined and bound to the mirror on around the edges. He said if you really loved him, really wanted to feel his cock push into your tight and welcoming cunt, that all you had to do was let each blade lick your blood. Like giving yourself a paper cut. You trembled, naked and hungry for him. You followed his instruction.

Zoro never once mentioned the part about being able to trap you inside the mirror with him. And you weren’t his only plaything on his side.

19 tiles to go, 18 calls made so far.

[delusioncorner]

Gasp, Imposter!

Nightwing x Reader (T)

[Y/n] is a newer Bludhaven-based vigilante who has been steadily gaining the trust of a certain blue and black bird-themed masked hero. after he goes MIA for a week, he returns looking....slightly different.

-

I sit atop a building, listening to my completely-normal-totally-not-altered radio for any reported crime. It's weird resorting back to this odd secretive and secluded way of patroling but ever since Nightwing up and disappeared last Monday, I have no choice. He was slowly becoming my patrolling partner as much as he swore up and down that he "didn't want me around" and how I was "such a nuisance seriously go bother someone else" but he's a real softy under that dumb spandex exterior. He even gave me a special in-ear a couple of weeks ago just so he could talk to me, even if we were only several blocks away, checking in to make sure I was fairing well and even calling me if he needed help. He's gone though. Where? I don't know but god, hopefully he's okay.

A crackling through the radio snaps me out of my Nightwing-centered trance. I turn it up a little so I can hear the voices better.

...I have reports of a 211 on Red Line South. Backup requested immediately.

The dispatcher sounds a little worried. Maybe a bit too worried for a supposed robbery in progress. Jumping to my feet, I decided that the edge in her voice is enough of a reason for me to go check that out. I shake the nerves off for what feels like the 80th time that week and remind myself that this is not my first rodeo and it will not be the last. I do some stretching, sharing away any nerves. Welcoming that familiar light buzz that fills me every time I know I'm gonna kick some ass and help someone in this shitty town. I take a final deep breath. And I jump. Grappling from building to building. Flying and dipping through the air. As I soar through the sky I can't help but let out a cry of excitement and anticipation. I love this part of my night.

It's when I'm about halfway to Red Line that I see him. Nightwing, just a few buildings over running and jumping in the same direction as me. Does he see me? Does he know I've been worried sick about him for days? Unable to sleep because I had no idea what had happened to him? I go to yell his name but he plummets into an alley before my mouth gets a chance to form the "n". Landing on a fire escape, I wonder if I should go find him and tell him how sick I've been. How I've missed his stupid voice.

"Put the weapon away now!" A loud booming voice shouts, shaking me to my core. He sounds rough and gritty and one would think he was the criminal in question with a dangerous voice like that. Looking down I see Nightwing with his escrima sticks wielded and realize that I was once again a victim to my own thought and while I was pining over him he managed to sprint 2 blocks over to where I am now. I make a move to jump down but that's when I notice something really interesting. He's grown at least like 4 inches? Right? I mean he is looming over that robber- who, upon further examination, did in fact shoot that cop that was on the scene- but the robber couldn't be any taller than me....

I stay at my place on the fire escape and watch as this Nightwing skillfully disarms the menace while causing minimal damage to the man whose name is Doug because of course, returns the bag to the woman who was cowering around the corner, and checks on and stays with the cop lying on the side of the alley until his backup finally shows up 45 minutes later. The whole time I'm watching this I'm taking mental notes. His mannerisms are much stiffer and strict, he's not making his signature quips, and he definitely didn't do some sort of dumb flip while he was fighting that man which he almost always seems to do. When the backup arrives I make my escape to the top of the building. I had nothing to do with that altercation- even though I siked myself up and prepared for the fight of a lifetime with Doug the burglar- so there's really no reason for me to deal with any sort of cops tonight. I sit on the roof thinking about all the differences I spotted while observing Nightwing tonight and I decide that there's 100% something going on with him. Maybe he's ill? No, that can't be it he would've just stayed home, no? Well then maybe he's decided to turn a newer, more serious leaf? Noooo I don't think that's it either he really loves sassily fighting crime. Maybe he's brainwashed? But then why would he still be actively saving people? Wouldn't the brainwashers want him to go underground or something? I really don't think they'd-

"Who are you and why were you watching me?" The man parading as Nightwing snarls. God damn you, brain. I turn around to look for him. I don't see him at first But I know he's up here somewhere. That's when I saw him. A figure in the shadow. Hes big. Bigger than Nightwing that's for sure. Even though he's standing several feet away you can tell that this man is built like a brick house.

"Who are you and why are you pretending to be Nightwing?"

He's silent. Then he says, "I asked you first."

"Yeah okay, that's really mature. I'm Vulpine. You're impersonating my friend and I want to know why. Now you," I tilt my head up to show him I'm not fucking around.

"I'm a friend of Nightwing's. He's going to be out of town for a while but he wanted me to come here and make sure the city is doing fine." The man says this in a curt tone that makes it clear that he isn't going to answer any more questions I ask.

Tsk.

"And you had to dress like him?" Even though I can't see his face I just know he's staring at me.

"I had to make sure I didn't raise any eyebrows." He is very rapidly getting tired of me already. It makes me giddy.

"Hate to break it to you, dude, but little 5-foot-8-biult-like-a-dancer Nightwing is now.... what are you like 6 feet tall? He's somehow grown 4 whole inches in the past week and he's magically built like a freight train? Yeah fucking right. It would've been better if you just showed up in whatever you wear normally. Something akin to a bat, mayhaps?"

"You can't just say 'mayhaps'-"

"I can."

"No. You can't. Listen, I don't know what you know but it's clearly too much. I will be having a discussion with Nightwing about this as soon as possible. If I find out you were lying for even a second, I will find you." He steps out of the shadow he is under to deliver that last line. He's dramatic. I like him.

"Yeah, alright. When you talk to him tell him I miss him. Okay?" I give "Nightwing" a lopsided smile and decide that maybe tonight is not a patrol night. I salute the man and turn, jumping from the roof and grappling away. As I swing toward my house I can only hope that Batman- because that was clearly Batman- relays my message to the real Nightwing.

-

My first fic on here omg! This was loosely based on the newest edition of the Nightwing comic where Bruce dresses up as Nightwing and watches over Bludhaven for him. I thought It would be funny to write because clearly Bruce is built very differently from Dick and I just think it would be SOOOO obvious to others that it wasn't their typical Nightwing. It's not technically a Nightwing/ Reader fic buuuutttttttt it's like implied maybe. Like if you squint there's a small bit of chemistry and a lot of pining. Maybe I'll make another part.

[loveneversleepss]

Felix as Yandere

Genre: Yandere!Felix x princess!female reader, old royalty era, arranged marriage ish?, tragic romance, Felix saves reader, switch povs.

warnings: suicidal thoughts/actions, angst, stalking, obsession, killing, descriptions of blood/gore, smut(duh), nicknames (sweetheart,Angel,wife), unprotected sex, oral (fem rec).

About 7500 words, I'm so sorry😭

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"When I think of you, I have another reason to live."

How could it come to this? The one person who has never once shown a frown, is giving up on life. I will help you, make you happy.

~~

"My lord.." I'm awakened to the sound of my servant. My eyes open slowly, the blackness fading away. He bows to me, "Sorry for disturbing your slumber, my lord." I get up, sighing heavily, "It's alright. What is it?" He stands up straight now, bringing his hands together. I bring my hands to my face, rubbing my eyes as my eyes are blurry from sleep. At the edge of the bed, my silk sheets are on the verge of collapsing off the ledge. He clears his throat before he begins to speak, "Lord bahng summons you to the tea room."

I groan and throw my sheets back on top of me. Lord Bahng. Also know as Chan, my most dearest friend since I was a child. We met during a festival. It was dark and I was lost. I was running around looking for my father. He had told me to stay close but I wandered off, chasing after my wooden ball. Once I retrieved it, I found myself lost. No clue where I was. I bundled up in a corner and sobbed tragically. Next thing I knew, a figure appeared in front of me. It was him.

~~

“Why are you crying?” I looked up from my hands, which are covered in tears. A boy stands in front of me with the most curious look. He looks a few years older than me. He bends down to my level and smiles slightly. “It’s okay. I can help you.” He reaches out his hand, although I don’t move to grab onto it. He slowly retrieves it back, “what’s your name?” I sniffle softly as I try to gain the strength to mumble my name, “Felix..” I say barely audible, he tilts his head. “Chicken?” He furrows his brows at me. I shoot him a glare and a big smile appears on his lips. “It’s Felix!” I yell to him and stand up angrily.

He looks at the ground and picks up my ball. “Well.. hello, Felix. I’m Chan.” He holds out the ball to me. I grab it swiftly and turn away from him. I begin to walk but stop. I have no idea where I am. Maybe.. he can help. I turn back to him and he is still looking at me. I bring my head down, feeling embarrassed that I just lashed out at him and are about to ask for help. “Sorry, that wasn’t kind of me.” I apologize sincerely and he waves it off. “How about we go eat some sweets, hm?” I bite my bottom lip at his offer. Just then my tummy grumbles, it has been a while since I’ve last eaten. I nod my head and his arm swings around me. “We’re going to have fun.”

~~

After that, I’ve been in his debt. Always wanting to please him and his wishes. I truly owe him for that day. I never felt seen before. With him in my life, I truly gained a brother. Although at times, he is a pain. “My lord, please.” I ignore him and try to fall back into my dream.

The dream that occurs every night, that haunts me. It's always the same. I'm laying on my back, my vision is foggy. A woman appears above me, speaking so softly. So delicate. Her hands touch my face, tender and warm. She strokes my cheek. “Are you hurt?” Her voice is one of angels, I could listen to it all day. Her scent is of jasmine flowers. Her whole demeanor is something heavenly. Despite all this, her face I could never see clearly. That is what keeps me up, I could swear that this isn’t a dream. More like a memory.

A memory that is deep within me. That wants me to remember but I can’t. It pains me deeply. If I could only see her face. My problem would be solved. And if she lived in my world. I would search to the ends to find her. To make her mine. I know it sounds silly. But I think I may have loved her at one point.

A loud slam comes from within the room. Next thing, I’m thrown off the bed. I turn quickly to see the culprit to see Chan standing above me. “Why are you so lazy?” I groan and stand up on my feet. “Why must you always be up so early? Do you even sleep?” I respond back and flop on my bed again. He pulls me by my feet and drags me off the bed. “Come on, we have to leave soon.” I stay on the ground as I look at him in disgust. “Where to?”

He begins to drag me by my feet, walking me out to the hallway. “To find you a suitor.” My eyes widen and I kick away his hand. I stand up swiftly, “have you lost it?!” He sets his hands behind his back, “no. It’s about time that you find a betrothed.” I groan as I step away to find the kitchen. He follows closely behind, “you are of age now. You’re the richest in the country. Talented. Handsome. You have plenty of ladies lining up for you.” I ignore him as I order the servants to make me breakfast.

I sit down at the table, pulling the chair out and laying my head in my hands. Chan continues blabbering about a suitor, even though I drown him out. He sighs heavily, finally noticing I’m not listening, “look, I know that you don’t care. But you need to do this, for your father.” I grab the knife that is with the rest of the cutlery, “you’re lucky I’m not throwing this at your head right now.” He rolls his eyes and confines, “I know that you believe your are destined to be with that woman in your dream. But face the truth, she doesn’t exist.”

Maybe he is right. What if she doesn’t exist? That she is just a figment of my imagination. “It’s just that.. maybe if I encounter her. I would recognize her on the spot. That i could remember..” My expression saddens as does the rest of the room. “Listen. You have to to find a suitor. You are the head of the mansion. Your father always wanted to see you marry well. You have to fulfill his wish.” I roll my eyes. How could I forget that? It was his dying wish. Of course I have to grant it. But this doesn’t mean I have to forget about that woman.

He pats my back, “tonight, we are invited to banquet at the imperial palace.” I look at him not impressed. He groans loudly and steps back. “Don’t you know what this means?! You’ll get to see the crown princess perform.” I lean back in the chair as the servants come and set the food. He looks at me eagerly, awaiting my response. “I suppose that could be interesting. They say she’s the best dancer in the whole country.” He jumps in excitement, “that’s right! I’ll prepare the gifts.”

~~

All your life, you've felt empty. Like something was missing. You were always waiting for something. Although you didn't know what. You were taught from a young age to keep a smile on your face. To never let it fall. You were taught to be quiet and never speak up for yourself. You had to be the perfect easy child. Meanwhile your younger siblings had freedom to do whatever they wanted. But you could never say anything about it or how you felt. Because after all, how could the crown princess be upset?

