#i'm just frustrated and sad
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I feel for the Izzy fans, I really do. It sucks to have your favorite character killed off, especially when you feel like their death serves no narrative purpose. It genuinely hurts to lose a character that you identify closely with, and it's okay to be sad and grieve. The character might not be real, but the grief is. Let people mourn. Don't be rude to the ones who are just being sad in their little corners of the internet, yeah?
That said.
Some of the stuff I've seen in the OFMD fandom today? Worst shit I've seen in a fandom that I love and care about, and grief is no excuse. I know I'm a no one in this fandom and I'm mostly typing into a void, but I've got to get some things out:
The show doesn't deserve to be canceled. None of the creators, producers, or writers deserve to be canceled. Nothing queerphobic, homophobic, or ableist happened.
Izzy's death was not an insult or a cruelty or a targeted attack.
David Jenkins and the rest of the writers did not gaslight and abuse anyone (yeah, those are take I've seen).
It wasn't "objectively" a cheap or meaningless or badly-written death. You can hate it and that's okay, but that's still subjective!
Izzy was not the main character or the "heart" of the show. The heart of the show -- the show itself -- is Ed and Stede's relationship. We have been told as much.
"Ed hasn't faced any consequences for his actions." He has though? He didn't gaslight girlboss his way back into everyone's hearts. Izzy is not Ed's hapless and helpless victim. He was almost beaten to death and ran around in a penitence onesie with a catbell on; I think those were consequences.
"How do you feel when gay characters are randomly killed off to help a straight couple progress their narrative? Not good, huh? That's how disabled fans feel." It's okay to feel that way, but don't make any sweeping assumptions about disabled fans. I'm disabled and I'm gonna say that's not what happened here.
"How dare you kill off this character who's abused, flawed, suicidal, disabled, and queer!" Ed is still right over there, yeah? Check, check, check, check, and check. (Little note: I've seen a lot of "he's not disabled!" Even if you don't buy the kneebrace ((Ed Teach with bad joints is so important to me, shhh)), what about invisible disabilities? What about mental health issues? I'm not here to diagnose a fictional character, but it's clear to me that Ed has mental health problems that dramatically impact his life.)
"It's sick that Izzy died in the arms of his abuser apologizing to him." I don't even know where to start with this one, but I get the feeling that some parts of the fandom only consider physical abuse valid. Mental, verbal, and emotional abuse are pretty fucking damaging and I think it's sick that some folks think they aren't actually abuse.
People who enjoyed the last episode of season two aren't media illiterate. People who love Gentlebeard aren't abusive narcissists.
I just.
I really, truly feel for Izzy fans for I too have lost a blorbo. I'm giving a huge hug to the Izzy enjoyers who aren't out there making threats and calling everyone abusers and being outright hostile to anyone who had the nerve to enjoy this season. Like, I genuinely hope you guys are doing okay, and if you need an ear, I'm game.
#ofmd#ofmd s2 spoilers#cw: abuse#tw: abuse#i'm just frustrated and sad#fandom critical#day two: still bad#but i've seen some very cool izzy fans out there talking down their friends#as well as some kind and patient words from neutral parties#this fandom is still mostly good and kind#day three: i think we're doing better!#day four: backsliding :(#me typing things
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i think my soul hurts a little bit
#pine.log#it's...hard#i'm just frustrated and sad#idk sorry this is vague and melodramatic#but im not gonna say i shouldn't feel this way#it hurts seeing someone like you not treated well because of the thing you have in common#actually its really shitty and im tired of it#buts it everywhere so idk
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i really can't emphasize how heartbreaking it is that the recent harassment campaign against @/90-ghost (among others; see: 1, 2, 3) has led to well-meaning people telling others not to listen to him. he is one of the most visible survivors of the genocide here on tumblr. his entire journey of escape is so well documented! and yet, it only took a few people confidently pointing fingers to create an entire witch hunt accusing him and other palestinians of being disreputable scammers and liars.
