#i'm just glad this is DONE i spent longer on it than i anticipated

[lunaryhues]

I sang another song cover: "TOO EASY" by electrovoid. Here's some of the artwork for it!

Here's the video itself, if you want to give it a watch.

[luvangelbreak]

Deprived | Twenty

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smoking, suggestive? word count: 3.3k a/n: this series has been longer than I anticipated but I'm living for the slow burn so it's gonna be a while till we're done folks.

pov: layla

I spent the next week couped in my room, refusing to leave as I quickly smoked the bag of weed Wes had given me. Allie had messaged me in concern multiple times and I finally built up the courage to reply to her a day after her last message.

Allie <3 Monday hey girl are you okay? matt has been off all day 1:30pm Tuesday if u wanna talk im here <3 5:37pm Wednesday im getting concerned pls message me if u need anything 3:47pm

You sorry just havent been feeling good im okay just need time alone 10:21pm

Allie <3 im sorry :(10:23pm

You its okay i'll be at school tmrw 10:27pm

Allie <3 okay! see ya then <3 10:28pm

I locked my phone and threw it lazily on the bed beside me, rolling over to face the wall where my window was cracked open. I was glad my dad was out tonight, having to deal with him for over a week straight was draining and I felt like it didn't benefit my self-loathing in any way. I sighed as my mind always travelled back to the look on Matt's face, the pure hurt in his eyes that I knew I caused.

Part of me was glad he hadn't messaged or tried to talk to me. It meant that I could push him away if I wanted to. I did just that without even consciously meaning to. I got scared and made it his fault in my brain but as I continued rotting in my bed, I realised I hurt him more than I ever meant to. It wasn't his fault that I was afraid of someone being close, it wasn't his fault that I let something so small set me off. I needed to make him realise it wasn't his fault and I was just not used to the affection and accommodation he offered me daily.

I barely slept over the past week and this night was no different. My alarm went off in the early hours of the morning and I knew I had slept a total of 4 hours from the way my brain had constantly been reeling. I dragged myself out of bed and trudged into the bathroom. I took an extra long shower to attempt to rid the disgust I felt towards myself.

After scrubbing my entire body head to toe, I jumped out of the shower and walked to my room. My entire body felt heavy and I felt tears prick my eyes when I looked over to the pink sweater that was still laying over my bag. I picked it up, realising it was the only clean sweater I had since I hadn't been bothered with laundry. I quickly slid it over my head before sliding on my black sweatpants and combat boots. I slid my leather jacket over the top, not bothering with any makeup as I lazily tied my now damp hair into a low ponytail. I grabbed my bag, quickly sprayed on some perfume and grabbed my phone off of my bedside table.

I quickly exited my house without food or water in my stomach and as I began walking down the road, I decided to light one of the last few cigarettes I had pre-rolled. I grabbed my headphones from my bag, slid one into my ear and plugged them into my phone. I clicked shuffle on one of my playlists and I let my feet drag on the asphalt as I slowly made my way down the streets of Massachusetts.

After an hour, I finally arrived in the parking lot of the school and I scanned the cars, my eyes landing where I saw the familiar silver minivan. I paused, letting out a heavy breath as I collected myself and began walking to the group of people in front of the car.

Nate was the first to notice me and he just looked at me with no expression before he turned back to the group. As I got closer I noticed the fact that Mia was standing beside Matt with her head leaned on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her back lazily and I felt a pang of pure jealousy run through me. I tried to shake it off as I got closer, knowing I had no right to be mad about it right now since I was the one who caused the riff between the brown-haired boy and myself.

"Speak of the devil," I heard Nick say when his eyes caught mine and I was a few feet away, standing uncomfortably as I looked between all of them. All of their heads turned to look at me, Allie being the only one who didn't seem like they were looking right through me.

"Matt, can I talk to you?" I asked quietly as I didn't dare to meet his eyes yet and there was an uncomfortable silence that fell over us, "Please."

"About what?" he asked, his tone short and I looked up to see his face completely expressionless but his eyes held such hurt and aggravation that it felt like it cut right through me.

"Last week," I mumbled, ignoring the pain in my chest of seeing Mia looking at me with a slight smirk. I focused in on the boy I had hurt, his blue eyes piercing in the sunlight.

"Now?" he questioned, not taking his eyes off of me and I just looked at him, the judgement of his friends radiating off of them. He sighed heavily before swinging his arm out from around Mia and I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders but there was still a pressure on my chest, "I'll be back."

I looked at the ground as he pushed away from the hood of the minivan and he walked past me. I followed behind him, not daring to look back at his friends as we walked to the back of the parking lot before he stopped to face me.

He didn't say anything for a moment as I looked up at him and he scanned me head to toe before murmuring, "That's my sweater."

"Yeah. I left it on my bag all week but I didn't have any clean hoodies for today," I explained and he hummed as I picked at the skin around my fingers, my nails too short to bite now that I had been picking at them all week. I nervously chewed on my lip before I said, "I'm sorry."

"It took you a week to say that?" he asked, his voice quiet but his words laced with pain.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I reacted to what you said horribly but I just-" I cut myself off as I took a breath and looked down at the gravel below us, "I haven't had anyone take care of me the way you do. It scares me. I'm sorry."

I squeezed my eyes closed, chewing on my bottom lip far more aggressively than I intended but my heart raced as I waited for his response. I felt his hand fall under my chin and he lifted my face to look up at him, noticing now that he was slightly closer to me. He used his thumb to gently pull my lip away from my teeth as I fidgeted with the hem of the pink sweater.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" he asked, his tone softening as he looked down at me and I shrugged dumbly.

"I am bad at talking about that sorta stuff," I answered quietly, my throat closing from the sadness that invaded my body as I looked up at him. I had no right to be upset right now, I was the one who fucked up and made this so difficult, but I felt guilt invade my entire body when I realised I didn't want to push him away. It was habit and I was always bad at breaking them.

"Don't do that again," he demanded softly and I pursed my lips as I pushed my sadness down the best I could as tears sprung to my eyes, "Or I swear to god I won't talk to you again and I don't want to stop talking to you. Ever."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you away. I just don't know how to deal with everything I'm feeling and I know it's shitty but I promise I'm trying. I have no right to be sad right now because this is my fault but I feel so horrible for making you upset. You deserve so much more than that and if I can't give that to you I understand if you don't want me to be around anymore," I rambled out all of my feelings and conflicting voices in my head but I was cut off by his lips on mine.

I paused for a moment to register what was happening before my body melted into his, his arms wrapping around my lower back as I snaked my arms around his neck. I pulled him into me, missing the way his body felt against my own more than I anticipated. It felt like a breath of fresh air after being stuck in my room for the past week with smoke-filled lungs. He gripped my hips, pulling me impossibly closer to him as I tangled my hands in his hair before he pulled away to breathe for a moment.

"You're an idiot," he mumbled before he leaned back in to kiss me gently again.

"I know," I mumbled against his lips and he ran his tongue against my rough lips, the sting of his saliva hitting the open splits on my lips from chewing them. I hissed and pulled away as he looked down at me.

"You need to stop biting your lip," he muttered as his eyes travelled all around my face, "And stop picking your nails. You're not gonna have any left soon."

"I've been stressed the past week. I can't help it," I whispered as I looked up at him in awe. I had forgotten the pure oxytocin that ran through my system when I was with him and I refused to let it go again.

"Pretty girl," he gave me a sympathetic look and I shook my head as I pulled away from his face slightly, my arms still slung over his shoulders.

"Don't feel bad. This was my doing and I will make it up to you," I answered sternly and his face broke into a small smile. I sighed, the weight being lifted off of my chest now and my body tingled with joy.

"All I'm asking is that you talk to me next time," he whispered, leaning down to place a peck on my lips and I let it linger before I pulled back and nodded.

"I will try," I scratched the nape of his neck lightly and he bit his bottom lip as my face dropped, "Don't look at me like that before we have to go inside. I'll drive us back to your house right now."

"I don't see you for a week and you're ready to jump my bones already," he chuckled and I raised my eyebrows.

"How else can I make it up to you, ya know?" I joked as let my mouth form into a smirk and he shook his head as he pursed his lips, "Does this mean I can come to your game this week?"

"Of course baby," he smiled down at me and I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach again, promising not only him but myself to never let myself ruin this again.

"By the way," I let my right hand trail from his neck to his chest, playing with the necklace that sat comfortably on his collarbones, "Allie's brother was just dropping me home. He tried to flirt with me but I shut it down. I wasn't lying about that."

"I know. I overreacted. I'm sorry about that," he said softly and I shook my head, twiddling the pendant between my fingers as I looked up at him.

"I know how it looked. I would've been just as upset. You don't need to apologise for it," I mumbled, trying hard to convey my feelings as best I could to which he didn't respond verbally. He instead placed another kiss against my lips and smiled against me as he squeezed my hips.

"Matt!" I heard Chris's voice call from only a few feet away and we both broke apart to look over at him, "You guys done? We gotta go to class."

"I forgot about that," I joked and Chris just gave me a deadpanned look as Matt chuckled.

"We'll be there in a sec," he called to his brother who just rolled his eyes and spun around to walk back to his friends, "They're more pissed at you than I was."

"I can tell," I mumbled as I watched their eyes pour directly into me, "Allie messaged me though."

"She was the only one defending you," he told me honestly and I hummed as I looked back up to him, "I'll talk to them."

"Don't sugarcoat it. You can tell them I'm a dumbass who doesn't know how to deal with her emotions," I stated and he shook his head with a smile, placing a kiss on the top of my head before swinging his arm over my shoulders.

"Come on," he said nodding towards the group and I hesitantly began walking with him by my side. Their eyes stayed glued to us as we approached and Mia gave me nothing but a scowl with her arms crossed, "Chill out. We talked about it."

"That didn't seem like talking," Mia spat and I remained silent, letting Matt handle the situation as I looked at Allie who gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Don't Mia," Matt deadpanned and she only scoffed with a roll of her eyes, "We talked about it and I don't wanna hear it."

"Only took you a week," Nate raised his eyebrows as he spoke and he looked at me. I pursed my lips while glancing between them.

"At least it happened," Matt retorted before the bell rang and he sighed, "We'll talk about it later. Let's go."

He began walking with his arm around my shoulder still and I followed suit, Chris moving to stand on the other side of Matt as everyone else followed behind. We made our way to our classes and once we sat down, a weight fell back on my chest.

Not only did I have to make it up to Matt, I had to win back his brothers and his friends.

+++

Pretty boy where did u go?? 12:23pm

You 🚬 be there in a minute 12:24pm

I locked my phone, sliding it into my pocket as I finished off my cigarette, throwing it onto the ground before I wedged it into the ground with my boot. I made my way back inside and straight to the cafeteria where I saw the group of friends sitting together.

"Hey," Allie beamed as she scooted closer to Mia to make space between her and Matt for me to sit. I smiled at her as I swung my legs over the bench and sat down. Matt placed his arm around my lower back as he continued his conversation with Nick.

"I don't want to wear a tie. That's why I got the red shirt," Matt groaned and Nick gave him a deadpanned look.

"It's prom. You're supposed to look fancy with a tie," Nick stated and Matt ran a hand across his face.

"We're all wearing a tie. Don't be a bitch," Nate pointed out and I tuned them out as Allie tapped my shoulder to gain my attention.

"You okay?" she asked quietly and I nodded with a hum.

"Yeah. Thank you for checking on me," I answered in a hushed tone and she shrugged with her sunshine smile that warmed my heart to know she wasn't annoyed with me.

"Of course. That's what friends are for," she said casually before she turned back to listen to the group conversation. I let her words hang over my head like a cloud.

That's what friends are for.

I don't remember the last time I had a genuine friend and her simple words struck me right in my heart. She had always been kind to me and from the moment we talked, she had been such a light in my life. I realised I not only wanted to share my emotions and feelings with Matt but also with Allie to show her that I appreciated her.

I wanted to be better for both of them.

"How long do we have to stay there?" Chris whined as he threw his head onto the table dramatically and Allie rolled her eyes.

"You're acting like you're being held hostage. If you don't wanna go it's fine," Allie responded, her tone quietening at the end and I could sense the slight sadness at Chris's distaste for prom.

"Al, I told you I'm going and I'll stick to that. I just don't wanna be there for five hours," he lifted his head up to look at her and she shrugged, eyes glancing at the table.

"We can leave early and go back to my house," she offered and Chris's mouth broke into a smile as he nodded.

"Works for me," he said triumphantly before sitting up again, resting his elbows on the table in front of him.

"How are we getting there?" Mia asked, looking around at the group and I just sat there in silence, deciding to go along with whatever plan I knew Allie had already set up.

"Meet up at my house at five thirty so we can take photos and make sure we have everything and then we will leave at like six-thirty to get to the hotel," Allie explained the plan and everyone seemed to hum along in agreement. I felt Matt's arm snake further around my back as he scooted closer to me.

"How are we getting there?" Nick asked and Allie smiled as she adjusted her ponytail.

"I got us a limo," she announced happily and Mia showed her first sign of happiness of the day as she squealed excitedly, "You guys won't drink right?"

Matt and his brothers shook their heads with a firm no and Allie turned to look at me and I shrugged, "Depends on what it is."

"Bottle of champagne in the limo?" Mia asked Allie and Allie nodded causing Mia's smile to widen.

"You're dad won't arrest us if we drink?" Nate asked, the half-hearted joke not landing well with Mia as she rolled her eyes.

"Not if he doesn't know," she pointed out with a slight smirk and Nate raised his eyebrows before nodding in agreement.

"Did you find a dress?" Nate asked, turning his attention to me as he attempted to make conversation. I assumed that in the time I'd been in my other classes and was outside Matt had talked to Nate, Chris and Nick since they weren't glaring at me anymore but they still felt slightly standoffish.

"No. I'm just gonna make my own," I explained and he nodded, his smile in a downturned smile.

"Mad impressive that you can do that," he complimented me and I gave him a half-hearted smile as Matt traced circles on my hip with his thumb.

"Thanks. I just hope I can finish it in time," I explained and I could sense Mia's disgust towards me radiating off of her but I was learning to tune her out like I had always done before Matt came into my life.

Suddenly the bell rang for our next classes and everyone began getting up. I stood up from the table before Matt spun me around and kissed my lips gently. I froze for a moment, shocked at the fact he did that in the middle of the cafeteria but I quickly reciprocated the action before he pulled away.

"See you after school pretty girl," he smirked at me before he walked away and I stood still for a moment as I watched him walk away with Nick, Chris, Nate and Mia.

"You guys are so fucking cute it makes me want to throw up," Allie rolled her eyes playfully beside me and I looked around to see people staring at me once again. I pursed my lips, my cheeks tinging red as I hid a smile and shook my head before I began walking out of the cafeteria.

tags:

@dsturniolo @chrisstankyleg @lov3bug @pinklittleflower @thatcrazybitch-69 @trinity2058 @alorsxsturn @chrizznmetswife @ilovechrissturniolo1 @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @sturnfix @lilsstvrn @sturniololol @sturniolowhore @jebbie-project-blog @jaxyy219

[incesthemes]

final thoughts: supernatural season 4

well, i finished season 4. i did NOT finish the word search i was working on as i watched the last 3 episodes lol

i think what i'm most surprised about is how little i remember season 4 from my first watch a decade ago. i remembered nearly every episode of season 1, then a good majority of seasons 2 and 3. but somehow, nearly everything in season 4 blindsided me, to the point where i was considering the things i read on the wiki "spoilers" (lmao??)

i like what s4 had to offer, though i'm a little disappointed in the slight lack of tension. it felt like there were more "filler" episodes this season—not because there were, not really, since the plots always managed to circle back and relate to the overarching plot, and i don't think there were particularly more filler-ish episodes this season compared to the first three. i think it's because the stakes were so much higher as we approach the apocalypse, and the brothers do often voice my own thoughts in some of these episodes: why are they taking a detour now when they should be averting the apocalypse?

i don't necessarily think this was a mad thing, though. it seems very intentional, both from a writing standpoint and of course in-universe, since the angels were orchestrating the rise of lucifer. it all came together in the end, even if it felt somewhat meandering. perhaps what might have resolved this dissonance may have been a little more foreshadowing: introducing zachariah earlier, maybe, or giving the audience more of a reason not to trust ruby outside of dean's prejudices.

i think the ruby thing is very important, actually. because season 3 spent a lot of time painting demons in a variety of colors and shades, so the audience becomes inclined to believe that demons can be "good" and dean is, let's face it, kind of irrational when it comes to his us vs them mentality. thus we become distrustful of dean's judgment, even if he's right. him being right feels more coincidental than intuitive, and there isn't all that much to say otherwise. i think if season 4 had put in a little more work to break up that inherent distrust of dean's feelings, that could have really done a lot for the season as a whole.

i feel like this might not be a super common sentiment in the fandom, but i was actually surprised at how little shipbait there actually was in this season. which i suppose speaks volumes to how the first 3 seasons were more than anything—the wincest in s1-3 was absolutely unhinged. i guess i'd forgotten at how slow the destiel really started, and at the same time there was a wedge being driven between dean and sam. i remember how chummy dean and cas are in later seasons, so i was expecting them to jump right into it, and that did end up taking me by surprise. it's not as if this show is particularly subtle with its bait lol.

overall i think it was a pretty good season. i got sidetracked early on by a feverish need to read fanfiction(??? it happens from time to time) so it took me a bit longer than i was anticipating, but i liked what it was trying to do and i thought it was mostly successful at it. i think the big "OHHH" moment at the end which explained why dean and sam kept getting sent on wild goose chases, why uriel was helping alastair, why cas was so on the fence between helping and hindering—it really helped settle a lot of my reservations toward the season. zachariah was a good "invisible" antagonist. i still wish he'd been introduced earlier, not necessarily to the winchesters but to the audience at least. yknow, foreshadowing. give more pieces of hte puzzle to work with instead of dumping out the whole box at the last minute.

anyway, this just leaves one more season until i hit my goal. i'm pleasantly surprised that i'm still going strong, too! i had forgotten that i did genuinely enjoy the first 5 seasons of this show, and i'm glad i'm getting this refresher, especially now that i can appreciate better what it's doing since i'm 10 years older. still not sure what i'll do once i finish season 5—maybe i'll continue? i'm still thinking about it. but i'd like to sandwich another show in between before i make that jump at the very least (i'm currently debating between hannibal and the terror).

welp, onto season 5⸻!