Dancing was a way for you to get your mind off of things, Somehow dancing was something no one could get in the way in. Your body always knew what they were doing. How it worked to shape it into the move you wanted. Always letting your body lead and your mind go. Letting all your thoughts slip away. Quiet. You like quiet.

"Crown Princess. Your father invites you to go to the marketplace with him." Maybe a couple months ago, or even a year ago. You would be bursting with joy. But you're not. That's because whenever your father invites you out. It causes such a spectacle that you have to return home quickly. After all, you don't want to anger him. "I accept. help me get ready." "Yes, princess."

~

"How are you doing today, my child?" Your father asks you, fanning himself lightly. You shoot him a reassuring smile, "I feel happy. I'm performing today for you." His clothing waves softly in the wind, his hair looks smooth and well kept. He always looks so clean. After all, he is the king. "Do you know why I'm holding a banquet today?" His tone sounds indifferent, like his usual business talk when he's with lords and nobles. You look at him confused, "No, father. Why are you holding a banquet today?"

He stops in his tracks, "Shall we eat something?" You don't question his hesitation to answer. You know better than to do that. In time, he will tell you. There must be a reason why he wants to sit in a secluded place. "of course, I'm craving meat." You two follow after your servants. Everywhere you go, servants and guards always go too. For your protection of course. Even though you'd rather not have them stealing your oxygen. You feel as if you are suffocating at times.

Platters and platters of dishes are set in front of you. You wait until your father first takes a bite which takes about 20 minutes. Due to him being bothered by multiple lords greeting him. You don't take a bite, you instead take a sip of your water. After a couple minutes you find the courage to pop the question. "Father, why are you holding the banquet today?" He wipes his face and takes a sip of water. His eyebrows furrowed, as if he is nervous of what he is about to say.

"Well as you know, you've become of age.." No way. He wouldn't. How could he do this? You assume the worst to come.

"I've invited suitors for you. For you to get married." Your heart sinks to your stomach at his words. You place your hands on the table in disbelief. You get up swiftly, scaring your father slightly, "How could you do this to me?! I'm not ready for this. I refuse!" You let your words slip out of your mouth, not letting your mind think to stop them. "Watch your tongue!" Your father looks at you angrily, "You will. That's an order." You feel your emotions feel to leave you, guilt becoming you. Your gaze falls to the floor, your body is emotionless.

He gets up slowly, walking over to you. His hands place on your shoulders, attempting to soothe you. "I know this isn't what you want. But i'm getting old. I wish to see you marry well. Could you do this for me?" You nod your head yes, you plaster a smile on your face, "yes, father. I will do this for you."

~~

I arrive shortly to the palace, we all wait outside waiting for the doors to open. It seems as if all the nobles and lords have come. I wonder what for? Isn't this just an ordinary banquet. how peculiar.

The gates open and everyone immediately makes their way inside. Chan led the way as I analyzed the surroundings. How lucky it would be to live here. They have everything. The servants show us to a table, it's placed right in front of the stage. A perfect view to see the princess. After a couple minutes, I begin to grow bored. "I'm going to walk around." Chan begins to protest but I already left him.

"Please get down, i'm begging you." I notice a girl in a tree, she seems to be writing something. Her legs dangle from the tree, moving happily. "Oh, shush. I'll be down in a second." She has a cloth on her face, her eyes only being prominent. She giggles as I see a servant trying to persuade her to get down. Her clothing looks expensive, not the kind that should be climbing into trees. "Please, you have to get ready." She sighs heavily and begins to get up. Her foot slips and she goes tumbling down to the ground.

I ran over to her, "Are you alright?!" I reached my hand out to help her. She looks at it for a couple seconds, then decides not to take it. She gets up using her own strength. I bring my hand down, feeling slightly awkward that she refused me. "I'm fine." Her tone sounds annoyed, enough to send a tingle down my core. "I need to go." She mumbles as a servant follows after her. Who was that?

~

I walked back shortly after that. Chan grumbles about something but I ignore it as my thoughts cloud my mind. Who was that? Why was she climbing in a tree? She spoke so rudely to me. As if I was below her, her tone irritates me. I should've reminded her of her manners. I am the highest ranking lord in the country. How could she speak to me like that? Unless.. She's the crown princess. No way. The princess would have better manners. Although that would explain the servant and clothing.

Chan interrupts my thoughts, "It's starting!" He loudly whispers to me. My gaze turns to the stage in front of me. The lanterns start to dim softly. A soft melody plays from the harp, a woman appears. Her clothes are long and flowy, a perfect baby blue color. Her movements are soft and controlled. Mesmerizing. It's as if i never knew how to breathe before, and she is teaching me. Her eyes are heavenly, her lips perfectly plumed, her skin seems so soft and delicate. Her body chimes with her movements due to her crown and beads placed on her dress. A flock of birds are set into the air and they surround her. Circling around her and her movements.

A heavenly sight. She looks familiar.. It hits me. The girl from my dream. It's her! My head begins to feel foggy and I find myself breathing heavily. "Felix. Are you alright?" Chan whispers to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I nod my head and took a sip of water to calm me down. I finally found her. Just then, the performance ends. She bows on the floor, her crown jiggles softly. The audience stands up and cheers for her. She smiles big at us, her father, the king appears. We immediately bow to him and he announces, "Greetings, my fellow lords. Today I've invited you for a reason. I am offering the crown princess hand in marriage." There is murmurs that surrounds us.

It hits me. This could be my chance to make myself known to her. "I will invite you one by one to introduce yourself. Please enjoy the festivities and food." They turn to leave as we bow again. It takes a while to get to me as I begin to grow annoyed. I'm about to wander around as a child appears in front of me. He is crying. He jumps into my arms as he sobs loudly. "I don't want to!" He yells, presumably to the servant who is standing here now. “Please, my prince.” My hands rub softly on his head as he pulls off my shoulder. Prince? This must be the third born prince, Daniel. He stares up at me with his big teary eyes, sniffles emerging from him. “It’s alright. Don’t be sad.”

He seems to calm down and sigh heavily. “What’s the matter, hm?” His tiny hands move to my face. “You have pretty scars.” He traces my cheeks. He means my freckles. I chuckle softly, “and you cute cheeks.” I squeeze his cheek softly. He groans and pours his lower lip. “I’m not a baby. I’m a grown man!” I smile again at his attempt of acting big. “Is that so? Then why are you crying? Adults share what they are feeling to feel better.” He fiddles with his fingers, “they were forcing me to go to bed.” He looks sad now, “I wanted my sister to read me to bed. She always reads me the stories she writes. But they said she’s busy.”

Now I get it. That’s why she was in the tree giggling about. She was writing a story for him. “How about I put you to bed, hm? I could read a story although mine won’t be as good as your sister.” He nods his head happily, a smile gleaming up at me. “Let’s go!” His little hand pulls onto my shirt as he leads me to his room. A figure stops us. “Daniel. What are you doing?” It’s the crown princess. He jumps into her arms and hugs her tightly. “Have you come to read me a story?” He asks eagerly. She shakes her head no and you can see his mood drop. “I’m busy tonight. I have to talk with, lord.. what’s your name?”

“Felix,” I take a step closer and bow. Daniel gets angry and hugs onto my leg. “No! You can’t have him. I found him first!” A figure appears from behind the princess. “Daniel! What are you doing out?” The king emerges from the shadows. I now to him and he shakes me off. “Get to bed right now!” Daniel quickly runs off and disappears. “Sorry about him. He’s still learning.” The crown princess explains. I nod my head, “it’s alright. It was a pleasure.” She’s different from earlier, her mood seems to be more calm, a smile soft on her lips. The servants invite me into a room due to its my turn. “How did you think of my daughter’s dance?” The king asks me as we sit down at a table. “Oh, it was the most heavenly thing I’ve set my eyes on. No one can compare to it. You really are talented, princess!”

“Everyone’s replaceable,” she says brightly. Not once letting the smile fall from her lips. “One day I will grow old and my beauty will fade. Then a new imperial performer will take my place.” She fans herself lightly, the beads on her dress jingle a wonderful tune softly. Her face seems to be stuck in a permanent smile, although her eyes seem to give her away. They look off. Deeply empty. Not a single thought behind them. But I notice at times they seem sad, on the verge of tears.

The king tries to explain his daughter’s words, “what she means is that once she marries, she hopes that her legacy will be carried on.” Her father shoots her an scolding look. She keeps the smile on her face as she pours me a cup to tea. “Daniel seems to be fond of you..” Her eyes are looking at the cup, then they shoot up to mine. A slight devious and twinkle shine in them. I smile softly, “he jumped into my arms and claimed he wasn’t being treated well. I was going to read him a story to help him sleep.” The king tilts his head slightly, “that’s odd. He usually doesn’t like strangers.” I nod my head and take a sip of the tea. It’s a familiar taste but there’s a slight alter to it. Like a splash of honey or cinnamon to make it sweet.

“Lord Felix, is it?” The king questions softly, his voice seems to be tired. From excessive talking all night. “Yes, my king.” He fiddles with a bead hanging from his belt. “You’re the son of the late Lord Lee, correct?” I nod my head yes once again, “correct.” He smiles softly, “you’re father and I were childhood friends. Did he ever tell you?” That’s odd. I would’ve remembered if my father told me something like that. You don’t casually be old friends with the king and not tell.

“No, he didn’t. I wasn’t close with my father,” I stutter a bit at the end. The reason being that my father trained me to become an assassin. Killing for his pleasure. I shut my eyes in embarrassment as I realize I may have shared too much. “Is that so? Why?” I glance over at the princess, her lips have fallen into a sullen upturned smile, almost unnatural. Her eyebrows furrowed softly as her eyes appear to be deeply stuck into mine. “I always had this pressure.. To be the best. I’m the only boy and have only younger sisters. I have to carry on the legacy.” My eyes widen and I bow quickly, “forgive me for oversharing, my king.”

He waves me off once again, “no need for that. I want to know more about you.” I lift my head up and smile softly. I take another sip of the tea, “Felix?” I nod my head in response. “Would you be interested in marrying my daughter?” I nearly spat out the tea. I’m shook at his words. “Oh, that wasn’t my intention.” He interrupts me, “well why not? You seem to get along well with my children. Plus it would do your father proud that you married well. I would be him a favor.” I seem to be not able to get away from my fathers grasp, even in death. “Forgive me, my king,” I set the cup down and it clicks. “I have to refuse, I don’t have intentions of marrying.” He pouts his lip out, like a sad toddler. “Well at least spend the night.” I nod my head, “I accept your invitation.”

~~

You walk slowly to your room. Servants following close behind you. Processing everything that has happened in the past few hours. Men throwing themselves at you. All for a marriage you don’t want. But it’s bizarre. A man actually dared to go against your father, the king. Lord Felix. He doesn’t interest you in the slightest but you can’t seem to get your mind off him. His looks are fairly attractive but something seems off. He has this aura that is.. dark. Like he’s hiding something.

You enter in your bedroom, but you don’t rest or begin to undress. You stare out the balcony, the moon looks dashing tonight. Accompanied by many stars. How it would be to leave the world on a night like this. “My princess, the tea you ordered.” Your hand maid calls you over as holds the tray. “Mm, lay it on the table please.” Your table looks out onto the balcony, perfect view of the night sky. You walk over and sit on the chair. You tidy up the table as you softly blow on the fresh, hot tea. Your hand maiden stands a few feet away from you also accompanied by 5 servants. You hate the feeling of having eyes on you, watching your every move.

“Leave us,” you command your servants, leaving you and your handmaiden alone. “Have you enjoyed the festivities?” You ask her, pouring your tea into your cup. “No, princess. I haven’t had the chance.” You look over your shoulder to her, she has her hands neatly placed in her lap. “Go, take the night off. I won’t be going anywhere anyways.” She bows her head strongly, “thank you, my princess. I’ll take my leave.” She silently walks away and you hear the shut of the door. You sigh heavily as you stare out into the night. You take the tiny bottle you’ve kept all night by your side. You pour it inside the cup. The colorless poison seeps into the tea.

You take a look around the room as you see nothing. Just as you wanted it. Destined to be alone, even in death. It may seem selfish, but this is your freedom. And it’s the only way you’re gonna get it. Although.. you wish you had one thing. You want to fall in love. Why can't you? When you are one of the people who is in love with the idea of love, desiring love more than anything? It feels like you're sitting in a glass box watching everyone going happily with their lovers but you're just there alone, under the moon light. Maybe you are meant to be alone..

“I’m sorry, Daniel.” You whisper as you bring the tea to your lips. You’re about to take a sip when the cup is knocked out of your hands.