i can't help but feel like the reason why people were SO eager to believe those accusations, is because it was uncomfortable to see posts from palestinians every day asking for our time, attention, money, and support; so when someone presented the perfect excuse to ignore all those posts and asks while also taking the high ground, people just LEAPED onto it. they wanted to believe it, because it would be more comfortable.
honestly, i understand feeling overwhelmed by bad news, by the number of asks and messages in your inbox, and so on and so forth. i understand needing to set boundaries for yourself so you don't get burned out. i think this is really when you have to have a set of principles to fall back on, even when you're tired, uncomfortable, angry, and/or sad. so here's the one i suggest, which has been working for me best: don't make your discomfort with this situation into someone else's problem, and for god's sake don't make it a public problem.
if you hate seeing fundraiser posts or news about gaza, i can't emphasize this enough, JUST MOVE ON. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND SCROLL PAST! all you have to do is absolutely nothing. which is what you were doing anyway, so it shouldn't be hard. if you don't have the heart to read, or reblog, or share, or donate, or support in other ways, at the very least, don't obstruct the efforts of people who ARE trying to make a difference. this is, quite literally, the least you can do.
#khy speaks#anyways i'm not trying to put this person in the replies on blast bc i think they meant well even if they were misinformed#but its just so sad to see the damage that this recent harrassment campaign has done#and i'm only on the sidelines! i can't imagine how frustrating and maddening this must have been for#those who have been fighting from day one.
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MHA didn't create some miracle way of helping others. It was never promised to be this way. And when it came to villains...
Spoilers for manga all the way to chapter 423.
The only way to get anything in life in MHA was to be born "normal" like everyone else and that way of thinking never left Izuku with Toga getting the same treatment she did before from everyone from her family to her "normal" classmates. It was Ochako who helped Toga even if just a little by lifting the weight of all the feelings that Toga had.
She couldn't save Toga the way one could save a civilian by saving them from harm. If it worked that way Dabi would've saved Toga even before Ochako could apologize for failing to notice Toga. She was so lazer focused on saving everyone else, that she was just another villain to stop, not a human.
Even if by the end of it Ochako helped Toga to deal with her grief, acceptance as it was wasn't something possible when a quirk makes you want to drink someone's blood from jealousy.
We got a bittersweet ending with Toga, in which she probably died from blood loss just like her double did in MVA. If it wasn't for Twice she would've died back then.
Giving away her blood for Ochako wasn't a redemption or a way to save Toga in the end, more as it was her being true to herself until the very end.
Just like Twice chose to stay with the League even if Hawks offered him a way to survive that battle. He refused and died protecting his friends who accepted him instead of choosing to betray them and accept Hawks' offer.
After Twice's death... It was a matter of time that more 'active' LoV members would join him as well. As sad as it is, we now can return to Izuku.
Who, after his time OFA-AFO quirk space, now wanted to help a "crying boy" he saw in Tenko just as before with Katsuki in chapter 1. He didn't forgive Tomura and didn't excuse the way he chose to solve his problems.
It didn't mean that Tomura would survive in their battle, even if Izuku didn't see killing others as a way to solve problems. He didn't understand Tomura, but he still wanted to try, and try he did.
The rest of this post was nothing more than a contextual prologue to understand that it's not the first time a hero failed to save a villain and in Twice's case we know that he died and his death was the reason Toga started thinking about her own possible death and Dabi finally revealed himself as Toya.
The goal of saving a "crying boy" never was an end-goal for Izuku in the Final arc, since helping Tomura deal with his feelings just left him hollow with a goal that clashed with Izuku's. As being a hero for villains meant destroying the world for them to help them live freely.
But that was before AFO resurfaced.
Sadly after that Tomura who was talking about making his own choices for a while now stopped doing that. Even if he still had a goal of helping villains and only villains, Tomura was almost gone. And his goals were now unreachable.
Izuku helped Nana who in turn kept Tomura from fading away entirely. In MHA there were countless situations where Izuku's help affected people by helping a different person to keep hope, All-Might being the first one and Nana being the last one at the moment.
Hollow after Izuku helped him to get rid of his hatred Tomura could do the only thing he did - accept the situation as it was.