[thcrealheroes]

" MHM, THAT'S THE BUTCHER I KNOW SO WELL. I NEVER SAID YOU WERE- BUT OKAY. " Annie's voice danced with a playful lightness as she conversed with him, her bright grin firmly etched across her face, radiating an air of unshakeable confidence. Her demeanor suggested that she was used to the barbs of criticism that the older man frequently wielded. She had once spent a good enough time in his presence to anticipate his customary remarks, recognizing the underlying themes in his words. After all, he had a reputation as a SUPE-HATER, so she wasn't naive nor unprepared for the sharp edges he would likely polish into conversation. Though as calm and collected as she attempts to keep herself, that step-mom comment caused Annie's nose to crinkle in distaste, not because of anything related to Ryan, but instead because it was undeniably tied to the looming shadow of Homelander.

The mere mention conjured a rush of emotions, memories of manipulation and power that made her stomach churn. She could turn it around and tell Butcher that if anyone was the step-parent, that it was him ! The thought DANCED in her mind, a tempting rebellion against his teasing. But her inner voice tells her to lock away the key, lock-away-the-key. Easier said than done, she thought, as she rolled her dark irises in exasperation. However, when he had turned to her with that familiar smirk of his, It held her attention a tad bit longer than she would have liked. With his GRUFF DEMEANOR and wit, Butcher tells her it's a joke- who knew he was practicing to be a comedian ? Annie mockingly thought in her head. The blonde continued to listen to Butcher as he admitted to her that Ryan had no inkling of her and Homelander. Or of anything going on out there... it's probably for the best.

" HA-HA-HA. FROM CAPTURING AND TAKING DOWN SUPES TO SMALL-TOWN COMEDIAN ! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ! " Annie teased while the two of them strolled along the path leading to the house. He opens the door for the two of them to step inside, but before they head on inside the house, Annie's fingers hastily extend towards the older man's shoulder, a fleeting gesture that lingered for quite some time. Yet, just as quickly, she pulled back, a subtle but sharp reminder echoing in her mind: this was Butcher. Not an old friend. He was a hardened figure known for his disdain for supes. " Sorry- I just- I'm happy you called me- I mean... I'm glad that you TRUSTED me to help Ryan with all of this... I know it might be difficult for you... but what you're doing is... well, " Finding the right words to express herself to someone like Butcher was somewhat complex. She wanted to STRIKE the perfect balance-- too warm, and she risked sounding overly friendly, like she was drenching him in syrupy ! As Annie wrestles with her thoughts, she wrung her hands nervously, a light shade of pink dusting over her cheeks. Clearing her throat, brushing blonde strands away from her face. " Just I'm sure you're doing great. Let's just- " She doesn't even wait to hear what he has to say, heading inside, flushed with embarrassment. Great, now you just look stupid.

Annie immediately felt her HEART SOFTEN at the sight of Ryan. He'd been through so much and had grown a bit since she last saw him. Annie offers him a friendly wave. Peeking from the corner of her eyes at Butcher for a split second when he calls her by her actual name- it sends a ripple of surprise through her. The sound was unusual at first, almost foreign, yet it wrapped around her like a soft blanket. She always preferred being called Annie over her hero name, Starlight. Her eyes darted back toward the young boy, SPARKLING WARMLY and KINDLY and offering him a friendly smile in his response. " And it's nice to meet you too, Ryan. " She extends a hand out to him; a simple handshake can take you a long way; she just wants him to know she's no harm and he's safe with her. " While I am here to help you," She continued, her eyes filled with sincerity. " I want you to feel safe around me." Pausing as she thought back to her own childhood. " I know it can sometimes be scary, especially OUR powers. But if I can do it, you can too ! But-- " She spoke, her excitement became palpable. " before we even start training, I have a little something for you. " The blonde super grins EXCITEDLY as she eagerly reaches inside her bag and brings out a perfectly wrapped-up present adorned with a shiny bow, a small token of encouragement and warmth just for him. " Now, if you don't like it, that's totally fine, and you don't have to pretend with me, okay ? I ll be honest, shopping for girls is more my thing, so I had my friend Hughie help me with this- so... if you don't like it, we can just blame him- Buuut if you do like it, I'll gladly take all the credit. " She jokes, though she really does hope he liked it. What does every kid like ? Legos to build. LEGOS- because it's the best escape when you want to get away from the real world.

     𝐡𝐞  𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬  𝐭𝐨  𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤  𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐚  𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞  𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝  𝐨𝐟  𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞  𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐫𝐲𝐚𝐧,     he  had  never  been  good  at  keeping  his  promises,  but  the  one  he  made  to  becca  as  she  was  dying,  he  fully  intended  to  keep  this  one.     he  was  going  to  do  right  by  her,  by  making  sure  he  could  right  by  ryan.     he  wasn't  exactly  ever  going  to  be  dad  of  the  year,  but  he  was  trying  and  he  hoped  that  he  could  make  becca  proud  of  what  he  was  doing.     nodding  his  head  as  she  talks  about  things  potentially  getting  easier  for  ryan  if  he  has  a  little     𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥,     looking  away  as  he  hoped  to  just  bring  the  kid  a  little  peace.     a  way  for  him  to  be  able  stand  up  for  himself  if  something  ever  happened  to  him.     he  smirked  at  her  comment  about  him  agreeing  that  she  was  nice,     "     don't  get  used  to  it,  sweetheart,  i  ain't  goin'  soft  on  you,     "     butcher  smirked,  following  her  gaze  to  look  back  at  the  house  where  ryan  was  inside  with  grace,  whose  help  he  was  grateful  for  because  she  was  helping  him  guide  him  in  ways  he  was  struggling.     he  had  told  her  that  he  had  reached  out  to  starlight  for  her  help,  they  had  gone  over  all  the     𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐤𝐬     and  figured  that  it  was  completely  worth  it  if  it  helped  ryan.

     𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤  𝐚𝐭  𝐡𝐞𝐫  𝐚𝐬  𝐬𝐡𝐞  𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐝  𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭  𝐡𝐨𝐰  𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭  𝐬𝐡𝐞  𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝  𝐛𝐞,     a  smirk  on  his  lips  because  he  knew  exactly  what  she  was  talking  about.     as  much  as  he  was  trying  to  keep  ryan  out  of  everything,  he  was  still  keeping  updated  and  the  news  broke  out  about  the  so  called  relationship  between  her  and  homelander.     he  could  only  imagine  what  sort  of  power  play  homelander  was  on  to  try  and  put  her  in  her  place  with  some  fake  relationship,     "     sure  thing,  ryan's  thrilled  to  meet  his  new  step  mum,     "     butcher  teased,  moving  towards  the  house  before  pausing  to  look  at  her  with  a  playful  smirk  on  his  face,     "     kidding.     ryan's  got  no  clue  about  any  of  that.     i'm  sure  he  forced  ya  into  this,  almost  feel  sorry  for  you,     "     motioning  for  her  to  follow  him  as  he  opened  up  the  door  to  the  house,  letting  in  and  closing  it  behind  him.     moving  into  the  room  where  ryan  and  grace  were,  he  smiled  at  ryan,     "     ryan,  this  is  starli-  annie.     annie  is  a  good  friend  of  hughie's,  she's  gonna  help  us,  alright?     "

     𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲  𝐡𝐚𝐝  𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝  𝐡𝐢𝐦  𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭  𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞  𝐰𝐚𝐬  ��𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐭𝐨  𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩,     someone  that  him  and  aunt  grace  trusted  to  help  him  with  his  powers,  which  he  had  been  trying  to  ignore  was  even  a  thing.     ryan  hated  his  powers,  especially  after  what  he  accidentally  had  done  to  his  mom.     but  he  couldn't  ignore  them,  he  couldn't  pretend  like  they  weren't  a  thing  and  if  he  wanted  to  make  sure  he     𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫     hurt  anyone  again,  he  had  to  learn  to  control  them.     which  he  knew  that  was  why  billy  had  invited  someone  to  help.     aunt  grace  had  told  him  about  starlight,  how  she  was  a  good  person  and  she  was  always  trying  to  do  the  right  thing.     he  remembers  her  from  that  day,  she  had  been  there  with  billy's  friends  trying  to  fight  stormfront.     she  was  a  real     𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨     and  ryan  really  did  hope  that  she  would  be  able  to  help  him.

     𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐮𝐩  𝐚𝐬  𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲  𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝  𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦,     despite  having  heard  them  approaching  the  house  and  trying  not  to  listen  in  on  their  conversation  because  he  knew  that  was  rude.     his  hearing  had  improved  in  a  way  that  was  sometimes  overwhelming,  he  was  trying  to  control  it  and  learn  when  to  focus  on  things.     that  he  could  handle.     it  was  everything  else.     nodding  his  head  as  billy  spoke,  giving  them  both  a  smile,     "     alright,     "     ryan  echoes,  moving  to  stand  up  and  feeling  aunt  grace's  hand  on  his  shoulder  helped  reassure  him  a  little.     he  knew  they  were  trying  to  help,  that  is  what  this  was  all  about,     "     nice  to  meet  you  properly,  annie,     "

[jamiewintons]

A Pleasant Surprise (Jamie Winton/F!Reader)

Summary: You decide to surprise Jamie when he gets home from work, by wearing his hoodie and not much else.

Tags/Warnings: Smut (18+ ONLY). Fingering. Kitchen Counter S*x.

A/N: This was prompted by an anonymous prompt sent to me a while ago which was: 'For the smut prompt "Are you trying to seduce me?" if you are comfortable with it. With Jamie?'. I'm sorry it took so long, anon, but it ended up much longer than intended so I hope that makes up for it!

Word Count: 1441

***

It was your day off today, and you were beginning to get bored. You'd done everything you'd planned on doing; you went out for coffee with some friends, you'd done a bit of shopping, and you'd caught up on some TV shows you hadn't had time to watch for a while. Hell, you even got so bored at one point that you decided to do laundry!

After the laundry was all washed and dried, you began neatly folding and hanging everything. One garment happened to catch your eye - Jamie's favourite red hoodie, which he pretty much always wore on days when he wasn't at work. No matter how many times it had been through the wash, it still somehow managed to smell like him.

At first, you'd just put the hoodie on innocently. You liked that it smelt like Jamie and that it was so nice and warm from being in the dryer. But that was the moment that an idea sparked in your mind. Your eyes went to the clock for a second - it was only about ten minutes until Jamie would be home, plenty of time to get ready - and immediately, you got to work. The rest of the folding could wait.

You raced to the bedroom, quickly undressing until you were down to your underwear. Then you put Jamie's hoodie back on, zipping it up just enough so that he would have a perfect view of your cleavage. You spent a few minutes fixing your hair, making sure it looked right, when you heard Jamie's car pull up in the driveway. A smile found its way onto your face, as excitement and anticipation filled you.

Casually, you walked out into the living room, waiting for the sound of the front door opening. When you heard it, you lay down on the sofa, smirking to yourself.

"Y/N, I'm home!" Jamie called out, carefully shutting the door behind him. You sat up, peeking over the back of the sofa to look at him, watching him take off his jacket and loosen his tie a little. God, he looked hot like that.

"Hey, babe! How was work?" you asked, trying your best to hide the excitement in your voice.

"Oh, same old. Nothing too interesting." Jamie had moved into the kitchen, and you took that moment to stand up from the sofa and make your way toward there as well. You didn't reveal yourself yet, instead standing just outside the room. "What about you? How was your day off?"

"It was very nice, actually. I had coffee with some friends, watched some TV, did some laundry..." You leaned against the wall, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. "But really, I'm just glad you're home."

You could hear the smile in Jamie's voice as he responded. "I'm glad to be home too." He moved over to the refrigerator, opening it up and inspecting its contents. "What would you like for dinner? Maybe I could do–"

Now, you stepped into the kitchen, a devilish smirk gracing your lips. Jamie was still completely clueless. "Actually, I think we should order in. I have a feeling that neither of us is going to feel up to cooking."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Jamie. Turn around."

Jamie did as he was told, and when he set his eyes on you, all thoughts seemed to leave his mind. He simply stared at you, his eyes wide and his cheeks going pink. He was so out of it, you even had to walk over and close the fridge door for him before he let all of the cold air out.

You couldn't help but giggle at his expression as you walked over towards him, placing a hand on his chest and looking up into his eyes. You could feel his heart racing beneath your palm.

After a few moments of mere staring and appreciation, Jamie finally broke the silence, his voice strained. "A-are you trying to seduce me?" he asked, unable to keep his eyes off you.

"What gave it away?" The fact that he had even needed to ask somehow – you thought you were making your intentions quite obvious – made you want him more, and you decided to not waste any more time. Your hand took hold of his tie, taking a moment and raising your eyebrows at him, before using it to gently pull him down into a kiss.

Jamie's hands immediately came to cup your face, deepening the kiss. You began to undo his tie but eventually gave up, it was too difficult to focus when one of Jamie's hands left your cheek and started to trail downwards, settling at your lower back to bring you even closer to him. Already, you were able to feel the evidence of how much you had affected him.

You were so caught up that you didn't notice Jamie moving you over to the kitchen counter, and you only realised what he was doing once you had been placed on top of it. His lips were on your neck now, and one hand was slowly trailing up your thigh.

Once Jamie reached your underwear, he stopped kissing you, pulling back slightly and looking into your eyes. His own pupils were blown out with desire and yours probably were the same. "Can I?" he asked, breathless, and you nodded, enthusiastic and impatient for him to continue.

He dipped his hand into your panties, making you gasp when you felt his fingers brush against your clit. For a moment he stayed right there, moving the digits in gentle circles before they travelled lower, teasing at your entrance.

Jamie didn't have the patience at the moment to tease for very long, and soon he had carefully slipped one finger inside of you, having to bite back a moan at how warm and wet you were. His mind couldn't help but wander to how much he'd like to be inside of you right now, but he wasn't the type to start a job he wasn't going to finish, and once you were ready, a second finger joined his first.

You gasped again as Jamie steadily began to move, crooking his fingers so they pressed against your sweet spot. You grabbed onto his shirt to urge him to go faster, and he did, the heel of his hand rubbing against your clit and increasing your pleasure tenfold.

Shutting your eyes tightly, you moaned Jamie's name out loud, your voice shuddering as you struggled to think clearly. He'd always been so good at this, and he had only improved with practice, so it didn't take you long to begin approaching your end. You whined in a particular way, a way that let Jamie know that you were close, and he sped up his movements again, and it only took a few more strokes before you were tumbling over the edge, nearly sobbing in pleasure.

As soon as he knew you were coming, Jamie's lips were on yours, swallowing your moans and keeping them from being heard by anyone who might have happened to walk past the house. Your hands grabbed at his back, your fingernails digging into him to the point that you were sure it would have to hurt, but he didn't seem to be bothered by it.