~~

I knock the cup of poison out her hand. It rolls against the floor, the liquid seeping out of it. She looks angry to me, streams of tears on her cheeks. She makes a run for the terrace. She begins to climb on the edge as I run up to her. I embrace her in my arms and pull her away. She kicks and cries out, “let me go. I don’t wish to live anymore!”

“Stop this!” I yell as I hold her onto the ground. My arms wrapped around her to calm her down. She kicks and scratches but I don’t let her go. She calms down as I hear our breathings hard. I let go of her softly and she crawls a foot away from me. Her eyes are empty as her upper lip makes a movement upwards. Pure disgust.

“Hypocrite.” She grits her teeth. I look at her confused and she stares in complete disgust. “You should’ve let me die.” I shake my head at her words. How could she be like this? She never once let a smile off her face. Even when she was being insulted or insulting herself. Why would she be giving up on life? “No, you’re life is too important..” I try to console her but it doesn’t work. My throat feels as if it’s clogged.

“Why is it that my feelings don’t matter! Why do I always have to be the one that pushes it aside. That i can’t make mistakes or do something I want. Why is it always me?!” Her voice breaks during her last sentence. Tears begin to flow and she sobs loudly, her body shaking. My eyes soften at her words. “I just want to be free..” I slowly bring myself closer to her. Whispering a soft, "Breathe for me, okay?" Hugging her close, stroking the top of her head as she muffles out her cries in my clothing. "Deep breaths.." She stops after half an hour. She slowly moves away from me, her eyes red and puffy. She wipes her tears away.

“Thank you.. for staying with me.” She mumbles but I hear it clearly. I wipe away a leftover tear off her cheek, her eyes stare into mine. Appreciation. “Of course. I care about you,” her eyes flicker down to what I assume is my lips. Her hand comes up to my cheek now, grazing softly against my freckles. “You’re really pretty.” My eyes widen at her words, feeling hot on my ears and cheeks. Although i don’t pull away. “Felix?” I’m surprised she didn’t use manners in calling me lord but I nod in response. “Why did you come to my room?”

I quickly think of an excuse. I can’t tell her that I’ve been following her all night. That I was watching her this whole time and that’s why I came in a rush. Since I saw her in the tree. That is how I knew where her room was. And how to avoid all the servants and guards. Thankfully, I had a backup plan just in case. I lift up out of my pocket a jade bracelet, she looks down at her wrist where it is missing. “I found this and saw the name, y/n. I wanted to return it to you.”

“Thank you,” she smiles softly and reaches out her arm for me to slip the bracelet back on. I slowly slip it back on and the heavy weight of the bracelet makes it droop on her wrist. Her eyes slowly travel back up to mine, “you’ve helped me twice tonight.” I laugh softly, “although you didn’t want my help, remember?” She nods and smiles once again, this time it doesn’t seem fake, “I wish you did have an intention of marrying. You would be a good husband.” Her words make my heart begin to beat faster, it seems as if there is this warm, pink aura between us now.

“I should sleep. It’s getting late.” She gets up but I grab her wrist. “You won’t pull anything rash, right.” She nods her head slowly, “I promise.” I get up and bid her goodnight. I’m about to walk out the door and she runs to me. “Come back in the morning, sneak in.” I agree and leave to my room. Smiling happily. She’s mine now.

~~~

“Oh, you’re here.” It was a harsh mission to sneak I to her room. It seems more heavily guarded today. I had to slit some of their throats to keep it quiet. Stuffing them into a closet. Their blood stained my shoes so I had to run back to change them “Yes, how are you feeling today?” She grabs ahold of my hand and leads me to her bed. She sits down and pats the bed for me to sit beside her. “I’m feeling much better.. thanks to you.” I feel slightly nervous at her words. She’s really thankful for me.

~~

You think you’ve finally find the person you’ve been waiting for. Lord Felix. The aura you felt earlier is no longer there. You assumed wrong. He isn’t dark, but a kind and pure soul. You wish he was the one you were going to marry. I mean it doesn’t hurt to ask again. What’s the worst that’ll happen?

~~

“Felix, are you sure you don’t want to marry?” She softly whispers to me, her voice innocent, slightly scared of what I’m going to say.

“Well, I'm open to the idea. I just didn’t want it to be forced upon you. Your opinion matters.” I didn't realize how important my words were to her. Her eyes begin to tear up, “for the first time..” her voice begins to break, “i feel like I’m actually seen for once, heard.” Her hands are both placed on the sides of my face. She sighs happily, “Felix. I want to marry you.” I’m taken aback at her words. The woman from my dream is actually asking to marry me. I mumble a simple, “I want more than anything to make you happy.." I stand up and get on my knee in front of her.

Taking hold of her hand around mine, "If you want it, will you marry me, y/n?" She jumps into my arms, her grip strong, clinging onto me. She screams in excitement, "Yes! Yes! Of course I'll marry you!" I swing her around in my arms then gently let her on the ground. She stares up into my eyes, then she proceeds to jump into my arms again. Causing me to stumble back against the board of the bed. I fall onto my back as her body is on top of mine.

She pulls away giggling, “you’re mine now.” She mumbled softly. I almost didn’t hear it right. But I definitely understood it. She’s claiming me. "let me see your face," I whisper to her and she pulls away to look at me. My hand cups her face as she leans into my touch. I place a soft kiss to her cheek, her eyes widen. She quickly pulls off me and lands on her feet. I sat up to see what was wrong, to see that her face had turned visibly red.

"your brother is gonna kill me when he finds out." I joke with her and she lets a smile slip. "He apparently 'found me first'." She walks a little closer, "Well I met you first." Her expression is slightly annoyed. I chuckle lightly as she appears to be jealous. "Come here," I softly bring her by her waist. Her legs go to the side of my thighs, lightly sitting in my lap. Her face starts to become more red and she looks away. I turn her head back to me with her chin, "Am I making you nervous?" She nods her head slowly, "I get nervous looking at you." She reluctantly admits.

"This was never supposed to happen," I tilt my head to her in confusion. "What was?" She smiles as her finger softly traces my freckles once again, "Me falling for you." I smile and her finger goes over my lips, my bottom lip moving from her touch. It's so hard to resist. To resist myself not to take her right now. To have my lips on hers. To hear her little purrs of pleasure. My name falling off of her lips. Her body fits so perfectly in my hands. She was made for me.

"Kiss me, Felix." Her arms wrap around my neck, "Please." The look in her eyes is so hypnotizing. I grant her wish as our lips connect. Her lips are soft, like a pillow, melting into mine. My hand pulls her body closer to me, a soft grunt escapes from inside me. Her hands make their way into my hair, she softly tugs on it. I reluctantly pull away from her lips., our mouths still in close proximity. "Say stop and I will," I mumble against her lips. She shakes her head at me. "Keep going," she leans into my lips again.

Her body begins to rock against mine. The situation is starting to get more intense. My tongue softly slips into her mouth. Our tongues melt into each other, sharing our desire for each other. Passionate. I want this feeling to last forever. A small noise escapes her, my heart drops. So, this is how you sound. Your noises will be forever implanted in my mind. "We need to stop," I whisper as my lips trail wet kisses down her neck. "Don't stop," a short whimper leaves her lips as I softly nibbled on a spot. Her sweet spot. I continue to work on that spot, her hips dragging against mine.

"You're so beautiful," I mumble against her skin. Another sound leaves her with my praise. Do you like this? You like being praised? "I'm so lucky," I continue, her forehead falls into the crook of my neck. Causing me to stop my kisses. "My wife." She faces me again, her eyes so full of love. "What?" I question softly, she hugs me close to her. Eliminating all of the desire we had. "I'm so glad I found you." I smile brightly as she looks at me once again.

"Now the hard part.." She takes a heavy sigh, "telling my father and my brother." I laughed and nod my head. "I can handle that."

~~

“That does sound like Chan.” Felix laughs as he brings a cup of tea to his lips. We're currently discussing the last arrangements for the wedding, although your father keeps bringing up memories of the past. The big day is tomorrow. Felix is practically glowing. A cheeky smile on his lips, occasional looks in your direction. Although, you pretend not to notice. "Are you excited?" Your father asks Felix. He nods his head and replies, "How could I not be? I'm marrying the love of my life." You assumed he was looking at the table through the corner of your eye as you heard his words.

But he isn’t looking at the table. You can now feel his gaze toward the side of your face. You glance up to meet his eye, your insides turning to mush and butterflies roaming around. You shyly look away. Your father chuckles softly, "that's what I like to hear." He brings his cup to his lips and takes a sip. "I'm so glad you two are marrying. I couldn't imagine anyone better than you for my daughter." He smiles as he bows, "I thank you for accepting me." He makes eye contact with you once again and he winks. Causing a smile to appear on your lips.

~

You're back in your room, sleep is not on your mind. You stare out on the balcony, admiring the room. "You're supposed to be in bed." You hear a voice say to you, immediately recognizing Felix's voice. "Couldn't sleep," His arms wrap around your waist. His head nuzzles into the crook of your neck, "me either." Every other night, Felix sneaks into your room. It's the usual for you two, to either talk or fall asleep holding each other. "It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding," you turn to look at him. "Hm, wedding's tomorrow." He holds you close, placing a kiss to your lips. You haven't had a kiss in a while, not one even close to the first time you two shared a kiss from that morning. You desire a kiss like that again.

"What is it?" He holds your cheek, forcing you to look at him. You respond after thinking about what to say for a couple seconds, "I crave you, Lix." This isn't the first time you called him Lix. A nickname that had stuck after that morning, after you had breakfast with him. You notice his eyes widen a bit and he looks down. "We shouldn't," he shakes his head. Although, you can clearly tell he wants to. "I'll be your bride tomorrow, It won't matter," You try to convince him. "Please," you say softly, it feels as if you've been defeated. "You're my everything, my Angel."

His hands lift you up, one hand tucked under your legs and one on your back. Your hands quickly wrap around his neck. He sits you on your table, his eyes looking deeply into yours. "Are you sure you want to do this?" You nod your head quickly. "Words, angel." You whisper a soft, "I want to do this. I want you." He quickly moves his lips onto yours. He slides you to the edge of the table, his body closer to yours. Your legs opened as he set himself there. Your lips moving fast together, your body begins to burn with desire.

Your hands tangle into his hair, he softly grunts in your mouth. His hands roam around your body, not knowing where to touch. His hand sets on the bow holding your dress together. He pulls it off softly and it lands on the table slowly. Your dress begins to slowly slip off your body. His mouth moves onto your exposed skin, nibbling along your collarbones slowly. His body grinds against yours, making butterflies appear. Your groin aches with desire, desperately wanting to be touched. Small and short whimpers leave your mouth.

His hand traces along your leg, slowly creeping up. It reaches your inner thigh and he caresses it teasingly. "touch me," you begged him. "Please.." His hand grabs ahold of your undergarment as he slides it down. It falls on the floor and he's reaching to pull your dress off. He stops beforehand, "Can I?" You nod your head, your head feels cloudy with lust. He pulls your dress off of you and it lays underneath you. Your body on full display now for him. He groans at sight as he leans down to meet your below. He licks a strip up as your body reacts heavily. A gasp leaves you as he does it again.

A sharp spark hits you as he grazes upon something. A new sweet spot of yours. He begins to suck there and your body trembles. It feels so good. His tongue and mouth move along as you cover your mouth. Noises and whimpers leaving you like crazy. You feel his finger enter inside you as your eyes roll to the back of your head. Your back begins to arch as the pleasure is becoming immense. Your hips roll along his finger as you feel another add in. You feel this knot in your lower tummy as the pleasure increases. You beg him to keep going and the knot unravels. Your body shaking crazily and the feeling addicting. You feel a liquid seeping out of you.

Felix comes up to your face as he kisses you. You can taste yourself along his lips. You grip against his clothes, "n-not fair." You stuttered at your slightly weak state. He chuckles softly as he begins to pull his clothes off. Once his shirt leaves his body, you see how fit he is. The sight is so mesmerizing. You softly run your hands along his body. He pulls you to sit up as you're at the edge of the table again. "This might hurt a bit." You nod your head in understanding. You didn't even realize that he had fully stripped already. He slowly edges inside you. Your mouth falls agape at the feeling of him stretching you out.

His head falls into the crook of your neck, trying his best to resist thrusting. When you're ready, you tell him. He pulls almost all the way out and pushes back inside of you. A moan escapes as the feeling is superior. He begins a steady pace as your fingernails dig into his skin. Encouraging him to keep going. He hisses as he can feel you tightly clenching around him. "God, you feel so good." His head falls back, pure bliss on his face. The knot forms again but you try to hold out for him. Your back arches as your lips attach together. Pure tongue and lust. He knows you're holding out for him, so he starts to rub circles around your sweet spot. You whimper in his mouth and you have to pull away to breathe.

The sounds of your skin slapping together and the lewd noises of your bodies are so manipulative. You want to do this forever. The knot threatens to rip as your mouth produces screams of Felix's name. Finally it breaks as your body trembles once again. It causes Felix to finish as well. His hand places on the table to hold you two up. You both stay there as you try to get your breathing controlled. "We need to do this again," you giggle out and he smiles.

Your hands cup his face, "I love you." His eyes soften and he kisses your swollen lips. He mumbles, "I love you more," against your lips.

~~

Your maids are setting the finishing pieces to your wedding gown as you admire yourself in the mirror. They finish and you order them to leave. You can't believe this. Finally, the day has come.

You hear footsteps approaching from behind you and you assume it’s your brother coming to call you. You turn to see a man in all black. A mask covers his face completely. “Felix?” The man charges at you and next thing you know. A blade is struck into your stomach. You tumble backwards into the table. Causing glass to fall down and shatter. The assassin leaves through the balcony and your body falls to the ground. Your brother comes running into the room with multiple servants.

They call out for help and for a doctor. Your family runs into the room. Then you see him, Felix. He runs to you, dressed in his groom attire. You smile at him as a tear falls down your cheek, he hugs you close to your body. “This is all my fault,” his voice breaks as tears appear in his eyes. You stroke his cheek, smearing your blood onto him. “It’s not your fault.” You say weakly, blood begins to fill your mouth. It seeps down from your lips.

“Live for me. Live for the both of us,” he begs, tears fall down uncontrollably. “I need you here. Please don’t leave me!” Your lip quivers as your hear his pleas. “You have to let me go.” He sobs so loud now, “I don’t want to let you go!” Your hands reach up to his lips, forcing his lips into a smile. “Don’t be sad.” Your eyes feel heavy. “Kiss me, one more time.” He grants your wish as he places a kiss onto yours. Blood now staining his lips. “I love you, Felix.”

Your eyes close, the memory of Felix staying. Your life flashes. All the memories flood all at once. The most memorable were the ones with Felix. You feel yourself smile and let go. Goodbye, Felix. In another life, my love.