Accepting AFO as his Sensei, accepting Stain's ideals and Overhaul's deal was the way he solved his problems. Just like Izuku had a problem of understanding something outside of his norm, Tomura was accepting too many things, which lead to his downfall after accepting AFO's quirk.
Just like Twice could've given up everything that he had for his friends so did Tomura.
With Izuku helping as much as he could let Tomura to finally rest as he wasn't really living ever since waking up in the hospital. With his body now affected by AFO's wishes instead of his own until the end.
In a way Izuku didn't succeed in his wish for Tomura to stop ever since PLF war arc. As he "kept fighting to destroy" no matter how hard Izuku tried to stop him.
The only thing he succeeded in was changing Tomura's mind about himself, instead of viewing himself as a monster he accepted that he was a human just like Izuku said. A "crying boy" who couldn't really destroy Izuku's hands in the end.
For a group of Villains who weren't supposed to get profiles of their own at the start of the series, League is slowly fading as the most memorable group that there was in MHA, getting backstories, their own Villain themed arc all the while being as human as anyone else.
As sad as their story is they were not "unlucky", they didn't need a happy false ending where they would need to change to be normal - they chose to live this way and they lived it to it's fullest.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#bnha analysis#league of villains#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#toga himiko#mha twice#midoriya izuku#ochako uraraka#todoroki touya#dabi#spinner#shuichi iguchi#not art#While writing this I've been rewriting it time and time again#But by the end of it I just started crying because god... I didn't want them to end like this#Also I finally found the tracks that connect to the scene of Twice's death#Which may or may not have been a reason I started crying#Anyway the reason I wrote this was as simple as that - I read Twitter got sad and needed some way to cope#Because I'm getting sick from all 'oh they'll survive' yes HEROES might survive all of this VILLAINS would not#Magne died Twice died wnd Kurogiri literally became a cloud in the sky#I do hope that Spinner would be at least alive because leaving Mr. Compress alone with no sushi too is just too cruel#While writing this I suddenly found myself so frustrated with Izuku that my last tries to write this ended in a trashcan instead#it's so fucked up#To be a LoV stan and see how Class 1-A is getting the best ending they can with so much hope while LoV is... Dead :(#this is a mess
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SVSSS is a novel with a fandom.
[ID: A Scum Villain edit of the "missing the point" meme. A bullet arcs from velinxi art of child Shen Jiu kneeling while furiously glaring. The bullet says, "People are not entirely one thing or the other and holding them to these extremes ignores the complexities that come with their humanity." It arcs over the head of a person across from it, who ignores the bullet and exclaims: "Wow!! Shen Jiu's only crime was being mean and was wrongly hated!" End ID]
#i have so many thoughts about him but he is SO mischaracterized in a lot of fics#like just 'he would not fucking say that' on repeat#because shen jiu's entire thing is that he was CANONICALLY a terrible person#yes his backstory was sad but that doesn't make him Suddenly Good#shen qingqiu is an incredibly complex character but can y'all not pretend that his only flaw is being mean#like shen jiu failed original luo binghe in every way#as his caretaker as an adult in his life on EVERY level#'the tea had healing medicine in it!!' no it did not#shen jiu poured boiling hot tea on a child as a grown man because he was jealous. of said child.#like the entire POINT of his secret backstory was to showcase his complexity!!#and to see so much fandom stuff that's just Shen Yuan in the Opposite Direction is Hm#like he's fun to analyze but let's not pretend that he wasn't a terrible fucking person#while I'm ranting shen jiu would not casually talk about his trauma either#shen jiu's entire thing WAS appearances and even post character arc i think he'd struggle to open up to others#so like NOOOO he would not just tell someone something terrible that happened to him in his past#he'd rather die#okay rant over but this phenomenon is just SO frustrating to me#svsss#shen jiu#scum villian's self saving system#original shen qingqiu
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imagine that, in the first avenger, before pre-serum steve's training montage, we get a flashback with sarah rogers to explain his perseverance. imagine that when he goes to save bucky and after losing him, we get flashbacks to them as kids.
imagine that, in civil war, instead of (or along with if that's what it takes) more of tony's daddy issues we also get to see little steve with sarah to also understand him better.
imagine we get more of steve's backstory.