Jamie continued until you were completely spent, going limp and almost smacking your head against the wall behind you. Thankfully, he was quick enough to prevent that, using his free hand to steady you and keep you upright.

"Holy shit," you said, more to yourself than anything, tipping forward a little so you were leaning against Jamie, who was breathing just as heavily as you were.

"My hoodie, it... it really suits you," Jamie told you, once he'd caught his breath and withdrawn his fingers from you. You smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"I thought you might like it." Now at least somewhat recovered, you wrapped your legs around Jamie's waist, pulling him close. You could feel he was hard through his trousers, and you moved yourself against him, tearing a moan from him.

"I... I think we should probably move this to our room," Jamie suggested, struggling to get the words out. "Dave could be home any moment now, and I don't want him walking in on this."

You agreed, and the two of you rushed towards your bedroom, Jamie locking the door behind you as soon as you were both inside. He turned towards you, where you were now kneeling down on the bed, and you began to unzip the hoodie, slowly and deliberately.

"No," he said. "Keep it on."

Requests for fics/drabbles, headcanons, and character preferences are currently OPEN!

[btsrunmylife]

sweetest darling sam, hello ;u; ♡ i love your comfort drabble series idea so much, i feel like this was made for you - not just by you. i hope you have fun with these, even providing comfort for your own self too in the process~

ah, to think i have a request already maybe says a lot that i go through this so often ^^; i will indulge with a little daydream of a drabble: i'm someone that takes care of others most of the time - and i love doing it, always and without a doubt - but there does come a point where i think... i give way too much? that i grew up way too fast... and next thing i know, i'm beyond exhausted, feeling bleak about getting myself back up and running, etc. (i'm a huge crybaby in private too, if it adds to oc's character at all kjhsdkjfhg) + despite being the youngest most of his life, could i have comfort!jk take care of me in return? ;-; ♡

Hello sweet cee 🥺💜 I just have to say before I post the drabble that I can very much relate to everything you've said. Us givers tend to give a lot of ourselves and forget to take or give to ourselves too! It’s something I’m still trying to remind myself to do.

The fact you said this project was made for me instead of by me really resonated with me, by the way! I’ve felt sort of called to do this for a while now, so I’m glad I’m finally getting the chance to! Thank you for sending something in and sharing with me! I hope this provides you the comfort you deserve, lovely! Wishing you the best with lots of love and support! 💜

The Comfort Drabbles -- About | Masterlist

One of the things about caring for other people is how draining it can be.

You became so good at caring for others that you no longer know how to take care of yourself. You don’t know how to slow down and ask yourself what you need. You’re too busy bouncing from one task to the next, ping-ponging between people who need you or want your help. “Because no one does it as well as you do,” they’ll say. “No one else gets things done as quickly. You just get it.”

Truthfully, you’ve spent most of your life anticipating the needs of other people – looking for physical and unspoken cues to tell you the right thing to make them feel (or to make the situation) better. You’ve also spent ridiculous amounts of your mental energy looking for the easiest, most time-efficient ways of getting things done. Because you know that before you’re even finished with one task or problem, someone else will be asking for your help with another.

Your to-do list is never ending. Not at work, not at home, and not amongst family and friends.

You actually think you’ve been on the go for so long, you’ve lost track of the off switch.

If there ever was one.

Logically, you know it’s in your best interest to slow down. It’s in your best interest to say “no” and take more time for yourself. To actually relax for once.

But you never do.

You just keep going until you hit a wall and there’s nothing left to give, not even to yourself.

This is one of those times.

You’re just getting home from a visit with your family. You love your family, you do, but you always feel drained afterwards. Between the dance of keeping up with conversation and trying to be an emotional  and physical support for them, you feel exhausted.

So, yes, you love your family, but sometimes it feels like you give more than you have to give and rarely get the same type of support in return.

You push through your apartment door with a sigh, feet all but dragging across the floor.

“Babe?” you hear from the other room.

“Jungkook?” you call with a panicked pause. You hadn’t been expecting him. You feel a small part of you die a little inside at the thought of entertaining another human being. Even if it is your delightful, thoughtful boyfriend.

“Hey,” he greets with a smile, helping you out of your jacket and nudging your slippers toward you. He squeezes your hand and places a quick kiss to your cheek.

“What are you doing here?” You hope you don’t sound disappointed. You’re not disappointed to see him, you just wish you had some time to recuperate first.

He doesn’t seem to take it personally, merely links your fingers together and pulls you further into the apartment. “I’m cooking you dinner.”

“Why?” you can’t help but ask. With his crazy schedule, you’re usually the one to cook for him.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat, like he’s somewhat offended. “Do I need a reason to cook for you?” He ushers you toward your bedroom. “Go wash up. It should be ready by the time you’re done.”

You narrow your eyes at him suspiciously, wondering what the special occasion could be, but you’re too tired to think about it for long. Instead, you do as you’re told, grab some comfier clothes, and head for the shower.

Washing up helps to ease some of the tension in your body, helps you release the emotions that you carry – some of them not even yours. You watch them evaporate in the steam that billows around you, your body feeling lighter and mind a little less cluttered.

It’s a relief, you think, to dry off and see the pile of skin care items lining your bathroom sink. You smile at Jungkook’s thoughtfulness, eyes immediately drawn to the face masks and body lotions he’s set out for you. It feels a little indulgent to apply them, but it also feels good to take the time for yourself. To focus more singularly on what your body needs in that moment.

Your stomach rumbles as soon as you step out of the bathroom to the smell of your favorite food.

Jungkook smiles when he sees you, nose wrinkling happily at the sight of you in your face mask. “Ah, you found them!”

You hum. “Laid out right where I could find them.”

You’re moving toward the small table in the corner of your kitchen when Jungkook shakes his head. “No, no, we’re eating on the couch tonight.”

You blink. “You hate it when we eat in the living room.”

He shrugs. “But you like to…and I have a movie picked out to watch while we eat.”

Once again, suspicion tickles your chest. “Why are you doing all this?”

“Doing what?” he asks innocently, blinking at you with his wide, bambi eyes that have admittedly gotten him off the hook many times before.

You motion to the food, the mask on your face, and the living room behind you. “All of this.”

“Ah,” he nods, brow furrowing like he’s thinking it through. “You were with your family today, right?”

You nod slowly, not sure where he’s going with this.

“And you’re tired now, right?” he continues, eyes flittering across your face.

“I’m always tired after I visit with them.”

He smiles, reaching for your hand. “Yeah. So, relax and let me take care of you.”

You open your mouth, ready to protest. You really don’t need him to take care of you.

But he already knows what you’re going to say before you say it.

He gives a firm shake of his head and waves his hand in front of your face. “Ah ah ah, no. Go sit and let me feed you. We’ll cuddle and watch a movie. You don’t have to worry about anything tonight.”

The stubborn part of you that’s so used to taking care of everyone else wants to argue.

But the part of you that’s just too tired is beyond relieved to not have any responsibilities tonight.

“Are you sure?” you ask meekly.

“I see what you’re doing.” He sighs. “You don’t have to feel guilty for being taken care of.” His thumb skates across the back of your hand. “I like taking care of you. Will you let me?”

Your heart swells in your chest and you nod, unable to conjure the words to properly thank him.

He grins and leans in to kiss you, only to pull away with a wrinkled nose and a swipe of his hand across his lips. His tongue pokes out between his lips. “Face mask.”

You giggle and his grin widens.

“Go, go,” he laughs, ushering you toward the living room.

You go quickly and he follows closely behind, two plates of food carefully balanced in his hands. He sits next to you, the warmth of his body next to yours comforting. As the two of you shift and get comfortable on the couch together, with your favorite comfort movie queued on the TV, you can’t help but wonder how you’d gotten so lucky.

Because after spending so much of your time taking care of everyone else, it’s nice to be taken care of…and it’s nice to be reminded that it’s important to take care of yourself too.

“Hey Guk?” you mutter with a shy side-eye.

He glances at you after taking a rather large bite, food spilling from his lips as he hums in question. You can’t help but laugh at him, watching in amusement as he tries to shovel the rest of it into his mouth with his chopsticks.

“I love you,” you laugh, your tone full of fond amusement.

His eyes crinkle with laughter as he covers his mouth with his hand and mutters around his mouthful, “I love you too.”

And yeah, you really are lucky, you decide.

[generallybarzy]

under twinkling lights.

an: christmas in april? sorry this took so long.. but here’s a little bit of established relationship and soft cute Christmas smut! Its been too long since we had something so sweet and smutty about our fav cute ass couple. It’s all sweet and soft and cute and then it gets filthy... the perfect dynamic, i want what they have. i was only inspired to finish this because of barzys hatty tonight haha, he deserves everything. I didn’t really spell check this yet, just needed to post finally!! Personally, I think its the hottest thing I've ever wrote. Lemme know!!! 💕

tagging: @softboybarzal​ @fallinallincurls​ @matbaerzal​ @npatrickz​ @canadianheaters​ @selenophileangel​ @deleausvp​ @colecaufields​ @hockeyhughes11​ @nazdaddy​ @barzysreputation​ @comphybiscuit​ @aboveaveragehockeyboys​ @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself​ @petey-patty​ @starswin​ @heatherawoowoo​ ​

word count: 6.5k

You never believed you’d find someone to spend your life with. If anyone told you your holidays would one day be spent cuddling up with your boyfriend of almost two years in the apartment that you had just moved into together earlier that month, you would have told them they were wrong. Flat out wrong. Things as beautiful and destined as that only happened in movies, and you certainly weren’t lucky enough to get something like that. But, now, here you were.

And here was Mat.

Even after two years with Mat, there was still nothing better than spending the evening cuddled up with him on the couch. No matter how many fancy, expensive dinner dates he took you on at upscale restaurants in the city or how many helicopter rides you took together out in B.C. when he was showing you his home, or how much you loved hanging out with his friends and his family and his teammates, nothing was better than cuddles at home. As much time you spent together, you still felt as giddy and comfortable and safe and at-peace as that first time with him. Things didn't simmer down, that spark didn't fade away after a bit like you feared they would. But they became more subtle. You no longer had to ask him to come to the couch to cuddle, you no longer worried that maybe he wouldn't want to. It was a habit, at this point, to fall into his arms at the end of the day just the same as he did with you. You were each other’s safe havens, the place you laid your head to rest. You loved each other, and there was no place you’d rather be than together.

You’d spent the evening baking cookies, decorating the new tree, and wrapping his family member's Christmas gifts- a book his mom had been wanting, along with some of the cookies you'd made and various at-home spa items; hockey memorabilia and classic jerseys for his dad; and some new pieces of technology and the latest eye shadow palette that his sister had been wanting, along with some stupid jokes gifts that he wrapped in duct tape like the annoying older brother he was. Now, after the sunset bared its last light over the horizon and through your window, you lay together in bliss, with the tree twinkling its colorful lights across the room as you and Mat snuggled on the couch under a fluffy blanket, and everything felt right. 

"I don't know why we went through all that work to decorate the tree if we're not even spending Christmas here." Mat grumbled playfully, his head on your chest, partially hidden under the blanket. 

"Well," your face glowed in a smile as you remembered the flight out to Vancouver you had in a few days. Spending holidays with his family was always your favorite. Your family wasn’t the best, and it wasn’t too healthy to spend your holidays with them, but you always had Mat and his family. They were so welcoming, so kind, and for as many years now as you’d gone as Mat’s girlfriend, they had accepted you like family. "Because this is our home, Mat. It'd be wrong not to decorate it for the first time." 

"I don't need a tree for this to feel like home." 

“Aww, baby.”

“It’s true.” He pushed himself up onto his hands and knees above you on the couch, bringing his face level with yours. His warm breath hit your lips as he brushed his nose against yours, eyes slipping shut and grinning. “I love you. Always.”

“I love you always too.” 

"I'm so glad you're here. I'm so happy we live together, finally." 

"I'm glad we live together, too." 

Mat snuggled down into your neck, the locks of dark hair that had been growing out lately tickling your face. You reached up to brush them aside and curl your hand around the back of his head, cupping his head against you tenderly . His hair was getting so nice and long, and you knew he’d have to cut it soon, per the team's guidelines, but god, you were gonna cherish it now. 

"I actually have something for you, Maty."

"A Christmas present?" 

"Well, an early Christmas present." You smiled at the excited look on his boyish face as he leaned back, the lights from the tree highlighting the sparkle in his eye. "You can't open it at your parent's house, so we're gonna do it here instead."

"What is it?" 

"Try to figure it out." 

He sat up then, his eyes scanning the room for anything that might seem out of the ordinary, anything that might be hidden. He was looking for his present, and you had to hold back a laugh at the sight. 

"Maty…" 

"No, no, I'll find it."

"Babe…"

"I got this."

"Let me give you a hint, at least." You sat up with him and took his hand in yours and cupped it against your cheek, turning your head to the side to kiss his fingers. He smiled at the touch, melting back into you and tracing his thumb across your skin. 

"Alright, gimme the hint."

You pushed his hand down the smooth skin of your neck, the swell of your breasts, down the curve of your waist, and to the hem of his hoodie that swallowed you up. "It's right in front of you, baby." 

"For real?" The joy in his eyes was the same you saw the first time you told him you were ready to take that step, almost two years ago now. No matter how many times you were together, he was always just as excited.

“You say that as if we’ve never done this before.”

“It always feels like the first time.” 

You glowed and let go of his hand to reach up and cup his face between both of you. His words came so simply and without hesitation that you knew he was sincere. “Aw, Mat…”

“I’m serious.” 

“You’re so sweet tonight.”

“Maybe I just really want to lay some love on you.” He hitched his hands under your thighs and tugged you close, lying you back against the couch once again. His hands slid up the soft skin of your tummy and waist, dipping under your shirt momentarily, and causing your breath to hitch in your throat- his hands always managed to do that to you- as you breathed out the words against his lips. 

“Maybe I’m gonna let you.” 

With one last grin, his face dipped down to yours, locking your lips together in a familiar, electric dance. Soft, gentle lips moving against yours had never felt as good as with any other boyfriends as they do with Mat. His touch was intoxicating, made your mind wander and your heart race flushed your skin and shocked you to the core. Ever since the very first time his hand grazed against yours when he reached out to hold it for the first time, to the first time your bodies connected in passion under the covers, it felt the same. Like fire. Even two years later, he drove you insane, and all you wanted, and frequently achieved, was to drive him insane as well. In the best way possible. Mat broke apart from your lips momentarily to slip the hoodie over your head, revealing his gift. “Fuck…”

Right there, in front of his eyes, your breasts were covered only by a lacy crimson fabric, held together behind a pretty red bow. With each heavy breath of anticipation, your chest was heaving softly before his eyes, and he found himself hypnotized by the gentle rise and fall. 

“You like it?"

“Holy shit, you’re hot.” 

“So are you.” 

His eyes were wide, warm, and gentle, looking over you. He dragged his gaze away from your chest even though you could tell how hard it was, and shook his head. “Not as much as you.”

"Mmm", you took the liberty of taking his hands from where they had frozen beside you and placing them, big and warm, over your chest. "Go ahead, baby." 

"No, no, I wanna savor this first."

His mouth dipped down, soft hair tickling your neck as he nibbled at your chest, laying little love bites and kisses along the tender skin. He cupped your boobs and squeezed them around his face, humming in content. You couldn’t help but laugh as he buried his face against you, and you could feel his grin break out against your skin. “Having fun, baby?”

“Oh my god, yes. You’re gorgeous. So soft.” 

“Mmhm.” You sighed into his touch as he kissed his way back up your chest.

“Baby.” He spoke softly to get your attention, and your eyes opened lazily to see him, biting his lip and holding the delicate ribbon between two fingers. “Can I?”

“Please.” He gave a gentle tug, and with one last heave of your chest, the lacy bralette fell open, revealing one of Mat’s favorite parts of your body. 

“Fucking Christ.” 

“Bub, you can’t be swearing like that so close to Christmas.” 

“How do you expect me not to when you’re…. God, just so perfect…” You saw the way his eyes glazed over mid-sentence in the colorful lights of the tree, the way his jaw went slack as you arched your chest up towards him. He reached out, slowly, as if worried you were going to disappear if he moved too quickly, and when the large, rough hands curled around the side of your waist and slid up and down, you felt goosebumps pop up along your skin. 

“Your fingers are cold.”  

“But you love it.” He ran the pad of his thumb over your nipples, watching as they pebbled under his touch in the cold air. “So do I.” 

“Warm me up?”

“Always.”

He dipped his head down, his mouth hot and wet along the peaks and valleys of your chest, down your stomach.