~~~~

A/N~ can you Guess who the killer was?

[buckybarnesisdaddy]

“The Last 5 Years”

Summary: You spend the morning catching up with an old friend and in that some secrets are revealed.

Pairings: Bucky X Reader, Reader X (🤭)

Warnings: Talks of PTSD, failed relationships, Trauma bonding.

A/N: the plot thickens! 🤭 Enjoy!

Previous

*You walk around the compound as you try to find the kitchen. When you do you walk around the corner and smack right into Steve. He holds your shoulders and steadies you as you both laugh a little.*

Y/N- Oh, I’m so sorry!! *You smile and squeeze his arm where you had grabbed to keep yourself from falling*

Steve- it's okay! *Steve laughs and gives your shoulders one last squeeze before he lets go.* That will teach me not to hang out around corners. *He holds his hands up like he’s surrendering. You smile as you walk to the fridge, trying to get something to eat.* So how was the reunion? *You turn around to look at him and you know he is trying not to laugh about the events of last night. Rolling your eyes and grabbing a water bottle from the fridge before you walk back over to him.*

Y/N- It was amazing, *You tease* even after your intrusion. *Steve laughs and nods.*

Steve- Good! I'm glad you two were able to talk and- *He looks at you as you cock your eyebrow, wondering if he was going to continue his sentence. He laughs and cringes* And I'm gonna stop talking because I'm realizing how weird this conversation is. *You laugh and so does Steve.*

Steve- But really *He smiles at you* I'm glad he found you. Today and all those years ago. *you hum in response.*

Y/N- How did he find me back then, did Nat tell him? I never actually asked. *Steve sighs and nods as he crosses his arms.*

Steve- Yeah, it was while he was on the run after Shield fell. We caught up to him a couple times and Nat mentioned how we could use more Avengers like him and others. She said she knew a woman who could help us who was like Bucky and her combined. That was enough for Bucky because he left and we couldn’t find him again until the U.N. Bombing. *You smile fondly, remembering that day.*

Y/N- He wanted to pick up where we left off but everything was still fresh for me. I was scared so I told him to get lost but he didn't. He kept checking up on me, even from Wakanda. I just wish I could have let myself trust him then. We could have been together all this time- who knows where we would be or what our life would look like now. *Steve gently smiles and reassures you.*

Steve- You trust him now and you're with him now, that's all that matters. You start from here. *You sniffle and wipe a tear away from your face*

Y/N- making me cry before my coffee Rogers?! Not cool! *Steve laughs and wraps you up in a hug. He steps away and you start to walk out of the kitchen, deciding to wait on breakfast.*

Steve- Y/N, I feel I should tell you- it explains how he found you yesterday- Y/N, he knows what happened between us during the snap. *Your stomach drops and you feel anger and fear rising in you.*

Y/N- What?!? You had no right to tell him, Steve! *Steve tries to calm you down.*

Steve- He deserved to know- I knew he would understand. *He reaches out for your hand and you pull away.*

Y/N- I had a one night stand that turned into a year long relationship with his best friend and you thought he would just understand?!?! *As you raise your voice, Steve gets slightly louder as well, wanting you to hear and understand.*

Steve- I knew he would understand because I told him the truth, Y/N. That we found each other and we were both grieving and we needed something to take our minds off of it all. *You stare at him as his words sink in* I told him that when you eventually left me you did so because I couldn't be him and how you cried yourself to sleep most nights because all I did was remind you of what you had lost. *Your anger dissipates* And how even when you tried to move on you couldn't because your love for him was and is so great. *Steve takes your hands and you let him this time.* Y/N, I had to tell him, he's my best friend I couldn't keep it from him. Plus, he kind of found out himself. *You sigh and pull him into a hug and then pull back.*

Y/N- Wow, *You croak out sadly.* hearing it out loud makes it sound even worse. *Steve lightly laughs* You heard me cry at night?

Steve- yup *Steve says as he pops the “p”. Your heart breaks a little.*

Y/N- I'm sorry, Steve *Steve shrugs and looks at you. You both can’t help but laugh.*

Y/N- I never should have been with you, it wasn't fair to you. I knew I wasn't okay- *Steve stops you*

Steve- You we're going through it, we both were. Neither one of us should have pursued that relationship but we did... we both did. That's why I had to tell him, y/n. *You look at Steve and nod. You then shake your head.*

Y/N- Still, I should have been the one to tell him, Steve.

*A voice from behind you makes your stomach drop.*

Bucky- don't be upset with Steve..*You turn around and see Bucky.* I made him tell me everything. *You look at Steve who is leaning back against the counter, arms crossed and staring at the two of you.* I kind of assumed that something happened and he just confirmed it for me. *You start to explain.*

Y/N- Bucky I- *Bucky gently smiles and an ease washes over you.*

Bucky- Look it's all in the past. *He takes your hands* I was going to ask you about it later today *Bucky shoots Steve a look and Steve mouths sorry.*  I just want to know your side and If what Steve said was true.

Y/N- Yes Bucky, every word. *You plead for him to believe you. Bucky nods.*

Bucky- okay. *Bucky nods and kisses your forehead.*

Y/N- okay? *You are slightly confused. You pull back and look up at him.* You're not gonna yell or get mad? *You look between Steve and Bucky. Bucky smiles and laughs as he thinks back to the day he found out.*

Bucky- Well, when Steve told me about a month ago I was upset. *Steve nods as he looks at the ground.* But then we found out Hydra was back and I actually found out about you two because Steve brought up saving you before I even had the chance. *You look at Steve who looks at you and gives a sheepish smile. You smile and then look back at Bucky.* That is when I knew something was up so I asked him and he just confirmed it. He helped me realize that It was a relationship that was brought on by shared trauma- and technically we hadn't been together in what? 5 years- 10 if you add in the time I was snapped. So how could I be mad at you or Steve? *He pulls you close again.* I was tired of grudges and old mistakes ripping people apart so I let it go. I just want to be with you and start the life we fought so hard for in Siberia. *He runs his hand through your hair and he gives you the sweetest kiss. Your heart just melts. He then gives you a little smirk.* Besides it would have been silly for me to assume that there wasn't going to be anyone else during those 10 years. I mean look at you!?! *Bucky steps back and checks you out. Steve laughs and looks off to the side.*

Steve- Okay, I'm gonna be sick if you two don't stop. *Bucky puts his arm around you and gives Steve a daring smile*

Bucky-  Hey Y/N, guess what a little birdie told me late last night when I got up to get some water. *Bucky says all of this without breaking eye contact with Steve. Steve scoffs and shakes his head*

Steve- You wouldn't *He says shooting the same look back at Bucky*

Y/N- Oo Spill! *You jump up and down in Bucky’s arms, right where you stand. Giddy to hear the gossip.*

Bucky- I wasn't the only one who had company last night. Steve, do you have anything you want to share?

Steve- Nope. *Steve keeps a straight face, even as Nat walks through the kitchen wearing Steve's t-Shirt. You watch her as she grabs an apple and leaves the kitchen. You cock your eyebrow with a knowing look. You smirk at Steve.*

Y/N- you were saying?? *You tease and Steve smiles as he rolls his eyes.*

Steve- don't you have a date with Peter? *Steve said this in a way to try and embarrass you but it doesn’t work*

Y/N- oh yeah! *You exclaim. Bucky is a little concerned.*

Bucky- whoa whoa I don't know how I feel about-

Y/N- Peter!! Has anyone seen Peter? *you say as you are walking out of the kitchen. Bucky looks at Steve*

Bucky- Answer me this, How exactly did it end, you never told me. Also who else knew?!?

Steve- Nat was the only one who knew about us. How it ended? Well when we both realized she was never going to get over you we knew the relationship wouldn't last. So one day she just left. *Bucky stands a little straighter and he gives Steve a smug look*

Bucky- Well, what can I say, the Women always preferred me over you. *Steve laughs and gives Bucky a shove. Bucky just smiles*

Steve- I ran into her about 5 months later and she was teaching at the school and she was in therapy for her time with Hydra/PTSD and everything involving you. *Steve smiles* She was a lot better, we tried again but I knew I wasn't going to stop until I got everyone back and the moment you came back she'd leave me in the dust so we decided it was best if we remained friends. *Bucky cringes*

Bucky- ouch, sorry buddy. *He pats Steve’s shoulder.*

Steve- Ehh it's alright, *Steve looks over to where Nat is sitting* I'm really happy with Nat, I think we could really have something. And it’s been a long time in the making. *Bucky smiles and gives Steve another pat on the back.*

Bucky- I'm happy for you, man.

Steve- Thanks *Steve smiles before he looks and sees you outside with Peter. You are sitting and then looks back at Bucky and give him a teasing wave. They wave back.*

Steve- Is she really okay Buck. I mean it took her a long time to get to a good place but that dream she had on the jet last night- You know she wasn't de-programmed like you, it's all still in there for her. *Bucky sighs.*

Bucky- I know but we need to handle Hydra first then maybe we can take her to Wakanda and see if they can help her. I just hope nothing happens before then. *Steve looks at Bucky.*

Steve- Hey, we are all here for her Buck. We are going to keep her safe as best we can and on that note, Tony needed us, you coming? *Bucky watches as you talk with Peter, laughing and having a good time. Bucky looks over his shoulder as he answers Steve.*

Bucky- Ya, I'm right behind you. *Bucky looks over you one more time. You see him still there and you shoo him away. He smiles and waves you off as he leaves to go find Steve and Tony*

Next

Taglist: @hisredheadedgoddess28 @cadencejames87 @cjand10 @jessieasher1616 @janineb86 @anastasiamariebarnes @slytherinqueen4life @theinheriteddutchess @georgiapeach30513

[dollyyyhouse]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

An AU where the demons involved in the exchange student program have always plotted to sacrifice the humans in the program.

This is an edit! I'm adding some content warning because I originally forgot to add some :}

CW: Mentions and descriptions of violence, mostly a horror AU!

Poor sleep habits were common, nothing unusual for people like yourself, but ever since your arrival in the Devildom; sleeping peacefully seemed like a thing of the past. You began to toss and turn in your sleep, night terrors of violent scenes, all of which involved YOU playing the poor and helpless victim flooded your dreams, and those few seconds you faded in and out of sleep— you could hear ghastly cries for help to YOU and ineligible mumbling in your ear. Perhaps it was your mind playing tricks on you?