#steve rogers#captain america#i'm tired so i don’t know if this makes sense#i'm just sad and frustrated#we deserved to meet sarah rogers#and steve growing up a poor disabled immigrant during the great depression#that feels like key formattive parts of his character yk#that got fucking barely mentioned#fuck mcu#ca:cw#team cap#anti tony stark#that wasn't supposed to be here but now i'm mad about that too#“look at this billionare with daddy issues and feel sorry for him!”#is what that scene gives me#putting sarah somewhere in there would make it almost feel balanced#but nooo#all we get is her first name
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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I'm so tired of performative social justice that doesn't actually do anything. stop worshiping the concept of a glorious revolution that will fix everything and make an actionable plan while you push for incremental local change. trump winning isn't going to kickstart some YA novel bullshit and save the day it will destroy us and kill any chance we had of stopping the genocide you're claiming to care about so much. just swallow your pride and fucking vote so we have a chance in hell to work toward a better world and achieve any degree of progress/harm reduction. for fucks sake.
#I'm not actually going to change any minds with this combative bullshit#but at this point I probably wouldn't with a polite well reasoned argument either#I'm just frustrated and angry and sad and tired#and I am terrified of what might happen to everyone I love if you fuckers get trump elected
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Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)
#gw2#sylvari#artgallery#mourynn#mourynn art#I've just been so tired lately bc of work#also just going a bit stir crazy with the silence (lonely; but alas I unfortunately suck at starting convos bc I have nothing interesting t#talk about and work has been draining my social energy; making it even harder :( (I'd rather burn the social energy with friends yknow?)#it's getting a wee bit better; but I haven't had much time or energy to even game while we're in the midst of our busiest season :(#I miss hanging out and chatting with my buds; but the universe insists on keeping us apart :(#just miss having something to look forward to throughout my day. Been trying to fill it with other things; but the depresso is overriding i#Mostly just been me with my thoughts and that is just bad bc I got so many horrors in there lmao.#I wanna at the very least; draw more or game more to distract from it; but work is sapping all my time and energy from it.#but also it's very quiet on my end and it's kicking my overthinking into overdrive so I#Ive just been fighting with my mind lately lmao#hopefully this will all pass soon so I won't obsessively keep thinking about it loll#lol I'd post this in the servers but it's vent art so it feels a bit weird to do; so it's going straight to home video w/o a theater releas#hopefully once work calms down it'll help#(I have so many long shifts makes me so frustrated bc I hate them and I run out of steam half way through)#other than all that I'm doing fine lol. My brain's always been like this; But I usually only get like this during the winter season#(bc of the holidays making everything quiet and also the SAD) so it feels weird having this exact same feeling happen to me in July lol
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I'm sitting outside. It's slightly windy. Not much. Perfect amount for me. And it gives fresh and clear air. I have music. And my thoughts are circling about moonvale of course. So I just want to leave a couple of spontaneous words. Just letting out what I think and feel at the moment.
I'm sorry, Everbyte. I'm sorry for all the hate. And I'm sorry for the amount of people being disappointed in your work. Because, well, there's still this little sprikle of hope in me. Of hope and disbelief. I'm thinking about Duskwood and what you created with it. I'm thinking about all the love we felt through Duskwood. You could see the effort you put into it. We saw the improvements and amazing ideas. Good plots over and over again. New ideas every single time. The quality was already amazing, in my eyes. Sure, some little bugs here and there, but nothing huge. Nothing bothering.
But all this. All things we saw in Duskwood. It made us believe you care about the fans. It made us feel like you hear us, as you said once. It made us feel so happy because it looked as if you're really doing this game for us.
And this.. My brain refuses to believe you really just want our money. My brain refuses to believe that you did, what you did in Moonvale, on purpose. My brain wants to believe that you never meant to make us feel this way.
My brain wants to believe that it all made sense to you, and that there was nothing wrong with it, that it was harmless in your eyes. In your world.