His fingers traveled over the familiar layout of your body, colored in soft golden and red and green in the dancing Christmas lights, tracing each recognizable landmark with specific care- every memorized freckle and birthmark he had kissed since your first night together and every dimple in your skin that he cherished, every spot that had his fingerprints imprinted onto like memory foam after so many nights spent holding you tight with everything in him, as if you'd slip away. As if you'd want to. With each inch his hands followed, he found more, there was always more territory to be marked down, jotted down in his brain for future reference. He was always finding something new. Something more to use against you, to use against you in the best way possible, to push you further and further to that blissful end goal.

He made his way down, down, down, until his breath was hot over your lace-covered core, his hand gripping your hips tightly. Mat smiled as your hands found his hair, curling your fingers through a fistful of the dark locks before releasing and smoothing it back into place again. Mat's favorite thing about going down on you, besides the way it pleasured you, was the way your hands felt on his head, massaging and grabbing and twisting and pulling. It was heaven to him, letting you guide him around like that. 

“Can I take them off?” 

“Hmm.” As much as you wanted him to ravage you right there, with those soft, sultry eyes he was giving you, he was wearing far too many clothes. “You first.” 

Mat didn't say anything else before stripping out of his dark crew neck sweater and jumping up off the couch to kick his gray sweats down. His smile was contagious as your gaze dropped from his face, down his bare chest and the little chain you’d gotten him for your anniversary, down towards the tent in his boxers with a silly, excited grin. He laughed. "Not tired of seeing me yet?" 

"Never."

"You sure you’re not getting bored of my dick yet?"

"No, baby. Definitely not.” You grinned, the thought of spending the rest of your life with him bouncing around your mind. “Why? Are you getting bored of me?"

"No way." Mat leaned down to lace your fingers together and lock lips. "How could I?"

"How could I get tired of you, Maty?"

Mat hummed. He loved this little play, the little banter, the back and forth. He'd loved it since you first started dating, and he always would. He knew you loved him endlessly, but he played along. "I'm just a hockey player."

"No, you're my hockey player. My boyfriend. My pretty, pretty baby."

Mat settled back down between your legs with a warm smile. "Yeah, I am. So can I take these off now?" He hooked his fingers in the waistband of your panties. "C'mon, I know how much you love my tongue."

Your thighs squeezed around him at the words. “Fuck, please.”

“Anything for my baby.” 

You lifted your hips for him as he tugged the lacy fabric down your thighs with nimble fingers, stopping momentarily after they were off to just look at you. He let out a sigh, his eyes finding yours again with a soft look as you squirmed a bit beneath him- not because you were shy, no, you were long past that point in your relationship, but because you just needed him to do anything to you. Mat had spent the past two years helping you love and appreciate your body, and this, right here in this moment, was the perfect showcase of how much he helped- as he was gazing down at your naked body and the only thing you felt was just the absolute need and desire for his body to move against yours and his warmth to cover you up. No nerves. Only love, and need. 

“Shit, you’re gorgeous.” 

“I know.” 

The lack of hesitation in your reply had Mat bending over you and laughing. “That’s your response?”

“Yeah! I mean, you let me know. You make me feel so confident.”

“Mmhm, good, babygirl.” He scooted back down to lay his head against the soft, naked inside of your thigh gazing up at you through his eyelashes. “I always wanna make you feel good. Physically and mentally.” He turned to lay open-mouthed kisses against your thighs, and any thought of response you may have had dissolved completely as you leaned back and waited for him to do his magic. His hand reached up to cup your heat, just feeling you against his palm for a moment before swiping a long finger through your fold, smiling and raising his eyebrows at you. “Oh? Already so wet for me?” 

“Always, baby. You should know this by now.”

“Yeah?” He dipped his fingers at your opening teasingly and his head dipped down to connect his lips with your clit, kissing it gently and watching you squirm. “Ugh, I could fuck you right now if I was in a rush. But you know the foreplay is my favorite part.”

“I know. And you’re so good.” 

“Good.” 

He went silent then, his tongue wide and wet, licking a long stripe along your slick and gathering the wetness at your clit, giving it soft, kitten licks and wet kisses. He listened intently for every soft sigh that left your lips- music to his ears- and felt every tug on his hair when he flicked his tongue in small circles around that spot like he knew you loved. And the best part was that he knew. You didn’t understand how couples could get tired of each other after years. You didn’t understand how the excitement could flicker away or how they could get tired of each other’s bodies or minds. Never in your relationship with Mat have you felt as excited as now, two years in. The thought that he knew your body inside and out, maybe even better than you did, was just so overwhelming in the best possible way, and the longer you lay there, with Mat’s mouth on you, you couldn’t stop thinking that this is your man.   

Mat was lying flat against the long couch, his face between your thighs and his hands holding your legs open for him. His dark hair was a wild mess, and you could see the gentle movements of his lower back and ass and the back of his thighs illuminated golden in the lights, rolling lazily against the couch cushion- covered by a blanket, of course- to provide any friction for his sadly untouched cock. 

You hadn’t even noticed the noises dripping from your lips until Mat pulled back, and the lack of feeling his mouth against your core had you whining for him.

“Fuck, I’ll never get over you.” 

“Mmmmat.” You hummed his name, dragging out the “M” in the way you knew he loved.  

“Yeah, baby?” 

“Please keep touching me.” 

He sat up, between your thighs, knees digging into the couch, and his bare thighs and torso on display for you. You loved him, all of him, and all of his body. His legs, his abdomen, his chest, his arms… all of it was amazing. Perfect to look at and perfect to touch, to grab, to dig your nails into as he railed you. To ground yourself with. “Baby, you know I love eating you out. But I just gotta see you right now. And talk to you.” His big hand slid up the inside of your thigh, and your breath caught in your throat when he started rubbing soft, small circles against your clit. “So this position will have to do, okay? I promise I’ll spend all day before our flight eating your pussy.”

“I’ll remember that.” 

“I hope so. God, this fucking thing. Could eat it for days.” He pushed a single finger inside you, slow and steady, but enough to make you clench around him. His fingers were so much better than yours, just a little longer and a little thicker in a way that had you squirming for more. “So fucking tight and wet. So hot. I’m so lucky to have you.” His free hand left your hip, leaving nothing but cold, empty fingerprints on your skin, and rubbed against the bulge in his dark boxers. You could see how much he was aching, and you were determined to make it better. 

“Mat, c’mere.” 

“I’m knuckles deep in your pussy, babe, how much closer do you want me?” You laughed at him, rolling your hip down against said finger. How he could be so funny and sexy at the same time was beyond you.

“Lie down with me. I wanna touch you.” You held your arms out for him and scooted to the side, and he obliged quickly, lying on his side between you and the back of the couch and hooking your left leg over his right thigh. His hand dipped back down between your thighs, pressing into you before you could even catch your breath, feeling exhilarated at the much more intimate position. “Oh, fuck, Mat.” You reached out to him, willing and eager to reciprocate the feeling. He drew in a sharp breath at the way your hand rubbed over the thick bulge in his boxers, pulling the waistband down just enough to release him from his cotton prison.  

His cock jumped up against his lower belly, stiff and pink and needy for you and only you. Your hand, your mouth, and you could tell by the way Mat’s fingers paused inside you that he was anticipating the moment your fingers wrapped around his length. “Oh, that feels so good. Always does, baby.” And then, as you worked your hand against him, he pumped his long fingers inside you, bringing his other thumb to rub mercilessly at your clit. But still, even with the way he was fucking you on his hand, the most intense part of this moment was the way he held your gaze; the lust, the need, the twinkle of amusement in his hazel eyes at the sheer amazement that he got to do this with you; and the love- the pure, unadulterated love that soaked from his skin to yours, in every touch, in ever moment spent together, every kiss, and every time you laid together, bare and vulnerable, in the heat of passion, under the twinkling lights or in the dark, safe haven of your home to show each other how much you loved each other. His warm eyes glittered in the light, reflecting the gold and green and red lights from the Christmas tree that illuminated the room, and the city lights outside the window of your apartment lit up his body and highlighted every muscle. Your apartment, the one you own together, and the one you knew you were going to make countless memories in. His eyes glittered with love, with the question of “can you believe we still make each other feel so good?” and with the statement “I want to kiss you so bad right now”. Your hand pumped his length, pulling a soft moan from his lips, one that you had used to have to work so hard to hear. “I want to hear you, baby” You had used to say, practically begging him to let himself go as he bit his lip to hold back the moans. It had taken a bit of encouragement, but now he never held back with the sounds that left his pretty mouth. You lay there, vulnerable and exposed to each other, staring into each other’s eyes as with hands between each other's thighs, cheeks pink and hearts full of love as you helped each other climb to that climax. 

You broke eye contact first, laughing breathlessly and feeling your cheeks go hot under his gaze. Despite the lack of shame you felt in front of him, he could still get you so flustered and giggly. 

“What’s so funny, beautiful?” He asked between shaky breaths. 

“You’re so beautiful, Mat. Those moans are so pretty. I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah?” He smiled with another laugh. “I can feel how wet you are. It’s crazy.” He slipped the tip of a third finger into you, your hole aching and pulsing around them already. “Oh, fuck, I love your moans too.” And you could tell he did, as his hips jerked helplessly up into your hand. “Faster, baby.” 

“Only if you kiss me.” 

Without hesitation, he leaned over and his lips locked onto yours, needy and begging but oh, so willing to go slow and passionate. The hand that had been teasing your clit came up to grab at you face, squeezing a tit on the way up, and you reached a free hand out to tangle in his dark hair as you leaned in and continued to jerk him in your hand- up and down, and up and down, twisting around the head just like he liked. “I love you.” He whispered against your lips, breaking apart for only a moment to look down at you one more time in awe. “I love you so fucking much.” 

“I love you, Mat.” 

“Fuck, I love you.” His lips crashed back against yours again, his fingers plunging deeper inside you as he kissed his promise into your lips, the promise that he was there and he’d always be there. He was yours. And you were his. Simply that. The heel of his palm rubbed against your clit as he curled his fingers inside of you, hitting that wonderful spot and making fireworks twinkle behind your eyes. He groaned into your mouth as your hand curved over the head of his cock, palms getting slick with his pre-cum, and stroked back down to cup his balls gently. He let out a breathy laugh at the tender feeling. 

“Baby, look at me.” You cupped his cheeks between your hands and pulled him back when you began to feel your peak rising. He whined when your hand left his cock, aching and hard, and his fingers halted inside of you, cupping his palm against your heat.

“Oh, baby,” His eyes locked on you, making a show of how they were scanning up and down your body. “I’m looking.”

“I need you inside, right now.”

His bottom lip was sucked between his teeth and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head at the words. Even after so long, he still couldn’t handle hearing those words. His eyes fluttered shut. “Fuck, say less.” He rolled over you to sit upright on the couch, finally pushing his boxers all the way down his thighs and onto the floor. He gripped his cock in his hands and slid between your thighs, bending down over you to kiss your lips. “How do you want it?”

“Just like this.” Your hands fell to his hips and pulled him close. 

“Yeah?”

“Wanna see your face. Maybe it’s basic, but I love this position.”

“Yeah. It’s simple, but so intimate. I like it too.” He paused and leaned back for a moment, looking down at his sweatpants on the floor for something. “Shit, ugh, I don’t have a condom here, hold on-” 

“No, no, no.” Before Mat could run off to the bedside drawer, you grabbed his hands in yours, pulling him back to you. His eyes went soft and cautious for a few moments. 

“No? Babe, shouldn’t we…” 

“We’ve had conversations about this, right? About doing it without?” Mat nodded, a little smile beginning to pull on his lips. “I’m still on the pill, and I know I remembered to take all of them recently, so we’re still pretty safe, if you want.” 

“Fuck, I want.” He settled back down between your knees. “Are you sure?”

“A hundred percent.” 

“Alright.” Mat chuckled in boyish excitement. He reached a hand down between your bodies to adjust himself, nudging the blunt head of his cock against your clit and rubbing his pre-cum along your slit, lining up with your tight entrance and sending sparks through your body. “God, my God, I can’t wait to come inside you. Feel you around me completely. See my cum on you.” One last time, he bent his body down over yours, his weight warm and heavy, the metal of his chain cool between your chests, and pressed his mouth to yours, breathing in your warmth. One of your hands curled around his waist, slid to the small of his back, just like he always did to you, and the other cupped the back of his neck, fingers curling into the hairs and playing with the chain around his neck and pulling him in closer to your face. He broke away slightly with a sigh against your lips, his forehead bumping against yours and his nose nudging yours in a familiar gesture. He didn’t need to say the words anymore, because his quiet affections were ones that you’ve known for a long time. 

His question was loud and clear, and your answer was just as obvious. 

Mat brought a forearm down next to your head to steady himself, stroking the pad of his thumb against your warm cheek as his hips finally pushed against yours. Hands tightened their grips on each other’s bodies, sliding across hot skin slicked with sweat, and a euphony of moans mingled together in the air at the initial feeling of finally being connected in such a primal way again. His hips were flush against your own, and the weight of his thick cock inside of you was heavy and intoxicating; you could feel his tight abdomen expanding and contracting with every heavy breath and shudder through his body. He let out a long string of moans, his head dipping down to nibble at your throat, and fuck, did you know what he meant. You were connected, everywhere- heart, skin, and mind. “Fuck, oh my God, baby, hot as ever.” 

“Oh, Maty…” 

“I’m gonna give you so much love, beautiful.”

“Please.” 

The first withdrawal of his hips from yours was painstakingly slow, and all you wanted was for him to plunge back in again and again and again. And he intended to do that, in time. Mat loved to take his time, but it didn’t take him long to fulfill his promise, sliding back against you, his cock hard and aching inside your wet cunt. He found a steady, easy pace rolling his hips into yours, each stroke like electricity through your body, long and languid, taking his time to draw your pleasure out, taking the time to feel your body around him. His knee dug into the couch hard, steadying himself and getting more traction so he could pull closer to your body, snapping his hips against yours with slaps that had you both gasping for air. 

“Oh fuck…” 

“Feels so good, Mat.”

“You’re fucking amazing.” He let out another high-pitched whine and arched your leg over his hip. “More?”

“More, faster, please baby.” 

His hips slapped against yours with a groan, his big hands holding behind your knees and opening you wide for him. He leaned back to take a good look at you, at the scene in front of him, trying to take in every image he possibly could. Because these were the best moments. Not only the sex- god, but the sex was good- but just being together, being close, being intimate and so so close, yet only craving to become closer and closer. “God, you’re so hot, babe. So tight, so wet, all for me, right?” When you couldn’t answer, too overwhelmed with the way he was pounding against you, he took it as a sign to keep running his mouth. God, you loved to listen to him talk. “So wet, all for me. Getting all turned on over this big cock inside you, yeah?” You nodded your head enthusiastically, pulling his body closer to yours. He followed without hesitation, down and down until your bodies were glued together and he was just pushing against you, his hips driving yours into the couch cushions. “All fucked up for my cock, are you? Fucking beautiful.” 

“It’s so good, Maty, baby, so big, fills me up so good.”

“I love you. I love you, (Y/N).”

“Oh my God, Maty, I love you.” 

His mouth locked onto yours, sealing your lips together and swallowing your moans down. Dark locks of his hair shielded your face and tickled your cheeks, and as soon as he inched away to take a deep, shaky breath, your eyes opened up. He steadied himself on strong arms, framing your face, his veins prominent, and you curled a small hand as far around his thick bicep as you could, watching in awe as his head jerked back, throwing his long hair off his forehead and squeezing his eyes shut as he concentrated on pounding against your dripping cunt. 

Slowly, his body peeled back off of yours, away, away, and he brought himself up to his knees in front of you. You let your eyes roll slip the long length of his torso, decorated with glittering reflections of gold and red and green, shining off the sheen of his sweat, and you looked from his thick neck, covered in your love-bites, down his chest, down the hard muscles of his abdomen and tummy, and down the V of his hips to the small patch of prickles that rubbed against your clit with every thrust. His thighs were spread open with your legs wrapped ever so gently around his hips, and his cock was stilled, aching inside of you. He shifted around on the couch momentarily, readjusting his knees on the cushions. “Ya know, we’d be a lot more comfortable in our bed than out here.” 

“But it’s so pretty out here. All the pretty twinkly lights on you…” 

“On me?” He laughed, “Look at yourself, babe. I’m fucking lucky.” 

His big hands traced down your cheeks, squeezed down your chest, curled down the curve of your waist and hips, before finally wrapping around the backs of your thighs and pulling you closer, hoisting your legs up, up, and over his shoulders and spreading you wide open in front of him. 