No. You swore it wasn't, the Avatars of Hell even explained the story behind the House of Lamentation. The macabre and brutal murders that took place and how poltergeist roamed the halls in search of either revenge or rest— for all you knew, you might have stood in the exact same place as a victim during the attacks! Were the same entities that had died in the murders the ones whispering and crying out for help to you?

Some nights, all you could do was helplessly lay in your bed, praying for a sun that would never come out. Oh, how you wished to see the light of day during those lonely nights. All you could do was find beauty in the little things; and that's exactly what you did.

One evening, you confided in the second eldest brother, Mammon, about your fears of living in the house, along with your night terrors. "Huh? What are ya' yapping about, human?" Mammon looked at you in a funny way, as if you were some weirdo. "Uh, well, I don't know," you let out an awkward laugh, "I guess it's just my imagination that's making me feel uneasy. You did explain that all sorts of ghost and ghouls exist in the Devildom." The demon laughed, "Aha! The Great Mammon is always right!"

"I told ya', stop freaking out over no big deal, not like anything can hurt you with me watchin' over ya'!" Mammon slung his arm over your shoulder, keeping you close, almost too close. It was like he always wanted to have power over you. Even if he didn't boast about it outright— Mammon, along with all of his brothers and the others involved in the exchange student program, were one step ahead of you. "Those dumb little ghost can't do anything. All they do is whine and groan about the past, just don't talk to them. " Little by little, you tuned Mammon out. You originally didn't mean to, you had just fallen down a rabbit hole of thoughts. When you realized he was still complaining about 'this' and 'that', you just grew tired of listening to the greedy man speak.

You parted ways from the demon, using the excuse of wanting to wash up and have some alone time in the bathroom. Truth be told, Mammon's words didn't soothe you at all. His statement about how the ghost only ever "complain about the past" struck a nerve with you, how could they not? Majority of them died pitiful deaths and were cursed to roam a house with a tainted reputation.

So, here you were. Fresh out of the bath, brushing your teeth and planning on heading to bed soon after. You spit out the left over toothpaste, glancing at your reflection in the foggy mirror before looking down into the sink, you resumed brushing, catching another glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You spit again, in the upper corner of your eye, you see a young girl in a tattered and bloody nightgown, you go to grab a cup — wait what?

Flipping around, you see no one. "Holy shit.. I need to get a grip of myself!" You mumble. Turning back to the mirror, a message appeared to form in the foggy and damp mirror. "Run." You weren't sure if that was the message intended, the writing looked as if a child had written it in a rush. Deep down, you prayed it was just a young poltergeist playing tricks on you, maybe the kid had eavesdropped on your conversation with Mammon?

You discarded your towels on the bathroom counter, hurrying over to your closet to dig for pajamas before someone saw you naked. Once you grabbed a nightgown, you quickly threw it on and jumped into bed— hoping that you could fall asleep before the monsters came out to play.

It truly seemed like everyone and everything around you was always one step ahead of you. When you shifted in your bed, you were met with a pair of eyes only displaying a mortified expression. When you blinked, they were gone. Retreating under the blanket, you curled up and made sure the blanket was properly tucked underneath you and that not even a toe would be seen; only allowing a small pocket of air for your nose. "I feel too much like a scared child right now, damn it, it's so stuffy underneath this stupid blanket!" Shutting your eyes, a pout formed on your lips and your brows furrowed.

The security of the blanket seemed to help you, because just a few moments later, you were slowly falling into sleep, but conscious enough that even a creak of a door would alert you. Usually the night terrors would wait until you were in a deep sleep to begin; but this time they begun early.

Your thoughts were hazy, you could barely keep up with the dialogue running through your dream, but familiar figures lurked throughout the dream.

"Stop this! Please! I thought I could trust you!" Those words fell from your lips, only to fall upon deaf ears. Your body moved on it's own, as much as it possibly could with the ropes holding your body into the shape of a star. "Barbatos, is everyone ready to begin our precious exchange student's graduation ceremony?" A grand voice spoke, the owner of the voice was all too familiar, along with the name he mentioned. Nothing made sense, but neither did the 8 other hooded figures surrounding you. All of the demons began to chant an unknowing curse, the man who spoke first stood beside you, wielding a large knife. "No, no, no, no, no! Stop, I did everything I was supposed to! I thought you were meant to keep the human exchange student alive no matter what!—" In a swift motion, the tall figure stabbed you in the chest, twisting and forming a shape in your lower chest to upper gut.

And just like that, you woke up and recollected all the other scenes in your night terrors. All had similar dialogue and the same hooded figures, almost everything was the exact same, besides a few scenes where your restraints broke loose due to "your" thrashing. The nightmares weren't of you, instead, you were only a replacement for the past exchange student who suffered a fate you were soon also going to suffer.

The poltergeist around you were only trying to warn you. The demons you thought of as friends were the hooded figures of the dreams! How could you be so stupid to trust a demon, let alone 9 demons?! Your heart race increased, it seemed like at any moment your heart would just bounce out of your chest and run away!

It all made sense, the highest ranking demons of Devildom were always PLENTY of steps ahead of you. You didn't know when, but soon, you were going to be betrayed and slaughtered.

[stuckysbaby1938]

In the beginning

Summary: when you get captured by Rumlow and Steve comes to your rescue. Once he has you, he doesn't want to let you go.

warnings: DD/LG lifestyle, mentions of needles, drugging, little space, Rumlow being Rumlow, threats, very light panic attack (just reader saying she can't breath), abuse, mentions of blood, reader cries a lot, choking, mentions of murder, parental death, cursing, pet names (princess, baby, honey, angel, doll),

first person narrative, reader is named in this story

Word count: 4009

********************

"Oh, I'm sorry." I was walking home from the store when I bumped into a tall man. He didn't respond so I tried to walk around him. He stopped me, so I tried to walk backwards only to walk into another chest. I looked behind me to see another man as the one in front started walking towards me. I begin to panic. Two more men came from either side of the street. "Don't worry, we're gonna take good care of you." Right after the man in the front spoke, I felt something poke my neck and then it all went dark.

********************

When I woke up I was in a small room. I immediately started to feel little from fear. I looked around, trying to find a way out when a man opened the door. He was the same man that I bumped into. "Don't be scared, baby." I crawled into the corner, feeling tears burn my eyes. "Don't cry." His voice, which was soft at first, turned cold. It only made me cry harder. "Stop crying." He walked closer. I tried to scoot back, but I was already cornered. "I said stop crying!" He yelled. He came closer. He covered my mouth with his hand. "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you a real reason to cry." I couldn't breathe.

"So are you gonna stop crying? Huh?" He tightened his hand. I nodded as best as I could with his hand forcing my head back. "Good girl." He whispered in my ear. He leaned in close, to close. He started to drag his nose along my neck, making me pull away. He pulled back and looked at me with fury in his eyes. I heard it before I felt it. Heat spread through my cheek from the force of his hand. Tears continue to fall from my eyes. He raised his hand again but he never struck. He put his hand down and turned to the door, laughing as he left. I rolled myself into a ball and cried until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, he was there again. I immediately cower away from him. "You must be hungry. Eat." He slide a tray close to me. I just looked at him from the floor. "I never told you my name. I'm Brock." I didn't respond. "Eat or don't eat. It's up to you, but this is all you get." He got up and left. I looked at the tray. It had a sandwich, a cup of fruit, and a carton of milk like you would get in a cafeteria. I was hungry but didn't want to eat. So I tuck my arms in my shirt and tried to sleep.

I woke up to a bang outside and started to cry. Rumlow walked in and I noticed the blood on his forehead. "You're coming with me." He grabbed my arm and drug me out of the cell. I started to scream only for Brock to slam me into the wall and put his hand around my throat. "You listen to me, you little bitch. You're gonna do what I say so we can get out of here and if you even think about screaming, then I'll cut your fucking tongue out, you hear me?" I nodded. He released my throat and held a finger to his lips. He started walking and I followed him into room after room.

When we got to the third room, I saw a fire extinguisher. Without thinking I grabbed it and threw it at him. It hit him square in the back and when he fell, I ran for it. I had no idea where I was going, I just ran. I didn't stop until I hit what felt like a brick wall. I looked up and saw a man with a mask over his face. I tried to run away from him but a woman was standing in the doorway. I started to cry when I realized there was no way out of here. I backed up into the corner of the room and grabbed the closest thing to me, which was just a pencil, to try and keep them away. The man took off his mask and bent down to look me in the eye.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. There's no need to be afraid, angel." The man walked closer while holding his hands up. I watched him through blurry eyes. "Shhh, don't be afraid. We're here to help you." He kneeled in front of me. "It's okay." He took the pencil and laid it on the ground next to him. "Steve, we gotta go." The woman was now beside Steve. "Working on it, Nat." He never took his eyes off me. Before anyone could say anything else, Brock ran into the room. Steve stood up and looked to Natasha who was looking at Brock. "I see you found my new pet." He stepped closer only for Steve to step in front of me. "Now you can give her back." Brock pointed his gun at Steve. "That's not gonna happen, Rumlow, so put the gun down before I beat your ass. Again." Steve growled. Natasha looked at me. "Dove, do you want to go with him?" I shook my head and cried harder. "You take her to the jet, I'll take care of him." Natasha said walking toward Brock. "You sure?" She nodded. "I can handle myself, Rogers." She smirked and ran at Rumlow.

Before I could see much, Steve picked me up and carried me to the exit. A gunshot rang through the building, making me hold onto Steve tighter. "It's okay, no one can hurt you now. I'm here." He whispered as we got outside. I saw the jet out of the corner of my eye and I could see a few people. Steve walked up the ramp and sat down with me still in his arms. "Where's Nat?" Another man asked. "Taking care of Rumlow. Where Bruce?" Steve started to rub my back to calm me down. "Right here. Are you hurt?" A man with glasses and a tablet came out of a room. "No but I don't know if she is or not." Steve stood and started to walk to the front of the jet. "Where was she?" Bruce asked as he walked beside Steve into the medical bay. "With Rumlow. I don't know for how long or what he did to her." Steve tried to put me down on the table but I didn't let him. Instead I just held onto him.

"Angel, you need to lay down so we can see if you're hurt." He tried to reason. "No, no no! Hims gonna get me!" I screamed. "No, no baby. My friends taking care of him." He looked to Bruce for help. "No! Hims comin'! Don't let him get me!" I cried harder and his in Steve's chest. "Bruce, what do we do?" Steve whispered while rocking me back and forth to calm me down. "I just need her to lay down so I can check her for injuries." Bruce went and grabbed a shot. I screamed at the site of it. "Hey, hey, it's okay angel. If you just lay down and let him check you, then you don't have to have a shot, okay? Can you lay down for me?" I nodded slowly and laid down. Bruce checked me over for any injuries and when he found none, he let me sit up. "Nothing but a couple of bruises." Bruce assured. I tried to get off of the table they had me one but I couldn't.

When Steve noticed, he picked me up and put me on his hip. I laid my head on his shoulder as he started to walk towards the back of the jet. When we got there, Natasha was back and so were two other people. Steve sat down in a chair and started to rock back and forth. Soon I was asleep again. "Who's the girl?" Clint asked. "We don't know yet." Bruce said. "She seem to like you, Rogers." Natasha smirked. Steve rolled his eyes. After a little while everyone was sitting down on their phones, reading, or asleep.

********************

Once the jet landed, everyone was tired enough that they decided that they would debrief tomorrow. Steve, still with the girl in his arms, went to the elevator up to his floor. The doors opened and he saw his husband, Bucky, on the couch, watching some cop show. Bucky got up to greet his husband. but stopped when he saw a girl sound asleep on his husbands shoulder. "Who's that?" Bucky walked closer to Steve. "I'm not sure exactly. She was at the hydra base and I couldn't leave her with Rumlow." Bucky tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Where's she gonna sleep? If she wakes up beside two guys she doesn't know, she might freak out." Bucky took her in his arms so Steve could get some water. "I figured she could sleep in the spare. I just couldn't leave her alone in a med bay." Steve walked towards the stairs, to their shared room. Bucky followed him. "I think she would feel better in the spare anyway. Although she didn't wanna let me go so Bruce could give her a check-up." Steve went into the walk in closet and came out in a white tee shirt and grey sweats to match Bucky.

"She's gonna need some pajamas. She can't sleep in jeans." Steve went back into the closet and grabbed an old tee shirt and another pair of sweats. "This'll have to do for tonight." Steve slipped her shirt over her head and replaced it with his while Bucky worked her jeans down her legs, all while she laid sound asleep. Once she was dressed, they took her to the spare room. It was the smaller of the two with light grey walls, a queen sized bed in the middle of the room with a few book shelves along the walls, and a few pieces of art here and there. Steve pulled the covers back while Bucky laid her down. Once she was covered up, they each kissed her forehead before walking out and shutting the door.