And because my head wants to believe in the good, my heart hurts to see how much negativity you get. My heart hurts to see the hate. And the critism.
But sadly, even if it hurts, sadly it's necessary at the moment to share constructive feedback about it.
But even that must be incredibly stressful, because there are thousands, tens of thousands of people who are currently pointing their fingers at you. And that must be hard. Even horrible. Awful.
As I said, my brain refuses to believe all this only happened because you didn't care about your community and you only cared about and wanted our money. I still have hopes.
And I want to belive you had the same love for Moonvale as you had for Duskwood. If I imagine.. You let your new baby out into the world with the hope of making people happy... And as answers there's nothing but negativity in any way. I have no idea how this must be. And I'm incredibly sorry for it.
And even if I'm completely wrong. Even if you really just wanted money, even then I still feel bad for you about the amount of people looking at you. Even then, although you would deserve it in this case, even then I would still feel bad for you. Empathy is an interesting thing. And parasocial "relationships" as well.
We see what we want to see. But I'm sure, in Duskwood, during Duskwood, we saw who you really are. Because there was no hint of what we saw in Moonvale. How could you fake what we saw in Duskwood?
I wish it wouldn't be the case. But you deserve critism for it. Normal criticism, of course. No hate or insultings. But feedback is needed. In our eyes.
And I just hope that there will be a solution. I hope the situation will improve. I hope so, so much.
Duskwood saved me in so many ways. And it's the truth. Not just a saying or anything. It did. And it gave me so much.
Maybe we completely got everything wrong. Maybe we understood some things wrong.
I just hope that a lot of criticism will be noticed and reflected and that you will find a solution. Because I simply think.. I'm sure we all want to play Moonvale. We all want another amazing game from you. Because Duskwood was an incredible game. A game we loved. And we also want to love Moonvale.
In my eyes, there's so much potential. And I really hope in the next episodes we will see more of it. And less worrying about money.
Of course it's your game. Do whatever you want. And if that's the path you want to take, go for it.
But I really want to say, you have an amazing Community behind you. And if there will be improvements and some changes, I'm sure we all will still be by your side. And we all will support you. This time, gladly. And not because we had to in order to play.
I'm sad. I'm desperate. I'm confused and overwhelmed. And..
I'm sorry.
For everyone. For Everbyte. And for all of us.
I'm sorry about this situation...
#I'm frustrated and sad#And don't get this wrong okay? Just don't. I share the opinions and I think the critism is justified#but this coin has two sides as well#And if I want or not I'm thinking about both#because the whole situation is sad#Doesn't matter which side you are#It's sad#And nobody of us deserved how it turned out#you can disagree with me#But this is how I feel#the last straw of hope for something I cared about so deeply#that's it#hbj mv talks#hbj mv x dw talks#moonvale x duskwood#moonvale game#everbyte studio#everbyte game#moonvale episode 1
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"If this book should ever reach Mina before I do, let it bring my good-bye. Here comes the coach!"
LOSING IT over how foreboding and morbid this sentence is followed by the cheerful energy of "Here comes the coach! ^_^" I'm dying
#here comes the coach!#i can't#jonathan harker you dumb fuckin himbo#like in context this is so sinister#and from the woman's perspective so frustrating and sad#DON'T GO TO THE SCARY CASTLE I'M BEGGING YOU#and he's just like whatever byyeeee ^_^#im dyin#dracula#dracula daily#re dracula
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I still don't know how to improve the quality of my illustrations ksksksks
#my last days off#I'm sad because I had a lot of frustration with my illustrations recently#and I recently saw a post about an amazing artist that they won't make art anymore because they feel the same way#that person made art#me not yet#I'm just starting out motivated by this character#it is normal to feel frustration#I would like more people to be motivated by these things#You don't need to be an artist or writer to make fic or fanart#I do it and I'm not an artist#mayuri kurotsuchi#my illustration#THE ARTIST LIVED AHHHH#I am so happy
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OCtober 2024 day 18: Swap
Swapping Dan and Dave's sense of style 🫡 Have a Chief that actually puts an effort in his appearance.