“Ooh, Mat…” You giggled a bit as he easily positioned you in the way he wanted, smirking down at you wickedly and rubbing his thumbs up and down the wet slick of your pussy. 

“Gonna make you fuckin’ come, babe, my god… you want that?”

“Yeah, yeah, please, Maty.” 

“Just a little bit longer, ‘kay?” He rolled his hips against yours again, starting up that steady pace again. His hands held your thighs open, lifting your legs up the length of his torso and locking them over his shoulders, and he never failed to make you seem tiny compared to him. You watched, mesmerized, as his abdomen tensed and hardened and spasmed as he tried to keep himself under control. 

“Please.”

“Little… longer.” 

With one more low moan, your boyfriend bent closer to you, his chain dangling in your face tauntingly as he got back to pounding away at you, heavy balls slapping against your ass with every erratic movement, his thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier and his breaths getting deeper. He was so goddamn close to that edge. He could tell you were getting there, too. You’d been on the edge ever since he started pounding you, but now, you were only a few feather light touches away from falling over that edge. And Mat was ready for it, he could barely hold his own seems together, he could barely think about anything except how rock hard he was and how your tits were bouncing so perfectly in rhythm with his hips, the way your eyes were rolling back and the way his cock felt inside you, fully covered in your slick, both your lower halves sticky messes. He was ready to fall apart completely, and ready to help you reach your own. “You look so fucking good taking my dick like this, babygirl. It’s so big, isn’t it? But you just take it so good, yeah? My good, good girl with her perfect fucking pussy, taking that cock so well.” He reached his fingers down to roll his thumb lazily against your clit, ever so gently, but enough to make you fall apart. Your eyes rolled back as you gasped out for him. 

“Please, M- Maaaat…” 

“Oh, you- you want it, don’t you?” Mat’s words were getting shaky, his sentences choppy. He was so close, so close his mind couldn’t comprehend anything beyond just fucking letting go. “Want your boyfriend’s hot cum filling you up, just flooding that- ugh, that tight little cunt, yeah? My balls emptied inside you? You want that nut so bad, you’re so desperate for it, huh? Tell me, baby. Tell me how you want the love of your life to just… fucking f- flood your pussy.”

“I want it, Mat, I want you to cum, baby.” 

His thrusts became erratic, his hand leaving bruises on your thigh and his thumb absolutely torturing your swollen, sensitive clit. He was getting desperate, too. “Where? Where do you want my big fucking load?”

“Cum inside, fuck, fuck, please, Maty-”

“Ohh, gonna fucking nut inside you, babygirl-”  

“I’m gonna cuuuum, Mat…” 

“Ohhhh, fuuuuuck, oh, oh (Y/N)...!” Mat let out a long, strangled moan, his voice shaking and whiny and breathless in exasperation. His hips stuttered and his thighs trembled beneath him as he nearly collapsed onto you, absolutely flooding your aching, spasming hole with his cum. Your mind went fuzzy and white when you finally felt his stitches come loose, and he finally emptied all of himself- all his hot, gooey warmth- inside of your throbbing cunt. And flood, he did. It felt like the thick ropes of cum were never ending, filling you to the brim, until finally, he was done, his eyes squeezed shut and hair falling into his eyes above you.

Forming sentences would be a miracle at this point, but you reached up to curl a finger around Mat’s chain and yank him down to your face, ushering him to collapse against your body. And he did, eyes glancing open for a moment and lips locking with yours, always thankful to be able to fall onto you after a hard day, after absolutely spending himself. He groaned against your lips and buried his face against your neck, panting against your skin and kissing your neck and breathing in your scent as your hand found it’s rightful place at the back of his neck.  After a few moments of stillness, he reached down lazily and let his cock slip out of you, both of you whining and the loss of contact, and you felt a familiar wetness on your tummy as his cum dribbled down the head of his spent cock to fall on your warm skin. 

You were silent, panting for a few minutes, just letting your heartbeats steady back to normal and your heads to recover from the dizzying orgasms. Then, a breathless chuckle vibrated through Mat’s chest and into you. “Merry fucking Christmas to us, right?” 

“I think that was the hottest thing we’ve ever done, Mat.” Mat hummed in agreement, squeezing you between his arms. “Now you see why we couldn’t do this at your parent’s place?”

“I mean… what’s stopping us?” 

“Mat, I know for a fact you can’t keep quiet enough to fuck in your parent’s house.”

“Says the one who was just screaming my name.”

“As if you weren’t moaning mine just as loud.”

“Hmm.” Mat laughed again at the banter, the playful back and forth, and rolled to the side, his back to the back of the couch, and pulled you against his side. “How do you feel, anyway? About… me coming inside? Still feel good about it? Wasn’t too much?”

“No way. I really… really enjoyed that. Everything about that. A lot.” 

“Mm, that’s good. So did I.” 

“But… I kiiiiiinda feel like we should clean up. It’s starting to feel… sticky, like, everywhere. And not a good sticky.” 

“Yeah, how about we take a bath together? A nice warm bath in the lights of the pretty Christmas lights you love so much? How’s that sound?”

“Sounds like heaven, Mat.”

So Mat scooped you up in his arms, his own legs weak and shaky after an unbelievable orgasm, and he pressed kisses against your cheeks as he carried you through your brand new home, lit in the pretty pinks and gold of the Christmas lights, stopping before the bathroom door only momentarily to ponder on the beginning of the rest of his forever with you. This truly might be the beginning of the best years of his life. The beginning of an even more serious relationship with you. He felt your fingers playing with the chain that still hung around his neck, the one the guys teased him about the charm on the end, but the one he always wore for you, and he glanced down, his eyes warm and contemplative as he searched yours. This. This was eternal love.

“I love you, babe. Always.” His heart felt dipped in syrup when you smiled up at him with that soul melting look. Yep. You’re it for me.

“I love you, bubs. Always.”

[corysmiles]

IT'S HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRREEE!! The longest oneshot so far! XD Hope you like it

cw: general themes of hunger, blood, semi graphic description of violence. Be warned!

-----

Phil decided to visit early today, entering the cave and waving at Techno, who immediately recognized him. He moved closer and, while still hesitant, grabbed him and moved him at eye level. It was nice. A bit unnerving, but nice. Phil laughed and hugged two of techno’s fingers before he put him on the counter.

They spent most of the evening sharing stories and getting more comfortable with touch. They even made some progress, techno’s hand not shaking as much when he wrapped his fingers around Phil!

It would be an hour still before Wilbur and Tommy came. So Techno figured it was time to shrink to human size if he wanted to spend some time with them after dinner as a giant. He went and reached the shelf with the bottle. Phil simply whistled and looked around. He stopped and turned when he didn’t hear any drinking sound. Techno was frozen and he looked horrified.

“Are you alright, mate?”

“It’s empty.” Techno said.

“Oh. Well, looks like today is a stay-giant kind of day-”

“No.” Techno put the thing back. “How could I have missed it?? It’s not supposed to happen…” He swallowed and looked back at Phil, worry clear as day in his eyes.

They stared at each other, Phil trying to read the unspoken words of his friends, but nothing came. “What is it? You often stay at your real size during dinners, what’s up?”

“... I haven’t hunted in days.” He admitted after a couple more seconds of silence. “I don’t have any food for tonight.”

“Oh shoot.” Phil took a couple steps towards techno, reaching the end of the furniture. “That’s no good.”

“We’ll have to cancel the grouped dinner tonight.” The giant looked at his small friend. “I’m sorry, but I have to- I know we all usually look up to these gathering but I can’t- I”

“Hey, it’s okay, no need to panic, mate.” Phil tried to reassure. He only gained a loud whine from techno, that he could feel in his bones. (quite literally, the vibration almost made him shake.) “I’ll tell Wilbur and Tommy.”

Techno stared, unsure, before sighing and letting his arm fall. “Alright, go tell them.”

Phil pulled up his phone, sending a message to both his friends. As he pressed sent, he looked back at techno. He did say he used the potion for food, primarily, but surely he dealt with it before.

“Do you want to go now, or…?”

Techno shook his head. “No. Not right now. Plus you’re still here-”

“Oh that’s no problem” Phil waved off. “I can come hunt with you.”

At that, Techno made a…. cringed, sound? Embarrassed perhaps, Phil couldn’t quite name it, but he was definitely uncomfortable with the idea.

“I don’t… it’s quite… You don’t want to see it.” he put his hand on his face, covering his expression.

"It's alright, mate. You know I'm okay with you being a tall boy." He laughed

"No- I mean… I mean it, Phil. It's gross."

"Well then I'll stay here until you come back."

Techno lowered his hands to look at the human, almost annoyed. He groaned and hid his face once more before the sound became much louder, Phil stumbling a little. "There's no way you're giving up on this, is there?"

"Nope!" Phil said, jumping down and being caught by the giant in a panicked movement "Please learn to warn me when you do that, my heart can't take it" he laughed.

"Wilbur told me to do it like this. Says it's more fun."

"Of course he did."

They stayed in the abode a bit longer, watching the sun setting through the window. Techno at one point decided to try and play his violin again, trying to improve to play with Wilbur one day. And even though it was…. Improvable, to say the least, it wasn't terrible either.

Phil clapped at the end of each song, earning a small laugh from the giant every time. He even tried to dance to one. Fortunately, they were the only ones to witness the carnage that was Phil's stumbly move tied to Techno's cacophony. It ended in unstoppable laughter that shook Phil's entire body.

Phil paced around the table he was now on as the laughs died down. He toyed with what he assumed was a home-made pen, turning it around and moving it like it was a spear. He stopped dead in his tracks, shaken by a loud growl that resonated through the entire room.

He turned around and watched his friend put his hands on his stomach, face red, violin now on the floor.

Phil put on an amused smile. "I think now's a good time to go hunt."

"I-" Techno did not have time to object before another grumble was heard. He shut his eyes and opened them, surrender in his expression."Yeah. It- might be good."

He stood up and offered a hand to Phil. "The hunting area is quite far, though. You might wanna take the ride for this one."

The blond gladly hopped on the hand and Techno brought him next to his chest, fingers curling protectively around his friend who watched the road through the space between the fingers. And so he began to walk.

It was the first actual time he traveled with a giant like that. It was nice. And he was glad he took the offer when he realized how far from the abode it was.

The walk ended up being quite long, Techno's stomach growling a lot during it, seeming almost painful at times by the way his face twisted. And everytime, it felt like the giant wanted to just run away and hide from view.

"You don't have to be embarrassed because you're hungry, you know?"

"I- no, but it's- it's so loud and" another rumble cut him off "it's… a hungry giant is not a good sight. It's scary."

"I don't know about that." Phil replied "you're just Techno, who happens to need food. I don't see any problem with that." Techno snorted half in disbelief, at the naivety of his peer.

"You know my soft side too well. I should start to act scary around you more." Phil bursted out laughing at that.

"Yeah, I know you too well. You wouldn't hurt a fly even if you tried."

Techno hummed

"Except if one of us was in danger. I feel like that's the one scenario where you would go apeshit."

"Yeah. Yeah, probably."

The rest of the ride ended up in comfortable silence (apart from Techno's hunger manifesting in numerous loud gurgles). Techno took a breath of fresh air and looked at his friend. He finally lowered his hand and Phil hopped out, on the grass. He took the view around him. "So this is your hunting spot."

Techno nodded. "I'll need around 15-20 adult preys. Don't really care if it's a deer or a wolf or whatever. Once you're done, meet me here."

Phil nodded and took out his bow "alright. Be careful!" He waved goodbye and only heard his laugh as he dived deeper into the forest.

---

The hunt ended up being nearly two hours long. Phil was surprised by the amount of animals here. It made sense, though, since it was so far away from everything, and the only known hunter of the area only stepped by occasionally.

As he brought back the last body near the pile, he noted that it seemed quite little for his friend still. He frowned. Was his friend trying once again to limit himself, so that he doesn't scare Phil?

He visualised his friend, standing up, and then looked back at the pile.

Of course he was.

He groaned and pulled his hair "oh my god- I TOLD HIM IT WAS FINE- JESUS! What kind of tool do I need to use to hammer the idea down his head right?!?" He sighed. It's not like Techno had a small appetite. Everytime they gathered around, he was the one with the fullest plate. But he always was so much shiftier when at his real size. Even though Phil couldn't blame him, it pissed him off.

And so the hunt ended up being longer than anticipated. But he ended up gathering a pile he judged big enough for his friend. And so he headed back.

As he approached the meeting place, he called out "Techno? You ther-"

He stopped. Dead in his tracks. And watched his friend, sitting on the ground, rigid as a statue, hands placed on the ground, holding something he realized were different cows and sheeps and deer.

"What is he doing?" He murmured to himself, not taking a step closer. There was a few more minutes of silence, during which more creatures climbed on his hand, before the large body shifted.

Phil flinched at the sudden movement. The hand raised higher and higher, too quick to let the animals jump down before his mouth opened, jaw wide, and-

Crack.

In a single motion, all the bodies in his hands were chopped down, their other halves between the giant's teeth.

Phil's body was frozen, and he witnessed wide eyes, as Techno dived in and took the rest of his meal sitting in his hand. It was… animalistic, to say the least. After scratching for every little crumb, he lowered his hands, allowing his bloody jaw to be visible.

It was understandable he didn't want his friends to witness that, he realized.

But Phil blinked out of his trance and stepped in like nothing happened.

"Hey, mate." Techno flinched and snapped his head toward the human, who laughed. "Sorry, should've warned."

"It's... it's alright, Phil." Techno said, licking the blood off his face, trying to hide the previous instance. "Uhm, have you been here for a while?"

"Nah" Phil lied "I just came back."

"Good! Good." He stood up slowly "Can you bring me to the ones you hunted down?"

Phil nodded and turned back, getting to said spot. It was almost comical to see Techno taking a small step everytime Phil made ten long ones, but they arrived quickly.

Techno sat down and his eyes widened when he looked at the pile.

"... that's more than 20." He pointed out. The pile was 3 times Phil's size. There were at least double the amount.

“Yeah.” Phil admitted. “You seemed rather hungry so I thought you might have needed more.”

“I mean, you were not the only one hunting,” Techno laughed. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”

Phil smiled, but it died down a little when Techno shifted, apprehensive. He turned to the blond, a nervous look on his face.

“Mh… Can you- perhaps…. uh… Turn around, maybe?”

Phil gave him a sympathetic smile, before closing his eyes and turning around, sitting legs crossed.

He could only hear the giant, but by the sounds of it, the poor boy was actually famished. He stuffed as much food as he could and chewed fast, and the heavy swallowing sounds made him twitch. Bones were crushed and flesh was torn apart like his life depended on it. Maybe it was morbid curiosity. He did see what it was like earlier after all, but he couldn’t help the silent temptation to turn around and look at the giant in such an intricate, taboo moment.

But Techno trusted him to not do it. Trusted him in this vulnerable moment. One he felt shameful and embarrassed about, and only time could ease this silent pain inside the giant. So, with quite the self control, he kept his eyes shut.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when the frantic sounds came to a stop. He furrowed his brows. Still nothing.

Suddenly, he felt a pressure on his head, ruffling his hair. A surprised sound escaped his lips and he laughed as he tentatively opened an eye.

“You good, mate?”

“Yeah” Techno said. “It’s good now.”

Phil turned around and took a small step back when he realized the giant was closer than he thought, hands making a barrier around him, which would be cute if it wasn’t for the crimson red tainting them up until above his wrists. And his face was also covered with blood. He had an almost panicked look as he moved his hands closer. He was panting.

“Hey.” Techno said and gulped, his hands even shaking slightly. Phil could read his thoughts clear as day.

‘Is he scared?’ ‘My hands are so bloody’ ‘Is he gonna run away?’ ‘I probably look like a mess-’ ‘He asked for it, but is he still okay with it?’

‘Is he still okay with me acting like myself?’

Techno was scared. So scared that showing more of him would push him away… But Phil knew better.

And so, to this new side techno showed him, Phil said.

“Hello, mate.”

----

They ended up going back not too long after that, Phil sitting on Techno’s shoulder to avoid the disturbing smell his hands bore. On the way back, Techno let it slip that he hadn’t eaten at all the whole day, hence his need to hunt. Phil scolded him for a good part of the ride about that. But eventually, it ended with smiles and laughs (and a promise to be more careful about techno’s diet. “Well, it’s been in shambles for quite a while” “You are not helping your case here, mate.”)

They entered techno’s abode and next thing Phil knew, he was grabbed gently and placed on the counter. He blinked and saw his friend grabbing a towel and a water bucket.