********************

When I woke up, I looked around at where I was.  I quickly climbed out of bed and quietly opened the door. I heard voices downstairs. I tiptoed down the stairs, hoping they didn't hear me, but the supersoldiers heard everything and smiled. When I walked into the kitchen, I saw Steve, the man from before, and another man I didn't know. I started to back out of the room. "Don't be afraid, angel. He won't hurt you either." Steve said as he flipped the last pancake. "C'mere doll." The man on the barstool said. I could feel my heartrate pick up as I stood still. Bucky looked over at Steve for help. Steve placed the pancakes in the oven to keep warm before he slowly walked over to me. "You remember me, sweetheart?" I nodded and walked over to him and raised my arms. He chuckled and picked me up. "This is Bucky, honey. You can trust him." Steve walked over to Bucky. He smiled at me and held out his hand. "Can you tell me your name, doll?" Bucky asked. "Ashton." I whispered. "That's pretty, baby. Thank you for telling me." I smiled and hid in Steve's neck. "I think someone's shy, Buck." Steve smirked. "I think you're right Stevie." Bucky rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "Are you hungry, princess?" I nodded. "how do some pancakes sound?" Bucky took me out of Steve's arms and started to walk in a circle. Steve made everyone a plate a sat down, me still on Bucky's lap.

After we ate Steve took me to the couch while Bucky cleaned the kitchen. Steve put me down and started to leave. "Where a goin'" I started to get up when he stopped me by picking me up and sitting me back down. "I'm just going to see if Bucky needs any help, angel." I nodded and brought my knees to my chest. "I'll be right ba-" before he could finish his sentence Bucky walked in. "No need, punk. I'm already done." Bucky came and sat beside me and I leaned on his shoulder. He smiled and put his arm around me. "Doll, can you tell us more about yourself?" Steve sat in front of me on the coffee table. "Like what?" I didn't really know what to say, it wasn't like there was a lot to know. "Where are you from?" Bucky asked. "Brooklyn." I have never left Brooklyn. Well, until the whole hydra thing. "Any siblings?" Steve was next. "No." I whispered. "What about your parents?" Steve asked.

"What about them?" I felt myself start slipping out of little space. "What are their names? What are they like?" I sighed. "My mom's name is Charlotte. I don't really remember her anymore." I whispered. I saw the look on their faces. "She died when I was 7. She was shot when two guys broke in one night." I started to stare at the ceiling. "Where were you?" Bucky spoke after a minute. "Right beside her." I didn't realize I was crying until Steve wiped a tear away. "After she died, my dad started to just-" I paused looking for the right word. "-not care anymore." They looked at me, waiting for me to continue. "He started drinking more, staying out late at the bar. He was barley ever home, but when he was," I stood up and started to pace. "He would yell for no reason. I mean I would be sitting there, waiting for him to be a fucking father and actually take care of his child, but he never did. He just yelled and yelled and-." Steve put his hands on my shoulders to stop me from moving. I hadn't even noticed him get up. "You don't have to tell us anymore about that. Let talk about something else." Steve lead me back to couch and sat us down.  

"What do you like to do, angel?" I thought for a minute. "I like to color." I whispered. "So does Steve, doll. He'll have to show you some of his drawings." I smiled at that. "Why don't we go look at them now?" Steve stood and held out his hand. I took it immediately and started walking with him towards a door I hadn't been in before. He opened the door and my jaw dropped. There were drawings and art supplies everywhere. Before we could really look at anything a voice sounded throughout the room. "Captain Rogers?" I looked around. Steve chuckled at my reaction. "Yes Friday?" The voice spoke again. "Mr. Stark request your presence in conference room B." Steve sighed. "Tell him I'll be right there." Steve gently tugged my hand and pulled me out of the room. "Alright sweetheart, you gotta stay here with Bucky while I go talk to my friend, okay?" We started walking to the stairs. He lead me into a bedroom and told me to sit on the bed. Bucky walked out of the closet dressed in a maroon Henley and black jeans. "You get called down too?" Bucky asked. Steve sighed and nodded. "What do we do with her? Can we take her?" Bucky shook his head. "We can't take her, you know that." Bucky leaned against the wall.

"Why not? She's not gonna be a bother and I'm not leaving her up here alone." Steve walked into the closet to get dressed. He and Bucky whispered a little more before they came out smiling. "C'mon doll, we need to go get you dressed." Bucky grabbed my hand and lead me out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door. When we got inside the elevator I watched the numbers of the floors as we descended. Steve knocked on a door and a woman opened it. She had long red hair and a warm smile. "Good morning, who's this?" She waved at me and I shyly waved back. "This is Ashton. She needs something to wear for the day. Can she borrow something?" She nodded and waved us inside. "What would you like to wear, hun? I have leggings, sweats, jeans?" She lead us to her room and opened her closet. "Leggings?" It was more of a question than a statement. "Of course, pick out anything you like." I walked in and grabbed a pair of black leggings and plain white shirt. "Thank you." I whispered.

"You're welcome, anything you need, just ask." She smiled. I got dressed and then we were in the elevator again. "Where we goin'" I looked up at Steve. "Bucky and I have to go to a meeting and we didn't want to leave you alone." I nodded and shivered. Steve noticed. "Are you cold?" I nodded again. He took off his sweatshirt and slipped it over my head. He pulled me to his chest for extra warmth. When the elevator stopped we all got out and walked to the meeting room. Bucky held the door while Steve gently pushed me inside. I froze at the amount of people and started to feel myself slip. "Finally you two show up. Who's the girl?" Sam asked. "She's the one he saved yesterday." Natasha waved at me. "Ashton, this is Tony, Sam, Clint, Bruce, and Natasha. Everyone this is Ashton." Steve pointed at everyone as he named them. Tony, who sat at the head of the table, just stared at me. My breathing got heavy as I turned to Steve. 

Tony stood up and walked over to me. He crouched down to my level and pulled something out the pocket on his suit. It was a small lollipop. "There's no need to be scared, honey. We just need to talk about what happened last night." He held the lollipop out to me. I took it slowly. He smiled and went to sit back down. Steve and Bucky sat down at the table and Bucky patted his thigh. I sat on his lap while they had their meeting and enjoyed my little treat.

********************

She fell asleep on Bucky's lap a few minutes into the meeting. After the meeting was over, everyone left but Tony, Steve, and Bucky. "She's adorable." Tony smiled as he looked at her. "She is. She seems to trust us." Steve looked at her too. Tony looked between the two supersoldiers. "You two don't know, do you?" They both shared a look. "She's regressed." Steve and Bucky were still confused. Tony sighed. "When someone regresses, they revert back to a childlike mindset. It's to heal their inner child because they had to grow up to fast or they had a rough childhood. They might play with toys, use bottles and pacifiers, or maybe suck their thumb." Tony nodded to Ashton, who was now in Steve's lap, sucking on the tip of her thumb. "What do we do?" Bucky asked. "When she wakes up you ask her if she has a care giver. If she says no-" Steve cut Tony off. "Then we can be her care givers." Tony went wide eyed.

"Just make sure you do your research. Being a care giver is hard. Don't hurt her again." With that Tony got up and left. "You really wanna be a care giver?" Bucky asked. "I want to be her care giver."

********************

I woke up to two supersoldiers staring at me. "Hi doll." Bucky smiled at me. "Hi." My voice was soft as I sat up. "Can you take me home?" I wanted to see Franklin. Franklin was my favorite stuffed animal in the whole world. He was a green dinosaur and my best friend. It might be kinda sad to have a stuffed animal as your best friend, but I had a hard time making friends. "You wanna go home? Like to your mommy or daddy?" They had done their research and Steve was becoming very nervous. When I laughed they looked at each other with confused looks. "I don't have a mommy or a daddy." Steve was filled with joy and anger all in one. "So you just take care of yourself?" I nodded. "That's not safe baby. You need someone to take care of you. What if you hurt yourself while your all alone one day?" Steve pulled me into his lap. "I want a daddy, but I can't find one." It was true. I had looked for a daddy but I never got one.

"We could be your daddies." Steve whispered into my ear. I searched his eyes for any sign of dishonesty but there was none. "R-really?" They nodded. "Only if you want us to, baby. We want this but only if you do too." Bucky grabbed my hand. "I would like that." We all shared a smile. "If we're gonna be your daddies, then we need to go shopping, angel." Steve stood with me in his arms. "Wait! I need Franklin! He's all alone in my room! We has to get him!" I jumped out of Steve's grip and ran to get my shoes when Bucky picked me up. "Who's Franklin, sweets?" I looked at him like he was crazy. "Franklin's my stuffie. I need him!" I started squirming to get away. "We'll go get him, honey. And we'll get whatever else you want."

********************

When we got to my apartment, I started to run up the stairs only to be stopped by a hand grabbing my wrist. "No running, angel. You could get hurt." Steve put me on his hip and I frowned. I started to say something but Bucky cut me off. "You'll get Franklin, baby but you can't run up the stairs, you could fall and hurt yourself." After a few more stairs, we were at my door. I took the key out from under the mat and unlocked the door. I immediately ran to my room and flopped on my bed. Steve and Bucky watched from the doorway, looking around. The room was a light blue with white stars painted on the wall near my bed. There were three bookshelves, all filled with books. I had turned the window into a reading nook when I moved in. Steve smiled at paci sitting on my nightstand.

"This is all I need." I walked over to Bucky and raised my arms for him to pick me up. "Are you sure, honey? You can take whatever you want." Bucky rubbed my back as he spoke. "But we can always come back here to get anything else you want." Steve added. "Wait!" Bucky let me down and I ran into my playroom and grabbed my favorite coloring book. It had pictures of farm animals in it and it came with stickers.

Not long after it was time for dinner. We all sat down at the table and ate together. After that it was bath time. Bucky washed my hair then Steve washed my body. They dried me off with a nice fluffy towel. They put me in my new hello kitty pajamas and took me upstairs. Bucky laid me down in their bed while Steve went to get ready for bed. Once Steve was done, he came and laid with me while Bucky went to take a shower. Soon we were all cuddled up under the covers with me laying on Steve's bare chest and Bucky behind me. "Good night, princess." Bucky kissed my cheek. "We'll be here when you wake up." Steve kissed my forehead.

"Good night, daddies."

[rockofeye]

Ogou, a project finally finished, and upcoming possibilities!

The calendar has gotten ahead of me, and here we are again on a jou fet/feast day for Ogou. It's been quiet around these parts for a minute (more on that below..), and it feels like that kind of timing that puts you in exactly the right place at the right moment. Funny how divine providence works.

If you've hung around for a minute, you know the story I'm going to tell. Maybe I sound like an old person who walked barefoot up a hill in three feet of snow to go to school, but it's something that stuck with me and it's something that really did change my life.

Today is St. George's feast day, which is a day given to at least one Ogou for most if not all vodouizan; it's probably one of few overarching pieces of sameness that you can find country-wide in Haiti. Ogou is central to Vodou; it was Ogou Feray and Ogou Je Wouj who sprang up during Bwa Kayiman and who stoked the revolutionary spark that made the first free Black republic a reality. He is probably more central than he is given credit for; he is certainly overlooked at times in favor of others.

I've had the grace to not be able to overlook Ogou. He made sure of that when he (among others) brought me to my spiritual mother and the lineage named after nasyon Nago, the family of Ogou.

He also made sure of that when I was careening down a very bumpy road towards kanzo. It was 8 years ago now (!!) that I was sitting in an apartment that I would end up abandoning not knowing how in the hell I was going to get everything in order for kanzo just a few months later. I didn't have the money, I didn't have the stuff I needed, I don't even think I had my passport at that point. I was in serious trouble, and I knew it.

So, I did what I could and sat and made a small service for Ogou. I bought what little I could put together, made it pretty, and presented it to him. In retrospect, it's kind of cute what I thought I knew and must have been like a small child presenting you with the product of their toils: the spiritual equivalent of a mud pie with dandelions stuck in it and a macaroni necklace.

But, I did it and I told Ogou that I knew I had made a promise, I knew that I was in trouble, and that I would do whatever he told me if it got me into the djevo. I lit the match and gave it to him, he set the fire and burned my life down.

Within two weeks, I abandoned the apartment I had and packed my car to make a couple of trips into Boston to live in a teeny tiny rented room that was close to my job that Ogou would direct me to quit. I sold my car, any possessions I had that were worth money, and took my stacked vacation time money from the job I quit, all while working up until a few days before I needed to fly to Haiti and hustling at night with whatever side gigs I could find. I bought my flights to/from Haiti before I prepared anything else or even had the money I needed in my hands because I figured that it would be pretty awkward if I had to fly to Haiti and just...hang out when I had been planning to kanzo all along.