Btw I also swapped the tattoo placement, the vine is actually on his foot (at least I have it there for now I might change placement in the future, Dan's ink isn't fully established yet) but for this design I wanted it somewhere visible. It's supposed to imitate a choker like thing that I was too lazy to draw lmao. Otherwise his hair is actually supposed to be black with purple highlights but it kinda... turned fully purple in my rendering so he just went full on Dave 👍
#bweirdOCtober#khr#katekyo hitman reborn#khr oc#the housekeeping au#khr daniele costa#art nook#I'm actually super proud of how this turned out#I was really struggling at first because of the three quarter perspective#got super frustrated and also kind of sad (though the sadness might have been something else)#but then I just decided to use a reference for face and hair#and it worked out great!#the power of references...#i should really use them more often istg i always end up shooting myself in the foot
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ok question! related to this post by @gwynbleiddyn that I see resonated with the folks here on lotro tumblr:
the devs have given you permission to add 1 (one) quest of your design into the game, specifically doing something fun/low-stakes with one or more Rangers post-war. What are you doing and with which Ranger(s)?
I'll go first: (under the cut bc it got longer than intended)
Corunir has been enlisted to help do repairs in the lower circles of Minas Tirith. And by "enlisted" I mean "Corunir Does Not Know How to Take A Break and needs to be constantly helping people, so he showed up wouldn't leave until the foreman gave him something to do"
Now, as this quest would have to be located in Minas Tirith Midsummer, the foreman is not particularly comfortable saddling this war-hero with busywork when he should be celebrating the end of the war he helped bring about! nevermind that that's what literally every other quest in midsummer is making the PC do shh don't worry about it
ANYWAY, he's got a plan, but he needs your help with it. Around dusk, he wants you to tell Corunir that there's some repairs that need done on the top of the wall at east side of the 2rd circle, which coincidentally just so happens to be where the best view of the fireworks they're setting off at the gates is. Also be sure to bring along this plate of snacks and some comfy pillows to sit on.
so when Corunir gets up there he's like "that's weird, I don't see any damage up here-" and then he sees the fireworks starting to go off, that you brought snacks, and puts two and two together and is like "oh darn, it looks like I've been tricked into watching a fireworks show, you devious trickster you (affectionate)"
so you guys get to hang out and watch the fireworks for a bit, and afterwards Corunir laughs at the fact that you literally had to trick him into relaxing and having a good time. Perhaps you have a point, he should allow himself some time to actually enjoy the peace they fought so hard for. He recalls Radanir had proposed the Rangers should do a pub-crawl later, and now thinks he should take him up on the offer. (and, of course, the PC should be allowed to join in, but alas I'm only allowed to add One quest as per my own rules lol)
#I also had another idea but it's probably *too* silly lol#a quest where the PC and Corunir go watch a play in the Blue Theater! It's the events of the Pelenor but taken from 2nd and 3rd hand accoun#so the whole thing is comically inaccurate a-la 'ember island players'. Gothmog is played by a guy in an orc mask#because someone got their stories *severely* mixed up (and as a little nod to how Gothmog was an orc in the movies)#which Corunir finds absolutely hilarious bc you just know Gothmog would've been SO MAD if he knew#Corunir says he feels like he should be frustrated by the inaccuracies‚ but really‚ he just needed a good laugh after everything#He says Golodir probably would have found it funny too#and then gets sad after he says it#then you guys meet up with Radanir and he decides you're going to go do something else to try and cheer Corunir up#probably involving the PC getting blackout drunk and doing something ridiculous#but it's too silly to do an AtLA reference and then hit you with Feels. I'm not sure the tonal whiplash is what we're going for here lmao#lotro#reblog games#corunir
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Im a lot more into parkore civilization then I thought I'd be
#I'm forcing my mom to watch it with me cause my brother has to do group therapy on her laptop :P#I think she's getting invested#nvm she was just frustrated with my brothers doctors#i am sad now#parkour civilisation fanart#evbo fanart#mcyt#mcyt fanart#evbo#parkour civilization
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