He chuckled, watching his friends wash away the blood he almost forgot about.

Once clean, techno sighed and turned to Phil. “I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.”

He laughed. “I mean, it’s the middle of the night. Kind of late for me to go back. Mind if I sleep here for the night?”

They stared at each other for a while before techno hummed and opened his palm in front of Phil, who hopped into it easily.

He was grabbed and held onto a bit of a squeeze, not sure why until he felt techno falling straight on his bed, not controlling the arm holding phil that much. He screamed at the sudden sensation of falling, but noticed he was fine once the movement stopped. He sighed. “You could warn me about that next time.”

a rumbly “mmhhsorry” was the only answer he got. He laughed as he watched the exhaustion hit his friend. The grip lessened and, slowly, he allowed himself to relax, the heartbeat and deep breathing of the giant soothing him into a good night of sleep.

No, techno was not always soft. Technoblade was not a man of manners. Technoblade could be harsh. He could be intimidating, violent and raw…

Technoblade was kind as much as he could be cruel. Philza was aware of that reality more than anyone else.

And he would not have it any other way.

You’ve done it again, please send love to @melissa-s23 for this awesome fic 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Cant wait for more of the potion au :]

[killemwithkawaii]

Hi, Mitch!

Sorry I've been kinda AWOL lately. I got into a couple anime series, Demon Slayer and Gegege no Kitaro 2018, and I've been on a binge ever since.

Anyway, have you listened to "Nyan Trololo"?

Hi Meadow~ ^^ 💖

No worries dude, I've been pretty AWOL myself! I haven't gone out IRL and done so much stuff in such a short amount of time in… honestly I don't know how long. Ever?? I def didn't do things this often before lockdown, and frankly It's bizarre that this is how some people actually live. Working and also doing stuff? Multiple social things outside your home? Every week? All the time?? How tf do you have so many spoons (please share)???

Most of my free time in the last couple weeks has been spent recharging (i.e. staring into space/pacing around my apartment while chillin in immersive daydream land) in anticipation of the next days activity, which is why I haven't been on the blog very much. Ngl it's been kinda nice having a lot of strictly personal f/o time? But I've been missing talking about him/them and gushing with you guys more and more the longer I'm away- there's so much to discuss! So much to catch up on! So much to draw and write! I'm just itching to get back to it~ >:3c

I think when all these out-and-about events are over, I need to make a commitment to watch more (new) anime and cool it on the american reruns. I was so out of the loop at the con it was embarrassing lol (bright side: way less temptation in the dealers room) I watched the first ep of demon slayer before my trip and liked it, so I'll have to continue it to finally see what the fuss is about c:

Just listened to 'nyan trololo', glad nyan cat is still culturally relevant and more rainbow than ever UwU 🌈

[noahstayed]

Sorry if you've already answered these questions but I still want to ask them so...

1) Are you going to make another book after Earthshine?

(If the answer is yes; (and you don't have to answer this one,) Are you going to do a time skip or will you go the 'the condom broke'?)

2) Will Edward have a mate (If yes; will you create an OC or simply pluck a character from the twilight saga archives are revamp them?)

3) If you do make a version of Breaking Dawn, will it have the same premise (Ie. Wedding, Honeymoon, (I typed hUMANmoon and then corrected it, don't know why my fingers went there.) surprise pregnancy (or not? Because Carlisle is a DOCTOR) turning, then the Volturi going all "We must kill the child!"?)

4) With regards to question three, in the (honestly, and sadly, unlikely) ( completely forgot what word I was going to type, and It as too much trouble to type that so I'm just going to use another word that won't flow as well) situation (I'm so unhappy with this word, my stomach is turning something fierce, man.) that you DO go the standard "with the other book as a very, very, loose guideline) Would you go the route of OYH or would make an entirely new plot?

Also, if you do go with the same general outline, (which is unlikely since Irina isn't with Laurant in newmoon but with Charlie, so there's no bitter feelings and she won't immediately go to the kings before she's heard Carlisle's explanation.) How would you make that work?

5) I know you said that if you do make a fourth book you would just use the dhampire from OYH, Elisha, does that still reign true? Or are you planning to make a new character entirely?

6) If you do make a fourth, and go the OYH route, would you still make Elisha Emse's mate, like in OYH? Or will you go with Garette?

7) Also, since you have previously made an ff about Garette and Bella having a brother-sister type friendship would we see that and get to see Garette claim her as his sister and charlie as his father, and everyone goes along with it? (Honestly, I REALLY want this to happen, especially since I've spent the last hour scrolling through your tumbler and stumbled upon the 'I'm older than my father' post.)

8) Really, all these questions border on the main one of "is there going to be a breaking dawn/part 4-5 (depending) in your rewrite?" but if you do, would Carlisle buy Isle Bella as a honeymoon present of would that be in the oneshots book (that you'll hopefully be writing after this is over) as like a "Have fifteenth anniversary" thing?

9) Are you going to write a book full of random one-shots you couldn't fit into your story? I REALLY HOPE SO.

enthusiastically hope so. :) (that's really a tense smile with eyes SHINING with hope. Just informing you that you'll be crushing my heart. Brutally. With a stake. No pressure :) )

10) If you don't write the fourth book will we get an epilogue with the wedding five years later? Like, with Bella being SUPER nervous?

And finally, 11) (I really want a war to showcase Bella's awesome vampire powers (because you've stated (in a previous Tumblr post) that you'd give Bella her BAMF!Bella OYH powers)) So if there's a part four, even though the Volturi is "lawful" and like, has a brain, in your series, can they like have a brain fart where they go. "He's making an army," Or just straight up CANNON!Aro with his need for power be like "It's an immortal child, and it needs to be destroyed." But really be thinking, "They're growing too large, already their numbers rival our own, they must be put down! This is the perfect time!" Like the (cowardly) power-hungry and villainess we all know and love. Kinda.

I have other questions but those can really wait lol.

I basically want breaking dawn and the third (Do you count Charlie's book as part of Bella's story or as a stand-alone since you weren't really progressing the plot very much (also a very good way to have a time skip in your main)?) isn't even done yet.

I don't know if you can tell, but I've been reading this series for three days straight (new fan!) and just started your OYH series and I'm just filled with a desire right now. Like, I typically hate sex scenes in a twilight book (but that's because I was a child when these movies came out (saw them all in theatre!) and still was when I read the books, so Bella is SACRED lol, and It just makes me uncomfortable to imagine her in those positions (it's like a trauma okay?) but I really enjoyed your stories (even if I basically glossed over your sex scenes and read through them quickly) and could actually sit through your sex scenes (mostly, because it wasn't INTENSE! Like, a lot of rewrites turn breaking dawn into literal Porn and sully the books for me because they basically remove a lot of plot to make room for Bella's sudden appetite, and while, yes, you gave her an appetite and... I am just really enjoying your stories and how you write so Thank You.

Okay, I've let you know your appreciated and put out my question into the tumblr universe so now I just have to wait for you to see this and maybe respond.

I hate waiting.

I haven't gotten an ask in a while and AJKHFJKHD Listen!! THE FACE I MADE AT HOW LONG THIS IS??? Superb!! I'm honored you've taken the time to write this all out so I'm gonna try to answer you as best as I can!!

Right now I'm 100% sure that there will be a couple of Novellas/Novelettes directly after Earthshine. The Renee Story, the Charlie Story, and the Roommate Story which all will get maybe 40k and mini plots that are far more focused than Charlie's first story. Charlie's new story will be focused on his relationship with Carlisle too, so that should be fun!

Edward having a Mate is still up in the air at the moment. Since he is still very young, I don't see the need to really give him someone so quick when other characters have waited WAAAY longer. As for who it might be, that's also still up in the air in case I want to do a short story with him that's a part of a series of Novellas after the main books

If I do make a BD rewrite IT WILL have wedding/honeymoon/surprise pregnancy then it will PRETTY MUCH go off the rails from there because the Pregnancy will be VASTLY different. Carlisle is a Doctor and Bella isn't an idiot. They won't be in Washington either.

Again. The first half will be loosely based on the book and then just go completely off the rails because, Like you said, the Volturi have brains and I LOATHE an 'idiot' plot where people are required to suddenly become stupid for the story to work. As for the OYH route, I will be borrowing a couple elements from OYH but the conflict will be very different.

Elisha is baby and there's no way I could make another Dhampir at this point. Not with how much I love him.

The aging process will work differently in this fic for Dhampirs, so this question is irrelevant since Elisha will be a child for the entire fourth book. As for when he's older, Its still up in the air for this series. He deserves to be baby and I very much dislike the trope of age faster = mentally develop faster because that's BS.

We'll see, I love Bella and Garrett, but there's A LOT I'll have to cram into the last book so we'll just see.

As much as I'd love to answer this, I'm covering the honeymoon in the fourth book so you'll see what happens in there ; )

I HAVE PLANS for random one shots. I REALLY DO. I just has so little time to work on the main story so I might write some when Earthshine is done! I have a name for the one-shot collection already too and some Ideas!

I very much plan to write the fourth book you'll be fine. Bella will not be nervous, she'll be WAY more anxious about it going right. Mostly her nerves will be from anticipation and excitement because she'll be 23 and be very secure in her forever with Carlisle.

There will be a fight in book four that will not have the Volturi turning stupid. Don't worry about how.

Charlies little story is a Novella so I don't count it as a book.... GOD hearing you plowed through the series in so short a time is MIND boggling. I get people telling me this occasionally and I NEVER stop being amazed by it!

As for the sex scenes, yeah, I didn't want this to be erotic literature. I frequently scream that 'THIS ISN'T A SMUT BOOK' because them having sex is just a normal healthy thing that happens in relationships and wanted to show that. The sex scenes I write tend to be glossed over anyways so I'm glad it was readable for you. I get feeling frustrated and wanting more plot, but there are plenty of people who prefer the very explicit smut.

If sex scenes aren't your cup of tea, that's fine. I don't view Bella as pure and innocent though. It teeters dangerously on the Madonna/Whore dichotomy to act like she is. I get wanting to preserve the innocence of your childhood through her. That's not me though. Bella/Carlisle's relationship is highly sexual in nature within SoG and that's ALRIGHT too!

Thanks for the super long ask!!! it was great to read and fun to respond to!

[skyemak]

Hi Skye!! 👁️✨ May I request a first kiss scenario with Jade? I'm so soft and you said you want fluffy ideas so maybe a little hand h*lding too...? Haha jk... unless..??

Take a Hike

Yuu sat at her desk, absentmindedly poking the eraser head of her pencil on her cheek. Laid before her was her homework for the night, which was almost finished. She sat on her stiff chair with one leg crossed over the other. Her foot did not quite touch the ground, and she kicked it around as a means to fidget. The girl stared out the window, not because there was anything quite worth seeing outside, but due to the rain outside. Droplets of water hit her bedroom window, and occasional bursts of lightning would light up grounds through this dusk. From the other side of the room, she heard grumbling from her roommate. Most likely he was frustrated with the homework assigned to him. Yuu knew how to pace her homework over a period of time, but Grim was one to put off things until last minute.

Heaving a sigh, Yuu set down her pencil and grabbed for her phone. She lightly tapped the power button to turn the screen on. No new messages. No notifications. Nothing. Dejectedly, she set the phone back down on her desk, and leaned back in her chair. Of course Yuu wasn’t expecting any messages, but she felt disappointed, nonetheless. A few weeks ago, she had approached Jade, and confessed her feelings to him. The girl was doubtful he would reciprocate, but figured it’d be no skin off her nose. She’d just get it off her chest and move on with life. Unexpectedly, after a time to ponder to himself, Jade said it sounded interesting, and agreed to be in a romantic relationship with Yuu. At the time, the girl’s heart had leapt out of her chest, and she was all smiles for a week. Afterward, however, no matter what Yuu would try, he’d never be available to make time for her.

Go for a walk after class? He’d have plans.

Meet up before class started for the day? He’d have plans.

Eat together at lunch? He, too, rejected that idea, mentioning something about not wanting to make their relationship public.

“It doesn’t even exist in private…” Yuu muttered to herself. Did he not know what it means to humans to be in a relationship? Is it different underseas? She grabbed her pencil again and flipped threw a few pages of her textbook. After finding the page she searched for, Yuu looked toward the window again, contemplating the thought that, perhaps Jade was just trying to be nice. Perhaps he didn’t want to date but didn’t want to outright reject her. Maybe he was just avoiding her until she called it off?

“Maybe I’ll just call it off tomorrow,” Yuu mumbled, returning her focus to her notebook. “One more question, then bed… Then I’ll ask if he wants to cut it off tomorrow…”

The girl couldn’t deny the squeezing feeling in her chest upon that thought, but found she had no other means to approach the situation.

-----

“Hey—Grim! Wait up!” Yuu called.

“You’re the one being slow!” Grim called back, about five meters ahead of her.

“There’s mud puddles everywhere!” she complained.

The night before brought more rainfall than anticipated. Throughout the path to school were a series of puddles. Not wanting to slip and fall into a puddle, the girl was being very careful to watch her steps.

“You’re gonna be late at that rate!”

“Well some of us can’t fly!”

Grim only responded with a laugh and continued to get farther away. With luck on her side, Yuu found herself with a few minutes to spare before class. As she powerwalked through the hallway, she was surprised to see a certain figure standing by her classroom door.

“Jade?”

“Oh, there you are,” he smiled toward her, walking a few steps in her direction.

“What’re you doing here?” A bit embarrassingly, Yuu was panting due to the hurry she was in. She tried to hide it but—

“In a bit of a rush this morning?”

“Uh, well—kinda,” Yuu averted Jade’s gaze, and timidly tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Oya, there must have been quite a lot of rain last night,” he chuckled to himself. “Speaking of rain, this weekend I was considering going mushroom hunting. The next few days will be a bit cool as well, so I expect to find quite a few. Would you care to join me?”

Yuu shot a look of surprise toward Jade, “Wha—?”

“That is if you’re interested,” he grabbed his chin and looked a bit bashful. “We’d leave early morning and expect not to return until evening. It’s similar to that of an all-day hike. Oh—of course we’d have food and water to nourish ourselves throughout the day.” He glanced toward Yuu expectantly.

Was…Was he asking her out on a date!? Yuu was astonished. Until now, she thought he wasn’t that interested in dating and was ready to break things off. Now she found her heart beating loudly in her chest and her cheeks flush a light shade of pink. The girl’s hair bounced as he vigorously nodded towards Jade. “Yeah! I’ll go! I’d love to!”

The eel smiled elatedly, “I’m glad to hear it. I’ll send you some advice and resources later in preparation. Now then, class is about to start, and I must be on my way. Until then.” Jade turned to leave and strolled in the direction of his classroom. Yuu could hear her heartbeat ring through her eardrums as she watched him leave.

-----

True to his word, Jade had messaged Yuu some advice and helpful tips for the upcoming Saturday. Yuu was all smiles when she opened her phone to find new messages from him. The message did not stray from the plans they had made, but she was happy to finally have something to talk about with Jade. Before and after school, she’d ask him a few questions here and there related to what she should bring or wear. His face would always light up with a smile when Yuu’d ask. Seeing him so excited about his hobbies made him seem so precious. On top of that, Yuu felt special to be invited along his adventures.

“Tomorrow is the day~” the girl hummed to herself. She laid on her bed on her stomach, reading through a few sources on her phone relevant to the next day. Yuu eagerly kicked her feet in the air as she read her screen. Eventually, she called it a night and double checked her alarm for the next morning before putting her phone away.

-----

“Oya, you look more prepared than I was expecting,” Jade commented at the sight of Yuu. He wore long black pants, a lightweight jacket, and a set of hiking boots. Hung over his shoulders was a hiking bag, presumingly stored with their food and water for the day. Yuu’s outfit was similar, also with a lightweight jacket, dark gray pants, along with her own set of durable hiking boots. She made a grin and posed. “Yup! I listened to all your advice!”

Jade chuckled pleasingly. “I see. Then, shall we be off?” He turned toward the mountainous landscape before them. “Yeah!” Yuu scampered toward him.

With the sunrise being only a few hours prior, the air felt chill as it brushed over Yuu’s face. The wind was not too strong that morning, but the girl was grateful she wore a windbreaker jacket to keep the cold air from penetrating her deeper. The ground was vast with evergreen trees, moss-covered rocks, and what sounded to be a small stream nearby. As they stepped through the grass, tips of the blades of grass still held some morning dew, causing the tops of their hiking boots became damp. The ground underneath was still cold and moist too. Yuu had to be cautious while she walked, since the terrain was rougher than she least expected. The girl was careful to follow Jade’s lead; he seemed to be very experienced with the area, or at least was good at adapting to changes of the topography.