It looked like things were going to work out. I was barely sleeping, but the money was coming in and I had the things I needed to go to Haiti with....but what would things be without a last minute twist?

Two days before I left for Haiti, I found out that the way my rent was going to be paid while I was in Haiti fell through. So, I spent two days moving what I could into a friend's basement and abandoned the rest of my belongings, again. I had some boxes, a couple bags of clothes, my suitcase to go to Haiti with...and that's it. Everything else was gone, and I found myself in an airport unsure of where I was going when I got back.

I made it to Haiti after delayed and canceled flights and some crying in a corner, and the rest is history. Ogou (and all my lwa) held me up during the process, and held me up afterwards while he helped me rebuild the life I gave him to burn down. Literally everything I have now descends from the hands of Ogou and my lwa. Career and professional success, home, relationship, spiritual opportunities...all of it down to the last little piece. Nothing is without his/their influence, and my life has become worth living because of it. He saved me, and it all really started on this day 8 years ago. It's been a wild ride the last 12 years with the lwa, and I genuinely couldn't ask for anything better.

'Gratitude' is not a sufficient word because it cannot encompass how I hold all these things inside of me. It is beyond language and verbalization, and when I find myself in front of Ogou and wanting to thank him yet again for all that he has done for me, words are insufficient. I look at him kind of despairing to explain, and he just nods. He knows.

And here I am. Like I said, a wild ride. I looked at a calendar the other day and it really has been 12 years since I got dropkicked into Vodou. So much has happened and so much is to happen and to become. I am not yet the reflection of what I believe the lwa want for me, but I do believe I am climbing closer each day.

I've been pretty occupied in the last year with big stuff; I wrote previously about the completion of my husband's immigration process FINALLY which has him in the US with me permanently (and back and forth to Haiti as life allows). After that, a rather large project occupied most of my time/energy.

Details about that and upcoming stuff behind the cut.

I keep a lot of things close to my heart and am careful about what I write about here, both for practical and esoteric reasons. I strive to be transparent and vulnerable in healthy ways, and yet maintain some semblance of privacy, especially for those closest to me, like my husband.

But we did a thing and it's such a big thing that it deserves a mention in the place where I have detailed some of the most important bits of my life. Presenting our first collaborative effort:

Bondye, all the lwa, and the power of our collective ancestors gave us the opportunity to bring this soul and newest ancestor into being. We are happy to have our little potato with us. This is what has kept me so quiet here; pregnancy is not for the weak and it was a ride I, your friendly neighborhood gender non-conforming houngan, never thought I would take....and yet life with the lwa brings new twists and turns and beautiful gifts. I was deadset on never having children of my own, and here I am with a little potato.

This has opened a wide new world for me and boy have the lwa had a lot to say before and after the potato arrived. They are a tiny pitit Ginen and the lwa have been clear that we can never forget that.

So...there's that. It's funny, but being the caretaker of a potato that the lwa are deeply invested in brings me back to why this blog was started in the first place: I was having experiences that I did not see reflected anywhere, so I decided to write it all down.

I am not the first parent in the world, of course, and absolutely not the first vodouizan to bring forth a child...but again I don't find anyone else with my particular constellation of experiences having a similar experience. This time, at least, I have plenty of people to call and chat with when I have questions about the intersection of Vodou and the potato.

I expect some of it will make it here and some won't. My rule about writing about people that are close to me is that they get to consent about what details I share. When I write about my (human) husband, I share it with him before it posts. As the potato has not yet developed the capacity for consent, what is presented about them will be limited. Their face won't make it onto Tumblr or any other platform or social media I write on, and personal details will remain as neutral as I can make them. If you are one of the folks who knows me in an offline kind of way, I'd ask you to respect that as well.

Other things:

Tomorrow, I will have a post about an upcoming opportunity to celebrate Kouzen. I had hoped to have something put together for his actual fet day on the 1st, but like November is given over to Gede, all of May is Kouzen's month. Look for details tomorrow.

By next week, I will be live on Medium. This will allow folks to get my long-form posts directly in their email or via the feeds they use elsewhere. My long-form posts will continue to be posted here, and I will continue to answer questions and interact with posts here.

Website is coming!

I am toying with launching some online educational opportunities and have some specific plans, but would also like to hear what folks are interested in having live educational opportunities on. I'll post separately about that as well.

My husband is launching his atelier, expect posts about what he has available as well!

So...how are you?

[randomfoggytiger]

Dreams, Alternate Realities, and Agency

In Mulder's dreams or nightmares-come-to-life, he is stripped of his agency: "I had one chance," he grieves in Herrenvolk, "and I let it slip away." His obsessive pursuit for answers is directly correlated to his helplessness during his sister's abduction; and continues to haunt him as he battles against the Consortium.

"She's crying out for help-- but I can't help her. I can't move."

"I dreamt I was swimming this pool, and I could see my father underwater. But when I dove down, the water stung my eyes.... And I had to leave. I couldn't find my father."

"I'm beginning to wonder if... if that ever even happened."

"Well, I've often felt that dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask."

"We do what we can to battle the evil that would otherwise destroy us. But if a man's character is his faith, this fight is not a choice, but a calling."

"At times, I almost dream."

"Fox, help me! Help me!"

"Mulder, make her stop. I can't help myself."

"You have to help me! You have to get me out of here! Please! You have to help me. Help me-- please help me."

"...the deja vu phenomenon could be repressed memories escaping the unconscious that represents the desire to, uh, have a second chance."

"Scully, I was like you once. I didn't know who to trust.... The end of my world was unrecognizable and upside down. There was one thing that remained the same: you were my friend, and you told me the truth."

"Stay where you are!"

"Did I say that? I didn't say that!"

His quest, his fight, is why he can't stop and live "a normal life"-- not until that part of himself is reclaimed.

It's why moments where Mulder actively chooses to "remain with you" (via The Blessing Way and Amor Fati) are so important to his character: he can choose, often aided by Scully's belief in him.

Scully is a pivotal piece to his life because Mulder depends on her capability and support-- to take care of herself and to trust in him-- in order to do his work; but more specifically, to soothe his own worries that he'll fail her, too (which is why he kept nearly falling apart whenever she was in danger.) And he continually rewards that faith by accomplishing Herculean tasks to get back to her side.

In Scully's dreams, she fails despite her agency. While Mulder is "called" to his mission, called to answer those questions that he can't escape even in his sleep, Scully is forced to confront them-- and herself-- when pulled in by prophecies, divinations, and cries for help.

It's why the events of Irresistible, Emily, and Orison hit her hard: they were, she considered, a self-fulfilling cycle of success and failure.

"I'll believe you... if you let me... let me talk to him."

"I'm fine, Mulder."

"There are hits and there are misses. And then there are misses."

"Well, see, it just makes me afraid.... Afraid that God is speaking... but that no one's listening."

"Facing a truth I can no longer deny. Alone, as ever."

"Mommy, let me go. Mommy, please, let me go."

"He cornered me today and told me my life's story. He was kind of frightening, actually."

"The only reason why you're alive is because I asked the judge for life!"

Mulder's quest makes her afraid: Scully is reminded of her human frailty, of the fallible nature of her beliefs, of the losses-- personally and professionally-- she takes because of the truth. Yet her partner's strength keeps her there: she leans on it when her father dies, when she is returned in a coma, when she battles cancer, and when she must confront any number of unexplainable realities on a daily basis.

Of course, dreams and nightmares and alternate realities are incapable of holding back Mulder or Scully for long; and the two find a way to keep fighting alongside each other, hoping to bring about a better, happier reality together.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[twdsfiction]

[ Daryl dixon x girl reader] Ms rulebreaker pt 2

Tw - fluff, mentions of childhood trauma, swearing, injury.

Daryl sat me down by the stool that was in the corner of the shed, he whispered, "be quiet. it's dark outside, the horde could be near still." I rolled my eyes with a playful grin, he states, "what? Why you staring at me with that goofy smile and wide eyes?" I replied, "I never hear your voice this much usually you're ignoring me, or just genuinely quiet. It's cute. It has this whole grungy thing in it" our eyes meet a little before he asserts, "this is why we don't" and i got off the stool on one leg hopping towards him, a inch away from his face as i said, "why intimidated by me dixie?" He rolls his eyes and backs away as he replied, "nah, you don't intimidate me, no one does, plus you barely can stand." then walks off sitting on the other side of the room. I saw him scavenge through his bag a bit And throws a blanket he had in his bag at me. I caught it. And I said as I sat back on the stool. "Why did you come after me" as he laid down on the floor and stared at the roof with his bag slightly under his head as he states, "I guess cause... you're only a rulebreaker because no one was there to make the rules, you and your brother lost both parents, from the beginning of this, you're a smart person, pain made you dumb." He turns over to sleep.

I smiled to myself before standing off the stool onto the floor, and gently laying on the floor, He was turned over but I could tell he was awake. And I wanted so badly to cuddle him, I mean... he was barely far away and basically just said he cares about me. But I got cold feet and turned the other way.

The next day..

I woke to the sound of munching, so I quickly got up hopping onto my sore foot, and turned to see Daryl chewing a squirrel. I sighed in relief but confusion, as I said, "why in the hell are you chewing so loudly?" He grunts and goes back to eating, i replied, "we have to head back to Alexandria... my brother needs his rhino?" As I picked up my bags and searched through it to see no rhino, and I started to panic and look for it, and then I yelled, "Daryl! where the hell is it!" He shrugs his shoulder. As he states, "hell if I know, I was saving and carrying you? Must've got lost in the horde. Just find him another animal or sum, one of the alexandria kids can donate a toy or something." I angrily grabbed my bag and asserted, "well thank you for saving me dixie, you did your job, now I'm going back to the horde." He stands up throwing the squirrel down as he shouts, ,"like hell you are? Hey y/n!" I grabbed the door and he grabbed my arm and pulled me from the door.

I turn to him, snatching away my arm and pushing him away as I said with so much anger and sadness. "I'm going! I don't care if I did he needs it!" And Daryl shouts, "which one he needs more huh? His sister or a fucking stuffed-animal? You gonna run back to that horde be my guess. I ain't gonna stop ya" my eyes teared up as I begin to cry, I replied, "our mom gave us that rhino before she died,, And when i was little girl it made me feel safe, when the world turned to shit, shit i gave it to my brother. Her death took away my childhood, imagine what these could do to him, he's just a little boy he's doesn't deserve this, and my uncle still out there what if he comes back.?"

Daryl eyes seemed to look at me different know, like he felt a slight guilty or something, but that turned into determination as he states, "you uncle that used to live in Alexandria with you guys at first, before you broke off in that horde back with glenn?" I nodded in slight embarrassment, he asserts, "what he do you" I looked away but he added, "y/n you can tell me, my father was a son of bitch too, he'd always hit me and ny brother. One time me and my brother merle went out hunting for our next meal, while that drunk son of a bastard was sipping on bourbon. I was around 6 so I go "daddy I got dinner" The bastard started beating me to a pulp. As he stated, "you worthless piece of shit, you don't deserve fish, where's my fish huh?" And merle mocks me the whole year." I ended up with a black eye and a few more injuries.." my eyes soften at Daryl's story, he really was just a man. With many mysteries, and inever knew he went through something so rough.

He sits on the stool and he add, "I get it, you know, push away everyone do it on your own, I'm a master. And you didn't deserve the abuse" my soft eyes staring at his in empathy turns to anger as I said, "I wasn't abuse and he was lonely! Okay, he was lonely and he was the only other family my mom had, so i had to keep him entertained, I should be grateful he wanted to keep us." I started to sob. "Please don't tell Rick or Glenn, or anyone." Daryl walks back and forward for a little swaying his arms like he always does. Before breaking a bottle of the beer or brought, such causes me to jump in fright. He shouts, "no! That son of a bitch! He told ya that didn't he, that you should be grateful he wanted to keep you guys! After he did tha" I looked away and nodded and Daryl yells, "He had no Business! Touching you! I tell you when I see that prick I'm gonna kill em!"