Jade was quite thrilled when they found their first batch of mushrooms at the trunk of a nearby tree. He sweetly hummed to himself as he pinched the cap from its stem and placed it into a mesh bag. Yuu noted in her research the reason for the mesh bag was to help spread spores from the mushrooms to encourage more growth.

The morning was spent 90% walking and 10% actually finding and picking mushrooms. Jade found a number of different fungi growing about, but Yuu only managed to spot one before he did. Unfortunately for Yuu, the mushrooms she did find, Jade had said they were inedible. Her heart sank when she found out, and her mood began to spiral downward. Hours had passed since they began the day and her feet began to feel sore. He had mentioned bringing along food but had only given her a water bottle. Yuu’s stomach felt like it was about to concave from hunger, and she was hoping he’d propose a break soon.

However, a break never came. About twenty minutes after her thought of taking a break, he only offered her two granola bars from his backpack and kept trudging along. Jade seemed to be excited about the plentiful findings of the day, but more and more Yuu began to feel ignored. He’d run away without warning when he saw a bundle of mushrooms growing from the ground. When Yuu caught up to him, Jade would already be done picking them and continue on his way. Her legs grew sorer and more exhausted. She already had to quicken her pace to keep up with his longer stride, but eventually she let herself fall behind, doubting he’d even notice.

At some point, in the middle of a small forest, Yuu found a dead log to sit on. The log felt hard against her bottom, but it was a great relief for her legs. She could feel what she could presume would develop into blisters ache around her feet. The sun was overhead at this time, and rays of sunlight lit up spots of the forest floor. The girl held her head in her hands and leaned her elbows on her knees. Her eyes traced Jade’s movements as he waved through the trees, north to south, south to west, west to east, etc. Occasionally she’d see him pause at a certain spot ten meters away to crouch down and pick from another finding.

Yuu sighed, dejectedly scraping the heels of her boots into the forest ground. She felt forgotten about and questioned if he’d even remembered inviting her out here. It’d be unfortunate for her, but she wouldn’t be shocked if he left her in that forest alone. She laid her palms down behind her and leaned back on top of the log. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come…” she mumbled. Yuu absently stared at her surroundings, admiring the forest and its beauty. At least it was a nice day out and she was getting fresh air…

Abruptly, Yuu felt a bug crawl over one of her hands on the log and yelped in surprise. She shook her hand furiously and turned around to see what the culprit may have been, but what actually caught her eyes was—

“Oh, a fairy ring,” Yuu said. From behind, she heard a set of footsteps approach. When she turned around, she saw Jade walking toward her.

“You shrieked earlier, Yuu. Are you okay?” he asked.

“Jade!” she excitedly called out to him, “Look at this! I’m surprised you didn’t see this!”

Yuu hopped off the log and walked a few meters. She approached a cluster of mushrooms in a circle formation. “There’s a fairy ring over here!” she smiled gleefully, crouching down beside it.

“A fairy ring?” he asked quizzically. Jade climbed over the log and walked toward her. “I only see a collection of mushrooms though?” The eel crouched down beside her. “Though I’m unfamiliar with this species…” He reached down to pick one, but Yuu pushed his hand away. “No, you’re not supposed to disturb the ring!”

Jade blinked toward her, astonished she had made that sudden movement. “Why?”

Yuu grinned ecstatically. “Heehee~ You don’t know?” she teased. “I just read about them last night. There’s a bunch of different beliefs surrounding them. Some say fairies will dance around the ring, or sit on the mushrooms to use for tables, or for umbrellas. The ring might also be a portal between the fairy world and this world—though we have fairies here so that may not be the case?”

“Ohhhh?” Jade smiled as he balanced his cheek on his fist. He was smiling toward her, but she did not notice.

“But don’t step into the ring!” Yuu continued. “You might die young, become invisible to the mortal world, or be unable to escape the ring. I don’t remember the details, but you’re also not supposed to disturb the ring.”

“I see. It’s a good thing I brought you here, otherwise I may have taken all these mushrooms and endangered myself to an early death,” Jade said.

Yuu giggled, “Well, I’m not sure how much of that is true though.” She stared down toward the mushrooms, absently holding out her finger as if too poke one. Jade smoothly grabbed her hand and used it as leverage to pull Yuu closer to him. Suddenly, she felt his warm lips over hers. He placed a hand on the side over her head to cradle and pull her in closer. Yuu’s eyes were wide in shock at first, and her chest felt like it was going to burst. Eventually, however, she found herself leaning into the kiss, and shut her eyes. His lips felt soft on hers, but as the kiss continued, he almost seemed…hungry.

After a few moments, Jade withdrew his lips, but Yuu found herself leaning closer toward him in a futile attempt to continue. Her eyes fluttered open as he lightly traced his fingertip down her jaw and to her chin. With a teasing smirk on his face, he whispered, “Don’t you disturb the ring either. I can’t let you be whisked away or see an early death.”

The girl’s face flushed red as she stared into Jade’s affectionate eyes. Yuu was so happy she decided to tag along.

“Now then, my dear,” Jade stood up and grabbed Yuu’s hand to help her up as well. “I must apologize for my behavior today. I was so entrapped by the numerous findings, I neglected you. You don’t have much experience with hiking around all day, so I’m sure your feet are sore.”

Yuu shook her head, “N-No! It’s fine! I’m fine!”

Jade made a bitter smile and shook his head this time. “Either way, thank you for coming with me today. I’ve already filled two bags in half a day, which must be a record. Yuu, you must be a good luck charm.” He beamed, and Yuu could feel her heart skip a beat. “Let’s call it a day here. I’ll cook you something with the mushrooms I found today as thanks.”

“Okay…” she mumbled, coyly twirling her hair.

Jade led Yuu on a path for the way back to Night Raven College. This time around, when Jade walked in front of her, he’d occasionally look back to make sure she was not too far behind him. When he saw she was a few meters away, he’d wait in his tracks for her to catch up before continuing on. Part of the path included a steep hill that made it difficult to descend. He had warned her to watch her step, but along the way, she lost her footing and fell on her behind.

“Ow ow ow…” Yuu groaned.

“Are you okay? You must have lost your footing,” Jade walked up to her and offered his hand. Yuu nodded and reached for his hand. The eel helped her to her feet and kept a hold of her hand. He guided her the rest of the way down the hill until a flatter area.

However, he did not let go of her hand. Jade’s finger’s were entwined with hers. Yuu glanced toward their hands then up toward him. He just smiled back at her, “This way you don’t fall again, or at least, I’ll use that as an excuse.” Yuu felt her heart pound and her face grow hot. She squeezed his hand a bit and felt a smile grow on her face.

The two continued to hold hands for the rest of the trip home.

 -----

There you are taku! 🥰

[lilulo-12fanfiction]

Nothing Breaks Like A Heart- 3

So this took me about 8 years to write. I’m not sure why. But it’s unedited so please ignore the mistakes. The spacing looks off but I’m posting this on mobile so I’ll look at it on my laptop mañana. Likes, comments and reblogs are much appreciated!

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@fanfictionjunkie1112 @shreddedparchment

“Uncle Tony! Uncle Tony!” A 6 year old Nora ran to her Uncle and he scooped her up in his arms. “I missed you!” Nora repeatedly kissed her young uncle’s clean shaven face.

“I missed you too baby doll. Why don’t you go over and see Grandpa Obe. I think he has a present for you.” Tony set Nora down and she ran down the hall.

Nora was dreaming. She knew she was. She was standing there watching her memory unfold. It was the strangest dream. She had never had one like this.

“Hello Nora.” Nora slowly turned as her hands trembled. She knew the voice. She took a shaky breath and came face to face with Loki.

“How are you in my dream?” Loki gave Nora a smirk.

“I’m a God Nora Stark. There are many things I can do.”

“Then why are you here?”

“We had so little time together. There is much you don’t know. Things your father hid from you and your Uncle. I’m here to lead you to the truth. Pay attention to this.” Loki turned you back to the scene before you. This couldn’t be your memory. You had left the room.

“Grant- it’s her birthday and every year you leave her here and vanish for days. Eventually she’s not going to be okay with it. You lost your wife. But she lost her mother.”

“Her mother is gone and it’s my job to protect her from what’s to come. I leave to protect her. You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand.”

“If Nora here infringes on your extra curricular activities, I can get a Nanny.”

“Don’t be stupid. This has nothing to do with her being here. I look forward to this all year. But I’m worried that some day she’s going to resent you and it will be too late.”

“She’s not you. And I’m not our father so just stop. I’ll see you in a week.” Tony stood staring blankly as his brother stormed out. He had no idea what he was hiding. He had left without even saying goodbye to Nora.

“Protect me from what’s to come? What does that mean?!” Nora demanded answers from Loki.

“You have to put it together on your own. I can guide you Nora but you must put the pieces together. “

Before Nora could respond she jolted awake. Her heart was pounding and she couldn’t catch her breath. She felt like she was in a bad version of a Dickens Novel

“That must have been some dream” A deep voice came from her right. She looked over and saw Steve Rogers sitting in the chair next to her bed in the med wing.

“It was intense.” Nora started to regain her bearings.

“Look. I know you don’t want to see me and you think I’m the bad guy. But I had to make that decision. Tony knew what he was doing. I couldn’t risk everything he was willing to sacrifice. I wouldn’t have made that choice if”

“Steve. Steve. I know. I was a bitch. I was emotional and upset and I took it out on you. I’m sorry I spoke to you like that. It was just a lot and I think the poison in my system is making me delirious or something but I know you made the right decision. My uncle wouldn’t able to live with himself if people died to save him.” Steve took Nora’s hand. He could tell she was getting upset again.

“It’s forgotten. It was a difficult day. I’m just glad you and Tony are okay.”

“I think okay is stretch.” Nora laughed.

"Well physically okay." Steve squeezed Nora's hand as the door to her room opened. Bruce walked in, seemingly surprised to see Steve sitting there.

"You ready to get out of here?" Bruce had a strange look on his face.

"I thought you said I'd be here for longer?" Nora furrowed her brow.

"Well, we originally thought you would need IV Antibiotics for longer. It seemed like a nasty infection. But apparently it is healing a lot quicker than anticipated. You aren’t out of the woods but we can switch you to oral antibiotics now. You're still going to be sore and the stitches may give you some trouble but we should be able to take them out soon. There's no reason for you to stay in this bed any longer. But Nora, you need to take it easy for a bit."

“Define take it easy” Bruce looked exasperated as he ran his palm down his face.

“You need to stay in the building for now. We don’t want you exposed to any other bacteria. We don’t know how this will affect your immune system. You’re going to have to keep your leg elevated and the swelling down and crutches to walk.

“So really just like being here but in my own bed or on my ass wheeling around. Bruce I have work to do. The tower is a mess. The city is a mess.”

“It’s not up to you to fix it. You need to take care of yourself.” Nora’s lips were pursed. “Don’t look at me like you’re trying to appease me. You have

to follow instructions.” Bruce was pleading. “Or I’ll call Tony and you’ll stay here.”

“She’ll follow directions Dr. Banner. I’ll make sure of it.” Steve had his arms crossed in front of his chest with authority. Nora’s nostrils flared. Before she could attempt to argue Steve continued talking. “You’re going to need help. Tony needs to recover himself. I, however, am already healed. Let me help you.”

“Must be nice being a Super Soldier, but fine.” Nora threw her hands up. “But don’t even think about trying to treat me like a child.” Nora pointed her finger at Steve with raised eyebrows.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾

Steve wheeled Nora into her apartment. Both he and Bruce insisted on her using it to get to her wing of the tower and use it to go anywhere else in the tower except around her loft.

"Now what?' Nora sighed. Steve could tell she was upset but was trying not to show it.

"Now, I'm going to order some dinner. I don't think you want to be poisoned by my cooking on top of everything else. And then we can watch a movie or whatever you want to do."

"I need to shower, I feel disgusting." Steve nodded and was about to wheel her down to her room. "No, give me the crutches. I'm not an invalid" Steve rolled his eyes and handed her the crutches. He didn't attempt to help her to her feet, he knew she wouldn't let him. He watched her hobble down the hall to her bedroom. He opened a few drawers in her kitchen until he found some menus and pulled them out to decide what to get them for dinner.

Behind the door of her bathroom, Nora let a sob escape from her mouth. She was trying so hard to keep her emotions tucked inside, but after what had just happened she was floored. Aliens, Gods, more aliens. She had no idea what she would have done if she had lost her Uncle. She let her tears flow as she hobbled over to her dresser and pulled out a grey t-shirt and a pair of lavender and grey striped shorts. She struggled for a few moments to figure out how to get changed. She couldn't put any pressure on her leg without horrifying pain. She took a deep breath to center herself and went to the door. "Steve?" she called out. She heard his heavy foot steps and soon he was at her door. "Can you see if you can get Nat or Pepper in here?"

"Nat isn't here, she's at SHEILD. Pepper is doing a press conference right now. Are you okay?" Nora didn't want to open the door for Steve to see her tear stained face.

"I just." She paused. "I can't get changed to get into the shower."

"Do you...do you want my help?" Nora groaned. She didn't want to wait until Pepper would be done. It could be hours. She'd have to swallow her pride and let him help her. She wiped her face as best she could and opened the door. "Nora...you're crying." She clearly she hadn't done a good enough job.

"I'm fine." She stepped back so Steve could walk in. He enveloped her in a hug. She stood there shocked for a moment and then hugged him back and then she felt the damn of tears burst open. He slipped his arm behind her knees and picked her up like she was a feather and walked over to her bed so they could sit. He held her as she cried. "I'm sorry. I don’t know why I’m so damn emotional” She sobbed. "I don't normally break down and cry in front of people. I just..."

"Shhh...don't you dare apologize. And don't hold this all in. I've got you. You're safe with me. These past couple of days have been a lot.” Nora took a deep breath. They sat like that for a while. Nora across Steve’s lap as he had his arms wrapped around her torso and hers around his neck. Finally Nora pulled back.

“I really need to shower but I need help.” Her face turned pink.

“I can help you. I won’t look. It’s okay.” Steve helped her stand up and into her bathroom. She grabbed a towel from her linen cabinet and set it on the counter. Steve opened her shower door and started the water. “How hot do you want it?”

“So hot it almost melts my face off?” Steve laughed.

“I’m not going to turn it that hot. You can adjust it once you get in.” Nora nodded.

“Okay, this is awkward, let’s just power through. I can’t balance to take my pants on or off.” Steve nodded. “I’m going to turn around. I feel like my bare ass is less embarrassing. I mean an ass is ass.”

“However you’re most comfortable “‘Steve laughed. Nora turned around and pulled her t-shirt off and threw it in the hamper. Steve felt his mouth go dry. Nora felt his hands on her hips. “Okay I’m going to slide them off.” Nora nodded. She felt the heat burning on her cheeks. She felt like someone was blowing bubbles in her stomach. She was painfully aware of how firm Steve was holding her waste. His calloused hands were hot against her skin. Suddenly she was painfully aware that she was completely naked. “Can you step in by yourself?” Nora nodded unable to speak. She stepped in and quickly shut the door behind her. “I’m going to go back into your room. The towel is right here. Call me when you’re ready for me.

“Okay. Thanks Steve.” Nora felt her heart pounding.

“Of course. I’ll be right outside”. Steve ran his hands down his face. He spent the entire time thinking of the most non-sexual thoughts he could to avoid being turned on. He was attracted to Nora, she was beautiful, but there was something about her that was magnatizing.

He looked around her room. The walls were a grayish purple. The room wasn’t as big as he thought it would be, but it was still bigger than any room he had ever slept in. There was a slanted ceiling near the bathroom that created a large alcove where an oak roll top desk and chair was located. She had a matching chest of drawers that matched the desk as well as a large bookshelf that was loaded with books. Nora being a bookworm made him smile. Her king sized bed was in the middle of the room with an oak nightstand on one side and on the other was an elaborate lamp. It was built like a tree and was covered with glass flowers that all had tiny light bulbs in the middle. There was a smaller black lamp on the night stand.

Parallel to the wall with the door was a set of glass french doors with trim painted the black. It led out to a substantial balcony. Steve imagined Nora spent a lot of time out there. Her glanced over at her bluish purple bed spread that was a soft chenille. It was simple and loaded with pillows. He wondered how she fit in the bed with that many pillows. He walked over to the bookshelf and took a picture off to study it. It had

to be her parents. Grant was the spitting imagine of Howard Stark, even more than Tony. He knew the woman was her mother, although her hair was blonde it hung in spirals like Nora’s. She also had the same captivating sea green eyes as her daughter. Next to that was a picture of an older Howard and he assumed Maria who was holding a little bundle he was sure was Nora. Steve knew they didn’t live much longer after the picture had been taken. He glanced at a few photos of Nora and Grant. There was one of Nora, maybe 12, with Pepper. There was then an onslaught of photos of Nora and Tony. Ones with a young Tony and a toddler Nora. He saw her grow up in the photos. Her High School graduation, prom, a Christmas photo. Despite all of her loss, Tony has given her the best life possible. Not with his money, but with how much he loved her. The pride in his eyes in each photo jumped out at you. His favorite picture was of her and Tony, she was holding a cello and happiness was radiating from her.

Steve jumped and put the photo with back when he heard the bathroom door open. Nora hobbled out wearing her towel and holding her clothes. “I’m all done.” Her voice was quiet and sheepish.

“Here, sit down on the edge of the bed.” Steve helped her over as she sat. He took the black cotton boy short panties and slid them up to her knees and did The same with her shorts. “If you stand will you be able to pull them up the rest of the way?” Nora nodded. Steve tried to ignore her blazingly red face. “Okay, I’ll help you stand and then you can finish getting dressed. Your crutches are right there on the bed.” Steve helped her stand and then headed towards her door.

“Steve?” He heard her say in almost a whisper. “Thank you.” He nodded at her with a smile and headed back out to the living room.

♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾

Nora used her crutches to get back out to the main area. Her large apartment started with an open floor plan. The substantial kitchen and living room were what you saw when you walked in. Dark hardwood floors throughout. Parallel to her door was a long hallway with 5 doors. On the right hand side was first the guest bedroom and the master bedroom at the end of the hall. On the other side there were two more doors with a half bath in the middle. Each bedroom had its own bathroom.

“So I ordered some pizza and wings. I figured it was a safe bet.”

“That’s fine, but I’m not really hungry to be honest.”

“You definitely have to eat Nora. All of that medicine will kill your stomach.” She nodded and hobbled over to the living room. She had a large taupe microfiber couch with ottoman at each end and two over sized chairs on each side. There was an antique looking entertainment center and above it, mounted to the wall was a large flat screen TV. About 6 feet back from the couch was a large wooden table with a marble top. It had a long bench on the side closest to the wall with 3 large chairs Across from it and 2 on each end. There was a wall of floor to ceiling windows. Across from the large table right next to the windows was a baby grand piano. Nora sat on the couch propping her leg up on the ottoman.

“You really don’t have to stay Steve. I’ll be fine.” Nora finally said. Steve had been studying her profile after she sat down. She looked overwhelmed and slightly sad.

“I know you’d be fine but you really shouldn’t be alone. Something could happen and you’re not at 100%. Unless you don’t want me here, I could call Nat.”

“No that’s not it. I just feel bad that I’m hijacking your life.” Steve walked over and sat next to Nora and faced her.

“You’re not hijacking anything. There’s no place else I’d rather be.” His warm smile set her at ease. His hand was next to hers and she linked her pinky with his. Steve was amazed that a tiny little touch could send his heart racing. Before either of them could say or do anything else there was a knock on the door. Steve jumped up to open it and was greeted by Tony’s confused face. He walked past Steve into the apartment. Steve could tell he was trying to appear uninjured but his movements said otherwise. Even after a few days since the battle his face was bruised up.

“Wasn’t expecting to see you here Cap.” Tony glanced over his shoulder with a knowing look at Steve. He looked guilty and Nora looked flustered.

“Uh Dr. Banner had some stipulations on letting Nora out of the med bay so I told him I’d stick around to help.”

“Jarvis- have some clothes sent over for the Captain if he’s staying here. Don’t need him smelling up the place.” Tony ordered his A.I. He smiled at Nora and kissed her on the cheek and sat down next to her. “Hi babydoll, how’s my girl?” Steve stepped into the kitchen to give them some privacy. He sat at the large island on one of the stools. The marble top on the island and the rest of the counters matched the table. The color of the cabinets matched the color of her furniture. Her french door refrigerator and 6 burner stove as well as the dish washer were black. He looked at the walls of the entire area. The color was a very pale turquoise. Almost so pale it was white. One wall on the living room side behind the table and piano was exposed brick. Her tastes were simple and clean.

“I’m okay. Really tired still. How are you? Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“Oh honey I’m fine. I’ve had worse than this.”

Nora gave him a skeptical look. “I came over once I heard you were back over here to see if you wanted to stay on my floor so you weren’t alone, but I see you aren’t.”

“You need to take care of yourself and not worry about me. You fell out of the sky!”

“Banner broke my fall.” Tony gave his signature smirk. “But I see you’re in good hands here so I’m going to head back over before Pepper comes hunting for me. Call me if you need anything.” Tony kissed her forehead. “Love you Nori. Keep that leg up and don’t try to over do it.”

“Ditto, on all accounts.” She smiled adoringly up at her Uncle. He gave her a shrug.

“My legs are fine.” He turned to Steve and nodded “Captain.” After a second glance, he headed out the door.

Steve managed to get Nora to eat a piece of pizza and a couple of wings. He took it as a victory. He walked back over to the couch and handed Nora her antibiotics and some of her pain medication. She swallowed it quickly with her water. Steve sat down next to her as she picked another movie.

“You look exhausted. Why don’t we call it a night.”

“I don’t want to sleep” Nora confessed.

“You need some rest. It’ll help you heal.”

“If I sleep, I’ll dream and I’d like to avoid that.” Concern was draped over Steve’s face.

“Nightmares?”

“Among other things.”

“Here lean forward.” As Nora moved he slid behind her so she could rest her torso on his and stretch her legs out across the couch. It took Nora a moment to settle back, taken by surprise. Once she was resting against him Steve covered them with the large blanket that was on the back of the couch. “Rest, go to sleep. If you start having a nightmare I’ll wake you up.” Nora nodded and then started the movie. About 15 minutes after the movie started her head fell back against Steve’s shoulder. Steve leaned his head back and closed his eyes, the sweet smell of Nora’s shampoo helping him drift off to sleep.

[highonthought]

Post-Vacation Depri

It's not so fun coming back from vacation. I just miss him. The trip back is always so much longer than the trip there. Maybe anticipation that makes the trip to California so much quicker, I'm so excited to see him. But leaving us so long, I feel every second. Just saying goodbye before the terminal, before security, it sucks. And I come home, and I'm left with this feeling that I've met before. I know it all too well, I'm not anxious I'm not mad, I'm not sad either, I'm nostalgic and I just want to be with him. There's a bit of a twang, of how I felt the last time before we broke up. I didn't know what to do with all of the feelings I felt, all that pain from being away from him, but I thought it would go way if he went away. Obviously it didn't, lol. Two years later were happily dating again and I couldn't be happier.

People say its easier to remember bad things than it is to remember happy memories. And I guess that's true. It's hard to forget how I felt every second after he left the airport and I had to wait through security and walk to my two little, and walk to my gate, and then wait an hour for my flight. Yeah, and I wait for my luggage, and I wait for my bus, and I wait to get picked up from the bus stop, then I'm home, and everything is just how I left it, everything is just as it was when I left. Just stark contrast of arriving to his state, where he waits for me at baggage claim, and i can't wait to get there knowing that my bag wont arrive for another 20 minutes, because I'll get to just stand by him. And this last visit was no different. He had on a red long sleeve mock neck, and he greeted me with a smile and open arms. I just miss him, I can't help it.

We spent basically a whole week at an airbnb living together. I only ever catch a glimpse of what our lives are like when were together. Im happy waking up next to him. Making him breakfast, making dinner together, enjoying our youth together. I love danny, Im not leaving ever again. I get weird manic days where i do some crazyshit but i think ive grown, and am able to rationalize my thoughts now. And even if i cant, I know how it felt to be away from from, completely, for two years. That sucked big balls. It felt off, hes one of my best friends and confidants.

Anyway so im back from vacation with him and i cant get much of nything done because im upset, im sad, im melancholic, I miss him and i just sit and think of him, or i just want to be talking to him. Im havingbtrouble falling back into a routine. Maybe bc i didnt have much of an established pne to begin with. Its easy to just sit here and mope. But theres a pain in my chest and i get a shiver all throught my body when i remeber that im back to my own life, no more fairy tale.

I want to remeber how good it feels to do the things i like.

School

Gym

Work

really i shouldstop watching so much tv bc i never feel good after. I feel great when i come back from the gym, or when I complete a homework assignment. But its so hard to want to do better when my room is such a mess. and man, it is always a mess. But that makes it a great place to start. Im going to clean my room tonight so i can go into the work week feeling good

Sunday: hw, gym, :)

Monday: work, hw

Tuesday: work, gym

Wednesday: work, hw

Thursday: work, class

Friday: (no work hehe) gym, hw

Saturday: clean up room, rest

This looks like an easy enough week list to follow. Simple and realistic. Im glad and looking forward to it. 💕📝

[allsassnoclass]

hello hazel!! it's your hoops boy. it is 12:32am and ive spent the last couple of hours (re)watching the good place. an update on my life: i am at my grandparents' house with my older sister and my cousins & aunt & uncle (mom's sister's family). tomorrow afternoon we will drive upstate to my grandma's cousin's upstate house where we always have thanksgiving, and the rest of my family is gonna meet us there. at this current exact moment however i am not actually in my grandparents' house because they don't have the space to put up our whole extended family, so my older sister and my same-age cousin and i are staying across the street in the neighbors' house which has been generously offered to us. this is nice of them to offer but there are no snacks here nor any way for me to make tea, so it's not ideal. however there IS a super cute cat named dublin. she is very friendly but also i hate being covered in cat fur so it's a trade off every time. i wish cats didn't shed.

ANYWAY, that aside i'm doing okay. i do desperately need to finish my research project design though, so i can start, yknow, collecting data, and also i have a homework assignment related to the project design that i equally desperately need to complete and turn in. i hate my stupid pushover methods prof. who wants this stress on break? not me !!! ummm what else. i listened to finneas's new album on the train today and i LOVED it. also listened to greatest hits and it was mostly good, some of it good weird, some it just plain weird and not for me. numb remains my favorite song. i don't even know how familiar you are with parx. for some reason in my head you're a parx person. if so then nice job well done bella's memory. if not then may i recommend the song numb.

i hope the 1.3k writing is going/went well !!!! i am sending you ALLLLL the writing vibes. it sucks to set a goal and then feel like you're not going to manage to meet it. i hope you do manage it though!! but if you don't i'm still proud of you for all of the writing you got done this month. imagine if you hadn't had nano motivating you at all!!! you might have written even less. consider it a victory for yourself. and your future readers. okay ! i love you!!! i'm exhausted i might try and sleep now since i have no reason (read: snacks) to stay up for. goodnight !!! xoxo bella

yo doggy troy my hoops boy! nice to have you here

wowza that's a lot of family! we used to do thanksgiving up at my aunt's house (she lives in the same town as my grandma so it was the central hub) but we haven't been for a few years for various reasons. i wish we were able to go this year, but it's difficult with my siblings' work and coordinating college for the past few years and such. anyway, that neighbor is super nice to let y'all stay and i'm so glad that you get to hang out with a cat, although i understand the gripe about cat fur. i hope the drive upstate and thanksgiving itself is good for you!!!

homework over break absolutely sucks. no students should have to do work over break, that's why it's called BREAK. i am not actually a parx person. the only song of theirs that i'm familiar enough to name upon hearing is lucky people, which is on my january playlist. i will put numb on my new music playlist though!

i actually!!!!!! managed to meet and SURPASS my goal today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is very very exciting. (i wrote over 2k today!!!!) there is still hope to meet my nano word goal yet, although the fic will still not be completed because it is going to be longer than i anticipated and therefore longer than the word count i set. i am not yet halfway done i don't think. it is a very good thing that i tried to write it for nano because otherwise december would be very extremely stressful trying to get this guy done. i think last year i was writing meet me under the mistletoe right up until christmas, which was not great and very stressful, whereas i do think i'll have time to let this sit so i can properly edit it rather than rushing to finish writing and not allowing the proper time for it to set.

i love you too! i hope you figure out all of your gift things and sleep very soon

[bugie78]

Hey! Just a quick response (knowing me, it will probably get a bit longer anyway, but well...) to your post regarding self-diagnosis because there's something I wanted to add – another reason why I absolutely agree with you. I'm not in university yet, but I've spent the last four years absorbing everything I could find about psychology in general. One of the first things I learned regarding mental illness: You cannot accurately observe yourself. You're biased. (1)

Anonymous said Just like the people you are dear to. And of course, even the best therapist/psychiatrist isn't immune to prejudice. However, they are trained to deal with that and they'll still have an easier time "objectively" (as far as that's possible) looking at possible symptoms than anyone with a personal relationship to you (including yourself). (2)

Anonymous said:That doesn't mean you or the people around you can't suspect you suffer from condition x. Otherwise, how would you know you need to go see a doctor? But that's what it should remain until you can get a pro-diagnosis: a suspicion. And you should treat it as such. (3)

Anonymous said:Regarding the community and resources thing: If you don't have the opportunity to get a pro-diagnosis, that's totally alright. What stops you from beginning your research/looking for resources & people with similar experiences on suspicion alone? For example: I highly suspect I have or at least had a mild form of depression. (And there've been times when I've been so much worse.) It runs in my family and a few of my relatives've got professional diagnoses. Still, I don't tell/never told (4)

Anonymous said: people I suffer from clinical depression because: no official diagnosis. When talking about it to someone, I usually narrow it down to symptoms I experience or to a simple "I think I might've (had) depression". To go further would be to discredit official diagnoses & the severeness of the disorder. And, let's be honest: It hasn't stopped me from recovering. It's been a long, long way, but I've learned to manage what I perceive as symptoms of depression. By learning about it. (5)

Anonymous said: By talking to people with similar experiences. By getting to know myself better, etc. At this point, I don't feel the need to get an official diagnosis anymore. Whatever I have/had, I can live with it just fine now. So, self-diagnosis (as in: being "sure" without checking with a professional) really isn't a requirement for getting into a community or whatever. (6)

Anonymous said: God, I need to go now, haha. This has already turned out way longer than anticipated... and I could still say so, so much about this. One last thing, though: There's another reason why a trained professional's perspective is important when it comes to diagnoses. Not just because of the bias-thing. As a layman, it's easy to get the wrong idea about a condition, to not understand something correctly or see things where there are none. Say, you strongly believe you have x – then it's possible (7)

Anonymous said you overinterpret stuff to suit your image of yourself. Or even develop symptoms you didn't show before. Of course, that's not always the case. There's definitely people out there who've self-diagnosed correctly. But it's not as rare as one would want it to be. What it burns down to: Professionals make mistakes as well, but FEWER and they usually have a deeper understanding of an illness. That's their job. But well, that's the main things I wanted to point out (in addition to your rambling.) (8)

......

I AM SO GLAD YOU AGREE WITH ME ANON CAUSE HONESTLY I WAS A BIT SCARED WHEN I GOT THIS MANY ASKS FROM YOU BUT SO GLAD IT WAS AGREEING AND NOT DISAGREEING. wHAT A RELIEF. 

I know right! You make some excellent points! People who self diagnose and then refuse to go see a doctor and just put a label on themselves are the ones that bug me the most. I know a lot aren’t like this. BUT there are people who I have seen who are like this. Some people say “well some of us don’t have the time, energey or desire to go see a doctor” And I am like  no if you really suspect you might have something you will make time, and have the desire to go see a doctor. 

I remember my doctor told me once that a kid came in, and his mom demanded that he give the child meds because he has ADHD... but my doctor knew better and knew that the kid certantly didn’t have it. So he refused which somehow pissed off the mom... like wouldn’t you be happy your child doesn’t need to rely on meds to keep focus... 

And I saw ppl put in their blog “im self diagnosed autism” and it just doesn’t work that way. Self diagnose Autism isn’t a thing... being just diagnosed with Autism is.. if your self diagnosed and then go and tell ppl that you have it, it’s just like putting a label on yourself... which being autistic or having asperger’s is wayyy more then just having a special interest and not being able to make friends. Hell, I have many friends and I have Asperger’s. And they all know I have it. Even my boyfriend knows and he accepts it. I have a hard time knowning how to socialize with others but I really do try my hardest.. probally why I am better at this is cause I gotten group therapy to help me on this. And if I just self diagnosed myself, then I wouldn’t be able to get group therapy...but since I had a legit diagnoses done I was able to get group therapy which helped me a lot. 

So yeah sorry ranting again but thank you so much for agreeing with me!