I was too scared to talk so I stayed to myself by the stool, when Daryl sits down and he states, "that asshole... he told me and Rick you guys were his world, he sounded so convincing. All suited up and I used to be a lawyer? Was that a lie too?" I yelled, ",Daryl just stop! Okay! I don't wanna talk about it anymore, forget I said it! My uncle is a saint. Okay just stop"

I stood up and grabs her bag walking out. And shortly after he came out and said, "where you going anyway? You don't even know where Alexandria is?" I shrugged my shoulders before replying, "I can wing it, take another way." He states, "how about the correct way? With or without you I'm going back." He turns the opposite way, and as I slowly heard as his footsteps get further away, I couldn't help it. So I yelled, "aye Dixie" he grunts while looking at me from afar, when I stated, "wait up, I just realize i don't have a clue how to make a fire" he asserts, "yeah, rubbing two sticks together won't work.. tried to tell you yesterday, but ms rulebreaker have a mind of her own huh?" I smiled as I playfully shoved him a little, causing his eyes to meet mine. "I think you like that about me, Daryl dixon." He his cheeks got so red. He was embarrassed it was pretty cute in my eyes. He broke eye contact, After that we begin walking back to Alexandria.

[sunghoonnsupremacy]

#LOVETALK! - warnings : cuss words, mentions of sexual activity

004. - 005.

"wake up, soomin-ah. " jungwon shakes me awake, sunlight peeking through the blinds. I stir in the bed covers, groaning at my high level of tiredness.

"come on. we have to go. " he sighs, caressing my cheek with his left palm. I sit up and look at him, noticing my dress is missing.

"what's the time? " "6am. we should get out before a sober beomgyu realises we're in his bed." he lets a hushed whisper and rubs his eyes exhausted.

I groan and throw myself back on the bed. "fuck him. I'm tired. " I close my eyes, ready to rest when jungwon abruptly pulls me up by my hands, and the covers off of my tired body. "you can sleep at mine, just hurry up. "

I sigh in exaggeration and nod defeatedly. I walk over to the other side of the room where my clothes lie on the wooden floor.

"why is my dress ripped jungwon? " I slowly turn at him, noticing a sheepish smile on his face. "well.. "

FOUR HOURS AGO. - 2am.

"mmm jungwon-" my moan gets cut off by a sound of my dress ripping in half. I widen my eyes and my jaw falls open.

"you dick! did you just rip my dress? that was EXPENSIVE!! " I slap his hand away and pout.

"oops? wanted an easy access to your tits, my bad. " he sarcastically pouts back and unclips my bra from the back surprisingly quickly.

I feel my nipples harden at the cold air blowing from the half opened window, arching my back slightly. "not my problem you're impatient. you could've asked me first. " I subtly roll my eyes at him, only to get harshly grabbed by the jaw.

"don't give me an attitude or this'll end in you crying, understood? " his eyes darken for a moment before diving back to sucking and peppering my boobs with kisses.

NOW. - 6am.

"oh my fucking god, what the hell? " I whine and throw the ripped dress at him. "Im sorry I thought you wouldn't remember it. " he walks over to me and pouts. "kisses? " he leans in to kiss me, my hand stopping him.

"no." I harshly glare at him and he rolls his eyes. "fine whatever i don't care bye" he falls facedown onto the bed like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

I grimace at him and put my bra on, finding a random shirt in the closet, presumably beomgyus.

I walk over to him and smack his ass so he gets up. "what the hell soomin?" he winces in pain and hurriedly stands up to glare at me. "you said we should hurry, so hurry up" I open the door quietly, hearing it creek loudly to my luck.

"fuck was this house built in 1900 or what? " I whisper-groan and walk out with a grumpy jungwon following me.

reaching the bottom of the stairs, jungwon spins me around. I yelp in suprise but he kisses me in time before I could make more noise. kissing him back, he pulls away and smirks. "that's for this morning. "

I playfully roll my eyes at him and slowly open the front door. "ill call us a uber. have my jacket, you look cold. " he offers with a sly smile and I take it but glare at him being the reasoning of me wearing nothing but beomgyus shirt and lacy panties.

anyway, as we arrive to his place, he unlocks the door leads me to his bedroom. its grey, led lights stuck around the corners and a gaming set up. my eyes run across the room when I suddenly see a photo.. of me? getting closer I see that it's a 100% picture from a couple months ago when I was out shopping.

what the hell? I hear jungwons footsteps and quickly jump into the bed, ignoring the picture even though im morally petrified.

"I see you're getting comfortable already. " jungwon smirks at me and takes off his shirt. my eyes widen as I take his defined abs in notice. he crawls in next to me and leans on his hand to make eye contact with me. "what? " he smiles and says, "have I told you how pretty you are? "

I furrow my eyebrows and think back to all the times he's beat me up or made me choke on his dick. I shake my head and say "no".

he frowns. "really? I should start saying it more then" not knowing how to reply, I smile at him and turn around. "goodnight." a confused sound leaves his mouth "huh? you're going to sleep? " I mutter a yes and groan. "you told me i could sleep at yours, jungwon. "

"well yeah but I didn't think you'd actually go to sleep. " he pouts and crawls closer to me so he can wrap his arms around my waist. "let me at least sleep with you. " jungwon mutters against my chest.

I nod and close my eyes.

TIMESKIP.

hearing him snore, I quickly shimmer out of his hold and leave the room. feeling more than uncomfortable by the idea of him stalking me, I leave through the back door and walk a few neighborhoods to call aeri to pick me up.

"god.. i knew he was an asshole but a creep? " i rub my eyes and thank the lord when i see aeris car pull up.

"hey, what's the rush? you okay? " she immediately pulls me into a hug. i hug her back and when she drives off i give her the whole explanation from last night till this morning. she notices my sullen expression and pouts.

"do you wanna go straight home or should we go to my place? " while driving, aeri smiles at me before looking back at the road. i sigh knowing that jungwon will look for me at my apartment. "your place, please. i don't think ill feel comfortable staying alone today"

she nods and the two of sit in silence for the rest of the ride. looking out of the cars passenger seat window, I think back to what I saw. im still somewhat shocked about the fact he has a picture of me, but not that weirded out. its better than other shit I could think of. I mean god knows what he does with that picture but as long as he leaves me alone I think I'll be okay.

he also still hasn't called me which means he's either still sleeping or looking for me. Id hope its the first option, hence me not wanting to see him for a while. but is that really even an option when it comes to jungwon? most likely not.

hes extremely clingy, he's always been clingy. even when he used to bully me. it's weird, but I've gotten used to it.

now is when I start to panic. what if he calls me? or texts me? or worse.. finds me? what do I even say? I have to make up a lie that will not make him suspicious but also sound believable enough as to why I left without saying anything or waking him up.

maybe if I just tell him its a family issue. or a friend issue? school issue. bullshit! why would he believe that? for the most part, let's hope he won't call.

all off a sudden, my phone starts ringing. fucking jinx. I do a quick prayer before checking who it is and to my suprise its the one and only yang jungwon. fuck.

"yes? " I pick it up hesitantly and take the phone to my ear so aeri won't hear. "where the fuck are you soomin? " I could hear his frantic voice from the other side, almost as if he was pacing around for no genuine reason.

i gulp and make up a lie, "sorry but my mom called me because she needed help with setting up new furniture in her house. I didn't want to wake you" I smile proudly at my great and improved lie until I hear him sigh. "okay. call me once your done, mkay? I wanna see you. " upon hearing this, I hum in agreement and end the call.

"was that him? " aeri asks, eventually pulling up in her driveway. I nod and get out of the car, excited to finally rest.

"what did he say? " she unlocks the wooden door to her apartment and smiles at me comfortingly. "just that he wants to see me later. I think im okay for now though. " I welcome myself into her cozy household by sitting on the couch into a manspread and closing my eyes.

"you can have some ramen I made earlier. I'll be in my bedroom okay? just knock if you need anything. " she kisses my forehead and hurries to her room. I sigh and decide it'd be best for me to sleep for now, hence the fact I got no sleep at two different houses in one night.

my phone pings. for fucks sake, what's up with my sleep schedule today? I groan and unlock it, only to see a chat from jungwon. gosh he's so extremely clingy it's annoying.

[indigomarina]

Hazbin OC x Canon Week Day 5 - Heartbreak (RadioStar)

For @hazbinocxcanon

Levity is taking a leisurely stroll through the streets of Pentagram City, a small smile playing on her lips as she thinks about her recent date with Alastor. The evening had been magical, filled with laughter, dancing, and a tentative new connection. She hums to herself, a spring in her step as she turns the corner towards the hotel. Suddenly, she hears Alastor's voice drifting from a nearby alleyway. Curiosity piqued, she moves closer, staying out of sight. He seems to be talking to someone, though she can't quite make out who. Alastor chuckled, "Yes, things are certainly getting interesting around here. That hotel is proving to be quite the entertaining venture." Levity smiles, heart warming at the fondness in his tone. But then… "Levity? Please, her affections are pitiful at best. As if I would ever lower myself to truly care for someone so beneath me." Alastor said. Levity's breath catches, tears springing to her eyes. She claps a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob, not wanting to alert Alastor to her presence. It worked as Alastor continued, unaware, "No, no, she's merely a diversion. A plaything to keep me amused while I watch this redemption farce play out. Nothing more." he said. Each word is like a knife to Levity's heart. She stumbles back, vision blurring with tears. How could she have been so stupid? To think that Alastor, the Radio Demon, could ever genuinely return her feelings. She was a fool, a pitiful, lovestruck fool. Choking back a cry, Levity turns and flees, running blindly through the streets. She finds herself outside a seedy club, the pulsing beat of the music and the promise of numbing alcohol drawing her in. She pushes through the crowds, making a beeline for the bar. Levity slammed down some cash, "Whiskey. Leave the bottle." she requested. The bartender raises a brow but does as asked. Levity grabs the bottle and finds a dark corner to curl up in, drinking deeply. The liquor burns going down, but it's nothing compared to the agony in her heart. She drinks and drinks, trying to drown out Alastor's cruel words. Hours later, Levity stumbles back into the hotel, eyes red-rimmed and expression blank. She nearly runs into Alastor in the lobby, the deer demon grinning at her arrival. "Ah, Levity! I was wondering where you'd gotten to, darling. I had a thought about our next outin-" Alastor started. Levity brushes past him without a word, not even sparing him a glance. Alastor blinks, smile faltering. "Levity? Is everything alright?" Alastor asked. Levity pauses, back to him. When she speaks, her voice is cold and lifeless. "I'm fine, Alastor. Just tired. I think I'm going to turn in early." she said. "Are you sure? I thought perhaps we could-" Alastor said but Levity cut him off. "I said I'm fine. Goodnight, Alastor." With that, she walks away, leaving a confused and unsettled Alastor in her wake. He stares after her, static crackling with unease. What had happened to make his vibrant songbird so cold and distant? Levity makes it to her room before the tears start again, bitter and burning. She collapses on her bed, hugging a pillow to her chest as she sobs. "Estúpida. Soy tan estúpida." Levity whispered to herself brokenly. She cries herself to sleep, dreams haunted by cruel laughter and mocking red eyes. In the ruins of her shattered heart, a seed of resentment begins to take root. If Alastor wants a plaything, then she'll give him one he'll never forget. Even if it destroys her in the process.

[monsterritory]

Technically the war in my country started many years ago but today is a 2 year anniversary of the day it Started Big for Ukraine and the world.

Long text about my experience under the cut. Selfpromo for people to check out my comics on Tapas and Webtoons because I lived to tell my stories.

2 years ago I was living on my own, overcoming grief, finding my footing. Hoping to learn to love myself and my life and find my place in the world.

2 years ago I started falling asleep and waking up to the air raid sirens, I've lost sleep and the ability to eat.

2 years ago I was crying alone in my room. I didn't know if I was going to wake up every time I went to bed.

2 years ago I made a hellish journey from Ukraine to Poland during which I spent 3 days awake, and 24 hours straight on foot, with no food and one bottle of water.

2 years ago I was saved by the kind volunteers who helped displaced Ukrainians in Europe, and learned just how kind the world can be.

2 years ago I got adopted by a new family that gave me a safe environment to live in. I went to therapy. I picked up the hopes to learn to love myself, love my life, and find where I'm going.

Today I'm still recovering from that past life. I feel like my life is a hurt/comfort fanfic sometimes. I am here now, and I live with uncertainty that my old home is still standing each day. I wish I could go back only for a day just to grab some stuff I had to leave behind, and the one stray cat who lived in our apartment complex. But I'm happy to be building my life here, away from the place where I can point at every corner of that flat and say "I got beaten up here once".

Today I am here to help those around me, and those who need help, to the best of my ability. Today I am healing.

Today I am writing and drawing again. Today I am safe to tell my stories to the world, and I never forget to be grateful because I know just how shitty it can be. But deep inside, I'm glad I was creative even when things were bad.

Just goes to show how strong I am after all.

Today I am no longer surviving. Today I am living.